#“that’s belgium. i feel like i’m losing interest in everything and that i will lose my ability to create as well—”

[nazumichi]

love talking to my brother. here i sit wallowing in confusion and ever-present rage, wording a pent-up spiel about how the less time i’m spending drawing is kicking my mental health in the ribs, and he artfully answers with “ok but can you guess which country this flag represents.”

[vro0m]

Thoughts about the Lewis x Jay Shetty podcast and how they relate to frequent themes, for my future reference :

Loneliness : (Abu Dhabi 2011)

I wonder what his socialization was like given he was bullied at school and then away on the weekends. Did he have friends? Did he get to spend time with other kids in normal situations? He said “missed a lot of that social interaction also.”

Couldn't talk to his parents, mom because she couldn't understand the racial abuse, dad because he would see it as weakness

It's interesting that he thinks basically the drivers should be friends because they have a lot in common but they can't because of how the sport is and it's also sad. I wonder how he feels about it, he didn't say. 

The loneliness of being the first and only

Injustice : (Belgium 2014)

The school trauma seems much more extensive than I thought although he mentions it often

He felt like the school system was against him -> feeds into things we talked about re: being repeatedly exposed to injustice and never feeling like anyone has his back (+ can't talk to his parents or any adults about it = loneliness) -> trust issues + need for control + gets paranoid at times

Anthony :

Tougher than I thought... I mean I knew he wasn't warm and outwardly loving but the whole crying is for the weak is explicitly harsh

It's curious Lewis mentions the effects of bad report cards in abusive households. Does he consider his household abusive, then?

He mentions needing to win to be accepted aka rejection if he doesn't win? That's harsh af.

Then he adds the not winning is losing bit I mean...

Mentions again the conflict with his dad which is A Big Thing in his life

Mental health :

I feel like he still has a lot of work to do because right now it’s “yeah everything was bad and I suppressed a lot of it but I’m fine lol.” Kinda feels like he's not done unpacking but hey what do I know (answer : nothing)

The rollercoaster you go through from the extremes that sports put you through is so fascinating to me and I wish I could do a research project on it like fr. I would love to do study cases of athletes to see how it impacts the way they function as human beings. I have a hunch it truly modifies the way they process things.

Always the search for bigger meaning and sense, his place in the world -> need to belong (-> loneliness + injustice)

It's interesting how much tension he lives in with his perfectionism and the whole life flashing before his eyes in his last lap for the 2020 WDC, and the pressure he puts on himself and other put on him, and all that. I wonder what it's gonna be like for him psychologically once he doesn't have to live like that anymore. I wonder if he'll be able to let go of it. 

The competitiveness never going away is another type of energy that I wonder about. Where will he put it? What will he do with it? How is it gonna affect him without the F1 outlet? It might be good or bad.

Very interesting asking him about being alone with his own thoughts in the car, too bad he didn't really answer. 

Not surprised he wasn't kind to himself, that goes with the perfectionist/control theme + Anthony + injustice

The need to belong but the difficulty to build trust because of past experiences is everywhere (injustice + Anthony + loneliness)

F1 :

The whole part about it being intense when he got in F1 because he wasn’t PR taught is spot-on with things I noted in the rewatch, aka the video where he said he didn’t know if he still enjoyed it.

The three steps of you part is spot-on re: the recurrent topic of his true self vs his PR persona and the difference between the two and the circumstances that gave birth to the latter

I love that he said you get more and more in your shell and you become harder to relate to. Great insight.

The way him and Toto relate to each other although being different -> the parallels in their trajectories (cf. the essay)

I like that he didn't wanna wear the stupid race as one shirt.

He is indeed preparing his retirement very actively.

Other :

The whole part about him being from a biracial family is so interesting. Good insight.

Kinda tired of the inspiration pxrn ngl but I like that despite that and him saying you can do whatever you want he ultimately understands that it's not that easy and that there's social structures in place preventing that from being true. It's interesting how he goes back and forth about it at the moment but not surprising (cf. end of positive thinking post)

Jay Shetty has really good questions but a lot of time Lewis doesn't really answer them, it's a shame.

I admire his sense of responsibility but also it's so hard on people like him. You get the few or lone person fighting their way into a world that's basically closed to them and then they have that added work of taking on that responsibility on top of everything else. Unfair.

Storytelling as a tool is something he uses a lot actually, hence maybe all the maxims or whatever they're called.

I didn't see the criticism of capitalism coming lol. Easy to make fun of but in his defense, it's not like there's a manuel on what to do with your money when you think you shouldn't have that much. We will see, it's an interesting development.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

024 of 2023

Do you share a name with any celebrities?

I’ve never encountered any famous man who shares the name with me, but maybe I’m missing something.

What’s your birth stone?

I couldn’t care less.

Do you read your horoscopes every day?

No, astrology means nothing to me.

What’s your favorite drink?

Vanilla coke.

What color is associated with your Zodiac sign?

I can’t be bothered, I don’t give a crap about such things.

Have you ever been hit on by someone way too old for you?

Yeah, happened once.

Have you ever worked in fast food?

Never.

Have you ever flirted with a friend’s mom?

Lol no? I’m not into women anyway.

Do you ignore people often?

Not on purpose.

Do you drink a lot of water?

No, I hate the taste of water. I can’t force myself to drink it.

Do you like fireworks?

Neither like nor dislike.

Is respect given or earned with you?

I respect everyone, unless they give me a solid reason not to.

What’s your favorite snack food?

Veggies.

Do you text a lot?

Only my dad.

What’s your favorite color to wear?

Black, definitely.

Do you like wind chimes?

Nah, I find their sound annoying.

Are you any good with Photoshop?

I am, but I prefer to use GIMP.

How many megapixels does your camera have?

48 in my phone plus wide-angle lens, and 21 in my old camera.

Do you use the right shift button or the left more?

Well, I have a disabled hand, so.

Do you like remixes?

If they’re well-made, then sure.

Do you put stickers on your electronics?

Yeah, mostly on my laptop.

Are you homophobic?

Well, I’m into guys. Being homophobic in my case would indicate a great internal conflict. In other words, no I’m not, because I’m gay as well.

What’s the last gift you received?

I don’t remember.

Have you ever forgotten someone’s birthday?

I’d do it all the time if I didn’t have reminders.

Do you wear your hair up or down usually?

My hair is short, so how many options do I have?

Do you hate anyone for no reason?

No, I don’t hate people. Such a waste of energy.

Are you ‘in the closet’ about anything?

I don’t discuss my orientation with people, so kind of this.

Do you lie to make yourself feel better?

No, it’s stupid.

Are you a social butterfly or a wall flower?

A mix of both. Everything with the right people.

Do you wear a lot of make up?

I’m a man.

Are you missing any teeth?

Yeah, one from my teens already, when I was attending basketball trainings and I accidentally got hit in the face with the ball. I couldn’t find that tooth anymore, but it’s a shame that I haven’t fixed it. Oh well, it’s horribly expensive here.

Have you ever been to any of the Great Lakes?

Never been to the US. Nor Canada, fr the record.

What’s your favorite number?

16.

Do you have any pictures of family around your house?

No, I don’t.

Do you like scrapbooking?

It’s not my #1 thing.

Did you just lose the game?

Everyone does from time to time.

Are you one of those girls who have a “wife?”

I’m not a girl in the first place. But I’m a man who has a husband, what about it?

What was/will be your first tattoo?

It was a red ionising radiation warning symbol, in a splatter style. I like it.

Do you have any tattoos dedicated to someone special?

No, only to certain events in my life.

Do you style your hair often?

I put some hair wax or gel in it because I hate it when it’s lying flat on my head.

Do you shave your legs?

No. Why would I anyway?

What is the next piercing you want to get?

I think I’ve gotten everything I was really interested in.

Do you like ghost stories?

Nah they’re boring.

What was your favorite movie as a kid?

I’ve never liked movies. It’s been always an effective way to make me fall asleep.

Did you watch Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers?

I don’t think so.

What color are your eyes?

Dark grey.

If you could dye your hair any color you wanted at all, what would it be?

Bright red or maybe purple.

Do you know anyone who was born in a different country?

A lot of people. Belgium is full of immigrants, mind you. I have friends from Romania who live in Antwerp, for example. I know some Arabs and black or Asian people. It’s normal here.

What state do you live in?

None, I’m Belgian. Belgium doesn’t have states, we do have provinces.

[repentantsky]

5 People Who Should Not Be in The Gaming industry

Our choice of entertainment, when we choose video games has nearly endless potential, with works that are inspiring from varying genre’s, to varying resources, and many people who work on these games are as inspiring as they are instrumental to the industry’s continued growth and success, these 5 people, here are none of these things, and are nothing short of a detriment to it. Whether it’s because they broke the law, multiple times, clearly don’t care about the people who work under them, or are simply unable to tell their fans the truth, here are 5 people, who simply should not be here. Be warned, I may trigger you one way or the other depending on where you stand, and I’m not sorry about it if you want to defend these losers. Oh and, one final note, my lists aren’t usually ranked by how important an entry is, or in this case, how messed up they are, but rather by how much I want to talk about them, so do keep that in mind. 

5. David Cage. 

David might be the least unworthy person on this list, depending on how you look at it, (I think he’s one of the worst people here, but you do you) but he’s also possibly the biggest A-hole. Running the company Quantic Dream, most regarded for their game Detroit: Become Human, the company, Cage, and another key member have been under investigation for years, for mistreating their employees, and violating contracts. Most famously with Elliot Page, back before when he was known as Ellen Page, as the game Beyond: Two Souls, did have a fully nude model that for a time could be hacked to be visible in the game, which was a violation of the contract Elliot had signed at that time. Other accusations include, bullying, anti-woman rights shown in the work place, and harassment of employees, namely of the female variety. This isn’t mere speculation either, as Quantic Dream did a few years back, lose a case against a former employee in court, and if one thing most people have learned about abuse or mistreatment of others these days, is that if there’s one case, there’s probably more. While things have been quiet on this front in light of COVID-19, the investigation, is still on-going. 

4. Randy Pitchford. 

The laundry list of offenses this man has committed should have seen him end up in jail, but money talks, and he settled his crimes out of court. What crimes did he commit you ask? Let me see if I can remember everything. He, supposedly had child pornography on a flash drive, for which he was acquitted, with that never being shown in a way that can be confirmed or denied, he refused to work with Troy Baker on Borderlands 3 who played Rhys in Tales from the Borderlands, because Troy has joined the closest thing to a union within voice acting, which meant Pitchford would have had to follow certain guidelines, that he wasn’t willing to, he stole 12 million dollars meant to be bonuses for employees of Take Two after completing Borderlands 2, and the opening funds for Borderlands 3, which he seemingly used to pay off his court case, he assaulted Claptrap’s original VA when they were still working together, and refused to bring him back in Borderlands 3 because he wouldn’t do the voice for free after leaving like he had before, he refused to pay a musician for work done on Duke Nukem Forever, and while not nearly as heinous as the rest of these, refuses to acknowledge that any criticism against Alien: Colonel Marines is legitimate. So yeah, complete A-whole. Kind of makes you wonder how people like this stay in the industry, instead of in jail where they belong.

3. Todd Howard.

Todd Howard, is to put it lightly, a habitual liar, and often tries to play up his good guy persona while lying through his teeth. Fallout 76 is a key example of how he can lie, as just about everything he said about the game when it was announced, was untrue, though he’s used to that as he also lied about Skyrim, Fallout 4, Elder Scrolls Blades, Elder Scrolls online, seemingly favoring single player games while 76 was still not known to the public, the list goes on. Todd Howard, for as bad as his voice is for it, is basically the hype man for everything major Bethesda does, and usually seems to be in charge for finding a fall guy when his lies don’t come to fruition. It’s not really shocking per-say that he lies, but man, it would be nice if he could just tell the truth, if anyone could believe anything he says. Never, have I heard so many untrue things said about a game from one man, and yet, you literally have to question everything that comes out of his mouth, and assume all of it is overplayed nonsense, because Bethesda seemingly pays him to try and make us believe that he can say anything of factual value. But alas, he can’t, he even lied about the paid mods controversies Bethesda tried to pull, both times they did it, and nothing came of it. Someone who cannot seem to tell the truth, should not be in this industry.   

2.  Marcin Iwinski. 

This may not be a name instantly recognizable to many, but Marcin is co-founder of CD Projekt Red, and is it’s most prolific liar. Unlike other CEO’s who have people below them spread lies so fans go after them instead of the guy at the top, Marcin has been Cyberpunk 2077′s voice in a manner of speaking, as he was the one told all of us the lies surrounding the game. He tells people what to say about the game, so he’s responsible for the lies made to retailers, fans, and of course Sony and Microsoft, and he even tried to get ahead of a piece written by Jason Schreier, with a non-apology that was actually more damage control for the horrible release of Cyberpunk 2077. While he’s by no means the only person who has committed these sorts of acts in this industry, his recent example of what a CEO will do to save face for his company, regardless of much BS there is within, makes him a prime target for fans to show those who run massive game companies, that lying to people for years, be it about how a game is running, or how it’s being made, shout out to all those people he said weren’t crunching, and then trying to downplay it when we found out, is not okay. Letting people like that go, only incites more to do the same. 

1. Andrew Wilson. 

Yet another name you might not know off the top of your head, Andrew Wilson is the CEO of EA, a company that is so corrupt under his watch, that they tried to break Belgium gambling laws because they just...thought they were above it? I don’t know the whole story there, but I do know that EA, under his run as CEO, clearly thinks it can do anything it wants, and feels like they can lie about whatever they choose, regardless of how poorly it reflects on the industry, or how it hurts smaller developers just trying to turn their passion into a career. Killing off beloved studios like Visceral games, Black Box Studios, Origin, and Playfish to name just a few, EA has become the killer of studios, and every time Andrew Wilson’s face is on screen, smart people began to worry. Mr. Surprise Mechanics himself may not have committed any crimes that we know of (aside from again, breaking Belgium law because he thought he could get away with it), nor has he lied his way to success in the public, but killing off studios loved by all in order to force everyone under his employ to mainly focus on games as a service, a move that is more harmful than good in the industry, is cause enough for him to be forced out. 

And that’s my list, what did you think? It’s not often someone actually calls people out in this industry, and I honestly think more people need to do it so there’s some of that. Let me know if you can think of anyone else who deserves being a swift kick out the door, reblog this if it interested you, and feel free to leave a note. 

[alotsgonnachange]

Fan apprentice Bios

for the alotsgonnachange/the arcana cinematic universe that eye personally believe to be better than the original game...

Name: Isabella Ciccino

Meaning: Promise of God

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Height: 5′10

Birthday: October 28th

Star sign: Scorpio

MBTI: ISFJ-T

Patron Arcana: Justice

Sexuality: Lesbian

Favorite Food: Lemon chicken orzo

Drink: White wine (Vinho Verde)

Magical abilities: Plant care/recognition (green witch), Foraging

Ethnicity: A small rocky/mediterranean esque island off the coast of Venterre that would strongly resemble sicily and malta.

Family: Mother, Angela Ciccino (deceased). Younger sister, Annamaria Ciccino (deceased)

Backstory: WIP

Occupation: Seamstress/tailor

Hobbies: Ballet, reading, drinking wine, dancing, tending to plants

Familiar: None (for now i guess??)

Love Interest: Nadia

Description: Isabella is a mysterious and alluring magician. To most people she is kind and charming, but private. She is incredibly helpful and caring to those she is friends with and cares about and will drop what she’s doing to assist. Likes to do quiet introspective work like reading, sewing, knitting and caring for plants. She’s a bit of a homebody in that sense. She comes across as level-headed and assertive in formal settings and does not allow others to talk down to her. With friends, she is a bit more sassy and teasing. She hates answering personal questions and has strict boundaries, which can lead to her being standoffish and stubborn at times.

As a Love Interest: Very loyal and committed, generally very gentle towards whoever she is seeing. You are going to have to get her to open the fuck up though she’s not good at being vulnerable AT ALL. The type of gf who may or may not qualify as a therapist/mother which…yikes. needs to work through her fear of intimacy before she can have a healthy relationship awwww 5/10

___

Name: Danielle Dupont

Meaning: God is my judge

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Height: 5′6

Birthday: September 7th

Star sign: Virgo

MBTI: ENFP-A

Patron Arcana: The Sun

Sexuality: Bi

Favorite food: Pain au Chocolat (Chocolatine for my canadians…)

Favorite drink: Espresso or a good wheaty ale

Magical Abilities: Sexual magic, chemistry/potionmaking, candle magic, topical balms/solutions

Ethnicity: Whatever the Arcana equivalent is of like. Western Europe germanic? A country including but not limited to Germany, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Switzerland. Who cares really she is white and an Orphan

Family: Orphan!

