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bevioletskies · 4 years ago

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the first time (ever i saw your face)

summary: On their six-month anniversary, Apollo and Klavier decide to pose a seemingly harmless question: what did they think of each other when they first met? As it turns out, the topic is a little more complicated than they originally thought.

word count: 4.9k | read on ao3

a/n: For @klapollo-week, day one of seven (prompt: "firsts"). All seven of my fics take place in the same continuity! However, each can be read as a stand-alone, with the exception of day seven being a sequel to day five.

This fic takes place at some distant point in time after Spirit of Justice where Apollo and Trucy have learned that they’re siblings. Mild spoiler warning for the end of Apollo Justice; warning for brief mentions of alcohol. Fic title is from the song The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack.

“...why does this look like something out of a direct-to-streaming movie adaptation of a YA novel that has a three-star average rating on Goodreads?”

“If you’re trying to say you don’t like it, baby, you could just say so.”

“No, no, I - I’m actually kinda into it. It’s like we’ve walked onto the set of a staged proposal, though if you ask me to marry you right now, I will start laughing.”

Klavier sighed. “I’m starting to think the phrase ‘romance is dead’ was invented specifically for you.” Nevertheless, he tugged gently on Apollo’s hand. “Come on, liebe, I got our favorite snacks, I queued our favorite movies...and before you ask, nein, there is no engagement ring, so stop looking at me like that.”

“I’m not...totally opposed to getting married, you know,” Apollo added as he followed Klavier. “It’s just...it’s a little early for me. This is only our six-month anniversary, after all.”

“Fair enough,” Klavier hummed, the two of them settling down in their spots. He’d learned long ago that Apollo wasn’t one for flashy, photo op-worthy dates, that he preferred more intimate, low-key settings. And so, for their six-month anniversary, Klavier had taken them to his family estate. He had cleared out the conservatory overlooking the garden of all its furniture, filling it with blankets and pillows, drapes and string lights, and a projector whose screen covered the entire back wall. It reminded Apollo of what he himself had done for their three-month anniversary - because apparently, he was that kind of person now - when he’d planned a weekend’s stay in a cozy lakeside cabin. “A conversation for another time, ja?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Apollo draped one of the blankets over his and Klavier’s laps, then lowered his head to rest on Klavier’s shoulder. Smiling, Klavier turned to briefly kiss Apollo’s temples, then reached for his laptop so he could start the movie. They spent the first fifteen or so minutes in companionable silence, sharing a bag of popcorn and a bottle of wine while they watched, until Apollo eventually spoke again. “...weird, isn’t it?”

“The movie? Not particularly,” Klavier shrugged. “If anything, I’d say the plot twist is a bit predictable.”

“No, not the movie. I mean...this.” Apollo gestured aimlessly. “You and me. Us.”

Klavier’s expression darkened somewhat. “Are you...having doubts about our relationship, Apollo?”

“Wh - no, no, not at all!” Apollo protested, sitting up. “It’s just...I guess it’s mostly weird for me. Like, if someone told me, say, a couple years ago, that I was gonna be in a relationship with you, of all people...hell, can you imagine if someone told me that on the day we met? I-I wouldn’t believe it!”

“You weren’t shy about your distaste for me, true,” Klavier agreed, his slight frown relaxing into an amused smile.

“I don’t think that’s an...entirely accurate assessment of, uh, of how I felt,” Apollo said carefully.

Now it was Klavier’s turn to straighten up, looking at him curiously. “Really?” he asked. “Then what did you think of me when we first met?”

“You first,” Apollo retorted, seemingly on instinct. He then softened. “I mean, only if you want to. I’m kinda curious.”

“I don’t mind,” Klavier reassured him, setting down his wine glass so he could squeeze Apollo’s hand. He hesitated, thinking it over. “...I expected to hate you from the very beginning, to be perfectly honest. And, for a moment there...I did.”

Apollo’s eyes widened. “Wh...what?”

“‘Disgraced Defense Attorney Dismantled By His Disciple’, I believe the headline was,” Klavier continued. He then smiled wryly. “A bit dramatic, if you ask me. But then again, I’m not a big fan of alliteration, so I might just be biased.”

“Did you really hate me?” Apollo’s shout had dropped to a mere whisper. “Because...because you didn’t wanna believe it, did you? About…what had happened. What he’d done.”

“It wasn’t all bad memories, all the time, you know.” Klavier gently released Apollo’s hand so he could brush his hair out of his eyes, though he kept his head ducked low. “We had our moments, him and I. We weren’t close, but...we weren’t estranged, either. In fact, I...I first heard your name from him, not from the papers.”

“He told you about me.” It wasn’t a question. “I guess I should’ve suspected, but I never really knew what your relationship was like...before. I mean, he never once mentioned having a brother, so I kinda assumed…”

“As everyone does,” Klavier shrugged, far too casually for Apollo’s liking. “Anyway, your question was about you and me, not me and him, ja? He told me all the usual things people have to say about you - loud, eager to please, a little bit sensitive. I didn’t think much of it at the time, other than the fact you had a strange name.”

Apollo rolled his eyes, sinking back into the cushions. “Wonderful. Fantastic. Glad to know I made a great first impression.”

“And then when the headlines came along...and Mama and Papa called…” Klavier’s face darkened once more; he cleared his throat. “I looked you up. I hadn’t bothered when I first heard your name, but I had to know. Still, I...I found almost nothing. No photos, no social accounts...nichts. Just a single line on a college graduate roster and the same articles I’d been reading before.”

“...I see.” Apollo fiddled with the ends of his blanket, just so he would have something to do with his hands. “So, when we finally met in person…”

_____

The first thing Klavier noticed was Apollo’s eyes - large, round, expressive to a fault. The color of melted chocolate, though in the sunlight, more akin to the color of honey. Those eyes of Apollo’s, curious and maybe a little bit accusatory, narrowed right at him as he arrived at the entrance of People Park. He internally winced at the sight of Apollo’s companion, who was arguing with the police officer standing guard at the scene. Despite the time that had passed since he last saw her, he could never forget Trucy Enigmar-now-Wright.

Are you working for Phoenix Wright now? Klavier wanted to ask as he approached them. Why? Don’t you know what he’s done? Don’t you see what he’s become?

“I must say I'm used to being inspected by the ladies...but this is the first time I've felt this way with a man,” he said instead, leaning forward to smile somewhat condescendingly at them. Klavier was momentarily struck by how similar they were - how their hair was the exact same shade of brown, how the dusting of freckles across their identically shaped noses matched too perfectly, how their furrowed brows and perplexed frowns were one and the same. The only difference was their eyes, hers more the color of a stormy sea. Perhaps there’s a song lyric there? Klavier mused to himself. Ach, now is not the time.

“Mr...Gavin?” Apollo said disbelievingly, his eyes now widening. His arms, previously crossed tightly against his chest, fell to his sides. The motion caught Klavier’s eye, drawing his attention to the glint of the golden bracelet sitting on Apollo’s left wrist. He wondered if there was some sort of significance to it, what with the way Apollo clutched it tightly with his right hand.

“Ah, fräulein,” Klavier continued, his eyes flickering back upwards. He wondered if she knew him, if she recognized him at all. Clearly, Apollo had no idea who he was; he wasn’t sure how to feel about that just yet. “What is a sweet morsel like you doing in such a dismal place? Can I help?”

“Yes! The police man officer fellow here won't let us in!” Trucy complained, huffing. She brandished an envelope in Klavier’s face, nearly swatting him on the nose as she did. He flinched slightly, surprised by how brazen she was. “We even have a letter of request!”

Klavier’s smile softened into one that was a little more genuine. He couldn’t help but be instantly charmed by her. “You must be exhausted, standing out here. I will take you to the scene of the crime.”

“Ooh! Really?” Trucy exclaimed, brightening. Apollo looked skeptical in comparison, his intense gaze traversing the length of Klavier’s body. Usually, he would have preened at the attention, been flattered by the obvious interest and maybe made a show of looking back, but he knew that wasn’t what Apollo was looking for. I am not him, Klavier thought fiercely. I am not the one you trusted, the one who taught you everything you know. I could never -

“By your leave, officer,” Klavier said with a nod and a wink. He barely heard the officer’s affirmation over his own thoughts. Then, he turned back to Trucy and tilted his head towards the park. “Very well. This way, fräulein.”

Trucy’s giggle was sweet, melodic, as she happily followed him through the entrance. He made a show of lifting the police tape for her to duck under, which she seemed easily amused by. Apollo, meanwhile, was left standing on the street, staring at them incredulously, before he finally seemed to register what was happening. “Hey! What about me?!” he cried. His voice gets raspier the louder he gets, Klavier couldn’t help but observe. Interesting.

Once Apollo had caught up, Klavier turned to grin at them both, teeth clenched beneath his lips. Trucy was rocking back and forth on her heels, beaming back, while Apollo had braced his hands on his hips indignantly, like he had something he wanted to say and was just waiting for the opportune moment to say it. Ach, those eyes, those hands, those freckles, Klavier thought rather stupidly. Wait - you’re not supposed to think he’s cute, Klavier, hör auf!

“On that note, enjoy your investigation,” he remarked. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the flash of a white lab coat further into the park that told him he needed to leave if he didn’t want to be reprimanded - or worse, Snackoo-ed.

“Thank you! Will we see you again?” Trucy asked, hopeful.

Klavier hesitated. Apollo still hadn’t said a thing about the obvious elephant in the room, still staring at Klavier like he was a ghost. He wanted Apollo to say something, anything, to ask questions, to start the conversation that he himself admittedly didn’t want to take responsibility for. But Apollo was clearly stunned into silence, and any courage Klavier had had when he first walked up to them moments ago was long gone.

“Ask the wind, fräulein. I'll be riding on it,” he said, shooting them one last saccharine smile. He could hear the click-click of Ema’s shoes against the cobblestone as she approached. With that, he turned and left, his chest aching in confusion.

_____

The silence was heavy, heavier than Apollo expected. Klavier had turned the movie volume down long ago, leaving them with nothing but the sound of their own quiet breaths. “Makes sense,” Apollo finally said, shooting Klavier a sympathetic smile. “To you, I...I jumped ship from one corrupt defense attorney to another. At least, that’s what it seemed like at the time, right?”

“Part of me wanted to confront you right then and there, but I didn’t want to do it. Not in front of everyone, especially not in front of her. But the other part of me...I just wanted to learn more about you. To get to know you before I decided whether it was a battle worth fighting. Whether he was worth defending.” Klavier then smiled back; now it was his turn to drop his head onto Apollo’s shoulder. “Besides, you were cute, and I’m weak.”

“‘Were’, huh?” Apollo teased, nudging him. “Well, I’m glad Trucy’s presence, your curiosity, and my cuteness apparently deterred you enough to walk away. To think, what would you have done if you didn’t think I was cute - ”

“Achtung, you’re such an arschgeige sometimes,” Klavier groaned, laughing. “Anyway...I got my answer in court soon enough. I could trust you, and he...he wasn’t worth defending. Not one bit.”

“No, not at all,” Apollo agreed. “Still, I’m...I’m sorry, Klav. Not for what I did, I mean, I-I had to, but just...how it all played out. How messy things got. Whenever we, y’know, come here to see your parents, I still see that look in their eyes. It’s that face that you make when you think no one’s looking.” He swallowed. “Mr. Wright says Trucy does that, too. Less now that she’s got me and Mom, but…well.”

“It wasn’t you, Apollo, it was me. It all started with me believing he wouldn’t lie to me.” Klavier’s laughter was bitter now. “Anyway, I’m starting to think we’re all a little too observant for our own good. None of us can ever let things go, nein?”

“We’d be horrible lawyers if we could,” Apollo chuckled, rubbing Klavier’s arm reassuringly. “But fine, fine, I’ll stop psychoanalyzing you now. It’s my turn, anyway.”

“I want to hear this,” Klavier said, snuggling closer. “Lay it on me, baby. Tell me how you fell for me in two seconds flat.”

“I’m gonna lay into you in two seconds flat if you don’t let me talk,” Apollo said dryly, elbowing him again. “I, uh, I don’t think I remember it as clearly as you do, but…”

_____

“Excuse me, coming through.”

It was a voice, a smooth, musical voice, polite but firm, that caught Apollo’s attention first. He turned in its direction, confused by how familiar it felt, how similar it sounded to another voice he knew, but with a light, lilting cadence and a strangely affected accent whose origins he couldn’t quite place.

“Ah! It’s you! Mr. Gavin!”

Apollo’s eyes widened, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, then narrowed at the sight before him. Striding towards them with a swagger in his step was a man who, as far as Apollo could tell, was supposed to be behind bars. Only, his skin was a few shades darker, his hair a shade or two lighter, and he was wearing, for reasons Apollo couldn’t fathom, eyeliner and leather and chains instead of a neatly-pressed suit and wire-rimmed glasses. Who’s THIS guy? Apollo thought, his stomach turning.

“I must say I'm used to being inspected by the ladies...but this is the first time I've felt this way with a man,” the man said, leaning in close; his smile was a little wider than Apollo would have liked. Apollo also didn’t want to think about how pretty he was, how long his eyelashes were or how smooth his skin seemed to be. This can’t be him, Apollo decided, though he was still frozen in place. He could only vaguely feel Trucy’s fingers tugging gently on his shirt sleeve. No, it can’t be - it’s not - but who -

“Mr...Gavin?” Apollo said stupidly. He felt a phantom pinch on his left wrist; he released his arms from where they were crossed so he could rub the spot where it hurt, though the moment he touched it, he realized he hadn’t been in pain at all. The man’s eyes flickered down, following his fingers in curiosity, before moving back up to continue smiling beatifically at Trucy.

“Ah, fräulein,” he said; he was practically simpering now. “What is a sweet morsel like you doing in such a dismal place? Can I help?” Apollo barely managed to refrain from rolling his eyes. Of course, he internally sighed, he’s one of those guys.

“Yes! The police man officer fellow here won't let us in!” Trucy whined, shoving the envelope in the man’s face. Apollo had to bite back a laugh at his startled expression, a contrast to his otherwise indifferent smile. “We even have a letter of request!”

“You must be exhausted, standing out here,” the man murmured sympathetically, eyes sparkling. He seemed intrigued, though Apollo couldn't blame him. He supposed he and Trucy looked like a completely mismatched pair. “I will take you to the scene of the crime.”

“Ooh! Really?” Trucy exclaimed, her entire face lighting up. Apollo tried not to smile himself; her energy was infectious. Then, the man’s words finally clicked in his mind. Wait - really?! But why would he - how can he - who is he?

“By your leave, officer,” the man ordered, winking. A pleasant shiver went down Apollo’s spine, one that he was trying his best to ignore. No good was going to come out of that train of thought, not when this man was clearly someone he needed to worry about - though in what way, he wasn’t sure yet. He seemed too generous, too open. Whether he was a police officer, a detective, or, god forbid, a prosecutor, Apollo didn’t trust him not to lead them astray, not one bit. “Very well. This way, fräulein.”

Before Apollo knew it, the man was walking away with Trucy in tow, leaving him behind. “Hey! What about me?!” he shouted, jogging after them. By the time he caught up, both of them were grinning at him amusedly, as if watching him trip over his own feet was some hysterical inside joke. Huffing, he braced his hands on his hips, ready to open his mouth and protest. The man’s gaze briefly travelled down to his hands once more. What’s that all about? Apollo wondered, confused. What’s he looking at? Is it my bracelet? It’s not that weird, is it? Wait, or can he tell that it’s -

“On that note, enjoy your investigation,” the man said, speaking a little quicker than he did before. He suddenly seemed distracted, like he couldn’t wait to get away from them.

“Thank you!” Trucy chirped, bouncing up and down on her toes. “Will we see you again?”

“Ask the wind, fräulein,” the man said, recovering. He seemed almost too focused on Trucy, like something about Apollo bothered him. Maybe he already knew who Apollo was, what Apollo had done. Was he angry? Resentful? Waiting for the right moment to strike? A shiver of a different kind tingled throughout Apollo’s body at the very thought; the phrase “kill them with kindness” was coming to mind. “I'll be riding on it.” He then left without another word, leaving Apollo to stare stupidly after him, his heartbeat in his throat.

“...who was that?” Apollo exclaimed, stunned, as if he wasn’t confused enough by everything else that was going on. His mind was racing with possibility, with anxiety that he really, really didn’t need. Before he could get into it, however, his jumbled thoughts were quickly cut off by Trucy’s surprised cry.

“Eek! Apollo, look - a c-corpse!”

_____

“...interesting,” Klavier said after a moment’s silence. “Did she really think the mannequin was a dead body?”

“Seriously, Klav?” Apollo groaned. “Surprised you didn’t fixate on the part where I thought you were pretty.”

“‘Were’?” Klavier echoed mockingly, grinning. His expression then sobered. “So...mixed feelings all around, it seems. I suppose it shouldn’t be all that shocking, though. We weren’t...total strangers, after all.”

“You practically were to me,” Apollo murmured, tangling his fingers in Klavier’s hair. Klavier leaned into his touch, his eyes fluttering closed in contentment. “At least you knew I existed, while I...he never…” He then shook his head. “Y’know, I-I’m not sure if I really wanna think about this anymore. Not if it makes us think about him.”

“It’s not one of our happiest memories, nein,” Klavier agreed, humming. “I like where we are now...where we can trust each other. There’s little I hate more than ambiguity. And not knowing how I was supposed to feel about you…”

“Sucks, right?” Apollo let out a hollow laugh. “But at least we were on the same page, in a, uh, weird way. I guess that’s always been our thing. Even when you’re driving me up the wall in court - which is all the time, so don’t even question me, I see that look on your face - we’re, y’know, generally working towards the same goal.”

