#‘it was an experiment’ so close babe that was assault

[beach-bear-enjoyer]

life if i just told him no the first time

[d6volution]

Nascent

Jax/Reader. [Fem alinged reader.]

tags: oral sex, virginity, loss of virginity, established relationships, soft(?) jax, fluff, and smut, jax has a tongue.

Also found on my Ao3 | 2k words.

minors dni.

Jax's gloved fingers tip toed up your side, and you shivered.

"What's wreckin' ya mind dollface, you're bein a little too quiet tonight." You shuffled on the bed before rolling onto your side to face him. "Thinking too much.. I miss home. Being stuck here.. sucks." Jax was silent as you spoke, but a lazy smile was atill present on his lips. "Mnh. Yeeaaahh.. never gets old does it?" Jax laid on his back, hands folded behind his head now. 

You took this chance to lay on his chest, nuzzling him a little. He grinned , but before he could say something sly you spoke up instead— 

"Jax, I ... think I wanna try it." You mumbled into his chest. 

"Mhmm.. try what?" His eyes were closed now. He was clearly relaxing, and your words weren't exactly clicking right now. 

"It.. you know.. I just need something to take my mind off of things and—" Jax suddenly sat up , his chest bumping into your nose. His hands were on your shoulders, steading you. "You're not messin' with me, are ya? I'd like to think I've been really respectful of your boundaries lately, ya know." It sounded like he didn't believe you, but he was trying his hardest not to sound like an ass. He got a few gropes in here and there but never pushed you farther than you wanted to go. 

"I'm.. serious. We'll just take it slow.." You said and felt your cheeks growing warm at the thought of being intimate with him. You've thought about it a lot but always chickened out.

"I dunno toots, I'm not sure I could hold bac—..." His hand was gliding up your back, but you shot him a look and he chuckled. Raising his hands in his defense. "Alright, alright slow it is.." After all he doesn't have to move fast to drive you crazy anyways. 

"W.. Well how do we.. start? It's.. not like I can make out you.. I think." Right, you guys always exchange nuzzles instead. But Jax rolls his eyes and adjusts himself on the bed, "Just lay back will ya? I'll lead the way." 

You swallowed and did like he said, falling to the plush of your bed and you felt his hands on your legs. Spreading them apart , you were resisting a little and he paused. "C'mon , I said I'd be gentle and I will babe. Scouts honor." He crossed his heart before grinning down at your nervous form. 

"S.. Sorry, I haven't even been this far in the real world no less the digital.." You said embarrassed by your lack of experience. Hoping Jax wouldn't tease you too badly, but he seemed to be taking your feelings into consideration. 

"Digital or not , I'm glad ya happened to save yourself for me. Now let me show you how much I appreciate that.. yeah?" He removed your lower clothing and the cold air hitting your skin caused you to shiver. You swore you saw his eyes grow dark for a moment but you didn't have a chance to analyze his expression too much before he yanked you a little by your ankles down the bed and closer to him. "Eep..!"  His head was in between your legs now, and you felt something wet running along your thighs, "Jax !?" 

"Mmn? I'm in the middle of something doll—" 

"I.. Is that your ..tongue..!?" You cut him off and he chuckled you could feel his breath against your skin but he didn't answer. Continuing his assault on your thighs until the wet muscle finally found your folds and you stiffened up, trying to move away from the strange and new sensation but his hands pulled you back gently. "Mnh.. listen , babe. Ya gotta let me know if I'm doin' somethin' wrong alright?" He lifted his head, leaving your cunt clenching and aching for more.

"N.. No, I..I'm sorry I was just surprised— I didn't know you could.. it doesn't matter just continue.. please." You turned your head to the side, avoiding his intense eye contact.

"Before that, give me a word. So....ya know. I'll know when to stop," He said , still admiring your more vulnerable position right now.

"Uh.." You can't think, your mind clouded by the ever growing lust bubbling in your core. "I.. I don't know.. uh, circus!"

He scoffed, clearly amused. "How original." 

"Ha. Ha. I can't really think right now, Jax– aahh..!" Your hips bucked as his tongue flicked against that sensitive bean hidden between your folds. Oh, he liked that noise. A little too much, and now he needed more. And he a knew a trick that would keep you singing so sweetly for him. 

He licked and flicked at your clit before flatting his long tongue against you dragging his tongue agonizingly slow along your puffy cunt before pulling back, maybe because your thighs were crushing his head now. "Look toots, I know I'm rockin your world here but ya gotta keep those legs open for me yeah?" He said in a somewhat strained voice, prying your legs apart again.

You nodded, your eyes glossy with tears. You were so needy in this moment that you'd do anything he'd ask. "Close 'em again and I'll stop, how about that for a little motivation.~" His voice was playful but, you knew he was serious and that made your insides twist a little.

"Th.. That isn't fair Jax..!" You whined and kept your legs spread even so, though they trembled and you felt even more exposed keeping them open yourself rather him holding them apart.

"Pleaaasee. To be honest, I think it's perfectly fair. You told me to take slow, not that I couldn't be a little mean.. isn't that what ya love about me after all?" He said in a breathy tone, before his eyes were on your cunt again.

"You're gorgeous ya know that? Don't.. tell anyone I said that. Compliments are like currency here." He said with a tad bit of annoyance lacing his tone, "I only wanna spend that on you .." He muttered before lowering himself to go down on you again. 

But this time, he was purposely being more attentive. His tongue even diving into your cunt, wiggling its way into your tight hole. And a thick finger sliding inside, you yelped and your legs threatned to close around his head but you forced to yourself to hold your trembling thighs apart. Having his finger to clench down on made it easier to cause friction and push you closer to climax.

Tears spilled over your cheeks from the stimulation and frustration. 

"Mmn... mmf.." Jax moaned against your sopping wet cunt, removing his finger and using his tongue instead.. thrusting it in and out of your hole. His lidded eyes bored into your skull, you looked delicious to him when you cried.

You couldn't take it, your body jolted and legs locked around his head as you came. Soiling his face in the process. "Hh.. Hhaa..! Damn it.." 

Jax tutted as he lifted his head, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Ya didn't keep your legs open at the end there.. Hm, I'm not sure I should let you get away with that." The tone of his voice was playful. He grins, that shit eating grin while staring at you as he climbed atop your quivering body. You were clearly still coming down from your high. 

"H..Huh..? Jax.. I couldn't help it.." You sighed, chest heaving up and down. "Please.." You reached out for his hand and he allowed you, still speaking as his gloved thumb rubbed the back of your hand gently. 

"Yeah, yeah of course you couldn't.. .I'm good at what I do after all," He said and kneeled in front of your spread legs. "But, we can agree ya need just a little punishment right?" He took your intertwined hands and locked them atop your head, leaving you a little exposed and vulnerable to his touch. 

Pulling his cock from his overalls with the opposite hands, he started stroking it slowly. "But, I'll be gentle like ya said.." He gives a wink before leaning down and nuzzling the side of your face reassuringly. It's all apart of the bit, "You ready for this?" He whispered, making sure you were okay to move forward. 

You were soaked between your legs. More than ready but still a little nervous. "Ready.." You agreed quietly, the tension in the air was palpable. 

You should be relaxed after his reassurance, but the size of his cock resting in his hand was making your body tense and cunt clench around nothing.. in both anticipation and a dash of fear. 

He rubbed the thick tip against your sopping wet hole, and dragged it against your clit, teasing you. "Gentle.. yeeah... mn.." He muttered, getting lost in this bit of pleasure. "So good for me.."

Gentle. Slow. Teasing. 

Fuck, you couldn't take it. He had to be grinding against your cunt for two minutes straight now. 

"Jax..please..please just put it in.." 

"Mmn. Don't worryy..  I'll take of care ya, make you feel reeaal good.." "He said and let go of your hands as he focused on lining himself up with your hole, his tip nudged at your tight hole. Slipping a few times when he tried to push forward, "Too fuckin' tight doll, hold on yeah..? Your cute cunt seems to need some convincing.." He thrusted forward rather hard, a few inches finally pushing past the resistance in your cunt. 

"Jax..!" You yelped in pain, a burning sensation was felt in between your legs and he shushed you, staying completely still. "Hey, hey.. I've got ya, I'm right here.. breathe doll." He said and watched your expressions.. so determined to take him, yet so vulnerable. It made him throb inside of you.

After a several seconds you finally spoke. "Y.. You can move now.." 

He was trying so hard to hold back, it's been forever since he was buried in a pussy. So once you gave him the okay he began to move, albeit slow. More inches sunk into your wet hole. Causing your back to arch a little, "Nngh..." Jax was grunting in your ear until he finally bottomed out inside of you, "There we go, nice and deep in there... ya feel that? Feel me?" He said as his hand traced your stomach just long your belly button.

"So big .. Jax.. feels good.." You panted out, unintentionally bucking your hips forward. "Mmn.. I know doll, Im gonna move alright..?" He said and you nodded, arms around his neck now as he started to slide in and out of you, lewd squishing noises and soft moans and grunts filled the room. You were both lost in the pleasure, your body relaxing more and Jax becoming a bit more rough.

"Yeah.. nngh.. ju-just like that ... take it .." He panted out, taking one of your legs and placing it on his shoulder, his hips were a blur now but your expressions and cries of pleasure was all the reassurance he needed to keep drilling into your cunt. 

Your mind felt cloudly with lust, but that unmistakable knot in your stomach was only getting tighter, threatening to burst. He could feel you, and took this opportunity to draw gentle circles along your clit, "T.. There ya go.. wanna come for me, c'mon.." He egged you on , rolling his hips deep into your cunt. His full weight accompanied each hard thrust.

You tried to hold on , but he knew how to hit every sensitive spot. Over and over. His hips slapping against yours , the sound of your bodies colliding rung in your ears.

"Ffuuahh Jax, gonna co.. come .. gonna..!!" You whined, nails digging into his back as you held him close. Cunt clamping down on his size hard. His own hips stuttered, "D..Damn it, doll.. ya tryna milk me or something..?" He sighed as he spilled into your cunt, unable to resist the way you clamped down onto him. 

He gave a few more shallow thrust, forcing back in the cum that threatned to spill out. "You're perfect.." He sighed out, clearly spent and slowly pulling out of your twitching hole.

"Mmn.. thank you Jax, for this.." You kissed his cheek and out of all things, that seemed to make him flush a little. 

"Don't sweat it.. let's," He cleared his throat, "Get you cleaned up alright.. I'll run a bath," 

"Can't we cuddle for a bit first..?" 

Jax froze and rubbed his neck, "Look toots, I'm not sure about gettin all cuddled up on cum stained sheets," He rose his hands, "Hey, but if thats what you're into I'm not one to kinksh– oof." You tossed a pillow at his face, and he chuckled. 

"Heh, like I thought, now let's get all cleaned up first, then I'll cuddle all you'd like doll.

"Sound like a deal?" 

[weepingcoquette]

Let Me || Callum Turner x Reader

Summary: Callum just wants you to experience what he can give you

Warnings: softdom!Callum, smut, face sitting, size difference, slight dubcon(just a teeny weeny bit), 

Word count: 1.2k

|*|

From behind you, a deep hum rumbled  through your body making you feel like you were vibrating. A heavy weight settled on your ribs and warmth spread throughout your drowsy body. You could feel his breath against your bare shoulders becoming more erratic as he woke. Before long, soft kisses were being pressed into your skin and his arms were tightening around you. 

“I know you’re awake,” he chuckled deeply. 

You could feel the bass of his voice in your chest. His large body was wrapped around you like a very large blanket. His hand spreading fully, covering over your stomach. You could still smell his body wash from the night before. 

“Baby,” he groaned, placing his head in the crook of your neck. 

Met with more silence, he leaned back slightly, a pout forming on his lips. It was quiet before you felt cool air hitting your ear followed by nips on your earlobe. All your resolve wasn’t enough, it tickled too much. 

“Callum,” you giggled. “Cut it out.” 

“I knew it,” he laughed, kissing your neck and holding you close. 

You squealed out in delight as he continued kissing you, the large man overtaking you quite easily. He hovered over you, placing one last kiss on your lips before retreating. You both breathed out, slightly winded by the playful activity and needing to catch your breath. Your eyes maintained eye contact and you saw that Callum was trying to hide his eagerness, but it was like he had an invisible tail wagging.

As you continued to catch your breath your mind wandered to the promise you made him last night. That, after weeks of asking, you’d sit on his face if he beat you at Connect 4. If. 

You thought it would lay it to rest, after all, you were the best. No one had ever beaten you. Ever. Yet, if there’s a will there’s a way and Callum ended up beating you after a long 30-minute game. You were able to push it back to the following morning, though. 

And now that time was upon you. 

Your eyes trailed up to the roof, the ceiling mirror reflecting you and your boyfriend’s forms and your nervous expression. 

“Callum, I don’t know,” you sighed, your gaze returning to him. 

“You’re not backing out are you,” Callum frowned, his accent coming out a little more. “Babe, you promised. I could make you feel so good.” 

“I just-,”

“Let me make you feel good,” he groaned as he leaned down to kiss you. “Let me, my love.”

He trailed down to your stomach, nipping and kissing the skin leaving small marks in his wake. His hands flowed all over your body, caressing and gripping at your flesh. As he descended down your body, his hands and lips left a trail of red marks in their wake. The contrast against your soft skin was almost electrifying as he continued to kiss and bite his way lower. His hands roamed possessively over your curves, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. Every movement was calculated and purposeful, sending a clear message of desire and need.

“Please,” he begged.

The way his lips moved against your skin was both loving and hungry. Each kiss left a faint red mark on your skin. His hands roamed over you with such ease, tracing every curve and dip of your body. As he trailed down to your hips, his intense gaze never left yours.

Callum's lips were full and pink, moving against your skin in a slow and deliberate dance. As he trailed down your stomach, you could see the slight red marks left by his nipping. His hands were large and lean, their movements purposeful and tinged with desire.

“Oh, my love,” he groaned into the skin of your inner thigh, his fingers hooking on your underwear and pulling down. “Please.”

You only sighed in pleasure as he continued his assault. You bit your lip, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. You were always hesitant when it came to trying new things, but there was something about the way Callum looked at you when he promised to make you feel good that made you want to trust him. Taking a deep breath, you nodded, closing your eyes and bracing yourself for what was to come.

Your heart rate increased as he pressed his face against your core, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine. His hands reached up and grabbed your thigh, placing it on his shoulder. He kissed your thigh towards your core but never fully touched where you wanted him. Your mind only focused on pleasure, you began to circle your hips, searching for Callum. 

“There we go,” he agreed. “Don’t think baby. Just focus on me.”

Before you realised you were straddling his hips as he kept your mind off of what was happening with firm touches and strategic kisses placed on your inner wrist. 

Your heart was pounding in your chest, a mix of fear and a little excitement. 

You felt his hand and arms travel under you, looping around your thighs and pulling you up to his head. Your breath hitched as you hovered over him, heat blazing in your ears and cheeks. Gentle kisses were delivered to the inside of your thigh to comfort you. 

The warmth of his breath against your skin made your core clench in need. His fingers lightly traced circles on the skin of your butt before gripping slightly to pull you down unto him, stopping when he felt resistance. 

“Don’t fight me, my dear,” he frowned. “Let me taste you.”

You breathed out harshly trying to release your tense muscles but finding difficulty. 

“I can’t-”

“Relax,” he commanded calmly. “Let me take care of the rest. 

His thumb went back to rubbing gentle circles on your ass, going back to placing kisses on your thighs. The moment he felt tension release, even for a second, he took his chance. He pulled you down harshly, his mouth connecting with your clit causing you to cry out in pleasure. His arms bulged as he held you in place. 

The sensation was overwhelming, and you gasped his name. His hands gripped your hips as he pulled you closer to him, allowing his tongue to explore new territories. You began to grind against his face, continuing to seek out the searing white feeling he was giving you.

“Yes,” he growled into your cunt. “That’s it, use me.” 

Gaining the confidence to look at him, you shifted your gaze down, and what you’re met with almost made you cum right there. 

Callum's face was rosy with arousal and a hint of sweat glistened on his brow, his freckles standing out more prominently against his pale skin. His eyes were fixated on your now swollen and glistening pussy, almost as if he was mesmerised by it. His long dark lashes fluttered slightly as he took in the sight before him. And when he smiled, it was almost blinding, with the glint of your essence making them shimmer in the light.

“I knew you’d like it,” he whispered coyly into your cunt, his accent thick. 

|*|

A/n: Feedback is welcomed!!

[dapperapple]

Mike's crush on El does not necessarily contradict him being gay rather than bi

I wanna start off by clarifying that if you see Mike Wheeler as bisexual rather than gay, THAT'S 1000% VALID don't let anyone take that from you babe

this is just my perspective as a lesbian who thought she was definitely straight until the end of 10th grade (age 16, a bit older than Mike and Will are in canon)

I was rewatching a lot of scenes from the show, mainly s2 and s3, to see if I thought that Mike's feelings for El came across as weird/forced or if their relationship felt off

and honestly it left me (a Byler shipper) pretty confused at first

because YES there are a lot of odd things about his feelings and their relationship

BUT ALSO

there are a few moments that are so cute and feel so genuine I didn't know what to do with them for a sec

mainly all the scenes where they're together at the Snowball dance

because that shit seems real to me, it's cute as fuck, that is a Mileven win right there if there ever was one

and honestly, the forehead touch when she and the Byers are about to leave, and again when they reunite in s4

dude that shit is so sweet okay

(Mileven shippers are valid even if I disagree with it for the narrative)

ANYWAYS here's where my personal experience comes in to help out with my confusion over this

Mike in s1 feels the most obviously comp-het to me

because I had a big crush on a boy in kindergarten, another in gr2/3

I didn't even know what gay people were, I knew girls liked boys, so if a boy was my friendly, and nice to me instead of mean, I probably would've liked him or thought I liked him

Mike in seasons 2-4 reminds me of myself in gr7/8

the most intense crush I had on a guy was in gr7/8

I was more used to being friendly with guys at this point but this guy was becoming a close friend of mine

a cute confident guy who was nice, funny, and taking an active interest in me as a person was like wooaahh

I really do believe that Mike unintenionally idolized El, putting her up on this pedestal, with his self esteem all wrapped up in her liking him back

but I also don't think that's his fault, when you're young you don't know any better

the pressure to date starts to increase a bit, and low self esteem is kicking your ass

I did the exact same thing with the guy I liked, I had this whole other version of him in my head and I started liking him less and less the more he didn't act like that ideal

(insert Mike's behavior towards El after she assaulted Angela)

even after I figured out that the kind of person and the kind of connection I wanted in a relationship was something I was far more likely to find with a girl, I still thought I was straight, so it just made me kind of sad

like- I had resigned myself to the fact that I would struggle to find a guy that I TRULY liked

maybe it was lingering internalized homophobia, idk, I had lots of gay friends, but I just hadn't felt that way about any girl at all before, I didn't think I was capable of being attracted to girls

and then there was her

we became very close friends, she was such a kind person, so fucking funny, an incredibly skilled artist, and absolutely gorgeous

and it finally clicked

finally my mind registered the fact that I COULD be attracted to girls

I still consider her my first love

and then there was no turning back

WHICH IS WHY

I wouldn't be surprised AT ALL if it takes Will coming out to Mike/the party in order for him to consider Will romantically

not because he isn't already in love with him subconsciously

but because I don't think he has registered it as a possibility for EITHER of them

moral of the story:

COMPULSIVE HETEROSEXUALITY IS REAL GUYS AND IT CAN FEEL MORE REAL THAN YOU'D EXPECT

especially since when you're young, the differences between boys and girls (both physically and how we're socialized) are much less apparent

MIKE WHEELER I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE (because me too!!)

[nknoxe-n]

◅You call that breakfast?▻

Synopsis: Shidou decides to make you breakfast in bed, too bad his idea of 'breakfast' is atrocious

Warnings: [Shidou himself is always a warning]

w.c 800

The early morning sun peeked through your curtains, its gentle warmth tugging you from sleep. The faint sound of clinking and shuffling echoed from the direction of the kitchen, immediately setting off alarm bells in your groggy mind. Before you could fully process what was happening, Ryusei barged into your bedroom with a tray in hand, a mischievous grin plastered across his face.

“Good morning, sugar tits!” He exclaimed, plopping the tray onto the bed with an exaggerated tone.

You blinked at him, still half-asleep, before glancing at the tray. On it sat an alarming assortment of items: a half-eaten bag of spicy chips, a handful of gummy bears arranged in a smiley face, a can of soda, and what appeared to be a sandwich… if sandwiches were made with two slices of bread and nothing in between.

“Ta-da!” he announced proudly, throwing his hands in the air like he’d just scored the winning goal in a championship game. “A gourmet breakfast, handcrafted with love by yours truly. Go ahead, dig in!”

You gave him a deadpan look. “Ryu… this is not breakfast. This is.. Chaos on a plate.”

“Chaos?” he gasped, clutching his chest like you’d mortally wounded him. “You wound me, babe. This is art. Picasso would weep at the beauty of this spread.!”

You raised an eyebrow, suppressing a laugh. “Picasso didn’t make food.”

“Exactly!” he retorted as if what he was trying to say was plain obvious, leaning in close with that signature manic sparkle in his eyes. “That’s what makes this better. Now, taste it before I cry.”

Knowing there was no winning against him, you sighed and picked up a gummy bear, popping it into your mouth. “Happy now?”

His grin widened as he plucked a chip from the bag and held it to your lips. “Not until you’ve tried everything. Open up, babe.”

You rolled your eyes but obliged, crunching down on the chip. It was absurdly spicy, the heat immediately hitting your tongue. You coughed, reaching for the soda, but Shidou snatched it away with a devilish laugh.

“Ah-ah, no drinks until you finish the sandwich,” he teased, holding the can just out of reach.

“Shidou Ryusei,” you said, your voice a warning.

“What? I’m just trying to make sure you enjoy the full experience,” he replied innocently, his grin anything but.

You shook your head, suppressing a laugh, and reached for the soda again. This time, you managed to snatch it from his grasp, triumphantly cracking it open.

Before you could take a sip, Shidou leaned closer, his face suddenly inches from yours. “Careful,” he whispered, his voice low and teasing. “That soda’s not just any soda. It’s infused with the magic of my love. One sip, and you might fall even harder for me~”

You froze for a moment, caught off guard by the intensity in his gaze, before bursting into laughter. “Shidou, you’re unbelievable.”

“And you’re adorable,” he shot back without missing a beat. “So, who’s really winning here?”

Deciding to play along, you took a dramatic sip of the soda, giving him a mock-thoughtful look. “Hmm. Nope. Tastes like regular soda to me. Guess your magic didn’t work.”

He gasped, clutching at his chest like you’d just delivered a fatal blow. “Babe, how could you? My love isn’t regular! Take it back!”

“Nope.” You smirked, leaning back against the pillows, savoring your tiny victory.

Shidou, of course, couldn’t let that slide. He dove forward, tackling you onto the mattress with a laugh. “Oh, you’re asking for it now!” he declared, tickling your sides until you were squirming and crying with laughter.

“Okay, okay!” you wheezed between giggles. “Your love isn’t regular! It’s… it’s premium or whatever! Stop- you'll spill the food hah!”

“Damn right it is.” He stopped his assault, grinning triumphantly as he flopped down beside you and picked up the tray, only to set it aside on the nightstand. He turned back to you and pulled you close, his arm slung around your shoulders as he pressed a kiss to your temple.

For a few moments, everything stilled. You rested your head against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat steady and comforting. He glanced down at you, his earlier playfulness softening into something gentler.

“Y’know,” he murmured, brushing a stray hair from your face, “you’re kind of my favourite person. Thanks for putting up with my crap.”

