#“we'll never ever be apart” *ugly crying*

[killeray]

The lyrics hit so hard for Kentin/Lysander/Armin routes, and would have been such a cruel irony if we didn't get Alternate Life

[rewh0re]

SLEEPING ON THE COUCH AFTER AN ARGUMENT

Ft.: Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji

Angst but with fluff at the end. Just my boys kuroo and Akaashi and sleeping on the couch after an argument. Reblogs + interactions are highly appreciated!!

༊ KUROO

Kuroo cannot sleep. It's nearly 3 in the morning and he's twisting and turning on the bed for about an hour now, unable to fall asleep. The other side of his bed seems unnaturally cold and empty due to your lack of presence. You both had gotten into an argument about 2 hours prior. You had tried to convey your thoughts across to him about how worried you were that he was overworking himself and in his state of tiredness he was definitely not in the mood for your nagging. He took out his annoyance on you which resulted in some back and forth yelling before you decided to give him some space and sleep on the couch. But it had been hours and however much he denied it, Kuroo could not sleep without you. So, deciding to swallow his stupid pride he went out to the living room just to find your shivering self on the couch. You had a thin blanket on and it was a cold night.

"I know you're not sleeping," he whispered as he knelt by the couch to look at you.

What he saw broke him, there were dried tears on your face. He always fell apart when he saw you cry.

"Look I'm really sorry for what I said. Half of those things, I didn't mean them and neither should I have uttered them in the first place. It has happened now and as much as I wish I could change it, I can't. So, I'm asking you to forgive me y/n. I'm really really sorry. I love you so much ," he stroked your cheek and you could not pretend anymore. You slowly opened your eyes to look at him.

"You do?" You asked silently.

"More than you could ever know, love. You're the best thing that's happened to me. You're not nagging when you worry about me. I'm sorry for saying that. I was annoyed and irritated and tired and I took it out on you like a fool. I've said hurtful things and I feel terrible for it. Forgive me please," he looked at you with so much love and adoration as he asked for forgiveness that you broke again. You sniffled a little before cracking a small smile.

"I've said some hurtful things as well. Things I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry," you whispered to him.

"It's okay. Come back to bed now love. Tomorrow, I'm taking the day off and we'll do whatever you want to do. Sounds good?" He smiled at you, stretching his hand towards you for you to take it.

"Sounds perfect," you smiled as you took his hand in yours.

༊ AKAASHI

Arguments with Akaashi were rare. Most of the time, you both would talk things out and solve the problem rationally rather than lashing out. You both tried to be logical and tried to communicate no matter how tired or angry you both were. But sometimes however, that was just not the case. Sometimes, things got out of hand, anger overpowered your more rational sides and things got ugly. Tonight just happened to be one of those nights. Honestly, you don't even know how the argument started. You just knew that both of you were exhausted from work and on top of that things had been rough in your personal life lately. These reasons probably got to you and an argument took place. You both had verbally hurt each other to the extent that Akaashi decided to sleep on the couch, unable to fight anymore. He left you in the bedroom alone and fuming. But the moment he picked up a blanket and went to the couch, regret immediately filled you up. You ran after him to the living room where he laid on the couch. God, he didn't even have a pillow under his head, his neck would hurt like crazy in the morning.

"Keiji," you called out his name and as you expected, there was no answer from him.

"Keiji I'm sorry," you sat at the end of the couch where his feet were propped up on the hand rest.

"I let my anger and frustration take over me and said some pretty shitty things. I'm sorry I really did not mean them. I would never," at that, he looked up at you to see your eyes getting teary as a frown took over your face.

"Don't cry y/n," he sat up and brought himself closer to you.

"I don't know what took over me. I'm so sorry. I always try to be calmer and more thoughtful while speaking but today I don't know. Work has been stressful and I probably took that out on you. Something I shouldn't have done and something I highly regret," you took his hand as you looked at him.

"I said some pretty awful stuff to you too, you know. You're not entirely at fault here. I'm sorry. Next time, I'll try to be more thoughtful and I'll definitely not yell at you again," he gave you a small smile as he opened his arms for you to hug him. You gladly did.

"Me too. Come to bed now. You didn't even bring a pillow with you. Do you want your neck to hurt?" He laughed a little at that.

"Always thinking about me aren't you," he hugged you tighter.

"Mhm. Keiji?" You started as you broke the hug to look at him. "We're okay right?"

"We will be, love."

[femdomlieeh]

Notebook of a fool ✧ Xiaojun

BFF!Xiaojun ✧ Crush!Fem!Reader

WC—3.8 ✧ k

WARNING—anxiety ✧ heartbreak ✧ crying ✧ pet names

THEMES—sfw ✧ light angst ✧ future fluff (?) ✧ best friend au ✧ crush au

NOW PLAYING—OTT ✧ IVE

A/N. 누나 (nuna) = older sister

psst! Next update is a Beomgyu smut… probably my fav smut I’ve ever written

M.LISTS—wayv ✧ latest updates ✧ read on wp

All rights reserved © femdomlieeh

✧ ੈ ✧ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✧ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊* ✧ ੈ ✧

Today was one of those bad fucking days. One of those days when you can't find any positivity in anything. One of those days when you don't feel like talking to the people you love the most. One of those days when you just want to give up.

The first thing you saw in the morning was a notification of a text from your boyfriend. Looking at the white speech bubble is something you usually look forward to when you see Wonwoo's name bright up your screen, knowing he always has something entertaining to tell.

But this particular morning he said something you wish were a joke.

Wonwoo Boo💞

[ive been thinking lately and _____ i think we need a break]

Mommy🤠💦

[You're not going to tell me why?]

Seen 10:17

You asked him the first thing that came to your mind. He couldn't possibly just expect you to be OK with having a break without a reason, right?

After an hour you accepted the fact that he had left you on read and that he wasn't going to reply anytime soon.

Maybe it was because he called you _____.

He never called you by your name. Only your friends called you that. He was supposed to call you weird or cheesy pet names and nothing else! 

He left you with a headache. He left you with your bad thoughts and theories. Damn you, Wonwoo.

It was very human-like of you to be in a bad mood. Only a robot would feel nothing in this situation. The day wouldn't get any worse. You were going to make sure of it! Your mood may have been bad, but you weren't going to let anyone else get affected by it. Lashing out on innocent people because you don't feel good on the inside is something you hated doing.

Today you were going to hang out with your best friend, Xiaojun, have a picnic on a park next to the Han river. Xiaojun had packed a cute pink basket (that he had specifically bought for you two to use for picnics together since they happened at least thrice a month) which was filled with kimchi kimbap, green grapes, two clementines and some churro flavored chips and you had packed a large outdoor blanket so Xiaojun wouldn't have too much to carry. For almost a week you two hadn't met up and you both missed each other and wanted to make up for the days you had spent apart so of course you went for the nice, typical not-romantic-at-all picnic hang out session.

But no.

You weren't going to meet Xiaojun and ruin his parade with the rain cloud that was following you around wherever you went since you opened your eyes this dark morning. No, you weren't going to let the first time you two meet in such a long time be ruined by the sad news you got this ugly morning.

누나 🥰

[I can't hang out today, sorry]

Prince Junnie🦄

[why not?☹️]

누나 🥰

[I'm not feeling too well]

Prince Junnie🦄

[it's ok i'll make u some delicious soup😊]

누나 🥰

[No, you don't need to, I don't want you to get sick!]

Prince Junnie🦄

[but ive missed u sm☹️]

누나 🥰

[We'll meet another day I promise to make up for this!]

And so you put the phone gently on the table to lay on the sofa and binge watch some random show. You made sure to turn your phone off first since you knew you'd cut Wonwoo some slack in case you read any persuasive text from him — he's good with words and making you feel loved. Whilst you were looking through all the lists Netflix had created for you, which were filled with movies and series you either had already seen or weren't interested in, Xiaojun was still expectantly waiting for his screen to go bright.

She must be joking, he thought.

Unlike you, Xiaojun's morning had started out brilliant. From the moment he opened his eyes, he was smiling and full of energy, excited to hang out with you after not seeing you for five whole days. He had missed you. Spending time with you was one of his favorite hobbies! Since you two had picnics regularly you two had decided that you would take turns in deciding and packing the picnic basket and this time it was Xiaojun's turn! He had been so excited all week, planning out a shopping list days before. He had specifically purchased grapes this time because he had this fantasy of putting one in your mouth (which sounded weird, but it would feel intimate to feed you fruit) and also playing around and throwing grapes up in the air and catching them in the mouth. 

Needless to say, he liked you a little more than a best friend should and that was a bit of a problem. His friends kept telling him that it was stupid to spend so much time with you and that Xiaojun should either try to ignore his emotions or he should distance himself from you until he loses feelings, because it was unfair to hurt himself by giving himself false hopes of getting somewhere with a taken girl. 

And Xiaojun knew it. For so long, he'd known that it was a bad idea to like you. You didn't like him in the same way, and you even had a boyfriend for fuck's sake — and a really pretty one at that! But no matter how many red flags there were, he still wanted to spend everyday with you. He didn't want a week to go by without being with you. He wanted to cuddle with you on a picnic blanket. He wanted to kiss you when you visited photo booths. He wanted to share hoodies with you. He wanted to stay up late and talk until you two fell asleep in each others' arms. He wanted to be the only one you called Prince. 

Wondering why you called Xiaojun 'Prince' when you already were in a relationship with Wonwoo? Well, Prince had been Xiaojun's nickname before you even met Wonwoo (yes, you'd known Xiaojun longer than you'd known Wonwoo, yet you still found yourself in a relationship with the latter — or not anymore actually). And though your (then) boyfriend never liked it, you had convinced him it was just a friendly pet name. Because that's exactly what it was.

To you.

To Xiaojun it was the closest he'd ever feel to being your boyfriend. But you started using that pet name less and ever since Wonwoo came around and ruined everything more than it already was ruined. Xiaojun even had to change his contact name on your phone to include the word 'Prince' so you wouldn't forget to call him that.

He loathed Wonwoo.

Wonwoo was always the reason why you couldn't hang out with your bestfriend for too long, why you couldn't call him Prince on certain occasions and why you couldn't look at him as a potential boyfriend. Wonwoo was an attention thief. Not really. But it felt like it. Xiaojun was jealous of everything Wonwoo had with you.

Because your boyfriend obviously was a threat, Xiaojun felt like he needed even more of your validation than before (which was already a lot). He needed your attention. If you ignored him he'd think it was your way of telling him that you had left him completely for Wonwoo. Ridiculous! He shouldn't feel like you owe attention to him.

Your friendly fucking friendship was the closest thing Xiaojun had to being together with you in the way he really wanted, so he valued it a lot. Not having you as his girlfriend was painful enough, but not having you as even his friend would break him.

Right now you weren't validating your time together, nor your friendship — or at least it felt like it to Xiaojun. He always needed your attention and unlike normally, he wasn't getting it right now. His smile dropped and so did his excitement for the day.

