#“surprise adoption” but not as a euphemism for kidnapping

[thatforgottenbasilisk]

"surprise adoption" but not as a euphemism for kidnapping, dabi's just kinda dense okay

Words: 2126 (AO3)

Summary:

Todoroki Touya has Three siblings. No more, no less.

Toga Himiko is not one of them. He's kind of confused on why she seems to think she is.

For Whumptober 2023 Day 20, Prompt #2: Found Family

"Okay, but let's say, hypothetically, that we're not doing that and also you're stupid." Touya hears Tomura's childish nattering coming from the beanbag, followed by a loud sound that can only be described as 'mocking' in Himiko's even more childish voice, emanating from the couch. He already has a migraine and it's not even noon yet.

Still, despite said migraine, Touya pinches the bridge of his nose and butts in anyway. "Do I want to know what you're bitching about now?" he asks, only for that to be the wrong fucking question for his migraine, because Tomura and Himiko both decide that they should start yelling over each other at the maximum possible volume in response.

"If you two don't shut up, I will turn around and leave." Touya threatens, and the both of them dutifully shut up. God, it's like Fuyumi and Natsuo all over again. "Now. Crazy, what's Crusty vetoing?" The others have all grown used to his cheap-shot nicknames, enough so it barely gets a rise out of any of them. Unfortunate.

Himiko's twin buns pop up over the back of the couch, just before the rest of her torso appears, propped up on the couch by locked elbows and fingernails that would dig gouge marks in a weaker piece of furniture. "You know how the Commission is terrible and mean to Hawksie?" She asks innocently, and Touya already knows where this is going. Their three-timing birdie was supposed to be a spy from the HPSC, except those assholes suck so bad that their rat turned tail on them the first chance he got- so now, instead of Hawks being a mole for those assholes, he's their stool pigeon in exchange for as much freedom as they can get him.

"Yes, I also want to kill them for him, but Tomura's got a point. It's a lot of risk for a little reward, especially considering we can kill them with less risk if we wait 'til we've got more firepower." Touya tries to get Himiko off the immediate murder-train, figuring that she's probably more impulsive because they're low on her blood supply and she never says anything when that happens. He also has no idea if Tomura actually said anything about the idea besides an outright denial and an insult, but for both of their sakes he'll pretend that he did.

Himiko groans, and pushes herself even further forward, elbows still locked, so that she ends up staring at the floor and hanging halfway over the back of the couch. Touya would be concerned for her health and well-being and most pertinently the possibility of her falling face-first onto the floor, except that she's done worse things on that couch and not injured herself so far, so his concern has mostly been replaced by what he's internally coined the 'Fuyumi Principle.'

The Fuyumi Principle was so named because many, many years ago, when he'd been seven and Fuyumi had been six, she'd already needed glasses in order to see almost anything. Since she was also six, she often refused to wear her glasses unless she absolutely had to, which led her to stand far too close to things in order to see them properly instead of just putting her damned glasses on. At first, Touya had been worried that she'd wind up in a precarious situation because of it- he'd been seven, so his go-to thoughts were that she'd accidentally stand in quicksand or something- but whenever he or their parents tried to get her to just wear her glasses, she'd refuse. That is, she refused until about a week before her seventh birthday, when she'd been excitedly looking at cakes in the bakery without being able to read the sign at the top that said not to get too close to the glass. Her nose was practically touching the display when a worker, one who wasn't quite paying attention, opened the case from the front in order to take something out of it.

The glass was flipped up, and it caught Fuyumi directly in the face and bruised her nose so much that she thought it broke. Touya had laughed hysterically, because he'd told her that this would happen a dozen times before and she had never listened. Thus, the Fuyumi Principle- if he told someone they were going to get hurt doing something and they get hurt doing it anyway, it's just fucking funny.

"What if we just kill one of them, though? Like, the President or something. Hawksie keeps talking about her and how mean she is, and we'd be able to kill her way easier than any of his Handlers! She's super public! All I'd have to do is get the blood of one of her guards, and boom! Done-zo!" Himiko picks herself back up in her excitement over her own plan, and to be fair, it's not a bad plan. If Touya were sure that they could get away with it without anyone knowing it was them, then he'd be behind it a hundred percent- except that Himiko's quirk is very well-known, and very distinctive. Anyone would be able to tell that it was the League who killed Madam President, including Hawks' Handlers, who may or may not know the details of his assignment to spy on them.

There's probably some kind of fail-safe, somewhere, just in case they do try anything against that woman. Madam President is pragmatic, much more than the last HPSC President he remembers his father complaining about on the phone sometimes, so she's likely not the only person who knows about all her plans and dirty dealings. If it were him, he'd have a small inner circle of people, each one knowing some-but-not-all of his secret projects, so that if he were to die unexpectedly they could each keep up his work and take any appropriate revenge without any of them individually having too much power while he's still alive. That may be the approach that Madam President is taking, considering what he's gotten relayed from Hawks about the way she thinks.