You looked up at him, your heart-warming at the sincerity in his voice. “You’re lucky you’re cute, Ryusei,” you teased, poking his cheek.

He laughed, the sound loud and unrestrained, just like him. “Lucky? Babe, I’m blessed. I’ve got you.”

And as much as you wanted to roll your eyes at his cockiness, you couldn’t help but smile. Shidou Ryusei might be a lot of things—Erratic, devious, and downright ridiculous—but moments like this reminded you why you wouldn’t have him any other way.

[echantedtoon]

The Hand That Guides

Gentle words sweetened by poison. Kind smile hiding sharpened teeth. Kind touches laced with sins gripped in fists. Halo being held up by devil horns. The wolf under sheep's clothing wasn't even a wolf but a monster twisted and exotic hiding within a wolf's fur to disguise itself as a normal menace. A monster who hunts but also feels and desires.

What the desire wants will not rest until he has you once more.

(Basically my Roleswap Demon King Kagaya x Reader. Was curious about writing something for a demon Kagaya Ubuyashiki anyways.  Will contain quotes from Pinterest.

Warnings for yandere-ish themes, death/dead body/cannibalism/blood/pregnancy mentions.)

tagging: @lavenderdropp

The cold winds on the outside of the shutters best them against the glass causing a rattling sound to fill the small house like winter itself was beating on your door DEMANDING to be let inside. The cold seemed to seep into your bones despite the fact that you were sat right in front of the fire crackling away, and a thick wool blanket draped over your shoulders.

Your grasp upon the blanket became tighter than before as you cowered ever further from the rattling sounds of the shutters against glass and the wind howling demanding entry. Your response was to try and block it out by cowering your head beneath the blankets and curling up hoping that it would spare you and leave you be. Unfortunately your mind still plagued yourself with memories of that man. The one who was responsible for all your suffering.

You hadn't realized that you had married a monster.

Your husband had always been so doting and attentive to your every need and despite his supposedly fragile state and oddities, you never felt that you were the least bit neglected or unfortunate. However you had no idea of the wolf under sheep's clothing.

He was a selfish man.. There's no question about that. From the very moment you were approached by a servant of his, offering you a position for a caregiver to a seemingly terminally ill man, you had gotten the feeling that he must've been nice from how fondly the messenger had spoken of his master. You being the daughter of the local doctor and herbalist seemed to be the perfect option for a caretaker. It's not like you didn't have experience having helped take care of the patients that stayed in your father's care before. 

The pay offered seemed like a trick, and you sought out this supposed man who was so generous.

You hadn't been lied to when they had spoken about this man being quite pathetic. For all his wealth and power owning such a large estate, he looked about as healthy as a dead flower, as pathetic as a lame horse, and as helpless as a newborn babe. 

The room he was always confined to was dark. Like unusually, unnecessary dark. No windows to be had, with the only source of light being a single candle sitting upon a desk leaned up on the far wall. With strained eyes and a poor excuse for light, you had been surprised by the sight of film white orbs open and staring back at you.

He was blind as well as sick.

Not that it surprised you too much. Sometimes extreme illnesses can have an affect on the body such as loss of senses, but you hadn't been expecting such a sight of damaged purple skin, most of which was wrapped up in so many bandages that you were sure you'd been tricked into seeing a dead body until said body turned his head to you and smiled warmly despite his pathetic state.

"Good evening. You must be the person who's been chosen to care for me. Come in but please close the door behind you. My skin is sensitive to the light."

He could sit up, he could walk. Slowly and barely able too. But what seemed most peculiar was his voice. Despite the constant assault of coughing fits which sometimes drew blood, his voice was always smooth and lovely as if his throat wasn't damaged at all.

That should've been the first sign that something wasn't quite right.

Instead you thought nothing of it in the moment taken by the strange but erepheal aura about him. Perhaps that's what was so drawing about him. Despite everything  he had power, wealth, and seemingly any luxury with just a snap of his fingers, he couldn't enjoy any part of it due to the confinement of his 'conditions'.

"I unfortunately inherited a terminal illness that runs in my family," he had explained to you in such a way that didn't seem to bother him one bit. As if he had accepted death itself as his bedside companion. It took you off back. "Unfortunately it has spread so much that my world has gone dark. It worsens whenever I touch light. Sunlight specifically."

"I've never heard of such an illness being affected by light."

"Oh no. You see I just sunburn very easily, and with such a weakened immunity it takes ages for me to even heal a common bruise. So you may imagine how much trouble sensitive skin has healing sunburns."

The fact you had never heard such a thing should've been another indicator something was off, but if someone was weak then it wasn't impossible for them to be more sensitive to things or to have trouble healing when compared to a normal person with a healthy body. 

He was a prisoner. A prisoner trapped within a world of darkness by him eyes and an eternity of sickness by his body yet being surrounded by anything the most common man would kill to have. Truly ironic. It was like a starving man being served a King's banquet only to never be able to eat because he had no teeth. Perhaps it was partially the pity you felt for him and partially the pay he generously offered that drove you into accepting to be his bedside nurse. Looking back now, it was just as likely it was his words so honeyed that even a queen bed would be disgusted by it. 

Those dammed words.

The words that despite soothed and offered comfort where others' seeked to get it, a man like him was bound to be disliked. It was only to be expected. Society was not kind to those who didn't fit in the general standard for what a man should be. The weakened and sick were victims of that you were afraid. Too many times you've seen people abandon their loved ones into the limited care of your father no desire to care for their sick and/or dying loved ones. Elderly left alone to care for themselves and many babies just left crying on the doorsteps of the local monastery. 

Even born into the world's most fortunate circumstances did not stop the disgust those people feel. The maids whom came to clean up his room and change his bedding once a day, as ordered by your father during one of his routine check ups suggesting a cleaner space would be better for his health, they seemed annoyed by the repeated room clean daily. Making a few not so quiet comments on how before the last head of the estate died they weren't forced into doing a tedious job every day wasting time.

That's how you learnt that the mysterious master whom simply called himself 'Kagaya', had not even been the original Master of his estate but had inherited it from his 'relative' whom had died under 'mysterious circumstances' and came to live here. 

The strangeness surrounding him was as present as the obvious displeased feelings  everyone had to the shift of ownership within the estate and whatever few changes that the master had ordered to make disrupting the order of things. Perhaps that's why he had to seek outside help to care for him? It became quite apparent that no one here was willing to help him. Barely anyone interacted with him outside of the daily cleaning and delivering of food. You had the heart wrenching realization that none of the people here wanted nothing more than to watch him waste away from existence.

A sad existence that no one cares about.

If anyone else was in your position as well, that's what they'd feel too. Not caring about him. Just FOR him in exchange for the money he offered until he passed away and they would no longer be given the gleeful jingling of coins.

What kind of man like him deserved such a fate?

A man whom was fated for misery but who's pleasant smile and kind soul wasn't deserving of the cruelty he received. So you would decide that you would care. Until he succumbed to his illness, you'd care about him not for him. Slowly his entire care transferred to you. Daily clean up and fetching food was nothing wasted on him. Bringing him documents for running of the estate or helping him walk to the bathroom were nothing. 

However you shouldn't have been blinded to the way his body never shook or felt weak under your hands despite the slow pace he walked. How slowly he moved, how calculated he seemed to carry himself was not that of a sick or blind man. No fumbling or stumbling was unnatural..

Yet you carried out your tasks like the devoted carer you were. But it would be one incident that would change date. Stir destiny with a spoon of change of direction and boil it in the pot of deception.

On the night in question he was most unwell. His illness was flaring up causing him the worst of his symptoms. According to the ones whom were here longest this wasn't the first time he had a night like this, but no one else but a called doctor had come to care for him too afraid to be tainted by the blood seeping from his gasping mouth. But a kinder deck of cards had been laid up on the table when he thrashed upon the ground coughing like his throat was gripped from the inside out. Your hands had done what no other servant or person had ever dared.

And something else had stabbed him in his chest sharper than any nicherin blade.

She had cared for him. Her touch was one that was unfamiliar to him. It had that smile from his face as he was mystified with many thoughts. Her touch was one not driven by obligation at that moment but a need to comfort and care. It was the most loving touch he had ever felt in his life. 

That night you had cradled his upper body to stop him from hitting the floor during his planned tremors he had felt it. The warmth of your body, the driven way you rushed to stop him from flailing like a fish out of water-

From that moment, he WANTED. ...no. HE NEEDED YOU! You were so kind. So innocent. So...so..

R A D I A N T.

More addicting than even the fresh blood of a marechi. His first instinct was to just take you away and lock you up for himself but that seemed too cruel. He didn't want to taint your beautiful visage. No, no. You had been too kind as to deserve such a thing. And he was anything but a cruel man to his children and those he surrounded himself with.

So he took a route that was promising to be more long term. A heart was a sensitive thing. As easily swayed as it was passionate or as cold as it could become. 

"Y/n, do you believe in love despite the most impossible odds?"

You hadn't known how to respond when he had grabbed your hand with surprising strength and asked you such a thing. However you did respond with a nod. "I suppose so yes. Love is after all unpredictable. Why do you ask?"

"What would you say to a patient falling in love with their doctor?"

"I would say that it wouldn't be love but gratitude and positive attachment for the person. A lot of patients misinterpret it for love."

"Ah. But the heart can be right couldn't it?"

"It could also be wrong. Sometimes our imagination runs wild."

"Ah. But hearts are wild creatures. That's why our ribs are cages."

At first you had just waved him off not thinking twice about the not so subtle hints being displayed by him. It wasn't uncommon for patients to display attachment for their carers, misplaced gratitude as your father always called it. However you weren't anticipating the bear trap laced with loving touches already set for you.

Soft touches. The way his hand always hovering, seeking to hold yours when it wasn't busy. Eyes despite glossed over in white, you felt could see straight through you so lovingly. A smile on his face that no other man had offered. Genuine, warm, and so soft. 

Erepheal. Inhumanly so. Coming out with softened words of gratitude and thanks. You were stupid to fall for such a honey trap and let yourself be drawn into a wolf's jaws like a rabbit ready to die. Much to your stupidity, much to his delight.

He loved it when you willingly hugged him. Kissed him. Embraced him and all his quirks. Laughed in his presence. Didn't scoff off his words or look on in disgust from his outside appearance and what he had chosen for his disguised life. Tugging off a few heart strings like plucking the strings of a shamisen to have her leaning into his touch. Having her hold him within her lap and listening to her heart beats. A serenity that his centuries of living craved to have. The hand that guided her to the question that open the door of opportunity.

"My dear, I have need for you. For you are the only one that can fulfill my wish."

"What are you referring to?"

"I am in need of a wife and way to continue my legacy. As you can quite imagine, most would rather lie with a wild boar than to simply touch me. However you..Not only have you willingly shown not to be deterbed by the sight of me but seemed to actually enjoy my company which is a far cry from most."

"Me? Marry you?"

"Oh, I know. It is a rather sudden and surprising thing to ask out of nowhere so I'm not surprised by your reaction, but I do promise you that I can provide you with whatever you may need at my disposal. I may not be the most desirable husband but I promise you that I can give you all of me."

"I think you're asking me because you feel pressured to marry soon."

"You can not deny that we have something between us." A tight hand squeeze. "You don't have to answer now. Think it over first before you decide anything permanent."

How foolish you were.

"I do."

Those were the two words that you spoke promising your life with him. Sealed together forever and all it took was him getting you a pretty ring and having a ceremony at night with you guiding him out to the garden where the requested priest was waiting.

It was perfect.

Perhaps that's why he slipped up.

He became too comfortable. Got too used to his separate lives being intertwined yet separate that he allowed the mistake to happen. It wasn't until it was too late for you to turn back from the sweet kisses and gentle touches. A comfort in ways you never felt before. So you thought nothing about it. The red flags. The warning signs. The out of place things. He always took care of you so there was no reason to think that he was anything but caring.

So when you found out that you were expecting, you were over the moon. So you wanted to inform your husband as soon as possible! His reaction was expected. Shock. More shocked than a normal human man. You didn't think twice when you interrupted his sleep to which he specifically asked you never to interrupt. 

Usually you had never bothered him with anything during those days he simply requested a servant to bring him food. But your blindness to the other side was what drove you forward. Calling out to him and announcing your arrival before he knew what was happening-

"I'm pre-"

His body had frozen up. The door sliding open for the bloodshed on the other side to become revealed. Blood splattered amongst the floor and pooled around a cadaver long since dead in the middle of the room.

And the shocked face of the monster covered in blood staring back at her.

Red copper smelling liquid drenched all over his shocked face and upper torso from the meal interrupted. His eyes as wide as plates. The horrified shriek screeching out of the woman washed over him in horrified realization. The creature vaguely resembling the form of her husband slowly stood up. To do what, the woman wasn't sure. But instincts took over any rational thought as she turned and RAN. Ran like her life depended on it out of the house and into the daytime passing confused neighbors and surprised strangers looking up at the sudden woman shrieking and running like hell itself was biting at her heels. It was that day a horrible realization had been revealed to her shattering reality itself.

Your husband had been a man eating demon this entire time.

Kagaya had been standing there, hunched over the unmoving cadaver like some monstrous animal rabid with hunger. Red stained his clothes and splattered against his skin. Dripping down from the shocked face and falling to his crimson dipped hands like sick hell's rain. The face of a million smiles now sharpened like blades to cut flesh.

You shrieked out loud enough to warrant the action of anyone around you. You had ended up running clear out of the estate until you had reached your father a hysterical mess, gasping for air as your body shook from fear of the thing that you saw. You couldn't go back. Not now that you knew about the truth of the matter at hand. In your panicked state, you had told anyone else who would listen to what you saw. The result was a party of men including a few hunters with weapons in the front.

Storming the estate and marching into the closed off room to where you had saw the thing whatever monster it was. Only to discover not a living soul within the space. No dead body, and no Master Kagaya. Just a pool of obvious blood on the floor and a few splattering across the walls.

A gruesome sight indeed that turned many a man's blood to ice, but there was no signs of him. A quick and intense search of the entire estate and even some of the nearby woods had turned up no traces of him or any remains of the missing girl whom you later found out was one of the more crueler maids that Kagaya had requested to bring him water. 

If not for the remaining blood, you would've thought that you had gone insane. Apparently it has also not been the first time a person had gone missing in or around the estate. One at least every few weeks. It hadn't seemed suspicious with the amount of time between each person, and it was usually those most displeased staying there or had spoken of finding other work. You had thought they had just left. You never thought in a million years they'd be eaten alive!

A priest had been called to cleanse the estate before everyone fled from the cursed area. However you were terrified of what that thing was opting to stay within your room and never leave. That however did not stop the rumors and stigma of you being the wife of the monster. The hated looks. The eggs that were pummeled against your house in the middle of the night. 

You felt disgusted. Every memory of his touch sending you into terrified shakes. The same hands that killed held you. The same lips that kissed you consumed flesh and bone. The same man was nothing but a monster.

But worse of all now you were to be the mother of the monster's children.

Eventually your father figured that the best course of action was to send you few towns over to stay with distant relatives. If to not do anything but get you away from the madness this place had given you.

It had worked out for a few months. Despite the surprise reactions from your family at your sudden and scared arrival, they welcomed you into their home and let you stay with them as your pregnancy progressed. You were a mixed bag of emotions and fear despite the days and nights without a trace of your 'husband' in sight.

Until one night your family decided to go out leaving you home alone with nothing to do but cozy up by the fire and try to forget about your problems. It wasn't until someone approached the door that had your terror tonight on edge.

The unmistakable sounds of snow crunching slowly under feet wormed it's way louder than the wind and repeated tapping of the shutters against the glass panels. A chill running down your spine and goosebumps forming a long your paled skin.

At first you dismissed it as an animal. A deer, wolf, stray dog- Sone kind of large beast. It wouldn't be the first time you had animals near your home, however a deep dread filled you as your tired brain realized something about the sounds of those steps.

I T  W A S  W A L K I N G  O N  T W O  L E G S.

Fully aware now, you body frozen where you sat as whatever it was encircling your small house was slowly making it's way from around the right side of the home and crunching it's way slowly towards the front door.

THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD-

Your wife eyes widened as a ghost hand entrapped your throat in fear. Head turning following the steps until it reached just outside of the front door. Heart pounding in your ears, you stared at the door in silence. No sounds other than the intense breeze outside and the crackling laugh of the fire behind you. Until there was a sound. A sound that made you flinch violently. The door shook a little bit. A small tug from the outside being stopped by the lock on the door securely keeping it shut. The lock jingling where the hook went through the loop. An experimental few tugs were given before it stopped all together leaving you to look on in terror, and then the next few sounds were given.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

The sound of shock and terror fled from your throat as you froze solid. You gave a shriek, scrambling back as the shook harder.

No. NO!! This was real! He wasn't really there! Your mind was playing tricks on you-

JINGLE. JINGLE. JINGLE.

The flimsy hook lock jingle with each hard tug on the door.

CLINK-

Until it unhooked. The door slid open as a whoosh of cold wind and snowflakes blew into the room. The sharp sting of cold making you raise a an arm to shield yourself from the on slot, fire wavering wildly in the hearth before your eyes blinked through the darkness and widened in fear of the purple eyes shining through the darkness.

And there he was. 

Kagaya. Looking the same as the day you left him. Only difference was his eyes. The orbs that used to be useless and white as snow now as purple as poison and slited like the predator he was. The demon could only stare at you and the obvious round middle you now sported with the unexpected arrival of your newborn on the way within the next few months. A gentle hum leaving his throat with an innocent tilt of his head.

"My goodness. Look at you. I was not expecting such a thing to be possible, but like with love many things seem to be proving themselves possible to me."

Your terrified self got up to your feet shuffling behind the chair you were sat in a moment ago when he stepped into the home. "You stay away from me!"

Instead he simply reached around to close the door behind him. "It's rather cold outside. That can't be good for the children. Do you have a coat?" He hummed again to himself looking around the house. "You'll be needing one to keep you warm after you pack and come back home."

"Are you mad!? Why would I ever go anywhere with a monster!?"

"A monster?" He smiled turning his head to a degree that was physically impossible for a human. "Now that seems to be a harsh judge of character, Darling."

"You killed that girl! You ate her body and then left behind her blood for her family to mourn." Your fingers dug into the fabric of the armchair until your knuckles were white with fear and anger. "You have sins carved into your soul that not even a devil would touch."

The head tilting was followed by the sound of a ship cracking as his head rapidly snapped back into it's rightful place. A hum escaped his throat and a hand reached out to rub his chin thoughtfully with purpled nails.

"Sins? Is it a sin to find beauty in the darkness?" A hand extended towards yourself. "To watch as the night sky comes alive with the eyes of the gods? To listen as the forest whispers centuries old secrets?" His footsteps echoed with each step towards you. "To find solace as shadows dance the same dance they have for eons? Powerful things lurk in the darkness and it is a sin to forget them."

Your body abandoned its place behind the armchair and stepped away from his approach until your back one inevitably hit the form blockage of the wall behind you. "It's also a sin to take an innocent life."

"Oh, but her life would've ended anyways. She didn't know it yet but she was very sick, and she would've died a very slow, very sad death loosing all her bodily functions. By taking her to death early she suffered nothing."

"And I am supposed to think what you did was supposed to be an act of mercy? You had no right to take step in where the reaper makes his own choice."

He chuckled. "Perhaps. Perhaps not. But I provided a way to avoid any suffering. A quick end now is usually preferable to a long suffrage in the grand scheme of things."

"You're sick. Both literally and figuratively."

"Am I? I suppose it's natural to think that of me at first."

Your lungs filled with a shaking breath. "Kill me if you insist on finishing what you started, but I have no intention of bowing to a king who wears a crown studded with the jewels of every life he's has ended."

For once he looked taken aback stopping just a few steps away from yourself. "Kill you? Oh, dear me. Is that what you thought I came here for?" His head shook swaying ebony locks. "No, no, no. That wouldn't be beneficial to either of us."

"Then why?"

"Why? You have got the arms I want to be wrapped in. You have got the eyes I want to get lost in. You have the smile I can never resist. You have got the voice I want to listen to for hours. I decided on you. I want you and only you."

"I fell in love with your words! Unfortunately they were all lies!"

"No. That's not true." That gentle smile was back as he approached her once more. "I didn't lie that I love you. It wasn't a lie before and it certainly isn't a lie now." 

Your body completely froze up pressing back against the wall hard as he practically looked over you. Silence as cold as death and as sweet as those words with the way he caressed your trembling face.

"My biggest mistake wasn't falling for you, it was thinking that you had fallen for me too instead of what I deceived you to interpret me as. It's not all for worse however. We have all eternity."

"You're a dangerous man."

"Ah. But you see the most dangerous person is the one who listens, thinks, and observes."

[poppy-in-the-woods]

Overcoming The Past

Plot: Reader was sexually assaulted as a teen, which resulted in her having a fear of oral sex. Now, years after the incident, she enlists her boyfriend Noah to help her overcome her fear, leaving the past behind once and for all.

Pairing: Noah x Female Reader

Word Count: 1276

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Tags: smut, oral sex (male receiving), mentions of sexual assault and related trauma, some angst and hurt/comfort at the end (does it still count if the hurt was years before the comfort?), overall Noah being the best boyfriend ever.

Author's note: So this is a reader insert, but let's be honest, that's me, that's what I went through, and I wish someday I'd find someone as understanding as Noah is in this, so I can try some exposure therapy with. In the meantime, I'll just keep on trying to heal.

Noah had known of your trauma pretty much since you two started dating, you even told him before you had sex for the first time. He had reacted predictably when you told him (“I want to kill that bastard!”), like other boyfriends before him, but in the moment of truth, he didn’t act like your previous boyfriends, he was much more understanding and caring. He also didn’t want to hear about not giving you oral.

“I am fine with you not giving me head, babe, but you’re not going to forbid me from doing one of the things I like the most when it comes to giving you pleasure,” he had said. You had tried to protest, but he was having none of it. “I don’t care about equality, I just want to make you feel good.”

But you knew he missed it, even if he didn’t say it, and you wanted to give it to him. It was time to overcome your stupid fear and worship his cock like he deserved. So, you talked to him about trying to do some exposure therapy with his assistance, and he agreed to your conditions: baby steps and no touching your head.

At first, you just kissed his tip and shaft with your lips closed, all while Noah praised and reassured you. This went on for several weeks until you felt comfortable with it. Next, you progressed to open mouth kisses and kitten licks. When you decided that you were ready for a somewhat proper blowjob, three months after the beginning of the experiment, you communicated it to him.

“You sure about this, babe?” Noah asked, looking at you. You nodded. “Okay, but we can stop whenever, if you feel you can’t do it anymore, just say it, there’s no need to put yourself in more stress and trauma.”

“I know,” you said. “That’s why I am going to ask you for something.”

“Sure, babe,” he replied enthusiastically. “What do you need?”

“Can I tie your hands? Either above your head or behind your back, so you can’t grab or move my head,” you asked. “It's not that I don’t trust you, but I’d be more relaxed if I knew you can’t do it, no matter what.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said.

If he expected you to use a scarf or something like that, he was very, very wrong. You had been thinking about that a lot and you were prepared; he swallowed when he saw the leather handcuffs you had bought.

“Is this okay?” you asked him, somewhat insecure.

“Yeah,” he said.

After undressing each other while making out, you handcuffed him to your headboard, making sure he was comfortable with a couple of pillows behind him to protect his back from the cold and hard metal.

“Are you comfy?” you asked. He nodded. “Okay.”

You took a deep breath, looking at his erection. He was very big, and his size intimidated you. How were you supposed to take all of him in?

