#⭒ ˙ ˖ ✧ — ˗ˏˋ ❝ ꜰᴀᴅɪɴɢ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʏᴇꜱᴛᴇʀᴅᴀʏ; ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴜᴛ ᴘʀᴇ-ᴇꜱᴛᴀʙʟɪꜱʜᴇᴅ ʜᴀʀᴍᴏɴʏ ❞ ◌ ᴜʟᴛɪᴍ��ᴛᴇ ᴛᴀʟᴇɴᴛ ᴅᴇᴠ ᴀᴜ ¦ 「 Kazuichi 」

[not-bcring]

「 ☆ 」 Grimacing at Gundham's phrasing— it makes sense the other would have a poor view of ❛ horrible fruit-flavored concoctions ❜ —he stares into his empty glass and tries to take comfort in knowing he was RIGHT to order some shitty, satanic drink that is trying to burn a hole in his stomach. But it's a bittersweet victory, Kaz steeling himself for a night of swallowing shot after shot of ❛ liquid fire ❜. Honestly, HOW can anyone stand those things? Doesn't life already hurt enough; did they need to distill pain into a drinkable form? Is it really so bad to want to enjoy a few prettily-colored and sweet-tasting treats... Of course it is. Gundham just proved it.

What his boyfriend downed was a REAL drink. A man's drink... Kazuichi has already proven himself to be not even close to one: with his penchant for crying, colors, clinginess... taking cock. But drinking is something he can do. Poorly, maybe. But he can still do it. When he was desperately trying to act like someone he wasn't for people who couldn't care less, getting shit-faced was a tried-and-true method of showing he was capable of being somewhat cool and normal. Truthfully, Kazuichi doesn't know what urged him to try and recreate that with Gundham.

Things have been going well with his boyfriend. So very well... Maybe that's what brought this forth. Wanting to suggest drinking before Gundham could, so he wouldn't be taken off-guard. Needing to feel that false sense of control. To feel as though he's ❛ showing off ❜ for the other instead of being unknowingly backed into a corner by him. To impress Gundham, even if it's for a stupid reason like this.

Or maybe he just can't help but fuck up good things.

Pulled from his pondering, Kazuichi blinks at the softness in Gundham's tone. Looking away from the dark droplet sliding down his glass, pink hues questioningly focus upon his boyfriend. Wide and innocent, completely unaware of where the conversation is going. Cheeks hinting his signature pink, gaze shamefully averts at the question. Knotted stomach doesn't agree with the alcohol in it, the openness in Gundham's gaze feeling... misplaced. It's not meant for this atmosphere. For the taste of hard liquor tainting Kaz's tongue. The nausea swimming in his stomach. The nerves pounding against his chest. It's too loving. Too REAL.

❝ Y-Yeah... Yeah, I do. ❞ Kaz mutters, voice breaking as his hand slides across the counter without his consent. Tentatively resting beside Gundham's glass, nails have been scrubbed clean of the black and pink patterned polish he'd decorated them with earlier. It's a shame; he had seemed so proud of it this morning. Until overhearing some judgmental peers urged the mechanic to hastily remove it in the bathroom a few hours later. Fingers inch a bit closer to Gundham, Kaz finally sparing him an uncertain look, before a small but sincere smile tugs at his lips. Loving as ever, even if Kaz can't fight the way his stomach is doing somersaults. 「 ☆ 」

@not-bcring moved for new editor (X)

When Kazuichi had suggested they go out for drinks, Gundham had hardly thought anything of it. Why would he? It was a common mortal pastime to go out drinking at one bar or another on the weekends, and Kazuichi was known to enjoy more boisterous events from time to time, so the idea for them to head out as the night hour approached made perfect sense. What didn't make sense, however, is how much Kazuichi seemed to hate drinking, if how he grimaced at his shot as it went down was anything to go by. Sure, one could enjoy a drink and still have a moment of distaste at first, but this seemed...different. Like Kaz was forcing himself to keep it down.

Ordering a shot of cinnamon whiskey for himself, Gundham also grimaced as he downed his, but it soon turned into a welcome burn as the cinnamon warmed him from within. "I must admit, I figured you would order some horrible fruit flavored concoction that would rival your hair in vibrancy, not share my taste for liquid fire." Hm...now that he was saying it out loud, he had a feeling he knew what was going on...

"...Kazuichi, I have known you for quite some time now, have seen parts of you no one else has, and given the same of myself turn. You hold my entire heart in your hands, will you allow me to do the same with your own?" Where he was going with this wasn't entirely clear, but the love in his eyes was, idle fingers fiddling with his now empty shot glass atop the bar as he smiled softly at his boyfriend. "Do you trust me, my love?"

[not-bcring]

✩ 「 @the-ultimate-muses​ 」 ✩ - Continued from ★

「 ☆ 」 Strangely, Kazuichi’s fear only grew at the sight of Fuyuhiko. A learned blame gnawing at his gut, ripping him apart from the inside out like a rabid animal. Assisted by the echoing thoughts- no, certainties in his mind. Telling him that now he’s caused an issue for Fuyu. Confusing as it is that the Yakuza isn’t walking away from a fight he has no obligation to partake in. Dragged the other man into danger because of how pathetic he is. If any harm comes to Fuyuhiko, it’ll be harm that should have befallen HIM instead. Unable to sidestep guilt of ANY kind, Kaz’s wish that Fuyu hadn’t shown up— of course someone showed up, with how loudly he’d been crying; idiot —sends a fresh pang of chest-tightening disgust, Kazuichi silently admonishing himself for being so ungrateful.

None of this would be happening if he’d just shut up and accepted his punishment. Even if he didn’t know why… Honestly, it’s not like it matters. They all boil down to the same reason in the end. Him.

It’s a quick fight. Embarrassingly-quick for the aggressor. Honestly, Kazuichi doesn’t see most of it. Instinctively shutting his eyes at the first kick, he can’t bring himself to even attempt at opening them as the scene unfolds unseen. Flinching at each pained grunt and harmful impact, hands tug down his beanie in a white-knuckle grip as he ducks his head. Back slumps against the wall, using it to offer relief to his weak legs. At least it sounds like Fuyu is winning... heavily winning, if the aggressor's curses are any indication. What sounds like a body hitting the ground catches Kaz's attention— if the opponent is already there, that SHOULDN'T happen —eyes snapping open in time to see the larger man scrambling away.

Chest still heaving from labored breaths, panicked gaze snaps down to Fuyuhiko. The other man doesn't seem grievously injured... He's laughing anyway. Swallowing thickly, a weak smile hints Kaz's face, relief causing his entire body to shake as he fights to stay upright. Exhaustion pulling at his core now that the adrenaline is starting to fade into pure nausea, he pushes away from the wall to take a few unsteady steps forward. Relieved smile only lasting a second before a more natural grimace takes its place. Fuyu might not have gotten as roughed up as Kaz did, but it's clear he didn't leave the fight unscathed.

A fight he shouldn't have been in at all.

Hurrying over, stumbling in his haste, he helps Fuyuhiko up before he can think better of it. Touching the Ultimate Yakuza unprompted never ends well for anyone, but that tidbit is forgotten as surprisingly-careful hands guide the shorter man back onto his feet. Hands that linger even after the deed is done, hovering close-by as if afraid of Fuyu falling over. ❝ Yeah, but I sure as shit didn't help calm him down... ❞ Kaz mutters, being told that he really didn't do anything somehow sounding like a lie when it comes from someone else. If he wasn't such a sniveling coward, things never would have escalated. The least he can do is admit that.

