#“(gasp) they gay??? (anime squealing)”

[rainbowgod666]

Maybe its this platform growing on me but this sounds like genuine bromance (with the "b" added later in post)

a comic with some norse mythology

[hawkinsglasscloset]

Sappho Punch | Bottoms x Stranger Things AU

Chapter 1: All is Fair in Love and War

Word count: 2k

Warning: strong language, mention of SA, mention of violence and blood.

A/n: So my obsession with the movie Bottoms and my obsession with the show Stranger Things came together to create this baby. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Comments are greatly appreciated :3

Fall came, but the weather was still pretty summer-like. There was a soft breeze and a sky sprinkled with stars, making that night the perfect night to finally talk to the girl of your dreams. The only issue was... maybe the girl of your dreams was also the girl of your best friend's dreams. 

Hazel and Robin had been friends since third grade, they bonded over being tomboys and eventually their friendship grew deeper, but never into a relationship. They simply could not see each other in that way, not to mention they both were more into femmes, which led them down a long road of falling in love with straight girly girls. 

They usually went for the opposite type, it definitely made things easier when it came to relationships (or the lack thereof, in their case since they were both virgins), they never fought over a girl in all their years of friendship. 

Robin was more into petite redheads and blondes who could sing or play some instrument. Meanwhile, Hazel liked brunettes or girls with colorful hair, taller than her and on the chubbier side.

Unfortunately, as there's a first time for everything, this time they were both in love with the same girl. She wasn't exactly Robin's usual type, neither was she Hazel's usual type. 

Men usually say bros before hoes, straight girls say chicks before dicks, what do gay girls say? Chicks before clits? Well, something of the sort was decided between the two friends. They were definitely NOT gonna fight over some girl. 

And if she ever happened to show interest in any of them... the other would have to gracefully accept it and move on with no hard feelings. All is fair in love and war, but losing someone who has been in your life before you could even do long division was a price they were not willing to pay for coochie.

"If you don't say hi, I'm gonna say hi," Robin said with a nonchalant shrug. 

"She's definitely straight! What are you even thinking?" Hazel cried nervously as she fidgeted with a big roll of tickets and waited for her cotton candy.

"She's British! Maybe that's how British people are... straight looking," Robin shook her friend by the shoulders. 

"I don't think so, I think in Britain they're even gayer looking than usual," Hazel took the cotton candy and shoved part of it in her mouth. "Look! PJ and Josie!" 

The unpopular, supposedly untalented, lesbian crew of Rockbridge Falls was almost all there after the two arrived, Sylvie was the only one missing, but... nobody really wanted Sylvie around (except for her stepdad, of course). 

"What happened to your arm?" Hazel asked, seeing that Josie had a cast on. 

"She ate shit," PJ laughed. 

"She ate literal shit? What the fuck?" Hazel chuckled. "Did you get beat up again? Were you jumped? Was it spy camp? Did you go to juvie?" 

"Yeah, we went to juvie," PJ sarcastically sneered. 

"OH MY GOD, IT WAS JUVIE?" Hazel gasped just as Jeff, their golden boy from the football team was introduced in the most ridiculous fashion, making all the girls scream and beg him to fertilize their eggs. 

"Why are people so obsessed with him?" Robin mumbled. "He has a round jawline... like a girl." 

"I don't get why girls like boys like that. They're like dogs or pigs or... what's the grossest animal?" PJ huffed while the Viking players passed by them without caring if they bumped into someone. 

"The human being, no animals are gross" a soft voice answered her question.

"Naomi!" Robin nearly screamed.

"Where?" Hazel turned and squealed when she was met with the girl she'd been dreaming of for about a year since she moved from London with her mother. 

Naomi was the British straight girl in question. She was tall, taller than both Hazel and Robin (who was already quite tall), but in a delicate way. Her many curves were perfectly hugged by her bellbottom jeans and a crop top that said vegan women taste better. 

She had long jet-black hair and pale skin which gave her a Snow White quality that made both Hazel and Robin lose their minds.

"Hey, mate," Naomi smiled, as her cheerleader friends, Isabel and Brittany joined her. 

While PJ and Josie fumbled to talk to the other two, Hazel and Robin stared at Naomi without knowing what to say. It was like she always stole all the words from their brains. 

"I see you're vegan," Robin pointed at the shirt. 

"Yeah, I don't like to take part in any kind of animal exploitation," Naomi sweetly replied. "They are friends, not food." 

"Did you know Hazel worked all summer on her uncle's farm? In the slaughterhouse!" 

"Shut up!" Hazel hissed and then put a smile back on. "I didn't... I worked at the National Meat Association." 

"That's well bad," Naomi frowned. 

"I know, right? I don't even eat meat-"

"Yeah you do, your favorite food is steak," Robin said before being elbowed right in the boob by her friend. 

"Meat is murder... I just needed a job," Hazel tried to save face. 

"If you don't mind me asking, how much do you get paid there?" Naomi tilted her head. 

"Fifteen bucks an hour, it's pretty good," it really wasn't, not for handling guts and blood for hours and coming home every day looking like the final girl from a slasher film. 

"Say what, if you're interested, the golf course I work at needs new caddies, they pay twenty quid an hour plus tips. The old guys usually tip well if you laugh at their bad jokes."

"Wait, seriously? And I'd get to work with- with you?" Hazel's eyes lit up, not even caring if the old men in question happened to be pervs or not. 

"Yeah, kinda. I drive around serving drinks, we'd see each other all the time."

"Yes, please! I'd love that! The job, I'd love that job!" 

"I'll give you my manager's number tomorrow and you can give her a call to apply, you have the right build for it," Naomi said, eyeing the cotton candy. "Can I get a little bit?" 

"O-of course! Take all of it!" Hazel handed her the remaining of her treat.

"C-could I get a job?" Robin asked timidly. 

"I thought you worked at the video store, you don't like it there?" Hazel quirked an eyebrow at her friend. 

Before Robin could answer, PJ and Josie stormed out, snatching the big roll of tickets from Hazel and giving it to Brittany. 

"Hey, no, steady on," Naomi took the big roll of tickets back from her teammate. "These are Hazel's." 

"She knows my name," Hazel whispered to herself.

"But the little Dutch boy gave it to us," Brittany protested without any heat behind her words, as usual. 

"Don't be a twat, go buy your own," Naomi handed the roll back to Hazel and followed her friends to the nearest ride. "Have fun!" 

"Don't you work at the video store?" Robin repeated in a mocking tone once they were alone. "Fuck you, Hazel! Eat a bag of uncircumcised veiny dicks!" 

"You did way worse! You told her I eat steak!"

"You do!"

"I can stop."

"Isn't your mom throwing a barbecue tomorrow?"

"I can stop... after tomorrow. Anything for love!"

**

The next morning, when school finally started, Jeff showed up in crutches. He looked completely fine with the exception of a nasty black eye, which left PJ and Josie puzzled. 

Yes, they had technically driven into him the night before, but the car barely touched his leg, how the hell did he get hurt like that? He refused to explain anything more than the fact that he was supposedly run over.

That's what they tried to explain to Principal Meyers, but he wasn't having it, he had to protect their perfect quarterback... to escape expulsion then, Josie made up a story. 

She said they were just practicing for their self-defense club, to help the girls be prepared to face Huntington players that might want to hurt them, which had already started to happen. 

"I can't believe they're letting you guys start a fight club," Hazel chuckled as she ate her lunch next to Josie and PJ on the bleachers. 

"No, they're not, we are not!" Josie shook her head, too scared to even think about it. 

"Of course we are! Did you see the way Brittany and Isabel were looking at us?" PJ countered.

"Wait... girls were looking at you because they thought you ran over Jeff?" Hazel asked, her interest piqued.

"Hell yeah! Nothing makes a girl wetter than displays of power and strength," PJ nodded. "If we get this fight club going, we can get whatever girl we want. We just have to learn how to fight..." 

"You guys probably fought girls in juvie."

"We were lying about that, obviously!" 

"About juvie? Why would you lie to me?" Hazel asked, unintentionally looking like a mistreated puppy. 

"You assumed, I just didn't correct you," PJ rolled her eyes. "We just need to teach girls how to not get punched in the face, easy, and they drop their panties!" 

"Hey, hey guys! Did you hear?" Robin ran towards the trio suddenly. "Huntington shot up our books so the library is out of order again this year!" 

"No, actually... we're discussing creating a fight club to teach the girls self-defense," Hazel squinted, her blue eyes hurting from the sun hitting her face. "We can start with taekwondo, which I got covered."

"Wait, why are we even doing this? This sounds dumb," Robin started eating the sandwich her mother packed in a plastic grocery store bag. 

"We teach a bunch of girls how to defend themselves against the evil Huntington killers. They are grateful to us, we build a community, we bond, we share, we connect," PJ explained while gesturing with her hands and her hips. "We're punching each other, adrenaline is flowing, next thing we know Brittany is kissing me on the mouth!" 

"I take it back..." Robin shared a look with Hazel. "We definitely need a fight club. Hazel, bring Stella-Rebecca! She'll attract the cheerleaders."

"You know Stella-Rebecca?" Josie sat up, starting to consider the idea.

"We're family friends," Hazel shrugged.

It was true, but before even thinking of Stella-Rebecca, Hazel and Robin had bigger priorities.

"Naomi will be so impressed, she'll need to bring an extra pair of underwear to practice every week, cause she'll soak through the first!" Robin cheered quietly. She was usually shy and nervous, but they had a real shot this time, she couldn't throw it away.

"Shhh..." Hazel held a finger in front of her lips when she heard Naomi's voice coming from the principal's office. 

"I'm really sorry," she said. "But he tried to grope me."

"He's a boy, Naomi! He doesn't know any better!" Principal Meyers argued. "We won't make any of this public because it would hurt Jeff's image, but you can't just punch someone for their natural instincts.

"Naomi gave Jeff the black eye!" Hazel whispered. 

"Shit... it won't be as easy as we thought to impress her with our sexy fighting skills," Robin mumbled, but then she smiled. "But on the other hand, she has sexy fighting skills!" 

Hazel nodded, understanding right away and as soon as the principal's office door opened, Naomi was stopped by both girls. 

"Hey! Don't you think there's a lack of female solidarity at this school?" Robin asked, trying to sound casual. 

"Um... what?" Naomi narrowed her eyes. 

"You know, that Huntington player who fucked that girl's face up, we should do something about it," Hazel suggested, almost as if she just had that idea on the spot. "Hey, why don't you come over to our self-defense club after class?" 

"Self-defense club?" Naomi breathed. 

"Yeah, like a fight club! You can beat up people in the name of feminism!" Robin nodded excitedly. 

"Today at 3:15," Hazel added. 

"Okay, I guess it sounds nice. I'll be there," Naomi smiled as she walked away. "See you guys later!"

"May the best tomboy win?" Robin held out her hand.

"Oh, I will," Hazel teased, shaking her friend's hand.

Tag List: @mrprettywhenhecries @elliethesuperfruitlover

[bomberqueen17]

uh see also  “Eat Me Alive”

Sounds like an animal Panting to the beat Groan in the pleasure zone Gasping from the heat Gut-wrenching frenzy That deranges every joint I'm gonna force you at gun point To eat me alive Bound to deliver As you give and I collect Squealing impassioned As the rod of steel injects Lunge to the maximum Spread-eagled to the wall You're well equipped to take it all

Judas Priest played to sold-out arenas throughout the 80s.

Rob Halford came out as gay in an MTV interview in 1998, unpremeditatedly.

He is the reason why the gay leather daddy fashion that arose from post-WWII motorcycle clubs spread to the heavy metal community in general.

In the 70s - 80s we'd have bands that would write songs with titles like The Penetrator and the lyrics would go "with big bad arms / I plan your defeat / I search your hole / to put my meat" and cishet people went yup this is the height of masculinity it can't get any straighter than this

[mr-smith-stories]

Leo and Ritchie’s Best Moments: Part Four: Mr. Smith 14- 17

From Mr. Smith 14: Mr. Smith Goes To The Zoo

The Hardest Thing Mr. Smith Ever Said In His Life:

Then they came upon Mr. Smith’s favorite exhibit- the bears. Mr. Smith ran excitedly to the front of the crowd, his friends hurrying behind. When he saw who was there he gasped. “YOU! The teenage gay geniuses! Here to ruin my day at the zoo! Oh no! What do I do?”

Leo sighed and Ritchie groaned. “No, YOU’RE going to ruin yet another date for us! You’re always showing up wherever we are!” Leo exclaimed, exasperated.

“I don’t WANT to run into you. I don’t LIKE you! You’re… smarter than me!” Mr. Smith lowered his voice at the end.

“So you admit it,” Said Ritchie.

Mr. Smith scratched his head. “Admit what?”

“That we’re smarter? You just said it,” Ritchie said with a laugh. Leo chuckled.

Mr. Smith began to mouth things and gesture, pointing to places in space. “Oh no! I did! Help! He’s smarter than me!”

“That wasn’t so hard, was it, Mr. Smith?” Ritchie asked.

“It was the hardest thing I ever said in my life!” Mr. Smith yelled.

Mr. Smith Joins His Bear Family:

“That’s it!” Yelled Mr. Smith. “I’ve HAD IT WITH YOU… you… you… GAY GENIUSES! I’M the genius here! If you can’t appreciate that, I’m going to have to live on a nature reserve and finally be among my people, the bears!”

“Bears aren’t even people. And you wouldn’t survive living among the bears,” said Ritchie.

“I COULD live among the bears! I’ll prove it!” Mr. Smith began to climb the bars of the bear exhibit like a spider monkey, huffing all the way to the top. Philip and Simon cheered as people shouted at Mr. Smith to get down.

“This reminds me of the time I went to the zoo and climbed into the lion exhibit. They had to call animal control to get me out. I just wanted a selfie with the lions. It was so annoying!” Amy said.

“Oh my God, I went into the snake exhibit and they had to get me out! I wanted to feed the snakes but they said I was breaking the rules! That was annoying too!” Susan squealed.

“That IS annoying!” Amy high fived Susan.

“Get down from there, Mr. Smith!” Leo shouted.

“Those bears will kill you!” Ritchie yelled.

“The bears won’t kill me, they’re my people! The bears will protect me from your insults!” Mr. Smith yelled.

“You just want to oppress his freedom as an American citizen!” Bob snapped at Ritchie. “It’s his basic human right to live among the bears! You can’t rob him of that! Those bears are important to him, in the very depths of his soul!”

“It’s because you’re richer than him, isn’t it?” Frankie asked Ritchie. “You think you’re better than him because you have money? He’s a hard working American citizen! Let Mr. Smith be with his bear family!”

“We just don’t want him to DIE,” Leo said desperately.

“Those bears won’t hurt him. They’re his brothers and sisters of another species. They will accept Mr. Smith as their own. Mr. Smith can live out the rest of his days happily among his bear brotheren.” Bob said.

“They’re wild animals! They’ll KILL HIM.” Leo stressed the last two words.

“They’re civilized forest creatures. They’ll not hurt him, they’ll welcome him into their bear community with open arms. Mr. Smith will become part of the zoo, just like all of the beautiful creatures here. He will be a fixture of this establishment.” Frankie said calmly.

“How are you so calm?! He could DIE!” Ritchie was shouting now.

“Shut up, devil spawn! I’M the genius here! I’ll prove it while I join my people! Mr. Smith’s day of pre- demption will come!”

“I think you mean RE-demption,” Said Leo.

“I don’t know what that is,” Mr. Smith looked bewildered.

“Just please get down from there! You could fall and hurt yourself!” Leo yelled.

Mr. Smith released one hand from the bars and scratched his head, still balancing himself. He began to mouth things and gesture with his free hand, then said, “Oh no! I could fall! I had better get down from up here!”

“Yes, Mr. Smith! Please climb down!” Leo shouted.

“Okay,” Mr. Smith said, and then climbed down the bars into the bear exhibit.

“That’s not what I meant!” Leo yelled. “Climb back up, Mr. Smith!”

Mr. Smith scratched his head. “But you said I would fall!”

“Yes, he did, but the bears are just as dangerous! Please climb back out!” Ritchie shouted.

Mr. Smith’s face contorted into rage. “Shut up, devil spawn! With these bears is where I belong!”

“Oh dear lord,” Sighed Leo. “Please, don’t go near those bears!”

“I will approach my bear friends! I’ll go and pet one of them; and then they’ll accept me into their bear tribe!”

From Mr. Smith #15: Mr. Smith Becomes A Child Psychology Professor

Shouldn’t You Be Teaching Instead of Arguing With Us?:

Mr. Smith smiled to himself as students began to enter the class and take their seats. Mr. Smith’s friends all sat down next to Mr. Smith’s desk. Mr. Smith stood up, turning on his computer with the syllabus displayed on the screen. It was five minutes until the class began, but Mr. Smith figured it was time to start. “Hello, class. Welcome to Child Psychology. My name is Mr. Smith, but you must call me -“ Mr. Smith paused upon seeing who entered the classroom. He gasped. “YOU! The gay geniuses! Oh no! What do I do? I have to teach a class and now you’re going to make me look STUPID!”

Leo and Ritchie groaned while Alex held back a laugh. “We’re in class with YOU? Oh dear lord. This is going to be a long semester, unless of course you inevitably quit your job once you remember that we’re smarter than you,” Leo said.

“Now you listen here, devil spawn! I’M the genius here! You’d better RESPECT me, or you’ll be forced to leave this class!” Mr. Smith stamped his foot.

“Shouldn’t you be teaching instead of arguing with us?” Asked Ritchie.

Mr. Smith’s PhD:

“Please, TEACH the class, Mr. Smith.” Ritchie groaned.

“Yes, let’s try not to make this as painful as possible,” Leo remarked.

“That’s DR. Smith to you!” Mr. Smith pounded his fist on the white board.

“Oh yeah?” Ritchie snorted. “What was your dissertation on?”

Mr. Smith began to gesture with his hands and mouth words no one could hear. “Is a dissertation a type of dessert?”

“No. Oh my God!” Leo facepalmed.

“What is your PhD in?” Asked Ritchie.

“I studied genius IQ in children at the puppy farm! Did you know children from the puppy farm have more consistent scores on standardized tests?” Mr. Smith asked.

“Do you mean they all fail?” Asked Leo.

“Yes! Because their minds are pure with the beautiful, creative freedom of thought taught at the puppy farm! These children know all about Greenbirds and Oak Trees, but these tests simply don’t know how to measure intellect. If they did, why do all these geniuses score so low?” Mr. Smith scratched his head.

“Jesus Christ,” Swore Leo.

“Just get on with reading the syllabus.” Ritchie sighed.

Leo Gets Everyone To Walk Out:

“Now, before we begin, let’s establish some background knowledge. Does everyone know what a child is?” Mr. Smith addressed the class.

“Are you kidding me? This is Child Psychology. Of course we know what a child is!” Leo exclaimed furiously.

“Well, as your professor, I have to account for the fact that most of you did not attend the school of the puppy farm, and are wherefore not as educated as me. And that some of you are level 10 or 50 IQ.” Mr. Smith said smugly.

“For the last time, I am obviously not a level 10 IQ, and Ritchie is obviously not a level 50 IQ! We are both geniuses and you are just jealous of us!” Leo snapped.

Mr. Smith scatched his chin, then began to gesture with his hands and mouth things. “I didn’t have any jello with the sandwich Mom packed me today.”

“That’s not what jealous means!” Leo snapped.

“Shut up and let me lecture, devil spawn, or I will give you a Detention!” Mr. Smith stamped his foot.

“This is college, you can’t give me a detention-“ Leo began.

“Shh!” Mr. Smith shushed him. “Let’s discuss the maturity of children. Despite common miscontraceptions, children are very mature. I know this because people are always comparing me to a very young child, and I’m very mature. Children must wherefore be very mature and geniuses, and lose their genius intelligence as they get older, except me because I have 1 million level IQ.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Said Leo. “You’re not qualified to teach us anything! That’s it! I’m walking out! Who’s with me?”

Ritchie and Alex got up to leave, followed by several other students. Mr. Smith yelled, “Wait! Don’t go!” More students got up to leave, so Mr. Smith became enraged. He ran to his desk, picked up his computer monitor and chucked it out the window. “Whole lot of good you did me!” Then he picked up one of the student’s backpacks and threw it across the room. Then he tipped his desk over and dumped water all over his computer, and chucked that out the window for good measure. As more students began to leave, Mr. Smith ran to the whiteboard and began to pound on the white board while yelling, until finally everyone was gone, including his friends who thought it would be funny to leave and make Mr. Smith angry.

Mr. Smith ran out into the hallway. “That’s IT! I’ve had it with you gay geniuses! I quit! I’ll never teach ever again!” Then he called the dean and quit his job, which he had only gotten because the dean had eaten yet another apology pot brownie from Mr. Smith’s father.

From Mr. Smith #16: Mr. Smith The Lawyer

Do You Even KNOW What The Word Fraud MEANS?:

“First of all, it’s because you’re GAY! Gay people are going to be the downfall of this great human race! You think that just because you like MEN means you’re better than us, and that you can sue people whenever you want! Well, I have one thing to say to YOU, Leonard Philips! I am NOT gay and never will be! You won’t convert me to the dark side!”

“My sexual orientation has nothing to do with why we’re here! Bill Stevenson is a fraud!” Leo insisted at the stand.

Mr. Smith addressed the witness. “Do you even KNOW what the word fraud MEANS?!”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Yes, do you?”