“Babe, look at me,” he said. You lifted your gaze to meet his eyes. “You don’t have to deepthroat the first time, or ever, for that matter. Focus on the tip, like it’s a lollipop. Use your hand to stroke the rest and you’ll be fine, okay?”

You reminded yourself why you were doing this. Not only for him, but for yourself, to feel you finally left your trauma behind.

I’m stronger now, and he loves me, it’ll go fine, you thought.

“You’ll tell me when you’re close, right?” you asked, closing your hand around his shaft and stroking lightly.

“I won’t cum on your mouth or face, I promise. I’ll let you know when I’m close,” he assured you.

You darted your tongue out to lick the tip, feeling the velvety skin, salty because of the pre-cum. It didn’t taste bad, though. You swirled your tongue around the glans, making him moan, while pumping him with your hand.

“Oh yeah, babe, like that,” he praised you.

Encouraged by that, you put him in your mouth, still just the tip. You did as he had instructed, swirling and lapping at his skin like he was your favorite ice-cream. He moaned again, closing his eyes and throwing his head back in pleasure. His breathing was also beginning to race. A throaty groan escaped his parted lips. He looked fucking delicious like that.

“Fuck, babe, I’m close,” he said after a while, looking at you.

“Yeah?” you asked. He nodded. You stretched to grab the tissue box on the nightstand while still masturbating him. You swiped the pad of your thumb over, and he hissed. He was past the point of no return and you could tell. With your free hand, you prepared a tissue.

“Shit! Fuck!” he cried, coming undone. “God, babe, you’re seriously good at this,” he added, panting.

“I know you’re lying,” you said, getting up to free his hands.

“Lying? You just saw it, I came! How can I be lying?” he asked, rubbing his wrists in an effort to reactivate circulation.

“You came, alright, I got you to orgasm, but that doesn’t mean I am ‘seriously good’ at this, and you don’t have to lie to make me feel better, or whatever,” you said.

“You underestimate yourself, babe,” he said, cupping your head, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “Anyway, this isn’t about me, how are you feeling?”

“Well, the exposure therapy worked, I think. As long as I don’t feel your dick is blocking my airway, or you don’t touch my head, I can suck you off no problem,” you explained. “I feel it’s still a work in progress, though, so next time we should try with your hands free, see how I react.”

“You don’t have to do this for me, babe,” he promised you, kissing your cheek.

“I know. But I refuse to let that jerk has power over any aspect of my sex life anymore,” you replied, determined.

“You’re so strong!” he sighed, kissing your forehead. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you!”

“You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had,” you replied. “You’ve been so understanding and patient with me, with this issue. All of the others came to resent me and… they wanted everything, no middle ground possible, and I…”

You couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down your cheeks. He hugged you.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with so many jerks, but I promise, you won’t ever have to,” he said, rubbing your back in a soothing way. “Can I do anything right now to make you feel better?” he asked.

“Can we cuddle for a bit?”

“Of course, babe!”

You lied next to each other under the covers, to keep from getting cold, but the truth was Noah’s body heat could have maintained you two warm enough already. You shifted, putting a leg over his, hugging him and resting your head on his chest; his steady heartbeat was very calming.

“So, you weren’t lying before?” you asked after a while, propping up on your elbow to look at him.

“I’ve might have had exaggerated my praises,” he admitted, stroking your hair. “But you got so much potential. I really liked it.”

“That sounds a lot more like the truth,” you replied, smiling, resting on his chest again.

“But you don’t need to become a pro,” he said, caressing your back with light fingers. “I’m happy with what we have, with whatever you can give me. You don’t have to become a porn star or whatever to satisfy me,” he assured you.

“I know, and I’m grateful for that,” you said. “I love you, Noah.”

“I love you too.”

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 19 Part 2)

Word count: 15.1k

Pairings: Jake x Reader, OC x Reader, Sam x Reader, Sam x OC, Jake x OC

Warnings: Alcohol, Gambling, Smoking, Marijuana, Cursing, Dramatic Themes. Smut Including: Kissing, Touching, Making Out, Light Degradation, Dirty Talk, Praise Kink, Biting, Fingering, Name Calling, Edging, Mentions of Sub/Dom Themes, Voyeurism, Orgasm Denial, Unprotected Sex, Rough Sex, Pet Names, Digital Penetration, Spanking. Angst Including: Jealousy, Possessiveness, Toxic Themes, Arguments, Yelling, Verbal Abuse, Verbal Fighting, Extreme Portrayal of Sadness, Crying, Sexual Assault, Cheating on Partner, Abandonment.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon.

A/N: Part two of chapter nineteen! This was never intended to be two parts, but it was longer than tumblrs limits would allow, thus, requiring two parts. If you haven't read part one, you can read it here.

HER POV

Holding the napkin in your hand your face was hot, flushed with nerves, shyness and embarrassment, but you knew all those emotions were unnecessary. You had Jake by your side, and Elle and Sam were your best friends…the night was yours, and it was young. 

You both slid your empty glasses to the edge of the bar, thanking the bartender as you made your departure. You stood and Jake grabbed your hand, lacing his strong and calloused fingers with yours as you headed out the exit into the main lobby of the hotel in search of the elevator. 

The hotel was still buzzing with people, gamblers left and right looking for a place to cash in their chips. Once you found the elevator, you hopped inside with a slew of other people, you stepping to one side, and Jake to the other. You were happy you’d had that giant glass of water; it made you feel a little less wasted than you were earlier, and definitely a lot better about what you were doing now. 

Amongst the ten or so other just-as-drunk people on the elevator, you and Jake stuck out like sore thumbs. Both pressed against the walls as far as you could get, nonchalant and buzzing with anticipation. You held steady glances to one another as you picked at your nails, and he brushed his fingers over his lips. The elevator must have stopped four times before you even made it to the fifth floor, each time it stopped making time seem to drag on. 

Finally, when the elevator had emptied, you were approaching the fifth floor, your departure floor. 

“Babe, we don’t have to do this, you know. We can get off right here and go to our room, tell them you started to feel sick or something…” Jake finally spoke once the doors closed. 

“I’m anxious, Jake. But I’m okay. I…wanna go. Are you okay with this? If we go…? I want you with me…” you offered. 

“Yes. I want to go. Believe me, I want to go. Badly. I just want you to feel comfortable.” He said, taking your hand in his. 

“I promise I feel comfortable. Sam…he’s no big deal. But this is something new with Elle. And for you…I might just need a pep-talk.” You laughed, trying to shake off your nerves, speaking in chopped sentences. 

He took both of your hands in his. “Love, it’s okay. I’m yours, you’re mine. That’s all that matters. We’re just going to have some fun, experiment…live a little. You and I aren’t married yet, it’s okay for us to go and be young together while we still can.”

You sighed. “You’re right. It’ll be fun. What the hell are we doing?” You laughed, physically shaking your hands out. 

Suddenly your back was pressed against the wall of the elevator. “Do you need me to get you worked up again? Need me to remind you of anything, love?” His mouth was to your neck, and his hand was trailing up your dress, fingers brushing up the back of your thigh and over the curve of your ass. 

“I don’t have a problem with reminding you, little preview, hm?” He gripped your ass hard in his hand, pain shooting through from the residual swollen marks from the belt, but all it did was spur you on. The pain was a hellacious reminder of what he was capable of, and who you belonged to. 

“How was that kiss at the bar earlier? Did you like it?” He asked, a low grainy voice by your ear. 

You nodded harshly, “Yeah, I did.”

“Well let’s go see what else you can come up with. Maybe Elle has some tricks up her sleeve…” his tongue was running along the shell of your ear now, his breath heavy as he exhaled into your ear. 

Just then the elevator stopped and the door opened, leading out to a surprisingly empty corridor. The both of you stepped out, and you brought the napkin up to remind yourself of the room number. 

“508.” You said. You walked down the long hallway to almost the very end, stopping short when you heard music coming through the door to their room. You both laughed. “Definitely them.”

Jake knocked hard on the door as you stood back against the opposite wall, crossing your arms over your chest. Jake stood leaning in the doorway, one hand in his pocket and one high on the door frame. God, he’s hot. 

He knocked again as you heard the music turn down, and Sam greeted him at the door. “Room service!” Jake yelled, pushing Sam back into the room. He turned to catch the door for you, allowing you to follow him inside. 

“I didn’t order anything, dipshit.” Sam said as you both came into the room, the smell of marijuana lighting up your senses. 

“No? Well, your girlfriend did. Wrote her order on a nice bar napkin. Just for us.” Jake sat down confidently in a chair, crossing one leg over the other and resting his hands behind his head. 

Elle was seated on the bed, rolling up a few joints when she saw you. Her sultry eyes darted to you as she licked the paper. “Hey there, gorgeous. Samuel, you not going to offer our guests something to drink? Has my southern hospitality not rubbed off on you at all?” She slurred. 

“Shit, sorry.” Sam said, popping up from just sitting down. He made his way to the mini fridge and bar. “We have tequila, spiced rum, and vodka. And sprite and club soda and some type of weird juice.”

“You know what I want.” Jake said, brushing over his chin with his fingertips. Maybe he is anxious. 

“I’ll have the same.” You offered. “Thank you Sammy.” You plopped down on the bed next to Elle. 

“My pleasure, babe.” He said, winking over his shoulder. 

Jake turned the music back up a bit, and tapped his fingers on the arms of the chair. 

Sam brought you your drinks as Elle stood from the bed, presenting three perfectly rolled joints. “Who wants to do the honors?”

“Got a lighter?” You asked, taking one from her hands. Sam stood quickly, pulling one from his pocket, and handing it to you. He walked over to the large sliding door, opening it up to let the smoke out. A bit of fresh air blew through the room, bringing with it the smell of fried foods and the city. 

You lit the joint, taking a long hit and holding the smoke in. You leaned back on your arms, letting the THC do its work. You passed the joint to Elle as you exhaled, a big cloud of smoke falling from your lips as you coughed a little bit. Instant headrush, your favorite. 

She hit the joint next, following suit and passing it to Sam. “Thanks for coming back with us, we weren’t sure you were going to.” She said quietly under the music. 

“Why would you think that?” Jake added. 

“I dunno, thought I pissed you off earlier. You got awfully cutthroat, Jacob.” Elle replied. 

“Hm, I like a little competition. Little challenge sometimes.” He said, cracking his knuckles as Sam passed him the dwindling joint. “Seems as though you knew just what buttons to push, didn’t you?”

“Seems as though I did.” She said. 

He passed the joint back to you. “Well, it earned you something nice, though, didn’t it?” He said, taking his finger and swirling it in his drink as he exhaled. 

“That it did.” She said sternly, a devilish smirk finding her face. You exhaled the smoke back into the air, letting the high find you once again. Elle scooted closer to you on the bed, sliding her legs underneath her. You passed the joint to her as she took it from your fingers, taking one last giant hit. 

She motioned for you to come closer to her as she held the smoke in, and signaled for you to make a kissy face. You did as she asked, and she placed her hand on your cheek, slowly blowing the smoke directly into your mouth slowly as you inhaled it all. Her hand stayed on your face as you met her eyes, red and glassy and full of lust. You held the smoke for just a few seconds, getting the last bit of a high you were chasing so frantically. 

Once you exhaled, you felt her lips on yours again, this time a bit more relaxed. Your head began to spin, the entire world around you falling into nothingness. Her hand moved from your cheek to around the back of your neck, pulling you a bit closer. The kiss turned from a peck into something a little deeper, with a little more feeling behind it. 

You allowed your lips to part just slightly, letting the kiss move a bit more. You felt her tongue reach to brush your bottom lip before she pulled it back again. No, come back. You copied her motion, slightly bringing your tongue to graze against her lip. She tastes…so sweet…

You breathed a relaxed exhale as you parted slightly, catching her eyes as you both smiled. You dove back in, this time feeling confident. You positioned your body in such a way that you were leaning in toward her across your legs, giving yourself some purchase to reach your hand out and let your fingers play in her hair. Your heart was beating a million miles a minute, but you didn’t want to stop. 

Finally her tongue found yours, plunging into your mouth as she explored. God, you couldn’t get enough. As she pulled back, you let your body weight chase her, not wanting to disconnect. Both of your hands were on her face now, fingers gripping into her waves as she deepened the kiss, sitting up higher on her legs to tower over you. 

Keep going, Elle. 

You felt her fingertip tickle over your barren collarbone, down around to your chest, and trail right between your breasts. Her hand landed on your side, squeezing your hip as she stood on her knees above you. You let a hand leave her hair, finding a grip on her hip, and you pushed your fingers into her curves. You felt like you were floating on a bobber, getting sucked underwater every few seconds only to resurface to the air again. The pit of your stomach grew warm, and you wondered what she was going to do next. 

Her hands felt heavenly on you, without her having touched you much at all. They were small and dainty, but still comfortable and intriguing, a lot like Jake’s touch. 

Fuck. 

Jake. 

You had completely forgotten they were even in the room. Damnit. Well, they were getting a show. You began to slow the kiss a bit, feeling like it was heating up, but you needed to recenter. You pulled back a little, releasing your grip on her hip and face. She sat back down on her heels, smiling as she disconnected from you. 

“God…damnit, why did you fucking stop?” You heard Sam ask, his voice crackly and low. 

“Yeah, why did you…stop…” Jake added with the almost exact same tone of voice. 

You both laughed at the situation, bringing yourselves right back to your normal goofy selves, but still full of complete and utter attraction for each other. 

“I have an idea. Samuel, bring me that tequila bottle.” She snapped her fingers to him, and he jumped up like a trained puppy, grabbing the small bottle and placing it in her hand. 

“Y/N, how comfortable are you being topless?” Her words shocked you. 

“What? What do you mean?” You asked, eyes flitting across the room. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Jake yet, or Sam for that matter. 

“Topless. I can be too, if it makes you feel better.” She said. 

You thought on her words for a second. You obviously weren’t embarrassed in front of Jake, Sam had also seen every part of your body, and you and Elle had seen each other nude plenty of times, changing in front of each other over the years. 

“Um, I guess I’m okay with that. Yeah. Why not?” You said, shrugging it off. You truly felt comfortable, your drunkenness definitely lowering your inhibitions again. You reached for your drink on the table, taking a long swig. 

“Cool. Jake, is it okay with you if Sam and I see her topless?” Elle asked. “And me too, I guess?”

“As long as she’s fine with it, I don’t care.” You heard him mumble, sincerity in his voice. 

“Agreed.” Sam added. 

You nodded, slipping one shoulder free from the strap of your dress, letting it fall to your waist. You looked up to Elle who was still sitting with the bottle of tequila in her hand. You reached for the second strap, letting it fall to your side, too. This exposed your entire bare chest to three people who know you better than anyone, who have all seen more of you than this many times before, but this time, you felt extremely exposed. And you liked it. 

“You’re truly a sight, Y/N. I hope you know. Guys, isn’t she gorgeous?” Elle said sweetly. 

You heard Jake take a long exhale and reposition in the leather seat.

“Absolutely stunning.” Sam said. 

“Driving me wild, Y/N, just like you always do.” Jake’s hollow voice followed. Fuck, his voice. Here we go again. 

You felt your insides churn at their praises, and suddenly you felt all your caution leave your body. This was going to be fine. 

“My turn?” Elle asked, looking at all three of you before she slipped free of her top, exposing herself as well. 

“God, I’ve got competition…” you managed, giving the guys permission to comment as well. 

“Lie back, Y/N. Flat on the bed.” She instructed, and you did. Next she opened the bottle of tequila, pouring just a little bit into your belly button, and into the hollow of your throat. “Stay still, babe.” The tequila was cold, giving you instant goosebumps all over your body, effectively making your nipples stand at attention. 

She hopped off the bed, kneeling down on the floor beside you. She connected her mouth to your neck, sipping up all the liquor and swallowing before lightly trailing her tongue down the center of your torso, over your ribs, and straight to your navel, repeating the sip. 

She took a little more time here, allowing her lips to graze the sensitive skin around your navel. 

“Son of a bitch…” you heard Jake mumble, laughing quietly in astonishment. 

“No shit, you two are truly…” you glanced at Sam, watching him bury his face in his hands as he leaned forward. 

“Jake? A shot?” Elle piped up, more cheerful than you expected. 

“Yeah, definitely.” He responded, his voice sounding sleepy. 

Elle poured the liquor again. Here came Jake, your first eye contact with him since you made out with a woman in front of him. You felt him kneel beside you, catching his eyes as he did so. 

“Hey gorgeous, ready for body shots round two?” He asked. 

“Hell yes, baby. Let me see what you’ve got.” You played, trying not to move or spill the liquor. 

He threw his hair back into a low knot, not caring a bit how it looked, and reached his head down, sipping up the liquor from your throat, then trailing his mouth up your neck and to your ear. He let his face nuzzle in your tangled hair, breathing heavily as he did so. 

“You’re so fuckin’ sexy, baby…” he mumbled just loudly enough for you to hear, before nipping at your ear lobe. He then returned to your neck, trailing tiny kisses down your sternum toward your stomach. The chill bumps returned at his touch, your head spinning wondering what was in store from his beautiful brain. 

You felt one hand snake up and grasp your tit as his tongue met your bellybutton, swirling it around before connecting his lips and pulling the drink. His hand squeezed your breast, and you couldn’t help the tiny whimper that fell from your lips. Instant arousal. 

“Fuck, baby…” you breathed as he sat up and wiped his mouth free of the tiny dribbles. 

“Mmm, say that again…” he growled as he brought his lips to yours, soaked and stained with the strong taste of tequila. You giggled into his mouth. 

“Sam?” Elle offered, handing the bottle to him. The room went silent. “Not up to me, up to you guys. Just thought I’d open the door…” Elle went on. 

Jake sighed. “Just one.” 

Sam chuckled as he took the bottle, pouring the liquid into your navel, lifting the bottle high for a second and making the stream a few inches long. 

“Remember what I said about leftovers, Samuel.” You heard Jake quip. You normally would be offended, but you were too turned on to care. You were about to have Sam’s mouth on you again.

“We see how that worked out, don’t we Jake?” Sam spat back. 

Just then Sam grabbed both of your hands at your sides, and lowered himself onto the bed, perching to face you between your slightly parted legs. Both his hands held his weight on either side of you as he towered above, pinning your hands to your sides. Quickly, he caught your eyes with that look you knew so well. So damn well. 

He bent his elbows, bringing his mouth down low, running his tongue from between your breasts straight to your stomach. His tongue dipped inside your belly button, similarly to the way Jake’s just had, but instead he dug his teeth in a bit, slurping up the tequila, his eyes never once leaving yours. You couldn’t help the tiny arch in your back as he bit into your skin, your body reacting on its own accord. 

Fucking. Hell. 

“Sam…” Jake warned. 

Sam released your hands, sat up and cleaned his mouth off, resting on his knees between yours, a position you never thought you’d see yourselves in ever again. 

“What? Not my fault I remember all her sweet spots. I could show you a few sometime if you’re interested…” Sam said with a quick wink. 

Oh, he’s gonna pay for that one. 

“Just watch your fucking mouth, okay?” Jake warned, knowing that Sam was not paying any attention to him. 

“Alright alright…” Elle interrupted as Sam took his seat back in the chair. Elle came in front of you and grabbed your hands, helping you to sit up. “Open up, baby.” She tilted the bottle back, and poured the tequila into her mouth as you followed her instruction. 

She towered above you again as you tilted your head back, mouth wide open and ready to accept. She pursed her lips, letting the liquid fall in a steady stream from her mouth to yours, dripping a little bit onto your cheeks as she did so. You felt the warm liquor drip down your neck, sliding all the way down your throat and between your breasts. Your immediate reaction was to wipe it clean, but you decided to give the guys a little show, instead. 

You swallowed the tequila, the burn lighting your insides on fire. You took your finger, running it up your skin from where the drink had trailed, chasing it up and collecting it, before licking your finger clean of the remnants. 

You left your finger in your mouth for more than a few seconds, swirling your tongue around it until you found Elle’s gaze, leaving your eyes to stare into hers while you left your finger in your mouth. 

“Damn, Y/N, you really make this easy…” Elle complimented. “Ok, my turn.”

Elle layed back on the bed, her long curls falling over the side in lustrous waves. She handed you the bottle and you continued the theme of the activity, switching back and forth from her navel to her neck. 

You decided it was time to involve the guys. Your head was spinning even more so now, the tequila taking effect and the marijuana now buried deep in your bones. 

“Jake, come here.” You held your finger to him, signaling for him to come and join the festivities. “Take a shot from Elle.” 

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” He relayed, filling her navel with the chilled liquid. He licked his lips before he lowered his head, connecting his mouth to her. She shuddered at his touch, her hand instantly finding his hair as he moved his lips against her. Uh oh, he loved that. It seemed to spur him on, as he slowly ghosted his tongue down to her side, using his teeth to nip at her love handles. 

Elle let out a breathy laugh, showing that she enjoyed it, maybe a little too much. “Jake…biting is my thing…” she said, as either a warning or an invitation. You were fine with the latter. 

“Is that right?” He said, voice gravelly. His eyes shot to yours, then to Sam’s. You saw Sam shrug one shoulder to his side, telling him to go ahead. He continued his tiny love bites, up her side under her arm, onto her shoulder and onto her neck. He leaned his weight to hover above her, the visual of him with his mouth on her making you squirm. 

He went slowly, taking his time as he moved higher, letting his tongue reach out and taste her every so often. God, you were going to dream about this for months. He was in the crook of her neck now, slowly and sensually lying tiny bites right below her ear. His tongue slid tactfully out, leaving a tiny wet trail. You watched as her eyes rolled back and closed, fluttering open and shut as he spoke into her ear. You couldn’t hear what he said, but you could have probably guessed. 

Suddenly you felt Sam’s hand on your upper thigh, squeezing his fingers lightly and ghosting his fingertips as he watched them. Elle let out another breathy giggle, inhaling sharply as he brought his kisses to her jawline, moving closer and closer to her mouth. 

“Sam, Y/N…?” He said without looking to either of you, his mouth hovering directly above hers. You and Sam simultaneously gave him permission, and his lips connected to hers in a fury. You watched as your boyfriend kissed her, slowly at first, just exploring…her hand finding his hair once again. Sam’s hand continued to squeeze your leg, moving dangerously closer in toward your heat as his body inched closer to yours. 

Elle’s hand shot up to cup Jake’s neck, pulling him closer into her. His tongue grazed her lips as the kiss deepened. You felt yourself getting extremely aroused, and felt Sam’s mouth pressed against the back of your shoulder. Another one of your sweet spots. He just kept fucking remembering them. His mouth opened wider on your back, laying hot and wet kisses to the back of your neck now. Fuck, Sam. Stop remembering. 

His hand gripped your thigh, pulling your leg apart from the other as you rolled your head, the combination of his mouth and hand on you making you go crazy. 

Elle’s leg bent at the knee, pulling Jake to lie more closely on top of her. She was enjoying him. And you didn’t care. How could you blame her?

“Careful over there, Jake. Don’t get too carried away.” Sam said, disconnecting his mouth from you for a second. 

“Shut the fuck up, Sam.” He quipped back. 

“With pleasure, brother.” Suddenly Sam grabbed your chin and turned your face to meet his. “I still love pumpkin…”

His kiss. His mouth…your head was spinning, flying off your shoulders like a boomerang into the sky. Every nerve ending, on fire. Your heart was racing, feeling his lips on yours again, his touch…you could hardly form a coherent thought, much less take a second to recognize what was happening. All you could feel was him. Your Sam. Kissing you again. You felt like fireworks were going off in the room, in your head and in your body…insane amounts of excitement filling you to the brim. 

