#‘ohhh i wanna lose the ability to walk’ yeah same i just want it to be bc my legs were crushed by one of those roller things

[mars-ipan]

who needs sex when. deep tissue massage

[inkribbon796]

Six [Ate] Ain’t Seven Ch. 2: Repairing the Seam

Summary: The Host and Patton go into the tear to save their future, and fight their past along the way.

Chapters: 1, 2

The two heroes were standing back outside the warehouses, but this time right in the parking lot to the east side of the warehouses. Logan and Virgil nowhere nearby. Patton was still in the suit, but the Host had changed.

He was in a pinstripe black shirt, a notebook in hand, but the thing that caught Patton were his eyes.

Namely that they weren’t just black sockets covered by bandages. They were there, his pupils the same color of brilliant gold that was normally streaked into the front of his hair.

“Ughhh!” The seer shielded his recently restored eyes from the sun. It had been a long time since light had hit his nerves like that. His visions and narrations had been his eyes but now having his old ones back were agony.

“Host!” Patton gasped, rushing to the Host’s side. “What can I do? Should I call Iplier?”

“He would not recognize the Host, and if the Host and Patton leave the warehouse parking lot without this reality’s anomaly they will have to re-enter and try again.”

“Yeah, but,” Patton began before the Host’s aura wrapped around his eyes to lessen the pain and disorientation. After a couple minutes he shakily got up, helped by Patton.

“I could go in alone,” Patton offered.

“Morality would not be able to find his way to the anomaly to retrieve it,” the Host denied. “Being alone would only increase the likelihood of failure.”

With that the Host began to lead Patton towards Dark’s main warehouse, with each step he gained strength, but also felt the Author trying to smother him out. People parted for them at even the sight of the Author. Dark was out dealing with a problem, the Host had made sure of it before even setting foot into this reality. So entering the office was easy.

The Host walked over to the huge family portrait and used his aura to tip it out of the way far enough to crack the safe open and extract a single black day planner. He then closed the safe and restored the portrait to its natural position.

“Is that what you were looking for?” Patton asked in confusion.

“Yes,” the Host answered. “Morality should not be fooled by the anomaly’s current appearance. This is a magical artifact that has the ability to destroy realities if used improperly.”

“Okay, so, we have it, then we can leave?” Patton looked around uneasily.

“Yes, and the Host and Morality should be quick,” the Host checked over the office to make sure everything was in order before starting to lead the Side out. But as they started leaving the warehouse the pull to return was only getting stronger.

Patton was mentally fading in and out of himself, like he was drowning at sea and barely able to keep his head about the frothy depths of his own mind. It felt like some part of him, some gaping, empty hole in his soul wanted to pull him back in. It was some cautious, hungry creature and Patton didn’t like him.

All it would take was the lightest shove to his attention, and he would be gone. He could see the parking lot in the distance. They were almost safe.

The Host was doing so well, the Author was trying to steal back control. But he was distracted when Illinois came stomping out of a portal with King following him. An errant squirrel scurrying off of him, and out into a random warehouse. King’s usual cape was gone, as was his child that typically clung to King. He was in his suit instead.

Illinois looked pissed, as if he’d kill the next person who spoke to him. As Illinois and the Host passed, the seer’s newly restored eyes tracked of their own volition and as he glanced at Illinois a sadistic sense of victory came over him. King was glancing between them in uncertainty.

“How’s it going lover boy,” the Author baited, the distraction giving him the push he needed. His feet stopped.

“Not now, shitbag,” Illinois grumbled, glaring at him as he kept walking.

“Not my fault you dug your grave with Mr. Right,” Author dared. “I mean, he gave you everything and you burned his base down. I’m a certified sadist, but at least I clean up after myself and don’t fucking get involved with my food.”

“Shut up,” Illinois seethed.

“I mean, did you see his face?” Author continued to goad, “I mean the one fucker you don’t kill and instead you fuck up so badly that he dumps your ass.”

“Shut up!” Illinois shouted, King and Patton looking between each other in unease. The two young men were attracting a crowd.

“I mean, you should have just fucked him and run, would have saved you both the trouble,” Arthur dared and Illinois screamed in a heartbroken fury before throwing himself at his brother and the two starting a fistfight.

