#† and I might be okay but I'm not fine at all ⁞ writing.
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"Pick One Moment"
[Spencer Reid x fem!reader]
Masterlist
Summary: A rough case in Dayton, Ohio brings unexpected emotions to the surface for you, forcing you to confront feelings you'd been hiding for years—feelings for Spencer Reid.
Warnings: Fluff, angst, moment of awkwardness
Word Count: 2.0k words
A/N: just based on the lyric 'And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you...I love you' from the song Something Stupid by Frank Sinatra because it's been stuck in my head. I've been planning to write Spence for a while but I've been intimidated.
Staying professional in Dayton, Ohio proved to be a challenge.
It had been a rough case, but what case wasn't, right? Just have to wrap this one up and you can go back to your house and dog.
Okay, fine, this wasn't like most cases at all, not to you anyway. This one had hit particularly close to home. And you didn't like that one bit.
This made you more short-tempered than usual, even snapping at a witness. After a lengthy lecture from Hotch, I mean from the look on his face you would think you had insulted him, he had 'benched' you by having you go through old files that might be related to the UnSub.
Hey, at least you got to do it with Spencer.
After working with him for so many years, you grew quite fond of him. Too fond maybe.
You stared at him going through files with a speed that should not have been human. 20,000 words at a minute, and you thought you were a fast reader.
"Got anything yet, Boy Genius?" you asked, flipping the page of your own file.
He looked up at you. God those eyes...
"No. This one isn't even related to it." he dropped the file on the table.
"Didn't you read the entire thing?"
"Yes," he replied, "It was interesting."
"You find everything interesting."
"Not true," he protested.
You rubbed your eyes, sighing. "Sure, Spence."
He tilted his head at you, a look of concern on his face. Adorable.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
You considered lying, you had been doing that the entire time you had arrived in Dayton after all, but decided against it. "Not really."
"Is it about your family? I thought this case might bring up some bad memories."
You couldn't help but smile at how quickly he had gotten it. "Yeah, something like that."
"Can I help?"
"Can you make memories go poof?"
He actually seemed to ponder it. "No. I'm not sure why you would want to."
"You never wish that you could just forget the bad stuff?" You knew what he had been through, you had seen quite a bit of it.
His brows furrowed. "I don't like the idea of forgetting anything. I mean, Mom forgets enough so I remember for her too."
You realized your mistake and winced. "Spence... God, sorry."
"It's okay," he reassured you. "You're remembering a dark time in your life, it can be overwhelming. Also explains you snapping at the witness, with your nerves on edge."
"Yeah?" You grinned. "It was going to be Morgan but the asshole left before I could. So collateral damage."
He laughed. "He's outside if you want to insult him now. I don't want to be collateral damage too."
"You? Never."
"Never?"
"Never," you repeated.
Oh, how you loved his lopsided grins. "Thank you."
"Always." If you could pick one moment to live in forever, it probably would've been that one.
Minus JJ coming through the door right then. "We got something."
You wanted to throw a file at her. Instead, you get up with a heavy sigh. The sooner you get this done the better, you had to remember that.
~~~
The BAU was heading back to Washington tomorrow, so you could leave this far far behind. Finally. This case taking up two weeks of your life was enough.
You sat at a cafe next to the hotel where you were staying. It was a cozy little place with a mostly brown interior and warm lighting. The scent of freshly brewed coffee and warm pastries filled the air.
You sipped your drink, feeling the cup's warmth in your hands. You had been coming here for the past few days and you had to admit, you would miss this place.
Just then, the door opened, and in walked someone you recognized, glancing around the room before spotting you. With a smile, Spencer made his way over, pulling out a chair across from you.
"Mind if I join you?" he asked.
You smiled back, gesturing to the seat. "Not at all."
He sat down and looked around. "So this is where you disappear to?"
You hummed in confirmation. "it's a nice place to think."
He stared at you for a while before nodding thoughtfully.
"What?" you sipped your coffee.
"Just... Are you feeling better?"
You shrugged. "Yeah, UnSubs behind bars. What more could I want?"
"Closure," he replied quietly.
You pressed your lips together tightly. "It's fine Spence. I'm alright with it."
"I don't think you are."
"Spencer," you said, a hint of warning in your voice, "You want to help, I get it. But not with this. Okay?"
It was an unspoken thing, the way Spencer always seemed to know when you needed space and when you needed someone to push just a little. He respected your boundaries, but there were moments—like this one—when his concern slipped through the cracks.
He sat across from you in that quiet cafe, watching you. You couldn’t tell if he was waiting for you to speak or if he was just giving you the time to process, as he always did.
It had been a rough case, yes, but that wasn’t why you were still here, staring into your coffee like it held all the answers.
Your eyes flickered up to meet his. He was still staring at you, quietly, as if he could see past your walls.
"Spence," you said, your voice quieter than you intended, "I’m fine. Really."
He didn’t respond immediately. His hand rested on the edge of the table, and you could see him fiddling with his fingers. That subtle nervousness he only ever seemed to show when he wasn’t sure what to say, but he knew he needed to say something.
"I don't believe you," he murmured, his voice soft but insistent. “I’ve seen you too many times to believe that everything’s okay, especially when it’s not. You’ve been holding it in, and I know that—"
"Spencer—" you started, but you were too late. He was already talking over you, his voice getting faster.
"Please. I just want to make sure you're alright, okay?" He sighed, his eyes briefly darting away before looking back at you. “I just... I care about you."
Everything felt very... loud. Too loud.
He looked at you expectantly, almost uncertain. Maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for you to make the first move.
You cleared your throat. God, you really hated moments like this, when everything inside you seemed to tremble at the prospect of just being honest.
His hand shifted on the table, and before you could stop it, you had reached out to touch his fingers. It was the smallest of gestures—barely noticeable—but it was enough.
