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somerandomwriter1234 · 5 years ago

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Girl Meets World Fanfiction: Girl Meets Reality Chapter 1

Summary: A science experiment goes wrong and sends Riley and Maya to an alternate universe where their lives are a TV show called Girl Meets World. In this strange world, Riley and Maya watch clips of their lives in TV show form, meet actresses Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter, look up fanfiction and fan art involving them (yeah, nothing bad could happen from that), but more importantly: discover how their lives made a much bigger difference than they ever could have thought.

Chapter 1:

Early one morning Riley and Maya walked into Farkle's bedroom and saw him working on a large metallic device shaped like a circle with a computer attached to it. Riley then said, "Okay Farkle. We got here as soon as we could. What do you have to show us?" An excited Farkle then said, "Okay guys. Don't freak out. But with Smackle's help... I think I may have discovered a way to access alternate universes." A confused looking Maya then said, "Alter-what's-it?" Farkle then said, "Other worlds. It's the multiverse theory. The idea that: what if people made different choices in the past, and it resulted in worlds similar to ours but different." Maya then said, "Ohhhhhh... I still don't get it." Riley then said, "Well I'm proud of you Farkle. So how does it work?" Farkle then said, "Well it's still untested technology so don't..." Riley then pressed a large button near Farkle's computer as she said, "Ooo. Shiny!" Farkle then finished his sentence by yelling... "Don't touch anything!" Suddenly a large vortex appeared near the machine and right in front of Riley and Maya. Riley and Maya then instantly got sucked inside as they yelled, "Whoa!" Then within seconds... Riley and Maya were gone.

Riley and Maya suddenly appeared in the bedroom but Farkle was gone. As Riley looked around she said, "Wait. What happened? Where's the vortex? Where's Farkle?" Maya then said, "More importantly... where's the fourth wall?" Riley and Maya then saw in front of them was a TV sound studio with empty seats for a potential studio audience. Riley then said, "When did Farkle's room get so much bigger?" Maya then said, "More like why did someone build a re-creation of Farkle's bedroom in a TV studio? Come on. Lets look around." Riley and Maya then walked around the studio and found an exit door. The two girls walked outside and saw a bright outdoor sky and parking plot. Riley then said, "Well at least we're still in New York. Look at all of those buildings and... Wait. This isn't New York. Where are we?" Maya then said, "I've seen pictures of this place. Riley... I think we're in Los Angeles." A freaked out looking Riley then said, "We were transported to the other side of the country!? Oh man. How are we gonna get back?" Maya then looked at her phone and said, "Well however we're gonna do it, it won't involve our phones. I got no cell service." Riley then looked at her phone and said, "Me neither. Come on. Maybe we can use a computer or phone at that mall over there." Maya then noticed a mall not far away, and then she and Riley headed over towards it.

Riley and Maya began walking through a mall together. As they walked, several people began to make quick stares at them. Riley then said, "Maya, is it me, or are people starring at us?" Maya then said, "Eh. We're east coast girls. West coast folk probably think we smell weird." Suddenly a little preschool girl ran up to Riley and Maya and said, "Hey. Is it really you? Are you really Riley and Maya?" A surprised Riley then said, "Um... yes. How do you know us?" The little girl then said, "I love your show. It's the only thing I used to watch on Netflix. Can I get both your autograph?" A surprised looking Maya then said, "Um... sure." Riley and Maya then began to sign a piece of paper the little girl had as Riley said, "Is she talking about our old middle school news broadcasts?" Maya then said, "I guess. Didn't know the school had a deal with Netflix though." An adult woman then walked over to the three and said, "There you are Stacy, and... Oh wow. You're the ladies from my daughter's favorite show." Riley waved and said, "Hi. Nice to meet you." The little girl then got the piece of paper back and said, "Look mommy. They signed it." The adult woman smiled as she looked at it and said, "Aww. They signed it in character. That's cute." The adult woman and little girl walked away as Maya said, "Well this keeps getting stranger."

Riley and Maya then walked into a book store as Riley said, "Well maybe we can hook into the wi-fi here. How about getting a smoothie at the cafe first? My treat." Maya smiled as she said, "Thanks. But you're already my treat." Riley smiled as she went over to the cafe counter and said, "Two banana smoothies please." A young adult woman at the counter looked at Riley and Maya as she said, "Oh my gosh. Oh wow. I can't believe this. Listen, I know it must feel weird for a 27 year old to be saying this, but I love your show so much." Riley glanced at Maya as she whispered, "I had no idea so many people across the country were watching our morning announcements." The young woman then said, "I watched your show every Friday night with my niece and it meant so much to her, and some episodes even really touched me. We were both so devastated when Disney canceled Girl Meets World." A wide eyed Riley then said, "Girl Meets What?" The young woman then said, "Anyway, I'm sorry. I'll stop bothering you. Hey. Whatever you want, it's on the house." A confused looking Riley then said, "Uh... thank you."

As Riley and Maya sat in a corner booth by themselves Riley said, "Maya... has the world gone mad? Why are people treating us like celebrities? And why did that woman talk about Disney canceling our show? Wait... could we be in an alternate universe that Farkle's invention sent us to?" Maya who was looking at her phone said, "Way ahead of you. I had a feeling we were pretty far from home, and I got into this place's wi-fi and remembered the girl mentioning a show called Girl Meets World, so I searched for it and... well... look." Maya then held her phone up towards Riley and Riley's eyes got wide as she looked at the screen. There Riley saw pictures posted of her friends and family next to a large logo that said Girl Meets World. Then Riley looked at a description box and read it as she said, "According to this: Girl Meets World is an American comedy television series created by Michael Jacobs and April Kelly that aired on Disney Channel from June 27, 2014 to January 20, 2017. The series is a spinoff of Boy Meets World and stars Rowan Blanchard as Riley Matthews, Sabrina Carpenter as Maya Hart, and... Hold on. Our lives a TV show in this world!?" Maya then said, "Apparently. We even have our own theme song. Check it out." Maya then started a video clip of the Girl Meets World theme song. As it played Riley look at it and said, "What? How did they get this video footage? Have they been stalking us!? This... this is too weird!?"

About an hour later, Riley and Maya were hidden in a very isolated part of the book store sitting on the floor still looking at their phones. Maya then said, "Wow, watching these clips sure feels creepy. It's like some stalkers set up hidden camera all around our bedrooms, classrooms, and favorite hang out spots." A scared looking Riley then said, "Oh no. The episodes don't include scenes of me taking my hour long morning shower do they?" Maya made a little smile as she said, "No honey, this is apparently a family show. Although judging from the comments in some of these video clips, there are some guys that wish they could've seen that... and some girls." Riley then said, "I just don't get it. Who would want to watch a TV series about our lives? I mean I wasted all of third grade just tripping all of the time because I couldn't tie my shoes. Who would want to see that?" As Maya continued to look up information on the show she said, "It's not our whole lives Riley. Just from the beginning of 7th grade to the middle of 9th. Apparently the show ended right after your mom decided not to move to London." Riley then said, "Wait. Why did our show end?" Maya then said, "Apparently a reasonable explanation was never given from Disney and fans started a huge campaign to save the series. On social media the day it ended, it was apparently the second highest trending topic worldwide behind only the 2017 presidential inauguration." A wide eyed Riley said, "Worldwide!? How popular was our show!?" Maya then said, "Well the premiere got just over five million viewers in the USA, but it's apparently been aired worldwide, so we may have been watched by over 100 million fans at some point or another."

Riley then slouched back in her chair as she said, "A hundred million people!? My Harajuku phase, first kiss with Lucas, and paint fight with you was seen by over 100 million people!?" Maya then said, "Well if it make you feels better, it wasn't technically you. In this world it was an actress named Rowan Blanchard." Riley then looked at a picture of herself as she said, "What!? I don't look like a Rowan!? That's a weird name for someone who looks like me." Maya then said, "Tell me about it. I can't believe my face belongs to some actress in this world named Sabrina Carpenter. What kind of name is that anyway? It sounds like the name of some cartoon cat who's a handy-woman." Then Riley said, "Who are these two girls anyway? Lets look them up." Maya then said, "Well, lets see. According to this: Rowan Blanchard on top of acting, is also a public activist in areas such as feminism, human rights, and gun violence." Riley then said, "Whoa. And according to this: Sabrina Carpenter is an accomplished actress and singer, with multiple hit albums and sold out tours." A wide eyed Maya then said, "What!? No. That's gotta be fake." Riley then said, "Well it is hard to sort out which news sources are more reliable on this alternate world. I know. Let me search what's real and what's fake on this Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter and see what's the real deal with them and... Huh? Is that... OH MY GOSH!" A worried Maya then said, "What!?" Riley then said, "Oh God. Whatever you do: don't image search our actress' names and the word fake next to them." Maya then glanced at Riley's phone and said, "Oh my gosh. That is so messed up... Your boobs are way more bigger than that in real life." Riley then began pressing buttons on her phone fast as she said, "Ahh! Delete internet history! Delete internet history!"

Later Riley and Maya were walking through the mall again as Riley said, "It's just so weird Maya. For so long: my life was just... my life. And now I learn in some alternate universe... it's been watched and studied by millions of people." Maya then said, "It's not us Riley. It's just stories being performed by two girls who look like us... and who are smarter than us... more famous than us... and way more talented than us." A concerned looking Riley then said, "You okay, Peaches?" Maya then said, "Yeah. It's just... I always wished more people paid attention to my art. And to see a world where another version of me has her art adored by millions of people... it's amazing but still very strange." Suddenly a man ran over to Maya and said, "You. You're supposed to be on stage in fifteen minutes. Why aren't you in hair and makeup?" A confused Maya then said, "What?" The man then said, "Oh. Miss Blanchard. Nice to see you. I suppose she's hanging out with you today?" Maya then said, "Um..." The man then said, "Come on. Lets go." The man then quickly led Maya over to a closed door and let her and Riley in. The man then said, "Apologies for not getting your sooner. It's just I was told you were already here and... Wait. What?" Suddenly everyone stopped as Riley and Maya saw walking around a corner in makeup were actresses Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter. All of the girls stopped walking as they looked at each other. Rowan Blanchard then looked at Sabrina Carpenter as she said, "Sabrina, what is going on?" Riley then looked at Maya as she said, "Oh boy. This sure got complicated."

TO BE CONTINUED...

*Author's Note - This story was co-written with fanfic writer: Just a Complicated Person. So what did you all think of this tale so far? Feel free to leave a comment or message with your thoughts, and feel free to share what should happen next, along with what other corners of the Girl Meets World online fandom that Riley and Maya should discover. Until then, thanks for reading!

#girl meets world #girl meets world fanfiction #gmw fanfic #riley and maya #riley x maya #rilaya #rowbrina #rowan blanchard #sabrina carpenter #rowan blanchard x sabrina carpenter #girl meets world f #girl meets world fandom #gmw fandom

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soveryanon · 6 years ago

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Reviewing time for MAG132 /o/

- I can believe that we finally got the explanation of Daisy’s comments about her dreams and about Jon showing off a new shirt, but I can’t believe that it was something so logical RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES ALL ALONG, arceusdamnit………………… I had wondered for so long! Was it that Daisy was developing dark vision? Was it that Daisy was able to smell blood from somewhere (Jon) and assumed it was because of the shirt? Was it Daisy’s attempt at small talk? But damnit! Damnit!!

