#↝ 🐇 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚜 ( anonymous )

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: Hello, Captain. Could I bother you for a truth? What is your favorite pastime, now that you're out of the loop? [ truth or dare time! ]

THE CAPTAIN IS, INDEED, BOTHERED. they, quite literally, have no interest in entertaining questions like this. they feel pried at, overly seen. they don't appreciate having an audience. but here you are, and there is your question, and they suppose they need to answer it.

"i really like food." mostly things with strong tastes, things that are exciting and flavorful. they love sour candies, they're not at all intimidated by spice. "watch a lot of movies, too. mostly the bad ones." they can get behind a good book, sometimes. but it depends on what it's about. they loathe a romance. "mostly, i just keep to myself. it's nice to be able to sit around and do nothing, for once. i'm taking it slow. i'm tired of fast-paced. i'm tired of always having to do something, always needing to be somewhere." their eyes travel over you, from the top of your head to the soles of your shoes. " ... always having to answer to someone."

their eyes narrow. you suspect it might be best to back off, now.

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: captain, truth. did all of them really deserve it? [ truth or dare time! ]

warning: i normally wouldn't put these at the top for an ask but i feel like i have to for this one. please be advised that this ask discusses a pet being unalived. there is also a lot of aggressive + negative language directed at animals, specifically dogs, in general.

THE CAPTAIN WATCHES AS YET ANOTHER HAPLESS, HOPELESS HUMAN COUPLE MARCHES PAST THE CAFE WINDOW. the tiny wooden stirrer they've dropped into their cup of tea threatens to snap between their fingers as the two pause before exiting their sight. what delays them, to the captain's visible distaste, is how eagerly their large, boorish dog is sniffing at the potted plants that decorate the cafe's stoop. they're laughing, clearly amused by their beast's stupidity.

they try to ignore the way their stomach twists when the thing lifts its gaze and those black, thoughtless eyes meet theirs. the creature barks. it fucking barks, and the stirrer splits in two, the lower half disappearing beneath the surface of their earl grey. they feel the way their lips form a snarl, and the only thing that keeps them from losing this little staring contest of theirs is the fact that the owner of the dog tugs on its leash. the captain sees as the owner says something, though they cannot hear it through the window, and the mangy little shit is redirected.

even as the trio finally leave the captain's sight, the look on that dog's face seems burned into the backs of their eyelids. they pinch the bridge of their nose. a migraine is starting to develop. they knew they shouldn't've come here. not right now, not when they've been feeling like this. it was just a dumb fucking animal, why were they letting it bother them? they had far more important things to worry about than some pathetic, brainless little mutt.

GUILT IS AN UGLY LOOK ON YOU, CAPTAIN!

they have to get out of here. they don't look too hard at the bill they leave on the table, uncaring if it's too hefty for their meager tab. their cup is trashed with shaking hands, the captain unrepentant as they elbow a stranger out of the way so they can get to the door.

every time they so much as blink, THEY SEE HER. it stabs like a knife between the ribs, whether they want it to or not. a few steps more, and they're out in the middle of a field, away from civilization. lost amongst fields of tall grasses and weeds, they collapse into the brush, clutching at the dirt with gloved hands and asking the space between them and the earth why, why, why?! they can find even an ounce of affection for a STUPID FUCKING DOG!

as the tears begin to sting at the corners of their eyes, they can't help but remember hers. they recall all other members of the crews' helpless, hapless looks so fondly. but hers? they would lie if you asked, but they'd made it quick. painless and swift in a way that none of the others had been. they would never tell you how it'd been a mercy, because sparing her would have meant slow and agonizing starvation, and keeping her would have meant dredging up a kind of affection they could not find themself capable of for any being on that ship, even her.

did they all deserve it, you ask? no, she didn't.

THE CAPTAIN SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS, to the point where they ache from the strain.

they do not regret what they did. they will never apologize. they will never wish that they could go back and alter the past. but to pretend that there was not even a single cost would be a lie, and you have forced the truth.

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: [hands hare the world’s smallest violin] for next time you see actor. [ hand my muse something to see how they react. ]

a small smirk spreads its way across hare's face. their amusement is obvious, and you realize quickly that your reference has landed spectacularly. they pocket the trinket, explaining [ THAT'LL MAKE FOR A GREAT PROP. ] their next go at being a nuisance just got a lot funnier.

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: hands u a frog [ hand my muse something to see how they react. ]

they do not seem perturbed, simply remaining still as the frog settles onto their hand. it croaks, and hare cocks their head to the side, studying the thing, clearly fascinated. should you speak, you would be ignored, the frog obviously the favored object of hare's attention in this moment. they drag a fingertip along its back, sighing a soundless breath of wonder.

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: hey captain, rumor has it there’s always a bear somewhere, stalking you, waiting for your guard to be down. are you prepared against the bears? [ send in a rumor and my muse will confirm or deny it ]

hare looks equal parts exhausted, and reluctantly fond. while most of that year was (and still is, sometimes, whenever the story bends in the direction of the spiral) fairly unpleasant and dull, there were parts of it that had proven mildly entertaining. not that they enjoyed admitting it.

