#‘I can excuse gay sex but I draw the line at gay kissing’

[slav-every-day]

[potteresque-ire]

🏳️‍🌈 Rec post!! A queer film + a queer TV series from Hong Kong ~

1) Twilight’s Kiss (叔·叔) (Dir. Ray Yeung 楊曜愷; 2019)

Twilight’s Kiss offers a very realistic depiction of two elderly, in-the-closet gays in Hong Kong, who have dedicated their lives building a conventional family before unexpectedly falling in love with each other. It is a quiet film, and the romance is told in the same subtle manner as love is expressed (and not expressed) in their generation. The actors were phenomenal at playing regular Hong Kong men of their age (Pak mentioned he “came to Hong Kong”, ie, he was a refugee from Mao’s China, as the vast majority of his demographics was), which added to the resonance of the story ~ they could’ve been anyone, and anyone could’ve been them. 

The director of the film, Ray Yeung, is an openly gay man.

(Long review: Hollywood Reporter) Streaming link to film (with English subtitles; pls ignore and close the pop-up window)

2) Ossan’s Love (大叔的愛) (2021)

The unlikely (and hilarious) love triangle between Muk (Left), Tin (Center) and KK (Right) in Ossan’s Love.

For those who found the name familiar, it’s because the series is a (faithful) remake of the popular 2018 Japanese series of the same name. The Hong Kong version is longer (15 episodes; ~ 40 min each) compared to the Japanese original, and its mood is cheerier, sweeter, and also ... more BL, with the lead characters Tin (Haruta in the original) and Muk (Maki in the original) played by two idols, Edan Lui 呂爵安 and Anson Lo 盧瀚霆, from the very popular local boy band MIRROR.

(Being idols didn’t prevent them from kissing. Not in Hong Kong, 2021.) (Yes, they kissed, and hugged and fought and bantered...)

Ossan’s Love is culturally significant in that it became the first gay drama to be aired primetime in Hong Kong, and by extension, in China. Beloved by the locals, it was also very much discussed—hk-queers expressed their (surprised) joy that finally, they got to see a respectful, dignified presentation of who they are and how they love. More importantly, they got to see HKers, older generations included, glued to the TV for their kind of love story, rooting for the lead male characters to get together. 

This signifies a broader acceptance of LGBT+ in the city than previously assumed; this is very important and comforting to the community in June, 2021, when the future of LGBT+ rights in the city is very uncertain. After the 2019 protests, pro-democracy leaders have been arrested and jailed in large numbers; newspaper that advocated for freedom has been shut down. Meanwhile, during the airing of Ossan’s Love , the (in)famous pro-Beijing politician, Junius Ho, claimed the series to have violated the city’s much feared, much abused National Security Law—the law that officially aims to catch “traitors”, but has been used as a “catch-all” excuse to arrest political dissidents and suppress the freedoms of the city. Ho was of sufficient prominence that his words could draw the attention of officials who have been sent from across the mainland-HK border to do Beijing’s bidding.

Also, Ossan’s Love was produced not by the powerful, once popular TVB (local TV station), which, with Chinese investors becoming its major shareholders like many other HK press and media companies, has become very pro-Beijing and conservative. The series was produced by ViuTV, a much smaller station preferred by young, pro-democracy Hong Kongers ... which means the future of the series, of its stars (MIRROR’s members are once-contestants of a ViuTV talent show), of even the station itself is also uncertain.

Hence, I’m recommending Ossan’s Love now ... even if the official version doesn’t have the best English subtitles. The full series is on Youtube (links below); the soundtrack is in Cantonese and (Traditional) Chinese subtitles are available, but English is only available via Youtube’s built-in Auto-Translate function. 

For those who would like to catch a short scene of two cute HK boys in love, the last 5 minutes of Ep 11 would be a nice place to watch. You can see how comfortable these two bandmates were with each other—Edan (Tin) had played two supporting roles before this series, while Anson (Muk) had never acted before. Edan and Anson have claimed that being close friends in RL meant their intimate scenes were easy to film (BTW, Anson is gay, Edan isn’t).

Edan Lui (Left) & Anson Lo (Right), Harper's Bazaar HK, May 2021. Edan was a uni student before joining hk-ent. Anson was a dance instructor.

(You can also see why, when I watched the Gg + Dd Happy Camp episode very, very early on in my turtlehood, I assumed Gg and Dd would have ample opportunities to work together again, to play and be happy in front of the camera ... just like how I remembered on-screen couples from my days in HK—the couples, the CPs of the time, would collaborate repeatedly after having demonstrated chemistry and become commercial success—in film and TV projects, in variety shows, in awards ceremonies as presenting guests etc etc. This multi-project collaboration was, and still is, viewed as a Very Good Thing, and not only for commercial reasons. The inter-personal fate (緣份) to play on-screen couples repeatedly, per the tradition of HK-ent, is something of a blessing, talked about as a small-scale version of having the destiny, the luck to be together across multiple lives, multiple incarnations. Actors treasure this kind of collaboration and the HK audience celebrates it, regardless of the marital status of the actors in RL. Entertainment news dedicate articles about it.) (There’s actually an example of that in Ossan’s Love: Kenny Wong 黃德斌, the actor who played the titular Ossan, KK, and Rachel Kan 簡慕華, who played his wife Francesca, had already played husband and wife three times before. Rachel had retired from acting in 2017 and moved to Canada; she told reporters that she returned to shoot Ossan’s Love primarily so that she could play Kenny’s wife again).

* Below is a small warning for Ossan’s Love ~ *

The humour of Ossan’s Love is often wild and zany, especially where it adapts from the Japanese original. Some of it, i-fandomers may find uncomfortable. Notably, the titular Ossan (Japanese, meaning “Older Man”) was Tin and Muk’s boss; and he and Darren, another superior of Tin and Muk, were also part of the romantic story line.

One can argue, therefore, that Ossan’s Love contains a *very* “Me Too” situation; however, this is also why I find Ossan’s Love interesting beyond being a Chinese-speaking gay drama—it is clear that the production team of this series meant no disrespect, and from the series’ reception, it’s also clear that hk-queers and other more progressive members among the audience didn’t see disrespect in the product. This series therefore offers a glimpse to the answers of some questions I’ve had: how does Hong Kong of 2021 translate respect for queers (as well as for older men and women) into day-to-day words and actions? How do these culturally-specific habits in speech and behaviour compare to the norms in, for example, the United States (that I’m familiar with)?

“Political incorrectness” was also found in some of Tin’s internal monologue. However, I thought, perhaps, that was why the series has proven to be disarming to the general audience both in HK and Japan, places with a tradition of homophobia stemming often not from malice, but from ignorance, from sex being considered taboo for so much of the places’ history. Tin, as someone who haven’t seemed to have spared a thought about homosexuality before the story had taken place, spoke the minds of the audiences who aren’t familiar with homosexuality. Muk, meanwhile, presented the perspective of someone who already understood what being gay was and wasn’t about. Tin, therefore, led the audience towards Muk and his views step by step, all the while without being judgemental—how could he be? He was one of them too during his journey. He was the student, and he was also the protagonist who everyone—and I mean everyone—loved (in a rather funny manner :D). 🌈

(Long review: BLwatcher)

Links to Ossan’s Love, official version uploaded by ViuTV: EP 1 EP 2 EP 3 EP 4 EP 5 EP 6 EP 7 EP 8 EP 9 EP 10 EP 11 EP 12 EP 13 EP 14 EP 15

ETA 2021/09/16: Streaming with English subtitles is available here.

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x12 Review

Second Chances was a lacklustre finale for an uneven season. Let’s dig in!

Earlier this week I re-watched S1 in preparation for the S2 finale and the contrast between the two seasons is jarring. In almost every way S2 has been worse and after seeing this finale I’m less optimistic that Tim will be able to fix the long list of things that have gone wrong. Tim has said in some of his interviews today that pretty much all of S2 was written before the pandemic and that they didn’t have to do as much re-writing as people might think due to the stringent safety measures Disney put in place. Of course, that removes an excuse for the bad writing we’ve seen so much of this season as according to Tim what we saw of S2 is largely what he envisioned minus big crowds and background dancers.

 Across his many interviews today, the one consistent point is that Tim does not have any real plans for future seasons; things like Ricky’s endgame he hasn’t decided on and he can’t even guarantee the summer season the finale sets up due to the weather in Salt Lake. I do think a S3 is an almost certainty given the show’s popularity but I’ll take Tim at his word that he truly doesn’t know if they’ll be renewed since it seems to be a new Disney tradition to wait until seasons are done airing before making a renewal decision (the same thing happened for the popular and well received Mighty Ducks: Game Changers which got a silent renewal only after all of S1 aired). That being said as poor of a season finale as Second Chances is it is also a terrible potential series finale. In large part it goes back to his lack of planning, he wants to keep all options open but in doing so Tim is crippling the show’s ability to deliver any pay offs or tie up loose ends.  

The one mostly well done plot line this season was Portwell which got a happy ending tonight as they canoned. The only good thing about the big brother angst was that it was so insane that it had to be addressed and sure enough it was and Gina got her first kiss with a guy she really liked. If Tim is to be believed the reason we didn’t get an on screen Portwell kiss was not because of their age difference or covid concerns but because he felt that everyone’s first kiss was different so he wanted it off screen so viewers could fill in the blanks themselves. Tim’s line of reasoning is profoundly stupid. Imagine if they had Jamie show up and he and Gina talked off screen and Tim tried to claim that because everyone has a different relationship with their own siblings that he wanted the audience to fill in the blanks as to how their conversation went!

Still we saw great character development on Gina and EJ’s part as both really grew from the people they were in S1. As Tim noted, EJ bringing Gina back in 1x10 was kind of the set up for this story line. The only thing missing was a brief Portwell scene sometime in eps 2x01-2x04 to set them up. The consistent development they got from 2x05-2x12 is unlike any other ship on the show; only Rini exceeds their development. 

Unfortunately I don’t think that will last in S3 because Tim will always favour Ricky over EJ and if he wants to do Rina he’ll dispose of Portwell before doing so. I was surprised that they never bothered to have Ricky and Gina have a conversation about Gina’s S1 confession. It was a huge mistake to have Gina pine over Ricky for half the season and it was no surprise that Gina’s story line got instantly better once she stopped interacting with Ricky. Tim has made clear in interviews that he’s still interested in the possibility of Rina which makes his poor writing of them even more bizarre. What conclusions are the audience supposed to draw from the Rina story line this season? That Ricky never cared that much about Gina? That it’s totally fine for the show if they don’t interact for 6 eps in a row? That Gina has moved on? I’ve said before that a wiser man than Tim would recognize that doing both Portwell and Rina will do tremendous damage to the show and he should pick one and not do the other. Of course he’s not that smart but it is wild how he’s accidentally written their story line to make for a perfect end to Rina. 

Second Chances was great and is the only part of the finale that would have been well suited to being part of a potential series finale. 

The Rini closure was a sad inverse of their S1 opening night confession. They’ve fallen so far from being the it couple of the series and I fear Tim doesn’t actually know what to do with them now. He really needs to decide if he’s tearing down that treehouse for real. 

The less said about the Valentine’s chocolates the better but at least Gina and Nini are cool again and Nini can explore her budding music career with Jamie’s help. Tim repeatedly said in interviews that the scripts about Nini’s music career were all written before Driver’s License came out and I think he understands that the audience is just going to see the show as copying from Olivia’s life. 