Backstory: WIP

Occupation: Shop owner who sells potions, balms, candles and various other uhhh items usually of the purpose of sex (literally think a modern day sex shop with dildos and shit but also candles and skincare too)

Hobbies: Socializing, singing, making/testing potions, foraging, baking

Familiar: None, is in fact frightened of several animals due to trauma :(

Love interest: Lucio (Her taste is questionable and that’s okay!), also portia

Description: Danielle is a cunning and animated witch. She’s outgoing, bright and carries herself with confidence. In the past this has made her friends and enemies alike. She’s charming but can be a bit of a trickster. Her demeanor is generally calm and she does not often experience strong anger. She’s very smart and dedicated to her craft, and she is a perfectionist. As a worker, she gives excellent customer service and is a good saleswoman. To her friends, she’s teasing and wild, but loving and encouraging. On her worst days, she has the potential to be a bit more inconsiderate and is not the best at handling huge displays of emotions from others.

As a Love Interest: Girlllll…. first of all she needs to stop being emotionally stunted! My good sis cannot handle open displays of emotion at all and tends to shut down! The physical aspects are all there and excellent and she is going to be sweet, caring and loving but she needs to take things more seriously and be able to talk about feelings!!! 3/10

____

Name: Jia Song

Meaning: In korean it’s “clear�� or “good”

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Height: 5’5”

Birthday: August 5th

Star sign: Leo

MBTI: ENFJ-A

Sexuality: Bi

Favorite Food: Pulled pork or a good seasoned steak

Drink: limeade

Magical Abilities: Potions/herbs and healing

Ethnicity: Her father is from the same country as Ki (in a modern AU, this would be like. Korea.) and her mother is from somewhere uhhhh near nopal or something. Warm tropical nice (in a modern au this would be Brazil), but she grew up in her mother's country.

Family: I don't currently have names but basically, her father, mother, aunt (deceased) and two younger brothers.

Backstory: will be linked coming soon

Occupation: Healer, researcher, linguist

Hobbies: Dancing, reading, adventuring

Familiar: None

Love Interest: Julian

Description: Jia is a bright and curious magician. She’s a bit nerdy and loves reading/learning new disciplines. She is an energetic and altruistic person who is liked by many. She comes off as kind and forthcoming. She is very helpful and if she can’t help directly she will find someone who can with her connections. To her friends, she is loyal and sweet and affectionate, but also has the potential to be grumpy and even a bit negative. She’s very determined in hard situations and won’t back down until things are made right. Despite this, she can potentially overthink and overestimate situations and is incredibly stubborn when she wants to be.

As a romantic partner: loving, but definitely also able to keep independence. Not necessarily a stage 5 clinger but somewhere in the middle. She will love just spending lots of time with a partner and just picking their brain and learning everything she can from them. The type to brag about them to her friends. A wonderful listener but give her a chance to speak too she likes talking a lot as well! 10/10 would recommend

____

Name: Ki (Kiyoung) Kim

Meaning: Debatable but Ki alone means arisen and i’m getting “Vigor and eternal” But i think names differ based on the characters u use i am not korean so take this with a grain of salt

Gender: Nonbinary i think...

Pronouns: He/him or they/them doesn't have a preference

Height: 5′8″ Short king

Birthday: February 27th

Star sign: Pisces

MBTI: INFP-T

Sexuality: Gay

Favorite food: Budae Jjigae or Yongeun jorim

Favorite drink: any alcoholic beverage where you can’t taste the alcohol and strawberry milk

Magical Ability: Divination and mediumship (idk what the proper term is) so he can communicate with spirits/the dead

Ethnicity: Think of a small nation veeeery far away from Vesuvia that's cold for a lot of the year (for reference, think Korea).

Family: a twin sister named Jiyoung, 3 older sisters (Jiwoo, Jeongyeon, Joonhwa), mother and father and paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother who are living.

Backstory: will be linked coming soon

Occupation: Musician - mostly guitar and piano. Enjoys instrument care, arranging and performing in large ensembles, not a soloist by any means. He’s a great singer but he’s shy and singing gives him anxiety

Hobbies: Playing guitar, composing/arranging, reading, writing, shopping

Familiar: a tiny white dragon named Egg. Idc if dragons exist in this world but i feel like they HAVE to..

Love Interest: Asra

Description: Ki is a perceptive and witty magician. To most he comes off as a bit anxious and shy, which he is. Once you get past that, he’s eager, forthcoming and empathetic. He is very kind and likes to believe people have good intentions. He is very helpful and always tries to make sure others are comfortable and happy. He enjoys music and learning musical instruments. He prefers to work more in the background so as to not draw attention to himself. With his friends, he’s actually very talkative, silly and goofy. He’s prone to anxiety and may tense up or feel attacked when put into frightening situations. Unfortunately he has self destructive tendencies and low self esteem and has a hard time due to that.

As a Love Interest: perfect little s/o shut the FUCK UP…. that is if u can deal with low self esteem and anxiety! He really really tries though! He’s also shy with physical affection but will warm up to it eventually with familiarity and trust. Very doting and randomly shows up with delicious food and takes care of u when ur sick. 8/10

____

Name: Mathilde “Tilly” LaRue

Meaning: Mighty In Battle? Lol

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Height: 5’11

Birthday: January 16

Star Sign: Capricorn

MBTI: INTP-A

Sexuality: Bi

Favorite Food: Lentil soup

Drink: Black coffee

Magical Abilities: Divination, telekinesis, herbs, defensive magic

Ethnicity: From a large urban area with a large population somewhere in an area a bit cooler and rainier than Vesuvia. (think like. England)(in a modern AU think Afro-caribbean)

Family: Mother and Mother and an older sister named Topaz

Backstory: will be linked coming soon

Occupation: Court Magician (but like simply a well rounded witch who goes wherever the money is)

Hobbies: Exploring, foraging, reading

Familiar: A white ferret named Elle

Love Interest: Muriel

Description: Mathilde is a gentle and thoughtful magician. She is soft-spoken and hates raising her voice, and is often making bizarre and thought provoking side comments in most situations. She is curious and intuitive when it comes to magic and often able to use several methods to predict the future for others. She carries herself in a dreamlike/contemplative manner and does not really care what others think - She’s off in her own world. With friends, she has a good source of humor and gives good advice and is a very good listener. She has an affinity for animals and nature, and would generally prefer to be outside. She can tend to be unrealistic and naive and loses hold on her emotions in tough situations (angry crier…) and feels misunderstood by those around her.

As a love interest: Downright adorable. Sweet, will bring you cool items she found and very endearing. She’s also encouraging and surprisingly cheesy. Not outwardly clingy but if you let her she will. but good fucking luck starting to date her! She is extremely pretty and gets asked out almost every day, turning down 99.999999% of applicants because other people do not particularly interest her and her taste is insanely picky! 10/10 but FAT CHANCE

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Belgium brings their ex-vocalist back to Rotterdam 2021

Here we chop chop boys like we chop chop wood

This review space would’ve been reserved for Belarus. Unfortunately, their broadcaster was not ready to make nice, and ultimately refused to serve EBU with anything but not-even-so-thinly-veiled propaganda, so much so that EBU, after all they’ve given the time for them for to snap out of it, finally had to be like “bye bitch” (- Lizzo) with enough push from the fandom, and informed everyone that Belarus will miss this year’s contest <3

Which means that I don’t have to deal with 41, but with 39 writeups to do overall, if my timing permits! The Roop could’ve always used a little less competition, anyway /j

Speaking of The Roop’s competition, time to aim at another one of their semifinal folk with a review. Come forth, Belgium!

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Hooverphonic, eventhough they’re not as big of a name as Flo Rida, is the biggest act to compete in this year’s Eurovision, and even had lasted longer as a thing than Flo Rida. He barely even got his proper famous kickstart around in the 2000s. Hoover have been around at least for 5 years more than him, if “Years active” section on Wikipedia is anything to go by. And back then they were just known as Hoover, correct. Their lineup of singers has changed for quite some time, but otherwise the band since its inception is rooted in basically two men: Alex Callier and Raymond Geerts. They used to have a keyboardist too but was he a part of their glory years in 2000? No? Thought so, he’s irrelevant then. In fact, their first vocalist wasn’t even present on their first album, so they went to have another one, who did just one album with them before 2000 and left. Now I’m only constantly and consistently bringing up 2000 because that’s when they had their break out moment in relevancy - after they changed their singer once more before they found someone called Geike Arnaert - the woman you’re seeing on the MV’s thumbnail right now, and not someone certain for whom there was a public outcry for she is the only Hooverphonic component that’s not coming back from 2020 to 2021. But more on that later. I’m here to present you the break-out hit, for those who just don’t know:

I used to like to think of Hoovers as trip-hop sensations, well not in the style of Massive Attack because they have their trip-hop sound with actual hip hop thrown in, Hooverphonic’s style is that but with a tinge of symphonic.

Well, “Mad About You” wasn’t really the only hit they had, before that they got a bunch of minor and domestic hits, and their music was used for soundtracks. So it’s a little bit cheating still to think of “Mad About You” as their breakout hit, but that’s still the biggest song of the band. If I were to recommend you stuff from them that aren’t necessarily the biggest hits but still, “The Night Before” with yet another one of their vocalists is pretty good.

So when I tell you that Hooverphonic is a band of a very long career. Well some bands do survive a lot without having their lineup change for 10+ years, but Hooverphonic vocalistes come and go sometimes, and for 2020 forray, when they were first announced, they came in to that talk show studio where they were guests in with a promising little starlet Alex Callier found at The Voice Belgium (for the Flanders region) and was her mentor there, Luka Cruysberghs, as their current vocalist.

Is it just me or her and Stefania Liberakakis look like they could be cousins?

All went smooth and dandy, until Alex started spouting stuff about Eurovision the fans found not amusing, such as calling Eurovision a circus or something, later begging and pleading to medias that his statement was “lost in translation” - now I would say it happens to the best of us, like for Tornike, but deep inside I think I know Alex meant what he meant, inside or outside context. Because everything just went even more sour when everyone found out Hooverphonic were missing from the common song “Love Shine a Light” for the 2020 consolation programme in place of Eurovision, and when they were forced to explain, Alex just straight up said he didn’t like the song, so he decided to not do it. Fuck, I myself don’t adore the 1997 winning song, but I like it, and would’ve still done a piece of that song out of respect. Take it or leave it, god damn. Also they were noted to be the only people plugging in their other material in the time when Eurovision 2020 artists on the consolation programme were either saying inspirational stuff or “hope to see you soon!” or a combo of both, once again, courtesy of mostly Alex. Now I’m not saying his ego is bigger than Kirkorov’s... of fucking course not, no one has an ego bigger than Kirkorov’s. The only thing that can beat him in that regard is if someone booked Kanye West for Eurovision last minute.

Following 2021, they were very excited to jump on the “leave 2020 songs behind” train, while a few artists like VICTORIA and The Roop rallied for to keep their entries in tact if they were allowed to. And with that, in late 2020, they went ahead and celebrated the 20 years of “Mad About You” by getting rid of Luka as a vocalist and bringing back the aforementioned Geike to reprise her part. Seems pretty reasonable, but for the Eurofandom it was simply seen as a dick move, and mostly for the reason that all 2020 artists deserve a 2021 chance, even if they’re band members. What felt more dickish is that Luka was straight up told “byeeee u’re no longer our bandmate xo” on a Zoom call between band members. Like, it’s fine to be told you’re fired in person, even if still humiliating, because what’s the other better way? What’s equally worse is to be told this via email, but the email you were sent was sent like a few months ago and you only read it NOW. At least I guess that proves we know what the “sad and losing game” was that Luka asked to be released from now, heh.

Not to worry Luka-stans, as Alex will still have her, just as not the part of the band anymore. But instead give her a solo career. Yeah well we’ll see how long that lasts.

With the 2000 glory heydays lineup of Hooverphonic we have their entry be “The Wrong Place”, as the completely quite different song they promised (or didn’t) when saying that they will certainly and absolutely get rid of their old one for the 2021 if they had a choice. What they didn’t get rid of is the theme of the worse part of relationships - “Release Me” is about probably wanting to be let go of and released rather than kept by the side when it’s probably not working out. “The Wrong Place” is one of those episodes that probably happened during then - they had a house conflict, she chose to have a smoke to forget about it, the man’s after her Johnny Cash T-Shirt. Not much else to say about the song’s technicality fortunately than I’ve already said so much about the band, so how does it fare in the Hoover-lore, for me?

REVIEW

See, I would like to root for Luka ever having her chance to get to experience Eurovision if she wishes, but maybe it’s lowkey for her own benefit she wasn’t the chosen vocalist for the song, as Geike could do “Release Me”, but Luka wouldn’t be able to do “The Wrong Place”.

“The Wrong Place” is well-suited to the first vocaliste’s melancholic blend-in timbre, and a singer like Luka would sound a little too light on this with her soft-spoken sound of her voice. Besides, I don’t think she could be old enough to relate to the lyrical subject’s domestic struggle issue. Not to say 20 year olds don’t smoke and drink, it’s just that “The Wrong Place” feels a little bit too much mature enough.

Although I think that both of them could absolutely rock the music video visuals.

The song itself is very Hooverphonic. They used to do this kind of standout triphoppy sound back in the days, but as of lately they kind of grew out of the label to do more of the music that kinda sounds like movie soundtrack music. Idek the exact label I could give it to their music so move soundtrack music it is I guess. It has a decently paced structure (could’ve done without the overly repetitive ending where they repeat “you’re in the wrong place” over and over, like ffs I know where I am!!), and interesting lyrical choices. Such as “organic cup of... tea”, as in, WOW! HOOVERPHONIC HAS ENOUGH WITH THE TEABAGS FULL OF GROUND AND GRINDED TEA! THEY WILL ONLY MAKE TEA FROM PURE HERBS AND FLOWERS, AS IT WAS USED TO BE DONE! and acting like her Johnny Cash T-Shirt is the kind of prized possession her man is not allowed to wear to rub it in her face. Imagine if it was something more mundane. “Don’t you ever dare to wear my... pink polka-dot T-shirt”? Damn right it doesn’t seem to suit the mood lol.

It’s not what I exactly wanted from Hooverphonic, but probably what I subconsciously needed from them anyway, ever since they were announced for 2020. I only got into “Release Me” sometime AFTER the contest, “The Wrong Place” is a bit more instant to stand behind. So well done to them to commit to their craft.

Approval factor: I guess I do have to stamp this with my stamp of approval. It’s nice and all. Follow-up factor: “The Wrong Place” follows up as a more of a Hooverphonic discography track after the fairly average and overlookable “Release Me” (eventhough the latter has the tinge of theirs as well because it’s a more symphonic ballad, and they do have symphonic stuff on their discog afterall). As a Eurovision entry, it comes across as even better somewhat, and even slightly more standout, but that might not necessarily work in their favour. Qualification factor: And that’s because they’re absolutely stranded in the semi with too many qualification choices to name. Belgium gets to be a bit quasi-obvious, but they’ve failed with a Hooverphonic-penned song before, plus, the pop girlies of this semi are more likely to eat out a band like this alive, but I wouldn’t exactly say Belgium is doomed to fail either, because I am positive Hooverphonic will think of something. I’m just saying that shocking things can happen every now and then.

INTERNAL CORNER

Well, considering Alex Callier is not running his mouth this time as much as he did so last year’s season, I think it’s safe to say that Hooverphonic have had nothing to write home about.

No, wait...

Well I did mention that Luka got replaced as one of the events that happened to Hooverphonic’s lifetime, but thank God that Alex promised her a solo career, right? Right?

Well, apparently, we’re getting towards it.

And the first lyrics of her first solo forray post-Hooverphonic-vocalist-duties features the lyrics about possibly her making someone “regret it”. Lol now watch this song to be a karma kick into Hooverphonic’s ass if Belgium happens to not qualify this year. Luka forewarned y’all with sharp precision.

Annnnnd that’s pretty much it, besides the band jumping on the trend of turning their entries into a Festivali i Këngës 59 acoustic night European version by presenting their own acoustic version of this track. I did not have the kind of courage to link to the Azerbaijan’s “slow version” on their review in fear of overruning my post even longer than they would usually be for these reviews, but at least it moves people to a certain degree

Well, my question of the days is, does “The Wrong Place” in acoustic make you sad twerk?

