#← probably. though i guess this guy is even more of a muncher with that mouth of theirs

[front-facing-pokemon]

[lavenderhyrdrangea]

Moon River 2.0

If you prefer to read on ao3 the link is here

Butch had undoubtedly sprained his ankle; the mild caution in his step had given it away.  Dedicated to making matters worse, he  kept his usually flippant mouth shut about  the pulled joint even with Grayditch, by then, miles behind them.Viola deferred his much needed chiding in favor  of hammering her fist on the door to her  happy place, a dream land where she didn’t have to deal with his screw ups.

Frustrated was too gentle a word to describe her feelings about their predicament.  Sure, no one wanted to admit that the first thing they did when they saw a fire ant was shriek then ragdoll fling themselves in the opposite direction—But that was the most common reaction. Those incendiary pests made even the most skilled Wastelanders wet their pants, so a trembling valutie was no surprise. Most people understood that.  But Butch? No, not him. Of course not. Most blowhards had a problem admitting to their shortcomings and he was no exception. He was a dummy and thought that his wounded pride mattered in the Waste.

Instead of pressing him for a confession, she opted for the sit back and watch method.  If he wanted to suffer in silence like an obstinate little turd, then far be it for her to break her back trying to lend a hand.

With the way his nostrils were flared his breaking point had to be soon.

“Whys the crapshoot settlement got to be so far?”

“Yeah, got to admit—I don’t remember the walk being this long.”

“Map’s probably all wrong. Makes stuff appear to be where it ain’t.”

Viola stopped. Not hearing her steps behind him, Butch followed suit and glanced over his shoulder.

“ If the directions and the destination don’t match then maybe you’re on to something.”

He raised a brow, urging her to go on.

“Maybe Megaton got so sick of hearing you whine about it that it got up and ran.”

Butch gave a hard roll of his eyes and went back to walking, no, shuffling ahead.

“I ain’t got no time for games, girl.”

“Girl, Nosebleed, Poindexter, Wet rag. I love the  variety, but I’m sure you know I’ve got a name,” She started walking again and met his pace, “and a gun.”

She’d been threatening him with a bullet ever since she was old enough to traipse the lower parts of the Vault with Sister Beebee. Much like her single barreled friend’s Bbs, the constant shots she and Butch fired at each other could pierce through skin;often times it did. Arguments ended with balled fist and gnashed teeth. He tried to steal her sweet roll so she spat on it. He yanked her hair and called her ugly, so she got a hold of some hair removal product, walked right up to him and poured it all over his head. He ran a rumor about her and Freddie, so she told Wally about all the trips he and Susie took to closets when they thought no one was looking.  

The only reason why she hadn’t tried to kill  him was because he would try to do her in the moment he saw her coming.  Of the little pre-war history she had been taught, she remembered that something called the Nuclear Deterrence Theory followed the same  notion. One nation  would hold off on blasting another to bits for fear of a full and equal retaliation. Given the fact that they were trekking through radiated rubble, a couple of somebodies screamed “screw that” while pounding on their respective shiny red button.  Regardless, her and Butch’s civility with one another had always come down to survival, and that sentiment doubled once they no longer had the Vault’s fortified walls to protect them.  

Butch looked as if he was going to say something smart but it came out as a grunt instead.

“I think that thing back there bit my ankle.” He croaked.

“If that were the case you wouldn’t have a leg and I would’ve had no choice but to leave you to die.”

Before he could spit his usual venom, Viola offered him her shoulder to lean on. He seemed startled by it. This wasn’t the first time he’d been injured but it was definitely the first time she’d voluntarily offered to allow him to use her as balance as oppose to him just pressing his weight on her after getting fed up with the tough guy act.

He eventually gave in after she reminded him of the type of mutants that stalked around once the sun set. They made some advancements. And by some that meant none at all. She considered finding a raider camp and telling Butch to hang back while she took care of them.  The shot gun was empty so it wouldn't be an easy task. She rarely used her sniper rifle though it would be useless in close quarter combat, plus there was a reason why she didn't use it much.

She had a bat and rusty pipe. Using them in each hand would…

“Hey, Nosebleed?”

“ Whatever it is,  shorten it. Trying to figure out where we’re sleeping tonight. ”

“How long did you know about my ankle?”

“You’re an open book, Deloria.” She snorted. “Wide open.”

“Did your old man teach you how to spot stuff like that?”

Viola chewed the inside of her cheek as she eyed the dilapidated overpass ahead of them. No respite.

“Sorry.” He said sheepishly.

"No, you're good."

It wasn't like she hadn't done something similar. During her first day of her little vault rescue mission, she'd asked him about Paul.

The next few minutes of silence was unnerving. She'd rather hear Butch's mouth than to go down the rabbit hole that was her father and the pain he had inadvertently caused those in the vault.

“Why do you ask? You’re not one one to care about my home life unless it’s for ammunition.”

“Just thinking.”

“Quit that will you?  The Wastes are as  hellish enough as it is without the universe folding in on itself.”

“ Oh ho ho! You’re a real  walking stand up show ain’t you? You’ve really missed your calling. Maybe you should drop the guns and plant yourself in the Rudder. That place is rough, they could use a clown.”

If anyone was a clown it was the guy limping the way home.

She peered across the large expense to the left of her. Maybe they would be more likely to find a camp if they veered off the main path.

"I get it. Scarecrow has a  brain now and wants to think and be serious."

"What do you think our lives would be like right like if the door never opened?"

Huh.

" The GOAT  sorted that out  didn’t it? You'd be a hairdresser and I'd be in Vault Management.”

"Barber."

“That’s not what the GOAT said.” She playfully sang.

"Forget that stupid test. If I say I'm a barber then I'm barber." He sounded like he would've shouted that if he had any energy to do so.

"Looks like you’ve got an answer to your half of the question."

"No, wait. I'm not a barber."

"You sound very confused. I’m guessing the great Oz put that brain in backwards or something."

" Forget everything. Act like the door never opened and the GOAT never existed. Where would you be?"

Viola fell into silence again, in search of an answer to his question. With putting nearly all she had into surviving the Wasteland, she only ever had time to think about lost friendships and broken bonds not the normal, ground level what could have beens. Where would she be? Not helping Butch for starters. Also, working with her father as receptionist for his medical office. After that she might have taken a part-time job helping around at the diner. There wasn't much variety in the Vault, and with certain jobs being limited to only one or two people what little options she had dwindled even further.

Butch had taken the reigns of the conversation after she had assigned herself back to searching duty. He gave a response she didn't think she'd hear: An officer.

"Don't go shooting me funny looks," He said, eyeing her as she gave him a sidelong glance.

She decided to leave that as it was, looking for a resting place and holding a serious conversation as he called it proved to be harder than she thought.

Their trek eventually led them to an abandoned campsite. There was blackened wood and a smoky aroma that indicated there was a fire not too long ago, a backpack with some sugar bombs, and canned pork and beans inside, and a note with barely legible scrawl stating to a Ben that a Ricardo, she learned from the closing statement, was going to go ahead to the old scrapyard without him, and that he should eat something before meeting up with him later and that if someone had taken the food before he got there it was his fault for not hurrying. She wouldn't touch the food left for Ben, however, the  junkyard peaked her interest. Most of the items would be picked over but Viola discovered a while ago that few Wastelanders knew that if you accumulated enough junk you could earn a decent amount of Caps.

She’d been deciding whether or she should drop Butch off at Megaton and get Dogmeat first, or try to make the quick stop to the Scrapyard before Megaton when Butch started taking dinner out from his backpack. The rotten smell of Yum Yum Deviled Eggs was enough to keep her present.

She picked up the conversation where she left it. “You rebel without a cause  types wouldn’t even waste the spit it would take to put a fire out if the thing burning happened to be some type of authority or institution. I doubt you’ve experienced any type of growth since you’ve stumbled out of the Vault.”Her gaze trailed over the length of his frame,taking in the relative newness of the jeans and white Tee he procured from Seagrave, shocked that they weren’t filthy yet.   “Imagining you willingly wearing another uniform is enough to induce  a fever dream.”

“Says you. I’ve grown plenty,”

“In the ego department, maybe.” She muttered at first then brought her voice back to a level tone.” Is this  some type of kink in your psyche? You hate what you secretly desire?”

“You calling me a boot muncher?”

“I’m saying that your sudden  judicial interests are suspect.”

“ They’re untouchable. People don’t mess with them. If someone’s stupid enough to push their luck they’ve got  three other officers there to back them up.” He managed through half chewed up deviled egg chunks.

She added her own items to their little spread: Muttfriut, Peaches,and Pinto Beans.  With his eggs and Sugar bombs they  almost had the four basic food groups, albeit the poor man’s version.

“So,” She paused, thinking, “you wanted to be a big man with legal backing, huh?  Gives credence to that one saying.”

Notwithstanding the obvious dig, He asked easily, “Yeah? What saying?”

“Bullies seek out positions of authority. Typically, the guys try to be officers and the girls go for nursing jobs. I’m a little surprised you didn’t get that as a result on the GOAT.”

Butch’s lips quirked into a stupid grin. “What’s all that make you miss Vault Managament?”

“ I’m only a partial bully and that’s thanks to you.”

“ Everything’s my fault. Right. I forgot.”

She shrugged. "You said it. Not me."

The conversation lulled as they fell to the rest of their meal. Gingerly holding a piece of Muttfruit under the fading sunlight, Butch shifted from his lazy supine  position to a full on crouch and put his nose to it. With that litmus test out the way, he nibbled on it like a molerat, sampling bite after bite, until the  full flavor zinged on his tongue. He spat the chewed mush  past his puckered lips.  Viola had gobbled down her cheekful of sugar bombs to free up space so she could tease but went for a subtle side eye last minute. Leave it to Butch to turn his nose up at something good for him.

