#“Actually Kaidan would be-” No he's vanilla as fuck.

[sol-consort]

Would let you stack donuts on it

Joker, James, Garrus, Wrex, Liam, Jaal.

Won't

Jacob, Anderson, Saren, Hackett, Mordin, Evfra.

Maybe? mostly confused:

Kaidan, Thane, Nihlus, Legion, Kallo.

(Note: constructive criticism on placement welcomed only if backed by sound arguments)

[lilmissnatcat24]

for no other reason than i worked at an ice cream shop for eight years, here's what ice cream the mass effect characters would eat

shepard: neapolitan, strawberry for their paragon side, chocolate for their renegade, vanilla to balance

garrus: moose tracks, but will pick it apart just for the peanut butter cups and give shepard the leftovers

tali: literally any booze flavored ice cream

liara: mint chocolate chip because she secretly kind've fucks with the taste of toothpaste but will never admit it out loud

kaidan: butter pecan. it's not everyone's favorite, but it's his, and he's totally cool with it

ashley: whatever the 2183 equivalent to the tonight dough. cookie dough chunks, brownie chunks, butterscotch, chocolate chips, malt chunks, everything

wrex: this man is old as balls!!!!!! rum raisin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

joker: lemon sherbet. you cannot tell me that man is not lactose intolerant

miranda: cherries garcia, little bit sweet, little bit tart

jack: the most sickening sweet shit you can think of. cotton candy with marshmallow superman with a side of sugar

jacob: some sort of dark chocolate peanut butter ice cream that sounds good in theory but in reality you can only take like 3 bites of before you get a tummy ache

zaeed: banana splits that he likes to mash together with a spoon and eat like some deconstructed milkshake

kasumi: the weird avant gard shit you see in hipster vegan shops, like some bacon sweet potato rosebud ice cream

mordin: coffee ice cream, because he likes the taste of coffee but if he were to actually drink it he would spontaneously combust

grunt: those froyo shops that were everywhere in 2014 where you could make a bowl with like 5% froyo and 95% other toppings and it cost 14 dollars

thane: doesn't like ice cream because it reminds him of how he abandoned his child and how his wife is dead and he could never go back to the life he left behind, the life of stability, because his body is engineered for a deadly purpose and he can never atone for his sins rocky road

samara: this woman is old as balls!!!!!!!!!!!!! pistachio!!!!!!!!!!!

legion: tried vanilla ice cream. too sticky, got stuck in his wiring.

james: one of those brownie sundaes that weighs approximately 5 pounds and is majority whipped cream

steve: chocolate chip. classy, just like him ;)

traynor: something smooth and rich and velvety and inexplicably sexy, like raspberry chocolate chunk

edi: takes the idea of ice cream a little too literally and just has a bowl of heavy cream with ice cubes. is confused why everyone is disgusted.

javik: ice cream is for primitives (peaches and cream)

[a-thirst-for-dunmer]

My favorite things about all my Skyrim followers:

KAIDAN

-wicked ass armor and weapon with fucking tigers on it

-realistic cursing in life or death situations

-literally the most realistic male dialogue ever with his corny ass innuendos. ‘This monument, does it remind you of me, love? Just kidding.’

-so goated in battle. Mans can kill a dragon so easy and i don’t need to do anything but look pretty

-ACCENT.

CARYALIND

-his hair is so fluffy. I bet it smells like roses and vanilla bean, what’s your secret bb

-such a sweetheart all the time. No wonder he can’t be Thalmor, he has too much heart for it

-fucking backstory. It’s very Zuko without villain redemption arc, and the fact that he still worries about the LDB thinking worse of him for being Thalmor royalty is just *chef’s kiss*

-ACE REP. I really fucking love how he can dress like a hoe, flirt like a hoe, and look so hot but have no interest in sex. Mmm that’s my jam that’s what I like.

-boob window

-Kaidan interactions! Proving that Altmer can be kind and sweet and not lighting-shooting British assholes

INIGO

-the backstories for everyone are so damn tearjerking but this guy?? Don’t even get me started on this mans scars I will cry

-literally autism. Says everything on his mind. Sir you are me

-blue. And a cat. What else??

-Lucien and him have a bromance that hits so good

-suplexes Nazeem with only his vibes

-sings original songs, where’s his soundcloud

KHASH

-okay first off i was writing a character just like her for the daughter of my LDB and Revyn. Never knew about her but this is Leeta come to life and i crave it

-pottymouth

-Kaidan Big Bro protection dialogue

-so happy when she kills things

-literally exactly what I expected a baby Argonian to sound like. So cute. So grumpy

-her outfit is just on point. If i hadn’t transitioned i would be cottagecore peasant dress woman with cats

LUCIEN

-like Cary, he is just sweet himbo no brain

-kid in a candy shop vibes. He is amazed by the wonders of this world

-the nerdiest mans you know, would probably never shut up about shit with Auryen but i haven’t gotten that far yet

-bottom energy

-AUTISM once again

-also sings!! Can sing ‘Toss a Coin to Your Witcher’ parody!!