Your brow furrowed as you leaned into him, kissing him back with more unhinged passion than you probably should have in this instance. You knew you had to hold back, but god, you didn’t want to. 

You pulled away, completely flustered and ready, looking directly at him. His eyes were blown out with lust, his hand still buried deep in your thigh muscle, squeezing and massaging as you fought yourself from jumping into him again. 

You slowly shook your head ‘no’, the look on his face like he could devour you right then and there. God damnit, Sam. 

Jake pulled away from Elle soon thereafter, sitting back on the bed, his shirt all the way unbuttoned now, instead of his normal two-button style. Elle must have done that. 

“Shit, Jacob. Maybe we should argue more often, if it’s gonna end up like that.” Elle breathed as she sat back up, hair and appearance a mess. “Y/N, come back to me.” 

You did as she told you, fully entranced by the air in the room, making you feel vulnerable and uninhibited. You crawled her way, letting your mouth find hers again, with Sam still at your back and Jake by your sides. You heard their noises of some type of carnal attraction, speaking little sounds and whispers as they watched the show unfold. But it wasn’t a show, you truly did enjoy making out with Elle. And you weren’t ashamed of it. 

After a few seconds she pulled back. “God, now I understand what you guys meant…she’s absolutely delicious. You’re so tasty, Y/N.” Elle purred, making you feel like you could collapse. 

“Thank you, Elle. You’re fuckin sweet, yourself…” you answered honestly, blushing. 

“I couldn’t agree more…” Sam said quietly. 

“Baby, come here. Come sit with me.” Elle asked of Sam. He moved from behind you on the bed, joining Elle as she began pulling at the hem of his shirt, pulling it above his head and tossing it to the floor. “It’s getting a little warm in here. Thought you might need to cool off some.” 

“The one thing I don’t need to do is cool off…” he kissed her hard, both hands tangling in her hair as they kissed, heating up the scene exponentially. Sam always had his own way of making things so much hotter than they actually were…

You felt Elle’s hand on you as she kissed Sam, pulling you their way. You glanced to Jake, and he raised an eyebrow, silently saying you could make your own decision. 

You took it as an OK, shifting your weight toward them as her hand began tickling over your chest. She pulled away, letting Sam kiss her neck while she looked at you, a devious stare as she cupped her hand around your breast, making you feel something that you’ve never felt before. You let her massage as she held eye contact with you. 

“Christ…” Jake mumbled from beside you. 

Instantly, Sam’s hand was on top of Elle’s, letting her guide their hands as she began to feel all over your body, sometimes gently and sometimes rough. Finding your favorite pressure points and concentrating on them, squeezing your nipples and digging nails into your hips. After a few seconds, you realized that it wasn’t Elle’s hand doing the guiding at all, it was Sam’s. He knew exactly where to touch you to make you go crazy.

Suddenly Jake was on his knees behind Elle, leaning down to whisper in her ear, most likely the same thing he had said to her earlier, something to drive her crazy. Her eyes rolled back again, and her hand disconnected from Sam’s. 

“Babe, can I…touch you?” Elle asked you, the same devilish look pasted across her face. Jake’s face was directly beside hers, the same wicked look of intrigue, looking as though he wanted you to say yes. 

You nodded, slowly, deciding that you were in this deep, might as well take the next step. “Say it out loud, hun. Tell me.” She went on, asking your permission. 

“Yes. You can touch me.” You answered. 

“Jake…?” She asked next. 

“Fuck yeah….” Of course. 

You laid back a bit, not quite sure what to do. This territory was still very much uncharted. “It’s okay, love. Don’t be nervous. Just gonna make you feel good…” Elle went on. 

You relaxed on the pillows, letting one leg bend at the knee, the flowy skirt of your dress falling toward your upper thigh. She gingerly drifted her fingertips up your legs, inching closer toward your center. Your breathing began to pick up a bit as you became more anxious, the nerves finding their way back. This is so strange…but so good…

Her hand pulled the skirt up and she covered your heat with her palm, her touch soft and gentle, much different than what you were used to. Her hand glided slowly, back and forth, side to side overtop of your panties. You realized you had closed your eyes tight, still a bit self conscious of what was happening. She’s your best friend in the world…everything is fine…just let yourself feel it…

You let your eyes open, seeing the three of them watching you intently, the same look on all their faces. One that you absolutely couldn’t describe even if your life depended on it. But it was good. It was so good.

Elle’s hand dipped into your underwear, taking her sweet time as you allowed her to explore you. You felt like you might explode, her touch so intricate and concentrated, even given how drunk you both were. It was madness, how much you felt, how turned on you were…you let your legs separate a bit as she went a little deeper, finding your clit and giving it special attention. 

“Fuck…” Jake growled.

You couldn’t help the reaction your body was giving, your back arched and your hands found your tits, pulling and squeezing them as her hand felt you. “God Elle, yeah…” you breathed. You felt yourself beginning to rush to the peak, the edge of the cliff just within reach. Suddenly your mind snapped to another place. 

“Don’t wanna cum, Elle. I don’t…” you said. 

“You don’t? You don’t have to, hun.” She said, slowing her movement. 

“Not fair to everyone else if I’m the only one who gets to…” you said, earning a little giggle from everyone. 

“Aww, so considerate, Y/N. You’re sweet. But I’ll get mine…” Elle said, looking over to Jake. 

“But god, I don’t want you to stop…” you laughed as she continued gliding her fingers over you. 

She smiled a knowing smile. “I don’t want to stop.” 

You sat up as she removed her hand, giving you a tiny wink as she sat back. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as hot as what I saw just now…” Sam said flatly, he and Jake’s expressions both full of wild lust. Jake wiped his hand across his face, recollecting himself. 

“Mmm, it was hot, wasn’t it? Come here, Sam.” You let the words fall from your mouth before you could stop them, wanting to continue the madness. He glanced to Jake, but found Elle already walking toward him, trailing her fingers along Jake’s jawline. 

Sam took that as an ok, and followed your command, crawling over to you, placing his lips directly on yours again. You weren’t sure how this happened, how you’d ended up completely swapping, but you were enraptured in Sam’s touch right now. His hands trailed up and down you, your hand buried deep behind his neck as his tongue explored your mouth, truly tasting you again for the first time in so long. Your drunken lust was amplified, damn him for being so inebriating to you. 

You glanced behind him, seeing Elle half straddled across Jake’s lap, engaging in the same activity you and Sam were. Wow. This is…insane. 

The room air was heady now, the four of you jumbled into a mess of hands and bad decisions, thick with want and desire and attraction…you never wanted it to end. In an act of weakness, you let your hand brush against Sam’s dick, making him groan quietly into your mouth. 

“Fucking watch it, little one…” he whispered. “You’ll make me do something I regret…”

“This place is already full of regret, haven’t you noticed?” You grinned, letting your hand brush by him again. Damnit, Y/N. Slow down. But you couldn’t help yourself. Sam held some type of nefarious power over you, something you were drawn to in the worst way, one that destroyed you with every passing second. 

He hissed through his teeth, clenching his jaw and closing his eyes as he mentally tried to break away. 

“You still…taste so fucking good…” he mouthed, very quietly. “I don’t think I will ever get over it…”

Shut up, Sam…

“Did Elle treat you right? Make you feel good?” He asked, as you nodded. 

“She made me feel so good…but not as good as you used to…” you breathed into his ear, causing his body to stiffen. 

All of a sudden Jake’s hand was on your leg, his fingertips in your thigh, bringing you back down to earth. 

“Baby, you still good over there?” You heard him ask from behind Sam. 

“Great, baby, you okay?” You responded. 

“Mmmhmm…excellent actually…” you glanced again, Elle completely straddled across his lap, his hand grasping her ass as she hid her head in the crook of his neck whispering to him unintelligibly. You could hear the low growl of his voice, but couldn't make out the words over the sound of the music and the thrum of the blood rushing through your head.

You smiled as he looked over to you, giving you a sweet wink. Where on earth had you found yourselves? Sam looked behind him as well, seeing them in the unholy position. He looked back to you, shrugging his shoulders, and pulling you closer.

You went on this way for a bit, letting Sam’s hands and tongue explore you again, completely not caring for what Jake and Elle were doing at the end of the bed. At one point you felt Jake lie back on his elbows, letting out a guttural moan as Elle must have done something to set him off. You turned your head and watched as he whispered something into her ear again and as she pulled back from him you heard her ask him, voice full of lust, “You promise?”

He hummed in agreement and you looked away quickly before either of them had a chance to notice that you were listening. Your brain began to swirl with thoughts, and part of you felt like ending everything there. Getting up right now and dragging him back to your room. But the warm hands wrapped around your waist drew you back in, reminding you that you were most likely having the exact same thoughts.

“Feeling good over there, brother?” Sam asked. 

“Ha ha, sure as fuck am…she is…” he trailed off as Elle’s mouth cut his words. 

You smiled into Sam’s kiss again, torn up and twisted in your passionate draw to him, coming full-circle in an act that you never ever thought you’d find yourself performing again. 

The whispers filled the room again, and you found yourself trying to listen, but again no luck.

Looking over to Jake and Elle you watched her say something, causing Jake to toss his head back, “Jesus fuck, Elle…”

You weren’t sure what was happening, but he didn’t tell her to stop.

Sam suddenly stopped his actions, bringing his eyes to look deeply into yours, speaking a thousand words in the span of five seconds, telling you everything you already knew, and that it was still true. 

“I know, Sam. I know.” You whispered. 

He laid his head down beside yours with a thud, his mouth directly beside your ear. “I swear to god, I wish…I had…a time machine…” he whispered, making your insides wrench, twisting your heart into a million shreds. His fingers wiped a few stray hairs from your face, the tender touch making you want to cry. 

“Well, we don’t have one, so you better make this count while you can.” You suggested, leaning your mouth closely to his lips, connecting them again. What you felt in Sam’s kiss was undoubtedly something else, something rooted so deeply that you could hardly fathom it. A feeling that was created millennia ago, when we were nothing but stardust, the cosmos creating us out of nothing but the sands of time. 

Love. 

Pure, infatuating, implanted and ingrained into the soul of every living being. And you felt it, wholeheartedly, with Sam. Just like you had all those years ago, and a few times here and there since. 

But the strange and cruel part of it all was that you also felt it with Jake. The exact…same…feeling. 

You looked behind Sam to find Jake’s head arched back, Elle going crazy in doing everything she could except sexing him. Shit, you found yourself thinking dark thoughts…Is that something you felt like you could watch? In the moment, you thought you could. It would be an absolutely insane visual, both of them so ethereally gorgeous, unhinged and writhing with each other…

You perked up again, Sam standing up to grab his drink. Elle removed herself from Jake, taking his hand to sit him back up. 

“Enjoying my girlfriend, Jake?” Sam spat, sipping from the edge of his cup. 

“You enjoying mine?” He quipped back. 

“Mhm, seems mutual.” Sam said. 

“Definitely mutual…” he growled.

You watched as Jake’s eyes traveled to Elle, standing with her hands behind her back leaned against the table, in nothing but her tight black skirt. You realized that she was just straddling Jake; he had to have seen a bit more than he thought he would. His gaze was sultry, and he bit his lip as she smiled shyly. He was very…very into her. How could he not be? 

“How are you feeling, ladies? Doing okay? Anyone need a drink?” Sam asked, keeping up the role of the host. 

“I’m good, thanks.” You answered as Jake came and sat beside you on the bed, the straps of your dress still hanging low around you. 

“Enjoying yourself, love?” You asked him, smoothing his tousled hair. 

He glanced back to Elle as she spoke closely with Sam. “Yes, very much so…she’s really, coming on strong.”

“Mhmm, I can tell. I think she’s really into you, Jake.” You said, putting a finger to his shoulder. 

“I think she is, too…” he said, falling into a shy grin. 

“Do you want her? Is all of… this…going where I think it’s going?” You asked. 

“What do you mean babe…I…” he looked to you, puzzled. 

“Do you wanna fuck her, Jake?” His face was full of surprise at your inquiry. 

“What? No, baby. What do you mean? No…” you could tell his face absolutely flushed at your words, and he stumbled to find the right ones of his own.

“Jake. You don’t have to lie…I can tell you’re into her, too…shit, look at her…I would be. I can see whatever is happening between you two…I’m not mad baby…” you trailed off, thinking hard about the subject. 

“Why? Do you want to fuck him?” he asks.

“Answer me, and I’ll answer you…” you pressed.

“Fine. Yeah I want to fuck her. I want to fuck her, badly. But you know you’re my girl.” he answers, looking over your shoulder at her.

“What if we….what about a free pass, babe… If that’s what you want…go for it. I trust you, I trust Elle. Asking Sam, that’s another story, but. I promise you, it’s not something that would make me mad, look at us. Look what we’re doing right now…” you motioned around. 

“At this point…” you shrugged, for some reason, somehow or another, you felt as though you could truly let him do this. One time, if it’s what he wanted. You could both have what you wanted. “It’s just sex, babe…I want you to feel good.” you continued.

He brought his eyes back to you, an answer hanging on the tip of his tongue as his eyes flicked to her, then over to Sam. He was considering it, the alcohol helping his decision. 

Yes or no?

“Maybe just–” he was cut off, snapping his head to his phone ringing loudly on the table.

“Who the fuck? Couldn’t have picked a worse time…” he paused, picking it up, “Of course it’s fucking Josh.”

“Hello?” he answered angrily.

“You’re where?” 

“Are you ok, are you with Danny?” he asks.

“What do you mean you don’t know where you are? How the hell did you…?”

“You fuckers got too drunk, didn’t you? No, I won’t come find you! What-where is Daniel?”

“What do you mean you can’t find him? Why did you separate anyway?”

“No, absolutely not. I’m fucking busy, Josh. I can’t come down there.”

“None of your business…” 

“No…Can you please just…”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. 

“Fuck, fine… I’ll come find you, you damn idiots. Don’t go anywhere, just stay there. I’ll call you when I get downstairs.” he snaps.

He hung up the phone. “Goddamnit, I can never have a single second for myself.” He complained. 

“Are they okay?” Sam asked, turning the music down. 

“They’re fine, I think. Josh got too drunk and twisted around trying to find Danny. Lost him. Said he’s been searching forever.” He answered, looking over to Elle.

“You ready babe? I’ll walk you back to our room first.” He says. 

“Wait! She doesn’t have to go, does she?” Elle chimes in. 

Jake pauses, looking over to you, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Uhh, I don’t suppose so…Baby? Do you… wanna stay? Without me?” He looked to you. 

You bit your lip, and nodded. You didn’t want to leave. 

Jake sighed heavily. “Okay, I don’t like this, but I guess…if you want to stay…”

He bent down to kiss your lips. “God, right when things were getting really fun…I’ll be back baby. Behave, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too, Jake.” You murmured. “Be careful.”

He nodded in agreement but before he left, he leaned over and whispered into your ear, “Remember who you belong to…”

He stepped back and turned to Sam, poking a finger into his barren chest, silently warning him to not cross the line in his absence. 

“I’ll be back, soon hopefully.” Jake walked out, letting the door slam behind him. 

“Mmm…Now we can have some real fun…We have her all to ourselves baby…” Elle breathed. 

Just like that it was the three of you. Left wanting and waiting, and wondering where exactly that line was drawn.

—

The festivities resumed, just as they had begun. Except this time, you felt less pressured to hold back, letting yourself focus your attention a little better. Letting yourself feel a little more…a thrashing mess of the three of you wound up and not thinking, the alcohol seeping into your brains, lowering any standards you may have had. 

Your mind and body were flowing separately but all together at the same time…hot, heavy, wasted and untamed…and you were living for every second of it. 

Still, in the back of your mind, you wondered what Jake’s answer would have been if Josh hadn’t called. Though you were certain you knew. You could see the look in his eye. 

At one point, you let your hand slide down the curve of Elle’s body, and you felt her shiver and pull back. 

“You okay baby?” Sam asks, putting his hand on her suddenly clammy face. 

She shifts back a bit, swallowing heavily as she runs her hand over her face, “No…I…I’ll be right back.” she says, standing up and sprinting to the bathroom.

“Fuck, is she okay?” you ask, nervously.

Sam sighs, and spins to stand from the bed. “No, she hit her limit before we ever left the bar. The tequila was a bad idea. I’ll be right back.” he says, letting his hand ghost over your cheek, swiping over your bottom lip. 

His eyes break away from yours as he makes his way to the bathroom, leaving you sitting on the disheveled sheets of the bed. Understanding that the fun was more than likely over, you pull the straps of your dress back over your shoulders, and stand up from the bed. 

Looking over the room you spot your clutch and fish for your phone, and any word from Jake, but as you pull your phone out you see nothing and toss it back inside. You make your way over to the sliding door and stare out onto the strip, marveling at the colorful lights and flashing signs. 

You let your mind wander as you let the incomprehensible feelings swirl through your body. As much as you loved Jake, why did your few moments with Sam feel like so much more than they should?

You shake the thoughts from your mind as you hear the two of them coming out of the bathroom. Sam pulls Elle’s dress from her body and slides his t-shirt over her slender frame. Your breath catches in your throat, catching such a sweet and tender moment between the two of them. Something you remember Sam doing with you, time and time again. 

You look away as you hear him tuck her into the bed, whispering into her ear. You make your way back to the dresser, gathering your clutch and heels and making your way to the side of the bed. 

“I hope you feel better Elle, I had fun with you tonight.” You say, leaning down to kiss her forehead. 

Before she can even respond her eyes are closing, and Sam is tossing you a smirk.

You start to make your way to the door, and Sam catches your hand. “Let me walk you back. I want to go smoke anyway.”

“Shouldn’t you stay with her?” You ask. 

“She got sick, I think she should be okay now. Said she just wanted to sleep.” He responded. 

You nod your head, and put your shoes back on as he redresses himself and grabs his room key. Seconds later he is whisking you through the door and towards the elevators. 

“What floor are you on?” he asks. “Actually, do you… want to come smoke with me?”

You turn to catch his gaze, knowing full well he just doesn’t want to leave you yet. 

“Sure Sammy.” you say, looping your arm with his.

He presses the button for the rooftop terrace and after a few minutes the doors are opening, depositing you at the windy rooftop bar. There are very few people around, considering that it's nearly three in the morning, the bar starting to close down. 

Sam pulls you out of the elevator, hand in hand as he tries to find a place for the two of you to stand and smoke.

Around a corner, the wall blocks the harsh wind, giving him his best chance of lighting his cigarette. With a flick of his zippo, the tip of the cigarette glows to life, a stream of smoke blowing from his lips.

He offers it to you but you decline, knowing that the rush of nicotine is the last thing you need in your system.

“You know, you never let me fully apologize for the role I played in the whole Andy thing. I need you to know I’m sorry. More sorry than I have ever been for anything in my life.” he says, taking a pull from the cigarette between his fingers, gazing out onto the strip. 

“I know you are Sammy. I forgive you. It’s done and over now. I was hurt and sad, but I am moving past it. I’m not letting him have control of my emotions anymore. Breaking my relationships with the people I loved is what he got off on. I’m not letting him do that anymore. I know you’d never hurt me. Ever. You all thought you were doing the right thing.” you reply.

He grabs your hand and squeezes it tight, acknowledging your forgiveness, and cementing the words into his mind. It’s quiet for a few minutes, and you can feel his gaze on you as you stare out onto the busy street. 

“I kind of wondered what would happen…” he trails off, looking out into the desert. 

“Just now? With Elle?” you ask, leaning your back to the railing. 

“No. With you and me. After some time…after we were both settled, so to speak. If the flame would still be there.” he admits.

“Oh…” you say.

He takes another drag from his cigarette, his hair blowing gently in the wind. 

“You know what I think?” you ask.

He turns to look at you, eyes dark and piercing even in the dead of the night. He raises an eyebrow.

“I think that you and I both know the flame will never burn out completely. Even if we both want it to. An eternal flame…” you say, trailing off. 

“Do we both want it to?” he asks, resting his hip on the rail as he faces you. 

“I think we need it to…” you answer, as he nods his head. 

“Tonight was…” you start, shaking your head struggling to find the words to say.

“Amazing? Cruel…” he finishes, reaching his hand to your hip, letting his fingers grip into your side. “To have you so close…but still just out of reach. Jake, watching my every move, like I didn’t ruin you a hundred times over right under his nose…”

You swallow harshly, knowing the exact feeling he was talking about. You knew that no matter what could have transpired tonight, it would only be a brief glimpse of what you knew he was capable of.

“What would have happened if Elle never came back?” he asks.

“Sam…” you whine, feeling his grip pull you closer to him.

“Do you ever think about it?” he asks, tamping out his cigarette.

“I don’t know.” you answer.

“Yes you do.” he says, sliding his hand up to rest at your neck, letting his thumb dig into your skin. He always did remember those special points of your body. You groaned at the sensation of his hands on you, away from prying eyes.

“I think… we would have continued doing whatever it was we were doing. I think Nashville wouldn’t have been the last time. Not by a long shot.” you answer.

“No. It wouldn’t have. Fuck, I… I would have done things so differently…I know I sound like a broken record but, I had no idea it would be the last time.” he pauses, “But then tonight…”

You nod your head as you bring your face closer to his, letting your hands rest on his arms. “Tonight…”

“Fuck…” he exhales a shaky breath, “Tonight, yesterday, every day before that, fuck Y/N…”

“What, Sammy…” you say, your lips barely ghosting over his.

“I’ll never stop.” he says, his lips grazing yours.

“Stop what?” you breathe.

“Wanting you just one more time…” he whispers.

“So don’t.” you reply, feeling his lips, cold and wet press to yours. 

The electricity zapped from your toes up through your body, a whimper leaving your throat as his tongue slid across your lips. His hands pulled you closer into him, feeling his bulge press into your stomach. Your hand slid under his shirt, and you were met with the soft warmth of his skin. His lips felt different away from Jake and Elle. Like he was the gravity holding you down to Earth, keeping you from floating away into the cosmos. His hand wound into your hair, pulling your mouth closer to his as his lips reacquainted with yours.

He inhaled a shaky breath, almost as if the contact was bringing him to tears. You peeped your eyes open to see his eyebrows furrowed, kissing you with so much intention you felt dizzy. So you returned it. You let your nails dig into his sides under his shirt, dragging them around to his front, making him physically shudder. Finally, you brought your hands back up to cup his face, pulling yourself away to catch him in a look so devastatingly intense that you felt like you might disintegrate. You were almost in tears yourself. 

His lips plush and pink, still stained with the pressure of trying to consume as much of you as he could, while he could, he blinked rapidly, honestly probably fighting back tears that you knew were also threatening you, too. He clenched his jaw and flared his nostrils, swallowing hard. 

“Y/N, I swear on my life…there will never…” he shook his head slowly, unable to find the words as he held your head steady. He breathed again. 

“You don’t need to say it, Sammy.” You whispered. “I know. I’ve known for years and years…” 

He let a laugh fall from his throat as he tilted his head back, eyes sparkling with tears he just wouldn’t let fall. 

“And what about you, huh?” His eyebrows raised. You knew what he was asking. 

You looked to the ground, searching for some way, any way to tell him, without telling him. 

So instead of speaking, you simply smiled. A wide, toothy and genuine smile that stretched from ear to ear, making you fall into a fit of shyness…nodding your head and pushing back tears. 

He returned your smile. “That’s all I needed, babe. That’s all I needed.” You let a singular tear finally crawl down your cheek, and before you could catch it, Sam’s lips caught it, kissing it away. 

He rested his forehead to yours, bringing you in for a final embrace. “Happy tears, lover. Always happy tears.” 

Your phone buzzing in your clutch pulled you back down to earth, the realization hitting you of what had just occurred. 

You pulled away quickly, grabbing your phone from your bag, seeing a text from Jake.

