#░▒▓ ╮everything ends - && that's always sad - but everything begins again. && that's happy ! - be happy / drabbles

[backinmyphase]

Are we still friends? - G. S.

Synopsis: There were many times your friendship with Satoru was hanging on a tight string. You had always worked through it. But this time was different. Even if you loved Satoru... - It would be hard to forgive.

wc. 11.2k (I'm sorry :'))

Content warnings: Satoru is a bit of an ass, leaving someone alone in an unsafe environment, SFW, mention of alcohol, Angst, Angst MUCH Angst, comfort to the end, year long pining, Satoru is an idiot and I mean an IDIOT

A/n: Happy birthday Satoru Gojo, my dumb idiot <333 (I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammar errors. I also want to thank everyone who said they wanted a whole part of this drabble, I'm happy for every comment)

Fall 2005

"Why are you avoiding me?"

You finally got him alone, without all his new friends surrounding him and making you feel small. Right here behind the sport gym of this old place you had to call your school. Finally you had a moment alone, to talk to him, after days of silence between you. Finally you could get this weird tension out of the way that had infested itself since the beginning of the school year.

After all it was just Satoru, right?

Just Satoru, who rolled his eyes, while turning his head away. "I'm not."

"Stop lying, you are." You followed his gaze, trying to read his expression. But there was no need for that, since he snapped his head back to you after you spoke, looking at you with that terrible expression which hid nothing.

"Oh my god, just because I am not running after you every day, does it mean I'm avoiding you!" He groaned, a hand in his hair making it messy.

"Jeez, you are so clingy."

You stared at him. Blinked to see if you just imagined that. Blinked again. Nothing changed. "Excuse me?"

He didn't say anything now, which only made your anger grow. "I'm trying to make sense out of your childish actions, Satoru! You are the one who just stopped talking to me, leaving me alone in English, even though we have a project together. And now don't tell me that's not avoidance!"

You were breathing heavily, while glaring at him but he only scoffed with a smile on his face, a smile you didn't know.

"Oh please, if you need help and attention that bad run after your little boyfriend!"

"What?" your voice rose a whole octave. "What are you talking about?"

"You know, Rayo or Ruya, whatever." he waved with his hand, pronouncing every letter of the name with almost disgust.

"Ryu? He is my partner for a physics project, for God's sake!" While shaking your head out of shock, you couldn't help but huff. Of all people, Satoru should know.

"Please." He chuckled with such a cold tone. You have never heard such a tone fron him. "Everyone knows you two are hooking up."

"What?" everything seemed to stop. Slowly you searched his gaze, but Satoru looked away.

"Who says that?"

You have never seen him acting that way. So detached. Why didn't he even look at you? Where was the Satoru who watched sad romance movies with you? Where was the honest Satoru?

Where was your best friend? Where was the Satoru you... Knew?

"Satoru, who is talking about me?"

He kept his head low, but you could still see a small glint of guilt in his eyes.

"Is it your friends?"

Something inside you was panicking at his lack of answer. At the lack of denial. What was also said about you? What did he gossip with them about?

"About what are they talking?"

You could see him gulp. But he still didn't say anything. Why wasn't he saying anything? If he let them talk about you, he at least had to tell you what it was about. Especially since he knew.

You had talked with him about your fear of high school and the way people gossiped and the rumors which ruined the reputation one had to uphold.

You had talked with him about trying to keep your head low.

"Satoru, what are they saying about me?" You couldn't help it, your voice rose.

And then he just started moving. Just walking slowly away. Didn't even look at you before. He could talk with these people about you but couldn't look into your face?

"Satoru if you just walk away now, I swear I will never talk to you again."

He stopped in his tracks.

"Satoru -"

"God, can you shut up?"

It was an ugly scream. But not as ugly as the expression he gave you as he finally looked at you. That was a look of disgust. And with an awfully calm voice he added;

"You are so noisy."

You blinked at him. One time. Two times.

That was not your best friend. That was a boy who was hiding whatever distain he had towards you for years. Years you thought he was the only person who understood you.

People change. People fall out.

"Forget it, Gojo."

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Fall 2009

"You are avoiding Satoru."

It's like being pushed into cold water in warm clothes.

The stirring of the kettle is the only sound in the kitchen, helping to keep the awkwardness away. Shoko sat at the kitchen table with a glass of juice, her look remaining on your back, as you made yourself tea.

"I'm not."

Only after the kettle rang you allowed yourself to move again. Carefully, you took the kettle, pouring yourself the hot water into your cup with the teabag.

"You are." She took a sip.

You watched as the water changed its color to light brown.

"He is worried, you know?" you heard the shaking of her head. "Can't stop pestering me."

You couldn't help but scoff as you turned around to her, hot teacup in your hands. You placed it down gently and took a seat opposite of her. "Of course he is."

She was staring at you with that stare you knew. The stare which was contemplating what to do and what to say. You stirred your tea with a small spoon and placed the used teabag on a small tissue. The tea was still way too hot. But you still took a sip.

It burned.

"What did he do?"

You looked at her face. Her eyes were gentle and for the first time since a while she wasn't just Satoru's good friend, she was your roommate. Your friend.

You couldn't help but smile. Even if it didn't reach your eyes.

"What did he tell you?"

And that's when you saw it. Her eyes twitching, glancing at her phone on the side of the table. Just that small glance was enough. You knew. Knew, he had made her start talking to you. Knew, he wanted her to push you to answer. Knew, of course, he sent his friends to ask you, instead of just leaving you alone.

"Just that you are mad at him for no reason again. His words not mine."

Satoru Gojo was such an asshole.

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"Sooooo... she didn't tell you anything?"

Satoru would be lying if he said he didn't wait the whole day to meet up with his friends. He had waited in the cafe for roughly an hour now, even though it wasn't the discussed time. But he just couldn't keep waiting. Waiting to get any possible news, any updates of what you could have said. Especially from Shoko.

But she just rolled her eyes at him.

"No Satoru, you should probably know what you did. If she is that mad at you, it's probably something big."

He shook his head, trying to think of anything he did that could've pissed you of. He glanced down at his hot chocolate - his third since he got here - and wondered why you just wouldn't tell him what he did.

After all, communication is key in a friendship, right?

Suguru shook his head at him. "Since when is she avoiding you?"

"Since 9 days." There was no need for math, Satoru had counted down the days since you wouldn't even glance at him, when he tried to talk to you. How you just walked past him in your own apartment, when he met up with Shoko and Geto. How you locked yourself in your room.

"I don't get why she is acting so childish now." he mumbled to himself.

No nod, no wave, no glance. It was crazy. It was dumb. It was just like five years ago when he was the one who shut you out of his life.

The loud sound of Suguru sipping his tea snapped him out of his thoughts. Suguru placed his teacup down on the table and tilted his head.

"Didn't you go out together nine days ago? That Friday?" 

There was a beat of silence in the room. Only the sound of the coffee machine in the background and the new customers ordering. Satoru blinked at his friends. One time. Two times.

"We did?"

Geto and Shoko shared a look. "Oh Satoru..."

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You couldn't help but groan when you woke up. Your body seemed so heavy as you stood up, like every morning. Well every one since that one.

You glanced around your room, feeling horrible as you saw the dirty dishes you used yesterday. But you just didn't want to eat anywhere else anymore. You didn't continue talking with Shoko yesterday, for all means you started to avoid her too.

You knew, to all your friends you seemed unreasonable. You didn't go out, didn't leave your room and of course ignored Satoru. You worked on your psychology major online, the professors also accepting your work. Overall you tried to avoid any contact with your friends.

Because you just had realized; all of them were also Satoru's friends.

And who of them would put you before him? Before the golden boy Satoru Gojo? The boy who you had held so dearly to your heart.

Too dearly.

Your phone went off, making you sit up. It was already 8 am. You had to go to work or else your boss would be mad.

With one push you got out of bed, making yourself ready. Your phone lit up again. The last days you had started to ignore it. But still you took it everywhere you went.

You tiptoed your way into the kitchen, hoping to avoid running into Shoko. And you sighed relieved, - lucky you - she seemed to still be asleep. No used glasses or dishes. Just you and your kettle.

A coffee machine was too expensive so tea had to hold up.

While the kettle was working, you made yourself a slice of bread, with butter and cheese. Tea and bread, the breakfast of the winners. You took your first sip out of your teacup, sighing at the hot feeling, which warmed you. It was starting to get really cold, you needed the warmth.

It was mornings like these, which made you like fall.

The walk to your workplace was beautiful, the trees all in different colors, painting a picture worth of drawing. But unfortunately you were no artist. You were just a college student working as a part time barista. So you had to hurry up, to please your manager.

The woman wasn't happy with you, since you took the last couple days off. You knew it was hard in this environment, since it sorely relied on the broke students nearby, which were as employees really unreliable. Or at least that was what she was always complaining about.

But you needed the break, or you would have come to work with tear streaks on your cheeks.

You opened the door to the small coffee shop, met by the annoyed look of your manager. She stood at the counter with her arms crossed, her face only lighting up by a small bit as she saw you.

"There you are! Hurry up, we open in 10 minutes. So change into uniform!" she went into the backrooms, her voice echoing in the room. "Hurry, I said!"

You couldn't help but sigh, as you retreated into the small changing room.

There was something so heavy, when you started dressing in the apron. An uncomfortable feeling, a feeling telling you you are sick and should head home. But you had to pay to have a home.

You made your way back to the counter, leaning on it, while hoping there wouldn't be as many customers as usual.

You turned around to look at the menu and you were surprised, there were a couple of new additions on it. Macchiato and Flat white, which you have never made before. You hoped it could just be made by the expensive coffee machine next to the menu.

There were also new teas added to the menu. Lemon and Mint were new kinds, but personally you wouldn't drink them.

A ring behind you startled you. Great. You glanced at the clock next to the big menu. 9:05. Insane people.

You kept your look on the coffee machine, searching for the buttons you will have to use, trying to calm yourself that it was only one person. Even if their steps to the counter were very determined, surely they were just a normal person, wanting a normal coffee? Not a big order, you had to triple take to get right, surely?

You turned around. "Good morning, how can I -"

You stopped as you saw the white hair.

There he stood, leaning forward on the counter, white hair standing a bit up and those ocean eyes staring up at you.

" - help you."

That's why you needed a break. Because he knew where you worked. And you knew he would show up, distracting you, making you furious with just his smug face.

"You haven't answered my texts."

While squinting your eyes, you said again with a firmer voice; "How can I help you?"

He frowned, taking his arms off the counter while standing up straight again. But as he studied your expression, he seemed to get what you wanted to get across. He sighed.

"A hot chocolate please."

You nodded, while pretending to type things into the Cash register to keep your eyes down. Avoiding his piercing look.

"Here or take out?"

"Here. I will sit over there." he pointed at the small table, which was probably the nearest to the counter, making your inner self groan, which was hoping he would just get his drink and leave. But no, this was Satoru and of course he had to pester you even here.

"Alright, take a seat, your drink will be there in a second."

You waited for him to go to his table, but he didn't. No, he just stood there before you, like he was waiting for something.

You went over to the machine and started working it, but he still just stared at you. Making no effort to sit down. Even the sound of the machine pouring milk into the cup didn't fill the awkward silence.

"Is there something else you need?"

You could hear him clearing his throat. "You weren't here the last days."

And you were? Well good, you took the last days off. You took the finished cup of hot sweet delicious browness and placed it on the counter in front of him, while still not looking at him. "No, I wasn't. Is that all?"

He continued to stare at you. You were watching his hands, which were slowly engulfing the hot cup, while he still looked at you. You waited for him to finally go to his seat. He didn't. "Why won't you tell me what I did?"

"Is that all?" you raised your voice, leaning a bit back and turning your head a bit so you could glance at the back rooms. "If so, please let me work in peace."

"It was that Friday night, right?" he was whispering. "What did I do? What did we do?"

You froze. There was something so surreal of him asking what he did wrong. Like that was a reasonable question. Like you were mad for a small forgettable reason, something one could just forget about.

Like someone one could just forget about.

"Is there an issue here?" the head of your manager popped out of the backrooms, staring at the two of you. Well, at least someone listened to what you were saying.

"Not at all." you looked up and smiled at Satoru. "The young man here was just about to sit down at his table."

"Right?"

His face hardened at your words. But with a lot of self control, he also formed a smile, while starting to move. "Yeah, was just having a lovely chat with the barista about the new menu."

Your boss nodded and went back into the back rooms while Satoru finally sat down at the table. Your rapid heart beat, which you hadn't even noticed slowed down by the larger distance between you and him than just the small counter.

But there was still the tension between you, since no one else was in the shop, just you, him and your annoyed boss.

And his gaze was locked onto you while he drank his hot chocolate. Why was it so hard to avoid his piercing eyes? They were like magnets you really wouldn't want to be hung up on because just one look and a panic inside you rose, making you want to lock yourself up in the bathroom. And even though he had his laptop set up before him, he didn't spare it a glance.

Why did Gojo Satoru have such a presence?

You glanced at the clock. 9:36.

Would he stay here for the next 6 hours of your work? No, that would only one insane person do. Right? You dropped your gaze on the cashier register. Why couldn't you just be left alone?

God you needed a break.

A ring of the door made you look up again and you saw a soaked Utahime coming through the door, cursing at her broken Umbrella. Huh, you didn't even notice it had started to rain outside. Even though now, the sound of the water falling against the windows seemed so loud.

"Of course it starts, when I try to get to work..." Utahime muttered while placing her umbrella near the entrance. But her face lit up when she saw you.

"Oh, thank god you are back, it was hell without you! I had to deal with -" But as she looked at you her gaze dropped to Satoru, who was now really interested in his laptop.

"Oh. You are also here Gojo." Her face changed into a frown, while she walked close to the counter. She looked at you with a grimace. "What a surprise."

Satoru just huffed, but kept his gaze on his laptop. "Always a pleasant one, Utahime."

"Utahime?" The voice of your boss was coming from the back rooms, now louder than before, in the tone which meant trouble. "Get here immediately!"

Utahime looked at you and rolled her eyes, making a couple of gestures to illude to throwing up. But her voice was still kept professional. "Coming!"

"Someone is in trouble..." Satoru was grinning to himself while he typed something into his program. Utahime just scoffed while she went to the back rooms door.

"Well, I am not the only one, am I Gojo?"

Oh god, he didn't like that, you could see it in his falling grin. And while Utahime disappeared into the back rooms, you hoped he wouldn't open his mouth. But of course your hopes were for nothing.

He stood up and went to the counter with his now empty cup. Placing it with a bit of force on the counter. "Okay, I get it you know. I fucked up."

"But you could at least give me a chance to talk it out."

Just one look at his oh so deep eyes, made you avert your eyes to his cup. His words making you feel alone, exposed and so so uncomfortable. "Do you want to order more?"

He groaned and his hands found their way into his hair. "Please, drop it and just talk to me! You are making such a big deal -"

"Are you even listening to yourself?" your voice was much quieter now, barely a whisper. "You are already belittling me even though you don't know what my problem is. You already assume it's something small and stupid."

You looked up at his dumbfounded face. He blinked at you. You couldn't help but shake your head in disbelief. "This whole time you are talking about making things right and that you need to talk to me, but not once have you thought about giving me space this last week!"

You pointed at the small room around the two of you. "I mean you are even now here, at my workplace!"

His voice was filled with uncertainty now. "Yeah, because you wouldn't talk to me or Shoko -"

"Which should be sign enough to leave me alone, Satoru. How would you say it?" A small scoff left your lips. "I think 'Stop, being so clingy?'"

A silence filled the room. The quiet talking of Utahime and your manager could be heard, but the words to unclear to understand. Satoru held his head low now, almost averting your gaze.

"But-" your voice was shaking and you wanted to hit yourself for it. "If you want so desperately to know what I am mad about, I guess I can freshen up your memory."

Still silent. You guessed you should keep going. "Last Friday, we went to that club, you wanted to show me, you remember?"

"The one where you ditched me for all these other people?"

You looked down at the cashier register and hoped hoped you could hide the vulnerability in your voice. The room was completely silent. The only sound the falling raindrops against the window.

Until he laughed.

The sound of the little chuckles made something inside of you turn, you felt like throwing up. You looked up at him to see a relieved face. A. relieved. One.

"What are you laughing about." it was hard to speak while your teeth were pressed together with more force you had ever used.

Satoru stopped but the little smile remained. Your hand was itching at that smile.

"Sorry, sorry." he cleared his throat. "But I mean we can spend more time together, if you want that? I mean you still mean much more to me than thes-"

"Satoru." you raised your hand signaling him to stop speaking. "Why do you think I was avoiding you?"

"I - I don't really get...?" he was stopping mid his sentence, now looking confused. "You know it's okay if you were jealous, I never meant to make you -"

"JEALOUS?" You gripped the counter so hard, your fingers were turning white. "You think my problem is jealousy?"

He shut his mouth, blinking so clueless like again. It was exhausting.

"No, Satoru, my problem is not that I was jealous you spend time with other people." you gritted out, while typing in his hot chocolate, to distract your hand before you were hitting him. "My problem is that you abandoned me. Alone in a club, I didn't know."

"You left me drunk and clueless alone at a club with no one I knew. Miles away from my apartment. Left me to ask strangers where my ride was, while they pitied me, because the great Gojo Satoru had already left."

You dared to look up into his eyes, hoping he could finally see your mental state. Finally getting why you were so petty. Making such a big deal.

"That's why I am mad."

His look turned wide and blank. You couldn't keep looking at it and broke the eye contact. He didn't move, just stood there before you. But you could see his hands gripping the cup, he was holding.

Just as you saw him open his mouth again, Utahime came back, now with her uniform on. She had a blank smile on her face and a sharp glare on Satoru. "Do you want to order? I can take yours."

He gaped a bit at that but his face quickly turned stoic. "No, thank you. I was just about to pay and leave."

You nodded took the cup he was just holding on. It was warm. "That will be $4.30."

With a bit of force he pressed a $5 dollar bill on the counter and turned to his seat. While grabbing his things, you could see his eyes focusing on the floor. And you knew there was no reason, but you felt bad. Something about this felt like it was your fault. Like you were overreacting. Even though it was just how you felt.

The door shut softly behind him. He disappeared just as fast as he had appeared.

"Thank you." You whispered to Utahime, and she smiled at you gently.

Truth be told, you wouldn't call her a close friend. You just knew her through Shoko, since she was your roommate and Utahime was a couple of times over. Thus you knew her still over Satoru.

But she did help you get this job and was always a pleasant coworker.

"No problem. You want to share it over a cup of coffee?" she winked at you while leaning on the counter.

"Are you working over there?" the voice of your boss echoed through the room. "Get to work!"

Utahime rolled her eyes. She spoke now in a careful whisper. "I guess after work?"

Well, it wouldn't hurt to have a person who wasn't so close with Satoru, would it?

"I would like that."

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Spring 1995

"Come on sweetie, say hello to Satoru."

You held onto the leg of your mother as you stared at this strange boy. There was something ominous about his eyes and his white hair. You had never seen someone like him before. And he had that intimidating look...

"Hi."

Your mother placed a hand on top of your head, laughing a bit as you tightened your grip on her. "Good job. Now go play with him, while we make the cake ready, okay?"

You looked up to her and nodded. She smiled back and gave you a small nod, signaling you to let her leg go. With a heavy heart you let her go into the kitchen with the other woman, who she called Mrs. Gojo.

You looked back at the boy, who was still staring at you with those intimidating eyes. Why did your mother bring you with her again? She said something along the lines, it would be important to fit into the new neighborhood and greet them properly. But right now?

