#✶ i am my own devastating god. › aesthetic.

[vitcria]

{ Tag Drop }

[demidritch]

tag drop!

[lakemojave]

Mojave's Top Ten Games of 2023 (3 of which actually came out this year)

I figured I should make a list like this at some point, but I didn't actually play many new games this year. Well, I played tons of games for the first time and loved so many of them, but few of them were new releases. At my current stage as a game critic, I'm playing a lot of catchup, trying to get context for current games, playing the classics and the seminal franchises of the medium. I do not have a game of the year pick. Even though I was behind the curve, I still wanna talk about the experiences that moved me this year.

Honorable mentions:

Baldur's Gate 3 (2023): One of the densest, fleshed out, satisfying narrative RPGs the gaming industry has seen in years. Immersive, well written and charming, no two people can have the same experience with this game because of how much variance and player choice is accounted for in the gameplay and script alike. It's for that reason it's not on the list though--not only have I not finished it, I'm also not doing it singleplayer, and am missing out on much of that juicy story content in favor of me and my group's meta-narrative.

Black Mesa (2020): The remake of the first half life is sharp, smooth, and immersive, combining what was visually and narratively compelling about Half Life 2 back into the original story. It has some of my favorite setpieces of the entire half life catalogue now, which is saying a lot. It's off the list in favor of the original.

Dead Space (2023): A triumphant return to the horrors of the Ishimura incident, with insidious twists to the game design and story that disrupt a fan's familiarity with the game world time again. It scared the fuck out of me so many times, but the bittersweet feeling I get thinking about the fate of the Dead Space franchise means RE4 gets its spot.

10. Oxenfree 2: Lost Signals (2023)

The long awaited sequel to 2016's Oxenfree caught me by surprise after playing the first game just before it. Playing the original teen horror, I'm struck by how grating some of the dialogue can be, how sophomoric and cheap it can feel without drinking deep of the content. What makes this version of teen horror so compelling, though, is that through sympathetic participation with Alex, you catch yourself from griping at the young characters for making foolish choices, which is very effective.

What's stunning about this sequel is that in the 7 year gap between games, it's not just the team and the audience that has matured, it's the writing all around. Your character, Riley, is in her early 30s, returning to her hometown and feeling very existential as she peers into the past, the future, and the unknown in between time and space. The world of Camena and Edwards Island is expanded on those lines, the thematic focus becomes resonant and emotionally devastating, and the dynamic with young characters, familiar or not, demonstrates how strong this second chapter to the oxenfree story really is.

9. Resident Evil 4 (2023)

Look. I love a horror game. 2005's Resident Evil 4 may be among the best of them, and it may be timeless in its own right, and it may be foundational to so many other games I love today, but god damn is this remake fun. With sharper visuals and atmosphere than the original, intricate new resource systems like knife durability and parries, and some updated character work, it's safe to say this is a categorically different game than the original. Plenty of material was cut from the main game, like the IT fight or the laser hallway, which found their way into the DRASTICALLY improved Separate Ways expansions, starring Ada Wong. It's not my favorite Resident Evil, and it's far from the scariest, but it's the one with Leon's spin kick, and there's nothing more satisfying than that.

I do maintain a lot of early gripes I had with the remake. When Resident Evil 8: Village came out in 2021, it borrowed a lot of mechanical, narrative, and aesthetic tropes from RE4, updating them to a new game in the wake of the remakes of RE2 and 3. Those remakes were truly transformational masterpieces, blending all of Resident Evil's best aspects to create new, distinct experiences. RE4, the original, didn't really need much updating, it's been ported to hell and back already and is so ubiquitous that there was no real need to bring it back into the zeitgeist. Nothing can really be gained by this remake except for a victory lap for Capcom.

Cynicism aside, FUCK YEAH, TWO CAKES!

8. Mass Effect (2006)

I should say that the version of Mass Effect I'm playing is not the one that came out in 2006. The Legendary edition does a bit of graphical and mechanical tweaks to update some of the dated aspects. That's kind of a shame, because the dated aspects are what's so fascinating about Mass Effect. Between Baldur's Gate 3, Disco Elysium, and now the early Fallout games, I find myself taken by classic CRPG design, which accommodates such a wide variety of player choice. Mass Effect doesn't have too much choice in it--the progression and ending are pretty much fixed from the beginning, you basically choose what flavor of the script that you want.

In that way, I like Mass Effect as a transitional piece--an attempt to bring the aspects of early CRPGS into the modern, console games market, with all the budget EA would give them. The writing and design are...satisfactory. The shooting could be more robust, the characters could have more personality, and to the series' credit those things do come about in Mass Effect 2 (which I'm sure I'll gush about when I finish it).

It's the presentation I love here. Mass Effect has maybe one of my favorite sci fi settings I've ever seen. A vast array of alien civilizations, a rich history filled with interesting lore, a competent portrayal of intergalactic politics, all delivered by characters that are deep and interesting. The voicework is also some of the best I've ever seen, and although there are many standouts, Jennifer Hale's Shepard is just tremendous. Actually playing Mass Effect may be a slog, completionist play might require some of the worst loot grinding I've ever seen, but that is all secondary to the way I was captivated by Mass Effect's version of the final frontier.

7. Half Life (1998)

I did a whole ass 5 hour video essay about Half Life, and I don't wanna belabor how much I like this game and series too much more. I loved Half life 2 and the portal games for years, but it was only for that project that I actually got around to playing this. It's a real bonafide classic, containing so many tropes of modern immersive action games WAY ahead of their time. The setting of Black Mesa is deep and engaging, the environmental storytelling is strong, and the voicework is natural and believable (for the most part.) Sometimes as a game critic I have to give some allowances to an older game for some of its jank and some of its rough edges, let myself see the thing just for what it is without all my modern hangups. I don't have to do that with Half Life like I do for other games. There's parts of it that are rough, like the Interloper and On a Rail chapters, but Half Life feels just as good to play now as it did 25 years ago.

6. Dredge (2023)

There's an old tumblr post that proposes a fishing game that's secretly a horror game. That post imagines a game that starts out normal and comfortable, but as the game goes on the player would catch stranger species of fish, soon finding monsters lurking in the deep and hidden secrets. It got a lot of peoples' imaginations going and engaged a lot of fan artists and even more comments riffing on this idea.

Dredge is that game. I was so gleefully surprised to see this game go through every single one of those steps in the first region alone. The game has a strong atmosphere and great art, leading to some real weird and nasty fish to catch and fill out the weird and spooky encyclopedia. Fishing at night gives you different and weirder fish, but it also raises your panic meter, which can cause hallucinations and open you up to monster attacks. It's a pretty ambiently scary game for the most part, and I almost chalked it up to being more horror themed than actual horror, until this one lagoon where a giant tentacle suddenly shot up at me out of a sudden drop in the ocean floor. I fuckin yelped, actually screamed in a way only two other games have gotten me to do this year.

5. Alien: Isolation (2014)

I have never, in my life, felt more powerless in a game than when I played Alien: Isolation. I'm used to games like Resident Evil, where you have a toolset for survival that is limited, but allows you to give actual pushback towards the zombies trying to get you. I played Amnesia: The Dark Descent this year too, the opposite of this dynamic, where you have NO means of resistance whatsoever, and the binary outcomes of monster encounters of that game completely broke my immersion.

Alien: Isolation actually gives you myriad crafted tools to overcome your obstacles, from human scavengers to androids to the xenomorph herself. Yet, the impossible speed and predatory senses of the monster means that one slip up means instant death, and the death animations are pretty brutal. Through cunning and cautious play, you can slip past the Alien enough times to where you get a flamethrower, which will repel her in a pinch. However, her AI is advanced to the point where she will learn your habits between deaths, look for you in lockers if you hide in them a lot, resist certain tricks like noisemaker bombs or flares. It's in keeping with how the 1979 movie presents her: a perfect killing machine. In fact, its the way so much of the Sevastopol resembles the aesthetic of that early film that not only helps the atmosphere, but makes the alien's power more believable. Immersive and terrifying, Alien: Isolation is a horror triumph.

4. Undertale (2015)

Yeah that's not actually a joke. I really did only play Undertale this year, and I was really actually completely blind going into it. Of all the games I'm happy I got to experience fresh, it was this one. Undertale seems tropey in its game design, story beats, and writing style 8 years later, but that's because so much of its design has been cannibalized by indie developers going after this aesthetic. As a bullet hell, it's...fine. As a meta commentary on retro RPGs and on the act of violence in video games in general, it's incredible. It legitimately gave me immense joy to reach the end and have my stubborn insistence on pacifism challenged even further, and then rewarded in the best possible way. I got to experience it on stream, too, with some friends who had played it previously and one who did not, and we all did the common thing and did funny voices for everybody. It's created some real cherished memories for me, memories that wouldn't have hit as hard if I did not wait to play Undertale.

3. Metal Gear Solid (1998)

Now here's a game I truly thought I'd never get around to. I'm a big fan of the Metal Gear series and when I learned that konami was releasing the master collection pack of the first 3 games, I was fuckin' stoked. If there's one other game that dictated the trajectory of storytelling and presentation of modern games like Half Life did, it's this one.

Having played the first two metal gears, the 2D ones from the late 80s, I was struck by how much of the basic design beats of Metal Gear come directly from the early titles. Seeing them translated into 3D is just incredible--all the prototypical stealth design transcribed so seamlessly into a much more legible visual language to me. The shooting may feel like ass and the bosses may have healthbars the size of Alaska, but the moment to moment sneaking in this game is so intricate and thorough that you really do feel like a tactical master as you go about it.

None of that touches on what's most memorable about Metal Gear Solid, and that's the presentational aspects. The animations and models might be worse than Half Life's, but the writing and voice acting is just world class. David Hayter as Snake, Cam Clarke as Liquid, Christopher Randolph as Otacon, and Patrick Zimmerman as Ocelot (hell even an early Jennifer Hale role) are astounding performances, even today. The cutscenes and dialogue are certainly oversaturated and long, but goddamn if I don't like watching and listening to them. I love this damn game.

