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abbyccpsarts · 5 years

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Process Journal

Link to my Learning Agreement

2.10.20

This week I organized all of the Polaroids I’ve taken thus far into mini books to help organize and protect the film. I’m still working on finalizing the list of “bucket list” items I want to complete, as well as what the journal entry prompts will be. Besides the pretty big gap in research that I have with this, my project doesn’t feel “substantial” enough right now, if that makes any sense.

Some of the photos below!

(above is from the museum I went to, below is from my trip to Israel!)

Additionally, I did a critical response workshop with fellow Arts Scholar Adriana Alonzo:

Critical Response Process-w/ Adriana Alonzo

Statements of Meaning:

- Likes how this project has an air of “fulfillment”

- “Fun” premise; Makes it real life, not a HW assignment

Artist as the Questioner:

Research angle: the mental health benefits of traveling, journaling; Research the individual aspects of your project

- Logging mental health over a long period of time

-follow up research on the ones I enjoyed

Neutral Questions

- How many “experiences” do you plan having; do you know

Goal between 10-12; subsections within each “header”; don’t have final list

- How are you going to set up website?

Current plan is to have a gallery, but also direct links to each experience; A more clean cut design than the original scrapbook

- Any research on website?

Probably gonna have a page about that; be the home screen? (maybe not)

Permissioned Opinions

- Do you like the experiences I’ve brought up?

“It’s cute! I think the mix you have is good; always people to relate, like you want”

2.12.20

I had my advisor conference today with Heather and she gave me some really great advice on avenues I can go down for the research end of things. One thing Heather said that is really sticking with me is what she said about making this an experiment of sorts—I’m not just going to complete these bucket list experiences, but having a common theme/experiment throughout that will help me connect them. What if this experiment was prose related? I wanted to add in a writing element other than journaling originally so this could be my opportunity to do that.

I’ve also decided to use Wix for the final web format. It’s easy to use but also has the opportunity for “advanced tinkering,” as I like to say.

2.17.20

I’ve had a breakthrough today—I was hanging out with my writer friend and I remembered a while back she was talking about how one of her english classes had them do an assignment where they had to “people watch” for thirty minutes once a week and write down some of the conversations they overheard. My friend used this to help better her dialogue in her writing. I’ve decided to emulate this but take it a step further: I’m going to go to places I’ve always wanted to go to, but I’m going to people watch at these places—write down snippets of conversation I might overhear, etc—and then choose a subject/person to write a short story about. This allows me to not only experience new things, but try and put myself in a new mindset, context, by writing in these places about someone/something else. Because there’s a new, more time-consuming and creative-consuming element to this capstone, I think it’s wise that I aim for 5-6 total pieces/experiences instead of the originally intended 10-12.

2.19.20

I had my first look presentation today and overall I’ve gotten some really good feedback from everyone. I still need to thoroughly go through the flashcards I got from everyone, but so far everyone seems to like the direction it's going, even giving some great suggestions for what format the stories should be in (flash fiction maybe? Or even dabble in poetry as well) and how I could narratively tie all the stories together. Below is the google document I used to succinctly point out the differences and similarities between this “new” capstone and the old one.

A Collection of Stories Inspired by People (or Wizard) Watching

SIMILAR ELEMENTS

Still In a web format

Still involves me going out and trying new things; simply asks me to be more engaged with my surroundings and other people there

Still involves reflection/journaling on my part

Still involves a photographic complement

DIFFERENT ELEMENTS

New narrative element- I’m writing a short story about a person experiencing the space I’m in;

Possibly contrasting and/or complementing that story to my own personal emotions tied to that space

Story is going to be the main focus, while my own thoughts are going to be secondary

RESEARCH

Fairly new idea, so I’m working on curating a new list of sources, but I’m going to primarily focus on researching the benefits of people watching, actively being creative in a new space (seeing how that affects my writing process), etc

2.21.20

Today I started messing with Wix a bit. I’m definitely jumping ahead on my schedule and ignoring what I should really be doing (research!!) but I’m giving myself some breathing room to get my thoughts and such accumulated to this new idea. I don’t want to share any pictures of my website bare bones until

2.24.20

My goal for this week (on top of research) was to compile a rough list of the places I want to go for writing this story. A lot of the preliminary reserach I’ve done on writing/being creative in a new space suggests having a “control;” this means, in regards to this particular project, that I need to write in a space I’m familiar with and see how that differs from writing in a completely new space. Then there’s also the question of how I’ll write at the beginning when I’m first introduced to the new space, and then how’ll write once I get slightly more acclimated to the space. Regardless, here are my ideas for where to people watch/write as of today:

(1) Starbucks route 1 [serves as my control for this “experiment”]

(2) Bookstore/Restaurant (I’m visiting one next Thursday for a comedy show)

(3) “Somewhere” in NYC (visiting w/ scholars—write during free time?)

(4) Center of a campus (not UMD— maybe Towson? over Spring Break?)

I don’t want a totally “complete” list yet, as I want opportunities to present themselves as I go along, but I still think it’s good to have a basic list of things to do. I think the first thing that I’ll end up doing is either the Starbucks one (my control) or the bookstore/restaurant since I’m attending a comedy event at one next Thursday.

3.1.20

I haven’t really made much headway in research, writing, or anything to be honest. I had a pretty busy weekend—worked most of Friday and all of Saturday— and now I’m starting to get a little bit nervous. I’m switching up my weekly plan a bit and having this week be primarily research and working on my annotated bibliography. Then maybe I’ll have a good idea of how I want to go about people watching for the comedy show this Thursday.

3.4.20

Last week we had arts scholars alumni join us for our weekly discussions. While I was expecting a plethora of great advice from each of them, It was also great to hear about how they each struggled, and that changing your mind is okay.

3.10.20

Tonight we heard that school is going to be closed down for the next month or so because of the current worldwide health situation (it might be a pandemic. we don’t know yet). As much as I hate to admit it I’m more annoyed than anything, but I understand how paramount safety and health is over any frustrations I might have. I know we’ll adjust accordingly. I hadn’t really thought about how this was going to affect my capstone until now. Hopefully I’ll still be able to travel to new places. Everything’s pretty hectic right now so we’ll see what the next few weeks bring.

3.25.20

Creativity; Time Management Chosen Technique: Incubation. While I’ve utilized “taking a break” while I’m working, (going to take a walk, etc) I’ve never really considered it in the context of “this is my time to let my thoughts marinate.” I really enjoyed reframing my mindset while taking incubation breaks and found that it allowed me to not only work longer, but more effectively.

3.31.20

It’s been an interesting month to say the least. I’m going to have to change my capstone quite a bit in light of the rest of the semester being online and not being able to travel to write my pieces. I’m really not quite sure what I’m going to do, but we’ll see. I have nothing to show at this time. I have my research but I haven’t dived into writing because I’m unsure of what direction to go in. Perhaps after I talk with Heather I’ll have some more direction.

4.5.20

Curation Rapid Prototyping Exercise: essentially, my sketching revolved around the various menu tabs I want for my website.

- An Artist’s Statement/Process page (BTS)

- Research page

- A central page for someone to visit that organizes all of the pieces onto one “table of contents” that links to each pieces individual page

- An individual page for each piece

- A contact page?

Second Advisor Meeting: 4/9/20

I met with my arts advisor (Heather!) over ZOOM today and thank god because I can salvage this capstone. I honestly with I’d reached out to her sooner. We’ve found a way to salvage my research and redirect/reword it to fit the current situation. I’ll be writing about rooms in my house that I’ve changed emotions for. It plays into my research on the Differential Susceptibility Hypothesis (our susceptibility of change due to environmental factors) and change itself. I want these pieces to encapsulate a clear before and after, and how that may have negatively or positively affected me.

Second Look Presentation: 4/17/20

Going into the second look presentations I felt more grounded in what I wanted to write about and the literary mediums I was going to write about. However I still feel like I’m lacking focus. Heather’s feedback on my central question really had me think about how I can clarify and specify the focus and the audience of my capstone. I’ve decided to rephrase my central question as: What’s new? It proposes that something has changed, but it allows me the flexibility to offer different answers with each prose. I intend to add some context to this question on my Wix page (perhaps in the process section?).

4.21.20

For my show and tell I’d like to share a screenshot of the brainstorming process of my pieces right now, alongside a few little rough excerpts. I’ve also thought of doing a mini photo shoot to provide visuals for each of these pieces if I have time.

#CPSA process journal

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pippingamer · 7 years

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Red Queen Theory

In Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass, the Queen of Hearts is quoted saying “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.“ In 1973, this quote was used to describe a theory of co-evolution among species by a man named Leigh Van Valen. He hypothesized that animals go extinct, not from faster evolution of competing species, but from the former species’ lack of evolution. In essence, according to Valen, all species evolve at the same rate, and they must keep evolving at the fastest rate possible just to maintain the balance with other competing species.

You have to run as fast as you can, just to stay where you are.

That’s my week in a nutshell.

I’ve been doing all I can to lose more weight (minus going to the gym due to an errant spider bite in my sons ear. No superpowers to report yet, but we’re still hopeful.) But it seems that some weeks go by with massive results, and some weeks just trudge along with no results, but I’m just as happy to have not gained weight.

And so you see me... I have lost no weight this week. I am still 265 which is great to me. I’m still 90 lbs lost and more to come I’m sure, but again, I have to keep going just as fast as I can just to stay where I am. This week will be better.

I have a very rigorous weekend of cleaning planned, which I hope will aid in my descent down the BMI ladder, with the by-product of actually cleaning the yard.

For those out there wondering about last Thursday’s post, well, there wasn’t one. There WAS one technically, but before I could press the Post button, my computer crashed and I lost an hour’s worth of typing. I was not inclined to give my computer the satisfaction of watching me type it all over again, so I decided to forgo my post in favor of waiting until now to post again. You may all receive a full refund for the lack of proper post schedule adherence.

Thursday’s post was also a bit too negative anyway. I had a man I respect very much approach me at the gym and ask me if I had lost weight, and was I dieting and exercising. I explained that I had had surgery, and he quickly withdrew from me. He cocked his head to the side and squinted in a “What a shame” kinda way. He left saying, “Well, at least you’re exercising.” Last week the wound was a bit fresh, but now it just seems like “Meh. If I had had the surgery to impress you, I would be upset, but I’m getting the results I wanted with or without your approval.”

So, next Thursday, I do hope to be able to tell you all how I’ve lost all this weight and I am back on track. Until then, though, I’ll have to just keep running as fast as I can just to stay where I am (which coincidentally is the premise behind a treadmill as well)

Cya!

HW: 356 lbs

SW: 346 lbs

CW: 265 lbs (again)

WL: 91 lbs

Goal: 230 lbs <--- NEW GOAL! And it’s a NUMBER!