Patton and King both called for Dark with their stars, not wanting the two to kill each other.

Dark immediately ripped open and portal and froze when he saw the fight. He saw the screaming and knew he’d been wrong to leave Illinois alone with his brothers while he was still so emotionally raw.

“Philly!” Dark shouted and yanked his adopted son through a portal. “A word!”

“He started it!” Illinois shouted in a rage before the portal closed.

Author had the good sense to wait until he was sure Dark was gone, reprimanding Illinois, to start cackling like a madman. The weight in his pocket was almost nonexistent.

“Did you see his fucking face?” Author laughed. “I think he was crying.”

“You’re a fucking dick, Art,” King glared at him. “You know that right?”

“Come on,” Author stood up and brushed himself off. “He deserved it. Besides it’s not like one slip up is going to kick Daddy’s favorite off his pedestal. I need to try much harder for that.”

“If you weren’t such a complete asshole, I might agree with you,” King glared at him. “Come on, that hero he was dating was the best partner yet.”

“And Phills chose his side,” Arthur reminded. “We all did. I don’t get why he’s so upset that his boyfriend didn’t like his choice.”

“Just once I’d like you to get a taste of your own medicine,” King sighed, before he turned to see a couple squirrels rush over and he let them climb up his leg and onto his shoulder while they chittered at him. “Gotta[1] go, one of the heroes is causing trouble over by warehouse six.”

“I’ll come with, it’s been a while since I had some fun,” Arthur grinned.

“Hey, maybe we should,” Patton began to suggest as the two other Lost Ones looked towards him, “go back inside, Author. I think you’ve had enough fun for now. We can fight them next time.”

Author was about to protest before Patton sent a calming wave towards him, and immediately there was this glazed look to Author’s eyes. He huffed out, already stomping away, “Yeah, whatever fun police. I hate that the Old Man stuck me with you.”

Patton rushed to catch up with his adopted brother, “I just don’t want you to get in trouble, or get hurt.”

“Too late for that Pat-attack,” Arthur reminded.

Patton smiled warmly, a smile that despite Author’s best efforts he couldn’t hate. The guy was sunshine personified. “Come on, I’m gonna[2] lose my touch if you keep smiling like that. I’m gonna[2] have to punch you in the gut or something.”

Still smiling, the two were about to head into Dark’s main warehouse, when someone walked over to them.

“Umm, Author?”

Author and Patton turned to see a young man standing not too far from them. He had an oversized purple hoodie with a green swirl on the front and back. He had a thick book held to his chest.

“You talking to me?” Author asked, pointing to himself.

“Yeah,” the young man nodded with a smile before pulling out a folded up note from his hoodie pocket. “Philly wanted me to pass this on. You know, to keep it off the record.”

“Oh,” Author smiled, suddenly overly smug and sure of himself. He plucked the note out of the young man’s hand and opened it.

Written in Illinois’s handwriting was:

“I want you outside 5th and Center St. We can settle this where Dark won’t see. I’m sick of your shit. Be there, or I WILL find you.”

Author chuckled, writing his bat back into his hands, “Well, well, if Daddy’s favorite wants his teeth kicked in, I’m more than happy to oblige. Hey buddy, you wanna watch a narcissistic asshole get his hopes and dreams crushed?”

The young man’s left eyebrow hitched up as he gave the Author a knowing look, “That’s certainly one way of putting it. Sure, I like watching a train wreck in motion.”

“Alright,” Author smiled. “I like you, I promise not to kill you immediately.”

“Thanks, I guess,” his tone clearly insulted. “You gonna[2] go, or should I go and jump off the roof of the closest warehouse? I got stuff to do.”

“Hmmm,” Author hummed. “You got a name?”

“Karl Jacobs,” Karl smiled again as he watched Author write down his name. “With a “K” and it’s not short for “Carlton” either.”

“Boy, aren’t you just dumb as shit?” Author chuckled to himself as he crossed out the first spelling and wrote the correct one.

At that Karl just glared at him, but didn’t say anything.

“Not my fault this is your first day on the job,” Author smiled.

“Hey, uh, maybe we shouldn’t,” Patton began but stopped when he saw the look in Author’s eyes.