2. Bloodborne (2015)

Bloodborne has been more of a myth and less of a game for me. I played some bits at a friend's house in 2017 and never owned a PS4 so I never thought playing it would be possible for me. I obsessively watched lore videos and playthroughs which got me into Dark Souls 3, then Sekiro, then Elden Ring, which has fueled much of my activity on twitch and as a game critic in general. It was only this year that that same friend lent me her PS4 and I played Bloodborne 3 whole times until I 100% the game in a matter of months. The experience was so meaningful to me that I ended up scrapping my first bloodborne video and starting from scratch, this time with Bloodborne Kart dev Lilith Walther as a guest.

I have never been more immersed in a game world than I have been in Bloodborne's. Yharnam is not only such a dense and intricate city, it is drop dead gorgeous in such a grotesque and macabre way. Many words and many writers have already described the surreal hypergothic smokescreen shrouding the insidious cosmic beings steering the terror and bloodshed from out of sight, so I won't repeat them here. You don't forget the sights and sounds of Bloodborne--they linger in your imagination, the visual language shapes your own ability to conceive of images and ideas in horror fiction, twisting the familiar into stranger shapes and forms.

Plus it just feels so fucking good to play. I like From Software titles and their style of combat, and I like how fast combat works in Sekiro and Elden Ring, but neither of those games accommodate brutality like Bloodborne does. You're meant to attack recklessly, cravenly, no blocking, just press the attack again and again until you're drenched in the gore and blood of your foes. You feel like one among the beasts--after all, what difference is there between a predator and the man that hunts them?

1. Signalis (2022)

I have not stopped thinking about Signalis since I played it the first time. The game is like a fucking honeypot for me. It's got Resident Evil style tank controls as an option, with similar combat and inventory management, themes and presentation similar to Silent Hill, and a sci fi flourish akin to Dead Space. So what, it's every great horror game jammed into one retro style amalgamation? Sounds like a great time for me!

That's just the surface, the hook of it all. While the game certainly uses this familiarity to pull you in and make you comfortable and excited for its own terrors, there's a creeping feeling of unease as you continue to revel in the horror and gore that's taken over these halls. Your character, Elster, is a special ops android in a fictional fascist regime, who has abandoned her post to search for her human partner, whose identity eludes her as she slips into delusion. After reaching the depths of the first area, where the space mine turns into a hall of flesh and viscera, the very walls pulsing and dripping, the world suddenly resets, and you find yourself back in the very first zone, now covered in the same blood and gore. The characters cry out in pain at you, begging you to stop, to turn back, to stop prolonging their hell with your own pursuit of an ending. A chalkboard in a classroom with a pretty frivolous note early on now reads "YOU'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE."

If I go on I'm gonna spoil the whole game, but that part there is the essence of Signalis to me. Many games will challenge your own enthusiasm for playing, question the time you spend in the game rather than like, going outside or something. Few games will actively blame you for prolonging the suffering of the game's inhabitants and creating a self contained digital hell. Few games will ask you "why do you want terror?" in the way that Signalis does.

Signalis is a triumph of horror game design. The imagery is horrifically cryptic, the worldbuilding is dense, the monster design and soundscapes are creepy and effective, the gameplay feels desperate and every bullet fired feels like a scream for help. Signalis is my favorite game I played this year, hands down.

[seasonschange32]

I'm trying to watch Athena P lore videos because god are they entertaining and so funny. But here's some shows/movies I would love a lore deep dive on and why:

Inspector gadget reboot - the 'romance' between penny and Talon was so confusing yet endearing. Also, loving how chief Quimby just Disguises himself just to give gadget a misson

Total drama - not only was it a huge fan of gross out humor and has our overlord chris mclain, it literally introduced me to the ' bad boy x good girl' trope before ripping it out and taking a character ( who was literally perfect with another) and forcing them together due to aesthetics.

Transformers: robots in Disguise ( 2015) or Transformers prime - two shows that have fanbases debating ( seriously), each saying why each respective show is better. But other than that, both are fine for what they are and gave me two crushes that I hold dearly.

Mia and me - a fairy show that's not only animated but live action? With the main character having an ability to talk to unicorns? And with one of her bullies DISCOVERING HER SECRET LIFE??

Ben and hollies little kingdom - super wholesome and I love how the humans coinside with the fairies

Max and ruby - there's a tiktoker who made a whole series on why ruby was annoying. Need I say more?

Trollhunters and the spin off 3below - honestly from what I remember, I loved the stakes of the show and how cool the Armour the main character had. Regarding the spin off, loving how the bully I think was into the alien girl

Max steel ( not the 2000s one. sorry) - Max having to come up with the most unbelievable excuses as to why he has to go is cliche but also kind of funny? And the fact that the company Max's dad works for has lore as well is kind of interesting

Dino squad - I actually remembered this show through a cringe compilation of all things and had to add it. From the theme song, to the plotines, to the fact that I had a crush on Laruzo even though he was obviously queer coded ( his Dino form was cool though)

Jem and the holograms - the I am a giant song from the misfits lives in my head rent free. Also, jem practicing trying to reveal to that one guy only from him to yell at her is funny to me

Lolirock - same with jem as revolution is iconic as well as the villians. Plus, why is was eventually taken off

The tinker bell movies - forgot I was supposed to mention movies as well ( sorry). But I love them and how the fairies each have their own abilities ( as well as different kinds). From pirate fairies to winter fairies, it's really cool.

Barbie: a fashion fairytale - I love all barbie movies equally but this...this just takes the cake. What other movie will you see ken making a child cry, fairies with attitude, rotting dresses, and a roller skating aunt?

Zoom (2015) - the trailer showing a scene of the main character and her character arguing is honestly what made me want to watch it ( I haven't but I'm planning on it)

Super hero squad - kid me was laughing my butt off when falcon married his bird. So...

The little prince movie - I didn't even read the book but when I saw that the old man had died, I was emotionally devastated, especially after listening to all his stories which inspired the main character to go find the prince UGHHH

The book of life - is it cliche? Yes. Is it like coco? Yes. Do I like that in the end, the main boy has to sing a guitar version of creep to calm down a bull? Absolutely yes!

Epic - josh hutcherson, beyonce, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny knoxville, an enemies to lovers storyline, a snail, a royal guard having a love for the queen, the enemies being bugs, and ANDD a nerdy dad. That's it.

Rise of the guardians - I absolutely love it followed jack and his arc of being seen and when he finally is, the kid and him are just so excited! Also, the fact that a lot of people are simping for the Easter bunny is a testament to how many people will call anyone sexy.

Daniel spellbound - wanted to add this because there's an awesome creator ( cough cough @bonkalore) who's made an amazing au out of this show and I wanted to see what you thought of it and your theories

Bonus options ( just random one's I think could fit): the rainbow fairies series, Lego friends, the complicated life of Claudia Christina Cortez, sonic underground, drama or sisters ( but any book by rainia would be great), Junie b Jones, stoked, barney, goddess girls, glitter force ( that's what I remember it as), invisible sister, a monster in Paris, Maya and miguel, and Martha)

If you want anymore, let me know!

[llondonfog]

lettie i need an expert opinion. how does one enjoy tea?

i need warm drinks for a medical thing, but oh my god. i am having no luck with tea. i never have. coffee is not an option, and while i do enjoy hot chocolate, it's not something i can drink every day.

any advice would be lovely.

allow me to wax poetically (and hopefully practically) about tea (and i do hope it helps and eases your medical strains <3)

this might sound a little silly, but for me, tea enjoyment starts with the ritual of it all. heating water up in a kettle (mine's pink, naturally...i cling to the aesthetic...), selecting a tea from my pantry shelf that's entirely devoted to many loose leaf types and flavors, measuring it out into a tea infuser, selecting a cup or mug that matches the mood i'm feeling, setting a timer for however long that tea is meant to steep, and then finally settling into a steaming mug that i've prepared for myself by curling up with a book, putting on a show i've been meaning to watch, or simply opening the windows and watching the world outside while my cat sits next to me.

i say all of this because, again, it might sound silly, but it's part of a calming ritual helps me either start the day when i get up early before work, settles me from the frustrations and hectic demands of work when i get home, soothes me before bed, or when i'm making it for friends and family, an act of love where each detail is cared for so that i can savor the delight of the person i'm entertaining. i know this isn't much about flavors/types, which i suspect is where you might be headed, but i think it's equally as important because tea preparation can take anywhere between 5-10 minutes, and those minutes should be yours to center yourself.

now, for tea types: (important because tea can be ridiculously expensive and why waste your money on something you won't even reach for twice speaks from devastated experience and tea betrayals)

real quick to touch on before the flavor profile breakdown; tea types differ in caffeine widely. depending on what your goal is with tea, it can have a negative effect on your sleeping schedule (black/matcha- surprisingly high depending on the amount) if you drink concentrated volumes closer to bedtime

i have an awful penchant for black teas— i find them to be full-bodied and with such interesting, heavy flavors that i gravitate to them naturally. since they can be so biting and bitter though, i know many people might choose to soften the tea with sugar or honey to your taste preferences, but....i really just enjoy it plain, i don't tend to alter the taste of my teas if at all. there's been a wide range of tea companies/grocers in general carrying london fog or chai tea mixes in cartons at the store? i've seen them in walmart/krogers/target, and they're fairly decent? rishi and target's brand of london fog mix definitely ties for first place for me if i have to make it quickly at home lol

herbals/greens can be a hit and miss— i really dislike the heavily flavored teas that just have essential oils and shit added to them to make the flavors more pungent, i never enjoy those lol i tend to reach for these though when i'm feeling like i have a cold or like now when i'm currently cramping. a good friend sent me some maple herbal tea from the adirondack, and i'm mourning my last cup of it as it literally has carried me through so many awful period cycles. again, these teas can be flavored with sugar or honey just to add to their sweetness, but i really don't find it necessary as i prefer the original taste of the tea.