Mr. Smith began to gesture with his hands and mouth things. “No, I was hoping you would tell me. ANYWAY, Bill is an innocent man, I tell you! Leo and Ritchie are the TRUE criminals! Leo BULLIED the other students in his high school by being smarter than them! A stuck up intellectual who cared more about philosophy than to make the students who were mean to him feel better by intentionally FAILING ALL HIS CLASSES, like he should have done! Leonard Philips is a menace, I tell you! A menace! And Ritchie is almost sort of just as bad!”

Mr. Smith Forgets What Hibernation Is Sometimes:

Leo raised his voice, exasperated. “I just want back the money he cheated me out of! Ritchie and I are planning on getting married when we turn 18, and we need that money!”

“AGAIN with the homosexuality! Your sexuality is NOT AN EXCUSE FOR ACCUSING MY CLIENT OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES! He is an innocent man, wih a wife and children! An innocent man whose life has been destroyed by your lies, by your homosexuality! You have devastated the heart and soul of this community, but never again! I think YOU should be behind bars! You think you’re better than us, but I’M the genius here! You need to be taught a lesson about disrespecting your elders!” Mr. Smith picked up a reporter’s pen and threw it across the room.

“I’m not making excuses! We just want to be together! This is ludicrous!” Leo snapped.

Mr. Smith gasped. “Your Horror, the oppopreposition is trying to call attention away from what we are trying to discuss here! Leo has been using so many words that I do not understand, and it’s not fair! He’s trying to confuse the courtroom and make me look STUPID! Throw him behind bars for his lack of respect before he makes a mockery of this courtroom!”

Leo snickered. “I think you mean “opposition.””

“Again with the large words! How on earth do you expect us to understand you when you use words we never learned in Kindergarten? How can I further my career as a lawyer if you confuse me into making bad arguments! You are a bully and are just trying to distract us from the truth! That YOU AND RITCHIE are the frauds!” Mr. Smith wiped sweat from his brow. Being a lawyer was such hard work! Thinking of all these complicated arguments was really taking its toll on him already. He had no idea being successful took so much energy!

“Opposition is not a big word!” Leo argued, desperately looking at the judge.

Mr. Smith took out a miniture white board he had brought with him and began to write big vocabulary words on it. “There are so many words that end in -tion, how am I supposed to keep up with them all? Frustration, hibernation, nation, motion! It’s hard enough to remember those, and I even forget what hibernation is sometimes! How am I supposed to remember all of those giant words? It’s too hard, Your Horror! Do you agree?”

The Judge now appeared to be sucking on a lollipop, but Mr. Smith wasn’t sure where he’d gotten it from. “Yes, yes, very clever. You make many excellent points.”

The Judge Rules In Leo and Ritchie’s Favour:

Question one,” Mr. Smith began. “Why is this money so important to you? Is it important enough that you would wrongly accuse MY client of fraud to steal his hard earned salary?!”

“Leo and I intend to get married once we turn eighteen. He told you this already.” Ritchie said.

“But… do you HAVE to marry Leo? Why don’t you just let poor Bill here keep his money?” Mr. Smith scratched his head.

“We just want to be together. We’re in love,” Said Ritchie.

“LOVE?!” Mr. Smith exclaimed. Then he finally remembered he needed to be professional. “Define “love” for the court, please.”

“Uh, it means I care about him more than anyone so I want to marry him?” Ritchie said, annoyed.

“But… why?” Mr. Smith asked.

“Why? What do you mean why? I love him.” Ritchie looked confused.

“Why do you… LOVE him?” Mr. Smith choked out.

“Because he’s the smartest person I know and he cares about me more than anyone,” Ritchie replied.

“But… he’s a robot,” Said Mr. Smith.

“A robot?” Leo snapped.

“Yes, an emotionless robot. HOW can you care about anyone when you’re a cyborg? How can we even accept anything a cyborg says as true? You probably work for the government! It’s one giant conspiracy!”

“I’m not a cyborg, you absolute moron! I’m a human being!” Leo snapped.

“But… you’re emotionless! You bully people by being smarter than them! It’s cruel and unjust! All humans are supposed to have equal rights, and you take away their right to do as well by being smarter than them! It’s like I’ve always said, you strike fear in the hearts of others, a fear of insecurity, inadequacy and despair! You are a menace! Do you hear me, everyone? A menace!” Mr. Smith pounded his fist on a nearby table where his client was sitting.

“This isn’t even relevant to the case!” Ritchie snapped. “I’ve had enough of this! You come in here acting like you’re better than us because you���re straight, but you’re a total dumb ass!”

“Shut up, devil spawn! I’M the genius here and we both know that’s what me winning this case is really about!” Mr. Smith yelled.

“That’s the POINT! You’re not even taking this seriously! The only reason you’re still here is because your father is bribing the judge with food!” Ritchie shouted.

The Judge looked up with a piece of a hot dog sticking out of the side of his mouth. “Mmf!” He tried to speak. He swallowed the rest of the hot dog and protested, “How DARE you! I haven’t been eating FOOD while this session has been going on!”

“Everyone can SEE you!” Ritchie was exasperated.

“Can YOU see anything?” Mr. Smith asked the jury. They all scratched their heads in confusion.

“Oh my God! This is ridiculous! This is an unfair trial and this judge is just STUPID, just like you, Mr. Smith!” Ritchie yelled.

“Shut up, devil spawn! You can’t deny my obvious one billion level IQ! You’re just envious of me!” Mr. Smith yelled back.

“Quiet, Mr. Smith!” The judge pounded his gavel. “I’ve made up my mind. The jury is dismissed, I’M deciding this case!”

“You can’t do that in a court of law!” Leo desperately argued.

“It’s MY COURT, you asshole! I’m in charge here, this is my domain! But today’s your lucky day, because despite Mr. Smith’s father’s bribes, I’m ruling AGAINST HIM. No one calls me stupid!” The judge pounded his gavel again. “Bill is sentenced to fifteen years in prison and must also repay all the money he stole from Leo and Ritchie! Court is dismissed now! Bye losers!”

From Mr. Smith #17: Driving Class

Mr. Smith Wants To Be Friends With Leo and Ritchie:

The teacher then walked to the front of the room. “Good morning, class! I’m Mrs. Jacobson, your Driver’s Ed teacher! To start, does anyone know the rules of turning left on a red light?”

Mr. Smith raised his hand. “Ooh ooh I know! Does it mean you can turn left as long as you’re going in the red light district?”

Mrs. Jacobson gasped. “I meant the red light on any road!”

Mr. Smith began to mouth things silently and gesture with his hands. “What does a red light mean again? Does it mean to go? And what is a road?”

“A road is what you DRIVE ON. Oh my GOD, you are stupid!” Leo rolled his eyes.

“Drive? Like Driver’s Ed? That must have something to do with what class we’re in!” Mr. Smith clapped his hands, proud of himself.

“How are you in Driver’s Ed if you don’t know what driving is?!” Ritchie demanded.

“I knew this morning, but I seem to have forgotten now,” Mr. Smith said, scratching his head and pointing to places in space. “Oh I know! Drive is the name of the person teaching this class! Driver’s Ed!”

“Oh my God,” Leo chuckled. “You’re literally the stupidest person I’ve ever met.”

“Actually, I think Kitty’s dumber than Mr. Smith,” Ritchie argued.

“Of course I’m more smarter than Kitty! Kitty is the only person I know who is dumber than me!” Mr. Smith pounded his fist on the desk.

“So you admit you’re very unintelligent?” Ritchie asked.

Mr. Smith closed his eyes and with his bottom lip extended, began to point to random places in space. “Does unintelligent mean I’m extra intelligent?”

“Compared to Kitty, yes,” Leo said.

“Thank you, devil spawn! For once you recognize my genius level brilliance. Now maybe we can be friends.” Mr. Smith said.

“No, thanks, I’m good,” Leo chuckled.

Mr. Smith Says He’s Like “A Bottomless Pit Of Intelligence”:

Class! Pay attention! Now, Mr. Smith, if you’re at a crosswalk and a pedestrian is passing by, what do you do?” Asked Mrs. Jacobson.

“Is a pedestrian a type of pedetrician?” Mr. Smith asked, scratching his head. “They both start with the letter p.”

“A pedestrian is just a local person,” Said Mrs. Jacobson.

“What does local mean? Is it in any way related to locomotion? Because they’re crossing the street?” Mr. Smith asked.

“Sure. Whatever. Just answer the question.”

Mr. Smith scratched his chin as if deep in thought. “I honk at them until they get out if the way, and if they don’t, I just drive around them.”

“That’s not what you’re supposed to do! You stop!” Mrs. Jacobson’s mouth was hanging open.

Mr. Smith looked bewildered. “But if I stop, I’ll be late to wherever I’m going!”

“If you don’t stop, you could cause an accident!” Ritchie snapped.

Mr. Smith began to gesture and mouth things. “What does my accent have to do with driving a car?”

Leo groaned. “HOW do you think you’re a genius? You’re a complete moron!”

“I AM a genius, devil spawn! I learned to drive at thirteen at the puppy farm, I probably know more about driving than you! You are just envious of my infinity level IQ!”

“Infinity level IQ? How can an IQ score be level infinity? That doesn’t make any sense!” Leo argued.

“I’m such a genius, my intellect is never ending. I’m like a bottomless pit of intelligence.”

“That makes no sense!” Leo yelled.

“Shut up, devil spawn! I’M thr smartest person to ever live, and who will ever live! I can sing my alphabet song! I just learned it yesterday! Watch and learn! A B Q D C S P, smart is who I want to be! See, that’s the whole alphabet! I AM a genius!” Mr. Smith sang off key.

“That’s in the wrong order, and not even the entire alphabet!” Leo sighed in exasperation.

***

These are some of my favorite Leo and Ritchie scenes! I love their sarcasm and how supportive they are of each other. Will do more of these as the stories continue, not just for Leo and Ritchie but for all the other major characters as well! What are some of your favorite Leo and Ritchie moments, either in these montage posts or those from the stories that were not included? Feel free to comment and let me know!

[writerwithtoomanyships]

Summary: The sides do a Secret Santa... fluff and mild chaos ensue

Pairings: Platonic DRLAMP, Dukeceit/Demus, Logicality, Prinxiety

Warnings: A little bit of self-deprecating thoughts at the beginning, and some Remus being Remus

Genre: Fluff fluff fluff!

Credit:

@multi-fandoms-posts - Thanks for the suggestion! I took some creative liberties but this is based on a suggestion they gave me.

@voltsm - Thanks for the encouragement! This person is an INCREDIBLE artist, I highly recommend looking at their amazing amazing blog!

A/N: This is the first Sanders Sides one shot I've written in a while, but I think it turned out well! Please don't repost on different websites, but reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Remus paced his room, growling in frustration. His mind wandered back to the conversation all the sides had earlier.

"Let's do a Secret Santa!" Patton had said, looking like he was going to burst from excitement.

Roman nodded enthusiastically. "That's a great idea, padre!"

"I'm up for it if you guys are," Virgil replied with a shrug.

"I do believe that doing a Secret Santa could be beneficial to our mental and emotional health," said Logan, pushing up his glasses.

All of them looked at Janus and Remus, catching both of them off guard.

"You'd really be okay with us joining?" Remus asked.

"Of course! We are famILY, after all!" Patton responded happily. Remus looked at Janus, who simply shrugged.

"I think the Secret Santa is an awful idea and wouldn't like to participate," Janus said with a small smirk.

"Why not!" Remus happily agreed.

Yet here he was now, flopping on his bed, and ironically out of ideas. He summoned something to eat, and wasn't sure if it was deodorant, a sandwich, or some ungodly abomination of both. At this point he didn't care.

He stared at the faint strip of paper labeled "Janus." Each of them had grabbed a paper from Janus's hat, and Remus had been pretty excited when he got the name of his best friend. Until he couldn't figure out what to get him.

"I'm CREATIVITY, and I've been his friend the longest! I should know what to get him!" he angrily muttered to himself. "Who am I kidding... I'm just intrusive thoughts."

"Hey Rem-" Roman said, rising up in his brother's room. He instantly stopped when he saw the poorly disguised bags under Remus's eyes. "...you okay?"

"Not really," Remus mumbled into his blankets, "why'd you come?"

Roman paused for a second. "Wellll I was having some trouble coming up with a gift for the person I got, so I was wondering if you could help. However, it looks like your having some trouble too."

Remus looked up at Roman, noticing the bags he had under his eyes as well.

"Creative block," they both muttered at the same time.

Remus laughed for the first time in days. "Wow, even the creativity gets it," he said with a teasing smirk.

"I think you mean creativities. We are both creativity, after all!" Roman happily replied. He began ranting about something he was trying to make, but Remus didn't hear a word.

Both creativity, he thought as he began to smile again, he thinks we're both creativity?

"Rem? Remus?" Roman asked.

"Oh, sorry! What'd you say? Remus asked, snapping out of his thoughts.

"What should I get Virgil?" Roman asked again.

"Virgil?"

"Yeah, Gerard Gay isn't the best at dropping hints at what he wants."

"Hm... what do you know he likes? Put yourself in his shoes. Or his-"

"MUSIC HE LIKES MUSIC!" Roman quickly interrupted. "He likes listening to music!"

Remus laughed a loud, full, laugh, making Roman smile and laugh a little as well. "If you were Virgil, what would you want?"

Roman pondered the question for a couple minutes, then suddenly shot up with an idea. "OH! I KNOW WHAT TO GET HIM! Thanks Remus!"

"No problem Roman, just remember to-" Remus began, then looked at Roman who narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "toooooo... wish him a Merry Christmas!"

"Nice save," Roman chuckled, making Remus beam. "Do you want some help figuring out what to give who you have?"

Remus sighed, mumbling a tired "I don't know," into his pillows.

"Hm... well just remember what you told me," Roman said, "what would you want if you were them?" Remus opened his mouth with a mischevious smirk, to which Roman added, "rule of thumb, if you wouldn't want Patton to get mad or pass out, don't give it as a gift." Remus immediately shut his mouth.

Remus sighed and groaned into his pillow, exhausted from having no ideas.

"Let's see... you can make things, summon things-" Roman started.

"Wait, summon things, like animals?" Remus asked.

"Of course! If you wanted to, that is. Although I'd suggest not making it lethal," Roman replied with a smile.

Remus grinned. "Thanks Ro, I think I have an idea!"

"That's great! Let me know if you'd like any help!"

"Thanks!"

Remus smiled to himself as Roman left, carefully working on his idea for Janus. He was certain it would be amazing.

~CHRISTMAS DAY~

"CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS!" Patton excitedly shouted, waking everyone up in the process.

Patton had insisted on a sleepover on Christmas Eve, and none of them had the heart to deny the request.

Virgil yawned, failing to hide the small smile on his face as he noticed Roman stretch, hair messily falling down on his face.

"Nice bedhead Princey," Virgil teased.

Roman playfully glared, clutching his heart as if in agony.

"Why, Emo Nightmare, must you wound me like this? How could you DARE insist that, I, PRINCE Roman, have a-" he tilted his head back dramatically, causing him to see his reflection in a mirror and let out a very un-prince like squawk.

"I'll make the hot cocoa and then we can do the Secret Santa!" Patton exclaimed, rushing to the kitchen.

"I can assist you Patton," Logan offered, putting on his glasses.

"Thanks Logie!" Patton replied, making Logan blush at the nickname.

Remus and Janus slowly woke up as well, both a little excited although hesitant admit it.

"Well, this is not how I wanted to be woken up," Janus mumbled to himself with a soft smile on his face, oblivious to a blushing Remus looking at him. When he looked back and saw Remus staring at him, a faint blush spread behind his scales.

"Hey Janus, there's chaos and I didn't cause it!" Remus said, turning away to hide his blush.

"I'm not surprised, and I don't think you'll add to the chaos as soon as you can-" Janus began, only to see Remus already gone and probably eating something inedible.

After the chaos had died down (Roman brushed his hair and they dragged back Remus from eating Christmas lights), it was finally time for the Secret Santa to begin.

"Me first!" Patton said, rushing to grab the gift he had gotten. As soon as he found it he ran back to put it in Logan's lap. "This is my Secret Santa gift to you!"

"Do... do they know what a SECRET Santa is supposed to be?" Janus whispered to Remus who was sitting next to him, raising an eyebrow.

After taking a moment to collect himself, Logan carefully unwrapped the gift. Inside were multiple sci-fi series that he had been looking for.

"I knew you had been looking for those books, so I got them for you!" Patton exclaimed, voice nearly shaking from excitement.

For a moment, Logan was stunned into silence. However, he quickly recovered and replied with "t-thank you Patton, I deeply appreciate the thought put into this. I look forward to reading them."

Patton quietly peeped a quick "you're welcome," butterflies in his chest from the touched look on Logan's face. Logan suddenly turned back around, handing a small wrapped gift to Patton. "It's not the best, but I hope it's satisfactory."

Patton quickly looked up, momentarily caught up in the euphoria of gifts. He tore into the present to find a small, blue, crotche cat with a tiny heart on it's ear.

"Aww, Logan!!! This is purrrr-fect!"

Logan tried to roll his eyes at the pun, but couldn't keep a small laugh from escaping.

"Me next!" Roman sang dramatically, heading over to Virgil with a carefully wrapped gift and taking a seat next to him.

Virgil carefully opened his gift, slowly taking off the tape and removing the wrapping paper. Roman bounced up and down next to him, both in nervousness and excitement.

After what felt like forever to Roman, Virgil pulled out a dark purple set of headphones, with a black thorn pattern carved into them.

"Woah Princey... did you MAKE these?" Virgil asked, completely in shock at the care put into the headphones he held.

"Yep!" Roman responded giddily. "It took a lot of time, but I figured it out! The thorns were a last minute touch though. Oh! And they also block out other sounds, you had mentioned that your current headphones didn't do that a while ago."

Virgil, one of the most reserved sides, looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Thanks... I didn't realize you cared that much Roman," he said quietly, hiding his blushing face in his sleeves and gently leaning against him.

Roman gave him a soft, genuine smile as Virgil leaned against his arm. "Of course Stormcloud!"

"This is your present... it's awful compared to the headphones though..." Virgil mumbled, shyly taking his head out of his hands and giving Roman a shiny red bag with lots of tissue paper.

Roman being Roman, he quickly (and messily) opened up the gift, squealing when he pulled out a thin but elegant red crown. "It's a CROWN, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me!"

Virgil hesitantly put it Roman, who squealed impossibly louder after turning around and seeing his reflection in the mirror. "I love it!!!"

Roman hugged Virgil tightly, and after the initial shock, Virgil relaxed into the hug. To Roman's surprise, he stayed leaning against him even when the hug had ended. He didn't mind.

"Since it isn't obvious who your gift is from now, here's yours Remus," Janus said, handing a rather large bag to Remus.

Remus immediately tore into the bag, clawing his way in through the side instead of taking out the tissue paper. He gasped in astonishment when he pulled out a long, intricate sword, identical to the one of his logo.

"Woahhhh..." he whispered under his breath, admiring the sword. He looked up at Janus, a huge grin on his face. "Thanks!!"

Janus smiled, secretly relieved that Remus did enjoy his gift.

"I have your gift... I just didn't really have a way to wrap it," Remus said, a hint of nervousness in his voice. "So, uh, hold out your hands and close your eyes."

"Remus, is this something appropriate?"

"Yep!"

Janus raised an eyebrow but did as Remus had asked. A second later, he heard a collective gasp from around the room, followed by something placed in his hand.

"You can open your eyes now."

Janus slowly opened his eyes, shocked to find a small, yellow snake that fit in the palm of his hand. His eyes widened, and for a brief second his face shone like the universe had been placed in his eyes.

"You like it?" Remus asked.

Janus nodded vigorously, at a loss for words but as absolutely adoring the snake that slithered in his hand.

After opening the rest of the gifts, all the sides stayed together for a Christmas movie night. Patton was asleep on a dreaming Logan, and Virgil was asleep against a sleepy Roman who wrapped his arms around him.

"Hey, Janus?" Remus asked, yawning.

Janus looked over.

"Did... did you really like my gift?"

Janus smiled a true, genuine smile, reserved oy for Remus, and kissed Remus's forehead softly, making them both blush. "I loved it."

As Remus soon fell asleep against Janus, the slimey snake boi only had one thought.

Rigging the Secret Santa was definitely worth it.

[eddieismypimp]

Jealousy is a nasty disease.

Oscar x Plus Size Reader @chaneajoyyy here you go babe, thank you for being so patient with me :( Warnings: It's kind of like that one episode but obviously I changed some dialogue. This is fucking terrible, like it's so cringe like I HATE IT! But I hope you like it bby <3

                           Y/N POV "It's so hot!" I complained out loud as I laid in Oscar and I's bed. The fan was directly on me and I was still burning. Oscar left a few hours ago to handle some business, and he left me here alone in this hot ass house. I checked my phone as it buzzed. Uggggghhh, it's just Monse. There's nothing wrong with Monse, I was just hoping it was Oscar telling me he was on his way home.

Monse- you wanna come to the pool with us?

I gasped in excitement. I forgot the public pool was opening today.

Y/N: ummm, fuck yeah I do! imma get ready and meet y'all there

Monse- okay, we'll be here

I hopped up and put my bathing suit on. I grabbed a tote bag and put all of my essentials in it. I put some sandals on and walked out of my room. As soon as I was about to walk out of the front door, Oscar walked in. "Hey babe." I said kissing his cheek. "Hey, where the hell you going?" He asked. "To the pool." I replied. "Oh yeah, with who?" He asked raising his eyebrow. "Monse invited me." I said. "I'm going with you." He said. "Okay, go get ready, I'll wait for you." I said going to sit at the table to wait for him. After about 5 minutes, Oscar walked out in his swim trunks. "You ready babe?" I asked him standing up. "Yeah." He said wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we walked out to his car.

