#‘’this moment is forever. we even though each puff will take us further from together. she’ll have me until the very last drag” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yoonsshadow · 4 years ago

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ETERNAL - v

➳ summary ; They have died so often that death has lost its meaning; hurt so regularly that pain has become inconsequential; lost so much that they hold each other to the light of the stars. They have nothing yet they have everything, as long as they have each other. And, after centuries, they now have her.

➳ pairing ; bts!ot7 x fem!reader

➳ genres ; The Old Guard au; fantasy, historical, action, romance, alternate universe

➳ themes ; angst, fluff, death

➳ warnings ; smoking, mature conversations

➳ word count ; 3k

➳ note ; Thank you for your patience!

masterlist

Fear is a fist that clutches your heart, reminding you of its presence each time it tightens its grip. It doesn’t hurt, necessarily, but you can feel the strength in its hold; the raging tendons wrapped around your tender organ that strain with each heartbeat. A singular emotion controlling your very pulse.

Cigarette smoke billows into the indigo hour of the night, and you find yourself unable to pry the fingers away.

The air on the balcony is cold, but it envelops you in a comforting embrace; it’s a soft coolness, as opposed to the harsh, biting climate of the desert that you’ve become accustomed to. Your skin prickles with goosebumps, but you don’t feel the need to scratch at yourself, to tear the skin from your flesh. It makes you feel alive, even if the definition of that word has changed for you.

Evidence of your newfound immortality, if that’s what you can call it, dangles between your fingers, ashes falling to the ground several storeys below with each gentle tap. It tastes terrible⎯⎯a bitter flavour of death in every pull⎯⎯but it serves its purpose for now. It keeps you grounded, gives you something to focus on other than the slowly growing anxiety that still holds strong in your chest.

Behind you, the balcony door slides open, startling the silent air with its soft drag.

“You’re up late,” Namjoon says. He speaks soft, low, as if hesitant to disturb you. “Or early, I guess. Didn’t take you for a smoker.”

You breathe out a puff of smoke, watching as it dissipates into the darkness. “I’m not.” He steps into your periphery, leaning on the metal railing beside you. “I just needed...something. Found them hidden away in the bookshelf.”

Namjoon scoffs. “Figures. We’re usually a non-smoking household, but sometimes the boys get sneaky. Pass me one?”

You hand him the box. Only two cigarettes left. He brings one to dangle between his lips and, without asking, you hand him a lighter. It takes him three tries, and then he’s sighing smoke into the air as well.

“Thought you were a non-smoking household.”

“We are. Stinks up the place, and it tastes disgusting. But. When in Rome.”

“You calling me Rome?”

He chuckles, but doesn’t answer. “Couldn’t sleep?”

You shake your head, despite knowing that he isn’t looking at you. “Too much on my mind.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t think I could if I tried.”

He blends in with the shadows, slightly, though the peaks of his cheekbones catch the dull light that glows through the mist of pollution. “I get that. Would you rather me talk?”

“Not really.”

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“Not really.”

So he stays. Until the embers begin to burn your fingertips; until you’re snuffing your cigarette on the metal rail. You don’t think you’ll smoke again. You suppose it doesn’t matter, though. There’s forever ahead of you to change your mind.

Sunlight is just beginning to illuminate the buildings around you when Namjoon speaks up again. He stubbed his own cigarette before it was even halfway done.

“I’m sure you’re curious,” he says. “About us, about the situation, about everything. And we’ll tell you as much as we can, but...There are some things the boys won’t feel comfortable telling you about just yet. We’ve lived long lives. We’ve done good things and bad things; experienced things we’re proud of and things that haunt us. We may not die, but we’re still human. I hope that you don’t mind being patient with us.”

Your heart aches a little at the melancholy in his tone, as if you wouldn’t give the world for these seven men after knowing them just a day. It feels as if your soul has missed them for a lifetime.

“Namjoon.” He turns to face you, now, and a halo of soft light glows around his face. “I don’t know what you’ve all been through, and frankly, it’s none of my business. If you want to tell me something, I know that you’ll do it in your own time. I’ve got the rest of my life to get to know you all, okay? There’s no rush.”

His smile starts as a twitch, a quirked corner of his lips, but quickly grows wide. Relieved.

“I’m glad it’s you,” he says. He offers no elaboration, no further words, but you think you know what he means. Because you’re glad it’s him, too. You’re glad it’s them.

With breakfast comes clarity. As you sit at the large dining table, bowls of rice, soup, and several plates of banchan steaming into the morning air, you find yourself feeling calmer than you have since your death. It’s as though the raging tides of emotions⎯⎯uncertainty, confusion, downright fear⎯⎯have finally quelled into a tranquil body of water. There is sure to be a ripple sooner or later, but for now, it is completely still.

Yoongi, the cook of this morning’s feast, takes the first bite, and the rest of you follow. There is so much that you want to say, so many questions that you want to speak into existence, but the bitter taste of apprehension bleeds through even the delicious taste of your meal. You feel like you might choke on it⎯⎯the taste and your words both⎯⎯but your throat closes before you can even swallow.

Ah. There is the awaited ripple.

Perhaps it is the hours of silent companionship, or simply his centuries of wisdom, but Namjoon seems to sense your internal struggle. “If there’s anything you want to ask us, Y/N, go ahead. We’ll answer to the best of our abilities.”

Your throat eases and your tastebuds return to normal. “Well…” Where do you begin? What questions do you ask potentially ancient beings? “I guess let’s start with what this,” you wave a finger around the table, at the seven other sets of eyes who watch you patiently, “is. The situation.”

Namjoon nods slowly. It seems he’ll be taking charge for this conversation, much to the visible relief of the others. “Even we aren’t completely certain of what exactly this is,” he says. “From what we’ve learned, our death granted us immortality, or something to that degree. We cannot die, nor can we get majorly injured. Any wounds heal quickly, and any illnesses metabolise out of our system before they can affect us.”

You nod. All of this you were already aware of.

“As for this,” he continues. He looks around the group, fighting back a fond smile. “We’re all connected. When someone else becomes like us, we all see visions of each other to help us find them. The same happened with you. You saw visions of us when you slept, and we saw visions of you. That’s how we could find you. The dreams gave us enough information to figure out who you were, and then it was a matter of locating you.”

“Which wasn’t easy, by the way,” Jimin adds, though there is no annoyance. “Your files were so deeply buried that we thought they might not exist. And don’t even get me started on accessing the satellite.”

“You hacked a satellite?” You can’t hide the shock in your tone, and you don’t miss the glint of mischief in Jimin’s eyes.

“That’s not important,” Namjoon says, taking control of the conversation once again. “What’s important is this: the eight of us are intrinsically connected now. We might not get the visions anymore, but we are still linked. The easiest way to describe it is that we’re soulmates, though that might not even be true. We were destined to find each other, to be immortal together. Whether it’s for some higher purpose, or just a random curse, we don’t know. It’s better, I think, if we don’t try and find out that reason.”

Now that confuses you. “Why? Isn’t it human nature to be curious?”

Hoseok scoffs. “I don’t think we fall under the definition of ‘human’ anymore.”

You’ll have to file that away for later.

Namjoon ignores Hoseok, and looks straight at you. “If we become too enveloped in trying to figure out the big ‘why’, we’ll get lost in ourselves. We’ll lose our own sense of purpose. If we were chosen, for whatever reason, then we have to trust that our instincts will guide us to do what is needed.”

“Okay.” You suppose he’s right. “Then, could you tell me how old you all are?”

“We don’t do ages,” Taehyung says. He sounds almost amused. “We know the age we were when we died, but we don’t keep track of how long we’ve lived after that. It’s a rule.”

“Then how about...generally? Who was the first? How did you all die?”

All eyes turn to Namjoon. Honestly, you can’t say you’re surprised.

“I was the first,” he says. A faraway look takes over his eyes, as if lost in the past. Seokjin puts a grounding hand on his shoulder. “I couldn’t figure out my actual age if I tried, but it was...a long time ago. I was the chief of my village. Killed for power. The story isn’t too interesting.”

There’s a brief moment of silence, and then Yoongi clears his throat. “I was the second. A slave to some tyrant who thought he was all-powerful. Killed in front of the other slaves to put them in line.” He shrugs, but doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes.

Hoseok is quick to speak next, his words are short and curt. “I was third. Court execution.” He seems reluctant, as if guarding his past behind the tightly-locked gates of his crossed arms, but you mean what you said to Namjoon earlier; you will wait for them. For however long it takes.

Next is Seokjin, and you have a feeling that his theatrics are for Hoseok’s benefit. “I was the lucky fourth, and a king, at that! Though I was only in the position for a few hours, and all public records of it were thrown into the river with my body. Which is a shame, really, because my portraits deserved to be in museums for all to marvel over.”

“Um.” Jeongguk seems nervous, and you see him hide his shaking hands beneath the table. “I was next. I died of...natural causes.”

“And we came as a set,” Taehyung smiles, arm slung over Jimin’s shoulders. “Died at the very same moment, and woke up the same way! We were best friends, right, Jiminie? On the opposite sides of a war, but I loved him with my whole heart.”

Jimin nods, a wistful smile pulling at his cheeks. “I remember thinking that I was so lucky, to die in his arms. To never have to live a single moment without him. And then we found the others, and I thought that I must’ve been in heaven to be so fortunate.”

“We’re all together,” Namjoon elaborates, though it’s unnecessary. A blind man could see the way they feel about each other. “It may be because of circumstance, though I like to think that it’s because we were all meant to be. Like it’s a gift from the universe, allowing soulmates born in different centuries to find each other.”

“And now you,” Jeongguk whispers. His eyes glimmer, hopeful, and so young despite the obvious years he has over you. You wonder why he doesn’t seem as emotionally aged as the others; what could cause him to cling to his youth the way he does. It doesn’t matter, though. If it means he keeps his heart, it will never matter.

“We don’t expect anything from you,” Seokjin says. “Not romantically or even platonically. You are still your own person, and if you don’t want to be a part of this, in any degree, we won’t force it.”

You are thankful for that. It takes away a pressure that you didn’t even know you had until now. The thought that this is a choice⎯⎯a decision that is completely yours to make⎯⎯relieves you to no end. And yet...

“I don’t think that’s a decision I can make right now.” You mindlessly arrange the chopsticks on your now empty plate as you try to summon the right words to explain yourself. “There’s so much that I need to figure out, and so many things that I feel I have to do. I don’t even know if I’ve properly processed the situation yet, or if I’m simply in shock.”

“Is there any way we can help you?” Yoongi, as always, seems so genuine. So heartfelt.

“You already have. So much more than you’d believe.” And it’s true. Independence is your life. You may have been in a team in your old life, a leader of a small group for whom you were responsible, but you were always brought up, always trained, to survive alone. To find comfort in an existence of solitude. Because that’s what the military is; it is removing yourself from others, from the world. You were in a team, sure, but you were all alike in your aloneness. Alone together.

Now, you have this group of men who, without knowing you, have plucked you from your misery and now offer you everything. Offer themselves, their companionship, their help. You are not the one responsible, the one with everything on the line. They have taken that from you with gentle hands, and you give it away gladly. There is not much else that you could ask of them.

Except. Well, maybe there is.

“But…” You trail off, and their eyes just scream patience. You don’t know how they do it, how they’ve grown to be so effortlessly composed and serene, because right now your heart is beating in urgency. It batters against your chest, yelling at you to just ask them, now, but your words falter in sudden uncertainty. They have already given you so much, offered even more; can you truly ask for the help that you now realise you may need?

You look into their eyes again, and know that the answer is yes.

“This mission,” you continue, sitting up straighter. If you speak with confidence, perhaps you’ll start to feel it. “As far as I know, it was never completed. When our team went in, it was under the belief that we’d be able to rescue all of the children safely and relatively unseen. Someone on the inside tipped them off, but they had to have had a reason. They wouldn’t have betrayed us like that unless something was wrong.”

“You speak like you know exactly who it was,” Hoseok says. It isn’t a question, and you see it in his expression that he isn’t necessarily looking for an answer.

You won’t give him one. Not yet. Not until you’ve figured out for yourself why this person would’ve left you for dead. “That isn’t important right now,” you say in lieu of a confirmation. “What matters is that those children are still out there somewhere, and there’s a leak in the operation.” Releasing a deep sigh, you slump down a bit. “I’m going back to the desert, back to the base, and I’m going to save those children. If you would like to help me...that would be really nice.”

“Of course we’ll help,” Jeongguk says, without hesitation. There’s a resoluteness in the set of his jaw that you haven’t seen in him before. “Anything you need. We mean it.”

“We should talk about this plan of yours first, though,” Namjoon says. “As far as the military is concerned, you’re dead. You died with your team. If you go back to your base of operations, that’s just going to open up a whole lot of complications for both sides. They might think that you were the traitor, being the only survivor. We’ll need to operate with a certain level of stealth.”

You were worried about that. Your dog-tags are with the rest of your team’s, your body supposedly burned along with theirs. You won’t be able to reprise the role you previously played in this, and you won’t have the military support that you once had. If you do this, it will be in the shadows, hiding behind corners and turning away from cameras. You are a ghost now. You’ll have to act like one.

“Okay,” you say. “I understand; we need to stay hidden. But there is one person that I need to see face-to-face. I can promise that they won’t do anything to endanger our identities.”

“It’s a bad idea,” Jimin says. “Trust is one thing when you’re alive, but if they’ve been mourning your death, you can’t know for sure how they’ll react.”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take,” you affirm. “I trust this person, and I’m going to need you all to trust me.”

Taehyung bites his lip in contemplation. “It isn’t that we don’t trust you,” he says, “but we can’t fully trust the situation. We don’t know this person, whoever they are, or how they’ll use this information against you. Against us.”

“I get it, I do.” You can’t help but sigh. “But this is something that I need to do, and something that I will do regardless of whether I have your permission. I won’t let my decision affect any of you, but if you decide against helping me because of this, I’ll understand.”

Yoongi leans forward. “We’re going to help you.” His tone is final. “And you’re right, this is your decision to make. We just want to make sure that you completely understand what you’re potentially getting yourself into.”

“You are all a lot older than me,” you say, “and obviously much wiser. But I’m an adult too, and I’m mature enough to know that my actions may have consequences. I’m no stranger to making tough decisions, or to taking responsibility. I may not be a Captain by rank anymore, but that doesn’t change who I am.”

“Okay,” Namjoon says. He doesn’t argue, nor does he apologise, but he doesn’t need to. There is a mutual understanding in the way you look at each other, and nothing more needs to be said. “So, what’s the plan?”

You take in a deep breath, and prepare your mind to return to the place you’ve grown to loathe.

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clubyukhei · 4 years ago

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in the mood for love (m)

pairing: wong yukhei x (f) reader

genre: fluff, smut, slice of life, some angst

summary: distance makes the heart grow fonder. in yukhei’s case, it makes him reminisce on all the firsts of your relationship and realise you’re the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. (or: a long-distance relationship au where yukhei savours every moment of your short reunion.)

warnings: unprotected sex, language

tags: established relationship, flashbacks, set in hk, hendery and kunten appear, drunk texting, flirty dialogue, love letters, talks of marriage, pining, a bittersweet ending

word count: 14.6k

a/n: wow, it feels weird to be finally posting this because i’ve been working on this for months. this took way longer than expected and for that i wanna thank my sweet mutuals and anons who have been so patient and encouraging :’) i hope you’re in the mood for fluff and domesticity because this fic is full of it! enjoy! (reposting again bc the original one wouldn’t show up in the tags. tysm if you’ve interacted with that post btw <3)

heaven is in your eyes

bright as the stars we're under

oh, is it any wonder

i'm in the mood for love?

why stop to think of whether

this little dream might fade?

we've put our hearts together

now we are one, i'm not afraid

if there's a cloud above

if it should rain we'll let it

but for tonight, forget it

i'm in the mood for love

mornings like this are hard to come by for yukhei.

when the only sounds he can hear are the ticking of a clock and your soft exhalations. when you’re cuddled up to him, your face tucked into the crook of his neck where you breathe warm puffs of air onto his skin every few seconds.

it’s probably just another one of those dreams that yukhei gets every now and then. the kind he never wants to wake up from, because when he opens his eyes, all he sees is the dull grey ceiling of his dormitory before his bunkmates’ noisy snores snap him back into reality.

those mornings were the worst. yukhei would give up on going back to sleep. instead, he’d force himself out of bed to wash up and head to the canteen for an early breakfast, all while annoyed that his mind had once again translated his yearning for you into his dreams. he couldn’t help but feel like he was being mocked by his own self.

but this time, it feels different.

his back is resting on a bed that’s much comfier than the thin mattress he’s used to back at camp, and he’s awfully snug and cosy under what feels like a thick fleece blanket.

yukhei peels his eyelids open, ready to be met with disappointment again.

the first thing he sees is the sunrise peeking through the curtains, greeting him good morning with a dark orange glow — which is weird, because he’s always up before the sun is. even though his mind is still fuzzy, yukhei has an inkling that he’s not back at camp. so he lifts his head off the pillow and looks around.

there’s a messy work desk between two huge potted plants; a wall fully plastered with polaroids and pictures; and a clothing rack with clothes that clearly aren’t his but it’s the bra hanging over an armchair that finally tells yukhei that he’s in your bedroom.

he looks down and sighs in relief seeing you in deep slumber next to him. you’re sleeping on your side with a hand absentmindedly resting on his waist, your head tilted as if you fell asleep while gazing at him. your eyes are closed and the look on your face is so peaceful — it’s an image that yukhei wants to keep in his mind forever.

wrapping an arm around your hips, yukhei gently tugs you closer to him. your eyebrow scrunches in reaction and he panics a little, freezing when your hand lands on top of his. but you turn on your other side and snuggle back against his chest instead, and his lips curl into a lopsided smile at this tiny movement.

yukhei hugs you from behind, nuzzling into your hair and sighing when he gets a whiff of your apple-scented shampoo that he has missed so much.

just like that, the warmth of your bodies wrapped around each other and the thought of getting to spend the next few days with you — in real life, not just in his dreams — lulls him back to sleep.

yukhei would never forget the day he first met you.

or the sight of you sitting at the back of his mum’s restaurant, sipping on a glass of iced tea as you stared out of the window and silently observed the hustle and bustle of shatin plaza.

the fact that his usual seat was occupied and that a pretty girl was sitting in it left him speechless, but not annoyed at all. sure, it was his favourite spot. it also unofficially belonged to him, seeing how he sat there nearly everyday doing his homework — but that was years ago.

yukhei felt like the universe had something up its sleeve when it presented him with such a scenario on a day where he finally managed to pop by his mum’s restaurant and pay her a visit. he rarely popped by on weekdays anymore because of how hectic his academic life was becoming.

“look who it is! our yukhei who keeps growing taller and taller!”

yukhei smiled shyly as he stepped behind the counter and greeted the longtime staff — aunties who never failed to shower him with all sorts of compliments — and rushed into the kitchen looking for his mum.

mrs wong was less than pleased when she saw her son, to say the least. the smile on her face lasted for a good minute before she started nagging about how he should’ve gone home to study instead.

“i am going to study! right after i eat.” he whined, shocked that his presence had irritated her so much.

“you always say that, yukhei. but you just play games on your phone!” mrs wong retorted, not looking away from the refrigerator.

yukhei gulped at that statement, unwilling to admit that it was quite true.

“mum, who’s that girl outside? sitting at my table?”

“your table?” she chuckled before looking up at him.

yukhei watched her make her way towards the kitchen entrance to peek at the stranger outside.

“ah, that’s _____. she comes here often.” she said with a bright smile that even yukhei himself rarely received. “she helped us understand what the tourists were saying, talked to them in english for us a few times now. a very sweet and smart girl.”

if anything, yukhei became more attracted to you at that moment.

maybe it’s the thought of you helping his mum out while he’s not around — he knew how rude and impatient some tourists could be with language barriers, having personally dealt with them several times — or maybe it’s just the way you entered his life that, for some reason, felt like an important moment to him.

either way, he already made up his mind about one thing.

yukhei ended up serving you the pad thai you had been waiting for, warmly introducing himself as the lady boss’ first and older son and striking up a conversation with you that went on longer than he had expected.

he thought it was bad that he had to control his excitement when you suggested he take the seat opposite yours, but it only got worse as you both began to talk about everything and nothing.

when you smiled, he lost his train of thought. when you laughed or so much as even chuckled, his chest squeezed around his heart and he wanted to keep hearing the sound of it. and when you listened to him, he had to look away because your attentive gaze on him was truly too much.

by the time you were done with your meal, yukhei had your number saved in his phone. he offered to walk you out, opening the glass doors for you all gentlemanly as if you had just dined at a five-star hotel restaurant.

“it was nice talking to you, yukhei.” you turned to smile at him just before you stepped outside. “see you again, i guess?”

“yeah, let’s—um. yeah, see you around.” yukhei stuttered pathetically.

you giggled and waved goodbye to him and mrs wong before heading off. the lady boss had been subtly keeping an eye on you two after her son insisted on waiting your table.

once you were out of view, yukhei sighed, cringing at how nervous he sounded. before you, he had never in his life felt that self-conscious in front of anyone.

“my dear, what was that?” his mum asked with a sly look of amusement on her face.

yukhei wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

“i don’t know, mum.”

all he could think about was seeing you again.

when yukhei wakes up again, he’s alone in bed.

the midday sunlight glares into the room and shines on the empty spot next to him, prompting him to roll away and further into the shade.

he lies on his side, watching some plant-shaped shadows sway across the wall for a minute before forcing himself out of bed. those extra hours of sleep did wonders for his circadian rhythm and for once he doesn’t feel tired to be awake at all — just bummed that he woke up with you not in his arms.

something in the air shifted after last night. yukhei couldn’t get over the way you jumped into his arms when he appeared at your doorstep, or how you got emotional at his shaky confession as he presented you with the promise ring he had been keeping for so long.

he had been craving for your presence so much over the past few months that seeing you reciprocate those feelings made him relieved and somewhat clingy. all he wants is to stick by your side every second he has with you before he leaves again.

so he gets out of bed immediately, walking into your tiny living room where he hears the sound of running water and finds you leaning against the kitchen counter with your back facing him, busily tending to the roses he had gifted you last night.

yukhei makes his way to you fast. his hands sneak beneath your oversized t-shirt and around your waist, pulling your frame against his front as he places a kiss on your temple.

“morning,” you say, relaxing into his touch and reaching for the nape of his neck with one hand to tug his face closer to yours.

yukhei hums in satisfaction when you angle your face perfectly to lock your lips with his in a tender kiss and whines when you attempt to pull away. he wants to taste your lips for a little longer, he’s far from done and you know it too.

you turn around to face him properly, abandoning the stalks of roses that had your attention earlier. a gasp escapes you when he slides his hands down to your bum and swiftly lifts you onto the counter.

“missed my baby so much,” he mumbles against the juncture of your jaw and neck, relishing in your soft sighs by his ear.

he doesn’t miss the way your legs hook around his waist to pull him closer or the way your fingertips lightly scratch his scalp as he busily sucks at your skin, determined to leave a trail of love marks for his own appreciation.

the doorbell rings just as he’s licking over his masterpiece, rudely interrupting the moment.

“yukhei.” you squeeze his shoulders and yukhei forces himself to pull away.

“who’s that?” he asks, unable to hide the tone of disappointment in his voice. his hands refuse to leave your skin, his thumb gently caressing the curve of your underboob.

you giggle at his pouty lips before adjusting the short bangs hanging over his forehead that he hated despite the many times you told him he looked cute.

“i ordered brunch for us.”

dumbfounded and still in a half-asleep state, yukhei helps you off the counter. he watches you look into the peephole before opening the door and picking up a large paper bag that had been sitting on your doormat.

“i thought you’d be hungry after waking up.” you say, setting the bag into your small dining table for two. “i hope you don’t mind, bub. i didn’t want to cook anything because, well—i can’t. i haven’t been to the grocery store this week. but we can always head there later and get stuff for the next few days.”

yukhei lets out a huff of disbelief. “baby.”

but you don’t hear him. you’re so busy unpacking the small food boxes onto the table as you ramble on and on, oblivious to the way he was staring at you in adoration.

“i got you your favourite stuff. spring rolls, shu mai—what?”

at last you notice how quiet he has been and you freeze, looking at him with your eyes wide in concern.

“sit down and let me do the work, please.” yukhei pleads, dragging a chair out. “you did all that while i did nothing and slept like a log!”

you laugh, shaking your head as you sit down. “i just dialed a number and asked for some food. and i know you really needed that sleep.”

once all the food boxes are arranged neatly on the table, yukhei takes his seat next to you. you’re in the midst of reaching for a pair of chopsticks when his hand grabs onto yours, halting your movements.

there’s a moment of silence as you curiously watch him readjust his thumb below the joints of your fingers, bringing the back of your hand towards his lips.

“thank you, baby. i love you.” he tells you with a dazed smile, placing a kiss just above where the promise ring hugs your finger.

“you’re welcome.”

you tell him you love him too before you bite back a huge smile — the kind that satisfies yukhei so much because he knows he’s the reason behind it.

yukhei couldn’t put into words how elated he was when you texted him back a few days after your slightly awkward first meeting, agreeing to hang out with him that upcoming friday night.

truth be told, there weren’t any concrete plans for your first date. it was amusing to him really, how the conversation ended right after you both settled on a meeting place, with no discussions of what to do or where to eat.

maybe you were simply excited to see him again and didn’t really care about what the plan was — because that was exactly how yukhei felt.

the bus ride to the shopping mall felt longer than usual. yukhei found himself staring at his reflection in the window a few times, adjusting the sleeves of his jacket and making sure he looked good.

he had rushed home straight after javelin practice and taken the quickest shower of his life before spending a good amount of time styling his hair. it was not the wisest idea — choosing a late school day when there were six other days in a week where he wouldn’t have to rush — but he had been merely trying his luck when he sent that message asking if you were free. he wasn’t expecting you to actually say yes.

so when he spotted you waiting all by yourself from afar, he quickened his footsteps amidst the crowd, never taking his eyes off of you.

your face lit up as soon as you saw him and you waved, the crop top you wore lifting a little. yukhei’s gaze flew to the sliver of skin exposed and the nervousness that had been bubbling in his tummy earlier instantly melted into nothing.

the night went quite smoothly. yukhei could not have enjoyed himself more, from dinner at the sushi bar you had recommended to the impromptu movie session that had the both of you sharing the only available seat left: a couple seat.

he was falling harder as he got to know you more and it scared him just how fast it was happening.

“do you watch superhero movies a lot?” you asked as the two of you turned into another alley of food stalls.

yukhei had insisted on accompanying you back to the train station after the movie as it was getting late. he was not going to leave you alone when nightlife in the city was just starting, not when the streets were bound to get rowdy.

“not really. i mean blockbusters are nice but i love old dramas and action flicks, you know?” yukhei answered, turning to look at you in his jacket that had been on you since he noticed you shivering in the cinema. he couldn’t help but smile at how your fingertips were peeking beneath the long sleeves.

“wait, me too!” you gasped, turning to look at him with a huge smile. “why didn’t you stop us from watching iron man?”

“well you suggested it so i thought you really wanted to watch it!” yukhei laughed as he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “i’m sorry.”

“no, that’s my bad. i didn’t know what you liked so i just picked something popular.” you rolled your eyes playfully. “maybe we can watch the great gatsby next time. i think we might enjoy that.”

next time?

it took yukhei a few seconds to acknowledge the idea of a second date that you had brought up so casually.

“r-really?” he cringed as the single word fumbled through his lips.

“yeah?” you replied, the blank look on his face amusing you a little. “we can watch something else too, if you want.”

“no!” he perked up. “let’s watch gatsby.”

eventually the two of you arrived at the train station, where goodbyes were exchanged rather reluctantly and awkwardly. yukhei watched as you took a few steps away from him before abruptly turning back around.

“what’s wrong?”

“your jacket!” you ran a hand through your hair abashedly. “i almost forgot! i mean i did, but.”

yukhei’s hands flew to yours before he could stop himself, stopping you from taking his black denim jacket off.

“it gets cold in the train. you should have it.” his hands flew to his sides awkwardly. “you can give it back to me next time, it’s okay.”

“oh.” you said so softly that yukhei almost missed it. your eyes fell onto the short sleeves hugging his arms and he read your mind right away.

“i’ll be fine. my bus ride home is pretty quick.” he reassured you. it was a lie. the weather had started getting cooler and that’s why he brought a jacket out in the first place, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

yukhei noticed that your cheeks had reddened a little. why were you so cute?

“okay then,” you said with a tiny smile. “thanks again, yukhei.”

yukhei landed on his bed face flat after a warm shower, absolutely exhausted and ready to hit the sack. to be fair, it had been a long day for him and it was close to midnight.

if it was any other weekday night, he would be snoring already. but he had just sent you a text asking if you reached home already and was eagerly waiting for your reply.

at last, after a long five minutes, yukhei’s phone buzzed a few times in a row.

[from: _____][sent at 11:57PM]

hey

i just got out of the shower

thx for checking in :)

and thx for tonight again, i had a good time :)

wait it’s almost 12!!

you’re still awake?

yukhei didn’t realise a bunch of alphabets and symbols could make him so happy. his thumb hovered over his phone screen as he began to type out a reply, but a more texts came flying in.

[from: _____][sent at 11:59PM]

well

in case you’re already sleeping..

goodnight and sweet dreams~

just minutes ago, he had been so ready to fall asleep. but the rush of happiness he experienced as he read your texts over again made that impossible now. yukhei couldn’t put away his phone, couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

he was screwed. he knew he was, when that was the effect you had on him after only days of knowing each other.

“well, well, well. if it isn’t my favourite couple.”

“sorry,” you sigh while yukhei simply shoots an apologetic smile at kunhang as he slips into the booth after you. “you know how bad traffic is at this hour.”

“it’s okay.” says ten who’s sitting next to kunhang and shoving his nintendo switch into his bag. “but we ordered some stuff first because i’m starving my ass off.”

“oh that’s great!” yukhei cheers. “i’m hungry too.”

“already? weren’t you guys just at your mum’s restaurant?” ten chuckles as he looks up, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

kunhang snorts. “he’s hungry all the time, remember? you should see his snack stash back at our dorms.”

just before they parted ways at camp at the start of their vacation, kunhang had suggested to yukhei that they have a get-together meal with ten — the oldest of the trio who recently scored a job at a renown art gallery in town and decided to stay for good, instead of flying back to his hometown.

yukhei agreed to it, not just because he missed his friend dearly, but also because it’s been a while since all of you had a meal together. when he brought it up to you, you were thrilled at the idea of catching up with them, even if that meant giving up some of his already limited time with you. that’s how you and him ended up sitting across from his two best friends at a hot pot restaurant tonight.

as food arrives and gradually takes up every inch of space on the table, everyone takes turns giving updates on their lives. yukhei shares memorable incidents at camp and kunhang adds on to his stories with funny anecdotes that make you and ten laugh, while ten announces that his longtime boyfriend, kun, has moved into his apartment.