Klavier’s fingers danced along the length of Apollo’s forearm, tapping out a rhythm that Apollo couldn’t quite pick out. “I’d like to think so. I was never really sure until...ach, well. You remember.”

_____

Apollo was still trembling as he exited the courtroom with Trucy by his side. She was putting on a brave face for them both, but he had a feeling that she was more torn up about what had happened than he was. He wanted to comfort her, to reassure her somehow after they’d learned the truth behind her biological father’s death, but for once, he was completely speechless.

“Polly?” Trucy’s voice was tentative. “I’m...kinda hungry.”

“I...oh.” Apollo looked at her curiously. Out of all the things he’d expected her to say, that hadn’t been one of them. “Do you wanna get something to eat? We could go to Eldoon’s if you want.”

“No, that’s okay,” Trucy reassured him. Her face then lit up. “I was actually thinking about the courthouse café! We can get cake and drinks and stuff. A little sugar goes a long way!”

Apollo smiled softly. “Sure, Trucy. Whatever you’d like.”

And so, they found themselves a small table at the courthouse café - and maybe calling it that was rather generous on Trucy’s part - with two thick slices of Swiss rolls and tall glasses of milk tea. Admittedly, Apollo still felt numb, but Trucy’s running commentary of her thoughts on the trial kept him going. “Now all we need is for Vera to wake up,” Trucy said, gripping her fork with determination. “I’m still so worried about her! What if she doesn’t - ”

“We can’t think like that, okay?” Apollo said, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. “We gotta have hope. That’s all we can do, you know?”

“I guess,” Trucy murmured, chewing her bottom lip fretfully. She went quiet for a minute or so, poking at the last bits of her drink’s half-melted ice with her straw. “Hey, um...Daddy says he’s meeting up with a friend later today, and he wants to have dinner. And when he says ‘friend’, he usually means Mr. Edgeworth. You know, the prosecutor?”

“Yeah, I’ve definitely heard of him.” Apollo sat up a little straighter at the word ‘prosecutor’. In his stupor over the whole ordeal, he’d barely spared a thought for Klavier; he could only vaguely guess how he was doing. “What about him?”

“I was just wondering if, maybe, you’d wanna...join us?” Trucy suggested. He’d never seen her so hesitant before. “For dinner, I mean.”

“...oh.” Apollo paused. “No, uh - not today, sorry. I should really go home and sleep all of this - ” he gestured aimlessly “ - off. I feel like I need to sleep for, like, three days straight.”

“Sure, of course,” Trucy nodded, smiling faintly. “But….you’re still coming back to the agency, right? Maybe not tomorrow, but like...in a few days?”

“Yeah. Yeah, definitely,” Apollo promised, surprised by how quickly he’d responded. In all his hesitation, his doubts about law and what it was meant to be, what it could be, he was finally starting to feel like the Wright Anything Agency was where he belonged.

After they finished eating, he and Trucy parted ways after a long, much-needed hug on the courthouse steps. Apollo then went to fetch his bike from the rack adjacent to the courthouse parking lot, only to spot a familiar face lingering nearby, seemingly in no rush to leave.

“...Gavin?” Apollo said carefully.

Klavier turned sharply at the sound of Apollo’s voice. His smile was a touch too wide, his eyes suspiciously glossy. “Ah, Herr Forehead,” he greeted, ducking his head; his voice sounded trapped in his own throat. “Good show in there, as always. You never fail to impress.”

“Thanks. Hey, um - I’m surprised to see you’re still here,” Apollo commented, taking a few tentative steps closer. “Don’t you have somewhere...better to be?”

“Not really, nein.” Klavier let out a short, forced laugh. “I have paperwork to do, I’m sure. But it can wait.”

“...right.” Apollo cleared his throat awkwardly. “Thanks, by the way.”

Klavier blinked. “Entschuldigung? What for?”

“For agreeing to summon your brother, and...y’know, everything after that.” Apollo found himself oddly fascinated with a few stray pebbles on the ground, nudging them around with the toes of his loafers so he wouldn’t have to look at Klavier’s face. “Look, I-I’m not gonna pretend like I know what you, or Trucy, or Mr. Wright are going through. I’m mostly on the outside looking in, so. All I really know, if I know anything at all, is that, uh...we did the right thing. Yeah?”

“Ja.” When Apollo looked up, Klavier was also deliberately looking elsewhere, staring off into the distance at nothing in particular. He’d displayed a whirlwind of emotions back in the courtroom, but none of them were quite the same as the bitter expression he was wearing right now. “...Apollo?”

Now it was Apollo’s turn to do double-take. “Huh? Wh-what is it?”

“Danke schön. For...everything. I honestly don’t think I could’ve done...any of that on my own,” Klavier confessed, his voice thick with emotion. “And I think I...I think I’m going to take a little time away from the prosecutor’s office. Not for long, mind you. Just...I need some time off. A week, maybe two. Some distance, some perspective...it would make a world of difference, achtung.” He then turned to face Apollo directly for the first time since they started talking. He looked tired, defeated, even. His posture, his expression - Apollo felt as if he was seeing an entirely different person standing before him.

Without thinking, Apollo took the last few steps forward and closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around Klavier and pulling him close. Klavier let out a startled noise; then, he hugged Apollo back, sinking his weight against Apollo’s, his forehead dropping to Apollo’s shoulder. His exhale was long, unsteady. “Take care of yourself, okay?” Apollo said, fingers digging into Klavier’s back, his face buried against Klavier’s bicep. “And if you ever wanna talk about it...I-I mean, I’m sure I’m not your first choice, but still. I’m, uh, I’m around.”

“Danke,” Klavier murmured, barely above a whisper. They stayed like that for a moment, maybe a moment too long, just holding each other in the middle of the courthouse parking lot for anyone and everyone to see. Klavier’s breath trembled against Apollo’s ear; Apollo half-expected his knees to give out from underneath him. Then, he slowly detached himself from Apollo’s grasp, carefully schooling his expression into something more Klavier-like, something brighter and blander, his teeth blindingly white in the mid-afternoon sun. “Anyway, I should really get going. That paperwork isn’t going to take care of itself, ja?”

“Oh, uh. Yeah, don’t I know it,” Apollo said, letting out another strained chuckle.

“Until next time, then,” Klavier said smoothly, winking. “Auf Wiedersehen, Herr Forehead.” He didn’t wait for Apollo’s send-off, instead turning and heading over to his motorcycle, humming and twirling his keychain expertly between his practiced fingers. Apollo watched him peel out of the parking lot, silently wondering if he’d said all he wanted - no, needed - to say.

_____

“Of course I remember.” Apollo held Klavier just a little bit tighter. “But, y’know, again - not our best moment. Not by a long shot.”

Klavier lifted his head from Apollo’s shoulder so he could kiss him briefly, gently. Apollo smiled against Klavier’s lips, cupping his jaw so he could bring him closer. “But I’d still say our first kiss is more of a memory worth reminiscing over. Wouldn’t you agree, liebe?”

“It was a little dramatic for my taste,” Apollo teased, pulling back so he could affectionately nudge his nose against Klavier’s cheek, his fingers lightly pressed into Klavier’s sides. “But you’re into that sort of thing, so I’ll give it a pass. Still, let’s just agree not to cry all over each other ever again, okay? It was honestly kinda gross. And wet. And not in a fun way.”

“You’re saying you won’t cry when I propose?” Klavier asked, pouting exaggeratedly. “Because ach, I know I will.”

“Who says you’re proposing?” Apollo retorted, grinning as he prodded Klavier in the chest. “What if I get there first? What if, while you’re getting down on one knee, I just whip a ring box out of my pocket - ”

“Then I really will lose my scheisse,” Klavier murmured, his lips ghosting across Apollo’s skin. “I’m going to hold you to it, baby.”

“Can’t guarantee it’ll happen, but I’m definitely gonna try,” Apollo said, turning his head to capture Klavier’s lips once more. The two of them exchanged slow, lazy kisses for a few minutes, fingers loosely tangled in each other’s hair. In the background, the movie continued on, long forgotten; not that it mattered, seeing as they’d watched it together many times before.

Eventually, Klavier carefully detangled himself from Apollo. He passed him his wine glass, still half-full, then reached for his own and lifted it above his head. “To making new memories, ja?”

“Are we really cheers-ing ourselves? That’s pretty self-serving, literally,” Apollo said dubiously, though he still raised his glass all the same, amused by Klavier’s dramatics. “But hell, why not? To new memories that don’t involve us crying, sneezing, yelling - ”

“You make us sound like absolute disasters, achtung,” Klavier protested, chuckling. “We’re not that bad, are we?”

Apollo took a sip of his drink, then leaned in close, so close that his nose brushed against Klavier’s, his wine-stained, kiss-bitten lips stretched into a fond grin. “Nah. I think we’re doing just fine.”

_____

a/n: Welcome to my first entry for Klapollo Week 2021! I've never participated in any fandom challenges/events before, so I'm super excited to see how this goes. My plan is a little overambitious, with all seven fics set in the same continuity, but in a different order. For example, this fic is actually the last, chronologically speaking, while day seven's fic is set in the middle. If you're wondering why they were crying during their first kiss, you'll have to wait until then 😉

Don't worry about any of that, though, you don't need to read the others to follow along! Day seven is technically a sequel to day five, but it can be read as a stand-alone, though I think it packs more punch if you read it after day five. They're also the longest; every other fic averages out to about four to five thousand words, whereas five and seven are over ten thousand words each. Brevity is the soul of wit? Not in my Google Docs, I am wordy as hell.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Likes and reblogs would be much appreciated. Hoping you're all safe and healthy and doing well ❤️

#KlapolloWeek2021 #klapollo #kyodoroki #klapollo fic #ace attorney #ace attorney fic #myfic #long post #i've made that dumb goodreads joke before lmao #anyway happy klapollo week y'all!!

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captain-jensen · 4 years ago

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Let’s Enjoy Tonight

Chris Evans x Reader

Request: Can I request a Chris Evans imagine where he is in love with Robert Downey Jr's daughter and is at a party at Robert's and talks to her on the balcony about her family and about her dad and eventually reveals how he feels??? Thanks 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💗

Warnings: Age gap

Authors note: This takes place a couple of years ago to fit the scenario. I know it’s short but I’m a sucker for happy cliffhanger endings.

Tonight is a big deal. Your father was throwing a huge wrap party for the cast and crew of the last Avengers movie. You aren’t nervous in the slightest though, even given the scale of the party. For the last few months of filming you’ve been hanging out with your dad on set so you’ve gotten to know the rest of the cast really well. Not that you didn’t know them before hand, you’ve known them for years. This year was different though, you’re 22 this time around which means you have been hanging out with the Avengers like an adult, often getting invited to their karaoke nights. So to say you were excited for tonight would be an understatement. Excited in particular to see one original Avenger. Over the past few months you and Chris have become particularly close. It started with you guys pairing up for karaoke, then you guys starting eating lunch together on set, and when it came to the parties he or one of the other cast members threw you guys always stuck close together. You guys have become VERY close friends. Too close as some (like your dad) would say. Whenever you guys were in the same room you were always giggling together, making excuses to be as close as possible, whispering to each other, and often can be caught staring at one another across the room. Neither of you have made a move yet though, given a couple of obstacles. Obstacle number 1; Age, Chris is 37 years old, that’s 15 years older than you. Which doesn’t bother YOU but it does bring up the topic of obstacle number 2; Your dad. Your father is none other than the godfather of Marvel himself Robert Downey Jr. Now your dad is chill and understanding sure, but its hard to predict how he would react to the possible relationship between his daughter and one of his very close friends. Your dad however, was not a stupid man. He can see that there’s something between you and Chris, but he might be choosing to ignore it until it gets out of hand. You’re hoping that tonight is the night things get out of hand.

There is only about an hour left before people start to show up to your dads rented condo. You’re wearing a simple red dress that hugs your figure just right. Hopefully Chris will love it. “Y/N sweetie are you almost ready?” you hear your fathers voice outside the door.

“I’m done, come in dad” You see the door creak open slowly and then your dads head pops out from behind it.

“Sweetheart you look beautiful. A little intense though for the wrap party isn’t it? I mean that’s a lot of shoulder, are you trying to impress someone?” He asks only half joking.

“Oh my god dad, I’m just trying to fit in with the Hollywood crew” you retort. Putting to use the wit your father passed down.

“Well I’m relieved to hear that” He said. Even though he fully knew what your plan was, he was happy to not hear it come out of your mouth. “Well people are going to be showing up soon so lets go eat” and with that he walks out of your room to go snack on some hors d’oeuvres.

A knock at the door of the condo startles you and you jump up to accompany your dad at the door, welcoming the first guest of the evening. To your dismay however, it was just Gwyneth and her husband. After about an hour and several guest arrivals later, you finally hear his upbeat and loud voice through the music. You look towards the door and see Chris hugging your dad at the door. You coolly make your way to the door while trying to keep your excitement in your chest. As soon as your in Chris’ eyeline he can’t take his eyes off of you (your dad recognizes this). As you approach your father and who you hope will become your daddy, you put on your prize winning smile and pull Chris in for a hug. “I’m glad you came tonight” you say softly into his ear.

“You know I would never miss a good party” he responds, pulling away from the hug after feeling a pair of suspecting eyes on him. Chris could never let it be known by anyone how much he liked you. He couldn’t do that to his friend. He also couldn’t help it. You were magnetic. Whenever you were around, Chris felt like the happiest guy around. He could never take his smile off of his face, and the same applied to you. After you guys separate your dads attention gets pulled elsewhere. “You look...really amazing Y/N” Chris says quietly to you.

“Thanks, you do too Chris” you shoot him a wink and a sly smile. “Lets go get a drink” You say, already ushering him to the makeshift bar where a very skilled mixologist was slinging drinks left and right. You both order a drink and decide to sit at the bar. “So how does it feel knowing you aren’t Captain America anymore?” you ask.

“Honestly? It’s bittersweet. I mean I’m grateful for it but I’m also excited to be able to explore different characters and stories and such” he responds.

“That’s good. Do you have any projects coming up?”

“Yeah I just signed a contract with Apple to do this limited series adaption of a book called ‘Defending Jacob’ I get to play a father in it.” he responds excitedly.

“Chris no way! That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you!” you respond with just as much enthusiasm.

��Thank you. That’s sweet of you to say” he replies with a soft smile on his face. You’re about to respond but you get interrupted by a hand landing on your shoulder, causing you to turn around.

“There you are, I just got here and wanted to come say hi.” You see a wide grin on Mark Ruffalo’s face. He greets you and Chris, making small talk until he sees Hemsworth and takes his leave.

“Do you wanna go outside?” Chris asks with a raised eyebrow, obviously nervous but eager to be alone with you while you look the way you do.

“Yeah sure. It is a little loud in here” He leads you through the crowd by a strategically placed hand on your waist. Your heart hammers in your chest and you’re sure he can hear it even over the blasting music. You make it outside and there’s a couple small groups of people already on the balcony, but there’s enough space for you two to talk without any interruption.

“So are you going back with your dad to California?” Chris asks once you get situated on one of the couches, knees just touching his.

“I’m really not sure yet. It’s nice living rent free and hanging out with him, but I don’t know if I want to live in Cali, I really like the east coast” you respond.

“Oh like Massachusetts?” he asks in a cheeky voice.

“Well I was thinking more along the lines of New York.” You respond, not knowing that he held real hope in his heart that you wanted to move to Boston with him on a whim. He knew that wouldn’t happen though. There was no way someone your age would want to be with a man his age. He also knew your father would not approve.

“Ah right. That makes sense”

“I’ve always wanted to see Boston though. I’ve never been to Massachusetts” you say.

“Oh really? You know, I’m a pretty good tour guide if you’re ever interested”

“Well I’ll definitely consider that” You fall into a deep silence. The other groups of people had made their way back inside some time ago, leaving you two completely alone for the first time ever. You notice a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead and know that he’s obviously anxious about something. “Are you alright Chris? You seem spooked” You decide to ask, seeing if he wanted to confide in you.

“When you asked me earlier about how I felt not being Captain America anymore it made me realize the fact that I’m not gonna be working with any of those people inside. Not Scarlett, Mark, Chris, or your dad. It just kind of hit me”

“Oh Chris I’m sorry. But you’re still all friends, it’s not like you’ll never see each other again. That’s good. From what I’ve heard, castmates aren’t normally as lucky as you guys are when it comes to your bond” you respond, trying to comfort him.

“Yeah you’re right. I’ve met some of the most amazing people during this time of my life.” He says. “If it wasn’t for Captain America, I wouldn’t have met your dad, therefore I would have never met you. So I’m still grateful.” He looks you deep in your eyes as he says this. He takes you in fully, like he’s trying to memorize your face.

“I’m grateful too” You say. Looking at him just as deeply.

“Y/N, I need to get something off my chest. Because I may see Rob again after this, but I don’t know when I’ll see you again.”

“What is it Chris?” You ask with baited breath.

“These past few months that we’ve been spending time together, have been the best moments of my life. I’ve never felt more light and happy with someone. You’re beautiful, intelligent, caring, funny, and so open and in love with life. When I’m with you, I feel like a better person. I know you probably don’t feel the same way, and your dad wouldn’t approve. I just needed you to know” He says softly. He looks up from his lap to check your reaction. Where he’s expecting confusion and maybe even discomfort, he instead finds a warm smile and slightly glossy eyes.

“Chris, I feel the same way. I like you too.”

“So you aren’t uncomfortable with the age thing? What about your dad? Does he know you like me?” He asks in bewilderment at the fact that his feelings are actually reciprocated.

“It doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you. As for my dad, there might be a period of adjustment, but he’ll get over it. He probably suspects already.”