AURI

-she is the Moment

-eats people and only meat. Wanna see someone react to ThatVeganTeacher with her as a vtuber model oml

-bullies Lucien (affectionately)

-cool pod

-looks like she could kill you and could actually kill you

-slams ALL haters and unworthy into the ground with her dialogue. Faendal ily but you don’t deserve her

RUMARIN

-a sweetheart himbo

-very Skilled with magic, specifically bound weapons. As someone who uses conjuration as their main line of magic, because dremora and bound bow go brr, I LOVE THAT

-not really good at speaking poorly of anyone tbh

-like lucien, he’s optimistic and fun to be around

-very…earthy. Jank. Grungy. Not what you’d expect from an Altmer, to be living as an adventurer mercenary, and i like that for him

-eats in bed, brain too empty to clean for long periods of time

-polyamorous pansexual King

-says Z like zed, which makes linguistics in Skyrim lore interesting

NEBARRA

-literally me

-sarcasm to the max

-name means ‘foreigner’ or ‘scorned’ or something transgender. anyway, king nihilist shit

-only wants the good wines

-also, the Accent, very good very sass

-Shakespearean insults for days

-also regular insults

-just…insults

-mystery and striking fear into the hearts of all

TALIESIN

-i thought no one could top Revyn in vibes of what Elder Scrolls character i would kin but then ✨he✨ came along

-no idea why Altmer are Brits but with him, i can vibe with it he sounds so good

-giggles evilly in fights

-s a s s

-pansexual!! We are putting queer in the game! (Even tho all vanilla spouses are, in the most Basic sense, bisexuals)

-the spice he can add with Cary as a protector/snarky best friend. I Need their backstory

-afraid of dogs, cat person

-just an absolute bitch to the Dragonborn but like in a way my gay friends are to me

-eyeliner on fleek

HONORABLE MENTIONS FOR SKEEVER AND CROC

-silly voice go brrr

[swaps55]

Fluffy writing prompt for Sam/Kaidan because I know you're going to need one sooner probably rather than later: HOT CHOCOLATE. With whipped cream? Marshmallows? Who makes it better? Straight or doctored? Do they even like chocolate??? (some people don't - I won't claim to even get that!) Is this an easier battle than coffee??? (ok, so not much of a prompt per se but hopefully something that inspires fluffy writing!)

I am combining this with your winter prompt for whipped cream on the nose. :)

Winter Asks

If y’all don’t use this as an excuse to argue your hot chocolate preferences I have failed as a person. 

~

It’s dark when Shepard comes in from the barn, and the wind is stiff enough to yank the door right out of his hands. Kaidan looks up from his spot sprawled lengthwise across the couch, hiding a smile at the insulted expression on Sam’s face as the door slams shut with a whoosh of frigid air.

“Get outflanked by the wind?”

Shepard mutters under his breath as he shucks off his boots and shrugs out of his jacket. Underneath, much to Kaidan’s delight, is the charcoal sweater he’d picked up a week ago. It looks exactly as good as Kaidan hoped it would, in spite of the piece of straw stuck to Sam’s head and the production he makes out of clearing his nose.

“Why the hell do we live in a place where the air hurts my face?” Shepard demands.

Kaidan raises an eyebrow and tucks the fleece blanket draped over him a little tighter to seal out the cold. “Because I don’t think Echo would do well on a frigate.”

Shepard’s mouth curves in a grin, which only completes the sweater look. Hell, if he ever thinks he’s going to talk Kaidan into living somewhere that doesn’t require winter wear he’s sorely mistaken.

Kaidan doesn’t bother concealing his appreciation as Shepard makes his way over to the couch and kneels down to kiss his forehead.

“Hey, you,” Kaidan says, plucking the piece of straw from his head.

Shepard smiles a tender smile, which dissolves into a fiendish grin when he presses the backs of his knuckles to Kaidan’s cheek. Kaidan yelps in dismay and jerks away.

“How are your hands so cold?”

The grin gets bigger and more shit-eating. “Now you know how it feels, Mr. Necromancy hands.”

Kaidan makes a grab for him, but Shepard’s too quick, chuckling as he gets back to his feet. “Don’t go anywhere. Gonna go make something warm. Be right back.”

“Don’t set the kitchen on fire,” Kaidan calls after him.  

“Fuck you,” Shepard replies affectionately over his shoulder.

“Warm your hands up first.”

Shepard snorts. Kaidan sets his datapad aside and settles back against the arm of the couch, content to listen to Shepard putter in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, shoving something in the microwave. Partly because he sometimes still can’t believe they have this kind of life now, but also because he really can’t put it past Shepard to do structural damage when heating up liquid.

Something does in fact hit the floor with a loud clang, followed by a swift and emphatic, “No fatalities, sitrep normal,” before he continues whatever he’s doing.

Kaidan smiles. So the love of his life can burn water. There had to be a flaw somewhere.

When he returns to the living room, Shepard carries two mugs in his hands and a can of whipped cream tucked under his arm.

“What’s this?” Kaidan asks with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m going native,” Shepard replies. “Aren’t you proud?” He hands Kaidan one of the mugs. Steam wafts from the rim, carrying the scent of something vaguely chocolate. A dollop of whipped cream floats in the center.  

“You made hot chocolate?” Kaidan asks with genuine surprise.

“Nothing exploded, either.”

He sniffs it suspiciously. “What did you put in it?”

“Coffee grounds and pepper,” Shepard replies, waiting for Kaidan to rearrange himself to make room for company before sitting down beside him. “What do you think I put in it?”

“I’m just impressed you successfully boiled milk.”

Shepard wrinkles his nose. “Like hell. I just used water.”

Kaidan conceals a look of utter dismay before taking a hesitant sip. God, he probably found an instant pack somewhere instead of cocoa powder, too.

“It’s great,” he lies.

Shepard gives him a bemused look. “Uh huh.”

“Really great.”

“Is that so.”

Kaidan takes another tentative sip. “Mmhmm.”

“That’s not what your face says.”

“Oh really?” Kaidan asks with an arched eyebrow. “What does my face say, then?”

Shepard tilts his head. “It says ‘You did this completely wrong and I’m trying very hard not to show you how much I hate it because I love you and don’t want to hurt your feelings because I know you tried and I don’t want to ruin the moment.’”

Kaidan glares at him. “How do you do that.”

“What?” Shepard asks with a grin. “Was I right?”

“How do you do that?”

Kaidan’s nerves hum as Shepard’s corona kindles faintly. “Space magic,” he replies, before kissing Kaidan on the temple and getting to his feet. He offers his hand, static shock nipping Kaidan’s fingers when he takes it. “Come on then. Show me the right way.”

