#【 felicia windsor ❖ headcanon 】

[aquamanandfriends]

"Oh we still can," Felicia refused to miss out on anything anymore. Rowan's next question was heavier and made Felicia pause to consider her answer. "I think I want love, romance, I want to be that for someone else. More than just number, optics, money. I want something real, to be cared for." She sighed feeling silly just talking about it, "I want to be fulfilled? I don't even really know what that means fully but I want to find out." Felicia wasn't used to being so vulnerable but there was something about having known Rowan from before that made her trust a little easier. She cleared her through and reached for the wine bottle to refresh her glass. "What about you? What is something you want now?"

"Business and finance. Imagine what we could've accomplished if we'd stuck together through college." Then again, she likely wouldn't have had the boys, and Rowan wouldn't trade them for anything. Rowan remained quiet through the rest, wanting to absorb it all without interrupting Felicia's train of thought. A tiny frown tugged at her lips as Fel explained her relationship with Dave. Ro didn't want to get into her own ex, preferring to focus on the present, though she, like Felicia, wanted to make up for lost time. "No, you shouldn't. So, what do you want now?"

[aquamanandfriends]

TagDump - Felicia Windsor

[aquamanandfriends]

But it was interesting. She wanted to know everything she'd missed, all the things that made Rowan who she was today. Felicia leaned forward, her focus fully on the woman across from her as she spoke. "Mmm," she nodded. Business and entrepreneurship was a perfect fit. "Oh god, well," she sighed sitting up a little straighter. "I dove right into college, got my master's degree in finance. I met David a little after graduating. We both wanted similar things and at the time I thought that life was more choices than feelings. I uh, I didn't realize how much I was missing until it was too late, but getting married is what you do right? And it helped both of us financially, we were both hiding from ourselves more than we realized then. I uh," she chewed on her bottom lip, "I think I enabled it and I was in denial of it all. I wanted him to be more than he was for me, more than he could be," she shrugged. "We only really lived together for maybe two years?" Felicia squinted, "Then I took the loft, he took the pent house and we just showed up to events together if we needed to-- which always ended in a brutal fight. Things are messy and the short of it is I'm ready to move on from the whole thing but he likes to burry his head in the sand," she rolled her eyes.

"I worked my way up to FCO in the family business, I've had to really put on a face and over the last few years I've realized that's not for me. Why not be myself? Windsor Country Clubs has been around forever, it needs fresh views not just that of straight old white men. I spent so much time and energy on work that I didn't even really realize I wasn't happy, that I'd missed out on all these things," she shrugged. "For a long time I thought I had it all figured out but I was just denying how lonely I was. I shouldn't have to be alone, I shouldn't be ashamed of wanting more."

"Oh, the whole thing is not that interesting," Ro said with a shake of her head. "I was two years into college for a Business/Entrepreneurship degree when I got pregnant," she said. Originally, she'd wanted to start a car shop to restore vintage cars. Back then, Ro figured she wasn't good--or at least, capable--at anything else. "I tried doing school on and off, to finish my degree, but the second pregnancy was a lot harder." She finished off her glass before explaining a little more, not that Rowan liked thinking about the past when the present demanded so much of her. "Your turn. Previously on..." Rowan arched a brow with a grin.

[aquamanandfriends]

Rowan's reply brought that almost shy smile back to Felicia's lips. She ducked her head and took a sip of her wine. "I'll keep some flammin' hot Cheetos for you at mine," she replied with far more confidence. "Hmm, um, not in a couple of months?" Felicia thought back, "It feels like every weekend there's some stupid call I have to take, and the girl I went out with last was a real partier-- which is fine, that has its place, but I couldn't do it all the time, you know?" It hadn't last long, and it'd been fun just no substance.

Most people would have expected boogey snacks that belonged on an expensive charcuterie board, but Rowan knew better than to assume anything about anyone, let alone Felicia. "I'll make sure to keep Oreos and spicy Cheez-Its stashed away," Rowan said with a grin. She realized, seconds after the words slipped from her lips, what that might imply, but didn't care. Neither of them was pulling any punches about admitting their interest; no use it trying now. "When was the last time you had a seriously chill day? No stress, no responsibilities; just junk food, wine, and your Netflix queue?"

