#‘you’re going to have the most amazing daughter’ or something equally insane

[hanzajesthanza]

i’m excited for the prequel but i also have this nauseating feeling about reading geralt as a young man…

because it will make him feel more real and give him a life “before” everything. which will recontextualize “everything we know about him” into “everything that happens to him in the years leading up to his death” …

but it also makes me kind of happy because we know all of this love happened to him, even when he felt inferior and probably would not believe it…

like my guy. you are going to have the best friends and the best family… i know everyone seems to keep hating you and betraying you and kicking you and punching you and cursing at you and throwing rocks at you and spitting at you and muttering amongst themselves how much they fear you and screaming at you when you walk down the street but you are gonna be soooo beloved, trust me on this, it’s only twenty more years of being punched and kicked and slapped and sworn at and hated on and oh you also get kicked by a horse too and your knee also is fucked up and you also lose everything including your sword and several pints of blood but

[chelseamount]

Carpool Karaoke - Tom Holland x Reader

BEFORE YOU READ IMPORTANT 

when there are songs

cursive is you

BOLD is James

and This  is both of you

this story was requested by @tomsirishgirlx​ 

---

"Thank you so much for helping me to work today the traffic is crazy" James

"yeah no problem," I say

"you wanna listen to some music?"

"let's do it"

"Are we gonna have a problem?

You got a bone to pick?

You've come so far why now are you pulling on my dick?

I'd normally slap your face off And everyone here could watch But I'm feeling nice Here's some advice Listen up beeyotch"

"I like"

Lookin' hot

Buying stuff They can not

"I like"

"Drinking hard Maxing dad's credit card"

I like

Skippin' gym Scarin' her Screwin' him

I like

Killer clothes

Kickin' nerds in the nose

If you lack the balls You can go play dolls Let your mommy fix you a snack(whoa)Or you could come smoke Pound some rum and coke In my Porsche with the quarterback (whoa, whoa, whoa)

Honey, what you waitin' for? Welcome to my candy store Time for you to prove you're not a loser Anymore And step into my candy store

Guys fall At your feet Pay the check Help you cheat

All you Have to do

Say goodbye

To Shamu

That freak's Not your friend I can tell In the endIf she Had your shot

She would leave You to rot

Course if you don't care Fine, go braid her hair Maybe Sesame Street is on(whoa)

Or forget that creep And get in my jeep

Let's go tear up Someone's lawn (whoa, whoa, whoa)

Honey, what you waitin' for? Welcome to my candy store You just gotta prove You're not a pussy Anymore And step into my candy store

You can join the team

Or you can bitch and moan

You can live the dream

Or you can die alone

You can fly with eagles

Or if you prefer

Keep on testing me

And end up like her

Honey, what you waitin' for?

Shut up, Heather! Step into my candy store

Time for you to prove You're not a lame-ass Anymore And step into my candy store

It's my candy store It's my candy It's my candy store It's my candy It's my candy store It's my candy store

"I think I just got chills there," James says as we laugh "so Y/n it's so great to have you here"

"it's so great to be here it's like a dream come true" I smile

"y/n you are a Broadway singer and actress"

(all of these musicals and movies don't really make sense with the years they were made in but just imagine that they fit the age the reader is if that makes sense"

"yes that's correct"

"so what was your first role like ever"

"ever was Jan in grease"

"really" James looks at me

"yeah I was so happy"

"that's amazing and you were how old"

"fourteen"

"wow and what was your first broadway musical"

"that was heathers as the role of heather chandler as we just heard"

"I love the heathers songs and you are still in contact with some of your co-workers right"

"right I am really close with Barret who played Veronica but we don't get to see each other too much but when we do it's amazing"

"but you two played in mean girls too right"

"right I played Regina George and she played Janis, and that was probably one of my favourite musicals I have been in because obviously mean girls was like my favourite movie when i was younger"

"yeah so what was your favourite song from mean girls"

"oh totally world burn I think it's amazing"

"My name is Regina George And I am a massive deal I will grind you to sand Beneath my Louboutin heel This is what I get for helping Helping someone lame fit in Cady Heron, enjoy your temporary win" I sing "My name is Regina George "Regina is a fugly cow." Hey Cady, how ya like me now? I wanna watch the world burn I got the gasoline I wanna watch the world burn And everyone get mean I wanna watch the world burn I got the gasoline I wanna watch the world burn And everyone get mean Cady, time to watch your back Cady, time to turn and cough Because you took me down But you didn't finish me off My name is Regina George And in case you're keeping score Cady may have won the battle But I will win the war, for I wanna watch the world burn Trang Pak is a grotsky bi-otch! I got the gasoline Ms Norbury is a drug pusher! I wanna make the world burn Janis is a space dyke! Regina is a fugly cow Regina is a fugly cow And you can quote this Ohh. Woah-oh-oh! Who wrote this? Who wrote this? Who wrote this? I wanna watch the world burn I got the gasoline! I wanna watch the world burn And everyone turn Mean So mean! Mean So mean! Mean! I wanna watch the world burn Who wrote this? Who wrote this? I wanna make the world turn So mean! I wanna watch the world burn!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"y/n you were in les misérables too"

"yes I played fantine which was amazing but it hit hard you know it was very much touching

There was a time when men were kind When their voices were soft And their words inviting There was a time when love was blind And the world was a song And the song was exciting There was a time

Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in times gone by When hope was high and a life worth living I dreamed, that love would never die I dreamed that Go

d would be forgiving Then I was young and unafraid And dreams were made and used and wasted There was no ransom to be paid No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night With their voices soft as thunder As they tear your hope apart As they turn your dream to shame He slept a summer by my side He filled my days with endless wonder He took my childhood in his stride But he was gone when autumn came And still, I dream he'll come to me That we will live the years together But there are dreams that cannot be And there are storms we cannot weather I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"that literally just made me get tears in my eyes," James says as he points to his eyes

we laugh and talk for some time when the thing I have dreaded the most comes up

"so y/n I have to ask you this because everyone wants to know encluding me"

"oh no gosh I know what it is already"

"are you dating tom holland"

"oh god Tom and I are just good friends"

"really because your two have been spotted a lot of times holding hands"

"friends do that"

"sure"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Regina George is the queen bee

She's always dressed up She always wins Spring Fling Queen We're just drones that work for her And then die"James says as he turns on the radio

"My name is Regina George

And I am a massive deal Fear me, love me Stand and stare at me And these, these are real I've got money and looks I am, like, drunk with power This whole school Humps my leg like a chihuahua the prettiest poison you've ever seen I never weigh more than one-fifteen My name is Regina George And I am a massive deal I don't care who you are I don't care how you feel"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"so y/n, let's get a little serious"

"yes" I say

"in this song, you sing 'i never weigh more than 115' but you said something in a video that Regina doesn't have to be that and that you aren't and i found that amazing"

"thank you I really don't think that she has to be that and I am not and will never be near that and I'm proud of that you should be proud of how you look"

"I love that. you're also in a musical right now hamilton"

"yes I am in England"

"so any plans for what you are going to do after hamilton"

"yes but it's a secret for now

"Okay but you play one of the Schuyler sisters"

"yes I play Eliza"

"and you're amazing in it I saw it some time ago and I love it as I wrote to you"

"it still warms my heart"

"but my biggest dream is being in hamilton but as one of the Schuyler sisters"

"mmm-hmm" I laugh

"I wanna be angelica"

"you can be James"

There's nothing rich folks love more Than going downtown and slumming it with the poor They pull up in their carriages and gawk at the students in the common Just to watch 'em talk

Take Philip Schuyler, the man is loaded Uh oh, but little does he know that His daughters, Peggy, Angelica, Eliza Sneak into the city just to watch all the guys at

Work, work

Angelica!

Work, work

Eliza!

And Peggy!

Work, work

The Schuyler sisters

Angelica!

Peggy!

Eliza!

Work!

Daddy said to be home by sundown

Daddy doesn't need to know

Daddy said not to go downtown

Like I said, you're free to go

But—look around, look around The revolution's happening in New York

New York

Angelica

Work!

It's bad enough Daddy wants to go to war

People shouting in the square

It's bad enough there'll be violence on our shore

New ideas in the air

Look around, look around

Angelica, remind me what we're looking for

She's looking for me!

Eliza, I'm looking for a mind at work (work, work) I'm looking for a mind at work (work, work) [x2] Woa-oah

Woa-oah

Work!

Ooh, there's nothing like summer in the city Someone in a rush next to someone lookin' pretty Excuse me, miss, I know it's not funny But your perfume smells like your daddy's got money Why you slummin' in the city in your fancy heels? You searchin' for an urchin who can give you ideals?

Burr, you disgust me

Ahh, so you've discussed me I'm a trust fund, baby, you can trust me

I've been reading Common Sense by Thomas Paine So men say that I'm intense or I'm insane You want a revolution? I want a revelation So listen to my declaration:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident That all men are created equal"

And when I meet Thomas Jefferson (unh!) I'mma compel him to include women in the sequel

Work!

Look around, look around at how Lucky we are to be alive right now Look around, look around at how Lucky we are to be alive right now

History is happening in Manhattan and we

Just happen to be in the greatest city in the world In the greatest city in the world!

---------------------------------

"All my dreams just came true," James says as I laugh at his comment "okay now time for something a little different"

"oh gosh," I say "what is it"

"we're going to take a lie detector test"

"nooo"

after some time I'm all strapped up while a man is on a computer checking whether I speak the truth or not

"okay let's start out by some to test if it works"

"okay"

"is your name Y/n"

"yes"

"true"

"are you currently in hamilton"

"yes"

"true"

"did you play Regina George"

"yes"

"she's telling the truth"

"Great let's start easy so...Y/n"

"yes"

"Which one of your castmates is your favourite"

"Barrett"

"true"

"great, y/n am I your favourite host"

"oh absolutely"

"true"

"yes you had to get that right, okay this one is the best one are you dating tom holland"

shit

"no"

"lie"

"YES I KNEW IT I KNEW IT OMG YES" he smiles

"no that's the truth," I say

"you can't lie on accident"

"well fuck me then"

"how long"

"not long"

"lie"

"okay five years almost"

"WHAT," James says in shock

"I'm sorry we just didn't want our relationship the get ruined by hate"

"five years"

"yeah"

"When were you going to tell everyone when you had seven kids"

"haha no I don't know when but I guess it's out now"

"well some people are going to get heartbroken, someone gets hurt"

-----------------------------

Ice queen, that's what you see It's what they all expect from me But it's all show Face it, you used me You saw the sexy clothes My supermodel pose But did you know?Was I a game to you? Was I way to be cool? I truly cared Was I the fool? It's fine for you It's fine to flirt It's fine 'Till someone gets hurt 'Till someone gets hurt

----------------------------------

"Y/n it was amazing to have you here"

"it was amazing to be here James, even tho I now have to go home to Tom and tell him the news, gosh this is so fucked"

"wait you guys live together too"

"bye James" I run out the door

--------------------------------

"Baby I'm home" I smile

"hi love," Tom says as he walks over to me and kisses me, gosh I missed him

"I missed you," I say

"I missed you"

"you love me right"

"more than anything my - wait what did you do"

"well"

[wonderlandleighleigh]

A follow-up to this.

“General. It’s an honor to meet you.” 

It all hits Anakin at once: how much Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan looks like Padme, and how her presence in the Force sings out to him. 

He nods, doing his best to settle himself. “And you, Princess. I’ve heard you’ve done great work for the Rebellion.” 

Leia smiles, pleased to have been heard of. “Thank you. We were all so surprised to hear your message. But relieved that another Jedi Knight had survived.” 

Anakin chuckles softly as another presence filters through the Force, like a door being kicked down.

Ahsoka Tano is staring at his back.

“There’s more of us than you think.” He turns around and grins at his former Padawan sadly. 

She looks sad, too. Eighteen years older than she was, like he is. 

She stumbles over her words. “I...I thought…” 

“It’s a long story, Snips,” Anakin tells her. “For now...it’s just good to see you again.” 

He’s fully prepared when she bum rushes him, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. 

Anakin hugs her back, patting her shoulder gently. “I think I’ve missed a lot,” he tells her. 

“You have no idea,” Ahsoka tells him. She pulls back and looks him over, frowning a little as she glances at the weapon attached to his belt. “That’s not your lightsaber.” 

He grins sadly. “I haven’t been the man who made that lightsaber in a long time,” he says softly, before pulling his new one out and igniting it, the white blade glowing. 

Ahsoka stares, eyes wide, before she pulls her own duo of lightsabers out, igniting them to show off her own white blades - twins of his own. 

They stare at each other for a long moment, before they both crack into a sad laugh.

***** 

Princess Leia Organa won’t stop following him around while he’s helping out around the base. 

He keeps attempting to shake her; he’s not ready to tell her the truth, and she’s not ready to hear it, but if she keeps following him like a Naboo duckling imprinting on its mother, he’s going to wind up telling her. 

It’s overwhelming to be so close to the daughter he never knew, and when he sees Obi-Wan again, he’s going to punch the man so hard for not telling him that Padme had given birth to twins.

“My father says you knew my mother,” Leia says. “My real mother.” 

Anakin looks up from the Star Destroyer plans he’s been studying, eyes distant. 

Warm smile.

 Soft voice. 

Deep brown eyes. 

Long, dark hair he couldn’t keep his hands from running through. 

“I did know her,” Anakin nods, keeping his voice neutral. “She was a senator. We worked together before the Republic fell.” 

Leia lights up, undeterred. “What was she like?” 

The most beautiful, most determined, most compassionate, most loving woman in the galaxy who could bring me to my knees with very little effort. 

“Remarkable,” he tells her simply. “A remarkable woman.” Anakin offers the girl a kind smile. “One who would be proud of you.” 

Leia beams, looking even more like Padme. “Did you know my father as well?” 

Anakin stares at her, and he thinks maybe it’s time. Maybe she should know the truth. 

But he can’t quite bring himself to admit it to her. Not yet. 

“I didn’t,” he lies. “Senator Amidala kept her personal life to herself.” 

Leia’s face falls a little, but she recovers. “Of course.” 

It physically hurts him to feel her disappointment, in a way that Anakin isn’t used to, so he goes on. “But she was thrilled to become a mother. She talked all the time of...cribs and diapers…” 

Leia smiles again. “It must have all been very mundane to a Jedi Knight,” she comments. 

It was everything I ever wanted. 

“Well, it wasn’t exactly my forte,” Anakin lies again, doing his best to remain calm. “But it was nice to see her so excited.” 

Leia smiles again and nods, before finally wandering off. 

He watches her go, tapping the fingers of his mech hand on the table he’s standing over. 

“Man, you’re dumb,” Ahsoka tells him. 

“Snips-” 

“Tell her.” 

“In time.” 

“Tell her.” 

“When I’m ready.” 

***** 

So much happens. 

He feels Obi-Wan’s death through the Force and it rocks him to his very core. 

“Master…” 

Ahsoka feels it too, and she holds onto his shoulders tightly as they feel Obi-Wan Kenobi become one with the Force. 

“Vader will pay for that,” Anakin vows once he gets a hold of himself. 

An old, junky-looking smuggling ship lands on Yavin not long after, and its passengers disembark and get to work. 

Leia is back, and Anakin fights the urge to go to her, because with her is…

“Luke,” Anakin says softly. 

Ahsoka looks, too. “Oh god. It’s another you. But way shorter.” 

Anakin can’t help a watery laugh. 

“You have the same last name, you know,” she points out. “And everybody knows who you are. You won’t be able to dodge this one, Master.” 

He nods and gazes at Luke, drinking him in. His determined face, and shaggy blonde hair. His bright, bright presence in the Force. 

When Luke turns and spots him, he fights the urge to run, staying still as they lock eyes. 

Padme’s children, both of them right next to each other. 

His children. 

He swallows and gives Luke a half-hearted wave. 

It’s Luke who crosses the distance between them. 

It’s Luke who gets close enough to really look him in the eyes. 

It’s Luke who smiles widely. “Owen and Beru told me you were a navigator on a spice freighter.” 

Anakin can’t help wrinkling his nose distastefully. “They told you I sold drugs?” 

“In all fairness, they were trying to keep me from following in your footsteps,” Luke says, grinning sadly. 

“...I suppose it’s hard to blame them for that,” Anakin shrugs. “I’m a terrible role model.” 

“You’re kidding, right?” Luke asks, boggling. “You were one of the most successful Generals of the Clone Wars, a Jedi Knight, the best starpilot in the galaxy - you’re amazing!” 

Anakin blows out a breath and a chuckle. “I can feel several members of the fallen Jedi High Council rolling in their graves,” he tells his son jokingly.

“You’re my father,” Luke says. 

Anakin nods. “I...I am.” 

Leia steps up then, crossing her arms. “I didn’t know you had children.” 

Anakin gazes at the both of them, unable to hold back his joy at seeing them side-by-side, feeling tears threaten to spill over. 

“No one was ever supposed to know,” Anakin explains gently. “Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments. Back in the days of the Order, having children was likely to get you expelled.” 

“That’s insane!” Luke boggles. “Jedi are supposed to show compassion! Jedi are supposed to love! How can you love without attachment?” 

“Not easily,” Anakin answers. “And Padme made it impossible for me.” 

Leia’s eyes widen. “Padme-” 

Anakin grins sheepishly at her. “Hello, Daughter.” 

Luke’s wild stare turns from his father to his newly-discovered sister. “Daughter?!” 

Leia takes a breath, clearly incensed, before she reels a fist back and punches him hard in the arm.

“Ow!” Anakin yelps, unprepared, and equally unprepared for the girl to then hug him tightly. 

Luke stares at them, gobsmacked. 

***** 

As the Death Star blows up, and Anakin reaches out from Yavin, feeling his son’s exhilarated presence through the Force, he feels something else. 

And he grins. 

Because he feels Vader.

And Vader is afraid. 

“That’s right, impostor,” Anakin smirks to himself. “The boogieman is coming to get you.” 

[moeruhoshi]

Unfinished and unedited draft comin at ya

A young Lucy sighed a wonderfully bewitched sign as the old woman who was reading to the crowd at the children's library closed the leather-bound book and finished the story that many were a fan of.

E.N.D Pan...she loved this story, so much so that Spetto went out to buy her the same edition with its faux weathered pages and watercolor painted images.

The boy with pink hair...a dragon who could fly between worlds...why, he was just the most amazing boy on and off Edolas. While other girls may have been interested in gallant princes and stately weddings, Lucy was enthralled with the mystical and magical.

Most of her fantasies stemmed from the stories her mother told her often, just before she fell asleep. She remembered them dearly whenever she looked to the stars from the perch on her balcony.

The twelve zodiac...Layla spoke of them as if they were her old friends and taught Lucy just as well. Even though they never answered, Lucy still made sure to talk with them every night before bed. It made her feel like she had close friends, and it was a way to stay connected with her late mother.

The story of E.N.D Pan was one that filled her with pleasant hope. Her home was dark and cold and devoid of love, his story taking her thoughts away from it even if only for a moment.

It began with the Strauss children, three orphans who lived in Edolas too. But they were cast out of their village after it was discovered that they carried magic in their bodies, which was outright impossible. Magic in Edolas only resided in crystals collected and inserted into objects to create magical items.

They were marked as demons and would have been beaten in the streets if the townspeople weren't so afraid of them. Lisanna wished quietly one night after Elfman came home covered in squashed tomatoes. She wished for someone to save them, someone to take them away from this god-awful place.

And suddenly, there he was with his flying companion, Happy.

"Second star to the right and straight on 'til ya see Fiore!"

Fiore...a country twice as large as Edolas, connected to countries even bigger than the last.

At the heart of the town, Magnolia, was where the mage guild, Fairy Tail, resided.

They took in the Strauss family as if they were their own. The whole darn world was full of magical people just like them!

There was Gray, runaway prince from the Kingdom of Iceberg who had the power to make anything out of ice. Juvia, the mermaid; she was incredibly powerful and head-over-heels in love with Gray. Erza, daughter of the famed pirate Belserion. She left the pirate life behind after having a run-in with Natsu and Gray when they were younger and was changed for the better.

It was safe to say that Lucy had found her first love, that most nights she went to bed wishing and dreaming about Natsu stealing her away in a similar fashion.

Jude didn't approve of these thoughts or liked hearing his daughter go on and on to Spetto with her dreams and wishes. Insane was a suitable word; his daughter was insane and undoubtedly full of things his late wife filled her head with. How was he going to look to his business partners and colleagues who all had refined children while his jumped off the fake plank of a pirate ship? He would have none of it.

One day, when Lucy came home from the park, all the books in her room were gone, no toys in her chest, only a stack of notebooks left on her desk.

"W-Wha..." She felt tears at the corners of her eyes as she ran to her nightstand, even the book Spetto read to her every night was stolen.

"I've hired multiple tutors for you to begin gaining a proper education from," Jude cleared his throat as he stood in Lucy's bedroom doorway.

"B-But, papa..."

"It's in your best interest to forget about those fairy tales you insist on reading. You're a Heartfilia, it's time you start acting like one."

As she grew up, Lucy moved farther and farther away from the faux world of Earthland as she was pulled into the endless whirlwind of lessons, high teas, and etiquette courses. She barely ever received a moment's rest, thankfully still able to take the time to speak to the stars before bed.

"Oh, Loke..." The now eighteen-year-old sighed, holding her arms close to herself as the cold nipped at her skin. The Leo constellation was in full view overhead that night, his nickname given to him by her late mother.

"Today was the worst, I never do like having tea with Hughes and Sugar Boy...they're not at all interesting. And they spend half our tea time staring down my chest. What I wouldn't give to punch them out...at least this wasn't the worst birthday I've had. Thank you for visiting me, I think I'll be able to sleep much better knowing that you're watching over me. Goodnight,"

Lucy turned around with a sigh as she decided to leave her balcony and get ready for bed, gasping slightly at the sight of a gift left upon her sheets. A card was placed on the large red ribbon, her name detailed in glittered writing.

