#“if you could be anything what would you be?” asks transgender band

[cannibalistic-vampirefag]

guys what if what they're announcing is gerard way's transition.... .

[xxfaggatronxx]

Mmmmmm Price-

But this time it’s Father’s Day related.

(Update: felt there wasn’t enough Gaz, so I added a few more blurbs of text.)

Price had a semi-normal upbringing. His parents were strict Catholics, everyone was hetero, cis, and white. He was always a little nervous talking about Father’s Day with his team though, as no one else had a Dad, or at least a good one, in Simon’s case.

Johnny’s dad walked out on them, the Scot growling whenever someone asked, but then he would proudly go on about how he helped his six younger sisters and what they were all doing now, or blab about how he didn’t need a father, he was the man of the household. But Price sometimes saw the hurt in his eyes, how Johnny would never talk about why his dad left. He explained one night, after a few beers, that he came out as transgender, female to male, and his sisters soon came out afterwards, seeing that their mother was accepting.

Johnny blamed himself for their father leaving, as the man was homophobic and transphobic, it seemed.

Simon’s father was a work all on its own; a druggie with a want for living in the past, ignoring the needs of his children just to get another quick fix, achieve a high that was as impossible as touching the stars with both feet planted firmly on the ground. Simon wasn’t closed off about this, gruffly and almost openly talking about their experiences with their shit father, how the man had turned its younger brother against them, made their job seem like it was criminal and bloodthirsty. Sometimes, if they were in the right mood, with a book in their hands and the worn baclava, it would quietly talk about their deceased nephew, Joseph.

How they would help the boy make Father’s Day cards. And near invisible tears would fill its eyes as they explained the first time Joseph was old enough to make a card on his own, he gave it to Simon instead of his father. No one mentioned how that same card was framed in their office.

Kyle. Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. Kyle didn’t have a father. Well, he did, but his father was a literal sperm donor. He was raised by his two moms, lovely women who had come to drop off brownies and other treats, how they found the secretive 141 base made Price turn to Kyle, who blushed when he asked, making a meek noise. “…My Mums track my phone,” Price was amused, his sergeant who dealt with life-or-death situations, was timid when it came to his Mums, and it was no wonder, as it seemed they put the Fear of God in that boy whenever he was slightly rude to anyone.

Price had asked about his father one time, trying to seek someone who had one, and Kyle’s nose had wrinkled, confusing Price. He had talked about two parents. The sergeant had laughed: “Mate, I grew up with my Mums, not a bloke in sight,” Price was immediately shot down, apparently having the only Non-shitty, present father figure in his life.

Gaz being anxious around two of Price’s other favorites, a certain….. couple. A couple who was looking for a third. Farah and Alex. Price could see the way Kyle near fell over his own feet in his haste to get either of their attentions, Price…. Nudging him along sometimes. Giving him pep-talks and little quizzes.

“Just talk to them! Remember, Alex likes….”

Gaz would pipe up. “Specifically rainbow-dyed Daisies, the band Green Day and Nirvana or anything considered Classic Rock, but he prefers to call it just Rock, and he takes his favorite drink, green tea, with four sugars and a spoon of cream, with Jaffa cakes!”

“Good. Farah prefers…”

Gaz would smirk, and expert in this particular subject, as he and Farah were so similar. “Farah likes daffodils, any Lofi hip-hop station, but she likes the one where the girl is writing in a book and an orange cat is on the windowsill, and she only drinks espresso on Thursdays, every other day is raspberry tea, nothing else.”

“Atta boy! Now…. Do you want a smoke?” And Kyle, he would smile at the fact Price shared his very expensive, Cuban cigars with just him. They would both watch a game of Futbol, new or old, and yell profanities at the opposing team until Soap, drowsy and pissed that they were screaming at two in the morning, with his partner Simon sleepily holding his hand, would yell. “Stop yelling at the damn box! Some of us sleep, ye ken?!”

Price fixed his boys’ views on fathers, and Father’s Day.

Fixing everyone tea in the mornings, coffee for a certain Scot who grimaced at the ‘Warm Leaf Water’ served to him. It also included going out for brunch, taking the boys to a brunch at Waffle House, Kyle grinning and going on about the waffles, and Simon who would order their single cup of coffee and too much creamer as Kyle looked on in horror at the lack of waffles. Then there was Johnny, who would steal bites from Kyle’s plate, even with his own breakfast. Price would end up apologizing to the waiter, at the end of it all, leaving a big tip.

What with Simon’s near refusal to speak to strangers, Price would order for them as they glared at the poor Waffle House server, Johnny changing the song on the old jukebox in the corner to anything Scottish, making the Brits in the Manchester Waffle House curl their lips in annoyance, to Kyle’s oddly specific order about how he wanted the eggs done a certain way and the amount of sugar in the waffles and how they needed to use oat milk in the waffle and-

“Sorry my boys are being so rowdy,” Price had sighed one day, and Kyle and Johnny had beamed, Simon blinking in surprise. Price brushed it off.

Price got used to leaving fifty dollar tips.

Then there was shopping. Simon liked the clothes at Hot Topic and Spencer’s the best, as it was mostly black. Kyle and Johnny could also find shirts they liked there too. Sometimes it was chaos, Johnny trying on the most outrageous outfits, asking if the thong he was modeling looked good or made his ass look fat, always joking. Kyle would wolf whistle and Simon would grip their knees with wide eyes, Price sighing and shaking his head.

Kyle would then follow after Johnny, putting on the crop tops and near panty-like shorts, asking if he looked gay, as Kyle himself was bisexual. Johnny would howl with laughter, “Not gay enough! I can’t see your dick-print, lose the underwear!” Simon looked horrified and would blush as people turned to stare in the dressing rooms.

Often times, Simon would follow after Price, dead eyed stare and built like a brick shithouse, and Price would have to ask for double XL shirts for his…

“Excuse me, do you have any XXL shirts? It’s for my… kid,” Price settled so it wasn’t as awkward for the employee. He didn’t notice Simon stiffen, and the employee walked away to find the requested shirt in the required size. Price turned and noticed their stared, grumbling about how they acted like kids anyways, so he might as well address them as such. He saw Simon tear up and quickly wipe their tears away, and could see a faint smile beneath their mask.

Johnny took the most of these to heart, and it wasn’t long until Price sought Johnny out, hearing soft sniffling from his room. “Son, you alright in there?” Price asked with a gentle voice each time, knowing exactly what was wrong, what was happening behind the closed door. Price would open the door, seeing Johnny in his boxers, binder off and too-big shirt, that was most definitely one of Simon’s, draped over his form.

“It’s stupid, Sir, I ken it’s just mah’ head and dumb hormones…” Johnny would mutter with grit teeth, testosterone bottle and a needle in hand, the syringe not even filled. It was a weekly dance, every Saturday like clockwork, if it could be helped. Sometimes missions got in the way though, and it was now three weeks deep, and Johnny hadn’t had his shot.

Price sat beside him, rubbing his back until Johnny handed over the needle. And they would go through the motions. He would insert the needle into the vial and draw up the thick, syrupy medication. Flick the end to get the air bubbles out, then pinch, insert, press, remove, massage. Then it was about reassuring and making sure Johnny was in a good headspace, letting him know that the team didn’t care about his body, only that he was happy.

And on Father’s Day, if he took after Simon and hung up the three handmade cards in his office, proudly displayed for all to see: rookies and bosses alike, who cared? Specially if all of them said:

‘To the Best Father I’ve had,’ From Simon

‘For my Dad,’ From John

‘To my Third Parent,’ From Kyle

[hanna-lulu]

i’ve been comparing the usa now to germany circa the late 1930s and it is not a favorable comparison.

let’s see what we’ve got:

increasing antisemitism

increasing transphobia

increasing ableism

continued oppression of indigenous peoples

laws being introduced to ban gender-affirming care and remove children from their homes if they are allowed to live as they wish

books being banned for having honest and age-appropriate portrayals of race/racism and queerness/homophobia

pushing maid (medical assistance in dying) on people with disabilities and even people who are just poor (this is more in canada but i’m including it here anyway)

a right wing that is seen as ridiculous and absurd, yet is somehow still managing to hold onto power while liberals/leftists laugh it off as if they’ll run out of steam

it’s important to note that in the 1930s, when hitler came to power, the international community thought he was a joke. his overblown rhetoric was silly, his history was laughable, and nobody took him seriously. they thought it would all blow over. also, he wasn’t saying anything that a lot of people didn’t secretly agree with. antisemitism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and racism were widespread throughout europe and the usa, and a lot of people had less of a problem with what he was saying and more with how he was saying it. (think kanye west’s antisemitic comments, which joe rogan did attempt to stop him from making so blatantly, but didn’t actually disagree with.)

the first medical and educational facility for gender affirming care was in berlin. did you know that? the institut für sexualwissenschaft (known variably in english as institute of sex research, institute of/for sexology, or institute for the science of sexuality) was founded in 1919 and headed by magnus hirschfeld, who was both gay and jewish. he helped build a library in the institute that was dedicated to the topics of gender, eroticism, and same-sex love. the research undertaken there regarded sexual health of all people, gay, transgender, and intersex, as well as counseling and treatment for alcoholism, gynecological issues, venereal diseases, contraceptives, and more. sexual reassignment surgeries were performed successfully there. the goal was to help those who were suffering because they could not live as who they truly were and to educate the common people, because people fear what they see as different, what they cannot understand.

you won’t find the books in that library today. they were burned as part of the nazis’ campaign of terror and censorship. in 1933, 6 years before world war 2 officially broke out, the institut was broken into and looted by the deutsche studentenschaft (aka the german student union). young adults who had spent their formative years surrounded by hateful rhetoric were accompanied by a brass band as they destroyed this oasis of understanding and knowledge. hirschfeld himself had fled germany years before, as he had been targeted numerous times by nationalists/far right “activists”.

berlin once had a thriving queer community. germany was a home to many jews, my own great-grandparents included. my great-grandmother’s younger brother had a learning disability. their home turned on them out of fear and ignorance, the people told by their leaders that other human beings were not really human, but degenerate filth. my great-grandparents escaped with their lives. many– my great-grandma’s brother included– did not.

the concentration camps that imprisoned and killed so many jewish, queer, and/or disabled people (as well as romani and political prisoners, and japanese-americans IN THE USA) are not consigned to the past. our prison system disenfranchises those who are placed in it and uses them for unpaid labor. refugees are caged for daring to hope that our country– the so-called “land of the free”– would take them in when their homes turned on them. indigenous people are ridiculed and attacked for wanting to help our planet heal and for asking to conserve the land that was stolen from their ancestors. almost a hundred years since the holocaust, and we still haven’t learned.

don’t look away from this. it’s not going to blow over. those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and we are already experiencing a resurgence of fascist beliefs and rhetoric.

write to your representatives. VOTE. protest if and when you can. show them that we are HERE and we refuse to be written out of the history books, banned or burned away. we are human beings. we live and love and deserve to do so with dignity.

and if appealing to your humanity isn’t enough, remember this poetic version of a quote by german lutheran pastor martin niemöller, an early nazi collaborator and antisemite who later changed his views and opposed hitler’s oppressive regime:

“first they came for the socialists, and i did not speak out–

because i was not a socialist.

then they came for the trade unionists, and i did not speak out–

because i was not a trade unionist.

then they came for the jews, and i did not speak out–

because i was not a jew.

then they came for me– and there was no one left to speak for me.”

there is always another enemy in fascism. anyone who is different will eventually be a target. white supremacy is poison, and fitting the mold of a “perfect citizen” cannot keep you safe. queer infighting and pushing down people who you find “too weird” will not stop the people who hate all of us. to the far right, we are all wrong to our very cores. solidarity in the face of oppression is the only way to survive, live, and thrive.