#Nintendo #Powerfest 94 #weight loss #gastric sleeve #alice in wonderland #alice through the looking glass #evolution #red queen

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taakotaakos-remade · 8 years

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TAYLOR SWIFTS BIRTHDAY IS 1989. can u guise please check in at least once? it would mean a lot to me. oka love u bye see u later no read this : election 2016....279 donald trump....two.... seven(-fully restore.).. nine is -nothing is stolen...verison 7... had been audited because they disregarded the means of full restoration... which then was raped by a nothing is stolen... and espensive.... 279....okay... we will have enough power.... nothing was stolen...our false gained competitors were shown in the light.... we are secure we have enough power now..okay forget it this is complete lottery this is the big one........this is flora 7-taylor illuminati(psychoc acid) mistranlated the first year...s....so... but eveerything paid back rite? according to white house..... guardina(psychos inteligence-satan) emergency room with starbuck nine-tw. second scenario.... hillary clinton... two the one-(cara!!!!! what the hell was that throw guitar a la paper towns)then raped by a 8....full 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anyways everyone see the road springdale road! wth trees!... and springbrook is on route... so we know.. its not secret , if i quit now and vow never to cooperate with any party r will be in the cherry hill er (hanging out in starbuck, coffee work, cafe flora, near springdale road in cherry hill. until 2023. we will have air amenities at least past 2023. cara is a hardball negotiatior. if r does not pay until 2023. way/ia -yelyah maximum taylor maximum hayley maximum cara tove r maximum or entry level 12. 10. we are training then:') davy jones stepp on land for 10 years. every 10 years. if there is interference or it does not happen everyone pinpointed as cause will have bursts of air attack on them until their death. and likely it will continue 100 years after r dies. there are 400,000,000 affiliates and fremenimies and enimies of r and they have access to everything in the quad state infastructure as well as verison and it also includes verison. r must slowly unearth eveeryone she has encountered during the fame, from 2006-2013.... and compensate them paid in full by 2023. after 2023 r will start anew all over the same thing probably ' but a run for fun not run to their death gambit' and have extreme financing and trust the united stayes, the united nations(requires full compensation) and the secret service and the mafias are all on vacaytion, they are just participating, there is no cohesive goal or arrangement. we sample everything at different times such is taht and R-er or russia er(mostly) or part nelson er . also taylor and hayley er presence is notciced muchly. until 2023, aka code cera video games will run and plan until, tho it is not tightly integrated and accesibly storylined and linear to each micromananging variable, so many infinite variables and changes we will all experience together almost too fast for a trend also: the scorpion king imprinted me on my mommy via car a white midrange imprint.... and knocked out the ig part failedtest and burnt the sex extreme with biker to compensate her fully so i can continue the nfl ea olympics later when i am alive. many reasons and things done simultaneosly whoeva cut off nelsons leg tried to cut off audios legs in atlantic city.... then ran over multiple policemen and firemen.... and lastly ran over both audios feet.....trying to cut her legs off twice! many have surmised it was car mafia ll mafia italian or such they cut off nelsons leg cuz the weather was too late.... and it dint pan out. sometimes ultraluxury titanium armours health problems and accidents, but audio did not have the right or power over such things i am 20 times more sensitive than each individual to the effects. also get high from acid- trip intensely easily, everyone wants smaller dos to include the public and the women if u have not noticed on female celebrities, female teen celebrities, white gurls, white teen gurls, secret service, mi, illuminati, ig, united stays, steam powered, ri, blizzard, way ea, activision, infinity ward, telepathy, internet shopping, me/ia , way, tablets scrolls architecture power, li, blags, music, movies, tv shows, stores such as cw, tablet and phone gaming apps, starbuck, rite aid, linda mafia, nelson construction mafia, italian mafia, russian mafia, biker mafia, frog mafia, amazon optimus prime, mafia, female na latin global triangle mafia, ku klux klan mafia, i forgot a bunch from blacking out, please dont injure me from forget remind notify instead, mi mafia. illum dad mafia, which is global illuminati mafia, car mafia, hospital way mafia, grammy mafia, united stays ss mafia, i have 10 - 12 bone marks strikes to the front of the neck back of neck, top of head both feet united states salute, and such.... black triangle gurls 3 back of the ear, its bones.....ran over so i can get extremely meds during walking-hw..... ti, fast food, cvs, wawa, target, walgreens, shoprite, acme, bank of america, td bank, citizens bank, commerce bank. atms, cash, money, fort knox, walmart, bars, strip clubs, it, mall groups, origin.com, verison television, lte, social networks, 802.11ac wifi, nfc, nxp, aw, dragontouch, bluetooth, krell, parasound halo, bob carver, electrostatics, grado, magico s7 loudspeaker, streaming, xfinity, sprint, att, food delivery, tips, every bank, moorestown, fort dix, cherry hill, z, voorhees, x, haddon heights, deleware ave, cherry hill library, 7-11, marlton, maple shade, guitar center, best buy, cheesecake factories, friendly's, ott's chez elena wu, ritz seafood, car mike cinemas, c, atlantic city, ocean city, las vegas, milan, italy, sweden, switzerland, london england, austrailia, paris, france, promenade, florence, new york, philadelphia, old city, kingston, stadiums, tweeter center, washington dc, texas, nashville tennessee, barcelona, spain, puerto rico, russia, italy, india, ireland, antactica, ticketmaster, stubhub, south street, youtube, vevo, soundcloud, spotify, apple, iheartradio app, onyko hifi player, tplus, pandora, internet explorer, microsoft edge, female celebrity: tumblrs-twitters, myspace, snapchat, insta, facebooks, microsoft windows all versions, fast load times, autorepair, windows updates, netflix, tv chanel apps such as fox, or disney xd, starz hd llc...amazon music and video, mtv app, fierce females, victorious, android, ios, microsoft, msn, mediamonkey, playstation, xbox, nintendo, google, yahoo, aol.com, bing search, adobe flash, java, tumblr, twitter, myspace, instagram, facebook, snapchat female celeb verizon or internet facetime......----tw/verison/swift/taylor or part-time-awards show celebs-female, or hayley planning throught the day or week, its a fully compensate everyone for a one.... at the 5th reiteration of way or ia with tw......at the mafia 5.... so u may have to run en until a 5th glance.... at the fifth it compensates for everything klan and one.... whilst full compensation for blag and chink runs continuosly... this will go on for years....sometimes people dont know... even people near location... and they may try to create less glance.... even as the 5th compensation includes their compensation... i urge u to let them allow many looks or ni or esplaination for theirs and everyones sake'.... the amount of coma is determeined by the amount of friends i have.... i need to compensate many years.... before i am coherent.... friends, which it seems as everyone nowadays is.... imean female but tizzown u kno... turnpuke,,,,,, anywhere i was gpsed and or....corporate sponsorship.... during the legacy.....and each one i talked about..... at.... every store.,.... mall groups......bars.... strip clubs......burlington, somerdale, stratford, route 206 with all sos male cars flying against me, atlantic ciyt...... expect a full compensation then u may rescue me what is overhardened is fractured. what is fractured is remolded 13 call of duty ghosts: left and right speaker are switched. r and n is switched...grenade launcher and taticals are switched....i am putting out data and i am not recieving the data in my joourney. but i am the originator of such data the hair products technology in the town is developed for one reason… one person…. audio….. so she had to b the one to clean our mess…….. and expose source both mls and j seems to be the problem.... but i dont push the issue these first years... but they to vblame S R baby d, or baby c. baby c,d, are a’s the representatives for the eating or protectors or marriage of environment…. to nexus…. here is the theory…. the a’s are sexualy attached…. as instinct to protect….. not a random urge which may lead to casualty in such unstable times and mentalities….. the schematics, when normal is such, for a round four corners. G or g is a round top. a J would be a round bottom….. it is assumed…. the protectors of the region are J’s or j;s…. cuz audio is baby does not take things… u have to feed her btw…. she cannot feed herself… she has sexual anoroxia….. recieves…… gifts…. already to subconciosly powerful…. cannot have regal power too much……. but the reasons for these ideas are not for play…. they are for anti-terroristic measure…. to create guardinas. or protectors of each location….. local….-tizzown….. state—turnpuke——nj where i traverse…… and national… such as hayley tennessee or taylor texas katraina….. or AC atlantic city natural disaster international…. such as sweden or london, england ,,,,, each a is a sexified representative of each location…. to protect them/region from natural disaster….. the sex creates a need to protect….. to create connection…. and diplomacy…. and extreme subconscious love sacrifice and benefit…….. will never let anything kill her….. and thousands of people surrounding her…… i will do anything in my power to….. even get maimed…… to save her….. instead of inhumanely striking a individual from place to place and torturing from position to position….. torture creates hardening…. which makes things immobile and unresponsive over time…. in terms of striking from place to place……. which creates a terroristic monster…… during anyways time when everything is out of sorts….. the ideas multimillion dollar ideas are not to be mutated switched or played with….. they are carefully crafted by eye and united states gov…. to create balance and protection from weapons of mass destruction and or large scale acts of nature……we have to keep residence clear of other stimuli during…. which means lack of humen…… which mommy leaves a neutral footprint…. is nonsenstive… tank…. hardened……she absorbes Anything in proximity… and it goes in her thouts and influences…. so we should create limits of what influences everything…… isolation is not bad during….. with tumblr babysitter……..and it would be nice if she could choose what is in her presence instead of male or aggresive things invading a passive object that reflects them……..during this time…..we need to bring back…… town a’s local a’s and such…. as a precaution….. they have been missing….. public has been missing…. public ideas have been missing for two years……we must if we have j’s replace it for j’s with reason…… which are gurls…..and also we need to reduce the jew problem by half…….in house and in town if that is what u beleive…… if u look at mirror blog…. which reflects my thouts….. and what is the purpose of such large investment….. there should only be one blue i outside…. and one L in the garage….. both fit each other like a pattern….. there should be no other intrusions….. both the i and the l are separated in the house…. and when together…. they are nonsensitive. i am moon most of the time… even i give day rush hour morning to neighbors…… even though they are separated by house walls… lawns…. and many meters R - S - c or d (baby) please please please include tizzown and interstate again... for imaging and protection of the environment anyways things changed. there are 3 todaste R is for gurls in tizzown, female. women.... c and d R's tumblr twitter and fb is all young women R's fans are gurls S is men and boys i want pictures and e to be cute :) im also going to change my address to. nmd for now.... im working on this...... to make hapy :) tumblr, hey li will save me. the dead will save me..... if u listen and keep reading i will be oka. proximity and using devices that have the letters on. or one in it. i dont know if i talk about the lawnmower they will retailate shadowplay was on overdrive so it amplifies damage and pain by with superfuck heavy 10 to 40 times more tortura. my programs like tumblr google. computers shut down automaticaly and browsers and tumblr and video games wont open. or quit immediately...... i fixed shadowplay and paid my bills last month..... i hope to bee away any pull out the tumblr google windows updates cord.... its extremely sensitive. if i use tumblr 30 seconds more then it blocks me out of tumblr.... can u bee it away? it looks like shadowplay steering wheel. u know the story... did not subscribe... forgot two years.... right now.... shadowplay is shut down declawed and does not actualy inflict torture. but we cemented autoshut down from minute uses ..... anyways we have volume probkem.... so people were insubordinate from bad things. 