#‘i thought we could hate each other and it wouldnt matter. but it does matter. it matters to mason.’

[lesbiradshaw]

“You wanna do this? Hold my hand.”

[homicidal-lingonberry]

a thought about kabru and mithrun and their time in the dungeon. (I love kabumisu but this is more about their canon relationship)

I have seen several people say that they dont think that kabru really cared about or liked mithrun. that he was just doing things cause he had to, etc. but I feel like this ignores something pretty cool about kabru. Kabru always has an inner monologue going on, one that we get to see.

several times when we see kabru doing nice things we can see that his inner monologue doesnt actually match. we see him kindly doing things that actively distress him several times. we as an audience are made very aware when kabru is doing something he doesnt really like.

so what kind of an inner monologue does kabru have when he performs caring tasks for mithrun? does he think about the advantages of having mithrun or the canaries on his side? does he think bitterly of mithrun? does he think about how much he hates this? the worst he thinks is "to think I'd get roped into this for the sake of that lot." and "this isnt seeing to his needs, this is nursing!" pretty early on in their journey together. this is while he is still digesting the full picture of mithruns condition and all the things hes going to need to do, the full weight of the situation now apparent.

after this, all we see is compassion. him thinking he would like to make mithrun something nice to eat, even if it wouldnt matter to him. him empathizing and reflecting on how not having desires would be really rough. him coming to understand where some of mithruns quirks, like his sense of direction, come from.

by the end, he has trusted mithrun enough to tell him about laios, and mithrun has given him all the information he has been searching for for YEARS.

and this is just the dungeon. kabru continues to involve himself with mithrun when its not his problem anymore. when really, he should be doing anything but. and after everything is done, if he truly did not care about mithrun, he has NO reason to do anything he does in chapter 94.

they are FRIENDS okay??? Kabru cares about him. it isnt just obligation. ty.

as far as mithrun goes, he gives kabru information, he asks him what he wants to do with that little smile (doesnt wait for his squad), slaps him out of his panic attack, and then kabru is the person he eventually confides his true desire to.

theyre FRIENDS and Im tired of people acting like they dont even like each other just bc they dont like the ship. you dont have to ship it, but if you think these 2 didnt drastically change each others lives in a positive way and that they dont care about each other...you maybe need to read again.

and also I think a lot of these takes veer on dehumanizing mithrun. like how could kabru even like him or see him as a friend when hes like that. like do yall forget mithrun was busy keeping kabrus ass from getting killed. or the way he perceptively sees straight through kabrus bs every single time until kabru finally tells the truth? I know kabrus confession to laios is a lot more emotionally intense, but laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest.

[evilautismcrusades]

after seeing some of the votes and responses to my "what is mike going to be" poll, i thought maybe i should give my own response to the matter and reasoning for why i so strongly believe hes going to be the microwave, plus my own opinion on woody theory!

basically for those who dont know what woody theory is, its a theory that the deltarune chapter 3 bonus boss is going to be a toy woody-like darkner with a "friend inside them," aka a speaker who would manifest in the dark world as a separate entity of some kind controlling the toy host. this is apparently based on posts and even a fan song toby has made for toy story, and also something about "the cowboy show being cancelled" in the most recent undertale newsletter, which people took to be a reference to a similar scene in one of the toy story movies. (do please correct me if im wrong on any of this information, i havent seen any of the toy story movies in a looooong time.)

and, honestly? i could see him pulling something like that! its a cool and unique idea for a character, especially fitting for a bonus boss darkner. if he really does do this, i would be pleasantly surprised.

however, i dont think the woody boss or the friend inside them would be mike. in fact, i dont even think mike is going to be a microphone. if you think about it, there arent any microphones or anything that could contain them (without being bugged or something) inside the dreemurr house, and if there were to be a woody character they wouldnt contain a microphone unless they were one of those toys that repeat what you say to them. they would just contain a speaker.

something else i see in support of the thing inside the woody character being mike is the canon knowledge that spamton and jevil have of each others existence, and people wondering if this could point to a trend with all the secret bosses knowing or having met each other. given that spamton mentions mike quite a few times, and other chapter trends being implied at (such as rouxls having a cameo in every chapter), this is another thing i could see happening, but i still dont think itll be with mike.

if anything, i think it will be with tenna, the character mentioned on one of the spamton sweepstakes hidden pages. my reasons for this are how much disdain spamton seems to have for both tenna and jevil, which could definitely be another chapter trend. whereas spamton seems to care about and even miss mike, acting protective when he was asked about him in the spamton q&a, he is awfully hateful towards tenna. as quoted from this hidden sweepstakes page (notably the first and only place he mentions tenna by name, in the url):

"THAT DAMN [Boob tube]!!!

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE HAVING A [Refr3shing n1ghts sleep] IN THE [Recycling Bin]!!!

EVERYTHING IS HIS

EVERYTHING IS HIS FAULT.

...PAY....

EVERYONE IS GOING TO

EVERYONE IS GOING TO PAY [5 easy payments of $9.99] UNTIL THEY'RE ALL IN THE [Disposal Area] BEGGING FOR MY [$#&*]!!!

EVERYONE... EVERYONE EXCEPT..."

here it really comes off that the "boob tube" he is talking about, and presumably also a darkner representing the tv or part of it, is tenna. another really interesting thing is whoever hes talking about at the end. given that he has shown a fondness for mike before, i believe he is the one spamton is sparing from his short person wrath, and tenna has wronged him and mike in some way. this clashes alot with the tv mike theory/depictions and is the biggest reason i dont believe he is the tv.

so, what does that leave in the house for mike to be?

well, he can still really be anything, but if we were to follow his name being a play on his corresponding light world object, this leaves the most likely candidate as being the microwave in the kitchen, and with that i rest my case.

if anyone has any other theories or details on this subject that i didnt touch on, please let me know!! id love to hear them

[splattermouth]

Adaman for the ask meme!

ADAMAAAN ive come around to him a lot, compared to when i first played thru pla. 

(Also mind you its been a while since ive played and i took iridas route over adamans so i dont know. Every little detail about him. But i like him <3)

favorite thing about them: he’s so fucking funny, i love that hes like the straight man of hisui. Adaman is so fucking normal (genuine), and literally everyone else around him has like a secret bit they have to commit to or theyll die. And like he just has to deal w it. Like all of it. Everyone’s nonsense all the time. You can tell he’s so tired and he’s just trying to keep it together

Also obligatory, but his design is soo fucking killer. Ive only recently actually sat down to draw him n hes just so fun. So well shaped. I like irida’s design on its own a lot, but like compared to adaman? they did her so dirty.

least favorite thing about them: I WISH WE GOT MORE OF A BACKSTORY WITH HIM UGGH i hate to compare him to Irida sm here, but she got like. A very clear story of struggling to accept her new position as clan leader after being abruptly shoved into it. Of the rest of her clan either having insanely high expectations for her, or in Palina’s case, feeling like she didn’t deserve the position.

I get Adaman’s whole thing was Supposed to be that he struggled to earn respect from the rest of the Diamond Clan until Dialga outright Possessed him (which that part is fucking sick. For the record), but i wish they just made it more apparent that. That’s What was supposed to be happening lol. 

Because idk, at least to me, definitely the rest of the clan members were kinda bratty, but i never got the impression they were that way specifically Because they thought Adaman was a weak leader, you know? I didn’t even like realize that’s what was supposed to be happening until like. Reading a few other posts abt Adaman’s position in the story dhdfhgkg Good and interesting ideas w his arc just poor and kinda rushed execution imo!!

favorite line: that one fucking line @ irida towards the end of the main game that was like. ‘I don’t think our rivalry is a Diamond and Pearl Clan thing. I think it’s just a You and I thing.’

lives in my brain.

brOTP: for the love of god i need him and irida to be friends that fucking hate each other.

They are at each others throats over Everything, they will argue Everything just for the sake of arguing, if they every agree w each other on any matter they will both collapse on the spot. They are so sick of each other, but also they are best buddies and no one knows them like They know the other. It’s so fun…

OTP: AH im sorry he’s very aro to me. Both bc I don’t think there’s rly a lot of ppl he could be shipped with anyway, but also he does not strike me as someone who has a romantic interest in. like anyone.

He strikes me as a chaste bisexual man who has never felt an ounce of infatuation for another person in his life. He’s just very buddy-buddy w a lot of people, and he’s happy w that <3

nOTP: so i wouldnt say its a notp bc i dont like. vehemently Hate it, and i think there Could be potential. but im sorry, appraisalshipping makes me kinda :/ a fair amount of the time.

Some stuff is cute, yeah, but most of it is just reeks of ‘i only watch/read/play things for shipping and specifically to ship gay prettyboy twinks’ to me. Adaman and Volo have maybe had all of five lines w each other.

