#❝ filed under — nia bailey.

[perikocak]

location: alvaro's

status: closed for @niaxbailey

“Hmm,” Peri’s date murmured, considering her with a stare over the side of his glass. “In that case, I guess it’s a good thing she couldn’t make it.”

Sorry, what?

She waited… and waited… and waited some more, but his mouth didn’t twitch. Not once did he break face and laugh. Not even a little bit. Either this guy missed his calling as an actor or he was being serious. 

No. Fuck no. She had to get out of there. 

“I just need to— you need to— Stay. Just stay. I’ll—” be leaving, thanks. Under any other circumstances she wouldn’t think twice about politely ending a date before their food even arrived, but this guy screamed five alarm fire and about a dozen red flags. 

Instead of finishing that sentence with the truth, or even a lie, she made sure to grab her purse and then headed for the hall she thought might lead to the bathroom. Make no mistake— she absolutely would crawl out a ten inch window set five feet high if she had to. 

Thankfully, the woman she nearly bulldozed right through upon rounding the corner spared her that fate. Peri didn’t know her from Eve, but she’d seen a few servers defer to her in a way that screamed upper management. 

“Listen, I will literally pay you for the food I didn’t eat and add on an extra twenty if you let me use your back exit.” To make good on that promise she hastily pulled her wallet from her bag. “That man out there? The one with the—” her hand, wallet and all, did a spastic circle around her own head to indicate some sort of rich boy hair swoop— “has not only called his mother, on speaker, twice since we arrived to ask her what I should order and if he liked Merlot or Cabernet more… but he just told me she was originally meant to join us all along.”

In case it wasn’t obvious, she whisper-hissed, “It’s only our first date!” But even calling it as much was being too generous considering all she really wanted out of the evening was a happy stomach and some ‘knock me out for a week’ sex. 

“Not to be dramatic—” she was absolutely being dramatic— “but if you don’t help me this is only going to end one of two ways.” Peri lifted her first finger for emphasis. “With me chained up in some Karen’s basement because Chad wanted a new toy—” up popped the second— “or with me doing twenty-five to life for utensil-ar homicide.”

She wished she was joking, but if she had to sit through one more minute of his debate between whether or not ‘Mother’ would approve of her nail length or decision to wear red she’d actually, probably, maybe stick a dessert fork through his eye. 

“I know you don’t know me, but I promise you I am not built for confinement. I basically break out in hives if I spend more than a few hours wearing pants.”

[perikocak]

"I think his profile pictures were staged," Peri whispered, not all that quietly.

It was undoubtedly the same person—all his physical characteristics were the same—but the man in the photos appeared far less... carbon copy of a Stepford Husband catalog model. Even then, peering around the other woman's shoulder to spy on where he sat, she couldn't reconcile the two versions.

After such a disastrous first thirty minutes of their date she didn't care to.

"As much as I'd love that fifteen minutes of infamy I'd really rather not have today be that day, either." Which left her with two options, it seemed: flee out the back door and pray he didn't show up at Mari's airstream later, armed and ready with Karen in tow, or take her up on that offer of a meal so that at least she'd be well fed if it came to a fight for her life.

"Yeah?" Her eyes ping-ponged between the two before she settled on her escape route. Her savior, more like. "Okay, yeah." As if in agreement her stomach twisted with an angry, audible gurgle. Peri huffed a near silent laugh, admitting, "I could definitely still use something to eat. It's probably what I was looking forward to the most out of the night."

Startled shock and confusion melted into amusement in an instant, Nia having taken a steady step backward a second after the woman came barreling toward her. A carefully plucked brow quirked at Peri's rambling explanation and it took every fiber of her being to not immediately crack up. There was no attempt to hide the quiver of her lip, and Nia's smile pooled into a dimple. "I don't need a payoff," She assured. Her tone was mercilessly colored with humor. Curiosity got the best of her and heels clicked beneath her frame as the restaurant manager ducked around the corner to peer out into the bustling dining room. Searching for a glimpse of the man in question. "I was kinda hoping he at least looked like a Ken doll," but no. She was getting Rent-A-Boyfriend Hallmark movie vibes from the man, at best, and not in a good way. He was pretty but not pretty enough to suffer through constant questionable Mom talk. Eyes sparkling Nia turned back around to face Peri, "Don't worry. I'm not looking for Alvaro's to be featured in your very own episode of Snapped." All press is good press was a bald-faced lie in her opinion. "We've all had our fair share of duds." Though, maybe this one in particular was winning some impressive cringe awards. Nia's gaze swept past Peri down the hallway where a red 'exit' sign hung over a door. "You can bounce if you really want, but you don't have to." With a shrug, she shot a glimpse to the watch cinched to her wrist. She could spare some time. A pensive, musing hum nestled in her throat and Nia tapped a manicured nail against her chin. "If you wanted the dinner minus the creep, that could be arranged."