The wildcats just deciding to drop out of the Menkies was a lame cop out. Tim has said he always meant for that to happen though they were originally going to compete at the Menkies then drop out (presumably that’s where we would have heard Lily singing Home). Somebody should have mentioned the $50 000 prize money which the East High theatre department could surely use after Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara burned it down (remember that story line that had no consequences?). And that NYU scholarship could have been life changing for one of them and yet no one even brought  it up once this season. 

I did like the twist that it was EJ and his dad who got Mazzara into Caltech. He’d be a fool not to take it but I’m glad he confessed to Miss Jenn. She’s had a really rough season and I hope she redeems herself in S3.

Howie was acting so weird tonight and last ep that I have a hard time believing he was really so awed by Kourtney’s talent rather than feeling guilty for helping to steal the harness. The harness is another useless plot device; there are no consequences for Lily stealing it, she’s not caught, East High pulls off another version of the transformation off screen, and then East High withdraws from the Menkies anyways. Doubtless the harness will eventually come up to serve Rily angst. 

At least Lily was straightforward, I’ll give her that. She has such an odd way of speaking, almost child like. As awful as it is there is potential for a forbidden/secret romance story line with Rily. It really does not speak well to Ricky’s character that he’s so easily fallen for Lily’s act when he has no reason to trust her and she never apologized for making fun of Big Red during the auditions or making Ashlyn feel insecure during the dance off. 

The one way in which S2 was drastically better to S1 was in regards to the Seblos story line. Clearly Joe being bumped up to regular made a big difference. We got the first same-sex kiss between two boys and the first love song sung by one boy to another in Disney history and that is a legacy to be proud of. Of course, there was still some Disney censorship such as Carlos and Seblos being unable to use the word gay in the same ep that focused on Carlos singing In a Heartbeat to Seb. 

S1 of HSMTMTS had a clear direction, the wildcats would have to try and come together to stage High School Musical and Ricky and Nini would have to decide if they still had a future together while Gina and EJ had to work on being better versions of themselves. It was simple sure but it worked very well. There was a lot of heart but also a lot of humor and the show never took itself too seriously. What has S2 had? Beauty and the Beast was hardly the main focus of the cast or the writers and the central couple that S1 was built around is now broken up either for a long time or for good. There was a lot less of the meta moments that jokes that made S1 such a hit, for far too many eps this season the show took itself way too seriously. Hell even the lighting this season was darker than in S1. 

Olivia Rodrigo’s team had complained in a recent article that Olivia wouldn’t be able to potentially tour until fall 2022 due to her contractual commitments which is a sign that they think a S3 is very likely though I wonder how late S3 filming would have to start to keep her occupied until late 2022. There’s no confirmation of this but I thought it might be worth keeping an eye on; a post on r/hsmtmts by someone who claims to have a source working on production says that the plan is for S3 to be a summer theatre camp possibly with Camp Rock renditions and the plan for S4 is to jump 6 months ahead to the final semester of senior year and end with Ricky, Nini, Big Red, and Kourtney graduating from East High. They also say that part of the delay in the S3 announcement is a conflict between Tim and Disney executives. Tim wants to move production to LA and film on sets as it’s easier and cheaper while the Disney execs still want some on location shooting in Salt Lake. Again this is all unconfirmed but if it pans out it will represent a major shift in the series. 

Regardless if Tim wants the show to remain successful he needs start planning out what he wants to happen. He should not assume he’s getting more than 4 seasons. If the series gets a S3 but then is suddenly cancelled then how would he want all the main story lines to wrap up? And if they make it to S4 where does he see it ending? The graduation of the current juniors is a logical series ending point but if Tim wants to do something different he needs to start thinking of that now. I can’t say I’m excited anymore for S3 but I do really hope that Tim and his writers can turn things around and that will only happen if they recognize what they did wrong and learn from their mistakes. 

Until next season Wildcats

[disney-rapunzel-merida-vanellope]

How do you say you support bisexuals and then get mad when they get together with someone from different sex? Do you honestly believe bisexuals are just gays that would kiss the opposite sex? Cause it’s not?????

The loki fandom really said " I can excuse biphobia but I draw the line at selfcest"

[nightdarkminute]

I might make this a series, might not, we’ll see how much I actually end up having to say. But I’ve been mulling over just how much this damn line means to me and how much it has changed my life. Maybe someone else has had a similar experience. CW for discussions of homophobia and religious homophobia. Also fair warning, this will be very hostile toward Catholicism because I have had a series of traumatic experiences with the church, including but not limited to what is outlined here. 

I was raised Catholic in a conservative, homophobic environment where the most progressive thing I was ever told about queer people was the official Catholic stance to “hate the sin, love the sinner”, and this was not even discussed until I was about 13-14. By this time and due to other experiences, I was already questioning my faith, but this still rubbed me the wrong way. But because I was so young and due to compulsive heterosexuality, I assumed I was straight, and I was glad for it since that would be one less thing my friends, classmates, and family could hold against me. I was already regularly told off for being too liberal, for questioning religion, so at least I wouldn’t be rocking the boat in the sexuality department (spoiler alert: I was wrong).

I waited for the day I had my first crush on a boy. I went to dances (we were only allowed to go with dates of the opposite sex and all my friends were going so I sucked it up and went with boys), went on dates, was kissed, and felt nothing. I was silent at sleepovers when my friends talked about their crushes. I felt broken because I felt nothing. Two girls kissed in a supply closet my junior year and the whole school heard about it. In an environment like that, where your “friends” wrinkle their noses at the slightest mention of queerness, when you spend whole class periods watching videos about chaste gay Catholics who have chosen God instead of the life of sin that is taking a partner, how could I know anything BUT shame? 

How could I have been anything but ashamed when year after year I was pelted with the idea that starting a family, making love to your partner (in marriage of course), was the loveliest of callings, the pinnacle of glory in God’s creation, and know that I was barred from it? To know that should I fall in love and become intimate with anyone that it would be a sin as profane as if I had committed murder? They can tell me they love me all I want and that it is the sexual act, not the orientation, that is profane, but how can they expect me to believe that? How can I not feel shame at my sexuality when acting on heterosexuality can be holy but I can only commit sin? How can you tell me you love me and then condemn me to a life without the very thing you tell me is most important to have? How can I not be ashamed of who I am when my very being condemns me to Hell?

This is why I was so profoundly affected by Admiral Hennessey’s reaction in particular, and why I arguably loathe him more than Alfred Hamilton. He is willing to make excuses for James when he beats the shit out of other naval officers, which is an actual problem, but he draws the line at James having sex with another man. You can hear the disdain in his voice when he calls James’s “vice” profane. And I know exactly how it feels to be on the receiving end of such vitriol. I’ve been on the receiving end of it all my life. There are some circumstances (self-defense, just warfare, etc.) where it is doctrinally permissible to take someone’s life. I was taught about these circumstances. There is never a circumstance, or at least one that I was made aware of, that justifies me having sex with another woman.

Thankfully, I go to a very liberal college. I have very open-minded friends now, some of whom are queer themselves. And though I consumed queer media and openly supported LGBTQIA+ causes there, I never quite extended that same support to myself. There was always some slight disconnect, something that wasn’t quite right. Black Sails gave me the words to identify what the problem was, words written down on a blank page in Meditations. 

Know no shame. I had never seen the word shame used in this context. In the welcoming spaces I sought out, the messaging was pride, to be proud of who you are. I never quite understood, because until I saw those words on that page, I didn’t realize I was ashamed of myself. I didn’t realize how much shame was drilled into me until it became as much a part of me as language itself. I didn’t realize until I saw those words that even after I had long left behind my fears of Hell, going to Mass on Sundays, or even God himself, I still carried shame with me. Because when you are told who you are is something awful, that’s a really hard thing to shake off.

That’s why I can’t read those words without crying. Because they are the permission I didn’t even realize I needed to receive. The straight-to-the-point reminder I can repeat to myself even if people around me are saying otherwise. I still have a long way to go. I’m not out to my parents for fear of rejection, but for the first time I can be completely honest with myself, since I know why I wasn’t for the longest time.

[everyone-has-their-story]

Season 3 episode 5 commentary with my sister:

Remember when I said I knew what was going to happen? LOL to me and my emotions

No, dude go visit your mom!

You and Zoe both need better excuses than “I’m sick”

Sidenote...I am really loving this new location

No Jens, everything is not chill thanks for asking though

Robbe you don’t need weed! You need to talk

No one cares about the broerrrs right now

Noor and him fighting are the least of his problems

Thanks for finally being interested in his life Jens

I mean yeah she wants to have sex, but not really on his list of problems 

Sex is overrated? Is that because you have toothpaste? 

Please stop talking about this with him

Jens’ advice in a nutshell: Have sex, don’t have sex, its “eh”, but c’est la vie 

Incorrect, Jens. She likes him and he likes Sander. Thanks for playing though.

Fucking hell….you’re telling the wrong person you miss them! I don’t have time for this Robbe

Yeah thanks for your shitty advice, but I’m glad you’re being a friend

Oh no no no no!! I don’t like the looks of this at all

Also, what happened to firefighter Robbe from the vlogs? All these candles are a fire hazard

Actually this whole fucking situation is a hazard

Robbe stop! Abort!

*face palms*

I want to feel bad for her but I’m too focused on feeling bad for him

That is not the face of a guy who is enjoying this (robbe takes off her bra)

Wait...did it happen or not?

His face is making me feels level of sad I didn’t know existed

Thank fucking christ that didn’t happen

Oh she is so sweet, I feel bad for her

There will be no next time

Pause it! I know I joke a lot but the fact that he even felt the need to try this is making me so fucking sad…like he tries so hard to be who he isn’t and i hate that for him. And whoever this actor is, is playing the hell out of this character. Bravo my dude….okay play *sighs*

Sweet lord we are only 7 minutes in??

Milan, I know there are weird ass windows on the door but feel free to knock

Read the room, Milan! He is in turmoil, we don’t have time for your shirts!

Yes! Talk to him..thank you!

Hahahhaha Milan you might need more than 15 minutes

You can do it, Robbe. You need to get this out

Repeat after me..”I think I’m gay”  you can do it!

Robbe, my love, that kiss suggests that you are in fact into him

Milan is me, I am Milan, we are one

Why must people always mention Noor when he is trying to open up, can we just focus on Robbe?

Milan, give me your number I am looking for a therapist

This is everything Robbe needed to hear

You are normal! You’re just a little confused and sad right now

Scratch that, you aren’t just normal you are fucking phenomenal 

When Milan speaks, we all listen

*whispers* this scene is so good

Milan for President! Our president is garbage so the job is all yours

He IS looking better! Thanks for noticing, Jens. Look at you with your 20/20 vision

LOOOOL matchmaker? I hope no one is paying you because you suck at it

HE IS GOING TO TELL HIM! YESSSSS

Hey now ,“shitty” is a bit of an exaggeration

he’s going to do it!

NOOOOO don’t say “her”!!

His face..

Oh wtf!! He was trying to talk...AGAIN! Ughhhh

Robbe needs some sunscreen

Noor is back...cool?

Hopefully you ain’t gonna be “with him” much longer

This is an odd song choice for this atmosphere

Robbe out here making confetti while having an existential crisis and Noor is ordering soup 

You looked it up? Did it happen to say “possibly gay” under the list of causes?

Time for yourself? So no Sander?

Yeah this is definitely an odd song choice

Sorry, Noor...you’re sweet but he’s gotta go

Robbe pick up your damn trash!

She will in fact NOT be enjoying that (the soup😂)

I respect him for actually ending it

Wait where are we?

He doesn’t know his own school?

AHHH! Sander!

