#☆.angel.analysis

[acmeangel]

I think about this dialogue from S1 all the time; to me, it succinctly sums up the differences between Erwin and Levi’s perspectives and motivations.

When it comes to Erwin, it’s much like what Armin said in S1: the people who are capable of making change have to be able to throw everything away and abandon their personal humanity in order to save the greater humanity. Erwin embodies this perfectly—he never hesitated to sacrifice the lives of others on behalf of a greater cause, and even knew how to inspire them into willingly self-sacrificing.

What was that greater cause? For Erwin, it was his dream of finding out the truth and avenging his father—it just so happened that this aligned with what was best for Paradis. If it weren’t for his own personal ambitions, I don’t believe Erwin would have had the same level of commitment or drive.

Erwin knew that all of the deaths of his soldiers and the civilians caught in the crossfire were potentially pointless (and we eventually see that catch up to him right before his death); but at the same time, he knew each death and sacrifice was a necessary step in uncovering the truth.

That’s not to say he saw no value in human life or that he was an evil person—it’s just that he saw more value in the bigger picture and the greater cause, and he didn’t have time to consider his personal humanity in that pursuit. Erwin knew that he needed people like Levi and Hange to stay alive in order to achieve this bigger picture goal since they filled in the gaps of skills he lacked himself.

This also isn’t to say Erwin is purely selfish, nor is he the only one with personal motivations—Eren was motivated by his mother’s death, Mikasa was motivated by protecting Eren, Hange was motivated by learning about Titans. The list goes on.

Levi is uniquely one of the few characters without selfish motivations and dreams (which is ironic since people view him as cold and heartless). Levi had no ulterior motives pushing him to the other side of the war, and nothing personal to gain.

He chose to follow Erwin because of that look Erwin had in his eye—the same look Armin had in his eye—hope for the future, like he could see something no one else could. Levi, simply, didn’t want to make choices he would regret, even though he openly admitted that he never truly knew or understood what the outcome of those choices would be. He believed that following Erwin’s command—and eventually choosing Armin—was the best way to do this.

Levi doesn’t view the lives of his comrades or squad members as disposable. He has a fiercely protective and loyal nature. We see this time and time again—when he adamantly tells a dying soldier that his death wasn’t in vain and that he’d made a difference, how he doesn’t ever truly forgive Annie and Reiner for the lives they took from the Scouts, and his incessant need to avenge Erwin’s death, to name a few.

To me, Erwin and Levi are somewhat of a yin and yang in this way—Erwin was willing to do everything it took to achieve his dream, no matter the sacrifice, and Levi was willing to do everything it took to make sure those sacrifices weren’t made for nothing.

Erwin had to be willing to send people to their pointless deaths; Levi had to make sure those deaths weren’t pointless in the end.

This is a little bit of a half-baked ramble, but I always found this exchange so interesting and telling.

[acmeangel]

I’ll say it with my full chest: Bertholdt is equally as complex—if not more—as any other character in AoT and people only see him as ‘boring’ or ‘just there’ because he is quiet.

In a show full of natural born leaders, those who act without hesitation, who speak their minds loudly and impassioned, it’s easy for a quiet character to be seen as unimportant. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Bertholdt’s quiet demeanor is not to be mistaken with simplicity—to me, he is a textbook overthinker, riddled with conflicting thoughts, growing fears, and guilt that remains firmly planted in his mind, taking root there and growing out of control.

As someone who is quiet and meek by nature, it’s not surprising that Bertholdt grows into this nervous, indecisive person—he’s been a warrior since he was a child, an immense weight placed on his shoulders, the burden of being someone able to cause mass destruction with ease.

He’s been used as a weapon, constantly told what to do by others; he can master any skill better than most others, but lacks the power to do anything with those skills until he’s told.

He knows that if he is obedient, if he does what he is told is right, that he will be able to save his sick father, become an honorary Marleyan, and have some semblance of peace and safety. To him, at this point, he can be someone who defeats evil if he stays on the right path.

But, this becomes less simple as Bertholdt becomes wracked with guilt as he grows more and more aware of the truths of the world and the war he’s been forced to fight in; one that is not against evil, but driven by fear and hate.

We see it from one of his first ever interactions—when he uses the hanged man’s story as his own cover story when he speaks to Eren and Armin for the first time. Sure, he was trying to blend in, but he could’ve just as easily made something up.

That story had actually been weighing heavily on him, when he reveals that he’d been having recurring nightmares about it and asks Reiner in private why that man would bother telling that story just to later hang himself.

