#♔⚔ —— ❝ braveandunbreakable 》 mayu kir kaat

[defendrelor]

Character tag dump!

[defendrelor]

Isaak could hear Mayu scream his name - saints, it sounded like heaven in their mouth. Belyaev was there next to him, a steady presence as he pushed him down to the ground so he didn't overwhelm his failing body any further. There was nothing he could do to help than sit with him, gripping his shoulder, a squeeze then and there to ensure he stayed conscious. Passing out was dangerous - he could die before the healers arrived.

If he didn't feel so terribly sick, if he wasn't so sure that he couldn't get onto his feet, he would have crawled over to Mayu, would have comforted her, held her, told her it would all be fine. It's her fault that he was in this condition, their doing, her dagger, their foiled assassination. Yet he couldn't find it in him to despise her.

Belyaev had shifted on his knees, making space for two healers, a woman and a man, Isaak could barely take in their faces through his blurry vision.

❝ Hurts...❞ he manages to force out, his legs shaking as he felt their powers flood his body like an avalanche. It made him sick to the stomach, his chest constricting, his wounded heart lurching painfully behind his sternum as they coaxed it into compliance.

Hot. He was freezing but somehow also burning up. The world was a blur of various shades of agony and he wished nothing but to fade into nothingness again so he didn't have to face Nikolai like this. Sweet, sweet Kolya, already so worried about his condition...

A breath. A sigh of relief. A feeling of otherworldly bliss washed over him like soothing warm water. Isaak gave in to it eagerly, his eyelids drooping, breathing evening. He fell still.

Isaak REMEMBERED falling, drowning in darkness, like a heavy blanket draped over him, lulling him into an unsteady sleep. It had to be morning now, so much he could tell but he didn't have the slightest notion of how long he'd actually slumbered. Or had they put him into a coma again? There was a chair next to his bedside, though, surprisingly empty safe for a familiar piece of clothing. One of Nikolai's dress shirts. He'd worn them too, when he'd played king for a month. Isaak idly reached out to touch the soft fabric, sighing a little, too hazy to try and get up from his infirmary bed.

A thin blanket was drawn up until his midsection, his scarred chest laying bare, the healing wound over his heart a fierce red, bright against the morning light. Ugly. It was ugly and yet he was proud of it. The dagger should have killed him. It hadn't.

defendrelor​:

Nikolai and Isaak where two sides of the SAME COIN. Whereas one radiated confidence, the other drowning in a sea of insecurity. One had never gotten to be himself, the other had little interest in playing roles, playing a character he wasn’t and would never be. Unless he had to. Isaak had been a good Nikolai - an almost perfect façade of the legendary boy king and war hero - but no one could ever truly mimic the man. The tsar was too unique like that. Too…Nikolai.

Mayu had fallen for an illusion that wasn’t Isaak and that could never be him. HOW COULD HE KNOW they still wanted him, the peasant boy turned royal guard and king - if only temporarily - who sometimes struggled with basic social etiquette such as holding eye contact.

Had he fallen in love with Ehri - or was the real Ehri nothing like her doppelganger too?

❝This is Ravka, there is no such thing as HOPE here. Not for her, not for a lot of others .❞

The forever soldier, eternally at war. The grand lady in constant need of courting. The drowning man, dragging him back under just before reaching the short. The crying child, unable to be soothed. Ravka was so many things to him, to them. To Kolya.

❝She’s a princess. She wouldn’t have lived in peace. Wherever she’d go… she’d be hunted down by your queen. ❞

Now it was on him to speak TREASON but Isaak couldn’t help holding a certain grudge against the matriarchal monarch of Shu Han. After all, she’d had a hand in his almost demise.

Isaak was swaying on his feet but refusing to sit down, refusing to admit his weakness and give in to the wound she had inflicted on him. His good hand was resting on his chest now, over his pounding heart, trying to ease the pain inside. He was shaking with nothing but sheer rage and if he could have, he would have stormed out the dinning room.

❝ And I thought that was your intention all along, to kill me- ❞

The sentence came out unfinished because Isaak had sunken to his knees, panting, gasping for breath, his hands uselessly propping himself up against the floor as his wounded heart gave out on him once again, like it had done so many times in the past days. When no one knew whether he’d live or die. When he’d found Nikolai by his bedside way more often than it would have been appropriate for a king. Kolya, where was he now? What would he say seeing him like this, on his knees, close to passing out?

❛ Isaak! ❜ Mayu had cried, wide-eyed, as she rose to her feet with every intention of running to him. Before they could get nearer, they got intercepted by a guard who held her by the arm while Belyaev kneeled next to Isaak, turning him on his back gently before giving order to his comrades.  ❛ We need a healer, NOW! And you, go fetch the king. And someone, please, get the TRAITOR out of this room! ❜ Belyaev did his best to help Isaak but he was no healer and everyone in the room was painfully aware that, with this kind of injuries, everything would be fruitless without a grisha healer. Someone had left the room to fetch a healer and someone else had run off to find the king. Mayu had fallen to their knees about a meter away from Isaak’s frame, tears falling on her cheeks as the guard was tugging at their arm in an attempt to get her back on her feet. Mayu Kir-Kaat was to be escorted back to her room but they refused to cooperate. Their vision blurred by tears of sadness and anger, their body fighting off everyone who would get near them. Sure, she wasn’t back to full health yet but the Tavgharad were known to be the best trained and deadliest soldiers in the whole world and Mayu had trained harder than anyone to get where they were now. You don’t get to cry over him, a little voice whispered in her head. You brought this upon him. This is your own doing. You have no right to cry over him. And yet, here they were.  The king didn’t come but the healers did. The minutes passed and nothing seemed to happen but, then, Mayu heard one of the healers let out a sigh of relief and she stilled, cheeks laced with tears as the world started to spin around her. The Tavgharad felt their heart rate drop. That was when they realized Tolya had entered the room. Tamar was there as well. ❛ Where’s— Where’s Nikolai? ❜ Mayu said as Tamar caught her body. Tolya and Tamar exchanged glances before Tolya spoke. ❛ The king is… indisposed. ❜ Mayu was holding onto Tamar’s shirt, fighting to stay awake. The woman holding her smelled something like… Accelerant, Mayu realized. Then, as both her and Isaak were getting carried out of the dinning room and down the hallway, she finally brought herself to speak the words on her mind. ❛ Where’s— Where’s Ehri?? ❜ The urgency in her voice surprised even themselves since they usually weren’t the one to let their feelings for their princess show like that. The twins exchanged glances again. ❛ We’re taking you both to them. ❜ Tamar replied, gently. Mayu looked around, confused before the panic finally started to settle in.  ❛ That’s— That’s the infirm——❜ And that was when the darkness swallowed them whole.

[defendrelor]

Nikolai and Isaak where two sides of the SAME COIN. Whereas one radiated confidence, the other drowning in a sea of insecurity. One had never gotten to be himself, the other had little interest in playing roles, playing a character he wasn't and would never be. Unless he had to. Isaak had been a good Nikolai - an almost perfect façade of the legendary boy king and war hero - but no one could ever truly mimic the man. The tsar was too unique like that. Too...Nikolai.

Mayu had fallen for an illusion that wasn't Isaak and that could never be him. HOW COULD HE KNOW they still wanted him, the peasant boy turned royal guard and king - if only temporarily - who sometimes struggled with basic social etiquette such as holding eye contact.

Had he fallen in love with Ehri - or was the real Ehri nothing like her doppelganger too?

❝This is Ravka, there is no such thing as HOPE here. Not for her, not for a lot of others .❞

The forever soldier, eternally at war. The grand lady in constant need of courting. The drowning man, dragging him back under just before reaching the short. The crying child, unable to be soothed. Ravka was so many things to him, to them. To Kolya.

❝She's a princess. She wouldn't have lived in peace. Wherever she'd go... she'd be hunted down by your queen. ❞

Now it was on him to speak TREASON but Isaak couldn't help holding a certain grudge against the matriarchal monarch of Shu Han. After all, she'd had a hand in his almost demise.

Isaak was swaying on his feet but refusing to sit down, refusing to admit his weakness and give in to the wound she had inflicted on him. His good hand was resting on his chest now, over his pounding heart, trying to ease the pain inside. He was shaking with nothing but sheer rage and if he could have, he would have stormed out the dinning room.