You just stood there awkwardly, trying to understand this strange boy.

He would probably never speak to you, you just hoped the time would pass as quickly as possible. You wanted to eat the cake Mrs. Gojo made as a welcoming gift...

He opened his mouth and closed it again. His eyes now focused onto the ground before he started to speak;

"Do you like Digimon??"

He looked at you with big eyes, which suddenly didn't seem intimidating at all. He fidgeted with his hands, while tilting his head.

"I guess... But I don't know much about it."

His eyes lit up and he smiled so excitedly. "That's not a problem! I can show you!"

And just like that he took your hands, pulling you with him into his room. The room was big, much bigger than your own. There were a couple of posters, of what you guessed were some mons, you didn't know.

He let go off your hand to pull out a big box. And when he opened it, there were a couple of cards inside, which you had never seen before.

"What are these?"

"I will tell you, just sit down." he let himself fall down next to the box, now going through the cards. He took a couple of them out and looked at them each individually.

You carefully sat down, while watching him. His big blue eyes had an excited glint in them and his white hair was shining under the light.

Satoru Gojo was a strange neighbor...

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Fall 2009

"And he just left you alone at this club?" Utahime frowned, while placing her cup of coffee down. "And he forgot about it?"

You shrugged, glancing outside the window. It had stopped to rain in the afternoon. You were free now, since your and Utahime's shift had ended and you were glad Satoru didn't come back.

"I guess he did."

She shook her head and scoffed. "And now he comes to your doorstep-"

"Well actually, it is not mine but the coffee shops-"

"-asking why you are ignoring him? The nerve!"

A loud sip later she continued; "Gojo has to be humbled, my god!"

You couldn't help but smile at her antics. It was kinda sweet how she got so worked up over your business. You were glad she wasn't just on his side. You watched her sip again and sighed. "If it wasn't for that guy who drove me home, who would guess what could've happened?"

She huffed.

"If I'm being honest I would reflect upon the whole friendship. It just shows how self absorbed he is."

You sipped on your bitter coffee.

"Yeah, well he is still Satoru."

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Summer 2003

"Wait for me outside later, okay?"

You smiled as you read the note Satoru had left on your windowsill. There was just such a feeling of excitement every time you read one of his notes, it made your heart race and your face hot.

That was normal right?

"Mum!" you ran into the living room, hoping to catch her before she went to get groceries. "Did you get me the kimono for the festival??"

She way already ready to leave as she sighed at your question. "Yes, sweetie I did. And I also told you that yesterday."

"Can you help me lat-"

"Yes, I will help you get it on, now shoo." she laughed and pointed towards the kitchen. "Young madam, you can worry about the firework after you did the dishes!"

You gasped as you remembered the mountain of dirty dishes you had to clean before the evening and started rushing towards the kitchen. "Already on it Mum!"

You heard her laugh as the door shut behind her leaving you alone. You let the water run into the sink, while organizing the dishes. You took a sponge and started cleaning the plates, which never seemed to end.

Oh, how excited you were for later! It was your first real festival here and Satoru had promised to show you around. And there would be fireworks, now; in summer! Your first own kimono, and your first time visiting a festival you would spend with a friend.

You placed the finished plates next to the sink, taking a towel to dry them. After you finished them, you sat down before the TV and watched what was on.

You didn't even notice how fast the time passed, til you heard the door click from the keys from your mother. You looked at the clock to see it was already 18:30 and shrieked.

"Mum, mum, can you help me now!! Pleaseee?" You jumped out of your seat on the couch and sprinted towards her, looking at her with the eyes you put on when you begged for something.

"Yeah, you can go into my room while I organize the groceries, okay? The kimono is in the closet." she took of her jacket while smiling at you exhausted.

"Okay!" and just like that you turned around and ran into the small room of your mother.

Her closet was always something magical, if it were the high heel or the jewelry you tried to put on while she was away. Your heart was beating fast as you opened it slowly. As you saw it you gasped.

The kimono dress was so pretty. Almost to pretty. You gently took it between your fingers, gasping at the soft fabric. You liked it. You really did. But...

Was it maybe to pretty for you? To fancy?

"Alright, sweetheart." your mother clapped one time as she stepped in, a soft smile on her face. "Let's make you ready, okay?"

"Yeah.." you took a look in the mirror on the cupboard of your mother and tried to imagine, just imagine, what Satoru would say if you were completely overdressed. You tried to shake it off, trying to get as excited as before, but you just couldn't. The excitement gave a bit of space away for the growing doubt and fear.

Maybe you should play sick...

"Alright, firstly try to put the under dress on and i will help you with putting the kimono dress over and so on." she chuckled and took the kimono out of your hands, eyeing it. She placed it onto her bed gently and went up to the door again. "I will go outside while you change. Just call me when you need help."

"Okay."

You sighed as she closed door, eying the under dress you had picked out. But even though you didn't feel comfortable anymore and the ball of doubt in your stomach was eating you up, you still took of the other clothes and slipped into the under dress.

You didn't like how it fit you anymore. Your stomach hurt. Why did it suddenly hurt?

"Everything alright, sweetie?" the voice of your mother was filled with a slight tone of concern.

"Yeah, you can come in." you glanced at the pretty kimono dress on the bed and feared how it would look on you.

"Okaaay-" she stepped back in and smiled as she saw you. "Perfect! Then let me put the kimono dress on."

She helped you into the kimono dress, watched as the ends of the dress fell onto the ground. Focused, she took the ends and checked something before she tightened it.

"What are you doing, mum?"

"Hace to check if it is above your ankles. It shouldn't touch the ground while tightened." she stood up and patted your dress a bit down. "It's supposed to be a bit big up here."

Her concentrated face was a sight to see, while she adjusted how the dress was sitting. She took a step back and gently placed the obi on the rope which was tightening the kimono. After it was sitting she took a step back again and whistled. "Such a pretty lady!"

The dress was comfortable, even if you felt a bit out of place in it.

"Soooo-" your mother turned you to the mirror, making you sit down on the bed. "Now your hair."

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Fall 2009

You threw your bag onto the wardrobe as soon as you stepped into your apartment, groaning from exhaustion.

"Someone's grumpy." a playful laugh rang softly. Shoko poked her head out of the kitchen watching you take your jacket and shoes off.

"You could've warned me that he will visit my workplace, you know?" you grumbled while pushing softly past her to get into kitchen. She huffed with a small smile on her face.

"I would've, if you talked to me."

"God, I need a hot tea..." you shook your head while turning on the kettle. "It's raining cats and dogs outside. And of course it only started again, after I left the shop."

Shoko chuckled a bit, now making her way over to the fridge. "I wanted to make noodles today, do you want to eat with me?"

The kettle rang again, making a smile steal its way onto your face. "If you have enough for two?" You poured yourself a cup of tea, the water changing its color to light red.

Today you chose fruit tea.

"Yeah, don't worry." she opened the fridge and took her orange juice out of it. "Just missed eating and talking with you."

You took a sip out of your tea and sighed at the heavenly warmth flooding you shortly after.

"You're not going to talk about Satoru, are you?" you turned around to her, to see her sigh as she closed the fridge.

"Only if you want to." She took a glass and poured herself orange juice into it. "But I don't need to. I mean, if I'm being honest, it wasn't the nicest thing of me to pressure you to into talking about it."

She sipped a bit, smiling a reminiscing smile. "Was just worried about you and him, since he was constantly texting and venting to me about his worries."

"Oh."

You sat down at the table, cup of tea in your hand and just warmed yourself. Shoko sat down at the opposite side, tilting her head a bit. "Utahime texted me a couple minutes ago. Asked if you made it home safely."

You couldn't help but smile at that. "Greet her from me and you can reassure her that I made it."

Shoko nodded and started typing on her phone. A couple of seconds later she began to smile at her phone and looked up at you. "Hey, Utahime and I wanted to meet up here tomorrow to watch some movies. You wanna join?"

"Yeah, sure." you watched as she typed a new message and hit send.

"Great!" Shoko rested her head on her left hand, while she held her phone in the other. "Oh, and I can give you her number if you want to? She told me that you had a lovely conversation."

You laughed a bit before pulling your phone out. "I would love to have her number." And just after a couple of minutes you had Utahime's contact and a meet up tomorrow.

"Alright." Shoko put her phone away and stood up, making her way over to the stove. "Enough with that, the noodles don't make themselves!"

You watched as she cooked, a comfortable silence making it's way into the room. Something inside you had changed after you had spoken with Utahime. Something inside you was happy. Happy you weren't alone in your frustration and anger towards Satoru. That your feelings were valid.

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

Summer 2003

You waited a long time.

You stood alone before the entrance of the festival, waiting for Satoru just like he had asked you to. People were going by, most of them older than you. Some of them stopped to ask you if you were okay, only leaving if you reassured them you were alright.

You felt anxious like never before. Satoru was late.

"Hey, are you okay?" a boy probably in your age stopped by, just like the people before him.

"Yeah, I'm just waiting." you smiled at him, trying to convince him, but he frowned.

"For what?"

"My friend." you muttered, trying to keep your calm. You didn't want to think about what your long wait could mean.

"But I have seen you standing here an hour ago, are you sure your friend is still coming? If they aren't and you keep waiting, you will miss the fun." the boy pouted.

You watched the next people going by, a couple walking by while holding hands. You heard some whispers about the fireworks and you couldn't help it, tears were starting to build up.

You knew it was dumb. But today you had wanted to say it. You had wanted to say it to him during the fireworks. You had wanted that, but he seemed to have forgotten you were waiting for him...

"I've to go, my parents are calling for me." the boy looked behind him, before he turned to you again. "Try to enjoy your stay here, okay?"

Then he just ran away.

Just like that you were standing there alone again. You felt so stupid for getting dressed up, to care so much about this. Why did you care so much?

And even though you didn't feel like it, you followed the boys advice and walked into the festival.

The stands looked fun and they had cool prices. You saw an older guy win a plushy for his friend, shoetly after placing a small kiss on his cheek. You looked away shortly, feeling like a creep for watching them.

And even though it all looked fun, it didn't feel like it when you were walking here alone.

"Hey, do you want a candy apple?" A woman called out behind a stand, smiling at you.

"Oh, no thank you, I don't have that much money." you apologized but she shook her head, waving fo you to get closer. So you did slip through the people in your way to the stand.

"Don't worry, it's on the house." she winked as she gave you one candy apple.

With a bit of hesitation you took it from her. But you weren't hungry, so you just kept it in your hand while continuing to walk.

And after a long walk you finally reached the watch place of the fireworks. It was under a hill, there were already many people, sitting and talking with each other. And after you saw that you couldn't keep the tears in.

You cried hot tears, because you felt so stupid.

While sitting down on a bench on top of the hill, you gripped your candy apple. The ugly sobbing just didn't stop, didn't matter how much you tried to stiffle it. Oh god, why couldn't you stop-

"Hey." His voice startled you. But even though it was loud because of the people you knew it was Satoru who spoke from behind you.

"Please don't cry." he walked up next to you, sitting down next to you onto the bench. But you couldn't look at him. Not when you still had tears in your eyes.

"You are late." your voice was hoarse, god it was so embarrassing.

He was silent for a couple of seconds. Then he spoke;

"I know, I'm sorry. I wanted to get you flowers but-" he stopped and turned to another direction. "The flower shop was closed and I didn't know. So I - Well, I -"

You blinked at him, the last tears flowing down. And then he turned to you and you saw them. Daisies. He hold onto just a few of them. They weren't fresh, most of them already hanging their heads.

But that somehow made them even prettier.

"I wanted to bring you Daisies." he muttered and looked down at them.

You couldn't help but softly laugh, the sobbing dying out. Your cheeks were drying, and your candy apple didn't seem like your last holding point anymore.

"Thank you, Satoru." you whispered with still a hoarse voice. "But why Daisies?"

That's when a loud bang made you look up into the sky. The first firework was raining upon the sky, the red lights illuminated the sky, painting a beautiful picture.

"They make me think of you."

You turned to Satoru and for the first time tonight looked him in the eyes. His beautiful eyes. The fireworks somehow made them even more gorgeous.

"I'm sorry I came late, I really am." he glanced at the candy apple in your hands. "You probably enjoyed the evening more without me."

Another bang made you look up again. The new firework was a yellow one, looking like it was raining gold from the sky.

"Do you want it?" you held the sweet apple in front of him. "I don't really want it."

He blinked at you, his face going from guilt to embarrassment. "You can't do that!" He muttered. "You can't just give me your candy apple."

A purple firework lit up the sky again. You tilted your head as you looked at him. "Why is that? You like sweets."

He wanted to say something, but only seconds after, he did take your candy apple. He handed you the Daisies, which were changing color through the lights. Just like his hair.

He hesitated, but bit into the candy apple, while holding it with one hand. It looked a bit clumsy but also endearing.

You felt tired but something inside you was so happy. Yeah, he was late. So what? He still cared about you. And that was what counted in the end.

You could feel him glance at you as you looked into the sky watching the different colors exploding and painting the dark night. And then you felt it.

His hand engulfing yours.

"You look pretty in that kimono."

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

Fall 2009

"Satoru, stop drowning yourself in the shower, I have to shower too!"

Satoru groaned at the voice of his roommate and friend. The cold water was so relaxing, like it was washing a bit of his uneasiness away.

Of the girl he made out with that Friday.

"Chill, I'm almost finished." he called out while going through his wet hair again, while the water rained down.

God, the weekend was awful. You just hadn't left his head, he couldn't believe that he did what you accused him of doing. He didn't remember that Friday precisely. He had probably drank too much. There was only one thing he surely remembered.

There was this guy who had flirted with you while you were working in the coffee shop that Friday. God, the way he looked at you made him want to-

The rest of that day was vague. He remembered that girl that was clinging to him. She wasn't really his type but he was drunk so he had let her kiss him. But he didn't know what else he did. But to just forget you? That didn't sound like himself.

"Satoru!" Suguru called out again.

"I'm coming!" Satoru turned of the shower with a huff. He took his things and dressed himself in sweatpants and a hoodie.

"Someone has to make sure you don't do something stupid." Suguru muttered as Satoru stepped out of the bathroom.

"Well, it's not you, you do equally stupid things." he grinned at his best friend and stepped to the side, to make space for him. "The shower is yours."

"Yeah, yeah, Satoru."

Suguru disappeared into the bathroom, lifting a heavy weight of Satoru's shoulders. He didn't want to keep worry his friend. Yeah, he felt shitty but he didn't have to make it everyone's problem. Oh well, he tried not to.

His room was dirty. He hadn't left it the last three days, only to shower and to get food and water. He had watched every comforting movie, but even those weren't helping, since he just remembered they were always comforting because he had watched them with you. Whose reactions can he watch when he is sitting alone in his room?

Normally Satoru would call himself as a rather put well together person. But when it came to you, he acted irrational, dumb, stupid, overall he was just not thinking. With you the emotions were always stronger, didn't matter if good or bad. And he knew that wasn't healthy.

But he didn't know how to change it.

He didn't want to have bad things between the two of you. He wanted to make it right, to make you look at him again. But he also didn't want to push your boundaries anymore. Even though it was itching in his fingers to get up and go to your work to apologize.

But that wouldn't work, he knew that. So he had to apologize differently.

Ring!

His phone buzzed and for a slight second he hoped it was you. But it wasn't. It was that privat unknown number that kept calling him, even though he ignored it.

And he knew he shouldn't, but his energy was low, so he just answered. "Hello? Who is there?"

There was a bit of rustling on the other side and a gasp could be heard. "Satoru, I gave you my number, didn't I?" It was a female voice he couldn't quite decipher. "Didn't you safe it?"

"I'm sorry, -" he felt a bit uneasy at the tone of the voice. "But who are you?"

There was a second gasp. "You wound me Satoru! After we had such a lovely evening..." Her voice went a bit lower. "Oh, wait... Did you forget me?"

Her giggling after that made him confused. "Anyway, I'm Haoka, silly!"

"Well, I don't know you, so please stop calling me." He was already on the button to end the call as she called out; "Wait! You really don't remember? We were together that Friday, in the 'Crying Angel', that club."

Oh god, he wanted to face-palm himself. Why did he give anyone there his number?

"We shared some glasses of wine and some of the fun stuff the bartender brought..."

Slowly some memories came back. Pictures of him sitting in that uncomfortable couch, but feeling so at peace...

"And then you pulled me onto your lap and kissed me-"

He remembered vaguely how he felt something big and warm against his chest as he had zoned out. He knew he had made out with some girl beforehand, but that he gave her his number...

"Haoka, was it? I'm sorry but I was literally drunk out of my mind, would you stop harassing me?" He heard her be quiet for once. "Thank you."

"Wai-" he stopped the call and sighed.

Well, he had to apologize to you somehow.

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

A week later

"L/n!" you flinched as you heard your manager call out to you from the door of the coffee shop. You sighed to yourself while walking to your workplace. It was 8.30am foe God's sake. Couldn't you just walk to work in peace without being told to hurry?

"I'm coming!" you called out, and walked a bit faster. A couple of seconds later you were on the doorstep of the little shop.

"New flowers came for you." your manager shook her head while pointing to the counter. "That's nice and all, but if you can, tell the one who is sending them, that they should send them to your address and not to ours, okay? I'm not always here to get them for you."

There on the counter they were. Fresh, healthy daisies, waiting for you.

"Yeah, sorry." you muttered and disappeared into the changing room. Behind the closed door you wanted to sink into the floor. And you wanted to die from embarrassment, because there was also a bit of giddiness in side your stomach.

Dumb.

After you changed you walked behind the counter, the white flowers were shining up to you. And of course there was a small note attached, just like with the rest. The last days, there was written:

I'm sorry. I know I was an ass.

Is there something I can do? I don't want us to fall apart.

Can we talk?

They were always small notes and you wished you didn't, but you did keep them with you. The last nights you always read them again and wondered if you should call him. Taking your phone and staring at it for half an hour. But in the end you always chickened out.

The coffee shop door opened and Utahime came in, yawning. "Good morning."

"Good morning." you smiled at her as she came up to you. "Slept well?"

She scoffed while taking of her bag from her shoulder and placing it behind the counter next to you. "Don't even start."

She was already turning to go to the changing room, when she stopped in her tracks. Her look hanging on the new flowers in the small vase. She rolled her eyes and scoffed again. "He's still sending them?"

"Yeah." you kept your gaze on the white flowers.

"You know, I don't want to influence you too much. You know I was never a fan of Satoru." Utahime was whispering now, her voice gentle. "But don't let him pressure you with these gifts, okay? If you want to talk to him, do it, but don't forget what he did just because of some pretty flowers."

There was something big in your throat. You tried to swallow it, you really did, but it just didn't succeed. So you spoke with a hoarse voice; "Okay, I won't."

She smiled softly before she turned and went into the changing room.

You knew there was a new note. But you were so scared to look at it. Because even though he wasn't here, it was still a confrontation with Satoru. And you were scared of talking to him right now, because you knew how sentimental you can get when it came to Satoru.

You didn't want to keep thinking about him. Especially at work when you were alone with your thoughts and the coffee. But with these flowers beside you it was impossibile to think of anything or anyone else.

You wanted to know. Wanted to know how he responded to your lack of response.

Carefully, you separated the note from the flower it was attached to. The flower was the only one whose head was slightly hanging. The paper felt like fire in your hands. You heard Utahime's steps towards the counter and you knew she had seen what was in your hands. But she didn't act like she saw, she just turned to the door waiting for a costumer to come in. So you opened it.

You couldn't help it. You've got to know.

Are we still friends? - G. S.

