#“the mafia is a cruel place what did you expect” love seeing how chuuya was brought in at 15 and nobody fucked him up

[hannigramislife]

People will defend Dazai's relationship with Akutagawa as if they have some deep, galaxy brain understanding of Dazai's character and we're the dumb ones for going, "um, no, fuck that."

Like, I'm sorry, were your eyes closed to Dazai's words in the dungeon scene? Were you sleeping during the Moby Dick phone call? Conveniently deaf during his conversation with Hirotsu? Did you miss the manipulation in the Cannibalism arc, too? Did you think he called Akutagawa to the place where they first met because he was feeling fucking nostalgic???

Notice how I don't even have to reference the abuse in the Mafia to show that Dazai is the greatest fucking dick in this show???

[tacticaldiary]

Hello! I wanted to let you know that I love all your works, ahhh they’re so good :D I also saw that your BSD requests are open, sooo may I request a hurt/comfort Chuuya x reader in which the reader gets kidnapped and held hostage in order to gain leverage over Chuuya or the Port Mafia? Only if you want to, though! Thank you so much, and have a great day!😁

Ransom

Pairing: Reader x Chuuya Nakahara

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

She's not one to just sit around and do nothing, but she really really wants to see their faces when her boyfriend inevitably gets there.

Masterlist

The chuckle that she lets out catches the other people in the room by surprise. It's the farthest sound they expected her to vocalise while being tied down to a chair, cuts and bruises across her body, blood dripping down the side of her face.

"Oh, you're really asking for it, hmm?" She says, smiling up at the woman in front of her. Her captor scowls, the grip on the bloody knife in her hand tightening. The woman reaches out and grabs Y/N's hair, yanking it back so they're face to face.

"Funny, is this? We'll see how your laughing once he gets here and watches us gut you alive."

Kidnapping her was no easy feat, she'll give these people that. Y/N knows what they want. They want to get rid of Chuuya, and in their tiny brains, they think having her hostage will increase their odds.

How stupid.

"You really think you're getting out of this alive?" The woman spits out with a cruel smile. Y/N's own smile doesn't waver.

"Me? I definitely am." She admits. "But you...well, I can't say you share the same fate."

Almost on cue, there's a loud crash outside the door, followed by a series of thumps and cries.

The woman, and the two other men in the room exchange glances, stepping away from the door in alarm. The woman comes up behind Y/N and puts the blade to her neck, and she winces when she feels the prick of it digging into her skin.

"Hold your positions!" The woman barks as the crashing and cries get closer...then abruptly stop. The only thing heard in the room in breathing, completely silent...

Until the door breaks off it's hinges, crashing inwards and hitting the floor with a deafening sound.

Y/N smiles tiredly upon seeing the familiar figure. Chuuya stands on top of the fallen door, looking terrifyingly furious. His eyes immediately find home on Y/N and she can tell, by how he narrows his eyes in utter fury, that these people weren't leaving unscathed.

"Nakahara!" the woman speaks, digging the knife harder into her skin, causing her to wince. "Listen to out demands and-"

She doesn't get the chance to finish, the crushing weight of pure, heavy gravity bringing her to her knees. By the identical two other thumps, Y/N learns that the other two men have dropped down as well.

Chuuya's approach is steady. He doesn't speak when he reaches her.

"About time." Y/N says, voice hoarse. She's seen better days. Chuuya takes a minutes to look her over, she can feel his eyes stop and linger on the places she's injured. Her cheek, her temples, her neck, her arms and legs. He sees the way he grits his teeth.

What's truly terrifying, however, is his complete and utter silence, even as her reaches behind her to undo the knots keeping her hands in place.

Honestly, Y/N wishes she'd done something cooler in the moment, maybe stand up and stretch, pretend like she was fine and nothing happened, but the first thing she does when she's able to move is slump forward onto his shoulder, utterly exhausted.

As much as she was pretending with the people behind her, this really did take a toll on her. Her entire body ached and hurt and throbbed. She felt lightheaded and she's be willing to bet a lot of money a headache would be coming to grace her soon.

Chuuya's arm comes around her instantly, pulling her to her feet and keeping her upright against him.

"Thanks." She mumbles into his shoulder, and Chuuya only feels his anger grow with how tired she sounds.

"Stay there." Chuuya says to her, keeping her as close as possible, and Y/N doesn't protest. She hears the sounds of him grabbing something from his belt, hears the familiar cocking of a gun, and three shots fired.

She hears the screams of the people who were subjecting her to the same thing a couple minutes ago. Surprisingly, the screams don't stop.

Chuuya wasn't a bad shot, and missing from this distance would be downright disgraceful, so when she hears the sound of footsteps rush into the room, she's not surprised.

"Keep them underground and alive." His voice is sharp and hard. "I want to take my time dealing with these bastards." He spits out the last word like even referring to them is tainting his tongue, leaving a nasty taste in his mouth.

She assumes he shot them in the leg, one each to keep them from putting up too much of a fight. Face still buried in his shoulder, she hears the sound of the people being dragged away, kicking and crying and yelling and then...

And then she hears silence.

Both of his arms come to wrap around her, holding her close. She closes her eyes and breaths in the familiar, comforting scent.

He pulls away eventually, hands still firmly on her arms in case she falls again. His eyes wander over to her cheek, and he brings up a gloved hand. When he gently brushes his thumb over the forming bruise and she winces, his eyes narrow

"I'm going to rip them limb from limb. They deserve nothing but the fucking torture I'm going to give them." Chuuya says and Y/N nods, because, yeah, she agrees and because she doesn't have the energy to say anything else.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" He asks, to which he gets a shake of her head. "I'm going to get a medic look over you. Everything's fine now, I'm here." He says and she nods, relaxing into the palm of his hand that's cupping her cheek.

"I've got you."

-

(26/01/2022)

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

I don't know if this counts as a comfort request, can you do a Chuuya and Dazai comfort request of them comforting/saving the reader from a abusive parent?

Yes, this is, of course, a comfort request, if it helps you feel better, than it counts. I’m sorry if this doesn't live up to expectations though, abuse is one of the few things I struggle with writing for personal reasons (don’t worry, it’s nothing physical, just a lot of mental strain loves), so it won’t be detailed or thoroughly explained, more hinted/briefly mentioned. Since the request was vague, I was unsure what kind you needed, so I went with what I’m more comfortable writing. With that out of the way, here are 2 small drabbles.

Saved from an abusive household (comfort fic) |Dazai, Chuuya x Reader|

Warning: Emotional and (maybe some hints to physical) abuse

Words- 1141 (combining both characters totals).

Dazai-

590 words

To say he was angry was an understatement. He never understood why his emotions were so, so uncontrolled when it came to you. He was hardly in terms that he may actually love you. With the wind blowing over your face, whipping through your hair, he couldn’t help it. Noticing every mark, the tears, everything. He noticed it despite how you acted like everything was fine. The hoarseness of your tone was too great a signal that, well, you had been crying longer than he had been standing here. Dazai wanted to know, no, he needed to know who had made you so upset. He felt, odd as it may sound, protective. He would never strike out against you or raise his voice. He’d never hurt you, not in any way. So the flinch you made when all he wanted was to cup your face, to whisper that he loved you, it hurt. He couldn’t keep his face from showing the shock. His eyes darting around for any other signs. Clearly, he’d noticed before, but you always rode it off.

Standing within the brutal rain, you watched Dazai with a clouded mind. There are… many ways that often go unnoticed to the public. While cuts are difficult to hide, the scars on the mind… are impossible to see. What is not shown on the surface is never seen. Anxiety, depression, social awkwardness, the flinch brought on by a loud noise or voice, the shaky trembles of hands when being scolded. Signs that go unnoticed, so as Dazai looked at you with eyes full of anger and pain, he waited until you flew to his chest and broke down. His hands never once left your back. His voice a mere whisper as he ran fingers and told you the best news of your life. “You can live with me. It isn’t much, but its, it’s better than going back there.” His voice held so much anger, disgust, and pain you thought he may drop you in bed, then run to kill the two who told you over and over how much they loved you, only to contradict themselves. 

He did something along the lines of that. When you were asleep in an oversized shirt and a pair of sweatpants far too long for your legs, he sipped from the agency-provided room, and well, he went straight to the place he knew you lived. It happened to be on your file in the agency. He didn’t bother knocking, but instead picked the front door lock with skilled ease, and underneath the clap of thunder and flash of white light, he slid inside. Dragging water into the room where two older adults lay. As if they didn't notice their child's absence. So pulling out his gun, he shot at a perfect angle. A direct middle between heads. He watched them scramble awake, only to see he was already gone within shadows. He played the part of a demon for you tonight. Raising their paranoia as far as he could, before appearing with a dramatic flash of lighting having calculated the right timing. He warns them if they ever tried to make themselves the victims, or if they set a pinky on your skin, he’d make their lives a living hell. After all, he was once Dazai Osamu, the demon prodigy, the youngest mafia executive. It wasn't a title he liked anymore, but he would admit returning to such a mentality for a bit would be alright, if it meant protecting you from pain.

