#“holy hell this kid is creepy”

[lollystocks]

The New Kid

Ectoberhaunt 2023 Day 3: White Crow

Summary: Danny continues to mind his own business whist freaking out everyone around him with his mere existence.

A short "Cryptid Danny" fic, with a twist.

Words: 509

CW: mild horror, mild body horror

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"White Crow": a member of a group who is different from the rest. Elaya vorona (бе́лая воро́на) in Russian, kalāg-e sefīd (کلاغ سفید) in Persian. Similar to English's "Black Sheep".

---

The New Kid was exceptionally unnerving.

Friendly enough, if one got the chance to talk to him - which was kinda rare. He was territorial and kept to himself which, fair enough. But he never really seemed interested in getting to know anyone.

But despite being, on the surface, a pretty normal New Kid, there was something very wrong with him.

No-one could put their fingers on it at first. And no-one liked to talk about it. Because how could you talk about…that?

His eyes, for one. A nice, normal, luminous green for the most part. But when he was tired, or distracted, they would… they’d dull. Lose all traces of light, and just go empty. They’d flicker back on as soon as you’d caught it, and one might chalk it up to a trick of the light. He’d smile a normal smile, and you’d forget you’d seen anything. Or maybe, try to forget.

His teeth, too. A perfectly average maw of razor-sharp fangs. But he covered his mouth with his hand when he smiled or laughed. If one looked beyond that, they might see - or rather, sense - a jaw of blunt, flat, incisors and molars. Prey’s teeth. Mortal teeth.

But prey shouldn’t fill you with such discomfort. Should it?

He was probably just developing his shapeshifting skills early. That was probably it.

Youngblood swore he’d seen him drift through a wall, once. In the Ghost Zone.

Youngblood was hardly a reputable news source.

All the same.

Then, then, there was his voice. How sometimes (always when he was tired or injured or distracted) he’d talk and his voice would just… dampen. Vanish into nothingness. No echo, or reverberation through the ectoplasm around him. Nothing to carry his words through to other ghosts. And, once, again, everything would reset, and he’d be a normal ghost.

There was a theme - moments of flatness, dullness, of disconnect. Moments of mortality.

The worst one was when he would breathe. He wouldn’t even hide it. After a territorial spar (which he took way too seriously) he’d float there, victorious, and his chest would expand and retract like some wet, dying thing. Bodies weren’t meant to move like that. Not after death.

And it wouldn’t be so bad if he was weak.

Freaks came and went. There was enough variety amongst ghostkind that any one, or even multiple of these things, could be brushed off.

But the New Kid was strong. Stronger than any of them. He’d been around for no time at all and defeated every one of them in combat, even the strongest of them. His abilities were coming in fast, too fast, and he had too many. No ghost should have a portfolio that large, and know how to use their new powers so well.

He got better with every fight. 

They were training him, without realizing. Feeding him.

But there’s the rub. To back off, to withhold from indulging in one’s Earthly Obsession, to bow to his obscenely large territory? The thought alone was obscene.

And what would be the repercussions?

[star-girl69]

protective clarisse save me ANWAYSSSS enjoy

*mentions of clarisse picking reader up and carrying her around

PLEASE ignore the fact i forgot ambrosia existed thanks 🙏🙏 yk i just be saying stuff

it starts out like any capture the flag game

except for the fact you’re on different teams

like in so it goes when clar tells y/n “don’t do anything i wouldn’t do”

everyone once in a while the teams switch up

and clarisse has a really hard time when you’re not on the same team, but she can usually function

she’s worried out of her mind obvi

we all know you’re her achilles heel

but for some reason this time clarisse just has a really bad feeling

she’ll probably threaten everyone on her team- if they so much as LOOK at you in the wrong way she’s going to make their lives a literal hell

and everyone is like ok scary lady 🫡

they all know clarisse don’t play about you

so the game is going pretty normal

you’re just doing your thing and clarisse is hunting around you

it’s really funny because you and a few of your siblings are just fighting whoever makes their way to you

and you win every time

bc clarisse is still letting you win 😭😭😭😭

the good members of her team get told to turn around

and then she lets the weaker ones, the stragglers she doesn’t care about, pass through and then smiles when you cheer after winning even tho she can’t see you

you feel her eyes on you tho sometimes it’s kinda creepy

but basically annabeth and the blue team had set up these trenches in random parts of the wood

they were lined with like a bunch of leaves and spare linens so they were soft at the bottom

but someone 🙄🙄🙄 ugh

forgot to soften up one of them and that’s the one you fall into

she hears you scream and she’s like WOAH HOLY FUCK

running through the woods you’re crying at the bottom of this 6 ft deep hole your siblings are screaming

like she literally throws herself to the ground and drags you out of the pit pure adrenaline

and like she could tell just by your screams and the look on your face that you were HURT HURT

but she knows you need her rn so she pulls you into her lap and asks what hurts

and you can’t even speak you’re in so much pain but you gesture to your leg and maybe clarisse just didn’t want to notice it before but like that bitch is BROKEN

she’s literally shaking

“it’s okay it’s okay baby it’s okay someone is gonna go get a healer right? SOMEONE IS GOING TO GO GET A HEALER, RIGHT?”

*cue like 10 random campers all running off*

and you’re screaming and crying and your siblings are freaking out so the game kinda stops bc everyone is like what happened 😭

then they just walk into this clearing and see you pale and crying and leg obviously broken, sitting in a shaking clarisse’s lap

one of her siblings definitely has to come over and subtly say that she’s like doing a good job LMAO

bc she is STRUGGLING

like she’s never been so scared in her life

her heart is pounding her hands are shaking

but for the first time in her life she’s not really angry right now

she’s just fucking terrified

and she HATES it

she’s stroking your hair and has her arm wrapped around your waist so tight

she tells you “just dig your nails into my arm”

and you can’t even comprehend what’s going on so she grabs your hands and let’s you squeeze so hard she swears her fingers come out a little crooked

FINALLY some apollo kids come over with a stretcher

so then she starts yelling at them “BE GENTLER SHES HURT DUMBFUCKS”

then finally after clarisse’s incessant screaming she holds your hand as they take you back to the healers

then 20 minutes later they reset your leg and put it in a little cast and give you some AMAZING painkillers

so you’re like omg

clarisse is like pale and sweaty and her heartbeat is so erratic one of the healers actually has to come over and be like “maybe you should sit down and get checked out..?”

she starts screaming at them

then you’re like “omg no my saviors are fighting ☹️☹️☹️☹️”

“no no i’m sorry i didn’t mean to make you sad it’s fine it’s fine we’re not fighting”

“yay!!!!!!!”

she has to lay down in your bed and take some really deep breaths in order to calm down

and you’re just happy bc you are floating and you have your gf with you

you’re babbling on about something and clarisse is like wtf is happening to me

but also she’s acting like you just died

holding your head to her chest and staring off into the distance like that one painting of ivan the terrible holding his dead son y’all know

and you’re just happy

she’s kissing all over your face and head and telling you about how she’s gonna help you

“i’ll carry you whenever you don’t feel like using your crutches, i’ll make sure you take all your medicine, i’ll find and kill whoever did this to you, i’ll sleep with you every night just in case, and i won’t let you out of my sight ever again, and i’ll make chiron switch the teams back”

she ends up doing all of those things obvi

she annoys chiron so much he makes a permanent rule that the ares and your cabin always have to be on the same team

clarisse becomes 10x worse in terms of protectiveness

like she’s watching you like a HAWK

she just felt so totally helpless in that moment so unprepared and she never wants to feel like that again

she doesn’t think her heart can take it actually 😭

she does find the person and loses dessert privileges for 5 months for what she did!!!!!

she sleeps with you ever night bc the meds make you sleep restlessly and she’s always there to whisper in your ear and lull you back to sleep

even if you’re like oh i can just use my crutches she’s always staring at the ground like it’s a monster that’s gonna hurt you so she’s like

“hm well i don’t think so actually haha just let me carry you”

“I WANT TO WALK CLARISSE”

*picking you up* “no it’s fine this is safest”

“LET ME DOWN”

basically you’re just the love of her life and she can’t imagine something else happening to you

[darlingdaisyfarm]

to the past, with love (and glitter!)