Your eyes were starting to burn, your vision blurring before your eyes. You couldn't, you shouldn't but you did. You started to tear up.

"Hey, you okay?" You heard Utahime's soft whisper next to you. You wanted to answer, you really did, but your mouth didn't let you.

Utahime started to move again as she heard you sob one more time and went into the back rooms. You didn't hear it loud and clearly but you could decipher the words she spoke to your manager.

"L/n isn't feeling well. She-" The door shut completely behind her and you didn't hear more.

You tried to catch your breath, however it seemed impossible. Slowly you took a breath in, a breath out. In. Out.

It was 9 am. You were at work. Everything was okay.

"Hey." You didn't notice Utahime was next to you again, missing her steps towards you. "I spoke to her, you can go."

"What?" you looked up at her in surprise.

She sighed. "I hate to say it, but it won't get better if you don't talk it out with him. You don't have to do it today, but you are obviously not in the right state to sit here next to these flowers for hours, or are you?"

You slightly shook your head head. She smiled softly. "Then get going."

For a second you just blankly stared at her. But then it hit you. You could leave. Should leave. And today you would do it. You would talk to him and speak your whole mind. Yeah, you would tell him how you felt after the last confusing years, where he treated you like the sun one second and like shit the next. Not tomorrow. Today.

"Thank you." you hurried to the changing room, poking your head out before closing it. "Thank you!"

You heard her laugh, while you hastly changed. The apron was off in seconds, you had to stop and take a breath, before you opened the door again.

You hurried to take your bag and as you arrived back at the counter, your gaze fell onto the flowers on the counter. It was dumb. But you took them out of the vase and held them dearly to your heart.

"Get well soon." Utahime winked at you as you stood at the door. You gulped, but smiled back.

"I'll try.

-------> At home

The door was shut fastly behind you, you hurried to the kitchen to get the flowers a small cup as a vase. There was a small blue one, which was also not too small, so you took it. Filled it with water, as your eyes fell onto a note on the fridge.

Will be away for the whole day, medicine exam is eating me up - Shoko

Oh. Shoko was with her study group. Medicine was a hard major. But to be honest right now you didn't really think much about it. The only thing in your mind was the phone in your bag.

You placed the little cup-vase onto the kitchen table. The daisies were smiling at you, just like they were six years ago.

You wanted to smile back but it didn't feel like the time for that.

Your hand took your phone out of your bag. You watched as you fiddled with it. Wondering if maybe you should do it tomorrow, since you were pretty exhausted-

No. Today.

Your fingers were shaking as you typed his number. Hesitating before the dialing button. But in the end you did press it.

Your anxiety rose by thousands as you heard the dialing tone. And by the third time it rang you wanted to hang up, until -

"Hello?"

His voice was a bit hesitant and quiet. You were shaking, wondering why you called him, without thinking what words precisely to say, why did you just call him without any plan-

"Stop sending flowers to my workplace." your voice was slightly shaking, just like your hands. "My manager can't keep picking them up."

"Oh." it was very quiet on the other side. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you trouble with them."

A silence made it's way into the call. You heard him breath and you were sure he heard your anxious breathing too. God, this whole idea was a mess.

"Hey." he spoke again. "Do you want to talk about it? Are you ready to talk about it?"

...

"Yeah, I'm ready." your voice was a whisper.

The second silence followed, this one even a bit more tense.

"Can I come over, or is that to much?"

Your breath hitched, suddenly this seemed so real. You were stupid for it but you did miss him. You wanted to see him.

"It's okay." you muttered and heard a relieved sigh from him.

"Good, because I am almost there."

And just like that he hung up. Leaving you standing dumbfounded in your kitchen, the realization slowly settling. Wait, he meant immediately? You didn't think he would be already on his way, you still didn't know what to say!

God, you needed a tea.

Today was a green tea day. You worked your kettle, trying to keep your cool. But it was near impossible. How could you remain calm, when Satoru was coming over? Satoru, who was usual never wanting to have a serious talk?

Ring

You looked at your kettle, only to realize it had been the doorbell. Okay. It was time.

You opened the door of your apartment, to see a soaked Satoru standing before you, breathing heavy.

"Sorry for the rush, I didn't want to intimidate you." he muttered while his eyes were locked onto the ground. "I just had to see you in person."

"It's alright." Well, he still intimidated you, but in the end you wanted to see him in person too. At least you think you did, when you look at his wet, but still gorgeous hair. At his blue ocean like eyes. It was just Satoru.

You let him into your apartment, hurrying to your kettle, who was now ringing too. You heard him shut the door, as you poured yourself a cup of tea, watching as the water turned green.

His steps echoed through the apartment, until he stood there, in the doorframe of the kitchen. His eyes now locked onto you as you glanced at him. You took your tea cup and sat down at the table. Gesturing with your hand that he should sit down too. He did.

You saw him gulp, but he kept quiet. You took a long sip.

"So?"

His eyes widened a bit. Then he cleared his throat. "I wanted to apologize to you. Like, really apologize. I know I messed up."

You could see his hands fidgeting but he still kept his eyes on you.

"I don't remember what I was thinking. And I mean that literally, I drank so much that I didn't remember even going to this club." he shook his head. "Not that that excuses anything. My first mistake was drinking carelessly. And I'm so-"

"Why did you?" you stopped him. He tilted his head a bit as you looked at him. "You treated me horrible that evening. You left me alone at the entrance of that club, drank your brain away and then disappeared. Why did you leave me alone at the entrance, why did you drink so much?"

His body tensed up and you knew you struck a nerve.

"And you know that's not the first time." you muttered. "It's like three years ago, when you suddenly made that shift to treat me horrible and then dropped me as a friend."

Silence made itself into the room.

"And then you come back to apologize and want everything to go back as it were, but it doesn't." you whispered. "I can pretend that it does, but it doesn't. Because I just don't feel appreciated as a person. For you I'm always-" Your voice broke a bit.

"For you I'm always just the safe backup. Because I always forgive you and you know it."

"That's not true." Satoru tried to grab your hands on the table, but you pulled them away. Any form of contact right now would kill you.

"Then what is it, Satoru? It feels like you never told me."

His eyes faced the table, now looking like he was sick. His posture was stiff as he fidgeted more with his fingers.

"I'm an idiot, you know?" he was mumbling. "A coward and a selfish idiot."

"What are you talking about?" you gripped onto your warm teacup. He looked at your hands, a nervous chuckle escaping him.

"It's just -" he stopped. While looking at you he shook his head and abruptly stood up. Speaking with his hands on his face, his voice a bit muffled but still understandable. "I want you to know that everything I will say is not me trying to justify my behavior, okay? I just - I own you an honest explanation."

You looked at him, as he seemed to hide himself behind his hands. You were scared. Scared of what he will say. But you knew you also wanted and needed to know. "Alright, then tell me Satoru."

It's silent again, the only thing you heard was the sound of a neighbor's key falling outside of the Appartement. Satoru was messing with his hair, while he avoided to look at you. You could see the gear wheels in his head working, trying to make out what to say. He took a sharpy breath.

"Every time I notice that we are growing more together or become closer, it's just so, -" he shook his head. "It's so scary. Because I notice how I start to feel and act and I -, well I get cold feet and try to push you away. Because I know, that it's stupid for me to feel how I feel, and I don't want to lose our friendship and-"

"Wait, wait, wait." you raised your hand. "You're pushing me away because you don't want to lose our friendship?"

He groaned. "It's stupid I know and in the last years I have become better, but it's just-, god, every time I see someone flirting with you and you look so happy, my emotions become so big and I get angry with everything."

"Satoru what do you mean? Why would you - I don't understand." now it was your turn to hide your head behind your hands.

"That Friday, before we went to that club together. I have seen you with that guy, who bought you a drink at your workplace. And you laughed so much, I just felt so shitty because I realized-" his voice is shaking. "I realized that I still have feelings for you."

The world seemed to stop spinning. You raised your head in slow motion and looked at him. His blue eyes were locked on you, showing vulnerability. You couldn't help but just stare at him.

"And I got scared!" his voice got a bit louder as he started pacing down the kitchen. "Because I have been in the friend zone my entire life and I thought I could live with that. But everything was so much, I saw red and just wanted to hide. I wanted to snap out of that feeling so I left you standing at the entrance."

He stopped pacing, his back now turned to you. "It's the same every time. I want to keep our friendship, but push you so far away that we become strangers."

"You really are an idiot."

You didn't notice until you spoke, that you were crying. Ugly sobbing filled the room, you felt like suffocating. "Not once did you ask yourself how I felt. You just wanted to keep yourself safe, didn't you?"

You could see his back tensing. You shook your head. "You made me feel like I was the friend you only kept in touch with, because our parents know each other. You made me feel so dumb for wanting to spend time with you. That's not how you treat someone you have feelings for!

You could have just told me."

He scoffed, now turning around. "Would we be still be friends if I did? "

"No."

You looked at the green tea in your cup. "We would be more."

You could hear his breath hitch. And in seconds he was standing in front of the table again. You felt his gaze on you. "What do you mean?"

You laughed while tears were streaming down your cheeks. "Satoru it was so obvious for everyone else. Why do you think I have forgiven you every time, no matter what you did?

I have feelings for you."

The silence came back. And with a silent sigh he sat down before you again, hwad in his hands again. "Why did you never tell me?"

"Why did you never tell me? Because I was scared of ruining our friendship. And you always seemed to have zero feelings for me that we're not platonic." you sobbed again, making him flinch. You saw his hand twitch, but this time he didn't move it.

"Please, don't cry." he was whispering with such care in his voice you wanted to cry harder. "Not over my stupidity."

A small try of a laugh escaped you. "I'm always crying over your stupidity, Satoru." you shook your head. "But also mine. I could have confessed too, but I didn't because I was scared. I'm sorry."

He moved a bit closer, his chair now as near as possible. "Don't apologize -"

"But I am sorry. Because now I don't know how to feel and..." you stopped, trying to catch your breath. "I want to forgive you, but I'm just so scared and -"

That's when Satoru stood up again. You watched through your blurry vision how he made his way to you, going around the table. There he stood looking at you with something so big, something so mighty in his eyes.

Carefully his hands made it's way next to your face, drying your tears and caressing your face.

"I know that I will do everything to deserve your forgiveness. No pushing away, no riddles."

He wiped your hair out of the way and placed a soft kiss onto your forehead.

"But I don't think I want to be friends anymore."

Deleted scene:

"I thought I should stop sending them." Satoru had his signature grin on his face, while looking at the daisies on the table. "But you do like them!"

"I didn't say you should stop sending them, I said you should stop sending them to my workplace." you kept your gaze on the white flowers in front of you, even though you felt him staring at you. "And I didn't want you to think that you could buy my forgiveness."

"Oh, I never thought that! I just wanted to you to know that I thought of you." his close body raised a hand to take on of the daisies. "You remember that day at the festival?"

"Of course I do." you snorted. "I thought you were stupid for bringing daisies and claiming that they remind you of me, when they are white flowers."

He gasped dramatically. "Stupid? That was my heart laid out in front of you!"

You couldn't help but laugh at his playful 'hurt' face. "Then why do they remind you of me?"

"You were always new beginning."

Taglist:

@lady-of-blossoms @mistygrovesarchive @hauntedcatnerd3 @ginginha

@watermelonslut @genxnarumi @lun4rchive @dekusdante

@eclecticmentalitypersona @ackermendick @luciiferslover @hyunsuks-beanie

@ri-sa20 @mew4-ever18 @cgmajor @gojojjknanami

@haikyuusimpsblog @starlightglimmersworld @sadmonke

@sheep-infog @ssetsuka

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

may I request an angst with evan buckley

"keep your eyes on me." promt with an established relationship please! but hes been through a lot give him his happy ending please, i love him so much 🫶🏻

Lightning Strike.

28. "Keep your eyes on me."

Author's Note - this is a drabble written as part of my 500 Followers Celebration!! find that post here. my soft sweet buck. thank you for this request <3

Pairing - Evan Buckley x Female Reader

Age Rating - 18+

Warnings - sad buck. mentions of a sort of panic attack.

Word Count - 500 ish maybe??

Masterlist. 500 Follower Celebration Masterlist.

Buck is the king of putting on a brave face.

Always strong, never faltering. He reassures everyone he's fine time and time again, smiling and cracking jokes. But you see right through him.

You've always been able to read him like a book. You don't even have to try.

After the lightning strike, Buck doubled down on his brave face. He wouldn't let anyone see him upset - not even Eddie. Which is rare. And worrying.

He seems to be coping surprisingly well, desperate to get back to work and resume normal routine. While he's stuck at home, he's been cooking, doing puzzles, watching football. You're greeted with a lovingly cooked meal and a glass of wine every time you walk through the door.

Until today.

Today, you walk into the apartment, and it's dark. No lights on, no TV blaring sound. Nothing.

"Buck?"

Silence.

"Buck? Baby? I'm home," you call.

Now you're worried.

You start striding through the apartment, navigating your way through the darkness. When you hear a sniffle, your head whips around. There's Buck, knees pressed to his chest, jammed in between the nightstand and the wall. He's curled up on the ground, head resting on his arms that are protectively wrapped around his legs.

"Buck? Hey, did something happen?"

"Yeah," he murmurs hoarsely. "I got hit by lightning."

"I remember," you say gently. "Did something happen today?"

"I don't know," he whispers. "I think I've been distracting myself. And today it all came crashing down."

"Talk to me," you urge.

Buck's lip trembles, and so do his hands. Warm, salty tears drip down his face, and his breathing quickens rapidly.

"Hey, hey. Keep your eyes on me, Buck."

He locks his gaze onto yours, and mirrors your breathing carefully. Eventually, he calms down enough to speak.

"I died. I've been so close to death so many times that I'm kinda numb to it. But this time was so real. How am I supposed to go on living my life like nothing happened, when I literally died?"

"You don't have to live like nothing happened, baby," you reassure, moving to sit down in front of him. "No one expects you to do that."

"I just -," he sighs, trying to formulate a coherent thought. "I just don't know how to carry on."

You reach out gently and place a hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears that are spilling over. Your thumb strokes his cheekbone carefully, grounding him back down to Earth.

"I know you're like, totally anti therapy -," you begin, and he laughs. "But talking to a therapist or a trauma counsellor might really help. Or maybe we find a support group. This is LA, there's groups for everything."

"You think there's a lightning strike support group?" he jokes.

"I honestly wouldn't be surprised," you chuckle. "And if there isn't? Well, we'll start one."

"I might be the only person who attends."

"Fine by me," you tease, nudging him lovingly.

You stand up, and offer him a hand. He takes it gratefully, getting up and instantly wrapping his arms around you. He inhales the scent of your vanilla shampoo, and the tension leaves his shoulders rapidly.

"I love you," he murmurs into your hair. "I'm so lucky."

"I'm the lucky one," you reassure. "Well, technically you are, since you got hit by lightning. And survived."

"I've always been one in a million," he chuckles, squeezing you a little tighter.

"Yes, you have. My one in a million, Evan Buckley."

[citrustan]

i see u are taking drabble requests!! could i very gently very nicely ask to plz have a yoongi x reader drabble? it can be angsty fluffy or smutty i just rlly miss yoongi, aaand thank u in advance!!

thanks! i will choose all three (barely-there smut bec i just need to get comfortable w it through practice)

love-daze (myg)

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: unrequited love?, friends to ?

warnings: methinks this can be considered infidelity but not really?? as for the characters, all's open to interpretation. :p unedited. this is raw raw ok.

"Should I stop?" You whisper, unwrapping your arms from around him.

After a few beats, still zoned-out, Yoongi moans in disapproval, "No, keep going, this is fine."

He adjusts you on his lap and tilts his head back.

Still unsure, you go back to placing soft kisses all over his neck. Desperate to make Yoongi happy, you put a little more energy into it as you begin to gently grind on him.

Occasional whimpers and sighs float around the cold room. While that would seem to be enough to send you over the moon, it doesn't seem to help you this time.

"Yoongi..." You tiredly sigh.

You want to make Yoongi feel good, but at this point, you know he's too distracted.

Thinking of her.

And you find that unfair. He was the one who called you after all. Because he knew you'd always be around. Only for him.

You were never shy about your feelings for Yoongi, so when you couldn't get him to reciprocate romantically, you figured you'd give it a shot anyway and offered yourself for him to use whenever he wanted, for whatever he wanted.

Yoongi was intrigued.

He seemingly never did end up needing you though.

Until now.

Two hours ago, Yoongi came over to tell you how his girlfriend had turned down his marriage proposal a few days ago.

One hour ago, you tried to talk him into giving her more space.

Thirty minutes ago, he ended up calling her anyway, which in turn made her distance herself even more, telling him to not call her again.

And now, Yoongi has you naked, on his lap, trying to make himself forget about everything--- his girlfriend, her rejection, his humiliation, their sadness... just all of it.

Yoongi wanted to hurt her, too. His own pleasure is just a bonus. He knew that if she ever caught wind of you and him, it'd destroy her.

For some reason unknown to Yoongi (and you), Sera always had been insecure about you. Not that Yoongi gave her any reason to be, even offering to seize all contact with you.

You had cried for days when you accidentally heard about it through one of your mutuals. Yet, you understood, and continued to love him silently while distancing yourself from the couple.

Yes, you loved him but you would never try to steal his happiness away or break up a relationship.

Both Sera and Yoongi noticed the lack of your presence in their lives.

During that short period, she also observed how Yoongi seemed moodier and a little more disengaged in general.

For a while, Sera thought she might've just been a masochist or something because what other reason did she have to refuse Yoongi's offer?

She felt guilty because she didn't want to be the kind of woman who stopped her faithful boyfriend from having friends. She felt guilty because she had always known about your interest in him but had decided to pursue him anyway.

She felt guilty when she saw the look on your face when she was first introduced as Yoongi's girlfriend. She remembers how defeated and sad you were. One would expect jealousy, or anger, or even hatred, but you were always cordial with her.

She felt guilty when he asked her her hand in marriage because it came out of nowhere, and she knew it was Yoongi's attempt to salvage what was left of them.

It's probably karma, she thinks. Sera felt like an intruder in your lives even though she was the girlfriend. Even though Yoongi never really looked at you in a way she would be worried about, she just... felt something.

Which is why Sera isn't surprised to see Yoongi at your place now. She saw it on your Instagram story, but it was deleted almost immediately.

She doesn't know why Yoongi never let you in, and selfishly hadn't cared.

All she could do now was watch the man she loves be with someone else. As you had done.

Yoongi finally looks you in the eye, expectantly, brows somewhat raised.

Again, you ask, "Are you really, really sure you want this?"

Yoongi sees the loving look on your face and his breath hitches. You didn't deserve this.

The long pause answered all your questions.

You don't know why you're disappointed, you had offered yourself to him. It was your choice.

Sadly, giving him a tight-lipped smile, you sigh.

Before you could speak, he tilts your head towards his own, making your foreheads touch.

You gulp, afraid of what he might say.

With a shaky voice, he rubs his thumb on your cheek, "I'm sorry." - "For what?"

"_____, you deserve to be treated with respect. And, I'm sorry I failed to."

"Yoongi... I'm not offended... I told you, I'm okay with this." You pout, confused.

"Exactly. You shouldn't be. I won't take advantage of you like this." Yoongi is stern. Mostly speaking to himself.

But you don't care, "What if I want to be taken advantage of?"

"_____..." He's breathless.

"Yoonie... I can feel you. I want to be used. I want you so bad. I always have." You resume grinding on him, "You want me so bad. I know you care about me, Yoonie."

