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nat-20s · 4 years ago

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MEDIA THAT I RECOMMEND YOU CONSUME INSTEAD OF SUPERNATURAL FOR BOTH HEART AND HEALTH BROKEN DOWN BY TYPE OF MEDIA AND WHY YOU MIGHT LIKE IT IF AT ANY POINT YOU, LIKE MY POOR POOR SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SELF, WERE INVESTED IN THIS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE FIRE OF A SHOW

with apologies to anyone on mobile who’s readmore function APPARENTLY doesn’t work

(I haven’t watched supernatural for at least five years and, given any sort of luck, I will never do so again, do not @ me)

hello babes. I am talking to you know bc I keep seeing supernatural, unironically, on my dash, and I think we can all do better. I see what’s happening and I think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU3i_o5Xd4g

Supernatural is fudge stripes. You are Megan. We can fix this.

So a list of alternate things that I think are overall better written/characterized/just generally more enjoyable that might scratch some of those itches:

TV SHOWS

Good Omens

okay look if u were on tumblr last year u probably already watched this show but like. If u haven’t, it’s only six episodes babe and there’s a large enough fandom that u can go down a fanart hole for days on end

Basic summary: the antichrist has reached that lovely young age where he’s supposed to bring about the apocalypse. An angel and a demon who have decided that actually they like the world as is, thank you very much, try to stop the end times. They’re not very good at it though, which makes for a comedy of errors.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: theologic (mostly christian) exploration/parody/imagery without inherently being a religious show. Fighting off the apocalypse narrative, which I think pretty much always goes hard as hell, but that’s just me. There’s a gay angel who’s socially awkward. There’s a fun very British demon. Touches on the hierarchies of heaven and hell, with framing Heaven as a bureaucracy and blurs the differences between angels and demons. Pining. Tenderness. A deep nostalgia for 80s music, though in this case it’s specifically queen, and who doesn’t love queen. Main character has a weirdly strong bond with his black vintage car. Satan is (sort of) fought.

Gravity Falls

sometimes...things that are kids shows...with a set story and a predetermined ending...are better

(also this isn’t relevant to any of what I’m talking about but I really appreciate that Gravity Falls specifically went against the thing that most begged me about ATLA aka that a 15 year old girl would be like yeah I’m into a 12 year old boy because the 12 year old boy has a crush on me and I apparently don’t get to really have a say in this. How does that make sense.)

Basic Summary: Twelve year old twins Dipper and Mabel go to stay with their Grunkle Stan for the summer in a small Oregon town called Gravity Falls. Turns out this town is filled with all sorts of strange phenomena that they often have to confront, work around, learn about, or befriend!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: The core focus of the show is a close sibling duo, but like It’s obvious that the siblings actually like and love each other and while they have their spats it’s still incredibly clear that they deeply care about each other even with their differences LIKE SORRY SUPERNATURAL YOU CAN’T JUST TELL ME THAT SIBLINGS CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEN THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME FIGHTING AND LYING TO EACH OTHER AND GENERALLY ACTING LIKE THEY CAN’T STAND EACH OTHER’S COMPANY BUT THEN OOOHHH YOU CRY ON TOP OF THE HOOD OF A CAR EVERY THREE EPISODE AND SUDDENLY THEY’RE SOULMATES OR WHATEVER

Anyway. Yeah. GF has a solid sibling dynamic. Monster of the week that builds up to greater over-arching plot. A little bit of body horror, you know, for humor. Fair amount of meta humor playing with the tropes of the genre. A Good Ol Big Bad that tries to pit the siblings against each other. Have to fight the apocalypse (you’ll see this point on like a good half of these recs, I really like ‘what are we gonna do about Armageddon’ media). Interesting creature design. Planned, satisfying ending (which supernatural absolutely does not have, but I still think if it had ended with the season 5 finale like it uhh pretty obviously was supposed to, that would sort of counted. Don’t revive shows that have clearly already told their stories kids.) Tie in media that gives you some fun extra stories when you miss the characters. (yes I read some of the supernatural novels when I was a c h i l d, yes I’m pretty sure there’s one or two of them still buried somewhere on my laptop, no I don’t wanna talk about it.) Older father figure (?) who owns a tbh kind of shitty shop. Both already in place and found family.

It’s a good show, and it’s two seasons. John Mulaney Voice: I dunno it’s 40 episodes

MINI REC ALERT! (mini recs are basically things that I’m not gonna go into detail about for whatever reason [probably either due to i’m not familiar enough with it OR I just don’t like. Have a bunch to say about it in regards to how it will scratch the itches presented to u by spn] but still seem like a Good Watch)

Mini Rec: Over The Garden Wall. Spooky Kids Media! Episodic! Miniseries so you can watch it in like 2 hours! Cool ass Animation! About two brothers encountering said spooky stuff! Big Bad tries to pit brothers against each other! Might haunt you for the rest of your life! Check it out!

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I think about this show every goddamn day of my life. (Also not relevant but Greg Sestero makes a brief cameo in it and I was like hi greg my friend greg!)

Basic Summary: An girl named Dani, while staying in London, decides to take on an Au Pair job for two young children, an older brother named Miles (age 10) and the younger sister Flora (age 8) at the spoooooky and mysteeerious Bly Manor, and she gets far more than she bargained for.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Okay so supernatural doesn’t actually do this but I know I KNOW why we let ourselves be queerbaited in 2012. Four words for you: CENTRAL! GAY! TRAGIC! ROMANCE! You want some pining? Some tenderness? Some LOVE? Some dealing with internalized homophobia but no, like, actual violent onscreen homophobia? HAVE I GOT THE SHOW FOR YOU. If ur favorite episodes where the ones that make you sob (for me it was kevin’s death on god), I recommend this show. If you wished that supernatural literally ever had consequences or perma deaths or didn’t retcon major plot events like every five goddamn episodes so that there could be some exploration of like grief and trauma through the lens of/ higher stakes of horror, I recommend this show. If you really do stay up at night picturing a supernatural that wasn’t made by dumbass cishettie white men hack writers but was actually allowed to have Dean and Cas be in love over the course of the show so they could have like actual development and not the most homophobic gay reveal of all time, I recommend this show. Hell, if you just want a banger ghost story in general, I recommend this show.

As for what they actually have in common: horror setting/aesthetic without actually being all that scary most of the time. A strong sibling duo, though they’re not nearly as much of the focus of Bly Manor. Found family. Strong themes of grief. Questions of what turns someone into a monster (and done much better) An actual, much better noble sacrifice done out of love. Escalation of stakes until there’s a big final confrontation. Semi-big bad trying to tear this family apart. Found and pre-installed family. Sad orphans.

Watch this show. Vibe with me. Cry with me. Yell at me about Owen Sharma

MINI REC ALERT!

Haunting of Hill House- spiritual predecessor to Haunting of Bly Manor, though they’re not actually the same universe/story. However, it’s made by the same dude and has a shared aesthetic/sensibilities/some of the cast. This is only a mini rec bc I haven’t actually seen it, but I’ve heard good things and that it, while much more heavily leaning into family dynamics, has similar themes of exploring Grief and Trauma through ghooossstttsss.

Community

Okay I know that this may seem like a Wild rec considering community is a school sitcom with basically Zero paranormal elements but just like. Hear me out. And no this isn’t just because I think it’s a realy good show and I want more people to watch it, though that is a factor. If I was just recommending comedies that I think are good and more people should watch regardless of them serving as a replacement for supernatural I would demand you all go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I’m gonna demand it anyway. Everyone go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Now back to your original program:

Basic Summary: A group of students at Greendale Community College form a Spanish study group, and things quickly go Off The Fucking Rails in the best way possible.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: All right I’m gonna be real honest this rec is for all of my (correct) bitches who’s favorite episodes of Supernatural were French Mistake, Changing Channels, and/or Mystery Spot. You think if Supernatural would’ve been fucking fantastic if it had been a committed comedy instead of a CW melodrama that occasionally landed some admittedly really fucking funny episodes/concepts, Community (and the movies on this list) will gently take you into its loving arms and give you everything you desire. It’s about the Meta comedy. It’s about the discussion, exploration, and subversion of common tropes within the format. It’s about the grand use of group/ found family dynamics in order to max both the goofs and the heart. It’s about fantastic callbacks. It’s about having one of the few “asshole with a heart of gold” leads I can actually stand because. You know. Growth. It’s about the INCREDIBLE genre and pop culture parody. Which genre do they parody, you ask. All of them. They parody all the genres. The glee parody episode is a fucking masterpiece of television. If you don’t want to watch a show that features a Halloween party where everyone turns into zombies and the ABBA discography blasts in the background, you can stop reading right now, because I can guarantee you won’t be interested in a damn thing I have to say.

MINI REC ALERT: The X-Files. I’ve also never seen this but a: everything I’ve seen out of context has been fantastically weird and delightful b: it appears that there’s a general consensus that Scully and Mulder are one of the only valid straight couples so it’s probably pretty fun and c: let’s all be honest. Supernatural was already basically an x-files rip off, it had like half of their original writers swiped from the x-files crew, I’m pretty sure if you liked especially the first couple of seasons of supernatural, you’re gonna like the X-files.

Subcategory: TV SHOWS ( A WHOLE TWO OF ‘EM, OR MORE LIKE ONE AND HALF IF YOU WANNA GET TECHNICAL) I’M SPECIFICALLY RECOMMENDING FOR THAT COCAINE HIT OF PURE UNADULTERATED UNCUT 2012 TUMBLR NOSTALGIA

BBC Merlin

Yes, I know the show ended in 2010. Yes, it still provides that 2012 Tumblr nostalgia. 2012 Tumblr is a feeling, not an actual time period.

I love this stupid show. I plan on rewatching it all over the month of January. I harbor a deep amount of fondness for it. It’s why every time I see literally any depiction of Merlin I get just so fucking excited, and why I’ve consumed as many ridiculous Arthurian adaptations as I have (side note: my two favorite other ridiculous Arthurian legend adaptation are Avalon High, a DEEPLY silly DCOM that is required viewing to level up friendship with me, and The Kid Who Would Be King, which is the only movie that I think truly understands the comedic potential of playing a King Arthur Adaptation mostly straight but everyone in it is 12. I’m not sure it intended to be as fucking funny as it was, but again, they’re all middle schoolers. I have never been more jealous of an actor than I was of the 22 year old that got to play a 16 year old dumbass Merlin who was sometimes also Patrick Stewart and did all of his magic with ridiculous hand gestures That should’ve been me that should’ve been me that should’ve been me. Also Sword in the Stone by TH White is pretty good, because Merlin knows germ theory in the fantasy 400’s and he just uses it to be petty mostly. Also listen to High Noon Over Camelot by The Mechanisms. Also Also I tend to prefer family friendly adaptations because they don’t have the uhhh. You know. Incest and sexual violence of the original legend. Love to Not have that shit!) Whether you watched it initially and are due for a rewatch, or you’re intrigued enough by the concept of the show to watch it for the first time, you should join me on this wild wild ride.

