#“oh that mutilated body? i'm pretty sure i did that in my sleep. seeing as my arm's sore and i'm covered in blood and all. my bad”

[stealthnoodle]

Might I ask how Durge run is going?

I'm chugging along through Act 1 and it has been WILD. I met an imp claiming to be my butler! I sleep-murdered! I canNOT stop thinking about what people would look like inside-out! And I'm doing it all while looking like a 90s trapper keeper come to life. Amazing.

I'm playing Lisa Frank like someone who's trying not to do a bunch of murders all the time but sometimes needs to do a little murder as a treat, and I am being rewarded with such faces:

The fluorescent hair truly elevates every scene.

I am also (apparently) successfully romancing Karlach this time but I am low-key terrified this will end in tears after the Alfira incident (holy shit to that one, by the way). I am also nervous about the welfare of Scratch and the baby owlbear at my camp! My girl Lisa Frank feels like a ticking time bomb and I am very excited to see where this goes as the game progresses. (Is she wrapped up in some Bhaal shit? I bet she's wrapped up in some Bhaal shit. Can't wait for her to meet Orin.)

It's also been delightful to let her tell her new friends that she feels like she's starring in a Dexter reboot and see everyone's reactions to that information, hahaha

Making my Dark Urge character a bard has also meant I get a LOT of exciting dialogue options. (I also get the Drow options but don't usually use them, because c'mon, amnesia. Lisa Frank doesn't remember shit about that Drow life.) I am witty, charming, melodramatic, adorable, creepy, and not to be trusted with sharp objects. A+++

[peanutbuttermandms]

Chapter 12: Distorted Physique

Check out my gaming profile @warekimioaisu

A/N: there do be kinda a lot of time skips doe. Also sorry to all my zeke stans, this is a levi chapter

Word Count: 805

My Masterlist

Zeke Masterlist

Chapter 11: I'm Tired <- -> Chapter 13: Reminders of the Past

Levi was jolted awake by an unknown fear that lurked in the back of his mind. Until it all came flooding back.

The memories came back to him. Their bones were broken. Limbs were mutilated. Bodies were disfigured.

After Zeke killed your subordinates and escaped, you thought Levi was dead for sure, until you were reunited with your old comrades.

Of all the times, why did they decide to flash through his mind now?

You saw Hange again, who was dragging Levi's injured body on a makeshift sled.

The sky was pitch black, the vacant ceiling gave you little comfort. Your thoughts raced, preventing you from getting any rest while everyone else was already fast asleep.

You had never felt such relief and elation in your life than you did at that moment. You lost track of time when you embraced him. You never wanted to let him go again.

You eventually felt sleepy, your eyelids lowering slowly. And just when you were about to doze off, you suddenly saw Levi jump up out of the corner of your eye, causing you to quickly sit up, too.

"What the matter, Levi?" You whispered to him, trying to be considerate of the sleeping people around you.

"It's nothing… I just had another… nightmare." He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"It was about—"

"—Yeah. Yeah, it was."

"Do you need me to stay up with you?"

"You don't have to-"

"Yeah, I know but I wanna," You said, your voice overlapping his, "And I can't get any sleep anyway."

"Fine. But not for too long, we need to get back to sleep soon."

"You know what day it is?"

"You got it."

"Uh, Wednesday?" Levi said with a raised eyebrow, curious as to where this was going.

"That, too. But it's also our 6th wedding anniversary."

"Oh yeah, back when you proposed to me while we were outside the walls because I saved you from a Titan."

"Yeah," you laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of your neck, "I was a bit of a rash person back then."

"You still are."

"But you gotta admit, it was pretty cool! Proposing to someone at such a memorable place is such a great idea!"

"Whatever you say, my love." Levi said, the corners of his lips slightly turned upward as he looked away.

You smiled at him, your gaze lingering on him for longer than you expected before you sighed.

"Okay… I think it's about time we go back to sleep. You're okay with that, right?"

"Completely."

"Okay," you whispered slightly as you smiled at him again, "Goodnight, Levi."

"Goodnight."

You gave Levi a small peck on the lips before the both of you laid back down to try and get some rest.

"Hey, wake up."

At least he doesn't have to worry about losing you anymore.

You opened your eyes slightly but immediately regretted it as the sun was too bright for you. You slowly lifted your head and looked up to see Hange standing above you.

"Come on, we gotta get moving." They said.

"How is it already morning?" you grumbled, "I hardly got any sleep."