Was this the end?

He knew that spending one week without each other would lead to more time for you to spend with your damn boyfriend but he didn't know it would lead to the end of your friendship. 

No way he'd bail on the picnic plans.

Prince Junnie🦄

[can i pls come over? i bought fruits for u<33 i'm sure fruits is exactly what u need right now!!]

Prince Junnie🦄

[idc if i get sick or not bc i still wanna hang out w u]

Prince Junnie🦄

[pls 누나]

Sent 11:33

You had ignored him only once before and it was a horrible experience.

The way you ignored him (on accident) was so hurtful that he had to leave the gathering that he had looked forward to for so long, confusing the other guests, to go and lock himself in a bathroom so he could cry without bothering anyone. You'd gone right after him since you knew it wasn't very Xiaojun-like to leave a fun time for no reason. After you had knocked on the door and reassured him you were his best friend and not a random person coming to make fun of him, he let you in the bathroom.

The sight you were met by was his crumbling figure on the floor and overflowing tears on his cheeks. He had thought that you wanted nothing to do with him. Stupid you didn't see the obvious signs. It was because of the fact that you hadn't paid any attention to him that Xiaojun had gotten the idea that you had grown bored of him or that you wanted to leave him for Wonwoo (he hadn't told you the latter part, of course). And weeks later you did get together with Wonwoo. And that made him cry himself to sleep for days which you never knew.

How much your lack of attention and affection for Xiaojun had affected him was scary. And a fucking sign, you idiot. Nobody gets so worked up over the loss of affection of someone they view as a friend. Ever since that incident you'd made sure to always remind him of how much you value your friendship.

Except for today.

He thought he had made it clear enough to you that you never ever should ignore him unless you really meant It. Unless you really wanted to part ways. To go from the bestest friends to cold acquaintances. Some people might think it's crazy to be this attached to a best friend but you weren't just his best friend. You were his love and happiness. Without you he didn't have either.

Five minutes passed since he triple texted you and he still had no reply. Slowly he felt how his tummy was turning into knots and how his eyes started stinging.

Prince Junnie🦄

[ur making me worried]

Prince Junnie🦄

[hey!! text me so ik u didn't die from choking on strawberry milk 누나😰]

Prince Junnie🦄

[r u ignoring me?🫠]

Prince Junnie🦄

[unless u have corona, meet me by the river at 6 if u care abt me. i need to talk to u abt smth important]

Sent 12:04

If you didn't show up he knew for sure that you had left him behind forever. If you did show up then he'd confess to you. So spontaneously he couldn't keep his feelings away from you for another year because it wasn't healthy and he knew it. He knew he would have to tell you about his feelings sooner or later. And after being without you for a whole ass week and after experiencing the cruel punishment that is being ignored and even thinking you broke your dear friendship off, he knew the time had come for him to finally woman up and confess.

Whilst he was anxiously thinking through why he made such a bold move and possibly ruined any future he had with you, the girl he loved was being lazy and stuffing her face in pillows in front of a TV.

one season of Bojack Horseman later...

Tossed between blankets and an overflow of pillows, your tummy roared like a lion. You hadn't eaten anything yet. Maybe it was time to do something other than numbing your feelings with Netflix and the drinks you had at home? As you stood up you felt heavy. You had moved maximum 100 meters in the past few hours — to go to the bathroom, then kitchen and back to the living room — and it had taken a toll on your body physically.

Fuck.

You sat back down on your sofa and brought your phone to view after hours without it.

[6 new messages from Prince Junnie🦄]

Fuck. The last message was sent so long ago. You looked at your windows. It was dark outside. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. As fast as you physically could, you put on a pair of shoes and a jacket with your aching limbs.

In just a few minutes you were on your way to the closest bus station. The whole bus ride to the river was filled with thoughts putting you down. Your favorite person in the world was sensitive about this stuff and you hurt him. You were supposed to not let your bad mood affect anybody around you. But who were you kidding? Of course something had to go wrong with an idea you constructed and analyzed for four microseconds.

Before you knew it you had arrived at the destination. You were speed walking to the river. You two always went to the exact same spot by the river since it was usually vacant, by some miracle, and had a pretty view of a bridge.

You were naive enough to think that isolating yourself from your bestfriend and your phone would help solve your problems, so you were certainly naive enough to go and check if Xiaojun was still at your meeting place hours after you were supposed to meet him. What if he wasn't there? What if he was there?

The water was shimmering from the moonlight and next to it was a bench and an athletic, tall silhouette. Your eyes widened. Could it be...? Sniffles. That's the sound that came from their direction. You walked closer and could make out the lines of a figure that was all too familiar.

"Prince?"

The silhouette turned around and though it was dark you could see that it in fact was him. You quickly sat down beside him and noticed that a couple of notebooks were scattered on the ground next to a bike. You didn't know what to do, never having seen glad Xiaojun cry. After another particularly loud sniffle you turned your attention back to him. The light of the moon exposed the redness and tears on his face. For hours he'd been outside and his face was still wet with tears.

"Why are you still out at this hour?"

He choked on his tears and rested his face in his hands, "Because I'm a fool."

"No, you're not a—"

"Why are you here?" he interrupted you.

Touché.

"You told me to meet you if I care about you."

"You come here hours later as if I don't mean anything to you," he hurried out before his voice could crack.

"I'm sorry about that. But if I didn't care about you I wouldn't show up at all," you spoke with a soft tone. The last thing you wanted was to be harsh, especially since you were the reason your best friend was upset.

"Why did you do this to me, 누나?" he looked you in the eyes as if he'd find any answers inside them.

"I promise I didn't do it on purpose. I would never hurt you on purpose," you took his hands into yours, oblivious to how the simple gesture made Xiaojun a bit hopeful on the inside.

His hands were so cold it was shocking that he was shaking because of his crying and not because of the ice-like coldness. That's what happens when you're out for hours when there's no sun — or person — to keep you warm.

"I saw the messages 20 minutes ago and got here immediately. I would never purposely ignore you, Prince."

You made sure to use his nickname in almost every sentence you spoke, silently telling him that you don't want to fight. Slowly you brought his hands to your lips and kissed them lightly, five kisses on each hand for every finger. He looked at your lovely action and felt how his tears were slowing down. The kisses didn't make him warm — maybe for a second — but at least they made him feel somewhat better inside.

"I'm so, so sorry you had to be here in the cold," you apologized and kept his hands in yours as an attempt to warm them.

One part of Xiaojun wanted to continue being mad and make you feel bad for the hurt you'd caused him but the bigger part wanted you to hold him in your arms. He loved you and couldn't stay mad at you for long even if he tried.

"I-It's OK, 누나. At least you're here now," he whispered and looked at your locked hands, admiring the sight since it may never happen again — or maybe he should make sure his hands are cold more often—

You sent him a sorrowful smile and let his head rest on your shoulder, resting your own against it as an instinct, both from being comfortable and tired.

"From now on I will check if I have any texts every hour for you," you said with an exaggerated joking voice to lighten the mood.

He giggled. You weren't even being that funny but you were both tired and sad, so anything even a tiny bit funny was hilarious to both of you.

"What did you want to tell me before, Prince?" you whispered into his fluffy hair and petted it.

Should he tell you how he feels? Should he possibly ruin this? If he told you how he truly felt, would you ever kiss him hands like you did just now? Would you ever touch him this caringly ever again? Would you continue to call him Prince? Or would all of that be gone due to your loyalty to your sweet precious boyfriend Wonwoo?

For hours Xiaojun had been outside in the cold waiting for the love of his life so he could tell her the truth. But it took time before you, the love of his life, showed up. Too long.

When a person is alone outside with notebooks filled with blank pages to write feelings and stories in, it's easy to let emotions take over. He ended up writing around seven poems. Some poems were really cheesy and written in the spirit of the moment. Some didn't even rhyme. Some were a perfect description of where he was in him non-existent love life.

But they all had one thing in common.

They were melancholic and written from the point of view of a man who was hopelessly in love with his best friend.

"Nothing. I just wanted to have a picnic with you, 누나. I was just being dramatic to convince you to come despite feeling under the weather," he lied right through his teeth.

That made no sense because you two had never been on a picnic after sunset and Xiaojun would never lie to make you come see him. But you were tired and desperate to leave the cold outside, so you chuckled lightly, believing him immediately.

"Then where are the snacks?" you asked, confused since the only things around you were notebooks, a bike and water.

"I ate them."

Laughter filled the air; your genuine one and his fake one.

You put your face in his cheek, making him blush (not that you'd notice, since his cheeks were already red from before), "Well, my tummy is a little too thin right now, so let's go somewhere."

"In the middle of the night?" he questioned.

"Yes," you smiled against his cheek and he felt it, making him smile too.

"OK."

You both were still smiling when you were picking up all the notebooks to get ready for the ride. Jokes were thrown here and there. It was as if nothing had happened. You both knew it was a misunderstanding and you valued the friendship with the other too much to put energy into arguing. And you were tired too, so the argument wouldn't even be that epic even if you tried.

"What about your bike?" 

"Oh nooo! The buses are always so full now that it's too late to take the subway!" Xiaojun whined.

"You know what? Since I was a jerk you can go take a warm bus while I ride in the cold," you said impulsively.

"B-But, 누나—" he smiled, flattered. 

"B-But nothing," you interrupted him and sat down on the bike. Anyone who had spoken to you knew you were stubborn. He laughed. The little sadness he had left was gone by now. His cheeks were dry. Still red, but not from crying, now they were red from blushing.

"OK, whatever you say, 누나."

"You brought a transport card right?" you made sure since he came by bike.

"Yes I did~ See you in an hour, 누나," he winked at you and waved with a smile brighter than the moon before running to the bus that just arrived.

You waved back to him and got ready to bike — you definitely needed a head start. But before you started you couldn't help but see something white standing out in the darkness.

It was another one of Xiaojun's notebooks. You must've been too tired to notice it when you were picking them up. Thankfully the notebook was open or else you wouldn't have noticed it as it had a dark cover. You took it into your hands. To make sure it really was Xiaojun's you needed to read at least a snippet.

You prayed it was Xiaojun's because it would be worse if you read a stranger's private thoughts than your best friend's since you already knew all him secrets. The snippet was Xiaojun's. It was from one of the pages of poems that didn't rhyme, that was very cheesy but depicted how sappy he was feeling and also told him part of the story that you never knew.

I want to feel my best friend's lips on my lips

I want, more than anything, her to call me HER Prince

You drop the book on the grass. So that's what he wanted to tell you.

[eoieopda]

For the drabblepallooza :D

Hoseok:

hannah, this song 😩🥹 i hope i did it justice!

oh, you kissed me just to kiss me / not to make me cry / it was simple, you are sweetness / let’s just sit a while

2024 ETA: long after this was written, the user who requested this drabble admitted that they were a minor masquerading as an adult, violating my explicitly stated boundaries re: minors being prohibited from interacting with me and my content. this user has since been blocked.