Chuuya-

551 words

Beneath the rays of moonlight showering through a ginger held you tightly in his arms. Tonight he played the part of the big spoon, cuddling you close to keep you safe. It was always like this in storms. His arms wrapped around you, running down your arms. His lips on top of your in passionate breaks here and there. The two shared wine and laughed away the storm. Every time you jumped, he dropped to kiss your shoulders and between your neck. He kept trying to comfort you with all he could. He never felt it was enough. Especially after the ones that were within seconds of another. The louder the tremble, the more you shook, so when four or five repeated in a row he worried. Sure, it was normal to be scared of storms, but you were scared of the noise in general. It was an issue he had hated because, well, we all know Chuuya likes to yell a lot. He never realized till he was actually angry with a coworker, the flinch you make is an expectation, like your bracing for something. That’s how he found out. The next morning, how you claimed to be too sick to go home. The way you wanted to stay with him on your week off. How you'd rather just keep working.

“I’ll kill them.” It wasn’t anger directed at you, and he kept his tone soft, despite how difficult it was. Behind his clenched teeth, dagger-like glare, and the snarl, he was positive he’d frightened you accidentally. “Let me kill ‘em.” He grumbled, shoving his gloves into pockets as he tried to reel in his temper. He doesn't give two shits if they are your parents. So telling him no is frustrating. Clearly, if they did this, if they could be cruel enough to make their child afraid, then they didn’t deserve somebody so forgiving and kind like you.

He let you stay the day with him. There was no way he’d make you go home. Not when he’d seen how terrified you were when he tried pushing you out the door. He’d cuddled and spoiled you rotten with gifts all day. And when you finally crashed, his lips tapped your forehead, and he was gone. Searching through records till he found the address. He was straight to the point, breaking a window with a nice kick. His feet heavy with gravity as he grabbed the collars of those two blind bastards. Yes, he knew he could make it worse. However, that would only happen if they were not afraid of him. An overprotective guard dog. Trust me, this is one loyal bastard you never want to cross. He couldn’t kill them, but he could hurt them. He could yell at the top of his lungs and shout in their ears. Send them in walls, maybe break a finger, or two. On his way out, when the couple stood shaking with fear, his head tilted back just enough to see the scene he’d made. “Hurt them again, and I won’t listen. You’re really lucky, my baby has a golden heart that forgives so easily." He half-expected them to call the cops, but he guessed that meant angering the mafia more. What could he say, he was a pretty well-known man.

Tags (if you wish to be added send an ask) : @jadegreenimmortality

[universallychaoticpan]

Oooo I have an idea if you’re still taking requests:D

Maybe a scenario where Chuuya and the reader are expecting and she’s almost to term. But one day he comes back home to find her workplace ravaged by a petty gang of some kind and she had been kidnapped. Chuuya looks for her for around 3-4 days before they finally find her bloody and chained to a wall clutching her stomach. He fights them off and immediately takes her to a doctor who lets them know that the baby’s miraculously okay and both of them will recover quickly. Feel free to throw in as much angst as you like with a happy ending! Protective Chuuya I beg of you🙏

CW: mentions of self harm and injury

Missing.

You'd been missing for almost a week now, and your husband was on the brink of just tearing down Yokohama if it meant finding you. You, the light of his life, the woman who he'd promised to preotect before he'd even married you, was gone and in danger because of him.

It had all started the day he'd walked out to your workplace to pick you up after a long day, knowing you'd be tired after a long day of work and your baby moving restlessly against your ribs. Often, he'd end the day by asking you to take time off, finally, to which you'd reply with an ambiguous 'soon.' You were almost to term, a less than a month away from your due date, meaning you were definitely feeling the effects of a tiny human growing inside you. But you were happy with life, with your loving husband and a child that you already adored even when they kept you awake at night.

But when he'd stepped into the place, he could immediately tell there was something wrong. There were items scattered all around, desks toppled onto their sides, and most ominously, blood on the walls. Desperately, he began to look for you, hoping you were still there. But though he found a few other people, all he found regarding you was a note scrawled onto the wall.

Welcome to the game, Mr. Nakahara.

Incensed, he began his search for you, calling up Dazai out of desperation as the days ticked down. Each time the clock turned to a new morning, he felt his dread grow, time running closer and closer to your due date, and you were missing, in danger, and he couldn't even find you. The two had followed multiple leads, all of which yielded nothing, even Dazai understanding the severity of the situation. The whole time, he never once made any of the barbed comments he usually did, clearly seeing the dark circles under Chuuya's eyes after only two days. Some game.

After three days, he'd broken down completely. Hours after the sun whent down, he was raging against himself, punishing himself for the position he'd put you in. He hated himself for it, despised himself for failing you. He'd sobbed for hours, curled in on himself on the bathroom floor, bruises begging to bloom on his pale skin from his relentless attack on himself.

He was worthless, a failure, couldn't even protect the ones he lived the most. What good was he? He was a monster, a killer, good for nothing but destroying. How dare he ever think he deserved to be happy after everything he'd done.

Deep down, Chuuya didn't believe he deserved you at all. he knew he didn't. As long as he'd known you, you'd been everything he wasn't; and yet you'd loved him anyway. But now he was loosing you, a cruel twist of fate ripping the one he loved from him after it had taken him so long to believe he could actually have a life with you.

Now, four days, later, they were on their last lead, and Chuuya was at the end of his rope.

For months, the Agency had been keeping their eyes on a small but crafty gang of petty criminals that called themselves Phantom's Wrath. Though they were few in number, they'd succeeded in causing chaos all around the city, keeping themselves a bothersome fly in the eyes of both the Port Mafia and the Agency: annoying, but not a priority. But now, it seemed they'd set their sights on bigger things. The wife of a Port Mafia executive to be exact. It was a challenge, and a threat on everything Chuuya cared about.

Guns in hand, the two men made their way to the door of their base, a nondescript warehouse blending into the surroundings of the city. He had to give it to them, they knew when subtlety was their friend. With precise aim, the mafioso and his unlikely ally picked off the guards at the door, four shots ringing out before the men could even react. Stepping over their bodies, Chuuya cast a disdainful glance at the blood now splattered on his boots, not giving a damn about the men at his feet.

Just the same, the two men continued methodically and smoothly fighting their way through the complex, making their way lower and lower down. If you could even call it fighting. It was more of a massacre, child's play for both men.

Finally, at the end of the last corridor, stood a locked door with two burly looking men standing guard. As the two men rushed towards the members of Double Black, they were met with two bullets between the eyes, falling dead as Dazai and Chuuya walked towards the door. Busting the lock, Chuuya felt his fury rise and die as he lay eyes on you for the first time in a week.

Your belly had swelled dramatically in the short time you were gone, sweat beading your forehead as blood dripped into your eyes from a nasty cut on your head. To he relief, it looked fresh enough that you hadn't lost too much blood from it, but that's where it ended. You were bruised and beaten, lip split and clothes tattered and torn. A thick, rusty chain sprang from the wall and latched itself around your ankle, keeping you firmly anchored to the cement walls around you. Only your arms were free, desperately cradling the bump in your stomach, two fingers on each hand obviously broken.

In a moment, he was at your side, checking your body for any more injury as Dazai picked the lock on your chain expertly. Tears tracked down the dirst on your cheeks, leaving streaks on your wan skin.

"Chuuya," your whimpered, doubling over in pain as another contraction hit. Only then did he notice the fluid surrounding you, the way you'd periodically moan in agony as he moved you from your prison. "The baby-"

"Dazai, I need you to get a car. My wife is having a baby, and we need to get her to a hospital now."

/

Five hours later, you held a beautiful baby girl in your arms, still hurt, but your doctor had told you both you and your baby would be ok. Chuuya relished the feeling of having you both so close, your heat and scent filling his senses and calming him as his arms encircled you. There was no way he was letting anyone hurt you ever again. At his side, you clutched his hand in your own, palm warm on his skin as you reconciled with everything you'd gone through.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, breaking the silence as your baby shifted a little in her sleep. "I...couldn't protect you. I wasn't strong enough to keep you safe and there's no promises when you're with me. Y/n, it'll break me to loose you, but I understand if you want to take the baby and go-"

"Chuuya, what the hell are you talking about," you asked, voice full of worry and fear. "I couldn't leave you after everything, how could I? You saved me, you did protect me, you brought us home, to you. You wanna know what the one thought keeping me alive in there was? It was I need to stay alive for Chuuya, for this baby, for the life we have in front of us. You're my other half, and it would destroy me to loose you. It doesn't matter if i live the rest of my life with a target on my back. It doesn't matter if our family isn't normal, whatever the hell that means. We're a family, we stick together, no matter what. I love you, and I know you love us with everything you have. And through heaven or hell, fire or rain, I'll be at your side loving you as long as you'll have me."

