#어쩌면

[jjibidari]

나 옛날에 눈 잘 치운다고 칭찬 많이 받았다!

[exile2nd]

사랑의 죽음을 흔히 '사랑이 식는다'라고 표현하지만, 나는 사랑의 죽음이라는 표현이 훨씬 진실에 육박한다고 느낀다. 뜨거워진 다음엔 식는다는 단선적 절차성이 아니라, 사랑의 죽음은 그보다 훨씬 총체적인 사건이다. 사랑은 두 사람이 이전에 겪어본 적 없는 전혀 새로운 관계성의 세계를 탄생시키는 사건이고, 이 사건을 온몸으로 창조한 주체들이라면 사랑의 죽음을 거쳐야 비로소 관계가 정리된다. 태어난 것이 제대로 죽은 다음에야 다시 새로운 것이 태어날 수 있는 것처럼. 뜨거워졌다가 식어버리면 쿨하게 안녕인 사랑은 없다. 그런 연애는 가능해도, 그런 사랑은 불가능하다. 그래서 사랑은 위험하고, 그러므로 사랑은 사람을 성장시킨다.

사랑은 변한다. 변하기 때문에 사랑은 인간의 영원한 화두다. 사랑이라는 뜨거운 감자를 가슴에 품고 쩔쩔매는, 모든 사랑의 역사는 그래서 찬란하다. 사랑이 영원한 것이라서 영원한 인간의 화두가 된 것이 아니라, 영원하지 않기에 영원한 인간의 화두다.

사랑은 탄생 자체로 영원해야 한다는 집착을 버리지 못했을 때 내 사랑은 더없이 가난했다. 가꾸고 노력하지 않으면 사랑의 퇴색은 육체의 변화보다 훨씬 빨리 온다. 사랑을 통해 삶의 유의미한 부분들이 지속적으로 성장하는 느낌, 영혼의 고양감을 느낄 수 없게 될 때 사랑은 불편한 자루를 뒤집어쓴 것처럼 막막해진다.

세상 모든 것은 변한다. 물질도 마음도 모두 변한다. 세상에 변하지 않는 유일한 진리가 있다면, 그것은 세상 모든 것이 변한다는 사실이다. 사랑을 불변의 이데아로 만들어놓고 '영원하고 변함없는 사랑'을 찬미하는 것은 서둘러 사랑을 죽이는 일에 가깝다. 불멸과 영원을 고집할수록 오히려 빨리 늙고 병드는 것이 사랑이다. 집중해야 할 것은 사랑이 영원해야 한다는 집착이 아니라, 내게 찾아온 사랑의 상태 - 기적과도 같은 이 마음을 최상급으로 누리며 어떻게 더 잘 보살펴서 매일 충만하게 할 것인가, 하는 성찰이다.

언젠가 죽을 것을 알면서도 최선을 다해 살아가는 인생의 기적처럼, 언젠가 죽을지라도 오늘 최선을 다해 사랑하는 사람들이 서로를, 세상을, 꽃피워간다.

[crk-kr-to-en]

From Crk En twt:

I saw how happy you were to see my Soul Jam touched by Deceit.

I could feel how lonely you truly are.

From Crk Kr twt:

넌 그렇게 말했지만... 탑에서 네가 지식의 쿠키일 때의 기록을 보면서, 그리고 내 소울 잼이 거짓에 물들였을 때 기뻐하는 너를 보면서 생각했어.

어쩌면 넌 외로운 게 아니었을까?

You said so, but... I thought about it as I looked at the records from when you were a Cookie of Knowledge on the tower, and as I watched you rejoice when my Soul Jam was tainted with lies.

Perhaps you weren't lonely after all?

More information about "어쩌면 넌 외로운 게 아니었을까?"

My honest reaction:

[agustdakasuga]

Every Moment With You

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Characters: Normal!Reader, IdolBoyfriend!Yoongi, Idol!Namjoon, Idol!Seokjin, Idol!Hoseok, Idol!Jimin, Idol!Taehyung, Idol!Jungkook

Summary: Finally, the boys are able to take a break without any cameras and fans. And since they will be a private compound on their own, of course Yoongi invited you. And now that you're able to comfortably spend time with him, you want to make full use of it before he goes back to work.

Word count: 7,395

When Yoongi unlocked the door to the apartment, he was greeted to by the sight of you blasting 'Haegeum' and throwing hand signs around, jumping on the spot like you were at one of his AGUST D D-Day concerts.

"이 노래는 해금" You tried your best to rap, still not noticing your boyfriend leaning against the wall, watching you with an amused smile on his face.

"Ayy!" You couldn't catch up with all the lyrics of his rap so you kept throwing 'ayy's around.

"어쩌면 이 또한 또 다른 해금, yeah" You finished and Yoongi pushed himself off the wall, clapping to finally make his presence known.

"What the-" You jumped and let out a yelp.

"H-How long have you been there?" You screeched, pointing an accusatory finger at him. Yoongi continued clapping and laughing at how surprised you looked to see him.

"Halfway through the chorus. Although I wish I was here to see the entire performance." He chuckled.

"Damn right, you know I'm way better than Agust D. But sorry, there are no encores around here." You scoffed.

"Yeah, we don't know who Agust D thinks he is." Yoongi smiled and shuffled over to you, wrapping an arm around your waist. You threw your arms over his neck, tip toeing slightly to hug him properly. You tightened your hold around him as he turned his head just enough to press a kiss to your cheek.

"How was the studio session?" You asked.

"It went better than I expected. I should be able to record guide vocals with Jungkook soon." He replied, one hand moving to stroke your lower back affectionately.

"That's great." You giggled, pulling back to give him a peck. You helped him remove his jacket and hung it up on the coat rack.

"Oh, right. I wanted to tell you, the boys wanna head up to the Soop estate to stay for a few days." He informed.

"Ah, I see. Go ahead, I think it's a great idea. You all should take the chance to get away for a bit before promotions really kick off again." You said, going to the kitchen.

"You should come too." He followed you into the kitchen, grabbing a cold coffee from the fridge.

"Yoongi, I would love to but... you remember the last time... it was hard for everyone to hide me from the cameras..." You sighed.

"I know, aegi. But the management said there will be no cameras, no content filming, no fans, nothing. We'll have the whole place to ourselves with security in case of trespassers. So if you would like to go, I would love to have you there." He held your hand.

"Oh, sure. If the boys are okay with it." You smiled, rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb.

"Please, of course they are okay with it. They didn't even care about whether I was going, all they wanted to know was if you were going." He rolled his eyes.

"Alright. I have some vacation days my boss has been asking me to take anyway so the timing is perfect." You said.

"It's settled then. Go get packed, we're leaving tomorrow morning at 5 am." Yoongi patted your hip.

"We'll have our own room, bathroom and small seating area. And of course, the camper van is ours too. You've seen it on the show, it's like the one Jungkook stayed in with Bam." Yoongi informed.

"I mean, if the other members need more privacy, I don't mind sharing a bathroom or living room space." You shrugged.

"No, no, no. Don't say that. For me, we need our own space." Yoongi was quick to interject, shaking his head.

"Sure~" You laughed.

During In The Soop 1, Yoongi spoke to management about you tagging along with them and they agreed since Yoongi would be using the camper on his own. But even so, it was hard for you to stay hidden. You would have to duck out of the way, wake up earlier to leave the bed and make sure your stuff was hidden.

On top of that, the editing team had to do multiple rounds of checks to make sure that any footage of you or your belongings being captured was removed.

"Go shower, I'll start packing." You waved him off. He hummed and came over to kiss your temple before going to the bathroom.

"Shirts, pants, underwear..." You took out a few sets and laid them on the bed.

"Hoodies... Dresses..." Leaving Yoongi's clothes on the bed for him to check first, you packed your stuff into the suitcase. Then you packed make up and some travel toiletries.

"They have toiletries there, aegi. Unless you need something specific." Yoongi said, re-entering the room.

"Oh, okay. Saves me the space then. Can you check if that's enough clothes for you?" You asked.

"I think I'll take a few more shirts. Last time, I ended up being pushed into the pool by a drunk Namjoon. It was edited out since most of them were drunk and removing their clothes." He let out a sigh.

"I'm sure the fans would have liked to watch that." You raised your eyebrows. Yoongi helped you with the packing, stuffing his things into his own suitcase. He put your skincare along with his own in his travel pouch and packed that.

"I can finish up here if you want to nap." You told him, knowing he was working in the studio the whole of last night.

"It's alright, we're almost done." Yoongi patted your head. He took the clothes that you both decided not to bring and put them back into the drawers or hung them back up in the closet.

"Aegi, should I add your skirt to this hanger with the rest or would you prefer me to use a new one?" He asked.

"A new one would be great. The other one looks too full." You said.

"Good idea." He went to the laundry area to get a spare hanger and came back, neatly hanging your skirts before putting it back into your side of the closet.

"Okay, we're done! Time for us to sleep." He declared.

"Yoongi, it's 1pm. I'm not sleepy! You go to sleep." You said between your giggles.

"No, you know I can't sleep without you." He grumbled in a low voice, not sure if it was meant for you to hear of not. But without another word, Yoongi laid on his side of the bed, scrolling on his phone.