It was a test - albeit an unfair one - but it was necessary. You were becoming comfortable and if your life had taught you even one (1) thing, it was this: the other shoe will always drop; and when it inevitably does, it’ll hit you square in your unsuspecting face.

Constant vigilance, or whatever. Sleep with one eye open. Hell, maybe two.

You weren’t sure what you’d done in a past life - what cursed mirror you shattered, or which witch you pissed off - but you didn’t get to be happy. Happy was for other people. Fate took your pretty, golden string and dragged it through the mud. You were polluted; you were sure of it.

But then Hoseok sprung up so unexpectedly like a daisy blooming through a crack in a city sidewalk. It was shocking, made you do a double take to prove you weren’t seeing things. Even worse, it made you hope. You were concrete, busted and so stubborn, and he was sweet. As much as you wanted to, you didn’t know how to trust that.

It had to be a ruse. Some long con - right?

Life lesson number two (2) was that no 2:00 AM text goes unpunished. You’d only ever been on the receiving end - in more ways than one - and it always ended up the same way: with you slumped on your couch with your best friend; you shoveling handfuls of dry cereal into your gaping maw; you ugly crying.

You couldn’t get a read on him, despite the month you’d been seeing each other. Was he the kind of person that would even be awake to receive your invitation? If he was, what would he make of it? And if he did show up on your doorstep, what then?

As usual, you got bored halfway into thinking it through. There was only one way to find out.

[02:03 AM]: Come over? ����🏻👈🏻

Once you’d rigged the bomb that would blow you sky-high, all you could do was wait. You sat on your couch and faced the television you still hadn’t turned on, but your restless eyes kept darting down to the phone in your lap.

No matter how many times you tapped its screen to wake it, you couldn’t make a notification appear. All you accomplished with this course of action was repeated, glaring, minute-by-minute reminders that this whole thing was stupid.

At 2:39 AM, you accepted defeat. Hoseok was a hard-worker and an early-riser; it only made sense that he went to bed when respectable adults did. You should’ve been glad that you hadn’t ruined his good night’s sleep.

You were halfway back to your bedroom when a quiet knock stopped you dead in your tracks. Body still frozen, you tilted your head to stare incredulously at the door.

It worked? Fuck! Now what?

It took several seconds to convince your feet to move. When they finally did, the sound echoing through your apartment wasn’t that of bare soles on hardwood. Instead of muffled footsteps, you heard your brain repeating one word rhythmically, over and over, with each step: idiot, idiot, idiot.

You weren’t sure what you expected when you opened the door. Perhaps it was Hoseok, standing there like a fuck-boy with a condom wrapper clenched between his teeth. Maybe instead of a condom, it’d be a rewards card that he could redeem for a free coffee once your hole was punched. Or maybe he’d be naked, concealing his naughty bits with a sign that said I’m going to ruin your life!

Whatever horrible thing you could’ve imagined, it wasn’t what you got: Hoseok and his cold-bitten cheeks, wearing a big, flannel scarf and the sleepiest fucking smile you’d ever seen. He quirked an eyebrow at your shocked expression, but he didn’t ask after it.

He simply raised a white, styrofoam to-go box, and said, “Sorry it took so long. I stopped at that late-night pizza joint by my place. You wouldn’t believe that line.”

Dumbstruck, you accepted the box from him and stepped aside to allow him in. He kicked off his shoes, then tossed his coat and scarf onto the nearby coat rack. But then he kept moving, talking all the while, without noticing the sparks flying off your broken brain.

“Seriously, it wrapped around the entire block. As bad as it sounds, I’m kind of glad you weren’t with me this time,” he snickered as he dumped himself onto your couch. He threw you a wink you weren’t prepared to catch, “I don’t know if I could’ve stood there for twenty minutes while wearing you like a back-pack.”

Your face scrunched up. For the first time, actual words clambered out of your slack-jawed mouth, “Hey! I’m perfectly capable of waiting in a line!”

His brows furrowed above twinkling eyes. There was no point in arguing; you both knew you were full of shit. Right on cue, a montage started playing in your mind. It chronicled every single time you whined for a piggyback ride -

Spoiler alert: The total was somewhere between 12 and 20.

- because your legs were tired, or your shoes were giving you blisters, or because you were a dumb baby who needed to be held, or because maybe you were starting to lo- Nope, stop right there.

“Okay, fine, I’m not,” you conceded with a sigh as you joined him. Looking down at the pizza box - which was miraculously still warm despite his cold walk here - you bit down on your bottom lip.

He saw your shy silence and raised you a gentle nudge with his shoulder.

“You were sleeping,” you eventually whispered. Declaratory, not inquisitive because you woke him up, you menace.

Hoseok was so visibly confused by your uncharacteristic quietness, “Yes? And now I’m not.”

You were already melting into a puddle under that sunshine in his eyes, but he nevertheless persisted:

“You always get hungry this late. Was I supposed to let you starve?”

Your knees were wobbling even though your ass was firmly planted on that cushion, “That’s why you’re here?”

“I mean, I also missed you,” his bemused laughter carried you off like a breeze, “But keeping you fed is priority number one - for national security purposes, obviously. You get so cranky when you’re hungry.”

You were not going to cry, you adamantly refused, but your eyes got a little blurry when that giggle flew out of you. You kept giggling, too, until his cold hand cupped your cheek.

Then he kissed you and it was cotton candy, so sugary sweet in the way it melted in your mouth. You waited for him to pull you into his lap, to deepen the kiss, for that other shoe to collide with the top of your thick skull.

But he stopped.

He tucked you under his arm.

He smiled as he held a piece of pizza up to your buzzing lips, and he chuckled when you finally took the bite he offered.

[kaylinasher]

11

When the sun shines, we'll shine together Told you I'll be here forever Said I'll always be your friend Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end Now that it's raining more than ever Know that we'll still have each other You can stand under my umbrella

WARNINGS - mention of blood, mention of wound, spice

After Asher was through the door, the full weight of what Lucifer had said hit him and he leaned back against the heavy wood of the door for support.  Had Kaylin truly thought that he would in any way blame her for what happened?  As he tried to figure out why, he realized it was probably the same reason that he felt guilt that he hadn’t done more to try and protect her.  They loved one another and failing to protect the one you loved always brought guilt.  He’d always been able to get between them before, but seeing what Damien had done to her when she’d made it down to that cell had gutted him and caused a pain that was worse than what had been done to his back.  He’d die for Kaylin.

As he stood there, he could hear the shower off of Kaylin’s bedroom and headed in that direction, dropping the clothes he was holding on the couch in her bedroom.  He’d been in the suite numerous times when they’d stayed at the Palace both before and after Lucifer had been dethroned.  The rooms so familiar, he almost didn’t need to have his eyes open to know where to step.  

At the door to the bathroom, he leaned against the doorframe, his heart breaking as he saw Kaylin leaned up against the wall of the walk in shower, head bowed, obviously crying.  Asher hated that she’d been so broken and he’d been able to do nothing to stop it, but he also was aware that neither of them could have done a damn thing to stop it once Damien had set things in motion.  Time to comfort the only woman who had ever had his heart.  Stripping, with some effort and more than a little pain, he headed over to join her.

You have my heart

And we'll never be worlds apart

Maybe in magazines

But you'll still be my star

Baby, 'cause in the dark

You can't see shiny cars

And that's when you need me there

With you, I'll always share

Because

Kaylin was still trying to get her head wrapped around everything that had happened at her father’s castle when she felt strong arms wrap around her from behind.  Startled, she took a deep gasp of air, before the scent of smoke and spice wrapped around her and was as comforting as the feel of the arms themselves.  Why he wasn’t down in the infirmary resting and making sure that their friends had healed everything, she didn’t know. For a moment her head fell back against his strong chest and she just relished his strength around her, her comfort.

Turning in his arms, Kaylin looked up into those greenish hazel eyes she adored so much. “What are you doing here?” 

The instant widening of his eyes and loosening of his grip around her waist told her instantly had misinterpreted what she meant.  Quickly her arms went around his waist as she worked to clarify, the last thing she wanted to do was hurt his soul as her father had so injured his body.  “Shouldn’t you still be down in the infirmary resting.”  The dark circles under his eyes worried her. “I was going to come down when I…” Her hand reached up shakily to cup the side of his face as her brain tried to figure out what she was going to say.

Kaylin wasn’t even sure what to say she was going to do in that minute.  Stop blaming herself?  Stop feeling sorry for herself?  Got her head on straight?  She wasn’t sure, so she let that hang there as she continued.  “I just had to get the blood off of me.  Yours, mine, ours.”  Her thumb ran over his cheekbone where a dark pink, ugly mark showed where a wound had recently healed; the scene in the cell when she’d lifted his head up flashing in her mind, how scared she’d been that she was too late.  Her heart ached as she looked up at him.

Her first question had been like a slap in the face to Asher whose nerves were so frayed that he hadn’t even considered she could mean anything but the rebuke that Lucifer had insinuated. When Kaylin had clarified, he had been able to start relaxing and accept that Luc had just been testing him, and that the woman he loved with his whole soul didn’t hate him.  “You think I wanted to stay down there with them fussing over me?”  One side of his mouth rose, his arms tightening around her to pull her closer once more.  The feel of having her in his arms meant that this was real and not some illusion his mind was creating in a delirium.  “And I want all of this blood off too.” He turned them so they were both under the warm spray of water.  A loud hiss came from him when it hit his back, his eyes closing momentarily as he steeled himself against the sting he hadn’t expected.  It might be mostly healed, but that didn’t mean the skin wasn’t sensitive as fuck.

“I needed to see you Kay, to make sure you were okay.  To make sure you’re safe.”  His head lowered till their foreheads were touching.  When he’d seen the bruises and cuts on her face from her father, he’d wanted to gut Damien himself.  He’d never felt so useless as he had in that dungeon; now he wanted to make all that up to her, even if none of it was truly his fault. “I was going crazy down there not knowing how you were, and you not being there…after seeing what he did to you…”  His eyes closed, his hands gently running over her back.  He’d been barely conscious when they landed in the Palace, and remembered little of what happened in the gardens.  Her not being there when he woke up in the infirmary had terrified him.  It had taken more than one Horseman and a few fallen to keep him there.

When the sun shine, we shine together

Told you I'll be here forever

Said I'll always be your friend

Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we'll still have each other

You can stand under my umbrella

You can stand under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh-eh

“Ash…” Kaylin’s voice was soft as she brought her lips to his.  She could see his emotions playing out across his face and they almost mirrored her own.  She had been so scared for him, but she’d known that she would only be in the way down in the infirmary.  Trying to stand by and watch them work on him with his blood, so much blood, on her hands and arms had just kept bringing fresh waves of fear and worry.  It was what had convinced her to let her grandfather bring her to her suite to get cleaned up.  She was going to be useless till her head was on straight, she still wasn’t sure that it was.  Now here he was, not able to stay away from her either. 

