#‘sadly for you — my love outlives the universe.’

[bruciemilf]

“Too Sweet” by Hozier is a superbat anthem btw

[lineffability]

on crowley's loneliness

there's sth that has been sitting with me vis a vis Crowley, loneliness, and what the fandom, largely, has made of it... and it is the notion, simply put, that Crowley is - well - lonely.

but of course he is, you might say, I've even got textual evidence for it! and you might quote Good Omens Season 2 Episode A Companion to Owls directed by Douglas MacKinnon and written by John Finnemore, and you might point to the final conversation of the Job Minisode, when they agree that being a demon/angel who goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can is...lonely!

and, yes, that's right and true.

and yet. still. I want to argue against Crowley being lonely. at least to some extent. I'm not saying crowley isn't lonely, it's more about how that loneliness is sometimes portrayed/interpreted/understood?

I think we need to look at Crowley's loneliness on different levels: his loneliness vis a vis humanity and his loneliness vis a vis the occult/his job/his place in the ineffable scheme of things

because it's right there in the quote, isn't it? it's lonely to be a demon who doesn't feel part of hell. it's not about being lonely on earth with the humans.

when it comes to humanity and friendships to humans, regardless how close or not they may be, Crowley is not lonely! he forms attachments, he meets and knows tons of people, he schemes, he has fun (Jane Austen anyone???? I mean it's actual canon) and yes of course they all die - of course Crowley's human friendships, just like Aziraphale's, are always slightly detached because , well y'know, they will outlive every single human they will ever meet, and that will influence your attachment style. they don't even really meet humans as equals, arguably, but they both have been shown to continuously engage in friendships, whether those are superficial acquaintances (like neighbor Maggie to Aziraphale) or genuine connections (like Leonardo Da Vinci or Jesus, both canonically really close relationships of Crowley's!!) but it's not even the fact that human friendships are fleeting that makes him lonely in the end - it doesn't cheapen the experience. he's used to people coming and going. it's the way things are.

where the loneliness hits, and yes it hits hard, is on the supernatural level. hated by heaven and hell etc etc. before he became closer with Aziraphale (so roughly around Job) he was truly a solo agent, all alone against the not-world, and this experience of defying both hell and his arguable purpose as a demon made him lonely where it mattered most. but Aziraphale has since been with him, they are the same, they are a group of the two of them and they are only lonely together, which is a different kind of loneliness. it holds defiance and partnership - us against the world.

he still struggles with purpose, both his own and that of the universe, he struggles with his own love for humans and God's seeming indifference to them, and there's loneliness in that too, or at least pain, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have any friends??

ah I think this is the bit that gets me! that people think he doesn't have any friends! or that he doesn't have a life outside of Aziraphale! there we are, I have arrived at the core of my problem apparently. (idk if I'm making any sense with this incoherent rambling, I'm making it up as I go)

but basically I just have been irked by seeing this idea a few to many times that's basically: 'aziraphale is a happy little socialite who draws friends to him like moths to an angelic flame while crowley needily and sadly and longingly waits by himself for the angel to grace him with his company' (this is slightly exaggerated maybe but you get my drift, and I'm sure you've seen takes like that) (I love pining Crowley as much as anyone believe me, and oh boy does he do pine - but you know what I mean right??) (I just love this stupid optimistic and loving demon too much)

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Jeremy Henzell-Thomas is an independent researcher, writer, speaker, educational consultant, former Visiting Fellow and Research Associate at the Centre of Islamic Studies at the University of Cambridge, and Associate Editor of the quarterly journal Critical Muslim. He was awarded an MBE in the Queen’s Birthday Honours in 2021 for services to the Civil Society and the Muslim Community.

We share an issue of the physical heart...This is his musing on getting older.

“Approaching my 75th birthday I am reminded that getting older is often regarded (even stigmatised or stereotyped) as a time of declining faculties, increasing disability, and progressive crystallisation (one might even say ‘cementing’) of existing habits and attitudes, including ‘living in the past’ and getting ‘set in one’s ways’. In As you Like It Shakespeare famously depicts the final stage in the ‘Seven Ages of Man’ as one of dotage, senility and second childishness, culminating in ‘mere oblivion, sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.’

Sadly, many seniors do see themselves as having been consigned to the ‘scrap-heap’, and even if they don’t they are often treated as such by others. I remember well a BBC interview with a very senior nursing officer on the mistreatment of elderly people in the healthcare system. Her explanation for the culture of neglect and abuse was simple. Fewer and fewer people, she said, had any religious faith or spiritual values, nor any belief in an afterlife. They therefore saw old people not as precious souls approaching the transition to the next stage of existence but only as dispensable material bodies which had outlived their usefulness. This rings true. Ageism and the culture of contempt for the old is the ultimate consequence of a brutal and nihilistic materialism which reduces everything to base physical utility, to a mere mortal body devoid of soul and spirit.

Well, I want to buck the trend and affirm that as we grow older, we are blessed with the opportunity to transcend the problems which come with age, and awaken those deeper faculties that connect us to our essential nature as fully human beings created ‘in the image of God’.For me, the experience of true intimacy is integral to that awakening. As the Qur’an tells us, God is ‘closer to you than your jugular vein.’ I love that affirmation because it confirms for me that aging offers a transformational opportunity to ‘come home’, to feel the Divine Presence intimately in the very core of the body. Several years ago I had a striking dream that I had descended from Mount Everest into the foothills, although I still had to descend further into the valleys and levels. The stunning 190-mile Pembrokeshire Coast Path in Wales, which I trekked at the age of 65, actually involves a total ascent of 30,000 feet, higher than Mount Everest, so the image of Everest in my dream was referring not only to the fact that it is the highest mountain but also that it was a ‘height’ that I had scaled in my walk.

I understand now that the gift of aging is to come down from the lofty heights of heroic personal achievement and transcendent spiritual experience and exercise more warmth, love, compassion, intimacy, reconciliation and tenderness in the immanence of our relationship with others and with the world at large. In short, to become more fully human.In one sense, the transition to a Heart-centred life runs counter to the process of aging, for the physical heart is subject to various diseases. These include coronary heart disease, which occurs when the heart muscle's blood supply is blocked by a build-up of fatty substances in the coronary arteries, and aortic stenosis, when calcification causes narrowing of the aortic valve which reduces blood flow. I am familiar with the latter, as I have a bicuspid aortic valve, a congenital condition which causes stenosis, and which is monitored annually by echocardiogram. It has recently progressed from a mild to a moderate level and I am told that when it reaches a severe level I will need a replacement valve, perhaps before I reach the age of 80.

The physical deterioration of the heart, as manifested in ‘narrowing’, ‘blocking’ and ‘hardening’ offers useful analogies to similar defects in the psyche. We can speak of someone having a ‘hard heart’ or a ‘narrow view’ without in any way implicating the physical organ. In the same way, the word ‘sclerotic’ can be used to describe someone’s thinking or behaviour as rigid and unresponsive, losing the ability to adapt, without referring to sclerosis as a physical condition.

Given the common stereotype of growing old as a time of the narrowing of one’s outlook, I am very much aware of how this tendency (one might say ‘disease’) needs to be countered by cultivating a soft, open and expansive Heart that brings light, love, healing words, and compassion into one’s life and the lives of others. As I age, and hopefully before I need a replacement aortic valve, I pray that I might be true to my own Heart, and thereby to exemplify the Sufi injunction to ‘die before you die’, to let go of the egoic or false self, and live and speak by the light of the true Self. There comes a time when one must sincerely embody and enact what one knows and expresses in words.I love the moment in the film Greystoke (accompanied by the noble opening theme of Elgar’s first symphony) when Tarzan returns home to the place of his ancestry, the beautiful country estate of his elderly grandfather, the Earl of Greystoke. My eyes fill with tears when Tarzan alights from his carriage and is embraced by the earl, played with great feeling by Ralph Richardson. This ‘coming home’ is deeply symbolic for me. Tarzan, lost in the jungle, comes home after years of exile from his family, culture and native land, to be welcomed with open arms by his grandfather.

But my response is not an intellectual response to symbolism but a profound emotional feeling of ‘returning’ to the place where we all belong. In so doing, we fulfil the purpose of our lives, which is none other than the realisation of our essential unity with the ground of being. It is coming to rest in old age, in that remembrance of our ‘origin’, which on the deepest level is none other than being embraced by the ultimate Source of Love.”

[Thank you Ian Sanders]

[downfallofi]

Ok but, if love to hear about some of your super heroes someone. Man if you haven't played Stardew Valley in a while you should, they recently updated it and added some cool new stuff. Also I totally get the shibari thing. I don't sketch or draw but I think it's very aesthetically pleasing in a non perverted way and can see how it's be a fun excessive in posing and angles and such, especially with some of the more extravagant artistic shibari. Do you have a PC and what consoles do you have? Sorry to hear that about your friend, I know even if you're growing apart loading a friend can suck really bad.

Thank you for this ask, also.

I so wanna see how the new updates look in Stardew, like there's a new island to explore? And whole new fruits? (My wine aging casks in the cellar are a vital part of my little operation bringing in cash every day so new fruit to make wine with is exciting to me, baha) And yeah, like even being like ten years in on one playthrough there are still so many trophies I want to attempt when I start it up again. Even though some of them depend on being a traitor and siding with Joja mart in a new save.

For consoles have my slightly battered PS4, which has weathered two moves and multiple corrupted data reboots sadly, and may need puttin out to pasture soon 🥲🥲🥲 Im really strapped for cash and the thought of pricing a PS5 or something as a replacement and Im trying to be like hold on old girl just one more 700 meg download of a DLC for me

I also have a Nintendo Switch handheld with, like, two games loaded that my friend James sent me, it's second hand and I do not love the controller drift but I really enjoyed Pokemon Sword and the remaster of Skyward Sword a lot!

And also my GBA, that thing will outlive me and I still have a dozen games for it. First edition, I got it for Xmas 2001, it has followed me my entire adult life.

And yeah, you get it! I truly believe all art has validity to it, even horny art has it's niche as expression.

And man I would love to talk the heroes I created in high school, it's just such a thing that I might be here all night 😅😅😅 It started, oddly enough, with me mimicking cartoons. Idk if like anyone remembers, there was a bad, old Avengers cartoon on Fox in the 90's. (It was. Bad. They all had armor, nonsensically) so starting in middle school, using that as a jumping off point, I created Avengers in Armor ripoffs I called the Detectives. And they were my first real attempt, middle school wise, to do more than just random comics. I took spiral bound notebooks and I just began filling them up. And I was experimenting, tinkering all the time, because creating an experience that was as much as I cojld make it LIKE a comic book, in that it was very crudely drawn anatomically bad figures from a middle schooler. But the formula began taking shape, the notebook pages became stock, nine panel grids and from there I just filled page after page with ongoing adventures of this team.

Now. The Detectives. Sucked. And even in 8th-9th grade, I was losing interest in them because that Avengers show I took the germ of inspiration for their adventures from didnt even last that long, and I was getting into other stuff. Harry Potter. Blade Runner. Toonami cartoons, MUCH better shit than Fox Kids. I began using that and started cranking out more and more heroes.

Killed the Detectives, just wholesale had them wiped out, they sucked.

But I began building a universe of heroes beyond them, starting with a Harry Potter sort of pastiche that I also used as a commentary on high school and he was a little bit okay a lot like me, named Johnny Dreamer. And then other heroes in Johnny's world. And then, another comic, which I brilliantly named Systems Crash, about a dark anti-hero named Downfall (total Deadpool ripoff) and a Supergirl pastiche I based off a friend of mine. And just on and on. The notebooks began bursting with content, and I was riding some fucking lightning pushing these out and not doing any schoolwork. I was creating a little shared universe.

Like I said, I remember it all too well. It's just there doesnt seem to be any getting it back 😅 which makes me sad.

And yeah. Story of my life a bit, friends leave. It never stops being hard, when people who spoke to me every day begin texting less and less and move on with their lives, but it feels like Im just not... worth it? Idk it does make being friends with people hard for me.

So uh.

Thank you for the questions, honestly

[sorcerous-caress]

Ayooo, I loved the hell out of space as a kid, too. Would scramble and pick up every Discovery magazine or library book, and I got a basic telescope to observe Saturn's rings (well, it was blurry, so it looked more like a ring, but cool nonetheless.)

Was obsessed with super novas. It was something about a star, one of the biggest conceivable things in the universe, yet one of billions, could explode and be so bright, that they could dwarf the light galaxies themselves were so captivating.

Surprisingly, I was terrified by black holes, I thought they were lonely yet didn't like to ponder on them that much.

Would Sol like the Astral Plane? How about Limbo? I always imagined it like walking through the remains of a supernova.

Kinda wanna gift them a telescope, just to give them the ability to taunt stars face to face.

Oh my god a telescope lucky you!

My family could never afford one so I just settled for bad quality images on google and the 3d renders on Nasa's official website. I used to want to be an astronaut as a kid.

I loved math, I adored math and I understood it in ways it impressed my teachers. So much that when kid me heard about quantum physics and how they break the normal math we know, I was fucking head over heels.

I never understood the equations or symbols, it was so much more advanced than elementary and middle school math but I'd watch video after video of people solving it just for fun.

I'd tear through every article I could find on space, especially blackholes. Yes they were terrifying! But so beautiful?? They broke reality and I was in literal awe. Nothing could ever make me scared of them no matter how much fear they made me feel, I'd adore them more and more.

I remember when kid me found out that Venus is the hottest planet! I debated my teachers about it the next day because our science books were outdated, and it still claimed that Mercury is.

Supernovas are really amazing too! They are the reason we have the elements we do.

Oh god okay so, wanna hear about my favourite kind of star? It's a one that no longer exists but did back in the early stages of the galaxy.

It's a black hole star. Not a star that turned into a black holen but a literal black hole STAR.

It weights 800,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons

It's a massive star that held a blackhole at its core, BUT the star didn't explode! It's not going through a supernova, it's still a full functioning star who's core collapsed from the immense pressure and ended up with a blackhole.

And the thing is, because of how fast blackholes spin, everything takes a really long way to actually fall inside them. That's what those rings of lights around them are. So no matter how much that blackhole consumed, it wasn't faster than the star itself would generate.

Yk these supermassive blackholes at the center of the galaxies? It's theorises that the black hole stars are the reason behind them. A star endlessly feeding a blackhole for billions of years.

They can't exist anymore sadly :( the universe just can't support it anymore.

Here's the video about it, my heart flutters just thinking about how something so beautiful could exist.

I read about the star life cycles, the red dwarves, the blue gaints, the neutron stars that will outlive everything in the end of the galaxy. How the milkway is on its way to get married to andromeda.

The universe is so vast and empty and big yet so full of things and dark matter. It's so beautiful like how sound existed far before anyone could hear it and yet we developed ears just so we could hear music. Hopefully one day we will do the same and be able to fill the gaps in space.

And I like the mythology euphemism and titles used in space! It is the reason I got so invested in mythology literature because I wanted to understand why they were naming these planets and missions those names.

Space held everything I have ever loved and felt passion for, stars, blackholes, math, literature, and the unknown.

There is so much to understand, so much to explore and we know nothing, isn't that the best feeling in the world? To look everywhere and be met with the unkown and question marks?

And about Sol, if you took them to the Astral plane, they'd be enamoured. Looking at all those different stars, realising how small the sun is in comparison, how big the world is, how little they matter.

And it weirdly brings them relief? Makes them feel safe. This is a place that could handle them, it feels like they belong here amdist the stars. That maybe if they burn and melt their skin off by accident here, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary, stars burn out and die all the time.

But they'd miss the grass, the cows and worms. They especially miss the plants and flowers. The Astral plane is pretty and all but they'd rather doze off under a tree shade while watching a colony of ants, even if it meant they can't be themselves. They also prefer close proximity fighting, jump between a bunch of enemies and set everyone, including themselves, ablaze with a fireball.