[aquamanandfriends]

"Put-put's fun, there's more colors and challenges other than sand traps and boring conversation." Felicia grinned and lifted a brow. She sat up a little straighter when Rowan shot the questions back at her, direct, she liked it. "I like citrus, Oreos, cake pops, hot and spicy Cheese-It's for sure-- I weirdly can't do the flaming hot Cheetos but the hot and spicy Cheese-It's are just right. Oh it's trashy but Pizza Combos."

"Oh, I have a feeling you're good at a lot of things," Rowan said with a knowing grin. She laughed, brows raising when Felicia said she hated it. "What about put-put golf?" Was it just the business talk that took all the fun out of it, or the sport itself? Ro's smile softened a little as she reached for her glass. "You don't have to impress me, Fee. I'm here, aren't I?" After admitting that she didn't waste time dating, too. "Cheesy snacks. I have a definite weakness for Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Fudgy brownies. Ooh, mozzarella-stuffed pretzel bites. And weirdly, anything lemon, so long as it isn't lemon and honey. Your turn."

[aquamanandfriends]

"Oh yeah, I'm actually really good at it. We'll have to go duckpin bowling, there are a few places that have really good drinks and appetizers too. Everyone always wants to go golfing when talking about business but god it's just so boring. I'm good at it, but I really hate it," she shrugged. "I'll take you some time, or if this date gets too elaborate because I'm desperately trying to impress you then maybe you can just come over and we can watch a grown up movie. What's your go to snack? Favorites, tell me."

Oh, Rowan had been a fucking mess growing up. It wasn't rebellion for rebellion's sake. Her family life hadn't been great, and acting out had been a failed attempt (time and time again) to get attention. "It's not always easy, and not every day is perfect, but I'd rather have my boys and our little world than an empty mansion. Though I've always loved the image of Scrooge McDuck diving into a pool of gold coins." Though she was content, Rowan wasn't done. She still pushed herself, took risks, but she wasn't devastated by failures the way some people were. "Oh, pampering," she said, smiling. She laughed, eyes dancing. "Bowling? Full of surprises, huh?"

[aquamanandfriends]

Had Rowan always been this fucking wise? Every time she spoke Felicia couldn't look away, she hung on every word. That sweet soft smile tugged on Felicia's lips. Rowan squeezed her hand and Felicia sighed, "I'm jealous," she admitted, "I spent so much time just trying to be more and more successful, to just be content is... it's more than most people ever achieve," she shrugged a little. "I know now that part of that was fueled by the people I surrounded myself with and conventional standards of what constitutes as success. It's part of why I agreed to get married. You're miles ahead of me," she shot Rowan a sweet look. "Oh I'll show you. Spa, hair, nails, new clothes, massages, bowling of course," she added with a cute shrug.

"I know," Rowan said, giving Felicia a soft, reassuring smile. "Most people have been, though, and never get even a taste of success. I learned to be grateful with what I have a long time ago. And I'm really happy with my life, even when it feels chaotic at times. I do appreciate it, though." Rowan squeezed Felicia's handle the compliment warming her skin. "What's your idea of goddess treatment?"

[aquamanandfriends]

"Oh I'm there, it's exciting," Felicia nodded. She'd spent so much time trying to be what her parents, what the world, thought she should be. Now that she'd stopped stressing about trying to fit into boxes she was able to actually live her life. "Mm mama like to play hard," she teased then laughed, "Oh wow no pressure. I'm actually good with that, every time I've waited for the other person to make a move it never happens or is really anticlimactic, at least with men," she half joked lifting her glass to her lips.

