#✦ — • thewholecrew • nate •

[deathvisited]

12 years of letters

9 years after leaving

it's your 9th birthday and i'm trying to imagine what you would be interested in. do you like reading? do you enjoy monsters and fairytales? do you love horses? do you like disney movies? or are you into superheroes and villains? do you like marvel and comic books? are you into riding dirt bikes or are you playing with dolls? there is so much I don't know about you my beautiful girl, and yet I like to sit here and imagine that you are doing something that you love. that your dad is making this the best day of the year, as it should be, that he is celebrating the gift of you in his life. i can't imagine anything else, you are to me a blessing, each and every day. and so today, on your ninth birthday, I wish you nothing but happiness and joy, that you smile so brightly and widely that your face hurts, that you laugh until your stomach aches, and I wish more than anything that my absence doesn't dim your day. i hope my shadow doesn't darken your brightness, I hope that you can forget about me, to run and play, whether it's with dolls or toy soldiers and that you are spoiled as much as your dad can provide.

i cannot wait until i'm able to share your birthday with you, if I ever get that gift I promise I won't take it for granted. if I was able to this day would be entirely about you, we'd go out and do whatever you wanted, you'd be able to pick out anything and there would be no such thing as 'no' for you today. i would shower you with love and kisses, i'd have woken you up with your favourite breakfast food and you'd be off school today. i'd love nothing more than to spend the day sitting and giggling with you about everything and anything, and I miss you more than words can say. i cannot wait to meet you Fia and I can only hope that you don't hate me. if you do I'll understand that, I really will, there is no explanation that will make sense for you right now, but one day it might, when you're older. but I'm doing this for you, and more than anything I wish that I could be with you.

as always you are with me every day, of every minute, of every breath, and you always will be my beautiful, beautiful girl.

10 years after abduction

do you remember that time that we snuck into the movie theatre and spent the afternoon there? we watched every movie they had on offer and no one figured us out. i felt so free then, so wild, as if we could conquer the world. i thought you were the height of cleverness, that I had never met a man that's soul sang so closely to my own. it wasn't long after that that I realized there was a difference between us. you're ... not soft, but kind, tender, you err on the side of being gentle whereas I don't think I have any gentleness in me. i think my mother burned it out right alongside my self respect and dignity. i think it was abandoned in the back of a room where I had to take my clothes off and do what I was told. i believe I shed that gentleness when I realized that fia would never be safe from my mother. that she would be hunted, and hurt, and used, like I had been.

i have many regrets nate, leaving you is not one of them.

i've spent 10 years getting everything together to eventually come back, and yet now.... well. i don't know if I have the gentleness to face my daughter if she is anything like you. what if she sees nothing but the bitter twisted corpse that I am remaining? what if you see that? i am terrified of presenting myself to the both of you, but I also know that I am too selfish to stay away. i believe you're happy, I have to. if you're not I have nothing but apologies, but I can promise you that the bitter twisted monster I have become isn't your doing, and I only hope that you benefit from it.

i hope that you are able to recognize me when I walk back into your life and don't gasp in horror and fear at the changes that I have wrought in myself.

i hope that you are able to see the girl that you lit up and turned into something so very different from the broken mirror I had been. you patched me together once without even realizing it, and although I don't expect you to do it again I have hope. then again you might just send me away when you see me and how could I fault you for that?

i am scared beyond words to face you.

11 years after abduction

i'm almost done, and that terrifies me, I have spent so long with this plan, so meticulously long, and I can't even get praise for it. no one will know, not even you, if you ever get this. i do not want to see the horror in your eyes, or the fear on your face when you realize what i can do, what i will do to protect my family. because you are my family. i refuse to think of you or fia as anything else, and i will make sure you are safe. by any means necessary. i refuse to live in a world where you may be in danger and so I'll make certain that you won't be.

i hope that you can forgive me.

i hope that i can forgive myself.

i hope that you don't hate me.

*scribbled out words* because i hate me, I hate myself every day I look at her and know that she drove me to this, but I also love her and seeing her slow decay has killed me right alongside her

i love you. i love fia. i loved our family and sooner than later I'll be with you again. please just give me a chance to explain, please forgive me at least for protecting the both of you.

@thewholecrew

[deathvisited]

sebastian wasn't surprised at nates easy agreement, the guy seemed agreeable to everything. he was affable in a way that mystified sebastian quite honestly. how could someone be quite so easy going, and it not be fake? that was the question wasn't it? it was why he'd been hesitant to be friendly with the guy, kassy and callum both said he was good people and so sebastian was giving him a chance. under much duress, considering his social circle was small for those that he considered friends and well, verity and kassy were close enough that he'd agreed. what could it hurt? right? he looked at the tray of drinks that were delivered to him and bemoaned the fact that kassy hadn't called ahead and gotten them a table, but he was lingering at the bar in hopes of recieving one. they came here often enough that they were recognized afterall.