ANY LAST WORDS?

Belgium’s big weakness is when it comes to stage their entries, notably for the last two years where the Eurovision actually happened. Sennek was awkwardly put in the middle and succumbed to the curse of Lucie Jones of grimmacing too much and therefore ruining her score in the process, possibly. Eliot was just simply upstaged by the decision to include big drums on stage. Alex Callier acknowledges all that sort of thing, so if anything goes absolutely right and Hooverphonic manage to make it to Rotterdam (which I think they can do because Belgium and Netherlands are neighbours lol? unless their lockdown rules get super strict in May), he should get on to mending all the flaws that Belgium had in the past for staging, and have a spectacular vision. Because it’d be sadly hilariously ironic if Hoovers miss out on the final due to the staging again. Can’t just constantly blame the vocalist - Geike would be flawless live, if Hooverphonic trusted in her for so many years. Can’t blame the song - it’s not too bad. So staging, I guess.

Good luck Hooverphonic, you’ll certainly need it. Also can RTBF consider that they could send anything else from the Wallonian music scene other than The Voice Belgique acts~

[irkimatsu]

Okay, after way too much delay - it's my Eurovision 2021 Final Ranking! This took me a while for a lot of factors - took extra hours at work to make sure I could get time off this week, some recent family events... and most relevantly, the fact that this year is so damn good that no matter what, I knew someone was going to get ripped off by ending up somewhere in the bottom half. Just know that being toward the bottom of the list doesn't necessarily mean I dislike it, especially this year - it just means I like other things more. This year is going to be an absolute bloodbath. I am both excited and terrified.

Try not to take my ranking too seriously, by the way - I'm an American who unironically listens to stuff like Scooch and Dolly Style. I'm not exactly a seasoned music critic. I just know what sort of music makes the happiness center of my brain light up, what the hell is music theory

Ranking made with the sorter at http://esc.gerbear.com/sorter2021.htm, then slightly adjusted when it put some songs concerningly low on the list. Okay, so I cheated a little

Firstly, in the interest in completion - if Belarus didn't get disqualified, they'd be in the big fat 40 rank, with a big bold "Hate" right above. Fuck that song. I've only listened to it once and am so glad I have no obligation to acknowledge it any further. Those fucking lyrics. Mother of Christ. Fuck you guys.

I also offer my condolences to Armenia for their having to bow out this year. I'm sure whatever you guys sent, it couldn't have possibly been worse than "Chains On You".

Now, for the songs that actually matter:

Indifferent:

39 – Spain - “Voy a quedarme” by Blas Cantó: Welp, already I’m gonna get shot. I can’t remember how this song sounds at all. I know it’s tender and genuine and sweet and everything… I just… kinda don’t care. Nothing to say. I liked his entry last year even more, and even that was pretty damn dull. Just not destined to be a Blas Cantó fan, I guess!

38 - North Macedonia – “Here I Stand” by Vasil: I’m with most other rankings I’ve seen; what the hell is this? I at least kinda remember it, which is more than I can say for poor Spain, but oh my god it’s so boring. I really liked “You” last year! What the hell happened, Vasil?

37 – Albania - “Karma” by Anxhela Peristeri: Another “oops” from me, huh. It’s another one I immediately forget about the instant it ends. I at least don’t remember it boring the crap out of me, hence it placing higher than Spain and Macedonia, but I still can’t say anything nice about it – or anything at all, really – so I’ll leave it this low. I acknowledge that I’m in the minority, I won’t protest if it qualifies, but personally, it’s not my pick.

36 – Georgia – “You” by Tornike Kipiani: Give him points for passion, I suppose! At least I’m not laughing at him like I was last year. On the other hand, less ridiculous also means more boring. Points for earnestness, but this is just another song that goes right over my head.

35 – Portugal – “Love Is On My Side” by The Black Mamba: An English song from Portugal? That’s new. Too bad it hasn’t rescued the song from the darkest depths of Boring. I will confess that I spice it up a little by associating it with Homura from Osomatsu-san, thus rescuing it from the deepest pits of my ranking list… but it’s still stuck down here. Portugal and I have never gotten along well Eurovision-wise. I’ve come to accept that.

34 – Slovenia – “Amen” by Ana Soklič: I’m gonna call this a song that I respect more than I like. She’s got a great voice, I can’t deny that… but when I’m ranking this purely based on what I’d go out of my way to listen to, this one falls flat. I warned you at the beginning that I have no taste! I’m not normally into straightforward ballads, the religious connotations are lost on me… this isn’t the song for me.

33 – Austria – “Amen” by Vincent Bueno: Back to back “Amen”s! Tip for getting me to like your Eurovision entry, apparently, is “don’t call your song Amen”. It’s a ballad, earnest and trying but overall not my type of music. I’m running out of ways to say that. Breakup song, a tad bitter, we’ve all heard this sort of song so many times before. It doesn’t stand out, and I think it’d be a waste of a spot in the final.

At least, I thought this was a breakup song when I first wrote this, but apparently it’s about the death of a loved one…? I would say that makes me hate the bitterness, but… given how I’m handling a death in my own family right now… god, I don’t know. I just can’t handle this song, not at any time but especially not now. It doesn’t even provide catharsis like a song later on in the list. It stays this low regardless of its meaning, I just don’t like it, I’m sorry, moving on.

…” 'Cause it all feels like you didn't even try to save us, all this time wasted on a lie”… ugh, my personal problems…

32 – Switzerland – “Tout l'Univers” by Gjon’s Tears: Another one I respect more than I like, and another opinion I’m gonna get my ass beaten for, I’m sure. I respect the artistry, but this is so far removed from anything I’d ever listen to on purpose. It might have landed even lower if I wasn’t afraid of pissing people off. I’ll understand if it wins, but I’ll also be hoping for most anything else.

31 – Russia – “Russian Woman” by Manizha: I don’t get it. Sometimes it’s pleasant enough to listen to, but overall I don’t get it. It’s unique, I’ll give it that! I understand why it won its national final, and why so many people enjoy it! But for me, it doesn’t quite cross that line between “interesting” and “enjoyable”. I'm not Russian - this isn't for me, and it wasn't supposed to be. Though I will confess that there may be some bias at play here. God, I miss Little Big…

Okay:

30 – Estonia – “The Lucky One” by Uku Suviste: The voice is okay, the music is okay, I like how the bitterness is handled here more than in Austria’s… but this is still as high as I can go on this one. It’s serviceable, but this year has so much better to offer.

29 – Sweden – “Voices” by Tusse: Sweden really does like sending the same song over and over again, huh? I don’t hate it, but it does strike me as a lesser “Too Late For Love”, sound wise. Sweden almost never takes risks, and it’s causing me to look over them more and more with every year. I respect it too much to put it in the “Indifferent” category, but given how the rest of my ranking played out, this the best I can do for it. (But again, do not trust the opinions of someone who teethed on cheesy Europop and fondly remembers when Sweden was flooded with the stuff…)

28 – Belgium – “The Wrong Place” by Hooverphonic: Once again, Hooverphonic help Belgium fill the role of Eurovision’s “Most Likely To Appear In A Bond Movie” song. It’s fine. It’s a song! I don’t know what else to say about it! It does its job well enough, it’s just not really a job I care for that much.

27 – Ireland – “Maps” by Lesley Roy: It’s cute enough! A cute little radio tune. It’s no “Story Of My Life”, though. If “22” couldn’t qualify then this probably won’t, either, and I can’t say I’ll miss it all that much. Still pleasant enough when it comes up on the shuffle.

26 – Bulgaria – “Growing Up Is Getting Old” by Victoria: I admit it, this ranks as high as it does because of anime and that’s basically it. If I was still doing plain category sortings this would have landed straight in “Biased”. My favorite anime is about a bunch of 20-somethings learning that growing up sucks and trying as hard as possible to avoid it, and I first heard this song around the same time that I watched that show’s relatively melancholy season finale, so it ended up sticking with me on that note. Don’t have much to say about it musically, just that it makes me picture sextuplets crying and that’s one of my hobbies, so I’ll grant it an “Okay”. (It may also worth noting that if I heard this song before 2019, in the state my life was in before then it would have probably left me too inconsolable to listen to it more than once. Growing up is growing old indeed!

…it’s also worth noting that after I wrote this blurb, a major event happened that really enforced that growing up is getting old, so I listened to this quite a bit for a few days, among some other non-Eurovision songs. I’m probably gonna have an emotional breakdown on Thursday when this one starts. So, um, look out for that, guess. Between this one and Austria’s, I swear to god…)

25 – Italy – “Zitti e buoni” by Måneskin: I’ve been trying to get this one to rank higher, I really have, but its inability to crack the top 20 just says a lot about how damn good this year is. It sounds great, it’s very well done, and I wouldn’t hate to see it win! It’s earned its popularity. Everything holding it back in my own personal ranking is just that, personal – I do lose something when I can’t sing along or understand the lyrics, and there’s another rock song this year that I like way better. Still wishing you guys the best!

24 – Netherlands – “Birth Of A New Age” by Jeangu Macrooy: This song has a great style that I respect a lot. The message, the vibe – even if it’s not a culture I’m a part of, I feel and appreciate the hell out of it, and I really hope it does well. I don’t understand why so many people seem to think it’s not interesting! It may not be the sort of thing I’d go out of my way to listen to, but I’m glad it’s here. Catch me singing out “Yu no man broko mi” on Saturday! It’s been a while since I’ve given a shit about a host country’s entry, so I’m really glad for this one.

23 – Romania - “Amnesia” by Roxen: I’ll admit something else unpopular – I hated “Alcohol You” last year. Didn’t see what the big deal was at all. It sounded okay, I guess, but the lyrics were so pretentious and awful, and I’ve never liked the topic of “I love you even though you have no redeeming qualities whatsoever and you make me feel like shit”. But it seems like in that year, Roxen has discovered that self-love is important, actually, and it’s not worth it spending your time on some shitbag who consistently disappoints you. I appreciate it for that alone. Character growth! Plus, I feel the whole thing of “forgetting how to love yourself because everyone around you sucks”. It’s not the perfect song, not by a long shot, but it has a nice melody, and Roxen has a nice voice. It’s good to hear her using that voice on something I don’t find obnoxious.

22 – Norway – “Fallen Angel” by TIX: Okay, I’ll admit it, this is one where I watched the live video the first time I heard the song, and I was too busy laughing at his outfit to take the song seriously. Jesus Christ, dude, what the hell. Well, that’s Eurovision for you, and the more I listened to it, the more I admitted to myself that I’m a sucker for “I love you but letting you go for your own good, not sure what I ever offered you in the first place” type songs. Knowing the song is inspired by his own disability and self-loathing really twists that knife, to the point where I feel bad that I almost threw this at an anime character. I know I’m usually cold on songs that try to evoke emotions about the singer’s personal problems – Germany 2018, and this year’s Austrian entry – but this one really works for me. Only reason it’s in “Okay” tier is because of its competition – it’d rank way higher in a weaker year.

21 – France – “Voila” by Barbara Pravi: I like a good waltz, I guess! It’s a unique number, and the French language sounds nice, especially with the music. It’s yet another example of how this year is filled with so many interesting entries that I appreciate the hell out of. God bless this diverse year! (Or maybe everything just sounds so good to me because last year’s cancellation left me in withdrawal.) I expect a really nice performance for this one – this song isn’t one you can perform while just standing there, especially not during that speedup toward the end.

20 – Australia – “Technicolour” by Montaigne: That song that sounds like it’s about stripping if you don’t know that she’s saying cloaks. (Guilty as charged.) It’s catchy and fun, and I really love it when it first starts… but unfortunately, it does wear out its welcome toward the end of things. It’s a good party song, just a little repetitive. I still like it just fine, and wouldn’t mind seeing her in the final this year! Hope the performance is colorful and sparkly, it’d suit the song well

Like:

19 – Germany – “I Don’t Feel Hate” by Jendrik: I know stereotyping is bad but I was not remotely surprised to find out that Jendrik is gay. This song is pure gay sass, and god, I love every minute of it. I fully expect it to fall on its ass – this wouldn’t make it to the final if it wasn’t an automatic qualifier – but I’ll have a grand old time watching it! The sarcastic lyrics, the cheerful little ukulele, the middle finger costume… this song is a delight. Only thing that I think really brings it down is that weird spoken bit that interrupts the song. That’s so annoying, brings me right out of it. And I did purposely rank it below songs that aren’t complete shitposts. But thank you for your existence, Jendrik, your contribution to Eurovision is much appreciated.

18 – Israel – “Set Me Free” by Eden Alene: I said it this year and I’ll say it again this year, Eden Alene is a goddess of a woman. Absolutely gorgeous. Appreciation for pretty women aside, it’s a fun party song in a sea of fun party songs! I really do like it, I like her voice, but there’s so much else this year that drowns it out – not much stands out here compared to later entries on the list. Still a good song, though.

…and I do not expect for an instant that this is going to make it to the final. …my personal ranking is based on how the song sounds, okay? Just the song. Just the song. Nothing else. Just the song. Anyway…

17 – United Kingdom – “Embers” by James Newman: What’s this? A UK entry I don’t find bland as off-white paint? That doesn’t happen often! I didn’t like his entry last year, romantic ballad bla bla bla whee, but I’m always down for a good party song. It’s a little generic and radio friendly, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun as hell to sing along with!

16 – Greece – “Last Dance” by Stefania: I really liked last year’s “Supergirl”, but figured it didn’t have too much of a chance because it struck me as being a little too teen poppy to be taken entirely seriously. It seems like Greece thought so, too, because they’ve ramped it up with this year’s entry. They’re not playing around anymore, sending a grand, powerful song that, like “Embers”, is fun as hell to belt. This is another one I’m really looking forward to the live performance for – the music video is gorgeous, and I hope they capture that same majesty on stage!

15 – Moldova – “Sugar” by Natalia Gordienko: Oh, Moldova, I’m so glad you guys decided to be completely batshit again this year. I’ve missed your nonsense so much. Dancing ice cream cones. Cake men. This video is glorious. And the song goes well with the insanity! A catchy dance tune that can only be improved with downright insane staging. Please let the dancing ice cream cones be on stage, I’m begging you

14 – Latvia – “The Moon Is Rising” by Samanta Tina: A unique electronica number backed with a powerful as hell voice. I can see where all the wubbing would get on people’s nerves, but personally, I love it! I love the voice, I love the attitude, Samanta just oozes confidence, and if she doesn’t make it to the final it’s not gonna be because she didn’t give it her goddamn all.

13 – Poland – “The Ride” by RAFAL: Why is this one so unpopular? You people don’t know how to have fun. Yeah, yeah, last year’s “Empires” was a powerful song… but I like my club nonsense much more, so I’m favoring this one. Yet another song that gets me pumped – this whole Contest is gonna leave me with a smile on my face, there’s so much good party music

12 – Azerbaijan – “Mata Hari” by Efendi: Yeah, they’re basically just sending “Cleopatra” again, but “Cleopatra” was so goddamn good that I can’t even blame them for it. This song needed a chance to compete, and I’m glad it’s getting it again this year. I like it so much that I can even forgive the line about being a “godless”. Oh, Europop, don’t you ever change.

11 – Cyprus – “El Diablo” by Elena Tsagrinou: Huh, I didn’t know Cyprus had perfected their Lady Gaga cloning technology. Neat. More seriously, the early 2010’s club vibe of this song is exactly my jam, enough that I can forgive the “I’m in love with a horrible person” theme. (I think I forgive that theme a lot more from catchy party songs than heartfelt ballads I’m actually supposed to feel for.) Hell, I even like the creepy chanting! Sure, it’s a little cheesy, but cheese is always a good ingredient when used in moderation.

(How many songs are we going to get this year, not just in Eurovision, about wanting to fuck devils? I mean, not that I don’t get it… mmm, Akuma Ichimatsu… um. Anyway.)

10 – Czech Republic – “Omaga” by Benny Cristo: And here we enter the top ten of a strong year, where I’d love to see any of them win! Benny, what is with that title. Why. Ah well, like I said earlier, I do like moderate amounts of cheese, and this song is more than fun enough to have earned itself a ridiculous lyric or two. It’s unique, I’ll give it that! The song is just so bouncy and fun that I manage to ignore how pushy the singer is. Another one I expect big things from the staging for.

9 – Lithuania – “Discoteque” by The Roop: Ignoring the current events that surely inspired the song, I do love the more generic “party song for introverts” read on it – if only you knew how many one-person dance parties I’d had in my own house. This song speaks to me deeply. I can’t even begin to call it a joke song; I think it’s doing exactly what it set out to do, and it’s doing it oh so well. God, those synths. Totally okay with dancing alone!