“I’m not that transparent, you know.”

Shepard chuckles, not releasing his hand. “Maybe not to other people.”

Kaidan smiles, wondering if Shepard senses it without looking. Knowing him, he probably does.  

When they reach the kitchen Shepard gestures with one hand before folding his arms across his chest.  

“All right. Impress me with your hot chocolate skills.”

Kaidan rocks on his heels, still feeling a little guilt for not just being able to enjoy the gesture for what it was, so Sam opens the fridge and hands him a container of milk.

“You said something about boiled milk? Which sounds disgusting, but I trust you.”

Kaidan takes it from him with a smirk, then digs out a saucepan. “Not quite boiled, but heated, yeah.”

“What else?”

“Cocoa powder.”

Shepard picks up a packet of instant mix that’s still out on the counter and waves it.

Kaidan shakes his head, chuckling. “No. Real cocoa powder. I have a stash in the pantry. I also need chocolate chips, sugar, and vanilla extract.”

“It’s hot chocolate. Why would you put vanilla in it?”

“It balances the chocolate.”

“This is already too complicated.”

Kaidan kisses him on the cheek on his way to the sugar canister. “Some things are worth a little patience.”

Shepard raises an eyebrow. “Are you insinuating something?”

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

“Uh huh.”

As Kaidan starts heating milk on the stove Shepard comes up behind him, arms circling his waist. A slow smile spreads across Kaidan’s face as Shepard plants soft kisses against up and down his throat. Kaidan tips his chin to give him better access.

“Something other than hot chocolate catch your eye?” he asks.

“So I like watching you cook. Or…brew. Or whatever. What do you want from me?”

Kaidan leans back into his chest. “More of exactly what you’re doing sounds nice.”

Shepard’s voice rumbles appreciatively in his ear, sending goosebumps down Kaidan’s arm.  

The milk boils over. Kaidan swears under his breath as Shepard laughs and gets a rag. Kaidan dumps the remnants in the sink and starts again, though Shepard does his damndest to derail his efforts a second time. It’s only determination and spite that keeps his concentration on the pot this time, and he adds the cocoa powder, sugar and a dash of vanilla like someone who knows what they’re doing.

“Smells good,” Shepard mumbles, still working on Kaidan’s neck.

“Just wait until I add the peppermint.”

The kissing stops.

“The what now?” Shepard asks, tone guarded.

“Peppermint,” Kaidan repeats, sidestepping to the cabinet where they stash the spices. Kaidan keeps telling himself he’s going to organize them so he can actually find what he’s looking for, but never does. There’s a bottle of peppermint extract in there somewhere. He makes a sound of triumph when he finds it, only to turn around and find Shepard staring at him with narrowed eyes and arms folded across his chest.

“Why the hell would you ruin perfectly good chocolate with peppermint?”

“Why the hell would you pass on an opportunity to put peppermint in chocolate?” Kaidan counters.

“It’s chocolate,” Shepard protests. “Leave it alone.”

Kaidan chuckles. “Since when does the person who would eat plain white rice for the rest of his life have opinions on flavors?”

“Since you tried to put peppermint in my hot chocolate.”  

“My mom likes it with cinnamon and cayenne,” Kaidan says, retrieving a clean set of mugs.

Shepard blinks. “Cayenne…pepper?”

“Yep.”

“I married into the weirdest fucking family.”

Kaidan waggles an eyebrow and prepares to pour into two mugs. “Okay, so you’re a chocolate purist. Fine. I can respect that. But I’m putting peppermint in mine. Where it belongs.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Bite me.”

“If that’s what you want, but doesn’t change the fact you’re wrong.”

Kaidan laughs, which makes Shepard grin. Warmth shoots through Kaidan right to his toes. That fucking grin, with that fucking sweater. Okay, so maybe he has bad taste in hot chocolate, but Kaidan’s still not sure how he ever got this lucky.  

“Important question,” Shepard says, expression turning solemn. “Your stance on whipped cream.”

“That shit in a can?” Kaidan asks, wrinkling his nose. “No. Actual fresh whipped cream? Yes.”

“Well, unless you milked a cow this morning all we have is shit in a can, and if you take whipped cream off the table you might as well just kill me and get it over with.”

“Compromise, then,” Kaidan says, handing him a mug. “We can do shit in a can, but I get to drink my peppermint in peace.”

Shepard takes the mug. “I accept your terms.”

Kaidan stirs the peppermint extract into his own mug, then follows Shepard back into the living room. Before settling in on the couch, he flips on the fireplace. All they need is a little snow and they’ll have a proper winter evening.

Shepard snags the whipped cream can and adds an oversize dollop to his mug while Kaidan shakes his head.

“You are such a snob,” Shepard says.

“I don’t hear you complaining.”

In response, Shepard squirts a dab on Kaidan’s nose. Kaidan swipes it off with a finger and rubs it on Sam’s cheek. All-out war nearly ensues until Kaidan wipes it away with a napkin. Eventually he raises an arm up so Sam can duck underneath and nestle against his chest. When they’re settled, Kaidan tugs a blanket across them. Between the flicker and pop of the fire, the damned good cup of hot chocolate – if he does say so himself – and Shepard’s warm body against him, there’s no place Kaidan would rather be.

Kaidan sets his mug down on the coffee table, then takes Shepard’s and does the same. Before he can protest, Kaidan turns his head and kisses him, soft, slow and tender.

“Oh, gross,” Shepard mumbles into his mouth, before pulling away with a look of distaste.

“Gross?” Kaidan exclaims. “Did you just kiss me and say gross?”

“You taste like peppermint,” he complains.

Kaidan narrows his eyes, then lunges at him, mashing their lips together and shoving his tongue as far he can into Shepard’s mouth. Shepard sputters, frees himself, and emphatically wipes his mouth, before glaring at Kaidan.