[calmasyoghurt]

The joker out pride project.

On tumblr and on ao3.

June 9th, prompt 11. Genderfluid discussions.

Almost an entire month goes by before Kris decides she has to tell someone about all the transgender things she’s learnt. The warmth of early June has finally come to Ljubljana, and the guitar lessons that have become the highlights of Kris’ weeks are about to go on pause for the summer. Kris knows that if she wants to talk about what she’s learned anytime soon, then she has to do it with Jan, and she has to do it before he goes home after their last lesson of the spring together.

Luckily, Jan has no plan on leaving early after their lesson that week. When the teacher has thanked them for this term and wished them a happy summer, Jan simply looks at Kris and says “You have something you want to talk to me about, haven’t you?”. It’s a bit weird, how Jan always seems to know what someone else is thinking. But in this moment Kris is really thankful for that, she hadn’t known how to ask him to stay. Jan simply takes Kris with him, first to the store to get them each something to drink, and then to their usual spot on the grass near the bus station. When they sit down, Jan goes quiet, waiting for Kris to speak. It takes a moment for Kris to collect her thoughts, but eventually she thinks she knows what to say.

“I... I watched some videos on youtube. Did you know that it’s possible to change your gender? There’s surgeries and hormones and, I don’t know, people change their names and stuff”. Kris can hear the nervousness in her own voice. At first she doesn’t even dare to look at Jan, but when she does, he’s looking straight into her eyes.

“I think I’ve heard about that, yes. Is that- would you want any of that?”. It’s calming in a way, to see Jan so calm. He doesn’t seem to think it’s a weird thing to talk about. His question, however, is a difficult one to answer. Kris has asked herself the same thing so many times over the past month, and haven’t been able to come to a clear answer.

“Maybe? I don’t really know. Some of the videos I watched described things that felt like perfect descriptions of me, while I couldn’t relate at all to some of the other ones”.

“You don’t need to do everything though. It doesn’t matter if you want to change one thing or ten things or nothing about yourself. You’ll still be human. I’ll still be your friend”.

Kris’ heart feels like it’s about to explode from emotions. How does Jan always seem to know exactly what to say? Because yes, there might be a few things that Kris would like to change. There are also things that should stay the same. Her friendship with Jan, that’s a thing that shouldn’t change.

“Look, no matter what you do, you’re always my friend, okay? How about this, you’ll go think about if there are any small changes you want to do. Think about if you’d want a new name, or if you want to be called ‘he’, or get your hair cut. Anything like that. Then, on Saturday next week, you take the bus out to Vrhnika. If you want to change anything, we change it, if you don’t, then we jam instead. We’ll have to get that band started anyways. Okay?”.

And of course it’s okay. How could it not be when a plan is served to Kris such a simple way. Everything will be alright.

[hxllfires-gifs]

PAIRING. ethan torchio x trans!male!reader

SUMMARY. being transgender with dysphoria was painful for y/n but ethan was always there to make it a little bit better.

WORD COUNT. 913

CRYING FILLED THE bathroom’s silence as Y/N L/N stared at himself in the mirror. This is something that had gone on for the past couple of minutes; he was feeling insecure, more than that honestly. He was unable to pinpoint what triggered these feelings this time but all he knew was that it sucked. He hated getting this way so often but it really wasn’t something that he could control.

Being a transgender male was difficult for a plethora of reasons and the dysphoria did not help matters. He had only recently been starting the process of transitioning. He had started Testosterone, which was exciting to him, but he hated that he had to do it in the first place.

Why was he born in such a feminine body? It was a question that he asked himself too often. There wasn’t many parts of his body that he actually didn’t mind and he didn’t like saying ‘my body’ because he didn’t feel like that’s what it was. Why would he?

The days when he just stood in front of a mirror and cried were not good for his mental health but sometimes he didn’t see how things could get worse. He really did try but the bad days just brought him down so much.

However, he felt lucky that he had such a lovely support system in his boyfriend and their friends. Ethan Torchio had been such an angel to Y/N, even before he came out to anyone. The Italian was so respectful and genuine. He was always ready to share his clothes with his boyfriend which Y/N greatly appreciated.

He was the one who kept Y/N going during these difficult times. The male didn’t know what he would do without Ethan and he didn’t want to think about it since it gave him anxiety.

Speaking of, the brunette had just gotten back home from recording at the studio with the band, which his boyfriend hadn’t realized. The sound of the H/C haired boy’s cries could be heard from their bedroom and it broke Ethan’s heart. He wished that he could take every ounce of pain away but he sadly couldn’t. However, that didn’t mean that he never tried.

The Torchio soon made his way into the bathroom and frowned at the sight of his lover. He didn’t completely understand what Y/N felt but he would always try to and he would always listen.

“Amore mio, what’s wrong?” The words were soft and gentle, not wanting to startle the other male, even though he was in plain sight.

The L/N sniffled. “Everything about me is just wrong! My face is too feminine, my hips are too wide, I’m not tall enough. I will never be able to pass as a guy. It freaking hurts.”

Ethan walked closer to his boyfriend, his body towering over Y/N’s slightly. “Can I touch you?”

He didn’t want to make his lover anymore uncomfortable but he wanted to calm him down, show him love, make sure that he was not alone no matter how much it felt like it sometimes. Once he saw the male nod his head, he gently wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, Y/N’s back to his chest.

“I know I don’t understand what you are going through but it hurts me to see you like this. I hate how you constantly put yourself down. Things will get better and I hope that your dysphoria becomes less severe as time goes on and as the Testosterone starts doing its thing.”

“I’m here for you every step of the way. I know you have anxiety when it comes to surgery and being put under anesthesia but if you decide you need top surgery or anything else, I’ll support you. You’re not in this alone.” Ethan kissed the top of his lover’s head.

He continued what was now becoming a speech, unable to stop himself. “I want you to also remember that it’s okay to take your time. You don’t have to come out to anyone else if you’re not ready and you don’t have to make decisions about surgeries and stuff if you don’t feel comfortable.”

His comment about coming out was referring to Y/N’s family who weren’t all that supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community. It was something that also brought Y/N down but he tried not to care so much, although it was hard since it was his family; his parents, his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins.

Ethan then placed his head onto his lover’s right shoulder. “When I look into the mirror at you, I see nothing but handsome boyfriend who I love with my whole being. You are the most important thing to me and I will never let you forget it.”

Y/N turned around in Ethan’s arms to look at him. He reached a hand up to wipe his tears, feeling a little better because of his boyfriend’s kindness. “Thank you,” he was quick enough to say before his brain started thinking of just how grateful he was for his relationship.

“Of course, like I said, I’m always here for you.” His reassurance made Y/N feel better. He always loved knowing that he had someone who genuinely cared and wanted the best for him.

Ethan didn’t take long to add, “Now, do you want to go watch ‘Grease’ and cuddle? I think that will take your mind off of things and stop you from spiraling.”

“I’d love that,” Y/N L/N spoke softly.

AUTHOR’S NOTE! if you are someone who does experience dysphoria, i’m so sorry. you are strong and beautiful! i have personally gone through it as well but not to a severe level; but i’ve still cried over it and felt terrible, so i hope this can give at least one person some sort of comfort. i love you all, whoever is reading this.

[asimpforthe80s]

I Love You So Much, My Precious Boy

Starring: Supportive!Eddie x Transmasc!Reader

Warnings: fluff, phalloplasty, mastectomy, transgender reader getting a phalloplasty.

A/N: I'm genderfluid and today I've felt a lot like a boy, so I decided to write a transgender reader fic. It's a little short, but I'll probably make some more in June.

You had gotten a mastectomy a few months ago, and today was your phalloplasty. Eddie said he was gonna drive you there a little later, so now you were on your way to his trailer once again.

He had supported you through all of this, helped you get money, fixed your hair and everything in between. You were so happy he was your boyfriend and looked forward to later today.

When you arrived, you quickly went inside and hugged him. "Hey, baby."

"Hey, beautiful," Eddie said, smiling. "Ready to become the boy you want to be and take the next step?"

You nodded. "Definitely..!"

"Alright! So, I know it's a big day and we have to leave soon, but would you wanna like go shopping or do other fun stuff while we wait?"

"We can go clothing shopping?"

"Of course we can, and maybe later get some food. Just so it's not too dull." You nodded. "Sure."

"Cool, let's go get you some new clothes," Eddie said, offering to take your hand like a true gentleman. You chuckled and took his hand, walking out to his van.

Eddie led you into town. After a bit of a drive, he pulled into the parking lot at the mall, opening the door for you once you were there. "Such a gentleman." You joked, getting out of the passenger seat. "Oh, you know it," Eddie said, winking. "Now let's find you a nice outfit and some other fun things!" Eddie said, his excitement infectious. "Yeah!"

Eddie and you walked inside, going to the men's section first. Eddie handed you a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, saying "Here, try these on and see how you like them." You went into the changing rooms, soon coming out in the outfit. Eddie smiled, looking the outfit up and down and nodding in approval. "Nice! They fit you well. You like them?"

You were overly happy, feeling like this was so very right. "Yeah.. what aesthetic are these?"

Eddie looked at you, then at the clothes. "Well, the jeans are just regular old jeans, but I'd say... hm, maybe skater boy?" You looked at yourself in the mirror. "It feels.. feels like me.."

Eddie stepped over behind you. "I'm glad," he said, putting one arm around your waist. He leaned in and kissed you on the cheek. "I love you so much, you know that?"

"I love you more, baby," Eddie said, smiling at you as he looked at you in your new outfit.

