#✦ — • thewholecrew • nate •

[deathvisited]

12 years of letters

9 years after leaving

it's your 9th birthday and i'm trying to imagine what you would be interested in. do you like reading? do you enjoy monsters and fairytales? do you love horses? do you like disney movies? or are you into superheroes and villains? do you like marvel and comic books? are you into riding dirt bikes or are you playing with dolls? there is so much I don't know about you my beautiful girl, and yet I like to sit here and imagine that you are doing something that you love. that your dad is making this the best day of the year, as it should be, that he is celebrating the gift of you in his life. i can't imagine anything else, you are to me a blessing, each and every day. and so today, on your ninth birthday, I wish you nothing but happiness and joy, that you smile so brightly and widely that your face hurts, that you laugh until your stomach aches, and I wish more than anything that my absence doesn't dim your day. i hope my shadow doesn't darken your brightness, I hope that you can forget about me, to run and play, whether it's with dolls or toy soldiers and that you are spoiled as much as your dad can provide.

i cannot wait until i'm able to share your birthday with you, if I ever get that gift I promise I won't take it for granted. if I was able to this day would be entirely about you, we'd go out and do whatever you wanted, you'd be able to pick out anything and there would be no such thing as 'no' for you today. i would shower you with love and kisses, i'd have woken you up with your favourite breakfast food and you'd be off school today. i'd love nothing more than to spend the day sitting and giggling with you about everything and anything, and I miss you more than words can say. i cannot wait to meet you Fia and I can only hope that you don't hate me. if you do I'll understand that, I really will, there is no explanation that will make sense for you right now, but one day it might, when you're older. but I'm doing this for you, and more than anything I wish that I could be with you.

as always you are with me every day, of every minute, of every breath, and you always will be my beautiful, beautiful girl.

10 years after abduction

do you remember that time that we snuck into the movie theatre and spent the afternoon there? we watched every movie they had on offer and no one figured us out. i felt so free then, so wild, as if we could conquer the world. i thought you were the height of cleverness, that I had never met a man that's soul sang so closely to my own. it wasn't long after that that I realized there was a difference between us. you're ... not soft, but kind, tender, you err on the side of being gentle whereas I don't think I have any gentleness in me. i think my mother burned it out right alongside my self respect and dignity. i think it was abandoned in the back of a room where I had to take my clothes off and do what I was told. i believe I shed that gentleness when I realized that fia would never be safe from my mother. that she would be hunted, and hurt, and used, like I had been.

i have many regrets nate, leaving you is not one of them.

i've spent 10 years getting everything together to eventually come back, and yet now.... well. i don't know if I have the gentleness to face my daughter if she is anything like you. what if she sees nothing but the bitter twisted corpse that I am remaining? what if you see that? i am terrified of presenting myself to the both of you, but I also know that I am too selfish to stay away. i believe you're happy, I have to. if you're not I have nothing but apologies, but I can promise you that the bitter twisted monster I have become isn't your doing, and I only hope that you benefit from it.

i hope that you are able to recognize me when I walk back into your life and don't gasp in horror and fear at the changes that I have wrought in myself.

i hope that you are able to see the girl that you lit up and turned into something so very different from the broken mirror I had been. you patched me together once without even realizing it, and although I don't expect you to do it again I have hope. then again you might just send me away when you see me and how could I fault you for that?

i am scared beyond words to face you.

11 years after abduction

i'm almost done, and that terrifies me, I have spent so long with this plan, so meticulously long, and I can't even get praise for it. no one will know, not even you, if you ever get this. i do not want to see the horror in your eyes, or the fear on your face when you realize what i can do, what i will do to protect my family. because you are my family. i refuse to think of you or fia as anything else, and i will make sure you are safe. by any means necessary. i refuse to live in a world where you may be in danger and so I'll make certain that you won't be.

i hope that you can forgive me.

i hope that i can forgive myself.

i hope that you don't hate me.

*scribbled out words* because i hate me, I hate myself every day I look at her and know that she drove me to this, but I also love her and seeing her slow decay has killed me right alongside her

i love you. i love fia. i loved our family and sooner than later I'll be with you again. please just give me a chance to explain, please forgive me at least for protecting the both of you.