For a long moment, you simply looked at each other, the conversation hanging in the air. There was so much unspoken between you, so much left unsaid. Maybe that was the problem.
Before you could stop yourself, the words spilled out of you, quicker than you could catch them. "I love you."
Spencer's face went completely still, his eyes wide as he processed your confession.
You had not meant to say that. You didn’t. It was an accident. You weren’t ready. You weren’t ready to put that kind of pressure on this, on him, on whatever this was.
But the words had slipped out anyway. You stared at him, feeling the heat rise in your face, hoping the ground would swallow you up.
"Sorry-God, I'm sorry," you quickly got up and rushed out of the cafe.
He just sits there. Frozen.
If you could pick one moment to rewind, it would be this one.
Oh, you fucked up big time.
~~~
You had never been more ready to get home, but unfortunately, there was an hour and thirty minutes on the private plane. With him.
Usually, you would spend an entire flight, after a case well done, talking to Spence. But after yesterday? But not this time. Maybe not ever.
You could feel Spencer’s presence beside you, but he was quiet. So quiet. Not the usual playful banter, no sudden bursts of random trivia or observations. It was almost like he was giving you space... or maybe he was just too uncomfortable to say anything.
Your eyes flickered to him once, twice, each time hoping for some indication of what he was thinking. He was staring out the window, a far-off look in his eyes, his fingers curled loosely around a book in his lap. For a moment, you almost felt the pull to apologize again, but the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel obligated to comfort you. You had put your foot in it already. Now, it was time to ride this out and pray it didn't become permanently awkward.
But Spencer, as always, was unpredictable.
"You don’t have to apologize," he said, his voice quiet, but it still carried across the cabin, cutting through the engine's hum.
You stiffened, eyes fixed on your lap. Had you been that obvious?
"I wasn’t going to," you said, a little too defensively.
He didn’t respond right away. You could feel him looking at you, the weight of his gaze making you want to curl into yourself.
“You know I care about you, right?” He said it so gently, like he wasn’t sure how you were going to take it.
You felt your chest tighten. Care about you. Those words. He was still speaking, still looking at you, but it was hard to focus on his words because everything was spinning around that one sentence.
"I do," you replied. You had to stop yourself from saying more—there was more you wanted to say, needed to say—but you couldn’t. Not yet. Not until you figured out where your head was at, where you both were at.
Spencer shifted in his seat. He didn’t look hurt, but there was something in the way he held himself. Maybe he was just holding back, afraid to push too hard, afraid of what that push might break.
You finally took a breath and turned to face him. He was still watching you, his expression a mix of concern and... something else. It was the something else that had you questioning everything.
"You don’t have to say anything," you added quickly, "I just...said something stupid. I didn’t mean to make things weird."
Spencer didn’t break his gaze, but a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Not his usual goofy grin, but something softer. More real. Something... intimate.
"It’s not weird," he said, his voice still quiet, "You’re not the only one who gets nervous around here, you know."
You blinked at him, genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"
His smile flickered, a small laugh escaping him before he adjusted his posture and leaned back in his seat. He seemed less tense, more at ease, "I’m just saying... I’ve had my own share of... feelings. I just didn’t know how to... deal with them."
Your breath caught in your throat. Spencer had feelings? For you?
The question hovered between you like an unspoken truth, but it seemed too risky to ask outright. Instead, you glanced down at your hands, the heat rising in your face.
And then, finally, you said something else, the words coming out quieter than you intended: "Do you think... we can just... forget it happened?"
You almost expected him to shrug it off, to offer a playful remark about how awkward it was or how maybe you'd both laugh about it someday. But he didn’t do that.
"No," he said softly. "I think maybe... we should talk about it. When we’re ready."
Your heart fluttered. Was this... was this him telling you he was ready? That maybe he wanted to figure it out too? Or was this Spencer, as usual, just giving you a window to process everything at your own pace?
You weren’t sure. You weren’t sure of anything. But you couldn’t deny the weight of his words, the connection that had always been there and that seemed to grow stronger the more time you spent together.
"I’m not great at talking about feelings," you admitted, looking over at him sheepishly.
Spencer chuckled softly, a breath of amusement. "Yeah, I’ve noticed."
You gave him a sidelong glance, your lips twitching into a reluctant grin. “Smartass.”
"Hey, you started it," he teased, finally breaking the tension just a little. "And I’ll finish it. But not right now. I think... we both need time to think."
You nodded slowly. He was right. You both needed time. The last thing either of you needed was to make rash decisions while emotions were still running high.
"You’re not mad?" You asked it before you could stop yourself, the doubt creeping in.
"Mad? Why would I be mad?" Spencer’s face was open and sincere.
"I don’t know. I just..." You didn’t finish your sentence. What was there to say? How could you explain the mess of emotions you were still trying to sort out?
He reached out across the seat, almost as if he was testing the waters, and placed a hand gently on yours. The touch was brief, but it sent a spark of warmth through you.
"I’m not mad," he said again, more firmly this time. "Not for that."
You were both quiet for the rest of the flight, but the silence between you felt different—more like an understanding, like a promise that when the time was right, you’d figure it out together.
It wasn't the one moment you would pick to stay in forever, but it was a moment you didn't mind being in for the rest of the flight.