"You think I can get it?" Looking down at the clothes, posing a little. "Hell yeah you can get it," Eddie said, looking you up and down. "Damn, you look good." A soft chuckle left your lips. "You think so?"

"Oh, I know so," Eddie said, laughing. "But hey, let's get you some more clothes, and we could get some matching stuff if you want." He kissed your cheek. "Yes! Like, some band things like you?" You asked, turning to him with that adorable smile you both knew Eddie loved. Eddie chuckled, smiling back. He took your hand again and started leading you back to the shelves. "Yeah, we can definitely get some merch from some bands we like and we could also get some matching hoodies or jackets, you know, that couple's look." You were so happy. "Yeah, definitely!"

"What bands are you in the mood for right now?" Eddie asked. "We could get some Slipknot, Metallica, you name it."

"Anything, really. Just something to match your punky metalhead style." Eddie smiled. "Sure, we can do that. Let's get some metal shirts and maybe some cool jackets." Eddie led you over to the displays and started looking through them. "Let me know if there are any you want!" The two of you looked around and found a few outfits. You couldn't be happier today.

After you paid, you went to the hospital to get your phalloplasty. Eddie was right by your side for the whole trip. He held your hand and comforted you as you waited for when you'd be called to have your surgery. The whole time he looked over at you and smiled at you excitedly. He was so happy you were finally getting what you've always wanted. "I can't believe that our relationship led to this.. I love you.. so very fucking much.."

Eddie smiled. "I love you so much, I'll be your rock through all this and every step of the way."

Soon, you heard your name called, and Eddie squeezed your hand and smiled. "You're ready, baby? You're gonna do great."

Nodding, you stood up. "Let's do this..!" you said, taking a deep breath as you walked towards the nurse who led you to the surgery room. Eddie walked with you. As the nurse lead you away to do all the pre-op stuff like check your vital signs, Eddie kissed you on the cheek. "I love you, and I'll see you once you're done, baby. It's gonna go smooth!"

"Yeah!" You followed the nurse as Eddie got told to wait in the waiting room. Eddie watched as you walked off, and then sat down in the waiting room. He had his phone out and was playing games to pass the time. Soon, he heard a ding and saw he got a text. He opened it and saw you sent him a picture of you in a hospital bed, grinning happily and a thumbs up. "It started," Eddie mumbled to himself, smiling.

Under the whole procedure, you sent weird pictures and texts to pass the time. And to lighten your anxiety, of course.

Eddie smiled at the pictures, sending you love messages to calm you. He also sent you some funny memes.

After a few hours, you sent a text reading, "I'm out, babe." Eddie texted back quickly, "Can i see you?!" He said, adding a bunch of hearts. "Come on." You texted him with a smiley and a heart. Eddie texted back "I'll be right there."

He quickly got up and walked into the hall, looking for the room you were in. When he got to it, he opened the door and walked in and, seeing you, his heart melted. The boy of his dreams was sitting there, his hand bandaged, grinning at him. He smiled and walked over and kissed your forehead. "Hey, baby, how are you feeling?"

You were smiling as hell. Never been happier in your life. Tears slowly formed in your eyes. "Feel amazin' babe.." Eddie hugged you tightly. "I'm so proud of you. Are you in any pain?" Eddie asked, holding your bandaged hand. "Do you need anything?" He asked, smiling at you, tears in his own eyes.

"Just cuddles, please." You tried drying your tears, but they didn't stop. You couldn't feel happier in your body than now.

Eddie smiled and brought you in for a tight hug, rubbing your back softly. He kissed you on the head, smiling at you. "You're such an amazing boy, love you," Eddie whispered in your ear, hugging you tightly. You couldn't help but cry more as he called you a boy.

He held you tighter, whispering "I love you so much, my precious boy. I'm excited for everyone to recognize that and see you as the man you are."

Thanks for reading!

Tag list: @reidsbtch

[scarabsinthestardust]

Eclosion

This is a little something I wrote for someone close to me, who just took the big step of coming out as transgender to a parent who is less than supportive. Thankfully, they do have a wonderful support system outside of that, but it's so important to note that not everyone is lucky enough to have that.

This is a coming out story, and it does deal with some difficult emotions and feelings of anxiety, depression, etc. However, a supportive, sweetheart Josh helps soothe the ache. If this isn't for you, don't read. For those that do, thank you for taking the time.

Established relationship, and is written to be gender neutral, so the reader can take what they want from it.

eclosion // noun // defined as the emergence of an insect from its egg or from the pupal case

My heart is pounding so hard within my chest that I can feel it fluttering in my throat. It feels tight, the pressure of my anxieties making me believe my own body might suffocate me. I wonder, for just a moment, if that would be easier. I’ve been unhappy for so long, resentful of my own existence, afraid of what’s inside of me. I’ve been fighting it, tooth and nail, pushing it down until it bubbles and boils in my gut, thick like black tar and noxious gas. I’ve been trapped. I’ve been hiding. I don’t want to hide anymore. I’m so tired of forcing myself to be something I am not. I am at my limit. The band is pulled taut, and it is going to snap, one way or another.

He sits next to me, hands holding mine, face painted with concern. I know he’s worried, and I wonder if he’s afraid, too. It makes me feel guilty. My love, my starshine, my constant, my steady in this oh-so unsteady life. He’s unsure why I asked him to meet me in this place where the land meets the water, where we watch the sun sink beneath the horizon, saying its goodbyes to the world below it. It’s peaceful here, quiet, sure of itself. The earth doesn’t ask if it's broken, if it’s damaged, if its life is worth living, if it’s a mistake.

His eyes are laced with silent distress, but more than that, they are filled to the brim with care and love, feeling that are directed at me. He would give anything to take the pain away, to hold it away from me, out of my reach, so that it can’t hurt me anymore. A soft wind rustles his curls, as if nudging him along, telling him that it’s okay. I need it all to be okay.

I want to go back to simpler times, when I could still pretend that I wasn’t different, when I didn’t have to understand what was wrong with me. But there is no going back, no erasing the truth I need to learn to accept.

Josh is patient, as he always has been, and he doesn’t push me. He knows I’ll talk when I’m ready and have my thoughts in order. The truth is, I already know what I’m going to say, but I’m terrified, petrified. I am paralyzed with the fear that I will be a different person in his eyes, that he won’t want me anymore, that he’ll hate me for who I am.

But eventually, his tender, loving nature and sheer warmth radiating from deep in his soul conquers the fear and gives me the push I need to take the leap. The tears are falling freely now, and I’m holding onto him so tightly, as if I need his touch as badly as I need oxygen. And as the tears fall, leaving salty trails down my cheeks, I finally speak. Between choked sobs the words escape, and I am unable to stop them.

I do my best to explain to my love the plethora of different feelings swirling in a vortex inside my mind.

I’ve felt different for as long as I can remember, never knowing who I really am. For so long I’ve hidden behind a mask, faked it so that I could pretend to be whatever people wanted me to be. But I don’t want to pretend anymore, Joshy. It took me a long time to make sense of it all, but I know now. Or maybe I’ve always known, somewhere deep down. I’m not happy with who I am, and I’m so, so tired of trying to uphold other people’s expectations and standards simply based on the body I was born with.

Oh, Lovey.

He coos his nickname for me as he attempts to soothe my sobs, to slow the tears, to calm my erratic breaths.

I’m so scared.

Shh, I know, baby, I know. Thank you for telling me.

My head falls onto his shoulder, and I cry harder, wracking my muscles and creating a wet spot on his T-shirt. He holds me, his gentle hands rubbing circles on my back.

I don’t want to lose you.

He sits me up, then, taking my face in his hands. I search his eyes for any signs of disgust, disappointment, hatred. I don’t find any. Only warmth, only love.

You won’t lose me. I promise.

Everything is going to change. I’m going to change.

And I will be right here with you through it all. There is nothing in this universe that could ever make me stop loving you. I will always be here, no matter what is to come. Where there is love, we will live on, in each other.

He places a hand on my chest, and my heart thumps wildly in response.

And where there is not love, we will provide it. We will create it, every day, throughout this journey. You will not walk alone. We will walk the path together.

He leans forward, his forehead touching mine, his russet-colored eyes boring into mine.

Every single piece of you is a part of me, Lovey. Forever.

[montied]

3, 7, 8, 12, 13, 22, 27, 30, 34, 35, 37, 43, 48, 49, 53, 59, 63, 66

for the music ask game

sorry not sorry for the amount of questions lol

that is A Lot uh okay

3. Do you listen to more oldies or more current stuff?

honestly its probably mostly a fairly even mix, i like both old and more modern music

7. Would you wear a t-shirt of a band you're not into?

probably not? mostly because i'd rather have a shirt of a band i do like (PINKSHIFT i've wanted a pinkshift shirt for so long) and don't want to like. waste the shirt??? if that makes sense

8. Is there an artist or song that you like, despite being of a genre you don't usually like?

i don't think so?

12. Who’s the most obscure artist you listen to?

most obscure? uhhh at the moment most of what i'm listening to is pretty popular tbh but that honestly just depends on what i can find. for my answer i'll say blussh though (uh fun fact at the end of one of their songs they go "X-O X-O, Blussh" and that is why i tag my posts #xoxo.monty)

13. Who’s the most popular/mainstream artist you listen to?

fall out boy almost definitely

22. What’s your favorite song or album from the year you were born?

(i am sticking to my principle of Not Sharing My Age Online so i'm gonna go with an album that was released in any january instead )

transgender dysphoria blues <33

27. Do you enjoy making playlists? If so, are there any you’re proud of and would like to share?

oh i love making playlists i have one for each month and many other playlists too its very fun uhhh as for ones im especially proud of .... uh none that i can think of but you can have my july 2023 playlist though i like that one

30. Songs you love to sing along to:

basically anything by mcr or pinkshift or fob and a large portion of songs by against me!

34. Your favorite song in your native language (if it isn’t English) OR in your second language (if English is your first):

oh god im terrible for this. i mean i dont really have a second language but im learning french in school so i'll count that. anyway yes pretty much everything i listen to is in english but i'll be very basic and just say alors on danse

35. A song you like in a language you don’t speak:

aaaag fuck i cant think of anything. do i get a pass

37. If you could travel in time and go to a concert of an artist who’s no longer alive or a band that’s no longer together, who would you choose?

queen probably

43. Do you enjoy musicals? If so, what’s your favorite?

i've never seen one irl but heathers? maybe?

48. Who’s an artist you think it’s criminally underrated and deserves more recognition?

pinkshift is fairly popular already i think but. they should be More So

49. Is there a cover you like more than the original version?

oh heaps but uh probably the teenage joans' cover of call me maybe

53. Is there a song you hated the first time you listened to but then loved after listening to it more times?

no? i don't think so at least?

