#‘you fucking idiot’ she tells him while pointedly ignoring the fact she hid in her tent for an hour after Karlachcalled her cute yesterday

[selunesfavouriteprincess]

Pollux’s face of abject terror when Astarion uses that line on him feels very in character

[marauders-venting]

It Can’t Be

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: angst

warnings: lots of mentions of death and a funeral, grief and mourning

words: 1906

a/n: this fic is an au in which Sirius has a trial. He is found innocent and Peter is arrested. the fic is set after the trial has ended

Sirius stood, his hands clenched so tight on the handle of Harry’s stroller that his knuckles were white. It had been a good idea to bring the stroller because there was no way he could’ve carried Harry in his arms right now. His whole body was shaking. It had only been a few days since Lily and James had died but so much had happened since then. Sirius had been to Azkaban and had a trial, Peter had been arrested, Remus had disappeared and suddenly Sirius was Harry’s legal guardian. With everything that had happened, Sirius hadn’t even had time to process it, let alone accept it. In his mind, Lily and James Potter could not be dead. They just couldn’t. But evidently, they were because Sirius was attending their funeral at the moment. They were because any minute he would have to give his eulogy. Sirius wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do it but he had to. He owed it to Lily and James.

So when the minister called Sirius up to speak, he rolled Harry’s stroller over to the front of the room and faced everybody. Sirius looked around at the people in the room; their expressions were passive. These people don’t care about Lily and James, Sirius thought. No, all they care about is that Voldemort is gone. The only person other than himself who looked even remotely sad was Professor McGonagall, who was sitting in the back of the room, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. And… Remus! He’s here. Remus is here. Well of course he’s here you idiot, he arranged the funeral, said a voice in his head, he set this up for Lily and James while you were moping in a prison cell. Sirius needed the voice to shut up. He didn’t have time for this now. He wanted to honour Lily and James properly. So he took a deep breath and spoke.

“James Potter was my best friend,” he said, ignoring the ache in his chest and the tears pricking his eyes. “He was my brother. Never have I known a person so full of kindness and love for other people and so willing to share it.” It was only ever with him that I felt truly safe. And now he’s gone. Sirius couldn’t say it. He swallowed hard and went on. “And Lily…” even just saying her name hurt, “Lily lit up every room she walked into.” There was more but Sirius couldn’t speak. Tears were streaming down his face. He skipped to the last few lines, the part he was determined to say before he collapsed. “She got f-far less time than she should have. They both did. If I could trade my life for theirs I would. James and Lily… they deserved the world—” Sirius choked. And I was going to give it to them. It was my job. And I failed. That was it. Sirius had written more but he couldn’t go on. “Thank you.” He walked back to his seat and buried his face in his hands. He didn’t care that these people were seeing him cry. He had failed. The least he could have done was properly eulogise Lily and James but he’d fucked that up too.

“Pa’foot?” came Harry’s voice. Sirius wiped his tears away and looked up.

“Yes, Harry?” he said quietly.

“Pa’foot sad,” Harry said.

“Nah, I’m not sad, Prongslet,” Sirius said, feeling a sharp stab of pain at the nickname. Prongslet. Little Prongs. Prongs’ kid. James’ kid. But James was gone. And Harry… Harry didn’t even seem to know that. “Come on,” Sirius said, picking Harry up out of the stroller and sitting him down on his lap. “Uncle Moony’s going to speak now so we need to be quiet.” Remus stood at the front of the room, about to give his eulogy.

“Moo’ee!” Harry called, waving at Remus. Remus gave Harry a small smile and wave, pointedly avoiding Sirius’ eyes.

“Shh,” Sirius whispered to Harry. “We need to be quiet, Harry.”

“Shh,” Harry repeated, putting a finger on his lips and looking from Sirius to Remus and then laying his head down on Sirius’ chest. Remus’ eyes flickered towards Harry and Sirius saw him bite his lip before starting.