Omg I’m fucking dumb..it’s Sander’s school...I hate me

Me and Robbe have the same smile when we see Sander

Okay now is not the time for a bathroom break Robbe

Don’t worry about your hair, you look great as always

If looks could kill..

Okay I’m rooting for you Robbe, but I don’t blame him, you fucked up

Cool...that was fun...love seeing Robbe unhappy...my fave

*gasps* he’s back!!

5 minutes? Okay you got this

He’s got a point…

Don’t we all? Get in line (Says he loves him)

You damn right you fucked up

The kiss was mind blowing for everyone, trust me

Is that a small smile I see??

Yes, one more chance, I’m down with that

Ah!! Yeah fuck it (chernobyl)

Oh sweet baby Jesus thank god!!

This whole scene is just amazing, Robbe doing this out in the open? Love that for him

Robbe ain’t letting him go nowhere

No...forget the phon--- oh hell no! Not her!

She fucking better be in the past

Yes, future! Eternity, all of it

No don’t go, stay!

The smiles! My smile! Everyone gets a smile!

Pause it! I have never seen someone so relieved and happy. I feel like he is really starting to figure himself out, you know? I just love that that scene wasn’t over the top, it was simple but amazing. Are you listening to me? (yes) I have so many thoughts right now, please hold *rewatches the scene* okay you can proceed…

Chernobyl? Is this going to become their thing instead of universes? I’m down with that

HAPPY ROBBE FOR 2 SCENES!

Secrets, secrets are no fun..unless they are Robbe’s, then back off

Sooo whatcha get?? (Zoe’s letter)

Oh no, nvm don’t wanna know anymore...make it go away

The preppy psycho is back...fucking hell

AHHH! Sander is back!

The difference between him kissing Sander and him kissing Noor is like night and day

Y’all are fucking adorable

He drew that?? Remember when I liked Even’s drawings?...Sander said nah bitch here you go

I have a wall in my room if you want to paint it there, I’m down

Feeding Robbe? Sure. Feeding Britt? He said SIKE!

Romeo and Juliet..okay I see you wtfock

PAUSE! Omgggggg was he the photographer in like the first episode??? Well fuck me, I’m still dumb.*presses play*

I know I said I wanted happy Robbe, but I feel so overwhelmed right now

His voice is so soothing

Ooop okay so they are still doing the universe thing

Robbe can’t stop touching his hair and honestly...same

You Marvel loving gays

If my bf ever said this shit to me I’d smack him, but coming from them...I love every second of it

Great, sad Sander...why can’t we have nice things

Why are they so fucking great together??

Robbe, I love this new you (straddles Sander)

We ALL fell for you, Robbe

You’re damn right he is the one...lucky bastard

He WAS there!!! I love how I connect shit like 4 episodes later

Robbe initiating every kiss makes me so happy

Forget the text! 

Did he just kiss his shoulder?

SON OF A BITCH! Can this girl go away? jfc

Jealousy level 100

Kinda sus…

He loves jealous Robbe

My dude we are ALL happy you’re in this dimension, lets send Britt to a different one shall we?

Pause it! *rewinds to watch scene again*

He disappeared into the night…

How’d he know he was awake? He got a nanny-cam in that room?

You smooth little bitch Sander

He didn’t deny the bf comment, I’m so proud

Remember when I said I was proud of you? I take that back right now..

I hate it. Stop talking Robbe.

I stand by my statement: Milan for President

Cool….that was great….I’ve always wanted an upset Milan….

Robbe just got knocked down about 5 pegs and he deserved it

Senne..not the time my friend

Wait what?? Are they on a date??

Y’all are dorks..i fucking love it

There is so much to focus on right now..

If anyone wants to know what love looks like, I got a scene to show you

Okay Sander I see you...

*singing selena gomez song* can’t keep my hands to myself...I want you all to myself*

Seeing Robbe like this after the previous scene makes me torn 

Robbe like needs to be attached to Sander huh?

This is the best scene ever and I’m aware I’ve said that for about 100 other scenes

Robbe you’re adorable and confident, i love it

OH FUCK YOU!! Why do they do this to me?!

Buy me a ticket to Belgium, I gotta have a chat with some dickheads

Forget the bikes! Just leave!

WHY?! I can’t watch…

Is it over?

*big sigh* I honestly have no words…

This is going to have one of them pull away from the other isn’t it? Don’t answer that..I know it will...

I would just like to state that Robbe the king of internalized homophobia just made out with his boyfriend out in the open for everyone to see not once but twice

...I’ll be ready to process in like 15 minutes, I’m going to get more comfort food...

[fiction-in-my-blood]

MC Being Lesbian Fluff/Smut-ish (MWA7R)

I thought it’d be pretty funny to think of how stories would turn out if the MC was gay. So basically this is a shit post but heh heh let’s see how it goes.

Warning: Mature, Reference to sex, Mild language.

~~~~~~

After the company wide meeting appointing the new special executives, I make my way up to the CEO’s office to collect my reward. This is all pretty sus. I should have asked to sign later. I sighed to myself, dropping my face into my hands as I walked down the hall. 

“Hey, MC, nice work!” A female coworker I’m... close with laughs as she passing me and I sigh. She’s smirking, probably imagining me naked after all the times we’ve rolled around in each other’s bed after company parties. Luckily, she doesn’t work in my division, so we only see each other in the halls, but somehow she always finds me.

“Still available for later?” She pretends to hand me a file, drawing close so she can whisper in my ear. I blush, having completely forgotten about the meeting we organised. I don’t know how today will turn out after how crazy its already been.

“I’ll text you if my plans change.” I force a smile and this time she sighs. 

“So tense. You need to relax.” Her voice is low as she discreetly runs her fingers down my back and gives my ass a quick pinch. I squeak, not expecting it, and she laughs, continuing her voyage back to her office.

~~~~~~

My grandfather is- was the CEO of the company I work at and I have to marry a man? That’s all I got from what the now acting CEO, Hayami explained. I was distraught, embarrassed and confused. First of all, what asshole doesn’t introduce himself to his own granddaughter? Well, maybe I should be thankful for that, he could have disowned me too. Who’s to say he didn’t already know I was gay? Well, him insisting I marry a man would be a clue to his ignorance. 

“Um, there’s just one thing.” I laugh awkwardly as Seiichiro asks if any of us have any questions. Ren and Yamato aren’t here, so I don’t feel as embarrassed to come out to all these strikingly handsome men... Until they burst through the door... And agree to join the marriage program. I try to interrupt their conversation, but they seem too busy planning what to do with me to listen. Eventually, I get tired. 

“I’m not marrying anyone in this room!” I announce as loudly as possible and they all freeze, turning to me with varying degrees of amusement or annoyance. 

“You have to, you signed this contract.” Seiichiro smirked, pushing forward the evidence he’s already threatened me with. I cross my arms, wishing I was in a closet on the other side of the planet- excuse the pun. 

“I’m not marrying anyone because I’m not interested in men.” Trying my best to ignore my two childhood best friends standing either side of me, I blush, avoiding all the astonished looks that take over their faces. I didn’t realise I was only attracted to women until after they graduated, and I’m too awkward to just come out and say it, they never needed to know anyway. Arisa and Yumi know, mainly because they walked in on me and my lady friend making out on my desk late one night at the office, but no one else does.

“You’re gay? This is just perfect!” Asahi laughs, obviously amused by this development.

“MC... Why-?” Yamato frowns his brows at me but I give him the look. The look that says this really isn’t the time for him to be acting brotherly. 

“This is a predicament.” Seiichiro’s face screws up in contemplation, glaring at the document in his hands as he tries to think of what else to do. 

“Yeah, it’s a real shame... So I’m gonna go...” I lead off, already turning around o leave the room when I hit face-to-chest contact with someone who snuck up behind me. Blushing, I step back, only to see Hiroto smirking down at me. 

“I do like a woman who likes to experiment.” 

This time, I laugh. Mainly because I cannot believe he just said that. “You’re a pig.” I spit, pushing him to the side so I can make it out of this room with as much dignity as I came here with. God, I hated coming out. Why can’t it just be normal to be a homo.

~~~~~~

That night, I definitely called over my lady friend. An agreement of our working relationship is that we share no feelings, its just sex, but I’m so pent up with frustration I may have dominated a little more than I usually do. Which, thankfully, she doesn’t seem to mind.

Panting on the bed in my apartment, I gazing up at the ceiling, resting my head on her arm. 

“You... You really went there today.” Her breathing was just as ragged and, although her tone was light-hearted, I grew worried I had hurt or annoyed her. “No, its fine. I liked it. But, there’s something bothering you? After you won all that money, I would have thought you were buying me champagne.” She chuckles, sitting up once I did to gauge her expression and grabbing a shirt off the floor, not checking if it was hers or mine. 

“I didn’t win money.” I sighed, throwing my head back against my pillow as I spread my limbs as I far as I could. I needed a massage. I was still pissed by what the financial group’s executive said and how I was probably still going to get pushed into that situation. The bed dipped beside me as my sex friend rested her head on my chest. 

“You’re heart’s racing, but that might be because you just gave me the best orgasm I’ve ever had.” She jokes, worried but trying to keep the conversation light, and I huff a chuckle.

“I won a husband.” I didn’t mind telling her what happened today. We trusted each other with our secret and I knew she didn’t like gossip. But, I could tell my admission made her concerned when she lifted herself up on her arms and stared into my eyes. She was trying to see if their was a teasing glint in my eyes, but, alas, this was not a prank.

“Apparently, I’m the granddaughter of the late CEO and I need to marry one of the Special Executives unless the company folds. That contract I signed? A fucking marriage contract!” I growled, getting more annoyed by the second. I still hadn’t put any clothes on, the sheet draped over my lower half, but I was getting hot with anger. What kind of grandfather, not to mention CEO, makes that kind of deal?!

“That’s not legal.” Being a part of the company’s legal team, my bed buddy frowned her brows as I sat up, resting my head against the back board, keeping my gaze on the ceiling to try and stop my tears. I. Was. So. Annoyed. It took me a long time to admit to myself I liked... loved women and now I’m being pushed into a loveless marriage with a man!

“Of course it isn’t, but that’s not gonna stop Sanno’s right-hand man.” I said the title in a funny voice, which made my friend giggle, but I just sighed at my poor attempt of a joke. We’re silent for a moment, both of us in deep contemplation over the strange change of events. 

“Marry me.” She suddenly says and my gaze jerks to her. Her expression is serious, more than I’ve ever seen it, and I become increasingly aware that I am butt-ass naked. 

“Wh-What?” I blush. I’ll admit, I had more feelings for her than I should have. She’s funny, sweet and incredibly beautiful. Even though she pushes the line of what’s appropriate in the workplace, it’s light-hearted. I’ve never had a bad time with her. Not to mention how good a cook she is. How unbelievably smart. We’ve been at this for months. 6 whole months since we hooked up at the office Christmas party. But, we’ve never gone on a date. I’ve never met any of her friends, and the only time she’s met mine is when we were half naked, grinding on each other in my apartment, and they ran out seconds after they walked in. 

“Come on, MC, we both know we have a greater connection than just in the bedroom. I... I’ve loved you for a long time now, I was so scared to say it, but if we say you’re already engaged, they won’t be able to push you into anything.” She cups my cheek in her hand, her eyes growing dewy and almost childlike. I feel my own eyes grow with tears. 

“B-But that means you’ll have to come out. What about your job? If anyone knew you were gay, won’t they look down on you?” I frowned my brows, not wanting her to ruin her life for me. Although, my heart fluttered with each word she spoke. 

“My team knows, they have no problem with it. And they can’t fire me, its against the law. We’re in separate divisions, so we won’t get in trouble. I’m not scared if I’ve got you to back me.” Her gaze nervously drops for a moment, but the seriousness within them returns two-fold when we make eye contact again. I feel my face blush darkly and I gulp to try and wet my throat enough to speak without a shaky voice. “So, will you marry me?” 

“Y-Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you!” I start off quiet, but its difficult to hold in my excitement as I jump onto her, pushing my lips so fiercely against hers I would have worried I’d chip a tooth, but I was too happy. I feel vibrations of her chuckle as I clamber on top of her, my body alight with desire once again, even after the hours we went at it only moments ago. 

“You giving me newly-wed sex, now?” She sighed in pleasure as I practically ripped the top off her, hungrily kissing her neck. 

“I’m giving you everything.” I lean up to whisper in her ear before dipping down again. What followed were hours longer of exercise and love making, which I was definitely happy to have for the rest of my life. 

