#“Morning Tim. You fell asleep during our marathon.”

[ronnyraygun]

do you still like the Brentwood boys 👉👈

God, always. They’re my little guys. I love them so much. I want them back every day.

[kellexplainsitall]

There is so much to say and I want to remember as much as I possibly can.

Tuesday, March 24

Tim and I both worked from home for the day. My sciatica had flared up pretty badly, but I really, really wanted to try to run. I prepped myself that I may not be able to, but Tim and I got dressed and from the first step, I knew I was going to get my 2 miles in. My back was uncomfortable, but bearable! Tim and I ran 2.32 miles and I smiled the entire time. I am so happy I got in that last run with Tim before baby!

The rest of the day went surprisingly fast. I had most of my work stuff wrapped up anyway, and Jenny picked up Miles after our last walk. Tim and I ate dinner and then we packed the car and headed to the hospital. It was so weird to keep thinking ‘this is the last X before baby.’

Our appointment was at 6, and we got checked in very quickly. By 7 p.m., they started me on cervidil, as I was still only 1 cm. dilated. Cervidil takes about 12 hours to work, so Tim and I settled in to try and get some sleep. Unfortunately, cervidil almost immediately caused me to have some seriously painful contractions.

I eventually caved and asked the nurse what to do – I thought I may be in labor, to be honest. The contractions were that strong. Unfortunately, she said it’s a normal side effect. They gave me a baby-safe Ambien, which helped me sleep a little – and also made me very, very goofy.

There was some type of pain medication that they said they could give me only twice during labor so I was apprehensive about getting it so soon, but I eventually (maybe around 2 a.m.) asked for it. It worked so well, and I was able to get some sleep.

Wednesday, March 25

In the morning, they checked to see how the Cervidil worked and turns out I was still only 1 centimeter dilated. I could have cried.

The next option was to try the balloon method, in which they basically take a very long instrument, shove it up you and then expand it like a balloon. This was INCREDIBLY painful, the pain meds had worn off, so I was dealing with this very intrusive measure, in addition to strong contractions, as the pain meds had worn off. I cried a lot. And then I kept apologizing for crying.

This could take up to 12 hours, but fortunately for me, it only took about 4. However, I had to ask for the second dose of pain meds for the contractions. It feels like the worst period cramp you can imagine with terrible pressure in your back. The nurse told me to just go for it, as I was struggling.

I should mention that we had hired a doula, but due to coronavirus, only Tim was allowed in. She had given Tim a crash course in doula-ing, and he did such a good job of helping me through contractions. He would put pressure on my hips to help relieve it and also try to distract me by talking about running. He is just a good partner.

Anyway, once the balloon came out (Fun fact! You pull it out like a tampon! BUT WOW IT IS MUCH LARGER THAN A TAMPON.), they checked me again and I was only 3-4 cm. Sigh. However, I was still having strong contractions, so they moved me from pre-labor to Labor and Delivery, which was great because we had a much bigger room! Everyone thought the baby would be coming so soon!

But that didn’t happen. Around 3 p.m., my contractions were so painful, I was crying again. I was trying to put off the epidural for as long as I could, but my angel of a nurse told me to go for it. The epidural did hurt, and it was very hard to stay still because of the contractions but after about 30 minutes, I finally, finally had some relief. But it also made me vomit profusely – so any calories I had down were gone.

However, that meant I couldn’t eat anymore or move my legs. BUT, worth it because I wasn’t crying in pain. Everyone thought the baby would come either later Wednesday or early Thursday. I am not sure what we even did to pass the time. I know we didn’t read or watch television. I guess we just talked? We had nurses and midwives coming to check me. You’re supposed to progress about 1 cm. every two hours and I was barely making it. Also, since you can’t walk, they empty your bladder FOR YOU! I was slowly losing any concept of modesty.