@thewholecrew

[headstrongblake]

was any of it true? / kass & nick / @thewholecrew

 every second nick's been locked away from kassy is painful, but nothing compared to the stabbing sensation that works its way through his body at the sight of her when she does come see him. of what he’s done to her. now, staring back at the agony he’s caused her, he’d do anything to take it back. but he can't. this was the only option. now, all he has left is his effort to convince her that he hasn't been lying. they are his people. his chosen family. people he'd do anything to protect, especially from his father. ever since she's entered his cell, she's kept a distance, but as she crosses to him, hissing to know if anything he's said or done this past months has been true, he feels a tiny trickle of relief. she may look at him with hate right now. but love and hate were such a thin line, this he could work with.

"every moment," nick confessed. "every second i've been near you, all of it is true, kassy, you've gotta believe me." he deserves the cruel scoff, and her disbelieving gaze. but he continues, unwavering from his position, "you don't understand my da...he's a bloody brilliant hunter, he would've made sure. he..." nick strained against his metal shackles, wishing he could be closer to her as his voice filled with painful emotion, "you would've stayed dead, and he woulda kept octavia like some kind of animal, caged. torturing her until he knew exactly how to kill her. the only one who might've gotten away unscathed is grant and only, only because he fades away like ash," his voice broke, unable to continue his rambles as a defeated sigh left his body, leaning against the dungeon wall. anguish filled his eyes as he looked at kassy, watching how despairingly his choice weighed on her. if he could have foreseen any other option that never would have left kassy heartbroken, he would've done it. but this...there was no other choice. it's the only way he could ensure their safety and he had to. he had to protect them.

"are they..." nick's eyes lowered for the first time, unwilling to hold her furious gaze as his guilt festered, swamping him with grief as his jaw clenched tightly. he'll never be able to erase the image of grant's disintegrating body. the sound of octavia's horrific screams as he fell to the ground. how betrayed she looked as she slowly died at his feet. god, he hated how cruel he had to appear before his father. how much he had to hide his heart behind steel to not break as kassy and the others died by his very hand. thank god for nate. it was hard enough to end octavia, even temporarily. he knew he didn't have it in him should he hold kassy's fate in his hands. at the thought of nate, instant panic surged through him, head snapping up as his eyes looked past kassy to the darkness. was nate alive? surely he had to be. if he was, that had to mean nate was too. just locked up like he would remain. that calmed the race in his heart a touch until his regretful yes met kassy. "are they awake...?" he asked, refraining from asking if grant or octavia were okay.

[deathvisited]

3 months after being taken

her hand shook as it held the pen, her eyes lifting to look at her closed and locked door before swivelling to the camera in the corner. biting her lip she scooted up the bed, raising her knees and using them as a desk before she started writing.

"hey baby girl, you'll be a year old in a month, and I can hardly believe it. i know you probably won't ever believe me but I wanted to see your first birthday, watch you smash vanilla cake in your cute chubby face, hear you laugh and giggle when your daddy picked you up. i didn't want to leave baby girl, i know no matter what you're gonna have the best birthday ever. I'm sorry i won't be there to see you go through this milestone, and while I'm not there physically i am mentally, i won't forget. I'll light a candle for you. and i know you probably don't understand why I'm not there, that you probably miss me, but momma's trying to save you from the same fate i went through. i will protect you, and I've come to accept that where i am right now that's the best thing i can do. you have been the best thing that ever happened to me." she sniffled, wiping her cheeks as tears rolled down them, leaning back and biting her lip. things had been hard for a long time with fia, she'd struggled a lot, she knew she had, she hadn't always been the best mom, but she'd done her very best. she was still struggling with everything, and the fact that she had to hide all of it just made it all the harder. "i know that your daddy has probably talked to you about me, but if he hasn't don't blame him too much, you know? he's doing his best to look after his family, he's always done that. you are in the best place i could hope for, and i just wish i was there with you."

6 months after being taken

verity was nursing the bruise with a glass of scotch sitting beside her before her eyes slid to her desk. she wrote fia every week as a sort of ritual these days, but today she felt drained, tired, worn down. her eyes closed as she took another sip of her drink, her hands shaking. she didn't know if she could do this, it was all so much worse that she had remembered. maybe it was the distance of time that helped soften the edges of cruelty and lack of empathy she encountered, a way to stay sane after having survived it. she had to get back in her mothers good graces sooner or later and then maybe she'd stop being put on the floor. maybe that would be enough. laying her head down on her desk she cried silently, her shoulders still. any sign of weakness and her mother would hold it against her. she needed a break, and tonight had been anything but that. rising a little unsteadily from her vanity she picked her way across her clothes strewn room to her bed before digging out the journal. she had no privacy anymore, at least before she'd been able to hide in her bedroom but now there was an extremely visible camera, and more that she likely couldn't see. still.... she pulled out the fairytale book she'd hollowed out, the letters inside it before setting her drink on the night table beside her.