"there's some places that are definitely that, but they wouldn't be representative of the community, i don't think," then again he tended to avoid those places these days. red rooms and women in cages, and sure there were dancers that were elevated but it was mostly a mix of groups of people enjoying themselves. coming into the club meant consent to see and experience pretty much anything that could be done within eye view. it was why it was one of his favourite places to bring the boys, a safe space to work out his exhibitionism without violating peoples consent. "so you're pretty.... standard, huh?" he asked, a soft laugh leaving him. "nothing wrong with that, it's just always fun seeing someones cherry popped," he added, sipping this second drink.

his issues with caleb aside he was happy to see his boys dancing and having fun, carefree and happy. it was part of the reason he was so fucking hesitant to even be here with them, he was complicating both of their lives by being in the middle and he hated that. so focusing on nates first time here was a great distraction honestly. "it can be, depends on what you like and don't like. the rooms are just more private and don't really provide an audience unless you want to," he explained, setting his drink on the tray as he eyeballed a waiter hurrying past with another one. he wanted to flag one of them down so he wouldn't have to come back to the bar again. "oh we're absolutely a bunch of kinky mother fuckers, but with kink comes consent, we won't force you into it."

he looked back at nate with a wide grin, wiggling his eyebrows at him. "interested you say, and you're willing to learn? i can help you out with that if you want, i'm great at answering questions, or kassy honestly, we're both..... dominant is probably the tamest explanation. it just depends on where you guys are looking to explore." he would be lying if he wasn't curious about who was the leader between the two of them. looking at them from the inside out verity was the stronger personality, nate with his easy going nature would probably be an adorable brat, but he could easily see verity being the dom to nates sub and sebastian was just nosy enough to be curious about it. nabbing a bartender he explained, pointing to the empty booths before nodding with a grin before he turned back to nate. "perfect, i got us a booth, so we can go relax and not have to be drink carriers all night."

@deathvisited: nate & sebastian. / verse: modern.

"oh, of course," nate laughed at that with a shrug, fingers drumming against the bar top that he leaned against. it wasn't as though he had been opposed to coming though so it didn't take much convincing, especially with how excited verity had seemed. there was no way he was going to do anything to jeoperdize the way those blue eyes sparkled or the bright smile she wore on her face. plus, with the knowledge that callum came to these kinds of places? he had no excuse.

with his and verity's drink delivered to him, he took a sip of his own as curious green eyes continued to examine all that was around him. the decorations on the outer walls, the outfits people wore, he swore he saw some woman leading a handful of people past with leashes. it was bizarre to him but not necessarily in a bad way and hey, who was he to yuck other people's yums? he was oblivious to the eyes on him as he glanced back at sebastian, a brow raising before he gave another soft laugh. "i guess, uhhh, maybe a little more... tacky? no offense. it's definitely not.. it's a nice place but, dunno, guess i don't have much to go off." all he really knew was that it was kind of a taboo?

at the mention of back rooms, nate looked over at sebastian trying to figure out if he was joking or not. something told him he wasn't and he gave a good humoured scoffed, "oh good, that sounds like great fun," he mused only half joking. he wasn't against a little exhibition but in a place like this? he wasn't so sure, might need verity to bat her lashes at him a couple more times than usual to get him to agree to something like that. it made sense though that this was sebastians scene, he looked very much at home in a place like this, same with kassy. "wow, didn't all of you were just a bunch of kinky fuckers," nate joked playfully.

it was a little relieving to know that people here kept their hands to themselves, that they wouldn't be pushy or try to whip him out of nowhere or speak to him like he was a dog. again, he would be honest in how ignorant he was with this whole community. most he ever heard about it before speaking a bit with verity was that god awful book middle aged moms liked, fifty shades of guys or something like that. sebastians question had him shrug, "yeah, i mean, i wouldn't say i know much about it but ver's..." he trailed off as his eyes found her back at their booth, keeping to himself how freaky she can be because it wasn no one's business but theirs. "she's interested and i'm always down to learn something new so," he shrugged with a cheeky grin, raising his drink to seb before taking another sip.

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew: ❝ you don’t get it. i want the whole package with you. i don’t wanna be some fling you forget about in a few months. ❞ /trin&nick immortal

no, she doesn't get it!! she doesn't! she can't! alarm bells ring in his head, blaring loudly as he stares at her from the little kitchenette table in his motel room. his hands clench against the tops of his thighs, brows furrowing before he jumps up. his head shook ferociously, a pained expression filling his features because this life she wants, this package she wants with him— god, he'd do anything to have it. but he can't. they cannot. he crosses the space to her, taking her jaw roughly into his hands as he directs her gaze up to him. his fingers shake against her skin, teeth clenching before, "you don't, trinity. you don't, i—..." he's already come to her with blood on his hands. she might already suspect the worst in him.

"i'm a killer, okay, do you get that baby girl? you wanna know what i'm doing when nate and i take off? where i'm disappearing to for weeks? months? i go across the country walking towards things everybody is running away from." it all comes pouring out, fighting to be heard because she has to understand!! she has to know that the life she's asking for doesn't exist with him. hunters die. that's their life. his life. it doesn't have to be hers. it shouldn't be. after years of explaining his ways to those he's saved, he hates this next part. hates the look that'll overtake her big, beautiful eyes when she doesn't look at him the same way. when suddenly, he's just that much different.

nick crouches before her as she sits on the edge of his bed, taking her hands in his as he smoothes over them, lifting his dark hues to hers. "i'm what they call a hunter trinity, i hunt...ghosts and demons and those things everyone's afraid of that go bump in the night. it's all real, all of it and they're all dangerous...nate, me...my da," a heavy sigh shook free from him, his hands tightening against trinity's. "there is no life with me trinity...baby, there's just this road, and this fuckin' chaos and my line of work," he shrugged halfheartedly, resigned to his future, or lack thereof. "it only ends one way trin, baby, you don't want that. i don't want that for you." internally, his heart ached, cringing at the idea that she somehow believed he could ever forget about her. if he had any other life, he'd never let her go. she'd be his. always. but even now, he'll never forget her. not for a single second as long as he lived.