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as their lips parted.  Her eyes fluttering open to look back into his again.  Until she thought she’d lost him, she didn’t realize exactly how much she loved him. “I didn’t wait this long to finally know you wanted me like I did you, just to let you go so quickly.”  Tears again pricked at her eyes. How long had they danced around one another without either one professing their love for each other in a way other than platonic.

One of Asher’s hands left her back to brace against the wall, his head starting to swim, but he didn’t want to step away from her.  “I’m not letting you go either, Kay.  But, I’m losing the battle against exhaustion.” His lips ghosted over hers, the softest of kisses as he focused just on staying standing.  It had been his sheer stubbornness and need to see her that had kept him upright before; but now that he knew she was alright, his body was failing and needed rest.  “Ready to get out?”  One side of his mouth raised, trying to keep things lighter and not let them go down the dark path of what *could have been* back at her father’s castle.

These fancy things

Will never come in between

You're part of my entity

Here for infinity

When the war has took its part

When the world has dealt its cards

If the hand is hard

Together we'll mend your heart

Because

Kaylin reached over and turned off the water, then told Asher to stay there and use the wall to help him stay up.  She knew that if she tried to help him walk, they might fall.  She still wasn’t too steady herself, but knew that the jewelry her grandfather had gifted her had eased the damage she had received.  Easier to take one thing at a time, there was no reason to rush at this point.  After she got herself dried off, she secured the towel around her chest and between her breasts and then grabbed one for Asher.  It was then it even occurred to her that they’d both just been naked.   She’d been so worried about him, and he about her, that neither of them had even seemed to notice.  Now as she returned to him, she couldn’t help but notice, and appreciate his form from behind.  

Once she made it back over to him, she helped him dry off.  Of the two of them, she was in better shape.  How he was even standing still mystified her.  Standing before him again, she had him let go of the wall and hold onto her, then she traced them into the bedroom, next to the bed.  They both needed rest, and neither of them were willing to be separated again.  After helping him into the bed on his back so it wasn’t twisted, she went and pulled the drapes of the room closed to leave the room barely illuminated in a soft light then she returned to him and slid in next to him, laying on her side to face him and pulling the blankets over them to fight off the slight chill in the room.

“Ash…” Kaylin waited till he was looking at her, “I’m sorry I didn’t just bring us here when we decided that we wanted to be together.  I should have known grandad would be on our side.” There was regret etched on every line and curve of her face, it almost seemed to pull the sides of her eyes down with it.  Her heart hurt knowing that if she hadn’t put him off and just skipped the meeting with Xavier, her father would not have had the chance to hurt the man she loved.

“None of that.  We could *what if* it all night, but it changes nothing.  We made it here, and I’m not leaving you, no matter what happens.  Kay,” he reached up and ran the backs of his fingers over the petal soft skin of her cheek, “I love you.  I’ve always loved you.  Nothing is going to change that.”  Asher hated seeing the guilt on her face, like she’d done something wrong.  “And I’m going to do everything I can now to make sure that you are protected.  I can’t lose you.” His fingers slipped behind her neck to pull her to him for a kiss.

“I love you too, Ash.” She replied when their lips finally parted again. “I have for a long time, I was just scared you didn’t feel the same.”  Her eyes dropped to his chest.  “I knew about the other women…” it was an admission that she hated to make.  He’d kept his sex life completely private, but their rooms had been joined by a door and sometimes accidents happened and she had almost walked in on him with someone else in his bed. Her eyes rose back to his, “and I was so jealous…” She could feel the heat creeping up into her cheeks.  It seemed a slightly humorous admission now that she was the one laying in the bed naked with him.  Even if neither of them was remotely in the mood for sex at the moment.

Asher’s brow rose, how the fuck did she know?  He had been so careful, every single time.  Not because of Kaylin necessarily, but he wanted his private life just that, private. “You did, huh? Kind of like I know about the Generals?”  He assumed it was the same way, that damn door between the rooms.  A door that was not soundproof. The fact her cheeks were now flaming red answered his question. 

“Too bad you never told me you were jealous.”  He did wonder how much she’d seen as he pulled her tight against his side.  “You would have learned a secret that they never knew….” He watched as the eleven lines between her brows deepened.  A smirk formed on his lips as he watched her trying to figure out what he was talking about.  His hand cupping the back of her neck, he brought her ear near his lips.  “It wasn’t their face I saw when I closed my eyes, it was yours.”

When the sun shine, we shine together

Told you I'll be here forever

Said I'll always be your friend

Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we'll still have each other

You can stand under my umbrella

You can stand under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh-eh

For a moment, Kaylin just froze there in his arms.  Part of her wanted to call him a liar, but she knew he wasn’t.  He was being honest.  “Then count me a fool for taking you for granted for too long, Ash.  But I won’t ever do that again, I love you far too much for that.”  She turned her head so their eyes could meet.  “When I thought I’d lost you in that cell, I felt like my heart stopped.” Her hand gently cupped his jaw.  “No matter what we have to face from here on out, I always want you at my side.”

“You’re making me wish I’d pressed you earlier.” Asher smirked, currently kicking himself for not. “Maybe I should send Xavier a thank you gift, for getting us to finally talk about shit.” There was a tightness in his chest.  He hated talking about feelings, but as much as she thought she’d lost him, Lucifer’s words outside her suite had just completely gutted him till he’d told the truth. He couldn’t lose her either.  “You’re never going to have to face anything, not one single thing, without me there for you Kaylin.  You never did.  I do have another admission…” He let it hang there for a minute, the tightness in his chest getting worse.  It was the other reason that he wanted to get to Kaylin, one that he hadn’t told Lucifer.

You can run into my arms

It's okay, don't be alarmed

Come into me

There's no distance in between our love

So gonna let the rain pour

I'll be all you need and more

Because

“If it’s like the last one, I am very interested to hear.” An affectionate smile lit up Kaylin’s face.  She still wasn’t sure how they reached this point after so long of dancing around one another, but she wasn’t going to question.  She was too thankful to the Source that they were here.

“It’s a little different.” He admitted and pulled her in for a soft kiss as he gathered his courage.  Meeting her inquisitive gaze afterwards, “I talked to your cousin, Cruz.”  He watched as her eyes started to widen.  Calling on his own magic, he manifested a ring from his hoard, yes all dragons have one, and held it up where she could see.  “Seems he has no problem with a Princess and a dragon marrying, and even offered to perform the ceremony.  If you still want this battered and bruised dragon. Kay, I don’t ever want you to doubt again just how much you mean.”

It hadn’t even occurred to her to talk to her grandfather about the possibility of a wedding, let alone to approach her cousins.  She’d been so wrapped up in what had happened, but it only reinforced how serious Asher was about everything.  Here she had been the one that had promised to talk to them, and he took the initiative and already had a blessing.

“Ash, I want you, whatever condition you’re in.” She held up her hand and watched him slide the ring on, as tears made slow tracks down her face, the happiest tears she could ever remember crying.  “You are my best friend, my love, my everything, now and always. No one else, just you. .” Their fingers intertwined and she had to keep looking at the brilliant white gold ring that had a dragon wrapped around the princess cut diamond.  It, just like him, was absolutely perfect. 

When the sun shine, we shine together

Told you I'll be here forever

Said I'll always be your friend

Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we'll still have each other

You can stand under my umbrella

You can stand under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh-eh

It's raining, raining

Ooh baby, it's raining, raining

Baby, come into me, come into me

It's raining, raining

Ooh baby, it's raining, raining

You can always come into me, come into me

It's pouring rain, it's pouring rain

Come into me, come into me

It's pouring rain, it's pouring rain

Come into me, come into me

[thingummywhut]

Vows

In the name of God, I, Tim, take you, Jane, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

♡I promise to be true to you♡ And only to you. It'll only ever be you Winnie Jane. You are my moon and my star. Even on days when it sucks, even when we fight, even when you want to break up with me(everyday) - it's still you! My eyes and my hands won't stray and my heart will always be rooted in you. Always.

♡For better or worse♡ Even when it means we'll celebrate because you made it through this week. I'll go to Jollibee and order your favorite food, and we'll dance on our apartment without music.

It also means sometimes it'll be ugly. The kind of ugly where you just don't have it in you to keep it together and you just cry. The kind of ugly where you wear black in hard pews on rainy Mondays just like I did today, and you mourn and pray and call out to God. Some days we will have fire around us and the only way out is through, but the best part of "for better or worse" means you'll have a hand to hold as the burns heal.

♡For richer or poorer♡ Just means we have days when we talk about money and we don't leave each other even when we see greener grass with somebody else. It means we dig out together and we worry about it together and we get by together.

For richer or poorer looks a whole lot like my grandpa and grandma's 60 year love. Sometimes we won't have a lot of peso but we have each other so it always works out.

♡To love and to cherish♡ Is when I get to answer a thousand silly questions from you as we lie on the bed, and I get to listen to you snore afterwards. You get to deal with my clothes everywhere, and I get to deal with the dishes after breakfast.

All these just means

we get to.

All of it. Every word of every spoken and unspoken vow just means that

we get to.

Every day, every night, every laugh, every loss.

We get to♡

"With this hand I will lift your sorrows.  Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine.  With this candle, I will light your way in darkness.  With this ring, I ask you to be mine".

[swimmingleo]

Changes: or to take the higher ground before it's too late

I'm going to be real here folks, I cry ugly tears to this song. Bad.

Changes is a song on Cam's album "The Otherside". It's country, it's folk and it's an album a bit influenced by changes in Cam's life (a change of label, personal life). She collaborated with Harry on the song Changes, as she opened for him on a venue and was already working with Tyler Johnson.

From what I gathered: Harry sent her the demo of the song, implying he made most of the writing on this one. What I'm basing this claim on is her interview for Rolling Stones (read it here):

I heard [the demo] and was just like, “Oh, this ache to outgrow something that you don’t want to outgrow!” It felt so good. I normally don’t take outside songs [...]

‼️DISCLAIMER‼️when analysing this song, I'm gonna go from the idea of it being written with a queer mindset (how surprising of me). Cam rendered the song beautifully and it is very much her own, but I believe Harry's input is consequential. After all that's his lil whistle and cute fishsona in the MV.

Sad queer analysis ahead.

Let's analyse the lyrics first:

There is a town

Somewhere down a country road

The speaker describes the town to us, from memory, from experience. "There it is, down the road, can you picture it ?"

I see it now

I take it everywhere I go

The speaker doesn't currently live in the town, they're on the move (nice throwback to the coutry road). But despite all the travelling, they realize the sedentary smalltown never leaves them. It's part of them. It left a mark on them.

The river sways, I can almost hear it now

As if to say, "You're not the only one who wants a way out"

The town is so real to the speaker they can sense it, eyes and ears. But it gets a bit dark: the river sways like it's trying to leave its bed. The river is envious of the speaker who managed to leave. The town is so toxic even nature wants to get away from it. Or the speaker resents the town so bad that they project their own resentment on the river.

