#“if i dont die now and feel better soon i will never think about killing myself again”

[m00ngbin]

Jesus is forcing me to be joyous 😐

[lady-ashfade]

A Son For A Son

´*: ･ﾟ⋆˒ Deamons Bastard!Reader x Yan!Team black. Pt.2

╰･ﾟ✧☽ first fic here.

╰･ﾟ✧☽ summary: the queen has given a order, and craving revenge you expect.

╰･ﾟ✧☽ words: 1k

╰･ﾟ✧☽ warnings: blood & gore, murder and death, reader killing, reader being her father, uncanon events, poison, I just needed to make this.

╰･ﾟ✧☽ DONT READ IF YOU WANNA BE SPOILED: reader does in fact kill aemond in this and idk if you are happy about it, I want his head to take to my queen.

“I want Aemond Targaryen.” she stood before the council covered in dirt and who knows what.

It had been two weeks since the letter about the death of Lucaerys had arrived and you all had been the worst for it. and ever since she searched and searched for a sign of truth, desperate to be wrong. that her sweet boy was alive. you knew he was dead and you wanted everyone to pay for taking luke. you wanted aemond targaryen to pay. you took anger out on the ones you could, or roamed the sky’s to get your mind off of things. you would not act without her orders.

The resemblance you shared to daemon was close and terrifying for your foes. just as you had the idea to fulfill her wishes, your father did too.

“I don’t know what you’re planning,” the sound of your voice made his shoulders fall and a smirk appear on his face, one you couldn’t see. a dark cloak draped over his shoulders and matched the same one across your frame. “but I have a better one.”

“No.” you glare at the back of his head. again denied something worth your talents.

“You can’t tell me what do to this time father.” standing your ground as his eyes turn around, a look he uses when he’s serious. and for him it was like looking into a mirror, you carved blood just like he did and loved getting to spill it. even for no reason at all.

“I have waited around for a task, and she has said she wants Aemond. I mourn the loss of my brother too, and you can not keep me from whatever it is that you think you’re protecting me from.”

Hundreds of men died at the end of your blade at night as you slip throughout the shadows. you were a slayer, a assassin who followed your own roles but loved coin and the game. a story to tell children to make them weep and fear the dark. so how could he still think you are not ready.

“I have let you do what you needed, patrol the blockade against my wishes. or fly alone when our enemies wait to make us weaker” he lectures, “and I will not let them take you.” for a moment you saw a regular father begging for his daughter to stay safe. you aren’t just a daughter now but a soldier in war.

“I would never let them take me,” you step closer and give him a smug look, “I am your daughter after all.”

Instead of going himself, daemon sends you, for the head of the copycat prince.

the castle gates are easy to slip passed with the help of a guard who shares your hatred for the hightowers. and many times, you slip into the keep without getting caught.

“Something told me you’d be here,” his eye glanced at you amused from the cough as his fingertips spin a coin. “It’s as if the gods made me stay here.” aemond unfolded his legs and leaned forward on his knees. many years you hated the way he spoke to you like a interest of his to be claimed like his bitch dragon.

“Then the gods agree you’ll die tonight.”

aemond waited for this moment to finally fight you. he wanted to win and keep you forever as a trophy, a wife who was like him and everyone feared without a doubt. he wasn’t a fool, you are a skilled killer and he needed to bring his all. and some skills stayed in the dark.

a slice in his chest, in his leg and cheek aren’t as bad as he thought when he had you pinned down onto the table. the cold feeling of metal as his hands wrapped around your throat was refreshing. you didn’t try and fight back as he took your breath because the fight was won as soon as it started.

And he should have known you couldn’t be this sloppy.

curling lips up into a devil’s smirk, looking into his eye he feels himself weakened and his grip loosen. the power of letting a man win and wiping all power from beneath their feet was riveting and a hobby. Aemond leaned back and placed his weight onto the couch while trying to keep composure. “You honestly think i wouldn’t have a plan? Make my own rules?” you raise a brow and rub the sore skin of your neck, inching closer while standing up yourself.

“Silent reaper is the name they whisper about me, come in quickly without notice. I always kill my enemies without them awake, but you,” you point and lean down as his eyes become bloodshot, “I want to feel the most pain. And I will enjoy it.” within a few minutes his body starts to leak its own blood. he was quickly taken to death of course, you couldn’t hear his pleads but you’ll satisfy with his death.

guards fall silent when they watch you walk through the halls they don’t even announce your name. white locks lace your fingers and the weight of his head was little and you look like your father with the proud eyes of what you did. the sounds of your footsteps cause the council to glance over but stay with shock. non of them expected to see that and much less out of no where. though, your father seemed pleased and chuckled at the sight.

“The head of Prince Aemond Targaryen, your Grace.” Walking past Jace you set the bloody head on the table as people gawk and flinch. “the poison was my idea, hope you don’t mind.” a second later you yawn of exhaustion and boredom. you look at rhaenrya as her eyes glossed with the revenge you took for her.

“If you’ll excuse me, the ride back was tiring and I wish to get back to my book.” bowing down you flash a “polite” smile and walk away to your chambers with pride and a hand rested on your blade. with everyone wondering what else you would do for the queen,

Your mother.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0E4haJHYUJw

sorry can s.omeone please helpme please and quicker this time its worse sorry thankyou justneed it to stop fast please, i am quite afraid its fucking fireworks isnt even thesaem thing that happened to me,and itsnot real why does ithurt that s so pointless im sick of it im nevergoing to be able to be a person again if i have a panic ove r eveyrthing i nwant to go home soon now

pleasmake it turn off fast thank you love you help im scared

supposed to be strong this isso stupid hahaha. ow ow ow ow

cananyone haer me. pleas em ake it turn off cant do this one forso long its makingme panic every time oneofthem goes off haha it doesnt even soundthe same it was muchlouder when iitreally happened

what if the asteroid goes into a star a sun and idont die because im not allowed ever and i ahve to beo nfire forever!! that would be bad i don t want that . oh my god what the fuck am i talking about. maybe i shoudl just scream really loud and then jimmy will come and maybe he'll hit me hard enough to make itstop

no hah okay nope im not goingt o do that . thatss not a good plam at all! then iwould probably cry and he owudl hitme more!! cheers!!!!!!!! hahaha

are any of you there i want it to stop fast please. please can the time delay things not work this time idont want to wait that long .

nooo no it's fine i mean cmon the only reason that it took so long last time's because oft hhe dleays and then all the good videos came at once and it was good theyll . theyre not going to ignore me its okay that will not happen. oh god but i cant wait that long not again pleasecan you break the itme delya this time i dont want to i dont want to do this anymore

i migth start screming by accdint . i dont want to do that i t will make anya upset and jhimmy wuill be angyr and. i dont want him to be angry he might . be agnry. whyis eveyrone angyr with me all thetime i dont try to be frustrating i dont i reallydont . i dont want to be by myself anymore can you please. the rescueline disconnceted and no one can do anything to helpme please acn soemhone help me befroe i make it worse and scream haha oh mygod no i was wrong its the same its the same the sound is different but the way the colors burst across youreyelids when you shut themisthe same and tehn you cant shut them anymore and it hurts it hurts andeverything is white and then its red and youcant even scream youcant move and its just burnign and it takestoo long to pass out why did it take so long i felt evyrting it ev en when iw asnt awake i oculd feel it burnign

and i think i think he left me in there on purpose i think hewanted to make sure i coldnt get better i think he wanted to hurt me i htink he was angyr stilll about the firing an waht i sadi in the cockpit afterhis eval i think maybe thats why he hates me now i didnt i didnt know jimmy i wouldnthave said that if iknew why are you angry i wanted. to help why would you hurther jim she didnt do anytihng to you why would you why would you hurt her why would you hurt me wgy do you keep hurting me. idont ressist anymore so youdont have to push so hard dont have to reach sofar why do you . you want to hurt me yeah? you want to and itsnot because ofanything but you and me. jimmy anya soembdoy cann you make the fireworks go away for me please i will be better

please can aynoe hear me im sc ared im so scared i dont want to beon fire agian it hurt so much and wheni. woke up i couldnt stop screaming . i ocudnt stop im going tos cream aagain and hes going to hit me but nope he wont kill me he wont knock me out because i have to feel it i have to feel veyrthing all the time i cant even sleep!!! that woudl be too peaceful and i dont get to have it peaceful no no no!!!!!!! not allowed for curlly to hvave peaceful i have to be feleing all of it

i onyl had two days i only had two days iwanted to help but i was scared ishouldntmake excuses im sorry nevermind nevermind im sorry anyaimsory shoudnthave been you never you never anybody else i shoudlvedonesomething i shoudlve let us both die whenwe werekids ojgod no no i cantwant him todie hewas. my firned no no no he hurtssherbieng selfish why did i tell them why did i let her tell him why did i let him go in there why did i go in there