~~~~~~

“You’re already engaged?” Seiichiro didn’t look very impressed as I stood in front of his desk, a broad smile on my face. It was still a little embarrassing to say and, seeing as I had neither a ring on my finger or my partner beside me, it was hard to prove .Not to mention how exhausted I was when we kept each other up until morning, but I paid that no mind.

“And who is this partner of your’s? A woman, perhaps?” Likely not believing my excuse after walking out of the meeting yesterday, the acting CEO raised an eyebrow at me. 

Then, a knock came to the door and my heart fluttered. “You might want to answer that.” My smile grew and he frowned his brows, instructing the person to enter. 

There stood my beautiful bride-to-be, dressed in her sexy pant suit with a whole stack of sexy legal files tucked under her sexy arm. I might be a little biased.  She was going to help me get out of the contract. When our eyes met, my heart raced, making my face blush. She stepped forward, introducing herself as an employee of the company before bowing to our boss’s boss’s boss. 

“I would like to know how you thought you’d get away with forcing my fiancee to sign that marriage contract of your’s?” She smirked, Seiichiro’s expression faltering and my heart exploding at the word. Fiancee. Wow, I’ve never heard it sound so good. 

“You- And you- You’re-?” Seiichiro couldn’t wrap his small pee-brain around the idea and we both tried to stifle a laugh at the bewildered look on his normally stoic face. 

“Would you like me to prove it?” My fiancee- oh god I’ll never not get excited at saying that- wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to her. Using all my self control not to jump on her right here and now, I mockingly slapped her arm, telling her how unprofessional this was. 

Before, however, she could release me, the doors the office opened once again.

“Sei, have you solved the-?” As we turn around, my soon-to-be-wife’s arms still wrapped around my waist, I see several of the men competing for my hand freeze the second they observe this scene. I blush, still as horrifically embarrassed by PDAs as I was before, but my girlfriend seems very amused, noted but the jump in her chest as she chuckles.

“You shouldn’t be looking at other marriage candidates when I’m around.” She whispered in my ear, guiding my gaze back to her with the pinch on my chin. I blush, mustering my courage to say what I want to say in front of all these eyes. 

“There’s no others.” I mumble before crashing my lips into her’s. We’re heatedly seeking each other for a moment, my fiancee maybe feeling a little possessive with her hand bunching my hair to pull me closer. Luckily, I have the wherewithal to pull back, although my breathing is a little ragged and my face is bright red as I smile sheepishly at her. 

“I think you’ll find all these documents prove intent and evidence of your crime. Oh, and if you think of firing me, I have a contract with the company that allows me to sue for wrongful termination. We’ll have a meeting at the end of the week to go over a consolidation arrangement for causing emotion harm to my fiancee. Good day, Mr Hayami.” My fiancee smiles as she hands over the papers she walked in here with and bows.

“I’ll see you at lunch.” She leans into my ear but speaks loud enough for the other’s to just about hear as she pinches my butt again, leaving with almost a skip in her step. 

“That was a lawyer from HR?” Hiroto loudly exclaimed once the door shut and probably the woman I’ve ever loved most is no longer here. I’m almost caught in a daze remembering how strong she just acted to save me. 

“Why am I not surprised you knew that?” Junta sighs, obviously not happy with this turn in events as I shake the sinful thoughts out of my head. God, I love her. 

Turning back to Seiichiro, who’s leisurely sifting through the files my fiancee gave him, I watch the scowl etched in his face cut deeper. He sighs, mutters something under his breath, and pulls what I’m sure is my marriage contract out of his top desk drawer. “You can marry anyone you please, it won’t impede the soundness of the company or pile a mountain of debt over you.” I can hear him crying internally at being bested as he tears the contract in two.

“Thank you, sir! I’m very grateful!” I bow lowly, too overjoyed to notice how ticked off most of the men in the room are. 