“You are the worst, do you know that?”

“I can’t believe you called kissing me gross. I’m a damned good kisser.”

“You are,” Shepard assures.

“You are lucky it’s me you get to make out with day in and day out.”

“Very.”

They stare at each other.

“Peppermint is gross,” Shepard informs him.

Kaidan’s eyes flick towards the whipped cream can on the coffee table. Shepard intuits his grab for it too late to stop him and Kaidan lands three strikes before Shepard finally deflects. An errant stream of whipped cream arcs through the air and onto the floor to go along with the dollop on Shepard’s nose, in his ear and on his forehead. As the can clatters to the floor Shepard pins Kaidan to the couch by both wrists, hovering over him with a smirk that would have flipped Kaidan’s stomach, had it not been for the cream stuck to his eyelashes.

“You have something on your face,” Kaidan says.

Shepard leans in and kisses him, sloppy and wet, doing his due diligence to share.

“Is that better?” he asks when they part.

Kaidan wipes at the whipped cream now smeared on his own forehead. “Little bit, yeah.”

Shepard grins and kisses a blob off Kaidan’s nose. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

“Apparently enough to put up with peppermint.”

“That’s a lot of love, Kaidan.” Shepard tugs them both back upright and readjusts the blanket until they’re comfortably snuggled underneath, then hands Kaidan his hot chocolate before taking his own.  

“This is why we live where the air hurts your face,” Kaidan says, leaning his head against Shepard’s.

Shepard takes another sip and draws Kaidan a little closer. “Peppermint is gross.”

Kaidan smiles. “I love you, too.”  

[quietlysatan]

A Land Not Mine - theprosefool, AO3

Link: Here!!

Rating: Explicit

Favorite Quote(s): I just, love this part so much???

Kaidan didn’t take his hand, but he smiled a relieved, worn sort of smile that added a crinkle to his eyes. “I’m glad to hear that, Shepard. I was....” He trailed off, cleared his throat.

“What?”

“I was worried you might feel like you... owe them. For bringing you back.” He looked down as he said it but his voice was firm.

"No," Shepard said easily. "I'm glad to be alive, I am--especially right now--but I didn't ask for this. Any of this. I don't owe them a damn thing."

This is how adults work children, they figure out “Oh, this person won’t back down on this subject that I also won’t back down on” and figure out a compromise or they move on until a later date. Some of y’all don’t know this and it shows.

And that was that. Shepard could tell he hadn’t entirely won Kaidan over to the idea of working with Cerberus, but Kaidan didn’t seem to have anything else to argue with. Neither of them was going to get what they wanted, so they put it away and moved on, finding no lack for conversation.

Gods how this must feel, the energy this must carry for two people to experience

Kaidan moaned against his mouth and thrust upward just a bit, but then he put his hands on Shepard’s hips to steady them both and tilted his head back to sever the kiss and look at him, eyes following the lines of scars once again. No words, just a look, his brow furrowed and his mouth a tight line despite the flush of arousal coloring his cheeks. He released his hold on one hip to touch the glow at his jaw with trembling fingers, and Shepard couldn't bare that look, not directed at him, so he closed his eyes and focussed on his touch instead. Kaidan traced that scar before moving on to another, and the trembling didn’t stop so Shepard made to distract them both, pressing forward and capturing Kaidan's lips again.

It’s almost painful in the best way possible

And that was another lie, really; as desperate as he was to stay at Kaidan’s side, he was headed back in the morning, back to his ship and his fight and his responsibilities. But it was the truth, too, somehow. Some part of him--every part of him that wasn’t Commander Shepard, Spectre, the parts that were just John, those parts would stay with Kaidan.

Smiles during sex are always a win, always, smiling and laughing is just, the best part of being With somebody else. 

Kaidan must have felt his smile because now Shepard could feel his, and it left him light-headed and more than a little hard.

To know someone loves you as much as you love them, must truly be the greatest treasure in all the worlds

And maybe Kaidan wanted it just as bad as he did, for as long as he had. It felt like it, the way he touched him, greedy hands rolling hard over the muscles in Shepard’s back from the hem of his pants to the nape of his neck, the way he kept their bodies pressed close, never allowing Shepard more than an inch of distance. Not that he wanted even that. 

CONSENT IS SEXY AND IT IS EASY. PERIOD. END OF STORY. NO ARGUMENTS ALOUD. (Except for the BDSM people in the back, cause y’all are better at consent even when it’s r*** play and honestly, it shows.)

He was desperate for more friction, but he wasn’t going to make the next push. He would eagerly receive and return with enthusiasm anything Kaidan offered him, but he would stop the second Kaidan hesitated. Tonight, it was Kaidan’s call.

I wonder if you can sense my gay longing the more I type

But before he could get a taste Kaidan leant down, capturing his mouth, and now all he could see was brown eyes, and that was good too, maybe better, because Kaidan was straddling his hips as they kissed,

Humor during any form of intimacy (fun fact, intimacy is My English Word that I cannot spell even though it’s my first language, we all have one, that, language and farenhehe) is important, and so is hoping for the absolute best (whatever that may be)

“I don’t, uh....” Kaidan lifted his head to look at him, a nervous smile creasing the skin around his eyes in a way that had Shepard’s heart in a clinch. “I don’t have....”

It took him a moment to grasp what Kaidan was talking about, distracted as he was by everything he could see and feel, but when comprehension dawned he had a nervous smile of his own. “M--my bag.”

Kaidan arched an eyebrow, that devilish smirk Shepard had seen so little of, and somehow it worked to calm his nerves--though not as much as the light kiss that followed. “High expectations, huh, John?” he chuckled when he pulled back.

“No. Just hopeful.”

