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Radio Abel, Season Six

Part 3 of 6

The following section takes place after S6M6, “Bridge Over Troubled Water”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And that's it for us, citizens.

ZOE CRICK: Not "it" it, but it for a while.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes. In a show of comradeship with our close allies, Fort Canton, we'll be -

ZOE CRICK: Comradeship? Don't tell me Amelia didn't bribe someone to get this to happen.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, there was an offer to second some of Canton's best runners to Abel long-term, yes. But that's just the sort of mutually beneficial -

ZOE CRICK: Like I said, bribery.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Anyway, we're going to be off the air for a little while to free up this frequency for Fort Canton's very own Bernard, the voice from the township that's going to be tearing up the airwaves in our absence.

ZOE CRICK: That was terrible! I mean, even graded on a curve of your terrible wordplays, that was bad.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, sometimes I'm just not feeling it. But we'll be back before you know it. This is Radio Name Pending, signing off. For now.

BERNARD PRIOR: Ahoy-hoy to you, fair listeners! Bernard Prior here. Welcome to my very first broadcast out on jolly old airwaves with the thrilling premiere edition of New Canton Today! I'll be keeping you up to date with all the movers and shakers in the shark-infested waters of our local political scene! [laughs] As it were.

But before that, I'm going to play you some sounds! Spinning the vinyl. [laughs] Good gracious, old Bernard is a disc jockey! So here we go. Kicking off with a special favorite of mine.

BERNARD PRIOR: Welcome back to you, dear listeners. So, I'm sure you're asking yourselves, if you have even an ounce of [?], what is that old fool doing on my wireless? What is this New Canton Today malarkey? Well, let me tell you, listeners, this is rather momentous for me, because I'm going to be talking politics.

Funnily enough, I considered going into the old politics, or perhaps the Foreign Office. You know, back in the day, when I was a young sapling. But it was not to be for your erstwhile Bernard Jr. However, our bountiful Lady Fortune has smiled upon me now, because the world is in a state of political turmoil. And the hub of that turmoil? Why, our very own New Canton.

So I welcome you now to a radio show about our modern world politic. I welcome you, friends, to New Canton Today!

BERNARD PRIOR: That was an appropriately dramatic track for our purposes. But now, tally-ho. Onwards, friends! Lickety-split, for there is more. New Canton Today is not merely an in-depth guide for you, faithful listeners, to the current state of our brave new world. It is going to be filtered through the enlightening lens of fair Lady History!

I studied a smidgen of history as a whippersnapper, and of course the old politics, philosophy, economics, and such like, and I am here to tell you all about how the ancient ideas of our forefathers are still at work in the fiefdoms and city states we see emerging today. Gripping stuff, what? Stay tuned, my friends! Stay tuned.

BERNARD PRIOR: Ahoy-hoy once more, and welcome back to New Canton Today, with me, your humble host, Bernard Prior. Now, let me present my thesis. I have heard our current times described as uprecedented, and while I don't dispute that we don't have a great deal of precedent for zombies running around all over the bally place, that aside, I have a humble theory, which is to say that these times are very much precedented.

If you will allow me to demonstrate, let me cover first the rudiments of Plato's Republic, a work of genius that outline principles we still use even today.

AMELIA SPENS: Plato? Oh, give me strength. This is meant to be a fast-paced topical show, not ancient bloody history.

BERNARD PRIOR: Why ever not? I'm explaining the origins of democracy, Amelia. What could be more topical?

AMELIA SPENS: Good grief, your listeners must be tuning out in droves. The ones who are still awake. Stop droning on and play a tune to liven things up.

BERNARD PRIOR: I don't quite know why you're here, Miss Spens. This is meant to be my show. You said division of labor. You said you run New Canton, and I, as your deputy, get to have a radio show.

AMELIA SPENS: You do! This is that radio show. Look at all this... radio... stuff.

BERNARD PRIOR: I know. But I thought it would be all mine.

AMELIA SPENS: It is! Sort of.

BERNARD PRIOR: Stop moving that fader, you'll bring up the next – oh! Too late.

BERNARD PRIOR: I just didn't expect you to be copresenting with me, Miss Spens. It's always a pleasure to be in your fragrant company, of course, but New Canton Today is very much my pièce de résistance. My magnum opus. I see myself as the auteur, the driving force, the big cheese -

AMELIA SPENS: Big ego, more like. Now stop being so silly. I can bring a lot to your show. Who knows more about local politics than me?