After that day, I’m very open with my relationship. Yamato and Ren warm to my fiancee very well, although it seems like a purely professional relationship. Yumi and Arisa, mainly Arisa, are more than happy to help me plan the wedding- seeing as they’ll be a big part in it- and we have a small destination wedding thanks to my inheritance money. I’m more than happy, I don’t know a word to describe it. Our careers are going well and neither of us want kids just yet, but in time. I’m just so happy I could marry the person I love being the real me.

~~~~~~

This turned out way cuter than I expected it to, but I am SO here for it lol. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

[millennial-ring]

Can we get more on the three P's? Pain, Pride, and Pure?

           17. PAIN

So this is actually the document where I saved the RP where Bakura came back to find Malik engaged to Seto, aptly named “PAIN” because it’s...fairly angsty. Me and this friend used to RP on Skype, making new group chats with side accounts before deleting them and leaving the two of us (which is so unnecessarily inconvenient lol but it’s what we had to do so we could rp multiple things at a time/not lose the rp in our regular group) and whenever we finished or got bored of an RP one of us would sit down, scroll all the way to the top, and copy and paste the entire thing into a word doc for re-readability. We rp’d it for well over a year, if not longer, so there’s no way to really reread it and condense it into a summary because sooo much happens. I guess highlights that I remember (or at least thing I remember fgjkdjh? we started this rp in 2016)

Bakura gives Malik a necklace he made himself (instead of a ring) before they part ways and Malik ofc keeps wearing it even after Bakura comes back and screams at them. There’s one scene early into the power relationship (when Malik still considers them fuck buddies) where Malik jumps into bed with Ryou, shoves his phone into his face, and starts screaming about Seto’s “you’re adorable” reply to a no-make up, bedhead selfie Malik had sent (bc how dare Seto be cute and do romantic things like that and kiss Malik’s hand and feed Malik chocolate covered strawberries before sex and buy him jewelry when they’re just fucking!) and Ryou’s just like “oh my fucking god just date him already gtfo my room I want to sleep.” Uhm... Malik and Seto are in the middle of wedding planning (visiting Isis and Rishid in Egypt at the time) when Bakura comes back, but they’re talking about a spring wedding in one of the parks/gardens in Seto’s neighborhood and Seto makes a comment about having the ceremony under the wisteria tree because he wants to see wisteria blossoms in Malik’s hair. Malik imagines brushing stray petals from Seto’s hair as they lean in for the kiss that will bind them for life - and then ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Bakura passes out after using all his energy to scream at Malik (bc he JUST returned from the shadows, having had to go through multiple trials and actually give up some of his memories to be able to return) and they put him in the guest bedroom while Malik calls Ryou for help. While they wait for Ryou, Bakura wakes up and crawls out the window and runs away LOL. Uhm... Malik has a fluffy white therapy cat, ykno one of those grumpy looking smoosh faced ones, named Bakura. At some point while they’re still in Egypt Ryou takes Bakura to Kul Elna, where there’s a monument/memorial to the people that died in the massacre, and a very close knit community. Ryou takes Bakura to a community garden run by a pregnant woman named Adela who also owns a restaurant there - the food grown by the locals is used in the restaurant and iirc there was also some kind of donations thing going on where struggling families could come and take whatever they needed provided they bring back seeds or the scraps for compost or help a bit in the garden or something like that. I don’t think we ever made it explicit but we were pretty much implying that Adela was Bakura’s Actual Mom reincarnated. I think Bakura was also around for the birth, but I can’t remember much of it aside from him holding the baby. But the modern Kul Elna village actually practiced a lot of the old traditions and Bakura’s like “whoa... fuck it I might move here”. Uuuhh Bakura tells Ryou how every family in Kul Elna had a special “tzai” (tea) recipe and it could only be shared with people close to said family...before he makes some for Ryou. I think my friend got this from Star Wars? But I like it and we’ve included it in basically all our rps since. Uhm~ At one point Bakura kisses Malik and Malik slaps him and that’s how Bakura knows It’s Really Over. Malik and Seto play rock paper scissors to decide who bottoms every now and then, but it’s moreso a way to say “I want to bottom tonight but for some reason my pride keeps me from saying it outright” (dear 2016 us: bottoming is not shameful!) but also we never rp’d it, it was part of a time skip, but Malik and Seto had a threesome with Ryou and Ryou ate Seto’s ass. That’s all. We had Atem coming back and I remember he wanted to try and smooth things over but whenever Bakura saw him he had a panic attack. Uhm...that’s all for now lol, I can’t really remember much else.

             18. pride

Unfortunately, again, this is not a document about prideshipping. Every so often I get emotional and I start writing emotional things that I think I’ll post to Facebook, but then I either chicken out because I don’t want to be known or perceived. Let people continue to think I’m a hyperactive halfwit and have no deeper meaning to my thoughts. It’s chill. 

But this one was about the concept of LGBT Pride and how I felt about it, how startled I am sometimes when I run across support and acceptance in unconventional or unexpected places, how I worked hard to be comfortable enough to make the “because I’m gay” jokes out loud because growing up in a rural Kansas town I was exposed to my fair share of homophobia, both from family and from community, and even the people I called friends. It was gonna be one of those “wow I love my friends and family because now that I’ve weeded out the assholes I’m surrounded by love and support and this is exactly how much it means to me and why!” kinda posts, but I’m really bad at those, so this stayed in my WIPs. Maybe when Pride month rolls around again and I get nostalgic and emotional again I’ll finish it.

             19. pure

This one’s a “fic” written about mine and my friend’s OCs from an old superhero/supervillain RP group. My character, Zaine, was separated from his girlfriend, Tansy, during a battle with heroes that killed a lot of supers and civilians alike. They were reunited after a few years (both had assumed the other had died and somehow hadn’t run into each other at all asdkja, it was our excuse as to why the characters had changed so much (since we were coming back to rp these characters after a few years ourselves, and wanted to revamp them a bit without them losing their relationships or experiences). But in that time, Zaine became better friends with his buddy Forest, and before the gal who made Tansy rejoined the group, me and the guy who made Forest were debating if Zaine and Forest should get together. But Tansy came back and Zaine got back together with her, but I made it canon that Zaine was crushing on Forest prior to that/still a bit after Tansy came back. Zaine is in a band and it’s sort of a running joke that his band members are all betting how long it takes for a threesome or for Tansy (who’s a bit possessive) to attack Forest, and they constantly tease Zaine about how much time he spends with Forest, make “hey don’t fuel the shippers” jokes, some other stuff along those lines, etc. It’s all good natured tho.

Anyway that’s all canon. The fic was “pureshipping” - Zaine, Tansy, and Forest. It was kinda me exploring how a relationship might develop between the three of them and I was writing little bits for my friends at work based on the answers they gave me to the “How would they react to/feel about this” questions I asked before turning that into a proper story. 

It started with Tansy trying to remember when exactly she became open to the idea of polyamory, since as I said, she’s a bit possessive and got jealous easily. She recalls a night Zaine brings Forest back to their apartment after a bachelor party, with them plastered and barely able to stand. They fall down, and Zaine shushes Forest because Tansy has her laptop out and she’s working. Forest shushes Zaine back, they put their fingers against each other’s lips and keep shushing each other, drawing closer until the only thing separating their mouths are their fingers, and Tansy’s just like “whoa” and something clicks because A) she sees Zaine’s lids lower while looking at Forest the way they do when he wants to kiss HER and B) why is she not freaking out about this isn’t she a poisonous little viper that hisses at anyone that tries to flirt with Zaine? But nope, she’s never been jealous of Forest even if his and Zaine’s relationship is fairly intimate for what most consider friendship. And then a few days later she sees one of those memes that’s like “Zaine has two hands” (bc Forest is also a famous musician, and he and Zaine do a lot together, both professionally on the music front and in like. Idk, livestreams and general hanging out. so ofc weirdos ship them, and since Zaine and Tansy went public there’s gonna be ppl that include her in the weirdness) on a TVD fan page she follows so she understands some of Zaine’s inside jokes and she sees a comment from Zaine’s official facebook that’s like “these hands were made for holding!” 

and Tansy’s like. “Oh shit. Zaine DOES have two hands!” so a few days later over breakfast she asks Zaine how he REALLY feels about Forest and ofc he’s like “he’s my best friend???” and Tansy’s like “ok but no for real how do you REALLY feel about him” and then calls him out about about having a crush on him and Zaine, who’s canonically weirdly monogamous is like “no!!” but Tansy whittles him down until he admits he “HAD” a crush on Forest before he and Tansy reconnected, but swears nothing happened between them and Tansy’s like “WOULD YOU LIKE TO?” and brings up the idea of Zaine dating Forest, and Zaine’s like “I’m with you, Tans, I didn’t mean to make you feel inadequate” and she’s like “I appreciate it but not what I meant. I know you, Zaine, I know you’re a lover and not being able to tell Forest how you really feel is hurting you, so if you want to then I highly encourage you ask him out” and after like 2 whole days of debating Zaine comes back to her saying he was going to, and then a few days later they invite Forest over to have The Talk and Tansy says they’re free to date, but Forest is still mourning Kelvin, his fiancé that “died” ((in quotes bc these aren’t our characters to actually kill so all characters are just assumed dead if the roleplayer didn’t rejoin but ofc if they came back “hey surprise i’m alive!) in the war between heroes and villains and says he needs time to think about it. He thinks it over for two whole weeks -and in the meantime, Tansy is happy to see his and Zaine’s relationship hasn’t changed at all- before agreeing. They sit down to discuss boundaries and permissions and whatever, and this line: 

Tansy would never dream of forbidding them from doing anything that she and Zaine would do, especially because Zaine was a lover. He loved with all his heart, soul, and body, as if his purpose in life was to treasure his partners so thoroughly they would never question his feelings for them. It would be unfair to Forest and downright cruel to Zaine for Tansy to restrict them.

aaaa I know I wrote it but I love it. So after boundaries are discussed and all that Zaine and Forest have their first proper kiss, and it’s so sweet Tansy feels breathless alongside them. The three of them cuddle up to watch a movie but Zaine’s paying more attention to the two of them, taking turns kissing each of them while Tansy and Forest accidentally start competing for who can pull the most reactions from Zaine. Forest starts spending every weekend at Zaine and Tansy’s place and it always ends with them cuddling on the couch while watching movies, Zaine between them, but overtime Forest and Tansy become more affectionate with each other and end game was obviously the three of them, but I stopped writing it just after Forest spent the first night in bed with them.

Tansy smiled and looped her arm around Zaine, cuddling up to his side like a cat seeking attention. Zaine’s own arm found its way around her shoulders to keep her close. The last thing Tansy saw before her eyes dropped closed was Forest on the other side of Zaine mirroring her, and the last touch she registered was Forest’s hand brushing over her arm.

[butchlilith]

writing meme part 1: synchronicity

this is the first round of some commentary i’m giving on stuff i’ve written! if you’d like to send in parts you’d like me to discuss, i would be indescribably thrilled. check out this post if you’re wondering what’s going on or this post if you’ve somehow escaped my bullying everyone into reading this fic. all of these were suggested by the delightful @ladynoblesong to whom i owe my life

under the cut learn all about...

daphne wearing niles’s clothes

mel’s introduction

lilith’s invitation

daphne wearing niles’s clothes

Daphne tucks in her shirt (your shirt, that is, but this conjures up all sorts of images of domesticity more shameful than sex), and grins back at you. Her lipstick has accidentally adorned the collar, and your mind flickers only briefly to Maris before Daphne’s voice draws you back to her. “There we are,” she says, impossibly pleased. Then, slipping suspenders over her shoulders, she walks to your mirror. Immediately, her wide eyes go bright, and she reaches for your arm, pulling you beside her.

“Don’t we look dapper?” she asks.

You know precisely what you look like, what you’re sure to look like to everyone who sees you together, and some part of her must know too, but dapper is hardly it. All the same, Daphne is electrified every time she catches the two of you reflected in a window.

Though it surely says more about you than her, you realize later that no one’s ever been so proud to be seen with you in your life. If this thing were real, you would have to stop seeing her because of it.

For once, you feel relieved that you could never be together.

Not that it was ever anything more than a fantasy; Maris, after all, is all you have ever known, all you could ever want.

sdfghjkl you really picked a scene here. it’s a charming combination of “wish fulfillment” and “therapy session material,” which… is honestly very reflective of this fic. so… yeah. i guess we’ll just start with the parenthetical, because it’s a solid dozen suitcases worth of unpacking to do. borne from my wanting to say “your shirt” to highlight that it is not her own but realizing that this would suggest her tucking in a shirt that is on another person’s body i was like, “let’s get into this.” because i have never let a single thing go ever in my life. & it ended up being something of an important detail imo, that this is the way niles approaches sex and love? i think it’s relatively similar to canon niles but presumably with different cause. in this case the cause would be, you know, living in a culture that does not provide too many models of what it is to love a woman and be in a healthy relationship with one as a woman yourself? so it’s much easier to say, “i’m happy having this non-relationship of a relationship” or “i’m only interested in sex with this woman” or whatever because what else do you have to go by? and that’s also sort of what i’m going for with the last line in this excerpt. so. we’ll move on, then.

i think even for women who don’t have a particular relationship with gender that can sometimes manifest as butchness etc. there’s still something very powerful in being something other than the woman you’re meant to and in seeing models of other women doing the same. i wanted daphne to have a moment like that. also… it’s hot. also hot: lipstick on button-ups. these last two are just objective facts more than analysis but it was what was going through my head at the time of writing.

but niles’s feelings in response to daphne’s excitement. well. that’s a moment and a half right there. i can’t fully remember my thought process—i think i might have thought of the situation while unable to write it down, so it was already a bit diluted once it got to the page. basically, though, it’s just that realization that she has largely (as a lesbian, as a butch woman) felt ignored at best, and that to be in a relationship with the first person who did recognize her and want to be recognized with her as herself would have… some layers to it that are not entirely… the healthiest. so that’s one of my many excuses for why this iteration of niles and daphne cannot get together for another six or seven years: they both needed to grow as people! because this is from niles’s pov we mostly get niles’s end of that but we see as well daphne kind of dealing with stuff as well even if it’s more obscured by niles’s lust/10000 other emotions.