So, I go

'Cause I don't wanna feel like I don't know you anymore

I memorize those roads

This is the call for the speaker to leave for good. Their motive doesn't seem to be ambitious or anything grand. They leave because they apprehend a feeling. Apprehending a feeling, something that may not even happen, is the way of an anxious person. Anxiety is the motive of their departure. However, they still memorize the roads leading to the town, just in case. Perhaps one day they'll come back.

Somewhere out in the big wild country

Someone's fallin' in love in a backseat

Givin' it away

Like their hearts won't ever break

Suddenly it's about love ! Young love, one that is lived in the small compartment of a car, somewhere hidden and safe in the big wild country. As if the countryside was unexplored and threatening.

God bless the young hearts sippin' cheap wine

Gettin' drunk with their friends for the first time

Thinkin' nothing's gonna change

'Til everything changes

The speaker looks at the youth with tenderness, wishing them the best. But once again, they're not in the town in the present time, they don't see the youngsters fooling around, they can only guess from first-hand experience. And it's very specific: falling in love, getting drunk with friends and thinking everything's gonna be easy like that forever until it's not and heartbreak ensues.

From there I hop in with the raw queer theme of those lyrics. It started by falling in love and it ended up in a heartbreak. In between, the speaker got drunk for the first time with their friends, people they trusted enough to let go a little, but in the end everything changed. Why ? Alcohol makes you forget about code of conduct, how you're supposed to behave. It makes you say or do things you might not have done sober.

We can interprete this chorus as the beginning of the end for the speaker. It's the only part of the song evocating the past, and it's fun and easy, but it's also where things started to get bad the way they are in the present. Something might have happened that first time the speaker got drunk and it marked the end of innocence and careless childhood, and it probably has to do with love as no other factor is provided apart from falling in love and heartbreak.

They never leave

They're all havin' babies now

Watchin' daytime TV

Livin' off the gossip of a cruel small town

They. With Harry, it's always You, Me, and They. They are having babies, all of them, like it's not a very difficult thing to do, it's just natural. They have the leisure of the day, not a thing to worry about, if not gossip. It's not implied anymore, the small town is downright cruel. Gossip fuels it, but on behalf of someone else, and that someone is most definitely the speaker who left and who describes its inhabitants in the most mundane way, perhaps with a hint of contempt. The speaker seems bitter.

So, I go

'Cause I don't wanna feel like you don't know me anymore

Don't recognize my face

Reprise of the pre-chorus except now, the speaker provides another reason for their departure. Not only they feared they wouldn't know the town anymore, they also feared being seen as a stranger. It's not like the speaker actually changed physically: but it might as well feel like it. Again, apprehension, anguish. As implied in the chorus, things changed to the point where the speaker feels they would seem like a whole another person to the rest of the town, a stranger, a threat to the integrity of the conservatives. So they leave before this shift in perception can happen.

There ain't nothing here for me anymore

They say they don't hear from me anymore

And I don't wanna hear it anymore

The town is not outwardly hostile. It's still the town that saw the speaker as a kid. The town doesn't understand why the speaker left, but the speaker won't give in and get in touch. They want to be as far away as possible, until they don't hear the questions, the river, everything. It's almost like the speaker doesn't carry the town in their heart at all. They want to forget it all, and it hurts everytime the town tries to lure them back in. The way Cam sings it is painful to me man

Somewhere out in the big wild country

I was fallin' in love in a backseat

Givin' it away

Like my heart won't ever break

Had such a young heart sippin' cheap wine

Gettin' drunk with my friends for the first time

Thinkin' nothing's gonna change

'Til everything changes

Yeah, just the confirmation of the chorus being the speaker's experience. I went ahead and assumed it was already lol but it's like a plot twist effect. It's dramatic. It's a personal song to someone.

TO MAKE IT SHORT to me this song is intense and very in touch with the queer experience. Though it describes a specific situation, it is surprisingly not that detailed or full of metaphors the way Harry often writes: this town could be literally any smalltown in the countryside. The backseat could be the one of any car, cheap wine is something any teen can afford. I like to think Harry wrote it for himself but is also aware so many people went through the same thing, and still will. I have to admit I'm heavily biased writing this, as the experience of a queer kid struggling to find their place in a well settled smalltown is familiar.

GETTING DRUNK AND QUEER IDENTITY is an analogy Harry already used in Fine Line when he sang "We'll get the drinks in so I'll get to thinking of her". To drink is to let go, to unveil the most subconscious aspects of yourself you might not want to deal with otherwise. You don't care about judgement and you get to explore those parts freely. In Changes, this is the last memory they recall before stating the changes and their departure. Perhaps getting drunk for the first time would be when they realized they're queer. Or acted upon it, causing their little world to shake. They chose to leave before it eventually wouldn't feel like a choice anymore. There is no life for people like them in a cruel smalltown.

SMALLTOWN BOY

This song reminds me an awful lot of Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat. The song is about a queer boy having to leave the smalltown where he grew up because of persecutions and no future prospects.

Mother will never understand why you had to leave, Smalltown Boy

They say they don't hear from me anymore, Changes

But the answers you seek will never be found at home, the love that you need will never be found at home

There is nothing here for me anymore

Other people not understanding why they leave. People who can't truly empathize even when they mean no harm. They would never understand the speaker's departure, because those people get to find love and have babies and live a peaceful life in the countryside.

You were the one that they'd talk about around town as they put you down

Livin' off the gossip of a cruel small town

Yeah yeah. I really struggle with just seeing this song as nostalgia when such harsh words are being used. I do believe there is a part of fondness for that town, that countryside setting and the early days. But it's not all tender memories.

CHANGES AND ERODA

Of couuuurse we all noticed the adorable purple fish with the pearl necklace. It represents Harry, no question, as it whistles Harry's part. And of couuuuurse we all made the link with the erodian fish, and some even noticed they formed the bluegreener pair when their colors are inverted.

It makes sense for those fishes to be connected with this interpretation of Changes. Both works are about a small town, lost in the nature, where the people are watching, aware of everything that isn't normal, that is peculiar. The early life of the peculiar boy is similar in every way to the early life of the speaker in Changes. The fish in Adore You grows too big for the island and has to leave, and though Eroda makes amends with the peculiar boy, he leaves as well because his future, his fulfilment, is somewhere else. So does the speaker in Changes.

IN CONCLUSION

The more I write posts like this, the more endeared I am by Harry's world. How Harry writes for himself, but also for other people with songs like this. How nature finds its way in all that he does. How grounded he is, how he doesn't seem to forget where he came from. It really is such a rare thing to see in a mainstream popstar's writing and art. How can someone say he sold his soul to LA is beyond me

[dabiboy]

As I said yesterday, here's some dad material. Hawks and Dabi, fluff this time👀.

Author's note: I really liked the lyrics of the second song, it fit wells 😅

Hawks:

The clock stroke two am, and the silence of the room was filled with Haru's scream. Was it pain? Was it fear? Was it hungry? You couldn't now, he was just a bit more than one month, so all you could do was guessing. You squirmed a bit, ready to get up and go check on the baby, but a warm hand on your arm stopped you.

"I got this" Hawks said in a raspy and sleepy voice.

"You sure? You worked a lot today"

"And because of it I couldn't be with him that much. If my son needs me, I'll go to him even if I was missing my two legs" you couldn't help but feel your heart warm, but at the same time you let out a lazy laugh.

"Maybe he needs me" you teased.

"Nah, listen, he's clearly saying dad" Hawks laughed "Go back to sleep, honey. You need to rest. I'll let you know if he's hungry"

After leaving a short kiss on your shoulder, Keigo got up and made his way to Haru's room. The little creature in the crib was crying his lungs out, and even though it was worrying Hawks allowed himself to smile, he was still amazed. How could he love someone that much?

He leaned closer the crib so he could hold the kid and look at him. For a second, his crying stopped, and Haru locked eyes with Keigo, doubt, curiosity, but then? The crying started again, making Keigo laugh a bit.

"C'mon, I'm not that ugly, aren't I?" He said.

Once the baby in his arms, he held him against his chest, letting him feel his warm and heartbeats. Keigo started humming softly as he walked around the room, getting closer to the window.

"You have made my life complete, and I love you so," Keigo sang lowly, resting his cheek on the baby's temple. "Love me tender, love me true. All my dreams fullfill. For my darling, I love you" He sang "And I always will"

It seemed it was working, because there was no more crying, instead, some soft like cooing sounds as the baby held onto his father's neck as he looked at the bright lights of the city.

"I'm never letting you go, kid" Keigo whispered, softly caressing his back "I swear I'll try me best to be good at this" low chuckle "But one thing's for sure. You will always have your dad, k'? One day we'll fly together. And I'll be there to catch you if you fall, always. That's a promise"

He smiled, pressing a kiss on Haru's forehead. Keigo kept humming, swinging from side to side slowly. After some minutes, he layed on a small couch next to the crib, holding the baby against his chest. His soft breathing and warm little body seemed to calm Keigo too, and without even knowing his wings were wrapped around the little human securely, together with his arms.

"My precious chicken nugget"

Those were Keigo's last words before falling asleep with his baby on his chest. Wishing that moment was forever.

Dabi:

"I'm busy right now, princess. Can't go" Dabi said simply on the other side of the line.

"Dabi please, I'm travelling in five minutes and no one is available, I can't leave Kaji alone. Less at night. I arrive in them morning, please."

"Shit, fine. I'll try to make it fast"

After hung up, he cursed to himself and finish his work. Just villain things.

Dabi didn't even bother in telling Shigaraki to fuck off before he went back to your apartment, it was just one night, right? He was going to be fine. It was just a kid, not an alien. And it was his kid. A kid that was always excited to see his dad, and actually, that was what scared him.

Once he make it home, he used the spare key to get inside, and in less than five seconds some tiny arms were wrapped around his legs.

"You came!" Kaji said, holding him tenderly, making Dabi stiffed.

"Yeah, I did" He replied simply, and notice the mess he had on the table "watcha' doing?"

"I was drawing, but astronauts are hard to do" Kaji whined and ran back to the table, climbing to the chair to show Dabi his drawing "See?"

"Looks like crap" Dabi said simply "Should try again, maybe improve the proportions" That's all he said before moving to the couch and let himself fall there, covering his face with his forearm. Kaji looked at his drawing, considering his dad's advice, not worying about his attitude because he knew he was... Harsh.

"Wanna draw with me?" Kaji asked, excited again.

"Nah, keep doing your things. Act like I'm not here" Dabi replied, he was not going to sit a draw cute things. No way in hell.

Kaji just hummed back, and kept fixing his drawing. But still, his attention was on Dabi. He wasn't there often, and when he was he was... Boring and distant, but he was like that. The times that he had shown more affection were when Kaji was feeling bad, and now he was being a functional five year old.

