#← which would make me look like a weirdo dweeb

[vriendenboekjes]

the voices in my head are telling me to grow out my hair

[jacegem]

1. I tend to go with Callibri. It's just... the easiest on my eyes for some reason.

2. I could, but man would I not wanna. I used to write by hand in high school but uh, wrist pain nowadays says absolutely not. It'd be slow going but I could make myself do it.

4. It isn't English but the word for Dragon in Finnish drives me up the goddamn wall. Lohikäärme is LITERALLY just 'Salmon' and 'Snake' shoved together, makes me crazy. Every other Nordic language's word for dragon looks relatively normal, Finnish just has to be a little weirdo about it. And that shit just keeps going for the whole language.

9. Kinda, yeah. I don't really think there's one clear and straightforward answer to what happens when a person dies, though certain religions would have you believe otherwise. A soul sticking around after they pass? Yeah, could be plausible.

13. Imagery isn't the easiest thing for me but I am getting better at it all the time. Emotion and dialogue are very easy though, once I get in a character's head.

19. I started way back in 2012-ish, maybe super early 2013, when I was around 16. I started with fanfiction for the Invader Zim fandom, eventually moved to Homestuck, Hetalia and Undertale (yes I was extremely cringe, I freely admit this, and often say that I would like to go back and hit my teenaged self with a fish) and then... kinda took a few years hiatus. Didn't really write anything until 2021 when I was making things for my long running D&D game. As I kept getting further into the game I just... kept writing. Eventually got introduced to a TTRPG server that has since become my home, and I RP with my characters there a lot. It's really helped me nail down both characterization and imagery. Now, I'm still writing fan fiction (for different fandoms) but I've also got this whole world I made myself and I'm adding to it all the time, and I have characters I've thrown years of work into and I couldn't be happier to have made something that is wholly mine.

21. No, I don't think so. Not forever anyway. I take breaks, I walk away from the desk for awhile, but I can't leave it forever. It brings me joy to build and create, and to lay that down would worsen my quality of life. I write for the sheer joy of it, and for sharing my work with others, why would I deprive myself of that?

24. Depends on what I'm writing. If I'm writing something relating to my setting's cosmology then I dive into my astrophysics notes which I love doing because, shocking nobody, I'm a big space dweeb. Same can be said if I'm writing for my setting's fae wild, that's where all my radiation notes get used. But if I'm just writing a comfy slice-of-life piece or something similar? Chill music, a cup of tea, and I go where the vibes take me.

29. Music, video games, and my friends' work are the biggest inspirations I have. I've got entire playlists for specific characters that I put on when I need to get in their heads, and watching my friends write things gives me ideas because they have some incredible (horrifying at times) ideas. When the well runs dry, I stop. I take a break and consume more writing and media to recharge the inspiration batteries.

32. Oh yeah big time. That one Terry Pratchet quote never leaves my head and it actively influences how I write certain characters.

"All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!

I have a duty!"

33. I draw too! I've drawn some of my characters before, but I haven't gotten to the point where I draw specific scenes from my stories yet. Maybe someday.

36. I know... a lot. Astrophysics and astronomy, Kirby lore (though I only pull inspiration from it since... it'd be silly and also illegal to straight rip Kirby lore into my stuff), radiation and nuclear technology to a certain degree, to name a few things.... my knowledge is quite niche and I accept this.

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it �� which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

[agent-kihyun]

neighbors [ldh]

pairing: Neighbor!Hyuck x reader (feat. 00 line)

wc: 6.1K

rating: R/18+

warnings: explicit smut; oral (female receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), flirting, making out, sex jokes

summary: When Lee Haechan moves in across the hall from you, you must figure out how to resist his charm in order to prove a point to your roommates. But what’s the harm in giving into temptation?

↣

The minute that your neighbor across the hall, an older woman who lived alone, passed away, you were mildly relieved. Yes, you know that sounds...bad. But, in your defense, she was rather mean to you and often complained to the landlord about you and your roommates despite the three of you not disturbing her.

You had hoped the landlord wasn’t planning on filling the empty apartment with new people again, but much to your dismay, within days the new apartment is rented out to a new tenant already. But what could you do? It was happening whether you liked it or not.

“Hey, have you heard?” your roommate, Bomi, bursts into the apartment practically screaming.

You casually flip a page in the magazine that you’re skimming, “Heard what?”

“Oh, don’t play dumb,” Bomi shuts the door and walks over to you, snatching your magazine out of your hands.

“Hey! Give that back! I literally have no idea what you’re talking about!” You half-heartedly reach up for your magazine.

“We’re getting new neighbors, you dweeb!” Bomi laughs in excitement.

“You’re a dweeb,” you pout and re-open your magazine, continuing to skim the pages.

“Are you not excited about getting new neighbors?” Your roommate scoffs.

“I couldn’t care less, to be honest,” you shrug.

“You’re unbelievable. I’m pretty sure they’re our age,” she smacks your knee to get your attention.

“Okay. Cool.”

“Hey! Show some enthusiasm!” Bomi whines.

“What are you trying to get her to show enthusiasm for?” Another one of your roommates, Gaeun, walks into the living room from her room.

“We’re getting new neighbors! I just saw them moving in across the hall into Mrs. Kim’s old place! They’re really cute,” Bomi explains to Gaeun.

“Really? Oh my gosh, let me see,” Gaeun rushes to the door and takes a quick peek as your new neighbors move their boxes into their apartment.

“You guys are so lame. We never interact with any of our neighbors anyway, what's the big deal?” You roll your eyes and finally put your magazine down.

“Because...they’re hot,” Gaeun says after she closes the door.

“Bomi just said they’re cute, so which is it?”

“Don’t be such a smartass,” Bomi says to you and you cross your arms in indignation.

“Let’s go welcome them! Introduce ourselves so they, y’know, like are familiar with someone around here,” Gaeun suggests with a wink.

“If they’re still moving their stuff in, it’s probably not a good time. Just wait till they’re--” You begin.

“Shh, I wasn’t asking you,” Gaeun sends you a quick glare and you shoot daggers back at her.

“Yeah, let’s go say hi!” Bomi grins and the two take off faster than the speed of light.

You stand in the foyer of your apartment, alone and now in a sour mood. You decide that there’s only one thing that can cheer you up at the moment: ice cream. You quickly grab your phone, keys and wallet, slip on your shoes and swiftly leave the apartment.

Your two roommates, standing in the doorway of your new neighbors’ apartment, call you over to say hi, as if they totally didn’t just ditch you, but you ignore them and take the staircase instead of the elevator.

You take a good hour at the ice cream parlor, eating ice cream by yourself and trying to distract yourself from the events from earlier. Why did you have to care about new neighbors? Why did Bomi and Gaeun make you feel like less than for not caring? Who cares if they’re hot? Maybe they were right for giving you weird looks, you think.

The ice cream does nothing for you. Instead, you try to cheer yourself up by getting your comfort foods from the grocery store. A pint of your favorite ice cream and snacks always made you feel much better.

With your food in hand, you walk home with a small smile on your face, having completely forgotten about your roommates. When you arrive back to the apartment, you see that the moving truck that was previously there when you left, is now gone. With that knowledge, you take the elevator up to your floor. You take the time in the elevator to begin snacking, but stop yourself so you can enjoy the rest in the comfort of your own home.

However, as you glance at your new neighbor’s door, you know you’d have to wait a little longer to eat your food. You felt bad for simply storming off earlier and not even waving to the new people on your floor. With a heavy sigh you find yourself walking to their door to formally introduce yourself.

3 knocks to the door and it’s swinging open. A young man stands before you, giving you a mildly perplexed look. Right off the bat you know you’re doomed. Your roommates were right about your new neighbors (or at least one of them) being handsome. If he looks this good, what do others look like?

“Hello? Can I help you?” his voice snaps you out of it.

“Oh...yeah, um, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m your neighbor,” you stick out your hand for him to shake and tell him your name. The young man looks down at your hand and back up at your face before taking your hand in his and shaking it twice. His hand lingers in yours before you pull yours away.

“You can call me Haechan,” he gives you a flashy grin. You return his smile, thinking that maybe you were wrong to judge your neighbor before even meeting him.

“I live across from you,” You point to the door on the other side of the elevator landing space, “I’m pretty sure you met my two other roommates earlier.”

“Oh yeah, you ignored them and left them hanging. Kind of a dick move, in my honest opinion,” he leans against his doorframe, crossing his arms and a smug expression on his face. Your jaw drops at his statement.

So you weren’t entirely wrong. What a little shit.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but in my defense, they were dicks to me right before that and I wasn’t in the mood to pretend like I was happy,” you cross your arms as well. Haechan laughs and shakes his head.

“I guess that’s fair. My roommates can be dicks too sometimes so I understand,” he shrugs. “Do you want to meet them as well?”

“Um…” you trail off, unsure if you wanted to introduce yourself to the others at the moment.

“Come on, they won’t bite,” Haechan winks at you. Something about the delivery of his comment makes your cheeks heat up, but you decide to just go for it.

“Okay,” you say, and before you know it, Haechan is tugging you into his apartment, shutting the door behind you.

Once inside, you look around and find boxes everywhere. Some of them were open, some of them were still sealed; of course since they were unpacking. There was a blue sofa in the middle of the room, two other males sitting on it and unpacking boxes. One was in the kitchen, also unpacking, you assumed.

“Hey, we have a guest!” Haechan announces, and suddenly there were 4 pairs of eyes on you. One of the guys on the couch stands up and walks over to you. He takes your hand in his and presses a chaste kiss to your knuckles.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Jaemin,” he smiles at you and it takes everything in you not to laugh, so instead you send him a tight-lipped smile. You quickly deduce he was the flirty type, and that you’d probably endure a lot more of his flirting if you were to hang out with these guys often.

“Hey, knock it off you weirdo, you’re gonna scare her,” the one from the kitchen walks over and offers his hand for you to shake. You quickly shake it, afraid he might do the same thing as Jaemin.

“I’m Renjun, and don’t worry, I won’t kiss your hand. Some of us are normal, I promise,” he shoots a glare at Jaemin, who rolls his eyes in response. You softly laugh at Renjun and then your eyes move over to the last one, who is still sitting on the couch.

“Oh, I’m Jeno. It’s nice to meet you! Sorry I can’t get up right now, I sprained my ankle earlier today while moving our stuff in,” He gave you a sheepish smile.

“Aw I’m sorry about your ankle, I hope it gets better!” you offer your condolences. Jeno smiles and nods in gratitude.

“And your name?” Jaemin asks. You casually provide your name for the 3 other boys to hear and they nod.

“Truly a pleasure to meet you,” Jaemin beams at you.

“Would you like to stay for awhile?” Haechan suddenly asks from beside you.

“Oh...I appreciate the offer, but you guys look like you’re busy unpacking. Plus I was hoping to spend some quality time with...my...ice cream,” You hold up the food in it’s plastic bag.

“Ah don’t worry about us unpacking, I mean you can help too,” Haechan says, and Renjun smacks his arm then shoots him a disapproving look. You nervously chuckle and shift on your feet.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re free to go. It was delightful to meet you and your roommates, it’s nice to know we have some friends our age here,” Renjun tells you and you nod.

“It was delightful meeting you all too. I don’t know what my roommates told you, but if you have any questions about the building or something, you can always ask us,” you tell them while opening their front door.

“Thanks! Much appreciated!” Jeno waves goodbye to you. You wave to the four boys as you exit the apartment.

Just as you begin to close the door, Haechan slips out right after you.

“Hey, wait,” he calls out and you turn around to face the boy.

“Don’t be a stranger, okay?” he says, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. You give him a small smile in return.

“Give me a good reason not to be,” you tell him before you turn back to your apartment.

Haechan stares at you as you unlock your door and disappear into your own apartment, unsure of what to make of your remark. As he walks back to his own place, a smirk on his lips, he thinks of all the ways to make sure you stick around.

“Be careful what you ask for…”

↣

After Haechan’s first encounter with you, he finds any way possible to see you more. He makes it his mission to give you plenty of good reasons for you not to be a stranger (technically, per your request).

The first incident is more...accidental. If anything, he would have to blame the mail delivery person for this.

As Haechan arrives at the apartment building from his last class of the day, he decides to check his mailbox for his unit. He quickly gathers the envelopes and advertisement cards that were stuffed into his mailbox and locks it, then walks toward the elevator while sifting through it to see if there’s anything for him.

The only problem is that he doesn’t see his name...or any of his roommates’ names. He sees yours and your roommates’ names. He sighs in slight frustration at how incompetent the mail delivery person had to be to mix up his mail with yours but then a lightbulb goes off in his head. You need your mail...so he’s going to have to give it to you...which means…

When the elevator reaches your floor, Haechan makes an immediate beeline for your door. He knocks a few times before you swing the door open, confusion written in your features as you take in Haechan leaned up against your door frame.

“Donghyuck.”

Haechan’s--or Donghyuck’s--smug expression fades instantly at the use of his legal name.

“H-how did you--?”

“It was on your mail, which somehow ended up in my mailbox,” you cross your arms as you give him a suspicious glare.

“I didn’t do anything, I got your mail too,” he holds up your mail to your face and you raise your eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh,” you quickly take your mail from Haechan, “well thanks for getting my mail...Hyuck.” A smug smile paints your lips as you use his legal name again.

Haechan makes a disgruntled expression and sighs, “Why are you calling me that?”

“Because it’s cute and it’s, oh I don’t know...your actual name? Don’t worry, though, I’ll keep calling you Haechan,” You reassure him. Haechan gives you a suspicious glare and crosses his arms. He most definitely wasn’t expecting for you to be good at playing his game, which he thought that you didn’t know you were a part of.

“Can I just have my mail now?” He huffs, deciding to take a loss for this round.

“So impatient, geez,” you pick the stack of Haechan’s mail off your foyer table and hand it to him. Haechan takes his mail from you and is about to bid you adieu before he suddenly changes his mind on losing this round.

“Personally,” he begins, catching your attention from your mail, “I think you should use that Savage Fenty promo code. I’d love to see what you get.”

Your heart nearly stops in your chest as you look up in horror at Haechan’s shit-eating grin, knowing full well that he knocked you off your axis. You don’t even have a comeback, you just watch in silence as Haechan sends you a wink and leaves you standing in your doorway. He shouts a quick thank you before he enters his own apartment, shutting the door behind him.

“I can’t believe--” You hiss as you slam your door shut, your face incredibly hot from Haechan’s simple, yet flirty, remark. You knew he had to have skimmed through your mail, or he wouldn’t have shown up at your door to give it back. What you didn’t anticipate was that he’d use your mail against you.

“Were you just flirting with our neighbor?” You hear your roommate, Gaeun, behind you. You whip around to face her and scowl.

“No. He was flirting with me,” you inform her.

“You think he’s cute don’t you?”

“I do not!”

“Oh please, you’d be stupid to not think he’s cute. I cannot believe just a week ago you were so disinterested in our new neighbors and now you’re literally buddy-buddy with them, Haechan in particular,” she wiggles her eyebrows at you and you roll your eyes.

“Whatever, you’re annoying,” you scoff.

“You totally like him, huh?”

“Shut up no I don’t!”

“Alright, alright, fine. I have a hard time believing it, but okay,” Gaeun shrugs.

A comfortable silence fills the space between you and Gaeun before she pipes up again.

“I’m just saying if you end up sleeping with him, I won’t be surprised.”

“GAEUN!”

↣

A couple of days later, Haechan reminds you of his presence again.

You were doing homework in your living room when a frantic knocking on your front door unceremoniously interrupts you. You save your work and close your laptop before padding over to the door to see who is so rudely interrupting you from your studies.

Lo and behold, as you gaze through your peephole, you find Haechan standing on the other side. You sigh and reluctantly open the door, giving the boy an unamused glare.

“Thank God you’re home, I need your help,” Haechan exhales in relief. You raise your eyebrows at his distressed tone, unsure if something was wrong.

“Why, did something happen? Are you okay?” You ask him.

“Aw...you’re worried about me, how cute,” Haechan smiles at you, touched by your concern. You groan in annoyance and frown at him.

“No, I’m fine. Our kitchen, however is not; our sink is not draining properly and shit is coming up from the drain. I was wondering if you could give me the landlord’s email or number so we can call him to come fix it,” Haechan reveals. You furrow your brows and shake your head at him, thus confusing him.

“First of all, don’t call the landlord, he doesn’t know anything. Second of all, your sink is clogged, I’ll come fix it for you,” you tell him.

“What do you mean the landlord doesn’t know anything?” Haechan asks, put off by your comment.

“When I first moved in, our toilet had problems. So of course, I called the landlord to come fix it and he literally said he didn’t know what to do. Naturally, from that point, I learned how to fix everything since the landlord is useless,” you recount your story to Haechan. It’s at this point that Haechan starts second guessing his and his roommates’ decision to move into this apartment building.

“Are you sure--”

Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing, just give me a second to get my tools.” You close the door and return promptly, holding a simple toolbox with enthusiasm. Haechan gives you a strange look, but decides to see this through. If it’s a chance to spend time with you, he’s taking it.

“Alright, let’s go fix your kitchen sink!” you grin and close your door behind you as you determinedly march across the hall to Haechan’s place.

When you arrive, you quickly figure out what’s wrong and get to work. You open the cabinet doors that lead to the pipes under the counter and begin going through your toolbox to get the appropriate tools to fix the sink.

“Do you want to see how to fix this so next time you can do it yourself?” you suggest. Haechan blinks down at you as he thinks about his answer. On the one hand, he wants to stand and supervise you from a distance (an excuse to basically ogle your bare legs because of the denim shorts you were wearing), but on the other hand, he can be closer to you if he joins you under the sink.

“Hyuck?” Your use of his nickname snaps him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah I’ll watch you work on my pipes,” Haechan says without thinking. You deadpan at him, his unintended euphemism not going over your head.

“Really?” you raise a brow at him.

“What?”

“‘Work on your pipes?’ Do you think I’m stupid?” you scoff. It takes Haechan a second to realize what you mean before his jaw is dropping. The initial shock fades into cheekiness as he leans against the counter with a smirk.

“That’s not what I meant, but I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to work on that pipe,” he winks at you and you roll your eyes.

“I’m taking back my offer to teach you how to fix your sink,” you say before ducking your upper body under the sink. Haechan pushes himself from the counter and ducks under the sink with you, despite you rescinding your offer.

“No takesies backsies,” he settles in next to you. It’s slightly cramped, but you try to focus on anything other than his close proximity to you.

“Fine, just don’t say dumb shit like that again,” you say quietly while you begin the process of fixing Haechan’s sink.

“No promises,” Haechan grins and you laugh softly at his antics.

You show Haechan what’s wrong with his sink and how to repair it. He pays close attention to your instructions, finding them to be fairly simple. For the last half of the process, you come out from under the sink and show him the last few steps of unclogging the sink. When you believe you’ve restored the sink to its former glory, you test the garbage disposal and run the water, making sure everything is drained. Much to Haechan’s surprise, you effectively fixed his sink.

“Damn...thank you. It works perfectly now,” He says in relief.

“Anytime. I also just want to point out that the previous tenant had a LOT of cats, so that’s probably why all that hair was in your pipes. I don’t know why she would put it down the sink though, that’s gross,” you scrunch your nose in disgust and Haechan chuckles.

“Yeah well we don’t have any cats, so it won’t happen again,” He tells you with a small smile. You return the smile and quickly lean down to recover your tools so you can make a swift exit back to your apartment. Haechan can’t quite explain why he felt so attracted to you while you unclogged his sink and explained how to do so. All he knew was that it was quite an experience for him to watch you become a plumber in his presence.

“So were you paying attention to the plumbing lesson? Because I’m not about to purposely clog another sink to teach you again,” you ask as he walks you back to your apartment.

“I was too busy getting distracted by your beauty and missed like a good chunk of the lesson, to be honest,” he joked. You stare up at him, shocked by his audacity, but all he does is give you a cocky smile in return.

“You--you’re--fuck you,” you say as you quickly enter your apartment and shut the door in Haechan’s face, not wanting him to see you in your flustered state.  He blinks at your door, bewildered at your reaction, but soon realizes it wasn’t negative in the slightest.

Haechan walks back to his apartment with pride and a puffed out chest.

↣

You’re thoroughly convinced that the universe wants to prove your roommates right and you wrong. This becomes apparent to you once again at the end of a shower, you turning your shower head off and reaching for your towel.

At first, you don’t hear it, but after turning off your speaker and wrapping your towel around your body, you step outside the bathroom and hear the blaring noise: the fire alarm.

“Fuck...nooooooo,” you whisper as you hang your head in defeat. You debate quickly going to your room and throwing on clothes, but you remember the fire drill rules of the building and reluctantly grab your keys, phone and slippers. You dash down a few flights of stairs to the lobby and exit promptly, heading over to the building meetup point where the other residents are, all while holding your towel close to your body.

When you arrive, you try to hide yourself from passersby by blending in with the other building residents. You’re in the clear, heaving out a sigh of relief...that is until you hear the devil’s voice from your right side.

“Well don’t you look pretty standing there in nothing but a bath towel. Mind if I sneak a peek?” Haechan croons as he saunters over to you with a cheeky smirk. You turn your head towards Haechan, greeting him with a displeased expression, only for him to send you a wink.

“Hi, Donghyuck,” you huff, and cross your arms, effectively keeping your towel wrapped around your body.

Haechan places his hand on his heart in fake hurt, “When you say my name like that, it hurts.”

“Oh really? How would you like me to say it then?” you roll your eyes. Haechan moves to stand behind you and leans down so his lips brush the shell of your ear and in the most nonchalant tone, he whispers:

“Loudly and with pleasure, baby.”

You can’t control the shivers that are sent down your spine at the pet name and Haechan looks down at you with pride at his work. You scowl at the fact that your body reacted to his teasing, but even more so that you don’t hate it as much as you’re letting on. You refuse to turn around because you know that you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself back from either smiling at him or smacking him.