#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#dr spencer reid#spencer reid#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fic#criminal minds fandom#bau team#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid criminal minds#doctor spencer reid#spencer reid x self insert
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my mom got so passively aggressively pissy with me for not being able to go to the movies w her tonight because i have two papers so she made plans with a random friend to get dinner which is FINE but also i know she's going to get back & see me watching hockey and make it into a Thing
#zoe.txt#i can both write & watch a hockey game at home#but unfortunately local chain movie theater will not let me bring in my laptop to work on a paper on full screen brightness. yk.#ALSO i was sick the last two weeks (/probably still am sick. whatever)#so i am also actively like. mother i missed assignments.#if i don't do the Big Assignments my grades WILL take a hit that i don't think either of us want to contend with#also i'm literally going to california with her in like ...... a week. aksdhfg. okay also this is all Fine#she might not even be pissed about the hockey i am just anticipating it
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i just went digging thru some tags to see if my fics had ever ended up in reclists i hadn't seen before, for obvious reasons of being full of myself but Also so i could remember what people like about them n get back in touch with my writing brain. there WERE in fact a couple recs i'd never seen before, which were very sweet. my absolute favorite involved someone politely asking "hey, you recced this fic really highly but i don't..... like darius..... does he play a big role here.....?" and the response being "he Technically does, but also. you will like him in this fic."
#i write at an intersection darius haters and lovers can all embrace (loving that fucking wreck of an idiot screwup so much)#this alone has me like yeah okay. i SHOULD buckle down on the next chapter. Fine#i don't actually know if people still read toh fic this far past the ending but. we'll find out#(i'm not gonna finish it today. i might not even work on it today. but i am pondering my orb)#toh#darius deamonne
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that’s it I’m tired o this! I’m gonna put a stop to em once and for all! but first I’m gonna gear you guys up! *dess recived the thorny ice ring* *kara recived the worn dagger and the heart locket* *flowey recived 3 human souls found in asgores basement* lets go!
(Kara) "Hey, nothing beats avoiding lesser problems by getting bigger ones. All right, let's see if we can harm this bastard."
(Dess) "Jesus, this hurts. I had no idea that there was venom in this."
(Kara) "Wait, there is? Do you…"
(Dess) "No, I'm fine. Hey Toriel!!!"
(Toriel) "Yes, Dess?"
(Dess) "I'm going to save the world, so can I skip dinner tonight? I'll buy one with these guys."
(Toriel) "Sure, I'm so glad to see you reunite with your old friend and make two new friends."
Dess starts to walk away
(Toriel) "Where's my hug?"
(Dess) "Now? We are seconds before Clover might harm someone else, so…"
Toriel looked at Dess with eyes that no one could refuse, and then Dess went over and hugged her.
(Toriel) "Don't die. I haven't finished making my pie. She laughs to herself."
Everyone walks out and enters the Omega dimension. They see Clover standing there like they wanted to die. Clover was smiling. Why? What were they planning?
(Clover) "Ah, my friends, my enemies, the people I love as much as I hate. How are you?"
I took a stab just in case they would die, but of course, they didn't.
(Clover) "You think, after killing Zenith Martlet, any normal attacks can hurt me? You need to get creative. Anyway, you're probably wondering about my plan. What if I told you I wasn't evil?"
(Dess) "Spare us your sympathy speech because we don't want to hear it."
(Clover) "You're right, but do you want to know something you would like to hear? I know the reason why Dess came out of your world. Toby told me it was a demo idea, but it still applies to you. Dess started sweating. I'm not going to tell you until it's strategic, but you've got that to look forward to."
(Kara) "Why can't you just die? You are one of the only ones who get lots of power, yet you abuse it."
(Clover) "I'm going to stay low for a while if I lose, but if I win this battle, the world is my oyster. Ah, what a beautiful world without these vermin monsters. You all know you should've stayed underground, but no. You are a bunch of selfish brats. You don't know how good you have it. Well, I'm going to make monsters tortured and killed so bad they'll go back to the only good lives they've had in the Underground."
#undertale#the white soul#kara#dess holiday#deltarune#thehumanofjustice#clover undertale yellow#I'm glad you all seem to like my silly ask-blog#I can sometimes feel like I'm going too far but you all make it better.#Also I might have something terrible happen but I'm not sure if you'll be fine with it.#Are you okay with all kinds of torture? If not I can re-write some things.
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Getting my notes together for AKB has been SUCH a struggle for the past, uh... three? weeks? But I have notes in a digital document and an outline written out, and I am trying so hard to remind myself that that IS INDEED enough to go on. If it comes down to it. I CAN improvise descriptions and stuff. I WILL BE OKAY.
#this has been a post#do i need a loremaster tag?#don't mind me#what's even funny about this is that i used to run my first campaign like this#sketched out outlines and stat blocks literally cut/pasted into a notebook#and i did fine!#i don't HAVE to write blocks of scenery text and dialogue bits#me @ me: TRUST YOURSELF. IT'LL BE OKAY.#i am sad though that i haven't had the energy to do big prep with block text and extensive descriptions of nightmares#but it'll be okay. it'll be okay. i'm forgiving myself. my players might not even notice the difference!#okay enough. bedtime now.#to be deleted maybe#ttrpg catch all tag
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I notice that even though Citron's my fave, I spend more time here talking about Orange and Navel.
I think it's fear of being wrong.