In the Astral plane, all fighting feels long range. Everyone is jumping or moving away and there is too much room for escape and fluidity. Sol is more Solid (Ha!) They can never compete with a dexterous enemy.

In Limbo- oh boy. They have 0 control over their emotions, you tell them emotions wrap space around you and they're instantly panicking and boom a nuclear bomb went off. If they could control their emotions, they wouldn't have been struggling with their magic as much in the first place.

It's like previously they held an wooden club but now you've handed them a loaded gun. And their mood swings and vortex of emotions keep firing off.

Their magic would love it tho, as in the dragon embodiment. Hell yeah this place rocks, and ops they attracted a chaos dragon who thinks they're challenging their territory.

A Chaotic neutral character having a horrible time at a Chaotic neutral plane, who could've gussed it.

Maybe good ending Sol may manage to be there? They'd be decent at it, survive but never thrive. It's just not who they are.

If you hand them a telescope, they'd be confused on how to use it. Doesn't Gale have one too? I think they'd have a bad view on telescopes because Gale owns one therefore they're bad.

Also there is this small possibility they might wonder and stare at the sun with it if left unattended, it's very small but it is very possible.

They have no interest in the moon or other planets, the stars tho? They're invested. But all of them are so far away...it feels pointless, they can't make out any details. They can't ever witness a star close without risking their eyesight and that annoys them, they might accidentally melt the telescope in frustration.

Sol would feel so bad since it was a gift, they wouldn't wanna face you in shame of ruining something you've given them. They'll try to take it somewhere to fix, even if the price of fixing it is more expensive than buying a new telescope. They'll still look at the sky from time to time, feel lucky that the stars are so far away, and they're here and alive.

How many stars can say they're alive like Sol? How many suns can claim a voice or a nose? It might have started as them taunting the stars, but it made them self reflect on their life, the little time they have left, the choices they have to make. The stars seem so lonely up there, it's a good thing Sol is down there with the rest.

[smidgen-of-hotboy]

YEAHHHHHH!!! so the way I think of it, changelings are still full blooded fae creatures like any other. But they're different. They're different because they grew up outside the fae realm. They don't know the rules and games that other fae do. So in my logic, they shouldn't be bound by them. Changelings were raised by human parents. They can learn to lie, cheat, and steal. Peter was raised by Mag, so ofc he learned how to do all that exceptionally well.

Small Fry is just a sweetheart. She can do no wrong. Deserves a damn college fund smh

Vespa is just Like That on top of Juno not being civil with her. Like. I feel for this universe like in canon, they come to an understanding. Vespa looks at Juno and where he is now and his hunt for this changeling, and she's reminded of herself. She sees herself hunting Buddy through the fae wilds, crossing over again and again exchanging her health and when her and Bud finally get to talk, Buddy finds out how she's been crossing over and then on promises she won't run where Vespa can't catch up to her. Smth smth- vowing this lifetime to one another, through sickness and in health. Vespa will never admit it to Steel, but she's been where he's been, and it doesn't end pretty for the hunter. She is scared he's going to die and Buddy will grow sad again.

When Juno's talking to Buddy, he's the one saying "kinder-fae" and it's in reference to Small Fry. Kinder-fae (pronounced kin-der-fae) is a play on words. Kinder (kin-der) meaning "child/children" and fae meaning (well) "fae". Child-Fae. Kinder is being used as a German root word, like the kinder- in kindergarten (child(ren) garden).

Juno is somewhere around in his late thirties at this point in his life. On the verge of 40. There's probably been grey hairs for a while but now they're more noticeable. He looks older than he actually is now all of a sudden, definitely older than he appeared a week ago. (This WILL come back around to bite him in the ass eventually)

Regarding Buddy's age: she is much older than she appears, and she will (sadly) outlive Vespa and Jet. She isn't thinking about that at the moment, though the thought has crossed Vespa and Jet. They've discussed it and it's generally agreed that they aren't going to talk about it until Buddy does. Buddy just wants her family again. She's found one with Vespa and Jet, she's needling her way into Juno, and she's going to needle her way into anyone she crosses paths with. Bud loves with her whole heart. When her family is gone and there's no one left, no one but her (the last Aurinko once more) she'll burn out.

So Juno and Sasha are not on the best of terms. The last time they spoke was shortly after Juno was accepted into the HMHA as a hunter, Sasha contacted Benzaiten and met with him. Juno came home and she congratulated him with a bottle of whiskey. Juno accepted the gift and poured them all a glass, and after a few rounds with Juno significantly more drunk than he ought to have been, Sasha laid it on thick how much she thought he made a mistake becoming a hunter. Juno was going to start a fight with her but Ben intervened and saw Sasha out of their home. He helped Juno to bed and laid with him carding his fingers through his twin's hair. ("She doesn't get it Benten... I 'ave- I gotta protec' youuu... I'm a hun'er... protec'ing you... she doesn't- doesn't get it." And all Ben can do is hold Juno closer and kiss his head. His mind is a mess as he's thinking about what happened to them all. Him. Juno. Mick. Sasha. And especially about what happened to little Annie Wire...)

Juno is ofc on his hunt for Peter and on the heels of catching up as he makes it to the coastal town DM is about to launch a Hunt from. Juno walks through the dock town, the few bars are all opened and packed that night. Hunters from DM are there ofc, but also hunters from HMHA, Io Monster Hunter Association, Titan Hunter Association, and several more.

Juno enters a bar at random and shoulders his way up to the bartop. The other hunters are making an absolute ruckus inside. They don't care tho as they sling a gun in a bartenders face and get more drunk.

Juno settles in a seat and asks for a neat whiskey. He takes his glass and sips from it, spotting a person of interest across the way from him. A hunter with a beautiful smile and lovely hair. He laughs and it's annoying. There's a faint smell of something floral. Dark suit and dark shades. They keep looking Juno's way, makin eyes at him. Before Juno can get up to talk to them tho, someone approaches his blind spot, "Well well, I knew I smelled rot when I walked in."

Juno turns and it's Sasha Wire. In the flesh. She's a little more aged since he last saw her. Scarred face and more padded protection all over. She has dark shades pushed up into her hair and a sour expression. Dark circles under her eyes. Silver growing into her dark hair.

"Juno."

"Wire, you look ragged as hell. Werecat maul you to half death?"

"No. It was a griffin. And you look charming as ever. Bit more weathered than I remember. I see you're compensating for something with such a big gun."

As they're staring each other down some of Sasha's fellow hunters from DM take notice and form a circle. They're whooping and placing bets on who strikes first. Someone starts meowing like a cat, another whispers "the girls are fighting..."

Sasha looks cool as cucumber clenching her jaw and digging her nails into her hands. She will not let them get under her skin.

"What brings you out here?"

"The same reason I take it youre here. The Dark Matters Hunt."

Sasha nods, "Well, it's good to see you dragged yourself out of whatever ditch you drank yourself into since we last met. I hope you don't get sea sick easy. Goodnight, Juno." She turns to leave.

"C'mon Wire, we both got drunk in the same ditch as kids sipping from the same bottle. At least one of us didn't fork up thousands of creds to attend private hunting school." Sasha freezes, her back to Juno.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing much. Just that- some of us are natural born hunters."

"At least I've sharpened all my skills. You're just a one trick pony." She turns to look at him properly.

"Yeah- point aim shoot is pretty easy. Anyone can do it."

"That doesn't mean you should be. You're not made for monster hunting. You didn't even want to do this when we were kids. At least I'm consistent. What changed?"

Juno pauses. Sasha slowly smiles and begins to walk off thinking she won. Juno gets one last bite in, "At least I didn't turn my back on my home, on my friends and family, and help my boss bulldoze Oldtown to the ground. At least I'm not ashamed of my sewage filled dumpster diving past, Sasha."

Hunter W freezes and after a few seconds she resumes walking out the bar. The other hunters cheer. Money gets passed around. Someone buys Juno a shot, another buys him second whiskey, a third shoves a cig in his fingers, and a fourth comes up to light it. (Juno is frowning the whole time. He thought it would feel good to dig like that at Sasha. It didn't. He's ashamed of himself. He doesn't want to think or look too hard about it though so he downs the shot, the whiskey, and finishes the cig before ordering himself another round)

The man from earlier approaches his good side and stays in Juno's line of sight. He laughs too harshly but Juno likes him. He introduces himself as Rex Glass. "No need for your introduction- you've made quite a name for yourself in the past few months, Juno."

They flirt and tease and eventually Juno leans in for a kiss. One thing leads to another and Glass is leading him back to the hostel he's staying in for the time being. They make it over the doorway into the hostel room. The door clicks shut and Juno presses Glass into the wall, whispers something in his ear, and as Glass has his back turned toeing off his shoes- a pistol is pressed between his shoulder blades.

"Jigs up, Nureyev. Hands where I can see them."

"Oh! You wouldnt-" Juno loads a bullet in the chamber. "Oh. You would. Well then."

"What are you doing here getting ready for a Hunt?"

"Blending in. Much much easier to take care of business when you're hiding in plain sight."

"I should shoot you."

"But you haven't. Why not?"

"I... don't know. Dammit." Juno unloads his pistol and moves away from Nureyev. He reholsters it and wipes his mouth. "You got mouthwash?"

"Uhh- yes? In the bathroom... I'm confused."

"Yeah that makes two of us."

Juno enters the bathroom and comes back out shortly after. Fresher breath. Washed his face. He points to the bed and Nureyev takes a seat. Juno pulls up a stool and sits down too. "Where to even begin..."

He proceeds to fill Nureyev in on what happened at the Cerberus Province and Balder. Nureyev is unamused to find out that Juno didn't kill or even hurt Jet ("Buddy does have that sort of effect on people"), but is taken aback about the events that unfolded at Balder. He never expected Juno to intentionally not kill, and his jaw physically hangs open when Juno tells him he opened a portal to the fae realm.

"You did WHAT?"

"Opened a portal to the fae realm. What, likes it hard."

"Juno I don't think you understand- even I haven't opened a portal to cross over."

"I know." Peter blinks. "I know you haven't crossed over, you dont have a home, and I know you didn't tell anyone back in the Cerberus Province your name. Tell me Nureyev, what did you want with me back at the gala?"

"I wanted to kill you. I was hungry and your shoulder was quite delectable." Juno makes a disgusted face and Nureyev laughs. His facial features twist and morph and until he's a different person entirely. No longer Rex Glass but instead the face of Peter Nureyev.

"Is that your real face?"

"As real as it gets I'm afraid."

"Why'd you steal the globe?"

He shrugs, "I needed the creds."

"You're lying."

"I'm not though. I need creds to pay off a debt I owe. Tell me, dear Hunter, what do you know about changelings?"

Juno knows as much as Rita's told him: they have a real "true face", they blend in with humans remarkably well (often times better than other fae), and he knows to not give his name up to fae creatures. Changelings eat living things. They pick out eyes, chew on bones, deface their prey. They're nails are like retractable claws and their teeth are sharp fangs. Juno knows changelings are born natural hunters. They're tricky. They can lie. They're still fae though. They still have something to them that gives away their true nature (Buddy's fiery red hair, Jack's piercing blue eyes). Human in appearance, monstrous by nature. And now that Juno's got a better look at Nureyev in proper lighting, he can see the amber glow to his eyes. Illuminated. All the better to hunt with.

Nureyev’s impressed by how much Juno does know and how much he's pieced together. Juno is right. Nureyev is a born hunter. A predator. He does deface his prey and he does dig eyes out. He keeps glancing at Juno's eye patch.

"Whatever you're thinking- you're probably wrong."

"I only know the broad strokes about your life, Hunter. I know you've encountered another like me, but that's as much as I could gleam."

"Who told you about Takano?"

"I'm afraid, I can't say." Juno raises a brow. "Truly I can't. My hands are tied. I wouldn't lie about this."

Juno considers this, weighs his options, and eventually caves. He tells Nureyev the short version of how he lost his eye. He doesn't elaborate on what happened to Miasma after he contained her in a glass jar (he doesn't like to think of it) and then ask point blank what he's doing here on the Hunt.

Nureyev returns Juno's story with an explanation: He's hunting the monster Dark Matters captured for the Hunt. He doesn't intend to infiltrate DM and kill them all off, and he also doesn't intend to free the monster either. He's actually, legitimately, hunting the monster. This surprises Juno, not because it's unheard of for monsters to kill monsters (he knows that they do), but because he doesn't see what grudge Nureyev could possibly have with a random monser to warrant him to kill it.

Nureyev tells him he doesn't hold a grudge, not towards any monster at least, and asks Juno who that was earlier at the bar. Juno groans and slides from his stool to the floor like a child. Nureyev finds this very amusing. (Color him smitten.)

"Hunter W. I'd rather not get into that mess."

"Whats her full name?"

"I'm not giving that to you." Nureyev’s grin is sharp. Clever Hunter. "So if you don't have a grudge, why are you actually joining the Hunt?"

"I've been hired to. Hired to Hunt a monster... I was hired by a Hunter."

Juno snaps his head up and can't believe what he heard. A monster hunter hired a monster to do their hunting. Instead of getting their hands dirty, they're having someone else do it for them. This is completely unheard of.

They spend the rest of the night going back and forth like this. Asking questions in exchange for answers. Juno finds out Nureyev’s been doing this hunting for a monster hunter thing for a while now. He keeps switching between saying "he" and "they" and Juno can't tell if Nureyev is talking about one person or two. Nureyev joins him on the floor. Juno learns he's from Brahma ("your accent-" "Brahman. Im from Brahma." "Far from home, arent you?" Nuryeve just nods), doesn't like the taste of poultry, and prefers to wear silk. Nureyev weasels out of him more details about Balder and is pleasantly surprised to hear about Small Fry ("I knew she was around so I didn't linger long, and I didn't want to risk running into whatever that thing in the woods was").

Finally Nureyev circles back around to Juno opening a portal and asks the question he's been dying to know: what did you give up?

"Time." His smile is bitter. It's sad. Nureyev remembers Benzaiten from the gala and how strikingly similar he looked to Juno. The only main differences were Juno's missing eye and Ben's lithe body (he's a dancer! Junos a fighter! Ofc they're built different) Getting a good long hard close up look at Juno now though, he sees the pronounced wrinkles. The grey streaks in his hair. A blemish on his face that wasn't previously there. Juno has aged. Physically aged because he gave up his time. And now he's older than his brother. Older than his twin. And from he's learned tonight, if there's anything that matters most to Juno Steel, it's his family. Juno gave up his time, gave up valuable time that he wouldve spent someday retired alongside his brother. And now, he might not get that anymore.

"Juno- you impossible idiot." It's the first time the whole night Nureyev’s called him by his name.

Juno's sobered up at this point and clears his throat. He gets off the floor and gathers his belongings, "I ought to go. Need to sleep for this Hunt..."

"You could stay. Promise I won't try to rip your face off in your sleep. Or gnaw your shoulder." Nureyev smiles, softer this time, and Juno's heart stutters. The bites on his shoulder healed leaving scars. Heat collects in his face. "I don't mind staying on the floor if that makes you more comfortable. I think it would be worth it if we stuck together this Hunt. Juno Steel and Rex Glass. What do you say, Hunter?"

Something screams in Juno to walk out. Run away and never look back. This changeling promises to not eat him tonight but that can change tomorrow. He's being consumed right now. Been consumed since he followed Nureyev back to the hostel. Staying will be a mistake. Leaving will be a bigger one.

"Alright, we can work together on the Hunt. One condition."

"Name your price, though if it's creds I'm afraid I run short there."

"I don't want your money. I want the truth. Raw, honest truth."

"That doesnt sound entirely fair."

"Nothing in a hunter's world ever is. Deal?" Juno offers a hand. Nureyev gently takes it, and they shake on it. Tonight, they'll try to find rest as Juno Steel and Peter Nureyev. Tomorrow, they'll join a DM hunt as Hunter Steel and Hunter Glass.