[deathvisited]

3 months after being taken

her hand shook as it held the pen, her eyes lifting to look at her closed and locked door before swivelling to the camera in the corner. biting her lip she scooted up the bed, raising her knees and using them as a desk before she started writing.

"hey baby girl, you'll be a year old in a month, and I can hardly believe it. i know you probably won't ever believe me but I wanted to see your first birthday, watch you smash vanilla cake in your cute chubby face, hear you laugh and giggle when your daddy picked you up. i didn't want to leave baby girl, i know no matter what you're gonna have the best birthday ever. I'm sorry i won't be there to see you go through this milestone, and while I'm not there physically i am mentally, i won't forget. I'll light a candle for you. and i know you probably don't understand why I'm not there, that you probably miss me, but momma's trying to save you from the same fate i went through. i will protect you, and I've come to accept that where i am right now that's the best thing i can do. you have been the best thing that ever happened to me." she sniffled, wiping her cheeks as tears rolled down them, leaning back and biting her lip. things had been hard for a long time with fia, she'd struggled a lot, she knew she had, she hadn't always been the best mom, but she'd done her very best. she was still struggling with everything, and the fact that she had to hide all of it just made it all the harder. "i know that your daddy has probably talked to you about me, but if he hasn't don't blame him too much, you know? he's doing his best to look after his family, he's always done that. you are in the best place i could hope for, and i just wish i was there with you."

6 months after being taken

verity was nursing the bruise with a glass of scotch sitting beside her before her eyes slid to her desk. she wrote fia every week as a sort of ritual these days, but today she felt drained, tired, worn down. her eyes closed as she took another sip of her drink, her hands shaking. she didn't know if she could do this, it was all so much worse that she had remembered. maybe it was the distance of time that helped soften the edges of cruelty and lack of empathy she encountered, a way to stay sane after having survived it. she had to get back in her mothers good graces sooner or later and then maybe she'd stop being put on the floor. maybe that would be enough. laying her head down on her desk she cried silently, her shoulders still. any sign of weakness and her mother would hold it against her. she needed a break, and tonight had been anything but that. rising a little unsteadily from her vanity she picked her way across her clothes strewn room to her bed before digging out the journal. she had no privacy anymore, at least before she'd been able to hide in her bedroom but now there was an extremely visible camera, and more that she likely couldn't see. still.... she pulled out the fairytale book she'd hollowed out, the letters inside it before setting her drink on the night table beside her.

"hey you, i've been too scared to write you I think...... i know you don't understand, and why would you? i never told you exactly what my life was before I was gone. i never wanted you to know, or look at me differently, I didn't want to see the pity in your eyes. i wanted you to be my sanctuary and maybe I made it so that that was too true. you didn't know, and you didn't understand the fear and horror I felt when I looked down at our little girl and was so scared that i'd ruin her. i didn't hold that against you, but I was failing you, and fia, and myself. i wanted to be the best wife I could be, and yea.... we were young, oh so young to have a little girl, but I wanted to be your fairytale dream girl, so fun and bright and bubbly while I raised our child and instead of I was dark and full of nightmares. i felt lost, like I wasn't myself anymore --- the self i'd found with you --- and that you couldn't see that, that you didn't care and I was jealous of both fia's relationship with you and your relationship and dedication to her. i wouldn't have wanted it any other way, but everything seemed to come so effortlessly to you, and I was just ruining everything. i didn't leave, I was taken and maybe that's how I should start this, explaining my life and who I am and what I was made to be. because that's what I am, a construct of my mothers wishes, her desire for power, and the way she thought she could get it. she had me simply because she wanted someone that could replicate her life but do it better, I was trained the same way she was, I was made to be her mirror image, except I was a little broken, a little crooked, not the perfect daughter she wanted. she started grooming when I was 7, and it just progressed from there. when we found each other I was running from her, I know you never pried and I appreciated that, but..... my life was a living horror show of both hating my mother and loving her endlessly and hoping for her approval. she took me, and she didn't know about you and fia and..... i don't think I can come back until shes gone, it's too dangerous. she'd see fia as another chance to make the perfect daughter and I can't allow that. i hope that one day, if you ever get this, you'll forgive me because i don't know if i can forgive myself. i love you. i love fia. i loved our family and maybe you really are better off without the taint of me in your life."

@thewholecrew

[deathvisited]

they're gonna love you . like i do . / nate & ver fae --- @thewholecrew

verity had insecurities that ate at her as she looked out over the sea of faces that had gathered in sebastians lands. it had become a refuge for those refugee's that were escaping from nates lands and now.... she sucked in a breath smoothing down her dress. her palms were sweaty and her skin was running with goosebumps, if any of them were from rifthold they'd know her, they'd be aware of the fact of what and who she'd been, possibly. how would they look at her then if they did? moreover what if they found out after the fact? their king with a whore? she shuddered, blue eyes closing as her hands gripped the banister of the balcony she was looking out over. she was hidden from the crowds but now..... she gasped sharply as arms wrapped around her from behind, jumping as she looked over her shoulder. "nate," she breathed his name as relief washed over her.

he looked beautiful in the golden outfit that kassy had had made with for him, this wasn't a formal cornoration but it was a presentation to the people he'd be ruling one day. she was.... not fit to be a queen, maybe a consort, but nate wouldn't hear a thing about it, every time she said a single thing raising concerns about how she'd be regarded he'd dismiss it. then again.... "i don't know if i should go out there with you," she murmured, turning in his arms and hands smoothing up his chest to fix his collar. "i think it'll make too much of a statement," his hands settled on her waist as she fiddled with his collar which was already perfect from whoever had helped him get into this get-up.