white and oolongs are probably my second favorite, but they can be very...light in flavor, almost aromatic instead of bodied. it can sometimes feel like you're drinking heated water with a floral aftertaste and hey, on some days, maybe that's just what you want lol. (again, sweeten how/to your desire, i just prefer not to do so.)

and matcha is a class all on its own lol i know it can be very divisive tea depending on the amount of sweetening you do or don't since it can be almost...fishy? if that's a good way to describe it? this is the only tea i'll add a LOT of sugar/simple syrup to when i order it. my mother thinks it is a bastardized foul but i'll order a 24 oz matcha with 3 pumps of rosewater syrup and it is honestly fixes whatever the hell is wrong with me (for at least 24 hours lol). i wouldn't advise for the matcha premixes in the cartons at the grocery store, i've tried a few and...bleh. there's something so artificial about them (i say, slurping a sugarfied sludge of matcha and rose).

so i literally am opening my pantry to list out a few and their types that i enjoy, to hopefully give a sense of their flavors:

queue mignonne tea, yuzu & earl grey— this one has such a pleasant citrus kick to a typical earl grey flavor, i love it in the mornings to wake up the senses!

maple herbal tea— a mix of chamomile, rooibos, sunflower, calendula, and maple; instantly soothed my aches and cramps, but it could have been a placebo effect just because i loved this tea so damn much lol

sleepytime tea by celestial seasonings— i can't explain this tea haha it's the tea from my childhood. my father would always make this for me when i was sick and i just associate it with warmth.

milk oolong/double milk oolong— has a meaty flavor? literally the only way i can explain it, very deep and heavy on the tongue. but it's one i reach for when i have cramps too, and it's a good staple i keep around.

ma wei moonlight & white peony— VERY LIGHT flavor teas; floral and sweet in nature, moonlight is heavy gardenia scented while the peony is....peony lol.

olbas wellness tea— THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED. this is a swiss herbal tea of over 20 different herbs that i swear to god, will knock your sinuses clear open within five seconds of inhaling/drinking. a little, A LITTLE!! goes such a long way with this tea, it's got such a pungent and unique flavor, i literally just keep it around for the winter to knock myself back into coherence lol

and as a fun little extra, i have to say that my favorite hot drink outside of tea (if it's a possibility for you) is wassail, especially now in the wintertime. it's a recipe from my grandmother and a little different than what you might find online, but basically cider and fruit juice, an orange studded with cloves, cinnamon sticks, and cooked in a crock pot for at least four hours before enjoying; it literally is a balm for the soul, and i'm more than happy to share the full recipe if it's of any interest<3

did this answer anything or did i simply ramble on about tea......

[blkpetrichorr]

guys ive just had the most earth shattering realization…i am in fact not “dark/light academia” but chaotic academia 🫢 im devastated im crying im pissing omfg JUST LOOK AT MY FUCKING DESK!!

at first this started off as a jokey thing like “ahhh oh no im what i feared the most im an imposter YUCK!”. but after i really got to thinking, i realized this changed perception of myself is genuinely so insane and revolutionary to me. i have been soooo obsessed with dark/light academia, and have been trying to mimic these aesthetics for YEARS. but i’ve never been able to perfect it and make it look like it comes naturally to me. i always thought it was because there was something wrong with me that i couldn’t do this…

but as i get older, i’m realizing how fucking burnt out i am from trying to be something i just am not. it actually takes a LOT of effort to do shit like idk, READ 24/7, be super organized all the time, be this super punctual, sweater tucked in, studying GOD who only wears penny loafers and annotates literary classics like a madman…that’s just not me. especially when i’m pretty sure i have undiagnosed ADHD, accompanied by the worst anxiety known to MAN!

i read and i write, but i do it my own pace, slowly and steadily. my notes aren’t very pretty, or naturally elegant and traditionally organized. my thoughts are scattered around on scraps of paper that i often lose and rediscover randomly, under my desk, being used as bookmarks, in my wallet, or at the bottom of my totebags. i think my desire to feel more “normal” and put together because of my struggle with mental illness created this attraction to the academia aesthetics online because i love learning and just want to be taken seriously as an academic and a genuinely intelligent individual. but as someone who struggles with major imposter syndrome (anxiety) i feel like this side of myself is not always apparent to people upon first glance. therefore, i try to compensate for that in the way that i dress and decorate my space.

i’ve realized that whenever i partake in any of my other interests or fashion styles, i simply feel like i am not as smart as i think i am. when i would rather play video games or wear a bright yellow shirt instead of tweed, i must not be as dedicated to my identity as a poet, academic, etc., as i think i am. i must be a failure because i am more than one thing. this is what my brain tells me. but my higher self is telling me that just because i am not “picture perfect” does not mean i am not to be taken seriously, or that i have to prove myself to anyone. this is gonna be a cliché wrap up but i literally just said fuck perfection so yeah, chaos can be beautiful too and yes, there is a method to my madness, even if i haven’t been conscious of that fact until literally an hour ago…

[whats-a-reading]

So... Aziraphale's character bingo. Thanks @angomay for prompting this!

Hoo boy. This is show Aziraphale bc he's the one most present in my mind.

Stuff that's easiest to explain:

Parent issues - all angels and demons are probably fucked up a little bit bc of God. God's gender is as Ineffable as the rest of Them so I ticked both

Didn't tick 'hey do you want to hear...' because I wouldn't do this unprompted. I just... think about Aziraphale quietly.

And... okay, I ran out of shit. So, I love Aziraphale, but I'm going to borrow a phrase my family used for me. "I don't know if I want to admire you or strangle you". Obviously the final 15 is so devastating, and honestly I'm still dissecting him under a microscope because I've been quietly reading so much good omens meta in an attempt to piece together my personal understanding.

He's so precious and Michael Sheen really gives his all into making Aziraphale such a marshmallow when he's happy. I love his delight and his dumbass damsel act in 1793. I love how bitchy and snarky he can get at times. I love how he's so passionate and the fact that he learned French the human way.

But also, I'm so attached to the Bentley and Crowley's aesthetic that I wanted to strangle him when it turned yellow (though that could just be the Bentley so really, I might want to strangle Crowley). And I was extra disappointed in him during the mind control ball. First for the mind control and second for not listening to Crowley having a mental breakdown at the demons outside.

But, he's so charming that I can't help but love him so much. Beloved bastard angel who never backs down.

Luckily, I haven't seen much Aziraphale hate on my dash (though most of that is because I have the gomens posts on my dashboard be filtered by only following a few people ik with good taste), but dear god I hate coffee theory so much.

From my point of view, one thing jumped out immediately as a reason why Aziraphale, who didn't seem inclined to accept, was so enthusiastic with telling Crowley after the Metatron said Crowley could come with. He's [Aziraphale] securing their future together. It's like how religious family members aren't okay with their agnostic/atheist relatives and keep trying to bring them back. It comes from a fear that they'll be forever separated, and their relative will suffer for eternity. Though I hate that IRL as an ex-Catholic, it's far more sympathetic and understandable here, where it's proven true that Heaven and Hell exist, Revelations is a prophetic work, and Hell is utterly fucked come Judgement Day.

'Nothing lasts forever' is about earthly pleasure. Worldly things. He's saving things for Heaven by giving them up or something along those lines. Not their relationship. Absolutely not the love they have for each other. Aziraphale chose Crowley over himself. Over his own peaceful, fragile existence with books and cocoa and records.

Besides, Aziraphale knows from the Arrangement that 'angel' and 'demon' are just job descriptions (while also simultaneously believing that 'angel' and 'demon' are fundamental opposites, because he's complicated like that). He's not trying to change Crowley. He's trying to change Crowley's employer to a better option.

I'm kind of undecided on the 'I forgive you', but it probably contains multitudes like every single thing said ever by these two. There's the coded 'I love you', there's the indignant 'how dare you try to tempt me away from this now of all times', there's his desperate last-ditch attempt in response to crowley's last ditch attempt 'I will prove you wrong on your entire self-concept, because look I'm forgiving you; you're forgivable, come with me'. And probably others. But I am out of thoughts, and the meta people can probably analyze every microsecond of this show and come up with more. I'm just an enjoyer.

He still goes to Heaven in the end because ah shit the second coming. And one of them needs to have intel. (And he can make his envisioned policy changes while he's at it.*) Just like in s1, where Crowley was the one with the intel, and Aziraphale gleaned knowledge from Earthly sources (the book). I think s3 will be that in reverse.

*I don't think the system would let him. That's just a motivation for him going.

God... Aziraphale... I can't even call what he did a mistake because if I were in his shoes, I don't know if I'd have the strength to just let my partner die eventually when I can prevent that.

the ask game this is from

[angstandhappiness]

AUGH, BREATHTAKING, DEVASTATING, FIRST TIMES ARE ALWAYS THE HARDEST TO TAKE AND MAKE

@mugwot #that’s so sweet <3 the omniscient narrator cares <3#also damn that gate is Huge they feel smaller but i guess that’s because zag is much smaller visually than what he feels like

@viscerell : #ur incredible at body language in ur art#alsO AHHH THE FEAR OF LEAVING WHAT YOU KNOW TO FIND SOMETHING BETTER BUT FEARING THAT THERE ISNT ANYTHING BUT STILL GOING ANYWAYS FUUUUUU#god i love hades

@babygirl-beldaruit : #EVERYTHINGGGG ABOUT THIS COMIC OMFG#the colors the paneling and the composition the poses the expressions#and the lines feel so in character!!!! totally nailed the snarky narrator#and I really like seeing content about zagreus' internal struggles in the games story#and like also back to the art... goals for my own comic in a lot of ways

@thestarminstrel : #no one:#me sobbing: liSTEN HE JUST WENT THROUGH SO MUCH AND GOT TO MEET HIS MOM AND GOT TO RECONCIL WITH HIS DAD AND LEARNED THAT HE WAS MORE AND--

@aesthetic-hyenadicks : #i love this op#the dialogue is wonderful#but it's the expressions that sealed it for me#it's so real you can tell what's going through zag's mind even without dialogue#and the art style is aesthetic and unique

@boymosss : #i cannot believe i haven’t reblogged this already#i am sporadic as hell#effallya ily your art is absolutely fantastic#we always see the calm confident side of this boy#BUT HERE#this is very important side of him#zag my beloved#many emotions tab

@antimonys-stuff : #this is so good and such great characterization#hades#esp with the double meaning 'flight' = flying away like. a baby bird making it's first flight#and then 'flight' = running away. running away from home like zagreus is doing#and this is his first!! this is his first run. how cool!!

