#“I already raised 6 kids I shouldn't have to deal with this anymore” YOU HAD 5 MORE HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT MAKE IT MY PROBLEM I DIDN'T MAKE

[leniisreallycool]

It is not my place to parent my younger siblings.

It is not my job to raise my younger siblings.

It is not my responsibility if my younger siblings are not good people.

My place, job, and responsibility is to to help guide them in a good direction.

It is not my fault if they end up being the most fucked up people in existence because I'm doing what I can.

I try so hard, and for what? They're not my children and they're not my responsibility. If my parents ask me to make sure the little ones don't kill each other while they're gone, that's fine. That's my job then. But anything more than that is at my own discretion.

It's so hard to remind myself that it's not my place to raise them. That I need to step back. I didn't choose to be born and I certainly didn't choose to have them.

I'm barely an adult for fuck's sake I didn't ask for this shit I shouldn't be stressing over whether the little ones know not to scream in public or blatantly stare at people with disabilities

[schreibfeather]

Dreams Of Today - Chapter 6

Summary: Number one: Malfoy was a git. Nothing new there. Number two: He was an arrogant, annoying, little ferret. Number three: He used every chance he got to humiliate her and – and… that wasn’t right. Last year… at the Yule Ball… he had been acting surprisingly nice toward her. To be fair, Malfoy had also spent a big part of that night annoying the hell out of her… but… he’d also been… really sweet.. Sequel to Songs of Yesterday. femHarry, HP/DM, Romance, Angst, Fluff , Slowburn

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | (link to masterlist)

6 – Midnight Confessions

(3rd week of September - Friday)

HALEY

She is evil. She is pure evil, Haley thought, after she had finally completed the last evening of detention on Friday night. Would the wound on her right hand ever completely heal again? Her skin was burning like crazy. And as if that wasn't enough, she was practically asleep on her feet. Her nights with Umbridge had forced her to try and finish all of her homework until late into the night. She didn't remember the last night she'd slept more than four hours.

With drooping eyes Haley trudged down the hall. Was that a bench to her right? She didn't know if she'd be able to make it all the way up to the tower. But after a little break… she'd surely be able to go on.

As soon as Haley had sunken to the bench, her eyes closed. Just a moment, she thought, just a little moment, just a little…

Haley blinked. Where was she? How late was it? Why was her hand so cold?

Wait. It wasn't only cold but also wet. She looked down at her hand in confusion. Her hand was floating inside a bowl that was filled with a thick, yellowish liquid. And most importantly… her skin had stopped burning! It had to be because of the liquid! Hermione must have come and brought it. She'd have to thank her.

"Thanks Hermi-" Haley started to say as she turned around to see if her friend was still around somewhere. But Hermione was nowhere to be found.

Instead she was faced with a boy in Slytherin green robes. Her dearest enemy was sitting on the bench beside her. She wasn't even surprised anymore.

"You again?" She asked in a quiet voice. She was way too tired to deal with him.

For a second, he simply looked at her, a calm expression on his face.

"Are you feeling better?" Malfoy asked just as quietly. Haley frowned.

"Your hand..." He clarified, with a gesture of his own hand.

Oh. Her hand… Her… hand? With all the force she could muster up Haley pulled her right hand out of the bowl it had been resting in.

"You did this?" She inquired in alarm. Had the liquid actually worsened her wound?

Malfoy reached around her to keep the bowl from spilling over.

"Careful," the boy admonished, "I spent hours brewing this!" He glared at her. His face was only inches away from hers. Then it was gone.

"I didn't poison it," he said, looking down at his hands, "anyway, your hand should definitely feel better now." He paused, frowning slightly, "It contains Murtlap tentacles. They are often used in healing potions. Not that you would know," He added the last sentence in a slightly mocking tone.

Haley clenched her teeth. How dare he insult her in such a situation? Well… it was true that potions wasn't her strongest subject but still…

"Just for the record, I did know that." She said defiantly, reaching for the bowl with her left hand and holding it up to her face for inspection.

