#‘this shows drug addicts can’t ever have a happy life’ stop applying black and white morality to this show. it’s also not like she actually

[yellowjckets]

people being mad nat died from an overdose like … she didn’t actually overdose that’s the tragedy of it! also … we KNOW misty kills with fentanyl she steals from her job, it’s been established multiple times! like that’s the tragedy of it all. she’d finally got clean & she was finding a purpose again … it’s exactly how it was going to happen.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

Some Truths Are Stubborn As Gravity, Ch 2: Six Billion Pieces Waiting To Be Fixed

Her soulmate mark left Penelope just enough room to choose the wrong man the first time.

Elena wants to make sure she’s with the right person right now.

Schneider doesn’t think he deserves a soulmate, or that one is still waiting for him.

Syd is certain they found theirs. They just don’t want to lose her.

Why can’t destiny be simple?

Penelope x Schneider | Elena x Syd, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3. 

(Ch 1)

“Mom,” Elena declared that morning, while Penelope was getting ready for work, “you have to promise you’re not going to embarrass me.”

“Me? Embarrassing? I don’t know know what you’re talking about.” Penelope turned back to the mirror and finished applying mascara. “I’m one of the cool moms, remember?”

“And I love you very much,” Elena replied, spacing her words out with care. “But today is important.”

“I know, I know, you’re meeting your internet people for the very first time. I want it to go well for you, too, baby. Besides a quick hello, and maybe a couple of middle school photo albums, I promise to stay out of your way.”

Elena waited until she had Penelope’s full attention. “It’s not just that.”

“Okay. Then what is it?”

“I didn’t realize it until I woke up this morning--it never occurred to me when we set up the meeting, I just wasn’t thinking about it. But, well…”

Elena lifted up her shirt just enough to show the small black date written across the left side of her stomach.

“Oh that’s right, it’s July 19th.” Penelope shook her head. “Sorry, I feel like I’ve been a day behind this whole month.”

She realized Elena was staring at her impatiently and sighed. “Elena, if the great love of your life is going to find you today, I highly doubt anything I--or you--say could ruin that. Try not to worry so much.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You and Papi fell in love right away. What if I meet my soulmate and they don’t even like me?”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Penelope countered gently. “That’s why they’re called soulmates. And anyway, you need to keep in mind that this is only one July 19th. Don’t pin all your hopes on today, all right? I don’t want to see you get hurt if this turns out to be an ordinary Saturday.”

Elena exhaled loudly. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try.”

But despite her easy agreement, she knew something good was going to happen. She could just feel it.

****

Elena really, really loved being right.

It was part of what made her so good at debating; winning an argument meant public validation for being smart and knowing things. She was allowed and even encouraged to celebrate just how right she was--so she learned how to win even more arguments.

When her friends arrived and she was finally meeting them all in person, she couldn’t stop her nerves from coming out in stammering geekspeak, but she was also thrilled, because despite her mom’s warning, she met her soulmate right on schedule.

Dani was gorgeous, and smart, and funny. They cared about the same causes, and liked some of the same music, and as soon as she reached for Elena’s hand to say hello, Elena knew that they were totally meant to be.

Or at least, they would be, as soon as Elena managed to say more than two words to her.

And if Dani was gay.

And if Dani liked her back.

The more time she had to think about it, the more she realized she was probably being ridiculous. Elena had no idea when Dani’s day even was, let alone if they might have a connection.

She smelled really good, though.

Lots of girls tried really hard to make the best first impression possible, each year when their day came around, but Elena had never cared much about soulmates growing up. Maybe she even tended to be a little bit mean to anybody she met on that day each year.

Well, to the boys. A part of her knew, though it would take her years to understand why, that she didn’t want some boy she would be stuck with forever.

But once she figured out that she liked girls, that liking girls was something she could do...something that was possible and okay and right...July 19th made her nervous.

Her parents had been so in love, she’d seen it every day. She felt it. And things between them had still imploded. Their marriage was a slow-motion car crash; she and Alex were left with whiplash and in Elena’s case, the understanding that love was not automatically enough.

She wanted to find her soulmate. She wanted to fall in love.

But she didn’t want to ruin it before she got the chance.