"so what?" he asked, his hands smoothing up and down her sides, her hair tickling the back of his hands as she tipped her head back and looked up at him. "so you know i'm nervous about how they'll feel about me," she murmured, eyes avoiding looking directly into his green ones and instead focusing on his clothing and smoothing the lapels down of the long jacket. "so maybe i should just.... stay away from the presentation, they don't need to meet me, they want to meet their king, they want hope," she emphasized the last word because it was true. it was dark times with everyone fleeing from their country and into fae and having to cross these strange lands by themselves after living in a completely human world.

his hands smoothed up her back until he gripped her head carefully so as not to muss her hair and the flower crown that alec had woven through the braid that ringed her head. "they're gonna love you, like i do," his words were reassuring but..... she sucked in a breath as he bent to kiss her, eyes falling closed as he deepened it. the sweetness of it all almost made her want to cry, tears burning behind her eyes when he broke it. "i want you there with me because you will be my queen," his face winced at the word and she grinned, knowing he hated being referred to as king, even though that was exactly what he was going to be. "so we go together or i don't go at all." and how was she supposed to not go with him and deny him this chance to see his people? to make them real to him? "alright, fine, but leave those words alone," she said, stepping back and smoothing down the blue dress that draped her in grecian like folds. "lets go before i lose my nerve."

[deathvisited]

who would you rather hate you for the rest of your life? nate or fia? - to verity

she wouldn't ever hate either of them, honestly. who could i see her potentially hating? nate. absolutely. while her relationship with fia is strained at times because she was absent verity did absolutely fucking everything for her daughter. she could not image hating her in any world honestly. she can't ever see herself hating nate either, but if she had to pick one it'd be him. her daughter is her shining light and she'd do absolutely atrocious things to make sure she was always safe and secure, and if protecting fia meant hating nate (or letting him hate her) she'd absolutely do that without another thought.

@thewholecrew

[deathvisited]

❛  stop being so stubborn. i'm trying to help you.  ❜ / nate

she glared at him as she wrapped the bandage around her hand, teeth gritted. "i don't need your help," she spit. she'd only gotten herself into this situation because of him in the first place! she didn't put herself at risk ever, and it had only been because of him she'd even agreed to this stupid job him and his gang had cooked up. they were being led by psychopaths and one of them was an addict, how were they supposed to have good plans? he tsked at her and took her hand firmly in his own ignoring her words with a dismissive wave.

'you need to clean this,' he pointed out calmly which honestly just made her want to hit him. "i wouldn't have gotten cut if your friend hadn't broken that vase," she pointed out, even as she squirmed and gritted her teeth as he poured alcohol over the wound on her hand. it had been a silly plan, and she'd told him that, but she'd followed along with it because he'd been going and he was too dumb to say no to them.

that wasn't fair, he was much street smarter than she was, and he'd assured her they'd make it out fine, and they had. other than her hand getting cut and almost getting caught. she pouted as she started wrapping her hand up again, blue eyes looking up at him with a sigh as her anger slowly seeped away. "why can't i stay mad at you?" she huffed, her knees on either side of him giving him a squeeze. his smile was breath stopping, mind tilting, world changing as she looked at her with those green eyes. 'cause i'm just always right,' he teased which had her laughing, her pain easing with it. he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand before patting it. 'there all good,' he murmured as he held onto her hand.

"i still think it was a dumb idea to sneak in through the window when i could have gotten in through the front door," she huffed, flexing her hand with a small wince before hopping down off the box he'd deposited her on. 'yea, but that wouldn't have been as much fun.' probably not, but she wasn't ever going to admit that to him.

[deathvisited]

❛ could this be a trap ? ❜ / nate & seb fae --- @thewholecrew

they had been travelling for about three days and as they went towards his lands they were getting to the point they'd all have to split. that discussion had went about as well as one could expect but it wasn't safe to bring both of them, regardless of whether or not they were mated and didn't want to be separated, it just wasn't safe. they'd both trusted him enough to listen to him this far but he wasn't surprised when nate rode up to join him. the silence was thick and heavy as they rode and sebastian did nothing to break it. he was leaving his own people behind to present verity to the queen, partly because it was his duty and he didn't want to bring kassy and her people into the danger of the court, and partly because it was the little that he could to appease her.

he didn't trust her anymore, he'd realized that after he'd found verity with grant, his trust had been fracturing for years and had started 22 years ago when she'd refused to help the fae stuck in nate's fathers lands and now..... "could this be a trap?" nates words broke the silence and had sebastian looking over at him as they rode before giving a slow nod. "it could be," he admitted. "but the chances of it being this obvious are very low." he added. "it's true the queen would love to get her hands on another water fae and verity is special in the sense that she doesn't just heal... she's strong nate, in a way we haven't seen in years. just like you are," he looked back over at nate, a brow raising. he knew the boy had trouble with his powers and there was a fear there, but he needed to master them.

they were running out of time and he wasn't sure how he knew that, but he could feel it like a weight in the air. this trip to the queens court was going to be a turning point. "the queen tends to work in the shadows though and this would be a little too obvious i believe." he let out a sigh before looking up at the sky where hawthorne was flying. "but her father will be there and if anyone would protect your girl as well as you it'd be him, hmm?" he glanced over at the blonde fae with a small grin. "a week or two at the court and then you'll be reunited, i'm sure your left hand will provide all the attention you need," he added in a teasing voice.