“Lily and James were the kindest, most accepting people I have ever met,” Remus said, his voice shaking slightly. “They both had a knack for knowing when someone was upset and what exactly that person needed to feel better. And they would both do just about anything to help their friends. Knowing Lily and James and being their friend was an honour and a privilege. And I will never forget the kindness they showed me and the help they gave me.” Remus fell silent and for a moment Sirius thought he had finished but Remus closed his eyes for a moment and then continued.

“Often when people die young, we tend to say that they had just enough time or that they were so happy in their short time that their lives were fulfilled. And while Lily and James were certainly the two happiest people I have known, I refuse to stand here and say that it was just enough time or that it’s ok because they were so happy. It’s not ok and it wasn’t enough. Lily and James deserved more time than every person in this room combined; I’m just sorry that after everything they did for me, I couldn’t give that to them. Thank you.” Sirius thought that Remus’ eyes had met his for just a second. Or maybe not. Maybe he’d just imagined it.

There were tears on Remus’ cheeks and his hands were shaking but he returned to his seat, keeping his eyes on the floor. The minister said a number of prayers but Sirius’ mind kept fading in and out of focus. Lily and James are dead. But how can they be dead? They can’t. But they are. They’re dead.

When the funeral ended Sirius stood and started following the crowd of people heading for the exit but having a stroller meant that he had to wait for most people to leave before there was enough room for him and Harry to move. They were almost out of Godric’s Hollow when Sirius heard a voice coming from behind him.

“It’s your birthday today.” Sirius spun towards the voice. It was Remus.

“W-what?” he stuttered.

“It’s your birthday today,” Remus repeated.

“No, it’s n—” Sirius started. He thought for a moment. The 2nd of November. That’s today. “Oh, it… it is. I didn’t realise.” Silence. Sirius didn’t know what to say.

“I think we need to talk,” Remus said, quietly.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “I think we do.” He couldn’t discern Remus’ tone but his heart was racing a million miles an hour as they walked back to their apartment in silence, allowing Harry to fall asleep in the stroller. No one said a word until they were back in their apartment.

“I’ll just put Harry down for a nap and then…” Sirius trailed off.

“And then we’ll talk,” Remus nodded, sitting down on the couch. Sirius pushed the stroller into Harry’s room, deciding it was better to let him sleep in the stroller than to risk waking him by moving him into his crib. Sirius closed the door quietly and returned to the living room, sitting down on the couch beside Remus. They were silent for a moment.

“So are you going to tell me why you hid that fact that you were changing Secret Keepers from me?” Here we go, Sirius thought. He knew he would have to have this discussion with Remus the moment his trial ended but he couldn’t look Remus in the eye. Sirius didn’t know if he was more consumed by grief or guilt. He forced himself to look up at Remus. He tried to put so many unsaid things into that look. Remus’ eyes widened with realisation and Sirius nodded.

“Remus,” he said, he wanted to reach out and hold his hand but did not think that the gesture would be kindly received. “I am so, so sor—”

“Don’t,” Remus said. He sounded angry and hurt. “You can’t just apologise for something… for something like this.”

“I know,” Sirius said, softly. He was so ashamed.

“No, you don’t know,” Remus said. “I trust you with every fibre of my being, Sirius. I’d trust you with my life! When you sent me that message telling me what Peter had done I believed you. There was loads of evidence against you but I didn’t suspect you even for a second! And you think that I would sell Lily and James to Voldemort based on nothing?”

“Remus, I was wrong,” said Sirius. “There’s no justification; I made a mistake and now everybody I love is suffering the consequences. But you were gone on missions for days at a time, you’d come back and you would barely talk to me. You wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“I didn’t tell you anything because Dumbledore had sworn me to secrecy! You knew that!”

“I know but Remus I was worried. I knew that you were spending a lot of time with werewolves who were rallying behind Voldemort and I was worried that they’d gotten to your head. And I tried to talk to you but you were shutting me out and I—”

“Don’t try to turn this on me!” said Remus. He was shaking. Tears were spilling from his eyes. “This is not my fault!”