So, Touya sighs in disappointment, and vetoes that, too. "Sorry, kid, but we don't know if they'll take it out on the bird for not stopping us or whatever."

"But he can't hear us! He has no way of knowing about our plans!" Himiko argues, and Touya bites the inside of his lip to keep from telling her about the myriad of feathers around the base, including the one he always keeps in his pocket, and how Hawks' quirk lets him hear out of every single one of them. Hawks can hear them talking right now, though whether or not he's paying any attention is up for debate.

"Do you think they give a rat's ass about that?" Touya shoots back, and Himiko finally crosses her arms and slides down into the seat of the couch.

"No..." She mumbles dejectedly, and Touya knows he's won. Suddenly, he remembers the other troublemaker in the room, and glances over to the beanbag where Tomura was yelling from a moment ago.

Tomura's still sitting there, but now he's got his earbuds plugged into his Switch and is paying absolutely zero attention to his surroundings. Touya contemplates interrupting him just to be an asshole, but ultimately decides against it.

"Guess who brought doughnuts!" There's a shout from the door, and speak of the devil, Hawks himself comes marching in, box of doughnuts in hand. Himiko perks up again, Tomura's earbuds have magically disappeared, and there's a lot of clamoring from upstairs from everyone else who heard the yell. Hawks opens the box with a dramatic flourish, and grabs a big jelly-filled doughnut from the middle. Himiko runs up to him, and he wordlessly points to the doughnut in the corner, which Touya knows was probably filled with a special kind of jelly with blood and some other product, just so it doesn't taste like a meat pastry, so that it's friendly to people with blood-based quirks. Hawks has been going to that specific bakery for a while now, purely because it caters to the needs of people like Himiko, and Touya doesn't like just how much that makes him want to kiss Hawks senseless every time he thinks about the things he does like that.

Touya leisurely walks over to where Hawks is putting the box down on the coffee table, and Hawks keeps eating his doughnut like it'll explode any minute- which, to be fair, it probably will, that bakery does tend to overfill their jelly doughnuts- and silently points to Touya's chocolate cake doughnut, that Hawks must have specifically requested they put caramel on because Touya just recently found out that they don't sell chocolate caramel doughnuts even though that's what Hawks gets him every fucking time.

He loves this man. He'll kill anyone who hears him say it aloud.

Hawks finishes his doughnut while everyone else fights over the rest of the box. He only gets special doughnuts for Himiko and Touya- blood quirk and boyfriend privileges respectively- and gets a random assortment for the rest of them to bite each other over like the feral fucking gremlins they are. He isn't even exaggerating, Spinner's got a scar on his wrist from Tomura really digging his fuckin' teeth in over a chocolate sprinkle doughnut. Kudos to Spinner, he kept ahold of the damn thing, but at what cost?

There are no chocolate sprinkle doughnuts today, which is probably for the best if Hawks wants to avoid a bloodbath, but it's still slightly disappointing to the part of Touya that craves violence. Maybe he should go out recruiting again, that'll sate the bloodlust for a bit. Soon, there is only a sad lemon-filled doughnut that Kurogiri will claim at some point in the next hour, and Touya's demons are satiated for the time being.

Himiko licks her fingers of powdered sugar- somehow she was the winner of the most doughnuts today, a crown that usually goes to Compress- and decides to live her truth and say something absolutely cursed, probably to make up for how much stuff she was saying earlier that Touya fundamentally agreed with.

"I wish you were my brother instead of Dabi." She pouts, and if Touya were drinking something he'd have choked. Hawks, who was drinking from a water bottle a moment ago, does choke, and Touya's still too gobsmacked to laugh at the spit-take.

"When did I become your brother, exactly? Last I checked, you did not grow up in my house and I did not grow up in yours." Touya asks Himiko, who just giggles. Giggles! Like she hasn't just thrown all of his mental comparisons between her and a younger and thus more chaotic Fuyumi into a whole new light! What the fuck!

"You know what I mean. You call me Crazy but you'd torch anyone else who tries it, you get bitchy at me when I don't tell you about how much blood isn't in the freezer, you're my brother and you're stuck with me. Also, you and Hawksie can't both be my brother because then by the transitive property you'd be brothers with each other, and I'm not gonna be the one who makes it weird." Himiko nods to herself at the end of her rant, and plops back down at her old spot on the couch like she's just said something that everyone else is already aware of.

... Nobody else is reacting at all except for Hawks. What? What does this mean?

"Okay, disregarding the accusations of transitive property incest- " Touya interrupts Hawks with a loud and disgusted choking noise " -Is that really what siblings are like?" Hawks is out here asking the wrong fucking questions.