#I can say with upmost confidence that everything I say about Orange and Navel is accurate#that's a joke but I do feel like I can say “whatever I want” and not feel like I'll be horribly wrong about it#I've even discussed with myself why if it turned out Orange and Navel were actually born the same year as Citron it'd still make sense#that's not my fave age breakdown but if someone else or the game said they were I'd be like a'ight that's fine I guess#I don't want to say something wrong/inaccurate about Citron tho because the thing is that no matter where I go I'm the odd one out somehow#and I don't want to know what I think on Citron might be wrong I love him and so I'm extra sensitive there#I even have a whole partial joke post that no one reacted to (okay it's a ship post but he's half the ship so...)#that shows me no one agrees with me so I should keep to myself#also tho Orange and Navel are just easier to come up with headcanons for lol#But like like like when I write Citron he's actually the least independent to himself brother if that makes sense#(I'm not sure it does... it's explained better a couple tags down but I'm not saying he doesn't have his own interests#but rather some of his interests/opinions are somewhat influenced by his brothers & he's like that the most out of the four of them)#I mean I haven't written enough Tangerine to compare him here so he might be more but then again he's very opinionated and sure of things#so who can say yet#(I say as if I've written any of them much at all. Genuinely this might not be an entirely fair comparison but still.)#Citron & his brothers#as for how I write Citron he like like has approximate knowledge & mild interest in certain things bcuz he knows his brothers are into them#which is kinda the reverse of SenriMono huh?#but to me it makes sense for Citron because he doesn't want to be fighting with his brothers he wants to be on good terms with them#so I think in the back of his mind he takes interests in things and has thoughts like: 'maybe I can talk to them about these things one day#or 'if there's a point when we're not fighting I'll ask ____ about ___'#you know?#these tags are too long#sorry for rambling#I legit could've just made a separate post with them#but then I'd be putting my thoughts on Citron on display and that'd be scary so I won't move them#I'm almost certain no one reads my tags anyway#still. sorry to the person who actually does and had to read through all this#idk why you didn't stop but I appreciate you regardless :3#by the way did you know there was a 30 tags tag limit? I just found out lol
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The amount of stuff I have to get done and is uh...rather crushing. Of course every time I get on this same little path it ends up on a week where I’m also working extra hours to cover for time off or have other responsibilities. And this time I have ✨ both ✨ . Like I need to do this test. By test I mean a ridiculous amount of research for BIG THING, and it’s overwhelming and I do have questions (i.e. am I doing whole big thing or am I doing small sample?) but I can’t ask because the time right now is bad for the people to ask. (aka time zones screwing me over) It’s due Friday but I still have 9 hours of work tomorrow and probably 5 more before the mid-day Friday deadline and that’s going to eat up most of my time to work on it. I also just realized for the arts and crafts thing I got the most that need to be completed because I think past me volunteered to do so. (past me did not know it would come back to bite me) But it’s fine because it seems like a lot but research wise it’s not. It’s just making the things. Progress though is at like 1% for the research phase which is BAD. The birthday party on Friday is a potluck and cupcakes were veto’d and lavender cookies were requested so that’s a two day process (they’re in the fridge so day 1 is done but cupcakes would’ve been a 1 day process so I thought I could mark that off the to do list but I can’t yet and that means I’ve got to take away time from the working on the test tomorrow to finish them) I’m working extra hours tomorrow and Friday there is no buffer time after work on Friday because I have to bolt for transportation chaos to get there on time immediately after I get off work. Thankfully the arts and crafts aren’t do on Friday. But I do have to touch base about progress which is...practically nonexistent.
#mumblings#so I'm procrastinating here because I need to somewhere#just to like static shriek I guess#I suppose being busy also distracts a bit from sunday#so we're looking on the bright side#hopefully no more hey don't forget to buy this person a gift to send me spiraling into tears e-mails because I'm too busy to check them#them being e-mails#e-mails that make me loathe every single corporation trying to send me well meaning reminders and coupons#also my to do list in general is massive and that's all other stuff that has to get done but can't get done because of this stuff#okay i've wasted enough time writing this#update: I think I overthought the test#I'm going to talk to them tomorrow#it might be super easy#or I might have to dive into a ton of research#either is really technically fine#it just was very overwhelming to get a test late today that's do Friday when I'm already super busy
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#okay rant time lol. spoilers for 6x18#i think i will have to say that this may have been my least favourite of all 6b episodes#haha ik i should probably give myself time to process the episode but idk i'd rather just write everything out#i just. just yesterday i was complaining about some people treating 911 like it's the buck show and today... it was the buck show?#and like! an episode being extra focused on one character is absolutely fine!! great even!! i really enjoyed 6x11!!#but in the season finale you expect each character to get a more equitable amount of focus right?#and like. even 4x14 which had a significantly less focus on eddie than one might expect had the will scene#and maddie had a bit less focus in that episode too but even she quit her job and it was obvious she was Going Through Stuff#and these slightly restricted screentimes gave jumping off points for their respective very spectacular s5 arcs#but this episode? like it wasn't that it didn't focus on other characters but it was mostly buck#and... idk man it does make sense given that he had the longest running plotlines this season but also#i just wish we had focused more on other characters as well#and like? as for buck? the couch?#i'll be honest i'm disappointed they introduced romance this season for buck at all when the season began with him choosing to be single#i really thought he wouldn't date at all for this one season at least yk?#and yeah ik we live in an amatonormative world but cmooon a guy can have his happy ending without getting together with someone#also bucktalia feels a little odd to me rn especially given the number of false starts they had#if they'd done this exact same storyline but at the beginning of next season i'd probably love it... right now tho i'm very meh over it#as in there is potential but it's like... idk mannnn why do we need him to end up with someone at allllll... i'm too aro for this shit#starting something new this close to the end of the season instead of tying off the two arcs that were already ongoing for him#was certainly a choice#aah well. at least natalia seems good for him. she came back which is the most important thing buck would want in a partner right?#still tho. i really wish we'd gotten to know more about the new henren baby than we did#i wish we'd gotten to see madney discussing plans instead of just the exact moment where they decide they want to marry on the patio#i wish we'd gotten the entire conversation that lead up to chris hyping (or snarking at) eddie to call marisol#i wish we'd gotten bathena hurriedly packing for their trip and may making fun of them as she helps#i just wish we'd gotten more of others!!#oh well. at least we still got chimney time and captain hen and cheddie working together and hen and eddie leaning on each other#you win some you lose some i guess#anyways if you actually read all the way til down here thank you for your time hehe