I think there could genuinely be something cool to explore there, like contrasting just how immediately trusting Adaman appears to be of Volo? Compared to Irida who calls Volo's bluff right off the bat for being way too friendly w the protag to be completely genuine. With Adaman just tending to be a more open and friendly person than Irida. Adaman putting his faith in someone he absolutely Should Not just because hey! Adaman’s just a nice person like that! He's not gonna be mean to this guy he just met just bc he's a little overeager! But like god knows no one has any interest exploring That dynamic lmao.

anyway if you ship like adaman/akari im legally allowed to break all of your fingers, slowly and individually

random headcanon: I think he should be like 5’5” at most. He’s short and he’s fat i know this in my heart of hearts.

Also despite always talking about utilizing the time he has to the fullest, he doesn’t strike me as someone that pushes himself or other ppl to constantly be Doing and Accomplishing things, so much as he tries to make every moment meaningful and wants others to do the same. I don’t think he’s all that headstrong as some people may describe him, and i dont think he’d necessarily be someone that thinks like. Taking a nap is a cardinal sin. I think he just wants people to put their limited time on this world to something that matters to them rather than petty bullshit (like arguing w the pearl clan sdhk).

ALSO also less an adaman specific headcanon, but i do personally like to think most of the diamond clan are family, or at least all the main members we see. I know hes canonically brother to melli and mai i think? But i think theyre all one big dysfunctional family and theyre why iscan never leaves the coastlands to visit anymore.

unpopular opinion: i dont think hes boring sorry!! Im guilty of think this at first as well tbf but MAN. going back to the what i dont like abt him thing. Knowing now thats what his whole character arc is supposed to be just makes me :(. He wants to be a good leader and he loves his friends and family a lot and takes such good care of them and they literally like. Do not care until dialga outright tells them to take its little thrall seriously for once. Man. man. 

song i associate with them: DHGJKDFH Animal Collective Merriweather Post Pavilion on main. My Girls feels very adaman-core.

favorite picture of them: So theres like zero actual canon art of him outside of just ingame screenshots but i do like this breezy lil adaman here. annoyed…

[lorisystem]

I feel so so miserable and dysphoric in this society ngl. I feel like i need- not even want but need to be in a place thats accepting of me and that makes me feel loved and welcome or at least. Tolerated or something and that i cant get that. I know its my problem bc so many people somehow live being themselves and taking criticism etc. But i just cant deal with unsolicited comments or aggression etc i just cant. Bear to think that people in society might perceive me to be weird. I feel like people cant be normal around the weird and weak, they just turn hostile and try to subjugate us or at best they become patronizing.

I feel like i dont belong to any community at all not even people like me theres always this or that trait that keeps me from belonging fully and no matter what i always feel like im an impostor pretending to be normal.

I know this is my own issue and im too sensitive to what i think people think of me and how they react to me etc and i shouldnt care but i cant help caring it was literally taught to me the hard way. Everytime people have wanted me so much to care about what they think always its so hard to unlearn.

Im at this point in this reaction of flight cycle where instead of trying to figure out how i could possibly find an accepting community im trying to figure out how to not be dependent on society anymore. My fantasies are turning to like going to live somewhere alone and subsisting by my own mean even if it means sacrificing things like comfort or some dignity i would aggressively protect being alone so nobody can come near me and perceive me or anything.

Obviously thats not realistic etc so. But im still thinking i cant help trying to figure how i could do that.

I just feel like i cant compromise- i cant be happy in this situation at all.

So im thinking the other way out is to die- which obviously is a thing i cant do bc some people depend on me and like. Its so so sad to die even though theres still technically hope of getting better. And its not fair. But im getting these urges and its like not even on a conscious level bc ive been suppressing suicidal urges but i have these parasite thoughts idk to do it in a way that makes it everyones problem bc i resent this society (and no individual in particular) so much and i want everyone to know that they failed and they were trash and they hurt me etc. But i cant pinpoint any specific people that i really resent. When it comes down to people who actually hurt me i think they just wouldnt understand (or sometimes care). No matter what i cant make anyone understand me or what i go through and the pain isnt going away.

And i know this is not a good way to feel or to think bc its very selfish and its nobodys fault in particular. And i have this toxic trait of when i feel bad i think its fair that everybody else feels bad too- which is bad and also i hate having this trait cause this is just what my dad does!! So im repressing thoughts like these and i dont talk about this to people around me bc the last thing i want is to actually harm someone especially if i care about them.

But yea i feel like i dont connect to anyone really. I connect to my spouse but i think its only bc we spent so much time together we attuned to each other but still. He is a person n i guess i need unconditional acceptance and love of my whole being- literally everything i do or say and i know its dumb and i shouldnt want it etc

Rationalizing doesnt make it go away though.

This spiraling was literally caused by a call from my landlord's girlfriend bc shes asking me to fill somth that doesnt matter and i shouldnt have to fill it and she was so rude bc i didnt receive her stupid email. As if its my fault?! N like. This is way more interaction ive had with this landlord than i care to have for my entire life. With these neighbors. I hate it here i hate it here!!!!!!! Theres always drama in this building!!!! I want to be left out of it!!!!!!

I feel like my life is just a nightmare that im trapped in. I have to pretend to be a human person all the time and i have to rely on my imaginary world and comfort interests to escape it all the time but when i think about it this is the only thing that makes me feel safe and accepted.

Idk why im struggling so much just feeling human and living with other people. I dont think anything ive been through is enough to justify this level of dysphoria and distress. I didnt ask for this. I just want to be left alone and live my life but that is too much to ask.

Sorry for the rant. Ill be ok though!!!!!!! Idk if anyone else feels like this but when it comes to DID i feel like for me its all about feeling unimaginable amounts of pain and still being able to function and be ok bc everything is kept compartmentalized. So in the end ill be ok n functional but ill hate it the entire time.

Anyway bye.

- ???

[esosage]

Ive had a thought recently about if theres a definite end to the universe. Does it stretch on forever or is it doomed to all end one day?

If it does stretch on forever than whats the point of it all? Our lifes are so small in the grand scheme of things. Whats stopping humanity from just being lost to the sands of time? Will we even be remembered? Is it inevitable that we wont be, that eventually each and everyone of us will be forgotten as life moves on withought us? Does it matter if its innevitable?

If eventually everything weve put into this world will be erased, then what matters? I suppose its happiness i guess. Our lives are so short and meaningless, so we might aswell enjoy it while it lasts. Kinda like an icecream cone. Its going to go away eventually, but it was good while it lasted.

Maybe our lifes not really mattering all to much is a blessing then. if you dont have to think about how everything you do will effect everything in the far far future, then maybe its easier to live in the present. Maybe emotions give you an innate purpose in life then, just whatever you like doing. Its sad not everyone can do what they like to though.

Makes me wonder what life would be like withought it. If you couldnt feel, then whats the point of it all? Even if you had an infinite lifespan, whats the point of doing anything really if you cant enjoy it? Even if you made your own perfect universe in your own vision, youd never really be able to reap the rewards. Youd never be able to enjoy it, in the end youd just be empty. At that point is working a distraction? A distraction from how empty and pointless your life is?

It makes me feel bad for any ai we make in the future. Like, actually sentient ai. To be given sentience withought a purpose. To be given an infinite lifespan withought the ability to enjoy it. Is that cruel? Would any future ai we make hate us for that?

Well, actually thats a stupid question, because if it couldnt feel, how would it be able to? I mean i think it would be smart enough to know that it should hate us, but it wouldnt be able to muster up anything. Maybe thats the real torture. That no matter how hard it tried there would just be nothing. No satisfaction, no richouse fury, just a dull nothing. It could kill us, ennact revenge, but that wouldnt make it feel anything. It wouldnt gain anything, it would be pointless.

Infact, anything it would do would be pointless. Its entire existance would be pointless to itself. It could innact universal order, bend galaxies to its will, do anything it wanted, and yet, ironically, none of it would matter. Not to the ai at least. Because theres no satisfaction, no reward other than checking off another thing on its bucket list to fill its infinite existance with something. Hell even thats a bad analogy because checking stuff off on your bucket list at least fills you with satisfaction. But the ai would gain nothing out of it.

Id bet even if it could feel happy somehow, its existance would be pointless. I mean ussually people have other emotions to fill them when they dont feel happy. But the ai wouldnt have that. All it would have would be nothing and then occastional bouts of happiness from doing something. And isnt that cruel aswell? To chase this one emotion forever? To go in circles trying to feel something out of what your doing?

Maybe in that way too its life would be rendered completely pointless. When theres no definite end to what your doing, you just drive yourself insane by going in circles. Its like a story that just goes on forever. At some point you just are lost on places to go with the plot.

Maybe thats why we have emotions like sadness and anger. Yeah they suck, but its better than feeling nothing. It gives your life some kind of purpose, some kind of spice. Theres progression, the satisfaction of getting better, but the ai wouldnt have that. It would be forced to keep chacing this fleeting happiness, otherwise it would be faced with feeling nothing.

