#“probably not because he's away from home a lot” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

erwinsvow · 3 days ago

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𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐞 — 𝐚.𝐜.

summary: you take care of lena, clean up around the house, and always leave dinner for him when he gets home late. and among constant and never-ending change, you are andrew's northern star.

pairing: andrew cody x babysitter!reader

word count: 13.3k

warnings: read carefully! age-gap dynamics, reader is said to have recently graduated college, i basically ignore anything from the show that wouldn't make sense in my perfect little world. smut—arm humping, oral sex, penetration, the tiniest bit of breeding if you squint real hard.

author's note: and here she is. also known as shea wants to write about doing things to pope's arms.

you used to complain if someone called you their nanny. you’re just a babysitter. this would not—could not—be your full time job. it’s just so demanding. you love the kids you take care of but the idea of saying that you’re a nanny makes it a little more real. like you wouldn’t be able to get out of this, despite how hard you’re trying.

you just don’t want to be a babysitter forever.

but the first time mister cody introduces you as lena’s nanny, you don’t think you mind it all that much.

babysitters are temporary—girls in high school looking for money to pay for coffee and nail appointments, covering date-nights and overtime at the office.

nannies are permanent—it’s a career. you’re responsible for the kid pretty much twenty-four hours a day. kids with nannies are rich, mom and dad too busy at work to be at home. from the little you deduced, nannies buy groceries and make three meals. they go to doctor’s appointments and organize play-dates with other nannies.

you do some of those things for lena. her uncle tries to take her and pick her up from school when he can, and when he calls to tell you that he won’t be able to make it every now and then, he sounds so sorry about it, you don’t know what you can do to reassure him that it’s okay. lena’s young, she doesn’t care about stuff like that so deeply. and she likes you, which helps matters a lot.

you had finished the last few classes you needed to graduate a couple months ago. before that, you’d have to tell mister cody no, i’m sorry occasionally, something that you really didn’t like doing. he seemed like he had enough going on without the babysitter cancelling.

and besides, after you had told him that your classes were done, you were supposed to tell him that you would be looking for a real job, something with your degree, that he should start looking for a real nanny for lena. you were supposed to politely, yet firmly allude to how you’d been scrambling with classes, finishing assignments in the car in between picking up his niece and after she’d fallen asleep at night. how you missed an important lecture because the pediatrician’s office was running behind an hour and lena’s grandmother wasn’t available to take her.

instead, the second you had met his eyes (which were terribly green and incredibly sad), you had folded, and told him you’d be available whenever he needed. and you thought maybe that would garner you a smile—and you’d been wrong. he had looked your way for about five seconds, muttered thank you, and walked away.

and maybe if you could resist those terribly green and incredibly sad eyes, you wouldn’t have wound up as a full-time nanny. life could always be worse—that’s the motto you’ve grown up with. there are so many worse things in oceanside than spending every day in a pretty house by the beach and taking care of a quiet little girl.

if not anything else, you could start making payments on your student loans, if you wanted. mister cody paid you in cash, and he paid you way too much, probably his way of apologizing for how much you had stepped up in the last couple months. but again, you didn’t really mind anymore. maybe if it was another family, you would care more about finding a real job.

but you like lena. you like her uncle, too, you think, as much as you can like a man who is virtually silent and stares at you like he’s boring into your soul when you’re making dinner. you like him because he’s good with her, you can always tell he’s trying his absolute best, his hardest with her. (it doesn’t help that he’s cute—cute in the way that strays are, like you wish you could fix everything wrong with him and reassure him that he’s doing enough, and tell him to stop staring and just come tell you what he’s thinking instead.)

the first couple months were the hardest. lena wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping. she hated school, hated all the things she had still cared for when her dad was alive. you’d tried bribing her with trips to the beach, the playground, ice cream with extra fudge and sprinkles. all the things that kids liked. but she wasn’t just a normal kid—and it seemed that you and her uncle were the only ones who understood this.

you didn’t realize you had such a maternal instinct inside of you. maybe it’s because the other kids you’d babysat in your life had been brats, sticky handed toddlers going through the terrible twos and making your life hell while you were trying to pass your classes. lena is the opposite.

she’s the saddest child you’ve ever met, and you know nothing that you or her uncle do is going to fix it overnight.

but progress comes in stages. the first step had been getting her to want to eat again. you’d sat on the couch next to her, watching a nature documentary that her uncle had probably left playing on the tv.

(he is a whole other can of worms—he doesn’t sleep or eat that much either, and one time you had come in really early to get some work done before getting her to school. he’d been awake, watching something just like this, at five-thirty in the morning. and when you’d asked him when he’d gotten up, he had shrugged, and murmured something that sounded suspiciously close to i don’t sleep. that’s your next mission, because you can only focus on one at a time.)

“you hungry, sweetie?” you didn’t want to be pushy. she wouldn’t like that, would only retreat further into herself. you wanted her to come to you when she was ready to eat. lena shook her head and focused back on the television. “okay. well, if you get hungry later, i’ll eat with you.”

lena says okay in her quiet voice, holding onto a stuffed animal and staring ahead. you wait a couple of hours—there’s always something to do in the house. you clean up, wiping counters and sweeping while she stays on the couch. you check in every now and then to make sure she didn’t fall asleep.

and then, thirty minutes before her new bedtime, she comes and sits on the chair by the dining table while you’re wiping it down.

“can we get pizza?” she asks, and you nod right away.

“of course we can. what kind do you want?”

another thirty minutes later, the pizza’s there, and you’re both eating slices of pepperoni and spinach. you’ve formulated your plan for the rest of the night—her uncle’s still not home, which means you can crash on the couch or stay awake. you decide to stay awake, since there’s no follow up text from him. if he wasn’t going to come home tonight, you’d expect the standard, concise message; won’t be back tonight. is lena okay?

and you’re stupid, because you think it’s sweet that he always asks if she’s okay. like you wouldn’t call him the second something went wrong, like he doesn’t believe that you’d trust him with that information before anyone else. but there’s no texts tonight from the contact you’d saved as andrew cody (lena’s uncle).

lena’s finishing her last slice and you’re cleaning up when you hear it—the rumble of his truck pulling up to the house. then a minute later, footsteps and the front door opening.

“what’s all this?” he asks, and you have to remember to find the words.

you don’t know why that happens when he comes around—you’re usually great with dads. maybe it’s because he looks tired, more tired than usual, at least. his copper curls are messed up, like he’s been running a hand through his hair all night. lena’s uncle is always stiff, but it seems worse today, somehow.

(another thought seeps in, an uninvited guest in your mind, about how you’d really like to take care of him. he just needs some sleep, a little peace of mind. that’s it. you’re still trying to figure out the best way to give it to him.)

“we got pizza, uncle pope,” lena fills in, setting down the last piece of crust you knew she wouldn’t finish.

“there should be enough for you,” you add, smiling at him. he doesn’t smile back, but you’re used to that at this point. and you can tell what’s about to come. “lena, can you go brush your teeth and get your pajamas on for me?”

she nods and climbs off the chair, running into her room.

“it’s past her bedtime,” he starts, taking a few steps closer to you. “and pizza for dinner-”

you interrupt him, even though you probably shouldn’t. you close up the box, setting it on the island and you go back to wipe the table.

“she’s not eating, mister cody,” you put the paper towel down, getting your bearings in order to face him, make the dreaded, never-ending eye-contact. “when kids don’t eat you have to meet them halfway. i thought this was better than her going to bed without eating at all.”

he keeps looking at you. you think you should be a little nervous, but you don’t get like that anymore. flustered, sure, but not nervous—lena’s uncle is just kind of a starer, and you’ve gotten used to it by now.

“i’m sorry. i’ll run it by you next time, i promise. i just wanted her to eat something.” he’s silent for a while, like he’s processing what you said.

“yeah. okay. thanks.”

you smile again, a small one. the kitchen’s clean now, or at least as clean as you can get it. you’re sure that when you’re back in the morning, it’ll be spotless, which you can only assume is one of mister cody’s nocturnal activities. you have a routine before leaving—you say goodnight to lena, make sure you didn’t leave anything behind, and tell her uncle you’ll see him in the morning.

he doesn’t normally say anything back, maybe a grunt of acknowledgement. so you’re surprised tonight, when you grab your bag and your keys and hear—

“have a good night.”

“you too, mister cody.”

it took time, but you’ve gotten her schedule better. she eats dinner with you now, whatever semi-healthy thing you can think of with the stuff in the pantry and the groceries you picked up while she’s at school. her uncle leaves money for that sort of thing—an envelope filled with hundred dollar bills. it’s labeled lena’s babysitter in stiff, neat handwriting and he told you to use it for copays and ice-cream and anything else that lena needs. but it feels wrong to use his money when he already overpays you, so you just use your own.

you thought he might not have noticed that the envelope isn’t getting any thinner, until one morning when you arrive and see him counting the notes in it with his head down. now you’re the one staring—watching his arm flex and the muscles move as he flips through the bills. he wears the same kind of shirts every day, short sleeve button-ups, and every day, you are subject to watch his forearms while he does whatever he does. it’s a cruel and unusual punishment.

the worst had been when you needed a box down from the cabinet, the one with the muffin tins and cookie cutters. he had appeared behind you and taken it down for you in seconds, carrying it to the kitchen for you. you had been staring then too, uncomfortable and slack-jawed and wondering why his arms had your mouth dry. (you know the answer, it’s just better to live in denial, you think.)

“good morning, mister cody.” you set your bag down on the sofa, heading inside to get started on breakfast. you open the fridge, taking out a carton of eggs and orange juice and avoiding looking right at him. you don’t need to be flustered before seven-thirty am.

“you haven’t been using this money,” he states. you wish you could figure out what his tone means—there’s no inflections, no emotion simmering behind the words. it’s just cut and dry, stating a fact.

“well, i-” you turn back and look up from the stove and your words die on your tongue. he’s standing up, looking right at you, a fist full of cash like he’s going to make you use it one way or another. a single vein running through his arms tenses. your gaze flickers from it to his eyes quickly, looking at you like he wants you to start listening to him.

“i, um, i had enough.”

“you should use it.”

“but you already gave me a lot, so i-”

“i want you to use it.” the way he says it, it’s not a request.

“right. i-i will. is lena awake?”

“she’s getting ready.”

“great. thank you.” you turn back to the eggs with a flushed face. and even though you’re not facing him anymore, you can tell he’s still staring at you.

“i might not be back tonight.” you turn around and meet his eyes again. terribly green, incredibly sad. you’re too far now to see the brown, but you know it’s there. “i…i’ve got some work. it’ll be late, if i do.”

“thank you for the heads up. i, uh, i’ll crash on the couch then.” you think he might say something else, but you’re not sure. it’s silent for a moment, while you get the eggs onto a plate and hurry into the hallway to get lena.

she comes out first, carrying her backpack. you follow with her hairbrush for once she’s done eating, getting her already packed lunch out from the fridge to sort into her bag. there’s a whole routine that you had learned when you first started babysitting her, and now it’s just a way of life. filling up her water bottle, checking the calendar on the fridge to make sure there’s nothing you’re missing, pulling her jacket from the closet if it’s cold outside.

you get the bottle out, glancing back at her uncle. he’s leaning in while lena takes a bite of the eggs, probably telling her that he won’t be home, and to have a good day, and all the other things you’re sure he says to her. then they hug, and you feel like you’re intruding.

he picks up his keys, which rest in the small blue bowl by the door where yours sit too. and without thinking, you call out after him.

“have a good day at work.” he doesn’t say anything back, but he looks at you before he leaves. you don’t even know what he does for work.

“ready for school?” lena shakes her head no like always.

the days are long, but the weeks are short. you bring lena to school, but they have a half-day, so there’s no point in going home for the day if you need to be back in a couple of hours. so you head back to mister cody’s place, focusing your attention on cleaning the remnants from breakfast. you check the fridge, making note of how much fruit and milk you have left, scribbling onto a piece of paper for later. and for once, you listen to him, taking a single bill out of the envelope and putting it into your wallet. there’s other hundred dollar bills in there too, ones you need to deposit.

it hasn’t been making sense lately. a lot of nannies live with their families because it avoids the wastefulness of paying rent for an apartment you hardly ever visit. you pay internet and electric for a one-bedroom that’s empty the entire day. and now that you’re done with classes, you don’t even need to work on anything late at night or even at lena’s house. you carry around a book with you, and you think you’ve even left a couple on the coffee table, just for the future.

you don’t know why you still have your apartment. well, you know why—mister cody has never mentioned you moving in. and he probably never will, because he doesn’t want you to. but it just doesn’t make sense the more you think about it. you show up between six and seven and sometimes you don’t go home until ten. sometimes you don’t go home at all.

after making your list, you rack your head of things you can do to occupy lena’s time today. the library has a weekly reading, and there’ll be other kids there. you like to pick things so she can get some company from kids her age, so she’s not only stuck with you and her uncle all the time.

closer to when school gets out, you get in the car, bringing in your emergency bag with a change of clothes and your toothbrush since you’ll be staying the night. it’s not an entirely uncommon occurrence, which is why the bag, and a couple others like it, is always ready to go. you go to the bank first, depositing everything except the single hundred-dollar bill you took today. then you drive by the park, see if they’re having any of those pet-therapy sessions today. and then finally school to pick up lena.

the rest of the day goes how you planned. you forget how exhausting it is keeping a little kid entertained for hours on end, unsure of exactly what her uncle pope and his brothers do with her sometimes, when you struggle to fill up a couple of extra hours. the grocery store—where you splurge and buy ingredients to make stove-top smores because lena asks and you’ll take your wins where you can get them—then the library, where you take out a couple of books for lena to read at home and smile when she’s talking with some of the other girls there, then the playground for an hour, before home for dinner.

you make spaghetti while she finishes her homework, and review her homework while she changes into pajamas. and then it’s time for the routine she loves so much, just like her uncle, a nature documentary about penguins while you toast the marshmallows on a fork.

an hour later, lena’s asleep in bed, and you’re scrubbing hardened chocolate off the counter next to the stove. you don’t want more work for her uncle when he’s back, and you’ve learned lena’s a heavy sleeper, so you get to cleaning. it’s not like, as pathetic as the thought is, you have anything better to do.

and then about two hours after that, it’s eleven-thirty. it’s right around the latest that mister cody has ever come home, so you’re pretty sure he won’t be back tonight.

the only thing you have to look forward to in your apartment is the shower you take after a long day. you’ll have to make do with the shower inside the room where mister cody sleeps, since lena’s is close to her room and filled with products for an eight year old, and at the very least, you need adult shampoo and soap.

the room is bare—you would have guessed it’s a guest room if you didn’t know better. you’re not nosy, but you look around, trying to see if there’s anything there that makes the room her uncle’s. you know there’s still another bedroom, the one her parents used to share, since lena sometimes goes in there when she can’t sleep. so this was a guest room, and now it’s mister cody’s, and now you’re lurking in it.

besides for a closet full of clean-pressed button up shirts and organized shoes, you can’t discern anything that makes this room his. there’s not a single thing out of place, from the garden-variety decor that someone else had picked to the artwork to the sheets. the bathroom is more of the same, the entire place having that lemon-cleaner smell to it.

you turn the water on and strip, trying to avoid thinking about how you’ll be sleeping on the couch after this. and even inside the shower, you stare at the two-in-one shampoo bottle and the old spice body wash—old spice. who would have thought?—like you can’t believe what you’re looking at. you inhale the scent for longer than you need to. wrap yourself in a clean towel that doesn’t belong to you. brush your teeth with his spearmint toothpaste. and then you open your overnight bag, and find nothing but sundresses and bathing suits.

it’s past midnight, and you’ve grabbed the wrong bag. you need to get up in about six and a half hours to get lena ready for school, and you’re not positive you have the correct bag in the back of your car.

hesitantly, you open one of the dresser drawers. there’s black and white t-shirts folded precisely, tucked in evenly. one drawer up there’s folded socks and boxers.

you chew on your cheek. he did say that he won’t be home tonight. there’s no way he would know you took anything if you ran a load of laundry as soon as you woke up and folded it after morning drop-off. he might not even be home until the afternoon or evening, for all you know.

your tiredness makes the decision for you. the couch isn’t that comfortable, and you refuse to sleep in the shirt and jean skirt you spent all day in. you take a white shirt and black boxers, and then sneak back in for a pair of black socks because the living room is cold at night. and then you set your alarm, turn on another documentary—this one about hummingbirds, wrap yourself in the throw blanket on the couch, and close your eyes.

andrew comes home at quarter to three. it would have been a lot sooner—he doesn’t like leaving you alone here at night with lena if he can avoid it—but he doesn’t always have control over it. a bullet had grazed deran and he’d spent two hours cleaning up that mess, and then they had to organize their splits before leaving. he had to make sure to stay for that—he needs the cash to pay you, rent for baz’s place, money to put into lena’s savings account.

but he hates leaving you alone in the apartment with lena. not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he knows now it’s not safe, not without him there. he likes to get you home early but it’s rarely the case, and then he feels like he should pay you extra since he’s making you drive home alone in the dark.

telling you to stay is a better option. you can sleep in his room—it’s not like he’s going to sleep in there anyways. but he doesn’t say that, doesn’t need the nanny thinking there’s something wrong with him too. so he settles for telling you to stay the night, and letting you decide where you’ll sleep.

you always pick the couch. and sometimes, he’s not back early enough, sometimes you’re already up making breakfast or gone out for the day with lena by the time he’s back.

but tonight, you’re asleep on the couch. he sets down the bag with the cash on the couch, hovering over you. the television is still on, stuck on a are you still watching? screen, covering up a photo of some birds. a breath leaves him when he realizes you’re watching what he always watches. you’re knocked out—he can tell since the front door opening didn’t wake you like it sometimes does. you’ve kicked away the blanket you usually use, and he thinks for a second he should just cover you up and let you sleep.

but he doesn’t. he stands over you, staring at your sleeping form. he doesn’t like it—how pretty you are when you sleep. it’s a distraction that he can’t escape, knows that the next time he closes his eyes, he’ll think of you. that the next time he sits on this couch, he’ll be able to smell your skin. you snore softly, chest rising and falling evenly.

and then he notices it—the plain shirt, black socks with a familiar logo. are those his boxers? and now he definitely can’t look away. he puts the pieces together—your hair is wet, meaning you must have showered and then put on his clothes before coming back out here. if you were going to do all of that, why didn’t you just sleep in his room?

yes, pope decides, he needs you to sleep in his bed. he needs the couch anyways, since he won’t be sleeping, so he might as well bring you inside.

he lifts you carefully, not wanting to stir you accidentally. his shirt is a little big on you, hanging off your shoulder. you stay sound asleep the entire short walk to his bedroom, not stirring even when he sets you down. you must have been really tired, but that makes sense, given the fact that you’ve been out all day with lena.

he thought about sticking a tracker on your car, but the first time he was taking care of lena, after baz, you had shared your phone’s location with him so he could keep track. you had offered it, voluntarily, saying something about how that’s common with babysitters now, and that you never go anywhere without your phone so he won’t have to worry about you leaving it at home.

you thought reassuring him that he would always have lena’s location in his phone would make him feel better. and maybe it had, but he’d never mentioned it again after that day, never brought up if he actually checked it or not.