BERNARD PRIOR: True. But don't you have more work to do, in doing... whatever it is you do?

AMELIA SPENS: Maybe I like spending time with you, Bernie! Now, here's the stuff for your next bulletin. Make sure you read it all out on air. It's riveting stuff.

MAXINE MYERS: Welcome back to Ask Dr. Maxine. Today's question is from someone writing under the name It Pays To Be Prepared. Prepared asks, "Can I self-amputate to remove a limb with a zombie bite and prevent the infection from spreading?"

Well, Prepared, it's remotely possible that if a torniquet is applied immediately after a bite to an extremity, and the surgery performed without delay, an emergency amputation or cauterization might prevent the infection from spreading. I don't know of any experimental data to suggest success, however.

PAULA COHEN: You know, given the alternative, it might be worth a try, with the subject's consent. However, I'd recommend keeping them restrained and under observation for at least 72 hours afterword. And to be prepared to carry out more extreme containment measures if they do, then, go gray. Sorry. Take care of yourselves.

BERNARD PRIOR: Welcome back to New Canton Today! The latest news is that a new security allegiance has been formed between the First New Nation of New Freedom, and the Wombles. Oh, how jolly! Do you think they're the actual Wombles?

AMELIA SPENS: No, Bernard, I think they're a group of unwashed hippies who happen to live on Wimbledon Common and think they're being adorable. If they picked up litter, it would be a bleeding miracle. Personally, I think they actually count as litter themselves.

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh. That is disappointing. I was hoping for a bit of childish wonder, there.

AMELIA SPENS: You were hoping for the real Wombles?

BERNARD PRIOR: It is possible, with mutations and such like, perhaps?

AMELIA SPENS: You're ridiculous.

BERNARD PRIOR: Thank you, Miss Spens.

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh, listeners, that was what I call a banging tune! When that beat dropped, well, I tapped my feet, let me tell ya! This is New Canton Today with Bernard Prior, comin' atcha like Cleopatra! [laughs] Quick aside, listeners, Cleo was actually my first crush. What ho? Heavens, Bernie, I didn't know you were that old! [laughs] You cheeky blighters! I merely had a much-loved copy of A Boy's Illustrated Shakespeare. I have a thing for kohl to this day. Now, shall we have another? Oh, I jolly well think so. Boom! As they say.

BERNARD PRIOR: Now, Amelia has gone to conduct some nefarious machinations, allowing your humble anchor man to finally get back to the point.

[clears throat] The first thing to recognize about our current political climate and the constantly changing political geography, our endless redrawn maps, is that this is not a new situation. Not at all! In fact, this ramshackle collection of townships and dukedoms, city states and smallholdings, is how mankind has often chosen to live. In ancient times, in the stem duchies of medieval Germany, the clans of bonnie Scotland, the homesteads of the American frontier. Oh, all over the blinking shop. This is not, dear friends, a calamitous sea change. Rather, on the grand stage of world history, this is a return to normality! I will concede, normality plus zombies.

MAXINE MYERS: Paula stepped out for a moment, but our current question is from Pulling Your Leg, and it, uh... oh, it's a greeting card with a puppy on the front. This didn't come by email. "Dear Dr. Maxine, I'm sorry about the Infected in Essex question. I wanted to give you a headstart before other letters started rolling in, but it seems like you're going fine on your own. All love, HRH Jamie I, by the grace of God, King of England."

Oh! Thanks, Your Majesty! It was a kind thought. It's good to know that my instincts aren't all bad. Just so you know, though, if anybody involved in this gets a necrotic wound, maggot debridement is the first line of treatment from now on.

AMELIA SPENS: You know, Bernie, your last broadcast was actually quite fascinating.

BERNARD PRIOR: Thanks for sounding so surprised, dear heart.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, you are quite impossible to compliment. I don't know why I bother, sometimes.

BERNARD PRIOR: I was not aware that you ever bothered. Now if I could just go on to explain the Balkanization of the Ottoman Empire -

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, do. But first, what is a stem duchy?

BERNARD PRIOR: It's a kind of biscuit.

AMELIA SPENS: If you're going to be like – wait. Is it?