“Cat got your tongue, honey? Maybe you can put it to good use. Hm?” he pushes further and you can’t control yourself from whipping around and whacking his arm. The smile you’re so clearly fighting, though, tells him you’re not really mad at him.

“Shut up, you fucking dweeb, me being in a towel is not an invitation for you to hit on me nor is it a ploy to get you into bed,” you hiss at him and all he does is bite his lower lip softly and stick his hands in his front pockets.

“You’re the one who said not to give you a reason to remain strangers, and I always go the extra mile for people I consider…‘friends’,” he uses your past words against you. You gape in surprise at how cunning Haechan is and you wish you could slap the smug smile right off his face. You’re more mad at yourself for how his flirting is actually working and eliciting a reaction from you, especially a reaction from under your towel and between your legs. You can’t prove your roommates right, especially because you know they’d give you shit if they found out you actually did like Haechan.

“You’re insufferable,” you whisper just as the landlord announces that you’re allowed to come back into the building. You quickly stalk off toward the building, leaving Haechan alone to watch your retreating figure in admiration.

It’s only a matter of time before your resolve breaks...and he’s going to be there when it happens.

↣

You don’t see Haechan for another couple of days, which makes you a little more sad than you’d like to admit. You even go so far as to ask Renjun where Haechan was, mildly worried that Haechan was sick...or even lost interest in you. You swear Renjun to secrecy though, knowing that if Haechan finds out you asked about him, you’d never hear the end of it.

When you finally do see him, it’s on the elevator, on your way home from school. It’s silent as the elevator doors close the two of you into the space. After a few beats, haechan finally speaks.

“I hear you asked about me,” he says, fighting off a smirk. You sigh and make a mental note to kill Renjun the next time you see him.

“Yeah I hadn’t been annoyed in a few days so I just wanted to see why it was so quiet,” you roll your eyes and look over at Haechan to find that he’s already looking at you.

“Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night,” he shrugs nonchalantly and goes back to waiting for the elevator to arrive at your floor.

“So…?”

“So what?”

“Where were you?”

Haechan gives you a surprised look, but answers anyway, “I was studying for a midterm, snoopy. I have to keep my grades up you know.”

“Oh...well...I hope you pass,” you tell him, and a warm smile appears on his lips.

“I did. With flying colors. Thanks though,” he says back and before you can respond, the elevator dings and the doors open. Haechan files out first and you follow suit, reluctant to go back to your own apartment for some reason. No one is there, you know that for a fact. Before you take out your keys, you glance back at Haechan, who is standing motionless at his door, his back facing you.

“Haechan,” you call out, your lips moving before your brain can formulate thoughts. He turns back to you, wide-eyed and curious about why you said his name.

“Yeah?” He asks as he starts to inch closer to your end of the corridor.

“I…” you begin, but the rest of the words don’t come out. As Haechan gets closer, he can see your face more clearly, and the look in your eyes tells him everything he needs to know. Being ever so impatient, he doesn’t wait for you to finish your sentence and backs you up against your door, his lips (finally) feverishly connecting with yours.

Your eyes shut immediately as Haechan takes control and kisses you with hunger and desire. He places one hand on your waist and one hand caresses your cheek, not intending to let you go anywhere. He swipes his tongue on your lower lip and you allow him access almost immediately. You don’t know why you’re mildly surprised that Haechan is a phenomenal kisser, but that thought and any other lingering ones fade as his hands travel to your hips and grip them rather harshly. You gasp softly against his lips as he increases the pressure on your hips, and he takes the opportunity to begin kissing your neck, creating marks where his lips touch.

While Haechan concentrates on your neck, you quickly try to search your bag with only your sense of touch to find your keys to let the two of you in.

Haechan grabs them from you, breaking away from you for a split second to unlock and open the door. Once that is accomplished, he places his lips back on yours and ushers you into your apartment. His kissing gets more insistent and rough as he shuts the door behind him.

Articles of clothing trail behind the two of you as you advance to your room. By the time you arrive, the two of you are fighting for dominance through your making out. It gets so intense that you have to break away for air. The two of you stand chest to chest, half-naked and panting.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asks breathlessly. His hands rest on your hips and give them a light squeeze just for kicks. Your breath hitches in your throat and Haechan notices and smirks.

“I’m just...” you begin but Hyuck squeezes your hips again and you let out a small whimper.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you,” he teases you.

“Shut up,” you pry his hands off your hips and push him back to your bed before straddling his thighs. “You’re not the only one who likes to be in charge, Hyuck.”

Haechan smirks from below you and hooks his fingers into the hem of your panties, pulling them down slowly.

“Oh sweetheart,” he pauses when he has taken your panties completely off, “don’t you know I can still have control from under you?”

“Huh?” you ask, but Haechan’s response is one of action. He slips his boxers down his legs, situates his cock in line with your entrance and pulls you down on him until he’s buried to the hilt. You both let out harmonious moans simultaneously, the stretch of his cock oh-so-satisfying and the wet warmth of your pussy giving him goosebumps. While you were mildly disgruntled you didn’t get to see his cock first, you felt like it was unnecessary at this point considering you could feel his size from inside your pussy.

“Fuck you‘re so wet, I knew you wanted to fuck me,” he hisses.

“How the hell...are you…?” You begin.

“This big? Why, don’t think you can handle it?” Haechan smugly asks.

“Just...fucking move, Hyuck,” you grunt, “or I will.”

“Baby’s so desperate for my cock she won’t wait for me to fuck her? What, you’re gonna fuck yourself on my cock?” Haechan teases you, but you take it as a challenge and promptly begin riding him.

“You...asked for it,” you smirk at him.

“Fuck...you feel so good,” Haechan praises you and you beam at him. You lean down and begin pressing open mouthed kisses along his neck, kisses which soon turn into hickeys. Haechan has to admit that it feels good to be treated like this. Like a king.

“Who’s in charge now, brat?” You whisper in his ear and Haechan’s gaze darkens. He brings his hands back to your hips and grips them so you stop in place.

“I am,” he responds before roughly thrusting up into you, “it’s my game, I always win.”

Haechan pistons his hips against yours and moan after moan spills from your lips. Every yelp of his name, mixed in with swears and incomprehensible sounds, pushes Haechan to go harder.

“Shit, Hyuck, I’m...I’m so close,” you mewl and grip his shoulders to steady yourself. Under normal circumstances, Haechan would edge you to no end, but he’s been waiting for this since the moment you told him that you didn’t want to be strangers. He was going to be self-indulgent just this once.

Haechan’s thrusting gets sloppier as you both get close to your highs. Finally you come undone around his cock, your walls hugging him so tight, it makes it harder for him to keep going. Haechan takes an immeasurable amount of self control to not cum inside of you (especially since he got ahead of himself and forgot to slip on a condom). After a couple more thrusts, he pulls you off of him and cums across his own stomach, chest heaving as he comes down from his high. You take a dollop of his cum on your finger and suck it off, making eye contact with him just to taunt him further.

“Get on my face,” he commands.

“What?”

“Get on, sit on, I don't care just get up here,” he grabs your thighs. At your lack of action, he pulls you up so your core is hovering above his lips.

“Hyuck, I don’t think I can take—Oh my fuck,” your plea is cut short by Haechan’s lips wrapping around your clit and sucking harshly on it.

Haechan is not done proving who is in charge—and that he’s perfectly capable of fucking you from beneath you—and decides to have a feast to treat himself.

His tongue expertly navigates your pussy, switching between tongue fucking your entrance and stimulating your clit. All you can hear are lewd slurping sounds and your cries of pleasure. Haechan hums into your clit and the vibrations send electricity throughout your body.

“Hyuck...Hyuck do that again please,” you beg him while lightly tugging his hair. Haechan surprisingly complies, but instead of simply humming, he lightly growls into your pussy, the sensation pushing you closer to the edge. It isn’t until Haechan gives your clit one harsh suck that you’re coming onto his face. He quickly slurps up your release before working on your pussy again.

He puts you through two more orgasms before he’s pushing you off of his face and onto your bed. He crosses his arms behind his head in satisfaction before he glances over at you. Your legs are still trembling and your eyes are closed in an attempt to regain your composure and breath.

“I’ll let you catch your breath before the next round,” he tells you and you open your eyes to give him a playful glare.

“Who said we were going multiple rounds?”

“Fine, I’ll go then.”

“No, wait!”

“Yeah that’s what I thought.”

↣

“Okay just be really quiet, I’m sure they’re home now and I cannot have them seeing you here.”

“I can’t believe you’re sneaking me out of your apartment, this is not high school, why can’t I just walk out of here?”

“Because then my roommates will be right and I don’t want them to clown me for giving into you.”

“You say that like sleeping with me was a bad thing,” Haechan raises an eyebrow as you escort him quietly to your front door.

“It wasn’t, but when you guys first moved in, I may have made a big deal of being uninterested in you and they like to prove me wrong. Just work with me here,” you explain.

“Oh how the tables turn. I’m sure you wouldn’t want them to know how eager you were for my—” Haechan begins but you place your hand on his face to shush him.

“I wouldn’t, so shut up,” you tell him as you make it to your front door.

“It’s gonna be a little harder for you to sneak me out when we do this again, y’know,” Haechan tells you while you open the door.

“Again? Why do you say that with so much certainty?” You ask him with a mischievous smile.

“Because I know it’s gonna happen again, please,” he scoffs and you softly laugh. Haechan smiles at the sound of your laugh and hopes that the next time he does come back, he gets to know you a little more before you sleep with each other again.

“Sure, keep telling yourself that,” you cross your arms with a shy smile, “now go home.”

“Until next time,” Haechan leans down and places a chaste kiss to your cheek before turning toward his door across the hall. You close the door as Haechan goes into his apartment and lean against the door, processing what just happened.

Haechan was right: you were going to need to be more sneaky the next time he was over.

[s1ater]

different type of game, part one. eli moskowitz x reader

summary 📣: in which eli moskowitz is a popular hockey player, but to reader he was just a boy tory nichols had history with. but eli’s trying to erase that history, and what better way then trying to get with her best friend?

warnings 🚫: mentions of sex, swearing, vulgar language, drinking, tory and reader have a “funny” relationship, no mohawk eli‼️

slater’s note 🗯: i saw a video of hockey jacob, so this kind of inspired this fic. also is it wrong that i lowkey ship tory and hawk?

part one, part two

“hockey boys are fun, always a good fuck.”

“jesus, tory.”

“what?” she out called innocently, leaning back from the boarder separating the two of you from the ice, “it’s true.”

“oh yeah?” you quirked a brow to tory, leaning away from the boarder as well and making your way to the entrance onto the ice.

you really wondered if tory thought about the words that came out of her mouth before they actually came out of her mouth.

the two of you had been watching the high school hockey team practice with the rest of your figure skating team when her words just popped into the air.

“yes.”

“who have you fucked?”

it’s silent, meaning either tory hadn’t followed you onto the ice and didn’t hear you or she was stumped.

she never got stumped, only with you really, and it was because you knew how to contradict her without fear, unlike others who would rather keep their mouths shut then receive a blade to the face from the stupid spike bracelet she kept around her wrist at all times.

you slightly glanced back, trying to see if she was following you, “tory? who’d you fuck?”

the skating rink smelt of sweat and blood, making scrunch up your nose slightly as you got farther to the center. it hadn’t ever mattered how early you got to the rink, it always smelled like that, even before the hockey practices.

“no one.”

“shut up,” you rolled your eyes, turning the heal off your skate to face her. you knew she was lying then.

“what?”

“tory,” you dumbfounded, “who’d you have sex with?”

it was like she was cowering away from you, as if you were about to hit her or something and you didn’t get it.

“c’mon.”

“fine,” she nipped at her lip, eyes sliding along the ice, “miguel diaz.”

and you almost gasped, eyes widening, “tory,” but you kept it in, your hand reaching for her, almost asking her if she was serious, “no way, the kids a dork.”

“shut up, no he’s not.”

“yes he is!” you almost laughed, “he’s friends with those other dweebs, y’know? the lip kid and uh-“

“demetri?”

“yes!”

“y/n, you’re stupid,” it was her turn dead stare you in the eyes with a disappointed glare in her irises, “that was freshman year, two years ago, a lot happens in two years- god haven’t you ever seen eli shotgun? he does it at almost every party.”

“eli?”

“lip kid.”

“oh.. huh?”

tory rolled her eyes as if she was done with your shit, “he has the rough red hair, almost looks pink... uh, hot, number 20 on the hockey-“

you gasped, it all suddenly clicking in your head, “that’s him?”

“yes, that’s him.”

tory looked at you as if you were stupid, her face blank but harsh, it almost made you laugh, but you held it in, allowing a small snide smile slide across your lips, “how was he?”

“miguel?”

“no, eli,” you rolled your eyes, “yes, tory, the one you had sex with.”

“oh...” her teeth sunk into her bottom lip once again. her cool and rude exterior seemed to have disappeared real quick in replace of nervousness, “what if i told you i fucked the both of them?”

°•

it was a late friday night, ten minutes after practice when you felt rushed by tory’s phone call.

“y/n, where are you?”

“tory, where are you?” you were struggling with the phone pressed up to your ear as you tried your best to pull off skates and balance yourself up.

it was nine thirty at night, practice had just gotten over and there was no sign of tory at all throughout the night.

it always seemed as though tory was a slacker, didn’t show up for school, but always showed up to figure skating practice. she always said it was her ticket to a better life, especially with finals coming up. so it was weird for her to ditch out.

“y/n, it’s larusso’s party tonight, it started half an hour ago,” you could hear an annoyance in her tone, “you said you would meet me here.”

you closed your eyes tightly, it suddenly all coming back to you. you had promised her to be her safety buddy for the night just in case any weirdos came around harassing up on her.

“fuck, tory, i forgot,” you lightly slapped your forehead as if scolding yourself, sitting down in one of the arena seats, “i’ll be there soon, practice just ended.”

“you better be,” her voice erupted through your phone speaker, “i’ve been talking to stingray for the half hour, i’m gonna shoot myself before i have another drink.”

you rolled your eyes at the exaggeration that came from her mouth, “shut up.”

and you hung up the phone.

°•

you squinted up at the large larusso home. everyone knew daniel larusso as the ex-hockey-player-valley-championship-winner-now-super-rich-car-salesman. the people of LA worshiped the man.

trekking up the front lawn you could already smell the booze that was practically leaking past the front door.

“finally, you made it,” tory’s arm slung over your shoulder the moment you walked in, her hand shoving a red solo cup in your own, “drink up, long night ahead.”

you narrowed your brows, looking to her a bit confused at her tense posture. she should have been loosened up more, especially with how much alcohol she probably drunk.

“you alright?” you quirked a brow while taking a drink of the sour tasting liquid that you found hard forcing down your throat.

you winced, slightly tilting your head before throwing back some more into your mouth.

“nothing, just kinda... bored.”

“shut up, no you’re not.”

“can we go sit down?”

she was moving before you could say ‘yes’ and moving pretty fast as she swerved herself around the clumps of people littering the living room.

she sat down on a couch in the corner, her hands sitting gently on her lap making your brows close in on each other even more. it didn’t make sense as to why she was being so... awkward.

it was like her heart was racing and her eyes were moving fast, looking from one place to another, like she was paranoid, looking for someone.

“tory, are you on drugs?” you asked, placing your hand close to her as you took a seat next to her on the nice leather couch.

you could barely see her face by the way the only thing illuminating her features were the cheap tacky disco lights set in all the corners of the room.

“no, y/n,” she shook her head, eyes squinting slightly, “fuck you, no, i just need something to drink.”

“water?”

“sure.”

“okay,” you nodded slightly, leaning away from her and standing up, “i’ll get you some.”

she stayed silent, not even watching you walk away but her attention being drawn toward the group of kids beginning to dance in the center of the room.

it was unsettling seeing her so on edge, so strange, it made you uncomfortable due to tory being the usual life of a party. it was so unlike her.

you grabbed one of the solo cups stacked on the counter, biting on your lip as you thought more and more about why tory would be in the mood that she was in.

you couldn’t think of anything as you leaned up on the counter, your hand reaching for the ice as you shoveled it into the red plastic cup.

maybe she was mad you were late or maybe something had happened to her while you were at practice or maybe-

“you’re tory’s friend, right?”

you looked up, pausing your actions of pouring ice into the cup. your eyes met a pair of blue ones, studying you.

“uh, yeah,” your eyebrows were furrowed again, slightly confused as to who you were looking at...

red hair, rough red hair fading into pink...

eli.

your face dropped from its confusion and you were then trying your best to bite back a wave of amusement that begun filling your stomach.

“you’re on the figure skating team too, aren’t you.”

“yeah, are you?”

he scoffed, slight amused taking a drink of the solo cup he held in his hand, “no, hockey team. don’t think i’m nimble enough to do figure skating.”

your eyes raked his body, “hm, i think you could probably pull it off.”

you now leaned away from the counter, sliding further down to the other side where the bottle of waters were. eli followed you slightly on the other end of the marble counter.

“you’re flattering, really.”

“i try to be,” you begun dumping the contents of one of bottles you picked up into the cup, your eyes not meeting his but rather focused on what you were doing.

“y/n? that’s your name, right?”

“yeah, how’d you know?” you still didn’t look up, not really interested in the fact that he knew your name.

“not hard to know about something when you really wanna know about it.”

you looked up then, watching him drink the contents of his drink as he slightly analyzed you, wanting to see your reaction.

“you’re funny...” you mumbled, as if what he said was a joke, but you knew it was a joke, you were just confused, your eyebrows slightly raised.

“thanks.”

you didn’t know what to say, but you really wanted to say something as you stared at him and he stared back, waiting.

you didn’t know what to say.

and you wanted to think that he didn’t know what to say either but you knew better than to think that a boy like him didn’t have a million things to say, all things that could stump you even more, make you flustered, make you embarrassed, make you red in the cheeks. 

a million things to say, but yet he stood silent, as if waiting for you to say the first words to allow him to pounce. 

masterlist

taglist 🗞:

join my taglist mf

@bigbilliamdenbro @axastasiasstuff @spiderman-berries @alexmercer-reginaldpeters @teti-menchon0604 @lydiaamphlett @notyourfuckingbusinesss @estupidteen @torynicholsgf @nessa1107 @carpioassists @vhscherry @simplytpwk @sinicalh4wk

[stylesluxx]

quarantine – h.styles

[warnings: none]

summary: in which y/n and harry are quarantined | next part

word count: 708

masterlist

"I hate it here," Harry whined and walked over to the front door. He shook the doorknob and screamed, "let me out! Let me out!"

"H, stop before someone thinks there's something wrong with you," You laughed and plopped on the couch with a book in hand.

"No one would even save me. We're quarantined, remember?"

"You don't want to be stuck in the house with me?" You teased and looked over at him with a small smirk.

"Such a pest, always twisting my words," He played back. "It's just weird. I don't like being told to stay inside. My body, my choice."

"H, just sit down and read a book," You giggled and pat the empty spot next to you. You handed him a book you set on the table earlier.

"Animal Farm? You think I'm five?"

"Baby, this is not a book for a five-year-old. Just read it you dweeb. We're doing 30 minutes of reading today." "And what are you reading, an adult book? The Handmaid's Tale? Why don't you just watch the show, weirdo?"

"Harry, read," You said and opened up your book. He huffed and opened up his book, starting to read.

When the 30 minutes were up, you just your book and placed it on the coffee table. You stood up and grabbed your yoga mat from the coat closet.

"Baby, I'm gonna go do some yoga," You told your boyfriend before walking into the backyard.

"Mhm okay," You heard him mumble.

After practicing your yoga for an hour, you headed back inside and saw Harry still reading. "Babe, you're still reading?" You asked, shocked.

"Mhm," He hummed. "You think I'll finish today?"

"I think you should take a break," You chuckled. You walked over to the speaker and turned it on. Music from your phone started to play and you walked over to take the book out of his hand. You saved his page and set it down next to your book.

He huffed and stood up as you pulled him from the couch. He started dancing with you despite his playful eye rolls which made you giggle.

The music continued to play as you made him a sandwich and he was sprawled out on the couch.

"See, staying in isn't too bad," You said as you handed him his plate.

"I'll see how I feel at the end of the day," He huffed dramatically.

"You're such an actor," You shook your head and sat next to him. "You wanna bake cookies with me when you're done?

"Can we make cupcakes instead?" He asked and looked up at you, batting his eyelids innocently.

"Yeah, sure, H," You laughed.

"Okay guys, welcome back to my channel. I'm Harry Styles and this is my girlfriend, Y/N Styles," He said as he waved at the camera. "Today we're making red velvet cupcakes and we're not adding sprinkles because sprinkles are disgusting."

You laughed at his commentary and started getting the ingredients together. "I hope you don't plan on posting that," You snickered.

"And why not?" He looked at you.

"Your fans are gonna see that you can't even bake," You teased. "They'll never be able to look at you the same."

He squinted his eyes at you before turning back to the camera. "You guys, just ignore her. She has no idea what she's talking about," He shook his head.

"You guys, as you can see, these cupcakes came out perfectly, no thanks to Y/N," He said and showed the camera the perfect cupcake.

You playfully rolled your eyes and watched as Harry put the cupcake up to his mouth to eat. Without thinking, you walked over and quickly smooshed the cupcake on his face.

He stood in shock for a moment before looking over at you, wide-eyed.

"I cannot believe you just did that," He said and wiped the frosting off of his face. He looked at his hand quickly before looking back at you.

"H, you better not," You warned and ran upstairs.

He turned back to the camera and smiled. "Thank you so much for watching guys. Make sure you remember to like, comment, and subscribe. See you next time," He said and turned the camera off before chasing you upstairs.

[AN: this quarantine has me so bored. this is the most I’ve written in months]

[tokaywineandcheese]

alright here we go wrote a little thing!!!

“Wake up, kids!”

