#♧Andrei

[shmowder]

The dating adventures of Artemy Burakh

[krazyforkicks]

Name pronunciation:: Andrei (AHN-drey), Saša (sa-sha),

CW: Drugged, sold at auction, vampire whumper with a human whumpee, dehumanization, leash & collar

Andrei's head was swimming. Colors and lights and sound all flowed together into one. He felt like he was falling. Were his legs moving? He couldn't tell. His arms hurt, like they were being pinched, but he couldn’t discern why.

A voice echoed through Andrei's head, but it was so vibrant and sharp for him to tell what it was saying. Time passed in a fog and soon the voice was gone. Soon, everything was gone. Everything except for confusion, wrapping Andrei like a blanket in the darkness...

♧◇♡♤♡◇♧◇♡♤♡◇♧◇♡♤♡◇♧◇♡

Saša wound their way through the halls to pick up their purchase.

"I'm here for lot 13." Saša handed a receipt to the product manager, who nodded and led Saša down a long hallway.

At the end of the hall, the product manager opened a heavy metal door to reveal a room packed full of people. "Lot 13. Time to go."

There was no response.

"Lot 13, let's move."

"He... He's passed out, sir. Over there..." One of the people close to the door whispered, pointing to a shape on the ground.

The product manager sighed. "Someone bring him out."

After a moment in which no one budged, two people lifted the figure off the floor and carried him to the door. Saša took the man by the shirt collar and the two others skittered away back into the room.

The man's eyes were only half open, hazy and unfocused. He was still heavily under the influence of whatever the auction house had given him before the bidding. When Saša dropped him back onto the floor, the man made no effort to catch himself and did not move.

"Do you know how to find your way out?" The product manager asked.

Saša nodded and the product manager locked the door that lot 13 had been inside before leaving back down the hallway.

Saša produced a collar and leash from their coat pocket and fastened the collar around the neck of their purchase before hooking the leash to it. "Wake up." Saša ordered, striking the man across the face with the back of their hand.

The man winced, blinking a few times as he squinted at Saša, trying to focus his gaze.

Saša took the man under the arm and effortlessly pulled him up to his feet. The man was extremely unsteady, but did not fall immediately. Instead, he tried to say something, but it came out completely unintelligible.

Keeping their hand around the man's arm, Saša led the man back down the hallway. When he stumbled, Saša simply pulled harder, forcing the man to quickly right his step.

Once they had exited the auction house, Saša shoved the man into the floor of a carriage and stepped over him to a seat. The carriage began to pull away.

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Stakh has him blocked

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Pathologic meme dump... 6?? I think

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Pathologic meme dump...3? 4??? I forgor anyway no one stopped me yet so

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can't tell if I posted this one and forgot or never did at all so

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a collection of something

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Throwing yourself out of the window isn't an option

Poll below

you're bald + baking soda + horse legs + an aquarius + Aglaya doesn't like trains

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Andrey is peak orange cat you can't change my mind

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What they use to shower and no I do not accept constructive criticism

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They're a little confused but they've got the spirit

Original Article

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Alternative reality memes

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Well, hello there! I have a request. How would patho characters react to the random dance invitation from their significant one? Who will join them immediately and who will be dying inside with shame?

That's a fun request, like casually getting up, putting on some music and wordlessly extending your hand to them. Maybe a romantic slow dance, or a fun energetic dance as you pull them around.

Here's the most to least willing.

[Romance, Several characters]

1. Eva

There isn't a single person on this planet who's more willing to follow you to the end of the Earth than a deeply infatuated Eva. She wants to dance with you all the time. To kiss you until you both drown.

When has Eva ever refused you a whim or a craving? When has she ever denied your affection? Be it hugs, twirls, or even your extended hand. Inviting her to join you in this declaration of love out of the blue.

Overjoyed, her enthusiasm is infectious as she accepts your offer in a heartbeat. Standing on her toes and letting you spin her around. Falling into your arms and humming alongside the melody in the air.

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2. Vlad Jr.

Is love hereditary? The urge to put your partner on a pedestal and appease their every wish seems to run deep in the Olgimskys' genetics. For the average person, getting a favour out of Vlad Jr. is more akin to pulling teeth, and yet all the stubbornness fizzles into thin air once his beloved comes into the equation.

He's just curious and indulging you, is what he says. He definitely doesn't melt the second your fingers brush against his hand. He doesn't forget the concept of embarrassment once your lips curl into a smile as you whisper his name, urge him to leave the chair and stand on his feet.

He imagines putting his hand on your waist, a crystal clear picture before he follows through with the act. He imagines yours on his shoulder. He's even already predicted the pain from that one misstep you'd have over his foot. Yet he still does it all the same, follows through like it's his lifelong dream that he suddenly remembered he must achieve.

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3. Bad Grief

If shame was ever worth a dime to him, your dearest wouldn't have become a criminal to begin with. That ship sailed long ago. Neither does he attempt much to keep his tough guy act going.

Sure, your request would harm his street credit and make him appear as more of a softie, so what? He can just raise it again after. Put people back in their place. This warehouse isn't a sand castle threatening to topple over at the slightest display of fragile masculinity. His people are loyal to a fault.

And he's sick of the same old boring routine. Look at you switching it up a little with a dance or two! although, a little cliché, don't you think? Not that he's complaining, if anything, he's the one pulling you back into even more dancing until your legs grow sore.

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4. Artemy

It takes little effort besides the suggestion itself to convince him, maybe bat your eyelashes a little, hug his arm, and he's completely yours for the time being.