Himiko, an only child, shrugs. "I think so. I had friends with siblings and they were like that." Mr. Compress, a man who could not be more clearly an only child, nods in agreement.

Spinner pipes up with a horrible, "As a middle child with multiple siblings, I can concur. That's what older brothers are like. I'm sorry, Dabi, but you're a brother now." He nods solemnly, and Touya resists the urge to scream.

"First of all, I'm already a brother and I already have a little sister, thank you. Second of all, you declared me your brother and then immediately disowned me? Ungrateful!" Touya's just decided to shelve his crisis for later and be an asshole now. Maybe he is Himiko's weird pseudo-brother, now he thinks on it. He pulled this shit on Fuyumi and Natsuo all the time as a kid.

There's a sudden uproar at the possibility that "Dabi revealed a personal information," and Touya gives up and goes the fuck to his room.

[ctl-yuejie]

For the untamed ask game 5, 8, 10, 17, 16, 19, 21 35, 46 and 55

5. Biggest WTF momentThe golden core reveal in the book! ( read it before the drama so I don’t know how much I’d have been surprised without prior knowledge watching the scene in the series). Maybe I didn’t pay enough attention, but from what I remember I wasn’t even sure that Wei Wuxian had lost his Golden Core at that point. So I was extremely shocked by the reveal and also very excited because it made his past actions much more understandable and his dynamic with both Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji got even more interesting. 

8. Most Confusing Part In The Storyon my first read i had a hard time remembering all characters so i think i zoned out a lot when the story didn’t focus on wangxian, so not necessarily a particular part of the story that confused me but i was just not paying enough attention. also: the timeline is random af.

10. Favourite Fanfic Set-Up Uhhhh!!! I love me powerful Yiling Patriarch stories where he survives the second sunshot campaign and anything and everything that focuses on the Yunmeng brothers relationship after canon. Also: every fanfic about the WangXian family regardless of universe.some great “bamf!wei wuxian survives the second sunshot campaign and adopts everyone”

16. Favourite Habitwei wuxian talking non-stop about lan wangji after they’ve met. so much so that the whole jiang family (read: jiang cheng) is super annoyed by it.

17. Purer Cinnamon Role Than Wen Ning (sorry for all these typos in the ask game) hmmmm…Wen Ning is pretty much peak pure cinnamon roll, but from the younger generation Ouyang Zizhen might even out-perform him. sure he is loud and direct, but also doesn’t know how to act in most social situations because the world is such a happy place for him and did you know that Hanguang-Jun and Senior Mo are dating and they’re not as dramatic about it as I want them to be but still super cute, and wtf Hanguang-Jun is now married to the Yiling Patriarch and all my dreams have come true, i have no idea why Lan Qiren looks so constipated maybe that’s because of Jingyi…..19. Cinnamon Role Meme (4 Characters) 21. A Fanon You Like hmmmm….this is pretty much canon but WangXian adopting everyone and everything while roaming the country & Wei Wuxian managing to cultivate MO Xuanyu’s core.and the lan wangji played inquiry for 16 years fanon. not because i think lan wangji would try and bind wei wuxian’s spirit to him but more so to find out whether he’s at peace and at some point it becomes this tiny remembrance song he plays for wei ying once a year.

35. Who Is The Biggest Disaster many disasters in this one but maybe Jin Zixuan??? i think he is so lucky for Jiang Yanli to be persistent in her love for him and MianMian intervening to clear up some misunderstandings…left on his own he really is a sad disaster.

but there’s some tough competition from wei wuxian, jiang cheng, jinling and more…

46. Favourite Fanfic / A Fanfic You Want To Recommendprepare yourself! (if not stated otherwise it’s wangxian)

since then i am because you are by sarahyyy (very short, fluff, oblivious wei wuxian & marriage)

overcast by willowcatkin (middle-length, canon divergence, role revearsal, accidental child acquisition)

and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood (long fic, modern au with cultivation as an olympic sport, wangxian are competitors)

The (Several) Convenient Kidnappings of the Chief Cultivator by the Yiling Patriarch by misscam (short, some silly sexy fun)

your heart, two doors down by ficklish (middle-length, modern au, wangxian are neighbours, single parent! wei wuxian)

A Little Happiness by Suspicious_Popsicle (middle-length, post-canon, lan wangji turns into a child, everyone panics & wei wuxian just wants him to be happy)

asymptotic by chinxe (middle-length, canon divergence, lan wangji plays inquiry, that is how he encounters wei wuxian for the first time, beautiful but it also hurts)

transcendent by hyunbyun (short, wei wuxian is insecure about being in mo xuanyu’s body, domestic fluff)