Gwen’s eyes immediately snapped open, used to Grandpa Max’s morning wake-up call. She could tell it was mid-morning from the way the sunlight was streaming into the RV’s open door, creating a patch of yellow upon the floor. Looking across from her, she could see Ben’s sleeping form huddled underneath his blankets. His cousin was still, not even a single movement escaping him in his sleep.

Gwen rolled her eyes. Leave it to Ben to sleep through anything, even Grandpa Max’s morning cooking. She could hear him just outside their RV, clanging away at the grill. Her nose picked up the scent of burned wood and sausages. It was going to be a good morning—she knew Grandpa Max would make eggs next—and she was going to beat Ben to the first choices in breakfast items.

She slipped out of bed, making sure to fold her blanket properly (unlike Ben, who was prone to leaving it in a haphazard bundle) and then dashed to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Gwen locked the door behind her to make sure Ben couldn’t barge in and fight with her over the sink and then grabbed her comb, straightening out her hair so she looked presentable.

Next, she grabbed her toothbrush and reached for the toothpaste. Movement caught her eye, and she froze. From behind their row of hygiene products, a small gray figure darted out.

Gwen let out an involuntary shriek in surprise and raised her toothbrush to swat the mouse—or rat, or whatever it was—away.

“W-wait, Gwen! It’s me!” A tiny voice called out in distress.

Gwen’s arm paused in the air. Before her was a tiny little gray alien, with two large eyes, dressed in a white tracksuit of some kid. She only knew one talking alien…

“Ben?”

“Yeah!” The tiny Galvan hopped up and down in excitement, and it was only when he finally stopped that Gwen noticed the familiar green hourglass symbol on his back.

“Okay, real funny,” Gwen snapped, rolling her eyes at him. Her cousin might be the same age as her, but wow was he really immature at times. “Thanks for scaring me so early in the morning, dweeb.”

“It wasn’t on purpose!” Ben protested. “I…need your help.”

“You need whose help?”

“Yours, alright?” Ben admitted, grumpily crossing his arms.

“Okay, well why didn’t you just ask me outside of the bathroom? You know, like a normal human being. You didn’t have to scare me in here, hiding behind your toothbrush like some weirdo.”

“Like I said, not on purpose!”

“Okay, well I need to get ready for breakfast. You can wait outside and ask me again when you’re back to human.” Gwen picked him up, holding him in her palm.

Surprisingly, he did not utter a protest, and instead said, “I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I…I can’t turn back into a human.”

“Ha ha, very funny. Now get out so you don’t make a mess in here when you return to human.” She proceeded to drop him outside the bathroom door.

“I told you, I can’t!”

Ben’s frog-like eyes watered and that was when Gwen realized he was being serious. Ben never cried; he said that was for babies.

“You…can’t return to human?”

“No,” Ben said miserably.

Gwen picked him up again and set him back onto the bathroom counter. “Okay, what happened?”

“Okay, so don’t get mad…but I couldn’t sleep last night so I snuck out to do some hero-ing. First it was XLR8 so I could get into town and scope around but honestly there wasn’t much. So, I just explored town. But then…an hour had passed by the time I realized I was still XLR8, but I thought, okay the watch is just being weird. You know, as it does. But then, without warning, the watch started beeping and I was like, okay back to human! But instead, I changed into a different alien. It was Heat Blast this time, and boy was that awkward when I ran into this one guy and then accidentally set the nearest tree on fire so without thinking I touched the watch and bam! I was Four Arms. Which, you know, didn’t really help with the fire but I did manage to rip open the fire hydrant on accident so that got rid of the fire but then there was…a lot of water.”

Ben paused, his tiny hands shaking. “Anyway, I decided it was time to get out of there—the police had arrived by that time, probably from all the noise. I don’t know who called them, but someone must have, right? So, I ran away as Four Arms and hid and I thought, okay maybe there’s something wrong with the watch—”

“Yeah, I wonder whatever gave you that idea,” Gwen interrupted sarcastically. A glare was sent her way.

“—so I figured, okay, I just have to figure this out! So I activated the watch and cycled through the options, but it was still the same. All aliens. So…I thought, maybe I just need to tire it out or something, so I chose one at random and started switching between all of them, but I still wasn’t human. And the sun was starting to come up by now and I knew I was going to be in so much trouble when Grandpa Max finds out. So, I turned back to XLR8 to run back here. And then! I realized, oh, why don’t I try Grey Matter? Because he’s smart right? He can figure it out!

“Okay, that was horrifying to hear about,” Gwen grimaced. “Are you sure you didn’t destroy the town?”

“Positive,” Ben said, sounding very much like he was lying.

Gwen narrowed her eyes at him. “And this is definitely not a prank? Because I swear if this is an elaborate prank, you are going to die, Benjamin Tennyson.”

“It’s not! Really! I’m stuck, and I really, really need your help!”

There was a moment of silence as the two stared at each other.

Then, Gwen shouted, “GRANDPA!!!”

“No! Don’t do that!” Ben cried but it was too late.

“What’s going on, Gwen?” Grandpa Max called out, poking his head into the RV. “I heard some noise earlier.”

“Ben got himself into trouble messing around with the watch again.”

“Gwen!!!”

There was a heavy sigh from Grandpa Max as he regarded the two of them in the bathroom. “Okay, Ben, what did you do this time?”

There is nothing like watching an old show you were interested in

Then making up a fckin au for it even though you’re pretty sure the fandom is most likely dead

[jean----ralphio]

IT’S BoB LIVEBLOG TIME

Episode 1 is under the cut!

Warning, I swear a lot... and am very in love with RSJ so a lot of this was just me pointing at the screen and screaming RICH and then remembering you can’t see me so writing it down...

Episode 1: Curahee! Curaahhee? Curraahhee? I can’t spell so I’m renaming it Ross is a punk bitch

Buckle up my babies, this will be a carcrash!

00:01 Here we fucking go aw yis

00:11 Aw who’s this? I wish they named the gentlemen at the start of the episodes, I wanna know who is who :s

00:25 Shifty, is that you my angel son?

00:41 OMG you guys… these men are breaking my heart </3

01:06 Lord, men were committing suicide because they couldn’t go to fight? That mentality… man. Oh my God, you angels. Babies.

01:36 No jokes allowed, every man is <3

01:40 Now that I’m humbled and we’re all well and truly miserable…the credits, ugh, my heart. The score is amaziiiing. Some of the footage is actual war-time footage, I read, which is a brilliant touch.

02:01 DICK <3

02:13 DICK’S HUSBAND <3

02:18 RSJ’S NAAAAAME

02:27 JFC this music makes me so emotional. Look there’s Matthew Settle’s face. That makes me emotional too

02:48 Ah it’s Roe <3

03:48 I’m trying to pick them all out in the line-up but I can’t tell who is who. Are we supposed to be able to? There’s a short one in the middle, is that Harry?

03:49 I’m not drunk enough to handle this

04:10 Upottery? Ah it’s so English I love it. That’s not a name! Wtf is up with English place-names, you guys have the weirdest names. Upottery? Seriously? Is it only potters that live there? I’m so confused

04:22 Close up of Roe! Perfect. I approve.

04:32 Is that the guy from Line of Duty? I think it is

04:39 Lip <3

04:44 Ew. GTFO Cobb. He doesn’t even go here

04:47 IS THAT RICH? RICH. ILY. ILY RICH. Please note that 94% of this will be a Rich-watch

04:53 Lieb stop. I am sure you are not a certified hairdresser

04:56 RICH. SMOKING. SMOKING RICH. More like smoking hot do you see what I did there?

05:20 I can categorically say that I love Joe Toye. I do. I love him. But every time I see Kirk Acevedo, all I think of is Charlie my baby from Fringe (awesome show, please watch it). And I just. Charlieee <3

05:39 Aw. They’re so sad

05:55 They’re so despondent. Guys. It’s fine

06:05 Fassy?? FASSY!!

06:18 God Damien is pretty

06:25 Nix that’s not how you flirt

06:57 Lol at Dick noting its happy hour. Thinking about taking Nix on a date, are we? I bet you are. Now THAT is how you flirt!

07:24 OMG the fucking flirting! GUYS. “And give up all this?” NIX SAYS AS HE CHECKS HIM OUT

07:37 Yeah, Nix, you’ll take him ‘to Chicago’ huh? Is that what they call it nowadays.

07:44 Do you want to be that cigarette? ‘Cos there is nothing heterosexual about that lingering look, Dick

08:18 ‘Murica time

08:25 Ross, fuck off. Nice jacket though. “You PEOPLE are at the position of attention” ugh GTFO. Dick’s sideye tho lol

08:52 NGL Ross does a great job at being super unlikeable

09:05 Noooo you don’t want it with Johnny Martin. You wont win. Yeah, walk away Ross

09:15 Careful around Lip too, or Speirs will materialize out of thin air and snap your neck

09:33 RICH. Don’t be scared of that douchebag, baby

09:43 What kind of question is that, there is nothing Lieb wants more!

09:50 It’s weird hearing Ross swear tho

10:26 Don’t argue with Johnny, baby. Also Roe OMG <3 Shane is freaking fit

10:43 Wow Lip is ripped

10:48 Oh no, poor baby. Lip leave him be ☹ </3

11:10 LOL I just noticed the drum by the door. It says ‘butts’ and it took me a seconds to realise it was for cigarettes. I am an adult (31-year-old married woman). I’ll laugh at the word butts if I want.

11:11 RICH

11:18 Lieb omg lol

11:39 RICH BABY NO! FUCK OFF ROSS! LEAVE HIM ALONE OR I WILL HAVE SPEIRS CUT YOU

11:52 I can’t take Ross seriously in those shorts. Hi-ho GTFO

12:07 Ew fuck off running up that, I’d just nope out like nah babe imma go chill with that sweet baby back in the butts cabin

12:18 Aw Dick <3 The juxtaposition of Dick as a leader compared to Sobel who sure he might be honing them into something formidable and skilled but he’s an asshole. He’s not a leader. He’s a bullying, abusive scumbag. Dick is an actual leader who protects them and supports them and encourages them and IHAVEALOTOFFEELINGSOK

12:43 You don’t deserve that sick jacket, Ross. Seriously. That is a boss jacket, I want it

13:04 Have they not stopped fucking working out all this time? Ugh

13:23 Oh good, Dick gets a boss jacket too. He deserves it.

13:30 I wish people had to ask me for permission to speak.

13:53 I just. He. I can’t with Dick Winters, you guys. I cannot. I have lost the ability to can. Like they’re so upset and tired and low and just with that little joke he boosts their morale back up from where Sobel fucking beat it down into the mud and makes everything lighter and they laugh and are less tense and I just. Fucking love you, Dick.

14:00 Is that my angel son? I see you Shifty, love you baby

14:03 RICH. DON’T TOUCH MY RICH.

14:07 Oh my God, address them yourself you weirdo, Ross. They’re right there, you’re right there! I had a colleague that used to do the same, would get me to speak to my employees for her when they were right there in front of her like… ‘can you tell x to do y for me pls…’ … I was like wtf you know you CAN talk to them… you won’t catch poor just by speaking to people lower down the pecking order

14:22 Fassy! Wtf they’re not supposed to drink? Dehydration is legit one of the most dangerous things, how tf can you turn them into high-key supersoldiers if they’re dehydrated? How is this man so dumb? The guy in front of Fassy tho omg. I bet Fassy’s boss wife Alicia Vikander won’t like her husband being treated that way… she’s so badass tho right?

14:26 He’s so dramatic! Ugh

15:11 Piss off omg

15:24 oh my DVD flipped its shit here, only picked back up at 16:30 don’t @ me

16:52 RICH WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO YOU RICH

17:21 Shifty my angel son

17:46 so sweet

18:04 Sink, babe, no he is the worst, stop

18:20 LOL no, he’s jel as fuck babe

18:32 NO FUN ALLOWED. Im sorry, that tie is so ugly

18:44 Simon Pegg??!!

18:51 Ross is so dramatic God shut up. it’s not a conspiracy, weirdo

19:10 “It’s a can of peaces, sir.” Iconic.

19:11 Dick’s tiny smile is equally iconic.

19:17 SHUT UP ROSS

19:44 He wants to be punched, I think, like he’s goading them. The sick fuck.

20:47 DON’T TRUST HIM, DICK!

21:02 ROE <3

21:31 Hoobler, aw <3

21:37 I warned you not to trust him, boys

21:54 Ah boys, oh no

22:04 RICH. Kick him, baby

22:17 Bull, punch him, seriously

22:24 Oh Luz <3

22:26 Yeah GTFO, suck it, bitch

23:06 Who is this? Fella’s hot

23:40 RICH. FASSY. WEB. TAB.

24:19 Suck it, Ross

24:30 Real footage?

24:41 Lol you suck Ross

25:23 RICH. SMOKING RICH.

25:26 Bill omg

25:45 Perco, baby, no. don’t talk to Johnny Martin. Don’t look at Johnny Martin. Don’t so much as think about Johnny Martin. He will fuck you up with his gaze alone, baby

25:56 Ah Luz

26:06 OK. That’s hot. Joe/Charlie don’t be hot. It confuses me

26:42 Winnix being husbands in the corner

27:42 YOU’RE in the wrong position, dumbass, it’s no one else’s fault

27:46 Dick’s come to save the day

27:56 Ross knows nothing omg

28:05 RICH. Even my Rich is confused, Ross, you dweeb

28:20 Lol at Dick dropping down ready for a fight

28:36 Fassy isn’t happy. That means Alicia Vikander is coming for you. Joe/Charlie is definitely not happy. Lip is upset. Think about your life, Ross, think about your choices. You know you’ve failed when Roe is judging you

28:57 Nix is like lol where tf is the alcohol tho

28:59 Harry! Harry is here! But yes, baby, you’re interrupting the husband’s foreplay, leave immediately

30:00 Lol at the Nix vs Ross staredown. Nix won

30:17 RICH. GUYS IT’S RICH

30:33 Do it, Lieb. Drop the grenade. Just don’t upset my angel son Shifty

30:40 He is a literal angel. Don’t corrupt him Lieb

30:59 Nix is having another crack at flirting. “Going my way” so suave omg. Omg stop. No wait don’t

31:09 “I’m not the intelligence officer.” Neither is Nix half the time babe let’s be fair

31:14 “If I told you I’d have to kill you.” Nix is getting better at flirting! He’s been attending flirting 101 classes it seems

31:40 They’re legit such husbands prove me wrong

32:00 He’s not joking, Dick

32:06 Harry’s like oh yay yes please

32:11 Lol Nix

33:03 Ugh. Men. I feel like that hold smells so bad.

33:09 RICH. Naw, Rich is sad he’s missing out on the flamingos.

33:32 Joe/Charlie you deserve a day to commemorate you tbh. I love you.

33:46 “My brother’s in North Africa, he says it’s hot.” Bill is iconic.

34:34 Lieb, honey, don’t, please

34:49 I feel you, random hot guy. Tipper?

35:05 Eyyy this place is nice, let’s all move there.

35:17 Shifty, my angel son, my baby <3

35:26 Yay, Harry gets a boss jacket too!

36:22 Mum and Dad of Easy. I’m low-key living for Lip’s little worried faces.

36:33 THAT JACKET IS SICK AS FUCK I WANT 20

36:38 The fence is there, Ross, because you’re so fucking dumb

36:51 Guys, look, cows

37:06 He’s fucking useless. Hi Simon Pegg.

37:22 RICH

37:25 This whole scene gives me life and waters my crop

37:31 RICH <3. YOU GUYS. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. RICH RICH RICCCCHHHH

37:42 Poor Tip is so done

37:58 Simon Pegg is so confused

38:04 Good job, Tipper, I’m proud of you and your pretty face

38:10 Iconic

38:15 Keep it together Tip

38:54 The hand signals, no, I’d be like BABY. WHAT. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU WTF. I’d last like a millisecond in the military lmao. Does my country even have one? Tbh probably not. Us Kiwis are too chill, cbf’ed with anything. Too busy watching rugby, drinking, and sulking that we can’t afford houses cos our housing market is fucked. But at least we beat Covid *shrugs*

39:06 ILY, old guy. You are the best thing in this episode, aside from Rich

39:22 But wait, there’s more weird Americans hopping out yo’ bushes

39:26 “Bloody hell!” Mood

39:47 “You’ve done it now, yanks, you’ve captured me!” He is such a mood. I love him.

39:54 FUCK OFF ROSS. “Would that be the enemy?” “As a matter of fact, yes.” DICK IS SO VALID I LOVE HIM THIS IS ICONIC.

40:25 Be free, moo-cows

40:40 LAMO GET WRECKED

41:00 Guys imma be straight with you. I’m on my third whiskey lmao.

41:10 Simon Pegg, please refrain from being a douchebag. Leave Dick and his husband to flirt in peace.

41:23 I love how Nix is like instantly suspicious. He knows.

41:39 Worried husband

41:45 “Misspelled court-marital.” Iconic

42:14 Ross, why you lying? So threatened and jel that you gotta lie omg.

42:50 God Damien is freaking hot. Guys.

42:57 Punk bitch Ross.

43:22 Dick is so BDE. It’s fucking hot.

43:30 Ross is shooketh tbh. Punk bitch.

43:36 AH! IT IS HIM! THE GUY FROM LINE OF DUTY S5!

43:50 That underbite must have hurt FJH a lot omg so committed.

44:02 Hey Lip <3

44:09 Johnny Martin has absolute BDE

44:22 God they’re willing to be killed just to not follow Ross. Same tbh.

44:57 This whole scene is BDE.

46:00 But Sink has the most BDE let’s be honest

46:44 The respect for Dick. Even after what they just went through. I AM EMOTIONAL.

46:58 He’s so worried like omg what have my troublesome sons done now

47:09 ROSS WHY YOU ALWAYS LYING??

48:09 Weak

48:24 Yeah, fuck off back to ‘Murica

48:34 Legit, can we acknowledge Ross did a great job (the actor). Really really well done, one of the best performances on the series tbh.

49:48 LMAO GET WRECKED PUNK BITCH

50:06 Dick just wanders about a lot on his own, huh?

50:50 What? What? I understand nothing of what the cockney guy is saying.

50:55 Me too, Hoob, the fuck.

51:00 RICH I SAW YOU

52:19 “Never put yourself in a position where you can take from these men.” Don’t omg I can’t, Dick, I’m weak, I can’t deal with these fucking feelings.

52:36 DAFUQ

52:40 OHHHH I get it. Right. Dick, you’re so smart. It’s a little sad they have to do all that just to get some answers and guidance but tbh it’s probably fair? Gotta be top secret so punk bitches like Ross can’t screw things up.

53:30 Hey Nix. Speak French to me any day.

53:48 Unf.

54:08 LMAO Lieb, how many cigarettes do you need!

54:10 NGL I paused here for a little while.

55:05 We could ALL use some brass knuckles, Joe/Charlie. Mood.

55:25 LOL Lieb is so nosy.

56:15 Oh no

57:00 Luz LMAO

57:10 Oh babies

57:13 Bill LMAO that’s not ice cream, yuck it looks like soup

57:28 God. All that effort. Not just logistically but emotionally, mentally, psychologically, to prepare, just to have it put off. Fuck.

57:38 That movie again. Poor boys.

57:47 That’s actually a really smart move, Johnny.

58:41 Oh no. I would lose it completely. Oh Bill </3

59:11 Naw, Dick dawdling around again

59:49 RICH I SEE YOU

1:00:08 AAAHHHH IT’S TOO CONFRONTING DON’T

1:00:48 NOOO I CAN’T aw Bill

1:01:09 Naww

1:01:16 RIIIIICH

1:01:20 It’s like they’re kiddies on a field trip and Dick is the teacher wrangling them lol

1:01:47 Lol their crap is so heavy Dick has to help pull them up. That’s actually really sweet.

1:01:51 I wish I could hold Rich’s hand

1:02:08 Oh God. I can’t. Like he’s helping them up BUT IT’S ALSO HIS WAY OF SAYING GOOD LUCK AND GOODBYE AND HAVING LIKE A MOMENT TO CONNECT WITH EACH OF THEM I CAN’T LIKE THE EYE CONTACT NO DICK STOP

1:02:19 LMAO at them having to shove each other into the plane

1:02:23 That look between him and Roe. Ugh. Like. You two gotta take care of your boys together. Brotp

1:03:22 Can someone explain the block on that guy’s helmet to me?

1:03:55 I’m sad. And scared. This series is so confronting. I’ve watched in annually since I was like 16 and I’m still so nervous for them.

1:05:37 Rich, I see you! I recognized his chin lmao

1:06:16 God, Dick be careful

1:10:00 This show. The feels. Every time.

[morwensteelsheen]

Can't recall if you've answered this but any headcanons on Faramir's relationship with Imrahil and the other Dol Amroth family members? And just what would they make of him having a fear of the ocean as you've mentioned before?

Oh yeah so I did a bit of that here under the guise of Éowyn, so if it sounds like I’m sort of repeating things that’s why. Here’s Faramir’s side —

Lothíriel

 I’m going to start with her because I think she’s my most controversial take. I don’t really see her as this firebrand as I think the general fanon interpretation is. Instead, I sort of envision her as similar to Finduilas in that she’s a bit more Content with the state of the world and her relationship to it than e.g., either Éowyn or Faramir. Because of this I think Faramir always sees her very much as The Younger Cousin in a way that isn’t necessarily true for any of the Dol Amroth youths. I think he’s maybe a bit conflicted about her marrying Éomer, though largely because I see that as a political marriage whereas he and Éowyn just aren’t. And I think because obviously Éomer and Aragorn are so close, he sees Éomer in the same age bracket (if that’s even possible with these Númenórean weirdos) and not so much with Lothíriel. I don’t think they have a hugely close relationship, but I think the common fanon interpretation that they’re both really into music is delightful and something I sign up to very happily. I think largely they’re maybe not as close as some portrayals (including some of my own) show them. That said, I think they do have a lot of similarities, and I think the people that come to their family dynamic late (Éowyn, Éomer, Aragorn) see it more clearly than they do. I think Lothíriel is more given to that sort of old-world longing that Faramir is, though maybe not in as overtly an intellectual way, and I think she certainly figured herself as a guardian of certain moral and political norms, which Faramir definitely does. Still, Faramir’s like a year away from entering the army (in my HC) by the time she’s born, and that plus the inevitable gendered divisions means they’re maybe not super close. Éowyn’s latter day relationship with Lothíriel certainly changes that though, and this is not to say that they’re exactly distant. They’re just not besties.