“People move for them, you know?” He  admitted, jumping back into their intial conversation. More so to not have to take another bite than eager a need to continue their chat.

Narrowing her eyes, she said, “So you fantasize about the badge because  you have a naive fantasy about power and control.  Is that it?  You’re idea of  law  enforcement  and people in leadership explains your past behaviors a bit too well. ”

“Christ, way to miss a point. That ain’t it at all. Security has guns and stuff.”

“Weapons intimidate.  Intimation  can lead to power or control. Use your head for something besides hair gel for once.

“No, no,no-You brought up the badge, right?  That’s it.  That’s all it is.”

“I’m still not sure about what ‘it’ is.”

Butch huffed.

“Say I draw pretty picture.  Cogs in a circle. A winged sword jabbing through. You’d think..?

“Oh, an inkblot test almost.”

“A what? Quit stalling, Nosebleed.”

“The Brotherhood of Steel.  Resourceful. Altruistic. Tech-savvy. A bit frigid when it comes down to the more human side of things. Order, Structure, Chain of command—That’s them. Forming an order  and plotting ahead is smart of them. I don’t like their...well, steel but I respe--”

Butches eyes went wide and he pointed. “There.”

Viola chewed on that for a bit.   " I think I get you." She said, nodding.

Butch’s expression grew soft for split second but smoothed out and eventually went back to it’s normal wise guy grin.  

" How come I'm the only one sharing?"

" I honestly don't know what my answer would be."

" You never wanted nothing?"

She rolled the deviled egg she pilfered before Butch demolished the rest of them between her fingers.

"I remember wanting to do things that would make my father say that my mom would happy."

"And being a receptionist would have done that?"

"It did. He would tell me all the time that she would be happy that I'd taken to the working around the office. I think my mom and my dad valued my safety. That's what made them both happy. But out here safety’s luxury."

"Well, you’re not dead, stiff as a board, but not dead. I’d say you’re doing a good job of keeping yourself safe."

"Not for long. Not with all these curve balls."

They each took their turn taking watch as night fell and passed. Viola made Butch promise to wake her in case something happened and either through guilt or some form of pride he asked her to wake him if she ever got too tired.

A blinding sunlight woke Butch up.  Since she’d been out of the vault longer than he had she’d already adjusted to the wastelands rays, and simply took her pair of shades from her backpack and tolerated it on her skin.

"Wish we had something to drink." He said with sleep thick in his voice.

"I brought some purified water from home."

"Something stronger."

"That's not a good idea outside of any settlements," She shot him a withering glare," for you, I personally don’t think that's a good idea at all."

Butch grumbled, "Gimme the water then."

Butch took a three huge, loud gulps.

"I thought of something Mr. Brotch said."

Butch's crumpled his face up like she just told him she spat in his water. "Why?"

"I talked to him after the GOAT. I wasn't happy with my results—“

"—He never told me nothing like that."

"That's because he didn't like you. Look.  He told me the whole thing was a joke. And if  it is actually is joke, and we we could forgo those results then why not here?"

"What?"

"No one really knows who we are out here. As long as we're not blowing towns up, we can do anything. And if we get bored we can do something else."

"Something tells me the Officer thing is a pipe dream."

“You don’t have to be an Officer. That’s not what you want. Just make some noise and people will associate you with it. I know I do.”

"Yeah, I like that. And you can make your folks happy then."

“Yeah.”

Viola decided to take Butch to Megaton first. They gathered their belongings from around the camp and continued their journey. This time Butch leaned on Viola from the start.

“Hey.” He said a little too quietly.

“Is your ankle bothering you?”

“Nope.”

“What is it then?”

“Would you really have left me behind if I lost a leg?”

She let silence past so he would sweat some.

“No, but I would’ve given you one heck of a nickname.”

For the first time she made him rumble out in that snorting laughter only his friends back in the vault could.

“Nerd.”

*                                                  *                                                         *

A bit sentimental are ya? You might like my Young Justice(animated) fic, Game Plan, starring Wally West, long roads and glaring insecurity.

[gravitysanchez-blog]

TOURIST RICK-ED - a sanchez falls au fic

It’s finally done! I admit, I took way too long on this (since, like...last year. lol) but I’m really happy the way it turned out and how I established the base dynamics in this. 

If you’ve never heard of the Sanchez Falls AU, I can’t blame you: check it out here. If you don’t want to deal with the overdescriptive, kind of cringy description, it’s basically a Rick and Morty and Gravity Falls mashup, based off the “Dipper and Mabel” Morty and Morticia easter egg. Enjoy.

Ah, summer break. A time for leisure, relaxation, and new memories. And while I can’t say much for the former two, I can say that speeding down Oregon wilderness driving a golf cart with a puking sister and a mountain of gnomes chasing me definitely applies to new memories. Now, I know at this point you have a lot of questions. I would too, so let me go back a little bit - rest assured, there’s a perfectly logical explanation for this. 

This entire mess began up in Washington, when my mom and dad finally decided to get divorced after seventeen years of arguing. Mom, trying to readjust to a life without my dad, decided we could use some fresh air and time apart from the city. So she sent me, Morty Smith, and my twin sister Morticia down to Oregon to stay with our Great-Uncle Ricardo Sanchez, in a sleepy little town called Gravity Falls. While her and our big sister Summer try to get adjusted in Seattle, me and my sister are going to try to turn our lives around here and have a good time. Oh, and one more thing. There’s a goat on my bed.

“This attic is amazing!” Morticia, in the span of three seconds that we’ve been in the room, is already busy putting up kitten posters on one wall, taking the rickety bed on the right and spilling her yellow and pink clothes all over it. She turns to me while she’s sorting out her dresses and grins. “Although I’m not sure how I feel sharing a room with a dork like you.” She stick her tongue out at me. “Funny, ‘Tish.” Fun fact: one of our many running jokes between us is how much of losers we are. Our only friends are pretty much each other. Morbid, I know.

“So, uh, there’s a goat on my bed,” I said, changing the subject. “Are we not going to address this?”

We both looked over at the goat. It stared back at us with its yellow, beady eyes, sprawled on the comforters as it nibbled on what I supposed was my pillow. We were silent.

“I mean, it’s a little cute,” Tish murmured, sliding off her bed. “Hi, goat friend,” she sung as she wrapped her arms around her neck. It started chomping on her pink sweater. She looked at it. “Uh, okay. You do you, goat friend.” She turned to me. “He’s soft.”

“H-hey kids, what the fuck are you doing up there?”

And that’s my Great-Uncle Ricardo Sanchez. We call him Rick for short. What a guy. He was to transform his house into some tourist trap that he called “The Mystery Shack”. The real mystery was why anybody wanted to come to a tourist attraction in a town with a population of 300 people. But they did, and guess who had to work there.

Tish looked over at the doorway, still hugging the goat. She was a little scared of Rick, I could tell. We both were. He was loud, rude, vulgar, and most of the time drunk. Why my mother had the bright idea that he would be a good guardian for the summer was beyond both of us.

His feet clanked up the stairs, and as he appeared in the doorway with his tie loose, he stared at both of us. “Kids, aren’t you supposed to be taking care of the gift shop?”

“T-t-there’s a goat on my bed.”

He stared down at me, and I swallowed.

“What, Gompers? He’s fine. Fuckin goat does what it wants. Doesn’t hurt anybody.” He pulled a flask from his suit and took a swig. “I’ll take him down if you stop giving me that pathetic look, though. God.”  

I shifted my eyes to the ground. This summer was supposed to be all about good vibes, but what good vibes were we going to get working in a gift shop for an alcoholic uncle?

Tish got up, patting her knees. “I think Gompers likes me.”

“Gompers likes anyone that has something he can eat. W-w-why don’t you take him down, if you like him so much. Your brother can go down and work the gift shop until you’re done. Cuz you know what I like? Money.”

Tish sighed, getting up. “You’re no fun,” she said, but Rick had already stumbled downstairs. I groaned as I got up and followed him. Both of us had been hoping that maybe we could get away from the wreck that was our lives in a completely new place, and actually make something of an awesome summer. So far we’ve got a random goat on my bed and an alcoholic, rude uncle who uses his relatives for free labor. Not adding up very well.

Then, something happened.

It didn’t start off very exciting. Kind of boring.

I was cleaning the gift shop while my sister Tish hid behind the merch shelf, having a mental breakdown peeping at some guy. “He’s so cute! Gosh, I should talk to him, shouldn’t I? Wait, but what if I do something, Morty? What if I mess up an-and trip and he thinks I’m a klutz? What if he thinks my socks are stupid? Oh, jeez, why did I only bring my blue socks this is a disaster, why couldn’t I just have brought white socks like a normal person-”

“Tish, I know you’re going th-through your boy-crazy, teenage-hormones phase, but you’re going a little too far on the crazy part. Calm down. Jeez.” “What?” She rolled her eyes and turned to me. “Come on, Morty, this is our first summer away from home! If I’m going to make this summer worth something, I have to at least have one sweet summer romance.”

Girls. “Yeah, but do you need to obsess over every guy you meet?” Just a couple days ago, she hid behind a huddle of balloons and crushed on the mattress-sale guy. If that wasn’t borderline crazy, I didn’t know what was.

She shrugged. “Mock all you want, Morty, but I got a good feeling about this summer. Great things are going to happen!” She turned to me with a smile. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the guy of my dreams walked through that door right-”

“Morty, Girl Morty!” Rick stomped in, wiping the drool from his chin and adjusting his hat. Trying to look professional, I guess. That’s how he got people. He was incredible at playing the mystic Mr. Mystery and the humble Uncle Rick to our mom. Live with him, and you see his true colors.

Tish slid back over to the counter, watching him as he crossed his arms in the doorway. “Alright, kids, look alive! I need-” he belched “-I need someone to hammer these signs, hammer ‘em in the woods up there. It’ll be great, get in business or whatever.”

“Not it!”