Basic Summary: You know who Guinevere, Arthur, and Merlin are, come on. BBC said let’s make em all YOUNG let’s make em SEXY let’s make em FAMILY FRIENDLY and let’s make magic REALLY SEEM LIKE A THINLY VEILED ALLEGORY FOR BEING GAY BUT TO THIS DAY IM NOT SURE IF THAT WAS INTENTIONAL OR NOT BUT IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT WAS. @ THE BBC MERLIN CREATORS WHAT IS THE TRUTH BECAUSE THERE WAS SOME INTERVI-

Basic Summary but like a bit more helpful: A BABY version of Merlin (and by baby I mean like 20 year old.) is sent from his small town to the big city the Kingdom of Camelot to find his destiny. Staying with the town physician and friend of his mom’s, Gaius, he ends up as both his assistant and personal manservant to Prince Arthur. But in a kingdom where magic is punished with death and the prince seems hell bent on getting himself into situations that are going to kill him, the young sorcerer has his more than his share of work cut out for him.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Primo supremo queerbaiting. Like, yeah, okay, it’s queerbaiting, you know it’s queerbaiting, but you watch some of the scenes and ur like okay. I know why I let this bait me. Obviously with a modern show, I would expect more, I would expect better, I would raise my standards, but I gotta admit. Some of these scenes are fuckin compelling as hell, and the subtext is like barely sub. Monster of the week shenanigans. Some awful CGI creatures but like a charming awful. Like the kind of awful that tells you their very limited budget was more focused on cool swords than realistic creatures. Episodic stories build into a more overarching plot, with things getting darker in season 4/5. Shitty father that end up eating shit and while the son of said father is rightfully conflicted and upset over the death it’s cathartic and victorious as all hell for the audience. Multiple hot evil women, and I love hot evil women. There’s also nice hot women, which is a bonus. These women don’t all immediately stupidly die, so that’s a nice change. Also like a LOT of sarcastic humor and shenanigans if u like Sass Merlin is there for u personally name a more iconic line than “Oh I’m sorry, how long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?” AND THAT’S IN THE FIRST FUCKIN EPISODE brilliant amazing fantastic show stopping. Also you know those like dumb hijink episodes where like Dean was possessed by the spirit of a dog or some shit? You bet your bottom fuckin dollar BBC Merlin has those kinds of storylines. Also I know some people go to spn bc it had that HUGE fanbase and like BBC Merlin’s fanbase is still SURPRISINGLY poppin even though it’s been a decade since there was new content so like. Have fun!

Doctor Who but Specifically the RTD Era

Look I’m not here to say that the first four seasons of reboot doctor who are the only good doctor who or inherently better than all the rest (though the RTD era is my favorite personally) BUT when ur seekin that sweet sweet superwholock frenzy nostalgia, this is the ‘who’ that is being referred to. Also like. Stan 9. We should all collectively stan the ninth doctor. Chris Eccleston, the Objectively Best Famous Chris, deserved better.

Basic Summary: An immortal alien that goes by “The Doctor” travels across time and space with a variety of different companions, often to try and save the day or fix a (sometimes self created) mess. It’s distilled campy sci-fi with a family friendly tone that has made me cry on several occasions.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Monster of the week that, you guessed it, builds into bigger overarching plot style narrative. Fighting off the apocalypse, but like every couple of weeks because worlds are in danger a LOT. A semi-tragic romance that made people go absolutely buck fuckin wild bc pining n shit. Wamen, but they aren’t fridged. (actually for real though none of the main women die and I just think that’s really fun and flirty even though I could go on a COMPLETELY SEPARATE rant about the injustice of one of the character’s ending YES season 4 is my favorite season and one of my favorite pieces of media ever and I am currently actively recommending it to you YES im still fucking pissed over how it ended YES we exist) Specifically, a Wonderful and Very Excellent woman named Donna who goes on a spa trip that doesn’t end up going very well. That seems like a highly specific example, and it is, but it did happen in both shows. (Also, to anyone that continued watching SPN after like idk season 9 what happened to Donna? I always liked her and I know she became a recurring character so like DM whatever probably injustice was the end of her story line pls and thank you) I’m also extra specifically recommending for Supernatural Fans and also The World At Large: Season Four of Reboot Who. I rewatched it last year and it still goes so fucking hard. Donna Noble is the best character in existence. In regards to the appeal for SPN, personally I think the best part of SPN was when people who are soulmates went on adventures and tried to save the day and it was a good mix of banter and sincerity AND GUESS WHAT’S BASICALLY THE ENTIRETY OF SEASON 4 OF DOCTOR WHO. It’s so good y’all I wish Everything was about soulmates going on adventures and trying to save the day.

OKAY TV SHOWS DONE TIME FOR M O V I E S which I don’t have nearly as many recs for but uhh here goes

What We Do In The Shadows/ Shaun of the Dead

I’m lumping these two together bc my reasons for recommending them are largely the same, and I would call them tonally similar enough that if you like one you’ll probably like the other

Basic Summary (Shaun of The Dead): Uh-oh! London’s had a break out of some of that good ol’ zombieism. Shaun and friends decide to hunker down in a local bar, but they have to get there first. Will they survive? Will they fuck up some zom zoms? Who’s to say?

Basic Summary (What We Do In The Shadows): Some vampire roommates dick around. I think there’s technically, like, a plot, but it’s really just about some vampires Doin Their Thing. Vibin.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: This is kind of similar to the Community recommendation, in that supernatural had the opportunity to be one of those things that was both a parody of a genre but also just a really good example of the genre. WWDITS and SotD are both those things for vampire and zombly movies, respectively. Have the aesthetic and some of the themes of a horror but is not actually all that scary. Horror Comedy is a god tier genre and I don’t know why it’s not more widespread. Fun monsters/cast of characters in general, so at least one person in it is probably going to make you go “oh gender” ya know? With SotD you have the fantasy power trip that comes with like any piece of media that involves hunting monsters. With WWDITS I go “yep that’s how bisexuals dress” and I Will Not Clarify which character I’m talking about.

MINI REC ALERT: All of Taika Watiti’s filmography. Thor:Ragnarok is one of like 3 marvel movies that I consider genuinely fucking fantastic completely independent of the MCU and my own tendency to be like “hurr bdurr I love. Superheros”. For the one that is most tonally like Supernatural But Significantly Better and Written By Someone Competent I think I would say try out Hunt For The Wilderpeople. It’s got a reluctant curmudgeonly father figure and I KNOW some of you motherfuckers were so invested in spn when you were like 16 bc you had daddy issues. This is a callout post for my friend [REDACTED], who I should text to watch Hunt for the Wilderpeople, actually.

MINI REC ALERT X2!!!: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’ve never seen it but it has both Winona Ryder AND Keanu Reaves so like. Goth bi rights.

Happy Death Day (and Happy Death Day 2 U)

happy death day was one of those movies that I saw the trailer, went “eh”, heard other people say it was great, watched, and went holy fuck this slaps. Not nearly as much of a slasher film as the trailers implied if im remembering the trailer correctly

Basic Summary: Our main character Tree keeps waking up on the day she was murdered. The day resets every time that she dies. That’s right, it’s a time loop storey babey!!!!!!!!!!!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: If you were anything like me you were foolishly lulled into supernatural for way longer than you should’ve been on the promise that the characters would idk like grow and change and become better and learn lessons and some of that would be through the power of receiving love and kindness. You know. Like how good writers would do it especially if their main characters are kind of dicks that really should make some changes. Well, Happy Death Day fucking delivers on that promise in SPADES. It’s about growth! It’s about change! It’s about making the active decision to become a better person and putting effort into doing so! There’s heavy themes of like grief and trauma and acknowledging them and facing them head on in order to move on and the negative consequences of refusing to do so and just trying avoid it until it goes away. There’s a romance that makes my dumb little self do the pleading face emoji. Tree is also one of the only good asshole with a heart of gold characters. I also think media is improved by having at least one character that is a Good Good Boy (note: Good Good Boy character does not have to be a man.) and Happy Death Day has Carter. Oh on that note: Tree Voice: I’ve only had character for (the same repeating over and over) a day but if anything happens to him I’ll kill everyone here and then myself. Also the movie is funny so like hell yeah.

that’s all I got for relevant movies right now

BOOK RECS

jk i’m illiterate. Everyone should feel free to go ahead and add their own suggestions for this section The best I can do is uhhhh I think y’all would probably like Mira Grant’s novels, particularly the Newsflesh stories, bc sibling dynamics. Also the book The Haunting of Hill House is really good. Ballad of Black Tom slaps? There’s of course the Good Omens novel that the show was based on. I’m about to recommend some podcasts after this section which will include to Welcome to Nightvale because of course it will and the tie in novels for that slap, especially It Devours!, and I’m pretty sure they work as stories even if you know nothing about the podcast. Also also I think you should read “The Long Way to A Small, Angry Planet” by Becky Chambers It’s not thematically similar to supernatural at all but it’s one of my all time favorite sci fi novels and only like four people have read it which is a goddamn TRAVESTY.

Anyway yeah that’s it that’s all there is. Onto the medium that is like books but I can fold laundry or cook while consuming their narratives.

PODCAST RECS

Okay so this is getting uhhh wicked long so I’m gonna limit myself to only three full blown recs and a

mini rec

Alice Isn’t Dead

Fuck me running this show is so good. Literally hands down my all time favorite (and scariest!) horror podcast. Mamma mia, that’s a good fuckin story. The Book version is also good and has fewer Weird events but some further character development so I recommend them both.