'I hope this is still your favorite!’

There was no name left oat the bottom, but she assumed it was Spetto who would have made sure she received something.

Branded into the familiar leather was the title, E.N.D Pan. She eagerly flipped open the book to see her young and scrawled out handwriting, her name plastered to the first page in purple crayon.

"I'd almost forgotten you," Lucy smiled softly as her fingers brushed around the curve of Natsu's cheek, his broad smile painted in soft watercolors. "Maybe that's why I don't have much fun with anyone around here, no one is as energetic as you are,”

Lucy fell asleep with the book open on her chest, having reread the text over and over until her eyes fluttered closed by the force of her tired body. Her dreams hadn't been very memorable until that night, her heart reheated by the fictional flames bursting forth from Natsu's tanned fists. His lips moved, but she failed to imagine his voice. She grinned when he grinned, the desire to be held by him bobbling in her chest again. She never loved anyone like the way she loved Natsu, even if it wasn't real. While other girls had their prince, she had her dragon.

Her curtains rustled in the wind, balcony doors unlocked and wide open. A shadow slid across the wall, wooden flooring creaking slightly as harsh tiptoes pressed against the panels.

"Shush! You'll wake her up!" The blue exceed hissed as Natsu approached the bed.

"We're supposed to wake her up! I'm not about to kidnap her!" The dragon whispered back with a slight glare. "She has to agree to come with us!"

"That always takes so long," Happy rolled his eyes." You take her arms, I'll take her legs."

Natsu held back his laughter with a hand over his mouth, Happy equally trying not to burst out loudly, tears streaming from his eyes.

"Oi, c'mon, we...we gotta go before it gets any later." Natsu snickered as he began to gently shake the girl awake.

"Wake up, Blondie! Time to go!" Happy said, leaning over her to squish her cheeks with paws.

"Quit that! Last time someone woke up to you talking they- "Natsu's eyes widened as the girl stared blankly at the blue cat, his hand ready to cover her mouth if she screamed.

“Happy?" She asked through pursed lips as he was still squishing her cheeks.

"Uwah!'' He yelped as she sleepily wrapped her arms around him. "Wha...Natsu! Help! She's squishin' me!"

"What a weirdo, how'd she know your name?" The pink-haired boy asked, ignoring the cat as he struggled to claw free from her embrace.

"Just wake her up!" Happy yelped and pawed her face, hands too soft to startle her awake.

"Oh, right!" He carefully pried Lucy's arms apart, the cat quickly flying out of reach and making sure that she hadn't taken any of his fur. "Hey, let's go, it's almost midnight!"

"...hmm?" Lucy yawned and turned over, smothering her face into her pillow and grasping to find her blanket. "Ten more minutes, okay, Spetto?"

"Spetto? It's Natsu!" He huffed, almost ready to throw her over his shoulder like Happy had suggested.

"E-Eh, Natsu?!" The blonde quickly sat up, wiping drool from her chin as she stared at the boy who grinned at her.

"Yup! I'm here to take ya to Fiore!" She flushed, ears warm and buzzing as she finally exposed to his voice.

"This...this isn't a dream, is it?"

"No, if it were, I wouldn't have almost died!" Happy yelled, making Lucy jump in surprise. "H-Happy, too?!"

"You just grabbed him, don't ya remember? It was pretty funny."

"I...I didn't think you were real," She said, slowly getting out of bed as she warily looked at the two.

"What're ya talkin' about?" Natsu asked with a quirk of his brow.

"My book of co-hey...it's gone," Lucy frowned as the leather text had suddenly vanished, similarly as it had appeared.

"Uh-huh, we've gotta get moving," Happy said as he stared out the baloney doors. "It's gonna be too late if we don't go now,"

"Go, right now, really?" Lucy asked hesitantly as Natsu went to stand by the baloney doors.

"Yup, we gotta go now,"

"But..." Lucy took a moment to stare at her bedroom door, her thoughts wandering to the staff who would probably worry about her sudden disappearance. And her father...well, he hadn't been the same since her mother passed away. "Oh, at least let me take my mother's necklace, it's all I have left of her,"

"Sure, hurry up!" Natsu sighed as she rushed over to her jewelry box.

"We can't come back, right?" Lucy wavered again as Natsu shook his head.

"You don't have to come with us," The dragon started, calmly reassuring her. "But we can't come back for ya even if you change yer mind."

"It's really fun, promise!" Happy said as he fluttered around her head, Lucy giggling. "Everyone back home is super nice!"

"Gray, Juvia, Erza...even Gajeel, right?"

"Geez, you know everyone's name, huh? We don't even know yours!" Natsu pouted as she came to his side.

"Lucy! Lucy Heartfilia,"

"Here we go! Hold on tight, Luigi!" He said as he quickly swept her into his arms and boomed off her balcony, red wings spreading as he flew higher and higher into the sky.

"It's Lucy!" She squealed, quickly wrapping her arms around his neck as she feared falling to the ground.

"You sure are loud," Happy said as he perched himself on Natsu's head.

"Wouldn't you scream if you were suddenly flying?!" Natsu and Happy laughed, not bothering to mind the fuming girl.

"We fly all the time, ya weirdo. Figured ya know that since ya seem to know everythin’,"

"I know that," She grumbled at the two who continued to laugh. Their teasing at least kept her mind occupied from getting too flustered. To actually be in the arms of the boy she loved through her childhood, the boy she'd been dreaming about only a few minutes ago...and his voice fit his appearance just right.

Natsu grinned as he tightened his grip on Lucy, wings batting wildly as they shot towards the bright star.

"You can open your eyes, Lucy!" The exceed said, now gliding through the air beside them.

"It's...beautiful!" Lucy gasped as she looked down on the pocket of Ishgar and corner of Fiore.

The full ocean sat beneath them, the coast lined up with boats against the port town.

"We gotta go over a couple things before we bring ya to the guild," the dragon said as he settled the girl down onto a cloud.

"What things? Should I have changed? I guess it's a bit weird to Eh––I'm glowing!"

"I've never seen anyone glow when we brought them back," Happy ooed as he admired Lucy's golden skin.

"You've got magic in ya! That's why we came to get you," Natsu explained.

"Magic? Really? what kind?" Lucy asked as she confined to stare at her glittering palms.

"We dunno, it'll just come to ya," He shrugged, eyes suddenly sharpening as he turned his head toward the water. Lucy yelped as Natsu tackled her and dragged Happy to the other end of their puffy structure. Her eyes widened at the sight of a large black cannonball shoot its way through the cloud, effectively disintegrating the half they were sat upon.

"Crap! One of the patrol ships must've seen us!"

[robronsecretvalentine]

The Latest Scheme

Secret Valentine’s Day Gift for @prettyboysugden

Happy Valentine’s Day Lucy!

The Latest Scheme

Aaron was very frustrated. He had spent most of the afternoon trying to pick a car apart when he realized that there were actually working parts in good condition still on the car. He then had to be careful stripping the car and that had taken longer than usual and he still had another car to strip. He needed to finish this today as the pick-up for them was tomorrow. Adam had scoffed off earlier under the pretense of “needing some time to work on his relationship with Vic” which was mostly him grovelling to Victoria for his latest misstep.

He was hunched under the hood as he heard footsteps on the gravel leading up to the scrapyard. At this time and the way the person was walking, it could only be one person. Well that was it for the cars. They couldn’t be finished by tomorrow and Adam was going to have to take them himself the day after and moan about it. He knew whatever he was here for at this time, it would not end well for Aaron.

He braced himself as he continued to work. At least he could pretend to resist the newest scheme for a bit longer. Who knew if he played his cards right he might even get him to help with the cars!

“I bought you coffee and a scone. Wanted to bring you cake, but there was only one slice left and I wanted that so you have to do with the scone I’m afraid.” Robert said.

Oh this was bad. Aaron definitely needed a lawyer for this if he was being offered coffee and scone for free on a Wednesday afternoon.

“No. I’m not doing it. Whatever it is this time. I am not breaking into you ex-fiancé’s home to steal her dad’s old dirty love letters or breaking into the safe to get his will, and I am definitely not impersonating a millionaire to steal his clients. I am done with your schemes to take over Home Farm. At this rate I will either end up back in prison or killed by that nut-job Lachlan!” his voice raised as he turned to Robert. By the end he was shrieking.  

“Calm down, will ya? I am not asking you anything you paranoid freak! Can’t I just bring my best mate in the whole wide world a coffee and a pastry?” Robert said teasingly with a smirk that Aaron knew meant death and destruction was on the way. He knew his friend well.

He took the coffee and the scone from Robert suspiciously. They both leaned against the half striped car. The truth was that his friendship with Robert had taken him by surprise. Almost one year ago, the two of them had found their ways separately back to Emmerdale. A series of bad decisions and even worst consequences had resulted in their first “meeting”.

Aaron shouldn’t have been surprised on how often they got into schemes together. Criminal activity and misdemeanor was the foundation of their friendship. What was surprising that after accepting a coffee from Robert and a drink on a night out, they had hit it off immediately. Their bickering and Aaron’s temporary absence of “best friend” had resulted in them becoming fast friends. It was a mutually satisfying friendship.

Aaron had convinced Robert to tell Chrissie the truth about his feelings or lack thereof for her and break off the engagement after Lawrence threatened him yet again. Robert however, had taken his advice and blackmailed Lawrence; he would break if off with her, if Lawrence had made him a shareholder in the business. Obviously Lawrence had refused. This was how Robert had come up with the brilliant idea to steal old photographs and love letters of previous lovers that proved Chrissie might not be Lawrence’s biological daughter. Obviously he couldn’t get his own hands dirty and who did he know who could do it? Aaron obviously. That is how Robert ended up a silent partner in Lawrence’s business, the main investor in Holy Scrap (as a thank you to Aaron for his hard work), Diddy Diner (because he was capable of caring for his family, thank you very much), and as of last month, an equal partner in Home James Haulage.

Robert’s interest in Home Farm was no longer necessary but as he was a grade “A” control freak and couldn’t let anything go if he could make more money out of it, he sometime still screwed with Lawrence. Aaron thought it was out of boredom mainly.

Now the reason Aaron was involved, or at least how he justified it in his own mind, was that he was a great friend. Case in point, Adam and how many times he had saved him. Aaron was ride or die for all his friends. That is what Aaron told himself and Chas and Paddy whenever they questioned his friendship with Robert. The truth though, was a bit different.

Aaron was totally in love with Robert. If he was honest with himself, he was insanely attracted to him from the first time he saw him and if Robert would show any indication that he might be interested, Aaron would confess his feelings on the spot. However, he knew Robert was straight. Aaron put it down as another case of unrequited love for best friend. God knows he already had the experience with Adam when they were kids, and as that experience had taught him, he would soon get over his feelings for him and instead become amazing friends. If he could only stop staring at Robert’s lips as he was sipping his Americano, then he would be fine. God those lips were just begging to be kissed.

“So, there is something I need to tell you.” Robert said in a very suspiciously casual manner.

“I knew it! You want me to do something stupid. Why can’t you just enjoy what you have right now and don’t do anything stupid to ruin it?”

“Well because, Azza, I am not someone who can do that and anyway, you wouldn’t like me if I was!”

“Who says I like you?”

“Well you’re still here. And might I add that in all of our shared endeavors, I didn’t really have to persuade you. You could have said no anytime. You are just as bad as me!” Robert said with his signature smug face. God, Aaron could just slap him. Or kiss him. Whichever that would wipe that smugness off his face.

“So go on. What is the price for this coffee that I have to pay? Are we breaking into a bank? Or perhaps organizing a hit?” Aaron said as he continued to sip his coffee.

“Don’t be so dramatic, you dolt! It’s nothing illegal. And certainly nothing that would get us in trouble. So you know that Chrissie has a sister, right?”

Aaron nodded. He knew that when they discovered that Chrissie was not Lawrence’s biological daughter, Lawrence had done anything to keep that information away from his daughters, especially Rebecca, as he was certain that would cause a rift between his daughters.

“Yeah. So?” Said Aaron.

“Well, what you don’t know is that before I got engaged to Chrissie, Rebecca and I used to fool around. It got more serious with Chrissie so I ended it with Rebecca. She didn’t have access to Lawrence as Chrissie did. She stayed away after that until she heard me and Chrissie are done. Now she is coming back. And the thing is that she never really got over me.” Robert said as if he was proud of the fact that someone had difficulty getting over him. Aaron could sympathize.

“So what? You want to blackmail Lawrence some more now? Give me money or I’ll tell your daughter sort of thing?” Aaron said grumpily. He knew Robert had flaws. He would even concede that Robert wasn’t going to win the best person award, but sometimes he wished he had a little bit if decency and not think of money and power all the time. It made Aaron more conflicted inside. He was best fiends (and maybe, sort of, kind of, a little bit, in love) with someone who didn’t bat an eye at blackmailing and emotional manipulation. Well, C’est la vie.

“No you idiot. I’m done with them. It’s actually the opposite of that. See Rebecca texted me a few days ago to let me know she was coming and I quote “so we could finally be together properly” and I don’t want that life anymore. So what I need is something else.” Robert said. Strange thing was he kept his eyes down. It was the first time that Aaron had seen him like this. It was as if like he was almost shy about what he was about to ask.

“Spit it out then!” Aaron said impatiently.

Robert took a deep breath and blurted “willyoubemyfakeboyfrienduntilshegoesaway?”

“You what?”

“Will you be my fake boyfriend until she goes away?” Robert repeated slower this time.

Aaron was gobsmacked. On one hand that was the most outrageous request he had ever heard and he just wanted to laugh out loud. On the other hand, this was the plot of one of his many fantasies which normally ended with him under Robert. He didn’t know to laugh or to cry. His lack of response must have alerted Robert.

“Look you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. It was just an idea. If she thinks that she has a chance with me, she will make my life hell until I give in and play her game which is basically torturing her sister and I don’t want to be dragged into another sibling drama.” Robert said.

Aaron composed himself enough to ask “but you are okay with everyone assuming you are gay?”

“Well, bisexual actually. And this way I can finally come out to my family as well. Killing two birds with one stone and all.”

“I’m sorry; did you just come out to me?” Aaron asked. He was completely confused. Did that mean he had a chance with Robert? Did it mean that Robert was available to him? But wait a minute, if he was, then did it mean that Robert didn’t like Aaron that way as he hadn’t come on to him. Robert wasn’t shy. If he liked someone he would just tell them. So that meant that he didn’t fancy Aaron. Universe had a cruel sense of humor when it came to Aaron.

“To be honest I thought you knew. Well at least we know you have a rubbish gaydar!” Robert had the audacity to say!

“So what? You thought a little romance with the local gay will get the woman to back off? And why does it have to be me? I mean Finn would be a more believable option for you. I mean he is prettier and he hangs on every word you say. So why not ask him?”

“Well Finn isn’t really my type!”

“And what, I am?” Aaron was hysteric now.

“Well yeah! I mean have you seen you?? You are fit and hot and very very sexy without even realizing it! I mean every time we walk into a bar, I am surprised that men don’t just pounce on you!” Robert said with an animated voice. Aaron was speechless. Did Robert just say he was sexy?

“Look forget it. It was a stupid idea. You clearly aren’t comfortable with it. Just forget about it.” Robert said while avoiding looking at Aaron.

“So are we on tonight to watch the game? Is Adam coming as well? I can make some snacks if you wanted to come earlier” Robert changed the subject.

Aaron cleared his throat. He couldn’t believe what just had happened. Robert seemed to be embarrassed by his accidental confession and clearly didn’t want to talk about it. Aaron suddenly felt shy as well. He never was good at taking compliments. And he didn’t know if Robert was complimenting him or coming on to him. He decided to play along with Robert’s deflection.

“Yeah, yeah. Adam said he would bring the beer. I can bring some crisps if you want. Say 5 ish?”

“No need. I will be making fish and chips. Just come by 5 and we’ll be all set.”

After a few awkward moments of silence, Robert chugged down the rest of his coffee, nodded his head and left the scrapyard.

Aaron could not move. He was sure that drool was falling down his face as he was unable to close his mouth. He was having an out of body experience. There was no way that Robert bleeding Sugden was attracted to him.

But it seemed that he was. He actually came out to Aaron and admitted that he found him attractive at the same time. It was as if someone had figured out all of Aaron’s deepest desires and had made them come true. So did that mean that he wanted to be Aaron? Surely he would have said something if he did. Instead, he had changed the subject and left. Perhaps Robert wasn’t ready and Aaron could respect that. He would follow Robert’s lead and act as if nothing had happened.

He would definitely do that as soon has his heart stopped hammering in his chest! He needed some time to calm down first!

Tonight was a game night. It had become a semi-usual event that Aaron and Adam would go to Robert’s place a couple of times a week for watching football and playing games or watching films on Robert’s giant TV. If Andy and Robert were on speaking terms that week, he would sometimes join them.

For some reason, Aaron put extra effort into getting ready. He then felt foolish for taking extra time because it was just their usual football night. Nothing more.

He finally decided on his usual black jeans and black hoody. But in the off chance that the universe wasn’t fucking with him, he put on his green sweater under the hoody. He felt ridiculous. There was no way that Robert wanted him.

A few hours later, he was completely convinced Robert wanted him.

It all started as soon as he got there with Adam. From the first moment, there was a charged feeling between them. It got so bad that even clueless Adam knew was something out of ordinary. Aaron was extra aware of Robert and he was trying so hard to not to be obvious that it was painful. During the game, Adam kept looking between them suspiciously. When Robert went to the kitchen to grab more beers, Adam finally snapped.

“Hey, what’s the matter with you two? Have you had fight or something?”

“What? No! Of course not!”

“Then what’s with the weird looks?”

“There are no weird looks! Shut up Adam!”

But when Robert came back Aaron turned red and turned away to look at the telly.

After the game, Adam was tired of both of them acting so strange, when Robert had gone to the loo, he ditched Aaron.

Robert came down the stairs a few minutes later. He froze on the doorway when he realized it was just him and Aaron.

“Where’s Adam?” he asked.

“Oh he just left.” Aaron was trying to sound casual.

Robert nodded his head and came to sit on the other side of the couch that Aaron was sitting.

“Another beer?” he offered.

“Nah you’re alright. I have to work early tomorrow and I don’t wanna be hungover.”

“So… fancy a movie? Or we could play some Fifa if you wanted?”

“What I want is you.” Aaron heard himself say. Fuuuuuuuuuck. Did he just say that out loud?! Judging by the way that Robert’s eyes widened and his face went red, it was safe to assume that yes, Aaron had said that out loud.

“I mean …. Not that… I mean I want to …. Look, just uhm…. Could you forget I said that?” Aaron spluttered. He was an idiot.

“uhm… how… why… really?” Robert said in reply. He didn’t seem repulsed by the idea. Aaron decided to take a chance. He had already ruined everything. What was a little love confession between friends?

“Yeah. I mean I do fancy ya. I mean more than fancy… like sort of kinda inloveish … yeah?” Aaron was hoping for a lighting strike or a giant hole in ground to swallow him so he could escape this utter humiliation.

Robert was silent for several excruciating moments. Enough to trigger Aaron’s fight and flight response. And since this was Robert, Aaron chose flight.

“So I guess I will be going. No need to you know say anything. And I guess I will see you around. Or not if you know, you don’t. So uhm. Yeah. Sorry. And thanks for you know. Yeah. Sorry.” Aaron said as he was pulling on his hoody and retreating to the front door. As he was about to open the door a pair of strong arms caught his arm and shoulder and turned him around.

Before he could say anything, Robert pressed him against the wall by the end of the stairs. His face was inches away from Aaron’s and he was directly looking at his eyes. Aaron held his breath. This was the look that had made him fall in love with him in the first place. The green eyes with such intensity, directing all of his attention towards Aaron. The heavy breathing and his parted lips was setting Aaron’s body on fire.

Robert finally broke the spell and looked at Aaron’s mouth.

“How do you know that you love me?”

It took all of Aaron’s strength to form a response.

“Because you are all I think about and every time I see you, it feels as if my heart wants to jump out of my chest.” Aaron said, without skipping a beat, looking directly at Robert’s eyes. The time for shyness and hiding was over. He had laid his heart to Robert. It was up to him to either take it or break it.

Robert was blushing which made his freckles more noticeable Aaron wanted to kiss all of them.

Robert took a step back. His face was unreadable. He had finally made a decision. He reached out with his hands and took Aaron’s hands in his. He brought one to his lips and kissed the back of his hand. He then looked at Aaron and smiled.

“You know?”

“I know.”

There was no more words needed. Robert didn’t let go of his hands as he took him upstairs. Aaron didn’t think he would ever stop smiling.

Later as Robert’s head was cradled between Aaron’s neck and shoulder and they were catching their breath, Aaron remembered something from earlier.

“So does that mean when you tell the Whites that you have a boyfriend, then it won’t be a scam anymore?” Aaron said as he was playing with Robert’s fingers.

“Is that your way of asking if I want to call us boyfriends?” Robert said while smiling into Aaron’s shoulder.

“Maybe”

“Hmmm, well I have a small confession to make. When Rebecca called before, I already told her I wasn’t interested and I was seeing someone else.” Robert said.

“Hang on a minute, so this morning, what was that? You trying to get in my pants by using a scam as an excuse?”

Robert lifted his head and looked at Aaron apologetically.

“Well, I wanted to ask you out but I didn’t know how to do it. I’m sorry.” He seemed genuinely upset.

Aaron looked at him with a frown for a second before deciding to put him out of his misery. He then cracked a mischievous smile which prompted Robert to bite his chin.

“Ow! Stop it you muppet!” Aaron pretended he was hurt. Robert bent his head and kissed him where he had bitten him. He then turned to Aaron’s lips and they were both busy to think about anything else for a while.