2. impossible conditions jew lawyer on urself on purpose. no the law never actualy works that way. that is a cover. u misconstrued. im sory for ur misconstrution it has not worked on me. cuz i already know that cover so im not jewelry big suprise well sparkles at least actualy no thats to figure out u it has to be processed on ur base has to be pure specialy if u have a job and not playing around all day like us. theroretica MY CONNECTIONS AND CONTRACTS ARE BASED ON THIS. “ a duck must either destroy all the pretty and beawtiful prospects surrounding me. (I am very popular) or sabotage the system to make room artlivelove31  · 3h3 hours ago to have waters run deep between me and you would look more idea. if u are deeply wanted and needed. it reciporacates more mercy on each side a pretty or beawtiful or cute girl. is governemtn blue. a prospect actively wanted needed and loved. in slavery to have waters run deep w/u in slavery, would you like to be enslaved by something u love, or not? a duck is a unattractive prospect a ugly prospect a unwanted prospect - if u are asexual or a big hairy dick u are a duck if u are divine, if u are a goddess, a object of need and want and love. if I worship u….. u are not a duck I am extremely popular and beloved. im surrounded by goddesses of love and lust and beawty sexual attractive is define duck I AM 6/2 cut my teeth on celebrity wedding rings--- so. ima EXTREMELY SOCIALY SKILLED i have alot of friends. very popular. mostly white by chance. dont come here! its a trap! the in the air is torture! hc is all wearing sag masks and taking medication! for emergency. it numbs u and u cant decisions. dial for hair and air filters. please if u move here. AIR FILTERS IS A MUST. cvs sells prescription medication for such things. create levels that u wish for eveyrone in ch put their kids on sag mask medication so no one is going to risk killing their kid in one second. they have to make the decisions so parents less gas mask. — :/ UNDERAPPRECIATED3 that is y we did not abuse the power it will normalize they are exterminating all the bugs men and women!!!!! 2014 is extermination year!!!!! plz dont stap by the hizzouze or access the tumblr.!!!!! i suppose this is a persuasion vacation years? or year. i dont kno yet. the only editing i did on ja reflection is the delete button. thats all. sory assholes The problems caused by cooped-up-ness that's also SFA fault also. for agreeing to hide. away from everyone all the time Its too much. its too much $ for a household. but its early in development. okay. also IMPORTANT! WE ARE CLEANING ON PREMISES. WE REQUIRE LOTS OF TIME MEANING. HOPEFULLY WE WILL BE READY BEFORE DEC 1 MY BIRTHDAY IF CONDITIONS PERMIT. IM NOT SURE ABOUT HOW LONG THE CLEANING WILL BE FOR. AND there are some obstacles like money and such and also im all like wierded out and such and all those thingys and factors i improvise as best i can but im sometimes not that precise lately. anyways this is a run on and i want to say alot but i havent spoken and stap,. wait. okay. also ============================== last of all and most important. i love u all. please im asking and begging frankly plz be safe for me. and thank you for not ruining this for everyone. ====== cuz i spend so much time and effort being scared. ;) - imean wait no being concerned and watchful and caring for all of u. and the people the closer networks, spending lots of consideration and time caring watching and planning so that they are okay and all of u as a whole. r ok. and a small fraction of our time and my alone time actually scared. like scared for yalls wellbeing. seriosly. ============================== ok. to sum it up i love u b safe for me plz. i will be here for u in time. soon as i finish this cleaning. u can tell ur friends about the cleaning. u dont need to secret taht up. the cleaning part. code it tho. thats easier and safer. like my blog. which is code and acronyms. duh. so, therefore please stay away for a wiles for cleaning. im disorganized so bear with me. whats the point? scare? clean? thats not the point. that is a insulting cover clean does exit the haspital tho. which makes life much betta without too much bm but physical clean does not subtract retained power. or audio……… dissapoint does oka we got updated. which then, it almost killed me. speaking of killing. i died twice. the first looking down….. and i had a which tumblr gurls balanced my heaviness. but it was a matter of time…. a underage gurl stole my in spoon me…. i was blasting taylor swift parked in front…. windows open. on the passenger seat….. when i went in to use the bathroom and came out. the wire connect there was there, but not the …… after losing the …. everyone converged on me…. trying to get in my bed… or everyone just connected all at once… i could not defend…..thats when i looked down and my head struck the concrete…… u kno it sucks. in atlantic city 1 week later after the signal...... as i lay dying…. i said its oka…. im v…. i will be oka…. and i passed out…… i hear muttering….. yeah…. she dead….. but u kno…… rumour is her body is made entirely of george washington wata…….. taylor and posibly even taylors friends got realy mad at vhs and cw and spoon me…. and i died… so it was a big deal…. she block me from sharing with stbk and spoon me and cw… for two years! but its oka… every share was blistering harsh painful….. then closed spoon me… and then changed the name… there must of been a rumour saying people were bragging. the data was shared and sold….. at the time. they said…… with many gurls or alot of teenagers i think.i supose that was bragging. when the convergence happened…… the air was striking the house everywhere. it was like trash flying everywhere….. i did not could not remember… i could not think….. so i did the first thing i was trained to do…. i placed a warning on my phone….. via internet…. i believe i left emergency instructions….. and such….. and alerts….. then someone sent me telepahtic message…. some one is going to try to kill me…. and i should alert the auorities….. so i ran out of the house immediately….. went to pnc bank….. and the teller….. latina…. was replaced by a blonde terminator,,,, she was beawtiful….. there was not much in the bank…… i ran away. fast. looking in all directions…. following coded messages thruout the route to north jersey….. where i could place a emergency code….. in one of the turnpike desginated sate and natnal beacons……. it was a park…… i made it there and signaled. and anwyways everyone along the turnpike psychicly read me all along the way. we were communicating. and that gets sent to state and local and also and guardina and mafia. in atlantic city. my head hit the concrete…. no one told me to dump the car in the atlantic ocean….. but there was mafia decoys… and as i said i had a false escort….. undercover car…. false siren and all……meaning a paid car……. as a decoy….. which urged me and led me into instead a casino….. with a car bomb of satan……… which i thout taht joke was terible…. there was also a acura escort-same as mansion house… so u kno…. it was marked hi end mafia……. …. when i came back from my death….. i looked uppp. and died agains…… and once again taylor and taylor women and hayley got angry….. and many other groups……. miss taylor then u kno what she and cali and tw did? my head was on concrete slammed already. not healed. and they dragged me facefirst on 2000 miles of black street concrete…… and i exclaimed! i have A galaxy blackface! and i was conceptioned… down….. is i am become a blonde terminator…. i am… i have been heavily medicated…. for some time now…… these medications are mixed with things… and are state of the art…… they can put these in anything. even crack…. up…… is satan….. and guardina….. and the reason i could not share data with stbk and cw for years now…..networks and went left….. because we are evolving… and im heavily and we…. are all heavily medicated….. and gurls that live here. and hang out in stores outside…….. im sory i died twice…… and we are gifted…. everything is a gift….. i am not penalized…. i am creating eye. for everyone. every mistake….. everything intolerable….. is a extreme gift….. u are….. i am changing all of u…… and gurls…… u could not easily enter the hizzzouze…. i kno…. im not permadead….. they wanted u to have the gift…. but not have to risk infiltrating hizzouze. so they put it out everywhere. for u to eat and breathe outside. walking around…. living in it…. so they spread it all over outside where u can hang out and still eat the medication. its rough and uncomfortable…. sometimes…. the only time u are well gifted is if it is intolerable…. cw stbk tizzowns are become next gen….. i made few mistakes…. im sory for that….. but im going realy long…. im thankful for that……. everytime i hit the turnpike…. im weaponizing state and and secret and mob hitmen and guardina…… after i go….. they buy 20 dollars of gas…. and drive up and down the turnpike 24 hours straight. i make psychic. i make weaker terminators. i make guardina….. mommy is evolved too……. moreso on location if i share too much… they get mad. if i share too much tizzowns also got mad…. but the peopl did not know….. during compensation period….. everything is gift…..extreme gift……. this is klan…. tumblr…. u have to wait…. this is gifting sharing…….i am blonde terminator… and guardina… and thats y u were driven from house…. and i could not connect to cw and stbk and and others. we are making civilizations…. and gurls… u kno… all of u have a upgrade…… its not a secret…….…. oka. basic medication package esplained. medicatoin bids are done via. air, which bids take effect within seconds. medicatoin bids done via ingestion via beverages food inside and outside the house via ss switching takes effect 20 minutes to 1 hour. switching outside fast food. coffee… beverages in the house kitchen medicatoins bids done via inhalation. oka we covered that medication bids done via contact…. or absorbtion via land, water air, furniture, clothes, devices, female hand to hand or full body…. such is minutes seconds to hours within the bid medication bids done via injection take about 24 hours to take effect…. medicatoins bids done via circulation take seconds to minutes… and are sometimes extended release medication bids run throughout the day/….. and sometimes there are random chemistry scans via toliet pipes at home and in stores and analysis of landscape medication propelled via machine…. and walls and furniture of public places scanned…. to ensure a low level of mismedicatoin from enimies which they have the technology….. but use it sparingly because of privacy issues…. of the many medication bids coming in constantly its alot of friends. a lot of enimies ur intelligence is determined by the amount of friends u have. in terms of constuction nelson…. the medication dispersed and distributed to each female individual aggregates in the body of audio collectively…. in how she medicates many to get a large dose for her self…. in which constuction is legit…. and excels more than the police in that area,,,,,, the more people who are dosed…. the more intense the dose that audio recieves over time…. it is a large enough amount of people to regulate audio…. same as landscape…. whateva u put out there gets dumped on audio as a aggregate and the house….. and then the house then feeds the outside via machine. during operating machine the propel chemistry is scanned and documented in real time. and translated into music videos and media, via celebrity artists and underground artists. from 2013-2015 +90% percent of all the outside time was captured in music videos and song.... but operating system changes the data according to the trend each day and week at this time..... usually illuminati would listen to the ride the week following a long drive and internet is configured weel need a couple weeks to configure everyone in nj pa del ny people go but how they left always stays nicki minaj = 930…. thats max actoluy…. max is 990. max = iq 200…. 2 tablets. tw = 34… which is over….sats dosages are announced. disneyland tizzown (2) is 4. 120//// turnpuke is 1…. 30….. mermaids are 7. 210… tumblr is 10…300.. h=480(1 full tablet) t=660 r=8something 1 day ago based on closeness to audio “ so taylor face down head hitting the concrete….fuel on hands…. is reversible and wrath for sniffing pine sol…. when mommy made me frustrated… im soryy and hiting balls swift the emergency room im sorry and hitting head fist as n i have not figureed out this puzzle as of yet… from… anytwyas/// probably nelson’s revenge/…… as the entire world trend…..against me iphone was not espected at that degree also car fuel….. i showed hard drive to gas station attendant…. whilst computer cleaning with air….. therefore we acertained as celeb… we ascertained…. gasoline from exxon, shell, valero, citco and another…… all in different regions of new jersey we found out sag is a gift…. best kept in possesion for one year…. because unbearable…. as u know…. i was supposed to pick up litter…. and run car sag for 3 times…. 3 ones… or 3 years… i dunno… probably instead….3 28 months which is 28 56 84 months… and then run out of car fuel…. and then go to haspital 84th month for torturing so much…. its a lot of owe…. but first 12 months…. i rid of car gas…. lawnmower a little later…. some months later……therefore its i dont know…. i suppose it will taken care of weeel……. storage media hard drives were presented to multiple banks in the region…. so banks are a gift…. and car sag (gas stations) are a extreme gift…… and probably the main things about such is keys…. iphone 4c (hayley and taylor bm) fuel level…. probably… ku klux klan gifting is level 6….. probably car gas level at first…. was a quality of 10…….. dna of underage white gurl who stole my iphone 4c with hayley and taylor words and everything…. and dna of white gurl….. propelled 20 miles to the right and left of the turnpuke and 295 and ace and all the way up to new york…….and then bleached also cum of many of the females(not all) and myself…. and blackmail of every international mafia groups propeelled across 10 states of the east coast dispersed with tires…and metal bodies playstation and dna (controller not included…. so maybeh there was dna on the power button of the playstation….vs the underage dna…. convering the entire face of the iphone and the back…….