❝ And I thought that was your intention all along, to kill me- ❞

The sentence came out unfinished because Isaak had sunken to his knees, panting, gasping for breath, his hands uselessly propping himself up against the floor as his wounded heart gave out on him once again, like it had done so many times in the past days. When no one knew whether he'd live or die. When he'd found Nikolai by his bedside way more often than it would have been appropriate for a king. Kolya, where was he now? What would he say seeing him like this, on his knees, close to passing out?

defendrelor​:

FORGIVENESS. An act so noble and yet so fruitless. Would he ever forgive her for trying to murder him? When he thought of death, he thought of Ehri, sweet, innocent Ehri who possessed no malintent. Not toward him. Not toward Nikolai. She’d pursued her freedom- had been tricked by her sister to believe in a mere farce of it.

He couldn’t blame Mayu for following her into doom - he would follow Nikolai to hell and back if needed, without any hesitation. Even if it meant certain death. They’d shared their moments of closeness, of intimacy, hushed kisses, a hand in his hair, pressed against each other, silent in the dead of night as to not get caught. Isaak had never thought that there could be anything MORE between them apart from the occasional display of affection. Shared glances, fleeting moments spent together. It had been hard to keep distance, to stay apart when he wanted nothing more than to scoot closer. He prided himself in his profession, a position in the royal guard was usually reserved for war heroes and the sons and daughters of lesser nobles. Not for peasant boys like him. Without Nikolai, he’d have found his end in the muddy trenches at the Fjerdan border.

Waking up both times - still alive - had been a shock. No, this time it was worse. Nikolai had been a MESS. Crying and weeping, the tsar’s hand stroking his sore chest ever so gently, easing the pain anchored so deeply inside of him. He’d whispered sweet nothings to him, calming his confused mind, his tumbling thoughts. His left hand, still resting in the sling, twitched ever so slightly at the terrible memory.

❝ You fell in love with him, not me. You would have missed again.❞

It had been Nikolai, not him, never him, he was just a simple man, not worthy of them. Saints, he wasn’t worthy of the tsar’s attention either and here he was nevertheless.

❝ She would have never been free! Her sister would have killed her no matter what. How can you be so delusional?❞

Isaak clung to the table, his fork long discarded, shaking and shivering with nothing but pure anger. His heart was racing in his aching chest, his head swimming with dizziness. He knew it wouldn’t take much more until he’d pass out.

❝ You speak nothing but TREASON. I would have gladly died for my king. His life is more important than mine could ever be.❞

Mayu opened their mouth to protest at Isaak’s first words but nothing came out. Their lips stayed parted in silence. Then, mouth closed. Did she? Did she really fell in love with Nikolai Lantsov, the king of Ravka? Sure, they’d fell in love with Isaak while he was dressed like a king. But the king she’d known then and the one she knew now were totally different. Nikolai was nothing like Isaak. He radiated confidence and power and he was all about mind games and rarely showed his true self. While the Tavgharad could objectively understand how people could swoon in front of the tsar, they didn’t personally feel attracted to the man in any way, shape or form though.  ❛ You’re wrong. ❜ Mayu said for only answer to his assumptions about her having fallen for Nikolai. It was all you, she whispered inwardly, i fell in love with you. But they couldn’t bring themselves to say it out loud. That would’ve been treason. He was right about her being delusional though. She wanted to believe Ehri had a real chance at the life she wanted. That one of them could be happy after all. They averted their eyes and whispered.  ❛ I—I had hope. For once. ❜ She admitted, wiping the tears off her cheeks with the sleeves of her uniform. ❛ I wanted to believe she’d get her happy ending. ❜ Unlike me.  When they looked back at him, they noticed how their frame was trembling with anger. She didn’t mean to agitate him. It wasn’t good for his wounded heart. A wave of guilt came rushing back. I did this. I did this to him, their little voice inside kept saying over and over.  ❛ Please… Please, don’t— don’t die on me. ❜ It had been meant with a bit of humor but it came out more as if she was imploring him to stay alive. And, in way, that was exactly what they were thinking. Please, stay alive. Stay with me.     

[defendrelor]

FORGIVENESS. An act so noble and yet so fruitless. Would he ever forgive her for trying to murder him? When he thought of death, he thought of Ehri, sweet, innocent Ehri who possessed no malintent. Not toward him. Not toward Nikolai. She'd pursued her freedom- had been tricked by her sister to believe in a mere farce of it.

He couldn't blame Mayu for following her into doom - he would follow Nikolai to hell and back if needed, without any hesitation. Even if it meant certain death. They'd shared their moments of closeness, of intimacy, hushed kisses, a hand in his hair, pressed against each other, silent in the dead of night as to not get caught. Isaak had never thought that there could be anything MORE between them apart from the occasional display of affection. Shared glances, fleeting moments spent together. It had been hard to keep distance, to stay apart when he wanted nothing more than to scoot closer. He prided himself in his profession, a position in the royal guard was usually reserved for war heroes and the sons and daughters of lesser nobles. Not for peasant boys like him. Without Nikolai, he'd have found his end in the muddy trenches at the Fjerdan border.

Waking up both times - still alive - had been a shock. No, this time it was worse. Nikolai had been a MESS. Crying and weeping, the tsar's hand stroking his sore chest ever so gently, easing the pain anchored so deeply inside of him. He'd whispered sweet nothings to him, calming his confused mind, his tumbling thoughts. His left hand, still resting in the sling, twitched ever so slightly at the terrible memory.

❝ You fell in love with him, not me. You would have missed again.❞

It had been Nikolai, not him, never him, he was just a simple man, not worthy of them. Saints, he wasn't worthy of the tsar's attention either and here he was nevertheless.

❝ She would have never been free! Her sister would have killed her no matter what. How can you be so delusional?❞

Isaak clung to the table, his fork long discarded, shaking and shivering with nothing but pure anger. His heart was racing in his aching chest, his head swimming with dizziness. He knew it wouldn't take much more until he'd pass out.

❝ You speak nothing but TREASON. I would have gladly died for my king. His life is more important than mine could ever be.❞

defendrelor​:

Mayu gets up on their feet and Isaak almost FOLLOWS SUIT, his face a perfect façade of serenity as he glades up at her, his heart racing at the thought of what she might attempt to do without the heartrender’s hold on her. Nothing, it seemed and he allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief. He wasn’t so sure he’d have had the strength to intervene should the need have arisen. Isaak digs into his cabbage rolls with an unkingly appetite, savoring the taste on his tongue, happy to eat something that didn’t lack taste nor flavor.

Maybe he should ask Nikolai to give him a Dacha. In Udova or saints-know-where, far away from Os Alta, to live out his last days in peace. Could he really LEAVE like that, though? Could he live without the tsar? Would the guilt not overwhelm him? His sense of serving a greater good? He’d played hero and he’d witnessed first hand how easily they could turn into martyrs. So why stay? Why not leave? Was safety really more important to him than his friends?

Deep inside, Isaak knew the answer. He could never leave. He’d stay until his death. He’d serve to his LAST BREATH. He’d PROTECT Nikolai with all he had. Was giving one life not enough? How often had he died? How often would he return for the tsar’s sake?

His mind was heavy with thoughts, occupied with memories, terrifying and yet so very important. He was sitting here, breathing, his heart beating because Nikolai had found him. He’d been a pale, lifeless figure without a pulse because of Mayu. His loyalty only belonged to his king. No one else. Yet he felt drawn to the Tavgharad. He had no explanation for it. Other than… Love. Stupid, stupid love. Isaak Artymovich Andreyev a victim of his crush. Fallen to the blade of an assassin he fell in love with. Ehri’s face brought nothing but death but Mayu’s, hers was different. Soft. Warm. He knew they were kind. They were amicable.

❝ You should be.❞

Isaak didn’t take such a threat to Nikolai’s life likely. He’d gladly throw himself in the line of fire for him again if it meant he’d be safe and well and spared of the agony that was a wounded heart.

❝ If you had stabbed my king’s heart, you wouldn’t be sitting on this table today. In fact, you wouldn’t be sitting anywhere because you’d be dead.❞

He’ll never forgive me, Mayu thought as they averted their gaze. Was it what she wanted? Forgiveness? Why would they even embarrassed themselves with such a thought, huh? Why did she care so damn much what he thought of her? Because you love him, whispered a little voice inside. Oh, shut up! You’ve known him for what? About a week? You can’t fall in love so damn fast. That’s not how it works. Or is it? Mayu had only fell in love once before and she still loved that person. Over the years, Ehri had been her charge, her friend and then, one day, Mayu had realized they’d fallen for the princess. Falling for Ehri had been unprofessional on her part but loving Isaak would be treason. They’d never told Ehri. They’d kept their distance. Stayed reasonable. Always. Mayu was happy just by being by her princess’ side. She was her Tavgharad and her friend and that was enough for her. They didn’t need more than that. Didn’t need their feelings to be returned. But still, they’d never told Ehri. She didn’t want her to feel obligated to anything. Ehri didn’t care much for romance and she’d never talked about marriage like her sisters. That wasn’t something she wanted for herself and that’s why it broke Mayu’s heart to see Ehri wearing the Lantsov’s colors. Ehri didn’t want to marry the Tsar of Ravka but Mayu knew the princess would do it for her people nonetheless. Because when you’re royalty you don’t get to choose. You don’t even get to be yourself and follow your heart’s desires. Duty is all that matters. And love and happiness is really just a lucky accident.  