“So what’s the latest scheme then, if not blackmailing the Whites?” Aaron said the next morning as he was drinking the coffee that Robert had just made. Robert turned around from the stove as he was making their breakfast. He was only in a t-shirt and underwear. He looked good enough to eat!

“Well, to be honest I am sort of bored with the Whites. But the other day I heard something particularly interesting that I think it would be an amazing thing to do with my brand new boyfriend.” He responded with a glint in his eyes. Aaron knew instantly that this was going to be one of those schemes that would either get them arrested or in feud with the locals. God he loved this man!

“Alright, let’s hear what am I going to go to prison for this time.” He already knew he would do it no matter what.

“Hey I resent the implication that I would risk my boyfriend getting caught.” Robert protested.

“Soft lad. Go on, let’s hear it.”

“How do you feel about puppies? Specifically how do you feel about messing with a couple of puppy breeders and potentially having to take over a breeding operation?”

Yup, he was in trouble alright.

[mobscene-london]

BASIC INFORMATION:

NAME: Viktoriya Arkadyevna Kurylenko. AGE: 31. PLACE OF BIRTH: Launceston, Massachusetts, United States. AFFILIATION: The Russian Mob.  OCCUPATION: Loyalist. FACE CLAIM: Elizabeth Debicki. AVAILABILITY: TAKEN.

  BIOGRAPHY:

“You know, I can help you. You just have to trust me…”

It amazed her she could be convincing enough in her kindness people often wanted to.

Forced meetings like these were hardly uncommon in their circles. Usually, they would convene in derelict warehouses the Russians procured for precisely such usage; underground fights as far as the brain dead Irish were concerned, but population control to those smart enough to see what was really happening. People didn’t attend to watch a brawl, they came to witness death. Whilst she was above getting involved physically, however, that didn’t mean that she couldn’t enjoy watching.

“We aren’t unreasonable, grenouille,” she assured, voice almost as soothing as her fingertips as they danced across his tensed shoulders. The man was ready to fight, but only in the way an injured animal fought for survival. Tragic. “It might be a fight to the death, but given the terrifying reputation that precedes you, it should be an easy win, no? I have faith in you.”

Oh, how she loved to mock.

“You’re fucking insane, you bitch.”

“Somebody’s feeling touchy,” she said with a pout, letting her finger trail down his impressively chiselled back. Such a waste that he was one of them. It was then that she shoved him toward the makeshift ring; a reminder that he had no choice. “That’s no way to speak to a lady.”

Leaving out the fact the Frenchman would be fighting his little brother was a choice made for her own entertainment. If they disobeyed their orders and refused to battle it out, she was sure Anatoly would kill both captives. If they did settle on one surviving the other, she may have neglected to mention that the victor would be fighting Maksim next. Where was the fun in being honest when you could enjoy the suffering of St. Clair scum, instead? Had it been anyone else she might’ve offered a sliver of mercy, but despite grudges being as pointless as they were exhaustive—especially against people who didn’t deserve an iota of her time—Viktoriya would always make an exception for the French.  

The sense of superiority that radiated from them vexed her. They’d swept into Launceston as though they owned the place, and her family had been fighting for dominance of their own home ever since. Viktoriya couldn’t remember a time in her life when the French threat hadn’t loomed on the horizon; when there hadn’t been whispers in the Russian inner circles about how they kept losing to an enemy that was growing more powerful by the day. For a woman who was more pride than sanity—even if she wasn’t technically a part of the gang herself back then—it was natural she took it personally when her family was being reduced to a punch line.

Pride was just another one of many traits she had picked up from her father.

Whilst Maksim might’ve mirrored the man most closely, Viktoriya had absorbed just enough of his characteristics that when combined with her mother’s smarts and charisma, made her equally as dangerous. No, she wouldn’t come at you with a knife and a snarl (unlike her brother) but her mind could reach lows even he couldn’t conjure up in his worst nightmares. The inside of her head was terrifying, and that was a fear that could not be instilled with brute force alone.

Viktoriya was sure that her mother could always sense she wasn’t quite right. That something human was missing. Sadistic seemed too kind a word for a daughter so troubled, and try as she might—and oh, the wretched woman tried—she still couldn’t guide the girl to a kinder path. The tension between her parents was always obvious. Maria fought her husband consistently about how involved she would become with family business. Maksim might’ve been a lost cause by the time his sister was a teenager, and maybe that was why her mother had been all the more adamant about her not going the same way. Viktoriya was remarkably intelligent, and so charming—albeit sociopathic, to her mother’s misunderstanding—that the idea of her wasting away in some street gang was heartbreaking.

Being forced into medical school was dire. Whilst she appreciated the challenge intellectually, what Viktoriya didn’t care for was her life being planned out regardless of what she wanted.

Maksim was out there fighting, just like her father. All of her cousins got to choose.

Why did she have to suffer exclusion?

Viktoriya envied her brother’s involvement with her father’s work—not just because she wanted to play a bigger role in restoring her family’s reputation, but because she was so close to her father, it felt as though she was disappointing him. Still, she couldn’t resent Maksim for something that was out of both of their control. In fact, they had always been close; enough so that his imprisonment in Russia was very much the catalyst that pushed her mind over the edge.

When her mother was kidnapped—no doubt by the French they were now violently warring with—her reaction had been so contrastingly limited even her father looked at her with some concern. Viktoriya wasn’t pleased her mother was gone, but she hadn’t really been sad about it, either. The bright student was two years into her surgical residency, and still dropped out without so much as a hesitation as soon as the woman was gone. With Maksim back in Launceston, and her father on a cold-blooded rampage, it finally seemed like the time was coming for her to prove her worth.

Viktoriya has shown that you don’t have to be hands-on to be invaluable. She might not be the one to pick up the knife, but she will happily watch and offer medical advice on how best to flay, dissect, or harvest an enemy. She might not fight herself, but she will patch up the wounded who have. She might not be the one carrying out the orders, but her infallible mind picks up on the holes in plans before those who do act on behalf of the family fall into them. She might not be the one to hurt the mob’s victims, but her ease on the social stage makes her a prime lure for sucking in the most valuable ones when the rougher members of the family can’t get close.

She has certainly found her niches, and will play whatever games she needs to if it ensures the success of her family. Though she is hesitant to trade Launceston for London, she will go wherever her father does. Wherever the family needs her.

The French that await them to be tormented are simply a bonus.    

SOCIAL CONNECTIONS:

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single. FAMILY: Arkady Kurylenko (father), Maria Kurylenko (mother, deceased), Maksim Kurylenko (brother),  Mikhail, Konstantin Vorshevsky (cousins) CONNECTIONS:

Anatoly Veselov: Best friend. Viktoriya doesn’t consider herself close to many people who aren’t blood relations, and trusts even fewer of them, but when it comes to Anatoly, she’s always made an exception. She admired him from afar long before she became actively involved with the mob, and now that she plays a bigger role, spends most of it at his side. There aren’t many people she could claim understand her (and she suspects he feels the same way) but he is one. For that, she is grateful.

Aviv Kasyanenko: Good friend. Though her brother initially warded her off getting close to Aviv, it was a pointless protest. Like-minded people always end up gravitating to each other in the end, and that was exactly what happened with them. Viktoriya is a fan of his violent streak, and often accompanies him when he’s paying visits to victims of the basement. She admires how hard he works for her family.

Mila Korshunova: Friend. Although their relationship is young, the two women have made quick strides toward becoming friends. It is rare she forms any connections that aren’t entirely shallow, but even she can admit that it’s nice to have her cousin’s wife around. They often attend social events together, as they’re two of few members of the family who are accepted (and sometimes admired) on the public stage.

[gallifreyandemigoddess]

Listen, I have a lot of emotions about “The Burning Maze” and everything that unfolded in this particular book. It destroyed my soul in many ways, but it also gave me an immense amount of satisfaction and joy.

But, to start it off in the same way that I’ve started my other two posts about “The Hidden Oracle” and “The Dark Prophecy”, I will start with my favorite sun god, Lester Apollo.

    I’m really happy with how profound his character development has become.

“All of this,” I announced, “is my fault.”

You can imagine how difficult this was for me to say. The words simply had not been in the vocabulary of Apollo.

We have this former Olympian who was used to having everything he could ever desire and who was arrogant and self-centered (though in the first book he admitted that his self-centeredness was a pretense, something to hide how lonely and heartbroken he actually was, more specifically on the twenty-seventh chapter, on page 258) I add the source to show that I’m not making shit up. And through the course of his trials he has, in a way, grown to accept his fate as a human.

He still laments his fate, and he still wishes he could become a god and leave all those problems behind, but he has grown to understand what it means to be a human, and to accept his emotions and to feel.

“In times past, I would have scoffed at any nymph who dared to call me poor thing. Now, Mellie’s show of concern caused a lump to form in my throat. I was tempted to rest my head on her shoulder and sob out my troubles.”  

“Gods wouldn’t normally mourn the loss of a griffin, or a few dryads, or a single ecosystem. The longer I was mortal, the more affected I was by even the smallest loss.”

There are several parts where he is gentle to Meg and to Grover when they seem to be hurting. The Apollo from the first book would have never done that, he would’ve cared only about himself and his own feelings.

The few times he mentioned how much he missed being a god, he wasn’t thinking only about how he could simply pass his duty to the demigods and return to the safety of Olympus, he was also thinking about the lives he could’ve saved had he still been the god of healing.

This part, however, shows great depth because in the past (around the first book maybe), he wouldn’t have given the choice a second thought, he would’ve just left:

I wondered, if my own father, Zeus, appeared to me just then and offered me a way back to Olympus, what price would I be willing to pay? Would I leave Meg to her fate? Would I abandon the demigods and satyrs and dryads who had become my comrades? Would I forget about all the terrible things Zeus had done to me over the centuries and swallow my pride, just so I could regain my place in Olympus, knowing full well I would still be under Zeus’ thumb?

Also, the little fucker tried to sacrifice himself so many times in the story I was about to tear my hair out. I lost it when he actually impaled himself with the Arrow of Dodona, I was very, as the scientists call it, shooketh.

“Let my friends go,” I said. “All of them. Then you can have me.”

The emperor’s eyes gleamed like a strix’s. “And if I don’t?”

I summoned my courage and issued a threat I never could have imagined in my previous four thousand years of life. “Ill kill myself.”

On a familiar note, Apollo is starting to realize that perhaps Zeus had a valid reason for sending him down to Earth as a mortal, which shows more growth, because on the last books he had only seen his punishment as something unfair.

“I began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Zeus had been right to send me to earth, to correct the wrongs I had allowed to happen.

 Sassy Apollo is the best thing to happen:

“Girl, I see you- I felt like saying- You are not subtle, and we really need to have a talk about crushing on dryads.”

“Full points for vagueness, girl, but I want the dirt.”

Supporting (and charming) Apollo is also an amazing thing:

“Such a gorgeous blade held by the most beautiful woman ever to walk the earth. (No offense to the billions of other women out there who are also quite enchanting; I love you all.)”

Also, this part in which he was literally the Dad Friend?

“Meg!” I chided. “Sit back and buckle up, please. Grover, stop eating your seat belt. Your setting a bad example.”

Just imagine this scene please, “Meg summoned her golden swords. Grover fumbled for his reed pipes. I prepared to run away screaming.” because I pictured little Lester shifting uncomfortably on his spot as his friends prepared to fight like in a scene of The Avengers, and he just, he had nothing.

The time in which Meg was a straight up savage:

“Unbelievable,” I muttered. “After four thousand years, I am still discovering new things.”

“Like how dumb you are,” Meg volunteered.

“No.”

“So you already knew that?”

 Caligula’s character.

Caligula wants to be the new fucking sun god, and his whole plan to extract what is left of Apollo’s divinity? Fucking twisted but at the same time so...I don’t know how to explain it. I hate his character and I would die if anything happened to Apollo (I’d be damned if by the end he doesn’t go back to being a god) but at the same time, that plan shocked me to my very core. Its unnerving and unsettling but it makes sense. He always wanted to be seen as a god.

On the past book, the second emperor revealed turned out to be a former lover of Apollo, but on this book, it is shown that Caligula’s personality startled the god since ancient times. I find it curious how he seems to have history with each emperor.

Finally, Caligula laughed. “Well done!” He patted my shoulder, then snapped his fingers. One of his servants shuffled forwards and handed me a heavy pouch of gold coins.

Caligula whispered in my ear, “I feel safer already.”

After that, I stayed away from Rome for decades. It was a rare man who could make a god nervous, but Caligula unsettled me. This particular part though, I could almost feel the sexual tension, and no one can convince me otherwise that this wasn’t Caligula flirting with the disguised Apollo.

Another thing I found really interesting is the explanation for when Apollo became the new sun god, and his words to Helios nearly at the end of the book:

“But I remember you- your brilliance, your warmth. I remember your friendship with the gods and the mortals of the earth. I can never be as great a sun deity as you were, but every day I try to honor your memory- to remember your best qualities.”  

Now let’s move on, kids.

Let’s talk about Piper, Grover, and Jason for a moment.

I had forgotten how amazing Piper McLean was, specifically, how caring and sweet she is? She comforted Meg a lot of times thorough the book, and she was such a badass too? I love her? She’s the best? How could anyone hate her?

I also like how well she clicked with Apollo. It was cute.

Piper gave me a wry smile. “That’s nice. I like that. You’re sure you’re not the god of wisdom?”

“I applied for the job,” I said, “but they gave it to someone else. Something about inventing olives.” I rolled my eyes.

She burst out laughing, which made me feel as if a good strong wind had finally blown all the wildlife smoke out of California. I grinned in response. When was the last time I’d had such a positive exchange with an equal, a friend, a kindred soul? I could not recall.

I liked this too:

Piper arched her eyebrows. “Are you sensing a disturbance in the Force?”

“Please,” I muttered. “I’m sensing my usual bad luck.” Because RELATABLE.

Grover is still a sweet, dorky child. I like that we had more information about him as the book proceeded, specifically that he is yet to see Percy again (when will we have that reunion? I don’t know, but I need that to happen asap) and that he has never been to Camp Jupiter. All those months he had been in Palm Springs dealing with the natural disasters happening all around and with the disappearing dryads. It warmed my heart how he was so happy to go back to Camp Half-Blood, to his home.

I wasn’t expecting the news of Piper and Jason’s breakup, but I like that at least we got an explanation and that it was rational.

“You’re wondering who you are without all the pressure.”

Piper loves him, but their relationship had a wrong start.

Hera messed with their memories, made them start dating for a reason that did not exist. Her mother, the goddess of love, made her believe that she needed to have a boyfriend to be a proper daughter of Aphrodite. It’s only reasonable that after everything ended and they tried to settle down she’d realize that she doesn’t know where that leaves her. She needs time to decide who she is- not the daughter of Aphrodite, not as one of the Seven of the prophecy- as her own person.

And even when they’re not a couple anymore, they’re still partners.

It struck me how easily they talked together, even about difficult things, and how well they seemed to understand each other.

Jason Grace. This part is certainly harder to write.

Let’s start with nice things:

“I tried to talk sense into Zeus. I told him it was wrong to punish you. He wouldn’t listen.”

I stared at him blankly, whatever remained of my natural eloquence clogged in my throat. Jason Grace had done what?

Zeus had many children, which meant I had many half-brothers and half-sisters. Except for my twin, Artemis, I’d never felt close to any of them. Certainly, I’d never had a brother defend me in front of Father. My Olympian brethren were more likely to deflect Zeus’ fury by yelling Apollo did it!

This young demigod had stood up for me. He’d had no reason to do so. He barely knew me. Yet he’d risked his own life and faced the wrath of Zeus.

My first thought was to scream ARE YOU INSANE?

Then more appropriate words came to me: “Thank you.”

Jason took me by the shoulders- not out of anger, or in a clinging way, but as a brother. “Promise me one thing. Whatever happens, when you get back to Olympus, when you’re a god again, remember. Remember what it’s like to be human.”

A few weeks ago, I would’ve scoffed. Why would I want to remember this?

Now, however, I had some inkling of what Jason meant. I had learned a lot about human frailty and human strength. I felt…different towards mortals, having been one of them.

“I promise,” I told Jason.

I really loved that part. I think it defines exactly the kind of person that Jason Grace was.

All right, let’s move on.

His death. Jason Grace’s death.

I won’t describe the scene, out of respect, but I honestly think that (while he didn’t deserve to die) he died as a hero, and that it is the only thing that matters. He died to protect his friends- his brother and his ex-girlfriend- and he knew what would happen, he was ready for it. He made his choice. It hurts, of course it does, but he had a hero’s death.

Other parts I liked about the story:

How were heroes with accessibility needs supposed to enjoy this death trap?

 Grover summoned the cry of Pan again.

You humans. You’re why we gods can’t have nice things. Are you sure, Apollo? Because I’m pretty sure that Percy Jackson could do a flawless PowerPoint presentation on how wrong you are.

That could be my life motto, I thought. He takes a lot of damage. Same, Apollo, same.

Imagine this scene, please, because it honestly gave me life:

Behind me, Grover wrestled with Coach Hedge, who was desperately trying to claw open a family fun pack of grenades while cursing the tamper-proof package.  Apollo is trying to be diplomatic and remain calm while they’re being threatened to life, and behind him are two satyrs wrestling over opening or not a big pack of grenades.

The Ares-so-lame video that went viral in mount Olympus that Apollo was definitely not responsible for uploading.

I enjoy running people over in a chariot as much as the next deity, but I did not like the idea of being the guy run over. Honey, now you know how demigods feel.

Apparently, Hephaestus throws great pool parties.

 If a goat wears a goatee, is it a man-tee?

 Apollo’s bitterness towards his family: “The Olympians allowed Zeus to strip me of my powers and toss me to earth. They’ve done half Caligula’s job for him. They won’t interfere. As usual, they’ll expect heroes to set things right.” Tune down the salt, Apollo, not a month before that moment you were one of the gods that expected heroes to fix everything.

This quote: “It’s been my observation that you humans are more than the sum of your history. You can choose how much of your ancestry to embrace. You can overcome the expectations of your family and your society. What you cannot, and should never do, is try to be someone other than yourself.” 

Mount Olympus Mega-God lottery.

The oracle’s riddles; the little game they had to solve to get to her. 

 The multiple mentions of Apollo’s love handles.

Imagine this, please: I still have nightmares about Hermes skating through Olympus with his big hair and gym shorts and high striped socks, listening to Donna Summer on his Walkman.  

Carry him away! I prayed, knowing that no god would listen. Please, just let Tempest get him to safety. This part wrecked me. How pained everyone was to Jason’s death, how a former god knows that his kind never listen to those kinds of prayers because they don’t care.

The maze giving Apollo the middle finger.

Apollo’s imminent rage and heartbreak when the maze used Hyacinthus against him.

Apparently Camp Half-Blood has a satyr school for young satyrs that want to be protectors?

Very few people look as good in tights as Spider-Man. 100% agreed.

Who cared about Apollo? I DO, BITCH, I DO.

How Apollo thought of his family when he was under Medea’s spell. Of his parents, of his twin sister.

The heartbreak that came with Crest’s death. How much it affected Apollo. The poor thing was just a child, and he died to protect them.

REYNA AVILA RAMIREZ ARELLANO IS GOING TO APPEAR ON THE NEXT BOOK. YES. MY QUEEN.

How Jason wanted to fulfill the promise he made to the sea goddess he met with Percy all those months before.

Leo’s arrival broke my heart. He couldn’t say goodbye to Jason. I pictured Piper and Leo’s reunion a million times, but I never imagines that.

I found myself crying. It was ridiculous, gods don’t cry. But as I looked at Jason’s diorama in the seat next to me, all I could think about was that he would never get to see his carefully labeled plans finished. As I held my ukulele, I could only picture Crest playing his last chord with broken fingers.

This line: “I would not allow those who had sacrificed themselves to do so for nothing.”

And the ending: But from now on, I would be more than Lester. I would be more than an observer. I would be Apollo. And I would remember.  

Everything that happened on this book has shaped Apollo, has made him more human. I think on the next book his promise of being more than an observer (or remembering) will come true- I think he will be stronger than before, because he wants to honor the memory of those that died for his cause.  

I want to see Reyna interact with Meg and Apollo, but most of all, I’m kind of worried for Thalia Grace. She deserves to know what happened to Jason, but I know that it would break my heart. She could react in so many ways…It’s only going to be painful.

But I’m so ready for it! (NOT)

As a whole, I loved the book. I’m really looking forwards to “The Tyrant’s Tomb.”

[lighthouseofthewanderess]

Father

I’ve been contemplating writing about this. Not because I didn’t know how to write it all, or the words that would do justice. But because it’s one of the things lesser known about me, and saying it here is akin to giving a piece of my heart to all of you reading. But here goes; I’ve tried to keep it short. Tried to make it less ‘white’. These, despite the amazing roller-coaster of a journey I’ve had, are the willingly forgotten bits about me.

I saw it on a movie. ‘Gardens of the Night’. While the plot was around pronography and prostitution that I largely skipped for some unspoken reason, the girl and her emotions mirrored mine. The more I saw, the more I understood that something had happened to me as a child. Something wrong. Abuse. Facts state that more often than not, in most sexual child abuses the offender is someone close to them. My father. And I couldn’t look away from the screen. Here were instances, things that were framed wrong. All that touching, why is someone other than the father doing it? Isn’t that what fathers did? See in my head, the way my father treated me was what I assumed every other girl was going through. That this was life, and that I had to listen to him. After all, he was the reason I was alive, wasn’t I?

It took me some more movies and observations of daughters with their fathers to understand that I was insanely wrong. He makes you sit on his lap to put his hand under your skirt. He doesn’t give you baths because he’s taking care of you. He only talks nice when you’re doing him a favor. It was frankly, too much to process. I lingered around the fact that I am making up things in my head, that I missed my mom and everything my father did was looking wrong to me only because he didn’t do it like a mother would do. Then, when I accepted his nature, I was met with a wall of disappointment. That the one person who was to look out for you and your safety was the only person harming you. That the years supposed to be filled with laughter and love was spent with belt marks and stained clothes. When I was about 14, that feeling turned into anger. I wanted him to know only one thing. That I knew. Knew what he did every night, and that I dare him to try it with me again. But it was late. The daily affair and routine of fetching me from the servant quarters in the dead of the night and throwing me out before dawn, had already messed up my head a little.