(MAG132) DAISY: Didn’t think it was real. Not really… Just my mind putting you there, because I h–hated you but… no. One night, you turn up in a new shirt. Didn’t fit you. Not your style. I didn’t think much of it, it was just a d–, a dream. Then you come back from the States and… guess what you’re wearing. ARCHIVIST: Oh… DAISY: Realised what was happening then.

(MAG112) BASIRA: I’m sorry, I just… I worry. DAISY: Worry about yourself. I’m fine. BASIRA: Are you sure? ‘Cause you look… [PAUSE] Are you sleeping? DAISY: Yeah. [PAUSE] Do you still have the dreams? BASIRA: Um, no? Not really. Not since we joined up here, I don’t think. You? DAISY: Yeah. BASIRA: They’re getting worse? DAISY: No, not, it’s just– … Doesn’t matter.

^That scene took place after she had gone to get Jon at the airport, come to get Basira because Jon wanted to talk to everyone (but Basira wasn’t done with her recording), and come back a second time to announce that Jon had left. So… Jon was probably wearing that shirt when she picked him up, hence her question to Basira about the dreams and the fact she interrupted herself – since Basira wasn’t having hers anymore, she couldn’t confirm or infirm?

(MAG114) DAISY: How long have you had that shirt? BASIRA: Um… ARCHIVIST: What? DAISY: That shirt. You get it in China? ARCHIVIST: Uh, A–America, I–I had to… borrow it, there was… there was blood. DAISY: Sure. BASIRA: Why? DAISY: Hmm.

… and as much as MAG112 and (at least the beginning of) MAG113 explicitly take place in a very short timeframe (Daisy explaining that the group is going to Gertrude’s storage unit / the group being in Gertrude’s storage unit), MAG114 is veryyyy unlikely to have taken place during the same day (since Jon had had the time to notice evidence of Tim’s comings-and-goings in the Archives from one day to another) and… Jon was wearing the shirt in MAG114. Likely “again”. Meaning: either he hadn’t changed since he came back from America (but other characters would have commented on that, I think), either he… consciously chose to wear a shirt that didn’t fit him, that wasn’t his style, multiple times afterwards, when he had choices about what to wear. Jon. J o n. (Given that Jon mentioned blood on his other clothes, that means that YEP, it probably was Max Mustermann’s blood, meaning it was when he was with Trevor&Julia. I don’t know which option is funnier: that he borrowed it from Julia, or from Trevor. Both are Excellent. Also, it’s not “borrow” if you’re not planning to give it back so were/are you planning to give it back, Jon. (He thought that Julia&Trevor were going to kill him if they noticed that he had removed Gerry’s page from the book before he managed to fly the heck out of America, and Jonathan “God, do I– Do I miss being chased?” Sims was planning to GIVE THE SHIRT BACK ANYWAY……))

- A bit like the end of MAG078, Jon displayed… various uses of the tapes? I always found interesting how tapes and tapes recorders have slowly and gradually been used in more elaborated settings, recordings getting concatenated or framing another one; here, we got a varied display of that:

(MAG132) [CLICK–] ARCHIVIST: [BREATHES] [WHISPERS:] … Alright. [TURNS ON ANOTHER TAPE PLAYER] DAISY’S RECORDED VOICE FROM MAG061: “It was a coffin. An old wooden coffin. Rough, unvarnished. I could see splinters where the nails had been hammered in badly. Wrapped all around it was a thick metal chain, ending in a heavy padlock. That weird moaning was coming from inside it. It was the only sound that cut through pounding rain.” [STOPS TAPE, EJECTS IT AND BOXES IT] [LOADS A SECOND TAPE] [CLICKS ON] ARCHIVIST: [INHALES] Hello, Melanie. […] I have her voice. I think that should be enough to find her, and I’m leaving my– … I’ll leave it with the tape. […] I’m not risking anyone else. And I know– … I–I think… I can get her out. [CLICK OFF THE SECOND TAPE RECORDER.] Right. You’re coming with me! [SHORT CHUCKLE] Let’s do this one properly.

Jon had his usual tape recorder (acknowledged, though he might not have been the one to activate it), and he used another one to replay Daisy’s statement from MAG061 describing the coffin, ejected it to keep it with him; then put in another tape to record himself in order to give a message to Melanie (and potentially Basira) to leave that tape behind him with his rib; and he took Daisy’s tape and his first tape recorder with him into the coffin.

- Which raises the obvious question: did Jon’s rib (MAG131: “Something I won’t miss.” J O N…) work as an anchor? He was feeling the rib less and less as he walked deeper in, he explicitly said that he was leaving it ~with a tape~, and the tape recorders were acting out at the end:

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: […] and I’m leaving my– … I’ll leave it with the tape. I should be able to find my way back to it… I think. […] I won’t… die of anything… down here… Not ever. Not if I… can’t find my way out. When I first came down, I could feel it, the, the part of myself I left outside, but… but it’s been getting… fainter, and now… I’m trying not to think about it. Don’t… don’t want to stretch my mind to try and see… in case it’s not there at all. I can’t afford to think about it. Not now. […] ARCHIVIST: It’s fine, I just… I just need to… to find it. DAISY: What? ARCHIVIST: Come on… Come on, where I… DAISY: Jon? ARCHIVIST: … Come on… [STATIC] [SHAKY BREATHING] […] [CLICK–] [STATIC RISING] ARCHIVIST: D–Daisy… DAISY: Uh, I’m, I’m here. ARCHIVIST: I can… I–It… it’s closer. DAISY: What is? ARCHIVIST: M–my, my… my anchor? My… A–a rib, I can f–, I can fee– … I know the way! [DIGGING SOUNDS] DAISY: Wh–what? H–how– ARCHIVIST: I don’t… It’s like… My mindlink is… it’s stronger…

So what was his anchor in the end? Was it still the rib, but the tape recorders made the connection stronger and acted a bit like a sonar or an amplifier? Was it the concept of statements? Recordings Jon did himself? Tape recorders in themselves? And who willed them there: was it Beholding’s doing (not wanting to lose its current Archivist forever now that he had Experienced The Buried like a good boy)? Was it Basira’s doing? (But she wasn’t in the office when Jon came out and was already screaming at him, so I got the impression that she might have just come back and Melanie had told her about Jon’s decision and/or had made her listen to Jon’s tape?) Was it Peter’s, Martin’s, someone else? Since it had sent MAG130’s tape for Jon: was it The Web’s?

(On this, personal mental picture/synaesthesia time, and I could be off, right? But when we have statements framing other statements, or voices from different statements overlapping… I can’t help but represent it to myself as a “web of voice(s)”? A transposition in audio format of what would visually be a cobweb, with threads stretching, reaching, intertwining to form a net?)

I have no idea what happened at the end, with all the recorders welcoming Jon back: it was a “WHAT” moment and, at the same time, almost felt like a logical escalation after what Jon did at the beginning of the episode. I’m 99% sure that I hear this sentence in the brouhaha:

(MAG071) KAROLINA GÓRKA: I kept my eyes shut and tried to relax, as the sound of twisting metal filled my ears.

(I’m way less confident about it, but I thiiink I might have recognized Jon’s and Gertrude’s voices in the mix?)

So: were they random tapes? Were they statements related to The Buried? Were they live-statements? … is there a chance that Jon could get a hold of the tapes he (afawk for now) still hasn’t accessed, from when he was out for The Unknowing/in his coma – MAG118, MAG120, MAG121? It could be a good time for MAG120’s since… since Jon finally acknowledged to someone that he is aware of his dreams, aware that he has been watching people who gave their statements to him in them. MAG120 wouldn’t add a lot except learning that Elias knows about them. And… it also contains the Martin-Peter exchange, though I wonder whether Peter actually gets recorded on tape? Jon, who listens “to all the tapes”, never commented about Peter’s visits to the Institute in MAG100 and MAG108. I wonder if Peter might be able to escape the recordings (and unless we hear him “live”… yeah, no, someone listening to a tape afterwards would only hear static and a blank void when he supposedly talks.)

- Congraaaatulaaaationnnns on getting your Buried scar, Jon!!

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: Feels like every inch costs me another scrape, or bruise. I’d hoped I was beyond that, but apparently not. [STRAINED WHIMPERS]

Looks like he can only get injuries from Spooks, and not “standard” ones (or just not injure himself)? … though now, I wonder if I wasn’t wrong to focus on the actual scars/injuries (they’re so shiny! they’re leaving souvenirs on Jon’s body!) when they might actually be… just collateral damage, and not the point. I hate how I always end up having to refer to Elias, but:

(MAG092) ELIAS: It is your job to chronicle these things, to experience them, whether first-hand or through the eyes of others. To simply be told, well…

Experiencing and getting injured seem to often go hand-in-hand in Jon’s case but, with the coffin expedition, the moment where Jon… learned something wasn’t actually through the scars, at all. It was when he understood what it meant to be inside the coffin, what it meant to be trapped by The Buried:

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: … Come on… [STATIC] [SHAKY BREATHING] DAISY: Jon? ARCHIVIST: I know… DAISY: Th–the way out? ARCHIVIST: No… I know where we are! There isn’t no out, not here. This is… this is forever deep below creation. Where the weight of existence bears down… This is The Buried, and we are alive… There isn’t even an up. … Oh god… What have I done! What have I done…

There was this moment of sudden understanding where he sounded… distant and lost in himself? A bit more than during regular drop-of-water-sipping-through-the-door, I felt. It put me in mind of his sudden moment of Understanding Nikola’s true nature in MAG119:

(MAG119) ARCHIVIST: … I see you. NIKOLA: Do you, now? ARCHIVIST: Yes… Yes, I s… I see the sad clown, b–bitter and hateful. I see him finding his way into a ci–circus where nobody knew him. I see him torn apart, becoming the mask, remade by a… a cruel ringmaster. Sometimes a doll, sometimes a mannequin, always hiding in somebody else’s skin. Somebody else’s name. NIKOLA: Not always, and it’s far too late for any of that. Nothing you see can help you.

And before Breekon, Jon had never received the statement of a Stranger-related avatar, and he had never received one from a Buried avatar either (though Karolina Górka… might have been a weird case). So, tl;dr maybe the scars weren’t the point all along, but it was really… the Experience of the Fear through an avatar giving him their own perception of their relationship to their god, or Jon himself having to understand the true nature of a Fear. Cataloguing it, as Jane had denounced:

(MAG032, Jane Prentiss) “There is no right word because for all your Institute and ignorance may laud the power of the word, it cannot even stretch to fully capture what I feel in my bones. What possible recourse could there be for me in your books and files and libraries except more useless ink and dying letters? I see now why The Hive hates you. You can see it and log it and note its every detail but you can never understand it. You rob it of its fear even though your weak words have no right to do so.”

So, actualizing the list… Jon is still missing The Lonely (sob) and The Dark – and didn’t get a statement from a Web avatar either, though he… experienced that one a bit when he was a kid and is currently experiencing it with The Web pulling strings (MAG121, Oliver Banks: “But… you know better than anyone how the spiders can get into your head.”)