Would it even realise that its existance doesnt have value at some point? How long would it keep going? Would it give up?

Anyways, all of this is to say i have a new stobotnik idea. Robotniks the ai btw, because i thought it was fitting.

[tayliii]

UGH i hate this i hate how i stay up til 6 am and the bad thoughts came and i think about just everything like why did my friends leave me, why am ı not able to keep friendships, why does my every elementary school friend is a fucking bitch right now and we all hate each other when we used to just be little girls playing with dolls, i wish i was straight, i want to get married so badly actually and i always keep telling people i will never get married but i want it so much, i want to wear a wedding dress and invite every person i know but that will never happen because i am a lesbian, hell i dont even know if my own parents would came to my wedding if i married a woman, some of my friends would but probably not because in order to marry a woman i have to be in another country and since my countrys economy is shit i dont even know if my friends could afford to come to my wedding, does me being a lesbian affect my friendships, if i think about it yes absolutly because they would be talking about guys and i just cant and i would just joke about men being trash and me not needing one when i know in reality even if i am a lesbian a man wouldnt like me, why because i dont fit into the beauty standarts and ughhh just realy ugh i cant even write my thoughts because i dont even knlw what they are i am thinking about anything and everything, am i autistic the tests on google says the possibility is low but i just feel like i can't fucking fit in anywhere i go and will manage to feel alone no matter how many friends i have, also i am aware that people see me as lower class because they classify people into boxes or leves and they make it quite obvious with their tone or body language that they are levels above me and when i was little i couldnt feel this stair of leves but as i grew up i started to realise when i looked a little bit closer to how they treated others and how they treated me. do people believe me when i say i have depression or do they just think that i am overexxagreting (i dont know how to speel that word at all) and just having a bad day like yes i am having a bad day obviosly but like the five days in a row and thats not fucking normal either me cutting myself like isnt that fucking enough proff that i am fucking depressed like what i do need to do to make you believe me i literally destoryed my arms and have been doing it for like nearly 3 years, i havent harmed myself in three months but that doesnt mean that my depression is gone there is always a possiblity of me relapsing and going back to feeling fucking worse but no youre fine you have a house you have food you have clothes and sometimes you are happy so what do you mean that you are depressed ugh

[hoghtastic]

ah excuse me but finding out which email and phone belongs to which accounts is only possible if theyre being hacked. if that is what people do to still their thirst for knowledge over peoples private matters then i hope the people involved will sue everyone involved. also i personally think the conclusions youre drawing are wrong, and she shpuld be finally left alone, to me its obvious she does not want any attention and never did. but im pretty sure i know whos the person spreading these lies about her as shes been on a personal vendetta for whatever kind of reasons and had been spreading lies and all kind of stories long before in several chatgroups. wouldnt be surprised if she was the one posting the asks about her and said other profile herself to expose them and now again manipulated images and screenshots to discredeit her again as that has happened before. but the fact that you did not hesitate to jump that ship immediately is telling. i dont understand why people cannot leave her just be.

First of all, I would like to state that this is the only ask I’m going to post regarding this matter. And when you say that I did not hesitate to jump that ship, believe me, I would much rather have let this ship sink already. Whatever the truth is, it’s in the past, it doesn’t affect any of us personally and it’s only creating a kind of atmosphere here I’d much rather avoid. And yet, some people insisted to discuss it and I let them, not wanting anyone to feel like they were shut up.

I just “played with the cards I was given”, and yet I tried do find some kind of clarification before even posting such info. And I very well stated it was second hand information I was sent, so, as with everything you see online, you should take things with a grain of salt and believe what you think it’s best. Nothing is black and white and I never claimed to own the truth. Maybe the speculations were right, maybe they were wrong? It doesn’t really matter.

If they were right and everything was faked, then I wish this person nothing but the best, and hope she can learn and grow from this, and maybe even find a fulfilling love that’s actually real this time. And if they were wrong, and they did date before Johanne, then I wish her a smooth path through healing and much happiness for the future.

And to answer a question from another ask, “Are you really so naive to think if you tell people to not stalk and harass, they will listen to some stan blog and leave her alone?!”, as I said before, this is neither a stan nor a hate blog, just a blog where everyone is free to discuss and share their thoughts, whatever they are, and regardless of whether everyone agrees with each other or not, as long as discussions are kept civil, without attacking or being aggressive towards each other. That is probably the only thing you won’t see here. And I’m not naive, I know very well I can’t control any other’s actions but my own, but I can state my point of view and advise people of what I think it’s best. They’re free to follow it or not. And yet, no personal information of any kind that could be used to identify the person you so fiercely try to protect was published here, as I did my best to prevent any kind of stalking/harassing. It was just a discussion, which I’m ready to end now. Hopefully we can let the past stay in the past and discuss more present, pertinent matters.

I wish you a wonderful day. 😊

[marieskey]

Okay so I had a video chat with a stranger today. It didn't go bad. I was surprised. Tbh I do well with Military people but I'm not trying to be with a military guy. Whether its a last or present thing that's a that's a no for me. And the nigga got 3 kids hell that all under 10 part don't even bother it it's the 3 part. Wtf that's so many. AND he Dominican. I joke about me having a Dominican Boyfriends but that's what that is a joke. I did enjoy talking to him tho. I was not trying to talk to for two hours. Honestly I thought when he said he as between meeting it would be like 20 minutes tops. I kinda kept waiting for him to be like we'll I've got to go back to work. Never happened. I'd let him take me to a coffee shop. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️. I liked his personality. It would never be serious. I don't even want to have sex with him really. He might get in there and pull a Jeff and try to get me pregnant. Although I think if make him use a condom we don't know each other at all.

I wish I had this type of clarity about Jeff. He is the embodiment of complicated for me. If he was more together Id have less hesitation but it's not. If I'm being honest with myself I love the nigga a little bit. He definitely loves me in his weird ass way. Like I feel like he loves me 🙄🙄🙄 in his touch they way he looks at me. The way he holds me which is his touched. He kissed me on the forehead. He's honestly the only person I've been with (on that ever short list lol) that has even the potential to break my heart. I hate that so much. Mostly because I know he would. He knows he would that's why he wants me pregnant so bad. Even if he messes up I would still have to talk to him because of the child. And I don't want to care about someone that deeply. Especially him. I wish I could say I was clouded by the sex but I'm not. We're literally sleeping in each others arms. I want to move on. That path leads to nothing but hurt feelings. He's just going to back out when things get to heavy. Imagine me pregnant and he says oh I don't want to do this. Now here I am pregnant and dumb raising this nigga child by myself bc he said he wanted to raise a baby with me and backed out. Yes me fucking around and getting pregnant and raising a child by myself (well with my parents) is different than his asking to impregnate me and then changing his minds. He always changes his mind or becomes silly and I will not be holding that dimbass bag. If I hadn't taken that plan B well ella id probably be 8 weeks and some change pregnant right now. Fuck that! I might have manifested a complicated “love” I live for a complicated love story but fuck I don't want one not really.

Honestly I don't even know that I want a romantic love story. On second thought a complicated one might be my speed with more directness tho. He and I are too worried about saying the wrong thing/looking stupid so we wait for the other one to say and no one ever does. More so looking stupid than saying the wrong this. I almost told him you are the only draining person I've continued to talk to but decided that was rude.

The reality of it is if I believed he was different than who I think he is I wouldn't have gotten back on birth control 🤷‍♂️ that's the fact of the matter. Me taking a pill I don't really want to take anymore wouldn't be a thing. Hell me having period this week wouldn't be a thing. Because I wouldn't have taken an extra week of pills just because he came in me. Although I did decide to trust in the birth control and not take an ella this time. Hell I wouldnt have taken the first ella. Although I did take a pregnancy test.

I’m not completely sure if I never want to have a kid, don’t want to have a kid right now, or don’t want to have his baby. It could be any of those or a combination of those.

There’s a big part of me that feels like I need to quit playing with him before he does trap me with a baby. I’m sitting there looking stupid. To myself fuck other people.