(it’s not like you would know if he was using it, it doesn’t work like that. deran had explained it to him.) he did check it, pretty frequently, actually. he checked it after you’d leave when he got home, after lena was asleep. he’d watch your little circle drive home and pull into the parking lot of your apartment complex. it wasn’t as bad of an area as it could be, but it wasn’t that safe either. he liked to check it every now and then too, middle of the night, saturday evenings when he was home with lena and you got to leave early or had the day off.

he assumed, somehow, that you’d be in bars or parties at your college, maybe. but when he looks at your location late at night, you’re always at home. he checks other times too—but he’s just trying to keep you safe. (that’s what he tells himself—that finding another babysitter than lena liked and that he trusted would be a hassle. he needs to keep you safe.)

but it doesn’t seem like you like any of that stuff. he’s never seen you drink the beer in the fridge, though you offer one to him every now and then. you’ve met smurf and deran and craig before, like when you’d go to drop off lena before one of your classes, back before you had finished school.

you were smart—he knew that much. that was the kind of good example he needed around lena, someone who had gone through school and finished. he didn’t know what your degree was in, but it must’ve been something smart, something important. you were always typing on your computer and reading books. whatever it is that you studied, he wants someone in lena’s life that can help her with that stuff, stuff he doesn’t know much about, when it’s time.

you were smart enough to turn down every joint or bump that craig offered. you never accepted a drink from smurf that didn’t come from a can that you opened yourself. and baz used to tell him that you were just a local college kid, that you didn’t have any family nearby or anyone to occupy your time, really.

it didn’t make sense—pretty girl like you. he would have thought you had a boyfriend, but if you do, you’ve never brought him around. and if he didn’t live with you or live at that coffee shop you liked that was down the street from your apartment, then he didn’t know if you even had one. maybe he shouldn’t spend any time thinking about your hypothetical boyfriend, but that’s just what comes up sometimes when he thinks about you for too long. like right now.

you look peaceful lying in his bed. your eyes flutter quickly like you’re having a dream, and he sits on the bed next to you, watching you sleep. your hair falls across your face, and his finger twitches. he almost moves his hand to brush the hair away, but he decides not to, settling for just watching you for another minute or two.

the bed creaks slightly when he gets up. no one uses it much, so it’s a little weary. he doesn’t think the noise is anything, but your eyes blink open. the door’s open, light from the living room illuminating a sliver of the space.

he thinks he should get out before you can ask any questions, but he doesn’t, hovering over the bed while you look around.

“andrew?” and god if it doesn’t sound different coming from your lips. you’re too tired to remember that you usually stick with mister cody, which is so formal it hurts. it sounds real, sincere, not filled with fear or anger or anything else. you haven’t even said anything and he thinks he’s losing his mind.

it’s just the way you say it. there’s no question attached, no demand, no sacrifice. just you, making sure it’s him.

“that couch is bad for your back,” he says.

he knows it is, the couple times he tried to lay down and stare at the ceiling. he’s always sore, muscles screaming and joints aching but he knows how to ignore it. he doesn’t think you should start feeling like that. feels angry at the very idea that you would be sore after spending a night on the couch, taking care of his niece, looking after baz’s house. doing all the things that he’s too busy to do.

you take care of things. you do a good job too—figuring out how to get lena to eat and sleep again. making sure her routine doesn’t go awry just because he’s gone on a job all day. you remember things that he doesn’t even know about—activities with kids after school and how the school has soccer practice starting soon. you think a couple steps ahead when it comes to lena, and sometimes, he doesn’t think you see it as a job.

like when you make enough breakfast for the three of you. leave dinner on a plate inside the microwave with a note on the counter. when you clean like it’s your house, make sure things stay in the place they’re supposed to, which is so much harder when there’s a kid around. he’s not stupid—it’s why he gives you so much money each week, shoves an envelope into your hand despite your protests. why the first thing he does after he gets his cut is make sure you get yours.

and as hard as the thought is to swallow, he doesn’t think he could do all of this without you.

“mmh-” you agree, making a soft noise. he wishes he could engrain it into his brain and replay it whenever he wants. “i thought you don’t sleep?” you ask, and he sees your lips turn up into a smile. he wishes the lights were on.

“i try,” he replies, realizing that he’s still hovering over you. he wonders why you weren’t scared the moment you woke up. “sometimes. i try.”

“do you wanna try now?” you ask, whispering. and he goes silent—because what is he supposed to say that?

you reach out in the dark for his hand, and he flinches, taking it back. but you don’t retreat, reaching out again until you’re grasping his fingers.

“try for a couple hours. i set an alarm,” you say, and the way you say it, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea. you have a way of convincing him, or maybe it’s just late and you’re tired, and your sleepy voice isn’t helping matters. nor does the fact that you don’t seem even remotely concerned that you’re inviting him to come sleep on the bed next to you.

you sit up a little, and he regrets even staying as long as he did. you need your sleep, unlike him. you’re still holding onto his hand, and your skin is warm on his. it couldn’t really be, but it feels like it’s burning his, where your palm rests against his, where your fingers twist with his.

“hey,” you start, slow and soft. “don’t think about it. just sleep for a little.”

“yeah,” he says. “okay. a little.”

you move over, and when he lays down—back straight against the mattress, staring up at the ceiling—it’s warm where your body was resting. you’re still holding onto his hand, not letting go. your grip is loose enough that he could free his hand easily, and even if it wasn’t, he could overpower you if he wanted.

but he doesn’t want to. and somewhere between your slow breaths and how you rub his knuckles, running your soft skin against dozens of old scars—because that’s his punching hand—andrew falls asleep.

you can hear it, his breaths getting steady, evening out. your hands stay together in the middle of the bed, between you, and you wonder for a split second how you’re going to deal with this in the morning, how you’ll make sense of this in daylight. the semblance of a professional relationship you had maintained this entire time might turn into dust in a couple hours. and then you breathe in andrew’s comforting scent, clean linen and saltwater, and fall back asleep.

the best thing about this house is the light and the waves. golden rays pour in through the half-way open blinds and you can hear the ocean crashing against the rocks in the distance. it’s the perfect way to wake up, even if it is six-thirty and your alarm is going off in the living room, where your phone must be.

you need to get up. you don’t want lena to wake up from the noise, even though you know she won’t—that girl can sleep through anything. it’s a problem for when she’s older, when she goes to college and there’s no one besides a roommate to make sure she doesn’t miss class. even half-asleep, you smile thinking about it.

and somehow, when you look on the other side of the bed, it hits you that it wasn’t a dream. andrew is asleep next to you, still in whatever clothes he was wearing throughout the day. a short sleeved button up and pants. you’re surprised that he didn’t fall asleep with his shoes on.

he looks very calm when he sleeps. the lines of tension on his forehead and around his eyes are soft when he’s like this, his hair a mess and cheek smushed against the pillow, against your hand.

he’s still holding your hand. it makes a certain kind of warmth rain all over you, flooding you from inside out. he’s on top of the covers and you’re under the throw blanket, and you don’t remember doing that, which means that he did.

an exhausted, half-asleep andrew cody covered you up before he fell asleep on top of the covers. he fell asleep holding your hand and your chest hurts because he won’t wake up holding it still, since you need to go turn that stupid alarm off.

he never sleeps, you know this. he’s never been asleep when you show up early, never heading to bed when you leave for the day. this bed is pretty much always made, sheets never rustled and not a pillow out of place because no one sleeps here. you hope you can start changing that.

you don’t want to pull your hand away from him. it’s so simple, so sweet that you can’t bring yourself to do it. that this whole time, andrew just needed someone to sleep beside him. you rest your head back on the pillow, continue staring, creepy as it is. you’ve never been able to study him like this before, have never been close enough.

the hand holding onto yours is softer than you’d imagined. the veins running through his forearm are thick and tense, even when he’s like this. you think it might be from how tightly he’s holding onto your hand, like even in his sleep he’s worried he might lose you somehow.

andrew cody has freckles—all across his arms and on his hands too. there’s a splatter of them across his nose and cheeks, places where he must have gotten burnt as a kid, maybe when he was lena’s age. the tips of his ears flush pink while he sleeps, and he snores. all things that make you smile, things that are so personal you feel your face getting warm, like you shouldn’t have access to that information.

you need to turn that god-damn alarm off, before it wakes him up. you think you’d rather die than disrupt the few hours of peaceful sleep he’s getting right now. so you wriggle your hand, trying to find the best way to get it out of his grip and make sure you don’t wake him in the process. nothing’s working, even in his sleep he’s thrice as strong as you. the generic alarm tone keeps going in the background.

you lean in, pressing a chaste kiss to andrew’s cheek, whispering that you promise to be right back. and for a split second he moves around, and you regain control of your tingling hand.

the bed creaks a little when you get up, but you do it slowly so it’s not too loud. walk to the couch as fast as your bare feet will take you, looking down and realizing you’re still in andrew’s socks.

(his shirt and boxers too, but you’re choosing to ignore that for now. if someone walked in through the front door in this moment, it would look like you and him were something other than a guardian and babysitter. you think you’d actually enjoy trying to see him explain to his brothers why you’re in his clothes head to toe. you might like this more than you think you did.)

you can hear the ocean again once the alarm is turned off. it’s a beautiful thing to wake up too, you think, pulling open the curtains and looking outside on the street. people are on runs, doing yoga on the beach, watching the sunrise with their dogs.

and inside, andrew cody is sound asleep.

the first part of your day is waking up lena. she grumbles and takes five, sometimes ten, minutes to get up after you go in there. in that time, you set out clothes for her and then head back to the kitchen. you have a habit of making sure her backpack has everything—the colorful pens she’s always telling you about and yesterday’s homework. if she forgot something at home, the school would call andrew, and then andrew would call you, and you hate adding more work to his life. so, you make sure it’s all there before she leaves.

then breakfast—eggs and toast if you’re running late, pancakes if you got there early. it’s seeming like a pancake sort of day.

you make the batter and then pull out the bag of chocolate chips and head back to lena’s room. you use the semi-sweet morsels as an incentive to get her up, which works like a charm. while she’s changing and brushing her teeth, you make three pancakes. two for lena, and the first one you peeled that’s never quite as good is for you.

lena comes to the table to eat her pancakes, and you tell her to stay just a little quieter than usual because her uncle pope is still sleeping.

“really?” she asks, and you feel something inside of you twist in discomfort. as if you had imagined before you met him, maybe he was sleeping, that maybe this was something recent. you smile at lena.

“yeah, sweetie, really.”

you bring lena to school, come back home, and check on andrew—who is still sleeping. you cover him up with the blanket you’d slept under and then make three more pancakes and some scrambled eggs. there’s no bacon in the house or you would have made that too.

you scribble it on the grocery list and then head back inside the bedroom, carefully perching yourself on the edge of the bed and maybe a little too comfortable, too quick, run your fingers through his messy hair. he sighs against the pillow and it makes you smile immediately. you keep going, fingers not stopping until you see his eyes fluttering open. you don’t want to make him uncomfortable, though you don’t want to stop either.

“i made breakfast,” you say quietly. andrew looks up at you, and then to your slept-in side of the bed. he moves, sitting up in the bed and you take back your hand tentatively. his hair is soft like you’d imagined.

he wipes his face with his hands, rubbing at his eyes. and when he looks at you, you feel any prudence that once was inside you melt away. well-rested, sleepy andrew cody, waking up in the bed you shared last night, while you tell him about the pancakes you made for him. you couldn’t have imagined this, for some reason, which makes it feel all the more real.

“what time is it?” he asks, in a gruff, sleepy voice.

“almost nine, i think.” he looks up at you quickly.

“lena?”

“i brought her to school already. you-you were sleeping. i didn’t want to wake you.”

“when did you get up?”

“six-thirty. my alarm. remember?” you do remember telling him about it before you fell asleep, one of the last things you had said in a conversation that feels like it was light-years ago.

“yeah.” you know better than to expect anything right now. he’s always been quiet, sentences curt and expressions relatively blank. you’ve had a few hours to simmer in it—think about what’ll happen tomorrow and next week and what it means to sleep in the bed next to the man whose niece you babysit. he just woke up a few minutes ago.

“well, there’s pancakes. and eggs. there’s no bacon but i’ll go get some later-”

“did you eat?” you catch his eye. perched on the bed next to him, you can see more than just green. brown too, around his pupils. not nearly as sad as they had seemed yesterday.

“yeah. i had one.”

“just one?” you don’t have an answer for that, but unusually confident, you stand up.

“i’ll have a bite of yours if you come eat with me.”

and though you couldn’t have imagined it last night, you end up leaning against the counter with andrew, splitting bites of chocolate-chip pancakes (yours drenched in syrup, his comparably dry as a bone), and luke-warm scrambled eggs.

he washes the dishes, and you put them away. it’s incredibly domestic.

“i’m sorry about your clothes,” you say, sliding a plate back into the cupboard. “um, i’ll wash everything today.” you had to bring it up at some point.

and then andrew turns to look at you. head to toe, he stares, gaze flicking up and down for what seems like eons. you don’t have a guess for why, maybe he’s trying to decide if he’ll accept your apology.

(he’s trying to memorize it, capture it like a picture in his brain, seal it up and hold onto it forever. how you look right now—his white shirt, with nothing underneath, which must be why he can see the outline of your breasts when you turn to put another dish away. his boxers, that you bunched up around your waist, his socks, one rolled up around your ankle and the other halfway up your calf. did you go to the school drop-off in his clothes, too?)

“and i can wash your jacket too, i’m sorry. it was kind of cold and i don’t know where my hoodie is. i-i’m sorry.”

he turns to look at you again. you seem worried, chewing on your cheek, waiting for his answer.

“don’t wash the jacket,” he says, and turns back to the sink. he doesn’t want it to stop smelling like you, but you don’t need to know that.

“yeah. sure. i won’t. sorry again, andrew.”

his heart thuds in this chest at the realization that you might never go back to calling him mister cody.

the two of you finish the dishes. he wipes up the counter while you put away lena’s things, and then he grabs his keys and puts on his shoes. you stand there watching, feeling awfully close to something like a wife watching her husband about to leave her for the day. and when you open your mouth, you can’t stop it from coming out.

“do you know when you’ll be back?”

“i’ll be here for dinner. can you pick up lena?” he doesn’t want to leave you, but there’s about ten texts and three missed calls on his phone that he needs to deal with. when he shrugs his jacket on, it does, in fact, smell like you. it might be enough to keep him calm the rest of the day.

“yeah, of course. well.. i’ll go start the laundry.” a vision of you peeling off your—his—clothes plagues his mind momentarily. “i’ll see you later?” you say, smiling hesitantly.

and without thinking too much about it, andrew comes up close to you, leans in a little awkwardly, and kisses your forehead.

“i’ll see you later.” he leaves you there in his shirt and socks, blinking stupidly at the door.

andrew does come back for dinner. you make an attempt at chicken parm at lena’s request, which really just turns out to be a sort of chicken parm-casserole situation, but lena likes it and the garlic bread tastes good, so you will call it a win for now.

while you’re simmering sauce and frying the cutlets, your mind flicks through everything you know about lena’s uncle. he’d never once been anything but nice to you—nice is one way to put it. polite is another. courteous, appropriate, reserved.

one night you had been waiting for him so you could leave, and he’d come home with lena’s other uncles. you had introduced yourself and smiled nicely, and when you left and gotten into your car, it hadn’t turned on. you remember debating if you should go back inside or just call triple a and wait, but somehow, andrew had known something was wrong. he had come out a few minutes later, told you that he would drive you home while his brother stayed at home and that he’d be back in a minute.

he’d dropped you off at home and told you he’d come get you in the morning. and you had slept anxiously that night, wondering what was wrong with your car and how much of a disturbance it would be to andrew to come get you.

but after the two of you had dropped lena off at school—again, disturbingly domestic—he brought you back to the house. and without any words at all, he worked on your car while you sat and watched. you held a flashlight when he needed it, and he said it shouldn’t happen again when he was done.

and you guess that’s the kind of man andrew cody is.

true to his word, andrew comes home in time to eat dinner with you and lena. after dinner, since it’s friday, you let her have a brownie and a half, the ones you’d made earlier that day. you have one too and you offer one to andrew, but he shakes his head, and you’re only mildly disappointed.

you haven’t been home, so you’re wearing one of the dresses from the wrong overnight bag you’d brought here. (your disappointment goes away when you notice that he hasn’t stopped staring at your exposed thighs since the minute he walked through the door.)

lena watches a cartoon before bed and you try to clean up the rest of the kitchen, but it’s hard, since andrew’s done most of the leg-work already. he tucks lena in and you gather your belongings—and true to your word, you did laundry and put his clothes back in the exact place you found them.

(you did steal another pair of socks, but you hardly think he minds now. he kissed you goodbye this morning like he was actually your husband, or something, and every minute you spend in this house washing dishes and scrubbing counters next to him is not helping. he stares at the straps of your dress like he could slip them off your shoulder with his mind, like it’s the only thing he’s thinking about. you don’t mind.)

“she’s out,” he says, coming back into the living room. you’re sitting on the couch, knees tucked to your chest while you change the channel to one of those documentaries you’ve been so fond of recently. you turn to smile at andrew and he comes and takes a seat next to you.

“that’s good. i can go soon.” but you make no effort to move, staring at the screen in front of you. this one is about sea-life, shades of blue flooding ahead of you both.

“you can stay,” andrew says, quiet like always. “if you want.” his voice is deep and gravelly, and the words he says scratch an itch somewhere deep inside of you, and the relief is visible on your body. you sink a little further into the sofa, knees falling next to andrew’s, thighs touching.

“if that’s okay with you.” you whisper it, as if saying it too loudly might make the entire idea crack open and fall apart.

you two stay like that for a while. you don’t know when, but andrew swings an arm around your shoulder, and you rest your head against his chest, collapsing into his comfortable grip. you can hear his heart beating, can feel every breath he takes. his hand brushes the top of your shoulder every time you breath, and his other hand is clasped with yours. you watch schools of fish and pods of dolphins, and you think that any other night, you could fall asleep like this.

“andrew?” you ask, still staring straight ahead. you brush your fingers over his knuckles like you had done last night, and you can feel his hand tense under your touch, until it finally relaxes. “do you want to go to bed?”