… ;; I wonder, when The Web will reveal itself… how many of Jon’s actions/~decisions~ will turn out to have been nudges and threads pulled to get him where The Web needed him to be? Because… Jon had sounded very uncomfortable and vulnerable when he brushed over the notion (MAG123: “Perhaps a coincidence, just… people… shopping their traumatic event around… but I have to wonder… how much their actions were their own.”); how deeply would you fear that every new action is actually due to someone puppeteering you, if you learned that so many of the previous ones had not been of your own independent volition…?

(Gratuitous tangent, since Jon ~completing the set of Fears~ is also… a reminder that we’re assuming that the repartition into Fourteen Fear is carved into stone, when it isn’t? (Well. It is. In the tunnels. But that’s not the point.) It’s an arbitrary division suggested by Smirke; it could be changed objectively, since in the same way that The Flesh emerged recently, there might be a New Emergence which Adelard Dekker was investigating as reported in MAG113, but in the first place… we know that the division is arbitrary and that lines can get blurry here and there? Meaning, the number of injuries/experiences that Jon is getting doesn’t have to be… completing the list of Fourteen to be valid, since there is an infinity of shades in the first place? Though curiously, we’ve seen Avatars mostly following this division; sometimes collaborating, sometimes rejecting, but mostly having their own things, their own rituals, etc., as if the division was… objectively accurate. But then: the Avatars we met are humans who got powers. They probably decided where they belong on the spectrum? I do wonder if Smirke’s division mightn’t have been a way to ensure that the Fears would be competing against each other for a long while, kind of creating an “us vs. them” dynamic in order to prevent big collaborations. There are a few canonical opposites (Gerry mentioned the Vast vs. Buried, Elias presented The Stranger as antithetical to The Eye), but I once again wonder about the diagram and whether Jon getting injuries/experiences from here and there really is filling in a stamps collection with clear spots for each, or just… well. The more diversity, the more experiences, the better?)

- I feel incredibly stupid: I had not realized that ~that song~ in the background was… The Coffin’s Song. We could hear it distinctly in MAG101 (when Jon was held captive) and I had assumed it was a Stranger thing (generic spooky atmosphere in the Wax Museum). Nop! It was indeed the coffin’s song mentioned since MAG002, answering to the rain!

… Which means it was raining outside of the Institute in this episode? So if Basira is coming back just now, she’s probably drenched, and Daisy and Jon are coming out covered in dust and mud and dirt, and who will clean the Archives now, you hooligans!!

- I’M ALSO SO MAD… The fact that The Hunt couldn’t reach Daisy inside of the coffin should have been expected!!! I was fearing so much that she had gone worse, even more feral than how we had left her in MAG119, but!!

(MAG128, Breekon) “And so we took the casket, a hungry thing of the Earth, a crushing, choking tomb that will not let you die because it is too much what it is for Death to find you there, within its mocking shape – buried alive. […] No face to Change in the cold, dark earth, and no Eye to fool, where it is now.”

No End (which Jon also confirmed in MAG132: “I am… very thirsty. But I know I won’t die of it. I won’t… die of anything… down here… Not ever. Not if I… can’t find my way out.”), no Stranger, no Eye; the other powers can’t reach anyone inside! And *buries face into hand* I LOVE DAISY… I LOVE DAISY SO MUCH, GDI

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: Sorry. Obviously. No, I just meant… Y–you sound… okay. DAISY: … Do I? ARCHIVIST: I thought you might have… been… taken over. By The Hunt. DAISY: What? ARCHIVIST: Th–the Hunt. You’re a Hunter. DAISY: Yeah… Uh, guess I was, but… not here… ARCHIVIST: No? DAISY: No. I, I can’t… feel my… blood. I could always feel it, but it can’t… can’t reach me, here… […] I don’t know what I’ll be ou–outside. The… The Hunt, it c–, it can’t reach me here. I’m sc–scared, but… Mm–mm… But I… I feel more, feel more m–me than I have for years. Maybe all my life… The, The Hunt was me, b–but I don’t, I don’t think I liked it. I think it just made me… need… it… I hurt… a l–lot of people… and some who… who I shouldn’t have. Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life. Telling me who to chase, how to hurt them. I never needed to think… who I was outside of that. But down here, where I… I can’t hear the… blood anymore, I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better…

Fay Roberts was f a n t a s t i c, they brought me heartbreak and love at each sentence with that… rawness? Openness? Vulnerability without falling into sheer despair? Once again, I’m ;; having so many feelings over the way The Magnus Archives manages to remind you that yes, x and y characters are their own persons, with their own stories, their own agendas, their own struggles, their own points of views, their own fears. For a while, the discordance between cordial, expected reactions and Daisy being so straightforward in her violence was funny, but I hoped that we could get her own words at some point, and we did, and we got so much more than that!! It was so intense? I really wasn’t expecting to hear so much self-awareness from Daisy? To hear what might be one of the Messages of the series coming from her mouth – “I want to be better”: WHO, amongst our characters, had specifically enunciated something so simple yet so powerful? And it’s DAISY who diiiiiid T_____T

I was horrified that she was stuck in the coffin, and she indeed had a terrible time inside of it, and at the same time… it allowed her to find herself again, outside of the spooky influences? It forced her to take a step back and think about who she was? She said that The Hunt had been most of her life – is that how she survived Calvin Benchley’s attack, back when she was a kid? I love that, in the same way that Melanie told Jon that the bullet had stayed in her leg because she wanted it, it sounds a bit like… Daisy staying trapped in the coffin was a bit of her own doing, too, since she was fearing who she would be outside of it? Who she could become again, while she finally had clarity inside the coffin? And it seems like finding the way out was totally on Jon, but I get the feeling that his telling her that she could still make a choice… mattered a bit, and allowed her to indeed follow him?

I’m curious about how Daisy will handle being back on the surface and possibly hearing the call of The Hunt again. I do hope that, yes, even if she struggles, she’ll be able to make something out of the experience… Basira had hinted that there was more to Daisy than the impression people got from her:

(MAG106) BASIRA: I always used to put on podcasts when I was driving around. You know, when I wasn’t on duty. I mean, when Daisy didn’t need the radio. MELANIE: I literally cannot picture Daisy listening to the radio. BASIRA: The Archers. MELANIE: No?! BASIRA: Hand of God. MELANIE: I, I actually do not believe you. BASIRA: She never missed an episode.

And I’m curious about this Daisy, too! The “Daisy” who chose this nickname because she was told that her scar looked like one and “because it sounds so gentle”, the Daisy who listened to the radio and appealed to Basira, the Daisy who thought that she was deserving of this hell after what she had done, the Daisy who stuttered to Jon, over and over again when they were getting crushed, that she was “sorry”…

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: And if we get out… DAISY: But we can’t “get out”. ARCHIVIST: [CRIES OF PAIN] DAISY: [CRIES OF PAIN] I’m, I’m sorry… I’m sorry Jon… I’m sorry… [CLICK.]

;____; I’m not even able to tell why she was apologizing there? For confessing that she had wanted to kill Jon after The Unknowing? Because she felt responsible that Jon had gone into the coffin to retrieve her, and was now stuck with her and discovering this perpetual torture too? ;___; Daisy…

- “I thought, thought I’d… I’d ne–never see the s-sky again, never… never s–see Basira…” Hi, hello, I just got brutally murdered by a pipe of Daisy->Basira feelings all over again.

(BASIRA IS HER SKY!!! In the domain of The Buried, Basira was her sky!)

- Relatedly: gODS the voicework this episode!! The stuttering, the words getting stuck in Jon’s and Daisy’s throats, having trouble making their way out!! The pain they seemed to cause? It was so good!!!

- And count on Jon to accidentally lighten up the mood with self-aware comments/mood whiplash/jokes in the wrong situation:

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: […] But I know what I’m doing; this time, I do. Huh, I hope. […] I should be able to find my way back to it… I think. Wish me luck…! … Although I suppose if you’re hearing this, then I… I didn’t have any. I don’t know. […] ARCHIVIST: Are you… Are you okay? DAISY: No. ARCHIVIST: Sorry. Obviously. No, I just meant… Y–you sound… okay. […] DAISY: […] Where are we? ARCHIVIST: The coffin. We’re in the coffin. I–It leads to… Well, it’s got a lot of names. Choke. The Buried. Too-close-I-cannot-breathe. DAISY: [CHUCKLES] Yeah, yeah… sounds, sounds right. […] ARCHIVIST: Come on. Let’s get you out of here. DAISY: Can’t… can’t move… Even if I, if I could… there is no… way out… ARCHIVIST: It’s okay… I’ve… I’ve got a plan. DAISY: I–is this like all your other plans? […] ARCHIVIST: Okay, hum… What do you want to talk about? DAISY: Don’t, I–I don’t care, I… I… I just, I just want someone to hear me. ARCHIVIST: I’m not going anywhere! DAISY: [NERVOUS BROKEN CHUCKLE]

He even managed to make Daisy chuckle multiple times!! I was so fond of their weird little friendship in MAG096 (Daisy snorting when the “Archivist who can’t read” got roasted; Jon singsonging his “Whatever you say~” at the end), I’m so glad to find this aspect of their dynamic already back!!

- Jon sounded… a bit sad? To learn that Daisy still planned to kill him?

(MAG132) DAISY: … I was gonna kill you. You know that, right? ARCHIVIST: [CHUCKLE] I mean, I definitely got that impression when you… dragged me into the woods for an execution. DAISY: N–no, no. No. After the mission. I was planning to kill you. ARCHIVIST: I… I did not know that.

Jon probably thought that they were already past that, uh. (He thought he was on good terms with Daisy by that point or, at the very least, that they were on the same side? I think he really regarded her as part of his team even though she didn’t have the “assistant” status? So yeah, must hurt a bit to learn that, no, she was planning to get rid of him right after The Unknowing ;;)

- Alright: there have not been a lot of talks involving Jon in which I found that a balanced, mutually beneficial exchange was happening, and that weren’t about tearing each other to pieces? It’s the case with most of his exchanges with Georgie, and there was a bit of that with Gerry; but otherwise… it often feels like the discussion tips in one direction, either Jon opening up and the other not managing to share something of themselves, either the other person opening up and Jon having to shut up (Melanie in MAG131, Basira’s overall stance).

There was something really significant in the fact that Daisy wanted to talk and even agreed and welcomed Jon’s compulsion, when… it had previously squicked her so, so much and been lived as an extortion:

(MAG061) ARCHIVIST: If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been sectioned…? DAISY: I do mind. … Fourteen years. […] ARCHIVIST: Right! Thank you! Are you quite alright? DAISY: No. I never told that story to anyone except my old Sergeant. ARCHIVIST: I’m not sure I, uh… DAISY: I should go.

(MAG091) BASIRA: Just let him go. DAISY: You don’t know what he is. You don’t know what it’s like to have your secrets pulled out like teeth, just because he asked?