@timeinthetardis : #wow this is stunning#idk if its intentional#but i love that at first when hes consumed by doubt you really only see his red eye or its usually the bigger one in the frame#but when he makes the decision to press forward and steels himself you see his green eye more#and i think the symbolism there is womderful

FIRST FLIGHT, my first of hopefully many Hades fancomics 

been chipping away at this for many months now :’) cant wait to do the next one

higher-res PDF available for free/pay-what-you-want, on gumroad (u can find me on Twt/IG @lianabnana)

[cowboymantis]

My favourite manga series is one you have never heard of*

((* probably, if you speak only English))

IT HAS EVERYTHING: DRAMA, BLOODSHED, FOUND FAMILY, LOST FAMILY (🥲), RANDOM INVINCIBLE BEINGS, CONFUSION, PAIN, FUN...

[Collage I quickly put together of all the manga covers, rip they've got such bad quality but I just quickly got them from a website, all the other images here will be my own photos]

So. There is this manga series that has been my absolute #1 favourite since around 2014, I think. I found out about it from a random Youtuber I used to watch, who made those monthly review/recommendation videos for manga he read.

Thinking it did sound very interesting, I just went and bought the first volume and was HOOKED. The manga in question is Vanilla Fiction by Megumi Osuga.

The premise is simple (or uh, as simple as I could water it down): Guy named Sato, who is a best-selling author, is also a huge pessimist and can only write bad endings. Now, he's pressured to write a happy ending. Right at the beginning of the first manga, he stumbled across a murder scene and then somehow ends up adopting a little girl that was there. Or uh, rather she forcefully adopts herself lmao 😭 And then he gets the task of saving the world (aka happy end for humanity?? Real??)

(Also her little angle wings backpack 🥹🥹🥹 It's so cute 🥹 And later on in the story, Sato has a jacket on with angel wings 😭)

As if Sato isn't confused enough, all of a sudden there's this weird guy (who names himsels Ozamu Dazai. Yeah, I know... Another manga character with that name HOW ORIGINAL, but I think this came out just some months before Bungou Stray Dogs so it's a funny coincidence that both of those happened along a similar time 😭) who gives him a lore drop and explains HOW he has to save the world and all that, also it turns out the guy is kinda invincible and is some sort of weird human ragdoll zombie (or something like that). Sato first finds out about that because he accidentally killed him (in his defence: Dazai is ANNOYING AS HELL‼️)...

As for saving the world, Sato has to eat cookies with the little girl or else the world will end (because of chaos theory mome nte). Thing is, other people also want to do that. So some sort of weird battle royale-esque shenanigans ensue. Yippee‼️‼️

And I gotta say this manga has some of my favourite aesthetics, I absolutely ADORE the artstyle and also the characters are so great and (MOST of them...) lovable!!

Love the introduction scene in the second volume of my fav too he's very silly 😭

He's like, "I became a police officer because I love fighting (as in arguments, but he does love beating up others too lmao) people! Doesn't matter with who, about what, I am never going to lose!!"

Just a hater fr.

Also, I absolutely love this page sm, on the right is one of my other favs and btw HE IS SO GENDER!!! He's kinda like if Do Hanse was a manga character... Do you see the vision??? He's also the leader of the "Kanto Devils", which is a surprisingly wholesome gang :) They're like a family...

Also two pages I love nowadays even more:

WHY ARE YOU JUST WATCHING???

I can't believe Vanilla Fiction predicted Yakuza Kiwami ⁉️

Also gahhh, in every volume there are two fully coloured illustrations on the first pages and I love them so so much. Due to tumblr image limit I tried to squish some of them together:

And. ...Sigh, there's a running banana peel slip gag but I SWEAR IT'S FUNNY.

And oh my god even years later I still think about the ending. 😭🛌🛌🛌

When the manga was still coming out with new volumes, I'd always read them immediately and then lend them to my friend who I got into the series, so we could both talk about it and it was just always so nice experiencing the hype of a new volume together 😭

And then, in 2016, when the final volume was released... We were both devastated 😭😭😭 Tbf, there was a volume before that which hit just as hard goobey...

Some years later though, I realized... No one ever really talks about this manga. And when I go search for it, all people talking about it are in German. Then I slowly realized HOLY HELL THIS MANGA DIDN'T EVEN GET AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION, NOT EVEN A FAN TRANSLATION ⁉️⁉️

NO WONDER IT DOESN'T HAVE A FANDOM 😭😭

The name Vanilla Fiction tbh is also not making it much better, and the covers are such a huge don't judge a book by its cover moment, because you'd think it was a cute little shoujo manga 💀 But then you open it and there's just a bunch of gore happening right at the start so. Yeah.

Man... I love talking about Vanilla Fiction a lot, but I know they'll never even get to experience it now, so that's kinda sad. It has been my favourite manga series for a decade now and I can't even talk with people about it 🥲

I'm lowkey tempted to just scan in the pages and do my own translation of it just so I can show it to people lmao 😭

[lemonboyfest]

reminders

reminders for 2024:

You’re not dead yet. Get the fuck up. Drag your corpse kicking and screaming into tomorrow. One day you will stop surviving and start living

more studying, more walks, more reading, more skill-based hobbies, more experimenting w pretty fits and hairstyles, more gym, more exploring new things in general, more whole foods/healthy recipes, more financial literacy, more time management, more time off the phone, more being out the loop. nothing else matters

hrmm. well hold on now ive been filled with a sudden joy and whimsy for the world

Glowing kind of love

fuck beauty standards. someone looking at you with love in their eyes is the most beautiful thing in the world.

as a girl who is literally just a girl i am always yearning. always longing always missing always wearing my heart on my sleeve. always feeling like my heart is on the verge of exploding. the sight of the sun makes me cry. anyway

i hope that when i die there will be an apartment with everyone i’ve ever loved in it and we are together always

read a lot and read everything

film and art and music are what builds ur soul

be outside

love and romance will not come to you any quicker if you are focused on it constantly

possessions don't improve things

movement does improve things

university is <4 years of the rest of your life - make the most of it

find the pleasure in hard work

lose the pleasure in scrolling

creation is essential

joy, love & intelligence are the tenets of life

stagnation isn't inevitable. no person is in a fixed state. you can always change

i love listening to someone’s favorite song its like im mentally holding their hand

you just had an epiphany about your sexuality? just own it. you like this unpopular thing your friends don’t like? just own it. you’re trans? just own it. you’re doing something unconventional? just own it. you’re completely free to share your reasons, but you don’t have to justify why you made the decisions you made. if you disclose something and a friend makes a face, okay well that’s too bad bc that’s who you are. they’re free to leave if what makes you a person doesn’t sit right w them. you don’t need to explain the why and the how and the when as if you’re trying to outrun their disapproval. be confident enough in yourself that you don’t feel the need to owe anyone an explanation. you’re you and that’s that.

what im learning is that you cannot avoid your way into a life you enjoy

i have the opposite of that “everyone is an npc” mentality people have embraced where i’m instead like. the person next to me in line has someone they can’t wait to go home to, the person picking up their mail has felt devastation before, everyone in this grocery store is doing their sunday shopping, maybe the person that just honked at me is having the worst day of their life, my neighbor has doctors appointments and favorite foods and a song they can’t stand to hear anymore… you are all fully realized complex people and that is overwhelming me on a spiritual level…

"omg you'll post 'i need him' on the most average men" "she's mid" most of us are average and it's good that we can find beauty and desire in average people .... on god FELT. i really need to start practicing this though. i get so complacent in my complacence i listen to my friends and i try so hard to fit in i insult people for no reason there is so much more to them than their aesthetics and if i do not find them attractive then what is to say someone else doesn't why do i feel the need to invalidate why am i rude ? people are all beautiful i need to remind myself . changing

[selfkenfidence]

Perms and mustaches?

Perms

And

Mustaches?????

How callously the TRUE captain of the Jolly Roger, as penned by the Great J.M. Barrie, is reduced to Perms. And. Mustaches.

I suppose there is some truth in the jab, as I myself reduced the memorable - if not second rate, Killian to his makeup routine. But you are mistaken, deeply, not just in your casual summary, but in all of your blind clinging to the bare scraps Fandom has tossed your way. What sort of a man who bears the name KiLiAn can hold a candle to Captain James Hook? A man of codes. A man of wit. A man to whom the monicre 'mustaches and perms' is merely one thread in the grand tapestry of his being, while Kilian is a character accurately and succinctly summarized in the name

Guyliner.

I can only question why the sticky man child that is Killian (a man who couldnt even keep his proper name, ) holds such sway over the tumblr folk. I can only assume you are all easily swayed by the predictable and one dimensional aesthetics of a Tumblr sexy man, which Killian is surely just another carbon copy of. Truly your tastes are as easy to predict and summarise as Killians own characterization.

Guyluner.

The true Hook is a God. Only by stripping this man of all he is and could be could you then see some semblance of Killian, who is A baby. A man child. A trope.

Hook, captain James Hook, is a man. A mess. A dream. I am devastated by your rejection of the truth, not for my own sake, and not for hooks, but for you. Such a poor soul is one who would reject a man of true class, talent, and taste, for another pair of leather pants and half-hearted pickup lines.