Tim and I eventually fell asleep and around 11 p.m., my water broke. It was the CRAZIEST thing! I felt this POP! And suddenly, water was gushing out of me. It was such a strange feeling. We really had hoped that would lead to labor, but I was still only about 6 cm. dilated. Once they cleaned me up, we went back to sleep – hopeful real labor would start soon!

Thursday, March 26

I was only allowed to have Italian ice – so I ate six orange ones over the course of the epidural! There was so, so much downtime, and I really thought I would be bored. But I wasn’t! I don’t even know what we did, but the time passed.

Around 9, they came in and checked me and I was 10 cm. dilated! FINALLY! They told me I would start pushing soon. That happened around 10, and I naively thought baby would be coming soon. So many people told me I would have an easy and fast delivery because I was so active. However, that was not the case for me, and the epidural really didn’t help with vaginal pain, it was just blocking contraction pain. And the vaginal pain HURT.

Every time I could feel the pressure of a contraction coming, Tim would hold one leg and the nurse would hold the other, and I would have to hold my thighs with my arms out like chicken wings, and then push as hard as I could as they counted until 10. Pushing was so, so, so hard. I was so tired from being in labor for so long and also, I had not really eaten anything in hours.

Tim was counting until 10 for me (I’d do it 3-4 times per contraction) and he kept yelling chicken wing in lieu of a number to remind me. After 90 minutes, more nurses and midwives came filtering in, so I knew I finally had to be close. (And yes! I did poop myself. I was MORTIFIED, but they told me it was a good sign – it meant that I was using the right muscles.

ANYWAY. The final pushing took so, so, so long. The pressure was so painful, I was crying at the end, swearing that I could not possibly do it anymore. In fact, I looked up at the mirror on the ceiling (WTF!) and could see his head stuck coming out. Little nugget has such a HUGE head, it was essentially stuck in my birth canal. It hurt so bad. I cannot even think of words to describe that pressure. It was the most excruciating thing I have ever felt.

People keep asking if it was like running a marathon. No. It was like running 12 marathons back-to-back at your 5K pace.

Finally, at 12:01 p.m., Keegan made his way into the world. Unfortunately, they had to whisk him out immediately, which was so, so, so, so, so scary. He wasn’t making noise and his hands were blue. Fortunately, he was just stuck in the birth canal a little too long, and they were able to get him to cry and they finally laid him on my chest. All the cliches are true - as soon as I met him, I felt this love that I never even knew existed. I never felt particularly attached to him in the womb, but now that he is out, it's a whole other world.

I still had to deliver the placenta, and they had to stitch me up - somehow, I only needed one stitch! The midwife said that the price I paid in delivery will most likely lead to an easier recovery. I didn't tear as much because the muscles had time to stretch. Anyway, Keegan is 21 inches long and weighed 7 pounds, 10 ounces.

This is already so long, so I will be back to talk about the rest of the hospital stay, breastfeeding, coming home and adjusting to our new normal.

[kellexplainsitall]

Oh, hey.

I had some time to kill Thursday after the afternoon sessions, so I decided to walk over to the Full House house. The internet led me astray, and I ended up walking close to 3 miles (instead of 1.5) to find it.

But it was worth it. I loved Full House growing up, so it was very surreal to see it. This may be the only chance I have to visit San Francisco, so I am glad I went. I walked halfway home, and then ordered a Lyft for the rest. I was tired and hot, so whatever. The conference had a free happy hour, so I crashed that for a bit, and actually made a friend. Truth be told, I was uploading the aforementioned photo of myself to various social media outlets and drinking free wine when he approached me to chat. It was fun, my parents and I went out for a drink after, then we ordered delivery pizza because we were exhausted.

https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4402/36525093415_7f8e91dd52_k.jpg

I was up at 4 a.m., and went for a quick run. I knew I'd be sitting all day (LOLOLOL FORESHADOWING), so I thought I'd log a few miles. The city was so quiet and dark, I loved it. Post-run, I showered, finished packing, said goodbye and ordered a ride to the airport. My flight to Charlotte went flawlessly, we actually landed early, and I survived by playing Candy Crush and listening to episode of My Favorite Murder.