I promised to deliver my thoughts about my monster hunter juno au and well, here you are @one-joe-spoopy (@esquemeencanta i got a feeling you'll wanna see this too so here ya go)

To recap from my last post: Juno is a monster hunter. Rita is his right hand lady. Ben is alive. Vespa is human. Rita is human. Juno and Ben are human. Buddy is an elf. Jet is a werewolf. Peter is a changeling.

I also mentioned last post about how changelings work but to recap: changelings are the abandoned children of fae. They are exchanged for a human child and live out their lives until they return to the fae realm or rip of their human parents face.

!This is your obligatory gore and violence warning!

there are different realms, most notably: Waking (where all the living are), Fae (elves, changelings, nymph and dryad, and ofc fae), Slumbering (the place where dead and lost souls wander). There may be others but so far Monster Hunters haven't found a way to cross over to them. Not yet.

Nureyev was found as an abandoned child in the streets of Brahma. Mag (human) took interest and took him in. He trained him to be a thief. Eventually, Peter turned on him and ripped his face off. His instincts had kicked in and he was starving. He had always been hungry, nothing could satisfy him until he held Mag's face in his hands. New Kinshasa monster hunters chased him out of New Kinshasa and hunted him throughout Brahma. He met Slip while on the run

Slip is a monster sympathizer. He sides with Petya and believes in a free world where no more blood is spilled. He turns a blind eye to Petya's bloodlust and has helped him in the past secure meals. Together they've traversed across Brahma to Saraswati and there Peter was cornered by monster hunters. He was captued, drugged, and released for a hunt. He ran back to Slip and in his confusion hurt him, causing Slip to fall unconsious. He was found and recaptured but not executed. They took Slip from him despite his efforts to fight back. For a time Peter wasn't sure if Slip would survive... Slip has since recovered but is wanted by monster hunter associations in Saraswati, Brahma, and New Kinshasa for his betrayal to humanity.

Peter works for monster hunters to evade monster hunters to keep Slip safe. His "Keepers" are a monster hunting duo that are rumored to keep monsters in cages. No one knows about Peter because anyone who did is dead. Either bc Peter ripped their face off or bc the Keepers eliminated them personally. Peter is their most prized possession. The Keepers are the monster hunters that found and recaptured Peter in the first place. They are the ones that took Slip away to be taken care of.

So Peter takes out other monsters bc he's told to. He also takes out Monster Hunters, eliminating his Keeper's rivals. Blood covers the path he's walked. He is very tired of living like this chained to them, but they're withholding Slip. So long as Peter works for them, they ensure Slip is safe. And so long as Slip is safe, that's all that matters to him.

Juno, meanwhile, was a punk turned cop. He worked alongside Puck Falco for the hcpd. A case led to an arrest of a 76 year old monster hunter who babbled things about the apocalypse and how they're all doomed if they let monsters run rampant. While in their custody the monster hunter is killed by a monster and sharpshooter Juno shoots the monster down. He's awarded and recognized and approached by Hyperion Monster Hunter Association, the HMHA. He's told its more high risk high reward than cop work. He wasn't going to accept the offer until they name dropped Benzaiten. "His life will be hell if you don't take this offer Steel. Monsters got their own hunters out there. And if we can find him just by a quick check on you, they'll find him too. It's all about exchange. Eye for an eye. Blood for blood."

Juno becomes a monster hunter to protect Benten. He resigns from the hcpd leaving Puck without a partner, and Rita follows after him. He tells her it won't be safe and he tries to urge her to go back to Puck to the hcpd but she insists that "ain't no one seen the potential in her like he has. And ain't no one taken Rita as seriously as him. And ain't no way she letting him do this dangerous stuff alone, he needs someone for back up and she's just the right Rita for the job."

Juno begins monster hunting. Benzaiten is endlessly worried for Juno but Rita always covers and soothes those fears "he's okay. I'm his back up and so far we've done great together"

Juno as a cop used regular bullets. Juno as Monster Hunter uses special silver bullets bc silver is known to burn and kill most monsters. He's armed with a pistol always but also owns a shotgun and sniper he breaks out for special jobs. He doesn't love his job, but it does indeed pay better than being a cop. He's content with his life and rather reckless.

Rita does not know of the horrors Juno faces in the field. If she did she'd be clutching her pearls and asking him what happened next. She knows its dangerous work but she doesn't have the blood on her hands. The HMHA raised a brow at Juno for bringing her on board, but they didn't question it any further when that was Juno's only condition he wanted to be met

Monster Hunting culture works so that hunters can take up job offers that are posted through their affiliated association, alternatively they can be hired by a third party. Going on "Hunts" is a group effort and usually involves senior hunters from an association capturing a monster, caging it, riling it up (prodding it with weapons, taunting it, starving it, etc) and releasing it to be chased after for sport. Greenhorn hunters frequently get injured or die during their first Hunt. All hunters participating have the opportunity to capture the monster or kill it. Either way they're celebrated. If a greenhorn hunter is the one to successfully kill or capture the monster, they are honored with a feast and recognized by either graduating from the Academy (this is what happened to Sasha), completion of their apprenticeship, or offered a position as part of the association (this is what happened to Juno. He was first approached to join, participated in Hyperion's Hunt, and was the one to kill the Hunt's monster (a gnarled dryad that was more forest than nymph))

Miasma is an eldritch abomination. A non newtonian fluid that solidifies liquid tentacles into sharp points that pierce Juno's skin and poke out his eye. The only way to stop her was to blow her up and contain her in a jar. Juno lost his eye and couldn't walk for months but Ben took care of him and Rita helped out. As soon as he could though he was back on his feet taking on job posting

Ramses O'Flaherty approaches him with an offer of a new eye and job. Juno accepts both (the eye is an organic eye enchanted by monster's magic. Juno is indifferent to having it, but other Hunters look down on him for it. They call him a crooked hunter, a dirty one at that behind his back) the requires Juno to act as a bodyguard. O'Flaherty is running for mayor and worried about being assassinated by monsters for his policies (he believes in a free Hyperion, rid of all the monsters, rid of even its Monster Hunters. Juno questions why hire him then and O'Flaherty asks why work for him if he wants to take away Juno's job. They're at odds sure, but Juno wants to be paid and O'Flaherty wants the peace of mind). Each task Juno is assigned by O'Flaherty, someone dies. Their eyes are scratched out, the tongues clipped, faces torn clean off. Juno thinks it's the Piranha and shoots them dead. Juno uncovers the truth and finds out it was O'Flaherty. O'Flaherty is a monster. He hired Juno to protect him from monster attacks, to keep his hands clean. Jack Takano is the first changeling Juno comes face to face with and never knew it until it was too late. He died starving but Juno buries a silver bullet in him for good measure. There's no reward or pleasure in it. He gets rid of the enchanted eye (gouges it out himself and nearly dies a second time losing an eye) and looks for different work. OldTown falls. A new hunting association moves in, NewTown Monster Hunter Association (NTMHA) and they're backed by Dark Matters. HMHA is not.

Shortly after theres a job posting for an upcoming art gala security. Some of the art on display and for purchase is art by humans. Other pieces are ancient "artifacts" belonging to monsters (humans don't know what they're actually for) Ben insists that he not take the job offer considering how his last venture as bodyguard turned out but alas. Juno doesn't know what's actually good for him or when to quit. He takes the job.

Juno arrives at the gala hours early to monitor set up. There's going to be a lot of elite socialite in attendance. There's a lot of hunters also on security like Juno. The gala starts and Juno is watching the front door. Benzaiten Steel enters the gala in a beautifully tailored suit hanging off the arm of a hot date. Junos stomach drops out from underneath him but ofc tonight should be safe. There's so many hunters in attendance. They'll be safe...

And there is so so so much more but yea know this is already a lot so I'll tuck the rest away for later ^-^

[therealvinelle]

That ask about outlandish asks got me thinking. What if Bella DID meet a really big shark?

Oh my god. You know how sometimes something just sets you off, and it becomes the funniest thing in the world so that you start laughing every time you think about it, to the point where you just have to think “shark” and then off you go again?

That’s me with this ask.

I’m sorry, anon, but I’m dying laughing about this.

Shark.

Pfffffffft.

Alright, so where would Bella meet a shark?

Knowing Bella as we do, she’s not going anywhere near the water unless it’s very warm and pleasant, and that means she won’t be encountering this shark in La Push.

She meets the shark in Jacksonville, when she’s visiting Renée with Edward.

Now, if Bella was anybody else, this would go perfectly well. She’d look at the shark, say “that’s a really big shark,” and that would be it.

Alas, she is Bella Swan.

Bella Swan goes to school, a truck tries to crush her to death. She walks into Biology class, a bloothirsty vampire becomes obsessed with her. She goes shopping with her friends, is nearly gang raped. She goes to a baseball match with her boyfriend’s family, a serial killer crashes the party and decides to hunt her. She gets a papercut, nearly gets eaten. She goes on a hike to look at a pretty meadow, a vampire happens upon her and almost eats her.

Leave her to her own devices, and she’ll jump off a cliff.

This is a girl who in any given situation will have the worst luck possible. Her number is up, and the universe wants her to die.

So, Bella is out bathing with Renée while Edward is squirreled away from the sun inside the house, and she meets this shark. It attacks her.

Edward is inside the house and only alerted to the situation when he hears screaming and sees this nightmareish scene of Bella being mauled by this really big shark through Renée’s eyes. He runs outside and gets the shark off of Bella, but it’s too late, she’s severely injured and bleeding out fast.

With no other recourse, he bites her in his panic to save her.

Renée is hysterical already from watching her daughter get mauled by a giant shark, but the sight of Edward gleaming in the sun like he’s on fire and bite Bella is the most awful, terrifying scene she’s ever seen. As this demon goes into a frenzy and covers her daughter in bite marks, she launches himself at him to try and pry him off, get her daughter away from his monster.

Edward, in his frenzy, bites her.

Now, it’s strongly implied in canon that vampires’ control depends on their ability to stay focused, to keep a cool head. Jasper loses control when Bella bleeds unexpectedly from a papercut, not when she’s bleeding out in the back of his car. Bella stops herself from eating a hiker by realizing what she’s about to do, and Edward finds himself able to resist blood when he’s distracted by Bella.

The love of Edward life is dying in his arms, from having been just fine moments ago, and her delicious blood is everywhere in the water around them.

More, he was able to resist draining Bella because- well, she was Bella.

And Renée is only Renée.

The strong emotions and shock of the whole situation leads to the unthinkable happening, and when Edward comes to again he has drained Renée Dwyer.

He doesn’t pay her any mind as her body crumples into the water, because in his distraction he forgot to keep Bella’s head above the surface.

He tries to bring her back, of course, but between having bled out and her lungs being filled with water, there is no resurrecting Bella Swan.

(There is a non-insignificant probability that Edward then eats the shark. Of course, he might not find it but if he does he’s definitely eating it.)

Later that day, Carlisle gets a phone call from Edward, telling him what happened. Edward in his overzealousness to keep Bella safe from Victoria led her to her watery, sharky death, now she’s gone, nothing makes sense anymore.

Carlisle asks about Renée.

Edward, unable to bear losing Carlisle’s high regard on top of everything else, pauses in the phone just long enough for Carlisle’s brow to furrow, and then says the shark ate Renée.

Edward then tells Carlisle goodbye, goodbye forever, give his love to the others, Edward will be with Bella soon. He hangs up before Carlisle can scream anything into the phone.

Edward now has a conundrum.

How, exactly, is he going to kill himself?

The Volturi turned out to be corrupt scum. They wanted Edward to turn his beautiful Bella, the bastards. No, Edward will not go anywhere near their den of villainy.

Victoria is a much better option. Dying by her hands would make for poetic irony, or tragedy, or however Edward would frame it to himself. The important thing being that it would be a worthy death for Edward Cullen.

It’s just too bad he can’t find her. At this point in Eclipse no one knows about the newborn army, and as Bella was the one who figured out Victoria was behind it Edward’s out of luck.

So, no Victoria, then.

He decides to go to La Push. He’ll go to Jake and ask for death, and die tragically. Great plan. As a bonus, Alice won’t see what he’s planning so she won’t be able to stop him.

Sadly, Jacob blames him for this mess, and refuses to mercy kill him because Edward should live with this misery, damnit!

Edward asks Sam for death, but is foiled once again because Sam doesn’t want to break the treaty.

With no small amount of rage and frustration, Edward realizes that he has to go back to Volterra.

In Volterra, Aro stiffens the moment he sees Edward approaching before forcing himself to relax. There’s no way Carlisle’s son wants to die again, right?

Right?

Wrong, he wants to die again.

Wise from experience, Aro doesn’t just let Edward go when he refuses his request. Edward would only go and break the law in some ostentatious way. Best to keep the boy someplace he can’t walk into any sunny piazzas.

And that’s how Edward winds up in three separate boxes, and Carlisle has to come pick him up, apologizing profusely to Aro along the way.

Foiled AGAIN, Edward is at this point at the point of desperation. How could it be so easy for Bella to die, and so hard for him to follow? What kind of a romantic tragedy is this?!

In the end, he settles in the wilderness, where he will find a way to die or starve trying. So Carlisle failed in 1663, well, Edward will try harder! No deer herd can stop him!

Edward outlives everybody.

[egg-emperor]

I wholeheartedly believe this blog is run by the human counterpart of Starline

And I'm not displeased

Oh no my cover is blown! XD

It really did feel like he was designed to be my anthro counterpart at first. Wanting Eggman to get to be his real self again instead of Tinker, loving his intelligence and evil, admiring his impressive skills and accomplishments, finding him an inspiration, wanting to be his loyal enthusiastic assistant, being gay as fuck for him... They're all things that we had in common. We could relate in so many ways right down to the gushing over his glorious displays of evil, it was amazing and I felt so seen lol

But sadly we ended up like opposites in the end as I'd never put him down, want to betray or replace him, or expect him to share the world with me as co emperor because he deserves it all! So now you could say I'm like a human counterpart that's also an alternate universe version, where I'd remain loyal at his side with my undying devotion and admiration. 💜 I'm like the spirit of the long gone peak early Starline that lives on (and I've apparently outlived anthro Starline in general for now heheh)

I'd never ever want to betray Eggman but I will say that he's still welcome to do the things to me that he did to Starline to punish him any time, only I'd have a completely different reaction and appreciate it because I love the big strong scary man hfusbsjjgsbfjgj 😍💕💓💗💘💖

[aurora-daily]

Mother Earth’s Warrior

Interview: Aurora for The Line of Best Fit by Cheri Amour (September 28th, 2018)

Norway’s greatest pop export, AURORA speaks to Cheri Amour about her not-so-difficult second album and why it opens up a forest of thought for our future preservation.

There have long been popular culture characters in our midst hell-bent on saving the planet. Healing the world and making it a better place, for you and me and the entire human race. But there’s something different about AURORA Aksnes, better known as million-streamed Norwegian singer/songwriter, AURORA. Her latest release, Infections of A Different Kind, puts Mother Earth at its heart.

It feels fitting then to be sat in one of London’s luscious parks together, AURORA decked out in green amongst the evergreen sipping on her coconut water. She is slight but by no means shy and constantly alert, throwing out relatable anecdotes that seem to be skipping through her mind as she scans her surroundings. Her eyes are shining bright, often looking outwards rather than directly at me. Instead, she is constantly seeking out the sky, the clouds, darting at the path of a pigeon, beaming at a small child opposite us on another table. At one point, she becomes distracted by my stationary choices (“I have the same pen but in green”) and is immediately back in the bustling streets of gay Paris where she made the purchase, with her underlying care and compassion for all things, living or otherwise. “I should’ve brought mine and they’ve could’ve spoken”.