I should not need to extoll the captains' graces, for they are self evident. I will merely beg you to look.

Look at him.

And tell me you cannot see what I see. What has been so immortal it has shaped our very conception of what it means to be a pirate. What is truly, at his heart, a pirate. A lost boy. A man with such sense of self, his aesthetic is immortal and timeless. A man who just wants to be loved.

Killian is at best, a fuckboy with an aesthetic.

Yo ho ho motherfucker

Today I'm here to fight

For reference

Fancy man ❤️✨️

Guyliner 🤮😡

[begyle]

tags.

━━     ❥       ﹙ OOC. ﹚  aster speaking ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ OOC. ﹚  dash commentary ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ OOC. ﹚  answered ｡

━━     ❥       ﹙ IC. ﹚    starter ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ IC. ﹚    open ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ IC. ﹚    thread ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ IC. ﹚    answered ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ IC. ﹚    dash commentary ｡

━━     ❥       ﹙ ABOUT. ﹚     your need has grown teeth ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ MUSINGS. ﹚    i am my own devastating god ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ AESTHETICS. ﹚    the blood on my teeth tastes like a poem ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ VISUALS. ﹚    bury your fangs in my flesh ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ DESIRES. ﹚    there are teeth marks on everything he loves ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ SELF PROMO. ﹚    my rot is as hungry as me ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ PROMO. ﹚    sepulcher seeking for whom to devour ｡ ━━     ❥       ﹙ PROMPTS. ﹚    to devour the divine ｡

━━     ❥       ﹙ MAIN VERSE : 1 ﹚    to be made of flesh was humiliation ｡

━━     ❥       ﹙ BEWREKE : togama. ﹚    my teeth in your heart ｡

[tratserenoyreve]

i am a predictable creature and so am once again rambling about the genshin albedo plotline and its possible future trajectory

while it’s a neat aesthetic, i do not think albedo “losing control” will involve him turning into a literal dragon or becoming a vessel for durin. the themes in the game and his storyline, where the Prototype is full of resentment due to rhinedottir labeling him a failure (“useless things should be disposed of at the outset” holy sh!t my guy im sorry your mom murdered u via feeding you to your dragon-brother that is very messed up) seems to point towards the like. blind pursuit of something at the expense of all else is what has been leading albedo’s family to cycles of destruction.

albedo isn’t dangerous because he is related to durin or the riftwolves, he is dangerous because he is like rhinedottir. he knows searching for the truth of the world is going to put a target on his back, that he is willing to pursue it at any cost regardless, even if that means he is likely to endanger everyone around him. if we go with the theory that Visions, alternatively called “eyes of god” in other translations, are a means for Celestia to keep an eye on individuals who may change the course of history then albedo is being closely watched from multiple fronts. rosaria, dainsleif, Celestia, the Prototype, all watching and waiting for albedo to make one mistake, to slip up just enough…

perhaps this is why albedo is carefully introducing the Traveler to his deeper secrets. albedo is shouldering a huge number of responsibilities willingly, but also seems to at least acknowledge that he has limits. if he loses control of the situation, a very real possibility despite his promise to do his best to ensure no harm comes to those in his care, he is trusting the Traveler to stop the devastation. albedo feels responsible for the actions of the Prototype, i’d dare even say that he seems to treat them both as one and the same person. perhaps albedo sees the actions of the Prototype as sensible because he sees him as a mirror of what he could also be if he hadn’t had the fortune of finding a place in life.

i believe albedo’s “corruption arc” will be more of a reflection of the Traveler’s abyssal twin. wherein the knowledge of some deep secret of the world of Teyvat incites either the destruction of those who learned of it or pulls those who know something they shouldn’t towards wishing for destruction. it may also be a series of events where he can no longer keep durin or the Prototype in check, his brothers full of desires that have festered from being unfulfilled.

basically: albedo seems more likely to follow rhinedottir’s footsteps than anything else, the pressure of his family’s legacy becoming too much for him to manage on his own.

[alj4890]

I got an ask we know Riley gets kidnapped by Anton but what if Anton was in love with her and he didn’t wanna kill her but makes her his. What if Olivia killed Claudus for shooting drake.

I love the way you think, Nonny! I actually would have eaten this up with a spoon if that had happened in canon. To be honest, I really liked Justin in book 2. If he had been a new love interest, I would have done a play through just to see what happens if Riley chose him 🤦🏻 Of course then we find out he is behind all the bombings and such so...oops, LOL. When I first saw your request, I made an aesthetic with just Justin/Anton and Riley in mind. I completely forgot to add a definite OTP of mine, Drake and Olivia, to it. Smh. The story though will definitely include them along with Riley and Justin. I am so tempted to turn this into a series 🙊

@gkittylove99 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles @twinkleallnight @lodberg  @amandablink @neotericthemis  @mm2305 @sfb123 @iufilms

Masterlist

True Intentions

It had happened when he had not been paying attention. It shouldn't have happened at all. He had one goal. One mission. Nothing had ever come to mean more to him than that. Nothing. No one.

Until Riley.

He knew he shouldn't have spent so much time with her. He shouldn't have helped Maxwell in picking the right dresses for her. He shouldn't have stuck around to see her come out of dressing rooms, an excited smile upon her face, as she twirled around for them to give their opinions.

It had taken all his will power to keep from telling her what he truly thought. Riley's beauty was simply stunning, not because of her outer loveliness, but more that he saw her inner beauty shining through each trial she faced. Her strength amazed him. Her wit brought a smile to his face. Her kindness touched his heart.

It made him begin to long for things he shouldn't. They shouldn't be a part of any dream or plan he had.

And yet...she was beginning to crop up in his thoughts. In his dreams.

In his plans.

He winced as he tried to get comfortable.

His plans hadn't exactly gone as he had hoped. In fact, he should have talked to his men and explained that Riley was not to be a target.

Thank God for Drake. If he hadn't jumped in front of her, she would have been taken from me.

His lips twisted in another painful grimace.

"Are you in pain?"

Justin looked up and tried to smile. "Just a little."

His nurse shook her head. "I told you to buzz before it got too bad." She gently checked his wound.

"I don't want to be a bother." He mumbled.

"You aren't." She patted his hand. "You aren't any trouble at all." Her nose wrinkled. "We had a few nobles cause unnecessary problems when the attack happened."

"Really?"

She rolled her eyes. "Some were knocked down during the chaos and demanded they be admitted."

He chuckled softly. "Sounds like something they would do."

"It's a shame that good people like you were seriously hurt while those spoiled nobles try and take all the attention." She readjusted his covers after administering some more pain medication in his IV. "I don't know why King Liam is so hellbent on bringing them back to court."

"What do you mean?" Justin tried to fight the effects of the pain medicine. "What's he doing?"

"He and Lady Riley are going on some type of tour to some of the major houses to personally invite them to their wedding."

His brow furrowed.

A unity tour. That would work on these small minded individuals. It was a smart move. The public were already Team Riam. Once the royal couple convinced the most powerful houses to come to their wedding, all the other minor lords and ladies would follow suit.

"Well played, Liam." Justin's eyes drooped closed. "Well played."

**************

He couldn't believe that they not only convinced Madeleine's entire family, but also somehow got all of Portavira on their side.

"What's the plan?" Claudius asked.

"We need something big to remind everyone that we aren't a one trick pony." Justin told him.

He looked out the window. Leaves were beginning to change with the first hints of autumn in the air.

A hint of a smile appeared as a plan began to form.

"It would be a shame if Cordonia's apple orchard had a bad year, wouldn't it?" He eyed his second in command.

Claudius chuckled. "It really would."

******************

Justin watched as every channel showed the devastation of the orchard near Applewood. He couldn't help but smile over Riley making the people love her even more for her righteous anger. Her promises to bring those responsible to justice along with making the orchard bigger than before made him nearly burst with pride.

She had grown into her role more so than he had ever imagined. Gone was the timid young waitress from New York who uttered no comment when reporters surrounded her. She was a confident woman now who could think on her feet.

Justin thought she was more attractive than the first time he had seen her floundering in front of the cameras, in desperate need of a hero. It hadn't been a bother to rush to her side then and put his arm around her. Her wide eyes had lifted to his and he had nearly melted from her beauty.

He still couldn't believe that she forgave Liam for choosing another over her. Granted Madeleine impressed him with how she could manipulate reporters into spinning a story to her advantage, but Riley was so many things that the cold countess was not. She deserved better than what she got.

And he planned on giving it to her.

*****************

A week after the orchard burning, he turned to see the one rarely far from his thoughts.

"Justin!" Riley rushed over to engulf him in a hug.

"How's my favorite media darling?" He asked.

She leaned back and gave him that smile that was brighter than flash bulbs. "Much better now that I know you're recovering." She playfully glanced about before whispering, "Save me from Madeleine!"

He laughed as he hugged her once more. "I don't know. I've seen her work and can't find fault with it."

Riley pouted. She linked her arm with his as they walked down the hospital hallway. "I prefer your guidance to hers." Her nose wrinkled. "It's weird being told how to act by Liam's former fiancée. I know there wasn't anything between them, but still."

Justin patted her hand. "Tell you what. If Madeleine is unable to do her job or you decide to fire her, then I will gladly step back into my old position." He dug around in his pocket for the earpiece she had used during Liam's engagement tour.

Her smile reappeared. "Old faithful."

"I'm always Just-in-time." He teased.

*****************

It had been too close. He hadn't expected Riley to go anywhere near Constantine. And there she was, by Liam's side, graciously accepting some necklace from the old man who had destroyed her initial happily ever after.

His heart had nearly stopped as he watched rubble fall around them. Riley had frozen in fear over Liam's safety. It was a nightmare come to life as pieces of the wall and ceiling began to collapse.

At least one good thing had come from this: one king was dead.

It sadly wasn't the king he needed to die.