i wish it had killed me then it woudlnt stil hurt its been so so so so long forever humanbody isnt supposed to fele this way for so long icant do it anymore iwish they ddint all ahte me s omuch i dindt crash thesip i didnt do it i didnt i neverwouldve done it whyd theybleve you so easilyi am i thiat easy to, did anyoen ever likeme or did they all feel the same as you jimmy is that why. deado pixels everywehr theye all dead pixels and i ahve to bealive its not fair no no haha it is fair this is this is what happens when you dont do anythign now you dont get to!!!!!!cant fix anythuing no matere how muchyou want toooo

cant do anything ever and iut always hurts and shes aways crying andhe doesnt smile anymore and i dont seehim naymore hes drinnkinghismelf to death and none fo them aluagh they used to laugh i miss mmy parents i miss closing my eyes i miss when thinsgs were soft andpeople hugged me evenif it was just pretend and they didnt care i could believe it sometimes and it didnthurt

i wanna go home

i wnana go to sleep

im reallyscared that im going to scream soon not onpurpose

can anybody hear or amitalkingto nothing . can anyeone hear me? icanrt. see anything exceot, the

hah ha am i tlaking too much . i think i am . why would you give this to me. youknow it would hurt me . why does eveyrone liek to hurt me am i that awful or is it that fun . ah hahaha. it jus. it kepe s on going. ahahahaahaha. and anotheranotther anohter another another!!!! is htis because i c omplaiend about the fireare youmad at me because iwouldnt stop saying it overand over wouldnt shut up god it's so annoyign haha right thats it yeah? youask ove and over and nothing chagnes so you have to stop before you get hurt because therse a reaseono they dont listen and if you keep asking againanda again and again forever theyll make you pay.

im soryr ill. be quiet

youdont have to make it go away this time , i can. deal with itthis time until it ends if you dont do it agian. could we make that deal, is that all right can we

amibeing punished

i think i am

or maybe not . only persons get punished im not a perosn im a toy i think . thats it thats all it is anymore and hwen a toy breaks you break it moreandmoreandmore and thneyou throw itawya into the incinerator to burn forever yeah?

everyneos going to go away. whoeven cares right? got thier own lives. own worlds other worlds better worlds. better world where im gone!!! got real friends haha got reaaal families real sons. and the firworks keeo going and eveyrone goes away!!! boom boom boom thats anotehr oen gone. jsut me just me all by mysefl in th empty

oh no no no

no no nonoonnononononono im cryingnow i need to stop no ones in here and if he hears me he might

please imsorry if anyones still there please hlep i acnt stop hes going to hear me pleaseimscared

[ablobwhowrites]

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

Also kinda thinking of the sad detective y/n idea I did and now I’m about to expose more angst I was hiding from you guys and adding more salt to your/n’s wound with this idea from @someone-named-adel and the original start of detective y/n’s angst arc started HERE so please enjoy my yapping session and also I promise I’m going to release a fic on this soon.

I imagine when y/n’s partner was killed. Y/n was the last one to leave the grave even when it was raining heavily, y/n didn’t wanna leave their side. Even at the hospital through the surgery and when they told him the news, it was like he was torn apart. Especially when it was New Year’s Day when he was to propose to them and how they talked about having a family. To find out later when y/n was trying to clean their, his apartment he found a letter that was neatly folded as he opened it was a letter that his partner wrote that told him that they were going to have their child and be able to have the family that y/n and them wanted for so long. They were going to give the letter to y/n when y/n was going to propose as well and this had y/n sob as he couldn’t save his love and now he lost their future, the life, the dream that him and his partner were planning. (In a alternative universe y/n saved his lover and was able to live a happy ever after with them and his child. I say as I'm dragged into rock myself back and forth in a corner)

And that sometimes in certain cases he has is when he sometimes has to be like a parental figure to some kids who have lost or need help to find their parents as some part in him tells him to protect the kid who needs help but he is still afraid that he'll have the kid die when he tries his hardest to protect them but that never happens. He it's just afraid of having kids and feeling that anyone who puts trust into him would get hurt or worse as even if he had no control of the situation, he'll always feel like he could have done something to help even when he couldn't have done anything to prevent this situation. Just for anyone he cares about, he wants to be safe especially having to see his lover die had given him more purpose to try help and protect more people even if it kills him.

But now to the silly and the brain rot

Also I was rewatching the justice league series and was the episode A better world and saw that they cared for our regular flash because the one in the other world died and I saw how panicked the other Batman was when he thought our world flash died so I was thinking. What if the opposite justice league also lost their y/n and basically went to take the y/n from our dc cause they are still alive. Just a little thought and also watched the Crisis on Two Earths: Crime Syndicate Earth. And thought of other world y/n who worked with that justice league from the crisis on two earths. I dont know, might to a more imaging part of it but yeah.

Detective y/n: "wow that was a great dinner. Well thanks for inviting me over but I gotta go back home now."

Bruce: "who said you were leaving?"

Y/n: "huh?"

Detective y/n seeing killer croc running straight at him like

Detective y/n: "good to be back at my job in gotham."

Romantic DC yanderes: "I want you."

Y/n: "what-"

Detective y/n: "well at least theres no more insane universes that try to harm this world.....what do you mean there's more universes?"

(bro is going to tweak when he realizes they get worse from here. But thats all today and if you'd guys like more than feel free to request more but right for now please stay healthy and drink lots of water and stay healthy guys!)

[mer-acle]

yayay (ok damn looking back im sorry this is quite the ramble/info dump)

ok so basically

after god games, apollo (the good brother he is) immediately tries to help athena, but zeus stops him. he says that if anyone attempts to help athena in any way they will end up worse than her AND that he will make sure to re-injure her to undo any healing she recieved (apollo did manage to heal her a little so and zeus Doesnt care that he hadnt told anyone that rule yet so he does in fact end up striking her again)

also, he makes it very clear that if anyone outside of the arena finds out what happened to her he will kill them

obviously athena is. very paranoid. and zeus is not one to find loophole exploitation amusing so everyone is very on edge and it's not exactly unreasonable to assume that helping her process anything or feel better emotionally (aka literally j talking to her at all WITHOUT insulting her) counts as against zeus' rules so she wont talk to anyone and they dont want to talk to her (bc of the rules, they dont want her to get reinjured and they dont want themselves to get injured, they do actually care altho they cant express that) (also idk if im going to add this, maybe zeus literally just meant no healing her, but he can't back down now that everyone's agreed that 'no talking' is part of the punishment without LoOkInG wEaK. i can make EVERYONE suffer if i want to)

and athena (who is definitely so very good at processing her emotions) is so paranoid about someone ELSE she cares about being hurt by zeus (thunder bringer flashbacks lol) """because of her""" that she literally will scream-beg anyone who comes within talking distance of her to leave before they get themselves hurt. and everyone is so shocked by seeing her in such visible distress that they don't even question it.

mEANWHILE back on ithaca ody has returned home and is very happy to see his family. telemachus excitedly goes 'and you will never guess who i met!!! i met athena!!! she helped me in a fight :D' and long story short ody finds out about the events of the wisdom saga tel was there for and puts that together with hermes' line at the end of dangerous and realizes that athena somehow got him off ogygia and that there was violence involved. and since ody is back on ithaca, that means what she left to go do is done right??? so they both start praying to try to figure out what's going on. athena knows ody and knows that he would definitely figure out that Something happened to her and that would lead to him dying so she is dead set on ignoring them. ody is half convinced that she actually hates him while tel knows for a fact that's not true and is more concerned that she's straight-up dead.

THEN penelope, smart woman she is, hypothesizes that maybe whatever athena did to free ody was dangerous and that immortals can't die so she's likely very wounded and will talk to them as soon as possible.

athena is watching them to make sure that something like this doesnt happen, at this point she's not exactly thinking straight and doesn't realize that penelope figuring things out herself =/= athena telling her, but also is so paranoid and mistrustful of zeus that she thinks he would kill her if she figured it out herself just to prove a point. (and also its penelope, so ody would actually hate her forever if she killed penelope, which yeah but she wouldn't be the one to kill penelope in this scenario but she has convinced herself she is responsible for making sure zeus doesn't kill anyone bc she has kinda always had to be the one keeping his anger in check so yay parental trauma)

athena is in a lot of pain esp after flying to ithaca and so worked up at this point so shes basically shouting at penelope to 'stop trying to understand bc everyone will die' and penelope is obviously very frightened bc a goddess showed up and started yelling at her without explaining what the problem even is (it is obvious to athena what the problem is. it is Not obvious to penelope, at least not in the moment). ody overhears this and sees her and at first goes 'why is she yelling at penelope WHAT' (wifeguy rage activated lol) but then quickly realizes that athena is basically crying and fully spiraling in a full-on mental breakdown, realizes something is Very Very Wrong, and tries to talk to her but athena panics that ODY is there now, yells something along the lines of 'STOP JUST STOP PLEASE' and then just leaves immediately.

i have more ideas but this is long enough already + also i have to go eat dinner

if u read this whole thing, ty for listening to me ramble :D

in summary, zeus successfully wages psychological warfare against athena

Gxizdtxuxdkdjfzjfxjfxjttitditzjfzjfxux

WHY

Just WHY

Biting my pillow

Oh poor baby

Crying

We must kill Zeus

The ithacan fam makes me so soft they care so much

I'm interested how (if whhhhjkmhij) this gets resolved cos I don't see any way out and that's so sad 😭😭😭

But yeah great job I'm gonna go sit in the corner to cry now, don't mind me

[killerbeecj]

tw abuse

//ooc: proud of this one so tagging y'all, no need to reply if you dont want to, as always. just seeking compliments lol//

Barty knew he shouldn't have lied to Monty. That was his new papa, and he already felt like he didn't deserve the kindness that he was given. Now he deserved it even less, as he became a liar, on top of everything else that made him a crisis, and almost impossible to put up with, at least in his own mind.