“Not it!” my sister almost shrieked.

“Not it!” Rick’s handyman, Soos, stood up on a ladder behind us hammering in a shelf.

“Soos, nobody-nobody fuckin’ asked you.” He turned away. “Jessica! I need you to put  up these signs.”

Our red-headed cashier of the shack groaned, shifting her feet on the counter. “I mean, I would, Mr. Sanchez, but you know, I’m a small, fragile woman. I can’t handle the woods, I might eaten by a scary bear.”

“J-j-jessica, your family are literally all loggers.”

“Yeah, but I’m a woman-”

“Okay, okay, shut up. Jesus Christ, I would literally, fucking, fire all of you if I could,” he muttered, rubbing his temples. He turned to me suddenly. “Alright, Morty, go put up these signs. You’re, uh, you’re a man. I think.”

“Aw, I’m a man too!” Soos grumbled from his ladder. I wholeheartedly agreed with him. Rick decided to ignore Soos, and shoved the signs into my arms. “Chop-chop, Morty.”

“Oh-oh jeez, Rick, seriously? Those woods are creepy! Every time-every time I go in them, I feel like I’m being, I don’t know, watched, or something.” I almost cringed at Rick’s gaze glaring down at me. I probably did.

Rick rolled his eyes. “Ugh, this again. Look, Morty, I know you’re an anxious, whiny little teenager, but seriously. There’s no monsters or anything “paranormal” in this town. For god’s sake, it’s a bunch of rednecks and-and...country people out here.”

“H-hey, just today, my mosquito bites spelled out ‘Beware’! You...you can’t deny that, Rick!” I put my arm up so he could see, and he squinted down at the words.

“You know, to be fair, I am incredibly drunk right now, but I’m pretty sure that says Bewarb.” I looked down, and to be honest he was right. “You need to calm your tits, Morty.” He straightened up, almost falling backwards. “Li-listen, this whole ‘monsters in the forest’ thing is just local legend, made up so that your Great-Uncle Rick can make a shit ton of money and pay off the mortgage of this dump, alright? So quit being a pussy and put up those goddamn signs.” On that note, he walked out of the shop.

Joy.

“Great-Uncle Rick never takes anything I say seriously,” I grumbled, hammering sings on various trees. Nobody was going to see this stupid things, anyway, and even if someone did, they’d probably be too creeped out to be interested. I swear, sometimes Rick just makes us do these things to be an asshole for fun-

CLANG

Struck out of my thoughts, I stared at the tree in front of me, the nail between my fingers. Cautiously, I took the hammer and struck the nail again, pressing my ear to the bark this time.

CLANG. CLANG.

“...what the hell?”

On the side of my arm, I suddenly noticed a groove in the bark. I dropped my hammer and nail, shoving my fingers into the groove and started wrenching it back. The metal dug into my fingers as I pried it away, falling to the ground with a thud.

There was a mechanical box sitting inside the tree, dials and tubes and switches, all covered in dust and cobwebs in the opening. I sat there for a moment in shock. This was real. Not like the Bewarb thing, not like Rick’s stupid mystery shack. This was something mysterious, something weird.

I flipped a dial. Nothing happened. I flipped it again. Still, nothing happened, I flipped another one. Nothing happened-

“MAAA!”

I jumped, whipping around. Behind me, Gompers the Goat, sweater-and-bed-muncher, jumped away from me and into the woods. I stared at him for a second, before looking where he once was to find a large, gaping hole had appeared.

“What the hell?” I walked up to it, kneeling down and peering inside. I was met with dirt and cobwebs, slinging around the walls leading into an underground box. Inside, there was a large book, covered with more dirt and spiderwebs.

Well, wasn’t that just mysterious.

I dug my hands under the book, cobwebs sticking to my arms, and pulled it out, getting more cobwebs and grime off the book and onto my shirt. It was made of some sort of dyed blue leather, a six fingered hand on the cover with a 3 written in the middle. The whole thing reeked of some fantastical mystery - and mold.

I flipped open the book on the ground, peeling away the rough pages. The title page was torn, “Property of” on the top middle, but cut off. Mysterious. I picked the book up closer to my face and turned the page.

June 18 - it’s hard to believe it’s been six years since I started investigating the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls - I looked back up. This had to be a joke, right? I mean, yeah, the bewarb thing was a little weird, and certainly a mechanical tree isn’t normal at all, but seriously? This was too unreal. Great-Uncle Rick just said it was all a scam. Rick also might have been too drunk to really notice anything substantial, though.

I couldn’t stop flipping through the book, my mind nearly blown with drawings and descriptions of cool and creepy monsters - Floating Eyeballs, Giant Vampire Bats (fun!), gnomes, cursed doors. Each page was a whole new crazy thing.

I kept mindlessly flipping, taking it all in. It had to be true, I thought. Why would someone go out of their way to hide all of this? Not to mention write it. I kept flipping, until my eyes caught something large and bolded, scratched in the middle of a page. TRUST NO ONE “Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I’m being watched by that son of a bitch! I have to hide this book before he finds it. Remember, in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.” What? “No one you can trust?” Absently, I closed the book. What did he mean, he was being watched? Who was “he”? At first, this seemed cool, but everything was starting to get a little more scarier…

“Morty! There you are!”

“Ah!” I dropped the book, whipping around to see Tish right behind me, leaning on a stump. “Thank god, I just escaped Rick and was looking for you. So what about this “no one you can trust” thing you said to yourself in the middle of the woods?”

“Uh…” I shoved the book with my foot under a log. “Ah, i-i-i-it’s nothing! D-d-do-don’t worry about it. Just, you know. Uh. Me.” I grinned.

She folded her arms, looking over my shoulder. “Wow, didn’t expect you to take that so seriously. Did you just push a book under that log? What are you hiding?”

“Tish!” I looked around. The goat was back, and had pulled the book under the log. He was chewing happily on the cover. “I’ll...I’ll show you. Can we go somewhere private?”

Back in the shack, I paced the living room. “Tish, it’s insane! Rick said I was being paranoid, but according to this book I found in the woods, Gravity Falls has this totally cool, awesome, kind of scary dark side!” I flipped to the Floating Eyes page, showing it to her. “Look at this, Tish!”

“What? You’re kidding me, right? This is a joke.”

I paced around again. “No, I’m not joking. But get this, Tish. At some point, the pages just, like, stop. Like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared. There’s even this page where the author says something about someone watching him and having to hide the books, and it’s just all...crazy!” This was not what I was expecting this summer, but even though it was pretty scary this was much better than any boring summer working for an alcoholic great uncle.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, loud and clear. “Who is that?” Who would be visiting Rick? The bartender? Who could even stand to be around him and know him personally for even five minutes? “Well,” Tish looked down, wringing her hands and grinning. “I might...I might have got a date.”

What.

“Let me get this straight. You, the other socially awkward half of me,who has no friends and can barely talk to a guy without tripping over her own shoes, and is worried about the color of her socks got a boyfriend in the half-hour that I was gone? You’ve never had a boyfriend in your life!”

Tish fell back on Rick’s easy chair. “What can I say, brother? I guess it’s just...summer lovin’ up in the air!”

“Tish, please never say that again.”

The doorbell rang again, and Tish sprang up, running a hand over her hair. Flashes of anxiety and excitement were clear on her face. “Uh, c-c-coming!”

Joy. I sat up on the couch, crouching over the book. Honestly, who cared about Tish’s new boyfriend? And her expanding social life that apparently was going a lot better than mine? Because of this book, I was having one of the most exciting days of my life. Eye-bats!

“W-w-what’cha reading there, buddy?”

Quickly, I shoved the book out of site. “Uhh, just, uh, just, ca-catching up on-” I grabbed a magazine from the side table and read the cover - “uh, Playboy for Silver Foxes?” Immediately, I regretted being born as my eyes hit a forty year old woman strip teasing on the cover. I wanted to drench my face in bleach.

His unibrow raised up at me in suspicion, but he shrugged it off as he pulled his flask out of his back pocket and took a swig. “Although I’d like to know how those got out of my room.”

Oh, jeez. “H-hey, I-”

“Hi, Grunkle - uh, Great-Uncle Rick, Morty. This is-this is my new boyfriend!” Mabel popped in the doorway, discreetly trying to hide the sweat coming down her forehead, grinning widely as she pulled someone’s arm from the hallway. The guy that immediately popped in looked like some of the emo kids from school - dark hoodie, crazy eyeliner, creepy glare.

“Sup,” said the emo dude.

“Uh, hi.”

“We met at a graveyard, and omigosh he was so poetic and deep it was so beautiful-” Tish started gushing as she clung onto his arm, looking up at him. “Is...is that muscle?” She looked back at me with a grin.

Rick stared back at the guy, his unibrow raised. “So, uh...how you doing?”

The guy’s eyes seized up as they started darting around the room. “Uh...uh...norm-normal!” he nearly shrieked. “Normal...man!” Rick stayed silent as he stared at the guy, taking another swig from his flask.

“Good for you, buddy.”

“H-h-he means Norman,” Tish said dreamily, leaning into him. “That’s his name.”

Rick looked at me. For once, I had to agree with the crazy son of a bitch - this was weird.

“So...uh,” Norman took a step back, and Tish nearly stumbled. “Do you, uh, wanna, go and uh, hold hands or something?”

“Oh, that would be amazing,” Tish murmured, leaning into him more than I thought possible and dreamily taking his hand.

Rick rolled his eyes, flopping next to me on the couch. “Oh my god, shut up already. Jesus Christ, you’re going to make me sick.” He picked up the remote and started flipping channels. “Don’t you two have a date or something?”

“Oh, silly me!” Tish started dragging Norman out of the hallway. “I’ll see you guys tonight!”

As they left, Rick leaned over to me. “Morty, if you take anything from me, do yourself a favor and don’t get wrapped up in that shit. Focus on money. It’ll get you a lot farther than that pointless, annoying crap.”