“Y/N. Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Yeah of course”

“Can I... kiss you?” He asks, slowly leaning forward until he’s just centimetres away from you. Without another word, you close the distance, letting your actions speak for you. The kiss is tender but full of longing and ambition. He tilts his head to the side and deepens the kiss, letting his tongue swipe past yours languidly. Feeling out of breath, you break the kiss, even though it nearly kills you to do so. “I needed that” He says sort of sheepishly.

“Me too” You look around quickly to check if there was any witnesses. But you were still alone. So you latch your mouth back onto Chris’ in a much hungrier and desperate kiss. He breaks away quickly though, not wanting anything to get too heated.

“We should talk to your dad before anything else... escalates” He says, it’s then that you notice his slacks clung a bit tighter to his legs.

“Or I can pretend to go to bed but actually go with you to your hotel” You suggest, trying to devise a way to avoid the conversation with your dad. “Then we can just tell him tomorrow”

“Lying is not the best way to do this” He says with a small giggle. “I want to, but I want to make sure Rob won’t put a hit on me if he finds out I helped his daughter lie to him in order to sleep with me” He argues slowly while he lazily tries to fight off your advances.

“Alright, that’s probably smart” You give in and stop trying to kiss him. “So how are we going to do this? Tell him tonight? Or maybe tomorrow at brunch?” You eagerly ask, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible so the two of you can enjoy each other in peace.

“I say we enjoy tonight, plan exactly what we want to say, and do it tomorrow. Then we can spend the next couple of days together in peace” He makes another good point.

“Ok. We should probably get back to the party then. We’ve been out here for a while. People will notice”

“Yeah we should” With that he looks over his shoulder and once he realizes the coast is clear he gives you one last deep kiss that literally takes your breath away. You both clear your throats and stand up. He walks with a more scandalously placed hand on your hip and shoots you a wink and that famous flirty smirk. You walk through the doors and back into the condo. For the rest of the night, even though you try to hide it, you’re both gleaming at each other and constantly sharing small touches. Robert, not being as oblivious as you both thought, tries to think of a nice brunch spot for the inevitable conversation tomorrow. Even though he could confront you both right now, he just stands by. Watching you enjoy your night next to the best man he could wish for for his daughter with a smile on his face as well.

The end

#Chris Evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans one shot #chris evans imagine #steve rogers x reader #Steve Rogers #steve rogers imagines

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undecidedpersonality · 5 years ago

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Writer’s Month 2020 Day Twenty-Eight: Fantasy

Title: “The Next Mother Nature”

By: Nalijah Daniels

Word Count: 1018

Genre: Fiction - Fantasy

“I’m the next what?” I asked.

The old man in the all-brown nursing scrubs was sitting across from me with a straight face. If it wasn’t for the elaborate story he had just told me––more entertaining than believable––I would’ve walked away from him. He told me I could when I was first brought into the room. “You can leave at any time,” he literally said, but how can you interrupt someone’s story that begins, “The most powerful woman in the world lived four hundred years ago.”

I love powerful women.

I listened to the whole tale believing it was a myth. An old and wise woman in Africa had meddled with the Earth for many years, one of many true Mother Natures, before revealing herself to the world in attempts to stop their unknown mockery of her. She told them that if they didn’t stop leaving trash on her grasses or making new machines that puffed black smoke into her air, she would end their world as they knew it and make a new one. They laughed in her face, refusing to believe that a normal woman was capable of such things. The main reason was because such powers didn’t exist except for in movies at that time. The second reason was because she was a woman. The men couldn’t believe that a woman could be that powerful. That was in the year 2020. The world was all kinds of messed up that year and got even worse when she came.

She began small. Little things behind their backs that she would hint to beforehand. “Oh, wasps just keep getting bigger and bigger don’t they?” Murder hornets show up in America for the first time but don’t kill anyone. Mere coincidence, her disbelievers claimed. Then she turned it up. “Well, we’ve never seen two hurricanes happen at once… yet.” Two months later, ‘unsurvivable’ hurricanes Laura and Marco sweep through the southern United States. That one got people a bit more worried. I should mention here that she controlled the entirety of the Earth planet but she hated The United States––like, a lot.

Mother Nature then rose all the stakes. The penguin bearing polar ice caps scientists worried about already melted in seconds as the climate rose at quadruple the rate already predicted. Tornadoes wrapped in thunderstorms with hail pelting the ground demolished anything in its path in southern California. Los Angeles hadn’t seen a tornado since 1983. Earthquakes shattered the ground of the upper Midwest leaving gaping holes that entire cities were sucked in to. That’s where the black hole everyone feared really started. Right in York, South Dakota. A small town no one had heard of until that day.

That’s what the man in brown told me, but that’s not exactly what we’ve learned about in History class. Sure, the course and dialogue is centered around Mother Nature and how she has made and controlled the worlds and all they are today. But the Old Planet failed because the people that lived there destroyed it. The oceans and rivers were polluted with plastic straws that choked the sea turtles that tried to eat it and dye from old clothes that got into the fish population’s system, killing them before they could adapt. The barren parts of the lands burned because the Pre-Humans flicked tobacco sticks out of their windows after being advised that they shouldn’t. After being advised that wildfires that would take anything into it’s sweltering embrace until it was a pile of black ash being blown around by the same wind carrying the flames from acre to acre of land. We do not like Pre-Humans.

To be told that all that I know is… partially wrong is a huge blow to the face. Mother Nature got pushed to the edge and so pissed off that she destroyed the world she made for the Pre-Humans? She destroyed her own creation that had life on it. Some lives that were trying to help. That weren’t adding to the problem at all. That means she could just as easily take our New World away from us. Why would she lie? Write textbooks for children to learn from filled with fibs. Why were there people who existed, like this old man, who knew the truth and did nothing about it? The simple thing to do was not believe him instead of holding all of these heartbreaking questions in my head and heart.

That became much easier to do at the end of his story when he said, “You are the next chosen descendant of Mother Nature.”

I laughed in his face. All of my fears about the past gone. “I’m the next what?”

“You are the next chosen descendant of Mother Nature.” He repeated, nothing in his expression changing. He sat the same way he had the entire story. Hands folded neatly in his lap, the right thumb over the left, head tilted slightly forwards towards me, ankles crossed underneath his chair. “Every 400 years, a new Mother Nature is chosen,” he continues, “You will shadow the current Mother for approximately 42 years before taking over her position and helping her out. You can maintain life as normal during reign but, of course, you have to be willing to give up your loved ones once their time has come. You can control your image, appearing to grow older until they are gone and after that you can roam as you want to. You have to be careful who you choose to relation with and act accordingly to their standards of how they view you. As far as your nature training and work goes… That’s a lot more complicated to explain right now.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No.”

My mouth dropped and my eyes widened. I searched around the bare room for… anything to prove that this wasn’t real. Or even a way to get out, but I knew that I was stuck but the finality in his tone. How could he be telling the truth? “When– When do I start? If this– position is even real.”

“Right now.”

#writersmonth2020 #writer #new writers on tumblr #writeblr #writeblogging #fantasy #prompt fill #writing prompt #prose #fiction #genre fiction #mother nature #the next mother nature

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the-light-followed · 5 years ago

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WYRD SISTERS (1988) [DISC. #6; WITCHES #2]

“‘No one would come up here this time of night.’ Magrat peered around timidly. Here and there on the moor were huge standing stones, their origins lost in time, which were said to lead mobile and private lives of their own. She shivered. ‘What’s to be afraid of?’ she managed. ‘Us,’ said Granny Weatherwax, smugly.”

Rating: 6/10

Standalone Okay: Yes

Read First: Yeah!

Discworld Books Masterpost: [x]

* * * * * * * * * *

I’m just going to jump right in with this one: the best part about the Witches sub-series of the Discworld is that they are all, in their own way, stories about stories. They’re stories that follow other stories, the tropes and archetypes and established narrative structure, but they’re also stories that subvert that structure at just the right moment to make something that feels much more truthful, and often, much more real.

Stories about stories.

This is sometimes very literal: Wyrd Sisters, for example, has very obvious Shakespearean roots, notably from Hamlet and Macbeth, and seems to gleefully delight in throwing around references—three witches meeting to cast spells, blood on the murderer’s hands that won’t wash away, the ghost of a murdered father begging his son to seek revenge, a theater called The Dysk that mimics Shakespeare’s Globe, etc., etc., etc.—that then get turned over on their heads. We’ll see it done again with the fairy tale elements of Witches Abroad, and the Phantom of the Opera parody that is Maskerade. These books are, in a very real sense, skipping the setup and instead using cultural touchstones as framework. The books starring the witches are literally new stories being told about stories we, the audience, already know and recognize.

But sometimes it isn’t literal at all: witches, after all, work magic most often through psychology and metaphor. “Headology,” as the witches call it, is the basis of witchcraft, and it’s all about the stories being told. It’s in the things the witches do for respect, like their hats and black outfits and their out-of-the-way cottages they pass down from one witch to the next, or the way they bow instead of curtsey. It’s in the things they call magic even when it isn’t, like using real herbs and medicines to cure illnesses, or waving their hands over a pot of tea and chanting nonsense before ‘reading the future’ in the leaves, all of it only for the look of the thing from the outside.

And it’s also in the things they tell themselves. For example, when Magrat’s broomstick stops working in Wyrd Sisters, she does what she calls a Change spell—which simply means that the rest of the world remains the same, but she changes the way she sees herself. Before, she was a young woman on a broom rapidly falling out of the sky, and now she’s a confident young witch who can deal with any disaster that comes her way, so she’s therefore a lot less worried about it.

And it works. That’s the thing: Magrat is just fine. Witches do magic in and on themselves, it’s all nothing more than a thought, and yet it works.

None of the Witches books are particularly subtle about the point they’re trying to make with the whole deal, either. In Wyrd Sisters, it seems like everyone is talking about the power of words and stories, the way that the things we tell ourselves and each other can shape the reality of the world we inhabit. There are some negatives you can pull out of that message—history is malleable and written by the victors, propaganda triumphs over the truth, etc., etc. But there are a lot of more interesting, thought-provoking ideas to consider, instead. For example: just because narrative structure has already delivered us the broad strokes of the plot (anyone who’s studied any Shakespeare, which can reasonably be assumed to be any native English speaker older than about sixteen, can probably guess the general course of Wyrd Sisters by about page twenty), it doesn’t mean there can’t be originality and meaning in the specifics.

And that originality and meaning is what makes all the Discworld books work so well. Pratchett is parodying, sure, but he’s also creating something very new and earnest and sincere, and that just doesn’t work if the story is an exact beat-for-beat retelling of an already-told tale.

Wyrd Sisters agrees with that idea. Destiny is all well and good—it’s nice to think that what’s to come is pre-planned, easy to predict, and impossible to subvert—but the world just doesn’t work like that. The story isn’t plotted out in advance.

As Pratchett says later in the book: “Destiny was funny stuff…You couldn’t trust it. Often you couldn’t even see it. Just when you knew you had it cornered, it turned out to be something else—coincidence, maybe, or providence. You barred the door against it, and it was standing behind you. Then just when you thought you had it nailed down it walked away with the hammer.”

The witches certainly don’t truck with destiny. Or, well, it may be a tool in their storytelling arsenal, but they don’t see it as a concrete thing. Destiny is what you make of it, and Granny and Nanny are movers and shakers. That makes it especially ironic that the book is called Wyrd Sisters—the word “wyrd” is an old Anglo-Saxon concept referring to fate or personal destiny, so the “wyrd sisters” themselves typically would be the three Fates, a la Greek mythology, rather than three women who tend to grab Fate and Destiny by the ears and twist until they decide to agree that the witches have the right of it.

Honestly, though, if Granny Weatherwax looked at me like that, I’d do whatever she wanted, too.

I just want to bring up something I really like about Pratchett’s writing style: despite the fantastical setting, despite how far from reality he can get, he’s not afraid to switch to Roundworld concepts or just flat-out break the fourth wall in exchange for better, more impactful descriptions. I like to call this cinematic writing, and sometimes that’s actually very literal. There are quite a few passages in various Discworld books where he starts to write in an almost movie-script style. After Moving Pictures, which is still a good four books away at this point, I think that becomes less notable. Here, and in the previous few Discworld books (Mort, Sourcery, Equal Rites), when Discworld does not have any parallel equivalent to Roundworld’s Hollywood, it’s pretty damn unusual for an author to just outright throw aside their own fantasy setting to make a description in real-world terms.

My favorite example of this from Wyrd Sisters:

“It is almost impossible to convey the sudden passage of fifteen years and two months in words. It’s a lot easier in pictures, when you just use a calendar with lots of pages blowing off, or a clock with hands moving faster and faster until they blur, or trees bursting into blossom and fruiting in a matter of seconds… Well, you know. Or the sun becomes a fiery streak across the sky, and days and nights flicker past jerkily like a bad zoetrope, and the fashions visible in the clothes shop across the road whip on and off faster than a lunchtime stripper with five pubs to do. There are any amount of ways, but they won’t be required because, in fact, none of this happened.”

You can practically imagine the way that scene would look in a blockbuster movie, and it’s wonderful that Pratchett describes it crystal clear just to let us know that it is not, in fact, how it looked at all.

There’s a lot more to like about Wyrd Sisters, too, for all that it isn’t one of my favorite Discworld books. It’s a far better introduction to the witches—specifically Granny Weatherwax—than Equal Rites is, even though Equal Rites is technically the first book in the Witches sub-series. It introduces some characters we’ll see a lot more of later, like King Verence and the greater Ogg family, but also characters that will go on to become staples of the Discworld, like Nanny Ogg and Magrat. We also have some lovely cameos from already established characters: notably Death and his interactions during the play at the castle, but there are some good Ankh-Morpork moments, like the Librarian’s appearance at a barfight.

And we get to see the good old Discworld humor really click—it’s all about that balance between absurdism and realism, or between established tropes and self-awareness. One of my favorite examples of this comes right at the beginning of the book:

“As the cauldron bubbled an eldritch voice shrieked: ‘When shall we three meet again?’ There was a pause. Finally another voice said, in far more ordinary tones: ‘Well, I can do next Tuesday.’”

Pratchett’s really got a sense for it by this point, and he can deliver zinger after unexpectedly delightful zinger. Discworld books are always beautifully funny, of course, even though after a while you really get a feel for when a good joke is coming. Some people might think that knowing the punchline is coming might make it less funny: it absolutely does not. All it does is make the unexpected, sneaky moments—when the humor Pratchett has been secretly setting up for ages finally creeps up to smack you in the face—hit harder. Maybe others disagree, but I can read Discworld novels again and again, and they always get me just as much as they did the first time through. In my opinion, that’s real comedic talent.

Up next in the series we have Pyramids, our first unconnected one-off story, which is wonderfully weird even for a Discworld book! Stay tuned!

* * * * * * * * * *

Side Notes:

Every time that oh-so popular Ankh-Morporkian dive bar, the Drum, pops up, it’s fun to note where it’s at these days: Mended Drum, Broken Drum, etc. In Wyrd Sisters, Tomjon and Hwel go drinking in the Mended Drum.

There are several adaptations of Wyrd Sisters, including a 4-part BBC radio show, an animated film, and a stageplay.

As I go over my highlighted quotes and annotations from each book, putting these posts together, I learn more and more about myself. What I like, what I find funny, what I care to notice. For example, Vetinari shows up exactly ONCE in this book, and just in a footnote, and yet I still highlighted it and wrote a note next to it that contained mostly exclamation points. There’s no real point to this; I just want everyone to know how much I love Vetinari.

Favorite Quotes:

“Witches are not by nature gregarious, at least with other witches, and they certainly don’t have leaders. Granny Weatherwax was the most highly-regarded of the leaders they didn’t have.”

“Now, just when a body would have been useful, it had let him down. Or out.”

“‘How many times have you thrown a magic ring into the deepest depths of the ocean and then, when you get home and have a nice bit of turbot for your tea, there it is?’ They considered this in silence. ‘Never,’ said Granny irritably. ‘And nor have you.’”

“His body was standing to attention. Despite all his efforts his stomach stood at ease.”

“Back down on the plains, when you kicked people they kicked back. Up here, when you kicked people they moved away and just waited patiently for your leg to fall off.”

“The Ogg grandchildren were encouraged to believe that monsters from the dawn of time dwelt in its depths, since Nanny believed that a bit of thrilling and pointless terror was an essential ingredient of the magic of childhood.”

“She gave the guards a nod as she went through. It didn’t occur to either of them to stop her because witches, like beekeepers and big gorillas, went where they liked. In any case, an elderly lady banging a bowl with a spoon was probably not the spearhead of an invasion force.”

“‘You’re wondering whether I really would cut your throat,’ panted Magrat. ‘I don’t know either. Think of the fun we could have together, finding out.’”

“Wizards assassinated each other in drafty corridors, witches just cut one another dead in the street. And they were all as self-centered as a spinning top. Even when they help other people, she thought, they’re secretly doing it for themselves. Honestly, they’re just like big children. Except for me, she thought smugly.”

“‘Man just went past with a cat on his head,’ one of them remarked, after a minute or two’s reflection. ‘See who it was?’ ‘The Fool, I think.’ There was a thoughtful pause. The second guard shifted his grip on his halberd. ‘It’s a rotten job,’ he said. ‘But I suppose someone’s got to do it.’”

“Granny’s implicit belief that everything should get out of her way extended to other witches, very tall trees and, on occasion, mountains.”

“Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.”

“Words were indeed insubstantial. They were as soft as water, but they were also as powerful as water and now they were rushing over the audience, eroding the levees of veracity, and carrying away the past.”

“‘Witches just aren’t like that,’ said Magrat. ‘We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead.’”