Holding you close, he gingerly left kisses across all your bruises, your daughter warm between you both.

"You sure," he asked with a small smile, "eternity sounds like an awfully long time."

Smiling, you pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, hand soft against the side of his face before pulling back.

"Forever and a day, my love, forever and a day."

///

Hope you enjoyed this, I had a lot of fun writing it! <3

[dreamkidddream]

Hello sunshine, would it be possible for you to write me some headcanons for my beloved Chuuya, Dazai and Atsushi? I was thinking about them having a fragil health s/o? Maybe they work an office job in the ada/pm and they somehow fall for the s/o? I hope this is no trouble and you have inspiration to write this. If you don't like this you can just ignore it. Thank you very much :)

Hi anon! Thank you for the request! So I’m assuming that when you say fragile health s/o is that the reader can get sick easily/overall very weak? I hope that I got the interpretation right, and I didn’t please feel free to send it in again so I can do it over for you. Reader is gender neutral, and hope you enjoy!

TW: Suicide (Dazai’s part, nothing heavy is mentioned, and it’s only in one line) and Abuse (Atsushi’s, nothing heavy is mentioned)

Easily Sick/Weak S/O with: Chuuya, Dazai, and Atsushi

Chuuya

Oh man, he hated this feeling. He already hated you even working in the Port Mafia (even though he was there too), but he hated it even more since you were weak physically

Don’t get him wrong, Chuuya knows that you’re a strong person through and through, but it was so easy for you to get hurt or sick working on the field, it honestly made him worried

What also made him worried was how he was falling for you and quickly. He’s an executive! He doesn’t have the time for romance, and what if (really when if because he wants you so bad you have no idea) someone decides to come after you because of your ties with him? It was already so easy for him to lose you now, he didn’t want to chance things and speed up the process

But, you were just...a really great person. You were determined, always kept your head up, didn’t take anything from anyone (you backtalked Mori once and still walked away with your throat intact, so that was a sign), and it didn’t help that you were really easy on the eyes (he couldn’t help it, you were already attractive, and those things were just icing on the cake for him)

Chuuya didn’t know how you could stand being in a stuffy office all day, so he always stopped by to check on some “information” for some “case he’s working on). It started out genuine, but then it became a daily occurrence, even on his rare days off. 

One thing about him is that he’s a true gentleman, he knows how to treat his partner right. Bringing lunch to you, flowers sitting on your desk for no reason with a random note (”Hope you have a good day”, “Saw these when I was out, made me think about you”, “These don’t even compare to how beautiful you are, inside and out”, etc.), driving you home no questions asked, even offering you his favorite bottle of wine to share

He knows that he’s being cheesy but he was pulling out all the stops just for you

He knew it was risky for you to be out all the time, so whenever he did finally ask you on an “official” date (you thought sharing his wine was a date but he said that he wanted to show you off, not just in the office), you guys were either in a fully reserved restaurant or at his place. Seriously the way his place looks was like luxury! Damn you knew his job paid good money but wow! This was better than going out honestly

He confessed when you went over to his house one night. It was a particularly rough day for you both, and you just needed some reassurance which Chuuya was happy to give. It seemed like he went on for hours, but really it wasn’t too long, and you were in tears by the end of it. When he ended it with, “anyone would be beyond lucky to have you (Y/N), and I wish it were me. I wish I would have the chance to show you how much I really do love you, words aren’t enough for me. I’ll take the chance if you let me, and I swear you won’t regret it. Be mine, (Y/N), I’ll treat you like you deserve, and you deserve more than the world.”

You both understood the risks that came with dating you, but he swore that he would protect you with his life. If you did get sick, he couldn’t be there for you during the day because of his work, but he made sure to text you every hour on the hour to check on you and as soon as he got home, it was caretaker mode until you both went to bed

He bought you your medicine, the fluffiest pillows ever known to man, I mean did everything and anything. The dude was loaded, money was not an issue obviously

Chuuya is a great boyfriend, and will honestly do anything it takes to keep you safe and happy. He loves you after all, and he doesn’t mind all the extra work that comes with it (he doesn’t even see it as work, just precautions, which still isn’t a problem)

Dazai

He was not only worried about your health and safety, but also the fact that he was falling for you. Dazai was a very secretive person who didn’t like to show his true feelings, and he was scared of what he’s feeling for you. Him being attached and actually caring about people never paid off for him, as his past would tell you...

But here you were, being a bright, shining light in his cruel, bleak, dark world. He tried to keep his distance at first, but he couldn’t help but be drawn to you. You were so fun to be around, despite your condition! You always helped as much as you could in the office, being the first one to pick up on his work when he was too lazy busy to complete it and having reports ready for any meetings, even on short notice. You looked out for him, both as a coworker and as a caring friend, and he could tell

You even helped him annoy Kunikida sometimes, which just made you even more stunning in his eyes

He felt himself falling for you more and more everyday, finding excuses to stay in the office just to be next to you. “(Y/N), please don’t strain yourself my dear! Let me handle this for you, I would be a terrible suitor if I didn’t.” “Dazai, I just have to staple these- nevermind, thank you my knight wrapped in bandages!” 

Kunikida would of course hate this and drag him out every time, but all that it concluded in was Dazai whining and complaining about how it was so unfair that he was being kept from his “precious (Y/N)” and how they must be so lonely without him. It got to a point where Kunikida made a compromise with him: if he actually does some work and help on the field missions, then he can spend more time with you in the office

I feel like they forget that Dazai is actually crazy smart and most likely already knows the culprits to whatever cases that they are handling, and he was definitely waiting for this outcome. No extra work for him and more time with you. It’s a win-win!

When he does eventually accept that he was in too deep, he started to take his advances in a more serious manner (I mean he was always being serious but he was not going to hold back anymore). He’s a great listener, so anything that said wanted that was said in passing conversation, expect it to be on your desk with a little sticky note. You had a strong craving for something? What do you know, Dazai brought just enough for both of you to share (and he gave you the bigger portion of it). You want to go see the stars? Sounds like the perfect date night for you two!

That’s how he actually confessed to you, right underneath the stars. It was perfect, you guys were away from everyone, having an amazing time just stargazing. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this at peace, and you were to thank for that. He knew that while he was risking his life on a daily basis, but you were constantly fighting for yours. You couldn’t even go on a mission with how easy it was for you to get an injury you couldn’t recover from. But he had faith in you and in himself, that he wouldn’t let another person that he cares for perish in front of him. He made that promise to you, and that he would do everything in his power to keep it. He will not fail you

After that night, your dates were usually held at your place, and it ranged from cooking together to having movie nights. You didn’t have to spend money really, you were both fine in the house in each other’s arms. And if you did get sick, you thought he was clingy before, WHEW did it get more intense

You had to push him off of you too many times to count. What part of NO HUGS did this man not get?! You were already suffering, he didn’t need to either. He did try to make this a double suicide opportunity though, and you were not very happy

Was banned from cuddles for 3 weeks straight, it was pure torture for him

You were Dazai’s distraction from this horrible joke he called a life, and he was welcoming of you. He embraced you, never complained about your weakness or anything. You were someone that he can proudly say that he loves, and that won’t ever change

Atsushi

He was so nervous, so scared. He doesn’t even know how to look everyone in the eye, how was he suppose to admit that he started to like you more than a friend?!

Atsushi was in love with you, I mean he was in deep. He couldn’t help it! You’re just so nice, so easy to talk to, always there to give him a pep talk and just keep him in high spirits. It just wasn’t fair what hand life had dealt you. He wanted to spend time with you outside of the office, but due to your delicate situation, he was so scared to. What if the Port Mafia tried to strike and he wasn’t strong enough or quick enough to protect you? He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if you died because of him. He wouldn’t be able to live-

So he tried (keyword: tried) to spend time with you at work. But with Kunikida on his ass about work, and Dazai being Dazai making his life difficult for his own amusement, made it difficult. Every time he got a chance, before he could even speak a word, someone needed him for something. If he did somehow had the spare time to talk to you, he would either choke or say something that he really meant but chickened out last minute and tried to change it (which was kinda your fault, you like to tease him sometimes too)

“So, um, (Y/N). I remembered that you said you liked that one takeout spot, so if you want I can bring you some back?”

“You would do that for me, Atsushi? Wow, it’s almost like you’re like my boyfriend!”

