#‘‘i dont know you’re the one that’s talking to ourself’’

[sleepy-spaceman]

i think its really funny that whenever i know the rest of my family is going out to do stuff for a few hours i go “oh boy peace and quite for a bit this is going to be so neat” and then the minute they leave i start talking to myself.

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Can u do a dad Tom holland x mom black reader where they have a 2 year old son ( Elijah ) and a 1 month old daughter (Ellie ) and his fans are being mean because your baby girl is darker than her big brother and Tom tells them to stop on a livestream but they don’t and he takes a break because he more frustrated than reader is . And the next day y/n go to Toms parents house and y’all talk about it and y/n sobs ending in fluff

YOU WONT BELIEVE THE SWEAT I HAVE DRIPPED FOR THIS ASK, I DID DO A LITTLE OVERBOARD, NICE ASK, NICE COCK 👍🏽 OH AND I MADE A MISTAKE ABOUT THE NEXT DAY THING, I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT

warnings: I DONT KNOWWW, NO SMUT BUT SËX REFRENCES- FLUFF? AND CHILDRENN NOT PROOF READ BITCHES

T.H| TITTIESSSS

Tom smiled as he posted the picture, cuddling into his small daughter as you took care of your son. You both weren’t really doing anything just binge watching Soul Eater because you refused to watch love island.

“I don’t get this show, it’s terrible” “your terrible” you chuckled at him, noticing that Ellie was slowly starting to tear up. “I think someone’s hungry yeah? Come here Ellie” you cooed, Tom picking up the small child and placing her into your arms while he took Elijah, whos currently side tracked from TV, you pulled down your, Toms, oversized shirt to feed Ellie. Smiling as she sucked the soul out of you.

“You know-“ “we can’t have sex” “but Ellie gets to get your nipples and I don’t?” “Do you want her to starve?” “No I want to have sex” he clarified, rolling your eyes you placed some of her hair behind her ear.

Toms phone started to ding and he furrowed his eyebrows, he opened his phone and read the comments “it’s the girl being darker then the boy for me” “why is Ellie darker then Elijah?” “she’s a cheater- I told you Tom” and some trying to defend “y/n is literally darker then Tom, what did you expect? I’m so sorry this is happening” “did y’all really have to put the baby in this? We all know y/n doesn’t play about her kids”

“What’s wrong Tom?” You say, now playing with Eli’s hair. Tom only frowned at you “I’m tired of people thinking that they know most, at this point it’s really annoying” “what’s wrong Thomas?” You asked, more sternly as you pulled lee away, but she starts to cry some so you put her back.

“Nothing love, you hungry though?” He asked, trying not to make you feel anyway at the moment. “No I want you to tell me what’s wrong and right now Thomas, forreal” you made eye contact with him, raising an eyebrow. “I’m not telling you y/n” he simply says, getting up forgetting his phone and walking into the kitchen.

“I have to find out myself then!” You yell, taking his phone and scrolling through your guessing comments?. You aren’t the one to scroll through his phone at any cost because you trust him entirely, but he’s pissed and you need to find out why.

Patting lees diaper you sequenced you’re eyes to read the comments, zendaya saying “they are both so cute! Where have y’all been be seen I need to come over, like right now”, Jacob B commenting “look at lil man!” And others but as you continued to scroll down you found the negative ones.

Just reading them so fast as your blood line ran cold, you didn’t notice that Tom was coming back. “Y/n stop” he says, putting the glass of water down and reaching over Eli to take the phone but you snatched it back. “Is this what they think of me? Of my kids?” You say weakly, showing him the phone as your eyes started to water.

“Don’t listen to them, we brought Eli and Lee for ourself, not for them. Let’s just take a-“ his heart dropped as tears silently trailed down your cheeks, still reading the comments. “You are only making it worse, give me the phone Y/n” “no” “give me, the phone” he said madly, not at you but at others. He reached all the way over, watching out for the kids and taking the phone without a fight.

You detached lee and fixed yourself, lifting your knee and placing her on the pad of your thigh wiping your tears and you took her small hands.

Tom only through his phone on the nightstand and turned off the TV “what are you doing?” You ask him, “let’s take a nap yeah? I’ll when we wake up I’ll do a live or something to communicate with them” he took off his shirt and sat on the bed, sighing as you only seen the back of his head, he ran his hands through his hair, not letting them, his so called ‘fans’ get to him.

Tom laid down and threw the blankets over him, turning off the light and making it as dark as possible although it was only about 1 in the evening. “I don’t think I can go to sleep” you say as he turns in your direction, “then try darling, I really don’t want us to be stressed out love” he gave a smile, playing the the loose curls in Eli’s hair while looking at you.

“Yeah okay” you nod, Tom taking lee again while you took Eli. Eli smiled as he gave you a slimy kiss “ew!” You smiled, you let out a sniffle and Eli frowned at it, kissing your nose. You giggled and wiped it off, noticing an arm around your waist trying to pull you closer you came closer, Toms hand going down to yours and putting his fingers in between yours as you did the same and gave a squeeze. “I love you, y/n” he mumbles, his thumb brushing your knuckle. “I love you too”

“Ready?” He asked, you sitting next to him and the babies are sleep, you nod, “ready”. He started the live, about two minutes in everyone started to join. He took your hand and smiled down at you, returning it you kiss his cheek. Sooner or later he had about 6-9k and he cleared his throat,” I’m pretty sure you’ve all seen the comments and I’d like to ask all of you to stop” he simply asked, the comment bar flooded of hurtful words, they weren’t gonna stop anytime soon. “Lee is a child she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, you not only hurting her your hurting my wife, MY wife” he pointed to his chest “you also hurting me, y/n doesn’t do SHIT-“ he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, rubbing his back.

“She doesn’t do shit but tries to show you how happy we are, for all of you saying that she’s cheating she isn’t, she’s been with me, do you see her skin?” He asked, looking at you and kissing your cheek “she has color, I don’t of course Ellie is going to be darker then her brother, they aren’t fucking twins!” He yells. He gets tired of it and pins one of the comments “maybe you should stick to your color and this wouldn’t of had to happen, you shouldn’t even be here”. “That’s the shit nobody should say, don’t talk to my wife like that you fuckin-“ “that’s it Thomas you asked, calm down” you whispered, his face red as his jaw is clenched, he bites his lip as he apologizes “I’m sorry, but please I just- I’ve worked so hard and found love, I found a wife. It makes me mad that you can’t accept that-that I can’t be happy without one paparazzi and news about me, I want a break and I want a family, and now that I have one none of you support me- or most” he refused to cry infront of them but is was heart clattering. “I-bye” he simply says, grabbing his phone and ending the live.

“You did your best-“ you get cut off by his phone ringing. His mom was calling, he instantly answered “yeah mom- yeah” he sighed “alright we’ll be over”. “They want us to come over” he stood up and took your hand, pulling you up with him he gave you a peck on the lips. “I love you Thomas” you wrap your arms around him. “I love you to, and I’m not going anywhere”

You and Thomas walked to the door with one car seat each in your hands, he knocked on the door and was instantly met with Sam “hey! Give them here-“ “wait give me lee!” Harry said, running up and taking the car seat from your hand making you laugh, Sam took the other and they both walked off to the kitchen with distant talks like “please be my taste tester” “I wanna take photos with you!”

Tom put the keys in your back pocket, walking in he called for his mom and she told them both to come to the livingroom. As you both walked dom sat up and gave you a hug while Nikki gave Thomas a hug. “I’m so sorry about those twats, your children are so beautiful” he rubbed your back slowly.

“Thank you” you whispered, hugging him back tightly. He let you go and rubbed your arms as he gave you a sweet smile, soon treading and Nikki gave you a hug “I love you and your children, we both support you so much and want you to know we are here for you, come sit” she stops hugging you and takes your hand, pulling you to the couch.

Tea was on the white coffee table and you and Tom sat on the mint grey couch, the couch you don’t touch if you live there. “It’s just-“ you sighed, Tom rubbing your back as you fought the tears. “I love your son so much and to think that I would ever hurt him-or you guys in anyway is just so hurtful, and having the pressure of everyone going against me and our child- comparing them as if they can stick up for themselves” you cried, you didn’t fight it. They are your family now, and forever will be. Tom didn’t like seeing you cry at all, it almost makes him cry, seeing you weep and vulnerable isn’t well for him because when he met you you were a strong, independent woman, and you still are but it hurts him too much.

“Yeah” dom nods, passing you a tissue and Tom takes it, pulling your face to him and patting under your eyes. “But they don’t matter, we are your family and we know from our hearts and our mind that you didn’t do anything wrong” Nikki weakly smiles, seeing you cry really is heart breaking, you just gave birth a month ago and depression is so severe. “We love you y/n, your child is our grandchildren no doubt” dom smiles, reaching over and holding your hand gently. “I love you, you are so important to me, our children are so important to me, just all of us in general are so important to me, so important that I’d quit anything for you, for my children, it’s us, a household, a family” Thomas pulls you close.

Eli saying “yum! YAY! More!” In the background with Sam making you laugh, he ends up running to you with a spoon filled with pasta. “Taste! Yummy!” He smiles at you, his baby face and small teeth “hurry mommy!” You smile and open your mouth Eli feeding it to you and you hum in satisfaction. “It is yummy, who made it?” You asked, “I did! I helped sam” Sam walked up to the livingroom, leaning on the wall. “I’m coming!” Harry yells, airplaning lee into the livingroom “pshhhhh” Harry does sound effects, lee laughing making you all smile. Eli jumps in your lap and looks at your face “why are you crying mommy?” You let out a chuckle “because I love all of you” “love you to mommy” he hugs you, Harry handing lee to you and hugging her back, Tom joining as Sam walks closer and sits next to you, resting his head on your shoulder and soon everyone is group hugging. “Umm- your squeezing me!” Eli whispers, everyone laughing as you all just take in the whole thing, happy that this is your new family, other then your other precious family also.

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Imagine Requested!!!

Imagine : Sirius black x daughter! Platonic obviously)) where the reader is about to start another year at Hogwarts but she doesn’t want too go because they’re finally a “proper family”

Auhtor notes: I love Harry Potter and I’m stunned I haven’t wrote many Harry Potter imagines (maybe a handful) so this was fun! I did change the narrative slightly! I loved writing this and I hope you enjoy it!

Did I proof read : 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 slightly

Rating: pg13 mentioning of sex.

Fandom : Harry potter ⚡️⚡️✨⚡️✨

Word count: ........ I honestly dont know

Hope you enjoy!

“Sweet Pea we gotta get a move on it if we are going too make the train”

Hearing your dad on the other side of your door, you huffed out, hating this - you hated that you finally got everything you wanted. Too have too leave for school! The irony didn’t lose you, you lose too consider Hogwarts you’re home then your dad found you. Now it was just a evil reminder that your leaving your home.

Laying on your bed you covered your head with the blanket rolling over you had No interest in going back too Hogwarts!

Hearing the door knock again you grumbled too yourself hearing the door open knowing your Dad popped his head into the door looking around seegin your messy room- you weren’t packed, you had Nothing packed up . Your Cat Caspain was curled up on her little cat tower chewing on her favorite toy mouse that your uncle Remus gave her last year.

Sirius blacked stepped into the room seeing the destruction of your room- the last time he was in here- it was cleaned.. you were packed and Even Caspian had her favorite little bling collar on. He’s eyes burrowed seeing the lump in the bed. He stepped over as he reached over grabbing your leg shaking it weakly, “Come on sleepy head.”

“I’m not going.”

You stated as you curled up more into the bed. Sirius would be a fool If he said he didn’t see this coming. Before he broke out of Azkaban he knew your situation- Remus fought for custody but with his condition No one thought he was a suitable parent. The women (who both you and Sirius refuse too your biological mother) was a Awful women. She was a true follower too Voldemort- and only had you because you would be a pure-blood and she was planning too give you too the Dark lord as a gift. She wanted too be the Dark lords wife and used Sirius and his heart too achieves that. Thankfully for everyone involved. Voldemort had No interested in having a daughter. So she tossed you away- where you were found by the Longbottoms then giving too the proper authority and then Sirius was arrested for the murders of Lily and James potter and you were shuffled too one foster home too another. The last one you went too before you started Hogwarts you were basically a slave. Having 9 foster siblings you cooked, cleaned, did everything for your foster parents and All you Ever wanted was a family. Then school started.