Amrothos

I didn’t actually realise this was a controversial take until quite recently? But Amrothos is a HUGE nerd to me. He’s basically Faramir if Faramir got to play al his personality faults to the end instead of being forced to engage with reality/politics as they really are. And not that Faramir exactly does that a huge amount pre-death of everybody he loves, but Amrothos really doesn’t have to do it. Actually in a lot of ways Amrothos is my shameless self insert whenever I write in that he’s a huge dweeb who isn’t super interested or capable of interacting with other people and mostly self isolates. I like Altariel’s interpretation (on AO3) that he’s there for the Osgiliath bridge but in my HC he’s way, way more sheltered than that. It’s no knock on him, I think in a lot of ways he ends up acting as a brilliant bridge between the Third and Fourth Ages aa someone who remembers the war but isn’t necessarily scarred or made cynical by it, but definitely believes more in the prosperity of peace etc. He and Faramir get on like a fucking house on fire; at first, when he’s younger, Amrothos trails Faramir like a puppy, but later once F’s been to the war, he sees Amrothos more like a touchstone and definitely does whatever he can to spend time with him.

Erchirion

lmao I love the idea of Erchirion as a huge himbo???? I’m so sorry, he’s just my Lancelot and there’s really no avoiding it. Erchirion is the embodiment of what Faramir sees Boromir as: brazen, arrogant, a bit hedonistic. To clarify, I don’t think Boromir is these things, but I absolutely think Faramir casts Boromir in those terms when he’s at his crankiest. Erchirion, however, absolutely is those things and is supa, supa proud of it. He’s definitely got the most contentious relationship with Imrahil, but I think Faramir sort of treasures his relationship with Erchirion because it gives him the chance to gently tease/chide someone who, to him, embodies Gondor’r worst excesses. Though he and Erchirion of course are similar in that they are (for their pre-war lives) both the second son and therefore largely absolved of any real responsibility, I still think there’s a bit of a gulf there in that Faramir feels like this military shit is forced onto him by circumstance whereas Erchirion kind of picks it. Still, I think it’s sort of cathartic for F to rib Erchirion and Erchirion absolutely does not give a fuck because he’s rich, good looking, and connected to hella power.

Elphir 

I think they’ve actually got the closest relationship of all of Imrahil’s kids, largely because I think Elphir’s of a similar sort of attitude to Faramir. I think Elphir’s very much been moulded in Imrahil’s likeness, and I think he’s got that sort of flamboyant charisma I imagine Imrahil to have, but it’s been way, way toned down in light of his ongoing service in the war effort (whatever that looks like). Also, he and F are quite close in age so they’ve just had more time to mellow out their relationship and sort of play the Woe Is Me, War Is Shit stuff, which really brings them together. Elphir is married and a father well in advance of Faramir, and so I think Faramir occasionally looks at Elphir and sees something of what his life might have been like. Not in a bitter or jealous way, just in a very detached, academic sense of wonder.

Imrahil

I am getting hella deja vu here because I feel like I’ve said this before but I think Imrahil’s relationship to Faramir pre, say, TA3001, is basically exclusively familial with no political edge to it. Once Faramir comes Of Age relatively speaking, I think Imrahil realises Faramir’s far more amenable to taking divergent positions from his father’s line and tries to use that to his advantage. Not in a cruel way, just in a way that’s realistic about how politics works. Sometimes F agrees, sometimes he doesn’t. Either way, that long term negotiation with his uncle re: politics means that when they get to the point of F being steward, they’ve got a really good sense of how the other works and an inarguably honest relationship. Probably bluntly so. I’ve always imagined that Imrahil is the one to break the news about Denethor’s death to Faramir and that’s as much about defending his sister’s last living son as it is about protecting the fraught political situation.

Ivriniel 

I think Faramir constantly has a similar relationship to her that a rowdy teen might have to a strict mother. I don’t think that ever changes, even when he’s literally the Steward of Gondor and, in fact, I think that brings a tremendous and invaluable sense of normalcy to both of their lives. I think F doesn’t have any strong opinions on her and Éowyn sniping at one another except that it’s good craic.

The Faramir being scared of water HC is wholesale plagiarised from @khokali but I think Imrahil, Elphir, Erchirion, as sailors of some sort or another, are all fuckin merciless about taking the piss out of Faramir for it. Amrothos is sort of ambivalent except that he thinks it’s weird that Faramir doesn’t take even a distant scholarly interest in the sea, and Lothíriel is very, very empathetic but doesn’t really outwardly argue for that. Ivriniel absolutely does not give a fuck, she has more important things to think about than children being scared of water.

Edit: I should say— after a certain age I think Faramir is (correctly) taught that his emotions are very political, and so learns to be careful about who he reveals them to and when. Unfortunately, he cops to the ocean-fear stuff when he’s a kid so that shit sticks with him for life. It’s really not until Éowyn comes along that he learns how to process emotions as not inherently a political statement and as something that can be felt and understood independently of pragmatic considerations. So the Dol Amroth mafia know about the sea-fear, but nobody else does, and for a very, very long time it’s his only ‘visible’ weakness.

[edgythought]

Strangers in the Bar II

Part I  |  Part III

Alex Turner x OC (I guess??)

Description: Two lonely people observe each other in a bar. It leads to something nice. Word count: 2,982

Warning: swearing, alcohol consumption, smoking.

A/N: Nobody wants the second part but I am posting it anyway. Maybe, you'll enjoy. If you do, let me know! 

The time flew by like a super-modern spaceship through the deep void of silent space and my stay in LA was coming to an end about just as fast. I still didn't know if I liked the city or not. It was totally different from what I'd seen before, but the aftertaste wasn't that pleasurable as I thought it would be.  Maybe I was a prisoner of my own superstitions and prejudices, but I will never know. Moreover, Californian weather is just not my cup of tea, I would prefer something a lot more northern than constant heat and melting asphalt. But I must admit the city has its own unique vibe you cannot casually pass by, it wipes you away with its simultaneous boldness and sneakiness. 

It was a challenge for me not to think about the dancing dude I met the first night. Let's be clear, I hadn't fallen in love, but there was definitely a spark between us, even if it was a result of drinking too much. Some nights I even wanted to google him, but my drunk ass never asked for his name. His face looked familiar, like I've seen him before, but I couldn't remember for shit when and where. So, I gave googling up and continued with doing my stuff, which was a lot more important than some random guy I popped into at some bar. I thought it was a drunk adventure and this gave some assurance it will not happen again and I can move on. But I'd be lying if I said what happened didn't bother me in a way I didn't want it to. 

I was always very sensitive to vibes and energy people are emitting. That feature brought a lot of pain, but also a lot of understanding, so I tried to develop it as much as I could. And what I saw and sensed that night made me think about it way too much. I saw a lonely person trying to enjoy a simple moment of happiness, but I also saw a sharp mind and a visible ache in his eyes. I totally understand it may sound like an absolute bullshit, but I got the impression we were vibing at the same frequency in some way and it would be stupid of me not to admit I would do it again without thinking. And this fact was bothering me a lot. It was something I couldn't accept, like, how can it possibly be real — to meet a guy and have such a connection with him without even speaking to one another? Bear with me, I told my friends a lot, while sharing this story with them. But could I bear with myself? The answer is not really.

My time in LA is coming to an end, I thought, it would be nice to say goodbye where I started. To finish the adventure properly and leave for good.

It wasn't much later when I saw some familiar spots I observed while smoking near the bar on my first day in LA. Those palm trees were actually fascinating in a pastel background of the twilight sky, warm and so close you may have had a chance to touch it. There was no clouds whatsoever, so I took a pic of tree silhouettes to remember this beautiful view when I'm back home. What if Los Angeles becomes my home? I thought to myself strolling down the road, searching for a sign indicating a spirit-scented place. Soon enough I saw it on the other side of the street and rushed there. It wasn't as crowded as I remember it to be, but I guess that's going to change in an hour or so. I came too early, but I desired to get wasted and nothing was standing in my way so I just followed the waitress into the bar and crawled on the stool with all the grace I managed to find in my body. The bartender asked me what I'd like to have and I ordered "Orgasm" without thinking. Dude tried to make a joke out of it but unfortunately I wasn't impressed since I heard it way too much throughout my whole cocktail-drinking life. It was only funny the first couple of times. Anyway, I came to drink and I got what I wanted in 4 minutes. I spent the time glaring around, but there was nothing unusual for my eye to catch, just a bar, millions of them around the world. The music was on point, though. I thought it was a jukebox, the one you pay to put a song on, but I was wrong. Turned out, it was one of the bartenders who was in charge of music for the night and they took turns to be a DJ. At least, that's what I heard from the bartender, when I made a remark on the music. I was quite impressed, since it's mostly jukeboxes I saw in this kind of places. I found it pretty authentic and also very encouraging for the personnel to try their chances with music. What is more LA than that? 

My cocktail was tasty enough for me to distract myself with it for a while. My head was almost empty and I felt I achieved what I was striving for, so I needed to think what to do next. I was alone and a little bored. Maybe I can try to talk to someone? Just for the sake of having a conversation… - I thought - People are probably thinking I am a weirdo, I came alone and I drink alone. Well, this is who I am now and bitches shall accept that. Anyway, the drink was so delicious I finished it without realizing it. I ordered another one and decided it would be nice to smoke. 

When I got out I saw the last couple of minutes of the hot Californian twilight and was left to enjoy the early night. Cicadas were singing their oddly rhythmic song and I was inhaling smoke like it was my last cigarette on earth. It was nice to feel the relaxation spread from my chest to my hands and then knees. It felt nice having nothing to worry about for a night  and just do whatever your heart tells you to, even if it's totally stupid. The smoke twirled in the air above my head in irregular spirals. I watched it slowly dissolve in thick warm air, traffic noise making the whole experience a little bit ambient. I took out another cigarette and lit it from the previous one, as I had lost my lighter a few days ago and hadn't bought another one yet. I know, I know. My mind was in a weird state, I felt very calm and very nervous at the same time and I couldn't say what exactly caused it. I should probably stop drinking and smoking so much. But not today. 

My cigarette was quickly coming to an end as I watched people gathering near the bar entrance for a small chat or a smoke. I went back inside to continue my contemplation with a cocktail in my hand, but I was also determined to get to know someone. Maybe, that cute bartender who served the "dancing juice" will be back? I could talk to him, at least I did last time and it wouldn't be that awkward. But I haven't seen him today yet and I wasn't sure I will, therefore I decided to concentrate on people, cruising back and forth between table area and the bar itself. Everyone seemed very comfortable and friendly, but not a one familiar face in the whole room. Suddenly, I heard a phrase that made me jump on my stool and rush to the dance floor, occupied by two young men in weird shorts. 

Get on your dancing shoes!

I cannot explain why the indie tunes from 2000s made me so eager to dance, but they did and I was fine with it. I wiggled my ass to the beat, shook my head and pretended to sing the song to the boys in weird shorts. They somehow agreed to take part in my performance and the three of us had a very nice time dancing and jumping around for the next couple of songs. Soon I was very hot and went back to my place at the bar to take a sip of my drink and order a refill and some water. I went to the bathroom right after I saw the bartender nod at me, letting me know he heard what I told him, as the music was getting louder.

I was surprised to see there was no queue to the bathroom, so I used my chance not to hurry and take my time to fix my makeup and hair. I was even more surprised to see the bar crowded when I finished and I was absolutely flabbergasted to find my place at the bar occupied by some dick! Can you tell I went from 0 to 100 in a couple of seconds? My mood wasn't so great before but now it was pretty much spoiled. I saw the guy talk to the bartender and put my drink aside and my ass went off. Somehow in such situations I have a resting bitch face, which may serve an impression of me being unbothered, but it's not exactly how I felt then. I was furious because there was no other place to sit at the bar and it was just rude of the guy to sit on my stool, cause there was my drink, signifying it was occupied.

I came up to the dude and touched his shoulder to catch his attention. He turned around with half a smirk quickly changing into a look of surprise. I could feel my eyes grow in size when I saw who it was. "Is it fucking real?" - I asked myself, trying to be less shook. What an amazing coincidence, my stool at the bar was occupied by the dancing dude! - Who would have thought, am I right? — he said, fully turning to face me. — Not me, for sure. Get off my stool. — I shoo'd him from the stool but he didn't move a muscle. — Nope. You weren't sitting here when I came in, so it's mine now. — I raised my eyebrow in disbelief. — Don't be a little dick, you've seen my glass standing right here.  — I will buy you another one if you get off my dick. And once we are talking about that…. — he chuckled a bit. — You can sit in my lap if you fancy. My eyes widened, I was astonished by his bold move. — Are you flirting with me? — Who knows. So, mardy bum? Are you climbing in my lap or …? — he asked, looking attentively at my face with a wide smirk, pleased with himself. 

I threw my hands in the air silently and turned my back on him. I didn't fancy sitting in a random dude's lap, even if the dude was kinda hot and not actually random. Oh God, FUCK! He looked a bit different this time; his beard was trimmed and his hair was gelled back, black shirt and pants so tight I could probably see the outline of his underwear if he wore any. What a dweeb. I guess I'd recognized him instantly if I saw those pants. 

Why is this so embarrassing? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wanted to sass this bitch out, but I couldn't come up with anything merely appropriate for the situation, so I decided to ignore his questions and turned to take my glass. At this exact moment a very familiar and a really slow song came on.

I somehow lost my breath and fell into a spiral of memories I had associated with the song playing for a second. I was watching people dividing into pairs on the dance floor and it broke my heart a little. I remembered my ex-sweetheart holding me tight to him while this exact song played quietly in our apartment, right after the final fight we had. I remembered the emptiness I felt then and my eyes became too watery. I am not going to cry at the bar today, I told myself. No one was going to ask me to dance today anyway, I thought, and it stroke me pretty hard. I turned to go out of the bar to have a cigarette when the dancing dude touched my hand. I looked at him, struck by the sensation. He was offering his hand to me.

"Shall we dance a little?" 

I had no time to think properly and the whole situation felt a bit like deja vu. He was waiting for me to take his hand, eyes on me, wandering from hair to eyes, to boobs and back. I accepted his almost silent invitation and followed him to the middle of the dance floor.

When I'm around slow dancing in the dark Don't follow me, you'll end up in my arms

We were surrounded by different couples and that's one of the reasons I loved LA. It was just beautiful to see people simply dancing together. No one really cared what people might have thought of them, this is how it should be. He held my hands in his and as we're almost the same height I almost touched his long nose with mine. We remained silent while we were swirling in a very little space we had among all the people. His palms were soft and warm and I enjoyed his touch, even though I didn't want to admit it. 

Soon enough we got even closer and danced way slower. My lips were almost on his jaw as we were almost hugging each other to a sad song. Him being so close yet so far made me puzzled in some way. I didn't want this to happen and yet here I am, staring at dude's earlobes and gelled strands of wavy hair on the neck. Pretty view, should I say. He smelled exactly the same as I remembered and I found the smell heavenly complex. This sparked an idea to spend as much time in his arms as possible, but I shooed the thought away. It would be inappropriate.

I turned my head a bit to see his face clearly. His eyes were closed, but I could sense something going on in his head. He moved easily and graciously, even with me by his side and I was pleasantly surprised to realize he led me all the time we were dancing. I smiled a little to myself. It felt good to be in his arms and I decided it won't hurt to put my head on his shoulder, so I did. I took a deep breath, inhaling his cologne and smiled again. He tilted his head a bit, so it would touch mine. I thought about how we looked like on the dance floor seen by others. We probably look like two sad people dancing to a slow song, I sassed myself and shook my head a bit. Dude asked me if I was okay and I responded "sure". That was it, the whole conversation during the dance.

Can't you see? I don't wanna slow dance  In the dark

As the song was reaching its climax, we almost stopped moving at all. My hand that was placed on his shoulder slid down to his waist. He did the same with his hand, still holding mine. I liked him not pushing anything on me and appreciated the effort to be nice. It felt right to be this close to him somehow. I saw him lip-synching a little to the song and felt his warm breath on my cheek. I kept smiling as I watched his private performance. With the final phrase we stopped completely and just stood in each other's embrace for a couple of seconds longer than necessary. I didn't want to let him go. He seemed to feel the same. I blushed a bit, because it was getting awkward. Eventually, we split and I followed him to the bar.

He sat on a stool next to mine which appeared to be empty and gestured a bartender to come over. I sipped my cocktail, which I completely forgot about, to be honest. I was watching the dance floor and the dude turned to me and asked "Whatcha gonna drink, mardy bum?"

I did not expected that and took some time to proceed with the question. I looked at him, confused. "Nothing for now. Excuse me" i said and rushed to the bathroom. I didn't want to use it, however, I felt an urgent need to get away from his deep dark eyes inspecting my face. I turned on cold water and splashed some on my neck and chest to calm myself down. I guess I shouldn't have left like this, I thought, maybe I need to go back and try to have a normal conversation? I wanted to talk to someone less than half an hour ago. Oh no, there would be no conversation, darling, you will just stare at his face for an uncomfortably long time until he finds you creepy and leaves, I told myself. Well, this sucks but I have to go back anyway. I'd fancy a smoke, after all it was an experience and I definitely needed some nicotine in my system. I went out of the bathroom to finish my cocktail at the bar and found the dude's stool empty. It made me a bit sad, but I didn't say goodbye either, so it's only fair. I knocked my drink down and headed to the exit.

[jungshookz]

I rlly love librarian joon so much that ive been rereading it and i was wondering,,, maybe a drabble on how y/n gets a tutor for her philosophy (or any subject) class and they have lessons in the library and joon gets jealous esp when y/n tutor is obvioUSLY flirting with y/n but shes an oblivious walnut (we still love u y/n) and he gets kind of insecure that y/n doesnt ask him for help instead and constantly ditches him for tutoring lessons and overall just seems to have more fun with her tutor

→ pairing: kim namjoon x reader

→ genre: librarian!joonie is back!!!!, let me introduce you all to arthoe!taehyung, oblivious!y/n, fluffy times + lil bit of angst + tinY bit of smut u know how it be 

→ wordcount: 3.4k

(gif isn’t mine!)

namjoon usually doesn’t take things personally because he’s groWn and he has better things to fret over

but sweetie

he is FREttING over this very very hard

you decided to take up art history this semester and you didn’t want to sLip so you hooked yourself up with a tutor

you just came out of nowhere and you were like hey by the way i can’t hang out after class today because i have my first tutoring lesson and namjoon was like ?? do you have another philosophy exam or something

“nah i don’t have any more exams i’m just taking art history this year and i want to be ahead of everything and stuff”

wha-

namjoon thinks that he makes a pretty good tutor himself and he would totaLLY memorise 100 books worth of information so that he could teach you because that’S how much he cares for u

but of course he doesn’t think much of it because yeah it makes sense

art history isn’t namjoon’s specialty so obviously you would reach out to someone who’s actually learning the stuff

okay

whatever it’s fine

“okay! are we still going for dinner?”

“i’ll let you know but honestly probably not?? i’m behind on coursework and taehyung’s going to go over everything that i missed which is a lot!!! i’ll text you later dweeb” namjoon doesn’t even get the chance to respond before you’re leaning down to give him a quick peck and then you just yeEt out of the library

….taehyung

your tutor is a guy

which is fine!!!! totally fine

he’s just curious as to who this taehyung guy is

he’s not like a super jealous freak of a boyfriend it’s all good

namjoon purses his lips before shrugging to himself and bringing his attention back to his laptop

about 20 minutes pass and namjoon’s phone buzzes on the desk

‘we’re still on for dinner!!! i’ll meet u outside the library at 6’

hAh

see

nothing to worry about

hey

so

remember the thing namjoon said about having nothing to worry about

now he has something to worry about

it’s nearing 6:45 and you still haven’t shown up

namjoon sighs and leans against the front door

he could go back into the library but he already set up the alarm system for the night and he locked everything up

god it’s cold tonight

he shudders and wraps his coat tighter around himself

where are you??

and right on cue namjoon’s phone starts ringing in his pocket

he scrambles to unlock his phone and he brings it up to his ear

“y/n?”

“joon?? i’m so sorry!!!! i completely forgot about dinner i didn’t even know how quickly time was going by!!!”

“it’s fine, don’t worry about it!” namjoon clears his throat and musters a smile “i’ll see you tomorrow?”

it’s good that you’re taking your studying more seriously

yeah it kinda sucked standing out here in the cold for literally 45 minutes but u know what it’s greAt that you’re so passionate about learning new things now

“uh-huh! oh, i have to tell you aLL about taehyung he’s hilarious and he taught me so sO much and i didn’t even know studying could be this much fun! anyways i promise i’ll make it up to you-”

uh

UM

U M

what’s thAT supposed to mean

was studying philosophy with namjoon not fun???? he made like a shiTload of fancy flashcards and you seemed like you were having fun!!!

namjoon presses his lips together to keep himself from saying anything snarky even tho he really wants to

“i’m sorRy i’m sorry i’m soRRy i’M sorrryyyyryryryryyrryyr-“ you whine and slump in namjoon’s arms when he opens them up to give you a hug when you come in the next day

“it’s hard to hug you when you’re all floppy and boneless.” namjoon chuckles and you stand up straight before wrapping your arms around his neck loosely

you stand up on your tip-toes to give him a peck or two (or three or four or five) and namjoon hums contently

you should ditch him more often if it gets u to act like this (just kidding he didn’t like being ditched it was awful)

he has you sandwiched in between the book cart and himself and you’re not usually a PDA kinda gal but you can work with this

“do you forgive me?” you adjust his tie and namjoon leans down a little to sneak another kiss from you

“i haven’t decided yet.” namjoon jokes and you let out a small whine

“maybe if you take a quick break.,.. we can go into the backroom..,.,., i’m sure i can find other ways for you to forgive me.,,” you whistle and trace your finger along his chest and namjoon scoffs playfully before stepping aside and letting you out of the bookcart-namjoon sandwich

“i forgive you, don’t worry about it, hm? i’m sure it won’t happen again.”