( on and off button.) only….. hard drive dna…. with possible blag….. youtube celebrity female interview facetime telepathic…. and music videos netflix amazon and ea bm so playstation and all my video games…. and other games and a account created by myself named aptly blue wolf 747. which was erased because it dint happen……watch out the hard drive will kill you….. and a prophesy of satan the second 911 planes flying into a building..turnpuke.. our house as the world trade center…. the right corners…. tumblr satans double in the other clone car…. family driving the original car……driving a paramore honda….. and the honda clone being ‘audio is satan’ and then the prophesy thwarted by secret agents of allysa and cw….. underage white gurl group……because i was able to compensate A twenty… taylor women e nelson taylor is yelyah……as jack sparrow dying turnpuke diablo/ desert eagle cod/ claymore crysis/ and 5s……kept in proximity of myself during superfik heavy verison and cara for making superfik heavy car sag…. and banks and storage media and hard drives and computer desktop (gaming) air shown in full view for quick glance (eeeveryone……everything) and secret agent cleaning….. preliminary…. and labtop air (gaming) cum and all mafia and unites stays and illuminati info…… shown on turnpuke and distibuted via tires and cars…..and rain….. and chew and pjww for long period of time……. when everyone was watching for months…..even chew…. i never went back to clean……()….. not the first premtive day/../in the middle of it all// where it could not be cleaned from secret agents silently i will dwelve into stories later :’) ” – sora 2 days ago “ THIS IS NEW UPDATE as a result of the iphone death in front of eeeveryone, ch gurls/linden gurls, pjw and chew and strippers escorts massuses and all white and puerto rican white and such and EUROPEAN AND SUCH spain white and such and such women groups….and celeb females (included participated….we dont care it does not matter randomly :/)and tumblr gurls will have access to psychoc acid for 13 years….. it is one of the most generous rewards. everyone knos by now….. tumblr suffered the most,,,, and they get dosages most often… meaning they are always included….of course male illum artists and (few celeb role models that are men…. i like their templates)))))that are white are included because i like them of course at artists. which are integral to my art… i know… but thanks for your lack of salience in your telepathy it is random cowboy acid for the first 3 years…. but it does not go too far in sleepyness. most likely there is a combination of wake and such…. easiest way to solve basically as it evolves…. everyone will be pleased….. it is on auto callibration after the rough draft is configured…. eeeeveryone knows in klan or mafia…. in the begining its crazy too much and too concentrated to enjoy…. and after…. the supply gets realistic…. and after with configuration its optimal…. as any celeb or any gift…. which is from any of the mafias…..or usa or illuminati over time…. possibly extremely soon like in days or weeks. most people will not be sleepy at all. recomendations are always welcomed first three years is unlimited resource….. after that receptors will be somewhat workable and realistic it will take 10 additional years random…..but monitored at least moved from (it doesnt matter supply) from the first 3 years…. for a acid recharge it will be a random cowboy combination of short…. long…. medium…. short and intense…. lady gaga long and instantaneos…..lorde…. medium and middle….. hayley and taylor…….. gurls will have pretty much long….. and such…. nelsoning the guardina follows much later that the acid before nelsoning the guardina…. if that is even necessary after a decade….. nelsoning the guardina without the torture will be done in long distace drives…. up and down the turnpike…. same as before many suppose after the 5 th year mark. of 2013….. the drives will be possible without being bothersome compensation for blog will take up to 120 months after the year 2013 in a steady compensation. compensation also includes. because of the second 9/11…. it includes every location i have ever frequented ” – the iphone death was not taken in account as much as other things… and they realized most of sora went to audio….. most of gun also…. the only way to get or utilize sora the most…. is to actualy die… or blow up all ur receptors from the neck and brain down….. so there are many ways to make things unstealable every 10 years important groups totaly torture audio thinking about obedience sacrifice submittion and fear of the weather okay instructions… when u recieve your dosage….. u have a weeks supply in your body…. eeeveryttime you want to feel your dosage….. u say out loud or in your head….. you…. or yelyah owe you…… your body will release the dosage into the air and also in any cups or cigarettes or food or anything that is ingestible near you…. u will also inhale the medication in that location….. you are sitting or standing in…..usualy with rough draft doses…. you want to hold the you… or yelyah owe you for approximately 4 seconds…..ur dose is a weeks supply at a time… upon maximum dosage or maximum recomended dosage,,,,, that much alone… makes u sleepy…. so we add wake up to it…. also releasing the dosage into the air… is walking… running…for quick release… moving… and such….. coughing….singing…..speaking…… yelyah owes you/you… tumblr gurls told me in coded messages… you… is approximately 3 times the regular dosage for your own personal use…. i would do such…. but instead of 500 doses per week for every female i have ever seen spoken to or thout about…. instead… just 2-4 week supply to 20,000 females…. 1,000,000 doses for females aggregate collect in my body and are somwhat discernable for approximately a week at 1,000,000 doses simultaneosly hitting my recptors…. my receptors will be strengthened enough to be readable and scannable monitorable by the three year mark…so they are saying… by 2019….. some of my receptors will be functioning somewhat to be monitorabl;e and that way…. when u feel it…. more people at the same time…. it collects…. each females…. into my body…..so…. usualy 2,000 to 10,000 at the same time is sufficiont… please remember my receptors process feelings at approximately 400 times less efficient that everyones….. but my sensitibvity to side effects are 20 times more than everyone….. so basically i get tortured and react to things…. as if i was intoxicated… but cannot perceive or feel the emotion in the middle…. most of the time… i cannot register the emotion…. suppose alcohol…. i cannot smeel it…. i cannot feel it…. there is a empyty gap in the middle of the feeling…. and register at the top is 1/17 of normal peoples at the surface…. and there a 1- foot gap… and then in the deepest part… i can register it some……and i act drunk without knowing that i am… or feeling any of it… and then later i say…. why did i act like that.? without noticing that i acted even…. and then im daft…. noticing i am acting drunk whilst clean there is a divide between surface and deepest part of the feeling or water… and im incoherent alot …. unable to process or feel….so basically i am not in tune to my feelings or myself much…. it looks like iphone did that… but they said…. because they planned fuel…. because i smeeled pine sol…. therefore that had a surefire guarantee that i would recover fully from… because they did it to me…. but iphone…. they did not realize…. that it would be placed in my car long term by a white underage gurl i was only saing a lot of bm poo about…..and that i dint discover it the first year. from morning till night… i had instead spoon me gravity plus say too muc poo……and playing also…. i cannot smell… anything… most of the time… turnpuke air 1. 30. (everyone) starting a discernable telepathy. tizziown air 2. 4. 120 (everyone) mermaids 3. 7. 220..kittles bibbnnys puppies j. 3. 7. 220 (linden) bibbles kittles such turnpuke gurls. 4. kittles nibbles banmys 10. 300. mls 5 13 390 grammy potential intelligence 6 16 480 1 tablet-500. verison- 7 19 570 8 22 660 9 25 750 r 10 28 840 mnck head down on concrete sex cashout period 11 31 930 2 tablets. 1000 iq 200. max. sats anyways, right now the mud is not regulated. the tablets are neither regulated if there is mud.... do acid and air..any amount is okay. to yourself... your bones.....the acid will run the mud out.... and the air will autoclean u out.anything..... even buttons.... as you know.... things such as my memories my entire lifetime, celeb buttons, some united stays buttons, and myself... movie trailer,.,,, verison and secret service classified info... celebriti females... such as in small nano...if u touch. wash immedietely... it causes bumps and things.... any too classified data.... also sometime. i share 5000 buttons simultanoeos ly and it get uncomfortable.... my data transfer from body ok. oka(model computer) has a auto ip everything and verison television tracks and ips everything because of such….. in fact everything ip and tracks everything within the vincity of me,,,, which could have been the problem of female employee switching so frequently but verison is the most transparent and public of them. even with a decent filter….. and not so decent filter on the ip if u talk out loud…. verison and everything ip your vocal. it will be some mud…… and male and females can be switched out pretty fast…. but come back as town policy has evolved some recommend having 32 employees. and doing it different each time to not over cash out your 15 minutes of fame yelling is the most transparent most noisy and loudest and most visible to everyone. talking is the second most iping and such whispering is the 3rd most thinking is the smallest ripples thru the tv and hemisphere. if they use you. it will probably be translated on your end as rape. male or female and you may blame the fame for your quick exit to come back later. so im constantly raped from morning to night….. and i maintain espenses and will change and configure after nov 8//// so town should be sensitve to fame limits and such i have a fame limit…. unpurchasabel…. cuz my thouts just shut off after minutes expire…. and my suffereing will equal to my fame… or infamy cuz i not rock star…. im weather if thouts done autoshut or celly mintues….. then…. i prefer not to be a black male…… or seen as such….. so’ anyways…. that how it is… remember im heavier than a car….. my so is in the 900s or my you……but mostly its a fraction…. but even a thout…. everything we do goes on tv….///////hello we are all on tv///////. esplaining the rape and fireing note they also ip the voice…. and then your inner thouts and compare and contrast…. so its alot……. i opt after verison fully compensates…. gives me prized ip advice…. i will then dismantle the tracking either thru beeing or such…. and after the model computer tracking ip is off…. cuz so much overtorture…. then everyone…. not only verison will be more tolerable roger is the cause for most of the global weather cuz people got confused with local hair and global... so its global we are talking about and much much hair... and i also personally dont want to watch it turn to flat white and water only either 2016: god fights on the side of whomeva has the best ammunition. this year 2016 they made the guardina god or such or what also.. its celebration or something... and political duty. or political term. plus yelyah was drug thru the mud twice.... and hayley or me would have to compensate... either one would have a award winning blog... but hayley already won a grammy. so its me with the award blog love you wish me a excellent recovery. we kick gurls after they are compensated. they are 20,000 so im in coma. or something maybeh one version of the truth.... and so obviosly we dont linda the gurls. we pay all at once and then can kick or mansion which is so many gurls. i dunno. its still coma so it not good. anyways...i can do way or ia... intoxicated. or not... in coma or not.... we have found gurls.... its many... and its time.... and i plan to include you. therefore celebs did not linda rawr... so gurls and rawr can enjoy a little mansion... even if linda... it would be the same again. and then mommy would go without any rules... and veto everything.... so thats not good. so we need. i know. i was tortured. i need therapy. i need amnesia. i need healing. i need wealth and compensation.... so i went thru it i know how to take care of mommy so empire also... mommy went first... getting her cycle up first... i would follow later in terms of job in terms of body brain and nerve damage its obvious. the illuminati as long they are dead i will be dead infuse electricity in me. shock me back to life. either them with mission impossible pair they say alot of damage. but illuminati has the best rapid resurrection technology and secret serveice can reverse any meds. infrequently in terms of large infrustructural damage not to scare but just saying if u are damaged by anything guise in macro during my atlantic city death/ i had three guitars in cases. leaned up against the car.... the car appriximatiely 40 feet from many 50 gallon black and yellow cans placing construction nelson poison in the air for miles. i took them out.... car... was filled... with sewage from the week before.... a almost deadly sewage.....it looked like the cans killed the sewage in the car. the guitars first in the car sewage... then placed outside in the air. all the wood in the guitars were stained with the constuction poison from the black and yellow cans. it is rumoured that the cans or the meedication in such causes your body to radiate for years on end. there were three guitars i brought with me to my death the parker kermit taylor acousic oscars or the third reign prs rememba i did not clean the guitars. instead coated them with ck acid instead and a thick construction bass the guitars were treated. with acid... first sewage... then construction poison one of them causing the body to radiate for years. and then calvin klein acid and bass i used geneticly altered corn stalks to ease my poison after falling down the dirt hill into the desert... before my swim thrue the sewage the corn stalks are still in my guitar case. my guitars are espensive.... cept the ovation i bring to cw.... they are like a thousand. many believe its a blonde alexa and a atlantic city death template…and many friends….. so there might be a considerable amount of bleach to follow into tizzown and turnpike from 2013-20 something but i amended the guitars… cuz it was indeed hit with death sewage… and sewage from my body after the cans…. and then coated with acid//// and this is part davy jones….cuz the hayley and taylor and celeb women during the united states…. were embeeded in the keys…. in the wood… so its part that also…..then coated with sewage/ black and yellow alexa cans… proximity poison from everything bushes…..air…. sewage…dirt desert hill….. and then sealed drenched in acid and bass the guitar were then unused and placed in cases… facing backwards…. being raped. or killed from 2013-2016….face against the wall like dunces…. almost blown out by a california binge drinking which awards now have a construction style they said in addition to ,my other styles i just opened taylor today to see how she is… the corn stalks in her pocket… wilted a bit… but they are still there