Basic Summary: After her wife Alice disappears mysteriously, Keisha takes up a job as a long haul trucker, traveling all across America in order to find her, but ends up finding so much. Pursued by a deadly creature she calls The Thistle Man, the stakes of her journey are raised.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: okay so I have a lost of bullet points of things that appealed to me specifically about supernatural and how no other shows covers all of them which sucks bc it means I basically Yearn for a show that’s supernatural but good. Alice isn’t Dead, however, hits the most of these bullet points AND is so fucking good. It has monster hunting. It has stopping a cataclysmic event BUT also discussion of the cyclical nature of events such as these and how the fight never truly ends but you can make some fucking progress nonetheless. It has a central gay romance that’s actually a central gay romance. It’s the ONLY show on this list that really hits that the weird and dark underside of americana vibe but specifically the americana of not like suburbs and shit but that eerie haunted feeling you get when you’re hours into a late night drive on open roads with no civilization around and an expansive sky and it just Seems like something should be watching you. Have you ever been out for a walk at midnight and encountered a deer and you looked into each other’s eyes and it felt like it was telling you a message that you couldn’t possibly hope to parse? Have you ever felt an incredible sense of deja vu eating in a restaurant you couldn’t have possibly been in before, because you’ve been to a thousand diners a thousand times just like one, and there’s an incredibly sense of homogeneity even though you’re 2000 miles away from anyone and anything that could possibly know you? Have you ever traveled to an area that seems to be stuck in a bubble of time, the only thing that shows any evidence of having aged past 2006 being yourself, and you wonder how your cell phone even works around here? THAT’S the spooky americana I’m fuckin talking about! Messed up road trips! Too much goddamn space! America is scary because it’s big and Filled With Things but also Not Enough Things! Fuck yeah!!!!! That time bubble fuckin EXISTS in Wyoming the most recent song on the radio I heard was fuckin Hey Soul Sister!

Also has a thing where like are there even good guys and bad guys in a conflict or is it all just one umbrella nightmare that you’re trying to stand against in anyway possible (u kno..like how the overarching structures of both heaven and hell were kinda fucked in spn? No spoilers but similar shit be happenin in Alice Isn’t Dead). Exploration of what makes someone into a monster, like how do you go down that path? Also this is the only show on this whole damn list that southern gothic music really suits it so points for that.

The Magnus Archives

You know I had to do it to ‘em.

Basic Summary: Jonathan Sims has just become the Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute, a “research” “facility” that looks into paranormal/esoteric/unexplained phenomena.

John Mulaney Voice, Again: Nobody knows what the archivist is going to do next, least of all the archivist. He’s never been in an archives before, he’s just as confused as you are.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Oh fuck this document is over 5k long I said I wasn’t gonna do this hhhhh so lipton lightning round: Slowburn Gay Romance but Actually Canon, Monster Hunting but Hey What Even Is A Monster Anyway, Acts Somewhat like a Loosely Connected Horror Anthology until it DOESNT, Little Things Build to Bigger Narrative, Characters Be Goin Through It (On God These People Need Therapy), Trying to Prevent/Fix The Apocalypse (X2!!!), Smug Asshole Big Bad, Horror as a Metaphor For Various Shit, Basically if you thought that the Men of Letter concept slapped and you think it should’ve been the whole damn show including being Deeply British you would probably really fuckin like TMA. Also if ur like the ideal piece of media is a horror tragedy but also like it’s a wacky sitcom but also also fuck cops. U will like tma.

Welcome to Nightvale

IF ANY 2012 TUMBLR FANDOM DESERVES TO MAKE A MASSIVE COMEBACK AND BE EVERYWHERE AGAIN AND ABSOLUTELY FLOOD MY DASH IT’S WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE WHY DID WE ABANDON THE SHOW THAT TREATED US THE MOST KINDLY DID YOU KNOW THAT EPISODES 108-110 ARE THE BEST FUCKING BUILT UP NARRATIVE REVEAL THAT I HAVE WITNESSED IN MY LIFE DID YOU KNOW THAT IT CONTINUED TO BE REALLY FUCKING GOOD AFTER MOST PEOPLE STOPPED LISTENING DID YOU KNOW CECIL AND CARLOS ARE MARRIED AND THEY HAVE A DOG AND A TODDLER NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THE GAY PODCAST PROTAGONISTS CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER LOVE OF MY LIFE ELDRITCHIAN CHEERLEADER AND CERTIFIED BIMBO KEEPS FUCKIN WINNIN BABY. DID YOU KNOW THAT CECIL THINKS PEANUT BUTTER IS A ROCK.