After some minutes, he stood up. Making Dabi look with just one eye when he heard the running steps going away, and then coming back. The kid showed up with a blanket covered with stars around his shoulders, catching Dabi's attention. Kaji opened the big windows that led to the balcony, and sat on a couch.

"Mom says I can't be alone out here" Yes, he was persuasive.

"And now you're doing what your mom says?" Dabi asked, lifting an eyebrow "Go to bed, Kaji. Is fucking late" honestly, it was Dabi the one that wanted to sleep.

"But I'm not tired. And I wanna be here! The sky is clear and stars look very pretty" Kaji lifted his eyes to the sky, shinning just like the stars above.

"Shit, fine" Dabi stood up, and walked to the couch Kaji was sitting on "Move your ass"

The kid moved faster than ever, happy because his dad finally agreed to something. Dabi sighed, eyes up to the sky as well. He had always watched the stars, something he liked doing yet no one knew. And apparentely, his son liked that too.

"Wanna play rock, paper, scissors?"

"No"

"What about a guessing game?"

"I sat here already, I'm not playing too, Kaji"

After a moment of silence, Dabi did feel a bit bad. Kaji's mood changed, because he was now much quieter, looking down and not at the stars. Dabi knew his time with him was not going to be much, and now? He was just wasting it. Ah shit.

"You're so boring" Kaji mumbled, playing with his fingers "My classmates... They all do fun things with their dads, I... I can't even tell them about you" He sounded sad, and he was. He didn't even look at him.

"You think I'm boring?" Dabi said, "Am I really, brat?"

Dabi grabbed his body so he could tumble him on the couch, the kid looked scared at the sudden action, but then, Dabi started tickling his stomach, armpits, neck, everywhere "So you do think I'm boring, but look at ya' " Dabi kept tickling him, Kaji's laughing loudly and happier than ever, trying to keep the glasses on his face as he tried to get free from his dad's attack "Laughing like a crazy kid huh"

"Dad stop! You're not boring anymore" He said among bursts of laughter.

"Said that again" Dabi teased, his hands never stopping.

"You're not boring! You're the best dad ever" He said and Dabi stopped at those words, looking at him with sad yet surprised eyes.

"That's better" He went back to his mind, and ruffled Kaji's hair, eyes on the sky again

"Look! A shooting star!" Kaji pointed to the sky, a huge smile on his face "Quick, make a wish dad!"

Was he allowed to wish something? He didn't know, the only thing that he asked was his son not to be like him. Night moved on, and the warm summer breeze calmed down the two blue eyed boys on the balcony, and from one minute to a another Kaji's head was on Dabi's lap, sleeping peacefully. He covered him with the blanket, and left a soft pat on his shoulder before closing his eyes.

He wished things were different.

[criminalmindswhore]

The reason I'm still breathing.

Basically Emily finds the reader crying in the bathroom and she forces the reader to open up.

TW: Suicidal Thoughts and Self Harm

Getting out of bed got harder with each day, you just wanted to be swallowed up by the bed. You head always hurt, and if you weren't crying you were numb. You've struggled with depression with years but it's never been this bad. Dragging into the bathroom you quickly brushed your teeth and got ready for the day. Sitting the conference room Hotch announced the case was in DC so you would work out of the office. The team all dispersed but you. You stayed put staring at the information on the board. None of it was clicking together, why would the unsub be taking such gigantic risks in the murders, 4 whiteness, evidence upon evidence.

About 3 hours into you just scribbling ideas down it made sense. The unsub was suicidal. You sprung up from your seat and stuck your head out of the door, "Guys I got it!" The team quickly followed you back into the room, taking your place in front of the boards you explained, "The reason the unsub is leaving so many clues and making so many mistakes is because they don't care what happens to them. They don't care if they die, get hurt, caught, they're suicidal." The last word came out as more of a choke when you saw how the team was looking at you. Hotch was the first to speak up, "That's a great catch Y/n. We'll work off of this. Morgan and Rossi go to the last crime scene and look at it this way. JJ release a statement around these lines. Garcia I want you to look at calls to suicide hotline on the nights of the crime. Y/l/n Prentiss, stay here and work on the profile." Everyone dispersed without saying another word.

A deep sigh was let out and Emily sat at the table, "I can't imagine feeling this helpless. No one's ever completely helpless." You sat beside her and you felt worse than you did this morning. You were helpless. No one could protect you from yourself. "I'm gonna go to the restroom, I'll be back." She gave a worried look as you practically ran to the bathroom. Tears already flooding down your face, you threw open the doors and fell into the floor sobbing. The team couldn't even stand to look at you when you were talking. They didn't need you anymore. A soft knock broke your thoughts. "Can I come in?" It was Emily. You sat up against the wall. "Yeah." Wiping your face with your sleeve you realized how ugly you probably looked. She sat beside you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. "What's going on?" She softly asked, a muffled whisper was your answer. "I'm helpless. Completely and utterly helpless. It took me 3 hours to see something I should've seen within 4 minutes, you guys can't even look at me when I talk anymore and Hotch won't let me out of your sight." By the end of your rant you were sobbing again and standing. Prentiss sitting in the same spot completely baffled. She stood up and grabbed your shoulders and forced you to stop pacing. "Look at me Y/n," You slowly met her gaze, Emily couldn't help but notice how beautiful you looked. Snot faced and all. Your eyes shined perfectly and your hair fell perfectly around your face. "You are not helpless. You are needed on this team, you are wanted here. If you left us Y/n/n," She made a big gesture to the door, "This team would fall apart. We all love you so much. Okay?" The tears fell faster than you could catch them. You nodded and fell into her embrace. A couple tears fell from Emily's eyes as she tightly hugged you. It pained her to know you were hurting. "Please never leave me Y/n. I need you." You nodded and hugged her tighter.

The two of you stood there for what felt like hours, you crying into her chest as she held you close and whispered sweet things into your ear. You eventually pulled away from her and looked at her face, "Em! Were you crying!" She chuckled and grabbed your cheeks, "Yes but I'm okay now, because you're gonna stay with me until you feel better." You smiled and brought your hands up to meet hers on your face. You weren't thinking before pressing your lips on hers. She immediately responded and grabbed your neck. The kiss felt like the pieces of your life being put back together. As you pulled apart you took a deep breath. "Emily you are the only reason I'm still breathing. I've always held out hope that you were as hopelessly in love me as I am with you." A stray tear left her eye and you immediately wiped it away. She pressed another quick kiss to your lips. She grabbed your hands, "Let's go catch this guy huh?" You nodded and walked back to the round table room hand in hand.

[firebenderwolf]

Hurting (Manual Guzman/Sad Eyes x Reader)

(Trigger Warning - Self Harm. As someone who suffers from depression and self harming, there is help for you! My DM is always open if you need to talk!)

Pathetic. Stupid. Ugly. Bitch. The words just echoed in your head as you stare into the mirror in the restroom. Manual was out with the Santos making sure everything was good in the hood. He's been spending a lot more time with them lately. Maybe cause he doesn't wanna spend time with you. The voice says once again in your mind. You clench your eyes shut hoping the voice with shut up. He's probably with a hyna or two. Doesn't want to be with you. The voice says once again as tears start flowing your face. You wipe them away as you turn the water on for the bath as you sit and watch the tub fill with water. Once it gets to a satisfied level you turn the water off and slowly take off your clothes leaving you in a tank top and underwear. You didn't know why you wanted to keep them on, but you felt better with them on. You slowly get in the water, the warmness enveloping you as you lay down with your head peaking out as well as your knees. You felt wetness on your face then you realized it was your tears streaming down your face. You reached with a dripping wet hand and opened the cabinet by the tub, pulling out a small container of small metal rectangular pieces. Your blades. You been cutting yourself on and off for the past few years, and Manual hasn't really ever noticed. Well that was in part because of how well you hid your cuts until they were mostly healed and were hardly noticable. You picked a blade from the container and extended out your other arm, gently dragging the blade. It wasn't causing any harm per se but the sensation of the dragging made you feel almost relieved. Then you gently pressed down on your arm and dragged the blade in, causing a thin red line to be made. You couldn't feel anything, it felt as though you were numb. You continued that process over and over again, until your arm was littered with red lines, some were a light red others a dark red. You didn't even know that you were crying until a tear fell on the cut causing a hiss to escape your lips. Little droplets of blood were falling off your arms into the water, where they made ripples of red. You closed your eyes, exhausted from your pain, both externally and internally.

Manual pulled into the driveway. He finished business with Oscar and the Santos earlier than normal. The Prophets have been tagging on Santos territory more than ever so there was a cause for concern. Manual was exhausted from the day so he didn't think much when you walked in the house and you weren't on the couch watching Netflix. It wasn't until he was about to walk into the two of yours room by the bathroom when he smelled the smell. He smelled the smell far to often with his life in the Santos but he never wished he would smell that smell in his personal life with you. Smell of Blood. He went and opened the door to the restroom and his heart stopped mid-beat. There you were sleeping in the tub filled with water that was now mixed with some of your blood. He then saw your arms and froze again, your arms were littered with cuts, now mostly all had dried blood on them. He immediately kneeled down by you and placed his hands on your face. "Amor, princess wake up." He gently tapped your face over and over again. "Damn Y/N come on." He said as he tapped your face again, harder than before. That got you to stir a little as you opened your eyes and was met with his brown eyes. "Manual?" You squeaked out. "I'm here." He says as tears started flowing down your face once again. "I'm sorry." You murmer out as he shakes his head. "We'll talk about that in a minute amor. Let's get you out of here." He says as he drains the water from the tub and helps you out. He sets you down on the counter by the sink and takes out the first aid kit. It felt weird. Usually you would be using the first aid kit on him, now he was using it on you. He delicately cleaned the cuts and wrapped bandages around your arm, neither of you muttering a word. You looked down the whole time and once Manual finishes bandaging your arms he sets the kit down and in a flash punches the wall.

You flinch at the punch as you fight tears from spilling. "Why?" He asks as you don't answer him. "Y/N. Why?" He asks as he comes close to you, gently moving your wet hair from your face. "I'm not worth it." He looks at you in confusion as you look down. "I'm not worth anything. I'm nothing but a worthless, pathetic piece of shit." She says looking down. His eyes widen a little at the way you talked about yourself. "That is not true amor. You know what you are to me?" You look down at your hands and arms. "I'm nothing." She says as he kisses your head gently. "You are something amor. To me. You are my whole word amor." He says kissing your head again. Tears are falling from your eyes as you cry. He gently pulls you in for a gentle but firm hug. "You are my everything amor. I love with all I have even more. You mean the world to me." He says as he gently wipes your tears away as you cry. "I'm sorry." You cry out. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I should be apologising. I should have been there for you and I wasn't. I'm sorry." He says as he gently kisses your forehead. "Come on, let's get you dried and changed." He says helping you off the counter

Soon you are dried and changed into some sweats and one of his black shirts. You both are lying on the couch, you lying against his side, his arm around you. He is putting Netflix on as you are covered in a blanket. "How long?" He asks. "Few years." You answer. "Fuck." He says leaning foward with his hands on his face. "I didn't even know." He says as he wipes a tear or two away. "I hid them from you." You say as you reach for his arm. He leans and kisses you gently but firmly. You kiss him back. "Don't you ever do this again amor. Please. You feel like this you talk to me." You nod. "Promise?" He asks "Promise." You say as you kiss him again. You two break apart and he puts on The Last Airbender, one since it's your favorite show and two it night be his favorite show, but the Santos will never know.