Says the man with Playboy for Silver Foxes, I though. I decided to ignore that, though. Norman was the main thing on my mind right now, and he was just way too creepy and weird for me to get my mind off of him. No wonder Tish got a boyfriend, if that was the selection. “So, uh, Rick, w-what did you think of Norman.”

“Morty, do you honestly think I actually give a shit?” He straightened up, flipping channels again. “All that shit is to me is annoying garbage that never did anyone any good. Now, what isn’t garbage,” he turned and grinned to me, putting down the remote, “is reality television, Morty. At least it gives you pleasure in your day with no bullshit.”

The TV, in front of me, was portraying an episode of National Geographic, far from reality TV. A mother tiger was taking care of her young.

I got up, discreetly hiding the journal under my shirt and shuffling to the other room. “Uh, okay, Rick. You do that”

“Damn right I will, Morty!” he shouted out before I left.

In the other attic, I curled up on the corner of the wall, flipping through pages. “More eye-bats, gnomes, gnomes…” Suddenly, my eye caught on a page. “Zombies? Those actually exist?” I curled up tighter, hunching over and bringing my eyes to the page.

Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes these creatures are often mistaken for…”Teenagers?” I looked down at the illustration, and the eyes of the creature bored into me as Norman’s did, and I swore I could hear Norman’s voice come out of the drawing.

Norman was a zombie! It all made sense!

It was then that I realized Norman’s voice wasn’t coming from the illustration - it was coming from outside.

I scrambled to the window, hanging on the sill and watching in horror as Tish sat on the bench outside, giggling. Before her, Norman was stumbling towards her, arms outstretched, ready to take my sister in his jaws and rip apart her brains, and my sister was unaware that she was about to die by a zombie, and I had to do something, I had to warn her before it was too late-

“Mabel, watch out!” I shrieked, slamming my palm again the window. He put his hands on her neck. “Mabel, NO-”

He took his hands away, revealing a new daisy chain around her neck. I could see her face light up as she giggled away, batting her eyelashes at him. Okay, so he didn’t eat her brains. Zombies weren’t even real! I looked down at the book. This stupid thing was probably written as a joke or a prank.

But was it?

“Is my sister dating a zombie, or am I just going crazy?” I asked myself.

Behind me, a voice rang out. “It sure is a dilemma.”

I turned around, greeted by a familiar face. “Soos? What are you doing here?”

Soos was on a ladder again, screwing in a lightbulb. “Avoiding Rick. He’s in a bad mood right now, dude. Probably because of your sister’s date. He has a bad history with women. Anyway, I couldn’t help but overhear you talkin’ to yourself in this empty room while I was here.”

I turned my back against the window. “Honestly, Soos, how do you even stand Rick?”

Soos shrugged, getting off the ladder. “Rick’s not a totally bad guy. He’s a jerk, but not a bad guy. We have a little bit of history together, I guess. It’s a long story, dude.”

“It’s going to take a while before I believe that.” I looked back down at the book. “But, Soos, do you think Tish’s new boyfriend might be a zombie?”

Soos shrugged. “I don’t know, dude, but there’s a lot of weird things in this town. I wouldn’t doubt it. I mean, dude, the mailman has got to be a werewolf with how hairy he is. I’d say you should follow the guy and see if he eats any brains.”

For someone who says “dude” a lot more than ever should be used, he had a point. I got up. “Good point, Soos. Time to go investigating, I guess.”

So that’s how I spent my afternoon - creeping in the shadows and watching my sister go on her date with Norman. I know, I know it sounds weird and creepy, but I needed to see if this guy was really a zombie. This book might be just a prank, but it also might not. I mean, what if he did eventually try to eat my sister’s brains? That would so ruin my summer.

However, at the end of the day, I just felt stupid. I had found absolutely nothing to prove that Norman was a zombie, though I had taken ten thousand photos and videos of them. Sitting in the other attic, watching the video of them watching the sun, I groaned. I was a stupid, nervous wreck. Why did I even believe anything from some stupid book, I wondered, as I watched Norman reattach his fallen-off arm and readjust it around my sister’s shoulders.

Wait, what?

Quickly, I rewound the video. Sure enough, I witnessed my sister’s boyfriend’s arm fall off his shoulder, him look around warily before he reattached it before my sister noticed.

I was right. Norman was a zombie. Cold dread sunk into my chest. I had to do something, save her before it was too late.

“So, uh...now that we’ve been together for so long, and uh...got to know each other, there’s something I should tell you.”

Morticia and Norman were enjoying the view of the valley when Norman spoke. The girl, shook out of her love-stricken daydreams, turned towards him. A guy with secrets? That was hot. And a guy who trusted her with these secrets? This was turning out way better than she expected. She better not mess this up.

Morticia leaned towards him. “Y-y-you can tell me any-anything, Norman.” As soon as the words left her, she cringed. She hated it when her stuttering took over, and hated the fact that it usually came up the worst around someone that wasn’t her family. She was perfectly fine around Morty and her sister Summer - hell, even Rick sometimes, but one stranger could leave her a mess. She probably looked like an idiot, Norman would see she was just some loser-

“You see, I’m uh, not who you think I am,: he said, turning his head away as he stood up, fiddling with his jacket zipper. “Do you think you would still like me if, I, uh, was...different?”

Oh, jeez. THis was the part where he revealed his dark yet romantic secrets to her. Morticia was almost frozen by everything writhing through her head. Out of all the misery she faced with guys at school, this was her breakthrough, she had done it, now all she had to do was not fuck this up, she could shove his beautiful face into those cheerleading girls who called her an ugly loser-

“Morticia?”

She was struck out of her thoughts as she noticed Norman staring intently at her, his hair blowing slightly in the breeze. Shit, she had zoned out. “Y-y-yeah, sorry, sorry!” she sputtered, scrambling up. “Of course, you-you can tell me anything, Norman!”

He stared at her for what seemed like an hour. She had begun to sweat again. Oh, she had really done it this time, fucking hell-

He shrugged, and with a quick motion he unzipped his jacket to reveal...what?

She stared as his body came apart as his jacket fell off his shoulder, disassembling to reveal five or six stacked little men, with flannel and lumberjack beards and pointy hats, all grinning up at her, and she was face-to-face with them. “Surprise, we’re gnomes!” The top one cheered up at her.

Well, this certainly wasn’t the twist she was expecting, and this certainly wasn’t romantic or hot. What the hell kind of prank was this?

She sat there, frozen yet again, as the top gnome jumped down onto a log and looked up at her. “Look, here’s the thing. Our gnome queen just died, and we need a new one. You’re the perfect woman, Morticia, and we all love you. So what do you say, babe? Do you wanna marry this hot hunk and become the new gnome queen, loved by all?” As he said this, he nudged her with his elbow, tapping her hip.

All of a sudden, she wanted to run and hide in her room under her pile of sweaters and blankets. She started to back away, rubbing her arms. “LIsten, t-that’s really sweet, sweet of you guys, but, uh, I should...get back home. I don’t think this is going to work.” She turned away.

A sigh came from behind her. “I thought you might say that,” the gnome said from behind her. “Which is why we’re going to kidnap you.”

Wait, what, no-

“TISH!”

The forest around me was a blur as I bounced over logs and sticks and shrubs in the Mystery Shack golf cart, I had to find Tish, god knows what could have happened by now, she could have already been eaten, her guts spread out over a rock and Norman hunched over eating her brains, I could already be too late- “TISH! TISH!”

“MORTY!”

I stopped. “TISH, WHERE ARE YOU?” I screamed out. God, I wasn’t too late, hopefully, she hadn’t had her brains eaten yet, maybe Norman was about to crack her skull before she heard me-

“MORTY, HELP! OVER HERE!”

The yell came from my right, behind a clump of bushes and trees. I slammed on the gas pedal and shot forward, breaking sticks and branches. “Tish!” All around me, fir branches were splitting cuts into my face and arms, the cart bouncing over the debri-

As I came into a clearing, bursting out of a bush, I suddenly had to stop. When I was driving in, I had expected to see a brain-hungry Norman chasing after Tish. Instead...she was tied up and pinned to the ground with a wedding tiara on, surrounding by a crowd of tiny lumberjack men filling up the clearing. One was next to my sister Tish with a wedding ring on. “We’re trying to have a ceremony here, excuse you!” he shouted angrily at me.

I got out of the cart. “Uh, Tish, what’s going on?”

She shifted her eyes away. “Apparently Norman just ended up being a bunch of gnome jerks. They kidnapped me to enslave me as their queen or something.”

The gnome with the wedding ring in his hand laughed. “Darling, sweetie pie, don’t be so dramatic. You’re not in danger or anything, you’re just going to marry all one thousand of us for all eternity! Is that really that terrible?” Gnomes? All this time I thought Norman was a zombie, but all this time he was actually a bunch of gnomes? I grabbed the journal from my vest and flipped through it. I still didn’t understand how Norman was a bunch of gnomes, but on the plus side gnomes shouldn’t be that dangerous, right? I landed on the gnome page I saw earlier, my eyes skimming the text. “Weaknesses…”

Weaknesses: NONE

They were two feet tall, and they had no weaknesses? I looked up and stared at them. No way. There was no freaking way they were indestructible. “L-listen, you-you jerks! Let my sister go!”

The gnome laughed again, his hands on his hips. “Listen, listen, kid. We’re not going to do that. We need a queen, boy, and there’s nothing you can do to stop us! We’re a powerful race, what do you think you could do-”

CLUNK

He flopped over as I slammed the back of a shovel against his head. Thank god it had been in the back of the golf cart. I raised my weapon up, kneeling towards Tish and pulling up the ties. “Anyone wanna piece of this?”