It’s been over two years since the singer sprang onto our stereos like a forest-spirit from the Bergen mountains with her debut EP, Running With Wolves. But whilst her musical mission might be led by a bold vision for a brighter future, her present still looks pretty rosy with debut full-length, All My Demons Greeting Me As A Friend racking up a massive 200 million streams globally. It’s an almost magical might for an artist who only celebrated her 22nd birthday this year. But on speaking with AURORA, her emotional intelligence is undeniable. “I know the world is not a fairy tale and we’re just doing our best…” she happily admits, an astute admission for someone so renowned for her enchanting pop gems.

For the Bergen-based artist though, her strength clearly comes from the collective power of change rather than the sole-creator. She often refers more holistically to an issue than nitpicking specifics. Indeed, it’s this rallying sense of collective change that has gifted AURORA such a solid fan base of “warriors and weirdos” from the depths of South America to the smaller towns and cities of Australia. “It’s so important to fight for the things you care about”, she continues. “They have proven they can do that. They share my message. They stand up for me. If one person disagrees with what I do, they go to war”.

It reminds me of another story of a similarly impassioned figure wanting to make collective change in their world. Often admired as the crowning work of Japanese animation master Hayao Miyazaki and his Studio Ghibli, Princess Mononoke powerfully paints the struggle between the gods of a forest and the humans who consume its resources. And, it seems unbeknownst to Ghibli at the time, over 20 years on from its original release, that same spirit hasn’t been lost in Infections of A Different Kind.

Her relationship with nature is woven throughout, a sort of Hansel and Gretel style breadcrumb trail through her mind’s eye of the world around us. Much like Ghibli’s tale which finds the main protagonist locked in a struggle for the future of the unspoiled forest and an elaborate moral universe, the sophomore record is rooted in Mother Earth. “We are killing incredible beauty without even knowing that we’ve already killed so much”, she reflects, her fingers playing with a small burgundy, woven scarf. It looks homemade, thin and narrow, entwined around her small hands. “We’ve killed entire species of animals. We’ve killed possibilities of making medicine. We’ve killed people”, she pauses, clearly upset by the thoughts. “It makes me sad because I know the planet will live. She will outlive us all and we will die because we’re just tiny ants on her big skin”.

But despite her worry, life and death feel like a natural cycle for AURORA, as you might expect from someone so clued up on the climate. She speaks confidently about nature’s balance, preferring the pragmatic output of an organism rather than anything overly fussy which could also be true of the sounds she makes. “I don’t really like flowers that much. They’re too pretty for their own good. People pick them and they get to die inside a vase”. If she were a flower, AURORA would be a dried white rose, perfectly encapsulated within a moment of time; pure, classic and radiating humility. Meanwhile, lavender for its medicinal properties and affection to bees gets a glowing write up. “That’s my favourite thing about Mother Earth actually”, she explains. “All the knowledge and all that she provides us; the fruit, the medicine. That’s why we need the rainforest but we tear it down”.

Only recently have we seen the devastating effects of illegal logging in the Papua New Guinea forests which provide a home for many of its unique species. Most timbers from New Guinea and its offshore islands are processed in China before being sold around the world, largely for use in furniture and flooring. Likewise, in the Amazon around 17% of the forest has been lost in the last 50 years, mostly due to forest conversion for cattle ranching. Sadly it’s the global brand giants causing most of the destruction with Greenpeace releasing a recent report that identified major palm olive producers such as Unilever, Nestlé, Colgate-Palmolive, and Mondelez, have destroyed an area of rainforest almost twice the size of Singapore in less than three years. The problem is, much like the Native American saying, what will happen after the last tree has fallen and the rivers have been poisoned?

Live favourite, "The Seed" encapsulates this idea. Her vocal is moving, selflessly offering herself up to restore what humanity has destroyed: “Suffocate me / So my tears can be rain / I will water the ground where I stand / So the flowers can grow back again”. "The Seed" acts like the nucleus of change for AURORA. It’s the birth of something. It’s thought or an act or a movement. “It’s the beginning of everything”, she explains, enthused. “The way the seed lies underground with no sun, nothing, darkness but it knows where to go and then it breaks through the stone, the mountain, asphalt, and earth. All these things they came from down there”, she insists, pointing at a nearby flower bed at which point her gaze is caught by a fluttering pigeon on the roof. After a few seconds, she apologises: “The pigeons are so distracting”.

Conversation turns to her own beginnings, painting a picture of her home back in Norway which sounds like something straight out of a Lord of The Rings novel. A fjord carved out by glaciers in the ice ages with a little island in the middle of it that she would often take a small kayak out to and sleep overnight on in the summer when the sun rarely sets. “On one of them lives quite an angry goat so don’t go there. He’s like a proper…”, she gesticulates the animal’s horns with her hands by her ears. “He’s intense. All the other ones are fine”, she laughs. The open water feels like it is a bit of a theme to her early years, spending much of her childhood on sailboats of some varieties, not surprising for a country that has the kind of tight relationship with water that Brits have with tea. Whether it's coastline, fjord, lake or river, water is everywhere in Norway and Norwegians make the most of it. Her father sailed the seas for four years in a row before she was born, she tells me proudly.

The other towering backdrop to her youth were those sturdy mountains and an ambitious walking regime. The latter almost certainly a contributing factor to her ingenuity and appreciation of the rambling flora and fauna so prevalent in her songwriting today. “We’d go for mountain hikes at least four times a week”, she states, matter of factly. “You bring some chocolate with bread and cheese to eat at the top. It’s kind of what you do together with your Mum’s friend and her kid, you know?” Perhaps not the same as growing up in the flatlands of Norfolk, I admit. “Well, it’s very normal in Norway, especially Bergen because you have the mountains everywhere”, she continues. There’s a mountain in every city at least. In every village. And in my village, we only have eight neighbours, there’s only us living there. And I look at the water and I have the forest behind me. She openly sighs and takes a moment, transporting herself back to the shimmering open waters, stood with lungs full of the fresh mountain air.

Surrounded by such a magical setting, it’s not surprising that AURORA tries to create a kingdom of her own for listeners. The first hint at the new record, former single “Queendom” is dedicated to “everything that’s alive”. Insistent that “Queendom” should be a place “with only love”, the song is also a celebration of our differences with an open innocence that tries to find the best in all of us. Again, Ghibli’s own ethical ethos rings true here, with Princess Mononoke heralded as for its ability to make heroes of outsiders and blurring the stereotypes that usually define such characters. It’s the same for AURORA. She is an artist breaking down huge barriers around inclusivity which shine through “Queendom”’s electro-pulse and call-to-arms. “It’s very much about giving hope, like being given the tools to become a warrior, a fighter to deal with the now. Not an escape but a way to really stay in the present, and make a change”.

Directed by Paris-based, Polish-Australian Director King Burza, the single’s video finds Aurora bathed in natural light exploring the cavernous surrounds of an old country home, the dappled light falling on her through the beaten window frames. She leaps through the high-ceiling hallways in flowing white cotton, much like the lyrics suggest, as our lamb. The pulsing chorus beat kicks in with a procession of women dancers weaving behind her arms like the Shiva herself, the fierce warrior Goddess. With Scandinavia often heralded for its gender parity, it’s not surprising that a huge part of “Queendom”’s rallying cry is being channeled into some sort of feminist anthem but as AURORA herself says: “it’s much more than that. I want it to be a song for people in need”.

“I began writing for Infections of A Different Kind the day after my first album was released...it’s good when it’s fresh when you’re still like a predator. You can still smell the blood from the prey."

With its timely post-#metoo-era release, it’s not surprising that there’s a strong focus on the strength of women in here though as well as flipping assumed gender norms and empowering an army, as she sings: “The women will be my soldiers / With the weight of life on their shoulders”. It’s an element of Nordic folklore that really spoke to her warrior instincts. “I like that it was often the women that hunted. When the men went out on a journey to kill and steal, the women stayed and were the boss which is kind of cool”. Similarly, she sees herself played back to her in scrappy forest-dwelling nymphs, the Huldra. “They had messy hair like I had when I was a child”, she jokes.

Propelled by our comparisons, talk turns into a bit of an education in Norwegian children’s tales as she boasts that many of them centre around a troll. Whether that’s a troll turning to stone in the sun before it eats the children or the story of a young boy from the village who challenges the troll to a porridge-eating contest. Tactfully tying his knapsack to his belly, the boy scoops more porridge into the bag than he eats himself and then, once full, slashes it open encouraging the troll to do the same so they can power through the porridge. Fooled by the boy, the troll cuts his stomach and dies leaving all of the gold and silver in the cave for the boy to take home to pay off his family debts. “Then you have the troll mother who has put her eleven troll children to bed. That’s the first song I sang when I was two years old in my Mum’s blue kitchen”, she recalls. A newborn with pink cheeks begins to whimper to its Mum on the table next to us now which lures the singer’s attention away for a fleeting moment, her mouth fixed in a wide-open smile. “Sorry, babies and pigeons. Very distracting”, she reasons.

After the brief introduction to Norwegian folklore, it feels apt to ask around the production of the new record which took place in a fairytale studio-cum-chateau somewhere in the South of France. Positioned in a vineyard surrounded by animals and a pond, the castle sounds like the right kind of pastoral setting for such a life-affirming record. AURORA details an almost Beauty And The Beast-like existence there, holed up in the huge house’s halls and libraries for just over a month. Chef Marie cooked a three-course meal, three times a day whilst the dog Paula and cat, Ginger amble through the corridors.

It becomes clear quite quickly that AURORA hasn’t faced the difficult second album syndrome. “I began writing for it the day after my first album was released because then the first album had been done already for four months”, she beams. “That’s why I always begin right after I release right after my previous thing. I begin on the next”. A natural hunter, she adds: “It’s good when it’s fresh when you’re still like a predator. You can still smell the blood from the prey. And you’re kind of just running after it and you know where to go, that’s how I felt”.

It was a fairly natural process then? “I found it way easier than the first because I really knew what I wanted. I’ve always known since I was an embryo what I want and now I have the tools to make it happen. I know how to produce, and how to play more instruments. I played the drums and the rhythms. The multi-instrumentalist played drums on all of the songs on Infections of A Different Kind, actually, it’s kind of a new passion for her. “I love it. It’s very energetic and you get quite tired afterward which I love. I love the feeling of exhausting myself”, she grins.

"I have my own dream language which half of the population understands...a fourth...an eleventh so I also had to learn things myself because I am the only one who can know."

Adding to her workload, AURORA took up a lot of the production duties on the record too which makes a powerful statement in a world for far too many women artists are corralled into working with male producers. She’s not afraid to tackle this in her own terms, often struggling to articulate what she wanted using the technical language, the singer offers up her own alternative parallels: “Make it sound like water or bellyache”. “I realised I don’t have the technical language. I have my own dream language which half of the population understands...a fourth...an eleventh so I also had to learn things myself because I am the only one who can know”. She’s adamant that crafting her music, much like her new love of drums, is one of her biggest pleasures. The ability to realise her imagined worlds into reality gives her a certain sense of belonging which, in the future, might remain a constant more so than the live show. “If there’s one thing I’ll do less of, you know in forty years, it’s touring. But not studio, I’ll always be there”, she adds resolutely.

But despite her preference, she knows the power of sharing her songs with her legion of fans and she confesses many of the new numbers have already made it into the live set. “I think at one point it was maybe a bit too many. I like all my songs better live just because of the energy so it’s always nice to know that the fans will get to experience that first”. And that’s exactly what AURORA has tried to do with the release schedule of the record, teasing one more single out last week ahead of today’s full-length. The stark opener of “Churchyard” finds AURORA’s sincere vocal layered over one another and doused in reverb as a solemn strings section soothes in with a morbid twang as she questions the fine balance between life and love. You can almost see the arms flailing theatrics of similarly environmental leaning, Kate Bush against the beat.

Indeed, AURORA isn’t the first artist looking to heal the world with their humanitarian ideals. Pop’s biggest ally, Cher donated more than 180,000 bottles of water to Flint, Michigan, in the middle of the city's clean-water crisis. Grammy Award-winning, Rihanna was named Harvard Humanitarian of the Year back in 2017 for her philanthropic efforts after funding the build of a state-of-the-art centre for oncology and nuclear medicine to diagnose and treat breast cancer in her home nation of Barbados. Infections of A Different Kind stands united with Mother Earth almost as a vocal shining a floodlight on the dire situation we’ve left her in.

At this point, playing with the tousled strands of her hair, AURORA is whisked off for another meeting and disappears into the trees of Holland Park, much like the Huldra into the Norwegian forest. Just from spending an hour with her, it’s clear how much the Norwegian songwriter cherishes real connections with the people she meets and is keen to create a shared space where we can all co-exist together; new technologies alongside sustainable ecosystems. Without national treasure, David Attenborough preaching about the plastics in our oceans, it’s sometimes easy for us to cut out the stark realities of climate change. But high up in those Norwegian mountains, with her ear to the wind, AURORA hears it all and is ready to lead.

Forget Princess Mononoke, AURORA is our modern day pop royalty.

Infections of A Different Kind is out now on Decca Records.

[miep-morp]

He looked into your eyes with a glare that was older than time itself and yet had still a sparkle of childish curiosity. You thought for a second before saying with a slight bit of fear and reverence: "so this curse you mentions isn't a lie? It's all real?" He closed his eyes before answering: "sadly it's real. I did live through both the death and birth of countless universe's and have seen countless civilizations rise and fall. And it all ends the same with darkness and pain" You looked at him with pity not knowing what it would feel like but yet somehow having a sence of understanding that you don't understand. He took a sip from his glass before continuing to speak: "but hey, it's not all bad. At least living such a long life has taught me many things my people didnt. For example acceptance of others and their life's that no matter how insignificant something seems at first glance it can still be wonderfull. For example did you know that in almost all the universes I was and lived through one thing I've seen over and over again and I can't get enough of is the concept of love both platonic and romantic. It's beautiful in so many ways and I still am angry at myself for denying myself the pleasure of friends. I know they will die before me and I know it will hurt but it's still so worth it the happiness and the memorys. That's why I stay optimistic despite my situation. I will outlive you but that doesn't mean that it's worthless or that I shouldn't spend time with you and on that note cheers" He smiled while drinking his drink and I couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort.

-----------------------------------------

Ok so ngl was really fun writing this and just thinking about the concept of a mortal born immortal hope y'all like the concept too

[loopyhoopywrites]

(This is a sort of continuation/same universe as my Role Reversal AU. You don’t have to read that to understand this, just know that Alec is a warlock (as are Izzy and Jace), and Magnus is a Shadowhunter).

“Do you love her?”

Magnus turns, abandoning his uncooperative bow tie as he sees Isabelle, resplendent in a shimmering golden gown as she stands in his doorway. Her arms are folded, and she glares at him as he sighs, returning his gaze to his mirror as he once more attempts to tie the perfect knot.

“My dearest Isabelle,” He says, “I didn’t expect to see you today.”

“Cut the crap Magnus.”

Izzy strides over, and Magnus finds himself preparing for a slap as she grabs him by the arms and swings him to face her. Instead, however, she simply takes the tie from his clumsy fingers, and within seconds has produced the perfect bow. She fiddles with it for a moment, making sure it’s straight, before stepping back.

“Do you love her or not?”

“I thought I did, once.” Magnus replies casually, turning away from the warlock to select his cufflinks. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Not when you love Alec.”

There’s a sudden clatter as Magnus’ cufflinks fall to the floor. What follows is a moment of silence, before Magnus slowly bends down to retrieve them.

“Alec has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with me.” Magnus says, and Izzy doesn’t need her magic to see through him.

“Oh Magnus.”

She places a hand gently on his arm, and although he tries to pull away she persists, and he finds himself being pulled into a hug. He can’t help but lean in, and when they do finally pull apart Magnus is horrified to find tear spilling from his eyes. Quickly, he wipes them away, only to curse as he realises his carefully applied make-up is now smeared across the back of his hand.