Actually no, the least he can do is realize that— ❝ Shit! You're bleeding. ❞ Kaz yelps, a fresh wave of hot tears brimming in his eyes as he nervously wrings his hands, ❝ Oh FUCK. Dude. Shit, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean t— Shit. Okay, um. ❞ Calm down. Fucking calm down. Sucking in an unsteady breath, he then shakes his head for good measure, as if trying to forcibly eject the static threatening to take over. ❝ Here, lemme just- take care of that for you. As thanks for getting your ass beat on my behalf. Not that you got your ass beat... Just your head. ❞ Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Groaning and rolling his eyes, he gives his braid a frustrated tug. Wincing at the habit, Kaz averts his eyes and awkwardly adds, ❝ Don't worry, I'm a lot better at dealing with head wounds than I am at talking... ❞

He's had plenty of practice. 「 ☆ 」

[not-bcring]

Looming over his boyfriend in such a way that might be described as "casually menacing", trying his very best to fight a smile off his face, Gundham had one hand poised in his pocket as if ready to give something to his boyfriend, but what exactly remained to be seen. "Kazuichi...may I offer you my fastest dark deva in these trying times?" With a menacing pause after Kaz's name, now no longer able to fight his smile, the breeder pulled his hand from his pocket to reveal said deva, Cham-P looking to Kaz with every ounce of happiness he was capable of holding in his fuzzy little body.

-  ✩   「 @from-across-the-stars 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」    Today sucks. But the worst part is, it sucks in a way that feels stupid to be upset about. Kazuichi can’t pin it down to any big thing, as far as he knows. Never mind what is often nagging beneath the surface; anxiety and fears fueled by a mixture of trauma and genetics. Merely a bunch of little things that alone wouldn’t be cause for a breakdown. But together, one inconvenience after another on a day when his stomach is already feeling a bit iller than usual? It’s enough to make him feel like crying. Which is a gross over-exaggeration because, as he knows, there’s nothing to REALLY be upset about.

Doesn’t stop him from being upset though.

Unable to hide it even behind false, strained smiles and awkward excuses for why he felt like staying in the dorm instead of going out ( insisting that Gundham join their friends in his absence ) , he shouldn’t be surprised that Gundham could tell something was wrong. Yet he still is, wide eyes and messy hair meeting the breeder as Kaz sticks his head out of the pile of blankets he’d planned on spending the night hidden in.

Confused by Gundham’s demeanor, as well as him having come to the dorm instead of taking Kaz’s advice ( another thing that should have been obvious to the crestfallen mechanic ) , Kazuichi untangles himself from his blanket nest and sits upright on the bed. Quizzical and tad nervous gaze flits from Gundham’s face to his hidden hand, Kaz not realizing he was holding his breath until it’s released with a sputtered laugh at the reveal. Slightly shaky but still sincere, the sound is a welcome change of pace. Lacing his words as Kazuichi reaches out his hands to accept the offered Deva.

❝  Pfffft— Okay, there’s no way that’s true…  ❞  Kazuichi laughs, tears beading in the corner of his eyes as he feels the faint hold he had on himself starting to crumble. Unsure why, Kaz ignores the fogginess creeping into his gaze, hoping it’ll be blamed on his laughter and not the confusing tightness in his chest. A tightness that has started to wane since Gundham’s arrival. Looking at Cham-P, he gingerly pets the hamster and chuckles,  ❝  Are you really telling me this guy is the quickest one you’ve got?  ❞

It’s difficult to imagine the happy hamster moving fast at all, let alone the fastest.   「 ☆ 」

[not-bcring]

At first, Gundham had walked into Kazuichi's workshop like it was a normal day, attention more on the phone in his hand, busy scrolling through a series of restaurant reviews in an effort to figure out what they wanted for dinner that night. "Kazuichi, the small chef will not be leading the ritual of nourishment this eve, do you-"

Stopping quick as he looked up from his phone, Gundham was met with something that unfortunately still fit the criteria of normal when it came to his boyfriend. "What are you doing?" A stupid question really, he could see that Kaz was about to bind a wound with duct tape of all things he was simply too flabbergasted to even process such a thing. "Put that down!" Using the same tone one might scold a misbehaving puppy with, Gundham's phone was promptly shoved into his pocket as he rushed to the mechanic's side in a bit of a panic. "How did this happen? Why are you using tape?!" Leave it to Kazuichi to knock the "overlord" right out of him. //yeah i had to lmao

-  ✩   「 @from-across-the-stars​ 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」   Sometimes Gundham really has the shittiest timing… As soon as he heard his boyfriend’s voice, Kazuichi knew there was going to be an issue with his life-hack first-aid. The smart thing to do would be to drop the roll of duct tape. Unfortunately, he already had the end stuck to the back of his hand, the mechanic prepped to start wrapping it tautly around his injured palm as if it were gauze. Dropping the roll wouldn’t have hidden his intentions, the damning evidence bound to simply swing from his hand in a surprising show of strength. There’s a reason he uses this tape.

Besides, the thought never crosses Kaz’s mind anyway. No thoughts do, aside from an initial  ❛ Oh shit.  ❜  while he freezes like a kid caught with their hand in a cookie jar. As if keeping completely still would somehow hide him from Gundham’s keen sight. Obviously that doesn’t work, Kaz haphazardly letting go of the tape when commanded, entire body jolting with a start. Not out of fear but an expected unease annoyance at the no-doubt embarrassing troublesome conversation this was going to be. Whenever Gundham is frazzled, it’s bound to be a whole thing.

Especially when Kaz is involved.

Like Kazuichi predicted, the duct tape comically hangs off his hand, the mechanic growling irritably as he rips it off before dropping it to the ground with a bit more sass to the action than necessary. Rolling his eyes with the motion, heated cheeks betray his true shame at being caught.  ❝  Because I didn’t wanna get blood everywhere.  ��  He retorts with a huff, as if the answer is obvious. Irritably motioning at his wounded palm with his free hand, eyes are focused on it and the large cut slanted across it. Even his blood is easier to look at than Gundham right now.

❝  I was working when my hand barely slipped but I still got this stupid cut and of course it’s right on my fucking palm so holding tools is gonna be a literal pain—  ❞  He complains, not sure if he’s looking for sympathy or just needs to vent. Either way, he’s definitely avoiding the topic of tape.  ❝  —and I didn’t wanna bleed on anything so I figured I’d, y’know— … cover it up.  ❞  Shrugging as if he’s not pointedly looking to the side, cheeks aflame and voice cracking, he hastily adds,  ❝  Usually I’d put a rag or somethin’ over it but they’re all dirty right now, so that’d just be stupid.  ❞

Yeah. That’s the only thing that would be stupid.

❝  It’s really not a big deal, Gunnie. I do this kinda thing all the time.  ❞  He huffs, immediately deciding that probably wasn’t the best thing to admit. Fuck.  ❝  It works.  ❞  He adds, a bit more defensively than intended. Sure hurts like a son of a bitch to get off though… But at least duct tape lets him keep working instead of wasting time with a stupid cut. His dad taught him that trick.   「 ☆ 」

[not-bcring]

It was something Gundham never thought he would get to experience, waking up next to someone he could say he loved on a daily basis, so used to fleeting flings or simply waking up alone. He found that he liked sleep more when sharing it with another, the comfort of another person and soothing warmth that came from another body lulling him in ways he never thought possible. Waking up was still difficult, but now it stemmed from wanting to cuddle just a moment longer instead of trying to drag as much sleep as he could out of any given morning.