I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and was walking around with repressed memories that could shut me out anytime. I got used to the process -- there would suddenly be an incident that triggered something from my past, and I would just shut down. I would faint for anywhere between 10 minutes to 2 hours and nothing could wake me up unless I went to the hospital and they revived me. In that blackout, I wasn’t safe at all. I would revisit all the little things that my mind had safely tucked away hoping I will never find out. And why with such vivid details, why did I have to remember his voice and every move he made? That’s right eidetic memory.

I had bangles on my hand in a park. Glass bangles. I remember him walking to me with this long lanky legs covered by a brown trouser. I looked at him, my vision had my two chubby hands with bangles on their wrists. He wasn’t smiling, he was angry. That was my singal to keep quiet and do as he asks. He pulled my hand and dragged me behind a big cement building. Maybe it wasn’t too big, I was just a kid; it looked pretty big to me. He undid his belt and forced my hand between his legs. I yelled, he clamped my mouth. I fought, he placed one leg around me. I couldn’t remember anything other than the pain in my wrists as he held them firmly and the speed. It felt like my skin would come off anytime. When it was done, my bangle broke. And in a rush to hide the incident altogether, he pulled them off both hands and threw it in the garbage that stung me eyes. That’s how I got my first scar on my left hand. When I wake up from these blackouts, I am exhausted to have relived the moment again. I can’t feel the air in my lungs and everything is plain cold. I shiver, I feel numb. Then, I look around at the faces around me and know I’ve survived it yet again. He was miles away and he couldn’t touch me at all. Most of the school and the teachers in India attributed my fainting spells to being weak and underweight. They laughed, it became a long-standing joke. I let it be. It’s easier than having to explain what I saw. The thing is, I wish it all played out a little differently. That day in the park was the only time I resisted him; to me resistance equalled more pain. I’d rather just keep quiet and wait to be away from him. His drinking, his smoking, his rants afterwards about me and how he hated me all led me to wish only one thing. I wanted his love. I wanted to be on my best behavior and hear him tell me I was his daughter, a good little girl, and that I’m the best thing in his life. I heard two of those when he was busy fulfilling his needs with me in the picture, but I never heard him call me his daughter. Turns out the story ran long back, to when I was even littler. In Pune when Prerna and her friends, who had come down for her birthday, all sat around the table, I joined in the conversation. All was fine until they started talking of beaches in Mumbai and how one of her friends took her dog walking in the evenings. I shut down and entered another repressed memory. Here I was, walking with my father into the sunset. Well, almost. Here he was propping me up on a stool next to the bajji vendor parked on the Marina Beach. And there he went, only to reunite with another woman who was not my mother. He only came back when the sun was almost setting. And my blackout fast forwarded into so many evenings just like that where I would sit on the sand, play with a stray dog, and smell the fumes of the oil from the vendor. My father. Happily on the beach. Having an affair. In front of his daughter. To every other eye, it must have looked like we were a happy family of three. Little did they know that I wasn’t of her blood, or that smile on his face was only when he was with her. When I snapped out of this spell, a lot of things made sense. His resentment towards me and my family. His shedding of parenthood for I was not a child he ever wanted. His insistent nudges to send my mom off to the US so he could be free. What didn’t add up was -- why did he find pleasure in me. What a twisted thing it was, and how twisted was it to hear that after the divorce he went on to marry again. Yes that’s right. My mom hearing the story, rang up a friend in the Income Tax Department and he traced him down to a government college. Where he worked with his new wife. Did I want to see her picture? No thanks, the memory of her ID card around her neck was the last puzzle piece I needed. It broke my heart even more to know he had one son and one daughter. And that they were a happy family. Was I not enough? He didn’t hurt his children from a second marriage and decided to ruin the life of his first child? That validation I was seeking from him all those years crumbled away. It was no fault of mine, I could've borne every piercing pain and scar and yet that wouldn’t have made him a better person. Couldn’t have made him love you. When mom and I came back from the US to give the marriage another shot, I cursed my life over and over. My mom was unaware of everything because she had fled to the US. Her side of the family supported my dad because they had tossed the responsibility to him. It was all a big mess, a bomb that was running out of wick. In India, my mom didn’t work. She stayed home and tried to be a good housewife. And just like I feared, my father went back to his old ways. I had grown up now, I wouldn’t even have to kneel. The hunger in his eyes, the way his adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he saw me getting ready to school -- these are the things that stuck with me and made me fear every guy. That look, what a common look it was in the world, feasting on bodies, drinking the fear. I tried so hard to not be at home when my mom went to buy groceries. As soon as she stepped out, a game of cat and mouse would ensue. I would run through the rooms, the corridors, trying to make it out of the house and to the terrace. Most times I failed. His stealth always surprised me; his otherwise lazy attitude would disappear and in its place an irresistible urge would build up. My clothes have torn, and he has had me quickly change in the 20 minutes it took mom to come back. I would make up a reason for the new dress, or a scar or two. She always believed me. I saw him again, when I thought I far from him. And what are the odds, he walked straight into my grandpa’s house in Erode. This was supposed to be a safe place, where my mom grew up. If he would come and go as he wished, could they even be trusted? What have we been doing believing them all our lives? My mom had many thoughts at that moment, but I watched her keep her calm and did the same. Inside I was disappearing. My aunt rushed my mom and me into a room and locked us on the outside. When I heard his voice, I wished I was mistaken. That same raspy, half croaky voice. Saying that he wants to see me again, that my mom was wrong to deny seeing his own daughter. There. I heard it. Half of me despite it all, wanted to go see him. I wanted to walk across the corridor, down the steps and up again into the patio. I would be shaking all over, cold and numb, but I wanted to see his face as he said that again. This time in front me, his daughter who had grown almost to his height. But I was locked in and that was that. He spoke, he left. The door was unlocked, and we blocked out the only family we had for turning on us dead wrong. That night, I saw my mom breakdown. She yelled in the middle of the house and demanded answers. A lot of things surfaced. The fact that she wanted her parents to take care of me and not my father was new. I heard it and a little joy bloomed within. Distant relatives came from all over, all hosting their own panchayat. They wanted her to make it work again with my father, the situation was that of family honor now. My mom grabbed me from the corner in the middle of all this and said

“If you think I married to lay with him one night then let it be. This life in my hands, this little girl is the only good thing out of this marriage and I cannot give any more to him.” How powerful. That made sense. In fact, that’s the possible the only way to look at it. Why they got her married to a man like him, against the wishes of the entire town, we will never know. Why my mom didn’t listen to her litter sister and take the bag she had packed to run away before the marriage, we will never know. It was mom and me again, just like it had been in the US. We were fools to think years changed anything at all. I think that’s why when I caught my mom giving her life a second thought, I brought up divorce. It was all for the good. That’s why, when we came to India for good we picked Bangalore and not Chennai. That’s why, in almost every relationship, I ended up imagining my father when in bed. I couldn’t shake it off. I went to therapy like my mom advised. I switched therapists because the minute I unraveled my tale and brought to life every incident with horrific detail (what’s here is the surface) they needed a day or two off before they could see me. I broke the news to my mom at 19 on the insistence of my permanent therapist. My mom broke down and couldn’t look at me the same. She swore on all her family gods. Then I started healing in ways that were too painful. My then boyfriend cheated on me because I couldn’t ‘just do it’. I learned I was more than my body, and freezing up was okay. I started mingling with boys at school only after I knew I could defend myself and throw a few punches if it came to that. Little by little, I watched movie movies with scenes from an abuse. I accepted, I processed, I hugged myself and promised never to let it go through something like that again. I learned that there was no point seeking the love of a father because in this life I was gifted with a monster. When I think of the times in kindergarten in India, I remember the way other kids babbled about their fathers. How they got gifts, and how they went to the movies. I made up stories to stay in loop and imagined a father so pristine. I did that for most of my life actually. He would walk two steps behind me, and push a stubborn lock of hair behind my ear. He would buy me cotton candy, and advise me on dating boys. He would say I looked the prettiest in white, and hated it when I wore dark lipstick. Half of this was Pradeesh Uncle, and the other half my mom fulfilled. She became my father and mother and tried so very hard to not make me miss a father figure in my life. That’s the only problem with her. She believes that’s possible for me to do. Accept her as a double parent and never want for anything at all. And that’s where she goes wrong. As strong as a woman she maybe, and as well as a father she may play, some things just don’t become right with a lot of good. The cigarette he ashed on the left side of my neck when I refused to undo his belt. That I pass off as a birthmark to those who ask. His picture taking when I was old enough to take bath. I still can’t bring myself to look at the mirror in my bathroom. Any tall, skinny man; the restlessness that brews inside I just can't deny. It doesn’t matter if my mom is around me. If I know I can take down that man. The mind is used to forgetting, the heart used to forgiving, but the body remembers. Father: a wish I wasn’t granted.

[jess-the-vampire]

Sky And The Forces Of The Multiverse, Chapter 3

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Sky gave herself a movement to ponder whether she heard that right, she was already caught off guard by the presence of presumably another butterfly wielding a wand straight at her face, but now she was speaking utter nonsense. Today was bad enough, but now THIS? This day was only getting worse, and weirder by the minute. Sky didn't put her wand down though despite her order, and held her wand out, her arms were shaking and she felt her heart speed up. This day just got better and better it seems, and it looked like it was about to get worse as the other bodies moved. The yin yang girl still looked in utter pain but she didn't let up, "I said put the wand down, I don't know who you are but you're on butterfly properly and if you want my moms to let you off easy and not think this is a direct attack on the castle i suggest you listen to me...". Sky gave her a look, " I beg your pardon? I'm the princess of mewni, now would you mind explaining who you are and what the heck you're doing here?! Were you the ones messing with my wand?"