As she scrambled up and we raced towards the cart, the gnomes started chasing towards us, waving sticks and fists. “That’s our queen! You can’t get away with her!” Tish looked back at me with a terrified look. She threw herself in the passenger seat, pulling me up to the drivers as they clambered towards us. “Go, go, Morty!”

I slammed on the gas, and we speeded off to leave the crowd of two-feet tall men in the dust. Weakness: speed. “Later, suckers!” I yelled, a rush of adrenaline going through me.

I refocused back towards the road. “I knew something was up with those guys! There was just no way you could have gotten a boyfriend that fast. I went and looked it up in the journal, and I thought he was a zombie at first, but dang, gnomes-”

“Yeah, I get it!” Tish shrieked. “Just drive!” She was turned around facing the back of the cart, and I noticed the terrified look on her face. “Shit, Morty, ju-just drive! I think they did a Voltron and made one huge, giant gnome!”

I slammed on the gas, taking a quick look behind me and she was right - I watched in horror as the gnomes climbed upon themselves in the thousands until they blocked the sun, am menacing, horrifying mass of gnomes. The thing started running towards us, the vibrations rattling the cart, getting closer and closer shit shit shit holy fuck oh jeez we’re going to die - Tish grabbed my arm. “Morty, they’re-they’re getting closer!”

I turned back towards the road. “I know!”

She was silent for a second, then “Morty-”

“I know-!”

“-MORTY, behind you!”

I got thrown against the steering wheel as a huge weight fell on my back, almost slamming my head against the dashboard. “They’re catapulting the gnomes, you idiot!” she screeched.

I reached behind me and grabbed the gnome off my back, throwing him and whacked him against the horn as he latched onto my arm, his grimy teeth chewing on my skin - jeez get off my goddamn body what the hell - until with a final smack he screeched and tumbled out of the cart, rolling in the dust like a rock. Suddenly, I couldn’t see as a gnome head took over my vision, his little gnome claws scratching my cheeks - “TISH!” - my head was thrown back into the seat with a forceful thwack. The gnome fell off, bouncing off my lap, Tish’s fists balled.

“Tish, did you just punch my face?”

“How else am I going to get the thing off?” she yelled, fingers gripping the seat as she looked behind her. Suddenly, her face went white. “Morty, look!”

I looked behind me again - at this point, if the forces that be seemed to want to obstruct my view of driving with all their power, then so be it. The monster had its hands - or gnome clusters, whatever - gripped onto a pine tree, and throwing itself back I heard the roots snap as the tree was yanked out of the ground. “He’s going to throw it at us!” Tish shrieked, ducking.

I watched, frozen in fear, as the gnome monster threw his arm back, slamming his foot against the ground and flung his arm forward. The tree was coming towards us like a rocket, my heart jumped as I saw the thing fly over us - it was going to hit the ground and block the road in front of us, we would be trapped -

I gripped the steering wheel. “Hold on!” I twisted the wheel to the right and slammed my body against Tish’s to the edge. She screamed in my ear when, with one hand holding her and the other holding the steering wheel, we flipped sideways under the falling tree. I could hear the branches slapping the side of the cart, one poking my leg as we sailed under the hulking mass plummeting on us. The bark caught on the end of the cart as we slid through, an awful SCREECH filling the air. My heart hurt as it pounded against my chest, jumping off my ribcage as the tree THWOMPED to the ground three feet behind us.

The side of the car slammed on the ground, and me and Tish collapsed on the dirt. “Oh my god,” breathed Tish.

We stilled as the vibrations of the monster got closer, rumbling. I looked up, and there it was - the completely terrifying, towering, giant pile of gnomes, the sun blaring behind its head. Tish shoved me off of her. “I’ll deal with this. Just stay here,” she muttered, hoisting herself over the side of the cart.

I climbed out after her. “Tish, you’re not going to handle it by yourself!”

She kept walking towards the monster, her fists clenched. “Go away, Morty!” “What the hell, Tish?” I got up and brushed the front of my jeans. “I get it, I imagine the whole gnome thing was pretty traumatizing, but I just saved your life. Why are you acting all pissy at me?”

“I’m fine, Morty!”

“Don’t give me that, Tish! What the hell is going on?”

Tish turned around and looked at me, her eyes glittering as she bit her lip. “You want to know what’s going on, Morty? You just saved me from the big bad monster, you’re right! All because your sister Tish-” her shoulders started shaking “is too god-goddamn of a loser to ever find anyone decent! I get it, whenever I even try I’ll just get punished for, for stepping out my boundaries.” She looked down. “I get it. My first boyfriend, and he’s a clan of gnomes. That’s what people like me deserve. I get it. Y-you don’t need to rub it in.”

“Tish-”

She started walking away again. “Morty, just leave me alone!”

I ran up to her and grabbed her shoulder. “Tish, if you think you deserve that you’re an idiot. Just because the cheer team and the jocks think we’re losers-”

“-and the whole school.”

“So? Who cares what a bunch of stupid teenagers think about us, Tish? You’re not a loser. You’re like, the most pure-hearted and good person I know. God, Tish, the only way I’m dealing with this divorce is because I have you. You deserve so much better than anyone at our stupid mess of a school, and certainly a lot better than that…” I looked back up at the lumbering giant gnome-pile lumbering towards us, “...thing.” That was going to have be dealt with soon.

Tish looked at me, her eyes narrowed. She wiped her cheek. ‘“Y-you’re not just saying that, because I’m your sister?”

I hugged her. “W-well, of course I am. but anyone who doesn’t realize the same thing is an idiot, Tish. You’re great.”

Tish looked back up at the monster, coming closer. “Thanks, Morty. But, uh, what are we going to do about that?”

“What, didn’t you have a plan?”

Tish looked at me. “No, of course not. I’m a teenage girl being angsty, I’m not thinking about how to stop a monster. I have like, self esteem issues.”

I looked behind us, separating the hug. The monster was still pounding towards us, the gnome components screaming in battle fury. “I’ve got you kids now!” one of them shrieked. The shrieker held the ring in his tiny fist, waving it in the air. “My beautiful bride, you will finally be back with us in your rightful place…” his voice dropped suddenly.

“Oh, shit-sHIT GUYS RUN BACK RUN BACK-”

A white light exploded from underneath the gnome monster, throwing the gnomes into the air. Me and Tish winced as we heard their shrieks and various thumps on the ground. Suddenly, another BOOM ricocheted through the air, and we ran back as fire and brimstone ripped in a neat circle around the property.

I grabbed Tish’s hand and started backing off. She turned to me. “What the hell?”

“Hey, dumbasses! Be careful of the mines, goddammit!” A slurred yell came from the shack.

Tish turned to me. “Did….”

I stared out at the scattered, fleeing crowd of gnomes. “I can’t believe Rick put a line of mines around the Shack.”

Tish snorted. “This is Rick we’re talking about here. Are you really that surprised?”

“Honestly, however Mom decided that this man was good enough to take of two teenagers is beyond me.”

Later, Tish and I were strolling the gift shop, Rick counting the money in the cash register. “Sorry for-for setting off your, uh, mines, Grunkle Rick.”

He looked at her. “What did you call me?”

Tish glanced over at me, and I was surprised to see a glint in her eye. “Grunkle Rick. It’s like Great Uncle mashed together. Grunkle. He stared at her for a second with a expression mixed with either confusion or disdain - I couldn’t tell. After a few seconds, he shrugged and looked back down to counting money. “Whatever. Mines were set there to blow up anyway.” He looked back up at us. “You know, if you want something from the gift shop, you can have it, right?”

Tish, who looked to be holding something in her hands, looked over. “Wait, really?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

She looked over at me, a confused expression at me. I put my hands up. Why Rick was deciding to be nice was beyond me. Maybe somewhere in that skinny, old bastard, there really is someone decent.

She grinned, spinning around. “Uh, Gru-Grunkle Rick, I found this, I found this grappling hook!”

He sighed, leaning into his hand. “Fine. Don’t break anything.”

I looked down at my right. Beside me were a set of baseball caps with pine trees on them - Oregon sure puts a lot of pride in their trees. On my other side, Tish was sliding herself against one of the shelfs, grinning as she held her grappling hook. It seemed maybe the gnome experience made her feel a little more confident about this place. That it wasn’t going to turn into a giant shithole, that maybe we could have one good summer.

I looked back down at the caps.

Well, Oregon, with your gnomes and your pine trees, show me what you got.

[thrashermaxey]

20 Fantasy Hockey Thoughts

Every Sunday, we'll share 20 Fantasy Thoughts from our writers at DobberHockey. These thoughts are curated from the past week's ‘Daily Ramblings’.

Writers: Michael Clifford, Ian Gooding, Cam Robinson, and Dobber

  1. This year’s free agent crop is one absolutely loaded with talent. Aside from Mark Stone, names like Erik Karlsson, Sergei Bobrovsky, Artemi Panarin, Matt Duchene, Joe Pavelski, and Jeff Skinner top the list, and that’s discounting guys like Alex Edler and Jordan Eberle.

Stone is one of the few players I suspect will be on the move at or before the trade deadline and that means there’s a lot of interest in his future both for the balance of this season and next year.

Let’s set aside the balance of this year for a second. One reason Stone’s UFA contract should be fascinating is that he’s truly one of the best wingers on the planet. Are there enough GMs who view him as such that there will be a bidding war? He has 105 points in his last 98 games, so his offense has started to show through over the last couple seasons.

Stone may not be a coveted fantasy asset like Brad Marchand or Vladimir Tarasenko but he’s similar in real-world talent. He should see north of $8-million a year. How much further will depend on how general managers value him which is, in a nerdy-ish kind of way, exciting. (jan3)

  2. Where’s the clamoring for John Gibson as MVP this year? All the usual names like Nathan MacKinnon, Connor McDavid, and Nikita Kucherov are constantly brought up. What about Gibson? Night after night through two months of the 2018-19 season this guy was getting bombarded and he kept this team in and around a playoff spot. He deserves serious Hart consideration. (jan1)

  3. I guess six goals and nine points in seven games isn’t enough to keep you on an NHL roster anymore. At least it wasn’t for Brandon Pirri, who was sent to the AHL on Friday. No, it doesn’t make sense on the surface. But Max Pacioretty returned from injured reserve on Friday and Pirri was waiver-exempt (had not been on an NHL roster for 10 games or 30 consecutive days), while other options for demotion weren’t.