Gundham couldn't help but smile now as he eyed Kazuichi from across the room, the breeder just having pulled himself out of bed to sit at it's edge, still undressed with his hair mussed and face sporting a bit of scruff as he took in his equally disheveled boyfriend. Rising from the bed with first a stretch and a tried huff, Gundham followed Kazuichi as he made his way into the bathroom, pulling the hairbrush from his lover's hand as he placed a kiss to his crown. "Allow me to assist you, love. I fear this mess will never be tamed otherwise." A playful jab as careful fingers unwound the mechanic's small braid with his free hand, the digits then carding through the pink locks to lessen the snarls for the brush. "Did you sleep well?" //wait i thought of something cute too,,,,,,,

-  ✩   「 @from-across-the-stars 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」   Kazuichi didn’t ever think he’d enjoy waking up—

Internally wincing at how unintentionally-morbid that observation sounds, he tries again. He didn’t think waking up would be… something to look forward to. Better, but still pretty weird if he dwells on the wording. If only because opening his eyes means being greeted with the sight of Gundham beside him. Sometimes that isn’t the case, whenever the breeder’s work demands him to rise earlier. But Kaz still sees the indent of where Gundham USED to be. Sees himself surrounded by his boyfriend’s possessions. His scent lingering on the shirt Kaz stole to wear to bed. Even when Gundham isn’t there, he’s still there…

It’s comforting. 

Stretching with a whine, Kaz feels his back pop in a way that both offers relief and startles him. Yelping despite not being injured, nerves quickly settle with a soft exhale and a hand rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Hardly a graceful riser, Kazuichi’s demeanor has notably grown sluggish since sharing Gundham’s bed. Normally one to rush about in the morning, as if expecting to be punished for being late to the act of simply EXISTING, that habit had been broken thanks to his reluctance to leave Gundham’s arms. True, there’s still plenty to do in the day. And that feeling of wasting time does occasionally rear it’s ugly head… but if laying about is wasteful, there’s no one else he’d rather waste that time with.

Going to the bathroom on autopilot, he doesn’t even notice Gundham is behind him until the hairbrush is taken from his hand. Blinking back his surprise, he emits a soft laugh at the kiss to his head, the mechanic in a more-relaxed state than anyone has witnessed from him. Or anyone else ever will.  ❝  Hey— what you call a mess, I call style…  ❞  He playfully retorts, offering no resistance as Gundham’s fingers card through his tangled hair. Leaning INTO the touch for a moment before letting Gundham go back to tending to his knots, eyes shut with a pleased hum, Kaz still trying to talk shit through the contented sound,  ❝  I could walk outta this room right now and be good to go…  ❞  Says the man who always hides his ‘ stylish ’ hair underneath a beanie.

Looking at Gundham in the mirror, cheeks flush with pink at the domestic sight reflected. His boyfriend brushing his hair, both of them still draped in the cozy dishevel of sleep. Smiling far more dorkily than he’d like, Kaz doesn’t even notice his lovestruck expression, too focused on the other man.  ❝  … Huh?  ❞  Missing the question at first, color in his face grows, Kaz hastily answering through an embarrassed laugh,  ❝  O-Oh, yeah— Heh, I slept pretty good.  ❞  Slept pretty damn great.

❝  Could have had a few more hours though.  ❞  He adds, stifling another yawn before flashing a playful grin at Gundham,  ❝ You don’t exactly make it easy to get outta bed, y’know.  ❞     「 ☆ 」

[not-bcring]

Breaking the silence that had been blanketing the room for quite some time now, Gundham sat up where he had been reclined on their bed, having been typing away on his blog since he sat down a few hours earlier. Whatever he had to say must have been important to pause his work...right?

"Kazuichi? Have you ever heard of 'updog'?" //i saw the comic and i Had To

-  ✩   「   @from-across-the-stars​​   」   ✩

「 ☆ 」   Kazuichi had been tinkering away on a rather large engine— which been HELL to drag it into their room —sitting on the floor, tools scattered in an array of organized chaos. The silence was oddly comfortable, as most things are with Gundham. Disturbed only by the noise of Kaz’s tools or the breeder’s typing... as well as an occasional muttered curse when Kazuichi’s hands slipped, new bruises bound to join the ones already decorating the mechanic.

Surprised by Gundham's steady typing abruptly cutting off into nothing, the shifting in the bed breaking the pattern of noise that had taken hold of the air, Kaz looks in the others direction. While most would be skeptical of this claim, if the question had happened during a time when Kaz hadn’t been deep in the clutches of work, mind slipped into a comfortable haze and body moving mainly on its own, then he wouldn’t have fallen so easily for such a ploy. Unfortunately for him, he speaks before his brain has a chance to fully awaken. Instinctively wanting to respond to Gundham’s question, he foolishly asks,  ❝  What’s updog?  ❞

...

No.

Oh no.

Oh God please NO.  

❝  Don’t say it! Don’t you fucking SAY IT!  ❞     「 ☆ 」 

[not-bcring]

🥃// for kaz, gun will do one with him owo

-  ✩   「 @from-across-the-stars 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」   Kazuichi has drank before. Probably more than he should and definitely starting younger than he should have been… but he still could never get the hang of it. Apparently, practice does not make perfect sometimes. From what he’s heard and seen, it’s supposed to be enjoyable. Yeah, there are downsides to it. Like the massive fucking hangovers that make Kaz feel as if someone’s taken a wrench to his skull. But before the inevitable shittiness, he’s supposed to have FUN.

Emphasis on ‘ supposed to ’.

Taking hold of the shot he’d ordered on reflex, Kazuichi’s stomach already twists in anticipation of the horrid taste and sensation. He can’t stand these fucking things… Who had the grand idea to make something that HURTS to drink? Thankfully the pain usually numbs once he’s gotten a few more in him. He’s found a tried-and-true method of surviving going out for a drink. Slam down as many as he can, power through how overly-emotional ( even by HIS standards ) and stupid he gets when plastered, and trust in the blackout that will come soon enough. As uncomfortable as Kaz is with the idea of not remembering large chunks of the evening, it’s still preferable to being aware when he’s getting shit from others…

Although, he doesn’t have to worry about that this time, huh? Gundham isn’t the type to ridicule him for what a mess he becomes when drunk. Or to dare him to do dumb or dangerous things when he’s teetering on the edge between impulsive and unintentionally-suicidal. There’s probably no need to drown himself in drinks just to make it through the night without wanting to crawl into a hole and cry himself to sleep. Or at least, without having to remember that feeling. Kaz doesn’t doubt that every drinking binge he’s been a part of had its rock-bottom moments. That’s just a part of it. Just as integral as the liquid in his glass. Deceptively-small for the punch it’s going to pack, Kaz tenses as he looks at it with distaste.

Fuck it. Might as well get started… Whether he’s going to throw up tomorrow morning or not, he still needs to stomach at least a few of these to keep from seeming like a loser.

Downing the shot in a practiced motion, body stiffens as soon as the taste hits his tongue and is forced down his throat. Muscles tensed as he swallows it with a barely-contained grimace, shot glass is hastily slammed down on the surface in front of him in a mimicry of what he’s witnessed from others. Throat burning from what he requested, Kaz coughs into his fist, knowing the discomfort is something he’ll have to deal with until he’s gotten used to the stinging again. How long has it been since he’s gone out for a STRONG drink? Honestly, he hasn’t dealt with this since being accepted into Hope’s Peak and distancing himself from his former so-called-friends. Not that they even tried to keep in touch.