"Like I thought," she declared in a thoughtful tone, "Murtlap Essence. Let me guess, you made this from strained and pickled Murtlap tentacles?" She didn't wait for an answer. The liquid indeed looked like the one Hermione had made for her the other day.

"Hm… I guess, I can use this then." In her mind she thanked Hermione for the small bits of knowledge she always shared with whoever was there to listen. Admittedly most of the time it was more than a tad annoying but at times such as now it proved very helpful.

Haley set the bowl down at her side again and carefully let her hand soak up the liquid.

She tried not to sigh at the soothing effect it had on her burning hand.

It was hard to ignore the smug grin on Malfoy's face. Arrogant git. Why was he even doing all this?

"Stop it!" She snapped, once she couldn't ignore his presence anymore.

"Stop what?" Malfoy drawled in an amused tone. Haley turned to face him. Why did he have to be so irritating? And confusing? And attractive? No – that wasn't right! She quickly shook her head to get rid of that particular thought. It was important to keep her thoughts strictly rational! But that was easier said than done, especially with the boy right in front of her. His head was cupped in his hands with his elbows resting on top of his knees. And he was smiling… like he was exactly where he wanted to be in this moment. She simply couldn't make sense of him. Haley took a deep breath. Focus, she told herself. She looked away from him. It was easier to focus that way.

"Stop being like this," she murmured, "Stop being nice to me. Don't act like you care when you're going to treat me like the dirt underneath your shoes just a second later! Stop confusing me! Stop toying around with me like this!" Her voice had gradually started to get louder. All of a sudden she felt so angry. It was like all the build up frustration and confusion from the last weeks was finally coming to a peak.

"If you're going to hate me, fine! Do it! But I can't deal with this any longer! This – this – I don't even know – whatever the hell this is!" Malfoy was just sitting there, quietly taking in her words. Why wasn't he saying anything? Why wasn't he defending himself? Why was he just sitting there?

Haley hurled the bowl away from her. It rolled around on the floor for a few seconds, spilling its content everywhere. She didn't wait for it to stop rolling before she continued her speech.

"Why won't you say anything?" She asked, facing him now, "What do you want from me, for Merlin's sake! I just don't get it. I don't get you!" She said in frustration using her hands to express her exasperation. She breathed heavily. Malfoy still said nothing.

Then her voice turned a bit calmer, a bit softer, until it was nothing more than a whisper, "I don't understand why this is getting to me so much… It shouldn't… It shouldn't matter at all."

Haley turned away from him again. She would just leave. Why had she let her emotions get away with her? She shouldn't have tossed the bowl of Murtlap Essence. Her hand was burning up again.

But she couldn't let her discomfort show. Malfoy was watching her. She could feel his eyes on her.

The Slytherin was getting up now. Fine, leave, Haley thought, and don't bother me again!

But he wasn't leaving. Instead he was walking toward the bowl, that was lying in the middle of the hall. With his back to her, he knelt down in front of it and took something out of his robe pocket.

Once he was finished with whatever he'd been doing, he carefully walked back over to where she was sitting. 'What are you doing?' Haley wanted to ask but seeing what Malfoy was doing silenced the words in her throat. He was kneeling down in front of her, reminding her of that time in the class room earlier this week. He'd knelt down then, too, picking up her wand for her. What he was doing now, was even more shocking.

In his right hand he was holding a handkerchief that was soaked with the yellowish liquid.

With his left hand he reached for her right one and gently wrapped the handkerchief around her injury. Even after he was done he didn't let go of her hand. It felt so much better now.

How easy would it be to just give in. To just surrender to whatever it was Malfoy was planning for her. But it didn't feel right to do that just yet. Still, it wouldn't hurt to let her hand rest there for a little while. Malfoy's fingers were stroking over it with such care. Why though? Why…?

"I..." Malfoy started to say after some time, "I... probably owe you… an apology." He chuckled, never looking away from Haley's hand.

"It feels like… I'm always apologizing to you…"

Haley raised her eyebrows. "Are you kidding me? I remember one apology."