"Aren't you tired?" You tilted your head.

"I am... I'm just waiting for you." He let out a big yawn, stretching his arms and legs like a cat. You let out a sigh of defeat and moved the packed bags aside, crawling into bed with him. Yoongi used to sleep on the left but after his surgery, he changed to the right so he wouldn't sleep on his left.

"That's better." He cleared his throat, pulling you close and letting you sleep on his right arm, his left casually slung over your hip. You felt him kiss the top of your head.

"Ugh." You tried to sleep but you had just woken up not too long ago. On the other hand, Yoongi fell asleep so quickly.

"You always work so hard." You whispered, reaching up to stroke his cheek as he slept.

"I love you." You were glad he was done with military. Yes, as a social service officer, you saw Yoongi everyday but he always looked so tired and frustrated that he didn't have time to work on music.

You slipped out of Yoongi's hold and left the bedroom, closing the door behind you.

"Clean up, do laundry, make snacks, pack drinks." You made a list.

Since you and Yoongi were not going to be around, you wanted to clean the house and do as many chores as you could so you wouldn't have to do them when you get back.

"Aegi?" Yoongi lifted his head to find himself along in bed. His hand touched your side of the bed, feeling how cold the sheets were. He groaned as he sat up and yawned. Slipping on his house slippers, Yoongi left the bedroom.

"Aegiiii..." His sleep riddled voice called out for you.

"In the kitchen!" You replied. Yoongi blinked in confusion and went over to the kitchen. He watched with a small frown as you were wrapping the rice ball in cling wrap.

"W-What are you doing?" Yoongi came closer, leaning closer and squinting to figure out what you were doing.

"Make snacks for us and the others to eat on the bus ride." You laughed, pulling him back.

"It's just snacks, babe. We might get hungry or the others might get hungry too." You said, putting all the rice balls aside, next to the wrapped sandwiches.

"Thank you for doing this." He smiled.

"I'm always happy to feed you and the boys." You put all the items into the fridge, intending to bring them in a cooler bag later.

"You made Japanese potato salad?" His eyes widened when he saw you put two containers in too.

"Mhmm. I know you like it. Plus, I ran out of bread and since I was boiling eggs anyway, I took some for potato salad. This second one container has no cucumbers, its for Taehyung." You explained, going to grab some disposable cutlery that you and Yoongi collect from all your food deliveries.

"You spoil them too much." He clicked his tongue, stealing a boiled egg to eat. Yoongi always says you give in too much to the younger ones but it's always hard to tell them no.

"You spoil them too! Jungkook's whole 'Yoongi hyung never scolds me' thing." You put your hands on your hips.

"T-That's different." He looked away, his ears turning red.

"Sure, it is. You keep telling yourself that. And I don't just spoil them, I spoil you too, Yoonie~" You cooed at him, pinching his cheek. He scoffed and slapped your hands away.

"You know I hate all your nicknames... And you're meant to spoil me, you're dating me, not them." He glared.

"Don't worry, I didn't forget that." You hugged his waist, leaning your head on his chest.

"You better not." His clean hand came to stroke the back of your head. As you cleaned up the kitchen counter, Yoongi heated up the leftovers for you have dinner.

"Aegi, dinner time. Stop working." Yoongi called you like a mother calls her child, putting the plates of food on the dining table. You closed your laptop and went over to help him, grabbing the side dishes from the fridge and the cutlery.

"I managed to file for my leave. I shot my boss a text and he told me to go ahead, he'll approve it tomorrow morning." You informed.

"That's great, aegi. So, you can take the time to just relax and immerse yourself in nature with me." He smiled. You nodded with a hum and sat down.

"Thank you for the food, Yoongi." You picked up your chopsticks.

"You're very welcome. Eat up, aegi." He removed the bone from the galbi and placed the meat on your rice.

After dinner, you did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen while Yoongi did his own packing. He never went anywhere without his music and sound recording equipment.

"You know, usually partners would get nagged at for bringing work things on vacation." Yoongi joked.

"Why would I nag you on something that brings you happiness? If by chance, that's work. So be it." You shrugged.

"You're something else, aegi." He chuckled and shook his head, carefully packing his expensive equipment into their foam cases and zipping up his guitar. Then he grabbed his computer bag to pack his laptop and all the wires. It was satisfying to watch him pack, he was so neat and meticulous.

"Would you prefer me to nag...?" You teased. He shook his head, the smile never leaving his face. Once he was done, you placed all your things by the door.

"Okay, we have a few hours to sleep then we have to go." He reached out to hold your hand.

"I'm excited! I haven't seen this new estate." You clapped your hands happily.

"Oh, that's right! I forgot you haven't seen the estate before... And I event went again for song camp when producing D-Day." Yoongi slapped his forehead in realisation and you nodded.

"Of course I wouldn't go for song camp." You said. You knew you wouldn't value add and just be a distraction if you went."

"I think you'll like it, there's a lot more space than the first Soop location they rented." He squeezed toothpaste onto your toothbrush.

"But the company actually owns this place, right? Like the whole area. The first estate was a rental." You asked. He hummed and began to brush his teeth, so did you.

"I'll set an alarm. Goodnight, aegi." Yoongi mumbled, eyes on his phone, playing his basketball game.

"Goodnight, Yoon." You wished back, tucking yourself against his side. As he used his phone, his other hand absentmindedly stroked your head, which lulled you to sleep really quickly. Left with only 3 hours to sleep, he put his phone away to join you in dreamland.

--

"Everything is packed." You zipped up the cooler bag with all the food that you prepared last night. Yoongi insisted on handling most of the bags, loading them into the car.

"So I'll leave the car at HYBE while we're at the estate. The others should be making their way there, the bus leaves at 6." He said.

"Mmm..." You hummed, still tired.

"Aigoo, my precious girl. You can sleep on the bus." Yoongi leaned over to cup your cheeks. You pouted at him, making him chuckle as he started the car to drive.

"(y/n)!" Your name was yelled across the carpark as you and Yoongi unloaded the bags.

"Shhh! Taehyung ah, you're too loud." Jimin chided.

"Hi." You waved, trying to hide your yawn as you helped Yoongi with the bags. Of course, the boys took over the bags, sharing the load especially with Yoongi's music and recording equipment. You all took the lift up to the back of HYBE, where the bus was waiting and the other boys were boarding.

"Good morning." You bowed to the others and Yoongi sent them a lazy wave, passing the bags to the bus captain who was loading them into storage.

"Glad you could join us." Namjoon smiled.

"Thank you for having me." You giggled, adjusting the scarf Yoongi bundled around your neck.

"Oh my, Jungkook's bringing Bam? Hello, Bamie~" You cooed as Jungkookg walked over with the doberman. Bam jumped excitedly, standing on his hind legs to sniff you and lick you.

"I've missed you too, big baby. Yes, good boy." You rubbed your ears. When Yoongi was done, he grabbed your hand.

"Let's get out of the cold." He said softly and led you to the bus, helping you up the steps.

"(y/n) packed food for everyone." Yoongi announced to the other boys who were settling in their seats, and Jungkook was trying to settle Bam down.

"Thank you, (y/n)! You're a life saver." The boys all threw thanks their way. Jin volunteered to have the cooler bag of food beside him since he had a spare seat beside him and he could help hand it out to the boys for you.

"Yes, she is." Yoongi mumbled under his breath with a chuckle but you heard him.

"You don't have to stay awake, aegi. Go to sleep." He put his arm around you. With such a big bus, everyone took alternate rows to be able to recline their seats comfortably.

"The rice balls are good, (y/n)!" Jungkook said, his words muffled by the food he stuffed in his mouth.

"Yah. You're getting rice everywhere." Hoseok chided.

"Thank you." You replied with a giggle before leaning back in your seat. You didn't know when you fell asleep but Yoongi opened the small lap blanket he brought and draped it over you.

"Can we dim the lights a little?" Yoongi requested. The manager asked the bus driver to lower the lights.

"So hyung, how happy are you to have her here?" Jimin asked from across the aisle, watching Yoongi draw the curtains and adjust the overhead airconditioning vent so it wasn't blowing in your face. Yoongi turned around to glare at the younger before checking on you, making sure you didn't hear Jimin.

"Thankfully she had enough vacation days to come with us. She deserves a nice break too." Yoongi replied, not answering Jimin's question directly.

"You're always afraid to gush about her, around her. You do it silently, behind her back." Taehyung pointed out with a laugh.

"I don't gush about her. I just appreciate her and what she does for me." Yoongi rolled his eyes.

"Sure, hyung. You don't gush... keep telling yourself that." Namjoon chuckled, eyes still trained on his kindle. Luckily the bus was dark that they couldn't see the light blush on Yoongi's cheeks.

"I don't gush." Yoongi looked back at your sleeping face, not sure who he was trying to convince at this point.

When you woke up, you felt Yoongi's head on your shoulder and tried your best not to move.

"Jimin, can you hand me my phone there?" You whispered to the male who was playing his nintendo switch. He nodded and reached over to get your phone from the seat pocket.

"Thank you." You smiled softly. Like all younger brothers do, Jimin retrieved his own phone and snapped a picture of sleeping Yoongi on your shoulder before retreating back to his seat to continue his game. You chuckled and shook your head.