“Not my fault Ills wants his teeth bashed in,” Author waggled his finger before he turned and started heading towards the parking lot again, moving quickly to get to where he thought Illinois was. “Come on, I’ve been dying for a rematch.”

“Yeah, but,” Patton tried to interject.

“So give me some motivation,” Author told Karl as they kept walking, ignoring Patton completely. “What makes you tick?”

“Well, one of your dads killed my dad,” Karl admitted.

“Well, Wil kills a lot of people so you’re going to have to be specific,” Arthur shrugged, slugging his bat over his head, causing Patton to quickly duck as he was racing to keep up.

“No, I meant Dark,” Karl corrected. “My dad was doing some dumb things, hoping to blackmail him. But he died and now I have to deal with the bridge.”

“Ohhh, that was your dad,” Author realized. “Man, he was an idiot.”

“So do have, like, a grudge against us then?” Patton asked as they were weaving around cars.

“Kinda,”[3] Karl admitted, “but only to Dark, and don’t worry it’s not enough to screw you guys over. You guys weren’t even adopted yet and Dark was just looking out for his kid.”

The suspicious part of Arthur’s brain lit up like a series of waved semaphores, how did this asshole know I’m adopted and not their actual kid‽

“How—” Arthur asked as his feet finally crossed the invisible barrier of the parking lot, and the Host woke back up. He had just enough time to pull Patton along with him as their exit ejected them out of the little pocket reality.

The three of them stepped into the white of the In-between. Patton suffered the most disorientation.

“You back to normal?” Karl asked.

“Yes,” the Host started coming back to himself more and more, fighting the vestiges of the Author still left inside of him. His eyes were gone again and covered with bandages, but blood was coming from the sockets. “The Host is in control.”

“Good,” Karl told him, before slapping him in the arm with his huge book. “That’s for being a jerk.”

“The Host deserves that,” the Host flinched away from the blow.

“Yeah, yah[4] did,” Karl agreed.

“Is everyone still okay?” Patton asked fearfully.

“Yes,” the Host answered, talking out the day planner. “There is still time for the Host to fix their mistakes. Thanks to Karl, the Host and Morality can still remember everything.”

The Host turned his attention towards where his aura was telling him Karl was, “The Host cannot thank Karl enough for intervening.”

Karl shrugged, “You’re the one who gave me the note, I’m just here to help.”

“So we’re going back home, right?” Patton asked. “I want to go home.”

“The Host has what they need,” Host promised. He turned to Karl. “Does Karl need assistance in returning back to the city?”

“I’m stuck here until I die again,” Karl sighed, looking at the castle in the distance, his breath stuttering a bit. He was not looking forward to the pain, nor the disorientation, that always followed moments like this. Usually dehydration or starvation got him.

“The Host can help with that,” the Host’s aura gripped the back of Karl’s head. “After all, Karl did save the Host, it’s only fair for the Host to return the favor.”

Karl felt the sensation of failing before his mind fell out of this reality, right into the white void of the In-between, and then he was yanked back upwards and into a hospital room where he was weak but alive. Hospital machines beeping and giving him life, and the dull chatter of a nurse talking with another doctor.

He stirred and the hospital room flew into action, the nurse immediately paging Quackity who would rush from a meeting to sit by his fiancé’s side as he started his recovery treatment.

Back in the In-Between, the Host used the anomalies to keep the hole he’d ripped open for Karl pried open so that they could easily step through.

“Morality should go first,” the Host ordered the Side. “The Host is hesitant to take the anomaly through before Morality. In case it strands him alone in the In-between.”

“Oh, thanks,” Patton said and stepped through, his suit changing back to his superhero outfit and his freckles fading behind his mask. He felt a hum of his magic surge back, and a connection with Thomas was restored as if he was waking back up from a terrible dream. Patton hadn’t even realized he’d been disconnected from it in the first place.

The Host stepped through after, two black day planners in his hand. The tear was still there but fragmenting by the second. Curling his aura around the day planners they began to turn into dust and swirl together until a single planner was held in the Host’s aura.

With that the tear that had been long since been a nuisance and a threat to the Host was fully disconnected. It became one of the hundreds of thousands of alternate worlds loosely ringed around theirs. No more a danger to him than the dark mirror world that the Host and his allies had found themselves in not so long ago.

“Morality!” Logan yelled as he and Virgil were running over.