His dad’s stash doesn’t have quite as potent of a burn— and Kaz is careful not to overdue it around him anyway —so it’s been a while since Kazuichi has coughed like this. Whatever. He got it down and kept it down. Which is a victory in itself with how mercilessly his stomach has been churning since it was first suggested that they go out for a drink. Internally chastising himself for being such a bitch— it’s just a bit of alcohol… with Gundham; how bad could a drunk Gundham possibly be? —Kaz runs a hand through his hair, ignoring how uneasily his drink has settled in his gut, and asks Gundham with a glance that he hopes doesn’t look as uneasy as he feels,  ❝  You ready for another one?  ❞     「 ☆ 」

[not-bcring]

from-across-the-stars​:

@not-bcring cont. from (X)

Gundham was back on edge the instant he heard footsteps approaching him, feeling momentarily dizzy from the resurgences of adrenaline that had yet to fully dissipate. Upon seeing it was Kazuichi, he only relaxed somewhat, brain still on edge from the previous attack. “What do you want, fool. Come to finish me off in my weakened state?” He was too tried to truly work up a banter, his throbbing head and straining ribs a very insistent reminder of this. 

He’s surprised when the mechanic offers his words of concern, it flashing across his face clear as day in the form of wide eyes before he was able to stop it. He…isn’t sure how to respond. Luckily, the other’s next sentence is an easier one to muster a response to, falling back into their old rhythm of antagonism. “…Yes, it was. How fortunate you were able to avoid such a thing, but still show up to the scene so quickly in the wake of the aftermath…” He doesn’t actually have proof for his accusation, but he makes it all the same, not sure what else to do.

At the tactless mention of his appearance though, Gundham couldn’t help but laugh, a choked thing that ends up more a snort with the pain in his ribs, but a laugh none the less. “What an astute observation, sharp toothed one. I surely could not have come to such a conclusion myself.” His words may sound harsh, but there’s a smile now, though a small thing now marred by the cut on his lip. He couldn’t help it, it was all just so ridiculous. 

Though it seemed Kazuichi wasn’t done with his surprises, offering to help someone he had deemed his rival so many times before. Gundham almost wanted to say no, to feign a higher level of wellbeing and be one his way, but he really doesn’t have any reason to do that beyond his own pride. With how badly his body hurt, perhaps a helping had wouldn’t be so bad, even if it was from someone who seemed insistent on hating him…

“If…that is a service you are willing to lend, then I am in no position to decline…” He said with a slight bow of his head in thanks, taking just a moment to hesitate before beginning to walk in the direction of the dorms. It was something that became increasingly more difficult the more steps he took, the slow fading adrenaline no longer hiding just how badly everything hurt. He couldn’t help but wonder if Kazuichi could hear him wheezing with each breath, ribs no doubt bruised along with his battered knuckled and face. 

「 ☆ 」   As soon as Gundham opens his mouth, Kazuichi considers taking backing everything. Wishes that he COULD. If someone appeared in front of him, offered the chance to turn back time and prevent him from showing himself to the battered and kinda bitchy man in front of him, he’d do it in a heartbeat... Okay, no. He wouldn’t. But it’d be tempting as Hell for a few minutes. It’s hard to want to help someone who wastes no chance to call him a fool... or call him out on his cowardice with a thinly-veiled statement. Uncomfortably shifting in place, he rubs the back of his neck and averts his gaze, not sure how to respond so— deciding not to.

It’s not like it matters anyway... He’s offering help NOW. Even if part of Kazuichi is certain he’ll hate himself for it later. But not nearly as much as he’d hate himself for NOT doing it, so— looks like he’s screwed either way. Awesome. Just what he’d expect from getting mixed up with Gundham Tanaka. Still, the sourness of the situation is slightly helped by the sound of Gundham’s laugh; Kazuichi looking over— confusedly blinking for a moment, warily narrowing his eyes as if wondering if he should be offended at being the butt of the joke —before he relaxes and offers a small sputter himself, shoulders shaking and hands readjusting his beanie as he marvels at how STRANGE this all is. Who’d have thunk he’d be standing out here, late as fuck at night, with his sworn enemy beaten to Hell.... and be offering to help him.

Fuck... People weren’t kidding when they said strange things happened at Hope’s Peak.

With his temporary truce accepted, Kaz awkwardly fidgets in place for a bit as Gundham begins his labored trek— needing a moment to mentally prepare for whatever uncomfortable Hell he’s gotten himself into —before he quickly catches up with his peer. Falling into pace beside Gundham, he can’t help but notice the others weakened state even more now that he’s beside him. His breathing sounds wretched, Kazuichi marveling at how Gundham is still capable of walking. Let alone walking without complaining. If the roles were reversed, Kazuichi is sure he’d be whining the entire way. Probably asking for someone to carry him. Or at least let him lean on their shoul—

Quickly averting his gaze, clammy hands shoved in his pockets and shoulders tense, Kazuichi wracks his brain for something to fill the stifling air between them. Something aside from Gundham’s breathing. ❝ That, uh— That was pretty impressive… Taking on three guys at once. ❞ He lamely begins, realizing too late that he hadn’t been around to witness the fight. Or so he claimed. Waving his hands in front of himself as if to say ‘wait, wait- hold on a second!’ he hastily adds, ❝ I saw some guys running past before I found you! So I just, y’know— put two and two together and figured…. ❞ Trailing off, he rubs the back of his neck and looks to the side again, briefly glancing at Gundham through the corner of his eye, ❝ Anyway…. Yeah. You’re a really tough guy. ❞

❝ I mean— you look kinda scary. So I guess that makes sense, but… I dunno, sometimes guys aren’t as tough as they look. ❞ Shrugging and pointedly looking away again, Kazuichi finds himself wishing that he’d said anything else. It’s just… weird. Talking about stuff like that. Mentioning it around another guy; around Gundham. It’s not a line of conversation he’s eager to go down… yet it’s still better than what happens next.

Possessed by some strange force— maybe Gundham’s touch put a curse on him, or maybe it’s just hearing that damn wheezing —Kazuichi looks over at Gundham and abruptly asks, weakly motioning at his battered body, ❝ Hey, you wanna borrow my shoulder or something? ❞ Well that’s the weirdest way he could have worded it. Aside from maybe ‘wanna put your weight onto me and see if I can handle it?’ but Kaz doesn’t even want to give that one the courtesy of a second thought. ❝ You seem like you’re having some trouble… And look- I definitely understand not wanting to be seen having to lean on someone for support but- there’s no one else around, so….. ❞

Kazuichi might not be ‘beat three guys at once’ levels of strong… but he’s strong enough to support a classmate.

Even if he hates the guy’s guts. 「 ☆ 」

[not-bcring]

Starter For  -  ✩   「   @from-across-the-stars​​​   」   ✩

「 ☆ 」   Kazuichi can’t recall the specifics that led to this argument... only that it is EXACTLY what he wanted. To get Gundham riled up to the point of fighting— verbally, of course —purely for the sake of fighting. Of childish and sometimes incomprehensible insults hurled at one another, reminiscent of when they used to be metaphorically at each other’s throats all of the time, only somehow even more potent. Which is saying something.

Because Kazuichi had been doing everything in his power to be a completely infuriating BITCH, for no reason other than to get the biggest, loudest, longest reaction he could. He can only imagine how confused Gundham had been, might still be, at his reluctantly-gained compatriot seemingly waking up on the wrong side of the bed— like one in the depths of Hell, surrounded by fire and covered with red ants —and deciding to fervently express it by repeatedly snapping, with growing enthusiasm, at the Breeder. But it’s what NEEDS to be done.

It’s the only way to prove Hajime wrong. Stupid, stupid, STUPID Hajime, who had insisted— in a way that didn’t seem like he was joking —that Kazuichi would rather be sucking on Gundham’s face instead of yelling at it. Like he actually wants to tangle tongues (and other body parts, but Kazuichi had quickly left the conversation before Hajime could put any more ridiculous notions into his head) with his friend. His friend. His rival turned FRIEND.