★ mullet!stan & dipper & mabel. based on the episode “the time traveler’s pig” (s1ep9)

there are a lot of ways to mess up time travel! you can, for example, go too far back and get eaten by a dinosaur. or too far forward and see the singularity when robots overthrow humanity (Dipper’s fear). or worse, you can land smack dab in the middle of your own grunkle’s life. . . before he even became your grunkle

there were a lot of things Dipper was prepared for when he woke up this morning. fighting gnomes? sure. dealing with Stan’s weird scam-of-the-week? totally. getting dunked on by Mabel for being a huge nerd? unfortunately, yes.

what he wasn't prepared for was that the Blending Blanding's time machine would throw him back several decades into the past. . .

they don’t mean to mess up the timeline. well. Dipper doesn’t. Mabel is like 60% on board with it, because time travel is fun! and she’s already accepted the fact that messing with the past is basically inevitable

“well,” Mabel said, dusting herself off as she stood up. “that happened.”

Dipper groaned, pulling himself out of a pile of garbage bags. “yeah. thanks, Mabel, for tackling me while i was holding the most fragile piece of technology in the universe!”

“excuse you, i was trying to stop you! so really, this is all on you, mister i-think-i’m-so-smart!”

Dipper opened his mouth to argue, but then he actually looked around and— oh. oh, no! oh no no no no! this wasn’t the Gravity Falls they knew.

they were near the Mystery Shack, but. . . it didn't felt right at all. it was scrappier and messier than usual. instead of looking like a wildly successful tourist trap, it looked like someone had just slapped a sign onto a creepy old house and hoped for the best

Mabel popped up beside him, a grin splitting her face. “let’s do it again!” as she tried to steal time machine from her brother's hands

“do what again?” a gruff voice barked. before either of them could panic properly, the shack’s front door slammed open.

Dipper had exactly 0.5 seconds to process this before Mabel screamed an excited. “OH. MY. GLOB.” before clutching on Dipper's shoulders, shaking him like crazy. “DIPPER, LOOK AT HIS HAIR. LOOK AT HIS HAIR RIGHT NOW. LOOK AT IT.”

Dipper did not, in fact, needed to look at it. his brain was already in overdrive because oh no. oh no! they’ve gone way too far back!

“. . . oh boy,” Dipper whispered in fear. “Mabel, i think we just traveled back to the eighties.”

“hey! who the hell are you two and why are you screaming on my porch?” holy crap. their grunkle Stan! but. . . not. this Stan was younger, his face had fewer wrinkles and somehow his nose looked less like it had been broken five times, and oh god, Mabel is absolutely right, his hair!

Mabel was losing it. “YOUR HAIR. YOUR LUXURIOUS, BEAUTIFUL HAIR. CAN I TOUCH IT?!” and without Stanley's response, she lunged.

“Mabel, NO—“ but it was too late as she grabbed the mullet with both hands and started petting it.

“oh my GOSH, it’s SO SOFT. IT’S LIKE PETTING A DREAM.”

Dipper, ever the voice of reason, nervously gripped the time machine. “we shouldn’t be here, we shouldn’t be here.” but before he could get it working, because of squeezing on it too tight, something snapped under his fingers and a very small, very important piece of the machine rolled right into a crack in the floorboards. Dipper panicked.

Stanley flailed backwards, nearly knocking over a rack of off-brand Mystery Shack merch. “HEY, HEY, HANDS OFF THE GOODS, KID! KID!”

Mabel ignored him, still enraptured. “it’s so full-bodied. so wavy. Dipper, this is like- this is like a perfectly made pancake, but made of hair!”

“i— i don’t even know what that means,” Dipper said weakly, still trying to reboot his brain from the horror of whatever this situation was.

Stan rubbed his temples. “listen, unless you two are here to buy something, get lost. i don’t do babysitting.”

“okay, first of all, rude,” Mabel huffed, putting her hands on her hips. “second of all, we are time travelers from the future! we can totally tell you your future! in fact,” she elbowed Dipper in the ribs making him groan in pain. “bro, tell him something cool! but not anything that’ll mess up the timeline, like the butterfly effect or whatever.”

“Mabel, literally everything we could say would mess up the timeline—“

Stan stared at them meanwhile. then he burst out laughing. “pffft— HA! oh, man. time travelers? that’s a new one. that’s some grade-A sci-fi geek nonsense right there. sixer would have loved it!” he wiped a tear from his eye. “you kids crack me up.”

“just tell him something small! like, um, he gets. . . even richer in the future!” Mabel threw up her hands in excitement.

Stan immediately perked up. “oh yeah?”

“uhhh, yep,” Dipper said weakly, avoiding eye contact. “definitely. totally. you, uh, you make tons of money. so much money.”

“alright, you kids talk weird. plus, ive never seen you around here before. you’re not from town, are ya?”

oh, this was bad. this was really bad. if Stan got too suspicious, they’d be in huge trouble.

“uhhh,” Dipper said, scrambling for a cover story. “we’re, um, lost. we’re just two normal, average, completely inconspicuous children! yeah!” he was trying very hard not to freak out because oh god they were literally talking to Stan before he was grunkle Stan.

Mabel was staring at Stan's hair all the time with very wide smile and that made him pretty uncomfortable “kid? hey, kid, stop drooling at my hair. it’s weird.”

“how do you get it so fluffy,” she whispered in pure awe with her pupils dilated.

Stanley ran a hand through his glorious locks, looking smug. “it’s called not wasting money on shampoo. just the rain, kid.”

***

Stan was very much done with these weird time kids. his hair had been fluffed, styled and glitter bombed. his red jacket was now covered in rhinestones. but worst of all, they had somehow managed to charm him. and if one day, he had a niece with enough sparkle to fill a thousand sequins, maybe he wouldn’t be so bad at the whole family thing after all.

Mabel had been telling him about all the ways he could make “big bucks” in the future, mainly by selling even worse bootleg merch, which he had to admit was genius.

“and guess what? your shack becomes the best tourist trap ever! people come from all over to see your weird stuff.”

Stan’s eyes lit up with a mix of greed and hope. “you don’t say. maybe you kids aren’t so useless after all.”

“yup! and you’re a total legend!” Mabel gushed and Dipper shot her a warning look.

“Mabel, maybe we shouldn’t—“

“nah, tell me more, i like this kid,” Stan interrupted. “how do i do it? what’s my secret?”

“uhhh, hard work?” Mabel tried and Dipper gave her a thumbs up for the safe answer.

“and um, believing in yourself?” Dipper added, though he knew present-day Stan would probably gag at that advice.

Stan laughed. “believe in myself, huh? easier said than done. not like i got anyone else to believe in me.”

Mabel’s heart twisted a little. she reached out and patted Stan’s arm. “well, we believe in you. and you’re gonna do great things. pinky promise!”

Dipper, however, was acting weird, too suspicious, always stuttering, sweating and Stan was no fool. he could smell a kid with secrets from a mile away.

“so,” he said, watching Dipper fidget. “spill it, kid.”

Dipper froze. “s-spill what?”

“whatever’s making you look like a kid who’s about to confess to breaking a window.”

Dipper gulped. “. . . okay, hypothetically speaking, if we did know something big about your future, would you want to hear it?”

Stan frowned, trying to keep his face emotionless. “d-depends.” he stuttered and immediately hated himself for it. “is it about my brother?”

the whole shack went silent. Dipper and Mabel exchanged glances, both wide eyed and shocked.

what?

[ohisms]

↪   ᵀᴴᴱ 𝑀𝐼𝐶𝐾 .    (  a  series  of  sentence  starters  from  season  1  of fox's sitcom ,  “ the mick ” .   adjust  phrasing  as  necessary . will be updated !  )

oh my god , why do you have gasoline ?!

we're fine , not that it's any of your concern .

stay out of trouble .

no , you're not coming in with me .

you're embarrassing . you embarrass me . i'm embarrassed of you .

can i bum a smoke , please ?

it's okay , i already have a dollar .

i get the sense that you're in need a lot .

i don't have a problem . you do , otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation .

what do you mean ? you invited me .

i got into yale , that doesn't mean i'm going .

the scales of justice tip in favor of the wealthy .

if we throw enough money at this thing , i'm sure it'll go away .

let's catch up in ten years when you need another loan .

i feel like we got off on the wrong foot .

i want you to come to me with boy problems . or girl problems , i don't assume .

i know you think you're pretty clever with this plan to drink me under the table , but there's two problems ... you're not , .. & you can't .

she's not dead , i can see her breathing .

i cannot count the number of times i've been ripped off a barstool & thrown in a cage .

i should probably get out of the house , yesterday kinda got away from me .

i don't like these people . but i like you .

why are we at a poor person's restaurant ?

don't touch my stuff , psycho .

no , i don't believe you . you're lying .

uh , i don't know , maybe because you're a lying bitch .

okay , look , i understand this stuff is really hard to hear .

let's just keep our voices down , okay ?

you think i care about these idiots ?

what is wrong with you ? you're making a scene .

how's that for a scene ?! dinner & a show !

i know what you're up to , & you're not gonna get away with it .

i'm sorry , you think you're in charge ?

once all this is gone , all that's left is this . & nobody wants just this .

wait , wait , wait ! i'm coming with you !

i will only go if i have your blessing .

if you need anything at all , do not hesitate to call 911 .