Basic Summary: Welcome to the sleepy desert town of Ņ̶̏ight V̶͚̰̮͗̔̊̊ale! Community radio how host Cé̵̟͚͕̗̞̙͂͑̽̄́c̵̤̼̞͈̪͓̍̽̋̚̕͜il Pǎ̵̧̨̢͚̻̈̂̄̇͐̇̊̀̆ͅl̶͚͎͕͉͖̬͓͑́̐̒̍̿̈́͢͜͝ͅm̸̧͙̟̖̠̳̬͋́͋́͌̚̚ͅȩ̙̖͎̖͂́̒͐͜͞r̢̢̛̰̻̮̺̩͙̼̈́͋̀͘ is here to k̠̠̰̦͙̯̥̎̄̆͌̎̀̿̔̌̚ê̷̢̬̥̞̩̯̘͒̽̈̓͐̂̔̍e̶̡̝̗̺̫̪̜͆̓̿̈͌͌̆͒͞ͅp̵̹̗̬̼̠̬͙̏͐͐̉̅͊͊́͟͞ͅͅ ỷ̛͙̞̦̦͖̑̉̌̎͞͡͡͝ͅo̧̧̥͎̻̥̲͇͋́́̔̈͌͞ǔ̸̬̯̫͇̦̮͕̤̲̯̽̔̀̔͆͋̈́͘̚ up to date all the local happenings, including w̸̢̢̢̧̡̡͍͖̻̳̹̼̼̰̬̭̱͔̲͙͍̰̠̥̺̝͖̺̖̼̮̼̞̳̞̜͉̤̯͇̖̳͖̠̙̺̲̤͇͈͚͓̮̭̱̭̩͚̟̥̬̟̻̝̼̖͚̘͐̆̅̂̃̈́͆͊̉̏͒́̈́̋͗͑̄̉́̐̌́̿̌͛̾̎̊̾̃̈́̉̔̍̐͛̕͘̚͜͜͠͠é̵̢̡̧̨̨̡̧̨̡̛̹̥̥̞̮̯͙͈̻̝͓͖͙̦̰͍̖̜̲̰̞͎͈̭̯̳͕̗͓͈̭̫̼̯̪̞̯̰̲̘̭͎̪̱̗̝̝̞̤̱͉͙̯͎̬͎̙̜̗͉̩̦͕̪̳͇͙̺̙̰̠͚͎̜̠͔̬͎̺̣͕̜̊̓̃̐̂́͂̎̐̾̔̽̀̉́̍̊̂̿̎͂͐̎̐̄̍̔̋̐̃͗̈́͂̀̒̊̎͘͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅa̸̡̧̡̡̨̡̨̛̛͙̣̘̳͎͖̥̝̟̱̩̥͙͉̝̲̙̮̩̩̹̱͔͎̥̹̻̜͚̭̬̳͚̤̙̖̯͎̱̫̞̪̻͖̱̞͔̭̻̺͚͚̯̬͓͓̳͇̳̦͓̞͈̮̤̭̣͉̲̞͚̘͗̆̃͌̅̍͊̓̈̇̌̒͊͑̊̏̊͌̈̓̿͗̒̏̒͊͒̏̃̎̒̀̅̾̍̀͘͘͜͝͠ͅt̵̛̀̏͒̆͋̈́̈́͂̔͋͆͂̅͗̍̆̍̆̚͝͝��̢̡̨̧̧̛̛̯̤͓̘̻̤͓̪̰͔̪̝̫͎̻͔͈͎͔͙͕͈̰͓͍̑͊̏̈͒́̽͊́̿͂́̓͛̽͐͌̌̐̈̇̃̓̆̍̅̃̔̕͜͝ͅͅh̸̨̨̡̢̢̡̢̧̡̧̢̡̨̡̭̜̬̬̙͕̗̙̻̯̠̘͙̻̥͉͚̼̗͚͇͉̰͍̥͉̗͎̬̫͖͉͔̼̮̯̞̫̬̟̻͉̖̙̥̫͖̬͚̟̜̭͇͎̭̘̝̲̤͕͎̰̭̗̯̮̤̙̙̯͍̞̭͚͔͎̞̹̲̟͉̩̭̖̱̠͍̺͈̟̩̋̆̈́͆̍̆̄̏͜ͅͅȇ̸̢̢̨̨̧̛̜͍̺͎̬̪͙̻̝̣͓͈̺̩̳̟̲̠̣͈͎͎͈͉̙̪͖̳̺͇̹̊̍͊͑̿͊̌͛̿̓͊̾̀͂͛̉͆̾̽͆̈̏͛̊͛̍̈́̇͋̔͂̑͐̂̿͊̽͑͘̚͘͝͝͠͝ͅͅŕ̵̨̡̨̨̢̧̡̧̨̘̟͙̦̲̲̪̦̙̼̠̳͚̞̦̞͖͚͇̳͖̲̭͕̜̫̳̖̙͖͉͎̘̘̤̠͈̬͕̝̻͚̥͍͕̠̥͙̙̪̖̯͍̘̘̲̣̹̜̪̲̭̟̮̫̖̤̰͔̩̩͉̲͚̟̝̦̬̪̘̬̮̱͔̻̦̼̃̐̂͋̐̅̋͒̉͛́̅̈́̒̒͆̑̆͊̒͒̀̍̈́̍͌̍̏̔͋͌̒̍̌͛̓̈̂̐̕͘͘͜͜͝͝͝ͅͅͅ ̶̢̡̨̛̠͇̹̯͕͍̻̟̼̼̗̩̱̗̙̱̥̜̬̫̜͎͉̺̣͓̟̯̱͖̣̞̠̝̥͍̲̳̙̠͔̹̘̲̲̻̖̈́̊͋͜͜ą̵̡̧̟͕̬̳̜͈͈̳̝̜̣̬͔͈͈͎͉͍̯̟̞̺͎̝͇̰̥͖̬̯͙̤̬̼̲̦̯̭͓̠̺̳̱̰̮̎͋͆̈́͌͆̎̉̓̇̐͋͋́̃̉̈̄̏̓̉̿̅̒̉̒̉͂͛̄̀̇̒͊͛́͊̎́͆̌̆́̌͂̈́̽̋͛͗̑̊̀́̍͊̌͆͊͐͆̅̒̊̉̾̄͛̑̕͘͘͘͘͝͝͝͝͠͠͝n̸̡̛̛̛̛̛̙͎̬̦̠̼͓͈̝̾̍͑͛̅̒̾́̌̍͛̇̋̇̓̏͛̔͛̈́͆̿̌͐̿͊̿́͒̍̃̀̈͐̐̆͐̉̒̂̉̀̅̇̾͋̍͒̋̈̌̿͒͐̍́͗̀̌̌̚̕̕̕͘̚͘͘̚͜͠͝͝͝d̴̡̢̢̛̛̛̺̠̳̬͎̞̲̣̲̱̳̪̹͉̝̠̱̗̙̫̠̹̼̙̝͉̲̟̮̙̙̮̻̹͈̦̙̞͚̜̙̖̞͓̙̭͉̃̽̌̅̔̾̈́̒̽͑́̒͋̓̈́͆͋̽̒̃̽̋̐͌͂̍͑́̽̋̍͗̋͗͂̅̽̈̈̾͐̄̃̕̕͜͠͠͝͠͝ͅͅ ̵̡̡̢̛̛̗͚͍̺͇̲̳̯͓̰͍̙̮̙̜̟̞̣̼͕̝͔͙̺̫͈͈̠̻̘̱͍̦̭͔͈̤̺̗̮͕̦̞̘͍̯̻̝͓̤̳̫͔̩͉̬̈́͋̈́̐͒́̔́́̿̓̆͐̎͆̇͒̄̈̿̓̑̾̏̔̿͊̌͆͒̒͊̓̅̓́̔̅̀̀̀̃̿̂̑͂͆̅̎̾̏̓̂̈́͛͌̇̾͌͐̈̂̆͐̅̓̍̓̃̆͗̃͛̏̒̌̀̅͊́̽̐̆̿́̌͘͘̚̕͘̕̕͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͠t̷̢̥͓̄͗̾̄̅̚͜r̵̨̡̨̧̧̢̛̛̛̛̛͍͙͚̥̱̞̜̦̜̼̺͉̠̬͎̰̻̜̼̫̤͓͖͖̤͇̞̥̖̈́͊̆̓͊̑̑̋̒̈́̔̆͆́̐͛͑͊͋̇̈́̓̑̍̏͐͛̽̋̎͑̃̈́͒̇̂̇̌͂̀̍̊̇̓̋̈́̌̏̕͘̚̕̚͝͝͠ǎ̴̡͓͓̯̘̥̱̱͖̦̺͓̘͉͖̞̟̦͈̜̥̰̘̞͈̦̠̼̯̙̭̼͚̟̖̲̠̝̜̐̅͆̏̈́̍́͂̃̾͑̓͋̽̄̾́̾̆̾͒͋̎͂̈́͘̕̕̚͜ͅͅf̷̢̡̡̧̢̨̡̧̢̢̧̡̧̫͖̖͇̲̫̮͕͉͓̩̪̳̹̩͎̖̟̤̤̲̟̪̫̻̻̖̟̦͉̼͎͖̭͍͖͎̖̳̳͙̜͉̝̘̺̖͚̙͉͕͙̯͖̞͚̮̲̻͉͙̺̭͓͎̤͙̦̦̺̯͕̜̰͍̳̙̦͉̪̥́͋̓̅̀͋͐̀̄̊̆̉̒̐͒̀̏̈̇̊̉̆̐̏̾̀̀̓͛͆̍̾͗͌̀̄̔͒̀̍̈́͆̔̒̑̏̍̏͆́̾̐̂͋̂̔̂́̓̓̌͌̉͛́̒̐̽̏́̑͊́̌̆̂̑͋̇̈́͌̑̿̅͗̚̕͘̕̚͜͠͝͝͠͠f̴̨̨̛̹͌̂̓͌͛̀͑̾̓̍͗̽͆̉̊͗̇́̍͌̊͐̔̈́̊̇͆̄̃̑̕̕͘͘͘͠͝͝͝͠i̴̧̡̢̢̧̢̨̨̧̧̧̛̛͎̗̳̦̘̙͓̦̙͔̜̼̘͇͇̺̭͉̠̩̟̤̥̘͙̤̩͔̪̱̻͈̪̼̼̞̠͎̟̹͕̻̭̤̪̲͕̟̺̻̻͖͕͚̣͇̖̰̝̩͈̤͕͇͕̝͙̙̪͔̗̫͇͎̙̲̲͖̗̘͉̲̣̤͎̔̐̆͒̄̈́̀̎̃̃̅͆̌̈́̽̈́̅̈́̑̄̇͒͐̀̐̀̒̍̀̓͌͗̓̽́͗̓̎͂͛̅̑̔̀͛̈́̽̾̃̊͊͆̄̍͑̍̆̌̾͗̄̊̽̉̅̆̀̎̀͑̿̎̋̄̆̃͐̾̏͛͒̍̋̅͘̕̚̕̕͜͜͝͝͝͝͠ͅͅc̷̛̛͚̝̻̣̞̓́̃́̀̃̓͗͌̂͛́̒̊͑̓͆̇̈́͑̏̆̀͌̑͂͂̄͌̉̔̋́̎͒̿͗͒͛̇͛̿̎̍̕̕̕͝͝͝͝͝ ̴̢̧̢̡̨̢̡̨̡̢̢̛̺̘̹̯̤̩̘̯͔̞̟̬̠̣̟̻̥̜̤͔̥͕̠̥̞͎̗̩̱̮͉͔͎̲̯̱̙̜̥̳̮͔̦̣͖͔̜͉̗̪̳̹̦̤͇̣̙͕̯̫̖̝̼̹͍̠͎͓̗͎̦͓̲̯̱̠̰͇̮̹͔̝͉͙̹̜̹͈̹̥͖̣̳̲͖̓́͌̈́̈́̀͌̄͂̌̾́̍̔̊̓̿͋͂͋̈́̋́́̒̓̀̒̃͂̀͑̐͛̆̆͒̈́̅̿͊͌̍͗̌̌͆̂͌́̉̏̒̓͊̾̒̓̋̽͐̏̾͘̕͜͝͠͝ͅͅr̸̨̢̛̪̞̬͓͔̥̤̣͔̭̥̙͉̦̗̠̳̩͙̂̈́͑͑̿̋̓̀͋͆̋̕͝͝ë̴̢̡̨̬͈͉̖̞͔͎͓͖̼̘̬͕̰͈̥͈̝̩͎͉͉̫̜͚͕̤͔̟̯͓͎̟͙̜̭̩̗̮͎̗̤͇̝̩͎̜̺̯͕͇̝͎̯͙̖͙̮̗̮̘́̑͑͛̂̅̄̌̽̓̒̾̿͆̏̏͐͛̾̂̃͑͆̅̄̿͋̅͂̈́̽͋͒̎͐̒̓͆̌̉͑͊́̀̈̾͛̋͑̋̎̈̀̽̀͊̏͘͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅp̴̧̧̡̢̢̢̛̛̛͚̟͓̖̭̪̻̪̲̬̥̙̥̰̼̹͎͕̪̞̮̺̰̬̘̫̤͉̦͙̮̖̙̹̻͔̖̮̲̞̣̻̜̠͇̬͚̱̦̼̲̮̀̂͌̍̈̒̍̋̌̏͐̓͛̉̂̈̀͑̈́͊͗͋͗́̂̎̎̃͆͒̅̑̇́̈͐̾̀̔̒̉͑͒̅̓̈́̋͋̀̍̄̿̌̀̉͆̇̔̈́͗̋̄̓̇͗̎̉̆͊̒͗̚̕͘͘̕̕̚͜͜͝͝͠͠͠͠͠ͅͅͅơ̶̢̡̧̨̡̛̛͔̦̼̰̠̯̰̟̲̣̜͙̲͙̪̱̱͕̺̪͈͉̺̻̙̥̲̩̲̩͔̠͚̩͓̞̠̯̟̫̣̗̦̰͉͚͙̺͎̼͖̥̙͈̯̲̝̞͎̻͕̮͔̰̖͔̭͙̩̼͔̫̹̘͓͔̜̘͍̍̅̄͋͑̋̍̊̉̄̈̽̈͐̀͌͐̆͊͂̐̋̃̎͆͛̐̀̂̿̈́͂́̈̌͐̇̀̒͋͑͐́͌̐̇̊͆̀͂͋̏́͋͆̏͗͂͑̂̓̽͘͘̚̕̕̕̕̚͘͜͜͠͝͝ͅͅͅr̴̨̨̨̧̨̛̘͕͈͔͙̠̬̯̩̗̰̗̬̦͈̗̝̣͓͓̟͕͙͈̠̘̻͓̭̝̘̦̦͓̭̘͙̻̙̼̩̰̝͈̱̝̱̬͉͙̣̖̮̲͈̙̱̩̣͕̦̰̮͔͈͓̙̮͍̳̟̠̞͎̱̣̰͕̩̝̲̝͐́́̍̈͐͋̐̑̌͋̓̈́̈͗̿̈̈́͗̑̚͜͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅţ̴̢̨̧͇͉͎̣̬̣̝̗̬̹͇̮̞̈́̐̌̇̈́̌͊̐̅̂̌̂͒͌́̈͌̂̊͗̍̿͑͋̎̓͂̀̎̎͒̾̏̒͌̃̄͋̌̾̍̈́̐̏͑̊̍͑͆̉̓́̆̌̾̓͊̊̈̑͘̚̕͘͘̕͝͝͝͝͝s̴̢̢̡̛̬̹͚̻͉̦̦̣̦̠̜͕̤̳͓͙̟̬͕̘̦̿͗̉̏̒͆̓̄͊͌͛͂͑̒̃͛͘͜͝͝!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Honestly, probably bc Nightvale and Alice are by the Same Dudes, a lot of these points are the same as Alice Isn’t Dead, but it’s less scawy and more funney. Also hits the “horror, but make it kind of a sitcom” vibes. Doesn’t have the same road trip vibes, but DOES capture the exact weirdness of South Western USA, so I’m still giving it “fucked up americana” credit. If you’ve never been to New Mexico ur like this is an exaggeration clearly no desert town is subject to like ACTUAL cosmic horror and unexplainable sights but I’m telling you New Mexico is just Like That. (I highly recommend visiting the land of enchantment if you ever get the oppurtunity it is a deeply odd and wonderfully unsettling experience.) Look man it’s gay it’s a horror comedy cecil has a wonderfully soothing voice and it hates capitalism so fucking much like oh my god so much what more could you want.

MINI REC ALERT: Wolf 359! I have nothing deep to say about this I just like it and my gut tells me that y’all would enjoy it too I know there isnt much for physical descriptions in the show but I know in my heart that the main character is so so pretty and so so stupid. I KNOW yall like some himbos that experience character growth.