“yeah, kid,” he says. “let’s go to bed.”

and you’ll be damned if the domesticity doesn’t kick you in the stomach, sucker punch you in the chest and knock all the wind out of you. andrew turns the tv off, puts the remote back in the right place. and then he picks you up, and you make a quiet noise of surprise, underestimating him momentarily. you should know better.

one hand wraps around your legs and the other around your back, bridal-style (fitting, you think), and he sets you down on the creaky bed. you worry, how loud it’ll be and how you’ll have to be quiet but then andrew hovers over you, nothing but a tiny lamp brightening up the room, and you lose your train of thought.

“you sure you wanna do this?” he asks, that rough voice again. like you’ve thought about anything else for the last twenty-four hours. you nod quickly, bringing your hands to his chest, and then his arms, fingers tracing the sinewy veins and thrumming muscles up and down on both sides. his eyes shut while you do it, breaths getting heavy and deep. but you keep going—it’s only fair. you’ve only thought about it a million times.

“does that feel good?” you whisper, and he lets out a quiet, almost painful groan.

“y-yes,” and you smile, fingers moving on their own while you lean in for the kiss you’ve been waiting for.

andrew’s mouth is hot, and his kisses are like fire. as soon as your lips touch, he pins you all the way down, his body weight on top of yours. he kisses you the same way he had held your hand last night, the same way he held you on the couch, like you’ll slip away if he stops for even a second. your lips start to ache, but you moan quietly into his mouth, letting him swallow them while you still stroke his arms. one day, you’ll crawl into his lap and play with his hands until he’s sick of you, but today, you need to feel him.

you can’t do much from your position, but you can wrap your legs around his waist, one hand going towards his chest to pull at his shirt. he takes it off in one motion, yanking the fabric at the back until it comes off, messing up his hair while he pulls it. your free hand goes there, running through his hair again. you use it to steady yourself, gaining leverage while he keeps kissing you like there’s nothing else for him to do. like his life depends on it. he thinks it just might.

“an-andrew,” you get out in gasps, moving your mouth away for a second. “i need to breathe,” you pant, but he doesn’t stop, kisses your cheek and your jaw and buries his face in your neck. you feel the skin there between his lips, then his teeth, and you grip hard on his arm while he keeps going. you want him to keep going, you want to see the marks he leaves tomorrow and every other day. you want everyone to look at you and know that he’s the one who left them. and you think your wish is about to come true.

your fingers let go of his arms and he groans against your skin—there’s no words but you know he didn’t want you to stop. instead you guide them to both sides of his face, staring up at him and then bringing him back in for another kiss. you think you’d be perfectly content to do this forever, that you could spend hours, days, weeks in bed kissing andrew cody. that you’d be stupid to ever leave this bed, leave this house, when there’s a man here who kisses you like each touch of your lips is a prayer, like he’s here to worship.

he’s not hesitant anymore, not wondering if you’re going to pull away and walk out and ask to pretend this never happened. you keep your hands on his face, and then work down to his jaw and neck, clasping your arms around to keep him in place.

and his mind is empty. he thinks he should know what to do with you, with your labile body flush against his, all the things he’s been thinking about for the last months, if not at least what he was thinking since this morning. you’re still in your little dress, one of the thin straps fallen over your shoulder and dangling on the skin of your upper arm. he pulls away and you whine, another noise he wishes he could capture somehow. it’s a melody, one he wants to keep hearing.

you wish he hadn’t stopped the kiss, and you expect him to lean right back in after you both catch your breath, but he doesn’t. andrew’s hovering over you, eyes fixated on your shoulder, staring intently at the strap of your dress.

“andrew?” you whisper, the hand on his neck rubbing the tense skin there, wondering if you could get your kiss back. “is something wrong?”

his lovely eyes flicker up to you, staring while you swallow and wait patiently. maybe you’d been too eager, maybe he was having regrets—after all, you’re the nanny and he’s the dad and maybe you’d been too presumptuous in assuming that he wanted you as badly as you wanted him—

“no. nothing’s wrong.” you sigh a tiny breath of relief, it comes out before you even notice. but andrew is nothing if not perceptive, and he wraps his hand around your back and lays you back on his bed.

“why did you stop?” you question, flustered and embarrassed as the words come out, sounding like a spoiled child. but you suppose you had been spoiled these last few hours, getting everything you wanted—his hot touch, breathless kisses, the ability to finally see what the veins on his arms feel like under your palm.

he doesn’t answer your question, just flicks his eyes back to your shoulder. and then he leans in, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the end of your collarbone, tracing more kisses down through the length of your shoulder, stopping when he reaches the skimpy cotton of your dress. you take deep breaths, watching it happen in front of you. he repeats the same with the other side, pulls the strap down like he’s unfolding a gift, kisses your skin like you’re his present. and you think you are.

there’s nothing between you two except your thin dress, and you pull on it eagerly, trying to get it off, when his hands come and stop on top of yours.

“you’ll rip it,” andrew says, fingers going towards the zipper in the back, undoing it slowly.

“i don’t care,” breathless, eager, unable to wait even another minute to get what you want. he pulls the zipper all the down, your dress falling off as your shrug out of it.

and you want another kiss, you want his touch, you want something, anything—but all you get is andrew staring at your naked body. and you think somehow this is worse than anything else, anticipation burning in your belly painfully. your thighs feel sticky and sore and your underwear is soaked through. and all he’s done is kiss you.

“you’re perfect,” he says quietly, and you feel your entire face burn hot. you don’t think you’ve ever felt like this before—and you know how andrew is. he doesn’t lie, he doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean.

you tilt your head up, pressing your lips to his for a moment, a soft kiss in contrast to the ones from earlier.

“so are you,” and you kiss him again, smiling against his mouth. he feels it, though he doesn’t smile back. and when he pulls away, he looks down at you, naked and willing in his bed, smiling up at him and telling him he’s perfect, when you don’t even know half the monster he is. “you are,” you repeat, watching andrew’s eyes as he thinks a million thoughts in his head, carries a million burdens on his shoulders. “even if you don’t believe me. i think you’re perfect.”

you feel cheesy saying it, though you know there isn’t another man in the world who needs to hear it more. you can hear him make a noise of protest, like he doesn’t think you mean it, and incredibly desperate for him to believe you, you sit up.

your hands go to sturdy shoulders while you try to get him to move, until he’s sitting back against the headboard and you can crawl onto his lap. he’s silent, watching you as you do it, exposed body flush against his skin, and yet, you don’t feel scared. you don’t feel embarrassed, or worried. you just want to make him feel good.

you start with a kiss to his jaw. andrew’s body tenses under yours, the slightest bit of contact making him groan and buck up, his hands tight on the soft skin of your waist to keep you both steady. you work your way down to his neck, pressing kisses everywhere in your path.

“do you want to know what i’ve thought about you?” you ask, though you don’t wait for an answer. you kiss down his chest, stopping at the strong muscles of his chest and the old bruises and scars that cover some of them. “i thought that you’re so good at taking care of your family.” you move down to his abs, more kisses, hearing more noises from andrew that you never would have thought he would make for you. he takes shuddering breaths, not replying to you but grunting from pleasure while you keep going. “i thought that you’re so good to me. that i don’t have to worry since i know i can always come to you.” you think of your car and the money he gives you and how you woke up in bed despite falling asleep on the couch.

finally you make your way to the waistband of his jeans, undoing the belt with surprisingly steady hands. he reaches down, his hands covering yours for a moment, but you stare up at him with your glassy eyes, not even pulling the entire belt off, just enough to get you what you need—what you want. and then you undo his zipper, tug down his boxers, and take his girthy length into your hand, stroking up and down while still staring up at him.

“can i take care of you, andrew?” and you don’t realize how it must sound to him, his head thudding back onto the pillow. you press a gentle kiss to his leaking tip, both hands wrapped around his dick and stroking while you wait for your answer.

“y-yes, yes-” and you don’t wait any longer, taking as much of andrew into your mouth as you can fit. you drive your mouth up and down, your hands twisting around the base, everything wet and warm and sticky from your spit. and you think you would do this forever, that you would do this everyday if you could hear the noises he makes and how his body takes the pleasure you give him. you gag around him, feeling his hand snake into your hair, pulling you off gently. you smile up at him, though you’re sure you look like a mess, hot tears running down your cheeks and lips shiny and wet.

but you don’t stop—licking up and down until you bring him back into your mouth. you can feel how embarrassingly wet you are right now, can feel yourself leaking onto your thighs and the sheets, wanting friction as badly as you wanted to make andrew feel good right now. and then you hear it—andrew’s moan, louder than any of the other noises and full and from the chest. he bucks up into your mouth and you take it, ready to hear what he sounds like when he finishes, when he pulls you off of him.

“andrew—” you whine, as though you were the one about to come. he pulls you up, naked bodies pushed against each other, and kisses you until you feel light-headed.

“not until you do,” he murmurs, and you feel dizzy all over again.

“but i’m not done,” still eager to kiss the rest of his body and tell him how good he is, until he starts to believe you. you wrangle out of his loose grip, knowing full well if he wanted to stop, he could have. he could pin you down and do whatever he wanted to you and you wouldn’t be able to fight him, a thought that makes you feel like you’re going to faint. but you resume quickly, starting at his shoulders—stopping to admire all the sunspots spattered there—and starting your journey again, working down his bicep and to his freckled forearm, the ones you stared at whenever the opportunity presented itself, the one you thought about all the time.

andrew doesn’t know about that, and you’re not sure you can bear to tell him. it feels too revealing, despite how you’re naked on top of him, your breasts pressed against him and wet pussy on top of his hard, leaking dick. but sure—that’s what you get nervous about.

you stop and trace all the veins with your fingers, feeling him pulse underneath you, repeating on both sides. he’s got his head tilted back, soft groans filling the empty space between you as you keep going. if they’re this sensitive for him, you can only imagine what it would feel like for you, especially the one leading down to the middle of his wrist—and then the words slip out before you can realize you had said them out loud.

your face goes hot again. he looks up at you a little confused, and you have to stop yourself from collapsing and burying your face into the pillow next to you.

“andrew?” you ask, shy and embarrassed and yet not stopping yourself at all.

“you… you like my arms?” he says, and you feel your face heat up.

but so many things have happened already that you couldn’t have even dreamt about twenty-four hours ago, so you think it’s worth a shot. (that’s a lie. you have dreamt about this, so many times that you’ve woken up in your bed covered in a cold sweat, that you’ve burned through a vibrator and ruined pillows imagining what it would be like to rub yourself against his veiny arms. you guess you’re about to find out).

your fingers trace the length of them again.

“i like everything about you,” you say quietly, understanding just how silly you sound. “but we don’t have to do anything.” you try to cover your tracts, worried you’ve just messed up the incredible time you’ve been having so far littering his body with kisses and feeling butterflies in your cunt from the fact that andrew will be inside of you soon.

“how would you-” andrew starts, and you watch him carefully as he gets out the next few words. “do it? how?” and it’s just cut and dry way he speaks, though it’s really going to your head (and other places) right now.

“well, i-”

“show me.” oh.

you feel yourself pulse and throb in response to his words. even below you, you can still feel how hard andrew is. you try to start positioning yourself, but you must be moving too slowly for him, and you feel his hand on your ass, grabbing you and pushing you up to his chest, face to face. he lays his arm next to you, watching your naked body as you try to balance yourself between it, his free arm on your hip, keeping you steady.

when you lower yourself, just an inch or two, just until you feel the ridge of his forearm and you can decide what to do after realizing that you are, in fact, doing this, andrew curses under his breath.

“fuck, you’re so wet.” he can feel it. feel you, on his arm, leaking, for him. you take a deep breath, pressing your hands against his chest to keep your balance, moving your hips up and down slowly. and your eyes flutter shut because fuck, if it isn’t better than every fantasy you’ve ever had.

you hadn’t known that your pathetic attempts to recreate this at home would have never lived up to the real thing, and now you realize you’ll never be able to go back to anything else but andrew, that no one else could make you feel this way. months of pent-up desire leave your body as you rock yourself against him, finally getting the stimulation you’ve been craving.

when you open your eyes, just for a second, you see andrew, his eyes glued to where your pussy meets his arm, his breaths heavy and deep, like he wouldn’t look away from the sight before him for anything.

and then you feel the veins rub against your clit, and your eyes roll back into your head. you keep going, trying to muffle your moans and sighs, but you can’t get the image out of your head—andrew staring at you, like he wanted this as much as you’ve wanted it, like he needs to see you cum like this. you start going faster, the friction and the slide from your juices making it easier and the veins rubbing at you just the right way—

he leans in, putting one of your peaked nipples into his mouth, flicking his tongue against it, before letting go and repeating the same with the other one. but it’s really when andrew starts talking that you’re pulled over the edge, his hand hot on your back.

“please,” he says, and you feel yourself falling into it, hanging onto every raspy word, so much better than you could have ever dreamed, “-i-i need you to cum for me. i need to feel you, i need to see it, please-”

and you do. you always listen to andrew, all the white-hot tension wound up in your belly releasing, flooding your entire body with the relief you’ve been wanting all night. your body tightens up, stopping, but he moves you with the huge hand on your hip, makes you rub on him all through it, pulling your body like you’re a toy for him.

your mind is empty while your toes curl and uncurl, thighs aching and sore in this position. andrew ushers you towards him, and you collapse on his chest, heaving and sweaty and tired—and the realization hits you that he hasn’t even been inside of you yet.

he kisses you while he has you trapped in his arms, your eyes shut as you breathe him in, moan into his mouth and let him swallow it.

“y-your arm,” you get out, realizing you’re not speaking in coherent sentences. “i’m sorry-”

“why?” he asks, and you shut up instantly. “didn’t know you liked them that much.”

he laughs quietly, a sound you have only heard a few times. you laugh against his chest for a moment, before pulling him in for another kiss. this time, it deepens, and he gets you on your back in front of him before he pulls away. you stare up at him, mind empty and chest heaving, seeing how his eyes stay on your tits, and you reach up, putting your hands on his chest while he hovers over you.

“it might hurt,” he says, and you feel your entire body tighten, your walls clench at his words. there’s nothing but truth behind his statement—it’s not meant to be arrogant or boastful, he’s warning you. it’s going to hurt, you know it is—you could barely fit half of him in your mouth and it took you both hands to be able to comfortably stroke him.

but the way he says it elicits a fire in you, and suddenly you need him now, no matter how much it hurts.

“i don’t care, andrew, please,” you beg, staring up at him. he still hovers, licking his lips and staring at your how tits bounce while you beg him to fuck you—a thought that he cannot process, even with you splayed out in front of him. he brings his arms out, fingers teasing your sensitive nipples until you’re covering your own mouth to avoid being too loud and you think you’re going to black out. (even in the dim light you can see the shine on his forearm from you, and the memory of it takes over your mind like a twister.)

“i have to stretch you out first.” the words possess your body like a demon. andrew takes your knees and spreads them apart, and no matter how hard you try to close them, you can’t compete against him. when he slides in one huge finger, your eyes roll back. he slips in so easily, the noise is obscene. the second finger goes in just as quickly, but there’s more resistance. two of his fingers are at least three of yours (if not more, you think, and then you want to faint again). the stretch is delicious, your pulsing walls realizing that this has been what you’ve been craving all along. that no toys or pillows or fingers of your own could ever compare.

when he slips a third finger in, he doesn’t change the pace. just keeps pushing them in and out of you like you’re a toy he’s testing the limits with, seeing how much you can take before you break. there’s no instructions for you besides to sit back and take it—and your toes curl and your head spins at how good he feels. the stretch hurts, but you want it so badly, you hear yourself crying out and saying incoherent things. you think you see andrew smile from where he is, watching your cunt suck his fingers in, his entire hand coated in your juices.

and when he hovers over you, bringing his tip to your entrance and prodding against you for a moment, you think you’re in heaven. he’s so flushed, tips of ears and his cheeks pink, sweat coating his body, just like yours. you can only imagine how hard he is, how you’ll get to feel how hard he is soon enough. his eyes stay at your pussy, pushing in, just barely, but you need more. you bring your hands to his arms, holding onto him while he slides in, and when you feel him push all the way in—so much bigger than you could have imagined, three of his fingers is nothing compared to this, nothing, nothing, nothing—he’s on top of you and kissing you.

whatever noises you make are tuned out—your ears are ringing and you can’t hear anything besides andrew’s grunts and moans as they come into your mouth. you keep kissing him, pulling on his lower lip and feeling his tongue on yours, but your entire body goes slack when he starts on a brutal pace, pulling all the way out and slamming into you. the bed is creaky, and the only noise besides it is the obscene one—the squelch of your soaking wet cunt taking andrew all the way, the repetitive slap of his skin meeting yours. you feel everything—the pressure of his hands while he holds you incredibly tightly, the fullness in your cunt that makes it feel like you can’t breathe.

and then andrew kisses your lips and makes a noise that makes you leak even more, and you know you’ll be just fine.

“i-i want-” he starts, and you feel him slow down the pace slightly.

“please, andrew,” you beg, and he resumes, fucking into you with an intensity that reminds you how badly he wants you, how long he’s wanted this. it reminds you of every time you caught him staring, every time you smiled at him wondering what he was thinking. and now you think you know—maybe he was thinking about something like this.

“i want another one,” he says into the skin of your neck, feeling him lick the sweat there and kiss the skin. “i want to feel it while i’m inside-” and god if you can’t comply. you want to do every single thing he tells you for the rest of your life, you don’t want to make another decision without andrew cody.

he changes the position, pulling out of you for a second and making you whine again. (spoiled, you think, he’s spoiled me for anyone else forever.) he holds both of your knees up and spreads them wide and wraps your arms around them, keeping them in place. and then he slides back inside of you in one swift movement, making your eyelids flutter shut. he doesn’t get right on top of you, leaving space between you that makes it impossible to lean in for a kiss, and you keep whining, impossibly and irrationally angry that you can’t kiss him, wondering why he wants you like this, when you feel his fingers circle your clit slowly—then quickly.

your head falls back onto the pillow. andrew can feel you pulsing around him, walls clenching every time he rubs your sensitive clit, and that’s what he wants, that’s what he needs, wants to feel you cum around his dick and squeeze him even tighter than you are right now. wants to see how you look completely fucked out, wants to see if you can give him a third. (he’ll get it, he decides, later. he’ll give you a chance to breathe, get you water after this. all the things he would do to take care of you, just like how you deserve, how a husband would take care of his wife.)

because at the end of the day, isn’t that what you two basically already are? you couldn’t be a girlfriend, because you have to get comfortable around a girlfriend.

no, he thinks, watching your fucked-out, flushed body take him like you were made for it. you already know him, know what he likes and doesn’t like, know how to make him feel good like you had been inside of his head already. you have been inside. you’re all he thinks about. that’s a wife, that is something that is forever, what the two of you have.

he doesn’t realize how hard he’s going, how fast, or how you’ve been squealing with your entire body tensing while he was stuck in his thoughts about you. this time when you finish, it explodes through you, the electric current staring from your core and spreading to every finger and toe. you jolt, legs shaking and head heavy, the after effect rolling through you while andrew keeps fucking you, keeps going even though he should probably stop. you’re incoherent, writhing and crying and feeling completely numb and like your entire body is burning all at once.

and when you blink open your watery eyes at andrew, smile sweetly and reach out for a kiss, one that he happily gives you, you say it quietly.