“yes, you’re right! it won’t happen again. …and i wasn’t kidding about the backroom thing.”

“tempting, but… someone was being a little too loud in there last time.” namjoon pokes your nose before sliding a couple books onto the shelf and wheeling the cart back to the front counter

meanwhile you’re trailing behind him the whole time

“touché. you’re coming over to my place this weekend, right?”

“correct” namjoon opens the little gate to let himself behind the counter

“good!!! i made sure to fluff up your pillows anD i put the shirts and boxers that u left last time in the drawer”

“oh, i get my own drawer already?” namjoon teases and although you roll your eyes your cheeks are starting to heat up

ya he has his own drawer now so what it’s not a biG deal okAY

“ooh, by the way - do you think i can study here today?” you point over to the lounge area where your backpack is thrown haphazardly over the couch and your notes and pens are scattered everywhere

..classic

“the classroom that we usually go to is booked up.” you lean over the counter and give namjoon your cutest pout “and i already told taehyung to meet me here”

ah

right

taehyung

he still doesn’t know who the guy is

whoever he is he made you ditch dinner but namjoon isn’t biTTer or anyThing

namjoon rolls his eyes playfully “don’t look at me like that, you. of course you can study here! just make sure to keep it quiet and stuff since this is the library, after all”

hey

spoiler alert: namjoon agreeing to let you study here was a big fat MISTAKE

why do bad things happen to good people

in this case the bad thing is kim taehyung and the good person is namjoon in case that wasn’t already painfully obvious

namjoon resists the urge to roll his eyes when he hears another giggle slip past your lips

yes

he loves the sound of your giggle

but noT when it’s caused by kim taehyung

namjoon peeks over the top of his book to look over at you two again

what even is he wearing

are those shoes from guCCI

he has dad-looking square framed silver glasses which look a loT lamer than namjoon’s thick-framed glasses in his humble opinion

and he’s wearing a dangly earring but it’s only in one ear like if ur going to wear dangly earrings u might as well wear them in both ears

and he’s wearing a beret???? this is the LIBRARY this is not PARIS

cE N’EST PAS PARIS

taehyung leans forward and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear before grabbing the leg of your chair and pulling you closer as you continue to babble on about something

meanwhile namjoon’s just sitting behind the counter gawking at the two of you

what is happening????? what the hell is this??????

“now, lift your hand.” taehyung’s baritone voice is suddenly all namjoon can focus on

jesus

his voice is like.,.,. smooth dark chocolate.,.,,. warm honey.,,.,.,.smokey,.., bbq sauce?,.., the point is namjoon sounds like a frog going through puberty compared to taehyung

namjoon is very obviously staring at the two of you now he’s not even going to try and hide it

“-the elegantly, loosely held hands from da vinci probably represent the most exquisite drawing of hands in the history of art…” taehyung hums and presses his hands against yours before loosely intertwining his fingers with yours “every detail of the long fingers and the beautifully modulated shading produces a convincing effect of reality so that one can almost know the person from her hands…” he pulls away and traces his finger from the tip of your middle finger down to your wrist

hausdhKJSHFJKHDS

is that allOWED ??? is that alloweD????????

namjoon is noT going to let this.,.., this.,,.,., ART HOE steaL you from him

and that’s when the lightbulb appears above his head

art history can’t be thAt hard to master…right?  

long ass story short: namjoon spends the entire night going through your syllabus and making sure he’s brushed up on all of the topics so that when he teaches you he’ll have somewhat of an idea of what he’s talking about

he took out a bunch of history books and lugged them all home and he has sticky notes everywhere and his brand new notebook is full of information relating to art history

he pauses and stops typing and leans back against his chair

what the hell is he doing

he’s seriously going to sit here the whole night doing research on a topic he’s never studied before because HE wants to be the one to teach you instead of stupid taehyung

….the answer is yes

namjoon adjusts his glasses and begins typing out his notes again

“the elegantly loosely held hands represent the most exquisite drawing of hands in the history of art…” namjoon mocks taehyung when he gets to a part in the textbook where it talks about da vinci “i bet he has some kind of hand fetish.,,. that beret-wearing weirdo”

maybe he’s being a little too harsh

namjoon is not a mean-spirited person

he’s just not used to.,..,,. relationship.,,., things..,., and the..,., the jealousy thing

he thinks that it’s stupid that he’s jealous but he can’t help it okay

he can be insecure sometimes and right now he’s kinda insecure because taehyung is smooth and handsome and charming and namjoon is weird and awkward and dorky but like in an endearing way??? kinda?? and-

u know what he’s not going to worry about this he doesn’t have time to worry he needs to write out these notes

the point is  

these are unfamiliar waters

he lets out a small breath

okay

nice and calm

everything’s good

EVERYTHING IS NOT GOOD

EVERYTHING IS BAD AND EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE AND THIS LIBRARY’S LOCATION IS IN HELL

“aw, joonie, that’s awfully sweet of you, but you didn’t have to! taehyung has it covered.” you coo and reach up to cup namjoon’s cheek “okay i’m going to go back to-“

“wait- you don’t even wanna try studying with me?? l-look, i made flash cards and everything!” namjoon sets the textbooks down on the counter with a thud before reaching over and grabbing the whole stack of multicoloured flash cards

“well, maybe we can study together… later! you really didn’t have to do all of this for me…” you trail off and furrow your brows

namjoon did a LOT of work like he filled out an entire notebook with notes and this is a thicc stacc of flashcards

“plus you need to dust the bookshelves, don’t you? why don’t you go ahead and do that?”

“y/n, you coming back?” you look over your shoulder and taheyung’s looking over at you worryingly and you wave him off

“yes! hold on, i’m just-“

“c’mon come sit let taehyung take a pee break or something let’s do some study- oH OH u know what i actually have a surprise for you!” namjoon rifles through his papers before sliding a brochure over to you “there’s an art exhibition in town this weekend! i can take you!!!!”

namjoon’s not aware of this but you’re not really paying attention to him because you’re looking through all the notes he wrote out for you

this is a loT of work how long did he take to write all of this down

you look up at him when you realise he’s stopped talking “sorry what was tha-“

“y/n! c’mon, i was just getting to the good part of the book.” taehyung suddenly appears behind you and wraps his fingers around your wrist

“oh, yep! okay, uh-“ before you know it taheyung’s dragging you back to the couch and you shoot namjoon a sheepish smile

it’s officially been three weeks since taehyung became your tutor

and these have been the worst three weeks of namjoon’s life

after the whole desperation act everything’s just seemed to get worse and worse and woRSE

suddenly taehyung is sucking up all of your time

you can’t grab a bite to eat with joon because taehyung wants you to watch a documentary to learn more about the mona lisa

you can’t hang out with joon in general because you’re spending every free minute studying your ass off

and all of these things have a common link

KIM TAEHYUNG

oOH god namjoon has never actively hated a person before but there’s always time to try new things!!!!!!!! HE HATES HIM

but this

this is just the iCIng on the cake!!! the cherry on the sundae!!!!!! the KICK IN THE ASS

“where are you going?? i thought we were finally going to grab some dinner together.” namjoon raises a brow when he notices you beginning to pack up early

“tae’s taking me to some art exhibition because he says it’s better for me to see the pieces up close rather than through the textbook” you hum as you start packing up your things “but don’t worry! i’ll make it back in time for dinner!!!”

namjoon’s eye twitches

u

you’re going to

you’re going to the art exhibition…. with taehyung……….. but u didn’t want to go when he suggested it.,,.,,.,.

“oh. i see.” namjoon slaps his book shut and clears his throat

you look over your shoulder before turning around

“…something’s wrong.”

see you have a thick skull but not to the point where you can’t see that something is obviously wrong

namjoon can practically hear the gears click-click-clicking away in your head as you stare at him blankly while trying to figure out what it is….,,. you did wrong,.,.,. ??

namjoon looks up at you and raises a brow “nothing’s wrong.” he shrugs casually before checking the time on his watch “you should probably head out to meet tae soon.” he murmurs a liTTLe more aggressively than he would’ve liked to murmur and brings his attention to his laptop

click-click-click-click-click

oh

OH

OH SHIT

oOOOohHHhHHH

“aw, joonie… i’m sorry!!!!” you pout and bend down and wrap your arms around him from behind as best as you can

“have i not been giving my doting boyfriend enough attention?” you tease and pop a kiss on his cheek before propping your chin up on his shoulder and namjoon lets out a sigh and stops typing

“cut it out, y/n” namjoon mutters and shrugs you off and you let out a breath

damn

he really mad

“namjoon, c’mon. i’m sorry, alright? i should’ve- you know how thick i am sometimes i thought tae was just being friendly because he seems like a naturally touchy person!”

“no one that friendly ever has friendly intentions.” namjoon turns around in his wheely chair to face you and raises a brow  

“i’m sorry, joon. really, i am.” you plop yourself down on his lap and wrap an arm around his neck before leaning down to rest your head on his shoulder

his arm slinks around your waist and he rests his other hand over your lap

“no, you don’t have anything to apologise for… it’s just me and my dumb insecurities.” namjoon coughs and you pop up immediately

“what insecurities?”

“i… i dunno… taehyung is… well, he’s not ugLy, that’s for sure.,., and he seems like he’s pretty well-off with his gucci shoes and his fancy berets.,.,. aNd he seems super smart like i heard him speaking fluent french and yA i can speak french too but not thAt well and whenever i hear him explaining things to you he’s super well spoken and it makes me feel like maybe i… maybe i’m not good enough for-“

“Don’T finish that sentence. don’t!!!” you gawk and furrow your brows

how could he even think that???

“you have absolutely nothing to be insecure about. i don’t like taehyung like that, i like you. i don’t care about his gucci shoes and his french and his fancy terminology.,.,, i only like him because he makes tutoring really fun! i like you, okay? you with your dorky glasses and your grandpa cardigans and your big, big… brain!” you beam at joon and he scoffs and rolls his eyes “if it makes you feel any better i think his cologne is waY too overpowering.”

“huh. that oddly does make me feel a little better.” he hums and you grin before leaning in to give him a kiss

you tilt your head to deepen the kiss and your hand slides up namjoon’s chest to fiddle with his tie

namjoon nudges you off his lap and you’re confused for a split second but then he’s pulling you down so that you can straddle him

“how much time do you have before you have to meet taehyung?” namjoon asks innocently although his hands are not so innocently sliding down your back and getting dangerously close to underneath your skirt

he buries his face into the crook of your neck and starts planting warm kisses on your skin  

you glance at his laptop over his shoulder “mm, 20 minutes?” you breathe out and let out a gasp when namjoon bucks his hips slightly

“is the,, uh.,, the act of forgiveness that you owed me for ditching me last week.,.,., is that still a thing?” namjoon pulls away and you nod quickly because YES it is still very much a thing “…u wanna… help me restock some books in the backroom before you leave?”

…u don’t even need to answer that question

taehyung enters the library to see that nobody is at the front desk

you were supposed to meet him by the math building but u didn’t show up.,., so naturally he decided to come to the library

he raises a brow and looks around the empty library

where-

“oh my god, namjoon!”

tae’s eyes pop out of their sockets when the silence is suddenly broken by a very loud moan

is that

is that u

oh my god

“yes, please, oh my god yes-“

…he’s just going to wait outside for you

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

masterlist

[ayma-nidiot]

In the White Light - Prideshipping fic chapter 4

Chapter 4 – My Blackened Heart, Scorched by Flames

“Kaiba…”

“Huh?” Kaiba had remembered being in his duel with a weirdo named Alister a mere few seconds ago. So why the hell was he floating in a spacious room with two ice sculptures? “I must be hallucinating. Why else would the Dark Magician Girl be talking to me in a room that doesn’t really exist?”

“Kaiba, you have been chosen to awaken the might dragon Critias… All you have to do is remove the sword.”

“Excuse me?” Kaiba gave up trying to understand what he was doing there and simply did as he was told. He soon learned that these were not ice sculptures, but dragons encased in ice, as Critias broke free of his prison.

“Now join forces with the dragon.”

“Anything to shut you up. …There. Now can you please awaken me from this dream?”

Kaiba’s hand lingered on the top card of his deck as he simply stared into space. In the real world, he still floated – but this time, it was on the Seal of Orichalcos.

“What’s wrong, Kaiba?” Alister, Kaiba’s opponent in this match, waited impatiently at the other end of the Seal. “Are you going to play your card or not?”

Kaiba said nothing, but merely scowled at Alister as he drew his next card. Am I still dreaming? I never put this card in my deck! …Still, it looks exactly like the dragon from my dream. I just pray to all that is good that it’s not another one of Alister’s tricks.

No! Dark Magician Girl’s voice played in Kaiba’s head again. You must use that card! It’s the only way to beat Alister!

“I now play Fang of Critias!”

“What? You can’t play that card!”

“Ah, but I can!” Kaiba slammed the card on his Duel Disk, revealing a face-down card at the same time. “Now I’ll fuse my Fang of Critias with my Crush card to create a new monster! Behold!”

“Seto, I wish you would stop saying ‘behold’ every time you played a good card…” Mokuba would have frowned, had he not believed his brother now had the upper hand.

“Shut up, Mokuba,” Kaiba scolded as Critias began to fuse with the trap card.

“What the hell? You can’t fuse a trap card with a monster!”

“Looks to me like I just did, Alister! Hahaha!” Now that the fusion was complete, Kaiba ordered, “Rise up, Doom Virus Dragon!”

“Hah! Big deal. My monsters are way stronger than yours!”

“This game isn’t just about attack points. Doom Virus Dragon also has a special ability: it can destroy all monsters on the field with attack strength of 1500 or more! And now that your monsters are gone… My dragon, attack Alister’s life points directly!”

“Oh, you haven’t beaten me yet, Kaiba. Reveal my face-down card, Contagion of Madness! So while I lose 1900 Life Points, you also lose 950 thanks to my magic card!”

As the Doom Virus Dragon fell to the Contagion of Madness, Alister lost the remainder of his LP – and so did Kaiba. “It’s a draw!”

Mokuba refrained from trying to get close to his brother – that was, until the Seal of Orichalcos stopped shaking, and disappeared along with Alister, knocking Kaiba backwards. “He’s gone!”

“This isn’t over, Kaiba!” Alister’s voice temporarily remained. “I’ll be back to make sure you pay for what your father did to me!”

After Alister had disappeared for good, Mokuba asked, “Seto, what does he mean ‘what your father did to me?’”

“…It’s a long story. Apparently, Father had destroyed his village to expand KaibaCorp’s influence, and in the process his kid brother was killed. What it has to do with me, I don’t know and I don’t really care.”

“That’s mean! His little brother is dead, and you’re saying ‘I don’t care?’ So what then, do you not care about me?”

“Does not giving you all your food, clothes, and toys not count as ‘caring about you,’ ingrate?” Kaiba yelled.

“…Seto…” Mokuba instantly started crying. “I’m sorry… I’m a terrible brother.”

“No, Mokuba, I should be the one apologizing… Still, I can’t say I fully understand what’s going on, so I think I need to do some research into this ‘Seal of Orichalcos’ and ‘guardian dragon’ business. If Alister really is going to try to duel me again, then I need to learn all I can about him and what his agenda is.”

As Kaiba motioned to leave, Mokuba asked, “Can I help you, Brother? Please?”

“If you’re aware of the danger, then okay. …And again, I apologize.”

______

Kaiba had spent the week calling everyone he knew to get information and researching on the Internet. Unfortunately, half of the people he tried to call “had their souls stolen (whatever that meant)” and the other half were more useless than wet paper. Maximillion Pegasus, to whom he now spoke over video phone in his office, was definitely the latter. “So you mean to tell me you’ve never created a card called ‘Fang of Critias’ or ‘Seal of Orichalcos?’”

“That’s right,” Pegasus answered from the other end of the phone. “Just like those ‘Pyramid of Light’ and ‘Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon’ cards. I think you’ve got yourself a new enemy, Kaiba boy.”

“Ya’ think?”

“Hey now, don’t get mad at me for something that’s not my fault… It’s just the truth.”

“I don’t think I have anything else to say to you… Bye.” Kaiba dropped the phone into the cradle and rolled back in his seat. Just as he wanted to take a nap, Mokuba let himself in the office. “Mokuba, what is it?”

Mokuba offered Kaiba tea and biscuits before asking, “So did you learn anything?”

Kaiba took a sip of the tea. “Nothing, except that Pegasus is a useless son of a bi- son of a gun. Apparently, the Seal of Orichalcos isn’t one of his original cards.”

“You think some big scary god… monster… thing might be behind it?”

“Probably. But I don’t even know where to start looking! What if that smug Alister comes knocking at my door?” Kaiba gritted a tea biscuit between his teeth.

“Why don’t you try asking Yugi and his friends!”

“No. Anything but that.”

“But they’re really good at finding trouble! Especially that… um… really tall version of Yugi. I think the pharaoh dude.”

Kaiba hid his blush behind the teapot at the mention of Yami Yugi. “Hmm… You may be on to something, Mokuba. Doesn’t make me any more excited to see the Dweeb Patrol again. Anyway, thanks for the tea and biscuits. Guards!”

“Yes?” Two German men entered the office.

Kaiba gave Mokuba a few ¥10000 bills before instructing his employees, “Take Mokuba into town and get him something nice. He deserves it for being such a good brother.”

Mokuba’s face beamed. “Th-Thank you, Seto! Bye!”

When Mokuba and Kaiba’s employees left, Kaiba put his head down on his desk. The pharaoh… Why didn’t I try calling him?

________

“Kaiba… Why are you here again?”

Kaiba had awakened to the chamber in which he met Dark Magician Girl – and the last dragon was no longer there. “That’s what I should ask you. Can I have a… I don’t know, a more typical dream?”

“You’re troubled. I can tell.”

“And that’s your business because?”

“I think that helping save the world is very much my business.”

“So why should it be mine?”

“Because your company would probably be at stake if something bad happened to the world in which it resides.”

“Okay, now you have my attention. Can you tell me what I need to know?”

“Your enemy is a man name Dartz, and Alister is one of his henchmen. He’s interested in taking your company over… And if he succeeds, the fate of the world could-”

“Oh, that does it! I’m going to give that bastard Dartz a piece of my mind! Thank you, Dark Magician Girl.”

“You’re welcome! But please… Find the other two chosen ones…”

_____

Kaiba felt no grogginess as he stood right up and motioned to arise from his desk. “All right, Dartz, just wait until I- Hm?”

The video phone on his desk rang, prompting Kaiba to sit back down.

“KaibaCorp, this is the man who’s about to kill you for interrupting my otherwise great day speaking- Oh. If it isn’t the blondie of the Dweeb Patrol.”

“My name’s Joey Wheeler, you jerk, and don’t you forget it!”

“Hey, Joey, you’re supposed to be nice to him, remember?” Téa whined.

“Shit, I forgot…” Joey quickly changed his demeanour. “I… don’t suppose you could lend us one of your private jets?”

“And what makes you think I would lend you something you don’t deserve?”

“Please, Kaiba!” Tristan showed himself and begged. “We’re stuck in the middle of the desert and we don’t even know where the nearest grocery store is!”

“You made your bed, so sleep in it.”

“But we need to find Dartz’s other henchmen! Yug’s already found his guardian dragon, Timaeus… And get this, I got a dragon called Hermos!”

“Did you say ‘Dartz?’ And ‘guardian dragon?’”

“Yeah! But… um… There’s something else I gotta tell you. Yug got his soul stolen by Rafael, one of the henchmen, after he lost a duel to him.”

Kaiba remained silent for a few seconds before saying, “Did you say… Yugi lost?” He took a look around the video, and noticed Yami Yugi in the corner, looking down in shame. The dweebs must be talking about the Yugi who’s half my height. But the pharaoh… Why… did he lose?

“Joey, dammit all, you weren’t supposed to tell him that!” Duke smacked Joey upside the head. “Uh… Yeah. That’s the long and short of it, Kaiba. So pretty please?”

“Go to hell, all of you!” And with that, Kaiba slammed the phone into the cradle. “Yugi… he lost!”

Mokuba had just come back from his shopping trip and had already put his purchases back in his room. Coming back to Kaiba’s office, he asked, “Seto? What just happened?”

“That fucking Yugi lost against some fucking nobody!” Kaiba arose sharply, knocking over everything on his desk.

“H-Hey, calm down!”

In the span of ten seconds, Kaiba’s back began to burn, and he could feel strong butterflies in his stomach. “Yugi…”

“Seto!” Mokuba didn’t care that Kaiba looked ready to kill him, he approached him anyway. “Snap out of it!”

“Rafael!” A giant sapphire appeared on Kaiba’s forehead as the windows overseeing much of Domino City shattered. “You are going to pay for what you have done!”

“Brother, what’s happening to you?” Mokuba simply fell to his knees in fear of what his brother had become – a wondrous but fearsome dragon that he knew well. “Why did you turn into the Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon?”

“Raaaaawr!” In this form, Kaiba couldn’t speak – and instead he whipped Mokuba with his heavy tail, throwing the boy against the wall so hard that it shook the furniture.

“Ouch!” Mokuba began crying – loud enough for five of Kaiba’s employees to hear.

“Mokuba!” One of them led the other four to Mokuba’s side before pursuing Kaiba. “You monster! You’re not getting away with this!”

Kaiba ignored this declaration and merely flew out of the building at breakneck speed.

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Lost Cause ~ Benny Weir

A/n: Something new to help me with writer’s block and to get something out there while I watch MBSAV to lighten my recent dark moods. Benny reminds me of Stiles and I’m loving it. Enjoy! Or don’t. I suppose I can’t tell you what to do.

