#‘hell is real’ has replaced ‘i wanna kms’ as the phrase i constantly repeat to myself. I cant stop saying it like i dont have a choice
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This is the least depressed I have felt in years
#i think like maybe once every couple of weeks I’ll have an evening where I’m feeling down but I can still manage it pretty well#like it’s just sort of like ‘damn i hate feeling this way but im gonna do everything i can to make myself feel better’#and then make myself some food and do things to occupy my mind#I am out here living life#living life is a skill you have to cultivate which SUCKS but once you figure it out…#I didn’t understand so many things growing up that I just Get now#going to the shops by yourself doing what you want#legitimately did not know what i wanted to do#did not know what i liked or disliked#i was indifferent to everything#i dont understand how to be indifferent to everything now but i remember what it was like#im happy. im healthy. i honestly dont want to die anymore.#Legitimately did not see myself making it to 28 years old like 6 months ago and here i am with a completely new outlook on life#i survived so many situations. i put myself thru so many scenarios just hoping it would take me away but i lived anyway and im happy 4 that#I met people that felt the same way I did and I fought tooth and nail to save them even if only for that night#i cared so deeply for complete strangers. I feel like maybe I was trying to save myself thru them#my determination to prevent others from doing the things id been doing because deep down i knew it was wrong#who do we have if not eachother?#‘hell is real’ has replaced ‘i wanna kms’ as the phrase i constantly repeat to myself. I cant stop saying it like i dont have a choice#when im with others tho j find myself saying ‘what a good day’ with the same amount of unintentional force#i say it with much more intent and consciousness when i am alone#because so many days are good day. 13/14 of days are good days im noticing#even the days where i feel down at the end are good days. My feeling sad/anxious/depressed doesnt mean i had a bad day. even if it feels bad#i love my friends so much#and i love meeting so many people#i love meeting new people all the time even if i dont remember them#i want to remember them because so many people are so nice and i love those connections#what a good day today was. what a damn good day. Everything is okay.#Special thank you to my roommates and to my former roommates for being my biggest supporters and for saving my life
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