“Sit.” Izzy orders, steering Magnus towards his vanity and pushing him into the chair. Magnus reaches for a make-up wipe, only to have his hand slapped away as Izzy picks it up herself, spinning Magnus’ chair to face her as she begins to carefully dab at his ruined eyes.

“Jace and I are practically babies, you know?” Izzy begins, and although Magnus has no idea what this has to do with his wedding he remains silent as she continues. “For Warlocks anyway. Jace is barely seventy, and I only hit fifty a few years ago.”

“You have to tell me which moisturizer you use.” Magnus jokes, and he manages a smile as Izzy laughs.

“We’ve always had each other, and we kind of forced ourselves on Alec, but Alec…” There’s a pause as Izzy lowers the make-up wipe, clearly considering her words as she drops it back on the vanity and picks up Magnus’ eyeliner. “Alec’s over eight hundred years old, and Jace and I are the only family he’s ever known.”

“There must have been others,” Magnus says, eyes closed as Izzy skilfully lines his lids, “Before the two of you came along.”

"Maybe in the beginning," Izzy admits, "But when you live that long... It's hard to be around people when you know you'll outlive them. Alec's been around so long that I don't think he knows how to make friends anymore."

"He'd made friends with me." Magnus feels the need to point out, and Izzy smiles.

"I think you made friends with him." She laughs sadly, capping the eyeliner and stepping back to admire her handiwork. Magnus watches her, but he's thinking of Alec. He finds it hard to believe that anyone would spend eight hundred years alone, but then he remembers how he'd felt when he parents had passed away, and he thinks he might understand a little more.

"He's in love with you." Isabelle says softly, smashing through Magnus' thoughts like a battering ram.

"No-"

"He's in love with you." She repeats firmly, forcing Magnus to listen. "He's never loved anyone before, not like this, but now he's in love with you and he doesn't know how to deal with it. He's terrified Magnus, and if you go through with this wedding-"

She stops, but Magnus doesn't need her to continue. He thinks of Camille, of waiting at the altar as she walks down the aisle, and he feels sick.

"The Clave are already looking for any excuse to derune me." He whispers, head falling into his hands as it suddenly strikes him just how big a mistake he's about to make. "Imagine how much they'll hate me if I blow off my wedding for a Downworlder."

"I know," Izzy says, kneeling in front of Magnus as she rests a comforting hand on his knee, "But imagine how much you'll hate yourself if you don't."

[theonewiththefanfics]

I’ll Always Come Back For You (one-shot)

Requested by the lovely @cassianandorxreader (I took your idea and added some bits, cause damn, am I Cassian trash! Can’t get enough of the guy. Hope you like it :))

Summary: Reader is Cassian’s girlfriend when a simple reconnaissance mission goes awry she gets captured by the empire. Cassian is not about to give up, even if it means going against the Rebellion.

Pairing: Cassian x Reader (also involves Rogue One gang; K-2SO sadly only mentioned)

Warnings: mention of torture, blood, swearing

Genre: a bit of angst, a bit of fluff

Word count: 4549 (Cassian is ruining my life, I can’t!!!!)

The town market was complete and utter chaos. What was supposed to be a simple reconnaissance mission turned into a full-on battle. They had not realised that the planet had recently been overtaken by the Empire, so now blasters shot in every direction.    Y/N was crouched down behind an overturned tent trying to spot Cassian or any of her Rogue One teammates. Internally she groaned. “Why did everything have to go to complete bantha shit today of all days…”

    A mission on special days was nothing new in Cassian’s and Y/N’s relationship, but today had marked their two year anniversary. As they had gotten on the ship Cassian, though he had tried to be inconspicuous as to what he had planned, had told Bodhi that they needed to be dropped off on another planet where a U-Wing would be waiting for them and he’d take her to somewhere special.    “You’ll love it, mi Corazon, trust me,” he had whispered in Y/N’s ear the previous night as they had lied together in their bed.    She hummed. “And if I don’t?” The teasing tone evident in her voice. To be fair, she’d be happy just to sit in their shuttle back on Yavin4 in the hangar and just talk, if only it meant to spend time with him.    “Then I’ll take you to the edge of the galaxy or as far as you wish, only to see you smile.” Y/N looked at the man with such adoration in her eyes, she couldn’t help the tears that had slipped down her cheeks.    “Mi Vida,” Cassian’s thumbs wiped them away, “what is wrong?”    “Nothing,” Y/N huffed a laugh and placed her palm on his rugged cheek, “you’re just so cheesy I can’t help but fear that one day our kids will melt in the Sun.”    Cassian stilled completely as Y/N fully realised what she had said. They hadn’t talked about their future because they didn’t want to instil useless hope. They were at war and any second could be their last, so Cassian and Y/N had made a promise to each other to spend every moment in the present.    “You want to have kids with me?”    She couldn’t read his expression. Y/N felt like her heart would break out of her with the force it was beating. She placed a trembling hand on Cassian’s chest and focused her stare there. “I know we have no idea what will happen to us. I mean we could be struck down by lightning right this second but,” she tried to gather her words, ”I’d like to imagine a time when all of this is over and we could start a family.”    Y/N didn’t look up to him. She wouldn’t be able to bear it if Cassian didn’t feel the same. Yes, she knew he loved her, but dating was one thing and starting a whole new life and bringing some more into the world was another.    “Mi Alma, look at me.”    Tentatively Y/N glanced up and saw Cassian’s own eyes filled with tears. “There is nothing in the galaxy that I would want more than to start our family.”    The two lovers couldn’t contain the large smiles that spread across their faces. They would outlive this war, they would make the galaxy safe and they would have a family of their own.

   Y/N’s Y/E/C eyes caught the sight of Jyn beating the living daylights out of three stormtroopers and right behind her Cassian was frantically scanning the crowd. A blast that whizzed right past Y/N’s head made her crouch down a bit more, but her aim didn’t falter as the beam went through her attacker’s head and she stood up.    “Y/N!” Cassian’s voice rang over the chaos.    “Go!” she motioned with her hands, “start the ship up, I’ll meet you there!”    Three troopers advanced towards her, but she rolled out of the way right as ten shots hit the ground where her body had been.    “Go! I’m right behind you!” she screamed at them as her feet carried her towards where Jyn was. With a last glance, Cassian ran to where they had left their shuttle. K-2SO had been critically damaged in a previous mission, so they had had to leave him behind on Yavin. He didn’t know where Bodhi, Chirrut or Baze were, he’d lost sight of them once the fight had started, but he caught the three figures running towards the ship as fast as possible.    Bodhi’s leg was injured, so his limping slowed the man down, to which Cassian quickly put an arm under his shoulder. Baze looked unharmed at all, while Chirrut sported a nasty cut on his forehead.    “Get the motors running,” Cassian instructed Bodhi, who despite the scarred flesh went towards the control panels with determination.    Baze’s gruff voice sounded from behind. “Where is Jyn and Y/N?”    “They’re coming, they were right behind me.” But as Cassian’s gaze scoured the alleyway there was nothing. The fight had died down and he could see Imperial ships lifting from the ground and up into the sky. Something was wrong. He could feel it in his gut.    Cassian stepped out of the ship.    “Captain?” Bodhi spoke up.    They weren’t coming. He couldn’t hear footsteps, not even one pair of them. The town had gone dead silent and that made ice fill his veins. Cassian’s feet acted almost on their own accord as he sprinted down to where the market had been.    Bodies of troopers and civilians alike littered the ground, yet he was looking for a particular red coloured jacket Y/N had been wearing. He feared the worst, of course, he did, it’s how being in the rebellion since the age of six will make you grow up, but he knew Y/N. If she was dead, then there’d be twenty troopers lying around her, yet nothing like that was even a remote part of the scene.    “Cassian,” called out a voice from somewhere behind him. He flipped over what felt like a dozen tables and rubble pieces when he found Jyn’s bloodied up form.    “What happened? Jyn, where is Y/N?”    She groaned in pain as her palm pressed against the nasty gash right by her temple.    “They took her, Cassian.”    If he had thought that fearing his love was dead could be the worst feeling in the world, this completely proved him wrong.    “What?” he couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe.    Jyn clutched onto Cassian’s arm as she slowly pulled herself up. “We got blitz-attacked. I didn’t see them coming, but Y/N did. She pushed me out of the way of a blaster, but one of those fuckers hit me on the head. The last thing I saw was her shooting three more, but one from the back knocked her out.”    She sighed. Y/N and Jyn had become fast friends, Jyn even thought of them like sisters. “I’m so sorry Cassian, Maker, I’m so sorry…”    “Don’t,” he stopped her. “Don’t apologise.”    Jyn was utterly confused.    “If they didn’t kill her, they’ll take her to one of the bases. Without a doubt, they will try and interrogate her, but she’ll buy us time with that. And while that is happening I’ll be damned if I don’t go after her and bring her home.”

   Cassian was more than angry, he was livid. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Mon Mothma had shot him down when he told her Rogue One would be going after Y/N.    “That is an order,“ Mothma’s voice was calm, but he could hear that she was on the verge of snapping. “Y/N was an amazing strategist and an incredible pilot, but we can’t risk losing all of you just to go after one person. You are expected back on Yavin4 as there is already another mission waiting here. And Captain, Maker help me, if you disobey this order I will demote you and permanently station you on the ground.”    He gritted his teeth, but in a voice that resembled the calm before a storm hit replied. “Put me on the ground all you want, but I will bring back my girlfriend.”    “Capta-“ but Cassian had disabled their connection before Mon Mothma could finish a word.    He looked at the team, expecting them to protest and try and reason with him, but only affirmative eyes looked in his direction.    “Honestly, Cassian,” Chirrut said, “if you had gone through with her order I would have personally kicked you out into the void.”    Cassian smiled and looked at the galaxy out. “Let’s go get my girl back.”    Bodhi immediately started fiddling with the control panel. ”We have enough fuel to make two jumps, so we have to be precise in where they are taking her. I knew that somed-“ he rose on his legs to punch a few buttons above his head,”- ay this would come in hand.”    No one knew what he was talking about. “What would?”    “This,” Bodhi pressed a button and flipped a switch and in the exact second the ship was filled with the voices of who only could be the people from the Empire.    Jyn grinned from ear to ear. “You tapped their communication systems.”    A shy smile graced the man’s face. “Didn’t work the first few times I tried this. To be honest, I almost connected it in a way they could’ve heard what was going on with us, but Y/N,” there was a slight pause as he looked up at Cassian, “let’s just say that without her, the Rebellion would be six steps behind.”    Cassian’s heart clenched. There was nothing in the entire universe that meant to him more than Y/N. He knew her piloting skills were beyond what anyone else had ever seen, but her heart, her compassion, that was her biggest strength. Everyone on Yavin4 adored the girl and Cassian knew that if he had followed through with what Mon Mothma had told Rogue One to do, there was a 90% chance that the rebels would start a rebellion in the Rebellion.    Y/N could always bring a smile on the faces of even the most serious people. She always lent a hand if necessary and her thought process and strategising had helped them beat the Empire in more than one battle. Hell, even K-2SO told Cassian that he would follow the girl to the depths of any battle. Without any nudging from Cassian himself.    So when he heard that they had a prisoner and she’d be moved to a base on Dantooine Bodhi had already punched in the coordinates and got them into light speed.    The calculations told them that it would take around fifteen hours, even in hyperspace to reach the outpost. Cassian wanted to pull his hair out. Two, three, maybe up to six hours of waiting he could manage, but fifteen?    Jyn’s hand rested on the taught man’s shoulder. “She’s tough,” the woman tried to console him, “she’ll get through it and will probably help herself out. I mean, look at what she did with Bodhi, Y/N’s helping herself without even being here.”    Cassian couldn’t help the faint smile that pulled at his lips. “Yeah, she always has a way of getting to the goal. I just hope she pulls through for us.”    “She will, and you know that better than anybody, besides she’s way too stubborn to give up. She’ll just take it as another challenge, like the time she literally willed the flu away, just because she had made plans with you.”    Jyn stepped past Cassian towards the back of the ship. “And now, I think it’s time to find our beautiful uniforms and gear up.”    The woman’s steps faded into the background as Cassian’s eyes were trained on the millions of stars and planets whizzing by. “We’re coming for you love, and nothing will stop us.”