You sat up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes.

"Well?! Until when are you gonna sleep, Reiner?! All of your wounds should have healed already!"

You looked to where the yelling was coming from and saw Jean had grabbed Reiner by the collar, drawing back his fist, and threatening to punch him.

Jean's threats towards Reiner reminded you of the night before.

Reiner admitted to killing Marco and wouldn't keep his mouth shut about how sorry he was. Jean got tired of his mindless apologies and, to be frank, you were, too.

Jean punched Reiner over and over again. He also ended up accidentally kicking Gabi in the process.

It wasn't a very pleasant night for any of you.

You waited a while before you were fully awake so you could gather your belongings and get a move on. Once you were ready, you all got onto the back of a horse drawn wagon.

"Gabi," Jean said, "I'm sorry I kicked you. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, it's fine." Gabi responded.

"Is that so?" Jean then turned to Reiner with a stern glare, "Reiner, I will not apologize to you."

"Yeah. That's okay." Reiner said, sounding ashamed.

"I… cannot forgive you." Jean's serious expression transformed into a saddened one.

"I know…"

"What about me?" Annie asked.

Suddenly you heard thuds coming towards you. You all collectively looked the front of the wagon, where the sound was coming from.

It was the Cart Titan, who had returned from a journey. Pieck emerged from its nape, steam undulatingly rising out along with her. She looked to you before uttering terrible news.

"The harbor. It was occupied by the Yeager Faction."

END - 3/27/21, 3/28/21, 3/29/21, 3/30/21

A/N: this is completely random but I always imagined heather in conan gray's song to be pieck. Idk why i don't hate her, she didn't do anything to me I've just always imagined heather to be pieck.

[wilder-minded]

SFB Chapter 3

Read previous chapter.

I felt relief walking into my house, seeing the recap of the bloodbath on the screen and Katniss safe in the forest... as safe as she could be in the arena. I stopped in the doorway, watching for a quiet moment when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped in surprise, whipping around to see my father standing behind me.

"Oh! You startled me, father," I say, a sheepish grin as my cheeks flush and my heart rate thuds in my chest.

My father is a tall man, though not nearly as tall as Gale, with a thicker build than most in the district. I attribute that to the years of eating without worry and banquets with Capitol officials. He was balding but refused to remove what was left of the spare hairs. His blue eyes were striking, though softer in tone like my own.

"I thought I heard you down here," he smiles, nodding toward the television behind me. "She's your friend, the girl with the strawberries?"

"Yeah, she is," I confirm, my blonde curls brushing over my shoulder as I glance back at the screen too.

"She's caused quite the chatter in the Capitol, volunteering for her sister and all," he says, his voice casual as he pulls out a white ceramic mug, beginning to make tea.

"I'm sure she must hate the attention" I respond quietly, and he chuckles to himself.

"Yes, but that attention will keep her alive," he raises an eyebrow in my direction and I nod softly in agreement. "She's very skilled, but the donations that attention brings in will give her the advantage that she needs."

I knew he was right. "I heard that the people in the Hob have started a donation pot for her," I mention as my father finishes making the tea.

"As he walks past, he gives me a wink. "I know, I gave the first donation," he whispers before disappearing up the stairs. "Get some rest, Madge"

My father was always hard for me to read, but I suppose it had to be that way. Being an official in Panem meant walking a thin line to avoid retaliation for even the smallest offenses, though it seemed to be more relaxed here in Twelve. My father kept to himself mostly, but occasionally would surprise me like the day he began purchasing strawberries from the crafty Seam girl.

I sighed as I turned off the lights in the sitting room, the dim flicker from the broadcast now focused on the unnaturally colorful Caesar Flickerman and his cohost. I turned it off, effectively silencing the speculation that I wanted to avoid. For as long as I had memories, each year we hosted the victors and their entourage on the Victory Tour and each year I was appalled and amused by the gaudy appearance of the Capitolites. The ways in which they willingly mutilated their bodies in the name of "beauty" was something I could never understand, though I had become quite skilled at maintaining a neutral expression while observing them. My father was careful with the manner in which he handled the Capitol guests; any inkling of disrespect or discord would mean automatic demotion or worse. Though he never explicitly told me this, I knew I played a part in that and I did my best to stay within boundaries I set for myself.