“Yep, I don’t mind! It makes me happy when you’re hap-w-WAIT HU-“

But besides that, he always checked on your whenever he got back from his missions (even if he was the one injured and bleeding), brought you back small trinkets or food, and always walked you home, not caring if it was out of his way

He hated that you were confined to the office majority of your time working, but he was worried that literally anything could and would happen on his watch, and he didn’t want to risk it. With Kyoka tired of watching him in distress and even Dazai showing a sliver of compassion for him, they helped him set up an inside date

But first, he had to ask you. Dazai wanted him to do some elaborate, over the top, proposal for asking you out (which Atsushi was pretty sure that he just wanted him to panic and embarrass himself) and Kyoka suggested that he gets you tofu (which he was also convinced that she just wanted some again). He decided that he was just going to have to suck it up, and do it himself. He has been through Hell and back, and if he survived that, then he could ask you on a date damn it!

So he finally got some courage, and directly went up to your desk. When you looked up, you flinched back. What was with the intense look in his eyes?! But you realized soon enough when he bowed and asked you to come over for a date. And of course you said yes!

The date was marvelous, and the poor boy was sweating so much you thought he was going to pass out! Whatever Dazai and Kyoka did to the place blew his expectations out of the water. Latern lights strung up along the walls, your favorite meals readied, little messages stuck to the wall made just for you, and the biggest/most comfortable blanket fort that you had ever seen. It sounded so simple, but one look into your eyes and you were overjoyed. He really did mean it that it made him happy that you were happy

He confessed with you snuggled into his side, so anxious yet at ease. Despite everything that he has gone through, you were brave too. You were stuck in that stressful environment, had a body that could quit on you after one bad day, yet you still encouraged him every day, every time you spoke to him after he’s had a bad day, or an encounter with Akutagawa. He was so convinced that he didn’t you, that he didn’t deserve anything good in his life after the abuse he endured at the orphanage. But you didn’t let him believe that for a second, and he’s indebted to you for that

He poured his heart out to you that night, and ever since, he’s been a lot more confident, both in his ability and in himself. You gave him that push in the right direction to trust himself more, and everyone could see the change (Dazai was pretty proud to be honest)

Dates after that were spent at his apartment, relaxing. Once in a blue moon, you guys would go to the arcade where he won you guys matching Tiger phone charms (he was a little embarrassed but he loved you and the charms too much to let it affect him)

If you did become ill, he would panic so bad that you had to bring him back down to Earth while hacking up a lung (not literally but it felt like it). He tries his best, he’s a little shaken because of how distraught he would get due to your fragile body, but he does care for you pretty well. If you need anything, he was too scared to leave you so Kyoka would be his go-to (with the promise of tofu afterwards)

(But don’t worry she’s a little worried for you too)

Atsushi knew he could never forget the horrors that he experienced at the orphanage, but you reminded him of the strength he had to not let it hold him back. He was your hero without a doubt, but you were his in the sense of how strong you really are, and how you didn’t know or believe it when he told you. You became an overall positive influence on his life, and helped him see life a little brighter and more meaningful. He loves you more than you could imagine, and he would continue to prove it to you in everything that he does.

[hamliet]

Messy, Perfect Redemption: Dazai

My least favorite trope in fiction is probably redemption via death. It just seldom works for the best possible story and more often than not comes across as an author wanting to take the easy way out with having now made the audience like the character, but not having to deal with the repercussions with their relationships with other characters and actual work of changing. Which honestly is also fair. Writing is hard.

But one of the things I love about Bungou Stray Dogs is how the entire story is basically Dazai’s redemption arc in all its disastrous messy glory. Redemption is hard, becoming a better person is exhausting and it doesn’t happen overnight. Despite an often cavalier attitude towards everyone around him, Dazai never loses sight of Odasaku’s last words to him.

"Listen. You told me that you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side who saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. (...) Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a little bit better. (...) Of course I know. I know better than anyone. Because... I am your friend."

Leaving the mafia and deciding to save people from now on is a good step, but it’s a process, as we see. It’s choosing every day to save orphans, to protect the weak, and even after making the overall choice to become a better man, there are still plenty of struggles along the way. It’s what makes Dazai such a compelling, powerful and ultimately hopeful character for me.

I know Atsushi is often seen as representing Dazai’s second chance after Akutagawa, his redemption in a sense, and that’s not wrong at all. Atsushi is definitely a major, even the main, part of it, but in my opinion it’s not the whole of it. Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it absolutely is a part of his redemption. He’s genuinely trying to do his best with Atsushi, and I do think he cares for him--clearly, he cares enough to let himself be captured by the mafia, even.

On the other hand, ignoring a kid you hurt for a kid you didn't is not redemption in and of itself when you could still do something about it. It’s not like Akutagawa has given up on Dazai in any way; he’s pretty desperate for Dazai’s acknowledgement even now.

If saving one requires you to abandon the other, are you really a better person for it ? Like, if you wanna save orphans, you kinda have to include the one who's literally begging you to save him and who is only in this bad place because of you.

If joining the agency would have redeemed Dazai, we wouldn’t have a story, though again I’m not minimizing the importance of this or the resonance of Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi. But in joining the agency, Dazai left someone behind--more than one someones, actually. Dazai’s redemption is a process that will require him to face the harm he caused in the mafia and as much as possible, fix it. And he can’t fully redeem himself until he integrates with his shadow. Unlike Atsushi whose shadow is directly personified in Akutagawa, though, Dazai’s is in several other people (we could also consider Odasaku and Atsushi part of the anima), including Akutagawa, Chuuya, Dostoyevsky, and Mori.

Even the next time Dazai saves an orphan (Kyouka), we find out that a lot of the cruel ways Akutagawa trained her came from how Dazai trained him.

It’s a consequence coming back to Dazai that his mentee decides to save a child trapped in the mafia whom everyone wants to give up on, a child whose been through the same training he forced Akutagawa into (which I should remind you includes a canonical mock execution). The difficulties of saving Kyouka are probably exactly why Dazai took so long to make baby steps towards Akutagawa. But to his credit, while he’s not exactly compassionate with Kyouka while she’s imprisoned, Dazai does save her. If mentoring a kid on the verge of turning into a criminal is the first step to reconciling with his mafia self, then Dazai’s helping save Kyouka is the next one.

However, he doesn’t fully understand the cruelties of he did to Akutagawa, as shown in how he mocks him after his capture by repeating Akutagawa’s worst fears to him:

I know Dazai’s playing a long game with setting up Atsushi and Akutagawa’s partnership in shin soukoku, but the ends don’t always justify the means and that’s a lesson often shown to us in BSD (it’s in part the reason Dazai left the mafia; he couldn’t buy that Oda’s death was justifiable because it got rid of Mimic and got the Port Mafia their black ticket). This type of triggering really isn’t okay. Like I said here, Dazai is in part the cause of Atsushi and Akutagawa’s struggles to get along, and he should be part of reconciling that schism as well.

I know while some people are annoyed that fans call a person two years older than someone else their father figure, but the manga itself draws this comparison and codes Dazai/Atsushi and Dazai/Akutaqawa as a mentor/mentee relationship which is 99% of the time coded as parental in literature (and it definitely is here). Akutagawa literally draws the comparison himself between his relationship with Dazai and Atsushi’s with his abusive orphanage headmaster. Yes, Akutagawa’s making some logical jumps here (refusing to acknowledge that Dazai is just as much Atsushi’s mentor as his), but the manga wants us to make this comparison.

As Atsushi wasn’t able to reconcile his frustration and hurt towards the orphanage headmaster, he’ll probably do so through Akutagawa and through Dazai, because Atsushi’s view of Dazai is basically that he’s already redeemed and fantastic and justified in his choices--again, I know Atsushi complains about his irresponsibility sometimes, but it’s mostly played as a joke and isn’t a serious critique of just how he treated Akutagawa, despite Atsushi hating Akutagawa for how he treated Kyouka (take that train of thought a little further, Atsushi).

But onto Dazai’s other relationships. It’s telling that Dazai is at his most unrestrained and violent in the mafia when he partners with Chuuya, who despite being very restrained thanks to him being capable of uninhibited destruction that would lead to his own death without said restraint, knows who Dazai is and what he’s capable of from the very beginning (he’s so much as seen Dazai murder the orphans who comprise the Sheep even after promising Chuuya he wouldn't). Kunikida is Chuuya’s foil in that he works most closely with Dazai in the agency and is perpetually ready to strangle him, but Kunikida is also incredibly principled and restrained--yet he is significantly the only member of the agency who, prior to the Guild Arc, did not know Dazai used to be in the mafia.

Kunikida’s ideals including saving everyone if possible. Both Chuuya and Kunikida represent these two extremes of what Dazai is capable of--and yet notably both of them care about saving children and are in many ways more compassionate people than Dazai.

The one time we see Chuuya talk about killing a kid is with Q, who notably is introduced to us as another child with the soukoku partnership team-up.

Q, a child with half-dark hair and half-white hair (gee I wonder what that symbolizes) is a child made to curse the world and hate ever being born. Chuuya and Dazai team up to save him but contemplate killing him.