Okay since It’s my party and I’ll speak if I want to rapid fire list of podcasts I just like and want more people to listen to even though I’m behind on like all of them shhhhh: The Penumbra Podcast, BomBARDed, Dungeons and Daddies, Stellar Firma, Wonderful!

SONG RECS

okay these aren’t like replacement recs or anything they’re just really good and I almost certainly would have put them on some sort of supernatural playlist in 2013 but I don’t, like, have a good playlist for them now so I’m subjecting y’all to them also they all have the youtube link for ease of access

Woah There Kimmy- Felix Hagan & the Family

Devil’s Backbone- The Civil Wars

Blood On My Name- The Brothers Bright

Awake O Sleeper- The Brothers Bright

The Bottom of the River- Delta Rae

Old Number 7- The Devil Makes Three

The Bullet- The Devil Makes Three

In Hell I’ll Be In Good Company- The Dead South

Bartholomew- The Silent Comedy

Pomegranate Seeds- Julian Moon

Curses- The Crane Wives

Tongues & Teeth -The Crane Wives

OKAY THAT’S IT! THAT’S ALL FOLKS! FUCK!

#long post #if you didn't want this blame of-mice-and-mentality for enabling me posting #supernatural

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nautiscarader · 4 years ago

Text

Wendip Week 7 - telling the truth

I was unable to come up with a story directly about not being able to lie, so I decided to put a spin on it.

(Ao3)

===

As the thunder rolled through the dark, gloomy skies outside the cozy wooden house, the young woman standing by the windows felt the weather couldn't have been more appropriate for the situation. She turned around and began walking back and forth past the living room, where four other people have gathered, each of them following her with intense stares.

Knowing she cannot delay this any longer, Mabel grunted and addressed her brother and his family.

- So, you are wondering why I have gathered you all there... - Not really - Dipper's son interrupted her - You asked us to sit here so you can do your detective spiel. - Was that from a movie, or something? - Emma continued - Didn't you guys have a cartoon where you were younger, or- - DUCK-TECTIVE WAS NOT A CARTOON!

The girl shrieked when Mabel slammed her fist against the wooden coffee table, her eyes filled with anger.

- IT WAS A MASTERPIECE OF STORYTELLING AND ANIMATION, AND IT IS A SHAME IT WAS CANCELLED AFTER ONLY NINE SEASONS!

Seeing the sheer terror in both Emma and Tyrone's eyes, as well as a bit of it in Dipper's and Wendy's, Mabel leaned back, fixed her coat, and resumed her act in much more subdued tone.

- So, as I was about to answer, I gathered you all here because I'm afraid that there is a force out there, ready to destroy your family. Our... family... - she spoke under her breath, looking ominously into the raging storm outside - I am talking of course...

She turned towards the four and eyed them with icy-cold, piercing gaze.

- ...about distrust! The one thing that can break even the toughest of bonds between the loved ones. Husband and wife, mother and daughter, brother and sister...

Mabel pointed to each of the members of Pines family, disregarding Dipper's and Wendy's confused stares that appeared on their faces when Mabel jumped onto the table.

- Tonight I have been contacted by a daughter of yours, who would like to remain anonymous...

The three other members of Pines family all turned towards Emma, eyeing her with accusatory looks.

- ...regarding a case of missing cookies!

Mabel dramatically revealed an empty jar she has been holding underneath her oversized, brown coat. Wendy, Dipper and Tyrone let out a collective groan.

- Okay, in my defence, I didn't know what she was gonna do - Emma quickly explained herself. - Mabel, do you really think it's necessary? - Dipper asked his sister - Yes, brother. - she turned sharply towards him - In fact, your reluctance suggests I should start with you...

She grabbed a flash-light and shone its beam directly into Dipper's eyes, making him cower and cover his eyes.

- Mabel! - Admit it, brother! - she leaned against him - It was you! everyone knows you have a sweet tooth! You can ask me! I can ask me! I have whole life of evidence against you...

She turned towards Wendy, whose lips curled into a smirk.

- Yeah, she's got a point there. - Come on! You know I'm trying to control my weight ever since we stopped running away from monsters on a weekly basis. - Dipper grumbled back - Besides, what kind of parent would I be, if I didn't follow the same rules that we set for our kids? - Interesting... - Mabel pondered for a while. - Then the next in line is... Wendy!

Mabel jumped in place once more, pointing at her sister-in-law with vindictive glare.

- How could you betray our trust? I had you for a friend all these years... - she spoke dramatically, her voice quivering with pretence emotions. - Mabel, you do know I don't like sweets that much. And I especially wouldn't eat a whole jar of them. - she rolled her eyes. - Again, bad role model for the kids. - The kids!

Mabel turned her attention to the two youngsters sitting next to each other.

- After your father, you are the most suspicious ones here... After all, all kids like their sweets... - Wow, we are honoured to be interrogated by the most brilliant of minds here. - Dipper rolled his eyes. - Hey, not your turn. - Mabel barked back - I'm gonna come back to you.

She pointed her beam at the red-haired boy.

- Tyrone, we all know you stay up late, don't you? Those late night gaming or study sessions make you hungry, don't they? - Well... sometimes... - Ah-ha! And here we have, an irrefutable proof that it was you, Tyrone, who ate the chocolate chip cookies! - Except we don't. - Emma added quickly.

At once, Mabel looked down at his sister, who interrupted her speech.

- We don't. He doesn't like chocolate chip cookies. He prefers hazelnut. - Is that true? - Yeah. I-I thought you knew. - the red-headed boy shied away.

Mabel scratched her chin, contemplating her next move.

- Hm. Now that I think about it, there is one more potentially guilty person in the room... - Mabel turned around, only to spin back and point at Emma - It was you! - Me? - Emma flinched - I was the one, who complained about lack of cookies! - Precisely! - Mabel spoke triumphantly - By drawing attention to it, you thought you could absolve yourself from any suspicions. You thought you could fool your own aunt, young lady, but alas! Your plan has been foiled... - Yeah, it has. Cos I wasn't even there.

Once again, Mabel has been thrown off balance by her suspect and looked at the cross-armed young girl.

- I've spent the whole day with you and aunt Pacifica! - she roared - We came late, I went to the kitchen and that's when I found out someone ate all the cookies. That was less than hour ago! - Well... looks like we have an impasse...

With a half-defeated expression on her face, Mabel turned around and began circling the family. And though her antics were over-the-top, every person in the room followed her, and listened to her words, as she clearly had an ace in the sleeve of her sweater.

- One of you have committed a heinous crime, yet no one of you would admit it... And this is why I brought this!

With a sudden turn, Mabel slammed something onto the coffee table, and only when she uncovered a box-like object, covered in vertical and horizontal labyrinthine-like patterns that began glowing as soon as light began shining on it. And while the kids were surprised and naturally gravitated towards it, Wendy and Dipper were utterly shocked.

- What the heck, Mabel? - Mabel! Where did you get it? - Oh, last time I was in California I might have visited a certain family that had magical connections... - Mabel smiled - And honestly, Star didn't really need this anymore, I mean last time they interrogated someone with it, and that was it... - Mabel, this is too much - Dipper interrupted her - This is Truth-Telling Box, I'm not gonna let you use it, especially with kids! This thing nearly destroyed those, who used it, because Star was too afraid to admit she has a crush on Marco! And honestly, I think you are making a mountain out of molehill. - Okay, enough!

Suddenly, Wendy's usually calm voice interrupts the quarrel that was about to engulf the twins. Mabel and Dipper looked at her, and after a while of uneasiness, Wendy spoke out, in a slightly quieter voice.

- Alright, I admit, it was me. - Whaaaat? - Emma and Tyrone exclaimed - You ate all the cookies? - But you said it yourself you don't like sweets that much. - Yeah... I usually don't...

Wendy looked away for a moment, and the rest watched as her cheeks turn crimson almost matching her auburn hair, while her lips curl into a soft smile.

- But you didn't notice the pickled jalapeños were missing as well.

She looked at Dipper, and as she spoke, his eyes grow wide and he dashed towards her, embracing her with a tight, long hug.

- Why didn't you tell me sooner? - he asked with a tears in his eyes - I wanted to be a surprise, especially for kids, you dork.

When he let her go, Mabel joined them with an even more expressive and tear-filled hug, leaving the two kids utterly dumbfounded.

- Uh, can anyone explain us what is going on? - Emma exclaimed - And why jalapeños are important all of a sudden?

The three adult chuckled, and Wendy reached to embrace her two kids, giving each of them a soothing kiss.

- You see, it's a bit of an old wives' tale, but it is sometimes true. If a woman has sudden taste swings, it's a sign she might be pregnant...

Only now, the siblings exchanged stunned looks and swarmed their mother, exchanging cries of joy. The two spoke over each other, asking if their mother knew if it was a boy or a girl, and already coming up with names, while Wendy tried to calm them down.

- Alright, alright, kids, it's still a long time until we get a new Pine in our tree. - she chuckled - Why don't we start planning on the details tomorrow, huh?

She turned towards Mabel and Dipper, watching her with the kids still by her side.

- And yeah, sorry for not telling you. - That's alright, that kind of surprises are the sweetest.

Dipper reached and kissed his wife, a gesture that for once did not result with their children sounding like they were about to puke. Dipper broke off the kiss and waved at Mabel, so she could join the enormous Pine hug-pile, and she eagerly jumped into the mix, enjoying the warmth and comfort of her extended family. At least until Dipper spoke out.

- Seriously, though, Mabel, what the heck was with bringing a MAGIC ARTIFACT to find missing cookies? - Oh, relax, don;t act like you haven't done something equally weird. - THAT IS TRUTH - spoke the Truth-Telling Box.

#Wendip #nautiscaraderfics #wendip week 2020

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andrewmoocow · 6 years ago

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Fooly Falls 2 chapter 4: Mechanica Melody (originally posted on April 19, 2019)

AN: We're getting close to the end everyone! Though unfortunately just like the previous three chapters, real life might get in the way of the story, but I still really hope I can get this out during spring break. Anyway, here comes Chapter 4 to really turn this summer on its head and send everything straight down to Hell from here on out. ZKHQ D OLWWOH JLUO QRUPDOOB GRZQKHDUWHG VXGGHQOB JHWV D FKHHUIXO DFW VWDUWHG, KHU IDPLOB DQG IULHQGV WUB WR VDYH WKH GDB EXW VRRQ HYHUBWKLQJ ZLOO ORVH WKHLU ZDB.