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good morning i am just very slightly worried about prom <3
#🌙.rambles#no classes today 🥺 gna do my hw for next week tho n then. yes.#I'M WORRIED THOUGH YEAH BCS. hfdsksdjf most of the other ppl r friends or r in the same class#kinda worried i might not enjoy as much bcs. who knows if i'll be able to talk properly or if i might just get nervous instead#n maybe at one point i cld go to one of my other friends too but she's going w a guy n i don't want to intrude ig#n she has her other friends too. my friend at our table yeah has other friends too#i'm worried i might just. not enjoy at all bcs of anxiety or maybe i'll just feel lonely or smth hdkfajsdlf nothing i can do abt that thoug#maybe when i'm anxious i'll just cope by dissociating n just thinking of noctis or claude or smth 😭😭 or artem n write a story in my head#n i'll go out of my comfort zone n use up all my social energy#recently they just announced in our batch gc that we can have yk same couples. wasn't in the ltp or smth tho 🥹#wish i had at least another friend or smth. so maybe it wld've been possible to bring one of my friends from another school ^^#platonically bcs she's like. bi. 🫣 i'm still rather amused at how she. mentioned she was bi when like#i had my arm around her shoulder n she said smth along the lines that it was kinda weird for her bcs she wasn't used to it?? IDK 😭😭#didn't quite catch the rest of her words but sorry girl i'm just naturally affectionate w my friends#n idk why but if you're like. biologically female or actually even just like. yk your gender is female n you identify along those lines#i'm just automatically more comfy w you n physically affectionate.#nyways she told me she doesn't have prom tho when we were talking abt sch we were like talking abt school events n :<<#hmm. yk it's not like i need. someone for prom like. yk i just need myself. but i guess it's a bit of a childish old wish of mine#that said though i'm fine just still rather worried bcs in social situations i just. end up feeling rlly lonely haha#like i was doing well i rmb friday of the fair but then i was bottling my emotions n pretending i was completely okay 👍#definitely wasn't crying when everyone was away <3 n then my anxiety just. god i don't want to think about it#until the end i was just. hanging on to a piece of thread. sorry you saw me cry a bit. sorry i lied that i was fine#sorry i let myself. go through that. twin n friend laying their heads on my shoulder as they were falling asleep n i was just. crying#n then later that night i just ended up crying even more. painful memories.#just have to accept that my social energy's just shit n ppl will always have another that they'd prefer talking with.#i have. apollo at least yh? n i guess to each person i mean at least. something. i think#sorry i'm not usually like this but it's just. smth i just can't help but be anxious about. one of my biggest insecurities#i'm so used to being alone though i've realized. last year wasn't real goddamn. n. 2020 was.. i don't know#ah i'll be productive now. i. move forward from the past n i never forget in a way that it. helps spur me onwards but#sometimes the past haunts me. sometimes is.. perhaps a big understatement bcs i think too much but. uh. yh that's enough i'm fine.
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Congratulations everyone, we made it! It is currently Tomorrow. Make a note: 16:07 BST, Saturday 26th October 2024. But blink and you'll miss it and it will just be a regular old Today again. 💜💚🩷
she checks the floor vents every day to see if the furnace is on yet and today was the day :)
#she needed a hero so that's what she became#prophet turned Oracle i guess#ask me no questions and i'll tell you no lies and no truths#i think i'm about 1/8th selkie on my mother's side#there's probably some banshee in there too but that might be from Nana's dad#if you know about magic could you please reach out because P_F taught me boundaries but i don't know much else#aside from please and thank you and insha'Allah which are really more good manners than magic as far as I'm concerned#I'm not Jewish or Muslim or Hindu that I'm aware of but i might be a little bit of everything else#...wait cows are sacred to Hindus so maybe they already knew about Táin Bó Chulainge#as Meredith Brooks puts it so well: I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one#as St. Paul wrote about Jesus:#“[Jesus] has made the two into one and broken down the barrier which used to keep them apart#actually destroying in his own person the hostility cause by the rules and decrees of the Law“#Paul and i don't agree on everything but that's okay because I'm Catholic before I'm Christian#i have taken pity on the church and set myself to teach them at some length#unfortunately as part of the process i am also being detained under section 2 of the mental health act#hope springs eternal balders#if i'm Doña Quixote where is my Sancho Panza?#don't point to my family members they have each paid for their own salvation many times over#you want to learn from me you're going to need to put in the effort of writing and thinking and asking#you don't want to learn from me that's fine#i have hobbies to pursue because I'm done cleaning up after the other grown-ups#only children don't have to clean up their own messes#but only slaves have to clean up everyone's
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trying to avoid telling my roommate that I think the reason I feel bad on the weekends is bc I get rly lonely but I don't want to make her feel guilty for not having the social battery to hang out. or the interest in spending time w me beyond small talking in the kitchen when necessary 👍
#ughhhhh. whatever at least next weekend ill have recovered so i can just go climbing w my gym friends#and hopefully when our other friend moves here he'll wanna hang out too on weekends sometimes. altho idk I think he might be a bit of a#solitary creature too...#but thats fine it doesnt have to be all the time. and also when we used to live together we happily spent time in the same room without#needing to talk which still fulfils some of my social needs... I just like company I'm like a shoaling fish + my roomie is idk. a hamster#or im like a puppydog... is it so bad to want attentioooonnnn 😭#I KNOW ITS NOT. but always being around ppl who dont seem to have that same need at all makes me so self conscious abt it#its okay tho I have climbing tmr and weds and a gig on tues and maybe a dinner out on friday n lunch w a friend on sat we'll see#I just know that when our friend moves here shes gonna suddenly become so much more social bc she likes him more than me. which is fine#mentally preparing for the potential rsd in advance so I won't be a dick abt it or hurt myself. ik I don't have their warriors bond#but it'd be nice to have that kind of connection with someone. but alas. but ik it takes time im just IMPATIENT! and LONELY!#but its okay I'm tired of sitting around feeling bad abt it im gonna write this letter and change my sheets and do my ironing#the busier I stay the better. okay ttyl byeeee#.diaries
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#† addicted to betrayal - but you're relevant ⁞ visage.#† flexing like a goddamn acrobat ⁞ musings.#† phone lights up my nightstand in the black ⁞ texts.#† could end in burning flames or paradise ⁞ playlist.#† and I might be okay but I'm not fine at all ⁞ writing.#† lately I've been dressing for revenge ⁞ memes.#† you're not my homeland anymore ⁞ ooc.#† so i'll say words i don't believe ⁞ private.