But he needed his stuff back, and he knew Monty would not let him complete this mission if he knew Barty wasn't actually going to cancel it when Monty had asked him to.

It was supposed to be easy. A trunk with a feather light charm and a levitation charm, take it to his room, grab as much stuff as he could fit, and leave. His father wasn't supposed to be home for the next week.

Barty had no idea that his father had cancelled his trip the moment he got word of Barty running away from home. Screw the sacred 28, apparently some kid who believed in the blood superiority stuff overhead him talking about it at school, told their parents, who contacted crouch senior.

He was lucky, at first. His father still had to work, and so when Barty first arrived, the house was empty, as he had expected. Up to his room, pack quickly. He managed to, somehow, get everything he had come for - most of his clothes, leaving behind some that he hated, and a few posters from the walls. Anything else he deemed important always came to hogwarts with him, for example, the ring he always wore on his middle finger, that was his mother's wedding ring; and a few other pieces that once belonged to her. And of course, his art supplies and sketchbook collection. it was only about 5 books, built up since he was 11. He had stopped drawing when his mother died, and only started again when he went to hogwarts; and any art from before the age of eight he did not deem worthy to keep.

After packing up everything he wanted, Barty was about to leave his room, when he heard footsteps. He was glad for the feather light charm then, as he shoved the trunk under his bed, and quickly muttered a locking charm and a vanishing charm that only he could break. No chance he was letting his father stop him.

This was the moment he knew the trip hadn't gone ahead, and he wished he had listened to Monty. Had his new papa known? surely he would have said, if he knew, not let Barty go ahead thinking the house would be empty. Maybe he just had a feeling something would happen. Well, too late to dwell on that now.

The door swung open.

Crouch senior looked angry. No, he looked enraged. Wrathful. Murderous.

It soon turned out, he felt more like torture than murder. Made sense, though - even he didn't have it in him to kill Barty, not with how he was the only piece of his mother left.

Crouch senior, did, however, have it in him to leave him a bleeding mess.

He never used his hands, would never get them dirty. Barty couldn't remember the last time his father had touched him, in any way.

Instead, spells and words would do. Spells that left Barty cut, bruised, bleeding onto his bedroom floor. He refused to cry. Just more scars for his collection, he could survive this, he would.

And the words - insults that dug way too deep to be lies, Barty thought. His father knew him better than anyone else, having watched him grow up, knowing all the little things that made him tick. And he used those against him.

"Your mother would be ashamed."

"Rolling in her grave."

"I bet even the Rosier's are only using you."

"You disgust me."

"Should never have been born."

"Kill yourself."

Barty was starting to consider that last one as an option, if he was being honest. He couldn't believe his father would use Pandora and Evan against him like that. No, he could believe it. He just didn't want to. He knew his father didn't like who he was friends with, and the twins were apparently the worst of the bunch. He was seriously considering letting himself die, just to stop how badly he was hurting, both physically and mentally.

He wanted Evan.

He hoped Evan knew that he loved him.

And he only thought of Evan.

If he was to die, he wanted his last thoughts to be of his rose. Even if he was the only one to know about it.

Barty wasn't sure if it had been minutes or hours when his father finally stopped, and left the room, locking Barty in. He was covered in his own blood, and different parts of his body were swollen and bruised. Luckily, there didn't seem to be any broken bones this time. He didn't even bother to clean himself up, deciding the blood smeared across himself and his clothes was worth it this time. He had survived, and he never had to come back, and the marks left behind were his battle wounds. He wore them with pride.

Once he could no longer hear footsteps, Barty unvanished his trunk, keeping it locked and featherlight, he dropped it out the window. somehow it landed without a sound, and Barty was grateful for that. Next step was himself.

He was in so much pain, but managed to get outside too. He glanced around once he hit the floor, then nodded to himself. He knew what to do.

It didn't take Barty long to locate his father's owl, tying the lightened trunk to the bird and sending it off to take it to hogwarts for him. Barty had elsewhere to be, and the bird could handle getting it to his dorm for him.

When he showed up at hogsmeade to meet his new parents he looked as though he had just been killed. People were staring, and he knew it, but he had promised to show up, so he did.

All he could bring himself to want was Evan.

@deer-prongs @br1ghtest---star @wolf-j-wolf @number-one-secret-keeper @lilyofthehills @chaosqueenmarls @call-me-hot-not-pretty @uhm-alice-who @evanrosethorn @dorcas-mead0ws @why-am-i-the-one-drowning @vance-let @liketheoneinlovewithareflection @rosierofraveclaw

[starzzmissthesun]

drop the bartylus song explanations bestie (pls pls plssss plsplss)

Hiiii!!!! Sorry this a little late I've been a little busy the past couple days! This ones definitely gonna be a long one, but i might skip a few songs, so if their are any other ones you'd like to hear about lmk!! Some of these i associate with one of them in particular rather than both. The relation to them and the song is not necessarily what i interpret the song as, but just how it fits and relates to them!!! (also guys dont judge me for the music taste)

Trees-Mcafferty

So this one is very much like catholic/religious guilt, but is even just like being in a family and culture (like the purebloods, like the blacks) that is very very homophobic and strict. The first verse says "my mom was a christian, my dad is an alchie, i bet that he kills me", this to me is very regulus in the whole, walburga being someone who was brought up in a strict and 'be perfect' way, which she then puts onto her kids. And orion someone who is way harder on them, no room for repenting, just damnation. Though they both could represent this song, for they both had such controlling and strict home lives. I feel like it also, especially towards the ends of the song, talks about being different and "wrong" and a freak, feeling just so outcasted and trying to fit in, but never being able to.

If I Saw Him, Id Still Kiss Him-Mcafferty

This is veryyyy Barty's POV after Regulus died. It describes a house filled with ghosts and memories. Barty wishing they ran away instead "Lets go to italy, just you and me, i think wed really like it there", thinking that maybe regulus wouldnt have had the fate he did if they left the whole war behind. It describes the depression and loss of self/hope throughout the rest of this war. The verse from "took a picture of a picture" to "Get to New York for the sunsets" to me, describes how regulus had a different relationship to him than anyone else. I mean this song to me is especially sad if you think of it as they never really got together it was just an almost/what if?

Blue Eyes Like The Devils Water-Mcafferty

This is another Barty POV song to me, but its overall just a description of them being in bad situations and them falling for each other was just making everything better and worse at the same time. This shows how they were kind of raising themselves, both parents ignoring them so long as they do what theyre supposed to. It's just the two of them kind of deal.

The Lions Den-Mcafferty

Another song about them going down together, Barty POV again too. He sees Regulus falling more and more into this dark obsession and going down together. I especially think of the lions den as The Cave, especially in a Barty went with him Au. Him watching regulus getting pulled down everywhere, in his dreams, in real life, hallucinations. "I still remember his eyes on mine" The guilt consuming him, wishing he went with him too. Going crazy because of it "Let me break, let me slip to the bottom of this hill, let my body fall into the pit, into the lions den" and "this is just a bad dream, everybody wakes up soon" convincing himself its not real, that one day hell wake up and regulus will be ok, so everything is. Or the "waking up" is death, he wishes to fall under the water aswell, to die, to be at peace with regulus.

Alligator Skin Boots-Mcafferty

This song is regulus when he's had his change of mind, when he's decided to sacrifice. It starts with him kind of comparing himself to his parents and their complacency and their being messed up. Then from "Im cold to the touch" to then end, is him in the cold waters dying, for his friends who are now in the order, and hoping the others will be safe once the war is over, too.

Pine Point-PUP

Ok so this ones very special to me for them! To me, its them both looking at each other as they go their own way once they've lost each other in the war. "where i kept my eye on the prize, it was you" Barty going crazy after loosing reg, Regulus seeing barty get more and more into the death eater stuff right as he is changing his mind. They have such a intertwined history and memories. Now they're both praying they're doing right for the other, and that the other is doing something right. Bonus points for this song: mentions of loosing an older brother, also just like an awesome breakdown riff.

Just gonna saying im not gonna go into the pheobe bridgers ones rn cause soo many of her songs are them (specifically reg's pov in my mind) but if anyone wants me to, lmk.