on a lighter note, a fun fact for you: i hate the word dapper! but i thought daphne would use it in this context so i wrote it and i hated it every step of the way. i’m allowed to say this because as a certified stuffy butch i have an unfortunate degree of intimacy with the word.

mel’s introduction

You take the rest of your queries regarding your lingering financial ties to Maris to their sources.

The first, her surgeon, is fastidious and beautiful, and her airy voice informs you of four things as you call to schedule a third appointment with her. First, that she would not have expected a woman like you to have such an affinity for her line of work. Second, that she has never met a pair of friends that exchanged cosmetic procedures in the tens of thousands for the holidays. Third, that she is gay, too. (She does say, “too,” with her laugh floating through your cell phone smooth and half-threatening.) But, fourth, perhaps frightening you the most, she tells you that she wouldn’t mind if you took her to dinner sometime.

“You know,” you say, with a just-there laugh, “I’ve been meaning to ask you that very question.”

Frasier, of course, is aghast at each word of your account, but you have, by the end of it, obtained symphony tickets and a somewhat backhanded compliment on your uncharacteristic boldness. You take the opportunity to comment on his substandard squash performance, then fly out the door before he can return the blow with his usual ineptitude.

God, if he knew he was responsible for the best night you’ve had in years. The moment Mel leaves your car, you long to spend hours recounting what a wonderful night you had had. The strange thing is that you long to tell Daphne, long to tell her that you know, now, what she had meant when she told you that she loved first dates, that Mel is exactly like you, and impossibly beautiful and—

ooohh boy. the first sentence-and-a-half of this are probably among the last i wrote for this fic. i very seldom write things in the order they appear, so i always end up with the task of pasting these scenes together in a way that doesn’t seem entirely ridiculous. i think this is especially obvious with this and the preceding scene, which i wanted to happen in the opposite order before i remembered that, hm, canon does technically exist and i should maybe follow the barest outline of how that proceeds. but it worked out because i was able to pretend like there was an explanation for niles having a divorce lawyer without ever having been married.

but. that aside. i think we all know by this point that i love first dates. i love asking people on first dates and going on first dates and telling my friends about first dates and all of it. and basically i wanted to show that feeling as well as niles’s relationship with daphne as a friendship for both of them, not just daphne.

so on that first item! i wanted to preserve niles’s cowardice, obviously, but because she doesn’t have quite the same relationship with frasier as canon niles, there wasn’t really anyone to say “you realize this is exactly the reason you’re not with daphne now, right?” so i had mel take some (or… all) of the responsibility there, but i didn’t really feel mel was the sort to frame it as a question and certainly not the sort to let personal details about herself into the world without their recipient knowing that she knows even more of them. i mean, she literally doesn’t even present it as something she wants so much as something she knows niles does dfghjkl. and honestly? it’s hot. sorry but i’m right. if you’ve never been asked out by a woman in the form of a statement i need you to know that it is the hottest experience on earth. anyway. i just really don’t care for love stories that center on jealousy or the singularity of love. i’m not saying every good first date is love, but i wanted to show that there was genuine excitement here that could lead to love. i know mel is maybe not the most lovable character in the frasier universe, but i do feel like she truly cared for niles and niles for her.

with regard to the last line, that way daphne cuts off niles is something i do a couple times as well, which i wish i’d maybe explored a little bit more. it’s mostly leading up to daphne’s cutting her off with the kiss as in canon during that balcony scene, but i think it appears afterward as well. it often shows up when niles is overthinking, and, especially as we progress, it’s when daphne doesn’t want to think about what niles is thinking about. this particular line isn’t quite at the peak of that, but it would be a fair interpretation if you wish to believe she (consciously or not) wished to avoid hearing about niles’s infatuation with mel. you might even be able to make an argument for the other cases of interruption being similarly motivated (though this may prove most difficult with the moon dance instance), but my intention was for it to reach its peak toward the end of the pining stage and into the beginning of their relationship, iirc.

honestly, there’s more i could comment on in this scene, but i don’t know that it would be particularly interesting, and i’ve rambled enough, so i’ll leave it here!

lilith’s invitation

Lilith calls you that evening offering any help you need should you feel any sudden fondness for the state of Massachusetts. “And, Daphne,” she says, though you can scarcely remember when they last spoke, “if you’re looking for a rat breeder, there’s an excellent couple just north of the city. I’d be glad to introduce them to you.”

Somehow, the two of you accept both offers immediately.

this is part two of the payoff for the wish-fulfillment tidbit in the niles/frasier banter we get earlier on that reveals lilith is a huge dyke, the first part being when niles and lilith have sex. i just feel like the amount that lilith truly cares for her family is underutilized in the frasier canon and i think that would be amplified in a familial gay solidarity situation. also i just really want them all to be friends! i’ve already said that this was wish fulfillment and i won’t hide from that truth.

wrt why i wanted them to accept these offers, i a) feel that, even though obviously we as gay people have been getting married long before there was actual legal recognition of the fact, all three of these people (albeit in different ways) do value that system and that recognition imo b) am FOREVER bitter that daphne’s interests are just kind of… tossed aside in canon as being too weird or unrefined, when they’re really cool (or just… normal!) things? and because i think i hopefully provided a little more evidence of niles and daphne making efforts toward understanding over placation, i think niles would be in a place to say, “let’s do it!” even if she is… moderately horrified at first. so yeah. this response did kind of become “why i think i’m better than late-season frasier writers” but… yeah. i was just having fun and writing what i would want to see.

[christinaroseandrews]

Part 5

*Crawls out of her weekend writing binge* What do you mean I haven’t finished with this yet?  *Cries* 

This is the last actual post where I sum up the most egregious offenses Faleena Hopkins committed, and then there will be a masterpost linking to all of the posts related to this travesty of a book.

There are a lot of little things that went wrong. Things that would have dropped stars on their own, but nothing I haven’t seen a million times before. Things like bad proofreading, weak heroes and heroines, bad sex scenes, lack of research. Ultimately if those had been the only problems with this book, it would have been rated two or three stars. Mediocre and unmemorable.  Not throw the book across the room worthy. 

This book is.

I’m still angry at it.

And that’s a problem.

So what are the things that on their own make this a one star?

For starters: Sean.

“Wait!” I hear you say, “But you liked Sean. He was your favorite character.” And he was. I’m not about to deny that, but the problem with Sean is several-fold.

His story arc of coming out to his family wasn’t relevant and is part of what made this book Not A Romance.

His POV wasn’t needed and again is part of what made this book Not A Romance.

His being gay was not handled well and featured some very hurtful stereotypes.

Once he was out in the book, his entire character changed. And he became sex-obsessed and attention-whoring. Gone was the empathetic generous man. He became Jack... only Gay. And we all know my feelings about Jack.

I’ll cover points one and two later when I get to the part about how this book wasn’t a romance. 

I wish Sean had been openly gay from the start. Not because we needed another hurtful stereotype of the “Sassy Gay Friend” which BTW we totally got. But because it would have been better than what we did have.  Which to refresh your memory, is this:

So why is this so wrong? Because it contains the following harmful implications:

Queer people must be either completely celibate or...

Queer people must fuck everything that lives.

Never being in love at the ripe old age of 23 is a problem.

Being a virgin at that same age is a problem.

Celibacy is unnatural and wrong.

The first is a huge problem. Currently in the Mormon community, this is the official stance. LBGT+ people must either choose to live a heterosexual life or be completely celibate... no kissing, hugging, or touching of anyone of the same sex. This is leading to a huge rise in Mormon LBGT+ youth in Utah committing suicide because they feel that their families and community won’t love and accept them. There was a whole documentary about it recently on HBO called “Believer.”

The second is a problem because it reinforces the stereotype that all homosexuals are raging sex fiends and unable to be in long term relationships. Or form long term bonds.  It’s one of the excuses used by adoption agencies when denying same-sex couples. And worse, it’s why those in the LBGT+ community were blamed for contracting HIV/AIDS and it was seen as divine retribution for the disease, which can affect anyone.

The third is an issue, because it unreasonably puts pressure on young people to hurry up and find love. Love, real love, not infatuation, can happen at any time. That’s part of how love works. I have friends who didn’t find their first love until they were in their thirties or forties. While I know others who found their someone when they were children (a friend met their now spouse when they were in nursery school - they grew up as friends and eventually fell in love). People should be allowed to look for love at their own pace and when they are ready. Not by some arbitrary due date.

The fourth is a huge issue because of the implication that virginity, especially male virginity, is a problem. This thought is one of many that leads to toxic masculinity and the culture where men are predators and women victims. It leads to young men and boys shooting up their schools and workplaces because they were rejected by a woman and couldn’t deal with the repercussions. This thought, that male virginity is bad, is deadly. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. There is nothing wrong with waiting until you’re ready to have sex. You don’t owe any partner anything. You don’t owe society anything. Male virgins can be awesome lovers.  I know. I’ve had two myself.

Finally, there is nothing wrong with celibacy. No one owes you sex. If someone doesn’t want to have sex, then they don’t have to. There are even some people out there who find the whole concept of sex off-putting and there is nothing wrong with that. There are victims of abuse who find sex triggering.  Celibacy can be a choice. And if if people are “involuntarily celibate” there is always something called masturbation, and in some places prostitution is legal. No one owes you sex, even if you want it. Period.

It’s really that easy.

The second reason this book would get one star is what is essentially plot-whiplash coupled with an unsatisfying ending. The antagonist doesn’t get his comeuppance and doesn’t actually apologize for what he did. In fact, Jack gets off scot-free because of plot whiplash.

There’s an art to telling a good story. You need to have a good hook early. The longer the story, the more concurrent plots you need juggle. And you need to have a good sense of pacing. Draw things out too long, and your readers will lose interest. Wrap things up too quickly and you leave your audience reeling.  Faleena Hopkins manages to do both. 

She drags out plots that have no reason being strung along for as long as they are. Things like Rue’s parentage.  You told us this in the summary, why does it take you over 6 chapters to get to it in the book?  Or Sean’s sexuality - which really shouldn’t have been central to the overall plot of the book yet somehow took it over (when it’s the last line of the book, that means that is also the core plot, FYI endings matter).

But for the most part, Hopkins suffers from plot-whiplash. AKA moving from plot to plot so fast that your head goes back and forth like you’re at a tennis match.

Seriously, the whole novel takes place in less than a week. It took me going back and making a timeline to realize that no really the whole thing takes place that quickly.

The problem with doing things too quickly is that you don’t give the audience time to process what happened. Crucial details get left out. Continuity gets ignored. The whole thing feels rushed. It’s like the author is afraid that if they doesn’t resolve the subplot or conflict quickly they’ll lose readers.

But here’s the thing. Readers don’t want instant happy endings. They want the happy ending to be earned. And that is true in romance as it is in other genres. If, for instance, Poirot immediately solved the Murder on the Orient Express, the story wouldn’t be nearly as iconic. 

You’d feel cheated.

As Hitchcock said - "There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it."

The same is true in romance. Or any story. It’s the journey that’s important, not the destination. 

Which is why I got so angry when I reached the end. Jack hadn’t gotten a valid redemption arc and he’s still the same awful person that he was at the beginning of the novel. Sean actually got worse and his story ended up overshadowing what was ostensibly the more important of the plots (give him his own book, don’t shoehorn it into what is supposed to be a het romance). The Romance wasn’t really resolved in a positive manner.  And the answer to the overarching plot -- will success ruin Rue Calliwell? - was an overwhelming yes. It may be realistic.... but it’s not satisfying.

The third and biggest reason why this book is deserving of a one-star (I’d give no stars if possible) is because it isn’t a Romance, yet it bills itself as such. I know there’s a lot of problem with Authors miscategorizing their works in order to get that elusive “Bestseller” tag. But this isn’t that.  This is the author falling into the pitfall of “Trying to change romance” and ending up not being a romance at all.

Interestingly, Hopkins does miscategorize her book... but in a weird way.

Her book is not an inspirational romance. That category is reserved for “wholesome, faith-filled stories that enrich the lives of readers” - that definition is straight from Harlequin. That means no sex. No swearing. And lots of references to religion (it can be any religion but Christianity is most likely).  This is why there are a lot of reviews angry about the sex and the language.

So how did I come to the conclusion that this wasn’t a romance?

To make sure we’re all on the same page, here’s RWA’s definition of Romance.

1. The over-arching plot.

The plot of the story is pretty much spelled out in the summary. “How will fame and fortune change Rue Calliwell as well as how will she handle finding out about the family she never knew she had?”

The romance is secondary. It’s part of how she handles fame, fortune, and her family. Her brother puts his best friend up to seducing her (amusingly I wrote a fanfic with this EXACT plot 14 years ago). The brother is testing his new sibling. The fact that his BFF and sister fall in lust is a side-effect. Not the main plot.

In order for this to be a romance, the characters falling in love and making the relationship work has to be the main focus. And in this book, it just isn’t.

2. The Points of View.

The book is 52 chapters long. Jack, the antagonist brother, has 8 POV chapters. Sean, the sympathetic brother, has 7 POV chapters. Alec, the love interest, has 7 POV chapters. While the rest are in Rue’s POV.   What does that indicate?