[ name ] , my beautiful angel !

i heard about that little accident you had .

so , this is it ! home sweet home .

holy crap , you're alive ...

what are you doing here ? are you living at my place ?

okay , i'm sensing some major hostility here .

i thought you were dead !

don't pay attention to him , he's no one .

— i'm just kidding ! oh , i'm so sorry , your face ...

no ... you're joking — this is a joke , right ?

i'm gonna go freshen up , this'll be fun !

my legs are heavy , but my mind is light ...

wait , why is my window open ?

do i look like i'm playing games ?

we both burnt that bridge , it doesn't matter who lit the match .

i need you to do me a favor , i did you a favor .

oh , thank god you're here . you've gotta help us .

oh , i'm not going anywhere .

what do you want me to do about it ?

knock - knock ... can i come in ?

oh ... i get it . you're jealous .

enough with the guessing games , i'm freaking out over here .

fine . i'll fix this myself .

i thought we agreed i'm the boss ?!

if you saw my silence as agreeing with you , that's on you .

don't take it personally , his heart just isn't for sale .

not now , [ name ] , i'm gloating .

[ name ] ?! since when do you smoke ?

HEY .. !! [ name ] . just the person i wanted to see .

i haven't gone this long without a smoke in years .

either be part of the solution or get the hell out .

well , now i feel like you're lying .

regardless of how we got here , i'm having a really good time .

is it ? is it creepy to be ahead of everybody at all times ?

i want to squeeze you around your neck until you can't breathe .

i said that forever ago when i was young and dumb .

if i were you , i would take this opportunity to lay low .

that's the opposite of what i just suggested .

[ name ] , you've been overruled .

i don't mean to offend you , you don't fit the [ surname ] brand .

it's already happening , we're becoming socially radioactive .

i'm sorry , that night is a blur of bad pinot and intolerable conversation .

oh , so you're a liar too ?

i was sitting at home , and then i remembered you're not my boss .

what's the matter ? little plan didn't work ?

[the-most-humble-blog]

The Predator’s Size Reveal: My WTF Moment as a Kid

When My Kid Brain Realized the Yautja Is a Walking, Hulking “Holy S--t!”

Alright, let me set the stage for you. I was just a kid when I first watched Predator, sitting way too close to the TV, probably eating something I wasn’t supposed to. The movie had me hooked from the jump: explosions, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse Ventura chewing scenery (and probably tobacco), and this mysterious alien stalking them like it had beef with their entire gene pool.

But then the climax hit. And I saw it. The Predator. The full Predator. And let me tell you, my brain short-circuited.

My Reaction: “WAIT. HOLD UP. THIS THING IS HOW BIG?!”

1. They Didn’t Warn Me About This

For most of the movie, the Predator was just... there.

It was cloaked, hiding in trees, making creepy-ass clicking noises. You didn’t think about its size because it didn’t need size. It was scary enough as a shadow.

Every time it killed someone, it was quick and surgical. Boom—someone’s gone. No need for brute force.

And then, just when I thought I had the Predator figured out, it dropped its weapons, took off its mask, and stood up. And all I could say was, “WTF.”

2. The WTF Realization

You know that feeling when something goes from scary to “oh, we’re all doomed”? That was me.

The Cloaking Lies: This thing had been sneaking around the jungle like a ghost, and suddenly it’s towering over Arnold like a damn tree.

Arnold Looks Tiny: Let’s be real—when you make Arnold Schwarzenegger look small, you’re not just big. You’re stupid big.

The Mask Drop: I was already freaked out by the size, but then the Predator’s face entered the chat, and I was done. Those mandibles? That growl? NOPE.

WTF?: “How the hell did this thing fit in the trees? Was it doing yoga up there?”

3. Why It Was So Effective

Even now, as a grown adult with bills and existential crises, that size reveal still sticks with me. Why? Because the movie played me like a fiddle.

It Hid the Truth: For 90% of the movie, the Predator is more of an idea than a physical thing. It’s all about fear, stealth, and mystery.

The Payoff Was Huge (Literally): By holding back its size until the end, the movie made the reveal hit like a brick to the face.

4. My Inner Monologue: A Play-by-Play

Watching that final battle felt like running through the stages of grief—but with extra WTF energy.

Denial: “Nah, it’s not that big. The angle’s just weird.”

Anger: “WHY DIDN’T THEY WARN US ABOUT THIS?!”

Bargaining: “Maybe Arnold can still win, right? Right?!”

Acceptance: “Okay, we’re all screwed.”

Kid Thought: This thing could bench-press Arnold and the entire squad without breaking a sweat. And here I was, barely able to carry my school backpack.

5. The Real WTF Moment

Here’s the part that really messed me up:

The Predator wasn’t just a brute. It was smart. Like, scary smart.

It dropped its weapons and went hand-to-hand with Arnold, as if to say, “I don’t just kill—I dominate.”

Kid Logic: “Wait, so it’s huge and it knows kung fu? Who signed me up for this nightmare?!”

6. Why This Moment Stuck With Me

Years later, I’ve watched a lot of monster movies, but Predator still holds up. And it’s not just because of the size reveal—it’s because of the way it’s delivered.

The Build-Up: You spend the whole movie fearing what you can’t see.

The Payoff: When you finally see it, it’s bigger, badder, and more terrifying than you imagined.

I Wasn’t Ready

Let me be clear: when I watched Predator for the first time, I wasn’t ready. The Yautja’s size, its intelligence, and that final showdown completely blindsided me. And even now, every time I rewatch it, I feel like that same kid, sitting too close to the TV, whispering, “WTF.”

So, if you’ve ever felt the same way—like the Predator just punked you with its sheer size and power—you’re not alone. It’s not just a movie moment. It’s a WTF moment.

Still reeling from the Predator’s WTF size reveal? Follow The Most Humble Blog for more unapologetic movie takes and hilariously sharp nostalgia dives.

[agirlwithdemonblood]

Cramps and Communication

Pairings: Jensen x Reader

Summary: After a painful IUD, you discover it wasn't necessary. But it sure does bring you and Jensen closer.

Check out my Masterlist here!

Was this really worth it?

I mean, yeah, Jensen Ackles is gorgeous, charming, and basically the human embodiment of a Pinterest dream boyfriend-but was the agony worth it?

If you'd known that dating him would lead to this, with searing pain, blood, and a sincere belief that your uterus was actively trying to evict itself from your body, would you have gone through with it?

Honestly? Probably. Jensen was the best thing that ever happened to you. But that was beside the point.

Why do women always get the short end of the reproductive stick? Why did you have to endure this pain just to avoid having a baby?

That's exactly what you'd done: compromised your body. For love. Or at least for really good sex.

Sure, it had only been two weeks of dating, but you'd known from day one that while you adored Jensen, you weren't ready for kids. Especially when he already had two of his own.

His kids were amazing, and you'd already fallen for their cute faces and relentless energy, but parenting was not on your bingo card right now.

So, you'd taken action. Made a responsible, adult decision. You got an IUD.

Holy hell, why had no one warned you how much it would hurt? The cramping, the stabbing, the horror. It felt like a vengeful demon was using your ovaries as stress balls. The doctor said the pain and bleeding were "normal." Normal for what? Torture victims?

Now, you were curled up on your couch, heating pad blazing, hoping you might survive the night.

Your phone buzzed. Through bleary eyes and shaky hands, you answered. "Hey, you," you answered, biting your cheek to mask the pain.

"Hey, sweetheart," Jensen's warm voice rumbled through the speaker. "Haven't heard much from you today. Everything okay?"

God, he was perfect. "Hey, yeah, I'm good. Just...kinda rough day." You bit your lip as another cramp hit.

"Rough day? What happened?" His tone shifted from casual to concerned.

"Doctor's appointment," you said vaguely. "Nothing big."