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falling-stars-and-open-scars · 4 years

Text

An Introduction &Mental Clusterf*ck

06/21/20

Hiya Tumblr, how’s it goin? I’ve been meaning to write sooner, but never seem to really get the time/chance to. If you’ve recently started following me, welcome! I’m sorry we had to find each other like this, but it is also nice to know that we’re not alone.

I suppose I should do a bit of an introduction: (Going to go ahead and put Trigger Warning here out of respect because you never know what might be triggering to someone so best to cover all bases)

Name: I’ll go by Star, I guess

Age: 31 (I feel a bit like a creep being on this platform as it’s not really aimed at my demographic, but at the same time, I feel like I can relate more to the posts/memes/people here than I can on other platforms)

Location: USA, Central US to be more specific without giving too much away

Conditions/Ailments: Well, this is a bit tricky as I’ve never been truly professionally diagnosed with anything. I have some type of depression (bi-polar II disorder or something similar to that). I have engaged in self injurious behavior from the time I was 13 years old with my most serious occurrence at age 28/29 being ruled as an attempt. Up until October of 2019, I had been clean from SI/SH for a full year -- even with my parents getting an ugly divorce after 30 years of marriage and being placed in the middle of that ugliness. I relapsed because of an argument with my best friend over a guy she was dating at the time, which lead her to say “You don’t care about me!”...when, in therapy, I had to list the reasons why I would/should stay clean.....guess who was my number 1 reason? Yeah, her. So for her to say that I don’t care when my whole reason for not going deeper into the dark rabbit hole that is depression and SI/SH.....yeah, it hurt a lot. But, thankfully, we’ve made up and she’s no longer dating that idiot and I have been clean. Another “condition” I have would be an eating disorder. It’s kinda hard to really put a label on it, but if I had to I would say I have BED and am developing ANA-like behaviors. In the past, like when I was 12-13 years old, I looked into Ana and Mia. I even purged a few times as I got older (16-18 years old), but stopped because I had just gotten braces/gotten braces off/had a surgical procedure done where they break and reset my jaw to fix my overbite [called a Class II Skeletal Malocclusion] and didn’t want the stomach acid to ruin my teeth that I had just spent all this time getting fixed. I have always been about 20 pounds heavier than girls in my age group. If they were 100 pounds, I was 120; if they were 130, I was 150. This went on for some time until my “father” (let’s be real, he’s a sperm donor and nothing more) went to prison for some stupid sh*t that he knew better than to do (he is not mentally well and has a lot of delusions about reality and perspective). Anyway, while he was away, I ballooned up and also got a little bit of PTSD because of police being involved -- for a few years, anytime I heard sirens or saw police lights, I would break down and cry. Since then, I’ve just continued to gain and gain and gain.

Weight: My hw was 290 around December 27th 2019. I weighed myself yesterday and I am down to 271. My goal is to be at least 200 by the end of the year. I have been restricting (going from originally 1,500 to 1,200 to 1,000 per day), I have fasted (started doing it around January/February but stopped; my fasts were usually only 16-18 hours and I would only have liquids during that time -- water, tea, or zero calorie drinks like Powerade if I was feeling really bad). I know that’s not really enough to claim that I’m Ana, however, I do get anxiety when I eat something and do not know how many calories something has. For example, my friend wanted to get ice cream a few weeks ago and I legitimately wanted to cry in frustration because I couldn’t get an accurate calorie count for the item I wanted and wanted to cancel because I didn’t want to splurge or “ruin any progress” I had made. I count calories a lot with LoseIt and based my day off of “well, were you good and stayed at or below limit or did you go over”/”did you have a good day or were you being bad?”. It gets to a point to where my boyfriend will offer me a sip of regular Coke and I say “No, it has calories”. A literal sip....tiniest bit of ingestion...and I avoid it like the plague.

Stats: Height = 5 foot 6, Weight = 271 (currently), Body Type = ?I dunno, I used to be kind of an hourglass as a teen so....maybe hourglass?

Struggles: Weight, obviously. I would love to be under 200, I would love to be 160 like my friend and get the compliments that she gets all the f*cking time. The girl can post a picture of her and her dog and everyone is commenting about how beautiful she is....like, guys, it’s not about her, she’s literally trying to show you her dog but all you thirsty b*tches see is her and think that if you compliment her enough times she just might say hello to you. That’s not to say that my friend is not pretty; she is pretty. It’s just the fact that she’s had people falling over themselves trying to compliment her and shower her with attention and for what? Because she simply exists in the size that she is. The same people/friends that we have will comment on how drop dead beautiful she is but will then share a meme fat shaming someone else and I’m like “gee guys, you DO realize that I’m bigger than the girl in the meme that you’re fat shaming so.....you can understand why I feel like you think I’m disgusting, right???” I’ve always been the fat funny friend. I’ve never been attractive to anyone my age, except my boyfriend, and he had even stated early on that I’m “cute” at best...has said that I’m not considered sexy and that if I lost over 100 pounds then I would be able to be a model. My friend has told me if I ever got to her weight, 160 or less, that I would “look sick”. I don’t care if I “look” sick, I DO care about not having to go to a special store JUST to buy clothes. I DO care about not having to worry about what other people think if I have a piece of cake at a birthday celebration or if I have an extra spoonful of potatoes at a family BBQ. I DO care about hearing people talk about my weight behind my back. I DO care about not being able to fit into a bathtub, or movie theater seats, or most chairs without it being a tight fit. I DO care about getting into/out of a car and it not shake from my movement. I DO care about how people judge me by my size. I DO care that I don’t get any compliments. I DO care that I’m not attractive to people my own age, but older men (50s and 60s) dig me. I DO care that I’m only attractive to certain groups of people with a “fat white girl” fetish. I DO care that I am NOT normal. I DO care that, despite being healthy overall, I’m constantly worried that a doctor or nurse will say something about my weight. I care....it may not seem like it....because I’m big....but I do care.

Goals: Get to 200 by the end of this year. That is my biggest goal. If, for some reason, I do not meet that goal, my secondary goal will be get to 240. As long as I don’t go back up to 290........as long as I keep losing.....I’ll have to take the small victories where I can. I also want to stay clean from SI/SH. It’s been difficult with my parents divorce. It’s been difficult with school/work/trying to balance that out. It’s been difficult because I think I’ve been slipping into a depressive episode recently. I’m tired all the time, don’t sleep well, work like a dog all the time; every instance of self-care (brushing my teeth, taking a shower, shaving, etc.) seems like a chore that I’d rather just ignore. I don’t really want to do anything other than stay in bed and shut out the world. I crave those depression naps/sleeps I used to take when I was younger (wake up, maybe eat something, immediately go to bed, sleep for 3 hours, eat again, sleep for another 3 hours, stay up until it’s time to sleep again; getting almost 10-12 hours of sleep per day). I think I’m starting to slip again, but as long as I resist it, things should be okay. Maybe I’ll bounce back soon.....