A friend that Kazuichi is currently insulting haphazardly, barely even aware of what asinine things are tumbling from his mouth aside from making sure they aren’t TOO hurtful. It’s not like he wants to lose GUndham, after all. Just prove that he doesn’t have the Hots for him. That, even if things are different now, they aren’t that different...  

❛  Oh yeah?~ ❜  He can practically hear Hajime chastising him in his mind, all cheeky smile and twinkling eyes and an air of superiority as if Kazuichi hasn’t caught him staring off in Nagito’s direction more than a few times...  ❛  Is that why you wanna— ❜  

❝  YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID!!!  ❞  

... Blinking dumbly, Kazuichi’s body goes completely still. Heart following suit, his buzzing mind can only make out two coherent thoughts. One: He is going to die. Right now. Right here... and Two: If, by some miracle, he doesn’t perish in a fiery burst of shame—

He is going to kill Hajime Hinata... or at least, try to beat his ass.

And probably lose the ensuing fight.   「 ☆ 」 

[not-bcring]

Nothing was really out of the ordinary when Kazuichi would walk into the classroom; Hiyoko was bullying Mikan, Akane was doing pushups with Ibuki seated on her back while her and Nekomaru cheered, Sonia was nose deep in her latest novel, and Gundham was feeding seeds to his Devas, the breeder watching his beloved pets with a small smile as he reached a hand into his-

No, not his, Kazuichi's sweatshirt, his usual coat thrown over it in an effort to protect himself from the cold that they all suddenly found themselves in. It was deceptive, being black in color in all but the print, but it was undeniably the mechanic's with the garish coloration of the design across the torso.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Gundham perked up when he caught Kazuichi from the corner of his eye, a smile coming over his face that very few would have the privilege of being on the receiving end of. "Ah, there you are." It's said warmly as the phone was put back into his pocket, the breeder clearly having been about to text his boyfriend. "I apologize for leaving before you were to awake, there were beasts in need of my care that could not have waited until later."

One couldn't help but wonder if Kazuichi found it odd how easily Gundham slipped into the role of boyfriend, though one could argue they had been dating long before the official title. Pet names and smiles came more readily now, even under the watch of others, and though a bit embarrassed by public displays of affection, Gundham was always willing to hold Kaz's hand, or give a kiss in passing. Those acts were fleeting though, a blink and they were gone, yet here the breeder was in Kazuichi's clothes for all to see. "Did you sleep well, love?"

-  ✩   「 @from-across-the-stars 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」   Ever since admitting his shame to Fuyuhiko, he hasn’t been able to get it out of his mind. What was once a hidden fear now screaming loudly, drowning Kazuichi in a cacophony of guilt that had kept him up late into the night. Nestled against his boyfriend, secure in Gundham’s embrace yet mind still racing behind shut eyelids and deceptively-even breathing. Lamenting the loss of his ignorance, Kaz wonders for the millionth time why his emotions must be so messy. Why can’t he ever understand without realization having to smash into him like a hammer? Shattering his skull with a splitting headache, stress making Kaz down a couple aspirin that morning to try and counteract the throbbing in his temple.

Exhausted, he had stumbled his way to class, rubbing his face and emitting a heavy sigh before opening the door. Back straightening with a silent prayer to hide his bedraggled state, Kaz had only hoped to get through the day without any surprises. A boring, mind-numbingly-so, class would be a gift of good fortune he knows he doesn’t deserve. But every fiber in his being hoped for such anyway. If only to make up for the Hell that awaited him afterward as he navigates what to do about his reservations. Gundham is going to hate him for it. Kaz just knows it.

❛  Fuck… ❜  Is all he can think, the curse summing up his feelings rather eloquently. Gaze downcast in thought and steps hurried, Kaz doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary until Gundham’s voice cuts through his whirlwind of thoughts. Oddly, considering the breeder is the source of his panic, it sends a burst of warmth throughout Kazuichi’s chest. A slow, soothing spread of comfort, raising Kaz’s eyes with an eagerness to see Gundham’s face. To see that smile Kaz has grown dependent on, never failing to make him marvel at how he used to be afraid of the man capable of it. Returned smile is small but sincere, the gratitude behind Kazuichi’s eyes more damning than anything the breeder could do.

Unfortunately, Kaz is unaware of how telling his own expressions have never failed to be. Gaze flitting down to Gundham’s hand when it returns the phone, what his boyfriend is wearing suddenly strikes Kazuichi like a punch to the gut. Stiffening with a sharp intake of breath, Kaz nearly misses Gundham’s apology.  ❝  O-Oh! It’s no problem! I uh— I didn’t mind.  ❞  He hastily replies, fumbling to sit down at the desk beside Gundham’s. Nearly knocking over the chair, frazzled demeanor only grows worse as he scrambles to catch it with a choked-back yelp. Quickly sitting down, Kaz sets his backpack upon the desk with a thud that’s far louder than he wishes it was, knowing that he’s likely drawing far more attention to himself than anything Gundham had done. But he can’t help it, panic taking hold and making movements clumsy.

❛  Way to go dumbass… ❜  Rummaging through his bag in a bluff to make it seem like he’s busy and doesn’t feel eyes boring into him from all directions— ones that may exist only in his mind, Kaz too frightened to risk looking at what his classmates are doing —stomach sinks at the small lie he had told. He hadn’t minded, of course! Gundham’s animals are important and there’s no rule that they have to wake up together. No, what settles heavily in Kazuichi’s stomach is the brief bout of confusion that had hit when he first opened his eyes. Reaching out and feeling nothing beside him had been… strange. He’s no longer accustomed to waking up alone. To falling asleep alone. Gundham lying beside him has become his new normal. That shouldn’t be a scary thought. Yet Kaz can’t help but wonder how much it would hurt if he had to get used to waking up alone again.

Which is a terrifying thought.

Being alone… is terrifying again.

As is how effortlessly Gundham calls him love at the risk of everyone hearing, Kazuichi’s face burning with an intensity that nearly makes him dizzy. He wants to hug Gundham. How is Gundham so comfortable with this? He wants to kiss Gundham. With letting people know that he’s dating someone like Kazuichi? Why can’t he just go to Gundham? Isn’t he ashamed? Isn’t he worried about— No. He’s not. Gundham loves him. He loves him. He loves him, he loves him, he loves him. Breath quickening against Kaz’s will, he can’t bring himself to look at Gundham. Can’t bring himself to look at anything but the dark abyss of his backpack. Thoughts are too loud. It hurts too much to breathe. To exist. It’s loud and confusing and frightening and it’s HIS fault. He’s getting worked up, like he always does. He just needs to calm down. 

Just calm the fuck down.

Stop being a bitch and get a grip.

❝  Y-Yeah, I slept alright…  ❞  Voice cracks but it’s the best Kaz can do, shoulders hunching as he slumps forward in his seat, as if trying to disappear from sight. Fuck his hands are trembling. Abruptly shoving them into his backpack, as if that’s less conspicuous than their clear tremor, Kaz clears his throat and awkwardly adds,  ❝  I’m just- feelin’ a little off today. It’s not really a big deal… Probably something stupid like a cold or whatever.  ❞  Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Grimacing at his failure to act composed, or even just partially alright, Kazuichi wonders what the chances are of Gundham letting his strange behavior go unchallenged… Maybe if Kaz is lucky, the earth will split open under his desk and he’ll fall into a bottomless pit. Far stranger things have happened… After all, Kaz does have a boyfriend. For now.   「 ☆ 」

[not-bcring]

「 ☆ 」 It takes a few breaths for Bill's words to break through. Shuddering, sobbing, shame-filled breaths that shake Kazuichi to his core. Choking on his own apologies, lathered with terrified tears and the certainty he's screwed up the best friendship he's ever managed to cultivate. With BILL, of all people. Not that it honestly ever crossed Kaz's mind how strange that is. He's been told to stop apologizing before. Not that it does much good, Kazuichi often digging in even harder in a misguided panic.