[ JUST NEVER GO OUTSIDE, ] they advise, all but sagely. [ BUT INVEST IN A TREADMILL. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'LL HAVE TO RUN FROM THE BEARS, AND IT'S A GREAT PLACE TO PRACTICE BOTH RUNNING AND PUNCHING. ] that day had been pretty damn funny, but only for hare. [ IF THAT'S OUTSIDE OF YOUR BUDGET, THOUGH, I'VE HEARD THE PRESIDENTIAL FITNESS TEST IS A GREAT SUBSTITUTE. ]

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: hare how many hot dogs do you think you could eat in a hot dog eating contest? cause I heard a rumor it was ten. [ send in a rumor and my muse will confirm or deny it ]

just because hare doesn't really need to eat unless the narrative calls for it, doesn't mean that they can't. nor does their namesake imply anything about the quantity that they're capable of tucking away.

you begin to worry that you've offended them somehow, the thought striking you right before they suddenly shrug and answer: [ TWENTY-ONE, ACTUALLY. ]

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: hare is it true that there’s a demerit for being too handsome, and how many times have you given it to your head engineer? [ send in a rumor and my muse will confirm or deny it ]

a moment passes, then two, where hare doesn't answer, staring at you blankly. then, suddenly, a thoughtful look appears on their face. brows furrowed, they appear to ponder a response, then hold up a finger as if to say ah-ha! proudly, they nod their head once, and sign your answer: [ YOU KNOW, THERE IS. BUT I'VE ONLY EVER HAD ONE OCCASION, ONE VERY SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE, WHERE I'VE NEEDED TO HAND IT OUT. ]

they let their words hang between you for a breath or three, building up anticipation. finally, grinning: [ I JUST HAD TO GIVE IT TO CHICA THE OTHER DAY. IT KILLED ME TO DO IT, BUT REALLY, SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER. ]

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: rumor has it that you and mark are getting married!! did my invite get lost in the mail? [ send in a rumor and my muse will confirm or deny it ]

hare's cheeks turn a bright shade of pink. they hurriedly move to shake their head, hands waving between the two of you as if they could knock your words from the air itself. is the head engineer around? he better not be, not while you're saying stuff like this!

while the answer itself may be genuine, the embarrassment on the captain's face makes it seem like there is something left unsaid.

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: I heard a rumor that you’re the trix rabbit in disguise. no cereal for you! [ send in a rumor and my muse will confirm or deny it ]

hare rolls their eyes, clearly unimpressed. you get the distinct feeling that you aren't the first person to have ever made such a joke, nor will you be the last. more to spite you than anything, their response is a simple shake of the head — denying you any pleasure that might come from a more dramatic reaction.

[splittinghares]

[ lighter ]   my muse  pulls  out  a  lighter  and  lights  it  for  your  muse  to  use  to  light  their  cigarette - Yancy

( word prompts compilation. )

       —       hare leans forward and accepts the offered flame. the two of you are smoking your cigarettes, anyhow; hare figures they might as well bum a light off of you, too. after taking a good drag, they remove the cigarette from their mouth between two fingers, and give you a smile.

       —       they nod once, and nudge their elbow into yours. it’s clear, even without words, that they appreciate your generosity.

[splittinghares]

✔ Are they holding a grudge against anyone?

( horrific headcanons. )

       —       a grudge? no. to call what hare has a grudge would be a huge oversimplification of the matter. what hare has is an acute understanding that their fate lies in the hands of one man, and if that man were to suddenly, oh, i don’t know, lose those hands, hare would not be particularly torn up over it.

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: Truth, Hare. What do you want? [ truth or dare time! ]

there is a melancholy within their eyes that belies their youthful appearance. a kind of age, a depth of knowing that would take countless years, innumerable, for someone to achieve. so many things unsaid, most of them because hare does not know how. because if they did say them, all those words would bring is ruin. and they are the savior, not the destroyer. (right?)

when they finally answer, it's with a whisper. hare speaks aloud so rarely that you almost aren't ready for it. yet, so-softly, you're able to make out their reply: "i just want it to stop hurting. i just want to be okay. i can't keep doing this. i'm supposed to be free. so why don't i feel it?"

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: hey hare, i think you need to hear that you’re doing your best, and that everything is going to work out in the end, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. it’s all going to be all right at the end of the day. [ on anon, tell my muse what they need to hear. ]

hare pushes a hand up through their hair, drawing errant tufts of white hair out of their eyes. it falls right back into their vision, but they don't make another effort to remedy this. [ DID YOU READ THAT ON THE BACK OF A CEREAL BOX? ] there's a kind of weariness to their movements, a lack of energy. at the same time, there is an absence of the critical, necessary hope that would make your words believable. [ CUTE. BUT A WASTE OF BREATH. ]

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: you ever think of having a nap? i think you should have a nap time. here's a blanket. [ on anon, tell my muse what they need to hear. ]

hare frowns, holding the knit afghan in their hands and inspecting the intricate patterning of its strands. after a few moments of this, they drop it unceremoniously between the two of you, and nudge it away from themself with a foot. [ I DREAM ENOUGH WHEN I'M AWAKE, THANKS, ] they answer, lips curled in a way that resembles disgust. with an attitude like theirs, you're probably right — but their pride and petulance stands right in the way of any such rest.

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: you’ll escape. you’ll find love — real, true love. and you’ll be happy. [ on anon, tell my muse what they need to hear. ]

their lips form a tight line, their stormy eyes looking all the more like the sky before a hurricane. normally, a comment so ludicrous would evoke a kind of humor that cut like acid. your cardinal mistake was mentioning that four-letter word, so easily tossed around by one man in particular. it leaves a rotten taste in their mouth. [ SHUT UP BEFORE I MAKE YOU. ] it's a threat and a promise.

[splittinghares]

anonymous asked: your writing is SO good at making me feel things, you’re really good at making me care SO MUCH about this character i knew nothing about two weeks ago. the world and the character feel so REAL [ anonymously send me your favorite detail about how i play my muse. ]

this is legitimately so sweet oml. i struggle a lot with having confidence in not only my characterization but my writing in general, so this is genuinely such a kind thing to say. i try very hard to convey emotions as clearly through the text as possible. markiplier's egoverse provokes a lot of feelings in me, and i try to translate them into my text. im so glad that my work can move you! thank you for this. <3