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status update: 15 days until the final draft of my thesis is due to be submitted to my supervisor.
22 days until my committee is getting it.
How much of my thesis is written you ask? About 1/2 of the methods section, by far the easiest section to write. I haven't even finished analysing my results yet.
And I'm working 3 days this week so can't even really spend the weekend catching up :)))
#honestly it's still fine#like i can get the introduction done in a day or two i've done that before i know what i need to write#the results section won't take long to write at all either once i have all the results. i just need to do some R stuff#there's more stuff i could (should) do but i don't think it's strictly necessary if i'm aiming at barely passing this#i'm jusr like... sigh#so fucking tired of this shit#i dont even want the degree. having it might make it more difficult for me to get the jobs i want if anything#ugh#like i know it's not a major life problem. i live in an okay cheap apartment and have a job that i don't hate that pays well enough and shi#it's just. ugh. i was really looking forward to doing my thesis - my undergrad thesis was so much fun!#but this project is just like... 90% data analysis or something. not a fan at all#can't wait for it to be over but i also have zero motivation to work on it#herr's personal tag
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Comics Read in 2024:
Kaze to Ki no Uta Vol. 1 by Keiko Takemiya (1977)
I'm the Queen in This Life by Lefalzimp (2020)
Bongchon Bride by Gaepi Sohn (2019)
Marry My Husband Vol. 1 by Sung Sojak & Studio Lico (2023)
Marry My Husband Vol. 2 by Sung Sojak & Studio Lico (2023)
Marry My Husband Vol. 3 by Sung Sojak & Studio Lico (2024)
The King's Beast Vol. 1 by Rei Toma (2019)
The King's Beast Vol. 2 by Rei Toma (2019)
The King's Beast Vol. 3 by Rei Toma (2020)
[ID: Covers of the aforementioned books. End ID.]
#2024media#gigi.txt#kaze to ki no uta is......... kaze to ki no uta. volume 1 does not make me cry but it will make me bawl like a baby rip#it's A Lot but by god is it pretty#i'm the queen in this life was a solid read and i enjoyed it but now that i stare at it i'm like. wait.#which of the many many of this genre was this....... like i enjoyed it but it didn't hardhit or anything#marry my husband was the first 'redo my life' story i've read that was set in the modern day. which was a GREAT change tbh!#it did have one of those makeover scenes which imo made her look less pretty and the characters are either Good TM or Bad TM with no nuance#like its INSANE how black and white it is but it's overall fine#theres a drama based on it apparently and i might watch that for practice. will finish manhwa first tho#the king's beast................... oh boy. oof. okay so it takes place in a world with like this beast-features race#that are oppressed and basically slaves and etc. and the plot was a gender bender plot that grips me at first#and then it went............ so so so badly downhill. like yeah there were issues before including premise but#stuff that could b dealt with. this......... was not that. anyway the first three volumes sucked me IN and were very GOOD#and do not read them!!!!!!! or you will face disappointment!!!#EDIT: I FORGOT TO WRITE A BONGCHON BRIDE REVIEW i absolutely adored it. holy shit. incest and rape tw (not from main couple)#but oh my goddddd did i love it i read it all in like. basically one sitting. 10/10 fave BL of the year prob
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𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑, 𝐈 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 .ᐟ
them forgetting a date night.
starring. gojo, sukuna, toji x fem! reader
heads up. cursing, no fluff, sukuna can use a phone (bcs u taught him lol /j), sukuna calling u "woman"
note. haiii, how are you guys doing? make sure to take care of yourself!! i'm feeling a bit angsty today, so i'm gonna write a bit of angst. i miss gojo, like so much u guys :( i might make a part two for this btw hehe
──────〃★ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔
the one thing you hated more than people being late was people who don't keep their promises — your boyfriend wasn't an exception to it. gojo's a busy man, you get it. for months you haven't been able to see him because he was so caught up in the jujutsu world; he saves people dan and night from lingering curses that it broke you a bit.
the jujutsu world treats him like a weapon; and you never liked it. despite your constant battering on him, trying to get him to quit and just settled in for a quiet life, he tells you that he can't. that people needed him, and you felt selfish.
but isn't it fine to be selfish sometimes?
clutching onto your phone, you'd tried dialing gojo's number at least six times before he answers. his voice groggy and slow, as if he had just woken up from a deep sleep, "huh . . . hello?"
you wanted to yell at him, especially because he was the one who has been reminding you about this particular date night — and he was the one to forget about it, "good sleep?" you ended up asking him, voice hard.
"y/n . . . why did you—"
"why did i call? oh, i don't know. maybe because my boyfriend stood me up for an hour and a half. i look like an idiot sitting here, satoru," you mutter out in embarrassment, avoiding the lingering gazes from both waiters and waitresses around you.
for the past hour, you've lost count of how many times you'd ask them to refill your glass of tea — embarrassing. then telling them you were waiting for someone when they tried to ask you if you were going to order anything since there were people waiting for a table, just for the said person not showing up.
"what time is— oh, fuck. baby, i'm so sorry, i fell asleep when i was work—"
before he could finish his words, you finished it for him, "working. i get it, you're always working. clearly, you don't have time for anything else, right?" you ask him, signaling the waiter nearby for the bill.