"hey you, i've been too scared to write you I think...... i know you don't understand, and why would you? i never told you exactly what my life was before I was gone. i never wanted you to know, or look at me differently, I didn't want to see the pity in your eyes. i wanted you to be my sanctuary and maybe I made it so that that was too true. you didn't know, and you didn't understand the fear and horror I felt when I looked down at our little girl and was so scared that i'd ruin her. i didn't hold that against you, but I was failing you, and fia, and myself. i wanted to be the best wife I could be, and yea.... we were young, oh so young to have a little girl, but I wanted to be your fairytale dream girl, so fun and bright and bubbly while I raised our child and instead of I was dark and full of nightmares. i felt lost, like I wasn't myself anymore --- the self i'd found with you --- and that you couldn't see that, that you didn't care and I was jealous of both fia's relationship with you and your relationship and dedication to her. i wouldn't have wanted it any other way, but everything seemed to come so effortlessly to you, and I was just ruining everything. i didn't leave, I was taken and maybe that's how I should start this, explaining my life and who I am and what I was made to be. because that's what I am, a construct of my mothers wishes, her desire for power, and the way she thought she could get it. she had me simply because she wanted someone that could replicate her life but do it better, I was trained the same way she was, I was made to be her mirror image, except I was a little broken, a little crooked, not the perfect daughter she wanted. she started grooming when I was 7, and it just progressed from there. when we found each other I was running from her, I know you never pried and I appreciated that, but..... my life was a living horror show of both hating my mother and loving her endlessly and hoping for her approval. she took me, and she didn't know about you and fia and..... i don't think I can come back until shes gone, it's too dangerous. she'd see fia as another chance to make the perfect daughter and I can't allow that. i hope that one day, if you ever get this, you'll forgive me because i don't know if i can forgive myself. i love you. i love fia. i loved our family and maybe you really are better off without the taint of me in your life."

@thewholecrew

[deathvisited]

they're gonna love you . like i do . / nate & ver fae --- @thewholecrew

verity had insecurities that ate at her as she looked out over the sea of faces that had gathered in sebastians lands. it had become a refuge for those refugee's that were escaping from nates lands and now.... she sucked in a breath smoothing down her dress. her palms were sweaty and her skin was running with goosebumps, if any of them were from rifthold they'd know her, they'd be aware of the fact of what and who she'd been, possibly. how would they look at her then if they did? moreover what if they found out after the fact? their king with a whore? she shuddered, blue eyes closing as her hands gripped the banister of the balcony she was looking out over. she was hidden from the crowds but now..... she gasped sharply as arms wrapped around her from behind, jumping as she looked over her shoulder. "nate," she breathed his name as relief washed over her.

he looked beautiful in the golden outfit that kassy had had made with for him, this wasn't a formal cornoration but it was a presentation to the people he'd be ruling one day. she was.... not fit to be a queen, maybe a consort, but nate wouldn't hear a thing about it, every time she said a single thing raising concerns about how she'd be regarded he'd dismiss it. then again.... "i don't know if i should go out there with you," she murmured, turning in his arms and hands smoothing up his chest to fix his collar. "i think it'll make too much of a statement," his hands settled on her waist as she fiddled with his collar which was already perfect from whoever had helped him get into this get-up.

"so what?" he asked, his hands smoothing up and down her sides, her hair tickling the back of his hands as she tipped her head back and looked up at him. "so you know i'm nervous about how they'll feel about me," she murmured, eyes avoiding looking directly into his green ones and instead focusing on his clothing and smoothing the lapels down of the long jacket. "so maybe i should just.... stay away from the presentation, they don't need to meet me, they want to meet their king, they want hope," she emphasized the last word because it was true. it was dark times with everyone fleeing from their country and into fae and having to cross these strange lands by themselves after living in a completely human world.

his hands smoothed up her back until he gripped her head carefully so as not to muss her hair and the flower crown that alec had woven through the braid that ringed her head. "they're gonna love you, like i do," his words were reassuring but..... she sucked in a breath as he bent to kiss her, eyes falling closed as he deepened it. the sweetness of it all almost made her want to cry, tears burning behind her eyes when he broke it. "i want you there with me because you will be my queen," his face winced at the word and she grinned, knowing he hated being referred to as king, even though that was exactly what he was going to be. "so we go together or i don't go at all." and how was she supposed to not go with him and deny him this chance to see his people? to make them real to him? "alright, fine, but leave those words alone," she said, stepping back and smoothing down the blue dress that draped her in grecian like folds. "lets go before i lose my nerve."