“i love you, andrew.” and you feel his thrusts stutter, his body weight almost collapsing on you. you feel andrew cum, feel it filling you up while you listen to his quiet moans and run your hands over his tense muscles, saying sweet things that he can barely understand in this state.

he rolls over minutes later, not pulling out until you were done kissing him. the room is filled with nothing but your heavy breaths. you need a shower, and you need to sleep.

you curl up on andrew’s chest like you had been on the couch what felt like a lifetime ago. you play with his fingers and he runs his other hand up and down the expanse of your arm. you can hear birds outside—and you know you need to get up soon, but you can’t find any words.

“you think that was enough?” andrew asks, and you look up at him with a confused expression. he looks at you with so much sincerity you feel like crying. your andrew.

“what do you mean?” you ask quietly, still not sure what he’s even talking about. your head is spinning and your eyes are tired—every part of you is tired.

“we can go again after you get some sleep. it might take more than once.”

“andrew?”

“you don’t have to worry about it. i’ll figure it out. i won’t stop until i put a baby in you.”

♡ thank you for reading

#why am i so nervous about this #pope cody #pope cody x reader #andrew cody #andrew cody x reader #andrew pope cody x reader #babysitter reader

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resident-gay-bitch · 2 days ago

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Steve’s always a little insecure in his relationships, always worries that they’re only in it for a short while, that all their promises are just words, no truth behind them.

He’s two months into his relationship with Eddie, and Steve’s already very in love with him, and it’s terrifying. This is the most in love Steve has ever been.

They said it for the first time the other day, during a super romantic and cosy night of Chinese takeout and nostalgic kids movies, snuggled up on the couch with never ending kisses. They had sex that night too, for the first time.

They had fooled around only a couple of times before that, nothing too serious, and only twice, since Eddie’s Demisexual. Steve didn’t know that waiting was exactly what he needed, assurance that Eddie wasn’t just there for his body.

After that night he feels even more connected to Eddie, feels the love radiating from his goofy smile and his puppy dog eyes. And the way Eddie kissed him, the way Eddie touched him, it was unforgettable. Genuine electricity. Steve had never felt so special and precious in his life, never felt so loved.

He’s still got his insecurities though, now that they’ve stepped up their relationship, Steve’s gotten a lot more comfortable, shown the secret side of him, the side that only Robin knows about really. He’s worried, like all the rest of them, that Eddie won’t like him anymore, that he’ll leave.

Robin tells him he’s being negative and stupid, Eddie’s totally the one, she can feel it!!

Steve wants to feel it, thinks the tips of his fingers are buzzing from it, but he just won’t let himself. Not yet. Not until he knows for sure.

They’re on FaceTime, having dinner together because Eddie’s gone away for a few nights with his band for a gig, and they miss eachother. Eddie called him, no prompting needed, and when Steve answered he said: “Stevie, baby, oh my god I missed you— hey fuckin, Jeff!! Look at my boyfriend, how hot is he? I got a cute ass boyfriend, wow, I feel so much better now I get to talk to you again. How are you, sweetheart? I hope you’re okay.”

Steve’s heart fucking bloomed. He feels nauseous he’s so fucking in love.

“What are you doing, Ed’s? You keep looking away from me.”

“I know, a total crime, don’t hate me. I’d much rather look at you, baby— hey shut up, Jeff, let me be in love!” Eddie yelled, tossing a pen at his bandmate across the room, “Sorry, Stevie. Uh, I’m doing some research for some songs I’m writing, making sure I’m not gonna fucking accidentally steal someone’s copyrighted track. Boring stuff, legal stuff, what are you doing?”

“Not much, missing you.”

Eddie chuckles, “God, I miss you too. Want me to come over when I get home? I’d invite you to mine, but these guys always get grouchy after a long drive home and our unit would probably just depress you.”

“Yeah, please.” Steve smiled sweetly, picking at his dinner. They fall into silence for a while, Eddie deep in concentration, his eyebrows furrowed and his tongue poking out over his top lip as he types away on his laptop.

Steve’s got this question gnawing at him. One of those dumb fucking questions that he shouldn’t ask, because it’s stupid. The kind of question that if he asks too many of them, his parter will get pissed off and leave, or yell at him to stop. He’s already asked Eddie one weird question, but it wasn’t even that weird, it still got a strange reaction from Eddie though. Steve didn’t take it as a good one.

Fuck, he can’t help it though, it just starts coming out of his mouth before he can really stop it, “Hey, uh, Eddie…?”

“Yah, light of my life?” He laughs to himself, isn’t looking at the camera so he can’t see Steve begin to blush, thankfully.

“If you became a rich and famous rockstar, would you leave me behind? Be honest.” Steve nodded, “I can take it-“

“Of course not, Stevie.” Eddie said, still looking at his laptop screen, it seems like he barely even thinks about the answer, “Why would I do that?”

“If you were famous, you’d have other options.”

“Yeah, but I have you. Would you leave me, if you got famous?”

“No.” Steve snickers, like it’s obvious. Because it is, because Steve’s attached to Eddie, obviously, Steve loves Eddie more than Eddie loves Steve, probably.

“See, so why would I?” Eddie says simply, a small smile on his face as he looks at Steve like he’s being goofy and weird.

Steve should just shut his mouth before Eddie starts to hate him, but he just can’t, “Well, there are better options for famous people.”

“Not for me.” Eddie says simply, and it kills Steve, genuinely, a fucking stake through the heart in the best kind of way.

“What if you were on a red carpet, and… uh… oh, what if Hugh Jackman hit on you? Would you chose him over me?”

Eddie laughed, “Look, Hugh is hot, but he’s not as hot as you. Have you seen your ass, Stevie?”

Steve flustered, “We- Uh, what about like, Dave from Foo Fighters? He’s really hot.”

“Not my type at all, besides he’s a cheater so ew.”

“Okay…” Steve wonders, “Megan Fox?”

“Gorgeous! But I don’t swing that way.”

“Right, yeah, of course.” Steve sighed, “Oh, you really like Robert Irwin, right?”

Eddie laughed, looked over at Steve on his phone and smiled sweetly, rubbed a hand over his mouth, “Yeah, I like him, he’s cute. Wanna know why?”

Suddenly, Steve feels very jealous. It must show on his face too because Eddie snickers at him, “Uh, why?”

“Because he reminds me of you, dork.”

“What? How?” Steve is baffled.

“He’s cute, I like your little blonde highlights and he’s blonde. And he’s fit like you I guess. But mostly because he’s like, just a good looking chill out dude until you hear him talk, then you realise he’s a huge massive super ultra dork and you can’t help but want to know more about him.” Eddie smiled, turned back to his laptop and Steve watched him scroll through a document through the reflection of his glasses, “If Robert Irwin ever hit on me I’d be flattered as fuck. But I’d kindly reject him, and tell him I’ve got my own dork at home who prepared me for such a moment, by asking stupid questions like would you ever leave me— no Steve. I wouldn’t. Duh. You’re too good of a kisser.”

Steve laughed, let himself feel flustered for a while. Satisfied that he let himself be just the right amount of clingy to let Eddie know that he’s kinda like that, but not too clingy that he scared Eddie away.

“Would you take me with you then? When you’re rich and famous?”

“Oh, you know it baby.” Eddie grinned, “When I’m making millions, you’re quitting your goddamned job and travelling the world with me, and I’ll buy you whatever the fuck you want. I’ll be your full time sugar daddy no doubts about it, gorgeous.”

Steve loves this guy so much. “Yeah, sure, you can be my sugar daddy the day you figure out how to ask me how to touch your dick without stuttering and blushing and hiding in my neck about it.”

Eddie stuttered, clearly caught off guard as he began to choke on air. Steve could hear his friends in the room around Eddie begin to laugh and make fun of him. Steve laughed with him, because Eddie knows how Steve feels about that, he knows that Steve likes how shy Eddie got in bed.

Steve thinks it’s incredibly hot, a guy so confident and out there reduced to a stuttering mess the second he gets a “hot” guy in bed, as Eddie said.

Eddie’s friends begin to heckle and tease him for a bit, and Steve listens in silence as his boyfriend fights with the lot of them.

“Hey, Eddie?” Steve asks, once they’re calmed down and quiet again.

Eddie sighs, rolls his head away from his laptop and over to look at Steve, Steve hates this. Eddie smiles anyway, even though Steve is sure he’s faking it now, and says, “Yes, my love?”

He wants to take it back. He wants to shut his mouth.

“Never mind.” Steve shakes his head.

“No, my love. Ask me, go on. It was a follow up question to the whole fame thing, right?” Eddie shrugged, “I only sighed because you should know that how I feel isn’t something so easily raptured by a mere celebrity.”

“Oh…” Steve nodded, thought about that for a moment. Wondered if anyone else in his situation would have known that, maybe he’s just insecure, too insecure, Eddie’s bound to get annoyed by it. It seems like he already is. “I was just going to ask if you’d ever write a song about me?”

Eddie smiles, blushes, and it’s so sweet, “I already have, Stevie. Three.” He looks back at his laptop, groans and Steve sees in his glasses reflection that Eddie closes all the tabs he’s looking at in anger, “Yah, you’re so easy to write love songs about to be completely honest. But no, I’m not telling you anything about them. You’ll hear when they’re ready.”

Steve is over the moon, “Okay.”

Silence again. He watches Eddie open up a new application, Steve recognises as his music app thing. He makes demos and back tracks with it, which is cool. Eddie begins to play around with if a bit, and Steve listens to the noise and wonders what song Eddie’s trying to create.

He’s got that urge again. God, he’s so clingy. Steve can’t stand how clingy he is, no one can. It’s only a matter of time before Eddie’s telling him he’s too clingy and walking out the door.

He really can’t help himself. Maybe he’s just self destructive.

“Eddie, would you tell the world I was your boyfriend, if you get famous?”

“Yup.” Eddie nodded, “But they’d only know your name, and your face, and how much I love you. Don’t want you getting stalked by weirdos— you know, if I get famous enough that people want to stalk my boyfriend.”

Steve thinks that’s really sweet of him, especially since he had that rolling off the top of his tongue, no thinking time needed.

“Well… would you take me to all your A lister parties and events?”

“If there’s no plus one option, I’m not going sweetheart. Wouldn’t want you sitting at home, worried.”

“What would you do if a celebrity like… hmm, Eddie Van Halen hit on me?”

Eddie grinned, “Then I’d say you’re seeing ghosts, sunshine.”

“If he were alive, though?”

“Then… I’d think it’s awesome that we have something in common, you’re our type— oh! And then you’d get to say you were hit on by two guys named Eddie who played guitar super good.”

Steve laughed, “Would you introduce me to Sabrina Carpenter?”

“It would be the first thing I’d do.”

“Would you get jealous if she hit on me?”

“Oh yeah.” Eddie nodded, “I’m gay as fuck and I’d still take her out on a date, you know, she’s pretty. She’s like, the girl version of you. Anyway I’d be super jealous and heartbroken but I’d tell you to take your chance.”

“Seriously?”

“Yup.” He assured, “You will be hearing from me, I’ll be that crazy ex just waiting for you two to break up. I’d sabotage so bad, but I’d just want you to be happy. But I would hate if that was without me.”

Steve smiled, “Imagine if we were animals? Would you still fall in love with me if we were both little otters or something?”

“Yup, I’d be head otter heals for you.”

Steve laughed, “Dude, you’re so lame.”

“Don’t call me dude whist asking these clingy ass questions.” Eddie snickered out, and Steve shut up.

He swallowed. Stared hard at the camera and tried to surpress his sudden urge to cry.

“You get so fucking clingy sometimes.” Eddie muttered, quiet enough that his friends couldn’t hear him, “I genuinely didn’t think someone could get this clingy.”

Steve hates him.

He’s about to shut off the call when he sees something flash in Eddie’s glasses, squints to get a better look at whatever is on Eddie’s screen.

“Hey, uh, forgot to mention my uncle had this watch he thought you might like— cause I got one, but you don’t wear silver do you?”

“Nope, never.” Steve shook his head, bile rising in his throat, he can’t figure out what’s taken up all of Eddie’s attention, “Tell him thanks though.”

“Got it.” Eddie muttered to himself, pressed enter on his keyboard, and a webpage popped up with large images of golden band rings.

“What are you doing?” Steve wonders quietly.

“Huh? Oh, just mixing some music still, like I was before. Just trying to think up what I should do next.”

Steve is not that stupid. He knows Eddie’s lying. He’s lying so hard right now.

Eddie grabs his phone, pulls it close to his face so Steve can only see from his nose up, and he begins tapping away at his screen.

“Sorry, I’ll put you down in a sec, cutie, just checking something.”

With this closer angle, Steve can see very clearly what Eddie’s checking on his phone. He’s checking his bank account.

He’s checking his bank account, looking back at the web page of rings on his laptop, then pondering something in his head.

“Everything okay, Eddie?”

“Yup, just thinking up some lyric changes. Got them all written in my phone, I’ll put you down now.”

He’s such a liar, Steve’s just confused. And hurt.

“Why are you so quiet?” Eddie wondered, his phone back down on the table like it was before, eyes back on his laptop as he scrolls through rings, “Are you okay?”

“Yep.” Steve nodded.

Eddie sighed, “Hey, would you still love me if we were animals? You never answered back.” Eddie said, “What if I was an otter and you were a little fishy?”

Steve hesitates, “You’d probably eat me.”

“I’d eat you right now, Steve.” Eddie said flatly, then he ducked his head and whispered, “I miss the taste of you. I love kissing you- Hey, can I suck your dick sometime? Been thinkin’ about it.”

“Oh, now you’re brave enough to ask whilst you’re a million miles away and not even looking at me?”

“Yup.” Eddie snickered, froze for a moment with his brows furrowed, clicked on a ring and zoomed in on it, glanced between his laptop and Steve a few times. “Uh, sorry, what were we talking about?”

Steve can see the description of the ring he’s looking at. He can see, clear as day, the description reads (backwards): “Solar - Gold embossed engagement ring.”

Steve can’t believe this. Eddies looking at engagement rings. Is he looking at engagement rings?

“How much do you love me?” Steve asked, a vomit of words.

Eddie smiled, hung his head like he’s all embarrassed about it, “A lot, Stevie baby. A lot.” Eddie chuckled, “I can’t believe I get you all to myself. Not to be poetic or anything, but my life was a dark, empty night sky before I met you, and then suddenly my life was summer sun, gorgeous. You’re my sunshine, right?”

“Right.” Steve nodded, “I love when you call me that.” He squints at the reflection in Eddie’s glasses and can make out the pattern of the sun embossed on the ring.

“God, I miss you.” Eddie sighs, adds the ring to his shopping cart and keeps scrolling.

Jeff walks behind Eddie on his way out of the kitchen and stops in his tracks, walks over.

“Just working on that song, look good?” Eddie asks, and Jeff leans down on his shoulder, “I think if I add this in, this take could be the one. What do you think? Or do you think I’m being too stupid? Is it too soon for that big moment?”

Oh, fuck, he’s really looking at engagement rings.

Jeff smiles, squeezes Eddie’s shoulder encouragingly, “I mean, yeah, in theory. But you’ve never done anything by the book, and all your best choices have been a little crazy like that. If you feel it’s the right choice, and will work well with the music, then yeah, by all means.”

Eddie gins, looks back at Steve, “Yeah, it’s definitely the right choice.”

Jeff snickers, wonders off shaking his head, and Eddie looks so giddy as he takes one last look at the ring.

Eddie’s thinking about proposing to Steve.

“Don’t you think I’m clingy?” Steve blurted out, catching Eddie completely off guard.

Eddie glanced at him, sighed, carefully shut his laptop and set his attention on Steve, “Well, yeah? You are clingy.” Eddie shrugged, “Dude, you don’t understand how lucky I feel, I think. I like that. I mean, you love me so much that you wanna cling to me like a fucking koala. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten bored of me yet.”

Oh.

Oh, Steve feels so warm and fuzzy inside.

“I love you so much.” He mumbles, brings the phone close to his face to virtually kiss Eddie, “Do you want to move in with me?”

“What?” Eddie stuttered out, “Uh, are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious in this conversation and also about this relationship. About you.”

“Fuck.” Eddie sighed, laughed a little delirious, “Yeah, yes, I do. I’d love that, sunshine.”

“When you get back then. Just… just come over and don’t leave.” Steve nodded, “We can talk more then, about us, and everything. I just want you around me always.”

“God, Stevie, you don’t know how much I feel that in my heart.” Eddie said, two hands pressed over his heart to swoon a little.

Steve doesn’t tell him that he knows of Eddie’s plans, and five months later, when the special day comes, Steve doesn’t tell him that he’s already seen the ring. Though, he does mention it in his vowels, tells everyone watching just how much harder that evening made Steve fall in love with Eddie. That he couldn’t believe someone was falling so hard, so fast, just as he was.

Steve never doubted another relationship again, purely because his only relationship from then on was with Eddie.

He’d never felt as secure as he does with Eddie, since that night, never second guessed his intentions, never doubted their love.

They’re mutually head otter heals for each other. Robin was right, Eddie is the one.

#🦇 Stranger Saturdays 🦇#Eddie is SO in love #Steve asking him those questions makes his heart beat faster than a jack hammer #he’s also never been in love like that before #they move at the pace of lesbians it shocks Robin to her core #they’re married just after their one year anniversary #and they live happily ever after #the only thing Eddie thinks when Steve drops the bomb that he saw Eddie searching for rings online that night through the reflection of his #glasses is ‘oh wow he’s so observant 😍😍😍’#Steddie #ficlet #mini fics #Steve x Eddie #clingy Steve #demisexual Eddie #steve harrington #Eddie munson #they’re just meant to be your honour #jay writes

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catssluvr · 2 days ago

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dating pre-crash travis headcanons <3

꩜ Is a bit closed off earlier in the relationship but once Travis starts getting more and more comfortable around you there’s nothing that can make him shut up.

꩜ Doesn’t have much of a big friend group and you are his absolute best friend, no one knows more about him than you. Needs to vent? You. Has news? It’s you he’s running to tell. Is excited? Will yap to you.

꩜ Loves to hang out in his bedroom while listening to some music and reading comic books - well, he mostly reads them while you read whatever you like.

꩜ Lets you draw doodles all over his arms when you’re bored in class, smiling sickly in love as you do hearts and your initials together.