59. Do you listen to music when it's raining or do you stop to hear the sound of the rain?

depends how i'm feeling tbh.

63. Do you prefer live recordings or studio recordings?

studio recordings

thanks for the ask moon <33

[chilidogloverr]

“I just came from r/196” ask game

Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.

Name? Jarrod

Pronouns and gender? they/he, guy???

Sexuality? Pansecual

Country? USA MERICA FUCK YEAH🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

Top 5 fandoms? hazbin/helluva, fnaf, team four trees two, i forgor the rest

What is your Most forbidden snack? fabuloso also chapstick

Would you pet a bug? scared scared scared of bugs. dont like them. scary scary.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. i love fixing things, no matter what it is. my silly little brain just latches onto it like a puzzle, which it kinda is. i can already fix most electronic devices, or alteast know how to (FUCK apple and their stupid fucking anti repair policy. thats actual fucking bullshit. i dont want to have to pay for a 200 dollar course and license to fix your shitty god damn phones. mac books and ipads are aight. but FUCK apple as a company. all this does is protect their silly little fucking income from their stupid ass fucking phones breaking all the fucking time. all it does is make it so that people who do fix phones for a living fucking cant, and no devices to fix means no food on the fucking table for them or their families. they're toying with peoples livelihoods for a bit of fucking profit.) if i dont know how to fix it (cars, microwaves, tvs, literally anything that could break) i want to learn

What does the color blue taste like? mmm yumby

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? the ocean. it goes on forever. it doesnt stop. i didnt realize that until i saw it in person. it stopped me dead in my tracks.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? ive got this protein bar. in 2020 (my second year of marching band, freshman year) i was eating a box of them on the way to marching band camp. i lost one. this was in july. i found it on the ground still sealed in january of the following year. i still have it. im going to eat it my senior year at the end of the year band dinner. i have not done it yet. im going into my senior year. im going to do it. it will kill me. i will not regret it.

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? a pastor for a church i used to attend (unfortunately hes my uncle) blamed crime and evil on transgender people

Hyperfixation song? long list. Starman David Bowie, banana man tally hall, mr white keys cherry poppin daddies, play that funky music wild cherry, cant take my eyes off you frankie valli, sh-boom the ink spots, the devil went down to georgia the charlie daniels band

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? I've been asked several times where "Chapstick Man!" comes from. It comes from TF2. I named a rocket launcher "chapstick gun" with the description "ngl chapstick taste kinda good" and then i thought the joke was funny and it stuck. my name is now Chapstick Man on like everything. i have not been sued yet. Im too cool to be sued.

Dream career as a child? also electronics repair technician (i am answering these out of order)

Dream career as an adult? still kinda a child ig. but i want to be an electronics repair technician, running my own little computer/electronics repair shop. i already know how to do it, i just need a building and to be 18 (i turn 18 in december) and people to come and give me their stuff to fix. i love fixing things.

Thoughts on cilantro? its aight ig

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I havent. but i plan to be. i am going to be silly and they cannot prevent it.

What is your cursed food combination? I did my burgers in ketchup if i want ketchup, i did my biscuits in gravy for biscuits and gravy

Trans rights? are epic!!!!!!

@everyone im lazy

[leebee287-art]

About Me!

Hi! My name is Jamie-Lee (he/they/hey pronouns) and I’m a 17 year old, transgender 🏳️‍⚧️ artist from South West England 🇬🇧.

I make mainly digital art, but I also enjoy sewing/embroidering, painting, sketching, sculpting etc. I enjoy writing as well, but I don’t have as much time for that due to me being in the last year of my A-Levels.

I’m asexual, and don’t make NSFW art, nor do I ever plan to.

I will mainly be posting art relating to my OCs and my hyperfixations and general obsessions, which at the moment are:

Ghost (the band)

DnD/Baldurs Gate 3

Hatchetfield/Starkid in general

My Hero Academia (specifically the character Tenya Iida)

Star Trek TOS

Ethel Cain

Dead Boy Detectives

The Good Place

The Stanley Parable

Hannibal CBS

Undertale/Deltarune

Ghosts BBC

Portal/Portal 2

Wicked

Ride the Cyclone

The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (and other gothic novels)

Jekyll and Hyde: the Gothic Musical

Jeff Wayne’s War of the Worlds

Will Wood

Tally Hall/Miracle Musical/Hawaii Part II

Stardew Valley

This doesn’t mean that I am necessarily going to post art relating to any of these things btw, just what I could end up posting.

I don’t do commissions (at the moment) and I’m not taking requests rn, but if I get hit with the crowbar of art block then I’ll absolutely take requests.

My asks should be open so if you want to ask questions about my art or anything else really, feel free to do so :)

I use PoseManiacs as pose references in most of my digital drawings, which is also where I got my pfp from, and I have some of my art as my banner.

My other blogs:

My ‘main’: @barcuswrootappreciator I don’t really post on it much, but if you get likes or followed from that blog, then it’s me

The one I actually post on: @leebee287 this is the one I usually comment and post from bc I didn’t know how Tumblr worked going in, so now I’m stuck with what I would have made a side blog as my main and vice versa. That blog I usually use to post random crap surrounding my hyperfixations, or whatever I care about at the time

Links:

My Bluesky

My Red Note/Xiaohongshu/小红书

DNI:

TERFs/Transphobes/Gender criticals/LGB drop the T/Gender essentialists

Conservatives/Tories/Reform UK supporters/Republicans/Trump supporters

Aphobes

Arophobes

Label police/People who get upset about what labels people feel fit them best

Aplaphobes

Melanie Martinez stans

Transmedicalists

Proshippers (incest, pedophilia etc)

Pro Israel/Zionists/Anti Palestine

Do not repost my art without asking for permission first.

[briamichellewrites]

85

Bradley Cooper was dating a billionaire! Rumors were going around that he was using her for money. He promised Mike they weren’t true. The love he had for Bria was genuine. Mike, the band, and Brad were protective of her because they didn’t want her to get hurt. He chose to believe him since he hadn’t given him any reason not to. Chester was angry at him. He had to be assured that he was a great guy and the rumors were bs before he could calm down.

Bria was up and down. It wasn’t just pregnancy hormones. Rather, it was her being overwhelmed with death. She admitted to Mike that the only reason why she was sober was because of her pregnancy. What was she wanting to do? She was craving just something to get her mind off of the constant trauma. It didn’t matter if it was drugs or alcohol.

The times she was truly happy were when she was being left alone by the spirits of the dead. She was trying to help them but she couldn’t. They wanted her to know what they went through before they died and she couldn’t do anything except experience everything. Everyone died in their own unique ways. She mourned them, even though she didn’t know them personally. He wanted her to get postpartum treatment after having the baby because he was worried about her sobriety.

He didn’t want her to go back to using drugs. If she did, they would get her the help she needed. Even if it took years. He and Brad would let her be a part of their baby’s life, but only if she was sober. If she was drinking or using drugs, they would not allow her to be anywhere near them.

“I think I know what the gender of the baby is. I saw it in a dream. I just don’t know if I’m right or not.”

“What do you think it is?”

“A girl. Her first name was Shiloh but her middle name was something in French. Or, it sounded like it was French.”

He smiled. “That’s what Brad and I were talking about. We also think it’s a girl. Shiloh is a good name. I’ll have to tell him about what you said.”

Were they going to hyphenate the last name? Yes, they were. Shinoda-Pitt. She liked the sound of that. Brad was interested in hearing her theory about the gender of their baby. They both agreed to not hold their child to gender stereotypes. If their daughter was boyish or their son was feminine, they would encourage them to be comfortable with whoever they were.

If their child came out as transgender, they would learn everything there was to know about how to help them. They would help pay for their transition, as well as calling them by their preferred name and gender. They would treat their boyfriends or girlfriends the same. They would give them unconditional love and support, as parents were meant to do. Even if they chose a career path that had nothing to do with movies or music.

Maybe they would become a graphic designer or some other type of artist. Maybe they would become an architectural designer, like his little brother, Jason. It would be exciting to see who they became. Brad didn’t know if her guess of the gender was paranormal or supernatural. He guessed it was just a mother’s instinct. In a way, he supposed that could be considered supernatural.

Mike didn’t know, either. Their baby would have two uncles and one aunt. Plus cousins. His family wanted to meet Bria before she had the baby. Mike’s side of the family wanted to throw her a baby shower to make her feel special and important. They asked her if she would be open to that. Yeah, she could do that. Mike gave his mother her phone number, so they could talk about it. She didn’t have any family members or female friends to help her through her pregnancy.

Brad also gave her phone number to his sister, Julie. His parents, his younger sister, and younger brother, Douglas all met Bria and Mike at Brad’s place. Julie and Douglas lived in Los Angeles, while his parents flew in from Missouri. He introduced them to her. It’s nice to finally meet you. They could tell she was nervous, which was understandable given they didn’t know each other.

They found out she lived next door with her two cats, Mama and Slash. They both loved Brad. What did she do for a living? She was a self-proclaimed stay-at-home cat mom. Formerly, she was an escort. Why did she decide to do that? Money.

She told them about being dropped from her record label and how she needed money for bills, rent, and other expenses. What about her family? She didn’t have any biological family. Her mother died of a heroin overdose a couple of years after surrendering her to the police. She found out her biological father died of a heart condition the year before. Growing up, she was in foster care until she became emancipated at sixteen.

She received money from the state but it wasn’t enough to pay for everything she needed. The reason why she quit was because of concerns for her safety. Her friends were concerned about her flying around the world and never knowing who she was with. They didn’t like her decision to be an escort, because it wasn’t a decision they would’ve made.

They also learned she had half of a tenth-grade education and had a learning disability, along with ADHD. She and Brad joked about how she kept him in line. They laughed. She also never treated him differently because of his name. What breeds were her cats? They were both American Shorthairs. They were in their teenage phase, so they were finicky about what they liked. Sometimes they liked her and sometimes they just wanted food from her.

Was she going to be involved in the baby’s life? Oh, yeah. She would babysit or hang out for an afternoon, but she wouldn’t be a mother. They did get to witness her joking around with Brad when he mentioned having visitation with her cat.

“I went to France for a few days and had him cat sit. I come home and she’s perched on his shoulder like a bird. Ever since then, they’ve been the best of friends. She hears his voice and it’s off to the races to the front door.”

They laughed.

“Except now I have competition from Bradley”, he said.

“That’s because he’s Bradley.”