He firmly places his hands on your waist. You expect him to grab your cute butt, but instead, he holds you in place, "_____. Not like this. We're too... vulnerable. This is new. Let's not rush into anything."

At that, you instantly snap out of your love-daze.

What did he mean by 'this'? Let's not rush into 'anything'?

Your face was expressive, making him smile a little. You then lift yourself off of him.

Yoongi's forcing himself not to ogle your tits or the string of your sticky wetness detaching from his trousers as you moved to sit next to him.

The two of you have a lot to heal through.

Yoongi stood up from your couch to retrieve your crocheted throw which he then uses to swaddle you. You stare up at him with big eyes as he wrapped the material around you, making him playfully scoff.

Yoongi kneels in front of you, "I don't know how to thank you for being there for me, _____." He has a solemn face.

Meekly, you suggest, "We can just... talk if you'd like."

Placing a hand atop your own, he softly smiles, "I'd love that, _____."

note: ok like ack-chu-ally idk what this turned into i just wanted to write like a 100 word thing about reader patiently waiting for yoongi to realise his feelings for her

But I Just Couldn't STop going on and im curious to see the response to this because I think I hate it kinda

[gremlinmodetweeker]

Over and Over and Over Again

So there's this animation meme going around of 'Are we together in every universe?' and I don't have a tablet or anything to dray my animation on, so I figured maybe I should just write it out. This is really more of a drabble, a very very short story, but it's one I've thought of for a while.

I hope you all enjoy!

TW: Just fluff, maybe existentialism?

Wordcount: 1k

Art from This Post

Story Below the Cut

Over and Over and Over Again

The setting sun paints the landscape in golden orange tones in the far distance. Its crimson head only just peaks over the hills in the horizon as the moon begins her faithful ascent to the heavens. The world orbits and tilts all around you, but none of it matters as you lay under an apple tree beside your beloved.

You take his big hand in yours and look up at him.

He’s staring off into the distance, entranced by the beauty of the world around you. He has the slightest smile on his face as he watches the clouds meander through the sky like sheep in a meadow. Soft, puffy white things touched with gold as they graze on the dying light.

You look up above at the tree, its branches winding out and up to touch the sky with spinster’s hands. One leaf breaks away in a gust of pleasant wind to twirl down to the dying grass beneath you both.

The world is finally at peace. You’re safe, and for once, you can confidently say König is safe as well. All those years of waiting for a letter to arrive home, waiting for a strange soldier to show up on your doorstep with your husband's dog tags in their hands, waiting for one single phone call to shatter your world, it was all wasted anxiety. König was safe now, and he always would be. The military was a distant thought now, KorTac a lingering dream, just a simple passing breeze fluttering through the leaves. You could actually relax now, knowing that König would be by your side forevermore.

König’s hand squeezed yours.

“Is everything alright?” you asked.

König hummed, “Everything's perfect.”

You nodded and leaned over to rest your head on his long arm. The world was beginning to frost, but you felt warm and comfortable by his side. The peace and calm was a welcome escape from the fear that had haunted you for years.

“Actually,” you murmured nervously, “there is one thing I’m thinking about.”

König gave you another hum, this time tinged with concern.

“I was just wondering if…”

An albatross pushed another branch into place in her nest. She looked at her mate with sad eyes, “Do you think we’re together in every universe?”

Her mate rolled his eyes and gave out a small squawk.

“No seriously, do you think we’re together in every universe?”

The male groomed his partner and hummed.

The male fox drops the rabbit at his mate’s feet, “I think you’re overthinking again.”

The female drops her chin to her paws. Her tail flicks once, then twice, and she says, “I don’t think so. I don’t think I overthink, actually.”

“Thinking about thinking is a form of overthinking, isn’t it?” the male laughed.

“No!” the female huffs, her fur standing on end as she bristles up.

The anemone hums to the clown fish, “I think you just don’t want to admit I’m right.”

The clown fish swims irritably through the fronds of the great anemone, “I think it’s an important thing to think about. Don’t you?”

The anemone waves idly through the waves, “I don’t think so. I think I'm happy in this universe, and that's what counts to me.”

The squirrel huddles in the knot of the tree, hanging on desperately as the winds whip around it.

“I mean, it’s just…” the squirrel pauses as lightening cracks through the sky, “I don’t know what I’d do without you. So what if…”

“What if?” the tree hums back.

“What if something tears us apart? What if you can’t be there for me again?”

The wolf laughs at his mate and hurries the pups out of the den to play. He lays beside his mate and licks her cheek fondly.

“If you’re asking if anything can take us apart,” the male says, “then the answer is: I don’t think so.”

The female whines, “Are you sure?”

The male chuffs, “I’m sure. You just have to trust me.”

The male penguin shifts the egg from his pouch to the female's, careful as he possibly can be with the fragile life between them.

“But we’ve already spent so much time apart,” his mate worries, “it feels like something is always trying to keep us apart.”

“My time away has ended now,” the male says calmly, “I won’t leave again.”

“But how can you promise?” she asks.

“Because that time is over now,” the seahorse winds his tail with his partner, “we’re together now, and that’s what counts.”

The female snorts, but she holds onto him dearly, “I hope you’re right.”

“When have I been wrong?” the male points out, “I always come back. You always come back. It doesn’t matter how often we’re apart, we always come back to each other. Doesn’t that count for something?”

The shingleback lizard waves her tail back and forth. She wipes her eye free of dust and turns back to her mate.

“Maybe,” she admits, “but I'm not sure.”

“No?” her partner laughs, “well, what would change your mind?”

The female thinks for a moment. She absentmindedly digs a bit into the dirt, then covers it back up again before she turns and admits, “Maybe I’m just scared.”

The ocean laughs as the rain pelts his face.

“Why would you be scared?” he bellows over the raging tempest.

“Because I’m worried we might be kept apart one day,” the rain cries out.

The ocean reaches up to take more of her into him, bring her back into his hold. She readily falls into him, letting herself be taken up in his current once more.

“As long as we are here,” the ocean whispers into his depths, “we’ll always be together.”

A bright flash of light, a blinding epiphany, something truly wonderful whispers to another.

“So, you do think we’d be together in every universe,” one says to the other.

The other takes the one into himself and holds it close, “I promise you that we’ll always be together.”

“Do you truly think so?” the first asks as it peers up at its lover.

“I think so,” König says as he smiles back down at you, “I don’t think anything can keep us apart forever.”

You smile as you reach up to brush his stubbled chin with your fingers.

“I hope you’re right.”

König laughs and pets your hair.

“I’m always right. You just have to trust me.”

Konig Dump

Regular Fanfics

[lucianhuntress]

Neuvillette x Reader: 31. “Everyone wanted to give up on me, except you.”

Another bonus drabble that was not on the original list. @vizell was so disappointed by the lack of Neuvilette, so here you go. Oh and it's a merman AU. 😌

For months you had been returning to that same shore you met him for the first time— when you couldn't believe your eyes when you saw a half man, half fish sitting on a small rock in the light rain. 

It might have been the saddest sight in your life, but also the most beautiful. He noticed you, his long white hair flowing unnaturally behind his back like it wasn’t affected by rain, his lips parted in surprise like he had never seen anyone like you before.

He was wary of you; most explorers coming to these same shores often had bad intentions, but you were hunting a legend: the sunken city of Fontaine. Gold and riches didn’t bring you upon those shores, but a mystery that needed to be solved.

Just a day before you were supposed to return home empty handed had you stumbled upon him. Unfortunately there was no way for you to get funding without capturing the silvery haired merman, but every inch in your body screamed against such thought. You talked to him that day, learning that you didn't even want to share about his existence to the rest of the world; no funding would be worth his suffering.

After months of coming and going, you returned one last time. Neuvillette was already waiting for you, sitting in the shallow waters, ready to help you below sea level as you possibly couldn't enjoy the dive without any equipment and without any funding you couldn't afford the said diving equipment.

“It is good to see you again,” he murmured softly, sending butterflies flying inside of you with that sad smile of his, “I trust your fellow humans didn't give you this… funding.”

You plop down to your knees in front of him, cold waves of sea water rising to tickle your legs. Even when you didn't have any money to actually research the sunken Fontaine, you would give up everything as you were completely enamored by him. Neuvilette had been distrusting in the beginning, but slowly he had begun trusting you and eventually he dreaded being away from you.

“I'm happy that you're actually waiting for me here every time.” You told him shyly, averting your eyes off his bare upper body. He sometimes wore kelps or seaweed— said they were given by the Melusines he often visited when he had the time.

“Why wouldn't I wait?” He asked, taking your hand into his, while he sat in the shallow tide in front of you, “you have brought sun into my rain.”

Neuvillette was always so honest and that made your heart race wildly, “Neuvillette— everyone wanted to give up on me, except you.” Your words left you breathless. He always believed in you.

He softly tugged your hand and you gave in, slowly drifting deeper and deeper into the water but he never let go, even when some survival instinct of yours screamed as the cold water embraced you and how the loss of sand beneath your feet became real.

“Are you ready?” He asked politely like he did every time. You had been to the sunken city of Fontaine so many times, yet something always kept you on your toes. You felt his scaly lower body brushing against yours, his arms wrapping around your waist to keep you still.

“Take me home,” you whispered shakily, avoiding water ending up in your lungs. It was a decision you made a while ago; you had no reason to stay above the sea. And so, he took you underwater, diving swiftly to your new home, holding you tight and afraid of letting go as the dark sea would devour you without him.

[thatwriterchick222]

lost inhibitions (pov!joel/tess)

summary: When Joel met Tess, it was a punch to the gut. At first, they hated each other. Getting off on the wrong foot, meeting in a quarantine zone, her rather bossy and irritable demeanor… it was bound to scare a man off.

But there was just something about her.

His first mistake was getting drunk with her one night.

It all happened so fast. The liquor burned its way down Joel’s throat, and soon enough they were both saying things they shouldn’t and laughing about it.

Then, Tess’s hand was on his arm. And then it was on his chest, and this his face, and in his hair. It happened so fast. In a blur of alcohol and false hope, their pure disparity unleashed itself. 

a/n: this is just my own little drabble about how i think joel and tess's romance began, told from joel's pov. i've always been intrigued by joel and tess because the game gives us just enough to know that they're romantically involved, but also doesn't show any onscreen affection outright (except for maybe the face grab at the very beginning and some hints in the dialogue).

also, i don't know if there's any confirmation about whether or not tommy and tess actually knew each other, so for the sake of this fanfic i'm assuming that tommy joined the boston qz with joel and then ended up leaving to join the fireflies.

anyway, i enjoyed exploring them and imagining how joel, so hardened by everything that happened, ended up falling for her...

hope you all enjoy!

TW: suicidal ideation

NSFW under the cut ;)))))))

——————-

When Joel met Tess, it was a punch to the gut. Years upon years of holding guilt and pain inside and locking it away… and here was this woman. A woman, who in a few months, made him feel more than he had felt in at least a decade.

At first, they hated each other. Getting off on the wrong foot, meeting in a quarantine zone, her rather bossy and irritable demeanor… it was bound to scare a man off.

But there was just something about her. 

Maybe she reminded him of his ex-wife. Maybe it was just some uncontrollable lust that he needed to feel for once, after years of not so much as getting his rocks off alone. He was reppressed, in every meaning of the word. He suppressed his sadness, his shame, his guilt, his happiness, and his sexuality. Because one thing he knew for sure was that this far along if he let himself feel anything, he would feel everything.

And she drew something out of him without even meaning to. Slowly, they became accustomed to each other’s instabilities. Joel grew strangely fond of her curtness, and she seemed to enjoy his gruff exterior. They played together well. She could make an off-handed comment about him and he could grumble about it. It just worked, somehow.

But Joel swore never to open himself up again. So they stayed like this, a fine balancing act between caring a bit too much for each other while also not caring as much as both of them needed. Despite Joel’s frightening romantic feelings, he kept quiet about it. They didn’t do anything. And they both seemed satisfied with their companionship.

That was until Tommy left. Joined the Fireflies, to be exact. Joel wanted to kick himself for not catching on sooner. But, one morning, he woke up to find a note.

And that was that. The one person Joel had trusted with everything, a man who was there with him since day one, someone who knew what had happened and allowed him to never talk about it again– not for a lack of trying– was gone. 

So Tess was all he had. Not that he was mad about that. 

His first mistake was getting drunk with her one night. She had smuggled some old booze from a guy and suggested that the both of them start smuggling more in, along with some pills to sell for ration cards. 

It all happened so fast. The liquor burned its way down Joel’s throat, and soon enough they were both saying things they shouldn’t have been and laughing about it. 

Then, Tess’s hand was on his arm. And then it was on his chest, and this his face, and in his hair. It happened so fast. In a blur of alcohol and false hope, their pure disparity unleashed itself. 

And soon they were kissing, messily, sloppily, not even caring whether or not what they were doing was sane or attractive. It was pure animal, whatever they were feeling. She smelled so good and sweaty and dirty, and it sent Joel into overdrive. Their tongues were in each other’s mouths and Joel realized that he had nearly forgotten how to kiss, but it was too late because they realized there was no need for kissing, and she was reaching for his belt.

continue on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54261952

[starlightkyeom]

I saw the post about accepting Yoongi drabble requests, can you combine "please come back" with "I haven't moved on"?

I hope that's not too sad!

title: begin again pairing: yoongi x gn!reader genre: writer/producer!yoongi, non-idol!au, exes to (possibly) lovers, some angst with a hopeful ending warnings: mentions of drinking/being at a bar, yoongi and reader are exes, but i promise this is not sad throughout word count: ~1.7k rating: teen and up note: happy birthday @hot-soop ily so so much! thank you to the anon who sent this in. i don't *think* it came out too sad, but i'll see how much bee yells at me for it and then judge.

You’re a little nervous, to say the least. Have been since you got the invitation to this party. Excited too, because if there’s anyone in this world that deserves this kind of happiness, it’s your friend, Namjoon. You’re thrilled that he found his person and so appreciative that he wants you at his engagement celebration. So, of course, you accepted immediately. 

It’s just…well you haven’t seen Yoongi in over three years. Not since the final argument that ended your relationship. Not since you promised that walking away was best for both of you and that there genuinely weren’t going to be any hard feelings. No, you would be mature about this, stay in touch and support each other as you chased your respective dreams. A nice idea, in theory, but not so much in actual practice. There were the occasional texts in the month or so after and then those faded and neither one of you made the effort to keep it up. Like you both knew it would go this way. 

It wasn’t like you were in some kind of black hole, though, where you avoided ever hearing about what he was up to. You still had several mutual friends, like Namjoon, who would post pictures from trips or nights out. Then there was the fact that Yoongi had gained traction, like he always wanted, and was writing and producing for some very big names. Even without seeing the credits, you always know when he’s worked on something. You’ve spent enough time listening to his work to be able to hear him in anything he touches. Like a signature even if he doesn’t realize he’s leaving it. It hurts, how could it not? But you’re also proud, so proud, that he’s doing exactly what he always wanted. 

At the same time, part of you wonders. Would he have gotten this successful if you’d stayed together? He’s talented, unbelievably so, and yet there are a lot of talented people who never get the kinds of breaks Yoongi did. Maybe it’s best for your own mental well-being to assume that the decision you both made three years ago was for the best. 

Your eyes are on the door, have been since you got here. Every time it opens, your breath catches, only to come rushing out when it’s not Yoongi. Part of you wonders if he’ll show up at all before remembering that this is his best friend’s engagement party. Of course, he’ll be here. This is a big night and he’s always been there for Namjoon. 

It’s kind of funny, actually, how everything works. You’re stuck in your own head, brain going a million miles a minute thinking of Yoongi and all the things you used to know. Wondering if they’re all still true. So caught up in your thoughts that you miss the door opening. Miss Yoongi showing up. Miss the way his eyes land on you almost immediately. Miss the slight frown as he works out if he should approach you immediately or get a drink first. 

By the time he’s gotten a drink, you finally notice him approaching you and wonder, for a second, how he managed to blend in so well. But then, he’s never been one for drawing attention, never been one for loud scenes. You find yourself absently smoothing down the fabric of your dress. At least it gives you a second to catch your breath and prepare. 

“Hey,” he says, far too softly given that you’re in a bar. Though you hear him anyway. 

“Hey, it’s good to see you,” you say. He smiles and you do too. Your voice sounds more even than you expect. 

“Joon-ah said you’d be here,” Yoongi says. 

“Yeah, well, it was nice of him to invite me,” you say and grimace. The words feel all wrong coming out of you. 

“This is a little awkward,” Yoongi admits with that same smile he gets when he’s unsure of something. 

“I knew you’d be here and part of me wanted to talk to you,” you begin.

“And the other part?” Yoongi prompts.

“Scared out of my mind,” you finish. 

Yoongi is thoughtful as he gazes at you. “Me too.” 

Seeing Yoongi before you is both weird and also the most normal thing in the world all at the same time. He’s both a stranger and the person you know best in the world. You know that he’s changed, you both have, but how different can someone like Yoongi, so averse to big changes, really be? 

So you do what you said you’d do all along. You catch up on each other’s lives, make small talk, start to fill in the missing pieces of the last three years. Yoongi tells you a little about the music he’s making, smiles that gummy smile when you say you think you’ve probably heard it all. Smiles again when you say that you can hear him in everything he’s worked on. He can’t believe how happy you are for him and for everything he’s done, after all this time. But you are, how could you not be? It hasn’t all been easy, he says. Sometimes the artists are difficult or his songs don’t get selected and that’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s still everything he wanted from his career, though. He’s almost careful the way he emphasizes career. 

When he gets tired of the attention, all too soon in your opinion, he turns to you. There’s a softness in his eyes when he says that he wants to know what you’ve been up to as well. It’s so genuine, so entirely Yoongi. And you hear the truth of what he’s asking: did you get to chase your dreams? You did. You went back to school, chasing that perfect job, and managed to work while you were doing it. When things felt a little overwhelming, you traveled to visit friends you’d lost touch with and new friends you’d picked up along the way. Got to see beautiful things in the world both by yourself and with people you cared about. You realize you’re also being careful with where you put the emphasis. It’s on traveling more than the people. 

There’s a lightness to talking like this, a lightness that you’re not sure you felt in the aftermath of the breakup. Where it should feel awkward to see him now, to talk like nothing bad ever happened, it only felt easy. Mostly it just feels like sitting across from the person who always knew you best in the world. Who could always tell how you were feeling without words. Maybe not so much had changed after all. Sure, you were older, wiser, a little more sure of yourself. But fundamentally, you weren’t really that different from the person who fell in love with the boy with big dreams and an impossible way with words. 

You and Yoongi find yourselves sitting together through the toasts, except for when Yoongi stands to make his, on behalf of his best friend. The two of you stick together when going to the bar, stick together when you sit to have some of the passed hors d’oeuvers, just generally don’t seem to want to part. 

It’s not until things start winding down that you realize you’ve barely spoken to anyone else. Of course, you congratulated Namjoon and his partner, told them for the millionth time what a beautiful couple they make and thanked them for the invite. You greet all the people you know since most of them are just casual acquaintances. But you don’t linger anywhere with anyone, except for Yoongi.

Now that it’s time to leave, you’re not really sure how to end things with Yoongi. Your heart feels lighter and you’re not really sure what any of that means. 

“I really should be heading out,” you say, feeling awkward for the first time since Yoongi greeted you. 

Yoongi doesn’t say anything for a second, so you turn to grab your jacket. That’s when you feel his hand on your arm, gentle enough that you could pull away. Instead, your eyes find his. “Please come back,” he says softly, too soft again for this environment.