"Aw, babe. Want me to come over? Or you come here? I can make soup, or we can cuddle. Or both." You could hear his smile.

"Jensen, I'm like...disgusting right now."

"You're cute even when you're disgusting." He paused. "Was that romantic or creepy? I can't tell."

You chuckled despite yourself. "A weirdly sweet mix of both."

"Perfect. Come over. Please?" He sounded like a little kid begging for a puppy.

"Fine," you groaned, pushing yourself up. "But if I die on the way, it's on you."

"Deal. See you soon, babe."

Twenty minutes later, you pulled into his driveway. The cramps were still there, but more manageable. Jensen was already outside, smiling brightly as you stepped from the car. "Hey! I'm so happy to see you. Feeling any better?"

You mustered a smile and hugged him. "A little bit. Thanks for convincing me to come over."

"Always," he said, leading you inside.

The moment you crossed the threshold, a sharp cramp hit. You doubled over, hand bracing against the wall as a pained groan escaped your lips.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Babe? What's wrong? Where does it hurt?" His voice climbed with each word, eyes wide as he hovered helplessly.

"I'm fine," you ground out through clenched teeth. "Just... woman stuff."

"Okay," he said, nodding rapidly. "Right. Okay. I can handle woman stuff. I have daughters. I know things." He guided you inside, mumbling to himself: "I mean, I don't really know things, but I'm learning."

He guided you to the couch, concern etched on his face. "Talk to me, sweetheart. This doesn't seem like just cramps, what's going on?"

You rubbed your hands over your face. There was no getting out of it now.

"I got an IUD today," you confessed quietly. "I didn't want to make it weird by talking about the future or anything, so I just went and did it. I knew I didn't want kids right now, and... yeah."

Silence.

You peeked at Jensen. His mouth was slightly open, his eyes wide. "A...What?"

"It's a...thing they put in my uterus to prevent babies. It's small. T-shaped. Very stabby."

"They stabbed you?" His jaw dropped. "In your uterus?!"

"Basically."

He looked shocked, horrified.

Yup. Grossed out. Typical guy.

You stood abruptly. "I should go."

"What?" He jumped up after you. "Why?"

"Because you're clearly grossed out, and I shouldn't have come."

He chuckled—not cruelly, but softly. "I'm not grossed out. I'm surprised, yeah. But mostly, I'm laughing because this whole thing could've been avoided if we'd just talked."

You tilted your head up. "What?"

Jensen bit his lip, suddenly sheepish. "I, uh...had a vasectomy last year."

Your brain short-circuited. "I'm sorry. You...what?"

"Yeah. Snip, snip. No swimmers."

Your jaw dropped. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nope," he said with a sheepish grin. "I thought it was too soon to bring it up. I mean, we were only two weeks in."

You groaned, the weight of the situation crashing down as laughter bubbled in your chest. "Jesus, we really need to work on our communication."

"Yeah," he agreed, laughing along. "But hey, you took one for the team, so props to you."

You grabbed a throw pillow with a laugh and smacked him.

"Ow! Hey! I'm sorry!" he laughed, shielding himself.

You kept swinging the pillow. "I went through uterus warfare for nothing!"

"I'll buy you ice cream!"

"Not good enough!"

"Ice cream and wine?"

You paused mid-swing. "...Red?"

"Of course."

You flopped back into his arms with an exaggerated sigh. "You're lucky you're cute, Ackles."

He kissed the top of your head, grinning. "I'm lucky for a lot of reasons. Mostly you."

And when he made good on his promise of wine, ice cream, and Netflix, you figured the IUD debacle was almost worth it.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!

Like, comment, and reblog, feedback is my fuel 💕

[hirsheyskisses]

OP Boys: Special Hugs (03)

Kid & Killer

(Short Scenarios)

WARNING: Kidd's part gets a lil NSFW. no need done, but suggestive.

Eustass "Captain" Kid.

♥︎ let's get one thing straight

♥︎ he doesn't do "hugs"

♥︎ no see he does this really creepy staring thing from a distance. He practically SENSES when you're in the room with him, and he turns his head and stares.

♥︎ he thinks he's subtle but he's really not

♥︎ what, you broke a knife? Here, have 20 more he made himself for this exact occasion. Why are you looking at him so weird? YOUR OLD KNIVES WERE TRASH ANYWAYS HIS ARE BETTER >:(

♥︎ also, weirdly specific way of flirting with insults that are actually compliments

♥︎ yeah, that energy.

♥︎ but fate leads to the weirdest shit, so..

"....a fucking sea-stone box."

"I tried to tell ya, Cap'n.."

Taking a look at your situation, there was no avoiding it. Your Captain just didn't listen to reason, it wasn't in his blood. Now, you were cramped against his chest in a tiny, sea stone box, that was only ever intended to hold him.

Not an extra human.

"Quit your damn squirmin." Kid grunted, flesh arm wrapping around you. It was pitch black, so neither of you knew where body parts were until you felt them out. "Tryna give you more room.." you muttered. Currently, you were awkwardly pressed against him: head just above his, hands on his shoulders, and legs resting on his. "No, you're tryna shove your tits into my face."

You could almost see the smirk with his words, "If I wanted my tits in your face, they'd be there! Now hush and let me move," you slowly twisted your body, hand grabbing his thigh for balance. His hand danced up your waist, half helping you turn your back to him.

"If I do this, you'll have more leg room." Which is something you figured he desperately needed, being damn near 6'5 and built like a tank, yet again, cramped in a tiny box that was sucking his energy.

"Mhm.. yeah. Yer gropin' my thigh, sweetie. 'S much as I love the energy, a box ain't the place we're gonna do this." You tightened your grip, chuckling out of pure annoyance: this absolute and utter piece of work-

"...Captain, for the love of all that's holy, shut the fuck up- please."

"So polite." He snickered, his lips now right next to your ear.

You successfully had your back against his chest now, knees brought up to your own, and dropped your head on them. You could hear Kid chuckling softly, his arm wrapping around your middle.

"The hell are you doing?" "Mmmmmmm...." He groaned in your ear.

Heat rushed up to your face. "What the hell?!" "Ya smell good." "Yeah well you smell like fuckin sweat so-"

He drew you closer, dropping his head ontop of yours, "when we get out of here.. so will you."

Long story short, if Kid had known what it'd take to get you so flustered and in his arms was to put you both in a cramped space.. well, let's just say this isn't the last time.

"Massacre Solider" Killer

• it takes a lot for Killer to get touchy Feely.

• Contrare to his captain's kinda horny love, his is, way more subtle. (Mostly because, thanks to the mask, you can't see him watching you.)

• when he decides he wants to try himself with you, he starts popping up. Everywhere.

• You're genuinely surprised he hasn't popped up while you're showering at this point

• however, Killer does have a weakness, being from the south blue. And that's the cold.

• see, you're from the north blue. You're used to it.. and so..

"...you're bundled up-"

"And youre.. not."

You quirked a brow, eyeing your Vice Captain. He was currently dressed in three of the puffiest jackets you'd ever laid eyes on, an ear flap hat over his mask, gloves, and the fuzziest pants ever. Meanwhile, you were dressed in a simple jacket, boots, regular jeans, and gloves.

"Ya look.. fluffy." You could almost swear he was still shivering a bit. "...Killer, you can head back inside. I've got the watch."

He shook his head, "'s better to have two people on watch." "In some cases, sure, but when the second person is so cold they're dressed like an old lady.."

You watched the blonde tense, "...I don't understand how you're not cold." You snickered, shaking your head. Snow was beginning to fall from the sky- you'd long since entered a winter biome. "I am cold, but not that cold."

"You're insane." "I think the same about you South Blue folk in the heat. North Blue folk are built for the cold."

Killer shook his head again, joining you in leaning over the rail.

"...you've been out here for a while. Let me take over." Killer said. He was right, but if he was the next in line.. "Thanks, killer, but I'll stay out here with you."

"Go inside. You're not dressed properly for this cold."

"Did you not listen to a word of what I just said- I'm built for this-"

"Did you not listen to what your Vice Captain just told you?"

"Sorry, don't see him. I do see a cold, stubborn child." You were careful not to use the term kid.

"."

"..."

"......"

"You're worse than Kid."

"I'll take that at face value and be insulted."

He sighed, "impossible."

A few hours later, you both were switching shifts with Heat and Wire. Walking into the kitchen, you stretched, watching Killer de-layer by the fire. A smirk tugged at your lips as you approached the masked man from behind, staring over his shoulder.