With a couple narrations, the Host sent the Sides back to their home to rest, Virgil would be salty and upset at the Host. But the Sides would be together, and that was what was important.

The Host ripped a portal into Dark’s office and saw Illinois sitting and talking with Dark. The Entity was discussing some Network business and some details about Illinois’s upcoming wedding.

The seer stalled a bit, not expecting to see Illinois at this moment. He felt apprehension, his actions under the Author’s insidious influence came back to his mind.

“You okay?” Illinois asked, noticing the hesitant way the Host was holding himself.

“No,” the Host answered. “The Host does not deserve the adventurer’s kindness, nor his consideration. The Host is a terrible brother, he always continues to be so.”

“Hey, hey,” Illinois kicked his feet up and walked over to the Host. He signaled over to Dark, who summoned a portal and seamlessly sent them to the Manor. It was not ideal for the Host but the action had already been done. “What’s this about?”

The Host began explaining to Illinois, to the best of his physical abilities, what he had done. The situation of their missing brother. That Patton had been the price to keeping them safe, but also he told Illinois of his barbed words to Illinois. How at his core he was not any different than the Author.

“Host, Host,” Illinois cut in, curling his aura around the Host, instead of suddenly grabbing onto him, so he didn’t startle him. “Yeah it does concern me that you can just make one of us permanently disappear. I don’t know who this “Patton” was but I’m certain that if he helped you then he was one of the best brothers we ever had. But you’re not a terrible person, you’re doing your best. You were just trying to look out for us.”

“That does not excuse what the Author has done,” the Host cut him off. “Or what the Host has done.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Illinois agreed seriously. “Artie was a lot of things: a pain in my ass, desperate to reenact “Lord of the Flies” and kill me. But he was my brother, and besides Kay, he knew what it was kinda[3] like to be unwanted for a long time. I think both of us forgot that. But now you’re here, and you’re my brother too.”

A smile came back to Illinois’s face, “Besides, you being so worried about me proves that you don’t mean to hurt me. That we’re brothers.”

“The Host supposed that Illinois may have a point,” the seer reluctantly agreed.

“Of course I do,” the adventurer gave him a smug smile. “Trust me more, we’re both in this together. Although, I should admit, I do appreciate not being attacked or threatened with a bat on a regular basis. That, plus you helping me protect 아빠[5] makes you a much better brother than he ever was. If that makes you feel better?”

“The Host is somewhat eased by the adventurer’s words, yes,” the Host agreed.

“Alright, you want to spend the rest of the day with me, or should I take you to the heroes, your eyes are bleeding pretty badly.” Illinois was looking in concern at the seer’s face.

“The Host originally had important matters with the Entity, ones that he cannot put off,” the Host corrected. “The Host was not expecting to see Illinois in his office.”

Illinois lightly whistles, a huge smile splitting his face. “I threw you off your game? Never thought I’d see the day.”

“The Host was pressed for time, he couldn’t check before he opened the portal,” the Host snapped back.

“Sure, I got yah[4],” Illinois chuckled, taking off his hat and tapping on the bronze star hidden inside. “you’re still seeing your boyfriend after this though, your eyes need cleaning before they get infected.”

Dark came to them in an instant, a flurry of overprotective worry.

“Is everything alright?” Dark asked as he portaled in, he was looking Host over for any wounds or signs of a fight. The Host let him fret as he looked at him.

“Yes, the Host was merely discussing something with Illinois,” the Host reached into one of his pockets with his aura and pulled out a plain black day planner. “The Host merely wished to return this to the Entity.”

“Oh,” Dark patted himself down to find his planner was missing and quickly took it back. “Thank you, I didn’t realize it was gone.”

“Yes, the Host had to borrow it for a little while,” the Host told him. “He thanks the Entity for his assistance.”

Dark paused to think about that, confused and suspicious, but he chose not to comment on his thoughts. He turned and headed back to his office.

Host watched him go, aware of the presence watching them. Watching Dark’s every move. Carefully the Host spoke wards into being and they quietly curled around the Entity, protecting him from harm. The Host would have eliminated the threat completely, but such was not in his power. He wasn’t strong enough to disrupt the anomaly entirely, but he would protect what was his. He would protect his family from the Actor, or any other threat.