“Yoon,” you plead. 

“I don’t know if we made the right decision three years ago. Sometimes it feels like we did, like we both needed the space. Other times, I really fucking hated not having someone there to celebrate the milestones with me. My first song, first album, first hit, hell, even my birthdays,” he fires off. 

“You could have had that,” you reason and ignore the way his face falls.

“I couldn’t have,” he disagrees.

“Why not?” You think you know the emotions on his face. But it’s been three years, so how can you really be sure?

“Because I haven’t moved on,” he says. “Not really, I couldn’t. I knew as soon as you left that I wouldn’t be able to.”

“I don’t…” you start and fumble to find the words.

“It’s okay,” Yoongi says. “I’ve known since I heard you were coming that I was going to find a way to tell you that. I’ve been able to plan.”

“Were you the reason that Namjoon invited me?” you ask. 

“No, he asked if it was okay and I just agreed,” Yoongi says. 

“I know I need to say…something,” you say, more to yourself than to him. 

“Not right now. When we were together…” Yoongi trails off, searching for the words. “Well, I wasn’t always the best at letting you inside my head. It was always easier for me to put it to writing. It still is.”

You both chuckle a little at that because it’s so true, at least it was. Yoongi always needed to sort his feelings out by writing, but sometimes you still weren’t sure what he meant. 

“I’m better at it now, though. So I’d like a chance to see you again, to say all the things we left unsaid and all the things I wish I could’ve said back then,” Yoongi says and you go to interject. “I’m not expecting anything, I just really would like the chance.”

“Okay,” is all you can say. But his whole face lights up and your heart constricts. 

“Okay?” he repeats.

“Yeah, okay. I’m not promising anything either, but there’s a lot to talk about and it’s been really nice seeing you tonight,” you admit.

Yoongi smiles again, big and genuine, eyes sparkling. “Okay.”

[bug-decal-kissing]

Hey friends!

All the works I've collected today are NSFW; they'll be below the cut :].

The Beginning is the End is the Beginning, by grylos, was updated today, with 6/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Explicit and Graphic Depictions Of Violence, with additional tags "Genocide, Slavery, Sexual Slavery, Bombs, Suicidal Thoughts, Sad, Happy Ending, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Backstory, Slow Burn, Child Abuse, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, Corruption, Consensual Non-Consent, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Grooming, Oviposition, Bugs & Insects, bug sex"

You can read it here:

Please mind the tags for chapters 5 & 6 ! Stuff is getting hEAVY,,,,,

NOT MY BOY NOT MY BOY PLEASEEEEEE PLEAAAAAASEEEEEE EVERYTHING WAS GOING OKAY FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE WHYYYYYYYYY I'M GOING TO KILL FICTIONAL CHARACTERS WITH MY BARE HANDS. MY BOY. MY PRECIOUS BOY. WHYYYY I'M GOING TO START CRYING AND THROWIGN UP

A new work, It is snake day by othersin, was published today, with 1/1 Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "god AU, moon god prismo, sun god scarab, Shapeshifting, snake prismo, Romance, Married Couple, Married Life, because openly flirting with your husband in his office is expected, scarab is not able to get any work done, Cute, Romantic Fluff, scarab loves any shape prismo appears in, prismo loves scarab just as much, Drabble, Short One Shot"

You can read it here:

Snake Prismo my beloved <333333 He's a BIG SNAKE obviously <3 I, too, wish to be hugged by a giant cold snake it sounds like the perfect weighted blanket,,; they are IN LOVE and it fills me with VIOLENCE/pos.

A new work, Roman Skies by DrNickMD, was published today, with 1/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and Graphic Depictions Of Violence, with additional tags "dark medieval mystery drama, Adventure Time AU, Roman Skies au, finn has imposter syndrome, monster jake is peak, lots of shipping (Prismo's doing), prohibited wish fic they write, scarab likes angst, Slow Burn, Exes, Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers. lovers to enemies to lovers to enemies again HAHA, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, time period is questionable, Queen Bonnibel is both nicer and meaner than she appears, Crimson is mean (period) sabuebouwq, Save me Spectro"

You can read it here:

FINN AND JAKE YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH !!! Monster Jake is always a win >:]c I am side-eyeing Queen Bubblegum and also EXCITED FOR WHEN CRIMSON MAKES AND APPEARANCE HEHEHEHEHE AND SPECTRO IS HERE shaking trembling for the prisjake I need it/pos

[fixfoxnox]

Luke, my beloved, my 13th reason of becoming the most wanted person in the world or crying into the pillow

I wanna bite you just like Roach in the latest chapter but in very affectionate way CAUSE MY SIRE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ALL OF US WITH YOUR STORY PLOT CHARACTERS AND YOUR WRITING AND NARRATIVE STYLES

I DUNNO IF I'M GOING CRAZY OR U PURPOSEFULLY MADE THAT IN THE BEGINNING ROACH (and we, audience) HAVE SOME KIND OF HOPE?? LIGHT???? DUNNO HOW DESCRIBE IT BETTER BUT THE BEGINNING IT'S SO PROMISING FOR GOOD THINGS TO HAPPEN AFTER THERAPY SESSION AND THEN THEY DONT HAPPEN UNTIL MEETING KÖNIG AND THEN WE AGAIN BACK TO THE SAD ANGSTY THOUGHTS :( WHATEVER YOU DID WITH NARRATIVE IN THIS CHAPTER IT BEATIFULLY HURTED MY FEELINGS

Also can I point out that our boy Roach likes too much to run 👀 He ran away in chapter 6 when he stumbled into Price while he was spiraling with the thought that Ghost must despise him (im not sorry for mesmorising every chapter by the heart) and now he wants to run again because he thinks that he is easily replacable

And oh can I as well say that I adore not only how fantastic you are at writing but also how you find time to respond to everyone in ask box <3 even though you tease us too much but I'm really in love with your communication with audience it's very adorable and endearing

To be fully honest with you guys the idea for this chapter kinda boiled down to "emotional whiplash" ajdnfnfnjff

I wanted to try to balance out the happy stuff with Roach struggling because I felt like it would kinda help the audience feel what he's feeling. He goes through moments where things are fine and, yeah, maybe there are some thoughts that slip through but, for the most part, its fine, then he'll just get hit with something that sends him down a bit of a spiral.

I'm very please to see that I have succeeded in this with some of you muahaha 😈

Also yes, lol, Roach really likes to run! Its a bit of a headcanon that I have for him that he's a very movement prone anxious person (so like pacing, bouncing his knee, shaking his hands out, etc) and when things boil over he likes to move because it helps to relieve some of that stuff.

Hence why he ends up running when he has the panic attack in chapter 6, why he goes to the gym at the beginning of this chapter, then runs again near the end. It helps him calm down a bit to have a physical outlet for his feelings because they end up overwhelming him otherwise. I'm actually super pleased to see that so.eone has noticed this cause I haven't really dived to deep into it in the fic :)

I also love interacting with you guys so much! It can be a bit overwhelming for me at times with the ask box, but I'm always going to make an effort to respond to everyone and eventually get around to the ideas that you guys send me.

You're all so creative and I love exploring all of the ideas that you guys send me as well as just getting to read your thoughts on the chapters or answer any questions you have! It, oddly enough, helps me not burn out on the fic when I get to explore some of these other ideas with you guys!

I know drabbles are coming a little slow right now, but I am working on them :) I have a little list of everything and my drafts are pretty full right now lol

💙💙💙

[twelvetm]

BOTH  OF  THEM  WERE  SILENT  AS  THEY  WALKED  BACK  TO  THE  TARDIS  .  the  weight  of  what  he  did  to  ashildr  playing  on  his  mind  .  a  lot  of  things  had  happened  .  one  of  the  more  problematic  being  that  he  had  finally  found  out  where  he  had  stolen  this  face  from  .  clara  had  walked  behind  him  ,  QUIET  for  the  most  part  before  speaking  out  about  it  as  well  .

‘  i  thought  i  recognised  your  face  when  i  first  saw  it  .  ’  she  had  said  .  a  frown  pressed  up  against  the  doctors  features  &&  he  turned  to  look  at  the  small  brown  eyed  human  .  she  had  her  arms  folded  as  she  walked  amongst  the  trees  &&  dirt  .  the  doctor  STOPPED  ,  watching  her  carefully  ,  unsure  of  what  she  was  going  to  say  next  .  ‘  i  never  said  anything  because  ...  well  ,  i  figured  there  was  some  WEIRD  timey-wimey  thing  .  ’  she  smiled  slightly  before  climbing  over  a  log  ,  coming  to  a  stop  in  front  of  him  .

‘  i’m  waiting  .  ’  he  said  .  ‘  though  ,  clara  oswald  -  you  have  seen  all  of  my  time  lines  .  you  WOULD  have  seen  caecilius  at  some  point  .  ’

clara  frowned  ,  looking  up  at  him  ,  as  if  piecing  together  the  memories  of  the  time  she  spent  in  his  time  streams  as  a  shard  ,  eyes  flickering  over  the  lines  that  creased  at  his  eyes  &&  his  older  features  that  burned  from  a  memory  that  existed  THOUSANDS  of  years  ago  .  a  man  whos  face  the  doctor  stole  .  to  remind  him  to  be  kind  .

‘  mm  .  yes  ,  you  have  his  face  TOO  .  ’  clara  finally  concluded  &&  the  doctor  frowned  down  at  her  .  with  a  sad  smile  ,  clara  moved  onwards  ,  arms  still  crossed  over  her  chest  as  she  moved  ,  trying  to  stay  clear  of  the  mud  .  ‘  i  meant  someone  else  .  ’  she  turned  her  head  back  to  look at  him  &&  pursed  her  lips  .  

someone  else  ?  the  doctor  stared  for  a  moment  ,  realising  then  that  they  had  been  walking  into  a  clearing  .  they  were  on  the  right  track  towards  the  TARDIS  ,  but  it  could  wait  for  just  a  minute  as  clara  explained  herself  .  he  was  so  sure  of  where  he  had  got  this  face  from  .  it’s  why  he  SAVED  the  little  viking  girl  .  it’s  why  he  made  a  ripple  in  time  .  because  he  had  before  .  he  could  save  one  frightened  person  .  &&  that  was  a  good  thing  right  ?  

clara  looked  at  him  with  sad  eyes  ,  a  flicker  of  remembrance   passing  over  her  face  .  ‘  sometimes  i  think  you  forget  the  world  you  sometimes  leave  behind  .  ’  she  said  .  ‘  a  few  years  ago  ,  there  was  an  invasion  .  they  called  it  the  4-5-6  .  torchwood  managed  to  STOP  them  .  but  politicians  were  going  to  sacrifice  one  tenth  of  the  child  population  to  the  aliens  .  whatever  for  ,  WE  STILL  DON’T  KNOW  .   ’

she  took  a  pause ,  obviously  studying  his  face  ,  waiting  for  a  REACTION  of  some  kind  .  but  he  ,  was  very  ,  very  good  at  hiding  what  he  was  thinking  .  though  he  felt  his  hearts  tripping  over  themselves  .  sometimes  ,  just  sometimes  ,  the  doctor  decided  to  turn  his  head  in  SHAME  of  humanity  .  the  4-5-6  invasion  was  one  of  those  times  that  he  chose  to  REMOVE  himself  from  the  timeline  .  he  had  heard  about  it  afterwards  .  he  had  seen  the  report  torchwood  had  made  -  keeping  an  eye  on  jack  from  afar  .  but  there  were  obviously  things  he  had  skimmed  over  .  he  let  clara  continue  though  .  not  interrupting  her  ,  wanting  to  hear  her  perspective  .

‘  there  was  this  politician  .  well  no  ,  he  was  a  high  ranking  civil  servant  .  ’ she  continued  .  ‘  he  was  directly  INVOLVED  for  some  reason  .  but  then  ...  ’  she  paused  ,  looking  up  at  him  .  ‘  do  you  really  not  know  ?  ’   she  asked  .

‘  &&  ?  ’  the  doctor  emphasised  ,  eyes  locked  on  her  with  a  stare  that  could  be  confused  for  ANGER  .  

clara  pursed  her  lips  &&  cleared  her  throat  .  ‘  he  pulled  a  gun  out  on  his  family  .  shot  them  then  pulled  the  gun  on  himself  .  a  massive  SCANDAL  .  he  became  the  scapegoat  .  a  lot  of  politicians  put  the  blame  on  him  about  the  children  .  everyone  saw  through  it  though  .  but  his  name  was  slandered  by  the  papers  .  family  were  put  to  rest  in  disgrace  .  unmarked  graves  if  i  remember  correctly  .  ’   she  stared  up  at  him  then  tried  to  find  his  eyes  ,  which  he  was  trying  to  avoid  her  gaze  .

‘  john  frobisher  .  ’  she  finished  meekly .  ‘  that  was  his  name  .  &&  i  don’t  know  but  ...  that’s  WHO  you  look  like  .  that’s  WHO  you  remind  me  of  .  ’

‘  john  frobisher  ?  ’  the  doctor  repeated  .  ‘  his  family  ?  ’

‘  wife  .  two  daughters  .  no  one  else  .  LAST  OF  THE  LINE   .  ’  clara  said  .  ‘  about  thirty  people  showed  up  to  their  funerals  .  most  of  them  his  wife  &&  kids  friends   .  bit  sad  really  .  ’

the  doctor  remained  silent  for  a  moment  ,  then  continued  to  walk  in  the  direction  of  the  TARDIS  .  which  was  coming  into  his  field  of  vision  .  clara  caught  up  with  him  .

‘  what  do  you  think  it  means  ?  ’  she  asked  ,  catching  up  with  him  .

‘  don’t  know  .  ’  he  LIED  .  

clara  fell  silent  for  a  moment  ,  shaking  her  head  &&  stepping  over  a  log  .  ‘  okay  ,  it's  official  .  silence  is  even  worse  in  a  scottish  accent  .  are   you  going  to  tell  me  what  you're  BROODING  about  ?  ’  

mind  racing  ,  the  doctor  realised  slowly  that  he  had  made  a  grave  mistake  .  yes  the  face  that  he  took  from  the  fires  of  pompeii  was  a  reminder  to  save  people  .  but  this  new  information  with  frobisher  ?  the  fact  that  this  might  have  been  time  rectifying  itself  ?  it  TERRIFIED  him  .  what  had  he  done  ?  actions  &&  ripples  &&  consequences  .  stupid  ,  foolish  ,  sentimental  old  man  .  the  doctor  scolded  himself  angrily  before  turning  to  clara  ,  her  expression  SOFT  .  he  shook  his  head  ,  reaching  towards  the  TARDIS  .

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. I have been unable to find a canon divergent AU where either after the golden core transfer or being dropped in the burial mounds WWX goes down the other side of the mountain and winds up being picked up by some master artists who were delivering their work and he apprentices under them rather than returning to the cultivation world. (I don't recall if he had amnesia or figured without a core he wasn't a cultivator so didn't want to return). Under a pseud his work becomes well known. He eventually meets up with LWJ, etc again but doesn't want to leave because his master was about to retire and he was going to take over. The only other thing I remember is I think Sunshot either didn't happen or was slower to begin? Any ideas what fic this is? @batinaburnouse​

FOUND! Away from Trouble by Ilona22 (M, 15k, wangxian, alternate universe, not JC friendly, happy ending)

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2. Hello. Can you help me find this fic, please. 🥺

WWX could jump between universes. And he found one where other him gone mad or something. WWX tried to save LWJ of that universe, but LWJ wouldn't leave, if his WWX die, he would die with him.

I'm not sure if it time loop or not, because somehow I think WWX had asked LWJ to leave about hundred times before. (These're dialogs I tried to write from my memory, it might not be entirely correct.)

LWJ: How many time have you asked me?

WWX: About hundred, and you never leave.

LWJ: You could be wrong. This time it might be different, I can save him.

WWX: I'm not, because I'm him. I know this because my Lan Zhan died and I survived. So please don't make me watch you die again.

That's all I can remember. Please can you help me find it. Thank you. 🥺🥺🥺😭

NOT FOUND! A Necessary Evil by @gravitywonagain (M, 870, Wangxian, Major Character Death, time travel, hurt/comfort but mostly hurt, I'm not going to lie this is all angst, not a happy ending)

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3. Trying to find a fic about weiying never raised by the jiang family but instead he was raised by gods and help defeat wen rouhan in order to became god himself. The sunshot campaign happens but no one knows who weiying is and disguise himself as a weak rogue cultivator so that he can defeat wen rouhan and destroy his life force which is a gem or something. This is the only thing that i can remember Its multiple chapter's and a oneshot. Please help me find this fic.

can the requestor confirm if it's a multi chap, or if it's a one shot ? maybe I'm not reading it properly but it seems to be saying it's both?

FOUND? Ch.9 of MDZS File Notes by Nika_Raven_Celeste (T, 18k, WIP, Oneshot/Drabble collection) there are a lot of oneshots but theres one of wei ying being raised by wind master and dark water and the second part of that one (chapter 9) is about Wei Ying entering the sunshot campaing to destroy near devastation!Wen Ruohan

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4. Hello mods!! For the next fic finder can i ask for help finding this one fic. I've looked everywhere  and scoured my history but no luck. It was time travel. Modern wwx time travels to the past after opening a diary/journal belonging to the YLLZ. The journal was sent to his home anonymously and it said that only the blood of wei ying can open it and since modern wwx IS wy he was able to open it and was transported to the past yrs after the seige but before mxy. The dead was also brought back since the journal's purpose was to fix everything. Then all them sit in a circle and wwx proceeds to tell everyone everything that happened since he read the journal. There was also a scene where wwx got angry cos sizhui wasn't calling him dad since in the modern time lwj and wwx are married with a son (yuan). M!Wwx also is friends w/ xue yang. Then it ends with modern wwx returning leaving a sad lwj who catches a glimpse of the future he always wanted.  Then the epilogue (?) is original wwx is resurrected and attempts to go to LP. Thank you!

FOUND? could be the deleted "Loving Future, Distant Past" by yareyarejojosan. Someone uploaded the author's works to Google Drive. It's the one in the second row.

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5. Okay this is where they ask you to find fics right? Well I remember one about a man who had made a diary/portrait book on WWX and published it to the cultivation world when WWX died. 13-16 years later he comes back and everyone loves and/or feels bad for him. He hears about it then at the end I remember him seeing NSFW artwork under the kingship floor boards. I’ve been trying to find it for almost a week now. I can’t even remember if it was on Ao3 or not. But I think it was. If you could find it or tell me if it was deleted I would be eternally thankful!

FOUND? In Exchange by FlautistsandPeonies (M, 8k, wangxian, major character death (WWX), The Power of Yiling Laozu Sexy)

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6. Hey I’m looking for this fix where it’s wangxian but at the start wen chao is being his usual self and harrasing Wei ying and to get away from wen chao he goes up to the really hot guy looking at a painting at a party(modern fic sorry) and asks him to pretend to be his husband and they get wen chao to back off that way and say they need to leave to take care of their son and go home after seeing Jiang yanli and a few others and spend the night together @fanfic-discussions

FOUND! 🧡feel it so strong (we don’t even have to say goodbye) by curiositea for lazulink (E, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Strangers to Lovers, Meet-Cute, Single parent WWX, Explicit Sex, Fluff, Happy ending)

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7. Hi mods! Thank you for all your hard work :)) I'd like to ask for help on looking for a fic where LWJ "dies" after being whipped and time travels to the Sunshot campaign. He meets WWX at camp but WWX acts different, talks to him sweetly, even sleeps in his tent and cuddles with him. LWJ think WWX is teasing but it turns out WWX is a time traveler too but from a more distant future where he was already married to LWJ. It's a short fic but still wholesome and cute. Thank you so much!! <3

FOUND? This sounds like More than a Dream of You by VoidRune (T, 8k, wangxian, canon divergence, time travel fix-it, sunshot campaign, hurt/comfort, pining)

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8. i think i read a fanfic like this once and it was hilarious

Wangxianficfinder help us out here plzzzzzz what is this fic? it was ao3 @xiaokuer-schmetterling

FOUND? Peacock (Kǒng què) by escapingaugust (G, 3k, XuanLi, disaster bisexual JZX, yunmeng trio, JZX keeps a diary, frankencanon, Fluff, Mid-Canon, Admittedly a tad bit of angst) Summary: Jin Zixuan is a disaster bisexual, and nothing will convince me otherwise. These are the diary entries he makes trying to sort out his thoughts about the Yunmeng trio.