꩜ Sooo teasing when he wants to, smiles smugly as he makes you so flustered you can’t even utter a word like normal.

꩜ Follows you around like a puppy everywhere and pretends to be offended when anyone mentions it but he actually doesn’t care at all, will gladly call himself yours.

꩜ Holds your hand at any chance he gets. On the bus home, walking in the school halls, under the table in class or dinner. Brushes his thumb against your skin in the softest way.

꩜ So giggly when you’re both alone, does not look like the usual Travis everyone else sees.

꩜ Blushes so deep whenever you use certain pet names like ‘baby’ or ‘love’, feeling like his heart is all mushy from love.

“Aww are you blushing, baby?”

“Shut it < :|”

꩜ Acts really tuff around other people but as soon as you show up he immediately turns way softer. This not to say he doesn’t try to act all strong around you too but one look from you and he can’t help but bring his walls down.

꩜ Literally turns putty in your hands whenever you run your fingers through his hair, practically purring and looking the most sleepy ever.

꩜ Feels incredibly special whenever you steal his clothes, doesn’t say a word about it normally but will be looks way more your way that he already does. Is so sure you don’t notice - you do.

꩜ Hates to show you whenever he’s upset and refuses to ever cry in front of you at first because of the whole ‘boys don’t cry’ agenda. But is unable to not crumble when you wrap him in your arms and tell him gentle words.

꩜ Travis’ favorite way of cuddling is laying on top of you with his head on your stomach, nuzzling into your soft skin and placing a kiss there from time to time. Looks way more adorable than he thinks with his cheek smushed and lips slightly parted.

꩜ Is like a teenager when it comes to making out, is in to do it at any time. And he doesn’t even necessarily want anything else, he just really likes kissing you.

꩜ Has a cassette with all your favorite songs and plays it whenever he’s missing you or if you’re away for a few days. Would never ever tell you about it though.

꩜ Is a fan of giving you gifts but doesn’t like to make a big deal out of it. Slips a letter inside your locker or leaves a necklace he bought for you on top of your bed before he leaves for your house. Likes to slip the little bunch of flowers he picked up on his way to school into your hand quietly.

꩜ Are much probably his first everything. His first kiss, his first girlfriend, his first time. Really holds a lot of devotion and trust for you because of that.

꩜ Travis is so freaking loyal to you, will lie for you without a second thought. There’s also not a chance he will cheat on you, this man loves you too much to do that.

꩜ Gets so sulky when you two have a fight and give each other the silent treatment. Ends up forgetting all his stubbornness and running to apologizing to you.

꩜ Will love it if you have a good relationship with Javi, even if he doesn’t admit it out loud. Really likes that you’re like a second sister to him and might even feel envious of how easily you can communicate with him.

#travis martinez x you #travis yellowjackets #travis martinez #travis martinez x reader #yellowjackets x you #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets

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cherryblossms · 49 minutes ago

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"he's probably predisposed to not like me because of your feelings for me. knowing the person you like likes somebody else, lots of jealousy rises there." something garam knew from experience, what's stopped him from being friends with a lot of his past partners' friends. even though he, himself, held jealousy towards darius and angel's relationship, he was going to try his best not to let that show anymore. "i mean, i wouldn't like it very much if the person i liked had feelings for somebody else." he was sure angel understood given the situation he'd been in for who knows how long. using how he currently felt as experience, his own jealousy arising at the idea of somebody taking angel away from him, it only made him feel more guilty for essentially putting angel in the place he had his entire relationship, at the very least, with axel. garam felt very foolish, though. there wasn't anything to worry about, really, as angel was already distancing himself from darius. he was nervous and acted out for nothing, for the time being anyways. he didn't know when angel would speak to the other man but he also wasn't about to ask as he didn't want to put any sort of pressure on angel into having that talk with darius. he'd just have to live with knowing that angel wouldn't be spending that time alone with him. "but no rush on that talk happening." his tone nonchalant to subtly further express his distaste for darius. while garam did want to know more about angel's other friends and possibly find friendship in them as well, getting all close and personal with darius wasn't very high on his list of things he truly wanted. the root of why he wanted to know darius better was because of the whole know thy enemies thing. "as much as i'd like to get know him, i much prefer having you all to myself." he was being selfish, he knew that but he didn't care much since angel was willingly putting space between himself and his friend. when angel brought up their little pizza date, though he was cautious after what happened when they tried this last time, garam slowly began to smile. he really did want to make that pizza with angel, he wanted to prepare a meal with him, he wanted to enjoy something prepared for him by somebody he sought interest in. "i would really like it if we made pizzas." garam spoke slowly, his tone hushed as if he thought it would hide his excitement but his smile, the way his eyes lit up, how both his cheeks and his ears started to blush, they all betrayed him. "i promise i'll be on my best behavior so we don't end up arguing beyond what to put on top or how many slices we get to have." garam tried to make light of the situation, to show he was trying to move past what they fought about before, to show his interest in this little pizza date. "oh," garam stopped suddenly, turning quickly to face angel, "when do you have to work next? you shouldn't avoid working because of anybody, don't let anybody stop you from living your life as normal." the true reason behind his questioning was because he wanted to be prepared for when he had to be alone in angel's apartment. if he knew when the time was going to come, he could prepare himself for both the momentary solitude and for an escape route if axel decided to show up again. he could possibly invite a friend over, or he could use that time to get his computer set up sorted out and running. he'd also have to figure out what to do for meals. garam couldn't help but smile more at the thought of preparing a meal for angel to come home to.

Angel felt the tightness in his chest loosened when Garam looped his arm through his. That small, simple touch melted away some lingering worries from earlier — the tears, the uncertainty, the way Garam had looked at him like Angel was something distant and unattainable. Angel didn’t want that. He wanted to be here, real and reachable and his. The way Garam asked about Darius made Angel’s heart tug in an entirely different way. Garam wasn’t trying to start something; Angel could hear the careful effort in his voice, the way he shaped the question to be warm, and inviting. It was clumsy, but in a way that made Angel's chest ache with affection. Garam wanted to try — for him. Angel squeezed Garam’s arm gently, leaning in closer as they moved through the store, the weight of the shopping bags barely noticeable compared to the lightness he felt inside. “Usually we just hang out and watch dumb movies,” Angel said, smiling. “Sometimes we go thrift shopping, or he’ll drag me to some weird new cafe he found online. He’s... I dunno, he’s got a good heart, even if he acts all tough and sarcastic.” He chuckled, glancing sideways at Garam, his eyes soft. “I think you guys could get along, honestly. He’s just... you gotta catch him at the right time, you know?… He was there for me that night. He’s always sort of been there since we started working together. Especially when I didn't want to drink alone. Ah, that's another thing he as drink like a fish. Never accept a drinking challenge from him. Geez I've learned the hard way too many times” Angel slowed them down a little, pretending to look at a display of keychains just so he could take a second to breathe at this moment. Garam — with his messy armful of clothes, the little gap where his shirt hung open exposing a teasing sliver of skin, the way he was looking at Angel like he wanted to be better, to be good — it almost overwhelmed him. Angel knew Garam was carrying things he hadn’t said yet. Secrets. Fears. Maybe even guilt. He could feel it pressing against the edges of their time together, the way Garam sometimes looked at him like he didn’t deserve to stay. But Angel also knew what it meant for someone like Garam to be trying at all. “We’ll invite him over sometime, right now I've been avoiding him since yesterday. Changed a couple of shifts. He needs to feel my absence for a while” Angel said warmly, tugging Garam a little closer. “Maybe for a movie night or something after him and I talk. No pressure.” He wanted to make it easy for Garam to stay. Wanted him to feel like he could stay. Darius was a great friend and he would hate to lose him. But he was also aware of how the man talked about and treated Garam. Which wasn't right. Angel caught the slight shift in Garam’s body — the tension that hadn’t quite disappeared — and he wondered, briefly, what was weighing on him so heavily. He decided not to push. Garam would tell him when he was ready. Angel would just... be here when that moment came. “You are so cute, you know that?” Angel murmured, almost too quiet to hear over the noise of the store. He meant it. Every word. He leaned down pressing a gentle kiss to the side of the man’s head as they finished the transaction and headed to the next store. “I have some spare toiletries at the house. Let's grab this camera and head home. We've had an eventful day…I’m pleased you bought the sweater. Baby you have no idea how good you looked in it.” he did his best to lighten their mood, wanting to turn their back around. They were about to go at it in the dressing room, and now Angel could feel the distance between them. “Do you have an idea for dinner? We never did get to those pizzas. Should we give it another go?”

#threads #thread: garam #thread: garam & angel #ang3lmoans

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unreasonablerobin · 1 day ago

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BED CHEM

Nightwing x Reader x Starfire

Synopsis: Their lover comes home from a mission, exhausted, but they've been away for 2 weeks! Being the loving partners they are, they take care of you.

W.C: 2.4k

Tags: Smut ♤ Dom!Nightwing, Dom!Starfire, Sub!Fem!Reader, oral (f receiving), p in v, grinding/humping (brief), threesome/poly relationship, somnophila

Dick and Kori couldn't wait until their lover got home. It had been two painstakingly slow weeks without them. They agreed that they'd give their lover whatever they wanted the moment they stepped through the door.

The sound of heavy footsteps filled the apartment complex hallway as you trudged in. Your busted-up and untied combat boots dragged along the tile floor towards the elevator. Once inside you leaned back against the wall for support and stared at the buttons for way too long before pressing your floor number.

Dropping your head back it hit the elevator wall with a thud and you whinced ever so slightly. You swore this elevator ride was taking longer than usual, but maybe that's because you don't have two golden retrievers barking about this and that in your ear. You love your girlfriend and your boyfriend dearly, but they could both be a lot. You groan at the thought of all the possible things awaiting you in your shared apartment. You adored them, but my god you were way to tired. You just wanted to relax.

The elevator dinged and you sighed contently, your bed was so close. Pushing yourself off the wall and stumbling into the hallway like some drunk ballerina, you made your way to your apartment door. As quickly as you could. Which wasn't that fast, but you were trying!

You leaned against the doorframe and you shovelled through your pocket to find your key. The hoop of keys and key chains jiggled in your grasp as you unlocked the door.

Stepping inside felt like heaven. The familiar smell of your lovers' cologne and perfume. It was warm and cosy. You shut the door with a sigh. It felt so good to be home. It felt even better to see your two favourite people skid around the corner to greet you in the entrance.

"Sunny!" Kori'ander squealed running over to you, arms outstretched.

She embraced you in a tight hug that lifted you off the ground. Due to height your face got pushed straight into her chest. Not that you were mad about it or anything, it was comfy there. As you pulled your face out from her chest you saw the shadow of a man approach. A family one, thank fuck. Your loving boyfriend Dick, came to the side of you and gave your cheek a kiss.

"Welcome back sweetheart." He muttered into your ear. All you could do was smile.

"Uh, Kori? Do you wanna put them down?"

Kori looked at Dick like he just asked her to shoot you. "Of course not! Why would I do such a thing?"

"Sweetie, they still have there boots on." Dick said blankly.

Kori reluctantly put you down with a frown, her muscular arms still on you as they wrapped around your arm. Dick's reminder that you still had your boots on made you want to cry. Thankfully he can practically read your mind. Before you could move, he had gotten down and began undoing your laces for you.

"Thank you." You tried to speak normally but it came out as a whisper, followed by a yawn.

Once he'd taken off your boots and out them on the rack, his arms made there way around your thighs. He hoisted you up. You let out a very quite squeal of suprise.

"Cmon let's get you to bed." He peered around you as he made his way to bedroom. Kori following suite with her hand in yours and a happy smile.

He dropped you onto the bed and stood between your legs that dangled off the edge. He was trying not laugh at the face were pulling. Squinted eyes and something that couldn't decipher whether it was a frown or a smile. The sank behind you as Kori sat down closer to the headboard. Dick walked over to the dresser to get you a pair of pyjamas. He heared you groan, probably after remembering that you had to take all your gear off. He and Kori couldn't help but watch in amusement as you started to kick off articles of clothing and chuck them on the floor. Tomorrow's problem.

"Allow me to help." Kori crawled across the bed and positioned herself behind you. Looking over your shoulder, down towards your chest where you were struggling with the buckle of a harness.

'Fuck, that's hot.' Dick thought as he stood to the side with your pyjamas in hand. He watched as Kori stared at your neck before eventually giving in and kissing all over it. She sighed in contentment as her hands rested on your tense shoulders. It was almost like the tension left you and wandered over to him. Instead of being in his shoulders though, it was in his pants. He watched as you leaned back against Kori. A few red curls and a bra blocked his perfect view though. Your hands lazily fidgeted with the button of your trousers. Dick made his way over and helped you remove your bottoms, leaving you in your underwear. Kori suckled at your neck as Dick sat before you, a large hand on your jaw. He leaned forward and pressed his lips onto yours. It was a sweet kiss, especially coming from a man with a hard-on he desperately wanted to satisfy. You told yourself no. You were exhausted and battered from the hell of a mission. Not tonight you thought as you kissed your boyfriend and allowed your girlfriend to bring you into her lap.

Your senses had gone haywire. The only things you could see were your own tears and black spots coating your vision. The only thing you could smell was sweat. The only things you could hear were your moaning and Kori's sighing. The only things you could feel were Dick's hands and lips on every accessible part of you and Kori's tongue.

Your back was pressed against Dick's bare chest. Your boyfriend's big, calloused hands roamed every inch of you. He caressed, squeezed and slapped. His lips were the same, roaming every inch of you. No one would be able to decipher what was from your mission or tonight. Usually, you'd tell the addict to be careful; you didn't want people to see evidence of your private affairs. You were too tired to care. Also to indulge in the pleasure Kori was giving you. She'd thrown your wobbly legs over her broad shoulders. They were just hanging there now, spasming occasionally. Her hands gripped your thighs, pushing them apart to make room for her abnormally long tongue. Had to be one of you and Dick's favourite things about her. You swore that tongue was some kind of key to heaven, your folds being the keyhole. Fits perfectly.

Kori sighed a hot breath into you. Her face contorted with satisfaction. "I missed you so much my sunbeam. " She pulled away for a fraction of a second to breathlessly speak. She dived back into ravishing you immediately. Like her life depended on it. Her tongue sloshed inside you, flicking against all the right places. Her hand kneaded your thighs as if they were some sort of stress ball. Much like how Dick's hand kneaded your breasts. Your hands lazily held onto his wrists. His lips were attacking your neck. Your beautiful skin is now covered in many dark blemishes. You could feel Dick's erection against your ass. You were lowkey grinding against him simply from the sheer force of Kori trying to deep-throat your pussy with her tongue.

"Ugh, don't stop." Dick groaned in your ear.

The black spots in your vision only got bigger as your moans got louder. They were breathless and weak, but still loud enough for the other two to be satisfied with them. You sucked in a sharp breath and began to weakly squirm in their strong grips. Your breaths were becoming ragged and tears were spilling from your eyes. Kori smiled against you as you whimpered. She gripped your legs tighter to stop them from closing and spasming. Dick's arms grasped you tighter, his hips rocking into your backside. Your vision began to blur and your ears rung in the distance. A few taps from your shaking hand hit Dick's hand.

"Sweetheart? You okay?" He muttered as his rocking came to a slow. Kori didn't hear you, too engrossed in eating you out.

"I, I'm gonna..." You stuttered pathetically.

"You're gonna cum?" Dick teased as his rocking pace picked back up.

"No, I, I'm..." Your voice trailed off as your eyes rolled back. From pleasure or fatigue you don't know but you sagged into Dick's arms, unconscious.

Kori looked up from in-between your legs, noticing your lack of movement. Her and Dick looked at eachother and then back to you, panicking.

"She's still breathing," Dick said followed by some delicate snores.

"Is she asleep?" Kori asked bewildered. She sat up and wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. She carefully crawled over you to get a closer look at your face.

"She is asleep!"

"But, she has not reached the climax yet." Your girlfriend sounded so saddened by your lack of pleasure.

Dick was going to say something but you began to stir. Your eyes fluttered open, still drooped and clearly exhausted. Kori took your body into her arms. Hugging you tightly like you might fade away right in that moment.

"I'm so sorry my sunbeam!" She began. "It was my idea and I should have listened when you said you were too tired!" The poor woman looked like she could cry.

"No, it's..." You crumbled in her arms. "Fine."

Both of your lovers held you gently, waiting to see if you'd say more or fall back asleep. All they got was an annoyed groan.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Dick whispered.

"Keep going." Your forehead rested on Kori's shoulder and your eyes looked like they were on the verge of shutting.

"Huh?" The two questioned in unison.

"Even if I fall asleep again," you stated in an infirm tone. "Please?" Your begging came out as a pathetic whine.Before they could respond you were out again. Your naked body leaning against Kori's.

"May we switch my moonbeam?" Kori held your sweaty body against hers protectively. Dick could tell she was worried about you but that she also wanted to fulfill your wish. He knew the best solution was for him to take over and let Kori baby you.

"Of course sweetie." He leaned in and they shared a brief kiss. Kori and Dick shuffled around, switching positions. Not once did Kori's hands leave your body. She laid on her back with your sleeping figure on top of her. Your head rested on her bare chest. She had an arm around your waist and another on your shoulder blade, both soothingly caressing your body. You stirred in your sleep but didn't wake up. Dick positioned himself behind you, his hands gripped your hips as he inserted his cock into your folds. You were soaked from Kori's job earlier.

"Oh fuck..." He groaned as he slid in out of you. His thrusts got heavier as he got more comfortable with your now semi-unconcious body. The feeling of his pelvis slapping against your ass had slightly woken you up. You were in a very dreary state. Snapping in and out of conciseness. It was like you'd woken up from a spontaneous mid day nap. You moaned and whimpered into your girlfriend's chest, her breasts serving as pillows for your sleepy head. She managed to pull you even closer into her. Your clit barely rubbing against hers from the force of Dick pounding into you.

"You feel so fucking good sweetheart." Dick thrusted into you desperately. "I missed you so bad." He whined and folded forward. Kori took a hand in hers as he began to press feverent kisses to your shoulder and neck. Your back arched and pressed your clit closer to Kori's. She moaned in your ear at the pressure. The pleasure was getting you and teats welded your eyes, sleep beginning to overcome your body again.

"You are okay sunbeam." She hummed and kissed you. Her plump lips encapsulated yours. You sighed as her tongue swiped across your bottom lip. Before you could voluntarily open your mouth Dick thrusted rather hard causing a high pitched gasp to come out of you. Kori slid her tongue in. The pleasure, the exhaustion from the mission and now the lack of oxygen was really taking a tole on your brain. Kori pulled away alowing you tk catch your breath.