8 – Iceland – “10 Years” by Daði og Gagnamagnið: I want Daði Freyr to adopt me. I don’t even care that he’s younger than me. He’s just such an earnest, fun guy, and I love his 8-bit aesthetic! And come on, he submitted a song about how much he loves his wife! If I ever stop loving this song it’s because my heart shriveled and died. Love isn’t dead, it’s just in chiptune now. I will throw things if this doesn’t make it into the final, do you all have no souls, this is too damn cute

7 – Serbia – “Loco Loco” by Hurricane: Another group I am so excited to see return, because I adored “Hasta La Vista”. I don’t know if I like this one quite as much, but it’s still catchy as hell! I love trying to sing along with it despite not knowing a word of Serbian.

6 – Croatia – “Tick-Tock” by Albina: Another catchy-ass club song! What more can I say? I love how much of this stuff we got this year. I will absolutely be screaming “Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go!” Oh god that was cheesy… I’ve been working on this ranking for too long. Don’t know what else to say about this one, just that I adore it. Just barely missed the top 5.

Love:

5 – Malta – “Je Me Casse” by Destiny: This girl’s got pipes– not surprised to hear she won the Junior contest before! I get major “Toy” vibes from this song, and you all know just how much I adored that one. Aaa, those horns! Expecting big things from you, Destiny! We may have our winner!

4 – San Marino – “Adrenalina” by Senhit – As much of a soft spot I had for last year’s “Freaky”, I don’t think it was gonna make it into the final, unless Senhit had the blessing of the same angels who were looking out for Serhat in 2019. This one, though? San Marino tasted the final two years ago and they are never giving it up again! This song goes hard! Love the song, love the video’s aesthetic, I even kinda like Flo Rida’s rap, even though I’m still baffled by the idea that I have been regularly listening to a song featuring Flo Rida on purpose. I don’t know what he’s doing here but I’m glad he is. Please, please make it to the final, San Marino! You clearly want the hell out of it this year! Favorite club song in a year of amazing club songs.

3 – Finland – “Dark Side” by Blind Channel: After spending about five seconds disappointed that Finland wouldn’t be sending Pandora this year, I gave this song a shot, and was not expecting what it gave me. I feel like an angsty middle schooler again, and it is bliss. This is everything Hatari wanted to be, but unlike Hatari who just confused me, I absolutely love the hell out of this song. …some of those lyrics, though. “27 Club, headshot, we don’t wanna grow up”? Yikes. But as dark and questionable as it might be, I can’t help but get pumped when I hear it. Definitely my favorite rock song of the year – sorry, Italy!

2 – Denmark – “Øve os på hinanden” by Fyr & Flamme: I love you, 1983. I don’t care how dated it is when my entire soul consists of a disco ball. The song’s so damn cute! This is the one member of my top 5 that I’m most terrified of losing – I know it’s not popular, with everyone calling it dated, but my top 5 always has that dated song that I love the hell out of becauseit sounds so classic. The translated lyrics are adorable, too. Even if you guys flame out in the semi, you’ll live on in the disco in my heart.

Favorite:

1 – Ukraine – “Shum” by Go_A: Holy fucking shit. There’s something about the blending of traditional and electronic that gets me hyped – see KEiiNO – and this one does not disappoint. The last minute of this is the best minute of Eurovision this year, and god, the buildup! I don’t even know Ukrainian but I am trying my damnedest to get the lyrics down, phonetically, at least. You know that “dancing goths” meme video? That’s me whenever this song comes on, especially during that speed up. Love the hell out of it. Could Ukraine be on its way to another victory already? I sure hope so, because this song fucking rules. Definitely checking out the rest of the discography someday, if all of their songs are in this folktronica style then they’ve gotta be a treat to listen to. Go Ukraine!

Ideal Qualifiers (favorite of each semi in bold):

Semi 1

Australia

Azerbaijan

Croatia

Cyprus

Israel

Lithuania

Malta

Norway

Romania

Ukraine Semi 2:

Czech Republic

Denmark

Finland

Greece

Iceland

Latvia

Moldova

Poland

San Marino

Serbia

This is definitely not what's going to happen - there is no universe where Switzerland and Sweden don't make it - but it'll be interesting to compare the reality to my hopes.

Let's go, Eurovision 2021

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

The Minnesota Starvation Study

In the 1940s, when starvation was widespread throughout war-torn Europe, little was known about the effects of human starvation or how to best refeed people who’d suffered from such deprivations. Dr. Keys led the first scientific study of calorie restrictions, at the Laboratory of Physiological Hygiene at the University of Minnesota, for the War Department. The researchers wanted to understand the medical needs facing millions of starving war victims and how best to renourish and rehabilitate them to health after the war. Their study was known as the Minnesota Starvation Study and the results were published in the legendary two-volume, Biology of Human Starvation (Minneapolis: University of Minneapolis, 1950). The study itself was so comprehensive and intense, however, that even Dr. Keys admitted no other human experiment quite like it will ever be done again because, given what we now know, it would be seen as too cruel and life-threatening. While the degree of suffering the participants underwent would violate what is seen as the ethical rights for human research subjects today, in one respect this study was different from obesity and weight loss research done today. These men were not volunteering because they felt they needed to lose weight for fear that their own lives were endangered, nor were the study authors motivated by personal gain or selling a weight loss program. Even the recruitment poster for the Minnesota Experiment, dated May 27, 1944, asked for men willing to starve so others may be better fed. The volunteers were all conscientious objectors to the war who said they wanted to do something of real meaning for their country, make a contribution to science and help to improve the medical care for the millions of starving people in Europe. They gave their consent freely, without a feeling of personal duress and with full knowledge of the risks. The recruitment information they were given stressed how difficult the experiment would be. One participant later said: “They explained what was going to happen. There was nothing held back. They explained that they could not assure me that there would be no permanent damage… They did not know what would happen. This is what they were trying to find out… really they emphasized the discomfort… this was not going to be an easy task down the road.” Sixty years later, Johns Hopkins interviewed the surviving study participants for their first-hand experiences and they all said they would do it again:

[T]he men continued to look back on participation in the Minnesota Experiment as one of the most important and memorable activities in their lives. Wesley Miller reported, “It’s colored my whole life experience… [and was] one of the most important things I ever did… I’m proud of the work the Civilian Public Service did during the war.“ Samuel Legg seemed to speak for all of the men when he commented, “I think probably most of us are feeling we did something good and are glad we did it, and that helps us live a better life.”

The experiment — the starvation syndrome

The 40 young male participants were carefully selected among hundreds of volunteers for being especially psychologically and socially well-adjusted, good-humored, motivated, well-educated, active and healthy. They were put on calorie-restrictive diets of about 1,600 calorie/day, meant to reflect that experienced in war-torn regions, for 3 months. They dieted to lose 2.5 pounds a week to lose 25% of their natural body weight. The calories were more generous than many weight loss diets prescribe today! What this study was actually studying, of course, was dieting and restrictive eating — our bodies can’t tell the difference if they’re being semi-starved involuntarily like war victims or voluntarily. During the 3-month nutritional rehabilitation period after the diet, the men were randomly assigned to various nutritional regimens, with differing levels of calories, proteins and vitamins. The men lived at the lab and everything they ate and did was closely monitored, as was their health with a battery of tests. Daily exercise was walking about 3 miles a day. As difficult as the diets were for the subjects, they knew their hunger was less than that of the war victims they were trying to help. All but four completed the study. One of the participants said: “The difference between us and the people we were trying to serve: they probably had less food than we did. We were starving under the best possible medical conditions. And most of all, we knew the exact day on which our torture was going to end. None of that was true of people in Belgium, the Netherlands, or whatever.” Dr. Keys and colleagues painstakingly chronicled how the men did during the 6 months of dietary interventions and for up to a year afterwards. This study scientifically defined for the first time “the starvation syndrome.” As the men lost weight, their physical endurance dropped by half, their strength about 10%, and their reflexes became sluggish — with the men initially the most fit showing the greatest deterioration, according to Dr. Keys. The men’s resting metabolic rates declined by 40%, their heart volume shrank about 20%, their pulses slowed and their body temperatures dropped. They complained of feeling cold, tired and hungry; having trouble concentrating; of impaired judgment and comprehension; dizzy spells; visual disturbances; ringing in their ears; tingling and numbing of their extremities; stomach aches, body aches and headaches; trouble sleeping; hair thinning; and their skin growing dry and thin. Their sexual function and testes size were reduced and they lost all interest in sex. They had every physical indication of accelerated aging. As the physical effects became more dramatic, one study participant said Mrs. Keys confided that Dr. Keys “went through terrible times during the experiment as we lost weight and became gaunt and so on. And he would come home and say, ‘What am I doing to these young men? I had no idea it was going to be this hard.’” But the psychological changes that were brought on by dieting, even among these robust men with only moderate calorie restrictions, were the most profound and unexpected. So much so that Dr. Keys called it “semistarvation neurosis.” The men became nervous, anxious, apathetic, withdrawn, impatient, self-critical with distorted body images and even feeling overweight, moody, emotional and depressed. A few even mutilated themselves, one chopping off three fingers in stress. They lost their ambition and feelings of adequacy, and their cultural and academic interests narrowed. They neglected their appearance, became loners and their social and family relationships suffered. They lost their senses of humor, love and compassion. Instead, they became obsessed with food, thinking, talking and reading about it constantly; developed weird eating rituals; began hoarding things; consumed vast amounts of coffee and tea; and chewed gum incessantly (as many as 40 packages a day). Binge eating episodes also became a problem as some of the men were unable to continue to restrict their eating in their hunger. The act of restricting food and the constant hunger “made food the most important thing in one’s life,” said one of the participants. “Food became the one central and only thing really in one’s life. And life is pretty dull if that’s the only thing. I mean, if you went to a movie, you weren’t particularly interested in the love scenes, but you noticed every time they ate and what they ate.” These experiences are familiar to those who’ve spent their lives dieting. In fact, many of the symptoms once thought to be primary features of anorexia nervosa are actually normal biological responses of undernutrition and restrictive eating, said David M. Garner, PhD., director of River Centre Clinic in Sylvania, Ohio, in Psychoeducational principles in the treatment of eating disorders (NY: Guilford Press, 1997). It was actually Dr. Keys’ research that first evidenced the role of dieting in increasing risks for eating disorders. The extreme physical and mental effects Dr. Keys observed led to his famous quote: “Starved people cannot be taught democracy. To talk about the will of the people when you aren’t feeding them is perfect hogwash.” This was also what led early feminist activists to see dieting and weight concerns as a way to keep women preoccupied with food, filled with guilt and self-hatred, more easily influenced by others, and too mentally and physically exhausted to succeed professionally and politically.

The aftermath

The last part of the Minnesota Starvation Study revealed perhaps the most important effects. When the men were allowed to eat ad libitum again, they had insatiable appetites, yet never felt full. Even five months later, some continued to have dysfunctional eating, although most were finally regaining some normalization of their eating. As they regained their weights, their suppressed metabolism and energy levels returned, although even three months after ending the diet none of the men had yet regained their former physical capacity, noted Dr. Keys. While it seemed the men were ���overeating,” Dr. Keys discovered that their bodies actually needed inordinate amount of calories for their tissues to be rebuilt:

Our experiments have shown that in an adult man no appreciable rehabilitation can take place on a diet of 2,000 calories a day. The proper level is more like 4,000 kcal daily for some months. The character of the rehabilitation diet is important also, but unless calories are abundant, then extra proteins, vitamins and minerals are of little value.

In other words, they weren’t really “overeating,” it was a biological, normal effect of hunger and weight loss. The men regained their original weights plus 10%. The regained weight was disproportionally fat, and their lean body mass recovered much more slowly. With unlimited food and unrestricted eating, their weights plateaued and finally, about 9 months later, most had naturally returned to their initial weights without trying — giving scientists one of the first demonstrations that each body has a natural, genetic set point, whether it be fat or thin. Despite the fear that with unrestrained eating everyone would continue to grow larger, it isn’t true. As Dr. Garner explained:

One of the most notable implications of the Minnesota experiment is that it challenges the popular notion that body weight is easily altered if one simply exercises a bit of “willpower.“ It also demonstrates that the body is not simply “reprogrammed” at a lower set point once weight loss has been achieved. The volunteers’ experimental diet was unsuccessful in overriding their bodies’ strong propensity to defend a particular weight level. Again, it is important to emphasize that following the months of refeeding, the Minnesota volunteers did not skyrocket into obesity.

[…] Scientists at Rockefeller University replicated the findings of the Minnesota Starvation study and went on to learn that the body has an incredibly complex and sophisticated system to regulate its fat stores. And when those fat levels deviate from the body’s genetic setpoint, compensatory mechanisms kick in to return the body to is normal state without us having a lot of say about the matter. Decades of sound studies have continued to show that healthy obese people eat and behave no differently than anyone else to explain why their bodies are bigger. It’s not “overeating,” or eating “unhealthy” foods or not enough “healthy” foods, or too little activity, that explains why some of us are fat and others lean. Conventional wisdom on obesity’s cause hasn’t changed appreciably from the time of Galen, who held obese individuals responsible for their size, said obesity researcher Dr. Jeffrey M. Friedman, M.D., Ph.D., head of the Laboratory of Molecular Genetics at Rockefeller University. The commonly held belief that obese people can simply decide to eat less and exercise more to control their weight is “at odds with substantial scientific evidence illuminating a precise and powerful biological system that maintains body weight within a relatively narrow range (10-20 pounds),” he said. Fat people are victimized by a social stigma predicated on these myths, he wrote in a 2004 issue of Nature Medicine. Our body shapes and sizes are, to a most significant extent, genetically determined. “The heritability of obesity is equivalent to that of height and greater than that of almost every other condition that has been studied,” said Dr. Friedman. Someone genetically predisposed to obesity will become obese independent of their caloric intake, he explains. And, while it may explain a few extra pounds, it’s not the environment, where almost everyone as unlimited access to calories, that explains the marked difference in body weights in our population today. “Why has the scientific evidence from long-standing obesity research not found its way into the minds of the public and even a significant proportion of the scientific community?,” asks Dr. Friedman. “Perhaps,“ he says, "it is because these views are shaped by a constant barrage of advertisements from the diet industry which has a multibillion dollar interest in promoting the view that weight can be controlled through volition alone… Perhaps it is because humans prefer to believe that the conscious wish to be trim is an element of our “free will” and should therefore dominate” our genes. But the average person eats one million or more calories each year, while weight changes very little, because energy balance is biologically regulated with a precision of greater than 99.5%, which far exceeds what can be consciously controlled, he explained.

[sytycdinternational]

Eurovision 2021 pre-show ranking #39 - #27

Less than a week until Eurovision 2021 is upon us. The wait has been gruelling but now it is almost here and finally my thirst for more Eurovision will be quenched. Also rushing this out last-minute before the opening ceremony tomorrow.

I’m only taking the official music videos and the national final performances (if those exist) into account so I expect my ranking to be turned upside-down once the live-shows happen as per usual, especially with how insanely strong this year’s entries are. I won’t talk much about last year’s cancelled entries because losing an entire year’s worth of songs still hurts but I thought it would be fun to do a little comparison for each country about which year’s song I prefer, shown in brackets at the end of each entry.

...