No matter the cost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post A/N: Information on Lost One Patton: his superpower was empathy manipulation. He was the emotional heart of his family and helped keep Author from getting too violent with his siblings. As such Patton and Author were close. His codename in the Network was: Pathos.  Also since he has a January birthday, and Author had a February one, that makes him the eldest Lost One, by barely a month.

Accessibility Translations:

1. Have to

2. going to

3. kind of

4. you

5. Dad; used informally. Phonetically reads as: Appa.

[fcndpacificrimau]

OC Interview Nathan & Ray Davis

This was made just for fun :-)

R : Ray answering the question

N: Nathan answering the question

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

read the interview under the cut

1. What is your name? N:  Nathan Davis . You can call me Nate R: Ray Davis....

2. Do you know why are you named like that? R: I never asked. When you hear the name Raymond you might start thinking I'm an old dude... I don't think there's a special meaning behind my name. N: *laughs*  You know that actor...that Nathan Fillion man? Do I need to explain more? Our mother was a fan  so ...this is where my name is coming from. But still, I'm looking way much better then him.

3. Are you single or taken? R: I ...really don't want to talk about this... *crosses his arms* N: Taken by the most beautiful woman on the planet *winks at the camera for his girlfriend Amelia* R: ..... *pissed AF*

4. Have any abilities or powers? R: No...but apparently I can look like a puppy . In some situations it can be an advantage. N: My looks and my big p.....EGO! *smirks*  Oh and don't forget. My charm!     I'm a shitload of lucky charms!  *thinks he is funny* R: *shakes his head in disbelief*

5. Stop being a Mary Sue! N: Please. I'm better than that. I'm like f**king John Wick. Wanna touch my family, my friends? I'm gonna John Wick your ass! R: You really don't wanna piss him off. Remember that Kaiju *insert whatever kaiju name here* .   Yeah ...well you saw what happened just because it pissed him off...

6. What’s your eye color? R:  Green. N: Brown...is that somehow relevant?

7. How about your hair color? R: You are sitting in front of us...*is not in the mood for this today* N: Blonde, Lady. You seem to like it.  *flirts like he always does*

8. Have any family members? R: We lost our parents a long time ago.  I was 13 back then and Nate 16... N:  If It wouldn't be for Joanne Rhodes we would only have us... it would only be me and Ray. Joanne found us when our parents died.  She and her Husband Omar took us in. Raised us like we where their own. We are more than grateful for that. The Rhodes are our Family.

9. Oh? How about pets? *the brothers are looking at each other* N: No...no pets. *that's a lie*   *only Ray and Amelia know about Nathans parrots Marty McFly and Meryl Cheep* R: *only shakes his head as an answer*

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like? R: Kaijus...obviously. N:  Raisins.  WHO likes raisins??? Why would you put raisins in cookies?? Huh? You know that feeling when you see a box of cookies. Thinking hell yes  I got me a nice box of cookies with chocolate chunks. Then you take a bite and are like...urrgghh did a rabbit took a shit in there? WHO LIKES RAISINS???? R: He hates Raisins!!!

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do? N: I like keeping this hot body in a good shape. Not only for my lady but also for my job. Being a Pilot requires a strong body. R: mmhhmm...you might not believe it but I like to read. No matter what. After a rough day a good story helps relaxing. 12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before? R: yes...but not on purpose... N: Did not everyone hurt someone?... 13. Ever… killed anyone before? N & R in sync: KAIJUS! R: But no people! N: Only those big blue ugly ass beef jerky aliens

14. What kind of animal are you? N: Oh lady~ I'm not an animal. I'm a BEAST! *winks* R: ohhh ...why am I doing this again..?*sighs*

15. Name your worst habits? N: Some people say I tend to act like an a*hole. R: He does!!!  *laughs because Nathan seems a bit pissed now*     I guess this acting like an a*hole is in our blood. I do sometimes the same thing. Mostly when I feel cornered. When I don't know what to say or to do...depends on the situation. At least I have something called regrets. When I acted like such a ...dick I feel guilty and really bad. Unlike my brother over there... *looks at Nathan* He is a dick 24/7. N : Let's move on to the next question.. *wants to switch the topic*

16. Do you look up to anyone at all? N: Oh there are a few like Persey Johnson. Marshal Grant. R: Don't forget Thomas Rush & Garret Barnes!