Once at school you found Hogwarts too be your home- then Remus arrived and he told you stories about your Dad.- from the first story you wished and Wished for your Dad back so you could have a real Family.

The wish was granted- the summer was amazing even hiding with Remus and Sirius you had a Dad. Even Remus became apart of your family and it was perfection but School! School was going too Ruin it.

“don’t you want too go back too see your friends?”

Grumbling you said No as Sirius chuckled, “well I. know two boys who’s heart will break if you don’t return.”

That got you too uncover your face looking at your dad as you spoke, “how you know about that?”

Sirius grinned brightly seeing his daughter face she looked so much like him it still stunned him sometimes seeing her. The same brown hair the curious eyes. Only thing different between the two was that you werne’t much into getting in trouble. But being best friend with Harry Potter you were always in trouble. Espically after last year when you left with Sirius- when Harry confessed his feelings for you.. and So did Neville longbottom.

How your dad knew about that was stunning. He spoke, “moonie talks.”

“What a gossip!” You frowned covering your face again as he chuckled grabbing the blankets pulling them down as he spoke, “what about Hermione? She can’t handle the boys alone-“

“Hermione has Ginny.- she’ll be fine.” You said grabbing your blanket again. Until he pulled your blanket off again. Looking at you. “Why don’t you want too return? You love Hogwarts.”

Sitting up you looked at him as you spoke, “I Just got you back! I don’t- I don’t want too leave- can’t I take a year off or- home school? Remus can teach me.”

He sighed heavily as he spoke, “It’s not safe- we barely got by this summer- your safer at Hogwarts”

“Dad- I don’t want too leave.”

He reached over grabbing your hand softly as he spoke, “I don’t want you too leave either but you have too- I have too take your oo the train station- I want a normal life for you y/n. And a normal experiences. And Me waving you goodbye at the train station is normal. I can rest easier if your at Hogwarts Safe.- you will come. Back for Christmas.- then this summer- hopefully I can get a safer situation for us.”

“Dad-“ you pleaded as he stood up as he pulled his wand out as he packed your bags.

“I’m going too cry at the train station don’t’ make me cry now too! Making you go back too Hogwarts is hard on me too kiddo. Besides I will write letters and we can talk whenever you want.” You sighed knowing you lost the battle as you nodded your head shifting up too your feet as you left.

“How is it possible you went a entire year without deciding between Harry Or Neville?” Hermione asked as you both sat up in your room- after the tri wizard tourment everyone was on high alert and your home has turned into the base for the order. Too get too and talk about plans. It was a busier summer then you expected. The door was opened you were happy Harry wasn’t here yet- a break from the heartthrob that is Harry Potter and the Sweetness of Neville Longbottom was something you needed. Too give your head a break.

“I don’t know! But it’s – did I tell you what Neville- Oh hI dad.”

Catching your dad grinning at th doorway you looked at him. Sirius craved this. A Normalcies. He has always wanted a large family too have a family like the potters. Whenever he visited it wa full of light and happiness and having you home- and even those the world was trouble it was Nice too stumble upon you talking about boys. Even those he didn’t want you too Date EVER! It was a normal thing for a teenage girl too talk about. Espically too her best friend. Y/N even with having Harry as her best friend was a Ray of Light. The only goodness in his life and hearing her laughing with Hermione and having the house full of the weasleys kids running around making what was once a awful place too be full of fun. Y/N got in as much trouble as the twins when it came too cleaning up the place on Molly’s request but this. Quite day where the meetings ended early and everyone was getting ready for Harrys’ arrival too hear the girls gossiping he couldn’t help but be happy that you weren’t tormented about what happened.

“dad!” You asked as he shook his head, “you know Harry’s arriving today?”

“what really?”

You said as he nodded his head, “so maybe keep the love talk about him too a minimum especially if the door is open.” You groaned reaching over grabbing the teddy bear that you have had since forever you were found with it. Sirius remembers buying it for you when you were born. You threw it at the door as he chuckled closing the door before he got the blunt of your attack. You had a wicked arm.

Twelve years later****

How! How can he be so late?

Being late was one thing- but too be late on a blistering hot day making you wait outside in the blistering hot sun and the humidity was cruel. Where is he? Looking around not seeing your fiancé anywhere. Ugh! You thought. You were suppose too be at Ginny’s and Harry’s house already too celebrate a birthday of their son.

Your eyes were closed too Shield ourself from the sun as you waited . All of the sudden you felt soft lips press on your neck. Knowing exactly whom it was. You smiled letting Neville kiss your neck.

“sorry I’m late love.”

Opening your eyes looking over your shoulder seeing Neville. You smiled, “why you late babe?”

He smiled kissing you on the lips. “Because I’m a stupid- stupid man making someone like you wait”

You couldn’t hold the laughter in hearing him say that. He chuckled softly realizing how corny that sounded as you got up wrapping your arms around his neck.

It’s been over twelve years since your dad died. Going thru that portal. Leaving you a official orphan again.it was hard too move on. Harry after Sirius died. Shoved you away. He didn’t want you involved in anything that involved the Horcux’s or anything with Voldemort. The only saving grace was Neville. He’s Soft soul, his determination too protect the Hogwarts students when Severus took over as the headmaster. Being the last too the party too realize you loved Neville all along was typical. You never understand your own feelings. It’s why it took so long too agree too marry. Neville asked yo right after the battle of Hogwarts and you laughe.d and it got too the point that he said you had too ask. Wanting the whole nine yards. The romantic gestures the roses, if Neville had he’s way he would have you writing in the clouds how much you loved him. What really happened was you both were fighting over something silly and you blurted out how can you have such a stupid husband. Then he corrected you and your big eyes grew larger as you told him too fix that then.

Then Neville lunged towards his nightstand pulling out he’s gran wedding Ring. That he had tucked away for 11 years. Waiting too have it on your finger.

With Remus Gone, Sirius Gone, even Dumbledore you asked Hagrid too walk you down the aisle. Who was deeply honoured. You and Neville convinced / begged headmisstress mcCgonal too allow you too have a small wedding at Hogwarts. Which she gladly accepted. The wedding was next week.

‘whoa- that is some bull if I ever heard it.” He chuckled kissing you quickly wrapping his arms around you. “I was getting you a push present.”

Your head titled looking up at Neville, “babe- Push presents are for when I givebirth too your baby.”

He realized his mistake as he groaned covering his face with his hands freeing you. But you freed his hands from his face as he spoke, “I meant a wedding gift- I found you a push present for when you give birth.” You chuckled hearing that. Smiling, “oh yea? Thinking about that already huh?”

He chuckled getting more at ease letting himself forget the embarrassment he just caused himself. Leaning his forehead too yours. “I’ve been ready since we graduated” you chuckled hearing that stealing a kiss. “I know. But you know my motto- first comes love. Then comes marriage then comes-“

“me with a baby carriage I know- you know that motto is a bit shorter by this time next week. Just me with a baby carriage. Next.” You chuckled reaching up kissing him. “Come on Daddy we gotta go. Were already late.”

Neville blushed hearing that as he grabbed your hand as you appriacate too Harry’s home.

You didn’t see him.

A black dog was sitting in the alley watching you listening into your conversation with Neville. The dog strolled into the alley and disappeared.

“How long until Neville is begging for a baby?” Ginny asked as you laughed standing in the girls bedroom, your old bed was in the corner. Thankful it was summer so the schoo was empty. the boys were getting ready in the boys room. You laughed as Hermione stood up pinching at your dress. “It’s a bit stug” you bite your bottom lip worried about that you figured it would be but also hoped it wouldn’t. Ginny stood up walking over helping too close the clasp of your dress. “Impossible!”Hermione begin a genius waved her wand and fixed your dress as you turned too them. As Hermione looked at you. “Oh goodness- he can’t beg can he- are you pregnate?” Your eyes grew large as you spoke, “How-“

“that glow-“

“you mean that buckets of sweat!” Ginny commented looking at you. Seeing it herself. She was stunned as you spoke up, “Neville doesn’t know! So Zip it!”

They huddled over hugging you tightly as you hugged them. Getting too your reception tent you stood in there waiting for the wedding too start you felt a twinge of sadness thinking about your dad. You wished he was here. But Hagrid wore he’s best attire and was telling you stories about your first year at Hogwarts.you smiled until you heard a voice you haven’t heard in years.

“Sweet pea- your breathtaking.”

You turned fast seeing your dad as you gasped dashing over bulldozing your dad as you hugged him. “Where you been?- how- you died/“

Hearing the music starting Hagrid said it was time. As he walked out. Knowing it should be Sirius who walks you down. You looked at your dad stunned as he offered his arm. “Can I please.”

You nodded your head, “I have so many questions.”

“I’ll answers all of them- later this is a big day.”

Stunned that as all you were so was everyone at the wedding. And at the reception everyone begged for details espically Harry who tested Sirius like Lupin has done in the past, Sirius answered every question and he promised too tell you all tomorrow but tonight Sirius wanted too enjoy the wedding. Seeing you happy was his happiest, when the mother and son dance started Sirius asked too dance with you, of course you accepted

*****Bonus telling Neville and Sirius your pregnate****

Men are clueless- Every women at your wedding Knew what was up when you refused any adult beverage. Neville assumed you didn’t want too forget a thing. Which he thought was Sweet. Nothing else. Even Sirius did’t clue in. Molly Weasley, the headmisstress Every female congratulated you on both a marriage and a baby. You had too tel them all too shut up cause Neville didn’t know yet.

That was a week ago. You wanted too tell Neville sooner but with your father coming back too life, and your Honeymoon where Neville barely let you out of bed. Since the boy wanted a family with you for years, and the only thing stopping you was the fact you wanted too be married first, and after years of begging he finally got his wish, and you wanted a family too. But being pregnant already you felt slightly selfish with not telling him. But it was a GOOD HONEYMOON! So it wasn’t the time. But now you were home. Sitting with Neville and your dad as you spoke, “I should of told you- sooner.. espically since Everyone seems too know now..”

“what’s wrong?” Neville asked as he reached over grabbing your hand. You grabbed his hand with your free hand as bluntly told him. “Ive- I’m two months pregnate.”

You expected Neville too bulldoze you and hug you. What happened was he fainted you gasped as Sirius stepped over hugging you tightly. As you gasped asking if Neville was alright.

After a few moments Neville woke up as he spoke, ‘How- months? How? We were careful.”

Looking at him stunned as you spoke, “aren’t you happy?”

“babe. I am- I just0 how?”

Rubbing your head as you spoke, “remember that musical we went too see- the-“ you clinched your face not wanting too bluntly say you had “sexy” time in a alleyway because neither of you could wait too get home, you did NOT want too say that Infront of your FATHER!! Neville face went blank as you spoke, “good effort at the honeymoon those.” Sirius chuckled at your awful joke as he spoke, “I am so happy for yu sweet pea”

Looking at your dad you spoke, “Don’t you dare leave again- I will never forgive you”

“I wont.”

A baby!’ Neville said again before fainting for a second time. ‘

“Oh Nev.”

@xthemediatorx

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Okay I think we need some good old fluff to make up for the angst, so what if Dabi and his girl are trying to get their baby girl to say her first word, after a long day of trying but failing dabi is putting her to bed while his girl is in the shower when his daughter gently touches his cheek with her hand and says 'dada'

"Its very yummy the food! Isn't it Rei?" You cooed as Dabi snorted, smirking at your glare. "You like mommy's food huh? Can you say it baby? Any words at all?" Your baby only made boises which you and Dabi were too used to.

Both of you sighed in defeat as Dabi plopped down on a chair and you just continue feading your baby... trying to maintain her and the place most clean as possible.

Half of the day you and Dabi were trying to get Rei to say her first words... and you lost count already on how many times you scolded and slapped Dabi when he tried to teach a curse word while showing a photo of the number one hero. While the indigo haired man himself only scowled at you whenever you tried to teach Rei to say your tittle first than his.

"Mama is boring uh? That's why you wont say anything." He smirked as you scowled and picked up the baby carefully in his arms, mindfull of her tiny hands trying to grab onto his piercings. "Talk to dada instead dolly, uh? Dada is more coller anyway."

"Yeah yeah says the burnt chicken nugget." You grumbled as he glared at you.

"If our daughter calls me this instead of dad im going to blame your ass on it sweetcheeks."

"And if she let out a curse you might as well sleep on the damn sofa." You rested your head on your palm and smiled how he widened his eyes, holding Rei close as if you were going to attack them both.