While talking with Mike, they learned he was a singer, rapper, graphic artist, producer, and songwriter. He was in a band called, Linkin Park. His family on his father’s side were Japanese, while his mother’s side was European. He had a younger brother, Jason who he was close to. Was he from California? Yeah, he grew up in Agoura Hills and went to ArtCenter College of Design in Pasadena, where he graduated with a degree in illustration.

They liked Mike because they could tell he genuinely loved Brad. Yeah, they didn’t know how they felt about their son being with another man. They were conservative, so they would have preferred him to find a woman to settle down with and have a family. But, he decided that wasn’t for him. He came out as bisexual to them.

He told them that the person he chose to spend the rest of his life with may not be a woman. Bria? They were unsure about. They had compassion for her. Brad knew his family would be difficult to impress. That was why he was hesitant about having them meet her. There was a lot more to her than what was on the surface. After she went next door, he chastised them for being judgmental. Give her a chance. She deserves that respect. They promised to keep an open mind. Thank you.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia

[pashterlengkap]

Alice Cooper repeats just about every anti-trans talking point in vile rant

Alice Cooper is the latest elderly cis male rock star famous for wearing makeup onstage to describe kids identifying as transgender as “a fad.” But he went even further than that, spewing dangerous anti-trans misinformation and right-wing talking points in a new interview with Stereogum this week. Earlier this year, Kiss frontman Paul Stanley and Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider both made headlines for anti-trans comments they made on social media, questioning whether parents should affirm their trans and nonbinary children’s gender identities. Both rockers later attempted to walk back their statements, which perpetuated the current moral panic around transgender youth that has led to Republican efforts to ban gender-affirming care for young people in states across the country. --- Related Stories Twisted Sister & Kiss frontmen say “encouraging” trans kids is a “dangerous fad” Both men led “hair metal” bands known for their outrageous clothes and makeup. --- Asked to weigh in on Stanley and Snider’s initial comments in his interview with Stereogum, Cooper said he agreed with them. Get the Daily Brief The news you care about, reported on by the people who care about you. “I’m understanding that there are cases of transgender, but I’m afraid that it’s also a fad, and I’m afraid there’s a lot of people claiming to be this just because they want to be that,” he said. “I find it wrong when you’ve got a six-year-old kid who has no idea. He just wants to play, and you’re confusing him telling him, ‘Yeah, you’re a boy, but you could be a girl if you want to be.’” Cooper also echoed false claims proliferated by anti-trans politicians and activists online that kids these days are identifying as cats and using litter boxes. “I think that’s so confusing to a kid. It’s even confusing to a teenager. You’re still trying to find your identity, and yet here’s this thing going on, saying, ‘Yeah, but you can be anything you want. You can be a cat if you want to be.’ I mean, if you identify as a tree… And I’m going, ‘Come on! What are we in, a Kurt Vonnegut novel?’ It’s so absurd, that it’s gone now to the point of absurdity,” he said. While Cooper didn’t directly accuse supportive parents of trans and nonbinary kids of abuse, his comments also echoed that false narrative, perpetuated by anti-trans activists, which has Republican lawmakers in state legislatures across the country to introduce legislation that would criminalize parents for seeking gender-affirming care for their children in recent years. When Stereogum pushed back on Cooper’s comments, the rocker pivoted to another incendiary anti-trans narrative: the false belief that transgender women pose a threat to cis women and girls in public restrooms. “I can see somebody really taking advantage of this, though,” Cooper said. “A guy can walk into a woman’s bathroom at any time and just say, ‘I just feel like I’m a woman today’ and have the time of his life in there, and he’s not in the least bit… He’s just taking advantage of that situation. Well, that’s going to happen. Somebody’s going to get raped, and the guy’s going to say, ‘Well, I felt like a girl that day, and then I felt like a guy.’ Where do you draw this line?” The myth that sexual predators will exploit nondiscrimination laws allowing trans women to use public restrooms that align with their gender identity has been repeatedly debunked. In fact, according to a 2021 report from the UCLA School of Law’s Williams Institute, transgender people are over four times more likely to be the victims of violence, including rape and sexual assault, than cisgender women and men. http://dlvr.it/Sv7QT0

[slavghoul]

Interview with Tobias from today’s (Sept 10) issue of Aftonbladet

--

When Metallica's self-titled album saw the light of day, Tobias Forge was ten years old, completely unaware of the major role the band would later play in his professional life. He had heard of the thrash metal group from the US West Coast, but it was the Black Album that really put them on his radar.

- Almost overnight, Metallica became a band that people talked about at school. Even the girls in class knew about them, so you knew they were big. I've always been pretty out of sync with popular music, but there and then I was in sync.

Do you remember the first time you listened to the album?

- Well, not really. It was probably as simple as my older brother playing it as soon as it came on. He kept himself up to date and had played the album a lot beforehand. However, I remember very well watching the documentary "A year and a half in the life of Metallica" the following year, about when they made the album. It taught me two important things that I've carried with me ever since - how to make a record and how to tour that record. I use this knowledge when working with Ghost.

What is your favourite song on the album?

- "Of Wolf and Man" is the best. It's more in line with the style of music I used to play and is also closer to the "old" Metallica. "Wherever I May Roam" is also a favorite. You almost get tired of songs like "Enter Sandman", "Sad But True" and "Nothing Else Matters", as much as I like well written ballads.

What makes this album a classic, in your opinion?

- I think most people can agree that it's an incredibly well-written album. Nowadays, people talk about artists like Kanye West as sound artists. Metallica was in that position in 1991. They created a sonic space that sounded louder and bolder than almost anything that had been done before.

Today, a commemorative edition is released along with the tribute album "The Metallica Blacklist". Ghost has included a cover of "Enter Sandman", a song you've just said you are quite tired of. Why that song?

- We were asked to play the song at Polar Music Prize three years ago. It wasn't the song I had chosen myself but it was the requirement to be included, so it had to be. Then when we were asked by Metallica to contribute a cover to this anniversary, we only had a couple of days, we were in between big tours, so it had to be "Enter Sandman" because we already had a basis. I wish it was a sexier story than that, but that's the one I have. And the profits will go to charity. We've chosen an organisation that organises summer camps for young transgender people. The vulnerability of children is reflected in the content of the song, which strikes a chord with me. So with that in mind, the choice seemed obvious.

How does this version differ from the one performed at Polar Music Prize?

- The thing that bothered me a little bit then was that we didn't have room for a solo. But now we didn't have a three-minute time limit to deal with, so this time I wanted a solo that could be even a bit more rock 'n' roll than the existing one. Lately, I've been too rusty to play really sizzling, fast riffs, so I asked Fredrik Åkesson from Opeth to help us. His contribution was really the icing on the cake.

So you're happy with the result?

- I like the song, it sounds nice. We'll probably play it live later. There are others who will surely contribute much better interpretations. I guess James or Lars might hate me then (laughs)

[endobiologist]

Trans Guy Tips #3; Testosterone HRT, How to Inject, & Its Effects On Body & Mind, Pt. 1

Note: I will likely add more sections to this at a later time, as I learn more about taking testosterone and its effects. Be sure to check back!

1. First, and this can change depending on your body type and what your own endocrinologist recommends for you,

but personally for me and for a lot of transgender men, Testosterone Cypionate, usually 200mg each dose, is the best choice, and so is taking the injection form, doing that intramuscularly, and taking them bi-weekly, meaning every other week on the exact amount of time from the time you took your last dose.

My endocrinologist explained to me that this is due to if you overload your body with testosterone constantly, or if you overdose it in an attempt to get more effects, you will instead have the opposite effect where you will instead gain estrogen, and more of it, because testosterone converts to estrogen when there's an excess of it and the body senses it as something wrong!!

So please please never take more than you are supposed to take, prescribed officially by your doctor.

They usually recommend bi-weekly for most if choosing injections, because it makes it so the testosterone spreads evenly throughout your system the entire time, and just has a very even perfect use that makes the effect stronger and it makes your body get used to it quicker, which speeds up the effects significantly, and tends to be the healthiest option.

2. Also in terms of safety, never ever get testosterone from a non-official source like the black market, online, or from a friend. You cannot trust this, as it has not been evaluated medically whatsoever.

Also, most importantly, you don't have a medical professional there to see if your hormones and all your health is correct and good to start or continue, or what dose to take, or which kind works best for your body, as well as not having any checkups, which is also vital when you take a new hormone in your body to make sure everything is balancing right!!!

So it is very dangerous, you could accidentally overdose, or your body could malfunction somehow, or you could just be injecting yourself with stuff that doesn't work ever!!

There are many things that could go wrong, so PLEASE never ever EVER do this.

Get a trans-familiar endocrinologist.

3. Now mind you, there are other options for taking T if you just cannot handle injections whatsoever.

Option one are tablets called subdermal capsules that they implant under your skin, usually under your arm or shoulder skin as it seems to spread the best that way. They will slowly leak testosterone until they replenish themselves and you have to get them replaced.

Some people praise these as they are pretty even in effects, and they make it so you have a steady supply pretty well, and also you don't have to think about it very often as the tablets last quite a while.

The downside is, that despite its evenness quality, it doesn't actually have very strong effects.

It will still give you effects for sure, but it will take a lot longer, possibly multiple years, to see the full effects of it.

There are also things known as topical testosterone, where you can put a gel or cream on yourself and it will dose you with the amount it has in it.

This is the least invasive option, however it's one with a very small amount of testosterone, so it will take some of the longest to feel, or see, effects.

Also, I have heard from some people that if you are having someone else put the gel on you, if they accidentally get it on their skin, it will literally dose them with testosterone, which is not okay if you have someone who is not trans and does not want it doing it.

So if you choose this route, please do it yourself so you're not dosing any more on to other people, and instead just on to yourself.

It also doesn't waste the dose on others that way, and you get the full effects instead.

There is also things known as oral testosterone, taken through pill form. But I have heard some bad things about these, and I have heard recommendations not to use them due to there being a lot of downsides, as it doesn't absorb into your body nearly as well as any of the other options, even the slower ones.

But really what matters is what you need, and what your body needs, so even though injections provide the most amount and the most even supply when you use them, especially bi-weekly as well, it might be different for you as every single trans guy/transmasculine person is different, physically & mentally!

And some things work better for others, so consult with your doctor, and let them know the effects and the timing you want, and they will suggest options for you if you are not able to choose yourself without assistance due to lack of knowledge etc.

I would however recommend deeply researching every section of testosterone as I did, before going to an endocrinologist, so you are very prepared and know which kind you want already which will make the appointment take less time as well.

Also you never want to rely on the information of just one person, so always research.

Don't just trust my guide immediately or anyone's guide if it's just one you read, instead do your own research on many sites & forums, and find what works for you, as I can only say what works/worked for me.