[deathvisited]

who would you rather hate you for the rest of your life? nate or fia? - to verity

she wouldn't ever hate either of them, honestly. who could i see her potentially hating? nate. absolutely. while her relationship with fia is strained at times because she was absent verity did absolutely fucking everything for her daughter. she could not image hating her in any world honestly. she can't ever see herself hating nate either, but if she had to pick one it'd be him. her daughter is her shining light and she'd do absolutely atrocious things to make sure she was always safe and secure, and if protecting fia meant hating nate (or letting him hate her) she'd absolutely do that without another thought.

@thewholecrew

[deathvisited]

❛  stop being so stubborn. i'm trying to help you.  ❜ / nate

she glared at him as she wrapped the bandage around her hand, teeth gritted. "i don't need your help," she spit. she'd only gotten herself into this situation because of him in the first place! she didn't put herself at risk ever, and it had only been because of him she'd even agreed to this stupid job him and his gang had cooked up. they were being led by psychopaths and one of them was an addict, how were they supposed to have good plans? he tsked at her and took her hand firmly in his own ignoring her words with a dismissive wave.

'you need to clean this,' he pointed out calmly which honestly just made her want to hit him. "i wouldn't have gotten cut if your friend hadn't broken that vase," she pointed out, even as she squirmed and gritted her teeth as he poured alcohol over the wound on her hand. it had been a silly plan, and she'd told him that, but she'd followed along with it because he'd been going and he was too dumb to say no to them.

that wasn't fair, he was much street smarter than she was, and he'd assured her they'd make it out fine, and they had. other than her hand getting cut and almost getting caught. she pouted as she started wrapping her hand up again, blue eyes looking up at him with a sigh as her anger slowly seeped away. "why can't i stay mad at you?" she huffed, her knees on either side of him giving him a squeeze. his smile was breath stopping, mind tilting, world changing as she looked at her with those green eyes. 'cause i'm just always right,' he teased which had her laughing, her pain easing with it. he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand before patting it. 'there all good,' he murmured as he held onto her hand.

"i still think it was a dumb idea to sneak in through the window when i could have gotten in through the front door," she huffed, flexing her hand with a small wince before hopping down off the box he'd deposited her on. 'yea, but that wouldn't have been as much fun.' probably not, but she wasn't ever going to admit that to him.

[deathvisited]

❛ could this be a trap ? ❜ / nate & seb fae --- @thewholecrew

they had been travelling for about three days and as they went towards his lands they were getting to the point they'd all have to split. that discussion had went about as well as one could expect but it wasn't safe to bring both of them, regardless of whether or not they were mated and didn't want to be separated, it just wasn't safe. they'd both trusted him enough to listen to him this far but he wasn't surprised when nate rode up to join him. the silence was thick and heavy as they rode and sebastian did nothing to break it. he was leaving his own people behind to present verity to the queen, partly because it was his duty and he didn't want to bring kassy and her people into the danger of the court, and partly because it was the little that he could to appease her.

he didn't trust her anymore, he'd realized that after he'd found verity with grant, his trust had been fracturing for years and had started 22 years ago when she'd refused to help the fae stuck in nate's fathers lands and now..... "could this be a trap?" nates words broke the silence and had sebastian looking over at him as they rode before giving a slow nod. "it could be," he admitted. "but the chances of it being this obvious are very low." he added. "it's true the queen would love to get her hands on another water fae and verity is special in the sense that she doesn't just heal... she's strong nate, in a way we haven't seen in years. just like you are," he looked back over at nate, a brow raising. he knew the boy had trouble with his powers and there was a fear there, but he needed to master them.

they were running out of time and he wasn't sure how he knew that, but he could feel it like a weight in the air. this trip to the queens court was going to be a turning point. "the queen tends to work in the shadows though and this would be a little too obvious i believe." he let out a sigh before looking up at the sky where hawthorne was flying. "but her father will be there and if anyone would protect your girl as well as you it'd be him, hmm?" he glanced over at the blonde fae with a small grin. "a week or two at the court and then you'll be reunited, i'm sure your left hand will provide all the attention you need," he added in a teasing voice.