"... ouch." He spoke, managing to break your stoic face and laugh, causing him to smirk at both sides of his two girls laughing because of him.

"You're such a dummy you know that?" You said between giggles as be aproached you and kissed your lips with his daughter securely on one of his arms.

"Hm, but your dummy though." Tje baby cooed while clapping her hands in glee, her laughter filling yours and your boyfriend's hearts with warm and love. "Seems like she at least enjoy her parents show of affection."

"Good. There are some children who hate these things." You standed up with a sigh, screching your arms up "Can you put her to bed this time? I think I need a shower?"

"Ya sure?" He smirked "I think that you will meed another shower after she goes to sleep because-" he let out a monotonous ouch whem you flipped his nose in unamusent.

"No funny business tonight mister horny guy." You yelped when he playfully slapped your bum on his way out and shot you a smirk as for good measure.

The baby though started to make grabby hands towatds you and started to whimper. Dabi catching on that immediately.

"Aaahh? Miss your mama already my little doll?" He frowned a bit when Rei started to sniff and whimper a bit more loudly before he started to rock her "Oi, she is not going far away anytime soon, she is stuck with dada... and I hope she doesn't leave as well, but she won't." He smirked when he finally got his daughter's attention.

Rocking softly her next to the crib he hummed a little tune, one where his daughter quickly caught on. Humming the best she could along with him.

Smilling softly, he slowly and carefilly put her down on his crib, carresing her chubby cheek with his fingers.

"Nighttime dolly, or else dada and mama wont be able to have some time for ourselfs darling."

"Dada!" She exclaimed while making grabby hands at him.

...uh? UH?!

Immediatly picking her up again, screw bedtime, he brought her close to his face with wide eyes.

"What was that?" He whispered as his daughter repeat the words again "H-holy sh-(Y/n)! (Y/N)! GET YOUR BEAUTIFUL ASS OUT OF THE SHOWER! NOW!" he almost ran out of the baby's room and literally kicked the bathroom's door, making you yelp.

"Dabi! What the-?!" You stopped when he was holding your baby girl like simba style and showed her to you like a excited toddler showing their parents their first drawing.

"She said her first words! Suck it! It was dada!" You widened your eyes befofe letting out a gasp when Rei repeated and confirmed what Dabi said out loud.

"Oh my gosh!" You exclaimed with tears in your eyes while grabbing a giggling Rei in your arms "aaaawwww my baBY!" You rubbed your cheek against her smooth one, making while Dabi muffled his laughter with his hands.

"Say it again babydoll! Cmon!" He smiled widely, one sign that would actually terrify anyone, except you or his daughter, one thing he loved to the core about the little family he had created with you.

"Dada!!!" She exclaimed louder while you cooed harder. Making grabby hands towards Dabi as he reduced his laughter to soft chuckles as he grabbed each tiny hand of his daughter to put them on his cheeks.

"Yeah.. Its me." He sighed while touching foreheads with Rei "Its dada." He smiled softly at both you two as you kissed Rei's little head.

"So unfair.." you pouted playfully as Fabi standed on his normal height "Of course she would be a daddy's girl."

"Aw dont be jealous dollface." He smirked checkily while wrapping one arm around your waist and bring you to his chest "Both of you are Daddy's girls." He growled in your ear as you playfully slapped his shoulders, making him chuckle and embrace the both creatures he loved the most and vowed to protect.

[zmayadw]

Evening all :)

Hope you all had a nice few days :)

Anyway, here is the next part.

Enjoy your evening!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 16

The sun was out already when i woke up the next day. Jake was still asleep next to me. He looked so peacful, no worry showing on his face. I smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek, running my hand through his hair. „'Morning, sleepyhead.“ I said, nibbling softly at his ear. He smiled, his eyes still closed. „Are you trying to kill me? I'm so sore from all the fun we had yesterday, i'm not sure i'll be able to get out of bed.“ I laughed at it „Don't worry, i'll let you rest.“ Adding, kissing him on the neck „At least for the morning.“ Now he laughed, taking the pillow form under his head, throwing it at me. „You're crazy.“ He said turning, giving me a long kiss. „You're welcome to take a shower.“ I told him „it might ease some of the soreness off.“ „That's not a bad idea.“ He gave me one more kiss, getting out of the bed. As he neared the bathroom doors, i asked „Is it ok if i turn my phone now?“ „Oh, i forgot.“ He said, going to the desk, unpluging my phone, handing it to me. „It's fine, you can use it normaly.“ „Thanks.“ I turned it on, checking a few messages i got while it was off. One was from Jessy, asking if i contacted Jake. I chuckled, thinking how Jessy will be thrown out of her shoes when i tell her about all that happened with him. I replied to her, asking if she wants to meet for coffee later. I checked other messages, and tensed a bit when i saw the one from Phil. „Hey gorgeous, hope you ok. Havent heard from you for a while, just checking up on you. Don't be a stranger ;)“ Shit, i tought, i forgot about Phil. I threw my phone on the bed, burrying my face in the pillow. Ah, crap. I will have to talk to Phil soon, and i dreaded it. He was always nice to me, and i was willing to give him a chance if things with Jake didnt turn out like this. I took my phone back, replying to Phil „Hey, hey, all is fine. Been bussy working. But thanks for checking up on me! Will come to Aurora for a drink soon, promise! :) „ Jessy replied in the mean time, telling she is free arround 13h, and i replied confirming our meeting. Phil also replied. „Glad to hear you ok! Dont work yourself out, take a break ;) See you soon, gorgeous.“ Bah, i tought, throwing my phone back to bed. I so didnt want to have another talk with Phil. Even tho he said he would be fine, i knew it wouldnt go easy on him. He really was into me, and i didnt feel good knowing what i had to do. I got lost in my toughts, that i havent noticed Jake was standing at the bathrom door, looking at me curiously. „Everything ok?“ he asked. I sighed, giving him a small smile „It will be.“ „You sure?“ he asked, and i could see he wasnt sattisfied with my answer. „Yes, Jake, im sure. Its nothing that cant wait.“ I said giving him a bit better smile. He looked at me a bit skeptically „Alright, if you say so.“ My phone rang then, and i was grateful for it. I really didnt want to talk to Jake about Phil, at least not right now. Jake got agitated at my phone as i took it, answering it a bit surprised. „Hannah?“ i said, and i saw Jake was being confused as much as me. „Hello, Maya.“ She replied cheerfuly „Hope i'm not disturbing you.“ „Ofcours not.“ I told her „Whats up?“ „Well, i called to ask if you are free tonight? I'm inviting everyone for drinks at the Aurora. I'v got some good news to share with you all.“ „Ofcourse!“ i told her cheerfuly. „Great.“ She chimed from the other side. „You we'r the last one i needed to call. I tried yesterday, but your phone was unreachable.“ „Yeah, i turned it off, wanted some peace while working, sorry.“ I said sounding apologetically, looking at Jake. He just grinned at me. „No need to apologise, i understand. Well, i do have someoe else to contact.“ She said „I dont suppose you heard from or seen my half-brother recently?“ „Jake?“ i asked, trying to sound surprised, and he looked at me rising his eyebrows. „No, sorry, i havent seen him, or talked to him recently.“ „Hmm, i called him few times, but he didnt answer or called me back.“ She said, sounding a bit worried. „Im sure hes fine.“ I told her, grinning at Jake., him shaking his head at

me. „Yeah, you're probably right. Anyway, i have to go now. Cya tonight, arround nine.“ „Cya tonight, Hannah.“ I lovered my phone, Jake asking „What was that about?“ „Well“ i started „Hannah wants for all of us to meet at the Aurora tonight, she has some news she wants to share.“ I looked at him inquiry. „Dont look at me, i have no clue what she wants.“ „Hmm, i guess we'll find out tonight then.“ I said. I looked at him „By the way, was it ok i told her i havent seen you? I mean, we havent really talked ourselves about all of this.“ He smiled, sitting next to me. „Its fine, Maya.“ He took my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. „Maybe we should keep it to ourselfs for a while.“ He said, but looked at me with a grin „Even tho i dont care who knows.“ I grinned „Same here.“ „Hmm, you sure about that?“ he asked, and i looked puzzled at him. „Well, we are meeting Hannah at Aurora tonight, and i know one person there who would care.“ Shit, i tought. „If you mean Phil, im very well aware of it.“ I said, getting up from the bed. I got a bit annoyed by Jakes words, even tho i knew he was right. „Maya“ Jake started, and i looked back at him. His eyes met mine, and my heart skipped a beat. I could see insecurity written all over his face, his eyes gloomy. „Do you still feel the same about Phil?“ he asked. I walked back to him, taking his head in my hands, leveling his eyes with mine. „Do you really have to ask me that, after all that happened?“ i told him witha a smile and kissed him. I moved back, meeting his eyes again. „It was always you that i wanted. Only you, Jake.“ He pulled me to him and kissed me, and this time it felt different. Before, his kisses wer packed with desire and lust. But this time his kiss was deep, tender, i would dare to say full of love. „You're amazing.“ He told me „I'm lucky to have you.“ He kissed me again, with that same depth and tenderness as earlier, sending tingles. This time, every move we made was slow and gentle. This time, we made love.

I was getting my sneakers on, as Jake was zipping his hoodie. „Will you be ok tonight? At the Aurora?“ i asked him. „I mean, seeing Phil acting as he would arround me.“ He groaned a bit „Not really, but i'll survive.“ I walked to him, putting my hands arround his neck, saying teasingly „I'll make it up to you later, if you promise to behave.“ He raised his eyebrow at me „That sounds tempting“ he started „But i cant promise you i wont be tempted to not behave.“ I grined at him, giving him a quick kiss „Well, do your best.“ „That, i can promise.“ He said, grining back. I let go of him, grabing my phone checking the time before throwing it at my purse. I took the car keys „I'm gonna be late! You ready?“ „Yes, lets go.“ I gave him the car keys, and he drowe us to the towns center. „Are you gonna tell Jessy about us?“ he asked. „I dont know.“ I said „She was the one who begged me to contact you about the calls, so she knows abou that.“ I paused for a while, a smile creeping to my face „And Jessy can be quite perceptive, she might figure out on her own that something is up.“ I looked at him „Would it be alright with you if she knew?“ „I wouldnt mind“ he said „If she can keep it to herself, for now at least.“ „If i ask it of her, she will.“ I told him. „You two became really close.“ He said , as we came to the parking in the center. „We did , she means a lot to me.“ He turned to me, taking the keys from the ignition. „But you are on top of my 'special people' list.“ I said leaning in for a kiss. He kissed me back, moving away, giving me the keys. „Good.“ He said, grinning „Now off you go, you're late already. And before anyone sees us.“ We left the car, and i started walking backwards from it, blowing him a kiss „See you tonigh.“ He smiled „See you, Maya.“