"Oh really?" He asked, sounding genuinely surprised, "Well… I must have done it in my mind then."

Haley snorted at that. Was this boy for real?

"An apology doesn't really mean much if you're going to do the same thing all over again."

"I wasn't planning to-"

"Did you already forget the incident on the train? Or when you were being an insensitive prat only one week later?" Haley interrupted his excuses.

"But I didn't mean that!"

"Well, why did you do it then?" The atmosphere around them felt electrified, as they quietly stared at one another.

Malfoy was the first to look away. He sighed deeply.

"I was going to apologize for that. Should I not do that?" His hands weren't touching hers anymore. Instead his arm was wrapped around his middle loosely. Like he needed something to hold on to. Haley felt something inside her soften at the sight. The feeling irritated her. Where had it come from?

"I didn't say that. You can do what you want but… an insincere apology… that's just a waste of time." She hadn't meant to sound this bitter toward the end.

Malfoy was biting his lips in a thoughtful way. It seemed like he was really considering her words.

"I… I hurt you. Many times…" He whispered, "I was such a prat to you, I ignored you I – I insulted you, embarrassed you – I – I – I…" He swallowed thickly.

"I'm sorry for doing that to you." He looked up at her then, eyes brimming with sincerity and something like… remorse.

"I wish I could promise not to do that again but… I doubt you'd believe me." Malfoy glanced over at her hand almost longingly. Then he looked right into her eyes.

"Do you know that your eyes are really distracting?" He asked out of the blue.

"I dreamed about them once and after I woke up I spent an hour trying to remember the exact shade of green they had."

Haley blinked. Her heart had just skipped a beat! Why did he have to say these kinds of things? And why did he have to say them in such a way that almost seemed like he was awestruck? By her? Why did he have to keep confusing her until she herself wasn't sure what she felt anymore?

She didn't like this feeling. Didn't like it at all. She felt like she was drowning… Like she was slowly losing control…

Or maybe she was going crazy? She closed her eyes firmly.

"You're saying all that. You're using all these nice words but… in the end…" Haley took a deep breath, "In the end you still haven't explained. Anything." She concluded, focusing her eyes on the ceiling above her now.

"As far as I know, this is nothing but another game of yours," she continued, "I'm sick of being the punchline to another of your jokes – I –"

"Does this seem like a joke to you?" Malfoy yelled, effectively silencing her. "Look at me, for Merlin's sake!"

Haley glanced down to where Malfoy was kneeling. Literally on his knees, trying to make her believe him. It seemed like the picture of sincerity.

Well… in that moment he did seem sincere. More than that! But still… could she seriously just forget everything that had happened before?

"It's true," Malfoy admitted, "Lately… I haven't really done a lot to make you trust me but… don't you remember last year?"

"Last year?" Haley echoed, slightly confused about the sudden turn the conversation was taking.

"Yes," it seemed her non-aggressive reaction was encouraging him, "last year. Don't you remember how I helped you get through all the tasks? Why would I have done that if my goal was to harm you?"

"What do you mean you helped me through all the tasks…?" What was he on about? Had she missed something?

"Well, I guess it was just that one task…" he conceded.

The frown on Haley's face became more prominent. Malfoy sighed, rolling his eyes.

"The Second Task? The egg-clue? You had a little problem with breathing underwater and I presented you with a fool-proof solution? Did you forget that?"

"The gillyweed!" That's what the boy had been talking about! Now she knew where this was going. Except… no she still didn't have an idea.

"But… but that was Dobby! I got the gillyweed from Dobby!"

For a moment Malfoy had seemed elated at the recognition in her voice. Now he looked confused.

"No, no, no! That was me!" He said with a frown, "I gave you that note, remember? I was the one who told you to meet me in front of the kitchens that night. I gave the gillyweed to Dobby and asked him to give it to you! That was all me!"

His eyes opened wide, he seemingly tried to convince her with nothing but his grey orbs. But that wasn't even necessary. In a second a few things that hadn't hadn't quite added up before were making much more sense. It had seemed suspicious that she had met Dobby in the one night where she'd purposefully made her way down to the kitchens. And coincidentally he had also got her the gillyweed on top of that. If Haley remembered correctly, Dobby had seemed as if he was hiding something from her. And also…

"Neville!" She exclaimed, thinking of another thing.