Geyser-Mitski

This is the yearning for your best friend song!!! Like just being like, "is this not enough? i have everything, yet i still want to be more with you" To me, its so them cause of the "ive turned down every hand that has beckoned me" cause i think they never would even consider being with anyone else, its JUST the other for them. And also "I will be the one you need, i just cant be without you" is their obsession and need to be with eachother, and the way they idolize each other, the need to be congruent. The whole song just describing a love so strong it builds up inside you, it calls to you, but pushing it down ruins you from the inside out.

Old friend-Mitski

This is in a scenario where they've broken up(which would never be by their choice imo). Idk i feel like if they ever broke up, itd be similar vibes to these lines: "I havent told anyone, just like we promised, have you?" "everytime i drive through the city where youre from i squeeze a little" "Ill take anything you give me". Do you see the vision?? Drowning mention too!!! It's more of a mentally/emotional drowning(like in depression/insanity, etc). in my mind the "someone whos loves me now, better than you" would be less of a literal statement, and more of a hope or a wish. Like they each would be unable to be together because they each have to be with a person who is "better" for them, since they enable each other to be really themselves. It's denial that they actually want the love the other gives.

Me and my husband AND two slow dancers-Mitski

Literally regulus as he's drowning in the cave. He's remembering barty, all of their shared memories, and praying that theyll "stick together" like they always have. Two slow dancers, maybe his afterlife. Or his last thoughts that lull him to "sleep". In the chaos of the hands and air squeezing out of his lungs, hes brought back to a memory of them. They both wish they could go back to before the whole mess, "to think that we could stay the same" hes criticizing himself for hoping the two of them could join this war and stay as they were.

I will-Mitski

ok, picture me this: regulus lives AU!! Maybe Barty went with him, or found him, or reg goes to him after the cave, but nonetheless!!! He's weak, hes scared for defecting, theyre both at odds. But all Barty can do is take care of him, and reassure his fears, though he, himself, is feeling those as well. Just like listen to the lryics:(((

Crack Baby-Mitski

This is Regulus watching Barty get more and more obsessive over Voldemort, as he's slowly doing the opposite. Reg knows Barty doesn't notice and doesn't know why he craves this approval, but Regulus does, he can tell. "With wild horses running through your hollow bones" that father figure voldemort is to barty is something he need so bad, its unstoppable. Just like that, dark magic, the murder. He caught a taste of it, and he can't go back.

Once more to seeyou- Mitski

(starts shaking) They can't be seen together, not just the homophobia of the time, and pretentiousness of their families, but their families hating each other. "but with everybody watching us, our every move, we do have reputations" GOD tell me that's not them!! They are both in such "important" families, for two opposing beliefs, that taught them they must hold themselves to high expectations to keep up the family name. Everyone's eyes are on them both!!! Rumours start easy!!! "and felt the taste of you bubble up inside me" Having so much love for each other, but having to hide it!!! It destroys you!!! Having to hide your emotions and wants not just in public, but to your family as well, and just wanting and yearning for the fairytale domesticity!!!

Im your man-Mitski

Everyone's like, this is barty to reg. NO!!! Its regulus to barty!!! REGULUS was the one who grew up in the pureblood culture/beliefs, he might've been the one to convert barty, to introduce him to it. i could quote the entire song, but i wont... BUT!! This is, to me, Regulus towards the end of his life. He's changed his mind, and now he sees how he destroyed Barty, how he guided him to voldemort, and told him all of his beliefs. How, in his old, skewed view of the world, he was "turning" barty away from what he now saw as the right way. He wishes barty chose someone else, who wouldnt've done that. And now, standing at the edge of the water, he can feel his death, his fate coming close. He knows that it was his choice to be so horrible. And now, after leading barty astray, hes leaving him there, hes betraying not only voldemort, but the love of his life.

The frost-Mitski

Barty's all alone. All of his friends are dead, his family is gone, regulus is missing and betrayed him. "youre my best friend, now ive no one to tell, how i lost my best friend" he not only lost regulus, he lost the only person who would truly know how he feels about it. He feels resentful towards regulus, not for betraying him, but that he was never told!! did he forget? did he think he wouldnt understand? Did something change? Did nothing change and he never really knew Regulus like he thought he did? Should he have seen it coming, but he was to busy pretending everything was ok? "but me, i was hiding, or forgotten"

Heaven-Mitski

Either one of them POV reminiscing over the last time they were together, regulus before his death, and barty after regulus' death. Equating their love to heaven, the love they have for eachother is religious. Very love song by LDR. Both sensing their fate coming near, the calm before the storm. Regulus knows hes going on a self sacrificing mission, and barty knows his mind is unraveling quicker and quicker as the days go on.

When memories snow-Mitski

"and if i break, could i go on break? be back in my room, writing speeches in my head" Barty is crazed with guilt, hes breaking. Hes replaying the last conversation, moment, argument, touch, glance, anything he had with regulus. Looking for anything different he could have done instead that wouldve changed the outcome. His memories are mixing together, he cant remember what actually happened and when. Those memories snow and they obscure his view of reality.

Early sunsets over monroeville-MCR

STOP!!! Barty is grieving!!!! "running away and hiding with you, i never thought theyd get me here." him staying down low enough that he wasnt suspected to be a DE, he ran away from his dad to be a DE. He thought they could never find him, and now his soul is close to being taken from him, til hes nothing. all he has left are jumbld memories. "but would anything matter if youre already dead? and should i be shocked by the last thing you said?" The betrayal means nothing, for regulus is dead, who is he supposed to be mad at? and maybe he shouldve seen it coming, maybe there were signs. He can never go back. "and in saying you loved me made things harder at best, and these words changing nothing as your body remains" Regulus loving him makes the hurt only worse, and admitting that to himself hurts even more. No matter any scenario in which he said something different, where he begged regulus not to go, or that hed leave with him, or they never joined in the first place matter, because regulus is still dead, his body is still at the bottom of that lake.

Living legend-Lana Del Rey

This is Regulus POV!!!! He worships Barty, he idolizes him. "..all the things you do, and the ways you move, send me straight to heaven." He regrets never telling Barty just how much he loved him, and he regrets having to betray him "and darling i never meant to defy you" This is set to me, once again, once hes changed his mind and is going on his mission. "I never meant to be bad or unwell, i was just lving on the edge right between heaven and hell, and im tired of it." trying to balance how he feels about barty once hes switched beliefs, he still is utterly devoted to barty and loves him, but they now have these huge opposing beliefs. and he cant help but blame himself. That part right after the last chorus that is just "why?" over and over and over again.

Mojo Pin-Jeff Buckley

This song is literally describing still feeling your lover there, long after they are gone, and feeling conflicted about how you should feel. "Dont want to weep for you, dont want to know" maybe barty is conflicted, he doesnt want to know what happened to reg or why, he knows he wont like the answer. he doesnt want to accept regulus is gone, and he doesnt want to accept why hes gone. "oh the welts of your scorn. my love, give me more, send whips of opinion down my back, give me more" Barty has now changed his mind, he realizes that he would rather know, he would rather regulus had gave him reason, then he couldve gone with him, and maybe he wouldnt be dead. As long as he's still getting something tangible from his lost lover.

Oh my GOD!!! go listen to ghost of you by My Chemical Romance, every single lyric is barty after regulus died, im not doing this one, cause id have to to just say every line, but PLEASE look at the lyrics and think of them!!! JUst some of the lines are: "if i died wed be together", "all the things that you never ever told me", "ever get the feeling that youre never alone?", "And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me" like please somebody help barty!!!

Yours, mine, hours-mcafferty

So, first of all, this song switches from regulus' POV to barty's at the lyric "and i wrote all of my songs..." just to be clear. Regulus wants to be the perfect son for his family, and he takes it too far in the process. "and you are innocent, at least you wish you finally were, you gotta keep your head up, but not too high, cause youll lose sight of what youve got" He doesnt realize barty is in the DE stuff just as deep as himself until hes changed his mind. "and im sorry, my love, that i ruined what we had" hes betraying barty, hes abandoning them. Then every line from bartys POV is just perfect. "he says 'i miss my brother, but hes not coming home, and i know that hes better, so its tie to grow up'." i mean COME ON? "you were my best friend, so i will love you 'til the very, very end" They both have so much guilt and regret and have wronged each other, but they still cant bring themselves to hate each other.