“so how’s it like living with kun so far?” you ask, ladling soup from the simmering pot in the center of the table for everyone.

“i’m getting used to my fridge having food and my kitchen actually being used.” ten replies with a shy smile that yukhei rarely got to see. “it’s only been a week and it’s getting messy in there, but i’m not complaining.”

“aw.”

yukhei hears you coo, and he can practically see the look of endearment on your face even though he’s focused on all the meat you’ve put on his plate earlier.

“and when are the two of you planning to tell us that you’re getting married?” the long-haired boy smirks, squinting at the gold band hugging your ring finger.

the question stunts you and yukhei and kunhang nearly chokes on his sprite. the innocent smile that was on ten’s face just seconds ago was now long gone and replaced with a mischievous one.

“married?” kunhang exclaims, his voice so loud that the couple in the next booth turns over to look. thoroughly embarrassed, he presses the front of his cap down to hide his eyes. “how am i not the first person to know this, yukhei?”

yukhei sighs. where, and how, should he begin?

as he glares at ten who’s enjoying this a bit too much, you set your chopsticks down and hold your hand out to an eager kunhang, who marvels at the piece of jewellery on your ring finger up close.

“so?” ten lets out a cheeky, high-pitched giggle at the look yukhei gives him. “did you guys just come back from telling your fam the good news or…?”

yukhei grins devilishly as he picks up a bean sprout with his chopsticks, ready to fling it at ten, but you’re faster than him.

“we’re not—i mean, we’re getting married. eventually! not now, obviously.” you chuckle in a flustered manner.

we’re getting married.

yukhei’s heart flutters at that sentence. he wants to hear you say that again, wants to be the one to tell his friends that.

“you’ll be the first to know when we do.” yukhei adds, nudging kunhang’s foot underneath the table, earning an eye-roll from ten.

“well, you better.” kunhang quipped. “we’ve been talking about this for years now. it’s time you two quit playing and actually get it done.”

“ah, so this is a promise ring?” ten cuts in excitedly. it’s now his turn to examine the ring as kunhang gets back to his food. “it’s so pretty. it definitely suits you.”

“thanks,” you beam as you pull your hand back. “yukhei got it years ago but won’t tell me when or where. says it’s a secret.”

the two boys gawk at yukhei right away and he sighs, bracing himself for what’s to come.

“oh xuxi, you romantic baby!” ten teases, clearly having the time of his life making yukhei blush tonight.

“so this is what you were nervous about!” kunhang scoffs in disbelief before looking between you and ten. “we were on the train back to the city and he wouldn’t shut up about being nervous for some surprise plan. and he just wouldn’t tell me what!”

“oh my god, you guys are so cute. it’s gross.” ten shakes his head. “you’re lucky i love you both!”

yukhei smiles bashfully. he was a little embarrassed at first, but of course ten and kunhang had to make it worse. he wanted to pull his beanie over his entire face and ignore everything.

you’re awfully silent next to him as you glance between your food and your lap shyly, your hair shielding your face from everyone else. a warm rush of adoration washes over yukhei and he finds himself gently adjusting your hair, tugging a loose strand behind your ear.

“okay, that’s it.” kunhang groans, grabbing his bag and pretending to leave the table. “thanks for the meal, you guys.”

“you can’t just leave!” ten exclaims, reaching for his cup of tea. “you haven’t asked _____ for her friends’ numbers yet.”

kunhang stares at ten, his eyes widening and jaw dropping in horror before he starts bickering with him — a scene that has you bursting into laughter and yukhei reminiscing the good old days where the four of you would hang out at the mall for hours after class. kunhang was always so starstruck by the popular girls at your all-girls school though you weren’t close with any of them. nothing has really changed since you entered university.

“you told me to remind you!” ten retorts.

“not in front of everyone!” kunhang cries dramatically.

“dude. it’s literally just the four of us.” ten deadpans. “always has been.”

“anyway,” kunhang rolls his eyes as he turns to face you. “so, _____. any of your friends single again?”

you do your best to look sympathetic before shaking your head. yukhei splutters out a laugh while ten pats kunhang’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

“this would be a lot easier if you were, you know, into guys.”

yukhei’s first kiss with you was, for him, a long time coming.

it happened at the end of your fifth date, after a day spent at the park.

summer had fully transitioned into fall and the weather was cool enough for the two of you to set up a picnic at a sunny spot. everything was perfect — from the calming sounds of nature to the desserts you both brought to the cute dress you wore underneath your sweater that matched the greenery around you.

more than a month had passed since yukhei first met you. with every date, the urge to hold your hands when you walked around in public and to kiss you and finally know what your lips tasted like kept growing.

yukhei smiled as he watched you talk about your week even though he already heard these stories since you text each other so much. your words went in and out of his ears and it was hard for him to concentrate because all he could think of was whether you liked him too.

there were moments that made him consider it a possibility, like how you surprised him with his favourite snacks after one of his javelin practice sessions or the way you would smile when you caught him staring at your face.

he was torn between over-romanticising those moments and acknowledging them as the plain and simple fact that you liked him too.

he felt it again as the two of you watched the sun set and slowly sink into the horizon across the river, the sky dissolving into hues of orange.

the scene in front of him was majestic, but yukhei could only concentrate on how close to him you and him were. so close that your arms were brushing against each other’s, so close that you could rest your head on his shoulder if you leaned a little.

“i like this a lot.” you said out of the blue, your eyes still fixed on the sunset in the distance. you leaned back, anchoring your palms against the mat to make yourself comfortable.

“i like you a lot.”

yukhei couldn’t stop himself. those words had been kept inside him for too long.

silence hung in the air as your proximity grew tense. yukhei couldn’t see your face and he was starting to think that maybe it was for his own good. when he felt you sitting up straight and he held his breath, expecting the worst.

“i like you too.” your voice was barely audible and you sounded just as nervous as he did, but yukhei heard you loud and clear.

his eyes widened as he turned to you at the speed of light. you had been looking at him nervously but as soon as your eyes met, your gaze quickly flickered towards your hands that were fidgeting with the sleeve of your sweater.

“really?” yukhei placed his hand over yours, gently circling the back of it with his thumb. “you like me… in that way?”

“yeah.” you mumbled, resting your head in the nook between his neck and shoulder exactly how he had pictured in his mind earlier. “i like you. a lot.”

relief flooded yukhei’s veins and he could finally breathe hearing you say the words he had so badly wanted to hear. nothing else mattered in that moment, because all he could think of was you seeing him in the same light he saw you in.

and suddenly, everything made sense to him. how could he be so stupid, after all that had happened in the past few weeks? the way you’d remember the little details of things he told you and how you’d blush at his terrible pick-up lines? of course you liked him too.

“what are you thinking about?” you squeezed his hand as you pulled back to look at him.

your face had never been so close to his. yukhei could count your eyelashes and have a proper look at your lips that looked soft and velvety. everything about this moment made it impossible for him to ignore what he had been dreaming of doing.

“can i kiss you?” yukhei asked.

all he could remember was how your eyes lit up instantly, every trace of worry fading away as an innocent smile graced your face. then you leaned in and closed your eyes just as he did, your lips meeting in a long awaited kiss.

yukhei cupped the side of your face with one hand, his thumb drawing soothing circles over your cheekbones. he felt himself sink into the feeling of your fluffy lips moving languidly against his, the way they tasted sweet like the strawberry shortcakes you shared earlier.

it took everything in yukhei to not whine when you pulled away to catch your breath, even though the kiss was probably longer than it should have been. he could still feel the butterflies in stomach as you pressed your forehead against his and he didn’t want them to fade away so soon, so he spoiled you with a few chaste kisses in a row that left both your lips tingling by the end.

“been wanting to do that for a long time.” yukhei beamed.

he reached for your hand that had been on his knee and interlocked your fingers — a small gesture he could now make anytime he wanted, and that made him a very happy boy.

the sun was almost gone but even under the dim fluorescent lighting from the street lamps, yukhei could tell that you were flushing and giddy with affection like him. the golden hour casted a warm orange glow onto your skin and you couldn’t look more like the girl of his dreams.

“i know. me too.”

the butterflies in yukhei’s stomach fluttered wildly at the sound of your airy chuckle. there was nothing that could take away the smile on his face.

yukhei did not expect to wake up to the sight of you in nothing but his camo jacket.

the lack of body heat woke him up and he found himself once again lying alone in bed and wondering where you were — but all his thoughts flew out of the window when he heard the bedroom door creak and saw you stepping back in.

he had to blink a few times to make sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him and that you were indeed, dressed only in his camo army jacket.

you’re standing beforeyour dresser to examine the love mark yukhei branded on your neck the night before, oblivious to how he’s silently observing you and getting hard again.

there’s something about the way his jacket reaches your midthigh and teasingly moves upwards to offer him a glimpse of your ass each time you lifted your hands to run over your skin that turns him on so much. and he has seen you in his t-shirts and muscle tanks many times before, but none of that could compare to how you looked right now and he has no clue why so.

maybe it’s the consecutive months of being deprived of your touch and having to picture your body as he took cold showers to relieve himself on some mornings. but he doesn’t have to rely on his imagination now that you’re here, in front of him, like a present waiting to be unwrapped and appreciated.

yukhei lets out a whine that gets muffled into the pillow, but you hear it immediately and whirl around in surprise.

“hey.” you smile lazily as you make your way back to bed, landing on your knees and crawling towards him.

yukhei’s eyes are glued to the gap between his unbuttoned jacket, which hangs loose enough on your body to bless him with the sight of your cleavage, the smooth expanse of your body, and as he lowers his gaze — your core between your parted thighs.

he’s visibly infatuated, and you clearly don’t entertain that as you sit on where his crotch is beneath the sheets, lying down on him to give him a quick smooch. your lips are warm and taste like lemon, which tells yukhei you just had your morning mug of tea.

“morning,” yukhei mumbles, slipping a hand beneath his jacket to rest on your back. your skin is smooth and warm under his touch as always. “this looks so much better on you.”

“yeah?” you chuckle softly. “hope you don’t mind, it was cold.”

“i don’t mind it at all,” yukhei smiles, raising his other hand to cup your cheek affectionately. “but i need you.”

“need you to warm me up, baby.” he says, his voice deepening with the next sentence. “want you to ride me in this.”

you’re looking down at him in a hazy gaze when your breathing pauses. you don’t answer him with words — instead, you slot your lips between his, never pulling away as you get on your knees and pull the covers off.

yukhei sighs into the kiss at the feeling of his cock standing tall and unrestrained, desperately begging for your attention. he lets out a heavier sigh as your hand wraps around his hard length and starts stroking him with purpose.

“just like that.” he groans, his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as his hips start thrusting into your grip. you line his jaw with kisses, making him feel pampered and content.

“want you too.” you purr.

yukhei hears how needy you are and tightens his grip on your ass, but you’re already one step ahead of him. repositioning yourself, you let your slick folds slide against the length of his cock as you continue pumping him, lubricating him with your own arousal.

the room is filled with desperate sighs. you’re grinding your clit over his tip when it becomes all too much for yukhei, who wants to be deep inside you already.

“baby,” yukhei mutters, squeezing your ass cheeks which elicits a loud gasp from you. “need to be in you now. please.”

the urgency in his voice prompts you to lean forward and stable yourself with a hand pressed to his chest. yukhei watches you guide his cock towards your opening before sinking onto him in one go.

“fuck.” his throat goes dry at the feeling of your soaking walls enveloping all of him and his jaw slackens as he takes a few moments to appreciate how it feels to be buried in you.

“yukhei,” you whine. “it’s hot.”

he watches you shrug his jacket off, letting it hang past your shoulders in a teasing manner. at this point, he just wants to rip it off you. but all he manages is a guttural groan before running his hands up and down your thighs.

“you’re driving me insane, baby.”

you giggle softly at his words, the sound ringing in his ears and going straight to his cock.

“i love you.” you tell him sweetly and kiss him again. then you plant your hands flat against his lower abdomen where his abs are, lifting yourself off him until only his head is left stretching you open.

yukhei grunts when you drop back down slowly and start riding him at a hypnotic rhythm. he’s too overwhelmed to say a word, too entranced by your breathy moans and the lewd image of your chest rising and falling.

you’re clenching around him in such a delicious way that all he can do is knead your asscheeks with his large hands and let out deep “uh-uh-uh”s.

“fuck,” yukhei hisses as he watches you arch your back, moving you hips differently to get the perfect angle.

“let me take over, baby.”

yukhei plants his feet flat on the mattress just as he feels a familiar tight feeling in his balls. you oblige right away and collapse against him, ready for him to fuck you senseless.

pressed chest to chest, he grips onto your ass firmly as he starts pounding into you from below.

the scent of passion and desire wafted through the air. his cock leaves and enters you at a brutal pace, the sound of skin slapping only getting more erratic with your cries for his name right by his ear.

“yukhei…” you cry weakly as his tip nudges your sweet spot again and again.

“i’m here, baby. gonna come inside you, you want that?”

“y-yes. miss you filling me up.”

yukhei curses, and you reach your high just seconds before he does. your entire body shakes in pleasure before he comes into you, flooding your insides with his warm release. he groans as you ride out your high and roll your hips, the feeling of you being warm and full all too heavenly.

after a short while of nothing but heavy breathing as the both of you succumb to a blissful state, yukhei removes the jacket hanging off your elbows and rolls you over with his softening cock still snug in you. he hums in satisfaction, nuzzling his face against your neck as your fingers comb through his hair.

“i love you.” yukhei sighs contentedly. “didn’t get to say it back just now.”

he hears you hum softly and feels a peck on his forehead. when he gains the energy to pull back and look at you, he finds your eyes already on him, half-open in adoration.

“i’ll clean us up, okay?” yukhei asks softly, his elbows pressing against the mattress as he moves to get up. he’s sure there’s already a mess on your sheets.

“no, don’t go.” you murmured, tightening your thighs around his hips in an attempt to lock him in place. you end up pushing him deeper into you instead, making him hiss. “stay like this for a bit.”

yukhei notes the clinginess in your voice and the way your hands trace love patterns along the curves of his back. he lies back down, joining your lips in a deep kiss.

“i’m not going anywhere.”

it’s so easy for him to do whatever you say, he realises. you have him wrapped around your finger because you’re just as clingy as he is — and only he gets to see that side of you.

yukhei had sex with you for the first time in a hotel overlooking the ocean.

it had been his first holiday with you. every december, yukhei would fly back to his mum’s hometown in thailand with his family to visit his relatives — that wasn’t anything new. what was new though, was you tagging along after his mum had enthusiastically asked you to join them.

the week-long trip was the most fun yukhei had in years. minus the shy introductions and teasing from his relatives who were overjoyed to finally meet his pretty girlfriend whom they’ve heard much about over phone calls, it was like a mini honeymoon for the two of you.

after catching up with his cousins in the first half of the trip, yukhei spent all the other days ‘having fun by yourselves’ as his mum had insisted. you ended up exploring the coastal town, hanging out at the beach, and eating the local food to your heart’s content.

the highlight of the trip for yukhei though, was finally being able to make love to you. the resort stay was a godsend opportunity after the many interruptions during your steamy makeout sessions in yukhei’s tiny bedroom. it was the perfect time and place that you both needed.

yukhei swore you were a goddess as you laid on the bed with your legs spread out, your hair fanned out against the pillows, patiently waiting for him to put the condom on.

it was his first time seeing all of you, your curves and body marks displayed to him like a work of art in a museum. he couldn’t look away, couldn’t ignore how rosy your face was from coming apart on his fingers just minutes earlier.

“is this okay?” yukhei asked tenderly, pausing when he stretched you out halfway. “can i go deeper, baby?”

you nodded fervently though the tense look on your face made yukhei unsure. he really wanted you to enjoy this too. sensing his hesitation, you pulled him down for a deep kiss.

“so tight, fuck—” yukhei mumbles against your lips as he pushed himself further into you, his hands caressing the underside of your thighs.

yukhei sighed, the pressure to not come quickly making him slightly nervous. it was difficult not to when your walls were warm and hugging his cock like a glove, letting him experience euphoria like never before.

“beautiful.” his voice gentle as he gave you an open-mouthed kiss. “all mine.”

as soon as you signalled for him to move, yukhei took charge, thrusting into you slowly as he gauged your reaction. his pace quickened after a while a combination of sighs and moans spilled from your mouth. your neck arched against the pillows, presenting him with the perfect location for a love mark.

but yukhei was distracted. he couldn’t take his eyes off your soaking core, couldn’t get over the way you stretched open to welcome him each time his cock slid all the way back in. he had seen his fingers disappear in you before so many times, but this image was incomparable.

“so deep,” you said breathlessly, your fingernails digging crescent moons into his back.

yukhei looked at you. from the hair that stuck to the side of your neck to your lashes fluttered shut in pleasure, you were a sight to behold.

“yeah?” he kissed you sloppily. “does it feel good?”

“yes—oh!” you whimpered just as yukhei’s fingertips landed on the sensitive bundle of nerves right above where you and him were connected.

he drew circles on it with his thumb, groaning when you clenched around him. “you feel so good around me too, baby. you’re doing so well.”

yukhei’s thrusts grew uneven as he coaxed you into your orgasm. by the time he shot his release into the rubber, you came undone beneath him too, crying out in rapture one last time as your thighs shook intensely.

a moment of silence hung in the air as your pants slowly faded into deep and slow inhalations. seeing you come all over him, because of him, gave yukhei’s ego a huge boost. it didn’t help that you were trembling in sensitivity while he cleaned you up as gently as he could and muttered praises into your ear.

“yukhei,” you called him softly and he halted his movements, worried that he had accidentally hurt you.

“i don’t know if i can go out tomorrow.” you mumbled, covering your eyes with the back of your hand.

yukhei instantly relaxed, a smirk taking over his face as he threw the wet wipes aside. “we don’t have to go out, but i can carry you wherever you like.”

when you didn’t respond, he crawled over you and pulled your hand away. you avoided his gaze, looking at his chest instead.

“i’m serious, baby.” yukhei tilted your chin up and looked into your eyes as genuinely as he could. “we can stay in all day if you want.”

“okay. sounds nice.” your hand quickly hovered over your face again.

the smirk on yukhei’s face softened into a smile. it was amusing and adorable to him, how you could still be this shy after the night’s events. he felt as if he was in heaven and within the next second, he was placing kisses everywhere on your face but your lips. when you broke into a fit of giggles, yukhei couldn’t help but keep going. he finally stopped when your hands framed his jaw, guiding his plump lips back to yours for a short, innocent kiss.

“thank you for being so patient with me tonight.” you paused, swallowing a lump down your throat. “it was nice even though i’m a little sore now.”

yukhei’s heart grew three times at your words.

“is that all? just nice?” he smirked.

you pinched his bicep playfully and hid your face again, muttering something about him being so annoying.

“i’m playing with you,” yukhei giggled, pretty sure he had hearts in his eyes as he looked at you. “love seeing you get all shy for me like this.” and with that, he pulled your hands apart and trapped them against the pillows.

just as he was about to kiss away the pout on your lips, the sound of a door slamming shut thundered down the hallway and echoed in the room, sending both of you into speechlessness.

yukhei put his boxers on hurriedly, rushing to the balcony and sighing in relief when he noticed the lights in the next room a distance away had just turned on — a sign that his parents, who had been out the entire evening, have just gotten back. at that moment, he couldn’t be more thankful that his plans for the night turned out well. he wouldn’t know how to face his parents if they overheard him and you, and just the sheer thought of it brought goosebumps to his arms.

“are they back?” you asked nervously, pulling the covers up to your chin.

yukhei nodded, turning the bedside lamp off before cuddling up to you. “we have to be quiet.”

“oh, we will be.” you yawned, making him smile and hug you more tightly. you responded by wiggling around in his embrace. “yukhei, i’m sticky.”

“don’t care.” he whispered against your skin. “just wanna hold my baby like this.”

after a few more indulgent kisses and sweet nothings were exchanged under the moonlight, you dozed off in each other’s arms.

the next morning, yukhei woke up to the sound of waves crashing onto the shore. you were already awake and sitting up with the covers wrapped around you as you silently admired the swaying palm trees outside. yukhei sat up sluggishly, planting a kiss on your shoulder.

you turned around to return a kiss to his lips, eyes still closed when you pulled away, the intimacy of last night clearly still in the air. you opened your eyes, looking completely lost in him just like he was in you.

“good morning to you too.”

the rest of the day was slow and relaxed. you both agreed to stay in the resort, and so the afternoon flew by as you lounged by the pool and dined at the restaurant next to the beach. safe to say, the sight of you in a bikini all day led to another intimate, even raunchier night.

yukhei thinks he’s ready to move in with you.

maybe it sounds a little impulsive. but that’s because there haven’t been a lot of opportunities for the two of you to live together, with yukhei studying at another university and you living in a shared apartment over the past few years.

but staying at your apartment over these few days has given yukhei a sneak peek of life under the same roof as you, and he loves it so much that he wants to be done with his enlistment duties and fast forward to the part where he gets to share a home with you already.

yukhei wants to wake up past noon on weekends and whip up a hearty brunch with you, wants to spend the rest of the day helping you with mundane tasks like laundry and watering all your plants.

yukhei wants to be there for you on days where you’re exhausted from grad school life, when you turn down his pleas for you to take a break despite being drained from staring at your laptop screen. but he’ll massage your tensed shoulders, take your glasses off, and pull you to bed where you doze off to his soothing back rubs and soft praises of how proud of you he is and how well you’re doing.

he craves that kind of domesticity even right now as you lay on top of him, your limbs entangled comfortably and your cheek squished against his chest while your eyes are glued to the great gatsby playing on the tv.

there aren’t any plans to go out today due to the simple fact that you were both too lazy to get dressed and leave the house unless it’s for food. and probably because, though you wouldn’t admit it openly, you want him all to yourself — which is fine because yukhei feels the exact same towards you.

the living room is hushed as you and him watch a drenched gatsby reunite with daisy in a lavishly decorated flower-filled cottage. you sit up just as the scene ends, elbowing the couch as you rest your chin on your palm.

“why are you looking at me like that?” yukhei asks. there’s an unsure look on your face that he can’t quite read.

“i think i remember.” you hold your other hand up, flashing the ring that has been making you so happy. “thailand?”

yukhei grins brightly, the top row of his teeth showing. he nods proudly, taking your hand in his to look at the ring — a thin gold band with a pale blue sapphire — and admire the way it gleams in the afternoon sunlight.

it’s just as beautiful as the first time he saw it in that gift shop in thailand.

yukhei remembers that day vividly. it was the last day of the trip, and both of you were shopping around for souvenirs for your friends back home. he caught you admiring a few vintage jewellery pieces by yourself as he stood in the corner of one of the many shops you stepped into that day, pretending to be interested in some touristy postcards. though it didn’t seem like much to him at first, he later noticed that you picked up the same ring a few times, looking back at it even as you walked away.

eventually, thanks to what he could say in his broken thai, he managed to charm the shop owner into reserving that very ring for him. yukhei secretly returned for them while you thought you were waiting for him to be done in the bathroom at a cafe. he felt a little bad at first, but he knew it had to be done or else he’d regret it so much in the years to come.

yukhei always imagined what the ring would look like on your finger. its design enthralled him when he first examined it up close and he quickly understood why you took such a liking to it — after all, anything vintage was right up your alley. little did he know it would look even more beautiful sitting on your ring finger.

“oh my god.” you let out a huff of disbelief as soon as he finishes explaining everything.

you’re speechless as your eyes flick back and forth between the ring and the coy look on yukhei’s face. this is the reaction he has been waiting for.

“yukhei.” your voice is fragile, like you’re about to cry any moment.

the smirk on yukhei’s face drops immediately. he does not like hearing his name from you like that.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing,” you smile weakly, quickly brushing away the tears that escaped your eyes with the back of your hand. “i just love you so much.”

“and i’m going to miss you. a lot.” you continue before he gets to reply. “every day. all over again. i miss you already.”

“oh, baby.” yukhei croons as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you down for a tight hug. he rubs your back, feeling helpless at the sound of your sniffles.

yukhei knew this would happen. of course he did. he’s struggling just as much as you are to ignore the impending distance you’ll both have to deal with again — maybe that’s why he was clinging onto the idea of a future with you so tightly.

“we’ve talked about this. the sooner the better, right? ” yukhei says sadly, finding it hard to agree with himself.

“i know, i’m just being emotional again. i’m sorry.” you chuckle unhumorously. “i didn’t think i’d get to see you before the year ends, you know? but you came back. you’re actually here and i’m so happy.”

“and,” you prop your arm up on his chest, the promise ring once again in yukhei’s view. a moment passes as the two of you stare at it — the symbol of your love and future.

“i love you so much. i want to live the rest of my life with you, like the past few days.” you say resolutely.

yukhei is overwhelmed with happiness, love, and nostalgia all at once. suddenly he’s transported back to that park where you first kissed as teenagers, where he first found out that you liked him too. but loving someone and knowing that they love you back so much so that they want to be with you forever is something so much more special. it’s a privilege yukhei never thought he’d have.

and now, he does. as he looks into your eyes, he realises that you’ve blessed him with that privilege, and that you’re truly the best thing that has ever happened to him.

yukhei finds himself unable to express in words just how he feels at this moment. so he shifts your bodies around until you’re lying side by side, until all he sees is your face up close. he cups your tear-streaked cheeks before softly brushing his lips against yours, sinking in the warmth that blossoms in his chest.

“i love you.” he says delicately when he pulls away, tugging a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “i’m so glad the universe chose you for me.”

the fond smile on your face falters as a tear rolls down your cheek and your bottom lip begin to quiver, the violins playing in the long-forgotten movie adding more melancholy than needed to this moment.

yukhei’s heart breaks as he watches you avoid his gaze and desperately blink away the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. but he knows that you two will make it, that the distance is merely temporary. and he knows you know it too. what you and him have is so strong.

“hey, look at me.” he whispers.

you turn towards him, your eyes curiously examining his face.

“i’m gonna come home. to you.” yukhei places a kiss on your forehead. “and it won’t be long. think about it baby, i’ll be out this time next year and we could be living together by then.”

“i can’t wait for that.”

“me too. you’ll get to wake up next to me everyday, but you’ll have to teach me how to not burn our pancakes for breakfast until they’re perfect.”

at last, the corners of your lips twitch and you chuckle into the sleeve of your sweater.

“how does that sound?”

“waking up to you everyday or the pancakes?”

“me coming home. and us living together.”

“like a dream come true.”

a moment passes as you smile at each other in a placid silence.

yukhei cups the side of your face with one hand, brushing over your cheekbone and memorising every little detail that adorned your face and made him feel at home no matter where he is. you lean into his touch, reveling in the warmth of his palm.

the fact that he only has one more day until he will have to wait months before he gets to be with you like this again makes his heart swell in longing. so he holds you close, enjoying the moment while he still can.

the first time yukhei told you he loved you, it was an accident — not really.

that morning, he was awoken by a ball of fur nuzzling against his bare shoulder.

he opened his eyes, looking around the room for a good minute before spotting a familiar siamese cat that was perched at the foot of the bed and observing him with its soft gloomy eyes like it had been waiting for him to wake up for the longest time.

“good morning, louis.”

the cat meowed once as if announcing its disappointment in yukhei before hopping off the bed and making its grand exit by squeezing through the slim door gap.

yukhei shrugged, reaching for his phone that had been charging on the nightstand right by the bed. a quick look at the time and date on his lock screen refreshed his memory, vaguely reminding him of the events of the night before.

he crashed against the mattress and let out a muffled groan into the pillows, shuddering at the thought of how much alcohol he had downed. he was absolutely regretting his idea of not having a birthday party, but instead an entire night of drinking to celebrate turning his legal age.

his final hours of being seventeen were fun, though. ten, kunhang, and a couple of other friends brought him to an upscale steakhouse located in the city’s nightlife district. but like every other boys’ night out, the night eventually descended into borderline chaos. in last night’s case, they went through too many rounds of drinking games and yukhei soon came to the realisation that he was the type to get all giggly and sappy when intoxicated.

yukhei threw the covers over himself and ignored the dryness in his throat, ready to slip back into slumber but he couldn’t. something felt off. he grabbed his phone again and there you were, smiling back at him in his lockscreen wallpaper.

oh no.

flashbacks of how he had asked for you last night and proudly claimed that you were “the one” for him came running back to him. he quickly unlocked his phone, checking his text messages.

[to: ♥][sent at 1:55AM]

hey baaby

baby

i miss u ;(

ii'm still with ten and. kunhang

he mahde me drink so muhch hheheehe

babyy reply me plz

i can seee u readin all of thiks :(

i miss You

[from: ♥][sent at 1:56AM]

oh my god yukhei

are you okay?

wru now???

[to: ♥][sent at 1:58AM]

hi bab

im OK

at tens place now…

he has 2 catss. theyre so Cute

anyway

i need to tell u sometxhing

its rneally imbportant

and that is i love u

u make me so happi

u r so pretttyjf n soooo smart

ur alsoreally kind.. lwiterally an angel

hdeheheheheheee

im so lucky to be youre boyfrjend

becayuse i get to see Ur smile everyyday. hold your hand whenegver i want

onlyi can call u Baby

did u know ?

i bet u djd not ;)

i l o v e LOVE you

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[incoming call from: ♥]

declined.

[incoming call from: ♥]

declined.

[from: ♥][sent at 2:00AM]

why aren’t you picking up yukhei

you’re making me worried now

are you okay :(

[to: ♥][sent at 2:15AM]

hey _____, ten here. don’t worry about xuxi! he just passed out on my couch.

[attachment: 1 image]

i’m just gonna let him crash here tonight since my parents aren’t back anyway. feel free to pop by in the morning btw, i think he would be really happy. and sorry for texting you at this hour!! goodnight :D

yukhei stared at his phone screen blankly, the jumbled letters of his drunk texts burning into his eyes. there was also that picture of him sprawled across the leather couch in ten’s living room in deep slumber, with his shirt completely unbuttoned and a party hat strapped to his forehead like a unicorn.

“morning, birthday boy.”

yukhei’s heart jumped. he jammed his thumb against the button on the side of his phone, turning around to find ten’s head poking out of the door.

“how are you feeling?” ten asked. yukhei sat up immediately when he saw a glass of water in his friend’s hand. “like shit, i’m guessing.”

ten sat himself down at the foot of the bed, handing the water to an eager yukhei who gulps it all at one go.