A suddenly more cheerful Gwen began skipping down the street to the shock of passerby's who were so used to seeing a frown on her face, which was now replaced with a big goofy smile. "If you ask us, I have a feeling it must be puberty kicking in early. It can do crazy thing with your emotions!" Juan theorized while he and Jorge were being interviewed, and his brother agreed with a nod. "When we came back from the island, I was kinda freaked out by how she was acting." Wendy explained worriedly. "Last time I saw her this perky was before she got that weirdo hat of hers. But hey, at least she looks positively adorable when she's happy!" "Whoa, it's a chopper! GET TO THE CHOPPAH!" Gwen peppily exclaimed spotting a helicopter hovering over her. "The whole world is turning upside down, I can just feel it!" "I'm so pissed off, I can't stand it!" Haruko snarled in frustration stomping her foot. "And it's all because of that shitty hat!" "It's an emergency measure installed by Medical Mechanica. The change in personality is most likely a side-effect." Jinyu remarked. "Or so Jinyu, Dipper and I have guessed. We cannot know for certain, unless we can head to the source." Ford added adjusting his glasses. "What do you think, does doing this with my glasses make me look cool?" "Oh, the iron!" Gwen chirped spying the abandoned Medical Mechanica plant towering over the town. "Also known as the WORLD SMOOTHER!" "I don't know which is more bizarre, this or the mutant raccoon that moved in with Ezra & Candy." Leia commented. "Last I heard from them, Ezra didn't want to show his face in public after Bawuu murdered a baby squirrel by chopping down a tree for literally no reason." With a loud cackle, the little girl kicked down the entrance to the Mystery Shack and loudly greeted her friends. "HOW DO YOU DO FELLOW KIDS?!" she hollered. "HEEEEERE'S GWENNIE, HERE TO START THE DAY!" "As much as I like Gwen not being so down in the dumps all the time, I'm supposed to be the fun & cute twin!" Tyrone exclaimed. "That is not Gwen, I can feel it." Arnold added. "Starting today, we're all getting to the bottom of this and saving my daughter." Dipper declared. "No matter the cost." Gwen giggled in a somewhat creepy fashion while the bobble of her hat glowed dimly, to the unease of her friends while Arnold & Tyrone gazed out the window to spy on Medical Mechanica.

Later that day in the living room while a group of hippies chanted "Furi kuri, furi kura! Furi kuri, furi KURA!", Dipper begged Haruko to assist them. "Please Haruko, you have to help us here!" he shouted but the Vespa Woman had her head turned away. "Oh please, this was all Arnie's fault he didn't remove the headphones like I asked him to." she stated. "Well you're at fault as well for even touching her!" "Enough arguing you two!" Stan exclaimed beating them both with his cane. "We gotta find Gwen quick. I do not wanna know what untold madness will come from her being too happy." "Stanley is right, you're both wasting precious time that we don't have." Jinyu responded stepping into the sitting room with the rest of the crew in tow. "You know what you need to do, so do it." she declared boldly despite still wearing her maid uniform. "I think she might have a maid fetish." Ian whispered. "Medical Mechanica." the maid continued. "That is where we'll remove it." Haruko responded with a thumbs up while Dipper got excited at the thought of the madness finally ending. "And then we can chase him together." The thumbs up immediately became a thumbs down. "We don't have any more options. Although they've tried to kill us and destroy the town in the past, they're our last hope." Ford announced just as someone knocked on the door. "Can someone answer that please?" "Allow me. But if it's PETA again, I'll just say the town is outta animals for them to kill." Stan answered wheeling up the the door and answering it, discovering a man in a suit and glasses on the other side. "You must be Stanford's brother. May I come in?" "What are you, a cop?" Stanley rudely asked before attempting to slam the door on the man, but oddly enough he managed to sneak his foot through mid-shutting. "Ow." "Is that you Kanda? What brings you here?" Ford asked shoving his brother out of the way to reopen the door. "So you plan on going up against the Big M, eh?" Kanda asked stepping into the house. "Well, I think this might be a good time for me to shine." "Hark, is that you I hear Kanda?!" Haruko chirped randomly appearing between the Stan brothers. "Wait, you know each other?" Dipper exclaimed. "I suppose it's time to let the cat out of the bag." Ford sighed. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet Tsukata Kanda. He's a new friend of mine that I've met in Little Asia a while back. He claims that he does have history with Haruko and-" "How badly did she emasculate you?" Dipper bluntly asked. "Maliciously." Kanda replied just as matter of factly pulling out his squirt gun. "Now as I was saying, help me help you Pines family." "Pretty sure you're saying that wrong." Mabel remarked. "Want some coffee?" she asked handing him a mug of joe. "I'd very much appreciate that Mrs. Pines." Kanda replied taking the mug before he accidentally dropped it, spilling the caffeine all over his foot. "My word, I am terribly sorry! Just a bit of a klutz, I'll help you clean up!" "No need right now sir, we've got a friend to save." Ian interrupted Tsukata. "Speaking of which, where did Gwen run off to anyway?"

"A theme park? Perhaps this could be a chance to see what it's like being a child my age." Imelda muttered gazing at a help wanted poster in her hands for a new amusement park. She was so absorbed in the poster that she didn't pay attention when she nearly bumped into Gwen drawing all over the window of an abandoned furniture store. "My word Gwen, what are you doing?!" "It's all done!" Gwen chirped in response marveling at her marker-on-glass masterpiece. Imelda contemplated the meaning of the bright colors and the bizarre imagery. "Quite impressive my friend." the second Ramirez daughter applauded her older friend. "In a single word, it's a song!" Gwen cheered twirling around. "What kind of song?" Imelda wondered. "Carmen, Beethoven, Mozart, Skrillex?" "That'sa right-o!" Gwen stated beaming. "In space, no one can hear you sing! But the stars spin and spin and they spin around and around and they sing together!" The Pines daughter ran off merrily leaving the seven-year-old to contemplate what she just said. "Song of the stars, eh? My word, the park!"

A man in a goofy vulture mascot costume watched as a helicopter lowered a new attraction for his park before him while two children ran on by. "Check it out, they're putting in a new ride!" the first youth said excitedly. "That's awesome!" the second added just as amazed. When the clock struck three, Aiko interrupted her date with a third boy to get her pay. "Time's up, now pay up." The boy complied handing Aiko an envelope that she fished through. "Nice doing business with you." she said handing the boy a statue of a bear with a fish in its mouth. "Did I just buy this?" the boy wondered as Aiko began to walk off. "Maybe. Til the next time you need my services." The helicopter pulled the tarp off its cargo unveiling a viking ship ride, to the two boys' disappointment. "It's just a viking ride." the first stated. "That's lame, let's go home." the second replied and the two walked away as Imelda ran up to the vulture. "Excuse me, are you the individual running this establishment?" "Why yes little one, my name's Tonkichi!" the proprietor of the park answered politely pulling off his costume head to meet Imelda's gaze. "I see you're here about the job opening? And at such a young age too!" "Yes. I'd like to learn about what it's like to be a child my age." Imelda responded. "Well you're just in time young lady, cause a new ride just came!" Tonkichi announced presenting to her the viking ride. "This is going to be our new main attraction!" Across town at Masurao's house, he was being confronted by Eyepatch while the remains of a certain Medical Machine was crucified behind them. "You can't find it?!" Eyepatch shouted. "Well stop acting like a child and keep looking around!" "Well I've already checked everywhere but I still can't find it!" Masurao fired back. "What the hell kinda moron would lose something as a flower pot?" Eyepatch muttered in thought. "Can't you just make another one?" his subordinate suggested. "It's a one of a kind thing made from this guy's parts." Eyepatch stated gesturing to Canti. "There's no way we can make another one, not with our technology!" "Oh man. By the way, have you seen a carved bear anywhere?" Masurao inquired. "You're such a-that's not important!" his superior growled impatiently. "What's important is the flower pot!" "I'm home homies." Aiko muttered walking into her home while her father was speaking with Eyepatch. "We're supposed to use it to monitor-" the other man began. "Yeah, I know! We're supposed to reverse the N.O current!" Aiko's dad interrupted him. His daughter got suspicious of her father's activity and listened in on the conversation. "If we hypothesize that N.O is a power that can pull objects from elsewhere, then-" "I see." Eyepatch observed. "Then it stands to reason we should reverse the direction!" Aiko immediately got suspicious and opened the door to the living room and within mere seconds, it looked completely normal. She groaned as she turned her gaze to find her dad pretending to receive boxing lessons. "What are you guys doing?" "Oh hey Aiko, welcome home!" Masurao nervously greeted his daughter while Eyepatch's jaw dropped at the sight of her. "Oh my, you're just the type! Look at those fists!" he exclaimed marveling at her hands. "You let that champion inside again?" Aiko snarked about the older man. "What do you say squirt?!" Eyepatch cried. "We could take over the world together, you'll be eating lightning and crapping thunder before you know it!" In response, Aiko just kneed him in the stomach. "She's a lot like the other one, packing a punch like a shooting star!" Eyepatch declared falling to the ground. "The neighbors keep whispering about why you're always inviting a homeless man inside!" Aiko scolded her father, who simply replied with a demure "I'm so sorry." "Your dad didn't do nuttin' wrong sweetheart! Your dad's..." Eyepatch defended before Aiko's glare made him drop his guard as well. "A champ." He then handed her a few tickets to the amusement park. "Here. Would you forgive us if I hand you these puppies?" "You're always trying to give me these comp tickets as a way to get on my good side." Aiko scoffed. "Just where the hell are you getting these anyway?" Her question made the two men stutter nervously. "I'd rather have a day pass to the Gravity Falls spa or some resort in Portland." she continued. "I know that amusement park has a new ride, but it's just a stupid viking ship." Her comment about the viking ship made the duo groan in shock. "It was installed?!" Masurao cried. "It was the viking ship? You sure?!" Eyepatch added just as horrified. "Yeah. So?" Aiko answered beginning to get confused at what they were on about. "Hey, they finally did it." the capped man muttered. "Yep, and we're all screwed." the fake champion added and they both started panting & sweating in fear. "What are you talking about?" Aiko wondered just about to close the door on them. "Oh hey Aiko, have you seen that carved bear?" Masurao asked but she was already gone.

Back with Imelda, she had taken her seat on the viking ride. "I really appreciate you taking time out of your schedule to test this out." Tonkichi said gratefully. "Thank you very much Mr. Tonkichi. Riding on theme park rides are what children my age do, correct?" Imelda asked just as the old man plugged a wire into the helmet she was wearing. "That's right little lady, plus you get extra pay." Tonkichi replied. "What for?" "Oh, just a gift for the fam." Imelda continued.