"Oh my god..." You panted and squeezed your eyes shut. Shoving your face back into Kori's chest. Your body felt fuzzy and your head felt dizzy. Not one proper thought was flowing through. No thoughts at all when you began to feel a knot form inside you. The tip of Dick's cock hitting the right spot. Kori's strong arms lifted your torso up slightly, just enough for her hand to slip through and rub circles on your clit. That was it. Not even five seconds later you were sent over edge. A pathetic moan left your lips, sending a vibration through Kori's body. You shook as you climaxed. Tears spilled down your face.

"Oh shit sweetheart!" Dick moaned as his cock continued to stroke against your walls. Riding out your orgasm as his came. Kori's hand had found her own bud of nerves and she quickly followed. Mostly getting off your pleasure. You'd passed out almost immediately after your release. Kori held you close as Dick went to get a cloth to clean you and Kori up. She rolled onto her side and gazed lovingly at your sleeping face. She gave a gentle kiss to your sweaty forehead. Dick emerged from the bathroom with a wet cloth and cleaned your and Kori up before pulling the sheets over you two and slipping in behind you. They snuggled you between them.

"We should do breakfast in bed for them." Dick suggested, his voice muffled by your shoulder.

"Why would we make breakfast in bed? We have a kitchen."

Dick deadpanned Kori, a chuckle escaped him a moment later as he stared at her confused face.

A/N: Just a tad bit of a switch up from my last post! Just a little, itty bit🤏

Don't really like this that much but I wanted to post something.

#dc x reader #dick grayson x y/n #dick grayson x you #dick grayson x reader #starfire x y/n #starfire x you #starfire x reader #nightwing x y/n #nightwing x you #nightwing x reader #koriand'r x y/n #koriand'r x you #koriand'r x reader #nightwing x reader x starfire #Dickory x reader #dick grayson x reader x kori'ander #fem!reader

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rosenclaws · 1 day ago

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How he comforts you when you're upset.

this is the second request from the anon ask u can find here!

Origins Logan -

He pulls you into his lap and holds you real tight. He clocks you being upset instantly because he can hear it. He hates seeing you upset. So he really tries to make you feel better. He doesn't push you to talk but he will just be there with you. He'll play with your hair or scratch your back or just do something to help take your mind off things. He kisses you nice and soft and wipe away any tears.

Trilogy Logan -

Low key all you need from trilogy Logan is just a big bear hug and it will probably fix anything that's wrong. You try to hide that you're upset but Logan can tell. Things seem off and he probably lurks around you until you finally give in and tell him what's wrong. He makes jokes to try and get you to smile and tells you he'll deal with anyone if they're the reason you're upset. But in the end he'll just give you cuddles and a little extra PDA to make you happy.

DOFP Logan -

He wants you to tell him what's wrong so he can try and help. Sometimes things can't be helped and it's just a bad day so he does his best to do things to make you feel better. Makes you tea or makes you a snack. He might try and be like "man these kids are awful at history" and show you the terrible essays they handed in to see if it makes you laugh at all. There's a lot of similarity with all the Logan's though in the sense that usually the best thing he can do is just hold you. So I can see DOFP Logan sitting you in his lap while he grades and lets you vent or just lets you hold onto him. Whatever makes you feel better.

Old Man Logan -

He's not the best with comfort but he tries. He's not home a lot so its hard to always be there for you but he does have a phone and sometimes if he's in between jobs he'll call you to check up on you. He also stops at some run down gas station and grabs your favorite candy or maybe a canned coffee for the next morning. Money is tight but Logan doesn't mind taking an extra ride to get you something nice. When he is home it's mostly just cuddles.

Worst Logan -

I think he panics at first. Like what does he know about making someone feel better? He's a mess himself there's no way he can help you too. He worries about saying or doing the wrong thing but he's so wrapped up in his worry that he doesn't get that he is the perfect person to help. He might not know the perfect thing to say to make it all better but he knows that sometimes you just need a hug or to talk. He's not a talker but he can listen and offer you a beer. Like I'm picturing sitting on the apartment balcony sharing a root beer or beer and he's got his arm around you and your head is on his shoulder and it's just peaceful.

#logan howlett #logan howlett x reader #wolverine x reader #logan howlett headcanons

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meanbossart · 21 hours ago

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Some more asks about Izzantar and Grodderick!

Some general Insight about their relationship can be found here, the two paragraphs below concerning their dynamic specifically:

Grodderick and Izzantar are, in a lot of ways I suppose, the opposite of DU Drow and Astarion; bedroom habits included. While the protagonists of this blog have no particular dynamic that they stick to, the latter have roles that they feel most comfortable in and rarely abandon them, which is also perfectly okay.

Izzantar likes to be taken care of in bed. He prefers a partner who takes responsibility into their own hands and do what they want, when they want it. If he's unhappy with something, he will voice that discontentment; but he will be the unhappiest if you constantly seek his approval or guidance to do everything. As a male drow who was popular with the matrons, this is probably a dynamic he grew used to and feels at home with. If he's bedding with you, his body is already yours and you can do with it what you will. He also bottoms 100% of the time and is pretty indifferent to the involvement of his own genitalia in the endeavor, and the more time he spends away from drow and the Underdark, the more he settles on taking care of that part of the exchange himself.

Grodderick as a man is pretty malleable, but he fits into Izzantar's preferences fairly well as someone who is very confident in bed, and will happily take the wheel. Ironically, while Izzantar perceives himself as being extremely easy to please, Grodderick thinks otherwise - the drow expects a lot of particular behaviors out of the half-orc without actually voicing those preferences beforehand, like the taking of absolute control, apparent disregard for his own pleasure and overly rough play. Like I said, Grodderick is confident - but he's not an arrogant asshole or somehow unaware that he has at least 200 pounds on the drow.

But through communication everything is possible and the two do reach a kind of middle ground. By the time they're married, Izzantar is a much softer, less demanding person, and Grodderick has grown to understand that his requests for egoism are very much still for his pleasure and comfort.

Game Izzantar came after the creation of the character, and by then I did already have a voice-claim in mind (Thomas Brodie-Sangster! After puberty, obviously.) I picked BG3's Voice 1 for him which honestly I find quite similar LOL so either one works!

He does! VERY rarely, however. He usually looks either completely stoic or a little pissed off, but a little 😏 isn't so rare. He also laughs, believe it or not. That said, big ol' earnest smiles are indeed rare, and probably something he reserves for private moments. It's not really a response to his negative life experiences as much as just a personal quirk - he has a minor facial tick and I think being overly aware of his facial expressions became a habit because of it.

I might change this in the future, but at least as of right now he never takes any steps to change his physicality nor does he ever see what he is doing as "changing" anything in the first place, if that makes sense. He presents female, his husband calls him wife, people assume that he's a woman and are never told otherwise. In regards to his voice, he speaks a little softer in public but mostly I just like to think that voice pitch wouldn't be particularly demonstrative of sex or gender in Faerun.

#ask #izzantar godseck #Grodderick #ask compilation

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slowdrawl · 2 days ago

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| Everybody Loves Contractors | AU NO OUTBREAK| JoelMiller X f!reader |

She’s got a fixer-upper, trauma, and an attitude problem. Joel’s got calloused hands, a tool belt, and a soft spot for crazy. This is going to go great. "He hums, and he’s so close that you can practically feel the vibration on your ear. Suddenly, you are acutely aware of the proximity between you. He’s practically got you caged between him and the wall; the realization makes you light-headed. A shiver rolls down your shoulders, landing low in your spine. You shrug it off and turn around." a/n Here's the start of a new series because of there's one thing I'm gonna write it's flirty!Joel with lots of banter cuz it's my AU and ur just livin' in it (if u want 2)

| Warnings | Explicit language, sexual tension, mutual pining, age gap, a little angst, mentions of DV (not described, not Joel), mentions of PTSD, mentions of death, Joel being Joel, etc. Please read responsibly.

The house smells like mildew and anger.

It’s written in the walls, literally. Holes punched through drywall, baseboard peeling at the edges. There are cat scratch marks on the inside of the laundry room door, it still smells like ammonia. The smallest bedroom has pencil marks in the doorframe, little ticks with dates scrawled next to them. Someone’s poor kid grew up here. You can’t help but wonder what kind of trauma they took with them in the moving van.

Five months ago, you changed the locks on your old rental and promised yourself never again.

Three months ago, you got the protection order.

Two months ago, they accepted the offer, and you quit your job in Seattle.

And now here you are, two thousand miles away from everything you’ve ever known. Standing in the middle of the living room of your new home, sweating, maybe regretting. Your whole life…or what’s left of it anyway, stacked in boxes along one wall.

You don't know what you expected. Some kind of relief. Maybe. A break in the clouds. One of those cinematic moments where a breeze rolls through the window and the sun hits just right. The kind of moment that makes life feel bearable again, that makes the future look bright and tangible.

Instead, the air is thick, dusty, humming with someone else's ghosts.

You wipe your forehead with the hem of your t-shirt and mutter, "The fuck did I get myself into," to the drywall, like it might actually answer you.

You jump when you hear a knock. Not on the door, but on the siding.

Heavy, loud, maybe a little annoyed.

It makes the whole wall rattle, like it's got opinions or something. You’d almost forgotten that the contractor you hired was supposed to swing by today.

You peek through the window, squinting. He’s already walking backwards away from the door. Clipboard in hand, scanning the place, a frown set into his face like it’s been there since before you were born. He’s in a t-shirt, jeans, work boots. Built like a load-bearing wall, and if you had to guess, probably as friendly as one, too.

You open the door a few inches, and leave the storm door shut. "You the contractor?" you ask, for some stupid reason. Of course he is.

He responds, deadpan, rough Southern drawl, "No, I’m actually here to talk to you about our Lord and Savior." Half a smirk tugs at his mouth, but it settles quick.

"Funny." You let out half a laugh. "God don’t want nothin' to do with me. If you come back with Girl Scout cookies, maybe we can talk." You shake your head, open the door wider. "Miller, right?"

He glances up at you and nods once. "Yes, ma’am. You can call me Joel. You the one that hired me?" Do I look old? Ma’am feels old. I’m like a decade younger than him. Oh god, I need to moisturize.

"I guess so, Sir. You were the only one who answered the ad."

He huffs through his nose. "Figured it’d be worse. Place looks better than it did in the photos, at least."

You raise a brow. "You haven’t even seen inside yet."

"True. I never will if you don’t open the door, darlin’." Oh. Okay. That’s better. Darlin’ is definitely better.

You reach out your hand toward him, introduce yourself. He takes it. His hand engulfs yours. Calloused, hairy, fucking massive. You try to shake like you mean business, your dad’s voice echoing in your head about strong handshakes.

You step aside to let him in. He surveys the place like it’s a crime scene. Probably because it honest to god looks like one.

"No offense, ma’am," he says, looking around. "This place is a mess."

You shrug. "A mess was about all I could afford to buy. Besides, she’s got character." You cross your arms. "That’s why I hired a contractor."

He nods, dragging one of those big-ass hands down a particularly banged-up corner at the living room entrance. "That so?" he laughs. "Maybe we need Jesus to get involved after all—might need a carpenter who knows how to perform miracles."

You huff a laugh. "Well I got cash, not faith. Let’s see what that buys me."

He keeps walking, slow, deliberate, like each creak in the floorboards is telling him something. His eyes scan the water-stained ceiling, the slumped couch you haven’t had the guts to toss yet, the leaning doorframes.

You trail behind him, arms crossed, suddenly aware of the sweat under your bra and how empty your stomach feels. Saltines and gas station coffee aren’t holding up.

"Previous owner leave in a hurry?" Joel asks, toeing a half-unpacked box near the back door.

"If by hurry you mean five years of divorce proceedings and a nervous breakdown, then yeah. Real Irish goodbye."

That earns a quiet chuckle. You glance at him. His expression stays unreadable, but his mouth twitches like it wants to smirk.

He heads to the kitchen sink, turns the knob. The pipes groan. Nothing.

You wince.

He looks over his shoulder. "You been livin’ here without plumbing?"

"I’ve been surviving, thank you very much. It’s called character building." You laugh, “Maybe don’t get too close though.” You pick up the collar of your t-shirt and pretend to sniff it. The joke barely lands, you are indeed visibly sweaty. This is going so well. I love this for meHe looks you up and down, giving you a questioning look. It makes your pulse jump. Something about him is making you even sweatier, and you’re not being very fucking cool about it. “I’ve been staying at an AirBNB. I promise I’ve showered this week.”

He turns to face you fully, arms folded now. Broad as hell. The kind of man who fills a room without trying. "You planning to do any of this work yourself?"

You lift your chin. "Some of it."

He snorts. "You got tools, princess?" Oh…

Wait, no, nope. Not a princess, not into a man being patronizing, even if he looks like this. Get it together. THINK OF THE PATRIARCHY.

"I have… a hammer. Somewhere."

"Mmhm.” he tilts his head, “it pink n’ glittery or what?”

He kneels down, already pulling a multi-tool from his back pocket. "I’ll get some measurements. But just so you know—houses like this? They got a way of showin’ people what they’re really made of. Sooner or later." You sigh, rubbing at your temple, feeling defeated already. “if you don’t want to take the job I understand, just let me know. Because I don’t exactly have time to fuck around here.” “I can do it. Just gonna take time is all.” He stands back up, putting the tool down on the kitchen island, pulling out a measuring tape. “You wanna talk numbers?” What you want to say is, ‘Yes. Yours. Cellphone preferably,’ but you can already taste the rubber from putting your foot in your mouth during this whole damn interaction. So you don’t. You settle on, “Yes, please don’t bankrupt me, I’m fragile.”

“Alrighty then, show me the rest of the place. We can give you a ballpark after I see how fucked up it really is.” You lead the way down the hall, you were smart—or maybe annoying, enough to mark a lot of the things you’ve found to be extra janky with sticky notes. He followed behind you, on your heel, too damn close, making notes on that fuckin’ clipboard the whole time. “Three bedrooms, huh? You got kids back at the BNB?” He asks you as you’re pacing the smallest room. You laugh, shocked. “Nope, no croch goblins, just dreams of somewhere for my friends from back home to stay in when they visit.” You look back at him, “Thinking of turning the other one into a ritual room or something, somewhere I can sacrifice goats n’ shit.” He doesn’t respond, doesn’t flinch. You laugh, awkward this time “I think it’s haunted anyway.” GIRL. WHY ARE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE? “Well, ’m not a witch, or warlock or whatever. But, I might know an exorcist if you really need one.” He replies with a wink. You stutter, “Noted,” and usher him into the bathroom. The bathroom is small, and he follows you in instead of standing in the doorframe. It’s a tight fit for two people, there are probably two feet between you as he surveys the place. He lets out a heavy breath, “Well fuck.” You groan, “Oh god, what is it? Wait. Actually…don’t tell me” You say as you turn around to see what he’s looking at. He’s just staring past you toward the wall beside the shower, the expression on his face tells you he sees something expensive to fix. “You see that?” He says, moving in a bit closer, pointing and reaching his arm past you, placing it on the wall, dragging a finger down. God, I am touch starved.“There is, or at least was a leak in this wall. Probably why the waters turned off. Did your husband…boyfriend, whoever, not get an inspector here before you bought the place?” “See, that would involve having one of those.” “An inspector?”

You pause. “A boyfriend. Last one ended in a protection order and a move halfway across the country.” You laugh, say it like it’s a joke, but it’s not. He doesn’t need to know that , though. If you laugh about it it’s not so real, not so scary. “Didn’t have an inspector either.” He hums, and he’s so close that you can practically feel the vibration on your ear. Suddenly, you are acutely aware of the proximity between you. He’s practically got you caged between him and the wall, the realization makes you light-headed. A shiver rolls down your shoulders, landing low in your spine. You shrug it off and turn around. What in the pornhub is going on? I need some fuckin’ air. You pratically trip over your own feet getting out of the bathroom, you duck under his arm, tossing some half-hearted, vaguely-human sound over your shoulder like “Okaycoolthanksnoted.” Joel says nothing again, just watches you spin away like roadrunner or some other cartoon character with a trauma response. You stumble down the hall, leaning against the opposite wall, trying to look casual and not like you just got a full body flashbang of a panic attack from a MAN explaining water damage. Baby calm the fuck down, he’s just tall!! You grab a loose piece of paper off the ground, fanning yourself with it. It has “TO DO: 1: TRY TO SURVIVE. 2: DON’T CRY” written on it in sharpie. The irony is honestly cinematic. A few seconds later Joel emerges from the bathroom, he’s got his eyes down, scribbling something onto the clipboard. He looks unfazed, like he has no idea that you feel like he was about to go 50 Shades of Plaid on you. “You good?” He asks, low, unreadable again. You freeze. He knows, he fucking knows. You clear your throat. “Oh yeah. Just, uh…tight bathroom. I’m claustrophobic, and allergic to mold, and men. You know, just girlie things.” He stares you down, one brow arched high. You decide to pivot. “Okay, so like…give it to me straight, doc. How bad is it? Realistically. On a scale of one to ‘the screen door is actually a portal to the underworld.’” Joel flips a page on the clipboard. “Well. You’ve got a lot of issues.” “Okay, ouch, didn’t have to just say it like that.” You chuckle, “Now what about the house?” “Couple walls need gutting, bathroom for sure. You got some foundation issues we need to check into, obviously the plumbing is fucked.” He sighs, tracing a line down the page with that dumb pencil, “Obviously it needs new trim, paint. I guess you could do most of that…I can get you the contract ready by Monday.” “Monday! Cool. Everyone loves Mondays, can’t wait.” He huffs something that might be a laugh. Nice. Then it’s silent for a moment, it’s thick and warm and low-key awful. Neither of you is saying anything; the only sound is a ceiling fan rattling its chain around. You catch yourself zoning out on his forearms, watching the veins pop out when he flexes slightly and flicks his tape measure closed. He notices. You know he notices. He finally looks up at you, meeting your eyes. “You sure about this?” he asks, his voice is lower now. Not condescending. Just… careful. You consider lying. About saying yes, of course, you’ve got it all handled. About pretending like this isnt a last-ditch attempt at rebuilding your life from the ground up after everything else burned down. But you’re tired. And this stranger is looking at you like he understands the version of you that doesn’t have it together. So you say, “If I'm being honest, not really. But I don’t have too many options.” Joel nods. “Well, seems like a decent place to start, then.”

Before he leaves, the two of you migrate to the back deck—if you’re even allowed to call it that. It’s less porch, more ominous wooden death trap. You already know this bad boy needs to be re-built. It’s really not on the top of your priority list. Joel takes one look at the wood rot, trails the warped boards and groans heavy from his chest. “You know this whole thing is rotted right?” “Do I look stupid? Mr. Miller?” You reply to him snarky, you’ve given up all grace at this point. Fuck it. Being off-putting and kind of mean is my new thing. You drop yourself down onto a broken pallet, sighing dramatically, swiping your hand across your forehead. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Joel. She’s got character, we’ve been over this.” You hear him mutter something about termites and OSHA violations, then watch as he lowers himself onto the step. He groans like a dad. It sounds like old injuries and unresolved tension.