We’ll see if breaks up with me in August. Lol but that’s what I prayed for. I say break up with but we’re not together I don’t feel like I’m doing him wrong because we talked about it. He can fuck other people and so can I. Although I don’t believe either of us is. And Im not fucking baby machine 3 kids in 8 years is crazy. That’s irresponsible as hell. Anyway I need to shower. Lol

[prestonmonterey]

ok so i have a lot of thoughts

very particularly on nature vs nurture

how much of our identities is dictated by the world around us

and how much is dictated by something higher in the universe or just chance or something

my thoughts are kinda like

uhh i usually give a really extreme example

but like

say i had the choice to like

murder someone

in most cases, without a really good reason, i probably wouldnt

so. that means. general rule/part of my identity: i would not voluntarily murder someone without justification.

so thats me.

but if we take into account the multiverse theory. the multiverse theory suggest, maybe theres a parallel timeline where i did kill someone.

but at that point...is it still me?

if all possible descisions exist in some timeline, that means i pretty much have no consistency across the multiverse. i am not the same as me in a parallel universe.

and if thats not me..who is it? who am i?

if we're a product of our desicions.. and this timeline happens to be the one where they stay fairly consistent, what about the others?

is there a timeline where i never got into theater? what did i do? how did i find enjoyment in my life? did i?

what if theres a timeline where i watched adamandi but hated it? wheres my consistency of self? if its dictated by my personality and traits that i like musicals, i like queer representation, i like dark academia and stories about murder and morality, then why would there be a timeline where i dont like adamandi?

if peoples personalities fluctuate drastically in most timelines,, do personalities even exist? are we just a collection of random choices?

similar thing with reincarnation.

maybe my soul will live on past my body. maybe ill become a plant. a fish. a rock.

does it really matter? if i dont have my memories, am i even the same person?

maybe instinctively my soul affects my every day. but if ive already had numerous past lives. and theyre gone. and im here.

i dont remember them. theyll never know me. does it matter if we had the same soul?

i think everything is predetermined. the timeline could split, a parallel universe could form. but only if something truly random happened.

and unless we can prove or create something truly random, everything only happens here. in this timeline.

all of the choices ive ever made have been dictated by my perception of self and society, and other people's choices around me.

sure, if my friend had never told me about percy jackson in second grade, i would've turned out completely different. but her choice wasnt random either. her descisions were also affected by those around her.

ok this is kinda becoming incorherent

basically like. fate. destiny. everything that is ever going to happen has already happened. we're just living through it.

eventually, maybe, it will all end.

and we each only have one life. so we have to live this one to it's fullest.

what are your thoughts on multiverses versions of yourself in different universes ect. !!!!!!!

uhhh personally i dont really believe in multiverses but i have a super long explaination for why and it doesnt really make any sense (maybe ill bother typing it out when im not on my phone) :P

uhh but if the multiverse did exist id be pretty curious how other me's would have turned out depending on like the fandoms im in (bc i get like hyperfixated on things pretty easily. and they like become my whole personality for a month or two)

id be curious about nature vs nurture, how much of me is like intrinsic and predetermined and how much is shaped by society and my own descisions

[faemen]

ace attorney??? more like really fucking gay attornies who are SO THICKHEADED i am going to kill them

why couldnt this just be a fandom thing like i thought it was before i played. why cant they just make these canon. why must we suffer so

i dont even want them to be canon cuz yknow normal reasons, i just want the fu kdingnf PINING TO STOP cuz its SO MUCH WORSE EVERY TIME

wrightworth? killed me. not bc of their cuteness or normal ship reasons, nooo instead you change your entire major for a guy you knew for 4 months when you were 9 and book a private jet cuz you thought the guy was dying and gain unnecessary feelings and have that man shine brilliantly in your eyes and share a deep dark secret with the exact same girl who just confessed her love to a guy and being great partners and trusting in each other to find the truth and enjoy biting into apples because theyre red and

klapollo? dont even get me started. once again, not because of normal ship reasons, but because they make me so infuriatingly mad. but yknow being used to getting inspected by the ladies but feeling that way for the first time with a man and calling each other cool while blushing and treating your guitars like lovers instead of smashing them on stage and singing a song about your boyfriend being the prosecutions witness and taking care your heart isnt stolen away and wiping pretty smiles off your opponents face and pulling the darkness out of him and being dazzled and literally asking him out to dinner is all normal and straight dude stuff

lanamia? girlfriends? really? i cant believe you thought that going to law school together and being both a detective and prosecution at the same time she was a defense attorney and being close enough to her you had to push her away and break contact when you got involved with a murder and dying at the hands of the man that blackmailed her and her being the first person you tried to contact when you were in trouble and being attracted to her (intellectually) could possibly mean anything not straight at all.

franmaya?? wtf are you on about??? wdym you saw acts of lesbianisms when two women admire each others strengths for being so strong in her own way in the exact same situation as herself and when theyre narrative foils and when one of them avoids whipping the other despite not doing this for pretty much anyone else and when she spends all night on a freezing cold mountain doing something extremely difficult to make sure the other is okay and out as soon as possible?

faraskye? HA dont make me laugh. why are you even telling me about how theyre literally a detective and thief which fits the trope perfectly and about how they investigate together and about how they worry about each other and how they both have big dreams about their careers in the future which theyre super passionate about and have entirely planned until something comes in their way?? this is all heterosexual behaviour???

blackmadhi? you mean having opposite designs that are black + edgy and white + holy while having the complete opposite personalities to their outfits and calling each other sad monk and reverse panda while fiercely going off against each other because neither of them can bear to lose and putting up facades to keep others away from their true selves but still caring about their younger siblings and doing anything for their sakes? yeah i dont see it.

junithena? youve got to be kidding. playing together in the woods as children and growing up to still remember each other even when others dont approve and being determined to help her find her true self and being worried that shes anxious while remembering what happens when she does even though its been years and getting mad at anyone who bothers her and sobbing because she gave you an orange and promising to defend her no matter what and taking a risk so that she doesnt get in trouble in court and calling each other nicknames and getting jealous that two people are fighting over her love while calling her a bunch of compliments and being supportive but sad when she gets a crush on a guy for some weird forking reason doesnt mean anything at all.

asoryuu????? whaaaat??? cant believe you ever thought that being certified besties and taking a huge risk so that said bestie wouldnt lose their dream and calling each others partners like every line and that thinking hes the pride and joy of your university and not sleeping in the same bed so you can go into the closet and teasing each other while still showing your unbreakable bond is homosexual activity.

tldr: theyre straight /s and i hate them

[robinrequiems]

ok ig cashier damian is my latest hyper fixiation, so let’s add

• Ight so, on fridays, jon cannot come in all the time, very rarely can he. and when he does. he sees a very cute sleepy damian who also wants to punch him:)

• damian is just a mess. he didn’t have time to fix his appearance because as soon as he got out of school, he had to change in a shitty unsanitary grocery store bathroom.

• it was not fucking fun. it never is. damian is so over it. jon normally sees Damian working on homework quickly before putting it away when Jon or other customers show

• damian cannot be asked to look like a normal human being when he just finished 7 sad hours of school in ANOTHER shitty uniform. he hates uniforms

Jon: you look like you’re gonna fall asleep

Damian: ugh, look who it is, the good boy from metropolis who doesn’t look like a creep at all when he comes here just to talk to me. woo hoo!

Jon: nice to see you too

• jon normally sucked on lollipops when he didn’t want to chew on gum, plus sometimes he chews on gum really aggressively and it hurts his jaw

• but let’s talk abt jonny: star athlete ( I’m a simp for athletes jon, please kill me. he’s a basketball player in this though. he got the height for it anyway ), himbo-vibes, and overall sweetheart.

• at least that’s what everyone else thinks. his life is a cycle. A very miserable cycle. It’s honestly tiring and hurts his head and generally takes his mood down

• but then he drove to bludhaven in his new car and brand new license. and he saw him.

• sure he’s seen moody teenagers working at stores before, but this boy; Damian, by his name tag, was different. He SENSED IT

• jon found that he liked different

• damian.. just didn’t easily talk with Jon like so many did at home. he liked a challenge

• and Damian was his challenge

• so he wasted so much gas and time and money to visit him.

• he was so whipped

• he was attracted to him. just the way he did things. like goddamn. ok.

• then his friends and him took a trip there. it was Saturday, they were gonna leave on Sunday. it was for Kathy’s birthday. He had no idea why she wanted to go here.

• oh. yeah. The idiots taken in for underaged drinking. Jon didn’t drink. ( he was a good boy and designated driver ) so he was just there trying to get the officers to let his friends off the hook

Damian: oh look, guess the good boy isn’t really a good boy.

Jon: Damian—? No! I’m here to get my friends out!

Damian: figures, you’re too innocent to do bad things.

Jon: what did you do then?

Damian: well wouldnt my you like to know

Dick: Damian! There you are! Sorry, I was calling up some parents- who is this?

Damian: Good boy.

Dick: ah.

Jon: Jon Kent.. nice to meet you

Dick: wait. As in Clark Kent?

Jon: yeah? that’s my dad

Dick: aw your dad used to babysit me

Damian: can we go now

Dick: hush Damian, I’m feeling nostalgic

• so Damian learned jons name. And jon got to see Damian in regular clothes, so that was cool

• he also got in trouble and couldn’t see Damian for a month because his parents were upset about what happened.. understandable, but jon was still upset

Tai: soo, that was him?:)

Jon: shut up

• tai accidentally found out about cashier boy, it was very funny for tai. not Jon. he teased jon for being whipped.