Jessy was already at the cafe when i came, sitting myself on the chair accross from her „I'm late, i know, i'm sorry!“ I looked at her appologeticaly. „Its fine“ she said, smiling „I got here few minutes ago myself, to be honest.“ „Good.“ I told her. „So what have you been up lately?“ i asked, her face getting cheerful. „Well, as a matter of fact, i have some good news.“ „Yeah? Well, out with it allready!“ i chimed happily. „Ok, ok. Well you know i had to find a new job, after all that happened.“ Her face got a bit gloomy as she said it, and i understood it. I gave her a small smile, thinking how much her life must have been affected by all that have happened. Jet, she stayed so positive through it all. „Anyway“ she continued „I had a job interwiev today.“ „Oh, Jessy, that's great!“ i exclaimed cheerfuly „Where at?“ She smiled „At the library.“ I clapped my hands at it, i knew how much Jessy liked that place, and books, too. „Thats excellent, not just good news, Jessy! I'm happy for you.“ i told her, smiling sencerely. „Well, i havent gotten the job, jet.“ She started „But i have a very good chance for it.“ „I'm sure you will get it.“ I told her. „Anyway, enough about me. Did you contact Jake already?“ she asked, getting all serious on me. „I did.“ I said, a small smile appearning at the corner of my lips. „Good.“ She said, not noticing „And, what happened?“ A lot, i tought to myself. „Well, he checked my phone, to see if it was hacked or something.“ „Did he find anything?“ I sighed „Unfortunatly, no.“Thats not good.“ Jessy said „Can't he do anything else? I mean, isn't that like his expertise?“ „He is trying one more thing.“ I told her. „He connected' to my incoming calls, again.“ I started, and Jessy looked inquiringly at me. „We're hoping he can figure out the location from where the calls are comming like that.“ „Hmm, that would be usefull.“ „Indeed“ i said „I just wish all would end soon, i'm getting terrified by it all, Jessy.“ „I know, Maya“ she said „I'm sure Jake will be abel to find something.“ „I hope so, Jessy.“ I said. „He will.“ She said, smiling reasuringly at me „We all know how skillful he is.“ Indeed, i tought, and not just with computers. Jessy was looking at me now, like she could read my toughts. She squinted her eyes at me „Something else is up.“ „What do you mean?“ i said, trying to sound as calm as i could. „You look different.“ „Different how?“ i asked. „I dont know“ she started „It's like, you're glowing.“ She continued looking at me, and i got a bit fidgety. She was staring intensly at me. Then, all of a sudden, her eyes opened wide, a grin on her face. „You hooked up!“ she almost screamed. „What?“ i tried to sound confused, but she didnt bought it. „You and Jake, you hooked!“ she chimed again. „Dont denie it!“ she said, grinning at me. I groaned „Fine! Yes, we hooked.“ I looked at her, and we both started squilling like a teenage girls. „Finaly!“ she said laughing „Im happy for you, Maya.“ „Thanks, Jessy. Im happy ,too. But, please, keep it to yourself. At least for now.“ I said pleadingly. „Ohh, i'll try my best, i promise.“ she said. „Give it your best, at least for tonight.“ I pleaded her again. She got serious „Uh, oh, Aurora tonight.“ „Yes, Aurora tonight.“ I said, dreadfully “It can never be simple for me.“ She gave me an akward smile, squizing my hand. We stayed silent for a moment, before a smile started creeping back to Jessys face. „Sooo“ she started „Jake and you? Talk! And i want to hear everything. And i mean, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.“ I laughed, Jessy looking at me with the biggest grin on her face. „Alright.“ I said, Jessy clapping her hands excitedly.

[greggorylee]

i apologize if this is too much and feel free to ignore but do you have any advice or tips for coping with living in an awful home environment where u grew up? like im an adult now but i'm still here and it hasnt gotten better, i'm afraid i'm never going to be able to leave. either way thank u, this is a good blog, sorry

im truly so sorry to hear youre still stuck there friend, theres circumstances happen way too much with too many

for starters, we werent aable to escape ourself until the age 21 about, and its unfortunately very common for young adults grown up in abuse to struggle with removing themselves from it. nothing seems safe: staying with the evil that kills you or risk supporting yourself alone or trusting / “burdening” (you arent aburden but thats how it feels) another with your living situation

this is not your fault, okay? this is NOT your fault. none of your abuse is your fault. you aren’t weak or anything less of a survivor for not having the strength and resources to get yourself to safe place. you do not have to do this yourself, everyone needs help, and its okay to admit that. you are strong to admit that and not give up on yourself

i promise this will end. it will end in some way or another, and you have influence on when and how it ends. reach out to the people you truly love, the people who are honest with you, who want you around, your real friends and family. hold them close, always tell them the truth, allow yourself to be sad around them. obviously dont use your friends as therapists but you must be open with how youre feeling, you are never obligated to pretend to be happy just so you wont “drag others down”.

i understand that feeling so, too well. please, please reach out instead of isolating yourself in your pain, this is the biggest thing that kept us alive when we were still trapped. spend as much time as you can with the people that want you alive, that make you want to stay alive. they wish to see you grow, as do i

it also helps very much to compare your experiences with your frieinds---not in the sense of “my traumas worse than yours” dumb bullshit, i mean if you feel like something is not right, if you are being treated horribly, if you need advice, my own friends saved my life with their advice and observations. my sibling recgonized my m*ther’s sexual abuse after hearing me describe her behavior. sometimes someone whos not directly in your position can see and help with things you may not notice yourself (which again, is absolutely not your fault when youre most likely being gaslit by your abusers)

besides true loved ones, any special interest / hyperfixation / hobby or fascination to distract you from the pain. i know this is an obvious answer, but im just speaking from experience. drawing and my other passions helped us not only distract but process our trauma and express our pain in ways that helped release it

and above all, you must not give into the evil they try to distill in you. you are not like them, you never were and never will be. know that you have done nothing to deserve abuse. your relatives have no empathy or soul if they cannot recognize the pain they inflict upon you. they are selfish at the core if they are unable to change. i know this is not what any survivor wants to believe, but what they offer is not love. love does not abuse, love does not wish you dead.

you cannot help them if they dont want to be helped. this is also not your fault or responsibility. children should not be teaching their parents how to be better people. but they cannot take your love from you. you see the truth, you wish for peace. you did not bring this upon yourself, nor will your suffering last forever

i was very lucky to happen upon the kind of support that i had in order to move out and recover, but please, try not to give up hope that you can also do this. there ARE people who would help you given the chance, you just have to have the perseverance to find them

also im not saying its YOUR responbility alone to find help and get out, like i said earlier, every survivor needs help and no one should be expected to “save themselves”. what i mean is that you must try not to give up on yourself, your future, your hope, because there’s always a chance for the help that you need to come to you

just continue to reach out, never stop reaching out. others like myself understand what youre going through and want survivors like you to be able to recover

please take care, i hope this helped somehow, its difficult to articulate exactly all our coping mechanisms beyond these basic few, because these are the things in our memory we can grasp clearly as the best parts of our past life

if you truly have no one else to talk to, you’re welcome to come back here to me with things that you need to tell somebody.

[itsjusta]

March 8, 2021

We had our recollection today doeee and issa it was fun cos our small group faci was lingaw doe and my groupmates were buotan ones but not my friends gyd doeee heheh but i felt comfortable doe so naka share ko that i went through a break up this pandemic but not nako go into details hehe and sir chismoso doe ask sya if taga xu ba daw ako ex, if psych ba daw, if friends ba daw ta, and when daw aishhh many questions but issa he’s lingaw doeee i like him hehe and issa also nice to tell my experiences and listen also to others doe 🥺

anddd issa sir said doeee that God is a God of order this means that he puts everything in order and he gives us our desires at the right time 🥺 sometimes it may take years, but He will give it daw gyd doeee and we just have to patient especially with ourself and this comforted me doeee cos i’m always asking God to be able to move on doe but obviously wala paman?!?! HAHAHAHHA but when the right time comes, I know he’ll give me the strength to let go and move on doe 🥺🥺 so now I just gotta be patient with myself doe and I should not discourage myself so much if mag sge ko cry and sge ko ka hurt doeee cos aish things are hard man jd now doeee heheh and whatever comes will come doe!!! now let’s just trust the process gyd okaaay heheh and dapat di nako overthink a lot ryt?!?! HAHAHAHHA cos i always overthink doe dat u will be gone na from my life which makes me sad aishhhh i shud just live in the present and appreciate u while you’re still here!! heheh

even though we dont talk a lot na gyd doeee like sometimes it takes u hours to reply i’m happy doeee to know that you’re still here. i cannot demand time from u man gyd doe cos why would i do that 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ so even if sometimes i have the urge to chika u a lot but u not replying i just think doe dat its okaaay i will write it nalang here cos i know u’ll read maaan hehehe i’m just grateful doeee for you cos you still there despite the difficult situation 🥺🥺 i really am blessed to have you doeee and i’m happy to receive chats from u doeee it just makes me calm to know that you’re still there and doing fine doeee heheh and i also have to get used to dis gyd doeee cos aish maybe gyd i wont be hearing from u so much na dayon doe!! hehe and i shud not worry about u so much doeee cos dako naman ka hahahah but also its nice to hear gyd that you’re safe and stuff lyk dat but again not ur responsibility to let me know doe just dont mind me HAHAHHA

anyway this day was relaxing?? cos i didnt do acads,,, ahhahahah i felt so tapol doeee but watch man ko isa ka discussion vid!!! mamawi nalang ko da next days doe cos daghan na raba module gipang post 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ i hope u had a good dayyyy idiot amping alwayssss plsss

- Aya

[flying-elliska]

Hi Ellie!! I hope u dont mind this ask ❤Do u have any advice on how to do stuff on your checklist and not get overwhelmed? I can hardly do one thing out of my to do list and then i get severely depressed for not being able to do anything. i dont think i can function like a human being sometimes. anyway youre so cool ellie!!! i admire you loads!!! - help asked from one adhd struggling teen

HI anon ! I’m sorry for not answering sooner i had a beautiful answer ready and then Tumblr just ate it T_T anyway i don’t mind at all i think it’s awesome that you’re asking me ! this is honestly still something I’ve struggled a lot with. here are a few things that helped me (keep in mind i’m not a professional and this is only my personal, limited point of view) :

- ofc the first thing is to get as much help as you can, there are lots of people out there who can help. Generally talk to people around you about your problems ; often they want to help and just don’t know how : i know the tendency to feel ashamed and keep it in but that’s not good. Some people might be a bit ignorant so maybe keep a few ressources on hand you can send to people to educate them if that’s an issue ; and educate yourself so you feel more secure and legitimate in your opinions. 

- one thing that’s helped me lots is to go on #ADHDtwitter and #Neurodiversesquad because a lot of people on there are actual adults who are sharing both their struggles but also tips on how to actually manage the symptoms and have full and happy, if messy, lives. It’s very inspiring. It helped me a lot to feel understood, less alone and gave me a ton of ideas. Some accounts to start with : @ danidonovan - @ blkgrllostkeys @ ADHD_Alien (her comics are so cute) @ dustyexner plus lots of others

- regarding having trouble doing things, this is definitely a Big Damn Problem for adhd folks. the concept of the emotional Wall of Awful really helped me with this, you can find more about it in this Youtube video by the awesome How To ADHD channel (all her videos are so helpful !! have a look!) basically the idea is that we accumulate emotions linked to certain tasks based on unhappy past emotions that make it a lot harder for us to do things and that building it down takes a lot of time and effort but there are ways to work with/around that. learning to process, connect to and be more mindful of our emotions is a huge task, but it’s often a central one. 

- don’t try too hard to be neurotypical aka ‘normal’. find the solutions that work for YOU. If they’re a bit weird ? Whatever. The point is that it works. You will probably end up having weird routines that make no sense to others but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps you. Be creative and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I’ll give you an example :  one of the reasons i hate going to bed early is because late at night is when i feel the most free of outside obligations and therefore i don’t want to give that up. So instead what i’ve been trying to do from time to time is a ‘clown hour’ where i basically give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i want (within reason lmao) but in an active way ; basically indulge my rebellious inner 8 yr old. Last time I ended up watching martial arts videos on youtube and practicing kickboxing kicks on the Mulan soundtrack and then put on funeral music and improvised my own eulogy by thinking about what i would like people to say about me after my death. Lmao that sounds completely wack when explained to other people but the point is - stuff like that really helped me reconnect to the idea that my time is mine to do with as i please, not just late at night. Anyway my point is : make it fun, make it a game, try things, experiment. Our brains crave novelty and if they don’t have it and feel burdened by shame, pressure and expectations of course they get depressed and stuck. Give your brain the fuel it needs to work. 

- just accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mess. it’s okay. you can be a bit of a mess and also live a fully, happy, joyous life. our society puts so much pressure on us to have this Perfect Instagram Life where everything is polished to unrealistic standards and gives us the idea that your morals are linked to productivity and if you are not constantly striving to be a Model Consumer Pretty Picture you are a Bad Person and a slob/lazy/unworthy/etc and all of that is...toxic garbage of the highest order that everyone should unlearn but especially us. related to that i would be careful with use of social media, tailor it to only give you content that makes you feel good/intellectually engaged/creative because it’s so easy for us to go into bad comparative spirals.

- tied to that be careful of your own perfectionist drives. it’s veeeeery common for adhd people to want to overcompensate their perceived shortcomings by wanting to be perfect. aka you haven’t done anything in weeks and all of a sudden you have this insane to do list where you expect yourself to turn your entire life around in a week. well, not going to happen. i’ve found it so important to limit myself. for instance what i do now is i forbid myself to put more than 5 items on any todo list. once i’ve cleared items i can add more, but not before. it’s a lot less scary that way. also prioritizing is very important so you don’t get bogged down in details.