"He's going to kill you if he knows." You told him.

"Then don't tell him." Jimin snickered. You spent the remainder of hte bus ride on your phone, not wanting to move to disturb Yoongi.

"We're here, everyone. Wake up!" Namjoon stood up. You gently patted Yoongi's thigh to wake him. His eyes fluttered open and he looked around.

"Good morning, Yoongi." You giggled.

"Good morning, aegi." He yawned and stretched his arms. As everyone was busy gathering their stuff, you gave him a peck.

"Come on, let's get off this bus." He helped you pack and held your hand as you got off the bus. Standing in the mansion estate, it was so much bigger than what the television showed.

"Let's go, Bam!' Jungkook let Bam off his leash and started running towards his room with his bags in tow.

"He has so much energy." Jin clicked his tongue and shook his head.

"All he did was sleep and eat on the bus." Hoseok laughed. You were unsure of where to go so you just followed Yoongi. He slid open one of the sliding doors to a room in one of the villas. Like Yoongi said, it was exactly like Jungkook and Bam's room in the show, practically like a studio apartment without a kitchen.

"Wow, I can't believe this is just one section of the villa." You said, pushing the suitcases to the corner.

"Yeah, each room has a small living space and bathroom. Then the kitchen and big living room is in the main mansion." Yoongi said, closing the door behind him.

"I do watch In The Soop, you know?" You teased. He scoffed and went into the room.

"Ah. This is comfy." He laid on the bed.

"It's so nice and tranquil here." You said, moving to lay on him, resting your head on his chest. Yoongi lazily threw an arm over your shoulders to hold you.

"As much as I would like to continue sleeping in an actual bed, we need lunch. Everyone ate your food but you." Yoongi said.

"But I'm not hungry." You yawned, burying your face into his chest. Yoongi kissed the top of your head.

"Lovebirds! Are we doing lunch or what?" You heard Jin's voice from your door. You yelled out an acknowledgement to the oldest and immediately got up, making Yoongi let out an annoyed groan from behind you.

"We'll wash up and be right there!" You smiled to Jin. He nodded, giving you a thumbs up before leaving to head to the mansion. You went to wash your face.

"Aegiiii..." Yoongi drowned out and leaned his body against yours, his hands holding your waist from behind.

"I'm trying to wash my face!" You squealed, feeling his fringe tickle the back of your neck.

After you and Yoongi washed up, you convinced him to at least have lunch. Hand in hand, you strolled to the mansion. Yoongi looked around the place, ruffling his hair with his free hand.

"What are you craving for?" Yoongi asked, the both of you removing your shoes before entering the mansion.

"I'll have what the others are having. You know I'm not picky." You shrugged.

"I know but I'd much rather cook something you want to eat and not something the younger ones want." He chuckled. The two of you saw the others playing games in the living room.

"Woah, be careful, aegi." He grasped your waist to move you out of the way before Taehyung could accidentally hit you while challenging Jin and Jungkook.. You followed him to the kitchen to help him cook. Yoongi opened the fridge to look at what the managers had stocked up for your stay here.

"What about cheesy dakgalbi?" He turned to you, smiling when he saw your eyes light up with excitement and happiness. You nodded your head.

"I'll cut the vegetables, you can handle the meat." You told him.

"You should rest. Let me cook." Yoongi crossed his arms as you took out the cabbage, carrots, onions and potatoes.

"I am resting. Doing this with you is rest." You said, retrieving a cutting board and knife. Yoongi shot you a flat look but didn't argue, preparing the chicken and marinade.

"What are we cooking?" Hoseok came into the house with Jimin. The shorter male joined the others in the living room, playing games.

"Dakgalbi." Yoongi replied.

"Anything I can help with? Make some coffee?" Hoseok suggested. You and Yoongi immediately nodded.

"Coffee would be amazing, Seok. Thank you." You giggled, chopping the cabbage and putting all the vegetables into a bowl for Yoongi to cook with later.

"Oooh, this smart stove is really cool." You watched Yoongi put two big pans over the stove. With 8 people, he probably thought it would be easier to eat out of two pans rather than everyone trying to get into one pan.

"I'll make some gyeranmari and dumplings to eat on the side." You said, cooking on the stove at the back. After giving you both your coffees, Hoseok helped you with cooking the sides.

"Lunch! Call whoever is not here!" Yoongi yelled.

"Coming!" Those in the living room came out. Taehyung called Namjoon over while Jungkook grabbed cutlery.

You all sat together to eat, some of the boys sharing the microwave rice packs, knowing they will probably use the leftovers to make fried rice to share later.

"Thank you for cooking!" The boys chimed before digging in.

"Mmm." You nodded happily. Yoongi placed some chicken on your plate, his free arm resting on the back of your chair the entire time.

"This is just what I needed! We should bring you on vacations more often, (y/n)." Taehyung exclaimed happily, making a wrap with the chicken and eating it in one mouthful.

"She's not your personal chef." Yoongi sent Taehyung a look but you knew they were just joking.

After lunch was done, those that didn't cook were on clean up duty. Yoongi took the opportunity to get you out of there. He grasped your wrist and practically dragged you back your shared room at the villa, making it clear he didn't really want to stay and socialise with the other members anymore.

"You're being anti social. Maybe the boys want to spend more time with you." You slapped his arm.

"We can do that another time. Now is me and you time." He huffed, removing his hoodie so he was just in his undershirt.

"I need to use the bathroom." You went to the bathroom, also getting out of your uncomfortable clothes. You changed into something comfier, aka Yoongi's shirt.

"We're going to stay in bed until we are called for dinner." Yoongi said when you entered the room.

"I like that plan." You giggled and fell on top of him. He wrapped his arms around you to turn you around so you were on your sides.

"I'm just happy to spend time with you." You reached out to cup his cheeks, caressing the skin with your thumbs. Yoongi gave you a gummy smile and lifted your hands to kiss your fingertips.

"Are you sleepy?" He asked.

"No, I think I slept enough in the bus." You said, betrayed by your yawn.

"Yeah, we'll see about that." He stroked the back of your head. You scoffed and pulled away, sitting up to lean against the headboard with an intention to read. Yoongi shifted himself so his head could rest in your lap.

"You should sleep more." You patted his head, knowing that he probably didn't sleep well on the bus.

It felt so peaceful and normal to spend time with Yoongi like this. With you, he wasn't an idol, he was just your boyfriend and the two of you were spending some time off together.

"Feeling sleepy yet?" He murmured sleepily, hugging your legs like a bolster.

"No, I'm not. Now, stop interrupting my reading." You said. It didn't take long for Yoongi to fall asleep.

"(y/n)? Are you here?" You looked up from your book to find Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook at your doorway. Luckily Yoongi pulled the blanket to hide your bare legs.

"Shh..." You hushed them, pointing to the sleeping Yoongi who was hugging your legs.

"Come play." They waved you over.

"But..." You gestured to the sleeping Yoongi. No one ever dares to wake Yoongi up, maybe except Taehyung with kindergarten music playing in the background. The 3 couldn't help you now since you were pantless and you were pretty sure Yoongi might have an aneurysm if he knew that they saw you.

"Go, I'll come out in a bit." You told them. They gave you thumbs ups and closed the bedroom door. Looking down at Yoongi, you carefully shifted away, replacing your legs with a pillow quickly.

"Sorry." You stroked his head in case he woke up. It was hard when he had almost all his weight on your legs.

"I'll be back." You leaned down to kiss his cheek. Yoongi didn't seem bothered by you moving him.

Looking around, you grabbed a pair of sweats and put it on before going out, where the 3 boys were waiting for you in the tiny living room area.

"Let's go!" Taehyung held your hand and pulled you out.

"Where did she gooooo?" Yoongi groaned, feeling the pillow against his cheek instead of you. He sat up, seeing the sun starting to set.

"Aegi?" He called out from bed but there was no reply. Ruffling his hair and yawning, he got out of bed and noticed that his sweats were missing from the floor.

"Nooooo!" Yoongi heard your squeal and grabbed a new pair of pants, going out to see where you were.

There you were, playing in the rain with Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook. Jungkook was chasing after you and Jimin with an evil smile. Yoongi grabbed an umbrella and exited the room, he stood there quietly, watching all of you play.

"Oh! Yoongi!" You spotted your cat-like boyfriend, standing there with his black umbrella, and waved at him. Yoongi smiled back at you. Since you were distracted, Jungkook suddenly grabbed you.

"Ah!" You yelped in shock as he lifted you up.

"Yah! Be careful with her!" Yoongi barked, coming over to where you all were playing.

"I'm fine, Yoongi. Don't worry." You grinned, drenched from head to toe. Yoongi sighed and reached out to move gently your wet hair away from your face.

"I'm going to get started on dinner. You guys should go dry up so we can eat." Yoongi said.

"Aww!" Everyone jeered but Yoongi was not budging, he was really worried about you catching a cold.

Despite you already being damp, Yoongi still sheltered you with his umbrella all the way back to your share room. He entered first to put a towel on the flower so you wouldn't slip coming in.