"You don't have to, but I don't think people talk about that enough. I'm a work-in-progress and love that for me. I want that for you, too. Besides, you've been working so hard; it's time for you to play hard, too." Ro smiled as Felicia kissed her knuckles, squeezing Felicia's fingers before extracting her hand to reach for her glass. Before she could take a sip, she laughed, eyes dancing. "Oh, I'll leave that one up to you."

[aquamanandfriends]

"Mm, I know. I'm--I'm very proud of all I've accomplished," Felicia assured Rowan and brushed her thumb gently over the back of her hand. "I really thought I had it all figured out," she shrugged. "It's freeing to realize I don't have to have everything together." Felicia's soft smile turned playful in response to what Rowan said next. "I'm very good with slow," she lifted Rowan's hand and pressed a small kiss to her knuckles before letting her hand go. "But when you say slow," she paused frowning cutely, "When is too fast to try to kiss you?" Felicia squinted, slowly letting her smile return.

"You've accomplished so much. You realize that, right? Like, you are such a badass--give yourself credit for that." Rowan gave Felicia's hand a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to fake it with me. I'm not together most days, but I make it work with what I've got. As for this--" Rowan gestured between them. "Just because we're making up for lost time doesn't mean we have to rush. You'd be surprised how fun it is sometimes to go slow." Her eyes dazzled with mischief.

[aquamanandfriends]

"I knew we had something, I just couldn't admit to it then," Felicia confessed. Rowan reached out and took the blonde's hand making Felicia smile, that soft smile that was so rare for her. "Yeah, I'm good," she squeezed Rowan's hand back. "I'm sitting with a beautiful woman, who is interested in me, not what I can offer, and enjoying a great meal. I'm fare more than okay," she nodded. "It just took me a while to get here you know? And--I--I know it's all a process, I'm just used to, I guess acting like I have all my shit together. Acting like I have that picture perfect thing. It's nice to not have to be fake." Felicia squeezed Rowan's hand again, "That and every time I lock eyes with you I just keep talking, it's a real problem."

"If I was having dinner with someone I'd just met, I'd say exactly that," she said, "But when you came into the bar, it felt like picking up where we'd left off; starting a new chapter, not a new book. So, seriously, you're not coming off too strong, and I'll tell you if you are--if you agree to do the same." For the first time since they'd seen each other at The Nest, Felicia almost looked nervous. Rowan reached out and squeezed her hand. "Hey. You okay?"

[aquamanandfriends]

"That is a very very good point," she conceded, "But to be fair, I was in the closet for a long time, and so scared of coming out of it I married a bisexual man who is in huge denial of his sexuality-- but also could be asexual?" Felicia realized as she was speaking, shook it off then looked back to Rowan. "Anyway, it's been way too long so if I come off too strong too fast tell me to pump the breaks." With that, she took a big bite of food so she didn't keep rambling. Felicia knew she could talk a lot but this was a different sort of ramble.

Rowan smirked and playfully rolled her eyes at Felicia before digging into her rosemary potatoes. "I mean, considering how long we've known each other--how long we've delayed this--I'd say you've left plenty of room as it is."

[aquamanandfriends]

Felicia grinned, "Reality tv is only fun if you're watching it get made." Another half joke. "Ah, so you know all your heroes. I haven't seen one of those movies in a long time. You'll have to catch me up, tell me what to never watch," she laughed. "Well, I love a good musical but live, few movies do it right. I like some good HGTV, but I also do really love Nikolas Mycroft's shows. Something really relaxing about him yelling at stupid people. I do love good indie movies. I'm eat through anything on HBO."

Not wanting to unload the struggle of getting her son to eat, Rowan nodded and took a sip from her glass. "I'll watch literally any indie film, so long as it doesn't have subtitles," she said. "We play a lot of The Bachelor or Great British Baking Show at the bar, but I feel like my own life had enough drama that reality TV doesn't do it for me. I prefer shows with a strong cast of female leads, like Hacks, Devious Maids, Claws. I get interrupted a lot when I'm trying to watch something, so I prefer TV over movies, but I used to love superhero films, though it pissed me off that there weren't any female lead ones growing up. Thankfully, the boys are into Marvel and DC, so I still get to watch those occasionally. What about you?"