As I walked into the bathroom, I saw my reflection in the small metal-framed mirror that hung above our sink. The bridge of my nose and cheeks were tinted a light pink; no doubt from sitting in the sun longer than my fair skin was used to. I could see the faint freckles developing and I thought back to my childhood with my freckled nose and blonde waves that my mother tried to keep contained with pretty ribbons. I always managed to pull them out, my long hair falling lose much to her dismay. There were shadows under my eyes—they were still bright though tired.

I sighed, combing through my blonde locks and brushing my teeth before retreating to my bedroom. Maybe sleep would find me tonight... or so I could hope.

Before I had fallen asleep the night before, I could not help but think of my father strolling into the Hob. Everyone knew what went on in there, but the district officials turned a blind eye. Many of them benefitted from it anyway, like the group of Peacekeepers that frequented it for lunch. It was harmless really, just people trying to support themselves and their families. But to imagine the Mayor walking in for nothing more than to show support for one of their own, it stirred something in my mind though I couldn't quite place what it was.

I was always awake before the rest of my family, and this morning I decided to walk through town as the sun rose and the dew was still slick on the uneven cobblestone streets. My father wasn't keen on my habit of taking off for walks, but he long ago ceased to mention it as I got older.

I saw a warm glow coming from a few storefronts, one that I immediately recognized as the bakery. I felt a pang of guilt that I had not thought of Peeta much at all throughout this, even though he was very much in the same situation as Katniss. Probably worse off, if I was honest with myself. Katniss had an instinct for self-preservation that came only from the circumstances that she dealt with for most of her life. Peeta had been sheltered as a merchant's son, much like myself. Peeta and I would probably fair the same in the arena, I thought. How could I defend myself, with deadly piano keys?

I thought of the sweet baker's boy, and how he had always been nothing but kind to me when we crossed paths. It was hard to imagine someone with his gentle disposition in an environment such as the arena, though I supposed that survival could bring certain things out in people. And I recalled his confession during his interview with Caesar, how he had been in love with Katniss since boyhood. I believed him, the pain in his eyes was too real to be a ploy for sympathy.

I sighed, trying to imagine what his family must be going through before my feet made the decision my mind was mulling over. I pushed open the bakery door and a small chime sounded as it swung open enough for me to slip through. Most of the merchants lived above their businesses which I guessed made the line between home and work blur more than the children would have liked.

I offered a good morning, choosing a few loaves that I knew my parents enjoyed. As the blonde boy placed the bread into a paper bag, I slid the money across the counter.

His eyes wide as he saw the extra coins I laid down, but I kept my face neutral. "Oh, I think..." he started but I shook my head to cut him off. =

"No, that's the right amount," I said, before gathering my things and leaving, noticing the small smile on the boy's lips. I didn't need the extra coins, I had decided. I would never need as much as had been afforded to my family.

[the-mf-bread-babies]

loneliness </\///\|/3

a fic by rocco wulfram north, m.d.

(found that name on hardcore baby names)

–chmapter jop–

before the tríp

It was a normal day for the Skullsmashers: go to somewhere, kill people, be gay, sleep, get brunch. Right now was the first part of their daily routine, and they were getting ready for it.

“holy fuck nova could you hurry the shit up i have to brush my fucking teeth you bitch” Ace hissed, knocking repeatedly on the bathroom door. “Fuck You. I'm Going To Go To Hell Itself” Nova gargled back, mouth full of mouthwash. More banging was heard; the door had seen better days.

Several feet away was Jake, all dressed up and ready to go, waiting for the others to get ready. He sat on the couch gayly in the living room down the hall, scrolling through Apocalypse Twitter. ‘every day i throw down an unpeeled boiled egg from the rooftop to simulate fear and unreadiness’ he read, a tweet from Orc's account. What the fuck. Classic Orc.

“ah fuck !! am i late !!” Jake turned around to see Damon panicking and counting the daggers in his pockets. “no no not at all. i just get ready really quickly to throw everyone into a state of disarray” Jake replied in an honest, monotone voice. “come sit down”

Damon sat down nervously next to his captain, knowing he'll ask him for Bambi on the PS2 now. “look. look at them those dumbshits” Jake uttered, pointing to Ace and Nova arguing. “those little bastards are completely unaware that ive put a fake cockroach puppet in the mirror. watch now” he added, pulling out a cheap remote control and pressing a button.

*sound of glass breaking* Jake sighed. “okay maybe that wasn't really the best idea” Nova screamed, running out of the bathroom and confusing Ace. “Fucking Roach!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she yelled, already too far away from them to be heard clearly. “huh. well okay then!” Ace grinned, going into the bathroom.