4. And when it actually comes to the fun part, the injections,

I will give you a step-by-step guide on mostly how to have someone else inject you, but you can also take my advice for injecting yourself, however I have no advice for specifics of that, such as ways to calm yourself down from queasiness when doing it yourself, since I have never injected myself due to me honestly being just a little squeamish about doing it myself.

But I've always had my mother do it, and I have watched occasionally to see how best to do it, and have experienced it quite a few times now, so I know which way is the least painful as well.

If I were ever forced to do it myself, that way I would be able to because I know how to beforehand.

Now what you do is when you pick up your prescription of Testosterone, this is assuming if you take it bi-weekly and an injection form, you get two 1 ml bottles (A month's supply) and you have to unfortunately ask for & buy the syringe that comes preloaded with the needles.

Also make sure never to ask for just a needle, cuz they will literally give you just a needle, and no syringe.

It's happened to me before, LOL.

They usually have the syringes & needles in stock almost always, but there are a few occasions where they didn't have the needles.

But it is honestly annoying having to pay for something extra when the testosterone itself doesn't cost anything, yet the injection needles you need to use it do??? Lmao.

However it's not that annoying, because they're actually relatively cheap!

Here in Nevada, with no discounts used, they usually only cost you about like $3 usually, $4 at most, so it's pretty price effective.

5. I strongly recommend this, it was my mom's edition to this by the way, she strongly recommends as well,

that you should wait at least a month before taking your first dose of T.

Even when you just received it!

The reason for this is because sometimes they will be out of testosterone or out of needles, or you won't be able to afford it for whatever reason, you never know and it's so much better to have at least 1 if not 2 backup doses and syringes + needles on hand so you never have to worry about that.

I was impatient and injected the day I got it, and so though I haven't run into a problem yet, it is stressful knowing that if a mistake happens with the injection and the fluid leaks out too much, or something happens, whatever it is, that I won't have a backup dose.

So, I would highly recommend waiting a month or even two before injecting, so you have two doses and you pick it up way before you run out every time.

That's way more efficient.

6. Now although this comes from the point of view of someone who hasn't injected themselves, and only has been injected, I pretty much know how it works so I could if I had to, I would just be squeamish.

And for a lot of people they feel the same, so it's easier to get a family member or a close friend to do it for you, as long as they're always around when you need to take your dose.

Personally I have my mom do it because she's talented at injections due to having reptiles that needed some done the same way.

So, basically, you take everything out of its containers, and make sure not to touch the needle itself ever.

Once everything's out of its containers, then make sure to test if the needle is totally closed onto the syringe.

If it is, it's good to go.

Checking the tightness of the needle is very important because if you don't, you can end up having the needle pop off inside you, and release none of the testosterone actually inside of you, wasting a dose completely & it just hurts like a SOB.

Now, take the cap off the needle.

I would recommend always sanitizing the needle, the syringe, and also having a little gauze pad or paper towel piece, all soaked with rubbing alcohol to sterilize the area you will be injecting, so there is no risk of infection at all.

Although not extremely important, I'd recommend you'd also want to bring a tiny Band-Aid.

It will be a very very tiny wound, more like a dot, but it actually bleeds quite a bit after, due to it going deep in, so it's helpful to put a Band-Aid on just for the first hour or so, then take it off and let it breathe, and it heals super quick. It'll be gone before, or by the next day, usually.

Please remember not to touch the needle ever as it'd ruin its sterilization. They're usually sterilized, but it might be a good idea to sterilize them again just in case, to basically make sure there is no risk of infection whatsoever.

Also this is just a common sense cleanliness rule,

but I still want to state it to make sure people know;

Always throw away every single needle and syringe you use, as soon as you are done using it.

Do not keep it or EVER re-inject with the same needle.

And also be sure to throw away any testosterone you have left that is excess from your dose.

You do not need that, as it goes bad and won't work after being exposed to air, so it's impossible to save and use later, unfortunately.

Now, you will be injecting intramuscularly in the leg, either leg will do, hell you can switch them up each time if you'd like. It doesn't matter much.

This means you will be injecting on the area of your thigh that is a little high up, and towards the top, but a little to the outer side.

This means the testosterone is injected straight between the muscles, and goes to the bloodstream quickly also, when you inject.

Now you want to remove the lid from the Testosterone Cypionate bottle, and shake It up very very good, so that there are no bubbles, no particles visible in the Testosterone, and no oil separation either.

If it looks completely clear, or is a slight yellowish colour but mixed together well, then you're good to go.

The possible slight yellowish color comes from the cottonseed oil that they use to store the testosterone correctly in.

It makes it to where you have to use a little bit of a bigger needle to inject yourself with, but it's actually a very very small needle and it's not painful very much at all.

A lot of myths I read about testosterone before I received it said the needles were huge and scary and painful, but the truth is they're not at all, even to me who's slightly scared of needles and has low ability to tolerate pain.

Literally, popping a zit hurts worse than the injections.

The pain is something like a very tiny ant bite, or a slight pinch on your skin, it doesn't really hurt very much at all.

In fact, whenever I take mine, even the very first time I did, I didn't even make a sound! And it's over very quickly, as well.

I would recommend for the easiest time however, for a little higher price, getting a 21 gauge syringe needle, and also an 18 gauge syringe needle for each dose you take.

The 21 gauge is larger for drawing up the testosterone from the vial easier than the 18 gauge would.

Then you remove that 21g needle from that syringe, and instead put on the 18 gauge for the actual injecting.

If you want a cheaper price tag, and/or you're just lazy like me, you can get away with using just an 18 gauge needled syringe, however it makes it much significantly harder to draw up out of the vial.

It is still quite possible, but is for sure challenging, mistakes can occur so be very careful if you choose this route.

Now when you're trying to draw up the Testosterone Cypionate out of the bottle, you want to hold it upside down, or downward at an angle kind of diagonal, and you want to make sure the needle is visibly in the liquid.

Then, you draw back slowly, but try and fill it as much as you can. You can always dispose of extra that you don't need.

If using only the 18 gauge like said earlier, which is what I personally do, it is very hard to draw up out of the bottle, so be very careful, and try to figure out the trick to it, is all I can say.

Everyone has a different trick for it.

Don't use all the testosterone in the bottle however for your actual being-injected-dose.

You need to usually use only 75 mL of the 1 ml bottle each dose.

Also before you ever inject, but after you fill the syringe, make sure to aspirate the needle, which means to act like you're injecting it, in the air pointing up, needle upwards, and you very slowly push down, which expels a little bit of the testosterone, but you also expel any air particles or bubbles that are trapped inside.

This is why you want to put a little more in the syringe than you actually will inject, because when you aspirate the needle some will leak out and make it the perfect amount to inject, rather than losing it an amount of it that you need.

If there is even a single bubble inside the syringe, that can cause a heart attack, and many other deadly problems!!!

So do not ever inject, if there is a bubble in your syringe.

If there is, best case scenario is you try to aspirate it heavily, even if you need to then refill it somewhat afterwards, the most important part is making sure no air bubbles are in it.

If there is no way to get the bubble out, you'd need to buy a new syringe, as it most likely has a deformation of some kind.

But that's the worst case scenario, and personally I haven't experienced that yet.

That, however, is why it is so important to aspirate, to make sure there's no air left in the syringe before you inject.

Now you want to make sure to get exactly .75 ml, that you put it up to the line right before 1 ml and that's about the amount you need.

And remember; never take more than prescribed, it will have the opposite affects you want.

Now that you know all the details, here is how to perform injecting the actual testosterone.

You take the needle to the sterilized area of thigh that you cleaned with the rubbing alcohol.

And you can either use a kind of sideways diagonal position to go in, or you can use straight on.

I find straight on makes it much less painful for me, so I usually go with that, but either way works, and whatever is most comfortable for you is what you should use.

Now you just go in kind of slowly, and try not to move the needle around too much, just push slowly all the way in 'till the needle is completely in the leg.

Then dispense slowly the testosterone to the intramuscular area, and once all the testosterone is out of the syringe and inside your bloodstream, pull it out very slowly, all the while holding the skin around it firmly, so that it doesn't hurt as much pulling it out. If you pull it out fast it fuckin' hurts.

You can also sterilize the area of injection again, if you want, but it's not really necessary.

Then, you just put that Band-Aid previously mentioned on, for like an hour, and you're good!

7. Now for the effects of testosterone, though I don't have a perfect timeline. But around one DAY in, I noticed for some reason my clitoral growth where your clitoris pretty much changes into a tiny penis except the urethra doesn't move unfortunately without surgery.

It can grow one to two inches at max, although I have not experienced that much yet.

However for some reason I had definitely experienced minor clitoral growth pretty much as soon as I took my first shot of testosterone, which is incredibly rare, as it's supposed to happen six months to a year in and be one of the later effects!! But for some reason, it was the first effect I got, so that really goes to show that everyone is built quite different, so some things in this guide might not be totally accurate for everyone.

1 week in, I started experiencing a very hoarse voice, not a sore throat or anything, but just where your voice sounds like you're sick or you're losing your voice, for some reason.

This is the first step in your voice changing to a deeper baritone.

It's usually not painful whatsoever, but I have heard from some people that it can irritate their throat occasionally due to the foreign feeling of it, this stage doesn't last very long though.

Then, about 1 month in, I started noticing extensive hair growth. Also I seem to have got way darker hair than any of my family members ever had, and way more hair than they ever had, so you can't totally rely on the predictions of what your family looks like to see how you're going to change.

You kind of have to be ready for anything to happen, but usually the hair growth and the masculinity of your family will almost always pass on to you when you transition physically.

This can even include male pattern baldness eventually.

Sometimes it happens to trans men immediately after taking it, other times it will take years and other times it will be when they're elderly like cis men have.

Personally, I have not seen any male pattern baldness yet, however my front l of my hair slightly receded back and in the shape of male members of my dad's side of my family, but nothing like a total receding hairline.

It still looks like a full head of hair!

Usually you can tell what type of hair you get by looking at your family members closely.

If your family includes a lot of thick hairy people naturally, then you are going to usually get very large amounts of hair.

If you have a family with barely any hair, or very light coloured hair, you'll usually get a small amount of hair or a large amount of hair but with light colour. Personally, I got real lucky so it's clear that there are exceptions, but that's usually how it goes is that you can look to your family members as to how you're going to look and sound like.

About 3 months in, my voice started really deepening and I mean really deep. But the funny thing about it is that sometimes it will switch from being really low and masculine and amazing, to being kind of regular like before, to a little low but not super low, and even to what I call the "permanent helium" which makes you literally sound like you inhaled helium but it's literally just your vocal cords cracking that bad from growing to a male length.