Anyways! im done for now!!! but if anyone wants my thoughts about them (about anything really) in relation to a song lmk!!it doesnt have to be angsty! also sorry if this is long and doesnt make sense:/

[givemedamage]

i dont really ramble slash just post my thoughts that much anymore bc im like an on edge bitch plus ive gotten ten times more incoherent off my meds and i dont wanna subject anyone to that except for in tags on art posting maybe sometimes ill be like BARRRRFFF WORDS but i wanna do it now bc. i just want to On that note like i definitely have posted dipshit dumbass stuff like oversharing stuff or stuff i no longer agree with or wish i worded better or didnt speak so soon on like i have a journal if i really need to tell the universe i just took a shit but ANYWAYTHATS NOT EVEN THE POINT OF THIS RAMBLE WAIT THIS WAS ART RELATED RAMBLING ok so like i've been trying to quote unquote relearn art for a hot minute cold second now and sometimes, ill think of that one ask i got that was like 'how do you draw furries' or How do you draw anthros or IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT and i cant remember what exactly i replied ,GIVEN THAT IS A VERY VAGUE QUESTION BUT LIKE i definitely replied something strange and unhelpful like 'ufhhh just practice :D !!!!! find fun ways to furrify the furry idk' AND LIKE IF THAT WAS YOU IM SO SORRY i feel like there's so much stuff i didn't AND STILL DON'T OBVIOUSLY know even though ive been doing furry art since babyhood like how important fundamental whatever is WHICH I KNOW SOUNDS DUMB LIKE OBVIOUSLY FUNDAMENTALS ARE IMPORTANT but like. learning perspective and actual shading not just guessing and using people pose and animals pose references and doing figure studies and outside places studies has HELPED ME SO MUCH LIKE WOW WHAT THE FUCK there's just little things i never learned in art class. little things i'll notice like 'huh foot (paw?) placement is actually rlly awesome and also important drawing a character standing' or like 'so that's what a trapezius is' or like 'ohhh i get it now, things are scaled bigger when they're closer and i should be thinking about the pov also' which like the last time i was in an art class i was literally a FRESHMAN IN HS so like. like yeah But how to draw furries individual , i apologize but if i was asked that again id probably be like ''References and youtube tutorial and especially that animal skull github angle reference website saved my hide'' WHICH ISNT REALLY THAT BETTER OF A RESPONSE NOW THAT IM LOOKING AT IT BUT LIKE I COULDVE more concisely said (ironic sonsidering how fucking long this spiel is becoming)that i don't know what the fuck im doing but i love resources and i love pencils and skecthing and i love wawa color and painting and digitaling arting and i love my fake world and artists i love you and artists who struggle making art they want i love you and artists who want to do art but are nervous to start or are preoccupied with other shit i love you . i know stuffs really hard out here for everyone and excuse me for being so unspecific about it but it seems like everyday it's just another thing it's honestly getting hard to keep up with much less sum up my frustrations towards in a single already tragically rambly post and i hate it so much and stay safe and i'm sorry do not die quietly plus never kill yourself. Tl,dr; i run on sentence about how art is good and fun, (somewhat gushily and long windedly )

[botanybulbasaur]

love through fiction

stuff below cut because its just stuff im writing while i cry

a quote i keep remembering over adnd over and over again is tahta stupid "the love was there and it changed everything. if you even care" quote because. i dont like change. i like having positive impacts on people but i dont like when i change or when they change. it feels like im losing something, an aspect i cant gain back, a feature that people mightve counted on me for. even worse sometimes, it can feel like im losing people.

so its easier to just ignore change. act like the love and the hate is the only thing that changes, not time. act like we, humans, control how long we have and how the world changes what we love.

but we don't, and we never will. the world will keep spinning and the people will keep changing against their will, against the beat of their hearts. but the fiction i keep reading

it keeps sayingt hat the love doesn't need to change anything. the love being there in the first place is a miracle, a gift, proof that we mean something and that our actions give us something. thte change was there and it made love if you even care.

'slay the princess' does a good job at taking just what i fear and placing it before me. how terrifying it is to be the one who changes, and how terrifying it is to see people change before you. but despite that everybody tried to work together. the love was there. the love was there and it told you to try and change something

then there's the love that transcends change. dragon maid be damned because kobayashi (human character) tells. uak. tells this teenage dragon character "i am. im lying to you. im trying to charm a chaos dragon with sweet lies" after the teenager tells her that she's just a human and she'll die and she's inferior and she's lying to her dragon girlfriend. i think its been a while my memory is shitty. and the girl didnt leave her side later on when she was in bed for a while. she knew that kobayashi was ignoring their differences, keeping it stacked away that theyd die at different times and i cant stop crying. the love was there and it told you that you dont have to change anything. the love was there and it told you that to be happy you have to ignore the change sometimes

amd TOHRU (kobayashi's gf) dont get me fucking started. her short monologue in the train ride back home about how kobayashi will die soon but shes just trying to enjoy what she has now. her conversation with her dad knowing she'd get hurt when kobayashi dies, following her near breakdown just thinking of kobayashi dying. the love was there and it told you to hold on and slow down, that the change is later, you don't have to be scared yet. it's okay, the love says, because it was there.

last but certainly not least dunmeshi. i know i usually bring up marcille here because i resonate with her but i want to bring up senshi and his backstory. like youre telling me he too feels guilty about his family (i know theyre not related to him shut the fuck up theyre family thats what family is) sacrificing for him but it gave him the inspiration and the courage to be who it was. the love was there and it changed me from the inside if you even care. the love was there and it changed me for the better. the love was there and it saved me

yeah im just crying now. the love was there. the love was there and it meant cooking and exploring and selling your desires to the nearest demon and it meant befriending people you'd outlive by a couple hundred years if you even care. the love was there and it made more love despite the change if you even care. the love was there the love was there im jfn,. :( THE LOVE WAS TEHRE. THE LOVE WAS THERE

the love was there and it made kobayashi risk her life for tohru. the love was there and it made laios, marcille and chilchuck risk their lives to kill the red dragon and get fain back. the love was there and it made toshiro wander deep without food to try and find someone who exhibited warmth. the love was there and it made laios and toshiro really become friends because the love was in us all all along wasn't it. the love wasn't because of change the change was love. what made us what changed us was love. what we all have that leads us forward, even in fiction. god i need a minute.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not talking to my sister?

we both currently live in the same house with our mother and youngest sister, who is in elementary. the sister i don't talk to is about two years younger than me. dont want to give exact ages but we are both early adults now. we haven't spoken in about six years, just small talk that is mostly just me giving her a message or asking if she wants something to eat.

now, i stopped talking to her because we got into a fight because i told her she could not hold my little sibling (at that time my mom was the only one working and i was the one caring for my three siblings, including the eldest who is disabled, and i was the only one who knew how to care for a baby.) and she told me basically to die. and a lot of her words were just stuff she was repeating from my mom who has like this weird thing against me since ive been young, never really knew why. she would yell at me in front of my siblings and still does sometimes, though not as much since shes older. anyway, i didnt speak to my sister for about two weeks because of that and also it was not the first time she spoke to me in such a hurtful way, until some family members noticed and scolded me for it being as i am her older sibling.

i didn't feel like what she said was right but eventually i realized i do love and care for her so i did try to make it up by walking her home from school and hugging her and buying her snacks from the gas station that was near our house at the time. but i guess my actions afected her and ever sense she had no interest in speaking with me, which my mother does still constantly blame me for.

i feel bad and i did try many times to fix things and even still currently although i know she doesnt care for me i do little things for her. but she doesnt want to talk and at this point i don't feel obligated to even want to keep trying to mend our relationship when she doesnt even care.

then recently things kind of went bad, which i won't go too much into detail about, but she ended up going to a mental hospital for a few days for running away and threatening to kill herself. and she made some comments about me to my mom saying that i didn't care about her and its my fault she did those things, which my mom agreed. then she came home after begging my mom to get her and pretended as if nothing happened. i soon found out from my eldest sib (who this sister is closer to) that she only did that in hopes that she could get somethign from my mom but idk what and why she even mentioned me because then some people came around asking me if i abused her or anything and why i didnt talk to her.

but it made me angry and hurt since i have been working to be a better sibling even in this awful household, ive been trying to treat my baby sibling better too so at least she knows she's loved and not alone. i am working and going to school while she (sibling i am not talking to) gets to sit at home. i get her gifts and she doesnt even thank me. i still love her even though she hates me so much, even though i know she was just manipulated by our mom to feel that way about me. and for her to say that after ive constantly tried to be there even when she didnt want me it just hurted.

now i am so tired and im preparing to leave the house because i cant do it anymore, although i would hate to leave my younger siblings with my mom. and i think i will give up trying to mend our relationship, because i thought she could change but its becoming to much and i cant be here. i know i should not have stopped speaking with her and i regret it, but i feel like my efforts over the years should be acknowledged too.

and i just need to know am i a bad person for feeling this way? should i even keep trying?

What are these acronyms?