Continuation by thefaceofno (long fic, post the untamed canon, hair brushing, some more pining but happy end)

i’d be all right (if i could just see you) byThirtySixSaveFiles (long fic, college au, wei wuxian is an idiot and takes lan wangji to a party)

Libation by BastetCG (middle-length, gods au, tentacle sex but in a very innovative way)

a lot can come from being in love with your captain bythefaceofno (long fic, part of a series, star trek au, various pairings, action & romance)

How Wei Ying Went from Oblivious Idiot to Shameless Boyfriend in Three Days by misscam (middle-length, college au, wei wuxian is oblivious but tries to be oh so helpful when lan wangji seems to have a crush on someone)

Adventures in Solitude by etymologyplayground (short, hurt/comfort, the untamed episode 16 canon divergence, lan wangji tries to come to the aid of yunmeng)

every time we kiss i swear i could fly by sarahyyy (short, kissing booth college au, lan wangji has a misunderstanding and is sad but all is well)

The Last Three Feet by etymologyplayground (middle-length, wangxian are oblivious, domestic downtime in cloud recesses with sizhui)

A Start on How by misscam (middle-lenght, college au, sleepovers!!, lan brother feels)

critical path analysis by chinxe (long fic, b99 au, hilarious perfection, it is scary how well the characters fit)

dirty politics by sarahyyy (short, politics au, wangxian are in a secret relationship but oh so wonderful together)

Rumor Doesn’t Have It (But Wei Wuxian Is Determined to Change That) by misscam (middle-length, post the untamed canon, everyone is weighing in on the relationship of the yiling patriarch and the chief cultivator, maybe wei wuxian should make some of the rumours come true)

Found Family by tulirepo (short, hurt/comfort, lan wangji finds ah-yuan on burial mounds, all the found family feels)

i want your heart to be for me by ThirtySixSaveFiles for sealdog (middle-lenght, wangxian soulmate au  but set in canon, usually not a soulmate au reader but the concept is tied in super nicely into the story here)

to recollect and long for by mme_anxious (middle-length, all the found family and ah-yuan feels, hurt/comfort)

Grand Pianos Crash Together by etymologyplayground (long fic, post canon, wangxian find back together: an epic)

grief; the stages of by synonemous (sussiekitten) (long fic, the whole story in a modern setting, stuck in early 2000 wei wuxian is hilarious)

Sleeping in Paradise by daiki (middle-length fic, thematic fic, wei wuxian survives the sunshot campaign, jiang yanli lives, jin rulan’s relationship to the mysterious sleeping person at lotus cove)

What Rests on Tea by Gotcocomilk (long fic, yunmeng feels, jiang yanli & jin zixuan live, inventor!wei wuian, some great hurt/comfort)

and i will go this way by detention_notes (long fic, post-canon, wangxian write each other letters, wei wuxian travels with lesbians and harrasses friends and family on his roadtrip)

Not Just Netflix and Chill (Or Lan Zhan’s Lack of Grasp of Euphemisms) by misscam (short, modern au, lan wangji is the cutest and wei wuxian is helplessly in love)

These Things Stay the Same by notevenyou (modern au, war zone/disaster zone journalist! wei wuxian, sizhui feels!!!!!)

works in progress (they are all very, very good)

a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (long, almost finished, arranged marriage to save the yiling patriarch, yunmeng bro feels)

Death of a Ghost by Gotcocomilk (long, wei wuxian materializes as a ghost after his death, major yunmeng feels, he raises all the children)

Flowers of Blood and Bone by Sakurafubuki (AriasOfSnow) (long, vampire/vampire hunter au, a lot of action, great world building, crafty!wei wuxian, vampire!lan wangji)

I will surrender (myself to this moment in time) by Naamah_Beherit (long, post-canon, wei wuxian wakes up in gusu but has no idea how he got there, angst (with promised happy ending), lan sizhui calling wei wuxian father feels, wei wuxian gets confronted by the darkness in his life)

Lying on the Edge of a Star by Suspicious_Popsicle (long, slow-burn, wei wuxian falls into young lan wangji’s courtyard who is falling fast and deep, pity that to wei wuxian humans are but a fleeting existence)

please forgive my most passionate disruptions by pumpkinpaix (scribogenesis) (long, modern college au, wei wuxian is a stripper, lan wangji binds himself by his family’s old customs, marvelous character study, all the lan/yunmeng/wen sibling feels)

The storm comes and goes (and I keep walking) by Naamah_Beherit (long, wei wuxian survives the second sunshot campaign and roams the country as a rogue cultivator, he adopts all the children)

55. A Story-Arc That Haunts Youdefinitely the yi city arc!!!! i both love and loath it because it is just so sad and horrible but also has some stunning visuals, wei wuxian being a badass kindergartner and some big reveals for the main plot.

The Untamed / MDZS ask game