[headstrongblake]

∗ 15: sender and receiver make eye contact across a busy room. / grant & o / @thewholecrew

there were whispers and rumours that grant had returned to their city, but truthfully, octavia didn't believe they held any weight. even when atom told her he'd seen him with nick. it couldn't be true. this place was so far from anywhere he'd ever come back to...grant swore repeatedly that trying to bring him home was useless. & he was right. this city...it's not his home. not where he'd ever come back. there's no reason to believe he'd ever be back until octavia swore it was his eyes she locked with across the busy room. painfully, her heart clenched in her chest, splintering in all directions as she blinked, shifting her gaze away briefly. it's not grant, she repeats in her mind, just her stupid heart still playing tricks. but as she looked back, the person was gone, igniting her curiosity further.

without thought, octavia offered nate a quick, i'll be back before she disappeared into the sea of people, pushing through as her eyes searched for him. it's not possible. it can't be grant. but as octavia slipped outside into the night, her heart quickened. a tidal wave of emotions crashed into her as the man strolled down the street. even with his back to her, it's like her soul knew. fury, love, heartbreak, relief and rage cemented her in place, suffocating her as she watched him walk away. it's him.

against her better judgement, her heart hammered in her chest as she followed grant at a distance, watching his back as he wandered down the sidewalk. it's a bad idea to follow him like this. to be near him. but if he's here...she refuses to believe it's because he's finally come to his senses after months away, realizing that the people who had loved him were here. no. she refused to believe it because she saw him. saw the hate and the rage that took over his honey eyes, darkening them with a coldness she'd never seen. he doesn't love them. he shot at them. which leaves a bitter taste in her mouth as he climbs into the driver seat of his truck. if he's here...would garrett soon follow? was that monster already here waiting in the shadows to create more damage? as she approached the truck, her hand coiled behind her back on her gun, all she knew was she couldn't let that happen. garrett had nearly broken nick. stolen everything from her. grant and him are not about to have that chance with anyone else she cares about again.

swiftly, octavia pulled open the passenger door, launching herself into the seat as she drew her weapon. under the cover of darkness, cold emerald hues stared across from her at grant's features up close and too personal. her elbow quickly hit the lock button, trapping him for a moment as she turned in her seat to him. "what the hell are you doing here?" octavia instantly demanded to know with her steady grip on her gun, the safety switched off. his golden gaze locked with hers, but she does her best to ignore the surprise and perhaps hurt in his features as he realizes their situation. octavia... "no," octavia cut him off quickly, not wanting to hear anything he had to say unless it was an answer to her question. her steady grip tightened, finger hovering over the trigger. "just answer the question, are you here with garrett? are you working here with him?"

[headstrongblake]

what did you say your last name was? / nate & octavia / @thewholecrew

darkened emerald hues glared at the man in front of her, the tip of her dagger fully tapping just underneath his chin before she directed the tip towards his jugular. " i didn't. " she said without a hint of amusement. too wary of how this stranger had gotten down into the clubhouse without being seen, let alone who he was. as far as she was aware, the gang hadn't opened their doors to any new members. & maybe she doesn't know for sure. it's not like they run their operations by her or anything. perhaps he is a new member but in all honestly, she's still reeling from the way kassy had been attacked in her own home by the creep who thought she owed him something. no, once again, unless octavia knew the person directly...everyone looked suspicious. especially strangers poking around in her family's clubhouse.

" if i'm not back up there in the next ten minutes...my people are going to come down here, so, guess you've got....oh, i don't know, " octavia pondered, narrowing her eyes as she kept her knife steady. she told kassy & grant she just needed a minute away from the thundering music and that she was going to grab her jacket she'd left in the clubhouse earlier before having a toke outside. eventually...they'd come looking for her. " let's say five minutes to convince me you're not some threat...or...they'll kill you." she shrugged casually. " if you evade that, then maybe you might get a name. " though she severely doubted it.