[magnoliamyrrh]

tw: csa, abuse etc. feel free not to answer this, as i know its private!! i also have a very abusive family, i was sexually assaulted by my brother in law when i was 15/16 and he is still in the family. my stupid sister decided to go ahead and have another baby with him even after she knew lol so like. i just bid my time until i can tell everyone to fuck off. i dont have direct contact w him, but i have to deal w his stupid children when i visit my parents and my stupid ass sister. obviously my situation is way less dire than yours, but it already kills me inside. ik you mentioned in the past you were trafficked by a family member and was sexually abused by family too, so what im asking is if you still have contact w the person who did it? i got way better after i was able to put distance, but the fact that i know he is still around makes me sick. i wish i could just put a bullet on his head. i wish i could kill him. i wish i could run him over and set out a hit on him. i wish i could kill my fucking sister too, for being a useless piece of shit.

this is just some random info i hope you find funny in a dark sad way like i do. i cant be around my sister for long that it raises my blood pressure to the point i get nose bleeds that wont stop. my bp goes like 23 or 20/18 or something like that. crazy high. literally puts me under so much stress i am at risk of a fucking heart attack from being around her cunt ass.

hope u can run away from them and make your own life at some point. wishing you the best xoxo

hey anon!! tks again for sending the message and im truly sorry to hear abt what happened to you & the betrayal of your sister as well. its always horrible when women even moreso family members who should care about you choose to protect predatory and shit men over u 😵‍💫 happens way too often and you have every right to be angry af at her bc its disgusting and selfish enabling behavior. hope karma is gonna hit them soon and youll get to witness it all lol ,,,, and girl 😭 u gotta be Careful i dont want u to die of a heart attack like this it aint worth it 🤣😭😭 but i getchu!! the sorta stress from this shit can take a Hugeee toll on ur body tbh i think thats why i feel so exhausted too all the time lately its the stress and physical toll of flashbacks and shit

to answer ur question it was my bio dad and for the most part i aint got contact w him no more. we're in two different countries now which helps for sure but when i go back to my birth country its almost always an issue when it comes to seeing him. he used to show up uninvited or my family would force him around and shit. but uh then for some years tho not too many that stopped happening but at the end of last year i had to see him because i wanted to see my grand geandmother who was sick and potentially dying and he was there. i chose to put up with it because i would have regretted not seeing her more. the whole thing was,,,, A Lot and exhausting and triggering and since then ive kinda been in the trauma trenches again 🤷‍♀️ being around him for that long for the first time in years definetely set sometimes off. but. yea. its hard. its hard to avoid because of that and i probably wont feel truly free from it until the day when he fucking croaks ://// which i keep waiting for. and rn i live w my mom and bio dad which isnt fantastic either bc we have a rough history too tho nothing to the same degree, its just another thing that stresses me out tho and that i wanna get away from

tks for the message girl again i appreciate uuu <3 and it does make me feel better to know someone also feels similar even tho i wish u had never been through this. take care of urself ok!!! one day were both gonna get out and we wont have to b around ppl who traumatized us anymore and well b able to breathe!!!!

[alexanders-pokemon-adventure]

A little rain in every life must fall

Trigger warning themes of depression and themes suicidal

Derek Dagda

In the hospital Alexander was being cared for at Derek sat in a Secluded hallway and thought. Sera tarot reading had no been a clear and undeniable sign that they would succeed he wonted and alexander continuing to worse state was … deeply apparent to derek. Alex is wasting, derek could feel it . Sense a steady waning in for lack of any other Terminologies Alexander’s life force , knew sera and the professor could feel it to in their own strange way as Well. Derek Understood undeniably that the situation was bad but A selfish and unreasonable part of himself felt resentful of Alexander’s family for coming. Their large family have been coming in shifts for the last week. Derek felt it was like they were saying goodbye like they were saying it was already over. it made some Incoherent raging part him want to scream “ ALEX IS NOT DEAD WHY ARE YOU CRYING LIKE ITS OVER , WHY ARE YOU CROUNDING THEM , ALEX DOSENT LIKE BEEING CROWDED”

But…he wouldn’t .Maybe 19 year old Derek Fresh out Of their apprenticeship and angry would have but 28 year old Derek would not. It was the truth that alexander may die soon and their family has the right to be here .

“Needed some space ?” Sera ask as she leaned against next to him

Derek side and nodded”yes , I wanted to think”

“ anything specific” she prodded

“ I don’t know” and A soft sigh was all Derek could muster , there was so much to think about. Their plan to help Alex was still painfully theoretical, Victoria, we’re still out there doing gods know what, alexander’s family had questions that none of them seem to be able to answer satisfactory and then their was Nimbus alexander’s Castform that while they had not been rendered comatose in the greenhouse incident had clearly suffered some kind of damage to their cohesive energy matrix that remained abnormal even weeks after the fact . And then there was. Sara didn’t allow him to finish the thought

“ thinking about the card, Derek ?” Sera asked handing him the The seven of cups

her uncanny ability to hit the nail directly on the head was some thing that used to shock Derek. But after a few years of being friends, with a psychic, the novelty of such things, begins to wear off.

“ it didn’t go unnoticed by me that your face Took the place of the oracle or the lover “ she said “ so i know you two have been a thing for a while bbuuuut I’ve noticed you two have never made it official ?” She said more as a question. Than a statement

“Hmm have you now , didn’t you also say that the images might not be literal , that they may just represent alex imagining the future, not the actual future” derek was deflecting . And he knew it .

“ your going to make me ask, aren’t you” sera said as a statement

“ Someone less nosy wouldn’t ask at all” Derek responded also as a statement

“ Well, Alex and I are best friends and you and I have been friends for the better part of a decade. Also, I’m psychic nosiness comes Prepackaged with all my relationships, unfortunately . So im asking why Aren’t you and alex together ?”sera said

Derek knew the answer “ because alexander doesn’t want to, I’ve asked they said no “ . Sera seam Genuinely shocked by that answer “ they said no ?”

“Not in so many words but it wasn’t yes , Sera “ derek answered “ i dont think alex want that kind of “ he paused Searching for the right words “ i dont think Alexander want a serious romantic relationships anymore ,not after Antonio”

Sera was Silent for a long moment after that and derek wondered if she too remembered the day the Titan slayer killed alexander Five closest friends, and lover , Remember, the weeks that followed when she literally found Alex on the ledge of the starlight tower ready to jump. How when we and their family got them to the Mental health facility ,alex looked so hallow ,so lifeless. Derek knew alexander treatment at that Facility had help them grieve and work through the pain and trauma. help them decide they no longer needed and it was no longer healthy for them to be a Ranger. That it help Bring them to a place where they can feel joy again…but

“ i dont think after Antonio died and Alex stated getting better that they want that kind of relationship again”

“Hmm i had hoped that after four years , that after all this time … that maybe you two would be able to make it work “ sera said

Derek knew because it was sera that her comment was not meant to hurt him or question his Resolve but an actual hope for his and Alex’s happiness. After all, she was one of the few who knew that before there was an Alexander and Antonio, there had almost been a Derek and Alex. But that was along time ago What they had been then in their ranger Apprenticeship days was in the past No matter how much Derek wished it could be his and Alex’s future. Alex would have to want it to and he did not believe Alex Did.

“ you don’t think Alex doesn’t want to because of Antonio do you? . Alex has know that Antonio would’ve wanted them to be happy and to find someone else?” Sera ask

“ I dont know Sera, i think they know logically that Antonio only ever wanted them to be happy . But knowing in your mind and knowing in your heart are not the same thing . Besides alex may just not want or Prioritize that aspect of their life anymore poeple change “ derek said

Sera and Derek stayed silent for long moments in that quit hallway

“Derek i don’t think your face being on the Seven of cups was a coincidence , just like I’m certain our presence on the five of wands wasn’t one . I think your presence in alexander life acts as a nexus of possibilities just like all the other symbols on that card you draw them towards different paths. I think you should tell them when they wake how you feel and what you want and even if alex says no at lest you both will have your Answers and will be able to make choices from there.”

“ but what if they say no?” Derek ask a hint of desperation in his voice

“ then you’ll know alex cant give you what you want and if they cant , you deserve more than an Unfulfilling Situationship with your best friend of over a decade Derek. It’ll suck for a while but it will pass and you both will be better for it.

Derek thought it was terrible to hear unasked for advice that was completely correct , but what did he expect being friends with a Nosy psychic.