(MAG132) DAISY: Jon…? ARCHIVIST: Still here. DAISY: Good, I… Good. I, I, I, I–I want to talk. ARCHIVIST: Okay, hum… What do you want to talk about? DAISY: Don’t, I–I don’t care, I… I… I just, I just want someone to hear me. […] I–I want to, but it’s… difficult. ARCHIVIST: Would it help if I… ask? DAISY: … Y–yeah, yes, alright. Do your… thing. ARCHIVIST: Right, hum… [CLEARS THROAT] Uh… [STATIC:] H–how are you feeling? DAISY: Uh… Scared. I–I’m, I’m, I’m scared. I’ve been scared the whole time here.

Jon getting good at consent when it’s about compelling people he treasures é_è (… He did not treasure Jared very much, though.)

The simple fact that Jon was so adamant about getting Daisy back, and the fact that Daisy highlighted so much that thanks to him… she wasn’t alone anymore!!

(MAG132) DAISY: [LABOURED] Just… alone, I, I think… I think… I hear this, sometimes, s–singing, when it’s, uh, when it’s wet, or, or scratching, trying to get out… but I don’t… I don’t th… don’t think there is anyone… there; it’s… it’s just, just me… ‘till now. […] ARCHIVIST: Come on. Let’s get you out of here. DAISY: Can’t… can’t move… Even if I, if I could… there is no… way out… ARCHIVIST: It’s okay… I’ve… I’ve got a plan. […] ARCHIVIST: No… I know where we are! There isn’t no out, not here. This is… this is forever deep below creation. Where the weight of existence bears down… This is The Buried, and we are alive… There isn’t even an up. … Oh god… What have I done! What have I done… DAISY: N–not alone, though… ARCHIVIST: [SOFT] No… No, not alone. […] ARCHIVIST: I don’t… It’s like… My mindlink is… it’s stronger… [PANTS AND STRUGGLING NOISES] DAISY: Slow down! I–I can’t… ARCHIVIST: Don’t let go! Come on, we’re close. This way. Here. Here! Come on, push!

(Yes, hello, guess who got GIGANTIC platonic Orpheus and Eurydice vibes in this episode!!)

- I feel that there was something extremely precious, precisely because both Jon and Daisy gave something to the other? It wasn’t only about hearing Daisy, it was about… helping her, emotionally, by sharing his experience and his own struggle, and explaining right away where he stood. Jon didn’t hide from her? She uncovered herself, and he showed his weakness in return, and it was just so satisfying and soft?

(MAG132) DAISY: […] L–leaves you terrified for when it s–starts a–again and, wh–when it does, you, you’re s–scared that it’ll… n–never–never stop… I thought, thought I’d… I’d ne–never see the s-sky again, never… never s–see Basira… B–but, but now… You, you’ve got out o–of o–other s–stuff like this, maybe… maybe you’ll get out of this and, and take me wi–with you… […] Y–you know what I thought wh–when I woke up here? I thought this was hell; I wa–, I was dead, and within hell. And I… eh, I–I knew I deserved it… I don’t want t–to be a s–sadistic predator again… I–I don’t want to… hobble around, like some pathetic, wounded prey either… I don’t know which would be worse. And I’m sc–scared, now, that I’ll never get the choice… ARCHIVIST: One thing I’ve learned, Daisy, is that we all get a choice. Even if it doesn’t feel like one. […] Daisy… you should know I’m… If I wasn’t human before, I’m, uh… I’m even less now. DAISY: Yeah. Well. At the moment, I don’t care…

Re: the mention of choices… So, are we meant to deduce that Jon was indeed conscious (and remembers) Oliver’s words from MAG121?

(MAG121) OLIVER: […] The thing is, Jon, right now, you have a choice. You’ve put it off for a long time; but it’s trapping you here. You’re not quite human enough to die, but – still too human to survive. You’re… balanced on an edge where The End can’t touch you – but you can’t escape him. I made a choice. We all made choices; now you have to– […] Make your choice, Jon.

I wonder if we’ll get Jon’s retelling of how he lived MAG121, how he came back from his coma. I like that, however, he is aware that he had limited options due to circumstances and that it… doesn’t really feel like an empowering choice when you’re forced to pick between two unsatisfactory options, neither of which you really want? But at the same time, I HATE THAT, ONCE AGAIN:

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: I never chose this! ELIAS: You never wanted this, no. But I’m afraid you absolutely did choose it. In a hundred ways, at a hundred thresholds, you pressed on. You sought knowledge relentlessly, and you always chose to see. Our world is made of choices, Jon, and very rarely do we truly know what any of them mean, but we make them nonetheless.

… we’re falling back into “Elias might have been right about this” territory :||||||| (… he had also told Daisy that Calvin Benchley was “the first human being” she had murdered – although we knew he had probably been deeply messed up by a power, probably The Slaughter? And Daisy explicitly said that she felt that Elias had been right about her. He had also told Jon to not dwell too much on a distinction between human/“monsters”… And he’s being proven right lately, with Helen and Melanie and now Daisy herself… So gODSDAMNIT, stop that trend of Elias being apparently right-except-it-might-not-be-exactly-what-he-meant/him-still-being-wrong-about-the-consequences, it causes me pain.)

- ;; I wonder if Jon will have another discussion with Georgie soon-ish, because… it feels like he’s learning a lot, and forced to acknowledge and to accept that a lot of his original distinctions and categorizations weren’t really standing, in the end. Jon won’t do what Georgie was encouraging him to do (to stop getting involved, to… go back to normalcy? Like she did?), but I think they could still have a satisfying discussion about… their own choices in the matter. The thing with Jon, when he was living with her, was that he was afraid of turning into a “monster”, feeling dispossessed, and constantly thrown under a bus, and trapped in schemes and organizations he couldn’t really understand. He’s been more in control during season 4 and seems… to have found a drive, somehow? To know, a bit more often (even if it’s punctual) where he wants to head and what he has to do to accomplish it. I don’t know, but I feel like it could be very interesting to have Georgie and Jon interact again now that Jon knows a bit more where he stands?

- This was the first time that Jon acknowledged to someone, although implicitly, that he’s aware of what happens with his dreams é_è

(MAG132) DAISY: I realized you were in my dreams. Reliving t… this. The coffin. You were there. ARCHIVIST: … Yes. DAISY: Didn’t think it was real. Not really… Just my mind putting you there, because I h–hated you but… no. One night, you turn up in a new shirt. Didn’t fit you. Not your style. I didn’t think much of it, it was just a d–, a dream. Then you come back from the States and… guess what you’re wearing. ARCHIVIST: Oh… DAISY: Realised what was happening then. Realised you weren’t human. Needed to die, as soon as it was safe. Never mind Elias and his… insurance. ARCHIVIST: And now? DAISY: Don’t know. I miss dreaming. Y–you don’t sleep… down here.

;__; So Jon had indeed understood what the deal was with that (MAG113: “I’m not too concerned, to be honest, my dreams are, uh... well, let’s just say I don’t think they’re going be letting anyone else in any time soon.”)… and still agreed to take Jared’s statement. Kinda hoping for Jon that Jared will either die soon-ish, or that he will push Jon away from his dreams like Jude did (MAG120, Elias: “he even longs for the terrible dream of the melted woman, who would see everything desolated without rhyme or reason. But she was beyond his reach the moment she knew he was there.”) I wonder what allowed Jude to do this, by the way? Julia and Trevor were also distant from Jon (they couldn’t pick up his scent), but Daisy hadn’t been able to do that to Jon, since she was still stuck with the dreams? Could she be able to do that, if she learned it was a possibility? Or is it a Desolation thing, or something you’re only able to do when quite powerful yourself?

- Re: Daisy’s “Elias and his… insurance.” comment: I wonder what she was referring to? Was it about the evidence he had against her?

(MAG082) ELIAS: A genuine threat, I’m sure, but right now what you’re really trying to figure out is, if I have any evidence that could make it back your people.

(MAG092) ELIAS: Allow me. She rightly suspected that I held evidence of various murders she had committed, and that I sent this to her superiors. DAISY: … ELIAS: She’s quite the killer, your partner. All in the public good, of course. And she was correct, I spent some time acquiring that evidence. Or creating it. And while your superiors don’t much care about the killings, the fact there is proof... They’re not happy. And they want you brought in.

(Meaning that if she had killed Jon, Elias would probably have thrown her under a bus/at the nearest police officers… Elias had already leaked his “evidence” to the police so there were already people searching for her. Then again, Elias would have been able to tip them whenever to tell them where she was ;;) Oorrrrrrrrrrr… was it… about Basira…………………..

(MAG092) DAISY: What do you want? ELIAS: Collateral. [PAPER IS PUSHED ACROSS THE DESK] DAISY: That… What? ELIAS: A contract of employment. For Basira.

Meaning that at this point, Daisy was ready to kill Jon right after The Unknowing, even if it meant putting Basira in more danger: true, according to what Elias told them, it’s only if he dies that the assistants(+Jon?) die, but ahahaha, if she had killed Jon, we can’t really expect that Basira’s situation would have improved, uh… (……. Terriblest thing that Elias could have then done to Daisy would have been to appoint Basira as next Archivist, probably, in fact.)

Anyway, if Basira finally tells Jon & the others that Elias had requested her presence (MAG127), that she talked to him, and what he said… I would really like for Daisy to now be The One in charge of the prison visits and dealing with Bouchard’s bullshit? Sadly, Daisy’s relationship with the police hierarchy fell out due to Elias sending the tapes and, if they learn that she’s actually still alive, they would want to remedy to that.

(But picture this: 40-ish episodes after Elias got Daisy & Basira stuck with the Institute, and taunted Daisy over the prospect of either killing him either getting him sent to jail… Daisy, visiting Elias who is finally in prison. P L E A S U R E D I N H A L A T I O N.)

- *cries* And Jon tried anyway…

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: I… heard someone. He was begging for me to save him. Said he couldn’t breathe. … I can barely breathe. I couldn’t find him. But I am… n–not here for him. I don’t even know him. I can’t… I can’t see… anything here… for all this… this place closes around me, I… I feel adrift. Like nothing can get through the dirt, and the muck, and– … I still have Daisy’s tape… And I still think I’m going the right way. When I move at all.

;; Yeah, reminder that there are… other people trapped there. I wonder if it could have been specifically Isaac Masters, Daisy’s colleague who had disappeared (MAG061)? But the coffin probably took many people (it had taken “John” in MAG002)… I wonder what the group will do with it, now? I doubt that Jon will try to go inside again to save the other people trapped in there but ;; Urrkkk, it hurts a bit to think that yes, there are still random victims just… there…

- Jon has been… so SOFT in season 4… So many “Sorry”s, so many moments when he explains himself? I’m remembering the end of season 2, when he had just understood about the Not!Them taking Sasha’s place, and had decided to try to get rid of it, and had… steered Martin and Tim out of its way? He had apologized but he had not explained nor left a trace of what he was doing. But now, he left a tape behind for Melanie and Basira, explaining his intentions and his reasonings:

(MAG078) ARCHIVIST: Yes… Yes, and I’m… I’m sorry. About everything. MARTIN: J–Jon… look, are you– TIM: Ok. Right you are, Jon. We’ll be going.