[headstrongblake]

was any of it true? / kass & nick / @thewholecrew

 every second nick's been locked away from kassy is painful, but nothing compared to the stabbing sensation that works its way through his body at the sight of her when she does come see him. of what he’s done to her. now, staring back at the agony he’s caused her, he’d do anything to take it back. but he can't. this was the only option. now, all he has left is his effort to convince her that he hasn't been lying. they are his people. his chosen family. people he'd do anything to protect, especially from his father. ever since she's entered his cell, she's kept a distance, but as she crosses to him, hissing to know if anything he's said or done this past months has been true, he feels a tiny trickle of relief. she may look at him with hate right now. but love and hate were such a thin line, this he could work with.

"every moment," nick confessed. "every second i've been near you, all of it is true, kassy, you've gotta believe me." he deserves the cruel scoff, and her disbelieving gaze. but he continues, unwavering from his position, "you don't understand my da...he's a bloody brilliant hunter, he would've made sure. he..." nick strained against his metal shackles, wishing he could be closer to her as his voice filled with painful emotion, "you would've stayed dead, and he woulda kept octavia like some kind of animal, caged. torturing her until he knew exactly how to kill her. the only one who might've gotten away unscathed is grant and only, only because he fades away like ash," his voice broke, unable to continue his rambles as a defeated sigh left his body, leaning against the dungeon wall. anguish filled his eyes as he looked at kassy, watching how despairingly his choice weighed on her. if he could have foreseen any other option that never would have left kassy heartbroken, he would've done it. but this...there was no other choice. it's the only way he could ensure their safety and he had to. he had to protect them.

"are they..." nick's eyes lowered for the first time, unwilling to hold her furious gaze as his guilt festered, swamping him with grief as his jaw clenched tightly. he'll never be able to erase the image of grant's disintegrating body. the sound of octavia's horrific screams as he fell to the ground. how betrayed she looked as she slowly died at his feet. god, he hated how cruel he had to appear before his father. how much he had to hide his heart behind steel to not break as kassy and the others died by his very hand. thank god for nate. it was hard enough to end octavia, even temporarily. he knew he didn't have it in him should he hold kassy's fate in his hands. at the thought of nate, instant panic surged through him, head snapping up as his eyes looked past kassy to the darkness. was nate alive? surely he had to be. if he was, that had to mean nate was too. just locked up like he would remain. that calmed the race in his heart a touch until his regretful yes met kassy. "are they awake...?" he asked, refraining from asking if grant or octavia were okay.

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew : ∗ o1﹕ sender tucks hair out of receiver’s face . / grant & o

if there's one thing kassy knows how to do, it's throw the most elaborate themed parties ever. octavia's 20th birthday is no different. there are fog machines, incredible lights, and halloween decorations everywhere. not a single person walked through without a costume, even the bartenders were dressed to the max. practically every inch of the boys' nightclub had been transformed into a private birthday party just for her, and from the moment octavia walked in, she couldn't remember a time when she'd felt this loved.

most of the night, octavia spends at her bestie's side. taking photos with all the girls & alec and nate. dancing her heart out while the drinks freely flowed. matching her best friend and nick for every shot, and by the time her birthday cake with the fondant ghost face girl that could double as herself came out, octavia's cheeks were on fire from grinning. for tonight, she forgot all about the rockiness that took place at the start of the school year.

some people had begun trickling out, offering octavia their final hugs and goodbyes as she waved them off, practically bouncing with her happy drunk energy. perhaps she'd had a few too many drinks tonight but she still felt steady enough on her heels as octavia made her way through the crowd, hues scanning for her best friend. right! she giggled to herself, shaking her head as she remembered leaving kassy, liv, and alec up in the private room that held all the presents anyone brought. with the direction in mind, octavia strutted through the nightclub in her angel costume, sparkling as she went toward the stairs. but as green hues found the stairs, they also quickly found grant standing off to the side of the stairs. she had sort of acknowledged him from across the room earlier but, octavia had been overwhelmed by her best friend's surprise. had been drawn into all the excitement that she'd gone off with her friends and barely paid him any attention beyond that.

now, with more than a handful of different themed drinks and shots running through her system, octavia bravely sauntered toward grant with her bright grin still firmly in place. with the drinks and joy she felt inside, even he couldn't ruin her mood tonight. so why not say a friendly hello? "hiiii grant, are you enjoying my birthday party?" she asked him, glossy hues slowly dragging up to meet his. before he could answer her, a few passersby wished her a happy birthday, drawing her attention over her shoulder as she thanked them happily, shimmying a little in her angel costume as she turned.

while they disappeared into the crowd, she whirled a little unsteadily back to grant while a few pieces of her curled hair fell out of place. pink lips parted to teasingly ask how he'd gotten in the front door with her bestie in charge of this spectacular event— even if she knew nick had asked if it was okay. but as she did, grant reached out, tenderly tucking the few strands of hair out of her face. it's innocent. but her skin quickly lights underneath his gentle touch. with the right amount of weed and drinks and this incredible night all rolled into one, octavia was pretty powerless to pull away.

instead, she boldly moves first, stepping into him as green hues flicker down to his lips. a piece of him so familiar to her. so close as her lips lingered there that a shiver ran up her spin from the heat of his breath against her. and yet, as she leaned closer, eyes flicking up to his face, something in how he looks at her sends off blaring alarms.

rather than meeting his lips with hers, she brought her hand up between them, very gently resting the pads of her fingers against his lips to keep herself from leaning any closer. her teeth tugged at her bottom lip as she took a step back from him, widening their distance before her fingers drug off his lips. drunk or not, she couldn't do this. not with him. octavia swallowed the rush of emotions that bubbled inside at such an action before, she turned from him quietly, continuing up the stairs in search of kassy.