Sometimes it will crack in a way where you can't stop talking in that high pitch, and it's really awkward, but it is also really funny if you learn to laugh at yourself, and always remind yourself that this is the process of gaining a deeper voice.

I have heard that vocal training to make your voice deeper also helps exponentially for more effects if you want a super deep voice.

About 4 to 5 months in, which is where I'm currently at, I've experienced way more hair growth!

Even more so than the start of it.

My head hair seems to be thicker and healthier for some reason, I'm not sure why because I have never heard of that affecting your head hair, its texture, or its thickness like that?

But it seems to have happened, so I guess it's possible?

I'm gaining a moustache and a few beard hairs, but mainly my moustache is super dark and already very visible.

Also due to my moustache and my deep voice alone, now I can already pass pretty much 100% of the time if maybe 99%, and I'm a very naturally baby-faced person too, so that's impressive!

My voice is mainly settled into a pretty deep baritone.

It still has a little bit of a high pitch sometimes, but barely.

I can tell there's a little more progress needed, but not much.

I don't do the helium thing as much as I used to, but it does still occasionally occur as lengthening your vocal cords, which is what occurs when you take testosterone, can be a lengthy and frustrating process at times.

I have also specifically seen lots of body hair at this time, way more than the sparse amount at first, including even a happy trail and a little bit of chest hair although it's not noticeable yet unless you squint, but it still has way more than I used to!

Also my hair on my arms, and especially on my legs, is thick, dark and everywhere.

I've also noticed my fat is starting tk begin redistributing a little bit.

It's not totally doing it yet, but it's getting close, as my thighs, hips, and behind area lost a bunch of weight, while my stomach gained a little bit of weight and so did my arms.

I also gained a fair bit of muscle as not only can I see it when I flex, but also I can lift things a little easier than I used to, and muscle seems to develop easier for me, even when I work out barely.

I've never been a very physical person, so it's still hard, but it's way easier now that I take testosterone.

Those are all the effects I have to record right now, as I'm only 4-5 months in, but I will update this with new parts as I experience more and more.

Also, please take all effects and timelines with a grain of salt, because everybody works differently.

Also I specifically was mentioning Testosterone Cypionate, bi-weekly injection form, so if you take testosterone in a different way, some of this might be different, irrelevant or even completely useless to you, but I am only able to provide information on these forms as they're the only form I've taken of it myself.

Now, to quickly dispel a few stupid myths that circulate around taking testosterone, to ease your worries.

Myth #1. "Testosterone makes you aggressive, violent, and a bad person!"

The truth is that testosterone does not change who you are, whatsoever.

It can however change certain little preferences like for example what flavor food you like will sometimes change, but usually not all foods, just a couple, or sometimes even just one.

It can change little tiny details, like maybe your favorite colour may change, and it definitely does have its emotional effects for sure, but it does not make anyone aggressive or violent automatically.

Testosterone is not an angry hormone, and estrogen is not a peaceful hormone, despite what most people stereotype them as being, so just blanketing everyone under the term of "aggressive" because they have testosterone in them is straight-up incorrect at best, and also sexist at worst.

Estrogen is not better than testosterone. Testosterone is not better than estrogen. It just matters what you want in your body.

What it may actually do is sometimes, people will experience a wide variety of emotions, including extreme euphoria and confidence (that's the effect I seem to have had, thankfully!)

Other people however will get very emotional and sad and will cry over things easier, and no, that's not an estrogen trait, testosterone can do that too.

And sometimes, on a rare occasion, people can get more irritable or cranky. But they're never violent.

They just get a little grumpier than usual.

However, all these emotional effects eventually do phase out and stabilize, and you'll be back to all your regular moods.

You never truly change who you are as an individual, and your beliefs and morals will stay the same.

It's not like you will completely change into a different person, you will never have to fear that, nor should any of your family and friends.

Myth #2. "Testosterone is steroids, right? So doesn't that mean that you're stronger than everyone else?"

This is a ridiculous notion, and I'm not even sure how it got spread im the first place, but I've heard it firsthand, and it's really as stupid as it sounds.

Testosterone is not steroids, they may have some similar properties due to chemical makeup, but they are not in any way steroids.

Steroids are an addictive & potentially harmful drug. Testosterone is a naturally occuring hormone that we all have some of.

For instance, testosterone also does not make you any more muscular just automatically.

It can make you a little more muscled subtly due to the muscle structure changing to that of a cis man's, but it can't straight up make you jacked, that's just not possible.

Also it does not make you any stronger than anyone else.

It might make you a little stronger than a cis female, but you are not stronger than a cis man, in fact you're weaker, due to starting out assigned female at birth.

I'm not sure why people assume that if you take testosterone, that means you're strong??

Because you're taking testosterone because you don't have any so clearly you don't have very much.

I'm not totally sure where this silly notion got spread, possibly as a way to make trans people feel guilty for taking T, by making them think it's a drug, and it's just not when you look at the facts.

It's good to dissuade folks who think this way, from this notion, as it can also make us look like drug addicts or on steroid pills, which both are just completely false.

Testosterone is not even addictive.

It's a natural hormone inside your body.

Myth #3. "Testosterone will give you all forms of cancer, and strokes and heart attacks, almost certainly!"

I'm not sure where or how this got spread either, it is true that it is possible, they said, in a scientific study, that they can't confirm completely that it could theoretically make your chances of stroke and heart attack a little higher due to your system basically changing to that of a cis man's, and going through a cis man's puberty.

But honestly, you have less risk of strokes and heart attacks than even cis men do, and you don't have a prostate which is a common location for men to get cancer, so you actually have an advantage over most!

It's very rare that you would ever come into contact with one of these things happening, pretty much as rare if a little less as it would be if you didn't take T at all.

There is also no evidence whatsoever that testosterone causes cancer, of any kind, let alone all of them.

A lot of people have tried to spread this rumour, to stop people from getting HRT treatment, which is really cruel and fucked up, and a lot of parents will use the "cancer" excuse as a way to not give their child HRT.

The truth is that it does not cause cancer, and that is a complete myth.

There's actually some evidence that being on T might improve your chances of fighting cancer, and having a stronger immune system for it as well.

Myth #4. This kind of goes along with the other one, but some people believe that "If you take testosterone, you could be shortening your lifespan by many years!!"

This is complete speculation, nothing has been confirmed.

It's possible, perhaps, that it could shorten your lifespan by a couple years, but not many.

You still would have an advantage over cis men again.

But it's never been truly proved that your lifespan gets shorter from T, so there is no reason to fear less of your life occuring just because you're trying to make yourself happier.

All right, I think that's all the rumours I can set straight, and all the info & advice about injections and medicine and general information about testosterone that I can give you at the moment.

I will update this post later, so please check back again in maybe a few month's time from now, as then I will have more effects to discuss.

But if I want to leave you with anything to think about,

remember that testosterone is a completely safe and natural chemical hormone that produces itself in your body already.

You just don't have enough of it to look the masculine way you want to.

It is not dangerous, it won't hurt you and if you really want it, go after it!!

But I would also very much advise you to be sure you want to go ahead with it, and that you are okay with all effects happening.

Because if you aren't, if you are even the least bit hesitant, not only will the doctor not allow you to proceed because you are not mentally fit to yet,

but also if you did end up taking testosterone then you could end up getting effects that you don't want, and having them be permanent, and causing you dysphoria for the rest of your life.

So please, make sure to know yourself well, and know your wants and needs clearly.

I also highly recommend having a psychiatrist or a mental health therapist for quite a while before going into testosterone therapy.

Not only does it make you more qualified to acquire testosterone because it shows you actually thought it through, but also it is exceedingly helpful for the mental and physical changes you will be proceeding with over these next years.

The last thing I want to say, my closing note, is congratulations on your testosterone, if you received it!

And I hope my guide helped in any way, and apologies if it ended up really long this time, there's a lot of things you need to know about T.

Thank you for reading, and I hope this humble trans guy's journal entries help you at all.

- Atom T. L. Yorke

[emerald-x-green]

Hi! Could you do some headcanons with Raph and ftm reader? With things like coming out,something about dysphoria, Raph reacting to his bf starting taking testosterone and getting top surgery.

Also I love your headcanons, they're amazing! Have a great day! 💖

Absolutely! I want to apologize for the long wait, life’s been hectic as hell and I’ve been busier lately. (Band camp, a community band, school starting soon, personal stuff, the list goes on. 😅) I didn’t forget about your ask or anyone else’s that’s requested, don’t worry! Also, would anyone want me to make a master list? I’ve done a few requests by now and I think it’d be easier to navigate if I made one, but it’d require work so I don’t want to do it if no one wants it.

Oh! And! I made some headcanons similar to this about the coming out to the Turtles as non-binary, if that’s up your alley as well!

You were already together when you came out

Raph supported you, but it took him a while to figure out his sexuality because of it

Eventually he just settled on the fact that he loved you no matter what

When you pick out your name, he gives some suggestions that he thought fit you

Wants to show his support because he knows not everyone will support you

He was the one to buy you your first binder

He knew you struggled with dysphoria and wanted to help

He consulted Donnie about the logistics of it all and tried to ask subtle questions for things like the color and style

The smile you gave him when he showed you the binder was so heartwarming

He stretches before training, and invites you to join his little stretching session when you’re wearing your binder

When you get dysphoric, he’s the first person you head to

Anything you need, he’ll get (or he already has if you’ve mentioned it)

He teaches you specific exercises to make your body look more masculine

When you brought up testosterone, he was slightly confused

“I know what testosterone is, but… you put it in a pill or something?”