DO YOU FEEL THE FUCKING LOVE RIGHT HERE???? BECAUSE I DO, AND NOW i’M SUFFERING FROM GAY LONGING 2.0

Shepard would never know, because Kaidan opted for taking his mouth rather than finishing the thought, but it was slow and sweet and so Kaidan that maybe Shepard knew exactly what he meant, because kissing like this felt a little like dying and a little like starting anew. 

SAFE SEX IS IMPORTANT AND EASY FFS IT’S 2020

It took him longer than it should have but he found what he was looking for, a pack of condoms and a bottle of lube.

Words & Chapter(s): 30,443 words and 8 chapters

Pairing(s): Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard (Whose name is John btw)

Summary: After being dead for two years, there’s only one person Shepard wants to see. So he writes a letter.

My summary: If I could tell you what this fic is about I’d say it is about Kaiden Alenko and John Sheppard falling so completely and irreversibly in love that it’s nearly painful to watch, or in this case, I suppose, to read

Score: 13 (I read it twice guys, me) ((Three times cause I lost half of this in an edit))  You have already left kudos here. :)

Warning(s): Shepard, and thus Kaiden, aren’t 100% sure Shep is Shep, which is fair. 

Also, ME2 settings.

Mentions of Shepard dying, or rather, “dying”.

Really good lemon, you can tell when it’s going to start, basically a little after they start full-on making out. Also, I don’t mean really good as in “This got me really hot” but like “This made me Feel Emotions but In A Good Way”

Also, hope you don’t mind mid-coitus interruptions ;)

The collectors still arrive there

And so does the angst but not too much, like, Just the Right amount of angst

Minor OC character that you probably liked death

Mentions of painful injuries not gruesomely described though

Also, mentions of PTSD and Sheppard has a nightmare

Pros: This is actually my second read through, so obviously it’s good. Honestly, even if you don’t like this ship I’d still recommend it just for the story of it all.

I think my favorite part of this fic is that while there’s angst and “how do I know you’re you?” moments, it’s not needlessly dragged out to create a painful heaping pile of woeful angst. It’s a very realistic and accurate both to the characters themselves and real-life response, it’s very organic and every moment between them has this feeling of like, “Of course that happened next what else could you possibly have done there?” realism, like is Shep and Kaiden were actually real live people what else could you expect to happen but what you’re reading, if that makes any sense.

Also, I love how in love with each other they feel, how magnetic they are, how inevitable it seems, ya’know?

I just love this story and its author so freaking much, honestly, it’s just too sweet and calm and honest, even during the angsty moments it still feels good, ya’know?

But seriously, I love how close to the edge they are throughout this whole fic, how close to just, tipping over at the beginning there, it’s so, satisfying to watch and experience, and it’s amazing and filling and fulfilling and just. So. Fucking. Good.

I don’t know man, I just, really love the little ways that theprosefool gets across them being in love, or being close to it, or falling into it, like, the way this is written is just so perfectly good that I don’t even want to skip the lemon scene which is, kinda rare for me normally just for overall various reasons.

Cut from the part of the favorite lines because it grew too long to go there imo 

“Smiles during sex are always a win, always, smiling and laughing is just, the best part of being With somebody else, even if it’s not sex, it’s so nice to have an intimate moment with someone and to see or feel or hear their smile, their laughs, and giggles, and chuckles, and snorts, and to just, feel how in love you are with them and in return how in love they are with you. Because, much like the song (and unlike the story, I promise they don’t break up no worries) even if you break up permanently and forever, it’s important to remember the good if at all possible. It’s important to remember that, even if y’all ain’t now, you were. 

And that means something. “

Gods I’m so glad op didn’t use warmth or heat or something like that, it always jars me from the story, however they do use shaft 

But they also say dick instead of throbbing erection, member, manhood, etc. so it’s okay!

Aesthetic: But in all seriousness, the realism and humanity flowing like a gentle river through your hand in the form of words is just, so fucking refreshing. It’s like drinking lemonade in a Vegas summer, like playing with your friends the first day of fourth-grade recess, like holding hands with your girlfriend, like remembering your first kiss as a preteen, like being hugged by your friend during a panic attack, like laughing so hard you snort AND cry and lose your breath, it feels like looking at him and just, falling, it feels like jumping into the pool and making the biggest splash, like playing in the neighborhood streets, like being a kid, like remembering that homework you swore was the hardest and thinking back and realizing that just wasn't true, but also how proud you were to finish it.

Food Aesthetic: Vanilla ice cream cones during the summer, French hot chocolate during the winter, cheesy fries during fall, and fresh sweet plums during spring all while still holding their hand, and kissing their cheeks and nose and lips, and making a mess and laughing about it. Just, silly food moments that make you fall in love a little bit more.

Word Aesthetic because I can: Longing. (Obviously.)

Song Aesthetic: Wolf Alice - Don't Delete the Kisses (And the video and possibly the whole fucking playlist too) but the ending feels like this one Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket oddly enough and maybe also, the innocent unwavering love of this song, and it’s music video Heartless Bastards - Only For You

Gif Aesthetic: Their relationship feel like this (disclaimer, they’re not girls, sadly... I should look for that👀)

And this

And this too

But also, meanwhile, Sheppard and Kaiden @ Cerberus immediately and without hesitation at all times 25/∞

[estalfaed-archived]

get ready for the big round: 1 kink of kaidan, cortez, gil, reyes and jaal go.... ;)

oh god, this one requires THOUGHT! GUH

Kaidan: He loves to fuck with a vibrator up his ass. Doesn’t matter his partner, he likes a toy up his bum.

Cortez: I feel like he is a closet dom. So hes gonna dominate you in the bedroom, watch out.

Gil: He has a total food kink. Chocolate (or the Andromeda equivalent) on Ryder? Licking it all off gets him on cloud nine.

Reyes: Contrary to popular belief, Reyes is actually pretty vanilla. He enjoys sex with his partners in any of its forms. As long as they are happy and enjoying it, he is too.