Dazai’s choice not to kill Q is stated to be to save himself, which is probably is, but it’s also symbolic of how Dazai’s saving other people is saving himself (and also ties back to another quote Odasaku liked to repeat from Natsume: “everyone exists to save themselves”).

But Chuuya’s motivation, as I wrote before, is because he’s grieved over the loss of his comrades. Chuuya really cares about people, including Dazai, and the fact that Dazai is actually going to far as to model Atsushi and Akutagawa’s team-up on his team-up with Chuuya pretty strongly implies Dazai doesn’t hate Chuuya as much as he says he does. To be able to truly leave the mafia, he has to make peace with those relationships there. It’s part of being honest with himself: like Atsushi, acknowledging the darker shadows, and like Akutagawa, acknowledging the better parts of him too.

At present, Dostoyevsky proves a perfect foil for Dazai, as @linkspooky has written here. They’re the same in a lot of ways, but Dostoyevsky has allowed nihilism and a god complex to completely consume him and is not trying to be human, whereas Dazai still tries to save people and was devastated by Oda’s death. Dostoyevsky’s ability, whatever it was, works by touching someone like Dazai’s, but since Dazai’s No Longer Human negates another’s abilities, Dazai is the only person on which Fyodor’s ability will not work, making them the perfect counters for each other.  Dostoyevsky is what Dazai could be if his feelings of alienation from human society (a prominent theme in the real life Dostoyevsky’s works) were taken to their utmost extreme, and so it’d be fitting for him to ultimately defeat Fyodor through the relationships he does have (including Atsushi and Akutagawa). 

To return to Odasaku, Odasaku is also kind of a warning to Dazai as much as he is a man Dazai wants to become like. When Odasaku lost the orphans under his care, he fell into complete despair and knowingly embarked on a suicide mission to do what Mori wanted him to. Still, Dazai tried to save him. He wasn’t able to save his life, but Odasaku’s death saved Dazai. Yet it’s potentially concerning that Mori used Odasaku’s human connections to engineer his downfall, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Mori uses Dazai’s to try to engineer his downfall later on (like, way, way on).

The difference is that Dazai is a good foil to Mori, too, in understanding what makes people tick and always thinking several moves ahead. Mori groomed Dazai from the age of like fourteen (or younger) to be his successor in the mafia, manipulating his suicidal tendencies and hopelessness to get what Mori wanted from him. It’s telling that the earliest we have of Dazai is him with Mori, in that Mori instead of caring for a suicidal patient decided to take him along to murder the mafia’s boss and induct him into the mafia thereby. The thing about Jungian stories is that there are often some Oedipal tendencies to them--like, for example, a character needs to overcome/break away from completely/kill their father.  I can see Dazai at some point having to overcome Mori and his influence to cement his arc, but that’s highly speculative (yet fits with Mori’s build up as a villain), so we’ll see.

[drabblesanddreams]

Moon- Dazai Osamu (1/3)

Hey yall! Im back for another imagine. Im on vacation again so i havent had time to write lmfao. But im always a slut for dazai content and since his bday is in a few days i was like why not, yall know he my fav boy:)) I was also thinking of maybe making a series off this imagine mafia!dazai x reader but im not sure if im ready for a series just yet! 

Part 2      Part 3

tw: none

summary: You reflect on your time with mafia!dazai 

Word count: 973 

You still remembered it. The day Dazai Osamu had left the Port Mafia.

Of course, why wouldn’t you remember? You had such repressed feelings for the man for several years, ever since you both met at the tender age of 14 and 12 respectively. What was originally a childish crush towards the ex-mafia member grew over the years into something that was deeper.

It scared you so much that you always dismissed the thought of your feelings towards the brunette. Besides, Dazai Osamu is so much more complex then you would make him out to be, so much that concepts such as love were lost upon him. Anyone who thought he was that ordinary or that simple was a fool. 

Dazai was simply above those all around him; his high level of intelligence ensured that. You had never met anyone that smart before, or whose mind worked almost cruelly against those around him. 

To you, that intelligence was both a curse as well as a blessing. A curse because he could easily predict the actions of those around him as if they were his pawns under his manipulation. That only widened the gap between you two as you always felt naked beneath his watchful eye. 

It had almost been the downfall of your friendship with him years ago when you were the centerpiece of his little game. But it was also a blessing in the way it managed to astound you. Being able to observe his mind at work always astounded you and left you awed as if you were a child.

You were witness to his sadistic and cruel nature that shone through his carefully crafted mask more often than not.

 A darkness that wasn’t so comprehensible that it terrified you from time to time. A man that became an executive at 16, a man who would pull the trigger without a second of hesitation, whose mind operated solely on logistics, it seemed as if he was more machine than man.

But just like any other human, he wasn’t a man of complete darkness. You had seen his soft side, the genuine rare version of him that was saved selectively for the few people he held close to his heart. 

The silly comments that he made toward Odasaku was a fine example of it. One had to listen closely to the underlying tones of his mindless chatter to be able to pick out the genuine concern or affection laced throughout his words. 

So, when Oda died, it had become the final straw for Dazai. A man who so deeply detested the Port Mafia was finally leaving the Port Mafia.

You understood It, you really did, perhaps it was healthier for him to be away from constant destruction and death. He deserved it after all, but that didn’t make his wordless departure ache any less.

The night he departed was the same night he came to you, back then you hadn’t understood his unusual behavior at all. Normally it was him that did all the talking, but this time it was you who filled up the conversation with mindless chatter, unaware of Odasaku’s death. 

You had caught a bad cold that prevented you from working at your best, so you had stayed inside all day, the first sign of company finally within arms reach.

 All the while he had been staring at you with a gaze that was unreadable as his antics. If you wanted to decipher Dazai, you’d spend your whole life trying.

When morning arrived, he had disappeared as he usually did when he stayed at your place.  You later left the comfort of your apartment that day and quickly realized something was off around the Mafia headquarters. 

Chuuya had approached you wordlessly and when he told you what occurred the night before you blanched considerably. Spacing out, all you could think of was that Chuuya was lying. The feeling of nausea washed over you, as well as an unfamiliar sense of pain. 

Your friend was dead and the person you loved was gone. 

What occurred only confirmed your feelings for the brunette which only amplified the hurt you were feeling.

A moment after, Chuuya had said something else to you nonchalantly, his words falling on deaf ears. You could only stare wordlessly at him, he seemed so unbothered which just made you angry. 

Perhaps Chuuya’s reaction was the right way to go, you knew he was affected by what occurred as well though was too proud to let anyone know. A lack of reaction was what was appropriate to survive in the Port-Mafia, but you were one to feel everything too deeply.

You knew you were never made fit for the mafia; you were always too emotional which hindered your ability to perform sometimes. 

Killing people was also against your very nature, each of the few souls you had taken always left you in an intense distraught state. 

For a person so drenched in the light, it was a wonder how you fell for someone encased in the darkness.

Regardless of that day, you went four additional years without seeing him. Time had certainly dulled the pain.

You had changed as well; your kind nature couldn’t survive the port mafia any longer and your apathy grew with time. But what you hadn’t expected was that he changed as well.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were staring wordlessly, open-mouthed and most likely a fool while at it. He had certainly grown taller; the curly tendrils of hair still fell over his forehead. The black coat he had always adorned was replaced by a familiar looking brown trench coat. Your heart fluttered for a moment before the mixture of negative emotions replaced it. If he was shocked as well, he didn’t show it. Instead, he dipped his head slightly, smirking,

“Hello, (Y/n)”

[awkward-arthur-rimbaud]

62~ awk-Mitchell

62. seven characters you relate to?

@awkward-mitchell

A-ah, Miss Mitchell, I’m afraid even though I’ve spent many an hour thinking on this question you so kindly posed to me and would like nothing more than to answer it the correct way, it’s not so simple for me to give you a full list of characters. You see, though I’ve read many books and have even seen some television and such, I really don’t view a story with the intention of finding someone to whom I can relate; I’ve always thought a person like me shouldn’t be thinking of himself so often when every character has their own life and story to tell, and to project onto them and make it about myself would be cruel and selfish…

Still, there were just a handful of characters in some rather famous stories to whom I could relate and even see quite a bit of myself in, for better or worse, in different ways, so I hope that even if it’s not as many as you’d hoped, it might still be interesting to you.

Ahh, and…there’s this term I believe I should say…that these two answers will have…“spoilers” for the works they come from? I hope that you will keep it in mind.

1. Elizabeth “Eliza” Schuyler — Hamilton: An American Musical

When you first asked me this question, this founding lady of the United States of America was admittedly my absolute first thought. I truly relate to her on a very personal level; not only is she, like myself, a very trusting, loyal individual who is ultimately blinded by the love she holds for those dear to her, seeing that same love reflected in those people’s eyes whether it is there or not, but some of her life struggles are, on some level, not unlike my own. Facing betrayal from the one so dear to her where she never expected it, after so many years — the amount of pity I have for her is insurmountable… Unlike me, however, she attempted to draw the line and stayed angry with that man much longer than I’m sure I could with the person who betrayed me, though she did forgive him in the end.