“Of course it’s not,” said Sirius. He was crying too. “Of course it’s not but Remus, just try to understand where I’m coming from. I was terrified. I was terrified for James and Lily and Harry and I just—”

“I was terrified too! You know what? This was a bad idea. I think I should just go.” He stood up and walked to the door.

“No, Remus don’t! Don’t leave, please. You can’t go!”

“You… you have no right to tell me what I can and can’t do, Sirius!” Remus said. “You don’t get a say in what I do!”

“Remus please don’t go, please Rem I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” His voice was weak and clingy and pathetic; he didn’t care. He took Remus’ hand and Remus froze. Sirius stepped closer.

“I can’t be without you,” he whispered, his thumb brushing Remus’ cheek. Remus wasn’t looking him in the eyes but he wasn’t moving either. “I love you, Remus.” Sirius leaned in towards Remus and kissed him. And for a moment, he feels Remus kiss him back and in that moment Sirius really believes that everything will be ok, that everything will work itself out. But then Remus pulls away and steps back.

“Don’t! Don’t Sirius, just fucking stop! You can’t just kiss me and expect it to fix everything. You don’t get to do this!” Remus yells. “You don’t get to cry! You don’t get to guilt trip me! You don’t... you don’t get to say that you love me! You can’t fucking do that! It’s not fucking fair! Just... I need... I have to go,” he finishes quietly. “I need to get out of here. Goodbye Sirius.” Sirius watches him go. He watches him walk out the door and Disapparate. First Lily and James, then Peter and now Remus. They’re all gone. And they’re not coming back. And just like that, Sirius’ entire world collapses.

[chibinightowl]

The Fire Inside

For @myfavrobin  We all need a smokin’ hot fireman in our lives. Also posted on Ao3.

~*~

“Come on, Tim!” Kon begged, gazing up at Tim from the floor and turning on the puppy dog eyes. It should not be as effective as it was considering how long the two of them have been friends, but Tim felt his hard line waver under the onslaught. “I said no, Kon,” Tim replied firmly. He pulled his legs up and curled them against his chest, pointedly continuing to play his game. Kon’s character died long ago. Perhaps he should revive him and give him something else to focus on besides this. “But it’s for a good cause!” “I’m not saying it isn’t.” “Then why won’t you do it? It’s not like you’ve got any other jobs lined up at the moment.” Kon’s lips sealed shut when he realized his misstep. Tim paused the game and resisted the urge to throw the controller at his best friend. “I’m on vacation.”

A forced vacation perhaps, but a vacation nevertheless.  

Kon sighed as he stood and flopped down next to Tim. “Look, we all know what happened with your mom wasn’t your fault. That doesn’t mean you’ve got to sit here and sulk about it day in, day out. Seriously, when was the last time you’ve seen daylight?”

“Yesterday. I went up to the roof and read in the garden.” Tim’s building was progressive and green, a rarity in Gotham. The rooftop garden was peaceful and quiet during the day while all his neighbors worked. Worked like he used to, even if he technically doesn’t have to, Drake heir that he was.  

“Okay, fine,” Kon sighed before pressing on. “I just don’t get it, Tim. You’ve shot pro bono events like this before. You’ve had a great time doing it too. So why won’t you do this calendar for us?”

Kon was a firefighter. A firefighter with an extremely hot and sexy colleague who Tim often dreamed would put out the fires that burned inside him. Jason Todd was everything Tim found attractive in a man, plus a few things he didn’t realize he was missing out on. It killed him each and every time he had to interact with the man, which was more often than he liked since Kon was his best friend. The thought of photographing Jason as part of this calendar the firehouses in the district wanted to put out for their local charity was enough to turn Tim’s insides to Jell-O. He’d seen the man without a shirt on once and walked right into a pole as a result of it.