- try to be mindful of your own energy. a big tendency of adhd people is to overpromise and underdeliver because we are enthusiastic and we want to please people but we are bad at estimating time/energy it will need. learn more about your own boundaries, what things are hard for you to do (for me, it’s socializing in groups) and what gives you energy (for me it’s writing, reading and walking in the woods) and try to balance that. learn to say no, it’s tough but necessary. So that you have enough left for the tasks you need to do. 

- create an environment that is benevolent and helpful for you in which to work/do things and that generates positive emotions. Get yourself a cute notebook. Put on happy music. Don’t forget to feed yourself. Don’t give into the urge of punishing yourself. You deserve happy good things - not overindulgence as escape - but our brains thrive on short term rewards. Bundle the unpleasant tasks with more stimulating stuff (for instance i always listen to podcasts while cleaning/grocery shopping etc). Create pleasant little routines for yourself (for instance one of the first things i try to do in the morning is do a little drawing of my emotions, it makes me happy, then i have tea and i plan my day.). Put on alarms constantly so you don’t lose track of time, but with a cool song. Find yourself cheerleaders who can encourage you in a positive way. Stuff like the pomodoro technique, timing yourself while doing a task, etc, can really help. Or telling yourself you will do a thing for ten minutes and stop when it’s unbearable, etc. Prioritize joy, pride, affection, desire to help, altruism, love, curiosity, interest and passion as motivators, instead of anxiety, guilt and shame. 

- find ways to build self esteem and confidence in your own skills. it’s often a lack of that that can block you from doing what you need to because you might be afraid of screwing it up. what I did for a while, for instance, is to keep a record of the stuff i did everyday and then extrapolated the skills i displayed from that. another thing you can do is make a list of simple skills you want to learn and find ways to do that, like youtube tutorials, etc. especially when it’s practical stuff and quick to learn, it can really feel so good, and make you more familiar with a sensation of success (and if you fail it can be a fun experiment gone wrong, and self discovery, you don’t have to be good at everything.)

- find ways to challenge yourself. depression happens for adhd people when we let ourself stagnate, isolate ourselves because of shame, and get into this idea that we are subhuman and we don’t deserve good things. that is false. you deserve a happy life. and our brains crave novelty. find your passion and indulge in it, find the things that make your brain come alive (as long as they’re healthy ofc). if you’re not sure what that is, just keep trying. you will find it. but resist the temptation to make your life smaller and smaller. you might mess up but that’s okay. it’s human and it will make for interesting stories later. instead of trying too hard to ‘fix’ yourself, focus on developping your positive sides. it will give you energy, self-respect and draw you forwards like a rocketship. we thrive on passion, not reprimand. 

- anyways : i know how tough it can be. depression is really something i struggle with, too. and doing things remains Hard. but my point is, you are not alone, and you are not broken. chances are you too, like most adhd people i know, are a fun, creative, compassionate person with a heart of gold and so much to give. our main enemy is most often the shame that comes with living in a world that is not adapted to us. but the truth is we are just playing the game of life on a much harder setting than a lot of people, and we don’t even have the manual. of course it’s going to create struggle ! so i think the best thing to do for yourself is cultivate a sense of compassion towards yourself, self acceptance, and humor. 

- as a teen you probably have a limited margin of autonomy to make your lifestyle fit your needs but - there is so much potential for it to get better ! as you grow in self knowledge and ability to make your own choices, you will find the right solutions and your life will get so much better. i have heard so many stories like this. since i got diagnosed, too, my life got a lot better. i won’t lie, it’s a lifelong process. but there is so much possible. give yourself time. you are so young, and you are definitely a human being. being human is struggling with being flawed and vulnerable and imperfect. i know the world can be shit sometimes, you probably got some negative messages - especially from your own brain bc depression definitely lies to you ! but don’t let yourself be guided by ignorance and fear. you deserve better. i bet you’re also super cool. the happier you are, the better off the world will be. so invest in yourself. educate yourself, develop your self knowledge, be kind to yourself, and keep making little steps. you’ll get there. <3

[blasian-kpop]

Nigerian Queen (bts imagine)

Anonie asked:

Could you please do a BTS imagine when they find out your Nigerian and their reaction to your culture?

________________________________________

In relation to BTS and the Bighit company, i am The directors assistance for international affairs of everything outside of career but not in America. I’ve been working with these boys for at least two or three years now and kept up the most professional and casual relationship you could possibly have with with their fame.

Because they’re so interactive with the path of their career I’m often sitting in a meeting room discussing plans for the future with them. And while it all laughs and bazaar goes, they actually do want to see a lot of these girls go through. And that’s where I come along.

“ so honestly with the amount of saved up expenses we have you guys could definitely do a charity concert if you wanted to.” I informed the boys White have been away at my computer figuring out all the estimated pricing.

“ with the location of the charity concert play into affect into if we’re able to do it or not?” Namjoon asked lean over to look at the screen

“ Of course it does but really you Donely have to worry about the venue not really the country it’s in.” As I was disgusting logistics with him my phone lit up with a notification but of course I didn’t notice. Who did notice however was Hoseok, he grabbed my phone and his eyes go wide with surprise.

“Jasmine! You’re a twin!!” He shouts and shocks me out of my focus. I turned him to see the surprise look on his face as he stares at my screensaver.

“Yeah, i have a twin sister, you didnt know?” I say sarcastically because of course they didn’t now. I’ve done a pretty good job at keeping a lot of my personal life a mystery, just cause I was raised to not give out family information to everyone.

“ Oh oh let me see let me see!” jimin take the phone from hoseok and they all huddle over to she me hugged up with my twin sister back in our hometown.

“ yeah where I come from twins are very common.” I should drug and amusement while they stare in awe.

“Wait where are you from?” Namjoon asked with a tilt of the head

“Im actually Nigerian, more specifically the Yoruba reigon” i explan to them and collectively they all started with a mirage of questions

“Wait seriouly? How come we never knew you were Nigerian?” Yoongi concern was shared amongst the group.

“ I always wondered where that accident came from, but it’s hard to tell because you already have a accent from speaking a foreign language.” Namjoon noted and i just shrugged it was no big deal to me but i guess it was to them.

“ I don’t know I just never had the means to talk about my origin like that” you said causually. Just then, jimin Closed my computer and slide it over to the side. “Well the time has come that we learn how you are. You are our family” i chuckle, thinking that this was a Ludacris situation but everyone seemed to be on the same page except for me. So, I better catch up.

“ all right all right, I give. What do you all want to know?” I lean back and accept their plans.

“ all right that’s more like it, let’s start off with the basics. What. Is. Your. Name.” Seokjin starts it off

“ well for you guys my name is Jasmine but my birth name is Jaiyesimi, I’m named after my grandmother”

“ what about your twin?” Jimin asked “Sukanmi, or Kacee, im older than her by like 5 minutes maybe”

“Wait how did you find your way in korea then?” Jin asked again and that kinda stumped me

“You know, I actually dont know, I traveled alot once i finished college and some how ened up here.”

“You said twins are common in Nigeria?” Jungguk interjected.

“Yeah, it feels like ever other pregnancy are twins, my grandmother was a twin and my father is a twin as well.” They all they are in all like I’m giving them the secrets to eternal youth. Yoongi anf hoseok were gooing back and forth with the picture.

“ what about the food, do you know any recipes?” Jin asked

“ well, yeah, all the recipes my mother and grandmother know so it’s really just a call away, but I haven’t cooked in so long so I wouldn’t trust my skills at making a good meal at all”

“YOU HAVE TOO!” Yelped jungguk which created a snowball effect of them requesting different meals and dishes to be made. Luckily one of the members had a level head and save me from the chaos.

“Okay okay lets not get ahead of ourselfs though” Yoongi hushed them and i just sat there feeling awkward with being but on the spot.

“What about dancing?” Jimin asked

“Oh now i girl can dance, thats was like half of my childhood because my uncle was a musican.” I smile reminising on the old days i used to sit out in front of the house dancing with my sister and cousin as my uncle and his group play all types of songs.

Hoseok takes my hand and looks my in the eyes before saying “you just gave us some very interesting information here jasmine”

Uh no thats when i saw my mistake “oh i mean no no i can dance at all, worst dancer with two left feet. Nothing interesting there” everyone break into a roar of laughter at my fails attempt to save myself.

I just shake my head at their laughing, grab my computer again to continue what we were originally doing. “ come on let’s go back to making these yearly goals, you little pains in my neck” i said this lovingly ofcourse.

We soon got back on track after that, but little did I know they would be taking a lot more interest in me as the years go on in my employment continues.

_________________________________________

You know what I really like writing scenarios now.

Bai for now

[yon-gi]

i'm so sorry about your break up. its ok to feel sad about it... i would recommend you to take a break from social media, do all the things you enjoy and makes you smile and don't try to stop your feelings. i'm sure you'll feel better soon. don't forget you're very loved 💞💞

@a-nnas said:  I'm so sorry about all you've been through. You deserve so many hugs and so much happiness. I hope you don't find this weird because after all I'm just a random follower, but if you ever feel like you're alone or need someone to talk to about absolutely anything feel free to message me. Keep your head up gorgeous!

anonymous said: im so sorry angel, iwish u the best and so much happiness xoxoxoxoxox

anonymous said: baby i just wanna say ur not being dramatic, u mentionned it a lot in ur post, and its so normal to feel pain, its so so so not u being dramatic, like love is such a thing were u feel raw n open and its so normal that it hurt! i hope u allow urself to feel that n dont think think ur being dramatic, and i too have trust issue n in situation like this tend to think: the moral of the story is to not trust people again (1) 

anonymous said: (2) like its what my brain always conclude when i love and het hurt, n if u are like me, lets try n not think like that!! its not a moral of lets not trust people! bc when we dont, i dunno for u, but the world becomes so grey n i think love is so scary n it can hurt but it also can feel good n i know!! u will feel good at some point, i wish u loads of happiness n love

@willwedie-justalittle said: I’m sorry for what happened to you today. Break ups are hard, but here’s the thing. You feel lost, but (and I know it’s easier to say this when you’re not in the situation), I think everything that happens in our life is a new lesson. You said your mental health was improving with her. That means that YOU can do it. A support system is amazing, not gonna lie. But at the end of the day, you are the one getting up every morning, doing your best. And it’s amazing! (See next message)

@willwedie-justalittle said: It’s amazing because it means you are able to do it, to feel better about yourself. And I’m not saying that’s it’s going to be easy, but I think you’ll be able to be this version of yourself again. Every time something happens to us, we learn something about ourself. If you need to cry, do it! If you need to talk to someone, I’m here. We don’t know each other. But maybe it can be helpful to talk to someone outside of it? (Next message...)

@willwedie-justalittle said: The most important part is that you can be proud you were able to grow and discover some things about yourself. And sadly it won’t be the only time things are going to hurt. But, from what I read, you’ll come out fighting. Don’t stop believing in yourself, and in others. I can relate on the trust issues, and it’s scary to put ourselves out there. But it may also be worth it, years down the line. I really wish you the best, and my messages are open. Lots of hugs and pancakes with sprinkles!

anonymous said: i'm so happy to know that my ask helped you 🥰 its good to be surrounded by friends during hard times. i wish you the best 💫

to everyone who sent me a message, and reached out to me thank you so much! i’m not very good with words, but reading your messages really helped me out and to everyone who shared their experiences with me, thank you so much! i cannot thank you enough. and i don’t even know what to say except thank you. i think i own y’all an update on the situation: we stayed friends like she wanted, but i don’t feel like talking to her at all, i finally manage to stop looking at ther profile just to see the interactions with that one girl that took my place. i’m definitly doing better! specially after my friends helped me and “strangers”/moots helped me. one of my friends made me do a gf application form and it was fun, mainly to find new friends and ngl there was one person i was waiting for to participate/fill it... and she did so dkjasdaj i made new friends so that was nice, i’m happy about it. i’m still trying to find a new routine, and i still feel alone and lonely but everything else is fine. thank you everyone 💜

[chrisemrysfics]

And here I find in my draft a ramble about maturity, in relation to fiction.

It’s not made to be like a proper speech, just rambles read over to make sure there’s a progression of logic and it makes sense. I added more so you can see where it gets a bit less ramble and a bit more clean, but it’s all just, feels sharing.

I post this because I don’t feel I expressed what I do here in the way I did here, and I feel so very strongly about this.

If you want to take one sentence out of it that I really loved once I wrote it, it’s this one: an act can be immature, but a person is never immature, they are always as mature as their own growth and journey has lead them to be.