After you explained what it was, he was fully on board

He’ll remind you everyday to take your testosterone

Around every month or so he’ll do a little “voice test” to see how much deeper your voice has gotten

He gives you tips on the changes testosterone gives, himself being masculine

You laugh together at how much you’re changing

Eventually you brought up top surgery, and by that point he’d pretty much learned most transgender terms and such so he knew what you were talking about

He knew how dysphoric you were and that binders could only do so much

When the day of your top surgery came, he was super worried

He knew you’d be fine, but the fact that it was a surgery made him anxious

He didn’t show it to you, of course, because he didn’t want you being more nervous than you already were

He calls your top surgery scars your ‘man scars’

When it comes to transphobic idiots, he generally lets you put them in their place

Don’t get it twisted, he wants to punch their lights out, but you have first dibs on that

If he notices you aren’t feeling up to dealing with them, he’ll absolutely take them on for you

[spacegoatart]

i haven’t officially posted my own treasure planet headcanons, so that's what this is! some of this might be ooc but i don't really care because they are fun to think about, so yeah, enjoy!

this is gonna be long so i’m gonna put it under a keep reading

it makes me so sad that they supposedly don’t keep in touch at the end of the movie, so that's where headcanons come in. Jim and Silver went thru WAY too much to not keep in touch, Silver couldn’t leave Morph without being able to see him again either (Silver literally refers to himself as Morphs ‘dad’ in one scene!!) they at least send letters or have some sort of burner phone, with Silver being a wanted criminal and all. for a while they probably just sent letters, Jim talking about the academy and Silver sending little gifts from his escapades such as a lava rock or an especially interesting coin. Jim keeps all the gifts in a box, along with the letters but if he feels especially attached to a gift, he’ll set it on his window sill of on the rim of his mirror. as much as I like the idea of Jim getting Silver a jitterbug/ladybug, realistically Silver would be the one to set the idea into motion. Jim gets a larger gift and its a little phone, made of parts that Silver could scrap together (or on he found in a shop on a traders planet), he immediately sets it up and texts Silver. it was really nice for them to talk in real time and were probably already discussing the idea, even though Silver could get caught, so Jim was really excited about it. Jim now keeps Silver updated on life events and Silver calls every now and then to tell Jim about his travels. Silver hasn’t quite figured out how to send photos but once he does, he starts sending some everyday (including some hilarious selfies, akin to what a dad would post on Facebook).

Silver absolutely visits, for a while it was very, very scarce because he was still wanted but was sneaky enough to come and see Jim every few months. he comes and hangs out at the inn for a few days while his crew is out at bars or stocking up on items for their next adventure, as well as they know better than to fight their captain on his decisions. during these visits, Silver tells Jim (and anyone brave enough to sit near them) stories about what he had seen, creatures he had encountered and wonders they had discovered. Jim tells Silver about his time at the academy, new friends he’s made and what he’s learning, including some complicated stuff. sometimes Jim even get so into it, he brings out a textbook to express his point. while Silver is pretty smart, he has no idea what Jim is talking about (because its usually math and obscure facts) and usually just smiles and nods as Jim rambles. (lol this may be me projecting my ADHD onto Jim but i have the feeling he info dumps to people hes comfortable with)

speaking of the academy, i think despite all the combat training and captaining that Jim is learning, i think Jim would be really interested in math. like a surprising amount. it would probably be difficult to start off but once he did, hoo boy he could not stop. there were some hurdles he had to face but eventually he landed in a pretty advanced math course (not the highest but still pretty up there, maybe like calculus or applied mathematics). knowing some math was important as a captain, having to deal with probability on a ship in the Etherium, but Jim was fascinated by numbers and the way they made up the world. i think he would be really interested in physics or theoretical stuff, which is difficult but i think he could do it. he probably uses his previous experiences in space to help him visualize the math, which helps a lot.

the first time Silver came to the inn, Jim practically tackled him. which was no big deal since he’s almost double Jim’s size, Silver was more worried about Sarah and what she thought of him being a pirate and all. Jim assured him that everything was ok and he asked her but Silver still felt a bit nervous. he felt like he was intruding on her territory. but while Jim had run upstairs for something and Silver stood sheepishly in the doorway, Sarah came over with a smile on her face and shook his hand. he wasn’t expecting that at all, he was more ready for a glare from the kitchen or even a talk about ground rules. Sarah talked to him about how excited Jim was (she was also kind of excited, she had met plenty of pirates and was almost as fascinated as Jim was) and how she was grateful for Silver staying in her sons life. Silver felt much more comfortable after that and they started talking too, (not sure if it would be romantic or not, it would be cute but i love them just being friends as well) they became pretty good friends. Jim loved it, even if they weren’t married or Silver wasn’t biologically related to him, he felt like he had a full family again. when Jim was busy or sleeping, Sarah and Silver would chat over coffee or in the kitchen while Sarah cooked, Silver helping. Sarah would probably rope Silver into helping her at the inn once she learns he can cook and he kind of falls into a routine. come see Jim, hang out, when Jim is busy/out, go put on an apron.

(this one is 100% projecting lol) this is a pretty loose hc, especially since it started as a joke but now i really like it. i think Jim, as well as Silver, is transgender. Jim wasn’t really expecting Silver to be trans, as are most (he passes super well lmao). i mean, many pirates were gay, why can’t space faring ones be trans? hell, Silvers crew probably has a slew of queer folk among them, if not all of them being some sort of LGBT. body modification looks like a regular thing in their world, so i think Silver has already had top surgery, whether he was planning to or not. by that i mean that i think Silver could have been injured, woke up and found that something was missing. worried he may have become more cyborg, he checked, winced and found that bandages had been bound around his chest. ‘well that's out of the way’. despite not wanting to be vulnerable around his crew, most of them if not all of them know he’s trans since most of them didn’t see it as some sort of weakness, it was just who you were. (if ya’ll are interested, i have some crew hcs like gender and sexuality but this post is mainly about Jim, Silver and Sarah)

(continuation of the trans hc) when Jim came out to Silver, there’s a moment of silence between them. in Jim’s head it was awkward, but in Silver’s, things started clicking. Jim was worried Silver didn’t understand and quickly explain but Silver comforted him, and explained that he understood. Jim was the confused one now and Silver quickly cleared that up, explaining that he too was trans. Jim was relieved, confused and surprised. he hadn’t expected that outcome but that wasn’t bad, if anything he thought it was cool. he had more in common with his adoptee-dad than he had thought. Silver now makes sure to emphasis his compliments when Jim is working, hoping to boost Jim’s ego and make him feel better. it works and Jim feels even more comfortable in his own skin. (i have another part about Silver taking Jim to get top surgery but they would need Sarah’s permission first, not that she’d say no but Silver doesn’t want to encounter her wrath xD)

i’d like to think that Silver takes Jim up on his ship, not for plundering but just to sail around. the new crew had already seen Silver in action and decided nobody wanted to question him about Jim, especially since he was causing any trouble. eventually Jim couldn’t really visit Silvers ship anymore, being a Navy officer and all but that was ok, Silver still came to the inn and Jim had his own ship/s.

Silver knows all the drama around town, mostly because Sarah hears it fro customers and then gossips to Silver about it. Silver will come in, say hello and she’ll start, he’ll probably respond with something like ‘no way, they did that?’ and then he’d listen as she worked.

when talking to Jim, Silver refers to Sarah as ‘ma’ and Sarah starts referring to Silver as ‘dad’ since they have become Jim’s collective parents, and it doesn’t bother either of them.

after Jim lets Silver get away at the end of the movie, Silver stays on his own for a while, though no one knew that. he got a larger boat, just big enough for him and he wandered planets, drifted through space, just thinking. he wasn’t sure what to do next, he was a wanted man but he also had no crew. the thought of settling down passed in his mind but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, he was comfortable in the Etherium, he would get cabin fever after a week. so he continued being a pirate, it was rough work but he loved being among the stars, exploring the galaxy. Jim knew this and didn’t want to push Silver to stay at the inn for a long amount of time but they still made it work.

Silver has little experience with children, having none of his own until Jim (i’ve seen people give Silver children as his backstory but he doesn’t strike me as that kind of guy, not that he wouldn’t want kids but he’d have to choose between family life or pirates life. that's too much for him.) the most experience Silver had was with helping people at port and with his crew, anyone young enough to need guidance and smart enough to listen.

Silver loves music but really only know sea shanties, drinking songs and some old folk music, but he can still be found singing with his crew and humming while he’s working. Jim on the other hand listens to a lot of music, especially after treasure planet. (this is assuming they have all the music we have xD) he listened to brooding teenage music before, like Teenage Dirtbag or bands likes Greenday, but now he has a few shanties on his list as well, plus some classical music for when he’s studying or relaxing. he also listens to ABBA, either because he just likes them or because his mom plays them in the inn.

Jim, Sarah and Silver have way more pictures of each other now. the inn now has multiple family photos with Silver included, Jim has a framed image of the three of them and Silver has a little scrapbook. it’s the only thing he’s ok with having on his ship, still worried about being seen as ‘soft’ (even if he is a big softie and everyone knows it).

Silver usually wears a pretty simple working outfit with his nice coat and hat but when he does want to look nice, holy shit does he do it well. sometimes when he’s dressed up he wonders why he doesn’t do it more often just for fun but then he thinks of the countless times he’s had to throw out shirts stained with blood. he would never let that happen to his nice clothes.

i really like the idea that if things had been different, Sarah Hawkins would have been a pirate, and a damn good one at that. maybe she wasn’t in this life but that doesn’t stop the occasional daydream and questions to Silver about his lifestyle. he offers to take her on his boat when he takes Jim and she hesitates but says yes in the end. Jim definitely didn’t get his wanderlust spirit from Leland. (this is a little ooc for Silver but not for Sarah, i 100% believe she would be a pirate) maybe after Jim joins the Navy, he buys a small boat, big enough for him and his mom and they go on trips where they just enjoy the Etherium.

you cannot tell me that the second Silver was out of earshot on the long boat that he didn’t cry his eyes out. motherfucker may know how to hide his feelings but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them, he’s a sucker and he knows it. when he gets more comfortable around Jim and Sarah, he finds himself getting way more tearful from touchy feely stuff. Morph being cute? sobbing. Jim called him dad? waterworks. literally anything that tugs on his heartstrings? has to go to his cabin to cry his eyes out. the first time Jim and Silver met up again, they both just started sobbing.

Silver, Jim too probably, has PTSD (sorry if i get anything wrong, i’m not sure what else to call it) to an extent. it isn’t intense to the point that he gets overwhelmed with emotions and has flashbacks (unless it has to do with his missing limbs) but he does have some nightmares and prepares for the worst in most scenarios. Jim has to remind him that the bang at the door wasn’t pirates, it was just a unruly customer and that the silhouette he saw outside was just a passing ship, not canon fire. Silver apologizes every time, despite not doing anything but switch to his sword and brace but he can’t help but feel bad for worrying them. i can’t imagine the kind of terrors he has about loosing his limbs.

Silver, when he detaches his arm, will forget he only has one hand. sort of like that video with the astronaut back on Earth, but instead of gravity, he keeps handing stuff to his cyborg hand, dropping the item and they being confused when he can’t find whatever he had. he’s just so used to it by now, he’ll even gesture with his missing hand and not realize he can’t convey what he’s doing. Jim has been asked to hand his stuff, Silver will try to grab it without look and ask Jim why he didn’t hand it to him. Jim has to remind him that he doesn’t have his cyborg arm, leaving Silver apologizing. its always lighthearted between them and they joke about it but Jim knows Silver is still bothered by it a little.