#“C'mon! We're NOT that bad!” -Darkheart

[askbanishedknight]

"Oh, it’s totally the latter, my friend. I wander solo because... well, you know, I've been a bit exiled and whatnot..."

Banished Knight let out a sigh as the voices in his head continue to argue with each other.

"But... I reckon none of you fine folks are rockin' around with... Like... Three snazzy voices from your swords, plus another trio of melodious whispers from your inner emotions... Huh?"

"Oh, my esteemed sovereign... Could it truly be you...?"

"I... You... Goodness me, you appear rather intriguingly transformed since the last we crossed paths..."

- @askbanishedknight (or Guardian!Knight)

{OOC: BTW the three different colors of his text represent the three SFOTH swords he wields, Firebrand, Darkheart, and Illumina, and yes there's voices in his head.}

The sudden voice startles the King and his companions. At first, the Ice Dagger is raised- the King now protectively stanced in front of his three allies- before blue eyes widen in realisation.

"... Ah. I apologise, but I am not.... your ruler."

It seems to pain the King to even have to say it. But the Dagger is lowered, and a small smile falls upon his features. He bows his head in respect.

"It is a pleasure to speak with you, however. Stay as long as you wish. You are welcomed here, I assure you."

(ooc: avarice in the back making sure her own firebrand wasn't stolen LMAO)

[funny-relatable]

there's a new app or something

Girl: Did you get the new app?

Boy: What app?

Girl: The new app, stupid.

Boy: What does it do?

Girl: It's new! Check it out. *fires up app*

New App: *in a fresh and cool voice* Welcome to the new app.

Boy: I still don't understand what it does.

Girl: You can press this button here and it checks for the latest version of the new app. Watch. *boop*

New App: Boop received. There are ZERO new updates.

Girl: Isn't it cool?

Boy: I'm really not into it.

Girl: C'mon. You have to be. Everyone's using it.

Boy: I'm not really into the same things everyone else is.

Girl: You're always such a hispter, but that's your choice.

Boy: Yeah, it's my choice and I'm proud of it.

*later, elsewhere*

Group of People: Wow, the new app rules, right? I love it. I like booping it to see if there's any new updates. We should all boop it now. No, I think we should wait. You're stupid. Yeah, let's all boop it forget the other guy. *boopboopboopboopboopboop*

New App: Bbbooooppppp rreeecciiieeeevvvveeedddd. Ooonneeeeee nnnnnneewwww uuuuppppdddaaaattttteeeeeee aaaaavvvvvvvaaaillllllabbbbbl-

Boy: *watching from afar* What a bunch of sheep. How can they get excited over a stupid app that does nothing. It's mob mentality if I've ever seen it. One person downloads a useless app, so everyone else has to. Thank god that I'm appless and entirely free from banal social dogma.

New App: New update has finished downloading. Activating new feature, outcast locater. One outcast located directly to the south of your group. He's watching from the alleyway.

Boy: Huh?

Group of People: *rush over the alleyway* Whoa, there really was a guy watching us from the alleyway! What a weirdo! Does he really not have the app? No one doesn't have the app, it's the newest app. Hey, do you not have the app?

Boy: I have to go.

Group of People: Don't go! Why don't you have the app? Actually, fuck off if you don't have the new app, freak!

Boy: *runs away* Why did they all gang up on me like? *stomach growls* Now I'm hungry after running like that. I best go to that sandwich shop over yonder and eat a... hmmm sandwich.

Cashier: Hello, sweetie. What kind of sandwich can I get you today?

Boy: Just a bread sandwich. Like, a sandwich with three slices of bread and meats, vegetables, cheeses, or condiments.

Cashier: *phone vibrates* Hold on, sweetie. The new app is booping me, there might be a new update.

New App: Hey, do you see the kid standing in front of you?

Cashier: You mean that very cute boy?

New App: Yes, him. He doesn't have the new app.

Cashier: What!?

New App: It's true.

Cashier: You have the new app, don't you?

Boy: Well, no.

Janitor: *stops mopping the floor* That's kind of weird.

Cashier: It's actually very weird.

Boy: I don't understand what the big deal is, it's just a dumb app.

Cashier: It's not dumb, everyone's using it!

Janitor: *locks the doors* It's suspicious that you're not using it, son. Why don't you take a seat and wait here for a moment.

Cashier: Yeah, me an my colleague, the janitor, have to talk. Your sandwich will be out in a moment.