[soupdeewoop]

Favorite lines from “The Secret of Us” 🌸

crossed lines, past lives, clear vision

held my breath for your reaction like the first time that we happened

we were fightin’ more than laughin’, black and blue, mm

fell hard then i lost your interest

all my friends they tried to stop me wanting you but i was never meant to listen, not until i found a reason

felt good about you til i didn't you felt nice for a bad decision felt good about you felt good about you

really got me thinkin, future plannin’ for no reason there were nights i skipped out sleepin’ cause of you and i had less than half of somethin’ what you gave was what i wanted til i realized i felt fuller without you

felt good about you til i didn't i felt good about you

look at me now said i wouldn't do it, but i hunted you down

you can just talk, and i'll stare at your mouth it could be bad, but i wanna find out

and i feel like i could die cause you're not here

god, im jumping in the deep end its more fun to swim in heard the risk is drownin’, but i'm gonna take it i'm gonna take it

isn't it fun? thinking im right when i'm probably wrong

you cant even speak but i think that its sweet yeah, i think that you're sweet

with the light on and you're not here

god, i'm actually invested haven't even met him

classic

i'm gonna bend ‘til i break  i wish you could hold me here, shakin’

why aren't you here in my bedroom? hopelessly boring without you

too soon to tell you "i love you" too soon to tell you "i love you"

wish that i was kidding i'm not, and i hate it

you're the risk, i'm gonna take it

i cut the rope and you fell from the tower i let it go for my peace of mind bit the bullet, it didn't hurt but i still hate the image of you kissing her chalk it up to "its all for the better"

are your conversations cool, like are you even interested? i know what you are, brighter than the stars tell me if she takes you far far enough away from all the baggage you've been carrying up another hill to all the girls who'll help you bury it they're just blowing smoke, i'll say what they won’t i know everything they don't

i sleep alone, im completely fine

if she's got a pulse, she meets your standards now? you feel nothing and yet you still let her

but i bet you're at her place right now you couldn't point her out in any crowd

and i find your books pretentious now at the time they'd fed the fantasy i was so impressed at your hotel took a drag and read aloud to me

and i bet you think about me now when you should be sleeping

and i know, i know, i know, i know and i know, i know, i (hey, hey, hey, hey) and i know, i know, i know, i know and i know, i (hey, hey, hey, hey) and i know, i know, i know, i know and i know, i know, i (hey, hey, hey) and i know, i know, i know, i know and i know, i

two augusts ago i told the truth, oh, but you didn't like it, you went home

i like to slam doors closed trust me, i know its always about me

two summers from now well have been talking, but not all that often, were cool now i'll be on a boat, you're on a plane going somewhere sane

and i'll have a drink wistfully lean out my window and watch the sun set on the lake it might not feel real, but it's okay, mh

cause that's just the way life goes i push my luck, it shows thankful you don't send someone to kill me

you were the best but you were the worst as sick as it sounds, i loved you first i was a dick, it is what it is a habit to kick, the age-old curse i tend to laugh whenever im sad stare at the crash, it actually works making amends, this shit never ends im wrong again, wrong again

the way life goes joyriding down our road lay on the horn to prove that it haunts me

hope that i don't, won't make it about me  i love you, im sorry

it felt just like a joke im sure you dont know were talkin’

i know your ghost i see her through the smoke

and if history’s clear, someone always ends up in ruins and what seemed like fate becomes "what the hell was i doin'?"

babylon lovers hangin’, lifetimes on a vine do you miss mine?

wonder if you regret the secret of us, us

it felt like somethin’ holy like souls pleadin, so it felt like what i've known you're twenty-nine years old so how can you be cold when i open my home?

give it ten months and you'll be past it (you'll be past it)

that night you were talkin’ false prophets and profits they makin’ the margins of poetry sonnets you never read upon it

the curse of a miracle, curse of an oracle youre incomparable, fuck it was chemical you (you) plus (plus) me (me) was

mistaken for strangers, no way in us, us the pain of the rain of the fain of us, us

the outline, well, sometimes do you miss us, us? (us, us, us) the best kind, well, sometimes do you miss us?

no, i know i'm a walking contradiction and it shows

and i've never craved someone's attention as much as yours, thought i should mention that

 i bet all my money that i will lose to you and hand you my life

dont love you yet, but probably will turn me into something tragic just for you, i let it happen

i lack context so i've made up all these lies it's the only thing that helps me sleep at night

and now i'm looking in the mirror you made me vain, i can't believe i have to be heard

here's to hoping you're worth all my time (ah, ah) i might barely know you, but still

you've turned all my skies to pouring rain locked me out the house again is this how you see me now? im reeling and i might break the windows, let myself back in lost it for a minute there get my shit together, its whatever, but i could die knowing that you're probably out somewhere while i'm in my underwear eating through my feelings, i'm still reeling, but its fin oh, thank god that you're not seeing this i'll spare you from everything if you would still have me, i'll be waiting all my life oh-oh

whatever, i let it happen whatever, i let it happen whatever, i let it happen i let it happen

i took a train to boston and i wanted to cry

i'll date for like a summer and i'll leave when i'm bored this train is full of strangers but i might like him more

when i left him there to feel it couldn't guess when i'd be leavin' for

no chance i waste my twenties on random men not one of them is cooler than all my friends

i feel like i'm home, there's a bar down the road i'm wasted with the sister of a boy that i met through someone back in college, she's a weird intellect she liked to tell the truth and she was harsh but direct her boyfriends all left, she had that effect

but that's just tough love and you're lucky to receive it, right?

i guess it's always funny until it's not

no, i'm not gonna miss the way he'd kick me in my bed while sleepin'

and i'm not gonna miss his old inflated ego, shallow thinking and i'm not gonna miss denying that i got my own damn reasons

not one of them is tougher than all my friends and i hate to leave him bleedin' but i know, know what i'm leavin' for

i swear to god, i haven't thought of you in ages

i understand, i changed your plans, i had to, baby

and i think that you earnestly have waited on apologies but i can't pretend that i'm sorry when i'm not sorry

so aren't you sad about the fact that you can't write me? i cheered the loudest for you when you won your trophies

and don't you feel alone at night or sorta kinda daily?

and we don't even know each other now and i'd blow all my plans if you'd meet me out

we could talk, we could get it, we could both calm down down (down, down)

it all changed for me and i told you (down) (down, down) you had the wrong idea about me (down) (down, down) and all i ever did was consider you (down) (down, down) until all i could do was consider me (down)

you don't know how to step outside yourself

you really thought you would get what you wanted (down) down, (down) down (down) down, (down) down 

you were the shoreline you were the crash and now i break

gave you i, gave you i, gave you i, gave you i

am i what you wanted? was i self-appointed?

all of my dark blue covered it for you but i'm just so embarrassed now

and you did all that i wouldn't do, erasing lines around us i held my head, i used to hold you, but now i'll walk around us and i can't lie and claim confused when i know just what happened you got bored, and i felt used, now i'm all sad about it

would it have killed you to explain that you weren't ready?

and, still, i gave you i, gave you i gave you i

my honest commitment i sat and listened i was your floorboard, holding it down

and could you not deny the truth? 'cause i know just what happened you got bored, and i felt used, now i'm all sad about it

when did you slip through my fingers, did i ever have you? was i just a placeholder to fill the hole inside you?

i held my head, i used to hold you but now i'll walk around us

and i won't lie and claim confused when i know just what happened

oh, you got bored, and i felt used, now i'm so sad about it

it's a normal thing to fall in love with movie stars when the lights are low and red at all their favorite bars

and the plotline was rare, swear i felt you right there maybe that was the beginning of our love affair

 did my pacing and reeling i even think it looked cute at times i know there's more than that feeling i didn't know it for most my life

you were great, what a show, but i don't recommend getting close, that's how it goes but i'll see you again

couldn't you go quiet? no one noticed, i did but i notice everything, so you're not different

i practice speeches in private i was impressed with my every line i think we call that performing that's not how i want to spend my life

getting close, should have known but i'll see you again

and you changed my life, but i guess i'll see ya 'cause it's over now, so i guess i'll see ya

he made you live out that nightmare and you nearly lost it you made a joke and you watched it go over his head

good luck, charlie i hope you're happy this isn't what you wanted you know that it's her or nothin'

you can go home at night and you might really not need her but you feel her everywhere, she is the love of your life

now it all comes down to you

good luck, charlie i hope you're happy

you openly admit you're far away from healing and i hate to pull the plug but i think i get your deal

you're the saddest, but a good kid almost loved you, but i didn't i could laugh now, how we tried to play those parts

and it's half of you that hurts sometimes, the half that i don't get i swear that i'm not mad at you, but i can't share your bed now

that you blew up on a tuesday how does pain taste when it melts into your tongue?

it's a pain that i caught you at a bad time it's a shame that i memorized your outline you were straight up with me, you were so kind but i knew what you knew, honey, great minds it was harsh 'cause i lost what i wanted i was brave when i kissed you in london we're collateral here, man, we got hit hope you find somewhere safe for your baggage every page that i wrote, you were on it feel you deep in my bones, you're the current and i showed no restraint, it was something i was scared until you made me love it

chances are i'll be here, we could share a lifeline if you feel like fallin', catch me on the way down

never been less empty, all i feel is free now

smoky, dark, crowded room, i need nothing under pink light in june (ah-ah-ah)

i burn for you and you don't even know my name if you asked me to i'd give up everything

break my heart and start a fire, you got me overnight

(just let me be) oh, close to you, close to you, close to you

you pull me in and touch my neck, and now i'm dying

you should be mine for life, i'll be signing every dotted line (ah-ah-ah)

chemical override, ultraviolet you could be mine tonight

pull the trigger on the gun i gave you when we met i wanna be close to you

just let me be close to you, close to you, close to you

[furballfaggot]

miitopia: yayyy your party member got their face back :) now they quip a bit and go to an inn yay hooray

me (The Thinker): how does a returning character react to the 2 unrecognized party members that just so happen to be coming along to replace the 2 that got separated from us by the cave in when they knew everyone so well before and also this is after nearly killing said party members against their will. when the cerberus was defeated how did the 3 rescued faces do with mingling with the rest of the party when so many things had changed for just about everyone but them since then. how do you possibly cope with being an angel, having your face stuck on a nigh-inherently evil monster, having to share your new unwieldy body with a From Hell demon (bad) (do not communicate) (you will be shunned and outcast and dishonored) (get away as soon as possible), then once youre saved you have to grapple with the facts that 1 you have to be in the same party as the thing thats going to destroy your entire life simply by existing (awful) (your god might as well be writing up your eviction notice right now) and 2 youre actually enjoying his company (possible????) (this sucks) (it doesnt matter how nice he is this suuuucks) (you might as well just die dude this sucks so bad) ON TOP OF your gradually increasing worry that the "god" that sent you here may have never existed or worse was simply a facade crafted to make you feel better about this mission while obscuring the truth of your worldview being entirely wrong. i dont think this is what the devs envisioned when they made this game

[canonizzyhours]

Re: #49, #53, and probably a lot more.

