#「 caroline dubuis 」 –––––– only you & you alone.

[camillaharcourt]

       –––––– rain trickles against the windows on the autumn day. nothing new in the heart of london, it’s weather millie’s been used to all her life. but the american tourists she often serves always seem to be so surprised by how it’s raining cats and dogs. chin resting on her hand, her mind’s far gone from the coffeeshop she’s actually in. with earth angel on constant repeat on the jukebox, she zoned out a while ago, thinking of traveling the world instead. something she never got to do. taking over her parents business was way more important than her own dreams - and so she was here. as a waitress, as a man was supposed to be in charge of the business. and she got to deal with the customers day in - day out. white customers, mostly men, who didn’t know a thing about respect. in millie’s opinion colored people shouldn’t be banned from their coffeeshop, her coffeeshop, but it wasn’t her place to make demands. and so she dreamed of someday escaping this hell town instead. 

❝ she’s staring at you again, millie. i bet she’s a little coocoo. ❞ her younger coworker whispers in her ear with a giggle that pulls her back to reality. forgetting she’s supposed to do her job instead of daydreaming, she retracts leaning upon the bar with a sigh and turns around to grab the coffeepot.  ❝ there’s something called service, joanna. all she wants is a refill, grow up. ❞ she rather snarls than being kind - it’s the aftermath of being back in reality. it’s the doing of the storming night, she’s sure of it. and the fact the family at the other side of the coffeeshop keeps playing the same song over and over again. at least she doesn’t have to face them, there’s something about kids that unsettles her. smoothing her skirt as she moves over, red painted lips curl into a trying smile.  ❝ can i please you with a refill, miss? or is there something else occupying your mind i can possibly help you with? ❞

@velvetipped

[camillaharcourt]

I’LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN | CAROL & MILLIE | @velvetipped

    –––––– she remembers it well. the time she’s spent, trying to figure out what was wrong. why caroline didn’t react to her gentle, soothing touch. to her words. why she seemed to look right through her everytime she says her name. asks for her to look at her. but everything she does seems not good enough. little does she know it’s been days since their last conversation. since they’ve shared a loving touch. and it’s when she’s standing against the frame of their bedroom door, watching the love of her life, something hits her.

a tender lit room - one that resembles to a private booth of a stripclub. no. no, she’s wrong. when her gaze falls upon the pokertable behind her, where she’s cornered against, she knows where they are. the back of a casino. one of her hands rests on the slick wood of the table as the other’s hiding behind her back, feeling the green material the cards normally lay on. spread around, with a cigar or two. and a shot of bourbon, or whiskey, depending on the player’s poison. but this time there’s nothing, just a blank green canvas, ready to be played at. except, something tells her tonight there won’t be any games played. not the kind civilized society would normally play. an unexpected breath, one that’s only noticeable for herself, leaves her lips when she feels something touch her fingers. someone, not something. fingers lock with her own and hazel eyes fall onto the figure next to her. it’s blurry. unclear. like she can exactly see who it is, it’s right there on the tip of her tongue, but her brain won’t process. so all that remains is a hole her mind impossibly won’t fill up. 

❝ you can point the gun at me all you want, but i’m taking one of you with me to the grave. –– don’t mistake me for a fool. don’t ever – ... ❞

there are no details. everytime she tries to remember - everytime she tries to focus, the less her mind is willing to cooperate. so instead she’s just there. lingering in the space she’s most familiar with. she’s with her every second, she’s been there with her ever since she died. unable to let go. unable to leave caroline alone. there are moments she’s forgotten what happened - why her lover won’t respond to her, she’s right there with her after all. and it causes millie to withdraw from her and sit on the end of the bed instead. for minutes, hours not understanding what she’s done to upset her lover.

she often wanders around the house. when she’s realized it’s useless to talk. to try and seek communication when there is none. so she tries to find comfort in the place she lives in. a darker and grayer place she remembers. or was it just the weather, the clouds that drove the sunlight out in the afternoon skies that made this house seem so... unhappy? she misses something. a familiar light. heat. something.... something dangerous when touched for too long ––– fire! it was fire she missed. the fireplace burning, the living room basking in its glory and warmth. she hasn’t seen or felt that fire for a long time, it seems. but the strength to move down and heat the thing she doesn’t find. fingertips touch the dusty photoframes that are on the hearth instead. 