   Y/N’s head lolled forwards, eyes closed and breathing getting more ragged by the second. They had started out with punching and kicking. When that hadn’t worked the sharpest tools she’d ever seen were brought into the room. She’d barely contained the screams as they pulled the blades across her skin, sometimes even pushing them in her stomach or legs or arms to the hilt, but they did it with precision. They knew where to cut and stab, so it hurt the most, yet didn’t even graze an artery or a vital organ.    And compared to what she was feeling right now, she’d take a stabbing any day of the week. When Y/N hadn’t relented they’d turned to poisons. She’d lost count of the syringes that had punctured her skin, but it made her feel like she was on fire. Like thousands and thousands of Dantari fire ants were crawling underneath her skin.    She was flushed red and sweat was dripping down her body, but the worst parts were the hallucinations. She’d seen Cassian die so many times now, she didn’t know what was more painful- to see him die the first time and experience how it would be, the fact that she couldn’t do anything about it or that every time it happened he looked at her with disgust in his eyes as he said “this is all your fault. You could have saved me if you weren’t so weak.”    Her heart was beating so fast she knew any second it could give out. They had administered yet another dose of one of the poisons, and this time it wasn’t just Cassian it was everyone else too. Baze, Chirrut, Jyn even K-2 was there and she saw them all on their knees, hatred filled eyes looking at her as the troopers aimed their guns and shot.    Tears were constantly streaming down her face as a soundless scream came from her throat. Y/N had lost her voice in what felt like the first ten minutes of the poison’s work time. Or had she screamed for hours before it gave out? Maybe it was days, but she couldn’t tell.    Time had blurred together as she saw her friends die non stop in a vicious cycle. Blaster to the head, knife right across their throats, Force choked by Vader and on and on it went and on and on she screamed and cried.    Her Y/E/C eyes lifted to see the doors slide open and once again Cassian entered the room, only this time he was wearing an Imperial officer uniform. Her heart clenched at the thought that a new cycle of her having to watch her friends defect to the Empire and blame her for the death of the Rebellion would start.    She closed her eyes and let the tears flow freely down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m so so so sorry. Please, you don’t have to do this,” but even as her voice rasped out the plea Y/N knew that would not happen and the next time Cassian would be joined by another friend of theirs.    Leather-gloved hands cupped both of her cheeks making her look up at the man. He felt so tangible to her, so real. Maker, was the drug more powerful than the previous one. She could even feel Cassian’s breath fanning over her face when he called her “Princesa”.    “Please, Cassian, don’t do this, please, I’m so sorry.”    “Shh,” he shushed her, “it’s all right, we’ll get you out of here. Jyn, help me with the restraints.”    A figure in a black Imperial ground crew uniform stepped up. Both of them. Both of them already had turned to the dark side and that made Y/N cry even more. She was going to plea for them again when Cassian’s thumbs wiped away the salty tears.    “Please, love, stay with me. We’ll get you out of here, just hold on a bit longer.”    Y/N brain felt fuzzy. None of the previous hallucinations had said anything like that. She couldn’t understand what was going on until she made the connection. They were here to save her and when they’d be right at the edge of freedom the poison would deliver another blow of making her see her friends die while trying to save her.    One thing was having them just captured. It happened every day to a lot of people. It was war, but being the direct cause of their deaths, being the reason they would die for, all because she had gotten herself taken made Y/N snap completely.    “I’ll tell you anything you want, just please make it stop. Please kill me and make it stop.” She knew she wouldn’t be able to live through that because it would be such a Cassian thing to do. To have all of them come and save her.    “Love, love, please calm down,” Cassian’s grip tightened on her cheeks, his own eyes were starting to tear up, “Amor, please stop. It’s me okay? It’s me, Cassian. And Jyn. Well get you out of here, I promise.”    Y/N shook her head vigorously. “No, you have to leave, you have to go and sa-“    “Not without you.”    “Please just go,” she hung her head down, or tried to, but Cassian’s hands stayed on her cheeks, “I can’t take watching you die one more time, I can’t.”    “Well, it’s a good thing we’re not planning on dying, at least not today.”    The metal restrains unclasped from her hands and feet and her neck. Y/N’s body fell right to the floor only to be caught by Cassian. “Come on love,” he whispered in her ear, “we’re almost there.”    He brought them out into an empty hallway. That was Y/N’s first sign, that it was not real. They wouldn’t leave her completely unguarded. As they rounded corner by corner there were no troopers marching, no one was patrolling and she knew what awaited her, so Y/N just gave in. She gave up in trying to snap out of the horrible fantasy because it would happen again and again.    And then their ship came into view. This was where they were going to be stopped and Cassian and Jyn would be brought down to their knees and executed right there. But as her feet touched the railing of the shuttle no one stopped them. Cassian escorted her onto the metal bench while Jyn pressed the button to close the doors.    Y/N glanced to her right and saw Bodhi firing up the engines and lift them off the ground. She turned her gaze to the window as she saw the planet of Dantooine grow smaller and smaller until everything blurred from jumping into hyper speed. She felt a rough pair of hands start tending to her many cuts and wounds and as her Y/E/C orbs looked to her left the tender smile of Baze was looking right back at her.    Cassian had crouched down and took her chin between his fingers. “Love?”    His eyes, they were full of concern and love and adoration and relief to have her here with him as he looked at the woman he loved.    “Is this real?” Y/N whispered, not fully wanting to believe the scene unfolding in front of her. “Are you real?”    “Yes, Mi Vida. I’m real.”    “But you can’t be real,” she shook her head in disagreement, “you were on Terril, you ran to the ship, but Jyn and I we were attacked…”    “And there is nothing in this galaxy that would stop me from coming back for you.”    His eyes were full of sincerity and truth. “Besides, if I hadn’t made the decision I did, there would’ve been a mutiny on this ship.” Cassian’s eyes flitted to Chirrut and he nudged his chin in the other man’s direction. “He himself volunteered to throw me out into space if we didn’t.”    “That I did.”    And Y/N finally let herself believe they were here. They had come back for her and they were alive and on their way back home. A laugh escaped her lips before she tried to clasp her hands over her mouth in order to keep the rest of the tears at bay, that were now threatening to fall, before hissing in pain.    Cassian’s own face mirrored her happiness, but concern overcame his features as he took in the state of his girlfriend. Bruises, cuts and blood covered pretty much every centimetre of her body. They had left her face unscathed for whatever reason, but she still sported a busted lip and eyebrow.    “You probably have a few broken and bruised ribs, as well as the possibility of a broken wrist,” Baze, who both of the rebels had completely forgotten about, spoke up as he looked at the swollen part of the woman’s arm, “and way too many cuts and wounds that need tending and stitching. If you’ll allow me, I’ll clean what I can, but everything else is better off left for the medics once we land.”    Y/N only nodded as Baze set back to work and disinfected and closed some of the cuts. Once he deemed that everything else was not that bad or above his skill set, his large body stood back up and with a last small smile, he went to see Bodhi and their coordinates.    Cassian immediately took up the place next to Y/N. He expected her to start apologising and he was ready to argue straight back at her, but Cassian did not expect what actually came out of Y/N’s mouth.    “You are going to be in so much trouble.”    He was baffled. “What?”    “You,” she pointed her chin at him then turned to where Bodhi and Jyn were sitting in the piloting seats, Baze looming over like a mountain, “and you,” letting her eyes graze their faces before moving to nudge her head towards Chirrut, “and you are all going to be in so much trouble.”    “I-I’m sorry, love, I don’t understand.”    “Oh don’t play dumb, Cassian,” Y/N retorted but there was nothing mean or malicious in what she said, “you went against Mon Mothma’s orders. She would have never let you come after me. One person lost is nothing against a whole team.”    There was nothing sad about how Y/N said it, she was simply stating the facts.    “Well,” Cassian scooted closer to the girl, gently placing her injured arm on his lap, “as I said. On this ship, you are more important than anything else, and we are a team, which means no one is going to be left behind if there is even the slightest possibility of saving them.” He rested his head against hers. “And I am never going to let you slip through my fingers.” Cassian gently turned her left hand so that Y/N’s palm was facing up. With shaking fingers he pressed a simple silver ring that started as one band but then split in two crisscrossing each other, and right where they looped over a single diamond sat. “If only you’ll let me…”    Y/N lifted her other hand and rested it against his unshaven cheek, making him glance at her. “Only if you let me make you smile each day for the rest of our lives.”    Cassian didn’t think he had ever been as happy, not even when he realised she also wanted to have a future with him. He gently pushed the band onto her left ring finger where it fit perfectly. He knew they were at war. He knew that there was a large possibility that there could come a time like this again, but he also knew that no matter what they had each other.    The couple didn’t see their friends smile from ear to ear as Jyn turned to Bodhi and already started to plan the wedding while Baze and Chirrut whispered to one another like two schoolgirls, giddy with happiness. They didn’t see them jump out of hyperspace and land on Yavin4 and they didn’t care as Mon Mothma herself stepped onto the ship.    Y/N and Cassian had one another to hold onto no matter what the galaxy would throw at them and as the medics made Y/N lie down on a gurney to be wheeled to the hospital ward, she knew that no matter what, Cassian would always save her, the same way Cassian knew Y/N would forever be there to get him out of trouble.    “I should station you and your team on the ground and never let you fly a ship ever again, Captain,” Mothma’s voice was what made him look away from his fiancée as they wheeled her to the hospital, “but I won’t.”    Her lips were pulled in a faint smile and there was no anger evident in her features, just love and approval. “Unless,” Cassian tensed, “you don’t invite me to the wedding.”    He laughed and then nodded his head. “Of course.”    “Go,” she motioned to where they had taken Y/N. “Your fiancée will want to have something nice to wake up to.” And he had never followed an order as fast as he did right then.    As he ventured into the medical wing he asked one of the nurses how long would the operation last, but to his luck, she assured him that Y/N was in no need of a surgery, she would just have to stay here and be monitored for a few days.    Directing him to the girl’s room he felt elated. When his eyes found her lying form, she was stitched up, bandages pretty much covering her whole body, but there was that gleam, that same brilliant smile stretched out on her face as the Rogue One team sat around her and they all talked.    Cassian entered the room and he swore the way she looked at him would make him pass out from the love exuding in the room. She patted the place beside her, motioning for Cassian to come and when he stood beside her, gently he leaned down pressing their lips together.    There was nothing that would ever be able to rip them apart and Cassian had never been surer of a decision he had made as his brown eyes caught a glimpse of the diamond that sat on her finger glint in the light.   

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

so apparently my brain doesn’t comprehend the word “short” but to be fair, I had so much fun writing this I am so not ashamed of it :D I have a Kylo and a Poe fic in the works, but in the meantime you can keep sending in requests if you please so, I’ll just add them to the list. Also, I should be adding a new part to the series soon enough :)

P.S. If you wish to be tagged in future works send me a message

P.S.S. please do not repost without asking :)

[violet-fire-cat]

Okay! You wanted to see more of my lumian ocs? Well most of you probably didn't but @cyanidas seemed too and I've never really drawn this lot properly so it made a good excuse. But yeah, here's Xeph's family! His three siblings, and his parents. Xeph's the oldest, he's just short x) Well, for a lumian he is, the others are all over six foot, or close too it, whilst Xeph's only about 5ft7. He's smol in comparison. Plus I messed up his anatomy a little so he looks shorter than he probably should but oh well!

I don't really have names for his parents over on the far left, but his siblings do have names! To the left of Xeph, is Ryul, and then on the right is Luzana and Enylnn, the twins. Below the read more is, well, some info about this lot, and some more of my lumian headcanons, Cy said that I should just write as much as I want, and that's something I can do, so, yeah, massive info-dump below the cut, enjoy I guess if you're willing to read it x)

I have five more lumians that I'm going to draw too? Well, four and a half. So watch out for those as well! :D

Okay so, where to start? x) Well, i think a good thing to start with is that my lumian's home planet is called Lumi. A very technologically advanced and vibrant planet, the majority of the life there glows just like the lumians themselves do! It's quite a dark planet, fairly distant from it's stars (yes, stars, it's in binary star system), but it's climate is still rather temperate in most places, and filled with lush forests where there aren't cities and towns. Rainstorms are common for much of the planet, snow is very rare, except in the coldest regions, which aren’t really inhabited. They have ways of regulating the weather in big city areas though. Keeping rain and other bad weather out and maintaining a steady temperature. This made adjusting to Minecraftian weather rather tricky for Xeph and Will. 

One year on Lumi is roughly the same as about 3 or so years on Minecraftia/Earth. Lumi’s orbit isn’t much bigger than Minecraftia’s but it moves slower, which results in it taking longer to make it’s way around the stars. Lumian’s live for a very long time, their lifespan is easily double if not triple that of the average humans. Which, does, sadly, mean that Xeph and Will outlive the majority of their friends on Minecraftia. 

Despite how long they live though, lumian’s are quite fragile compared to humans. Without the advanced medical tech of their home planet, an injury that would take a few days to heal on a human, could take a week or more for Xeph or Will, which annoys them, but if nothing else it prompts them to be more careful. Healing magic has limited success when used on them, only the most powerful of spells with have a great effect. And healing and regeneration potions make them sick, so they can’t drink them without promptly throwing it back up again.

The next important thing is probably that my lumians are a single-sexed, genderless/androgynous race. Meaning that they don't have male and female like humans do, so I will be referring to all my lumian ocs with they/them pronouns, since they've had no exposure to human ideas of gender. And masculine and feminine terms and pronouns don't even really exist in the Lumian language! Xeph and Will choose to ID as male and use he/him pronouns once they're living on Minecraftia, as that's what they prefer when it comes to the human language and how they view gender and such, though generally they're not too fussed by it.

Okay, what stuff applies to the Brindley's here. Hm. What about some societal stuff? That's pretty important with Xeph's family actually.

In the big Central Hub cities where Xeph (and Will) grew up, social standing is very much tied to the colour of your eyes and blood. Lumian eye colours are incredibly varied, they can be pretty much any colour! A lumian’s blood colour matches that of their eyes, though is usually a few shades darker. When healthy, a lumian’s blood will glow slightly too.

The colours are usually split into three groups though, which in those big cities are often used to describe a person, and are very much linked to social status; Primary Blood (red, blue, yellow), Secondary Blood (orange, green, purple, pink), and Other/Muddy Blood (browns, greys, particularly dark shades of any colour really).

Unfortunately, Lumi isn't the futuristic paradise Xeph's friends seem to want to think it is, at least, not where Xeph and Will grew up. It's not uncommon for an individual to be treated differently by their peers purely because of the colour of their eyes. This came about after a relatively recent event, that is now just outside of living memory. But it has been around long enough, and has become so ingrained into these city-dwellers lives, that there's a distinct pattern amongst the groups in the cities, and it's unlikely to go away any time soon.

Primaries are often wealthier, but have a bad reputation amongst other groups for mistreating them and using them. Secondaries are mostly middle-class, darker colours are often warier of them, though perhaps not as much as Primaries, many Secondaries are treated roughly by Primaries, some are mistreated if their colour is too close to a Primary, but still noticeably Secondary. Lumian's with brown or similar coloured eyes, are often treated quite badly by higher groups, especially Primaries, lower-class lumians in cities. They generally live in smaller towns, where they're often much better off, as the majority of the discrimination takes place in these bigger city areas. Especially the Central Hub cities (which is made up of the biggest cities on Lumi, including the main Capital). Away from these cities, you'll find considerably less, if any, of this blood colour discrimination, and lumians, regardless of blood colour, can generally work together without any hassle.

Unlike humans, lumian’s really do not care about what colour someones skin is. The only part of someone’s appearance that is deemed even remotely important by most, is the colour of their eyes.

Xeph, from a young age, realised that treating other lumians different because of the colour of their eyes was stupid! And despite his parents efforts, stuck with that ideal. Whilst living on Lumi, he did his best to be nice to people that most others of his blood colour would mistreat. He's perfectly aware that he has Primary Privilege though, that he can get away with things purely because he's blue. And that people will treat him differently, for better or worse, because he's blue. And he hates it. But there's not much he can do about it, as much as he wishes he could.

Will knew from a young age that he wanted to run a business! But his family was worried about that right from the start. It's very much an industry run by Primary blooded lumians, especially in these big cities. And they didn't want the baby of their family to get bullied by cruel Primaries! Will was determined though, and never let anything stop him from doing what he wanted to do. Early on, he did have to deal with a lot of lumians looking down at him or not taking him seriously, purely because he was a young green. But he built up his reputation, and is now fairly well-respected on Lumi.

A little about Xeph's family?

Xeph comes from a rather wealthy, Primary upper-class family. His parents are a very strict pair, and they're both very typical Primaries in that they have no interest in, and will gladly mistreat, lumians of other 'lower' colours, purely because of the colour of their eyes. They always wanted their eldest to find a nice blue lumian and settle down with them, so they were unsurprisingly unhappy when Xeph settled with a green he met at university.

Xephos is, well you all know who he is. He's the oldest of the Brindley kids, protective big brother. He gets along pretty well with all three siblings, but doesn't get along with his parents, and never really has done. He doesn't hate them, but he does dislike their attitude towards the world and how other lumian's should be treated. Xeph studied chemistry and technology at university, where he met Will, before joining the Lumian Military as an engineer a little while after his graduation. He loved the job, getting to travel through the stars was a dream come true for him, and he was doing very well. Until his ship crashed, and his life on Minecraftia begun.

Ryul (Rye-ul), or just Ry for short, is about two years younger than Xeph. They're a bit of a joker, playful and energetic, but do sometimes miss when they should calm down and be more serious. They've always been rather close to Xeph, and there only being a couple of years between them probably helped with that. They’re very tall and skinny, even for a lumian they’re tall, especially for a digitigrade lumian, who are usually shorter. They like to tease their siblings, especially Xeph, since they’re all shorter than them. They don’t mean any harm though, just messing around.

Ryul loves to travel, whenever the family went away somewhere when the kids were young, Ryul was thrilled and excited by it! Though now they’re an adult, their parents wish they’d just settle down. There’s a lot to see on Lumi though, and not many city-dwelling lumian’s really travel far from their home cities to see what else is out there, not unless they have too anyway. Ryul however, wants to see the world! And they travel around with their partner, and any friends they can convince to go with them, visiting different cities and enjoying themselves. 

When Xephos’ ship crashed, and he was believed dead. The Lumian Military informed Xephos’ parents, rather than Will, who was his partner at the time, about what had happened. Xeph’s parents didn’t like Will, had never liked him and thought that their eldest deserved much better than some green who got lucky. If they’d had their way, they would never have told Will what had happened to Xephos. But Xeph’s siblings did like Will, and they did want him to know what happened, rather than leaving him to think that Xephos had simply disappeared. But it took a long time for them to be able to tell him. Eventually though, Ryul managed to get the message across to Strife, who didn’t believe it at first, but was, of course, devastated once he realised that Ryul was telling the truth. He was angry that he hadn’t been told though, and had showed up at Xeph’s parents house and shouted at them for not telling him sooner, for trying to hide it from him..

Luzana (Lu-zar-na), or just Zana, and Enlynn (En-Lin), or Enny, are about six years younger than Xeph, and are identical twins. Though in personality, they’re fairly different. Luzana is quite calm and mellow, compared to their siblings, whilst Enylnn is rather hyper, cheerful and a bit silly. They both get along with their older siblings pretty well, despite the age gap, though Enylnn is perhaps a little closer to Ryul than Xephos, since their shared hyperactivity goes together well- or at least, it does to them, maybe not to everyone else.