3:08 am

Jake: I found them. Taking Josh and Danny back to their rooms. Coming for you next. Going to finish what I started…

You let out the breath you were holding, and looked to Sam. 

“I know…” he says, nodding his head in defeat. “I’ll take you back. Thanks for coming up here with me. For this.”

“Sam, we…” you start, but his finger presses to your lips, stopping the words from escaping.

“Let’s go.” he says, sliding his finger down your arm, and lacing his fingers with yours. 

—

“What floor are you on?” Sam asked as you approached the elevator doors. 

“Eight. Room 801.” You responded as the doors opened, and you pulled the room key from your bag. The two of you stood in silence as the elevator ascended, way too quickly for your drunken state to handle. 

The doors opened and you headed down the hall, hands brushing by one another as you walked. 

“I had a…really good time tonight, Sam. I wish…we could have made it last just a bit longer.” You said quietly as you approached the door. 

“I had a great time, too. Never thought I’d get to be with you like that again. Ever.” He said, inching closer to you. 

“Mm, me neither. It was… a very welcome surprise.” You breathed, his mouth close to yours again. You could feel the tension growing again, threatening to break with every passing second. It was taking everything in you not to push him against the wall, run your hands all over his body, bury your tongue deep in his mouth…and let all the dirty thoughts explode from yours. 

His lips were within centimeters of yours, his nose brushing against your cheek as you fought to keep your breath steady. Your eyes began watering at the situation, the draw so strong you could faint. 

“Goodnight, lover…” he whispered, words hot on your lips as he pulled away, leaving you a heaving mess of winded breaths. You watched as he walked quickly down the hall back the opposite way you came, toward the stairwell. Strange. Maybe he needed to walk. 

As he approached the door, he turned to look at you, giving you one last longing glance before pushing through it. 

You stood for a second. Looking at the door of your hotel room, and then back to the stairwell. A thousand memories replaying in your mind in a flash of noise and color.

Fuck. 

Before you could stop yourself, you were rushing down the hallway, not looking back. Your legs carrying you faster than you could think as you ran to the door, busting through it into the dark, shadowy stairwell. 

You found him there, leaned against the brick wall running his hands through his hair. You stood before him as his eyes found yours, chest heaving up and down with his labored breaths. You watched as his breath caught in his throat, face riddled with shock. 

“You fucking came…”

Suddenly his hands were on you, pushing you against the wall with force. His mouth instantly connected with yours as he wound his hands into your hair. 

You kissed him back, hard, violently searching for something you didn’t know you were still looking for. Something you wished away. Something that no matter how hard you tried to deny, would always be there.

He growled with anticipation, grabbing your hand and locking his fingers with yours, trailing your hands between you, forcing you to feel his erection. 

“You feel that, baby? You did that. You’ve been doing that to me all night…” you squeezed him hard through his jeans, cupping him just so that his muscles softened, a whine falling from his beautiful pink lips. 

In a flurry, you unbuckled his belt, button, and zipper, forcefully pulling him free of his confines, taking his dick fully in your hand, already pulsing. 

“God Sam you’re so hard already, what is it you want? What have you been thinking about?” You breathed, all coherent thoughts flying out the window as you let your animalistic instincts take over, beginning to move your hand up and down him quickly. 

“Shiiit baby, you. I’ve been thinking about you, fucking you, making love to you like we used to…miss it so bad, Y/N…” he whispered. 

You quickened your movements on him as he kissed you hard again, hiking your leg up over his hip, your panties absolutely drenched from want. He held your leg up with one hand, pressing himself against you. You swore you could orgasm right then and there, the feeling of his bare skin pressed against you again. Your whimpers carried out quietly through the echoey stairwell as Sam brought his hand to your center, threatening to touch you in the place that for the longest time, belonged to him. 

“Mmm, still get wet for me, baby? Let me see…” 

His fingers found your folds, tracing along the insides as he maneuvered them perfectly, quickly shaking them as he glided up your wetness. 

“Just as I thought, fucking soaked. For me, babe?” He asked. 

“A little bit for your girlfriend, but…” you teased. 

“Shut the hell up.” He laughed, shaking his head. His beautiful, adorable, sweet laugh. 

You pushed your lower half in toward him again, searching for any type of contact as he continued assaulting you with his fingers. Your hand had released him; he was gliding himself in between your folds now, feeling your warmth on him. 

“God damnit, you feel so fucking amazing, and I haven’t even…” his breath caught as you connected your mouth to his throat. 

“I fucking want you, Y/N, so bad I can hardly breathe…I literally can’t stop it….” He went on. 

You felt like another person, floating above watching yourself in the position you found yourself in. So bad, so wrong. Fuck. 

Sam’s hand was around your neck, his fingers on your pressure points as he pressed his dick against your bundle of nerves, making you gush with arousal. 

You whined hard at the feeling. “Fuck me then, Sam. Do it. Like you used to. Fill me up, I need it. I need to feel you again…” someone else was speaking through your mouth, this horrible, detrimental decision already weighing hard on you, but you needed Sam so badly right now, you surely would cease to exist if you didn’t have him. 

Just then he lifted your leg higher, and pressed into you, gently at first, then all the way in to the hilt. The noises that escaped both of your lips were filthy, foul and obscene…your mouth hung slack as you fought to catch your breath, the feeling of him inside you again climbing to the very top of your list. 

“Jesus Christ, Sam, don’t fucking stop…” you sounded pornographic in your words, the sounds you both whined echoing and bouncing off the walls. But you couldn’t care less. He pulled in and out of you at a pace that could kill you, long and languid strokes, already hitting your G-spot with ease. 

“You’re fucking beautiful, Y/N, so perfect, god I missed you, so bad…” he grunted, fighting for his life as he pressed you harder against the wall, cutting off your air supply in the most beautiful way. 

“Sammy…” you whined into his neck, pulling him in closer to you. Arching your back off the wall in an attempt to take him further. Suddenly he pulls out of you, and you hiss with the loss of contact.

“Turn around, put your hands on the wall.” he instructs, spinning you away from him, and lifting your dress.

His arm comes around to your front, and gathers your slick rubbing tight circles over your clit as you feel him press into you from this new angle. 

“Fuck me. I swear to god you feel better than I even remember.” he groans, grabbing a handful of your ass as he pounds into you. You wince as his fingers press into your bruised skin.

“Shit, baby, are you okay?” he asks, feeling you cringe against him, and you look over your shoulder to tell him to continue, but you watch as his eyes take in the state of your backside littered with tiny red bruises. 

“What is this? What is this from?” he asks, continuing to fuck into you at a slower pace. 

“Last night. Jake…He was a little jealous.” you pant out. 

“What at the piano? So he put his hands on you?” he asks, a tinge of anger in his voice.

“No. Not his hands anyways… I asked him to. I wanted it. Just forget it Sammy. He’s not here. You are. You and me.” you plead.

“If he did that for last night, what’s he gonna do about this?” he says, plunging into you with more force.

“Fuck…I don’t know. Kill us both… He’s never going to know. This is it. The last time…” you whine. “Shit Sam… you feel so fucking good…”

“You’re right. The last time…” he says, pounding into you, the loud smack of your bodies echoing through the stairwell.

“Turn around. I want to see your face when I make you cum.” he growls.

“Let’s see if you still can.” you say playfully.

“Don’t fucking test me, baby.” he says as you turn back around, pressing your back to the cold brick wall.

He grabs both of your legs and pulls them to rest around his waist as he re-enters you, a moan drifting into the air. 

“Goddamnit, how am I supposed to fucking live without this?” he grunts.

You arch into him as he hits your g-spot, and you tense around him. 

“Squeeze me like that again, gonna memorize the way your pussy feels around me.” he says, fucking up into you harder.

“I’m…I’m close Sam…I’m…” you stammer.

“I know, I know you are. I fucking know you are, I can feel you. Want you to cum lover, want you to fucking soak me while I ruin you.” he says, his words pushing you over the ledge. His lips connect to your throat, licking and nipping and biting your skin as you pulse around him, the high you’d be chasing for so long finally within reach.

“Let go. Tell me who fucks you like this while you do it. Say it. Say my name as you cum baby.” he praises.

“You! You do Sam, fuck! You do!” you cry, letting his name fall from your lips over and over as the high takes over your body, squeezing him inside of you with everything you’ve got. 

“I’m not gonna last much longer, I’ve fought it too long already.” he pants, slipping in and out of you with precision.

“Cum for me Sammy. Fucking fill me. Want to feel you everywhere.” you whisper against his lips.

A door opening below you, snaps the two of you from your trance, both of you immediately going silent.

“Y/N?” you hear Jake’s voice echo through the empty stairwell just a few floors below you. 

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Jake. 

What have you done?

Sam slaps his hand across your mouth to stifle the sob ready to spill from your chest, causing you to clench around him. 

Seconds later you hear the door slam closed, and Sam removes his hand. “We have seconds… and I want every last one.”

You let your lips crash to his as his hips snap into you one more time, “I need you Y/N. Need this. I always will…” and with that, you feel him spill into you, the warm sensation collecting inside of you, as his moans drift directly into your ear. You close your eyes and for just a moment you let the outside world fade away. He buries his face into your neck as he cums, holding you tightly against him.

When his grip on you loosens you let your legs drop to the floor as he pulls out. He reaches between you to pull your panties back where they belong, effectively catching the release ready to spill out of you at any second. 

A sick feeling creeps into your stomach as you fix your dress, “Sam, I–” you start.

“I know. Fuck, I know. Go, quickly. Get straight into the shower. Don’t stop for anything. If you see him it’ll be too late.” he says, smoothing his sweaty hair away from his neck.

You turn to walk to the door, and just as you twist the handle, Sam’s hand catches yours. Your eyes flick to his, meeting his deep brown eyes for just a moment as he speaks, “I’ll never stop loving you, Y/N.” 

Your fingertips glide over his as you slide out the door, and away from Sam for the last time.

—

SAM POV

The walk back to your room felt like it took one hundred years, pacing up and down hallways, losing track of which floor you were on, the elevators being at opposite ends of the hotel…your mind was racing and your bearings were lost, you had fucked up. Royally. 

What the hell were you thinking? That this would just be okay? No. It wasn’t okay. It was bewildering. Breathtaking, the most high-end and insane sex you might have ever had…feeling her again was like seeing someone you thought was dead and gone, rise up and extend their hand to you, dragging you back down into purgatory with them. 

Except this purgatory was heavenly. Blissful, erotic, and downright forbidden. And it was the sweetest thing you’d ever fucking tasted. 

“Fuck!” You yelled as you lost your direction once again, finding yourself crouching on the floor on the complete wrong end of the building. You grabbed your hair in your hands, feeling like like you could rip out each and every strand, just to torture yourself for what you’d just done. 

There was no justifying this one. No explaining yourselves. You’d cheated. On the best thing you’d found in your life. With your brother’s girl. God damnit…He was never going to speak to you again. This was going to ruin everything. Ruin your relationship with him, with Elle, maybe even Josh and Daniel…the band. Fuck. Right before tour. 

You hoped to god that maybe, by some miracle, Jake wouldn’t find out. You’d rather live with the secret guilt than have him learn about it. 

You must have been walking for a half hour at least before you finally found your room, pulling the key card from your wallet and unlocking the door. You sighed heavily in preparation, easing into the dark shadowy room, finding Elle fast asleep right where you left her. You gently covered her back up, tucking the heavy blankets around her. You walked over to the mini bar and grabbed a bottle of water, placing it beside her on the table, should she wake up and need it. 

You took your shirt off and laid back down in bed, as far away from Elle as you could possibly get…the feeling of showing her affection making your stomach curdle. Maybe you should shower. Yes. 

You let yourself stand under the steaming hot water, trying like hell to wash away the scent of sex and Y/N, still lingering heavily on your body. You normally wanted to bathe in it, bask in it, but right now you felt like you couldn’t scrub it off fast enough. You cleaned yourself over and over, until your skin was red and blotchy. 

You finally decided that your skin may fall off the bone, so you stepped out and dried off, slipping back into the bed to let your body drift off into what would hopefully be the deepest sleep you’d ever had. But instead your mind wandered. Tortured itself. The memories of what you’d done, everything building up to it…it was so wrong. 

You rolled over to look to Elle, her chest heaving slowly as she breathed, deep in her sleep. Your sweet, beautiful, strong and perfect girl, like nothing you’d ever imagined…and you stepped out on her. Did the ultimate thing that no trusting person should ever do. You’d made a truly grave mistake. And you knew you were going to pay for it. 

—

JAKE POV

You tap the key card to the door barely letting the light flash before you throw it open. As you step into the room, you see Y/N rushing around the room, tossing her heels to the floor and throwing down her bag as she tried to make her way into the bathroom. 

“Where the hell have you been?” you ask, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I texted you!”

You take notice of her flushed cheeks and her heaving chest as you step further into the room. Odd.

“I’ve been in here for a few minutes!” she says, pulling down the straps of her dress.

“No, actually you haven’t. I was just in here, and you weren’t. I thought maybe you were still in Sam and Elle’s room, but when I knocked no one answered the door.” you snap.

“Must have just missed me in passing then.” she says, letting her dress slide to the floor. Your eyes flash to her nipples, hard and standing at attention, her tits slightly swollen and red, her panties twisted to the side. Interesting.

“Well, I took the elevator straight here and you weren’t in here darlin’…thought to myself, ‘Huh, must have taken the stairs.’ A strange choice surely, but what the hell…Still no sign of you…” you say, placing your hand on her shoulder. Her skin is warm, warmer than usual, and her cheeks pink.

“Oh, I went up to the rooftop bar with Sam, he wanted to smoke a cigarette before he walked me back...” she says. 

You swipe the tangled mess of hair from her bare shoulder, as you pull her body into yours and lean into her ear. “Really baby? Because you don't smell like cigarettes.” you pause, breathing her in, “You smell like sex.”

She turns away from your grasp, and makes strides towards her suitcase. “Did you forget what we were doing earlier?” she says, busying herself with the items in her suitcase.

“Oh, I surely didn’t forget what we were doing. But I’m finding myself more intrigued by what happened when I left. Because this...” you motion to her, “...Is not how I left you.” you snap.

“Nothing happened Jake. Elle felt sick, we all stopped. Sam walked me back to the room.” she says, motioning to the door with her hand. You bite your lips together at the use of her hands. Always her dead giveaway that she was lying, but you hoped to god you were wrong.

“But first a quick pit stop on the roof, right…” you correct.

“Oh, yeah…sorry. What’s with the inquisition? Aren’t you exhausted? Let’s go to bed…” she says, trying to change the subject. But you know. You know her better than anyone knows her. You know exactly how she looks when she's been satisfied.  

“Suddenly I’m not tired at all…” you say, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards you.

You bring your face to her neck and inhale, but what you breathe in is not just her.

Fuck.

“You know, on second thought, you do smell like cigarettes. But you’re not the one that smoked them.” you say, releasing her to stumble back a few steps.

“Yeah, I told you. Sam smoked.” she says, defensively.

“Right, so then what the fuck was his mouth doing on your neck? Your throat? Your chest?! I can smell him all over you Y/N!” you yell, gesturing to her throat.

Her face flashes red as she realizes what you’re asking.

“What are you insinuating Jacob?” she snaps.

“I think you know goddamn good and well what i’m insinuating Y/N! Answer the fucking question!” you yell.

She doesn’t answer, and instead faces away from you, cementing her guilt. 

“Tell me I’m fucking wrong, Y/N! Tell me it’s not what I think! Tell me it's the alcohol messing with my head, because surely it can’t be what I think it is!”

“Stop it Jake!” she screams, a tear springing from her eye.

You step back, and look her up and down, her disheveled appearance finally clicking in your brain. Shock is surely painted all over your face. They didn’t just makeout, no. He fucked her. He fucked her minutes ago.

“Should have known the second I turned my back you would do this. Should have never gone up to their room. In fact, it was never about Elle was it? Just used her as a pawn to get what you wanted. Always just getting what you want, huh, Y/N? You two probably fucking planned this didn’t you?” you seethe.

“Yesterday all cuddled up on the fucking piano… Should have fucking known. I knew this shit would happen.” you snap.

She recoils at your statement, crying harder than you’ve probably ever seen her, but you feel nothing.

“Did he fuck you real good, Y/N? Remember all those special places you just love so much?” you say, shaking your head at her.

“Jake, stop! We…we talked about it! I thought you–” she pleads, trying to grab your hands, but you yank them away from her, completely repulsed by her touch.

“We did?! When exactly did I say it was okay to fuck my brother behind my back? I may have been drinking but I’ll be goddamned if I would ever agree to that! Where’d he fuck you? The bathroom? The elevator? The roof? The stairwell?” you snap, seeing her eyes flash to yours.

“Oh, the stairs…The fucking stairwell I was just in. Probably heard me call your name as he was fucking you, huh? Few more flights and I could have seen you whoring it up with my brother? Fucking sick.” you say, pushing off the dresser, beginning to gather a few things into your pockets.

“You have two seconds…two seconds to tell me the truth. Tell me what you’ve done or I’m fucking out of here.” you say, locking eyes with her.

Her eyes blink away the tears rapidly falling, and her lip trembles, but no sound comes out.

“One.” you say, grabbing your things from the bed. 

“Jake…” she breathes.

“Tell me right fucking now Y/N…Say it out loud. Did you fuck him yes or no…” you press, knowing the answer, but wanting to hear her say it.

You make your way over to her, grabbing her chin between your thumb and pointer finger, as you look into her eyes that are frantically searching yours. 

“Two.” you snap, but still no words leave her lips. She’s done it, and didn’t even have the decency to admit it.

You push her face away, spotting the necklace hanging around her neck, gripping the chain in your fist and snapping the metal as you free it from her. You throw it against the wall as hard as you can as you make your way to the door. “Fucking means nothing! Nothing!”

Her sobs rip through the room, completely devastated, but she deserves it. She completely betrayed you. 

“No! Jake, please! Where are you going?” she begs, tears streaming down her sobbing body.

You swallow harshly, “Anywhere you’re not. Do not fucking call me. Do not text me. Disappear for all I care.” and you slip through the door, slamming it shut behind you.

—

Your world feels like it’s crashing down around you the second the door shuts. You can hear her cries through the heavy wooden door, and you feel your heart twist in your chest. 

You frantically pull your phone from your pocket, but as your screen lights up with a photo of her you quickly shove it back into your pocket with a disgusted huff.

Trekking to the elevator you press the button for floor eleven, thanking yourself for swiping Josh’s extra room key earlier. You are completely out of your mind as the elevator makes its way up the few floors. 

Stepping out with only your phone and your wallet you search for his room, completely unsure of what you’re even going to say to him when you do barge in. Tapping the key to his door you are met with pitch black darkness and the sound of his snores. 

You shut the door quietly behind you, and kick off your shoes, making your way to the small couch near the window calling the small expanse of cushions home for the night. He hasn’t heard you enter, and you’re definitely not going to wake him up and explain all of this. 

Instead you lay down onto your side and try to close your eyes, but the image of her and Sam in the hotel room tonight is still fresh in your mind. You would have never agreed to any of this had you known. The part that was eating you alive was the fact she wanted him enough to even consider sleeping with him when you left. 

Did you really not satisfy her? Had you ever?

Rolling to your back, you pushed the images from your head, but were met with a new image of her face just a few short minutes ago. Red, puffy, completely distraught. What did she expect? You to not notice?

You felt your eyes well with tears. Surely this wasn’t the same girl you’d loved your whole life. The same girl who said she loved you just the same? The girl who promised to love no other?

A tear slipped down your cheek as you brought your phone to life, once again being met with the image of her, just a few weeks ago at the cabin, curled up in front of the fireplace in nothing but your flannel.

Your heart constricted and a choked sob left your chest. How could she do this to you? Had she not tortured you enough? When was enough, enough? How could the two of you ever come back from this? You half expected her to call you, text you, even though you told her not to. Telling her to disappear? How could you be so cruel?  How could she be so cruel?

Then, your mind drifted to Sam. Your own flesh and blood. The ultimate betrayal. You had been kind enough to agree to the things that happened in your presence. Something you didn’t even have to do. In fact you had even given him a little more than anticipated, and how did he repay you? 

You flipped to your other side, repositioning the pillow underneath you, hoping and praying you would fall asleep soon, and be taken somewhere else. Somewhere where none of this existed. But as your eyes finally grew heavy, your mind was filled with her, and the broken look on her face, as if she already knew it was over.

—

In his drunken stupor Josh didn’t close the blinds and the blazing hot morning sun peered in through the window promptly at 6:00am. You had managed a few hours of sleep on the stiff couch, and through Josh’s snoring, but you knew you had to slip out before he ever knew you were here. The last thing you wanted to do was answer his questions. 

You pulled yourself up from the couch, and slid your shoes on, making a quick stop in the bathroom before quietly slipping out the door. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, alerting you to your flight in a few hours. Fuck I still have to pack. 

Your mind raced as you made your way back to your room, wondering what you would find when you got there. Your heart was pounding as you opened the door, finding the room silent and a complete mess. It was dark, just a small peek of light shining through the curtains. Just enough to find your girl in one of your t-shirts, and completely wrapped around one of your flannels, clearly falling asleep as she cried into it. 

Your heart ached at the sight of her, mostly because you weren’t sure if she was your girl still. Or if you even still wanted her to be. You took one last look at her, letting yourself have a few more seconds to feel sorry for yourself, and then you looked away. Now it was time to get serious.

You walked over to the curtains, pulling them open to let the bright light in, and searching for your suitcase. You picked it up and tossed it on the bed, before collecting your things and throwing them inside with no care on whether or not you would wake her. She hadn’t considered you, why should you consider her?

The commotion caused Y/N to sit up suddenly, looking around the room. Her eyes were still red and puffy, and you’re sure she had only fallen asleep what must have been minutes prior to your arrival.

“Jake…” she groaned.

You ignored her, staying focused on your task, packing your things neatly into the metal suitcase.

You made your way to the bathroom, collecting up your toiletries and returning to the room. 

“Jake?” she asks, a little louder. 

You take a deep breath and look at her. “Yes?” you snap.

“Can you– Can we talk?” she begs.

“Are you ready to tell the truth?” you ask.

She looks at you, searching for any words that could possibly explain her situation.

“I said, are you ready to tell the truth…” you quip.

You grab a change of clothes from your suitcase, quickly stripping off your dirty, slept in clothes and exchanging them for the clean items. The items that smell like her favorite laundry detergent. That she washed and folded for you, just for this trip. You swallow heavily, pushing the sentiment to the side of your mind. 

Nothing leaves her lips, and her eyes begin to blink rapidly at the harshness of your tone. 

“Thought you wanted to talk.” you seethe.

“I do!” she begs.

“Then fucking say something!” you shout. “It’s simple Y/N. Did you fuck my brother, yes or no?” you ask, condescendingly.

A tear rolls down her cheek, a quiet few seconds passing before she finally whispers, “Yes.”

“I fucking knew it.” you say, slamming your suitcase shut, and pulling the zipper.

“Jake I–” she starts, before you cut her off.

“Do you love him?” you snap. 

She stares at you wide eyed.

“Answer the question.” you say.

She shakes her head in confusion, and scrambles to stand from the bed. She walks over to you, placing her hand on your arm. Her skin on yours feels like hot coals, burning you in the worst way.

“Yes or no, Y/N.” you say, snapping your arm away from her.

“I don’t know! No! I used to love him, I think! I don’t anymore! It was a mistake, Jake!” she cries. 

“You don’t know!? Well, here’s an easy one for you…Do you love me?” you ask, pulling your suitcase to the floor.