"Actually, my name is Dra–"

"You stole his book about the water plants! Neville said, he had lost it, but… that was actually you, wasn't it? You found out about the gillyweed through Neville's book!"

Malfoy simply raised one eyebrow in answer.

Haley felt like something in her vision was righting itself all of a sudden. Something that had been upside-down for a long time was now standing right-side-up in front of her. It was a thrilling, exhilarating feeling. Like suddenly anything she could imagine was possible.

"You've been helping me… all along," she said in wonder. She remembered how helpless she'd felt back then. How much of a burden the whole tournament had been. And he'd really been there by her side. Irritating her. Disrupting her focus. But there nevertheless.

Malfoy shrugged. He wasn't meeting her eyes. Was that a faint blush she saw on his cheeks?

"Why didn't you tell me?" Haley asked.

The Slytherin sighed, "Well… you know…"

Haley waited, one eyebrow in the air.

"It's not… really – something… I would do, is it? Can't have people mistake me for a Gryffindor! Or even worse, one of those sickeningly well-meaning Hufflepuffs." He was shuddering in disgust. But beneath that, it was obvious that a part of him didn't worry about the Hufflepuff part too much.

Maybe he even enjoyed doing something nice for a change. Or was that thought too optimistic?

"You could have told me though," Haley said, leaning forward a bit. And then she did two things. One thing she herself wasn't expecting and the other thing, she had been wanting to do for a long time. She slipped from the bench to the ground until she was situated in front of Malfoy. Kneeling as well. Then she reached for his shoulder and let her hand rest on top of it softly.

She took a deep breath and released it in one short sentence, "Thank you."

The words seemed to confuse him. He kept looking back and forth between her face and the hand on his shoulder in a surprised way.

"Why…" He paused, trying to find his voice, "Why would you thank me? After everything..."

He trailed of. All of a sudden he looked inexplicably sad.

Haley bit her lips. It was hard to find the right words.

"I… kept hoping..." she said in a quiet voice.

"Hoping?" Malfoy asked, still sounding doubtful. But there was also a hopefulness in his voice that took her back to a wondrous night with a fairy that seemed like it had transpired in a whole different life time.

"Hoping that… I hadn't been wrong about you. That-" She stopped herself. While she'd been talking Malfoy had slowly raised his head until he was finally meeting her eyes. There it was again. Hope. What was it he was hoping for? Regardless of the answer it was that urgency that made her heart stop. That made her throw caution to the wind and tell him exactly what had been on her mind. What she had been afraid to say in case all of this was nothing more than a joke. It was now or never.

"That there was more to you. More than what you let everyone else see. I kept hoping…what I saw that night… That it was true. That you were more than just a heartless bully."

For a moment Malfoy didn't say a word. He just looked at her in wonder. Almost like he wasn't understanding what she had been saying. Haley didn't dare blink. She was too anxious for the Slytherin's reaction. And when had her heart started to beat so fast? Maybe it had something to do with the way Malfoy's lips were slightly parted or how his eyes were virtually shining.

Then he made a sound between a laugh and a sob. And he laughed again in a way that was hopeful and hesitant at the same time.

In a move that was almost too fast for Haley's Seeker reflexes, Malfoy took her left hand in his.

He removed her other hand from his shoulder and cradled it in his own hands as well. He didn't look at her. He was too busy watching their hands. But that didn't mean Haley couldn't look at him.

He seemed almost delighted. Like he just-

Huh? Had he just pressed a kiss onto her hand? Haley's eyes widened. They hadn't even talked about this. This other thing.

Without giving him a chance to kiss her hand a second time, she pulled it away from his grasp, ignoring the disappointment on his face. She looked away.