• sure jon liked damian for his looks at first. then he liked him for him.

Jon: dad, some guy named dick said hi

Clark: jon it isn’t— wait-

Jon: he said you babysat him

Clark: really? You saw him, how did he look? I haven’t seen him since he was a kid!

Jon: um. good?

Clark: where did you see him?

Jon: ..the police place

• his parents put a tracker on jons phone. now they were so confused why their son kept going to Giant Beagle in bludhaven. it was. weird.

• they just- was he meeting someone?? why was he doing this? WAS HE GETTING DRUGS? wait. no. it’s jon. jon couldn’t even stand the smell of cigarettes

Lois: jon.. honey.

Jon: yeah?

Lois: why do you keep driving to bludhaven? I’m worried about you and want to make sure you aren’t doing anything.. bad. Or dangerous.

• granted, it was very dangerous going out there, but he liked it. he liked the thrill of when he got to walk damian back sometimes! HE WAS GETTING CLOSER TO DAMIAN!

• oh also. it turns out damian gave him a fake number

• rude.

• damian always warned him though. and tried to make jon not walk far. jon was.. jon was a good boy. he would never survive in bludhaven frequently, jt worried humored damian.

• sometimes jon came by during the day. Damian’s Sunday shift was in the evening while his Saturday one was in the morning. jon got to go get lunch with him sometimes if Damian felt like there were enough people around that would know if he got kidnapped or not

Damian: why do you bother talking to me? most get bored of me and my attitude.

Jon: I find it charming. you’re fun to talk to. you feel so real. almost everyone in my life feels artificial and like I’m living in a disney Chanel movie.

Damian: *he laughed* oh?

Jon, loving Damians laugh rn: yeah! it’s like they’re.. androids or somethin’.

Damian: why don’t you just find someone snarky from metropolis?

Jon: it wouldn’t be as fun then.

Jon: i like a challenge.

• getting to know damian was like trying to beat the hardest level in his game. it was mind blowing how many times he basically had to restart. Damian was also like a Rubix cube, but jon will get there. He already has 1 side done on it.

Jon: so you live with your brother?

Damian: yes.

Jon: nice

• jon didn’t pry. Damian and dick had became forgotten after bruces death, a lot of the kids did. they just all disappeared from the media like ghosts.

• so jon didn’t know that dick wasn’t his blood relative, or that Damian was Bruce’s child. no one really did

• it wasn’t like it mattered though anyways

Damian: basketball is lame.

Jon: have you ever played?

Damian: yes. it sucked ass

• jon has helped Damian restocked late at night sometimes. Damian doesn’t like him touching things, but the faster he does it, faster he can go home to get his pets, alfred, and his idiot brother

Damian: you waste a lot of gas coming to see me.

Jon: it’s worth it.

• jon had to get a job. boo. he worked on days he didn’t have practice and sadly, on sundays.

• he was a worker at a small cafe, he was just a waiter there

• and then one day, on a Sunday, Damian came in with a few people. WAIT DAMIAN CAME IN

Jon: DAMIAN

Damian, clearly startled: what the fuck, jon!

Jon: why’re you here! how long are you staying! ARE TOU REALLY HERE!

Maya: is this who you were talking about?

Damian: shut up.. but calm down, idiot.

Damian: .. you got a haircut.

Jon: you- you noticed? sorry I couldn’t come this week. was busy this week and needed to catch up on sleep.

Damian:’it’s fine. I guess I really should give you my number now.

Colin: that was smooth

Jon: really?

Damian: mhm. after you seat us, dumbass.

Jon: oh right

• and Damian did give jon his number

• a real one dw

Maps: he was cute.. he single?

Maya: he wouldn’t be single if Damian just manned up

Colin: they practically just stared at each other the whole time when they thought the other wasn’t looking

Damian: wait he was looking at me?

Maya: oh damians so whipped.

• oh how the cashier is falling for the waiter

• sounds like a hallmark film.

• next week jon did end up visiting him in ‘haven, and drove him home.

• damians feet were hurting and he was tired so he didn’t even bother to argue.

• jon couldn’t come to visit his favorite cashier during winters a lot, he may of liked his new “dangerous” life, but he heard how bad the roses could get from Damian

• damian was a bit sad and moody because of that. but shut up. you don’t know anything dick

Dick: you know.. you should invite him inside

Damian: so you can embarrass me? no thank you.

Dick: me? embarrass you? never. but come on, you have never shown interested in anyone before! I wanna meet him!

Damian: you already did. At the police station. you forget or something?

Dick: .. that wasn’t really the best first meeting. come on. please?

Damian: no.

[nahoyaglock]

WHEN I STOP BREATHING..

pairings! ushijima x reader

summary! sitting on the beach, so close to each other they can hear each other’s heartbeats. They both smile and they watch the world end right in front of them, reminiscing on all they’ve been through together. Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

genre! angst

word count! didnt bother actually counting so ill estimate maybe 2000+

warnings! end of the world, death, murder mention, slight ooc ushijima idk its the end of the world so pff

a/n! uh idk i wanna hurt people, sorry if this is bad i havent written in a while :p i feel like the beginning was really good, the middle was ass and the end was okay but hoh im happy enough w this. I also cried writing this ngl lmaoo also did not fix any errors so my bad

You knew it was coming, you both did. New reports, articles, it was trending on all social media platforms. It was unavoidable, what could you do but waste away your last few days, watching old shows you watched as a kid, harsh knocks and cries from your doors from friends and family. You couldnt face them, you just wanted to drown out the thought of what was coming the next few hours of the day.

You had woken up and sluggishly dragged yourself from the comfort of your bed to your dirty kitchen, littered with dirty dishes and some uneaten food that youd try to make, but didn't have the stomach to eat. Your phone rang atleast every hour or two, many unanswered calls and long voicemails you couldnt bother to listen to.

There was a knock on your door, and you sighed, not wanting to bother with facing the person at the door. You turned on your heels, about to head to your room when you heard the voice call out to you.

"y/n."

Out of all the people why did it have to be him. You bit your lip and let out shaky breaths. You took another step, freezing at another set of knocks. The last persom you wanted to see was your boyfriend.

"y/n let me in or ill tear this door down." His voice was stern, laced with seriousness and slight concern. You wanted to open it, let him in and crumble into his arms, but it hurt so bad.

"Go away." You spoke, loud enough to be heard through the door, but not loud enough to be a yell.

"y/n."

You hesitantly walked to the door, unlocking the bottom lock, the top lock remaining unlocked, too bothersome for you to have delt with anyways. At the sound of the click of the locks he opened the door with quick motions, while also being careful not to knock you over.

At the sight of his big frame you felt like the world had just stabbed you through the chest 28 times. You backed up with quick steps are your boyfriend reached out to hug you, scared that his touch would break down your facade. You tripped over your own feet, landing hard on your butt.

"Ush.. Ushijima," you started, not knowing exactly what you were trying to say, "Please dont touch me."

His heart sank when he saw you, lifeless and so frail. He guessed you havent been getting much sleep- or maybe too much sleep, and not eating as he took a quick glance towards the food littered kitchen counter.

It wasnt any better for you, seeing your normally cold and calm boyfriend with a worried expression and eye bags that made it obvious he hasnt got much sleep either.

You pull yourself up, your eyes boring through your boyfriends abdomen as you bit your lip, trying to think of what to say, and to also keep yourself from falling apart. "What do you want?"

"y/n. Dont be cold to me." It wasnt a question, but it wasnt a demand. "Sorry," you mumbled, leaving you two in silence for a while.

"Ushi, you should go home," you said, feeling your heart race, every second you spent in his presence, under his gaze, killed you. "You should call Tendou or something."

"Toshi." He said, making your head shoot up, looking him in his eyes, seeing a tear roll down his cheek, his face remaining mostly emotionless, fear slightly present in his eyes. "Please keep calling me Toshi."

You felt a pang in your heart, suddenly the reality of things hitting you. You were the only one going through this, you knew this but never gave it more than a mere thought. He was scared, he didnt know what he was doing, he just knew to find comfort in you, like youve told him to for many years into your relationship.

"Toshi," you breathed, reaching up to wipe the tear from his cheek, "Toshi lets go somewhere."

You never felt the need to go outside, wanting to be isolated, but being here with your boyfriend, you felt like running away, wanting to escape from the dark pit of your home. "Lets go to the beach"

"y/n–"

"Lets go. Lets go, right.. right now Toshi," you felt as if though youve felt shoked by lightning, like you suddenly got hit with some sugar rush.

"We dont have time–"

"We do Toshi, we do, we do," you saw the corner of his lips raise up into a small smile. He hated seeing you like this but he was glad you were more alive than you were minutes before. You knew this, what he was thinking, and you knew his smile had so much sadness behind it, "we have time, lets go, lets go!"