Family dinner tonight, BBQ. I’m not counting or restricting today; even though I probably should. I’m not sure how I’ll burn it off. I work tomorrow and, can on average, burn 1,500. But that won’t help me today, will it? It’ll be around 2 or 3pm and probably last until 6pm....which gives me 3 hours to burn it off before a 9pm bedtime (I’m old and need my sleep). Problem is, boyfriend is going to be with me the whole time, so it’s not like I can say “Honey, let’s do Ring Fit for 3 hours!” without throwing red flags up, especially since I can only do Ring Fit for about 20 minutes at a time. I could just take it as a L today and try to work extra hard during the week.....maybe? We’ll see.

Thanks for stopping by and reading this long a$$ mental clusterf*ck of an introduction! Be good. <3 You are valued and cared for. Please drink some water. <3 Headpats to you! <3

Until Next Time.....

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vsgquiterightly · 6 years

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Day 1.

I’m hungry. I knew this would happen, but I’m surprised at how quickly it transpired. It’s only been a few hours, but I’m ready to eat almost anything. I know this is going to be a big adjustment, going from thousands of calories a day (well, more like 1500-1700, but you know), to something closer to 700 is a big adjustment physically, but it’s also an adjustment mentally. I don’t have food to be my crutch anymore. That time is officially over. Food is now fuel and fuel alone, and it’ll take a while until I feel okay about it. I’ve always been an emotional eater. I’ve always been a binge eater. I can’t remember ever having a healthy relationship with food, but that’s part of what this is supposed to help with. It’s a detox period. I’m getting off of the processed sugars and processed foods, and graduating to a better, healthier diet of whole foods—lean meats, vegetables, etc. I am really excited about the idea of teaching my kids to eat real food, not junk. To fuel their bodies with something good. I want that for them someday. I want their sugars to be from fruit and maybe some honey. I want their grains to be whole, nutritious, and enriching.

Let me give you some history.

I can recount every significant weight gain in my entire life. I can tell you exactly how I got to this point. When I was a child, I was forced to clean my plate at every meal. I was fed fatty, southern cooking with whole milk, and forced to eat every last bite put on my plate. My grandparents always asked if I wanted more, and I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. My parents were divorced when I was really young. My mother was a single mother, and while it wasn’t necessarily her fault, we did often subsist on fast food. I was 125lbs in 3rd grade. That’s fatter than 90lb Eric Cartman, by the way. By the end of sixth grade, I weighed 185lbs. I was fat. Most of that was just my environment and poor eating habits. I never went without, and for that I’m lucky, and we made things work as well as we could.

When I was 13, my mother joined WeightWatchers with me, with my doctor’s approval. Together we each lost 50lbs through hard work, diet, and exercise. I reached a low of 132lbs, with a goal weight of 135. My mother reached a low of 117lbs, with a goal weight of 135. My mother still maintains below her goal weight, though she doesn’t weigh herself much anymore. She did a great job. I gained… but I can explain! I think it’s incredible that I can point out everything that happened in my life to make me the way I am now.

I kept the weight off for two years, gaining back a total of 10 lbs at the beginning of my journey, and then staying at 142 for the rest of the time. My body just didn’t like being below 142. I would lose to 139, gain to 145, lose to 142. I was stable there. I was happy there. Then life happened.

I went to visit my dad for a summer, a three-week trip. There was nothing for me to eat at his house. He refused to buy me the things I was used to eating (low fat yogurt, skim milk, ‘light’ bread, to name a few things), and force-fed me this heavy southern cooking. I used to throw up a lot. It was just too heavy for my body to handle. He thought I was bulimic, and told my mother this, and therefore shoveled extra food in my face. I remember one night I tried to go to bed without dinner because I wasn’t hungry. I locked my door and he beat on it for over an hour until I finally came down and ate spaghetti. After this three weeks, I came home up 10lbs. Not a big gain, but devastating to me. I shared my upset feelings with my girlfriend at the time, who agreed that I was a fatass. That only made things worse for me. I always worried about my weight, even at 142, I just wanted to be at 125. I thought I was super fat, and she made it worse.

So, I went into a depression. I thought the weight would just come off when I started eating normally, but that wasn’t the case. Then I got a job at an ice cream place near my house. They offered a free meal during my shift, and I worked every day…. So every day I was eating diner food. I gained another 20lbs that summer, up to 170. Throughout the next year of being a fatass, I gained another 10 lbs, until I was maintaining at 185 again. At this point I thought I was a failure.

I played two varsity sports in high school, something I was very proud of. I swam and played water polo. I was very slow, the slowest on the team, but I managed every practice and never gave up. Despite all this working out, I didn’t lose any weight. I probably just increased my intake accordingly. I remember thinking I was a whale in high school, but looking back at photos, I looked just like everyone else. I could remember my ex-girlfriend telling me how fat I had gotten, though, so I hated myself.

I went to college after that, and gained the freshman 20. That put me at 200lbs even. This was a disaster to me. I had once said I would sooner hack off limbs than be at 200lbs, but here I was, with all my limbs, at 200lbs. I was a recluse my freshman year of college, and even though I still didn’t look all that bad, I was definitely angsting over my weight. I wasn’t doing anything about it, though.

I had always been a binge eater, but now free to do so in private whenever I wanted, I began binging almost daily. I would shove exorbitant amounts of food in my face, and cry as I did it. I would think about how I deserved to stay fat forever and feed myself until it hurt. I never purged. I wasn’t bulimic. I didn’t think this was an eating disorder at the time, just me being a pig. Now I know this was a serious issue, and I should have gotten help then, but I didn’t.

My sophomore year, I discovered energy drinks and I never slept. I never had to sleep. I felt awesome all the time, for some strange unknown reason. I was still fat, but I no-longer cared. I thought I looked like the bomb dot com. Unfortunately, I also began having delusions of grandeur—I remember thinking aliens were going to abduct me, that cops followed me around, that everyone was out to get me., I was having auditory and visual hallucinations. I had voices in my head, people living there telling me what to say, think, feel, and do. It was terrifying, so I finally reached out to the school’s counselling center. They referred me to a psychiatrist, but I never went. I was afraid, based on my symptoms, that I would be diagnosed as schizophrenic…. and at the time, I might have been. During this time, I gained another 30lbs.

Finally, when the symptoms began to subside, I realized I needed to do something about my weight. Unfortunately for me, I was very depressed, and it was difficult for me to do anything other than school, which I could barely handle. I joined WeightWatchers again. I lost the same 20 pounds twice, then finally lost 30. I was down to 200 again by the time I graduated.

Without school to motivate me, my depression hit an all-time low. I remember not feeling a desire to do anything except play McDonald’s monopoly. I didn’t even want the food. I just wanted to peel and win. I was obsessed with winning, but of course I was eating a lot of McDonalds. I gained 50 lbs in a year!

Finally, I went to the doctor. They referred me to a psychiatrist and I finally went. I was diagnosed as Bipolar, and suddenly everything made sense. I started taking medication, and I finally felt a little better. I tried to lose the same 20 lbs again, and gained it back with some extra. I finally reached my high weight, an all-time high of 270lbs. I knew it was time to do something different.

WeightWatchers had worked for me in the past. It’s my opinion that WW is the best diet program out there. It’s not a diet. It’s a live-it. It’s a lifestyle. If you live that lifestyle, you lose the weight. 100% of the time, it has worked for me, but 100% of the time, I have fallen off the wagon. It was then that I thought of Weight loss Surgery for the first time. I originally dismissed it as not for me, too invasive, too scary… but the more I struggled, the more I realized what a good thing it could be for me. A tool in my arsenal to help me succeed. That’s why I chose to do it. I really need help. I’m a food addict. I’m a binge eater. I’m an emotional eater—and I’m battling the effects of too-long-undiagnosed bipolar disorder and BED. I’m stable now. I’m in a healthier mindset, and I’m ready to take the plunge. I have a strong support system at home, where I am lucky enough to have my food cooked and prepped for me so all I need to do is eat it. Eat the right things and succeed. I will get small again. I will get there.

This time, though, I have some perspective. My goal weight is 150. Anything below 200 is great, anything below 150 is goal. At 142, I will not think I’m a whale. I will be statistically below average, even if my BMI still says that I’m at the upper end of average.

I think that’s enough rambling for today. Take this as what it is.

Height: 5’3” HW: 270 CW: 259.4 as of 9/5 GW: 150

#personal #vsg #weight loss surgery #wls #weight loss #bipolar disorder #depression #binge eating disorder #BED #blog #sob story

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books-tea-school · 3 years

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Week Two: do everything from week one + exercise and/or stretch everyday. Keep room clean/organized

What do you do to keep your body moving? What is the weirdest thing you’ve found while cleaning your room?

I slept much better this week - only went to bed late monday and friday night, but there was a concert (harry styles) monday and I was anxious bc of a competition that was on saturday. I only stretched about half the week, I just was never motivated enough. I kept my room clean though! That felt good. I also had a really short week and basically no hw, so the stuff I did have I did the night of. I also turned in. a college app tonight! To move my body, I usually dance when I’m at home, but I also play a lot of ultimate frisbee (my team got second in state last spring). And idk the strangest thing I’ve found.

this weeks goals are to lower screen time and read more. I want to finish at least two books (not including the one i am currently reading) this week. I have a 2 books that I am super excited to read, and one that I know will be a super quick read, so hopefully I can knock those out this week.

#bookblr #studyblr #booklr #books tea school #high school #stemblr #ultimate frisbee #c’s november reset #c’s november reset challenge #reset

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honestmegsvsg-blog · 6 years

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First Up!

After YEARS of struggling with my weight and trying EVERY tool in the box (including a weight loss reality TV show) I made the hard decision to go through with bariatric surgery; gastric sleeve to be specific.

On my 33rd Birthday, I told myself I’d give it one super hard, last go and if I didn’t see the results I wanted, then I’d make the commitment for surgery. Well, I did give it a true go and lost about 15lbs in one year. So, I met with my doctors and went through insurance and surgery was 7/17/2018.