BERNARD PRIOR: No. But if you do have a biscuit, I am rather peckish.

AMELIA SPENS: I do, actually. Shall I play a track while you put the kettle on?

BERNARD PRIOR: You know, Millie, pleasant as this is, tucked away in a warm studio, imparting wisdom to the unwashed masses, the afternoon sun dappling the grass through the window, there is one thing missing.

AMELIA SPENS: I know. It's a finalization of Radial Territory's import-export pact. Perhaps I shouldn't vent like this on the airwaves with my status, but ugh! Those people! You'd think they'd never had a basic trade deal explained to them. Sad.

BERNARD PRIOR: No, that is actually not what I'm referring to. I can live without you being able to offload a surplus of cable knit pullovers. It's these biscuits. These biscuits, as I'm sure you are aware, are deeply inferior to the great prince of biscuits. The king, duke, nay, the God of the cookie kind! I'm talking about Jaffa Cakes, my dear lady. Have you noticed it's been a while since we last saw one?

AMELIA SPENS: Jaffa Cakes? Are you being serious?

BERNARD PRIOR: I am, as the young people say, as serious as cancer. Where are my goddamn Jaffa Cakes?

BERNARD PRIOR: I've considered asking that nice Sam Yao from Abel about the critical Jaffa Cakes situation. You know the chap.

AMELIA SPENS: Of course I do.

BERNARD PRIOR: Lovely man. So polite. And energetic! Excellent qualities in a young person. You know, if I was 20 years younger -

AMELIA SPENS: 20? More like 40 years younger. Wait. What? If you were 20 years younger, you'd what, exactly?

BERNARD PRIOR: Why, I'd challenge the lad to a game of one-on-one cricket. No point these days, though, sadly. He'd trounce me, with my knee.

AMELIA SPENS: I see.

BERNARD PRIOR: What did you think I meant?

AMELIA SPENS: Nothing! Nothing.

BERNARD PRIOR: I never really knew you were so interested in politics.

AMELIA SPENS: I'm interested in power, Bernie. All forms of power. Knowing who's allied with who, what could be more fascinating? I am surprised not everyone keeps up with it.

BERNARD PRIOR: Perhaps because it's so complicated. Even an aficionado such as I has trouble. Who are the First New Nation of New Freedom?

AMELIA SPENS: They're a group of ex-security guards. Basically, three vans full of bad tempers and cricket bats.

BERNARD PRIOR: Cricket bats? How jolly. Do they play?

AMELIA SPENS: They play at threatening to hit people with cricket bats.

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh. More disappointment.

BERNARD PRIOR: Still no Jaffa Cakes, I notice.

AMELIA SPENS: Hmm?

BERNARD PRIOR: I've been investigating the bickie drought. It's quite mysterious. No one has seen hide nor hair of a smashing orangey bit for months now!

AMELIA SPENS: They've probably run out.

BERNARD PRIOR: Unless there's more to it than that.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, really? Like what?

BERNARD PRIOR: Like a conspiracy!

AMELIA SPENS: I doubt it. Look, we have Hobnobs.

BERNARD PRIOR: Hobnobs, pah! Hobnobs, Miss Spens, are not fit to kiss the booted toe of Lady Jaffa Cake! But I ask you this – why should we have a glut of Hobnobs and yet not a whisper of the Jaffa Cake? Hobnobs have their fans, misguided as they might be, and yet one biscuit vanishes while the other persists. It grows rummer and rummer, if you ask me. Listeners, fear not. I will get to the bottom of this travesty.

BERNARD PRIOR: This is Bernard Prior, and you're listening to New Canton Today! Keep it locked! Oh yes, [laughs] I'm really getting the hang of this. This is Bernie P. on the airwaves, bringing you education, chat, and tunes every afternoon on New Canton Today! This is Bernard Prior, bringing you teatime tunes and biscuit bangers! [laughs] Nice.

BERNARD PRIOR: I've been tracking the movements of the last known shipments of Jaffa Cakes. Guess where they were last tracked?

AMELIA SPENS: Your tea tray?

BERNARD PRIOR: Radial Territory.

AMELIA SPENS: No!

BERNARD PRIOR: Ah, now she's interested, listeners! Now she's interested. The game is afoot, if I might make so bold.