Gwen continued merrily skipping about town with a big goofy grin on her face. "A dream, a dream!" she exclaimed. "What is the reason we dream? Is it because it is called a dream?" the girl contemplated. "There are dreams when we sleep, and dreams when we're awake! We dream whether we're sleeping or awake!" While Gwen frolicked about, Jinyu spied on her from her car with Haruko, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Ford, Kanda, Tyrone, Arnold, Ian, Leia, Juan, Jorge, Wendy & Soos alongside her. The fifteen of them silently nodded to one another. "Let's go." Jinyu commanded kickstarting the Bel-Air.

"Look here!" Jinyu stated earlier that day discussing their plan in the living room while the hippies continued harmonizing. "That hat will be quite hard to remove as it's too deep inside Gwen's head." "The reason why she's behaving in this fashion is because of the bizarre radiowaves her cap is receiving straight from Medical Mechanica." Ford added. "Bizarre radiowaves!" Haruko wearing a goofy hat that showed a checkmark & Dipper repeated in unison. "To get her back to normal, we'll have to eliminate both the receptor and transmission source." Tsukata explained further. "Our plan is to split up into groups of three, two to go inside, two staying out and one to find Gwen." "Raharu, Ian & Soos will destroy the outer antenna." Julia stated to the aforementioned trio. "You can count on us Jinyu, as long as it'll get Gwen back." Ian approved of the plan while Haruko let out a half-hearted "Aye aye." while her hat put up an X sign. "Wendy, Juan & Jorge will provide cover for us in case of any outside interference." Ford added. "As for you Arnold, you're assigned along with Tyrone & Leia to find and capture your cousin before we leave for Medical Mechanica." Arnold blushed at the thought of such an important task while Tyrone slapped a hand on his back. "Don't sweat it! This'll be a great chance for Arnold to grow as a man!" "And lastly, Dipper, Mabel & Stan shall accompany Julia, Kanda and I in infiltrating the factory." Ford finished much to Raharu's ire. "Hey, that should be my job!" she exclaimed. "There is no way we're leaving you with Gwen at all!" Dipper rebuked. "Now keep quiet, cause we got a job to do!"

Gwen continued on her merry way with a big laugh until she found a statue of Petra the Pterodactyl singing her famous song with a crudely made "free hugs" sign next to her. "I appreciate you, you appreciate me." a poor recording of a woman's voice sang. "Let's appreciate everybody." "I appreciate you too Petra!" Gwen squealed with childlike delight offering the Petra statue a hug. What she didn't know was that she was now glued to the statue and it was chained to Jinyu's Bel-Air. Tyrone appeared with a big stupid grin on his face as he held up a sign saying "Oldest trick in the book!" followed by another sign saying "What a maroon!" With a hearty meep-meep, he cued the car to pull the statue off its support and fly toward the plant. Imelda on the other hand remained at the carnival testing out the viking ride while Tonkichi watched, and she was not having a good time. "Here we go!" Tonkichi declared pressing a red button that made the boat turn upside down to her shock and displeasure. "I just realized that I've made a huge mistake!" the little girl hollered as the ride made her head grind against the machinery. "That little girl is a great sport."

At last the Bel-Air made it to the roof of the giant iron and the party immediately alighted from it to gaze at the giant handle. "Everyone know your positions?" Kanda asked the rest and they nodded their heads. "Time to go." Jinyu declared. "Yeah, but from where?" Haruko asked. "You tell me." Dipper answered. "Uhhhh..." The Pines and guitar players remained dead silent before they began to argue amongst themselves. "You two don't have a plan and you're bossing us around?!" Haruko shouted hotly. "We have to figure this out together whether you like it or not!" Jinyu replied just as angrily. "Now be useful!" "Shut up! I don't take orders from you!" Raharu snarled. "Girls girls, please. Why don't we try the easy way in and just bomb it all?" Stan offered a solution. "And risk Medical Mechanica hunting us down? That's way too risky!" Ford repealed the idea. "It may have dire consequences, but the easiest way is usually the most successful!" Mabel supported her greedy great-uncle. "That's not helping at all Mabel!" Dipper fired back. "We need to think of something using what we have!" "Good grief, sometimes I wonder why I bothered taking that call." Kanda muttered leaning against the car to light a cigarette. "We're getting nowhere at this rate." Arnold moaned in defeat. "Who knows, change can be a good thing. Maybe we can accept this new Gwen and move on like the old one never went away." Tyrone stated optimistically when he noticed something familiar behind his feet. "Hey, isn't that Aiko's flower?" "Oh, what a pretty treasure!" Gwen chirped in delight picking up the pot. "No, don't touch that! Aiko paid a very high price for it and she'd kill me if anything happened!" Juan exclaimed frantically. "Really high? REALLY HIGH!" Gwen responded tossing the pot into the air. When it landed on Arnold's head, a purple force began glowing on his forehead. "Why can't you just get it?!" Julia yelled with Haruhara's back to her. "It doesn't...it doesn't want you!" Her other half's words prompted a glare from Haruko before Dipper spoke up. "Take it from me. I've had a crush on Wendy when I was a kid and over that summer, I learned you just can't force someone to love y-what is going on?" he began to relate his own experiences with love just as Arnold's forehead began acting up and sucked him in. "OH MOTHER-" "What did you do?! Arnold!" Jinyu shouted as the portal proceeded to swallow her, Haruko and the rest of the Pines. "You're an idiot cause you do idiotic things!" Haruko added as her final words before she was consumed by the forehead as well. "Mommy!" Arnold screamed for his mother. "Dad, no!" Tyrone added just as shocked.

Elsewhere back with Masurao, he had Canti tied up in cardboard and tape. "We have to do this because it's evidence. But I do feel a bit bad." Eyepatch stated solemnly. "Yeah. Because of this guy here, we were able to make tons of progress on the research." Masurao agreed. "Or rather, with what's left of him that is." "So true." the older man sighed in mourning. "The owner of this shell isn't a living creature, at least not in our sense of the word. It's almost like a larger being stuck between creature and planet." the redhead observed. "The planet is quite big of course." Eyepatch responded with a scratch of his head. "And that's why its cycle lasts years at a time." Masurao continued before his monitors started beeping. Rushing over to them, he made a shocking discovery. "What is it?" Eyepatch asked. "It's the flower pot!" Masurao exclaimed. "You mean the one you lost?" Eyepatch snarked. "It's moving!" his subordinate realized. "And that thing only reacts to N.O!" "That means it must've opened." Eyepatch deduced. "Hopefully Tsu knows what's up." "They actually got a hold of the flower pot!" Masurao continued panicking. "And it's in reverse flow!"

Arnold stood perfectly in place with the pot in his hands while the others watched in shock over what has happened. "W-what just happened?" "They all went inside your head!" Gwen cackled merrily creeping her relatives out even more. "What happened to you sis?" Tyrone asked begging for the big sister he knew to come back. "I'm the only one between us who's supposed to be that hyper." "Only one? But I've always been like this." Tyrone's sister revealed merrily. "Always?" Tyrone answered in shock. "Then again, her aunt is Mabel Pines." Wendy snarked. "To be honest, for as long as I can remember." Gwen explained just as the car engine went off and soared to the top of the Medical Mechanica plant.

"Can you all just shut up? You're turning into a bunch of broken records at this point." Haruko complained while she, Jinyu and the Pines ascended a seemingly unending flight of stairs within the factory. "Why can't you understand?" Julia groaned in irritation. "That is not what he wants, all right?" "Ha! Funny how you think you know him so well!" Haruko scoffed ignoring her words. "I barely know a thing about the big guy myself, but like I said; you can't force someone to love you!" Dipper reiterated hauling Stan's wheelchair on his back. "Now can someone give me some help? Stan is remarkably heavy for someone so old." "Well I do care." Jinyu continued in the midst of Dipper's struggling. "If you say that again, I'm gonna kill you." Haruko threatened her. "Please you two, why not just live and let live like I said before?" Mabel tried to ease the tension between the pair of women. "Don't bother getting involved Mabel, Jinyu is objectively right because she's a morally better person." Stan cut her off. "He needs to have his freedom." Jinyu continued. "Anyone who tries to keep him tied down is my enemy. Medical Mechanica, and even you." "If I may throw my few cents into the ring, Jinyu is trying to say he just-" Ford tried to interject, but was cut off by Haruko slamming the wall. "Shut up! I'm sick of hearing you talking about him Jinyu, and I'm sick of you guys trying to take her side! When I want something, I get it!" she hissed. "I'll do what I need to make sure he sees me!" "We aren't taking sides here, you're just acting like a spoiled child just because you want bird dick!" Ford argued, immediately regretting what disgusting thing he just said. "He's right. And you're going to fail." Jinyu agreed and Raharu just hissed again. "I understand everything. I understand him. And them, and you too." "How dare you say that." Haruko eerily stated. "I will keep on saying it!" Julia declared. "You need to join me Raharu! You're me after all!" Haruko just gritted her teeth with an angry glare and turned away to adjust her goggles. "Fine." "Raharu. You finally get it!" Jinyu beamed. "Together, I know we can-" "I am gonna devour you."

The Bel-Air roared to the very top of the Medical Mechanica factory with its passengers bracing for impact. When it finally skidded to a stop, Arnold was lying down on the floor with the flower pot by his side. "Gwen? Gwen, where are you?!" he called for his cousin. "GWEEN!" As fast as he could get up, he found Gwen dancing along the edge of the handle with a calm smile on her face. "Gwen?" "Dudes, you do realize she's dancing on the brim of a very high place, right?" Soos pointed out awkwardly. "No way!" Wendy exclaimed while her daughter observed the town below. "Young lady, please get away from there this instant!" "I can see everything!" Gwen chirped excitedly gazing into the distance. "Where is the-da-discuh-my father?!" she exclaimed. "Dude, he's in his head! Did you not get the memo?!" Ian screamed dramatically pointing to Arnold's scalp. "I don't have a mother either." the girl added to everyone's shock. "G-G-Gwennie?" Wendy muttered cupping her mouth in shock. "She doesn't understand how I feel. But then again, no one does!" Gwen continued. "I'm just a complete enigma!" "I-is this her true thoughts?" Kanda observed in wonder. "If everything's destroyed, we can just start all over!" Gwen contemplated. "For one, Mommy will no longer have to worry about me, Daddy will come home, Tyrone will still be his same old self and Arnold will grow a pair! If today was an ordinary day like yesterday, that would've been oh so nice!" With a loud sigh, Gwen fell down forward and in a panic, her family rushed to rescue her. Arnold managed to cling onto her arm at the last moment before fate had other plans for him. His cousin continued giggling and performed a pirouette that switched their places, her back on solid ground & Arnold clinging onto dear life. "Someone, save me!" "No, I think you can do it manliness grasshopper!" Juan exclaimed. "Yeah! We know you can make it back by yourself! Just try as hard as you can, and if you fall that's too bad!" Jorge added, which finally made Arnold lose it. "SO WHAT, YOU'RE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT MY MANLINESS THAN MY OWN MORTALITY?! I AM LITERALLY ON THE VERGE OF DEATH HERE AND ALL YOU'RE DOING IS HAZING ME!" "Don't worry little dude, I got your back!" Ian shouted grabbing the boy's arm and pulling him back up. "There you go Arnie. Now how do you feel?" he asked Arnold. "Exhilarated and testy." Arnold replied tepidly. "And like I said, there's more to manliness than endangering the lives of others." "I don't need anything special. But the anger, the sadness, the misery, the hatred. I just don't want to think about it anymore." Gwen announced holding onto her hat with a cute smile. "And so, that's why this hat looks great!"