“close enough. i feel like i’ve been run over by a bus.” yukhei replied, coughing to clear the raspiness in his voice.

ten hummed. “well, your girl came over with a lot of food. i think you’ll feel better after eating.”

yukhei’s eyes widened, his voice lowering into a whisper. “she’s here? now?”

“sort of. she went out to get coffee with guanheng but they should be back soon.” ten narrowed his eyes at yukhei, trying to read the look on his face. “what’s wrong?”

“nothing.”

“uh huh.” ten snorted. “you suck at lying.”

“okay, fine. i might have spammed her with some texts last night while i was wasted.”

“oh yeah, i saw those. you were crying for her for at least thirty minutes last night by the way.”

“fuck.” yukhei let out a groan. “let’s not talk about that. not now please, ten-ge.”

“okay, okay.” ten smirked. “only because it’s your birthday. now, continue.”

“i told her i love her. like, love love her.”

“oh.” ten paused, his expression fading into one of confusion. “wait, i don’t get it. is that a bad thing?”

“no, no. it’s not.” yukhei cut in quickly, glancing at the door every few seconds nervously. “it’s just—i haven’t told her that before!” he whisper-shouted.

“i don’t know how she reacted to it! what if she doesn’t feel the same?”

ten burst into laughter right away, his eyes squinting into crescents. “oh, xuxi. you’re so cute when you’re in love, you know?”

“i really don’t think you have to worry about her not feeling the same. but i do think you should go tell her in person soon.”

yukhei blinked, relaxing a little when he realised that ten was probably right. the older male grinned, ruffling yukhei’s bed hair playfully before leaving the room.

in less than five minutes the door swung open again, and yukhei tensed a little when he saw you, almost as if he had seen a ghost. he didn’t realise you were back already and had been planning to sit in anxiety by himself for thirty more minutes.

“you okay?” you chuckled as you walked over and sat next to him.

yukhei hummed as you cradled the side of his face with one hand, your thumb smoothing away the drool crust on the corner of his lips that he didn’t even realise had been there.

“someone clearly had a lot of fun last night.”

yukhei’s lips curled into a silly, crooked smile as you crossed your arms and pouted. your attempt at guilt-tripping him had failed completely, it endeared you instead and suddenly he felt like his drunk self bombarding you with all those confessions last night.

your lips eventually cracked into a huge grin. you threw your arms around his shoulders, doing your best to engulf his big frame in a tight hug which made yukhei chuckle. he loved it whenever you hugged him like that or let him be the small spoon when you cuddled.

“happy birthday bub.” you coo dearly, giving each of his cheeks a loud smooch which made his face scrunch up adorably. “are you sure you’re okay?”

“thank you, baby.” yukhei smiled, his mind completely free from his worries already. “i’m okay, just a little hungry.”

“well, it just so happens that there are loads of yummy things waiting outside. maybe even some of your favourite desserts.” you smirked enticingly as you grabbed his hand and stood up. “c’mon, let’s go eat.”

“wait.” yukhei’s breathing stuttered, pulling you back quickly. “i need to tell you something.”

you moved into the spot between his legs, waiting for him to say something as your hands hung in the air intertwined.

“what is it?” you asked.

yukhei looked up at you, taking in the curious smile on your face. it brought so much joy and warmth to his life and he could never get tired of seeing that.

“i love you.” yukhei said, each word rolling off his tongue so naturally. “all those texts i sent you last night? i meant every single word. i love you, _____.”

your eyes were glossy as you relaxed a little, sinking into his touch when he clasped his arms around your thighs to pull you closer. yukhei could tell you were recalling all those cheesy texts as you bit your lip shyly.

he closed his eyes just as you bent down to slot your lips against his in the most delicate way possible before whispering those three words back, as if they were only for him to hear.

“i love you too, yukhei. you make me so happy.”

“say it again.” yukhei asked, his voice laced with desperation even though he knew it was the first of many ‘i love you’s to come.

your cheek was soft and warm in the palm of his hand. you grinned, closing the distance between your lips once more.

“i love you.”

it was the best birthday gift yukhei had ever received.

as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end.

in yukhei’s case, the past five days have flown by quickly and alas, it is the penultimate day of his short vacation.

but he’s more than satisfied with how the week has gone by despite how short it felt. he managed to visit his family, catch up with his closest friends, recover all the hours of sleep he had lost while on duty, and most importantly, be around you literally every day of this vacation so far. he woke up and slept next to you, cooked and ate all his favourite foods with you, and interrupted every other activity with sex and cuddling sessions — and he wouldn’t have it any other way. just looking back on those moments brought a smile to his face.

his thoughts are interrupted when the door to your bedroom opens and you walk in with a small stack of laundry in one hand.

”thank you baby.” he says, taking the clothes he had worn in the past few days, that are now clean, from you. they’re still warm from being fresh out of the dryer, and he gets a whiff of roses when he holds them under his nose.

“you’re very welcome.” you plop down right next to where he had been sitting cross-legged on the floor, packing his belongings.

as yukhei stuffs his sneakers deep into the bottom of his haversack, you look at all his other things that have been laid out neatly, side-by-side, on your bedroom rug. he doesn’t pay much attention as you pick up his wallet and entertain yourself with its contents.

“is this what i think it is?”

you ask, pulling out a small folded piece of paper that was stuffed into one of the card compartments. the look of curiosity on your face morphs into one of surprise as soon as you unfold it completely and realise what it is.

“you keep this in your wallet?”

it’s one of the few handwritten letters you mailed to him during his first month in camp when he, like every one of his teammates, had zero access to their phones and gadgets.

yukhei still remembers how tough that period of time was. being thrown into a whole new environment and expected to adjust to a lifestyle that was the complete opposite of university life was not easy at all. not only was his freedom snatched away, he had to deal with a long list of strict rules and responsibilities dumped onto him. and as if all that wasn’t enough, he had to witness his newly-made friends live through the countless military break-up horror stories he heard from his seniors.

it was a lot, but he got through each day thanks to the camaraderie he shared with his team and those letters you had mailed him, since they were the only form of communication he had with you.

“yeah. it got me through some tough times, you know.” yukhei admits, watching you read through your own words.

each letter was detailed with updates on your life and things his mum told you to convey to him. they all ended with a short paragraph of best wishes and sweet words which yukhei appreciated very much because he was absolutely sick of hearing about duty and honour.

yukhei had no idea he was so sentimental. he’d reread those letters in your voice, stare at your handwriting, and hold it up to his nose to get the faint scent of your perfume. it was like a piece of you — which was what he needed to fight the homesickness gnawing at him.

“maybe you should write to me.” you mumble, refusing to look at him as you slid the letter back into his wallet. “i mean, if you’re not too busy. i would love getting mail from you even though we can text and facetime now.”

“i’ll try to, baby.” yukhei smirks. “my good morning and goodnight texts not enough for you?”

“no,” you drawl, rolling your eyes playfully. “i love waking up to a bunch of heart and rose emojis.”

yukhei laughs, going back to packing his things while you roll his clothes into bundles that would help him save space. after a short while of teamwork between you two, his haversack is stuffed and he’s done.

“don’t forget these,” you hand him his leather glasses case that had been sitting on your bedside table. then you’re on your feet, pacing around the room as your eyes scan every inch of the space, looking out for anything he might’ve missed.

“i’ve looked everywhere earlier.” yukhei tells you before getting on his feet too. he stretches his arms high above him and lets out a silent yawn. “i think that’s it.”

“okay.” you answer in a small voice.

now that you’re done helping him pack, there’s just one last thing left to do and it just happens to be the hardest task of all — you’ll have to say goodbye to him this time, tomorrow, at the train station.

that realisation settles between the two of you, once again compelling yukhei to make the most out of the time he has left. with a sad smile he holds his arms out, instantly drawing you into his embrace like a moth of a flame. you squish your cheek against him, hands locked behind his back as he hugs you warm and securely.

“you need to stop working out so much, your abs are hard enough.” your voice comes out slightly muffled. “by the time you’re out, i’m gonna be hugging a rock.”

yukhei grins at your words, bursting into full-blown giggles when your fingers poke into his sides and smooth across his tummy. the faint muscle lines that were there before he enlisted were now more defined, some even visible through the cotton fabric of his t-shirt.

“you say that like i have a choice, baby.” he replies. “i can’t just sit aside while everyone else does seventy push-ups and ten laps around the field.”

you let out a disgruntled noise and hugged him even tighter, as if you were trying to mold your body into his.

“and you like it. admit it.” yukhei teases.

“i do.” you murmur. “you smell so good, by the way.”

yukhei giggles at how quickly you switched the topic.

“it’s that detergent you’re using. i wish my clothes smelled this nice when i’m there.”

“i’m talking about you, bub. the way you smell. my hoodie doesn’t smell like that anymore.”

“the way i smell?” yukhei laughs. “and i think you mean my hoodie.”

“it’s been mine for a while now.”

“well, wanna give it back to me? since it lost its purpose.”

“okay. i’ll trade it for this shirt.”

you tug on the hem of his shirt as you look up at him, eagerly waiting for his response. it’s moments like this where yukhei wonders if you know you have him in the palm of your hand.

“whatever you want, baby. i’ll give it to you.”

the lovestruck smile on his face widens as he places a kiss on your forehead, drawing circles on your back.

“can i have it now then?” you ask innocently, but yukhei’s ears pick up the hint of playfulness in your tone.

“right now?” he asks.

“yeah. what’s stopping you?”

“oh, i’ll give it to you now.” yukhei tells you lowly.

the cheeky smile on your face morphs into an ‘o’ shape as his grip on your waist tightens, guiding you towards the bed where you both crash against the mattress. there’s a moment of silence as he hovers over you, suavely tugging his shirt off with one hand and dropping the crumpled fabric next to your face.

“thanks.” you whisper.

it’s hard to ignore the way your core is perfectly aligned with his when you’re lying underneath him in a hoodie and a pair of grey boyshorts that have been testing his patience for a while now.

yukhei runs his hands up your thighs to your sides, bunching the hoodie up to your chest. wet open-mouthed kisses are left all over the smooth expanse of your tummy and he takes delight in how hard you’re breathing.

“it’s no problem, baby.” he replies nonchalantly, his fingers pulling at the waistband of your boyshorts. “anything else you want before i take this off?”

you shake your head and shoot him a silly smile, and it’s all yukhei can remember before he embarks on yet another mission to please you with his mouth. then he makes love to you again, his warm touch roaming every inch of your body which he memorises to perfection.

later, when you��re both sated and holding onto each other like two long-lost lovers, yukhei dreams of you again. this time, he’s hiding another velvet box in an even bigger bouquet of roses as he sits nervously in a dimly lit living room, waiting to surprise you when you get home.

the thought of you being his forever is enough to make him smile in reality, enough to push him through the upcoming months of separation. yukhei was more than ready to be done with that.

it’s only been a minute since you’ve gotten home but the place already feels too big for one person — which is laughable because your apartment isn’t even that huge to begin with. now that yukhei is gone, it feels as if life has been sucked out of these four walls. it has reverted back to nothing more than a roof over your head and a living space for one.

after hanging your coat up and stepping out of your shoes, you stroll to the kitchen and lean against the counter, staring into thin air with the refrigerator whirring softly behind you.

even though it’s only three in the afternoon, it has been an awfully long day for you. the few hours you spent outside drained you and all you did was sit at a restaurant with yukhei and his family for one last meal before sending him off at the train terminal.

the meal was nice and the send-off was not as bad as you thought it would be. but it was still an emotional farewell and you shed a few tears despite it being nowhere as difficult as the first time he had to leave you.

you and yukhei stood at the train platform hand in hand until the train finally arrived and came to a stop in front of everyone.

you let ten and kun attack your boyfriend with their bro hugs first, followed by mrs wong who affectionately caressed her son’s face and repeated her fifth “take care of yourself, my little soldier boy” of the day, and lastly, a less-emotional mr wong who gave his son a few encouraging pats on the back.

looking around, you were filled with dread as you watched the same thing happen with every other soldier who was hugging their loved ones and waving goodbye to them.

when everyone left and when it was just you and him again, yukhei instantly pulled you into his arms, clearly just as reluctant as you are to face this moment.

this was it.

he pulled back, cupping your cheeks and smiling at you forlornly. you stared back at him, taking in how smart he looked in his uniform and the beret framing his beautifully sunkissed face, and mustered all the strength in you to not cry.

it was impossible. tears swelled in your eyes within seconds and you couldn’t help it, the harder you tried to force them away, the more they wanted to spill out. you silently chided yourself for how naive you were to have wished for a tear-free farewell.

“don’t cry, baby.” yukhei pleaded softly, his big eyes looking watery too. “remember what i said?”

you swiped your tears away with the sleeve of your turtleneck and nodded frantically, not trusting your voice at the moment.

“i’m gonna come home to you. we’re going to live our lives together.”

his voice was soft yet grounded with conviction, calming you down instantly and offering you the consolation you needed.

“i’ll be waiting for you.” your voice croaked and you rolled your eyes at how pathetic it sounded.

“i know you’ll be.” yukhei smiled, gently stroking your back. “and you’ll be getting your first letter really soon, i promise.”

“something else i get to look forward to.”

you tightened your arms around him, closing your eyes to really savour what it felt like to be in his arms one last time before forcing yourself to let go.

yukhei interlocked your hand with his, pressing a kiss to the back of it and stealing a glance at your favourite ring.

“i love you so much.” you said, adjusting the collar of his uniform thoughtfully. “eat well and be safe, okay? don’t worry about me. you know you can call me—”

he intercepted you with a long kiss to your lips, letting go only when you pinched his arm. unlike him, you weren’t bold enough to be this affectionate in public.

“i will.” yukhei answered breathlessly. “promise me you’ll sleep early and not overwork yourself while i’m away. i need you to take care of yourself too.”

“i promise.” you mumbled, locking your pinky with his as you looked around anxiously. “you should get going now. don’t want you missing your train.”

he squeezed your hand to bring your attention back to him. “i love you.”

“love you too.”

and with a final kiss to your lips, his hand loosened from yours, reaching for his haversack on the ground and swinging it over his shoulder in one go.

“text me once you’ve settled down?”

“i will, baby.”

after one last peck to your forehead, he turned around and trudged towards the edge of the train platform, where kunhang had been taking pictures with his sisters while waiting. you stood rooted to the ground as you watched your boyfriend’s figure become smaller, waving at him when he turned around to look at you one final time before getting onto the train.

ten and kun kindly gave you a lift home afterwards. you nearly teared up again when you walked past the parking lot and spotted the two of them patiently waiting for you in the comfort of their heated car. on the way home, they even made dinner plans and insisted you didn’t spend the rest of the day alone — which you were extremely grateful for.

you still have a few hours to yourself before meeting them, and it dawns on you that you should probably take a short nap after the sad amount of sleep you got last night. so you force yourself to stop moping and drag yourself to your bedroom to find a comfy set of clothes.

you spend what feels like hours under the hot shower that by the time you step out of the steamy bathroom, the skin of your fingers are wrinkly. just as you start combing your hair, your phone buzzes, its screen lighting up to show you a single notification.

you whisk it off the table, gaping at the sight of yukhei’s name staring back at you.

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:10PM]

hey baby i miss you ♥

[to: yukhei][sent at 4:10PM]

miss you too :(

you guys back there already?

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

we’re still on the train

i didn’t get to nap. kunhang snored so loudly :(

[to: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

poor baby…

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

it’s fine

your boyfriend is a strong man. a day without a nap is nothing :D

you snort at his reply. the typing icon appears next to his name so you wait for his next text.

[from: yukhei][sent as 4:12PM]

anyway, i left a surprise in your desk drawer for you

i think you already know what it is ;)

you don’t.

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:12PM]

i hope you like it baby ♥

you never know what to expect from yukhei because he’s always surprising you with the sweetest, most meaningful gestures. even the story behind your promise ring has you in wonder still. when you pull open the drawer and realise just what he had left for you, a huge grin spreads across your face and you take a second to appreciate the sight of it. he was truly something else.

there, carefully placed on top of the paperwork you had kept in the drawer, is an envelope with your name on it.

“yeah. you’ll be getting your first letter really soon, i promise.”

you reach for it, immediately peeping inside when you notice it’s unsealed. there was indeed a letter as yukhei had promised. you recognize the lined paper that he clearly tore off from one of your notebooks and assume he wrote this secretly while you were sleeping. the mental image of that melts your heart.

to _____, my favourite girl in the world.

i have been staring at this blank piece of paper for ten minutes now while you’re sleeping so peacefully. i still don’t know what i should write for my first letter, so here’s an old-fashioned love letter from your admirer for life, your boyfriend, and your future husband: me <3

you giggle to yourself like an idiot. it’s funny how a single paragraph could switch your mood instantly, how yukhei manages to make you happy even though he’s so far away now.

was that too cheesy? i’m sorry. you know i’m not a poetic person even though i wish i am. you’ll probably laugh as you read on but that’s okay, because i want you to be happy whenever you read this.

so where should i begin?

how about the first time we met? when i saw you sitting at the back of mum’s restaurant, i had butterflies in my stomach (is this how that phrase goes?) and quickly hid in the kitchen. do you remember?

the smile on your face grew as you continued reading yukhei’s letter. it spoke of the vivid details of all your firsts in your relationship, of the little habits you have that he adores. of the warmth and safeness he feels when he’s around you, of how in awe and inspired he is by you — and how lucky he is to get to experience all that for the past few years and hopefully, the rest of his life.

by the time you reach the end, you’re laughing and crying. you miss him so much.

i love you, _____. nothing else matters. you’re the light of my life and i hope i can keep making you feel the way you make me feel: safe, happy, and loved.

until we meet again,

wong yukhei

p.s. i hope you’re not crying. and if you are i really hope it’s because i made you laugh too much.

you reread the letter again, letting his voice linger in your head for a bit because you’re not ready to let it go yet. then you laid on the bed for a good fifteen minutes as you stared at the ceiling with his letter clasped to your chest, yearning for his presence all over again.

it’s going to be fine, you tell yourself. you can handle a few months without him. after all, you already have. and he’s never completely away from you, you realise, as you hold your hand up and admire the gorgeous ring shining in the afternoon sunlight.

for now, that’ll do.

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blush-and-books · 4 years ago

Text

i see you in the daytime (and i hear you at night)

collaboration with the magnificent @lydias--stiles - and when i say collaboration i mean collaboration. we both fully wrote parts of this.

angsty/emotional juke one shot based off of the song “amen” by amber run. get your tissues. we have no regrets

"Jules!" he screams. "I don't care that I'm dead! I'm with you!"

Tears pour down her face.

"You should care! You shouldn't- you should want to cross over, Luke."

"Julie, its- it's going to be fine. We'll figure out a way to not cross over, we'll stay-"

"No!" Her voice rattles with sobs - she just doesn't want to be here anymore. She hates this situation. She hates the universe for doing this to her, to them, to everyone. "No, Luke, you have to cross over. I cant hold you back from that."

"But I want to be here. With you."

She doesn't mean to say it out loud when she thinks it. It’s not one of those thoughts designed to be vocalized - it pops in, gets scolded and cowers away. But not now. She’s not strong enough. "Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I was dead," she whimpers. "At least then I'd be with you."

Luke falls silent in horror, jaw slack and eyes like saucers. The words are like a sledgehammer to a mirror, shattering the perfect illusion they've created for two years straight. It’s true. Sometimes, late at night, when nothing can distract her, Julie wonders if it isn't just better if she dies and becomes a ghost. Then they can truly be together. Sure, it is tragically bitter and not ideal, but... Julie is tired. Exhausted. Every time he accidentally phases through, every time she has her birthday, every time she notices how his face hasn't changed since the moment she met him… she’s tired of the perpetual ache.

Alex and Reggie both have felt the tug to cross over. They can't describe it. It’s simply time to go. Julie understands. It hurts, but she's been emotionally prepared for them to leave since their first performance in The Orpheum. Here’s the stinger though: they all have to feel ready to cross over. And Luke? He’s resisting that tug. According to Alex, it doesn’t hurt like Caleb's stamps, but it isn't pleasant either. Which means that Julie was hurting them for loving Luke.

"Julie...", he whispers, shaking his head. "Don't say that."

"So, you can say you don't care that you're dead, but I can't say I wish I was there with you?" She seethes, crossing the dangerous distance between them. Face to face, the green of his eyes begs to keep the little space left. Both know that it’ll be game over if they kiss, and then they'll have to start all over again.

He averts his gaze. "Jules... you weren't the idiot eating a bad hot dog. You deserve to live a life full of... of everything."

She scoffs. "So... what? You'll just roam the earth? Pining for me? We're not- we don't have to pretend about how we feel anymore, Luke." Tightly grabbing his hands, she urges: "Cross over - please. Don't be selfish."

He freezes. "You want me gone?"

The tears cling to her cheeks, lower lip wobbling. "No... no, I don't. I love you. But I can't hurt Alex and Reggie like that."

"Then let them cross over!" He begs her, taking a step back with the hope that he can prevent them from doing something they’ll regret. "Let me stay! With you!"

Frustration spouts from her throat. "They can’t! You died together, you cross over together! And we're holding them back." Her arms cross. "Let me go, Luke. Please."

"You're not doing anything," Luke hisses, pointing an accusatory finger. "Me and the guys have talked about this. This is us. Not you. Don’t you dare put that kind of blame on yourself."

"Then let me go," she whispers. She doesn’t want to fight anymore. They've fought for weeks. "Let me go. Please. You and the boys deserve to have peace... whatever that is. Because this-" Her hands motions at the charged energy. "-is not peace."

The last thing that Luke has ever wanted to do, is leave Julie Molina. Anyone could see that. But to avoid her self destruction and the pain of his friends - he may have to break their hearts.

He'll let her go.

But he won’t be at peace until he does one last thing.

"You're right," he says, defeated. It almost looks like tears are in his eyes. "This isn’t peace." Pain flashes across her face as she watches him cross the garage over to her, jaw clenched and eyes dark.

"Luke-"

Furiously, he winds a hand around her neck and tugs her into him. Julie whimpers into the kiss, his fingers digging into her neck and hers gripping his hair, to the point that they're hurting each other, but both need to feel. Both need the other close. She loves him. She is so in love with him.

If she can, she’ll scream at the universe and ask for a redo. It isn't fair. They belong together and everyone knows it. He shakes his head, mumbling against her lips: "I'll never stop loving you though."

"Luke-" she chokes.

"I'm doing what's best..." His lips curls into a grimace. Her heart aches at the sight, wishing her kisses are a solace and not the venom finalizing the pain. "-but I'll never stop loving you."

Pressing herself into his body, she kisses him harder. She can’t say it back - as she means it - because it’ll only make everything harder.

He knows she won’t say it back. But what kind of guy was he be if he leaves her without telling her? It would be another thing on his long list of regrets.

Maybe, if he has a pen and paper on the other side, ‘Unsaid Emily’ will get a sequel.

But he doesn't want to think about that right now. Julie is pressing herself against him, closer and closer even though he’s sure they ran out of space the second their teeth clashed at the first touch of their lips. He pulls her hips towards his, ignoring the way that the tears on their cheeks are blending and brushing against one another - and almost wishes that if he has to cross over, he will do it now.

He wants his final moments to be exactly, exactly like this. He doesn't want to feel anything else before he loses her forever.

Her head drops to his chest, hands slipping to feel the heat of his skin and kissing his shirt, right where his heart is supposed to be. The final blow is hers to serve. "Goodbye, Luke." A tragic puff leaves her. "See you in seventy years."

As humorous as it sounds - she says it heartbroken.

His lip twitches, coiling a curl around his finger. "I'll be waiting."

And then they wait.

Slowly, his skin turns luminescent. Soft, glowing. Not as solid and firm as before. They don’t move. Their eyes are fixed on each other, even when the green turns a lack-luster grey and his hair transparent. The grip on her hair falls away. She feels her fingers sink further into his skin until her hands meet. Only his eyes remain, unwavering.

And then they shut.

It’s only after she was confident that all that remained between her fingers was air and memories, that she allowed herself to admit it. It's barely a gasp when she says it; too busy trying to take in the space that once made up Luke's form and press it into her lungs in case any part of him wanted to stay.

"I’ll never stop loving you, either.”

A week later, in music class, she sings it.

Like when she sang ‘Wake Up’ for the first time, it's just her and the piano. Her class watches with dread, but she doesn't care. This was the only song she could think to sing after shutting down for a week. Her voice carries through the halls as she belts every note, feeling those atoms of Luke propel from her lungs the energy that he would want her to have.

The last verse, the last line, makes her voice break. She already knows her face is dripping with tears - if the splashing piano keys were any indication - but she can’t wipe them away.

"Sometimes I'd rather be dead, at least then I'm with you," she all but screams, followed with tearful “amens” that she repeats and repeats hoping that the boys can hear her. Yelling out for them. Cursing the world for taking them; tearing her vocal chords with one last prayer that she’ll see them again.

She wishes she was there.

Reminiscent of the day that she met the boys, she runs out of the classroom.

Flynn follows her out.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #juke #julie molina #luke patterson #juke fanfic #jatp fanfic #jukebox #juke angst

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zodiyack · 4 years ago

Text

In Regards Of My Stupidity

Pairing: Niklaus Mikaelson x Female!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff

Words: 1,670

Summary: Left alone in his empty castle with guilt, memories, and Hayley and his siblings’ words of advice to keep him company, Klaus hopes to reconcile with the woman he loved and betrayed.

Note: I suck at words.

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @jenepleurepasbaby, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @dpaccione

Masterlist | The Originals Masterlist

Part One. Part Two. Part Three.

He attempted many ways of apologizing without having to verbally admit anything. Klaus wrote a letter, then two, then three, then four, then gave up when he’d ripped out every page in the notebook out of frustration with his lack of words. Then he tried thinking up some form of speech, one he could memorize then recite to her. He fantasized of preforming it with the ending of her running into his arms and them riding of into the sunset to live their happily ever after again.

But even that was a bust. He couldn’t think of anything, nor could his mouth agree with his brain. Each word seemed to contradict one another. Every replacement he made for the words that clashed only had the same affect. He tried and tried until all the words jumbled up into a heap of disappointment.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered softly, like Y/n could hear him even though she wasn’t there, as he rubbed his forehead. All Klaus wanted was his wife back but to do so, he needed to apologize, which meant admitting quite a lot of things. It became a challenge. Especially with Klaus being as stubborn as he was.

To atone for everything he’d done wrong under the influence of Aurora would require something much greater than just “I’m sorry”. Allowing Aurora the power of having him under her influence at all deserved thousands of apologies greater than those two meek words.

He needed to think.

Klaus went outside, breathing in the New Orleans’ air. He felt much more at peace, but not because he could breathe the fresh air. As he closed his eyes, listening to the gentleness of the serene night, controlling his breathing and taking in the world with an empty mind, he imagined his happiness, his home.

“Do you like it?” Klaus snuck up behind her, placing his hands over hers on the railing, lacing their fingers, and leaned into her. She rested her head back onto his shoulder.

“I love it.”

1918 was a good year. It was the one before his father drove them out of New Orleans. He’d been proud of the town they’d made, and he promised Y/n that it was there that they would reign. She kept him grounded, and for the first time in forever, he was ready to be the good brother.

He lifted his arms, lifting hers as well, and wrapped them around her frame, holding her closer. Craning his neck, he peppered kisses along her neck before reaching her ear and whispering, “It’s ours, my love.”

She moved her head to face him, causing him to move his own back a bit in order for them to make eye contact. “Are you being serious? I swear, Klaus, if this is some bloody joke-” He chuckled and cut her off by pressing his lips to hers. Her words were almost instantly forgotten as their lips molded together passionately.

The need for air separated them but gifted Niklaus the opportunity to speak. “I promise you, love, I’m being serious. This,” he let go of one of her hands and extended his newly freed arm to the world around them, “this is ours. It is mine, and it is yours. This is the place where we shall be safe from harm forever. It’s a place we can finally call, home.”

He promised her New Orleans was a permanent setting. Only a year later, Mikael showed up and turned his promise to shit. Y/n assured him with a teary eyed grin that it would be alright. Pressing kisses to his face and reminding him that they were alive, she promised it wasn’t his fault. He’d asked what they were going to do and she merely smiled.

She told him they’d wing it.

The apology was ready, but not in a sense he had confidence in. He left his home feeling a lack of fortitude but continued forward nonetheless. It was time he owned up to the promise he lovingly made long ago and atoned to the mistakes he blindly made recently.

Klaus decided he would wing it.

“Niklaus.” Elijah greeted emotionlessly. “I’ll retrieve Y/n.” He returned inside but didn’t come back out. Instead, Y/n took his place, but stood further from Rosseau’s than he was to avoid them hearing their conversation.

“It’s nice to see you ag-”

“Please,” she couldn’t bring her eyes to his, at least, not that very second. They were so full with her sadness threatening to seep out in the form as little droplets that would slide down her skin. “Just...get on with it.”

He understood the lack of ill-intentions behind her words and urgency. A calming breath filled, then left, his chest. And then, he obliged. “I...I was uh...I was dumb and... And I should’ve been a better husband and...” His nerves destroyed whatever bravery he had left in “winging” his apology. Sweaty palms, dry mouth, shaky hands and butterfly filled stomach, how was he ever going to get through this?

Moments had gone by and the tension grew thicker. He could see that Y/n began to grow annoyed, understandable with his drawn out stalling. Klaus had to say something. Preferably something that wouldn’t worsen his situation.

But he was Klaus.

“I understand that I hurt you-”

“Understand that you hurt me? You have yet to even ask me how I felt! You can’t empathize with something you only know one side of.”

Her words were true. The only thing he could think to say were her own words, too far late too matter though. “H-how did you feel?”

“You want to know how I felt, Nik?”

“Yes.”

“Let me ask you this; have you any idea the pain it caused me to even think about moving on from you? Hayley told me it was more than likely going to happen one day and that I should try when the time comes that I feel as though the ache of not having you in my life is too much for even me to bear, but I cannot picture myself with another man. I cannot fathom a life in which I am wrongfully torn from you, or torn from you at all, generally speaking.”

“Does that-”

“No,” She winced and clenched her eyes shut, “Klaus.” She opened her eyes and made eye contact with him. He saw the sorrow that drowned in her e/c orbs, and his heart broke a little more. “That does not mean I’m willing to just forgive and forget. I want to be with you again, I want to be by your side forever and always, just like I vowed to be but-”

“We can go home-”

“Can you just listen for one fucking second!” She cried out, disbelief strewn across her face. “I have been by your side whenever you needed me to be, even in times where you were too pigheaded to admit that you needed someone. I may never be confident in my ability to brave life without you, but hopefully, I never have to.”

A sigh left her mouth, “So...if you have something to say, do so now...please.” Their eyes reconnected as she waited in anticipation for him to speak his mind.