Once I landed in Charlotte, the real fun begin. I landed at 4:20. My 5:50 flight to Harrisburg was canceled. So, they booked me on the 2:50 flight to Philadelphia and then Harrisburg. Friend, that will not help me. I am in the air. While still on the plane, I called customer service. They told me there was no way they could get me to Harrisburg.

My options were fly to Baltimore at 6 or FLY TO CHICAGO AND THEN PHILLY AND LAND AT 12:45 A.M.  Needless to say, I choose Baltimore. Tim said he would come get me, I was scheduled to land around 7:30. I cried, I will not lie. I was exhausted. OK. So, I go to print out my boarding pass and it's for the 7:55 flight to Baltimore, not 6. Cue: rage. Whatever, I have a seat. I am cross-eyed with hunger at this point, so I housed some Mexican and four drinks. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME. I made some more friends, everyone agreed my story was the worst of everyone's.

Thanks.

It's finally time to board, and our flight is delayed until 8:30. I give up.  I live in this airport now. I am so beyond exhausted. I finally get on the motherfucking airplane. THIS IS IT. LOL DELAYED 30 MINUTES. Why god why.

We finally take off, land after an hour. Oh... they don' t have a gate for us. This is really helpful. 20 minutes later, we finally get off. I go wait in baggage claim. And wait. And wait. And wait. I am losing my mind, I am beyond exhaustion and am delirious. I finally locate someone from American. "The bags from Charlotte were unloaded a while ago."

LOLOLOLOL MY BAG IS MISSING.

I start crying. I am not proud.  We do all the paperwork and they tell me my bag should arrive in Baltimore around 12:30, but they can take it to Harrisburg in the morning. The woman asked me what I needed in my bag "so badly."

Sorry. But seriously?

I tried to calmly explain I had been away for work for a week, so a lot of belongings I "needed" were in there. After I finished the paperwork, Tim came to get me from the parking lot, where he had been patiently waiting, like an adult, and not thinking "go fuck yourself" to everyone like I had.

Just saying.

However, there was a ton of traffic, for whatever reason, getting to the pickup, so I sat there waiting. And like a big, dramatic baby, I cried. I was beyond exhaustion and hunger, and I just wanted my things and to go home. I had a meltdown in the car, the "I AM NEVER TRAVELING AGAIN" kind.

I fell asleep for about an hour in the car, and once home (slightly before 2), we were both out. I debated skipping run club, but I am glad I went, since I missed last week. I had a FANTASTIC RUN, despite the odds, 12 miles at 7:55 pace with humidity and a high DP, and I felt great the whole time. My garmin was in my bag, so I used Tim's, and I didn't really know how to work it, so I was mostly running blind. It's good to push yourself sometimes.

It's really good for me to push myself. Post-run and shower, we hit the market, Costco, Giant and then Tim took me to get my car from the airport. We didn't really do anything the rest of the day, I was tired, so we were pretty lazy.

I forgot to change my alarm for Sunday morning, so I awoke in a panic, 20 minutes later than I had originally planned. I was only 4 minutes late to meet everyone, so that wasn't too bad. We drove out to the rail trail, since we had a longer one on the books. I haven't decided if I will run a fall marathon yet. Right now, longer runs are feeling pretty good though.

I took a nap once home, then Tim and I decided to take our bikes out for a spin, since we just got them back from the shop, where they received tuneups. I hate competitive bike riding, but I love just cruising around. We met Nadya and Liz for a round at the Speakeasy during our trek, which was fun. We didn't get home until dinner, so we just ate and went to bed, well, I did.

And now it's back to reality. I have to admit, I am really looking forward to returning to routine. I ran some EASY miles this morning, I started in the low 9s, then ran a few high 8s. Last week was a lot of mileage for me, so I am cutting back a bit this week.