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9. Hello!! I need your help, I lost a fic , I just remember that it was a fic where lan zhan created a imaginary friend when he was young and one day he met him in real life ( the imaginary friend being wei ying ofc!) Thank you 😭❤️ @moonie-majh​

FOUND? Catching Your Reflection Passing By by Suspicious_Popsicle (T, 9k, wangxian, magical realism, urban fantasy au, switching pov)

FOUND? a legacy of thorns by Deisderium (M, 31k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Imaginary Friends, WWX is a Wēn, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, What if your imaginary friend is real, And your enemies raised him, Pregnancy, canon typical terrible childhoods, Horny LWJ)

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10. Hello! I was wondering if you could help me find a crossover fic between TGCF and MDZS, I remember only a scene in which Hua Cheng finds a bloodied figure of Lan Wangji with everyone in town dead around him. And Wangji was like 'look what they have done to my A-Ying'. I hope this is enough to find it!

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11. Heyo darling Mods! It’s been some time since i came around here. I hope you all are well, safe and happy! I am looking for a fic that is kinda like tessalate by mellowflicker. I remember very well that WWX was running from someone and move there. He was extremely scared when someone tried to break in. Later they find that it’s JC. I also remember than LXC and NMJ came to visit and WWX was a bit shaken at first. Thank you!!!! @sandriya-artemis​

FOUND! We Get To Have This by ImTaakofromTV (M, 35k, wangxian, modern, fluff, happy ending, past child abuse, past domestic violence, panic attacks, self-worth issues, past home invasion, trauma, learning to trust again, light misunderstanding)

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12. hey!! im looking for a fic where wwx and the juniors are on a night hunt and lsz and wwx are keeping their connection secret but jin ling gets jealous so wwx announces "he's my son" to everyone?? there's a part where wwx plays up the doting dad bit to get everyone to stop treating lsz weirdly bc of his father. thank u!! @kisskissgotohell​

FOUND? Not Yet (There As Needed) by sunrise_and_death (T, 13k, wangxian, WWX & LSZ, LSZ & JL, post-canon, family bonding, dramatic revelations)

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13. hello mods!! when you have the chance, I've been struggling to find a fic and would greatly appreciate help from you and your followers! it was set in a mostly canon world before wwx dies, & wwx is pregnant with lwj's child but wouldn't be able to keep it so he travels to gusu to leave it with lwj. he gives birth right outside cloud recesses in the middle of the night, wraps the baby in his only outer robe bc it's super cold, maybe snowing, & leaves the baby on the porch of the jingshi before fleeing. lwj wakes up, find the baby, realizes what happened, and starts a search to find wwx. i hope that's enough to help find it!!

FOUND! A Scent of Pine in Winter by mondengel (M, 5k, wangxian, ABO, angst, childbirth, mpreg)

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14.. hello! i hope you guys are doing well <3 for the next fic finder i am searching for this one fic but the only thing i remember about it is this one bit where wei ying was in the cloud recesses library and a book fell on him (?) or something so he cursed but lqr heard and punished him and then lan zhan saw wei ying with blood on his head? i think and LZ made sure wei ying was never punished for things like that again. yeah that's the only part i remember I'm hoping you could help me find it 😭 thank you so much!!

FOUND! Mourning Robes by Starlight1395 (T, 17k, wangxian, No Sunshot Campaign, Arranged Marriage AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Depression, dissociating, Mild Blood, Fluff, juniors idolizing WWX like he deserves, slowburn between WWX and Cloud Recesses, Hinted smut, Jingyi has a CRUSH, Supportive JC, Mojo's Post)

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15. Hello, I need help in finding a fic from AO3. Wei Ying and Lan Zhan get a letter from Song Lang, asking them for help with a nighthunt. They go and find Song Lang and other villagers infected with a sleeping curse. At night they go in the forest and Lan Zhan dies, protecting Wei Ying. Wei Ying is grieving and tries to live on. It turns out, that Lan Zhan's death was a nightmare, induced by the monster. Thank you very much. @bluekittenfire

FOUND! more damage than a soul should see by Kika988 (M, 12k, WangXian, Heavy Angst, Whump, Post-Canon, Please see notes for specific warnings!)

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16. Hi for the next fic finder - can you please help me find a fic i read awhile back. Its wangxian post-canon with the incense burner. I think they can use the incense burner to see other realities or universes and cql wwx sees the novel lwj married to "someone else" which is really just wwx in mxy body. Eventually they are able to go into the other reality and he realizes thats it him all along.

FOUND? "body that" by surething that you can read on the Wayback Machine

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17. Hi!! Looking for a fic where wwx travels hundreds of years into the future and meets lwj and lxc’s reincarnations?

FOUND? 结局难更改 (the ending is hard to change) Series by PorcupineGirl (G, 50k, WangXian, Modern with Magic AU, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Reincarnated LWJ & LXC, YL WWX, Reincarnation, Secret Identity, Identity reveal)

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18. Hello! I am looking for a fic where the mountain goats pushes wwx too far that he commits (t.w.) sewerside? Then I remembered there were 2 ocs and that all the goats that hurted wwx were killed and that woman was wwx's mother (??). I also remember this being an characters watch the series au. Thank you and have a nice day!!

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19. I'm trying to find a fic in which, wangxian were about to have sex and they were trying something out with chenqing i think? But it turned out to be a 'bad' idea bc they were sentient and ended up being in charge of wwx and lwj during the scene

FOUND? Chenqing by Sectionladvivi (E, 8k, WangXian, Threesome, Canon Compliant, Sex Magic, Dubious Consent, Rape/Non-con Elements, Clone Sex, Selfcest, Anal Sex, Fingerfucking, Rimming, Oral Sex, double blowjob, Nipple Play, Nipple Torture, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Cuckolding, Bottom LWJ, Switching, Light Bondage, Spit As Lube, Painful Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, 69 Sex Position)

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20. I'm searching for a fic and I feel like I'm going crazy--went through 80 pages of AO3 history with no luck, but I know I read it. Almost sure I found it through the OG @wangxianficrecs around a year or more ago through one of the ff or itmf posts. I *think* it goes like this: very BAMF WWX, taking place post-Nightless City, has a better understanding/control of his powers because of his 2nd death, has godlike powers w/o negative side effects of resentful energy. Maybe in MXY’s body but not sure, just think there was a scene of wangxian in bed together in the CR and LWJ is worried about people knowing he’s WWX and how they’ll react. But it could just be that WWX didn’t die at all, or came back earlier than canon somehow. Some things I know still happened (LWJ still got whipped for defending WWX), but others are fuzzy (like maybe the Wen survive somehow?) I’ve read SO MUCH I wondered if I was conflating multiple fics like Imperfect Memory by Xantissa and help is on the way by Vamillepudding, but too many things that just aren’t right about either. In the one I’m thinking of, WWX remembers who he is, LWJ is quick to express his true feelings (having thought he lost WWX), and have them reciprocated. It was definitely M or E, there wasn’t really a sub/dom aspect, maybe some theoretical stuff about mastering death so it’s unable to take him, being immortal without needing a golden core.

~*~

Thanks for all the suggestions~

[anwritesstuff]

One last dance

pairing: hoseok x reader 

genre: strangers to lovers to strangers again

word count: 874

author's note: got this idea when cleaning my room a few months back when this song popped up soooo here’s a drabble based on the song “one last dance” by Thomas Ng feat. Milky Day; might go ahead and write a slow burn but idk yet, hope you guys like this xx

overall idea: hoseok & y/n have one last dance for closure of a relationship that could never be (or could it?) 

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆◆:*:◇:

He knew she was going to be there, he just wished she would come alone, maybe every bit as sad as he felt. After all, he was tired of hiding the sorrow of the breakup and to see some recognition akin to what he was feeling in her eyes would allow him to simply - break. It was his sister’s wedding and as cliche as it sounds, the person holding his heart was to be one of the bridesmaids. You see, y/n wasn’t just someone he could ignore or try to run away from in sheer hope that the inevitable heartbreak wouldn’t reach him. But alas, as most stories go, theirs had a beginning and an end. A start like no other with the juxtaposed feelings of the new year’s fireworks and the calmest Han river picnic in one of those days that everything just is, and that’s enough.

They met at a family dinner the Jung family was hosting in celebration of the new year back in ‘21. “You HAVE to come with me y/n, I won’t accept a no this time around!”. Making her best puppy face at her best friend didn’t seem to work because two hours later she was in the parking lot of one of the fanciest restaurants in Seoul and dressed to the nines and waiting to meet Jiwoo’s boyfriend so they can all go into the private room they were having the feast at. “Jiwoo ~ please don’t leave me alone once b/n comes, your brother is gonna be here and I’m so embarrassed already” y/n hopelessly said to her friend. “I don’t know why you’re so nervous y/n, just because you like his group doesn’t mean he’ll think anything of it, he’s used to people recognizing him. Also you’re not just anyone! You’re my closest friend, my family loves you and as far as Mickey is concerned, you’re as part of the family as this one here” she says pointing to her love-struck boyfriend with her know determination in her eyes. Breathing deeply y/n goes in, arms linked with her best friend as to not lose her but more so to ground her because she was about to meet the Jung Hoseok, in the flesh and it’s not like she didn’t want to meet him, she was thrilled but also aware of the “don’t meet your heroes” phrase even though she knew the rest of the family and found it hard to think he’d be anything but the amazing person they all seem to be. And so a bit (a lot) nervous, with an appetite and a kick-ass outfit she puts on a brave face and gets ready for a night she would never forget. 

The way Hoseok saw it, it was exciting to finally be able to spend the holidays with his family, eat a delicious dinner and then off to the family house for some needed sleep as the next couple of days would be nothing short of a celebration. The New Year finally gave him and the members a well deserved break (having filmed all their holiday content earlier in the summer as weird as it sounds) and now he could relax and enjoy being himself to the total extent of the word, it was going to be great. All of the sudden, he saw a new face come through the obnoxiously big double doors of the restaurant's room and before he could say anything he heard his mom. “Y/N darling! We’re so happy you were able to join us, we were wondering when we’d see you again, you’ve been busy with work-” and as his mom continued talking to this stranger who she seemed to know well enough to hug, he couldn’t help but stare at her, silently and adoringly. This was the last place he expected to meet anyone new really but he was pleasantly surprised nonetheless. See you would think that he’d be tired of always meeting new people and being active in most social environments he was thrown into, and he was - but this right here, right now, felt like destiny. He usually left all that lovey, destiny stuff to jungkook, for the maknae truly believed to his core that he would hear bells ringing when he met the love of his life. He now wasn’t too convinced he was wrong. From the entrance of the room he failed to notice his sister staring at him, a knowing smile on her face. “Hobi-ah! How are you? How’s everything going?” He snapped out of his trance-like state and turned to Jiwoo with a bright smile on his face and a faint blush on his cheeks, hoping she didn’t catch him, but he knew her too well to assume anything but. 

After warm hugs and a bit of catching up with her friend’s mom, y/n was left alone before Jiwoo called her to come and join the little group. “Hobi~ this is y/n, y/n this is my brother Hoseok”. Awestruck, both of them, and they all could see it but them. a stuttering, smiles all around type of meet-cute of two people that didn’t know were destined to be until this very moment.

[thefanbasewhore]

Oh Baby, Baby

Summary || Reader wants a baby, Bucky thinks becoming the winter soldier destroyed any chance for that.

Warning/content || kinda sad in the beginning but HAPPY ENDING, small Drabble, crying etc. Slight breeding kink?, Suggestive, implied smut

Paring || Bucky Barnes x reader

A small smile twitches at the corners of pink, full lips. Stretching the chin of his cheeks, dimples appear under the fullness of coarse thick hair as he hears slow, sluggish foot steps decend the stairs.

There's already a mug of steaming, hot coffee poured on the opposite side of the counter. He smiles as she enters the kitchen, sweater paws curling around the cup to take a sip. Bucky continues chopping an onion, no doubt for the breakfast he has planned, the smell of bacon filling the kitchen.

"Good morning, doll."

She nears the counter, hip to hip as she lifts from her toes to press a kiss against his cheek. "Good morning Lover."

Placing her coffee back to its original spot, she begins to crack the eggs already set out and ready to go, adding some seasonings and cheese before signing. It catches Buck's attention, raising one eye brow to peer up at her. "Is something wrong honey?"

"I want a baby." The words cause the former soldier to freeze, visibly stiffening as his mouth drops ajar. He's stunned, completely frozen under the mercy of her words as the knife falls from his grasp and the counter.

"W-What?" The words are spread out, unsure as steel blue eyes search for meaning in her own, for the lie or joke, but there isn't one.

"I want a baby, Bucky."

The metal appendage of his pointer finger accompanies whirling and clicking of plates as it presses into the red henley, into the muscular swells of his chest. "With me?"

"Well typically wives do have babies with their husbands." The words silence him again rather quickly and it makes her blood cold. He's still frozen in one spot, the bacon in the pan continues to sizzle as he gulps rather loudly. His uncomfortable stance, sad eyes say it all. "You don't want to have a baby with me Bucky?"

"I'm a former assassin, was brain washed for 80 years, not to mention I'm 106 years old. Why would I?"

The words sting, a little harsher then intended but she gets it, bites her bottom lip and refuses to meet his gaze.

Bucky notices the change in body cues, shoulders dropping, lip quivering despite how hard she tries to hold it in. "Honey, I'm sorry, I didnt mean to -."

"No, no, it's fine." She denies as she turns towards the bedroom and dismisses Bucky's touches and words. "I understand, I'm going to go take a shower."

Despite the thick cloud of smoke from hot water and the high pressure through the facet, Bucky sighs hearing the still audible sobs, thanks to super hearing.

***

She doesn't expect him to be sitting on the bed as the thick, hot clouds follow behind her so she chooses to ignore him, walk past without a word. It was still too fresh, she didn't want to talk about it, ruin the chances of Bucky being happy.

This is what he wanted, to be retired, just the two of them on a 100 acre farm, no Hydra, no superhero stuff and of course now coming up on their one year anniversary of being married.

"Why are you ignoring me?" She curls her towel closer as his arms reach out to clasp around her wrists, pulling her between his legs, pressing his weight back into the bed. "Don't be like this."

"I'm not being anyway, just forget about it, I don't want to talk about it." She answers with a huff, despite her words shifts the weight of her hip into his lap. Fingers play with the short brunette's hair, curling the hair at the nape of his neck, trying to calm his pounding heart.

"well I do." He answers, "you're upset."

"Forget about it, Bucky." She presses a sad kiss against his jaw, "It doesn't matter."

"I didn't mean to say it like I did." Bucky explains, lips finding hers with soft pressed apologies, pressing their foreheads together. "It came out wrong, was just caught off guard, sweetheart. The last thing I wanted was to make you cry. I just never thought about it. In the 40's yes, I wanted that but now... I'm just starting to find myself."

"I know, I don't want you to feel bad about it. I understand Buck." Smaller, gentle fingers cup his face, slipping under his jaw until steel blue eyes meet her own. "I shouldn't have even said anything, it's not fair to you. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Stop that." He mumbles against her temple and nuzzles the tip of his nose into her hair, pressing a small kiss there. "It's not unfair, it's normal. I can't blame you for wanting to be normal. I'm anything but, I just don't understand why."

"Why what?"

"Why you would want someone like me. Trust me around our baby, I'm a brainwashed, one hundred year old man."

"Was." She corrected, "was a brainwashed, one hundred year old man, it's been years Buck. It didn't work when Zemo tried or anyone else."

Bucky pauses, eyes fluttering as if he's thinking, guilty eyes not meeting her own. He's filled to the brim with it, it's fiery and pumping throughout his body, warming to the core. She should have these things, a normal husband, not one that wakes up from nightmares every night. He should have been able to drop to his knees and taken her right on the kitchen floor the moment she asked for a baby but he's filled with hear. Absolutely guilt-smashed, tipsy with blurring vision as small tears burn his waterline.

"What if someone comes for me? Hurts it? Or even worse one day he comes back." The emphasis on he makes is heart breaking . The winter soldier still lurking deep inside of him, he can never be one hundred percent cured. The dark memories and nightmares make sure.

"Don't cry Buck, please don't cry. It's okay, it's okay, we don't need to have a baby." Hands cup his cheeks so delicately, like he's a porcelain doll, one of her favorite judging by how her eyes shine. Pressing soft kisses of reinsurance against his jugular, forehead and corners of his lips. "All I need is you."

"You should have normal things. I'm your husband, I should be able to give you this if anything." He argues, sliding her hips closer for she straddles his thighs. Big, strong arms wrap around her body, rest on the posterior surface of her hips. "I want you to have everything. You should have everything, you're so good to me."

"Hey, it's okay. I have you." The tip of his nose leaves a burning trail across the skin of her collarbone and up until he can lay a kiss behind her ear.

"But you got me thinking now...Imagining coming home with you all big bellied, filled with my baby." A gasp falling from her lips as he pushes his hips up into her, the thick line of his erection heavy against her inner thigh. "And I agree, this farm is way too big for the two of us."

"Don't do this just because -."

He silences her with a deep, meaningful kiss, whispering against her lips. "I need to stop letting my old life hold me back. I've always wanted kids, I've always wanted a family." He pauses with another deep press of his lips. "I can't let my fear hold me back. There's nothing I want more then to have a baby with you."

A loud squeal fills the room as Bucky stands up, making sure her arms and legs are wrapped securely around his neck and waist. He nibbles at her skin and ear with a playful laugh, hands falling to cup the round swells of her ass. Her back hits the bed with a 'ooof' and Bucky is pulling the towel away with one swift movement. "Cmere, time to work on making you a mommy."

[flightlessangelwings]

Messy Pile of Affection ~ Part 4/4

Benny Miller x fem!reader x Frankie Morales

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: harassments, derogatory language toward reader and Frankie (nothing horrible tho, don’t worry), bar fights, protectiveness, fluff, love confessions, reference to smut, happy ending

Notes: Well this is it for the main part of the series and I’m so sad it’s over already cause I love this thruple so much! Thank you all so much for all the love on this and for wanting more from the original one shot!! I will be doing more in the future with drabbles and headcanons so be on the lookout for that too! Thank you to my beta reader @we-can-be-himbos!

Taglist in the reblog. If you’d like to be added, please fill out the google form in my masterlist. You can also follow my update blog @flightlessangelwings-updates​ and turn on post notifications if you’d rather do that. Moodboard made by me.

~

A month passed since the night you, Frankie and Benny decided to become officially exclusive and the three of you couldn’t be happier. Frankie had even practically moved in with you and Benny since he was always with you anyway. You all even met with Will and Santi to tell them the good news, and they were nothing but supportive, which made you even happier. Not that you doubted that your friends would support you no matter what, but the worry was always there in the back of your mind. If you were honest though, Will didn’t even seem that surprised, but he was always extra observant. 