"Leave your clothes in that bathroom when you're done. I'll put them in the dryer later." Yoongi told you. You nodded and leaned forward to give him a grateful peck on the cheek but you were careful not to let your wet hair drip onto his clothes. After that, he left you to shower and warm yourself up.

"(y/n), are you heading to the main house?" You caught Namjoon coming down from the room upstairs.

"Yeah. But I think the spare umbrellas are there and Yoongi took the only one that was here." You said, holding your wet clothes in your hands after you wrung out all the water.

"Come, I'll take you." He smiled.

"Thank you!" You ducked under the umbrella with him and walked towards the main house.

"So, I saw you guys playing out in the rain from my window earlier. Can't believe the younger ones managed to rope you into their antics." Namjoon chuckled.

"It was all fun, you should have joined us. We're just kids at heart, playing in the rain and puddle stomping." You giggled.

"Maybe next time." He slid open the door for you to enter.

"Definitely. Hey, Yoon. Don't worry, I got my clothes." You greeted your boyfriend, who was cooking in the kitchen with Jin. He nodded in acknowledgement and you brought your damp clothes to the laundry area, throwing your clothes into the wash.

"Thanks for walking her over, Namjoon ah." Yoongi nodded over to the leader. Namjoon smiled and headed to the living room.

"I could have brought it in for you to be washed, aegi." Yoongi came into the laundry room.

"It's fine, it's just a few pieces of laundry. You're already busy with dinner." You laughed, starting the machine. The two of you walked out, hand in hand.

"Look at you two being inseparable." Jin teased, clicking the tongs in his hands. Yoongi rolled his eyes but didn't let you go.

When you first started dating and being more open around the other members, you and Yoongi would have separated if one of the members teased you. But now, Yoongi wouldn't part from you.

"I'll cook the rice and ramyeon." You tied your hair up.

"You should sit. You already cooked lunch." Yoongi said to you, patting your hip.

"You cooked lunch too. Plus you and Jin already did most of the work. It's just rice and ramyeon." You smiled. Yoongi nodded and helped you tuck your stray hairs behind your ears so they wouldn't bother you. You washed your hands and went to scoop the rice into the rice cooker.

"Wow, it's smelling good!" Jimin said as he came in, running his hands over his damp hair.

"Can you get the side dishes out from the fridge?" Jin requested. Jimin saluted and went to do that. While waiting for the rice to cook, you got the cutlery and plates to set the table.

"What are you doing now?" Taehyung shuffled over to you. You pointed to the ramyeon stack.

"Can I help?" He asked.

"Sure. I just need to open all these before the water boils." You giggled. Jungkook might be the youngest but Taehyung was everyone's baby brother.

"Once that's all done, we can eat. Get your drinks and rice." Yoongi announced to everyone.

"Yes, hyung!" Everyone went to line up with their rice bowls while you continued to cook the ramyeon.

"I got your rice, aegi." Yoongi told you.

"Thanks, Yoon. It's almost done." You said to everyone. Once the noodles were done, Jungkook came to help you carry the pot to the table. You took your seat beside Yoongi and he cracked open your can of soda for you.

"Thank you for cooking~" Everyone dug into the food hungrily. As always, the dinner conversation was spent chatting and laughing, as well as reminiscing old memories.

And as the others cleared up after dinner, you sat with Yoongi in the living room. He nestled a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"Come." He called you to him. You leaned your head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around you.

"Are you sleepy? I bet you didn't nap earlier since the younger ones dragged you out to play." He asked. You shook your head but was betrayed by your yawn.

"You're such a liar." Yoongi snorted.

"Am not." You scoffed, pinching his side. When clean up was done, the others invited you to play some games.

"Refill?" Namjoon asked Yoongi, refilling his own whiskey glass after coming down from the mini reading corner upstairs. The two of them always enjoyed reading with a glass of whiskey.

"I'm good. Thanks." Yoongi placed his empty glass down.

"Yoongi! I won! Did you see that?! I am the champion!" You turned to your boyfriend and pointed to the screen, squealing in excitement. Yoongi leaned his head on his hand with an endearing smile and nodded his head, giving you a thumbs up, he was like a parent watching his child play and win for the first time.

"Rematch!" The boys protested.

"No way! I'm going to bed." You stuck your tongue out at them, causing them to jeer at you. Hearing what you said, Yoongi put his glass down on the table and stood up.

"You don't have to go with me, you know? You can stay with them if you're not tired." You giggled.

"No, I'm tired too." Yoongi said.

"Goodnight. See you tomorrow." You all wished each other. After he placed his whiskey glass in the sink, Yoongi and you walked hand in hand back to your shared room.

"I'm not going with you because I have to, it's because I want to. So don't feel like you're making me do anything." Yoongi suddenly said.

"I know. But it's your vacation too. I don't want you to feel like you have to stick with me constantly." You shrugged.

"I'll gladly stick with you 24/7, that's my ideal vacation." He smiled softly. You lightly punched his arm for being so cheesy. Yoongi would only act this way around you privately and you liked that.

"You can set up your music stuff here if you prefer the space here over the camper. I don't mind it, really." You told him as you squeezed toothpaste onto both your toothbrushes. Honestly, you were so used to Yoongi and his music equipment, it didn't bother you.

"This is our space and since I'm working with some of the members, I don't want them coming in and out." He explained.

"I don't mind it if it makes things more convenient for you." You smiled.

"I mind. I prefer our privacy. The camper's just there so it's not a far walk but thank you for offering, aegi." He rubbed your back. The two of you brushed your teeth and washed your faces.

"Alright, you can change your mind any time." You said as you wiped your face with a clean towel.

"Thank you." He kissed your temple and left you to do your skincare.

"Surprisingly, there are still people sending me messages, congratulating me on finishing my military service." Yoongi noted, sitting at the table with his iPad.

"Maybe they didn't know you finished and saw a news article so they congratulated you now." You giggled.

"Yeah, Halsey asked when we are going back to America to visit her and her family." He said.

"Sure, if your schedule allows it. I can't wait to see Ender again. Children change a lot in 2 years." You said. Yoongi nodded in agreement with a small hum. Of course, you followed him to America on holiday and Yoongi insisted he meet the celebrities that he was close with.

What fans didn't know was that your home wallpaper on your phone was the full, actual picture of Yoongi snuggling up to Ender when you both visited him as a baby.

"Maybe this time he won't give me stares when I say hi to him." Yoongi scoffed.

"Please, he loved you! You were just an awkward uncle at the start." You giggled, walking over to him.

"I still am an awkward uncle. I was never one that was great with children. Taehyung and Jimin are great with kids, even clumsy Namjoon is." He said, hands resting on your waist.

"You're great at a lot of other things, so what if you're not comfotable with children." You ran your fingers through his hair.

"Thanks, aegi." He laughed, pressing his forehead against your middle.

After Yoongi finished replying to some emails, the two of you changed and headed to bed but you both didn't sleep just yet. One thing you and Yoongi liked to do was just lay on your bed and use your phones, scrolling on social media.

"Look, it's you." You showed him a video of a white kitten that was sleeping on the couch like a human. Yoongi rolled his eyes and turned back to look at his own phone.

"How was your first day here?" Yoongi asked you.

"Good. It's nice to get away and spend some time with the others." You giggled and Yoongi hummed.

"Besides, isn't this technically the first holiday you guys are taking as 7? It's nice to just have a break for yourselves." You said. Yoongi nodded his head.

"Yeah, no cameras before the next comeback." Yoongi put his phone to charge and turned back to look at you.

"I can't wait for the new Run BTS episodes." You teased, charging your own phone.

"The fans will realise that military didn't change us. We're still the same competitive people that will fight over a cup of ramyeon." Yoongi chuckled as you scooted closer to him.

"And I love that about all of you. You never let anything change you." You reached up to cup his cheek.

"I love you." He held your hand and kissed your fingertips. You smiled softly and leaned in to give him a peck before burying your face against his chest. You felt Yoongi move slightly so he could pull the blanket up to cover the both of you, making sure you were well tucked in and warm.

"Goodnight." You wished. Yoongi grunted and threw his leg over you to hold you even clsoer to him. Even if you usually started cuddling, you and Yoongi would usually break apart at night.

"Are you cold? I can adjust the aircon." Yoongi asked, his hand stroking the exposed skin of your hip.

"I'm okay. The blanket is warm enough." You snuggled against him.

"Shall I wake you up for breakfast tomorrow or do you want to wait until you wake up on your own?" He checked. You hummed, knowing Yoongi was quite an early riser.

"I'll wake up a little later. Maybe 10? In case you wake up at like... 7 am." You groaned.

"I don't wake up THAT early. With you around, I tend to wake up late and stay in bed longer." Yoongi chuckled, pinching your cheek.

You slept comfortably with Yoongi, feeling relaxed and tranquil. Usually Yoongi didn't sleep well in a bed that wasn't his own but with you, he could sleep anywhere.

"Yoongi hyung?" Yoongi woke up when he heard someone call him. Even if it was another member, he sat up and instinctively moved to shield your body with his own, since you didn't wear pants to sleep. Taehyung stood at your doorway.

"I completely forgot (y/n) was here. I'm sorry!" Taehyung's eyes widened when he realised.