“i'll guard. you do your thing okay? :-)” Damon said to Jake, smiling mischievously. Jake's heart skipped a beat as he was suddenly flustered by the killer's action. «oh god, shit's just gonna get more complicated from here» he thought, staring into nothingness.

Damon braced himself against the bathroom door, eager to hear Ace's chaotic screaming. “ready ??” Damon asked, sending Jake back to the real world. “hhuh??????? oh yea right” he mumbled before beginning to control the cockroach with the remote. “this shit cost me like 200 bucks so it better be worth it”

HOLY MOTHER OF

F U C K

JAKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

WHAT THE S H IT DUDE

ace will remember this.

Jake cackled loudly, rolling on the floor and hitting the table with his fist. “LMAOOOOK FUCK YOUUU” he yelled, angering Ace even more. “I WILL GODDAMN SKIN UOUR FUCKIGN ISTINEDSTINES OLD MAN I SWEAR TKC FUCKF” they yelled back, pushing the door repeatedly. “IM GOIND TO FUCKIGN DIR HERE YOU BITCH”

“ah . ace ? could you move a little please ? i'm trying to get in ?” Damon said annoyingly kindly, making Ace jab a fake knife through the space between the door and the doorway. “THIS IS THE BEST FUCKIGN KNIFE I HAVE ON ME RIGT NOW BUT PLEADR JSUT FUCK O F F”

“hm ... i'll have to check in with the blacksmith today to know what this one's worth... possibly rusted here, though.... could also just be dirt tho.....” Damon mumbled, examining the knife. “FUCKING HEL P” Ace yelled in distress, his breath seeping through the door. “ace. brush your fucking teeth that's disgusting.”

“IM FUCKIF D TRYINF THERES JUST A FUCKGIFN ROSCH HEREERF” Ace explained fearfully, trying their best to get some pity from the other. “a what ?? don't think we have those here” “A FUCKIFN COKROSKC” “corrosion ???? how bad” “FUCK YOU A GODDMAND COKCROACH” “girls?? what?? are they milfs??” “HOW THEE DFUCKDB DID YEOU HEAR FTHAY WHATS DUCUNESKRHI”

Jake's hand slapped against Damon's shoulder as a way of saying thanks. “good work out there soldier. us skullsmashers really need someone like you damon” He said confidently, disguising his flirting as a compliment. “cool !! you too man !!” The shorter man replied, completely unaware of the flirting and continuing to yearn for the mutual love between him and Jake. fuckin idiots lmao

“alrighty fuckers, let's move!”

Rachel's voice sent Ace and Nova into a panic, making them scram to look for their weapons and equipment. “Got everything ya need? W'ain't makin' any stops; tryin'a save fuel.” Shaw asked, leaning against the wall at the entrance menacingly. “When the fuck did you even come here.” Dennis asked in surprise, carrying suitcases. “Hmph. Man never tells his secrets, young man.” She replied, tilting her cowboy hat. “What…”

Aaron was sitting peacefully in the trunk of a pickup truck they had, only to be met by a large backpack to the face. “ah!!!!!!!! very sorry!!!!!!! we'll be going in separate vehicles, and trunk space is very much needed!!!!!!!!” Whitney said, apologizing. “Ah. Well. O-okay then.” Aaron stuttered out, holding back tears from the painful impact the backpack had. Pretty sure he'll get a bruise from that.

Henderson and Rachel were waiting in the front seats of yet another pickup truck. To pass the time, they took very cringey pictures of each other pretending to be on Cowboy TikTok™. “Do one where you're pregnant with the truck's baby!” Henderson suggested, making Rachel flip the bird at her but begrudgingly agreeing with her stupid idea. “i literally would skin you alive.” She spat out, putting a pumpkin inside her shirt. “That's… literally so sexy, babe.” Henderson replied back, taking more pictures.

Meanwhile, Andre was busy explaining to Cyprus, who was in a small glass jar, that forcibly entering Damon's bloodstream and mutilating his entire body was not very nice, with Orc and Sarah judging. “YES BUT UNLIMITED POWER COULD BE RIGHT IN OUR HANDS ANDRE” “That'd very mean of you to do, and could actually probably kill you too in the process.” he explained to deaf ears. Well, technically no ears. Yet. “CYPRUS I KNOW IT SOUNDS STUPID BUT YOU COULD LITERALLY DO THE SAME BUT LIKE IN AN ELEPHANTS BODY DUDE” Orc suggested, only to be ignored. “cmon cyprus just pleaaaaase dont kill ppl ok”

Jake looked outside, then back at Damon. “well guess its time to move!” “yea ... but at what cost.” Damon replied confusingly, making a sad face. “did you know today is…” he started, then regretted saying anything. “nvm…” He turned away from the punk, sniffling and walking to Dennis and Aaron.