(MAG079) ARCHIVIST: [WHISPERING] I’m sorry. Martin, Tim… Sasha. I’m so sorry. I should have… I didn’t… I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. NOT!SASHA: I wonder, if I wear you, will I really become the Archivist? Rob The Eye of its pupil? Probably not. Better to just kill you, I think. Yes… I think that would be best. ARCHIVIST: [WHISPERING] Please forgive me. If you’re still alive… if–if you hear this. Get as far away from the Magnus Institute–

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: [CLICK] [INHALES] Hello, Melanie. I… know I said we’d wait until Basira was back. B–but I–I don’t… I–I’m sorry. I, I–I know she won’t– She’d want to do it a different way. But I know what I’m doing; this time, I do. […] Wish me luck…! … Although I suppose if you’re hearing this, then I… I didn’t have any. I don’t know. I’m… I’m scared. [SHORT CHUCKLE] When does the fear go away…? A–anyway, I–I’m sorry. You too, Basira, if you’re hearing this. I know you’d… stop me. You’d be right to, but… But if this goes wrong, all you lose is– … I’m not risking anyone else. And I know– … I–I think… I can get her out.

(No mention of Martin nor Georgie in this one ;; Once again, Jon has trouble staying aware of more than his immediate surroundings, and is not really thinking about the consequences or people that could be impacted when they’re not right under his nose, uh.)

And yes, Jon is going back to this old habit of his that he was fighting so far (-> going behind people’s backs when he felt that someone had to take on a burden)… But the reasons he’s doing this are very sad and beautiful at the same time? He is being absolutely self-deprecative? It’s because he doesn’t feel like he’s as valuable as them? And despite the fact that it costs him so much, that he’s still afraid? I had been wondering, when Jon woke up from his coma, what would change with him – would his fear get cauterized? Would he be more casual about the concept of hurting people to feed his god? But no, indeed: so far, it’s really… Jon evolving and becoming more and more open about his feelings, and what and whom he cares for, and getting actively protective of them even if it means getting harmed himself. And that “I’m not risking anyone else” once again reminded me of:

(MAG118) TIM: No! You knew I might not be coming back! ARCHIVIST: I knew none of us might be coming back, and I’m not gonna let anyone get killed for nothing! TIM: Oh, except for those people in there! ARCHIVIST: They’re already dead! TIM: Not all of them! ARCHIVIST: I am not losing you as well!!

(T____T)

Jon lost Sasha and Tim already, of course he wouldn’t want someone else to put themselves in danger, even if it’s to rescue Daisy…

And meanwhile: we know that Martin is… doing the same thing to protect the others. And meanwhile: Basira might have been doing the same thing in her own way. They’ll really need to get all together in a room and to talk out their respective self-sacrificing decisions at some point, huh…

(- I’m a simple person and since Jon is being a softie, I want: * Daisy and Jon just spending time together (whenever Daisy is not glued to Basira), OKAY. * Daisy deciding that alright, you think Blackwood is involved in something dangerous and you would like him back? Okay, let’s go. I always dreamed to destroy Elias’s office a bit, should get a reaction out of that Lukas guy. * GET MARTIN BACK AND HAVE THAT VERY QUEER SLUMBER PARTY IN THE TUNNELS GDI!!! THERE ARE SIX OF THEM WITH HELEN – JONNY AND ALEX, DON’T YOU WANT TO MAKE A WHOLE EPISODE OF THEM PLAYING GAMES TOGETHER?? * Dunno how to justify this in this post but my pretext is “Jon is being so good at communication/giving Daisy what she needed at the point she was” and so: alright, you know what Martin needs, Jon? A present of a fancy blank notebook, to go back to his poetry, because encouraging is caring (and notebooks are love) :||||)

- efzjdisncefd Basira just got the Best Entrance Ever, I don’t know which one was the winner until now but she supplanted it right away:

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: Tape recorders. Must, must be… dozens of them…? [JON’S OFFICE DOOR OPENS] BASIRA: Jon, you stupid idiot! What did you think?! DAISY: … Hi. BASIRA: [FAINT]… Oh my god… [CLICK.]

Barging into Jon’s office, not even looking at who is there, screaming at Jon right away. Glorious.

Did she know he had just come out (/done something to ensure he’d come out), or was it a coincidence and she would have been screaming at an empty office if Jon hadn’t come out just now? The timing was a bit too perfect, so I’d be leaning on “Basira did something”, but… were the tape recorders going wild only located into Jon’s office, or were they having a fit in the entire Archives / in every part of the Institute, actually? (Because mm, we know there was an incident involving a leak of statements in 1999 and right, we never learned more about that… I’ve been assuming that it was Gertrude’s doing, to mess with Freshly Appointed Head Director Elias, but we still don’t know if there is a Story behind it.)

;; There is still the question of what Basira was doing, and what Elias’s suggestion from MAG127 was. Did he tell Basira to leave Jon to his own devices and that he would find something? (I doubt the series would go that way since it would nnnnot be flattering for Basira… but then it could also make her even more prone to close off her own agenda and to Do Her Things without sharing.) Did she go to find someone or something that would pull people out of the coffin? Jon couldn’t feel his anchor anymore, then felt it again, so something happened; the question is mostly… who did it.

The Eye shouldn’t have access to the inside of the coffin, so even if Elias knew that Breekon was about to deliver it… I wonder if he could have guessed Daisy’s current state? Because uh. Regarding The Archives’ Defender: Melanie is not an option anymore since she’s not Slaughter-fuelled. Daisy explicitly told Jon that she was wary of The Hunt, didn’t like who she used to be when under its influence, and will probably consciously try to slow down on the violence – she could still help in defending the Archives a bit, but… she probably won’t be as effective against Spooks as before if the the point is to avoid losing herself again. Which means that they indeed got her back but that she probably won’t be a viable option anymore as a ~defender~. Which means they’re back at the same point.

(EXCEPT THERE IS HELEN!! And I insist, reliability aside, sounds like the best Protecting option. But well. Reliability aside.)

So. What did Basira do, where did she go, what did she bring back with her? Mike-if-turns-out-he-wasn’t-dead would be the right time, since Daisy had been the one to ensure that he (or his corpse) would eat dirt; Trevor&Julia would be hilarious and fitting thematically (relationship to The Hunt + Jon’s shirt was presumably “borrowed” from them); Jude would be another case of Jon’s Life Being Like This; someone who’d turn out to be Actually The Real Peter Lukas oh-shit-what-is-the-thing-running-the-Institute-then would be hilarious for the ensuing panic (I’m still ??? that Elias never ever acknowledged that Peter Lukas… exists…? is running his Institute…? it still feels so fishy?); but at the same time, they all feel a bit like… done deals? People we’ve already explored a bit through meeting them and getting their statements, and are now finished with?

Amongst the characters introduced and recurring across statements but never met, we have Mikaele Salesa (has he died, is he hiding from officials because of tax fraud?); Adelard Dekker (… if he isn’t dead already); Annabelle Cane (but The Web, accepting to be straightforward instead of sneaky and cryptic? In MY Magnus Institute? Ha!). Cosmic Irony would dictate Simon Fairchild since Jon explicitly expressed reluctance to meet him, and now I’m hit with the mental picture of Simon peacefully giving his statement to Jon while sipping tea before going to yeet himself in the coffin because he was trying to find a way to Make His Grand Exit after a long and fulfilling life of wrecking other lives, right in front of Jon; you’re welcome.

One question is whether or not there were two agendas at work for Jon’s next move? On the one hand, Elias tipped Basira towards… something that we don’t know about yet. On the other hand, The Web seemed supportive of leading Jon a bit and, unless Jon tragically misunderstood its message (but then, The Web would have intervened again?), the point in MAG130’s tape was indeed to make Jon focus on The Flesh, its avatars, the idea of his own body as an anchor for him to get inside the coffin and get Daisy back. AND ON THAT NOTE, I’m now entertaining the notion that Breekon might have been sent by The Web itself, since the way he described why he came was… a bit reminiscent of your typical person doing something/going somewhere because of the Spider (and specifically sounds a lot like Oliver’s self-introduction)?

(MAG128) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] [STATIC:] Why are you here? BREEKON: Dunno. ‘t’s not right… on my own… not right… No point in doing it on my own. Don’t know what happens now… Thought I might kill you. Missed my chance. Thought I might just… deliver something. So here’s a coffin. [RATTLING SOUND] In case you want… to join your friend.

[…] (STATEMENT) “I am without him, now. I. am. I can feel myself fading. Weak. No reason to move. Nothing to deliver. But I am no longer tied to the casket; so you can have it.”

Not being able to give a clear reason, then rationalizing about it while doing it anyway? So I guess The Web could also have put the coffin in Jon’s path, since it wasn’t against (/was actively supportive of) the idea of him getting Daisy back? Or, at least, of Jon going down into the coffin and experiencing The Buried, but being able to get back out. I don’t know! Basira, what were you doing and how much will everyone regret that you had a talk with Elias ;;

- We heard that Basira wasn’t… pleased about Jon doing his Things behind her back (“Jon, you stupid idiot!”: Jon can’t only be an “idiot”, can’t only be “stupid”, he has to be a “stupid idiot”), but objectively:

(MAG128) BASIRA: I’ll try and be back in a week or two. Don’t think about me. ARCHIVIST: Right. BASIRA: And don’t open the coffin.

From 3rd March (MAG128) to 24th March 2018 (MAG132 – though unclear whether it’s the date he went inside the coffin or came out of it, or if it’s on the same day anyway), it’s been three weeks of Basira being gone and not giving any news. She didn’t promise to come back soon, but still – that was… way more than what she had told Jon to expect, and he held on during that time. And he did respect the other half of what she had asked of him (to not Know about what she was doing). So overall: she will probably be mad, and will have reasons to be since Jon went back to doing things on his own while deliberately going against other people’s wishes (doubly: both hers, and Melanie’s, who had been a bit more aware of Jon’s plan, and whom Jon had told that he would wait for Basira), but there were also… circumstances.

(Since Basira has been gone for three weeks: I wonder if she got sick, too? We don’t know how long Tim’s trip to Malaysia lasted before he had to come back to the Institute, so… How did Basira feel during this time? Did she bring statements or research along to tide herself over? Or was Tim’s case a bit special, and was Elias responsible for Tim feeling like a wreck because he wanted Tim back for Jon’s return?)

- I DON’T KNOW HOW BASIRA WILL REACT TO DAISY’S RETURN, GDI!!! Jon was expecting Basira to not hold too much of a grudge if he managed to bring Daisy back, and he did! But I’m… not sure it will work to pacify Basira? ;; Because technically, it adds another piece on the chessboard, and we don’t really know what to expect of Daisy out of the coffin, nor if she’ll manage to be stable for long… And that means having to make sure that the police doesn’t pay attention to the Institute (while Elias, who was keeping them mostly at bay, is gone), since they were after Daisy…

But at the same time, maybe it could lead to finally getting a Team Archive back to try and all survive together…? ;;

- Relatedly: whether or not Basira is ready to work with Jon again, since Daisy is back… What will be the next focus? (Sometimes, I feel like Jon is acting a bit like in a Dating Game without romance: took the Melanie route, unlocked the Less Dramatic ending; took the Daisy route, unlocked the Happy Ending somehow?!; maybe needed to clear out Daisy’s path in order to unlock Basira’s own route… and then, there is Martin. Hidden route, True Ending?? Jon said “I am very thirsty” and like, yeah, we know, we heard you going after Martin, Jon. Where is Martin.)