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew: push. for your muse to push mine in a playful manner. / kassy and o & "you're making it difficult to be the good one here." / trin and o

this was going to be the summer they deserved. after the last one, octavia was determined to make the most of this summer despite all the ways it was different. without nick and rev or grant, it's different but, that didnt mean it couldn't be filled with fun days at the beach and nights at the club. besides, a few distractions couldn't hurt her best friend because as much as o knew kassy was hurt by how she and nick had left in the spring...it had to be worse every day she went without nick here, where he should've been all along.

today was the perfect day for a beach day. with just the right amount of sun and heat that would have her bestie content, laying out all afternoon like a lizzard and trinity's agreement to come along, octavia was having the best time. no thoughts were given to those who were gone. "naaaate, hoist me up, i wanna get a picture of it from up high!" she called over to nate as she quirked her head at the rocks they'd spent the past hour collecting and arranging. pleased with the design, octavia wanted more pictures to capture this day before she joined trinity and kass on the beach towels.

at your request, nate chimed in, crouching down in front of her so that she could climb up on his shoulders to get the best vantage point. "okay...whoa...whoa," she mumbled as she climbed on and nate began to steady himself with her on his shoulders. "gimme my phone," she said, smiling down at how they'd spelt out summer crew on the sand before plucking the phone out of nate's grip. "okay, um, no you need to back up a little bit," octavia directed him, looking at the design through her phone before, "stop! right here." quickly, octavia snapped a few photos to commemorate the afternoon before, "okaaay, take me to my girl pleeeease," she once again directed nate, ruffling her hand in his hair as he did.

as nate started to crouch again, octavia tossed her phone at one of the large blankets before she hopped off her friend. "thanks boss," she wagged her finger at him before plopping herself down between trinity and kassy, who'd been happily chatting together. "hello babes, what're we talking about?" she asked, immediately coiling her arm around trinity's waist, her fingers innocently playing with the hem of her bathing suit. nun your business, her bestie teased, leaning toward octavia to push her playfully, just talking about our favourite girl. a soft pink dusted octavia's cheeks as she rolled her eyes, "who meeee?" she giggled, sparkling green hues shifting towards trinity.

as her fingers innocently played with the strap on trinity's bathing suit, she couldn't help how her eyes slowly raked down the blonde, taking her in after spending some time with nate. "well i wouldn't want to interrupt," octavia teased, "but i was hoping to join your tan session over here." she directed her comment to trinity, leaning closer to brush soft lips over her shoulder with a playful grin on her lips. "buuut, i can go join nate in the water again," she huffed, shifting as if she might get up, only for trinity's cute pout to keep her firmly in place. "alright, you've convinced me." octavia said, stretching her arms out over top of her in a slow show of her bikini before she laid down on the blanket between the two girls.

her grin grew triumphantly as trinity lay closely beside her, shyly mumbling, you're making it difficult to be the good one here so only octavia could hear. "i know," octavia murmured, lifting her arm to allow trinity to curl in closer to her as they soaked in the sun.

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew: ❝ tell me what you want me to do. i’ll do it. whatever you want. ❞ / grant & o

“i still can’t believe nick’s actually fixing your bike with you,” octavia shook her head as a bit of laughter escaped her lips as she took in the summer afternoon with nate. nick was going out of his way to be nice? to nate? who would’ve thought? but she was happy for nate. after all, in her books he’s more than proved himself to be a true ally to them these past months and it was about time others started seeing it too. he was part of her family now. “is he being a dick the whole time, like ordering you around?” she asked curiously as they wandered down the street in the industrial area where all trades could be found. even the junk yard past one of many hardware stores and the mechanic shop.

when nate told her she had nothing to worry about, they were bonding just fine, octavia’s features brightened ever more as she shook her head. “alright, if you say so but let me know, i’ll set him straight,” she teased, leaning her elbow into nate playfully. however her playful expression immediately soured seeing a familiar figure coming toward them on the same side walk. her teeth gritted together, rolling her eyes as grant seemed to come out of the hardware store, but as they neared, octavia did her best to completely ignore him. entirely avoiding any eye contact with him because after she’d ambushed him in his truck— she had nothing left to say to him.

even as nate offered his friendly greeting as they passed, octavia dramatically scoffed, purposely pushing past grant as she continued down the side walk. he could be here, in her city all he fucking wanted, that didn’t mean she had to have anything to do with him. if he wanted to be apart of nick’s life? fantastic for them. but he could stay the hell away from her. octavia… tell me what you want me to do. i’ll do it, whatever you want.

her teeth ground together as grant caught her attention, speaking to her back. quickly, octavia turned back toward him, glaring. “i don't want anything from you." octavia spoke coldly, narrowing her eyes, "you need to look at me grant and hear me when i tell you, there is nothing left inside of me for you, i don't care what you do, i don't care whether you pretend to stay or you leave right now. i don't care." octavia announced with her defences shooting higher. he didn’t get to ask anything of her. not now. and never again. octavia shook her head as she brought her arms to cross against her chest like a shield. "i'm not your girlfriend, and as far as where you're concerned i'm not even your friend." she told him, offering a shrug before she turned again, continuing down to the junk yard for parts for nate.