“I...I don’t...” He couldn’t think of anything. “Just...please, come back with me?”

She scoffed and turned away, eyes red and face scrunched with pain. He fucked it up more. She believed in him. She believed he’d fix it. And so did he.

Then, faster than the speed of light, it hit him. It hit him like a bus, or an anvil over his head like in a cartoon, a lightbulb over his head and exclamation points around his noggin. “Wait!”

Y/n paused but didn’t turn to face him.

“I- I don’t need you to come back with me. I don’t need to go there with you either. I just need...to be with you.” He shrugged with watery eyes and a shaky voice. “I was stupid, blind and mulish. Cowardly, if you will.” He threw his hands up then let them drop to his side.

“I will never forgive myself for hurting you, even if we move on from this, some part of me will always carry the guilt of every time we quarrel. It is unlike us to be so far gone for so long, however, it has opened my eyes to see...” he sucked in a breath, “to see that this time, among all others, I did the unforgivable.”

Klaus sped in front of Y/n, catching her off guard slightly. He took her hands in his. Though she didn’t fight him, she still avoided his eyes. “When I married you, I vowed to be there for you, through thick and thin, I vowed to be loyal and trusting and honest, just as you have been to me, but I failed you. I failed you, love, when I did the worst thing a husband could do.”

“Well...” she laughed lightly, sniffling through a few fallen tears, “it wasn’t the worst, but it was a fucking shit thing to do.”

They chuckled together and her eyes finally met his. “I love you, Y/n, I really do. I look at you and I see the woman of my dreams, my world...I promised you New Orleans was our home, but, when I look at you, I see my true home. Not some silly little place from a time in history, but the woman who I want to spend my immortality with. The woman whom I never deserved yet was chosen by, of all people, to spend her immortality with.”

“And I’d do it again.” She smiled sweetly, drawing a smile of his own. “Even if you are a stubborn bastard,” he held a sheepish grin, “I still love you.”

Even if Mikael ruined Klaus’ promise of a home, he learned that the promise wasn’t about New Orleans. Taking a poetic turn, he came to the realization that she was his home, and he, hers. And now, he was finally coming home.

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kaznejis · 4 years ago

Text

Only Fools- Marco Peña x Flynn!Reader

nialler-tpwk5 said: Can we get Marco x reader but lee and Noah are her bothers and Noah gets in to a fight with him bc they kissed

A/N: Thankyou for sending in this prompt! I wrote this in a matter of hours, so hopefully there aren’t any mistakes- sorry if there is. I really enjoyed writing this; I think the scene between Marco and Noah at the football field is definitely my favourite!

Alsooo, whilst I was writing this I received a request for a ‘making out with Marco’ head canon- so I will have something similar to the opening out in the next few hours ;)

Feel free to send in any prompts. :)

Curling the tips of your fingers into Marco’s hair, you breathed out hot puffs of breaths against his face as you moved your lips against his passionately. Marco’s hands clung to your waist as he dragged you into his lap, running his tongue against the seam of your lips as he pushed back with the same level of fervour.

“We can’t do this for long,” You panted as Marco traced the pliant skin beneath your loose shirt, “My family will be home soon.”

Marco just smirked up at you as his hands moved further north, “You know that never stops me.”

You huffed a laugh as you dragged your lips down the base of his throat, “Yeah well, I don’t feel like watching my brothers beat you up today.”

Marco pulled back, pulling a raised eyebrow as he stared at you, “You think I can’t take them?”

“Lee, definitely,” You both broke into giggles at that, “but Noah is multiple feet taller than you with an added sprinkle of anger issues- wouldn’t exactly be a fair fight.”

“Well, that doesn’t matter because we won’t get caught,” He grinned at you as he pecked the tip of your nose softly, “The older brother will go back to college in a week and the younger one is to wrapped up in his own drama to notice anything.”

“True,” You sighed, tracing your finger along his face- the scar at his hairline, the light freckles beneath his eyes, the stray hairs that trailed the edges of his eyebrows. He really was beautiful. Despite what your siblings could ever think, you truly loved Marco- and you believed that he loved you too with the same level of compassion. The two of you were meant for each other; the sneaking around and hiding had only proved to deepen the connection that formed between the two of you.

Though, you could tell that Marco was beginning to grow restless of this factor to your relationship. You were too- you wanted nothing more than be able to be with Marco in public and get rid of the masses of girls that flocked towards him in school. You wanted to be able to bring him home for family dinners like Noah did with Elle and Lee with Rachel; instead of having to sneak him in and out of your bedroom window as soon as the front door opens.

To say the least, your brothers were extremely overprotective of you. Though, Noah’s protective nature was much more intense than Lee’s- he had gone to the lengths of beating up any guy who even dared to look at you, let alone touch you. Although he had softened slightly since opening his heart up to Elle, you still had no doubt that he would hunt Marco down if you were ever caught together. The thought of the two people you loved most in the world going against each other terrified you and you never wanted to be put in that situation. You just wished your brothers would lay off and stop seeing you as the timid girl you once were.

“Are you still with me?” Marco mumbled softly, pushing a strand of hair from out of your eyes. You just smiled sadly back at him before reluctantly climbing from upon his lap.

“You should probably get going, they’ll all be back soon.”

Marco climbed up from your bed after you, letting out a heavy intake of breath as he listened to what you said, “Alright- but I will forever dream of spending an entire night with you here.” And at that he laughed before giving you a sloppy kiss to the cheek and swinging his legs over your balcony ledge

“Be safe!” You hollered as you leant against the door and watched as he jumped from the tree just below your balcony.

The family sat around the table in comfortable silence as everyone tucked into the food your mother had prepared as usual. Though tonight there were no best friends or girlfriends that usually frequented the seat next to your siblings present tonight- meaning that it was just family.

“Noah,” You inquired, looking up to make eye contact with your older brother, “This is completely hypothetical...but what would you do if I had a boyfriend?”

Noah paused, his fork in the midst of digging into a mound of spaghetti, “Depends,” He brought his fork up and chewed slowly as if he were deep in thought, “If your hypothetical boyfriend were to be someone I know I would beat his ass as they are all assholes.”

“Noah!” Your mum snapped, swatting at him in an attempt to weaken his use of words.

“Sorry,” He groaned, holding up his hands, “I was about to say that if he was someone I didn’t know, maybe I would give him a chance.”

“Moral of the story, don’t date anyone from our school,” Lee laughed as he and Noah high-fived, “Why are you asking that anyway?”

“Oh, just wondering.” You smiled in what you hoped was a reassuring way, but you didn’t miss the intrigued, tilted-head look your mother gave you.

Later that night as you lay on top of your bed covers mindlessly scrolling through your social media and waiting for Marco to message you, a knock sounded at your bedroom door.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” You called as you propped yourself up against the headboard, “Hey mum.”

“Sorry to barge in, I bought you some hot chocolate.”

“Thanks,” You grinned as you accepted it and took an elongated sip, though you noticed the look on her face as you did so, “Alright, what do you want to ask?”

“You always know when something’s up,” She laughed and gestured for you to scoot over on the bed, “Earlier at dinner- that situation wasn’t hypothetical, was it?”

“No.” You gulped, opting to stare down at the chocolate that swirled within the mug.

“Oh, sweetheart,” She cooed, wrapping her arms around you and bringing you in to cuddle into her side, “Why didn’t you just say? I would never get mad at you for having a boyfriend.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” You sniffled, cuddling closer into her side, “It’s Noah who would.”

“Ah,” She whispered as he tightened her grip around you slightly, “I see.”

“Yeah.” You whispered back, finding it difficult to speak through the lump that was beginning to

rise in your throat.

“He’ll come around, I promise,” Your mother let out a small chuckle before continuing, “He can’t really judge your relationship status when he’s dating his brother’s best friend.”

You both dissolved into light giggles at that, the situation really was bizarre, “That’s actually true.”

“So,” She spoke slowly, nudging your side, “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” She nodded sincerely, “Marco.”

“Marco…” She mumbled with furrowed brows as realisation slowly set in, “Marco! Oh, he’s a cutie.”

You laughed fondly as you entwined your fingers together in your lap, “Yeah, I would know.”

“You love him, don’t you.” It was a statement, not a question.

You just nodded, smiling shyly as you turned to look at the woman beside you, “I wish we didn’t have to hide.”

“Your brothers will understand eventually, I promise,” and she bundled you up all snug in her arms and kissed your forehead as she spoke.

“I hope so, I really do.”

A few days later, you and Marco were once again hanging out in the confines of your bedroom- though this time the interaction was much less heated as the two of you simply sat with your legs intertwined as you studied and helped each other with homework. If someone was to walk in right now you could brush it off as two friends simply hanging out. But, once again- Noah would beat up any guy who even looked at you. Any interaction could be seen as risky.

“Hey,” Marco spoke, reaching over and rubbing his thumb over your clothed thigh, “Help me with this?” In return you smiled and leaned over to press a slow, teasing kiss to Marco’s lips- which he quickly reciprocated as he looped his arms around you.

Of course, Noah decided to walk in at that moment.

“Hey Y/N-” You and Marco pulled away immediately and froze in place, staring at Noah who was practically steaming with anger, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Noah, wait-” Though your brother completely ignored you and stormed straight up to Marco, grabbing him by the collar and slamming his back against the wall.

“My sister? My fucking sister? You made a mistake.”

“Noah!” You screamed, running to the side of him and grabbing the arm that clung to Marco, “Let go of him, I’m fine.” Though your pleads fell upon deaf ears.

“Out of all the people in the world you decided to play my sister?” Noah spat, getting up in Marco’s face, “You’re a fucking asshole, bro.”

“I’m not playing her,” Marco choked out, kicking at Noah’s legs and sending them both to the ground, “I love-”

“Don’t even say it.” Noah practically growled, landing a solid punch onto Marco’s face as they wrestled. Gasping at the sight of blood dripping from your boyfriend’s nose, you jumped forward and grabbed onto Noah’s shoulders- digging your nails into his skin in a way to replace the lack of strength you inhabited compared to him, “What the hell Y/N, get off me!”

“Get off of Marco then, he didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Y/N,” Your brother spoke sternly, “He was touching you.”

“Yes,” You yelled back, anger fizzling through every fibre of your being, “Because he is my boyfriend!” You dug your hands into your eyes, “I’m not a child anymore Noah, I don’t need you to protect me.”

“Well, when you’re with boys like him maybe I do.”

“Boys like me?” Marco deadpanned, taking his hand from his steadily bleeding nose as he did so, “The hell does that mean?”

“Assholes that fuck around.”

“Flynn,” Marco spoke calmly, sitting down on the bed, “I’m sorry to say it but I love your sister, more than anything. I would never do anything to hurt her.” You smiled softly at him as he spoke, he returned it once he was done.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

“Trust me, I guess?” Marco shrugged, wincing as his nose began to sting, “Did you really have to punch me in the face though?”

“Yeah.” Noah insisted, throwing an arm over your shoulder which you attempted to shrug away, “Hurt my sister though and I will fucking kill you- we clear?”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Marco saluted as he walked over to you and looped his arms around your waist, laughing as he accidentally smeared blood onto your shirt.

Yeah, your relationship was about to become ten times better already.

Would anyone be interested in being added to a tag list? If so, please send me an ask or message saying that you would like to be added!

#Marco Peña #Marco x reader #Marco peña x reader #the kissing booth #the kissing booth 2 #marco #oneshot #fanfiction #imagine #taylor zakhar perez #jacob elordi #noah flynn #noah flynn x reader #marco x yn

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thebigqueer · 4 years ago

Text

Solangelo - "Promise?" - One-Shot

Summary: Will and Nico are in Tartarus, and Will's hurt.

TW: slightly graphic description (just cuts); SPOILERS: Tower of Nero

Word Count: 1595

Read on AO3

Heat pulses in the air, boils over Will’s skin, strips him of his stamina. The world is tilting around him, and he can’t find a place to keep himself steady. His knees fall to the ground. He’s helpless, tired, done. He just wants to lie down and never get up again.

Distantly, a desperate voice calls his name, but he can barely comprehend what it’s saying. He’s drifting from consciousness, drifting from reality. Exhaustion pulls at his eyes and he has to fight to keep himself awake. It’s possibly the hardest battle he’s had to deal with, even after going against a countless number of monsters.

The voice is louder now, calling to him, but he’s falling into unconsciousness. The ground rocks his body back and forth, but he doesn’t have the energy to stand up.

And soon he gives himself up to the darkness. He’s done.

Ever since Will’s collapse, anxiety and guilt has been eating at Nico’s heart like a parasite. He knows that Will will be alright - Bob and Damasen told him so - but even then, he can’t help the churning in his stomach, the nervousness in his blood. Every time he looks at Will lying in the bed, with his curls plastered to his forehead and gashes all over his body, with his eyes scrunched in pain, a spiked rope pulls at Nico’s heart and makes him lose his breath.

Lucky for both of them, Nico was able to fight off the dracanae just in time for Will to pass out. He tried to call the blond’s name, to keep him awake for just a few more moments, but he was falling too far. Just as the last dracanae fell, so did Will, and for a few very long moments, Nico almost believed he’d lost his boyfriend forever.

Then Bob leaned down and picked him up, checked up on his breathing, and assured Nico that he was alive - just barely.

So together, with Will dangling over the shoulder of the Titan, they ventured further through the boiling depths of Tartarus, down to the small house of Damasen. All the while, Nico’s heart thudded in his chest. He and Will had barely eaten anything, and while Nico didn’t even have the appetite, he knew that if he didn’t get something soon he’d be pretty much useless.

Now, as Will and Nico reside in Damsen’s house and Bob helps the other giant to make food for the boys, the son of Hades finally takes the time to destress. He knows that this relief from the depths of Tartarus will only be short-lived, but he’s grateful to have it anyway.

He just needs the time. He needs. He needs. What does he need? He needs space. He needs to think.

Being back in Tartarus hasn’t been easy on him. But Nico supposes he was expecting that anyway.

There’s a constant buzz underneath his skin, simmering over his muscles, and he just wants to run, run, run from here. Why is he here? Why did he do this? Oh, yes. It was Bob. He needs to save Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob.

Nico’s mind feels on edge, curling in over itself. He doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t want to be here.

Taking a deep breath, he steps over to Will’s limp body, taking his pale hand into his own. Heat emanates from his body, and not the comfortable kind - it’s feverish, red, painful. Gazing up at Will’s face, Nico’s breath hitches. Sweat gleams over him in the firelight and a greenish tint has come over his skin. His curls no longer look soft and golden - they look pale and bleached, like he’s been dyeing it over and over. His body has thinned out so much that Nico is almost convinced even a puff of air will blow him away.

Will whimpers in his sleep, begging for mercy from all the new nightmares, all the new fears. He looks so pitiful. Tears prick Nico’s eyes.

The son of Hades runs his hands over the gashes on Will’s body, starting from the bandages on his shoulder and forearm. The blond flinches and hisses, so Nico lets go, afraid of causing him more harm than he needs to. Instead he turns to the slashes against his torso, running his fingers over the ripped fabric of his orange CHB T-shirt. Blood soaks through them, green tinging the edges of the wounds. Nico grimaces.

Nico sighs and rests his head against Will’s shoulder. The heat of his skin spreads into the son of Hades, down to his very core, and his heartbeat quickens even more. He sighs. “I’m sorry, my love,” Nico whispers softly, pulling his fingers into the dampened curls on Will’s head. “I hate seeing you like this. You don’t deserve any of this pain.”

Will doesn’t answer. But as Nico speaks, the crease between his eyebrows lessens its strain, just for a little bit, and a trickle of relief drops into Nico’s body. At least he’s still semi-conscious.

Nico stands and releases his hold on Will. He starts wandering around the little cottage, soaking up the terrifying familiarity of the place. The glow of the fire, the scorching heat, the scent of smoke and meat. His eyes land over Damasen and Bob, and suddenly he remembers why he’s here.

“Bob,” he says, but his voice is scratchy and dry. “Oh, gods, Bob.”

The Titan looks up, fixing his silver eyes on the son of Hades. Seeing him, a wave of emotions flows in Nico’s stomach, catches up to his chest, rises up his throat. He rushes over.

“Bob, listen,” he chokes out. “You have to come back with us. I… I’m sure that you’re the one who’s been calling to me. I’m here to take you out of here. You… you don’t deserve life in Tartarus.” Then Nico fixes his stare to Damsen, who’s watching Nico with pitiful eyes. “You either. You both deserve the outside world. You both deserve to see the sun, breathe fresh air, to… to live.” He staggers forward, forcing urgency into his voice. “You need to. You helped us, and now it’s our turn to help you. Will you come?”

Damasen and Bob turn to each other, carrying a conversation between their eyes. Bob’s mouth curls into a frown.

“Nico,” he says, almost as if tasting how familiar the name is in his mouth. “Tartarus is hard to get out of. Bob isn’t sure… The last two demigods tried and failed. It is not worth bringing Bob up.”

Dread trickles down Nico’s throat. He blinks. “What? But… weren’t you the one sending me the voices?” Confusion pricks his head, threading itself into his thoughts. “Who else could it have been?”

Before either Damasen or Bob can reply, though, a soft moan echoes from somewhere behind. With a start, Nico realizes it’s Will. He jumps and rushes over, anxiety pulling his hard into a chokehold.

“Will!” he exclaims, placing his hand over the blond’s bicep. “Hey, are you awake? Can you hear me?”

Will groans. “Pain,” he mutters. “Help.”

Nico presses his hands to Will’s curls in a hurried attempt to try something to soothe him. “Is there anything you want?” he asks. “Like, something you need?”

“I want… up.”

It takes a moment for Nico to realize he means to sit up. He entangles his right hand with one of Will’s own feverish ones and uses his other arm to guide him into a sitting position. With a lot of struggle and hissing from the blond, the boys manage to get him into a more comfortable position.

As soon as Will’s sitting up, he groans and holds a hand to his head. “Ow.”

Nico bends on his knees and balances his fingers over Will’s jaw, tilting his face just a little. “How are you feeling?”

Will only offers a hum of disagreement, which Nico takes to mean he doesn’t feel good. “Nico, it… hurts.”

“Your cuts?”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah, I know. But we put salve on them the moment you got here. It’s much less now than it was then, trust me.”

A look of doubt flashes across Will’s eyebrows but he says nothing more. He only pulls into Nico’s body, looking for some kind of refuge from the cruelty around him. Nico wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders, and for a second Will’s found himself in bliss again, safe from the world around him. He rests his aching head against the son of Hades’ shoulder and sighs. Nico’s own skin feels feverishly warm, but at this point, Will doesn’t care. He just needs to know that he isn’t alone.

“Nico?” he whispers.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry you had to go through any of this in the first place.”

Nico’s body flinches at his words. Then gentle fingers slide down Will’s back. “It’s okay. At least this time we’re together, right?”

“Nico?”

“Mhm?”

“Don’t let me go here. I promised you we’ll ride or die together, and that’s what I intend. Just… don’t leave me, okay? And I won’t leave you. Promise?”

“Promise.”

“One more promise.”

“What?”

Will raises his head, his glazed eyes trying to catch a hold of Nico’s. “We’re only riding. We’re not dying. Promise me that.”

Guilt flashes against Nico’s face. “Will, I-”

“Even if you can’t promise, at least lie. Make it sound like the truth.” Hot tears scorch Will’s eyes. “Please,” he urges.

Nico nods and pulls Will to him again. “We’re not dying. We’ll make it out of here, my love. I promise you that.”

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wordstrings · 4 years ago

Text

of sleep-warm skin and love requited

Written and submitted by @delicategoblin:

OK IM OFFICIALLY TERRIFIED BUT IVE EDITED THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF THIS AND I CANT FIND ANYTHING ELSE TO CHANGE SO UHHHHH HERE WE GO. uhhhh you don’t need to anonymize it I’m g with having my actual blog on here i’m just ,,, f r e a k i n g o u t . thank you again for this opportunity though cause i never would have done this otherwise,,,,also it’s kinda cringe i know but i’m fragile ok i needed the Bois being soft

Publisher’s note: The first official fic of I Fixed/Fic’d It: A Supernatural Fluffsgiving Event! I absolutely love this and it’s exactly what my heart needed.

Words: 1,700

—

of sleep-warm skin and love requited

Soft puffs of warm air blew onto his chest, it blew the fine hairs that grew there against their follicles. It was an annoying, tickling sensation that made it feel like there was a bug crawling on him. He didn’t move, though, or adjust the sleeping hunter in his arms. It served as a grounding sensation, a reminder that the warm body lying next to him was just that; warm, breathing, alive.

“I c’n feel you look’n at me weird.” Dean’s sleepy voice cut through the gentle silence that hung around them. One sleepy green eye cracked open and he shifted, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s bare torso tighter and burying his nose into his sternum.

“I was admiring you,” Castiel protested indignantly and smiled at the muffled embarrassed noise Dean made against him.

“Less admiring, more sleeping.” He grumbled, and pressed a placating kiss to Cas’s throat. Castiel let out a contented hum and let his fingers glide up Dean’s muscled back, feather-light, and up to the nape of his neck.

“Quit it.” Dean shuddered and fell back onto the mattress with a bleary-eyed glare. Castiel shifted onto his side and smoothed his thumb over the crease in Dean’s forehead that resulted from his affronted expression. Dean didn’t comply with his silent request, and it was Cas’s turn to frown. He leaned down and pressed a tiny chaste kiss to the wrinkle, Dean just shied away and huffed.

“Dean,” Castiel squinted at the stubborn man beside him, who stuck his tongue out and made a point to draw his eyebrows even further - the crease became more prominent. Cas could almost laugh, but this was a challenge. A challenge he didn’t intend to back down from.

“Cas,” He mocked, pulling a face.

Oh, so that’s how it was.

Gears in Castiel’s head were turning, but before they could even quite slot into place, he was on top of Dean, pinning him to the mattress with his weight. Dean’s eyes widened, no longer half-shut with the remnants of sleep, and he sucked in a breath. Pupils blown wide, and Castiel grinned. Dean had a very wrong idea of what was about to happen.

“Dean, you’re very stubborn.”

Dean smirked and waggled his eyebrows, before quickly returning to his previous expression, complete with his arms crossed across his chest.

“Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?”

Castiel hummed as if he were deep in thought, tracing his index finger from Dean’s collarbone to his sternum. Dean cringed and pushed himself back into the mattress.

“Me? Well, I’m going to knock you down a peg or two, in a manner of speaking.” Castiel purred, resting all ten of his fingertips on his ribs, a salacious grin on his face.

“You, on the other hand,” He continued, gliding his hands down to rest at Dean’s sides. “You’re going to smile for me.”

Dean barely had time to swallow nervously before his senses were set alight by tingling, buzzing electricity. He bit his lip and squirmed, grappling with Castiel’s flitting hands.

“C-Cas, c-c’moHAH. Nonono, c’mohon man, this shit’s for kIDS.” His voice raised an octave when the ex-angel who was enjoying this way too much dug his infuriatingly skilled fingers into his tummy.

It took less than three minutes for Dean to be lost to laughter, punctured by the occasional ‘No!’ or ‘Cas!’ and things that were definitely not shrieks when his attacker got to a bad spot.

Cas, the bastard, was watching him with a big stupid smile on his face. It was so wide and genuine Dean couldn’t even find it in himself to be mad when he caught glimpses of his face amidst his thrashing.

“Cas! Cas, it’s like 4 am, stoho- nahaha CAHAHAS NOT THERE, YOUSONUVABIHIHITCH.” Dean cackled and threw his head back with laughter as Castiel’s hands shot into his armpits, he convulsed and clamped his arms down as hard as he could. Nothing could deter Cas’s determined digits.

When Dean’s breathing started sounding labored, Castiel retreated his hands and took to scritching at Dean’s lower belly. Tickling there, just above his waist-band, was the closest thing to giggling he thought Dean Winchester was capable of. His other hand, bored and itching to roam the squirming body beneath him, cupped Dean’s other side and stroked the skin there. There was another layer of squirming away added to Dean’s half-hearted struggle.

“Caaaas, quihihit playing with my chubby spots.” He whined through bubbling laughter. It was innocent enough, but Castiel knew this man well enough to tell the difference between a joke and genuine insecurity.

Castiel pursed his lips and abandoned his tickling, leaning forward to kiss the panting, red-faced mess. Dean was enthusiastic, cupping the back of Castiel’s head, meeting his kiss sloppily with an open mouth and obscene smacking sounds.

When Castiel pulled away, Dean’s hand kept him there; their faces just inches apart, noses brushing.

“You’re the single most beautiful creature in all of creation, Dean Winchester. Inside and out.” Castiel said firmly, cupping Dean’s jaw reverently and looking into his lover’s wide eyes. A faint blush dusted Dean’s cheeks and he dropped his gaze, shrugging, and grumbling. Cas used his hand to nudge Dean’s face back up and pressed kiss after kiss to Dean’s face. His forehead, each eyelid, his nose, his top, and bottom lip, and his chin.

“I’ve seen stars born,” Castiel murmured against his jaw, pressing another kiss to the stubbled skin.

“Galaxies formed,” Another kiss, this time to his neck, then his collarbone, then his sternum.

“Supernovas,” His chest, right over his heart.

“I witnessed the creation of the very first life forms,” His ribs.

“I’m older than time, older than this world, than the universe.” His diaphragm, his stomach, his hip.

“It’s you, Dean. Nothing I’ve ever seen, ever experienced, could ever hold a candle to you. I just wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

Dean sat completely still, watching Cas with twinkling eyes, he swallowed thickly and made to sit up, Cas climbed off him and Dean leaned forward, resting his head on Castiel’s shoulder.

“You mean that?” He whispered, taking Castiel’s hand and fiddling with his fingers. Castiel smiled and pressed a kiss to the crown of Dean’s head, nodding.

“Yes, Dean. I mean it.”

Castiel could hear the quiver in his breath when Dean inhaled deeply.

“That’s pretty gay, man.” He said shakily, pulling away from Castiel with a wobbly smile on his face.

“That it is. I’d venture to say what I’m about to say is gayer, though; I think your smile is especially beautiful. And your laugh.” Castiel added with a sly smile. Dean was quicker on the uptake, though, and before Cas could follow through on his plan, he found himself pinned to the mattress. Staring down a disgruntled Dean, who wasted no time in reaching behind him and kneading Castiel’s thighs.

He howled with laughter and grabbed blindly at Dean’s arms.

“DEAN! DEAN, STOHOHOP!” He bucked underneath the grinning man.

“You started it! And you were about to ambush me again.” He feigned offense, his words spoken around a laugh. His hands converged on Cas’s ribs and dug into the giggle-shriek-inducing spots between each bone.

Expertly, Dean took Castiel apart. Fingers seasoned with years of big-brother experience. His goal was to just tire Cas out to the point he wouldn’t be able to re-retaliate. Ten fingers scribbled across his belly and Cas was lost to giggles that Dean would never tire of hearing.

“Deheheannn, nahaha I’m sohOHORY!” He barely managed around an honest to god squeal that left his mouth when one of Dean’s curious fingers wiggled into his bellybutton.

“See, I just don’t think that’s true.” Dean tutted.

He could have continued on forever, sweet laughter and adorable attempts at an escape or a plea. But, now that Cas was human and oxygen was kind of a necessity, he made the mature decision (what can he say, falling in love changed him) to stop. He pulled away with a parting raspberry to the side of Cas’s neck, which made him shriek and jackknife under him.

“I didn’t bring you back from super hell just so you could tickle the shit out of me, you know,” Dean said, poking his hip. Cas flinched and rubbed a hand over his face, residual giggles still tumbling out of his mouth. He sighed and parted his fingers, peering up at Dean.

“Why did you bring me back, then?” He challenged. Dean glared down at him, but his gaze held no heat. Maybe some exasperation.

“You know why.”

Castiel pulled his hands away from his face and shrugged innocently.

“I don’t, actually.”

“I told you,” Dean huffed. Don’t ask why he was allowing himself to be swept up into Cas’s little game - maybe he liked it. Or maybe he felt guilty still.

“You told me lots of things - through wailing sobs, so it was hard to understand at times. Here; I’ll even make it easy for you. I love you…”

“I know,” Dean replied in a mocking, honeyed tone as he flopped back onto the mattress, pointedly shutting his eyes. Castiel let out a long-suffering sigh and lay back next to him, body curved around Dean’s; a perfect fit, like pieces of a puzzle slotting together. It was a shame Dean was being too much of a man-baby for Castiel to properly enjoy their compatibility and closeness at the moment.

“You’re impossible,” Cas murmured into the skin of Dean’s shoulder, reaching over to pinch at Dean’s waist. He curled away with a squeak that made Cas’s heart swell and grabbed his hands.

“No more tickling,” He pouted. The other man smiled fondly and pressed a kiss to Dean’s temple.

“No more tickling.” He agreed, nodding solemnly.

Then it was quiet again, peaceful. The soft sounds of Dean’s breaths were in sync with his own - the feeling of his heart beating was still alien to him, even though it wasn’t something he noted often.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean said quietly, fingering a mindless pattern on Castiel’s bicep, “I do. Love you, I mean.”

Castiel smiled and pressed his thumb gently into the give of Dean’s thigh, reveling in the softness, the warmth.

“I know.”

#SPNfluffsgiving2020 #tickle fic #Supernatural #ticklish!Dean #ticklish!Cas #Destiel #tickling #ler!Cas #ler!Dean #Dean Winchester #Castiel #submission #author delicategoblin #not mine

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imagineteamfreewill · 4 years ago

Text

Consort - Part 9

Title: Tricks, Lies, and Love

Pairing: OFC x Dean, Past Goddess!Reader x Dean

Word Count: 5,227

Warnings: Arguing, fighting, angry Dean, crying, mentions of forced servitude, mentions of drugging

Summary: Lilly hikes into the forest to find a surprise for Dean after their night together, but after getting lost, she has to reveal something about herself that changes their relationship forever.

A/N: This is part nine of Consort. It is told from Lilly’s point of view at the beginning, but it will quickly shift. Just be patient! Feedback makes the world go round, so after you enjoy, make sure to reblog with your comments!

Consort Series Masterlist

_______________

Lilly knew that Dean was building her a cabin. It was supposed to be a secret, so she kept quiet, but she knew all about the traditions that the people of Lawrence held. The excitement of it all was almost too much to handle. She loved Dean. She loved him with every part of her being. Having to wait for the cabin to be finished was proving to be a challenge, and as Dean slowly woke up beside her in her tiny bed, she wondered if he felt the same way.

“Good morning,” she whispered. Dean stirred slightly and peeked an eye open at her, and Lilly smiled back. “Did you sleep well?”

He let out a soft sigh and pulled her closer, tucking her under his chin and into his warmth. He tightened his grip on her and she kissed just beneath his Adam's apple in return.