Gif Credit : @merakiaes

[kingdomsaurushearts]

Hnnng... Some Self Indulgent Vanitas drabble.

I'll probably go over it later and add some more actual story , but I needed to get out the main idea~ (I wanted to add Roxas to this too, so consider this a rough draft lmao)

--

It's barely been a full day since their return, but his suit was already chafing. Vanitas huffed as he discreetly scratched under his tricep where the dark material seemed to be mercilessly pinching him. He'd be loath to admit it aloud, but he really wanted out of the confine of these damned garments.

But there was just three things holding him back from stripping into the nude.

 For one, unfamiliar territory. Dragged to Density Islands into the Hero of Light's home, where he was almost assaulted with what Sora claims was a hug by his mother. 

Two, Ven and Sora were probably trying to pick out what he was going to wear right now, and that's punishment in itself.

 And then, there was his skin. He wasn't ready to see it.

A replica body, they gave him. It was to reflect the heart inhabiting it, and with all the baggage that came with it. At least he assumed so.

Xion assured him that the body will be what it's supposed to, her smile was so genuine and something in her eyes sparkled as she tugged at the hem of her skirt. He wasn't sure what to make of that.

He huffed in frustration, silently dreading the moment to come, but also willing it to come faster. Wanting to be rid of the fabric he was born in… the one that man-

"Here you go Vani!" Sora's bright, cheerful voice eliminating whatever dark thoughts were to cross his mind. "We decided to grab on of Riku's shirts for you. Funnily enough, you're bigger than both Ven and I! So our clothes might be a bit tight on you. But I still brought a pair of pants I never wear, I hope that's ok!"

"And, we'll go shopping for clothes of your own, once we get you settled in." Ventus added timidly. He's still a little wary around his darker half, but he's making an effort.

Taking the clothes from Sora's hands, grumbling what could be mistaken as a 'thank you,' and headed to the restroom where a hot bath had been drawn, by his mother no doubt. 

His senses are stimulated by steam humidifying the small room, the relaxing scent of whatever oils were used, and the warm light of the fixture on the ceiling. 

Placing the borrowed clothing on the counter, he looked up. And for the first time he can recall in recent memory, he saw his own reflection. He didn't appear as bad as he felt. Which was only a bit surprising. 

He was good at fooling everyone, even himself, into thinking that he was perfectly fine on the surface, when underneath was screaming and burning. 

Biting the inside of his cheek, he leaned in closer to the mirror to investigate himself. He had hardly believed his brothers when they said his eyes were the shade of rubies. 

Yet, there they were, staring back at him. He'd rather call it 'Unversed Red' since now he matched his inner demon's aesthetics. 

His stare scanned the edges of his hairline, the bridge of his nose, chapping lips, along his jaw and landed on the edges where suit met skin. 

"Now or never…" tugging his fingers along the crease, he began pulling it away from his neck. It fell apart, coming undone in a sickening unnatural way. Black threads snapping and slipping away, fading into hairline wisps of smoke. 

He turned away from the mirror and made headway for the tub, the suit taking its own initiative into dispersing. Until down to his waist. 

Kneeling down, he reached into the water to feel the temperature with his now bare hand only to immediately pull it back, his heart in his throat as he stares dumbfounded at his own appendage. 

Clear. Unmarked. Smooth, clean skin. 

His entire arm tenses and his fingers shake as he brings his other hand to trace up from his knuckles, wrists, forearm- he glanced down at his chest. 

Nothing. There wasn't a single, ugly, carved scar in sight. Not even the first one, from the day he was ripped from his light. 

He covered his mouth as a sob threatened to hiccup from his throat. But that didn't stop the tears he had been trying to hold onto all day. 

They poured freely from his eyes, his cries seeping out, unable to hold them back.

 He didn't notice the door opening and closing, and the two bodies that had joined him on the floor until one touched his shoulder. Sora gave a knowing and gentle look, and from the corner of his eye, Ventus holding a small Flood that undoubtedly formed and alerted them.

They didn't say a word. Only sat in silence, in an odd comforting kind of way, until Vanitas was able to find his voice.

"They're gone… all of them. Every mark He ever left on me, every nick, and cut. Every slice and stab from His damned keyblade…" hiccups and hard breathing breaking up his words.

"He… He's gone… He doesn't have me anymore… no longer controls me… I'm… I'm free." 

Unable to hold himself up, he keels over and grips the side of the basin while releasing everything his uncompleted heart held onto for all those years. Years of abuse, torment, slavery, lies and broken promises. 

The constant coldness encapsulating him melting away, feeling the warmth he yearned for every night on the frigid grounds of the graveyard.

His hands grip harder, finding fabric instead of ceramic. Arms held firmly, but gently around him. Holding him close. He can hear a familiar heart beat against his ear. 

Breathing coming to a calm, he glances to see Ventus. His light, his other half, his brother, gently gazing down at him. A reassuring smile as a hand gently caresses the strands of hair at his nape. 

Sora tending the frazzled Flood in turn, and rubbing small circles on its back. A welcome comfort, albeit indirectly, but Vanitas felt it all the same.

His eyes shut briefly and the next hour or so is hazy. He recalls enjoying his bath, but was too tired to recollect everything that had transpired after crying himself empty. 

A shirt that swallowed him. Conversations that he won't remember until the morning, a goodnight kiss on his head from someone he might as well start calling mother. 

Being dragged onto a pile of blankets and pillows in a blanket fort haphazardly thrown together in an impromptu "slumber party,"  Sora's words.

He chuckles quietly as his two brothers debate over who should sleep in the middle, while he decides to just plop himself between the two, grumbling at them to just go to sleep.

They finally settled in, a large comforter spread across the three of them. Chatting and bickering in hushed voices, "sleepover etiquette," Ven's words. 

While he won't really remember what they talked about that night, he'll remember that feeling swelling in his chest as sleep took him over. 

The remnants of his consciousness just barely catching the gestures of two arms draping over him, and even quieter voices. One of many genuine smiles to come graced his features. 

"Goodnight, Vanitas."

[soldierallen]

Married. 6

Warnings: crying, arguing, few curse words, asking for sex?.

Featuring: Sebastian Stan, Henry Cavill, Anthony Mackie, Chris Evans, Alexandra Daddario.

A/N: thanks for all the love and support I really appreciate this and all the love that has been giving over these weeks also something funny Henry cavill is coming out with a new movie his costar...? Alexandra Daddario! We love that for us I actually really love Alexandra Daddario and she's SUCH A villain in this series but hey you have to have one

Part 5:

÷

As he got into the car and drove like a mad man he was so angry he wanted nothing more than to break her heart like she broke his fiancé he felt he couldn't take it anymore when He got there and had to walk up that flight of stairs...

○○○○○○○

"Did you have to get an apartment with stairs and also live three stories up" Sebastian said holding a box filled with books/magiznes

"Listen asshole, it's a cheap rent and I don't have a lot of money, Daddy's trustfund doesn't exist for me like it did for you" she rolled her eyes at him

"Okay listen that's absolutely not my fault my step father is loaded I'm his only son" Sebastian said with a smirk on his lips he eyed y/n up and down from behind her

"You're an asshole" Henry said right behind seb with a box in his hands

"I totally agree Seb shut up" Anthony said holding a box and it sorta falling he quickly grabbed it

"Anthony do not drop that box sebastian's mothers vase is in it" she said everyone rolled their eyes they hated that ugly vase but it symbolized "purity & forgiveness"

"Chris" she yelled out as everyone walked up the stairs not hearing Chris or seeing him

"Yeah I'm getting tired" he yelled, they finally got to the last three steps into her apartment

"I hate these damn steps, how long have you been living here" Sebastian said putting the box down in her place taking the back of his hand and wiping his forehead like a jerk.

"Its been 20 minutes you asshole" she laughed, he pulled her in them facing each other both out of breath "You're always here for me I can't deny how grateful I am for all four of you" she said trying to catch her breath from the stairs "whenever you need me, I'll be there I promise." He said with a light in his eyes.

○○○○○○○○

"Sebastian" Y/n said she wasn't prepared for him to be in her home in the first place.

"You've got some nerve" he was pulled out of his memories, not even realizing he knocked on her door

"What?" Her voice got high not excepting those words to come out his mouth he welcomed himself in being angry he didn't want to be but he was.

"You threatened her that you were going to ruin the wedding because you're in love with me" he said using his arms to get his point across he was mad in the car however He never wanted to ruin things between them.

She was flabbergasted, the words he spoke took her by such surprise she actually took a step backwards, he knew her feelings and didn't even care to talk about them to?

"Do you really-" her words not coming out properly "what did she say to you?" She closed the door to her apartment turning around and facing her

"You're not coming to the wedding because you're going to ruin the wedding! You're going to throw away our friendship because of your feelings?" He yelled getting angrier by the seconds

"Hold on you're gonna throw all of this on me that it's my fault?" She yelled loudly her apartment walls felt like they were shaking

"Since the beginning i knew you hated her I didn't know why until now...you're just a selfish little cry baby that can't take rejection" he never wanted to show her this side of him, his anger was pouring out of his ears his face turning different colors as he spoke, her heart was demolished at this point.

"I can take rejection, but I bet you can't take not being good enough because guess what your "wife" cheated on you, and she has been for months" her words steadily coming out like knives she didn't know she had it in her to be this devious keeping these lies for so long.

"She'd never do that to me you're a liar" not excepting those words to come out her mouth, his face soften trying to understand

"for months she's been leaving your HOME to cheat on you with another man how does that feel" she said feeling the heat rise in her entire body

His thoughts were racing

"No you're lying stop you're just trying to break us apart" He said his anger flooded his mind once again she handed him the check that was already in her pocket she pulled out her cellphone as well

"She gave this to me to stop talking to you, she threaten my job, our relationship" he sat down them both next to each other as he read the check, his eyes he felt were deceiving him

he insisted she was lying "No this is fake you're a lunatic!"