He flips the paper over again, then, like Blues fuckin’ Clues, he’s listing things off like you didn’t hear it the first time. Plumbing, rewiring, subfloor replacement in the kitchen, and a new water heater. Your ears start ringing with the sound of a cash register, dollar signs flooding your mind. “Then labour?” you ask, voice very brave and not shaking at all. He gives you a number. A rough, but real number. Like five digits real. You nod. “Cool, cool. Totally doable. I’ve always loved bankruptcy, I think it's sexy, honestly.” Joel tilts his head at you like he’s still trying to figure you out. Good luck old man. You see the gears turning in his head, trying to feel out how much of your sarcasm is actually just fear. Scanning your face like he doesn’t know if you’re only half joking, or seconds away from tears. The Joke’s on him. Two things can be true at one time. “I can probably… get a bigger loan,” you mumble, mostly to the coffee can filled with cigarette butts next to you. “You only need one kidney, right? Also, I’m a regular plasma donor, you know where the blood bank is by chance?”

This time he gives you a real look, softer. Something that has dad energy behind it, care mixed with a bit of pity. “I can work with you on the schedule, ‘specially if you’re doin’ some of the demo yourself. Knock her out slower, cut down on the labour cost.” You blink. “Are you offering me a payment plan? Or trying to get me to weaponize a sledgehammer for your own sick enjoyment?”

He shrugs. “Both, mostly.” You watch him stand, groaning again, tucking his clipboard under his arm. The afternoon sun is hitting his hair just right. He pulls the pencil out from behind his ear and walks over to the doorframe like it's his handy dandy notebook. “Hello, Sir, are you about to deface my property?” He writes ten digits down, right onto the trim, no paper. Just rawdogging the wood with graphite. The number is definitely bigger than the estimate he just gave you. He looks back at you, proud like he was just tagging a masterpiece. Or warning the house. “Text me tomorrow,” he says, stepping back and admiring it like it’s something hung in the Lourve. “We’ll go over the schedule then, ok darlin’?” I know it’s just for work but like… Is he into me? I love being delusional. You stare at the frame. “You need me to…make you business cards, set you up an instagram account or something?” He shrugs again, giving you a salute as he walks out the back gate toward his truck. “Fresh outta cards. Pencils don’t need WIFI.” “You need to expand your horizons. Get hip with the kids!” You holler at him, just as you hear the door of the truck slam closed. Jesus, he’s literally one hundred years old. As the afternoon drags into dusk, the cicadas start screaming, signaling you to call it a day. You glance over at the boxes lined up against the wall, spotting one with ‘TOOLS’ written on it in sloppy print. You giggle as you pick it up, you hoist the box up onto the kitchen island, and rip off the tape. When you look inside, you start laughing harder. On top of the pile of junk in there is a hammer. It looks practically brand new, and the base of it… is pink. Joel was right. God I hate that guy already. You put the hammer own onto the counter beside the measuring tape and pause. Joel must have forgotten to grab it on his way out. You grab your phone and car keys, flicking off the lights in the house, double-checking that the front door is locked and head to the back.

You walk onto the porch and squint at the phone number written on the door trim, punching the digits into your cell. You add the new contact, and then hesitate over the message box for a moment before pressing the home button and tucking it away in your pocket.

The Airbnb is quiet, save the aircon whirring in the corner of the room. It’s a pleasant sound, and feeling after a long day sweltering in the house. It’s 9 pm, you’re starving and exhausted. You start to think about the price of the renovation, and the conversation you have to have with the bank tomorrow, sighing. Now that you have an estimate, you realize that you absolutely have no budget to rent this place anymore. Looks like you’re moving into the house ASAP. You groan at the thought of losing your A/C. You'll miss it, but not as much as you’re going to miss a functioning bathtub. You make a mental note to tell Joel tomorrow that you need to start with the plumbing. You walk into the kitchen, throwing your keys down on the dining table, and walk over to the fridge. You scan the shelves and settle on the leftover sitr-fry you ordered yesterday from some hole in the wall, you pull it out along with a beer. You mumble “Please do not give me food poisoning,” like a prayer, as you throw the box into the microwave. When you’re done with your food, you throw the box into the garbage and grab one more beer from the fridge, before dragging your feet toward the bathroom. You run a bubble bath, lighting some candles you picked up from the dollar store the other day. You lower yourself into the water and let it wash over your aching muscles, letting yourself relax into it. You sip your beer and scroll your phone for half an hour, you keep thinking about him. His phone number is there, in your contacts, taunting you. You, along with the help of two beers and a calorie deficit, convince yourself that you should text him. (9:45 PM) You: You forgot your tape measure, genius. It takes him a few minutes to respond, the perfect amount of time for you to start spiraling and regretting hitting send.

(9:51 PM) Joel Miller: You’re bad at listenin’. Said text me tomorrow, instructions too hard, darlin? You roll your eyes at him through the screen. (9:52 PM) You: Fuck u too!! I was just trying to be nice 🙄 (9:54 PM) Joel Miller: sure you are. Don’t need it. (9:55 PM) You: dont need me to be nice? I’ll remember that. Three dots pop up and then, (9:58 PM) Joel Miller: don’t need the tape measure, got more than one.

You hum to yourself, flipping through your brain like a rolodex, trying to find a witty enough response but you arent quick enough (9:59 PM) Joel Miller: don’t remember askin you to be nice, but if this is it im scared to see the opposite. What the fuck does that mean? Fuck it. (10:04 PM) You: see, you say that like you wouldnt secretly love to see me come unhinged. Sounds like a challenge to me, joel. You: Kinda funny you think you’d survive it, though. Most people don’t stick around long enough to see the full show. You stare at your phone for too long, thumb hovering over the unsend button like its a detonator. He doesn’t open it, doesn’t text back. You’re left with the slow, creeping awareness that you said too much. Again. Very on brand.

You dunk your head down into the water, and you immediately regret that too. You sit up, coughing and blowing bath water out of your nose. You really are the epitome of a calm, collected hot girl today. You start to crash out. Is he joking? Flirting? Warning you? Testing your boundaries? Is this just his weird version of small talk? Are you overthinking this? Yes. Absolutely

Is he in bed right now? Reading your texts over and deciding whether he's going to just send you an invoice for a consult and never step foot in your house again? Oh god, is he going to send YOU a restraining order? You pull the plug in the bath, let the water drain out, and turn the tap on, pulling up on the little lever to let the shower pour over your body. You’re lying there, like you're reenacting some dramatic scene in a movie or music video, where someone's lying in the middle of the street getting rained on. Except you’re just on the floor of a tub, contemplating your very existence, considering moving back out of Texas, maybe you could fake your own death. You turn the tap off, and stumble out of the tub, wrapping yourself up tight in a towel, heading for the bedroom. You throw on an old t-shirt and flop into bed, mind still going in circles as you stare up at the ceiling. You go over the texts one more time and cringe harder. Idiot. That last one truly came out sounding a little too honest, even for you. Like a confession, cosplaying as a dare. You put the phone face down on the nightstand and try to rationalize it. Maybe he’s asleep, he’s old, right? Maybe he’s watching some stupid movie. Maybe he read it and is just… stunned silent by your off-putting yet endearing charm. Totally, that's the one.Or maybe, he’s now just deeply, deeply, concerned that his new client has both abandonment issues and a God complex. You silently scream into your pillow, giving up on the Airbnb ceiling, that bitch had nothing to say. Waiting. Still no reply. Sleep starts to take you, as the sound of the aircon and your own heartbeat mixes like white noise, a little too loud in your ears. You fall asleep thinking about baseboards, leaky pipes, and his hands

#joel miller x reader #tlou fanfiction #joel miller smut #tlou smut #joel miller #the last of us #tlou fic #ppcu fics

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retroden-85 · 11 hours ago

Text

Here’s a teaser poster of a project I’ve been working on for quite awhile now!

Tainted Pasts

Just after Thanksgiving break of 1987. Seniors, Jesse Anderson, Olivia Collins, Axel Crawford, and Petra Miller all get back into the groove of their final year of high school. All of them have big dreams to chase and want to leave behind their socially suffocating small town of Beacon Peak, Oregon. The four friends were hoping to have an uneventful senior year, but unfortunately, fate had other plans.

Within a month, attacks and murders all across town start propping up. The killer, getting away Scott-free with almost zero evidence to link them to their brutal crimes. The victims seem random, ranging from high school students, to beloved town residents. The town government and local authorities are overwhelmed and receiving backlash with no one getting put behind bars.

Jesse and the gang decide to take it upon themselves to help with the investigations by simply just finding any clues in their local library archives, anything that could help them find any evidence or links to these murders that might have a deeper meaning to them. Along the way, the four friends recruit another senior named Lukas Woods. He’s an enemy of theirs but with what’s going on with the dire situation, the friends decide to put their rocky beginnings in the past and to help each other in the present to maybe find a way to help the authorities catch the murderer.

Unbeknownst to the five of them, they would get themselves tangled into the revenge plot of a crazed serial killer who has a tainted past with the town and the people who call it home. Not only will the five of them put themselves at risk and into life or death situations, but everyone else around them in their lives will be pulled into as well.

Lots of text below for context! 👇

This is my au Tainted Pasts! It’s a 1980s horror movie inspired au because I have a stupid crazy hyper fixation with the 80s! This au contains a lot and I have so much planned with it, in terms of art and the narrative itself. A lot of characters will be featured from MCSM with the main protagonists being of course ‘The New Order of the Stone.’ And the main villain will be none other than the White Pumpkin!!!

Romance will also heavily be involved with this fic, very specifically and mainly, Jesskas (Green Sus. Jesse X Lukas)

This fanfic wouldn’t be possible without my lovely boyfriend @legendoffreakshit. He’s the one that helped me come up with this wild au in the first place! We’ve been having a ton of fun figuring out the plot of this au, with connecting key major events, figuring out the murderer’s motives, and the roles of the MCSM characters in this universe.

There will also be very heavy topics such as: Violence, Guns, Drugs / Drug Mentions, Blood, Mild Gore, Assault, Alcohol, Period Typical Racism, Period Typical Homophobia, Strong Language, Death / Murder, and etc.

So if any of those warnings bother you, this probably isn’t the au for you because this fic will be HEAVY.

Lastly after what seems like rambling and information all over the place. I’d like to say that this is my first fanfic I’ve ever made. I’ve been doing a lot of research and learning off of friends works on how to write narratively. So, take my fic with a grain of salt with my amateur writing skills. Not to mention, my inconsistency when it comes to posting. There’s chances that chapters could take a long time getting posted. But, I hope that information doesn’t discourage you from checking out my fic! It would mean a lot for just anyone to check it out. It’s something that I’ve worked on for a long time and I’m very passionate about it and excited to share it to the MCSM community despite my severe anxiety.

With that being said, thank you if you’ve read all of this! And if you are looking forward to the fic, chapter one will be releasing very soon! So see ya then!

#mcsm #mcsm au #jesskas #80s slasher au #Tainted Pasts au #mcsm white pumpkin #I rambled so much lmao #autism be damned

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sooohunnie · 18 hours ago

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Baby Blues

Paring: RE2!Leon S. Kennedy x Fem!reader

summary: God makes an example out of you and now you don't know what to do.

tags: fluff, established relationship, friends with benefits, f/m relationship, drabble, RE2! Leon, reader has commitment issues, comfort

CW!!: mention of unprotected sex, pregnancy, mention of abortion, OOC?

------------------------

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

This cannot be happening.

You look down at the positive pregnancy test in your hands. There's no way.

Your luck seemed to turn in a new direction, good or bad depending on a lot of things…and you couldn’t quite decide which way it fell with this specifically.

You sigh, placing the test back down on the counter.

You wouldn’t call yourself irresponsible, not ever. You were as straight laced as a pair of officer boots down at the precinct.

The one time you let yourself do something risky and this is what pops out.

God really wants to make an example of you huh?

“How am I gonna break this to Leon?”

You can already imagine the poor rookies reaction, he’d probably faint on the spot.

…maybe you should have at least a little faith in him.

This was partly his fault! It takes two to tango.

Even if you were the one who suggested no protection…and told him not to pull out…

He’s the one who obliged your insanity.

You two had been “messing around” for the better half of a year now- It was casual…or so you wanted to keep it. It’s not like you had some sort of deep rooted commitment issues and Leon was too much of a doormat to do anything about it. That’d be ridiculous.

…

You felt bad for even insinuating that.

Deep down you knew he was keeping up this casual relationship because he wanted what you wanted. Even if he did want more. He was sweet like that- he’s so considerate and…

And this is what you give in return.

You can sulk about this later…you had to tell him.

You owe him that much.

—--------

The phone placed next to your ear rings…

How do you break news like this? Guess what? We’re pregnant?

That’d probably work…if you two were together in any way with substance.

“Hello?”

SHIT.

“Heyy Leon.” You say cooley.

“Hi.” He repeats, more warmth in his tone now.

“I was calling to…” You start, not prepared for this one bit, “Well- first I wanna make sure you're not busy..”

“Uh-”

“Cause if this is a bad time you can just hang up on me- It’d be completely fine.”

No it wouldn't??? What are you even saying???

“Uh- no- not at all.” He laughs, “I’m at home- why?”

You take a breath. Why are you nervous? That's probably a dumb question considering the weight of this all.

“So- ahem…” Why is your throat squeezing, “Leon…”

“Woah…what's wrong?” He can immediately tell your tone is off.

“I’m fine-” You start, “I guess I’m just nervous…”

You are resilient- you didn't think something like this would make you shaky…but here you are.

“You can tell me anything- you know this.” He says softly

“I'm pregnant.”

There’s a pregnant pause (lol)

“Where are you right now?” He asks, his voice shaky.

“I’m at home-”

“Do you want me to stay on the phone or can I hang up while I’m driving?” He cuts her off.

“Leon what-”

“Which one??’ He says, “Or- maybe that's too much right now- It wouldn’t be horrible to drive while on the phone right..?” You can hear the roar of his engine in the background.

Click.

Yeah you’re not risking him getting into an accident. Heightening his chance from 99% to 99.99%

—-----------

Not even nine minutes later you hear a knock on your door.

Concerning considering his place is a solid fifteen from yours…

You open it up to see, of course, Leon. He’s shaking.

“Leon-”

You start but are cut off as you're engulfed by a hug.

“I’m gonna be a dad.” He says, his voice full of love. He clears his throat, pulling away to look at you, “Ahem- if that's what you want-”

He seems a bit embarrassed about jumping right into that assumption.

“I haven’t even asked you how you feel..”

You blink, looking up at him with confusion. Why is he so happy? Why hasn’t he ghosted you already? Why doesn’t he hate you for making him put up with your casual relationship.

God why are you tearing up.

“I’m sorry.” you sniff as tears start falling down your cheeks.

“Woah…” he says moving to comfort you, “I guess that's a no on the dad thing?” He jokes.

You laugh at that, wiping your own tears.

“No..well I don’t know.” You say softly, “Look Leon, I’m sorry for dragging you through this- I know you didn’t ask for someone like me to- I don't know..I know you’ve wanted to take this whole thing further and I’ve been scared to- not because I never wanted to…”

You look down at yourself for a moment before looking back up at him, “I guess this is karma for that huh? Trading one commitment for another…massive one.”

Leon looks at you with amused confusion, “What are you on about? Are you apologizing for getting pregnant? Cause that’s a two way street.”

You sigh, “I’m apologizing for well- Holding you at arms length. I…care about you so much. I can tell that you’ve been wanting to take this further…but you never said anything for my sake.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” he says gently, “sure I’ve had my grievances- you don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to call you my girlfriend or brag about you…but you have to realize that I wouldn’t stay unless I felt you were worth it.”

“Leon-”

“You are something to me that I can’t describe…you make me feel happy. I would’ve waited forever if I had to.”

“But you shouldn’t have had to.”

“I know.” He says softly, “But that’s just how I am.”

You sigh moving to hug him tighter.

He holds you just the same. It lasts a moment before pulling away to look at you.

“Now- how about we discuss what matters, hm?” He says, “Figure out what we’re doing with this one right here.” He says before patting your stomach.

You swat his hand gently, causing him to laugh.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #re2 leon #drabble #one shot #resident evil #leon kennedy x you #Leon kennedy #leon fanfic

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firstelevens · 2 days ago

Note

in light of the thunderbolts pcs, angry kisses for sambucky pls

My brain is apparently so DnD-pilled that I stared at this for ten minutes trying to figure out what a thunderbolts player character was supposed to be before realizing you probably meant "post-credits scene." I have not in fact seen the film, but I have long since made peace with ignoring the proverbial Council's stupid-ass decisions and I will continue to do so. Here's a sequel to this fic, sorry if you were hoping for something more tied to canon!

56. angry kisses

The thing about Sam's relentless goddamn professionalism is that he has to find ways of clinging to it even when it's the very last thing that he wants to do. He's exceptionally good at it by now, years of facing off against scheming politicians and soliloquizing villains honing a skill that he'd already cultivated as a teenager. It's seamless enough that most people don't even realize when it's happening.

Maybe that's what makes it so fucking infuriating when he watches Bucky cross the room to have a few quiet words with Joaquín, who stands up a minute later and says something about having some food while everyone waits to debrief with the authorities. Like magic, the rest of Team Cap and all but one of the stupidly-named Thunderbolts file out to take the elevator to the Compound's kitchen.

Sam waits for the distant ding of the elevator to sound before he turns to Bucky, struggling to keep his voice even. "You giving orders to my team now?"

Bucky scoffs. "Please. Torres would never listen to an order from me."

"Yeah, the way I hear it, there's a lot of that going around these days."

"Is there?" asks Bucky, in the blank voice that he only ever uses when he's trying to provoke Sam. In a few strides, he crosses the room to stand in front of Sam, close but not quite in his space. "Seems to me like it's just you."

"I've never taken orders from you," snaps Sam. "And I'm not about to start."

"No one's telling you to," says Bucky. "But it used to be that when we were in the field together, you'd at least listen to what I had to say."

Sam crosses his arms, scowling. He can feel those threads of professionalism slipping away, and he tries his best to snatch at them. "If you want to start a conversation about who was listening to who, we can do that, but I don't think you're gonna like where it ends up, so maybe we should stop right here."

"Don't try to make this about me not sticking to protocol when we're talking about you putting your life on the line," Bucky says. "And Christ, stop using your press conference voice on me. If you're angry, just be angry."

He clenches his jaw because he can't clench his fist, keeps his tone as measured as he can. "You know I don't do that."

"You don't do that in front of strangers," snaps Bucky. "Whatever we are or aren't to each other anymore, I know for damn sure we aren't strangers."