“I will assume that means yes,” she murmured, and then she kissed again.

“If you keep doing that,” Dean finally said, his voice gravelly with sleep, “then I’ll never get to work.”

“So don’t go.”

Dean kissed the top of her head. “I have to. We’ll need the money if we’re going to be together.”

Silently, Lilly pulled away and met Dean’s eyes. He gave her a soft smile and loosened his grip on her so that she could shift into a more comfortable position with her arm bent under her head. Once she was still, he reached out and brushed hair away from her face. His fingers trailed over her jawline and Y/N held back a shiver, watching him intently.

“What?” he asked.

“You want to be with me?”

Dean frowned, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Yes. Is that… not what you want?”

She could see the fear in his eyes. It was as if he was standing there with his tools, poised and ready to build up all the walls she’d slowly been breaking down from the day they’d first met in the forest.

“That is what I want,” Lilly told him earnestly.

Dean’s relief was palpable; every part of his body relaxed against the mattress and he let out a quiet sigh. Lilly offered him a soft smile, then took his hand and ran her thumb over the back of it. He relaxed even further under her touch and smiled back at her after a few moments had passed. With his free hand, Dean reached out again and pulled their joined hands towards his lips so he could press a kiss to the back of hers.

“I wish you would stay here with me today,” she murmured. “I enjoy being with you.”

“Are you not needed at the bakery?”

Lilly shook her head. “Stay.”

It didn’t take long for Dean to decide that he wanted to stay. He was always eager to please, and though that had bothered Lilly at first, she’d learned that making sure the people in his life were happy was his way of showing them that he loved them. It wasn’t perfect, but then again, nobody was.

After another hour or so of just lying together in bed—amongst other things—Dean finally left to go meet his brother and start a long day of work in the forests that bordered the village.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he murmured as he climbed out of bed, and Lilly whined in response.

“You’re sure you can’t stay?”

Dean chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead before picking his clothes up from the floor and dressing quickly to avoid the chill as much as possible. “Stay out of trouble, Y/N.”

Lilly rolled over and gave him a wicked grin, and then he was walking out the door with another laugh. She laid back in the bed. The joy in Dean’s eyes was enough to sustain her for months, she was sure. A person could thrive solely on Dean’s happiness if their life depended on it. Thankfully, it didn’t, and she was going to be able to share everything with him, at least if last night held any truth. People didn’t just spend the night with each other unless they wanted it to mean something, not in Lawrence. Plus, he was building her a cabin, which meant that he was serious about what they had. As soon as it was done, they could start their new life together. The thought and the promise of it all made Lilly smile, and she climbed out of bed and got dressed before her foolish, lovesick grin had even begun to fade.

“He loves me,” she said to herself as she pulled on her boots. The soft leather slid on easily and she laced them up, then grabbed her basket from its place by the firewood. The very idea of being loved by someone as kind and incredible as Dean Winchester made her stomach flip.

Her walk to the edge of the forest was short, but by the time she arrived the sun was already high in the sky.

That’s what I get for staying in bed so late, Lilly thought. Storm clouds gathered far on the horizon. She ignored them in favor of venturing into the woods in search of berries to use in a pie. There wouldn’t be many, but she was hopeful. A pie would be the perfect surprise for Dean and because she couldn’t yet publicly express her love to him in all the ways she wanted to, a pie would have to suffice. The trees were thick on the outskirts of the forest so Lilly hiked into the woods until they began to spread out and foliage cropped up between them. Most of the plants were dead by now, but in the distance there were a few bushes that looked promising.

Lilly picked as many berries as she could, and it wasn’t until the sky had begun to grow dim that she stood from where she’d been kneeling on the cold, hard dirt and looked around. She had never been this far into the forest on her own. There was nothing familiar in sight and her chest tightened. She swallowed hard and forced herself to take a deep breath and another look around. She couldn’t surely be lost, especially since so many of the men in Lawrence spent their days in the woods. There must be somebody nearby.

“Hello?” she shouted. Lilly held her breath as her cry fell only on deaf ears and trees, and then she tried again. “Can anyone hear me? Hello!”

There was no response and she tentatively picked up her basket and began to walk, hoping that she was heading in the direction of the village. It had been hours since she’d left her cottage and she’d been moving from bush to bush without thinking anything of it. Now, however, without snow or mud underfoot, there was no way to tell which way she’d come. Nervousness sprung to life inside of her but Lilly pushed it down. She needed to focus. If she walked far enough south, she would probably reach Lawrence. All she had to do was find the sun and figure out which direction was south. She had only walked for about an hour before coming to the bushes, so surely she wasn’t too far into the woods.

After walking for what seemed like forever, Lilly’s feet were aching. It felt like a lead weight had been buried underneath the heavy load berries in her basket and she quickly found a fallen tree so she could rest for a minute. The wood was cold underneath her, but the air was growing even colder as the sun went down. If she didn’t get back to Lawrence soon, she’d freeze, which meant there was really only one solution.

Closing her eyes, Lilly focused herself. The magic she’d pushed down so she could live her life as normally as possible was hard to unearth after such a long period of disuse, but after a few long moments, she felt the warmth of it travel out from her heart towards the tips of her cold, numbing limbs. Electricity traveled up her spine and Lilly exhaled, opening her eyes and letting the puff of white air escape her. The world around her grew brighter and more alive, and she smiled a little. It sensed her.

“Hello,” she whispered. She stood and left the basket beside the log. A bird chirped in the distance and she smiled wider as she dragged her fingers across the rough bark of another tree nearby. The life inside of it hummed with joy as it felt the proximity of its protector.

Lilly let herself enjoy the small pleasures the forest provided her until a shiver ran up her spine and the reason for digging up her magic in the first place came to mind. Sighing, she picked up the basket once more and closed her eyes, thinking of her cottage in the village. She was out of practice, but after a minute of pushing the thought to the forefront of her mind over and over again, the world around her twisted and she felt a rush of cold air.

Smiling wide, she opened her eyes and stepped forward to take the berries to her small cooking space, but Lilly quickly froze when she realized she wasn’t standing before the hearth of her home like she’d expected. She was still in the woods, and Dean was standing only a few feet away with the unfinished cottage behind him. Lilly barely noticed the building, however; she was too focused on the obvious shock written across Dean’s face.

“Lilly?” he asked, and she watched in silence as the shock slowly morphed into something else—fear. “What’s going on? How did you get here?”

“I… got lost in the woods. I was out picking berries for a pie and then I saw you and Sam, so I came hoping I could stay with you until it was time to go home,” she said. “Can I?”

Dean shook his head, watching her warily. He was still holding his axe and a log was half-split nearby, but he paid it no mind. “There aren’t any berries nearby, Lilly, and people don’t just appear like that.”

“You must not have seen me coming. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you or scare you, I promise.” Lilly scrambled to think of a way she could brush this off or explain it away. Dean was a smart man and he would figure it out if she didn’t think of something quick.

“No, we would’ve heard you coming. Sam would’ve seen you if I hadn’t, and—” Dean stopped and Lilly watched in horror as he realized what had happened and who she was. She watched his expression change again, the way his features hardened and the distrust marred the bright green of his eyes. He shifted the axe in his hand, gripping it tighter, and she held onto the basket in her own hands for dear life.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Tears were forming in her eyes from both the cold and the fear and hurt that blossomed inside of her. “Dean, please, let me explain—”

_______________

“No,” Dean said. He shook his head and stepped away from her. “No! Get away from me. You lied to me.”

“It wasn’t a lie!”

“Oh, so you’re not Y/N? You’re not the Goddess of Camor? You’re not the one who goes around and takes people from their homes and forces them to work for you and serve you? You’re not the one who tears innocent people away from their families and then hurts them just so you can keep living your life of luxury?”

Y/N flinched at his words, but Dean didn’t care. He kept going. “You’re not the woman who forced me to fall in love with her and then threatened me when I didn’t do what you wanted? You’re not the one who ordered all those kids—kids, Y/N!—to be drugged so you don’t have to hear them crying out as you drag them away from everyone they love? That’s not you?”

She looked down and away, and he could see a tear drip down her cheek even from where he stood. It didn’t matter, though, because Dean knew the truth. He knew exactly who Y/N was. She was a goddess and she was cruel and she didn’t care about anybody except herself.

“For someone who spent so much time with me,” she finally said, her voice barely audible even in the silent winter woods, “you really don’t know much about me at all.”

Dean scoffed. “That’s all you’re going to say?”

Slowly, Y/N inhaled deeply and lifted her head. Her eyes were sad as she met his and Dean steeled himself against the wave of emotion that stirred within him.

“Stop that,” he snapped.

“Stop what?” she asked.

“Stop toying with my emotions, Y/N. Or would you rather I call you Your Majesty?” Dean poured every ounce of hatred that he could into the words, and it had the desired effect. The hurt in her eyes deepened, as if he’d taken a knife and twisted it into her gut.

“I promise you I’m not doing anything,” Y/N replied, her voice breaking. “I can’t do anything with emotions that aren’t already there, you know that, Dean.”

A branch snapped in the distance and Dean glanced towards the sound. Sam had left to retrieve water and he would be back soon, and Dean didn’t want Y/N here when he returned. It would be too confusing, there would be too much to explain that Dean didn’t have an explanation for. He was too angry to explain things to Sam anyway, at least right now. How was he supposed to explain that the girl he’d been so in love with was the same woman who’d forced him into servitude and then later forced him to become her companion? How was he supposed to explain that he had been in love with this woman just as much as he loved Lilly when he didn’t even understand it himself?

“So what was all of this?” Dean barked out the question and gestured to the basket of berries, then to the cabin standing proudly behind him. It was almost finished, he and Sam only had to finish the roof and the door, but that didn’t matter now. “Was this just some kind of trick? Were you trying to trick me into saddling myself with you so that you could force me to do whatever you wanted?”

Y/N looked like she’d been slapped. “What?”

“Why are you here, Y/N? What do you want?”

“Dean, I—”

“You what, Y/N? You got bored? You decided to come here to toy with me and my family? Is that why you let me go?”

“No!” she cried. “I would never try and trick you, Dean! Do you really think I’m that horrible?”

“Then explain! Explain why you were here pretending to be someone you’re not, why you made me fall in love with you!”

Y/N wrapped her arms around herself and looked around. The basket in her hand bumped against her hip and she had to shift her grip on it, but she didn’t let go. Suddenly, Y/N looked nothing like the confident, powerful goddess who’d first commanded that Dean be her consort. To him, she looked small. She looked like a village girl who’d been rejected and abandoned by the man she loved. Dean had seen women like her a million times growing up and now he had to steel himself even harder against the second swirl of guilt, sadness, and heartbreak he felt.

“I never meant for this to happen,” Y/N finally choked out. “I just wanted to see what a normal life would be like, so I let my magic fade just enough that people would see me differently. I needed people to see what I really look like instead of what the magic makes them see.”

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked. He ignored the tears now streaming freely down her face and glanced in the direction Sam had left before looking back at her. He was running out of time.

“My beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder. That’s what everyone sees when they look at me—they see the most beautiful woman they could ever imagine. But when I left the temple, I let that part of the magic fade away. I haven’t used any magic on anyone, Dean, I promise. Everything you saw, everything I ever said and did was purely me. I haven’t used my magic since I left the temple!””

He stared at her, scrutinizing her expression. Y/N was telling the truth. Dean could see it in her eyes, but the longer he looked at her, the more he realized that it was like watching someone’s face from underwater. She was Y/N, but she was also Lilly, and he had to focus hard on one or the other in order to see clearly.

“Then why?” Dean asked. “Why let me go? You didn’t have to free me if all you wanted was to pretend to be normal for a time! You could have locked me up like you did when you sent me away during The Culling!”

A sharp, cold wind whipped past the cottage as the sun continued to sink below the horizon and Y/N shivered, hugging herself tighter, but she never took her eyes away from Dean’s.

“I let you go because you were hurting. I hurt you Dean, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve never— I was too wrapped up in how you made me feel to realize you were in pain. I didn’t realize how much suffering I’d caused you and the rest of my people, not until I heard you at night.”

Dean stepped back. “At night?”

She nodded sadly and sniffled in a poor attempt to reign in her tears and compose herself. “I know about your nightmares. You were so afraid of me and I didn’t know for so long, and when I finally realized, it was too late. Your fear made you ill, Dean. There was nothing I could do to make you better. I visited Samuel for help and he told me how much it hurt that you had been taken away from him and your mother. His pain… I could feel it. It ripped through me like a knife and I could tell he loved you and I— I knew that if I let you go, you would recover! You wouldn’t live in fear and you would heal!”

Unsure of what to say, Dean watched her for a moment. She visited Sam? Why hadn’t he said anything?

Dean shook his head. It felt surreal to be standing in the woods he’d grown up in with Y/N, knowing that he was also standing in them with Lilly. He’d tried so hard to forget about his time in the temple and everything having to do with Her, but the whole time She’d been right there with him. He’d been lied to and when he realized how he’d almost given up everything once again for someone so selfish and vile, Dean’s stomach churned. The sensation was almost as discomforting as the sudden realization that he was still in love with Y/N, no matter how hard he tried to fight it.

“So then why did you come here?” he finally asked, trying to keep some of the sharpness in his voice, and Y/N’s shoulders dropped.

“I don’t know. I didn’t intend to come to Lawrence, of all places! I just needed to see how my people lived, Dean,” she said. “I had heard things I didn’t believe until I saw how you lived, how people struggle to live and to eat and to be happy. This was never what I wanted for my people, and I had never intended to fall in love with you, but once you saw me I couldn’t just leave! I couldn’t make myself leave, Dean, I’m sorry.”

Y/N was crying again and Dean forced himself to look away. He wouldn’t fall for her lies, not again. Even if he was in love with her, whoever she was, he couldn’t be with someone he couldn’t trust.

“So what, we ate together and you decided that if you couldn’t have me as a goddess, then you’d have me as a peasant?” he spat the last word as his anger rose again at the thought and Y/N stepped back, tightening her grip on the basket’s woven handle. “That if I wouldn’t give in to your tricks and your lies and your powers in the temple, you’d force me to love you here? Is that what you decided? That you’d twist my emotions around until I had no choice but to love you?”

“I didn’t force you to do anything!” Y/N shouted. She finally released the basket and it tumbled off to the side, its contents spilling across the dry, frozen forest floor. “I would never force you to love me! Whatever you felt was entirely you; it was entirely natural and I had nothing to do with it.”

“When we first met, you said that we would “bond”. How do I know that this wasn’t some trick to make that happen, huh? And what about the handmaidens?”

“What about them?” Y/N asked. She swiped her tears away, then stiffened as Dean closed the gap between them to get in her face.

“They warned me that you’d do this, that you’d use your magic to manipulate me and make me love you. I should’ve listened to them, I was so stupid!”

Y/N shook her head and held his gaze, her own eyes filled with tears even as she held her ground. Fear radiated from her, and if he focused enough, Dean could feel her powers tugging at his emotions. He could feel her magic trying to twist them to match her own fear.

“Enough,” he growled through clenched teeth. “If you wanted to be a girl, then act like one. No more magic, Y/N. No more tricks. Have you been manipulating me this whole time?” Her powers pulled away from him, but Dean’s anger didn’t dissipate like he thought it might. He only grew angrier.

“People… There are many things people don’t understand, Dean,” she said, ignoring his threat. Her voice trembled but her gaze hardened as he pushed even further into her personal space. “They don’t understand my magic, but they also don’t understand love. When you combine those things, they will say things that aren’t true simply to convince themselves that they know more than they truly do.”

Dean’s lip twitched up in a snarl. “Is that supposed to make this better? Did you think you could just spout something off about the rest of the world being less than you and I’d fall to my knees and beg you to let me serve you again?”

“No. I love you, Dean. I didn’t realize that I was beginning to have feelings for you before I let you return to Lawrence, but once I found you again here, my feelings came to light. You have my word that I never used my powers to make you fall in love with me, not then and not now,” Y/N said. Her words were sure even though her voice continued to shake, and after a moment, she stepped back. Y/N reached down and picked up the basket, using one hand to scoop as many berries back into it as she could before she stood and smoothed down her dress.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked, watching her carefully. He wasn’t about to be blindsided again, not by her.

“I’m going to take the berries and return to my cottage. I picked these to bake you a pie and even if you won’t eat it, I’m sure someone will. I don’t want them to go to waste,” Y/N said.

Dean could tell she was trying to divert the conversation and distract herself, and he scoffed. “I never want to see you again, Y/N. I don’t want to see Lilly either. Stay away from Sammy and my mother, too.” He paused, then added, “It would be best if you left for good. If I see you again in Lawrence, I tell everyone who you really are, and this time there won’t be guards to protect you from the peoples’ anger.”

He left her after that, and he ignored Y/N’s calls for him as he headed towards the distant silhouette of Sam returning with the filled water jugs. There was only a slim sliver of evening light remaining, which meant it was time to return home anyway, but as Dean walked, he realized he’d have to break the news that they wouldn’t be working on the cabin any more. There was no point to it—he’d been tricked, and he’d lost both Lilly and Y/N in the process. He had no future, especially if he’d angered Y/N enough. Was he upset about it? Maybe, but being sad never got him anywhere. Being angry was useful. If he was angry, he would get more work done, and if he got more work done, he’d be too tired at the end of the day to think about how Y/N had dug her claws into his chest and ripped out his heart, then dangled it in front of him and taunted him with it like he was an animal meant to be trained. She’d used him for her own gains, and that hurt more than anything else in the temple ever had.

_______________

You watched Dean go in silence for a moment, and then you felt yourself calling out for him. It was instinctual. You didn’t think before you were screaming his name and begging him to change his mind. You needed to apologize, to explain. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way.

He ignored you and after a few minutes you realized that he wasn’t coming back. He’d simply left his tools and walked away, and you saw in the distance that he’d met up with Sam. The two of them talked for a minute, then headed in the opposite direction of where you were standing outside the unfinished cottage.

When you’d first arrived after using your magic, you’d been confused. You’d never had any problems returning things to their rightful homes, least of all yourself, but after you’d seen Dean, everything had made sense. Dean was your home. He’s where you felt most like yourself, powers or not. He made you feel safe and loved and everything else a person could desire in a relationship, and you weren’t even in a real relationship with him. At least, you hadn’t been when you were in the temple. Lately, ever since you’d tucked away the magical part of yourself, you’d come closer. He’d walked with you and eaten meals with you, and last night…

You shook your head and blinked away the tears that had cropped up again. You couldn’t think about last night. You hadn’t cried this much since becoming the goddess, and you hastily wiped the single spilt tear away before it could dry and leave your cheeks feeling crustier than they already did.

Sam and Dean were out of sight now, and the darkness of the early evening had fully descended upon the forest. You stood in the dark and held your basket for a long moment before it dawned on you that you truly had no other option now. You had to return to the temple and do your duty. There would be no more pretending, no more chasing after Dean or stealing moments with him when you could. That part of your life was over now, and it was your job to take care of your people. You’d gotten a taste of how they lived. You could be a better protector and provider now, even if it meant pushing every thought and every memory of Dean out of your mind.

Closing your eyes, you willed your magic to take you back to your chambers in the temple. The fireplace and the candles in your room came to life as soon as you appeared, and the thin coating of dust you’d expected was absent. Almost as soon as you’d gotten your bearings, the servant’s door opened and a temple woman stepped in.

“Your Majesty,” she murmured, dipping into a curtsy.

You gave her a courteous smile in return, but you didn’t say anything as you moved to inspect the outside of your temple from the window.

“Will you be eating those?” she asked.

Confused, you turned to look at her, and the basket you still held bumped against your shin. You looked down at it and a wave of heartbreak rolled through you.

“I— No. Please. Take it,” you stammered. You held it out for her and the handmaiden took it from her grasp. She said nothing, but her face was painted with confusion. Clearly, they’d all been wondering where you’d gone, and you suspected that you looked nothing like your usual self right now. Your magic had come back full-force as soon as you’d left Lawrence, which meant she was seeing whatever she considered to be beautiful, but your dress remained the same. It was dirty from walking through the forest and kneeling on the dirt to pick the berries, and it was stained from the time you’d spilled blackberries on it at the bakery. The stain had never come out and you’d never bothered to use your magic on it. Everyone in Lawrence had stains on their clothes from work. It had felt normal to you then. Now, however, it felt shameful and wrong.

“Leave me,” you ordered. You willed your voice into iron and it had the desired effect. The fear coming from her was palpable even without your powers and the temple woman quickly scurried back through the door from which she’d come, basket in hand.

Once she was gone, you collapsed onto the chaise and dropped your head in your hands. The silence in your chambers was overwhelming. After a moment, more tears came, and this time you let them flow. You sobbed into your hands and then you curled up on the chaise and cried into the pillow until you were exhausted.

You’d lost him. You’d lost Dean because you were foolish and you hadn’t thought about him or his family. You’d had no plan to reveal yourself, even though you would have had to at some point. Dean was right—you were selfish and deceitful and horrible. You’d tricked him and so many people, and in the end, you’d hurt them even more. You’d failed to uphold the number one thing you were supposed to do as the Goddess, which was to keep the people of Camor safe from harm. You weren’t worthy of your position anymore, and as you laid on the chaise and stared at the fire with puffy, tired eyes, you wondered if it was even worth keeping up the facade.

_______________

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duchessfics · 5 years ago

Text

A Lasting Mark Part 4

(https://ahs-gif-imagines.tumblr.com/post/171798402006/ahs-30-day-challenge-1530-character-that-i-wish)

(https://alainashuffman.tumblr.com/post/66522632737/sarah-paulson-in-piggy-piggy)

Billie x Fem!Reader x Audrey

Requested by @shineestark: I’m not saying we need a bit of Billie x reader x Audrey angst, but that’s exactly what I’m saying. reader seeing some random hate comments about her when she’s seen out with Audrey and/or Billie? reader and Billie and Audrey missing each other when they have to travel for filming? them fighting? SO MUCH POTENTIAL.

Warning(s): Angst, Relationship tension (I don’t know if that’s a warning, but just in case), use of cigarettes, cursing

Summary: You told Billie and Audrey that you didn’t mind them going on vacation without you, but as time progresses you begin to question that decision and your value in the relationship.

Word Count: 10,650

A/n: Vivi I hope I did this justice. I’m working on my angst, I promise. Although this ends resolved so... 😅 For some context Since this is in “The Lasting Mark Series” the reader is a stunt double and she has three older brothers with the oldest being a stunt double as well. I mentioned that in the first part, but if you’re confused that’s where the concept is from.

Here’s part 1, part 2 [NSFW], and part 3 [NSFW]

You watch Audrey and Billie rushing around your shared bedroom, throwing last minute items into their suitcases. However when you see the time on your phone you know that you need to go. So you hesitantly tell them, “We should have left five minutes ago…”

You hear Audrey curse in the bathroom, and something falls onto the floor. Meanwhile Billie throws the remaining clothes into their suitcases, no longer taking the time to neatly fold them. Then the actress dashes out with two stuffed toiletry bags and stuffs them in one of their checked bags. Both women zip up their respective suitcases as Audrey assures you, “That’s the last of it.”

So you take their two suitcases that are going to be checked and your girlfriends roll their carry-on suitcases in addition to their purses. It’s a good thing you’ve been weight training because both of these pieces of luggage have to be at least 60 pounds.

While walking out to the car you go over their checklist asking:

“You’ve got toothbrushes? Extra contacts? Sunglasses? Sunscreen? Chargers? Swimsuit?”

They answer yes to each one and you hope they’re right. That being so, you load everything into the trunk and get in the driver’s side to take them to the airport.

On the way there, Billie puts down the passenger’s window and lights a cigarette, making sure the ashes go outside. In response you hear a groan from the backseat.

“Bill, do you really have to do that now? I’m right behind you.”

The medium smirks and lets out a puff of smoke, resting her arm on the window’s ledge so most of the smoke blows out of the car. Then she adjusts her oversized designer sunglasses and purrs, “Honey, this is my last one before our vacation. I just need a couple minutes. Once we're there, I’ll be able to occupy myself with other…how do I put this…activities.”

You bite your lower lip in an attempt to conceal your smile when Audrey huffs, “Honestly.” Before moving to sit behind you. Billie just chuckles before teasing, “You know you love me, baby.”

The actress doesn’t respond, however when you take a glance in the rearview mirror, you see her cheeks have a pink flush to them that wasn’t there before.

Fortunately, you make up for running late by speeding along and you’re on time when you pull up to the drop off at the airport. Once you’ve parked the car you help Billie and Audrey unload all of their luggage.

After you check the trunk to make sure it’s empty Billie comes close to peck your lips and murmurs, “Goodbye, babygirl.” Then Audrey pecks your lips before reassuring you, “We’ll be back before you know it and the next time we go on vacation it will certainly be all three of us.”

The thought makes you smile and you nod before telling them, “Love you both.” Your girlfriends smile back and simultaneously reply, “Love you too.” Then you watch them walk into the airport until you can’t see them anymore and drive home.

By the time you get back to the house it’s just past noon. So you eat a light lunch of leftovers and put on some workout clothes. Once you’re dressed you head to their personal gym and workout in preparation for your stunt gig tomorrow.

Your training session ends up being a couple hours long and by the time you’re finished, both your body and your clothes are soaked with sweat. So you go to your bathroom to take a long shower.

At first, you turn the water cold to cool yourself down from all of the activity you did. After about 15 minutes, you warm up the water and finish washing yourself. The warmth soothes your sore muscles and your body feels jelly-like when you step out of the shower. It’s at that moment that your exhaustion catches up with you and since you have no other place to go, you throw on some sweatpants and a loose tee to lounge in.

Once you’re dressed you step out to the living room and lay out on the couch, halfway watching the tv show that’s on while checking your messages and Instagram to see if there’s anything from either of your girlfriends. But for the moment there’s nothing. They weren’t supposed to land in Hawaii until 7:00 your time and that’s just over an hour from now. So you continue to listen to your favorite tv show that you have seen plenty of times before while you cook dinner and meal prep for the coming week.

In the midst of cooking, your phone goes off and you see it’s your group text between you, Billie, and Audrey. After wiping your hands clean, you unlock your phone to see it’s a picture of Audrey laughing at a candlelit dinner. You can practically hear her giggles and smile at the fact that she isn’t worried about preventing her eyes from crinkling or the hint of a wrinkle on her forehead creasing. She looks truly happy and worry-free which is rare for her.

Then another photo appears and it’s at the same dinner. But this one is a selfie and Audrey looks at the camera with a grin and rosy cheeks while Billie’s face is turned to kiss Audrey’s cheek. Even though the medium doesn’t face the camera directly, you see the corner of her luscious lips curved up into a mischievous smirk. They look so happy together.

Like how they were before you came along…

But you stop yourself from going down that road.

They set this up before you came along. And you have to work anyway. That will keep you occupied. Next time you’ll be there.

You’re able to talk yourself down and text back,

You both look beautiful. ❤️ Was the flight ok?

Right away your message says read and Billie replies,

Thank you, sweetie. We made it here without a hitch. Audrey wants me to tell you she is sure you look beautiful too. 😘 We both hope your work goes well this week.

You text with them for a little longer and they tell you what it’s like there while you share some details about the job you have. After going back and forth for a half an hour, you tell them goodnight and go to bed soon after, feeling better than before texting them…

The next morning you are up before the sun rises and drive to the set for some action film. You know it involves spies and you’re standing in for one of the secondary characters to do some of the more intense fight scenes and stunts. But it’s nothing too strenuous compared to your usual gigs.

After checking in you head to the hair and makeup trailer to get in the same attire as the character. The sun is nearly rising when you step out and as you walk to the first set you’re filming at you hear a familiar voice from behind you say,

“Hey squirt.”

That makes you whip around to see your oldest brother standing there. Your grin mirrors his and you run up, giving him a hug. In response he chuckles and warns, “Don’t mess up your makeup, y/n.”

The reminder makes you backup and you give a soft apology, walking over to the filming area next to him. While walking, you ask, “How have you been? I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever. Have you talked to Mom and Dad at all? I haven’t gotten a chance to. How are Michael and Jared?”

Your brother ends your questions with a laugh and says, “Woah, one question at a time, kid.” You roll your eyes at the nickname, however the stunt director calls you both over ending any further conversation.

You and Asher focus on your work because even a small mishap can be detrimental. It turns out that the character your brother is stepping in for is the antagonist and since you’re stepping in for the sidekick of the main character quite a few of your scenes are together.

Today consists of learning, rehearsing, and filming combat scenes multiple times with multiple shots to make sure the movement and technique doesn’t look sloppy. By the time you’re finished working, the sun is setting and you feel exhausted. The number of times your brother body-slammed you and yanked you into a harsh chokehold leaves you sore. Of course you beat him up too, but he effortlessly shakes it off. Both of you walk to the makeup and hair trailer after changing into your normal clothes and Asher comments,

“You seem quiet. You tired, squirt?”

You look to him and nod with slumped shoulders. Then you ask, “You?”

He smiles and replies, “Of course. And there was this one stunt double, I think she played the sidekick,” You giggle at his teasing and he continues, “I don’t know her name, but I’ll tell you what she beat my ass today. I’m gonna need to recover a little.”

You shove him with your shoulder, both of you laughing as you say, “Shut up.” He opens the trailer door for you while saying, “Really though. You’ve gotten stronger. I knew you could beat up Jared, but now I bet you could whoop him and Michael.”

Your brother is not one to just give compliments out, so it means a lot that he actually told you that. Being 14 years younger made it hard to connect with him as a kid, but when you work like this it feels much more natural to interact with each other, adult to adult.

“Thanks. I've been working out more the past couple months and I’m glad that my efforts are paying off.” You respond.

Asher sits in one chair and you grab your phone from your bag before sitting down next to him. It’s only then that you see the 30 text messages from your group chat with your girlfriends.

While you get your makeup and wig removed you begin to read through their texts starting from the first one this morning. First is a selfie of Audrey on what looks to be a balcony in the morning light. And the words she sends with the image are

Good morning, sweetheart. ❤️

The next text is Billie replying,

Morning beautiful. 😘

Then Audrey responds,

Did you seriously text me in the same room?

to which Billie teases,

Did you seriously do the same thing? 😉😘

Their banter over texts makes you let out a soft laugh and your brother leans towards you while asking, “What’s so funny?”

Immediately you close your phone and clutch it to your chest, squeaking, “Nothing.” Your cheeks burn as he teases with a grin, “Doesn’t seem like ‘nothing.’” Then his eyes widen in realization and he says in a more serious tone, “Oh my god, do you have a boyfriend?”

