#꒰ ˚₊𖤐‧pills vents‧𖤐₊˚ ꒱

[hxppy-pillss]

i'm getting real sick of everyone and their shit

[hxppy-pillss]

:: random ramble under the cut ::

one of our close friends recently to our knowledge has started dating someone, happy for him ofc (ig,host is more so than i am but yk)

but honestly i'm a little skeptical and maybe worried about him. he asked us a question not that long ago about how we feel, being someone with npd, about manipulation and it being one of the key factors in diagnosis for npd. after we gave our answer he said he had another question but didn't really want to ask it (yes we've still been thinking about it and may bring it up again to see if he'd be willing to say it).

host and our other friend have been going through it though bc he'd hardly talk to, text, or ask to hang out with either of them but text and hang out with his now partner and another friend he has all the time. the other friend confronted him after he went downstairs, leaving us, to spend the rest of his break with her (we're uncertain if this was before they were a thing or not; bc the last time i vented to our other friend about him, he knew they were a thing while we didn't).

something none of us can wrap our heads around is how our friend insists he doesn't have any romantic feelings for her yet is dating her anyway. when our other friend told us they were dating he made it seem like our friend didn't want to put a label on them but she kinda forced him to..

we're kind of worried their relationship isn't all that great even though it hasn't even been that long since they started dating in the first place. we're too chicken to say anything to our friend though about it since y'know we don't really know all the details (he doesn't have to share everything with us but host kinda wishes he would at the very least share a little bit). maybe we could get someone else to kinda open the door for him to vent some things if he'd like to.. recently he said he was in a depressed episode and i can't help but think she had something to do with it. host tried to get him to talk about it but just kept saying he didn't want to; which if you really didn't want to talk about it why would say something about it in the first place, y'know?

our other friend kinda made him upset monday and he told us that when he got off work tuesday he went to her place and told her n her roomies about what had happened monday. we were there monday but he also told us about what made him upset so i don't think he was really upset with us just our other friend.

i think it's a little funny whenever she's around though i get triggered to front cuz i'm the one that has the most issues with her and our friend. i dunno

[hxppy-pillss]

somewhat regarding my last post, i want to rant about this issue to someone but my problem is i know it's hypocritical that we feel this way. and i don't really know how my other friend feels about it; kinda just waiting for him to complain about it or say something about it before talking about our feelings on the subject. but he hasn't yet so here i am, going to complain here, because i don't know how much more i can take.

the reason this is hypocritical of us is because when someone feels the way we do when i talk to someone about something and they act like they don't care, i get upset, obviously that would make anyone upset. but when my friend brings up other people or more recently, talks about a co-worker that we guess he might be in a relationship with now(?), i don't really care? i don't like my friend romantically or anything of that sort (but we are both systems and we have some alters that like each other and are in their own relationships, same with our other friend and him, so maybe it's the others spreading their dislike of the whole situation to the rest of us?)

like, it's hard for me to care or even act like i care all that much. like, good for you? i dunno.

don't really know what to do.

[hxppy-pillss]

you guys wanna know something that really gets on my nerves and pisses me off?

when someone asks you a question and you go to answer them but while doing so, they interrupt you and/or are talking over you the whole time. like at this point i don't even want to try talking to you if this is how youre gonna be. and this isn't the first time i've had this kind of interaction with this person, so now my feelings towards trying to talk with them is doubled.

it's like, why even ask me a question if you actually don't even care, y'know?

[hxppy-pillss]

at the end of the day it's whatever i guess, situation is done and over with, has been for a few days now. but at the time it was just, a little annoying? like, how would you feel if you were talking to someone and they kept almost insisting that your favourite character in a game you both like will never be playable because of reasons they came up with? and no matter how many times you say to them that you're just gonna hold out hope your fave is playable and that you'd be devastated and seriously consider quitting the game altogether if your fave isn't playable, they still double down that your fave won't be. then you end the conversation with stating you refuse to believe your fave won't be playable until you hear it from the devs themselves.

it's kinda funny because you know how they would react if the roles were reversed; if for whatever reason you were telling them a character they liked wouldn't be playable. they'd most certainly throw a fit about it. but because this is a character you love and they almost despise i guess it's okay.

you're coming to despise a lot of characters they like actually. for similar reasons they hate a small handful of some, because they see them everywhere. you've never been a big fan of the ones you like in the first place, like when they were first released in the game or even when they were being teased or drip marketed. you've even added tags to almost every blocklist on every social media, yet somehow, some posts still manage to slip through. though you've never gone out of your way to search up anything to do with the characters. and you don't dare say anything about your almost growing distain for the small few because at the end of the day,

it's not that deep.

[hxppy-pillss]

when the vibes of the friend group are off

[hxppy-pillss]

oooohohoho i'm gonna lose it im gonna lose it I'm gonna lose it i'm gonna lose it im gonna lose it I'm gonna lose it i'm gonna lose it im gonna lose it I'm gonna lose it i'm gonna lose it im gonna lose it I'm gonna lose it i'm gonna lose it im gonna lose it I'm gonna lose it i'm gonna lose it im gonna lose it I'm gonna lose it i'm gonna lose it im gonna lose it I'm gonna lose it i'm gonna lose it im gonna lose it I'm gonna lose it

[hxppy-pillss]

chat i'm gonna lose it

[hxppy-pillss]

but, yknow, i never say anything really

cuz i feel like it's my own fault, so i don't have a right to say anything about how i actually feel. what could they do anyway? nothing will change, or if it does it'll just be short lived. i don't have the energy or spoons after work to hang out all the time, and more often than not my off days are reserved for me myself n i, to try and recoup after a long week/string of workdays. sorry but sometimes i don't want to do things when im off

but still

it sucks hearing your friends hang out without u, not even bothering to invite u

sure ofc i had work that day, but if it was planned i could've been invited and requested the day off.

and even today, the others hung out and i wasn't asked or invited. neither was our other friend.

it's whatever ig

but it still hurts

[hxppy-pillss]

like, idk, i get where ur coming from, honestly i do

but also sometimes (or really in general) you've gotten more time than me, and the way u feel abt this current issue is EXACTLY how i feel 90% of the time

[hxppy-pillss]

it's honestly so tiring pretending to care