Ps. Thus fic really is a part one but I’m in denial so we’ll pretend I finally succeeded in writing a one parter.

Warnings: Evil Benny. ‘Nough said. Also you have ADHD? And a stutter? I kind of had this really soft, super dorky character in mind and so I’m going with that... BYE!

MASTERLIST

My hands practically choked each other as I walked, my nerves eating at my edges and hyping me up in the worst way. It was enough that my ADHD already had me bouncing in my chair but now I couldn’t even sit down, my rapidly beating heart pumping more blood through my veins than normal. I closed my eyes, running a shaky hand through my hair as I turned, walking the way I’d just come from as I paced. “Benny,” I faux greeted no one, pretending he was in front of me. I shook my head, forcing a too wide smile and leaning back a bit, my hands shooting out in front of me so that my arms were completely straight. “Heyyyyyy Benny boy!” Immediately I cringed, my fake smile wiping off my face. “Benny. Ben Ben Benny.” I began to mumble his name over and over again, the syllables mixing as my voice grew quieter and quieter. I sighed, shaking my head. “Hopeless,” I snapped at myself.

“Ethan!” I jumped, spinning around at the sound of the familiar voice. He wasn’t coming towards me as he was too far away to even notice me, let alone be calling my name, but his voice was enough to make my throat close as my palms started sweating. I saw Benny and Ethan talking, Ethan leaning closer so they could lower their voices as his eyes scanned the halls. Whatever they were talking about, they didn’t want anyone to hear.

I looked at Benny, agonized. I couldn’t even hear his voice- I would have no hope being close to him and having his eyes on me. I slumped against my locker rather loudly. This was supposed to be the day. After three years of secretly crushing on one of the biggest nerds in the entire town, I was still too much of a loser to talk to him. Which was saying a lot because if I was being honest, Benny was ALSO a loser! Just... higher up the Loser food chain than me. I wasn’t as knowledgeable about things and preferred Star Wars over Star Trek. I liked both of them but apparently the two different nerddoms didn’t appreciate cross mixing. You picked a side. Whatever. Being a geek was complicated I guess.

That wasn’t the only thing that was complicated.

People were complicated too.

Was it too much to ask maybe? Maybe he wouldn’t even like me. Maybe it would be like some nerd version of Romeo and Juliet. I knocked my head back against my locker harder than I meant to as I rolled my eyes at myself. The impact didn’t hurt too much, but it did create more noise than I meant it too. I could t focus on that though - I was too frustrated with myself. I was overthinking again.

The noise drew Ethan’s eyes to me and our gazes locked. He froze, an eyebrow raising in confusion to see that I was looking at them before he had glanced over. My eyes shot wide and I turned abruptly, tripping over myself but regaining my footing just in time to skip around the corner and out of sight. I pressed against the wall, the air knocked out of my chest.

He’d seen me looking. Oh gosh. I’d been told my whole life that I was a ghost- everyone could see right through me. Both because my emotions were plain and simple and out there for everyone to understand and also because I blended in perfectly. I was the bottom of the bucket. Back of the pack. I was the loser that other losers called a loser. It was used to being completely unseen. Now all I could think about was that Ethan had seen me... had he seen more than that? Could he tell that I liked Benny? Did he care enough to notice me long enough to pick that up? Would he and Benny laugh about some dweeb having a crush on one of them? Or would they talk about the weirdo watching them?

Facepalming, I groaned. God I was SERIOUSLY such a lost cause.

-

“Hey there,” a far too sweet voice greeted. It was someone nearby but no one talked to me so I simply ignored it. When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped, turning around. There stood Sarah of all people. She smiled and I swallowed. Why was she close to me? Looking at me? Talking to me? Oh gosh she was pretty.

Look I’ve had a crush on Benny for years- that doesn’t mean he’s the ONLY one that catches my attention. When a pretty girl is looking at you, a pretty girl is looking at you. “M-me?” I asked. The word came out like a sputtering engine starting on an old car- fast and choppy. I winced.

Sarah rose an eyebrow, obviously weirded out. Weirded out in the same way every normal, pretty girl was weirded out by a total mess of a person stuttering and stumbling and acting like a squirrel more than a person. I panicked a little. “Yeah, um, I just... wanted to ask if you were free this week? To hang out?” My eyes went wide and she tilted her head awkwardly. “Or maybe just have lunch?”

My mind went blank. It was no secret that she was friends with Benny and Ethan, though there seemed no reason for it since they were on opposite ends of the high school social scale. Still, it was fact, reason or not. If I sat with her I would most definitely run into Benny. YES! My brain was screaming at me so loud I almost listened. But then I thought, if I was near him, I would have every single chance to make a total fool of myself. “I’m sorry I can’t,” I answered, my heart sinking into my toes. There goes all my promises to get Benny on a date with me. The universe had aligned for some weird miracle to give me the chance to actually get close to Benny and I was turning it down.

I wasn’t just a mess or a loser. I was as coward too.

“But-“ Sarah began.

My energy drained and my self hate rising steadily, my shoulders sagged as I pushed by her. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, totally bummed out that I couldn’t get ahold of myself.

What a complete lost cause.

-

I don’t know WHAT had gotten into me, but with a surge of confidence I had never in my life had, I approached Benny Weir and tapped him on the shoulder. He faced me, looking me up and down with a disgusted look on his face, and I felt a part of me die in utter humiliation and embarrassment. WHAT WAS I DOING?!

A bigger part of me though screamed, demanding I ask him before my sudden insanity ran out and I was back to square negative six. “Hi Benny,” I greeted fairly evenly. He rose an eyebrow. “M-muh-“ Crap. I took a deep breath. “My name ih-is Y/n. You probably d-don’t... probably don’t know me,” I forced out, my words moving too fast as I worried he wouldn’t be able to understand me. I closed my eyes, cringing at myself for a second. “Um.” I opened my eyes. “I j-just wanted to know ih-if you would... go... to the movies? W-with me?”

There was a pause and a smile curled onto his face. My blood began rushing in my ears and I wondered if he could hear my body having a breakdown from the inside out. “Are YOU asking ME out on a date?” He scoffed. I saw the look of burning amusement on his face.

He had a toothpick in his mouth and my eyes followed it briefly as he moved it from the right side of his mouth to the left side. “I am,” I managed, nodding as I forced myself to stand tall.

A split second’s pause. And then he was leaning against the wall behind him, bending forward a little as he busted up laughing. I took a step back, feeling like he’d just slapped me. When he stood straight again, his eyes were cruel and dark and he looked at me like I was a complete moron. Really, I was. How could I have expected anything else?

“You?” He sneered. “You think I would want to go on a date with YOU?” I flinched, taking another step back, and he pushed off the wall. “Not even I would stoop to such a level as YOU. I’m not that desperate.” A whimper came out of the back of my throat as I took another step back, but he took a step forward, following me. People were beginning to look over but his wickedly amused sneer never left his face. “I mean I know I’m not top of the food chain.” He smiled. “Yet.” Another step back from me, another step forward for him. “But you must be on something STRONG to think I’d stoop so low.” My entire body was aching and I began to curl into myself. My steps ran out as my back pressed to some random lockers but he didn’t stop walking until he was in my face, his breath hitting my neck as my eyes trained on my feet, my body shaking. “Am I supposed to know who you are? Do I know you?” He might as well have punched me in the gut. My eyes began watering. This was about to get worse. “Are you CRYING?” He hollered. Now everyone in the hall was looking. “Pathetic,” he snapped. Then he placed a kiss on the top of my head and I flinched away from it. “Present from me to you. For your troubles,” he muttered, enjoying how my cheeks flushed despite how much he was hurting me. “Don’t insult me again, Sweetheart.” Then he was gone.

Ignoring everyone else around me I slid to the ground right there in the hall, having absolutely no energy to move and run away to break down in private. It wasn’t a big deal. A few seconds after the scene ended and Benny left, people got distracted by this or that or looked away because they didn’t want to be driven to even want to help me. Once their eyes were off of me, so were their minds. I squished myself against the locker and cried in plain sight, but I might as well have been invisible. No one saw me. No one cared.

A ghost. I was a ghost. I might as well have not been there at all.

-

After Benny’s brutal turn down, I kept my head down. WAY down. Like middle of the Earth kind of down. Right past Hell and straight into the planet’s core. The only time I ever looked at Benny or any of his friends was when my eyes stumbled upon them while I was walking, in which I would immediately turn right around and book it the other direction.

This honestly seemed to get me more attention than trying to talk to them. One time Sarah held a door open for me and I squeaked and ran all the way back home and missed the entire school day. Another time I bumped into Erica after turning a corner and she wasn’t at all nasty, just surprised, but when she saw I was about to cry she seemed utterly speechless in the second before I blazed past her like the Devil himself was on my trail. Ethan turned to me in the one class we had together to ask what the teacher had said because he’d been side tracked and missed it and I’d raised my hand and asked to go to the bathroom and then proceeded to run out of the room. The next time I came to class I sat at the opposite side of the class as him and it was obvious he had noticed, though I don’t know why. Another time Benny and I were next to each other in line and I left the line to go to the very back, keeping my head down and trying to even out my breathing again. I didn’t think he even noticed me.

Rory and I had actually talked to a few times, before my avoid-like-the-plague attitude toward Benny and anyone associated with him. Rory was the loser’s loser too and we often bounced off of each other. He brought out my brighter side and encouraged me to be myself. We fed off of each other’s energy and never grew tired around each other. We’d even hung out outside of the three classes we had together. We’d had lunch together a few times. If I could consider anyone a friend, it would be him. He always had patience and listened to what I had to say, no matter how long my stutter caused me to take in saying it. I genuinely loved to be around him. Since neither of us had anyone that gave us the things we gave each other in our friendship, we clicked really well and enjoyed hanging out more than anything.

That changed after the Incident with Benny. I shut him out and it obviously upset him. He kept approaching me and every time I would go the other way. He’d call my name and I’d duck down and disappear into the crowd. In class I pretended I couldn’t hear or see him or move far away so he couldn’t talk to me. He was getting upset and it killed me, but I was sure that Benny had told his friends about what had happened. Surely they knew just how pathetic I was, and I didn’t need pity friends or to run into Benny on accident while hanging out with one of them or someone trying to get new material on me to give to Benny to laugh about. If he even cared enough to send someone after me.

No, in all honesty my biggest worry with continuing to be friends with Rory was running into Benny since they were so close. I just couldn’t chance having a run in with him again, my frail self confidence couldn’t handle it. Rory wasn’t one to keep his mouth shut and let dead dogs lie, though. It was only a matter of time before he cornered me and forced me to draw a line that would most definitely hurt him. I would just avoid it as long as possible...

I didn’t succeed in avoiding it for long. Rory had me wedged into a corner, face contorted with frustration as his arms were on either side of me, hands flat on the wall behind me, boxing me in. “What the heck Y/n?” He demanded. “Why have you been avoiding me?” His eyes softened in genuine worry. He was a dork but he wasn’t as stupid as people thought. He just had a one track mind and a knack for looking at the world with a far too innocent, positive outlook. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Rory I want you to leave me alone,” I snapped, straightening my back. I was finally losing it, just in time to convince Rory that we weren’t friends so he would leave me alone and I could return to my invisible existence at the complete bottom of the barrel, alone and miserable. He seemed confused but before he could ask, I continued before I could lose my will. “I don’t want you to talk to me oh-or be around me. It’s- It’s time- we-” I swallowed and tried again. “I’ve finally reached my peak. You’re annoying and you drive me crazy and I just want to be left ALONE. Okay? C-Can you do that?” It was mean and I knew that when his arms dropped, it hurt him. But I was in shut down destructive mode and I needed him to be completely convinced that he had to leave me alone. “Can you do that?” I asked again. He nodded and I moved past him.

Just to run right into none other than Benny. Rory turned to face me and Benny saw his friend’s expression, his eyes turning to me in disbelief and even anger. It wasn’t the amused disgust from the last time we’d had a real interaction but it was just as painful to look at. My face twisted with regret and hurt and I turned, clutching my textbook desperately to my chest as I raced off, leaving the two boys alone behind me.

I’d never felt so terrible about myself in my life. And that was saying a lot.

High school being the lucky four years was such ridiculous idea. High school was as much of a lost cause as I was. Geez I just wish I could disappear into nothing...

The tears were falling before I even hit the bathroom.

-

Seeing Ethan and Benny draped in girls was weird enough of a day without suddenly being ambushed by the boys on my way home. I had just got off of work and had a weird feeling in my gut when I passed by Ethan’s house like always. Except, on this very weird, very special day, none other than Ethan Morgan himself rammed into me at full speed. “Hey!” I screamed.

Ethan and Benny were suddenly in front of me and I recoiled from them. “Don’t kill us!” Ethan squealed. I would have laughed at the high pitch of the words if I wasn’t preoccupied with my guts twisting. It was more than usual but Benny had always made me feel like I was floating on air. The night seemed to have brought my cloud nine experience straight to burning rage but I’d had too much of both experiences to act on my quickly changing emotions.

I was a little annoyed though, and it gave me much more confidence to stare them down than I would have had in different circumstances. “Why would I kill you?” I demanded, rolling my eyes. “You ran into me, you didn’t steal my book.” Both boys paused, seeming bewildered by my words. “What?” I demanded.

“The spell didn’t work on you?” Benny asked, tilting his head.

My eyes narrowed. “The WHAT?”

“No time!” Ethan shouted. “Come on!” I went to keep walking but he snagged my wrist. “You’re coming with us. I have some questions to ask you after this whole thing ends.” I had questions of my own honestly and that was the only reason I followed them. The longer I was around them the more angry I got, especially when they shoved me in a frickin’ cage along with them while each of them carried water guns as if they were real weapons.

Suddenly a familiar blonde girl by the name of Erica rammed into the cage door and we all jumped, screaming. “WHAT’S GOING ON?” I screamed. “WHY IS SHE TRYING TO KILL YOU?”

“Come unlock the door,” Erica purred, her teeth suddenly different. Her canines, I realized. They were sharp and long. Inhumanly so. Like... like a dog’s. Like...

“Vampire,” I choked just as sweet little Sarah rounded into sight, teeth matching Erica’s. Fear and shock and stress overwhelmed me and I moved into the far corner of the cage, sinking down until my knees hit my chest. Despite my easy reach, as more girls came they completely ignored me, their clawed hands reaching mercilessly for Benny and Ethan who climbed onto the chair in the middle of the cage, tangled up together and screamed in complete fear.

A lot had happened and my brain was racing. Spells? Vampires? Crazy girls? It seemed every girl at school was here and as my brain kept working too hard, too fast, over too much information- the sound started to seem to get trapped in my skull. It bounced and echoed and built upon itself until I was shaking, my fingers digging into my skull and trying to rip my hair out as my breathing went hay wire. It was too much. Too much. I was frozen stiff, the noise completely overwhelming me, and I couldn’t breathe.

I’d had an anxiety attack before and honestly after the weeks of complete social isolation and emotional repression just to have a day like today with my emotions being so strong and pushy and unbearable and now with all this new, shocking information and painfully loud noise that overwhelmed me and made everything shut down inside of me one by one... I couldn’t take it.

Panic attacks only lasted for a max of half an hour for me but right as the first one ended and exhaustion started to hit, my brain went all haywire because it was so tired out and a panic attack started all over again. I was trapped, terrified, and completely confused. I had three panic attacks in a row before I finally just passed out.

When I woke up, I was curled in a ball in the corner of the cage and the sun was barely rising in the sky. “Hey she’s awake!”

“No, YOU two get away from her! I can’t believe you dragged her into this! Geez if you hadn’t love charmed us we would have gotten her out of there! We saw her totally melting down and didn’t even think to do anything. I can’t believe you dragged her into this!”

“Dude she didn’t react to the Love Potion at all! She was a little aggressive but... I just wanted to be able to ask her what the heck was going on. Why she lashed out at Rory, why we see her staring at us all the time. Why she’s immune to my magic! Maybe she’s some... threat.”

“Threat?!”

“I don’t know! You have to admit it’s a little shifty...”

Sitting up, I blinked the daze out of my eyes. Benny and Sara were outside of the cage to one side of me, arguing, and Ethan and Erica were inside the cage on the other side of me, blocking the way out. Ethan leaned down as Erica rolled her eyes, zooming at near the speed of light to the other side of the cage, dragging Benny away aggressively since his yelling was upsetting me. I watched her with wide eyes as Sara entered the cage at a normal pace, shooing Ethan away. She took his spot. When I turned to her it was me who spoke first. “Vampires?” I choked out, near hysterics.

She looked upset, her eyebrows drawn in and her eyes large and watery. “I’m so sorry.” She gushed softly, reaching out. I flinched away from her and her hand dropped, her frown deepening. “Before we ask you anything, you have the floor. I’ll answer any question. Take as long as you need.”

Closing my eyes, I took deep, even breaths to try and calm down. “Are y-yuh-y-you-y-guh-g-going-“ I cut off, my frustration making my breathing get faster which made my anxiety rise as my heart raced faster.

“Hey don’t rush,” she soothed.

“Rory,” I forced out, shaking now. “G-guh-get-get-get-g- RORY.” She was surprised by my outburst but stood. “FAST!” I added. I blinked and she was gone. Not two seconds passed and she was back, Rory by her side.

“Everyone get back!” He called, his voice firm and his face serious but his volume lowered to not hit at my weaknesses. He knew I hated yelling. He kneeled down, a foot away from me to give me space. “Y/n.” He said my name slowly as my hands rose, one flattening against my chest and the other wrapping loosely around my throat. I hadn’t had this many panic attacks in so few conscious hours in a very long time. Since my parents divorced. “Hey,” he eased, staying where he was. “Hey.”

Closing my eyes, I tried to breathe, reaching a hand out to him from my curled up shell. He immediately moved, slowly, toward me so that he could take my hand in his. After a second I looked up and he pulled me out of my shell and up to my knees so we could hug. He sighed. “Thank you,” I croaked.

After he was sure I was fine and I stopped shaking he leaned back, smiling his usual Rory smile. “No problem, Babe.”

I giggled, feeling a little dizzy. It was so nice to see his smile again that it made my head spin. “Some things never change, huh?” My smile faltered as my thoughts seemed to to center. You hurt him. “Even when everything changes, you don’t.” He looked to the others for a cue on what to say but they seemed not to have any idea because even though they were behind me, he had the same desperate expression on his face when he looked back at me. “I know about the fangs Rory.” There was a pause as I closed my eyes, running a hand through my hair. Opening them again, I looked at him. “I have questions.” I was slowly pulling myself together, trying to focus and at least begin to make sense so my head wouldn’t hurt so much.

“So do we,” Sarah added, entering the cage again. Erica, Benny, and Ethan stopped at the entrance before I motioned them in and we all sat in a circle. “You first. Ask away.” So I did. I asked about everything and anything I could think of, first having them generally explain everything they knew and then asking for details on phrases or new information or words or recalled memories that made my head spin. It seemed a long time but couldn’t have been more than half an hour when we finished.

A little shiver shook me as the morning chill finally got to me as the shock wore off. “Need a jacket?” Benny asked, taking his off and offering it. I eyed it for a second, my heart beating rapidly as it moved into my throat, attempting to gag and choke me at the same time. He shook it gently. “It won’t bite, I promise. No supernatural. Just material you wear to keep you warm.” I reached out, nodding but staying silent, as I took it. I put it on, zipping it up, and hoped my face wasn’t burning.

When I looked back to the others, Sarah and Erica’s expressions made me swallow nervously. “That’s all I have,” I said, trying to change direction back to what we were talking about so we could stray away from anyone finding out about my massive crush on Benny.

Speaking of, he went first. “Why did you blow off Rory?”

I winced. It had been a while and after last night I wasn’t sure what to think. My head was still a little foggy with post-panic and early morning sleepiness from just waking up. But still. The more I woke up the more my body burned every time I moved and the material of Benny’s jacket brushed against my skin. The more it registered that he sat barely inches away from me, our toes a hair length from touching. The more that it registered, the more I thought and felt... the more his spiteful words echoed in my brain to cut and rip at me. I looked at my legs, criss-crossed style in front of me. “I...” I began. Why did they have to start off with a hard question? My brain ran, trying to think out the answers and where they could lead so I would have a detailed story that would cover me. “I wuh-was avoiding you.” I looked up at Benny, coming up with nothing but a deviation from the truth rather than a completely new lie.

He seemed offended. “Me?” I nodded. “Why?”

My eyes narrowed. “Gee Buh-Benny I really w-wonder why.” He looked at me like he was completely flabbergasted and I got angry. I stood to my feet, my face turning red with anger. “Don’t act like you don’t know!”

Benny looked at his friends with wide eyes and mouth dropped open, his arms moving to compensate for his speechlessness. He looked back at me. “I... don’t!”

My eyes watered. Had it really meant nothing to him? Not even enough to remember it? Was he just playing it off because he felt bad? It was like I was looking at a completely different person. Like... Like someone had possessed him or something. “Did you... get puh-possessed or s-something? Like, a month or so ago?”

He looked at me like I was crazy, which would have been funny considering what he had been telling me was fact like ten minutes ago. “No!” He spat.

Ethan’s suddenly went wide. “Evil Benny.” I looked at him. “Did you have a run in with a guy who looked and sounded exactly like Benny? Except that he was a total jerk?”

“He had a toothpick in his mouth,” Benny added, realizing where Ethan was going. “And a really sick leather jacket.”

My shoulders slumped. “Yeah,” I admitted.

Benny reached up, taking my hand and pulling me back down. I gasped, recoiling from the burst of tingling warmth that light my hand on fire at the skin on skin contact. He put his hands up but I sat, keeping a few more inches in between us than before. “What happened?” Sarah asked after a second.

I looked at her, silently begging her not to make me say it. Rory wrapped his arm around my shoulders, shaking me gently and smiling comfortingly. I relaxed under his familiar touch. Rory seemed more like a brother in moments like these. Familiar and warm and caring. Protective. I was so glad for him.