"Go out. I'll come out." Yoongi said, voice riddled with sleep. Taehyung obediently went to the living room area. With a soft sigh, Yoongi turned to check on you.

"Who was it...?" You mumbled.

"Taehyung. I'll be back, go back to sleep." He kissed your temple and went out.

"Sorry! I really forgot (y/n) was here, we usually just go to each other's rooms to wake each other up..." Taehyung looked so distraught Yoongi didn't have to heart to say anything.

"It's fine, Taehyung. Just tell me, what do you need?" Yoongi yawned, running his fingers through his hair.

"Jin hyung's making noodles for breakfast and he wanted to ask if you and (y/n) want some." He relayed. Yoongi looked at the clock.

"Oh, it's 9 already... No, it's okay, thanks for coming to ask. I think we'll just wait for lunch." Yoongi said. Taehyung nodded with a salute and left. Yoongi went back to the room, making sure to close and lock the door this time. He fell back into bed with a long exhale and got under the blanket with you.

"Who was it..." You breathed out, turning to face Yoongi.

"Boys asking if we want breakfast. But I told them we'll stay in bed and just have lunch later." He said, his arm going around your shoulders to hold you to his chest.

"Good idea. I'm not ready to leave the bed." You yawned and buried your face against him.

"Mmm, sleep more." He patted your head. Although Yoongi didn't want to sleep more, he didn't want to move from the bed too.

"We came all the way here just to sleep." You chuckled, voice slightly muffled but of course, Yoongi understood you. Under your cheek, his chest shook as he laughed.

"Isn't that the best holiday?" He asked, stroking your back. This was the ideal holiday to him.

"I guess... We won't have time to sleep in and spend time like this once you guys start having comebacks again." You said.

"That's true." He hummed.

"What time do you have to get up to record?" You asked, obviously you were not going back to sleep too. But it felt nice to be as close to Yoongi as possible.

"Not sure, don't worry about it. We'll always find time. Anyway, we're here to relax, not work. I'll just find Jungkook later to do the guide vocals, I'm sure he is also going to sleep in." He snorted. You nodded in agreement.

"But working on music is a form of relaxation to you." You teased. Yoongi rolled his eyes.

"There you go again, spreading those sort of rumours like Jin hyung. I'm not a workaholic, you know? I'm not always working on music, I have a life outside of work." He scoffed.

"Mmm, sure."

"My life outside of work is you. If I didn't have a life outside of music, I wouldn't have you." He stated.

"You're so cheesy, stop it." You reached up to cover his mouth with your hand. Yoongi chuckled and took your hand, planting a light kiss against your palm.

"Soon, I'll be back to watching you backstage or from the wings. And more late night visits to your studio." You sighed.

"Do you miss it?" He asked.

"I thought I wouldn't when you were in the military but I think I do miss it, just a little. But I realised that I'll always miss you when I'm not with you. It's going to take me a while to adjust." You said.

"Now who is being the cheesy one?" Yoongi poked your side, making you squirm. You lifted your head, moving your body up slightly to hug Yoongi properly, winding your arms around his neck. You could feel him plant a kiss to the top of your head, resting his cheek there as his hands rubbed your back lovingly.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too." You replied without any hesitation. You knew you were going to miss having Yoongi around so much.

Even without saying it, you both shared the same thought, you wanted to spend as much time together as possible before Yoongi's schedules kept him busy.

--

Main masterlist

[fresh-tomatogogi]

GivemeSpypyroimhungry

밑걍잡

벌써 낙서모음을 올리기엔 모인게 없지만 걍 포스팅이라도 해서 스파파이에 대한 갈망을 조금이나마 채우고싶었다..... 요즘 또 덕질을 양껏 못했더니 아주그냥 어 그냥막그냥 답답해서 심장이 터질것같어 부신수질아 일을 너무 많이 하는거 아니냐

연말이라 바쁘고 아프다고 바쁘고 연초라 바쁘고이래서 바쁘고 저래서 바쁘고 바쁘단거 다 핑계다 사실 전혀 바쁘지 않은데 오타쿠질을 못하거나 만화를 못그리는 상황이라 비쁘다고 생각해버리는 경우도 있다. 여유의 기준이 아무도 없는 조용한 방에 혼자 처박혀있길 선택해야 할수있는 십덕질이 된거다. 어쩌다 이렇게까지 십뜨억이 된거냐? 그런 의미에서 만화그리기는 스스로 고��시키기의 과정이다.. 어쩌면 오타쿠질 자체가.. 자발적 고립 일종의 속세 떠나기 음 이건 좀더 생각해봐야겠다 그리고 직접 해보니 알게된건데 만화 그리느라 사회와 단절되는건 다른 이유들과 결이 다름... 만화는 더 혼자있고 자기 세계에 매몰될수록 진행이 잘되는 것 같다 무서움 순수미술은 다양하고 새로운 사람을 최대한 만나서 자극원을 찾고 직접경험을 쌓아야 좋은 작업이 가능했는데 만화는 참;; 허참

암튼 이렇게 오타쿠라는 속성이 정쳬성에 큰 영역을 차지하며 사는데 아무도 내가 오타쿠일거라 의심조차 안해주니 외롭구나..... 는 뻥이다 다만 배고프고 심심해서 지나가는 아무 사람들한테 방구 먹이며 심술 부리고 싶을 뿐이다방구나먹어라 뿡

어제 셰리를 읽었다... 음... 이렇게 선명한 이미지로 완전한 서사구조를 짜는 사람들의 글을 읽고나면 머릿속이 너무 혼란해져서 괴로움 이런 미친 사람들 같으니 왜그렇게 글을 잘써서 남의 정신을 흔들어 재끼는거냐?? 그림을 그릴 줄 알아서 그런가 자꾸 시각적으로 글 재구성하기를 멈출수가 없음 이거 영화 중독이다!!

여기에 대해 생각을 해봤는데 글 써본적도 없고 의무교육수준 문학이나 소설이론도 전혀 모르니 글을 텍스트와 언어적 관점(이조차 대충 감으로만 알지 아는게 없어서 말로 설명이 불가능하다니ㅅㅂㅋㅋ)으로 분석하기보다 그림 그리면서 익힌 구조짜기와 해석하기에 대한 이론적 틀을 이용해 문장을 이미지로 번역해 읽는 경향이 있어서같다 그래서 묘사뿐인 쉬운 몇문장 읽는데도 오래 걸린다 근데 양치기로 두 부류의 데이터를 쌓은 결과 글과 그림 둘다 창작이든 해석이든 이론의 맥은 상통하는 것 같다 이생각이 당연한 말인지 어느정도만 맞는지 괴변인지 확인할 길이 없다는게 소름

암튼 돌아와서 내가 좋아하는 로맨스 작품의 유형을 이제 대충 알겠다.. 로맨스를 위한 로맨스가 아니라 로맨스라는 사건으로 인해 벌어지는 심리와 각각의 변화를 보는게 재밌는 것 같다. 아님 작가만의 필력? 이걸 뭐라함?? 묘사방식? 문장구성?! 언어유희?? 답답쓰 아...........학교 그냥 다닐걸그랬나.... 암튼 약간 옛날에 순정만화란 장르를 빌려서 연애는 안��고 온갖 복잡하고 기괴한 관계와 서사극을 그렸던게 생각난다.. 순정/소녀만화라지만 까보면 전혀 아닌.. 긍까 너무 복합적이라 장르물로 분류하기 힘든 이야기가 좋은듯. 어떤 몇가지 목적성만 뚜렷하지 않은 작품?? 한마디로 줄이면 돈안되는 작품이 재밌다 취향이다 입맛에 맞는다 걍 또 맨날 하던얘기를 다른 말로 풀었구만 했던말 또하고 또하고 노화의 증거라기엔 내가 너무 젊어

로맨스물에 대한 개인적인 대분류 기준는 연애 역할극이냐 아니냐 인데 옥탑방 고양이 같은게 아직도 잘만 팔리는거보면 대중의 입맛은 연애역할극이다. 그리고 수많은 사람들이 그 역할글에 참여하고 싶어한다는게 와 진짜 나로선 보고 듣고 직접 해보고도 이해고 자시고 믿기 조차 힘든 현실이다. 그게 좋아보이니까 자기도 하고싶어하는거겠지만 그 좋아보이는 포인트와 왜 뭔가를 따라하고 싶어하는지 당최.... 내 이해가 필요없는 부분이지만 그냥 내가 알고싶다

볼수록 스파이....특히 블슾이 자꾸만 생각나는 영상............

[basil7766]

에이 합의 했어요 아마도? 어쩌면??..

아 합의 했어요.. 한명만 했죠

[koreanthroughfiction]

허무주의 뱀, 슬링키 선생 - Slinky the Nihilist Snake

바나비는 안락의자에 편안히 감긴 뱀 슬링키를 응시했다. 슬링키는 차가운 파충류의 눈으로 그를 바라보았다.

[Barnaby stared at the snake, Slinky, coiled comfortably on the armchair. Slinky regarded him with a cold, reptilian stare.]

"정말 확실해, 슬링키?" 바나비가 말했다.

["Are you quite sure about this, Slinky?" Barnaby said.]