"The caterpillar emerges from its cocoon!" "Shut." He grumbled, removing his gloves last. His hands looked tenser than usual, likely because of the cold. So hatched your master plan of..

Grabbing his hands, and engulfing them with your own, and lifting them both to rest at your neck. Because of his mask, you couldn't see what he felt: but oh, if you could, this man was panicking.

Finally, he mustered, "...you're a human heater."

"That I am! Besides, neck, underarms, and .. between the thighs are the warmest part on any human. Thought you'd know that."

Silence. His fingers flexed and tightened at your shoulders, before, without warning, he had you picked up and thrown over his shoulder, stalking down the halls.

"EH? KILLER-" before you knew it, he'd thrown open the door to his room, tossed you on the bed, and quickly yanked a blanket over you both, snuggling into bed without even taking his boots off.

"...do I wann-" "...you're my personal heater. So sleep."

Well, he's wanted to do that for a while regardless.. holding you in his arms, lay on top of you.. the occasion was just too perfect not to throw rank around a bit.

[uncannyencore]

day 6.draw one of the Crp clowns/jesters! + Headcanons! (Candy Pop)

He is 7’2

Loves eating candy.

Will have psychotic sugar rushes sometimes and then pass tf out.

Yk he has that man spread ass sit bro💀💀

Honestly really childish 

Long ass tongue…

Ayo what can that tongue do 🤨😏

Def likes Jason in that way.

Bisexual…AND BIPOLAR!!!!

ADHD. 

Likes to annoy, scare, and piss people off for fun.

Careless, reckless, ruthless and sadistic. 

Masochist?

Prankster + jokester 

Kind of narcissistic / over confident.

Kinda hard to offend/anger.

Doesn’t like people seeing him in his night terror form.

100% horny 80% of the time.

He doesn’t really care about gender. If he can fuck he will fuck.

Whore. absolute fucking slut. Cock slut. Loves pussy. Loves cock. Sluttiest thot in this motherfucking bitch. Cunty thotty slutty whore.💀💀💀💀💀 (I can’t take myself seriously bro)

Doesn’t wear make-up. That’s legit js his face.

Sharp ahh teeth like boy-

Waaaaayyyyy too over protective of his sister, Candy Cane.

One of the best bff’s you could ever have, Nathan is Lucky.

Ofc his bestie is Nathan, it’s literally Canon!!!!<3

Kinda gets jealous easily? Mostly when he doesn’t get attention or gets attention absolutely stolen from him.

Loves to be the center of attention 

He uses black magic, dark magic, demonic magic, voodoo, witchcraft, whatever cursed/dark magic you can think of, he does it or has done it.

List of things he loves: #3. Jason. #2. His sister. #1. His hair!!!!

He loves his hair more than anything, a bitch even think about touching his hair he will backhand them so motherfucking hard they forget how to speak.

He doesn’t really like judge angels. Why? Because most things related to a fucking angel, he hates. He has never really met her though so….He just always judges a book by its cover honestly. 

Him and LJ fight a lot, but they can get along together sometimes.

His father figure? Oh hell yeah, y’all know it’s Papa Grande. Fuck slenderman, ain’t nobody like that old bitch.

Upside down crosses everywhere. <3

He likes bright colors.

Jason will have this man in a corset sometimes like holy shit???!

He’s a mini fashionista and also Jason’s model/inspiration sometimes.

Coming in contact (touch) with some holy objects or angels will cause him 3rd degree burns😘🩷  and he just doesn’t really like holy water, but it won’t burn him.

Bibles and some holy shit makes him weaker, but in a more painful way. Which usually makes this man screech in pain<3333 I’m such a sadist 🥰😇

He doesn’t like angels or people in most religions 

He likes to play dress up/other games with sally, sometimes LJ and Jason will join too! 

Whenever playing Alice in wonderland with Sally, he’s the Cheshire Cat.

He’s a top obvi!!!

he can enter and exit through mirrors as he pleases. 

He can teleport

He/They/it

Likes to hang around the pasta kids because they lure in unsuspecting worried adults (aka free prey for Candy ;))

Candy, Pop, Poppy, Night, Poppyseed, C.pop, whore, Hatsune Miku, Raspberry fairy demon, Hatsune Miku demon jester, fairy princess jester demon, Slut, bestie, clown, raspberry, creepy blue clown bitch, night terror, night terrors, cluster demon, the collector, emperor of the dark, dark emperor, the dark omen, demon from the abyss, abyss demon.

He can steal other people’s powers, supernatural strength and speed, he can jump high, adapt to his environment quickly, really good sharp senses, enhanced visuality, and can phase through walls (ghosting)

Manipulation, teleportation, dark architect, power gifting, mind control, mastermind, nightmare manipulation, shapeshifting, magic (mentioned b4), levitation, invisibility, soul absorption

[naminiza]

hi halfway through the first episode of dandadan and my entire thought process right now is "what the fuck" repeated pretty much every time someone says or does basically anything

ohhh i'm gonna keep talking because what the fuck. spoilers

THE SERPIO ALIEN WHATEVER THE HELL HAS A GODDAMN BLADE IN HIS PENIS??? OR A SPIKE OR WHATEVER

WHAT IS A "BANANA" WHEN REFERRING TO GIRLS??? WHY DO THE ALIEN DUDES WANT MOMO'S BANANA

HOLY FUCK TURBO GRANNY JUST TRANSCENDED THE PHONE CALL

real talk "lemme gobble that weenie!" is now my all time favourite sentence

BANANA REFERS TO BOTH A FEMALE AND A MALE BODY PART???

YOOO WHAT THE FUCK THIS ART GOES HARD

QHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING

oh my god it's giving omori "something" art style lowkey. messy sketchy squiggly lines for creepy stuff my beloved 😽

"i have possession of that kid's weenie"... see in our world we call that domming someo

casually crashes THROUGH a BUILDING.

okay just finished the episode. that was so cool i love the art it's so unique (both in normal moments and... whatever the hell just happened)

thoughts: prayers.

[leemillion]

Theory Time!

Alright so I have an abundance of theories for The World of Mr Plant so I’m just gonna spill them all here. Maybe I’ll even update it as more theories arise, who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

~Mr. Plant always loved Argos~

Now call me crazy but I think Mr. Plant always had a thing for Argos. He just didn’t fully realize/come to terms with it until the valentines episode. And even then he struggled to express emotions at first, but he’s been getting better at that.

Now adding on we all know Mr. Plant won’t hesitate to kill any minor inconvenience that comes his way. And Argos supposedly annoyed him to hell and back. So why didn’t he kill Argos? Sure he thought about it, but he never actually went through with it. It makes no sense to kill a random stranger just for a job but then leave someone you supposedly hate alive, but that’s just me:

Maybe he mistook his feelings for Argos as anger or tried to deny it by rationalizing it in some weird way. I mean it doesn’t seem like he has any relationship experience. Maybe this is his first time feeling these things and that’s why he was so hesitant and confused.

~Why Mr. Plant joined the scouts~

Now I find this one pretty wholesome. Mr. Plant doesn’t like kids at all so Argos being apart of the scouts was something he actively discouraged. Yet by the end of the episode he chose to join them 😌

Now I have 2 reasons for this. It could either be one of them or a mixture of both of them.

Reason #1 - After the incident with the “human” he thought “oh shit I get to kill people and murder people holy shit-“ and decided hey it can’t be that bad

Reason #2 - After the incident with the “human” he realized Argos and the scouts might need someone to protect them so he decided to join to keep them safe.

I think I like the second reason it’s so fucking wholesome. Argos and Mr. Plant have 3 unofficially adopted children now 😌

(One more thing that’s not important to the theory but I didn’t know where else to put it: On the phone Mr. Plant immediately ran over the second Argos mentioned he was “right across the way” Do you think Mr. Plant knew about the creep that lived there??? That he knew about him kidnapping and doing who knows what with kids?? And once he heard Argos was over there he was like “oh fuck no not my Argos 🔪” That’s so cute wtf 😭)

~Mr. Plant’s other half~

So we all know Mr. Plant is half banana leaf. But what about the rest of him? I’ve seen many theories of him being part walker plant, imitation plant, and even human. And I think imitation plant might make the most sense (I still like to think a small part of him is a walker though)

I mean in Gardening with Argos, Argos refers to some of his plants as his “favorite flower.” We all know Mr. Plant is obviously his favorite 🙄

Unless… Mr. Plant isn’t considered a flower at all?