"baby, i know. i'm so sorry, i'm on my way, okay? please," he whispers. you could hear a few shuffling on the background; along with a few curses he muttered under his breath as he stumble over his feet, mind hazy from all the sudden movements he was doing despite just waking up.
"no need. i'm leaving the place," you mutter, walking out of the restaurant — heels clacking on the pavement, "and 'm leaving you, because clearly you're not ready for a relationship, so bye."
gojo yells out, "what? no, baby. i swear — i'll make it up to you, please. don't leave me . . ." he rambled on the same words over and over again, "where are you? i'm picking you up. please, can we talk about this? i'm sorry, i know i should've—"
"bye, satoru," and with that you ended the call.
──────〃★ 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀 𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍
you fiddled the hem of your dress as you sat inside the almost closed restaurant, the last speck of hope you had on your boyfriend —sukuna— dissipating into hopelessness. standing up you walked over to the cashier, taking out your card to pay for the one glass of shrimp cocktail and one glass of white wine.
the cashier shot you a sympathetic look, and you didn't dare to look her into her eyes. face hard from embarrassment and shame, "thank you for coming, come again next time, ma'am . . ." she bids you goodbye as she returns your card.
walking out of the restaurant that now had the 'closed' sign flipped made your stomach churn in mixed feelings: anger, embarrassment, shame, sadness, everything all at once.
sinking your nails onto the palm of your hand, you muttered out strings of curses. you knew being in a relationship with someone who had no understanding to the concept of love was a hard thing — but honestly, you thought you got a hang of it. all this time you had been nothing but patient with sukuna, but maybe even that wasn't enough for him.
three hours. you sat alone inside the restaurant you booked for the both of you for three hours — each hour depleting your hope even more. and sukuna just managed to fuck it up even after he said he'd try. well, you should've underlined the keyword there: he said he'd try not that he'd come.
maybe you saw it coming yet it still disappointed you anyways.
your phone rang. even before you see who it was — you knew it's none other than sukuna. your heart screamed at you to answer his phone call, but your mind told you to leave it ringing because you were in no mood to talk to him. yet, at the end — you still pressed the answer button.
"what?"
"where are you?" his rough voice echoed through the line as you walked down the nearly empty street, holding onto your purse, "place's closed."
scoffing, you answered, "'f course it's closed, it's almost ten. i've been waiting for three hours, ryo. three hours."
you could hear him inhale sharply, "i was caught up with something, woman. where are you now?" he questioned. hearing a few car honking behind on the background, "where are you? answer me."
"doesn't matter, i left. and i'm leaving you, i was wrong thinking maybe i could've changed you — turns out, i couldn't. good luck to you," you mutter out sternly.
sukuna raised a brow, "y're kidding."
you weren't, and all he could hear next was the loud dial tune of the other line hanging up — now did he realize that this was all serious and you were actually leaving him for good.
──────〃★ 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎
you sighed, dialing toji for the first time of the night when he said that he was going to pick you up for a date, the phone rung for a while before going into voicemail. grumbling under your breath, you tried dialing him again for the second time, which ended up the same way.
all these time spent on makeup and picking out the best outfit — all for nothing as your boyfriend, toji failed to show up on time. angry, you tried calling him again for the third time, only for it to end up in voicemail yet again. this time you decided to leave a message for him.
"hey, you forgot. didn't you? hope you're happy with yourself, cause 'm not."
dating toji wasn't the easiest — but you love him, no matter what he was like. and it was stupid of you to do so, all this time you've defended his name against your friends' malice towards him, saying how he wasn't treating you well enough and that you deserved so much better.
despite all that, you love him. disregarding their words, retorting back to how toji treats you well, which he does — except for the times he tended to forget about everything, even you. maybe it was time to open your eyes and actually break up; because you did deserve better than this.
it would be a shame to let all this makeup go to waste, and so you hailed a cab and decided to go out for a treat. and made the best out of everything, that is until toji decided it would be the most convenient time to call you back amidst your little "me time".
wiping your hand on the napkin, you answered him, "huh, you're alive," you muttered out, huffing.
he sighs, "i forgot, sorry." you couldn't see him, but toji actually looked remorseful, already on his way out of his apartment to yours, "i'm on my way."
you chuckled, "doesn't matter. i left my house," you informed, taking a bite out of the crab meat, "so don't bother coming — and i don't think i don't deserve this kind of treatment from anyone, even you, toji. i'm breaking up with you because clearly you don't take this relationship as seriously as i am."
toji furrowed his brows, "i forgot, i fucked up, i can make it up. where are you right now?" he asks, his voice still as calm as cucumber. but the look on his face contradicted the tone of his voice.
"bye, toji. good luck."
© shoyudon 2024 . no copying or reposting allowed !
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk angst#jujutsu kaisen angst#gojo satoru#gojo#gojo satoru x reader#gojo angst#gojo satoru angst#sukuna ryomen#sukuna#sukuna ryomen x reader#sukuna angst#sukuna ryomen angst#toji fushiguro#toji#toji fushiguro x reader#toji angst#toji fushiguro angst#gojo satoru x female reader#sukuna ryomen x female reader#toji fushiguro x female reader
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✎ daddy-to-be
- gojo satoru x reader
in which you're worried about how he'd react to you carrying his baby
genre: fluff and comfort, mentions of pregnancy and dizzy spells
note: i feel soooo warm writing this *sigh* thank u anon who asked this!
a part of gojo's love entries
general masterlist
"Gojo-sensei! Must we do this?"
"For real?!"
"Okaka..."
"Yoohoo! Hehehehe~"
You sighed at the sight of your tall paintbrush of a husband. Satoru was supposedly teaching his first years—Maki, Panda and Inumaki—and yet, from where you were standing, it looked more like he was bullying them into following his whims more than anything.
A kind reminder that… this silly man is the father of your unborn child.