the doorbell rings. it does sometimes, but millie doesn’t pay attention any longer. the people that come in are a daze to her anyways. like white noise. she can’t see who they are, or what they’re saying. she sighs when her eyes fall on the beach photo of them together. it causes the corners of her lips to rise, as far was possible. she can’t be happy whilst her lover isn’t. but the sweet memory of their shared kiss in front of friends sparks an emotion she hasn’t felt in a while. happiness, she thinks it is. and it’s then she hears an unfamiliar voice coming from the bedroom.  ❝ we all miss her, caroline. we really do. –– ❞ silence falls for a moment and millie takes it to turn away from the hearth, slowly approach the room the female voice had come from.  ❝ – but life goes on. she would’ve wanted to see you happy. to move on, no matter how much it hurts. ❞ she recognizes that voice, she knows she does.

❝ wanna bet? – i pull the trigger faster than you can, asshole.❞  there are more people in the room, millie notices. she knows now. it’s not just her, the stranger pointing the gun at her and the figure next to her, but three more people have surrounded him. she remembers the fight, no, not a fight, a war. a war she had started by killing the cult’s queen lillian. and the chase, oh the forever chase to track down the upirs that had made it out alive. the friends they made along the way, finding out they hadn’t been alone. fighting a fight that had been going on for longer than millie knew - the queen apparently had made many enemies. and their fight had almost been over, save for one. the last pawn they had found tonight, hiding in the back of a casino that had been shut down years ago. a great hiding place, millie had to admit so, but not clever enough to have stayed off the radar. not for the codebreaker, at least. but somewhere along the way, whilst intruding the place, the tides had turned and they no longer had control over the situation. 

it’s katherine, she remembers now. their best friend, pointing a gun at their enemy. a glock g29 gen4 to be exact. it was better than this homemade one, but that didn’t rule out the danger they were in. and her strength grows around the hand she’s holding in her own when she notices his knuckles tighten, clearly not considering lowering the gun by katherine’s threat. and it pushes the air right out of millie when his shooting point shifts from her own chest towards caroline. 

caroline. oh god, it hits her now. she’s holding caroline’s hand. and her focus changes from the man towards her lover. she finds those beautiful oceanblue eyes she’s been drowning in over and over again. only to be rescued by those breathtaking lips. lips where both loving and awful words had dropped from over time, but they always made it through. they made it through everything, they were made for each other after all. like soulmates, always returning to each other. she thinks of the many times she’s been cupping those perfect cheekbones, traced the lines all over her face and kissed her forehead - her nose. kissed her everywhere she could possibly kiss her. ran her hands through her soft short hair. and her hands... the hand she’s holding onto. she takes in the feeling of skin on skin, as if it’s the last time.

and the last time, it had been. she figured it all out. it took her so long. but she knows why. her fingers trace her temple, the final blow still echoing through her skull, but there was no trace of a gunshot to be found.  ❝ –– caroline? ❞ she asks, not expecting an answer. for the first time knowing there won’t be an answer. because no matter how close she was to her lover, they were entirely separated. and the distance between them breaks her. it makes her hurry to the bedroom. how she had made it into the kitchen, she cannot remember. but the house is dark - the lights are out and she figures caroline’s to be found in the room they spent so much time together.  ❝ oh, caroline. ❞ she breathes out when she finds her in bed, moving in to hold her close. to brush her fingers through her hair, to brush her fingertips over her hand.  ❝ i’m so, so sorry.  ❞ tears drip onto the pillow, although she knows for sure it’s only her own hallucination. ghosts cannot cry, and most certainly caroline cannot see, feel or hear her. but her apologies - they’re real.  ❝ i had no idea... i didn’t know until now. –– i swear i’ve always been here. i’m right here. i was lost....so lost. –– my darling dearest, i wish i could’ve said goodbye. i wish you could hear me - like all the other many times i’ve tried to talk to you.....i thought you were angry. i thought - i thought you were upset, but not –– not because of... ❞ she’s unable to finish her sentence, listening to her lover’s breathing for a while. 

❝ i’ll always be here. i promise. –––––– my darling. ❞