“damon” “??” Jake asked quietly, craning his neck a little before making the decision to leave the new recruit alone. Instead, he joined Henderson and Rachel in their odd activities.

“hey guys. i fucking miss sans.” Damon confessed, taking a seat next to Dennis. “My nose is bleeding.” Aaron pointed out. “ok. today's sunday. and you Know what That Means… Meant,” The boy continued, facing the ground. “Kanye West he…” Dennis began (begun???? idk). “… liked.” Aaron continued, also affected emotionally by the departure of not only Sans, but Komaeda too.

Jake stared longingly at the family, wishing he was a part of it too. He truly felt Ariel Little Mermaid's desire to become human. Seven Vagánias… that was a risk he was willing to take for him. He would shave his eyebrows off for that man, and he just might do it right now.

“Jake? Don't do that. Please don't fucking do that.” Henderson suddenly interrupted, surprising Jake. “do what” Henderson squinted her eyes, giving Jake a suspicious look. “That's the face you make when you want to do silly things…” She pointed out.

“You had that when you almost electrocuted yourself at that stable, you had that when you threw the dart at Scoran, you had that when you glued Marcus and Reese–” “OKAY OKAY I GET IT IM A DUMMY SILLY LITTLE BITCH BOY OK”

Rachel put the pumpkin back on the ground and went to the two friends, curious to know what the quarrel was about. “what's poppin gayboy!” She loudly asked, slapping Jake's forearm strongly. “i am in peril and shaking and crying” “daddy issues” “yget?” He explained, gesturing towards the Russells.

“ah. please clarify what kind.” Rachel said, knowing Jake has a very questionable taste for fictional middle-aged men, such as Sigma Overwatch and the guy from the cowboy game. “the fuckin. family one rachel” “look at em just vibing and simply being gay”

Rachel and Henderson gave eachother a look that questioned whether Damon and Jake were going to be a thing or not, since Jake's technically still with Andre. “Considering the fact that they adopted Damon, they could probably also adopt you if you wanted to.” Henderson suggested, knowing Jake wouldn't like this and would stupidly unknowingly accidentally confess his love for Damon to them both right then and there.

“what?????” “ew no thatd be fuckin incest or some shit what the fuck” Jake said, being grossed out. “what would be the incestuous part, jacon. we did not say or hint at anything related to incest.” Rachel asked, making Jake's hair stand up in panic. “fuCKIN NOTHING DUH” “BUT LIKE YKNOW I GET CRUSHES REALLY EASILY YEA??????” Jake explained weirdly.

“So there's a new one right now, huh…” Henderson asked… feeling like she was in Ace Attorney. “no!!!! no wait” “well yea– no.. but i–” “fuck You but yes” Jake grumbled. “ah no, we won't tell, obviously. it was just getting way too obvious, so we just wanted to hear it from both sides.” “WH” Rachel said mysteriously, getting into the driver's seat of the pickup truck. “okay guys let's go!!” She yelled out, starting the engine. “THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??????” “BOTH SIDES???”

chapter dos

two four trucks

The journey to god knows fuckin where idk didn't plan i guess a fuckin cabin or smth idk was long and torturous, especially when Rachel said that cryptic-ass thing before going. What the fuck was that supposed to mean, bro.

sudden interlude for seating arrangements !!

truck 1: Henderson, rachel, whitney, CYPRUS

truck 2: jake, damon, marge, Andre, Aaron

truck 3: ace, Nova, Dennis

truck 4: sarah, ORC, Shaw, viper

truck two.

Jake awkwardly patted Marge's head in the backseat of the truck, avoiding eye contact with Damon and Andre. Of course he had to go on a three-day trip in the same car with his ex, his crush, AND his crush's father. God, he was pretty sure this was the lab rats' doing.

“cows.” Damon pointed outside, earning Andre's attention. “Holy– what are those?” He asked, taking his sunglasses off to admire the beautiful little cows. “Cows… we drink their milk and wear their skin as jackets…” Aaron explained, his eyes drifting from the road momentarily. “They can have best friends and stuff. Really nice guys. Also, they're expensive as hell.”