He used to watch the herb brides dance as a kid. He had his fair share of drunk soldiers stumbling around and dragging the "surgeon who saved their life" into a clumsy rowdy dance. Artemy's body is the most comfortable swaying around, deliberate controlled steps, large hands holding you close and preventing you from stumbling to the ground.

Definitely improvises, weirdly good at it. Has no problem following your leads if you ever take control of the dance. The atmosphere is light-hearted. He hasn't done something simply, just fun in a long time. The dance ends in laughter as sticky marches upstairs to ask what's all this ruckus is about. Some people are actually trying to sleep in this house, you know.

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5. Lara

She reluctantly agrees after you plead your case for a while. A sigh leaving her lips as she gets up to join you. She's rigid at first, unsure movement and distant eyes. Clearly, her mind is preoccupied with a different matter, putting up very little resistance as you move her around.

So much weights on her mind, it's hard to forgo all her worries and simply be in the moment with you. Feel her heartbeat drumming along to the music, your touch on the nape of her neck, the warmth of your body so close by.

Eventually, she gives in. Walls melting as she regains her strength with a deep breath, putting her foot down and dancing to her own rhythm rather than simply making you trudge her limbless body around. She moves with fervour and passion, repressed emotions resurfacing, it's you who struggles to keep up with her. By the end, you're both breathless laying on the ground.

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6. Daniil

He's too busy, he doesn't have the time. Why don't you just go to a club if you want to dance so bad? Not to mention, you're in public right now. He would like to maintain his dignity and not have the people talking about the mad doctor who lost his mind and started dancing in the streets just yet.

But if you're going to be persistent, fine. He'll do it, only to make you happy. He isn't exactly in the mood, but sure, once the two of you are back at the comfortable privacy of your home, then he'd gladly play the gentleman role as much as you want.

Daniil enjoys it more than he lets in, having someone who looks forward to dancing with him, specifically him. Even if it conflicts with his schedule, he'll make the time for you.

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7. Stakh

He hasn't danced in...very long. Probably since he was a kid. Once his limb grew too tall, height too awkward, body too large for someone to properly hold.

The refusal comes out of his mouth before he has time to think about it, shaking his head and denying your earnest request. A guilty look in his eyes as your shoulders deflate.

It feels wrong, gnaws at his throat, he doesn't want to stand up. It doesn't feel appropriate yet, to celebrate, not when it's barely been a year since...he passed away. A part of him wants it, to take you in his arms and twirl you around, to smile with shakey lips as he attempts his best to recall the steps, to be a good dance partner for you, a good partner in general worthy of your heart. But he feels frozen in place, sitting on the wooden chair, back slightly hunched as he watches you move, still brimming with life.

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8. Yulia

It's not that she doesn't want to. It's more of her leg not allowing her to. Making it greatly difficult for her to move around so freely. On some days things are fine and she's able to walk around the street she carved, on other days...not so much. Even the pain of her body weight pressuring down her leg as she stands is far too much to endure.

A cane might have made it easier, but she doesn't want one, nor does she care to explain why. She's more than content to sit down, nurse her drink, and watch you waltz around.

True to her word, she does pay attention. Clear eyes following your every move, her finger tapping against the table with the rhythm of the music. Maybe with enough liquid courage, she might stand up and join you for a few seconds. Although you'd have to be the one to sit her back down before she strains her ankle for more than she can endure in a moment of spite against the world.

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9. Andrey

Just because he spends 90% of his day in a bar doesn't mean he's down to dancing. He watches others dance, not the other way around. The observer, never the entertainer.

Is what he claims, but in reality he doesn't mind dancing as long as he's in the mood. Make him think it's his idea, Andrey always chases after his desires, it's not that hard to make him desire having your bodies pressed together and moving to the beat of music in the air.

You'll have to be clever, plan ahead, and build up to the dance invitation. Getting Andrey to agree to something isn't that different from attempting to appease a greek god into granting you his favour.

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10. Peter

It would take nothing short of a miracle to get the man to depart from his beloved corner to sulk in and actually use his god-given tissue connectors to frail his limbs around.

Peter doesn't like moving much—wait no, let me rephrase. Peter doesn't like moving much when it's not on his own terms and mood. His habit of swaying around in place only extends so far, attempt to reach for him, and he'll recoil away with a bothered expression.

He doesn't like changing his schedule for someone else, and most of all, he doesn't like getting bored. Most of his own ideas do not interest him for more than a passing second, and he's the innovative genius architect of the decade—if not century. What hope do you have with your average imagination? Even in love, he tends to be self-centered. Wanting things to go his way. For you to pay attention to him and his interests, rarely indulging yours. Why dance? Aren't we all just dancing clowns in the circus of life? Isn't society already a big masquerade? All music sounds the same, you're not doing anything new, so why even try? He might stare at you with blank eyes, dissociating halfway through.

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11. Maria

Sit down before you embarrass her any further. She loves you, but this isn't the time nor the place for your impulsive shenanigans.

Spend enough time around the utopian bunch, and you, too, will quickly develop immunity to these eccentric types and their silly requests. Your display doesn't impress her. She's not letting her morning tea go cold just because you felt like taking her for a spin.

There is etiquette to these things, considerations. And your behaviour will reflect on her as well, she didn't marry so she could babysit, have some self control and wait your turn between all the other people and responsibilities demanding her attention.

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I'm so tired of your lies Andrey, you're not even wearing a hat you deceitful slut!

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Clara asking Grace to a date but it's later reveled that the date consists of Clara doing sick skateboard moves (ones she practiced yesterday in the Saburov's big yard) in the middle of the street while Grace sits on the sidewalk going "woah" every now and then, occasionally nibbling on the block of cheese Clara snagged for her from the Stamatin's fridge.

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I've noticed a pattern in my memes