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew: [CONSUME] sender needs to feed on human blood, receiver makes cuts in their skin for them to feed off of. / kass & dealers choice.

two hunters and a vampire. it's a combination nick would have sworn he'd never see before in his lifetime, and sure as hell not with him. fuck no. no way. that's not how he was raised. no, he was taught to kill his enemy and that every single supernatural being...everything unnatural was his enemy. but not kassy. no, he's found himself dragging his partner continuously back to her neck of the woods, finding any and all jobs he can in the surrounding area to bring him closer to her. & if they require her expertise? well, that's too good to pass up.

except it's almost an instant regret now that he's hunched over the unfamiliar hunter on the ground, channelling every ounce of fury he has into crumbling the man in his grip. it started out as an easy case. the ones that always draw his attention the most involve the kids and the forgotten, and this one? he couldn't help but need to check out why there was a rush of disappearances. how runaways and those society deemed throwaways simply vanished, only to turn up drained of every ounce of their blood in the town over. it seemed like a slam dunk, and precisely the type of hunt he'd want to bring kassy in on. if a vampire was killing in an area that borders her home, he knew she deserved to know. but now, it all seems like a twisted trick. a ploy to attract them in because this hunter's heard whispers of their unlikely trio.

as bloodlust coursed through his veins, anger and all his venom directed on a hunter, he couldn't see anything past the loud shots that had rung out, piercing kassy. can't see anything but the bullets sinking into her body in an attempt to harm her before assassinating her. "nick!?" finally, nate's voice penetrates his trance as cold crystal hues lift from the dying man back to nate and kassy. kassy, wounded and bleeding out. nearly instantly, his hands drop the weak hunter to the ground as he rushes back to nate, throwing himself down at their sides. "kassy...hey, hey, kassy," his shaking hand reached towards her, cupping her cheek as he brushed hair from her face as she sat propped against the wall. "nathan..." his voice shook. what do they do, he wanted to ask. he wanted to demand. he's only ever been a destroyer of her kind...never a rescuer.

blood. he blinks at her as the thought shoots through him like lightning. of course, she needs blood. his gaze quickly darts to the dead hunter, but he grimaces, unable to suggest she feed off the man who'd quite literally tried to murder them. his mind searches through the options until, his eyes met hers again. with a fragile smile, he breathed out, "i'm going to help you." his head shook as he settled on a decision that goes against everything inside of him. if hunters like that man were hearing whispers...how long would it be before those same whispers slipped into his father's ear? but as nicklas stripped back the sleeve of his jacket, reaching for his pocket knife— he struggled to listen to his da beating into him that these beings are the devil's creation.

carefully, nick jostled kassy as he shifted her body forward to slip in behind her, propping her against himself instead of the concrete wall. with her in his arms, he looked down at her, entirely set on his decision. "you're gonna be okay," he told her through his furious grief. it doesn't matter that she's a vampire. that her existence goes against everything he's ever known and been taught. staring down into those deep hues, knowing who she is, none of it matters. only helping her. healing her. only her. he can't lose her too.

his jaw tightened, clenching his teeth together as nick dug into his forearm with his pocket knife, sliding the blade across his arm as red bloomed in its wake. "whatever you need, okay?" he offered kassy, lifting his wound up toward her mouth as his arm curled around her. "please, kassy."

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew: ∗ 39: sender is caught following receiver. / nate & o

it's nice this new place her brother has with these group of people. there's room enough for them all, and it keeps them moving constantly instead of being a stationary target. but each time octavia attempted to find some comfort of sleep here, she stared without rest at the back of her eyelids in the dark. despite alec's assurance that bellamy and grant are both here, that they won't let anything happen to either of them— she can't get past how trapped this plane makes her feel again. how caged. there's no escape anywhere unless they're on the ground.

tension radiates through octavia as she finds herself wandering the hallways in the dim light, fingers tightly coiled into fists at her sides. it's hard enough to figure out how to adjust to life outside being a hostage, but since she's been reunited with her big brother and girlfriend...it's so much more complex. emotions rattle against the locked chests she's forced them in for the last year, and with that comes the voices that feed off her instability. growing louder and louder in her head, berating and overwhelming. although she does her best to force her thoughts elsewhere, here it barely works.

stopping in the hallway, octavia lifted her hand to pinch at the bridge of her nose, willing the voices to stop when the soft padding of footsteps instantly draws her attention. adrenaline sparks inside her, rushing her movements as she turns back quickly, rounding on the person that dares follow behind her. her movements are quick and forceful as she unknowingly pins one of her brother's men against the wall, wild eyes staring at him, "the hell are you following me for!?" she shouted in his face, giving him a shove before a deeper voice booms over her shoulder. "hey! let 'em go, 'kay, nate's not your enemy," nick told her, hand hovering over his weapon as he watched octavia attack them for no reason.

octavia's grip on his shirt tightened, glaring at the man before she released him to take steps back. her gloved hands drop to her sides, taking in a deeper breath to shove her adrenaline down. she's not trapped. she's not in stryker's torture lab. she's okay. alec's okay. after a beat green hues flickered between the men before she offered a frown and a half hearted shrug. "i didn't realize anyone else was walking around, you shouldn't be sneaking up on people."