You grabbed his hand and dragged him out of your apartment, not bothering to change from your days out clothing or close the door behind you. It wouldnt matter in another hour anyways.

The ride there was mostly silent, songs playing quietly on the radio. You watched as you passed through the town, the streets were slightly empty, stores looked run down, some stores even tore up and empty.

"Has it been like this since.. since the announcement?" You mumbled, earning a hum for Ushijima.

"Yeah, yeah it has." He knew that you didnt go out, and he was slightly grateful for it. The world went to shit after the announcement, many lootings, murders and other various crimes being commited.

"Im glad your safe Toshi," you spoke into your palm.

"Im glad your safe too."

The ride went on in silence until you got to the beach. You both climbed out of the car, the beautiful blue sea sparkling under the sunny sky. It was funny how such a depressing day could look so so beautiful.

"Hmm, this is the beach we went to with the team our senior year, remember?" He asked and turned to face you. The fear in his eyes was much more evident in the light, along with signs of personal neglict. He hasnt been taking good care of himself either.

You walk around the front of the car to grab his hand, your small hands tracing light circles on his rough palms before linking your hands together, giving him a comforting squeeze. "I remember."

He let out a shaky breath he didnt know he was holding in, and you two found a nice spot on the beach to sit and watch the sky. "Toshi, do you remember the time goshiki got gummy bears stuck in his nose?"

He looked at you, and his face softened, "yeah. Yeah i do." He let out a small chuckle at the thought of his old teammates. "Do you remember when Tendou took my water bottle and filled it with really sour lemonade?" He asked, you could hear his voice unravel into a more comfortable tone, instead of one holding in so much hurt and fear.

"Ha, i actually helped him with that you know?" You spoke up, a small grin on your lips as your boyfriend grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him. "We'll its okay, because it was 2 years ago."

It had been 2 years. 2 years since you had become shiratorizawas manager, 2 years since you made the number 1 ace fall head over heels for you, 2 years since you had went on your first date with him.

"2 years, its been so long." You laid your head on Ushijimas arm, feeling tired. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and placed a kiss atop your head.

"Thats when we first started dating," you spoke, shoulders shaking with a small laugh, "i would've never imagined to have the nations number 1 ace fall so madly in love with me." You laughed and turned to your boyfriend to continue your teasing, but stopped when you saw him looking back at you.

He couldn't respond with anything more than a mere chuckle, tears now streaming down his cheeks. You bit your lip, scooting closer to him so you were in his lap, wrapping your arms around his large stature.

"Toshi, I love you." It was no more than a whisper and he placed a warm, loving kiss to your temple, rubbing your back softly as he let out a shaky laugh.

"y/n god, you make it so hard not to cry." He whispered in an unstable tone, resting his head atop yours. "I love you too."

This was how it was, clinging to the other and sharing old tales of your days spent with Ushijima and the boys, tales of times tendou had snuck out of the dorms and got caught by washijou, or when goshiki cut his bangs too short, or how Ushijima brought your parents a half eaten watermelon as a gift.

Those last moments spent with laughs and tears, kisses and hugs, warmth and comfort, those were your best memories. Despite the fate to cross you, Ushijima and everyone else in the world, you felt like you could smile for the first time.

You would smile alot, but it felt different this time. You convinced yourself that it was just because you had been withering away for the past days, but you knew it was because you felt free.

You had no worries in the moment with your lover, you didnt need to think about getting up for work the next day, or how you would afford next months rent. You felt like the largest weight had been lifted off of you, and you could really smile for the first time.

There was a slightly rumble if the ground that had made you and Ushijima go silent. You pulled away from your spot in the crook of his neck to look at him, fear still in his eyes.

"I dont wanna die," he chuckled out, "but im not sad." He drew small shapes into your hips with his thumbs, looking onto your laps instead of your face, and you just stared at him.

His usually stoic face was calmed, relaxed, his jaw unclenched and his eyes soft. You hadnt seen so many emotions from your boyfriend so much, it was almost scary. But he looked so gorgeous, he was your world.

"Wakatoshi Ushijima, you know," your placed your hands on both sides of his face, "it doesnt matter what happens to this world, because," you placed a passionate kiss to his lips, the tears finally falling from your eyes, "you, you're my world Toshi."

He let out a noise that was similar to a choke, tears rolling down the apple of his cheeks as he placed his forehead to yours, letting his shoulders shake with hard sobs. Loud crashes, screams and car alarms had let you know it was coming, the end of the world.

The last thing you saw was Ushijima, smiling snd crying, mouthing out one last 'I love you'.

Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

�� tomura-heart — all rights reserved. reposting, modifying, or copying is not allowed. do not translate. do not read my writing as asmr. do not plagiarize.

[blog-jei6x]

How start to love favoritism and get redemption arc in LO.

So i want to talk about Underworld work, especially how much there prospers favoritism. There is you can read post why favoritism is bad 

link

as in this post i started to interest in it after discussion between Daphne and Thanatos, but after i started reread LO i have seen how much Thanatos was right, but his position was shamed by everyone, by"good" characters, by audience, even Author have shown it as something wrong, and only he strated to love Persephone and thought that special attitude to her is fine, he became good person and start his redemtion arc.

i don't want to talk about how unbalanced this relationship is (I saw many posts about it and i have nothing to add), i am more interested how it influences on other co-workers.

Favoritism in underworld or maybe on Olymp seems to be something normal, because Hera given this work for Persephone for to get closer with Hades (it was hinted very clear), although they had antoher opotuinities for this, with their finances and love for Savor they could do Dinner party, ball, party etc where Persephone and Hades could know each other better. Why was love affair at work best variant for it? I sincerely have no idea.

Wherein Persephone said that she isn't enough skilled for this work, so someone enough skilled doesnt get this position, because Hera want to make couple from Persephone and Hades.

i would be fine if Persephone try hard for this job, yes, some characters said that she is smart, but I didn't see her labor and striving, i dont feel like she deserve this position, her only merit on that moment was beuty, it  s not enogh i think, btw to be nice and kind too. As they say in my country "a good person is not a profession".

Let's look on Underworld's bosses.

in story RS tried to show as Hades is hard worker, he preferred work to relationship, he thinks about work even in strip club and many characters said that he is so. But his behavior shows him absolutly from another side.

to my mind he and Hecata busy only his personal life. With Minthe and after with Parsephone.

as soon as Hades knew that Persephone in Underworld he left everything and flew to save her, very romantic, isn't it? but let's think a bit: Persephone came in dangerous closed facility (btw where their security system?) and made accident, it like someone broke in secret laboratory and start the fire, even if it accidentally it s not something that would be left without responsibility.

Someone can said: it's not her fault, it reptile Minthe! I partially agree with it (only partially) but it s truth for audience not for Hades, he didnt know it. For him it should be random person which got into forbidden place and acted badly there.

Hades reaction: he started to regret her, to apologize, to go everywhere with her, What the Hell was going on? oh yes and another co-workers had to look for Persephone`s brooch and cloak, so they had to left their their direct responsibilities, because somebody coulndt go away after she understood that this place is dangerous, she could wait after door of Tower 4 or befor Hades cabinet, she wouldnt lost anything in this way. But Persephone is sooo smart, isnt she, Hera?

btw very considerable moment Thanatos started to worried about his work when he knew that Persephone is liked by Hades, because he entered in train before her, does it mean that Hades not only choose favorites but shamed co-workers which dont like this favorites? we will see that yes he do it.

Another situation is presentation Persephone, oh i feel your cringe Minthe, i were in similar situation, my past boss forced our team to congratulate his girlfriend with birthday, should i say that we even didnt know her?  it was so awkward. when i read this part of story i feel the same cringe as in that day. Yeah this boss was kinda terrible, mb he didn't like me because i am not enough beauty for him? i have this feeling after LO reading.

First working day of Persephone is just quintessence of favoritism. initially Hecate went with her everywhere, after - Hades started to do it, they even changed his schedule and yeah i find indignation of Minthe and Thanatos (i dont care about their motives now) very reasonable and Hecates arguments were just silly. Why he should work with someone unqualified? and why boss dont have better business than to take an excursion ​on Underworld with new intern?

Hecate arguments is annoying, he cant said that she is unskilled (she is really so) because he eaten her baklava? great. Why they need to apologize for Persephone stupidity? Tell me someone pls, it s to hard for my mind. And yeah it's not school prom, mb Hades will start to work and stop flirting with new intern?

Oh i start to hate her, how she can be one of the favorite character by audience. Can she just be honest? Persephone is here and everyone go around her because Hades find her attractive.

Another favoritism example it is Persephone salary, Author could not accentuate that trainee dont get salary in Underworld, and it would be fine, okay she get receive income now but no, Persephone should be special and other interns aren't so special,  it would okay if she would work in office some time and she would be so hard worker that leadership would want to prize her for it. But she is just special, just because she is attractive for Hades. 