Jaal: Alien kink? LOL. Uhhh, i would say something like electroshock kink? It would play into Angaran physiology and it would be a really fun time for both him and Ryder.

[existentialintrovert]

i’ve been playing an inordinate amount of skyrim the past few days and made a picrew of my character and followers and need to post them so i stop feeling like i’m wasting my time so have some afia, kaidan, inigo and lucien

[sparkly-butthole-on-ao3]

The crew finds out: Vega

Jimmy Vega settled into a comfortable position by his work station. Five days of “leave,” at least for the crew if not the Commander, and they’d be leaving in another two more. All the dancing and people-watching at Purgatory had gotten him hot and bothered, but he hated sleeping at the Alliance apartments, let alone jacking it there. This was home now, this cozy little spot in the docking bay.

              As he stroked himself, the image of Major Alenko dancing came to him, unbidden.

              What the?-

              It wasn’t like Vega hadn’t been attracted to men before; Vega was the kind of guy who was down for whatever, as the saying went. Sexy was sexy. But the highest ranking officer on board?

              The fuck, puta, he thought again.

              He couldn’t get the Major out of his head now, though. Those smooth hips, that fucking amazing ass that was all over the extranet… he sighed and let go his grip, too close already. Shit, it’d been days, but he wanted it to last a little longer, at least.

              Just as he started toying with it again, the elevator doors opened. Who the fuck would come back to the Normandy now, especially here? He’d seen Cortez walking up to the apartments, yawning. No way it was him. James was hidden behind his bench, so if he was quiet, he could probably surreptitiously put his clothes back on and pretend everything was normal, like he’d just been napping back here. He tried to sit up a bit, gently, but froze when he heard the Commander and- dammit- Major Alenko in a somewhat heated exchange.

              Well, heated… in its own fashion, at least.

              “Shepard, you’re such an ass,” crooned that rough, seductive voice. Vega’s cock stood to attention right away. At least you’re respecting your superior officer, eh, bicho? I’m definitely not.

              “Kaidan. You know damn well I’m the boss.”

              “You should let me be the boss once in a while. Not that I’m complaining, of course.” He could hear the smirk in Alenko’s voice, and then, shit, he actually giggled. What the fuck is going on right now? I must be dreaming because this shit is beyond loco.

              “No, you’re not complaining, because you know you belong on your knees, Major.” Shepard growled that last word.

              Were they talking about what he thought they were talking about? If so… well, there was no way out of this one. He’d have to stay hidden and see how this little conversation turned out. His face was hot wondering what that would be, and he swallowed nervously, thinking, fuck my throat’s too loud, shh…

              Nevertheless, he leaned around the bench carefully to see the two of them staring each other down in the center of the bay, Shepard with his signature cross-armed stance, Kaidan pacing a bit in front of him. Glaring, a little, but with this weird flush that made Vega’s skin prickle and his breath quicken.

              “I know why you brought me down here,” Shepard whispered. The words were pregnant. With promise, threat, tenderness… a mix of things Vega had never imagined his CO expressing. Shepard continued, “If you can pin me, I’ll let you fuck me. If you can’t? Well…” and Shepard’s eyes were glowing such a startling blue in the light, mischief dancing in them.

              Yes, this was really happening. Vega found himself pulling his standard-issue Alliance briefs down once more, slowly, every touch of its fabric on his skin making him shiver. What the hell are you doing? Stop, get up, tell them you’re here! This is nuts! But he figured he might as well let himself relax and enjoy the show. He had a feeling things were going to get… interesting.

              Alenko growled deep in his throat, a sound that made him bite his tongue and taste blood, that made him want to taste other things, that made him sweat and almost groan. With an effort he silenced himself.

              The show started. Alenko lunged at his CO, lighting blue as he did so. Well, that’s not fair, L2, Vega mused to himself. Shepard was ready for him though; Shepard was always ready for anything. He flared brilliantly, briefly, and the Major was thwarted by an unseen blast of… something. James knew jack shit about biotics. He preferred being a man of purely physical talents.

              The commanding officer showed his… apparent boyfriend… and his unseen watcher just why he was captain of the Normandy. He easily grabbed Kaidan and flipped him to the ground, even though that brilliant blue surrounding Kaidan must’ve stung something fierce when it met his own azure bubble.

              Shepard chuckled. “Too much emotion. Calm down a little, maybe you’ll have a shot at it.” Shepard was obviously trolling the shit out of Kaidan, purposefully trying to get a rise out of him. He grinned, and the Major scowled back. But he let himself relax, more like what Vega was used to seeing on missions. Usually so meticulous, planning every move like a master tactician… this was the real Major. Maybe Shepard wouldn’t make such quick work of him, after all.

              Kaidan easily knocked the commander off of his body. They sparred. Alenko had a lot of muscle, and incredibly strong biotics to boot, but the Commander was quick and deadly. Silently, he fought off Alenko’s attacks, bit by bit, then began to break down his defenses. Vega had never been able to get Alenko tired, let alone panting, when they sparred. Then again, he thought maybe the panting wasn’t to do with the fighting. He had to admit, watching John Shepard move was something he was lucky to witness. On missions, he was James’ equal as a soldier, not to mention the way he and Alenko combo’d so many of their enemies into pieces. And other than that first biotic whatever-it-was, he didn’t use them, preferring to prove to Kaidan that he alone, without aid, could win. Even against biotics. Even against the larger man who danced the dance of azure ghosts in front of him.

              Sensing his moment, John leaned forward, feinted to his right, and then moved hard left to catch the Major off balance. He flipped him down, onto his back, and straddled him. Alenko’s hands were held above his head by one of Shepard’s own. Shepard’s other hand was around Kaidan’s muscly, thick neck, squeezing ever so slightly.