[headstrongblake]

∗ 15: sender and receiver make eye contact across a busy room. / grant & o / @thewholecrew

there were whispers and rumours that grant had returned to their city, but truthfully, octavia didn't believe they held any weight. even when atom told her he'd seen him with nick. it couldn't be true. this place was so far from anywhere he'd ever come back to...grant swore repeatedly that trying to bring him home was useless. & he was right. this city...it's not his home. not where he'd ever come back. there's no reason to believe he'd ever be back until octavia swore it was his eyes she locked with across the busy room. painfully, her heart clenched in her chest, splintering in all directions as she blinked, shifting her gaze away briefly. it's not grant, she repeats in her mind, just her stupid heart still playing tricks. but as she looked back, the person was gone, igniting her curiosity further.

without thought, octavia offered nate a quick, i'll be back before she disappeared into the sea of people, pushing through as her eyes searched for him. it's not possible. it can't be grant. but as octavia slipped outside into the night, her heart quickened. a tidal wave of emotions crashed into her as the man strolled down the street. even with his back to her, it's like her soul knew. fury, love, heartbreak, relief and rage cemented her in place, suffocating her as she watched him walk away. it's him.

against her better judgement, her heart hammered in her chest as she followed grant at a distance, watching his back as he wandered down the sidewalk. it's a bad idea to follow him like this. to be near him. but if he's here...she refuses to believe it's because he's finally come to his senses after months away, realizing that the people who had loved him were here. no. she refused to believe it because she saw him. saw the hate and the rage that took over his honey eyes, darkening them with a coldness she'd never seen. he doesn't love them. he shot at them. which leaves a bitter taste in her mouth as he climbs into the driver seat of his truck. if he's here...would garrett soon follow? was that monster already here waiting in the shadows to create more damage? as she approached the truck, her hand coiled behind her back on her gun, all she knew was she couldn't let that happen. garrett had nearly broken nick. stolen everything from her. grant and him are not about to have that chance with anyone else she cares about again.

swiftly, octavia pulled open the passenger door, launching herself into the seat as she drew her weapon. under the cover of darkness, cold emerald hues stared across from her at grant's features up close and too personal. her elbow quickly hit the lock button, trapping him for a moment as she turned in her seat to him. "what the hell are you doing here?" octavia instantly demanded to know with her steady grip on her gun, the safety switched off. his golden gaze locked with hers, but she does her best to ignore the surprise and perhaps hurt in his features as he realizes their situation. octavia... "no," octavia cut him off quickly, not wanting to hear anything he had to say unless it was an answer to her question. her steady grip tightened, finger hovering over the trigger. "just answer the question, are you here with garrett? are you working here with him?"

[headstrongblake]

@thewholecrew: ❝ honestly i can’t sleep, so if you wanna stay up with me? ❞ / nate & o

god she's so stupid octavia thought repeatedly as she directed grant to her new loft. it's the exhaustion. the emotions. the insane way they've all been thrust together for the past week. that's the only reason she can come up with why she let herself blurt out, i thought we were going to live happily ever after. that's something she should have left unsaid or written in a letter kept beneath her bed. but after another sad im sorry, octavia stayed quiet for the rest of the drive. it's not like she'd expected anything else.

"it's this one," she pointed toward her complex before she quickly went to escape. at his daring, but polite offer to walk her to her door, octavia shook her head. "i really don't think you should." she insisted, pressing her lips tightly together as she left him at that, crossing the street in front of his truck before disappearing into her locked building.

it's late by the time she's shoving her key in the deadbolt and kicking off her shoes at the door, but as the familiar smells of her home waft toward her, she can't help but feel the slightest bit lighter. her back closes her door as she leans against it briefly, shaking her head at the overwhelming weight these past couple of months have been. sleep sounds inviting. tempting almost and it's just up those stairs. but despite her exhaustion, it feels nearly impossible. instead, she pushes off her front door, feeling even more at home while the sound of nate's movie softly plays as she roots around the kitchen for a bottle of wine. "hey...i didn't know you'd be up," she greeted from the kitchen.

"these are classics," octavia commented as she met nate on the couch with one of her fast and furious movies in the dvd player. although the movie brought a warm sensation to her heart, octavia sadly stood there with the open bottle of wine. "well, goodnight...i'm going to enjoy one or two of these..." octavia said, dull hues glancing down at her bottle of wine, "and then i'm going to sleep without any alarm, and i'm shutting my phone off." octavia concluded, a tired smile spreading across her lips at her plan as she glanced up toward nathan. "honestly i can't sleep, so if you wanna stay up with me?"

a pit of sadness swirled in her stomach, lurching at his question for some company. without another word, octavia nodded gratefully with a sadness sparkling in her gaze. she needed this. something light and easy. just her and her roommate drinking to some of her favourite movies. lifting the open bottle to her lips, octavia took a drink before offering the bottle to nate over the arm of the couch. "for you," she said, quickly retreating back to the kitchen for another bottle because one simply didn't seem like it'd be enough to share between the two and still squash everything racing around in her head.

octavia returned with another closed bottle, pulling her soft blanket from the back of the couch before she climbed onto her giant couch, settling down beside nate. "oh the next one is my favourite," she commented with a bit of ease as he didn't ask any prying questions. quietly, she rested her head against nate's shoulder as she sunk into the couch a little, reaching for the open bottle from him while she watched the screen. this was about all she could manage now. just contently drinking while the movie played.