39. Uku Suviste - The Lucky One - Estonia 🇪🇪: It’s like Estonia took Sweden’s formula of handsome guy singing inoffensive pop songs, only worse, for the last three years. Come on, Estonia, you can do so much better. "Rändajad" (2009), "Siren" (2010), "Kuula" (2012) and "Goodbye To Yesterday" (2015) are proof for that. (2020/2021)

38. Tusse - Voices - Sweden 🇸🇪: I feel painfully indifferent about this and that saddens me. Sweden tends to send very polished pop entries that work for me more times than not, but geez, I can’t but feel like this song is incredibly bland. There’s no particular emotion it evokes in me, neither through the musical arrangement nor the lyrics. It does have ear worm quality since I sometimes catch myself summing the chorus , albeit dispassionately, so I can see it doing well voting-wise just because people will remember the song and its anthem-like qualities. (2020/2021)

37. Tornike Kipiani - You - Georgia 🇬🇪: I appreciate with all my heart that Georgia keeps sending bold but quality entries that often go against Eurovision trends and every time I am heart-broken that the general public doesn't appreciate them enough for them to reach the final ("Three Minutes to Earth" (2014), "For You" (2018), "Keep on Going" (2019). This year’s entry is equally bold in its simplicity but I fear this time it’s simply a misfit for this show no matter how you look at it. It’s just too relaxed and mundane. It stings a bit since Tornike’s song last year “Take Me As I Am“ was one of my top favorites. Oh man, I still get chills when I listen to that one. The only reason this is higher than Sweden is because it’s kinda wholesome. (2020/2021)

36. RAFAŁ - The Ride - Poland 🇵🇱: It has a peppy beat that I can get behind and I like watching the MV for the dancers. I'm a simple man lol. Choreography is done by Agustin Egurrola, one of the judges on SYTYCD Poland when it was still on, so that’s neat. Maybe I’ll check out the new dance show “Dance Dance Dance” that sorta replaced it. I’m only three seasons behind anyway.  (2020/2021)

35. James Newman - Embers - United Kingdom 🇬🇧: I feel a bit bad because this is one of the greatest efforts the UK has spent on ESC in the last few years, but still, I just... don’t care for it? It somehow feels sterile and that’s just something I can’t party to. I guess it’s a pity the UK decided to actually try seriously competing for once by sending a bop only for all the other countries to bring their A-game this year. (2020/2021)

34. ROXEN - Amnesia - Romania 🇷🇴: I think I like the word combination “self-love amnesia” but that’s one of the very few elements I find interesting about this entry. (2020/2021)

33. TIX - Fallen Angel - Norway 🇳🇴: Super catchy so I can forgive the corny mess of a stage performance that he’ll likely replicate for the actual show. I did expect something better from the guy who co-wrote Ava Max’s “Sweet But Psycho”. (2020/2021)

32. Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place - Belgium 🇧🇪: I guess the Belgish delegation realized that using singers barely old enough to drink to sing the moody songs they’ve been putting out the past few yeaars might not be such a good idea after the disaster in 2019. While I do think that Hooverphonic is experienced enough to avoid the same pitfall I can’t help but think that the song simply goes nowhere and ends up in an uncomfortable swamp. (2020/2021)

31. Senhit - Adrenalina - San Marino 🇸🇲: Speaking of songs that go nowhere... I wish I liked this more since it's obvious how enthusiastic Senhit feels about this show with the myriads of professionally produced ESC covers she made and the amount of artistry she pours in everything. The entry itself is simply too monotone for me. Not feeling the hype about Flo Rida tbh. (2020/2021)

30. Benny Cristo - omaga - Czech Republic 🇨🇿: I think similarly to his song last year it will take the live performance for me to really warm up to it. The “Here’s Johnny Benny” moment in the MV is absolute gold though. (2020/2021)

29. Jendrik - I Don't Feel Hate - Germany 🇩🇪: The chaotic energy is as endearing as it is tiring for me. Let’s hope the German delegation doesn’t regret choosing this over El Diablo which was one of the songs which made the final rounds of the internal selection before it was given to Cyprus. (2020/2021)

28. Fyr & Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden - Denmark 🇩🇰: I’m digging the retro vibes. Also cute dance moves from the singers.  (2020/2021)

27. Vincent Bueno - Amen - Austria 🇦🇹: The generally positive and uplifting vibes of this song belie the sorrowful lamentation of a broken man to a higher being about what’s been taken from him. That’s the implications I got from this and it would align well with what’s been reportet about his personal life, explaining the sudden shift from the dancey songs Vinecnt is known for to gospel light. (2020/2021)

Oh, and because I feel bad for ranking Uku last, here’s a picture of him running to god knows where.

[suxian]

I guess this starts to become a series now.

Still, it’s the teddy bear! Nix and Dick’s quite unusual life in Pennsylvania.

1 2

When Dick had finished his busy day's work on the farm, the sun was setting, and the farm was bathed in a dim afterglow. Before that, before Nix unreasonably turned into a teddy bear and everything was going well, he and Nix went to a bridge party in the countryside every Wednesday they had time. Dick would spend an evening playing bridge, honing the skills Nix had taught him, and Nix would have a heavy drink with some of his new friends ("I'd better get drunk and out of my head so I don't win every game I play unnecessarily, "Nix said). Dick would always remember Nix saying this while thinking that he was in love with a brilliant jerk, a Yale graduate who could hang out with the club like a courtesans if he wanted to. It took all of his self-control to kiss his Nix in public.

After that, Dick would drive home with Nix, who had drunk enough.

But, once in a while, Dick and Nix got into trouble. Some people felt that their relationship had "gone too far." At such times, Nix, who seemed to be in a drunken stupor, would quietly distract most attention with gags, nonsense, alcohol, and battlefield experiences. Among Nix's many improvisational nonsense is a particularly perverse version of how he, who went to great lengths to raise money, and Dick bought the farm after the war because he loved the Pennsylvania countryside his comrades painted.

Dick didn't know what to make of it. "It's ridiculous. You don't look even close like the kind of person who's going to be short of money." He said to Nix.

"I play the guy who does nothing and spends all his money away." Nix shrugged. "I'm a very persuasive person."

“Is it? "Asked Dick, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course." Nix said as he removed the cigarette from his lips and threw it out of the window. They were on their way home at very deep night, with not a person or a car around them in the moonlight.

"I have every confidence in my scrounging abilities." He then suddenly turned round and gave Dick a unexpected quick kiss.

Dick gave Nix a warning look.

However, "What's wrong? You want to give me a punishment?" Nix grinned and asked in a drawling voice, “Major Winters?"

Dick shut his mouth quickly, and was wise enough not to speak. He turned his eyes back down the dark road, as if deaf to Nix's provocation and overt temptation.

Nix stared at the side of Dick's face touched by the moonlight. He wondered if Dick was aware of what was in his heart, the anger he felt at not being able to reveal his true feelings for Dick to anyone, and a more intimate sense of confusion and dismay.

Nix never talked about this with Dick. When he was alone, he could not help thinking about what kind of life Dick would be and what kind of different experience he would have if Dick had not been bound by his side. This doesn’t mean that Nix doubted for a second that Dick did not love him, or vise versa, but he would not have invited Dick to come and work for Nixon Chemical Factory in New Jersey after dick’s retirement if he had not allowed his desire to "own Dick Winters to himself" to flourish. Then Dick and he wouldn’t have spent so much time together outside the battlefield, and Dick would not have been promoted because of his serious attitude in work. In that case, he wouldn't have any chance been there for Nix when his mother died of liver cancer in 1948, nor would he have been there for Nix when his sister, after suicide due to depression, mysteriously turned down the military draft and quit his job as an personnel manager at Nixon Chemical, and invited Nix to come back to Pennsylvania with him and buy this farm.

The ambiguity between them, the vague feelings, the ambiguous words, the suspenseful and careful testing of each other before, would not have become Dick's every kiss, every hug, and every incredible sex.

And Dick will definitely never end up, Nix thinks, with himself.

/

They couldn't play bridge, so Nix and Dick played poker instead. Nix mastered all the tricks of play and he soon became extremely bored -- if Dick had lost, he would have been able to demand kisses, caresses, and sex from him because he had lost so badly. But Nix looked at himself now and realized that there was no need to think naughty thoughts, that he could do nothing.

Despite Dick's concentration and seriousness, it was impossible for him to ignore Nix's emotions. So at the end of another game, Dick did not continue shuffling. Instead, he asked, "Nix, are you all right?"

Nix heard Dick's question but did not answer it immediately. He seemed to be in a daze for some time before he suddenly asked, "Dick, do you have any idea what it would be like if you were called back into the army at that time?"

"Back to the army?” Dick stood still and thought unconsciously for a moment, and then answered, "I haven't given it any specific thought, but I don't think I'll ever go to the front to lead, or command, to fight again. I am tired of human beings killing each other for selfish demands. One cruel and merciless war is enough for a man in his life. So even if I did, I'd be more likely to stay at an officer's academy and do some sort of drill sergeant."

"Oh, the U.S. Army would love to have you as a drill sergeant." Nix smiled and said, "You are an invaluable kind of man, Dick."

When Dick heard Nix's words, all of a sudden, his face, which had been merely puzzled, quickly became cold and hard. He straightened his back, sat up, and asked unquestionably, "Nix, what happened?"

"Nothing," said Teddy, shrugging his shoulders innocuously. "You're bad at cards. I win too much.”

"Nix," Dick said, obviously not knowing what quitting means, "you know I know you're lying, right?" He said, his green eyes fixed unmistakably on Nixon. Nix often saw Dick staring at her like that, as if Nix was priceless and so easy to lose.

It would have been too hard for any man not to throw away one's shield and armor under such a look. Nix thinks, "I guess, I don't know if I'm holding you back from being more valuable and greater and more noble and all that,”—he gives up, he was turned into a teddy bear, and who knows what the fickle fates will do to him again? Nix heard his own voice echoing through the living room. "It puts you in the middle of a whirlpool of gossip and people will keep talking about for, I don’t know, the rest of your life? "

Then he looked up, and saw Dick's pale face, and its shaky look, as if he had been hit right on the stomach.

"Nix," Dick said hoarsely, "I'm really sorry I didn't see this sooner. You must have had these thoughts long enough."

Nix immediately said nervously, "Your remorse is totally unwarranted. It has nothing to do with you..."

"No, it's not." Dick closed his eyes, and then took a deep breath. "I'm not interested in --I don’t give a damn about the possibility of a great, noble life --"

"Because you've never experienced --"

"Because those lives don't include you." "Without you, Nix, I might have died in Normandy, in Holland, in Germany, in Belgium, and never lived to know what pure pleasure, true love, pain, and heartbreak are."

"When a person makes a choice, there are consequences. I was a soldier, a commander officer, and my duty on the battlefield -- eventually it was basically instinct-- was to do the right thing quickly as possible and without hesitation, and make sure to carry it out."

Dick gazed intently at Nix. "Nix, I chose you. I’ll not regret it for even a second. "

“It is my instinct to love you. "

[hazem4y]

✰ 𝖳𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗇 ✰ | 𝗜𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗻 𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿

𝗖 𝗛 𝗔 𝗣 𝗧 𝗘 𝗥 𝗢 𝗡 𝗘 - 𝖨𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝗈𝗒 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗋𝗈𝗉𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝗂𝗆𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗎𝖻𝗅𝖾.

Summary:  Delilah, a girl whom grew up around crime , has an unlikely run-through with the infamous Belgian reporter, Tintin. Being assigned to lead him astray from her bosses drug cartel, she ponders everything she's grown around; wondering if she can break free from her filthy past and her unsavoury 'habits.'

Featuring greasy, gelled-up mafia bosses and the small, quaint Italian coast/countryside, this book has everything a stereotypical Mafia book has, with some classic elements from Hérge's 'Tintin!'

Warnings: Mild drug references (Opiates,) Gun reference in like, one sentence. 

Taglist: @another-her​ @cc-bitz​ @ofmarlinspike​ @augustinremi @cheesecake-crisis (If you want out or in please let me know !!)

Wattpad link here!!

Please show your support by notes n’ reblogs !! I’m so sorry, I’m vv insecure about my writing and need re-assurance 24/7 :,)))

...

"Increased use of Opiates in Belgium concerns citizens!"

The recent spike of opium usage has concerned locals as the increase of drug usage had been theorised to link to the increase of crime. Authorities say it may be due to an unknown criminal organisation, which has thought to be terrorising citizens and forcing authorities to enforce curfew rules, which in turn has enraged regulars of Belgium night life, and caused major profit cuts to clubs, bars and other places frequented at night.

"These damn curfew rules are costing me euros, and making me lose valuable customers!" Says local bar-owner, Hugo.

Other night-life goers have commented on their evident dislike of the curfew, although many elderly citizens have been thankful for the new rules; as it ensures the 'safety of each and every citizen from this awful drug craze.' Quotes Police-man, Thompson. (Which is not to be confused with his relative, Thomson.)

So far, the said organisation leaders have not been caught, nor identified, and Police investigations have failed to gather a lead on the case. Reporter, Tintin, famous for finding Red Rackham's Treasure and busting Salaad's drug cartel, has made no comment on the current situation, and has yet to reach out for further investigation.

...

"An increase in Opiate usage linked to crime? What an Interesting coincidence, isn't it?" The White, wiry-haired mutt yapped in reply, as the Ginger-haired boy pondered the article; Hand on his chin, his eyebrows knitted together causing his forehead to crease,

The young reporter thought for awhile longer, until he made a connection to prior events, re-animating his frown in a cartoon-esque manner, "Why, It's- just like when we busted...Allan and his goons!"

A cup of bitter-sweet tea on a weekend shopping trip with the familiar chill of Brussels wind was quite a juxtaposition to the rush of travelling countries for the next story. Even though they satisfied the boys wanderlust, Tintin enjoyed the quiet interludes from his adventures. But, once more, it had to be interrupted by some interloper.

"I guess our little break will have to be cut short! So soon too..."

...

"It seems our little 'scheme' has made its way into the papers..." A tall, buff figure sitting at the head of the table declared. The scars on his face were highlighted under the fluorine lights as well as the unsightly manner his face was scrunched in; his expression emitting his enraged state.

"Do you realise what this means?" He paused, abruptly throwing himself off his chair, jabbing a calloused finger into the page, "This means that nosy reporter and his friends will interfere quite soon..."

'Find him, befriend him, kill him-Whatever you need to do! Just bring him to us, dead or alive...Then maybe, we could do something about your past.'

...

Delilah stretched her limbs, letting out a long-winded yawn as her gaze stayed fixed on the ginger-haired figure; his eyes fixed on the Sunday paper in his hands, "Nothin' so far..." She muttered, the tapping of her pencil on her note-pad filled with words acting like a white-noise along with the regular chatter that filled the room.

With no means of entertainment, (Although Delilah enjoyed people-watching, sometimes her patience ran thin.) she skimmed through her pages of notes, which recorded any important information.

"Alright boy, I think it's time we head to the market. Maybe we'll see the Thom(p)sons like last time!"

Welp, that was her cue.

Judging by the hefty crowd walking around the cobbled streets, it was the perfect time to make her escape. She threw on a well-loved hat and coat, and slung a leather messenger bag on her shoulder, before slipping away; her body clad in well-worn items, her beige-hued Trench-coat and a patterned Paperboy hat inconspicuous against the males pushing her against the flow of the crowd.

...

Every so often, every Sunday morning, the town square's grey-coloured cobble is filled up with the colourful hues of the shopkeep's canopy tents; the square being filled with various people, the familiar banter of negotiation, and smells of fresh produce and food. Somewhere in the throng of coats and hats, (that protected the wearers from the frigid weather.) the infamous reporter stood, examining a shopkeep's repertoire of Bric-a-Brac,

"The markets sure are busier than usual!" His voice raised slightly over the blaring chatter. 'Twas like nobody knew of personal space; Each man arm to arm, shunning the impatient who shoved the bodies aside. As boot-clad feet came in contact with the stone, the white canine beside Tintin let out a yelp; as a foot trampled on his stubby tail.

The perpetrators eyes were wide in offence, mouth open ready to sling curses at the sound, "W-why you bone-headed nimrod, watch where you're-"

With all the ruckus happening near-by, the quiff-haired boy turned around, expression melded into one of pleasant surprise, "Captain!"

The boy's voice seemed to catch the individuals attention, prompting them to turn around, "Aye-Tintin?! Pleasant surprise seeing you, lad! 'Specially here-I mean, I never see you doing any sort of leisure!"

"Actually..." He paused. Nothing good would come of a crowd like this, "I-just decided to enjoy such leisure time! By doing some...'Sunday shopping.'" He winked, his hand slipping out of his coat pocket to hand the captain a slightly crinkled and haphazardly torn article.

The captain let out a long 'Oh' as he shoved the paper back into his pocket, picking up their 'casual' conversation, "Well, I hope you find something interesting-There's a lot of ol' treasures 'round these parts y'know."

"I hope I do too! I wonder if we'll run into Thompson and Thomson..." A smug smirk crept on his face as they continued to converse in their 'secret language.' Time seemed to lose track of itself as the duo slung words towards each other-

Actually, is seemed as if the entire market halted action; Silence rolling across the crowd.

A shrill, blood-curdling scream. Hang on, A scream?

The extreme vocal strain seemed to trigger the crowd into a panic, the hushed chatter and shifting eyes of the crowd attempting to stay alert of danger.

The reporter attempted to stand on the tip of his toes to gain leverage over his height, but the crowd smothered any chance for a look of the conflict, "Do you have any clue what's going on? I can't see-"

He squinted as he leaned on the gentlemen next to him, earning some unsavoury looks, "Hang on I-Thundering Typhoons!"