That’s the cap world for you, and maybe even an example of the difference between how an NHL roster and your fantasy team are constructed.

  4. Golden Knights assistant GM Kelly McCrimmon has said “he’ll (Pirri) be back.” For now, you’re probably safe to drop Pirri, unless you have generous bench space. It sounds like he’ll be the first player recalled in the event of another injury, so we might not have to wait very long to see him again. Must be nice to be the Vegas Golden Knights and accumulate this much depth. (jan5)

  5. David Rittich returned to the net Saturday after a brief injury absence, stopping 32 of 34 shots in a 3-2 win over the Flyers. You probably know by now that Rittich has been by far the better Flames’ goalie. If the Flames are to continue their stay at the top of the Western Conference, it’s imperative that they play the hot hand instead of the guy with the higher salary in Mike Smith. (jan6)

  6. An update from the Flyers states that goaltender Brian Elliott may return before the end of January, or pre-All Star break. With that said, as long as Carter Hart remains healthy and gives the Flyers a chance to win every night, he’s not leaving the starters’ role. (jan1)

  7. The way goalies have been dropping like flies, not only will Flyers’ recent waiver-wire acquisition Mike McKenna suit up again in the NHL this season, but he’ll become somewhat fantasy relevant at some point. It may be with the Flyers, but it could just as well be with another team. If you don’t believe me, then I bet the injury-ravaged (at least in net) Leafs would have picked him up off waivers had the Flyers passed on him. (jan5)

  8. Dougie Hamilton, nice to finally see you in the boxscore. Hamilton’s goal and assist last Thursday were his first points since (looks way down the game log) December 5. That was 11 games without a point. Even with the point drought coming to an end, there are still signs that it’s not going to happen for Hamilton in Carolina. He’s still on the second-unit power play behind Justin Faulk and of late has often played under 20 minutes.

I know there are plenty of defensemen with good offensive numbers that play less than 20 minutes per game but, from a fantasy perspective, Hamilton is simply not being used enough by the Canes to be effective in points leagues relative to other options. Yes, I can see that he had comparable ice time numbers in Calgary, but minutes and opportunities matter if you’re looking for reasons that his production is way down.

I know I’ve banged the drum on Hamilton in the past, but I’m currently in sell mode when it comes to his stock, having just traded him away in one single-season league. (jan4)

  9. I know that it can take years before we determine the real winner of a trade. But when you factor in Noah Hanifin and Elias Lindholm, can we declare Calgary the early winner of the offseason trade with Carolina?

Calgary has Hanifin and Lindholm, who has already established a career high in points in half a season. For Carolina, Hamilton  has struggled mightily, while Micheal Ferland has cooled off (just one goal since November 21). Carolina also received prospect Adam Fox in the deal, so there’s still time for this deal to be more favorable for the Hurricanes. (jan6)

  10. In Friday’s Ramblings, I mentioned Jared Spurgeon and his ice time with Matt Dumba out of the lineup. Hopefully you’ve noticed, as Spurgeon is really heating up. With two goals on Saturday, Spurgeon now has three goals and five points over his last two games. Spurgeon hadn’t taken advantage of the situation scoring-wise until those last two games, but he’s been an absolute minute muncher since Dumba’s injury, averaging just over 26 minutes per game since December 18. (jan6)

Reminder: Our Midseason Guide is up for presale with a release date of next Friday, January 11. Pre-order it here and make sure it’s in your Downloads section waiting for you the instant we publish it.

11. Tyler Seguin scored both Stars’ goals in their 2-1 overtime win over Washington on Friday. Seguin now has goals in back-to-back games and points in four consecutive games for a total of six points since the CEO’s abrasive comments one week ago. Maybe the comments have lit a fire under Seguin. (jan5)

  12. A day after being named to the Pacific Division All-Star team, Elias Pettersson left Thursday’s game against Montreal with a lower-body injury. At first glance, I thought it seemed like a fairly innocent play. You can see Pettersson’s leg bend in a way that it shouldn’t. But then you can also see Jesperi Kotkaniemi pulling Pettersson to the ice while getting his legs in the way. It should have been a two-minute penalty, but whatever.

As a Canucks’ fan, I will say optics-wise that I’m not as angry about this incident as I was about the Mike Matheson chokeslam that cost the Panthers’ defenseman two games and sidelined Petey with a concussion. As long as Pettersson is embarrassing opponents, he’s going to have a target on his back for some physical payback. (jan4)

The Calder Trophy favorite has been diagnosed with a slight MCL sprain in his knee. This injury typically requires 1-2 weeks of recovery. (jan6)

  13. Even with 33 goals and 66 points, 2017-18 was seen as a down year for Vladimir Tarasenko. He had been battling through injuries and the St. Louis power play didn’t do him any favors, but some (present company included) were excited for a turnaround for the 2018-19 season. Things haven’t gone as planned, though, as he has just 11 goals and 23 points in 38 games. It’s been a brutal first half for him.

It’s also been a brutal first half for the Blues as they find themselves scrambling to stay out of the league’s cellar. The team making its way to the playoffs seems like a far-fetched idea. What if Tarasenko doesn’t turn his season around in the second half? We’re talking about a guy who had established himself as one of the top wingers in the league over a three-year span and then will have had back-to-back poor seasons on a team that missed the playoffs. What does management do?

It seems unfathomable to trade an elite talent like Tarasenko coming off a bad year (or two) while secured to a very team-friendly contract. Then again, we thought the same thing about Taylor Hall. I’m excited to see what Tank does in the second-half of the 2018-19 season, but more importantly, what his future holds in 2019-20 and beyond. (jan3)

  14. Alex Ovechkin is turning down the opportunity to play in this year’s All Star Game, opting instead to just take the week to rest. With the rules the league put in place years ago, that means Ovechkin will have to miss a game either directly before or directly after the ASG itself.

Given the playoff run last year, his age, and the team’s expectations for another deep run this year, I can’t really blame him. He’s given us some of the best All Star Game moments over the last decade, he’s earned a weekend off. (jan3)

  15. No change in Corey Crawford’s status according to ’Hawks coach Jeremy Colliton. I suppose no chance is better than worsening, but in the leagues where I have Crawford on my roster, I’m operating as if he won’t return this year. This is a scary situation. Let’s just hope he comes out of this ok as a person, let alone return to the ice. (jan3)

  16. David Pastrnak is back on pace for a triple-digit campaign. The 22-year-old is as elite an asset as you can find outside of the Connor McDavid-bin.

Meanwhile, linemate Patrice Bergeron has nine points in seven games since returning from five weeks off. His 1.38 points-per-game are eighth-best in the league. He’s on pace to shatter most of his offensive career-highs. I’ll resume my campaign to get him Hart trophy votes. (jan2)

  17. I thought the Hitch hiring would be great for Oilers’ goalies but that clearly hasn’t been the case for the past three weeks. Whether you decide to sell high on Mikko Koskinen depends on how much faith you have in the Oilers as a team. Given the Oilers’ track record and personnel, I wouldn’t hold out too much hope. (jan6)

  18. Viktor Arvidsson has 12 goals and 18 points in 19 games on the season. He’s just another example of the fourth-year-breakout and gaudy offensive totals this year. Don't sleep on Viktor. (jan2)

  19. Mackenzie Blackwood is getting his chance because the main guy is injured. And he’s off to a hot start. Chalk it up to adrenalin. But unlike with Carter Hart, Blackwood has already been a pro for two seasons. He can make the jump without it being called ‘too soon’. He has a chance.

Keith Kinkaid has been great up until the last month and is not a future starter. He doesn’t seem to be as great with a heavier workload. To me, last year’s 41 games were about the max for him, which is more of a 1B type of guy.

It’s hard to say if Blackwood is any different because his pro career has been thus far been limited to 37 games in a season at most. This was supposed to be the year where they tweak him up to 45 or 50 in Binghamton, and then we would get a clear picture. But with Cory Schneider sidelined for who knows how long, I guess we’ll see if right away if Blackwood can handle it.

I like Blackwood’s situation for the long term because Kinkaid’s contract is up soon and Schneider’s career could take another year or so to get on track (Roberto Luongo recently noted that his type of hip surgery took a couple of years to get everything back to normal). By that time, he’ll have just two years left on his contract and with Blackwood filling in during the interim, perhaps he steals the job by then. (dec30)

  20. I’ll have to admit that I was not buying into a potential bounce-back for Zach Parise. Yet, if you took a flier on him in the later rounds of your draft, you’ve been handsomely rewarded. With a goal and two assists on Saturday, Parise has nine points (4g-5a) and a plus-7 over his last five games, along with a point-per-game pace of 38 points in 39 games.

After declining returns for three consecutive seasons together with numerous injuries, Parise should be considered a candidate for comeback player of the year. He’s on pace for 80 points but I’m thinking that 70 points is more realistic and within reach. That target of 70 points would represent a career high for his time with the Wild. (jan6)

  Have a good week, folks!!

  from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-home/20-fantasy-hockey-thoughts/20-fantasy-hockey-thoughts-57/

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Finland Strikes Gold! Plus thoughts on Tarasenko, Koskinen, Parise, and more

David Rittich returned to the net after a brief injury absence, stopping 32 of 34 shots in the Flames’ 3-2 over the Flyers. You probably know by now that Rittich has been by far the better Flames’ goalie. If the Flames are to continue their stay at the top of the Western Conference, it’s imperative that they play the hot hand instead of the guy with the higher salary in Mike Smith.