“‘I shall haunt their corridors,’ he said, ‘and whisper under the doors on still nights.’ His voice grew fainter, almost lost in the ceaseless roar of the river. ‘I shall make basket chairs creak most alarmingly, just you wait and see.’ Death grinned at him. NOW YOU’RE TALKING.”

#discworld #wyrd sisters

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tbzhours · 6 years ago

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begin again

haknyeon x you, college au, angst, fluff

[summary] maybe you couldn’t move on because you still love haknyeon [words] 3.4k [a/n] warning: mention of intoxication; i really enjoyed writing this omg please enjoy it as much as i did ♡

Today’s been going well, a little too well. You woke up without snoozing your alarm, you aced your physics test, and the line at your favorite coffee place wasn’t long. In fact, you didn’t even have to wait to order when you smiled at the barista at the counter. You hadn’t have a clue but you didn’t let those hinder the good feeling you were having.

As you walked to the side near the pick-up counter, you took out your phone for time to pass then you leaned onto the heightened wall behind the coffee makers.

You got a text from Sunwoo, one of your college friends from the same department, about your test. You even wondered why your professor would give an exam on the second week of the semester. Either way, he invited you over on the weekend to finally meet his new roommate. You guessed you were too busy, trying to adapt to the new dorm that you moved into to even meet him, or whoever that was.

You agreed to meet them soon before you burst a laugh at Sunwoo’s reply that your professor should be fired.

That was when Hankyeon looked up from the pick-up counter. You had kept a distance because you saw the feet of a stranger standing there already at the corner of your eyes.

Haknyeon knew he heard your familiar laugh as he turned his head at your direction. He didn’t seem to be fazed at the sight of you despite recognizing you so quickly. His lips curved slightly. You seemed were happier now, still since the last time he saw you, but thinking back to that scene, he probably didn’t deserve to see you again. Maybe it was a wrong timing. He sighed quietly before his eyes left you to the menu boards behind the counters.

You were still smiling when both of your orders were called one after another. Haknyeon tried to take his first so he could leave before you could see him but your hand reached for yours too. You had to look at the customer next to you, perhaps you sensed a small connection of why your drinks were fated to be made at the same time.

He barely smiled yet his face seemed familiar. You slightly squinted at him then your eyes widened. In a breathtaking second, your heart began to race as you never thought you would ever slip his name from your lips since the night you both left each other. “Haknyeon?”

Ju Haknyeon. He was your high school sweetheart where you both understood each other more than anyone else. Studying and eating together, sharing dreams of possibilities, late evening sneakouts to the movies, stargazing past midnight, and going to prom were all of the magical things you recalled doing with him. When senior year was coming to an end, you had a fear that your promises were going to be broken.

All of the stories you heard about breaking up before the college life, about how things like ongoing love never work once you enter college, you didn’t believe it would happen to you and him. But they were becoming true a week after graduation when Haknyeon didn’t show up to a date.

It had been past 11PM when he appeared at your door that night. There was silence after his awkward “hey”. He could tell by the way you stood with your hand holding onto the edge of the door that you weren’t impressed about anything he was doing.

He knew he had been wrong as his smile disappeared. His hands were sweaty and he didn’t know how to bring it up to you. You might had predicted it. He sighed, finally taking the courage to talk to do what he had to do.

“Sorry, I missed the date.” Wrong.

He saw you sigh, your eyes rolling away into the night sky behind him.

“You could have called me back or something. Makes me feel like you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

Your voice sounded rough, almost like you were angry and Haknyeon knew you really sensed that it was coming.

“You’re right.” Haknyeon’s eyes softened, looking down at your feet. His smile looked so eased that your eyes suddenly paid attention to his watery eyes. They weren’t tears because your eyes were too blurry all of a sudden to check. You didn’t like the way he said it because it was breaking your heart even more. He could tell because there was nothing else that he could do. He sighed again, his lips tightening to hold his cry. “I don’t think it’s going to work, long distance relationship.”

Honestly, you thought you both would make it work but he was too fast that you ended up hurting him with the words you had been holding in. “That’s fine. I knew it was coming when you didn’t show up. Because the truth is, I never loved you.”

Haknyeon could hear your cry in his mind as his chest began to rise, the bubble in his throat rolled at his neck before you continued, “Please get out.”

You closed the door and leaned onto it as your tears finally fell down your rosy cheeks. Haknyeon on the opposite side, shed a tear as he wiped it away. That was all he could do, glancing back at you when he walked away with his heavy heart.

Maybe that’s why you wanted to move out of your house so the memories would stop lingering around in that place. Actually, you wanted to forget all of the places you both had been to, even though your university was only 30 minutes away from home.

It felt funny when you thought you finally got the chance to forget him, seeing him appear right before your eyes. He was sitting in front of you as your hand rubbed against your coffee cup. He hadn’t touched his when he saw your eyes avoiding his.

“So.” Your fingers stopped as your ears shot up at the voice that you missed so dearly. He was smiling when he asked, “How have you been?”

It would be a lie if Haknyeon didn’t think of you from time to time. He had been waiting to see you since he came back to town a month ago. There wasn’t even a chance of bumping into you when every corner of town reminded him of you.

“I’ve been good.” You hated that kind of answer yet that was all you could say. You glanced at him and smiled a small one. “You?”

“I’ve been all over the place.” He replied, though he’d rather say you’ve been all over his mind. He hoped that he had crossed your mind too when you looked away out the window, holding your unwieldy tears beneath your eyes.

“Cool.” You looked back at him, nodding as you blinked so your eyes would dry up. “Why are you back in town?”

“I transferred to the university here. One of my professors recommended me to switch since they have a better dance program.” He smiled and sighed when he grabbed his cup to take a sip. “Plus, I miss being here.”

And I miss you too. He caught you staring, your lips curving as he could see your eyes sparkle. You wondered if he heard you.

You had always hated family gatherings.

One, you didn’t like how it took over your time to chill from all of your studies. Two, cleaning your house up always took too long. And three, your relatives would always ask about if you had a lover or not (and it gets to the point that they would want to hook you up with their friends’ children. That’s a big NO.).

It made you feel awkward because you never usually share that personal information when you barely see them. You had attempted to bring Eric and Sunwoo over but they didn’t like the idea of fake dating. So, you were on your own again this time with your aunt from another country visiting, you dealing with all of the questions about college life and dating.

Luckily, you convinced your parents that you had a test coming up so you had to go back to your place to study. Thank goodness.

You headed to Sunwoo and Eric’s shared place to meet their new roommate. Of course, Eric wouldn’t stop pestering you about the new wingman that you didn’t want to change out of your semi-fancy outfit yet so he could shut up about it. At least Sunwoo makes up the other part of Eric’s loudness. Just kidding, Sunwoo’s about the same.

Reaching Sunwoo and Eric’s shared place as your fixed your shirt, you knocked on the door. You could hear Eric announcing that you were here. You shook your head and when the door opened, Eric’s face beamed upon seeing your smirk and crossed arms.

“See I told you.” Eric turned back and gave the best annoying look at Sunwoo. Haknyeon was giggling next to him as he leaned onto the island dining counter.

“Didn’t I tell you to give them a spare key?” Sunwoo reminded Eric, knowing that their schedules didn’t match well to hangout other than Fridays and weekends.

“Well, it’s not like Eric lost it.” You eyed him as you took off your shoes before you walked toward the kitchen.

“I didn’t!” Eric shouted in shock, stomping behind you after he locked the door.

“Yeah, I’m sure you didn’t.” You looked at him with your sarcastic smile and nod. You and Sunwoo laughed together because Eric could never tell that you both were only joking with his mind.

You finally sat down beside Sunwoo, your eyes meeting the one you wished you’d never see again on campus when he had hope to. Your face changed quickly, seeming more relaxed yet your eyes looked surprised at the sight of him.

Eric sat beside Haknyeon, whispering about you probably that he giggled quietly.

“Hi, (y/n).” Haknyeon greeted you with an innocent grin.

“Your new roommate is Haknyeon?” You asked, your eyes rolling over the counter before you moved from Eric to Sunwoo then back at Haknyeon.

“What? You both met already?” Eric asked, his head hunching back to look at you both.

“A few days ago.” Haknyeon almost laughed, thinking back to that day. He was still surprised to meet you here especially through his roommates.

“In a cafe.” You added.

“This is crazy, wow.” Sunwoo laughed, his hand covering his eyes in a daze.

What were the odds? You smiled awkwardly and stood up from your chair, all eyes looking at you. “Okay, I met him. Can I go now?”

“Hold up, (y/n). Who said that was it?” The hand that was covering Sunwoo’s eyes held up at you to stop you.

“Yeah, we gotta know each other more now that we’re gonna spend a year together.” Eric suggested then he turned to Haknyeon. “Got some secrets to tell us?”

Haknyeon was grinning, wanting to know what you have been doing for the past three years since you last saw each other. That meant he was agreeing to Eric’s scheme.

You knew this was going to happen, your two best friends making you stay to tell everything about each other. It was almost like you exposing everyone, which you thought was unnecessary.

Well, that was until you learned that Haknyeon didn’t date anyone since he entered college. You didn’t believe it when you crossed your arms because you also didn’t. Eric was the one who spilled it before you could say anything.

Eric’s eyes suddenly beamed and he looked at Haknyeon. All of your eyes looked at Eric when you anticipated to his words, where you regretted not stopping him as he pointed at you. “(Y/n), oh my god. (Y/n), they have a bad drinking habit of spilling every emotion out.”

You tilted your head at him with your squinted eyes, knowing you don’t have such habit. You barely drink so you didn’t understand where Eric was going.

“One time, they cried over this one ex who they really loved but they lied that they didn’t. Tragic.” Eric continued, shaking his head at Haknyeon, who then turned to look at you to meet your eyes.

Haknyeon wasn’t thinking of him, right?

“I don’t remember the name, but it was horrible.” Sunwoo shook his head, his heart hurting at the thought of your drunk scene.

That was it. You had enough of this unnecessary mess your friends were exposing. You stood up, all eyes watching you make your way toward the door with your feet stomping away. You heard them calling for you but the door closed shut. As you ran through the hall, your eyes gushed out tears that were meaning to since the day you met him again.

You had always wondered why you couldn’t forget Haknyeon but remembering back to that incident, you finally understood.

Back at the shared place, Haknyeon had a worried look on his face where he was standing by the door. Sunwoo was running after you though he probably had already lost you. Eric was standing beside Haknyeon before he looked at him.

“You didn’t have to tell me all of that.” Haknyeon whispered.

Eric turned to see the sad look on his face when he replied, “Well, I thought we should if we’re gonna get closer…”

“That’s not really how we do it.” Haknyeon confessed, giving him a small smile before he walked inside the place. The only thought he had was you being safe.

You’ve been ignoring your two best friends for a week now. Heck, you wouldn’t even care if they show up at your dorm. It wasn’t like they deserved to be forgiven. Your heart was still raging as you walked into the library instead of going to their shared place.

As you were minding your own business, Haknyeon suddenly appeared, sitting in front of you. You took a few seconds of looking at him, seeing his awkward smile before you began putting your stuff away.

“(Y/n), Wait! This isn’t about Sunwoo or Eric!” He whispered to you, holding onto your wrist to stop you.

Electrifying, his touch. You stared at his hand before you looked at him. His smile eased you as you sat back down. He sighed then he helped organize your stuff back onto the table.

You tried to focus back on studying but somehow, his presence was distracting you. Maybe you felt bad that Hankyeon had to come so you could see your two annoying friends. He didn’t have to, you thought. Thinking back to the day you ran away, you set your pen down. You sighed and with all of your heart, you told him, “Sorry, I lied… back then. It was just so hard.”

Hankyeon’s eyes lit up at you, wondering what you meant but he understood it right away, seeing you sigh again. So you really did love him. He never doubt it, but it felt reassuring when he heard you. He smiled so softly, looking down at his opened textbook, trying to read all of the emotions you hid inside of you. “We both had it hard and you know, everything happens for a reason.”

“You’re right.” You smiled along with him, not remembering the last time you were being comforted. You were glad he understood you, that he had forgiven you without the need to say it. Perhaps, he forgave you too when his eyes met yours. “With you here and all of these memories coming back like fire, I just feel overwhelmed right now. ”

“That’s okay. We can take our time.” And you knew what that meant when you saw him still smiling so softly. You felt like you were in thin air, as if all of the times spent away from each other were being made again. “So, do you want some coffee?”

His sudden question made you giggle. You hadn’t felt this feeling in such a long time.

Haknyeon convinced you to make up with Eric and Sunwoo, who apologized so many times that they begged you to ask what you want for them to be forgiven. You accepted their apology after dragging them so long. Haknyeon could only laugh about it when you requested pizza every Friday night from them afterwards.

That first Friday came when you just got out of class. As you happily headed to the trio’s place, you got a text from Eric about him leaving his trumpet in one of his classes. You were asked to grab it because you were closest to that building from your class. You shook your head and went to find it before you head to their place.

When you got to their place, Haknyeon was the only one there, his eyes beaming in surprise when he opened the door.

You lifted the trumpet case up to his eye level and smirked. “Eric left his trumpet so I had to bring it over.”

“Oh.” Haknyeon laughed and moved to the side for you to come in.

You set the case by the counter in the kitchen before you walked into the living room where Haknyeon’s papers and opened books filled the table up. You turned to him, your hands in your pockets to see his awkward smile. “You were studying?”

“Yeah. Do you want to join me?” He offered, taking a few steps closer to you.

“Sure. I mean, yes. I need to get this paper done by next week.” You cried in a funny sound.

Haknyeon laughed at your amusing look before you sat on the floor across from where he would be sitting. He removed some of his stuff before you took your things out to study.

An hour went by as you wondered when Sunwoo and Eric will come back. You got up and headed into the kitchen to grab a drink. You came back with two cups of juice, handing one to Haknyeon, who was stretching his arms before you sat beside him. You took a sip of your cup before looking down at his school work, suddenly interested when he rested his head on his fist.

“What are you studying? Dance?”

Haknyeon was looking at you with such a soft look, wondering what made you so curious. He hadn’t had the chance to admire your face since you both met again and he thought this moment would be perfect.

When he didn’t answer, you turned to him, catching him staring at you. Your eyes slightly widened, meeting his eyes that were magically mesmerizing. It didn’t take long for him to lose himself into your eyes before his hands reached over to your face, pressing his fingers between your ears and his thumbs by the edge of your cheeks. He pulled you to him as he pushed himself to you, closing the spaces that were meant to be filled until your lips connected.

You were shocked at the touch as your eyes widened but when he began to roll his lips with yours, you couldn’t help to wave with his. You closed your eyes, setting your drink down before your hands reached for the back of his neck and his shoulder as you tried to fix yourself onto taking his kiss.

The taste of your juice filled his lips as he pushed you against the leg part of the couch where you both were leaning onto. It took one more deep kiss before he stopped, moving back slowly as he opened his eyes to look at you.

You could tell that he had resisted on doing that just by how forced that felt. You took a few breaths, meeting his eyes again. This time, they were sparkling like how the moon reflected against the ocean.

“Do you think we even allowed to be together again?” His breath kissed your lips, almost desperately.

“Who makes the law?” You asked, whispering back at him with a little smile.

Haknyeon managed to follow along at your wickedness. “No one. I just wonder what the others would think.”

“Why would their opinion matter? The only thing that allows us to be together is us.” Haknyeon lost his smile as he took your words in with such sincerity. Your words were true to him as he watched you smiled wider yet still as soft as the sound of your voice. “I want to make up the times we’ve left from each other.”

“And I want to love you even more.” Haknyeon’s smile came back as he kissed you again. You laughed at that random peck as you tried to move your head away from him. You hoped that you wouldn’t end up running through the room if he didn’t stop, which you didn’t mind one bit.

#the boyz #the boyz scenarios #the boyz imagines #the boyz reactions #haknyeon #ju haknyeon #tbz #tbz scenarios #tbz imagines #tbz reactions #fluff #angst #college au

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thewakingcloak · 6 years ago

Text

On Creative Burnout and How to Get Stuff Done Without It

Over the past week or two I’ve had a bunch of conversations with people who were burned out and having a hard time. And this is a bit lengthy, but it goes out to you guys.

I hit some pretty nasty burnout in early 2018. I couldn't create anything for months. Even just *thinking* about making something made me mentally cringe away. I'd not only used up all my fuel, but I was also up against some tough tasks that I didn't know how to tackle. AND I was stressed and frustrated because I didn't think anyone was noticing The Waking Cloak. I felt like I wouldn't be able to make it "good enough" even for what I wanted it to be. I felt guilty because I thought I was letting people down who were following along with the project... and I wasn't delivering.

Sound familiar? Let's talk.

I got past the burnout and am working in a much healthier way now, a year later. But this took a shift in how I thought about working on creative projects. I used to be constantly working on The Waking Cloak because I thought that’s what it was going to take to finish it. I couldn’t afford to stop, because what if I never picked it back up again? Now I see things differently.

Part of this came from the general internet, part of it came from years of experience writing and critiquing (and now, y’know, actually applying it to game development), and part of it came from learning project management at work.

0. Before we start...

You can do this.

You’re not alone.

If you’re burned out, it gets better.

I’m around to talk if you need it.

1. The Creative Cycle AKA PLEASE REST OR YOU'LL HAVE A BAD TIME

This is a principle I learned from @emcheeseman on Twitter with this diagram:

To quote her: “Creators feel pressure to spend every second creating, but CREATIVITY IS A CYCLE between active productivity and dormant recovery.”

So the two sides of creativity: Action and Recovery. Too much Action, you get burnout. Too much Recovery and... you’re not doing anything. These two absolutely have to be kept in balance. If you're burned out, you need to spend more time recovering. If you're procrastinating, you need to spend time building up the momentum and taking action.