"Her "cousin" "Peter" is actually a man named Robbie she stood at Henry's hotel to stay with him for the night, she got caught and came home that night because of us" she said her voice not raised anymore they didn't look at each other they looked Straight ahead at a blank tv

"I have proof of all of it, I have witnesses I wasn't going to tell you if I didn't know and than yesterday I got her confession, Sebastian you can't marry her I forbid it"

"Let me hear it" he stared blankly with no emotion showing he took his leather jacket off, getting himself ready

"Sebastian take precaution before you liste-"

"Let me hear it"

She turned on her phone unlocking it going into her apps and pressing play

"Tell me one thing, why are you leading him on like this why are you... destroying him like this Sebastian could have such a full life"

"It's like playing with toys, you have the one toy you love bring it everywhere with you show it off it means the world to you without it you don't know what would happen, but then you come home and you see that one doll you bought awhile ago it's not the prettiest in the bunch, if anyone knew you liked the old doll better they would call you a hoarder you don't want to be a hoarder so you throw everything out and only have the nice pretty thing in front of you but right behind your closet door sits the doll you've loved your entire life"

His head spinned he wasn't sure how to take this, he felt his chest closing in on him she put her hand on his bicep "seb please" she begged for him to let out his thoughts he stood up quickly

"do you realize what's going to happen to me" He said she sat still looking up at him as he freaked out

"I bought a house with this women, i-i spent thousands of dollars on a wedding I still am in love with her I came here to stop you...not to stop my own marriage" he felt like he was going to be sick.

"And you're still going to marry her..." She stood in silence awaiting his reply.

"Do I have another choice" he said, he felt the blood in his vains run cold.

"Yes Sebastian you do have a choice! you can't marry her you can't do this to yourself and to me" she was going to cry she felt that ball in her throat it was going to happen soon

"I can't stop now, too much time money and sweat went into this I can't just give up" His words were final. he felt like he was going to cry as he put back his jacket

"If you marry her Sebastian, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you... after all this time and you still haven't seen what she is I showed you so much evidence and its STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH I'm never good enough for you" she was crying, and he tried so hard not to but a few tears landed on his shirt

"I don't wanna lose you you're a part of me; you're good enough you're best women I've ever met in my life" he said he felt like he was losing a piece of his personality, his life. Her

"Than don't marry her, we'll figure it out we'll fix this seb" she cried wiping her tears "we can't fix it" he cried "something broken can always be fixed" her words came out, he nodded his head he turned around and walked out the door shutting behind him she threw the pillow that was in her arms length at the door tears poured out of her eyes she was so mad and angry she didn't know what to do with it she laid on her floor in a ball crying for hours, her thoughts in her mind was only

Why doesn't he love me? Why am I not good enough? He knows she's a cheater and he's still going to marry her?, more questions and what if's sat in her mind making her cry that night she cried herself, that night Sebastian screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs crying out all of his frustration on the hill he fell in love with y/n at, no other person would ever compare to her he thought why am I still going through with this? What is wrong with Me? He cried and cried trying to figure out why he was like this he texted his friends telling them everything that happened.

-

Today had made 2 days until the wedding, her friendship with Sebastian no longer existed, it was 12pm she woke up in tears once again she hated everything wanted to see nobody, "why am I not good enough for him"

"Y/n open the door" Henry said knocking loudly she laid on her floor still from the night before crying

"I am here to so is Chris" Anthony said he let out a breath ready to talk to his best friend about his other best friend who is a fucking jerk.

"I don't wanna see anyone please go home to your families and leave me alone" she said muffled in a pillow as her crying made her face swollen, her eyes throb & body weak.. it's never been like this before heartbreak as never felt like this before.

"I don't have anyone you're my family, you know that sweetheart we love you please open the door" Henry said in his sweetest voice, Henry knew her weakspots

"I hate you for making me feel bad when I already feel bad" her face was squished up against her pillow on the carpeted floor fully clothed from the night before shoes and everything

"Open the door" Chris said she got up and unlocked the door the three men walking in her body shaking as she made her way back into her positioned

them three always made themselves at home at her place

Chris turned on the tv and sat next to her Anthony went to the bathroom and Henry fixed himself a bowl of cereal

she laid her face into the carpet instead of the pillow from previously, her body curled into a ball she's never felt like this she started crying again "Downey wants to see me at the office tonight but I have absolutely no strength to get up or be a human" she cries her breathing not catching up with her cries

"Hey" Chris said rubbing her back "I can't breathe I feel like I can't breath" she said "I know" he said Anthony came out the bathroom and sat next to her as well she put her head in his lap

"Anthony, what am I gonna do" he pushed the hair out of her face she sniffles looking up at him "What we always do Get through it, We love you he chose to marry her and ruin your friendship he's an asshole who doesn't deserve you" he said Henry and Chris nodding along to what Anthony said

"You deserve friends who are going to be there for you through thick and thin we'll always be here for you no matter what"

"Henry you had that date" she realized getting up half way "I cancelled" "and Chris you had the wedding arrangements with jen" "pushed it back" "Anthony the game" "over early"

"You didn't have to-" Henry put his finger on his lips for her to be quiet she rolled her eyes at him still tears falling rapidly she couldn't stop crying

"We're always going to come, you introduced me to my wife she knows Jennie knows you and whoever Henry gets married to in the future is going to have to deal with you too, you're a part of us our sister always" Anthony said

"don't give up on us" Chris patted her leg for reassurance "I'm sorry" she apologized for crying

"Hey you haven't had a good breakdown in a while" Chris laughed she tried to smile through the tears she sat upwards not laying on Anthony, Henry finally done with his food he came in the living room, sitting on the floor with us "I have a meeting with Downey at 5"

"I'll help you get ready later like old times, seven hours until than relax okay" Henry said kissing her temple trying to soothe her as much as he could

"I love you guys" she sniffles making Henry give the softest smile he put his head on her shoulder "we love you" Chris said rubbing her back still

They all sat together for one hour not one word spoken watching episodes of friends not saying a word to each other Henry ordered Chinese and everyone mostly ate in silence except for a small debate about football coming in contact for a few minutes, she just watched them she knew nothing about sports not because nobody would teach her she just wasn't into it, she sat and realized to herself this is my family I wouldn't be in this place this life without them and the influence they've brought in my life

She got up and cleaned whatever mess was made taking a shower and got ready for a meeting with Downey Henry helping her guiding her along the way he sa outside the door waiting for her "hurry up" he knocked on the door knowing if she stayed any longer she'd start thinking about him

"You're all welcome to stay as long as you want" she put a key on the coffee table "lock my door" she hugged the men they hugged back "watch yourself pay attention to the road no texting and text me when you get there so I know you're okay" Henry said letting go of his hug shoving his hands in his pockets

"Of course, don't buy porn on my cable" the boys laughed at her joke walking out

Maybe she wasn't going to be a mess anymore he was finally out of her life, no more arguing or being a shoulder to cry on, however her feelings were never gonna go away she's never been in tremendous love before she looks at him she gets butterflies when she touches his hand she feels sparks. Why couldn't it be her.

She got into her car, she sat there crying.. why do men treat me like this? Am I just a pawn in their games or what?

'

Sebastian woke up in his bed next to the women he was marrying in two days he wanted nothing from her or her anymore, he knew the truth she was cheater a liar

"Why are you staring at me" she said with her eyes closed

"Just admiring what a manipulative person you are" were the words he wanted so badly to come out his mouth but the real words were "just admiring your beauty that's all" he fake smiled and she opened her eyes kissing his lips he didn't recopcaite

"Seb is there something..wrong?" She paused

"No everything's great just.. fine" he got up to go to the bathroom when she pulled him back "come on let's break in this new bed" she snuggled into his arm "I'm really not in the mood for that"

"Oh come on seb please"

"I said no" he gently took her hand off his arm and went into the bathroom, he wanted nothing to do with her why is continuing to do this to himself??

Tagged: @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandom @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace @racheo91

[deedillinger1]

Verse Two Deep in love, we gettin matchin hearts, we even get our names Thinkin we'll be happy but our hate it still remains the same Game i blame, leavin all this pain, when we seem recovered Fightin starts again, no end, i swear this bitch she feed off drama Never seem to leave eachother, no one else could be my lover Fam they fkin hate me, i act crazy, when she see her mama Leave my daughter, want to but my heart is so invested, When i walk away i get a message with a sex pic Molested, like a sex pest, she gave the best sex When the sex is over, we gettin in domestics Love was raw, but fkin toxic, livin on narcotics So exhausted, but our love was hotter than the tropics When in public leavin others nauseous, feelin so important Livin cautious, gotta cut our losses, but i find her gorgeous  Could we ever love eachother if we both so mental? family is mad at me, im sneakin through her window fallin down the sinkhole, stupid habits, livin savage Landed me in prison, should of listened, this a second laggin Feelin so abandoned, she would visit, if she could She in trouble with the law, she sittin lost at villawood Didnt think that prison could, break us two apart Loved her so with all my heart, should of married from the start,  Would of been a citizen, im livin in imprisonment Sendin letters back & forth, she makin a decision when How long are you lookin at? I dont know its maybe 5 Dont think i can wait that long, ill see you on the otherside Time it passes by, l wanna cry, still we sendin letters Love you till forever esther, me forget ya, never ever Get a letter, this time it arrivin from her country, With her digits, i cant ring it, overseas no money Send a letter back, tell her that, i was stupid Dont wanna steal your youth, cause the truth, is so fruitless Fuck bein ruthless, your better with another guy Wanted you as a wife, you the love of my life But we fight, dont reply, beggin you, please dont cry Gotta write, know i tried, gotta say goodbye, Verse 3 I try my best to forget her, but its harder than it seems, Especially, when memories, are hauntin in my dreams, Seems so fkin real, somethin feels, wierd to me I realise im in jail & im wakin from my sleep Its kinda wierd, when good dreams, they are fuckin with ya mood You feel so fkin happy, when you wake up you feel doomed, One day we will meet again, our promises believin in Pickin up the pieces, and my heart it starts to beat again Many years she on my mind, and all the things i wanna say, Gonna pray, for when im out, im gonna see her warmest face On this day, i see the hate has gone away, we conversate, Years this fkin pause i wait, i gotta say, i love you babe I go home, need to let her know, search into my phone Find her name on facebook, im so grateful, till my heart is broke Lookin at her photos, and i wonder this a fuckin joke? All these years i thought about her, but she with another bloke Losin hope, so loop the rope, it bitter like the taste of wine It was all a waste of time, I wish i could erase my mind Feel like i should load & aim a nine, to my brain & die, Mix of love & hate combined, i wish for time & play rewind When i made her mine, she promised me, we'd always be together On the day im granted freedom, feelin lonelier than ever Ugly like a cosby sweater, thought she better, fine with that Hate her thighs & ass, smile & laugh, l hate her eyes that trap Hate the fkin bitch, im fkin done with her lies, I jump in the ride, they horrified, im drunk when i drive Cut as sharp as a knife, she probably make a cunt of a wife But at the same time she still the love of my life ; PAUSE When done for my crimes, im prison locked, i was sad & live in rot wonder how long did she stop, to give a fuck, & pissin off Feelin shock, but then again, its what i knew expected Though it for the best, my heart is hurting, so invested She promised she would love me, for the rest of this & next life Ill never love again, she move on faster than the jetstrike Blood sucking parasite, s