"존재의 본질적인 무의미함에 대해서 말이야?" 슬링키가 건조한 목소리로 말했다. "바나비, 내 사랑하는 소년아, 그건 내가 확신하는 유일한 것이���."

["About the inherent meaninglessness of existence?" Slinky said, his voice a dry rustle. "Barnaby, my dear boy, it's the only thing I'm sure of."]

바나비는 머리를 긁적였다. 그는 항상 슬링키가 꽤 똑똑한 뱀이라고 생각했지만, 이건 그가 상상할 수 있는 그 어떤 것보다도 대단했다. 지난주만 해도 슬링키는 자기 꼬리를 쫓고 가끔 허물을 벗는 것에 만족했었다. 이제 그는 니체를 인용하고 있었다.

[Barnaby ran a hand through his hair. He'd always thought Slinky was a rather intelligent snake, but this was beyond anything he could have imagined. Just last week, Slinky had been content with chasing his tail and occasionally shedding his skin. Now, he was quoting Nietzsche.]

"하지만 분명," 바나비가 말했다, "삶에는 그저… 공허함 이상의 무언가가 있어야 해, 그렇지 않아?"

["But surely," Barnaby said, "there must be something more to life than just…nothingness?"]

"말해봐, 바나비," 슬링키가 약간 몸을 풀며 말했다, "네 삶에 의미를 주는 게 뭐지? 네 직업? 네 우표 수집?"

["Tell me, Barnaby," Slinky said, uncoiling slightly, "what is it that gives your life meaning? Your job? Your stamp collection?"]

"음, 나는…" 바나비가 더듬거렸다. 그는 최근에 연필깎이 시험관 일자리에서 해고되었고, 그의 우표 수집은 거의 영감을 주지 못했다. "채소 정원을 시작하려고 했어."

["Well, I…" Barnaby stammered. He'd recently been laid off from his job as a pencil sharpener tester, and his stamp collection was hardly inspiring. "I was going to start a vegetable garden."]

"고귀한 추구야," 슬링키가 말했다, "하지만 결국 헛된 일이지. 채소는 자랄 거고, 너는 그것들을 먹을 거고, 그리고 너는 죽을 거야. 그 안에 무슨 의미가 있겠어?"

["A noble pursuit," Slinky said, "but ultimately futile. The vegetables will grow, you will eat them, and then you will die. Where is the meaning in that?"]

바나비는 한숨을 쉬었다. 슬링키의 말이 꽤 우울하긴 했지만 일리가 있었다. 그는 갑작스러운 실존적 공포를 느끼며 소파에 털썩 주저앉았다.

[Barnaby sighed. Slinky had a point, even if it was a rather depressing one. He slumped onto the sofa, feeling a sudden existential dread.]

"절망하지 마, 바나비," 슬링키가 안락의자에서 미끄러져 내려와 소파로 올라오며 말했다. "이 모든 것의 부조리함 속에는 어떤 아름다움이 있어."

["Don't despair, Barnaby," Slinky said, slithering off the armchair and onto the sofa. "There is a certain beauty in the absurdity of it all."]

"아름다움이라고?" 바나비가 말했다. "우리가 하는 모든 것이 결국 무의미하다는 걸 아는 데서?"

["Beauty?" Barnaby said. "In knowing that everything we do is ultimately pointless?"]

"정확해," 슬링키가 말했다. "그것이 우리를 기대의 부담에서 해방시켜주지. 우리는 그저 존재하면서, 특별히 즙이 많은 쥐나 따뜻한 햇살 같은 작은 것들을 감상할 수 있어."

["Precisely," Slinky said. "It frees us from the burden of expectation. We can simply exist, appreciate the small things, like a particularly juicy mouse or a warm sunbeam."]

바나비는 이를 곰곰이 생각해보았다. 어쩌면 슬링키의 말이 맞을지도 모른다. 어쩌면 인생의 의미는 거창한 의미를 찾는 것이 아니라 그저 여정을 즐기는 것일 수도 있다.

[Barnaby considered this. Maybe Slinky was right. Maybe the point of life wasn't to find some grand meaning, but to simply enjoy the ride.]

"그래서," 바나비가 말했다, "이제 우리가 뭘 하면 좋을까?"

["So," Barnaby said, "what do you suggest we do now?"]

"음," 슬링키가 말했다, "난 우유 한 그릇이 나쁘지 않겠어. 그리고 어쩌면 우리가 흔한 정원 달팽이의 교미 습성에 대한 다큐멘터리를 볼 수도 있을 거야? 놀랍게도 철학적이거든."

["Well," Slinky said, "I wouldn't mind a nice bowl of milk. And perhaps we could watch that documentary about the mating habits of the common garden slug? It's surprisingly philosophical."]

바나비는 킥킥 웃었다. 그는 여전히 슬링키의 갑작스러운 실존적 위기를 어떻게 받아들여야 할지 확실치 않았지만, 앞으로 일들이 훨씬 더 흥미로워질 것 같은 느낌이 들었다. 그는 슬링키를 위해 우유 한 그릇을 가져와 소파에 자리를 잡고, 이 모든 부조리함을 받아들일 준비를 했다.

[Barnaby chuckled. He still wasn't entirely sure what to make of Slinky's sudden existential crisis, but he had a feeling things were about to get a lot more interesting. He fetched a bowl of milk for Slinky and settled down on the sofa, ready to embrace the absurdity of it all.]

다큐멘터리가 시작되자, 바나비는 슬링키가 항상 이렇게 철학적이었는지, 아니면 단순히 자신의 심오한 통찰력을 세상과 공유할 적절한 순간을 기다리고 있었는지 궁금해졌다. 어느 쪽이든, 바나비는 자신의 삶이 다시는 예전과 같지 않을 것임을 알았다. 그에겐 말하는 뱀이 애완동물로 있었고, 그 말하는 뱀은 인생이 무의미하다고 확신하고 있었다. 이는 그가 겪어본 가장 기이하고 우스꽝스러운 상황이었지만, 그는 이 상황을 달리 바꾸고 싶지 않았다.

[As the documentary began, Barnaby couldn't help but wonder if Slinky had always been this philosophical, or if he'd simply been waiting for the right moment to share his profound insights with the world. Either way, Barnaby knew that his life would never be the same. He had a talking snake for a pet, and that talking snake was convinced that life was meaningless. It was the most bizarre and hilarious situation he'd ever found himself in, and he wouldn't have it any other way.]

다음 날 아침, 바나비는 슬링키가 실존주의 책을 읽고 있는 것을 발견했다.

[The next morning, Barnaby woke up to find Slinky reading a book on existentialism.]

“좋은 아침, 바나비," 슬링키가 고개를 들지 않고 말했다. "사르트르의 불성실 개념의 함의에 대해 생각해 봤어?"

["Good morning, Barnaby," Slinky said, without looking up. "Have you considered the implications of Sartre's concept of bad faith?"]

바나비는 눈을 비볐다. "아니, 별로 안 해봤어, 슬링키. 실존적 불안을 느끼기엔 아직 이른 아침이야."

[Barnaby rubbed his eyes. "Not really, Slinky. It's a bit early for existential angst."]

"말도 안 돼," 슬링키가 말했다. "실존적 불안은 시대를 초월한 추구야. 어쩌면 그것만이 진정으로 중요한 유일한 추구라고 할 수 있지."

["Nonsense," Slinky said. "Existential angst is a timeless pursuit. One might even say it's the only pursuit that truly matters."]

바나비는 한숨을 쉬었다. 이 논쟁에서 이길 수 없다는 걸 알았다. 그는 시리얼을 한 그릇 부어 주방 테이블에 앉았다. 슬링키는 미끄러지듯 다가와 그와 함께 앉았고, 여전히 책을 감고 있었다.

[Barnaby sighed. He knew he wasn't going to win this argument. He poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the kitchen table. Slinky slithered over and joined him, the book still in his coils.]

"있잖아, 바나비," 슬링키가 말했다. "생각해봤는데, 만약 인생이 정말로 무의미하다면, 우리는 혼돈을 받아들여야 해. 그저 무슨 일이 일어날지 보기 위해 전혀 말이 안 되는 일들을 해야 해."

["You know, Barnaby," Slinky said, "I've been thinking. If life is truly meaningless, then perhaps we should embrace chaos. We should do things that make absolutely no sense, just to see what happens."]

바나비는 눈썹을 치켜올렸다. "예를 들면?"

[Barnaby raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"]

"예를 들어 슈퍼마켓에 투투를 입고 가는 거야," 슬링키가 말했다. "아니면 다람쥐에게 밴조 연주를 가르치려고 시도하는 거지. 아니면 실내 화초를 위한 철학 운동을 시작할 수도 있어."

["Like wearing a tutu to the grocery store," Slinky said. "Or trying to teach a squirrel how to play the banjo. Or maybe we could start a philosophical movement for houseplants."]

바나비는 웃음을 참을 수 없었다. "슬링키, 넌 천재야."

[Barnaby couldn't help but laugh. "Slinky, you're a genius."]

"알아," 슬링키가 득의양양하게 혀를 날름거리며 말했다.

["I know," Slinky said, with a smug flick of his tongue.]