In yesterday’s Ramblings I discussed my son’s decision to pick up Nate Schmidt over Ryan Pulock in a single-season ESPN league. I’m going to throw a third defenseman into the mix in Noah Hanifin, who was also available and who I also owned as an injury replacement on one of my other teams at one point. With two assists on Saturday, Hanifin has seven assists over his last six games. In his first season in Calgary, Hanifin is on pace for just over 40 points, which would be a career high. Hanifin seems suitable as a fourth defenseman in single-season leagues.

On a side note, I know that it can take years before we determine the real winner of a trade. But when you factor in Hanifin and Elias Lindholm, can we declare Calgary the early winner of the offseason trade with Carolina? Calgary has Hanifin and Elias Lindholm, who has already established a career high in points in half a season. For Carolina, Dougie Hamilton has struggled mightily (although he scored another goal on Friday night), while Micheal Ferland has cooled off (just one goal since November 21). Carolina also received prospect Adam Fox in the deal, so there’s still time for this deal to be more favorable for the Hurricanes.

*

Just six more days until the Midseason Guide becomes available for download! Inside you’ll find second-half projections, sleepers, advanced stats, historical trends, prospects you need to know, and more. Preorder yours today! 

*

In Friday’s Ramblings I mentioned Jared Spurgeon and his icetime with Matt Dumba out of the lineup. Hopefully you’ve noticed, as Spurgeon is really heating up. With two goals on Saturday, Spurgeon now has three goals and five points over his last two games. Spurgeon hadn’t taken advantage of the situation scoring-wise until those last two games, but he’s been an absolute minute muncher since Dumba’s injury, averaging just over 26 minutes per game since December 18.

I’ll have to admit that I was not buying into a potential bounceback for Zach Parise. Yet if you took a flier on him in the later rounds of your draft, you’ve been handsomely rewarded. With a goal and two assists on Saturday, Parise has nine points (4g-5a) and a plus-7 over his last five games, along with a point-per-game pace of 38 points in 39 games. After declining returns for three consecutive seasons together with numerous injuries, Parise should be considered a candidate for comeback player of the year. He’s on pace for 80 points, but I’m thinking that 70 points is more realistic and within reach. That target of 70 points would actually represent a career high for his time with the Wild.

*

Definitely not the worst possible news for Canucks’ fans and Elias Pettersson owners. The Calder Trophy favorite has been diagnosed with a slight MCL sprain in his knee. This injury typically requires 1-2 weeks of recovery. Brandon Sutter assumed first-unit power-play duties, which is a fairly significant dropoff from Petey. I’m crossing my fingers that he’ll be back by then, as I’ll be going to a Canucks’ game in guess what… two weeks.  

Remember what I said about picking up backup goalies or injury replacements from top teams, no matter their track record? Michael Hutchinson stopped all 28 shots he faced in the Leafs’ 5-0 victory over the Canucks. Frederik Andersen could return as early as Monday against Nashville, so this could be a one-off for the time being. Then again, the Leafs could choose not to rush Andersen back and reward Hutchinson with another start.

Auston Matthews had gone five games without a goal entering Saturday’s game, but he has taken care of that problem. Matthews scored his 20th goal of the season to go with two assists. He wasn’t really cold, as he now has 12 points in his last eight games.

*

He might still be in a timeshare with Jaroslav Halak, but Tuukka Rask has been doing everything he can recently to earn more starts. In stopping 31 of 32 shots in a 2-1 win over Buffalo, Rask has now won three consecutive games. He has allowed just five goals over those wins while posting an impressive .949 SV%.

*

With two goals on Saturday against Montreal, Craig Smith now has a five-game point streak and a three-game goal streak. This might be a result of the injuries that the Predators have encountered, but Smith is now tied for the team goal lead with 14 goals. P.K. Subban assisted on both of Smith’s goals as he was looking to put on a show for the fans in Montreal.

*

A rebound game for Sergei Bobrovsky? A night after being removed midway through the second period against Carolina, Bob stopped 27 of 30 shots in the Jackets’ 4-3 win over Carolina. He now has wins in six of his last eight games.

*

Injury news: Nikolaj Ehlers is expected to be sidelined for one month with an upper-body injury. This means that Kyle Connor is expected to move to the top line with Mark Scheifele and Blake Wheeler, while Jack Roslovic will move up to the second line with Patrik Laine and Bryan Little (NHL.com). Connor has been held without a point in his last 10 games, so this might be what is needed for his production to rebound. Roslovic also has just one point over his last 10 games.

*

Another day, another win for Robin Lehner. That’s seven wins in a row for the Islanders’ goalie, who also has top-drawer goals-against average and save percentage. I’ve written about him in more detail for other days, but I’ll mention that he’s battled some personal issues that probably have something to do with the time he’s missed throughout his career. So it’s great to see him overcome these issues and have a career year. This story on Lehner is a few months old, but you can check it out at The Athletic (subscriber account required).  

Vladimir Tarasenko was back in the Blues’ lineup on Saturday after a one-game absence due to illness. Interestingly, his main even-strength linemates were Tyler Bozak and Zach Sanford, while rookie Robert Thomas was moved up alongside Tarasenko’s usual linemates Brayden Schenn and Jaden Schwartz. Tarasenko recorded an assist late in the game while retaining his spot on the first-unit power play. He entered the game without a point in his last four games and is on pace for just 23 goals and 50 points, which is not what you bargained for.

I recently acquired Tarasenko in an attempt to buy low in a non-keeper league (while consolidating my roster with players coming off IR and IR+, which is a great feature for storing injured players who aren’t placed on real IR). The Blues are having a disaster of a season, which is affecting Tarasenko’s overall scoring totals as well as his plus-minus (-16). But he has still taken 141 shots, which would put him on pace for nearly 300 shots again. He’s a career 11.3% shooter who is currently shooting at 7.8%, so he could experience some better puck luck soon. But there could still be some problems with his surgically repaired shoulder. So acquiring him is a bit of a risk on my part, as there could be another IR stint if there are lingering issues.

I’m also wondering if more time with the Blues’ lone All-Star representative Ryan O’Reilly would help Tarasenko. O’Reilly might be the only bright spot for the Blues this season, leading the team in scoring. Of Tarasenko’s 14 even-strength points, 11 have been with O’Reilly as his center. This season might be a writeoff for the Blues, but it might be worth it for O’Reilly and Tarasenko to get used to each other to help Tarasenko end the season on a high note.

*

After Ken Hitchcock’s hiring had a great immediate effect on the Oilers’ D, the Oilers are back to being the defensively-challenged Oilers. Mikko Koskinen was pulled in the first period after allowing three goals on eight shots… to the offensively-challenged Kings. Cam Talbot stopped 14 of 15 shots in relief, but it was too little too late. The Oils have now lost seven of their past eight games while allowing an average of nearly five goals per game.

Koskinen, who is supposed to be the better goalie this season, has a 4.45 GAA and .869 SV% during that losing stretch (6 GP for Koskinen). I thought the Hitch hiring would be great for Oilers’ goalies, but that clearly hasn’t been the case for the past three weeks. Whether you decide to sell high on Koskinen depends on how much faith you have in the Oilers as a team. Given the Oilers’ track record and personnel, I wouldn’t hold out too much hope.

The Oilers/Kings game was probably one of the least compelling games that I’ve at least glanced at this season. There wasn’t much work for Jonathan Quick, who needed to make only 16 saves to post a shutout. Even though Quick’s value is down this season (the team in front of him has something to do with it), Quick has now posted victories in five of his last seven starts. Quick’s season numbers (2.88 GAA, .902 SV%) are largely disappointing, but his numbers since returning from injury on November 29 (2.47 GAA, .916 SV%) are more encouraging.

*

Lukas Radil is owned in virtually no leagues (zero percent at the time of writing), but he’s been making some noise lately. With a goal on Saturday, Radil has now scored goals in three consecutive games. At 28 years old, he’s hardly what you’d call a prospect. However, he’s been placed on a line with Logan Couture and Timo Meier, which is obviously helping his short-term value. After spending his career in the Czech league and the KHL, Radil has scored eight points in 17 games in his first NHL season. If you’re in a deep league and need short-term help, he doesn’t seem like a bad option.

With three assists on Saturday, Brent Burns has scored multiple points in each of his last four games, totaling 11 points over that span. Burns also fired six shots on goal while amassing 30:45 in icetime (Erik Karlsson wasn’t that far off, with two assists and 29:15 in icetime). If you were thinking that Burns is going to slow down soon, that’s not happening yet, as he’s scoring at over a point-per-game pace.

Nikita Kucherov: no points and a minus-4 on Saturday. The Lightning lost in regulation for the first time in over a month (November 27, to be exact). Can’t win ‘em all.

*

Finally, congratulations to Finland for its victory in the World Junior Championship! Kaapo Kakko’s goal with less than two minutes to play sealed the victory for the Finns. What a finish! Remember his name, not only because it’s great alliteration, but also since he’s the number 2 ranked 2019 draft-eligible player over at Dobber Prospects.  

Kaapo! Kakko! Less than two minutes to go!

3 – 2 #WorldJuniors pic.twitter.com/DHiJ7xjKnN

— TSN (@TSN_Sports) January 6, 2019

*

For more fantasy hockey information, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-finland-strikes-gold-plus-thoughts-on-tarasenko-koskinen-parise-and-more/

[thrashermaxey]

20 Fantasy Hockey Thoughts

Every Sunday, we'll share 20 Fantasy Thoughts from our writers at DobberHockey. These thoughts are curated from the past week's 'Daily Ramblings'.

Writers: Michael Clifford, Ian Gooding, Cam Robinson, and Dobber

  1. It’s been a long road for Robby Fabbri. Injuries limited his 2016-17 season to 51 games and then he missed all last year. He looked ready for the 2018-19 season and then he had this minor groin issue flare up.