                       -Time skip-

After we left the pool, we all decided to go to the fair. Going to the pool was much needed and I got to spend time with Oscar and Cesar. That rarely happens because Oscar is always handling business and Cesar is always with his friends. The only bad part about the day was when Jasmine got puked on. It ALMOST got on Oscar and I but we dipped quick. It was hilarious afterwards though. So hilarious in fact, that Oscar was still weak as fuck about it even as we walk through the fair. I wasn't about to kill his vibe though. I love hearing him laugh, and his smile was gorgeous. Jasmine on the other hand, was getting very annoyed. "I'm gonna go get drinks." She said. "I'll take a corona. I won't need a lime though, I'll just pick one out of your hair." Oscar said busting out laughing. Jasmine looked at me with an unamused face. "Get your man girl." She said walking away. I just chuckled. As jasmine walked away, Oscar wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. "Hi baby." I said smiling at him. "Hi." He said kissing my cheek. Just as Jasmine was coming back with two big slushie drinks and a corona for my baby, we heard a whistle. Everybody's heads turned to the direction it came from. I had no idea who they were but they looked like babies for real. They were staring at us and I was mad confused as to why. I looked up at Oscar. "Babe, who the fuck are they?" "Don't worry about it." He said, unwrapping his arms from me and walking over to them. I looked at Cesar in confusion but he just shrugged his shoulders and went back to talking to Jasmine and Monse. I was not liking the vibe that was being created in the studio today so I just decided to walk around the fair for a little and play a few games. I had only been playing for a few minutes when I heard someone walk up behind me. I figured it was Oscar so I didn't turn around. "Hey babe." I said. "Hey." A voice said that definitely wasn't Oscar's but it sounded very familiar. "Jefe?!?" I asked turning towards him. "In the flesh." He said grinning at me. I squealed and gave him a hug. "How are you? Where have you been?" I asked. "I been here and there, taking care of shit, you know how it goes." He said. I nodded my head. "I been good though. How's everything going here with spooky and everything." He asked. "Everything has been really good here lately actually." I said. "We came here together but he had to go do something real quick, he should be back any minute." I said. "Oh, well I can keep you company until he gets back if you'd like." He said. "Of course!" I said.                    -Time skip- It was like 15 minutes later and Oscar was still talking to those people. I could see him from where Jefe and I were standing so I wasn't to worried about it. Jefe was playing a ring toss game, trying to win me a giant stuffed sloth. It sounds mad corny but I LOVE stuffed animals for real. *DING DING DING* "Ayee, that's what I'm talking about." He cheered as he grabbed the sloth. I started laughing. "You're stupid."  "Thank you though." I said smiling at him. "I'll carry it for you, this bitch is heavy as shit." He said hoisting it over his shoulder. " Thanks bro." I said laughing. "No problem." He said. After a couple more minutes of us walking around and talking, we decided to get a slushie and sit down at the nearest picnic table. "You're deadass a pussy, it's a stuffed animal." I said laughing.  "You're really under estimating how heavy this motherfucker is." Jefe responded defensively. "Alright, Alright." I said putting my hands up in surrender laughing again. We were just enjoying our slushies, catching up when Oscar walked up. "Babe! Finally!" I said getting up and kissing his cheek. He moved away from my kiss. "Um, excuse me." I said taken aback. "Why you dissin my kisses for?" I asked annoyed as fuck. "Who the fuck is this? Oscar asked pointing at Jefe. "This is Jefe." I said. "I've told you about him a few times, remember?" "Nah, I don't remember shit." Oscar said. "Bro, why you bein so rude for real?" I asked. "He been all up on you this entire time." Oscar said. "Don't think I ain't been keeping an eye on you." I just stood there for a second. Jefe and I made eye contact and BUSTED out laughing. "What the fuck is so funny?" Oscar asked, clearly still pissed off. "Baby, Jefe is gay." I said wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. He stood there for a minute. "I'm pissed." He said finally. "Now I'm out here looking stupid as fuck." Me and Jefe DIED at that shit. "Hey man, it's all good." Jefe said. "It happens a lot surprisingly. I thought it was obvious as fuck though." Oscar laughed. "That's my bad homie." "It was good to see you y/n, but I gotta dip." Jefe said standing up. I gave him a hug. "Keep in touch with me for real." I said. "I will, I promise." He said letting go. I turned back to Oscar. "You're carrying my sloth for that shit you pulled." I said playfully. "Yeah yeah, on one condition though." He said, "And what’s that?" I asked. "You better never call me bro again." He said. I laughed. "See, you over laughing like shits sweet but I'm so deadass." He said. "Like I'm deadass not your bro." "I know, I know. I won't call you bro again, I promise." I said. "Good."

[mor-beck-more-problems]

A Taste of Fae and Croquet || Morgan & Deirdre

TIMING: the recent past

PARTIES: @deathduty & @mor-beck-more-problems

SUMMARY: An innocent game in the yard is crashed by a Stymphalian bird. The world cannot always be kind.

CONTAINS: animal death, soft gays

“The last croquet game I remember seeing was in Alice in Wonderland. And I felt so bad for the flamingos, with their heads bashed into the balls every turn, all those cartoon stars over their heads and how much they fought Alice because they didn’t want to play. I never wanted to look into the real thing because it looked so mean. But this is nice!” Morgan beamed at Deirdre across the lawn. She poised her foot over her ball, nestled adorably next to Deirdre’s, and took a big swing. Deirdre’s ball flew, bounced off the fence, and rolled somewhere back to one of the starting arches. With the extra swings she’d earned, Morgan got her ball into one more wicket and in good position to take the last two later. Smug, she skipped over to her girlfriend and gave her the requisite kiss Deirdre had insisted was customary when fae played the game.

“You aren’t making up the rules to go easy on me, are you?” She purred. “Because you should know by now, I like it when you give me a hard time just as much as I like to make you squirm.”

Deirdre laughed, both into the kiss and after, head tilted to the sky. “I am trying to give you a hard time, my love.” She grinned, staring at her purple ball in the grass. When she played the game with Maeve, she’d always won. And when she played with humans, she was more concerned about trying to hit the balls into as many of their heads as she could than she was with winning. Though Deirdre enjoyed winning as much as she did breathing, she was having fun with her loss now. It must have been something to do with the kisses, which she insisted occurred every time a ball passed through a wicket, or the fact that it was Morgan. “Besides, I don’t think there’s much else to the rules than ‘hit the ball through the wicket’ and then something else about bonus shots.”

She waved a hand in the air, uncaring for the propriety of croquet. There must have been a rule or something about making sure the ball stayed on the ground, but it was far more fun to send it sailing through the air, which she did. “Mind your head!” It went up and away and crashing into the wicket closest to Morgan. Deirdre jogged up to survey her work. “That counts, right?” she pointed at the wicket, bent out of shape and ripped from the ground, “I make the rules and I say that counts for two billion points, actually. Oh, and also—“ She leaned across, pressing her lips to Morgan’s. “—I just remembered actually you’re supposed to give these every time you hit a ball. Very important; can’t play the game without it.” She looked back down at their make-shift croquet field. “Oh, my love, you’re at the turning point now. You’re supposed to do something with that stake there...hit it, I suppose? And then start going back.” Deirdre took a look at her own ball, and her own standing in the game; she couldn’t remember what wickets she went through, and which she still needed to, and what order it was she was supposed to follow. Deirdre slung her purple mallet over her shoulder, maybe croquet just wasn’t the game for her.

Morgan jumped back to duck the flying ball. She wasn’t sure how Deirdre did it, and wondered if there was something innate in fae that made them do things as chaotically as possible. Clumsy with happiness, Morgan took a swing at the stake with her mallet, leaving her ball right in the choice place where it was. “You mean like this?” She teased. “And that means you kiss me again, right? I feel like  there was something you said earlier about having to give affection for other swings.” Deirdre had said no such thing, but with balls flying and wickets getting crushed, Morgan could tell that naming a winner wasn’t going to be a very important part of the day. She pulled her girlfriend close and kissed her neck, teasing her in the places that usually made her squeal. Then, flexing her body to its best advantage, she took her swing and guided her ball perfectly on course.

She backed away to steer clear of her girlfriend’s next shot when a shadow flew overhead. She shielded her eyes from the glare of the sun and pointed. “Is that a gull? Aren’t they supposed to migrate?”

Deirdre hummed, delighted under the feeling of Morgan’s lips against her skin. A sound which quickly bubbled into laughter. “You’re distracting me from winning!” Not that she was winning, of course, but that was the joke. Deirdre sighed, pleased, and readied herself for her swing. “No, that’s a heron, my love. It’s got the long neck thing going on, and it’s far too big to be a gull,” she commented casually, sparing only a short glance up. She had a game to lose, and birds were of no concern to her. As the shadow grew larger and larger, Deirdre in turn became more irritated. It was hard to align her shot in the dark, and she grumbled as she adjusted herself. “You know those things are almost as tall as you.” She wound back, mallet swung far behind her. “On account of your being short and all. There were a couple of them in Ireland, but I’ve never met one that didn’t want to—” She swung her mallet forward, waiting for the collision of wood to plastic. When it never came, she stumbled back, staring wide-eyed at a mallet missing its head. At the end of the handle now was a steaming goop, falling off the wood in thick droplets, leaving nothing in its wake. She stared at the ground, steaming holes where perfect grass once reigned.

“—eat me.” Deirdre blinked, throwing the mallet aside. For all her lack of concern for birds, she didn’t notice that the heron had landed or that it had spread its wings wide. Nor that it had flapped its wings, setting free a volley of feathers, whistling through the air. If she’d cared a little more about birds, she might have remembered something about iron. Instead she stood there, waiting for her brain to catch up with her environment.

Morgan couldn’t stop staring at the mallet. There was supposed to be a hammer head at the end of it. A few seconds ago, it had been there. She’d seen it. It was the purple stripe one because it almost looked like Deirdre’s favorite shade of plum and purple went first. But the head was gone. Not broken, just gone. Something Morgan didn’t know the words for was dripping from the ends and this wasn’t part of the game, this wasn’t part of anything that made sense. Dimly, she heard Deirdre say something that sounded an awful lot like eat me, but Morgan couldn’t find the words to the question she wanted to ask about it. Her eyes had finally caught sight of the heron, red and bronze and so much bigger than any bird had a right to be. It opened its beak to squawk, bright and sharp. Was it yelling at them? Was this just how giant scary birds said hello?

The heron flapped its wings and rose over their heads, squawking again. Its feathers spread and then they were flying, red and purple and shining. Morgan raised her arms to shield her face and whimpered at the pattering sound they made as they went through her skin. The heron swooped down to peck them both and flew up again, circling with menace. And then, Morgan finally found her voice. “What the fuck? What do you mean eat you?”

Deirdre hissed in pain, erupting in quivering gasps just a moment later. Feathers stained red with Deirdre’s blood stuck out of the ground, leaving bubbling slashes where they’d hit her. She’d done what she could to protect her face and neck, but the only thing she could think to use was the rest of her body. She trembled, faltering, moving just in time to evade another feather. Her body was on fire. Deirdre opened her mouth to explain before she was caught by another whimper of pain. “This!” She hissed, gesturing to her red, blistering body, “this is what I mean!” Trembling, she could do nothing but wobble where she stood, finding a measure of fear in looking up and risking a feather finding her throat. And of all the fae to try and eat, Deirdre knew there was some amount of pride in knowing she was the worst kind, and some peace knowing Mina wasn’t around. “T-th-they–“ Deirdre watched as her hands dripped blood to the ground, pieces of her robe hanging loose around her. For a moment, she lifted her head up and let free a small shriek, just enough to send the heron tumbling to the ground. The rest, she wasn’t sure she could manage between the spasms of disorienting pain. “Y-you–“ Her footing slipped and she bumped into Morgan’s side. “They eat–they–” An explanation refused to find a home on Deirdre’s trembling voice. Her mother had trained her to withstand the sting of iron, but not so much at once, not in so many places, not while she was happy. “M-Morgan,” she pleaded, though for what, she wasn’t sure. “Morgan.”

The heron righted itself, angrier and hungrier than it had even been. Deirdre was panting at Morgan’s side, head lowered. If only she could have a second, if only she could have a moment. The cuts on Morgan, marked by where they tore into her sweater, were healed already. Deirdre smiled warmly at them. “Don’t...let it get your head…” She glanced at the heron; at best, the fall had injured its wing, at worst, it’d only served to make it more determined. She didn’t have the time to figure out what both of those things might mean.

“Deirdre!” Morgan caught her banshee in her arms, gaping at the blood and burns that streaked down her body. “I’ve got you. But, what do we do? How do we distract it or stop it or--fuck!” Her words curled off in a shriek as the heron dove for its prey again. Morgan threw them to the ground, covering Deirdre’s body and curling around her, but that didn’t stop the bird from releasing another rain of feathers and snapping at Morgan’s back in frustration.  “Me! What about you? I’m just in the way, it doesn’t want--!” This time when the bird dove, it pulled at her hair, trying to pry her off Deirdre. Morgan gasped, trying to keep still, but it was trying again, pulling and pecking at her scalp and neck. Her head snapped up and for one awful, dizzying second she could see the bird’s talons, the iron glinting in the feathers, the single-minded determination in its dark eyes.

Morgan panicked, this time into action. She shoved Deirdre the last few feet across the lawn and into the pool. Then she flattened herself on the ground and covered her head, praying she’d find a way to dive in too before she was bashed into fertilizer.

The burning ceased, by miracle, it seemed. Her body was submerged in cold where it belonged. Deirdre opened her mouth to share the good news with her girlfriend, but the burning shifted suddenly to her lungs. Where there should have been air, there was water. She floundered, panicked, trapped in memories of her mother’s hand on the back of her neck. She kicked up and gasped when she reached the surface. Deirdre shook her head, wiping water away from her face. “Morgan!” She called out, surveying the scene. “Morg–“ Deirdre laid her hands on the pool’s edge, determined to climb out and help, but wherever she found hold, her grip quickly slipped. There was something to be said about water in freezing temperatures. “Morgan!” She tried again, slashing her hand on the cement. “My love–“ The bird turned to her, another volley of feathers for her pleasure alone. Deirdre sucked in breath and dove down, watching feathers cut harmlessly through the water. When she re-emerged, a plan became far more clear to her. “Morgan! Morgan, I can scream! I just need–“ She dove again, kicking back to the surface. “I just need it to not be–I can’t aim like this! Morgan–“ She dove again, this time swimming around in quick laps. It occurred to her then that heron weren’t birds that were shy of water, in fact, they excelled in it. What seemed like a good plan, might have served to make her a much more delightful target. Deirdre refused fear. Morgan was more than capable. Morgan would figure it out. The heron wouldn’t be a match for a woman that had come back from death.

Morgan would have rather the bird peck her down to stumps than sting Deirdre with another feather. That wasn’t good, or helpful, but in the awful silence when the heron stopped pecking and snapping at her body and swooped over the water for Deirdre, it was the only thing she knew. Not her. Anything but her.

“No!” She croaked, scrambling forwards to the pool. She tried to get her love’s hands, to make out the words and process anything but the one useless thought circling her head. Not her, anything but her, anything but her…

Scream. Right. She just needed to buy Deirdre time without being in brain liquifying distance. Morgan searched the ground nearby. Not much, but she hadn’t known that today would entail fighting for their lives. The heron swooped down to the water again, its beak skating the surface, searching for the right place to take aim.

“Hey!” Morgan shouted. The heron took no notice. She scrambled to the other side of the pool and lifted one of the rocks they’d put in to make the pool feel like more of a lake for Mina. She hefted it in her arms and threw it as hard as she could at the bird. The heron squaked and flapped into the air, dodging the blow. Now recognizing a persistent obstacle, it narrowed its eyes and shot out for her. But Morgan had already reached for her second weapon, her croquet mallet, and when the heron was close enough, she swung.

There was no mistaking the thunk of wood against bird-flesh, but the bird didn’t act phased. Instead it turned, plumes flared furious, and went again. Morgan swung and gasped as the bronze beak burned across her vision as it splintered the mallet in its grip. “Shit.” The heron flew back, circled, and there was nothing else at hand. She ran feet first into the pool and let herself sink as it came for her. They had seconds, at most, before it would start fishing the water for them. Morgan would think of something clever, a way to stay just out of reach of the sound, a way to put her panicked thoughts to good use. Sooner or later it would come to her. It had to.

As far as screaming went, it was a hard thing to do when flailing in the water. Deirdre laughed when she thought of how her mother hadn’t prepared her for this circumstance; the woman seemed to have thought of everything and yet, she’d never once been stoned by a mob of humans but she was in a pool trying to scream. When her wounds had become a manageable burn, she swung her arms over the pool’s edge, trying to get her angle. The heron flew wildly as it tried to fight Morgan, and as skilled as Deirdre knew she was, she couldn't manage a clean shot. There was the delay to account for, for one thing, and the worry of Morgan, for another. When she thought she had it, Morgan was running towards the pool, and before Deirdre could ask, she was jumping in. “Nice hit with the mallet,” she smiled, water splashing into her face. “Very good form. Have you done this before?” Concern did not exist in Deirdre’s features; a by-product of personality or upbringing or desire to soothe Morgan, perhaps. All that mattered to Deirdre now was the presence of her love beside her, and that the heron was over there. Deirdre swam up to Morgan, grinning even as the heron pecked at the edge of the water. “Do you come here often or…?”

The heron squawked, a deep gurgle of a sound; large wings spread wide and angry. It squawked again, pecking viciously where Morgan and Deirdre were just out of a beak’s range. And perhaps it was the fae in her, all along, that gave her such delight to see the creature struggle where she knew its life was over. And to prolong its death was just a treat, for her. It lifted one long, thin and spindly webbed foot into the air, squawked one last time, and released a final assault of feathers. Deirdre dove in time, pulling Morgan down with her, and in the blue water tainted by plumes of her red blood, surrounded by iron feathers leaving bubbles in their trails, she mouthed ‘you did good’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you’ and then she winked. Deirdre kicked up and screamed, finally, watching the heron fall over like a lawn ornament in the wind, as though it had never been yelling and fighting. As though it had never lived at all, and certainly not as though it had once tried to kill them. The creature lay unconscious, not dead, and perhaps it was the fae in her that delighted in the promise of something more to be done.

Or, perhaps rather, despite her grinning and winking, her body burned even in the cool water, and rejected being pushed to scream any harder. Or, in spite of her calm appearance, her heart thrummed loud against her chest, and her mind swirled with terror for what screaming in water did to a zombie’s brain. The creature lay unconscious, not dead, because Deirdre feared to do more. She turned to Morgan, weathered and body-heavy; in truth, she might’ve liked to just sleep and let the pool carry her like a leaf in a river to a place that didn’t know the cycles of predator and prey. Perhaps it was the woman in her, the person, that closed her eyes and imagined just that.

Morgan could only stare wildly at her girlfriend as she mouthed her affection, grinning with wicked delight as only she could. Morgan couldn’t remember being more in awe of her, or more frightened of the loss of her. The only words in her head were no, be careful, and don’t go. What if the bird was faster? What if it took her neck in its beak? What if--but Morgan knew better than to say these things, or to imagine anything at all. She clung to the lilly reeds to keep herself down to keep herself from pulling Deirdre back and waited.

She didn’t have to wait for long.

The sound shook the water and struck through the depths, keening in fury, in pride. Distorted as it was by the water, the scream still shook something inside Morgan. When it was done, she rose slowly, half dazed, half frightened. “Deirdre?” She called. Her love was floating off into the cattails. The heron was on the ground, suspiciously in one piece.

“Hey--” She swam with her into the shallows and cupped her cheek. “Are you okay? Did it get you again?” She couldn’t tell one set of burns apart from another, and there were so many all over her. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come up with anything better. I kind of panicked. But we can get you dried off and inside, and I’ll get the burn salve and take care of everything…”

Later, when the memory of this day broke past her defenses and replayed itself in her mind, Morgan would not be able to tell if she trailed off because she heard the heron’s wheezing breath, or if her own innate sense of having come up short signaled that something was amiss, or if she simply ran out of things to say, and finally had enough quiet to hear. It trembled through the air, unmistakable, and Morgan stared at the bird’s chest with each shallow, rattling sound.

It was still alive.

“It’s going to wake up eventually, isn’t it?” She whispered, already knowing the answer. Of course it was. And when it did, it would release more feathers, or it would fly away to eat another fae. And what if it found Mina on campus? What if it found Jared on his farm? Morgan stared at the bird, trying to peek into another world where suffering only existed in nightmares, where life thrived in peace. Some place where no creature was put forth to be a menace, to be something that could only take or be taken. But if that place existed, she could not see it; it was not here. And what kind of an idiot was she to think otherwise? Who knew better about the turn of the wheel of life than a cursed witch? Who knew more about the grip of death than a zombie?

“You should get out of the pool before any of the feathers touch you,” she said, climbing up the steps.

She crossed over to the croquet set and picked up one of the mallets from the stand and dragged it over to the heron’s body. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I can’t let you hurt my friends and I’m sorry.” It felt like a long time before she could summon the will to swing the mallet, but when she did, fissures lightninged up the handle and the heron’s skull cracked beneath its poisoned feathers. Morgan swung again.