A real man doesn't apologize, after all. A sentiment that leaves Kaz lost when it comes to what he's supposed to DO to make amends whenever he messes up. Maybe he just can't. Maybe that's the lesson he's repeatedly failed to learn. That the best thing he can do is simply steel himself and take whatever comes to him. No sorries... No sobbing... Nothing but submission and the hope it'll eventually end. But that doesn't feel like something a ❛ man ❜ is meant to do either.

What do people want from him? To fight back? Would that FINALLY make everyone happy? ... No. No, that doesn't work either. It only ever makes others angrier. Then what the FUCK is he meant to do? Answers don't come this time either, Bill instead hitting him with something far more confusing... Reassurance.

Chest stutters and struggles, but attempts to steady its breathing. Wide eyes open to aim a bewildered, glossy gaze upon the other male; trembling hands lifting the edge of his beanie so it isn't obstructed. Akin to a haggard animal who had been certain a predator was about to sink its fangs in, only to be met with a far more unsettling mercy... He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to do. So he settles for doing the unthinkable— He listens to what Bill says. Flinching with a sucked in breath through gritted teeth, eyes squeezing shut and body tensing... before he slowly, warily relaxes when the hand touches his shoulder.

With a drawn-out exhale, pink hues flow from Bill's hand to his face. Throat bobs in a thick swallow, Kaz having quieted. Unsure how much of it is a result of shock. Mouth tastes bitter, dry throat not aiding in his attempt to speak without a cracking voice. He fails. ❝ I... I— ... ❞ Another swallow, eyes lowering with a wince at how his voice barely manages to come. ❝ ... I wanna get out of here. I really don't want anyone else to see me like this. ❞ He doesn't know where he's asking to go. His dorm... Bill's... The nearest trash can so he can throw himself into it. ANY would work.

Wiping at his face, cheeks stained and eyes red-rimmed, he buries his face in his hands with a groan. He can already feel his eyes watering again. Words muffled as he adds, ❝ I just— Fuck, dude... I hate today. I— I really.... re-eally hate today.... ❞ 「 ☆ 」

Fucking hell. Bill had expected Kaz to react in a way that’s less than desirable, but this is a lot. At first, he just stares, watching Kazuichi break down with no clue how to respond. Then he realizes he has to do something if he doesn’t want it to get worse— and he definitely doesn’t want it to get worse.

“Stop apologizing, dipshit. Nobody’s mad.”

Annoyed, yeah, and uncomfortable, but not mad. Bill knows Kaz well enough to know he shouldn’t say that second part out loud.

“You’re fine. You hear me? I don’t know what all this is about, but you’re fine.”

It’s less dismissive than it would be were Kazuichi anyone else, but still not too vulnerable. A nagging little inkling in the back of Bill’s head says Kazuichi might really need vulnerable right now, but he’s not ready to offer it yet. The closest he’s comfortable getting is glancing around to make sure they’re alone and then putting a hand on Kaz’ shoulder.

“What’s your damage, man? Do you… shit, alright, do you need anything?”

Just to make him calm down, of course. Not because Bill cares.

[not-bcring]

"Kazuichi, could you be a dear and tell me what one does with a masterpiece?" Gundham is smug as he asks. He's up to something...

-   ✩    「    @from-across-the-stars​    」    ✩

「 ☆ 」   Kazuichi doesn’t trust that tone... 

And when he turns around to face Gundham, he doesn’t trust the LOOK he sees either. Gundham is up to something. He is definitely up to something. Which is a double-edged sword when it comes to the breeder. Eyes narrowing as he studies the other, Kazuichi’s mind races to figure out what the right answer is.

Scrambling to decipher what he’s stumbled into— not even stumbled, Gundham just threw him into this random scenario —Kazuichi hasn’t even answered yet and he’s sure he’s given the wrong one.  ❝  You... look at it? Appreciate it? ❞  That’s what masterpieces are FOR, right? For people to be impressed and admire.

Hands motioning around as he grows frazzled over answering a simple, if unexpected, question, Kazuichi barks out impatiently,  ❝  Fuck, I dunno— Why the Hell do you need to know so badly, huh? ❞     「 ☆ 」 

[not-bcring]

❛   i’m supposed to be the one who protects you from monsters. i’m not supposed to be one.  ❜  //g,,,,,gunnie and kaz-

-  ✩   「 @from-across-the-stars​ 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」   Kazuichi had known that ignoring his dad would come back to bite him on the ass sooner or later. What he hadn’t planned on was it being more SOONER than later, the infuriated man storming into Hope’s Peak garage with enough entitlement that one would assume it was his place of business. Fuck, how long has it been since Kaz visited his dad at the garage like he was supposed to? Kaz had dropped off the face of the earth immediately after that- reunion with Gundham, retreating into the new relationship and the false ‘ safety ’ of Hope’s Peak. True, he’d known that his dad could come here if he wanted to, but he hadn’t let himself linger too long on that possibility. Reassuring himself that he WAS going to get in touch.

Eventually.

He just needed time to figure some shit out... like how he was going to ease the conversation into the fact that he was kinda possibly maybe totally a little bit all the way gay. Or that he had a boyfriend now. Days had turned into weeks, in all that time Kazuichi unable to figure out how to even breach the subject. Seeing his dad burst through the workshop doors had negated any ability to think AT ALL. His father’s overbearing energy had immediately made Kaz stiffen where he stood, feeling as if his shoes were cemented to the ground, unable to move away no matter how much he may have wanted to. Forced to stand there as he tried to remember how to breathe, chest heaving with panicked motions as his heart hammered in his ears. 

Trembling like a frightened child— not that Kazuichi has ever been anything but that around his dad —tears had beaded in his eyes as soon as he took note of his father’s clenched fists. Knowing what that meant, knowing that ANYTHING he said or did would only speed up the process, only make it worse to bear... Yet, like an idiot, he had opened his mouth anyway. He had tried, as if that had ever worked in his favor before. Kazuichi doesn’t recall everything that happened, panic making moments blur. At some point during his haphazard explanation for why he was ignoring his father’s attempts to reach out, Kaz had blurted out.  ❝  I’M GAY, DAD!  ❞   Messily and WAY too loudly, with deafening silence following... until it was shattered by a low, terrifying  ‘ What did you just say? ’ 

 ❝  I.. I said— I... I’m... I’m- gay, dad....  ❞

… ✩ … ✩ … ✩ … ✩ … ✩ … ✩ … ✩ … ✩ … ✩ … ✩ …

Shaking... Kaz can’t recall a time when he shook this badly. Barely able to stand, but refusing to fall to his knees, hands sting from shoving Gundham. An unnatural motion, ripping himself away from Gundham’s concerned hold. Bruised hands had taken Kazuichi’s face so gingerly, as they’ve done countless times, Gundham gazing at him with such blatant CONCERN. Kaz had only stared at him for a moment, glossy gaze full of indecision— a struggle ripping him apart from the inside, chest writhing with agonizing beats of his rapid heart —before uncertainty had reverted to anger. Overwhelming and so much easier to handle than shame that burned within his bruised cheeks, streaked with tears and blood— his own, his boyfriend’s, and his father’s, Gundham’s hands having left their mark after Kaz tore them from his face.