MAXINE MYERS: Today's question is from On Everyone's Mind, who asks, "Dear Dr. Maxine, who's working on the cure? Is there a cure? I am not sure how much longer I can keep doing this without some kind of hope."

[sighs] Well, Everyone, there is no cure. Yet! But a lot of people in various locations, including myself and Paula, are working on treatments and preventatives, and I am hopeful that before too long, that we will have something in trials. I – I wish I could tell you something more definite, but I just can't, right now. Look um, let's uh... let's just go to a song now, shall we?

BERNARD PRIOR: Ahoy-hoy, dear listeners. And that blistering track leads me very nicely into today's politcal section. Yes, that's right. Amelia Spens, my occasional cohost and head girl, is off flexing her considerable deal-making muscles, leaving old Bernie free to delve into the murky depths of political history. How about time for some jolly old Marx on this gray afternoon? Das Kapital, what what?

AMELIA SPENS: Give me strength.

BERNARD PRIOR: Amelia? You've sneaked in again. I thought I'd locked the door, as we're on air.

AMELIA SPENS: I know. I've had a master key made. Opens every door in New Canton. It's just a little more convenient. For me. And it means I can get in here in case of urgent news, or if I don't want you to know I'm coming.

BERNARD PRIOR: I see. How typically resourceful. And is there any urgent news?

AMELIA SPENS: Nah. Actually, things are pretty quiet. But I thought I'd stop by and make sure your program wasn't veering into the murky jungles of the deadly dull again. This is meant to be a fast-paced, modern, topical show. Have you considered doing some humorous skits?

BERNARD PRIOR: Not really. So no Marx?

AMELIA SPENS: No Marx, Bernie! Play a song, and if you must do this educational thing, find something a little more dynamic for your poor listeners.

BERNARD PRIOR: Change of plan, listeners. Today, I would love to talk about the very appropriate, upbeat, and dynamic Signor Niccolò Machiavelli and his seminal work, The Prince.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, much better! This might even be interesting.

BERNARD PRIOR: Indeed, it will. And we'll be right back with that after this.

BERNARD PRIOR: Now, ever patient and radiant listeners, I did say I would love to tell you about Machiavelli's The Prince, a work which, from memory, contains a wealth of advice and guidance to the stripling ruler of a fiefdom in how to make allies and subvert enemies. The incisive thinker Machiavelli invites the prince to put his own interests at the heart of his policies, for are not his interests those of the nation?

Now, listeners, I would love to read you some favorite passages, if I had a copy of the book. Sadly, I don't. And as you're probably aware, Amelia, the British Library is on the other side of the wall.

AMELIA SPENS: Is it?

BERNARD PRIOR: It is. And most of the smaller libraries have been raided for fuel.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh yes! I did a roaring trade in book bundles a while back. "Roaring" trade, get it?

BERNARD PRIOR: You sold books for burning?

AMELIA SPENS: Of course. People were cold, Bernie.

BERNARD PRIOR: But Amelia, books! The knowledge of humankind. Would you set light to the Library of Alexandria because you got a bit chilly?

AMELIA SPENS: People weren't chilly, B. They had hypothermia. You think a person freezing to death shouldn't burn a book to stay warm?

BERNARD PRIOR: It's the principle!

AMELIA SPENS: Really? They ought to freeze?

BERNARD PRIOR: Perhaps not. It's an interesting quandary. I know to you, it made a tidy profit.

AMELIA SPENS: I had overheads.

BERNARD PRIOR: Listeners, I think that is as good a lesson on the politics of self-interest as I could have taught with a book in my hand. Until next time, try not to burn any books unless it's a matter of life or death.

AMELIA SPENS: Or profit margins.

BERNARD PRIOR: Welcome to New Canton Today. A new trading bloc was formed yesterday afternoon between Radial, Pop Max and Kix after talks between Kix and our own New Canton broke down late last week under mysterious circumstances.

AMELIA SPENS: Damn them, damn them all! Let me tell you, I will crush them!

BERNARD PRIOR: She doesn't mean that, listeners.

AMELIA SPENS: I do! I promised Kix wheelie trainers. How could they betray me like this?

BERNARD PRIOR: I think I'll play a track, let our glorious municipal leader rant in peace. And stay tuned. Remember, we have that exclusive interview with the Minister coming up soon! Send me your burning questions.