Now this could be a stretch. Maybe there’s 2 types of plants. Those that are considered people and those that are considered just plants. But who knows.

~The mushrooms found Argos creepy~

This might not be so much of a theory as it is an observation.

At first when I watched this episode I thought “tf they mean creepy? He’s like the most normal guy here” And then I realized Argos looks the most normal to the viewers but not the other characters.

Every other character either has an object head, an animal head, a plant head, a body part head, and of course the “humans” with their uncanny ass proportions. Argos isn’t the most human looking thing in their world. In fact there isn’t anyone else in the void who looks like him.

Maybe that’s why he’s always seen as “weird” or “creepy.” Plus we never know much about his family. Just his great great grandfather banana leaf. Maybe his family is some rare species.

Holy shit what if they’re hunted for sport and that’s what those “accidental deaths” were??? Maybe not. Maybe I’m going insane.

~It’s been a long long time~

So I found this comment on a TikTok video:

I did the math and they’re correct. And if Argos is around the same age as Ashur is (23) then he’s been in this specific void since he was about 5 years old. He’s been marking up the days since he was old enough to write.

Meanwhile Mr. Plant moved in almost 2 years ago.

Argos was part of the welcoming committee then right?? I like to think he fell in love the minute he saw Mr. Plant 😌

So what’s next for them? Who knows but I’m rooting for lore in the next episode. Andddd I think that’s about it for theories for now, or at least until I suddenly come up with another. See you all next time :D

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Aight here’s a few of my favorite SP fics that no one asked for

I’m generally more of a one shot kinda lad but since getting into South Park I’ve read SO MANY GREAT longer ones so here’s just some highlights: (all on ao3)

Ship In A Bottle FayOfTheForest. One of the first sp AU’s I read, we got PIRATES. HOMOEROTIC SWORD FIGHTING. WLW CREEK. SLOW BURN STYLE. (Injured stan my beloved) KENNY. BUNNY. The parents SUCK. Literally such a kickass story!

This House of Mine by OrcaTimes. VIOLENCE. GANG ACTIVITY. CREEK. I really love the characterization of everyone in this fic, especially Craig. Seriously man. Also THE K2 IN THIS SLAYS (we got some PRIME Kyle injury too god I love him) THE ENDING IS SO SATISFYING TOO!!!

Peppermint by boxwinebaddie. Bro. Literally my all time favorite style fic. I’m so serious. The writing and story are BEAUTIFUL LIKE SO FUCKING AMAZING The PINING. THE HEADCANONS. I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS. Pls if you check out any of my Recs READ THIS ONE.

Maybe For Real This Time & The Kids Are Alright by WeirdBBQDad. Dude. I have no words other than KENNY FUCKIN MCCORMICK. Also Style. Also families. Just- just check it out.

Hang ‘Em High by littledeathsinmusicalbeds. Cowboy au. Creek. Established Style. Bounty hunter Kenny. Massive slay.

The Thief Trilogy by wintergrew. WHEN I SAY IT LIVES IN MY HEAD RENT FREE. The world building is PHENOMENAL literally my favorite SOT AU OF ALL. Long as hell, but SO worth the read holy fuck. I adore Stick Of Truth.

You’re The Prettiest Boy I’ve Ever Seen by burnt_pancakes. CREEK. STYLE. MISCOMMUNICATION. BUNNY. KENNY IN GENERAL. the friendships in this are PERFECT.

Your name written upon mine by sooduhnim. SOT STYLE. Soulmate au that’s INCREDIBLE seriously I love this one and can’t wait for an update.

How We Began by PastorCraigEnjoyer. Ok yes I’m cringy as shit for the self promo but this is my favorite long fic that I’ve written. Slow burn SOT STYLE, no war just fantasy gays falling in love, injury, sickfic, all my favorite bullshit and I loved writing it ok.

N1SM by kiritila. A classic in the fandom. Style. A masterpiece.

Between the Sinners and the Saints by KaiterTot. Oh. My. God. When I say this one altered my brain chemistry… THE ENDING DUDE HOLY-

A Few Last Wolves by Jwink85. Yes, I am a resident of the State Of Style by way of Creek Nation but this is Cryle. And it’s a slay. If y’all liked Frank and Bills episode in TLOU, it’s kind of an au of that. It works man.

Winter Butterfly ALSO by Jwink85 and ALSO Cryle. What can I say it’s incredible. The Style in the beginning is CUTE until shit hits the fan, too, and I thought this fic was a really interesting take on all the characters and relationships. I adore Tweek in this one too.

Something Sweet Like Honey by bluebryy. Ok this one is unsettling and creepy Craig makes me feel icky but I cannot WAIT for an update on that fic, I got my fingers crossed for Style endgame. Also CHECK OUT THEIR ART ON HERE they converted me to a short king Kyle truther and it’s a slay tbh.

Ladies and Gentleman We Are Floating In Space by gremlinteeth. A classic. The first sp multi chapter I read. THE LORE BRO. CREEK. STYLE. STANS CHARACTERIZATION GOES SO HARD HES MY BOIIIII

Ok. That’s all my recs for now. Sry for being insane.

[tropesaregoodsoup]

Fresh Pet

pt.2

They woke up leaning back in a chair. A lot of things were immediately brought to their attention. Soft, leather cuffs with a straight bar were chained to the table, holding their wrists in front of them. Something was covering their face and pushing down on their tongue, stopping them from talking. It took a moment for Whumpee’s mind to catch up to what it was.

A muzzle.

But they didn’t have long to dwell on that realization as the door opened and two people walked in. The first was a tall woman in a suit. She had a very professional demeanor about her. The second was shorter, dressed more casually, jeans instead of slacks, a button up shirt, but no blazer, although they looked a little stressed, and they kept messing with one of the buttons on their shirt. Whumpee pulled back as the shorter one approached, they sat in the chair opposite Whumpee. The woman just walked to a corner of the room, she had a clipboard and an oddly cheery disposition.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding.” It came with a nervous laugh as the person across from them looked back to the woman “Shouldn’t they have been out for another couple hours?”

“Yes. The agent we worked with said they had an oddly strong resistance to the sedatives.”

Whumpee hated this, it was already getting hard to focus as panic from their situation started to rise, and their shallow breaths weren’t helping as they tried another tug of their cuffs.

“Oh no. They look so stressed.” The shorter one said it with surprising sincerity. And the woman off to the side chimed in.

“That’s normal, Whumper. The pets you usually get have been conditioned before they get to you. It is still an option if you want.” A pet. Conditioned. This person was insane, and they gave the lady a look that said as much, but their attention was brought back to the person they now knew as Whumper.

“No. I did my research, I know it’s hard work, but I can do this. The pets I get from facilities are just never quite right, and I’ve had my eye on this one for so long. I don’t want to mess it up.” Their vision had gone blurry, but that had really gotten to them. How long had this person been stalking them? How long had they been planning this? They had clearly paid off at least two people for their creepy fantasy, how many more people were involved in this? They could feel hot tears form in their eyes.

“They look really stressed. Is it something I said?” Their… buyer must have seen their very outward signs of distress, but that woman chimed in again with more reassurances.

“No, no. They just aren’t used to you yet. I’ve seen a lot of new pets, before conditioning, that go through this phase. Most of them don’t even know being a pet is an option until it’s explained to them. Besides that, you have to remember, they were pulled out of their home environment, and, especially with the drive over, waking up in a new place, I’m sure it was really stressful for them.”

“You’re right. I know you are, it’s just a little jarring. I did read that explaining the situation could help. What do you think?”

Explain the situation. What the hell is wrong with these people? 

“Yes, I think that is a very good decision.” 

Wrong. Bad decision, Whumpee just wanted to leave, and this person who thought humans could be pets was getting closer and was definitely not helping the situation.

“Hi, I’m Whumper.” It was said in a very calm, reassuring voice.

It was neither, and in fact, just made it worse, as Whumpee struggled to keep their thoughts in front of them. They had to stay here if they ever wanted to get out.

“I know this is very stressful for you, but if we work together, I think this will be a very good forever-home for you.”

NO. Holy shit. No. And they tried to say as much, but the muzzle stopped anything other than muffled cries and whimpers from getting out. And to top it all off, the tears that had been welling up in their eyes were finally falling. Every word made it harder to stop their mind from trying to run away, but the ringing had started. 