Nope. He’s not doing this to himself again. No way. Even if the memory of all that tanned skin still kept him awake at night and fueled some of his favorite fantasies.

Tim shook his head. “I have my reasons.”

“Are any of those reasons about six feet tall, blue eyed, with thighs thick as tree trunks?” Kon asked shrewdly.

Tim threw the controller at him. “No!” he tried, but it was too late. Kon was already grinning like the asshole he was.

“I knew it!” he crowed in delight. “You’ve got a crush on Jason!”

“What are you, ten?” Tim snapped as he tried to curl up tighter into his ball.

“Seriously, dude. You do! Why did I not figure this out before?”

“Because I was trying to hide it?”

Kon smirked and shook his head. “This explains why you walked into that pole.”

Tim cast about for something else to throw at his best friend. “Kon, please. Don’t say anything to him.”

“Why? It’s not like he’s going to laugh in your face and tell you to fuck off,” Kon replied. “He’s a dick, but not like that. Besides, when I brought up your name as a potential photographer, he seconded it immediately.”

That was unexpected. “Really?” Tim asked, perking up a bit.

“Yeah, really. In fact…” Kon trailed off, thinking over his words. That never meant anything good was about to happen. Tim braced himself, but his friend suddenly shook his head, even if there was a devious glint in his eyes. “Never mind. Anyway, please do this for us, Tim. Please. It can even be my Christmas and birthday presents next year.”

Tim knew his best friend too well to believe he was letting it go this easily. “What were you thinking, Kon?”

“I said it was nothing.”

“Nothing my lily white ass.”

Kon grinned broadly and threw the controller back at Tim. “C’mon, Tim. We’re even gonna feed you. And you know you’ve always wanted to play with a firehose.”

“Asshole.”

~*~*~

Tim was weak. So weak. He thought he could collapse right here and might just do it if it weren’t for the fact that his rather expensive camera would be crushed. Instead, he sat his ass on the concrete floor of the firehouse and hid behind the lens, already trained and focused on the subject of this particular shoot.

Jason.

Specifically, a shirtless Jason in nothing but heavy boots and stained yellow trousers held up by a thick pair of suspenders. He hung off the side of the firetruck and grinned rakishly. “Like this?” he asked.

Behind Tim, Dick Grayson, former underwear model and circus brat, was laughing as he tried to direct his friend. “You look like you should be on the cover of one of Cassie’s trashy romance novels.”

Next to him, the blonde paramedic agreed. “Yep. Except I can at least dream about those guys sweeping me off my feet.”

“Didn’t I see a cowboy on the cover of one of those recently?”

“You sure did. And guess what? He was into guys too.”

“Kinky. Can I read that one?” Jason called out.

Tim ignored their banter and snapped more pictures. More than he needed, but they didn’t need to know. “You trying for funny sexy or smoldering sexy?” he managed to ask. Jason looked more natural than anything else, but that grin was already twisting his insides into knots again.

When he found Kon, he was dead. So dead.

Admittedly, the day hadn’t been that bad. Not really. There were over a dozen volunteers from the different firehouses in the district for the event, off duty, and all having a ton of fun with choreographing and ribbing each other on as the photoshoot progressed. Tim had already swapped out his memory card for a fresh one and was pretty certain he would be making an album of all the goofy outtakes for these guys to laugh over.

Kon would still be a dead man though.

Up on the truck, Jason laughed, rich and bright as he swung around. “How about both?” he said as his lightly stubbled face contorted into something that was definitely not sexy nor smoldering.

“Flynn Rider, you are not!” Cassie hooted. “I don’t think goofy sexy is going to sell calendars.”

“I told ya, all we need to do is put Dickie there in a Speedo and we’re set!” Jason retorted as he made another face that Tim quickly caught for posterity. The playful mood helped calm his nerves somewhat.

“Hey, just because I used to flaunt it doesn’t mean I have to now,” Dick shot right back. “That’s why you’re in the money shot and not me.”