Making Izzys Development Less of a Shock:

Izzy is protective of his crew and he doesn't see the Revenge crew as his until season 2. When Jim and Frenchie are crew, he protects them as well. I dont think he had a redemption arc, that shift mixed with the "bottle it up" logic of characters like Frenchie and the "we dont get apologies" logic of characters like Archie means they were comfortable enough with him to trauma bond.

Revenge Crew: when asked in s1 ep 4, Izzy tells Ed the plan is to treat the Revenge crew like every other ship they have taken by making them fix the ship and then killing them. He also tells the crew they dont get food when they have been invaded. So from his pov this is a normal day with normal-ish captives. We are never given reason to believe Ed ever tells him otherwise.

Blackbeard Crew: Our only look into how the Blackbeard crew see him comes from Fang and Ivan. In s1 ep2, we hear Ivan tell Fang he should tell Izzy he doesnt like it when Izzy pulls his beard, implying Ivan at least thinks that would be safe to do and maybe even result in it not happening again. In ep 4, Izzy is yelling at Ed about the 7 men they lost saving Stede. In ep5, we see Fang panic when he thinks Ed is about to catch him slacking off and letting Lucius sketch him, but when he finds out its Izzy he relaxes. In ep6, they both go to Izzy to question why they havent followed protocol and killed everyone yet. This shows a fairly open relationship with their first mate. From what we see, they are comfortable being honest with him and trust him enough to question plans.

He is a dick when he takes over as captain, but the tasks he has the Revenge crew doing seem to be sailing related and we dont see him punish anyone until Wee John disrespects him. Was it good and was he right? No. But the punishment isnt violent, he seems to be trying to force them into being "proper" pirates. Then he strands them on that island, but they were rescued and after seeing the trauma crew I'm guessing they were less angry about being stranded. It's also possible they blame Ed for that.

In season 2, Izzy is back to being the go between for Ed and the BB crew. Jim and Frenchie are part of his crew now and he isnt pretending to be captain, so hes less of a dick and more of a buffer from Blackbeard. They have noticed that Ed is taking his toes, but they all seem relatively unharmed physically, creating the beginnings of a trauma bond. They also feel comfortable enough with him to question orders. Then when Ed starts pointing a gun at them, Izzy says something to get the gun pointed at himself instead of them or Ed himself. Jim's "hes our dick" explanation also implies they know everything is better when the crew cares about eachother.

As soon as Izzy is seemingly out of the picture, Ed does everything he can to ensure they will all die in that storm. And tries to make Jim and Archie to fight to the death. But Izzy steps in again and stops Ed. This would strengthen the trauma bond even more.

From what I can tell, Jim, Frenchie, Archie, and Fang and also Lucius have been through to much to be bothered by someone being a dick. Lucius can still be snarky, but he has bigger problems. The BB crew watched Izzy take a bullet and get toes cut off voluntarily and continue to stand between them and Blackbeard.

The rest of the Revenge crew either have someone they love on that ship or, frankly, dont really care about Izzy. And Izzy hits rock bottom and accepts that this is his new crew, theoretically resulting in him treating them a bit better.

I assume the New Unicorn note is the BB crews idea. The rest just want the trauma group to calm down a bit so I can see them agreeing to any team building activity if it helps the others build trust again. When we see the leg being made Jim is covered in gold paint, Fang and Frenchie are putting the last nail in.

TLDR: you dont see a redemption arc because he didnt get one. It's just the perfect storm of him being slightly less of a dick, a few key characters trauma bonding with him, and the rest not really caring about him or getting screen time. From his side they are crew now so hes less of a dick.

I'm sorry if this reads like headcanons, I tried to put episodes in to explain but it's all from my memory and it is very late. I hope it helps make the beginning of s2 less of a shock for someone.

#59.

related posts: #53, #49

[everest81]

I'm sorry for posting tnis. I'm sorry for what I've done. I'm sorry for being born . I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for what I've contributed to. Fhis feels horrible.vimsorru. I'm sorry.v you can kill me or Iccan do it for you. Thesevare probably talking points for some vile group I don't know about . I'm fucking gloryfting bty venting. I'm sorry.vwevall know. Everybody does I'm not sure why I'm do ing this vImtired. I'm cranky. I'll be all fine during the morning and all thisll do is cause other people to accidentally become miserable. I'm sorry. I'm hiding this.

How the fuck do I phrase this. I have no clue.

I feel like I'm getting bullied via recommendations. I go onto Bluesk- NOTHING BUT POLOTICS and racism in the government. I go to faceboo- NOTHING BUT ADS AND REELS. I go to Tumbl- NOTHING BUT PEOPLE VENTING ABOUT SHIT THAT INADVERTENTLY THROWS (accidental) SHADE AT ME.

Like

Please

Tonight's bringing a sort of "I wanna go to bed" to my "I can't go to bed" scrolling. I'm the fucking bad guy. I'm sorry. I'm not specifying anything because I know for a fact I'm gonna come off as something I'm desperately trying not to come off as in any of my posts.

I remember telling someone that thought think the Internet was supposed to be used to be vocal or some shit but goddamn now that I'm back in that mode the advice doesn't do shit. I'm deleting the post. I'm gonna delete this tomorrow. I feel fucking horrible.

I'm pouting about being butthurt about how I'm desperately trying to not come off as guilt trippy by guilt tripping. This is ironic in a horrible sense.vim not posting this

Ihatethis

I wanna go to bed

I wanna get off my phone

Wanna do this wanna do that

But I fucking can't. I'm gonna be sitting there incmy own filth complaining and pouting about the situation I put myself in.ijmcgonna fucking do it at some point.vi swear to whatever's out there.vim fucking doing it and I'm gonna do it soon. This is fucking pathetic. I'm not venting verbally, I'm not crying, I'm staring stone-faced at my phone while typing and texting into the void. There's memes and sketches and scenes about this.vwhere I'm the joke. I'm a horrible fucking person. I can't complain about any of what I'm upset about either because ill just contribute to other people's problems and piints. I'm the living breathing example of the concept of The Majority. The only thing going for me is that I'm pansexual and have hard switches between being a fucking degenerative pervert and a prude . I'm making people's lives worse by doing this. Even if it's just a bit.vim guilt tripping. This isn't a vent.vimgducking killing myself one day I swear to fucking whatevervcouldvor courldnt be out there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone and everything. I don't know what to do. Every single pathway can't be villanized because it is the villain. I don't know what I'm supposed to do .I have ever ringhing better off. Why am I pouting I shouldn't be fucking acting like a spoiled brat I'm sorry I just wanna go the fuck to bed and go home and kill myself this isn't dfucking worth it I ve never self harmed before I've never attempted I've never done drugs can you just beat the shit out of me and leave me here I wanna go home but I'm already inside of it and I don't even have the Changce to do anything I have no money to contribute to bills i have no special talents everything I touch tunernsd fucking duscusting I feel weird in my stomach I can't just be normal about this why am I not showing anything I'm being spoiled and I'm still not content I'm too lazy to figure out how to help myself to anything more than seconds I m the living example of a fucking villainv an antagonis t I wanna die and sleep and go home and eat all at once why am I so fuckin g fat and greedy cmehy can't I just sit down and enjoy myself I'm being a fucking vurdencahain beplease dont interactveirhmthisinbeggingvyoy it's only gonnna feedvacfucking ego and that's all it'll ever do I'm killing myself and I'll just make everything worse can I just put the fuckin phone downfgkfjfjfjfndsjkndnnvnvmkrjf I can't even typo because I'm being fucking funny and laughing I can't just be sad morally because fweiting wrinting property is just proof this isn't henuine this is so fucking long. Can I just shut the fuck up. Just stop talking. Just shut my goddamn mouth. Fucking shut up fuckoff and die. That's what I need to do that s whatrrlle make this all better.vill fucki bvddlete this I'm sorry. I'm sorry for doing this to you. I don't know who this is gonna reach but it better be no one and if it isn't them I'm sorry m inm sorry I broke your happy streak.vthus is exactly what began my fucking spiral. I'm spreading a plague