As convenient as it was, the crowd sort of parted a second, it seems as if everyone wanted to watch the conflict; and nobody was going to help?

This time the dispute was clear to Tintin, causing great discomfort and anger to surge through his tiny frame.

The male, his appearance displaying outwardly his feelings of anger, began to dash towards the trouble, his person a blur "Take care of Snowy and watch for my whereabouts," He ceased for a second, chucking a handgun that was previously concealed in his pocket to Captain Haddock's general direction, "And take this-!"

...

Author's Section.

Hello !! Welcome to the First chapter of my story !! This took me awhile to write, as I was working out the best format so that your experience will flow well. I wanted the transitions from chapter and scene to be as smooth as a fountain pen on paper, so I hope you all enjoy.

As the synopsis says, this story will include elements from every stereotypical mafia movie, plus classic elements from Hèrge's ' Tintin.'

I'm not going to spill much but there will also might be a little bit of romantic elements. Nothing that distracts from the wonderful plot, of course, that would make me a terrible writer, but just some wholesome stuff. (We will not be sinning, because I am not defiling my childhood-)

Anyhow, I hope you stay with me and this series !! (And I hope I can finish it too...)

Be warned, quality goes down from here...I feel like I did terrible on the other chapters but that's just me...

I also might change the story name too, I’m taking recommendations as well! I don’t know what to name it...

Much love,

-Hayleigh

[firefeufuego]

allegrezza: chapter two

Inspired by the prompt ‘Media Adaption’ for RebelCaptain Appreciation Week, I thought I’d bang out another chapter of the coda to my Mozart in the Jungle crossover. Enjoy!

‘Tepoztlán’, the voice of the driver carries down the bus as it comes to a stop and Jyn stands and reaches for her bag before stepping off into Cassian’s hometown. It’s a bit odd to be here without him, but the orchestra’s delayed flight out of Rio left her with an extra day in her little surprise trip to Mexico and there’s something here she wants to do alone.

Tapping in  her destination on her phone, she sets off through the streets of the picturesque town, nestled in a valley between the soaring cliff sides of lushly forested mountains. Jyn’s less interested in the landscapes and architecture than the people though, because everywhere she looks, she sees a younger Cassian — in the two boys kicking a football back and forth that could be him and Rodrigo, or the babbling toddler sitting on his father’s shoulders.

There’s a bittersweet heaviness to those fond invented memories that mirrors the ache she feels when she thinks of her own childhood, those early years of happiness making the subsequent loss cut all the deeper. 

Still, better than to have never been happy at all, as Cassian would say if he were here. She misses him, even more than she has done for the past month that they’ve both been touring. 

She’s supposed to be in Belgium now before setting off for the last leg of the tour in Germany, but the thought of not being there when Cassian played his first professional concert in Mexico (a concert that he and Rodrigo had been stressing each other out over for months) was unacceptable. Or so she’d thought after a bottle of wine in her empty hotel room before shelling out more money than she’d rather think about for last minute flights.

Her phone buzzes in her hand, telling her she’s reached her destination. There’s a stand selling flowers near the entrance and she buys the two most expensive bouquets, feeling strangely nervous about first impressions even though the people she’s buying them for could literally not care less.

After a few minutes scanning the rows of stones, she finds them. 

Jeron Andor Lopez and Charlotte McMillan share a simple headstone, engraved with a short message about Cassian and — Jyn notes with a smile ��� a few of the best bars of the Brahms sonata. 

Laying down the flowers, she gets the water bottle and a packet of tissues out of her bag and sets about cleaning the dirt and dust off of the stone, which looks as if it had gone unvisited in some time. She knows Cassian is never able to visit as often as he wants to and he has no other living family in Mexico, which is why he had to move to the US to live with his mother’s dour brother after the accident. 

Once she’s done scrubbing, she drinks the rest of the water and sits beside the newly gleaming granite, looking around to check that she’s alone before clearing her throat awkwardly. ‘Hello. My name is Jyn Erso and I’m in love with your son.’ She pauses for a minute, tracing Cassian’s name. ‘You would be so proud of him, he’s just— he’s the best person. I feel like I should thank you both, for, you know, making him.  I’m, um, I’m  going to ask him to marry me soon, actually, which is kind of why I’m here. I think that if you knew me, and how I hurt him, you probably wouldn’t trust me with him. There are days when I don’t really trust myself with him. But I promise, on every grave in this place, that I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying to make him happy. And if I don’t, you can feel free to strike me down with whatever powers you have at your disposal.’   

There’s no sudden burst of sun or gust of wind that she might imagine into a response, but the sense of duty that brought her here still feels satisfied. She feels the weight of responsibility of making that promise to the only other people who loved Cassian as much as her, but it feels grounding — more like an anchor than a burden.

After another few minutes of thoughtful silence, Jyn murmurs a goodbye and starts toward the second place she’d come here to see.

Maestro Rivera’s music conservatory is a gorgeous old building, bustling with young students lugging around instrument cases that are still just a bit big for them. There’s a particular kind of cacophony that only comes from music schools and makes her miss Yavin fiercely.

More than a few of the students recognise her and excitedly ask for selfies and after a few minutes of increasingly awkward smiling and being maneuvered within various configurations of friendship groups, she asks them where she can find the maestro. Two of them immediately appoint themselves as her guides, eagerly pointing out various ensemble rooms and places of interest, including a bin where the great Rodrigo de Sousa apparently set all the school’s Tchaikovsky scores on fire in a fit of adolescent pique. With the benefit of years of living with Cassian, Jyn just manages to keep up with their slowed-down Spanish, though she keeps her responses to a minimum to avoid having to use her apparently comical accent. 

About a month after that first recital at Yavin, Jyn — feeling outgunned in the romance stakes after Cassian had so tenderly nursed her back to health then treated her to a series of increasingly lovely dates — tried to tell him how she felt in Spanish, practising in the mirror more times than she was willing to admit until the words felt comfortable in her mouth.

Once she’d said them, Cassian’s expression was almost entirely charmed, but she still caught the laugh he’d quickly suppressed.

Flustered and a little dismayed, she asked, ‘How did I not get it right? I looked it up in a proper dictionary and everything.’

Quickly wrapping her in his arms, he explained between kisses that he’d just never heard such strongly Danish-accented Spanish before. ‘I think your brain just defaulted to the foreign accent it already knew.’

Somewhat mollified, Jyn nevertheless looked up the hardest words she knew in Danish and made Cassian pronounce them, which he did with exaggerated incompetence.

Then of course, because he really was impossible to compete with as a romantic, he took her face in his hands and said, his voice hushed and reverent, ‘I’m falling in love with you too.’

She shivers now as she did then, but her reverie is soon interrupted by their arrival at Maestro Rivera’s room. 

The man who opens the door looks like some kind of vengeful Old Testament deity, all stern brow and long, white beard. No wonder Cassian and Rodrigo are as good as they are, if this is who was telling them to practise. His face soon brightens as he takes her in though. ‘Ms Erso, what a pleasure.’ He takes her hand and presses it to his lips. ‘How you have grown since the last time I saw you.’

Jyn opens her mouth in surprise, brow furrowing. ‘When—’

He links his arm with hers and starts to walk down the hallway, raising an eyebrow at the two students who have surreptitiously moved to follow them and sending them scurrying off. ‘Your father and I crossed paths a few times before I retired here. I remember you as a very well-behaved young child at one of his concerts.’

‘That doesn’t really sound like me.’ Hellion had been bandied about quite a lot during her childhood.

‘Ah!’ He chuckles. ‘Perhaps not normally, but you were so enchanted by the music, even then. You followed your father’s fingers so closely, I’m surprised you didn’t turn out to be a violinist.’

‘I nearly did.’ She’s about to go on to explain why she chose piano instead, but decides she’s had enough of thinking about children losing their parents for one day.

‘Now, I think that you did not come here to talk about your past.’ Guiding them to one of the many photos lining the corridor, he points to one with a hint of mischief. ‘Maestro de Sousa tells me one of my other students has caught your eye.’

The photo shows a string ensemble mid-performance and in the first row sits Cassian at around eight years old, face serious as he holds his little 13 inch viola aloft. She gasps out a delighted laugh at his terrible haircut and chubby cheeks, marvelling at how they could have transformed into the razor-sharp beauty of the man she knows. 

Maestro Rivera laughs along with her. ‘Puberty really was a blessing for that boy. But so talented.’ He frowns. ‘I’ve always thought he’s wasted on the viola. You know, I tried so hard to get him to switch to the violin, but he would not listen.’

Jyn thinks of how Cassian’s face lights up when he’s playing with the orchestra in a way that it never quite does when he plays alone. ‘He’s too selfless for violin, he just likes making other people sound good.’

The maestro hums in acknowledgement. ‘And of course there was his mother. A truly impressive musician. She played like you, not quite as beautifully as Cassian, but with such fire.’

‘With the blood?’

‘With the blood, exactly. I see someone has been stealing my lines.’ He leads her down the corridor to other photos of Cassian, including one of him and Rodrigo in a string quartet, arms around each other and smiling. Jyn gets out her phone and is about to take a picture of it when Maestro Rivera plucks the frame off the wall and hands it to her. ‘Consider this my payment.’

Raising an eyebrow as she puts the photo away, she asks, ‘Payment for what?’

‘For the piano recital that you’re about to give for my students, of course.’ His tone is benevolent but brooks no argument and she pities the poor soul who would ever try to say no to this man.

Within half an hour, she finds herself seated at an old but well-maintained grand piano and surrounded by students. Most of the hastily-gathered crowd is seated but the maestro has allowed the pianists to come up close and they watch her technique with eagle eyes, making her think harder about it than she has in a while.

She plays the Prokofiev from her current tour repertoire along with some Beethoven and Mozart for good measure. Once she’s finished, the piano students are asked to list all of her mistakes, with any that they missed helpfully supplied by Maestro Rivera. 

It’s just like she’s back with Saw, and she makes a note to find his most recent contact details. Rumour has it he’s somewhere in Mongolia doing something interesting with throat singers.

After many more selfies and a fond ‘Hasta pronto’ from the maestro, who’s coming to the concert in a few days, she’s put in someone’s parent’s car and driven back to the bus stop. 

While she waits, she gets a message from Cassian. You still awake?

She goes to call him before realising the country code will ruin her surprise and she doesn’t have enough data for an internet call. With a disappointed sigh, she replies, Barely. Talk tomorrow?

Okay. Miss you. 

She feels a little awful, knows he’s even more stressed about coming to Mexico and the concert than he’s letting on. But she’ll more than make up for it tomorrow. God, she’s never felt better about dropping two grand on a whim. Miss you too, it’s not long now. Have a safe flight.

Yeah, just two more weeks. I love you.

Who knows, maybe it’ll feel shorter. Love you too. So much. Even without those cheekbones.

????? 

;)

[youcanhavemybuckanyday]

Answer all of them. 1-170. have fun.

HELL YES LETS GOOOOOOOO

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? 

5′2″. Exactly how tall I am now. I like being short.

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

I’ve always wanted a ferret. They can weed out people for me. If a person says “Ew, it’s a rat” then they ain’t worth my time.

 3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? 

Whatever’s on sale. Preferably baggy and comfortable

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? 

Always has been and always will be the Nancy Drew computer games. I’m obsessed. There are 32 games (we don’t talk about number 33), and I’ve played each one dozens of times.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: 

My laptop, my dog, my tumblr account

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? 

Warning: Prone to spontaneous breakdowns, both physically and mentally.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? 

Honest opinion on @Elizard-Hamilton, the person who sent this ask: They’re super sweet and kind, and probably the first reciprocal tumblr friendship I’ve ever had.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] 

Don’t know what that is, too drunk to figure it out right now.

9: Are you ticklish? 

God yes. But I retaliate. If you tickle me, you will die.

10: Are you allergic to anything? 

No, that’s the one medical thing that I don’t have.

11: What’s your sexuality? 

Hetero-Demi Sexual. So I like men, but I’m only sexually attracted to them if we’ve been close for a long time.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? 

Cocoa, always. Specifically, Tim Hortons Hot Chocolate. Medium, 2 creams.

13: Are you a cat or dog person? 

Dog. Always.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? 

I answered this one already, definitely merperson.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? 

Nope.

16: How tall are you? 

See above.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? 

I’d just add an L to my name. New name, pronounced the same.

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] 

Right now, 126 lbs. But I should be 110. I just got off a medication that made me gain 40 pounds practically overnight. I went from 100 pounds to 140 pounds. I’m slowing losing the weight.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? 

Not in the traditional sense, but I do believe there are things about the departed we don’t yet understand. Kind of like way back when they though lightning was a supernatural event, until they found a scientific explanation for it. I think there’s stuff we just haven’t discovered yet.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? 

Ocean.

21: Are you religious? 

Nope, athiest.

22: Pet peeves? 

Idk, I can’t think of any right now.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? 

Wtf I don’t know? Who cares? I’d rather be whatever koalas are. They sleep 22 hours a day.

24: Favorite constellation? 

The only one I can think of right now is big dipper. That makes it my favourite and also my least favourite constellation.

25: Favorite star? 

See question 24, but North Star.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? 

I don’t know what that is? Do you mean like Barbie? I litterally watching Barbie Nutcracker right now, lol.

27: Any phobias or fears? 

Spiders.

28: Do you think global warming is real? 

Duh.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? 

No.

30: Favorite movie? 

Does Hamilton count? If yes, that. If not, Knives Out. I’m a sucker for a good murder mystery.

31: Do you get scared easily? 

Yes.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 

Oh god. Idk. You’re going to make me do math on vacation. Lets see. 3 Dogs, 2 Cats, ungodly numbers of fish, 2 rats, 5 hermit crabs, 3 hamsters, probably others I can’t remember.

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] 

@elizard-hamilton 10/10. 5 stars. Thumbs up. Gold Star.

34: What is a color that calms you? 

Royal Purple. I used to have a bedroom where everything was royal purple. The walls, the furniture, the bedding, the accessories. Everything. It was a great time in my life, so the colour makes me think of good times.

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? 

I’d love to go to Belgium. My grandmother was born there, and we still have family over there that I’ve never met.

36: Where were you born? 

London Ontario

37: What is your eye color? 

Hazel

38: Introvert or extrovert? 

Introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? 

Not at all

40: Hugs or kisses? 

None of the above. I have Asperger's, I don’t like to be touched.

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? 

I’d love to see my BFF from high school again. Haven’t talked to her since we graduated. Rachel, if you’re out there, I miss you.

42: Who is someone you love deeply? 

My parents.

43: Any piercings you want? 

None.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? 

Nope. I don’t have anything against them, they’re just not for me. If you have them, I won’t think any less of you. There’s nothing wrong with them.

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? 

Nope. I’ve already got really shitty lungs (I have Cystic Fibrosis), I’d rather not make them worse than they already are.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! 

Oh gosh, he’s cute, funny, talented, a great singer, a great writer, he wrote a hit broadway musical... oh, he doesn’t count? Then no, no one right now.

47: What is a sound you really hate? 

Styrofoam rubbing against more styrofoam.

48: A sound you really love? 

The notification sound tumblr makes when I get something in my inbox

49: Can you do a backflip? 

HA no.

50: Can you do the splits? 

HA HA no.

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? 

Do I even need to answer this? I’m going to anyway. It’s..... drumroll........ Danny Devito! Lol, no, it’s Lin Manuel-Miranda

52: Favorite movie? 

This is the same as question 30.

53: How are you feeling right now? 

Drunk. Next question.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? 

Purple. I used to have purple hair. Then I got older and got a real job and I’m not allowed to die my hair anymore.

55: When did you feel happiest? 

At 16, with my purple hair and purple bedroom and my bff in like grade 11

56: Something that calms you down? 

Hamilton

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] 

Asperger’s, Depression, situational anxiety.

58: What does your URL mean? 

Every time is Hamiltime. Because it’s always time for Hamilton.

59: What three words describe you the most? 

Bizarre, confrontational, idk. Is there a word that means unwilling to put up with anyone’s bullshit? Because if so, then that.

60: Do you believe in evolution? 

Yes. Evolution is a fact, it’s been proven. So this question should not say do you believe in evolution, it should say do you accept evolution.

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? 

If they start posting stuff i disagree with, or if they totally veer into a new fandom I’m not interested in. I’ve lost so many good blogs to kpop.

62: What makes you follow a blog? 

Idk, I like their stuff?

63: Favorite kind of person: 

Kind people.

64: Favorite animal(s): 

Pug.

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. 