With bonus of: maturity is not intelligence, to say you aren’t mature enough for something is, in fact, intelligent of you; but to react in immature actions is still nothing about being non intelligent, your maturity is an aspect of yourself in itself, the same way intelligence is another, and age is actually another, because while age can limit the level of maturity you can achieve (due to the brain still growing and also the limit of experiences you can have the younger you are), different people at the same age can be more mature or less mature than each other.

And extra bonus: fiction is, I dare say, almost always meant for people who can handle it, with the expectation that those that cannot handle it will avoid it (close tab, close book, change channel, blacklist, etc). Because that is the mature reaction to have, to avoid what you cannot handle (and minimize your exposure to it). Which is why mature people will not listen to immature reactions, and “defend” the source of the immature reaction, because they can recognize it isn’t a mature reaction, and hope to make the person grow in their maturity to realize the mature reaction is to avoid, not censor.

A quick addition based on my mostly fandom based meta just before: fiction is also the only place, only thing in existence, where you can experience and learn from an infinite number of experience, all the while being safe. It is the only place you can safely discover your limits, and grow your maturity through the fictions you can handle, as you discover different ways a topic, experience, etc can be experienced. Fiction is a mirror of reality, but reality can harm us, and fiction is unable to, and once we are mature enough to react maturely to what we can or cannot handle, we can make use of fiction to learn and know ourself and navigate the real world better. And it’s the other reason mature people will protect the freedom of fiction.

was talking about maturity and i remembered when i was young teen, maybe 13, or maybe even 12, and i asked to use internet, and a neighboor-friend (big brother like) helped me make a forum account and mom was close by too, and with my neighboor we made a joke in my profile (i can recall it still, we wrote “and god created pikachu!”).

things had been going well (i think he showed me some things too), mom wasn’t hovering but was around and sometimes looked to, it was a fun, happy moment.

and then someone messaged me and insulted me, angry that i mis-used god’s name.

needless to say, i got really confused and hurt and i cried, it’s very vague in my memory then but yeah i know i was hugged, and my neighboor replied for me and told the person off and made sure to nail in the fact i was a teen.

once i calmed down, mom asked me what i wanted to do, and i told her, i dont want to try for now, and i didnt, because i had enough maturity to realize i wasn’t feeling mature yet to handle these kind of people and the wild cards of internet.

in the same manner, i was maybe mid teen, maybe even 15/16 or closing in to 17, its lessened now but back then i was really, really squirmy with g/ore and b/lood and ho/rror. however, i cant recall if i saw a bit or saw another and had handled it, or if it was curiosity, but i recall asking to watch Alien (cant recall which one). Its possible i watched one that i handled and wanted to watch the first one, or again, just curiosity. anyway mom just asks to make sure, and i cant for sure if i was alone watching it, but what i recall is being really shaky after, like, growing really anxious in the night and being too afraid to sleep.

that night i slept in mom’s room, and agreed i should not watch ho/rror movie for now (and i believe i didnt try for years).

both of these to say: this illustrates that some things cannot be handled if your mind hasn’t reached enough maturity and also that it IS mature to back away from something you cant handle. mature also is different than adult, this is why we can see teens handle mature topics, but the fact is, minds mature with time and no matter if you feel, or genuinely are, a mature teen, your mind is still growing. there are mature topics, stories, discussions, etc; that you just cannot properly handle.

it is natural to feel distress when your mind cannot properly handle something, but it is immature to blame the content, because the mature thing is to back away. it is also a sign of a lack of maturity of your mind, if you cannot process the complexity of a topic and why people speak of it in different manners.

a lack of maturity is not being stupid. but intelligence and maturity are two different things. if you are intelligent, you should be able to understand you can still lack maturity.

chances are, if you think you are mature enough, and you arent, you’ll encounter topics you cant handle and lash out at the topic rather than pause and ask yourself if you were mature enough for it.

this is also why you’ll see mature people supposedly “not listen”. its not that we dont listen and defend “bad” things, its that we are mature enough to be able to dissect it, and we can see you aren’t mature enough. we arent “defending bad things”, we are trying to make you understand it’s about maturity.

when we say you can love a villain, for example, it means you are mature enough to appreciate a villain and still know they’re a villain and their acts are wrong

when we defend s/exual content and “problematic” content, its because we know the complexity of humanity and we are mature enough to differentiate fiction and reality, and the layers of them, and how they interact together, and how different people have different experiences reading fiction.

The whole reason fiction is often labelled with age as warning is that, in general, someone below that age is not mature enough to properly handle it. Some people of that age can, in fact, handle it, but not all. In the same manner, not every experience of something complex can be “good” or “bad”, because it is possible to have the people involve be mature enough to make it a good version of the experience.

However, the whole reason fiction is so, so important is that it is the only thing that exist where we are 100% safe and yet able to see, learn, experience, all sorts of things. If you need to understand a topic, especially to discover your own limits, you’re safe to do so through fictions, but you aren’t safe to do in real life. And because fan fictions are made by people who are everywhere, who are all kind of people, you will find a much larger range of experiences written.

As a final note: I don’t know how often you, we, hear it, but it is totally okay to feel repulsed by something, and it is totally okay to realize you aren’t mature enough to handle a topic or a specific way something is expressed, or just to admit to yourself that you aren’t as mature as you thought you were. Maturity is something that grows, and everyone has their own pace. Again, maturity is not intelligence, you aren’t stupid if you aren’t mature, and you will notice I’m not saying “immature”. I think, honestly, an act can be immature, but a person is never immature. You are mature, but your maturity evolves, so you are always mature at the level that you have achieve at any moment. Some people grow their maturity at faster rate, some need slower ones.

But I think I love this idea: an act can be immature, but a person is never immature, you will always be just as mature as your own evolution lead you to be. You are mature to a certain level, and you can be more mature with certain topics. And I feel that the first lesson in maturity for any given topic is when you learn not to react with immature actions for the each topic. You already are so, so mature when you are capable of not reacting with immature actions. You never have to “accept” something to be mature. Maturity is when you are able to recognize what you can handle, and what you cannot, and to be responsible for your own comfort.

To demand others to not create content that you can’t handle is an immature act. To avoid the content is a mature act, because you recognize others might need that content, and that the content is not meant to you directly. In fact, I dare say that in general, people who share content, create fiction, only ever aim it for those that can handle it, and expect people who can’t to avoid it.

Yes sometimes you can stumble on a content you can’t handle, but the mature reaction is to say “okay I can’t handle that” and just leave. Close the tab, change channel, stop the movie, close the book, ask for the subject to change if you’re speaking with someone or with people, etc.

[smoliboops]

so i woke up this morning (so apologies if i sound a bit off or groggy in this haha) but i awoke to a lot of posts discussing about “drama” and speciffically first saw @turquoisemagpie​ ‘s geniuinely curious post about the community’s status.

i’ll start off by saying 1) im also genuinely curious about all this. i care about this community and ive been in the tumblr one specifically for 4 years now, and this seems to be the first anomaly ive seen in my time here that hasn’t been one off but “underlying”.

2) im human, lol. i’ll be honest, ive never gotten involved with stuff like this (the only one i think would barely count was when the community was debating over anti’s portrayal back in december 2017). this is just what i think in as objective and analytical of a way i can place it, and it’s not wrong nor right. just my own thoughts. (also note, i have two exams tomorrow, so i  probs wont be on here afterwards anyway cos i need to study else i die lol, but i just wanted to chime in like anyone else would)

ok first point- the drama is not shallow enough to solely revolved around the intro outro changing.

it is not the issue itself; rather it is the situation, or window that is giving us a bigger picture in the new, wierd mood that the community has been in for a while. 

im human, but personally, in the large amount of time ive spent everyday scrolling thru the tag i have not legitamentely seen a post saying “oh i dont like that jack isnt doing the intro anymore im unsubscribing.” it doesnt seem logical to me that someone who dedicates themselves enough to the channel that they are a active member of the tumbtlr community, to throw all that away just for an intro.

what i have seen instead are 2 things:

1) usually when i scroll thru the tag and see a current hot topic, i try to scroll back up til i find the post that probably originally started it all. this, along with the first type ive seen in the tag, are people saying that “some people are unsubscribing cos of outro...how can they do that..they have to understand change is normal...people act like children sometimes...i cant believe it those people are not part of the community they should just leave...etc

2)the people i have seen saying “ah man i miss the intro and outro....i miss them it feels a little weird without them...i hope they dont go away forever i’d miss it”..etc

number 2 does not match with the people number 1 are talking about. unless i am wrong (i am human so if you have actually seen this on tumblr send me a link to the person’s blog or post) the people missing the outros have never said they would leave the community. Simply expressing a sentiment for something that has always been the norm that is now changing, that’s all it is for most people.

BUT, the misunderstanding/missalignment i see between 1 and 2, is that people in 2 is either being generalized/misslabeled/or lumped by others as the “leaving the community” group. and this can even apply to number 1, where some who genuine simplly want to say “the outro might be gone, but it’s ok to change” are grouped into the others saying “leave the community you kids dont belong here” and this is the window into the main problem i think in the community.

jack is changing. this is the happiest ive seen him be in 4 years and you have no idea how happy i am for him that he is choosing to take care of himself more and finding/discovering what he truly wants for himself, his style of commentary, the channel, and the community. 

No one wants to get in the way of that. not 1, not 2, no one here wants to legit do that because we all so so deeply care about him. he brought us so much happiness, friendships, friggin several couples proposed in front of him over the years cause he indirectly helped them find love. we care about jack so much, that as a community we’re trying our best to give him the best atmosphere to change. but it’s a big community, so of course people have different ways of doing so.

we love him fiercely, so we either protect fiercely or we speak up fiercely. and then the whole tag is on fire. you’re on fire. you try pouring comforting pics on it oh no that was gasoline help-

people want to help jack and the channel/community through feedback; if something is felt to be wrong by a person, they’d want to let the captain know that something’s amiss and how/why it is and if they can fix it.

people want to help jack and the channel/community by protecting/managing it; if we dont want to sink the ship, we have to keep up and remember the duties as a member what we should be doing so that if we see a hurricane coming, we can deal with it the best without getting the ship damaged.

both are good, you can’t have one without the other. without proper management the ship will sink, but if there’s a solution outside of protocol it should be considered. if the new idea/solution/feedback is faulty enough that it would put us at even greater peril, the rules serve as a guide of judgement in doing what’s best for the ship.

no one side is right on its own. if there’s no way of feedback or communication to the captain, or anarchy is assumed among the members and the captain is overthrown, the ship will sink.

cooperation is key. nothing is black and white, its gray and our relationship with jack is a conversation. 

agree or disagree, we need to not dismiss one in favor of ourself, we need to listen, be open, and use other’s ideas (whether good or bad, evil or rightous, selfish or selfless, or just plain neutral) in forming our own and vice versa, creating a cycle of healthy conversation rather than attacking or defending blindly. 

and as well, the captain has had years of hard work, dedication, knowledge, and experience to get to his position. and ultimately it is Jack who is the one to decide how to run this ship. there can be members whose feedback is unjustified, or even hate-filled. there can be members who feel a one particular way is the right one over all else . but Jack is the one who chooses what to take into himself and the channel. does he think this feedback is valid? he’s open to taking it into consideration. does he disagree with it? that’s ok too, he still decides what he’ll take from it, good or bad, and move on.

experiencing things, toxic or healthy, we as individuals have the power to choose what to take in, not take in, and how we proceed with the information we take in. the actions of others have no rule over you, you rule over yourself. you choose what to take in and how. if we restrain ourselves/others, or protect ourselves/others, from this, then that right to choose is taken away before we even get a chance to choose. we just become isolated and very very, very alone.

tl;dr: TALK, FOR THE LOVE OF ANALOGIES AND GOD AND EVERYONE, JUST TALK CIVILLY AND NORMALLY WITH EACH OTHER. WE’RE ADULTS. JACK IS AN ADULT. CONVERSATE. NO ONE IS PROBLEMATIC AND NO ONE IS UNPROBLEMATIC. WE’RE ALL HUMAN, WE’RE ALL GRAY. WE ALL LOVE JACK WE ALL LOVE THIS COMMUNITY AND WE’RE ALL SO VERY GRAY AND SO SO SO COMPLEX AND HUMAN. SO PLEASE, P L E A S E

why dont you just talk to each other....