Justin began to plan how he would comfort Riley once Liam was gone. He wouldn't have to tell her it was he, himself, who orchestrated his death. But he would make certain to enjoy the benefits of it.

His eyes narrowed over another slight problem he had.

He was going to have to kill his own wife too.

******************

Lythikos...

It had been almost too easy. Madeleine was already in need of a distraction after hearing Liam gush over how excited he was to marry Riley in a few weeks. Once she requested a fruity cocktail, he knew then that the poison could go undetected taste wise.

The bartender left to go replenish the champagne. Madeleine's irritation over having to wait on a refill was drawing attention.

"Here." He grinned at her. "Allow me to make you another."

Her eyes widened. "Aren't you that press secretary that helped Riley?"

"I am." He began to mix a strong cocktail for her while adding the poison, all right under her nose. "And I must say you are the best I've ever seen."

Madeleine's irritation disappeared over the compliment. "I am, aren't I?"

"Riley's lucky to have someone so knowledgeable in ways of both the court and public like you." He added.

"Yes, she is." Madeleine muttered. "I'll do anything for my country, even if it is a thankless job."

"You should be recognized for your sacrifice." Justin handed her the deadly drink.

"Yes, I should." She took a gulp.

"How is it?" He asked.

"It's the only good thing here." A tipsy grin appeared on her face when she saw Riley. She grasped Justin's hand and pulled him in her wake. "Let's go say, hi."

"Boooooo!" Madeleine giggled when Riley turned around. "It's the ghosts of press secretary past and present."

"The what now?" Riley lips trembled with suppressed laughter as she looked up at Justin for clarification.

"I'm the ghost of press secretary past." He winked at her.

"OoooOooo!" Madeleine swayed where she stood.

"Whoa, there." Riley tried to steady her. "You okay?"

"She's had a little too much." Justin mimed drinking.

"It's a party!" Madeleine slurred. "It's in the worst place ever but it's a party and I'm going to...going to..."

"Enjoy it?" Riley offered.

"Extractly!" Madeleine's brow wrinkled over that not being the right word. "Expactly?"

"Exactly." Justin corrected.

"That."

The crowd quieted around them when Olivia took the stage to offer a final toast of the evening to Liam and Riley's wedding.

"Woo!" Madeleine cheered.

Riley and Justin tried to shush her.

Her giddy smile fell as her rosy cheeks drained of color. "Somefing's not..."

"Madeleine?" Riley lost her grip on her when she swayed violently to the right. "What's--"

Madeleine hit a table, causing the plates to clatter and the vase of blood red roses to fall over.

"I hate this place." She collapsed on the floor.

"Madeleine!" Riley dropped to her knees and tried to bring her to. "Liam! Mara! Come quick!"

Justin stepped back as the two came to see what was wrong. He watched as Olivia made her way through the crowd to find out what the all the fuss was about.

"What's wrong with her?" Riley asked.

"She's been poisoned." Mara whispered.

*******************

Justin loved seeing the delighted surprise once more on Riley's face when he said he would take over Madeleine's duties for the rest of the tour. It would have been a perfect moment if Liam had not been standing there. He was ashamed to think of his nearly giving himself away when he panicked at the sight of Olivia walking in behind him.

He wished Lucretia would quit trying to push Olivia into going into the family vault. She had a sick sense of humor in wanting her niece to discover she was already married. For some reason, she did not approve of the way her niece depended on her friends for support.

Justin knew the power friends could have. Had he not been trained by his own parents' friends, he wouldn't be the worthy man next in line to the throne. His comradery with his own men inspired their loyalty and willingness to die to make him king.

He needed to distance himself from Lucretia the moment they got out of Lythikos.

****************

She was supposed to come alone! Why did she bring Riley? I can't kill her. I need her. I deserve to have a choice in the one I want ruling by my side. The people already adore her, much more so than they admire Olivia. I was supposed to become free of this marriage. Once she and Liam are dead, I'll be able to be king and have--

"Justin?" Riley's eyes were clouded with confusion as she looked first at a picture of him dressed in a royal uniform. "What is this?"

"I'm sorry, Riley." His voice cracked on her name.

Justin reached in his pocket and pulled out a revolver.

Lucretia cackled with glee as she told her niece the truth about her marriage.

Justin stood there silently as the woman he loved shook her head in denial.

She's so incredibly sweet to doubt a friend could be the bad guy. I hate that I can't pull her away from all this and simply explain why I should be the ruler of Cordonia. I deserve it. I worked for it. My entire life was made for me to take the crown. She would be able to understand that. Look how far she's come in her own life. Who could imagine a waitress from some dive bar in America would come to be the next queen of a small European nation?

"Do it already!" Lucretia hissed. "Shoot her!"

He couldn't do it. Even as he held the gun steady, pointed directly at the woman he loved's heart, he couldn't shoot Riley.

"Get away from her!" Liam ordered.

Justin spun around to see the king and guards filling up the narrow passageway.

"I thought you said this was secure." Justin snapped at Lucretia.

"It was." She held her hands up in surrender.

Justin watched as she stepped forward, pretending to stumble.

His eyes widened as once again his love was trapped within a collapsing room.

He managed to see her safely end up in Liam's arms before escaping through a hidden passage.

He left Lucretia to the guards. She had served her purpose and was sadly of no use to him any longer. Now he could plan what he truly wanted to happen.

*******************

Liam and Riley's wedding day...

"I don't care who you kill. Olivia and Riley are to be taken alive." Justin told the small team of men he was sending in. "If you have to wound them to get them here, make certain Riley's is non life threatening.

He ignored the questioning look Claudius sent his way.

"Bring them both to our stronghold." His eyes narrowed. "Do not fail me."

****************

Later that night...

"Good work." Justin straightened his jacket. He wanted to look his best when he saw Riley again.

Claudius smirked at him. "Just think of all the men we would still have if you had let me go alone."

Justin chuckled. "True, but at least we are free of our weakest links." He smoothed his hair back. "Now take me to our guests."

***************

"I know the real Justin is somewhere in there." Riley leaned as far forward as her bindings allowed. "You helped me gain the love of the people. You know that if you kill me, the people will not readily accept you as king."

He couldn't help but smile. "I know and that is why I don't intend to hurt you."

"Then why kidnap us?" Olivia demanded.

He turned toward her. "If I'm to be king, then I have to take the necessary steps to claim the throne." He motioned for Claudius to come in.

"You're the one who shot Drake!" Olivia shouted, struggling against the ropes biting into her tender skin. "You'll regret that."

"And you tried to kill me!" Riley added, narrowing her eyes.

"That was a mistake." Justin quickly said. "You were never to be harmed."

"Then why all the attempts?" She asked. "Why do you persist in--"

"You weren't supposed to be here, Riley." He knelt down in front of her. "You should have stayed in New York until the time was right"

Her eyebrows drew together. "What are you talking about.

Justin asked Claudius to remain with Olivia while he took Riley somewhere private.

"If you think for one second that I will remain with this man while you take her away go do only God knows what," Olivia's chair creaked at her straining to break free, "then you don't know what a Nevarkis is truly made of!"

Justine rolled his eyes over her rant as he untied Riley from her chair. He kept her ankles and wrists bound together. He swept her into his arms and carried her out.

Olivia's shouts were silenced by the sound of a hard slap.

Riley struggled in Justin's arms. "What did he do to her? OLIVIA?!" Tears streamed down her cheeks. "Justin, please don't--"

"Nothing's happened to her." He took her into a surprisingly clean, yet drab, sitting room.

Riley was dropped on a chaise lounge. She eyed the door then Justin.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He repeated. He gently cupped her cheek, fingers brushing along her jaw line. "I love you too much to ever harm you."

Riley stilled. She looked up at him. "You what?"

He knelt before her. "I'm in love with you. It didn't hit me until you told me you had accepted Liam's proposal on the train. I didn't plan it, but I refuse to hide my feelings any longer." He smiled at her. "You've proven yourself as the rightful Queen of Cordonia. Once Liam and Olivia are dead, you and I can rule this country as we see fit. We'll--"

Riley shook her head. "Justin," she believed he was deranged and knew she had to handle this carefully, "I'm flattered. Really I am. I mean, we both know I would never have gotten this far without you."

His smile grew at her realizing she owed him for her meteoric rise within the court.

"But if you kill Liam and Olivia, the people will not feel any love or loyalty for you." She tilted her head as she studied him. "Surely you see the problem with this plan."

"People respect power." He explained. "They respect someone who fights for what is rightfully his. Since my birth, I have been meant for something greater. My parents, Olivia's family, even my soldiers realized that I alone am worthy to rule over this country." He focused once more upon her. "And I've seen that you are the one to do so by my side."

Riley shook her head. "Justin, I am honored," her voice cracked on that lie, "to have your love but I can't accept it." Her eyes filled with tears. "I'm in love with Liam."

"Riley, he didn't choose you." Justin argued. "He left you on your own to fight against nobles, the press, even his own father. You deserve so much more than being an afterthought."

Tears slipped down her cheeks once more. "That wasn't what he did. He was trying to protect me. And I--"

He leaned down and kissed her.

She froze at the touch, refusing to participate.

"Once Liam's gone, you will see the truth." Justin promised.

"I won't." Her eyes narrowed. "As long as I live, I'll hate you with everything within me for taking him from me."

"You don't have it in you." He shook his head in amusement. "You've forgiven everyone. Olivia, Penelope, Madeleine, even Constantine. You never hold a grudge."

"You'll be my first." Riley vowed. "Liam is the love of my life. If you ruin my chance to finally be with him, I will never forgive you. As long as there is breath in my body, I will find a way to destroy you."

"You are amazing." He murmured, knowing she was speaking from her heart. He couldn't wait for that devotion to be for himself.

"Anton?"

The two turned to see Claudius in the doorway. "Liam should be here any moment."

Justin nodded and told him he would meet him and the rest of the men downstairs.