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual? R: Pretty personal question... N : I just love women. Most beautiful creatures walking on earth. They deserve all the love the can get.

18. Do you go to school? N: *clears his throat* Ma'am you are joking, right?     You are interviewing two Jaeger Pilots... R: DO you go to school? *simply asks the interviewer the same question*

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day? N: Sure. But not only one kid. Maybe 3 or 4. Imagine me as a dad. I'm going to be not only a good daddy but also a damn hot daddy. R: *makes choking noises* jeez...Nate....can you not...please?

20. Do you have any fangirls /fanboys? N:  Of course we have. Just look at us? We are Heros and we have the looks. *smirks* R: We even have some hardcore fangirls/fanboys...

21. What are you most afraid of? R: losing the people we love N : *nods*

22. What do you usually wear? N: What I am wearing now.  *points at his Ranger suit* R: And when we are not wearing our uniform then it's mostly some casual clothing. Nothing special.

23. What’s one food that tempts you? R: Ice cream. Vanilla! N: Everything WITHOUT Raisins!

24. Am I annoying to you? R: maybe...a little? N: Sure not. Go on.

25. Well, it’s still not over! R: *sighs* ....why tho...? N:  go ahead

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)? R: Uhm...I would say middle? N: Ask me a better question. Am I a top or a bottom? R:  ...Nathan...NO. Stop it... N: What, brother? I just  want- R: Ma'am let's move on...

27. How many friends do you have? R: a few. But those are the ones you can count on. N: He's right....for once.. R: *gives him the silent f**k you*

28. What are your thoughts on pie? R: Pumpkin Pie. Oh yes! That's my thing. N: Apple Pie. As long as there are no raisins in it. You knew that some people...in Europe put those damn things in their pies? Why??? Why ruining a perfectly fine apple pie with raisins ?  *he really HATES raisins*

29. Favorite drink? R: I barely drink anything alcoholic. I'm more the soda kinda guy. Lemon Soda. N: Whiskey on the rocks.

30. What’s your favorite place? N: our Hometown R: *agrees with a nod*

31. Are you interested in anyone? R: Again...a very personal question... *still does not want to answer such question* N: Lady, I gave you already an answer to that.

32. That was a stupid question… R: indeed... N: ...

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean? R: Lake! N: You can't trust the ocean nowadays . I'd rather swim in a lake.  The only strange creature you can find in a lake is apparently my little brother. R: Lakes are not that safe... There are rumors going around that there is a giant turd floating in some lakes ... N: Ohhh OHHH I'm a giant turd now??? Really? That's all you can think of now??? How old are you again? Turd?? REALLY??

34. Okay okay... next question . What’s your type? N: only one type. And that type of woman will be waiting for me after this interview. R: Actually no special type. It depends on the person...

35. Any fetishes? N: I'm not gonna answer that. If I do, this interview will be banned all over this country including the states. I can ensure you that, Ma'am! R: I'm not gonna answer that either.

36. Camping or outdoors? R: Outdoors. Camping...is lame. I don't like it. N: Definitely Outdoors. Stargazing with my lady.

[finnlet]

Sans the skeleton went into a coffee shop on September 13th, 2019. He came in for a americano because it was one of the few things that warmed his cold heart. He took it black and added nothing special to it. He loved bitterness.

Then, he saw him. Kokichi Ouma. The Ultimate Supreme Leader. He felt something in his bones, an aching sensation to go meet him. He went to the barista and read his nametag.

"Hey.... Komaeda. give me a freakin' americano! no sugar, no creamer, just make it black and venti. thanks."

"um. ok. i'll get it going for you... sans"

"whatever."

Sans and Komaeda had been a couple back in 2015 but they broke up due to Komaeda cheating on him with another man named Hajime.

========

"S-SANS? IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. H-HE... UM..." komaeda screamed

"OH BUDDY YOu'RE SET TO HAVE A BAD TIME NOW. PREPARE YOURSELF" sans shouted.

sans threw a lamp at hajime, who ran out screaming and crying. komaeda moved out of sans' house and went to move in with hajime. oh well.

========

Sans went over to the little purple haired man who was sitting on his macbook writing an email.