BERNARD PRIOR: And now on New Canton Today, dearest hearts, some jolly thrilling news! Coming up very soon, a series of live interviews with our new world leaders. First up, a real coup! Although one hopes not a literal coup. [laughs] The Minister herself has agreed to participate in a brief interview with the aim of "bringing the loyal people of Fort Canton to their senses."

So, shall we have sense or nonsense? What say you, listeners? With what questions would you like to probe, provoke, and perhaps preempt the woman who calls herself the ruler of the United Kingdom? Send me your questions for the Minister, Sigrid Hakkinen, as soon as you can. And don't go anywhere. Stay, as they say, tuned.

BERNARD PRIOR: Millie, do sit down.

AMELIA SPENS: I can't believe you've asked me to be on your program.

BERNARD PRIOR: Think of yourself as a special guest. Perhaps not that special, given how regularly you appear unscheduled. But this time, I want your input on the most pressing matter covered by New Canton Today.

AMELIA SPENS: If it's another discussion of Nietzsche, I'm pulling the plug. Literally, I'll pull this one. [boing sound effect]

BERNARD PRIOR: Please don't touch that. [laughs] It's my comic sound effects panel. You wanted more humor.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, Bernard. I really shouldn't leave you alone in here.

BERNARD PRIOR: Let's move on. Our subject for discussion. It is, [imitates fanfare] Jaffa Cakes!

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, really? Any more news about Radial?

BERNARD PRIOR: All the most recently tracked shipments of Jaffa Cakes end up there. I have a few chaps working on it.

AMELIA SPENS: So Radial's goons like bickies. Interesting!

BERNARD PRIOR: It's not that. There are too many shipments. Radial's population couldn't have eaten that many Jaffa Cakes if they'd had them for supper every night!

AMELIA SPENS: Then what?

BERNARD PRIOR: Stockpiling.

AMELIA SPENS: But why?

BERNARD PRIOR: Millie, what happened to me when I couldn't get my Jaffa Cakes anymore?

AMELIA SPENS: You did get a bit desperate. To be honest, you weren't the only person who mentioned it to me. The British love their Jaffa Cake – oh, those devious - !

BERNARD PRIOR: - cads! I'm sure you were about to say cads. Remember, we're on the air. But yes, I do believe someone is trying to create scarcity value of the world's most delicious teatime treat.

BERNARD PRIOR: What a jolly tune. And how appropriate for our guest. Live via comms broadcast, I am quite thrilled to welcome to New Canton Today, Sigrid Hakkinen! Welcome.

SIGRID HAKKINEN: [static]

BERNARD PRIOR: Wonderful. Now my technician is in my ear telling me that the listeners can't hear you due to a technical - ?

SIGRID HAKKINEN: [static]

BERNARD PRIOR: I see. Ah, I see.

SIGRID HAKKINEN: [static]

BERNARD PRIOR: Deliberate, you say?

SIGRID HAKKINEN: [static]

BERNARD PRIOR: Did you really?

SIGRID HAKKINEN: [static]

BERNARD PRIOR: Listeners, it appears the Minister's actual words won't be audible due to a new security directive? I'm not sure whose security directive. Possibly one of the several settlements between us and London is refusing to relay transmissions. But apparently I can pass your questions on to the Minister.

SIGRID HAKKINEN: [static]

BERNARD PRIOR: Right. Righty-ho. [laughs] Listeners, I need to also inform you that the Minister will not be answering any of your actual questions due to... danger of infiltration by factions? So perhaps if I may ask a question of my own devising, Minister? Will you be putting in place any measures for free passage of books across the wall?

SIGRID HAKKINEN: [ringing static]

BERNARD PRIOR: I see. Apparently, listeners, the answer is no, and also, that is already all we have time for. So thank you, Minister. [laughs] I hope you all enjoyed that illuminating interview! Here's a tune that I'm sure will prove appropriate.

BERNARD PRIOR: Ahoy-hoy, listeners! Welcome to my first ever broadcast of late night New Canton Today. The adult New Canton Tonight, if you will. And let's kick off with a terrific song that always reminds me of my first love, Margot. This is for you, Margot, wherever you are. I still think about you.

BERNARD PRIOR: Now listeners, the second in our series of interviews with today's modern leaders. Welcome down the line Radial's leader, Phantasma Ooley. Hello there, Phantasma! May I call you Phanny?