He lifted Riley in his arms and placed her back in the cell with Olivia.

His wife had the bruised imprint of Claudius's hand on her alabaster cheek. Blood had dried on her bottom lip. No tears had fallen from the force of the hit. Her left eye was bloodshot as she glared up at him.

"Liv?" Riley choked out. "Are you--"

"I'm fine." Her harsh answer echoed in the chamber. "It will take more than some two bit thug to hurt me." Her eyes did a quick scan to make certain Riley wasn't hurt.

"If you will excuse me, I have to go prepare for Liam's last night on earth." He retied Riley to her chair.

She threw her head back with all her might to connect with his face.

His glasses broke from the force of her strike. Blood poured out his nose as he stumbled away from her.

"Don't ever," his voice dropped to a hiss, "do that again, my love." He gripped her chin and jerked her face up toward his. "You will learn how to behave soon enough."

He slammed the cell door and left them alone.

"Did he hurt you?" Olivia whispered.

"No." Riley bit her bottom lip. "Not yet."

*****************

"Where is my wife?" Liam demanded.

Justin couldn't help but be impressed. The young king was standing before him, completely outnumbered, yet didn't show the slightest flicker of fear.

He asked the one question that he himself would have asked if Riley was taken from him.

"She is well." Justin replied. "Which is something I can't promise about your own well being."

"I want to see her." Liam bit out. "Now!"

Justin's chuckle was interrupted by a hastily whispered message from Claudius. His head jerked around to search the dim hallway as if doing so would reveal the missing prisoners.

How had they escaped?

"You don't get to make demands here." He snapped at Liam.

"Let Riley and Olivia go." Liam ordered. "And I will take their place." His eyes narrowed. "I know it is a temporary one."

Justin couldn't help but smile. The man was indeed brave to trade his life for Riley and Olivia's.

"No!" Riley screamed out from the stairs.

Chaos broke out as she led the charge to attack the Sons of the Earth. Justin watched as she ran over to protect Liam's back.

The couple were doing their utmost to protect the other from harm.

Their friends were taking his well trained soldiers out one by one. It was embarrassing to see how pitiful his men fought.

Olivia moved into his line of sight. Fury blazed across her delicate features.

"I'm impressed." He told her, unsheathing his sword. "I should have searched you myself."

"Trust me." Olivia circled him. "It will be the last mistake you'll ever make!"

She lunged at him. He easily parried her attack. "I think you've forgotten that it was your parents who gave me the same training you had."

"I think you talk too much!" She twirled about, bringing her daggers up to stop his sword from meeting her shoulder. He grunted from her heel piercing his leg as she pushed off to break his hold.

They continued to try and deliver punishing blows to the other. She was desperate to kill the man who was after her friends and country. He was anxious to be free of their marriage.

He noticed from the corner of his eye Claudius and Drake fighting. His second in command stunned the commoner with an uppercut to his jaw, causing Drake to stumble back into a wall.

Olivia heard the scuffle and followed Justin's line of sight. Her face paled at Claudius moving towards Drake to end him once and for all.

With a flick of her wrists she not only slashed Justin but threw her other dagger at Claudius. It struck true along the side of his neck, cutting into his jugular. He let out a garbled scream as he fell to the floor.

Justin hissed at the deep gash she had made along his ribcage.

Seeing that it was a lost battle, he hopped the banister and began to rush upstairs. He would have to go into hiding once more before orchestrating another attack.

"This ends now!" Riley yelled out at him.

He spun around to see both her and Liam rushing toward him. He raised his sword, determined to put an end to the man who stood between him and the throne. He hesitated when Riley jumped in front of her husband.

"You're not taking him from me!" She raised her battle ax. "Every time you try, I will stop you."

Does Liam know how lucky he is? She waited on him to choose her. Twice! And now she stands here, ready to defend him to the death. How could any man not fall in love with Riley?

His refusal to fight her was his downfall. He was pushed over the banister by the royal couple. While his breath was knocked out, Maxwell and Hana bound his hands together behind his back.

He looked about at his fallen and captured comrades. His attention was drawn toward Olivia and Drake. The pair were covered in blood and bruises, yet they were leaning against each other. Drake had his arm around her while softly speaking. Whatever was said caused Olivia to press even closer to his side. Her arms slipped around his waist. Her eyes were closed tight as she allowed him to hold her.

Justin had suspected something more between the pair. It looked like his coup for the throne had accomplished something for them.

Bastien and the rest of the King's Guards rushed in. After talking to the king and new queen, he collected Justin and hauled him outside.

On the way, Justin met Riley's eyes.

There were so many things he wanted to explain to her. He believed she would have been on board with his plans for the kingdom. Once he had killed Liam and Olivia, he would be the benevolent king the country needed. Gone would be the purpose for pompous nobles. He would have established a council of Cordonia's citizens from all walks of life to advise him. People would be rewarded and honored for their service instead of simply being born to the right parents.

And she would have been his queen, guiding and protecting all she deemed worthy.

"Riley, I..."

"You will never ever hurt those I love again." She hissed.

"Take him away." Liam ordered, keeping his arms locked around his wife. "He will be dealt with in the morning."

Justin knew then that it was pointless to try and explain. She would never give him a chance after all that had occurred.

For the first time in his life, he realized that his intentions didn't matter to the one he loved most.

[diwatera]

LGBTQ+ Movies I Watched Recently (Part 2)

Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea DuVall

Short Summary: Abby plans on proposing to Harper when they visit Harper’s family for the holidays. Her plans get derailed when she learns that Harper hasn’t come out to her family yet.

Why you should watch it: Not gonna lie, Mackenzie Davis drew me to this movie; I’ve been in love with her ever since San Junipero came out. Add Kristen Stewart, Aubrey Plaza and Dan Levy to the mix and I’m sold. If you want a sapphic romance with a happy ending, this one’s for you. 

Été 85 (2020) dir.  François Ozon

Short Summary: Alexis recounts his six-week love affair with David during the summer of ‘85. 

Why you should watch it: If you love 80s aesthetic and music, you definitely should watch this. The movie made me nostalgic of that decade and I wasn’t even alive back then! It’s a whirlwind summer romance reminiscent of Call Me by Your Name but with a more devastating twist.

Getting Go: The Go Doc Project (2013) dir. Cory James Krueckeberg

Short Summary: An obsessed college boy pursues his internet crush through the pretext of making a documentary about him.

Why you should watch it: The script and the acting are the one-two punch of this film. The writing is incredibly genuine, and both of the actors’ performances made the lines feel even more natural. I’m not the biggest fan of mockumentary-style films, but this one felt like it was a recording of my own life. Hyper-obsessive college grad with a Tumblr blog? Might as well have called out half the population of this damn site.

Pihalla (2017) dir. Nils-Erik Ekblom

Short Summary: Miku and Elias find themselves, and each other, during a summer in the Finnish countryside.

Why you should watch it: I’m a sucker for gays in the countryside™ and although this one is not quite up there with God’s Own Country and Call Me by Your Name, it still makes for a good watch. Miku as a character and his relationship with his parents was chaotic and fun. His relationship with Elias felt really natural and dreamy. 

You, Me and Him (2017) dir. Daisy Aitkens

Short Summary: Olivia, a mature responsible lawyer, wants to have a baby, but her girlfriend Alex isn’t ready for the responsibility. Things get even more complicated when their flirty neighbour, John, joins the picture. 

Why you should watch it: It is one of the most feel-good lesbian romcoms I have seen in a while. But I warn you, there are some dark parts that can really sneak up on you. Yeah, it’s hilarious, but damn it made me ugly cry, too. Oh, and if you want to see David Tennant as an alpha male douchebag, here’s your chance. (CW: **spoiler alert** p̶r̶e̶g̶n̶a̶n̶c̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶s̶s̶ )

Giant Little Ones (2018) dir. Keith Behrman 

Short Summary: Franky and Ballas have been best friends since childhood, both on the swimming team, both incredibly popular. But after an incident during Franky’s birthday, they quickly fall apart and Franky falls from grace.

Why you should watch it: I think the film captures just how tumultuous coming-of-age stories are. Franky is going through his own journey of self-identity, and I’m happy that the movie didn’t rush in with labels. The conversation Franky has with his dad at the end also hits hard.  (CW: physical assault, allusions to sexual assault)

Our Love Story (2016) dir. HyunJu Lee

Short Summary: A fine arts student meets an attractive bartender, and the two women begin an intimate relationship.

Why you should watch it: It’s a very intimate love story that isn’t rushed or dragged out for too long. We definitely see Yoon-Jo and Ji-Soo’s relationship bloom from start to end, but it’s not mind-numbingly boring to watch. Raw and unembellished, I definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a realistic portrayal of wlw romance.

Die Mitte der Welt (2016) dir. Jakob M. Erwa

Short Summary: The film follows Phil and his relationship with his family, his best friend, and a newcomer at his school, Nicholas.

Why you should watch it: This is technically a second watch for me, and I’m glad I rewatched it, because I was able to catch some glaring red flags that I missed the first time. I love this movie in spite of all the heartache it caused me. The story, especially the deal with Phil’s family, struck a chord in me. And the shots! Visually stunning as well! 

Les Amours Imaginaires (2010) dir. Xavier Dolan

Short Summary: Marie and Francis’ friendship is put to the test when a beautiful boy called Nicolas comes between them. 

Why you should watch it: Watch it for the visuals -- the colors, the costumes, the cast. Seriously, the actors included here may as well be kept in the Louvre: Xavier Dolan, Neils Schneider, Monia Chokri, hell, even a cameo from Louis Garrel! Dolan said it himself that this is a shallow film, but it’s worth the watch just to see Neils Schneider wearing heart-shaped glasses.

Closet Monster (2015)  dir. Stephen Dunn

Short Summary: A creative and driven teenager is desperate to escape his hometown and the haunting memories of his turbulent childhood.