"Hey... you look kinda cute. Wanna get sansy?" sans asked.

"what the fuck lol. are you cursed. im going to send a picture of u to korekiyo lmao. maybe he knows whats happening" ouma said, taking out his phone

"wha.... what the hell are you talking about" sans asked

"korekiyo knows about weird shit so he'd probably know what you are you cursed halloween decoration"

*snap*

ouma mumbled as he typed: "hey... dude .... look at this... weird shit at starbucks"

"Im not a decoration, i'm a skeleton." sans said.

"oh. So do skeletons have dicks."

"I can show you if you come back to my place later." sans said WITH A SMIRK.

"...I think i'll take you up on your offer. i've always been curious about what happens when all the flesh falls off  lol. TIME TO SEE SKELTON DIK." ouma shouted.

the other patrons of starbucks turned and looked at him.

saihara, who was hanging out with kaede, kaito, maki, kiibo, and korekiyo, ran over.

"Ouma shut the fuck up you're so loud and annoying." saihara said

"ok" ouma said

"hey who the hell are you. im trying to hook up with this dude and you're here yelling at him" sans growled. he was rumbling like a machine. his eye went blue.

"well if you really want to know I'm... Shuichi Saihara. They call me the Ultimate Detective, but... lol. you know, you give off the same awful aura that ouma gives me. two peas in a pod i guess" saihara said, eyeing sans.

*snapchat noficiation sound*

"...korekiyo is right there but he sent me a fucking snapchat message back. what a creep." ouma sighed. opening it, he huffed a HUGE GROAN.

"are you even a real fucking anthropologist? why do you know the history of farming but not skeletons." ouma shouted across the restaurant.

"BE QIET SIMPLETON." maki shouted back angrily. she was beyond pissed off.

“Har har har!” ouma laughed heartily.

“SANS? WILL YOU PLEEEEEASE PICK UP YOUR COFFEE. IT’S BEEN DONE FOR LIKE, 10 MINUTES NOW.” komaeda shouted through the microphone.

“Fucking hell ok” sans said, walking off. He picked it up and walked back over towards Ouma.

“That guys my ex. Hes kind of weird isnt he :) i threw a lamp at his boyfriend when they tried to cuck me. LOL” sans chortled. He sounded like a wind chime when he laughed.

“Komaeda is cool, he gives me free milk and cheese samples since I told him i’m an orphan from tokyo. What a fucking idit he is for believing me am i right?! i have my macbook pro and my iphone x AND MY AIRPODS, plus my ipad pro and these cool yeezys.” ouma laughed. he was so fucking sneaky.

“what do you use the ipad for if you already have a macbook” sans asked. he had nothing but an iphone x and some air jordans :/”

“I use that to watch family guy, WHA TTH EFUCK DO YOU THINK? Do you think i don’t like the best program of our time? I love seeing Peter Griffin appear on my screen. he fills me with lust. Dare say you that you…. dislike family guy?” ouma went on monologuing.

“n-no i didnt say i hated family guy i just-”

“ANDDD YOU’RE JUST LIKE KIBOY! HAR HAR HAR! He hates family guy! He can’t stand it. nobody at that noob table likes it. the only people who like family guy at my school are me, ryoma, angie, and himiko. Tenko watches it but only because she has a crush on lois. lol” ouma sighed.

the starbucks went quiet aside from the sipping sounds and weird ass pop music. today’s playlist included: “fake love” (A/N: STREAM FAKE LOVE :]), “two trucks”, and “like a farmer.”

ouma specifically requested this because he knew everyone hated the music, but komaeda felt bad for him and kept the same three songs on.

“Ouma Kokichi. One of your little friends over there just told me that you AREN’T AN ORPHAN?” komaeda said. he was crying.

“w-WHO. WHO SAID THAT LOL. IT’S A… THEY’RE LYING.” ouma shouted. he was so scared. he knew that komaeda had kept note of how much free starbucks shit he’d gotten and it was well over 4,500 dollar.s

“idk. that one.” komaeda pointed at kiibo.

“OHHH KIBOYYYYYYYYYY. He’s a robot, Nagito. You can’t trust Robots!” ouma laughed.

“That is blatant robophobia! I will report you to the proper starbucks authorities if you keep up this act Ouma!” kiibo shouted.