“Y–You do what. Their skin??” Andre asked, his voice a pitch higher than usual. “yeah and we rate them based on which layer it is. also, like their meat, expensive as hell. but still very cool.” Damon said, confusing Andre even more. “they also give us cheese and ice cream and whipped cream and stuff. underrated little babies. they deserve better.” “they also have nose rings which are punk as hell–”

“Wait, why the nose– cheese?! Cheese?! AND ice cream??!” Andre asked again, his mind attempting to comprehend the greatness that cows are. “Oh man, you are not ready to hear about pigs.” Aaron said jokingly. “What the fuck are pigs???” “Sausages, ham slices, bacon, lard, leather too, rotisserie–” “aaron please i'm gonna throw up.” “Oh, right. Sorry,”

Jake sat quietly in his seat, just now realising how much of his world Andre's missing. Sure, his world was much cooler, but do they have sheep? Palm trees? Penguins? Thought not, bitch. “andre do you know what a kangaroo is” He asked, breaking his silence like that one YouTuber.

“A what?” “kangaroo. some of them are buff as shit and they move by hopping. they cant hop backwards and they also keep their babies in little pouches attached to them and their bones and guts are exposed on the inside of said pouch. baby kangaroos are about the size of a jellybean, and the adults can box you”

“They what” “yea they're weird as fuck.” “its from australia so” “That sounds fake.” “oh man. wombats bro. quokkas. fuckin drop bears and flying foxes. PLATYPUSES!!!” “wombats poop in cubes and quokkas are always smiling” “Koala bears hold onto tree branches and eat their mom's shit, which is the leaves of said tree branches.” “Please stop what the fuck” “ohoho fucking GEESE” “GET IM JAKE MY NEIGHBOR HAD FUCKIN THREE OF THOSE BITCHES”

truck three.

The three sat silently, with the exception of Dennis, who was swearing at random times. “You call that a fuckin’ turn, old man?! HUH?!!” Ace's shoulders jumped, the sudden exclamations preventing them from sleeping through the trip. “This Is Probably The Last Time We'll See Each Other Alive.” Nova stated calmly. “i slept for like two minutes last night… didn't even get to wear conditioner today. unrelated but just sharing my struggles with you.” Ace said, shifting into a more comfortable sleeping position.

Dennis overheard the two talking, and opted to stay quiet for the rest of the trip, before stumbling across a strange sight. “FROG!!!” he yelled, waking up the duo. “he said fuck! he said the f” Ace yelled out while rubbing their eyes. “Are We Aliven't” Nova asked, stretching. “Sadly, no, but the good news is, I found a frog!” Dennis excitedly said, opening the car door.

“WHAT” “THAT SHITS GONNA POISON US WHAT THE FUCK” Nova yelled out, unfortunately not loud enough for Dennis to hear it. The man kept walking towards the creature that was technically an alien to them, and picked it up with watery hands. “DENNIS YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING KILL US ALL!!!!!!! DENNIS!!!!!!”

“So, you kids know how to handle a frog?” Dennis asked in a wholesome tone, alerting the two even more. “KILL IT KILL IT FUCKING KILL IT” “Oh, are you guys allergic to this little guy? Sorry, I'll put it in the dashboard instead.” “GET ITBOUT WHAT THE FUCK DENNID JESUS” “… Huh?” “POSIOJ DART FOGR” Nova shouted, hiding behind the passenger seat and being pushed by Ace, who was also going to hide there. “BITCH”

Dennis and the frog stared at them in confusion, hearing their horrified screams. “This is… a wood frog… not a poison dart… that one would probably die in this climate…” he explained plainly, his hands gently cupping the newfound friend. “oh. ok” Ace muttered quietly, while Nova maintained an awkward silence. “You can… pat them very softly if you want.” Dennis suggested. “Or spray the shit outta them. That could work too.”

Nova nervously held out her hand to pat the frog, then smiled in succeeding to do so. “Death Quivers Before Me” She said, proceeding to pat it even more. “can i do the spray thing.” Ace asked, their voice quiet as a whisper. “Yeah, sure. Go right ahead.”

*the frog was going to die so technically they didnt like fuck up the ecosystem or smth. do not attempt this irl.

truck four.