Day of surgery I cried the entire time, all the way into the surgery room. I was terrified of this life change, anxious for my future and mourning the “loss” of foods I so loved. I am a lover of food, good food. I don’t like processed crap, at all. I love fresh, delicious food. My problem was I just ate way too much of it and couldn’t control myself with portions. Instead of 2 small street tacos, I’d have 6. Instead of 1 decent sized summer salad, I’d eat enough for 3 people. My husband was diagnosed with cancer and going through chemo, and I have a 3 year old daughter that I’m determined to stay healthy for. I thought of all these things as they wheeled me back to the surgery room.

I started this blog because everything I read about this surgery makes it sound like a true miracle/no regrets/life is amazing stuff. But, it’s not. It’s hard, I struggle daily. The first 30 days was miserable. Everything that hit my stomach caused instant pain. Horrendous digestion issues (like, not doing your business for EIGHT days straight—that’s real) and just the mental game your mind plays on you. I lost 20lbs in the first two weeks. Then didn’t lose ONE pound in 3 weeks. Apparently stalling is normal. Something I wish I would have known so I could have better prepared. Now, it’s slow and steady; roughly 2-3 lbs a week. Which is way more than what I was losing without surgery.

The hardest part for me now, at 1.5 months out and past the soft food stage and all that, is finding my food routine. Trying to navigate cooking meals at the right sizes for myself and family, not over ordering at dinner and just generally being ok with taking a few bites and being done while I watch my husband and kiddo continue to eat. Eating was such a huge part of my social life, so the adjustment has been depressing.

I’m also starting to beat myself up because I am already cheating. What does cheating look like? For me, having wine and drinks when I was told to not even think about it until 6 months out. I also feel like I’m not eating as clean as I was pre-surgery. So, this blog is to get my thoughts out of my mind and bring some accountability back. I’ve got goals, and I don’t want regrets.

My stats:

Highest Weight (HW): 302

Weight day of Surgery (SW): 272

Current Weight (CW): 245

Goal Weight (GW): 175

Two month weight loss picture is due 9/17.

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weholyperfectioncollectorme-blog · 6 years

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Malaga Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98828

"Malaga Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98828

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When someone having AAA auto insurance full coverage, having uninsured motorist. Does it also cover the one who caused the accident. In my case I caused the accident. Like there insurance is going to cover her car damage, is it going to claim me the amount of her car damage to pay back to her car insurance, or not ? The persons car I hit, is really sweet even though I hit her car. She told me that her insurance company is just trying to get money off of me, but she told me there's no reason because there is a reason why she pay full coverage having uninsured motorist included. But I did some research and it says that uninsured motorist only apply's if I hit her car and someone ended up injured ? . . . Help me out please ! If there claiming the amount that they are claiming I am going to be in debt. It's AAA insurance the company that the lady has. The lady's car I hit. But like insurances have CRS do there job having to work for insurances, which stands for Claims Resources Services. They sent me a claim amount that the insurance is asking for. They sent me a second notice, and it says if they don't here from me in any way of paying back the money they used up to cover the lady's car they will send the information back to AAA and AAA will end up increasing the claim amount.""

Buying a Motorcycle and taking it to California?

So I'm in Florida and I'm selling my car to buy a motorcycle. I'm thinking about purchasing a triumph bike here in florida at the dealership and having them ship it to my house in California hoping i can get a sweet deal. What do you guys think? tax in florida is cheaper than California but will i still have to pay for other stuff besides the obvious insurance, plate, etc.? or is this all a dumb idea, should i take my car money back to California and buy the triumph bike there?""

Young Person Car Insurance?

Hi there, I am currently looking for my son who is 19 and has just got himself a new job, i promised him if he gets a job he can have a car to get there. However i am very worried about the insurance quotes ive looked up on the internet which is looking at 3700 a year which is the cheapest i can find. Very worrying seeing his mates are 2500 which im happy to pay. He is looking for a old ford fiesta, is there any ideas where i could improve and seek a cheaper quote? Possibly phoning up companies or is the internet quotes better, any other suggested cheap car insurance websites? Thanks Fiona""

Car insurance rates question plz help 10 pts?

I pay $187 a mth for car insurance & that's full coverage with $500 deduct. The reason I was told I'm paying that much was bc of a big wreck I had back in Aug 2010 and since it's coming up on 3 yrs and my premium expires in Aug I'm expecting my rates to go down a little. My insurance company jus told me that that's not why I'm paying that much it's bc of 2 speeding tickets I got back in 2010 Feb & April bt when my premium expires in Aug my rates will go down. My question is can you guys give me a estimate on how much you think I'll be paying in Aug when my rates go down??! I live in S.C. Btw Thanks so much in advance

Does my husband need his own insurance on another car?

my husband was insured on his car but its now sold and the insurance run out yesterday, he also drives his business partners car on which he is a named driver on the insurance, now his insurance on his own car has expired is he still covered to drive his partners car even tho he dosent have his own policy? im unsure how it works so just want to double check..""

Just insurance quoted for $600?

So I was shopping around for car insurance since I was planning on buy a car soon... I'm 19 years old after getting quotes from multiple different places my cheapest insurance quote was $664... Uhmm wth? How the **** is anyone suppose to afford that? Thats basically half of my monthly income >_< and the car I was looking to buy was a sedan not a sports car no powerful engine just a Pontiac sunfire, chevy cavalier, chevy impala(2000) what am I suppose to do get a piece of junk that might not even make it to the corner??""

Where do i get health insurance in texas. im 18?

18 year old male. Parents dropped me. Sad day:(. Haha so where would I find cheap good health insurance :)

What is a good car insurance company i should get?

I'm 18 turning 19 I live in NJ (i heard the prices vary where i live due to accidents and whatnot)

""What is the AVERAGE cost of insurance for an L driver in BC, yearly?""

I know it varies from person to person, I'm just looking for an estimate for basic coverage, can anyone help me out?""

Do you have to insure a jet ski?

Why are large engined/big sized second hand cars much cheaper than the small cars with small engines?

I did ask this a minute ago but I got it the wrong way round. Im looking for a car around 3.5k but the cars in that price range are great big hulking cars with huge engines that I cant afford the insurance for. How come smaller cars are more expensive?? I notice that when looking at new cars, the ones with bigger engines and bigger models are more expensive, so why is it the other way round for second hand cars?""

Question about teen car insurance?

Question about teen car insurance? I have a couple questions about insurance for teens: 1. If it is a 4 cyl, is insurance lower? 2. Is it cheaper if you have good grades? 3. Does the style/number of doors make a differance? TIA""

Malaga Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98828

Is it illegal to drive a car thats not yours without insurance?

I need to know if it is legal to drive someone elses car even if i dont have car insurance but the owner of the car does i dont own a car but my half brother does and lets me use it the only problem is i don't have insurance is it still illegal for me to drive this car i do have a valid license this is in Ohio

What is a good (cheap) insurance in Canada?

I'm a new driver, I would like to have an insurance for myself, in case IF anything happened. What are some companies with good deals? They are mostly expensive, but I have heard there are some cheaper ones available. Thank you for you help!""

What are the cost of car insurance?

I'm a 17 yr old female, just recently got my g2, i live in ontario canada and was wondering what my insurance cost would be per year. i will be registering as a secondary driver, and there are currently 2 cars, and will be getting a third one, for me. i have talked to friends and found out that they pay about 200 bucks a year and depends on my parents driving records. Is it possible to pay just 200 dollars a year as a secondary driver?""

Can someone help me get a insurance quote ?

im 16 and my mom said that if i wanted to drive, i would have to buy my own insurance. but the thing is i cant find any sites that tell me how much i would have to pay as a starter , and then pay monthly. the car that i want to drive is my stepdads 2000 Bonneville. idk what else it is but it looks just like this. VvV http://www.autoworld.com/news/Pontiac/2000Bonneville.jpg i just want to know how much i would have to pay (:""

Whats a basic cheap Car Insurance for a 18 year old?

Hi I am 18 I live in New York and have had my lisense for about 6 months now and my insurance is pretty expensive like 1200 for HALF A YEAR which is crazy so I was wondering if anyone know of a cheap insurance company for basic insurance thats maybe 1200 for a whole year or cheaper. I also drive a 1994 Saab 900 S Hatchback 2 door

Insurance change after marriage?

i am american and i got married in canada. my husband does not have insurance and i am covered under my mothers insurance. since i got married in canada will they see here in the us that i am married or will they know and i wont be covered anymore? i have not changed my last name to my husbands. if i still keep using my mothers insurance could i get into trouble if they found out i was married?

Who knows of a good life insurance company that is hiring?

Who knows of a good life insurance company that is hiring, particularly in Los Angeles, California?""

Ok I don't udersrtand why for car insurance!?

I add my own details on car insurance, no accidemts etc and my quote is 190. i add my partner as an extra driver with a speeding fine and it goes down to 152""

How much is car insurance?

I know it depends on a lot of things, but whenever I mention me getting my license, they have the same excuse over and over...So what's an idealistic amount for a young teen 17 w/ 3.0+gpa and a sports car be? In california.""

What life insurance policy should I get?

I have the option of variable whole life, whole life, and term life. I know term life is the best, but i am only 18 and i don't have time to go out and invest in mutual funds unless its really easy and quick. I am a college student, and I have no income. I am planning on becoming a nurse, but of course that is not guarenteed. Which one should I get and why? Please don't just say don't get whole life! it sucks yeah i know that but i need details. Also what about for my parents who are in their early 60's . Which one should they get??""

How much is car insurance for 18 year old?

How much would car insurance cost under Allstate in North Carolina for an 18 year old boy? I drive a 2003 Ford Ranger if it helps, I'm a safe driver and do good in school?""

Tricare/ER Insurance Question?

I lived in Arizona last year and still am in the Tricare West system (out of Luke AFB), although I now live in Ohio. I hurt my ankle several weeks ago and still can't bend it certain ways, and am beginning to suspect a hairline fracture...if I go to the ER (nowhere near any military facilities, especially not with hospitals), and put down my insurance company, will Tricare pay for it (including poss. X-rays) even though I'm still in the Tricare West system? Or should I submit the papers to get a PCM in the North region? (No matter what, I'm assuming I don't need a referral from my PCM to go to the hospital/get X-rays, is this correct?)""

""What would it cost for 15 yrs insurance, life?""

I don't smoke, drink, just like to fish.""

Would a 1.4 honda civic be an ideal car for a new driver?

17 year old. Male. Would it be wise getting a 1.4 civic say 1999 plate for a first car?

Which is a reputable life insurance company to get whole life insurance without a physical exam.?

Can you name a few companies where I can take out a life insurance policy against myself, my husband without take a lenthly physical exam.""

Me and my dad are arguing about the cost of car insurance? Please have look?