Well, that the author considered the brothers equally or more important than the love interest. We don’t even meet Alec until page 60-something out of 300 pages. That’s waaaaaay too long for a romance novel.  The love interest needs to be introduced quickly. Not a fifth of the way through the book.

3. The “I Love You’s”

You know there’s something wrong with a romance novel when the heroine says “I love you” to all of the other main characters other than love interest. Rue says “I love you” to Jenna. To Sean. To Jack. But not to Alec. Nor does he say it to her. 

4. No actual relationship.

The story between Alec and Rue is a pure Lust and Erotica story. It’s a story of obsession. Of possession. The characters don’t talk. They don’t date. They just engage in tonsil hockey and longing looks.

And the way it’s written is about as sexy as that gif.

The thing is, there is a relationship story in this book. But it’s between Rue and her brothers. In fact, everything with Alec can be seen as supporting that story, not the other way around.

5. The ending.

Again the ending needs to be emotionally satisfying and optimistic. To her credit, she kind of gets the optimistic. Rue and Alec are going to try to make things work on a long term basis and he’s going to go public about liking her.

Sounds good, right?

Except that’s not the actual ending of the book. The ending of the book focuses on the siblings and nothing is resolved there. I was left going “is that it?”

I wasn’t satisfied. I wasn’t happy.

I was angry.

Each of those things would make this book ranked one star.  (So would the fact that stalking is portrayed as romantic, but I’ve gone into that before so I don’t need to go into it here.)

So it should come as no surprise that this book gets:

One star

You can read the hot mess for FREE here.

If you’re enjoying these reviews, you can buy us a kofi.

[thestarsdescend]

Dealing with #problematic things

In today’s social and political climate, there are increasing conversations about ethics and criticism. I am by far not the first person to ask: is it okay to like this thing even though the creator or the process of creating it can be or is offensive or exploitative? In some cases, it is nearly impossible to avoid. Many clothing companies outsource their labor in factories that are unsafe and may even involve child labor. Many food companies treat their animals poorly or produce massive amounts of waste. We can try to not support it by researching who we buy from and what services we use, but sometimes this can be impossible due to things such as money or availability. A huge portion of media is created with actors and actresses being victimized and the content of the media can often rely on harmful stereotypes and generalizations. I don’t know the solution. Me not buying products from companies that exploit their workers won’t stop it from happening. I do what I can via things like voting for people I believe will advocate for safe working environments and stronger penalties for breaking these codes.

However, it can sometimes seem impossible to even enjoy anything without being reminded of how it is #problematic. What I do know is that there are levels to this. A film that shows the hero as a straight white man defeating the enemy who just happens to be a person of color is objectively not as bad as a food company that mass produces meat by overfeeding their animals, keeping them in too-small enclosures, and giving them lots of steroids to make them bigger. Both are problematic, but there is a “lesser of two evils”. So where do we draw the line between what’s acceptable problematic and what’s unacceptable? Well, that will differ from person to person and subject to subject. Someone might say that nothing that is even remotely problematic is acceptable and that everything you consume must be produced ethically. To which I say… that’s going to be near impossible to accomplish without maintaining an ignorance of how the thing is produced.

I am going to give an example of something that I have seen complaints about: homophobia and Good Omens. Specifically, Neil Gaiman and the relationship between the character Aziraphale and Crowley in the novel and television series Good Omens. Warning for possible spoilers for the book and show.

Good Omens is a novel written by Sir Terry Prachett and Neil Gaiman and publish in May 1990. It centers around two characters: Aziraphale, an Angel, and Crowley, a demon, and their efforts to stop Armageddon from ending the world. In 2019 it was adapted into a TV series of the same name with Neil Gaiman as the writer and showrunner and released through Amazon Prime. The plot of the TV series is basically the same as the novel. Both have been very popular and have received critical praise. However, both have also received criticism involving homophobia, sexism, racism, and blasphemy. I am going to focus on the homophobia critique. The main points appear to be as follows:

Many fans believe that Aziraphale and Crowley are in love with each other.

No explicit text in the book nor dialogue in the show makes this canon.

Gay slurs are used in the book and a euphemism is used in the show.

All evidence of a romance is either subtext or via specifically the acting of the stars Michael Sheen and David Tennant.

Some have interpreted this as queerbaiting.

*Queerbaiting is when the creators of entertainment hint at a same sex relationship between two characters, but never depict this romance, in order to attract LGBT+ audience members while not alienating other more homophobic members.

Furthermore, Neil Gaiman has made statements on social media that he never intended for there to be a romantic relationship between these two characters, then later contradicted himself by stating he wrote the scripts for the show as a love story.

*Despite the plausible deniability Neil Gaiman has maintained regarding the phrase “love story”, for the purposes of this essay, we are going to consider it as a statement that he intended the show to involve a romantic relationship.

So, let’s unpack.

First, let’s look at the use of slurs. Gay slurs/euphemisms are used both in the novel and show. That is a fact. From what I noted, they are used in the dialogue of the characters rather than an impartial narrator. I am not excusing the use of slurs because “that’s how this person is characterized”. Still, characters who are homophobic can and do use slurs in works of fiction.

Second, no Aziraphale and Crowley never kiss. There is no scene where they admit their feelings to each other or even hold hands. The acting in the show very very strongly implies romantic feelings between these characters, but never is it made explicitly clear. Neil Gaiman has stated that he did not intend for the characters to end up together romantically in the novel or show, then later appeared to backtrack in regard to the show once a huge portion of the audience responded with: No. No, Mr. Gaiman. I believe they are in love and I believe you would have to be blind to not see it. Or words to that extent.

Now here is the part where the individual has to start really considering and questioning their stance in regard to this situation as well as contextualize the circumstances of its creation.

LGBT+ rights and representation has come to the forefront of ethical debate in recent years. Yes, there have been activists and movements for decades, but it has only just started to be prevalent in mainstream media and entertainment. It was definitely not considered as much in 1990 as it is today. Hell, in middle school I remember one pretty devastating insult being “Get away from me you freaky gay person!” and I was born after Good Omens was published. The general public did not have as much entertainment featuring same sex relationships as today. This sort of makes the lack of a romantic relationship in the novel appear reasonable and contextualized the use of slurs. This… isn’t great. But it’s not unusual.

This same argument cannot be used for the TV show.

While the TV show also does not make their relationship officially romantic, it is hard to deny that it appears that Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship is more than platonic. The only thing I can really say is that Neil Gaiman probably did not know a same sex relationship would be acclaimed as much as it ended up being. It was almost thirty years since the book came out and he was probably unaware or unsure of the response.

Sigh.

Yes. Good Omens and Neil Gaiman are #problematic. Is Neil Gaiman homophobic? I can’t read the man’s mind, but I’m inclined to say no. The novel is a product of its time and people are capable of change. I personally know people who have said homophobic things in the past, but now are active supporters of LGBT+ rights. Neil Gaiman is not beyond change. Do I wish he had from the start said that the show would be a love story instead of after its popularity among LGBT+ members? Yes. Was he afraid of alienating some of the homophobic audience members? Possibly, but he also had God voiced by a woman and made Adam and Eve black, which alienated certain members of religious groups [insert petition here]. I do give him credit for that.

Additionally, representation in mainstream media is still a process that has not reached complete equality for all races, sexes, genders, and identities. Even though this show isn’t perfect representation, it is miles beyond previous dominating TV shows such as Sherlock and Supernatural. Yes. Maybe he and people from Amazon wanted to be #woke without committing to it, but it is still a rather progressive show that I would not have expected to get as much praise as it has.

And now I have to make some judgement calls on a person I have never met and certainly don’t know beyond what he has presented to the public. I think that Neil Gaiman is a good person. Is he perfect? No. Neither I nor anyone else I know is. But I believe he wrote Good Omens to entertain people and make them happy. And it does. It makes me happy. It makes my friends happy. It makes a lot of people I’ve seen online happy.

[mintgator]

Hot Take: Author’s Should Take SOME Responsibility for What They Put Into the World and Fandom Needs to GETTHEFUCKOVERITSELF and Stop Applauding Problematic Shit

i’m ranting about a fandom that frequently annoys me because most of them refuse to acknowledge that the source material is not the epitome of perfection that they think it is

I literally can’t under the tag without getting really, REALLY angry and disgusted.

stories, especially popular ones, can be harmful especially when the fandom likes to excuse/ignore its flaws

more under the cut

Do you know how happy I am that we’re FINALLY getting away from love stories like Twilight? Are you AWARE that stories for adults can be JUST AS FUCKING HARMFUL as that one was for teenage girls????

Popularity of anything can be DANGEROUS if it is applauded for its perfection and not viewed critically.

the story I’m talking about is one I love, but it’s NOT PERFECT. it is TERRIBLY PROBLEMATIC. to the point that, for me to enjoy it, i had to ignore/skip over some really awful parts of it. but a large chunk of the fandom likes to excuse that stuff because they like reading kinky abusive sex THAT ISN’T EVEN SAFE OR ACCURATE?

are you ever in a fandom full of idiots? i’m not tagging it cuz i’m not in the mood to argue atm buuuut...the OG content has some MAJOR FUCKING ISSUES with dubcon and the gay sex in OG content is REALLY PROBLEMATIC (ffs there’s no lube, there’s no consequences, one half of the pairing at one point kisses the other without permission, other times he just pushes him around before sex)

there is a super common trend in BL and m/m stories (actually in het stories too ugh) from Japan and China in which one half of the pairing is always saying “No! Don’t!” etc. when the other tries to enforce sex on the other and....*breathes* no lines are draw before hand, yet this stuff is put across as “romantic”

NO. NO. THIS IS NOT CONSENT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. IT’S NOT CONSENT AT ALL.

just because you like some kinky shit does not mean it validates non-consent situations that are not explicitly stated otherwise

and while authors should TO AN EXTENT be viewed separately from their work, when they’re not willing to acknowledge that their own work has problems THAT IS A PROBLEM

listen i’ve suffered thru gay sex scenes without lube and the characters come out of it fine and i just....????? WHAT????

authors do have some responsibility to their readers. i get tired of people saying otherwise. they also have responsibility to accurately represent and RESEARCH what they’re writing. it may be fiction and marked as such but fiction influences people and not always in good ways. WRITERS NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE BAD SHIT IN THEIR STORIES. Otherwise people are going to pick it up and think bad things are validated. THAT’S NOT GOOD.

[houseinva]

Toxic individuals lure you into a false sense of security simply to have a platform to showcase their cruelty. Baiting you into a mindless, chaotic argument can escalate into a showdown rather quickly with someone who doesn’t know the meaning of respect. A simple disagreement may bait you into responding politely initially, until it becomes clear that the person has a malicious motive of tearing you down. By “baiting” you with a seemingly innocuous comment disguised as a rational one, they can then begin to play with you. Remember: narcissistic abusers have learned about your insecurities, the unsettling catchphrases that interrupt your confidence, and the disturbing topics that reenact your wounds – and they use this knowledge maliciously to provoke you. After you’ve fallen for it, hook line and sinker, they’ll stand back and innocently ask whether you’re “okay” and talk about how they didn’t “mean” to agitate you. This faux innocence works to catch you off guard and make you believe that they truly didn’t intend to hurt you, until it happens so often you can’t deny the reality of their malice any longer. It helps to realize when you’re being baited so you can avoid engaging altogether.

I didn’t understand the concept of narcissistic supply back then, I didn’t understand that Ben felt validated by and alive from any sort of attention I gave him. Good or bad, positive or negative, attention to a narcissist is all that matters, it’s what feeds the False Self’s feelings of importance, of being valuable, and of being “real” whereas the narcissist’s False Self isn’t real, it’s nothing more than smoke and mirrors.

It didn’t matter how I reacted, as long as I didn’t  react or show indifference or silence, I was validating the existence of Ben’s False Self as being genuine and authentic instead of something Ben created to hide his disordered, flawed, wounded and damaged True Self.

Since Ben was my sexual awakening and had a tremendous impact on my life, I was still trapped in the mind-set induced by love-bombing; I believed that Ben was good deep-down despite at times showing a lack of empathy and interpersonal exploitation. While I knew he lied a lot, I still tended to believe what he said most of the time, especially when he lied directly to my face (as opposed to lying by text message, email or phone). I’ll give Ben credit: he’s one hell of a believable liar. When Ben claimed to be introverted and needed his “alone time” as opposed to intentionally and knowingly driving me mad with the silent treatment, I accepted his words as truthful.

Ben now said not to ever worry again about being discarded as he swore that would never happen again. He claimed he’d invested far too much into me to just throw me away and discard me, promising me that the days of discarding were days of the past and I need not worry about that issue anymore. Ben knew I’d been conditioned into being triggered the moment anything discard-related was mentioned into freaking out and flying off the deep end.

There was one instance when I sat down with Ben and pulled up literature on being “triggered,” trying to educate him on the importance of not bringing up my vulnerabilities or triggers. I believed that this teaching / learning experience made this “register” with him. I failed to realize I’d essentially  given him the blueprints on how to drive me insane.

I was aware of Ben seeming to create problems out of thin air at times when it wasn’t necessary, but I always assumed he was just slightly paranoid and overly sensitive. I never considered he’d done these things on purpose, especially not since he’d claimed he was working so hard to be the ideal version of himself that he saw in his head.

They create imaginary scenarios out of thin air just to blame you for them. A narcissist is a pathological liar – someone who will lie just for the fun of it. They draw amusement and entertainment from their victims   having to defend themselves against baseless accusations. Blame shifting ensures that the target is on edge, restless, and wastes their energy   trying to explain themselves rather than simply stating the facts and standing firm in their self-validation.