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[peytnice21-blog]

Millenials as a part of society

Every individuals as a part of society which is have a big contribution into our what we called society,as years passes by changes are presented.First,changing in languages when it comes to communication,changing in actions and also we are accepting what the event or a trending as today.Now on,many on us encourage our parents,neighboorhood and other friends.We influenced by using a social media communication in using a cellphone and gadgets ,calling them chats them and giving some information sharing by them or sharing by you.

There are some advantages and disadvantages role of millenials in society .For us,we give on our opinion that we have two millenials on the other side we have a good and bad .First,we have to define what influenced them what causes them to be bad.They have a bad experience with their parents causes them to escape those problems second ,they experience a failed relationship or either when they are in relationship they are advancing theirself to experience new so that at the end of the day sometimes they get be pregnant only fo girls and for boys being an early stage of being father.Second we have a good millenials that can help us or each in every one ,they willing to serve what are they have .Have you ever experience to come with the peer groups sometimes they serve by the words of god,or as you can see in school the peer groups or a group of your friends that have a good goal.Millenials generations to descend upon your organization why wouldnt you?You've been told perhaps even warned that this is the largest,most diverse and educated demographic to come of age.

Depression kills you?

123 Mapagmahal st.

Iniwan,Cavite

nagmahalnasaktaniniwan@gmail.com

09335805184

Dear someone else finding theirself ,

Good day!You are lucky today!This is the day where you are starting to convience yourself to be thankful of what you have.Always think a possitive side before you try to stop your life by hurting yourself trust me i always with you.Many are depressed when it comes to studies ,friends and almost in parents .They are escaping theirself to accept what are the possitive thinking and have a possitive mind.Are you faimilar those things saying that "No matter how hard is a situation ,just do it and give your one hundred percent best and ill guide you no matter what"

You are depressed such as those problems?Are you trusting me?Trust me and il guide you.Just think and think poositive in life,be good with everyone.I trust you ,you can do it !Fix yourself .To those who hurt you ,thanks for them because they give you a chance to be strong to be independent.Are you having a financial problems?relatipnship problems?when uit become in the stage of all those problems are come together instantly?Jsut trust me.Pray and ill give you prptection.

LOVE,God.

I concern about you health

I am not a doctor,i am not a phsychology teacher or phsycologist but i can help ypu giving infoormation about your health.No matter what,just forget all but dont forget about your health.Ill just concerned you.Health is refers to personal like for axample a rashes,bites of any insects that can cause you to be sick.Many of us just focus only for job,school activities and being a personal controlling yourself when its buying a street foods.As i said before buying a street foods can cause you to be sick and aware on you health .

Many of us are dissapointed beacause their have no money to go to the clinic and chekups this is the most important .Doctors know how to do when sick are there.No one can help us beside or family or ourself when we are sick.When the time has come when sick is arrived sometimes we have to drink a capsule like paracetamol or other antibiotics to kill the pain but in the other side this is not a standard does.When we got sick we have to go on the doctor and need to checkup what sick that we had so the doctors knows what medicine we have to take .

title brown eyes

explanated song

Remember the first day when I saw your face

Remember the first day when you smiled at me

You stepped to me and then you said to me

I was the woman you dreamed about

Remember the first day when you called my house

Remember the first day when you took me out

We had butterflies, although we tried to hide it

And we both had a beautiful night

The way we held each others hand

The way we talked, the way we laughed

It felt so good to find true love

I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me 'cause he told me so

I know that he loves me 'cause his feelings show

And when he stares at me

You see he cares for me

You see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me 'cause it's obvious

I know that he loves me 'cause it's me he trusts

And he's missin' me if he's not kissin' mer

And when he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed

Remember the first day we had an argument

We apologized, and then we compromised

And we haven't argued since

Remember the first day we stopped playing games

Remember the first day you fell in love with me

It felt so good for you to say those words

'Cause I felt the same way too

The way we held each others hands

The way we talked, the way we laughed

It felt so good to fall in love

And I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me 'cause he told me so

I know that he loves me 'cause his feelings show

And when he stares at me

You see he cares for me

You see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me 'cause it's obvious

I know that he loves me 'cause it's me he trusts

And he's missin' me if he's not kissin' me

And when he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul

I'm so happy, so happy that you're in my life and baby

Now that you're a part of me you've shown me

Shown me the true meaning of love (the true meaning of love)

And I know he loves me

I know that he loves me 'cause he told me so

I know that he loves me 'cause his feelings show

And when he stares at me

You see he cares for me

You see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me 'cause it's obvious

I know that he loves me 'cause it's me he trusts

And he's missin' me if he's not kissin' me

And when he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul

He looks at me and his brown eyes tell it so

it means that they are so in love with each other, that they dont need words to say what they mean to each other. they can just look into each others eyes and just know

Tittle :brown eyes

by: destiny child

Remember the first day when I saw your face

Remember the first day when you smiled at me

You stepped to me and then you said to me

I was the woman you dreamed about

Remember the first day when you called my house

Remember the first day when you took me out

We had butterflies, although we tried to hide it

And we both had a beautiful night

The way we held each others hand

The way we talked, the way we laughed

It felt so good to find true love

I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me 'cause he told me so

I know that he loves me 'cause his feelings show

And when he stares at me

You see he cares for me

You see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me 'cause it's obvious

I know that he loves me 'cause it's me he trusts

And he's missin' me if he's not kissin' me

And when he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed

Remember the first day we had an argument

And we haven't argued since

Remember the first day we stopped playing games

Remember the first day you fell in love with me

It felt so good for you to say those words

'Cause I felt the same way too

The way we held each others hands

The way we talked, the way we laughed

It felt so good to fall in love

And I knew right then and there you were the one

Explanation :

The entire song is about falling in love with a person who you aren't supposed to fall for. There can be multiple reasons why you aren't "supposed" to be with them: age, distance, gender, and perhaps you both may have someone else in your life. The hardest thing to do is to admit that you love that person, and the easiest thing is to say, "I hate you", and hope that one day you will mean it.

I know that he loves me 'cause he told me so

I know that he loves me 'cause his feelings show

And when he stares at me

You see he cares for me

You see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me 'cause it's obvious

I know that he loves me 'cause it's me he trusts

And he's missin' me if he's not kissin' me

And when he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul

I'm so happy, so happy that you're in my life and baby

Now that you're a part of me you've shown me

Shown me the true meaning of love (the true meaning of love)

And I know he loves me

I know that he loves me 'cause he told me so

I know that he loves me 'cause his feelings show

And when he stares at me

You see he cares for me

You see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me 'cause it's obvious

I know that he loves me 'cause it's me he trusts

And he's missin' me if he's not kissin' me

And when he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul

He looks at me and his brown eyes tell it so

Explanation :

it means that they are so in love with each other, that they dont need words to say what they mean to each other. they can just look into each others eyes and just know.

[wnq-psychology]

How To Build Your Self Esteem

step away from the affirmations

“To be healthy, functioning individuals, we need to feel good about ourselves. To feel good about ourselves, we need to feel that our time and energy is spent meaningfully. Meaning is the fuel of our minds. When you run out of it, everything else stops working.”

Most of us struggle with self esteem. Many of us are fortunate enough to realize this, and some of us care enough to try to fix it.

The problem, however, is with the majority of the resources available to us — especially online. I am pretty sure these articles are 100% written by people who have serious self esteem issues, regurgitated from everyone else who has self esteem issues, on down the cycle to readers with self esteem issues, who think it’s just their fault for not being able to apply them and successfully boost their self esteem.

But of course not. Because none of this is how self esteem works.

First, let’s talk about what self esteem ISN’T:

Self esteem is not selfishness or narcissism

Having to say this makes me impatient, because if people don’t innately “get it,” they fight it blindly, emotionally, tooth and nail. And I understand, because there are a lot of emotions on the line here (see: entire post) so I’m just going to tread lightly and quickly when I say:

Self love and self esteem are not selfishness.

On the contrary, selfish people have desperately low self esteem and self love, which is why they overcompensate, demand, and have nothing left to give others.

Self esteem is not a series of “dont’s”

Most self esteem articles cheerily suggest things like, “Don’t have the negative self talk. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t doubt yourself,” like “just don’t have low self-esteem!”

These aren’t solutions.

The brain struggles with the word “don’t,” and when you focus on the negative, you’re still focusing on the thing. The brain interprets the sentence as an imperative, like: “ah, okay, negative self talk. Got it!” The brain is baby Groot.

The way we talk to ourself is a reflection of self esteem, not the root. It’s effect, not cause. It helps, of course, but it’s not the core. And fixing the core will fix the way we think and talk about ourselves.

Nature abhors a vacuum. If you don’t have something positive at the ready, the old stuff will just rush back in.

Self esteem does not come from others

It’s not anyone’s job to make you feel good about yourself. It can only come from you.

Some articles suggest that readers should “learn to accept compliments” — several even went so far as to suggest that you approach others and “ask them what they like about you.”

Trying to build self esteem through “others’ compliments” is like trying to learn how to walk by being carried.

Only you control of your self-acceptance and self-love.

Self esteem is not in “self help”

This is just an extension of the above.

Self help reinforces perceptions of inferiority and shame. It plays on insecurities and fabricates solutions that don’t serve real needs. It encourages avoidance.

It’s like how MayoClinic convinces us we’re dying more than it actually, directly remedies health problems. Engaging will eventually make us absorb all these negatives. We are not more powerful than what we give attention.

Self help just replaces one external influence for another. We’re still grasping for some authority figure, some omnipotent voice, to tell us what to do.

This of course includes this very post. Which is ironic, but at least honest and warm-hearted, because I wrote this only after doing tons of similar reading myself, and I write hoping we all resolve this.

Self help will never help

When I was getting my business off the ground, in the 3 dark months of “white noise” after quitting my job but before getting my first customer, isolated and running mostly on “faith” alone, someone asked me, “what kind of music do you listen to during the day?” I told them, “on good days, upbeat music. On bad days, chill music. And I know it’s an ugly day when I resort to motivational videos on YouTube.”

Those videos got me nowhere — except maybe through the day.

You want to know what finally kicked my self esteem back into gear? When I started making sales. Once that happened, I never watched another motivational, “self-help” video.

Self esteem is not about “pampering”

My god, if we could all stop with the “indulgences” and “little day to day pleasures;” if only we could stop thinking “self love” is about “treating ourselves,” or “scheduling time every day for fun and relaxation.”

Heidi Priebe said it best,

“Real self-love isn’t about ‘treating yourself’… because real self-love is less about babying yourself and more about parenting yourself.”

Good parents don’t indulge children with candy each time they cry. Good parents support, teach coping mechanisms, and gently encourage growth.

This is what loving ourselves means as well. It’s not about daily indulgences. It’s identifying and pursuing our longterm values.

Self esteem is not about affirmations

Fuck writing down all your best qualities.

I don’t know who came up with this terrible advice, but it’s pretty much useless. Consider, for a moment, the most genuinely confident person you know — do they sit down every day and write down their best qualities? Maybe they do, but I doubt it.

Confident people don’t do this. And people don’t magically become confident doing it. Only self-doubting people get stuck in this compulsive loop.

Self love is not about affirmations.

As Heidi Priebe wrote,

“Claiming to love yourself and actually doing the hard work of loving yourself are not the same thing… You can repeat a thousand affirmations an hour, write a limitless number of blog posts about how you’re worthy of love and stick millions of post-it notes reminding yourself how awesome you are on every mirror in your house, but that only gets you 10% of the way to self-love.”

Except it’s more like 0%.

The real solution is: agency, awareness, authenticity, and action.

What self esteem IS:

Step 1.) Self esteem is agency

Self love is taking responsibility.

So many terrible articles encourage readers to keep self esteem at the mercy of external forces, prompting them to “think about what is affecting your self-esteem,” and suggesting “your confidence may have been lowered after a difficult experience or series of negative life event, such as: being bullied or abused, losing your job or difficulty finding employment, ongoing stress physical illness, mental health problems, a difficult relationship, separation or divorce.”

No. To this entire list: no.

I’m not saying that bad shit didn’t happen to you — it probably did. Because bad things happens to everyone. But life isn’t about playing the victim, or comparing notes on who suffered most. Life has negatives in the cards for everyone — even the most confident people you know — and the only difference between those with self esteem and those without it is that the first group chose to take responsibility for their lives, their responses, and their actions.

So when it comes to thinking about “what is affecting your self-esteem,” the answer is always “you.”