The thought is brushed aside rather quickly, but this gives us a look into Bertholdt’s mind and personality; someone battling inner turmoil, someone who contemplates what it means to have agency over life and death, someone who grapples with guilt.

He likely believed that the man wanted to be judged for his actions, to feel the weight of his guilt, before taking his own life; just as Bertholdt already felt the guilt of his actions in destroying Shiganshina and subconsciously was likely seeking out judgment and consequence. His sleeping position even matches The Hanged Man tarot card.

Later, we see Bertholdt’s guilt, emotions, and inactions reach a boiling point that compromises the warriors’ mission. He lets Armin use his feelings toward Annie as leverage to distract him, and he has a breakdown as he confesses to his friends in the Scouts that he hates what he’s done, that he genuinely does consider them friends, and that he wants to pay for what he’s done.

He knows that it was because of him that Eren ended up getting away, that he’d be the reason that Reiner and Annie would continue being in danger in Paradis, their mission now prolonged—his guilt only continues to build.

Moments before the return to Shiganshina, Zeke and Reiner had both told him that he needs to begin acting on his own, Reiner even going so far as to call him unreliable.

As someone who relies on the people he cares about and seeks direction from them, hearing that his own friends and comrades actually doubt his abilities and reliability would shake him to his core.

This interaction surely made him steel himself, made him push down his emotions, made him act. It made him put on a mask of apathy toward the Scouts, his friends, and nihilism toward the world around him, and play a role.

(Not to mention, Bertholdt has now seen Reiner—this person who was seen as weak, who was never even meant to be a warrior in the first place—grow into an actionable leader, and I can only imagine that would make his own self-doubts grow.)

I think when he transformed into the Colossal, part of him also genuinely did want it all to end, there, no matter the consequences. Reiner was too injured at that point to be the leader; it was his one, final chance to prove himself, to show that he is capable of doing something.

And I believe, too, that he was a terrified kid who just wanted the fighting to end—knowing that if it didn’t happen there, it would happen eventually, after more and more death and destruction.

He knows these people, his so-called enemies aren’t devils, aren’t evil, and don’t deserve death simply for being born on the opposite side of a war, but they have to die to prevent further bloodshed and catastrophe.

He knows the world is a cruel place, and there’s no changing it. He’s one of the first people to acknowledge that both sides are just doing what they think is the right thing, and if that’s the case, then the “right thing” ceases to exist. There are no devils; there are simply two sides and the hatred that fuels them.

There was no other way out this time—he couldn’t crumble under the weight of his guilt and risk compromising their mission again, for the sake of Reiner, for the sake of Annie, for the sake of his father, for the sake of everyone. He’d already done that before, and he couldn’t do it again—his true nature, to him, was nothing but a weakness.

He’d been fighting for his whole life, had seen and done unimaginable things that tormented him, had learned truths about the world that shattered what he’d been taught since childhood, and he knew that one way or another, things were going to play out in a horrific, gruesome way.

And at that moment, he accepted it because he had no other choice.

You could see his behavior in his last moments as true apathy—but I don’t. I see it as a terrified, exhausted, guilt-riddled kid living in a painfully cruel world, wanting to make it all stop and knowing that a peaceful outcome was never going to happen, that the cycles of hatred never cease.

I see it as him putting on a metaphorical armor to push past his own fears, guilts, and powerlessness.

And in his death, you see him return to his true self, his true nature—a timid, scared, lost and lonely boy, reaching out for the help of his friends…

[acmeangel]

I have to get this off my chest because, to me, it has always been obvious that the “Ackerman bond” is not a real thing. Eren is doing olympian-level mental gymnastics to explain away Mikasa’s decade-long behavior toward him as some Ackerman-power-related curse/bond, because he was 1. a dumb teenager who couldn’t come to terms with his feelings or Mikasa’s feelings, and 2. knew that The Rumbling was going to happen and needed Mikasa to not love him for her own sake. And Zeke was basically like “lol uh that’s not a thing buddy” because he saw right through that. Is it not possible that Kenny, Levi, and Mikasa are all simply loyal to people they care about? As if Armin, Hange, Ymir — and pretty much every other main character — didn’t also exhibit fierce loyalty and dedication?

I dunno, I just much prefer the version of the story that involves complex, real feelings from Eren and Mikasa, and portrays the strength of loyalty, rather than some soul-bond-curse-thing that strips three very unique characters of their personal agency and dilutes them down to nothing.

[acmeangel]

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