Dick had asked Tim before they even started if he would put Jason on the cover of the calendar rather than him. He didn’t mind participating, it was for a good cause after all, but as he put it, the days where his body and junk were on display for the world to see were long gone. Tim immediately acquiesced and rearranged a few of the ideas he had arrived at the station with, even if working closer with Jason was starting to wear on him.

Or rather, wear out his plethora of boner killer images. Tim felt like he’d been walking around at half-mast all morning. Sure, all the men and women around him were attractive and in great physical shape, but Jason seemed to eschew wearing a shirt at all today, even when he wasn’t in front of the camera. All the skin and muscles were getting to him, but right now, it was the faint trail of hair disappearing into Jason’s pants that kept distracting Tim the most. What was he wearing under those? Boxers? Briefs? Nothing?

If he kept it up, Tim was pretty sure Cassie would be performing mouth-to-mouth on him before lunch.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jason replied. “Okay, how about this?” He concentrated, schooling his features into a brooding pout and locked his eyes intently on Tim.

Tim swallowed and kept silent, even as he snapped more pictures. God, through the lens, he could see Jason’s brilliant blue eyes so clearly. That was definitely a smolder.

Still, something was off, and Tim was a professional. He lowered his camera. “Do you have your hat?” he asked. “You know, the big bucket shaped one?”

Dick snickered even as the pout fell off Jason’s face as he started laughing again. “And to think Kon calls you his best friend.”

“Just because he’s my best friend doesn’t mean I know what all your equipment is called.”

“Gimme a sec.” Jason hopped off the truck and brushed against Tim as he walked away.

Tim waited until he was out of sight to collapse against the ground, letting out a deep breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“You alright down there, Tim?” Cassie asked teasingly. She and Kon were an on again, off again thing, so Tim knew her pretty well. “If it’s CPR you need, I think I’ll refer you to someone else who would be much more willing to help you relearn how to breathe.”

Tim flipped her off, which made Dick cackle in glee. He was such a dick, even if he did have a pretty face. “I’m gonna kill Kon.”

“Nah, he’s blameless for once. Anyone with half a brain could figure it out.”

Dick squatted down next to him. “Tim, I’m going to let you in on a little secret that’s not really secret to anyone who works here. Except maybe Kon. He’s special like that.”

Tim cracked open an eye. “What?” he asked warily.

“Jason likes you too.”

Huh? Tim sat up quickly and blinked, his heart thundering in his chest. “What?”

“You heard me.” Dick stood and offered Tim a hand up. “He’s had a thing for you ever since the little community carnival you helped out at a while back.”

That was months ago. “If I’m so obvious, then why hasn’t he said anything?”

Cassie snorted loudly as Dick pulled Tim to his feet. “Because he’s just as big an idiot as you are,” she said. “Now that you know, maybe you can do something about it.”

“Wow. Okay. You sure?”

“Positive.”

Tim was still lost in a swirl of emotions when Jason jogged back over, carrying his helmet. Muscles rippled under bare skin and Tim’s mouth watered. Holy cow. If he didn’t somehow screw up, he could actually touch all that skin, or play with the pale nipples that peek out from under those suspenders, and, most importantly, find out exactly what that dark trail of hair leads to.

Oh, who was he kidding? He was Tim Drake. He was bound to screw this up. It was practically his MO for relationships.

“You okay?” Jason asked, reaching out to clasp Tim on the shoulder. “You thirsty?”

Cassie rolled her eyes as she looked away, unable to contain her laugh. “Oh, he’s thirsty for something, alright.”

“We’ll go grab some water bottles and check on lunch. I don’t know why we left Kon and Roy in charge of food.” Dick grabbed hold of Cassie’s arm and dragged her away. Neither quite made it far enough before they broke down in laughter.

“What’s with them?” Jason looked between Tim and his friends in confusion.

“I’m sure you’ll find out later,” Tim replied. Jason was still touching him. His hand was hot against the thin t-shirt he wore. The cool air of the firehouse grew warmer the longer it stayed in place, but that could also be the flush rising up the back of Tim’s neck.