It was fight night again, and you and Frankie were there to support Benny like you always were. You all definitely got looks whenever you all were there together, but you let it roll off. Benny was never one to care what others thought to begin with, and you were too happy with your boys to let others' judgment bother you. If it bothered Frankie at all, he kept it to himself, and you and Benny silently reassured him that everything was ok. 

You and Frankie stood at the bar together as you waited for your drinks while Benny was in the back getting ready for his fight. Frankie kept an arm around you at all times, and it warmed your heart how extra protective he was of you, and even Benny. No one even dared to spare you a wrong look when he was around. Not that anyone bothered to begin with, since everyone knew you were Benny’s girl. And now you were Benny and Frankie’s girl, and that was a title you wore with pride.

But your good mood was about to be completely spoiled.

“Hey sweetness,” a slurred voice interrupted your good time with Frankie, “I didn’t know Benny was into whores. How much for an hour?”

You shuffled yourself closer into Frankie’s arms, and he immediately pulled you away from the drunken man, “Hey man, back off,” he warned.

The man only laughed in Frankie’s face, “Hey, hey,” he raised his hands in surrender, “I just wanted to get in on the action, that’s all. Since Benny apparently likes to share and all,” he eyed you up and down with a look that sent a chill up your spine, “What do you say, sweets? I’ve been dying for a taste of that pussy forever anyway.”

He tried to reach for you but before you even knew what you were doing, you reached out and slapped him hard across his face. Both you and Frankie stood stunned for a moment, since you reacted before he even could. But, Frankie was quick to recover and he pushed you behind him and acted as a shield.

“You bitch!” the man roared as he lunged for you again.

But Frankie didn’t let him get close to you. With a shout, he pushed the drunk man away before he took two large steps and punched him right in the face. The man let out a pained cry as he stumbled backwards and fell to the floor. He made sure the man was incapacitated before he turned back to you.

“You ok, baby?” Frankie asked with concerned eyes as he rested his hands on your shoulders.

You were stunned for a moment, but shook yourself out of it when Frankie said your name, “Yeah,” you breathed, “I’m ok,” you looked him in the eyes for a moment before you added, “Thank you Frankie.”

He smiled brightly at you and the anger that was in his eyes melted away, “You don’t have to thank me, baby.”

Before you could say anything back, another man approached the two of you as a third helped the drunken man back to his feet, “What the fuck man?” one of them shouted.

“Who knew Benny’s whores could put up a fight too,” the drunken man spouted as he spit at you and Frankie. 

“Why can’t he just share the chick with the rest of us while he goes and gets himself some dick like we all knew he would?” the third man’s words stung as he hurled insults at you both.

“Go fuck yourself,” Frankie shouted back and you felt him tense as he held you close. You knew this would not end well, but there was nothing you could think of to do to stop it.

“Frankie, come on, let’s just go,” you stepped in front of him and tried to usher Frankie away, but you saw the fierce look in his eyes. It was something you rarely saw, and you knew when Frankie got like this it was not good. You had to diffuse the situation fast, and the best way you thought of was to just get him out of here. Not that you had any complaints about leaving either.

One of the men who confronted you two took the opportunity and grabbed your ass when you placed yourself in front of Frankie, but before you could slap him, he was suddenly pulled away from you. In a flash, he was on the floor several feet away from you and Benny stood between you and the men who bothered you and Frankie.

“Back the fuck off,” Benny warned with his fists raised.

That was when all hell broke loose. Benny launched himself at the men in a whirlwind of rage and shouts. He used his skills as a fighter and punched his way through the men without a care of the consequences. Frankie kept his arms around you to keep you shielded, but another man put a hand on his shoulder and ripped him away from you. Frankie easily yanked him off and hit him so hard he fell to the floor unconscious. 

You gasped as you backed away from the all out brawl that started at the bar. One of the bartenders called your name; it was someone you knew from how frequently you were there. You took his hand as he helped you hop across the bar and down into the safety that it provided. You stayed crouched but you still kept an eye on Frankie and Benny, who had teamed up and continued to fight off the drunken men who attacked you. Shouts, grunts, and smacks filled the room as chaos erupted everywhere. 

“Fuck, this is bad,” you mumbled to yourself.

“Yeah, no shit,” the bartender scoffed as he pulled out his phone.

You placed your hand on his to stop him, “I’m sorry about this,” you told him sincerely, “But let me get them out of here before you call the cops. Please.” The last thing you wanted for either of your boys to get in trouble, especially over a bar fight.

He sighed and put his phone down, “Alright, because I like you I’ll give you five minutes, but then I’m calling the cops,” he looked at you sternly, “And this cannot happen again, understand?”

You nodded as you gathered your courage to face the storm ahead of you. The bartender had seen the start of the brawl out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t make it over in time to de-escalate it. He was always kind to you and supported your relationship, but an all out fight in the bar couldn't be tolerated regardless. If you had a clearer mind, you would have understood, but now was not the time to dwell on that. You had to focus on getting your boys out.

Quickly, you darted out from behind the bar and found Benny first. He straddled the man who initially came up to you and started this whole thing and was punching him repeatedly in the face. You rushed over and grabbed onto his arm and yelled as you tried to pry him off.

“Benny! Benny!” you shouted, “Enough!”

Anger seemed to cloud his eyes until he blinked and saw your face in front of him. Benny relaxed his grip and opened his fist as he let you help him stand, “Baby,” he spoke surprisingly softly as he wrapped his arms around you, “You ok?”

“I’m fine,” you sounded panicked, “Where’s Frankie? We gotta get out of here.”

At that moment, the sound of grunts alerted the both of you to your third’s whereabouts. Frankie grappled with a large man and was locked in an intense fistfight. The man swung at Frankie, but he caught his fist and held him off. Benny rushed over and tackled the man while he was focused on Frankie and you ran up behind him and grabbed Frankie’s hand.

“Come on,” you spoke with urgency as you tugged Frankie’s hand.

The two of you reached out for Benny before he could land any more punches on the guy and you dragged your boys out of the bar. “Quickly, before the cops get here,” you said as you pushed them towards the truck, “Keys,” you ordered Benny.

It took him a moment to register that you said anything to him, but when you repeated yourself, he reached into his pocket and handed you the keys.

“Get in the truck, now,” you tried to sound as authoritative as you could as you ushered them in. Your hands shook as you hopped in the driver’s seat and started the car. Just as you pulled away and got on the main road, the sound of sirens could be heard in the distance as the cops finally reached the bar. Luckily, you got out just in the nick of time.

A tense silence filled the car as both Frankie and Benny shook with rage. You could tell from the corner of your eye that their shoulders were tensed and their hands were balled into tight fists on their lap. Silent tears filled your eyes as your thoughts ran a mile a minute, and you knew you wouldn’t make it home before you exploded. So, you turned off onto a darkened road and headed towards the park. If they noticed you took a different route, neither of them said anything.

You drove along the winding road of the park until you reached your destination. In the clearing was a large lake with a dock and a bunch of picnic tables along the edge. It was a nice place to enjoy a picnic on a sunny day, and Benny and Frankie had taken you here several times before. You didn’t even think about that though until you parked and turned off the engine.

“Both of you. Out. Now,” you told them through gritted teeth.

Benny huffed as he pushed the door open and hopped out. You didn’t see but he winced slightly when he landed, but he was able to brush it off easily. Frankie was quieter and exited the truck without a word. Both boys knew though that you meant business from your tone, since you had never spoken to them like that before and they gave each other a knowing look. You got out last and stomped around to the other side of the tuck where they were waiting for you. The boys took each other’s hand for a moment and gave a single reassuring squeeze before they let go and prepared for your wrath.

“What the hell is wrong with you two?” your voice wavered as you spoke, “Look, I appreciate you both defending me, but that could have been so much worse. Benny, you could lose your chance to fight there and then what will you do? You know they scout this place all the time and there goes your chance at something more. Or what if one of you got hurt? What if they pressed charges and it went on your record and you lost your pilot’s license, Frankie?”

“I don’t care,” Benny didn’t want to raise his voice at you, but he couldn’t help it with the emotions that flooded his system, “You think I’m gonna let them get away with that bullshit?!”

“We can handle ourselves, baby,” Frankie added in a softer but still strained tone, as if he had to almost physically fight himself to keep his cool, “But I can’t sit by and not do something when the ones I love need me.”

That made both you and Benny freeze, “What?” you both whispered as your shoulders visibly dropped.

Frankie took a deep breath; it was now or never, “I love you both,” the heart and emotion he put into those simple words made your breath catch in your throat and you felt Benny’s hand slip into yours, “I didn’t think I’d find one person, and here I am finding two.”

You gave Benny’s hand a squeeze before you stepped closer to Frankie and pulled him in with you, “I love you too, Frankie,” your voice was just a whisper as you cupped his face in your hand. Slowly, you leaned in and placed a soft but meaningful kiss on his lips before you turned to Benny, “And you already know I love you, even if you’re a hot headed pain in the ass sometimes,” you added with a giggle before you kissed Benny as well.

“I know, baby,” Benny mumbled against your lips, “And I love you too,” Benny broke away from you and leaned into Frankie and rested his forehead against his, “And I love you too, Frankie.”

Frankie closed the gap between their lips and kissed him just as softly as you did. He wrapped his arms around the both of you and pulled you in for a tight embrace. Everything else just melted away as you all held each other. The cool breeze blew by as  you noticed the moonlight reflecting off the lake, making the scene just perfect.

“How about we all go home?” you suggested in a hushed tone.

“Sounds good to me,” Benny replied.

“I’d like that,” Frankie agreed.

“And I love you guys, but please, just try not to get into more bar fights, especially over me,” you added with a short laugh.

“No guarantees on that, babe,” Benny said with a wink.

Frankie just laughed as he nuzzled you both closer before he finally let you go, “I’ll try,” he finally told you, “But I can’t make any promises either.”

You let out an exasperated sigh, “I guess that’s as good as I’m gonna get,” the three of you burst into laughter as you piled back into the truck and back home. This time, though, the atmosphere was calm and happy, and you knew nothing would stand in your way. Not when you, Benny, and Frankie were together. 

From the moment you all got home, the three of you didn’t leave each other’s arms for the rest of the night. Once you all walked through the front door, passions erupted and you all quickly made your way into the bedroom. This time, though, it felt different. It was heated and desperate and passionate, as if you all were afraid this wouldn’t be real in the morning. But, as you laid in bed between Frankie and Benny, you knew this was real. You all had found the loves of your life, and everything was perfect. Things may be hard at times, but as long as you all came home to your messy pile of affection that you loved so much, everything would be just fine.

[taechaos]

Web of Lies

from Textbook Love drabble series

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: drabble, smut, college au

synopsis: Soyeon is honest, Taehyung is using his last breaths to tell you the truth, and Jungkook is lying. It seems that everything you know boils down to Jungkook lying.

warnings: angst, panic attack, dry humping, the TINIEST bit of fluff

word count: 4.3k

Obstacles are inevitable in relationships; there’s always something that must go wrong. They can come in the form of arguments, disagreements, actions, or people like Taehyung. One physical obstacle that always knows when Jungkook is with you.

A few days after the fight between the two close friends, Taehyung’s nose somewhat healed and Jungkook doesn’t shy away from you as frequently. What’s the point when the people he tried to hide you from found out about his relationship with you anyway? The only reason he doesn’t approach you every time he sees you is because: 1. He doesn’t enjoy being clingy; that would mean he likes being around you all the time which he refuses to admit. 2. You would probably get tired of him and stop loving him. 3. He kissed your friend who always sits next to you outside.

Now that he’s taking most of his opportunities to talk to you, and maybe kiss you, Taehyung is growing restless. Every time Jungkook is with you, so is Taehyung. Some. Fucking. How.

To name one of the busts: when Jungkook was kissing you in the university’s hallway two days ago, Taehyung popped in out of nowhere and shouted, “Get a room, you sluts!” It made for a good laugh between the students, especially when Jungkook ran after him out of the building. 

Another time is when Jungkook was watching you work in the yard and Taehyung joined you two to ask about that “one hot friend of yours”. You ended up telling him about Soyeon and Minnie while Jungkook glared at Taehyung that conveyed a clear message: Don’t. So, he didn’t. It didn’t have anything to do with getting elbowed when you weren’t looking.

It was because that would ruin the fun, and he has a sense of purpose while roaming the entire campus to make his fourth bust of the week. He’s searched the hot and empty spots, but he just can’t find the passionate couple anywhere. If he can’t keep disrupting their displays of affection, how will Jungkook get annoyed enough to spill the truth to you? You deserve that much, and if you still accept him, then Taehyung’s out of the picture.

Why can’t Jungkook see that?

For starters, one of the reasons is Jungkook is distracted and growing very irritated by the heavy stare he feels digging into his skin. Who the fuck is watching him? He thought it would be nice to keep you company in the main campus library by controlling your hand under the table over his clothed erection while you skim through your textbook for a light revision, but a pair of eyes behind a bookshelf won’t stop glaring into his soul through thick frames that he can’t see. 

He blows out a breath and screws his eyes shut. His jaw clenches and you immediately catch on, worriedly asking, “What’s wrong?”

“Someone’s fucking watching me and I can’t get off,” he grits. Your cheeks heat and grow crimson when you glance down at your occupied hand, palmed by his bigger one in a tight grip. 

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper, “we can go to my dorm, if you’d like? Whatever you want.” In an act of comfort, you stupidly start caressing his length until he stands up. 

“Gotta confront the fucker.” 

Right when he raises his foot to take a step in the direction that his senses lead him to, Taehyung joins in on the mission. “Who are we confronting?” he asks casually with an arm over Soyeon’s shoulder, who is trying to suppress a grimace at the intervention. Jungkook glances at him and then your friend before sucking his teeth and rolling his eyes.

You grin brightly at the greeting and explain, “Someone's watching him. He’s going to find the stalker.”

“Might’ve been me, oops,” Taehyung raises his brows guiltily before slumping on a wooden chair adjacent to you, looking around the spacious area that makes him feel too loud. When he notices Soyeon still standing, he tells her, “come, sit,” and pats the seat next to him. She does so timidly. “Isn’t it so wonderful—”

“Why are you here?” Jungkook interrupts, but Taehyung continues, “—that we’re forming a friend group of our own? We’re all so familiar with each other.”

“Oh, Soyeon hasn’t met Jungkook yet.”

Taehyung narrows his eyes at you with a scrunch of his nose. “Sure about that?” Jungkook strides behind his chair and starts massaging his shoulders; a very harsh massage that has him holding back a wince. “Oh, Kook, that’s a bit rough. Tell me, is he like this in bed too?”

You gape at him in surprise, bashful because your lover doesn’t kiss and tell, and he doesn’t look too happy about it either.

“Tae…” Jungkook snarls.

“Well, is he, Soyeon?”

The library’s silence graces your table as everyone falls quiet, if you don’t count Taehyung’s groans at Jungkook’s bruising hold that is. Soyeon’s jaw drops and her eyes widen at the sudden switch in your gaze, searching for answers from her. “That’s not funny, Taehyung,” she breaks the silence with her blunt statement.

“Don’t mind him, baby, he has brain damage,” Jungkook spits and brings a hand up to Taehyung’s hair to yank it back. “I’m going to fucking kill you,” he whispers in his ear.

Your features begin to soften from its hard expression until Taehyung smiles wickedly at you. “Oh yeah, it wasn’t sex, was it? It was a tongue battle-” His voice cuts off the moment Jungkook starts choking him with his elbow, and his gags fall on deaf ears. Soyeon tries to push him off, but you’re just blank because Jungkook isn’t denying it; it was as if he was expecting it, trying to stop him all along. 

The sudden interest in your friend, the constant interruptions, the hits…

“Soyeon?” you call quietly with welling up tears. “Did you kiss him?”

Your best friend doesn’t lie, and apparently neither does Taehyung. Does Jungkook lie? You’re conflicted between living in bliss, ignoring the dying man in front of you because your boyfriend might have kissed Soyeon, and facing reality by asking the hard questions.

Her hands are still tugging on his shirt to save Taehyung, but her persistence weakens when she looks at you: guilty and… exposed? “I didn’t know it was him,” she confesses. It is indirect, and doesn’t reveal much except that she kissed the one man she wasn’t supposed to. 

“When?”

“The party,” Taehyung wheezes as he struggles against Jungkook’s arm, his nails drawing blood on his skin. His face is red from the lack of oxygen but he isn’t worried about dying.

“Oh, he put you up to this, didn’t he?” Jungkook speaks through clenched teeth to Soyeon. “They’re setting me up, and who the fuck is watching me?!” 

You stand up slowly and close your textbook with a soft thud, packing your materials so graciously. Your hands are shaking, but the tears blurring your vision don’t matter to you. Soyeon is honest, Taehyung is using his last breaths to tell you the truth, and Jungkook is lying. You sling your bag over your shoulder and trudge to the exit, counting your steps to calm down. You ignore Jungkook asking you where you’re going, Taehyung gasping for breath, and Soyeon telling him to leave you alone. It’s all muffled and you’re too sad to care.

It’s a case of he said she said, but your heart is siding with your friends with how painfully it pounds against your chest. Your trust in Jungkook couldn’t have been that fragile, could it? Why did it break with one sentence? 

Heavy footfalls follow you beyond the exit, but you’re too distracted by trying to move your legs steadily to notice. It isn’t important enough to distract you from someone calling your name though, or the light weight of a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Hm?” you say without looking up, frozen in your steps.

“A-Are you okay?” A smooth voice asks.

“I’m a bit sad,” your voice cracks and wavers from holding back a meltdown, “hurt.” You want to recognize the blurred image of the man standing next to you, so you blink and a tear sheds from each eye. “I told you to never talk to me again, Jimin.” You feel overwhelmed, and yet the memory of the blackmail has little impact on your mess of emotions, but it doesn't help you feel better either.

“Sorry,” he breathes, “I still don’t understand why, but you can do the talking for me. Wh-what happened?”

“Why do you ask? So you can use that against me too?” you scoff through the lump in your throat. Confusion washes his soft features, so you add, “maybe another handjob for it?” You shrug off his hand and continue your walk of shame. 

“I-I’ve never used anything against you, what are you talking about?” He’s chasing after you and it’s a bit of help in swaying your thoughts in a different direction, and your emotions towards anger and disbelief instead.

“Does a video ring a bell? The one you threatened to leak if I didn’t touch your…” You groan to yourself and quicken your pace towards your dorm. Maybe you could mope comfortably in there without the annoying presence of an arch enemy, who is feeding you more lies than you’re capable of consuming in one day. 

“What? I never— Listen, I deleted that video the second I received it. Whoever told you that was lying, please!”

It seems that everything you know boils down to Jungkook lying. His love was a lie too, apparently. Maybe the Jungkook you know is just one big fat lie who can’t seem to tell you the truth in any moment you’ve been with him. How many times do you need to hear from others and yourself that Jungkook is lying?

“I know,” you whimper and run off.

Once Taehyung catches his breath after coughing for a minute straight with a fresh bruise blossoming on his neck, he interrupts the hushed argument between Jungkook and Soyeon by asking, “Where’d she go?”

“I don’t know, but you’re going straight to hell once I fucking kill you for good,” Jungkook fumes with flushed cheeks. 

“If you die by murder, you go straight to Heaven. How do you not know this?” His voice is low from the assault and his throat aches, but he still attempts to lighten the mood. 