So when the first July 19th after she came out led her to a gorgeous activist with confidence to spare, Elena held her breath and hoped.

She didn’t do anything else, especially nothing as logical as mentioning her mark to Dani or asking her out.

What if she tripped over her words and said the worst possible thing and scared her soulmate away? With her luck, it could happen. Her mom insisted otherwise, but she didn’t understand--she had never been as awkward as Elena.

Plus she met her soulmate ages ago. And her soulmate was a boy.

It was just different.

****

“Do you ever wonder about your soulmate?” Penelope asked Schneider, standing just outside his door.

He took one look at her face, sighed, and stepped back. “Come in, Pen. This feels like a longer conversation than we should be having in the hall.”

As she sat on his couch, he shut the door behind her and tied his robe a little tighter. “Now, what’s on your mind? Soulmates?”

“Yeah. Elena has been asking a lot of questions lately, because of Syd…”

“Understandable,” he interjected, nodding.

“And it got me thinking, if at our age it even makes sense to think about soulmates anymore. If we haven’t met our person by now, what’s the likelihood that we’re going to?”

“I don’t know,” he said, joining her on the couch. “I guess this means Victor wasn’t yours?”

She looked down at her lap. “No.”

“I kind of wondered, after everything, but I didn’t want to ask. I’m sorry, Penelope. That sucks.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, shaking her head. “We didn’t know any better. Our days matched, and I wouldn’t change any of it--my kids are the best part of my life.”

“I know.” He reached out to hug her from the side. “Still. To answer your question, I don’t think about it, no. I haven’t in a long time.”

“Really?” Schneider had always been casual about relationships and sex, but he was also so sweet, so full of love for the people around him, that Penelope definitely would have guessed he was a believer in fate.

“Yeah.”

“If you did find your soulmate now...do you think there would be a chance for it to work?”

“If you found your soulmate now, I one hundred percent believe that it would work,” he told her seriously. “Absolutely. It’s crazy to think that just because you’re forty, you can’t find love.”

“You’re only a little older than me,” she reminded him. “If I can have a happy ending, so can you.”

“Eh.” Schneider waved her words away.

“Hey, you could. Why don’t you think so?”

“Have you met me?”

“Yes. Three times, as a matter of fact, since you kept reintroducing yourself before you got clean.” Penelope caught something in his expression as she spoke, and narrowed her eyes. “Is that what this is about?”

“You of all people should get it,” he said. “You can’t tell me that Victor’s drinking wasn’t part of what broke your marriage. Who would want to live with that? And my relapses, my addictions, are so much more complicated than the drinking. It’s my whole life.”

There was such a hopeless, helpless quality to his words, it hurt Penelope to hear, but she didn’t try to argue with him. She just listened.

“I stopped thinking about my soulmate when I started drinking. Because who needed to pin their hopes on fate when drugs and alcohol were right there, instant happiness? And I haven’t wondered about her since, because I refuse to. There’s no requirement that you love your soulmate, you know? You can walk away.”

Penelope heard what he wasn’t saying, and grabbed his hand. It was an impulse; she was rarely the one who reached out first.

“Schneider, listen. You’re right, about Victor, I know what that life is like. Which means I know what I’m talking about. You hear me?”

He nodded.

“You are more than your addictions. You prove that, every day you stay sober. Victor and I didn’t work out for a lot of reasons; in the end, we just weren’t meant. But for those years, I’m glad we had each other. Even during the worst of it, because it helped shape who I am, and I’m pretty awesome.”

He smiled. “You are.”

“So are you. Whether you meet your soulmate tomorrow, or you never find her, you have as much potential for happiness as I do. And if it doesn’t work, it could be because of your horrible taste in music or the fact that you cook nettles...it could be because she collects those creepy old dolls white women like, and they stare at you while you sleep, and when you want to move them out of the bedroom she cries and says they’re her children and talks to them by name. It could happen for all kinds of reasons!” Penelope insisted.

“But if it ends because you’re in recovery, and she can’t handle that, then she was never your soulmate to begin with. Because you’re easy to love, Schneider. You’re so easy to love, and you’ve worked really hard to stay sober, and anyone who cares about you can see that and is proud of you for it.”