Also unlike myself, that forgiveness led to a somewhat happier ending with that person, and a long and prosperous life.

Ah…and I suppose that would bring me to the only other one I can easily think about for this list…

2. Nancy — Oliver Twist

Differently from Miss Schuyler, this person’s overall personality is much different from mine, but I still find myself relating to her in a very important aspect, and that would be her relationship with her lover and the attitude she holds towards him, which I think is summed up rather well in one of her songs in a musical version of the story.

You see, this…isn’t all so unlike how I feel about…Paul… Her relationship with Mr. Sikes wasn’t much different from mine with my partner… He had a terrible temper at times and let that get the best of him; he said and did things I know he could never have meant, and though he said he didn’t need me…surely he did, right…? And yet, in our own ways, Miss Nancy and I both ultimately…died for the actions of the ones we remained so loyal towards — died…by his…betrayal…

—

…A-ah…I’m a bit embarrassed. The only people I mentioned here that I related to are both women…

Well, perhaps, to fill in those other spots, I could instead mention those in our world that I relate to most? I wouldn’t give such a long explanation on them for now, as I’m sure you know them as well as I, but… I feel terrible not completing the list, so that’s what I will do.

3. Chuuya Nakahara/Arabahaki

@awkward-chuuya @awkward-arahabaki

In spite of his job, Chuuya is not a cruel man who enjoys killing needlessly. We were both in the Port Mafia for a time, and like myself, he still values the lives of others, and doesn’t appreciate unnecessary bloodshed, though he may be slightly more willing and content with killing if it comes to it being necessary than I am. He is also an extremely loyal man and can be counted on by his comrades and friends without fear, which I deeply admire him over and to which I relate.

He, Arahabaki, and I…have…also had very similar experiences in our youths, and had many of the same doubts about our own nature and worth up to a certain point in our lives…though, let’s not talk about that right now, please. I’d rather move forward now.

…Still…I feel such a strong connection to him. I wonder if he notices that…?

4. Sigma

@awkward–sigma

It’s true that I haven’t known him long and we never met during the days before my death, but since joining this group I have come to notice that our personalities are very much alike in many ways, and he also struggles with the mere thought of harming others as I do. He’s a very kind man and I think that he deserves a good life. He also dresses very warmly with a sweater underneath his suit, which I think is excellent, even if some are cruel about his fashion sense!

5. Oda Sakunosuke

@awkward-odasaku

I believe I remember meeting him in the past during my days in the Port Mafia, and I remember that he had a dream of becoming a writer and escaping the Mafia life, refusing to ever kill. If I had been given a choice like that, I would have gladly taken it… I also dislike that life of bloodshed. If only people would stop trying to eat half-grilled meat, surely the world would be a better place and no one would live such a life…

Sadly, his fate also…ended like mine…though, he also inspired and changed that young Dazai-kun, so his life wasn’t in vain. I admire him.

6. Louisa May Alcott

@awkward-alcott

Ahhh, her awkwardness, her shyness, her loyalty, her kindness…! If only I could work up the courage to approach her, I’m sure we would be fine friends. We have a lot in common!

7. Mizuki Tsujimura

@awkward-mizuki

Well, what would this list be without my new best friend? Ah, she and I are rather alike, and she’s very kind… I’ll never forget the conversations we’ve had together…

(Mod Linkle: I’m really sorry this took so long! ^-^’ With all of my projects and how long I spent trying to figure this out, I hope it was worth it in the end! This was literally the only question you could’ve asked me that stumped me thoroughly! haha Also I assumed it was to Arthur since you didn’t specify — hope that was right!)

[mahkaria]

Of novelists and strays dogs - Chapter one

The angel at the top of the bridge :

In Yokohama’s dark streets walked a man. None of his physical traits particularly caught attention. Curly chocolate hair and a symmetrical face. Some could have called him handsome if not for the almost sadistic grin he carried.

No one could have guessed this young was actually one of the most feared executive of the Port Mafia coming back from a mission.

His day had been exhausting and as it was often the case after this kind of day, a thick oppressive mist had invaded his mind. Without thinking, his steps led him to a bridge.

Under the moonlight, the streaming water had the appearance of melted silver. It shifted and slidded as if under the influence of a snake charmer.

“How beautiful.” He whispered, mesmerised by this spectacle.

Without thinking anymore, he let his feets leave the ground. The last thing he saw before hitting the liquid were two golden eyes.

Nakajima Atsushi had been spending a perfectly nice evening. After finishing his work for today, he had decided to go out in order to refresh his mind and seek inspiration for the next day.

It would be days before the moon show the entirety of its pale beauty. No reason to worry about any furry problems…

A few months before, he could have barely imagined life could be so pleasant. No physical or verbal abuse and the possibility to do what he liked most.

As he strolled in the streets, he often wondered if he truly deserved what had happened to him. Sometimes, during the night, he barely managed to keep the cruel voice out.

Those nights, Kunikida-senpai always answered his phone and talked to him until sleep claimed him.

He sighed softly and focused once again on what was around him.

Students were coming back from the university and employees were going out from bars. They emitted happiness like the sun emits light. Sometimes, Atsushi liked imagining how their life went.

However, this time, he needed a calm place in order to progress on his work. He still remembered the bridge, the first place of Yokohama he had seen. That’s where he decided to go.

His apartment wasn’t so far from his goal and a few minutes were sufficient to reach it.

He sat on the border, took out his notebook and started writing.

Or at least he tried.

Footsteps caught his attention. He lifted his head.

A man stood there, a bit older than Atsushi himself.

He then proceeded to jump into the river…

Wait what?

Atsushi stood up like a spring as a splashing sound made itself heard.

What’s just happened?

Then :

This man needs help.

He jumped. 

Water cradled him like a loving mother. He felt himself drown slowly.

Goodbye, oxygen, you’ll no longer burn my lungs.

Gravity pushed him toward the river’s bed which would soon also be his if things went his way. How ironic for gravity to be one of the cause of his death. Chuuya would be proud.

I don’t want to think about the hatrack during my lovely suicide, Dazai decided quickly.

Breathing became more difficult. His body froze and burnt at the same time.

It would soon be over.

Soon.

Soon.

Until it no longer was.

Slim yet strong arms caught him and took him away from Death’s soft lips, carrying him back to the riverbank and life.

A kid ? was his first thought.

Then : Damn, I was so close this time.

He allowed himself to fall asleep.

Atsushi didn’t know anything about medicine and first aid techniques, yet he could say with almost total certainty that the man was alive. His chest rose slowly as if he was only taking a nap. In his relief, he barely cared about all the bandages which covered the man.

What am I supposed to do ? Maybe I should call Kunikida-senpai ? He might know what to do…

Just as those thoughts formed, the man (teenager? Did teenagers wear obviously very expensive suits?) opened his eyes. He blinked slowly and rose.

“Are you alright, sir?”

“I am… still alive? Why?”

“What- What do you mean “why”?”

Cinnamon coloured eyes turned their attention to him.

“Are you the one who saved me boy?”

Atsushi’s whole body hurt. Holding someone bigger than him had stolen a good part of his stamina. His clothes stuck to him in quite an unpleasant manner. He nodded softly.

“Aren’t you quite a little annoying stray?”

His tone was soft and calm but Atsushi felt ice bite his skin. This man, he…

Just as frost appeared, it melted away. Instead of the cold cruelty his eyes had carried, they now held a genuine curiosity.

“What were you doing here ? Were you also trying to commit suicide?”

“What, no ! Wait - suicide?”

“Quite eloquent, I see… Anyway, boy, shouldn’t you be home at this hour? Something unpleasant could happen to you.”

He barely bit back his comment “Are you going to hurt me?” and didn’t say anything. Shivers ran through his body. If he hadn’t been afraid of the consequences, he would have run away. For a moment, they both stared at each other like two statues.

After a while, the man smiled.

“It was quite rude of myself, wasn’t it? Insulting you after you bothered rescuing me. Can I pay you back in any way?”

Being polite had always been an obligation to Atsushi. A consequence of his often timid nature and of the orphanage.

The other part of himself still yelled at him to escape. All his predatory instincts deserting in front of someone who hadn’t even reached adulthood.

“There is no need, sir.”

A bright grin settled on the other’s face. Like a cat who just caught a bird, Atsushi couldn’t help but think.

“Are you sure?”

As he was about to agree, his stomach betrayed him and growled. They both were silent.

“May I buy something to eat?”

“You don’t need to.”

“Don’t be like that, boy, I’m going to think you’re scared of me. You’re not, aren’t you?” He smirked.

Now, he looked at him like a scientist curious to see how his experiment would turn out. In front of his hesitation, his smile (if it was possible) grew wider.