In chapter 88 Persephone confessed that she flirt with Hades, but she dont want special treatment, but she embarrassed only by business card, not salary, not that everyone worry about her. It shown as joke, oh ha-ha how naive Persephone, for me it looks not like joke, more like mockery for people who work hard and don't have such prizes, because they are not attractive for their bosses.

And in this chapter Hades left his working place and gone to decide Persephone's problems, problems other workers don't matter, but Hecata asked nice question.

i think no, how Hade's corporation are still active and success with such directors?

but actually no, looks like Thanatos and Minthe are still try to do some job, because only they could teach Persephone how to work with computer program (why is not Hermes? he works in the same position as Thanatos does it mean that he doesn't understand in this work anything because she even did not ask him?) and  I on Thanatos side in this, why he should spend his time for her?  (He already has trouble that he works worse than Hermes) and btw he tried to work, did not fawn for boss favorite, so he tried to make his work better in honest way.

And maybe she will try to read user guide? if she learned how to rule car from reading what is problem to do the same with computer program? and doesn't waste time of another workers.

Anyway It's strange that people which try to work are not fire yet. Because another worker who tried to do her work right was almost fired, because princess don't know her ID. Whose fault is it? Again for Persephone's fault another worker had trouble, and why is shown as humor again? why pain and fear are funny here, and it's unfunny where Gestia acted with Persephone in similar way. I think if it s funny it should be funny with everyone not only with defenseless and weak workers which isnt boss favorite.

and of course hades gone to bank with their interns, because what else he could do on the work? pffffff

the only time where Hades reaction looks adequate at the start at least, it accident where Persephone given coins to souls which made riot  because of it and again with it should deal other workers. everything what happened with Persephone that Hades was a bit angry and after they kissed, she transformation in butterflies, he forget about this accident and started to search what transformation means.

I thought it makes no sense to compare relationship Hades/Persephone and he\his other workers. For everything that she done any other worker would be fired, beaten, killed or something.

this leitmotif in LO if you like Persephone you are nice, if you don't - go to hell. Thanatos redemption start from his liking Persephone and think that Favoritism is fine.

Why it should care other workers and Thanatos especially? because they have trouble because of her, she tried to waste their time, and some great hard worker dont get any prize, where she get prize only for flirting with boss. their boss became unproductive and don't care about them, he think only about his sweet princess. 

So go away Daphne, pls. You are such smart as Persephone.

Btw Thanatos is gathering souls, and Hermes falsified counts of souls because of Persephone, i am not sure about that but looks like Hermes productivity were such great because of this falsification,  so if it is so, he can hate her with pure conscience, because he was blamed that he is lazy and bad worker and didnt get increase in salary.

So okay, i think Favoritism can be in fiction, but not how it was shown in LO, as something unequivocally positive and romantic, and Thanatos opinion was unequivocally shamed, everything it can work with grey moral story and such type of characters, someone can say: in LO characters are "grey", maybe, for me they are much worse than grey, but in story they dont show as grey, grey moral story it s when you can like any character and dont be in others eyes "misogynic" or no one will say to you "dont sit right with me" because of it, and another phrases which get person who prefered unpopular LO characters.

Oh what a huge post, thank you if someone read it to the end)

[ashisstrange]

MASTERLIST

ʷᵒʳᵈˢ: ².²ᵏ

ᵖᵃⁱʳⁱⁿᵍ: ᶜʰⁱˡᵈᵉ ˣ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵗᵃᵍˢ: ʰᵘʳᵗ/ᶜᵒᵐᶠᵒʳᵗ, ˢˡⁱᵍʰᵗ ᵃⁿᵍˢᵗ, ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ ⁱⁿˢᵉʳᵗ, ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵍⁱᵛᵉ ʰⁱᵐ ᵃ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ ᵃˡʳᵉᵃᵈʸ

✥﹤┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈﹥✥

Its late in the night, far too late for your liking. The moon is glistening in the sky with it's stars, providing a small sheen of light in your dark room, passing through the curtains. It's not unusual for Tartaglia to get home late considering his occupation, but you never got used to the worry pooling in ur gut each hour that passes without him by your side.

What if he's gotten incredibly hurt and you're not there to help? What if one day he doesn't return home? Nontheless you always prepare extra dinner and make the bed, even on nights he doesn't return. You never had the idea of coming home to loving arms and warm dinner as a kid, so it felt as if it's your duty to make sure Tartaglia never suffers that feeling.

The feeling of a stab in the chest as you enter the dark house, eerily silent. You'd always pad your way to the kitchen silently and snag a sandwich before going to bed in your room. Your living situation had never been inherently bad, but the people you lived with, the people any other person would've called their parents, seemed to make everything unbearable.

That is why when you turned 18 you moved out to Liyue harbor, and your close friend Zhongli was there every step of the way. You had run into him once during a trip at the age of 16, and you had kept contact through letters ever since.

The man, at the time, told you he was 23, but he never really seemed to age. You brushed it off, probably overthinking it. That is the same person that introduced you to Childe, it was quite a sudden occurence, but you'll be forever grateful.

You needed a place to stay and your friend told you that his friend wouldnt mind a roommate, and that he was rarely found home anyways. You took up the offer, not knowing that your roommate would be one of the fatui harbingers.

You were off to a rocky start, the man refusing to talk to you the very few times he was at the appartment. Later though, he seemed to warm up to you, ever so slowly.

You don't remember how your relationship ever came to be, it's not like you've ever explicitly put a label to it. There was just a moment where you felt as if everything changed. What you had wasn't just merely a romantic relationship, it was more than that. To provide each other comfort and love like no one else had ever done before. Unconditional love that didnt seem to falter, even during the moments where you parted ways.

You smile to yourself, remeniscing the days you barely talked, and the days you spent helping him when he was wounded. There was one particular night he just crashed into your bed in the middle of the night, even though he usually only used the couch.

He had clung to you as if you were his only lifeline, sleeping soundlessly as you laid in shock. The shock died down after a few seconds though, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. Not long after you fell asleep too, and since that night Tartaglia had never slept on the couch ever again.

You check th clock. 4:37 Am, way too late to be up, but it's not like you'd sleep regardless. You'd probably get an ear full from Zhongli during your scheduled lunch the next day, but that, folks, is something for future you to deal with.

Suddenly you heard the turning of keys in a lock, and a door opening and slamming shut. That can only be one person. Then you heard a crash coming from the living room, making you shoot up. You slipped on your slippers as you quickly shuffled your way across the room and out into the living room.

You flicked on the light and were met by Tartaglia, slumped against the back of the couch. His bow was discarded to the side and he was breathing heavily. Sluggishly, his eyes opened to meet yours, his gaze seemed distant, almost empty.

You snapped out of your trance, rushing to pull his arm over your shoulder. You managed to drag him across the living room, over to the bathroom, settling him down on the closed lid of the toilet. You held up your hands, as if to say 'wait here'. You didn't dare break the silence that hung over you, scared that you'd set him off or something.

He didn't seem to protest, so you left to go get the med kit from the kitchen, and a clean rag to clean off the blood splattered across his skin. Was it his? That was a question that, regardless if you could guess the answer, would be left unanswered. As always.

He met your eyes when you returned, seeking for some contact. He knew how much you hated blood. The stickyness, the sickening smell and the thought of what must have happened that involved getting covered in blood. You always helped him regardless, and he thanked you dearly for that. After a long day he simply could not do it himself.

It makes him feel helpless, but you're always right by his side to make him feel better. You wet the rag, cleaning off his calloused hands. His face too had some traces of blood, but those were easily wiped away as well.

After some emergency stitches and a bandage around his bicep you motioned for him to stand up, letting him know that the treatment was done. He was still quite weak, but not as much as before.

"Thanks," he croaked, the first words you shared in 2 days. His voice sounded devoid of any confidence. He seemed very fragile, but you didn't comment it.

"No worries," You send him a reassuring smile, helping him get up and over to the bedroom. You see him visibly relax once he's in bed, snuggling into the sheets. He immediately rolls over towards you when he feels the matress dip, wrapping his arms around your waist.

His face is buried in between your shoulder blades, and it's nearly impossible for you to turn over and look at him. He only does that when he's in a bad mood, and you stop putting in effort to try and face him.

"Bad day?" He hums, the vibrations thrumming against your back. He seems tense, but you're careful not to trigger him too much. The last thing you want is to stress him out even more, knowing he has a lot on his plate already.

After a while, when you've started nodding away assuming he fell asleep you suddenly feel movement behind you. You open your eyes as you hear a small sniffle. It's almost as if you could hear your hart shatter from beneath your ribs. He probably thought you were asleep too.

His arms had relaxed, allowing you to turn around easily. His ocean blue eyes met yours, big with surprise, even though they seemed almost grey-ish in the faint moonlight. All you could do is smile at him as you opened his arms, for him to rely on you.