He stared at her for a full minute, swallowing hard before he spoke. ”Hey, wasn’t this supposed to be your pep talk?”

“We can do me later,” she said, flashing him a smile. “Right now, I got you.”

“Yeah.” Schneider smiled back, squeezing her hand. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Pen.”

****

It was pretty bizarre that her little brother and her Abuelita, of all people, had helped Elena start dating...but she couldn't deny that without them, she probably never would have found herself getting ice cream with Syd.

Now that it was just them, she could feel her nerves coming back, times a hundred. Considering how they met, she lunged for the easiest conversation starter that came to mind.

"So, have you always been into gaming?" Elena asked, dipping her spoon into a cup of vanilla with crumbled cookie pieces on top.

Syd nodded. "Pretty much. I had to save up for my own equipment, because my parents aren't big into non-educational entertainment. They were fine with it once it was clear I wasn't going to let it interfere with my homework, though."

"What was your first console?"

Swallowing a mouthful of rocky road, Syd paused. "It's going to make me sound like such a nerd."

"Hey, you're talking to the queen of the nerds right here," Elena replied. "I recycle for fun."

"Well, I was impatient and saving up money was taking a long time, so I got my first console from one of my cousins when I was seven--and it was already a hand-me-down for him when he got it."

Elena smiled. "Now I'm intrigued."

"My first console was an Atari."

"No way. Like, the real thing? Retro Atari?"

"With Frogger and Pong and all of that, yeah." Syd grinned. "I wanted an Xbox, but allowance and extra chores could only go so far."

"I can't believe you bought your own gaming system at seven," Elena mused. "You're right, you really are a nerd."

"Hey, it takes one to...get ice cream with one."

"True." Elena smiled back, and they ate their dessert in slightly-more-comfortable silence after that.

It was at the end of the evening, when Syd held the door open on their way out of the shop, that the possibilities between them became so much scarier. Elena caught the date written on the inside of their wrist and stopped walking. She was frozen where she stood.

"Elena? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she told Syd faintly. The paralyzing terror was unexpected.

Hadn't she hoped this would happen? Wasn't it what she wanted?

"I'm fine," she added, as though saying the words would make it true. "Just a...a little dizzy."

At least that part wasn't a lie. It felt like the whole world had sped up around them, a whirlwind of possibilities, all tied to the meaning of July 19.

She knew the right thing to do would be to tell Syd the truth. They had the right to know what Elena had just figured out. But it was so soon--it was too soon. If Syd was going to let her down gently after their single date, it would hurt much worse now.

People's days were private, Elena thought, not sure if she really believed that or was trying to convince herself. She didn't have to reveal hers, just because Syd happened to have the same one, in an unavoidably visible area.

Love was a leap, that was what her mom had told her once. A decision, not just the unavoidable whims of fate.

As Syd waited with concern, Elena offered them a reassuring smile, and kept her mouth shut. She didn't know if this was fate or not, but she was sure of one thing: she wasn't ready to leap.

****

Getting confirmation from the universe that Syd could be her soulmate left Elena even more determined not to scare them off. It also seemed to directly increase the amount of stupid things she said when she was trying to flirt, and she couldn't make it stop.

It didn't help that she had a little brother who made it look easy. She wished she had half of Alex's cool, instead of being the sibling who couldn't string together a coherent sentence around her crush.

Kissing Syd was an act of desperation, some sports metaphor for her final chance, the moment when Elena decided it was better to risk everything than let Syd think the worst.

And then, kissing them was a revelation.

They liked her back. Even though she couldn't stop babbling, even though she spent most of their time together acting crazy, Syd liked Elena as much as she liked them. Enough to make out on a balcony in the middle of a manhunt.

Sent back inside by circling helicopters, they went to Elena's room, holding hands next to each other on her bed.

"I have to show you something," Elena said, before she could lose her nerve. With her free hand, she lifted up the long-sleeved shirt and vest that she was wearing, baring her stomach.

Syd's confusion turned to surprise, and then joy. They held up their wrist, asking the question with raised eyebrows rather than words.

Elena nodded. "I noticed it after ice cream."

"Why didn't you say something? I thought maybe you were lactose intolerant and just didn't want to mention it. Or that you had a terrible time."