Enylnn loves tech and computers, gadgetry fascinates them! They very much share this love with Xephos, and the two of them could very easily chat about tech for hours if you let them. Luzana on the other hand, loves fashion and design. And is very good with makeup- though some of that is thanks to Xephos teaching them when they were younger. This gives me an excuse to talk about clothing, but then I’ll wrap this up x)

Clothing on Lumi, or at least in the cities where Xeph and Will grew up, isn’t massively complex or fancy. What you see here is a pretty good set of examples of what city-dwellers are likely to wear. Slim-fitting, high collars, dark colours, covering all but their faces, hands, toes, and tails. Lumian’s are very private people usually, no showing skin in public! Well, unless you’re like, going to a night club or something, then you can get away with something a bit more revealing. (But even then, it’s often no more than shorter sleeves, lower neckline, simple stuff like that. No short shorts here!)

Some lumian’s do wear lighter colours though, Luzana kinda prefers pale colours to the darker shades that most other lumians wear. Darker shades are more common though, since lumian beauty is as focused on the eyes and freckles and their colour and glow as the rest of their society, and darker clothes help to make bright glowing eyes stand out- or at least, that’s the idea.

Metal jewellery worn on the ears, fingers and tails to those that have them (though in this styling I leave tail-rings out for the most part) is very common too. Most of the time the only lumians that won’t wear jewellery are those that simply can’t afford it. Earrings that match the colour of an individuals eyes are common, and many also wear an earring matching their partners colour. Most are silver or gold though, once again, worn to show off a lumians eyes and freckles. Reflecting their glow, and seeming to sparkle.

Lumian’s wear makeup too, it’s very common, though it’s usually only worn around the eyes, not wanting to cover and hide freckles. Darker shades of their eye colour are what is usually worn, making their glowing eyes stand out. Glitter is common in makeup too, as it adds a little extra sparkle around their eyes when the light reflects off of it. Xeph and Will would often do each others makeup before going out of an evening, Xeph had quite a talent for it, and helped to get Luzana into makeup and fashion when they were young. Nail polish is common too, city-dwellers generally keep their claws trimmed and blunt, since keeping them sharp isn’t needed, so they can have them unsheathed without risking hurting anyone, and lots of lumians will wear sparkly or even luminescent nail polish on their claws, though the latter is a little more common amongst young lumians out partying and the like.

The majority of city-dwelling lumians keep their hair short, they’ll style it however they want, but it’s rare for them to grow it out very long. Most lumian’s can grow facial hair, but for the most part it’s only older lumian’s who grow it out at all, and even then, anything more than scruff or stubble is fairly uncommon. Xeph and Ryul are younger but still have a bit of scruff going on. Though that’s only really ‘cos Xeph’s a rebel and Ry’s a mess. x)

Okay- okay I’m gonna stop now. I think that’s everything I wanted to write here and more? Might have missed something, oh well. Will add it to the next one x) There will be two more posts like this, my lumian OCs for Cy to see, plus headcanons and shit. If you have questions about anything, be it related to this or some other headcanon thing, feel free to drop them in my ask box! Seriously, I love having a reason to talk about my headcanons! :D But yeah, that’s this. Sorry that it got so long, but it was fun to draw this and write all of this out! So that’s something at least x) ><

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

getting older

Jeremy Henzell-Thomas is an independent researcher, writer, speaker, educational consultant, former Visiting Fellow and Research Associate at the Centre of Islamic Studies at the University of Cambridge, and Associate Editor of the quarterly journal Critical Muslim. He was awarded an MBE in the Queen’s Birthday Honours in 2021 for services to the Civil Society and the Muslim Community.

We share an issue of the physical heart...This is his musing on getting older.

Approaching my 75th birthday I am reminded that getting older is often regarded (even stigmatised or stereotyped) as a time of declining faculties, increasing disability, and progressive crystallisation (one might even say ‘cementing’) of existing habits and attitudes, including ‘living in the past’ and getting ‘set in one’s ways’. In As you Like It Shakespeare famously depicts the final stage in the ‘Seven Ages of Man’ as one of dotage, senility and second childishness, culminating in ‘mere oblivion, sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.’

Sadly, many seniors do see themselves as having been consigned to the ‘scrap-heap’, and even if they don’t they are often treated as such by others. I remember well a BBC interview with a very senior nursing officer on the mistreatment of elderly people in the healthcare system. Her explanation for the culture of neglect and abuse was simple. Fewer and fewer people, she said, had any religious faith or spiritual values, nor any belief in an afterlife. They therefore saw old people not as precious souls approaching the transition to the next stage of existence but only as dispensable material bodies which had outlived their usefulness. This rings true. Ageism and the culture of contempt for the old is the ultimate consequence of a brutal and nihilistic materialism which reduces everything to base physical utility, to a mere mortal body devoid of soul and spirit.

Well, I want to buck the trend and affirm that as we grow older, we are blessed with the opportunity to transcend the problems which come with age, and awaken those deeper faculties that connect us to our essential nature as fully human beings created ‘in the image of God’.

For me, the experience of true intimacy is integral to that awakening. As the Qur’an tells us, God is ‘closer to you than your jugular vein.’ I love that affirmation because it confirms for me that aging offers a transformational opportunity to ‘come home’, to feel the Divine Presence intimately in the very core of the body. Several years ago I had a striking dream that I had descended from Mount Everest into the foothills, although I still had to descend further into the valleys and levels. The stunning 190-mile Pembrokeshire Coast Path in Wales, which I trekked at the age of 65, actually involves a total ascent of 30,000 feet, higher than Mount Everest, so the image of Everest in my dream was referring not only to the fact that it is the highest mountain but also that it was a ‘height’ that I had scaled in my walk. 

I understand now that the gift of aging is to come down from the lofty heights of heroic personal achievement and transcendent spiritual experience and exercise more warmth, love, compassion, intimacy, reconciliation and tenderness in the immanence of our relationship with others and with the world at large. In short, to become more fully human.In one sense, the transition to a Heart-centred life runs counter to the process of aging, for the physical heart is subject to various diseases. These include coronary heart disease, which occurs when the heart muscle's blood supply is blocked by a build-up of fatty substances in the coronary arteries, and aortic stenosis, when calcification causes narrowing of the aortic valve which reduces blood flow. I am familiar with the latter, as I have a bicuspid aortic valve, a congenital condition which causes stenosis, and which is monitored annually by echocardiogram. It has recently progressed from a mild to a moderate level and I am told that when it reaches a severe level I will need a replacement valve, perhaps before I reach the age of 80.

The physical deterioration of the heart, as manifested in ‘narrowing’, ‘blocking’ and ‘hardening’ offers useful analogies to similar defects in the psyche. We can speak of someone having a ‘hard heart’ or a ‘narrow view’ without in any way implicating the physical organ. In the same way, the word ‘sclerotic’ can be used to describe someone’s thinking or behaviour as rigid and unresponsive, losing the ability to adapt, without referring to sclerosis as a physical condition.

Given the common stereotype of growing old as a time of the narrowing of one’s outlook, I am very much aware of how this tendency (one might say ‘disease’) needs to be countered by cultivating a soft, open and expansive Heart that brings light, love, healing words, and compassion into one’s life and the lives of others. As I age, and hopefully before I need a replacement aortic valve, I pray that I might be true to my own Heart, and thereby to exemplify the Sufi injunction to ‘die before you die’, to let go of the egoic or false self, and live and speak by the light of the true Self. There comes a time when one must sincerely embody and enact what one knows and expresses in words.

I love the moment in the film Greystoke (accompanied by the noble opening theme of Elgar’s first symphony) when Tarzan returns home to the place of his ancestry, the beautiful country estate of his elderly grandfather, the Earl of Greystoke. My eyes fill with tears when Tarzan alights from his carriage and is embraced by the earl, played with great feeling by Ralph Richardson. This ‘coming home’ is deeply symbolic for me. Tarzan, lost in the jungle, comes home after years of exile from his family, culture and native land, to be welcomed with open arms by his grandfather. 

But my response is not an intellectual response to symbolism but a profound emotional feeling of ‘returning’ to the place where we all belong. In so doing, we fulfil the purpose of our lives, which is none other than the realisation of our essential unity with the ground of being. It is coming to rest in old age, in that remembrance of our ‘origin’, which on the deepest level is none other than being embraced by the ultimate Source of Love.

[Thank you Ian Sanders]

[sukajunin]

The last of the real ones

As I write this, From Under the Cork Tree is streaming on my Spotify. It’s amazing how an intro to a song can suddenly place you back in a moment in time.

‘It’s just past 8 and I’m feeling young and reckless / the ribbon on my wrist says “do not open before Christmas”’ - Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued

Little did I know back then, that Fall Out Boy would be the band that followed me through the ages. It was the emo punk-rock band that I was obsessed with; I watched all the ‘making of’ their music videos, plastered cut-outs of their faces on my wardrobe door, wrote their lyrics all over my pencil case.

It was the band I ‘discovered’, which turned out to be one that stuck. No one suggested me to check them out; I stumbled upon them when my channel surfing expedition landed me on MTV (back when it still played music videos). I thought, “what the heck is this guy mumbling? Something about Sin City?”

MTV was playing ‘This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race’.

It wasn’t love at first sight. It was something that just didn’t go away and I found myself humming to their catchy riffs and choruses. They were in every magazine I bought and I eventually succumbed to their influence. I borrowed Infinity On High from a friend and couldn’t find myself returning it.

'The only thing I haven’t done yet is die / and it’s me / and my plus one at the afterlife’ - Thriller

A song named after one of the greatest albums of all time has its expectations but I used to think - and still do - that ‘Thriller’ is one of those songs that was the perfect opening song, whether it be for an album or a concert. Especially with Jay Z serving as some master of ceremony to the show that is Infinity On High. It was my first proper introduction.

The friend that lent me her CD? We didn’t stay friends, but I could never repay her for giving me that first taste. I studied the album cover thoroughly and knew all 15 songs by heart. We even watched their concert together when they were in town. But I needed more, I thought. After sad attempts of Limewire-ing, I got From Under The Cork Tree for my 13th birthday.

As a pre-teen with very little rebellion and angst, Wentz’s lyrics were nothing more than pure poetry to me. The crypticness of the lyrics weren’t relatable at all; they were mostly organised nonsense that was cool to scribble on your notebook (or as your bio line on Instagram these days). I didn’t find out till much later that this frontman bassist was wearing his heart on his... lyrics.

Where FOB’s early fans had to wait every three years for new material, I found myself binging and backtracking all their albums. Past Take This To Your Grave and all the way to Evening Out With Your Girlfriend. All four records had distinctively different sounds, yet all of them had a special place in my heart. I realised, it wasn’t just because it was good music anymore - I had fallen in love with the band itself.

When it came to Folie à Deux being released, it was exciting but strange. I was now one of those fans waiting. I wasn’t sure why this record didn’t leave a pleasant taste in people’s mouths; could it be because I was blinded by my heavy anticipation? Ignoring the haters, Folie à Deux became the soundtrack of my middle school life.

‘They say the captain goes down with the ship / so when the world ends / will god go down with it?’ - What A Catch, Donnie

Sadly, FOB announced their hiatus not long after the release of Folie à Deux. Devastated. I endured a FOB-less journey through high school, with the occasional songs that appear on shuffle, of course. I tried out Stump’s solo Soul Punk out for size; albeit amazing, it failed to fill the FOB-shaped hole.

And when you least expect it, the boys returned and dropped a new song and video to match. It’s the old boyfriend that disappeared from your life for a while: it’s familiar, safe but there’s something different about it. About him. They’re different. And it’s better.

‘Sometimes before it gets better / the darkness gets bigger / the person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger’ - Miss Missing You

They came back with Save Rock and Roll while I was completing my IB diploma. It was an ambitious title and they dropped all the ridiculously long song titles. It was serious, mature, refined. It was as if we both grew up while we were apart. It was also as if nothing has changed.

Skip a few years ahead to when I started university and FOB released American Beauty/American Pyscho - a mainstream, chart-topping success, as if their five-year hiatus was a thing of the past. I managed to go through my first year accompanied by these tracks, doing mundane student things. At this point, the obsession subsided and FOB was simply... comfortable.

‘And I slept in last night’s clothes and tomorrow’s dreams / but they are not quite what they seem’ - Uma Thurman

Now nearing the end of my degree, MANIA came out. Their first single ‘Young and Menace’ was lightyears different to anything they’ve ever done. I wasn’t amazed at first, but given our history, I decided to give them a chance. So much so I went to see them in concert again without having listened to the record at least 17 times.

‘I’m here in search of your glory / there’s been a million before me / that ultra-kind of love / you never walk away from’ - The Last of the Real Ones

Let’s just say, I Spotify-ed the shit out of MANIA after that. After a few years of complacency, I renewed my vows to FOB; I know that no matter how much you’ve strayed from the sound I fell in love with, I will always continue to blast your music through my earpods.

So, I thank you Fall Out Boy for being that past lover, who has never really done anything wrong except becoming victim to life’s trials and tribulations. Who always knew a way to get back in my life when I never expect it. Unlike the other boyfriends bands I used to listen to during my teen angst days, you have outlived them all.

Thank you for growing up with me and being there all these years. I’m thankful to have a band like you to tie me down when I get lost in a sea of today’s pop, top 100 scene.

[bottomshelfreviews]

My Top 20 Albums of the 2010s

There was a lot of great music released this decade, so narrowing my list down to twenty was incredibly difficult. The albums listed here are ranked according to my enjoyment of them and the sentimental value I attach to them.

20. Batushka - Litourgiya (2015) | Label: Witching Hour Productions

Many have hailed Batushka as being one of the most interesting black metal acts to emerge in recent memory, and I’m inclined to agree. The Polish group reminds me of everything that drew me to black metal in the first place. Their 2015 debut, Litourgiya, is atmospheric, sinister, and overall sounds larger than life. The inclusion of Eastern Orthodox chants in their sound only further contributes to the sense of doom and gloom this record evokes.

19. Knuckle Puck - Copacetic (2015) | Label: Rise Records

If any of you were into or even vaguely aware of the pop punk scene in the early to mid-2010s, then I am sure you’ll recall what YouTuber Finn McKenty and others have affectionately dubbed the “sad boy era” of pop punk. This new crop of bands, who dominated the Vans Warped Tour lineups of the first half of the decade, had more in common with emo than they did the “goofier” pop punk bands of years past. Copacetic, in my opinion, was the perfect marker for the decisive end of this era. Although the time in my life during which I mainly listened to this genre of music is over, I still find myself revisiting this record over and over again. 

18. Lingua Ignota - All Bitches Die (2017) | Label: Profound Lore Records

Lingua Ignota (the stage moniker of multi-instrumentalist Kristin Hayter) is truly a force to be reckoned with. Hayter’s music is punishing and heavy, and her stage performances are no different. Beyond the brutality, however, there is beauty, and an important message to behold. A survivor of domestic abuse herself, Hayter pens what she calls “survivor anthems,” using her music as a method through which to process her experiences. 2017’s All Bitches Die is a hurricane of rage, delivered through both beautifully-sung vocals and harsh growls from Hayter. Lingua Ignota is an artist to keep an eye on, and although she just released another full-length, 2019’s Caligula, I cannot wait to see what she does next.