❛ Of course, i would be dead. I would be dead because i wouldn’t have missed my heart. ❜ Mayu replied, gazing back at him. Her tone had been a little sharper than she’d expected but oh well. ❛ I would be dead because i would’ve killed the king and i wouldn’t have cried. I would’ve been dead because stupid conflicted feelings wouldn’t have gotten in the way! I don’t miss, Isaak. I never do! ❜ They let out a growl of frustration, stabbing their food before dropping their fork, their hand slightly shaking. Some of the anger was coming out. ❛ I was meant to die! I wanted to die. I was ready to. If—  If i had died, Ehri would’ve been free from a life at court and my brother would’ve lived. But now—— Now, we’re stuck here, in this stupid palace and Ehri is getting married off while she doesn’t even want to! And if Makhi already know about the wedding, then Reyem is as good as dead. And all i’ve done would’ve been for nothing! And i— i just can’t bear the thought of——  ❜ She’d stopped herself, tears of anger and fear blurring their vision. She’d turned her head away, trying to blink them back. It didn’t work. ❛ I was meant to kill the king… ❜ They whispered, still avoiding Isaak’s gaze. ❛ Not an innocent… Not you. ❜    

[defendrelor]

Mayu gets up on their feet and Isaak almost FOLLOWS SUIT, his face a perfect façade of serenity as he glades up at her, his heart racing at the thought of what she might attempt to do without the heartrender's hold on her. Nothing, it seemed and he allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief. He wasn't so sure he'd have had the strength to intervene should the need have arisen. Isaak digs into his cabbage rolls with an unkingly appetite, savoring the taste on his tongue, happy to eat something that didn't lack taste nor flavor.

Maybe he should ask Nikolai to give him a Dacha. In Udova or saints-know-where, far away from Os Alta, to live out his last days in peace. Could he really LEAVE like that, though? Could he live without the tsar? Would the guilt not overwhelm him? His sense of serving a greater good? He'd played hero and he'd witnessed first hand how easily they could turn into martyrs. So why stay? Why not leave? Was safety really more important to him than his friends?

Deep inside, Isaak knew the answer. He could never leave. He'd stay until his death. He'd serve to his LAST BREATH. He'd PROTECT Nikolai with all he had. Was giving one life not enough? How often had he died? How often would he return for the tsar's sake?

His mind was heavy with thoughts, occupied with memories, terrifying and yet so very important. He was sitting here, breathing, his heart beating because Nikolai had found him. He'd been a pale, lifeless figure without a pulse because of Mayu. His loyalty only belonged to his king. No one else. Yet he felt drawn to the Tavgharad. He had no explanation for it. Other than... Love. Stupid, stupid love. Isaak Artymovich Andreyev a victim of his crush. Fallen to the blade of an assassin he fell in love with. Ehri's face brought nothing but death but Mayu's, hers was different. Soft. Warm. He knew they were kind. They were amicable.

❝ You should be.❞

Isaak didn't take such a threat to Nikolai's life likely. He'd gladly throw himself in the line of fire for him again if it meant he'd be safe and well and spared of the agony that was a wounded heart.

❝ If you had stabbed my king's heart, you wouldn't be sitting on this table today. In fact, you wouldn't be sitting anywhere because you'd be dead.❞

defendrelor​:

Milk pudding, fried cakes, dumplings with sour cream, braised lamb with stewed apples and turnip. A perfect mix of both Ravkan and Shu cuisine, Nikolai had obviously put thought into this dinner long before they’d even had a chance to agree to it. Ever the considerate, ever the strategist. Isaak wouldn’t have expected different of him.

Cabbage rolls. Isaak’s mouth watered. He doubted they were as good as his mother’s but they reminded him of HOME. A feeling of security and stability he was longing for.

❝ No jellies, thank the saints.❞

A tired smile slipped onto his lips and he thanked the guard - Belyaev, a tall, blonde haired man who’d served in the border wars as well - for helping him to the table. He was long beyond feeling ashamed for his WEAKNESS.

Isaak was no hero, no king, no savior. He was a peasant boy eager to indulge in his favorite meal.

Time passed but Nikolai hadn’t shown up. Minutes stretching into eternity. He didn’t want to look at Mayu, didn’t converse with her without his tsar. Their stomach growled, Isaak held back a chuckle, understanding very well how she felt. He hadn’t eaten anything but Porridge in the last two days either. Light diet, the healers had said. He shouldn’t overwhelm his recovering body.

Sometimes, when the pain got too bad, he wished they’d put him into a coma again. Wake him when he was healed and well.

Months, Isaak. It will take months.

The confusion about the king’s whereabouts hadn’t gone past him as he noticed Mayu’s questioning glance.

A flick of his hand, a simple gesture he remembered from slipping into Nikolai’s role and pretending to be the most POWERFUL man of all Ravka for weeks.

It didn’t take long for a guard to hurry over, white uniform gleaming in the bright chandelier lights. A quiet exchange of whispers and then Isaak nodded.

❝Please, we shall begin with dinner. The tsar will join us later.❞

That flick of the hand. It didn’t fail to remind her of their private dinner on the island at the center of the lake. The moment they’d shared as king and princess. But of course, none of it had been real. Right? They’d both lied and played pretend and yet—— 

Could you love me if i wasn’t a king? I could, Mayu had said, I know I could. 

Isaak’s quiet exchange with the guard brought them back to the present. Her military brain had decided this was a set up, a trap. A way for the two of them to be alone together and work on their issues. The urge of punching King Charming had made a strong come back and she decided she was done playing this stupid game. Without thinking, Mayu rose to their feet, having every intention of leaving this place and punching their host. She would probably pass out before then but—— Wait a minute. The weakness was gone. Almost gone. At least, she could stand without the world spinning around her. That’s because Tolya isn’t in the room anymore, they realized. So the Heartrender DID have a hold on her. Mayu eyed the biggest knives on the table, weighing her options, wondering if, in their current shape, they could take on the four guards and get to princess Ehri. Probably not, she told herself. And even then, Tamar was probably still with her right now and the Heartrender could crush their heart as soon as she entered the room. A loud sigh of defeat and irritation escaped them as they fell right back into their chair with a wince. ❛ Your King is fashionably late. ❜ She commented between two bites, like nothing happened, as if they hadn’t been plotting their escape just a few seconds ago. Ehri was never late. Unless she had an anxiety attack before a banquet. But even then, Mayu was there to make sure she’d make it on time. They weren’t gonna mention Ehri though. Not unless absolutely necessary. She was very much aware of how Isaak reacted to that name and her image. Ehri had been burned in his mind as an omen of Death. Sweet, innocent Ehri… The Tavgharad couldn’t help but think the ravkan guard and the shu princess would’ve gotten along pretty well if it wasn’t for that assassination attempt. They both enjoyed poetry, were eager to learn and valued knowledge. They were also both gentle and polite…with the people that hadn’t stabbed them in the heart.

❛ I’m not sorry for attempting to assassinate the king of Ravka that night. ❜ They paused, picking the food in their plate. They seemed lost in thought for a moment. Then, her lips parted again as they found the courage to meet the man’s gaze. ❛ But if it’s any consolation, i am sorry that the heart i stabbed was yours. ❜

[defendrelor]

Milk pudding, fried cakes, dumplings with sour cream, braised lamb with stewed apples and turnip. A perfect mix of both Ravkan and Shu cuisine, Nikolai had obviously put thought into this dinner long before they'd even had a chance to agree to it. Ever the considerate, ever the strategist. Isaak wouldn't have expected different of him.

Cabbage rolls. Isaak's mouth watered. He doubted they were as good as his mother's but they reminded him of HOME. A feeling of security and stability he was longing for.

❝ No jellies, thank the saints.❞

A tired smile slipped onto his lips and he thanked the guard - Belyaev, a tall, blonde haired man who'd served in the border wars as well - for helping him to the table. He was long beyond feeling ashamed for his WEAKNESS.