“Of course not, sir, I just need to go get my bag at the top of the bridge.”

“I’ll wait. Don’t run away, okay?”

“O-of course !”

The kid was funny, Dazai decided. A jumpy little thing who tried to appear brave. He liked it. A good person who didn’t want to hurt anyone, be it physically or emotionally.

This kind of person was rare to come upon, even in the world of light. He hadn’t exactly planned to torture him (the word was a tad too strong to describe his behaviour) but come on - he had failed his suicide and had nothing else to do to purge his mind of everything.

What should he have done ?

Behave ?

Boring ~

He led the kid toward Lupin’s and used this time to watch him. Silver - almost white - hair which fell on his shoulders and golden eyes. Puberty still hadn’t hit him. How young was he exactly? Dazai had never been good at determining someone’s age. He only dubbed people in two categories “useful” and “useless”.

He still wasn’t sure in which category he was going to put the kid.

Shivers and sneezes shook Atsushi. That’s not how he had expected to spend his evening. Following a stranger in an area of the city he had never explored wasn’t exactly a part of his plan.

“Excuse me, s-sir -”

“Name is Dazai.”

“Dazai-san, where are we going ?”

“Somewhere I like spending times to. Don’t worry I’m not going to kidnap you.”

Saying it aloud wasn’t really reassuring but it was too late to go back. He had the intuition running away from Dazai wouldn’t be possible as long as the teen focused on him.

They arrived to a dark alley and went into it. Things didn’t seem to improve.

In front of him, a sign where Lupin’s was written. It had been washed away  by time and rain and thus had adopted a upsetting yellowish colour.

“Let’s go inside, then !” Dazai announced cheerfully.

They started walking downstairs. Muffled voices could be heard but some in particular seemed to increase Dazai’s already excited mood.

“So they are here tonight ! This night is getting more and more interesting.”

They arrived to a poorly lit room where few people were chatting. However, only those at the counter seemed to interest the strange man he had just met. Next to them stood a calico cat, busy cleaning itself.  

“Odasaku ! Ango ! I brought us a new drinking buddy.”

This is not going to happen, Atsushi quickly decided. Maybe if he slipped away now that Dazai no longer looked at him… However, the cat didn’t want to stop playing with his prey. A bandaged arm encircled his shoulders and brought him in front of the two men.

The first one, a severe almost austere man with round glasses stared at him.

“Dazai-kun, he is a child. He can’t drink alcohol.”

“Nonsense ! I had already started drinking at his age !”

This time a mischievous smile had settled. He didn’t really believe what he was saying, he only wanted to provoc the other. A new mask had appeared. Atsushi wondered how many of those he had.

Ravenous, mirthful and playful. How many facets did his personality have?

Maybe thinking about it would only end up in an headache. Some people were like water, no matter how long you spent you’d never be able to totally get them.

As lost as he was in his thoughts, he took quite a while to really see the other man. Wine coloured hair and an almost aloof expression.

“Good evening, sir.” He stuttered.

“Call me, Odasaku.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Atsushi bowed.

“Not fair, Odasaku has already activated his overprotective mother hen mode.” Dazai winced.

“What’s your name?” Oda continued, obviously used to Dazai’s antics.

“So that’s what I forgot to ask him !”

“You brought him here without asking his name, Dazai-kun !”

“Ango is scary when he wants to be. ~”

“I’m Nakajima Atsushi.”

Odasaku smiled softly. His blue eyes shone gently.

“Do you want to eat something? This bar doesn’t have a wide variety of food, maybe we should go to a restaurant... “

He often forgot to eat, still not quite used to have access to food. The fact his deadline was approaching didn’t help.

“Odasaku ! Don’t steal him away, I’m the one who said I’d buy him something to eat.”

He had for Dazai the kind of strong affection and tolerance a  person would have for a younger sibling.

“Nakajima-kun, won’t your parents worry if you don’t get home soon?”

He didn’t know how much he should tell them but in reaction to Oda’s encouraging expression he found himself saying :

“There are no risks. I don’t have parents.”

Moment of silence.

“Well, Odasaku sure is going to adopt him now.”

“Are you living with relatives, then?”

“No, I- I have no idea who my family is. I’m living in a small apartment.”

“Really, how are you paying for it?”

His answers  had revived Dazai’s curiosity or maybe it had just been put on hold for a moment.

“I have a job.”

“Aren’t you a bit too young?”

“I-”

“No, don’t say anything, I’m sure I can guess what you do, Atsushi-kun.”

Why had such a joyful person tried to take his own life?

Don’t be an idiot. Do you really think depressed people wear a distinctive sign?

Depressed? Could he be ?

“You probably can.” Oda agreed. Then to Atsushi : “You should sit, no point in staying up.”

“I definitely can’t fail if Odasaku has faith in me. Well then, let’s get started, you’re quite a scrawny kid so probably not a physical job. Not a governmental job, no matter how hypocritical they are, they wouldn’t appoint someone underage. So, something linked to entertainment, isn’t it ?”

“You’re right.”

Him, being smart was hardly surprising. Someone who had played him as if he was a mere musical instrument couldn’t be totally stupid.

“It’s legal, I presume ?”

“Dazai-kun…” Ango warned him.

The fact he even had to ask told him more than he wanted to know about Dazai’s line of work.

“Can you sing, Atsushi-kun?”

“I’m a writer, or at least that’s the closest word to describe what I do.”

He wrote books, they seemed to be successful but he didn’t know why, so yes, it was a pretty good way to describe it.

“Really?”

This time, it was Odasaku, not Dazai who had spoken.

“Do you like reading, Oda-san?”

“Yes, I’d also like to write if I can, one day.”

“I’m sorry if it comes out as rude, but, why don’t you do it now?”

“I don’t deserve to write about life, not for the moment.”

“Writing isn’t about deserving something. I would never have been able to if it had been the case.”

A new staring contest was his answer. Maybe, he should have kept quiet.

“I’m sorry, I should take my leave.”

He stood up but as he was going to walk away, his feet came into contact with soft fur.

The ground met his face far too quickly for him to react.

Hurg.

Could this situation even worsen?

“Are you alright, Nakajima?”

“Yes, Ango-san. Thank you.”

“Should we go outside ? A bit of fresh air will help.”

“Please, don’t bother. I’m perfectly fine.”

The cat softly purred against his legs, unaware of the stir he had just caused. Or maybe he just didn’t care.

“Let’s get you something to eat.”

“I’m the one who invited him. Don’t steal him away.” Dazai pouted once again.

“Then, we should go somewhere where you can buy him something.”

“There is a good restaurant two streets away.” Ango said.

As he was busy listening to them, he didn’t notice the cat playing with his bag. Only when what it contained fell loudly on the ground did he realize it.

“Is that Tsukishiro Ren’s novel? Did you take inspiration from his work?” Oda asked.

“O ! Odasaku went into his fanboy mode.”

“His stories are good.” The older explained.

“I read a few of his short stories. It can be a bit hard to read per moment but it’s really interesting.”

Atsushi felt his cheeks burn. Getting praises hadn’t become any easier.

He inhaled deeply but it helped as much as pouring oil on a wildfire. A part of him hoped they hadn’t noticed his reaction. Yet, even after such a short amount of time, he had the strong impression nothing could escape Dazai.

“Interesting.” Dazai merely said.

“What do you mean?”

“It seems you finally got to meet one of your favorite authors, Odasaku.”

Fa- favorite author? I’ve only published two short stories collections !

“You’re Tsukishiro-sensei, Atsushi-kun?”

“Please don’t call me “sensei”.” He blushed.

If Ango still seemed doubtful, it wasn’t Oda’s case. He had merely accepted the fact that a well known author happened to be a twelve years old child.

It must be nearly impossible to shock him, Atsushi concluded.

“If Dazai says he is, it’s probably true.” Oda added.

“Still, he is far too young, how old are you exactly?”

“I’m twelve.”

“That’s what I mean, how could he- Are you some kind of genius?”

“I’m really not.”

He’d always remember. Those lonely days he’d spend, doing nothing but chores and how imagining stories had been the only way to live. To go further away than survival.

How it had helped him to keep his already severely wounded humanity. To remain sane.

You couldn’t spend your days doing one activity and not at least get a little good at it.

Oda-san nodded softly and led them outside.

“So what do you want to eat?”

“Anything is fine.”

“Come on ! You must have a favorite kind of food.” Dazai pushed him, putting back his arm around his shoulders. “Don’t worry about money.”

“I-I wou- wouldn’t mind ochazuke.”

A soft chuckle escaped Dazai.

“Ochazuke it is ! I hope you both don’t mind.”

“Not really.” Ango answered.

“I don’t really care.”

“Let’s go then, it would be a shame if such an interesting kid died of hunger after all.”

Interesting?

Why did this word seem to foreshadow awful things?