“I swear to fucking God, Taehyung—” Jungkook stops his threat when he sees Soyeon sneakily walking away. “Where the fuck are you going?”

“Air,” Soyeon vaguely answers.

“Bullshit.” Jungkook tries to go after her, wanting to be the first to find your dorm so she doesn't say more about that night, but Taehyung holds onto his wrist to stop him. 

“She needs time—”

“Fuck off.”

When Jungkook begins to walk off after yanking off his hand, Taehyung immediately searches around the room and takes out a pen from a cup on the reception desk before jumping Jungkook from behind just as he was about to leave. They struggle against each other and start rolling around, but Taehyung is driven by adrenaline as he grounds himself on top of him. He holds him down with his legs and uncaps the pen to start writing on his forehead.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Everyone in the library peeks at the commotion due to Jungkook’s loud yell, but neither of them pay mind as he tries to move away from the pen.

“See if she takes you seriously with dick written on your forehead,” Taehyung chuckles before sprinting off with him hot on his tail. Jungkook is stronger, but Taehyung is much faster as he loses him pretty quickly by hiding in an occupied lecture hall. The professor looks at him questioningly but he thinks fast and breathlessly asks the students, “Is Jeon Jungkook here? The headmaster is looking for him.” Some people search for him, but when no one makes a peep, he escapes the room and Jungkook’s wrath.

Now to go to your dorm before Jungkook scrubs off the ink…

“I didn’t know his name,” Soyeon murmurs while fidgeting with her fingers. When she came in the room, you were muffling your sobs with your pillow and all she saw was your jerking shoulders. She tried to comfort you, to hug you, but you weren’t exactly being friendly, and the setting is pretty much the same except she’s sitting on your bed while you still cry. “I asked people what he looked like, but it was just a description of every guy in the room. He wasn’t around for them to point at, and so I thought maybe he didn’t come. Then this guy kisses me on this couch, feels guilty about it, and tells me his name. I-I didn’t know it was Jungkook. He left for you anyway…”

Her attempt at consolation is fruitless because it only makes you cry harder. She rubs your back soothingly before standing up. “I’ll check up on you later. Let me know if you need anything, okay?” You nod against your stained pillow. 

The moment she opens the door, Taehyung’s fist misses her head by an inch. “Oops,” he says before gently pushing her aside by her shoulder and entering. His eyes fall on your fetal position first thing and he pouts at you. “Aw, baby—”

“She doesn’t want to talk right now.”

“I’m good company,” he dismisses her with a flick of his wrist, “you can go.”

She rolls her eyes before shutting the door, and it’s only you and him now. Your hiccups fill the room as he sadly watches you, a quiet sigh leaving his mouth. “I tried to tell you. Well, I tried to get him to tell you.”

“Y-You said,” you snivel against the sheet, “th-that he was whipped for me.”

I said that to get you to open up. Even in his head it sounds cruel, so he rethinks his response with a grimace. “Jungkook told me he liked you.” Maybe shifting the blame wasn’t exactly much better, especially since he told him that after the claim, but you have enough on your plate.

“H-He told me he loved me,” you hiccup, releasing your death grip on the poor pillow. It’s a mask rather than a silencer now. Taehyung widens his eyes to himself and purses his lips. He takes Soyeon’s former seat and turns you on your back. His heart sinks a little when he sees your face: red nose, heavy lids, bloodshot eyes and quivering lips with messy hair. You look really pretty to him right now. “He lies so much. H-He even made me give Jimin a handjob.”

“Made you?” he repeats with his thumb drawing circular patterns on your collarbone. 

You nod. “It’s a long story, and I don’t want to talk about it. It was horrible.”

His brows furrow at your tone. “That’s so fucked up... Man, you need to avoid him.”

“Jimin?”

“Jungkook. That’s too twisted, even for him. You’re an angel…” his palm reaches for your cheek and his thumb continues its soothing motions. “You didn’t deserve it.”

“Thank you,” you mouth and fresh tears brim as you try to swallow. It feels like you’re sick all over again, except there’s no misunderstanding to clear this time. He wipes a stray teardrop and smiles down at you; it’s a relaxing gesture. You close your eyes and hold onto his wrist, snuggling into his warm hand.

“I sound really cheesy, don’t I?” he chuckles. “Can’t lie, wish I had someone call me an angel after I caught my ex cheating on me.”

An involuntary giggle erupts from your mouth at his joke. “You’re an angel, Taehyung. An angel in disguise.” You peek at him before fluttering your eyes shut again. A pursed smile graces his lips, and he’s convinced he isn’t interested in you romantically, that it was just an invisible force drawing him closer to you, that he wasn’t the one aiming for your lips until a pound on the door resounds in the room.

You flinch away from his hand and he pulls back instantly; both of your heads shoot to the source of the noise. 

“Open up!” Jungkook yells and continues fisting the door. “Open the fucking door!” Taehyung holds a finger against his lips, signalling you to stay silent until he leaves. “I want to talk. Open the door… please.” Neither of you say anything.

“Fine,” he agrees, “don’t talk. I’ll talk, but at least give me a sign that you’re here.” Before Taehyung can stop you, you rush to the door and knock once. You hear him slide down the door, presumably leaning his back against it and sitting on the floor. “Okay. I’m sor— They were lying—” you slam your fist against the door in denial. “Okay! But they weren’t telling the whole truth back there. I was um… on drugs. I was really fucking high, okay?”

“Yet your high-self still managed to yell at me! Clearly you weren’t high out of your mind,” you snap menacingly. He flinches at your sudden shut-down; he’s never heard you yell at him before, nor has he ever been the victim of your anger. It makes his heart drop.

“That was like, three hours after I got high! I was practically sober, plus, you weren’t talking to me that day!”

“I had lost my voice! I didn’t want you to get sick—"

“I DIDN’T FUCKING KNOW THAT!” 

He gulps at your silence and inhales a deep breath to calm down. He hears you sniffle on the other side. “I-I didn’t know that. You wouldn’t kiss me, wouldn’t talk to me, and I didn’t know why. I thought you stopped loving me and… that really upset me.” He sighs to himself because he’s never opened up so honestly and it’s difficult, but he doesn’t exactly have a choice. It just feels so embarrassing.

Taehyung opens the window of your dorm and climbs out. You don’t see or hear it happen, too invested in your argument to even remember his existence. “Do you remember what I told you the night we did it for the first time?”

His face scrunches as he tries to replay the events beside the sex. The corner of his lip tugs upwards when he recalls you calling him a slut, but he’s still clueless as to why you’re bringing it up. You don’t leave him in the dark for long. “I told you I wouldn’t forgive you a second time.” He gnaws on his lip as his palms feel clammy with nervous sweat. 

“W-We weren’t dating then,” he tries to justify. “I didn’t need forgiveness then. You’re so unfair!” He stands up and knocks with his fist again. “Let’s talk it out face to face, I’ll explain everything. You’re putting me at a disadvantage! Don’t you want clarity? Don’t you want this to work out?!” He starts chanting your name when you don’t answer. “I will break down this fucking door if you don’t open it,” he doesn’t sound nearly as intimidating as he usually does when threatening; he sounds more like he’s a second away from breaking down himself. “No, no… please. I-I’ll kiss another girl if you break up with me! You don’t want that, right? So just open the door.” 

His tough façade crumbles the longer you ignore him, and he can’t believe the heavy weight he feels all over his body wants to leave in the form of tears. It stings in his eyes but he doesn’t dare let them fall. “You’re so fucking cruel!” He twists the door handle violently; desperately. A dry sob escapes him as he kicks the door one last time. “Oh God, oh God…” he tries to breathe but it doesn’t enter his lungs. It’s like being choked with a noose as he gasps and a tear runs down his cheek. His wheezes become so loud that you start hearing them and grow concerned.

You consider the possibility that it’s one of his tactics, trying to manipulate you, but you open the door anyway. It’s a slight crack and you barely get a look at him before he pushes it open completely and forces his way in. He sits on your bed and his shoulders hunch, breaths still shallow. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t like her, never did, I only— I was mad, and I couldn’t go through with it, and I’ve never shown you affection b-because I’ve only ever received it from you—” you hush his rambling with a hug, but he continues with his head against your stomach anyway, “I’ve never been in a relationship and I’m a fucking mess and I understand why you wouldn’t want to be with me, but please don’t leave me. I’ll do my homework, I’ll stop being mean, I won’t even talk if you don’t want me to, but please don’t stop talking to me.”

“Jungkook…” you trail in shock. “I’m here. Take a deep breath.” When he tries, it’s so shaky that it makes you tear up for the umpteenth time. You’re a mess with him. “In and out, love, in and out.” You would do it with him like an instructor, but it’s not possible when he’s squeezing your waist so tightly. It takes a few minutes for him to relax his grip and he looks up at you pitifully. “It’s okay,” you assure and pet his hair, “you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“I love you most,” he exhales. “I mean… I realized that night, that I only want to be with…”

“I get it,” you whisper to comfort him, knowing he has struggles with expressing himself, but he doesn’t stop. He wants to get it off his chest, and he quietly tells you, “I kissed another girl when I wanted to make you jealous, and then another to forget. I don’t want to do that, I mean I only want to kiss… you.”

You initiate it first by leaning down to peck his lips, and you don’t pull away too far. You peck him again, and then start kissing him. He’s never been this slow with you before, but the panic attack must have drained him. It’s the way that he doesn’t immediately turn it heated with the intent of taking it to the third base that warms your heart. He’s hesitant and taking his time, mindful of your reactions because you’re in control for once. You’re aware of how vulnerable he is being with you, and he conveys that with the gentle press of his lips. 

He whimpers into the kiss, and it’s so quiet and mournful that you lean back but he chases after you. He doesn’t want to stop like you’d assumed, so you place your knees on either side of him and hover over his thighs. Even his hands are hesitant as he lightly sits you down on his lap by pulling your waist. You smile against him and with his submission, you swipe your tongue across his lip. He opens for you. You roll your tongue around his, and he eventually begins to suck on yours. There’s a pit in your stomach that confuses you; is it arousal? Flattery? You feel so special because you know he hasn’t been like this with anyone else; so powerless and passive.

It’s passionate. You inch your body a little closer to him and he grunts when you brush against his crotch before settling down. This isn’t about sexual needs, and you don’t treat it as such but your body has a mind of its own with its constant shuffling that turns him on. He doesn’t want to feel that way, but his hips have a subtle way of thrusting beneath you. His hums rumble and you kiss him harder, losing all your senses except for the warmth of his skin. You don’t notice him controlling the movement of your hips because he’s taking it slow, and you don’t need to know why he’s quietly moaning into you.

At least no one’s watching him now. 

You pull back in surprise when he groans loudly, and you know he’s back to himself as his actions grow rough. You’re practically jumping when he grinds on you with his spit all over your mouth because of his explorative tongue. From past experience, you’ve figured out that Jungkook is more honest when he’s in the heat of the moment, so you inquire against his lips, “Why did you lie to me about Jimin?”

“That fucking freak,” he growls, “I needed a reason to get you to hate him. He didn’t stop you when it happened, did he?” 

Still manipulative. “Will you do the same with Taehyung?”

“No, I,” his thrusts slow down, “I’m gonna, err…” He looks at you for help.

“You’re gonna be a good boy and talk things out with him, right?”

“Right,” he breathes, “talk.” He slams his lips against yours again, and it’s not long before he sighs at his climax with your cooperation. There’s a small patch growing on his pants through his underwear, and he cusses when he notices it. He pecks you one last time before hugging you and laying on the bed, cuddling you like a blanket. “Do you forgive me?” 

You rest your head on his chest and feel his pulse to contemplate. He brings a hand up to your hair and starts running his fingers through it, unbothered by your lack of answer. “I’ll make it up to you,” he says. “Do you…” he clears his throat, “do you maybe want to have dinner with me?”

“Like a date?” you tease with a grin.

“Yes.”

“There’s my answer,” you lift your head to wink up at him. “But if you test me again, I’ll break your heart just as you did mine. Don’t worry though,” you whisper, “I’ll never leave you.”

[jikookpancakes]

JIKOOK FIC RECS that no one asked for (2021)

but im giving anyway because THE TALENT IN THIS FANDOM IS INSANE

long post incoming!! this is probably just part 1 because i wont stop reading anytime soon so i’m inserting that link just in case i do make another one in the future

What’s a Soul Really Worth, Anyway? by thisneedsmorefilth - 130k words, fantasy, demon!jm, witch!jk, listen, this and the next one are my top 2 jikook fics of all time, so well-written, plot so exciting legit reads like a book, better than a lot of books tbh, the world-building is INSANE, jungkook and the gang accidentally summon demon!jimin and chaos ensue, especially for jungkook...and you know why!!!, so funny, angsty, cried so much, happy ending but listen to me: you gotta read the sequel too, YOU GOTTA.

Militat Omnis Amans: The Beginnings by edaen - 92k words, fantasy, werewolf!jk, vampire!jm, forbidden love, super slow burn but super worth it, JIKOOK IN THIS IS MY FAVORITE JIKOOK IN ANY FIC EVER EVER EVER, this is the ultimate all or nothing will freeze hell over for the other kind of love, and the way this is written is just so... how do i describe it. like you can just tell the author wanted to be very realistic with their feelings. you’ve seen the word count, this is SLOW burn. like you will legit feel their struggle to just be able to love each other and while it hurts, it’s also SO GLORIOUS. i love this one so much and if you like reading angst with happy ending but like cranked up to 200% then read this. bonus feels if you read the whole series

Until Dawn (series) by edaen - this is the long series where the previous one above is part of. highly rec if you love fantasy and you wanna read about bts being a rag tag group of supernatural beings fighting evil yay. also it makes the above fic more satisfying because you see more of jikook just being tgt and in love (with bonus angst because of course)

7 Signs by NamHyora - 27k words, secret spies au, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm who is always used as a raven in their operations aka they use jimin and his attractive self to attract people and gather information or acquire targets and all that spy stuff, and his bestie alpha jk is not too happy about it hehe, friends to lovers, iove this one so much i wish it was longer but i think the author is planning to write a sequel!

Drop Like Confetti by annie_vi - 110k words, ceo!jk, age difference, age swap, ahhh i love this fic so much cause jimin smart and mature and has this no bs attitude, and he can keep up with jk despite the age gap and the difference in status/experiences, jk sexy dilf in this one eheh, i love it cause the drama/angst tackles a very real concern for such couples, like there’s no angst just for the sake of having angst, it really makes sense where they’re both coming from, they’re so whipped for eo too so love that for me

Fold it Up Like Origami by annie_vi - 99k words, gamer!jk, model!jm, same author as above and jk is so boyfriend goals in this one and in all this author’s fics in general like wow my standards are so high now i will legit be single forever just reading jikook fics (with no regrets), secret relationship due to their celeb status, well-written as usual, dialogues/banter in this author’s fics are just YES

The Tournament by kinkmins - 34k words, prince!jm, bodyguard!jk, abo, i’ll paste part of the summary here “Prince Jimin gets ready to hold a tournament where 50 alphas compete for a chance to court him, his father the king hires a new bodyguard who is a little too blunt and a little too talkative.“, i really love this oneeeee

Screwed Up and Brilliant by annie_vi - 113k words, escort!jk, jimin needed a date for a work event and in comes jungkook, escort extraordinaire with a no sex rule and jimin is just dasdkjfhasl, a lot of that “is this real or is he just acting” kinda angst, fluff smut angst

Like Everything Glows by annie_vi - 180k words, merman!jm, aquatic vet!jk, ok this is like my 4th rec from this author just read all their fics you’re welcome, this is their first fantasy fic but soso good, i rec’d this to someone who doesn’t really read fics and she really loved it and said “their love is so pure hhh”, she’s right

Track one: I love you by honeydice - 30k words, they’re “just” best friends, lots of pining it hurts, there’s some yoonmin and mentioned past jinmin in this so just noting in case, angst, denial of feelings, siiiiigh

InYou by edaen - 4k words, pwp :), abo, the morning after jikook mating, more sexytimes ensue + fluff

Falling For You Again by Rose_gold715 - 30k words, amnesia au, jk forgets about jimin and idk just something about this hits right in the feels. btw i don’t support the jk hated jm before in real life agenda so i don’t like this fic for that reason but i like this fic because i love me some good painful angst with happy ending.

The President’s Son by AmeliaBedelia - 55k words, bodyguard!jk, president’s son!jm, jk is assigned to shadow jm bc his life is under threat, and things develop :), jm is jk’s gay awakening :) :)

A Touch of Sin by pettey - 102k words, fantasy au, police officer!jk, supernatural!jm, shamanism, LOOK AT THE RANGE OF JIKOOK WRITERS YALL, this is such an interesting concept, so different from every other fic i’ve read, really well-written, sometimes you come across fics and you cant help but go “someone out there rly blessing me with this art for free”

Tears to the Tide by haromame - 65k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, honestly there’s not a lot of abo elements it’s focused more on jungkook having ptsd as he just came from war, established relationship jikook, he comes back home to jimin and things have just... changed. except their love ok THEY LOVE EO SO MUCH this made me cry so f much ugh so good tho.

Zero Hour by edaen - 5k words, canon compliant, a little drabble based around rosebowl jikook, it’s part of a series/collection of canon compliant jikook so if you’re looking for more canon compliant here you go!!, also if you can’t tell already i tend to like several things from a single author, i haven’t read their other fics im legit saving for sad days but i am confident enough to say their other fics are also rec-worthy.

Wonder by wordcouture - 7k words, im sorry in advance, mcd :( pls take care of yourself, i don’t like sad endings ok i don’t, but this is so popular and i was like, ok let’s see what the hype is all about, i get it now, :((((((((((((((((((((, well-written tho, bc the author will manage to crush your heart in just 7k words ha ha

The Omega Revolution by PinkBTS  - 158k words, abo, alpha!jk omega!jm, dystopian au, the hunger games more specifically mockingjay vibes, angst with happy ending but there’s some...things... lost along the way and i think that’s realistic for a dystopian war au, well-written

Blind Switch - 226k words, jockey!jk, rich spoiled brat!jm, jm gets exiled to his grandparents ranch where he meets jk yeehaw, im sorry for the yeehaw, anyway fluff smut angst enemies friends to lovers hurt/comfort slow burn happy ending, all the good stuff, ugh jk so boyfriend goals, also the amount of fluff in the later chapters thank u writer

Finally by Rose_gold715 - 12k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, angst with happy ending, jikook mate out of convenience and jimin runs away from jk and his pack feeling unloved and outcasted, but jungkook goes after him :((

Park Jimin’s Guide to Good Housekeeping by Ashlyn17 - 235k words, fantasy au, when i say jikook has the best fic writers i mean jikook has the best fic writers because THE WORLD-BUILDING in this one?, THE PLOT TWIST?, yesyesyes, jungkook is a powerful fae and jimin is assigned to be his housekeeper hehe, listen my entire fic rec has several that could be great netflix shows and this is definitely one of them

A Spell That Reminds Me of Your Name by Chimneycricket - 42k words, wizards!au, enemies to friends to lovers and the development felt natural, well-written plus the author sometimes makes art of their fics and other jikook fics and posts on twitter, both their fics and art are so good, i’ve heard good stuff about their other fics too :)

that’s it for now!

just a quick one about my preferences: idc about tops/bottoms, i read just about anything but i prefer fantasy and multi-chaptered fics, i love established relationship jikook so hmu with recs anytime, i don’t like reading anything with cheating and mcd, i love fics where jk and jm are just so friggin in love they are just IT for eo, and at the end of the day even if there are elements to the fics i wouldn’t normally read, as long as they’re well-written then i’m all for it