[headstrongblake]

they knew we were coming. / bell & nick / @thewholecrew

for years nick's trained as a soldier. lived in war zones. lived with jacob and all his brutality. but as the group of them overtake this fucking hydra base that acts more like a prison, moving swiftly through it because there's not one alive person in sight, nick has never seen anything like this. he's seen different torture chambers but this whole place reeks of death. all the cages are empty. medical labs bloody but empty. the entire place is a ghost town except for the dead hydra agents throughout the place.

crystal hues shift between nate and bellamy. with no hostile movement so far, nick trades his weapon to one hand, hooking his gun strap around his shoulder as his feet halt on scattered documents that line the floor. he bends to check the uniforms of the dead men and women more carefully, noting their hydra black. "they knew we were coming." nick glanced over his shoulder to bellamy with a solemn nod. "someone knew something...they're all hydra." he scoffed, shaking his head. it doesn't make sense unless someone else had gotten here before them. & none of the dead hydra agents appear to be any solace to bellamy because their mission remains uncompleted. another dead fucking end.

this mission seems hopeless until his eyes scan over a few of the documents. his fingers move some papers, brows furrowing at the hydra experiments. god, this place is fucked up. "blake..." nick started, eyes still scanning over the medical jargon he doesn't understand but keeps circling back to the ability these people were analyzing. a test subject that appeared to suck the air from rooms, killing and immobilizing people with touch. "check this, i don't think we were wrong about this place." as he stood, nick stretched out the documents to bellamy to take. "that sound like your sister?" he asked.

[headstrongblake]

i didn't choose this town. / nate & o / @thewholecrew

her eyes sparkled beneath the city lights, widening as she glanced at nate beside her. "really? so, you didn't grow up here then?" she asked with a hidden amazement in her voice. besides a few vacations or adventures with their group of friends outside city limits, octavia had never been anywhere but here. sitting on top of the roof of the nightclub, octavia could practically feel the vibrations feeding the energy in her soul. it's something octavia's always needed. loud noise to drown out any quiet. but, despite her need for chaos and danger, as octavia looked out at the line of patrons waiting to gain entrance to their club, she wondered if she would have chosen this town if given a chance. had she not grown up here, what would that life look like? perhaps less trauma and a hell of a lot less heartbreak...in another town, she never would have met grant. never would have had the chance to fall in love with him or be left by him. but then again, she never would have met her best friend, or nick, or alec, or any of the others if she'd been born elsewhere.

"saying you didn't choose this town sounds so ominous, you gonna get all serious on me now, nathan?" she smirked, teasing him with his full name before she took a sip of her twisted tea. octavia turned her body so that her legs were no longer dangling off the ledge of the hvac unit on the roof, instead crossing them to face nate. "all right, you've got my attention; let's hear it. where'd you grow up? and how the hell did you end up here?"

she offered her half-finished can to nate before octavia raked a hand through her hair, shrugging casually as she did, "cause let's face it, no one chooses this town..." not when it was filled with a vast criminal underbelly.

[deathvisited]

 your muse telling mine they love them during. / nate & ver

sex had always been easy for her, which maybe that was odd considering her childhood and early teenage years, but it was usually meaningless. you could have sex, it'd feel good and then you moved on. when she'd first met nate it had only been that, and then it had evolved into more, feelings that she didn't want started to develop and she hated it. she'd been angry at him, and at herself. who was she to get attached to anyone? but then she'd started craving his affection, his attention, and yet..... she'd found herself searching him out, walking casually past the places his gang hung out until he'd spot her and come jogging over. god she hated his grin, the easy puppy dog eyes he gave her. it wasn't fair.

looking down at him now as her body moved and her breaths came in heated pants she hated him, mostly because he made her feel and she didn't want to feel. it was dangerous to care about anyone, love was a weapon that she was supposed to wield and yet she found the blade of it pressed tight against her throat. it had been a mistake coming here today, finding him and luring him to her car.

"i hate you," she whispered the words as she bent to kiss him, nails scratching down his chest as her hips moved and he groaned beneath her. he knew just how to hold her, grip tight enough to ache but not so tight as to restrict her movements as she rode him. her nails dug in harder causing a soft yelp to leave him as she whispered the words again. "i hate you so fucking much," he laughed softly as he caught her mouth, flipping them as his hand ran up her body and gripped her throat. "sure thing, sweetheart," he whispered, lips touching her own as she arched under him. another reason to hate him, he never believed her when she told him something.

it didn't stop a moan from leaving her lips as he moved just right, his other hand stroking her body in just the way she liked it and that wasn't fair either! she supposed she should be grateful that he cared enough to learn, and yet it just made her hate him all the more. his lips brushed her own before deepening the kiss and her eyes sparked with tears, her nails digging into his back as he brought them both over the edge. her world shattered and came together again as she panted, his hands stroking along her skin and teasing her through the ecstasy she felt. it was the softly whispered words against her throat that made her eyes spill over and her arms wrap around him, his quiet 'i love you' had her hugging him tighter as she caught his lips to stop him from saying it again.

because she loved him too and it scared her senseless.