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Of course not. You saw the condition they were in when we arrived. I doubt anything you could have said would have caused a different ending. I did prepare for this though.” The words took a moment for Whumpee to fully understand, most of it was muffled by the ringing or the blood rushing or their heart pounding in their chest. It took even longer for them to understand the sharp pain somewhere on their arm. A syringe. with the syringe. It wasn’t long before the drug mixed with their already distant mind and everything faded.

[st4rgrl4l1f3]

There was literally no excuse for the way Simon and Soap were the stupidest fucking people together. And only together. They are skillful soldiers, they always complete their mission. But holy fuck, take them out? Put them on a damn leash. It’s like two dogs trying to look at everything whilst on a walk.

Nothing could prepare Gaz for the way Price genuinely says shit like “whoopsies” “We’re in a bit of a jam, huh?” “Uh oh”. Kinda like if he was talking to a little kid. Gaz didn’t know why he used those kinds of words, here’s this special forces captain whom he thought was stone cold; apparently that only applies on the battlefield.

Alejandro’s mind was completely empty, watching Ghost, Soap and Gaz attempt to learn more Spanish. Soap couldn’t roll his R’s, Gaz sounded American whilst attempting to say a word that had been troubling him. It was Ferrocarril. Railroad. Ghost thought that turning Spanish subtitles on his show would help. It didn’t. “Joder, sois estúpidos de cojones..” (Holy shit, you guys are stupid as fuck..).

If Soap is mad, he won’t hesitate to scream. Yell. Only if it’s in the comfort of his home. Captain Price once came over and thought Soap was being attacked. No. He burned his breakfast. Running into the kitchen, gun in hand, he watches Soap pop more toast into the toaster. “Hope my eggs won’t get cold.” “Fuckin hell, Soap. I thought you were dying.” “No, I burned my toast.” “Fucks sake.”

Ghost genuinely cannot go a week without wreaking havoc. Scaring the shit out of people. He likes scaring the new young soldiers, ones who think they’re all that because they got into the military. That is, until Ghost comes up behind them, a heavy hand on their shoulder. “You ever been on the battlefield?” Said in a voice deeper than he’d normally go, but it was funny as shit to him, watching the soldiers jump and then looking straight into their eyes, watching as they attempt to politely disengage in the conversation.

Alejandro frequently plays video games, hard ones that he gets up on his high horse talking about “How hard can a Videojuego be?” (How hard can a video game be?” …Until he is red with rage, veins popping out of his forehead, hands shaking and squeezing the controller so tight that Rudy thought it was going to break. “No es tan grave, Alejandro ..” (It’s not that serious, Alejandro..” he says, getting more and more quiet as he spoke. Alejandro looked back at him, throwing the controller into the wall (denting it.) “You try then, Pendejo.” He says in a dark, creepy ass voice.

The teams genuine reaction when Gaz pulls out a book on the helicopter and starts reading is fucking insane. “Reading?” Ghost comments, wide eyed and sounding astonished. “I mean, the flight will be long. Might as well” He says, shrugging. “You’ve gotta be kiddin’, Gaz.” Soap scans Gaz’s eyes, looking for any humor in them. None. He was completely serious?? “Well, nothin wrong with a bit of reading, yeah boys?” Captain Price reads the room—“..You guys seriously don’t read? Ever?” “Why the fuck would we read-“ they both chirp in unison.

Captain Price is either over dressed or under dressed for the occasion. Why are you wearing a suit at Christmas dinner…And why are you wearing shorts and a Metallica shirt to church…Sometimes Gaz helps him dress so that he won’t look out of place. Has to take him out shopping since he’s rarely in normal clothes, I mean he’s got his gear and a civilian outfit (STRICTLY a civilian outfit.), maybe four shirts, a few pairs of shorts, three pairs of jeans, and a pair of sweatpants. Which wasn’t exactly bad, but for church that just will not do, Captain!!!

Soap has no social anxiety. He’s loud when he laughs, talking with random men at the bar, telling his story to some guy named Daniel who he just met 13 minutes ago. Which for the record, Daniel thinks Soap is fucking awesome. Holy shit dude, you’re a special op? Yeah that’s not something you see everyday. Him and Daniel now meet at the bar a few times per week when Soap is given the green light to do so.

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 26 ramble

the academic victim era continues. i like putting my lil personal bits at the beginning of these i think it humanizes me

ok. i have to pause mid intro song. i just hit my bowl of snap pea crisps and spilled them everywhere and i'm going to tweak

3 of them fell on the floor.. but they're kinda expensive so we don't get to have them very often.. is it worth it..

i ate them i don't care

this has become more about me than the episode i'm gonna unpause it now

we're so back

celia at work core!! she dgaf!!!

MEET HELEN. pls don't be a tory in this universe pls pls pls pls. i didn't fw human helen at all i am less excited than i was about basira but also basira was one of my all time favs forever

hiii aliceeee <333

magnusing is so me tbh if you think about it

so does alice's voice have a slight hint of that effect they use for chester and norris to anyone else or.. like she sounds computer-y and i don't know if it's just the microphone or something real

"take protection" "jesus christ!" "LIKE A BIG KNIFE OR SOMETHING" CRYING. see my mind didn't go there sam so what's up with that sam huh sam

the hell does celia have in her workbag wtf. queen what. it's the trauma "are you sure that thing is legal?" LMFAOOOOOO

ok i don't like you saying nauseas because i'm on TWO medications that make me nauseas and i just ate pls don't be gross

DAMN. i was gonna be like JARED? HOPWORTH? but it's jared 'smith.' gerard jared is kind of like michael

P.E. teachers creep me out but probably because the only one my high school has ever officially had got fired my freshman year for spanking girls in the locker room and they never actually replaced him they just had various sports coaches take over

yea this is freaking me out already i don't like it

oh that's so sad the dad fucking died poor kid omg

wtf was he possessed by the soul of cross country. what is the horror here. ohh running for his life ok thanks

oh so the horror isn't mr jared it's what happens to him i guess. sorry man i shouldn't have called you creepy

this is just how my friends describe morning cross country practice

yeah so i was right to quit cross country in 5th grade then!!! running IS the horror!!!!

NOT THE TAPE RECORDER WTFFFFF IS THIS ERROR. ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN ARCHIVIST.............................................................................................................................................................................................

AT A LOSS AT A LOSS AT A LOSS AT AT AT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

we were right guyss it's an archivist...

IT SAID ARCHIVIST ALICE YES LOCK IN QUEEN LOCK IN SHE'S SOOOOOOOO HEHEHE SHE'S SO SMART I'M IN LOVE WITH U

yes alice connect those dots!!! connect them babe!!!!! i'm scared though to be honest with you

SHE DOESN'T THINK SHE KNOWS DUMBASS. PLEASE LISTEN TO HER OR I'M WRITING ANOTHER HATE POST ABOUT YOU. oh thank you sam i don't hate you

HOW I WOULD'VE EXPECTED HOW I WOULD'VE EXPECTED hey helen

has celia shut down. oh my god she sounds really scared. probably because helen tried to eat her in another universe.

CELIA'S SO SCARED HONEYYYYYYY. wait now she's bringing up the magnus institute LMAOO

bloody big basement lmao it's where they keep the bodies

at least 20 years? it burned down 20 years ago? who's reaching out after it burned what

HELEN'S LAUGH MADE ME JUMP LMFAOOOOO HELP

SAM MEETING JACK???? SAM MEETING JACK??????? THEY'RE SO CUTE WTF OMG ur baby's a tory HAHA

celia you are being watched honeyyy you are you need to connect some dots. alice style. obsessed with her.

calling her baby goblin after that baby episode that celia was mentioned by name in hello. hello.

ok sam let's go no longer being as selfish thanks sam.

awe that's adorable i actually think he's been really nice lately holy shit.

LMAOOO WHY DID WE GET AN AUDIBLE KISS ON EPISODE 26 I THOUGHT THEY DIDN'T LIKE THOSE

[noisemotel]

Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy - MSI

Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy by Mindless Self Indulgence is an album that slaps you with everything no one else has the guts to say. It's raw, vulgar, chaotic, and probably way too out-there for most people. If you’re into clean, polished stuff, forget it. But if you’re looking for something that’ll make you jump out of your seat and throw you into pure madness, this album is it.

Here’s how each track sounds:

Backmask Creepy as hell, with backwards sounds that mess with your head right from the start. It’s like a jolt of paranoia that lets you know you’re about to go on a totally insane ride.

Bitches An absolute banger. It’s packed with rage and has a hook that’ll stick in your head for days. It makes you wanna scream and break stuff. It starts strong, and you know this album isn’t gonna slow down.