On the final quote page it said that my full annual quote would be 611.49. I just paid a 101.49 deposit via my debit card. It says that my direct debits will be taken each month, next month 54 and then 8 months of 57. My deposit and the direct debits add up to 611.49, exactly as the quote stated. So what is that box (with the red arrow pointing to it); http://img829.imageshack.us/f/screenshotdi.png/ Can they take more money without saying? Can someone please explain what that means?""

Driving without car insurance?

So, Im broke and I know its a really awful idea to drive without car insurance, but Im a little unclear about what the rules actually are. I know it is illegal to drive without car insurance b/c I got a ticket for it once when I just didnt have my proof of insurance with me, but it was a pretty small fine, is that the only legal consequence of it? I'm a pretty good driver, no accidents so far (knock on wood), and if I were to get into an accident it would probably not be my fault. Is it true if you get in a car accident without car insurance and its not your fault then you are still financially responsible for the damages to your car? ...Like because you dont have insurance the other drivers insurance doesnt acknowledge the accident or something? Anyway, as of 10 min from now my insurance policy will expire and im tempted to not get new insurance for a month or so until im more financially stable. What are the consequences im missing? Anyone know of really cheap insurance? other thoughts? BTW im still paying down the last couple thousand dollars on my car so I think i may be required to have full coverage insurance or I default on my loan, but im not sure. My loan is through a credit union, what may be the consequences if they find out?""

How much does the average American pay for Healthcare?

Spending on health care to reach $5,170 per Canadian in 2008 http://secure.cihi.ca/cihiweb/dispPage.jsp?cw_page=media_13nov2008_e I'm looking for this in American.""

""What is the absolute best, maximum protection motorcycle insurance for me? 20/F 1st time rider.?""

I am willing to pay more, I just dont want to get cheap insurance that doesn't cover me. No subrogation clauses, I want to be covered as much as I possibly can. I am in TX. Is Allstate good? My car is under Allstate. I have heard Dairyland Insurance is good...anyone have experience with it? I dont have any tickets or violations on my record.""

Auto Insurance Licence?

how can i get a licence to sell auto insurance i live in tx

Health and Maternity Insurance.?

My wife and I are wanting to have a baby and need to get health insurance that includes maternity. I have gotten a couple quotes, but they all seems somewhat high being that she is only 22 and in great health. Who would be the best and most affordable provider to talk to? Thanks, Dustin""

Insurance for low income disabled person?

I only make $7.14/hr at my job, got cut from my old insurance due to no longer being able to afford it, I have a learning disabilty and have no medical insurance to go to the doctors. What are some good affordable/free insurance for low income families?""

I am 22 Years Old. I Live in Ireland. How can I buy cheap car insurance?

Does anyone know of a car insurance that can give you a policy without a down payment?

I live in miami fl my car insurance expired on 2/26/12 i don't have money for the renewal does anyone know of any car insurance company that can except me with out a down payment please i need help and at this ponit i need to take what i can for my car before it to late???

""Why do questions say cheap car insurance and affordable health insurance, not cheap health & affordable car?""

Questions about finding inexpensive car insurance usually refer to it as cheap . Questions about finding inexpensive health insurance usually refer to it as affordable . I do not recall ever seeing a question refer to affordable car insurance, and only rarely to cheap health insurance. Why is this? Why do car insurance questions use the word cheap and health insurance questions use the word affordable , and not the other way around? Is it just tradition, like saying Merry Christmas and Happy New Year , but never saying Happy Christmas and Merry New Year ? Is it because the law has the word affordable in its title, causing that word to be associated with health insurance? Is it because most of the questions are from someone who is trying to manipulate search results by causing searches for cheap car insurance and affordable health insurance to come to this website? Is it because car insurance questions usually come from users under 25 years old and questions about getting health insurance usually come from older users (health insurance questions from users under 25 usually have to do with saying on their parents' insurance and/or using their parents' insurance)?""

Malaga Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98828

Health insurance for families of disabled vets?

I am a 50% disabled Vet living near Dallas, Tx. I have been unable to find a job that offers health insurance, as of yet. I know I can go to the VA for free, whenever I need to. I need to find some sort of insurance for my wife. We are planning children, but I don't want to pay all of those doctor bills out of pocket. My wife is self employed, so there's no way of her getting it through work. Does anyone know of a Veterans group health insurance plan or anything like that? I have searched all over the internet with little success. T Thanks for any info.""

I am moving to Alaska and driving through canada what will I need to cross the border?

How can a teen get lowered insurance rates on a sports car?

What is a cool car that is low on insurance?

Im a 16yr old male looking for a cool car that is low on car insurance

Which is the best policies for Life Insurance and Health Insurance ?

Iam 27 years old and married.I have my father,mother and wife as my dependents and our kids in future.i want to get life insurance for me and Health Insurance for my whole family as they are fully depending upon me. - I already have Jeevan Anand from LIC Sum Assured : 5,00,000.00 Policy Term 74 (Premium payment term 17) - i am ready to spent another 20-25 thousand as annual premium for Health and any other good policies.It will be better if its consider as a good investment also. So please suggest me good policy from LIC and a Health Insurance policy available now. Your advises will be highly appreciated. Thanks.""

Short term car insurance in the Netherlands?

Hello, I bought a Dutch registered car here in UK and it seems the only place I can insure it to drive it to my house is the Netherlands. No insurer in UK wants to issue an insurance on no UK registered car. Can anybody recommend a insurance company in the Netherlands or their web site where I can 1-2 days insurance and do this in English, It would be much simpler to wright a few key words in Google in Dutch but I can't. Thanks Thanks""

Car insurance so unfair?

I am 18 and I know the prices are a joke, all I want is a 1.6 astra 2007 and I have to pay 10 k to get insured.Over in the US and over countries kids get massive jeeps, why is it over here, most people can't even afford a 1 litre corsa. Pisses me off that I get tied in with the same brush because of my age, surely can they charge a ridiculous price such as 5k and give you half back if you don't crash? they will still be profiting massively, as my dad pays 280 a year. If i want to suceed in life, I think i'm best leaving the UK, they just want everyone to use public transport and don't want people to have the luxury of driving a car. Anyone else agree ?""

How much does it cost for a check up without insurance in california?

need a check up to be cleared for athletics. dont have insurance though!

Does anyone have any idea which insurance company is the cheapest for learner drivers?

Considering suing my car insurance company?

As we all know car insurance companies in the United States of America charge males more than females to drive a car based on real world studies . This is the equivalent of not hiring females because they may get pregnant and take a lot ofdays off... Because this is truly a real world study i conducted that males dont get pregnant as often as females. So I am highly tempted to bring this up with a lawyer or at least send a letter to my car insurance company, and i want them to hurt for it because frankly it pisses me off that i am being descriminated against. Further more, in europe, this practice of charging males more because they are more likely to drive is highly illegal. I am in no way a liberal democrat but if this sensitivity bullshit is going to stop descrimination than maybe they should give a **** about me before i start caring about them...""

How to get a cheaper insurance premium?

In the UK am i able to put down a much lower value than the actual value of my car just so that i can get a lower insurance premium? Given my situation i would much rather pay for a new car if i crashed or pay for repairs myself if anything went wrong.

I'm disabled a on social security. Is there a cheaper auto insurance that I can apply to in Florida?

Im moving to flordia on March 3ed. An I need to find cheap auto insurance. Here in NJ we have a program called Dollar a day. But its only for people on Medicaid or Medicare. Does Fl have any programs?

Car insurance?

i cancelled my car insurance which i pay by installments i paid 75 at the beginnning and monthly premiums of 67 i cancelled the other day and on the phone they said i might have to pay a cancellation fee 45 as this is standard if your policy is not finished now they have calculated that i have to pay85 this is more than a months payment doe anybody know anything about these things and will i have to pay thanks

What Is The Best Insurance Agency?

Like any insurance agency. Such as Progressive, State Farm, Geico, or anything that you think saves the most of your cash.""

""Buying private health insurance, broker or direct?""

I need to purchase a private individual health insurance plan. I am a little confused if I should use a broker or just go direct. There seems to be so many plans out there. I live in Las Vegas, NV. I have received quote both ways and there price seems to be around the same thing so I don't know if there are added benefits from using a broker as to going direct, anyone have any experiences?""

How much would car insurance cost for a Corvette?

If you are 16 years old and a Male

Is there a way to figure out how much a cars insurance will cost?

What I mean is I know that insurance charges differently on car types and age group of who is driving, how can I find out the monthly insurance payment. Example: I buy a Scion TC and I'm now 20yrs old how can I figure out my insurance payment other than calling a insurance agent?""

Will my car insurance rate be based on how long ive been insured or licensed?

Car insurance deposit?

i want my car insurance to start on 11th feb. my quote says i need to pay a deposit followed by 11 monthly installments. If i signed up for the policy today to start on 11th will they ask me for the deposit to be paid now or will they take it on 11th?

Temporary insurance on backup bussiness car?

I own a chip route in ga and in process of buying a back up vehicle for my Business. I won't be using my vehicle very often just when my main vehicle goes down. Can I get temporary insurance or a miles based insurance to save money?

What's the cheapest insurance company or booker they've come across?

The cheapest iv encountered is onlyyoungdrivers.com the next being RAC insurance a few hours quid more, followed by 4youngdrivers.co.uk that is myself being under 25. Also has anyone found it cheaper to ring the direct in attempt to get cheaper quote, iv stayed away from this as of yet because of the cost of calling.""

Would it really cost me a lot more insurance?

I have a 93 camry and I'm trying to look for a new car to replace it. I asked my insurance company about the cost of insurance for a 2009 honda civic EX sedan 4 door and it was 536 every 6 months. Researched that car more to find out it was in an accident so scratched that car out of the picture. I found a 2007 honda civic EX coupe 2 door and no accidents and i see nothing wrong with it. They are both EX but the coupe is older. Would the insurance be much of a difference?

What would be an estimate for insurance on a 2WD silverado for a 16 year old male living in California?

I recently got my license and am looking at insurances. Can someone find me a quote (or at least give me an idea) for a 16 year old male living in California. The vehicle would be a 2WD 2006 Silverado. I also have a clean record if that helps at all. Thanks!

Ballpark figure on motorcycle insurance?

First please don't tell me to call my insurance agency, that's why I'm on here. I just want an estimate I'm 17, male, it's a 1999 cbr600f4, I don't want full coverage, just liability, I am on excelsior high honor roll at school, I took the msf course, I have had my moorcycle license for a year now, I live in upstate new york. And would be riding leisurely. Any guesses? How much do u pay, how old are you etc. Thanks!""

Acting career where do i start?? where is safe and affordable places to live in LA?

Hi everyone first let me just say thank you for your time in advance. I want to move to LA and start my acting career but i have never been in LA so i dont exactly know where would ...show more

Malaga Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98828

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