One of the other bodies stood up, another girl with a ponytail of strawberry blonde hair fading into pink, her skin was an eerie pink and she wore a dark red puffy dress. But Sky and the other girl gasped at the sight of her face, she had bull-like horns, 3 red eyes, a pointy nose, pointed ears, fans, and jagged red crescent cheek marks. She looked around for something before reaching her hand out to summon a dark pink staff with matching horns , bat wings, and a large gem on the end.  She didn't attack though, and glared between the girls with their wands pointed at each other, as if extremely confused about what was going on and how she got there in the first place. Yin Yang girl looked between the girls, "Wha-", only for the last two bodies to stand up and take in their surroundings as well. Sky gaped at them, they also had cheekmarks, one with blue teardrops, brown hair, brown eyes and wearing a red and white dress and the other with a different shade of brown hair with a green stripe, one green eye as the other was covered by her bangs, a pilot's jacket overtop a green dress, and green saint symbols, . Saint girl tripped getting out of the bush she fell in, but oddly laughed at her clumsiness rather then show confusion or even fear. But the teardrop girl didn't hesitate to pull out her rather strange and elaborate wand, it was thicker then most wands sky had seen, covered in reds and yellows but with a blue teardrop gem on it's circular head. She pointed her wand in between the girls and yin yang turned around to do the same, on guard for one of them to strike. Sky's breathing became heavier, she wanted to shout for help but what if one of them shot her with a spell before help came? Who even were these girls? Why did they all seem to have wands? This was bad,bad ,bad, bad....VERY Bad. Did her wand do this? No, her wand couldn't have done this on it's own! Right? The three girls kept the wands up while the other two girls exchanged odd looks, Sky would of assumed they were all together but judging by their faces and well, the fact that teardrop girl was pointing a wand at ying yang, they seemed to be on equal planes of confusion. Sky needed to speak up, someone needed to say something, "W-who are you....all of you?". Yin yang glared at her, "I should be asking you the same thing, I don't know how i ended up in the castle gardens but If any of you laid one finger on me i'll-". Teardrop girl interrupted, "Laid a finger on you? I was on EARTH! You wanna explain to me how you managed to kidnap me off of earth? Although frankly you did a crumby job anyway since you didn't even take away my wand.." "Kidnap you? Why would I kidnap you?", The teardrop girl spat on the ground, "Oh? So the princess of mewni really doesn't suit your tastes does it? Just wipe away those fake marks, all of you, you're in trouble for impersonating a butterfly and kidnapping me, my mother will have a field day with this....". She looked to Sky, "Especially you, Spades? How uncreative can you get? Did you think you'd be edgy looking like Eclipsa or something? ". Sky's mind was racing, wait? She also thought she was the princess of mewni? Did....did all these girls think that? "I uh.....look, i think we're all kinda confused, and a little freaked out....maybe we should uh....introduce ourselves and sort this all out...?", Sky knew this was probably not the best course of actions, but it was sure better then gettign into a wand fight with this many opponents. However, all the girls blankly stared at her in annoyance and Sky was about to reconsider her next move when the girl with the horns clutched her wand tight and and spoke up. "I'm Sunny....Sunny Butterfly...". The girls all blankly stared at her before teardrop girl spoke up, "Wait, no, you can't be a butterfly! Y-you're-". Sunny glared at her, "A demon?", teardrop girl didn't finish what she was going to say.  "Well, I'm Celeste, Celeste Butterfly, But i'm sure you all knew that..". Saint girl, who seemed to be lost in her thoughts rather then paying attention, spoke up, "Woah, this is kinda cool, we're doing a role call.....I'm Galexia Butterfly! Not sure how i ended up in the gardens but this is way cooler then what i was doing before!..Wait? is this a dream? Cause this looks like a pretty sweet dream." Yin Yang girl side eyed everyone before sighing, "It's Luna.....". "I'm Sky....", Sky said, lowering her wand just a little, "I'm also the princess of mewni.....". All the girls looked towards each other, a little less scared, but a lot more confused and curious. Luna kept her wand up however, "Alright, so....you all think you're butterfly's, you all have marks, and let me guess...you all claim to be princess of mewni?". They exchanged glances with each other and Luna grumbled, "I'm not sure who you all really are....but this is super weird an-" "But it's true!", Sky's blurted out, "I mean, i don't know about the rest of you, but i'm....i'm the princess...I have the family wand and ever-" "But I also have the family wand, and....wait... we all have real wands....!", Sunny piped up, staring at all the wands presented, "T-there.. somethings not right here...i mean, how likely are we all to be princesses of mewni, all have marks, and all have wands?", She raised up her staff like wand and allowed it to glow with magic, "We..uh....no...there's only one wand for the princess, there can't be five wands...!" Sky chipped in to the strange girl's defense, "She has a point....". Celeste furrowed her eyebrows thought about lowering her wand, only for her to lower it but a few inches. "Ok, well if her wand is real, and your wands are real....then something is really wrong here....people just don't get wands around here." She glanced to Galexia, "You don't seem to have a wand....". to which the girl pulled a gold, purple, and green lantern out of the bush she fell into, "You mean this?". Celeste cringed at the strange "Wand" she was holding. The blunette cleared her throat, and all the girls turned towards her, " Ok, maybe we need something a little....better to work off of....er.....". However, Luna chimed in, "Ok then, i'll ask the questions here, if you're all supposed to be butterflies, whose your parents? I know I've never seen you at all of our family gatherings.". Sky was about to answer but the small demon girl piped in first, not very scared of Luna potentially shooting a spell at her, "Well....I'm the daughter of Queen Star and King Thomas Butterfly....". Sky tensed and judging by the other girls faces they were all processing similar thoughts. She couldn't help but think the small demon girl was taking this all a lot more calmly for someone who looked so young, sky would be just as terrified as she is now if she were her age, but the girl was acting oddly mature. "Bullhonky!", Celeste spat, "King Lucitor runs the underworld, and he isn't even married! I'd know for darn sure if my mom had some other kid with him, don't lie to us, no demon is apart of our family!". The small girl looked slightly hurt before regaining herself, but Luna chimed in before she could reply to Celeste's words. "Wait, your mom? I beg your pardon? Queen Star is my mother you liar.....", she glared around, "I don't know what kinda game you all are playing, but i'm not playing anymore with any of you, i don't know if this is a prank but it's not funny and i'm taking you guys in...". Her wand started to glow and Sky realized she had to do something before there was an all-out war in the garden's, luna focused her wand and started chanting a spell and before she could finish Sky blurted out a spell in rapid succession and fear. "BUBBLE PRISON BLAST!!" Her eyes were closed when flashes of light appeared in front of her, and it was a few seconds before she opened them carefully to see an amazing sight. All four other girls and their wands, frozen inside a large pink bubble prison, they didn't move and the bubble didn't break either. Sky looked to her wand then back at the bubble, both freaking out and proud of herself at the exact same time. She got the spell right!! Finally after all this time she it right! Except.....that joy kinda faded real fast when she was panicking on the inside about these random girls who popped in her garden. Four girls claiming to be her mom's kids was a pretty far-fetched and insane story, and in any normal case Sky would say they're crazy, but the cheekmarks, and the wands... She had to get them out of here, she must of done something odd with that spell, right? Or maybe she was dreaming and these girls were all characters she'd come up with? She pinched herself on the arm and jumped, guess that eliminated that option. Whatever this was though, it was from her wand, and it was bad news. She smacked the side of her head, she needed to get herself together! Think think! She needed to think of something, her bubble spell wasn't meant to last forever after all. "Princess sky?" Oh crap. Someone must have seen the blast and was coming to check on her! She needed to think fast, there was no way she'd be able to explain anything like this! She pulled out his scissors fro her vest's pocket and immediately made a portal to her bedroom before attempting to push the bubble inside, "Please don't pop, please don't pop....". It was only partially in when she noticed the portal was too small to fit in a large bubble of four frozen girls and their wands. She momentarily panicked and grabbed her scissors before attempting to climb on the bubble. She could hear someone wandering closer, "C'mon c'mon....". She pushed herself up on top of it, flat on her chest and reached out to the tip of the portal with her scissors. "Just a little closer...", she gritted her teeth as she reached and felt herself gasp in relief as soon as she snagged the end and cut the portal open even bigger before falling off and squeezing the bubble inside. "Sky?", she froze, before turning around to see one of her servants staring back at her and the open portal,"Princess, is everything ok?". She turned around "Er.....yeah! Sorry, was just...working on magic, must of er....went a little crazy there. I-I'm just....i'm heading back to my room now, cool? Ok!", She turned around but then the servant called out again. "Are you sure? You look....troubled?". "Nah nah nah, i-i'm good!", She gave him two thumbs, "Nothing to worry about, i-i'll just be in bed, er.....tell my moms i'm good k?" She gave him a fake smile and proceeded to head inside the portal, closing it behind her as fast as possible and staring at the bubble prison inside her bedroom. Ok, so she made it to her bedroom, that was a start at least, but now what? She didn't even know who these girls truly were and no doubt her mom would freak. She quickly pulled out her compact, she needed to call someone, looking down the line of names only two people could help her in a rough situation like this. She went over the list of names till she found who she was looking for. Judas and Melaine. - Judas woke up abruptly and on instinct he checked his right arm, but it looked ok. Rubbing his eyes and yawning, his hearing grabbed his attention towards his ringing compact on his nightstand. Grumbling, he picked it up to see who was calling. Sky Really? At 10 pm? Then again, he did say she should call him later..... He sat up and answered the call quickly, "Sky?". Her voice sounded panicked, "Judas! Oh good, you're awake!". He grumbled to himself, "Well, I am now......sky, I know i told you to call me later, but you do know a lot of us are sleeping right now, right?". She grumbled, "Yeah yeah, i'm sorry, I just REALLY need to talk to you right now-". "Sky, are you worried I'm upset? I'm alright.....me and Nora actually just hung out for the rest of the ball, I mean...it's not to say i didn't miss you I-", He kept on rambling until her heard sky interrupt him in a panic,"Judas sorry, but I really don't care right now, something weird just happened and you have to come over right now!" He blinked, "In the middle of the night? Sky, what happened?". He started to sound concerned, although Sky never liked it, in most cases she went to her mothers on most issues she had unless it was so bad they couldn't know, if she was calling him about something, this must be serious. "I-I....I don't know exactly...", She answered, panicked, "My wand went all weird and it exploded kinda and then....Judas you have to see it for yourself!! I'm sorry, and i'll owe you but i need you to head over right now ok? PLEASE!?". The panic in her voice was all it took for the demon to nod, "Ok, i'll be there in a minute, see you soon!". She gave a weak smile and hung out on her end, and judas hung his legs off the side of the bed before standing up and grabbing one of his jackets.  Sky and him were friends after all, he could go in his pjs if he wanted to, that and he was dreading the idea of changing. He let out and yawn and then a sigh, snapping his fingers as a heap of fire surrounded him and he found himself in the princess's bedroom. He rubbed his eyes and let out another yawn, "Sky, is everything alright? What happe-", the boy stopped talking as he saw the sight before him. Sky was sitting on her, bed, with her friend Melanie at her side. Judas was all too familiar with Melanie, she was Sky's pen pal from earth, and Sky constantly asked her for advice on all kinds of stupid stuff, and now here she was once again to shed her weird input on...whatever judas was looking at. Melaine was also in her pjs, an alien shirt and sweatpants, so she must have been called just recently as well. She had dark skin, brown eyes, dark brown curly hair with a golden streak on one side, and glasses. she also didn't look entirely pleased to see judas but that was expected by this point. Not that Judas was looking at her much anyway, as all of his eyes were transfixed on the giant bubble prison and it's prisoners floating in the middle of the room like a display. When judas was usually called for help, it was because of Sky doing something embarrassing or even potentially illegal....this.....looked like an entirely different boat. "Uh....Sky....What....uh....what?" He carefully touched the bubble prison in curiosity, "Sky, is this your bubble prison? Wow....you...uh..". The girl sighed, "Only when i panic do i ever seen to do anything right.....", Judas looked a little confused and she rubbed the back of her head, "They were about to attack each other, i had to do something!". He stared further into the bubble taking note of their cheekmarks and what seems to be wands within their hands," Sky....who are they?". Melainie piped up, "Well, they're clearly alien shapeshifters...obviously! They all claimed to be the princess of mewni so they're clearly delusional and were posing as butterflies to get inside the castle!". Judas raised an eyebrow and Sky corrected Mel, "Yeah...well..they did all claim to be the real princess of mewni, and they all have working wands.....I don't know if they're shapeshifters, the whole situation was a little too weird....". Judas didn't seem to entirely be following, "Wait so.....all of these girls, claimed to be the princess of mewni, almost attacked you and-....ok.". "Jude...what's with the face...?", Sky said, "I'm being serious! and even weirder? one of them claimed to be your dad's kid too!". The demon prince took another look at the frozen girls to catch a glimpse of Sunny before stepping back, "Oh c'mon that's....ridiculous....Sky, look, i'm sure it's something your mom could handle." "Oh yeah, just explain that my wand exploded and four girls popped out, that'll work!", she said sarcastically, much to Melaine's delight. The demon grumbled, "Well what are we supposed to do sky? What exactly did you call us for!?" "Well i called mel because she knows the answer to everything, duh!", The girl nodded, "I've got school tomorrow and I don't even care, I'm going to be looking into this ALL night! Hmm, hey Sky did any of these girls show signs of mutation, any irregularities?" "Well I-", Judas grabbed Sky's arm and looked towards Melanie, "Pardon, i'm gonna borrow the princess for a bit...". Mel didn't hid her disappointment, but muttered out a "Fine" as she grabbed her notebook to start theorizing. The demon dragged Sky out of earshot to whisper to her, "Sky, start from the beginning....what happened?". She shrugged, "i dunno i was just playing around with Eclipsa's spells and my wand acted up and then they just popped into the gardens and pointed wands at each other! They were all claiming to be my mom's kid and we were about to end up in a fight and I stopped them!". "That's....huh....", He glanced over at the bubble, "And you don't know them as part of your family?". She shook her head,"Of course not! I haven't seen them before in my life and i'd sure member them If i had..". He kpet on asking, "Well, what about from Eclispa? I mean she's not your grandma by blood but she's still considered part of your family! maybe they're from-". Sky held out your hand, "Nope, stopping you there, they claimed to be my mom's kid...like EXACTLY my mom". "Ok, well....", He started before she interrupted, "And they even have wands jude! I mean maybe they could be normal mewmans but that doesn't explain where they suddenly got wands! Wands aren't items that are just lying around like this dude!". "Well what do you think they are Skyler?", She cringed at him using her full name, "I dunno...maybe i birthed them from my wand or something....". The demon twisted in disgust, "Sky, i don't think that's how wands work....at least i sure hope they don't work that way..." "Well, I was born by magic so.." "Yes and you hatched from an Egg, i saw it ,and it scarred me for life....", Judas crossed his arms, "But that was entirely different magic and that doesn't make any sense here, wouldn't they be calling you their mom if that were the case?". Sky shrugged, "I dunno Jude, I'm just confused about all of this, but i need to figure something out because that bubble doesn't last forever and i can't have them run around here!" "Well, maybe then we pop the bubble!", he suggested. "Wait what now?" "We pop the bubble, and ask them some questions...", he repeated, "Look, The only way we're gonna get answers to what's going on is through them. You don't know who they are, and i sure don't know who they are, but we're not getting anywhere by sitting here and guessing." "Jude, they're claiming to be the princess of mewni, and my sisters, what else are they gonna tell us!? They're convinced they're who they say they are they they almost attacked each other....besides...", she glanced towards the frozen celeste, "I'm not exactly eager to talk to them again...". "Well, then we'll keep them here and convince them! I mean.....if you say one of them thinks my dad is their dad then.....how would I be here...right? They wouldn't know about me at all!", sky bit her lip, "Well, i guess that's true....and i mean...". She stood up and walked over to her mirror taking off a picture of her and her mothers she had taped on it, "If they are who they say they are then this picture wouldn't make much sense either...." "See, we'll just....we'll convince them...", Melaine looked up from her note taking to observe the duo who were no longer having a private conversation, "So what's the plan you both seem to be leaving me out of? I'm between thinking they're shapeshifters.....or your mom's secret daughters..." The latter suggestion made Sky turn red, "MEL?! What the hecky heck!?". The human smiled meekly, "Well, i mean they do think they're your sisters...and....it's kinda hard to deny they look like you....a little..". The girl crossed her arms and tapped her foot, "Mel, no they look nothing like me, Judas, do they look like me?". The demon walked up to the bubble to stare into it, "Well i mean, that one shares your blue eyes, and those two have similar noses, and that one has a similar hairline....". Sky gave him a look, not entirely fond of his answers, he backed away and held out his hands, "Hey, you asked....". Mel fixed her glasses, "Look, maybe your mom just kinda....eh..". Sky made a face, "Oh right, and where'd the wands come from then?", Mel shrugged then took a moment to think. "Maybe your mom banished them off to another dimension and they built their owns wands and now they're here to take back their place on the throne!? Actually wait, i think that was a plot of a show I watched, and they ended up all dead at the end so maybe that's not the best one to base it off of...". Sky groaned and looked at Judas, "Alright, fine, we'll pop the bubble and question them, this is getting us nowhere and i really don't wanna think my mom was wandering off with your dad or something anymore....". The girl took a good look at the bubble, and the wands of each of the girls floating around inside of it. "What about the wands though? They almost attacked each other Jude! we can't just let them have their wands back!" He thought for a moment, "I'll take care of it, you pop the bubble and i'll move it away from them.... with my telekinesis, sound like a plan?". Sky was about the answer when the girl still sitting on the bed raised her hand, "What about me?!". "Oh uh....you'll be our note taker!...i mean, you did come prepared..". Melaine seemed a little dissatisfied she wouldn't be physically helping, but she took in nonetheless, Sky stepped back with her wand and Judas followed suit, holding out his arms,  "Jude, just for the record, if these girls escape or go nuts....i'm blaming you...". Sky could hear herself pleading for the spell to work as she aimed her wand at the bubble and muttered, "Unlock" under her breath. The bubble popped and all the girls fell on the floor and before any of them could react each and every wand flew back behind the demon prince and out of their grasps. They all sat up, all in pain and confused about how they got there once again that day. Luna, whose leg was clearly still bad, finally caught up with the world around her and before she could say anything or stand up she saw she wasn't alone. She looked at Judas, glaring at him up and down before looking to Sky, "W-what....whose this? What did you do?!". Celeste, Sunny and Galexia followed suit, blinking at the strange boy before noticing they were in someone's bedroom and not in the gardens anymore. "I only moved you!", Sky said quickly, "You guys were about to fight each other!" Luna lunged at her before falling back over, "Ugh, if my leg wasn't killing me right now you'd be so doomed....". Judas kept his hands out, "Look, we just want to talk! Can't we just all sort this out? Without wands?", she glared at him, "And who are you to talk to me like that?". "Prince...er...Judas Lucitor Diaz.....of the Underworld!", Sunny and Celeste exchanged curious looks as the white-blonde girl dimmed her eyes, "King Thomas has no children, what in glob name's is even going on tonight!?". Judas flickered his head at Sky and she threw the photo she held onto the ground in front of them,"Look, i don't know who you girls are...but the world you think you're living in....doesn't exist..." Luna snatched it, "What....", The other girls crowded around in curiosity of the picture, of sky and her mothers, and looked up at her in odd curiosity rather then anger. Galexia however, seemed rather happy despite her circumstances, and she took the photo from Luna with no issue at all. Sky nodded to Judas, "He's....king Thomas and Queen Marco's kid, look for yourselves, he looks enough like them...". Judas felt all eyes on him for a brief moment," I'm sure you're all kinda freaked out but....we....you're not home.". The girls stared at the picture of the obvious crowned queens only to notice more pictures of Sky's parents littered on her mirror and closet, they barely moved, didn't try to protest, this wasn't anything easy to fight back against. "Whoa.....what kinda trippy world is this?", She was still smiling, "I've had some weird dreams before but this sure takes the cake! ". Judas side-eyed Sky and she made a small cough, "Welll er...Galexia? Hate to break it to you....but....you're not sleeping...". She narrowed her eyes and pointed to Sky, "That's just what a dream person i made up would say!". Before the brunette could further explain Celeste stood up, "Ok, enough of this garbage! We're all just sitting here and letting these two losers hold us hostage, they freaking have our wands back there!! Or well, they have MY wand back there!!" She marched froward but before she could do much the small demon girl stood between her and Sky, "Wait! But the photos!! We-". Celeste towered over Sunny, "I'm not letting these chumps hold me hostage, i'll take them with my own two hands if I have to...I don't know what kinda warped reality i'm in but-". "That's it!!" Everyone turned their heads to Melanie, almost forgetting she was there, she erased the page on her sketchbook, "They're all from different warped realities!! They all just popped in right? So they must has transferred from another reality!". "Another reality?" "Well, it's the only way for all of your stories to make sense..", she shrugged, Though i still think the shapshifter one could still work...". Sky turned towards the girls, "Look, i don't want to hurt any of you....i don't know where you're from or much about you...but we're getting nowhere attacking each other ok?! Wherever you're from....it's not here.....". Celeste grumbled, but backed up, "Fine.....maybe there is something wrong here, especially since i remember this room being vacant before and it looks....lived in....". Sunny breathed easier, and a smile was placed upon her face, she turned around to Judas, "So wait, if this is another reality? And you're the underworld prince....does that make you like...my brother?". "Uhhh....". "But this doesn't make sense!", Luna protested,"Another reality? How could i end up in another reality!?" "Do you wanna ask again or do you want us to help with your leg?", Judas almost yelled, he was becoming impatient with Luna, "Look, we don't want to hurt you...just....can we all just....get along? So sky can put her wand down?". They exchanged looks and Luna scuffed, "Fine.....you can put the wand down, only because if you wanted to hurt me you would've done it while i was frozen or whatever you did to me...". Sky slowly started putting her wand down,  and Judas ran over to help the hurt girl up, moving her over to the bed to help her lie down. "How bad is it?", he asked carefully. "It's just a sprain...", she sighed in relief of the soft mattress, "I've gotten them plenty of times before don't worry, but if you were really to attack me this would be the worst time for me to have one." Melanie was hastily scribbling down in her notebook everything coming from each of the girls mouths as Sky pointed to Sunny. "So...ok.....Thomas and Star?", She nodded, and Sky couldn't help but feel a little more weird about Judas's presence. Then she pointed to Celsete and looked her over, noticing her chocolate brown eyes and face shape, "Marco and Star?". The girl snorted at her and turned her head, "Don't get that close to my face again alright.....? And what the heck makes you think you know who my dad is?". Sky made a face, "You just kinda look like Judas....it was a wild guess...". Judas turned his head, "Wait what?". Sky promptly ignored him and looked at Galexia, "Uhhhh.....I-I uh.....you...don't remind me of anyone I know?". Galexia blinked at her, "Aww c'mon now, why would my dream friends not know who my family is? Wait, is this a game?". "Uh....sure? You tell me your parents and I uh...guess which ones the closest....to you...", Sky could hear her voice growing lower and lower and her brain seemed to stop connecting with her mouth. The girl blinked again, "That kinda sounds like a boring game...". "Look, i just want to know who your parents are!" "Well isn't it obvious?", she looked around to all the confused facing before sighing and uncovering her other eye, with both eyes revealed everyone could see a beautiful green that almost look mesmerizing. Then it hit sky and her wierded out meter hit a new all time high. "Oskar.....isn't it?" The girl beamed happily. Sky whipped around to Luna but she crossed her arms, "Jackie, my mom's name is Jackie, i'm just laying it out there so we don't waste more time on this...". Melane scribbled down everything, "This is so cool yet weird at the same time, ask em more questions sky!". "No..",Celeste said, "Look, i have no idea what's going on but if i'm in some weirdo alternate reality i'd rather go back to my own reality as soon as possible please?". This caused sky to bite her lip, "Well....i dunno if we can do that....I-I don't even know how you guys got here in the first place...". That was not the correct response the girl wanted to hear. "No no no no no....i didn't do squat to end up here, I am not staying in this weirdo universe with you guys....get me home, now!", The girl put her foot down and Sky furrowed her brows, "Look, there's nothing i can do! You sure it wasn't any of you!?" "Don't you think if it was any of us, we'd know how to get ourselves out of this situation?", She shot back, Sky was about fed up when Judas grabbed her shoulder. "Look, We're not getting anywhere by bickering about this, at this rate the whole castle will hear us!". This seemed to shut the girls up, they huffed and the boy continued, "Look, it's in the middle of the night! We're gonna have to save this for morning, it's clear we can't work together on whatever is happening here and we have no idea what's going on. I say we rest on it, and figure this out tomorrow, i'm sure we can get Omni to sort this o-". Sky raced forward to cover the demon's lips, "No dude, we can't get the high commission involved! Those dudes are shady as heck! Not to mention how much trouble i'll be in for somehow manipulating alternate universes and putting them off balance!". "Well, he's going to find out if these girls really are from alternate realities!", the demon sighed, calming himself down, "Their absence will put the universe off balance, and he'll track them down here and right to you, either we go to him tomorrow and explain...or worse...." Sky didn't want to admit he had a point, and the rest of the girls seemed to be thinking the same way, making Sky wonder what they knew about the commission. "Ok fine, look, we'll sleep tonight, and then i'll try to figure out what's wrong tomorrow......and if we have to...", Sky closed her eyes reluctantly, "i'll....talk to the high commission....alright?". He looked satisfied with that answer, but Sky held out her hand, "But on one condition....you take two of them in tonight...". Melaine could be heard giggling and the other girls were exchanging looks, Judas blushed and raised en eyebrow. "Say what now? Sky, i'm not taking these girls home, my parents are gonna ask me who they are and....I hate lying to them...", his voice grew more somber and Sky bit her lip. "Judas....please? Look, it's only for one night, and keeping them all here raises too much suspicion....", She was giving him those eyes and he grumbled at her, "Look, they need a place to crash for the night and this allows both of us to keep an eye on them, i can't keep track of four girls jude! Please, just one night?". He let out a large sigh, "Fine, I'll take them in for one night, but what are we even gonna tell our parents? They're bound to wonder who they are!". Luna coughed, "Pardon, as you two seem to be forgetting about how we feel about this arrangement? We're not toys for you to move around whose to say you or someone else won't hurt us?". "Look, do you have a better idea? You're not home and you have nowhere to go! It's the middle of the night and we don't even know where to start to fix whatever this is! So if you have any idea kindly tell us please?", Sky asked r,he but Luna didn't answer. Neither did the rest of the girls. "Look, I know tonight's been...odd, but just keep quiet about it and we'll make sure you get home no problem! You guys can handle one night right?". They looked at each other before Sunny raised her hand, "I can...just for one night.". Galexia followed, "Sure, i'll go along with this, sounds cool!", and celeste rolled her eyes at the green-eyes gal. Luna huffed, "Fine, but only because I don't have much of a choice....". Celsete sighed, "Whatever, fine....just get me home tomorrow kapeesh?" "Look, if anyone says anything...", Sky started, "Just say you're part of my extended family and you're here for a visit.....and if you're with Jude tonight, just say the same thing but that Judas offered them a room there, they'll buy it trust me.". "No, they won't", the older demon replied, "my parents sure won't buy it, maybe your moms might take it since your family is so big it's possible they hadn't heard of these gals, but me taking in people that are your family? They're gonna ask your moms, they're gonna be so confused...just...no...".. She gave him a look, "Well genius! You got a better cover for them?". "Then we'll just mind erase them!", they turned around to see Luna, "Or hide our marks, look it's been a long night already finding out i'm not technically home, both of you just shut up and take us to where we're staying. And give us back our wands while you're at it!". Sky froze, and Luna rolled her eyes, "Look, i dunno about the rest of these girls, but you're not babysitting me, you want me to keep out of sight in return to get me home? Fine. But I can take care of myself and I don't need you two to do anything else other then help me get home, Got that?" "Fine..." Sky turned towards the girls, "Since ....Luna's hurt, she can stay here...and Sunny i suppose is better well hidden with you....so that leaves...". She looked between he two brunettes, and Celeste growled, "We're not objects you know?". Sky grumbled and hit her friend's arm, "Alright fine, Judas, you take her...i'll take.....lexi". "Wait what?", He gave her a look, as if his best friend pretty much gave him an unwanted present. "One night Jude.....just one...", she teased, and he sighed, "Alright fine, but they're not staying in my room, and as soon as I wake up i'm taking them back to you and we're never speaking of this again.". Melanie spoke up, "So...you guys gonna give them their wands or not? Cause i woudln't mind having one-." "Mel, no...." , she said quickly before staring at the wands and looking back on all the girls in hesitation. She did promise them their wands back, but there was no telling what they could so with those wands behing her back after they almost attacked each other earlier. Celeste coughed, "Look, you're clearly doing this cause you both don't trust as at all, and you wanna "Keep an eye on us", but like we got anywhere to go to begin with! My Dad's probably worried freaking sick about me right now and i'd rather be there then in his crummy world with all of you weirdos..." Mentally Judas promised himself to get Sky back for sticking him with this one. The bluenette sighed, "fine, go grab your wands....", she got out of the wand ans Judas followed. He kept a close eye on each of the girls as they picked out each other theirs wands, Melaine being nice enough to give Luna's to her, only after admiring it for too long. They didn't say a spell, nor did their wands glow, so at least that made Sky a little easier about them. Sunny walked up to Judas, she clearly was terrified but a smile remained on her face. She seemed between wonder and utter fear, in a room full of strangers and far away from her real home, but she gave Judas a trusting look and Celeste walked up behind her. "Just call me if you have any...issues?", He said back to sky, before snapping his fingers and vanishing with the other two girls in a pile of flames. This left Sky, Melaine, Galexia, and Luna together in Sky's bedroom, and Melaine almost looked like she was about to burst with eagerness now that Judas was gone. "This is soooo coool, finally! I get to be part of one of your cool adventures!", She stood up, "I better get to bed before my mom freaks out but i'm totally gonna research multiverses and other worlds and MMm what if your wand is a time machine?" Galexia spoke up before Sky could say anything, "A time machine!? Oh man i hope so! Wait, can't I just turn my wand into a time machine? This is my weird dream after all...". The limp girl rolled her eyes, "This is not a dream, take this seriously, you can't really think you'd dream all this up." "I have very strange dreams....", she replied softly. Sky cut Melanie a portal home, "Just let me know if you figure something out, Jude's like good with being reasonable...sorta, but you know more about weird stuff I've never heard about...and I don't think I can explain this myself....". The girl's brown eyes glistened before giving her a mock salute, "I won't let you down chief!", before running into the portal back home. The two strange girls watched her leave and looked to Sky, Galexia in curiosity and Luna in something between anger and distrust. Sky gulped, maybe she should've taken the cranky girl with the teardrop marks instead, even with a bad leg this one felt like she might spring any second. Luna pointed her hand at Sky, "Ok let's be clear here, I'm not sure where I am, and i don't trust you, or either of your strange friends. But i'm not quite in the best shape and i'm clearly not home, and whether I like it or not i'll do nothing good escaping when this whole thing happened because of your wand. I'm staying the night, simply because i have no choice if I want to go home. You better not touch my Wand, or me for that matter, and you will knock on my door before entering, you got that?" Sky grumbled, "Fine, c'mon, you and....Galexia can share a room...". "Wait what?". Sky opened her door gently to a room across from it," That's one of the guest rooms, it's big enough for both of you. You're still hurt and you outta have someone with you...". Luna waved her hands out in front of her, "No!  I'm not bunking with.....", She eyes the girl poking her lantern on the floor, "Her..". "Look, it's been a long night for everyone, you really think SHE is gonna do anything to you..?" Luna closed her eyes and made a move off the bed, a happy Galexia trailing her, as she limped her way, ignoring help to the door Sky was talking about, "Point taken...". Galexia looked back on Sky before smiling and closing the door. "Goodnight magical sister!" Sky watched their door shut behind them and almost felt herself fall to the floor before staring at her wand. The culprit. "You know what....i think i was right, this IS the weirdest and worst day of my life..."

[sleemo]

Daisy Ridley on finding fame, Star Wars and her love for washing powder

Stylist discovers how Daisy Ridley, London-born star of the biggest movie franchise in the world, became a force to be reckoned with — Stylist Magazine

Daisy Ridley is talking about her favourite washing powder.

“It has got to be Fairy Non-Bio, for sensitive skin. A little touch of fabric conditioner,” she tells me, happily. “God, I love washing my clothes.” Not the conversation I imagined as I flew to LA to hang out with the protagonist of the biggest movie franchise in the galaxy ahead of the anticipated arrival of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. But I’m happy to be immersed in it. The conversation sums up the actress: a normal 25-year-old woman thrust into an extraordinary world. A woman who’s a bit jittery from drinking strong coffee, she confesses.

The Last Jedi is steeped in secrecy. All Ridley can do is reassure me that “the question everyone is asking will be answered” (she is referring to the parentage of Rey, her Star Wars character). But what we do know is this: Ridley will be front and centre again.

The Force Awakens (2015) saw Rey, an orphan and scavenger on a desert planet, discover the Force and fight the First Order. The Last Jedi sees the young warrior develop her Jedi powers, with guidance from Luke Skywalker, and continue to seek her place in the world.

Rey was – is – important because she is not defined by the men around her. She is a talented pilot and combatant. She has been granted proper protagonist status; not just a cipher for plot development. Her costume is one she can move in. She is a survivor. There was an outcry – and a hashtag, #wheresrey – last year over the lack of female characters in the just-released Star Wars merchandise, which has since been addressed – but it is a sign that progress can be slow. Coincidentally, it’s the first time Ridley has seen the Rey mug we took to LA for our shoot.