“What jolly tunes d'ya have on this here truck. Fellas.” Shaw asked, observing the radio. “uh, really, i don't think it'll be necessary!!!!!” Viper nervously said, only to be ignored. “NONSENSE! ONE'S TASTE IN SHANTIES PROVES TO BE A WINDOW INTO THEIR LIVES.” Orc said wisely, patting them on the shoulder. “i guess that's good advice, but really–”

TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX. TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX. MY MUSCLES. MY MUSCLES. INVOLUNTARILY FLEX.

“I SEE. A MATING SONG FOR YOUR SPECIES?” “my truck f### playlist,.,.,.” Viper tried to mute the speaker to no avail as most of the buttons on the control panel were very much broken. “I'm. Very sorry for this, pardner. But this doesn't sound so bad. I could put this in a jukebox…” Shaw consoled, only making them panic more. “im so f#ckig sorry” They said, before smashing the radio with a briefcase.

They all paused for a moment, unsure of what to do. “i have spotify…” Sarah croaked, holding up her phone. “they have lemon demon too, if you want…” She muttered, scrolling through the song choices. “does anyone want to listen to wet a–” “no.” “okay.”

The truck grew even quieter for a while, until Shaw gave a suggestion to pass the time. “Wanna play 20 questions?” “I'll start: how many folks have y'all killed?” Viper gave the assassin a horrified look, confusing her. “I think mine's around 150. No… 145…” She confessed, rubbing her chin. “Wait, or was it 160?”

“like six. do you like girls, and, follow up question, do you also coincidentally like short girls with long hair.” Sarah said without hesitation, stopping Orc from answering the first question. “Yes! I literally have a wife!” Shaw shouted happily, rolling up her sleeves to show Sarah her tattoos. “This one is her setting herself on fire and me getting inspired–” “ah, yes–” “That one was a total cover-up! Previously, it was the names of my exes, all thirteen of them, but now, it's my cat!”

After some time of receiving a bit too much RexShaw lore, Sarah finally got the answer she so desperately needed from Viper. This was the verdict that determines whether she could make a move or not. This answer could change– “i am gay and do not get attracted to women. thank you.” Ah. Back to more hunting. “I am a lesbian! High-five!” Shaw exclaimed.

And finally, the first truck.

truck one.

Loud country music blared in the truck as they drove by the snowy mountains of uhh. Winsnow. Like winter and snow. They had all chosen separate routes in order to cover more land and see if there were any new developments in the area.

“BRANDY!!! FETCH ANOTHER ROUNF!!!!!!” Rachel screeched as she drummed on the dashboard. “AND SHE FJSJS” Henderson kept driving, searching every inch of land for a rest stop to stretch her legs and also listen to something else.

“hendy.” Rachel said, getting her girlfriend's attention. “do you wanna buy that slime that cleans cars and stuff?” Henderson stared into the distance, pondering. “Hm. There's always the possibility of the slime disappearing under mysterious circumstances and turning up in the trash can the next day covered in saliva, so.” Whitney looked away, feeling attacked.

“yeah, that's a problem.” Rachel muttered, her hand instinctually moving to Henderson's. “Please don't crash the car.” She begged, looking sadly at her. “is there a domino's nearby. i heard they have that new peanut butter chocolate lava cake.” Rachel asked, cupping Henderson's face gently.

“Rachel. There's fucking mountains.” Henderson pointed out, gesturing towards their surroundings. “That shit will freeze.” Rachel put her head down in disappointment. “yeah. damn.” “MORE FLESH!!! MORE FLESH!!! MORE FUCKING FLESH!!!”

Oh yeah, Cyprus was here the whole time. “why does the metal say fuck?????” And Whitney too! “MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS. FLESH NEEDED!” Cyprus yelled out, resembling a hungry toddler on a road trip.

“do you want like a burger or something......” Whitney asked, judging the spirit. “FLESH” “like are you more of a kfc or a mcdonalds guy” “NEED FLESH” She gave the couple a look, one that was kind of undecipherable due to her lack of normal face details like eyebrows, visible pupils, etc.

“So, three peanut butter lava cakes and one meat lover's… what else?” “ah!!!!!! no lava cake for me, i'm on a diet!!!!!! dirt and dirt only!!!!!!!!!!! also fish bones as a treat” Whitney corrected, her eyes searching for a nearby body of water. “Or, we could get Cyprus the fish meat, and Whitney the bones.” “sounds good to me!!!!!!!!” “FLESH”

…

“welcome to domino's! can i get your order?”