그리하여 바나비와 슬링키는 일련의 터무니없는 모험을 시작했다. 그들은 다른 쇼핑객들의 즐거움 속에서 슈퍼마켓에 투투를 입고 갔다. 다람쥐에게 밴조 연주를 가르치려고 시도했지만, 다람쥐는 밴조 줄을 먹는 데 더 관심이 있었다. 심지어 실내 화초를 위한 철학 운동을 시작했는데, 놀랍게도 작지만 헌신적인 추종자들을 얻었다.

[And so, Barnaby and Slinky embarked on a series of absurd adventures. They wore tutus to the grocery store, much to the amusement of the other shoppers. They attempted to teach a squirrel how to play the banjo, but the squirrel was more interested in eating the banjo strings. They even started a philosophical movement for houseplants, which surprisingly gained a small but dedicated following.]

그들의 기행은 지역 언론의 주목을 받았고, 곧 바나비와 슬링키는 소소한 유명인사가 되었다. 그들은 텔레비전에서 인터뷰를 하고, 신문에 실리고, 심지어 명문 대학에서 강연을 해달라는 초청을 받았다.

[Their antics attracted the attention of the local media, and soon Barnaby and Slinky were minor celebrities. They were interviewed on television, featured in newspapers, and even invited to give a talk at a prestigious university.]

"이 모든 게 좀 터무니없지 않아?" 바나비가 대학 강연을 준비하면서 슬링키에게 말했다.

["This is all rather absurd, isn't it?" Barnaby said to Slinky, as they were preparing for their university lecture.]

"물론이지," 슬링키가 말했다. "하지만 그게 핵심이야. 우리는 이 모든 것의 무의미함을 받아들이고 그 과정에서 약간의 재미를 즐기고 있는 거야."

["Of course it is," Slinky said. "But that's the point. We're embracing the meaninglessness of it all and having a bit of fun along the way."]

바나비는 미소를 지었다. 그는 슬링키의 말이 일리가 있다는 걸 인정해야 했다. 그들이 터무니없는 것을 받아들인 이후로 그들의 삶은 훨씬 더 흥미로워졌다. 그리고 누가 알겠는가, 어쩌면 그들은 단지 사람들을 웃게 만드는 것만으로도 실제로 세상에 변화를 주고 있을지도 모른다.

[Barnaby smiled. He had to admit, Slinky had a point. Their lives had become a lot more interesting since they'd embraced the absurd. And who knew, maybe they were actually making a difference in the world, even if it was just by making people laugh.]

그들이 가득 찬 강당을 마주하고 무대에 섰을 때, 바나비는 깊은 숨을 들이쉬었다. "신사 숙녀 여러분," 그가 말했다, "오늘 우리는 여러분께 인생의 의미에 대해 이야기하려고 합니다. 아니, 정확히 말하면 의미의 부재에 대해서요."

[As they stood on the stage, facing a packed auditorium, Barnaby took a deep breath. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "we're here today to talk to you about the meaning of life. Or rather, the lack thereof."]

슬링키가 연단 위로 미끄러져 올라와 청중들에게 매력적인 미소를 지었다. "제 존경하는 동료가 지적했듯이, 인생은 본질적으로 무의미합니다. 하지만 그게 꼭 나쁜 것은 아니에요. 사실, 그것은 꽤 해방감을 줄 수 있죠."

[Slinky slithered onto the podium and gave the audience a charming smile. "As my esteemed colleague has pointed out, life is inherently meaningless. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be quite liberating."]

바나비와 슬링키는 다음 한 시간 동안 실존주의의 세부 사항들을 논의하며, 그들의 터무니없는 모험에 대한 농담과 일화들로 강연을 풍성하게 했다. 청중들은 매료되었다. 그들은 웃고 울었으며, 강당을 떠날 때는 정말 독특한 경험을 한 것 같은 기분이 들었다.

[Barnaby and Slinky spent the next hour discussing the finer points of existentialism, peppering their lecture with jokes and anecdotes about their absurd adventures. The audience was captivated. They laughed, they cried, and they left the auditorium feeling like they had just experienced something truly unique.]

강연이 끝난 후, 바나비와 슬링키는 그들이 발표한 아이디어들을 논의하고 싶어 하는 학생들과 교수진들에게 둘러싸였다.

[After the lecture, Barnaby and Slinky were surrounded by students and faculty, eager to discuss the ideas they had presented.]

"제 인생을 바꾸셨어요," 한 학생이 바나비에게 말했다. "전에는 이런 식으로 인생을 생각해 본 적이 없었어요."

["You've changed my life," one student said to Barnaby. "I've never thought about life this way before."]

"이 모든 건 슬링키 덕분이야," 바나비가 그의 철학적인 뱀 동료를 가리키며 말했다.

["It's all thanks to Slinky," Barnaby said, gesturing towards his philosophical snake companion.]

슬링키는 겸손하게 고개를 숙였다. "제게는 영광이었습니다," 그가 말했다.

[Slinky bowed his head modestly. "It was my pleasure," he said.]

바나비와 슬링키는 앞으로 수년 동안 그들의 철학적 모험을 계속했다. 그들은 세계를 여행하며 부조리의 메시지를 전파하고 사람들이 존재의 혼돈을 받아들이도록 격려했다. 그리고 비록 그들은 인생의 의미를 찾지는 못했지만, 그들은 훨씬 더 가치 있는 무언가를 발견했다: 무의미함의 아름다움에 대한 깊은 감사.

[Barnaby and Slinky continued their philosophical adventures for many years to come. They traveled the world, spreading their message of absurdity and encouraging people to embrace the chaos of existence. And though they never found the meaning of life, they did find something far more valuable: a deep appreciation for the beauty of the meaningless.]

끝

[The End]

[neocatharsis]

241005 MARK (@ r_e__m___) IG Update

“어쩌면 내가 너보다도 훨씬 maybe i’m the loser”

[buseulbuseul]

<첫사랑(First Love)> [5/8]

[first page] <- [prev] [next] ->

콘티를 계속 수정하는 바람에..어쩌면 14장보다 더 그려야 할지도..?

아무튼 페이드 펜 최고다!

[keemzi]

잔혹한 계절이 가고.

낙엽이 붉게 진 거리를 걸으며 멍하니 거리를 바라보다가 어느 골목길 어귀를 지날 때, 문득 당신이 보고싶어졌더랍니다.

당신의 얼굴을 떠올리려 애를 썼지만 더이상 기억이나지 않았습니다.

그렇게 기억은 소멸하고 마는 걸까요. 그런 날이 오고야 말았습니다.

당신의 눈코입은 기억 나지 않아도 기억하는 것들은 분명 있습니다.

몇해 전, 붉은 나무가 커다랗게 보였던 비상구 계단에 앉아 몰래 담배를 피우던 당신. 우연히 마주친 나에게 앉아보라는 손짓과 함께 피우던 담배를 등뒤로 숨기던 기억이 선명합니다. 그때 제게 낙엽이 진 나무를 보러 가자고 한 적이 있었죠. 당신이 무심코 던진 서글픈 말에 저는 관심도 없었던 가을의 나무를 아끼게 되었습니다.

잘 지내시나요?

저는 그럭저럭 지냅니다.

하루가 왜 그렇게 빨리 흘러가는 건지. 매일이 마치 타입랩스 한 편을 본 것 같은 기분입니다.

특별할 것도 없고, 유난히 기쁘거나 슬프진 않아요. 감정이 가끔 눈치 없이 기승을 부리곤 하지만 그럴 때 마다 더 잘 살아 갈 거라고 스스로를 다독이는 수 밖에 없습니다. 인생이 다 그렇듯 굴곡도 있고 올곧게도 흘러가곤 하니까.

이 곳으로 온 것도 내 선택, 구렁텅이 같은 슬픔에 빠져든 것도 내 선택, 모든 것들은 내 선택이었으니까요.

어쩌면 그 선택에 응당한 벌을 받고 있는 걸지도 모르겠습니다.

나는 삶을 제대로 둘러 본 적 없는 사람이라, 조금만 고개를 돌려도 새로움을 마주하는 기분으로 살아간 적이 있었습니다.

그 새로움을 알던 나인데, 예전만큼 제가 가진 삶의 모든 일들이 새롭게 느껴지지 않았습니다. 꿈이 없고, 걱정이 늘었으며 그나마 지푸라기처럼 쥐고 살았던 사랑 마저 잃어버렸던. 위태로운 시간이 있었습니다.

그 끝에 저는 사람에게 쉽게 싫증을 내고 상황에 못견뎌하는 나약한 사람이 되었습니다. 친절을 혐오하는 편협한 관계들이 싫어서, 아무런 설명도 없이 떠나버리는 사람들이 싫어서였습니다. 저는 그들을 정말 아끼고 오래도록 기다렸거든요.

그 사실을 견디지 못하고서 도망치려다가도 종종 실패해요.

그렇게 실패를 겪고 나면 그저 온 몸에 힘을 빼고 수면위에 떠서 어디론가 흘러가듯. 나의 도망을 이 세계로부터 흘려보내는 겁니다.

당신도 그렇게 도망쳐 본 적이 있나요? 불안했나요. 아니면 행복했나요.