Isaak was no hero, no king, no savior. He was a peasant boy eager to indulge in his favorite meal.

Time passed but Nikolai hadn't shown up. Minutes stretching into eternity. He didn't want to look at Mayu, didn't converse with her without his tsar. Their stomach growled, Isaak held back a chuckle, understanding very well how she felt. He hadn't eaten anything but Porridge in the last two days either. Light diet, the healers had said. He shouldn't overwhelm his recovering body.

Sometimes, when the pain got too bad, he wished they'd put him into a coma again. Wake him when he was healed and well.

Months, Isaak. It will take months.

The confusion about the king's whereabouts hadn't gone past him as he noticed Mayu's questioning glance.

A flick of his hand, a simple gesture he remembered from slipping into Nikolai's role and pretending to be the most POWERFUL man of all Ravka for weeks.

It didn't take long for a guard to hurry over, white uniform gleaming in the bright chandelier lights. A quiet exchange of whispers and then Isaak nodded.

❝Please, we shall begin with dinner. The tsar will join us later.❞

defendrelor​:

NIKOLAI’S HAND at the base of his neck was a welcomed source of comfort as Isaak indulged in the utter proximity of the tsar to him. They’d had their fair share of moments like that, neither of them knowing how far to go, how far to stay away, both longing to be in each other’s vicinity. It had been different when he’d almost died. He’d clung to Nikolai, tears staining his face, blood welling over his lips as he called his name over and over in a pain and fear induced haze. He’d been beyond terrified. Beyond afraid of falling. Letting go. GIVING IN TO THE DARKNESS that had threatened to pull him under.

Isaak had barely gotten any rest at all in the past days. He was antsy, on edge, irritable far beyond usual. The fact that they wouldn’t let him sleep in his own room but in the infirmary, under the watchful eyes of the few healers on duty. This was the first time he’d been allowed to leave - and only because it had been the KING’S ORDER.

Ehri was INNOCENT, the very mention of the princess caused the knots in his stomach to tighten. HEARTBREAK and DAGGERS were the only two things that came to his mind when he thought of her. Upon feeling Nikolai’s warm hand on his chest a memory flooded his mind.

Isaak remembered waking up, that very hand on his chest, ungloved, dark veins running up the light skin. He hadn’t flinched for a moment, even if the pain in his chest had been unbearable. Rarely ever let he see anyone what the demon, the merzost, had done to him. EXHAUSTED, the tsar had looked exhausted and BROKEN. Isaak hadn’t understood it then but he did now. They were much closer than a king and guard should be. Isaak found no flaw in it, couldn’t, because he cared about Nikolai.

He cared about Mayu, too. Probably too much, otherwise he wouldn’t be standing here.

Nikolai’s touch had faded but Tolya had scurried over to wrap a massive arm around his shoulder and STEADY him. He wouldn’t have put it beyond the man to carry him.

The Eagle’s Nest, the dining room most commonly used by the tsar, with its gold laced tapesteries and the giant Ravkan double eagle frieze on the ceiling, was a sight to behold, even after seeing it for more times than he could count.

❝ Hopefully they won’t serve us any jellies today.❞

Mayu felt a sharp pain in her forearm, right before the King let them go and be escorted out of the sitting room. Another guard took care of Isaak while Tolya suddenly decided to remain behind with the king. Two guards were escorting Mayu out and into the dinning room, one of them pushing her wheelchair. Once the Tsar was out of sight, Mayu looked down to their arm and frowned. Something seemed to have pricked her skin. The puncture wound seemed to have been made by a nail. A VERY SHARP NAIL.

It can’t be, Mayu thought. The king was wearing gloves. There was no way a simple nail could cut through the fabric of the gloves AND the sleeve of her Tavgharad uniform. Then, she thought back to how uneasy she felt as he leaned over them back in the sitting room. She could swear he’d looked like a PREDATOR, enjoying the smell of fear coming from his prey. Mayu didn’t scare easily but, in this moment, she was glad Isaak would be the judge of her actions. And then, she’d blinked and the witty and charming Tsar was back. The shift had been sudden. So much so the Tavgharad had wondered if they’d imagined it all. But that pain was very much REAL. That puncture wound as well. They’d quickly rolled down their sleeve at Isaak’s words. ❛ I swear on the Six Soldiers, if they try to feed me any more jellies, they’re gonna regret bringing me back to life. ❜ She said as the guards pushed her wheelchair into the other room. 

When they entered the luxurious dinning room, food was quick to arrive. There were even some Shu dishes. Mayu had even spotted her favorite. And there was more than enough for three people, which meant Nikolai had known all along the two would accept to have dinner with him… or that he didn’t mind wasting food. Mayu decided that the first option was more suitable for a Tsar as brilliant and considerate as Nikolai Lantsov. The Too-Clever Fox still hadn’t joined them though. So, they waited and waited…AND WAITED. And after about fifteen minutes of waiting in complete silence and eyeing their favorite dish on the table, Mayu’s stomach growled, LOUD. She flushed, bringing a hand to their hungry belly. ❛ ——Will the king be joining us soon? ❜ the Tavgharad asked, hesitantly, looking at a guard standing in the corner of the room. No response. Though a quick look around let her know that all the guards in the room were exchanging looks. They’re confused. They don’t know why the king is taking so long. Mayu’s brown eyes suddenly fell on ISAAK, silently asking Do you know what’s going on?

[defendrelor]

NIKOLAI'S HAND at the base of his neck was a welcomed source of comfort as Isaak indulged in the utter proximity of the tsar to him. They'd had their fair share of moments like that, neither of them knowing how far to go, how far to stay away, both longing to be in each other's vicinity. It had been different when he'd almost died. He'd clung to Nikolai, tears staining his face, blood welling over his lips as he called his name over and over in a pain and fear induced haze. He'd been beyond terrified. Beyond afraid of falling. Letting go. GIVING IN TO THE DARKNESS that had threatened to pull him under.

Isaak had barely gotten any rest at all in the past days. He was antsy, on edge, irritable far beyond usual. The fact that they wouldn't let him sleep in his own room but in the infirmary, under the watchful eyes of the few healers on duty. This was the first time he'd been allowed to leave - and only because it had been the KING'S ORDER.

Ehri was INNOCENT, the very mention of the princess caused the knots in his stomach to tighten. HEARTBREAK and DAGGERS were the only two things that came to his mind when he thought of her. Upon feeling Nikolai's warm hand on his chest a memory flooded his mind.

Isaak remembered waking up, that very hand on his chest, ungloved, dark veins running up the light skin. He hadn't flinched for a moment, even if the pain in his chest had been unbearable. Rarely ever let he see anyone what the demon, the merzost, had done to him. EXHAUSTED, the tsar had looked exhausted and BROKEN. Isaak hadn't understood it then but he did now. They were much closer than a king and guard should be. Isaak found no flaw in it, couldn't, because he cared about Nikolai.

He cared about Mayu, too. Probably too much, otherwise he wouldn't be standing here.

Nikolai's touch had faded but Tolya had scurried over to wrap a massive arm around his shoulder and STEADY him. He wouldn't have put it beyond the man to carry him.

The Eagle's Nest, the dining room most commonly used by the tsar, with its gold laced tapesteries and the giant Ravkan double eagle frieze on the ceiling, was a sight to behold, even after seeing it for more times than he could count.

❝ Hopefully they won't serve us any jellies today.❞

defendrelor​:

ISAAK COULD FEEL his heart rate drop out of nowhere , drawing in a panicked gasp , his eyes wide and slightly unfocused as he failed to regain his composure . Fear flooded his senses , the shirt underneath his military coat sweated through by now - he hadn’t been ready to face Mayu again , not under such circumstances .

Then Nikolai was there - he was always there when he needed him - a soothing hand on his shoulder , his own palm pressed against the tsar’s chest instead of the wall now , feeling the steady rhythm of his heart pounding away underneath his fingertips . His face flushed slightly , not only from the strain of standing upright and pushing his own wounded body to the very edge of its current capabilities.

BREATHE WITH HIM he did , deep , slow , inhales , a pause and then an exhale , shuddering but there . His gaze finally lifted, brown meeting hazel and he couldn’t help but soften .