(Note: it’s important also learn to recognize the difference between the two versions of procrastination: some can come from burnout, in which case you need to recover, not work more.)

This is a cycle that should take place every day. When you're in balance, you'll be working on something creatively every day, but you'll also be resting. If you neglect either, you'll be thrown off balance and have to take remedial action--especially in the case of burnout.

This is because the creative mind is like a muscle. Muscles gain strength essentially by being torn and reknit together stronger. If you continuously work out the same muscles without giving them a chance to knit back together, you won't get stronger. This is why strength workouts have alternating days between muscle groups.

You know all those articles and studies coming out about how crunch is bad? All those big name game studios that required crunch and burned out all their developers? Guess what, the same principle applies to your personal creative work too. Crunch is bad. Somewhat counter-intuitively, just doing "more work" will actually make you less productive, while taking time to recover every day makes you significantly more productive. So don’t make yourself crunch. Not even if you’re enjoying what you’re working on.

I'll talk about Action later, but how about Recovery? Well, congratulations, I have good news! Having fun is now part of your creative process. Do something passive you enjoy. Play video games. Read a book, watch a TV show or movie. Go outside for a walk. Take things in. Don't feel guilty: this is vital for your creativity. What if you always exhaled without inhaling? Would you feel guilty for breathing in oxygen?

If you are currently burned out, you need to spend a lot of extra time recovering. The more you’re burned out, the more time it’ll take. That’s the part that sucks, but trust me on this. It will get better. You'll be able to tell after time. This can be days or weeks or longer, but you need to take it until both of these conditions are satisfied:

You no longer feel yourself mentally cringing away from creating something.

The idea of not creating something is unbearable

2. Motivation: creating for yourself, not to satisfy others' expectations

It's super important to come at creative projects with the right motivation. Even if you have a pretty decent Action/Recovery balance, if you're trying to please others, if you're often jealous of others, if you're comparing your work often, you will still get burned out. Creating with these as your motivation is a bit like trying to drive on fumes. It’s not sustainable, and you will run out of gas.

This is incredibly important but difficult to put into practice. How do you shift your motivations?

Some principles:

Creating for its own sake is valuable.

Other people are not competition. They are friends.

Other creative projects are not competition either--similar projects can, and should, and do exist in harmony. You can learn from one another.

If you work primarily from a standpoint of pleasing others, you are going to be very easy to disappoint.

Make what you want to make, for yourself, for your tastes particularly if this is your hobby.

The “validation machine” is tricky. At first, you’d be over the moon to have a hundred followers and maybe ten likes. Then a thousand followers and fifty likes. And on and on, all the way up--your expectations of validation will scale up. Don’t expect to keep getting high off those likes and retweets/reblogs. Make an effort to value every one of the people who follows you, even if it’s only five people.

All games are held together by duct tape and prayers. You're not alone!

Some of these are easier said than done. Just keep an eye out for these thoughts/emotions in yourself. If you notice them, take a moment, take a few deep breaths, and remind yourself what it's all about. Do you feel yourself getting jealous? Don't take it out on yourself (or anyone else). Try encouraging that person you're jealous of instead. Tell them what they're doing well, and not in the mopey "I wish I could do this as well as you" way. Instead, the "This [specific thing] is so good! Keep it up!" way. It's hard for jealousy to exist in the same place as encouragement, even if it takes a little bit to ebb.

Another suggestion is to write down the things that excite you about creating, about the specific project you’re working on, etc. This can be broad (“I like bringing my ideas to life”) or specific (“I always love exploring caves in video games and seeing what secrets they hold”). Keep this around and remind yourself of it. For The Waking Cloak, I love working on exploration, lore, and maps!

3. How to actually work and get stuff done

This is going to be the biggest point, but it revolves around a few foundational principles:

Work INCLUDES rest. It's part of the deal. You're not allowed to skip it. (see #1)

Short term goals are more important than long term deadlines (aka Agile "sprints")

Task-tracking and manageable, bite-sized chunks

One Thing a Day/Momentum

Do it fast, THEN do it right

Most of this is stuff I learned from my day job when we got our new head-of-department and jumping onto what's broadly known as DevOps principles. DevOps involves a lot more than I'm going to talk about here, but I bring it up because these aren't things I'm just making up because they sound nice. They're tried and tested, and they work.

So first, let's talk about short term goals.

Years ago (and sadly still too often today), common practice in software development was to plan big projects spanning months at a time, build the entire thing, and then deliver it. Major problems occur with this: requirements change, the world changes, technology changes, the users wanted/needed something different and you didn't know until they got it in their hands, etc.

The core problem is that nobody knows what's going to happen in the future, not with absolute certainty. I'm not joking when I say this: it's best to focus on short term goals and skip out on long term deadlines altogether. This is commonly in the form of two-week "sprints" which are geared towards delivering some complete functionality, not the entire project/software/game/etc. Here's why these work:

You have something achievable now. Two weeks of work is so much nicer than... months? years?

You get quicker feedback and can quickly adapt to these in the next sprint

Sometimes project/features of higher priority get discovered that you couldn’t have planned for

You're consistently finishing some chunk of functionality every two week sprint or every milestone. Progress feels nice!

Two week sprints don't necessarily work for all game projects, but the principle is the same: plan short-term, time-based goals, NOT functionality-based goals. If you're getting close to the deadline, move that functionality to the next "sprint", don't crunch any more than a day.

If you don't have a long-term deadline for your game set by external factors (publisher, need food to eat, etc.), and especially if you're doing this as a hobby, my advice is to not set a final deadline until you're more or less done with the game. Know what your major functionality is and a general order that you’ll work on this functionality in, but long-term deadlines are almost always unsustainable. You don't know what's going to pop up, you don't know how long certain features will take, etc. You can't predict the future. But you can create milestones.

In normal game development, this generally includes pre-alpha, alpha, beta, and so on. But for our purposes, we’ll want to redefine this and break it down even further. An alpha could take many months. I’m more interested in defining sets of features that can conceivably take a few weeks to two months, closer to a sprint.

In The Waking Cloak, these milestones are the ProtoDungeons. Each has a set of functionality (I only know the broad strokes, not the specific functionality each will contain--that only gets planned at the beginning of the specific ProtoDungeon). There will be eight of these, one for each of the player’s items, and they will be a self-contained dungeon. This is to:

Get quick feedback on how the items feel

Get practice building dungeon maps

Build a lot of the “unknown pieces” that you don’t generally think about--doors, triggers, camera transitions, pits, z-coordinate levels, and so forth.

I’ve only completely planned out one ProtoDungeon. It included the item mechanic and all the functionality mentioned in the last bullet point, but it also included more, like enemies and a boss. But then I cut everything that's unnecessary for getting these into the hands of some testers--so that meant a lot of this extraneous stuff got bumped to ProtoDungeon 2. That way, the quicker I get this demo out, the quicker I can improve for the next ProtoDungeon. The result is that working on the game feels very light and extremely productive.

Now that we have milestones and short-term goals, that brings us to tracking tasks.

I don't really care how you do this so much as I care that you do it in the first place! Tracking tasks is extremely important. Without, it can be easy to get lost in where you’re at in development. You have to hold everything in your brain, which is extra wear and tear.

I use Trello, which is free! At work we use Microsoft's Azure DevOps/VSTS and Kanban boards. You can even just use a notepad if that's what you like (though I suggest something where it’s easier to move stuff around, even if that’s Notepad on your computer). Once you have a place to keep track of stuff, I recommend creating some sections (I use Trello columns):

Backlog - tasks you're doing this milestone

Bugs/issues - you'll find these all the time :)

Doing - this is the bug or task you're working on. Only work on 1-2 things at a time. If you're not working on it, it goes back in the backlog

Complete - just a pile of your accomplishments! :D

And then here’s how you create your tasks for your “milestone”:

List out your major functionality

Break those functionalities into chunks

Break them into smaller chunks

Smaller

Still smaller

Are they now tiny? Can you do these tasks in a day or two maximum? No? Still smaller!

Stop when you're basically at the "atomic level" of tasks. They need to be bite-sized (if they’re ridiculously small, you can include them as part of a checklist on a single task)

Take all these tasks and dump them into your backlog!

As I mentioned, plan for the current milestone only. You can have a bucket of general tasks for future milestones and even a general idea of the order you want to accomplish these tasks in, but you're only planning for the current milestone and a bit into the next one.

Prioritize your tasks. You can put a number next to each task (1 being highest, 4 being lowest is what we do at work). Or if you're using Trello like me, you can drag the highest priority tasks up to the tops of the columns to work on next. I occasionally switch these around depending on what I feel like working on next, so don't feel like you have to strictly adhere to a specific set of priorities.

If you're feeling really snazzy, "weigh" your tasks. How long is this going to take? You can do this by hours, days, a generic numbering system, etc. Enough to let you know what's going to fit into a milestone and what needs to be moved to the next one. I don't think this is strictly necessary for a hobbyist project, but it's pretty vital for our day-to-day at work.

Also, you will discover more tasks as you work. "Oops, to do this, I need to add that." That's fine. Add it as a task, prioritize/organize it, and keep going.

Like rest, planning all this stuff out is hugely important but often missed because it doesn't feel like you're getting stuff done. It's deceptive. Taking time to plan and maintain your tasks will actually make you more focused and productive.

If something isn’t necessary for the deliverable, move it to the next milestone and forget about it for now. This doesn’t mean you’re procrastinating or that you’ll never get to it. Your job is to keep things light and manageable for now.

Okay, so now you have a list of tiny, bite-sized tasks, and they're all organized. Time for the next principle: “One Thing a Day.”

I mean, with everything we’ve discussed, this is pretty easy now, right? You have a bunch of bite-sized tasks. Work on at least one thing a day! You don’t have to finish it, though the fact that you’ve got these small tasks means you’re more likely to get tasks done quickly.

Let's say you're me and you have a lunch break. Well, now I can try a task or two, or check off a few of my checkboxes on one of my tasks, or at the very least get started on something I know I can finish in a few days. Or we just got the baby down to nap and she'll be asleep for an hour and a half (probably)--I can pick up another task and work on it there.

By having small tasks, you have a constant sense of progression, which is important for your morale. And by doing at least one thing a day, you develop momentum, which is extremely pivotal in countering procrastination.

For a while I logged these on the devblog, largely for accountability, but over time I haven’t needed to do that as much.

Also, keeping the creative cycle in balance is still important. Some days I absolutely did not have time, or just felt like it would be “too much.” So I didn’t do one thing that day. Instead I’d take that time to recover.

Finally, the principle of "Do it, THEN do it right."

This has helped me on so many occasions. My procrastination often stems from a feeling of being overwhelmed. I sit there thinking about a task and how long it's going to take, and all the different things I have to make in order for it to work well.

Beat the system. Hack that sucker in there in the cheapest way you can. Hardcode values. Tack code on to an existing object instead of creating a new one. All you have to do is add notes. //TODO is helpful--it doesn’t do anything automatic in GameMaker, but you can still do a project search for it to come back to it later. Then see if it works. See how it feels to play. Only after you've got it working and feeling nice, come back and polish it up a bit. Make it less hard-coded. Put it in a script so it's easier to call from multiple places. Create those objects.

For example, I just added some "Game Over" functionality. First I just whipped up the screen (draw black rectangle, draw text) and then made it show up at the press of a button. Looking good? Nope, the text is off. Let's fix that. Okay, now let's take it off this key binding and add it to the transition manager to trigger when the player dies. Shortcut: add a key that kills the player. Still triggers? Good? Okay, now make it reset the game (well, in my case, reset the room), and test with that kill key. Does that work? Remove the kill key (that would be a nasty surprise for a player if they hit the wrong key), polish (I’m summarizing, there was a lot more of this), and voilà! The important part was taking those shortcuts to blaze the trail before I paved it over (I know that makes no sense, just go with it).

This is the same idea as the rough draft of a story. No (good) book was written the way you pull it off the shelf at your bookstore. It was much rougher when it started and only got good by drafting over and over again. The point is to get your raw materials out there, like a big ol' block of stone if you were building a statue, create the vague shape (chisel off big chunks), then work on finer and finer details.

You cannot judge your work by its first draft. You'll absolutely be disappointed. Instead, come into it with the INTENTION of doing it fast and sloppy so that you have those raw materials to work with as quickly as possible.

4. In summary

It’s going to be okay.

Burnout can be avoided by taking time to rest.

If you’re burned out, it gets better by taking time to rest.

Good motivation helps avoid burnout and procrastination.

Plan generic long-term, specific in short term chunks, and work in bite-sized tasks.

Working in bite-sized tasks helps keep up momentum and morale.

Keep action and recovery balanced every day.

It’s going to be okay. :)

#devlog #devblog #burnout #game development #planning #project management #i hope this helps

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izzy-b-hands · 5 years ago

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After the Afterlife Chapter 2

Fun fact: I have managed to scare myself at least three times while writing this, specifically because I chose the few things out of actual horror movies/stories that scare me thinking that would be the best option somehow, and despite it disrupting my sleep, I do not plan to stop doing that!

After all, if I can scare myself, I can scare others, right?

Eggsy is scared, that much I know for sure. Poor thing can’t catch a break, and it isn’t over yet either.

But he’s got this.

Probably.

We’ll find out.

Anyway! This is a shorter chapter, so he’ll be fine probably. Nothing too bad can happen in a short chapter, I always say.

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

He woke to an empty bedroom. Light shone in through the bedroom window, and he stumbled out to the hall, phone in his hand, to look for Roxy.

“Breakfast?” he called, anticipating something of a response about whatever she’d chosen from the frankly too vast amount of food in the fridge. They had prepared as though they’d be there for three months, not a week.

Nothing.

He checked the nearest bathroom, but it was empty, as were the others on that wing.

“Roxy?” he called out into the kitchen, but was met with nothing.

He made his own morning routine quick, showering and cleaning up and dressing as fast as he could so he could check for her outside.

But the doors wouldn’t open. Not the front doors, or any of the others to the outside.

“Okay,” he called out to the apparently empty halls. “Dad? What’s this about? Why can’t I find Roxy, or go outside? If this is your doing-”

The sudden darkening of the hall interrupted him, leaving him in the dark without anything to try and cut through it aside from his phone flashlight.

As predicted, like the night before, it did nothing to the shadows around him, as if they were made of something thicker than regular darkness.

“Please stop,” he tried, hating how desperate and scared he sounded. “Why can’t you just tell me what you need? Is it the pendant, is that it?”

A crash, down the hall, towards the room he’d remembered last using with Tilde.

“Ains and Roxy are never going to let me forget they were right about this,” he muttered, half to his father and half to himself. “Can you at least let me see a little, so I can get there?”

A small beam of light appeared in front of him, and led him slowly down the hall to the room.

He combed the room as if he was searching for something life-saving, scrabbling underneath each piece of furniture, until-

“Ha!”

The pendant was a bit dusty, but otherwise no worse for the wear, still on its chain.

“I found it!” Eggsy held it up to the shadows. “So this is over now, yes?”

You still don’t get it.

His father’s voice, angry.

“What don’t I get? Talk to me!” Eggsy shouted as he put on the pendant. “You can’t just expect me to read your mind!”

I didn’t raise you this way.

“You weren’t there!” Eggsy rebutted. “You were dead, and it was just me and Mum! And she-”

You could have stopped her.

“From what? Remarrying? Having Daisy?” Eggsy spat. “Look, I-Dean is horrible. But what was I supposed to do? I was a kid. And Daisy...she’s the good that came from all that. I wouldn’t give her back for anything; I’m lucky to have her as a sister. You would have me erase someone as good and sweet as her just to get rid of the bad that happened to be a part of it all? As if I even could.”

Dying wasn’t my fault.

“I fucking know that!” Eggsy shouted, loud enough he figured Roxy had to somehow hear him, despite the shadows clouding him, so heavy that he couldn’t make out the room around him. “But you can’t put it back on me, that I was supposed to somehow stop Mum from making her own choices in relationships and men? Do you know how mad that sounds?”

The shadows slammed him against the wall, or where he figured the wall must be, and he winced.

“Why are you doing this? Are you that angry over it all? She isn’t even with him anymore, it’s just her and Daisy now, on their own.”

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!

The tears were flowing again, and he didn’t even try to stop them. Perhaps his father hadn’t seen the ones he’d shed as a child, missing him as desperately as he had. As he did.”No, I don’t! Because you won’t look beyond yourself in this. Did you expect her to never change, to not try and adapt to losing you? I’m not saying Dean was a good choice, I’d never say that, but you’ve got to give her a break.”

Harry told you to take care of her!

“I was a child!” Eggsy tried to wipe some of the tears away, as they obscured his vision even more than the shadows. “I was scared, and lonely, and missed you, and hated how sad Mum was, and hated how I couldn’t do anything to make it better. I tried to do something that would make you proud, I was going to join the Royal Marines. And maybe I didn’t stick with that, but that was for Mum’s sake, and now I’m here! I’m in Kingsman, doesn’t that mean anything?”

His father’s face was in his, but it was disturbing to see. As if he was looking into the grave, seeing the missing flesh, the rot. It was his father, but not the same kind face that had been there for him when he was young.

You need to know what it was like. To sit and watch it happen, and not be able to do a damn thing. You’ll know now.

“The hell do you mean by that?” Eggsy asked, slumping to the floor as his father backed away from him. “Oi, what the fuck does that mean?!”

His father only shook his head, and continued to walk away from him, until he disappeared.

He stood, and wiped away more tears as he tried to walk forward.

Glass.

“No, no, no, not this again,” he moaned. “I can’t, I can’t handle this, let me out.”

He tried every possible direction he could move in, but he could only take a step or two forward before hitting what felt like glass.