Inside the factory, Haruha & Julia clashed once more while the Pines struggled to find cover from their fighting. "We have to find a way out, now!" Dipper screamed lighting four cigarettes in his mouth. "Not until we discuss your recent smoking habit! Aren't you the least bit concerned about your health?!" Ford hollered back. "It helps me de-stress, get your priorities straight Ford!" the great-nephew screamed again. "Now what can we do now?!" "Stop it! Raharu!" Jinyu cried landing on the metal brain-like structure before Haruko rocketed forward with bass in hand. Ford attempted to cover for his guitar-playing friend with a few shots from the magnet gun labeled "Carry at all times! Can't be too careful" he kept in his coat, but it was too late. The Vespa Woman slammed her bat down and made the brain explode in bright colors.

Back outside, the rest of the crew were just about ready to leave without the Pines, the Vespa Woman or her other half when the ground started shaking and Gwen collapsed in pain. "Sis, no!" Tyrone cried while his older sister screamed & cried in agony while her beanie began its most violent vibration thus far. "That's not good!" Tsukata gasped before the siren went off. "That's not good at all!" Imelda remained on the viking ride screaming as it spun in high speeds. "What's going on?" Tonkichi wondered looking around the operating booth before noticing a siren going off. The helmet on Imelda's head then began to crack. "Please sweetheart, answer us!" Wendy cried for her child before she let out one last scream and the hat just popped off her head. The girl fell unconscious in her mother's warm embrace while the hat drifted to Leia's feet. "Jackpot, we got 'em off!" she cheered pulling out a lighter from her pocket. "Now let's burn this thing and close this story for good!" "I don't think we're done yet. Look!" Soos exclaimed pointing at Gwen who was now on the verge of tears. "Someone help me! I think I'm going to overflow!" she sobbed. "I'm going to overflow! I'm going to-" "What in God's name is she talking about?!" Wendy shouted at Kanda finally having enough of things. "It means she's going to release N.O energy! Brace yourselves!" the agent cautioned shielding himself from potential danger, commanding everybody else to do the same. "I'm going to overflow! I'm going to overflow!" Gwen repeated shakily and let out an even louder scream than before, causing a single blue arm to burst through her head along with Dipper, Mabel and the Stans finally escaping. "Woo, that's the second craziest headcase I've seen in my life." Stanley commented rubbing his butt. "Now what did we miss?" "The-the world is turning inside out!" Gwen sobbed once more seeing images of a gloved hand breaking free from the chains holding some creature. She was lifted up into the air before the arm grabbed her face, pulling its owner out to reveal herself as Jinyu with a firecracker in her mouth. Suddenly another red arm, no doubt belonging to Haruko, grabbed Jinyu's own face and tried to push her back down. As the conflict continued, more visions appeared of Jinyu bursting from Haruko followed by scarlet wings emerging from her head. With that, the two broke free and clashed leaving Gwen to fall from the sky. "What is even happening right now?" Tyrone asked his younger great great-uncle. "This has to be N.O!" Ford analyzed. "When we managed to get inside the factory through the channel in your sister's forehead, Jinyu made some choice words that got Raharu mad and she smacked this giant brain thing that led to us breaking out!" "Well what're you waitin' for Sixer? Shoot her down!" Stan commanded his brother snatching the magnet gun and handing it to him. Behind their backs, Gwen landed back in the Bel-Air. Masurao and Eyepatch rushed outside to see what was up. "I can't believe it! Could it be the Pirate-" Eyepatch began before he was cut off once more. "It can't be, but that power definitely is!" Masurao answered frantically. "Oh my, it's begun!" Tonkichi declared peeping out the window. Imelda just kept on screaming and reminisced on running into Gwen while she was drawing on the window. "JANE, STOP THIS CRAZY THING!" she belted out a complete non-sequitur while a bamboo shoot spawned from her head and she was sent flying off the ride toward the factory. "What do we do now?!" Tyrone asked not knowing how they will survive this. "Why the smartest thing to do in a situation like this," Stan answered before his wheelchair turned and skidded away. "NIGURENDAYO!" Stan however was stopped in his tracks when he found Gwen in Jinyu's car about to drive over the edge of the giant iron as it was tilted backward by the bamboo shoot erupting from Imelda's forehead. The bulbs on her head burst and set free a small robot that raced up the stalk. "What is going on down there?!" Dipper cried before spotting his daughter in the car about to fall off the iron and panicked. Haruko let out a mighty scream as guitars clashed. "Cut it out Raharu!" Jinyu yelled trying to talk some sense into her other half. "Shut up! And your sunglasses are lame!" Haruko howled knocking the other woman back and chasing after her. The little bamboo shoot robot spotted the Vespa Woman and stuck out its little eyeball to put up a shield. When the girl tried to attack, the shield instead gave her a shock that blew her away. "How dare you?!" "GWEEEEEN!" the other Pines screamed together chasing after the Bel-Air while it rolled down the roof of the iron. They began to form a human chain that would try and stop the car from running away but unfortunately, they crashed into a support beam while the vehicle careened off the edge and towards the ground. "Gwen, no!" Dipper cried racing off the edge even though his face was badly injured. As for the little machine, it began firing at the two guitar players while they were still fighting. "Give up Raharu!" Jinyu screamed while Ford once again attempted to fire his magnet gun at Haruko. Dipper continued to dive after his daughter when she finally came to and spotted him. "Papa, no!" Gwen quickly took her dad's hand and dragged him into the backseat with her. "I am so glad you're okay pumpkin, now we gotta save the others!" Dipper shouted preparing to take the wheel until he realized they were already mere moments from crashing. Suddenly Jinyu came soaring in and picked the vehicle up before fetching the rest from the Medical Mechanica factory. "Thank you Jinyu! You're a real lifesaver!" Stan exclaimed spotting the Jazzmaster woman lifting her sedan in the air by just a hand. "You'd better not let your guard down!" Haruko exclaimed charging even faster at Jinyu, managing to dodge the little machine firing at her along the way, and attacked in a way that made the Bel-Air fall from her grasp. "Stop it, Raharu!" "No way Lame Glasses!" Raharu hissed beating Jinyu down to the ground. "Are you okay?!" Ford exclaimed in worry before Stanley grabbed the magnet gun. "Okay, that's it!" he shouted. "Everybody but me has gotten a chance to maim her this entire story, and I'm not about to waste my chance giving her the karma she deserves!" "Stanley you idiot, give that back!" Stanford shouted trying to wrestle his makeshift weapon out of the con-artist's hands. "I NEED MY GODDAMN NICOTINE!" Dipper shrieked about to light up another one in the heat of the moment when Haruko finally grabbed the convertible and tossed it toward the little robot, ultimately destroying it and making the bamboo crumble. Smoke began billowing from the tilting factory as Jinyu returned in the nick of time to save the two families from certain doom. "I know it's great that she saved us, but what about the factory?" Ian wondered pointing back to the falling iron. "It's tipping over!" Kanda exclaimed just as Haruko returned with a vengeance and with one fell swoop, it was all over. The iron now sat perfectly on its back following an explosion. The firecracker in Jinyu's mouth fell out. And there was a large hole in her chest where she was struck. "The plant..." Eyepatch gasped. "Stood up?!" Masurao added in shock. When the Bel-Air crashed and the Pines fell out, Haruko stood atop the wreckage of the robot with Jinyu in a chokehold while her white guitar was planted in the ground. "Jinyu. No." Ford muttered in utter speechlessness. "R-Raharu..." Jinyu croaked defeatedly. "I just wanted for him to have his freedom. I love him. That's why. I want him to be free from us." "You don't get it, no." Haruko remarked coldly. "Everything has always belonged to him, right from the very beginning. His shackles and his freedom. There isn't anything in this world that doesn't belong to him. Nothing." she monologued before pulling down her goggles with a smile. "That settles it. So we're not the same after all." "I guess so." Jinyu responded hoarsely in a dignified matter. "Perhaps, you're right." "Come with me Jinyu." Haruko serenely offered her. "We can finally be together." With that, Haruko morphed into a wasplike creature, fitting her moniker as the Vespa Woman, and swallowed Jinyu whole with only her glasses left behind while everybody watched in sheer terror. When the biker morphed into her now pink-haired humanoid self, she snatched the glasses from the air and put them on with a smirk followed by an evil chuckle. When Gwen looked down on the ground to find her hat partially buried in the dirt before the woman touched down on the crashed Bel-Air. "Now, why don't you come with me as well Gwen?" Haruko offered the younger girl. Imelda burst from the wreckage to spot her siblings, father and friends facing Haruko with Jinyu nowhere in sight. "Uh, what did I miss?" "I get it. I finally understand now." Gwen announced. "I know what you want to do. And that's why," she bravely put her beanie back on. "I can't go with you!" Haruko just gazed down at the Pines girl before Stan came to her defense with ten guns attached to his wheelchair. "She's right Raharu. Either leave my family & my planet alone or else I'll make sure that when you die, you'll be all alone with no one at your funeral except me, pointing and laughing." All was silent once more and nothing would be the same ever again.

At long last, chapter 4 is completed and boy this was a big one! Not just in terms of how long it took, but in how much this changes everything. About Haruko's relationship with the Pines, about Gwen, Tyrone & Arnold's arcs and the wider universe. Join us next time for the penultimate chapter of this saga and if you'll excuse me, I've got another Gravity Falls crossover I've been sitting on for too long.

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