They’d been through worse , they’d witnessed the HORRORS OF HALMHEND , they’d fought and bled and suffered , freezed and starved , shivered from the sheer cold and shook from terrible fevers . They were still here . There was still time to make things right . One step at a time , Isaak would claim JUSTICE . He just had to listen . Pay attention to her words , from an opinion . Saints , he hated it already . He was good at following orders , not giving them. In the first army , he’d never achieved a rank above private first class - no wonder - and here he was a Captain . A decorated officer . Sometimes he wondered if Nikolai had expected too much of him . If he should pack his things and return to his family . Live of taking on errand jobs .

The Grand palace was his home now , the tsar had said as much and yet Isaak couldn’t help but feel so out of place ever since his brush with death . Was it a normal process? Did he need time to overcome his newly aquired trauma ? Likely . Still the doubts wouldn’t fade .

❝ spasibo… spasibo…❞

It was all he was able to mutter , to tell him . Saints, he was grateful , so entirely grateful to be allowed to leave should the urge arise . Lest he’d collapse during dinner , an experience he’d rather not explore the depths of .

What was between him and Nikolai anyway ? After Dominik’s death , the lines had blurred . He recalled fleeting touches, glances, gestures but Isaak was to shy to point them out . To return them in a way that would have been fitting for a king . So here he was , with his hand on his tsar’s chest, contemplating his entire existence until this very moment. A MIRACLE or a TRAGEDY , he couldn’t tell really.

As long as Ehri was safe and sound , Mayu would accept their fate . Could they protect her from her sister or was it all just a farce? A veil of ignorance - until the next assassination attempt?

❝ I cannot promise you mercy.❞

The words were hoarse but pointedly sharper than he intended.

❝ But how can I know your princess has no ill intentions after all. I’m just a guard, protecting my king, I believe one stabbed heart is enough.❞

For a moment there, it felt like they were back in Halmhend, just the two of them, relying on each other. For survival, for COMFORT. Nikolai couldn’t afford losing another friend. Not after Dominik’s death. Not ever. He might’ve been a prince, a king-to-be, but he would’ve died a thousand times if it meant Isaak would make it home to his family. Sure, his friend wouldn’t have wanted him to but he didn’t care. If one of them was gonna make it home, it NEEDED to be Isaak. And that day Isaak almost died in his arms, trying to protect him, Nikolai felt like another part of himself was being TORN FROM HIM. The part that had somehow remained after Dominik’s passing. He felt like he couldn’t be the man he wished to be without either of them by his sides. But Isaak had survived, thank the Saints! And Nikolai had made sure he’d been well cared for, doing it himself. Offering him a place in the royal guard, making sure he was safe and to provide for his family. That was his way of saying I care and You’re important to me.

In this very moment, where Isaak’s brown eyes met his hazel, Nikolai wondered who was truly relying on whom. Isaak was probably thinking his Tsar was his ANCHOR right now but, truth is, the king sometimes found himself needing those TOUCHES. He needed the reassurance that Isaak was truly there, that he wasn’t just a mirage. That he was REAL and that the last few days where he’d been almost gone were behind them. They breathed together, deep, slow, Isaak’s hand on his chest, feeling his beating heart through layers of clothes, Nikolai’s thumb SOOTHING the skin where the man’s neck met the shoulder. Once Isaak had managed to calm down, enough to reply to Mayu’s, the king had let go but not all at once. His fingers brushing the skin as if to hold onto EVERY BIT OF HIM like Isaak Andreyev was but a phantom bound to disappear and that such disappearance would BREAK him beyond repair. 

Nikolai couldn’t judge Mayu fairly. He couldn’t because Isaak meant TOO MUCH to him. It was the second time the man had almost died in his arms. The Tsar held so much ANGER towards himself but some of it was directed at the Tavgharad that had wielded the blade, the one that had wounded Isaak’s heart, both physically and metaphorically. And the demon within him was FEEDING OFF those emotions, of that rage, that violence within, begging him to INDULGE in it. He’d slept terribly these past few days and he was very much grateful for Genya’s tailoring as well as the potions she and David were constantly working on to appease the DARKNESS inside. 

Mayu couldn’t help but think the scene unfolding before her eyes was very INTIMATE. Beyond the usual monarch/guard relationship. Beyond friendship. Mayu certainly had never been that close to Ehri but they most certainly WISHED to be. She caught Tolya’s gaze from across the room and wondered if the Heartrender also thought the same. How many of these encounters had he witnessed as a close friend to the king? Mayu actually felt GUILTY to spoil such an intimate moment with her upcoming tale. At Isaak’s words, their brown eyes found those of the man she’d almost killed. Her heart skipped a beat. A few seconds passed before they dared to speak. ❛ I will abide by your judgment, Isaak, whether it involves mercy or not. And I promise you, Ehri is innocent. My tale will prove it. I’m the only one to blame for following my Queen’s orders. ❜ 

It wasn’t entirely true. Ehri knew a lot but Mayu was willing to lie to PROTECT her princess, to assure her safety. Even if that meant they would be the one facing JUSTICE alone. Mayu knew they were taking a huge RISK, especially since they had no idea what Ehri had already told the king. Which was probably the reason why the two Shu weren’t allowed in the same room together without Tolya or Tamar and their constant shadowing. And for that, the Tavgharad had to admit Nikolai, under all those witty remarks and charms, was truly living up to that Too-Clever Fox reputation. Another satisfied grin spread across the King’s face, hazel eyes gleaming with… ANTICIPATION. Or was it HUNGER? He’s enjoying himself, Mayu thought. Enjoying this mind game. Perhaps even enjoying the thought of my demise… 

❛ This is the kind of DEVOTION we appreciate and honor in this palace, is it not? ❜ Nikolai said, patting Isaak’s chest, making sure not to put too much pressure on his healing wound before gesturing for Tolya to come help escort his friend into the royal dinner room. Then, he crossed the room to the Tavgharad and LEANED OVER her, both hands resting on the arms of the wheelchair and over Mayu’s arms already resting there. ❛ Very well then. We shall listen to your tale. I’ve heard a bit already but I’m looking forward to hearing your side of the story, Mayu Kir-Kaat. ❜ 

[defendrelor]

ISAAK COULD FEEL his heart rate drop out of nowhere , drawing in a panicked gasp , his eyes wide and slightly unfocused as he failed to regain his composure . Fear flooded his senses , the shirt underneath his military coat sweated through by now - he hadn't been ready to face Mayu again , not under such circumstances .

Then Nikolai was there - he was always there when he needed him - a soothing hand on his shoulder , his own palm pressed against the tsar's chest instead of the wall now , feeling the steady rhythm of his heart pounding away underneath his fingertips . His face flushed slightly , not only from the strain of standing upright and pushing his own wounded body to the very edge of its current capabilities.

BREATHE WITH HIM he did , deep , slow , inhales , a pause and then an exhale , shuddering but there . His gaze finally lifted, brown meeting hazel and he couldn't help but soften .

They'd been through worse , they'd witnessed the HORRORS OF HALMHEND , they'd fought and bled and suffered , freezed and starved , shivered from the sheer cold and shook from terrible fevers . They were still here . There was still time to make things right . One step at a time , Isaak would claim JUSTICE . He just had to listen . Pay attention to her words , from an opinion . Saints , he hated it already . He was good at following orders , not giving them. In the first army , he'd never achieved a rank above private first class - no wonder - and here he was a Captain . A decorated officer . Sometimes he wondered if Nikolai had expected too much of him . If he should pack his things and return to his family . Live of taking on errand jobs .

The Grand palace was his home now , the tsar had said as much and yet Isaak couldn't help but feel so out of place ever since his brush with death . Was it a normal process? Did he need time to overcome his newly aquired trauma ? Likely . Still the doubts wouldn't fade .

❝ spasibo... spasibo...❞

It was all he was able to mutter , to tell him . Saints, he was grateful , so entirely grateful to be allowed to leave should the urge arise . Lest he'd collapse during dinner , an experience he'd rather not explore the depths of .

What was between him and Nikolai anyway ? After Dominik's death , the lines had blurred . He recalled fleeting touches, glances, gestures but Isaak was to shy to point them out . To return them in a way that would have been fitting for a king . So here he was , with his hand on his tsar's chest, contemplating his entire existence until this very moment. A MIRACLE or a TRAGEDY , he couldn't tell really.

As long as Ehri was safe and sound , Mayu would accept their fate . Could they protect her from her sister or was it all just a farce? A veil of ignorance - until the next assassination attempt?

❝ I cannot promise you mercy.❞

The words were hoarse but pointedly sharper than he intended.