PHANTASMA OOLEY: Please don't.

BERNARD PRIOR: I knew a boy at school whose nanny was called Fanny. Oh, how we howled! But enough digression. Phantasma, first, congratulations on your new trade allegiance with Pop Max and Kix. Can I ask – Radial are known for their lack of resources. However did you lure such big players?

PHANTASMA OOLEY: Kix are a great faction, a truly wonderful faction. Everyone knows they came with us because they are smart people.

BERNARD PRIOR: And you didn't, by any chance, lure them with a scarce commodity that has become more and more desirable in recent months?

PHANTASMA OOLEY: I beg your pardon?

BERNARD PRIOR: The Jaffa Cakes, Phantasma. I'm talking about the Jaffa Cakes.

PHANTASMA OOLEY: And this is completely off the record?

BERNARD PRIOR: Absolutely. The mic is off, I assure you.

PHANTASMA OOLEY: And you want a crate?

BERNARD PRIOR: I do! I really do.

PHANTASMA OOLEY: And what can you offer us in return?

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh, my dear. I only have access to Amelia Spens.

PHANTASMA OOLEY: I see. [laughs] I think we can do business.

BERNARD PRIOR: Marvelous. Marvelous. However, I will be requiring a sample of the goods up front.

PHANTASMA OOLEY: That's - ! ... We don't do that.

BERNARD PRIOR: Those are my terms, Phanny.

BERNARD PRIOR: See? I'm right about Radial. Do I need to play you the recording again?

AMELIA SPENS: No, I heard. I also heard it when you mistakenly broadcast it.

BERNARD PRIOR: I could have sworn the light was off.

AMELIA SPENS: Never mind. It was on your misguided late night show, so no one was listening. Did they send you a sample of their wares?

BERNARD PRIOR: They did!

AMELIA SPENS: Let's see it, then.

BERNARD PRIOR: Sadly, I no longer have them.

AMELIA SPENS: Bernard! That was your evidence that they're stockpiling.

BERNARD PRIOR: I know, but I couldn't resist! They only sent four. Who can stop at four Jaffa Cakes?

AMELIA SPENS: Someone who's only been sent four by a rogue faction who are stockpiling them?

BERNARD PRIOR: Quite, my dear. Quite.

BERNARD PRIOR: Listeners, this is a very exciting special edition of New Canton Today, for you join us as we relay live information on a raiding party heading into Radial Territory to liberate a quantity of Jaffa Cakes estimated to be 700 packets, or even more! And reports are coming that – yes, we have boots on the ground, and I believe, a haul of – goodness gracious. Over a thousand packets! A cool grand! Oh, happy days, listeners! And, if I may call you friends, old Bernard has it all!

BERNARD PRIOR: What do you mean, we're not distributing them?

AMELIA SPENS: Radial's idea was quite a good one. We just need to hold them for another month or two.

BERNARD PRIOR: That's terrible!

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, come on! I've got them, and I will distribute them in time. I might make a huge profit, but you know, I have overheads.

BERNARD PRIOR: But I broadcast the liberation of the Jaffa Cakes live! Everyone knows you've got them!

AMELIA SPENS: So much the better.

BERNARD PRIOR: You want people to know you're stockpiling all the Jaffa Cakes in Britain?

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, yes. Now it is known I have the Jaffa Cakes, Kix is very keen to do a trade deal for an early cut. It turns out, as you suspected, that was the incentive Radial offered them.

BERNARD PRIOR: You're incredible.

AMELIA SPENS: Thanks very much.

BERNARD PRIOR: Ahoy-hoy, listeners. I think I'm going to enjoy being a radio star. Now friends, how can we apply the writings of old Karly Marx to our current situation? "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need." Of course, I'm talking about the smashing orangey bit. Pip pip. Mm.

BERNARD PRIOR: Time for a listener's letter! Let me just put on my spectacles. "Dear Bernie." Oh. Rather familiar. "I want you to know how much I enjoy your show. Your warm voice fills my ears every afternoon, and my heart. I would love to meet you in person sometime, Bernard. Sincerely, your old friend Margot." Oh. Goodness gracious.

#zombies run #zrs6 #s6 radio #s6 radio part 3 #zr transcript

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