"Sorry," Malfoy whispered, "I… I couldn't help it…"

She didn't answer but she glanced over at him quickly. He was blushing again! Haley chuckled quietly at that. It made him look really cute. She bit her lip shyly. Where had that thought come from? She leaned her knees against her chest and wrapped her arms around them, letting her head rest on top of her arms.

It was quiet for a few seconds. Or minutes? Haley didn't know. She also didn't dare look up from the ground.

Malfoy inhaled audibly, as if he wanted to say something. But there were no words. Had she imagined that only? After another moment he took another deep breath. This time he also spoke.

"I… Does that mean you're… are you giving me another chance?"

Haley was conflicted. One part of her said 'Don't be a fool. He's only tricking you. It wouldn't be the first time', while the other more forgiving part told her, 'Can't you see that he's being sincere? What will you do if he ends up becoming a death eater and it's all your fault. Because you turned him down today?'.

Haley had often heard that she was like her mother. She always saw the good in people. It sounded like a positive trait at first. But she couldn't shake the feeling that it would come back to bite her one day. Haley had already made up her mind as she was raising her head, and meeting Malfoy's grey eyes at last.

"How do I know… that you won't change your mind again next week?" She had to ask that. It was a legitimate doubt, wasn't it?

Malfoy chuckled darkly, "I brought this on myself," he whispered, "Of course you don't believe me. Why would you?" It was a question but he didn't give her a chance to answer.

"Let me…show you," he said with renewed confidence, "Give me… I don't know – three months to show you how serious I am about this. How much I… care… about you."

Malfoy looked so sincere in that moment, she wanted to cry. Well she wasn't about to cry in front of him. And not over something like that.

"Three months?" She asked skeptically.

Malfoy pouted at her tone. "Fine, two months," he conceded.

Haley raised her eyebrows in a doubtful way.

Malfoy scowled. "One. Month. Then." He gritted out.

She inspected her fingernails in an unimpressed way. If she was going to keep herself from grinning, she couldn't look at him. His irritation was far too amusing.

"Half a month?" He asked quietly.

"Four weeks it is then," Haley told her fingernails in a disinterested voice.

"Fine," Malfoy spat, "Two weeks, four weeks, I'm sure I can convince you of my fabulousness in only a day."

Haley snorted at that. She finally looked up at him, laughing.

"Yeah?" She asked curiously. Malfoy's eyes were full of determination. She smiled.

"You bet. I'll show you on our trip to Hogsmeade next weekend."

"Excuse me?" Haley frowned. Had she missed something?

"There's a Hogsmeade trip planned for next weekend and I-"

"I know that. What I meant is I don't remember you actually asking me to go or anything."

He looked dumbfounded.

"But I thought-"

"What?" She asked in a dangerous voice.

Malfoy cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

"So…there's a Hogsmeade trip coming up next weekend. I thought you might like – I mean -" He stopped when he saw the unimpressed expression on her face.

"Would you – would you like to go together?" He was trying really hard. Haley saw that. But she couldn't bring herself to simply say yes. Not after everything that had happened before. And there was also something else. She was forgetting something. Or someone? But she couldn't remember what it was. She blamed it on her tiredness.

"I'll think about it," she said, and hadn't she said those exact words not too long ago? To someone else?

Malfoy had seemed optimistic before. Now his expression was back to being slightly guarded.

"If you don't want to just say so. I don't care for false promises and empty words." He glared at her warily. Maybe it hadn't been the most clever way of putting it.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Well, you didn't say yes!" Malfoy interrupted her hotly.

We have to be the most stubborn and hot-headed people in the castle, Haley thought to herself. Was it possible for them to have even one conversation without either of them raising their voice?

"I didn't say no either," she reminded him, trying to stay calm.

Malfoy regarded her in a thoughtful way for a moment.

"So, you're really going to think about it?" He inquired finally. Haley nodded.

"Make sure to let me know once you've decided," he said, seeming somewhat convinced.

"Sure," she whispered, "You'll be the first to know." She smiled softly.