Before this moment, Dazai had barely paid attention to Tsukishiro Ren. He had heard about him from the slug and Ane-san but hadn’t cared. Why would a novice novelist interest him? He would probably disappear in a few months as it was often the case. The entertainment world could sometimes be as merciless as the mafia’s.

Yet, he had to admit his surprise. For such a young and bland person to be an emerging celebrity. It definitely deserved a place in the “useful” category.

He looked at him, at Nakajima Atsushi and how he tried to convince Odasaku he didn’t need a fifth bowl of ochazuke. A useless battle really, his slimness had condemned him to be taken care of by the assassin.

Ane-san liked describing his short stories as “bittersweet”, how they captured the darkness of the world without removing hope. Despite her so-called hatred for this feeling, the woman would always have a romantic heart and be sensible to the subject.

The dwarf liked them for how dynamic and epic they could be. He couldn’t hide his enthusiasm when a new story was published.

Maybe he could advantage of it.

“Atsushi-kun, would you mind signing me one of your book?”

“Of course not, Dazai-san.”

Ango sneaked a suspicious glance. He must have guessed what he wanted.

“I only have this exemplar, though, and it isn’t in its best shape.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not a problem !”

The boy took out his fountain pen and quickly wrote in it before giving it to Dazai.

“I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will !”

After this, the meal quickly came to an end.

As Atsushi was about to walk home, Oda interrupted him. In his hand stood a paper with number on it.

“If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate, I’ll help you.”

“Thank you, Oda-san.”

“And I’d like to thank you for what you said sooner.”

“It’s nothing. I look forward to the day I’ll be able to read one of your story, Oda-san.”

An almost shy smile bloomed on the man’s face.

“Maybe I’ll send you one of my draft. If they can be given this name.”

“Thank you. I’ll make sure of reading it.”

“Have a good night, Nakajima. Please be careful on your way home.”

“I will. Good night.”

Dazai stood on his bed, wide awake. Once again, sleep had deserted him. How pleasant it would be to fall asleep forever. To finally get away from this overwhelming exhaustion…

He closed his eyes but still nothing. How he loved insomnia... Well, better not waste time on this endeavor.

He stared for a moment at the book he had brought back. Why not after all? He was bored and at least, he’d learn more about the kid.

He opened it and started reading

[goddamnitdazai]

dark writer; show me the yandere mori and Akutagawa headcanons [sfw and nsfw]

I will show you my child, but as with every Yandere post I must put this so I don’t get the dominating discourse again. Yandere characters portray unhealthy relationship habits and dynamics; below are examples of that. In canon Mori is a narcissistic manipulative man - Akutagawa has a dominating personality in canon. My Yandere! hcs for them amplify those traits. Read at your own risk[ TW: Mentions of dub-con - rough sex - control issues ]

[Mori]•You are never out of Mori’s sightunless you need to go to the restroom and even then he follows you and waitsoutside the door if you happen to be in a public place. Days he’s stuck in hisoffice dealing with whatever nonsense paperwork thrown his way you are perchedon his lap, legs wrapped around his waist and head cradled in the crook of hisneck. If you happen to get bored he moves with you. Want to lie on the couchand watch a movie on the iPad? You’re snuggled up on Mori while he finishes readingreports. Getting restless and want to go for a walk? You’re walking hand inhand with Mori around the park or somewhere near the Port Mafia HQ.•Mori doesn’t mind you having passwords on your phone or electronics—he canfigure it out in two seconds anyway. Besides, he can tell the moment you’rehiding something from him or lying. Why bother searching through your emails ortexts when he knows more malicious ways of making you spill your secrets. Moritakes the severity and reason of the lie or what you were hiding intoconsideration when he’s thinking of punishments, but they all fall on thedevious side because you did lie to him and he can’t have you thinking that’sokay behavior.•Nobody speaks to you without express permission except for Kouyou and Chuuya,but even then Mori must always be present—at least with Chuuya. The only timeyou’re permitted to leave his sight is if you’re in the care of Kouyou butthere’s an undetectable tracker embedded right beneath your ear. Mori mentionedthe placement of a tracker after you woke up in bed with no memory of theprevious day, and he ensured you he completed the implantation as any properdoctor would and he would remove it if your relationship ever ended—not that itwill. •Your clothes are picked out each morning by Mori himself—of course Elise hasher input and she has to like everything he picks out—and everything istailored to accentuate Mori’s favorite parts of your body. Plunging necklines,bitty skirts that ride up when if you bend over and of course garters.Depending on how horny Mori is feeling that day you’ll either be going commandoor wearing something very lacy and complicated for underwear.•If Mori ever has to go away on business you’re not allowed to leave the house,period. Kouyou can come over for lunch or to hang out with you while he’s gonebut he’s made it explicitly clear you are not to leave the premises. There areguards everywhere and a few assigned to follow you if you decide to leave. Ifyou try to leave at any point for any reason when Mori gets back he handcuffsyou to the bed as punishment and ‘grounds you’ for a week.[NSFW]•He dresses you up like you’re his doll. Lingerie in pastel colors with lacecovering your nipples and cutting across your stomach. White garters withmatching stockings. Anything babydoll is his favorite. Mori takes pride inmaking you look absolutely perfect before tearing the lingerie to shreds andbruising your perfectly smooth skin. Nights when Mori breaks out the silksheets and white blindfold are nights you end up bruised and nearly bedriddenthe next day. If you’re able to get out of bed Mori isn’t happy at all.•If Mori is using sex as punishment you’re in for a long night. Mori ismeticulous, calculated, and cold to the bone if you’ve angered him. There’s nocute lingerie and soft kisses for being good; time completely escapes thebedroom even if decides to keep the blindfold off. Heavy drapes cover thewindows, all the clocks are removed and the only thing left is Mori, his velvetbox of toys, and you. Mori prefers not to use more than is necessary includingbondage. Ropes tying your wrists up and your legs open are all he needs.•If Mori wants to embarrass you he’ll fuck you on his desk in front of the otherexecutives. He’ll make you ride his cock until you’re thighs are sore and assis bruised from his nails digging into the skin. Plead with him to wait and he’llfuck you harder so not only can they see it they can hear the noises your bodyis making, how wet you are for him.[Akutagawa]•Akutagawa leaves bite marks in very obvious places so people know you belong tohim. There’s not a member of the Port Mafia that hasn’t seen the red and purplemarks indented with his teeth along your neck and sometimes your shouldersdepending on how nippy he was feeling that morning. As if his glowering stanceand Rashomon snapping fangs behind him the minute someone’s eyes fall upon yourform Akutagawa wants people to see without question you belong to him. • If Akutagawa wants you somewhere, say his lap when you’re lounging elsewhere,he doesn’t hesitate to grab you by the hair and yank you right on him. Ifyou’re far enough away he’ll use Rashomon and he’ll let you know flat out thisis a warning and if you’re ever further than an arm’s reach away there wil beconsequences. He demands access to you throughout the day when he’s not off onmissions; you’re his afterall. • On days you really test his patiencehe collars you and uses a leash around the house. He’ll make you kneel at hisfeet with your head on his lap like a dog. Rarely does he allow you to wearclothes when you’re being collared and treated like the pet you are. The dayafter being collared your body is littered with new love bites. • In public Akutagawa makes little to no effort to be physical. He expects youto know the boundaries which includes straying further than a foot away fromhim or talking to other men. Unless he’s given them the okay prior—the onlypeople on that list are his superiors—any man who attempts to catch yourattention is skewered instantly.  Malefriends are off limits, period. If he catches a hint of you befriending a maleconsider them marked for death—and Akutagawa does not take the feeling ofbetrayal lightly. A week will pass before you’re allowed to leave the house,and even then Akutagawa seriously considers keeping you there permanentlyunless he’s with you.[NSFW]• Dub-con is an unwritten rule in your relationship; Akutagawa made it clearfrom the start your body belongs to him. When he wants you on his cock he hasyou on his cock, no exceptions. If he needs to fuck out a shitty day until you’rehips have dark purple outlines of his hands and you’re dizzy from cumming hedamn well does exactly that. You could be in the middle of doing the dishesAkutagawa doesn’t care; he’ll rip your underwear to the side and have you rightover the sink.• Akutagawa revels in tying you up with very intricate bondage. The more marksfrom the rope the better. Some days when he’s feeling extra cruel he’ll rub histhumb over your clit, barely touching, for as long as it takes to get you tobeg for him. You can’t move and even if you managed to wiggle just a touch outof line Rashomon instantly pins you back to the mattress.• Jealousy triggers rough sex from Akutagawa, but it’s different than his usualdominating touch. He doesn’t tie you up and he doesn’t leave ripped clothing onyou. He wants you naked, submissive and completely exposed to him. He asks youover and over who you belong to, demands that you grab his hair and rake yournails down his back. Teeth marks litter your neck and shoulders afterwards andhe refuses to let you leave his side for the rest of the night.