It was a lake; shielded by thick forest, surrounded by ribbons of wildflowers. The stalks of cattails brushed Deirdre’s skin, balm to the burning that claimed her flesh. It must have been the countryside, the house in her head. It must have existed somewhere where the world would not touch them without permission. It was a lake, and when she opened her eyes, it was Morgan’s glistening face under the light of morning, where the fog that claimed the water had just begun to lift. There must have been a picnic set about in the grass; a book for them to come back to. And a house, cozy but not tiny; she liked to imagine it with red brick. “Did it get you again?” Deirdre blinked; nothing could get them here, didn’t Morgan know? She reached to brush wet strands of Morgan’s hair aside. That would puff out when it dried, surely. In their swampy lake, away from the world. Morgan apologized and Deirdre shook her head, smiling gently as the sun rose behind her. “You’re perfect.” It was a lake. Then it was a pool in the afternoon; their picnic was a croquet game, ruined. Their house was a clean white, and bigger than either of them knew what to do with. Her body was on fire. There was a Stymphalian bird.

Deirdre moved slowly, half in pain and half in mourning for a dream spurred by the fervor of pain. She hadn’t noticed the feathers at all until it occurred to her that the strange tickling cattails were too low to the water, and didn’t tickle so much as they burned--which only felt like tickling against the rest of the burning. Their lake--pool--was covered by an array of them, all having floated to the surface. She rose out of the water, picking a few out of her flesh; there was no imagining them as the hooked burs of her dream wildflowers now. Deirdre dripped blood and water where she moved. It was Morgan’s swinging that woke her up, just as it insured that the bird would never.

“Morgan--” Deirdre rushed to her side, hands on her shoulders; hands at her arms; hands clutching hers, mallet held still and fractured. By the time she got there, the bird was paste on the ground, like roadkill without the road. “You could have ate that.” She said, looking at it. Well, it wasn’t so soiled, maybe it was more like tenderized meat now, and Morgan did enjoy those gummy textures. “Hey,” her voice softened as she pulled the cracked mallet from Morgan’s grip. “It’s okay, my love. It’s okay. What are you thinking?”      

Morgan’s thoughts didn’t come in words, at first. Looking down at the bird, beautifully colored but lean in the chest, maybe malnourished, she could only see the unfairness. When her dad had explained that the universe wasn’t all one thing or another, it sounded like there was something soft or gentle in everything. The wasps that frightened her helped the flowers to grow, the lightning that reminded her of her mother’s yelling improved the atmosphere, the people who were cruel to her sometimes turned kind. She had put that thought away sometimes, when it made her stomach clench with guilt, but she had wanted to believe in it. But looking at this dead, beaten heron, she felt as though there were threads in the universe that were just cruel and when you tripped on them, you had no recourse but to touch some of that cruelty too.

“It only knew how to hurt people,” Morgan whispered. “Hurt fae. Even if I tied it in a sheet and dumped it at the town border, it was just going to eat another fae. And if it came back and hurt you…” She didn’t dare finish the thought and trusted her love to hold the missing piece. “I can take it to my studio to get the rest of the feathers out, so we can do something with the rest, so it doesn’t go to waste. And I’ll...c-clean the pool, before Mina gets back. I don’t want her to…” Morgan’s voice choked on the sorrow she was trying to drown with reason. “I’ve got this. I can take care of the rest.” Her throat filled with water and a sob cracked through her lips. “I just hate this world sometimes. I hate how we can’t just leave each other alone. I hate some of these choices…” She searched for Deirdre’s hand and gripped it tight. Hate them as she might, she didn’t regret any choice that protected Deirdre. She didn’t know if that was best of all or worst, but she  knew it was true.

“Oh, my love,” Deirdre held Morgan close, pulling her tight against her body. The truths of her world were known to her since birth, tales of the food chain were her mother’s idea of a bedtime story. “It’s just an animal, my love. It doesn’t know malice, or prejudice. It doesn’t hurt fae, it doesn’t know what a ‘fae’ is. There’s food and not-food and it can’t help what it was made to eat. Just as you know that it must…” Deirdre trailed off, remembering covers pulled up to her nose, questions she knew better than to voice as her mother held firm in her stories. The little bird ate the grasshopper, the snake ate the bird, an owl swooped down. Life was cyclical, and none immune to death. Deirdre shook her head, and laughed softly at herself. How many times had she heard and parroted the sentiment, how many times had she lived shackled by it? She didn’t care much for things and their places; she wanted Morgan and a lake, in the place where life could be more than its cycles. Deirdre pressed her lips to Morgan’s cheek once, then twice and a third as she held her head to her chest. “Thank you,” she said finally, “for keeping me and my people safe, even though it was hard. Thank you.”

She pressed another kiss to Morgan as she leaned down, using her blood for some good to write a message on the stone. ‘DON’T GO IN THE POOL’. Mina would recognize the bird and know better anyway, whenever she came home. Deirdre rose and kissed Morgan again, and again, trailing to her lips, where she lingered. “Just leave it now, it’s not going anywhere,” she said against them, breath tickling cold flesh. “Don’t you want to come inside with me now? Into our good world? You did what you had to, and that’s okay, come inside with me now. Rest.” She smiled, “and we can handle the rest later. Doesn’t that sound better?” Deirdre pressed closer, determined in her coaxing. “The world is unfair, isn’t it? It’s terrible and chaotic and filled with horrible, complicated choices.” She leaned in. “But it’s also the most wonderful thing, when I get to hold you. When we’re together.” She kissed her, firm and steady. “Let’s go in, my love,” Deirdre breathed, “tell me all about how much you hate the world, sometimes. How much it hurts to make the necessary choices. And love me, let me love you, and let us feel how good the world is too. How good these choices are. Come--” She pulled back, taking Morgan’s hands in hers. “We can experience the world as it is, bad and good; terrible present and hopeful future. And whatever it is you need to do, you can do later, when it all starts to feel a little easier to carry. Come inside, my love. Come with me.”

The heron’s ignorance didn’t make anything better, Morgan wanted to say. That only made the creature innocent and unteachable. It hadn’t been doing anything wrong. And how often did Morgan insist that you shouldn’t judge the way someone was made, the way they needed to survive? The heron’s mistake was flying over Morgan’s yard, in trying to devour Deirdre in front of her. If animals were worth screaming for, that moment must have sealed its fate. How could she do anything less to protect her love? How could she pass on that pain to another fae, knowing what they meant to each other, knowing the grief that would follow?

Morgan shut her eyes and squeezed out the tears that had gathered beneath her lashes. She wrapped her arms around Deirdre and pressed her face as hard as she could into her chest, not minding how it made her feet stumble on the grass and the porch steps. Like this, pressed close with her face mashed in, she could capture the softest whiff of Deirdre’s scent, sweet fruit and musky trees. Like this, the wood and tile beneath her feet transformed into the soft, giving earth of a dream, the sounds of distant cars became the song of a tide that burbled with good memories and longing wishes.

She burrowed into that place they’d first imagined in their letters between wet kisses and long silences. She had thought it abandoned, since she had almost no reason to think about it these days, but under a blanket, cradling herself against her love, she found her way to that shore as if summoned. She saw fear slip through their fingers like silt and sorrow drip away in the lake. Death had no sting and love and love alone colored their sky. Outside, in the true world, the sun sank, the snow melted, and the dead heron’s feathers flitted up and scattered like autumn leaves. But Morgan held fast to her love and stayed in their painless world as long as she could.

[emy-loves-you]

(Slightly) Less Useless, (Definitely) Gayer Chapter 4

Confronting the Princes

Chapter 3 | Masterlist | Chapter 5

Warnings: Some of this is in the POV of a predatory transphobe, so a lot of bad things will be mentioned (also, as I post this I realize that the first few lines could be seen as discussions of animal cruelty, no animals were harmed or considered being harmed in this fic)

“Okay, but wouldn't it get a little bit drunk?”

“No. The Carassius auratus would surely suffocate before it could become intoxicated. Besides, the chances of it even ingesting any liquid before dying is slim.”

“Ooh! Would it be like hotboxing, but with death?”

“I am not sure what ‘hotboxing’ means.”

“I’ll have to show you later!”

Virgil sighed as he entered the room. “You’re not getting Logan high.” Remus and Logan were sitting on the couch, debating something. Virgil pushed down his jealousy. Debating wasn’t exclusively between Logan and Virgil. Besides, Remus tended to discuss topics that made Virgil… uncomfortable, to say the least. Speaking of which…“Do I want to know what you’re talking about?”

Remus bounced lightly in his seat. “I was wondering what would happen if you put a goldfish in a tank filled with vodka.”

Ah, so a tamer topic this time. Virgil shrugged, heading over to the couch. “Mind if I listen in?” Remus shrugged, and Logan held out his arms. Virgil (a little too eagerly) accepted, moving to sit in his boyfriend’s lap. Logan’s arms moved to wrap around Virgil’s waist as he rested his head on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil sighed, closing his eyes as they continued their conversation on drunk fish.

As the conversation continued, Virgil allowed his mind to wander. It’s been one month since Virgil confessed to his boyfriends. Not much has happened, surprisingly. Any time Virgil’s boyfriends weren’t busy, they’d all hang out at Janus’ house. Virgil was relieved to see everyone getting along, especially Remus. Remus’ intrusive thoughts and insecurities made him uncomfortable to go out in public alone. Virgil was happy that Remus was developing a positive relationship with Patton, Logan, and especially Roman.

Speak of the Devil. Roman suddenly knocked on the door. “I hate to interrupt, but breakfast is ready.” Remus squealed, running to the dining room. Logan and Virgil followed at a more subdued pace. It was currently almost noon, so it was more like brunch than breakfast, but it’s the thought that counts. Today was the 5-year anniversary of Janus and Remus’ relationship, and Janus wanted to celebrate by cooking breakfast for Remus. Considering the fact that Janus has never cooked a single meal in his life, this meant a lot. Janus had spent the entire morning attempting to make something edible with the help of Patton and Roman. Virgil decided to stay out of the kitchen, not wanting his own anxieties and possessiveness of Janus’ kitchen to cause interference.

Everyone took a seat at the dining table as Janus and Patton entered, each with a tray of food. There were buttermilk pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Janus took a seat next to Remus while Patton sat next to Virgil. They ate in relative silence, with the occasional compliment to Janus’ cooking (sure, the bacon was burnt and the pancakes were in multiple pieces, but it was good for Janus’ first attempt). Eventually, everyone finished eating and quietly talked amongst themselves. Logan and Roman were arguing over how to properly eat a pancake. Remus seemed determined to kiss every square inch of Janus’ face, making sure to whisper something in Janus’ ear between every kiss. Virgil and Patton watched quietly, holding hands underneath the table.

Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz

Roman looked at his phone and paled considerably. Logan glanced at the phone and sighed. “Just ignore it, Roman.”

Remus looked up. “Ignore what?” He looked over at the phone and read the contact name. “Why are they calling you!” He looked furious.

Roman huffed, shoving the phone away. “They call me once a month to try and convince me to stop being gay. They constantly call it a ‘phase.’ And according to them, the only reason I’m gay is that I thought it would magically bring you back somehow.” If it wasn’t such a serious conversation, Virgil would’ve snorted at the jazz hands Roman sarcastically made at ‘magically.’

Remus stared at the phone in silent fury while Janus got out his phone. He entered a number but didn’t hit call, just watching Remus. Virgil watched as Remus turned to look at Janus. Remus bit his knuckle as he looked at the phone. Janus showed him the number and raised and eyebrow. Remus sighed and brought his non-bitten hand to tug at his hair. Janus gently removed the hand from Remus’ hair, rubbing small circles into Remus’ wrist. Remus stared for a few more minutes before sighing. “We’re gonna need time to get ready.”

Janus smiled softly. “I know. I’ll help get everything together.”

Roman sat up, grabbing his phone as it stopped ringing. “Get what together?”

Remus turned to Roman with a shaky smile on his face. “Have you ever been in a limo?”

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Barbara Prince was surprised to hear a knock at the door. Today was both Barbara and her husband’s day off, and the two of them were in the living room. Barbara was dusting the mantel, while John was watching some sports game that Barbara didn’t care about. Barbara hummed a small tune as she set down the cleaning supplies and went to answer the door. She made sure to take her time; if someone wanted to talk to her that badly, they could wait a few minutes. Now, who could it be? Almost everyone is out on vacation right now.

Barbara Prince did not gasp at the sight of Janus Williams outside her house, thank you very much. Barbara never believed that she’d ever meet such a prestigious (or wealthy) individual. If Barbara wasn’t a faithful wife, she would’ve swooned on sight (never mind how Mr. Williams is several decades younger; after his mother died, Barbara’s sure the man would enjoy an older woman in his life).

If Mr. Williams noticed the staring, he didn’t say anything. In fact, all of his attention was turned towards the other man on the porch. The other man was also fairly attractive. He and Mr.Williams were both wearing form-fitting business suits with green and yellow accessories. The man seemed uncomfortable, biting his lip (which only drew attention to his face- or more specifically, his mustache).

Barbara snapped herself out of it, finally noticing that she’d been staring at the two of them for an improperly long amount of time. She gave Mr. Williams her best smile. “Hello. How may I help you fine gentlemen?”

Mustache Man slightly cringed before taking a deep breath. “Hello, Mother.”

Barbara froze for a second. “Roman? Oh, sweety! It’s so good to see you!” She quickly wrapped her arms around him, ignoring the way he tensed up “I see you took my advice, and I’m so proud of you!” She let go of him, only to pinch his cheek. “Look at you, all dressed up for business! And I see you know Mr.Williams.” She turned to look at the man in question, who’s face had stayed neutral the entire time. “I hope my son hasn’t been too much of a handful.” She giggled at the irony, hiding her smile behind her hand. After years of disappointment, one of her children were actually paying off!

Mr.Williams cleared his throat. “I believe we’ve reached a bit of a misunderstanding.” He made a gesture behind him, and Barbara finally noticed the vehicle parked on the street. Is that a limo?! The back door opened, and four men stepped out. The first man Barbara didn’t recognize; he wore a similar outfit with purple accessories. Barbara fought back a sneer at his shaggy purple hair. The next two people took her a moment to recognize; they both wore glasses and their suits each had sky blue or navy blue accessories. Barbara didn’t bother to hide her sneer when she recognized them. Logan Croft and Patton Morale. Roman’s ‘boyfriends.’ What are THEY doing here. She smirked. Maybe they’re here to apologize for all the shit they convinced Roman to put me through. I’ll let them grovel and beg for forgiveness. Barbara was so distracted by Croft and Morale, she didn’t even notice the last person until they were already on the porch.

Roman!? Barbara turned to look at not-Roman. The man chuckled nervously, biting his lip again. “It’s been quite a while now, hasn’t it, Mother?”

Barbara found herself freezing again. “Rebecca?”

Rebecca tensed up while the man with purple hair hissed out, “That is NOT his name!”

John chose that moment to approach the door. “Honey, who’s at the door?”

Rebecca took a deep breath. “I have just come to say a proper goodbye. You never respected my wishes to be a man, and you never respected Roman’s wishes to love who he wants to love. But we are both living happy and successful lives without the two of you. I ask that you never try and contact me or Roman from here on out. Good day.” With that, Rebecca spun on her heel and went to walk away. Mr.Williams touched Rebecca’s elbow and whispered something in her ear. Rebecca nodded once before walking away with Roman and his boyfriends in tow.

Mr.Williams smiled at Barbara and John. It reminded John of the smiles Barbara used to give the gay men who lived down the street. It reminded Barbara of a python, poised to strike. “If I may come inside, there is something that I would like to discuss with you, Mr and Mrs.Prince.”

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Virgil watched from his seat in the limo as Janus was forcibly shoved out of the house, the door slamming shut behind him. Virgil had to physically restrain Remus from getting out of the limo. Janus quickly brushed himself off, muttering something that Virgil couldn’t hear. He quickly made his way back to the limo, giving the simple order to take them home. Whatever he told the Princes, he didn’t share with the rest of them. Virgil watched as Remus and Roman curled up together. The two brothers were uncharacteristically quiet, with Remus rubbing small circles into Roman’s hands.

Roman suddenly grabbed Remus’ right arm. “Do you remember?” The rest of the question went unsaid. Whether because Roman didn’t want to talk much or because it was an obvious memory, Virgil didn’t know.

Remus chuckled softly. “Yeah. We climbed the old oak tree in the backyard. You fell out and I tried to catch you and suddenly my arm broke from under your fat ass.”

Roman nodded. “Do you remember what you said?”

Remus tilted his head. “I said a lot of things that day. I specifically remember that day being the first time cussed that bitch out.” He smiled softly. “But I don’t think that’s what you’re talkin’ about. Can you be more specific, Ro?”

Roman sighed. “You said that we would stick together. That you would never let me fall alone.”

Remus’ smile grew. “Yeah, ‘birds of a feather’ and all that. Why’d ya ask?”

Roman took a deep breath. “Does that still apply now? I know I pushed you away and it’s been so long but-”

Remus pulled Roman in for a hug. “Roman, you are my brother. You mean the world to me. I’m sorry I left you alone. But I promise that we’ll stick together from here on out.” We gave Roman a shaky smile. “Twins forever, right?”

Roman laughed, tears forming in his eyes. “Yeah, twins forever.”

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Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst @whatishappeningrightnow @idont-freaking-know @cute-and-angsty-princess @artsy-enby09 @girl-who-reads @drarrymalecsolangelo @count-woe-laf @im-an-anxious-wreck @ent-is-undecisive

[terracottaalchemist]

i love a lot of those prompts but what if you did 44 with Davekat 🥺🥺👉👈

Your wish is my command!

You're So Annoying

Pairing: Davekat

Prompt: 44: "I see you smiling...come on, laugh!"

Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you can't believe that this is happening to you. Twice. Not only did you already spend three of your adolescent years on a meteor, hurling towards the boss fight of a lifetime, but here you are, a grown man, traveling through space again. And you have to admit, it is just as boring as you remember it being.

You look over your shoulder to see your beloved Karkat reading one of his raunchy romance novels. He gets so into them, you can't help but chuckle. And like the good matesprit/kismesis/ boyfriend you are, you decide to go fuck with him.

Fuck. You pause at the word. No, you mean bother him, not fuck him. Fuck with him. fuck.

You regain focus. His ears flick to pick up the sound of your socked feet padding across the bedroom, right to where he lays comfortably in his pile.

"Mind if I join you," you ask sweetly.

"Mmrrg, just don't move too much," he says without looking up.

You take that as the warm welcome it is and flop down, making sure to knock the book with your elbow a bit.

"Watch it!"

"Sorry dude." You bite down a grin, wiggle up to him, and toss your arm over his shoulders. Damn, you miss being taller than him, but not really. It's just a bit of a stretch, that's all. Karkat glances at you. You smile as big and obnoxiously as you can. He just chuckles and goes back to his book.

After a few minutes of you trying to read along, he jerks upright. Without a word, he grabs your wrist, pulls it down, and leans back. Your arm curls softly around his side now, and you tug him closer so it's more like a half-spoon. Hell yeah, you could get down with this.

Or not. Despite the affection, he's still ignoring you. Oh well, you try to keep yourself busy.

"Dave, stop trying to hum your shitty slam poetry. You're doing it directly into my ear, which, may I remind you, is hundreds of times more sensitive than yours."

"Dave, for fucks sake, beatboxing is just as bad!"

"Oh my- Dave I will make you sleep on the floor! I'm trying to read, just shut the bulge scraping fuck up!"

"Alright alright," you say. "I'm sorry." You wrap both arms around him, tucking your nose into his hair. He huffs, but he leans back into you. Hm...this is no good. Sure, you want to annoy him, but not if he's just going to not annoy you back! You feel his core tense under your hands as his eyebrows pinch, nearing the end of his chapter. He's so cute when he's reading.

And the clouds part to make way for your genius mind. Your brilliance is astounding. Why didn't you think of it earlier? You have a plan.

You slowly tuck your hands under the hem of his sweater and slide up to place them on his cute stomach. So cute. Karkat hums in shy approval. You wait patiently, rubbing small circles into his purring chest, until you can't wait any longer.

With an evil grin, you dig your fingers into his ribs, right below his sensitive grubscars.

"Da-AHA!" He yelps. His back arches forward, stretching his ribs out for you even more, before slamming back into your chest. He curls his limbs in like an armadillo, but his head stays thrown back, choking down laughter. You tease his soft sides, poking and fluttering your fingers across every inch. Karkat nearly bites his lip off, refusing to give you the satisfaction of getting his reaction.

"I see you smiling...come on, laugh!" You wrap around him even tighter, ticking up and down his stomach like you were born to do it.

"F- Fuuaahahaha! Fuck y-ouuhuhuhhmhmhm!" He tries to turn around and smack you, but he's trapped in your lap. Or, at least you think so. He's too ticklish to escape, plus you know he likes it.

"Dahahave, I'm waA- I'm waaharning yOUHU!" So loud. He squirms left, right, forward and back, trying to escape your grasp without loosing his page. He still won't pay attention to you? Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. With all the courage you can muster, you slam your hands into Karkat's armpits.

Or, at least you try.

See, before you could even switch tickle spots, Karkat throws his book to the floor, drags you out of his pile, and pins you to the floor by the wrists of your shirt. The troll strength in his gorgeous hands and arms holds you down, combined with his flustered, red face, makes your heart bounce. God, he's so beautiful when he's mad.

"Dave...fucking...Strider...." You wait for him to say more, but it doesn't look like he's going to, for once. With a deep, sexy growl, he tears the sleeves clean off your arms and carves his claws down the centre of your shirt. Karkat yanks the fabric from underneath you and throws it away.

"Aw man, I loved that one! You owe me a new shirt, babe."

"Don't you fucking babe me! I'll kill you!"

"Kinky," you say, as if you can't dig your own grave any faster. "Wanna let me up now? I won't tickle you anymore, let's just cuddle." You smile.

Karkat doesn't smile. He sneers. Suddenly, you feel very nervous about being under your very strong, very angry matesprit/kismesis/human boyfriend, in nothing but your pajama pants. With anime-villian red eyes and anime-villian shark teeth, you begin to realize the gravity of your situation.