Clarissa This is a super acid shot at pop culture. Jimmy Urine spits out the lyrics like an insult, and you feel like he’s talking directly to you. Makes you want to shake up the world.

Cocaine and Toupees The sound is almost comical and pulls you in with this venomous irony. It feels like being dropped into a freak show, where everything’s wrong and a little gross, but you just can’t look away.

Dicks Are for My Friends The title itself is a middle finger to everything. This track is dirty, trashy, and full of attitude. The band mocks everything and everyone, shamelessly. It makes you laugh and fires you up all at once.

Faggot Okay, this one’s controversial. MSI is obviously going for dark humor here, but it’s intense. If you get the irony, it works, but if not... good luck. It’s challenging, and it leaves you a bit uncomfortable.

Future This is the “calm” track, and by MSI’s standards, that just means it’s a little trippy. It’s like taking a quick breather before diving back into pure chaos. Even here, though, there’s that trippy, messed-up feeling.

Golden I This one is a smackdown to ego, with a beat that’s relentless and hypnotic, like it’s meant to break your brain. It throws you into this twisted mental loop, like staring into a mirror that shows all the stuff you hate about yourself.

Harry Truman Honestly? This track doesn’t make sense. It feels random. But somehow, that’s exactly why it works—and it’s freaking hilarious.

Holy St** A pure shot of energy crammed into a few seconds. It’s like an electric shock that leaves you fried and confused, but somehow thrilled.

I’m Your Problem Now Jimmy’s basically mocking the person he’s singing to, and you can feel the arrogance dripping from every word. It’s got that vibe like “I’m your problem now, and you deserve it.”

J Doesn’t make sense, and it’s not supposed to. A surreal little break that keeps you glued, because you’re already in their world and there’s no getting out now.

Keepin’ Up With the Kids This track’s about that pressure to be “cool,” and it hits you with a frantic pace that gives you anxiety. Perfect for capturing the feeling of chasing something that doesn’t even exist.

Kick the Bucket Dark, heavy, and almost menacing. This one feels like a punch in the gut, and you can’t help but love it.

Last Time I Tried to Rock Your World Total rave vibes but completely wrecked. The beat’s so fast it’s like it’s trying to make you lose your mind, like being in a nonstop, chaotic party.

London Bridge One of the weirdest tracks on here, with a hypnotic, repetitive loop that leaves you feeling dizzy. It’s like being trapped in your own head with no escape.

Masturbates Yeah, the title says it all. It’s a track about sexuality, raw and unfiltered, shoved in your face without any shame. MSI at their most bold and shameless.

Planet of the Apes Pure sonic madness. It’s about chaos and control, but honestly it just sounds like a complete auditory meltdown that spins your head around.

Ready for Love This one’s actually “melodic” (well, sort of), with a hook that really sticks. It’s almost “normal” compared to the rest, but still keeps that sarcastic, bitter edge.

Seven-Eleven Takes boring everyday stuff and turns it into the weirdest thing ever. With its fast beat and bizarre lyrics, it makes the ordinary feel surreal.

Step Up, Ghetto Blaster Raw, dirty, fast. Like a mini punk anthem that explodes in your face and leaves you breathless.

Whipstickagostop A crazy mashup of hip-hop and punk that just slams. It’s loud, intense, and perfect for a pure adrenaline rush.

Z This last track almost seems like it’s there just to mess with you. MSI leaves you in a state of total confusion. You don’t really know what you just listened to, but you’re wide awake.

This album gets a 9/10.

Is a total assault on the senses, packed with raw energy, dark humor, and a defiant, chaotic spirit that’s impossible to ignore. It’s not for everyone—definitely not for those who want something “normal” or easy to digest. MSI pulls no punches in mocking everything and everyone, including themselves, and this unfiltered, provocative style is what makes the album such a standout.

The only thing keeping it from a full 10 is that a few tracks are so absurd they might alienate even some MSI fans. But if you’re into wild experimentation and punk attitude with zero apologies, this album will blow your mind.

[camp-queer-and-there]

lucille my old hag can you hit that

THIS SHIT LACED😭 im forreal a freak just lmk👀👅 ohio skibidi toilet oi oi oi😏 maxdesignpro WHAT!? HELP ME! HELP = 👍 fetus sebastian hes so ugly i cant would you rather have 1 million dollars or CANCER! art is lowkey so amazingly beautiful...gigachad sigma LET HIMM COOK!🗣️🗣️ uwu >_< anyone got anyone spongebob x reader👀 only in eastern latvia💀 ohio final boss grimace shake charlie the steak ishowspeed kai cenat the amazing digital circus pomni garten of banban caseoh gyatt super mogger looksmaxxing based and redpilled diabolical lick😈erm what the sigma oh! thats not!- getting my top surgery done at claires POV: youre ben shapiros mom and hes convincing to let him get gta5 i feel like calling you a slur.. what type of gay are you, since you dont have it in your bio... the european mind cannot comprehend this drew phillips: hello im drew phillips the ahh magic i finna be in the pit on cap. 123°!? gurrrll we are not thanksgiving turkeys😂and thats on period fahrenheit lankybox elisocray INSANE UNBOXING! gegagedigedagedago we can go gyatt for gyatt fuck that we can go rizz for rizz 19 bucks for the fortnite card double pump with the fanum tax THE BIG APPLE! drake vs kendrick beef p diddy dr disrespect annoying orange if garlic was a person my name is drake and im here to say.. kendrick lamar your disses arent okay! diss me diss me now you gotta kiss me quandale dingle mf doom dookie baby girl my pookie wubbleshmubble kins whats hurts more than being yelled at be skinned alive probably pov: i am your cashier during february (and i notice you are black) you look like tyler the creator if he was in my dreams ray william johnson sybrian dancing lady oh when the saints go marching in oh when the saints go marching in todoroki gives birth alone jumbo josh is lost in the zumb sauce lightskin touch the moon bozo cant im walking my fish why are frogs so stupid show me your griddy show me your griddy.... show me your... DOHHH THATS ONE WAY TO HIT THE GRIDDY. THATS ONE WAY TO HIT THE GRIDDY grwm to go to bath and body works temu workers getting ready to clock in day in the life of a twitch streamer your final challenge.. let yo bih go through your phone!... AH HELL NAW YO ASS TWEAKIN JIGSAW quavo stop thats the gayest shit ever amoeba sisters angst preppycon 2024 kart ride into spongebob youve been here before.. a weirdcore dreamcore kidcore clowncore playlist. my talking tom her body tea is insane😭 my aura is unmatched DO NOT PLAY CREEPY BATH GAME AT 3AM!!!!!!!! *THIS IS WHY* ALMOST DROWNED school isnt done but i am💀 omg u did call me baby.. maybe ..omg did he call her baby.. maybe.. im not okay..... bark for me. pov family dinner😭💀why u so pissed ...what me when i get mustard for christmas yall when i put on my dad fit "FREAKYbob" I AINT ANSWERING!! HELPP IM DEADDDD wait no im not maya winky boyfriend takes you out to eat but his opps slide on him [boyfriend asmr] mrbeast might ne TOO BIG to he cancelled squid games i hope someone dies and goes to hell today me staring at the sephora employee in the eye as i "sample" a $800 perfume cats when you cover their cage with a blanket blud thinks hes the main character💀 omg a rare gyatt sighting ninja fortnite sneako the ocky way new yorkian vermontian how 10 yr old me felt after putting "i dont speak tags" in an argument holy fricking smokes dude.. my cut is insane... shout out to my barber dawg! bro thinks hes the thinker waterless baked water what i would wear to my isis execution why did my dog just punch me😓 #STOPBULLYING💯

i mean.. i kind of ocd😁 you mean OBESity stop doing the golden freddy pose youre scaring the kids when a client wants to trauma dump first session when i dont have enough diamonds on episode so now i gotta shit in the school hallway in front of my crush phone and youtube video lobster activity someone shot trump in the ear he wouldnt have missed goku drip well my mother always said the best flowers get picked first dudes been waiting for his mcflurry since 1786 ladies ladies one at a time please😍 rio de janeiro the oppblock hazbin hotel boy rejoice creepy autism simulator my scary silent hill whos ivan mac n cheeks freak island home sweet home.. blud always looking at sum😭😭😭when face id acting up so you gotta LOCK IN fuck im washed WAIT IM GOATED why the mob isnt a fucking aesthetic: a thread this where the magic happens👅 style griddy👀

what

- ⌛