That it’s been so long since Fabbri was in the NHL makes it easy to forget how good he was. Though his raw numbers were just 29 goals in 123 regular season games, his goals per 60 minutes at five-on-five was 0.85, tied with names like Alex Galchenyuk, Corey Perry, and Jordan Eberle for the 2015-17 seasons. He also had that great postseason in 2016 where he posted 15 points in 20 games. This was a budding top-line forward before the injuries hit.

The question is what player we get back. Is he going to be the same guy right out of the gate once his conditioning stint is over? Probably not. Can he get there in a couple months? Maybe. There’s a left wing spot next to Ryan O’Reilly with Fabrri’s name written all over it, though. (oct25)

  2. What can I say about Steven Stamkos? I keep opining here that he is a 35- or 40-goal, 65- or 70-point player with the ability to mesh very well with superstars. When he had Martin St. Louis on his line, he was getting 97 points. When he had Nikita Kucherov on his line, he was getting 86 points (last year). We all assumed that he would play with Kucherov again this year but so far it hasn’t really happened. The offense is being spread out with Stamkos playing with Brayden Point and Yanni Gourde, while the Triplets (Kucherov, Ondrej Palat and Tyler Johnson) are reunited. J.T. Miller is playing with fourth-line players and still leading the team (tied) in points. (oct22)

  3. Carey Price picked up a shutout against the Bruins on Saturday, stopping all 33 shots he faced. With his first shutout of the season, Price equaled his shutout total from all last season. So that should give you a hint as to whether he has improved over last season. With a 2.13 GAA and .922 SV%, Price has looked like the Price of old so far. In other words, the kind of goalie that has now won more games than Patrick Roy in a Habs’ uniform.

  4. Watch out for Jaroslav Halak in Boston. The former starting netminder may have eyes for the full-time crease job with the Bruins with his and Tuukka Rask's early-season play. Here's a look at the stats:

Rask: 3-3-0, 3.15 GAA, .902 SV%

Halak: 3-0-2, 1.43 GAA, .945 SV%

Coach Bruce Cassidy proved he wouldn't shy away from cutting into Rask's workload when he ran with Anton Khudobin for stretches last year. Halak could prove to be one of the better waiver wire grabs this season. Or not. Who knows with goalies.

  5. The Bruins are still without Torey Krug and Charlie McAvoy. After careful thought and consideration, I believe Matt Grzelcyk will be paired on the second power-play unit with McAvoy once both Krug and McAvoy return. Until then, he’s only 1 percent owned in Yahoo leagues, so he’ll be available in a lot of deep leagues too. (oct24)

  6. I have to mention Zach Sanford, who scored a goal and two assists for the Blues while playing on a line with Ryan O’Reilly and David Perron on Saturday. After being called up from the AHL two weeks ago, Sanford has racked up six points (3g-3a) with a plus-6 in just five games. If his name is in any way familiar, it’s because he was part of the return for the Blues in the Kevin Shattenkirk trade with Washington. He might be worth taking a flier on in deeper leagues, particularly if this line arrangement continues.

  7. I guess John Tavares is the insurance policy that the Leafs needed. Auston Matthews, who entered Saturday’s game with no points in his last three games, left Saturday’s game with a shoulder injury. Given the player and the team he plays for, you’ll probably be provided with plenty of updates. The shoulder injury was to his left shoulder, not the same one that was injured last season. Mike Babcock has already said that Matthews won’t practice on Sunday and won’t play Monday against Calgary. It sounds like this injury will cost him multiple games, so you’ll want to look for an alternative for next week.

The injury resulted in Nazem Kadri moving up to the top line alongside Patrick Marleau and Kasperi Kapanen. Just as it was thought that Kadri would lose value with the Tavares addition, Kadri should probably gain value as a result of the Matthews injury.

  8. Sebastian Aho extended his season-long point streak to 10 games and 15 points. Aho is driving the bus in Carolina. He’s sporting a Corsi rating of 64 percent in all situations, playing more than 19 minutes a game and rocking a 4.87 points-per-60 output. He’s on a heater, no doubt. But, this is a player capable of sustaining a point-per-game over the long haul.

  9. Los Angeles has been a massive disappointment this year and Ilya Kovalchuk with them. Kovalchuk is on pace for a 41-point season, not that bad for a 35-year old in today’s NHL. Consider that no player aged 35 or older cracked 60 points last year and it gives you a good barometer of what to expect for Kovalchuk. My preseason prediction had him at 58 points, so, he’s got some work to do. (oct26)

  10. There was a huge gap between Anders Lee for Max Pacioretty in their final preseason average draft positions (ADP) – something in the realm of five or six rounds. My personal rankings for standard Yahoo leagues had them a lot closer – something in the realm of about a round and half (player 55 vs player 73). In a lot of ways, at least fantasy-wise, they are similar players. Both are known for goals rather than assists, both had questions coming into this year (no John Tavares vs new team off a down year), and both can put up stout hit totals. I think if we’re talking standard leagues, we’re shuffling deck chairs for the most part. (oct26)

  11. Here’s the thing with Nate Schmidt, who signed a six-year extension with Vegas this past week. For a long time, the analytics community had been clamoring for the Capitals to give him more minutes and he never really got them – his career-high for minutes per game in Washington was his rookie year. As such, we have one year of Schmidt playing top pair minutes (admittedly, with good results) and one year of Schmidt cracking 20 points.

Schmidt is 27 years old and currently serving a 20-game suspension. It feels like a lot of money for a guy with that kind of track record at that age. This contract will render him useless in cap leagues, by the way. If you’re in a dynasty cap league, the time to trade him will be before the All-Star break. (oct26)

  12. After a bit of a slow start, Mika Zibanejad has really heated up. Zibanejad is a high-volume option both in terms of ice time (20:54 ATOI) and shots on goal (tied for 10th with 42 SOG). His 47 points and minus-23 last season pushed him down many fantasy cheatsheet, so it’s easy to overlook the fact that he also had career highs in both goals (27) and shots on goal (212 SOG). This should give you an idea of what to expect from Zibanejad going forward. (oct24)

  13. With the production from Max Lajoie and the superlative play of Thomas Chabot, not to mention good days from Chris Wideman, Cody Ceci may never see the power play. On the other hand, he’s not drafted in fantasy leagues for point production anyway. All this does is limit his upside. As long as the even strength and PK minutes are there, so too will his peripherals. (oct23)

  14. Although he eventually settled down after allowing two first-period goals, Mike Smith again didn’t provide his owners with what they needed on Saturday. Smith has allowed at least three goals in six of his eight starts this season. Although I can’t see him losing the starting job outright, Smith might have to give way to David Rittich (2.37 GAA, .933 SV%) more often than we expected during the preseason. If I owned Smith (which fortunately I don’t right now), I’d keep him on the bench for now.

  15. The Oilers called up Cooper Marody from the AHL, where he had six points in five games to lead Bakersfield in scoring early on. All this is happening, of course, because Ty Rattie is sidelined for “multiple” weeks with a mid-body injury. *Cough*cough* Bochenski. Remember Brandon Bochenski? Led the preseason in scoring with the Senators because he clicked so well with Dany Heatley and Jason Spezza. Then a game or two into the season he suffered an injury that cost him a big chunk of games – maybe 20? Anyway, he returned and couldn’t regain his mojo. The rest, we say, is history – he now dominates the KHL with eight consecutive years of being one of the top scorers there.

Is that Ty Rattie’s fate? Gawd I hope not. I paid to acquire him. What does ‘multi-week’ mean? I will assume three weeks and assume he misses 11 games. (oct22)

  16. Martin Necas was sent to the minors a few days ago and it’s only a matter of time before another highly-touted rookie goes the same route; Casey Mittelstadt has had a miserable time in the NHL so far this year with one point in nine games. This is despite substantial power-play time and having pretty solid linemates (usually Jeff Skinner and Kyle Okposo, but Evan Rodrigues, too). I think both Necas and Mittelstadt could do well with 30 games in the AHL, get back the swagger and then return for a better NHL splash. (oct22)

  17. Why don’t the Rangers try a Legion of Doom line? Kevin Hayes, Chris Kreider and Brett Howden? Each at or over 6-3 and boasting a lot of talent. Just a random thought. A rambling, if you will.

I can’t believe Neal Pionk is second on the Rangers in ice time. He was a healthy scratch last week and now he’s a big minute-muncher. He has six points in eight games now with five of them on the power play. Last year, five of his 14 points were on the power play. In all, he has 20 points in 36 games and is starting to eat away at Kevin Shattenkirk’s power-play time. (oct22)

  18. Ryan Pulock and Brandon Montour. I believe in both players; just play the long game with these two. You can’t give up on your strong hunches in the first 10 games when everything else is lining up properly (steady, high ice time, PP time, etc.). Montour owners are already getting rewarded for their patience. Pulock owners will, too. (oct22)

  19. Despite playing early on with Josh Bailey and Mathew Barzal mostly, Anthony Beauvillier has one point in eight games. At this point, I start looking into acquiring the latter. Perhaps his owner will drop him soon (in limited keepers with lots of transactions), or perhaps his owner is just getting impatient. I think he’ll figure it out eventually, though I wouldn’t give up a ton to get him. (oct22)

  20. Twenty-six-year-old Micheal Ferland is going to surprise us with 60-plus points this year and that is just how Brad Marchand surprised us when he was 27. I don’t think he can take the next step the way Marchand did but while many poolies will be in full ‘sell-high’ mode for Ferland the way they were with Marchand back in 2016, I will be in ‘buy’ mode. He’ll have another gear. I am very confident of this, I just wish I caught the obvious logic sooner. (oct22)

  Have a good week, folks!!

  from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-home/20-fantasy-hockey-thoughts/20-fantasy-hockey-thoughts-47/