❝ But how can I know your princess has no ill intentions after all. I'm just a guard, protecting my king, I believe one stabbed heart is enough.❞

defendrelor​:

IN TRUTH Isaak would have never been able to say no , to decline an offer of such a kind. Nikolai knew him , he’d been his communion officer since long ago , back at HALMHEND , in the icy trenches , on muddy Fjerdan soil. He would follow his Tsar anywhere and the man was very much aware of that.

CURSE his LOYALTY , his inclination to SERVE and to be of service to the crown. It was his HONOR and his BURDEN. His FORTUNE and his DOOM .

Ever since that fateful day in the medik tent where Nikolai had set the glass to his lips to allow him to drink some water , he’d been lost . Lost and saved. Saved from a life being forgotten , yet another casually of the border wars . Lost , lost because he’d found Ehri- , no , Mayu only for them to meet him with nothing but hatred . He could swear he’d something else in her eyes too.

Longing. Affection. Desire.

Isaak felt too many emotions at once , wildly in disarray , switching back and forth from outright love to incredible anger .

His mother would have lost her son , his sisters their brother -

Papa was already gone. Who would have provided for them? Nikolai would have kept an eye on them for sure but -

Their gaze was set on him and Isaak couldn’t help but bristle . Terrible memories. He remembered her collapsing next to him , a blur of colors , the Tsar’s face , calling his name , begging him to stay awake but his head had been full of cotton and the pain was too great . He might never recover fully , he’d been told , he might always have issues with his HEART . Not only physically , he thought grimly as he watched Ehri leave. Nikolai was talking but Isaak drowned it all out , the haze of his thoughts too thick for him to pay attention.

Isaak shall decide how you should be judged for your actions .

Those words made him snap out of his dream like state , tensing next to them , his right hand reaching out , palm pressing against the fine tapestried wall as he tried to steady himself , his left arm in a sling to prevent him from putting too much strain on his wounds. The injury to his heart had been severe , he would have died if Tolya hadn’t manually pumped it to keep his blood circulating . He was dizzy , not only from the weakened state of his body but from the sheer responsibility of it all. Her FATE was in his hands.

❝ Moi tsar , you can’t possibly mean …. I apologize but … but my words mean nothing …❞

He stuttered and stammered , his anxiety sky high , face chalky white as he barely managed to keep himself upright.

Nikolai knew Isaak would have a strong reaction following this revelation. After all, judging the person he’d fallen in love with only to have them drive a knife to his heart wasn’t an easy task. But Nikolai trusted his friend and his judgment. Isaak had been wronged by this person and he deserved the kind of justice he wished upon that person. Nikolai was known to be a fine strategist, though the Too-Clever Fox he was seemed to have miscalculated just how much this wounded heart would react to such a heavy task. Of course, all knew the king was never one to shy away from a good shock value but, this time, he actually felt guilty that the show he was putting on was affecting his dear friend so much. From the corner of his eye, he saw Tolya lift a hand as if to slow Isaak’s heart rate but Nikolai knew it’d be hard for him to manage both former lovebirds at once and he couldn’t afford for Mayu to be free of the Heartrender’s hold. 

❛ Isaak… Isaak, look at me. ❜ Nikolai had crossed the room to him, placing a firm hand on his shoulder and Isaak’s hand to his chest so he’d have a steady heart  rate to focus on. The one of his king, of his friend. A friend whom he knew he could trust because they’d been through worse together. ❛ Breathe with me. ❜ His voice was calm, soft while still being that of a Tsar. ❛ Listen to me, friend. I’m not asking you to decide today. I just want you to listen to what the person who wronged you has to say for themselves. Today, all I’m asking you is to have dinner with me and listen to what Mayu has to say. If it’s too much, if you feel too overwhelmed, you can leave anytime you want, I promise. I will not hold you hostage in your own home. ❜

Mayu couldn’t do much else than stay silent in her wheelchair and watched as the king comforted his guard. His friend. They truly are friends, they thought. But a little voice in her head whispered back to her. Maybe more than friends. They didn’t act like lovers but she could feel something was left unsaid between them. Did it bother them as someone who felt like she could’ve loved Isaak? No, it didn’t. In fact, she only wished she could be doing the same with Ehri right now. Bring her comfort. Just be there, by her side, the way Nikolai was for Isaak. But they weren’t allowed to. Yet. They weren’t allowed to yet. If they behaved, then maybe King Nikolai would let them. The words came out of their mouth before she could stop herself. ❛ And you have my word. I, Mayu Kir-Kaat, will honor any judgment Isaak Andreyev wishes upon my person, as long as Princess Ehri’s safety is guaranteed. No harm shall come to her, no matter her involvement in this plot against the crown of Ravka. You can also consider this my dying wish, if i’m to die in mysterious circumstances or be dramatically executed. ❜ 

Are you insane? she whispered inwardly. That means you cannot plan an escape. If you do, then this won’t stand anymore. Then, i shall not escape, they answered back. I shall stay where they want me to. What else is there for me out there? Nothing. Reyem is probably dead already or, if he isn’t, he will be the second Makhi hears of the wedding. Ehri still had a chance at a good life. And if it’s the last gift they could give her as her Tavgharad, as her friend, as someone who loved her from a distance, then so be it.  

[defendrelor]

IN TRUTH Isaak would have never been able to say no , to decline an offer of such a kind. Nikolai knew him , he'd been his communion officer since long ago , back at HALMHEND , in the icy trenches , on muddy Fjerdan soil. He would follow his Tsar anywhere and the man was very much aware of that.

CURSE his LOYALTY , his inclination to SERVE and to be of service to the crown. It was his HONOR and his BURDEN. His FORTUNE and his DOOM .

Ever since that fateful day in the medik tent where Nikolai had set the glass to his lips to allow him to drink some water , he'd been lost . Lost and saved. Saved from a life being forgotten , yet another casually of the border wars . Lost , lost because he'd found Ehri- , no , Mayu only for them to meet him with nothing but hatred . He could swear he'd something else in her eyes too.

Longing. Affection. Desire.

Isaak felt too many emotions at once , wildly in disarray , switching back and forth from outright love to incredible anger .

His mother would have lost her son , his sisters their brother -

Papa was already gone. Who would have provided for them? Nikolai would have kept an eye on them for sure but -

Their gaze was set on him and Isaak couldn't help but bristle . Terrible memories. He remembered her collapsing next to him , a blur of colors , the Tsar's face , calling his name , begging him to stay awake but his head had been full of cotton and the pain was too great . He might never recover fully , he'd been told , he might always have issues with his HEART . Not only physically , he thought grimly as he watched Ehri leave. Nikolai was talking but Isaak drowned it all out , the haze of his thoughts too thick for him to pay attention.

Isaak shall decide how you should be judged for your actions .

Those words made him snap out of his dream like state , tensing next to them , his right hand reaching out , palm pressing against the fine tapestried wall as he tried to steady himself , his left arm in a sling to prevent him from putting too much strain on his wounds. The injury to his heart had been severe , he would have died if Tolya hadn't manually pumped it to keep his blood circulating . He was dizzy , not only from the weakened state of his body but from the sheer responsibility of it all. Her FATE was in his hands.

❝ Moi tsar , you can't possibly mean .... I apologize but ... but my words mean nothing ...❞

He stuttered and stammered , his anxiety sky high , face chalky white as he barely managed to keep himself upright.

defendrelor​:

Nikolai Lantsov was no king of hers , so much she’d made clear when she tried to kill his doppelganger. She showed no respect, no gratitude , were it for anyone else she would be rotting in a filthy dungeon for the rest of their miserable life - or until her execution . His chest stung uncomfortably at the thought of such a possible fate befalling them. Seeing her die again would be the last of his wishes - he’d have to inquire with Nikolai. It was difficult. It was a conflicted situation and yet , he knew he had to save them , himself and her , no matter the cost.

❝ Oh , indeed . Your second account of treason this week , Kir-Kaat. ❞

An exhausted smirk crept onto his features, knowing fully well that Tolya wouldn’t let her continue to spew nonsense like that lest she wanted to lose her head for crimen maiestatis.

Stupidly loyal as he was to Nikolai , he found himself disliking her tone , aware of how dulcet and kind they could be.

If I were not a KING … what is it you like about ME ?

He’d questioned, had asked and had meant it with all of his heart. Before she’d stabbed it.

Leaving was not the solution to their problems , not that Tolya would let her anyway . She was here for a reason . Not to die but for a purpose . Something greater. His eyes lifted and his posture straightened when he spotted his king , pushing himself up against the pillows of the divan , sitting now , half - reclined , trying to mask his discomfort at moving too much. Ehri was beautiful indeed with her porcelain skin and raven black hair - but something inside of him flinched at the sight of her . Her appearance had burned into his mind . Doom . Death . Destruction .

