#€60 for the pleasure of sitting here like a fucking clown

[queen-mabs-revenge]

got here early and still waiting 40 min i'm going to start biting

[elliyoyo]

Poly!Herbert West/Reader/Dan Cain NSFW Headcanons

Hey guys! So here’s my recent obsession yet again, this time with Dan as well! And the reader is 110% gender neutral! Hope you’re all doing well (and being SAFE) and you enjoy <3

Words: 1.1k because I couldn’t help but ramble

Warnings: Obviously lots of sex, and also some mentions of restraints/being tied down

General

Definitely expect to get more sex from Dan than Herbert, mostly since Dan is pretty much down to clown anytime while Herbert has officially stated that he needs to have a dick appointment scheduled at least a couple days in advance

Don’t get me wrong, he loves having sex with you, but some of his work has to be done promptly before time takes its toll on his cadavers and parts

There’s no real pattern to when you guys have sex, it usually just so happens that when one of you is turned on, at least one of the other two is as well

Although you all doubt you’ll need it, you all have a safe word and safe action for when you get overwhelmed. The only time the action changes is depending on the circumstances. For instance, if you’re tied up, you aren’t really able to knock on anything, so your safe action is snapping. They always go over it at least twice before they start getting too far into the sex

Dan

Dan definitely prefers to have you on the bed, but if you suddenly say something that gets him going or if he sees you in either a more revealing outfit or in just one of his sweaters, he won’t hesitate to take you against the wall or bent over the arm of the couch

He is literally canonically down for round two… and probably three… maybe up to five… just a thought

He loves leaving marks, mostly because it means he gets to have his mouth all over you and memorize every inch of you slowly and lovingly

He’s much more passionate on the regular than Herbert, and he’s the type of boyfriend who instinctively groans out that he loves you as he’s nearing finishing

I think he’s a switch, I’d say he’s about 60% dom and 40% sub because he likes pleasing you, but he also totally doesn’t mind if you’re on top and is generally just going to go with the flow of whatever you would like that time

He’s the best at aftercare, always ready to immediately get you some water, wipe away any remnant of your activities, and make you feel loved after you finish

Every single time he takes you from behind, his neck will be sore for days because of the angle he has to crane it at to make sure he’s kissing your neck, shoulder, cheek, and lips enough for him to be satisfied

He doesn’t mind just listening to you moan and call for him, but he prefers having music playing, just so you guys don’t disturb Herbert (unless you’re trying to get him to come upstairs to join)

Herbert

Herbert, on the other hand, likes to take you in the privacy of the basement, typically with you sitting on or leaning against his work table (or if you let him, he’ll totally tie you down on it… after being cleaned, of course)

One of his personal favorite positions with you is you riding him while he sits back in his chair. He loves being able to watch your expressions and reactions, carefully figuring out which areas make you shiver and tighten around him and which ones you’re a little less comfortable with

He likes for it to be a long enough endeavour that it’s not a quickie, but he has work to get back to, you know

I agree with literally everyone else out there that he has a daddy kink, but I think it’s much more in the sexy-possessive way instead of the full blown DDLG/B way (he couldn’t stand a truly whiny/pouty partner who acts helpless and childish in my opinion)

He wouldn’t want to hurt you (unless he was sure you were 100% into it), but he’s definitely got the ability to be an absolute sadist if you want him to

He would totally be down to give into his darkest fantasies and either tie you down or hold you down by your wrists while he fucks you till you’re overstimulated and in tears and almost unable to move from the pleasure you’re in

But he’d also be fine if you preferred to continue being vanilla with him past the first few times you get intimate with him

He just likes knowing that you trust him enough to have sex, even though it’s not necessarily important to him, he knows it’s extremely important to people who aren’t such dedicated workaholics

Sharing you

If they’re sharing you, they don’t really care where they’re placed, they just want to show you how much they love you and let you do the same to them

However, Dan is a little more sensitive to your tongue swirling around his head, while Herbert likes the feeling of you clenching around him, so they don’t mind keeping in that placement for a few sessions in a row

There is always at least one hand in your hair at all times, whether it’s Dan petting your hair gently and moaning out that you’re doing amazing or Herbert gripping it as tight as you’re comfortable with as he pounds you into the cold metal of his work table

Aftercare with just Dan is amazing, but aftercare with both of them is a dream. Dan is willing to get you anything you need or do anything you’d like and he can get Herbert to join in with helping care for you

When they’re alone together

They typically only find themselves having sex when Herbert is coaxed upstairs for some food or to help Dan out on an assignment

Dan sometimes tempts Herbert upstairs with the promise of shower sex, but it’s really just him making sure that showers are regularly being taken

While they’re in their post-coitus glow, Herbert traces the prominent veins and muscles on Dan’s arms and torso, sometimes focusing on the feeling of his pulse or the rise and fall of his chest as he sleeps. It comforts him, knowing that Dan is there for him and actually alive and real and existing. It baffles him that he has put up with the re-animating antics for so long

Related to the last bullet point— Herbert loves pressing longing, slow kisses to Dan’s pulse points, leaving hickies on days where he wants to prove to himself (or to the public) that Dan is his. Dan also likes leaving hickies on Herbert, but he does it just to embarrass his boyfriend and force him to wear his scarf correctly or god forbid wear a turtleneck

[leaveharmony]

It's sad how you've allowed these white men take over real estate in your heard mortgage free. You used to be really cool before you allowed your bitterness to take over. I've unfollowed you and am probably going to block you because while i respect that you don't have to like any one you constantly shitting on people just because you dislike it is sad and seeing as my life is hard enough I don't need your negativity in my life.