This is Kaz’s fault. ALL of it. He upset his dad and caused him to feel the need to punish him— Kaz can still feel it against his skin, his father’s boots having left impressions upon his ribcage, hands having marred his face and left marks upon his arms, already changing colors from the force of his father’s grip. He had caused his dad to come in the first place by distancing himself with no explanation. Something he wouldn’t have had to DO if he hadn’t confessed to Gundham. If he hadn’t gained these stupid, wonderful, relentless feelings for the other man. If he wasn’t GAY none of this would have happened. If he wasn’t HIM. If Kaz was just— If... FUCK. Fuck, fuck, fuck FUCK— He screwed everything up.

But Gundham— GUNDHAM had made it worse. 

Yeah. He had made it so much worse. Now what is Kazuichi supposed to do? How is he supposed to make things OKAY?   ❝  THAT WASN’T A MONSTER! THAT WAS MY FUCKING DAD!  ❞  Kazuichi retorts, throat already hoarse from having begged for his dad to not hurt him earlier.... and then from having cried for his dad to stop when the reprimanding began. He doesn’t know how long he’d been tossed around, only that he’d hadn’t been on the ground for nearly as long as usual before the hits had stopped. Back aching from being shoved against his tool-bench at the start, Kazuichi had been quickly thrown onto the concrete afterward. Kaz hadn’t even known someone else had arrived until he’d opened his bleary gaze, spitting out blood from his split lip as he groggily raised his head to look in the direction of new noise.

It’s hard to guess how long the fight had lasted... but Kaz feels confident in saying that it was one of the worst ones he’s seen so far. Clenching his fists, he takes a step towards Gundham, fighting back the nausea from how battered the other man got in HIS defense. Not that Kaz’s dad got away without looking like he’d been attacked by a pack of rabid wolves. God, Kaz hopes he’s going to be okay. It’s not like they can afford hospital trips.  Harshly wiping at his tears, it doesn’t do any good.

Kaz can’t stop crying. He can’t stop shouting... FUCK, he can’t stop FEELING.

His dad thinks he’s pathetic. Even more than he might have if Gundham hadn’t stepped in. He IS pathetic. God, Gundham saw just how weak he is. His father’s retreating words still ring in Kazuichi’s mind, echoing so loudly that he’s surprised his ears don’t bleed. ‘ It’s bad enough you’re fuckin’ gay, but you’re not even the MAN in the relationship! ’  It’s true though, isn’t it? Gundham came in and assumed he had to save him, like he ALWAYS does.

Worthless. He really is fucking WORTHLESS... Just like his dad says. Gundham stepped in and did what he always does, and instead of being grateful and fucking NICE and tending to Gundham’s wounds like the other man clearly wanted to tend to his, Kaz can’t stop himself from lashing out at him. But it’s so much easier. It makes so much more sense. Because this isn’t how things are supposed to go. He doesn’t get saved. Not from his dad. Because there’s NOTHING to save him from. There can’t be. There isn’t.

That was his dad. Not a monster... and not a demon.

❝  You can’t just fucking beat the shit outta my DAD!  ❞     「 ☆ 」 

[not-bcring]

✩     「   @from-across-the-stars​    」    ✩   -  Continued from ★

「 ☆ 」   Kazuichi had done his best... He had tried to get to his dad’s workshop in time. He had tried to stay FOCUSED. It shouldn’t have been that hard. All he had to do was race out of the dorms, out of the school, to the bus stop, ride it and pray no disasters delayed the route, then sprint into the garage where his dad was waiting for him to assist with the backed-up orders. Having fallen on hard times, as if times had ever really been anything but, they couldn’t afford to hire any extra help. So, it’s up to Kazuichi to pick up the slack.

It honestly wasn’t anything out of the ordinary... aside from kissing Gundham’s cheek.

That alone had sent Kazuichi down a spiral that only grew the further away he got. Wondering what Gundham must have been thinking, what he must be saying to... probably Sonia or whatever— those two are pretty close friends; a fact that used to make Kaz’s stomach sick with apprehension, but now makes it twist in an oddly-different way. God, he really screwed things up. Massively, majorly, momentously FUCKED things up between them. Their friendship can’t afford any strain after the disaster that was Kazuichi’s first guy-guy kiss.

First guy-guy kiss? It’s not like there’s going to be another... Right? Right.

Stomach twists at the memory of Gundham’s mouth against his own, tongue flitting across bruised lips, wincing as the action reminds Kaz of the strike he’d taken to the jaw a few hours earlier. That’s what he gets for arriving late, he supposes. Mind swimming, he had missed his bus stop... and didn’t realize it until a few stops later. Grumbling under his breath as Kazuichi slowly makes his way down the hallway towards his dorm room, he lightly presses his fingers against his cheek and winces. Yep. Still tender... Still throbbing with the memory of his dad’s large hand slamming across it. Again, well-deserved. Shouldn’t have tried to make excuses. 

Sighing, he drags his beanie further down and tries to ignore the aching of his arms. Bruises blossom beneath his sleeves from where he’d been grabbed, back and sides groaning in tandem from having been thrown against the wall and ground. Not for arriving late— his dad had worked out all that anger pretty quickly with a few well-aimed smacks across the head —but for what happened afterward. Mistakes from being distracted, suggestions that were none of his business, backtalk that he should have outgrown when he was a kid... Little things that piled upon one another, punishments littered across the time spent as they worked. Adding and adding until Kazuichi was in the state he is now. Bruised, bloody and wanting nothing more than to collapse his exhausted form onto his bed. Maybe down some pills to help with the pain, then he can patch himself up when he wakes up...

❝  At least that’s done with...  ❞  He mumbles, reaching into his pocket to try and find his dorm key. Grimacing at the partial-lie, already dreading having to return in a few days to continue the work, his searching becomes more frantic as the seconds tick by. Eyes widening, he whimpers a weak  ❝  Aw, c’mon...  ❞  when it becomes obvious he doesn’t have his key.  ❝  FUCK.  ❞  Kaz growls, slamming a fist against his door, hissing as his bruised knuckles hit the wood. He doesn’t have his key... He has the spare key Gundham gave him to HIS dorm room. 

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, FUCK... Another fist hits against his door. Then again. Again, and again and again— Kaz doesn’t know how long he pummels his own door, breathless curses hissed past clenched teeth, before he SLAMS his palms flat against the wood. Resting his forehead against it with a thump, he breathes a shaky exhale and closes his eyes. Trembling as he stands before his locked room, stomach ill as he wonders what to do now... He could take the door off its hinges, but the proper tools were left in his workshop. Legs feel like jelly, Kaz using all his will to keep from falling to his knees. He could sneak into Gundham’s room, PRAY the breeder isn’t around, and try to find his key... That is, if it’s even still there. Fuck.

❝  Goddamnit...  ❞  He whimpers in a cracked voice, eyes shut and tears beading in the edges. Knuckles split open and bleeding, Kaz weakly hits a closed fist against the door one more time, as if that’ll magically open it...  ❝  Goddamnit.  ❞     「 ☆ 」 

[not-bcring]

「 ☆ 」 Kazuichi knows that it won't help... Not really. It never does anything but offer temporary relief, followed by even greater desperation when the jitters once again claw at him. Shredding Kazuichi from the inside as SOMETHING feels like it's trying to get out. Not that he blames whatever anxious force is trying to escape. If he had the option, he'd tear himself to shreds just to get away too... In a way, he does. Just not in such a graphic manner. His PRIDE certainly hasn't survived the inner thrashing, Kazuichi literally on his knees begging for the lie of relief.