That completely throws you off and your ears begin to warm up when you sputter, “What? No Ash. I—”

But he cuts you off with a deep laugh and says, “Oh you definitely do. Is that why you haven’t talked to Mom and Dad in the past couple months?” Your mind races to answer and to make matters worse, your phone buzzes and lights up with a text notification. He stands up barefaced and you try to explain, “It’s not what you think—”

“Sure, y/n. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He taunts with a grin. Then he grabs his duffle bag and slings it over his shoulder before saying, “I’ll see you tomorrow, kid.” He walks out and you let out a huff of annoyance at the misunderstanding. The makeup artist shoots you a sympathetic glance and assures you, “If it helps, I have brothers just like that.” The reassurance helps you to shrug it off and less than fifteen minutes later you’re finished and heading home.

When you enter the house, the oven’s clock shows it’s nearly 10:30. So you eat a light dinner while reading through the rest of their texts and photos. Once you’ve reached their most recent texts, you type your own, saying,

Sorry I haven’t responded at all today. I was busy working, but I’m glad you’re having a good time. ☺️ You both deserve that and more. Goodnight.

Your body aches as you climb into bed and within seconds, you’re out cold, completely spent from the day’s activities…

The next day begins the same way, waking up before the sun rises, driving to set and getting ready to shoot. However, as the makeup artist and hairstylist fix you up you watch Audrey and Billie’s Instagram stories.

Audrey’s first picture is the selfie she sent you with her hair tousled from sleep. Next is a boomerang of her clinking a glass of mimosa with another and you can tell it’s Billie just from the glimpse of her acrylic nails. She chose a bold coral color in honor of their vacation.

Finally, it’s a video showing Audrey’s legs on a lounge chair that’s partially in the water on the sun shelf of the infinity pool with the perfect view of the beach. Billie stands towards the edge and the sun beams down on them both.

Then the actress calls out Billie’s name, making her twist to face Audrey. She looks gorgeous wearing a designer, floppy hat with a brim that’s wide enough to shade her upper half and looks to be made with straw. And even though she chose a classic black one piece, there’s a deep V-neck cut that nearly reaches her navel exposing a generous amount of her skin. Only she could pull it off so effortlessly. As per usual, her oversized designer glasses are on and she gives Audrey a smile before blowing a kiss.

Billie’s story starts off with the same boomerang of their mimosas. Next is a video that begins with a view of the private beach. She slowly turns around and you see Audrey lounging on the same partially submerged chair in the sun shelf section of the pool. Their private villa stands proudly in the background and looks perfect. Then you hear her purr from behind the camera, “Hey sugar.”

Audrey wears a maroon-colored bikini that you and Billie convinced her to get shortly after you first met them. The actress was nervous that it would reveal any signs of aging she has, but both of you assured her she would look beautiful and Audrey does. She definitely looks like a stunning model. The only other thing she wears is her own designer sunglasses with a cat-eye shape to them.

She giggles at Billie’s words and playfully makes a small splash with her foot towards the woman filming. You hear Billie’s rich chuckle in the background and the next part of her story is a link to an Instagram post.

So you click on it and see it’s a photo of them kissing each other, perfectly lit by the sunset. Then you read the lengthy description alongside it:

“I’m not one to get too sentimental, but this lovely woman deserves this and more. So here you go, sweetheart: The first time we met I instantly knew you were special and ever since then I’ve realized how extraordinary you really are. You’ve been my rock, my number 1 cheerleader, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, and the best partner I’ve ever had. I love you to the moon and back and then some. I’m so glad we finally have the time to take a true vacation together. I am yours completely until the end of time.”

Your eyes smart with tears, causing the makeup artist to ask, “Is something irritating your eyes? I can remove it and start over.” You come back to reality and clear your throat before replying, “No, it’s just my allergies being difficult today. But thank you.”

Honestly you wish you could have a moment to let out your emotions. But you have work to do. So you focus on channeling those emotions into your stunts.

However, when rehearsing one of your fights with your brother, you slam him down on the mat hard enough to knock the wind out of him.

Right away you gasp and say, “I’m so sorry Asher. Are you ok?” He takes your extended hand and you help him up while he replies, “I’m good. But you may want to lighten up your Hulk smashes.”

Normally you would laugh or even smile at his teasing, but your eyes glaze over and you feel your bottom lip quivering to keep your emotions in check. That reaction makes him get serious and he asks in a lower voice, “Hey, what’s wrong, squirt?” You sniff back your tears and shake your head while replying, “It’s nothing.” He goes to say more, however the stunt director calls you back to your places.

Fortunately, you wrap up earlier than yesterday, but you feel even more worn down from both your physical activity and keeping your emotions in check. And to make matters worse, you see Billie texts you about calling tonight.

The notification goes off at the same time you and your brother are walking out to your cars and he playfully nudges you while teasing, “Your boyfriend texting you?”

Normally you would tease back, but in your aggravation, you shove him back and snap, “Will you just leave that alone?!”

He holds up his hands and cautiously replies, “My bad.” Then he keeps a little further away from you. Right away you feel horrible and when he moves to go to his car you plead, “Wait.”

He pauses, looking to you and you say with a thick voice, “I’m sorry, Ash. Today just hasn’t been the best for me. But I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He gives you a small smile and responds, “Hey, we all have shitty days. I just figured you were upset at everything and everyone.”

Then his smile widens, and he jokes, “Also I didn’t want to get my ass handed to me again.” That makes you giggle, and he joins in before telling you, “I’ll see you tomorrow, squirt.” You tell him goodbye and walk over to your own car.

Once you’re inside and seated in the driver’s seat you text Billie that you’re free to call. Less than a minute later you see her caller ID. So you take a deep breath to center yourself and answer, saying, “Hello?”

Billie’s warm voice responds, “Hey, babygirl. How are you holding up?”

Should you tell the truth? No. You don’t want to ruin their vacation. You said you would be fine and you’re going to sound fine. They deserve to have a break from the world and you’re going to grant them that.

“Darling?” Audrey says, drawing your attention. You clear your throat and reply, “Sorry. I’m just a little tired from work. But I’m doing alright. How is Hawaii? It looks beautiful from the pictures I’ve seen.”

Audrey is the first one to respond, chirping, “Oh it is beautiful. I mean, I don’t think it gets better than this. The weather is perfect, the villa is gorgeous, and the food—oh my god, It’s the best I’ve ever ate—”

Billie cuts in and says, “We would love to take you here sometime, honey.” Then the actress pipes up, “Oh yes! And we could show you the best restaurants, the cutest shops, and more. Everything's amazing.”

While you want to be the supportive girlfriend, tears sting at your eyes once again. So, you swallow the lump of emotions in your throat and try to say in a neutral voice, “I’m so happy for you both. You definitely deserve this vacation.”

Right away both women hear the tremor in your voice, but Billie shakes her head when Audrey silently gestures if she should ask about it.

Then the medium tests the waters by asking, “Besides working, do you have any other plans, sweetheart?” You try to shove the tears that spill out back into your eyes with your fists while you answer, “Honestly I’ll need a day or two to recover from this job. Otherwise I’ll probably do stuff around the house.”

By now, you’ve got yourself composed enough to joke, “So if you have a honey-do list I’ll have time to take care of it.” But it doesn’t sound like your normal voice even to you. Audrey leans closer to the phone as if desiring to give you a hug and encourages, “Well make sure to take care of yourself, darling. Don’t push yourself too much.”

You wipe your nose with a leftover napkin from a fast food run you made at some point trying to not make a sound. Then you ask, “What about you both? What are your plans?”

Both women make eye contact and hesitate for a moment. However, Billie slowly answers, “Tomorrow we’re taking a boat ride around the area. My friend owns a yacht and offered to take us. And the next day we’re planning to spend part of the day looking around at the local marketplace. The last two days are open to either just relax at the villa or go out and do something.”

You hold your head in your hand that doesn’t hold the phone and remind yourself that this week isn’t about you.

You need to be supportive.

Your forehead feels heavy against your palm as you tell them, “It sounds like a great time. I’m sure you’ll have so much fun. I-I think I’m going to say goodnight. I’ve had this massive headache all day and it’s flaring up right now. Sorry.”

Immediately Audrey gasps and asks, “It’s not from the stunts, is it? Did you hurt yourself at all? Should you go to the doctor?”

You can’t help but smile at her concern for you and you realize you feel envious, but also you just miss having your girlfriends around.

“No, I didn’t get hurt. I think it’s a caffeine headache or I’ve probably had too much sugar. But I just took medicine so I should be alright in an hour or so.”

Billie soothes, “Well we hope you get feeling better soon, babygirl. We’ll talk to you later.” You collect yourself enough to reply in your usual voice, “Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” Then Audrey quickly says, “We love you, y/n.” That feels like a punch to your gut and you wonder how you can be so selfish. You quickly reply, “Love you too.” Hanging up before you start crying…

Audrey lets out a sigh and asks, “Did we do something wrong?” Billie looks to her phone as if hoping it will give her the answer before responding, “No…I think she’s just feeling a little lonely. I mean, if her and I took a vacation while you worked or if I was the one working it wouldn’t exactly be easy.”

The actress runs her fingers through her short hair before muttering, “Shit. But what should we say? I mean we have been working hard and this was set up before we even met y/n—”

Billie comes over to sit beside Audrey and cuts her off with a kiss. She reflexively responds to the medium, melting against her chest and opening herself up completely.

After a moment, Billie breaks the kiss and leans her forehead against Audrey’s before murmuring, “We’ll just give it some time. She’s tired from work. But I’m sure she’s doing alright.” Audrey softly replies, “Ok.” Then they get ready for their evening swim, electing to skip on wearing swimsuits…

After getting so emotional the day before, you choose to turn your phone off for your last day on set. Honestly you need to keep your full attention on the stunts today.

Your first one is to jump off the top of a 15-story building while pulling a gun out of the holster on your hip to shoot up at the people on the roof. Between coordinating the jump, the fall, and you pulling out the gun, it takes at least 5 times of you doing the stunt.

Next you are shooting at people behind you as you run and jump off of the edge of the building to grab onto one of the landing skids of a helicopter before climbing into it.

That’s a complicated maneuver in itself, but you also have to do the whole thing while people are shooting at you. You don’t keep track of how many times you do that one, but it’s enough to drain nearly all your energy. And you still have one stunt left.

For this one you have to climb out of the passenger side window to get to the dash of the car. Then you hop onto the back of the car in front of you. That’s not too difficult, but you have to do all of this while the cars are moving at 70 mph. And the car you were on explodes behind you so you need to have a good grip on the car’s roof.

But you love every minute of doing these stunts. The challenge and adrenaline rush are incomparable to anything else you’ve experienced.

When the director calls a wrap for the day, both you and your brother stagger over to hair and makeup. Even though he wasn’t in every scene you were, he did some additional scenes that you weren’t in. So both of you let out a groan when you sit in the chairs making you laugh, but also groan at your sides being sore and you laugh even more at how pathetic you sound.

After recovering, your brother asks, “You got any plans for tomorrow? Maybe we can catch up without fighting each other or filming life-threatening stunts?” You let out another chuckle, but hiss at your soreness before answering, “I’m available” So you decide where to meet for lunch and say goodbye for the night…

That evening while you take an ice bath you look over the texts you missed from Billie and Audrey as well as their Instagram stories to distract you from the biting cold.

You know it will help in the long run, but ice baths are the worst.

Both of them show off the private yacht with different selfies and videos on their stories. And one of the pictures shows them both standing next to the railing so you can see the beautiful scenery behind them. Audrey is tucked so perfectly into Billie’s side, resting a hand on the arm that isn’t wrapped around her waist to keep her close to the medium.

Billie faces Audrey and dips her head so the tips of their noses touch and both women unabashedly smile at each other.

While your chest pangs because you’ve never seen them look that happy with you around, you’re still emotionally spent from the day before and you feel too sore to overthink it.

They send you a text telling you goodnight and you tell them goodnight, but that’s basically all of the interaction you have. And you feel guilty for being relieved that more wasn’t said. And yet, you desire so much more…

When you see your brother dressed in casual clothes and cleaned up, he looks quite different. He must think the same thing because he teases, “Well, you clean up pretty nice, kid.” You roll your eyes and playfully retort, “You look…acceptable.”

At that time the waiter comes to get your orders and after they’re gone, you decide to not beat around the bush, asking,

“Ok…how upset is Mom about me not calling?”

He grins and jokes, “On a scale of one to ten, you almost at Michael’s level.” That makes you snort and reply with a dramatically innocent tone, “No way. I’m her favorite.”

This time he snorts and banters, “Yeah. Her favorite girl.” You mockingly laugh before sticking out your tongue.

After taking a sip of water, Asher says, “But really, I would call them. They’re used to Michael ignoring them. But you’ve never been this disconnected before.”

You do feel guilty about neglecting your parents. But the past couple months you’ve spent every waking moment getting to know Billie and Audrey. Well…that and you didn’t know how to explain your relationship without causing panic.

You nod in understanding and assure him, “I’ll call them.” Then you smile a little as you inquire, “Speaking of Mike, have you heard anything from him? Is he still in law school?”

Your brother lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose when he replies, “As far as I know. But I haven’t spoken with him for, hell, six months. So who knows”

The both of you continue to talk about Michael attending law school and Jared getting a master’s degree in business. At one point, your food comes, and you continue to converse about family and future gigs as you eat. However, when you finish off your meal, Asher says, “Don’t kill me, but do you really have a boyfriend? I won’t get upset or anything. I’m just curious.”

You would rather be truthful with him now than have him tell his assumptions to your parents. So you take a deep breath and reply, “I don’t have a boyfriend,” then you avert your eyes, wringing your hands under the table as you continue,

“But I…I have a girlfriend. Well…technically two girlfriends.”

Your whole-body burns, and you keep quiet, bracing yourself for the worst. However, he calmly says, “Hey squirt,” You look up to see him smiling and he soothes, “I’m not mad at you. That’s not something that I would necessarily do. But it’s your life and as long as no one’s getting hurt you can do whatever the hell you want.”

You’re both shocked and grateful he doesn’t harshly judge your decision and you let out a breath of relief before saying, “Oh thank god.” But you grow serious and plead, “Please don’t tell Mom and Dad—”

He chuckles and assures you, “My lips are sealed.” And you let yourself relax back into the chair, feeling like a weight is lifted off of your chest. Meanwhile your brother finishes off his water before asking, “What’s their names? I may know them.”

You bite your lip, but slowly answer, “It’s Billie Dean Howard and Audrey Tindall.” His eyes widen and he asks, “Like…the celebrities Billie Dean Howard and Audrey Tindall?”

You stiffen up again and slowly nod, nervous about where he’s going with this.

His next question is, “Weren’t they a couple already?”

You look down to your fidgeting hands and defend, “But they’ve welcomed me in.” When you do look back up, your brother frowns and his eyes look like your mother’s when she is about to cry. Then he says in a softer tone, “Y/n. That’s a publicity stunt.”

Your heart drops to your stomach and you recoil away from him while saying, “No. They—They’ve said they love me. And they even let me move into their home.” His eyes soften even more, and he gently speaks as if not wanting to startle a feral animal,

“When does their tv special premier with Audrey starring and Billie being the inspiration?”

Your eyes well up with tears and you whimper, “Next week.”

He pauses a moment before saying, “Having you around will draw attention. And in Hollywood, any publicity is good publicity.” Tears being to slip down your cheeks as you shake your head and deny, “No Asher. You don’t understand. They’ve been so loving and supportive. They wouldn’t do that to me.”

He holds out his hand and asks, “Aren’t they in Hawaii right now?”

You nod and say, “They had this planned 6 months ago before I met them. And I had work anyways.” He gestures for you to take his hand and your trembling hand does take his.

Then he gives it a small squeeze and murmurs, “Both women have millions of dollars to their name and you’re telling me there’s no way they could find a way for you to join them? Y/n, they managed to convince their old friend that’s more like an acquaintance to take them out on her private yacht.”

You want to cry and scream along with a whole range of other emotions at one time. Your tears begin to fall faster when you whimper, “But they told me they love me. They’ve told me things they haven’t told anyone else. They’ve always treated me well.”

You brother gently shushes you and lets go of your hand to give you a napkin to wipe your eyes with. Then he soothes, “I could be wrong. But this kind of thing happens all the time. It’s nothing personal and they probably did enjoy your company.”

A hiccup of a sob escapes you and you feel like you’re going to throw up as you can’t help but wonder if he really is right. You settle yourself before making too much of a scene in the restaurant and he murmurs, “I’m sorry, squirt. I didn’t mean to upset you like that. Maybe you should go to the source and ask.”

By now you’re filled with numbness and rejection as you dumbly nod.

Your brother pays the bill and when you get to your cars, he pulls you into a bearhug, murmuring, “I’m sorry, kid. But if you need anything at all and I mean anything, I’m just a text or phone call away.”

By now you feel on autopilot from shock and flatly answer, “Thanks.” Then you head to their home and the whole car ride you feel unnaturally calm as everything begins to make sense now.

You know you shouldn’t, but you do look at their Instagram stories partially out of curiosity and partially to hate-watch when you get home.

Billie’s comes up first and it’s a picture of Audrey asleep and cuddled under the covers. The medium added the text “My sleeping beauty” and Audrey does look beautiful with her hair tousled just right and her face perfectly relaxed.

The next segment is a boomerang showing the busyness of the marketplace.

Then she has a video that begins with her front facing camera as she takes a sip from a colorful cocktail. After she flips the camera so you can see Audrey sitting across from her. Billie slides the drink towards the middle of the table while saying, “Try this.”

Audrey’s eyes narrow a little, but she slowly slides the drink towards her and takes a cautious sip. Right away her eyes widen, and she takes another sip before saying, “This is delicious!” making Billie laugh.

The last thing in her story is a picture of their hands intertwined with each other on the beach.

Audrey’s story is next and begins with a video of her in front of a large mirror. You can see Billie’s reflection in the mirror as she finishes applying her lipstick. And when she straightens up Audrey looks to her and they share a brief kiss. The text with the video says, “A makeup tutorial for that freshly kissed look on your lips.”

The second thing is a photo of Audrey holding Billie’s hand from behind as the medium guides her through the bustling market.

Finally, there is a boomerang of her kissing Billie’s cheek while Billie’s designer sunglasses reflect the gorgeous sunset and her lips sport a proud smirk.

Your heart aches at seeing them so happy without you. And you get mad at yourself for taking some pleasure in seeing their faces. That’s when you see Audrey posted a photo.

The pair stands in front of the same mirror as the one in her video. But in this one, Audrey stands in the center and Billie is behind her, wrapping both of her arms around the actress’s waist to land on her middle. Audrey grins at their reflection while Billie looks to where she places a kiss in the crook of Audrey’s neck.

You look to the photo’s caption and read,

“After my darling girlfriend posted something so nice and thoughtful, I figured I would return the favor. Billie I’ve never met someone like you. I knew the moment we talked that we shared a special connection. And we still do. I’m so honored to portray you in your upcoming tv special. You’ve made me a better person and the connection we have is unmatched. I love you more than words can express, but I thought I would try to give you a glimpse of my adoration with these words. I love you, Billie Dean Howard.”

She’s never met someone like Billie…their connection is unmatched…oh god Asher was right. You are just a pawn in their game of chess to use when it’s convenient. You’re expendable.

A broken sob escapes your throat and you crumble to the kitchen floor wondering how you could be so stupid. Your phone lights up in your hand, so you pick it up and see in between tears it’s a text from Audrey. Just seeing her name makes you cry harder while also getting infuriated at being so used.

You open your messages to see she texted,

How’s LA holding up? Still smoggy? The sky is so clear here I swear we can see every star out there. It’s crazy to think we’re both under the same stars. 💖

You laugh as you continue to weep, thinking about Audrey texting you about the stars while you’re leaning against cabinet doors as support while you break down on the kitchen floor. Then you text back,

That is crazy. LA is still standing and covered in smog as usual.

After sending that you lean back against the cabinet doors, overwhelmed with small sobs and hiccups as the implications of their “love” settle over you.

Where would you even go? Your brother could help, but still. And what if they’re upset when you end things? They could ruin your career before it even begins.

Your fists roughly rub your eyes while you angrily mutter, “How could I be so stupid? I’m such an idiot. Two A-list celebrities interested in me? Get real.”

Your tearful monologue that’s broken up by sporadic sobs is interrupted by your phone lighting up. Against your better judgement you unlock your phone to see Billie texted this time asking,

Have you been keeping up with us on Instagram? There’s some pictures on there we didn’t text you.

This time your choked laugh turns into an anguished cry. You’re beyond words so you yell at the world, banging your fist into the cabinet door while you cry. But all that does is make your hand hurt and your throat sore. So you take a shuddering breath and shakily text back,

Of course. 😘 I’m glad to see you two so happy. It makes my heart happy. ❤️

By now you’ve made it back down to small hiccups and see Billie’s texted back,

You’re always so supportive. 🥰 We were talking about going out sometime next week to wherever you want. There may be paparazzi, but we’ll make sure to have security.

You can’t help but chuckle at how accurate your brother’s prediction really was. Then you mindlessly text back,

Sounds good. I hope you have a good rest of your vacation.

Audrey is the one who replies this time with

Thank you, darling. We’ll wish you a goodnight. Love you. 💕

You recoil at those last two words and your emotions rush back to the surface. So you quickly text back,

Love you too.

Even if it will compromise your future career you need to get out of here.

So you call your one life-line. Your brother answers in a groggy voice, “Hello?” You whimper, “Sorry for waking you up Ash. But I wondered if—”

However, your throat catches and you start to cry. You say between sniffs, “You were right about them. C-Could I stay with you for a couple nights?”

Your crying wakes him up and he calmly replies, “Of course. Y/n take a couple deep breaths. You’re hyperventilating.” It’s only then that you realize it. You take a couple deep,shuddering breaths and he says, “How about you pack up what you can and come over tonight?” You sniff and answer, “O-ok.” So he says he’ll see you in a little bit.

After saying goodbye, you pull out your suitcase and stuff your clothes and knickknacks scattered throughout the house. Then you put any remaining items into your duffle bag and backpack.

As you pass through the house and take specific clothing items of theirs out of your own wardrobe, you continue to cry and feel like your heart is being ripped apart.

Walking out of the door makes you feel a painful finality, but you don’t go back, loading up your car with all of your belongings and driving to your brother’s apartment…

You manage to bring everything in one trip and when you knock on the door, your brother opens to see your eyes that are swollen from crying and broken expression. Immediately he says, “Oh, y/n.” and you crumble into his outstretched arms, whimpering into his shirt, “I’m such an idiot.”

Asher rubs your back and soothes, “You’re not an idiot. I’ve made mistakes too. How about we get your stuff in here.”

Your brother helps you carry your stuff into the darkened apartment before leading you to sit on the couch. You were nervous that your brother would reprimand you or chastise you for acting so rash. But he holds you in his familiar bear hug and soothes, “It’s ok, kid. This isn’t your fault.” By the time you’re settled to small sniffles, you can’t hardly keep your eyes open.

He seems to notice and says, “I’ll tuck you in and we can talk about it later.” You’re shocked at his kindness once again as he pulls a blanket over you. Then he murmurs a soft goodnight and you fall asleep within seconds, too exhausted to care anymore about everything that’s happened…

The next day you’re awakened by the door shutting and your eyes feel raw and sensitive from yesterday when you open them to see it’s daylight out. The beaming sun makes you sit up to see your brother kicking off his shoes with a couple grocery bags and a case of your favorite soda.

When he turns to see you up, he gives you a smile and says, “Morning, squirt.” Your voice is hoarse from crying when you ask, “What time is it?”

He slides the case of soda into the fridge while answering, “Just past 11:00.” That makes your eyes widen and you admonish, “Why didn’t you wake me up?” Your brother closes the fridge and looks at you from the kitchen answering, “Y/n, you called me at 12 in the morning and by the time you actually were laid out on the couch it was nearly 2. And who knows how long you had been crying.”

Then he walks over with the grocery bags and tells you, “I got your favorite chips and cookies. Also, I thought I remembered you liking this candy and homemade popcorn.” As he sets the items down, your lip trembles so you bite down on it, overwhelmed at his kindness.

After calming down enough to speak you rasp, “Why are you doing all of this? I wouldn’t be upset if you left me alone. You don’t have to pamper me.”

He sits next to you and drapes and arm over your shoulders before tugging you close so your head leans on his shoulder as he replies, “Because you’re my little sis and you just had your heart broken.”

Then he pauses for a beat before teasing, “Also it was this or killing them and I can’t afford the plane ticket.”

That makes you exclaim his name and shrug his arm off of you before giving it a punch. Your brother holds up his hands in mock surrender and defends, “Kidding!” Then he rubs the place you punched him while grumbling, “You didn’t have to go all beast mode on me, Hulk. I’m still recovering from being practically body slammed into another dimension.”

You smirk in satisfaction but get distracted by the throbbing in your hand and look down to see your knuckles are swollen and have gnarly darkened bruises covering them. Asher looks too and comments, “Now I know that didn’t come from one punch. What did you do, Beat someone up?”

Your face burns at the memory and you mumble, “No. Last night, when I was crying…I punched a cabinet door…multiple times.”

Your brother tries to stifle his laughter but fails miserably and jokes, “If your hand looks this rough, I’d hate to see how beat up the door is.” You turn away to hide your grin and retort, “Shut up.” He continues to laugh when he stands up and tells you, “I’ll get an icepack. You pick out something to watch.”

While he’s rummaging around in the kitchen you turn on the tv and scroll through one of his streaming subscriptions. However, your search halts when you see your phone light up.

Before you can think your phone is in your hand and you see your group chat has 15 messages. So you open it to see they sent you some pictures before asking about you.

Maybe…Maybe they do ca—

Your brother cuts off your thoughts, asking, “Is that them?” You whip around in surprise and admit, “Yeah. They asked about my day.”

He comes around to the front of the couch and hands you the ice pack before sitting beside you and advising, “I wouldn’t respond.”

You must look skeptical because he explains, “Breakups are kind of like taking off band aids. While it’s painful to just rip it off in one go, the pain is gone much faster than trying to slowly peel it off.” It breaks your heart, but you know it’s the truth. So you set your phone to the side and pick out a movie, icing your hand while eating your favorite snacks…

“Billie, she still hasn’t answered any of our texts or calls.”

If the medium had a cigarette she would be smoking it. Hell, she’d probably be through most of the pack by now. Instead she chomps on multiple pieces of mint flavored gum while pacing the room.

Audrey’s words make her pause and she theorizes, “Maybe she’s just really busy.” The actress half-heartedly agrees, but both women don’t believe that’s the case.

As a last-ditch effort, Audrey picks up her phone and says, “I’ll call her one more time.” As expected, it goes to your voicemail so she pleads, “Y/n, darling, if you could give us a call, we would appreciate it. Billie and I are worried about you not responding. So, if you could call or text either one of us that would be great. Love you.”

Those last words make you whimper when you hear them on your voicemail. Asher had gone to bed an hour ago and while you had promised you would ignore their call, you made the mistake of listening to their voicemails.

After listening to Audrey’s, you tap on Billie’s voicemail from earlier and hear her say, “Babygirl, I don’t know if you’ve been busy, but Audrey and I are concerned about you. If you get a chance to call us that would put our minds at ease. We love you and miss you so much.”

Maybe you were wrong…Your heart feels torn between your girlfriends’ words and your brother’s words. You just need some time to think. You’re already moved out anyways.

The next day your brother convinces you to spend the afternoon at Venice Beach for a little distraction. So you eat a late lunch and casually browse the local shops before ending up at the beach to watch the sunset.

On the other hand, Billie and Audrey have to take a taxi from the airport to their home and feel flabbergasted at your behavior. You seemed so happy earlier this week. Now it’s like you’ve dropped off the face of the world.

But the women go into a full-blown panic when they don’t see you or any of your personal items. This time Billie does have a cigarette to smoke and Audrey weeps while texting you,

Y/n please text us. All of your stuff is gone, and we have no idea why. We just want to talk so we can understand what changed.

You read the message to your brother and he admits, “I mean, it is true. But do you feel in a healthy place to talk to them?” You know you probably shouldn’t, but in your heart, you do want to talk to them.

So you nod and mutter, “I’m sorry.” Asher shakes his head and assures you, “Don’t be, squirt. This may bring more closure to the whole thing.” So you take a deep breath before texting back, “Ok. What time should I come over?”

Audrey lets out a sob of relief and exclaims, “Bill! She said she’ll come over!” The medium rushes over to read the text to confirm it’s real and not just a figment of their desperation. Then she takes the cigarette out of her mouth and suggests, “Say noon and we can have lunch together.”

So they ask you over for lunch and you agree, feeling a little excited to see them. At the same time, you feel nervous about confronting them, but you know they deserve an explanation…

The next morning you fix your hair in the mirror, trying to conceal your trembling hands from your brother. Fortunately, he’s occupied with the video game he plays. So you pick up your purse while stating, “I’m heading out.”

That makes him pause the game and he looks over to you when he encourages, “You’ve got this, y/n. And if you need me, I’m a phone call away.” You thank him with a small smile and walk to your car, getting in and starting to drive before you talk yourself out of going.

By the time you pull into their driveway, you feel physically ill. There is no way you can eat anything. Your whole-body trembles as you walk up to the door and you want to run away more than anything. But you press the doorbell and know you need to deal with this in order to move on.

Billie is the one to answer and if there is a perfect type of suntan, Billie has it in addition to the natural highlights in her hair from vacation. She gives you a polite smile and says, “Hello, honey.”

Right away you want to fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness. But you make yourself keep standing and stutter, “H-hi.”

The medium lets you in and murmurs, “Audrey’s in the kitchen.” You cross your arms over your chest, feeling like the space you had gotten used to living in is foreign. Billie leads you to the kitchen where you see Audrey sitting at the table.

The actress is decent enough to give you a half smile, but the tension in the room is thick enough to cut with a knife. You try to be amiable and say, “Hello.”

Her eyes are shadowed when she replies, “Hi.” In the higher tone she uses when she’s annoyed but has to keep face.

You flinch at the tone and look to the floor, your shoulders slumping forward and you cross your arms even tighter. Billie attempts to smooth things over when suggesting, “Well lunch is ready to eat—”

But you cut her off by saying, “Can we talk? I mean…I don’t think I can make myself eat right now and I-I think I should explain things.”

Audrey scoffs and Billie walks over to her while gently warning, “Audrey,”

But the actress looks at you with her bottom lip trembling as she says, “Maybe you could enlighten us as to why you just stopped responding to our texts and calls. Or how you left us stranded at the airport. Do you even realize how much we care about you? The whole time we were worried if something happened to you. And you couldn’t just respond to us once?”

By now your fists are clenched by your sides and your nostrils flare as you fire back, “Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t at your beck and call us usual. Maybe I realized what I really am to you both.”