“Yes! Of course I do! You know I love you Jake! I love you more than anything!” she shouts.

“Really?! You could have fucking fooled me! I’m pretty sure love doesn’t look like getting railed by my brother in a fucking stairwell while I search the entire goddamn hotel for you! Then trying to lie and say nothing happened!” you screamed.

“Jake! It wasn’t like that! It–It just happened! We were drinking and smoking, none of us were in our right minds! I don’t know what happened! It didn’t mean anything it just…I don’t know…I fucked up! I don’t know!” she trailed off, trying to collect her thoughts.

“I don’t understand Y/N! I give and I give and I give, and it’s still not enough! You still want him! Why? Why am I not enough?! How can you stand there and tell me that you love me, and then do something like this? How can I ever trust you again?” you shout.

“You are enough Jake! I’m just an idiot! I fucked up. I will never forgive myself. Please, please just stay! We can fix this! I will fix this!” she cries.

“As far as I’m concerned, this…” you pause, motioning between the two of you, “...is fucking destroyed. There is no fix. Do you get that?” you say.

She all but crumbles onto the bed, “Jake…please, you–you don’t mean that…”

You roll your suitcase to the door, and twist the handle, “I do. I do mean it.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you weren’t going to sleep with Elle last night? I saw you! I saw you two together. You wanted her just as bad as she wanted you! The whispering! The noises!” she says.

Heat rises into your face, as you let your words simmer in your mind before letting them fall like razors from your tongue. “Of course I fucking wanted to! Fuck we almost did! But you know what would have happened first? I would have fucking told you. I would have made one hundred percent sure that you were okay with it. Sam too. Then and only then, would I have actually considered it. But you know what? Given the circumstances, maybe I still can. What’s fair is fair, right Y/N?” you say with a shrug. You watch her visibly recoil at the thought.

“Jake! No!” she begs, pulling herself up from the bed. 

“What? It’s okay for you to go behind my back, but it’s not okay for me to go behind yours? Interesting rules in your fucked up little game, Y/N…” you seethe, turning towards her.

“It was a mistake…Please don’t go…I’m so sorry.” she cries.

You shake your head, completely distraught over her every painfilled word. It’s then you spot the necklace you threw so carelessly the night before, crumpled and twisted on the floor, causing your own eyes to well with tears. You flip your sunglasses down over your eyes, and swallow back the lump in your throat. 

You turn to look at her one last time. “It’s too late for ‘I’m sorry’, you should have thought about this while you were screaming someone else's name in a stairwell like a whore… I have to go. Need to go pay someone a visit.”

“Jake, please! Please, you can’t tell her! She–Let Sam tell her. Please!” she hardly manages through her constant tears. 

“I’ll take that into consideration…” you say facetiously. 

“I’ll do anything! Anything! Just don’t go…I…”

“No...You know what? I think you’ve done enough.” you snap.

It guts you as the words leave your mouth. The finality of your words rolling around in your head as you force yourself to step through the door and let it close behind you.

As your feet drag you down the hallway, you press the button for the elevator and as the doors slide open you finally know how it feels to be on the giving end of leaving.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Chapter 20

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[bleach-your-panties]

💔the pathological liar - pro hero! yo shindou x fem! pro hero! gf! reader

warnings: characters aged up to 20+, lying, cheating, arguing, manipulation, gaslighting, sexual activities, non-con (reader does say no), dub-con, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, name-calling, physical struggles, physical fighting (one-sided, so assault?), reader has a smart ass mouth and is kinda toxic as well, slight!yandere!yo, toxic relationships, toxic mindsets, false imprisonment, triggering subject at the end. read at your own risk!

☠️: some dialogue/actions inspired by true events.

💔: banner images from pinterest. 

💔: banner made by me with canva. 

post themes: say my name - destiny's child

                      confessions, parts I & II - usher

                      take a bow - rihanna

                      shake it off - mariah carey

💔 3.5k words

💔read in dark mode for best experience!

🖤series 🖤touya.

—--

—--

I know you say that I am assuming things

Something's going down that's the way it seems

Shouldn't be no reason why you're acting strange

If nobody's holding you back from me

'Cause I know how you usually do

When you're saying everything to me times two

Why can't you just tell the truth?

If somebody's there, then tell me who

—--

"Baby, ain't nothing good. It's all bad."

—--

'Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message system: 

"Shindou, Yo". Cannot come to the phone right now, please leave your message at the tone-'

Before the recording could finish, you were throwing your iPhone across your bed as you shrugged your backpack off of your shoulders.

Your boyfriend, Yo Shindou, never answered his phone when you called. Never when you called, but he'd always immediately send a text or call you back hours later, claiming that his phone was dead or that he'd misplaced it somewhere at the agency. 

Like now, for example. 

'ding'

'Sorry babe, got caught up in something last minute at the agency. Call you back when I'm home. Love you.'

You scoffed as you read over the message.

You wouldn't be getting a call back, that much you knew for certain.

With a sudden urge to be petty, you texted back:

'Something like what, Yo? Another bitch's pussy? Yeah, people at my agency are starting to talk and guess who's the topic of conversation? Just know that the label of 'cheating boyfriend' won't do your "picture perfect" image any justice. Bitch.'

After hitting send, you tossed the phone back onto your bed and that was where it would lay until you got out of the shower. 

As soon as your bathroom door closed, the phone vibrated with another text. 

'Oh, so we're doing this shit again? Bet. I'll be over in 20.'

—

After moisturizing your body and putting on some pajamas, you climbed into bed and pulled out the book that you'd been reading. Leaving your phone discarded somewhere in the covers.

It was starting to get to one of the more interesting parts when a chorus of loud, booming knocks came on your front door.

"Who in the fuck?" You threw the covers back furiously and slipped your fluffy slippers on. 

You walked out of your room and down the hallway, the beating at the door only growing more intense as you sucked your teeth.

"I'm coming, dammit!"

Pulling the door open without checking the peephole first would be your first mistake of the night.

When the messy mop of dark locks, green/yellow hero uniform, and chiseled pecs came into your view, you immediately tried to slam the door shut. Yo wasn't having any of that.

He grabbed the edge of the door, wedging half of his body inside of your apartment before he pushed it forward with force, making it slam and bounce off of the wall. 

Once his boots made contact with the carpeted floor of your apartment, you took multiple steps back, putting about two feet of distance between the two of you.

"What's wrong, baby? You don't look too happy to see me."

Scoffing harshly, you bit your bottom lip between your teeth as you glared up at him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, huh? Beating on my goddamn door like you've lost your mind. Thought you were caught up in something? That just goes to show that all you do is fucking lie. You bitch." 

Yo just looked at you with his face scrunched up. He was clearly irritated with your antics, especially the name-calling. Kicking off his boots, he began to walk towards you. 

"Stop fucking being difficult, Y/N. You know, baby, if you missed me and wanted some dick, all you had to do was ask nicely." 

He said in that irritating, condescending tone that he always uses when talking to those that he feels are beneath him. You being one of those. Even though you're a pro-hero just like he is. 

Not believing what you were hearing, your mouth dropped open. You could feel the blood begin to rise in your ears, loud and whooshing against your skull. 

A dry chuckle then left your lips. 

"You think…that all of this is because I want some dick? Trust me, sweetie, if I just wanted some dick I could go get it from any one of your co-workers. A lot of them have been giving me the eye, you know. Especially since you're never around and I just changed up my hero uniform, so the skirt is short-" 

Yo cut you off by grabbing you by the biceps and yanking you towards him, making you stumble and throw your arms out to try to balance yourself before he then slammed you up against the wall. 

"Don't fucking play with me, Y/N. If you know what's good for you, you'll think twice about trying to entertain one of those bastards. Especially-" 

"Especially who? Bakugou? Oh, he'd be my first choice if I were to step out on you." You smirked up at him. 

He snarled. Your smirk widened as you could physically hear him grinding his teeth. 

Yo was quiet for a moment, just glaring at you as you stared right back at him with a bored look on your face. You even went as far as to yawn.

"Yeah, it's not so fun when the rabbit has the gun, huh?" 

He didn't answer, but instead pulled you off of the wall and hoisted you up over his shoulder. A big hand came up and smacked forcefully against your ass. 

"That's alright. I know how to fix you." He chortled darkly, moving away to begin walking down the hallway to your bedroom. 

"I don't want your community ass dick! Put me down, Yo!" 

He just ignored you and kicked open the door to the room. 

"Sure you don't. You always do this shit to get my attention, Y/N. Catch an attitude, start a stupid ass argument, and then I fuck it out of you. Same shit, different goddamn day, baby." 

Yo said after tossing you onto the bed, making your forgotten phone flop onto the floor. He gave it a puzzled look. 

"Oh, so that's why you seemed so surprised to see me. You didn't read my text." 

He chuckled, reaching to grab your hip to flip you over onto your stomach as if you were a pancake. 

Rough hands began to caress your feet, ankles, and legs, all the way up to your inner thighs and bottom of your ass cheeks, just under the hem of your nightdress. 

"No panties? Yeah, you were definitely planning on getting dicked down tonight, you needy little slut." 

SMACK

SMACK 

Your back arched off of the bed at the painful stinging of Yo's slaps. His hands felt heavy as lead as they connected with your soft flesh. 

SMACK

SMACK

SMACK

"Where are you going? Thought you liked when I spank you, huh?"

Yo wrapped an arm around your waist to bring you back when you tried crawling up the bed to escape him.

"Stop it, Yo…hurts…" You whined. 

"It hurts, Yo, please stop." He mocked. "Stop being a fucking brat, then."

He grabbed one of your ass cheeks and squeezed hard, making you moan out involuntarily. 

"Moaning like this but you don't want my dick? I bet you're dripping fucking wet for me right now, Y/N. Dare me to check?"

You didn't respond, which prompted Yo to do as he suggested and slip two fingers underneath you between your ass cheeks to get to your slick folds.

"Damn baby, all this for me, yeah? Only me."

He growled. With his large hand, he covered your entire bare pussy and activated his Quirk.

A harsh shiver wracked through your entire body, another soft moan leaving your lips. Yo only pressed harder, moving his fingertips to graze over your clit repeatedly.

"Y-Yo…please, daddy…" You whined, making him smirk down at you. He increased the vibration of his fingers along with rubbing your clit from side to side.

"Say you're sorry for bringing up Bakugou and I might let you feel this fat dick next..." Yo rested his upper body against your back and snaked his free arm under you to hold you up off the bed just a bit.

"No..I'm…n-not sorry. I meant it. Oh fuck!" 

Yo grimaced before grabbing you and flipping you back over onto your back. 

"What did you say?" 

Your e/c eyes were wet with unshed tears as you frowned up at his handsome face. You didn't falter.

"You heard me." 

"I thought I told you that if you know what's good for you, you won't even think about that motherfucker!" He seethed.

"I obviously don't know what's good for me if I'm still fucking around with you!"

Before you knew what was happening, Yo had pinned you to the bed by your throat. Moving between your legs, he used his knees to spread them.

"Yo, stop!"

"Shut up, bitch. You'll learn to stop pissing me off one day."

His belt hit the bed as he undid it, his black pants and underwear soon following it. You tried to pull your legs up, but he surged forward, pushing his hard dick inside you with one thrust.

Head falling back against the soft mattress, you couldn't help but keen as Yo began a rough, fast pace. He gripped your calf to pull you closer and stretch you open wider for him.

"Yes, Yo…right there! I'm going to cum!" 

Yo grunted in response, trying to hold back from cumming himself.

"Yeah, baby? My fingers got you all ready to cum on my dick? Let it go then, oh shit." 

He sped up even more, making your free breasts bounce outside of your nightgown and the headboard hit the wall. It already had a small dent in it from your previous heated romps, but neither of you seemed to care very much.

It could be painted over once you moved out.

"Oh God, I…!" 

Your release splashed against Yo's pelvis and drenched the sheets beneath you.

"Ah, fuck. Yeah, made that little pussy squirt, huh? Stay still for me, baby. I'm about to nut." 

Your eyes widened. "Yo, no. You're not wearing a condom and I haven't replaced my NuvaRing yet!" 

It had been out for five days now while you waited on your doctor to send in a new prescription. 

That didn't stop him. Either he was too deep into his impending orgasm to hear you, or he was flat out ignoring you. 

"Yo!"

"SHIT! AGHH!" 

Blind fury clouded your vision while Yo's was clouded for a completely different reason altogether.

"Damn…" He breathed out, making sure to stay deep inside you until he was finished cumming.

Once you got your bearings, you sat up abruptly, making Yo stumble back onto his elbows. He sucked his teeth once he saw your angered face. 

"What's wrong, sweetheart? You don't want to have my baby?"

"Yo, we're both in our early 20's at the height of our hero careers. We're nowhere near ready for a damn baby!" 

The raven-haired man was about to respond until a soft, vibrating sound silenced the both of you.

You slowly swung your legs over the side of the bed, searching for the source of the noise.

Bending down, you surveyed the floor briefly. Your forgotten cell phone lay halfway underneath the bed.

It's not your phone going off. 

Yo could've been mistaken for a ghost; you watched his face blanch white while he patted the pockets of his discarded pants searching for the missing device.

A race against time, but you spotted it first.

With the rectangular device being tangled in your covers, Yo almost knocked you off the bed trying to get to it, but you were way faster than him. It was already in your hand.

tatas💕: my appointment is at 3pm tomorrow. are you going to be able to make it?

You scrunched your nose and swatted Yo's hand away while reading the text.

"Appointment? What is this about, and why does Tatami need you there?"

Cold e/c eyes turned to stone while you watched Yo fidget nervously. This is one of the only times you've seen him like this; the other when he asked you out for the first time.

"Y/N…do you love me?"

"What kind of question is that, Yo? If I didn't, would I still be with you?"

"Unconditionally?"

Your nose scrunched. Something isn't right…

You knew all about Tatami. Yo's ex-girlfriend from high school. He told you that he broke it off during their third year because she was becoming too clingy. You'd even met her once, when you had a joint mission with her agency.

"Yes…"

"Say you'll never leave me?"

Oh hell no. He was asking too many questions now.

"What did you do, Yo? Huh?!" 

He just hung his head. His phone vibrated again in your hand. 

----

Everything that I've been doing is all bad

I've got a chick on the side

With the crib and the ride 

I've been telling you so many lies 

Aint none good, it's all bad

And I just wanna confess, it's been going on so long 

Girl I been doing you so wrong and I want you to know that 

----

"Everytime you called my phone, I wasn't at the agency working overtime…I..I was with Tatami."

A long, loud sigh left your lips. Your free hand came up, knuckles resting against your forehead.

I don't want to look, but I know I have to…

"Y/N.." Yo warned.

new message

"Y/N, please, baby…"

tatas💕: i know the doctor said that we won't know the sex until about 20 weeks, but i can't help being so excited! we're possibly going to have a little yo running around soon! 👶🏻

Your grip on the phone tightened. 

----

If I could turn back the hands of time 

And start all over I would

Instead of everything being all bad, baby

Everything'll be all good

I know today is the day that I end all the lying and the playing and the bullshit, girl 

----

"Y/N, I'm sorr-" 

WHAM!

Your knuckles that you'd been resting against your forehead went across Yo's face at the speed of light. You punched him hard as hell in his face, making him tumble over and off the foot of the bed. The sight would've been hilarious if you weren't so fucking pissed.

"I knew I was right…." You chuckled. "I fucking knew it. You knew that she was pregnant, too. You've known for months."

Yo looked up at you with big, watery eyes full of regret. Almost like he was a different person entirely. 

One hand clutched his throbbing cheek. You'd hit him so hard that his lower lip busted. His perfect face would soon be discolored black and blue, across his forehead, nose (that was also bleeding now), and right eye.

"I'm sorry! Baby, I'm sorry!" 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YO! YOU'RE ONLY SORRY BECAUSE YOU GOT FUCKING CAUGHT!"  You raged. You lunged off the bed at him and started hitting him everywhere, as hard as you could. You even grabbed two handfuls of his black hair and yanked his head around.

Yo finally grabbed your arms and pinned them against your chest. You'd grown exhausted, so you just let yourself fall against his naked chest.

A bitter chuckle, then the tears, hot and angry. You couldn't hold them any longer as you looked up at Yo, staring at his swollen, beaten face.

"You're so fucking ugly when you cry. What the fuck are you crying for, huh? I'm the one that got cheated on. Lied to, played with, manipulated." 

"Not only did you fucking lie to me and cheat on me, but you fucked around and got the bitch pregnant, too. This has got to be a joke."

Yo slowly crawled up from the floor with you in his arms, blood dripping down his nose and lip, staining the carpet, then the bedsheets while you covered your face with your hands and sobbed. 

He cradled you gently and laid his head against yours, lips kissing at the temples.

"Baby, please…we can work this out. I don't love her. I love you, but I…I still want to be there for the baby…"

Your brokenhearted wails only increased in volume.

"Don't cry, baby. I promise I'll be here for you and our baby, too."

—-

Three Months Later 

Yo made good on his word to be there for you.

Shortly after his "confession", you found out that you were pregnant as well.

Tatami is currently six months along, while you're only three.

Turns out that all of this was a part of Yo's twisted plan. 

Instead of your late birth control being due to your doctor's or the pharmacy's incompetence, it was Yo who called the doctor's office pretending to be your husband and had them cancel your refill request. 

Yo then demanded suggested that you take time off from hero work while you were carrying his child, which you slightly agreed with, but still did so with reluctance.

You don't know how he did it, but you guessed being one of the top 20 heroes carried with it a lot of weight for him to be able to take off enough to make it to all of yours and Tatami's appointments.

He even moved you out of your apartment and into his. Into your own room. 

The reason that you had your own room was because Tatami ended up losing her apartment due to being out of work, so Yo moved her in as well. 

With the way that the living arrangements had been set up, you and Tatami might as well have been sister wives.

To attempt to keep things "fair" between the both of you, Yo would designate certain nights where either of you would get to sleep in the room with him. So neither of you would feel neglected by him.

His heart was in the right place, wasn't it? 

Even when you could clearly hear the whispered moans and soft creaking of the bed from Yo's room on Tatami's nights.

No matter how you tried to make yourself not hear it. 

Yo didn't want you stressing out, he claimed, so he bought you many expensive gifts and gadgets to help you get a good night's rest.

None of them worked. 

Not when the walls in that apartment were paper thin.

Many nights you cried and raged to yourself. 

Obviously all of that stress wasn't healthy for the baby.

Which leads you to today.

A pair of dark sunglasses hiding your eyes along with a long trench coat and hat to conceal the rest of your persona.

They were loud and jarring as you walked in, but your world had gone numb three months ago. Now you were trapped inside your own world as you stepped up three flat steps into a white, brick building. 

A ghost clutching a brown clipboard only made the atmosphere even gloomier before whisking you away from the judgemental eyes and into a plainly decorated room with blue walls.

She read over the papers first then handed the clipboard to you, one more questioning look being shot your way. 

You just gave a simple nod.

—-

"You have reached the voicemail box of L/n, Y/n. I can't come to the phone right now, but leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!"

BEEP.

Yo sighed heavily and put his head in his hands before standing up to walk out of your completely barren bedroom.

Before he closed the door, he whispered softly,

"Why, Y/n?" 

Your location on his phone showed him exactly where you were.

—-

Gotta make that move 

Find somebody who

Appreciates all the love I give

Boy, I gotta 

Gotta do what's best for me

Baby and that means I gotta shake you off

—--

a/n: i think this piece was a pretty strong start to the series! i'm really proud of it! stay tuned, there's plenty more bullshit to come!

*remember, if you get angry enough at your partner that you feel like wanting to put your hands on them, just walk away! 

[goodqueenaly]

Is there much in the text to really get a sense of the relationship between Aegon III and Jaehaera? it seems like there was not any investigation of her death and wondering if that's a sign of anything? Maybe because of just reading on investigation of Amy Robsart's death from a fall that my mind went to the mystery around Queen Jaehaera. Unsure if it makes sense, but reading fan message boards on the topic where a prevalent idea Aegon III was too young to have made a fuss one way or the other.

Inherent to Fire and Blood Volume 1 - and this is one of the major weaknesses of the book IMO - is that we as readers are kept at arm’s length from the characters GRRM (via Gyldayn) describes. Because the conceit of the book is that it was written by a maester living more than a century and a half after most of the events he records, we cannot have the same personal narrative experience of characters that we get in ASOIAF or the Tales of Dunk and Egg. Consequently, we are far more limited in how much we can say about the personal feelings of any given character, or the personal relationship between any two characters. (Except the points in the book when GRRM decided to forgo the conceit entirely, but that’s a different story.)

To the extent that we do get any insight into the relationship between Aegon III and Jaehaera, Gyldayn emphasizes the lack of personal interaction between the two. Gyldayn states that the two “had very little contact with one another [after the wedding] save on formal occasions”. Even interactions on such occasions were apparently rare, according to Gyldayn, because “the little queen was loath to leave her chambers” and “never left her own apartments”. Too, Gyldayn states that after Unwin Peake took over the regency government, “Queen Jaehaera hid in seclusion in her chambers” while “King Aegon trained in the yard by morning and stared at the stars by night”. (Note that while Gyldayn reports the contemporary rumors that Jaehaera killed herself out of grief that she “loved [Aegon] with all her heart, yet he paid her no mind, showed her no affection” and “did not even share his rooms with her”, Gyldayn provides no source for this rumor, and indeed admits the higher likelihood that Jaehaera was murdered.)

Of course, it is very understandable why Aegon and Jaehaera would not have been very close to other another. As Grand Maester Munkun himself noted at the time, ��[b]oth of them [were] broken”, very much traumatized by the tragedies they had witnessed firsthand or experienced in their still-short lives: the violence and cruelty of Blood and Cheese, the assault on Aegon and Viserys’ ship in the Narrow Sea followed by Aegon’s harrowing flight home on Stormcloud (and the loss, seemingly permanently, of his younger brother), the deaths of nearly every member of their respective immediate families (including the immolation and draconic devouring of Aegon’s mother in front of him). Add to all of this whatever GRRM wanted to imply with Jaehaera in babyhood - that from her birth Jaehaera “did not cry … did not smile … did none of the things a babe was meant to do” - and it’s pretty evident that both Aegon and Jaehaera were deeply scarred children suffering from severe emotional trauma that really no one in-universe was trying to treat (even if any would have been equipped to do so, which is far from certain). Brought together in a solely political marriage (itself aimed to address the violent recently ended war between their dead parents), deeply scarred while still young children - after all, we’re talking about an 11-year-old and an eight-year-old - neither Aegon nor Jaehaera was positioned personally or emotionally to become close to the other. 

It’s also important to note that whatever Aegon’s feelings toward his late “little queen” were either ahead of and/or immediately after her death, he was (purposefully) given very little opportunity to consider, much less mourn, her passing (read: murder). Unwin Peake, having had Jaehaera killed by his agents Mervyn Peake and Tessario the Tiger, moved with what both contemporaries and Gyldayn the historian considered unseemly, openly ambitious speed to force Aegon into another betrothal, specifically to his own daughter. Indeed, Ben Blackwood “questioned the haste of” the betrothal, as in his mind “Aegon should have been allowed half a year at least to mourn his little queen” (in, perhaps, standard Westerosi fashion for widowers). Whether or not Aegon would have actually wanted to or felt prepared to mourn Jaehaera - and again, the lack of introspection forced by the conceit of F&B really limits how much we can speculate on his feelings - he himself was thrust, suddenly and unwillingly, into the role of new bridegroom, faced with the prospect of marrying yet another unknown maiden while he himself was still suffering so much.