“Yeah, probably.” Jason squeezed Tim’s shoulder lightly before he let go. “So, uh, we gonna finish this?”

Without the others around, things were surprisingly awkward. Tim bit his lip, debating about whether he should speak up or if he should just let Jason find out later after he leaves. His nerves were shot, and it didn’t help matters at all that he could feel the heat radiating off Jason, standing as close as he was.

“Let’s do it,” Tim replied, shoving everything aside to focus on the task at hand. He had one job to do and that was make Jason look as incredible as possible for the cover of this calendar. He could do this. He was a professional. He had photographed some of the most beautiful people in the world for some of the biggest fashion magazines around, even if he privately thought none of them could hold a candle to the man next to him.

Jason put on his helmet and got back up on the truck. He tried hard, Tim would grant him that, but everything felt off. The sizzling energy from earlier was gone and even Jason knew it. He slumped against the truck as Tim swiped through the photos he’d just taken, frowning.

“I’m sorry, Tim. I guess I need to be razzed up or something and now that the peanut gallery is gone…” he trailed off, running a hand through mussed up hair. His helmet sat at his feet.

Tim raised his camera just in time to catch the despondent look. Even like this, Jason was still photogenic.

It was time to make a decision. He could either use one of the shots he’d gotten earlier without the helmet or he could help his subject find that special energy again. Tim glanced at Jason and caught him staring.

The fire ignited once more.

Tim found himself being drawn in closer like a moth attracted to the flame. He took another picture as Jason’s lips parted into that same sensuous pout from before, his eyes intense and brooding.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me right now, Tim?” Jason asked hoarsely.

“Probably the same thing you’re doing to me,” Tim replied, taking one last picture.

“Yeah? We gonna do something about it?”

Tim lowered his camera. It was a heady feeling, knowing that he somehow turned this gorgeous hunk of a man on. Those were bedroom eyes, ones that he could feel stripping him down to his soul. “It depends,” he said, slowly striding forward.

“On what?” Jason crossed his arms over his chest, drawing Tim’s eye to the spread of his shoulders and all the heavy muscle of his upper body.

“What are the chances we’re going to get some actual privacy around here?”

“Slim to none,” Jason replied. “We’re being watched, you know.”

“Of course, we are.”

“Just kiss already!” Kon’s voice erupted from the other side of the garage. “I got money on this, Tim! You owe me!”

More laughter echoed out around from around them. “No, it has to be Jason!” Cassie shouted. “Do it, Jay! My money’s on you!”

Jason’s head slammed against the side of the fire engine even as Tim’s cheeks blazed under the force of his embarrassment. So much for the moment. At least he had his picture now.

Tim sighed and stepped away, but Jason’s arm snaked out and grabbed hold of him, drawing him close. His hands touched searing skin, and Tim barely managed to keep his camera from crushing into Jason’s chest.

Jason took hold of the camera and carefully swung it around the strap so that it hung down Tim’s back. “Want to fuck up all their bets?”

This was something Tim was very much on board with. “On three?”

“One.” Jason cradled the side of Tim’s face in one of his large hands.

“Two.” Tim reached up and tangled his fingers in Jason’s dark hair.

“Three.”

Their mouths met in a fiery clash even as hoots and shouts of encouragement and laughter rained down around them. Tim moaned under the onslaught and gave as much as he got, refusing to back down. It seemed to turn Jason on even more as his other arm wrapped around him, forcing Tim closer so that he could feel the solid wall of man and muscle pressed against every inch of him. Tim’s free hand dropped to Jason’s waist and traced the edge of the trousers that have been bothering him all morning. At the small of Jason’s back, Tim dared to sneak his fingers under the heavy fabric, wanting an answer to that all important question.

Tim’s questing fingers found nothing but bare skin.

Okay, so maybe Kon wasn’t so dead after all.