Taking a deep breath, I turned back to the group. I swallowed. “Um, I asked him on a d-“ I panicked, cutting off and choking not he word. “Hang ou-out,” I managed to get out. I blushed, hoping nobody noticed. But I saw Sara and Erica exchanged a look and knew I was busted. I even felt Rory tug me away from Benny protectively and realized he was probably catching on too. How long would it take Ethan? Benny? Oh goodness. “I wanted to make more frien- make new friends. I’m luh-lonley.” I shrugged. “In case you c...” I got caught up on the letter and I struggled a few second before cutting off. “If you didn’t realize.”

“What did HE do?” Ethan asked, frowning deeply.

I shivered, swallowing hard. “He told me no,” I offered weakly. “In a r-really luh-long, round about way. W-with... some insults in the m-muh-mix. “I’m sure you c-could ask any of the stuh-students. It wasn’t pri- we weren’t alone. Very public.”

Benny winced. “I’m so sorry Y/n.”

My eyes widened as I looked at him, sitting up a little. “You know my name?”

He seemed as shocked as I was but the expression turned to one of confusion. “Of... course? Why wouldn’t I know your name?”

Rory sighed and I ducked my head. “I swear. Are you still going on about that lost cause bull crap? I told you Y/n, you’re not as invisible and overlooked as you think.”

“Invisible?” Benny scoffed. “How does someone NOT notice you?” He instantly snapped his mouth closed the second it was spoken, like he’d just uttered a curse word that would get him lynched. I looked at him with the worst blush of all time. I heard Rory chuckle in my ear and I didn’t dare look at Sarah or Erica to see their pitying expression. No way he liked me, but I knew that my eyes were full of hope because I was practically bursting and they would pity how much I liked him, even if there was no chance.

After all, no matter what anyone said, I would always be a lost cause. I shrugged. “Most people look right over me,” I said simply, casually. “The question is who WOULDN’T look over me?”

“Me,” Sarah snapped. “Rory. Benny. Those are three people that actively notice you, obviously. I went out of my way to make friends with you. Rory and you seem super close, and Benny... said his piece.” The look on her face was odd. I couldn’t place it. Her lips pressed together in an almost smile, except more smug. I’d say it was a smirk, teasing, but it was directed at Benny and there was nothing to tease him about so that didn’t make sense.

Erica leaned back, lounging. “Well,” she sighed. “You’re part of the gang now. Me and Ethan won’t be looking over you either.” She smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back.

This wouldn’t last. Everyone always realized how much of a loser I was after a while. But I could enjoy it while I got to. And damn it all, I would enjoy every millisecond of such a strong, amazing friend group as this as long as I was allowed.

When we left the cage and I got home, I realized I still had Benny’s jacket on. I looked in a mirror. The sleeves came down long enough so that only my finger tips poked out and the bottom of the sweater went to my mid thigh. I blushed, smiling dreamily as I thought of what it would mean to wear it more often. What stealing his jackets would feel like. Be like. I got so happy that I took the jacket off and put it by my backpack. I would give it to him at school when I saw him later. My thoughts were wandering to things that stealing his jacket on a regular basis came with and I couldn’t handle how it made my entire being shake to my very core. Something I wanted so bad... I couldn’t even think about it.

I showered and then changed into new clothes. Now clean and ready for the day, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and grabbed Benny’s jacket, trying not to think about how cold I was without the warmth that not just A jacket but HIS jacket gave me. I was acting ridiculous, but I couldn’t help it. I took it out before folding it and then laying it over my arm, moving my other arm so they were crossed underneath it, my arms working like a towel rack of sorts. I walked all the way to school buzzing.

At the first sight of Benny, I approached. It made me nervous but I took a deep breath. “Hey,” I greeted gently.

Benny turned, his face lighting up when he saw me. “Hey you,” he greeted, leaning against his locker and wearing a flirty smirk.

He flirts with everyone. It would do me less than just no good to think too much into it. It would do me a lot of bad, actually. So I ignored the flirt, instead offering the jacket on my arms. “Th-This is yours.”

He looked at it, frowning in... disappointment? But then he noticed my bare arms. “Keep it,” he said. “Seriously, for as long as you want. I brought my own and have a few more at home. I never see you with jackets on and it’s getting chilly.”

I rose an eyebrow, half confused. “I do hah-have my own jackets,” I assured him.

Pushing the jacket back at me, he shrugged. “Evil Benny was a jerk to you, so let me make some good memories so you don’t want to hide from me very time you see my face.” He smiled as if it was a joke but I wondered if he knew how right he’d gotten it. “Bring your own jacket and then I’ll take it from you.”

Shaking my head I pulled the jacket against my body again, trying to swallow the giddy grin trying to surface. I swallowed. “Thanks Benny,” I whispered, my shyness kicking in. My eyes dropped from his face.

I didn’t see his expression but after a second he replied, “No problem.” There was a pause.

“S-See you around,” I mumbled, leaving.

“See you,” he called back as I moved away.

I did see him after that. A lot.

[boymeetsweevil]

Another draft because FS is taking too long

Title: two wrongs don’t make a right (so what do two douchebags and a dweeb make?)

Douche/fuck boy Jimin and Jin, weirdo!OC

Jimin waits until the girl’s tiny frame disappears down the hallway in a blur of overly familiar stained sweats before turning to stare down a very sheepish looking Jin.

“You can’t tell anyone about this, got it?” He rakes a hand through his hair, mussing it and making him resemble a cockatoo.

“Dude, relax. I get it, you have a rep to maintain. Everyone ventures outside their type for a first time.”

Jin winces. He knows he’s known for being incredibly picky—only ever sleeping with 4.0 girls (the number referring to their maximum dress size and minimum GPA). Someone even did a story on it in the Hot Takes section of the school magazine. He’s still not sure if it’s a moment he should proud of.

“About that…” he trails off and tugs nervously at the throw blanket he hastily clothed himself with when Jimin burst into their shared living room only to catch him in a rather compromising position. With that girl of all people.

“What?”

“Itsnotthefirsttimeanditwontbethelast”

Jimin blinks slowly, trying to process the flurry of words and Jin’s ashamed tone. When what Jin said finally hits him, he grins darkly.

“Man, c’mon. Don’t joke like that about her, its not nice.”

“Jimin, I’m—,” Jin looks around the hallway suspiciously before dragging Jimin into the dorm and slamming the door shut. “I’m being serious, okay?” Jimin’s jaw drops and he begins to sputter.

“But…why her?”

The first time Jimin encountered you was during a particularly late night in the stacks of the library last semester. The year was starting off hard and he was getting his ass kicked in one particular introductory psych class.

At around 1 in the morning, he had one more problem to finish on his take-home exam but was desperately stuck. He remembered seeing someone who he recognized from class sitting in the economics section. He thought it was odd initially. Usually no one sat there because the smell from the librarians’ bathroom often carried over. And no one wanted to study to the smell of coffee shits.

Taking a break, he grabbed his laptop and wandered around the stacks to find the classmate. When he found you, you were in the process of packing up, struggling to get your earphones into the headphone jack of your phone while also carrying a stack of periodicals and a burger from the campus grill, which happened to be leaking ketchup onto your already dingy tracksuit. He approached you carefully.

“Hey, you’re in Professor Kang’s class, right?”

“Huh?”

His voice startled you and you lost your precarious grip on your stuff. The poorly wrapped burger fell to the floor and bled a little onto your white converse. The periodicals fluttered down around your feet.

“Shit, sorry. Lemme help you,” he offered as he put his laptop down. You gasped from your spot already crouched on the ground.

“No, please, it’s really okay. Please, I’m fine, I don’t need—“

But he already had one printout from the stack in his hand and automatically turned it over. When Jimin looks back on the memory, he thinks that this may have been the biggest mistake he’s ever made in his life.

He would later find out after a nervous google search that the paper in his hand, and probably 80 percent of the papers on the ground, were called fursonas. While a handful might have been somewhat decent, most of them were of overly buff rabbits with bubble butts raised for the viewer or tigers fisting weeping, veiny dicks over pastel backgrounds. The one he held was of a duck, or something, with a weight lifter’s body with an obscene expression on its face while tentacles swarmed it from all angles. The implications of what might be happening in the picture made Jimin’s head hurt.

“Oh my god, what the fuck. What the fuck,” he whispered. He was so stunned that he let you rip the page from his hand.

“It’s called fur-centric hentai and its art,” you hissed. The line sounded mechanical and well-practiced if you asked Jimin. He watched you gather the rest of your belongings quickly, burger included, before leaving him crouched in the economics stacks.

Jin snaps his fingers in front of Jimin’s zoned out face only to have him be brought back to reality with a look of slight disgust.

“What’s your problem, fix your face,” Jin snapped.

“I’m just trying to figure out why you chose her, of all people. You remember that story I told you about the Econ stacks. I was so scarred, I got a C on that test.”

“Pretty sure you got a C because you didn’t realize there was a second page of the homework.”

“Well, if she hadn’t thrown her weird animal dicks all over the place, I would have realized there was a back and finished the assignment”

Jin sniffs and drops the blanket he was wearing, before walking over to the kitchen to get a drink, naked as the day he was born. Jimin follows on autopilot.

“Maybe you should stop trying to yuck my yum,”Jin says over his shoulder.

“Oh my god, don’t say it like that. I’m just saying, man. She’s weird. And gross. And more importantly not.Your. Type.” He enunciates each word with a poke to Jin’s bare back while he gets them some beers.

“You think I don’t fucking know that? That’s why I keep it discrete. Why do you think I told you not to come home every Tuesday and Thursday at until after 8:30?”

“You said you had lab.”

“How the hell could I do a lab in our apartment?”

“It…It could happen.”

“I’m a poetry major,” Jin pinches the bridge of his nose at his roommate’s stupidity, “Damnit Jimin.”

Jimin purses his lips when he realizes he might be even dumber than he thought.

“Wait a second, you’ve had lab,” he makes giant air quote gestures, “for, what, 2 months now? You’ve just been fucking her this whole time?”

There’s a beat of silence as Jin takes another swig from his beer. “Yeah,” he finally says. The matter of fact air of his response makes something glitch in Jimin’s brain.

“What the hell, dude? That’s a lot of repeat service. Does she have something on you? Is that why you’re doing this? Did you break an expensive-ass vase or something?” Jimin stops to think, his mind running wild with possibilities. “Holy shit, are you being pimped out?”

“No. God, would you just shut up?” Jin sighs quietly. “I’m sleeping with her so much because she’s the best I’ve ever had.”

Jimin takes a step back at the defeated sincerity in Jin’s tone.

“How? What about that time with that other girl--what was her name?” Jimin runs a hand through his hair trying to remember any name of one of many the girls Jin has had a fling with. “Oh! Irene or something? What about her?”

“I mean, Irene was fine. She gave pretty good head. But last Thursday I thought I came harder than I’ve ever come in my entire life.”

“You ‘thought’?”

Jin looks up wistfully somewhere behind Jimin’s head at the memory. “Well then she came over the following Tuesday and rocked my shit,” he smirks. “And then that was the hardest I’ve ever come in my life.”

“So she gives good head. Who cares? There’s plenty of girls on campus who give good head and also don’t draw furry porn for a living and wash their damn sweatpants.”

“You don’t understand, dude. It’s not just the head. It’s the head, and the handjobs, and the pussy. It’s everything.”

Jimin raises his eyebrows incredulously. “The pussy is better than the handjobs?” He has to try hard not to look impressed. Meanwhile Jin is smilng, almost relieved now that the secret is out and he can talk openly about the mindblowing sex he’d been having.

“The first time she jerked me off, I passed out immediately after I came and woke up late to the class the next afternoon.”

Jimin narrows his eyes but motions with a hand for Jin to continue.

“The first time she blew me I couldn’t even walk afterward.”

“Wait...was that the day you told me you thought you had a sprained ankle? The one that healed after 24 hours?”

“Yep.”

The smug tone and the second stupid lie make Jimin want to rip his hair out. “Why do you lie so much,” he whispered, pain in his voice.

“I wasn’t lying, I really thought I had a sprained ankle.”

“From a blowjob?”

“That’s what I said.”

“What about the, uh, the pussy,” Jimin asks after realizing the FBI probably won’t come through the doors and snipe him for talking about vagina.

“The one time she let me hit it raw, I cried.,” Jin says, absolutely beaming.

“Oh, come on. You can’t be serious.”

“I am, though. I think she was gonna let me do it again today.” Jin closes his eyes and smiles softly while Jimin looks on, unamused.

“So? What happened today? She underperform or something?” There’s a hint of jealousy and a lot of curiosity in his tone, but Jimin would deny it if anyone asked him.

“No, asswipe. She got spooked because you showed up when you weren’t supposed to.”

“Well, sorry for ruining your lies,” Jimin snaps, cracking open his own beer.

“You think this is a joke?” Jin shoves Jimin in the chest roughly. “We didn’t get to finish because of you. Now I have to jerk off with my own hand. That’s pathetic”

“And what were you doing before you met her? Listen to yourself, she’s making you crazy. No one is that good in bed.”

Jin stomps over to the couch and settles down before turning and looking at Jimin over the backboard.

“You know what? You go and sleep with her 3--no--4 times. And if she doesn’t completely fry your brain, I’ll pay for any and all of your takeout for the next month. But If she does, you gotta switch mattresses with me and not come by the dorm until after 10 on Tuesdays and Thursdays from then on.”

“Dude, gross I don’t want your sex soaked mattress. It’s the same as yours anyway. Minus the ten gallons of old jizz on it.”

“No, it’s not. You have that, like, Tempurpedic thing.”

“True,” Jimin nods thoughtfully, “But don’t you think it would be weird if the roommate of the guy she was fucking started trying to get in her pants? Also, I could just lie and say she didn’t do it for me. Then you’d be forced to pay for my food and—Hold on. If she’s so good, why are you so willing to pawn her off to me?”

“Why do you ask so many stupid questions? First of all, she’s not mine just because I’m sleeping with her. I’m just telling you to go see if she’ll let you. I mean, there’s no guarantee. She barely even gave me a shot.”

“She barely gave you a shot? But you’re, like, the campus prince”, more air quotes, “How did this even happen?”

“Well, to make a long story short, we were both high at her sorority and I’d heard rumors about her from Wonho, so I went to…talk to her in her room.”

“Wonho is Wonho, though. He’d fuck anyone if the weed was good.”

“That’s where you’re mistaken, my friend. He has a diverse and sophisticated palate. He knows what he’s talking about when it comes to weed and sex. Once I took him up on his suggestion and she said yes, I never looked back,” Jin says with a dreamy voice.

Jimin watches the back of Jin’s head loll on the sofa. When a soft sigh emerges from where the older man is sitting, Jimin recoils and runs out of the kitchen, away from the couch.

“Are you jerking off right now? Dude. Not cool.”

“Get the fuck out, then. It’s Thursday, which means I’m getting off by 7:30pm and I don’t give a rat’s ass who’s here when it happens.”

“Fine,” Jimin huffs and reluctantly stuffs his feet back into his sneakers where they lie by the door. “I hope your dick chafes.”

Jin purposefully releases another, louder moan and Jimin runs out of the apartment.

“I’ll have an order of the half crispy, half spicy and a large coke. Thanks,” Jimin says to the clerk at the grill before checking his phone for the 8th time in the hour.

8:01 Jimin - Are you done yet?

             (8:10 read by Jin)

8:11 Jin - yeah but round two starts soon so

8:11 Jin - *middle finger emoji*

Jimin quickly shuts down his messenger app and opens up Flappy Bird while he sits at a table and waits for his order number to be called.

“Stupid asshole and his stupid dick, kicking me out of the stupid apartment. Fuck you, dickhead,” Jimin mutters to himself.

“What did you just say?” 

Jimin’s head whips up at the infantile voice coming from the seat across from him. Jeon Jungkook is sitting at his table, eating a veggie burger. Who the hell orders a veggie burger from a chicken place?

“Were you talking to me,” Jungkook asks again, pushing his bulky glasses up with a finger.

“Jeon, why would I be talking to you? A better question is why the hell are you talking to me?

[unicorn-poop]

Troll Rose and the Rule 63 Trolls (School)

(Anyone know the source? I found this on the internet. Anyways here’s what the 12 beauties look like (Only because I like this one the best). 

THE CONDESCE: YOU ALL AR--E GOING TO GO TO SCHOOL W)(--ETH--ER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

KARKAT: BUT MOM I DON’T WANT TO GO TO A PLACE FILLED WITH ANNOYING UGLY ASS HUMANS! EW!

SOLLUX: yeah ii don’t thiink thiis school would be a very good iidea...

THE CONDESCE: W)(AL--E YOU ALL N--E--ED FRO--ENDS! 

ARADIA: i have friends! i am friends with the spirits of the dead

THE CONDESCE: Friends that are not dead...

ARADIA: awwww....

THE CONDESCE: Anyways you all will actually end up sucessful and not losers w)(o will still live wit)( mommy....Now bye!

(Kicks the trolls out)

KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUCK!

(The trolls end up walking. They past a McDonalds on their way to school)

TAVROS: uHH KARKAT CAN WE GET SOMETHING FROM MCDONALDS, i AM STARVING

KARKAT: I DON’T FUCKING NO! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME? ASK ARADIA! HE IS THE LEADER HERE! HIS SIGN IS AT THE BEGINING OF THE ZODIAC FOR FUCKS SAKE!

TAVROS: aRADIA...

ARADIA: no. that place is just the saddest place on earth. burger queen is much better tavros

VRISKA: No it ain’t! They suck ass! 

TEREZI: YOU 4R3 ONLY S4Y1NG TH4T B3C4US3 TH4T WHOPP3R G4V3 YOU TH3 SH1TS!

FEFERI: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

VRISKA: Shut up terezi! Not funny fish 8oy!

(The trolls make it to school)

NEPETA: :33 oh cool! there’s animals?!

KARKAT: THOSE ARE FREAKS! I THINK THEY’RE CALLED FURRIES! WHO KNEW THIS SCHOOL WOULD HAVE FUCKING FURRIES HERE!

NEPETA: :33 aww yesssss! time to make some furiends

TEREZI: 3V3RYONE SM3LLS!

STUDENT 1: Hey freaks

ERIDAN: excuse me? wwe aren’t the freaks here!

GAMZEE: hEy BrUh WhY yOu GoTta Be MeAn To My FrIeNdS?

Equius gets up at Student 1 face. the kid pisses himself

EQUIUS: D--> listen you disgrace you will leave me and my friends alone! we are not the freaks here! we got noble blood that is higher than yours. you should listen to us because we rule the school. now get lost (Cracks Knuckles). 

Student 1 runs away

EQUIUS: D--> a waste of our time

SOLLUX: thanks eq

KANAYA: Did He Just Soil Himself?

KARKAT: HA! YEAH EQUIUS SURE SCARED THE PISS OUT OF THAT DWEEB!

(Suddenly Jade harley walks past)

JADE: hi guys :)

(All of the trolls stare in aw. Yes Jade is still a girl And a human in this AU). 

ARADIA: oh wow she is so pretty. she makes me feel more  alive than i already am

TAVROS: wOW SHE IS SO PRETTY!

SOLLUX: ii thiink ii have a thiing for human female2 wiith long black haiir. 

KARKAT: HOLY FUCK! 

NEPETA: :33 she is so puritty!

KANAYA: My What Lovely Clothing She Has

TEREZI: HOLY SH1T! 

VRISKA: That ass ;:::)

EQUIUS: D--> Oh my! I need a towel

GAMZEE: sEe GuYs MiRaClEs Do ExIsT

ERIDAN: looks like this vviolet gal here is getting a human girl in her red quadrant today

FEFERI: GLUB GLUB!

The trolls then all look at eachother

KARKAT: FUCK ALL OF YOU! SHE IS MINE! OUT OF ALL OF YOU I DESERVE A GIRLFRIEND!

TAVROS: nO WAY MAN, i DESERVE HER, WE LITERALLY WOULD BE THE BEST COUPLE IN THIS SCHOOL, bESIDES YOU’RE TOO LOUD!

SOLLUX: ii am 2mart! ii thiink ii de2erve her more than the 2 of you.

EQUIUS: D--> no way. i have higher blood than the three of you. who wouldn’t like a lovely bl00 lady like me? she will be mine! understood lowbloods?

ERIDAN: i am prettier than the 4 of you so she’ll be in my red quadrant. it’s the truth i don’t make the rules!

GAMZEE: HONK!

NEPETA: :33 oh wow the girls are fighting ofur her. 

KANAYA: I Don’t Blame Them

VRISKA: Ha! Well she is mine. The rest of you can just find someone else. Look fussyfangs (Points at Dave) I think that man over there would be a gr8 man for you! You should go talk to him. 

KANAYA: No. He Seems Like A Asshole I Think You Should Date Him.

VRISKA: Nah. He’s uglyyyyyyy!

NEPETA: :33 i think he means black dating

VRISKA: Sure but right now that raven haired human girl is going in my red quadrant. 

KANAYA: No She Is Not Why Would She Want To date You?

VRISKA: Because I am a hot mother fucker!

FEFERI: )(a! Sea t)(ese muscles gentlemen. T)(e human is going to be mine

VRISKA: You’re a dick! Why would she want to 8e with you?!

FEFERI: My blood colour you ass! Also t)(e very fact that I )(ave )(igher blood t)(an all of you so )(A! 

TEREZI: SUCK 1T! NOBODY W4NTS SOMEBODY WHO SM3LLS L1K3 F1SH!

FEFERI: (pulls out Trident) T)(AT’S IT!

Kanaya pulls out his chainsaw.

KANAYA: WILL YOU ALL JUST STOP! Why Are You All fighting For A Girl We Don’t Even Know?

KARKAT: BECAUSE.....

(Suddenly dave strider passes)

DAVE: Sup grey humans. Nice candy corn horns. 