“shut up you ugly bag of bolts” ouma growled aggain.

kaede, korekiyo, and saihara looked alarmed. every day kiibo and ouma fought in the bathroom and caused some type of flooding to happen. once they lined up a bunch of fruits and vegetables and flooded the bathroom and they all ended up in the hallway.

“Kaede. Saihara. It’s been… nice, but I will leave now. I do not like being around Ouma.” korekiyo said.

“w-wait man donT LEAVE YET.” saihara said. he was sweating like a pig. he knew that kiibo liked having saihara on his side and ouma always punched himb (saihara) in the ribs to give him a bruise.

“yeah you shouldn’t leave yet…😀 please” kaede begged.

“You have Maki and Kaito. I’m fairly certain they can fight better than us.” korekiyo said, already halfway to the door.

“He’s right you know.” kaede said. she and saihara said goodbye through their tears and turned to ouma and kiibo again.

“MAN I’M ALL FIRED UP, CAN’T BELIEVE THAT OUMA IS FUCKIN’ AROUND WITH KIIBO AGAIN AND IN PUBLIC THIS TIME” kaito shouted. he was so full of energy because he had accidentally gotten coffee with extra sugar.

“kaito shut up” maki said.

“CAN’T STOP ME NOW…. IM HAVIN’ A GOOD TIME DON’T WANNA STOP AT ALL” kaito said. he did not know the lyrics right.

“c-can you guys please leave” said two men sitting in a booth. it was george michael and andrew ridgeley. they were visiting japan today for their tour and decided to get some unicorn frappuccinos to drink.

sans was staring in anticipation at everyone. ouma and kiibo were glaring at each other and komaeda could only watch in horror.

“Lets take this outside man. maybe it’ll rain and you’ll get rusty and die. LOL.” ouma screamed. he was in hysterics now.

“OH. YOU’VE DONE IT NOW. YES, WE’RE GOING TO FIGHT RIGHT NOW. OUTSIDE. SAIHARA, KAEDE, KAITO, MAKI, K…. where did korekiyo go” kiibo said

“He left bc you guys are fucked up” maki said. she wanted to leave when she saw ouma but didn’t have the heart to say it to everyone. ouma always ruined the plans.

“wha…. NO?” kiibo said. he cried one tear.

“>implying you can use everyone. YOU ONLY GET TWO OF THOSE PEOPLE ON YOUR TEAM DUMBASS.” ouma shouted

“t-team?!” saihara gasped. he was 💩ing bricks.

“for the BEST TEAM, i, kokichi Ouma, pick: kaito and maki. kiboy gets saihara and kaede! lmao have fun with weaklings.” ouma said.

“can you all leave already, you’RE SCARING THE CUSTOMERS AWAY AND ITS RUINING BUSINESS.” the manager (teruteru) said angrily.

“oh fuck off you ant.” ouma said, dragging everyone out into the back lot. komaeda and sans were dumbfounded. there was virtually no rehearsal for that.

CHAPTER TWO START:::

“Ouma you have insulted me for the last time. today is a new start. kaede, saihara, and i will now proceed to defeat you.” kiibo shouted. he was fucking confident in his abilities today.

“kiboy you will lose in one minute. im sorry to say it. wait, NO IM NOT. fucking hellion. seth mcfarlane personally blessed me with family guy so i am invincible.” ouma said.

“ouma do i have to help you. i dont want to fight my sidekick OR KAEDE. o-or KIIBO :)” kaito asked.

“yes shrimp. you must fight for me because i recruited you and that’s how this bullshit works. don’t worry though! it’ll only take one pow and kiboy will be knocked out because he’s rusty and old. NEEHEEHEE.” ouma was fucking laughing his ass off.

maki and kaito looked at each other and gave the most sorry looks to kaede and saihara. they honestly didn’t Want to help ouma because they thought he was a fucking asshole but ouma could blackmail them and potentially kill them. no risks. kaede and saihara knew this but were still hurt.

“Ouma I have a doctor’s appointment in like, 15 minutes. can i leave yet” kaede said.

“wha…? w-well… you’re goign to hav eto recruit someone else to fight in your place since saihara wouldn’t win against me in a million years lol.” ouma said. he was so fucking annoyed. he just wanted to punch kiibo already.