“Roxy!” he screamed so hard it hurt. “Come help me! I don’t...I don’t know how, just figure something out please!”

He could hear the irritating whine and crackle of the spirit box then, and he would have leapt for joy if there’d been room.

“Roxy! Can you hear me through that?”

“Eggsy?”

Her voice was like sunshine, bright even though it sounded so horribly far away.

“Yes! Roxy, he’s got me trapped somewhere, somehow. I don’t know in what, or where-”

“This is a mirror,” Roxy’s voice came again, slightly fainter this time. “How are you in a mirror?”

“If I knew that, don’t you think I’d be out by now?” he yelled, then winced. “Sorry, I”m sorry. That isn’t fair, I’m just-I’m scared, Roxy. Please, get me out.”

“I-I know mirrors can capture spirits after death,” Roxy said. “But you aren’t-”

The sound of her footsteps, going away, and he couldn’t stop himself from screaming again.

“Roxy! No, where are you going?! Come back!”

You’ll get it back when you’re ready for it.

“Fuck you,” he spat, and didn’t regret it like he wanted to, like he felt he should in speaking to his father. “You’ve got my body sitting somewhere, haven’t you?”

It’s safe. Like I said, once you understand, and have spent your time here...then you’ll get to go back. Once I’ve taught you better, how Harry and your mother should have taught you.

“I want to go back now!” Eggsy shouted. “I have a mission to complete, so I can let Tilde know never to come here again, and warn her family the damn palace needs an exorcism! I have Ainsley-”

Who?

“My boyfriend,” Eggsy continued, frowning at the interruption. “You’ve been around to see me, but you just stopped checking after I moved, all because the damn pendant was here and not with me?”

I will find him.

“No you fucking will not!” Eggsy spat. His eyes and sinuses ached from the crying, but he couldn’t seem to stop. “Leave him alone, you hear me? You shouldn’t be able to go to him anyway, I have the pendant on! Ah, you didn’t think of that, did you?”

I have ways.

“Shut the fuck up,” Eggsy muttered, and sat on what felt like the floor. “Don’t you love me, anymore? The dad I knew would never do anything like this to me, or to anyone.”

Death can change a person. You’ll see.

Then silence.

#text post #LeeH writes #Kingsman fic

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metalandmagi · 6 years ago

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April Media Madness!

Hello, and welcome to what is most likely the last list of all the media I consumed this month! Because it’s been a whole year since I started doing this, and I’m starting to repeat myself a lot. But it’s been interesting, and I hope maybe someone found something to watch or read or whatever along the way.

And this doesn’t include all the new seasonal anime I started watching...because otherwise this would be 10 pages long.

March Media

Movies!

Avengers Endgame: *No Spoilers* The final act in this stage of the Avengers as we know it is finally here. And man they stuck the landing. I have so many emotions. Of course there are things I have issues with, but I really don’t care that much. I’m just trying not to cry like a baby just thinking about it. 100000/10

Aquaman: It’s Aquaman guys. It’s a bunch of fish, people, and fish people going to war in a brightly colored mess of explosions and underwater politics. This movie is ridiculous, but I like it a lot. Sometimes you just need a movie where people ride giant seahorses and an octopus plays the drums. Who cares about plot holes? Jason Mamoa just lifted up a submarine! 8/10

The Princess Bride: You all know The Princess Bride. I just couldn’t stop thinking about it after season 2 of The Tick so...8/10

Loving Vincent: An animated feature telling the story of a man trying to deliver a letter written by Vincent Van Gogh right before his death. Oh yeah, and every frame is hand painted! It has the basic feel of an old timey detective story because the plot is literally a guy going around talking to people who knew Vincent who all have different accounts of his personality and the events leading up to his suicide. It starts out a little slow, but I ended up getting into it. The overall moral is that you never really know anyone; we are survived by what others think about us. Even if you have no interest in the story, if you love animation or any visually creative movies, this is a must watch. Every frame of this movie is a literal work of art, and it doesn’t get nearly the recognition it deserves. 8/10

Books!

Reign the Earth by A.C. Gaughen: The teenage daughter of a desert clan becomes a queen when she is forced to marry the king of a rival country to bring peace to the land. News flash, the king is an asshole, and no one brings peace to the land. Also there are elemental powers like in Avatar the Last Airbender. This is a good book, with a solid main character, strong world building, and an intriguing plot. It can be heavy handed in its messages, but they’re messages that need to exist. I’d also give it some major trigger warnings for abuse, torture, and gas-lighting. Our main villain is a very well written abuser because his actions are so accurate to real life, but the last one hundred pages were pretty much just suffer porn. Also the most interesting character in this book gets majorly sidelined, and I need her to have her own book. But if you like culture rich world building, interesting characters, Avatar-like bending powers, and a plot with lots of twists and turns, this is the book for you. 8/10

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat: Prince Damen, local disaster bisexual and the rightful heir to the throne of his country, is captured in a coup by his brother and is sent to live as a slave to the prince of an enemy country...whose brother Damen just happens to have murdered. It’s basically a 250 page discount version of Game of Thrones where a precious cinnamon roll must navigate a dangerous political landscape without anyone finding out his real identity. This an amazing series, but the first book is so intentionally horrifying that it scares some people off. It is meant to make the reader as uncomfortable as possible in the beginning so we can spend the other two books trying to fix the problems in both countries and watching the main characters have adventures and fall in love. The writing is fine but not quite up to par with the other two books. But hey, it’s a hard R, high stakes political drama with one of the best couples I’ve ever seen, and my number one most hated villain of all time. If you’re into Game of Thrones, you’ll probably love this series too...even if there are no dragons. 9/10

Prince’s Gambit by C.S. Pacat: The second book in the Captive Prince trilogy in which our princes basically perform Mulan’s I’ll Man Out of You while training a bunch of terrible soldiers and riding across the country in the slowest slow burn romance to ever burn slowly. The whole book is our main characters trying to figure out what they are to each other, going on adventures, and playing mind games with their enemies. Personally, I think it has the best plot, the best side adventures, the most tension, and the best representation of going from enemies to reluctant allies to confused friends to lovers ever. This is the book where people who weren’t into the first one go “oh I get the hype” because we’re finally out of the castle and don’t have to be creeped out every five minutes. 10/10

King’s Rising by C.S. Pacat: The final book in the Captive Prince trilogy, where Damen and Laurent must sneak across enemy territory make their final stand and gain back both of their kingdoms. There are a lot of great things about this finale, but pretty much everyone agrees that the big climactic take down moment of the entire series is based around some extremely convenient coincidences and should have had more...build up. Oh well, it gives us a happy ending one way or another so I can’t be too mad. 9/10

The Promised Neverland: Another manga, and technically I didn’t start from the beginning, but I’m counting it anyway. A horror/thriller story focusing on the children of Grace Field House, an orphanage where everyone is a happy family and there are definitely no deep dark secrets about what happens to the children who leave the house...right? It was made into an anime that premiered in January, and it was so good that I picked up the manga where the anime finished because I just couldn’t wait for the next season. And yes, the manga is also awesome. Please read it, or watch the anime. It is my contender for anime of the year, and it’s the most consistently well written mysterious manga I have read in a long time. 10000/10

TV Shows!

The Tick (2016 season 2): The Amazon Prime original series based on the comic wherein an awkward accountant becomes a superhero with the help of a big blue suited man going only by the name “The Tick.” AND I’M SO HAPPY THIS GOT A SECOND SEASON! This season is a lot more about The Tick and Arthur being recognized as actual superheroes and goes through a very...One Punch Man style plot of hero bureaucracy. This is a prime example of how a superhero comic adaption should feel. It takes itself just seriously enough to get by, but it laughs at itself a lot too. I’ve seen the 2001 live action series and a few episodes of the cartoon, but every adaptation is special in its own way, with different side characters and overarching plots. If nothing else, watch it for Dangerboat, the sentient gay AI played by Alan Tudyk who is in love with the main character. It has all the background absurdity of Umbrella Academy with its own quiet commentary on mental illness and government corruption…There is so much material to work with and no one else knows about this show! Now, if only we’d get a live action version of Chairface... 10/10

Kim’s Convenience (season 3): I talked about this show in my November media. It’s the sitcom about a Korean-Canadian family who runs a convenience store, and I love it so much. It’s a bit predictable in its plots, but it has fun, diverse characters, accurate family dynamics, and my favorite thing about it is the fact that it promotes strong male-female friendships with no romantic intentions at all. If you want something light and fluffy, please give it a chance! 9/10

Honorable Mentions

I finally started reading Always and Forever, Lara Jean, the final book in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before trilogy, and it’s adorable.

Crazy Ex Girlfriend has ended with a perfect finale, and I’m sad. This was hands down the best show on the CW, and it doesn’t get nearly the love it deserves.

Shadowhunters only has one episode left, and now I’m VERY SAD. This show was a mess, but it was our mess. It may be far from perfect, but it included so many important topics that deserve a spot on television. It has evolved so much from season one into the point where each episode is actually emotionally impactful, and I’m going to miss it so much.

#long post #media madness #avengers endgame #aquaman #the princess bride #loving vincent #reign the earth #captive prince #the promised neverland #the tick #kims convenience #crazy ex girlfriend #tales from shadowhunter academy #to all the boys i've loved before #always and forever lara jean

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journeysintowebcomics · 6 years ago

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Worm Liveblog #97

UPDATE 97: Conspiracy

Last time Skitter seems to have managed to convince Parian to give her a chance. Does Flechette know? I’m not sure. She’ll find out sooner or later, anyway. So, what will happen now that Parian may actually lend the Undersiders a hand? You won’t find out today! Today it will be an interlude. Let’s get started!

It’s August of 1986, a couple decades before present day. What character may be this one, I wonder? It’s a female character, seems to be quite young at this point so they must be an adult right now. Let’s see...looks like she’s under some sort of treatment.

Somewhere along the line, they had stopped telling her that the chemotherapy would make her better. The smiles had become even more strained. There was more emphasis on making her comfortable. Less explanation of what was going on.

Oooooh that sounds rather...terminal. Death may be coming someday. There aren’t that many diseases that need chemotherapy as a treatment, so chances are it’s cancer. Golly, the interlude just started and it’s already throwing some heavy stuff at me!

This sick girl pretends to be asleep when her mother comes, and although she hates doing that, it’s better than pretending she’s okay enough to endure conversations. The silence gives her mother carta blanche to start talking, though. That can’t be much better than what this girl hoped.

“Becca,” her mother murmured from behind her. “You awake?”

Becca? Hmmmm...doesn’t sound familiar. I can’t remember a character that’s named Becca or Rebecca. If there’s one, I may have forgotten.

“You’ve been so brave,” her mom whispered, so quiet she was barely audible.

I’m not brave. Not at all. I’m terrified. I’m so frustrated I could scream. But she couldn’t. Everyone had painted her as being so courageous, so noble and peaceful in the face of the months of treatment. But it was a facade, and she’d passed the point of no return. It was too late to break composure, too late to stop making bad jokes, faking smiles of her own. She couldn’t complain or use her mother’s shoulder to cry on because everyone would fall apart if she did.

She was their support.

That’s quite the heavy load on a deathly sick child. I can’t imagine what that’s like, having to swallow all your frustration and then realizing you can’t let it show because everyone thinks you’re taking it much better than you actually are. It’s even more harrowing when you’re a child, I guess. You know what? This is a rather fitting situation for a trigger event. The thought of death looming above you, all that pent-up frustration, the physical and mental suffering...there’s plenty of stimuli here. Since this person must have survived until the present day – I guess – then she must have survived this sickness.

“My little superhero,” her mother said.

That’s quite the thing to say in this story.

The mom’s choice of words makes Rebecca realize she’s dying. It brings the expected mix of emotions: anger, relief...especially anger at the situation and at others, for not telling her sooner she’s dying. It affects Rebecca enough for her to cry once her mother leaves. It’s dark, she’s seeing the cityscape from her window, and there’s so much she hasn’t done at her age, and so much she’d like to do again.

It struck her that she would probably never get to eat there again, never get a special kids meal with the dinky plastic toy that was meant for kids ten years younger than her.

Oh. She’s older than I thought she was. From the way she was being treated, I thought she’d be like...eight. From this it sounds like she’s like thirteen or fourteen. Still rather young, but she’s not so young people would think they can hide the truth of her situation from her. No wonder she’s frustrated!

There’s a series of things she wished she could have done. Get fast food, read a book in a series, see a movie adaptation, have a real boyfriend...it’s the tragedy of dying, you always wish you had done more than you did.

While Rebecca is letting her pain and sadness show in a manner I’m sure nobody else has, she hears a voice nearby, offering her morphine. It’s a voice she doesn’t know, and turning around confirms it’s a stranger. Hmmm...

“I’m going to increase the drip just a little, Rebecca Costa-Brown.”

Rebecca Costa-Brown? I’m pretty sure if I had seen that full name somewhere before I’d remember. Costa-Brown is quite a memorable name. So, there are two possibilities: either Rebecca Costa-Brown is a character that’s been around before but whose name hasn’t appeared yet, or she’s a character hasn’t made her first appearance yet.

The description of the person who is currently messing with the IV bag is familiar. I’m like 50% sure this was how the Doctor from Cauldrom was described. If so, then that’d mean Rebecca is involved with Cauldron, possibly as an employee. Or maybe, if this is the Doctor, she’s putting some power serum into the IV bag, meaning Rebecca would be a superhero under Cauldron’s thumb.

Rebecca confirms this person in her room isn’t one of her doctors and barely has much time for more before she feels the effect of the morphine. Guess it really was morphine and not soup of superpower. If I’m taking correctly the way this woman said ‘Not yet’ to when Rebecca said she wasn’t one of her doctors then...yeah, I’m growing increasingly more certain this is the Doctor from Cauldron.

Yup, she is. She’s here to make a deal with Rebecca, and she says she can make superheroes. This interlude is happening during the time superheroes were a rarity – in a relative term –and it was predicted in a couple decades there’d be thousands. Well, she’s not wrong, by now all over the world there must be thousands and thousands of parahumans.

By now it’s very clear the offer she’s going to offer Rebecca is to give her powers. She’s showing her the risks of giving powers. This wouldn’t be happening if Rebecca was going to be an employee and not a hero, I think. Photos are shown, parahumans that’d fit the Case 53s very easily. It’s possible it’s precursors of them, or maybe they were already being called Case 53s.

This here is still the early stages of the power serum. Two out of seven die horribly, four experience physical changes that ensure they won’t be in society anymore as normal people, and one gets powers without further consequences. Pretty low odds, all things considered. The Doctor tries to sweeten the deal by saying she could mix things up so there’d be less change of physical changes and there’d be restorative effects – meaning Rebecca here would be healed. Well doesn’t that sound too good to be true?

“I’m not asking for money. Only that you take this leap of faith with me and help me build something. I know the risks are great, I wouldn’t normally ask someone to face them, but I suspect you don’t have much left to lose.”

So, I don’t doubt Rebecca has been in the hospital for quite some time already. It’s to be expected, what with her very deadly illness and what not. Cauldron may be able to access to her medical records. That said, I do wonder why she was the one they picked. It’s unlikely Rebecca is the only child with a terminal illness in the entire world. Maaaaybe it’s more of a geographical thing, and she was the only viable candidate in this part of the world? Or perhaps something about her psychological and emotional state made her a better candidate than other sick children? I really wonder why Cauldron picked her and not someone else, hmmm...

The Doctor was right, though: she doesn’t have anything left to lose, she’s on the verge of death, and in Rebecca’s opinion she already looks so awful she may as well be one of the monstrous parahumans from the photos. Why not to go out in a blaze of glory or possibly be saved even if in the end she looks like a monster? She accepts.

The interlude changes to the next day. The very first line says things went well. Congratulations, Rebecca! You have powers. And it seems the Doctor was right about heightening the chances of everything going just peachy. I wonder what powers she got!

Rebecca extended one arm. Her skin was a healthy pink, her hand thin but not so emaciated as it had been.

“I’m better?”

“I would guess so. In truth, I’m not sure how the regeneration affected the cancer, it might even have exacerbated the symptoms. For the time being, however, you seem to be well.”

This is going to be one hell of a thing to explain to Rebecca’s parents. One day their daughter is dying of cancer and looking like she’s in slow agony, the next day she’s heaps better and may be cancer-free. I don’t doubt the happiness of having her alive and better would triumph over most emotions, but there’ll be a lot of demands for explanations.

Since it still is relatively early in Cauldron’s projects, they don’t even have yet a way to categorize the results. They’ll have to test the serum a few more times. Well, if they need people with nothing to lose, there’s no shortage of them in the world. They’ll find all the test subjects they want.

Oh, well then! Looks like the way to avoid giving explanations to the parents and the doctors is to not be there at all. The Doctor asks Rebecca to stay with them for two years, and then she’ll be free to decide if she wants to return or not. Hmmm...I wonder if the teenager who is with the Doctor right now joined under similar circumstances to Rachel’s.

And so, Rebecca stayed with Cauldron for two years. Before I continue, let’s see what powers she has...so, from what I see here, there’s strength. There may also be some physical immunity, so she doesn’t get hurt. I’m not sure if her mental processes are better now than before, because the reason why they feel sharper and faster now could be that her illness had her so numbed she didn’t notice a decrease in mental processing speed. So far there’s nothing particularly noteworthy or unique, no parahuman character from Worm comes to mind.

So, around one year and half pass.

“Alexandria,” the Doctor called.

It seems Rebecca is Alexandria! Alright, that’s fun! This should be an interesting interlude to read. It also confirms further the ties between the big fishes of the Protectorate and Cauldron go way back.

Alexandria waited patiently as Contessa adjusted her cape, then strode through the door. The Doctor was there, of course. Professor Manton, too. The boy with the math powers was there, standing next to a boy who was staring off into space.