No wonder Fuyu can't fucking stand him.

Gasping in delight when Fuyuhiko actually surrenders to his pleas— the Yakuza really must want him to hurry up and leave —pink hues light up as bright as the grateful smile on Kazuichi's face, stars practically shining within like they used to around Sonia. Before Kaz decided that focusing all his manic, love-starved energy at her probably wasn't the best idea... It sucks not having an outlet ( or plausible deniability ) anymore, but even thinking of Sonia as an ❛ outlet ❜ makes Kaz feel scummy enough to accept this awkward emptiness as punishment for his actions.

Yelping as he's tugged closer, Kazuichi stiffens and closes his eyes as if expecting to be struck. When nothing happens— of course nothing did; Fuyu agreed to help him —he tentatively opens his eyes, fighting to quiet the unwitting tremble in his body. ❛ Calm down, calm down, calm down— ❜ Distracted by trying to steady his quickened breaths, Kaz doesn't fully register how close he now is to the other man.

❝ Sh-Shotgunning? Is that like— Like a threat or-? ❞ He asks before he can think better of it, voice cracking in a betrayal of how little his common sense is working at the moment. But one can hardly blame the skittish man for floundering when suddenly grabbed by someone who COULD easily end him at any moment. Not that Kaz believes Fuyu would... under normal circumstances. But shaken by withdrawals, by the shame of bothering the other into helping, by the unexpected yanking and eye contact— Oh. Oh fuck. Fuyu is actually really close, huh?

❛ Calm down, calm down, calm down— ❜ Chimes that same mantra, somehow even LESS successful for reasons Kaz doesn't want to dwell on. Face flushed with color, shoulders hunch as the mechanic attempts to shrink in on himself. Choking back whimpers, Kaz hastily averts his gaze, guilt gnawing at his stomach in an instinctive punishment for... everything. 「 ☆ 」

@not-bcring cont. from (X)

This right here? This was exactly why Fuyuhiko wouldn't give Kaz a cigarette, the blatant desperation on display only proving the unhealthy reliance the mechanic had on them. Fuyu saw it too much, felt it no matter how he wished he didn't, the need for even a small hit of nicotine to calm his nerves despite it only leading to the need for another and another and another.

"It won't fucking help, idiot. I give you even one puff off 'f this, and I'll only see you again for another within the hour. Deal with it, it might suck but it's better than these damn things." If only he could do the same, but here he was, placing the unlight cigarette between his lips as he fished for his lighter. "You don't fucking-" Cutting himself off as the mechanic fell to his knees, Fuyu could only roll his eyes at the display, his lighter flicking to life as it was pulled free from his pocket and brought to his face to light his smoke. "Will you get the fuck up? This puppy dog shit ain't gonna work on me." Despite the exasperation in his tone, there was a very clear flush to the yakuza's face that couldn't be blamed on the short flash of fire. He didn't know how Kaz managed to be this cute and pathetic at the same time, but damn if that sad pleading look in his eyes didn't make Fuyu's stomach do somersaults.

"Fucking- Fine, I'll share. But I'm not giving you a full hit. C'mere..." Pulling the mechanic closer by the front of his jumpsuit, Fuyu tried to ignore the way he had to stand on his toes just a bit in order to reach Kaz's face. "You know what shotgunning is?"

[not-bcring]

Starter For  -  ✩   「   @from-across-the-stars​   」   ✩

 「 ☆ 」   Kazuichi figured he’d be hurt here sooner or later... He had just been hoping for later. Much, much later. It had all happened so fast. Kazuichi had stayed out longer than he intended tinkering in the shop, not too keen on spending the night asleep on a cold concrete floor— not after he got chewed out by the teacher who woke him up in the morning the last time he tried to pull an all-nighter —he had started making his way to the dorms. Exhausted and in need of a shower, oil and sweat covering his jumpsuit, Kazuichi hadn’t been paying attention to his surroundings. He had gotten too comfortable in Hope’s Peak... That was a mistake.

He should have known better than to ever assume he’s safe.

By the time he realized he was being followed— and WHO was following him —he barely had any time to react. Overtaken by a familiar feeling of dread, he began to run, blindly heading in the direction of the dorms, desperately hoping to run into someone along the way. Not that he expected anyone to help him. No one ever does. Still, he couldn’t just accept the inevitable beating. Breathing heavily and barely able to think in his panic, body already aching from mishaps in the shop, Kazuichi spared a few frantic glances behind himself to see if they were catching up on him... and then he’d tripped. Like the stupid, clumsy, pathetic piece of shi—

Kazuichi hadn’t been on the ground long before he was roughly hoisted onto his feet and SLAMMED against a nearby wall, the rough texture digging into his back even through his jumpsuit. Banging his head against the building, a splitting pain immediately shoots through it, making Kazuichi see spots— but he doesn’t have to worry about that for long. Soon all he’s seeing is black as a fist rams against his eye. When it happens again, Kazuichi sees swirling colors... and he tastes blood.... Spatting it out because the feeling of it coating his tongue makes him nauseous, he yelps when he sees the splatter painting an assailant’s face.

❝  I... I didn’t mean to. It was an accident, I swear dude! It was—  ❞  

He’s cut off by another punch.

It’s all a blur. A flurry of pain as three guys begin beating any part of them he can reach. Breath is knocked out of his lungs by a fist against his chest, cutting off a yelp when another hits his ribs... It’s probably his imagination when he hears a crack. He tends to think these things are worse than they actually are. Yeah. It’s not as bad as he thinks it is. When it’s over, it won’t be as bad as it feels. As it sounds... He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. A frantic mantra in his mind as he finds himself curled up on the ground, arms covering his head as best he can. It hurts. EVERYTHING hurts. Eyes squeezed shut— one already swollen —blinded by blood and tears, Kazuichi coughs through his crying, pleading for the guys to stop.

Stop hurting him.... Please. Just- leave him alone... Why won’t people leave him alone?

Why does this keep happening to him?

Coughing through his tears, he barely manages to speak through each agonizing breath as he’s kicked and berated, their insults simply blending together in a panic-inducing haze. This is familiar... Painfully familiar. What feels like a million scenarios wash over him. His home, his old schools, the stupid places his ‘friends’ always saw fit to drag him too... Fights he never wanted and never was able to fight back during. Beatings that were sometimes earned, other times weren’t. It didn’t change either way. They all hurt. All left him a sniveling mess... ashamed at falling apart yet again. At the panic he feels overwhelming him; unable to think, barely able to breathe... He’s scared. He’s scared, he’s scared, he’s scared, he’s SCARED—

Fuck, he’s pathetic. 

No wonder they weren’t scared to go after him. He’s not like Gundham. He can’t defend himself... He never could. He never will. All he can do is lie here and wait, hoping that they stop before it’s too late. That he’ll be able to force himself to his dorm without anyone seeing him. That he can find some shred of rest tonight... and figure out some excuse to explain his injuries tomorrow. That is, if anyone even cares. People never did before. Never believed him when he said who hurt him or that he hadn’t brought fights upon himself. If they could even be called fights. Is it really a fight if the opponent is so quickly surrendering? If they’re weeping on the ground, begging for mercy they know they won’t receive... Not that Kazuichi can blame them. Even HE wants to beat himself for being such a loser. 

It’s with that thought that his begging quiets into hiccups and pained gasps, Kazuichi biting his bleeding lip to try and muffle the pained whimpers clawing at his raw throat. Maybe they’re doing him a favor... Maybe this’ll finally make him stronger. Maybe, if he gets hurt enough- he’ll finally toughen up. Maybe.... Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe— ...

Maybe it’ll be over soon.

Please.   「 ☆ 」