Billie’s brows furrow and she asks, “What are you talking about?”

That makes your body steam with anger and you let out a humorless laugh before retorting, “You don’t need to keep up the act anymore. My brother told me all about what this is. All I am is some publicity stunt to promote your own careers and I was stupid enough to fall for it hook, line, and sinker!”

Audrey goes to speak, but now you are heated, and tears begin to fall out of your eyes as you yell, “I loved you! I trusted you and gave my heart to you entirely! And what do I get? Seeing my girlfriends living it up on some private beach. I saw your Instagram posts. Every single one.”

Then you look to Billie and continue, “I saw your post about Audrey being the best partner you’ve ever had!”

Then you look to Audrey and have to lower your voice so it’s less hoarse, but keep aggressive when you say, “I saw your post too. Including the description of your connection being unmatched. I saw every fucking thing.”

“I wanted to be the chill girlfriend who couldn’t be bothered. But it turns out I’m a dumb ass who would never even have a chance to be your girlfriend in the first place!”

The room goes quiet except for Audrey’s sniffing and your own from crying. Billie wipes away a stray tear with her thumb as the actress whimpers, “Y/n, others may do different things for publicity. But I swear on everything that’s not what you are to us. We love you so much.”

Then Billie says, “We regret not bringing you with us. That was unfair to put you in that position and I’m sorry your brother saw the problem with that before we did. Audrey is right though. We love you so much. If you could give us a second chance, I know we could learn from this and have an even closer relationship. But if you don’t want to, we’ll understand too.”

You have never, ever seen them this emotional and there’s no way this reaction could be ingenuine. You may not know all about them, but you do know those are expressions of heartbreak. And if this really was a publicity stunt, surely they would have let you walk out by now. But you need to make sure.

Your eyes brim with tears and you rasp, “Y-you promise this isn’t a publicity thing? I’m not being used?”

Immediately Audrey shakes her head and assures you, “No. We would never ever do that to you, y/n. Everything we have said or done with you is always genuine.” Your lips tremble as you look between them and you pause for a moment.

But you know what your heart wants. So you run over to them.

Immediately both women wrap their arms around you to hug you close and you cry, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Both women shush your apologies and one of them presses a comforting kiss to your temple while the other keeps you from collapsing in their arms. Then Billie soothes, “You don’t need to apologize, babygirl.”

Just being in their embrace provides a comfort that you have pined for since they left. The sense of safety and comfort flows through their touch and permeates to your core.

They hold you close and murmur soothing words of their own apologies while you calm back down. After waiting a couple minutes from the time you only make small sniffles, Audrey slowly asks, “Does this mean we can have a group cuddle session on the couch now?”

Her suggestion makes you smile against Billie’s blouse which feels wonderfully smooth against your face and you nod in agreement. So each woman moves to take one of your hands and you walk to the living room.

Once there, Billie pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Audrey gives her a look, but Billie puts one in her mouth, so she sounds funny keeping the cigarette in between her teeth while saying, “Listen. I’ve earned this cigarette.”

The actress can’t deny that, so she keeps quiet as Billie lights up the cigarette.

After taking a long drag, the medium lets out a sigh and visibly relaxes, rolling her shoulders back and stretching her neck. Then she brings over an ashtray and places it on the side table closest to her. Meanwhile Audrey sits towards the middle of the couch.

You sit next to her and Billie sits on your other side and the end of the couch. Once all 3 of you are seated, Billie takes the cigarette out of her mouth and purrs with a warm smile, “Come here you two.”

You snuggle up into her side so you practically sit on her lap, not bothered by the smoky scent. Then Audrey scoots close to you and wraps her arms around your middle to get even closer before burying her nose into the soft juncture between your head and shoulder to inhale your distinct scent.

The medium chuckles at how close you are when you have a whole couch to spread out on while letting out a puff of smoke. But she loves it, asking, “Feel cozy, darling?”

You nod and answer, “Yeah.” Honestly you forgot how nice this is, but your body has the muscle memory and like riding a bike you easily adjust and melt into them.

After a moment, Audrey cautiously asks, “Would you be upset if we watched some tv, love?”

It sounds nice to be distracted from your rollercoaster of emotions for a little bit, so you tell her it’s okay and she turns it to some home improvement show. Before long, she’s providing a running commentary about the design choices and things begin to feel like before.

You didn’t know this was possible, but you manage to melt into them even more, practically purring at being so cozy between their warm, inviting bodies. After she finishes off her cigarette, Billie uses her free hand to gently scratch the base of your neck, taking care to not get her fingers tangled in your hair. The sensation makes you feel all warm and tingly and you look to the medium’s honey eyes, hoping she can see how good you feel.

The medium gives you a knowing smile and softly asks, “Do you feel better, sweetheart?” You nod, looking down to conceal your demure smile while Audrey scoffs and mutters, “I can’t believe they went with a galley kitchen when they have plenty of room for an open concept. That would have looked so much better.”

Billie shares a smile with you about Audrey’s reactions. Meanwhile the actress has her feet propped up on the plush ottoman in front of the couch and leans against you, mindlessly brushing her fingers up and down the top of your thigh.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket, so you move to pull it out to see it’s your brother. His text message says, “You ok, squirt?”

Billie takes the opportunity to lightly nibble on your earlobe. You let out a giggle at the feeling and duck away, but don’t go too far. The medium chuckles and asks, “Do you feel ok, babygirl?” You look over her face and don’t feel any of the earlier insecurities you had earlier. So you answer, “I do.”

Then you bite your lip unsure how to phrase it. But you try to, starting, “I want to apologize about earlier. I was being insecure and didn’t consider you both—”

“If you start apologizing one more time, I will give you something to occupy your mouth.” Audrey warns, cutting you off. That makes you turn to see the actress’s attempt at a serious expression although her lips twitch in an attempt to keep from smiling.

You decide to play along, raising your eyebrows when you tease, “You honestly think you could top me again?”

That makes her eyes widen and she replies more as a question, “Yes?”

Billie chuckles from the other side and murmurs, “Oh Audrey, I think we’ve got ourselves a switch.” Her cheeks turn bright red and she bites her lip.

You grin and look down to your phone, texting back, “I’m good. We talked and worked things out. I’ll come over tomorrow to explain. Thank you for everything.” Then you tuck your phone back into your pocket and look to Audrey again.

Once you look down at her face you joke, “It’s ok, honey. You’ll only have to submit to both of us sometimes.”

Her mouth gapes while Billie laughs and murmurs, “I like this idea. What about you, Audrey? You think you can handle submitting to 2 women?” The actress lets out a small whimper and nods, clearly turned on by the idea. You smile at her reaction while Billie purrs, “I missed you so much, babygirl. And I think these next couple weeks will be a good time for us to become…reacquainted.”

Now your cheeks warm and you can’t help but smile when you look between their beaming faces. Then Audrey says, “Listen, I hate to ruin the mood, but I am absolutely famished. So could we order some pizza? I desperately need some greasy, American comfort food.”

The comment causes you to snort while the medium assures her, “I’ll order some pizza.” Before you can even think about it, you blurt out,

“I love you both.”

For a moment, all 3 of you go quiet and you wonder if you made a mistake. However, Audrey comes up to your face and gives you a kiss before murmuring, “I love you too, darling.”

Then Billie places one of her fingers under your chin to guide you to face her so she can kiss you. After lingering for a couple seconds, Billie parts and whispers, “I love you too. We love you so much, y/n.”

You bite your lower lip and it is nice to feel your cheeks tight from smiling instead of so many shed tears. The medium shifts so she can see both you and Audrey when she tells you, “Just give me a minute and I’ll have two pizzas on the way with your favorite toppings for my special girls.”

Without planning it, you and Audrey say thank you at the same time, making you both laugh. Billie lets out a sound of amusement while she scrolls through her phone. Once she finds the number, the medium stands up and says, “I’ll be back.” Then she steps into the kitchen to call for the pizza.

You hear her talking smoothly to the person taking your order. However after she hangs up, Billie peeks her head out and asks, “Hypothetically of course…if salad was left out for, say, nearly 5 hours would that still be good?”

You both laugh, only now remembering the intention to eat lunch and you reply, “Unfortunately, the salad is at the point of no return. Hypothetically of course.”

Billie grins and says, “Well the pizza is on the way, so we won’t be without food.” Then she disappears and you hear something being thrown away. Audrey giggles next to you, making you grin and while things aren’t perfect, there is no other place you would rather be.

Tagged: @marilynroselleprentiss, @saviorinsilk, @chokemepaulson, @versonstar, @find-me-a-constellation, @cordwliagoode, @psychobitchtess, @midnight-lestrange, @mysweetdelia, @venablesbitch, @peachesandlesbians, @nerdaroo, @cordeliafoxxe, @leskaksel, @lovelymspaulson, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in later works!

#AHS #ahs imagine #ahs fanfic #ahs murder house #ahs apocalypse #ahs roanoke #ahs billie dean howard #billie dean howard #billie dean howard imagine #Billie x Reader x Audrey #ahs audrey tindall #audrey tindall #audrey tindall imagine #audrey tindall x reader #billie dean howard x audrey tindall #ahs sarah paulson

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pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles · 4 years ago

Text

Wicked Game

Another round of the 5sos fic writing collab brought to you by @maluminspace and @h0tsos. There are so many amazing writers involved and I highly recommend checking out the event master list linked below. Thank you to the Sagittarius sorceress @sexgodashton for being very caring, patient, and kind while helping me tame this monster. Massive shout out to @ghostofmashton for the photo edits, especially Ashton’s eye. that’s my favorite. You’re a rock star. Texas girls forever, love you to bits!

Event Master List

Prompt: Chef AU with Cashton

Dialogue Prompt: “Kissing you is all I’ve thought about since the moment we met” First person to spot it in the fic and send me a screenshot gets a personalized blurb request.

Word Count: 20K+ Team Long Winded Bitch strikes again, this will be posted in multiple parts over the next couple of days. This first part is about 5K

Rating: 18+ Slash fic Strong language, alcohol and drug use, and a misogynistic and racist comment. Sexual scenes including masturbation, toys, voyeurism, oral, and anal sex.

Summary: Ashton is ready to move on with his life after his painful divorce from Luke and the demise of the restaurant they’d built together. With the help of his protegee and sous chef Hima Singh, Ashton is ready to take on opening weekend of his new restaurant Anne-Marie’s. Calum is a reporter filling in on an assignment and is surprised when his past comes back to haunt him. Hima arranges an interview that takes an unexpected turn between the two men.

Part 1

"Great job, guys, we couldn't have had a better opening weekend. Thank you so much for making it happen," Ashton told the two staff members in the kitchen who'd closed as he unlocked the back door.

"No problem boss, glad to be here. We made money this weekend. See ya tomorrow," DeSean told him as he left.

Ashton locked the door behind them and walked out into the empty dining room, his steel-toed boots echoing heavily on the distressed blonde faux hardwood floors. He stopped to adjust a few tables, double-checking sightlines and looking over the layout of the tables. The upside-down chair legs cast long shadows in the soft pink neon glow.

He looked up at the sign above the bar that read "Anne-Marie's." He smiled, not caring if anyone thought it was cheesy to name his restaurant after his mother. His mom had always been his lucky star, and he couldn't have gotten through the last couple of years without her.

"You look so serious,' a voice behind him startled him out of his thoughts.

"What the fuck Hima," Ashton yelped, clutching his chest dramatically. "I thought you were still in the kitchen."

"The guys didn't leave me anything to do so I decided to change and have a drink with you before my brother gets here," she tossed her bag and chef's coat onto a stool grinning at Ashton. She hopped up to sit on the bar before swinging her legs around as she pushed off. Landing without a wobble she reached under the bar and grabbed a bottle of black label Bushmill's Irish Whiskey and two short glasses.

"Straight for the good stuff, I like the way you think," Ashton smirked, taking a seat at the bar.

"To simply mark the occasion, of course" she poured them each a shot before adding a splash of water. She raised her glass, "Cheers to you, Boss, and to Anne-Marie's."

They clinked glasses. "Couldn't have done it without you," he replied before taking a sip.

"Awwwwww thanks Ashtton, " she grinned at him. "Damn that's good, the whiskey makes me forgive the Irish for how dreadful Guinness is. Did you see Kevin Mackie snuck in last night? I expect a write up in the Metro on Tuesday and I know you saw Patricia Bennett," she rolled her eyes at the name.

"She makes herself hard to miss," he snorted. "I missed Mackie though. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because we were busy and I didn't have time for you to get all giggly and nervous. He got the crab puffs and the Mac and Brie and inhaled them. You were right about the nutmeg; I thought he was going to lick the plate." She opened two bottles of beer before hopping back over the bar and taking a seat next to Ashton.

"How did this weekend compare to the opening of ‘Lune Rouge’? Was it as good as the first time?" Hima finished her whiskey before shaking a pack of Camel Crush cigarettes out of her bag.

"If you get ashes on the bar Paloma will flip her shit," Ashton warned.

"I'm not afraid of her," Hima snipped, but she made sure to be careful. No sense in antagonizing their temperamental main bartender.

"This opening was definitely smoother than the first one. We didn't know what the hell we were doing. The first night we ran out of duck fat and gorgonzola before the dinner rush was over. My sous chef's sister had to run to Whole Foods for emergency supplies. We got lucky the press ignored us for a couple weeks until we got a little buzz going. This time I knew what to expect but there was also more pressure," he paused, taking a pull on the bottle of beer. "This time I expected to succeed right out of the gate."

"You succeeded there," Hima stubbed her cigarette out in her empty glass. "I really need to quit."

"You could get a puff bar and start vaping," he teased.

"I'm not a fucking junior varsity cheerleader. I can take my cancer like a big girl." She checked her phone. "Ugh it's almost nine, and it's gonna take me at least thirty minutes to get home. You're closing tomorrow with me right?"

"Yeah, I'll be in around 11 all this week. Rafi is handling brunch with Gloria but I want to be here," Ashton double-checked his phone. "Tuesday I have that interview with Men's Life and they just emailed me."

Hima saw his nose scrunch up as he read. "What's wrong?"

"I thought they were sending Taj, but instead of rescheduling the interview, they're sending Calum Hood," Ashton sneered.

"Chill dude, it's not that bad," Hima was confused by the venom in his voice. "Yeah he's a bit of a goof, but he's hot and not a pretentious dickhead. They could've sent Felipe."

"True, true," he grumbled as he saw a black Honda pull up outside. "Kabir is here."

"Shit, ok see you tomorrow, Boss," she grabbed her stuff, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and ran out the door, locking it behind her.

Ashton walked through once again. He made sure the lights were off in the employee lounge. Since many of his staff members used public transport or worked two jobs, Rafi had convinced Ashton to provide his staff with a decent place to take a break and get ready before or after work. He built a small shower stall, lockers, and provided clean towels, and as his new kitchen manager, Rafi took responsibility for maintaining the space. Ashton took a last look at the bar, double-checking for any stray ashes Hima might have missed before setting the alarm, locking up, and heading home.

Calum opened the email from his editor and swore loud enough to wake the scruffy brown terrier mix snoozing at his feet.

Hey Cal,

Sorry it's such short notice but Taj's mom had an emergency and I need you to cover for him. He's interviewing Ashton Irwin, remember him? He had the Lune Rouge a few years ago. Well, he's got a new place, diverse staff and we're doing a feature. Maybe even the cover if he's really pretty. Tuesday at 2 pm I'll send you the address and details after I talk to Taj. Oh, and my friend Nick is coming into town and I told him you'd show him around. It's been a while since you had a date but you'll like him. He's kinda short, but he's got big muscles, huge dick, perfect credit. You could do a lot worse.

Call me tomorrow

Sham

This isn't good, this isn't good. Calum's mind was racing. He rubbed his temples trying to think. Taj was notoriously reliable and responsible, so if he was taking off on short notice, it must be serious. It was just his bad luck it was Ashton Irwin.

He usually covered travel and sports for Men's Life while Taj handled food and fashion. Calum didn't mind taking back food and dining for the time being. He'd started in that industry, working as a line cook while he went to school for journalism. He'd quit both when a flirty, older professor recommended him for an internship at California Culture and he managed to land a real job. Professor Davis had been highly disappointed to lose him as a student and catch him making out with her son who went to the same college. He'd found a tiny shitty apartment, spent his life on the road for work, and sent every penny he didn't need to live on to his family. He didn't even date for the longest time until he met a handsome blonde with sharp features and a sharper tongue.

He couldn't remember if it was four years ago or five, but he clearly recalled his review of Lune Rouge had not been nice. Calum was in a toxic relationship with the restaurant's sous chef at the time. He'd let his personal life spill over into his work for the first and only time. It wasn't something Calum was proud of and while he felt he owed Ashton an apology, the right time and place hadn't presented itself yet. He'd run into Ashton twice since then. The first time he was with his husband, and Calum wasn't about to humble himself in front of Luke. The second encounter came not long after their marriage broke up. Calum was dating a photographer at the time, when Ashton came to the photographer’s art show. They were briefly introduced but Ashton's chilly demeanor discouraged any further conversation, so Calum avoided him the rest of the evening. He remembered being unable to stop staring at the handsome chef with the sad eyes. He'd always hoped they'd bump into each other under better circumstances. I guess an interview will have to do.

********

Ashton sat out on his condo balcony overlooking Echo Park, taking in the night air and enjoying a second bottle of IPA. Hima was right, the opening had been a smash. Anne-Marie's had the best staff he'd ever had the pleasure of working with, and aside from a small mix up between gruyere and Havarti cheese, the opening had been smooth. The alcohol hummed in his veins as he allowed his mind to wander back five years.

Lune Rouge's opening had been a chaotic mess of brilliance, balls, and blind luck. He was a year out of culinary school, newly married, and ecstatically in love with his husband. Luke was a trust fund baby; his dad ran a major studio. He put up the funding for their restaurant which procured a prime spot in trendy West Hollywood. Ashton had the idea of taking traditional French cuisine and turning it into "pub grub." Luke created a kitschy tacky cool interior with the ambiance of fairy light curtains, vintage 90's movie posters, an eye-popping pink and aqua come scheme. Featuring a bartender who doubled as a DJ, the restaurant became an immediate hot spot.

The culinary press treated them like rock stars and it went to their head. Ashton was portrayed as the mysterious boy genius, boisterous and foul-mouthed, he ran the back of the house, oversaw the business and created the menu. Luke, who's blonde-haired blue-eyed good looks were regularly described as "angelic", was the frontman, often schmoozing in the dining room, taking song requests, or slinging drinks behind the bar. They worked so well together until they didn't.

Ashton shook his head, not allowing himself to linger on negative thoughts, not when he'd fought to regain balance. He'd spent the last year freeing himself from the wreckage of his partnership with Luke. Still, tonight after the opening, alone and overlooking the city lights, his mind kept going back to the exhilaration of that first opening night. After they stayed late with the crew for a drink to celebrate, Luke's hand wandered up Ashton's thigh causing him to almost choke on his tequila. Soon Luke started whining about all the paperwork he had to do before they could go home. The crew quickly bagged it out of there, not wanting to get roped into more work.

Ashton swallowed at the memory before glancing around at the other balconies. It was late enough most of his neighbors should be asleep. Already hard, he reached down and squeezed his bulge through the thin fabric of his pajama pants.

After letting everyone else out of Lune Rouge that first night he'd been puzzled to find Luke no longer at the bar. He heard noises coming from the office. When he opened the door, he found his husband, shirtless, and waiting for him.

Ashton slid his hand into his pants swiping his thumb across the leaking tip. He heard a sliding glass door open and froze in place until he realized it was his neighbor below him chatting on the phone. He stroked himself and let his mind wander back to Luke. It had been too long since Ashton got laid, and Luke was still the best sex he'd ever had. He shuddered and bit his lip thinking about the way Luke grinned at him as he opened the office door. Before Ashton could say a word, Luke was sinking to his knees. A bit awkward given his long legs, but it didn't take long before he was letting Ashton fuck his throat. The thought of those blue eyes looking up at him as Ash's hands tangled in those blonde curls caused a moan to slip out, and his neighbor stopped talking at the sound.

"I think somebody is having sex," he heard her whisper. He almost laughed.

His dick was twitching flat against his stomach as he ducked back inside his bedroom, kicked off his pants, and grabbed a small tube of lube. Ashton shut off the light and stepped back outside.

The breeze cooled his fevered skin as he stood there looking out at the city and stroking his dick. The idea that he could possibly be seen turned him on almost as much as his trip down memory lane. He swallowed another moan thinking about how Luke's lips felt against his, their tongues tangled until he pulled back looking at Ashton with mischief and love before giving him a wink and turning around.

Ashton's breath caught in his throat as he worked his cock thinking about it. The red and white striped pants his husband pranced around in that night had been blissful torment working him up until the moment he slid those pants down and bent over the desk.

"Come take what's yours, my love, I've been wanting you all night," he cooed, wiggling his hips.

Luke was a whiny boy when he was getting pounded, and the memory sent Ashton closer to the edge. He felt his knees tremble as he increased his speed, the city lights becoming starbursts in his vision as he edged himself closer. At the moment of release, he swore he could feel Luke pushing back against him taking him in as deep as he could go.

When Ashton opened his eyes, he found himself sweaty and streaked with his own seed. He was amazed he'd managed to stay quiet, but his neighbor was chatting away obliviously. He went back inside, cracked another beer, and took it with him into the shower, trying to focus on his day tomorrow.

It was after midnight by the time he went to bed. His body was exhausted but the adrenaline from the opening weekend hadn't quite worn off. He found himself still restless and playing on his phone. After scrolling through Instagram, he found himself looking at the page belonging to the Galway Grill-- Ashton cringed at the name-- an Irish pub and microbrewery very recently opened by Luke and his boyfriend Finn.

Ashton simmered with resentment perusing the menu; they'd recycled at least half of the Lune Rouge recipes, his creations. He'd heard they'd rushed their opening to launch the week before Anne-Marie's, and even with Daddy's deep pockets the decor looked slapped together, all flash no class. He came to a picture of the happy couple and couldn't help but notice how thin and tired Luke looked despite his huge smile. He felt a twinge of concern for his ex before pushing his phone away in disgust. Rolling out of bed, he headed to the bathroom and fished an orange prescription bottle out of the cabinet. He broke a valium in half and swallowed the smaller piece with a gulp of water straight from the faucet. He scrolled through different sounds on his phone before settling on crashing waves. He spent the next ten minutes stretching and practicing deep breathing to push out any lingering negativity and troubling thoughts. It was too late to drag up the past and there was nothing to be gained. Ashton crawled back under the duvet and sank into a deep sleep dreaming of blue eyes.

*********

Hima rolled into work a little after one, pleased to see a decent lunch crowd and multiple delivery orders going out. She ordered a chicken mojito wrap for her lunch and headed back to the office to find Ashton. She found him in his chair with his laptop open on his desk, a notebook in his lap while scrolling through his phone.

"So what's the Monday morning report, Boss?" She asked, taking a seat across from him.

Ashton was beaming as he spun the laptop around to show her. "We made 30% over our projected sales. We came in right at payroll, actually a little under if you can believe that."

"I've checked the reservation book," she responded, flashing her phone. "We're booked solid for dinner Friday and Saturday and will call is 3 pm-7 pm. We're probably going to have to do that all week."

"Whatever you need. This weekend is going to be bonkers. If you have any suggestions, I'd like to do something for the staff. That reminds me, I've got to talk to Maisie." He scribbled down a quick note.

"She's already on it," Hima laughed. "The servers who struggled are coming in for extra training with her and Dakota. I have no doubt she'll straighten them up or ship them out."

Ashton nodded as Daniel knocked on the office door to bring their lunch.

"How's it going out there? Let us know if you need anything," Ashton told him.

"We've got this, Boss, enjoy your lunch," Daniel closed the door behind him.

"He's Rafi's brother?" Hima asked before taking a big bite.

"Cousin, Gloria is his sister," Ashton replied tucking into his roasted corn and quinoa salad with queso fresco.

"Are you ready for this interview tomorrow? You look tired," Hima looked concerned.

"I am tired," he shrugged. "I just wanna get this over with. I'm thrilled we're doing so well, but that's not what the press wants to talk about."

"Don't think about it like that. Anne-Marie's will stand on her own. You've just gotta get through this week. I know it's a lot," her words were half-muffled by a napkin.

"Tomorrow is the worst of it. Mackie called and is available Tuesday at one or Thursday for dinner around four. Since he's already been here for dinner, I thought I'd let Rafi wow him this time," he told her.

"Good idea, try to keep it short because if he drinks he gets super chatty. He gave a lecture at school and came to the bar afterward; he would not shut up," she warned.

"Chatty bastard, got it," he replied and they both laughed.

Anne-Marie's was his restaurant, but he couldn't have done it without Hima. She was fresh out of culinary school working as a line cook at the Hilton when he'd discovered her a little over a year ago. Ashton only lasted four months before chafing under the corporate yoke and deciding to strike out on his own. She'd been the first person he'd hired for the restaurant, guaranteeing her first year's salary out of his own pocket. Rafi and DeSean were excellent managers for the kitchen, but Hima was a coach: she understood the business as a whole. He'd let her handle most of the press and promotion, and she'd scored two big interviews.

Gourmet Table had interviewed him last Thursday The piece wouldn't be that in-depth, but they'd spent three hours photographing food. He expected the Men's Life article to focus more on him and his personal life. Calum Hood was known for his sharp pen and take-no-prisoners style. He'd given Lune Rouge two stars and a biting review during a brief stint at California Culture before he'd become known. It was five years ago, but Ashton still had the clipping somewhere. Calum had branded Lune's food as tasty and imaginative but thought the presentation was lacking in creativity. He'd ripped into the decor, calling it "somewhere between art house and frat house," and labeled Luke and Ashton "spoiled pretty boys pretending to be chefs." Luke had brushed it off with a laugh, but it still bothered Ashton.

Unlike the Hemmings’, Ashton’s family didn't have money to throw around. He'd started at sixteen, washing dishes and peeling vegetables for Chef François at Bordeaux on Hollywood. He'd taken culinary classes after high school while working full time. Sadly, Chef François had a heart attack and retired around the time he met Luke.

"You're not listening again," Hima complained, licking her fingers. "Rafi killed it with this wrap. The chicken is amazing, but the cucumber-mint salad and the tamarind chili mayo are next fucking level."

"You're right, I'm not. Sorry about that," he pushed his plate aside.

"Ok, what's got you so rattled? You've handled the press like a champ up until now. Is it Mackie or Hood? Who needs to catch these hands?" Hima stood and assumed a fighter's stance, bouncing on her toes.

"Easy there killer, I can defend my own honor. Mackie is an irritating little mosquito. He just wants gossip, but he's got enough readers so we all have to kiss his ass. Hood gave me one of the few bad reviews we got at Lune, and it stuck. He called us frat boys and said we were trying too hard," Ashton rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed by saying it out loud.

Hima raised her eyebrows and smirked, "I love it when you're petty. You're always so perfect and Zen, it's annoying."

"My therapist would disagree. Oh shit, that reminds me," he straightened up in his chair and grabbed his phone. "I've got an appointment at 2:30. I'll be back before 4," he dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Ashton," her voice was soft but commanding, and he looked up. "I don't know what's going on, and if you don't want to tell me that's fine. I want you to take care of yourself, whatever that takes. Ok?" He nodded and she smiled, "You can tell Dr. Claire that I've confirmed her for 8 pm Saturday, and you're going to personally cook her dinner. We've got the 50th anniversary that night so maybe you could flex and make your Pavlova's? I'll get the berries myself."

"It's a deal; we can comp them champagne, too. I'd better get going before I get yelled at. She's a stickler for punctuality, I think it's a British thing."

"I'll hold things down until you get back," Hima gathered up the dishes and headed out with Ashton right behind her.

*********

Ashton drew a deep breath and exhaled through his nose as the reporter settled in the chair across from him. Kevin Mackie's column in L.A. Metro was the definitive opinion for restaurants on the West Coast. His readers loved the snarky tone, celeb sightings, and bitchy gossip that peppered his column. His reviews could make or break new restaurants.

"Let me start off by saying I love the decor of this place. It's rustic, but not in that played out, hipster-in-the-woods nonsense," he leaned in and lowered his voice towards the end of the comment with a coy smirk.

"You'll find no Mason jars here," Ashton replied, taking the bait. Kevin liked people who liked him, and his most recent column was a snarky takedown of "Pinterest style interiors." Ashton found the article tedious and uninspired, but there was no need to be antagonistic right out of the gate.

Ashton watched as the reporter ordered his lunch from their server Zia. He guessed Kevin to be in his forties, and he thought he could see fresh hair plugs, bleached blonde, and a bit of Botox. Rumor had it, he'd recently split with his long-time girlfriend over a fling with a much younger waiter. Ashton tried not to pay attention to industry gossip. However, his personal problems made their way into the column more than once, and he couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of satisfaction at the other man's problems.

After they'd both ordered, Kevin sat back and took a sip of his Pellegrino water and smacked his lips. "I was here the other night and I have to admit I was prepared to be underwhelmed. A menu based on sandwiches and comfort food sounded like an upscale Applebee's, but I really liked it despite myself. I was surprised to see your main girl was on the mature side, but she's efficient as hell so I get the trade-off."

Ashton's body tensed at the insult to Maisie, and he took a deep breath. Exhaling through his nose he forced a smile that didn't reach his eyes. Kevin was prattling on with some bit of gossip as Ashton sipped on his iced coffee.

"So let's start with something simple and ease our way into the rough stuff," Kevin set his voice recorder on the table between them. "Tell me how you formulated your top-secret house coffee blend."

Ashton broke into a wide grin as he described taking two months to travel and sample different beans, learn more about the roasting and blending process. Kevin sipped his coffee and nodded as if deep in thought, but his eyes kept wandering to Ashton's biceps. He'd been baking this morning so he smelled of cinnamon, his black t-shirt damp and clingy from sweating under his chef coat.

"So we sell the house blend all year, but we have single-source coffee that's seasonal, all of it fair trade," Ashton finished proudly.

"Coffee has always been your thing if I remember correctly," Kevin said.

"True, true, and once I started roasting my own beans it became a true obsession."

Kevin followed it up with a couple more softball questions about menu details and sandwiches. Ashton expounded on his love of food. "Cooking for someone is a simple way to show care, to be enjoyed almost as much as dining should be. Food is caring and comfort; it sustains us. It brings people together in a shared experience."

"Ooh that's a nice pull quote," Mackie chuckled. "I love when y'all have media training. It makes the bullshit flow much smoother.

Ashton seethed but said nothing. He'd watched this man's pettiness wreck a good opening, and Ashton couldn't do that to his crew. Zia brought their lunch. Ashton noticed Kevin had also ordered the chicken mojito wrap.