ARADIA:.......our horns aren’t candy buddy

DAVE: Hey there beautiful (Looking at karkat)

KARKAT: (BLUSHES)

KANAYA: Jesus He Seems Like A Asshole

VRISKA: 8ut fussyfangs he’d 8e the perfect guy for you.

EQUIUS: D--> Let’s get to class

(In Fourth Period)

TEACHER: So class today we will be learning about geometry. Now turn to page 69 in your text books

(The whole class heavily sighs)

All the trolls couldn’t stop thinking about Jade. 11 of them wanted her in their red quadrant. You can guess who doesn't. He just wanted to be her morail. 

JOHN: hi. 

KANAYA: Hello Human 

JOHN: you’re really handsome. 

KANAYA: Thank You Now Could You Tell Me About This Human That Has Green Eyes And Long Black hair

JOHN: oh, that’s my sister jade harley! have you met her yet? she’s awesome isn’t she?

KANAYA: My Friends Are Obsessed With Her

JOHN: oh really? well she is really pretty and a very friendly person so it’s understandable. 

VRISKA: Hey Fussyfangs! Why are you talking to that loser?

JOHN: I am not a loser!

VRISKA: so this jade human is related you you, huh? So 8uddy can you tell me how to get her in my red quadrant? 

JOHN: red quadrant? 

VRISKA: How can I make her my girlfriend? Jegus you humans are stupiiiiid!

JOHN: join the football team! seems something you’d be good at as well as your shirtless friend. in fact why don’t you have half of your friends join the cheerleading squad and half join the football team. 

VRISKA: Thank you weirdo

JOHN: it is john, MY NAME IS JOHN! 

(Later on at Lunch)

VRISKA: Ok guys so this John human says to get the girl of our dreams is to choin football and cheerleading. 

TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT 4RT CLUB? 

KANAYA: Terezi You Would Just Get Kicked Out For Eating All The Crayons And Chalk

TEREZI: H3H3H3H3 TH3 ONLY R34SON 1 W4NT3D TO JO1N!

TAVROS: sO WHO IS JOINING WHICH SPORT

VRISKA: You can just join cheerleading! You’d suck and get crushed in football.

TAVROS: eXCUSE ME? 

SOLLUX: ii thiink ii’ll joiin cheerleading. that 2ound2 fun. 

KARKAT: I THINK I’LL JOIN TOO! TIME TO SHOW OFF MY AWESOME SKILLS

GAMZEE: i’M wItH yOu Sis

ERIDAN: all the girls wwill be jealous of me!

EQUIUS: D--> i will join football so i can crush all the dumb peasant males on there

FEFERI: Right! Me and you Equius! Going to crush all t)(e losers on there! 

NEPETA: :33 i’ll join ch33rleading. it s33ms fun. 

ARADIA: i’m going to use my ghost powers. 

VRISKA: You ass! That’d 8e cheating! 

ARADIA: yeah and i don;t care. stay mad blue blooded scum!

VRISKA: >::::(

TEREZI: W1SH 1 COULD JO1N 4RT CLUB! 

(Johm comes up to their table)

EQUIUS: D--> no humans aloud

VRISKA: There’s my man 

KANAYA: You Are Dating? 

VRISKA: Nah, I don;t date nerds 

JOHN: so are you guys doing the cheerleading and  football? 

KANAYA: Apparently. 

JOHN: any of you also want to join LGBT+ Club?

TEREZI: WH4T 1S TH4T?

JOHN: For Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Queer, Allies and others. 

ARADIA: we wouldn’t mind joining. after all we are all bisexual since we trolls are all bisexual. 

KARKAT: PANSEXUAL!

ARADIA: whatever. 

KANAYA: I Prefer Males In My Red Quadrant. 

JOHN: cool. you’re gay and that is fine. we meet on wednesdays. oh and dave is going to be there

(John Leaves)

VRISKA: Kaaaaaaaanaaaaaaaayaaaaaaa :))))))))

KANAYA: No

(So later on the 6 try out for cheerleadong and the other 6 tryout for football. Surprisingly they all make their respective teams)

To be continued. See next time how The 11 trolls try so hard to get Jade in their quadrant. 

[rustdream]

@joeyydrawss​

This is based off of one line about the dark clone gang being villains in cragtworld.

First, as a writing warm up, a shart drabble)

 "But, why DO we have have names like that?" The pale Cyclops spoke up, as she tightened the ropes around Sack thing. Her question was met with an awkward silence, before Dark!Rain wandered. "What do you mean? What's wrong with 'fe names, Ima?" Her cracked eye met the her colleague's leaking black ones, a small feeling of confusion placed in her mind. After all, she hadn't anticipated having to explain her question. She had only snapped out of her thoughts as she tried to walk towards the brown cloaked girl, before noticing that she had tied her hands to the ropes. How embarrassing. The two others in the room didn't seem to judge though, as their hostage was rightfully afraid. Why their leader suggested this was beyond her. "Well, I mean, it seems weird to call ourselves. Well, now that I say it it sounds like something to tell Joey about." She finally got free, though her hands hurt from tugging on the ropes so hard. Before DRain could speak up, DIma continued, "C-cause, it's understandable that YOU would calk yourself Rain, cause you ARE her!" DRain nodded in agreement, a smug smirk worming its way into her face. "And me, Ima is technically my name, all that I remember from my legal name. But what about Joey? He utterly HATES his other self, so it seems weird."

"Well...ah, ya got me here. If ya want, we can go ask him."

"What if he gets angry?"

"Ill take tha fall for it. Even then it's just a question. How bad can that be?"

 And so the two left the room, as Sack thing noticed that the ropes have become looser from the tugging. Now all they had to do was plan an escape.

Real story under here/

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

|another random one: context, what if ADITLOF was affect by the dark clone crew|

The gang could only stare in confusion as Rain and Ima struggled to get out of the guards grasp, while Newton was talking to strange man with some fish on his head. Bill almost chuckled at hearing Wheatley comment on this. "Well, this trip could have gone better." "I don't see how it can. I'd love to hear Rain use her 'freindly charm' on this." He was shot a mean glare, which was meet with an eye roll. He decided to look away from Rain desperately explaining herself, as he overheard Mewton's conversation with the man.

"I can't believe you've associated with criminals now, first the titans now this-."

"I-its not like that. Papa! I-"

"Well the way you've avoided us I doubt you was bringing them in."

"Because they haven't done anything wrong, they don't deserve prison!"

"While I can't say the same about the rest of them, THOSE two," He shot a horrid glare directly at Ima, how got as close to Rain as she could, who was speaking, while tearing something off her shirt," are wanted criminals. Thousands of crimes are on their hands, Newton. How can you defend them?"

"Rain and Ima, they would never do this! They're my friends, Papa, a-at least let them prove that they didn't do anythin-"

"THE ONE EYED ONE HAS A WEAPON!" The two guards bellowed, pulling everyone's attention to Ima, who had a pin in her hand. "T-this isn't a weapon, just a pin that was picking my skin! Also," she put it in her pocket, a look of what Bill could only place as offended unamesment. "why are we being accused of something that we didn't even do, if this is our first time coming here?" Rain added on, "Not to mention...what DID we do?" A long pause, as Newton gestures, a brief look of triumph in his eyes. Until he saw the stern, angered look in his father's face. The older sackperson slowly walked towards the girl, the guards letting her go. "Oh, I'm sorry, but you've been here before." Rain backed away, Ima still standing there, silent.

Compared to her, he was really tall. To tell you the truth, Ima sort of regretted saying that now. "Ima, is it? Let's see, you've destroyed many, many cities and towns in Craftworld, terrorized Bunkum, KIDNAPPED and endangered a CREATIR CURATOR, and that's only before you've meet you ACCOMPLICE Rain. Who is the reason Manglewood is stuck in a large area of tar, endangered MILLIONS in the act- MAY I GO ON!?" His tone reached a new level that Newton hadn't though of before. In fact, he even had to be held back by the younger man to prevent him from pummeling the girl into the ground. The two girls were taken aback- the whole group was. Rain, a villain? She's a hero, the kindest person ever! Even if it annoyed Bill to no end. And Ima... actually, Both Bill and Ima seemed to consider the notion that she might have done those things before. It was nigh improbable, but still.

"but, we didn't do those things." Was all Rain could muster, still shocked at the man sudden change in behavior. Newton was pushed away as the two guards were attempted to pull him back as Newton had. "DO YOU REALLY THINK," The two friends now where close together, unsure of why this was happening, they haven't done anything wrong, "I'M STUPID ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY BELIEVE ANY WORD YOU SA-" Suddenly, an explosion could be heard, as a piece of debris came between the man and the two girls, causing him to stop, and the group to panic. Almost stumbling to the ground, Bill managed to get a glance at the three people through the smoke. The first thing he could notice, where how two of them had an almost likeness to Rain and Ima, the only differences were Tue Rain clones black eyes and brown jacket, and the how the air around the other clone seemed off. Dark, suffocating cold. As it would sometimes become when Ima entered. Though her skin was a sickly pale, and her screen was cracked. Before he could even look at the third one, they closed in, the other Rain holding the odd man by the throat with a black liquid, and another one, a person he had never seen before, pinning him against a wall, with weapons threatening another group of people.

 That only left the third one, who seems to have closed off all entrances and exits, before staying the the middle of the building, keeping an eye on every panicked person. The man struggled, as his son screamed. "Papa no-" thrown into a wall by the other Ima. "Listen up you fucking shits," the boy, who held his weapons tight, his red eyes scanning the room, started, "This. Is a holdup. And from now on, you're staying here until those hero twats come to rescue you. And if you try to leave, my freinds over there will kill you." He gestured to the two, who had tied most of the people in tar, with the other Ima looking over the rest, before Rain spoke up. "Wait a minute, bad language aside, WHI ARE YOU?" The boy threw a knife at Rain, cutting her cheek in the process, and cracking the glass floor it landing in. Storm seems to become uncomfortable in her reflection, as the cracks ran a little. The boy smirked. "I guess an introduction is only complimentary. I'm Joey. Or Dark Joey of you prefer, I dont really care." Joey smirked as he pointed at the other two. "The one with the tar is Dark Rain, and the other is Ima."

Rain immediately answered. "Hey wait a minute, you. Is your name Rain N Thirteen?" The clone frowned. "Yeah, why ya askin'?"

"Cause that's MY name."

"Wot?" The clone looked rain up and down, her frown only growing. "Huh, I didn't know I had a fan, a little tip lady. I ditched tha blue coat long ago. Got real bloody."

"No, you don't understand. My legal name 's Rain. So what your saying isn't true."

"O ho! Look Joey, A've got meself a faker, just like tha blue spiked dork."

"If anything your the faker."

"No, you."

Joey scoffed at his comrades stupid quarrel with this weirdo. Though, something about her reflection, the black soulless stare in them. It intrigued him. As he stomped on the yellow hair dweeb's chest to stop him from moving, he looked at Ima. "And what about You? Next ill be hearing that 'yoir the real Ima!'"  The girl stood a few feet from her double, who seemed to be almost crestfallen when their eyes locked. Almost as if she was remembering something. Suddenly, the double started to glitch in and out of reality, as it started to attempt to attack her. At least until a sharp object almost hit her square in the head. "Get your head in the fucking game. Come on, I'm holding these people at gunpoint here. Stop your childish squabbling and tie the rest up!"

After a good hour of fighting and bruises, they actually did it. What mad it harder was that Rain fakers apparent ability in fighting, and that other girl's freakish body manipulation. Seriously, seeing her body contrite under her skin, to grow two more grotesque arms, seeing her muscle tissue stretch and bleed to make weapons,, it was going to give Dark Rain nightmares! And not to mention Ima seemed to get more emotional in the presence of that other Ima, more evident in the way she flung her around while tied up. How she occasional kicked the other just for talking. Though, she couldn't blame her, she tied up her copy's mouth for god sake. As Joey was making his grand hammy speech as always, Rain put a hand on Ima's shoulder as she kicked the pink wearing double. "Ay. You alright there?" The other twitched as she turned to her, almost crying now. "I just want to tear her apart, she's not me, she can't be, he said that there wasn't any other-" Muffled by a hug, Rain's other arm shrugged. "Ay know, but she could be a faker, ah mean, we've got a faker over there." The clones muffled complaints went unheard. "Yeah..yeah! Y-you're right Rain! Your right. A faker..." The glitches girl was patted on the back. "Exactly! Come one, we've got a show to but on."

The two left the room, not noticing the claws breaking through the one eyed clones restraint. The duo walked out onto a platform, Joey making his evil hammy speech to his own faker, and the gang of Craftworld's hero's. "...And we will be victorious. For we are the Dark Heart Gang!"

"Wait a minute, that's a crappy name tho-"

[theangrypokemaniac]

Sinnoh has massive flaws as an era, although it's starting to feel like the good old days compared to the present piss-poor offerings.

The major drawback is the amount of 'recurring characters', ones not good enough to be in it fully, but inflicted upon us nevertheless.

I did care about Ash. I did care about Team Rocket.

I was prepared to care about The Misty Replacement, as in the girl shipped with Ash.

I was prepared to care about The Brock Replacement, that is the older brother figure who does all the cooking, carries the medicine, and knows about Pokémon.

I don't give a toss about extras who outstay their welcome.

Hoenn only had Drew and Harley. What was wrong with that?

There are just too bloody many.

Why does Dawn require so many opponents, as if she's of the greatest importance? Why won't Jessie suffice?

I accept the necessity of Paul as The Rival, and we were at least permitted to resent him initially, before the writers fanboy'd like there was no tomorrow.

I admit I liked two of them. They therefore featured the least.

Typical.

Nando

The Blondel of Iberia

A softly-spoken, raven-locked troubadour, roaming the many pathways of life, playing his songs for those weary travellers he encounters on the road.

He's wearing a cloak! The finest use of material to ever be invented!

All this ethereal grace considering the dub lumbered him with the most appallingly unsuitable name possible.

It could've been Raphael, or Dante, or Leonardo.

Oh no, let's name him after a restaurant chain. That adds gravitas.

His lyre pays tribute to Mew, because Nando knows she's The Rarest Of All Pokémon, thus refuses to be impressed by any deformed horse like Arceus throwing its weight around.

Damn straight.

Ursula

A pretty girl with lovely clothes and the spark of a proper personality.

You're not wanted round these parts, love.

I have no particular animosity towards Dawn, but it irritates me how the world revolves around her whims, where if she's lost in the woods, it's a major disaster, and if an attack heads in her direction, she must be protected in case she shatters.

It makes a refreshing change to find someone firmly inoculated against the lures of the temptress.

Also, alongside Ursula from Dinosaur King (the real Jessie), I'm glad of any attempt to reclaim that name, considering most of my generation, upon hearing it, think only about evil old octopus women.

As for the rest?

It's that bad I prefer the Unova bunch to these.

Reggie

Reggie is even more of a knob than Paul. As above, being Ash's enemy meant that, if only by narrative, he was intended to be somewhat disliked.

Not Reginald. No, he's the kind one.

Oh really?

When Ash and Paul have their showdown, Reg starts wittering that it's just as well Chimchar took up with Ash, since he wasn't suited to Paul's 'battle style'.

Battle style.

Is the what he calls mental and physical cruelty?

In Reg's amoral cesspit of a mind, there is no right and wrong, so do whatever you feel.

Reggie is quite aware of how his brother tortures Pokémon, and not only is he unconcerned, he excuses it with euphemism, hoping the audience will obligingly forget too.

What's more, he implies it's Chimchar's fault for not pulling his weight, and Paul abandoning him was the compassionate thing to do.

Cynthia

Suffering severe Bridge Nose Syndrome.

She may be Champion, but I don't remember Lance turning up all the time where he wasn't wanted.

She doesn't even use her influence properly. Rather than give it straight to Paul, order him to shape up and stop spanking the monkey, she fannies about with her cod mysticism, emptily preaching about how Ash and Paul are spiritually linked, with magical, beeyewteefull events taking form just because they met.

That's right, don't bother about Paul clearly being a psychopath, for 'tis ART!

It's the same as trying to convince me that Ash, Dawn and Brock were the Divine Trio because they all saw Something Nasty In The Lake District, as if they have an intrinsic bond foretold in ancient prophecy.

The writers pull this knowing two thirds of the Holy Trinity, plus Paul the Fallen Angel, will be leaving, at which point we'll be expected to stop being overawed at the great majesty they all apparently possess and transfer allegiance to their usurpers.

What's the point?

Angie

Yet another smackhead from that lunatic stare.

What shining genius decided giving all the characters contracted pupils was a good idea?

She looks like one of those kids whose parents dealt with nits the traditional way:

Shaving the entire head and painting it purple.

A barnet resembling privet hacked at by a paralytic gardener before he conked out.

I've seen her arc three or four times, and I still remember nothing about her, except for the amazing skill she possesses to make Ash sneeze on command from a distance.

Conway

One word: nonce.

A clichéd weirdo fitting into Pokémon's Four-Eyed Freaks fixation, where anyone with a slight visual impairment is a weedy, know-it-all bastard or on a register.

Oh yes, and this lad comes with hidden delights, because his glasses gleam like a giant cockroach, just in case he wasn't creepy enough.

Zoey

The human black hole. Has the incredible ability to suck all the joy out of a room just by appearing. A personage of absolute lead.

Too nice and over familiar, lacking a single detectable personality trait.

Bland, empty, and with the charisma of vomit-sodden cardboard.

Sinnoh is a prolonged saga as it is, padded with nonentities like her and Kenny.

Alright, episodes must be devoted to Dawn's Contest career, however tiresome it is, but why exactly do we need any about Zoey and Kenny? Why should we care?

Every time I sat through a competition Dawn lost, I resented that she was no further along on her quest, equating to another episode eaten away by this shallow, blackened hymn to superficiality.

Compare this indulgent treatment to the sneering disrespect shown to Jessie, an actual main character, who not only had to win her Ribbons practically off screen, but the writers delighted in hammering home how worthless she was in only scraping into the Grand Festival because Princess Salvia took pity on the deluded wretch.

They favour their own inventions over the original cast, then dump 'em as soon as the next generation arrives, so how could they ever matter if even the creators eagerly cast them aside?

After all the effort on my part to put up with the entire witless farce, Zoey beats Dawn in the finals!

Why?!

I understood the unspoken law of Ash not being allowed to win a League until the very last series, for fear whatever came after would be anticlimactic, but why should this deadening failure apply to May and Dawn?

By the culmination of the Contest rigmarole, it's obvious they'll be making their exit for the next region's Girl, so why couldn't either bid farewell to the fans with a victory?

Why must they be incompetent too?

Even if achieving their dream dampened any hunger to carry on, they're departing anyway, so what difference does it make?

At least Ash will continue, but for May and Dawn, it's the end.

How could any fan be satisfied with a smarmy vacuum of a creature like Zoey succeeding instead?

Barry

Eyes of molten evil.

The second-worst character ever created (Iris is top of the ranks), Barry is a smug, arrogant, screeching dweeb jabbering his oh-so endearing catchphrase about fining anyone who slightly irks him, so sure is he that his feelings should come above everyone else's

He truly believes he has a God-given entitlement to demand lesser lifeforms should arrange themselves to suit his pleasure, that they are morally compelled to shield him from  meagre inconvenience.

Twat.

Knocking the little geck out of the League was the most noble thing Paul ever did. It practically redeems him.

This is what I cannot comprehend:

Ursula is openly conceited, rude to Dawn, and brags about her own excellence even after losing.

We're asked to dislike her.

Barry slags Ash off constantly, is convinced of his own divinity, and jeers at Team Rocket.

We're supposed to see him as a 'good guy' and welcome his arrival.

Why? Are Ash and Team Rocket fair game, but offending Saint Dawn's intolerable?

Again, it astounds me how temporary, region-specific stars seem to count for more than those who've been here since the beginning.

Whilst they're here, that is. Once gone, you wouldn't know they'd existed.

Kenny

He wears a matador outfit to compete.

It's a crying shame Tauros was never given the opportunity to gore him.

As usual, it's Piplup I blame.

Each generation likes to flaunt the starter Pokémon, presumably in the hope of flogging more games, that's why Ash usually catches all three, or they're spread out amongst his friends.

It's about time Team Rocket had one.

Can't do that, they only appear five times per series now.

Piplup is a whiny attention whore who refuses to evolve. In consequence, he can't advertise the next stages in the evolution chain, so we have to keep seeing Barry and Kenny instead, that's why Empoleon and Prinplup are always walking about.

This equates to three characters having the same Pokémon, albeit in different incarnations.

There's variety.

However, Kenny's true purpose is much more grim than that.

Fans will ship Ash with The Girl, a useless endeavour when it's destined to come to nothing when she's kicked out.

In Hoenn and Sinnoh, an effort was made to wean shippers off in preparation for the upcoming split, so alternative suitors were introduced, with the girls effectively pushed on to them.

May got Drew.

I don't mind that. He had some refinements.

Dawn got Kenny.

...

What, you want me to cheer for such a revolting couple?

Have I not suffered enough?

What unpardonable crime did Dawn do to deserve such a horrible fate?

She's not a bad-looking girl. She can do better than an ugly, portly, shrunken, pie-faced cretin! 

You do this to me when Nando exists?

Sod the age gap, that never concerned anyone here.

This being the Kenny who spends four years belittling Dawn by constantly reminding her of a humiliating childhood experience, even giving her a nickname too!

Dawn is visibly distressed when he does this, but he's a fine candidate for romance?

She has to settle for a sweaty, lecherous herbert like him, who doesn't even try to atone for his unfortunate mug by being kind?

I suspect the whole Sinnoh adventure was really him wearing down her self-esteem until she believed he was the best available, wanting her to be grateful for his slobbery attentions.

It won't stop there either. He'll trap her for the rest of her life by isolating her from friends, followed by accusations of how undeserving she is of his 'love'.

Such is Dawn's lot: absent father, pushy mother, whinging penguin and abusive boyfriend.

Kenny's already a perv:

He's not looking at her face.

She knows he's not.

Ash and Pikachu have noticed an interesting feature further down.

Aipom likes it too.