Why you should watch it: Right off the bat, I am going to say that this film is dark. I tried watching it back in college but tapped out within the first ten minutes because something traumatic happens. Then I tried again about a week ago, finished it this time. It’s actually a very moving film. It’s violent and gory in some parts, but also ridiculous and wholesome in other parts. IT HAS A TALKING HAMSTER NAMED BUFFY! BUFFY WAS THE STAR OF THIS MOVIE FOR ME. (CW: gay bashing/sexual assault)

Straight Up (2020) dir. James Sweeney

Short Summary: Todd and Rory are intellectual soul mates. He might be gay but she might not care.

Why you should watch it: The dialogue in this film is undeniably sharp and witty. Loved the fast-paced back and forth between the two main characters as they discuss relationships, sex, gender, and more. James Sweeney and Katie Findlay’s chemistry just pulled you into the screen. It was funny, it was sweet, it was heartwrenching, it was great! (CW: allusions to sexual assault)

Latter Days (2003) dir. C. Jay Cox

Short Summary: A promiscuous gay party animal falls for a young Mormon missionary, leading to crisis, cliché, and catastrophe.

Why you should watch it: I saw this in santiagonex’s top 20 LGBTQ+ films with happy endings, and I honestly thought it was gonna be a feel-good watch. Instead, I got a rollercoaster melodrama filled with early 2000s gay culture, religious guilt, buttcheeks, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Needless to say, I got more than I bargained for. (CW: self-harm, conversion therapy)

The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Blythewood

Short Summary:  A covert team of immortal mercenaries are suddenly exposed and must now fight to keep their identity a secret just as an unexpected new member is discovered.

Why you should watch it: Okay, I was debating whether I should include this here, because it’s not necessarily an LGBTQ+ film as much as it is an action film with queer characters. I decided to include it, because JESUS! I have never seen such respectful and well-written representation of queer characters and relationships. Joe and Nicky are the most unproblematic couple in history. PERIOD. Pray for sequels, everyone. This is the kind of representation we deserve in mainstream media. 

. . .

Click here for more LGBTQ+ film recs

[pleathewrites]

boys, boys, boys

chapter 2: revelations

Summary: Does Iwaizumi have a thing for setters or do setters have a thing for Iwaizumi?

“Maybe Iwa-kun does have a thing for grey hair,” Sugawara muses, the tip of his index finger circling the rim of his drink. He’s got that signature sly smirk across the very lips that locked with Hajime's a decade ago. 

“Oh my God.” 

Hajime is seriously considering begging Oikawa to jump-serve a volleyball to his head and knock him clean out just so they can all stop having this conversation - ‘Hell, Tooru’s strong as hell now. Might knock the entire memory of this night right out of my brain, for good.’ 

“Hey, I just made out with him - and possibly gave him his gay awakening. But I wasn’t the one who convinced him to change his career.”

“Oh my God.”

“Wait, what are you - ”

“Daichi, baby, seriously, you need to go see that doctor. I am actively concerned about you developing early-onset Alzheimer's," Sugawara says, tucking a strand of Sawamura's hair behind his ear, his impish smirk melting into a fond smile, "Does Shiratorizawa ring any bells?”

“Hey, I have my own life to worry about! I’m not gonna keep track of someone else’s love life - no offense, Iwaizumi-san.”

“Hey, non-taken. Please, never think about my love life.”

Much to Hajime’s horror, Daichi’s expression turns contemplative, “Wait, actually, though -”

“Fuck -”

“… Grey hair, Shiratorizawa...” Daichi snaps his fingers and points his index at Iwaizumi with a much-too-proud smile on his face, completely unaware of the man’s rising irritation. “Yes, right! Iwaizumi, didn’t you..?” 

“Ugh, God, that one,” injects Oikawa. 

Hajime feels the vein on his forehead throb at Oikawa’s tone, “Kawa... why are you so shitty.” 

“Well, sorry, if I don’t like the edge-lord that busted my entire future!” 

“Oikawa… You are literally at the Olympics… for the second time...” 

“Yeah, with you on the opposing side,” Oikawa says with a closed throat, sliding out of the booth, and heading off to the direction of the entrance doors.

Hajime sighs.

 *

 Their loss to Shiratorizawa is soul-crushing - it always is. 

‘Always’ - that’s the most crushing thing, Hajime despairs, ‘We always lose to that school.’ And Hajime feels the blow, of course, he's devastated, but it’s not personal, hell, it’s not even for his team - ‘God, I’m such a shitty Vice-Captain.’  

No, the absolute heartbreak he feels is for Tooru.

Hajime loves his team, he believes every single member has outrageous talent, but he knows that all their abilities combined, including his own, wouldn’t even hold a candle to Oikawa’s blinding torch.

Shiratorizawa is a school for rising champions, Abo Johsai is a school for kids with talent.  

Oikawa Tooru is on a completely different level, it's a fact - he outranks his own team. It keeps Hajime up at night because he knows that if Oikawa had a team that matched his talent and ability, he would never have to experience such consistent defeat. 

In times like these, Hajime feels shameful and useless, ‘How long will I hold Oikawa back?’

Hajime knows Oikawa. He knows he’s the real reason Oikawa chose Abo Josai, that because Hajime wasn’t good enough to get into Shiratorizawa, Oikawa shackled himself to a team that weighs more than he can carry. It reminds Hajime of those free-body-diagrams from physics class that Oikawa had to explain to him ten times over; Oikawa is the upward force, striving for victory at the speed of light, Hajime is the opposing frictional force, and Abo Johsai is plain gravity times mass times sine (or was it cosine?). Hajime only managed to scrape a B- in that class, so the only answer he can give this problem is that Oikawa isn't going anywhere, any time soon. 

A harsh slap to his back snaps Hajime out of his thoughts. He jumps with the force of it and doesn’t even have to turn his head to know who’s hand is laying firmly between his shoulder blades. He keeps his eyes downcast, but Oikawa - a true Captain - doesn’t force Hajime to look at him when he firmly whispers, “Next time, Iwa-chan. We’ll get ‘em.”

Their coach takes the team for ramen, gives them a speech about being proud and working hard, all while Oikawa is making faces at Hajime from across the table and, slowly, Hajime begins to let himself smile.

Halfway through dinner, Hajime feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Thinking it’s his mother asking when he’ll be home, Hajime turns on the lockscreen and sees it’s an Instagram notification. He unlocks his phone and swipes down his Notifications - Hajime had to reset his phone notifications to conceal messages ever since becoming friends with Sugawara Koushi because the boy has zero filter and he doesn’t need his mom accidentally seeing messages with eggplant and squirting emojis, encouraging Hajime to make ‘his move’, whatever that means. 

EITA (@notsemisemi) has requested to follow you.

Now, Hajime is confused. He doesn’t even remember the last time he posted a picture on Instagram - he only really made the account because Oikawa started crying about, “Iwa-chan, I want to tag you in this picture, people should know that you’re capable of smiling! Everyone else has an Instagram, let me make you one, you won’t even have to do anything!” - so he’s not really sure how or why a random person requested to follow him.

'Maybe it's a spam account?'

He looks closely at the username and tries to think if he knows anyone with that name. When nothing comes to mind, he clicks on the person’s account and is met with very aesthetically angsty selfies of a grey-haired boy with sharp eyebrows and deep collarbones. ‘

He’s kind of…’ Hajime tries to think of the right words. He wants to say ‘pretty’, but that doesn’t feel right - Sugawara is pretty, Oikawa is pretty. Pretty people are soft and round and peppy. This guy is… 

‘Hot.’ 

And weirdly familiar. 

He elbows Matsukawa, who’s sitting on his right, and turns his phone screen towards the boy, “Do you know this guy?”

“Hmph?” Matsukawa’s lazy eyes roam over his screen and he swallows his food before speaking, “Yeah, isn’t that the reserve setter? He came in as a sub when Oikawa hit Shiratorizawa’s main setter.” 

Like a self-conscious self-absorbed bat, whenever Oikawa’s name is merely uttered, the boy in question will hear it, no matter what he's doing, “Eh? Oikawa hit who? I swear, it couldn't have been me, I’m a pacifist!” And he proceeds to put his hands up in surrender. 

The lightbulb goes off in Hajime's head, “Oh! When Oikawa jump-served the ball at that small guy’s face? With the uneven bangs?” He makes a downward sloping motion across his forehead. 

“Yeah, that one,” Matsukawa points to the phone screen, “Pretty sure that’s the guy who subbed for the rest of the set.” 

“Yeah…” Hajime trails, before adding softly, “He was good… Wonder why their coach didn't give him more playtime.”

Oikawa’s quick-clapping hands bring Hajime out of his thoughts, “Oh! I know what we’re talking about now! First off, I didn’t hit Shorty, he wasn’t fast enough, that’s the consequence of the game! Also, why are we talking about this?”

“Iwaizumi is on the sub’s Instagram page.”

Oikawa squeaks, “Is this about your grey-hair-slash-old-man fetish?!”

Hajime groans and facepalms, “No, oh my God, stop telling people I have a fetish, Shittykawa! He followed me.”

“Block him!” 

Hajime sighs, locks his phone, and puts it away, “Just forget it.”

“Hmph. That guy’s not even first string. What does he want with our ace?”

Hanamaki joins in, “I wonder why he’s not first string, though. I’m pretty sure he’s a third year, he’s been there every time we played against them. 'M pretty sure that Shorty is definitely a second year.”

Oikawa’s face turns from snooty to serious and he crosses his arms, “He’s good, but he lacks instinct. His technique is fine, but he doesn’t have what Shorty does. Maybe if he worked harder, but from the looks of it tonight, he doesn’t want it bad enough. He’s not on Shiratorizawa’s level - maybe he was once, but not anymore.”

'Not on Shiratorizawa’s level… Sounds like we might have something in common, after all.’

That night, before Hajime goes to sleep, he accepts EITA’s follow request and follows him back.

continue to read chapter