#“a taste of your own medicine”

[therobotmonster]

"Nice pad."

Gorinfel looked at the Chet. It was sitting on his counter, shoving handfuls of dandelion flour into its mouth. He once again attempted to cast a glamour over the thing, but it kept munching.

"Steel plate, ding-ding." The Chet mimed knocking on its own skull but said 'ding-ding' aloud in a grating but oddly likable accent. "Iron-headed they call me, it's a good, ah, whatchacalem, meatyfor."

"It's a metaphor!"

"Ooo, gotcha to talk to me, now we're pals!" Gorinfel tried to dodge out of the way, but for a creature that small (or was it big?) the Chet moved fast, and before the Prince of Silver Twilight could shout a protest, it had his hand clasped in its flour-covered paw and was shaking it vigorously. "Nice ta meetcha can I getcha name!"

"Wh-what in Titania-" Gorinfel stammered.

"Ooo, almost gotcha! Not so funny when the foots on the udder hand, right?" The Chet slapped Gorinfel on the back in the way humans did when they like you. It was, in a word, gross. "I know ya day-to-day name, Gori, you got it written on ya doorstep."

"How can you read it? It's not visible to anyone but me."

"I'm gonna break it to ya now, I ain't too careful about what I put in my mouth." The Chet said, walking over to the panty. "That yummy flour, particularly shiny marbles, DMT, black licorice... My mom gave me colloidal silver a lot... Blame whichever one of those is convenient."

The Chet started eating a head of lettuce, whole, working around the eyes and nose as it went.

"Put that down! I wasn't planning on eating him till Sparksday!" Gorinfel lunged for the Chet, but it scurried shockingly quickly for a Chet of its variable size. Mortal things weren't consistent in Arcadia, not without help, and it left most of them too baffled and bewitched to cause much harm.

"I'd love to wanna help ya, pal!" The Chet, on the other hand, seemed to know instantly what size and orientation it would be on at any given moment. Information Gorinfel lacked, and the laughing, variably-scaled man-thing delighted in sending the elf careening this way or that. "But he's mmm-mmm too good to give up."

It went on like this for some time. Gorinfel could hear the neighbors gathering, snickering at him through the frost-glass as he failed to capture one unruly mortal within his own domain.

The time it took for Gorinfel to wind up laying on the floor, exhausted, while the currently tiny human kicked its feet from the rafters and ate the last succulent leaves of lettuce.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Gorinfel said. He thought it was a demand, but it came out as a whine. "Just let me just put you under a cup and put you back outside."

"I like you Gori. That, and I owe a lot of people a lot of money. So when I saw you walking through the woods to the mushroom ring, I just thought I'd drop in and stay with you for a bit. Just until the heat's off."

"How long is that?"

"Oh, six, seven years I figure. You got any weed?"

"YEARS!? Yours or mine?"

"Oh definitely yours." The Chet said. "They are VERY mad. I wouldn't wanna be me, I tell you what."

Gorinfel stared upward in silence.

"Look, it doesn't have to be all bad." The Chet said. He jumped from the rafters, carefully taking the route that made him fill half the dining hall when he landed with a crash. Gorinfel scrambled backward, raising his hands in feeble defense against the now ogre-sized Chet.

The immense thing reached its dusted-white hand into its coat pocket. The elf opened his mouth to scream or plead or shout, he was not sure which. He was only certain that a creature this adept, this terrifyingly prepared, was reaching for an iron spike or a club of coffin-wood to smash the life from him.

Instead, he saw that hand pull out a strange bag. It was clear as glass, but moved like cloth, and inside sloshed a thick, white liquid. Only it wasn't white. It was very nearly white. Cream, one might call that shade.

"1.3 liters of Canada's finest." The Chet said with the glee that Gorinfel recognized as his own, in a moment six centuries past when he dangled an invisibility cloak in front of some wizard or another. "Whaddya say?"

Gorinfel looked up at the bag of cream. 1.3 liters was a lot and those were presently very, very big liters. It was a momentary lapse, but it was enough. Gorinfel grabbed the bag greedily, it's size remaining stable now that it was free of the Chet's grasp. With a poke of one faun-like horn, Gorinfel made a hole and began to sup in absolute delight.

It was, indeed, Canada's finest.

"Thank you." The Chet said, offhandedly, like one might say "good day".

"You're welcome." Gorinfel replied equally offhandedly, his attention fully on his repast. He enjoyed that repast for a full three seconds more before his thoughts caught up with his words.

"I'll get my stuff." The Chet said.

"Roomie."

You know how people sometimes get a cat by just having a random stray cat with no collar and no chip walk in and sit on the couch like "yo fucknuts I live here now", and the people just go "well fuck, guess I gotta go get a litterbox then."

Now consider: Humans doing that to the fae. Not being captured by the fae folk, not taken against their will but stubbornly walking in to their realm and refusing to leave before one of them agrees to take this damn creature. Faeries telling each other "naww come on, you can't make it leave, it already ate your food. Everyone knows you gotta keep them if you've fed them."

And another faery yells back "I did not fucking feed that thing, it climbed into my pantry and was eating flour straight out of the bag!"

[5ummit]

The Rings of Power ∙ 2x01 || 2x08

[slayerchick303]

And once again, I say, "AND NEVERAFTER WAS THE HORROR SEASON?!"

[doberbutts]

Mods that make Astarion's crows feet and laugh lines and grinch smile disappear: boooooooooooo

Mods that make Astarion's hair even fluffier: yaaaaaaaaaaaay

[oddsconvert]

I need everyone to look at this HILARIOUS and super yummy art that the amazingly talented and brilliant @sorrowful-hyacinth made based off some of my recent anon asks!!!! 🤣😍💖

I laughed way too hard at this omg - I CHERISH IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART!!! THANK YOU! ❤️❤️❤️ I have the bestest anons hehehe, they're always gunning for my boysss 😌🤭

[cyren-myadd]

[gamergirl929]

If I didn't think I could hate Ashlyn Harris anymore than I already do, Sophia Bush does an interview and makes me hate them both to the NTH DEGREE.

[ugartecoco]

bvb vs psv 13.03.24 soft pats for baby // brain damage inducing pats for old man

[hxrrypotter]

i love that we all agree that sirius is in fact a girl dad

[thewolveswolf]

i ordered kfc as a surprise for @mrghostrat since he’s not feeling v well but accidentally ordered a spicy wrap by mistake… do u think i’ve heard the end of it??? absolutely not tphptthp

[deathlooksgoodonyou-if]

Soo how would Jules react to MC being in a relationship with any of the ROs

Die 'cause that's the only thing they are good at. (Apart from hurting others)

[buglaur]

another unsuccessful date, but by far the most successful one yet!!

[oddsconvert]

LOOKY AT THIS GLORIOUS ART OF IZAAK BY THE AMAZINGLY TALENTED @befuddled-calico-whump THAT THEY DID FOR MY BIRTHDAY LAST WEEK!!! 😱😍😭

I literally did a die when I saw it! I can't scream and thank you enough! ✨ It captures him and his essence so perfectly; the scowl, the scars and bruises, the shock collar (🤌🤌🤌), his long wavy hair and beard. Actual chefs kiss! I'm in love!

[thingspeoplesayintoontown]

[sigynsilica]

I don't hate Christians. I just don't agree with their lifestyle or choices.

I have a little niece to look out for, you know. If she sees Christians yelling at people for existing, how am I supposed to explain that to her? Do I just tell her some people legitimately believe people who disagree with them deserve torture? What kind of a world is that to grow up in?

[bootlegwatermelon]

just wanna show you guys that i actually made an edit a while ago :3c