"No, I had a great time. I just got scared, when I saw it."

"Of me?"

"Not you." Elena squeezed the hand she was still gripping between them. "Of the future, I guess? I thought I was ready to find the person I was meant to be with, and our first date was going really well, and then I saw your mark and I realized I am so not ready. Not for my whole life to be decided right now."

"Nobody said it has to be," they pointed out.

"Yes, and I realized that a few minutes ago, when happiness finally drowned out the panic in my head. I like you. And hey, maybe we're meant to be. That's pretty cool."

"That's very cool," Syd agreed.

"So for now, I'm going to focus on that. Getting to know each other better and having fun."

"Saving destiny for later."

"Exactly."

"Sounds perfect." Syd looked down at their joined hands. "Should we go join your family?"

"It's been weird out there. I kinda got the feeling we'd be better off staying in here."

"Okay."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Syd let go of Elena's hand. She turned toward them to make sure everything was okay, but never got the chance to ask.

Syd leaned in slowly to kiss her, giving her time to protest, melting her nerves away with every brush of their lips and the feeling of their fingertips against her face.

When they finally emerged from her room, Elena was certain even Dr. Berkowitz could see the flashing sign above their heads that said 'just got done making out until we were flushed and breathless.' Nobody said anything, though.

It was a miracle that she didn't revert to her former, babbling self after that, but once the soulmate connection was out the open, Elena didn't feel nervous around Syd anymore. She didn't feel scared, either. She just felt happy.

Until Homecoming.

****

Before Syd showed up in that jacket and tie and made a liar out of Elena and her disdain for high school rites of passage, she wasn't sure how anybody knew when they were in love.

She loved her family and her closest friends, and she had thought about it a lot, but it was a mystery to her. How did 'like' evolve into 'love' and when did you notice the difference? It had to be really obvious, right? Like getting hit by lightning, one of those metaphors for love that sounded violent and terrifying but, Elena thought, must be worth the damage. Otherwise, why would everyone be so obsessed with romance and happily-ever-afters?

Maybe people liked to exaggerate. Or maybe she was just weird, because it was nothing like a lightning bolt. It wasn't even like her heart skipped a beat.

Elena watched Syd totally embarrass themself in front of her family--except they weren't embarrassed at all, not like Elena would be with everyone looking at her while she sang and danced. Syd was so secure in who they were...they liked her that much...they were one of the most amazing people Elena had ever met. They were smart, and funny, and sweet, and so talented, and oh my god she was in love with them.

She expected her stomach to lurch, her heart to race, and it did as the significance of her feelings sunk in. But the actual fall into love was so easy, it didn't hurt it all. It was more like static electricity in the dark, over an empty patch of carpet. A brilliant spark she never expected that could light her up.

And wow, did it ever. She went to a dance. She danced without caring what anybody else thought. She was happy, and in love, and once she told Syd the truth about her lack of popularity, she felt even more sure that they belonged together.

Their days matched, after all. According to the lore that was the first step to forever.

If she were a different kind of person, an easier person, less prone to picking everything apart and looking for danger, that would have been enough. But she was Elena Alvarez, and she had two divorced parents who could barely hold a conversation about the weather without arguing.

Parents with matching days, who loved each other right up until they didn't.

After the dance she couldn't help thinking about it, worrying over it. She and Syd were so happy that she could lock the fear away most of the time, but it would come back whenever she got too comfortable. Anytime Elena thought they really must be soulmates, an obnoxious part of her brain asked why it mattered. If soulmates couldn't guarantee a relationship was forever, what was the point?

By the end of the school year she she could tell her distant moods were worrying Syd, but she couldn't stop feeling torn between happiness and fear. If they knew she had doubts, it would worry them even more, so Elena avoided the questions and the confused looks.

It finally occurred to her on a random Tuesday night at home that she might be missing a piece of the puzzle. If she was, Elena realized, laying her domino down next to the last one Alex had played, she could never expect to figure this out.

Elena didn't want to hurt her mom by opening old wounds, but she had to know. Was the moral of her parents' story that soulmate bonds couldn't guarantee happiness?

Or had her mom just mistaken her Papi for fate?