Contessa may be the teenage girl who was with the Doctor. I see the Siberian’s real body is here, from the time he was an investigator in Cauldron’s payroll. There’s also...the Number Man, perhaps? Maybe he was like Rebecca – a teenager or preteen who was brought into Cauldron’s forces.

Turns out Hero™®© is here! He really was with the rest as a Cauldron hero. Legend is also here, and it doesn’t seem like Eidolon is around. Maybe Eidolon will arrive later into the group. So, by now Alexandria has managed to build a reputation of some sort. She also has a nice costume already, possibly provided by Cauldron.

The Doctor spoke, “She’s as strong as any parahuman we’ve recorded. Flies at speeds that match your own, Legend. Near-perfect memory retention, accelerated processing and learning.”

So she does have increased mental processing. Alright!

Oh, Eidolon is here already. Alexandria was the last person to join this group, then. So, the reason why all the powerful capes and also Manton and Possibly-The-Number-Man are here is because there’s a proposal Alexandria wants to make. The newcomer wants to propose something! This should be interesting.

She starts by saying how this room has the most powerful parahumans in the world, and that parahumans would tend to be villains because of the traumatic events they go through. That’s rather true, a trigger event sure would bring all kinds of negative emotions. Taylor wanted to be a hero because she had heroic role models – the Protectorate and others of their kind. I’m sure others were like that too, but yeah, most new parahumans would choose to be villains because of their traumatic experiences.

The Doctor cut in, “And I’m producing more heroes than villains. For now, the proportion favors us, and you’ve been able to keep the criminal element in line. For the most part. But even as I expand my operations, I have come to the realization that I can only produce so much. And the rate of parahuman growth is expanding. The next twenty years are projected to produce a total number of six hundred and fifty thousand people with powers, worldwide.”

Sounds about right. It’s a lot of people. True, compared to the total population of the world it doesn’t seem like a considerable amount, but when you consider the amount of power each one has and what they can do, 6500 parahumans are way too many. Can you imagine how awful things would be if there were 6500 powerful villains all over the world?

Since Alexandria and the Doctor worked on the numbers, I’m sure they’re right. Things like these are easier when you have fast processing speeds in your brain. At the rate parahumans keep happening, the heroes Cauldron makes will be outpaced. I find interesting that what they are focusing is in that Cauldron makes heroes. Perhaps this group isn’t the threat they had seemed at first? It could be rather interesting, really.

So, to avoid the inevitable, Alexandria says they should be what the governments are trying to do: regulate. As expected, the reactions to such suggestion aren’t of joy and immediate cooperation.

Turns out having Legend as the leader was Alexandria’s idea. Either Legend or Hero™®© would have worked. Alexandria didn’t look as kind and positive as the candidates to leader, and Eidolon was too powerful. Alexandria is also the one who thought and planned how to incorporate parahumans into society. From what I have seen in Worm I can see it worked decently well!

Looks like the Protectorate and the Wards were also Alexandria’s idea. It really is like everything in parahumans’ lives was planned by Alexandria. II never thought a single person, superpowered or not, could have so much involvement in society.

“I expect we’ll be able to employ the remainder of the plan, the eight-stage integration of parahumans with the public, because I will be in a position of power in the government. I, my civilian self, can be in charge of the government-sponsored superhero teams within eight years.”

Could she still be holding that job, I wonder...does that mean Alexandria may have a job in the PRT in a national level, perhaps?

To give everyone else some time to think about her proposals, she prepared booklets and is willing to give them time to think about the plans. It’s a foregone conclusion there was enough support for it to happen, but I’m intrigued about if someone in the Protectorate objected! Eidolon did, of course. Did he change his mind at some point? What do Legend and Hero™®© think? So many questions and most likely there won’t be any answers!

Ah, the parahuman who can make portals is called the Doormaker. For a moment I thought I had read ‘Doormaster’. That would have been kind of cool, haha. This interlude is taking in an era when the building in Côte d'Ivoire still hadn’t been built – or at least I imagine that’s that place, because the Doctor says that will be her base of operations in the future.

“Where is it?”

“Another Earth.”

“Like Earth Aleph? The one Haywire opened the portal to?”

I’m not sure I like the thought of getting other Earths involved in this story, honestly...I mean, it’s okay for worldbuilding and stuff, but I hope it won’t have a big role in the story or anything. I just feel there’s too much already involved in this story to need something like alternate Earths. It would kind of...bloat the story?

Once everyone leaves, the Doctor and Alexandria talk. Turns out Alexandria and the Doctor kept a few things to herself about the long-term goals. Oho, keeping secrets, Alexandria? How devious! She’s turning out to be more calculating and with a bit of a devious streak, I like her.

“You have your end of the project. I feel they’ll come around. Focus on that. I’ll handle the projected issues on my side of things. Just need to find the right individual. Someone I can groom, perhaps. Between you and I, one of us is bound to succeed.”

There’s something very sinister about the Doctor saying anything about having someone to groom. I’m sure by the time things reach the present she already has someone, but can you imagine if she didn’t? Who in the present would she choose? Not Skitter, I think, because Skitter already has a million people going after her, but yeah.

Almost two years have passed, and Alexandria doesn’t feel particularly compelled about returning home. I still am curious how exactly they covered up Rebecca being gone all of a sudden. I feel bad for Rebecca’s parents – or at least for her mother, since she was the one that appeared in the story. Her daughter was dying of cancer and then she was gone or went away, and now she won’t return. That must hurt a lot.

December 13th of 1992. Something huge is coming out of the ground. It’s a bizarre, terrifying creature I’m pretty sure is an Endbringer, because the description reminds me a lot of Leviathan. Leviathan was aquatic, this one clearly is related to ground. The descriptions mention obsidian and magma.

His skin was crusted with black stone that might have been obsidian, layers of what might have been cooled magma sloughing off of him as he planted his feet on the ground and stood straight.

‘Straight’ might have been too generous. He was built like a caricature of a bodybuilder, or a bear-human hybrid. He rippled with muscle, his skin gray, thick and leathery like the hide of a rhinoceros or elephant. His black obsidian horns were so heavy his head hung down. They weren’t rooted in his forehead, but in the middle of his face, a half-dozen curved shafts of black crystal twisting their way out of his face and back over the top of his head, some ten feet long. A single red eye glowed from between the gap in two horns, positioned too low. His mouth was a jagged gap in his lower face, twisting up to a point near his temple, lined by jagged horn-like growths that were too irregular to be called teeth.

His claws were the same, not hands in the conventional sense, but mangled growths of the same material that made up his horns, many of the growths as large as Alexandria herself. He could flex them, move them, but they were clearly weapons and nothing else.

Can someone send me an image of this beast, please? I’m curious to see how the fans depicted this thing.

The Protectorate is here, and so is the team of local heroes. The exact place they’re at is unspecified. The maybe-Endbringer roars, already injuring one of the heroes, and then points at that person with a claw. That’s a death sentence immediately:

The man ignited from the inside out, flame and smoke pouring from every orifice as he was turned into a burned-out husk in a matter of seconds. His skeleton disintegrated into fine dust and ash as it crashed to the ground.

...okay, I’m sure at least one person must have ended traumatized by this sudden death. Goodness, that’s horrible!

Soon Alexandria is targeted directly, and although she’s invincible, it seems she still needs to breathe. She actually was in danger for a moment while Behemoth – it is Behemoth! – drove her into the ground with fire. Interesting weakness...to think one of the most powerful heroes could die by, say, drowning.

There’s major oil fields near the huge monster that clearly has fire powers to some extent. I’m already marking those oil fields as a total loss, I’m sure those will explode.

Behemoth doesn’t control fire or rocks or earth or lightning. There’s a better way of having all those abilities under the same name.

Her eyes widened. Not individual powers. Those were all the same power. She pressed one hand to her ear, opening communications to the rest of her team. “He’s a dynakinetic! He manipulates energy! No Manton limitation!”

I didn’t even know that word existed. Clearly they managed to make Behemoth surrender. No idea how, but they did! Too bad I don’t get to see how, because the moment ends there. Oh well. Maybe it was like it happened with Leviathan – they hit the Endbringer enough and with enough force to convince it to turn around and leave after it caused widespread destruction.

They’d been right after all. Dumb luck had created a parahuman as dangerous as what the Doctor could create by design.

It’s not like I ever thought Cauldron had created the Endbringers, but it’s somewhat of a relief it’s confirmed they didn’t. Also, what kind of traumatic event would create something like an endbringer? Was this the moment it emerged for the first time? Was the person who turned into Behemoth under the ground? Maybe it was a worker from the oil fields or something.

Next scene. Alexandria swears on the constitution to defend the United States. This must be a public event of some sort, and since it’s her cape identity swearing, I imagine this is the end result of her plan to bend to the government’s regulations – regulations she would impose through her civilian identity. Things went according to plan, I guess!

Her mother is here. Doesn’t seem to me like she returned home, but at least she did see her mother again. That’s the least she could have done, so I’m glad about it. So, this was the moment they founded the Protectorate in front of everyone. Judging by the way everyone is cheering, they did manage to way the public’s feelings about parahumans towards supporting the heroes.

That was a short scene, it changes to seven years later. It takes me a couple lines to realize what this moment may be: the Siberian when it killed Hero™®© because the setting is what I kind of remember it was. Alexandria feels sick because they’re leaving a victim be with whatever’s there. Despite Alexandria’s gray alignment – as far as I’m concerned – she really wants to save lives. Nice to know she has the right purpose despite everything.

Until recently they didn’t know Manton was the Siberian’s real body, but it seems Alexandria thought she was familiar. She may have seen Manton’s daughter before. It was just a feeling of familiarity. I also notice Manton didn’t hesitate to brutally murder someone he had worked before in Cauldron. Did Cauldron care one of their best creations was killed by Manton?

As anyone may have imagined, Hero™®© dying was shocking to everyone. Panic ensued on the bystanders, it was a frantic moment. It’s the kind of situation that would cause more victims, I’m ready to scroll down and see something along the lines of ‘the Siberian lunged through the crowd, tearing apart several unfortunate bystanders’.

Alexandria moved in close, hoping to stop Siberian, to catch her and slow her down, saw Siberian swing, pulled back out of the way.

Her visor fell free, clattering to the ground. Then she felt the blood.

Saw, in her one remaining good eye, the chunks of her own face that were falling to the ground around her, bouncing off her right breast, the spray of blood.

...okay, it’s more or less what I expected, but it happened on someone I didn’t think it would. Alexandria has gotten mangled! Thank goodness Eidolon has some healing powers, but still! That must hurt!

The next day, it is said Eidolon’s healing couldn’t do much. She has lost her eyesight in one eye, it will be replaced with a glass eye. Can glass eyes see? I don’t think they do, from what little I know. Anyway, the glass eye isn’t what’s important here. What’s important is that the Doctor told Alexandria who exactly the Siberian’s real body is. Alexandria knew all along, yet Manton was left to go around and join the Slaughterhouse Nine, and killing who knows how many people. Trying to save people, huh, Alexandria? By letting a mass murderer go around freely? Well, I imagine Cauldron insisted Manton should be free to do whatever he wants, I guess.

“I suppose he thought he was qualified to oversee all that. Despite my strict instructions that staff weren’t to partake. Or he had other motivations. It could have been a gift from a father trying to buy his daughter’s affections.”

So what happened to his daughter was his own fault. He’s taking out his grief over whatever happened to her, and it was his own fault. It’s rather tragic, but I can’t really feel any sympathy over this because I don’t know Manton at all. The Siberian’s role in the story has been to be a mass murderer and no more. It’s a shame, really, because Manton has all the traits of the kind of villain you would feel pity at.

Eidolon maybe knew. I suppose Legend was the only one who didn’t know. Eidolon also knows about the plans and projects Alexandria and the Doctor are concealing. Whatever they are sure didn’t please him. Mr. Wildbow sure is beating around the bush when it’s about those plans! They must be quite a shocking swerve, then.

As I thought, the Doctor says they should let Manton do whatever he wants.

“So long as he’s active, people will be flocking to join the Protectorate-”

Alexandria slammed her hand on the stainless steel table beside her cot.

I’m just glad Alexandria didn’t accept that right away. I’m very glad about it. Unfortunately her objections will be ignored because Manton was left to do whatever he wanted until present day, but it means a lot that she didn’t approve at all.

“You’re right,” the Doctor said. “I… must be more shaken by Manton’s betrayal than I’d thought. Forget I said anything.”

As if!

It seems that by the time they saw the Siberian for the first time the Doctor still didn’t have the individual she wanted to turn into...whatever she’s trying to do. Instead she’s now thinking about making the right individual. Perhaps through giving that person powers? In that case, if someone in the present is this individual, then their powers were given by Cauldron, perhaps?

It’s present day, and bombs are raining down. I think it’s the present because this brings to mind the bombing against the Slaughterhouse Nine.

I was wrong, it isn’t. Alexandria is somewhere else that isn’t Brockton Bay, and she’s bringing people into Cauldron the same way she was brought in: find someone who is on the brink of death and offer them life. In the case that’s written right here in the text she doesn’t tell exactly what will happen, but that’s because the guy he rescued was almost dead. In Cauldron’s cells, there are many who are Case 53s, or at least that’s my guess because they’re monstrous. They all have alterations to their memories and fabricated weaknesses, too. The guy Alexandria rescued is given the dose of serum, and he starts undergoing changes. It’s not pleasant, although any powers he gets aren’t shown.

The irony of placing others in the same situation she used to be in isn’t lost on Alexandria. I bet she never thought she’d ever do this too.

Ah, now it is the present day! They’re talking about Manton and about Jack’s role in the end of the world. They just finished their talk, and were ready to stop.

The Doctor turned to Eidolon, “You want another booster shot?”

“Probably another Endbringer attack coming up, it’s best if I’m in top form.”

“A month or two, either Simurgh or Behemoth if they stick to pattern,” Alexandria said. She watched as Legend strode out of the room. Eidolon paused, then gave the hand signal. No bugs, and Legend wasn’t listening in.

So the other Endbringers are bound to attack someday? Goodness, one big problem more for the already filled future of Worm. Maybe the problem of knowing the number of arcs ahead is that I keep wondering when there’ll be enough time to cram all the plotlines that are being opened. My guess is that the arcs will get even longer and longer!

That aside, they’re all actively hiding stuff from Legend. He already suspects it, that’s obvious thanks to the lie detector he had been using, but I’m sure they’re hiding a lot of huge stuff. He’s not going to take it well once he realizes the extent of what they’re hiding. Heck, I’m the reader and I’m sure the secrets I have seen so far are just a small part of their bunch of secrets.

“We’ll manage,” the Doctor replied. “In the worst case scenario, we’ll explain the circumstances, explain our plan.”

“He won’t like it,” Eidolon spoke.

“But he’ll understand,” the Doctor said. “If the Terminus project is a success, the end of the world isn’t a concern. And I believe we will succeed.”

I’m pretty sure that the Doctor’s plans of grooming someone and the Terminus project are the same thing. I suppose this means she got someone – possibly the guy Alexandria saved -- and now the project is underway. There’s a chance they’re different projects, but yeah, I’m reasonable sure it’s the same.

“So that leaves only my end of things,” the Doctor said.

“Coil,” Eidolon said. “And if he fails?”

Ah, there it is. The Cauldron plotline is starting to be tied with Skitter’s plotlines. I was looking forward to finding out how it would be. Perhaps something Coil is doing in Brockton Bay is very important for Cauldron? He does have a huge money debt towards them. Maybe he would do a favor or two for them, even if money isn’t really something he cares a lot about – I imagine. He always can make more.

The end of the world is a troublesome matter because it gives no more time for projects. That should mean the Terminus project will end in the span of the next two years...interesting.

“If we assist him-”

“No,” the Doctor spoke. “If we assist him, there’s no point.”

“In short?” Alexandria leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “He doesn’t even know it, but everything rests on his shoulders.”

You know what this means? Skitter is going to inadvertently ruin the Protectorate and Cauldron’s plans at once. Whatever Coil has to do or they’re relying on surely needs his resources and everything he has, so if he loses it, he won’t be able to do anything. It’s possible that simply being alive is enough for him to be of use to Cauldron, but I don’t think so. I really can’t wait to see how Skitter ruins everything and possibly dooms the world when she defeats Coil. This is going to be fun.

That was the interlude. It was pretty interesting! I was glad to see more of Cauldron, honestly they’re starting to be the most interesting force in this story. Even more interesting than the Undersiders, I’d dare to say. I hope they and their plans appear more often in the story.

Next time I suppose the next arc will start? Last chapter had a nice ending for an arc, I would be kind of surprised if the arc continued further.

Next time: next update

#worm #worm liveblog #webserial #webserial liveblog #liveblog

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danahmbisyosangdoktora · 6 years ago

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Here it is! My first ever blog post under my Asian Drama Blog Series. The following are the dramas I watched during the month of January 2019.

// Okay, I kinda felt the need to explain. Most of the dramas I watched this month are those of EXO Members’. As I’ve said in my 2018 Highlights, I only decided to officially spazz kpop recently and this is sorta part of it. I really wanted to watch most of the members (if not all) to somehow catch up to whatever I’ve missed when I still haven’t “stanning” as much as I can so I watched and am continually watching their dramas. //

SERIES

1) EXO NEXT DOOR Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Light plot No. of Episodes: 16 Running time: 15 minutes Genre: Web Series, Comedy, Romance Plot: 23-year-old Ji Yeon-hee is extremely shy and introverted with zero dating experience tends to blush like a tomato when talking to someone she likes. One day, four young men move into the house right next door to hers. Much to her surprise, they turn out to be Chanyeol, D.O., Baekhyun and Sehun from EXO, her favorite boy band who are trying to lay low for a while. Thoughts: It’s like your typical boy band fanfiction that has been adapted to become a tv series. I don’t know if it’s because I watched so many dramas already or the fact that I grew up reading fanfictions or because I watched it few years after it’s hype that’s why I said this??? Had I watched this during its release, I would have been really stoked! (Probs because I’m much younger back then) But of course, I am not any less glad even though I watched it years late because it’s still like a dream come true of some sort to have seen your idols actually act as the characters in a plot that you have only been imagining or you have just read in a fan fiction. We’re talking about audio-visuals here lol.