October 2017

One night Ben called to say that “those  people” called asking questions about me; “those people” was how Ben referred to the officers that had arrested John, my neighbor who befriended me right before I met Ben in round one.  Ben’s other boyfriend, the one he’d claimed to be breaking up with any moment since he returned for round two, was their confidential informant according to Ben. I did a random background check on his boyfriend and his arrest record corroborated Ben’s claims, as well. I thought Ben was trying to “throw me off,” there was no reason they’d want anything to do with me.

But then, days later I received  their call. My subsequent visit to see “those people” cost me $4k for an attorney and we found out nothing. Initially they said they had reason to believed I’d committed a crime in Maryland. I thought to myself:

They must have me confused with someone else. Outside of visiting my family and when I worked there well over a year ago, the only time I’ve been to Maryland was that one time when Ben literally yanked me out of bed and dragged me to his house for that god-awful threesome with him and his boyfriend.

I never considered there was any connection. I told them I didn’t know what they were talking about. The officers seemed anxious and fidgety; they tried offering me something to sign that would give me immunity if I told them what I knew only I didn’t know what they were talking about. We’d met them in Virginia and my lawyer read over the paper, stating it didn’t appear to give me immunity in DC where I lived. He said he wasn’t recommending I sign anything. Then the officers acted even stranger and started talking about random things unrelated to crime.

The one agent showed me his new iPhone, letting me play with it for a few minutes before we left. My lawyer described this as the strangest interaction with police in his career. I had no clue why they’d even contacted me but they sure were a lot kinder this time with an attorney present than they were when I first met them in that van in Northern Virginia. That was the time when I was leaving and the one officer cautioned me against using gay chat apps and dating sites, saying they could get me into trouble one day. All I knew was I didn’t want anything to do with those people and I was glad this random meeting went smoothly.

When I told Ben, he claimed he was joking when he said they called him asking about me and, given the coincidence, he didn’t feel safe anymore with me, using it as an excuse to discard me yet again, the fucker. Within two weeks, Ben was back at my side like always, of course, not acknowledging having discarded me nor apologizing either, which was expected. The whole thing was weird but I just thought it was another random, weird event in life, never thinking about on it.

One night Ben came over to celebrate Valentine’s day with me. When he  was leaving, he did something that was completely unlike him: he kissed me goodbye, and for the second time in our nearly year-long romance, he said:

I love you.

I was smitten, and I was taken aback as it was so unlike Ben to be romantic in the slightest. Despite us having more sex in a week than most do in their lifetimes, the element of love or romance was never present, at least not on his part. He went on to say that he’d likely return later to spend the night after he took care of a few things at home. In typical Ben fashion, he never returned, instead leaving me to stay up all night long waiting in anticipation. That’s something Ben did all the fucking time, he’d leave me hanging based on supposed plans that never came through. The next day I discovered Ben sent me an email shortly after midnight,  with the subject line reading:

Those people.

Ben claimed when he left my place that night, he saw police outside, shining a flashlight inside his car and felt too frightened to return to my place again after my run-in with “those people” months before.

I’d told him about what went down when I met with them, and he knew there was nothing to worry about, there was nothing going on and they must have been mistaken.

Ben also claimed they didn’t say a word to him and it sounded like some random group of police in the city at night, which is fairly common. It made no sense why he felt so shaken up and his language also seemed… hokey, it wasn’t typical for Ben, it seemed like he was making this up just to throw me off like he seemed to enjoy doing so often. Once a few more emails came through from him, I wasn’t buying his story at all anymore.

We will talk and maybe see each other in public somewhere. I’ve never been that shook before and I’m not trying to start anything.

What? What? What? Where was this coming from? Why would Ben seeing police outside result in him deciding never to return again to my home, limiting our time together to seeing each other in public, and cause him to suddenly decide to move home with his parents? This was making absolutely no sense whatsoever, and Ben was a magnificent liar whereas this time it was blatantly obvious he was lying through his teeth. But not matter what I said, he’d manage to flip it back around on me, making me appear like I was the the bad guy, the unreasonable one, and the asshole. The last time i saw him, Ben kissed me goodnight and said he loved me only for this to be our next encounter; not only was this was ridiculous, but for Ben’s lying kills to be this shitty this meant something was truly off.

You’re right I could be over reacting to the whole police thing but instead of helping me and or calming me down to make me feel safe you attack me? Is that what you to to someone you care about?

I’ll admit I didn’t save my responses to him but they weren’t over the top or mean like he suggested in his responses. I felt like he was lying though, I knew he was lying, but I couldn’t prove it. His reaction just seemed so extreme over something as run of the mill as police in DC streets at night. If anything he should have felt safe knowing that police were around in my neighborhood, it’s not like either one of us was up to trouble. This was nonsense. Ben was back at his favorite past-time again: fucking with my head. That I was certain of, although he’d never admit it, just like he’d never admit any of the mind games he loved screwing my mind with.

This annoying game dragged on for the entire week – first claiming he  was too scared to come back, then attacking me for questioning the validity of his claims instead of supporting him during a time of need. This was Ben’s way of dangling the discard carrot in front of my face indirectly in a way that he could claim was clearly not an attempt to discard me. The boy wasn’t content unless he was fucking with my head and provoking me. As stupid as it sounds, this whole ordeal threw me off for the entire week, I was depressed and on edge and convinced I’d never see Ben again. That Thursday night, I noticed something: the sex toy cabinet that Ben had stocked full of adult novelties was empty. Ben had been filling it for the last 9 months and suddenly nothing was there. What the hell? That little turd face had taken them all home with him before leaving that night, there was nowhere else they could have gone. He hadn’t seen police for certain, that was all one giant excuse for ending things with me but not wanting me to call him out for discarding me like always.

I was so angry at Ben and his never-ending mind games. He refused to respond to my email, leaving me to feel discarded yet again. Then Saturday morning, I received the email below, which makes me refer to Ben as a turd face squared

I just dropped [other boyfriend] off and might go to school. If I hear from you I’m open to talking fucking or just hanging out. The police thing still scares me but you’ve been a good friend for the most part so I don’t see that ending so easily.

That little turd had chosen to bait me into a mind-fucking, impossible argument that threw me off for an entire week only to send me the above and stop over that day. Of course there was no apology and he insisted the police incident was real and traumatizing.

Later on in rereading his emails, I noted something, which I underlined below:

Come to find out Ben had been snooping through my cell phone and email and saw that I referred to him as a narcissist in communication I had with my therapist. I didn’t notice Ben’s Freudian slip above about “talking behind my back about me to other people” until several weeks later. I approached him about this and he was honest for once, at least so I believe, in admitting to reading what I’d sent to my therapist about him. He’d planned out this whole thing because of my use of the goddamn, other “n-word.”

[grumpyonion]

kind anon gave me an excuse to answer a bunch of questions about myself cuz i know at least one person actually wants to read them so here goes

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? i do actually. it’s just a little thing but it’s nice 2: Have you ever been deeply in love? yess i have, more than once 3: Longest relationship you've ever been in? about two years i think? 4: Have you ever changed for someone? yeah, unfortunately. do not recommend  5: How is your relationship with your ex? i have no relationship with any of my exes except my most recent, and we’re friends 6: Have you ever been cheated on? yepppp 7: Have you ever cheated? nope 8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating? absolutely not. even if they’ve been “clean” for a while, my own anxiety and paranoia would not rest and i just know i’d read too much into every little thing. 9: What's the most important part of a relationship? honestly being able to like, laugh like hell together. being able to just totally let go and be 100% yourself and feel fully comfortable around that person.  10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? i havent really done “flings” before except maybe once in high school. all my relationships have been pretty committed and relatively long-term. although right now i don’t think i could do anything serious, i’m dealing w too much internal shit  11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"? eh. if you’ve been together a loooong time and maybe need a couple days or so of space to keep things goin, sure. but if it’s something that’s only a couple months old and you already need a “break”, it might just not be working out.  12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? hooked up is a vague term imo but ive only ever had a single one night stand 13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? not trusting my gut, not standing up for myself, not speaking my mind about how i feel/what i want 14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? this is an impossible question 15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"? absolutely the FUCK not. age is incredibly important  16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"? not particularly??  17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet? yeah, i’ve done it 18: What do you consider a deal breaker? oh god so many things lol. bigotry, disrespect, overly selfish, emotionally immature 19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship? when spending time with the person feels more like a chore than a privilege, or when the person makes you wanna fucking die lmao 20: Are you currently in a relationship? nope 21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? for sure, it hasn’t really worked for me so far (until now) but it’s possible 22: Do you think people should date their friends? i.. wouldn’t date someone who wasn’t my friend most likely 23: How many relationships have you had? SERIOUS relationships? like.. 4. including weird short-term shit? 7. including a dude i wasn’t technically dating but it kinda felt like we were? 8. the 4 are the big ones though.  24: Do you think love can last forever? i really do hope so 25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? unfortunately no 26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of? if you asked me this 5 years ago i’d say fuck no. but i was once with someone my mom didn’t like and at the time i was very defensive of it cuz i was blind and in love, but looking back now i realize that person was horribly abusive and has left me with residual trauma soooo. if my mom didn’t like someone i was with, i would definitely listen to why.  27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? just ONE piece? damn. if they make you wanna die/hurt yourself, leave them. 28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? yess. i don’t think i’d ever do one again personally but they can work 29: What do you notice first about another person? their style, and the way they hold themselves. usually i get a kind of vibe from people too, so that helps 30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? lmao idk i just say im fuckin gay it’s confusing 31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? nope. in fact most if not all of my partners have in some way 32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? yes 33: Do you want to get married one day? yeah i’d like to, it’s not my top priority though  34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed? i don’t think i’d ever get a name tattooed but i’d get like matching tattoos maybe?? 35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? i used to say no but honestly i think i could now that i’m mostly out of my hormone-driven teenage years  36: Are you still a virgin? nope 37: What's more important: Looks or personality? personality is what keeps a relationship going but looks are important to get that initial interest and keep the attraction alive yknow 38: Do you enjoy love films? depends, but sometimes yeah 39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? no :( 40: Have you ever had a valentine? mmm yes i think once or twice 41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"? i hate this question cuz IDK!! 42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"? i’m trying to remember if i’ve actually read through the whole thing but i can’t for the life of me remember. i think so tho?? 43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends? friends, always. although usually they are also part of the friends category so it’s complicated   44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"? nah not really 45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? uhmmmmm yes 46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"? not a real thing y’all 47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite? lol idk if they count as “famous” but Jenna and Julien babbyyyyy i love them 48: What's your favorite love song? ive got a bunch but the first one i thought of is Bloom by The Paper Kites 49: Have you ever broken someone's heart? yeah 50: If you're single, why do you think you are? because my ex broke up w me and because i’m not ready to be in another relationship yet 51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy? why is this a question. poor but nice 52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? i think so. i’ve gotten pretty good at advice over the years 53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single? it comes and goes 54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? i really don’t care 55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"? nah, i appreciate having my own personal space. i can get jealous sometimes though 56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship? god no 57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? not at all. a relationship ending can be extremely upsetting to some people, and if you already struggle with mental illness a major negative event like that can exasperate it  58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship? submissive 59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary? i forget everything lol 60: What's your opinion on open relationships do whatever works and makes everyone happy as long as it’s consensual!  61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family? they’re important for different reasons tho i couldn’t really pick one 62: How do you define "cheating"? it’s different for everyone and every relationship, for me PERSONALLY idc if my partner like, shares a platonic kiss with their friends, or cuddles/holds hands with their friends. platonic intimacy is important and i wouldn’t wanna take that away from them. i draw the line at having sex with other people, or when romantic/serious feelings get involved.  63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? nah, do whatever 64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated? kinda, but it’s cute idc 65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"? definitely