He didn't know that you were pregnant yet, because you had discovered it just a few days ago and chosen to keep it a secret for the time being.
In theory, this was normal. You two were married and engaged in a high level of sexual activity—something Satoru made sure of—and therefore, conceiving a child was bound to happen sooner or later.
Admittedly, accepting the fact that you were carrying his baby wasn't as easy as you thought, even knowing that. You hadn't seriously talked about having kids, and sure, your husband might have just taken a young cursed boy Yuta into his care—and way before that, Megumi, but it wasn't the same with your own child. It can't be the same.
And not to mention that you two were jujutsu sorcerers. Where would raising a baby fit in this bloody, cursed world you lived in?
...and above all, as things stand now, does Satoru even want a baby?
You released another sigh as you walked away, but then your vision tipped and you had to grab the wall for support. Right, you hadn't even been feeling well these past few days. You got queasy easily, and you experienced sporadic bouts of vertigo too.
"Sensei?" Yuta's worried voice greeted you, and you forced yourself to remain upright. "Are you okay?"
"Ah, yes, I'm fine," you assured him with a smile.
"Should I get Gojo-sensei? You seem pale..."
"No, no, that's—"
"Ooh~ Wifey!"
You cursed his impeccable timing as the striking white hair of your husband came to view. A mischievous grin adorned his face, a bundle of sunshine and trouble as always, as he wrapped an arm around you.
"Don't you have to teach the second years? My pretty wife, you can't be slacking—"
His smile abruptly fell when you subconsciously leaned on him and he noticed your shallow breaths. Satoru promptly tightened his grip on you.
"Yuta," his tone had taken a sharper turn. "Go to the training grounds and train with the others. Class ends after that."
As Yuta nodded and proceeded on his way, he immediately turned to face you. "What's wrong?" he asked with genuine concern. "Are you not feeling well? Can you walk?"
"I'm fine," you insisted, even though the edges of your vision started to blur.
Satoru pursed his lips, and you could tell even with his blindfold on, he was staring at you hard. "Don't be stubborn. Come on, let's get you home."
In an instant, he teleported you back to your shared home, his arms securely under your knees. You didn't know when the dizziness started to ramp up, but you were sure to fall if he didn't have a secure grip on you.
"How long have you been feeling unwell?" he inquired as he carefully lowered you onto your bed.
Realizing there was no point in hiding it any longer, you squeezed your eyes shut as your head rested on the soft pillow. "...since this morning."
Satoru expressed his dissatisfaction with a grunt. "In that case, you shouldn't have gone to school. From now on, you're on leave."
He fussed over you—removing your shoes, fine-tuning the air conditioner, and ensuring you were snug in bed. "What is causing you to feel this bad? Is it something you ate? We had dinner together, and I feel perfectly fine..."
You raised your gaze to him just as he tore off his blindfold, his eyes locking with yours. The blue of his eyes scrutinizing and assessing you, and suddenly, you felt insecure as he quirked an eyebrow, seemingly suspecting something. “Is there something you aren't telling me?”
This is it. You couldn't keep this from him any longer. This was his child as much as yours, he had to know for you to be able to decide on the next steps.
You exhaled. "I'm… pregnant."
Silence. For the next five seconds, you could've sworn that Satoru held his own breath.
"Pregnant?" he repeated, stunned, widened cerulean marbles blinking several times. "You...?"
You sat up, reaching for your nightstand and retrieving the five pregnancy tests you had stashed in the drawer, handing them to him.
Satoru fixed his gaze onto the two red lines on the sticks, examining them and then shifting his eyes between you and them several times. You didn't dare to look at him, feeling your hands starting to shake and your gut twisting.
But contrary to your dread, before you could blink, he pulled you into his embrace. Your heart melted as he softly murmured, "Dummy, why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I... I was worried. I didn't think I..."
He nuzzled into your neck, breathing in deeply. "Silly... I'm supposed to be your safe space. You can and absolutely should tell me these kind of things..."
A lingering fear persisted in your gut as you croaked out, "Are you... okay with it?"
Satoru snapped his head so quickly, his brow furrowed. "What do you mean—of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?"
You didn't know why, but his impromptu and steadfast declaration brought tears to your eyes.
"Stupid," he chided, his voice tinged with slight giddiness and overflowing fondness, and doubled with the wide grin on his face, you were starstruck. Holding your hand, he pressed a tender kiss on your knuckles, and then on the wedding band resting on your ring finger.
His sincere, warm eyes spoke volumes as he said, "You are my beautiful, lovely, and amazing wife. And now you're about to make me a daddy. Why wouldn't I be thrilled about that?"
You had given him love that saved him in countless ways, some of which you might not even realize. And now, you were about to gift him another piece of you to love—his own family to cherish. Satoru was convinced he couldn't love you more than he did in this moment.
You cried even harder, wiping your face sloppily as you pouted at him, voice clogged with tears, a mixture of relief and happiness overwhelming you. "Why are you so s-sweet? You're u-usually... such a menace..."
"Hey! That's slander! I'm always nice to you!" he protested with a mock frown, trying to lighten the mood.
Satoru brought you into his arms again, affectionately stroking your hair. His excitement was palpable as he chuckled gleefully at the very idea of becoming a father to a mini-him or you in a not-so-distant future.
With that sentiment in mind, he genuinely meant every word of what he softly uttered in your ear:
"I love you, sweetheart. And mark my words—with everything I have, I won't let anything happen to you or our baby… I swear it."
#𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠#gojo satoru x reader#jjk drabbles#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jjk imagines#jjk x you#gojo x reader#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru#satoru gojo x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#gojo x you#gojo#gojo fluff#gojo satoru imagines#jjk fluff#gojo satoru fluff#dad!gojo#satoru gojo fluff#jjk gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jutusu kaisen x reader#satoru x reader#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo
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