              “Give up?” he asked, soft and low, promising something beyond imagining. Jimmy strained to hear despite the shame he felt in eavesdropping.

              “Yes… yes, I give up.” Kaidan’s voice was strained under the weight of his CO.

              “You give up…” There was a tightening in John’s hand as he squeezed a bit tighter.

              “I give up, sir!”

              John chuckled and let up from Kaidan’s neck. “Good. Get up and take those clothes off, Major.”

              “Yes, sir,” Kaidan whispered back. It always seemed there was hunger in that low, grinding voice, but this went well beyond usual. Maybe more like the hunger of a man fifteen days into a fast. Vega shivered. He’d managed to keep his hands off his cock, but this was too damn much. He grabbed the head, lightly moving his finger around the tip, spreading pre-come and trying not to go to town. Guess I’m getting the full show, he thought.

              Shepard let his boyfriend get up and sat, on his haunches, as Kaidan stripped. Piece by piece, the standard issue Alliance clothing was removed, then folded neatly and placed to the other side of the bay. Shepard shook his head and rolled his eyes. Military training was heard to break, but this neatness was so adorably Kaidan.

              Once down to his briefs, Alenko hesitated. Vega could see the tip of his cock peeking out of the top. How beautiful this man was. Loco, you are one lucky bastard. He had to remove his hand from between his legs once more.

              Shepard’s head tilted backwards and he crossed his arms over his chest again, giving Kaidan a warning look. Kaidan swallowed, blushing heavily, and removed his briefs in a dainty way, never looking the other man in the eye.

              He turned and added to the clothing pile- mierde, that ass- and came back to stand at attention in front of John.

              John got up, huffing softly, and walked around the Major, inspecting him. Kaidan was sweating and shaking a bit. This was obviously not the first time they’d done this, but he was nervous as shit anyway. What is John gonna do to him? Vega’s mouth was dry. He forced his hand away from his dick again… goddamn thing kept getting into his hands somehow. Pre-come slid messily down his pelvis and thighs. His balls were tight and probably turning a light purple. He was going to pay for this later.

              Kaidan Alenko, however, was going to pay for it now.

              Shepard, still fully clothed, stood in front of the Major, staring at him intently. Then he reached in, gently grabbed his chin, and forced him to meet his eyes. Vega could swear he saw a spark alight between them. Like, a literal spark. Shepard leaned in to gently kiss Kaidan’s lips. Both of their eyes were closed as they leaned into it. There was more than lust in this, it was clear to see. More shame flew through Vega, to see something so intimate, but there was nothing for it now.

              “Do you trust me, Kaidan?” John asked softly.

              Kaidan swallowed. “Yes, John. I trust you… sir.” A visible wave of pleasure ran through the Commander upon hearing his lover whisper his name.

              This rough/tender thing was too fucking much. Vega closed his eyes briefly. He’d never done anything too far outside of vanilla, so this was all new to him. He ached to be a part of it, not just the sex, but the trusting. It was obvious that Alenko must trust his Commander implicitly to allow him access to this most vulnerable part of himself. Again, the shame, but... This shit is too fucking good.

              “Good.” John leaned in and kissed Kaidan’s nose, and it was adorable. “Kneel. And keep looking at me. Don’t go anywhere else. Stay here with me.”

              Kaidan did so, dropping down slowly, staring at his Commander with lust, love… awe. Vega had been forcing his eyes away from Alenko’s hard cock, but it bobbed between his legs, sticking straight up, as he made it to the ground. I’m gonna die if I don’t get some water soon, thought Vega, trying unsuccessfully to swallow what little moisture his throat held.

              For a few drawn-out seconds, Kaidan and John stared at each other. The room crackled with the tension between them. Then John began to remove his clothing, slowly, sensually. The Major let out a long, slow breath, trembling. Vega realized why when he finally saw John Shepard’s cock. It was perfection. Long and thick, but not monstrous. Not too much to handle, but enough to make you cry out a little no matter how prepared you were for it.

              Vega thought he was going to come right then and there.

              “Put your mouth on it, K,” Shepard breathed, and there was a hitch there now. Obviously he was in control of the situation, but control was relative. His head rolled back, and his eyes with them, as Kaidan began to work his dick. When Kaidan brought his hands up to steady the cock in his mouth, Shepard looked down at him, kindly. “No, K. No hands allowed, understood?” Kaidan looked up at him and nodded, whining a little as he fought to keep a rhythm with that magnificent cock.

              As they got into it, Shepard began to move more. It was slow at first, hands moving down to caress Kaidan’s head gently. But soon it was obvious he couldn’t bear it, as he grabbed a fistful of that gorgeous, raven-dark hair and forced Kaidan’s head down onto it. Until this point, the Major hadn’t been able to take the last few inches of John, but John would have none of that.

              “You’re not pulling back until your nose touches my belly, do you understand, Major?” He was losing control of his voice, breath thin and needy. Kaidan looked up to show he did, indeed, understand.

              “Fuck, Kaidan. You’re so amazing…”

              Vega had had enough. He started stroking himself in earnest. He couldn’t handle it anymore, seeing his CO and XO make love like this. Seeing this strong, commanding presence reduced to a puddle with puppy dog eyes only for Shepard… he’d never have guessed Alenko was a bottom. But here he was, and what a bottom. In more than one way. Vega’s chest heaved, wanting to laugh at the ridiculousness of that joke, at the absurdity of this entire fucking situation. Ha, the entire “fucking” situation. Fucking stop it, Jimmy, he told himself.

              Shepard let up on Kaidan briefly, to give him an opportunity to breathe before he pushed him back down. This time, Kaidan began to choke, pulling back and coughing. The Commander allowed him the interruption, but when it was over, he reached under the Major’s chin to look into his eyes once more.

              “Kaidan. I’ve got you. I know you can take it all. You want to take it all for me, don’t you?”