I’m not going to start naming friends, cause I’ve got way more than three and I know I’m going to forget someone, so here’s 3 random blogs I enjoy: gmoringgnight, tinywhim, torsnavi

66: Favorite emoticon: 

I’m on my laptop, i don’t have emoticons right now, but probably the one where he’s crying laughing

67: Favorite meme: 

All of them. I love all the memes.

68: What is your MBTI personality type? 

I’m too drunk to remember right now, ask me tomorrow.

69: What is your star sign? 

Pisces

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? 

He cannot. He’s an idiot. But he can give you a high five, if that counts for something.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? 

Leggings, T-Shirt, Hoodie. Whatever’s clean.

72: Post a selfie or two? 

No

73: Do you have platform shoes? 

No

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? 

I can solve a rubik’s cube

75: Can you do a front flip? 

LOL NO

76: Do you like birds? 

To look at, not to own or touch

77: Do you like to swim? 

Very much. In the water, it’s the one place my back doesn’t hurt.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? 

Swimming. I don’t skate. I know, oh wow, a Canadian who can’t skate. Sue me.

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: 

Trump.

80: Some thing you wish did exist: 

Alex Clairmont-Diaz

81: Piercings you have? 

My ears are pierced.

82: Something you really enjoy doing: 

Reading

83: Favorite person to talk to: 

My mom

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? 

Amazing, finally a place I can be as weird as I want and it’s totally anonymous.

85: How many followers do you have? 

I have no idea.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? 

HA no

87: Do your socks always match? 

Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? 

When I was 14, they did a surgery where they put metal rods in my spine to keep it from growing crooked. My spine doesn’t bend at all. So I’ve never tried to touch my toes, but I’m going to go with no, I can’t.

89: What are your birthstones? 

I think Aquamarine? I don’t remember.

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? 

Koala. They sleep 22 hours a day.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? 

I can’t think of any flowers right now beyond rose and tulip, and neither represent me. Is there a flower that’s really ugly? If so, that.

92: A store you hate? 

Gap. I despise that store with every escence of my being.

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 

None. It tastes like manure.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? 

Ooh, fly. No more wheelchair.

95: Do you like to wear camo? 

I don’t think i particularly like or dislike it. I just don’t wear it.

96: Winter or summer? 

SUMMER ALL THE TIME

97: How long can you hold your breath for? 

Not long at all. See explanation above, r.e. Cystic Fibrosis

98: Least favorite person? 

Trump

99: Someone you look up to: 

My mom

100: A store you love? 

Hot Topic. Yes, I’m basic like that. 

101: Favorite type of shoes 

Flats, cause I don’t have to attempt to bend over to put them on.

102: Where do you live? 

Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Yes, I’m serious.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? 

Nope.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? 

Wtf? Are people supposed to have a favourite mineral or gem?

105: Do you drink milk? 

No

106: Do you like bugs? 

No

107: Do you like spiders? 

NO

108: Something you get paranoid about? 

If I remembered to turn off my computer before I go to bed.

109: Can you draw: 

Nope

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? 

On a daily basis, people ask me why I use my scooter or my wheelchair. Every day. Not so much during the pandemic, but yeah.

111: A question you hate being asked? 

“When are you going to get a boyfriend?” “When are you going to settle down?” 

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? 

NOPE

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? 

Who doesn’t?

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? 

Cloudy, cause then I can stay indoors guilt-free

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: 

My dog. But he’s with my sister.

116: Favorite cloud type: 

???? Is this something I’m supposed to have an opinion on?????

117: What color do you wish the sky was? 

???? IDGAF ??????

118: Do you have freckles? 

No

119: Favorite thing about a person: 

Their laugh

120: Fruits or vegetables? 

Fruit

121: Something you want to do right now: 

Get another drink, but that’s probs not a great idea

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? 

Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods? 

Sweet

124: Bright or dim lights? 

Dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? 

No

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: 

I can’t reblog ads. Some of those ads are really, REALLY funny.

127: Something you love about Tumblr: 

Completely anonymous. I could be anyone. For all you know, I’m actually Mike Pence. (I promise I’m not)

128: What do you think about the least? 

Idk? There’s probably lots of stuff I’ve never thought about at all

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? 

Nothing, but I want there to be a little machine on top that looks like a parking meter, and when you put money in it you get wifi for an hour.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? 

Trump, most of the politicians in the states. I want to go to New York, and I can’t because y’all can’t get your shit together and kick this virus.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? 

My face. Not going to elaborate.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes, but only because I get yelled at if I don’t.

133: Computer or TV? 

Computer.

134: Do you like roller coasters? 

I used to. Then the back surgery and now I can’t anymore.

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? 

Motion sickness no, seasickness yes.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? 

Lobed.

137: Do you believe in karma? 

I believe that what you do will eventually come back to bite you in the ass, but I don’t believe in some cosmic force that balances the scales.

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? 

0. Not going to elaborate.

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? 

None. My name has always been Adele. The few people who tried to give me nicknames got shot down real quick.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? 

When I was little, yeah

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? 

Yes ma’am. For over a decade.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? 

Both at different times.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? 

Giving. I never know what to say when receiving.

144: What makes you angry 

A lot of things these days. Can’t think of anything specific. My sister, usually.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 

Two. I speak French and English.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? 

Boys.

147: Are you androgynous? 

Nope.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: 

My face. Not going to elaborate.

149: Favorite thing about your personality: 

My “take no shit” attitude.

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. 

Lin Manuel Miranda, Renee Elise Goldsberry, anyone from West Wing

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? 

Revolutionary America

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? 

I’ve been known to partake.

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] 

Nope. I’m forever alone.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? 

No. I have Asperger’s. No touching.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? 

No.

156: What embarrasses you? 

When I need to ask for help for really simple things because of my wheelchair or other disabilities. I hate it.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: 

The future, for reasons way too complex to write in a tumblr post.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: 

I convinced half my second grade class I was related to Elton John once. That was fun. They believed it for like 3 months.

159: How many people are you following? 

Hundreds.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 

I don’t even know how I would find that out.

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 

Right now, I have 12, but that’s because I’ve queued up the next 4 days HamiltonHungerGames. Usually, I have none. I don’t understand how people have drafts. When I feel like writing something on tumblr, I start a post, I end the post, I post it. I never use drafts

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 

??? Again, I have no idea how to find that information.

163: Last time you cried and why: 

I honestly don’t remember.

164: Do you have long or short hair? 

Usually long, but right now short. My mom decided to give me a covid haircut, and she does not understand the meaning of “Just a trim”.

165: Longest your hair has ever been: 

Down to my butt. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? 

Dislike. I’m not going to talk about it here, but if you’re really curious you can dm me.

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? 

Yes, because if we know where the universe and world came from, we can figure out where it’s headed. See the book Origins by Dan Brown.

168: Do you like to wear makeup? 

Not at all.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? 

I can barely stand on my feet for more than 30 seconds.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? 

Tried to.

Ok, this took me an hour and 45 minutes. I’m tired, I’m drunk, I’m going to regret this in the morning, I’m going to bed. Night y’all.

[dearericbittle]

Sterek masterpost

So, now that I’ve written 30 (!) Sterek fics, I figured it was about time that I made a masterpost of my stories. You can find the full list on my Tumblr as well!

Been here before and it just feels right (strangers tonight) - (T, 3.4k) Summary: Derek Hale was an awkward teenager, but he grew into himself. He grew out of that pulling pigtails phase. Shame that being reunited with his old crush brings it all back. Even worse: Stiles doesn’t even seem to recognize him. Or does he?

Better that I break the window (than miss what I should see) - (M, 9k) Summary: Someone opened Stiles’ window. But he’s all the way on the 7th floor - how the fuck did that happen? Spoiler alert: werewolves are real. And really hot.

Bring on the monsters (bring on the real world) - (E, 11.1k) Summary: He was supposed to be making an impression on Lydia, but instead he’s making fun of a terrible werewolf costume. To be fair, those mutton chops remind him of Michael J. Fox in the worst way, and the guy didn’t appear to be too offended. He was too busy smelling Stiles for some reason. He really shouldn’t have forgotten cologne.

but that’s just a first impression (I could be totally wrong) - (T, 2.9k) Summary: Derek is on a really awful blind date (Laura will pay for this). But the waiter is really cute.

The coolest wolf in the whole wide world - (T, 8.3k) Summary: Stiles is surprisingly good at being a wolf. Like, super good at control, loves the drama of making weird entrances, and determined to try all the things. Because he has to find out what’s different about being a wolf. And Derek is going to be his Yoda, whether he wants to or not. Only Stiles is pretty sure Yoda never smelled this good.

Detective Stiles Stilinski and the Case of Derek Hale’s Mysterious Mate - (T, 5.6k) Summary: Mates are a thing. A werewolf thing. Which is fine and shit, but finding out that Derek fucking Hale has a mate? That gets to him. And seeing as Derek won’t tell him who it is, well… Guess that means this is a job for Detective Stiles Stilinski - if he’s not too distracted by his traditional banter with Derek.

Everything mixed up (and baked in a beautiful pie) - (T, 6/6, 42k) Summary: Stiles’ friends are more of a pain in the ass than usual around the holiday season. Just because he spends all of his time at his bakery, doesn’t mean he’s unhappy. So hiring a fake boyfriend seems like the perfect, simple solution. Instead Stiles stumbles onto a stupid quest to make Derek Hale happy. But surely that will all work out in time.

Fit hot guys have problems too (don’t objectify us with your male and female gaze) - (T, 1.7k) Summary: To Cora, 1:24 AM: im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect?? Derek is tired of being objectified. Enter Stiles Stilinski, hot mess who has an opinion about everything. Derek is surprisingly intrigued.

Gymnophoria - (T, 0.9k) Summary: Stiles is paranoid - he keeps feeling someone’s eyes on him. Surprisingly, no nefarious plans happen.

He got lost in my DMs (wanna be way more than friends) - (T, 2.8k) Summary: Derek is somewhat of an online hero, providing candid pictures of himself to anyone who wants persistent suitors to just go away already. Stiles… is suddenly surrounded by assholes who apparently really want to hear about how great his fake boyfriend is. Part 1 of Slide into those DMs

Heard you were tough (but you don’t look it) - (T, 3.6k) Summary: Derek is a protective Alpha, and whenever he sees a human in danger, he has to step in. Usually people are grateful. This guy? Not so much. 3 times Derek saves that ungrateful magic user’s life, and 3 times the ungrateful asshole saved his in return

Here we are two strangers (with nothing but this little spark) - (T, 6k) Summary: Stiles is only at this masquerade party for revenge. Theo Raeken has taken everything from him, and this is the only way he can get close enough to ruin his fucking life. He gets sidetracked by a mysterious stranger who’s looking for revenge of his own. Maybe they can help each other…

I might never be (your knight in shining armor) - (T, 2.9k) Summary: So, in Stiles’ defence, he didn’t actually know that the woman harassing the dude-sel in distress was an actual witch. Or that the dude in question was an Alpha werewolf who claimed to be able to handle himself. Stiles agrees to disagree on that one.

I take this magnetic force of a man (to be my lover) - (T, 6k) Summary: Derek is pretty happy with the mate he’s somehow chosen, even though Stiles has no idea - and no interest in Derek. But that’s fine. Except Peter just has to open his big mouth, because he clearly wants to ruin Derek’s life. Part 2 of Laura Hale is the best Alpha

I’d be a fearless leader (I’d be an Alpha type) - (T, 7.8k) Summary: Most teenagers would run off if they found a bleeding half-wolf, half-lady with red eyes snarling at them. But Stiles’ fight or flight response has always been a little fucked, and Laura Hale looks like she could use a break. Part 1 of Laura Hale is the best Alpha

I’m gonna light a spark (gonna hold my breath until the morning) - (T, 2.5k) Summary: Derek hates the bus, hates how people use it as an excuse to sit close to him and bat their eyelashes at him. And then this stranger who smells like home just falls asleep on his lap.

Lie under different stars (I’ve not seen you in the flesh for so long) - (T, 3,4k) Summary: In which Laura Hale is a queen of holding on to childhood mementos and seeing things her brother won’t, and Derek Hale rediscovers his love of Mischief.

The man who’s gonna marry you (make you feel alive) - (T, 4.2k) Summary: Only Finstock could marry the wrong people. Only Greenberg could fill out the papers wrong, but Finstock didn’t even check. It was like he wanted Stiles to be married to Derek Hale. And no one would want that, except maybe… Stiles.

No more dark sad lonely (k)nights - (T, 2k) Summary: Derek is an Alpha without an emissary, so his nosy betas made sure he attended the convention. Stiles is clearly in the wrong convention hall, because his Batman cosplay does not appear to be going over well.

Old you in the garbage (new you in display case) - (T, 13.4k) Summary: Stiles is lonely and desperate and suffering from a crush on the grumpiest librarian. So what’s a boy to do but cook up a ridiculous plan to get himself dated and/or finally get laid before the holidays? He just wants his She’s All That moment, okay? He never expected that the plan would actually help him get the guy.

Real life isn’t a movie (life doesn’t make narrative sense) - (M, 11.6k) Summary: Somehow accidentally insulting a hot guy in a coffee shop leads to pretending to be his boyfriend in front of a house full of werewolves. Stiles Stilinski is living his best life and making the most of his Hallmark movie moment.

Shoot your shot when you see em (he’s already in my DMs) - (T, 3.9k) Summary: Derek may or may not be falling in love with one of Laura’s employees, and he’s only ever spoken to him on the phone. Stiles doesn’t even know his name! But apparently, he does know how to slide into his DMs. Part 2 of Slide into those DMs

Some Cupid kills with arrows (some with mistletoe) - (T, 9.5k) Summary: It’s the same thing every time. Derek Hale comes home, the town is in a snit, and Stiles Stilinski polishes his metaphorical armor and gets ready for a battle of wits. Not that he considers Derek’s comments particularly witty. Their friends are just tired of the sexual tension and the rampant egos, and they’re ready to do something about it.

Such great heights (corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces) - (T, 3.3k) Summary: In which everyone in the pack is together and alive, because fuck canon. In which Stiles is surprised that Derek’s super hearing fails him. He just wants to know how tall Derek is, why is that such a big deal?

Teach me how to thrive (i was a loser just like you) - (T, 4.9k) Summary: Scott was cool now - the Squip had made sure of that. Stiles? Not so cool. All he has left are his cryptic conversations with perpetually wasted Derek Hale as he desperately tries to get an evil computer chip from taking over Beacon Hills.

We were young once (innocent and fun once) - (T, 5,3k) Summary: So maybe making Lydia jealous is just an excuse for him to finally talk to Derek Hale - it’s been ten years and clearly that high school crush is not over. There’s just a lot more to Derek than he was expecting.

We’ll put on a show (Scotty has to know) - (T, 7.7k) Summary: Stiles is a stubborn asshole, determined to have fun in Europe even though Scott stays behind in Belgium because of a girl. So asking a stranger to make out with him for the ‘Gram? Totally the best decision he’s ever made, and not just because that’ll totally show Jackson (and Scott!). Shame he won’t see the guy again, though.

What it looks like to forget (it’s easier that way) - (T, 4.9k) Summary: He has no idea who he is, but the stranger with the whiskey eyes is calling him Derek. And the guy has been sitting at his bedside for three days, so he’s got some credit. Especially because the guy smells like he should be his - though that is a supremely weird thought that he probably needs to figure out first.

You want forgiveness (I’ll give that to you) - (T, 2.8k) Summary: Derek is running from the Alpha, suffering from wolfsbane poisoning and he’s clearly losing it. Why else would he be seeing his mother - and everyone else he might as well have killed himself. But Stiles can’t just let him get what he deserves. Stiles never leaves him behind, even when he should.

You’re moving me around you (I said darling hold me) - (T, 14,5k) Summary: Derek is the only beta in a pack of two, blaming himself for the loss of their entire family. When his sister pays someone to get him used to human contact again, Derek preps himself for a couple unwilling handshakes before he kicks the stranger out of his den. Stiles is… not what Derek expected.

[cassiemortmain]

New Year...

Fair to say, I have mixed emotions on this New Year’s Day, 1 January 2020.

On the one hand, things are looking positive for me, personally and professionally.  So that’s good. :)  I’m setting some goals below the cut.

But on the other hand - you’ve probably heard about the terrible bushfires ravaging Australia right now - which according to the experts are the worst in our recorded history.  (Whatever our so-called Prime Minister may say.) 