In Princess Leia, played so powerfully by Carrie Fisher, Ridley had the ultimate beacon of how to be a woman in this world and the importance of inspiring a new generation. Fisher filmed The Last Jedi before her untimely passing in December 2016. Ridley says she offered her advice on dating (“You don’t want to give people the ability to say, ‘I had sex with Princess Leia’”) and fame, telling her to enjoy rather than shrink from success.

Whether Ridley has been able to take the latter on board… well, I can’t call it. “I found the hardest thing was everyone saying, ‘Your life’s going to change’,” says the actress, who grew up in London with two sisters and is still based in the capital. “So many people were telling me this thing was going to happen, then the thing happened and that didn’t happen. I go on the Tube, I’m not harassed all the time. People are super-cool.” But equally as we talk it becomes clear Ridley is in awe of the magnitude of the franchise, and is open about her fear of measuring up to the legacy.

Hardly surprising when you consider that The Force Awakens, the third-highest-grossing film of all time (after Avatar and Titanic), was Ridley’s second film role – the first was a student film – and before that she held bit parts in British TV dramas. This year also saw her join the all-star cast of Murder On The Orient Express, and next year will be equally dramatic with Ophelia – a retelling of Hamlet from the perspective of Polonius’s daughter. There’s more Star Wars to come, and Chaos Walking, a book adaptation about a dystopian world without women. Exciting, but perhaps not as much as putting a wash on.

What are the techniques you use when you feel like that?

I usually tell myself that I need to go through the thing. Don’t shy away from it. Definitely talk about it. Also just sleep. If something is overwhelming, I nap. If I have an emotional day, I’ll fall asleep when I get home. That’s how I process things. I can go to my trailer and fall asleep for five minutes, then get up again. It’s a good skill to have. I’d put it on my CV.

What other skills would you put on your CV? And when was the last time you had to write one?

Two and a half, three years ago… I’m an all right communicator. Pretty organised. Good phone manner. Can prioritise. Good at admin.

You’re hired. You quit Instagram last year. Has that freed up mental space?

It has made me feel like I wasn’t indebted to anyone. Suddenly I felt, ‘Oh, that must have been quite stressful, because now it is not that stressful any more being off it.’ I had a private one that I came off too, and that was much more freeing. People were saying, “But I like seeing what you’re doing.” I’d say, “Well, we can message or call each other.”

You talked openly about suffering from endometriosis on Instagram – was that a good platform to share that issue?

Periods are still not fully talked about; I thought it wasn’t a big deal. I know a lot of people who have really, really bad periods. I don’t understand why you aren’t referred to someone; you shouldn’t be doubled over in pain all the time. It felt nice to say. But ultimately, people [on social media] weren’t very nice and I thought, ‘I can’t be bothered.’

Why do we still have a taboo around periods?

I don’t know! You can have 300 people die in a film with blood everywhere, yet you can’t have period blood. It would be a 15 or an 18 [-rated film]. It’s stupid.

You have spent huge swathes of the year travelling and filming. What do you like to get up to when you’re in London?

I do my washing and sit on my sofa watching Netflix.

People may be surprised to know the protagonist of Star Wars does her own washing…

[Looks shocked] I don’t know anyone who doesn’t do their own washing. Washing is one of my favourite things. I’m a 30-degreeer. I literally wear clothes once and then they go in the wash. I think, ‘If I’m going to wash clothes this much, at least I will do it at just 30 degrees.’

To what extent do you try to live in an environmentally conscious way?

I hate how much plastic there is in America – and actually also in Prague, where I was just filming for two months. I watched an advert for [documentary] A Plastic Ocean and I thought, ‘S**t, this is gross.’ I try to use lower temperatures, I don’t use a dishwasher and I drive an electric car. I’ve always been fairly conscious. We’ve recycled since I can remember.

Are you vegetarian?

I don’t eat dairy, meat or eggs, but this only happened a few months ago as I watched Carnage, Simon Amstell’s film [a mockumentary on veganism]. And I was horrified. Initially I cut out everything and then thought, ‘I cannot survive without something’, so I eat fish. I was genuinely ignorant as to what went on. I didn’t know how dairy farming was done or what they did to male chicks, and I was so horrified by what I saw. Then I listened to his [Simon Amstell’s] podcast with Russell Brand, on which he said one of his friends was like, “Ugh, what is cashew cheese?” and he said, “Well, what is cheese cheese? What are you putting in your body?”

You’re studying for a degree in social sciences. What was the motivation? As a back-up in case this didn’t happen, or to expand your mind?

Not as a back-up. There’s something, mentally speaking, about having a back-up that’s not good. It’s to expand my mind, and I always wanted to have a BA. It’s an Open University course. One of the most interesting things I’ve learned is about social displacement. It usually happens when people don’t have much money and they’re treated very disposably. It feels like we’re going backwards. It doesn’t feel like all for one and one for all at the moment. The people who have more are able to get more. And then there are still people who are dying because they can’t afford to eat or have heating in England, which is horrific.

Did you grow up in a world where there was a great awareness of social injustices?

My mum and dad are super-smart, and so I was always aware of what was going on. My group of friends are all going through it together and everyone is becoming more interested, because it seems like everything is slightly more accessible. With Jeremy Corbyn, people are like, “Oh my god [a different type of politician]!” And regardless of whether people think he’s right or wrong, it’s amazing to see grime artists saying they support this guy. And to feel young people are engaged in something. It’s awesome to be part of that time and group of people.

It feels as though in 2017 there’s been a tangible mix of despair, but also hope because people have been coming together…

I remember talking to someone who I was working with the morning after the election and the announcement that the Conservatives were still in [power]. They said, “I hope that doesn’t mean people are going to stop talking about what’s going on.” But that’s the attitude that means people will stop talking about it. All you have to do is keep thinking the conversation will carry on and it will carry on. It seems hopeful, yes, but also despairing, because no matter the hope, these awful things that people haven’t asked for are still happening, and in a democracy that seems awful.

What do you think 25-year-olds are most worried about?

In London, rents are insanely high, so that’s one thing friends my age struggle with. The living wage, zero-hour contracts… but also having people in charge who do not listen to those who need it most.

You’ve been described as a bookworm. What is the book you’ve been most enchanted by of late?

I was recently harping on about Grief Is The Thing With Feathers by Max Porter, which is amazing. I’m reading Tenant Of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë now, which is brilliant. I’m trying to get through  the classics – my mum gave me a list of them. I intercut them with chick lit or modern fiction. Reading has always been my thing. Last night I was doing a film quiz with a friend and her boyfriend, who is a film buff. My film knowledge is really poor because I read and didn’t watch films. He was asking me questions and I had no idea [what the answers were].

Is there a book that you would like to star in the adaptation of?

I’m adapting something now. I bought the rights, and a production company is writing it to be a series. It sounds far more serious when I say it out loud. It’s funny, these conversations when you’re like, “Sure, sure, it’ll never happen.” And then [it actually happens].

Will you star in it?

I know not. It depends when it’s is ready, and there are many things that don’t get to fruition. But it’s very exciting. John [Boyega, her Star Wars co-star] was saying last night he’s in the middle of adapting something, too. If people feel like their voices aren’t being heard, they can be the person to get their voice heard – and that’s a wonderful thing to be able to do.

You appeared on My Dad Wrote A Porno – Footnotes. What other podcasts do you listen to?

I listened to Serial and S-Town, which were good, but at the end I thought, ‘I don’t know quite what I’m going to take from this…’ I wanted to know who had been at fault. It was just awfully sad and so unexpected.

You mention that you didn’t enjoy watching yourself in Star Wars. Do you generally enjoy going to the cinema?

What I don’t like is people asking me questions or talking during films. The other day, I had to tell a group of guys [in the cinema] to put their phones away! And I went to see Cinderella at the Odeon and someone sat in front of me answered a phone call. I literally couldn’t believe it! Also, it was at the Odeon in Leicester Square – those tickets are so expensive. It was about £20.

If you were with your mum watching Star Wars: The Last Jedi, how would you react if she asked you a question?

None of my family ask questions [laughs]. I went to see a film with my friend once and she talked all the way through. I was fuming. Why would you ruin that? I like to concentrate. I’m trying to be better at not looking at my phone while I’m doing other things, as it is just too much for your brain. RuPaul’s Drag Race? I’m all there. The Graham Norton Show? I’m there. What’s the point in watching anything if you’re not going to concentrate on it? What is the point in doing something if you’re not going to do it properly?

Star Wars: The Last Jedi is in UK cinemas from 14 December.

Images: Rex Features / Photography: Eric Ray Davidson 

— Stylist Magazine

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior Home Edition 8/14/20 – SPUTNIK, THE SILENCING, FREELAND, SPREE, THE BAY OF SILENCE

Another week, another batch of movies to get through in hopes there’s one or two worth writing about… and then writing about all of them anyway. (Sigh). I hope there are people reading this, at least. If so, go to the bottom of this column and drop me a line!

Before I get to this week’s movies, I want to give a special congratulatory shout-out to the wonderful Melanie Addington, because this is the final week of the 17th annual Oxford Film Festival. I have to say as someone who regularly covers a couple other bigger festivals, she’s done such an amazing job pivoting to the virtual world, to the point where what usually is a five-day very localized festival turned into a nationwide digital festival that’s been stretched out for 16 weeks! Those bigger festivals like SXSW and Tribeca could take a lesson from Oxford, because what usually are two highly-anticipated festivals every year became a whole lot of nothing thanks to COVID. It’s like they gave up, rolled over and just died. Oxford, meanwhile, has done Zoom QnAs with a lot of the filmmakers and casts from its films to help maintain the community feeling that makes the festival such a great destination for those in-the-know. (I haven’t even gotten into the amazing drive-in screenings or the year-round On Demand program they’ve been having over the past couple months.)

Anyway, OFF ends this week with the world-premiere of a movie that was supposed to open at SXSW, Mario Furlani and Kate McLean’s debut feature FREELAND, starring Krisha Fairchild from Trey Shults’ movie, Krisha. Freeland is a similarly strong indie r drama, this one starring Ms. Fairchild as Davi, a black market marijuana farmer in Humboldt County, Norther California, who sees her way of life changing when she’s forced to go legal after California legalizes marijuana. Instead, these changes might run her out of business. It’s a beautifully-shot (Furlani is also the cinematographer) character drama that spotlights Fairchild giving another memorable performance, surrounded by an equally excellent cast that includes Lily Gladstone from Certain Women. I hope a good distributor like IFC or Magnolia will scoop this up for release, as I think it’s an interesting look into the pot business from a unique perspective. I also think it could do VERY well at the Indie Spirits. You can watch Freeland for a couple more days (at least) with a QnA with cast and crew on Thursday night right here.

Also, check out the Eventive site for the final week line-up which includes a TON of shorts. (Be mindful, that some of the content, specifically The Offline Playlist, will only be watchable if you’re in Mississippi.)

Also starting this week on Thursday is the 5th Annual Dallas-based Women Texas Film Festival (aka WTxFF), also going virtual this year, which I don’t really know that much about, but it’s run by my friend, Justina Walford, and she generally knows her shit when it comes to movies. Its mission pledge is right there in the title, but all the movies in the festival have a woman in at least one creative role. You can check out the full list of movies playing here, although they are geoblocked to Texas unfortunately. The festival’s series of panels and QnAs, though, can be watched anywhere in the United States, and those should be good.  

Let’s get to the regular releases….

This week’s “Featured Flick” is Russian filmmaker Egor Abramenko’s SPUTNIK (IFC Midnight), a sci-fi thriller taking place in 1983 after an incident the Russian spaceship Orbit-4 that leaves one of the cosmonauts in detention after the death of his commander. Oksana Akinshina (who was in The Bourne Supremacy) plays Tatyana Klimova, a psychologist sent to study the surviving cosmonaut, Konstantin Veshnyakov (Pyotr Fyodorov), and she learns that he brought back something with him from space.

I was a little worried about this movie, only because the opening reminded me so much of my experience watching the original Russian film Solaris so many years ago. Its quizzical opening in space leads to Akinshina’s character being introduced in a way that’s so slow and talkie that I worried about what I should expect from the movie as a whole. Thankfully, about 20 minutes in, we meet the creature that’s seemingly come down from space inside the cosmonaut, and it immediately changes the very nature of the film.

I don’t want to spoil too much about why the movie gets so interesting, because it’s not non-stop creature kills, although the movie does get quite exciting every time this creature emerges, particularly when it’s being fed various Russian convicts. Even so, the film always remains fairly cerebral about the creature’s origins and its relationship to the cosmonaut, who abandoned a child before his fateful space accident.  Adding to the grey area about whether Tatyana should ally herself with Konstantin is her supervising officer, played by Fedor Bondarchuk, who clearly wants to use the creature as a weapon, knowing that both Konstantin and his “other” only trusts Tatyana, so they all need her.

Needless to say, the creature design is absolutely fantastic, and the comparisons this movie is going to get to Alien are quite apt, because the creature is on par with the xenomorph. I only wish I could see it better since it only comes out in the dark, and watching a movie that plays with light like this one does is just not conducive to watching on a laptop. (In fact, if you’re in a position to see Sputnik in a theater, even a drive-in, and you’re not averse to subtitles, I’d recommend going that route.)

Sputnik might fool you at first into expecting something in the vein of the original Solaris. In fact, it’s more in line with The Invisible Man, a creature feature that explores one man’s inner demons through the lens of science fiction. This probably would have been a better Venom movie than the one we actually got.

Jamie Lannister himself, Nicolaj Costar-Waldau stars in THE SILENCING (Saban Films) the English language debut of Belgian filmmaker Robin Pront (The Ardennes), a dark action-thriller set in the rural area of Echo Falls where a serial killer is hunting and killing young women and girls.

Robin Pront’s The Silencing is usually the type of movie I’d enjoy, if only I haven’t seen the exact same movie so many times before. I wasn’t sure whether it’s Costar-Waldau’s alcoholic hunter Rayburn Swanson, whose daughter disappeared years earlier, or it was cause of Annabelle Wallis, the town’s sheriff, Alice Gustafson, whose troubled brother Brooks (Hero Fiennes Tiffin) is caught up enough in the towns drug issues to act as the movie’s second-act red herring. Throw in the Native American aspect of the movie, and you’re right back at Taylor Sheridan’s Wind River, which was just a much better version of this movie all around.

Adding to the lack of originality is the fact that there are now so many television shows about serial killers, which is a shame since Pront’s previous film showed so much promise but also suffered from similar issues. Costar-Waldau gives a credible performance, maybe slightly better than Wallis, but we’ve seen this movie so many times before that even trying to throw in a twist or two goes awry since no one ever commits. The major plot twist about halfway in has an opportunity to change everything but instead, it’s negated mere minutes later.

Slow and grim, The Silencing suffers from being an overused genre that’s been done so much better before. It’s already been playing on DirecTV but will be in select theaters, On Demand and Digital this Friday.

Next up is the thriller THE BAY OF SILENCE (Vertical Entertainment), starring Claes Bang from The Square as Will, whose girlfriend and baby momma Rosalind (Olga Kurylenko) vanishes with their twin daughters and baby son, and her father Milton (Brian Cox) seems to know more than he’s telling.  The film is written and produced by British actor Caroline Goodall (who has a small role in this one), adapted from Lisa St. Aubin de Teran's 1986 novel and directed by Dutch filmmaker Paula van der Oest, who has made some decent films like Black Butterflies and the Oscar-nominated Zus & Zo.

We meet Will and Ros as they’re having a romantic moment in the titular bay in Luguria, Italy, and after a few odd occurrences, Ros vanishes with her twin girls and the baby boy they had together. It doesn’t take long for Will to find her, but she seems to have gone insane, and Will needs to find out what happened.

Honestly, it’s not worth getting too deep into this movie’s plot, not so much due to spoilers, but more because there are just so many WTF moments that happen out of the blue, and then the next moment they’re forgotten. For whatever reason, the movie just doesn’t allow any of the tension or mystery to build, and even the most horrificly grim plot turn is handled so matter-of-factly.

There’s no question that van der Oest is a fine filmmaker, something you can tell from the general look of the movie, but the pacing and tons is generally all over the place as nothing happens and then a LOT happens. Bang’s decent performance is countered by a lot of overacting from Kulryenko, and while Cox plays a much bigger role in the story than you might expect, his scenes do very little to elevate the film’s plodding tone.

The Bay of Silence is a highly uneven and bland thriller that tries to offer a twist a minute with very of them ever really connecting, instead feeling grim and tedious and like a lot of wasted potential. Oddly, it feels more original than The Silencing above but just doesn’t come together even as well.

Where do I even begin with Eugene Kotlyarenko’s SPREE (RLJE Films) except that it stars Stranger Thing’s Joe Keery as Kurt Kunkle “of Kunkle’s World,” a social media vlog where he tries to get viewer’s attention and likes. He finally decides to go on a killing spree (get it?) while picking up passengers in his car ride service Spree (see?), until he encounters a stand-up comic (Sasheer Zamata) who fights back.

Listen, I understand fine why a movie like Spree might get made, since it’s meant to be relevant to the youngsters, who are much like Kurt, totally obsessed with their own social media and getting attention. The idea of some kid becoming a serial killer just to draw more attention to himself is not exactly incredible. I found Kurt so annoying that I didn’t think I would ever be able to have any empathy for him, and I was right.

We basically watch Kurt driving around and killing various people, most of them pretty horrible, granted, but Keery comes off more like a bargain-basement Christian Bale in American Psycho. Zamata is generally the best part of the movie, which is why the last third starts to get past some of the movie’s earlier problems to become more about an actual influencer showing Kurt how it’s done. (Zamata’s “SNL” castmate Kyle Mooney can’t really do much to make their scenes together funnier, since it’s just another sleazeball hitting on her.)

David Arquette also has a few funny scenes as Kurt’s father, but what’s probably gonna throw a lot of people off and make or break the movie is that so much of it is made to look like it was filmed on a smartphone, complete with running commentary from the viewers that you’re supposed to read, and presumably enjoy? Me, I just found it annoying.

Spree is gonna be one of those love-it-or-hate-it movies depending on which side of the age gap you’re on. To me, it just seemed way too obvious and not something I could possibly recommend to anyone over 19.

Okay… Documentary time!

I really wanted to like Amanda McBaine and Jesse Moss’ BOYS STATE (A24/Apple TV+), which won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance and received Special Jury Prize at SXSW Film Festival, but it’s a pollical doc that deals with a subject that just didn’t interest me very much. It follows a thousand teen boys from Texas who come together to form a government from the ground up, and that’s the problem right there. The fact this is all about guys. I just couldn’t get interested enough to watch the whole thing since it seemed obvious how it would turn out. Boys State was supposed to open in select cities last month but instead, it will be on Apple TV+ Friday after getting a few drive-in preview screenings, cause that’s just the way things are going these days.

Willa Kammerer’s Starting at Zero: Reimagining Education in America (Saul Zaentz Charitable Foundation/Abramorama), which will open in Virtual Cinema Friday after a Virtual Premiere tonight. It seems very timely, as it deals with investing in high-quality early child education. Just as timely is Muta’Ali Muhammad’s Yusuf Hawkins: Storm Over Brooklyn (HBO Documentary Films), which premieres on HBO tonight, looking at the events around the 1989 murder of teenager Yusuf Hawkins by a group of white men in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn.  Erik Nelson’s doc Apocalypse ’45 (Discovery/Abramorama), which will be in theaters this Friday and on Discovery over Labor Day weekend, is about the end of World War II, using never-before-seen footage with narration by 24 men who were there for it.

Quiver Distribution has two movies out this Friday, both which could probably be seen as young adult movies – not really a genre I like very much, so your mileage may vary?

ENDLESS from director Scott Speer (Midnight Sun) is a romantic drama starring Alexandra Shipp (X-Men: Apocalypse) as graphic novelist Riley, whose boyfriend, Nick Hamilton’s Chris gets stranded in limbo after he’s killed in a car crash. Taking the blame for his death on herself, Riley struggles to find ways to reconnect with Chris in the afterlife.

I wasn’t sure if this movie would be for me, since I’m not a very big fan of young adult movies generally. So many of them have hard-to-believe high-concept premises involving two lovelorn teens – Midnight Sun being a good example. Unlike so many of these movies, Endless isn’t based on a popular book, and I was a little worried about Speer’s skills as a director and whether he could avoid turning this into a very obvious teen version of Ghost. There’s a little bit of that but on a whole, the movie isn’t a complete waste of time. For instance, Shipp is decent in this sort of dramatic role, probably better than Hamilton, and it avoids getting too weepy thanks to DeRon Horton’s animated Jordan, who befriends Chris in limbo and quickly becomes the movie’s frequent saving grace.

Otherwise, the movie feels like any other soppy teen romantic drama, being very predicable with way too much overacting, particularly from Fammke Janssen as Chris’ Mom. Even though the relationship between Shipp and Hamilton works fine, unless you’re on board with the whole concept of the latter spending the entire film as a spirit, you’re going to have a hard time fully enjoying the movie.

In Bobby Roth’s PEARL, Larsen Thompson plays the title character, a 15-year-old piano prodigy whose mother Helen (Sarah Carter from The Flash) is murdered by her stepfather (Nestor Carbonell). She’s sent to live with Jack Wolf (Anthony LaPaglia), an unemployed film director, who used to be one of her mother’s ex-lovers, who also might be Pearl’s father. I know! Let’s spend an entire movie going back and forth trying to figure it out, okay?

I don’t have a ton to say about this movie, but if for some reason, you want to watch it just cause you’re a fan of Carter from The Flash, you should know that she appears in the movie via a series of black and white flashbacks to show her relationship with Jack, but those might be the best part of a very bad movie.