"W..wait, Karkat. Um, I didn't- I," you stutter uselessly. Your hands shoot down to stop the claws raking up your sides, but he's just so strong. There's no stopping him, and you both know it. You whine, urging yourself to stay still. If you don't move, he won't see you. Right?

"You didn't what, Dave? Didn't think this through?" You close your eyes, but it just makes the sensations worse!

"Ah, haha- no! No no babe come on please I was just messing I didn't really mean it plus you like it I don't-"

"I sure as hell don't like it when I'm trying to read!" With that, he digs his fingers into your ribs the same way you did to his. Only this time, you howl. You twist and flail your arms, unsure how to fight back or escape. God it tickles so bad, it's torture.

"Nohoohohoo! No- naaaaahaha!" You squeal as he runs his terrifying teeth across your stomach, occasionally peeking his tongue out too join in. Suddenly, your entire body jolts as his hands drift down to squeeze at your sides. Your own hands are free to push weakly at his assault, as you gasp and squeal with every touch. A hot blush creeps up your neck.

"Who's laughing now, fucker? You are," Karkat teases, still nibbling your soft middle. Your laugh jumps up in pitch at his cruel words.

"Plehe- Hahahaha! P-plehehease!" You grab his wrists with all your strength, and he outright growls at you. His hands slide down to your worst spot, digging his thumbs in your hips with expert accuracy.

"AAAAHAHAHA! KAA- KAHARKAHA!" Screaming with laughter, you can't even beg for mercy. You nerves burst like fireworks as your body squirms further into Karkat's touch without your permission. You want to curl up, run away, but your body quivers uselessly at every touch.

"Shhh, don't attract any of the others," Karkat warns. Fortunately, Karkat is much to considerate to let that happen: his cute ears twist towards the door every few seconds, checking for footsteps. Unfortunately, that also means no one is coming to save you. He switches to scribbles and scratches all over your hips and waistline.

"Shihihihiiitt!"

"What's wrong, Dave?

"Aaaahahaha, I give I give i giAH! HAhaha-"

"You begging already?"

"Yes! Yes yehehehahahahh..ahaha..." You gasp for air. Karkat slowly stops. Giggles still pour out from the sensations, and your flinch from the touch of your own hands as you sooth them over your skin.

Karkat admires you with dreamy eyes. He moves his legs back so he can lay on top of you, lips inches from your own. You lean up to kiss him. His lips are soft, fitting perfectly with yours, making everything ok. Tucking your hands under his sweater again, you reach around to hold his lower back.

Another idea pops into your impulsive head. You would only have one chance to get it right, otherwise Karkat would just take the upperhand back again. And if you were to fail....

You grin. Against your better judgement, you pick a fight with your lovely kismesis. You wrap your legs around Karkat's waist as tight as you can, hold him with one arm, and tickle all over his ribs.

He barks, curling aways to protect his side. You fail to get past his arm once, twice, and it's too late. Your hands are glued to your sides between handsome thighs. God, you're so gay.

"Really, Dave? You must really want me to wreck you, huh."

"Aaaaa," you whine. Your face burns. "Don't...don't just, say it!"

"Say what?"

"You know..."

"I don't. Tell me."

You shiver. "No!"

"Say. It. Right now, or I won't tickle you. I'll go right back to my book-"

"No no nonono ok fine you win!" You glance at your shades perched on the nightstand, yearning for their protection under Karkat's gaze.

"Still not what I want to hear," he smirks, running his tongue over his teeth.

"Baaaaabe."

"One," he says.

"What?" You're confused.

"Two."

One, two...Oh god. He's counting!

"Thre-"

"Wait!! Wait wait wait! Ok. Um, so, I-" Your throat dries up, chest heavy. Karkat just watches you patiently, soaking up every detail of your face. "I like it when you, um. when you... when you tickle me..and I want..um, you, to.. I want you t- to...tickle, me. more," you babble. Karkat does not look very impressed. "Um. please?"

He taps his chin, tightening his legs around you again. You wiggle, hot with embarrassment. "I think you can do a little better than that."

"Nooooo!" This isn't fair. You open your mouth to protest, but you're distracted by his sudden hands on your chest. You can feel the edges of his claws, careful not to dig into your delicate, human skin.

"I'm waiting," Karkat says, pretending to be bored. He still may leave though.

"Sorry, ok. Um, please, Karkles." You take a deep breath. "P-please tickle me, babe. I need it."

His eyes widen, so you urge yourself to keep going: "I want you to..to tickle me until I can't breathe. I- I love it. Come on, Karkat. Please, please, please..."

You feel his body tense. His ears tilt down, turning a brighter shade of red to match both your faces. He just stares.

"Sorr-" His hand covers your mouth, cutting you off. He looks at you through his bangs, that look in his eyes that you didn't even know you had been craving.

"Just remember, you brought this on yourself."

You don't even have time to nod. His hands are all over you, making you scream loud enough for everyone onboard the damn ship to hear. As boring as space travel may be, you're glad that this time you have Karkat to keep you busy.

"I lohohove youuuu!"

"Oh I love too, Dave."

I hope this meets your expectations @edgy-and-extra !!

[ameanonus]

Conference| Hinata x Male Reader

I made this on my old account and transferred most of my anime works here!

WARNING: Slight mentions of body parts

You had just came back with Naruto and Jiraiya from your two years of training. You had on an F/C and F/M/C jacket with black pants and had an F/C forehead protector

“Nee Y/N wanna get some ramen with me?!"Naruto asks you.

‘When was the last time I had Ramen???’ You thought to yourself

"Sure I guess but I’m not paying for you!"The Last time you paid for Naruto you had to give away some of your weapons just so the old man wouldn’t complain and whatnot.

"What?! Why not?!"Naruto shouted as you guys were almost there

"Because you made me bankrupt”

“Y/Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!”

As you guys were eating your Ramen you heard what sounded like Sakura, Ino and Hinata’s voice

“I told you they’d be here. Its Naruto we're talking about!"Sakura said coming to you guys.

"Whatever he’s your team-mate bill-brow”

’, There still at it ?-_-’ You thought

“Shut up Ino-pig!”

’Yep’

“Y/N how come you didn’t say Hi to me with Naruto? I missed you!"Sakura said hugging you.

You see Sakura had a crush on you and Sasuke, and you were nicer to her than Sasuke.

"I’m sorry Sakura-chan. I had things to do. But hey you look great!"You told her

"See Naruto! Why can’t you be like him instead of being a pervert and picking on my chest!?!"You look down to her chest to notice…

'No wonder why Naruto had those bumps in his head. He must have called Sakura-chan flat-chested. But then again he isn’t wrong' You thought

”I said I was sorry geez!“Naruto said….and they started fighting. You notice Ino had left and Hinata was there.

"Oh. Hey, Hinata I didn’t see you there!"You said as you go to hug her.S he froze up feeling tense to the closeness of you

"H-Hi Y-Y/N-K-Kun w-wel-lcome back!"She said stuttering.

"Hn. I see you still have that stuttering problem. Cute"As you said that she fainted and started twitching.

"Hinata?”,You said poking her

“Y/N look what you did!"Sakura said hitting you in your head leaving a big bump on it

"Owwwie and it’s not my fault Andi said was that she had a stuttering problem ad it was cute!”

WACK

“OW WOMAN!”

.Few Weeks Later.

(This is episode 113 I think where Rock Lee invited they guys for the HotSprings)

.Y/N POV.

Lee had invited us to the Hot Spring. The only reason ad why I’m coming is because 1:I’m bored 2:I don’t want to be alone 3:I may get to see some of the girls nake;)

Naruto, Kiba, Shino, and I were sitting on the stool with a bucket over our heads with water.

“Hahaha yeah, Shino that's a big-AHHHHH SHINO WHAT IS THAT?!!??!!!!"Naruto said backing away from Shino.

"Hahaha oh lord Naruto hahaha oh you make me laugh, "I said laughing falling off my stool and on to the ground

"Naruto, Shino is a bug user. Of course, he has bugs all over him because their living in him"Kiba said throwing water over him.

"Oh..hehehe sorry, "Naruto said sheepishly

"Ahhh that was a good laugh eh Kiba?”,I said going over to I stool and sit in it.

“Uh yeah Y/N"I heard Kiba said but when I turn around I saw Kiba in the hot tub and a Kiba next to me.

Naruto and I blink.

"Kiba?”

“Hn oh that's-”

PUFF

“Woof!”

“Akamaru. They don't allow dogs in her so he clones himself as me" Kiba said

"So Shikamaru, how’s you and Temari?"Naruto said smirking.

Shikamaru’s face was red "N-naruto I told you, we're nothing!”

The guys laugh at him “Whatever you say! So Neji what’s going on with you and Tenten?"Kiba asks this time

"Nothing”

Way to be blunt

“Y/N!"Naruto shouted. Im sure the other girl can hear us from the other side

"Hmm?"

"Who do you like? We never have seen you with anyone or like anyone at all!!”

“YEAH! Naruto has a point, I never seen you look at a girl before" Choji said

"BAHHHH HAHAHA WAIT Y/N your gay? Hahaha"Kiba said laughing while the other guys snicker

"No, I’m not. I just never got the chance to ask her out" As I said that the place got quite

"Well…who is it?!"Damn Naruto for being loud

"Well it’s Hinata”

“Y/N... .?”

“And Hinata?" The guys said.im sure there imagining it

"Yeah I can see him being with her" Shino said

They started talking about how I’ll ask her and what not

"Hey, guys I think I’m gonna go, later," I said as I wrap my towel around my waist. And walkout.

Girls Side

"Hinata did you hear that?!"Sakura said squealing at a blushing Hinata.

The girls were giggling about the fact that Y/N had like Hinata

"I’m just gonna go, "She said as she gets up and took her towel and wrap it around her, leaving the giggling and squealing girls to do their gossip

Y/N POV.

As I was leaking to the change room I saw Hinata in it naked.

When she turned around she drops the bra that she had in her hand

"Ekkkkkkkkk! W-what a-are you d-oin-g here Y/N?!"she squeak

"I could ask you the same thing Hinata.You're on the boys said"I said as I closed the door and walk closer to her

"W-what?"She said

"And I’m guessing you know that I like you and you like me right?"All she did was nod but back up until there was no more space.

"So how about we make this dream come true?"I said as I bent my head to her neck since I was taller than her and kissed her neck

"Y-Y/N-N!!" she moaned and gasped.

"How about we lose my towel?Hmm?"I said as I pulled it down

[thebladeblaster]

Pokémon: the Vanguard Descends

Chapter 39 The Sunset Dance

Aichi’s current team

Level 70 Ahmes (Gallade) psychic/fighting

Moves:

Close combat

Solar blade

Swords dance

Future Sight

Level 70 Wingal (Lycanroc (dusk)) rock

Moves:

Stealth rock

Crunch

Stone edge

Play rough

Level 69 Llew (Golisopod) water/bug

Moves:

Sucker punch

Blizzard

Liquidation

First impression

Level 69 Gancelot (Lucario) fighting/steel

Moves:

Focus blast

Stone edge

Meteor mash

Dragon pulse

Level 73 Soul Saver (Haxorus) dragon

Moves:

Outrage

Iron tail

Dragon dance

Scale shot

Level 100 Alfred (Aegislash) ghost/steel

Moves:

Sacred sword

King’s shield

Iron head

Shadow claw

It was getting close to sunset as couples danced together near the stage where Ultra Rare had performed.

“Now, this is what adult is Shinemon.”, Esuka said.

“Oh, stiff and formal adult that’s what you intended.”, Shin replied, with an embarrassed blush as Esuka raised her eyebrow.

“What do you think I meant, pervert?”, Esuka asked.

“Ahem! Uh...uh nothing! Anyway I have gotten so many cute pictures of Misaki today. Now if only I could get her to dance!”, Shin replied.

“In your dreams.”, Misaki replied coldly causing Shin to sulk.

“Come on, Aichi don’t be such a wallflower and go dance!”, Emi urged, pushing Aichi forward.

“I-I can’t even dance! I don’t know who to dance with!”, Aichi replied nervously.

“This is my chance to dance with Miss Emi! Then…”, Kamui thought.

Kamui’s imagination…

There was a beautiful sunset in the background as he danced with Emi. He was in a fancy suit with a yellow tie. Emi had a yellow dress that sparked majestically in the sunlight.

“Ah, Miss Emi your beauty outshines even that wonderful sunset over there.”, Kamui said, with romance anime like sparkles in his eyes.

“Kamui your kindness is greater than even our god.”, Emi replied, with romance anime like sparkles in his eyes.

They went in for a slow dramatic kiss that cut off just before they did.

Image end

Kamui was beet red as he imagined this.

“Kamui!”, Nagisa squealed as she tried to tackle him only for Kamui to swiftly dodge.

“Miss Emi w-would you d-dance w-ith-“, Kamui stuttered as he got up to Emi.

“Kamui can you help me find somebody for Aichi to dance with?”, Emi asked.

“Of course!”, Kamui replied chipperly with a nod.

“He could dance with Misaki.”, Yuri suggested with a sly smile as she elbowed Misaki.

Misaki’s eyebrow twitched with annoyance as she looked away hiding her light blush.

“You could dance with Kou-“, Gai was saying to Yuto before she cut him off with an elbow to the gut.

Koutei looked oblivious to all of this.

“Are you alright, Gai?”, Koutei asked.

“According to my calculations I should have a 98% success rate in getting a dance partner!”, Kishida said.

“Where did you get that statistic from?”, Kurosawa questioned, sweat dropping.

Kishida gasped with disbelief when as soon as Kurosawa’s hood came off girls lined up to dance with him.

“W-What kind of black magic is this!?”, Kishida questioned.

Mark whistled nervously as he looked around.

“So, are you looking for Shizuka?”, Shin asked with a knowing look on his face as Mark flinched.

“Ah, what gave you that idea!?”, Mark questioned defensively.

“Just a hunch.”, Shin replied.

“Maybe you could dance with Kai, Aichi.”, Miwa joked as Kai glared daggers at him and Aichi looked embarrassed.

“No./N-no!”,Kai and Aichi replied in unison.

Aichi looked mortified when he heard the flash of a camera and saw Shizuka walk in with a camera.

“You're always so cute, son.”, Shizuka said as Aichi became red.

“You're like a ninja, mom.”, Emi said.

Shin had a sly smile as he pushed Mark forward.

“I-I don’t even have a suit!”, Aichi said, looking mortified as Shizuka pulled out a suit.

“I got a dress for Emi too.”, Shizuka said as she pulled out a dress.

“Come on, Aichi. It is apart of your kingly duties to dance.”, Alfred said.

“Haxorus! Haxorus! Haxorus! (Hehe! Dance mommy! Dance!)”, Soul Saver giggled.

Elsewhere…

“R-Rekka, Suiko! Stop!”, Kourin stuttered as the two tried to push her onto the dance floor.

She had on a long golden dress with a gold veil that obscured her identity so she wasn’t crowded. The dress had a sun shaped broach and she had green heels. Rekka had a shorter red dress with black heels and a veil. Suiko had a cyan dress with dark blue heels and a veil.

“Y-you guys said this was for a show not a dance!”, Kourin said angrily.

“Well, we lied. Besides you need to live a little Kourin your way too stiff.”, Rekka replied.

Rekka had a Cheshire cat-like grin as she saw Aichi in the distance.

“You little…”, Kourin growled, before Suiko let out a push making her step onto the dance floor.

“Go, knock em dead Cinderella.”, Suiko teased.

“C-Cinderella?!”, Kourin questioned.

With Aichi…

He was looking very nervous as Emi, Kamui, and Shizuka tried to get him a dance partner. He felt very stiff and uncomfortable in his suit. He looked around shyly, catching a glitter of a golden dress in the distance. He sweat dropped as the person wearing it stumbled around ungracefully likely due to the veil blocking their vision. Little did he know it was Kourin and it was because Suiko pushed her. He saw that she was about to fall and moved without thinking, getting over the dance in a flash catching her in his arms. Kourin blushed intensely as he saw Aichi’s face from behind the veil. She saw he was wearing a black suit and dress pants. He had a blue dress shirt and a black tie.

“Are you alright Miss?”, Aichi asked politely.

“Lycanroc! Lycanroc! Lycanroc! (Oh my god, he’s actually doing it!)”, Wingal gasped in shock.

“Haxorus? Haxorus? Haxorus? (Am I going to have a daddy now?)”, Soul Saver questioned.

“Golisopod. Golisopod. Golisopod. Golisopod. (I don’t think any humans would wanna dance with us.)”, Llew said as he pressed the tips of his claws together.

“Lycanroc. Lycanroc. Lycanroc. Lycanroc. Lycanroc. (I can’t even dance like a human. I’m not even bipedal.)”, Wingal said.

“Haxorus! Haxorus! Haxorus! Haxorus! (Of course you can dance Wingal! See!)”, Soul Saver assured, grabbing Wingal’s paws and awkwardly hoisting him up on his hind legs.

“Lycanroc. Lycanroc. (Yeah. I think I’ll pass.)”, Wingal replied plainly.

“I-I uhh...it’s nothing! I just uhh...tripped.”, Kourin replied awkwardly, trying to mask her voice.

“There’s Prince Charming.”, Rekka whispered with a smug smile.

“Are you nervous too?”, Aichi asked, noticing her ears were red.

“A-Ah yeah...a bit.”, Kourin replied.

She squirmed a bit in his arms feeling a bit conflicted. His embrace was so warm and inviting she almost didn’t want to get out of it. Also, her heart was annoyingly fluttering as much as she tried to calm it down.

“Oh sorry I didn’t realize I was still carrying you. Hehe. You must really be light for me not to notice.”, Aichi chuckled nervously, putting her down.

“Thank you.”, Kourin replied awkwardly, looking away then back to him.

She put her hands over her chest feeling the flutter of her heart continue especially as she looked at Aichi. Aichi noted how the dress she wore glittered in the sun’s light creating a glowing effect. He squirmed a bit as he looked around the girl still in front of him. He was curious the image just seemed incomplete without seeing her face. Though, he didn’t want to be rude so he didn’t try to remove the veil. Not to mention, he could definitely sympathize with the anxiety that he thought made her put in the veil. It didn’t seem like anyone was asking the girl to dance which seemed like a bit of a waste. Considering the expensive dress she wore he surmised that she was probably really looking forward to this. He pushed down his own anxiety and extended his hand to the girl who he still didn’t know was Kourin.

“D-do you want to dance with me? I’ve never danced before so I’d probably be no good.”, Aichi offered as Kourin felt her heart fluttering faster.

“I haven’t gotten to that part of my king training with Alfred yet.”, Aichi thought.

She could easily tell how nervous he was. The expression was very plain on his face, but he still asked her. After seeing that she didn’t have anyone to dance with.

“Darn it, Aichi! Why do you have to be so nice?!”, Kourin thought, looking away before looking back to his hand hesitating to take it.

Their hands touched and the others gaped seeing Aichi was actually about to dance with somebody.

“Mission complete! Now, time to get my own dance partner!”, Rekka said as she walked onto the dance floor.

“When did he get over there?”, Emi questioned.

“Looks like Aichi is going to dance after all.”, Miwa commented.

“Ah, he’s doing it! I always knew he could!”, Alfred gushed, like a proud parent.

“Ah, my baby!”, Shizuka gushed as she raised up her camera.

Mark stood next to Shizuka nervously turning his attention to Aichi. He felt some pride seeing his shy student coming out of his shell like this. Now, if only he could follow that example.

Soul Saver pouted because Wingal didn’t want to dance looking over at the other Pokémon. This didn’t include Alfred who was too busy being a parent with Shizuka and Mark.

“Haxorus? (Dance?)”, Soul Saver asked.

“Golisopod! Golisopod! Golisopod! Golisopod! (I can’t! I have too much crippling anxiety!)”, Llew replied nervously.

“Lucario. Lucario. Lucario. Lucario. Lucario. Lucario. Lucario. Lucario. (I’m afraid of getting too close to my partner, they might accidentally get pierced.)”, Gancelot replied, gesturing his many spikes, especially the one over his heart.

Ahmes turned his attention away from Aichi who he had been watching with a proud smile.

“Gallade. Gallade. Gallade. Gallade. Gallade. Gallade. (I’ll dance with you if you really want to, Soul Saver.)”, Ahmes offered as Soul Saver bounced with excitement.

“Hax! (Yay!)”, Soul Saver cheered.

The others sweat dropped as Ahmes and Soul Saver went onto the dance floor.

“Looks like Soul Saver wants to dance like her mommy.”, Miwa chuckled.

With Aichi…

“I know how to dance. I can lead you.”, Kourin offered.

“A-alright.”, Aichi replied, nervously following Kourin’s lead taking her hands.

They circled around as they danced, Aichi looked down to make sure he didn’t step on Kourin’s toes.

“You’re supposed to look your dance partner in the eyes.”, Kourin told him.

“I don’t want to step on your toes.”, Aichi replied nervously, looking up.

He felt butterflies of anxiety in his chest as they danced. Especially as he noticed the daunting height difference between them.

“It will be fine. I’m a strong girl.”, Kourin assured.

“Alright...but it’s hard to see your eyes.”, Aichi replied awkwardly.

“True…”, Kourin replied awkwardly, not wanting to take her veil off.

With the others…

Yuri blushed as she danced with Koutei. Kai watched Aichi dance intently similar to Mark. Kamui tried to ask Emi again only to be pulled away by Nagisa. Emi sighed genuinely not knowing who to dance with when there were so few people her age. She wore a pink frilly dress with white heels. Chrono was with Mikuru looking around awkwardly. He had the ‘I don’t wanna be here’ look. He looked rather bored as Mikuru talked to Shin and Esuka. He didn’t really know what to do, just looking around.