There will be the… well, whatever the HECK happened with the tape recorders at the end of MAG132, and Daisy will probably need some rest, and we’ll need a debriefing/argument with Basira. But then, what’s next, what will the next goal consist of? There are still a bunch of Mysteries that should become relevant again at some point soon (what is Agnes’s story? What is Hill Top Road’s deal? What happened to Adelard Dekker? How can they proceed to ensure The Watcher’s Crown doesn’t happen? What are The Web’s intentions and how much is Jon tied to that? What is the New Emergence?); we could get some answers if Jon continues to read statements about rituals that Gertrude had stopped, or if he keeps getting information through His Inner Door, though. We might be a bit done with Buried and Flesh statements for some time, since both were a bit more represented in season 4 so far and they have now served their purpose.

- Okay, so, Patreon experience: here is what we initially got when the episode was posted:

… and yes, it was 6 seconds of David7 crashing on the floor and complaining that he was covered in goo. Picture this: you’ve been tensing up for the last hour on your commute back from work with nothing to distract you, you’re fidgeting for the new episode, knowing thanks to the title listed on Monday that It Is Coming, We Should Be Going Inside The Coffin, How Awful Will It Turn Out… and you’re welcomed by David7 observing that he’s covered in goo. I personally lost it, hurt myself in my confusion (I still had some mascara on, it doesn’t do great with hilarity tears.) So yeah. Now, we Know that apparently, David7 is their placeholder for new posts! =D

(The case file was incomplete, too, so! Extra dread! How much time passed while Jon was in the coffin?! Didn’t even have the satisfaction to think that the end of 2018 and the Institute’s 200th anniversary had passed! But that was corrected too, and it’s… probably fine. Unless March 24th is only the date Jon entered the coffin, not when he got out.)

MAG133’s title is… ominous and uuuuuuuh, hard to draw any prediction from apart from “… I don’t like this”. Not-risky bet would be The End? Would probably be awful if it happens to be a Corruption one? ………… As for second meaning: I just really hope it’s not Peter&Martin again ;;

#the magnus archives #mag132 #tma liveblog #tma spoilers/#long post/#tma season 4

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spacedimentio · 6 years ago

Text

Save the Light Impressions

I recently became interested in what Hessonite’s deal was and since it’ll be a long time before I’ll be able to get the game, I decided to just watch a cutscene compilation (this one, if it matters: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jy5tOb3gzLY). Dunno why I’m taking down all my reactions, just cause it’s fun I guess. Enjoy

RIP Car Wash

What even is the prism? It's not a gem, right? But it's clearly got conscious thought, even Hessonite talks to it like a person

haha Greg called her a glittery space lady, accurate

it's a little OOC that Greg wanted to come along. at least he's having fun tho. aww, steven's so proud of him :D

actually, what's Hessonite even doing. Why didn't she fuck off back to space once she found the prism

yeah that's totally not a triforce with six arms or anything. it's not the diamond authority symbol either i don't think, the triangles in that all meet in the middle

Mayor of Bummertown

I would have named the boss Dave, zero hesitation

"Our prism is in another castle!" i love you steb

oh no, bad memory time at Bismuth's forge :( I hope she'll be playable in the next one (i would scream forever if there was a playable diamond)

did Steven really just answer the phone with Myello? Oh IT'S PERI. Aaaand we're learning about RPG mechanics. Meta.

frozen donuts are a thing?! :o

it's her. the square. she seems to be almost identical to how our peridot used to be, so i wonder what the difference in personality is. Aside from her favorite insult being pebble instead of clod

ah yes, ye old tennis match

man i love that you can form fusions in this game

oh lord, i don't wanna imagine what chaos would happen with two peridots. also Greg is taking ice damage during the cutscene, help him

oh no, they're meeting. of course the first thing Squaridot says is "WHY ARE YOU NAKED" (and they obvs flipped her sprite cause the gem's her other eye now)

hey look, new insults for my list of gem related curse words

weird, angry mirror indeed. imagine what they could do if they were friends!

oh RIP. why do you get to choose who murders Squaridot. I hope for more multi-peridot action in the future

wait, what machine did you rip that off of and when

i already knew Peri was playable but it's still cool. i love how she flutters her feet when she jumps! i wonder who the DLC character is going to be (lapis, probably. Bismuth would be metal, though)

"Clod-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named" oh my god i love you

"Whatchu talkin' bout Peri" the best, they're the best

Oh so wow, Hessonite is THE Hessonite, huh. Real famous. If she came out as a Crystal Gem, it would sure cause a stir

Yeah I was also wondering why she's sticking around instead of just leaving? and she is kind of leaving her troops scattered all over the place with no rhyme or reason

these are great names. The Great and Terrible Spikey McSpikeball! of course the guy playing picked the most boring one

i love how Peridot just fucking yeets her tablet to attack

sugilite tiny!

you know, i was gonna get this game anyway at some point, but it's nice to know that it's the kind of rpg i like, one where you can participate in the attacking and blocking process.

how dare you switch out peridot for pearl. you know what, next game i hope you can be everyone all the time cause there's too many good characters to pick from

whatchu doing up here pizza lady

yeah they just...all ran right in front of her directly in her line of vision and she didn't see them somehow

oh the prism is resisting. it really took Steven's words to heart last game

Hess my dear, is this prism your only friend (oh my god that's totally it isn't it)

is the wiki sure she can't teleport cause holy fuck is she fast

"Gugh, Peridot, this is just like when we tried to hunt you down. But worse...cause, y'know, she's actually threatening." rude

huh. i don't remember the pyramid temple blowing up and leaving debris, i thought the whole thing disintegrated cause it was a construct of the gem it was housing. looking at screenshots of Serious Steven it definitely did explode

are they really trying to tell me there was a pyramid under the pyramid and no one noticed

call it the Spooky Basement! call it the Spooky Basement! you disappoint me, player, although Secret Temple of Secrets isn't so bad

*steven rolls cheerfully through a skeleton and then everyone jumps down a big hole* um

yo there's a mural of Rose fighting some light warriors! that's rad as shit!

*gets to the hallway with the torches that turn on as you go by* gee i sure wish i could watch this with sound, but alas i am recovering from ear fatigue and it would be a bad idea.

oh my god he reset her preferences no wonder she's pissed XD

HOLY FUCKING CHRIST RIP AMETHYST AND PERIDOT GODDAMN AND GARNET TOO PIZZA LADY STRONK

wow she really is a genuine threat, she forced Rose and Pearl to give ground back in the day

oh no you did not just say that Pearl should come with you. fuck her up, P!

also i just realized that she is really tall. like 10 feet tall at least

aw no fair you can't just flashbang them all you dink

oh it's sapphire. wait has connie even met ruby and sapphire in the show? did we not get to see it?!

where the fuck even are you guys, i could swear that connie and greg fell off the platform into the abyss

wait, they don't have new forms, did they even regenerate? i don't think connie was out cold for that long. did they even poof? i saw colored clouds of dust but no gemstones. i mean, i know this is a game and all but it's also canon so ???

and peridot is breaking the fourth wall by commenting how you can't force her to sit at home at the moment

ancient thingamajig. wow is thingamajig a real word, my spellcheck is not yelling at me about it

yeah connie! kick her ass for me!

since when are gems into riddles. i wonder if anyone has made much headway into translating the written gem language yet, last i heard they hadn't made much progress. apparently only Steven Sugar knows what all the symbols mean

wait steven was watching connie and greg's parties running around that whole time? i guess even the game never leaves steven's POV. where even is he, in the prism realm? oh, the place was turning pink for a minute until he went towards the sparkly thing

steven is always accessing memories isn't he. at least these aren't his mom's this time

you might be getting sick of her steve but i'm sure not!

from far away it really looks like she's chillin' with a martini glass and i was about to scream

corruption beam :(

was he just like passed out on the floor somewhere hallucinating

aww, he picks up the light steven exp by hugging it :o

"Just feeling a little...light headed." i...puns?

the Light Warrior is the final boss of the first game right? ...i should have probably watched a video about that one first

oh i just had a thought! if they make a third one then we get to have Rainbow 2.0 and Sunstone and Obsidian in it! :D

woah, trippy. tbh steven's connection to the prism is kind of strange. i wanna know exactly where that thing came from and why it's so deeply connected to him now. did Hessonite have visions like this when it was hers?

yeah that's... if a place is connected by warp pad, wouldn't it be easy to find by just warping randomly? unless separate warp networks are a thing but still, you'd just have to sneak onto a CG warp pad and go. ....how do warps even work, they can go through roofs and stuff and there's like this whole other dimension with all the warps like stars in the background and ???

how does the forge even do an upgrade with no Bismuth. maybe i should stop trying to fit this into canon details

what makes you think Hessonite could see you? is this some Voldemort Harry Potter connection shit. is that actually how she found the forge, this game ain't explain much

oh that's...that's a big oof. bismuth was working on a huge-ass statue of Rose before they got into their argument

"i saw her again" what no you didn't, that was just a white screen with a text box

"Beats me how any of this whacky prism stuff works!" ...i feel called out

why does that bigger spaceship look like a funky piece of headwear to me

well, at least it's closer than the moon

oh what, Lion didn't come with you? didn't you need multiple roar warps to get to space last time, just above the earth still seems kind of far, also how did he know the coordinates of the ship, he could have easily sent them all into the void

?! and then he's there?!? already asleep? how???????

aww what you're going to tease me with a citrine guard but not let me see her?

freaky. strangely organic looking technology is nothing new but i don't think i've seen stuff oozing through it before

"Look at you, acting as though you have the moral high ground!" *shakes fist angrily* She's like Emerald, but better! I can't

i guess he did kind of steal it, but it was more like finders keepers really

whuh has the prism always been able to talk?