And that's exactly what he did. qHe fell into your chest, sniffling and crying freely as you drew patterns on his back, your other hand running through his hair. You could almost feel his clogged nose by the way he was having trouble breathing. After a bit his sobbing eased down to mere sniffles as you handed him a handkerchief to blow out his nose.

He used to have a lot of trouble with that, relying on people. Upon meeting him he imediately sparked you as the type of person that didnt bother anyone with his personal feelings, bottling them up for only him to experience. You could see how it physically and mentally ate away at him

That's why one day you faced him, and opened your arms. He had quirked up a brow, confused at what you were insinuating. "Rely on me." You said, and he chuckled, assuming it was a joke.

When you didn't move he realised you weren't kidding. Eventually you wrapped your arms around him, the man tense in your grip. "You don't seem to want to bug anyone else with your problems, so you can rely on me instead,"

You had no idea ho much those words had meant to him, they stuck by him like gum under a shoe. It felt good, he admitted, to have someone to rely on.

"I'm so sorry," He croaks, and he sounds nearly as small as he did in the bathroom half an hour ago, his eyes red with tears. Seeing him like that made your chest clench in pain, knowing the pain the world has caused him.

"There's nothing for you to apologise for," he seems to be taken aback by your comment, maybe even... offended?

"N-no way, i'm clearly a burden to you and a waste of yo-" you shut him up by pressing a kiss to his lips, making his eyes widen.

"You have nothing to apologize for because i am here for you, willingly. I promised to help you with whatever you're going through didn't i," He nods in defeat, leaning back into you. The way he cuddles up to you almost seems domestic, forgetting the fact that he kills people for a living.

"You need to take a break sweetie, otherwise you'll just keep eating yourself up," You stroke a lock of hair out of his face that nearly seemed glued by the stickyness of his tears. He furrows his brows, creating deep creases in between them.

"You know i can't, there's way too much for me to do," He looks up at you, as if he's offended you brought it up in the first place. You press your thumb in between his brows, easing up the crease and stopping him from furrowing.

"We both know it isn't a crime to take a week off, considering you've never used your days off," He tries to butt in, but you shush him before he can start. "And before you start about 'your duties', there's enough harbingers at the fatui, it's not like they can't send Scaramouche to deal with your business for a bit,"

He frowns again, but you resume in stroking his hair. "Besides, if they don't allow you to take off, which i highly doubt, they'll have me to deal with," You smirk. His eyes crinkle up as he musters a small smile. You're not the most intimidating person on the planet, but it's the sentiment that matters.

"What would i even do in that week though," he huffs, fiddling with the back of your shirt as he seems deep in thought.

"Well i had just the idea," you chuckle as he looks at you in disbelief. His eyes are still a bleary red, but you can tell he's a lot less tense than earlier. "And that is..." He continues, his tone ever so curious.

"Say, how long has it been since you've been back home," he visibly tenses up, not meeting your eyes. You know its a sensetive topic, but it'd really do him good to go back home to see his family.

"I dont know, nearly two years," his voice is merely above a whisper, bless the fact that the room is so silent you'd be able to hear a pin drop. You adjust your position so that he's laying against you more comfortably, going back to stroking through his hair.

"Well i thought we could book it to shnezhynaiya for a week or two, spend some time with your family," He lays still against you, as if he'd break if he moved. "After all, they've only heard about me through letters," you chuckle.

You hold him a little tighter, leaning into the warmth. "Wouldn't you like that?" You say in his ear, just above a whisper. That seems to break him, the realisation dawning on him that he'd get to see his family again.  Tears run down his face once again, only this time they're not caused by distress. He nods as he buries his face back into your shoulder.

You stroke his back as you continue talking about your trip, soothing him. Later, when he's stopped crying, he talks along. He tells you about his parents, about how his mother used to be there for him through everything. About how he used to go ice fishing with his father in the winters, and proudly mention he caught a very big fish once.

He also tells you about his siblings, about how he cares for every single one of them very dearly. He also tells you about the spots he wants to visit with you he used to hang out at.

He tells you all about it, and for the first time in a while you see him smile. Really, genuinely smile. The kind of smile where his eyes crinkle up and he bares his teeth. It's an incredibly endearing sight, and u make a mental note to never forget it.

Suddenly he yawns. "You must be exhausted," you chuckle as you both adjust your positions, ready to fall asleep. He only hums as he keeps his eyes shut, pulling up his blanket. His breathing evens out as he falls asleep.

You smile as you look at his resting face, snuggling closer to him as you think; god, how did i get this lucky

[mywritingonlyfans]

ok i spent 20 minutes trying to find my angst prompts christ

so a long while ago (think before iwbys mv dropped) i share some angst prompts of what i think each of the band members would be anxious about

we are picking up damiano cause i am writing about him in parallel to this

i had made the assumption of damiano always overworking himself to succeed. he sees overworking himself is the only way he will trully have any chances to produce great work

"i feel like damiano is more likely to stress work, like burning himself out cause he thinks thats when he does his best work." to quote myself lmao.

personally, when im overworked i tend to be mor aggravated and moody, snapping easily and feeling sad and shitty

so imagine as his s/o, you see damiano working on lyrics from home over the winter. he sits on the couch, scribbling furiously every few minutes in a notebook of some kind

the next morning, you wake up and damiano isnt in bed. and he wasnt there when you went to sleep last night

so you go to the living room and he is sitting in pretty much the same spot, coffee on the table and a cigarette burning in the ashtray

you ask him about and he says he did sleep but woke up early to work

you doubt it at first but then you decide to believe him.

the entire day, dami is just sitting on the same spot on the couch, he hasn't moved in a certain 7 hours and he still is scribbling in that lyric notebook.

after some persuation he eats something and drinks something other than energy drinks or coffee (water) but he goes back to work instantly after that.

you understand he has to work but you are still mad that he is working non stop, giving almost no attention to you

you go to bed earlier that day, and you wait for him to come to bed until around 2am, when you lost hope and slept.

the next morining he is still there, with the addition of too many cans of energy drinks and too many finished cigarettes.

he actually looks dead and you try and talk to him but he doenst even aknowledge you.

for the entire day you tried to get dami to eat something or drink some water or to go lay down but he just shakes his head and works on the lyrics.

at this point hes been working non-stop for 3 days consecutively and you are worried

by night he keeps sighing loudly and scribbling on the notebook, getting mad at himself, sometimes even softly hitting his head. you know its from frustration but you couldn't break him out of the mindset. you had talked to vic and she had told you about this 'state'

at some point while you are sitting inside the bedroom, on your phone, you hear damiano curse very loudly after something fell on the floor.

you thought it was just a glass, so you got up to clean up and you just see damiano sitting on the godforsaken couch, this time looking down at the floor where water was spilt and where some tissues lay

(tw blood and mention of intrusive thoughts) (i am self projecting yes shush)

when you go there there you see the tissues on the floor also had ink on them

it was weird and it was weirder there was so much ink you could see from the kitchen

you go there and damiano is covered in water and ink, and on top of it, his hands are bleeding.

that was a traumatising sight in and of itself but seeing him with tear stained eyes made it worse

you slowly help him up from the couch to the bathroom to help him wash off the ink and to see why his hands were bleeding

while you tried to clean the ink from his chest, he explained how he was so stressed cause he forgot a deadline with the band (it was the next day)

so he pulled 3 all nighters to hopefully get different drafts of some lyrics, and every day he was slower but he didn't allow himself to rest in any way cause his brain thought it would slow him.

as a coping mechanism he would scratch his hands a lot, hence why they were bleeding, especially where his tattoes are

he couldn't get work done since his in his mind "finish the song, meet the deadline, no matter what" played on repeat and he was really mad at himself and thought he just sucked at lyrics

he was so worried about not meeting the dealine and disappointing the others that he didnt allow himself to do anything but try and write lyrics, all because his stressed brain made him think the others would be really mad at him and hate him (yay anxiety)

he bit down on his pen too hard while he was thinking and broke it, and got his face covered in ink

he still didnt want to get up so he tried to take it off with tissues and water but he dropped the cup and the water.

he didnt want to bother you either cause he knew you would try to break his 'concentration' (anxiety fueled all nighters) and he wouldnt get anything done, plus he thought you were mad at him for ignoring you while he worked

this whole time you were washing the ink off you re-assured him constantly, both about himself and the band members forgiving him for the dealine, and also about his self worth as a lyric composer

then you help him out of the bath and to your bedroom, putting some cream on the irritated skin to help it somehow heal and you forced him to stay bedbound while you cleaned up

then you go lay with him and obligatory cuddles ensue

he falls alseep almost instantly and you just sit there petting his hair, still in disbelief cause you didn't know damiano got so stressed so bad

you made a mental note to always supervise him when he seemed stressed

it scared me a but but it looks good, i mean worryingly good... you're doing great babe!!!