“Umm...Chrono is it? Would you like to dance?”, Emi asked as Chrono looked around thinking she was talking to someone else.

“Me?”, Chrono questioned pointing to himself.

[sillypandalover91]

Twitterpated

Ao3

Self restraint was surprisingly one of Angel’s stronger suits despite what he lets people to believe. Growing up gay in an Roman Catholic mob family in a time where boys were sent for “medical treatment” for looking at other boys with a little too much interest would do that to a guy.

So when he felt Alastor’s fingers worm their way under his hand during family movie night, he didn’t react immediately.

It all started when Charlie discovered Disney via a patron who had recently died and was sent straight to the hotel by her mother of all people, with a note that said There was a mix up in processing, she doesn’t belong here. Take care of her until your Uncle Gabriel can come get her New Years.

Charlie had nearly detonated fireworks inside the hotel in her excitement because an honest to grandfather heaven bound had been blessedly dropped onto her lap. It would be an absolute shame if she didn’t take advantage and pick her brain to see how she earned her halo so that she could apply it to her other patrons, specifically Angel Dust who seemed to drift further and further away from Heaven’s light.

Vaggie had told her, not for the first time either, that Angel was a lost cause but never let it be said that the Princess of Hell was not tenacious. Nor was she one to give up on her friends.  He didn’t make it easy though...What with the turf wars and drugs and booze and constant sex and...yeah.

But here in her hands, she had a way to redemption and step one was obviously-

“I remember this studio,” said Angel when the opening jingle revealed the Disney Castle. He munched on some popcorn and nodded, “I remember watching Snow White, Pinocchio, and Bambi. Heh, Pinocchio scared the shit outa me. Growin up, pops told me that boys who were bad became jackasses .”

“Explains you,” muttered Vaggie into her mug of coco, nearly spilling it when Angel retaliated by throwing popcorn at her, “Hey!”

They had worked their way backwards, starting with the classics much to Alastor’s delight. Having grown up poor, all he had was a single fairytale book that was literally falling apart. Then he had discovered radio and then developed his fascination with murdering and...Well, he was glad to have this opportunity to experience fairytales again. Angel  in particular liked Al’s eagerness for family movie night. It was cute.

That is until tonight when they were watching Bambi and they were at the part where hunters had killed the fawn’s mom. Charlie gasped from across them, turning to Vaggie for some explanation as to why this was in a children’s film. Husk sighed heavily and took a long drink from his beer bottle, Niffty quickly getting up to bring more drinks but Angel didn’t miss how she was wiping at her eye.

He glanced over at Alastor, whose eyes had become dials, and twisted his hand so that their fingers laced together, gently squeezing them and slowly raising his upper arm out to coax his friend to curl up next to him. It was a long shot that Al would allow this despite their friendship but to his surprise, Alastor fell into place and reached out his other hand to hold Angel’s lower left one.

Bambi had hit too close to home for Alastor and they needed a brief intermission shortly after Bambi’s dad took him in. 

Water splashed on face and tears were wiped away. Snacks and drinks were replenished and they all made themselves comfortable again.

To Angel’s delight and horror, Alastor dragged a blanket over and made himself comfortable again tucked under Angel’s arm with a pleased smile, tail softly  thumping against the couch when Angel rested his head on his.

Spring time in the movie lifted everyone’s moods from Charlie squealing at the cute little skunks, to Alastor’s ears perking up when Bambi fought for his doe. He felt Angel’s breath come out in a snort but didn’t question it until the movie was over and it was just them two picking up the living room.

Angel shrugged, “I don’t know, guess the love dovey stuff was a bit much.”

“I thought you like lovey dovey stuff.” Alastor tossed the folded blankets back into their basket.

“I do. It’s just that I don’t believe that it happens the way it happens in movies. It’s unrealistic if you ask me.”

“Yes, exactly! I feel the same way. Though I suppose with moving pictures, time is of the essence what with their limited time frame to tell their story.” Alastor helped Angel take the dirty cups and bowls back to the kitchen, putting the dishes into the sink and rolling up his sleeves while Angel put away the left over snacks.

“I take it that you aren’t a fan of the whole love at first sight trope either then, huh?”

Alastor grin widened, “Not at all, my dear. Though to be fair, I  can’t say that I’m a fan of love either. Besides my mother, I never put much thought into loving someone else, never mind romantically.”

Angel’s heart ached at the deer’s words but he nodded anyway, “Yeah. Love is too messy anyway.” It had a nasty habit of making you see things that weren’t there. Of course Al didn’t feel the same way. Him cuddling and holding Angel’s hand didn’t mean anything. He was just cold and Bambi’s mom dying would’ve made anyone seek comfort in a friend.

“And requires far too much work,” agreed Alastor, his heart breaking at Angel’s dismissive words. But the work wasn’t as off putting to him as he thought. Charlie and Vaggie had their moments but months of being a shadow on the wall during their quarrels served to teach him that one disagreement didn’t have to mean the end of a relationship. If anything, working through it could make it stronger.

He felt Angel move next to him to dry the clean dishes. Alastor glanced at him from the corner of his eye, “Have you ever experienced...that is to say, have you ever been in love?”

Angel didn’t slow his methodological movements as he nodded.

“Oh.”

It had been almost silent but Angel heard it. He put the dishes away and waited for Al to finish washing the last few mugs, leaning an elbow on the counter and resting his cheek on his fist, “Have you?”

“No.”

“Hm.”

“Indeed.” Alastor wondered why he even bothered indulging in his confusing thoughts. The owl had described what Angel made him feel down to walking on damn air. Only thing it had gotten wrong was it hadn’t been as quickly as it had been with Bambi or Thumper, or Flower. It had been after Angel had decreased his advances and increased his willingness to simply chat with him well into the evening. How he didn’t blink twice when he’d made his famous gumbo with meat from his hunt or judged him he had walked on him snacking on fingers like they had been buffalo wings one night. As a matter of a fact, Angel had taken his cannibalism without fuss at all though Alastor chalked that up with Angel being a predator demon himself.

Then it had been the way Angel carried himself, even when he was ‘on the clock’. What Alastor had once seen as vulgar promiscuity, he now saw as hunting tactics. And if Angel had fun during his means to an end well more power to him. It was when he was off the clock, though, that Alastor found him the most endearing. When he was playing with Fat Nuggets. When he was having girl time with Niffy and Charlie, playing poker with Husk, and watching documentaries with Vaggie.

It was the way Angel smiled when he did all of this, content and relaxed, that made Alastor’s head spin and heart flutter. The way he cried if the documentary was about nature and a cute animal died. It was the way Angel was weak by demon standards but strong by human. By his standards.

“Al?”

Alastor jumped when Angel gently shook him by the shoulder with a worried frown. He felt himself smile, “Yes, darling?”

“I said that the mugs are clean enough. Give’em here so we can go to bed.” Angel took the squeaky clean mugs from Alastor and quickly dried them, putting them in their cupboard and tossing the dish towel into a basket next to the sink.

The two demons stared at each other, waiting for something neither knew the other wanted.

Sighing, Angel shook his head and offered a small smile, “Alright, I’m gonna go hit the hay. See ya tomorrow, Smiles.”

“Sweet dreams, dear.” As Al watched Angel retreat, a moment of foolish bravery overcame him and he called out to him, “Angel!”

Angel paused at the door and glanced over his shoulder, “Yeah?” He watched as Alastor summoned his microphone to fiddle with more than anything, something he’d noticed the deer did when he was nervous. Strangely enough, Alastor only did that when they were alone. It was cute.

Having found the words he wanted, or gathered his courage, Alastor asked in an unfiltered voice, “Do ya think...Do y’think you could fall’n love again?”

Self restraint was surprisingly on of Angel’s stronger suits, despite what he led people to believe. And now, he was happy it was because without it, he would’ve overstepped Alastor’s personal space and ruin whatever it was that was happening right now. Instead he lowered his lids and smiled warmly, “Yeah, I could. What about you? Think you could give being twitterpated a shot?”

“I won’t act a fool like those little animals from the picture, will I?”

“Would you care?” Angel asked as he reached out a hand.

Alastor thought about it for a second but answered Angel’s smile with a warmer one of his own and laced his fingers with Angel’s, allowing the spider to lead him upstairs to bed, “Not at all.”

[trashyswitch]

Tied to the Trends

Logan starts collecting ties with patterns, sayings and references on them. One day, Logan wears a certain-patterned tie for nostalgic purposes...Let's just say he should've seen it coming...

Sorry this one is so short...I didn’t realize that at first...Either way, hope you enjoy!

Patton couldn't help but notice something: Logan has been wearing tons of different ties. It's kinda funny, to be honest. It all started on the start of Pride month, when Logan wore a rainbow tie the entire month! Thomas absolutely loved his spirit!

What everyone DIDN'T expect, was Logan's commitment to different ties. Where he got them? No one could figure it out! All they knew, was that every tie Logan wore, told a visual story of his mood.

There's been lots of patterned ties. There was the Pi-dotted tie [which had the Pi symbol dotted all over it], a galaxy tie, a brain tie [literally a tie covered in outlines of the brain], and a periodic table tie!

There was also the strange, but funny ties! A hot dog tie, a minecraft-style blue tie, a POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS tie (Everyone pretended to avoid him that day), a Weed leaf tie (Yes...he really wore this...), and get this: A tie, covered in multiple layers of Shrek's face!

Patton's favorites so far, were the pun ties and the animal ties! Logan wore a dog paw tie, a cat tie (Patton SQUEALED at this one!), a duck tie (Roman laughed at that one), a penguin-patterned tie, and a tie with Llamas wearing glasses! He also wore a tie that said: I'M SO GAY I CAN'T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT. There was one day when Logan wore a tie that stated: CAT PUNS FREAK MEOWT (Patton proudly announced "YOU'RE WEARING A DAD JOKE!" that day). And that wasn't even the tip of the iceberg!

To top it all off, was the moment Logan went public for his new hobby. That day, during a Sanders Sides video, he proudly changed his tie to reply to something. Logan, who as tired of hearing Roman's statement, rose up from the mind palace wearing a blue tie that said: OKAY BOOMER on it. Everyone bursted out laughing at that, especially Thomas, who had no idea this was happening!

During the video, Virgil felt the need to make that same joke as well! So, he appeared with the exact same tie, on top of his hoodie. Logan laughed and appreciated the participation, but soon looked down and realized he was missing his tie! Turns out, Virgil stole his tie mid-video, and used it solely to bring back the joke! Logan started fighting the emo to get his precious tie back, but Virgil was very resistant! This soon created an unnecessary (but definitely humorous) chase scene between an impatient Logic and a mischievous Anxiety.

By now, everyone in the mind palace was well accustomed to Logan's new hobby. They would always look down at his tie, to see what new decorated piece of narrow fabric he was wearing that day.

One morning, Logan had woken up and put on a yellow, decorated tie. He had felt the need to wear something nostalgic (pre-school nostalgic, to be specific), and wanted to express that using his new hobby. The tie had Elmo from Sesame Street dotted all over it. Logan smiled at his outfit, before he left his room.

Logan walked out to the kitchen, where Patton was making waffles. "Good morning Logan!" Patton cheered as he removed the waffles from the toaster with a butter knife.

"Good morning Patton." Logan replied. Patton placed the waffles and the table syrup near Logan, and put more waffles into the toaster. "Thank you." Logan muttered. After putting some syrup on his waffles, he began cutting his waffles.

Unexpectedly, Patton came up behind him, and placed an apron over top of Logan. "Didn't want you getting syrup all over that outfit of yours." Patton explained as he tied the neck ribbon into a bow in the back.

"Thank you Patton." Logan replied. Patton smiled as he tied the waist ribbon into a knot onto Logan's back. Patton walked away, and looked up at the sound of the toaster lever jumping up. The waffles were ready. Patton grabbed the waffles out of the toaster with the butter knife, and placed them onto a plate. Then, he grabbed and spread some butter all over them, before sitting down beside Logan.

"How did you sleep?" Patton asked.

"I slept decent." Logan replied. Patton looked at his tie.

"I like your elmo tie." Patton whispered.

Logan smiled. "Thank you." he replied. Patton had looked at the tie, and noticed something about it: Along with Elmo dotted all over it, it also had the words; TICKLE ME littered in between the Elmo dots. This made Patton very curious. Did Logan know that his tie said that? Surely, he must've noticed. Patton attempted to hide it, but the father figure was growing mischievous. If Logan was gonna wear a tie that told the reader to tickle him, then he should've gotten himself ready for some tickles.

After what felt like a long 5-10 minutes of eating, Logan picked his now empty plate, and washed it in the sink. While he was there, Patton happily and quietly, snuck up behind him and squeezed his hands on Logan's sides.

Logan let out a yelp of surprise, and turned around. The first thing Logan couldn't help but notice about Patton, was his smug little grin.

"I couldn't help but notice...your tie." Patton told him. Logan was confused at first. What was wrong with it? "Do you not see it?" Patton asked.

"See what?" Logan asked back to Patton.

"What your tie says!" Patton replied, as if it was obvious. Patton picked up the tie. "It has TICKLE ME written all over it!" Patton explained.

"It's actually supposed to be Tickle Me Elmo*: The Elmo product that's been a fad for a couple decades..." Logan explained.

Patton gasped and lightly patted Logan's shoulder. "Do you remember Thomas's tickle me Elmo? The adorable little fluff ball of red that used to laugh and giggle when we-" Patton stated, before wiggling his fingers on Logan's stomach, and finishing by saying: "tickled its tummy?". Logan yelped and curled in slightly, as he tried to stop a wobbly smile from showing up on his face.

"Yehehes...I do remember that..." Logan replied, accidentally letting out a few giggles.

"You know...I wonder where that tickle toy went? I miss it sometimes. I wonder if it's still in Thomas's parents' house?" Patton wondered.

"I...couldn't tell you, Patton." Logan said amidst the conversation.

"Or..." Patton thought, turning his head slowly towards Logan. "Perhaps I don't need a tickle toy..." Patton thought aloud as his mischievous grin grew. Logan's eyes widened as he contemplated what to do. "Perhaps..." Patton continued, using his pauses to create tension. "I have a tickle toy, right here?" Patton suggested to himself as he reached out and grabbed Logan's shoulders with his hands. Logan was stuck. If he didn't have a chance to get out before, he certainly has no chance now...Patton's tickle toy is now in his loving and caring grasp, whether he liked it or not...

Logan gulped. That was all he could do, before being lifted up. Patton had picked up Logan and dragged him over to the living room. Patton, filled with excitement, plopped Logan onto the couch and started tickling his tummy with his wild fingers.

"Pahahahattohohon! Ihihihi'm nahahat aha tihihihickle tohohohoy!" Logan argued.

Patton gasped and put a finger on his chin. "You're right!" Patton declared. The childish father jumped up onto the couch, and sat himself onto Logan's waist. "You're MY tickle toy." Patton announced with a wink. Patton gave Logan's nose a little *Boop*, before going back to his tickle attack.

"Cohohohome ohohohohon!" Logan begged through his giggles.

"Come on? Come on, harder? Okay! I'll go harder!" Patton teased before covering Logan's tummy and sides with endless squeezes. Logan's laughter grew even louder! belly Squeezes were much more ticklish than just the wiggly fingers!

"PAHAHAHAHATTOHOHOHON! STAHAHAHAP! STOPSTOPSTOP PLEHEHEHEHEHEASE!" Logan pleaded through his laughter. Patton took pity on the poor man, and removed his hands.

"Too much fo' my pwecious Logan?" Patton asked in a baby voice. Logan was about to reply with something, before being stopped by the pressure of Patton's head and arms resting on his tummy.

"I can't help but notice you're being incredibly...childish today. Nostalgia?" Logan observed.

"Yeah..." Patton started to reply, before drawing on Logan's tummy with his finger. "I'm in a good mood today. I'm in the mood to be cuddled and played with." Patton explained. Logan nodded in understanding, and began to remove his tie.

"Are you in the mood..." Logan started asking as he lifted the tie over his head. As he reached the knotted tie around Patton's head, Logan continued. "...to be tickled as well?" Logan asked, before tightening the tie around Patton's light blue collar. Patton looked down curiously, as he saw the Tickle me Elmo* tie wrapped around his neck. Upon realizing this, Patton's face grew a light hue of red as he scrunched his shoulders in embarrassment.

"Yeeeeeaaaaahh...I am..." Patton confessed in a slightly slurred voice.

"Well in that case..." Logan started as he thought of a plan. "Since I dawn the color blue and you didn't take the idea yet..." Logan said, pausing for a moment. "I'm going to become the cookie monster! And YOU-" Logan stated, placing his pointed finger on Patton's chest. "-Shall be my cookie!" Logan suggested before lifting himself up to dominate Patton. Now, Patton was lying on the couch, and Logan (the cookie monster) was sitting on Patton's legs.

"SNACK TIME!" Logan shouted in a cookie monster imitation. Suddenly, Logan shoved his face into Patton's tummy, and started making nom-nom sounds as he aggressively nibbled on Patton's tummy.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! LOHOHOHOHOGAHAHAHAN!" Patton laughed gleefully.

"Who's Logan? The only monster here is the COOKIE MONSTER!" Logan teased in the gruffly Cookie Monster voice.

“PLEHEHEHEHEASE! DOHOHOHON’T EHEHEHEHEAT MEHEHEHEHE!” Patton begged. Logan finished his nibbling for a few seconds, so he could crawl up to Patton’s rib cage.

Logan lifted up Patton’s shirt. “Cookie monster is still hungry!” Logan declared in his Cookie Monster voice, before aggressively eating Patton’s ribs.

“NAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHAHAIT! COHOHOHOOKIHIHIE MOHOHOHONSTEHEHER!” Patton laughed hysterically.

Logan stopped and gasped.

“Me cookie TALKS?” Logan asked in the iconic voice.

“Yehehehes! Ihihihit tihihihihickles tohohohohoo muhuhuhuch.” Patton told Logan.

“Are you ready for letter of day?” Logan asked him like Cookie Monster.

Patton giggled as he nodded eagerly.

Okay. Just need me second...” Logan muttered as he pretended to reach his hand into a cookie jar. He pretended to struggle for the cookies, which made Patton giggle and clap his hands like a child.

“GOTCHA!” Logan declared loudly, before pulling out an imaginary cookie. “You know what THAT look like?” Logan asked. Patton shook his head eagerly, recognizing that he couldn’t see the cookie, let alone the letter. “That look like letter T!” Logan declared. Patton gasped and clapped his hands again. “What’s that? Hm?” Logan continued, bringing his ear up to Patton’s head. “T-T-T” Patton said in his ear.

Logan nodded. “It sounds like letter T...” Logan muttered, before bring his nose up to Patton’s ear and sniffing it. Patton giggled and laughed as Logan’s nose tickled his ear. “It SMELLS like letter T...” Logan continued. “Let’s see if cookie TASTE like letter T!” Logan suggested.

Patton gasped and watched as Logan snuck up behind him, and hugged him from behind! Patton happily took the hug, but also anticipated the tickles as well. Sure enough, Logan delivered. He placed his lips onto Patton’s neck and blew a BIG raspberry!

“NAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Patton bursted out. To top it all off, Logan decided to start aggressively eating Patton’s exposed neck!

“OM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM! OM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM! I could gobble you up!” Logan teased in his gruffly Cookie Monster voice.

Patton was cackling for what felt like an eternity! It was so tickly and playful! This was 10x better than a tickle me Elmo! Who needs a Tickle Me Elmo, when you have a nerdy Cookie Monster to gobble you all up?

It didn’t take long for Patton to start getting payback. Soon, there was a big tickle fight between Patton and Logan! Logan was the best at imitating the TV characters, while Patton was the best at teasing in general! Eventually, the 2 sides could be seen cuddling each other on the floor.

Roman, who eventually found them, was the one who took the time to drape a blanket overtop of them.

[deliasbabygirl-blog]

Home

Summary: The Doctor has been rather touchy lately, and while entertaining her with a quiet night in, the reader finds out just why the Doctor is reaching for her more often. 

Pairing: Thirteenth Doctor x Reader

Word Count: 1,538

A/N: Not a request, just something stuck on my mind. I fucking love Thirteen *cries in gay*

“What is this Imagine Me and You?” she questioned for the umpteenth time, following you through another aisle of groceries in the quiet town market. The small family you had created in the previous months, after many dangerous though invigorating adventures, decided tonight was one of which the humans needed some time away from time and space. The men chose a night of dinner and a football game while Yazmin decided a surprise visit home would suit her and her family well. This left you choosing to entertain the Doctor for your family was across the world, and you would rather spend the evening in London with her.

Though pouring the beginning of a storm on the small, timey town, you and the Doctor wandered through the empty streets recollecting on past adventures and giggling over the trouble you had found all those times. She had offered you one of her identical lilac coats, an offer you would be foolish to decline. Clutching it closed across your chest, you had continued splashing down the cracked sidewalks, listening to the soft, captivating sound of the Doctor cooing and oohing over the windows of closed shops.

Now, you stood staring at varying popcorns in the middle of a brightly lit aisle, the Doctor flush against your side mumbling the words written across each box; she never understood why your decisions took so long for all the small boxes read nearly the same thing. The feeling of her body against yours painted a crimson blush across your cheeks and the rounds of your chest, the color warming your skin as it grew wider. You nibbled on the inside of your cheek before absentmindedly reaching for one of the blue boxes and tossing it in the basket hung from your arm.

The Doctor grinned widely at you, evidently pleased you had made a decision, though truthfully your only decision was collecting a box in order to continue moving before your thoughts overtook you. “So, this Imagine Me and You?” Running nervous fingers through your damp hair, you snorted a chuckle as her hand grazed the base of your back, awaiting your answer to her burning question.