@thewholecrew

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew : would you drink with me for a while? / kass & nick

nick's rings tap along the bottle in his hand as he sits on the balcony, overlooking the forests and land his daughter was lucky enough to grow up on for six months of the year. here, he knows the rules. while simone could never cut him off entirely, he understands that this home his ex has created for their daughter is a haven. a world away from all that terrible shit he's brought into their lives by being a soldier, now mercenary. he's already on thin ice for bringing the merry band of misfits with him while he ventured to italy to see his family, so he's much more agreeable to simone's requests. for delilah, he hasn't even cracked the bottle yet. has waited until much later in the evening when he knew she wouldn't wake to find him slumped in a chair with whiskey on his breath.

"pretty late to be sauntering in there," nick muttered to whoever was moving quietly through the hallway, but a half smirk grew on his lips when kassy and her sour features poked out of the house. after the past few months together, nick's studied everyone's habits, and if there was one thing he knew about this group— none of them kept a regular sleeping schedule. perhaps kassy might sleep the most alongside nate, but nick couldn't fault them for it. he'd been pretty on edge if, after five months, he had not found a single lick of evidence on where his daughter was. "share one?" nick asked, holding up his recently lit smoke.

although kassy joined him for a smoke, as she often did, the pair of them sat mostly in silence, sharing the smoke back and forth until it was nearly finished. "you guys lemme know if you need anythin' while we're here, make yourselves comfortable but uh, let's keep the adult shit away from my kid, alright?" nick stated then as he offered the small bit of smoke back to kassy and stood. while delilah knew all she could comprehend about her father's job at eight years old, he didn't need any of them bringing their shit about alec and octavia to the forefront when she was around. gently, nick touched kassy's shoulder, "try to get some sleep." he said, but before his hand slid off her shoulder, her voice drew his attention. would you drink with me for a while?

nick's brows drew together at the heavy weight that kassy seemed to carry in her voice. it isn't often she asks for much of anything. while his smirk slowly dipped, instead of retreating inside to a guest room, he nodded, lowering himself back into the patio chair. "not gonna say no to an offer like that," he agreed lightly, finally cracking the seal on his whiskey bottle he'd taken from one of simone's generously stocked bars. "wanna tell me what we're drinkin' to?" he asked curiously as he poured a drink for kassy in the glass he was going to use earlier, sliding it across the glass table to her. he did the same for himself before watching her under the glow of the outdoor lights, slowly sipping on his drink.

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew / things seem to be going well with you two. / grant & nick

"ugh, no, not that one, i said a three quarter inch, not a half inch," nick groaned exasperatedly at nate, shaking his head as he stood up from the garage floor to wander toward one of his standing toolboxes that nate had come back from. low music played from his record player as he pushed tools aside, digging through the metal tools to find the three quarter inch socket he'd initially sent nate for. "see this one," nick said, holding up the socket before he tossed it across the open space to nate. "alright, put that one on, and try it out," he said without making his way back to nate to join him on the ground again. instead, he moved to the garage couch, sinking down beside grant.

things seem to be going well with you two. instantly, nick rolled his eyes, reaching across grant to grab his open beer bottle before he settled down into the couch, sipping on the drink as he watched nate fumble a little before he began working on his bike once more. anything would be better than how nick used to react to the new kid's presence. before the two men disappeared, leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces. "yeah, yeah, whatever, the kid needed help with the bike and i couldn't in good conscience let him ruin it," he muttered toward grant.

although he wouldn't admit it out loud, it was nice to share his garage and knowledge with nate lately. sure, the kid still annoyed him. but after the way nate handled himself while he'd been gone for months chasing after his brother, who, thankfully, now sat at his side, perhaps nate deserved the benefit of the doubt. after all, he clearly had been telling the truth in the beginning...no harm had come to kassy, or octavia, or any of his people at nate's hand. no...the only trouble the girls come across, none of them had been around for. with a heavy sigh, nick shrugged, pulling himself out of the cycle of thoughts that usually have him needing a special smoke to numb him out. "he's aight, not gonna give him any awards for his bartending or mechanic skills but he's learnin'," nick said with a nod, watching nate's movements as he finally got the crumbling exhaust pipe loose. "'sides he's gotta be somewhat okay or else blake woulda killed him before he moved in with tavia."