[aquamanandfriends]

"I'm sure that was hard, you must have felt so relieved to have all that behind you," Felicia played with the stem of her wine glass, unable to pull her eyes from Rowan. "But isn't part of it just, natural? Like, do you notice as you feel more 'at home' or is it just something that happens? I know you can't force it." She'd had things that felt good, felt fun, but never home.

"Oh no. I hope not," she said with a laugh. "'Cause I was a sassy little fuck as a teenager, and I would not want to raise one helion like that, let alone two." Ro smirked when she saw that flare of pink against Felicia's milky cheeks. "Honestly, I didn't find that until I won custody of the boys. It's something you work at, build; it doesn't just happen over night. And that's what makes it even more worthwhile. Knowing you built that. That security, family, home."

[aquamanandfriends]

Felicia already loved the look that washed over Rowan's face when the boys were the topic of conversation. "Oh I'm sure they got everything from you," the blond winked playfully. As Rowan spoke Felicia felt more at ease, they were on similar pages. What Rowan said last made the blond blush something she never did, or even realize she could do. "Fair point," she smiled back at Rowan and tried to cover her blush with a sip of her wine. "All of that really sounds wonderful," she nodded. "I've been taking care of myself for a very long time, I just want to be a little selfish for once. Be myself." she shrugged. "But, I want something real, I want to know what home feels like. I've never found that you know?"

Rowan was not kicking off their first date talking about broken and expired condoms. "They're the best," she said, eyes soft as she thought of her boys. It didn't matter how many challenges she had to face because of them; they were the brightest lights in her life. "Ha. I prefer to think they got my smarts." Hopefully they had none of their fathers' (limited) brain. "I've thought about it," she said. Ro wouldn't be here otherwise. "I'm looking for someone I don't have to parent; someone responsible but who still has a childish streak to them--someone who still knows how to have fun without being stiff. Boundaries: I decide when the boys find out I'm dating, when they meet the person I'm dating, all of that. As for dating a woman who's still legally married--aren't I already?"

[aquamanandfriends]

"Oh then this," Felicia chuckled, "You'll be dreaming about this steak." And other things hopefully. "Mm, I used to be able to eat so much shit," she groaned. "I feel like that went away when I turned twenty-five about? I'm sure having not just one but two kids would effect that but you still look amazing." Felicia paused a moment, wondering if it was too weird of a question but she wanted to know more about Rowan, so she asked away. "Were the boys both planned or surprises?"

Again, they were equally matched, one touch spurring on another. Rowan skimmed her toes along the inside of Felicia's foot, matching that smile with an even broader one. "High ceilings," she said, taking no excuses. "And they always do." She waited until they were alone before answering Felicia's question. "Definitely steak and potatoes. I know that sounds boring and basic, but I miss heavy meals, pre-baby body. My metabolism is not what it used to be." It was definitely harder to eat vegetables, and anything mixed--salads, stews, any meals where ingredients obviously touched.

[aquamanandfriends]

Felicia wondered how soon was too soon to kiss this fantastic woman. Instead of doing anything all too stupid, she pushed her foot out and brushed it against Rowan's leg with a mirrored smile on her lips. "Oh I'm way too tall to be on a table but, Spice Girls might make me forget that," she frowned cutely. "Unfortunately?" Felicia scoffed with a laugh as their waiter returned. She ordered a lobster ravioli, flat bread for the table and asked for the waiter to just leave the bottle for them.

"So what are some of the foods you miss?" Felica asked taking a sip of her wine once their waiter left them alone.

"I don't mind such a beautiful distraction," Rowan said, giving Felicia a bright smile. They were both laying it on thick, which only encouraged Rowan to up her game. "But if guests start dancing on tables when we start playing 'Wannabe,' I expect you up there, too." Rowan wished she was joking. The menu of foods she could get her baby to eat was a one-pager. "Spoil away," she said. "Unfortunately, the boys gained my love of everything cheesy."