“It is one of my favorite movies, a classic really,” you teased, feigning ignorance to the fingers lingering on your waist, her starry eyes intrigued by your vague response. Though without detail, your answer seemed to satisfy her wondering for she smiled widely with a nod of acceptance. Silence surrounded you, though she seemed unfazed, her hand now holding onto your forearm as you wandered toward the checkout, tea and snacks collected.

The Doctor watched the cashier scan everything very closely, evidently amazed and delighted, and you watched her. You thought of the most recent week in the TARDIS, the way the Doctor seemed more enticed to touch your shoulders and your hands, her fingers gently pushing hair from your face or lingering when she would hand you something. When she would embrace you after any of the adventures, her face would find the crook of your neck, a sigh falling from her lips.

She spoke to you more, her own voice neglecting an outpour of facts and logic, but rather prompting your own intelligence to fill the space between you. When the others would wander to bed, you recalled, she would await your departure, offering tea and biscuits, sitting much closer to you than usual; it was as though she did not want to be alone, you thought.

“Y/N,” the sound of her voice, and the fingers upon your arm, bringing you from your thoughts into the moment, the cashier awaiting your payment for the groceries. Apologizing, attempting to ignore the concerned scrunch of the Doctor’s face, you handed the cashier a round amount of currency.  

Unlike the other members of your small family, you did not have a home or apartment to run to in the town. Instead, you booked a quaint hotel room complete with two beds for you and the Doctor to enjoy a quiet, uneventful night in. The moment you had opened the large door to the room, she hurried inward, gasping at the sight of the cheap chandelier and small kitchen area. “I’ll make the tea,” she nearly squealed, and you wondered why an alien who had ventured through time and space for centuries upon centuries was fascinated by a subpar hotel room.

Gently resting the remainder of groceries from your hands onto one of the beds, you allowed yourself to perch on the edge, watching the woman across the room. She leaned over a duo of ceramic mugs, plopping tea bags into the water she had microwaved, her fingers pushing hair behind her ear every so often. Gods, she’s beautiful, you thought weakly before clearing your throat, adverting your eyes from the softness of her jawline.

This was the Doctor, you could not think of her in such a way, you punished yourself. This was the woman who traveled from one world to another saving others with such generosity and kindness, with such intelligence and precision.  This was the woman who…smiled brighter than any star you had the honor of seeing through space, whose eyes were a universe you would much rather explore than the one above. This was the Doctor, the woman whose touch was soft and gentle and careful…

“Y/N, are you feeling alright?” Once more, her voice abducted your attention from the depths of your wandering mind. She looked down upon you, her legs between your thighs, her hands holding the mugs on either side of her. She stood so very close, you could smell the subtly of vanilla from her clothing, a scent you were positive came from the several biscuits and pastries she delighted in. Your own breathing hitched, the flush of warmth returning to your cheeks.

Nodding anxiously, you collected one of the mugs from her with a quiet thanking before nearly scrambling to the headboard of the bed to begin the movie. You prayed the film would distract her, leaving her fingers to herself and her eyes away from your own. The Doctor circled the bed as you fondled with the remote control, her weight curving the edge of the bed you claimed, her body pressing against your own.

“Doctor,” you nearly panted, your breath stolen by the returned presence of her body. “Uh, Doctor, there’s a bed over there if you, uh, if you-

“I’m just fine right here,” she assured, and her head fell to your shoulder as she brought the rim of the mug between her pink lips. Inhaling deeply, feeling the knotting within your stomach, you turned on the movie. Deafening silence erupted between you, the wedding scene occupying the television and the Doctor’s attention, but you could not focus on anything other than the thrashing of your heart. Feeling the weakness within your bones, you hesitantly reached your arm around her, running gently fingers through her soft, blonde hair. You swore you heard her humming lightly, but you shook the thought from your mind.

“You know,” she spoke quietly, steadily, running her fingers along the curve of her mug. “I have traveled for so long, and I’ve met so many people and aliens and things, but I’ve never felt more at home than when I am with you.” There was a shyness ribboning along her words, as though she was afraid to release the thought into the room, into the night.

The animal within your chest no longer found contentment within its cage of bones, thrashing harder, louder as she looked from the screen to your eyes, water resting in the corners, threatening to spill over. Fingers shaking, breathing quickening, you cleared your throat, watching her straighten her posture, now sitting staring back at you. “I think I love you,” the whisper fell from her quivering lips. “May I kiss you?”

Untrusting of the words swaying upon your tongue, you nodded dizzily, reaching to wipe an escaped tear trailing down her fair cheek. She leaned forward for what felt like a century itself before her soft kiss met your own, and the universe danced behind your eyes. This was the Doctor, the woman you had fallen for many planets before, the woman who occupied your thoughts and dreams. The woman you loved.

“I love you,” you muttered quietly into the kiss, pressing your lips against hers with need and urgency. You heard the clatter of the mugs falling to the bed, the feeling of the lukewarm drinks dampening your pants, but you neglected a care for the Doctor now straddled your thighs, her arms holding onto you as though she would float away at any moment.

As the kiss reluctantly found its ending, she nuzzled into the crook of your neck, her arms wrapped around your waist with lingering desperation, and you ran your fingers along her back atop the cotton shirt she wore. She sniffled, reminding you of the tears falling to your own shirt. You kissed the top of her head, inhaling the minty scent of her hair, your ministrations continuing along the curve of her spine. “Y/N,” she mumbled. “Promise me you’ll stay.”

Kissing her temple gently, slowly, you closed your eyes. “I promise.”

[animeslutblr]

Student Exchange Program (Bakugou Story)

Hey all! So for the first real post on my page, I’ve decided to start it off with a story I had in minddd, I hope you all enjoy uwu

It's a boring ole Tuesday morning and your annoying alarm is blaring in your ear causing you to wake up annoyed. Fuck this shits annoying you thought to yourself as you turned it off. You sit on your toilet taking you morning pee as the water in your shower took its time to warm up, you checked your phone as you waited until you realized what date it is.. you squealed in excitement because you realized that today is the day the principal announces who's going to be transferred to UA! You quickly got ready for school and went down to eat breakfast. "Goodmorning mom! How'd you sleep?" you happily told her as you ate the breakfast she made you. "Good.. are you nervous for today?" you smiled and replied, "I'm hoping my quirk is different enough to be chosen!"

-Your quirk is a handful... Your mother's quirk is being able to speak to animals and to shift into any animal she had come into contact with, and your father's quirk is shooting seawater out of his hands and turning into a merman or kraken... now yours, it's a mix of both their quirks. You can speak to animals and shift into them like your mom except you can only do it with sea creatures. And instead of turning into an animal fully you turn into a half human version, like your dad who can shift into a merman you can shift into a mermaid etc and ofc you can also shoot sea water out of your hands but the gag is... your body is 60% sea water. The average human has 60% normal water and you, my dear have sea water. You sweat, cry and piss sea water. Lovely ain't it? -

While you were finishing up breakfast your dad barged in wearing his hero costume sluggishly walking in "water... please... food... Y/N... help dad" as he fell flat on his face on the ground, you giggled and squirted some water on him to wake him up and he sucked his teeth at you "tch really? that is technically my quirk you know?? help your fellow seaman up and I'll give you more allowance money" as soon as you heard money you shifted your arms into octopus tentacles and sat him at the dining table with a sweet smile "I have to go to school now guys I love you!!" you ran out of the house and took your commute to school.

30 min later you and your friends are sitting in the auditorium awaiting the big news. Your best friend Leila squealed "If I don't get chosen I'm going to hate whoever got chosen with a passion!" you laughed "bitch shut up if I get chosen and you hate me I'll slap you so hard you lose your quirk" Leila gasped and thought "listen if you think your quirk is more exotic than mi-" she got interrupted as the principal cleared her throat "Good morning students at Pro Hero High School, as you all know today we will be announcing the transfer student chosen by All Might himself along some other teachers there such as Present Mic and Eraser Head. Please settle down as I speak to All Might to get his final decision." she walked off stage as you shook "I'm gonna shit myself with how nervous I am and she's taking her sweet time announcing who's the lucky one!" you huffed, another friend pat your head and said "Y/N relax, we all have basic quirks. Look at me! I have spider-man's powers. I'm a total cliche. This is new york girl none of us got a dope quirk like you." you smiled and looked up at him, "You think so Damien?" he slapped your arm "bitch yes I'm a gay ass spider-man if they choose me I'll suck All Might's dick let's be real." you and Leila burst out laughing at his comment but you quickly stopped as you saw the principal walk back out .. " Upon speaking to All Might and Eraser Head, they've made their final decision. The student to go to UA is..... Y/N L/N! They were impressed by her quirk and improvements and want to turn her into the ultimate hero!!" As soon as you heard the beginning of your name you fell off your seat! 

Your POV NOOOO WAAAYYYYYYY!! I have to call my mom, I have to go shopping! Is all I thought as I rolled around the floor you looked up at Damien and Leila with tears in your eyes "Guys... I'm gonna miss you so much" you pulled them into a hug then the principal called for you and you went into her office. "Yes, Mrs. Perez?" "Ah, the diamond of the school! Y/N please take a seat, now as you know UA is in Japan, and you are more than qualified to go.." I sat down as she went through paperwork I'm assuming that's about me... "You have the highest grade in the whole school in Japanese, you're very athletic and your one of a kind quirk is what got you into UA." you smiled at her as you thanked her "You have so much potential, and you remind me so much of your mother when she studied here.. not your dad oh man was that kid a trouble maker!" she laughed to herself you giggled and spoke up "Dad? a trouble maker? He's so uptight now.." she put away the paperwork, "Maybe he just doesn't want you to go through the struggles he did. Thankfully your beautiful mother gave him the time of day and made him into the man he is now. Since today is the last time we'll see each other being that your flight is Thursday night, be brave and smart. As our schools' motto states 'fight as one, more will be done' Good luck." you got up and went home to find your mom and dad with balloons and your favorite cake "omg mom, dad! you guys knew??" they laughed "y/n All Might is an old friend of mine you think he wouldn't tell me? Your mother and I knew about this weeks ago! which is why..." your mother ran off and brought in racks of new clothes, shoes, jewelry and an iPhone XR in blue. you almost passed out "omg... all these things... for... me? I need some water before I faint" your mom and dad laughed as they hugged you "we're very proud of you y/n, we know you can accomplish great things go upstairs and relax. You have a long flight ahead of you!"

Meanwhile in UA Aizawa Sensei got up from his sleeping bag and looked at the students in his class "As you all know we will be having a transfer student from the US. I don't care who goes, inside your desk is a piece of paper. Write down who you want to be apart of the student exchange program and put them in this box. Iida collect the sheets and round them up when they're done." as soon as he finished talking he went back to sleep Iida spoke up "Are you all finished?" the class nodded in unison "Midoriya help me write on the board." Iida opened the box and started reading out the sheets, first few read Mineta, two Bakugou and one had Jiros. Iida looked at the board and back at Mineta "guess you're going to the states!" Mineta looked around teary-eyed "Ehhh?!!! Nani???? why? I love you guys!!" Jiro spoke up "Mienta you're a fucking perve all the girls want to get away from you." Bakugou slammed his hand on the table "who the fuck wrote my fucking name huh???" Todoriki raised his hand and calmly spoke: "New York will humble you and your attitude." Bakugou sucked his teeth and sat back down. Mineta cried and begged the class to change their mind as they all ignored him and continued to study.

[thedarkrose17]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Final Fantasy XV Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Prompto Argentum/Noctis Lucis Caelum Characters: Prompto Argentum, Noctis Lucis Caelum, Gladiolus Amicitia, Ignis Scientia Additional Tags: Mutual Pining, Eventual Relationships, Accidental Baby Acquisition Summary:

The first thing Prompto wakes up to is concerned voices and someone fussing or whining.

It takes a few moments to sit up, adjust in the tent and glance around. It’s just Ignis, Gladio and a fussing baby. He blinks and looks again. The baby wasn’t here last night. ☆ ☆ ☆ A.k.a The astrals get tired of Prompto and Noctis' pining and decide to try and get them together

Read under the cut or on the link :)

Noctis is almost asleep when he hears a familiar squeak.  He yawns and grabs his phone, unlocking it and checking the text.

‘He's cute (ᗒᗨᗕ)’

“Both of them are.” Noctis mutters back.

Noctis smiles and looks around for the familiar furry face and finds Carbuncle on the floor, legs too tiny to get him on the bed.

The Prince slowly and carefully frees his arm from around Prompto before carefully helping the tiny fennec fox up onto the bed.

He gets an emoji with heart eyes in response and chuckles quietly.

“Not dating.” Noctis mutters, another message coming through his phone.

‘Shame (╥_╥)’

‘Baby's cute though (* >ω<)’

Noctis nods and gently rubs Solis’ back.

“I feel like I'm texting Iris and not a magic messenger.”

‘Rude ( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮’

Noctis makes the most inhuman sound a person can ever make at the reply, Ignis even gives him a weird look for that. Gladio meanwhile tries not to laugh.

Noctis chooses to ignore them and reply to Carbuncle instead.

“What the fuck...You actually flipped me off.” He whispers.

‘(◕‿◕✿)’

“...You're a little shit. You know that.”

Noctis sighs and reaches out to touch him. Carbuncle carefully walks closer and sniffs Solis. Solis doesn't even stir.

‘(T⌓T) He's sick

“He's got a cold.” Noctis replies, sighing. “Hopefully he'll be alright in a few days.”

‘(╯°▽°)╯ ┻━┻ it's not fair!’

“Yep exactly.”

‘He's brave.’

“He is?”

‘He crawled over and pet me. When you first met me as a baby, you wailed.’

Noctis blushes and groans. “He takes after Prompto then, rushing off to pet soft animals.”

Carbuncle gently nuzzles Solis and Noctis gently scratches behind Carbuncle’s ear. He yawns and Carbuncle copies him moments later.

Solis slowly wakes up with a tiny yawn. He sniffles, blinking sleepily before he notices Carbuncle. Solis stares and grabs at the fennec fox with a tiny coo. He sneezes and whines before grabbing onto Carbuncle’s ear.

Noctis stares, mouth open slightly as he does. Solis can see Carbuncle. Just like he can. Honestly he doesn’t know if he should feel stressed by this or relieved.

“...I didn’t actually tell you his name.”

‘Nope!’

“Solis.” he replies and glances at his son. “And that’s Carbuncle….You’ll probably not be able to remember that or pronounce that for a while...So Carby for now...And you probably have no idea what I’m saying.”

Solis whines and clings to Noctis with one hand and Carbuncle’s ear with the other. He lets out an excited shriek before he starts coughing, Noctis carefully rubs his back and gently kisses his head.

‘Fatherhood suits you (* >ω<)’

Noctis smiles softly and glances at Solis.

“He’s a little ray of sunshine.”

‘(ᗒᗨᗕ) So pure.’

“Mmm?” a familiar voice groggily speaks up next to him and Carbuncle disappears much to Solis’ dislike as he whines about it.

Prompto yawns and gently reaches up, stroking Solis’ cheek.

“How’s my little soybean?” he yawns as Noctis huffs.

“No bean names.” he grumbles and Prompto tiredly smirks. “He’s not been awake long. Still has a cold.”

Prompto leans up, planting a kiss on Solis’ cheek. “My poor sunbeam.”

Solis whines and the boys attempt to soothe him.

* * *

A week later thankfully the cold is gone and everyone is relieved. Solis had cried a lot during his cold, it had been stressful and honestly heartbreaking at times to see him so miserable but now he was back to normal.

Noctis has put him in a little grey baby grow with “Ready player 3.” wrote across it, controller at the side, along with little cartoon chocobo face socks. Prompto claimed to have died the moment he saw it, the “I saw a cute thing” voice coming out the moment he saw Solis.

Ignis told them about a festival in Altissia, the chocobo moogle festival he’d heard about and Prompto almost yells about having to go as soon as possible. Solis squeals just happy to contribute to the conversation in his own little way.

Noctis looks like he’s not fully awake yet. He’s yawned about four times now, scratched at his stomach/happy trail which Prompto almost short circuited over and complained about the sun asking if it could turn the brightness down.

Ignis actually chuckled and agreed it would be a nice break for them all. Gladio asks if Iris can tag along and Ignis smiles.

“It would be a delight to have her.” the advisor says and Gladio shoots her a text. He gains a reply moments later of keysmashes and crying emojis. He takes that as a positive response.

“She’ll be here in five.” the shield replies, Noctis catches sight of the text and looks confused.

“You understood that?” he asks with a yawn.

“I’ve seen enough of it from Prompto.” Gladio replies.

“Hey! Check the internet, people do it.” Prompto huffs.

“Some of the lgbt youth online do it Gladio. I don’t actually know why.” Ignis says.

“...Iggy you’re twenty two, I’m twenty three. We’re all “youth.” still.” Gladio says putting an arm around him.

Ignis leans into it and rubs an one of his eyes. “I mean younger than us Gladio.”

“Small, bi and ready to try at your service.” Prompto replies, standing up straight. He’d salute if he wasn’t holding his precious sunbeam.

“Small, gay and ready to decay. It’s 6am, I’m practically a zombie.” Noctis mutters. “Small, ace and wielding a mace can work occasionally  too.”

Gladio snorts and rolls his eyes and Ignis sighs.

“Neither of you are small.” Ignis huffs.

* * *

Iris comes in with her luggage and a smile on her face.

She wore a black short sleeved shirt with red roses on it,some rounded sunglasses over her eyes, black shorts and knee high cat socks with her regular boots.  

The boys are wearing more casual outfits too. Noctis is the only one wearing his chocobo moogle festival outfit since he’s the only one who has one. Gladio meanwhile has decided today is a shirtless kind of day much to the complaints of Prompto, Noctis and Iris.

She asks if she can get a t-shirt from the festival when they get there and Gladio replies with a simple “We’ll see.” He’ll probably get her one.

Ignis during this decides to pull out his phone and check the weather forecast for the day.

The forecast apparently is set to be a nice hot day. Clear skies and warm temperatures until the evening. Perfect day for a trip.

* * *

They’d packed up and checked out by 7, finally reached Galdin by 9 and quickly headed down to the docks, heading up onto the royal vessel.

Iris stared up at the boat, slowly pushing her shades up onto her head. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever been on a boat before, she moves to step on before Prompto yells, causing her to freeze.

“Wait!” Prompto yells, handing Noctis baby Solis and rushing off leaving everyone except Solis confused.

Solis seems more focused on a seagull flying around. He flails in Noctis’ arms until Gladio speaks up.

Iris unfreezes and glances over, pulling her shades back down and heading over to Ignis.

“He’s starin’ at a seagull, I think he wants you to too. Or he has no idea what it is.” Gladio says.

Noctis looks confused until he spots it, and gently bounces on his feet with Solis in his arms.

“It’s a seagull. Smaller than the other bird at the hotel. Way smaller. These just steal food if they can.”

“One tried stealing my ice cream when I was five.” Iris chirps in.

“I saw one steal chips from a store online.’” Gladio adds making Noctis look back at him sceptical.

“It’s surprisingly real.” Ignis chirps in causing Noctis to whistle.

“Wow.”

Solis bleps, getting a little squirmy in Noctis’ arms.

“Should we go hunt for Prom?”

“Relax. Kid’s probably taking a piss.” Gladio mutters.

“Gladdy!” Iris cries.

“Gladiolus!” Ignis huffs.

“...What?”

“Oh shit! He brought out the first name.” Noctis says with a smirk.

“Noctis!” Ignis huffs. “Infant present. I would prefer you both either watch  your language and not be crass or cover his ears.”

“To be honest I think he’s staring at the tourists...Or like five seconds from needing a change.”

Iris glances over. “Nope...He’s definitely staring.”

* * *

Prompto rushes back five minutes later, tripping up over his own feet on the dock. Luckily Gladio grabs his arm and heaves him up before he faceplants. He blushes and thanks Gladio.

The blonde has a very tiny hat, it seems to have a blue band around it filled with doodles of cartoony fish along with a bottle in his pants pocket.

Iris coos at how cute and small the hat is.

“All they had was fish themed hats.” Prompto says, carefully putting the hat on Solis’ head. “There we go~ Protect you a little from the sun...I got him sunscreen but...Um do we have sunscreen for us?”

“We have some stocked on the boat..” Ignis states and lets Noctis lead the way onto the boat but Noctis lets Iris on first before following her on.

“This is gonna be Sol’s first boat ride.” Gladio says and Prompto in front of him gasps.

“...Do people celebrate that? Would it be weird if I celebrated that?”

“You got excited about his first hotel stay.” Gladio adds. “So maybe not?”

“I’m celebrating it then~” Prompto replies planting a kiss on Solis’ hat.

Solis clings to Prompto and attempts to take off a sock. Noctis heads over and carefully stops him, he boops Solis on the nose and Solis grabs for him.

Prompto smiles and carefully hands Solis over to Noctis. Solis makes a happy squeal loud enough for the rest on the boat to hear him. He earns some smiles and awws from Iris and Prompto.

* * *

Noctis hands Solis back to Prompto so he can steer the boat.

Prompto seems happy enough to sit Solis on his lap and hold him close. Solis meanwhile seems fascinated by Prompto’s glove, he stares at it and attempts to grip onto said glove.

Ignis was sat next to Iris, the duo surprisingly drifting off during their journey and Gladio was reading.

Solis gets whiny the longer they stay on the sea and Prompto decides to lie down on the surprisingly comfortable sofas with Solis. The duo yawn and end up napping together.