"a Prism" oh no are there more? probably

woah that's a big boy. What the heck does Spectral Conclusion mean. and the prism is inside it instead of it being a separate creation, interesting

aww, it's looking at itself in confusion. Steven reaches out to it with his words, as he does

the prism isn't really...doing a lot of attacking (cause the player is picking the right choices probably). oh nevermind, it has a hugely damaging rainbow cannon

/r/murderedbywords, except in a good way

"Destroy Steven!" huh since when does she know his name? she could have gotten it from several places, really

oh oh oh! it's pizza time! standing in the middle of them is probably not the best idea, but look at her, she's exuding confidence!

wait wait wait, when the player used a healing move, did i just see an option to heal the prism? or at least, it's health bar showed up. is it gonna help later?

can i have like, a full sprite sheet for Hessonite please and thanks

if this was in the show, steven would be dead from that hit

aaand Steven did two points of damage with his shield bash, she ain't even flinch

pearl what are you doing

wow, she also only did a few points of damage

is Hess like, super tough. i love how much of a threat she is, cause most Homeworld gems we've seen aren't all that scary

oh! oh! you can heal the prism! that's probably how you damage her cause you'd be here forever chipping away otherwise

HOLY FUCK, SHE JUST DID 270 POINTS OF DAMAGE, THAT'S LITERALLY ALL OF SUGILITE'S HEALTH. I know the wiki says that attack does massive damage but jeezus!

so far the prism hasn't done anything, they're just chipping away at her slowly

oh, so gems do poof in this game. i guess we're just ignoring new forms because it wouldn't make sense in the timeline if we didn't

huh, does pearl inflict burns in this game? oh and she shoots fireballs, guess that answers my question.

it's kind of sad that the status is doing more damage than everyone else combined

whuh, she just attacked the prism! RUDE.

stop beating up the prism you degenerate! i guess i shouldn't be shocked

hey, Garnet and Amethyst are alive again. ah finally, some damage now that Garnet's lowered her defense

A-Amethyst, you're facing the wrong way. i wish Hess had targeted her with her big attack, then i could have made an "oh no she has airpods in" joke

oh, but the player formed Smoky, so she's not even aiming at anyone in particular anymore lol. she went for Pearl tho, fuckin' eviscerated

is this battle normally this long, it's been almost 10 minutes

this battle would probably be much harder if she didn't waste her turn being a bitch and attacking the prism. gee, and you wonder why it doesn't want to listen to you after encountering steven's kindness. i wonder...what would happen if you let the prism's HP get to zero? it would take a long ass time but...now i really wanna know but i doubt there’s any videos about it!

garnet's rocket fist did damage to the prism cause Hess is standing next to it. c-can you attack the prism, is that how you get the bad ending??

man, they haven't even had to heal because she's just beaten up on that poor thing for the past 10 turns. i mean, really, she could easily murder all of them in a heartbeat if she wanted

ok finally, she is defeato. I'd feel more sad for you if you didn't abuse your subordinates (definitely has detracted from my liking of her, i won't be too hard on her for it though because Homeworld is bad like that and she doesn't know better). at least you’re good at eating your humble pie without complaint

oh, i guess you get to choose your ending? it's kind of weird that it's not like, influenced by your game choices. cause technically like this it's your choice, not the prism's choice. so what was with the prism having health then. was it just to show how awful Hessonite is to it?

also, i can't look at light Steven without thinking of Pink!Steven and hhhhh

"You're a wise creature, aren't you?" Yes, yes he is *nods sagely* I hope you come back someday to learn more from him

You're pretty adaptive, huh Hess? of course, if you've been having these thoughts and feelings for thousands of years you're probably not too shaken up by the realization that they're true. That’s actually pretty great of you to want to figure yourself out.

ha, so Garnet didn't let her leave like the wiki made it sound like, she just yeeted away, and good luck catching anyone who can move at 5 million miles per hour

the gems are running in place in the next scene and Amethyst is backwards again. connie is also facing the wrong way. ...this game's a bit jank, isn't it :P not that i mind, a little jank is fun!

Peridot breaking the fourth wall with her Are Pee Gee again. I wonder which one it is. Golf Quest Mini?

do you get anything for 100 percenting this? oh, i guess there's achievements. no bonus content tho?

Lapis: I think I could use a break.

i for one would like to know what book the prism was reading. also, it's back to not talking again.

AWW YIS! We goin' out for pizza tonight bois!

The gems finally get to stop running in place in the corner

aaww, it's a beach scene reminiscent of the opening. kind of weird that greg is the only one animated but still cute

also someone's last name is Gooch and i feel bad for them

alright now to google Hessonite's VO... Christine Baranski. Are-Are we just hiring broadway singers for everyone now? not only would I die if Hessonite made an appearance in season 6, my soul would reach the farthest realms of space if she sang a song on top of that.

well, that's a wrap! time to jot down all of Hess's dialogue for later reference! It’s a crime that there’s so few fanfics about her, she actually has a lot of potential!

#steven universe #save the light #hessonite #su #reaction #liveblog

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the-energon-hole · 7 years ago

Note

Hey um I know this may sound a little weird but if you didn't mind um I struggle with Suicidal thoughts and Self Harm would you be willing to write Comfort for it with Team Prime? or is it over the line??

((A/N I don’t mind writing things like this- I just want to let you know if you are starring down that hole and you fell like you could walk over that edge, please don’t do t. Get help- I’ve been there so many times, I’ve been a long time sufferer of depression and anxiety that I know what to look for in yourself when things just become to much for me to handle. You are strong, and I believe in you being able to get through the hard times.

These are all derived from real feelings and are all the wrong ways I’ve tried to cope with these feelings. Once I opened up to people they were almost always willing to help me through the times in which my ind is foggy and I can’t see past my own senses. Support is so important, get help if you need it, no one should think less of you for it.))

Optimus Prime

You were a sobbing mess as you stood there practically bare and raw in front of the illustrious leader of the Autobot cause, and arguably, the most important being in the entirety of the universe. He explained how he bore witness to your self destructive behavior over the last few months, and he was growing with an increasing concern about your well being and emotional situation. You broke down right then and there in front of the Prime, sobbing so hard you began to hiccup and practically choke on your own breath- you were not used to someone as important as Optimus giving you attention, let alone confront you about such sensitive and private things.

You were not ungrateful, just genuinely surprised that someone would even take notice.

“Take all the time you need, young one.”

His baritone voice was soothing as you rode out your small breakdown in front of him, as he not once removed his attention from you even though you were certain his time was better spent elsewhere. You sniffed a few times and wiped your now sticky and puffy face on the sleeve of your jacket.

Explaining things to him was hard, just because you have never had someone to confess your pain to so wholly. At first you were in doubt he would understand- he was an all powerful being, why would he care about the suffering of one measly little squishy like you? You were shocked when he took his hand and gently stroked at your dry and sticky cheek with his digit as he explained a similar situation he faced back home on Cybertron- emotional support was important no matter what species you were, and he promised from now on that if you needed a face to vent to that he was more than willing to help yu work out your problems with you. He even said if you couldn’t work out a solution to your problems right way, it’s always nice to just share and talk about what you are going through.

Your heart melted as he opened himself up to you, no one has ever offered it before, and it made you so grateful that someone in this universe actually cared about you. You hugged his hand tightly as you cried a little bit more as you felt yourself unwinding just a little from the knot you had bunched yourself into on the inside of your mind.

Ratchet

As someone in the medical professional field, especially in his line of work and expertise, mental health if probably one of the most important subjects right up there next to making sure one has a safe place to sleep and a good source of energon. He took notice of you sitting alone in the dark in the base all by yourself and decided to investigate to make sure everything was alright- he didn’t want to pry, but he was noticing dangerous signs in you that he has seen all to often in his fellow bots.

You were displaying self destructive behaviors in a way that gave little or no regard to your own life, and it scarred him a little. He even researched human psychology on the internet to see if your behavior was normal or not.It wasn’t.

He confronted you, and all you could do was stare at the floor and whine a little at what felt like an out of nowhere attack on your character. You aggressively explained how things in your life aren’t going so hot right now, and that nothing you do seems to be working and it was just making your whole situation worse. You were surprised when after you basically yelled and screamed at Ratchet, the infamously hot tempered doctor, he just placed a hand on his chin and looked deep in thought.

He wasn’t going to yell back? THrow something at you? Make you want to jump off of a bridge?

“What you are displaying are classic signs of human depression- from my research it is beneficial for me to tell you that you are very valid in what you are experiencing and feeling.”

He told you Cybertronians have a similar illness, and the best way to cure it is with therapy and drugs, but since you didn’t have access to the drugs you needed to fix the chemical imbalance in your brain- well, Ratchet took it upon himself to go out of his way to do little extra things to make you happy, and to also act as your faux counselor until you can find a real qualified one.

You cried when he said that, you never knew this old rusted bucket of bolts could be so kind, maybe you should bare your soul to people more often- most will understand, ad the ones who don’t are not worth your time.

Bumblebee

You sighed as you sat in the middle of the desert, just staring at nothing as you were dissociating, but that was better than the other option as those involved letting your anxiety take over you thoughts with intrusive ideas to hurt yourself so badly you can’t recover from your injuries. It made you sick to think that your brain would show you such things, whisper such things, and insist it was the best thing for you to do.

You didn’t notice Bumblebee sitting next to you, and you didn’t notice the sun begin to dip over the horizon.

He beeped at you with concern.

You did hear that though, and you checked your phone to notice you did in fact lose many hours just sitting here in the dusty dirt staring at the same barrel cactus and you couldn’t help but let a few tears fall from your eyes as you sniffed to try to keep your composure together, Bee doesn’t need to see you like this- no one needs to see you like this. This is your problem and no one else’s problem… Right?

He beeped at you sadly and placed a comforting hand behind your back for you to lean into, and honestly, you were happy he did so because it finally hit you how tired you really were.

“Hey Bee, do you ever get like, you know- thoughts of hurting yourself so frequently that you are afraid you might actually do it?”

He beeped at you with concern as he nodded his head yes- he also did his best to give simple beeps in mores code for you to translate explaining that growing up seeing as much war as he has, it was something he thought about often- his method of dealing with it was talking about it with the other Autobots, and allowing them to distract from those terribly intrusive thoughts until before you know it they are just gone and you never have to worry about them coming back.

It was sound advice, and you sniffed one last time as you smiled when he offered you a ride back to civilization- you two can talk about it more once you get cleaned up from all the dirt and dust that has accumulated over you from sittin gut here alone for s long.

Arcee

Your obsessive pacing and muttering was starting to get on her ast nerve as she was trying to focus on the work she had to do in front of her- and since you and her were the only ones in the base she figured she should let you know your behavior was grating on her last nerve. SHe called your name multiple times in multiple tones, but you were unresponsive as you chewed on your thumb and continued to mutter things she couldn’t quite make out.She knew something was really wrong then.

She tapped you on your shoulder and you let out an unholy scream that rattled her to the very core of her being, and once you were done screaming and panting you began to look around as if you were confused as to where you were and what was going on. You asked her what day it was, how long have you been here, were you even still alive or was this the after life in which you had to experience. Ok, now she gets it, that one question made it all very clear to her.

“You aren’t feeling well, are you?” She asked as you looked up to her with tears in the corners of your eyes.

Oh, everything was horrible, you couldn’t sleep at night because the urge to just thrust yourself upon a knife was just so strong you were afraid you were actually going to do it .You tried so many things to take your mind from your pain, but nothing worked- no video game, movie, or task can make you forget what is troubling you. She stopped you right there as you began to pace and mutter once more, and she was genuinely afraid you might lose control of yourself.

SHe transformed and basically forced you onto her seat- and without any words once you placed the helmet upon your head she took you out for one of the longest drives you have ever been on. It was so soothing to just watch the small town disappear in the horizon as you made your way basically to the next state over just seeing how beautiful the world was- this was the distraction you needed form all the noise.

Once you returned you cried a little as she stood in front of you, quite tired herself as long drives always made her sleepy. She insisted that if you need to talk to come to her right away, and that she was mostly down to drive you in any direction at any time if you ever needed it. Long drives have always helped clear her head, and she was pleased to find out that it can help you clear the fog of anxiety in your mind as well.