              A short breath, a tremble, a twitch between the Major’s legs. “Yes, sir, I do. I swear it, I love you so much, John. Let me show you.”

              John smiled down at his man, his beautiful biotic. “I love you, too, Kaidan. Always.”

              Vega just wanted this over, please let it be over. Oh, just let this end. It’s torture in so many ways.

              John leaned down and kissed Kaidan tenderly on the forehead, then stood up and offered his swollen dick to the Major again. “Just remember it’s about my pleasure. Just think of me coming in your throat, tasting me. You’re going to be good for me, aren’t you?”

              “Oh yes, sir,” Kaidan barely finished before he leaned forward and enthusiastically took John into his mouth once more. John sighed into it, letting Kaidan get his cock nice and wet before forcing it deep again. By his bench, Vega held on for dear life, feeling too much blood rushing through him and still feeling like this must be a dream…

              He’d thought that John was rough with the Major before, but that was blown out of the water entirely. His fingers were in the Major’s formerly immaculate hair, pushing him down onto himself, forcing Alenko to swallow all of him. This time, Kaidan looked up at his Commander, and in contrast to the roughness of his actions, Shepard stared back at him lovingly.

              Fucking intense. No wonder it didn’t take long. Shepard’s hips moved erratically, his breath painful and hot, the muscles of his thighs slick with sweat. He started to whisper Kaidan’s name, in rhythm with every thrust. Kaidan let out a little moan of pleasure as Shepard began to come in his mouth, holding his lover’s head down onto him to make sure he swallowed all of it, all of him.

              And in the shelter of his bench, James Vega came with him.

`�s���_

[sol-consort]

What's your favorite load out when it comes to weapons/companions? Who's on the permanent roster? I remember you're fond of snipers. This is for the og trilogy or Andromeda

Thank you for this, you're really kind.

Yes! I love snipers, sometimes more than a normal amount. Idk I just like the appeal of taking out a whole enemy with a clean crisp shot to the head. The recoil afterwards and the heavy sniper gunshot sound are so satisfying.

I prefer the ones with one bullet like the M-98 Widow (sorry Black Widow sniper rifle I'm loyal to the og goat) And all the dmg% increase attachment + dmg boost cloak bc yes

I'm confident in my aim but my reflexes are the problem, they have a delay, rhyme games help me account for the delay by finetuning when the clicks register but it's hard to implement in fps games. That's why I absolutely loved the time slowing effect of the cloaking mechanism in Mass Effect, even one second of leeway made a big difference for me in actually landing the shots.

Powerful glass canon is my go-to build in most games, I want to be deadly, but also, you gotta protect me >:^/ So I take big tanky companions or support ones to help me not die since I'll be doing the big pp dmg. I may or may not refer to them as my personal cheerleaders from time to time <3

The requirements to make it into the cheerleaders team are simple, you gotta at least have one (1) of the following or more:

Supportive Biotics (Optional)

Tanky build (Optional)

Good looks (Optional)

I need to have a crush on you (Mandatory dealbreaker)

So Kaidan was a stable, his biotics came into clutch a lot. So much so I actually missed them more than I missed him during the breakup in ME2, I wanted to march into court and demand a shared custody of his biotics because I need my batman utility yellow belt! How am I supposed to carry without my pocket biotics support, huh?

Everyone else's biotics were too offence centred :( No one was like him. I'll forever mourn my mercy main boytoy.

Wrex and Ashley also were golden choices for me meta wise, having a shotgun-weilding bulletsponge dive head first into the enemy lines and giving me space to snipe them from the safety of my cover was a wet dream come true. It's why I always loved taking Grunt with me in ME2.

But those were meta teams for hard fights, while my "fun" teams were the characters I had crushed on! Hooray. It's why Thane was allowed a spot in my personal cheerleaders line despite me parking Garrus in the Normandy for life since no two snipers can be on the same team without starting a biggest dick competition and he is a sore loser! I'm clearly better + my gun is longer and bigger.

Like buzz off man! Stop copying my flow. Snipers were MY thing before you came, and now you're here and your attachment scope isn't even that impressive.

Well that was ME trilogy, Andromeda playstyle is very different and comes with a lot of questionable decisions like who thought this was a good idea? I played a good portion of it vanilla before saying it fuck it, this is starting to feel like a chore and went and installed mods to buff weapons, increase mobility and make enemies actually interesting.

One thing I love about Andromeda enemies is that when you shoot them through a scope, they can duck out of the way of the bullet. Literally jumping to the side. Same thing if your shot was misaligned and slightly missed them. They dodge and go find a cover like a realistic soldier would when aware a sniper is after them.

It's annoying at times, but heyho. Silver lining and all.

The companions meta wise are trash in Andromeda. They are super weak, their abilities are useless, and I never depended on them ever to back me up in any fight. I go into it, knowing I'll start it alone and finish it alone. The most useful thing they've ever done is being a shield meat while I reload.

So I pick them like keychains, whichever suits my mood the best. Whose voice do I wanna hear screaming in the background on the battlefield?

Drack, the krogan, however, is actually half-decent on the battlefield. I guess it comes from virtue of being a krogan and all. A team with two krogans is literally the dream team. Their sheer usefulness on the battlefield paints you a better picture of why the genophage ordeal happened, because a single krogan is really worth an army. It's genuinely the best piece of environmental storytelling in ME.

There are a lot of new and unique snipers in Andromeda... but I didn't like any of them. Yes, listen, I know hating laser weapons and playing futuristic sci-fi games is an oxymoron, but I can't help it! lasers suck. Where is the pizzazz? Where is the recoil? The piercing sound of the bullet breaking the sound barrier? All I get is a "pssshhht" continuous sound akin to the ambient piss stream of a guy in a public restroom. I don't wanna grill chicken. I wanna go big pew.