Gladio throws a blanket over the sofa to shield them from the sun or try to and neither of the pair stir from this, maybe 6am was too early of a start for them.

Gladio hears Noctis yawn from the captain’s seat and heads in.

“Hey princess.”

“Hey.” Noctis blinks tiredly and glances over at him before his eyes return to the sea.

“Tired?” Gladio asks and Noctis nods.

“I was on baby duty last night. Prom’s stomach was acting up so he slept it off.” Noctis yawns and Gladio places his hand on his shoulder. “Alright stop the boat. Someone else is taking over.”

Noctis doesn’t even protest, he brings the boat to a stop and rubs at his eyes. “...Controls are pretty easy.” he mutters as Gladio scoops him up out of the seat and carries him back to the others.

He’s pretty much asleep in Gladio’s arms by the time Gladio realises there’s nowhere for the prince to lie other than the floor.

So for now he gets put there, near Prompto’s little sofa while Gladio decides to take over controlling the boat, he’s swiftly banned from continuing the moment Ignis wakes up.

Noctis after that is placed where Ignis was. He naps the rest of the trip near Iris.

* * *

They splash out for a more expensive room, they’re on the rare occasion allowed to nap due to the long boat trip and the fact they have a few hours until the festival.

Ignis decides instead to leave the room and browse the sights with Gladio and Iris in tow. Prompto is sure Iris only went to give him, Noctis and Solis some alone time.

Noctis sits on the bed, taking off his boots and putting them at the side of the bed before lying down on said bed.

Prompto smiles at the sight and heads over with Solis in his arms. He bites his lip before speaking up.

“Can you take Sol for a sec?”

Noctis sits up and carefully takes Solis from Prompto. Solis whines and Prompto feels guilty so much so he attempts to explain himself to the baby.

“I’ll be back like super quick ok? Just stay with Noct ok?” Prompto says, planting a kiss on Solis’ head. “Be good for daddy ok?”

Noctis blushes a little and gently soothes their son who honestly doesn’t understand any of this. Prompto is going to kill him one day. He’s only making the crush he has on him much worse at this point.

“You forgot to go pi-Pee before we left huh?” Noctis asks earning a whine from his best friend in the process.

“I thought I could hold it! But I’m dying.” he whines at the Prince who snorts a little. “Go on. We’ll be ok.”

Solis looks at Prompto and whines and Prompto looks conflicted as he heads into the bathroom.

Solis wails and Noctis hears a heartbroken cry of “I’m sorry!” practically yelled from the bathroom.

Noctis tries to get Solis’ attention, trying to distract him until Prompto returns.  He hums to him and gently rubs his back and when that fails, he sings which gets Solis’ attention immediately. It’s something from anime but Solis doesn’t know that.

He smiles when Solis calms down and hears the bathroom door open moments later, a flustered blonde quickly coming out.

“Papa’s here buddy don’t wo-” he pauses and looks over at Solis and Noctis, mouth slightly open. “You’re a baby whisperer too huh?” he mutters.

“He likes singing.” Noctis replies, smiling before sitting up. “Can you take him back for a second? I have to pi-”

“Sure!” Prompto interrupts and blushes, apologising before taking Solis back and sitting on the bed with him.  “You think your dad would have had a bathroom on that boat.”

Noctis gets up and agrees, heading over to the bathroom, opening the door but pausing when Prompto speaks again.

“Blue Exorcist.” the blonde mutters.

“Huh?”

“You were singing something from Blue Exorcist to him.”

“...Oh yeah? What one?” Noctis replies with a smirk. No point in denying it.

“Itteki no Eikyou.” Prompto replies, sticking his tongue out. “We're a magical girl and boy anime house only mister.”

Noctis laughs a little and rolls his eyes before heading into the bathroom. “Like you’ve ever watched one.”

“Hey! I’ve watched-”

“Other than Sailor Moon.” Noctis replies from behind the door.

Prompto covers Solis’ ears before Noctis hears him clearly say “Fuck you.” with a snort which makes Noctis laugh.

* * *

Solis wailed again. It was a fairly short cry as Prompto decided to finish the anime song Noctis previously sang to the baby.

The song seemed to calm Solis and Prompto was so focused on soothing Solis with the song he almost missed Noctis come out of the bathroom.

“You finished the song?” Noctis asks, startling Prompto.

“Dude! Warn a guy first.” Prompto gasps and then makes a sound of confirmation to his question.

Noctis heads over and Prompto scoots up before lying down with Solis. Solis seems happy when Noctis lies next to them. He yawns and smiles a toothless smile.

“Hey sunshine.” Noctis mutters to him and he’s rewarded with their baby flailing. To Noctis it looks like an attempt at dancing honestly. It’s weirdly cute.

Prompting laughs quietly and carefully puts Solis between them. The baby sneezes and looks like an Anak in the headlights, prompting Prompto to blow a raspberry at him wondering how he'll react.

Solis jumps and stares up at Prompto looking utterly confused or as confused as a baby could look.

Prompto blows another raspberry at Solis and Solis rewards him with a burp.

“Nice.” Prompto mutters with a snort making Noctis laugh.

* * *

They undress Solis down to his nappy due to the room being a little warm and worrying the baby might overheat. Said baby attempts to crawl off in the process but the duo manage to keep him in one spot.

Then they decide to undress down themselves to just their boxers. They leave a balcony door open for a breeze, too lazy to put air conditioning on before napping together for a few hours, Solis safely in Prompto's arms.

* * *

Prompto awakes to cooing and yawns, carefully sitting up and gently holding Solis close. Solis naps peacefully, Prompto smiles and kisses his head.

Prompto spots Iris and the boys in the room and yawns wide. Iris at that point notices he's awake and rushes over, not phased by him and Noctis being half naked.

“I got you guys something.” she says with a smile and Prompto feels a chill from the breeze. He seems confused before glancing down and panicking, looking back at Iris with a look of embarrassment on his face.

“Y-You did?...Um...Can I just wake him up and we'll um look more...Presentable?” he nervously asks and Iris laughs a little.

“Sure! Do you want me to take Solis?” she asks and Prompto nods, carefully handing the sleeping baby over.

“H-He'll wake up pretty soon. He's due a feed.” Prompto stutters before elbowing Noctis when Iris heads over to Ignis and Gladio. “Dude wake up!” Prompto whisper yells to the Prince.

Noctis doesn't react.

* * *

It takes several attempts but Prompto manages to wake up Noctis and the duo quickly get re dressed.

The duo head over to the kitchen  where Ignis has set out some sandwiches for the group. Prompto smiles and the duo thank him, grabbing a sandwich each before Iris comes over with Solis.

Solis seems fascinated by her hair, attempting to reach while he clings to her shirt with his other hand.

“Hi buddy~” Prompto coos after he takes his first bite.

Noctis wiggles his fingers at Solis who giggles a little, Prompto nearly chokes over it so much Noctis thumps his back.

“T-That almost k-killed me.” Prompto gasps. “Cuteness overload.”

Noctis rolls his eyes and smiles at Solis. “That's Prompto speak for he's ok just being dramatic.” he mutters to Solis with a smirk, he laughs when he hears a dramatic gasp from Prompto.

“How dare you.” he says in his sassy voice, pulling a face and making Solis giggle harder than before, making Prompto and Noctis start laughing too. “Oh em gee, adorbs.” he mutters, Noctis making a noise of agreement around his sandwich as he takes a bite.

“Gladdy?” Iris looks over at her brother who's currently half way through his second sandwich.

“What?” he asks, mouth full to which Ignis sighs at.

“Can you take this little cutie?” she coos at the baby and Gladio carefully takes him.

Solis clings to him as Iris rushes off, quickly returning with a few bags. She thrusts the tiniest one at Prompto.

“It's for Solis but I got ones for you guys too.” she says with a smile. “I hope you like them.”

Prompto quickly finishes his sandwich and fishes in the little bag. He's weirdly excited as he carefully pulls out a tiny Moogle onesie.

His eyes light up as he looks at it. There's a little hood, with a tiny pom-pom antenna and little purple wings. It's adorable and he can't wait to put Solis in it.

Noctis stares, zoning out trying to imagine the baby in his little onesie. Maybe they can put him in it later, he’ll probably gain a new home screen on his mobile from it.

“Wait...We have ones too?” Noctis asks moments later.

Iris nods and grins, pulling one out identical to Solis’ but adult sized.  Prompto gasps and looks over at Noctis.

“Dude we have to.” he mutters and Noctis can't bring himself to say no.

“Later. After the festival.”  Noctis mutters. “Just no pictures of me.”

Prompto pouts but agrees as he holds his onesie. He smiles at Iris and gives her a hug or a side hug.

“Send me pics later of them.” she whispers to Prompto.

“Will do.” he whispers back.

* * *

They all head out later for the festival, Noctis carrying Solis while Prompto has the nappy bag across his shoulder along with his camera in hand.

The group part ways. Ignis heading off with Gladio and Iris. The duo seemed rather content to be around each other and Iris seemed happy enough to be around that even if her brother had his arm around the chef’s waist.

Prompto meanwhile walked around with Noctis and Solis, practically beaming when someone commented on how cute their son was. Noctis being Noctis had no idea how to respond to such so he awkwardly thanked people and agreed with them.

Solis just sat in the baby carrier on his dad's chest and was plain adorable. The usual honestly. Until they had to take a detour and go hunt for a bathroom to change him. He was grumpy at that time and rightfully so.

The trio after that continued to roam around the festival, Noctis explaining what happened last time he came and watching Prompto's eyes light up. He didn't miss the slightly betrayed look Prompto gave him when chocobo chicks was brought up.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that which only lasted for a few moments before Prompto spoke up again.

“...Do you think Gladio and Iggy seemed glad to like abandon us?” he asks and Noctis sighs before nodding.

“Gladio put his arm around Iggy, Prom.” Noctis replied. “So yeah.”

“Oh em gee! I thought I was seeing things!” Prompto gasps.

“Nope. Totally had his arm around him.” Noctis replies popping the p.  He smirks a little.

“...You think they're…”

“Dating?” Noctis asks and Prompto nods. “They've been close for years. Wouldn't surprise me.”

Prompto grins and pulls out his phone. “I'm totally asking them...What if they're married?”

“Prom, neither have rings.”

“Maybe they're allergic.”

“I think we'd know if they was.” Noctis adds.

Prompto gestures to the baby and his ears, Noctis catching on quickly and covering Solis’ ears much to the baby's dislike.

“...Suddenly all the fuck eyes make sense.” Prompto mutters and Noctis wheezes.

“...What?”  he asks trying not to laugh.

“I'd see them like giving each other bedroom eyes sometimes. Usually when they thought we was asleep or like busy. At first I thought it was just a weird staring contest”

“Gods if they've been keeping a relationship a secret from me I'll be pissed.” Noctis replies. “Like it's not a big deal but I figure they'd like tell us.”

Prompto pouts and agree.

“Anyway let's enjoy the festival.” Noctis says  leading the way. Prompto nods and follows him.

* * *

The trio explore, wandering around as Prompto takes pictures of the sights.

They walk around for a while before Prompto carefully pulls Noctis to a stop, bouncing on his feet a little as he does.

“Hey...I gotta go…” he mutters and Noctis gestures to a nearby bathroom with his head.

“There's one over there Prom.”

Prompto sighs with relief and rushes off.

“Bee are bee!” Prompto yells as he practically sprints off.

Noctis watches him with a smile before looking down at Solis.

“That's your father right there. He's a nerd but I love him..He's my nerd.” Noctis mutters to his baby son. “..Least you can't tell him I said that.”

Solis sneezes and whines, Noctis mutters comfort to him before the duo fall silent as the wait for Prompto. Solis flails on occasion which Noctis finds cute honestly.

He zones out, focusing on the baby. He smiles and gently runs a hand through feathery blonde baby hair. He's so out of it, he misses the mascot coming closer.

He hears a familiar caw and tenses up, eyes widening in fear. Noctis glances up his fears confirmed when he sees Kenny Crow.  He freezes honestly, breaking out in a cold sweat.

“Don't come closer. Don't come closer.” Noctis mutters to himself.

Solis wiggles in the baby carrier on Noctis’ chest. He grumbles and frowns. Noctis can't comfort him, too frozen as he stares at Kenny Crow.

Solis continues to frown and wiggle and Noctis comes to realise this is how Solis expresses anger. Wiggles.  Anger wiggles he calls it in his mind.

The baby continues his anger wiggles which in turn makes Kenny come over not realising what the wiggles mean. Noctis feels sick honestly.

The mascot attempts to talk to the terrified Prince and the baby, unaware he's the source of the Prince's fear.

“Noct?”  a familiar friendly voice speaks up before the person heads over. Prompto. He looks at Noctis, noticing how terrified he looks.

He notices Kenny and it all makes sense.  He also notices that Solis has stopped wiggling but he's managed to notice Kenny. The baby stares looking terrified before he wails loudly and Prompto realises at that point he has to be the knight in shining armour.

He apologises to Kenny Crow and quickly takes Noctis and Solis says far away from the mascot. Far enough for the duo to relax and calm down.

He carefully leads them to a table outside of a food joint and sighs.

“I'm sorry.” Prompto says.

“Why? You got us away from that daemon.” Noctis mutters. “I should be thanking you.”

Prompto smiles softly offering a hand to Noctis to hold. “Don't thank me. My boys was scared, I was just taking you both out of that.”

Noctis grabs his hand and squeezes it. “Can we sit here for a few seconds?”

Prompto nods and looks at Solis.

“It sucks he got scared.”

“Fear is a normal response to Kenny.” Noctis mutters and Prompto smirks.

“I like him.”

“You like birds.” Noctis replies.  “That's why.”

Prompto smiles and sighs.

“I just don't find him scary.” Prompto says, rubbing his thumb against Noctis’ hand. “I'll protect you both from him. Don't worry.”

Noctis smiles softly.

“Thanks.”

* * *

Noctis bottle feeds Solis while they sit there, Solis suckles greedily which prompts Prompto to speak up.

“Dude he'll get gas if you let him suckle so quick. He'll be uncomfortable.”

Noctis repositions Solis and adjusts the bottle, Solis suckles slower much to Noctis and Prompto’s relief.

“There's a Chocobo mascot wandering around. I think you'll like it if you're fine with dancing a Chocobo dance in front of people.”

Prompto blushes but looks excited. Noctis can see a spark in his eyes.

“We'll go find them after I burp him.” Noctis adds, laughing to himself as Prompto does his adorable little victory tune.

* * *

It takes longer than expected to burp Solis. Noctis wonders if the baby is dragging the waiting around process out or if said baby is having a difficult time.

Unfortunately Solis throws up a little during the process. Noctis’ face draining of colour the moment he gets baby vomit on his sleeve.

“Prom..We have an issue here.” Noctis speaks up and Prompto quickly rummages in the nappy bag, pulling out baby wipes.

He winces and opens the pack, carefully heading over and wiping Noctis’ sleeve and Solis’ mouth with wet wipes.

“He’s not sick right?” Prompto asks and Noctis shakes his head.

“He’s not fussing...Still want to see that mascot?”

Prompto practically beams and nods, rushing off the moment Noctis stands. The royal smiles as he watches him and then glances down at Solis who flails excitedly.

“He makes it hard not to get excited huh?” he mutters to his son who squeals in response. Noctis laughs and follows the direction Prompto went.

* * *

They catch up fairly quickly, Prompto having decided to wait for them and the small family head down to the Chocobo mascot.

Prompto beams when said mascot notices them, he beams a little more when the Chocobo mascot waves at them.

Prompto gets called over to do the dance and honestly Noctis has never seen someone so excited.

Solis flails a little as he stares at the sight, he seems fascinated, he squeals and giggles when the dance starts and gets more vocal than he has been before when Prompto copies the dance.

Noctis likes to think that this is a baby version of cheering Prompto on that or Solis is just making noises because he doesn’t know how to deal with emotions. He snaps a few photos off Prompto’s camera, Solis attempting to grab the camera from his little baby carrier.

The mascot hugs Prompto who returns it eagerly and the trio are on their way waving the mascot bye. Or Prompto is, Noctis just says bye awkwardly and prays the mascot wasn’t the same person from his visit previously.

Up next they head to the chocobo races. Noctis deciding his knight in shining armour deserves another treat.

“You sure you don’t want a go?” Prompto asks.

“Nah I’ll stay on baby duty.” Noctis replies. Plus his back is aching a little and last thing he wants is to annoy it further.

Prompto asks if he’s sure it’s ok he just goes and Noctis nods.

“Just go have fun.” he says with a smile , glancing down at Solis who’s looking at one of the nearby Chocobos. He’s not completely sure of the adult ones yet.

Noctis strokes his soft blonde baby hair and smiles making his way over to the course to cheer on Prompto as he’s lead away to pick a Chocobo.

* * *

Prompto had sped through the course in lightning time. Noctis is sure he beat his score from the last time but all that is forgotten the moment he sees Prompto’s bright smile.

Prompto coos over the race Chocobo, giving her a scritch and little cuddle before bidding her goodbye as he hands her back to her owner.

“How was it?” Noctis asks, already knowing the answer.

“Amazing! Noct she’s two and her name is Butterscotch and I would die for her.” the gunner cries.

“Don’t die, I need you for this parenting deal.”

Prompto blushes and smiles.

“No plan to.” he says, biting his lip. “Now let’s go to the prize counter!”

* * *

They get back into their hotel room at seven pm. The baby carrier is quickly removed from Noctis’ chest the moment Solis is out of it with a sigh of relief.

Solis is placed into a cot before Prompto and Noctis begin to undress.  Prompto without hesitation slips into the moogle onesie Iris got him.

“Aah~ Dude it’s so soft and warm~” he gasps and that’s enough to make Noctis change into his.

Prompto grins and grabs his phone, flicking on his camera app.

“Say Kupo!” he says with a grin, he puts an arm around Noct and the prince reluctantly says it as Prompto takes the photo, then sends the selfie to Iris.

After that they quickly change Solis before dressing him in his moogle onesie too. The duo freeze for a second before Prompto takes many photos, some going to Iris.

“Hey can you send one to me? I want one as my lockscreen.” Noctis asks.

Prompto smiles and quickly sends a couple for him to choose from.

* * *

They end up ordering room service. Ignis will kill them when he finds out they’re sure but for now it’s a good idea to have ice cream and catch a film on the hotel room’s tv.

Prompto snuggles up to Noctis’ side and Noctis puts an arm around him to get a little more comfortable. He tells himself it’s fine and Prompto looks comfortable and content at his side so he shouldn’t worry.

Prompto’s texting on the advert break. He’s texting Iris and gushing over the baby with her, among other things.

“She’s calling us old for being in bed at seven.” Prompto mutters.

“Tell her we’re only five years older than her.”

Prompto texts back and stretches against Noctis.

“Should I ask about Gladnis?”

“Glad...Nis?” Noctis asks, confused.

“Yeah...Like a couple name. People combine names together.”  Prompto replies.

“Oh that explains some stuff...Yeah ask.”

Prompto grins and texts back, gasping moments later.

“...What? What is it?” Noctis asks.

“...They’ve been dating since they was in high school.”

“What the fuck...How did I not know?”

“Iris says we’re just oblivious.”

Noctis huffs and carefully gets up, Prompto whines and reaches out for him.

“Noo you were comfy.” he huffs before pouting.

Noctis rolls his eyes and smiles.

“I’ll forgot something. I'll be back.” he says heading over to Solis’ cot. Said baby is wiggling around with a frown. “He’s angry.”

“How do you know?” Prompto asks.

“He wiggles and frowns.” Noctis says reaching over to open a drawer on the nightstand.

Prompto gasps and quickly heads over, he laughs a little at the sight and gently strokes Solis’ cheek.

“Dude...This is adorable.” he mutters. “Gods...Noct he’s too cute.”

Noctis smiles and agrees, pulling out the little Carbuncle statue from the drawer and placing it in Solis’ cot.

“Don’t be too grumpy for Carbuncle ok? He’ll let me know how you were.” Noctis mutters and plants a kiss on Solis’ head.

“Yeah be nice to….Carbuncle???? Why haven’t I seen him?” Prompto mutters, planting a kiss on Solis’ head. The kisses seemed to have quelled the baby’s anger who currently is staring at the statue.

“He’s only appeared to me and Solis. I don’t know why he likes making me look crazy by showing up on photos and not letting others see him.”

“Do they like each other?” Prompto asks.

Noctis nods and smiles. “He made it clear he thinks Sol is cute.”

Prompto beams and looks down at Solis. He holds onto the cot looking at their son, who’s staring up at him sleepily.

“Sleep. You’ll be sleepy and cranky if you don’t.” Prompto mutters.

“Also Carby’s waiting for you.” Noctis adds. Solis coos and yawns, Noctis strokes his cheek. “Yeah he’s waiting.”

Solis drifts off soon after, Prompto and Noctis heading back to curl up on the bed and watch their film. They return to their snuggling position and quietly talk to each other once it ends and a new one starts.

They might end up having a film marathon for hours. It extends past when Gladio, Ignis and Iris return at ten and even well past when the trio call it a night.

The boys are sleepy come the fifth or sixth film. They’ve lost count how many have played. They’re honestly blending together at this point plus they’re kind of stuffed due to the fact they ordered a large pizza and shared it together.

Prompto at this point is sluggishly pressed against Noctis and the royal is on his back, occasionally rubbing his stomach just as sluggish.

Prompto blinks slowly. He yawns and grunts. He wonders if the pizza was too much. Prompto hears a yawn right next to him and decides at that point film night is probably drawing to a close.

Neither have the time to turn the TV off. They just attempt to get comfortable and snuggle more against each other. Prompto’s almost asleep when he feels a kiss against his head. He drifts off with a smile on his face.