As far as the lack of investigation goes … I think the regency council and court became distracted too quickly by the question of Aegon’s remarriage to consider the manner of Jaehaera’s death. Because Peake had moved with such “presumptuous” speed in trying to slip Myrielle into Jaehaera’s place, the other regents and the Westerosi aristocracy at large had to react very quickly to what was very obviously a power play on Unwin’s part. The flurry of responses, both censuring and nuptial, to Unwin’s move, and the subsequent recalibration of his plan into the Maiden’s Day Cattle Show, meant that the matter of Jaehaera’s death lost its immediate significance. With “no shred of proof” against Unwin for Jaehaera’s death (as Gyldayn is at pains to insist), very little way to prove Unwin’s guilt beyond a confession from any of the conspirators involved, and an ostensibly plausible explanation for her death (in the deliberate parallel between Jaehaera and her mother), Jaehaera’s murder was simply not a target for inquiry. Nor, of course, would Peake have encouraged any real investigation into Jaehaera’s death, considering he himself arranged the murder in the first place: indeed, Unwin brutally distracted from his own guilt in the matter by having his ally George Graceford torture the queen’s servants for inconsequential misdeeds and mistakes and his other ally Lucas Leygood arrest and torture a septa merely for words against Jaehaera. 

(Incidentally, I wrote about Amy Dudley’s death a while ago.)

[carefulfears]

Hello! I hope you’re having a splendid day, I was wondering if you’d care to share your thoughts on Small Potatoes? I find it fascinating in terms of Mulder and Scully’s relationship, especially Scully’s side of it.

aw hey darling, thank you so much!!

(some earlier chats about small potatoes: here and here)

(light mentions of in-universe SA below the cut)

“gillian was a little nervous about the scene between scully and fake mulder. she didn’t want it to seem like all scully needed to give in and kiss mulder was to get a little wine in her. i didn’t want it to come across like that either. but i told her that these two characters had such a history and had such a great deal of affection for each other that was always just under the surface, and this was more about the two of them loosening their inhibitions just a little. this was not a complete stranger, this was mulder.” - vince gilligan

small potatoes is kind of…..embarrassing for her!

3 things, babes

1/

this moment here, when "mulder" scoots in closer to her, she looks apprehensive, like she doesn't trust it...before leaning in and opening her mouth.

when "mulder" shows up at her door on the weekend with a bottle of wine, she questions it multiple times, even asking him if he's okay, asking him what's going on, clearly concerned. they do spend a lot of time together, and they do talk to each other, but rarely without another direction; rarely without being on the way to another goal.

but ultimately, she quiets her instincts (dana!!!!!) and her unease. she wants to spend time with him, with no excuse or cover. she wants to drink wine with him on a friday night and tell him all about her prom date. she wants to be close to him, and she wants to kiss him.

(worth pointing out that in dreamland ii, scully figures out that morris isn't actually mulder only after he invites her to dinner...from learned experience, she believes body-switching more plausible than the idea that he would be openly interested in her. bleak!)

2/

now, we don't get to see real mulder's journey in this episode, but it's safe to assume that when he escaped the hospital: the first thing that he did was rush scully's apartment.

van blundt is a predator, but not through violence or coercion. his M.O. is that he's lazy, small, and opportunistic. he assaults women by shifting into men they already want to be with, in order for it to appear consensual to them, and all of his previous victims were mislead by him disguising himself as their husbands.

when van blundt takes mulder's identity, mulder is aware enough to burst through the door of scully's apartment franticly and immediately.

3/

awkward and embarrassing!

a month later, mulder visits van blundt in prison per his request, where he tells mulder, "i was born a loser, but you're one by choice."

mulder has opportunities, and he does have choices.

as they walk out, scully keeps her hands in her pockets (she'll keep them to herself) and says, "i don't imagine you need to be told this, mulder, but you're not a loser."

the choice that he's made, that he's making, is alright.

(also, no girl, he does not need to be told that. he walked in on you practically jumping "him." but he's her favorite person.)

all in all......small potatoes takes the underlying tension of episodes like never again (and later, detour) and makes it blatantly unavoidable.

she wants this kind of attention, enough to bypass red flags and lean into it, but that’s not the choice that’s being made. and sometimes that’s uncomfortable to realize.

[zhouxiangs]

You asked for insane meta about Way so brace yourself! This thesis is going to be a full-throated defence of the world’s most problematic loser (defence of his character, not his actions mind you). TBH I can’t believe I’m going to write an essay about a show which is at best nonsensical and at worst built around a premise I find both cringeworthy and inherently offensive, but what can I say – I’m a sucker for well-acted foils with sad eyes and complex characterisation!

In the aftermath of ep 9, I’ve become increasingly frustrated at the number of takes which firmly centre the assault (and the mind-influencing) in terms of Way’s supposed feelings of possession/jealously/entitlement towards Babe, without taking into consideration his identity as a victim of lifelong grooming and abuse, as well as the particulars of their specific situation. Before I go any further, I just want to issue a disclaimer (cos I know ppl will come for me) that a) I’ve not read the book and quite frankly would not go near it with a ten foot pole, so everything that follows is based on show canon alone (and anything in the book which might contradict me is therefore irrelevant!), and b) trying to contextualise someone’s behaviour is in no way the same thing as trying to apologise for or justify it – it’s about attempting to understand why someone felt compelled to act the way they did, which yes in real life is virtually always because of toxic masculinity/misogyny/male entitlement, but we all know this show is (thankfully) not based in the real world!

Unlike with other characters, we haven’t seen flashbacks of Way’s time at Tony’s so we don’t know as much about his experience. But there are some observations which seem fairly obvious and others which are reasonable inferences: we know he lived on the streets (so in all likelihood didn’t come from a loving, stable family environment), we know he takes anti-anxiety medication, we know he’s terrified of Tony, who has emotionally and physically abused him (just look at his entire demeanour in that one scene – no way that’s the first time Tony’s laid hands on him), and that everything he has (including the clothes on his back) actually belongs to Tony, who wouldn’t hesitate to take it all away in the blink of an eye. We know he was groomed to (ugh) impregnate Babe, and we know his power is very strong (and yet he’s presumably never used it to escape Tony which is further evidence of the effect of the grooming/abuse). It’s also likely that, until he met Babe, he hadn’t known much in the way of physical affection, not just because of the horrible environment he grew up in, but because it seems likely that anyone aware of his powers would be wary about getting too close (literally).

So bearing all that in mind, we have this messed up, emotionally stunted, not quite an adult who is sent out into the world with one purpose: to knock up Babe. And then he meets this person, who looks like Pavel, and whose ignorance means he thinks nothing of slinging an arm around Way’s shoulder, of hugging him, touching him – of course he falls in love! But he’s on a mission, remember. And if he fails, he can expect more denigration, more violence. So he thinks to himself, it’s fine – maybe he’ll fall for me too and then we can have beautiful little babies and Tony will be satisfied and leave us alone and everyone will live happily ever after (apart from the aforementioned beautiful little babies who will be trafficked but hey, you can’t have everything!). So time passes, and Babe is flirty but nothing more, and all the while Tony is there in the background, threatening, manipulating. And as the years go by, Way becomes more and more anxious, more and more desperate (ten years! Ten years he's been living this terrible double life!), because he knows that if he fails it will mean nothing but pain, not just for him but for Babe as well – better he gets Babe to love him back than having to let Tony do it his way.

And so let’s put the mind-screwing of Babe into that context: as I said, Way’s power is supposedly very strong, and yet (up until the last ep) when we’ve seen him use it on Babe it’s usually been more of a subtle influencing than an outright compulsion, and even then it’s one that apparently wears off almost the second Babe leaves his side! Way: ‘Oh Babe, you should totally dump Charlie, no good will come of it.’ Babe: ‘Totally, yes, you’re absolutely spot-on – I’ll get right on it!’ [Five minutes later, after Charlie has googly-eyed his way back into Babe’s orbit] ‘Eh, all is forgotten – let’s fuck!’ So forgive me for finding it hard to believe that Babe’s commitment issues have all these years been single-handedly engineered by Way. Do we really think Babe escaped Tony without any baggage, any trust issues of his own?? That he was totally open to and ready for unconditional love and a healthy relationship if only evil Way hadn’t interfered?? And have we forgotten the part where Way said ‘haven’t YOU always told ME not to tie my life to anyone else?’ (emphasis mine)? When Way says there’s no-one else who’s truly loved them, do we honestly think that’s manipulation and not just something he genuinely believes himself?? This is not a well-adjusted man, people!

But even if we disregard all that, remember the context! If Babe finds love elsewhere, what do you (or more importantly, what does Way) think Tony will do? Shrug and let Babe skip off into the sunset hand in hand with his new beau? If you put his isolating of Babe into that context then imo it looks very different – it’s not a jealous creep ensuring his target stays by his side, but a scared, conflicted pawn trying to buy them more time, stave off the awful inevitable. I might not agree with him, but I do think in Way’s eyes he’s PROTECTING Babe. Like I said earlier, Tony is still controlling everything; he’s ALLOWING Way this semblance of freedom, of doing it on his own terms, but only on the condition that Way fulfils his end of the bargain, and if he can’t, well Tony will just get it done himself, and you can guarantee it won’t be pretty. (Now I’m not saying Way’s feelings for Babe don’t also play a part, but hey guess what, humans are complex, multi-faceted beings who sometimes are not even aware themselves of their own motivations!)

Nowhere is that more obvious than in the assault scene itself. This isn’t a guy just trying to get laid, get what’s ‘rightfully his’ - this is someone falling apart, someone driven by desperation, who sincerely believes this abhorrent act is the best – the only – way forward (again, before the pitchforks appear: not saying that excuses/justifies his action – nothing does). Notice that after Babe revives, Way doesn’t try and compel him again, even though there’s ample physical contact tween them – he’s only interested in trying to make Babe understand. And notice he hasn’t tried to compel Babe in this way before – it’s only after his true identity has been revealed and he knows there’s no going back that he falls back on this despairing, horrific last resort. (And there's one thing I’m really curious about - Way’s just found out that Tony lied about him being the only enigma left, that Pete’s one too, and that Pete (who is evidently powerful himself) wants to take Tony down. So consider this: had Way’s secret not been revealed, do we think this revelation would have been the tipping point that let him envision another way out? One in which he doesn’t have to (further) betray Babe, but instead helps him defeat Tony and opens up the possibility of a future where they’re all truly free to choose their own destiny? Regardless of his feelings for Babe, you can’t tell me he seriously wanted things to go down the way they did.)

Okay, the end is now in sight, but just in case I haven’t pissed people off enough, here’s the part where I lay into Babe! Not about the assault, obviously. Would hope it doesn’t need to be said that he is in no way whatsoever responsible for that. No, my issue with Babe is the glaring discrepancy tween his words and actions when it comes to his friendship with Way. Time and time again he says that Way’s his closest, bestest friend, the only one he trusts, yada yada. And yet his actions never back that up. From what we see of their relationship, this unwavering loyalty and intimacy only seems goes one way – Way worships Babe, knows everything about him, and Babe is content to sit back and soak up all that adulation. It’s why he never addresses Way’s feelings for him - he doesn’t want to jeopardise their set-up. Yes, obviously it’s in Way’s own interest not to share with/confide in Babe because of what he’s hiding, but at no point do we see Babe actually express any real interest in Way as an individual, in his (lack of) ambition, his (lack of) relationships. E.g. in the conversation where Babe makes a comment about Way’s boy getting jealous and Way laughs it off saying he doesn’t have anyone and Babe knows that – Babe’s not actually concerned, he’s not actually interested, he’s not really even thinking about Way as he says it - he probably doesn’t even hear Way’s response! He’s preoccupied by his own relationship woes. Think about it, Way is only really able to maintain his secret identity because Babe is, to be blunt, not at all interested in his life! Let’s face it, nobody on this show is exactly great at stealth so there's no way Way (hah) would've been able to keep it up for ten years if Babe had ever actually tried to learn more about him. He doesn’t know Way takes anti-anxiety meds, he doesn’t wonder about Way’s lack of friends or lovers or family, he asks once about Way being content losing to him then accepts his answer and never thinks about it again. I genuinely think Way more or less stops existing to Babe the second he leaves his sight (unless they’re fighting but that’s only because it’s an inconvenience!). Sorry to say it, but Babe is just self-centred! I mean, look at the way his professionalism took a flying jump when Charlie entered the picture - he didn’t think about Dean, he didn’t think about how his blatant favouritism would affect the team dynamic or performance (yeah Way was totally right about that!) – he just thought about himself. He drops Way, his supposed closest, bestest friend, like a hot potato the second Charlie shows up, he cries on his shoulder when they break-up and then stands him up the second a reconciliation is in sight. And he never really apologises for anything – he just bats his eyelashes, gets a bit handsy, and wheedles his way back into Way’s good books because he knows he can. Because he knows Way can’t say no to him, can’t stay mad at him. Ignoring the unrequited love, the mind wipes, and the general batshit insanity of the plot for a second: Babe is just a shitty friend, there's no two ways about it!

TBC... (1/2)

LISTEN there's no real way to measure how good/bad something is, the only thing that actually matters is if you enjoy the thing or not; i've watched and am watching objectively better shows that don't mean a tenth of what this one means to me, so listen to your heart, anon. also here, take this. you deserve it:

that being said! thank you so much for putting this so eloquently because honestly pretty much SAME, and i could never lmao but i'm going to try to reply to this slowly so i can hopefully make sense of my thoughts/put them in order a bit. apologies in advance bc this will take me A While. (i really mean it when i say thank you so so much for this, i gasped when i saw the beginning of the ask and then the (1/2) at the bottom???? ANYWAY PEOPLE IF YOU'RE READING THIS 👆 which you totally should, because it's wonderful, enjoy! it will be very worth your time.)

psa: just like anon i am basing all my readings and theories solely on my observations of the show, since i haven't read the novel and i am considering it its own story separate from this anyway. please do not take this as any kind of invitation for novel spoilers. thank you. i will read it eventually. unless i lose interest before that happens, in which case i won't.

another psa i guess re: contextualisation of a character's behaviour and actions =/= justifying or excusing them. absolutely! i do not defend way's actions although i do defend way as a character; i would love to pry him open like an old clock and learn how those pretty gears of his make him work, for what is worth. but also we're talking about a fictional character and his fictional actions, please don't forget that. (not directed specifically at anon) (yeah fiction does have an impact in the real world but we should be engaging with it as discerning adults, so. yk.)

also one last thing (truly) before i get to the actual reply, because this will be relevant later so i'd rather make a blanket statement now: as the audience we're drawing our interpretations on things that may very well be a product of different acting abilities, storytelling, a weird script, etc. more than deliberate narrative or interpretative choices. sometimes roses don't mean a thing! such is life, but whatever the reason all this is still in the final piece, so we're pretending they do.

ok, let's go.

yeahh you can really tell how different people's readings of characters/situations are just from this, i've been reading some truly (to me) wild things especially since last ep aired. by which i mean that i simply don’t see how anyone gets to that reading. and of course that's normal, ymmv, and none of us might be correct at all; tbf we could even argue that there isn’t a correct way to interpret anything. after all everyone perceives life through the lens of their lived experiences etc. so let’s have fun with the meta. but back to way: even ignoring the fact that my understanding of his character and motivations seems to be completely different to some people's, i'd say generally i'm just more interested in understanding the why and the how more than caring about any kind of morals. this doesn't mean i don't dislike characters, only that it’s mostly just because (as an example: i don't like top from dff not because of what we saw in the last ep, but because he annoys me so much. on the other hand i like fluke, because he is. certainly something. still want him to die though.) it doesn't have to be related to how i’d see them as a person, if that explains it better; i’m not saying they’re fictional and therefore we shouldn’t care that much either or i wouldn’t be on tumblr in the first place. also i am currently writing about my blorbo so that would make me a liar lol i guess what i wanted to say with all this is that even if i agreed with those interpretations, that wouldn't necessarily make me not like way because this just doesn’t factor into me liking or disliking a character. also i don’t judge people and characters them the same way, and i don’t choose to like or dislike a character/piece of media independently of how objectively or morally good or not it is. i enjoy seeing how characters work and what they do, i just don’t assign any moral value to what they do idk. also it’s the blorbo that chooses the tumblr user, not the other way around. tangent over, hopefully lol

that’s something i absolutely need: way backstory. please. tbh i’m not sure how literally we should take the thing about being homeless (did he literally live in the streets or did tony mean that he didn’t have anything/a family and he would be completely alone without him?) but for the sake of drama i’m rolling with it. there’s a more obvious reason tony takes them in as kids other than they’re more easily manipulable, which is their malleability. if there’s something everyone knows about abusers is how much easier it is for them to control their victim(s) by isolating them from their families and loved ones, and the kids mostly arrived to tony already like that. they are completely at his mercy, and either through (the illusion of) love or fear, it is so easy for tony to control the children even into adulthood. also we’ve seen how he treats each one differently and i assume way is so love starved because of how he’s been treated his whole life, and while on some level i get keeping a tighter leash on him because he’s so special/necessary, specially being the only one left, and he may have turned out a completely different person/been less afraid and dependant if he wasn’t abused… holy shit. even when tony cups way’s face in his hand in jeff’s flashback as a sign of affection and encouragement, way doesn’t look anything other than terrified. so yeah, personally i have no doubt that tony’s been ruthless with him. as i said in a different post i think way is completely hopeless; to me he sees tony as someone all powerful, which adds to why he is still under his control even if way is, that we know as of now, more powerful than him and could technically use his powers to escape. also i think his powers work more as a strong suggestion, but i’ll circle back to this later when it’s relevant again, sorry lol

kinda tangentially: i would love to know if any of tony’s grown kids that he didn’t sell (yet?) love him in some way? either the ones we know or some others we don’t, because loving your abuser is not something you can control, and the father/child dynamic makes it extra complicated imo. i don’t believe tony capable of consistently treating anyone well for a second, but i do wonder if some of them were… luckier. 

OOOH THE PHYSICAL AFFECTION. can you believe me, certified way expert (self-diagnosed), hadn't even thought about that? i’m not naturally a touchy person except with animals for some reason, think… pretty much way with everyone else that isn’t babe lol, and maybe because of that i tend to notice touches a lot (bet no one could have guessed that from my gifs) so i noticed how stiff way is sometimes around everyone else, even with alan which seems to be the one he’s closest to after babe, when he’s so touchy with babe. and yet it didn’t occur to me even though jeff has explained before having to go through something similar because of his powers smh but yes that makes total sense! their physicality is one thing i love about their friendship, just because i love seeing people being like that, i think it’s sweet.

see this is something i find interesting regarding people’s reactions to both charlie and way, because charlie also approached babe under false pretenses while still under tony’s thumb. he lied to babe, and yes he may have had a completely different agenda to begin with, but ultimately both charlie and way approached babe with a goal, fell in love, and are trying to protect him each in their own way. only charlie is hopeful and less broken, and at the core of way there’s mostly despair, but both of them are doing what they think is their best to protect babe: charlie thinks they can escape tony so he tries to do that, and way believes none of them can so he thinks at least being together will make things more bearable. (i don’t think he’s thought a lot about the babies for some reason, maybe because i imagine myself in his position and think about how horrifying it would be to even ponder about.) i’m not saying we should condemn charlie, but i don’t understand the double standard. and not to turn this into the omegaverse oppression olympics, but it’s pretty clear already for the very little we’ve seen of way with tony that charlie has a way less brutal past with him than way does, so it’s no wonder to me that he’s still optimistic. not to mention that judging by age alone charlie has been in the family for a lot less time. AND not to mention comparing him to babe. worlds apart.

see?

literally!!! honestly i think way’s powers work more as a strong suggestion than anything else, which still doesn’t make them useless by any means but it’s not the same influencing someone than changing his mind, which is why he kept mind-controlling babe as his relationship with charlie progressed and he grew more desperate, because he had to kept going back every time babe thought through what he was feeling. imo he’s just putting an idea in the person’s mind not changing their whole psyche, so unless they accept it (babe believing his words because he’s someone he trusts) they can fight it off (both babe and charlie right after the SA attempt scene). 

ALSO YES ABSOLUTELY this is what i think about the most. everyone in that family is emotionally stunted and understandably so, but with this we get to the crux of way and babe’s relationship imo. (and again this is my interpretation according to what we’ve been told/shown so far, if it turns out to be something different nevermind, etc.) they met each other 10 years ago when both of them were alone and hurt (babe because he’d found out the truth, way because *waves around at everything*), they became friends, they became each other’s support, they became best friends!! and yes they had a father uncle figure of sorts they could rely on in alan and they had the rest of the team, but they became completely dependent on each other. their whole relationship seems to have been based around the ethos that no one else understands them like each other (which is funny considering how true that was for way even if babe had no idea, and in a way is no wonder he fell in love when babe didn’t) which kinda trapped them in a feedback loop. of course babe thought exactly like that 10 years ago are you kidding me? the commitment issues were the least of his concerns. they kept telling both themselves and each other that as long as babe had way and way had babe they didn’t need anyone else, but while way was waiting for babe to look at him and notice that they could be together romantically babe was slowly but surely healing and moving on from under the shadow of the chen family. something that way can’t do. and then charlie came along, and he didn’t have the pheromone which meant babe could enjoy their time together, and babe was finally ready to trust someone enough to fall in love, only that someone wasn’t way.

most importantly, it’s not only that things will go badly for both of them (which. is already enough lol) after this, but that way wants for things to stay the same. up until charlie showed up babe legitimately only cared about racing, the team, and way. even if way hadn’t been in love with babe, i think it’s perfectly understandable that he would have felt left behind, even with babe still spending many hours with him, just because they used to be together all the time. even alan said so.

and of course to make matters worse there’s the whole thing of the inescapable horrors of tony’s plan and all that, so really, no wonder way has been getting so desperate. also (and i can’t believe i’m using exactly the same defense i was using for CHARLIE at the beginning of the series) i do believe way has been sincere in that he believes what he says and he believes he is doing the best he can for babe. does not mean it actually is the best or good at all but it’s what he truly believes, and that’s what’s important.

the assault scene was so hard to watch, and not to diminish babe’s pain in the least but you could really tell what way was going through and how much it hurt him to do what he was doing, because indeed, way hasn’t done anything like this before. if he was that bad he could have done it 10 years ago and be done with it, but he didn’t. (again i’ll get back to this later because i have more to say about the type of mind-control.) it’s only when he’s been found out and he sees no way forward when he does what surely tony would want him and probably has told him to do. and still he’s so devastated over it, you can see his desperation the whole time and like you said, he has more than ample opportunity to get babe back under his control but as soon as charlie stops him he doesn’t continue. it still doesn’t excuse that he made even the attempt, but i firmly believe that he was as glad as i was when charlie showed up. 

about pete, even if it’s just because it’s what makes sense to me narratively with the whole enigma parallel, i think this knowledge has to change something in way. at some point he has to realise that he's just trying to delude himself by believing tony's lies, and i think having pete near has to be the catalyst for that, because he is also the living proof of there being a way out. he’s an enigma, he was one of tony’s children, and now he’s free and he’s not connected to tony anymore. so yeah, i am waiting for that way redemption arc, and it better come fast. 

and this is the part where i have to defend babe lmao i don’t think you’re wrong with it maybe being a case of telling and not showing which isn’t great, but it could also be about babe being so enamoured with charlie that he’s neglecting way… momentarily. we still see them alone together, but way is more tense and stressed than ever and babe has constant relationship drama with charlie, so i think it’s understandable there’s more attention to that. also this may be just me projecting but i do think babe is dumb af irt way’s feelings towards him, either in really not seeing them or gaslighting himself (as he tries to do everyone else) in there not being anything to see in the first place; it’s clear he doesn’t feel the same way and he doesn’t want to loose his best friend, so he takes the easy way out by pretending there’s nothing there. i do think he’s putting his foot down with everyone else if not way himself by repeatedly defining their relationship to them and saying in no unclear terms that they are friends and they couldn’t be anything else, same as when he said the thing about way’s boy

i think it was a not-so-subtle way to tell him to look elsewhere. but then we get things like the joke in that flashback at the aunt’s restaurant (which tbf was from many years ago) which felt like a punch in the gut to me lol there are a couple more moments when babe jokes about way being his boyfriend/makes a comment about him acting like his boyfriend which is what makes me think he’s just dumb and not cruel.

about the racing i honestly. don’t know what to say because why would the hours spent training be more important than the actual performance? i still do think dean should have been the one to race, don’t get me wrong, but the logic isn’t really logicking for me there. i don’t think the narrative supports my belief that he’s better than charlie at all but still charlie is using babe’s senses to race and not winning, so. why would you (babe) do that to my child, specifically when we’re told that he would have been fair/respected all the work dean has been putting into training if not for charlie?