Thompson just isn’t a very solid actor to carry this, and Roth must have pulled a lot of favors to get this movie made ‘cause it wasn’t financed based on the script. Her relationship with LaPaglia just seems kinda creepy. Things just gets worse and worse, especially when Pearl goes to school and the other girls act like they’re in prison. There’s also Barbara Williams as Pearl’s alcoholic grandmother – the fun just never begins, does it?

At its worst, Pearl comes across like a Lifetime movie – not the first time I’ve used this statement this year and probably not the last. It’s just very dull and not a very good movie; LaPaglia is way too good an actor who deserves better than this.

Also on VOD this week is Kevin Tran’s Dark End of the Street (Gravitas Ventures), an indie horror movie involving a community in the suburbs plagued by someone who is killing the residents’ pets. This wasn’t a terrible movie but I had a hard time getting past the general premise about killing pets, so it was hard to get into what Tran tried to do in terms of putting a twist on a tried-and-true horror genre. Maybe I’ll give this another try after finishing this column.

Also, Ben Galland’s action-comedy Gripped: Climbing the Killer Pillar (1091) follows Rose (Megan Kesley), a L.A. gym climber who falls for rugged outdoorsman Bret (Kaiwi Lyman) as they embark on a trip to climb the “Killer Pillar” in California’s Sierra Nevada mountains, only to get caught on a cliff edge.

The Metrograph’s Live Screening Series is continuing with a great line-up over the rest of August with the Satoshi Kon Retrospective continuing with Millennium Actress playing until midnight tonight, plus Masaaki Yuasa & Koji Morimoto’s popular 2004 film Mind Game starting Wednesday night at 8pm. Claire Denis’ Trouble Every Day (2001) will screen on Friday at 8pm, and then Monday, Jenna Bliss’ animated The People’s Detox (2018) will join the screening library. To become a digital member, it’s only $5 a month or $50 for a year, which is a great deal for the amount of movies you see.

Film at Lincoln Center’s Virtual Cinema will stream Paulo Rocha’s 1963 film Change of Life starting Friday while Film Forum will stream Weiner Holzemer’s doc Martin Margiella: In His Own Words about the fashion designer, as well as Bert Stern’s Jazz on a Summer’s Day which is a 1959 documentary about the fashion photographer filming the 1958 Newport Jazz Festival with the likes of Louis Armstrong, Hoagy Carmichael, Mahalia Jackson, Thelonious Monk and many more.

Apparently, Netflix has a new movie out on Friday called Project Power, starring Jamie Foxx and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but I received ABSOLUTELY NADA about it from Netflix, so this is all you get. Watch out, Netflix, there are a lot of streaming options out there now!

Speaking of drive-ins (which I was WAY up there), on Wednesday, you can catch the latest in Amazon Studios “A Night at the Drive In” series. “Movies to Make You Open Your Eyes,” which will screen Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing and Jordan Peele’s Get Out.

Next week, more movies not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[rodger-that-studios]

My Top 20 Albums of All Time

Before The Storm, part 1 of 2

A top 20? (that should be, part one of a top twenty, so a top ten? yeah?)

Wow, how original.

I can practically hear your anguished cries.

Maybe so.

“There certainly haven’t been approximately 417.803 of those published since last Friday”

But sit down and strap in. This one’s a doozy.

Before we start, let me add that you don’t have to love these albums as much as I do, but trust me, arrogant as this sounds, you’re going to want to check them out.

To that you’re obviously crying out “You don’t know me!”

It doesn’t matter. Don’t have to.

These albums changed my life, so without further ado, lets get started. Are you sitting comfortably?

The Final (ish) Countdown (Albums 20-11)

20 – Tapestry – Carole King (1971)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQXY8zwQgmc

It’s a beauty

Let’s start as we mean to go on.

Presented here is one of the first songs I ever remember ‘freaking out’ to. To clarify, I mean that amazing, goosebumps inducing effect that music can have on you.

The ‘whoa’ moment, if you will.

That song is the immortal Natural Woman from this seminal album. It’s also a family favourite. Maybe we’ll never know if it was written for one James Taylor (who might make an appearance later on) but frankly, who cares. This is a beautiful record.

19 – Curtain Call: The Hits – Eminem (2005)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yhyp-_hX2s

Eminem is angry about…everything

Blimey. A Rap album as early as this?

Guess I’m full of surprises.

I’m no Eminem ‘fan’, but this one is special. There’s a swagger to this album that never fails to make me feel a thousand feet tall. Slim Shady exploded onto the scene with classic after satirical classic. Lose Yourself is outstanding, as is the insanity and genuine comedy of My Name Is. I think we all know what his name is now. Mic drop.

18 – A/B – Kaleo (2016)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-7IHOXkiV8

People from Iceland frighten me

This one is by far the youngest album on our list. But if I had to describe the debut for Kaleo, an imposing bunch of vikings (er, Icelanders) led by the incredibly talented Jökull Júlíusson (ridiculous name alert) in a few words, ‘ass kicking masterpiece’ comes to mind.

The band have gone from strength to strength since they dropped this monster in June 2016, thanks in large part to the lead single from A/B, Way Down We Go. It’s hauntingly beautiful and stays with you long after its finished. Another highlight is the albums opening track, No Good, which is a rip roaring way for the band to say hello. It’s absolutely filthy, but oh so fantastic.

17 – The Cult – Pure Cult (The Singles) 1984-1985) – 2000

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCOSPtyZAPA

Drum Fill Drum Fill Drum FILLLLLL

An absolute riot of an album.

It’s frankly ludicrous for a band to release a singles anthology that lasts for 77 bloody minutes, but The Cult are that good.

Prick up your ears for Rain and She Sells Sanctuary, which are definite stand outs. Rain batters against your eardrums with screaming guitars, while Sanctuary shifts the focus onto the drums. The song only contains a handful of lyrics, but one listen to the drum fill before the final chorus will make you understand why. Some songs speak for themselves.

16 – Greatest Hits – Simon And Garfunkel – 1972

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-JQ1q-13Ek

This one has stayed with me because I still remember the first listen to this album.

I was sat in my Grandma’s lounge. Family have always played a part in the albums I’ve carried into adulthood. It didn’t take me long to learn why she loves these two. This album will make you cry, make you cheer and everything in-between.

The best albums tell stories, and ones told by this ’72 collection like The Boxer and Bridge Over Troubled Water will live for a very long time.

Gorgeous stuff.

15 – Where The Light Is, John Mayer Live in LA – 2008

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7K2DQ8XBRbU

Smooooooooth Mr Mayer

The following descriptions accurately describe Mr John Mayer;

Guitar Prodigy

Remarkable Songwriter

Harmonic Whizkid

Arrogant Arsehole

Okay, okay. I’ll explain why.

Mayer’s ego may be bigger than his stacked discography, but sadly it’s for a very good reason. The man is a modern musical artist, and doesn’t he know it.

But this album makes it okay, and here’s why.

Mayer played a one off sold out show in the Nokia Theatre in his home town of LA back in ’08, playing hits straight out of his strange little head to a sea of adoring fans.

It was an elegant affair, with Mayer and his touring band taking centre stage for almost three hours worth of jazz and blues. Indeed the sense of rhythm, melody and especially harmony on hits like Daughters, In Your Atmosphere and Gravity (which Johnny boy performs here with a full gospel choir) is absolutely stunning. A personal highlight is his incredible arrangement of Tom Petty’s Free Fallin’(RIP Tom we love you), which leaves me speechless every single time. Overalll Mayer offers a soaring and beautiful album which is perhaps the most intimate and honest thing he’s ever written.

And remember, all thats coming from the dude that wrote Your Body is a Wonderland. Damn smooth.

14 – Vessel – Twenty One Pilots – 2013

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szp9x1ZlZn4

Kick Some Ass lads

Twenty One Pilots needed something big to break onto the international scene. The rock duo had already amassed a huge following in the good old US of A, but Europe was a different beast. And with Vessel they knocked it out of the park.

Hits from this album introduced Tyler Joseph and Josh Dunn to the world. Joseph flip flops between sonorous masterclasses and rapping like a demon while Dunn channels the greats behind the kit. Copeland, Moon, Rich. The gang’s all here, and its as if they’re controlling Dunn’s arms and telling his brain what to do like the plot from a terrible 80s horror movie.

It is indeed a rip rollicking tour de force of an album. Migrane will make you think, Guns for Hands (bloody ridiculous song title) will make you groove, and my personal favourite here, Trees, will make you grit your teeth and maybe even shed a few tears, an entire spectrum of feelings is contained to 12 songs.

How many other bands can do that?

Put simply, check this one out. It’s remarkable.

13 – Celebrity Skin – Hole – 1998

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0CYB5V9e64

Tears you to pieces

Lets summarise the short lived story of Hole, shall we?

In equal parts the tortured love child of Courtney Love and Courtney Love’s grief over the terrible loss of Kurt Cobain, Hole created a very special album.

Love and Cobain were of course famously writing countless songs together before he died, and many of them would, in one way or another, make up the famous track list offered here. Heartbreak can often create strangely beautiful things, and Celebrity Skin is the epitome of that.

From the first second you can feel Love’s fury at society. Thats why it works, because its as relevant to hate the world today as it was back in ’98. To that end, honestly the album’s title track is, in a word, aggressive. Listening to it really puts you into her head. It’s as if someone took a confetti cannon, filled it with that typical 90s neon-soaked angst and rage and then fired it point blank into your face.

CAN YOU FEEL IT YET?

Okay calm down.

Don’t know what came over me there.

But then come back to earth and pair track one with the other clear stand out, Malibu. This song is effortlessly haunting and heartbreakingly beautiful. The listener is oblivious to what the lyrics warn them of running away from, but we somehow know we just need to listen to the warning. Perhaps this song was written for Kurt and he will tragically never know, but we’ll know and this song, indeed this album, will tear you apart and stay with you forever.

12 – What’s The Story Morning Glory – Oasis – 1995

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tI-5uv4wryI

Liam Gallagher looks like he’s wearing handcuffs every time he sings. Don’t believe me? Watch and learn

Oasis have been a part of my life for pretty much as long as I can remember.

We had them on perpetually when I was growing up, and I remember the first time my Dad introduced me to the standout song on this album full of standout songs, Champagne Supernova.

“Kid!”

“Yeah?”

“Check out this tune!”

Plays Supernova in our living room

It’s incredible, yes, but there’s only one question I have when the song fades.

“But Dad, what even is a Champagne Supernova?”

“Shut up Will, it’s ironic.”

leaves

One listen was all it took.

While the also classic Heathen Chemistry perhaps hit me more upon first impressions, as I’ve grown up my love for this album has positively skyrocketed. Although I still have a soft spot for Little By Little, one of the first songs I ever learned on guitar.

God these are the useless facts I know you want out of a musical countdown.

What’s The Story is special, though. It’s a special, perfectly Brit-Pop record. For me at least, songs like Some Might Say, She’s Electric and the aforementioned alcoholic death of a star have gotten me through some incredibly tough times. I look fondly back at the album now and remember nights in, up to my neck in GCSE revision with one of those terrible bedside lamps, which made it look like I was doing Algebra in Gollum’s cave. I’d whack on this record and all the stress would go away for a few glorious moments. It was almost fun to work stuff out with Noel Liam and the rest of the lads screaming down my earholes. It somehow made it okay.

Champagne Supernova, though, as you’ve probably guessed, is simply something else. Of course it lasts for seven minutes, but every second is captivating. Its an untouchable song, and an awesome album.

11 – Appetite For Destruction – Guns N Roses – 1987

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gORKiQ0h1ZA

Fuck Yeah

This one is simply the motherfucking king of debut albums.

Guns N Roses redefined sweet rock and roll with this album, and it was the first thing they ever released. Since it was released back in ’87 the album has rocked up (not sorry about the pun) 28 Million album sales. Numbers like that don’t lie. So here’s my take on one of the greatest rock albums of all time.

Standout one is the opening track, Welcome To The Jungle

Literally.

This song, despite being track one, is a dark horse, but I don’t know how much that means when your album is made up of majestic stallions. Guns N Roses collectively smash down your defences and musically kick the shit out of you with outstanding guitar and pounding drums. But don’t worry its all executed so beautifully you’ll probably stand yourself up dust yourself off, say thank you and dive straight back in. Trust me you ain’t seen nothing yet.

We continue with Paradise City. Its safe to say that Axl Rose Slash and company do not pull punches. This is one of the greatest guitar performances of all time. GNR present a sprawling 6 minute journey into madness, and you’re gonna want to be along for the ride. Prick up your ears for the closing solo, which is Slash at his most powerful. Slash is a god among men. Won’t take you long to discover why.

The third, and final (but not final) standout is the immortal Sweet Child O Mine

I’m already playing air guitar just thinking about this one and you are too don’t even lie.

If you were to open a Guns N Roses art museum, in which different songs became famous paintings, then Sweet Child O Mine is the ceiling of the Cistene fucking Chapel. it’s that good. Its many things. What do you want? A story about love? Yep, its there. A Stadium Anthem for the ages? Yeah no worries. A Masterpiece? I damn well think so. In fact thats the perfect description for Appetite for Destruction. Its a flawless album, indeed the spirit of sex drugs rock and roll in a CD case.

*takes breath*

Okay. Pause. Hit pause.

Christ on a bike.

I’ve been rambling for EVER.

Listen hard to these ten, and strap in for part 2

[thetribalmoth]

REVIEW: the Diabolic by S.J.Kincaid

This book as quite frankly amazing, I'd highly recommend it to all. The premise alone is very unique and new. Further there is no instalove at all really. It's been I while since I've read a book that left me positively stunned and giddy. I'm quite eager to read the second in the series. 

It's overall a whirlwind of insanity, showing the cruelty of religion and why it's very very bad to have religion controlling those in power (a stark reminder of the importance of separation of church and state), and showing the affect classing someone as a monster or lower just cause of their creation/DNA has on people.

 Now for a summary: The main character is Nemesis who is a diabolic. Diabolic's are manufactured creatures made to serve and if needed violently protect one person. This one person for Nemesis is Sidonia. Sidonia is a sweet innocent lamb (as described by her mother) who is the daughter of a know heretic and cunning mother. Eventually, her fathers' heresy forces Sidonia to be summoned but Nemesis goes instead to protect her by pretending to be her. In going instead we get many "a fish out of water" moments due to be diabolic's being vastly different and quite terrifying to normal people. Uncharacteristically, For a diabolic, she makes a genuine friend tho she, characteristically for a diabolic, never really trusts her. This serves her well in fitting in and is all in all just a nice positive thing. Later due to particular spoiler events Nemesis makes an alignment and great questions of power, lies and if a Diabolic is truly a "person" come into play. The ending of the book is quite spectacular, glorious, poetic and fitting; I love it.

For characters, the hilariously insane clever Tyrus, the sweet cinnamon role Sidonia, and the overtly violent Nemesis; are the stars of the show and they play off each other fantastically. However within this book practically all the character are either some level of extreme or are borderline insane. And I have to give basically a "trigger warning" about there being two characters in the book who are flat out serial rapist, all the other characters know they are but do nothing about it. I also absolutely love that the main character is a violent and dangerous person, no soft weak girl that needs to be cared for to be found in her. On to the stars of the show firstly with Nemesis. Her personality is extreme, rash, often without emotion, and devoted. Her devotion is obviously shown frequently via her reactions to anyone being even slightly unkind or threatening towards Sidonia or towards her when she's pretending to be Sidonia. Her extreme and violent nature, as a diabolic, is shown easily via how she will just flat kill some or snap at people. But these kills and snaps are darn near completely unpredictable to the reader. The mere idea or dream of Sidonia's death causes completely rage and lashing out. Most of Nemesis's interactions with Tyrus are either totally insane or completely adorable. All of Nemesis and Sidonia's interactions are adorable and filled with devotion (to the point of hinting at being gay, as it's very mutual devotion). Now Sidonia is a total sweetheart and just wants Nemesis to be happy and to believe that she is not just someone's property. Sidonia is a lot less seen in the book so there's not much to say about her. Tyrus on the other hand is a massive ball of insanity and complication which is impossible to explain without spoilers. But just like Sidonia, he helps (practically utterly unintentionally tho) Nemesis in seeing herself a person deserving of life. I find it quite hilarious to see the madman that he is, do literally anything in the book. Even when you think him might be sane he does something completely insane right after or during. Just to point out one action of insanity that isn't spoiler worthy there is just outta no where a naked royal man. Just naked like it was nothing. 

As for world-building: The book starts out running, barely giving you time to foot yourself in the world before treason and heresy come into play. Quite the rush. But it explains things that need be explained, like the hellonic religion, in proper time. Without it feeling like it was just there to be explication to the reading. The hellonic religion is a cruel and unkind religion that's just plain ol' bad, the book explains this quite well. This religion remains a driving force of the entire book behind many characters actions or inaction. The religion is extremely anti-science and oppressive of knowledge/information. But they also use their religion as a jab at the old religions that "worship human-like beings". Studying math and science specifically is banned as it's blasphemous. The build of Diabolic's being less than humans and just being emotionless devout killing machines is harsh and feels cruel; as it should. While it also manages to be touching and hinting at the diabolic's being more human-like than believed. Nemesis herself believes her kind to be monsters and without souls. Even the religion beats diabolic’s being monster in as diabolic's can't be blessed under the religion. The only way the reader knows that this all takes place off of earth and in basically spaceships. Is the occasional mention of things like starships and of the people who still live on planets. This separates the story from traditional sci-fi stereotypes and is warmly welcomed. This will also make the book more appealing to people who are less fond of the sci-fi genre. 

Some other things: There are multiple points when Nemesis gets some hope for being an equal person/having a soul, but this is basically constantly crushed either by her or someone else. It's crushing to read but fits the story and character typical to a Diabolic. The cover is unassuming but, just like the book it's self, is clever and well thought out. Lastly, I find Nemesis to be highly relatable even tho she is framed as this emotionless inhuman monster. 

If you're in the mood for a book that's quite stabby, is constantly on the high of insanity, and is very fantastical I'd highly recommend this read.

[sandwingsidewinder]

My fantribe is finally finished enough to be uploaded! The Galewings are a tribe of dragons in Pyrrhia, that are the product of hundreds of years of interbreeding between an originally small village of Seawings and Skywings. Check out the group, here Galewings-WoF Read the rest of the info under the readmore!

During the events of a great war between the tribes, the Seawing and Skywing queens formed an alliance against the Rainwings. The Rainforest Kingdom was notoriously hard to infiltrate, so the queens sent troops led by some of their most trusted warriors to stakeout the high cliffs on to the ocean near the edge of Rainwing territory. sta.sh/02179c27fnjg The place was filled with deep tunnels and caverns, and the small army could easily keep hidden there for the many months it took them to gather enough information on the Rainwings to perform their attack. The outcome of the attack, and the war are inconsequential, and the remaining troops, having been together so long, decided to return to their caves rather than go home to their queens. The kingdom started out as just a small village, the dragons there being the last surviving troops of the group, had a very hardened anti-war stance. The village inside the caverns of the cliffs, was named Tidalwave Cavern, after the brave leader (Tidalwave) of the Seawing side of the troops who had died in the attack on the rainforest. Now, hundreds of years later, there are many more towns within the Galewing Kingdom, and Tidalwave village has become Tidalwave city, the heart of the kingdom. The Galewing royal family is a little complicated, the original royalty within the first group of dragons was Prince Tidalwave (mentioned earlier) and his brother, Prince Bluering. There was no royals among the Skywing troops. The first leaders of the tribe were Bluering, and his mate Falcon (a skywing), their first daughter was the first official queen. Her name was Stratus. The current royal family can all trace their genes back to Queen Stratus, the current queen being Queen Thunder. A short time after the other tribes accepted the Galewings as an official tribe, a young, creative Galewing named Spark convinced the rest of the tribe they needed something unique, to set themselves apart from the other tribes. Every now and then, a dragonet would be born without fire, and Spark was one of those dragons. But Spark had something no other Galewing before her had, she was descended from the Seawing royal family, and had inherited Animus powers from them. Galewings did not have much knowledge of Animus powers, or how to control them. But Spark was charming and confident, and her family believed she could solve their problems. Spark imbued the entire Galewing tribe with conductive electric breath, making sure all would see them as something unique, but equal, and that any new dragonets would always have breath to defend themselves. Spark was an amazing inventor, and aided with her Animus powers created fantastic things for her tribe. In the tribes deepest dungeons, where only those guilty of the most horrible crimes, she created vast metal cells. Only able to be opened by the Galewing's conductive breath. (The prisoners of course, had their mouths restricted). Spark had her own small cavern, filled with all sorts of invention ideas and insane ramblings. They say that any dragon who overuses their Animus powers become soulless and murderous. But Spark mostly stayed the same, if not displaying even more maniacal enthusiasm for her work. Spark is long dead, of course. But the modern day Galewings still revere her work as unmatched genius. The glowing markings on their bodies come from their Seawing ancestors, and they allow the Galewings to communicate through the thick storm clouds in and around their Kingdom, as well as to help see down in the deep tunnels of their caves. Galewing names are usually related to electricity, storms, clouds, and things like that. But some Seawing and Skywing names are also common, as well as names of purple and blue gemstones. Common Galewing colors http://ausgoth.deviantart.com/art/Galewing-colors-687587816 Okay Tay, enough of the lore you say, but how do I get one? Galewings are a closed WoF fantribe, meaning you have to pay to make one, or buy premade adoptables, or win free ones from competitions and events, ect. You may not make your own without my permission. The base price for a galewing is 400 points, or $4 US Dollars. For a royal Galewing, add 200 points/$2 For an Animus Galewing, add 300 points/$3 (Animus dragons are automatically royal, since only royal blood has the Animus gene) For an albino/melanistic/piebald Galewing add 100 points/$1 There is no extra price for hybrids. If you'd like to buy one, please send me a note saying what kind you'd like, and whether you're paying with points or paypal. If you're paying with paypal please also send the email attached to your account, so I can send you an invoice. Upon purchase, I will send you this lineart, which you can use to make your Galewing if you don't want to draw your own. But I encourage you to!