예전에 저는 도망치면 자꾸.. 돌아갔습니다. 다시 내가 겪어내야하는 격정의 시기로 굴복을 하고 돌아갔어요. 모든게 실패였습니다.

삶에 원하는 것이라곤 딱하나였을지 모르겠습니다. 내가 알던 새로움 속으로 다시 유유히 유영하는 것, 밝고 행복한 모습으로 말입니다.

두번 다시 멍청한 내가 되기 싫어서. 도망치고 도망쳐서 멍청했던 과거의 나를 잊어버릴 때까지 가는 겁니다.

나의 불안했던 과거를 수용했어야했는데. 그러지 못해 고독하게 남아버린 껍데기만 그득합니다.

이런 지난 제 삶을 생각해보면 당신과도 많이 닮아있는 것 같다는 생각이 들어 가끔은 일상생활이 힘들때가 있습니다.

그럴 때마다 머릿속에 깜빡이가 켜지 듯, 자꾸만 우리를 둘러싸던 기억의 조각들이 내게 몰려와 마치 내게 당신이 정신차리라며 철썩하고 뺨을 때리는 것만 같은 기분이 듭니다.

정신차리자. 정신차리자. 이러한 말을 반복해서 입밖으로 내 뱉다가 문득 지나온 제 삶이 너무 형편없어서 눈물이 났습니다.

그럴 때면 당신은 분명 실의에 빠진 저를 위로했을 겁니다.

두손을 꽉 쥐고서 절대 그렇지 않다며. 너는 그렇게 형편없는 사람이 아니라며. 잘 살고 있는 거라며.

나는 당신을 잘 모르고 당신도 나를 잘 모르지만, 그러한 생각만으로도 당신은 늘 몇번이고 나를 그렇게 삶에 구렁텅이에서 끄집어내 살게했으니까요.

언젠가는 제가 더 잘 살게되는 날이 올까요. 가을의 나무를 다시 사랑하게 될 날이 오면 좋겠습니다.

[liilithmin]

복작대는 리듬, 어쩌면 이 또한 또 다른 해금 ⎯╾⃰◌̺̺͙𖢖ུ⃨

[dawon-k]

관통하는 너 – 나는 빛나고 싶어. 아니면, 내 마음 깊은 곳에 담긴 감정을 누군가가 들어주길 바라는 걸지도 몰라. 언젠가 정말 그렇게 될 수 있는 날을 간절히 바라며 살아가. 하지만 감정이 차오를 때마다, 내가 할 수 있는 건 그저 나 자신에게 편지를 쓰는 것뿐이야. 아주 작은 위안이라도 찾을 수 있길 바라면서.

라는 글을 썼어요..! 🥲

” 미래에 분명 할 수 있어 “

어쩌면 언어가 더욱 통한다면 우리는 집 밖을 나간 순간 나에게 늘 약간의 거짓말을 늘 쳐야한다는걸 깨달았기 때문입니다.

-

Piercing Through You – I want to shine, or maybe, I just want to let the deepest emotions in my heart be heard. I keep longing for the day when that might finally be possible. But as my feelings swell inside me, all I can do is write this letter to myself, hoping to find even the faintest trace of comfort. 🥲

Perhaps, if language connected us more deeply, it is because we have realized that the moment we step outside, we are always forced to tell little lies to ourselves.

Sad..

“I can fly , and you can make. “

I won’t break down.

[yj2point0]

<한강의 수상 소감 중에서> “저는 술을 못 마십니다. 최근에는 건강을 생각해 커피를 비롯한 모든 카페인도 끊었습니다. 좋아했던 여행도 이제는 거의 하지 않습니다. 다시 말해 저는, 무슨 재미로 사느냐는 질문을 종종 받는 사람입니다. 대신 걷는 것을 좋아합니다. 아무리 읽어도 다 따라잡을 수 없을 만큼 쏟아져 나오는 좋은 책들을 놓치지 않고 읽으려 시도하지만, 읽은 책들만큼이나 아직 못 읽은 책들이 함께 꽂혀 있는 저의 책장을 좋아합니다. 사랑하는 가족과, 다정한 친구들과 웃음과 농담을 나누는 하루하루를 좋아합니다.

그렇게 담담한 일상 속에서 제가 가장 좋아하는 것은 쓰고 싶은 소설을 마음속에서 굴리는 시간입니다. 아직 쓰지 않은 소설의 윤곽을 상상하고, 떠오르는 대로 조금 써보기도 하고, 쓰는 분량보다 지운 분량이 많을 만큼 지우기도 하고, 제가 쓰려는 인물들을 알아가기 위해 여러 방법으로 노력하는 과정을 중요하게 생각합니다.

소설을 막상 쓰기 시작하면 필연적으로 길을 잃기도 하고, 모퉁이를 돌아 예상치 못한 곳으로 들어설 때 스스로 놀라게도 되지만, 먼 길을 우회해 마침내 완성을 위해 나아갈 때의 기쁨은 큽니다. 저는 1994년 1월에 첫 소설을 발표했으니, 올해는 그렇게 글을 써온 지 꼭 삼십년이 되는 해입니다. 이상한 일은, 지난 삼십년 동안 제가 나름으로 성실히 살아내려 애썼던 현실의 삶을 돌아보면 마치 한줌의 모래처럼 손가락 사이로 빠져나가는 듯 짧게 느껴지는 반면, 글을 쓰며 보낸 시간은 마치 삼십년의 곱절은 되는 듯 길게, 전류가 흐르는 듯 생생하게 느껴진다는 것입니다.

약 한 달 뒤에 저는 만 54세가 됩니다. 통설에 따라 작가들의 황금기가 보통 50세에서 60세라고 가정한다면 6년이 남은 셈입니다. 물론 70세, 80세까지 현역으로 활동하는 작가들도 있지만 그것은 여러 모로 행운이 따라야 하는 일이니, 일단 앞으로 6년 동안은 지금 마음속에서 굴리고 있는 책 세 권을 쓰는 일에 몰두하고 싶습니다. 물론, 그렇게 쓰다 보면 지금까지 그랬던 것처럼 그 6년 동안 다른 쓰고 싶은 책들이 생각나, 어쩌면 살아 있는 한 언제까지나 세 권씩 앞에 밀려 있는 상상 속 책들을 생각하다 제대로 죽지도 못할 거라는 불길한 예감이 들지만 말입니다.

다만 그 과정에서 참을성과 끈기를 잃지 않기를 희망하고 있습니다. 동시에 일상의 삶을 침착하게 보살피는 균형을 잡아보고 싶습니다.“

[fresh-tomatogogi]

방화복입고 구조작업하면 내부온도가 40도까지 올라간다

↑이 문장을 기점으로... →그럼 파이로는 남들보다 훨씬 빠르게 많은 양의 땀을 흘리겠다→ 저 온도를 견딜만큼 체내에 수분저장이 가능하단 뜻이니까 확신의 근육돼지→ 혈액순환 졸라리 빠를듯 전혈 30초 컷하는거아냐??→ 그럼 술도 금방 깨겠다→ 용병들중에서 해독작용 제일 빠르고 잘 버틸 듯?? 어쩌면 스파이보다도??

이런 의식의 흐름으로 말술 파이로가 나오게 됨........... 례

[eundoh]

오랜만에 일기를 쓰려고 보니 4월의 마지막 날이다. 내팽개쳐둔 나날들을 찬찬히 떠올려보았다. 너무 슬픈 사실인데 행복했던 장면이 한 챕터도 없다. 좋아지려다 다시 무너지고, 일어서려다 다시 넘어지고, 펑펑 울고 싶어 주말만 오길 기다리고, 나 홀로 멍청한 계주가 되어 양극단에 놓인 감정의 배턴을 미친 듯이 주고받은 한 달이었다.

Everything happen for a reason. 요즘 매일 주문처럼 되뇌인다. 어쩌면 지금 내가 내린 결정들에 자신이 없어서 이러는 걸지도 모르겠다. 그래도 알잖아. 어떤 선택과 결과든 그 순간 내가 진실했고 진심이었으면 된 거야. 내 가슴에 떳떳한 족적만 남기자. 그러니 불확실하고 불완전한 오늘의 나를 조금 더 믿어주고 소중히 하자. 나를 아프게 하는 것들과 이제 정말 그만 작별하자.

좋은 시를 읽었다. 선물 상자를 열 듯 그 사람을 만나라는 말. 정성스럽게 매고 간 나의 리본을, 매번 정성을 다해 풀어주던 사람의 기억은 나를 정말 기어코 살아가게 한다. 서로의 가치를 존중하는 관계 속에서 살아가고 싶다. 드디어, 이제서야 그러고 싶다.

[cho-yongchul]

이른 아침 매장에 나오는대 내리는 눈 ..

어쩌면 올해 마지막 눈일수도 있어서 찰칵

오늘은 회장단 워크샵 으로 영종도에 가지만 매장은.정상 운영 됩니다

배달은 배달어플로 이용하시면 되겠습니다 ^ ^ ;;

#광명전통시장 #광명시장 #전통시장 #추천맛집 #광명왕족발 #광명할머니왕족발 은 #광명소셜상점 #광명8경 #광명동굴 #광명시 #LocalGuides 와 함께 합니다