“three peanut butter lava cakes, please. that's all. thank you.” Rachel said, her seat switched with Henderson's, who was too nervous to order. “okay but they each take like three hours to make” “what.” “yea you can stop by like the grocery store up ahead” “fuck you for ordering this” “i–” “fuck off”

the grocewy stowe

The truck stopped by the front of the building, Rachel telling them to go in first while she searches for a good parking spot. Much to Henderson's disappointment.

“My lover…” Henderson said with fear in her voice. “it's okay… go along… i… i have to do this for you…” “for you all… i won't forget the good that you've done to me and everyone i've ever known…” “Rach, please don't go, I lo–” “you all are the kindest people… heaven may wait eagerly for you, but as for me, the ground trembles for its latest meal. fresh from the oven, i will enter the furnace…” “why the fuck would they cook you again” “because i'm TOAST!!” “haha”

“Kill Ronald Reagan while you're at it… I forgot which one he is but I'm pretty sure he's a total bitch…” “i will meet you doomguy” “heeeeeeeh” Rachel whined weakly as she slowly drove over to the spot she wanted.

MOTHERFUCKER.

A silver Honda Civic quickly made its way into there, angering the scientist. “not on my watch, fucker.” Rachel muttered, sliding the pickup truck across the road. She slammed her palm onto the car horn, which terrified even a murder of crows.

“huh wonder who that is” “hm anyway which fish do u like ???? :-)”

A woman who seemed to be in her late 40s exited the Honda Civic, throwing a rather large and flashy boa around her neck. “Jesús, ít's cold in hère,” The lady commented, putting on a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses. “Márie, come along, ma cheghhy!” (i forgot how to spell it)

oh, son of a B I T C H .

it's the french lady who smells weird.

Of course, seeing your enemy in any circumstance that wasn't planned was clearly a little scary and will probably be your last day alive, but bumping into them at a Target was kinda… awkward.

Both the hazelnut and the dolphin were less armed and armoured than usual, and there weren't any bodyguards or security. Usually, if a top leader goes anywhere, the standard protocol was to do thirty separate background checks on the location and have it guarded up somewhere in the three months before their arrival.

So, obviously, someone in Top 50 driving around town in a decades-old car buying groceries isn't very safe, or probably even legal. Hell, she hasn't even seen them wear anything this ridiculous ever. Could this be a distraction? Or is it an opportunity?

Ah, wait, they're both wearing their stupid little marriage bracelets.

It's the middle of October.

This is their anniversary vacation.

Shit.

in the store

Henderson strolled through the aisles with Whitney at her side, hugging Cyprus's jar. She examined the cereal boxes to make sure they didn't contain any food colouring that could potentially kill her.

Whitney, on the other hand, zoomed over to the meat section, licking her lips at the sight of a raw cod. “cyprus…… do you feel that? the need to devour a being???? the uncontrollable desire for energy that it transcends all laws and regulations placed on mankind?????? the growing hunger for power, one that's so strong it controls your every need????

a natural, primal instinct to become such a brutal being that no one, not even you, recognise yourself anymore. you look at yourself in the mirror and you feel like you want to destroy that, to put yourself onto the pedestal you belong on, to wreak havoc on the cosmos of all beings, living and dead, real and mythical, walking and extinct.

you know that you're the only who understands this instinct, the only one who follows it to this distance. everyone else may underestimate you, but in the end, you'll rise above them all. man's natural instinct is to become the ruler of all.”

“What the fuck, Whitney. Anyway, I talked to the deli guy and he said he could pay you to eat up some scraps if you want. You down?” Henderson asked, her trolley already full of snacks. “yea fuck it man” Whitney replied, walking over to the ‘staff only’ door. “im hungy as fuck”

parking lot.

Despite the growing need to kill the woman, Rachel was managing to control herself. Even though this was the perfect opportunity to eliminate one of them, she knows she'll be replaced by someone much crueler. So for now, she'll just stick to watching this lady consider which can of tomato sauce is better than the other.

Rachel parked the truck near the entrance and the Honda Civic. She kept an eye on the couple as she quietly made her way inside through the back door.

“So thàt's when Í saìd, ‘that's not a cactùs, that's a lámp!” Karén playfully said, her hand entwined with her wife's. Rachel was unsure whether to stalk the two or join her friends in shopping.

WELL, FIND THAT OUT IN THE NEXT PART,

B I T C H !! !! !!