Um...Ok?  And you should?  If my TIDAL WAVE OF NEGATIVITY AND BITTERNESS during the maybe 7 seconds per week I'm forcibly reminded that whoever it is you're talking about exists outweighs whatever it was that caused you to bestow the honour of "really cool" on me in the first place then godspeed, nonners.  Go seek your bliss.I'm not...sure why you feel the need to tell me this tbh, as the tragedy of being Deemed Uncool by an anonymous stranger who's never interacted with me in any way is a comparatively minor one, but if the acknowledgement makes you feel better about it than I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.Farewell, follower number...uh...follower who had a number probably, idk I don't know how many I have.

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All clowning aside though, I genuinely don't understand why someone would send a message like that.  And I had no idea how to respond to it...or if I should.  If they're looking for attention, isn't that just giving them what they want?  But then...if I ignored it, would that make them send more?  Can you block an anon?  I have no idea.  For the terrible crime of vocally disliking certain popular wrestlers in her own space, I've literally seen people spend over a month relentlessly harassing a friend of mine in the most vile and vicious manner, while the person that triggered it all egged them on and laughed about it.

So...I never know what to do.  Probably it wouldn't lead to anything that bad, but how do I know?  If they've been around since I was “really cool” (I'm sorry, that's still funny.  I've never been cool in my life) then they'd know I'm seeing a therapist.  They'd know I have pretty crippling social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, severe depression.  Were they trying to set it off?They did, actually - messages like that always spike my anxiety badly when I see them.  Heartrate went right up, stomach sank.  It isn't the content so much as the intent, you know?  Random message out of nowhere RE hey I think you're awful: what's the point of that?  Why take the time?Is that what they were trying to do?  Somehow...get me to correct my fiendish refusal to *looks at smeared writing on hand* um, tailor my space to their exact specifications?  Did they unfollow me a few days ago and get frustrated when I didn't mention it (or indeed, notice)?  Were they looking for attention?  Validation?  Just acknowledgement?  I don't keep any track of how many followers I get tbh, except to check that new ones aren't porn bots.  How many people are here or why doesn't affect my life in any way.

It's...I don't wanna use the word triggering, necessarily.  But like.  As I say...if they've been here however long, they know I have anxiety.  They know I live in an active abuse situation.  They know I get extremely defensive over my space bc I've got a history of people coming into my spaces both real and virtual and taking things.  My father's sold or given away or thrown out or destroyed my things on more than one occasion, once or twice while I literally sobbed and begged him not to.  That time it was a doll cradle.  I was maybe 6.  He sold it to a lady for five dollars while I cried in the driveway.When I got home from a school trip to New York one day, I came into my room to find he'd been in here and rearranged all my furniture even up to moving the bed from where I had it...and of course, he got furiously angry when I burst into tears.  I couldn't move the bed back, it was too heavy for me and I wasn't strong enough...and he wouldn't do it, so I just sat there sobbing hysterically until he finally came raging back in, shouting abuse and calling me everything under the sun, and moved it back.Imagine coming home exhilarated from a great experience to find out people you were meant to trust had come into your space without your consent or knowledge and reorganized everything in it, then had an explosion of temper because you weren't “grateful” they'd done it.  There's a reason I have a hoarding problem I'm just now trying to address, after decades of being terrified to let anything out of my sight lest it be gone when I go to look for it.  There's a reason I'm protective of my space.

This blog is my space.  I don't know what nonners thought I started it for, but it sure as fuck wasn't for anyone else's pleasure or interest; hell, some nights when I'm really plugging away I can churn out like 60 gif posts in a single sitting, and most of them end up with less than ten notes.  It's not for the attention.  Half of why I have alternate tags for wrestlers is so I'm not constantly clogging their tags w/ my nonsense - and I don't tag my hate at all, on the rare occasion I bother with criticisms.  You're looking at the repository of the hyperfixation I use to keep myself alive.  If other people enjoy it, that's super!  But at its heart, it isn't for other people.  

They wanna know about the white man who has real estate in my head?  It's my abusive piece of shit father, who has all but beaten the ability to express negative emotion at all out of me over a period of decades. 

Compared to him, some coward I don’t know from adam hiding on anon trying to chide me for occasional snarky comments about their faves looks like a pair of nail clippers next to a goddamn threshing machine.