Five million hectares of land have been burnt across the country so far - bigger than Belgium and Luxembourg combined.   Hundreds of homes have been destroyed, and several lives have been lost (there are a few people unaccounted for as we speak, so this number could go up).  Not to mention the millions of animals killed in the fires.  Here in Sydney, the smoke is back, and the sun is an eerie orange colour.  All of which makes for a sobering start to the year.

So with that in mind... here’s my reflection on the year to come for me.

As those of you who’ve been following me for a while may know - one of my biggest challenges is being interested in too many things.  It means I am always having ideas about what I want to do, but that my follow through is not great a lot of the time.

So this year, I am taking some advice from a book I read in the last 12 months, called The Renaissance Soul, by Barbara Lobenstine.  A perfect book for someone like me, whose favourite role model is actually Leonardo da Vinci!

The author made the Eureka-moment point that, for someone like me, choosing to take action on something feels like giving up on something else.  Which really explains why I often end up doing nothing, for fear of choosing = losing, and on the flip side because having everything to choose from is overwhelming (the dreaded ‘analysis paralysis’).

She comes up with the idea of a middle way - the focal point - which breaks this cycle.  She uses the analogy of going into an icecream shop and choosing a four-flavour sampler - which I’d eat while I was in the shop.  If I liked it, I could choose the same sampler again, next time I visit - or, I can choose any other flavours I want.  The key is that this is not a ‘forever’ choice - it’s a choice, but only for a while, meaning I don’t lose anything by making it.

So - using this idea - she suggests coming up with four (or so) key interests that I want to focus on for now, knowing I can change them down the road depending on how things go.  A very powerful idea for me.  And here they are to start the year...

- decluttering our place

- doing more creative writing

- sleeping better

- enjoying the arts

I’m nominating one action for January in each of these areas to get me started:

- trying the Marie Kondo method and starting with decluttering my clothes

- writing every day

- meditating every day

- seeing at least one movie (at the cinema, not at home), theatre performance or other cultural event, with Mr CM or a friend or family member to keep me accountable

I’ll set up a tracker so I can log my successes and encourage myself to keep going.  Wish me luck!

Finally - to all my lovely followers and friends - wishing you a safe and happy 2020.  Look forward to sharing it with you! *hug*

[nyaheum]

My Eurovision 2019 Ranking

Info: I grouped some lower places together, simply because I really dislike some songs and have no strong opinion on some others. This is basically five groups of songs I didn’t like or don’t care about too much and then a top sixteen ranking.

41 to 34) Songs I really, really don’t like at all.

Germany [S!sters - Sister] - This song actually isn’t that bad. It’s alright. I’m just mad that it won the national contest, because we had two much better songs competing - or at least I thought they were much better. I also think it’s a bit weird that they call themselves ‘Sisters’ even though they’ve only known each other for a few months (if I remember correctly)

Czech Republic [Lake Malawi - Friend Of A Friend] - I’m sure there’s a lot of people who really like this song, because they usually like the music that’s on the radio and such. I really dislike this song. It annoys me so much. I also dislike his talking-part a lot...also the high pitched voice in the chorus? I just really dislike everything about this, honestly. (Especially considering I loved Mikolas’ song last year.) The video is kinda cool, but that doesn’t matter live.

Slovenia [Zala Kralj & Gasper Santl - Sebi] - This will sound weird, but the music video looks like those russian meme-y ones. Apart from that, there’s not enough happening here for me. It’s straight up boring. Usually, I’m into songs sung in the native language, but...I guess this song has a message, but I don’t get it because I don’t speak Slovene, and therefore I’m left with a pretty boring song where I can’t even concentrate on the lyrics.

Denmark [Leonora - Love Is Forever] - First of all: why is she partly singing in French? (Language of love, and she’s also saying some stuff in other languages, I know - but still). Second of all: the way she’s looking at the camera for the first thirty seconds is making me incredibly uncomfortable. Third of all: It’s a pretty boring love song. Meh. The only thing I like is the fact that she’s sitting there next to a guy AND a girl, but I might just be interpreting a bit too much into that.

Moldova [Anna Odobescu - Stay] - This is the kind of song I’d turn off the radio for. The music video also has this very weird slow motion thing going on which is very distracting and very ridiculous. It makes no sense too - I’m speaking about the guy who leaves his turned on car here. What’s up with him. Oh, and the song is a break-up song, oh no. Her vocals are pretty nice, although there’s some parts near the end where she sounds very weird and I really dislike that.

Lithuania [Jurij Veklenko - Run With The Lions] - On the one hand, the song it pretty interesting. In theory. On the other hand, I really don’t like his voice? It sounds pretty strained on the high parts. And, after the chorus is over for the first time, I feel like the song loses it’s appeal. The first time, the pitch changes are interesting, but the second time, they just seem a bit...meh. I also don’t want to run with lions, as they tend to be kinda dangerous, but thank you anyway, Jurij.

North Macedonia [Tamara Todevska - Proud] - Listen, the message of the song is definitely something good. Doesn’t change the fact that I dislike the song though. There’s not a lot happening and I feel compared to the ‘epicness’ of the music, her voice is a bit...uninteresting. Don’t get me wrong, she has a good, strong voice, but I feel like it doesn’t really fit with the instrumental. I like the music video, because there’s definitely a lot of different women shown, but I’m unsure how she wants to show this live on stage. (The wind blowing is also a bit much for me.).

Montenegro [D mol - Heaven] - Nothing Montenegro does will ever be as good as Slavko in 2017 - other than that, it’s a love song. Yay. It’s pretty boring. I don’t really hate it, which is why it’s right at the bottom of this category, but I also can’t get myself to like it. Usually, I really love string instruments in modern songs, but the cello in this...sounds off to me. (I’m no musician, so I wouldn’t know for sure, but I personally just dislike it here).

33 and 32) Songs I dislike, but not passionately.

San Marino [Serhat - Say Na Na Na] - I’m always here for San Marino doing weird shit, but this is weird in all the wrong ways. Serhat and his accent are creeping me out, honestly. I also feel like he’s twenty years older than any woman in this video. I also feel like this song had potential, but it just straight up vanished sometime during the creative process. The lyrics are weird too, but I don’t hate it. I can listen to it...once.

Norway [KEiiNO - Spirit In The Sky] - Usually, this would be the kind of song I’d at least put in my Top 20, but there’s something about it I dislike. I can’t even pinpoint exactly what it is, I’m just not here for it.

31 to 26) Songs I don’t care about, in a negative way.

United Kingdom [Michael Rice - Bigger Than Us] - Oh, UK. Back with the generic songs I cannot like because I’m not a big fan of generic songs. It’s alright - his voice is nice, even though it feels like it’s lacking a bit during the chorus? It just sounds like the Instrumental is overpowering him a bit live. At this point, I have also seen the “#ScotlandIsNow”-Ad ten times and am fed up with the UK.

Serbia [Nevena Bozovic - Kruna] - It’s a ballad. Yay. Ballads are boring, I feel like everyone who isn’t the Jury can agree on that. She has a nice voice, which is why I don’t really mind the song - but I wouldn’t add it to my Spotify-Playlist.

Estonia [Victor Crone - Storm] - It’s a guy with medium length hair and a guitar! Hide your sons and daugthers! But in all seriousness, I don’t care about this song either. It’s something I’d hear in the radio and wouldn’t skip, but I would think “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind it to be over now, thanks.”. 

Latvia [Carousel - That Night] - She sounds like a german actress whose name I can’t remember right now, that’s all I can think about. Well, apart from the fact that the songs feels pretty generic. To be honest, it sounds a bit like Eurovision 2014 (except for France, Armenia, Iceland (y’all, Pollapönk was so good) and Poland). Yeah.

Sweden [John Kundvik - Too Late For Love] - I like the Gospel-thing he has going on, but I don’t like the song itself. I’m just not a fan of songs where the pre-chorus is slower than the rest of the song when they immediately continue singing in the chorus? It’s weird to describe, but a lot of songs do this and I basically dislike all of them.

Croatia [Roko - The Dream] - I actually don’t like this song at all. But I love his goddamn wings, so I tolerate it. I’m a huge supporter of weird Eurovision and this is definitely what I needed this year. We always need someone in a weird costume. (Like vampire-opera-man from Romania in 2013.)

25 to 21) Songs I don’t care about, period.

Finland [Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman - Look Away] - I’m all here for the meme, but nothing more. The stage performance looks really cool, but I couldn’t care less about the song. There’s not much happening, and the drop is...lacking, at best.

Belgium [Eliot - Wake Up] - Catch me scroll through my phone during the whole duration of this song. It’s a good background noise, but I don’t particularly like it. I’m also still bitter Belgium didn’t win in 2015; they haven’t made it up to me yet when it comes to songs, and this one definitely doesn’t help either.

Austria [PAENDA - Limits] - There’s literally only one things I can say about this whole song: meh. (No, really, I have no feelings towards this song.)

Netherlands [Duncan Laurence - Arcade] - I like the floating-naked-underwater-aesthetic, but I don’t think he can do this live on stage... Song wise, I don’t really care - it’s somewhat nice - I like the start of the chorus, the short ‘boom’-moment, but that’s pretty much it.

Israel [Kobi Marimi - Home] - Okay, I’ll admit it’s hard to follow chicken dances and an absolute party on stage. But I don’t think a very slow song is the right choice. I definitely like his voice and he reminds me of someone so much, but I can’t think of the name. Generally, it’s pretty nice, but I wouldn’t vote for it.

20 to 17) Songs that are alright, but nothing more.

Belarus [ZENA - Like It] - It’s modern with a very very slight traditional touch, which I like, but the song doesn’t really go further for me. I feel like it should qualify for the final, but shouldn’t place high. At least it’s something modern...

Poland [Tulia - Fire of Love (Pali sie)] - It’s a bit weird, but I like it, I guess. I’m not sure if I like it, to be honest. I need to hear this one live. Depending on the live performance, this one could go up a few places or down a lot. It’s borderline annoying me, so it’s pretty hard actually judging this. I like the general sound of the song though. (There’s something about this music video that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I don’t know what it is. Might just me being me.)

Georgia [Oto Nemsadze - Sul tsin iare] - He looks so grim, oh my god. I really like his voice, which is why he’s in this category, because I don’t really like the song all that much. It’s alright, definitely, and it might warm up to me - this type of song usually does - but currently I’m undecided.

Ireland [Sarah McTernan - 22] - It’s definitely alright. I mean, it’s still a love song, but most songs are, and at least this one has some things happening. The chorus is pretty catchy, although I was waiting for a bit more after the build-up.

16) Romania [Ester Peony - On A Sunday] - That music video is so confusing - when I first saw snippets from it, I thought it was a stage performance. The song itself is confusing me too - it’s weird, so I like it (like most songs from Romania, tbh) but it’s nearly a bit too much for me? I need to see this live, but so far, I’m optimistic about this one. 

15) Greece [Katerine Duska - Better Love] - I’m so here for the aesthetic. I really like her voice, it has this slight twang to it that I really like. I like that it’s very obvious outside of the chorus, but absent during the chorus. It gives the song in itself a nice contrast. Generally, it’s not exciting enough for my Top 10, but I definitely like it.

14) Albania [Jonida Maliqi - Ktheju tokes] - She’s singing in her native language, which is always a big plus for me. The song is a bit creepy and it has something I always call “ancient”, because I can’t describe it better. It sounds like they might’ve sung it a while back, only with a modern twist. Which means I automatically like it. (It’s also giving me strong 1944 (the song) vibes, just putting this out there.)

13) Azerbaijan [Chingiz - Truth] - And here we have our second guy floating through the water. I’m noticing a theme here. Both video and song are really weird for me here, and I cannot quite place why I like this, but I do. I’m pretty sure this will drop a bit once I hear it live though - I feel like it will be hard to not be overpowered by the music with the high voice he’s singing in during the chorus. He might surprise me though, so I’m placing the song here.

12) Hungary [Joci Pápai - Az én apám] - I was really happy when I heard he’d return, and although I actually prefer his first Eurovision song to this one, this is by no means bad. It’s actually pretty good, I definitely enjoy it. Bonus points for native language yet again; also, his voice is amazing, but I knew that already. I really like the whistling part in this.

11) Cyprus [Tamta - Replay] - Cyprus realized that they did something right last year and are sending another fun party song. I liked Fuego more than this one, although they sound pretty similar. The beat in this is pretty great though. (I feel like the thing I really liked about Fuego was Eleni’s hair, a department in which Tamta can’t compete, but...oh well. She looks so good for 38 btw.) 

TOP 10

10) Spain [Miki - La Venda] - Another fun song! You might notice I prefer these over the ballads a lot. This song really feels like summer - it basically sounds like Spain. I really like this for no deep reason - it’s just fun to listen to. Spain also deserves some love in Eurovision.

9) Switzerland [Luca Hänni - She Got Me] - Okay, so, as a German, I know who Luca Hänni is. He’s the only singer I’ve heard something about before the competition. And I wasn’t expecting anything. But hey, our boy grew up, didn’t he? I like this song quite a bit, for some reason. I feel like it’s been on the radio over here before and I’ve been conditioned to like it, but I can live with that. I also like his suit. I want it. (I’m also a sucker for dance sequences, so if they put that into the live performance, I might even move this up a bit. I’m sold.).

8) Portugal [Conan Osiris - Telemóveis] - Portugal thought: "Okay, we had a very heartfelt, serious song with minimal stage performance. We don’t want that anymore.” So they glued some spoons on a guys face, put him and his platonic male friend into feather suits and made them dance. As I said, I’m fully here for weird Eurovision, and I love traditional-ish songs, so I’m very into this. I actually really like the song, all jokes aside. This might actually be one of my Top Three stage performances. I just hope they qualify so I can see them in all their glory in the final. (Them and all their silverware.)

7) Australia [Kate Miller-Heidke - Zero Gravity] - I have complicated feelings towards this song. It’s very clearly inspired by Estonias song last year - only that they made it more modern. I actually really enjoy the first two minutes of the song. If it was just that, I would’ve been inclined to put it in my Top Three. But then there’s the last minute. It’s way too many different voices and different music at once. I feel like it doesn’t quite fit. I’m still hoping they’ll fix that part for the semi-finals, because I really can’t stand it. 

6) Armenia [Srbuk - Walking Out] - This song is the kind of music I usually listen to in my free time, so I obviously like it. I’m also really into the aesthetic. I just feel like the chorus could’ve used a bit more drama. Especially a different “drop” - they already did the pause before it, they might as well commit to it fully. Otherwise, I really like this. (And damn, those trumpets(?) were made for me.)

5) Malta [Michela - Chameleon] - I really have a soft spot for Malta. I’m just really glad to have a real party song among ballads and sad songs. I might be influenced by the music video here because I really like lyrics on screen by default, but we’ll see how this song sounds live. Depending on that, it might move down. (I feel like this will either do really well or really bad though.)

4) Russia  [Sergey Lazarev - Scream] - Okay, I loved his song back in 2016, so I am, again, biased, but I like it. It’s not quite as catchy as some of his other songs, but his voice sounds really good in this. I also really hope they will incorporate the imagery from the music video into the live performance, because it’s really nice.

3)  France [Bilal Hassani - Roi] - At first, I didn’t like this song at all, but it really warmed up to me. He has a nice voice - I only hope he can fully show it live, because I already felt that the music video version sounded a lot better than the live version I saw. But the chorus of this song is stuck in my head. I also love the mixture of English and French - especially because it’s full sentences in both languages, and not only single words. (I can’t stand that.). I’m probably biased here because I speak French, so I understand everything (as opposed to the Slovene song for example) but...damn, I really like this song. (It took me really long to realize that his hair was a wig, by the way. I just thought he naturally had Jeffree Star hair.)  

2) Iceland [Hatari - Hatrið mun sigra] - I can’t really explain myself here. This song is absolute madness and I’d be surprised if it survived through the semi-final. But they might surprise us and do what Lordi did before them. Honestly, it’s really refreshing Eurovision-wise and I’m so here for the Icelandic-metal-screaming. And yes, it’s another aesthetic-thing here. I just can’t help myself. (I’m also hearing “Aufstehen” in the end and I’m just wondering if that means “Stand up” in Icelandic...)

1) Italy [Mahmood - Soldi] - Honestly, Mahmood has no contest for me. This song is everything I ever wanted and more. It’s way too good for Eurovision, if that makes sense. There’s just nothing that bothers me about this song. The chorus sounds so incredibly good and the live vocals I heard from him sound so stable? I really hope they won’t do Italy dirty like they did with Occidentali’s Karma. This song is just way too good to go to waste on lower places. Did I mention I absolutely love this song? Oh, and native language bonus, of course! As if I could love this song any more.