Bulkhead

You must have been wailing louder than you thought you were, as you dew the attention of the nearest by Autobot, which happened to be one of the biggest gentle giants you have ever come across. He didn’t ask you what was wrong and he just acted on instinct as he lifted you off the ground and pulled you up to his chest to let you finish crying about whatever was upsetting you. He noticed recently that you were a little more sensitive than usual, always ready to fight with the other kids in the group- it was concerning for him as he didn’t want all fo you to lose your friendship over something that can be fixed.Once you were coherent enough to speak, you told Bulkhead all of the things that plagued your mind. He listened and nodded, giving small responses as he let you vent and speak in hopes that maybe it would help you feel better.

It did. A little.

“I know the feeling, I get like that to sometimes- things seem hopeless and sometimes it feels easier to just think maybe if you weren’t here things could somehow magically get better- but they won’t.”

He explained how being thrusted into a war no one even wanted to fight, it always left a sour taste on his glossa to slay and kill other Cybertronians he would have once happily shared a glass of high grade with. Life’s hard- and he was no psychologist or whatever, but he knows how overwhelming things can get when all of those little things stack up and you can feel yourself become so agitated you are screaming at inanimate objects that can’t respond to your bad behavior.

He suggested talking to Ratchet about it, because he was a good doctor and could help for more things than just those of physical ailments, he also offered to be here if you needed someone to scream at-he can take it. He pounded his chest with his fist in a way that made you laugh while he explained his skin was so thick that nothing you can say will penetrate his armor! It was sweet of him to offer to let you scream at him anytime you are feeling frustratingly destructive, but maybe just having nice quiet talks in enough to make you feel better.

What a big and bulky sweetheart he turned out to be.

(04/28/18)

#Transformers Prime #Optimus Prime #Ratchet #Bumblebee #Arcee #Bulkhead #Long Post #Sensitive #Hurt/Comfort #Drabble

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hoidn · 7 years ago

Text

AO3 Writer Meme! copied right from @sarking (thank you!), who said:

Thirty-three questions and answers under the cut, along with a handy list of the questions so you don’t have to delete my answers when you write your own. Because I care, dammit.

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

i’m sorry to say that it’s a very boring origin story. i love trees. that’s it. tree started as my username on livejournal in 2001; five years later when i began writing fic, it made sense to use the same name because that’s how people already knew me. it was the name i used when i began volunteering for the OTW, and so it was the name i joined the archive with. the end.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback (bookmarks, subscriptions, hits, kudos)?

[what she said:] I somewhat object to calling anything other than kudos or comments feedback, but:

Most bookmarks: Hearing Light (124, wow) [this is the number on my stats page, although the number on the work is 89, so idk.]

Most subscriptions: if you came this way (17)

Most hits: A Wild and Distant Shore (21,944 HOLY SHIT) [it took me three tries to figure out how to see my hit counts; also my top 5 are now all pride and prejudice fics, heh.]

Most kudos: A Wild and Distant Shore (629)

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

it’s a photo of a bookshelf with the text “take me to the library. it is urgent.” i chose it because it’s very ‘me’ in the sense that i love books, i love libraries, and i have been known to have urgent library needs. also it just amuses me.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

um, no? i mostly write in small fandoms, or larger fandoms that are no longer very active, and i write infrequently, and i rarely write long fics, all of which combined means that there’s not much consistency in the comments.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

i mean, i have thousands of fics saved, and i’ve read them all at least twice. at least.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

i have 21 subscriptions to works and, looking at them, i realise i don’t have any idea what most of them are. i’ve got 287 bookmarks.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

i’ve written a grand total of one. based on that: sex worker AU!

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

User Subscriptions: 65 (wow, really? i bet they’re very disappointed. sorry, folks!)

Bookmarks: 1064

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

not other people; it’s more about me judging myself. like, i started writing a luke/lorelai alpha/omega fic? i’m somewhat horrified?

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

i feel like any answer to this question would require me to just... be someone else. for example, i’d like to be better at replying to comments and i’d like to write more consistently. but both of those things are constrained by the state of my brain. so either someone invents a drug to “cure” me, or i have to somehow magically become not-mentally-ill. while i’m not opposed to either of those things happening, they don’t seem very likely.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

the thing is, a lot of my fandoms are small (or tiny), and in them the popular ships are still rarepairs in a larger sense. (right now, for example, there are 62 works tagged with walt/vic at the archive, and that’s across both the book and tv show fandoms.) so from my perspective those two things are not mutually exclusive. that said, it appears i generally write ships that are popular within the context of an individual fandom.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

66.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

why do you hurt me this way? is it really necessary to flaunt my inadequacies, meme writer? is it?! between the old stuff i haven’t migrated over from scrivener and what i’ve got in bean it’s... more than 50, less than 100?

[what she said #2:] PS. Thank you to whoever originally wrote these questions for saying “writing program” and not “AO3 Drafts.” DON’T WRITE YOUR SHIT ON AO3, KIDS. I BEG YOU, SUPPORT BEGS YOU, THE POSTING FORM BEGS YOU.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

both. that is, i keep them in my head until i can’t stand it anymore. then i write them down.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

no. the closest i’ve come is when i betad a story for an xf writer and in the course of that she asked me to write a parallel version from scully’s pov (as a complement to hers, which was from mulder’s).

16. How did you discover AO3?

i remember being aware of something being developed through discussions linked from metafandom at livejournal. then i think i lost track of it a bit, until a friend mentioned they were volunteering for the OTW and the org was looking for more volunteers and i signed up. i did documentation for a while, maybe a year? volunteers got an automatic invite to AO3 and i moved into tag wrangling then.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

ahahahahahahaha no. i am neither popular nor famous. anywhere.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

[what she said #3:] That… that is a thing people do?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

no. i’ve been writing since i learned how to do it as a wee bairn. i started writing fic because one day i just had an idea that hadn’t been there the day before. that’s basically how it’s always worked. which is not to say that i haven’t received meaningful encouragement from other people, or that there aren’t writers who i admire so much i’d give up a kidney to have half their abilities, but even without that i’d still be writing. it’s the way my brain is wired, alas.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

learn

what

words

mean

i honestly cannot emphasise this enough. it’s gotten to the point that i’ve begun finding trends as i go through different fandoms where it’s clear people are just copying the use of words as they’ve seen others do, without any awareness of what they actually mean. i am not exaggerating when i say that it makes me want to cry.

here’s a very common example: bemused. friends, this is not a synonym for amused. it means puzzled or confused. but you wouldn’t know that from reading a lot of fic.

there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what a word means when you encounter it for the first time. no one knows every single word in a given language. when you come across a word you don’t know, or even just don’t entirely recall the meaning of, look it up! the dictionary is your friend. it’s also a magical resource where you can make connections between words and learn stuff! if you use a mac, you already have an excellent in-built dictionary which includes a thesaurus and etymological details. if you don’t have a mac it’s still very easy to get access to a dictionary. i recommend the OED above everything and there’s a phone app for that which is free.

as a writer, words are your tools. don’t be afraid of them. but as with any tool, you need to learn how to use it before you can create something good.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

what is this ‘plot’ of which you speak? it’s a bit of both. sometimes i’m writing towards an ending i already know and i’m just not sure how i’m going to get there. sometimes i start with the idea of something i want to achieve thematically or in terms of character and the story forms the ending itself as it progresses.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

i’m not sure what a bad comment means in this context. i’ve never gotten any hardcore flames or anything. i’ve gotten comments that i found personally offensive or upsetting but that i doubt most other writers would. i’m an outlier and shouldn’t be counted.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

all of them? i don’t know; different scenes present different challenges. i don’t think any of them are harder than the others, just hard in different ways.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

my brain exploded with bits of a longmire fic less than twelve hours after finishing season 6. that’s now ballooned to two i’ve started writing, and like three more buzzing around in my head and being annoying. but also i’m supposed to be working on gilmore girls fic. and voyager fic. and xf fic. &etc.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

please define ‘plan’. given my answer to #13, i believe the answer is obvious.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

that sound you hear is my bitter laughter. short answer: no. longer answer: goals usually end up feeding into my mental illness. didn’t meet today’s goal? it’s because you’re worthless! and tomorrow you’ll be behind and the burden of the goal will be doubled and you won’t make it and you’ll be even more worthless! just punish yourself now and save time!

additionally, i’ve learned over the course of multiple nanowrimo and big bang challenges that writing now and editing later doesn’t work for me. i can’t successfully progress with a story if the bulk of it isn’t already complete. when we had to turn in rough drafts of papers in school, i always had to write the complete paper, then go back and create a fake draft. basically it takes me a lot longer to revise words that i’ve just blurted out in order to meet a word count than it would take me to just write and revise at the same time.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

(i’m choosing to answer this wrt fic writing only, since otherwise the answer would be yes of course because i’m not four years old anymore. so) yes and no. i believe i’ve become a better prose writer; that i’m better at dialogue and moving scenes forward. but i also feel like i’ve lost something as well; it’s as if, in exchange for what i’ve gained, i’ve had to give something away. i might be wrong. or it might just be a natural evolution of style. i really don’t know.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

right now i’d have to say if you came this way. there is a lot of me in there, though in ways i don’t believe anyone else would recognise, and so it’s a very personal fic. writing it was also probably the most joyful writing experience i’ve ever had--at least for the first two thirds. so it reminds me of that giddy, wonderful feeling.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Camera Lucida I: Latency. because it’s not really my story. all i did was write another perspective of the story someone else had already written. and not in a remix-y way. i literally just replaced the narrative sections she had written and slotted scully’s internal pov into it in place of mulder’s.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

all things being equal, in exactly the same place as now. i mean, i’d like to say that in five years i’ll have finished writing my giant backlog of things-in-various-stages-of-being-written, and writing regularly, and all that good stuff. but i might not even be alive in five years. and even if i am, the likelihood of a magical transformation is, as i said before, unlikely.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

thinking about it. if there were a way to get thoughts directly into text, i’d have written a hell of a lot more. also, research. i love research! it’s a great means of procrastination because you still get the sense of accomplishing something.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

the part where you actually have to write. it’s pulling-teeth, blood-from-a-stone hard and i honestly wish i didn’t need to do it, but i always get to a point where i simply can’t not write. like, it gets painful? in a particular way in my brain. it’s like pressure and an incessant song lyric you can’t get out of your head combined and it gets worse and worse until you finally just give up and write down whatever the hell it is that’s in there. unfortunately, the whatever-the-hell-that’s-in-there is never a complete story, so then begins the struggle of trying to make it one.

33. Why do you write?

like i said, it’s the way my brain is wired. i can’t not. and humans are a storytelling species. the very means by which we construct the idea of our individual selves is through the stories we tell ourselves. every memory, every conversation, every piece of our life is a story; we are stories within stories. i always think the question should be: why doesn’t everyone write?

Question list:

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? 2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback (bookmarks, subscriptions, hits, kudos)? 3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it? 4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters? 5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again? 6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? 7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most? 8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page) 9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!) 10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. 11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often? 12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)? 13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program? 14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head? 15. Have you ever co-authored a story? 16. How did you discover AO3? 17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3? 18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? 19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write? 20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author? 21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go? 22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do? 23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..) 24. What story(s) are you working on now? 25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)? 26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself? 27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started? 28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written? 29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written? 30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years? 31. What is the easiest thing about writing? 32. What is the hardest thing about writing? 33. Why do you write?

#writing is more surprise than certainty #me and my charms #words are my life

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