You are in control of your self esteem. That’s the entire list, beginning to end.

you are in charge. you are in charge. you. are. in. charge.

Step 2.) Self esteem is awareness

This is super important, and we don’t talk about it enough.

Get out of your damn head. Be present.

Stop slipping away. Stop shutting down. Stop freezing and falling silent any time you’re uncomfortable, or unsure, or anxious. Stop reminiscing on the past, or thinking about the future, or wandering around, mentally, anywhere that you actually aren’t.

I wrote pretty openly about struggling with this myself, and the fact that I’m currently working on it, so I speak from a place of empathy and love.

We do this is because we’ve learned that “shutting down” offers security — it’s “easier” if we don’t engage; we think there’s less risk.

But what we give up in exchange every time we do this is moments of our own lives. Which is why, in those brief moments we pull our head out of the sand, we’re filled with panic to realize we don’t like what we’re living. But then most of us respond by seeking reassurance (see “self help,” above — “you can do it!”) or solutions we don’t take, and ultimately shut it back down.

The first step? Awareness of your breathing. Second, awareness of your body in space; what you’re physically feeling. From there, you’ll become more aware of what you’re emotionally feeling as well. Accept these emotions as they come to you.

Wake up. Be aware of what you’re doing and where you are all the time. And most importantly: be aware of what you feel and think about it…

Step 3.) Self esteem is authenticity

It’s knowing what we actually want.

This is probably the hardest part. It’s also really important.

Because “nature abhors a vacuum,” if self esteem isn’t coming from external sources, but us instead, then we have to do the work of identifying what wewant and need — in that vacuum, without regard to others. (Note: just like the “selfish” section, that is not meant to read as “without regard for others.” We should still be considerate. But able to say what we want (or think or feel or need) without having to first ask, “well but what do others want?”)

Self esteem is answering “what do I think?” without first asking “what do others think?” This is harder than people realize, especially because it’s so ingrained.

I was recently thinking about what I wanted to do for Valentine’s Day, and initially could not answer this question— did I really want to go to dinner, or did I just like the way that sounded? Did I really want flowers, or did I just hope they’d serve as some security; some certainty that this was special? Did I really even want to do anything? Sometimes we do things we don’t evenreally want, but doing what “sounds good” saves us the risk of regretting having not done something come the morning of the 15th.

(In the end, what I wanted was a cookie from our favorite local bakery. We go together all the time and they put out these seasonal designs that are so adorable I could die. And then, like a good partner, I said in clear words that that’s what I wanted.)

We do this with everything. We pick where to travel, what to buy, and where to eat based on other people — our order at restaurants is influenced by others’, and we eat more in the presence of people we’re trying to impress. We often choose clothing, cars, houses, and hobbies couched in “what others think.” And sadly, we often even choose jobs and partners this way.

Sometimes we’re asked: “What would you do if you could not fail?”

And that’s great, but an equally great question is: “What would you do if you could not tell or be told by anyone?”

Would you get married if you had to go on telling people you weren’t? Would you drive the same car if nobody saw? Would you do the same thing on your weekends if you couldn’t frame it up as “how it retells on Monday morning?” Would you vacation in the same places if nobody knew?

Would you still be doing the same job and have the same partner if you had to tell people you had a totally different job and partner, both of which they deemed “unimpressive?”

What do you want? Not just in the moment, but in the long-run. What areyour values? What is your version of long-term happiness?

If that’s too hard or scary to speculate: start with a chunk of lifestyle now. Not your leisure time, but your actual life. When, for example, are you happiest at work? If your answer has anything to do with others (i.e., “when I get recognition,” “when I get a raise,” “when I win a deal,” or “when I help others,” you need to look again, for answers that serve you.) Maybe you don’t even like your work. That’s for you to explore.

If you’re struggling here and you just want more “help” on “how to do it:” you are missing the point entirely (and probably also missing the alarm bell that should be going off in your head.) This work fundamentally cannot be done by anyone else. This work is you. Do the work.

If you are so far gone that you still feel lost knowing what you want onany level: you skipped self awareness. You’re not paying attention. See “step 2” for further instruction.

Skipping this step is why “just do it!” doesn’t help

Our struggle (and reluctance) to find answers is why “advice” like “just do it!” or “just try things and see what you like” is met with apprehension at best, and disaster at worst. (If you aren’t in touch with what you actually want, and what your happiness feels like, there’s no way of even knowing if you like what you’re trying, and without this skill set, you’ll just keep falling back on “but it sounds cool” or “it’s what people do.”)

You can’t know what you love if you don’t know what love feels like, and you’re so out of touch with your own feelings you don’t know what it is.

We have to actually know who the hell we are, and what we want. Experimenting and taking action is second-grade reading level and we’re still learning letters over here.

Step 4.) Self esteem is action

Only once you understand what you want — what really makes you happy — in the long run.

Action is about making decisions. It’s about committing. It’s about choice and assertiveness and asking for the things we want and need. It’s about taking steps, and thinking, and coming to our conclusions — and then verbalizing them.

It’s also about being aware. It’s about being alert and awake and active in our own lives — not passive, compliant, or submissive.

As Nathaniel Branden wrote in “How to Raise Your Self Esteem,”

“Living consciously means taking responsibility for the awareness appropriate to the action in which we are engaged. This, above all, is the foundation of self confidence and self-respect.”

Or, to be slightly more clear,

“The difference between low self-esteem and high self-esteem is the difference between passivity and action.”

But knowing what action to take requires knowing what we want, outside of what others want — i.e., authenticity — which requires that we take full responsibility for our lives. Which requires that we dump all of the bad assumptions and models around self love, take agency in-house, and start to build self-fueling fire of our own desire.

About The Author:

Kris Gage

Motorcyclist, Software Manager, Drink-Slinger of the South 🍻 

Reach out: http://bit.ly/2CXgcv5

[nastyboyluke]

dont tell me how or why this whole imagine was based off these two photos which are basically the same thing bc i dont even know myself. enjoy. 〰️ word count: 1512 〰️ on tour with luke! “lukey” i said, sitting up in my seat. luke was on his phone, scrolling through whatever he was on, being oblivious to me calling him. “luke!” i said and tapped him with my foot. he looked up at me. “wot” he asked. “i want to snuggle.” i smiled and he smiled a little too. “come ‘ere” he said and opened his arms. i sat on his lap and he put his arms around me. he opened up the camera and took a picture, the flash going off, making me flinch. “ew thats so ugly!” i screeched as he laughed at the face i made. “no its not.” he said, shutting off his phone and throwing it across the couch. “you’re cute.” luke kissed my temple and rocked us back and forth. ashton and calum walked in. “yo, we’re gonna do sound in 30.” calum told luke. he nodded while ashton connected his phone to the speaker and put on music. luke groaned and proceeded to cuddle me even more. “i dont wanna do sound check.” he said. “i rather stay here with you.” “id like that too but we both know whats you gotta do.” i replied, playing with the necklaces that were around his neck. “we later tonight remember?” he nodded, turning his head to face my neck, leave delicate kisses there. “i love you.” he whispered. “i love you too.” i whispered with a smile. i kissed him quickly before pulling away and went over to the end table to grab a drink. “already drinking y/n?” calum chuckled. “shush dont act like yall dont either.” i said and took a sip from my red cup. he pouted with his arms across his chest but ended up nodding. luke grabbed my hand, “lets go walk around.” he pulled me to the door and i followed. i put my hoodie on and let him guide me around the place. he looked around areas and and we ended up in a small dark little hallway. “why are we here?” i asked and took another sip from my cup. “because,” he said and put his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. “i wanna kiss you.” i could barley see his face but i could feel his hot breath. i giggled and put my cup down and he filled the gap between us. “are we gonna get in trouble?” i asked quietly. “why would we get in trouble?” he laughed and placed kisses on my neck. “you’re such a goody two shoes baby.” “shut up.” i smiled, putting the piece of hair that was out of his lil man bun behind his ear as he continued to leave kisses. “luke i swear to god if you leave a mark i will beat you.” “cant you just cover it up with like makeup or something?” he asked and swayed us back and forth as he continued to leave kisses on my face. “i dont have any on me right now,” i answered. “and i dont want people to see and like—post it online and call me names and stuff.” he sighed and left one last kiss on my lips. “okay fine.” luke paused and hugged my small frame. “whatever people call you, it doesn’t matter because they dont know who you really are. you and i only know who you are.” i looked down and picked my cup up. “thanks.” i said softy. “lets goto the stage.” he said and grabbed my hand again as we walked through more hallways. we found ourself at the stage and i sat at the edge in the corner on my phone while they rehearsed. every few minutes or so, luke would look over at me and smile making me smile too because hes too darn cute. after they rehearsed, we got food and the boys jammed out to music. i sat on the couch, staying quiet watching them. they noticed and now it was there sole purpose to get me up and dancing with them. ashton came over and grabbed me my hands, pulling me up. “stop!” i begged. “c’mon y/n stop being such a party pooper!” he said and was dancing all weird making me laugh. luke came over and put his hands on my waist and swayed. “dance love.” he said and i bit my lip and just swayed with him. they cheered but that wasn’t going to be the end of it. i was still in my big hoodie with my hands hiding in the sleeves and the hood over my head. he took my hood off and began to spin me around making me laugh. he pulled me into his arms, interlacing our fingers together as we danced. i looked up at him while he looked back at me. i felt myself blush so i looked away and continued to spin around with him. once the song was finished, i pulled away and sat back down. the guys were getting more and more hyped the time it got closer. once it was time for them to leave the greenroom, luke went over to me with his guitar in hand. “you better watch.” he said and kissed me. “i will.” i smiled. he winked at me before leaving the room with the boys. once the show started i stood on the side of the backstage watching the show. when it was lukes time to talk, he looked at me before he spoke. “hows everyone tonight?” he asked the crowd. they cheered and screamed. “me too! im so happy to be in here tonight! my lovely girlfriend y/n is here tonight and ive missed her so much since we’ve been on tour but i get to be with her finally.” he said and looked over at me and smiled. “anyways, this next song we’re gonna sing is her favorite song off the album so, ima dedicate this song to mi lady. this is lie to me.” + “i thought you were gonna make me go on stage and i was gonna die.” i said as he came out of the bathroom after his shower. we were at the hotel now after a long night. all i wanted to do was just watch parks and rec with luke. “no i wasn’t i know you’d be mad if i did.” he smiled and climbed into bed. “thats right.” i laughed and snuggled up to him. he put an arm around me, pulling me up on him. i was on top of him now and he smiled wide. luke shut the lamp off so all there was the light from the tv on us. i kissed him, slowly, biting on is bottom lip softly. he gave in and placed his hands on my waist, trying to pull me closer to him. i stopped kissing him and gazed at him. “i love you.” i said, pinching his cheek. “i love you too.” he said and rolled us over, making me squeal. now he was inbetween my legs and i laughed out loud. “are we wrestling?” i asked as i brushed his hair out of his face. “i like being on top better.” he said and kissed my stomach. “can we?” “not tonight. im too tired.” i said and he nodded but kissed me. we made out for a bit till he laid down next to me and we spooned. under the sheets, his hands were wrapped around my stomach under my shirt. “luke?” i asked. “hm” he hummed and kissed my shoulder. “can you sing to me?” i asked feeling so embarrassed for asking. “its okay if you dont since you just did literally today—“ “sure.” he said. “what do you want me to sing?” “anything.” i answered. he began to sing blackbird by the beatles. his voice was soft and gentle. i listened intently and began to fell tears fill my eyes. i literally cried. “wait, DONT CRY!” he laughed and sat us up. “why are you crying?” “i dont know.” i laughed and wiped my eyes. “you making me simp about you.” “dont simp.” he said and hugged me. we’ve been together for 2 years now and ever since he began touring, its really put a toll on me. we try to call or facetime as much as we can if we’re not texting (mostly playing 8 ball tho). “i just dont want to have to say goodbye to you again.” i said and tears began to roll down my cheeks. “i just wanna stay here forever with you and love you and snuggle you.” “i know, i do too hun.” he said and looked at me. “im sorry.” “its not your fault.” i said and gave him a little smile through my tears. “you’re living your dream and i cant stop you from that.” “thank you for being an awesome girlfriend.” he said kissed me. “you’re a good boyfriend.” i replied. we laid down again and snuggled. he ran his fingers through my hair, relaxing me. soon enough, i feel asleep in his arms.