[unohanabbygirl]

Hi!! Thank you for answering my ask about a crossover between FMN and HIPS. I am fully obsessed with this idea so could you expand more on your thoughts..because I have MANY questions. What’s Aemond’s relationship like with the rest of his family in modern times once they all remember? Alicent stayed by his side in HIPS but I would imagine that modern Alicent is no longer a r*pe apologist. Does Daeron just leave immediately and emancipates himself once he remembers? What about the others? Also I have to ask about how differently you characterize Viserys, Aemma, and Laenor after learning what happened (esp Viserys)?

Does Aemond avoid history, art, and even religion because he would be demonized 10x worse by all those fields? You had that recent ask about art depicting Luke’s death and mythologizing/romanticizing it, and how Aemond wants to look away but is unable to. In this scenario where’s he actually did r*pe Luke does he just break down seeing what he did depicted and then analyzed by people and knowing it doesn’t come close to how horrible it was? This crossover is such a puzzle because in the original story of FMN Aemond at least can somehow believe that under his murderous rage Luke’s death was his fault, but also in part an accident which makes it easier for the family to reconcile. In this scenario where Aemond didn’t kill Luke but assaulted him, I feel like it’s much more difficult to deal with. Most of your characters in FMN seem to have fully embraced their old selves and don’t see it as much a set of extra memories but a second chance at life. I guess what I’m trying to ascertain is whether his family thinks he’s innocent since he hasn’t done anything in modern times, or if they still view him to be a r*pist because they are all living as their old selves rather than new people (like Luke is). Does this Q make sense? It’s some weird timey whimey stuff ik. It’s sort of like the time travel question of whether someone is guilty of a crime they will commit in the future—but flipped. Is Aemond guilty of a crime he committed in a past life and which is very present in their memories and new lives (made even more evident by Osferth still existing?) even if present times Aemond hasn’t technically done anything?

If abo dynamics do exist in modern times how does the whole prime alpha thing affect Aemond then? It might have been a blessing in medieval times but not modern day. It would def affect who he is allowed to be around or what jobs he can have if he can suddenly experience rut madness. Is he kept away from Helaena’s children and are they scared of him because of what he did to Luke? Is it more difficult to sit through those gender studies classes he took to make up for the fact he was a raging misogynist in canon? Also…How different is Luke’s life in now that he’s an omega and has a different relationship to sex now that he can get pregnant? A large portion of the main story is Luke’s trial so how would that go with Luke being an omega? I’d think it would make him more sympathetic but who knows with misogyny. Sorry for this massive list of questions!! It just makes FMN so much more tragic if we use HIPS as the original story

Hey babes, I’ve been meaning to answer this but I needed time to sit back and think. This crossover has become a favorite of mine so I took some notes!

Aemond’s relationship with most of the others in modern day is very shitty. Now that’s not to say that he isn’t trying to grow and become a better man because he is, but many of Aemond’s negative traits are so much more deeply ingrained and made worse/are enabled by this society that making a genuine change is almost impossible for a man like him without giving it his all. Not to mention that most of the family besides his mother and Helaena basically hate him and straight up ignore his existence most of the time. (Aegon doesn’t fuck with him but it has nothing to do with him violating Luke because he honestly couldn’t care less about his none-Jace nephews)

Alicent being a r*pe apologist in modern day all depends on the family she’s born into. Are her parents the liberal, equality for all type or white picket fence conservatives? She’s the sort of woman whose so tied down by the patriarchy that in order for her to learn from her ways and grow she’d have to be given that guiding hand from a very young age, so it all depends on her upbringing. But regardless of this she’ll always love her son, its simply the way she interacts with him and comforts him that depends on if she tries to help him become better or coddle him and act as if he was the victim at Storm’s End.

Helaena is a different story because while she finds Aemond’s actions abhorrent, he’s still her brother and one of few people she’s ever had that don’t turn their nose up at her. However, she very much loves Luke in her own unique way despite not having the closest relationship. So while she spends time with Aemond, she’d make it a point to encourage change within him. Poor thing always sees the better in people even when she probably shouldn’t.

Daeron still holds onto the faith big time and their reincarnation just solidifies that his gods ( and therefore their preachings) are true. He’d absolutely find a way out of the family as soon as he could because such sins don’t simply wash away with time. I imagine Daeron would either become very close to one of his newer more distant relatives like a cousin or aunt, and spend as much time as he could with them before being able to move out on his own. While emancipation would be an option he desires, there simply isn’t much evidence for any court to decide he’s better off on his own than in his mother’s care.

I love answering questions about Vizzy, Aemma and Laenor because I don’t get them quite often so here we go.

We all know that the Velaryon boys aren’t biologically Laenor’s, but he loves them all the same. His space of mind depends on whether he actually died in the past or if he agreed to fake his death and escape to the free cities. This has the ability to change his character as a whole because he could either feel hate and resentment towards Daemon and Rhaenyra for setting up his death or fall into a nasty cycle of self hatred for leaving his family. I imagine that in both scenarios he feels immense guilt for what happened to Luke and even go as far as to blame himself to a degree. Nowadays there’s a large pool of studies and findings on how stress in the home can affect a child’s presentation making them a late bloomer. For example, children that are trapped in abusive house holds, teetering on the poverty line, or have lost an important person/people in their lives recently, sometimes don’t present until their mid teens and even up until their late twenties in rare cases. Major stress halts proper development and poor Luke was constantly stressed for a variety of reasons.

Because of such immense stress on Luke’s shoulders due to just about everything, he presented late, leading to his chase and eventual assault. Laenor seees his death or “death” as the reason. Thinks that if he remained with his family then Luke would’ve presented on time and remained on dragonstone rather than taking the trip as an envoy because lets face it, most of the Targs/Velaryons would see an omega as inherently weaker and try to keep Luke as close to their sides as possible.

Aemma is an interesting case because she died well before any of this. She holds much more resentment towards Viserys in his AU than the original FMN verse and more than likely would refuse to rekindle their relationship at all. Especially after learning about what his and Alicent’s son did to her grandson. She may have died long before he was born, but she’s always had a soft spot for Omega’s seeing as her mother was one.

This Aemma would refuse to even shake hands with any of the Targtowers and stands on that ten toes down. Sees them as nothing more than a physical manifestation of Viserys selfish nature while also being the best great-grandmother she could to Osferth since he’s just as much a victim in all this. No one chooses to be born, ya know?

And finally we have Vizzy T…the best way to describe him is defensive. Growing up hearing the history of the dance and how his own failures as king led to a multitude of problems leaves him feeling as though he needs to defend his case. His entire defense is basically him saying ‘how was I supposed to know my horrible children whom I neglected would grow up to do terrible things??? There’s no handbook on how to parent 😤”

As he grows and learns Viserys would for sure see just how much his neglect molded his children with Alicent into the people that history remembers. And just Like Laenor he’d grow to blame himself for what happened to Luke because it was his shitty decisions (butchering his wife, marrying Alicent, and not abdicating when he still had the chance) that led to the dance in the first place.

Aemond is the type of man to punish himself for his sins, so leaning into a position at a fine arts museum where he’s surrounded by reminders of such sins would be his first choice. These extremely graphic depictions leave him with a feeling of immense guilt while also satisfying a sick part of himself that craves to he seen and recognized by all. Being carved in history as such a prominent figure gives him a sense of accomplishment. He’s demonized and hated by most, seen as the prime example of an omega brutalizer by various omega rights organizations as well as anyone who isn’t a piece of shit, but Aemond couldn’t care less about how the modern world views him because all that matters is that he’s been frozen in history.

Thats not to say he’s proud of what did or thinks his actions are in anyway okay because he does regret them, even goes as far as to constantly reach out to Rhaenyra in hopes of forming a proper bond with his son since the least he could do is be there for him. But even with all of that he’s unable to help the happiness that comes with knowing history never forgot him. Its sick and downright disgusting, but it just shows us how deep his inability to hold himself to the fire is. Makes us wonder if these things are the problem of nature or nurture.

Again, this Aemond is based off of F&B so he truly sucks big time. Even when he claims he’s trying to change.

I like your question because its perfect grounds for a deep discussion. Are people still guilty of acts they committed lifetime’s ago? Or are they suddenly absolved because they’ve been reborn centuries later? Its like that popular scenario; “if you could go back in time and kill ___ as a baby to prevent a horrible event”

A lot of people say no and others say yes, while some just ask if they could set them in a different household and hope they don’t grow up to be a pos. You could blame Aemond for what happened because he’s still himself at heart despite being reborn or you could decide that since he hasn’t hurt anyone in this lifetime that technically he’s innocent. It all depends on how you view reincarnation. Of course the blacks see Aemond as guilty because deep down this is still Aemond we’re talking about, but Alicent thinks her son as well as herself are innocent because this is an entirely new life.

However, the blacks see Osferth being reborn as soild evidence that Aemond will always be guilty of hurting Luke. Living, breathing proof of their son/brother’s assault till this day.

I love this question because world building makes me so happy!

Yes, a/b/o dynamics do exist however as time goes on beta’s begin to be the majority while alpha and omega are the minority. I feel this only makes sense because humanity no longer has to abide by that “survival of the fittest” mentality as well as the decreasing priority of being ‘pureblood’ within nobility. Therefore the whole “we must wed strong alphas to other strong alphas and preserve the holy fertility of the omega.” Is no longer a popular mindset. People simply love and create families regardless of second gender which overtime has caused the beta gene to dominate. Think of it like blondes and brunette. The brunette gene will more likely than not dominate though there are instances where the blonde phenotype wins the race.

Because of this Prime alphas are basically nonexistent therefore society isn’t very equipped to handle their nature in any way other than pills and the like. I’d describe it as a form of chemical castration, a way to prevent harm to the vulnerable.

Of course primes can refuse but it does make living in society hard because both public and most private schools require any primes past the age of 10 to be on such medications should their parents want to sign them up. Jobs will also refuse primes if they aren’t being treated. It’s simply too much of a risk. Not to mention that while there are few, prime alphas who commit an act of sexual assault do in fact use rut madness as their defense which leads down a very slippery slope in court. All in all, going down the route of chemical castration once a prime reaches somewhere around 15 or 16 makes everything easier for everyone.

While it hurts his pride, Aemond is more than willing to go through with this because he wants to have a relationship with his son AND Luke once he’s found. It also makes Helaena more comfortable with him being around her children, none of which are alphas. However the Maelor plus the twins are fearful to a certain degree because while they love their uncle, they’re always a bit weary.

Luke’s relationship with sex and his secondary gender is a worlds different. He presented around 10, and while he was under stress due to his unstable environment its not as much compared to the constant standards being a royal who’s also an alleged bastard put on his shoulders.

Luke takes to his dynamic easier then before due to the various omega public figures as well as a few older omegas to act as guidance throughout his life. He doesn’t see himself as lower for his status nor does he find it to be shameful. If anything he’s still as wild and free as we know him to be in FMN. Luke sees himself as equal regardless of the fact that he has breasts and can carry a couple of brats if he wanted to. The complete opposite of his past self. While he has a very critical low self esteem his confidence in his gender identity never wavers, proudly wearing more feminine things while also being quick to remind others that he’s just as much a man as any old Alpha or beta.

His attitude comes as a helping hand to a slightly insecure Osferth when the time for them to reunite comes around. Rekindling their mother-son relationship despite not being aware of it on the surface.

[boricuacherry-blog]

Babes in Toyland formed in Minneapolis in 1987 and released three studio albums. The trio played Lollapalooza with Primus and Alice in Chains, won over Beavis and Butthead, and had a profound influence on the riot grrrl scene, with Kathleen Hanna citing her as an influence (Babes was not a riot grrl band though).

After bassist Maureen Herman departed in 1996, citing the band's rigorous touring schedule and a desire to pursue writing, their label Reprise Records dropped the group. The Babes soldiered on with a rotating cast of bassists - including Michelle Leon, whom Herman had replaced in 1992 - and performed its last official show in Minneapolis in November 2001.

A Babes reunion talk began in earnest in 2013, after Herman arranged to meet up with Bjelland, getting in a van and traveling to a lake house.

"It was on that drive that she and I really bonded over the very similar struggles that we had both had - the mental health issues we had overcome in the 18 years that we hadn't seen each other," Herman said. "And we were laughing because we're pretty much on the same medication."

Bjelland had been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and had been working on getting clean.

A recovering alcoholic and crack addict, Herman suffers from a major depressive disorder and PTSD, stemming in part from a gang rape that resulted in a pregnancy that she carried to term (she detailed her experiences in a book). She even wrote a letter to Rep. Akin of Missouri about his comments that women rarely get pregnant from rape, writing:

Imagine Father's Day for my daughter, a child of rape. Imagine the questions her friends ask, that other parents ask. They all want to know the story behind the smart little black girl with the single white mother. Your inflexible position on abortion even in cases of rape completely discounts the ongoing psychological, economic, and social struggle for the mother of the child of rape and the reality of the cost to society in providing the social service resources they need to survive. I was not a well person at the time of the rape, and that experience didn't help. I had struggled for 17 years with Major Depressive Disorder. I had been diagnosed with PTSD a year or so prior (partially attributed to becoming homeless in New York after an unwanted sexual advance from a close and trusted relative), I'd struggled for 12 years with alcoholism (a rampant family disease), and at the time of the pregnancy, I'd been wrestling a year with a crack addiction. In short, I was in no way fit, or ready to be a parent. Imagine having to carry a constant reminder of that moment with you. Some women can't. They choose abortion or adoption. Others, like me, are forced by consequences to go through with the pregnancy because of addiction's death grip on our minds, and subsequently, our finances. Bodily sovereignty is a crucial part of recovery from a violent sexual assault. Taking that choice away violates the victim again. By denying this right, you sacrifice the living for a life that has yet to begin.

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

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kinktober 2022

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ʚ Fave x Fem Reader ɞ

Day 16: Overstimulation

❥ CW: masc fave (he/him pronouns), fem reader (reader has a vagina), smut, pet names (baby, babe, love, sweetheart, good girl), fingering, oral (fem receiving), overwhelming orgasm, lots of aftercare

"P-Please... no more, baby... I-I can't take it—"

He shushed you, fingers curling once more, making you cry out. Your hips bucked wildly, his arm holding you down to the bed, continuing his assault on your pussy.

"N-No, please, please, i-it hurts—"

"Shhhhh, breathe, baby. Breathe for me." 

You tried, you really did, but his constant touching was beginning to sting, your poor clit aching when he pressed his thumb into it again.

"No, no please, I-I-I—"

"I know, baby, I know. It's a lot, huh? I know it's overwhelming, but you can take just a little more; I know you can. You just gotta let go and let your big strong man take care of you, okay?" 

You hiccupped, eyes welling with tears as you tried to meet his gaze. "I… I don't know if I can—"

"You can, baby," he mumbled against your thigh, kissing it gently before looking back at you. "You're so good for me. Just one more and we'll be done, okay? Can you give me one more?" You sniffed, wiping at your eyes, biting your bottom lip to distract you from the fingers digging into your g-spot.

"You—You promise?" He nodded, bringing up his free hand, extending his pinky. Your lip wobbled as you hooked your pinky over his, letting his own curl around yours.

"I pinky promise, baby. Just one more and I'll let you relax the rest of the night." You weighed his words, inhaling shakily, nodding slowly. He sighed in content, kissing your thigh again as he retracted his hand. "That's my girl."

You barely had time to enjoy his praise as he had started thrusting his fingers into you quickly, making you stifle a scream. You grabbed the sheets, teeth digging into your lower lip, eyes squeezed shut as you felt your pleasure build for the hundredth time that night. It hurt how good it felt, his fingers hitting just the right spot, making your thighs quake by his face. 

He hummed quietly, kissing down your inner thigh, closer to your core. You steeled yourself, hissing when his lips wrapped around your clit and sucked harshly. You could feel something wet on your cheeks, big crocodile tears streaming down your face as you neared your peak. Your squeaks and wails did nothing to slow him down; if anything, they encouraged him to go faster, to suck harder. 

Your vision blurred, cunt pulsating in time with his pace. His fingers pulled your g-spot towards him, dragging along your inner walls, forcing you over the edge. You cried out as if you'd been stabbed, liquid gushing from your cunt, coating his hand and mouth. You cursed loudly, hitting at the bed as he fucked you through your orgasm, forcing you to squirt until you were completely spent.

He finally, finally let your cunt go, removing himself from your sex. You felt cold, still crying from your intense orgasm, gasping for air. God, it felt like you were drowning—

"Shh shh shh, listen to me, baby. Listen to my voice," he cooed, climbing up the bed beside you, wrapping his arms around you. You instinctively leaned into his embrace, curling into his warmth, sobbing into his chest. "Shhhh, there there. You're alright; I've got you. Let it all out."

He held you like that for a while, pulling a blanket over you and keeping you close, his hand rubbing your back soothingly. Your cries died down soon enough, turning into little gasps and hiccups, your body coming down from its otherworldly experience. It wasn't until your breathing steadied and your eyes grew heavy that he cupped your cheek, making you look at him.

"Are you alright, love?" You barely registered that he was there, moaning softly in response, cuddling closer to his warm, safe frame. He took a deep breath, reaching behind him to grab some juice he had placed on the nightstand before you two even started. He put the straw in for you, holding it up to your mouth. "Can you drink this for me?"

You hummed tiredly, opening your mouth and wrapping your lips around the tiny straw, sucking up the sweet nectar effortlessly. You could've finished the whole thing in one go, but he pulled it away, making you slow down. He waited a moment or two before letting you have it again, playing with your hair as you sucked down the last of the juice.

"There. Good. Such a good girl." You let out the tiniest of whines, letting him put the empty juice on the nightstand before nuzzling into his chest, sighing when his strong arms wrapped around you. "You did so good, sweetheart. Took it all so well. I love you so, so much."

You hummed, already drifting off to sleep, beyond exhausted. You somewhat registered when he pulled away to clean up between your legs and bring you a nightshirt, but other than that you were completely gone, your senses numbed by the multiple orgasms you had gone through in a short amount of time. The only thing you did register was when he wrapped his arms around you again, giving you that delicious sense of calm that put you to sleep within minutes.

[lilevixen]

AOT Eating Out HeadCanons

Characters: Armin Arlert and Eren Jaeger

•*Warning- 18+ Content* Heavy sexual themes and mentions of oral sex (female receiving) and slight humiliation•

Armin Arlert

Please cuz Armin would absolutely LOVEEEE eating you out

He’s almost always the one to initiate it (once ya’ll get comfortable w each other ofc)

He sees it as getting to know the body that he loves so much even better, like a hands-on experiment of sorts that shows him what you like

And you know this boy is observant as FUCK so it doesn’t take him long to get in-tune with your body

Every little noise you make, every arch of your back or twitch of your thigh, he’s logging it in his brain for future reference

Like he’d change the pace and stiffness of his tongue on your clit with his slender fingers curled inside you, taking note of every minute change in your reactions.

“She really likes that, I should do that more”,“Ah she’s not really into that”, “Fuck she feels incredible clenched around my fingers like this, I’m definitely doing something right.”

And God does he LOVE your reactions

This man is literally in heaven between your legs, inner thighs glistening with arousal, your body a hot, trembling mess at the mercy of his touch

Knowing that he’s responsible for you feeling so good turns him on more than anything else

Like it REALLY turns him on you don’t understand

When he sees you start to shudder and your legs close around him-&-9-9 he LOSES it

He would 100% moan into you as he’s eating you out

Face shimmering with sweat, blonde strands of hair clinging to his flushed forehead as his glossy eyes drink in the sight of you

Your taste, your smell, your skin, the fact that you’re even letting him do this to you and that you were feeling so good bc of it-that’s all he needs for a hot rush of pleasure to reach his pulsating cock

He’ll grind his hips into the bed as he’s doing it to relieve the aching need for you swelling in his dick only to end up CUMMING just from eating you out

He probs cums like 75% of the time he eats u out

Sometimes he won’t even need to stimulate himself, just the sight of you sprawled before him, sweaty and writhing from what his unrelenting tongue is doing to you is enough to send him over the edge

You’re just so STUNNING

And be ready to hear that A LOT

He cannot stop praising you, in general, but especially while eating you out

“Fuck y/n how’d I get so lucky?” “mmm you look so good spread open like that” “You’re so beautiful babe”

His favorite position to eat you out is missionary just bc he likes having a good view of that pretty face of yours, but he also loves it when you ride his face hehe

Also be prepared for an occasional wandering tongue

He likes to tease your asshole a little sometimes just to hear you squeal lol

His head game is 12/10 trust



Eren Jaeger

Definitely doesn’t do it as much as Armin

Not bc he doesn’t like to

It’s just he can’t see your pussy oozing with your legs spread in anticipation WITHOUT wanting to fuck you silly, simple

That being said, he will do it on occasion when he REALLY wants to drive you insane

And when he does he’s so fucking sloppy with it

Like this man is spitting on it, slapping it, practically motorboating it-

Bruh like are you that wet or is that all just his saliva the world may never know

This man is full of the passion

When he’s doing something he does it with the entirety of his being, and this is no exception

He’s only satisfied when you are giving him the most intense reaction possible

And he will continue to assault you until he’s gotten the reaction he wants

And he’s such an asshole about it too lol

Like just to see how crazy you’ll go, he tells you to stay completely still and if you don’t he’ll stop. And he’ll only resume if you BEG

So he’ll be there holding you down by your hips, his nails biting into the soft flesh above your pelvis, alternating between having his tongue buried impossibly deep inside of you (boy’s got a long ass tongue) and sloppily lapping at ur clit, and when you start move your hips to meet his mouth, he’ll punish you by stopping

“I told you I’d stop and you’re still trying to rub your wet cunt into my face?”

“Tell me how desperate you are. Tell me how much you need me and I’ll continue”

He LOVES having that power over you

On the topic of him being an asshole, he’ll lowkey embarrass you by calling out how crazy you’re going for him

For example, when you start moaning and whining loudly, he’ll say some shit like:

“Why are you so noisy? Does it really feel that good?”

“If it was my dick fucking up that pretty pussy of yours the neighbors would swear you’re getting murdered”

Like sir you are doing the MOST what do you expect??

It does feed his ego tho

Oop and ANOTHER thing

It’s almost always his goal to make you squirt

He sees squirting as biological proof that he is capable of making you unravel in the most nasty, vulgar way possible.

And he likes seeing you all messy

After you finish he’ll stand back and admire you, marveling at how spent you were just from his fucking mouth alone

“Turn around. Let me get a good look at you”

He’ll just be there practically salivating at the sight of your ass in the air, thighs glossy with wetness gliding down your skin in fat, slimy streams

His cock is ready to burst at this point so just be prepared for a LONGGGG night