17. Vein - Errorzone (2018) | Label: Closed Casket Activities

This spot very nearly went to the 2017 release, Forever, by hardcore heavyweights Code Orange. Although it is difficult to tack a genre onto Massachusetts band Vein, they have been welcomed into the hardcore scene with open arms, taking it by storm following the release of this breakout album. After attending the record release show for Errorzone at the Billerica Masonic Hall during the summer of 2018, I immediately became entirely and utterly obsessed with this album. If you are a fan of hardcore, metalcore, or nu metal, then this album has something for you, and all of these genres are mixed in a way that doesn’t come off as tacky. After seeing Vein for the second time this past summer as one of the opening acts for straight edge hardcore legends Have Heart at one of their Worcester reunion shows, I only became further convinced that Vein are hardcore’s next big thing. 

16. BROCKHAMPTON - SATURATION trilogy (2017) | Label: Empire

Okay, so I’m technically cheating with this one, but it makes sense to me to consider all three SATURATION albums as one cohesive unit. Formed in Texas but now based in Los Angeles, hip-hop collective BROCKHAMPTON took everyone by surprise when they released three albums back-to-back spanning summer to winter 2017. Since then, BROCKHAMPTON have gone on to attain considerable success and popularity, but for me, nothing they do will truly match the “magic” of SATURATION. Doing nearly everything themselves, these young men are among the hardest-working musicians in the industry today. While I may be partial to certain albums in the trilogy over others (cough, cough, SATURATION III), each album is full of bangers and appears to be a hip-hop classic in the making.

15. Chelsea Wolfe - Hiss Spun (2017) | Label: Sargent House

A seasoned musician by the time Hiss Spun dropped, the 2017 record was Chelsea Wolfe’s fifth full-length. While I love a majority of Wolfe’s discography, in my eyes, Hiss Spun is her crown jewel. This album is sludgy, gloomy, and heavy, but as always, Wolfe’s songwriting reflects her childhood roots of being raised listening to folk and country music. Wolfe has explained that the lyrical themes present on this album have to do with various health issues she has faced, and her writing’s focus on the body as a vessel can be downright unsettling at times, but in the best way possible. Hiss Spun is cathartic but uncomfortable, a space that Wolfe is more than content to dwell in.

14. Against Me! - Transgender Dysphoria Blues (2014) | Label: Total Treble Music

Punk band Against Me! were already a seasoned and established group by the time Transgender Dysphoria Blues was released, but, it was their first full-length outing since vocalist and guitarist Laura Jane Grace came out as a trans woman. The album’s lyrical focus on the struggles of gender dysphoria and not feeling like you belong in your own body is not only refreshing, but needed. Not only that, but it’s just a damn good record. Lead single “True Trans Soul Rebel” is anthemic while lyrically dealing with a challenging topic. Other tracks, like “Black Me Out” and “Unconditional Love,” are bonafide punk bangers that are all too tempting to jump around to. Transgender Dysphoria Blues is not only Against Me!’s most important record, but it also just may well be their best record.

13. Lorde - Pure Heroine (2013) | Label: Universal

In my opinion, Lorde is THE pop musician of the 2010s. Still a teenager when her debut album dropped and when lead single “Royals” was dominating the airwaves, Pure Heroine introduced Lorde as one of the most interesting new voices in popular music. Not only that, but its lyrical critiques of wealth and consumerism were a challenge to the pop status quo of the time. While I wasn’t too fond of “Royals” upon my first few listens to it on the radio, I became far more appreciative of Lorde when I listened to Pure Heroine in full for the first time. It has catchy hooks and a lot of the other usual hallmarks of pop music, but the memorability of the album established Lorde as a new kind of star and separated her from the rest of the pack. “Tennis Court” and “Glory and Gore” are still favorites of mine, and although I adore her sophomore release Melodrama, I’m still convinced Pure Heroine is Lorde at her best.

12. FKA Twigs - MAGDALENE (2019) | Label: Young Turks

British singer FKA Twigs had been quiet for a long time leading up to the release of 2019 full-length MAGDALENE. Prior to its release, her last project had been the 2015 EP M3LL155X. And oh boy, was the wait worth it. MAGDALENE is perhaps her most breathtaking work yet, everything sounding lush and ethereal. Taking inspiration for the title from the Biblical Mary Magdalene (there’s even a track on the album named for her), MAGDALENE explores emotion, womanhood, and the ways in which the two are intertwined. The lyrics to single “home with you” reflect the nurturing nature and caregiver status that women are typically expected to uphold: “I didn’t know that you were lonely / If you’d have just told me, I’d be home with you / I didn’t know that you were lonely / If you’d have just told me I’d be running down the hills to you.” Even the lyrics to radio-ready “holy terrain,” which features American rapper Future, reflect a desire to be wanted by a partner once “I’m yours to obtain.” MAGDALENE is a record that demands the listener’s attention from start to finish.

11. We Came Out Like Tigers - Agelessness and Lack (2012) | Label: Dogknights Productions

Out of the same UK town that produced The Beatles came “blackened skramz” outfit We Came Out Like Tigers. I discovered this group via Bandcamp, and they were my entryway into learning that there was an entire subgenre of bands that combined two of my favorite genres: black metal and screamo/skramz. Even with all of the wonderful music I subsequently dove into, We Came Out Like Tigers’ 2012 release Agelessness and Lack still stands out as a favorite of mine. The first track, “An Introduction,” includes folky guitar and spoken word lines before you’re thrust into the sonically complex “Sous Les Pavés La Plage.” The complexity is exactly what continues to make me revisit this album. The band is constantly switching between quiet and loud, and for a young band at the time, they had completely mastered when to make a song big and when to tone things down. Agelessness and Lack is both punishing and delicate. Sadly, We Came Out Like Tigers are no longer together, but this record will long outlive them.

10. Animal Flag - Void Ripper (2018) | Label: Triple Crown Records

I almost gave this spot to Animal Flag’s beloved 2016 record LP, however, Void Ripper was a record that I could not get out of my mind. On this record, the Massachusetts band covers genres varying from pop punk (“Candace”) to post-rock (“Fair”), and this variance pays off. Void Ripper may come off as a thematically dark record to many, but the hope present in it is palpable. The track “Stray” utilizes the metaphor of a stray dog to convey the message of feeling lost in life. Interestingly, religion and the doubting of one’s faith is a constant theme throughout the album. The track “Why” states, “No god above / There’s evil all around,” and “Fair” asks, “Do you feel close to God yet?” Questioning of faith is a common experience for those who were raised religious, only adding to the relatability of Animal Flag’s work. Sonically stunning and lyrically heart-wrenching, Void Ripper, to me, is Animal Flag’s magnum opus. 

9. My Chemical Romance - Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (2010) | Label: Reprise Records

Anyone who knows me personally knows that My Chemical Romance are, and have been, my favorite band. Their 2010 release Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys was their last full-length prior to their infamous breakup in 2013. Danger Days is not my favorite My Chem album by any means, and it was polarizing for many long-time fans when it dropped. It marked a huge musical shift for the group and sounds more like a straight-up rock and roll album than anything else they’ve ever released. The concept for the album was based around a comic book series frontman Gerard Way was working on at the time, a series that would eventually begin to be released during the summer of 2013. Like anything My Chem had ever done, everything about Danger Days was meticulously thought through and on brand. Lead single “Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)” is a slick rock and roll anthem, and tracks like “Bulletproof Heart” and “S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W” are personal favorites of mine. On this album, lead guitarist Ray Toro truly shines with some of the best musicianship he’s ever displayed during his time in the band. Danger Days is both glam and futuristic, a party at the end of the world.

8. SZA - Ctrl (2017) | Label: Top Dawg Entertainment

SZA’s Ctrl is one of those records that possesses the power to instantly transport me back to where I was when I first discovered it. It was the fall of my freshman year of college, I had just gone through a breakup, and I was unsure of what I was really doing in life. The R&B singer’s reflections on life, love, and feeling undesirable (the song “Supermodel” is a good example) had struck a chord with me, as they did with countless other listeners. The themes present on SZA’s debut album are melancholic, but it’s through this melancholy that SZA is able to convey relatability and hope to her fans. This relatability, to me, is especially present in the song “Prom,” in which SZA laments, “Am I doin’ enough? / Feel like I’m wastin’ time.” Ctrl is great, soulful stuff, just how all good R&B should be, and above all, it’s filled with earnest honesty. Undoubtedly, Ctrl is a record that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

7. Ghost - Opus Eponymous (2010) | Label: Rise Above

Many have pegged Swedish band Ghost as the breakout metal group of the decade, and I couldn’t agree more. Hard rock and metal publication Loudwire even named frontman Tobias Forge as their metal artist of the decade. Although their debut effort Opus Eponymous is not the record that propelled them into stardom, it effectively set the groundwork for the hallmarks of their sound present on subsequent albums. Part of Ghost’s appeal is, of course, their theatrics. Forge masquerades as a demonic anti-Pope in Papa Emeritus I, and the rest of the band is filled with masked “Nameless Ghouls.” Beyond their creative “devil church” concept, Ghost just makes damn good music. Forge is an astounding vocalist and has a real knack for crafting sticky melodies. I’ll never forget the first time I heard “Ritual,” with its catchy introductory riff (great opening riffs seem to be Ghost’s “thing” now: think “Square Hammer” or “Mummy Dust”). Although themes of Satan and the demonic are common in a lot of heavy music, this was the very first time fourteen year-old Kayla had heard anything remotely of the sort. The same goes for the equally-catchy “Stand By Him,” and their ode to blood countess Elizabeth Bathory, “Elizabeth.” Anyone who is aware of my current love for black metal will likely laugh at this, but upon first listen, I was horrified yet enthralled. Even after years of being a fan of this band, I can still say with confidence that Opus is full of the catchiest metal songs I’ve ever heard. 

6. Lana Del Rey - Born to Die (2012) | Label: Interscope Records

Lana Del Rey, up until her critically acclaimed 2019 record Norman Fucking Rockwell!, has historically been met with mixed reactions. However, it’s her major-label debut Born to Die that made me fall in love with her. Del Rey set herself apart from the upper echelons of the pop world with her deep, sultry vocal register and love of old Hollywood glamour. Her music has a grand, lush, cinematic quality to it—think of the track “Ride,” taken from the extended Paradise edition of this record. It’s hard to say anything about Born to Die that hasn’t already been said, but like countless other records on this list, Del Rey’s debut possesses major sentimental value to me—I’ll never forget hearing “Video Games” for the first time. Some have critiqued Del Rey for her melodrama, but I believe this melancholy attitude is what makes Lana Del Rey, well, Lana Del Rey. Born to Die was a new kind of pop record, one that was dreary and marked by a self-aware sadness.

5. Turnover - Peripheral Vision (2015) | Label: Run for Cover Records

Turnover was, and still is, a band well-loved by kids who listened to pop punk and emo. When Turnover decided to reinvent themselves in favor of a more shoegaze, dream pop-infused sound for their second record, it paid off extremely well. Peripheral Vision effectively made Turnover the torchbearers of this sonic shift within the pop punk/emo scene, but in my opinion, no band or release since has come close to touching them. Not even Turnover themselves with their later releases. Peripheral Vision is dreamy and atmospheric, and at times, feels like a warm hug. Its melodies are infectious and stay with you, like in tracks such as “Humming” and “Take My Head.” This record reminds me of a warm spring day. Peripheral Vision opened a lot of minds, including my own, and was one of the catalysts that pushed my music taste beyond the pop punk I was so comfortable with. From here on out, Peripheral Vision is the record I’ll choose to play on a sunny day.

4. The Wonder Years - The Greatest Generation (2013) | Label: Hopeless Records

The Greatest Generation marked a shift in maturity for The Wonder Years. It is undoubtedly their masterpiece, dealing with issues varying from vocalist Dan “Soupy” Campbell’s mental health struggles to coming of age in the suburbs. In my eyes, The Greatest Generation is the defining record for this era of pop punk, and I believe its appeal and relatability allow for it to expand its reach far beyond the pop punk scene. “The Devil in My Bloodstream” is a heartbreaking take on dealing with depression, and “We Could Die Like This” provides a snapshot of monotonous suburban life, even including the brand of cigarettes Campbell’s grandmother smokes and the lyrics, “If I die, I wanna die in the suburbs.” The album ends triumphantly with the seven minute-long “I Just Want to Sell Out My Funeral.” With The Greatest Generation, The Wonder Years have achieved what I think is the defining coming-of-age record of the decade. 

3. Balance and Composure - The Things We Think We’re Missing (2013) | Label: No Sleep Records

Do you remember that part of the decade when it seemed that every pop punk/emo band had taken some sort of influence from 90s grunge? With their second record, Balance and Composure put out the best album to come from that era of the scene. The Things We Think We’re Missing was a huge leap away from the band’s first effort, Separation. From the immediate nuclear blast of an opening track in “Parachutes” to the slower (but still raucous) closing track “Enemy,” Balance and Composure compiled a collection of tracks that was instantly memorable and iconic. Even more toned-down moments, like the acoustic track “Dirty Head,” are still laced with the same desperation and aggression. The guitar work on this thing is incredible, and frontman Jon Simmons’ vocal performance soars. I listen to this album probably about once a week, and I foresee it continuing to be in my rotation for a long time. Make no doubt about it, this record is filled with angst, but as I get older, I feel like The Things We Think We’re Missing grows alongside me. 

2. Movements - Feel Something (2017) | Label: Fearless Records

I haven’t felt this way about a new band in a very, very long time. California’s Movements are such an incredibly special band and convey emotion in a way very much unlike most of their contemporaries. After an impressive first EP with Outgrown Things, I was hoping for Movements to continue to deliver with their debut full-length project. And, oh boy, did they deliver. Feel Something mixes elements of post-hardcore, emo, and spoken word in a refreshing manner, despite the fact that this type of genre-blending was certainly not invented by Movements. Frontman Patrick Miranda’s lyrics are pensive and thoughtful, and delivered in a manner that grounds the notion that he knows what he’s talking about. The lyrics to opening track “Full Circle” are delivered with an earnestness that only a person who’s experienced the lows of depression themselves could possibly be capable of. Miranda perfectly captures the monotony of going through the cycle of depression: “It comes in waves and I’m pulled below / It’s not subjective, it’s clinical / Drown myself in the undertow of all my imbalanced chemicals / And the cycle comes full circle.” Even the song “Deadly Dull,” which is centered around living with Alzheimer’s and having all of your memories be erased “every time you fall asleep,” gives the impression that Miranda has had first-hand experience with what he’s singing about. For such a young band, Movements have perfected the craft of emotive music in a manner that few others have. 

1. The Hotelier - Home, Like NoPlace is There (2014) | Label: Tiny Engines 

Not only is The Hotelier’s sophomore effort my favorite record of the decade, but it might also be one of my favorite records of all time. Massachusetts’ The Hotelier marked their place in the 2010s “emo revival,” but, to me, Home, Like NoPlace is There is more than just an emo record. It’s intensely personal and conveys grief like no other. It’s personal because of the simple fact that many people likely have a topic covered on this album that they can relate to, from losing a loved one, to struggling with your identity, to being in a toxic relationship. The most popular song on the record, “Your Deep Rest,” features vocalist and bassist Christian Holden lamenting over their friend’s suicide and wondering if they could have done more. Holden sings, “I called in sick from your funeral / The sight of your body made me feel uncomfortable.” “Housebroken” utilizes the metaphor of a dog relying on its owner to convey the message of feeling stuck in a toxic relationship. The album ends on a triumphant note with “Dendron,” and with it, you get a sense of closure, as if the emotional journey the album took you on is wrapped up neatly with a nice little bow. Despite this closure, this album stays with you for a long time, and listening to it requires your full attention. The Hotelier are a special band, and Home, Like NoPlace is There is one of those records that only comes around once in a lifetime.

Honorable Mentions:

- Citizen - Youth (2013)

- Daughters - You Won’t Get What You Want (2018)

- Pianos Become the Teeth - The Lack Long After (2011)

- Behemoth - The Satanist (2014)

- Title Fight - Hyperview (2015)

- Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010)

- Grimes - Art Angels (2015)

- Mount Eerie - A Crow Looked at Me (2017)