Boy: *nervously sits*

*the janitor and cashier huddle behind the counter and whisper to each other*

Boy: *internally* This is ridiculous. Why is this stupid app getting me into so much trouble. I'm not required to download it. It's just an app. So why is everyone getting so aggressive about it.

Cops: *knock at the door*

Janitor: *lets them in* Welcome officers.

Cops: So we hear that someone isn't using the new app, eh?

Janitor: Yes officer, he's sitting right over there. He's terrible! TERRIBLE!

Cops: Calm down, sir. We'll take care of this. *walks over to the boy, very authoritatively* Hello, son. Now, don't be intimidated just because we're cops and all. We simply want to know why you aren't using the new app.

Boy: I don't know, I just don't feel like using it.

Cops: But you realize it's the most innovative app to be released in the past decade. It was developed by Darkheart Studios, and you know those Darkhearts always make good stuff.

Boy: I just don't get why I have to download it. Like, what's the big deal? All it does is update itself.

*cops look at each other puzzled*

Cops: *phone vibrates* Oh, looks like the app has something to tell us. Lemme just give it a boop. *boop*

New App: Boop received. New has update finished downloading. Activating new feature, extermination of the sacrilegious. Kill the boy, officers. End his miserable life.

Cops: Are you telling us to shoot the boy because he hasn't downloaded the app.

New App: Not necessarily, but any means of extermination is sufficient.

Cops: I don't think we should kill the boy. The new app is great an all, but not worth killing over. In fact, it's getting kind of old. I think we should take the boy down to the station for safe keeping while we figure out what's going with this here bizarre app. Hey there, little guy... oh.

Boy: *gone*

Cops: He's gone. Now where did he run off too?

Boy: *runs panicked down the street, the cellphone of every single person vibrating and ringing as he passes them*

Boy: *runs into his house and locks himself in his bedroom* What did I do to deserve this? I should just download the app and spare myself this hell. No! I refuse, I won't fall in with trends like all the sheeple. I'm special. I'm different.

Sister: *knocks at the boy's bedroom door, clutching a knife behind her back* Little brother, open up. I have to talk to you about something. It's important.

Boy: I don't feel like talking, leave me alone.

Sister: Come on, I'm your sister. You can trust me, open up. *tries to force the door open* Open the fucking door!

Boy: You're acting crazy, leave me alone!

Sister: Fine. *stomps off*

Boy: *hides under his blankets*

*a cacophony of cellphone notification sounds come from outside of the bedroom window*

Boy: *sheepishly peaks out the window, his blanket still wrapped around him*

*a mob of people, some armed with weapons stand in his backyard*

Leader of the Mob: Kid, we all know you didn't download the new app. Unfortunately, the app says we gotta kill you unless you do. I personally think that's unreasonable, but it is the new app after all, and who am I to question it?

Boy: Fuck your stupid app! It doesn't even do anything!

Leader of the Mob: What a bad attitude. It's the new sensation.

Boy: You're sheep!! You're all stupid sheep!! I'm never downloading the stupid fucking app!!

Leader of the Mob: Then we have to burn down your house, kid.

Boy: My dad is super rich and influential. If you burn down my house, he'll have you guys taken care of.

Dad: *from the mob* I actually support them, son. It's disconcerting to me as a father that you don't have the new app when everyone else does. I could support your through anything, but not this.

Boy: Wha- dad!? Argh! Just burn the house! I don't care! I'm not afraid to die!! At the end of the day, I'll be a martyr and you'll all still be fucking nobodies!!

Leader of the Mob: Whatever ya say, kid. *tosses torch at the house*

*the rest of the mob follows and the house quickly goes up in flames*

Boy: I guess this is it. This is how I die. All over a dumb app that doesn't do anything but boop.

*flames reach the bedroom window*

Boy: Oh god, oh god, oh god! I've changed my mind! I don't want to die!! *frantically pulls out his phone as the flames grow and downloads the new app*

New App: *boop* Thank you for downloading the new app, boy. Now, you've been forgiven. You may live. Please be sure to boop me to check for updates.

Boy: I feel so fucking stupid, but at least I'll live. I just have to get out of here.

Boy: *rushes into the hallway, but the flames have engulfed the entire house*

*the ceiling collapses, trapping the boy in the hallway and ceiling any exits*

Boy: No! Someone help me! *coughs* I'm sorry! Please help! I downloaded the app!

Boy: *curls up in fetal position* I don't want to die. Fire fighters will come and save me or something like that, I'm sure of it! I'm so scared! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! It can't end like this!

*The End*