There was a tiny smile on his face as well and for a few seconds they just sat there softly smiling at one another. In that moment it was hard to imagine how cold his eyes had been, how they had reminded her of a harsh winter storm. Now the iciness had made way for a more… a more…

Haley yawned. Her eyes were drooping again. Now that all the excitement was somewhat over, her body had decided to remind her, that she was incredibly tired.

Malfoy was getting to his feet. "Come on, it's late," he said, extending his hand.

It would change everything if she took his hand now. But maybe that wasn't a bad thing?

She briefly considered ignoring it and getting up on her own but in her current state of tiredness the thought alone seemed nearly impossible.

So she took the hand that was hovering in front of her and let Malfoy help her up.

She still felt the same. She was still Haley. But then, what had she been expecting?

"I'll take you back to your common room," Malfoy told her. He was still holding her hand.

"I'll manage, thanks," she muttered with a frown. His hand was cold. Why was it so cold?

"I'm sure of that. But it's already past curfew. What if a teacher catches you?"

Was he worrying about her? What a ridiculous thought.

"And what are you going to do about that?" She asked curiously. It didn't feel different from holding Hermione's hand really.

"Well, I'm a prefect. Did you forget that?" He adjusted his grip on her hand. There was no spark. Shouldn't there be a spark? Or a tingly feeling at least? In any case it didn't feel unpleasant.

"You sound like Percy," she chuckled, "And what are you going to say, when we come across a teacher? Will you tell them that you were just escorting me back to Gryffindor Tower?"

"Well I… I'll think of something…" He said unconvincingly. He wasn't even acknowledging her jab about Percy. Instead he started to swing their hands back and forth. Haley wasn't sure Malfoy was even aware of what his hand was doing.

"Just… come on," he insisted impatiently. The way he tugged at her hand, Haley thought he was trying to tear her arm off or something. At least it wasn't her injured hand.

"As convincing as that sounds, I'm afraid I-" She stopped herself. Was that the sound of footsteps?

Malfoy seemed to hear it, too. He let her hand fall without hesitating for a second. She knew why he'd done it of course but It kind of bothered her that he was so quick to let go.

"Ah, there you are. Hermione was worried you'd gotten yourself into trouble aga-"

Haley turned to where the voice had come from. Ron. He hadn't spotted Malfoy at first but now that he'd stepped further into the hall, he glared at him.

"Leave her alone! You slimy, arrogant, little-"

"Weasley." Malfoy interrupted him in a rather neutral tone.

Ron watched him warily, clearly waiting for the insults that were bound to follow.

Haley was waiting, too. She didn't know what she was waiting for though.

Malfoy turned to face her again. He was wearing his signature smirk but it didn't seem mean-spirited to her. There was still warmth in his eyes.

"Night, Potter," he drawled. Then he turned around and vanished in the direction of the dungeons.

Ron was at her side in less than a second.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you? What happened?" He asked, looking her over worriedly.

Haley didn't know how to properly answer either of those questions. So she simply shook her head.

"I really don't get that git. He usually never wastes an opportunity to be a jerk. I mean what was that? Honestly..." Ron trailed off, shaking his head. "You may be right about him. His behaviour is definitely suspicious. We should keep our eyes on him – Haley?"

Haley had been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't paid attention to where she was going. She was standing in the middle of the stair case that lead up to their tower with her shoe stuck inside one of the trick steps. Ron had caught her arm, so that she wouldn't fall.

"I missed the trick step," Haley said in confusion. She never missed the trick step.

"You missed the trick step," Ron repeated sounding equally confused.

"Are you really okay?" He asked, once he'd helped her pull her shoe out of the step.

"I – yeah," Haley offered slowly, "I'm just… really really tired."

It wasn't like Ron to press for more information. Even if he did suspect there was more behind her words. He wasn't comfortable talking about "feelings and all that mushy stuff", as he would put it. And he'd never initiate that sort of conversation. There was no doubt he would listen to her worries if she came to talk to him about them. But he'd let her come to him in her own time. It was something she appreciated about her friend. After all she wasn't near ready to tell him that Draco Malfoy had kind of asked her on a date. And… what was even more insane was the fact that she was actually considering to say yes.

…