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew / i waited for you all this time, and you never showed. / trin & dealers choice

between helping nick through his withdrawal period, keeping it a secret from nearly everyone so far, and dealing with having to see grant again and all that entailed plus work combined? to say octavia was drained in all capacities was an understatement. but finally, with nick through the worst of his pain and safely under grant's watch, octavia had time to spend a few hours at home. all she needed was her own shower, her own bedsheets, and a few moments to herself.

an exhausted groan sounded in her throat as she pushed through her loft door, noting the lights on. her brows furrowed — nate must still be home. but as she kicked her shoes off haphazardly by the door, green hues flickered to trinity's blonde hair as the girl sat up from the oversized couch. her teeth clenched tightly as her heart began to race. trinity. crap, she had told her that despite the busyness of the last week, she would make time for her last night. that she would be at the loft waiting for trinity. but nick had had a rough afternoon that drained into the evening and by the time grant and her had gotten him into a more restful state, she couldn't bring herself to leave. "trinity...trin, hey..."

regret filled her gaze as octavia set her bike keys on the side table, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth as she thought of what to say. i waited for you all this time, and you never showed. her heart clenched painfully in her chest. hearing the hurt in trinity's voice because it's clear she's been here waiting for far too long. "i know, i'm sorry." octavia offered her genuinely, but without a further explanation. nick's business...was not hers to tell. nor did she think he would want her to share this moment that he saw as a monstrous failure with anyone outside his core people. "i meant to be here last night, i wanted to..." her voice quieted then, hues falling from trinity's doe eyes that caused guilt to flood throughout her.

with a slow breath out, octavia wandered toward trinity, standing halfway between the living room and kitchen. despite nick and grant's return to the city, she was determined not to let that derail the life she had built over the past few months. a determination she held tightly to as her hand reached to take trinity's, gently smoothing her thumb over the top of her hand. "works been throwing these complicated curve balls at me a lot lately, but, it's going to settle...i promise it will." octavia spoke softly, only able to offer trinity half truths.

[headstrongblake]

❝ you’re clearly exhausted. you can go in the morning. ❞ / bell & o / @thewholecrew

despite being nearly four hours late, pushing her movie plans with her big brother much further into the night than she meant to, octavia still managed to make it to the old apartment building. she shook her head and teased her brother nearly instantly upon entry about how not a single thing in the apartment looked any different than it had before she moved out and into her loft. though oddly enough, it was comforting. after all the things that had changed this year, it was relieving to come home to her brother. to feel at home still as she settled on the couch with a blanket. anything you want to tell me? her brother asked, with that i already know, so you might as well spit it out look, he's gotten her whole life.

emerald hues rolled as she popped a few pieces of popcorn in her mouth, offering her brother a shrug he couldn't see as he put the DVD into the player. "not really, i told you, i was working." octavia said, munching on more popcorn as he settled beside her, his eyes burrowing into her for details. just because he'd rather she find some normal boring job somewhere or only work behind the bar at his nightclub, didn't mean she was hiding her growing business. but, for his own sake, he didn't need to know the finer details. that's what people like nate, and her bestie were for.

"c'mon, it's laaaate, i don't wanna fight with you," octavia playfully whined, nudging her brother with her body as she leaned into him despite his mutter of who's fault that was. "lets just watch..." her sentence trailed off with a large yawn as the back of her hand lifted to cover her mouth, "lemme watch some hunger games before i have to drive across town okaaay?" octavia asked, sitting up straight to shake her body a little in hopes of waking herself up a bit. even though her stake out had run late, she really did want to spend this quality time with bellamy. since she moved, they didn't get nearly enough of it. ❝ you’re clearly exhausted. you can go in the morning. ❞

brows lifted a little as octavia looked at her brother, mulling over the idea of crashing on the couch before she nodded and shrugged, "yeah why not, it's not as nice as my couch, but i can manage a night," she teased with a smirk spreading across her lips. after the movie, she could shoot nate a text to let him know she was staying the night with her brother. or, you could sleep in your bed.

"my...what?" octavia asked, turning on the couch to face her brother as she leaned over him to snatch the remote. clearly she heard him wrong. it's been over four months since she moved out. by now, she had expected him to do...something with the space. anything even. "you kept my bed?" she asked, confusion leaking into her features as she paused the movie's intro. i kept everything you left the same, it's still your room. briefly, all octavia could do was stare, overwhelmed by her brother's subtle show of love. there'd been a time she'd done the same thing for him. "oh." she said quietly, her smile softening as she settled against her brother's side, unpausing the movie before them. silence fell between them as the movie played, but eventually, green eyes lifted, watching her big brother with adoration in the dark.