❝ It would be my pleasure , moi tsar. ❞

USE your brain one saints forsaken time instead of letting your tongue slip , he thought to himself, cursing inwardly at his own response. Being this close to them hurt , hurt him more than it did any good and still he craved her presence.

A satisfied grin spread across the King’s face. ❛ Perfect! ❜ Then, he turned to Mayu who seemed… shocked. Was the Tavgharad hoping Isaak would say no? Because Nikolai had sincerely no doubt the man would say yes. ❛ What’s the matter? Are you not hungry for a royal meal? ❜ 

Mayu blinked, realizing they’d been staring at Isaak, lips parted, since he had given his response. She pressed her lips together, turning her gaze back to the king, brown eyes narrowed. ❛ You would have dinner with someone who attempted your own murder? ❜ They asked, the suspicion clear in her voice. And almost succeeded in killing your friend and doppelganger, had been left unsaid. 

❛ What can i say? I live for the thrill. ❜ Nikolai replied as Tamar escorted Ehri out of the room and back to her chambers. Mayu wasn’t listening anymore, their gaze following their princess until she disappeared. They needed to talk to her. Know how she was doing. Trully. Let her know that she was gonna get her out of here. No matter what. But first, she needed to behave. Make sure the king trusted them. Play their game, Mayu. Play their silly game and, when you have the occasion, strike and take Ehri far far away. You can do this. She breathed out. Letting go of the tension in her frame. ❛ Very well then. It would be rude of me to refuse the Tsar responsible for my survival and my luxurious accommodations. ❜ They summoned a smile of gratitude. ❛ After all, i’m but a traitor to your crown. I should be on my knees, begging for my life in this very moment, not wondering if the king of ravka has gone mad. ❜

❛ Oh, i’m most certainly going mad. ❜ Nikolai smiled, slyly, adjusting his gloves that hid the proof of his literal inner demon. ❛ And begging me for your life will not serve you, Mayu Kir-Kaat. Flattery is always appreciated. Though, in this case, mercy isn’t for me to grant. ❜ The eyes of the Too-Clever Fox fell on Isaak, his friend and loyal guard, still recovering from his literally and metaphorically wounded heart. Nikolai had witnessed the attempted murder. At first, it had seemed like two lovers meeting in secret and then the dagger had plunged into his doppelganger’s heart. He had witnessed the tears pouring down on the assassin’s cheeks as they kissed the dying man’s lips one last time before driving the same dagger into their own beating heart. Thank the Saints, Nikolai had been there to call for help! Otherwise both of them would be dead and the blame would’ve fallen on Fjerda. He looked to Mayu as he spoke again. ❛ Need i remind you it is not my heart that had an unfortunate run-in with your dagger. Sure, it might’ve been your intention to kill me but i’m still alive and well, and therefore, after dinner, after you told your story, Isaak shall decide how you should be judged for your actions. ❜

[defendrelor]

Nikolai Lantsov was no king of hers , so much she'd made clear when she tried to kill his doppelganger. She showed no respect, no gratitude , were it for anyone else she would be rotting in a filthy dungeon for the rest of their miserable life - or until her execution . His chest stung uncomfortably at the thought of such a possible fate befalling them. Seeing her die again would be the last of his wishes - he'd have to inquire with Nikolai. It was difficult. It was a conflicted situation and yet , he knew he had to save them , himself and her , no matter the cost.

❝ Oh , indeed . Your second account of treason this week , Kir-Kaat. ❞

An exhausted smirk crept onto his features, knowing fully well that Tolya wouldn't let her continue to spew nonsense like that lest she wanted to lose her head for crimen maiestatis.

Stupidly loyal as he was to Nikolai , he found himself disliking her tone , aware of how dulcet and kind they could be.

If I were not a KING … what is it you like about ME ?

He'd questioned, had asked and had meant it with all of his heart. Before she'd stabbed it.

Leaving was not the solution to their problems , not that Tolya would let her anyway . She was here for a reason . Not to die but for a purpose . Something greater. His eyes lifted and his posture straightened when he spotted his king , pushing himself up against the pillows of the divan , sitting now , half - reclined , trying to mask his discomfort at moving too much. Ehri was beautiful indeed with her porcelain skin and raven black hair - but something inside of him flinched at the sight of her . Her appearance had burned into his mind . Doom . Death . Destruction .

❝ It would be my pleasure , moi tsar. ❞

USE your brain one saints forsaken time instead of letting your tongue slip , he thought to himself, cursing inwardly at his own response. Being this close to them hurt , hurt him more than it did any good and still he craved her presence.

defendrelor​:

Isaak was TENSE , his whole posture displaying his discomfort. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be this close to his almost assassin , even if they’d believed him to be his king. Somehow it was even worse that way , he thought . HOW should he ever forgive someone who tried to kill his Tsar? Isaak had always respected Nikolai , he had done so much for him and his family , he could never repay the favor. He couldn’t forget how SOFT her lips had felt on his before the pain of having a dagger shoved into his heart had numbed his mind . What he would give to kiss them again , passionately , truly , without a murderous intent on her side.

Their gazes averted as Tolya intervened . For a moment Isaak contemplated saying something , anything , to garner her attention . A flick of a hand , a slight pressure on his chest , the heartrender adjusted his racing pulse to a more stable rhythm .

His head felt fuzzy , heavy and he had trouble dragging his eyes over onto something else .

ANYTHING to not look at them. His glance found the guards , impassive , silent and he began musing in his head again. Nonchalant things. He’d served with many of the royal guards but standing at attention at the door just opposite from him was the most familiar.

Trukhin.

A friend. A brother in arms. One of the few people he still dared putting his trust in , for the many nights spend at each other’s side , keeping watch .

They sat like that for a while , utterly quiet , utterly awkward and then -

❝ The king told you to stay , so there is a point in staying , isn’t there ? ❞

Isaak scoffed at the blatant show of disrespect for his Tsar. Orders were orders , Shu or not , they’d learned as much in the military .

❝ Why do you think I am here , hm ? What could possibly involve both of us, Tavgharad ? ❞

Your TRIAL . My JUSTICE . Our FALL .

❛ Nikolai Lantsov is no king of mine. ❜ Mayu replied without a second thought. The tension in their body doubling as a surge of anger came rushing to the surface. He’d called her Tavgharad as if it was an insult. They glared at him, trying to summon all the hate in her frame but when their gaze met his again, she felt a wave of guilt. Her heart squeezed at the feeling and they averted their eyes once more.  The tension in the room was palpable. Until then, Tolya had remained quiet and composed. But, just like Isaak, he wasn’t gonna let Mayu Kir-Kaat disrespect his king so blatantly without saying anything.  ❛ He will be when Princess Ehri becomes his Queen. Need I remind you that you stay at the Grand Palace by his grace, that otherwise you’d be rotting in a cell? Perhaps a little gratitude is in order. ❜  ❛ She will never be his queen. ❜ The determination in her voice, like a knife to a throat.  ❛ What they’re discussing behind those doors says otherwise. ❜  ❛ There’s still plenty of time before the wedding. ❜ Mayu argued, eyes fixated on the closed doors as if she could burst it open using only her mind.  ❛ This sounds like a threat to me, Mayu Kir-Kaat. Doesn’t it, Isaak? ❜ Tolya’s gold eyes turned to the recovering guard. The heartrender didn’t look threatened at all. In fact, he looked amused at the obstinate Tavgharad and that only angered the latter more. ❛ Take it as you wish, for all i care. I’m done waiting.❜ She strolled away in her wheelchair. No one seemed to stop her and then suddenly she felt her blood pressure drop and the world spun around them. Ugh. Curse the Heartrender. 

The double doors to the King’s office opened, revealing Nikolai, his golden hair, clever hazel eyes and dazzling grin. Princess Ehri stood next to him, a polite smile painted her lips but the light in her toffee brown orbs was nowhere to be found. The poor thing looked miserable inside Who could blame her? After all, she was a hostage in a foreign country. Mayu wanted to punch King Charming’s grin away.  ❛ I’m all yours now. But i won’t discuss such serious matters as trials on an empty stomach. ❜ Nikolai declared. ❛ Would you care to join me? My invitation extends to both of you, of course. ❜ He added, hazel hues going from Isaak to Mayu to Isaak again. ❛ Unless you don’t want to be in each other’s presence any longer than necessary. Which would be totally understandable, considering. ❜

[defendrelor]

Isaak was TENSE , his whole posture displaying his discomfort. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be this close to his almost assassin , even if they'd believed him to be his king. Somehow it was even worse that way , he thought . HOW should he ever forgive someone who tried to kill his Tsar? Isaak had always respected Nikolai , he had done so much for him and his family , he could never repay the favor. He couldn't forget how SOFT her lips had felt on his before the pain of having a dagger shoved into his heart had numbed his mind . What he would give to kiss them again , passionately , truly , without a murderous intent on her side.