"This looks delicious. I think it's a nice touch that you've got so much, let's say diversity, in your restaurant. That you're actually letting them make their own food makes your menu more interesting. Not all restaurants get it. Please tell me you've seen how horribly Finn ripped you off for that tacky Irish pub," Kevin glanced up at him a tiny smirk playing on

"I haven't paid any attention to that," Ashton wanted to end the interview right there.

"Oh come on, you've had to see how much he's trying to recreate the magic you and Luke once had. The menu is tired, I don't give a fuck if he is Irish. Finn has no imagination yet fancies himself an impresario. Luke's still got it though. He even asked when I was coming here. I didn't tell him of course, I'm a professional after all."

"Of course," Ashton nodded checking out of the conversation. The reporter talked as he ate which given the wrap he was eating proved especially messy and little flecks of food kept flying his way. Ashton watched the door, nodding at customers, silently willing someone to come and save him. Kevin was still talking about himself when Hima and Zia came out of the kitchen. Ashton tried to catch their eye when he felt a hand on his arm.

"I wanna ask you about that one," Kevin leaned in so he could almost whisper.

"Who? Hima? What about her?" Ashton was pretty sure he wasn't going to like the answer.

"What's the deal? I've only ever seen you with Luke. Did your palette change that much? India must've been a real spiritual awakening for you huh?" Kevin winked at him, thinking he was clever.

Ashton controlled his breathing trying to keep his temper in check. He looked over at the reporter who kept talking oblivious to the situation.

"Who doesn't like trying something exotic. She seems like a smart cookie. She's darker than most Indian girls you see, like a rich brown butter sauce. I bet she tastes like tumeric though."

"Get out of my restaurant" Ashton hissed, his hands gripping the table to restrain himself from physical violence. "You are not going to insult my staff, my friends, in their restaurant."

Kevin started to speak but Ashton cut him off.

"Not another fucking word" he kept his voice at a low growl so as not to cause a scene. He noticed a couple of the closest tables were already watching them. "You've said enough and I'm barely holding back as it is. Get out of my restaurant, don't ever come back, don't ever speak to me again, and if you trash me in this review I promise you I will find you and fuck you up personally." Ashton stood up and Kevin flinched, the sight would have made him laugh if he hadn't been so furious. He stepped back and the reporter scrambled out of his seat leaving his lunch unfinished. Ashton walked back into the kitchen, Hima fast on his heels. He kicked the door open to the break room and headed for the speed bag hanging in the corner. He'd learned the hard way punching walls usually resulted in the wall winning the fight so he'd given himself something easier on his hands.

Hima watched him from the door, his back and biceps rippling as he went two minutes at full speed. When he finally turned around she could see the anger had cooled somewhat. She hated that her boss looked incredibly sexy when he was angry.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?" She asked when he turned back around.

"Nope, it'll just piss me off all over again, and I gotta get ready for another fucking interview. With a guy who already doesn't like me," Ashton put this coat back on and headed into the line to check on Rafi.

At least the second interview can't be worse, she thought, wishing she believed it.

*********

Calum eased his beat up Range Rover into the parking lot of Anne-Marie's amongst the Mercedes, Audi's, and Teslas. He cursed the traffic when he checked the time. He was late, and they were busy. Not a good look he thought, grabbing his bag.

He smiled at the ladies waiting for a table before introducing himself to the impossibly serene hostess. He was quickly led to a table in an alcove not far from the kitchen. As he pulled out his voice recorder and notebook, he noticed a young woman heading his way. Her black hair was knotted tightly in a bun on top of her head, and her chef's coat had a large streak of what might be hollandaise sauce. He remembered his editor, Jacqueline, telling him Anne-Marie's had a female sous chef. He checked the notes she'd given him quickly as she was stopped by a server. Hima, Culinary Institute of America graduate, 23, Indian maybe?

"Hello I'm Hima Singh, you must be Calum Hood," she greeted him. From up close, he noticed that her eyes were a rich golden brown and that her smile didn't reach her eyes. He chalked it up to her youth; his editor said she was 23 but she looked like a teenager. He mentally stopped himself there. He'd become jaded by one too many husband/wife teams in recent years trying to rebrand a post-divorce startup as a "new adventure." While the divorce was true, Calum knew Ashton's history.

"Yup that's me, it's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Hima," he shook her hand, relieved to see her relax a bit.

"Chef Irwin will be out shortly. He's helping with a problem in the back" she glanced towards the kitchen, and Calum had a feeling she was lying.

"Can I get you something while you wait? Do you like coffee? We have a house blend cold brew Chef Irwin selected himself that we roast and grind on-site," she asked motioning towards the sign listing the daily selection of teas and coffee.

"Thanks, but maybe not coffee. I'm nervous enough without more caffeine," he admitted, "but the lavender and blackberry infused lemonade sounds amazing." He smiled and her face softened.

"Absolutely," she signaled to Zia who brought Calum his drink and a basket of warm, fluffy yeast rolls with Anne Marie's cinnamon honey butter. The smell reminded Calum he'd skipped breakfast as his stomach began to rumble.

"So you're Chef Irwin's sous chef? I heard a rumor you were a partner as well," he asked, almost drooling as he tore into the soft bread, watching the steam escape.

"Yes sir," Hima's smile finally reached her eyes, and she sat down across from him. "When he got his core team together for Anne Marie's, there's three of us total. Desean and Rafi are his kitchen managers, and he gave us the opportunity to buy in as minority investors, no pun intended."

"These rolls are incredible. Please take one before I finish this whole basket and ruin my lunch. How long have the three of you worked for Ashton, excuse me, Chef Irwin?" He asked.

"Desean and Rafi were part of his Lune Rouge crew. They go way back, but he met me fresh out of school and took me under his wing," she told him.

"Did you go to CIA?" Calum was jotting down notes, getting a feel for the story.

"I wish, it's so pretty up there. My twin brother attended Brown, and I went to Johnson and Wales so we could stay close."

"You're a twin? Is he a chef as well?" Calum asked.

"Are you kidding? He's a lawyer, of course, my parents had to have one in the family," Hima laughed.

Zia appeared beside their table. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Rafi is looking for you, Hima."

A worried frown replaced her warm smile and Calum felt his nerves bubbling back up. He glanced around and caught sight of Ashton, flushed and sweaty from the heat of the kitchen, poking his head around the corner. Their eyes met, and Calum felt like he'd been hit by lightning.

Hima saw his reaction and whipped around to see what Calum was looking at. Spotting her boss she quickly excused herself and hurried to the back.

Zia cleared her throat and Calum realized she was still standing next to his table.

"Would you like to try Rafi's plantain skewers while you wait? It's my favorite thing here, and it'll leave room for whatever these geniuses cook up," she asked with a smile and a wink.

He nodded and she headed to the server station to put the order in. Calum looked around and started taking notes. The most striking thing about the decor was how they'd used diffused skylights for soft lighting to accent the Nakashima-style crafted wooden furniture. Thanks to his Mom’s love of Antiques Roadshow when he was younger Calum discovered his preference for natural grain wood and bespoke pieces. He liked the use of pastel neon signs to complement the muted green and blue tones of the mosaic tile floors and he thought the framed pictures of what he assumed were family photos of the staff provided a really nice personal touch. The largest photo was in the bar of Ashton and his mother, the restaurant's namesake, Anne Marie.

Zia set a plate down in front of him. "The boss will be out in a minute., Let me get you some more tea," she told him.

The skewers consisted of chunks of pineapple, plantain, red onion, and sweet potato grilled and dusted with chili powder and brown sugar served with a yogurt sauce for dipping.

Calum was almost finished with the first one when Ashton came out of the back, making his way towards him. The chef stopped to talk to several customers, the hostess, and Zia before he made it to Calum's table. Cal licked his fingers, wiping his hands clean with a Sani-wipe before standing up and offering a handshake.

Ashton took his hand and Calum wasn't expecting it to feel so soft. Caught off guard Calum stammered out an introduction as he sat, but he noticed Ashton just nodded, barely listening.

"If today isn't a good day we can reschedule," Calum sipped his tea, his throat suddenly dry.

"I'm here aren't I?" Ashton snapped. He folded his arms across his chest, his hazel eyes narrowing at Calum. "I still remember your first review you know."

Calum's pulse was racing. He hated confrontation, and he hadn't expected Ashton to kick off right away. He knew he'd better suck it up and apologize if this wasn't going to go completely off the rails.

"Listen, I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have been such a dickhead." As he spoke Ashton scoffed at him and Calum felt his cheeks get warm. "I was young and stupid. I let something personal affect that review. I'm sorry."

"Personal? With Luke? What do you mean by that?" Ashton went from annoyed to hostile.

Calum realized he'd said something wrong but wasn't sure what exactly. He was floundering trying to think of what to say next.

"Nothing with Luke, no no no. I was involved with Finn and we weren't getting along. It's so stupid I know, but I think you're a great chef. The new place looks incredible, and Hima is a delight."

The anger drained from Ashton's face, leaving him looking empty and sad. His head dropped to his chest, and Calum held his breath waiting for him to speak.

"I'm really sorry, it's not you, but I can't do this right now. Maybe we can reschedule or something. My apologies, but I have to get back to work," Ashton mumbled, standing up.

Calum spotted Hima watching them from the podium, chewing on her lip, her black eyes wide with concern as Ashton hurried back to the kitchen. Calum started to get up but she was too quick for him.

"Well, aren't you lucky. I'm going on my lunch and I hate to eat alone," she slid back into the seat across from him. "Please forgive my boss. He's had a rough day, but I'm better company anyway." She waved to Zia who headed their way. "You gotta try the toasted gnocchi with gorgonzola cream sauce if you like cheese, but if you want something lighter the apple carrot kale wrap is excellent too," she smiled at him, and to her relief he smiled back, both of them realizing the situation might be salvageable after all.

(A/N: y’all my tag list, much like my life, is a hot mess. I know some of what I write isn’t for everyone. If you want tagged in part 2 of this fic or my upcoming smuts, pink kink series, or dad!calum series please let me know. I apologize for my previous mistake)

@sublimehood @tea4sykes @be-ready-when-i-say-go @scribblesos @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @wildmichaelflower @castaway-cashton @damselindistressanu @notinthesameguey @cashtonasfuck @irwinkitten @mermaidcashton @malumsmermaid

#calum hood #ashton irwin #5sos writing collab #cashton smut #cashton slash #Calum Hood smut #ashton irwin smut #cashton #calum 5sos #ashton fanfic #ashton 5sos #5sos

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trillian-anders · 5 years ago

Text

chambers - ix

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: violence, angst, slow burn

word count: 4243

Description: post-endgame. Steve Rogers has passed away from old age. The one remarkable thing is that no one knew his heart would be in the condition it was. He was able to save one more life. After receiving his heart, strange things start happening. Including something that would change your life forever. (Inspired by the Netflix series of the same name.)

The wind was howling, it rattled the shutters, the windows creaking and groaning in protest. Bucky had tried the caulk the windowsill shut but it hadn’t worked. The two young men were huddled around the small stove, door open and slowly giving off heat to warm them.

“Here we go.” Bucky rubbed his dry hands together, breath coming out in little puffs in front of his face. He sat heavily down next to you, draping an arm around your shoulder as the gas for the stove finally kicked on, the heat pouring out steadily. You were wrapped in two blankets, one thrown over Bucky’s lap. You wore a winter coat, a hat, glove covered hands twisted tightly in the hand knit blanket that your mom, Sarah, had made you that last winter before she was gone.

“You can go home Buck.” You whispered, curling into him further. “Heat’s never off at your house.” Bucky scoffed, his own head covered with a thick wool hat, scarf pulled up around his rosy cheeks.

“And leave you here to freeze?” Bucky glared at you playfully, “I told you we could both go, but you’re too proud for that. I’m not going if you’re not.” You sighed heavily, Bucky’s arm pulling your shoulder in tightly, your cheek buried against his chest.

“You think my Ma is making beef stew tonight?” Bucky asked quietly. Your stomach growled at the thought, eyes dropping in exhaustion. You’d just gotten over another cold. How would pneumonia help you?

“Maybe…” You shifted against his chest, “Maybe we should go see.” Bucky grinned, laying a fat wet kiss to your cheek before helping you from the ground and turning to stove off, shutting the door with his foot.

“Let’s go.”

…

“Let’s go.” You said. The exit ramp of the Quinjet lowered, the wind howling against the sides of the ship. A hand met your shoulder and you turned.

Bucky looked haunted here. A few seconds ago when you were in the shared apartment he looked so much less hollow. Less scarred.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Leave all of your new friends. Betray Tony. You had to. This was Bucky. And you trusted Bucky. More than anything. And if what he said was true then there were five more guys just like him waiting behind this reinforced door they were about to walk up to.

“Til the end of the line Buck.” He choked, not looking at you for a moment, his hand gripping your shoulder tightly. He shook his head,

“I’m not worth all this Steve.” But you’re worth everything to me.

Everything.

…

“I’m gonna go back.” Your breath caught in your throat. It felt thick in this room. Unbreathable. Bucky looked at you sadly from across the small dining table in your apartment. The funeral was yesterday.

“When you take the stones?” His voice was unwavering. Not betraying the emotion his eyes were giving you. Your heart was breaking.

“Yeah,” You breathed, “I… I don’t belong here, I can have this second chance…” the words felt empty. How could you do this?

What about my second chance? Bucky should say. I don’t get a second chance. He should be screaming. Please scream at me. Please.

“You’re goin’ back for Peg?” He asked you very calmly. His eyes were glassy, unfocused. You felt yourself nod. Beg me to stay. Please beg me to stay.

“I love her Buck.” But I love you too. Please. Do something. Anything. Bucky nodded, standing and stepping away from the table, turning his back to you for a moment.

“Sam should get the shield.” He said. Shoulders tense, he didn’t turn back to you. “If you’re gonna do this, Sam deserves it.” You felt yourself nod, wringing your hands together. It was silent for a beat. Then a beat more. “So this is the end of the line?”

…

A fist meets your face, your head snapping back, neck cracking from impact. You stumble, fists coming up, swinging back. Making contact.

“Captain America.” The thug spat blood. “You’re much smaller in person.” The guy was a giant. Had to be on the higher end of 6’7 and pushing 400 lbs. all muscle. Slow. And dumb. Evaluate Rogers. Take him down.

You moved quickly, shield spinning to ricochet off the wall to hit him from behind making him stumble forward, your leg kicking him in the chest and stunning his lungs, fist coming to crack against his jaw and the man fell to the floor unconscious as you caught the shield.

Footsteps from above and a voice over the coms, “What about that new agent? What’s her name?” Natasha. Fucking Natasha.

“How am I supposed to know?” You grunted as you rolled the man over to grab a key card from his pocket.

“Sarah!” She yelled in triumph, “She seems very vanilla.” You didn’t know what that meant but,

“Sarah was my Mother’s name so… no thanks.” You swiped the key card for the room you were in, the mechanical door hissing and opening. This base. You remember it from other memories. The thought coming to you as Steve takes you room to room. Silently dispatching whoever is in his way. A thumb drive. It’s always some stupid little thumb drive that could totally dismantle an organization.

But this was Hydra.

And this little thumb drive was a piece of a greater puzzle, and you didn’t have the picture on the box to guide you. This base. Why was it so familiar?

Something was striking you as you forced Steve’s eyes to take one last look around the room.

There!

Right there!

A black and white photo from a newspaper. One you’ve seen before. A man and two others. Holding guns in military uniform. The man’s face in the middle circled in red.

Zemo.

You groan. Head pounding. Eyes glued shut. There was a rhythmic beeping. A heart monitor. You could feel little electrodes stuck to your face and chest. The blanket over you was yours though, not the scratchy one you knew was used in the medical ward of the compound. Your eyes slowly opened, trying to shake the exhaustion out of them, your eyes focused in the dim room on your ceiling.

This was your room still.

You felt sluggish, eyes rolling shut before opening slowly. You turned your head to see Wanda dozing off in the chair beside you, a second chair empty to her left.

Your heart monitor was on her right, along with a machine that was tracking your brain activity. One you’d seen used before during your many tests Bruce liked to run. The blinds were open, the early morning light shining through.

A glass of water was on your night stand, two little white pills beside it. Your hands found purchase beneath you and your arms shook as you pushed yourself up against the headboard. Wanda snoozed on, cheek pressed against her fist.

You shakily grabbed the water, taking a sip before taking the two pills and chugging the glass, the thirst you were feeling not even close to being quenched. You sat back heavily, fingers still wrapped around the glass as you thought back to what caused you to be in this position right now.

Zemo.

Fucking Zemo.

You know you can’t trust him. He wants what? To rebuild Hydra? A greater tomorrow? Sure. For certain people a greater tomorrow. The ones so struck by their fear and ignorance that they’d strike down anyone different than them just to have control.

He’d get rid of your medical bills.

Your parents would be financially stable again. You’d be financially stable for the first time in your life. You could move on. You could travel. You’d always wanted to travel.

These people, Wanda. Sam. Bucky.

Bucky.

Would they really care about you after all this was over? It’s been almost two weeks since you’d come to the compound. These were superficial friendships to be sure. Coworker friendships. Once you’d left you’d be forgotten. Right now they were taking care of you. But was it only because of Steve? Your hand lay over the scar on your chest.

Your heart was breaking.

Steve’s emotions were fully infused with your own. You loved these people. These people who you barely knew but you knew entirely. These people you’ve fought beside and haven’t. You didn’t know where Steve began and you ended anymore.

The memories the year before you came here were once in a blue moon. Something would strike you and then you would tumble into a memory. Something Steve would show you. Since being here they were daily and sometimes multiple times a day. Who were you anymore?

You look at your hands and you could swear for a moment they weren’t even yours.

Zemo wants your blood for obvious reasons. Even the watered down generic super serum that you’d been getting the effects from ran you at half capacity for Steve’s abilities. If Zemo got his hands on it surely he’d be able to isolate the serum and enhance it.

He didn’t want old Winter Soldiers. He wanted new ones. Ones he’d formed himself. One maybe he could become himself.

“Y/N.” Wanda’s voice was soft, sleepy. Her hands came to take the glass from you. “How are you feeling? You’ve been out for a little over a day.” Your voice was raspy, throat still dry.

“I’m okay.” You shifted in bed, looking at her, unsure, “Where’s Bucky?” You remember him being the last thing you saw before you’d entered your seizure. His arms catching you before you hit the ground, cushioning your head in his palm. His mouth forming your name, but your ears not hearing it.

The empty chair, Wanda looked at it for a second before replying, “He’s taking a shower, he’ll be back in a minute. Are you hungry?” You were ravenous.

“Yeah, I could eat.” She came back with a spread a moment later. Breakfast plate stolen with what looked like Sam’s cooking. He must have been up making breakfast already.

“What happened during your seizure?” She asked. You swallowed the fork full of eggs before replying,

“I had four memories.” Four of them. So cold. Freezing temperatures in each one. But you know that couldn’t have been entirely true. Steve told Bucky he was leaving in autumn. But it felt like you were sitting in an ice box. Something wasn’t right there.

“Hmm.” She picked at her fingernails, “What do you think of Zemo?” Her voice was soft, like she already knew, she had to. But she was asking anyway.

“I can’t.” You shook your head, “No matter how quickly he could make my problems disappear...” Your fingers rolled a piece of fuzz between them, fork lay discarded on the plate. “I feel like it would make an even greater mess of things.” Wanda nodded, shifting back in her seat.

“Do you think--” The door clicked open, Bucky shuffling in quietly and catching your eye almost immediately, his blue orbs widening.

“You’re awake!” A soft smile. It warms your heart. He looked to Wanda, handing her a cup of coffee he’d prepared for her before sitting down in the chair beside her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up, how are you feeling?” Your heart skipped a beat. A shadow in the corner of your eye and there was Steve, but he wasn’t looking at you. Forlorn eyes stared at Bucky. Your breath hitched,

“I’m okay, thanks.” Your heart began to race as you felt Steve’s eyes move to you. A chill ran down your spine. A fucking ghost he was. Bucky sipped his coffee, the strong black brew permeating it’s scent through the room. Bucky kind of always smelled like black coffee now that you thought about it. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” He cleared his throat, “Listen, I don’t know how you feel about Zemo and--”

“I’m not gonna do it Buck.” Your voice tense. His face serious suddenly. He nodded.

“Okay.” He let out a sigh of relief. “Okay.” Wanda placed her coffee mug on the end table.

“But I think we should pretend like you are going to.” She said. “If Zemo thinks you’re going to give in we could lead him into a trap.” Fingers circling the rim of the coffee mug.

“I think that’s a good idea.” You agreed. “We should talk to Sam and--”

“We aren’t using you as bait.” Bucky scoffed, turning to Wanda, “We aren’t using her as bait.” You and Wanda share a look.

“We’ll see what Sam says.” You nod to Wanda. She takes a long drink of her coffee,

“I’ll give you two a minute.” You watched her back as she left the room, shutting the door silently.

“Buck-”

“Y/N-”

You talked over each other, then silence. Both of you staring at one another. “You’re not going to be used as bait.” He started, “It’s not-- You’re not--”

“Bucky.” You lay a hand over his, the hand beneath you rough and calloused. More so than you remembered, but knuckles still split, some still healing. “Whatever it takes… Zemo is a threat. You know better than anyone that he’ll do whatever he thinks is necessary to get what he wants.” His blue eyes not leaving yours, it was intense and made you nervous, “He’ll come for me whether we do this or not.”

“So let him come for you, you’re at the fucking Avengers compound for christ sake.” He stood from the chair, stepping back to pace. “There’s a whole army worth of people here to keep him out.” He ran his metal fingers through his cropped hair, exasperatedly.

“Buck… I can do this. I may not fully be like Steve, but I’m half capacity at least. I can--”

“You don’t know how to use it, you’ll get hurt, you can barely defend yourself.”

“So show me!” You yelled, “I know all of his moves,” You tap your temple, “They’re all up here, I just need the practice.” Bucky shook his head, hands coming to his hips.

“It’s not safe,” He spoke evenly, “You’re not Captain America, Y/N.”

“No.” You sat back heavily against the pillows behind you, “I’m not, but this guy is bigger than me and you. This is about possibly saving the world and I get it, we don’t trade lives, but I can hold my own against a couple thugs,” His eyes met yours once more, a softness there, “Let me try.” He stepped closer to the bed,

“It’s not worth you getting hurt.” He said softly, fingers brushing yours. Your heart skipped.

“Show me how to not get hurt and I won’t.” You intertwined your fingers, both of you looking at your joined hands. Your heart fluttering in your chest, butterflies in your stomach, “Please… Jaime.”

He snatched his hand from yours quickly, taking a step back, eyes rapidly searching yours. Your heart dropped, “I’m sorry... Bucky.” You tried to grab his arm again but he stepped out of reach, a pang in your chest and your eyes began to water. “Bucky, please.”

“Don’t.” His voice tense, shaky, “Just don’t.” And he left.

Fuck. Fuck.

Bucky stomped down the hallway, turmoil bubbling in his chest as he reached his room, slamming the door shut. The hinges screamed in protest. His fingers an imprint on the side of the door. He gripped the short hair on his head and pulled, letting out a clenched teeth scream in aggravation, sitting on the end of his bed and resting his elbows on his knees.

Jaime.

Steve had called him that once, and only once… and that means you’ve seen… He shakes his head. Fuck. His breathing is heavy, heart aching in his chest as he remembers how Steve left.

Steve left him.

Even though they could try. It was different now, times were different now. But Steve left. Steve left him. He made a choice and he chose to leave him. He couldn’t fault Peggy. He couldn’t be angry with her for getting to keep Steve. Getting to love him. But the jealousy was there. And this feeling brewing in his chest at the sight of you, left him empty and wanting.

And confused.

So confused.

You were this soft enigma in his life. This worried presence. He didn’t know how to act around you half the time, the other half it was just like taking care of Steve all over again. But it wasn’t. It was you. You knew things about him no one else did and it was easy to forget until something like that spilled from your tongue.

Jaime.

He could almost feel Steve’s lips against his again. In that tent. Right after he’d been rescued. The desperation. The love. A chill goes down his spine. He could feel eyes on him, but when he looks around he sees nothing. It’s just him, alone in his room. The empty walls and bland neutrals he didn’t care to dress up. A pile of clothes on the chair of his desk he had yet to put away and a laptop haphazardly placed on the coffee table next to a pile of notebooks.

Memories.

Confirming kills.

Planning on things to bring up in therapy next week. Planning on things to avoid. And in that pile of notebooks is a new one, a red cover. You. Everything he knew about you. Every detail of your life. Every hospital visit, every heart failure. The names of the hearts before Steve’s. The people your body rejected. Your family. Your parents who lived in a two story house in New Jersey. They have two dogs. Your grandparents live with them. Your Mom works at a doctor’s office in the city. Your Dad is a barber. You don’t have any siblings.

It’s why your parents had banked so much on you and you avoided them when you failed.

Bucky remembers the jab he’d taken when he first met you. “So what are you going to do with your life now? Now that you have this second chance?” He regret it as soon as it left his dumb mouth. He’d really lost his touch with women. He’d watched you curl in on yourself, the disappointment and failure you’d felt amplified by the knowledge that he knew you weren’t important.

Not at the time anyway.

You were so important now. Bucky’s heart panged with the thought. It was the third time he’d seen you in a situation he couldn’t help you in. The first seizure in the coffee shop, the second when he’d walked into your apartment and saw your destroyed legs, and now with a seizure that seemed to never want to end. Bruce had been worried about brain damage. Luckily you were fine.

But you weren’t fine.

Bucky flipped through the red notebook. A picture of you smiling back at him. An article from a newspaper, tubes connected to you as they announced that after fifteen years you’d finally gotten a new heart. A little fluff piece in the local paper he’d kept after they were informed about Steve’s donation. The first time he’d actually seen you aside from the funeral.

He felt all choked up. He needed to talk to Sam before you did. He had to come up with some other plan. There had to be a way to get to Zemo first. Without using you as bait and without waiting for Zemo to come to them. There had to be some sort of Plan C.

...

“He passed the polygraph.” Sharon stated, “He excelled on the obstacle course and in hand to hand he held his own.” Arms crossed as they watched him, sitting on the other side of the two way mirror. Sam stepped into view beside her, mimicking her stance.

“What do you think?” Sam asked her.

“He might be a valuable asset.” She said optimistically.

“Bucky’s not a fan of him.”

“Bucky isn’t a fan of anyone,” Sharon scoffed. Sam shrugged, nodding.

“Have him start in the morning, take him down to the barracks.” She placed papers in a folder in front of her, shuffling and organizing them as Sam continued, “Let Eric Josten know he’s welcome on the team on a trial basis.”

Eric, your Eric, sat on the other side of that glass. A grey Avengers t-shirt stretched tightly across his chest, the polygraph machine still laying in the off position in front of him.

“Bucky really isn’t going to be happy.” Sam said to himself, exiting the interrogation hall and pressing a button to call the elevator. As he waited he contemplated how he was going to break the news to Bucky. Tomorrow was typically their day with the cadets so he had to do it tonight, but when tonight? Maybe after Bucky has eaten two full pizzas he might be sleepy and more compliant than with an empty stomach? Or maybe a text as Bucky’s about to fall asleep so maybe he wouldn’t see it until the morning even though technically he’d told him the night before?

“Sam.” Wanda entered the elevator beside him, “I need to talk to you about Y/N.” Sam hit the close door button, the elevator began to make it’s ascent.

“Is she awake?” He asked, turning towards her.

Wanda nodded and continued, “She’s not going to turn herself over to Zemo, we’ve already discussed, we think it might be possible to--” The elevator stopped, doors opening revealing Bucky on the other side. His eyes widened at the sight of Wanda, stepping in and immediately beginning,

“Wanda we aren’t using her as bait.” She huffed annoyed,

“We would all be right there, it’s not as if she’s defenseless--”

“She is defenseless, and there’s no telling what Zemo has up his sleeve,”

“We would all be a couple of yards away as he revealed his location, I would be RIGHT THERE-”

“Absolutely not, there’s only a definite amount of bases he could be at-”

“If he even is at a Hyrda base, you have no idea where he could be.”

“That’s why we would gather some intel before-”

“And how long will that take?” Sam stepped between the two Avengers as the elevator stopped again.

“Chill out, both of you.” Sam stated in his Captain voice, “We’ll discuss this as a team in our meeting tomorrow, for now let’s just make sure Y/N is making a good recovery,” The trio stepped from the elevator into the main common room, “And by the way Eric will begin training tomorrow,” Bucky’s face contorted into rage as Sam took a step back into the elevator and quickly hit close door, muffling his shouted reply as the elevator climbed once again, taking him away from his current problem and into a future one.

How were they going to do this?

How could you ever look at him again?

Your cheeks had flushed with embarrassment almost immediately. The little pet name, it had slipped from your mouth before you could even think about it. The tenderness in which he held your hand, for a minute you just forgot who you were. You forgot who you weren’t. Because that’s what this is right?

Stupid fucking Steve and his stupid fucking emotions ruining your life.

Hot tears ran down your cheeks in the moments after you were left alone in your room. How could you be so stupid? These feelings that were bubbling in your chest weren’t yours. They just weren’t. This love and affection you felt for him was one sided, it was just because of Steve. Stupid, stupid Steve and this stupid haunted heart that wouldn’t just stop.

Why you? Why these memories? Why was this fucking guy now after you? For some diluted super serum? You sunk back heavily into the sheets, tear tracks dried on your face, still hot in embarrassment. Alone.

Until you weren’t.

A gentle knock and your door opened. The soft smile, dimpled cheek, bright eyed Eric entered your room, “Hey.” He said quietly, taking note of your red eyes he came to your side quickly, taking your hand in his. They were softer than Bucky’s, his knuckles weren’t split. “What’s wrong?” You shake your head, wiping your cheeks with your free hand until he gently cupped your face.

“It’s nothing.” Your voice still watery.

“It doesn’t sound like nothing.” He was kneeling by your bed, face so close to yours. Sweet plush lips. You are vulnerable. You know you shouldn’t be doing this. That maybe it was a mistake, but you needed it. You needed it so badly. You pressed your lips to his.

He seemed shocked at first, before his hand drifted from your cheek to the nape of your neck, meeting your lips over and over in a series of small kisses that brought those butterflies back into your stomach. His tongue brushed your bottom lip and you couldn’t help but deepen the kiss. Trying to fill that hollowness in your chest. This ache that you know will never go away because it’s the hole that Steve had left for Bucky.

It’s the emptiness you felt when Bucky ran away from you, that rejection you were now using Eric to soothe.

He rested his forehead against yours, breath still mingling. “I really liked that.” He whispered, his eyes still half lidded looking at your lips.

“Me too.” And you kinda did.

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