"What do you want me to say, Buck?" Sam asks quietly. "You want me to tell you how tired I am? How much I dreaded coming here and having to work with a team that was built to spite me? How much bullshit gets thrown my way every day, how much easier that would be to handle if I still had a partner at my side?"

"I want you to say what you actually want to say," says Bucky, and there's something pleading in his face. "Whatever it is that you want to say. Be tired, be worried, be furious at me. Just don't be...that. That persona that you had to build just so you could get a foot in the fucking door. Not in front of me."

There was a time when Sam didn't have to be that, not with Bucky. There was a time when he could be that version of himself with the rest of the world and then come home, tuck his face against Bucky's chest and let himself be held as he raged at the whole rest of the world. Even now, Sam's hands itch to reach out to him, to pull him close so Sam can rest his aching head in the crook of Bucky's neck.

Sam keeps his voice even and pretends he doesn't see the hurt in Bucky's face, focusing his gaze on the windows behind him. "You tried to die today," he says, and feels the anger spike in his chest even as he says the words. "You told me to trust you and then you tried to put yourself in the path of something that would have killed you."

"It would have killed you," corrects Bucky, and Sam is torn between wanting to cry and wanting to punch him in the face. "It might have killed me. I was better equipped to handle it."

"It wasn't your call to make," Sam says, instead of don't you know that that would've killed me, too? "I had a plan. I always do."

"And that plan was what? You dying instead of me?"

"That plan was to make things safe for everyone else."

Bucky steps into Sam's space, his chest brushing against Sam's crossed arms. Sam tries not to notice that, either. "And you really think that a safer world exists without you in it? You really believe that any good would come of that?"

"Nobody makes sacrifices because they're easy, Bucky," Sam bites out. "People make them because it's the only way."

"Good," says Bucky. "Then you understand why I did what I did."

"I'll never understand anything you do, Barnes. I'll never understand why you're here, and I'll never understand why you work for the people you work for, and I'll never understand why you-" Sam cuts himself off, trying to calm his breathing. "Never mind."

"No, say it," says Bucky, right up in Sam's face now. "Say whatever it is. I'm tired of Customer Service Cap. Say what you need to say."

Sam sets his jaw. "Why? What do you need to hear so bad, huh? What's gonna change if I say it to you?"

"Hell if I know," says Bucky, "but whatever changes, it can't make things worse than they are right now, can it? You won't even fucking look at me, Sam."

"What do you need me to look at you for, huh? You have a whole team for that now, right? News cameras, too?"

"I have a team now because you sent me away, Sam. You ended things and you all but kicked me off the team. What was I supposed to do, fuck back off to the forties like Steve?"

"You were supposed to be safe," roars Sam, before he can think better of it, and the rest comes spilling out like water behind a broken dam. "They wanted to use you for wetwork and infiltration. They made a whole entire proposal about it. The Joint Chiefs approved it and everything. It was going to be a condition of you staying on the team, of them upholding the terms of your pardon."

Bucky's eyebrows knit together. "Sam..."

"They wanted to use you, and I sent you away to stop them, and you just ended up working for them anyway," says Sam, softer, and he can feel his face flushing, can feel the tears gathering behind his eyes. "So now you're gone and you're not safe."

Their time apart hasn't changed how clearly Sam can read Bucky's face, and he sees a flurry of emotions pass over him before his jaw takes on a determined set. "That wasn't your call to make," growls Bucky.

Before Sam can argue it, Bucky's hands come up to hold his face, palms against Sam's jaw while his thumbs wipe away the tears that Sam hadn't noticed escaping.

Half a second later, Bucky's lips are on his, bruising and desperate, and Sam can't help but reciprocate, uncrossing his arms so he can clutch Bucky closer, backing up until they ram into a wall, picture frames rattling precariously from the impact. He fists one hand in Bucky's shirt to keep him from going too far and slips the other underneath, trailing up his stomach until it reaches the center of his chest. Bucky's heartbeat thuds away under Sam's palm, familiar if a little faster than usual, and Sam feels the universe right itself where it had been knocked off of its axis.

He doesn't know what tomorrow looks like, or even three minutes from now, but he knows that he has Bucky in his arms again, both their hearts beating steady in their chests, and that's as good a place as any to start.

#sambucky #zainab does ask meme things #ok i'll be the first to admit this one got a little bit out of hand #kiss prompt fics #my fic #thanks anon!

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phoebeegreen3 · 22 hours ago

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Capri Persson (F1) 01. BACK ON TRACK

🏎 SUMMARY: What if the best driver of recent years isn't actually him? What if the best driver is actually hiding something else? Would he still be the best? Or just a simple fraud? 📓 GENRE: secret identity / rivals to lovers / he felt first, she felt harder / soulmates / slow burn 📧 WORD COUNT: 3096 📬 PARTS: book one (two parts) / CP9, book two (one part) 🏆 CAPRIPERSSON.MASTERLIST

Bahrain GP, Middle East. March, 2023

The first years are always a mess, no matter how well your career has gone. People will try to prove that you don't have what it takes to be among the top 20. They'll do whatever it takes to weaken you, even if it means bombarding you with hundreds of cameras as if you were Britney Spears herself. The difference is, I was more like Hannah Montana.

People did everything they could to test how much you could endure, what you were capable of, how far they could push. When I came out of my first F1 race to check in with the other drivers, I had agreed with the FIA and my team on everything necessary to never have to take off my helmet, for any reason. And yet, the officials weighing us started an argument with Jean, insisting that I had to remove my helmet even if the FIA allowed me to keep it on, since they could subtract the weight of the helmet, considering that the rest of the drivers were still holding theirs while stepping on the scale.

A lot was said. They pressured the other drivers to speak badly about me, conspiring with the press. They left them on the edge of a cliff in a dirty and unpleasant game that only media people could scheme up. I ended up being Rookie of the Year and winning Action of the Year for the overtake I made on Albon in the last lap of the Abu Dhabi GP at the FIA awards during my first year. Clearly, I didn't go to collect the trophies. Partly for obvious identity reasons, and secondly, as a protest against how badly the FIA handled my first year, despite our agreement. In my second year, I won Action of the Year again for a move on Leclerc in Monza. And by the third year, I was already a runner-up—but that's another story, probably the worst of my career.

Being a runner-up is even worse than not scoring a single point all season. In fact, there was an episode in the Netflix series that went to great lengths to explain that event. They titled it "No Victory", and I replayed it eighteen times during the winter break so that when I returned to Abu Dhabi this year, I would understand what would happen if I lost again.

Runner-up felt like a joke when I crashed my car on the last lap, just moments away from winning. I just wanted to collect the trophy so I could go home and smash it against the floor. It would have been different if I hadn't scored any points, if my car had caught fire, if something else had happened. But instead, I sat on the couch in my apartment, watching the FIA hand Max that trophy for the second year in a row.

And since then, I haven't stopped replaying it in my head—until now. First race of the 2023 season. Capri Persson is ready to win. Capri Persson will win. That's what sets him apart from the rest.

I could no longer allow myself to trail behind Verstappen and Red Bull. Not anymore.

"Capri?" Jean called from the other side of the door, knocking twice as a warning before stepping in. That pulled me completely out of my thoughts. "Alright," she sighed. I stood up in my suit, my helmet resting on a table in the corner of the workshop room. "Ready?"

"What if I don't make it?" I whispered, consumed by my worry.

"No, no, no," Jean immediately shook her head, stepping closer to me. "Don't say that. Don't even think about it."

"Jean..."

"Look at me." She held my jaw in her hand, tilting my face so I was looking straight at her. "You're going to go out there, you're going to race, and you're going to thrive because you're the damn Capri Fucking Persson. Do you hear me?"

"Yes..." I mumbled.

"I can't hear you. What was that? A little bird chirping?" she exaggerated her motivational speech. "Did you hear me?!" she raised her voice, trying to hype me up aggressively, but I hid my laughter and raised my voice.

"Yes, Jean!" I shouted firmly, and she smiled, satisfied.

"You're already on the ground, Capri. There's nowhere lower to fall. The only thing left is to get up." She winked, placing a hand on my arm. "I know you only see bad things ahead because you feel surrounded by them... but why don't we look at the good opportunities that could come out of this instead?" I sighed at her words. "Instead of asking yourself, 'What if it doesn't happen?' ask yourself, 'What will I do if it does?'"

Go home and train for the next one. That's how things were, how it had always been, and how it always will be.

Winning is great, but nobody ever tells you what happens when you don't. Everything that comes with mourning what you thought you had in the palm of your hand.

Shit.

I could have been champion if it weren't for that mistake on the last corner—THE LAST! I should have lifted Verstappen's trophy, I should have taken that recognition. But I crashed. I got out and saw my car wrecked against the wall while the rest of the competitors drove past me.

While the world spent the winter break talking about Capri Persson's defeat, I was mourning the fact that what I had longed for hadn't happened. I had to carry the grief of that emptiness I felt when I turned on the TV to watch the FIA awards, where I had already imagined myself receiving the trophy and showing the world who Capri Persson really was.

When things don't happen, the focus is on getting back up and trying again. But no one ever tells you how to handle the pain of watching life go on, just not how you wanted it to.

Jean helped me with my helmet, and we left the room, entering the garage to see the new AlphaTauri car I had tested during the break. Nyck was talking to the mechanics, getting ready to step into his car when he saw me arrive. With a small nod in his direction, I greeted him briefly, and he smiled tightly, a little uneasy. It was no surprise how difficult it was for the rest of the drivers to share a space with Capri Persson.

Pierre Gasly had been my first teammate, and even though I knew he wouldn't always be, I think I had grown fond of the idea of seeing him in the garage often, testing cars together in the off-season. We never really talked, but I always had the idea that, after all, he could be the first to know the truth about Capri Persson—mainly because he had been my teammate since I started. But Pierre announced he was leaving AlphaTauri for the 2023 season, meaning I had to change teammates.

Nyck hadn't been too bad—decent, overall. He neither got in the way nor stood out too much, which worked. But it was clear he had an exaggerated respect, almost bordering on fear, for his teammate. That meant I had to get used to having him on track in a very different way than I was used to with Pierre.

2023 meant a big fresh start. A complete reset.

New teammate, new car, new reputation. New season.

We all got into our cars for the free practice lap, and at that moment, I knew that keeping my foot on the accelerator was like planting a great garden. Keeping my foot down meant believing in tomorrow; it meant still having faith that one day, what Turn 16 on the last lap in Abu Dhabi had taken from me would finally be mine.

It was just me, this single-seater, and John, my engineer, whom I could silence if I wanted to. So I gripped the steering wheel tightly, took a deep breath, and watched the lights change.

The circuit starts with a straight, followed by a tight right-hand turn that connects to a wider left-hand turn. Exiting that corner, you accelerate fully, avoiding the outer curb and keeping the car centered on the track to slightly attack the next apex. I had to keep the wheel straight for a fraction of a second and then change direction to the left while still accelerating and shifting gears. The next small right-hand bend is practically straight, but it's crucial to position yourself on the outside at the exit to attack the next corner. Verstappen was leading, for obvious reasons, followed by Charles, Lewis, George, Lando, and me. Sixth place.

There was a theory about qualifying in P6. Jean called it "the devil's position theory," and although I wasn't convinced, I couldn't deny that it never failed. Starting the first race of the season in "the devil's position" meant a guaranteed podium—unless the tradition changed this season or betrayed me.

"Tell me I'm wrong," Jean had said, sitting in my team's hospitality café during the French GP last season. "You started sixth this year in Australia, Miami, Spain, Canada, and Silverstone. And guess what..."

"I don't need to guess."

"Exactly!" she exclaimed, lowering her voice when she realized she had spoken too loudly. "You won every single one of those GPs in a way that was torturous for the other drivers. France won't be an exception. Six is the devil's number."

"Actually, it's 666."

"Oh, come on," she looked at me in frustration. "The devil's position is already a fact. You can't deny it."

And she was right. France confirmed it, and then Monza did too. I couldn't deny it, so now I was expecting the same.

"Turn 10 in less than two seconds, Capri. I'll let you know when you can activate DRS," John notified me over the radio. Just as I was ready to take the corner, Carlos made one of the worst overtaking maneuvers I had ever seen.

"What the hell did he just do?" I asked. "Someone give that idiot an extra prize from me for ignoring every other driver so spectacularly while passing. I want to hear you all applaud when I smash his nose against the steering wheel," I spat, completely lost in my anger. John burst out laughing—I knew deep down he was grateful that my radio messages couldn't be shared with anyone else. It was just me and John, though sometimes Franz chimed in too.

"Copy that. But I'm going to ask you to calm down; you can pass him with DRS."

"I know, I know," I muttered. "I can pass him with my eyes closed. Want me to try?" I teased.

"Focus, Capri," John scolded.

I passed Carlos before the next corner, and I think I even heard him curse. The long curve leading into a fast, sweeping left-hander gave me the chance to overtake Lewis for fourth place and steal third from Russell on lap 43/57. I was doing well—I was making it happen.

"Capri, push. If you keep it up, you have a guaranteed podium," John said over the radio.

I didn't want a guaranteed third place. Who the hell did he think I was?

I wasn't going to maintain the pace—it wasn't about that.

"A guaranteed podium?" I laughed. "John, I started in 'the devil's position.' Of course, I have the podium secured."

"Capri, don't push the engine too hard. This is just the first GP; you should—"

"Goodbye, John. Should I call you when I win?" I grinned, though I knew he didn't fully appreciate it.

If there was something I loved on the track, it was knowing what each driver was willing to give in the competition. I believe years of experience mean nothing in relation to the car, which changes every season. Instead, experience matters when it comes to learning how to read the races of others. When you know each driver's blind spots, how they think, what they do—that's when you win. And this season, I was willing to do everything to build that knowledge.

You have to know whether they feel the car or just think about strategy. Or, on the contrary, if they have a perfect and absolutely necessary balance. If they did, they were great drivers. If not, they failed. The balance between feeling the car and thinking about your next move while knowing everything could change drastically in an instant—that was probably the key to driving an F1 car.

That was my formula. Know your competitors and find the balance between reason and instinct.

"Capri, box. We need to box," John notified me, his voice urgent over the radio.

"No, we don't, John. Not on the penultimate lap, and not when I just passed Leclerc for second place."

"Persson, I'm sorry."

"No, John. I'm even more sorry. I'm not pitting—I won't start the season on the wrong foot," I shouted, caught between anger and exhaustion.

"Capri Per—" I heard Franz jump in immediately, and my first instinct was to turn off the radio. I knew this would cost me, but it wouldn't be so bad if I got first place at the end of the day.

Max was ahead. And I felt like we had some unfinished business. Starting the season by taking him out of the lead would be the best way to boost my confidence. But Charles was on my heels, and that was driving me crazy.

"Verstappen is losing power. You need to overtake." said John five seconds after I turned the radio again.

"Is this a joke?" I felt deeply disappointed.

"This is your chance, Capri. Max won't be able to fight back. Pass him!"

I frowned. How was this possible?

"Come on, accelerate," I thought bitterly as I looked at the Red Bull car. My front wheels were approaching his rear ones, and all I wanted was for him to speed up. I wasn't going to win just because he couldn't accelerate. I wasn't going to win because he lost. I was going to win because I beat him fair and square. "Come on, come on, come on," I muttered, and suddenly, I was leading the race. Even Charles had passed him.

"That's it, Capri! You're leading! Keep pushing!" John shouted excitedly. Reaching the finish line, I could see the entire AlphaTauri team climbing the fence, cheering for me.

The checkered flag waved over me, but I said nothing. Reluctantly, I raised my hand to the crowd as if everything was fine—but it wasn't.

The good thing about always having a helmet covering my face was that I didn't have to fake a smile, a grimace, or anything. I just had to raise my hands, wave, and pretend everything was fine—just with my hands.

I parked the car and got out, moving confidently and greeting the roaring crowd. I saw signs with my name, team colors, and the iconic white AlphaTauri helmet. I watched Leclerc arrive in red and Verstappen pull up behind him, getting out in frustration.

"Great race, brother. Congrats," Charles said, fist-bumping me, which I returned. Max turned away and headed straight for the garage.

I watched him, thinking how ridiculous it felt to win almost by default because your rival had a failure. That's not winning—that's surviving. And I wasn't fully satisfied with that.

The team was waiting for me to celebrate, so I did everything I was supposed to do—act like the man of the grid.

If there's one thing I have to highlight, it's the feeling that filled me when I had to act like the man as soon as I won my first F1 race. It's strange, but in the small details, you deeply know that a woman would never be allowed to celebrate like that—because of the comments, the opinions, everything. It feels terrible, but... I couldn't deny that, in a way, it was amazing to enjoy the good parts of all this. Though I don't know how long it will last.

"You have to go to the cooldown room," Jean said, licking her lips uncomfortably.

"What?" I replied in sign language, frowning even though she couldn't see me.

"They demanded that you have to go to the cooldown room this time. Let's not make things more difficult."

"Difficult? Who the hell said that, Jean? What exactly am I supposed to do there with my helmet on?" I keep moving my hands angry and aggressively offended.

"Just go and show them it's pointless, that there's a reason we never did it. Go" she ordered, and with nothing more to say, I followed her instructions.

The team accompanied me to the cooldown room, and as soon as I entered, still with my helmet on, everyone went silent. The camera pointed straight at me as if it could pierce through my visor, and I stepped onto the device that would measure my weight. Max and Charles kept murmuring while watching my back.

I sat in one of the chairs and felt the drops of sweat tickling my face. The areas where the helmet pressed against me felt hotter than usual, and I could feel every bit of its texture. I was supposed to take it off like the rest of my teammates, drink water, put on the Pirelli cap, talk about the race, and watch the screen.

I simply sat there, staring at a fixed point through my visor, thinking about how disappointing the start of the season had been. Yes, the mark said that I won that race, but no for me. I didn't win, he gave up. It's different, and painful to start like this.

"Piastri is pretty good, don't you think, Persson?" Max asked, turning to me. Charles took a sip from his bottle, visibly uncomfortable.

"Yes, he's very good," I answered curtly with my hands, and both of them went silent, discreetly glancing around to see if anyone had understood what I had said in sign language.

It was my first time in a cooldown room. It had been discontinued in 2020, and in 2021 and 2022, the FIA agreed that, for obvious reasons, it was better to handle things like the rest of the drivers outside the podium. I didn't know what had changed now, but if this was good for anything, it was for thinking about the statement I had to write before leaving the paddock. Since I don't give interviews, the federation required me to write a statement after each race, answering certain questions and discussing the event. It was a good moment for me—while the others were doing live interviews, I had no pressure inside the motorhome, typing away on my computer.

But now, I just hoped things wouldn't keep changing like they just had.

NEXT: 02. I DON'T WANNA TALK

taglist: @heyyur @dreadity-dread @moonchouus

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