[lost-along-the-wave]

Books I'll Love Forever

I can't for the life of me remember which book caused me to fall madly in love with books but I'm very glad I did. So to spread my absolute love of books, here are some of the ones I've read a hundred times and to this day still fall in love with every single time. ( In no particular order) P. S. I have a habit of loving a book even more if it totally and completely breaks my heart. • If I Stay by Gayle Forman As the first book that ever actually made me cry, this story will always hold a special place in my heart. At first glance it seems to be nothing more than a tragic love story but it is so much more. This story is about the love of a family and it tries a new angle on the idea of loss. Mia's story is equal parts heartbreaking and heartwarming. • The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky This book is everything. I read this for the first time in 10th grade and I'd never found a character so relatable before. This book is perfect for a coming of age novel and it is strikingly real. Despite never really being in any of the situations myself, it is written in a way that resonates. • We Were Liars by E. Lockhart This is in the running for my all time favourite book. This book is written so beautifully and so well that despite how many times I've read it, I still can't find a way to predict the twist that broke my heart. The language is also so perfect that I often find myself getting lost in it. • Away We Go by Emil Ostrovski Admittedly I only bought this book because of the colourful cover and the Peter Pan references but I've never been more thankful for my quick judgment. This book is a story of loving someone who loves someone else, who loves someone else, etc. Basically no one is loved by who they want to be loved by and that's not even the most heartbreaking thing about their lives or lack thereof. This book broke my heart in almost every chapter. • I'll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson This is the book that made me fall in love with the name Jude for a girl. Told in two different perspectives in two different times this book will leave you feeling both content and sad but you'll fall in love with the characters who are just trying to find their way. • The Strange And Beautiful Sorrows Of Ava Lavender by Leslye Walton When I first started reading this book my first thought was "umm…what?", but surprisingly it didn't turn out how I thought it would. This story is just as the title implies, strange and beautiful sorrows, but it is so beautifully written and the story is so mesmerizing that you'll forget about all the strangeness and fall in love with the beautiful. • Simon Vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli Full disclosure this is my favourite book that isn't heartbreakingly tragic. It is equally funny, meaningful, and sad. It shows insight into the mind of a closeted gay teenager threatened with being outed but it surprised me how subtly it was placed into the the story. Most of this book just made me laugh and towards the end it made my heart hurt but the real reason I love this book is because of the beautiful messages within it about race, sexuality, friendship, and life. • The Impossible Knife Of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson Post traumatic stress disorder is a common diagnosis in war veterans but is often brushed aside or overlooked. This book tells the story of a daughter who's father is exactly that. It poetically describes what it is like to have a loved one live with the mental illness without sugar coating it too much. I don't know who my heart broke for more; the daughter or her father. • Me And Earl And The Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews The title pretty much gives away the whole plot of the book but what it doesn't tell you is how totally random, weird, funny and heartbreaking the story truly is. A lot of times I had to put the book down and say "what the fuck?", because a lot of this plot is questionable, but all in all it's a very good read and it's very subtle about it's heartbreak. • Me Being Me Is Exactly As Insane As You Being You by Todd Hasak-Lowry This book is definitely not for everyone, it certainly took some getting used to for me, not because of the story itself but how it's formatted. The book is written entirely in lists. Yes lists. Every "chapter" starts of with a title like "4 Things I Noticed In The Span Of 30 Seconds" and then will go on to list them. The story is a little weird but it's an interesting read. • Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan You might recognize the authors name as he co-wrote Will Grayson Will Grayson with John Green but this book is probably not what you're expecting. There are three different stories being told but they're being told by the same person, or people I guess. The narrative is in the perspective of all the people who have died from AIDS looking down at the world and watching these stories play out. It's definitely worth the read. • All The Missing Girls by Megan Miranda Honestly this book made me remember why I have a love hate relationship with mystery novels. This books starts off at the present time and the jumps to 15 days in the future. If that's not infuriating enough it then proceeds to go backwards from day 15 to day 1 in order to piece together the mystery from the present and a similar one 10 years in the past. Unfortunately I couldn't put it down. • The Rest Of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness I don't know about you but I've always wondered what happened to the people who were just kind of there for the drama but didn't play a role in it. Like in the Harry Potter books hundreds of kids attended Hogwarts but only like 10 of them were actually relevant to the plot. What about the rest of them? This book is them. Not literally them, this is not a Harry Potter book, but it is in the perspective of the other guys, well four of them at least. They're very away of everything that happens and the treat it like it's a normal occurrence, like the vampires attacking was just another day for them. • We Are All Made Of Molecules by Susin Neilsen As a child of a broken family this book was very relatable for me despite the characters being younger than me. Blended families can be a weird change and it's not always as easy as it may seem and I think this book beautifully shows how much of a struggle it really can be. • A List Of Cages by Robin Roe This book deals with abuse and some parts made me physically sick to my stomach. One of the main characters is portrayed as innocent in every way and I'm still not sure whether that makes it worse or not. There are also some very beautiful parts in this book and that's part of the reason I couldn't put it down. • Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell There are not enough words to describe how I feel about this book. It is about defying stereotypes, discovering who you are, falling in love, being set free, being comfortable with yourself, and so so much more. Many of my friends will say that this is their all time favourite book. Very strong recommendation for this breathtaking story. • Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz Of all the books I've read this is the book I can quote the most. I fell in love from the very first page and the story never let me forget it. This story is about growing up, but at the same time it's not. It's about all the things the world has to offer, you just need to find the right person to show you. I gave my whole heart to this book and I still don't regret it. • It's Kind Of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini I committed a serious crime with this story; I watched the movie first. Thank goodness the book was 1000x better because wow that movie, while still very good, was a train wreck. Craig's story is so breathtakingly honest and pure that it helped me understand myself a little bit more. It's alright to not know what's going to happen, just focus on what's happening now. • Suicide Notes From Beautiful Girls by Lynn Weingarten Spoiler alert: to the best of my knowledge this book did not contain a single suicide note that I can remember. Mostly this book is focused on the why but not in the normal way. It's not why did she kill herself, it's why did she kill herself that way. Friendship is a blessing and a curse because you might think you know someone but you might not know them at all. Honestly this book makes me so angry because despite the many conversations I've had with my friends we still haven't come up with a solid understanding of the ending. Please help. • Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon Again this is one of those novels that sweeps me off my feet with the beautiful imagery in the language. I can practically feel myself in the story and crazy twist at the end is not something I ever could've predicted. It's an easy story to love. �� Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire I read this book in 7th grade which admittedly was wayyyyy to young for the type of content in this book. Unlike most of the previous books this one is a little more your normal romance book. Two college kids make a deal to be friends, fall in love, have a bunch of fights/breakups, etc. I know what you're thinking, "Why is this book even on the list?" To be honest I debated for a long time whether or not to include it but I ultimately decided that it is still one of my favourite books because Travis and Abby are just too damn cute. • Remember To Forget by Ashley Royer This is the book that got me hooked on Wattpad. For those of you who don't know it's an app/website where people can write and post stories for anyone to read as long as they have an account, don't worry it's free :). This book, like a lot of Wattpad stories, started out as a Five Seconds Of Summer fanfiction but was rewritten and edited when it actually got published. Yes I do read 5SOS fanfic every now and again and yes I was obsessed for a while but now most of the stories I read are regular teen fiction and trust there are some amazing writers out there. If you want to get the app, or already have it, and are looking for some reading suggestions feel free to ask :) This book is about moving on a letting go and realizing that it's okay to let people help you. • History Is All You Left Me By Adam Silvera As a story that broke my heart approximately 2 pages in it will always be a story I'll love. The plot focuses on Griffin and jumps between the past and present telling stories of his life with and without his ex boyfriend. Beautifully written, heartfelt, and tragic this novel is everything.

[mandibierly]

‘Playing House’ Stars on Turning a Cancer Diagnosis into Comedy

Lennon Parham as Maggie, Jessica St. Claire as Emma in Playing House (Photo by: Robyn Von Swank/USA Network)

It’s been almost two years since fans of Playing House have seen two of TV’s best BFFs, Emma (Jessica St. Clair) and Maggie (Lennon Parham), in action, and now we know why. The same month the USA comedy’s Season 2 finale aired, September 2015, St. Clair was diagnosed with stage 2b estrogen positive breast cancer — something she revealed in a moving and funny essay for Stand Up To Cancer last May. Just in like in real life, Emma’s diagnosis midway through Season 3, premiering June 23, will come out of nowhere. “It’s gonna be the reality of what it is, but also those insane, hilarious moments that happen when the stakes are so high,” St. Clair says.

“I think what you’re going to feel is that thing that happens when women show up for each other in a super deep way,” Parham says.

Here, the duo previews how and why they brought that story to the show, and what else we have to look forward to.

Jessica, I loved the mission you wrote about in your SU2C essay — being able to report back to other women what worked and what didn’t work as cancer hacks. You talked about how much Lennon and your husband, Dan O’Brien, were there for you. How much of your exact experience are we going to see in the show?

Jessica St. Clair: Well, in classic Jessica-Lennon form, and maybe this is because we have a lack of imagination, we write pretty much exactly what we lived. So that was one of the reasons when we came back for Season 3, we were like, “Well, this is a really big challenge for us. We’ve never written something that is both equal parts really serious and funny.” But the truth was, what we had just gone through, although being diagnosed with breast cancer is not a laugh a minute, there were really hilarious things that happened to us during the experience.

Like in the show, Lennon is responsible for choosing my new boobs. The scene is one of my favorite things we’ve ever written, but that’s also because that’s exactly what happened. When the plastic surgeon asked me to feel three implants and decide which one felt most like my own boob, I was like, “I don’t know. I don’t touch mine very often.” So I’m squeezing it, and then my husband steps in, or I’m like, “Dan, can you tell me?” He pokes it like a water balloon, and I’m like, “Get outta here!” Then from the recesses of the office, I hear, “May I give it a try?” And Lennon steps forward, and she felt each implant like a sommelier would taste a fine wine. Without any hesitation, she goes, “It’s number two.” Like she was dropping the mic.

Lennon Parham: Well, half of that is true. Jessica did force me to grab her boobs. I thought, “Hey, you know what? I love her. We’re really close, probably closer than any two women should be who are not in a married relationship. But this is not my place.” She was like, “Get in here.” And I was like, “You know what, I don’t —” She was like, “Lennon. Get in here.” I was like, “Fine.” So I got in there and it was very clear from the get-go which one it was.

St. Clair: But why is it that your best friend knows the consistency of your boob more than your husband? That is so disturbing and also amazing on so many levels.

Parham: It’s not because I’m always feeling your breasts, Jessica. That makes it sound like when we’re writing, what I’ll often do is hold onto your breasts between typing.

St. Clair: It is not true.

Parham: That is inappropriate. And that is not true.

St. Clair: If anything, I hold onto yours, and that’s why I don’t understand.

Parham: Because it’s a compare and contrast. I have a scientific, logical mind, and that’s how it happened.

St. Clair: It was so crazy. And the other thing I thought was insane was that I did not question it. Once she said, “Two,” I was like, “Fine.” I didn’t deliberate. I was like, “Put them in.” Because I trust her implicitly. The other thing that was amazing was my husband was out of town, unfortunately, the day that I heard. It was the worst day of my life. So I, of course, text Lennon. I drive to the place. I’m sobbing. It’s the worst. And she shows up. I think I told her not to come ’cause I’m insane. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”

Parham: You just texted me. This is how it went down. I said, “What happened?” She texted me, “It’s cancer. I’m going to the doctor. I gotta drop off my daughter” and whatever. I was like, “Okay, what’s the address?” She’s like, “What are you talking about?” And I was like, “Tell me where it is. I’m coming.” She was like, “You don’t need to come,” and I was like, “I’m coming. I’m coming, you insane person.” And so she finally texted me the name of the place. She was like, “I’m on my way there,” and I was like, “Me, too.” So I just threw on the most comfortable sweatshirt I could find, which Jess makes fun of because it says “Mama Bear” on the front of it. And then, this season, after making fun of me a thousand times for wearing that sweatshirt, guess what sweatshirt Jess decided to wear every day on set? The same exact sweatshirt.

St. Clair: So she rolls in. Everybody in the office thought that Lennon was my life partner, because she kept saying “our daughters” and “we have good insurance” and stuff like that.

Parham: The Writers Guild has really good insurance. That’s the truth.

St. Clair: So they thought we were like this powerhouse lesbian couple.

Parham: That’s not the first time that’s happened.

St. Clair: No, it’s not, and it won’t be the last. But my husband shows up, and they’re like, “Who’s this guy?” Like were we in a triple marriage. No one knew what was going on.

Parham: And he didn’t bother to explain it to them.

St. Clair: Right. So then my husband’s like, “Lennon has to be present at every single appointment.” I don’t feel good unless Lennon’s there because Lennon has what we call ‘judgmental resting face.’ She’s always studying somebody.

Parham: I just call it my face.

St. Clair: So most of the doctors would deliver news directly to Lennon.

Parham: But I was also writing it down. Jess was asking all these questions, and Dan was there as well asking questions and pacing back and forth. I would get it all down and then I would recount it to them because later, she would say, “The doctor said this.” I was like, “No way did she say that. Look at my notes. She definitely didn’t say that. You’re not hearing things straight.” Because, you know, in those moments you’re hearing it through a weird lens. So listen, they didn’t tell me to come, I was just showing up. I was like, “Where are we going today? Who are we seeing?” And I was just there at 11:15, meeting them out front with a juice. I was like, “Let’s do this.”

St. Clair: She made a binder, and this is in the show as well. We could talk for like seven hours about this —

Parham: And this is just one of the eight episodes. There’s also drag queens, and there’s this amazing British actor who plays Maggie’s chief resident and there’s some real chemistry there. There’s also Bird Bones and Gwen and women’s basketball and, I mean, you name it this season. We did not hold back. And that is the truth.

St. Clair: We never hold back, but really, I promise you that this is the funniest stuff we’ve ever written, and also, it will make you cry, so you might throw up.

Parham: Hey! Don’t put that in print.

St. Clair: It’s gonna be that kind of cry. Remember when you were 12 years old and your parents just got HBO and you were like, “Hey, what’s this movie, Terms of Endearment?” And then you’re just like, “Why is this happening?”

Parham: You did not watch that when you were 12, you little piece of something.

St. Clair: I did! Or Beaches. Maybe it was Beaches. But yeah, so anyway —

Parham: You know what I was watching? On scrambled TV, I was trying to pick out scenes from Losin’ It, that Tom Cruise movie where they go to Tijuana. Anyway, that’s where we differ.

St. Clair: What I was gonna say before is, Lennon showed up with the binder on the first day. It said on the cover, “Cancer, you wanna roll with this?” In the show, she has that exact binder.

Parham: It’s true. But here’s the thing: It was a really hard decision whether or not to write about this. Because our show is sort of like an escape —

St. Clair: A fantasy.

Parham: We dealt with Mark and Bird Bones’ divorce in Season 2, and that was a super serious theme. But for the most part, it’s breaking into a JCC and skinny-dipping. There’s friendship moments, but this season, we really went for it in a really deep way, and I think we’re really both super proud of it.

St. Clair: I was so shocked that this was able to be the case, but you know how some shows, you love it and then they introduce something really serious and you’re like, “Oh my god, you’ve just taken everything that I love about this show and thrown it away.” All the charm, or the couple starts hating each other and you’re like, “I don’t want to watch this on a Friday night.” But for whatever reason, we were able to keep the charm and the love, because that’s sort of what keeps people coming back, I think, is how much these girls, and now how much everyone in the town — Mark, Bird Bones, Emma’s mother — love each other. What happened to me was, getting cancer, although terrifying, made my life so much better, and that sounds totally insane. I remember when I was in my deepest, darkest part of going through chemo, this woman, who was like 20 years out, was like, “I know you’re not going to believe me, but your life will be better after this. You will be happier.” I was like, “That’s insane.” But it’s true. So after this experience, and as they all go through it, there is nothing that can get between these people. They love each other so much. They’ve shown up for each other. They realize that life is short, so they might as well have an even better time, and they live what Lennon and I started calling the “F**k yes life.”

Parham: On the show we call it “Hell yes life.”

St. Clair: Because it was USA, we had to change it to “Hell yes.”

Parham: Well, just because it was America. What I was saying earlier was, when we were deciding to write it, it was a really hard decision to do this because I was like, “This is where our show normally is. Do we really want to [relive] the past year of our life? Do we really want to talk about it in a room, break a story, improvise it, act it out, edit it, and then talk about it even more?” Through the process, I think Jess and I faced some stuff that we had not faced when we were going through it. Then as we’re writing it or when we were shooting it, some of our crew would be like, “Hey, my sister-in-law is starting chemo on Tuesday. Can you tell me more about the thing that let’s you keep some of your hair?” Or, “I’m gonna go get a mammogram today.” It already started to do this really profound thing, and I was like, “Listen, if that’s all it is, then that’s enough.” But it’s gonna be more than that because it’s gonna be available for everyone.

St. Clair: You know, the other thing is I’ve always thought of television, the good shows that you love, they make you feel less alone. I remember watching Gilmore Girls in like a deep, dark part of my twenties, and it kept me afloat. And so what I felt was when you’re going through this, it’s the loneliest time in your life. If for some reason there’s a girl — and listen, there’s a lot of girls under 40 who are getting this and they don’t know why and it’s terrifying — but if she’s sitting at home… I looked for something when I was going through this, something that would speak to my experience. Not a Beaches or Terms of Endearment or anything with Debra Winger in which she dies, but something where somebody goes through it and actually survives and thrives and is happier. I couldn’t find it. So now it exists, and I’m hoping that if one person is sitting there feeling sad and watching this and then feels like they’re less alone, well then we’ve done our job.

St. Clair, Keegan-Michael Key as Mark Rodriguez, Parham (Photo by: Michael Yarish/USA Network)

Looking at what else we can tease about the season, in the premiere, we quickly find out if Emma and Mark (Keegan-Michael Key) are rekindling their high school romance.

Parham: You’re going to have your favorites back. Keegan-Michael Key is back. Jane Kaczmarek [as Emma’s mother, Gwen]. Lindsay Sloane [as Tina, aka Bird Bones]. And Jack McBrayer [as Rod]. Then we’ve also got Laurie Metcalf and Michaela Watkins, who play Jess’s two doctors. It’s next level. Then also I mentioned a bunch of drag queens, and it was like a dream fulfillment for me because I’m obsessed with RuPaul’s Drag Race, so Bob the Drag Queen, and Katya, and Jiggly Caliente, and Detox — literally the all star team.

St. Clair: In the finale, basically the concept is, even though I kept most of my hair, at the end of chemo I looked like Dog the Bounty Hunter — some of it was growing in and it just looked straight-up and fake. So we are going out to celebrate our final night of chemo, and I’m like, “I can’t go. I look like Dog the Bounty Hunter. Nobody wants to see this.” So through a series of crazy things that happen, we end up getting made over by a bunch of drag queens into twin Tina Turner drag queens. And we perform “Proud Mary” to these drag queens. So we’re on a stage, dressed like Tina Turner. I, by the way, find out that I have such manly features that drag queen makeup on me looks correct. So that’s something I’m trying to just accept. And I remember saying to Katya, “Katya, give us some pointers.” And she just said, “Don’t be afraid to get ugly.”

Parham: No, she said, “Don’t be afraid to flirt with the grotesque.”

St. Clair: Yeah, “Flirt with the grotesque.” So that’s all we needed, right? Then we f**king let it rip, and we’re dancing —

Parham: That’s my comfort zone though, actually. Put me in a pair of stripper heels in front of a neon heart and I’m like, “I’m home.”

St. Clair: You were home. I had a limited passport. And then behind the camera is my three-year-old, who was obsessed with RuPaul’s Drag Race and was dressed, by her own accord, in an Elsa costume with a tiara. She was dressed as much like a baby drag queen as you could possibly get. She’s behind the monitor, and I was like, “This is living, man. This is it. It doesn’t get any better than this.” Oh and the other thing is Maggie gets a love interest, and we have not yet gotten to see Maggie fall in love.

Parham: It’s slow and simmery. We really tease it out Jane Austen-style, and it’s really nice.

Ben Willbond as Dr. Ericson, Jeff Hiller as Jeff (Photo by: Michael Yarish/USA Network)

That’s the British actor you mentioned earlier?

St. Clair: Yes. His name is Ben Willbond, and what happened was one of our directors, Chris Addison, who was one of the executive producers of Veep when the British people were in charge of it, we texted him. We’re like, “Listen, we wrote this British love interest for Maggie. We don’t know anybody who fits this. Can you ask your best girl friend who is the next Mr. Darcy? Who does she most want to have sex with in London?”

Parham: Keep it classy. Keep it classy.

St. Clair: She writes back one name: Ben Willbond.

Parham: She wrote a couple names back, but that guy was at the top of the list.

St. Clair: We don’t even audition him. We look at a clip where he’s talking as himself on YouTube or something, and we’re like, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Parham: We watched a couple clips.

St. Clair: It’s the most amazing romance you’ve ever seen. He’s so good.

Parham: He’s really talented. He’s written and starred in a bunch of stuff in England, a show called Horrible Histories and several other things. So he’s super smart and just a really good actor, but also really grounded and connected and also he can improvise, so it was like we found the jackpot basically. He’s the new chief resident on her new nursing rotation. Jeff Hiller plays my best friend at the hospital and he is so hilarious. We get paired with this doctor that we call Doctor Popsicle because he’s cold as ice.

St. Clair: But in our private life, we call him the Salt and Pepper Situation, because that’s what we’re working with.

Parham: It’s not really private when you tell it to everyone’s face.

Season 3 of Playing House premieres June 23 at 11 p.m. ET on USA before the entire season hits VOD on June 24.