Their gazes averted as Tolya intervened . For a moment Isaak contemplated saying something , anything , to garner her attention . A flick of a hand , a slight pressure on his chest , the heartrender adjusted his racing pulse to a more stable rhythm .

His head felt fuzzy , heavy and he had trouble dragging his eyes over onto something else .

ANYTHING to not look at them. His glance found the guards , impassive , silent and he began musing in his head again. Nonchalant things. He'd served with many of the royal guards but standing at attention at the door just opposite from him was the most familiar.

Trukhin.

A friend. A brother in arms. One of the few people he still dared putting his trust in , for the many nights spend at each other's side , keeping watch .

They sat like that for a while , utterly quiet , utterly awkward and then -

❝ The king told you to stay , so there is a point in staying , isn't there ? ❞

Isaak scoffed at the blatant show of disrespect for his Tsar. Orders were orders , Shu or not , they'd learned as much in the military .

❝ Why do you think I am here , hm ? What could possibly involve both of us, Tavgharad ? ❞

Your TRIAL . My JUSTICE . Our FALL .

defendrelor​:

An unnatural PALOR clung to Isaak’s skin, a tinge of gray he couldn’t seem to shake off, not even after having been tailored back to his old self. He was sprawled out on one of the lush divans, his palm idly resting on his heart, over his uniform, the bandages peeking through despite his high collar. He knew that this was anything but adequate and yet -

His chest hurt. Still. It had been days. Tolya told him it would take moths to heal from an injury this grievous…

His glance found the ceiling, anything but his almost assassin. Their dagger had pierced his heart, had almost KILLED him if it weren’t for his king and his heartrender. She was the reason for his pain, his suffering and yet he hasn’t had it in him to hate her.

He’d woken up from his artificial sleep two days ago - or rather the Corporalki had - in terrible agony. With a fever as searing as the sun saint’s light. He recalled his mother standing over him, crying, clasping his hand. Nikolai had written to her and she’d come.

Isaak had felt nothing but guilt and regret for a while. And then, when the first dust had settled, he’d found pity, pity and longing. Did he still have feelings for Mayu? After everything that had happened? He couldn’t tell.

Saints, he couldn’t. All he could think of was how she’d slipped a blade between his ribs, how she’d tried to kill herself after. He CRINGED at the vivid memory of pain flooding him. He didn’t know how Tolya had saved his life. He had no explanation for the miracle that was his breath, his heartbeat.

Isaak’s focus shifted at her words, his eyes finally meeting his, soft brown irises cool and void of any emotions.

❝ Clearly longer than it should.❞

A court response in flawless Shu. If Isaak prided himself with one thing, it was his talent for languages.

He sighed, too, the grip on his chest tightening as he continued on. Isaak didn’t want to be here. But he was Nikolai’s guard. The Tsar had requested his presence and he’d come without hesitation.

❝ There’s an old Ravkan saying… Time is too slow for those who wait but for those who love, time is eternity.❞

They weren’t alone in the sitting room. There were two other guards and Tolya, which could’ve been seen as absurd, considering Mayu was in no shape to attempt any successful murder on anyone. In fact, she couldn’t stand on her own without feeling dizzy and she suspected the heartrender had something to do with it. As much as it displeased them to be bound to this chair, they had decided to take it as a compliment that King Nikolai would put that much effort into weakening her. What annoyed them the most though was the fact she had barely seen Ehri in days. Or, if they did, they were constantly shadowed by guards. While Mayu could imagine how Ehri felt about the wedding (horribly), the latter still hadn’t spoken a word on the matter and it worried them deeply. More like wounded them. This new life away from the palace would’ve been their gift to the princess. A token of her affection. The first and the last. As Mayu Kir-Kaat would’ve drawn their last breath, the royal would’ve died with them and been reborn as a music teacher in the countryside and Reyem would’ve been free as well. If only she hadn’t missed—— No, she hadn’t. Mayu Kir-Kaat never missed their target. Her survival was a miracle. Some twisted version of a miracle. One where she got to live while her kebben suffered and Ehri found herself married to the Tsar of freaking Ravka. No, this wasn’t a miracle. This was a DISASTER. And Mayu was the only one to blame for it. And yet, somehow, she found herself resenting Isaak. Isaak and his adorable clumsiness and passion for languages and poetry. And there he was again, with his flawless Shu and old sayings——  Her gaze had met his for the first time in what seemed like an ETERNITY. The words still echoing in their mind. They wanted to punch him. Punch themselves. Shake the memory of their tragic first kiss. But before they could reply, Tolya handed her a book.  ❛ To kill the time. ❜ he said when she arched a brow in confusion. ❛ Oh. Right. Thanks. ❜ Mayu took the book, happy to actually have something else to look at than Isaak, without seeming too rude. The pattern of the tapestry was getting boring anyway. They didn’t manage to find the focus to read though. Especially a language that wasn’t hers. After a couple minutes, they let out another sigh, closing the book on their lap. ❛ Not to complain or anything but— do we really need to be here? I know you won’t let me have a moment with her any way. There’s no point for me to stay. ❜  

[defendrelor]

An unnatural PALOR clung to Isaak's skin, a tinge of gray he couldn't seem to shake off, not even after having been tailored back to his old self. He was sprawled out on one of the lush divans, his palm idly resting on his heart, over his uniform, the bandages peeking through despite his high collar. He knew that this was anything but adequate and yet -

His chest hurt. Still. It had been days. Tolya told him it would take moths to heal from an injury this grievous...

His glance found the ceiling, anything but his almost assassin. Their dagger had pierced his heart, had almost KILLED him if it weren't for his king and his heartrender. She was the reason for his pain, his suffering and yet he hasn't had it in him to hate her.

He'd woken up from his artificial sleep two days ago - or rather the Corporalki had - in terrible agony. With a fever as searing as the sun saint's light. He recalled his mother standing over him, crying, clasping his hand. Nikolai had written to her and she'd come.

Isaak had felt nothing but guilt and regret for a while. And then, when the first dust had settled, he'd found pity, pity and longing. Did he still have feelings for Mayu? After everything that had happened? He couldn't tell.

Saints, he couldn't. All he could think of was how she'd slipped a blade between his ribs, how she'd tried to kill herself after. He CRINGED at the vivid memory of pain flooding him. He didn't know how Tolya had saved his life. He had no explanation for the miracle that was his breath, his heartbeat.

Isaak's focus shifted at her words, his eyes finally meeting theirs, his soft brown irises cool and void of any emotions.

❝ Clearly longer than it should.❞

A court response in flawless Shu. If Isaak prided himself in one thing, it was his talent for languages.

He sighed, too, the grip on his chest tightening as he continued on. Isaak didn't want to be here. But he was Nikolai's guard. The Tsar had requested his presence and he'd come without hesitation.

❝ There's an old Ravkan saying... Time is too slow for those who wait but for those who love, time is eternity.❞

@defendrelor

They had failed. Mayu Kir-Kaat never failed and yet there she was, in a wheelchair, recovering from their own failure. As a Tavgharad, as kebben and a friend of Ehri. She was in the king’s sitting room, waiting, while their princess was with King Nikolai in his office, discussing the formalities for their wedding. The word itselft stung more than expected. It was her fault that Ehri was getting married off to the king of Ravka. If they hadn’t failed, distracted by their feelings for the presumed king and target, Ehri would be free. She would be on her way to the countryside as a normal girl living her commoner dream of teaching music to kids. Sure, Ehri would’ve still not been hers but they were never meant to be anyway. And, in death, Mayu would’ve been free of the pain and she would’ve rest knowing Reyem, their twin brother, was free from the khergud program. Now, there was no telling what was gonna happen to him. Isaak was on the other side of the room and Mayu hadn’t taken a look in his direction. It was the first time they were coming face to face since the assassination attempt. She couldn’t bare looking at him in the eyes and face the truth of what she had done to an innocent, to someone they could’ve loved. She shook her head to shake that thought. The silence was becoming too heavy and so she had decided to break it with a sigh. ❛ Saints! How long does it take to settle on a centerpiece? ❜ They said, the irritation clear in their voice.