This is actually the first drama where I saw Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Sehun act. I have watched Kyungsoo before in Pure Love and 100 Days My Prince (he’s also the main reason why I decided to finally look up and stan EXO lol) and it irks me a bit to see him do the second lead this time. Sehun was really funny here. Total maknae! I can never forget you, brotha. The series is actually short. I finished it in two nights alongside with another drama I was watching. You can totally finish this in one sitting! Finished Watching On: January 09, 2019

2) THE UNIVERSE’S STAR Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Moderate plot No. of Episodes: 6 (MBC) Running time: 30 minutes (MBC) Genre: Fantasy, Romance Plot: Byul is a 19-year-old student who has been struggling to keep up with her job to guide dead souls to the afterworld as a Grim Reaper, learned that her favorite singer Woo Joo, is expected to die soon. She decided to save him as he is the only memory that she had in her previous life before she got into the accident which caused her life. Thoughts: It’s a little refreshing for me because I haven’t came across a fantasy plot between an idol and a fan, more so a mystic entity in this case, for quite a while. Although it’s a bit predictable (perhaps for me since I’ve read a lot of fan fics/ teen fics and watched so many dramas already or it really is predictable), I still liked how it ended and also a bit sad over its bitter-sweet ending. Finished Watching On: January 11, 2019

3) BE POSITIVE Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Very Light plot No. of Episodes: 6 Running time: 10 minutes Genre: Web Series, Romantic comedy Plot: Film major student Hwan-dong prepares for his graduation project as a movie director. He is facing a difficulty in finilizing the film due to lack of funding. Left with no choice, he asked Hye-jung, an actress of present time and alumna of his university who happened to be his ex-girlfriend to play the main role in his production. Thoughts: It’s really light but it’s understandable since it’s only a web series/ promotional series. To be honest, I only watched it since Kyungsoo is the lead role. I think it’s the perfect drama which portrayed relationships that ended without proper closure. Can relate. I like to commend this because true to its mission to “send a message of support to the younger generation”, it actually showed how we must really own up our mistakes and be mature enough to talk any misunderstandings out. Kyungsoo was really cute here huhuhu. It’s super duper short! I mean it’s only an hour!!! I seriously finished this in one sitting. Finished Watching On: January 12, 2019

4) STRONG GIRL BONG-SOON Rating: ★★★ ★ ☆ | Moderate plot No. of Episodes: 16 + 1 (Special) Running time: 70 minutes Genre: Fantasy, Thriller, Action, Romantic comedy Plot: Born with superhuman strength, Do Bong-soon dreams of creating a video game with the main heroine as herself. Her strength is hereditary and passed along only to the women in her family. She is desperately trying her best to become a willowy and elegant woman to meet the ideal type of her long-term crush, In Guk-doo, a police officer. Due to her strength, she was scouted to be the bodyguard of Ahn Min-hyuk, a rich heir and the CEO of a gaming company who recently received anonymous threats, blackmails and a series of stalking.

One day, a series of kidnapping cases break in Dobong-dong, the district Bong-soon lives in. After her friend was targeted, she became determined to catch the culprit. As they try to find the suspect, the three found themselves in a love triangle. Thoughts: What’s there to say aside from it being super good? It’s a mixture of suspense, romance and cuteness. The romance isn’t annoying at all. I really liked how the kidnapping case added so much spice to the plot and how after all the ruckus it all went down to family being your major strength. Finished Watching On: January 18, 2019

5) TERIUS BEHIND ME Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Moderate plot No. of Episodes: 32 Running time: 35 minutes each / 2 episodes per day Genre: Romantic-Comedy, Mystery Plot: Go Ae-Rin suddenly loses her husband. A mysterious man, Kim Bon, lives next door. Kim Bon is a legendary NIS agent. He was involved in a failed secret operation wherein the woman he loved died three years ago. He has since become disconnected with the world and decided to live alone quietly. He helps his neighbor Go Ae-Rin uncover a conspiracy which her husband got involved with. Thoughts: Watched this because of a trailer I came across on Facebook and So Ji-sub!!! This has been on my list since last year and I only got the chance to watch it this month. It’s a breather from my usual teen fictions so I was hooked. Super Ioved the twins, they were super cute. I especially enjoyed the part where they had to deal with the bioterrorism coz I can 10/10 relate, my Microbiolog(ist)y heart was very happy and was very amazed to at least see it be executed/ planned even if it’s just on screen. It’s not the most perfect spy series but it’s enough for me (or because I never really watch spy shows). The traitor in the ending (a supposedly plot twist) wasn’t very surprising to me... not sure if it’s predictable or because I have watched so many dramas already that I did predict who’s who already. Finished Watching On: January 24, 2019

6) SEVEN FIRST KISSES Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Light plot No. of Episodes: 8 Running time: 9-12 mins Genre: Romance, Comedy Plot: Lotte Duty Free store employee Min Soo-jin has never been in a relationship before. One day, she meets with the goddess of date who grants her an attempt to pick the perfect partner for her first kiss among seven men. Her options are firstly, a religious tech billionaire (Lee Joon-gi), a serious yet romantic boss (Park Hae-jin), a sexy secret agent (Ji Chang-wook), an adorable younger male friend (Kai), an innocent chaebol heir (Ok Taec-yeon), a beloved k-idol (Lee Jong-suk) and finally a free-spirited travel writer (Lee Min-ho). Thoughts: Bukod pala sa babaeng lahat. Charot! I have watched this during its release but I failed to catch up with every episodes. It’s only now that I decided to watch it as a whole again. Watched this after finishing Memories of the Alhambra as a rebound/ to ease my broken heart. It’s super light, tamang kilig and fantasize sa oppas. Literally watched in one sitting. Finished Watching On: January 28, 2019

7) SECRET QUEEN MAKERS Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Light plot No. of Episodes: 7 Running time: 15 mins Genre: Romance, Comedy Plot: A travel agent who lacks confidence in her appearance finds her hidden beauty with the help of six men she met at Lotte Duty Free stores. Thoughts: Watched this because of Chanyeol and Sehun!!! I only knew it was also a short series the moment I decided to watch it so I also ended it in one sitting. Dunno what to say other than it was cute and fun and short. I suck at reviews but this is another usual fan fiction I have read huhu but ofc, I love that I have seen it with my eyes than just imagining it. Finished Watching On: January 28, 2019

8) MEMORIES OF THE ALHAMBRA Rating: ★★★★☆ | Heavy plot No. of Episodes: 16 Running time: 65 minutes Genre: Fantasy, Suspense, Sci-fi, Romance, Melodrama Plot: After receiving an email regarding a groundbreaking AR game about medieval battles in Alhambra, Yoo Jin-woo, CEO of an investment company that specializes in optical devices, travels to Granada, Spain to meet the creator of the game, Jung Se-joo. However, Se-joo is missing and there, he meets his sister Jung Hee-joo, owner of the hostel he stays in and a former guitarist. Both get entangled in a mysterious incident and the border between the real world and the AR world built by Se-joo begins to blur. © Thoughts: Watched this while it’s on-going. 11/10 would recommend!!!! At first, I felt like it has the same vibe as W and got super amazed then I only learned mid-drama that both drama were written by one writer that’s why they have the same vibes. Super crazy plot! I honestly couldn't quite catch what’s going on in the first few episodes, I thought I was going stupid and going crazy myself but got a hang of it din later on. Super genius! Everything is astounding... except the ending. LOL I’M SO MAD!!!!

I decided to delay watching the finale for a week to “emotionally prepare” myself but I never thought I would be betrayed like this??? Had I known, I would have prepared for a month. Have already watched tons and been watching kdramas for several years already, I shouldn't be surprised and disappointed to open-ended stories anymore BUT I AM!!!???!!! So proud of Chanyeol here and my girl, PSH, still never disappoints! Finished Watching On: January 28, 2019

MOVIES Never a fan of watching movies but for EXO, I watched them loooool

1) SO I MARRIED AN ANTI-FAN Rating: ★★★☆☆ | Light plot Genre: Comedy, Romance Plot: Top star Hoo Joon ended up living together with his anti-fan reporter Lee Geun-young. Thoughts: Literally a fan fiction ripped straight off of Wattpad... charot! Not sure which came first but that’s what it was for me. Not that I don’t like it... again, it’s a dream come true to have seen my favorite idol actually act as the character I have only imagined before but I read a fanfic with the same plot before I watched this. Watched on: January 05, 2019

2) HYEONG/ MY ANNOYING BROTHER Rating: ★★★★★ | Light plot Genre: Comedy, Drama Plot: All thanks to Doo-Young, his younger brother, Doo-Sik was granted a parole from prison. Doo-Young is a then promising judo athlete but got involved in an accident before the selection for the national team which made him lose not only his break but his eyesight as well. After 15 years, Doo-Sik (Jo Jung-suk) suddenly appears in front of Doo-Young and they begin to live together. Thoughts: Of course, watched this because of my bias Kyungsoooooooo. Seriously this guy knows how to tickle your lacrimal glands and make you cry. Almost all of his movies were tear-jerker!!!! I felt super proud of him here. He literally pulled it off #nobias. It’s super relatable especially because it tackles about sibling-hood. Watched on: January 26, 2019

3) SO YOUNG 2: NEVER GONE Rating: ★★☆☆☆ | Light plot Genre: Drama, Romance Plot: A wealthy young man pursues a young woman of modest means, but circumstances often separate them as the years pass. © Thoughts: The movie was said to be an adaptation of a novel. Honestly, I didn't clearly get the plot in whole? I was confused what happened in the end. Not sure if it’s because it’s poorly shown or the fact that maybe the Chinese characters that were flashed (which I can’t transcribe) held a significant role that’s why I didn't understand the ending. I saw a clip on Facebook and it seemed interesting + it’s Yi Fan’s movie which lead me to watch it. I had to search for reviews and summaries in hopes of finding enlightenment about the ending but I haven’t found any which clearly explains what happened. About the characters, I had to say that the relationship was kind of toxic and they were really immature, I’m so mad! (says the mature one lol) Watched on: January 27, 2019 Soooo that’s it. Please understand that these are all based on my personal opinion. I am in no way a professional in making reviews. I’m just a plain nobody who loves watching asian dramas. The way I see a plot (as a light or as a heavy one) may be different from others and the ratings I gave could be different from anyone else as well. Most importantly, your thoughts might differ to mine so you do you. I hope I was able to help you find what to binge next!

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haroldgross · 4 years ago

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New Post has been published on Harold Gross: The 5a.m. Critic

New Post has been published on http://literaryends.com/hgblog/oscars-2021/

Oscars 2021

There wasn’t a chance I was going to try and prediction nominations this year given all the rules changes and expanded eligibility rules (no screen release necessary). Heck, even the Hollywood Stock Exchange (HSX) didn’t bother to hold their annual trading on the nominations. But, now that they are in, I’m willing to try and predict winners.

While there were some odd gaps and snubs, there are some nicely competitive categories. The big question is how much Netflix-hate and politics will play into the results. With rare exception, there are few winners that could be selected that wouldn’t be worthy in the following lists, but when choosing “the best” things always get a little dicey.

And with that preamble, here are my first impressions and some thinking out loud. I’ll post a final call before the night as per tradition.

Actress in a Leading Role

Viola Davis (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom) Andra Day (The United States vs. Billie Holiday) Vanessa Kirby (Pieces of a Woman) Frances McDormand (Nomadland) Carey Mulligan (Promising Young Woman)

What a great range of talent and styles…which only makes prediction that much harder. However Frances McDormand has been buzzed about for months now. And while Davis and Day delivered amazing performances, Mulligan is still my favorite for the levels and tightrope. Only Day challenges it for me, but she had less of a plot to work with some ways. My guess is still McDormand.

Actor in a Leading Role

Riz Ahmed (Sound of Metal) Chadwick Boseman (Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom) Anthony Hopkins (The Father) Gary Oldman (Mank) Steven Yeun (Minari)

Boseman, regardless of performance, is likely to get this on the upswell of loss alone. For me, Oldman was the more complete and believable character and performance.

Actress in a Supporting Role

Maria Bakalova (Borat Subsequent Moviefilm) Glenn Close (Hillbilly Elegy) Olivia Colman (The Father) Amanda Seyfried (Mank) Yuh-Jung Youn (Minari)

Yuh-Jung Youn stole Minari. And Seyfried was luminescent in Mank. I’d bet on Seyfried if Minari didn’t have such growing support and if we all didn’t need such a good laugh (which Youn delivers). Colman was wonderful, but her performance doesn’t quite gel without the rest of the ensemble, by design. And though Bakalova has been gathering accolades, she’s much younger than Youn and has “plenty of time” in the voter’s eyes to prove herself.

Actor in a Supporting Role

Sacha Baron Cohen (The Trial of the Chicago 7) Daniel Kaluuya (Judas and the Black Messiah) Leslie Odom, Jr (One Night in Miami) Paul Raci (Sound of Metal) Lakeith Stanfield (Judas and the Black Messiah)

There is no good answer here. Cohen truly captured Hoffman in a way that deserves to walk away with the statuette. But Odom navigates a complex problem with savvy and Stanfield delivers an oily and complex man with conviction. As much as I’d like this to go to Cohen on the merits, I think Odom is the likely winner here.

Adapted Screenplay

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm The Father Nomadland One Night in Miami The White Tiger

There is no perfect choice in this group. All have their challenges. One Night in Miami is probably the front-runner, though there may be a surprise in here.

Original Screenplay

Judas and the Black Messiah Minari Promising Young Woman Sound of Metal The Trial of the Chicago 7

Again a great list, but Promising Young Woman was the most impressive of this list for me, especially as a first feature. However, Trial may get this due to Sorkin love (and not undeservedly).

Directing

Another Round, Thomas Vinterberg Mank, David Fincher Minari, Lee Isaac Chung Nomadland, Chloé Zhao Promising Young Woman, Emerald Fennell

Best Picture

The Father Judas and the Black Messiah Mank Minari Nomadland Promising Young Woman Sound of Metal The Trial of the Chicago 7

There are times I’m glad it isn’t up to me. There is no question that Nomadland is the front-runner, whether it should be or not. For the record, I don’t think it should be in this list. Mank is by far the best crafted and fully complete vision delivered. Promising Young Woman is the most surprising and delicately crafted. The Father is unique and clever. Judas and Trial are incredible windows into events and people of the past. Sound of Metal and Minari are peeks into worlds you most likely aren’t familiar with. But Nomadland has somehow grabbed the attention. It may still fall to split votes or political tides, but of this list, it is among the weakest films in my opinion.

International Feature

Another Round (Denmark) Better Days (Hong Kong) Collective (Romania) The Man Who Sold His Skin (Tunisia) Quo Vadis, Aida? (Bosnia and Herzegovina)

Another Round is the most familiar title, but Collective and Skin are currently gaining recognition. I’m hoping to see them all before the day of reckoning, but for now I’m going with Another Round based solely on press and buzz.

Original Song

“Fight For You” (Judas and the Black Messiah) “Hear My Voice” (The Trial of the Chicago 7) “Husavik” (Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga) “Io Sì (Seen)” (The Life Ahead (La Vita Davanti a Se)) “Speak Now” (One Night in Miami)

I honestly just don’t care enough to have an opinion yet. Suspect, though, that it will be Fight For You or Speak Now.

Original Score

Da 5 Bloods, Terence Blanchard Mank, Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross Minari, Emile Mosseri News of the World, James Newton Howard Soul, Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross and Jon Batiste

Soul is the score to beat, no pun intended. All were solid, but Soul’s already snagging awards for its score and that is likely to continue, and is certainly worthy.

Documentary Feature

Collective Crip Camp The Mole Agent My Octopus Teacher Time

Don’t know enough yet here to discuss the possible outcomes.

Documentary Short Subject

Colette A Concerto Is a Conversation Do Not Split Hunger Ward A Love Song for Latasha

Don’t know enough yet here to discuss the possible outcomes.

Live Action Short Film

Feeling Through The Letter Room The Present Two Distant Strangers White Eye

Don’t know enough yet here to discuss the possible outcomes.

Animated Feature Film

Onward Over the Moon A Shaun the Sheep Movie: Farmageddon Soul Wolfwalkers

All entertaining, but Soul is the walkaway here. It is a full look at a difficult subject, done in an inventive and effective way.

Animated Short Film

Burrow Genius Loci If Anything Happens I Love You Opera Yes-People

Don’t know enough yet here to discuss the possible outcomes.

Cinematography

Judas and the Black Messiah, Sean Bobbitt Mank , Erik Messerschmidt News of the World, Dariusz Wolski Nomadland , Joshua James Richards The Trial of the Chicago 7, Phedon Papamichael

Judas, News, and Trial are all cut from the similar cloth of classic cinematography. Judas and Trial also have the added skill of mixing in historical or seemingly historical footage. All are done very well. But Nomadland and Mank are more stylistic and more characters within the story. Mank is, by far, the most impactful delivery of the group, and the most artistic, but I am not sure that it can overcome its stream-only origins. I can also see Judas walking with this as a consolation prize.

Film Editing

The Father Nomadland Promising Young Woman Sound of Metal The Trial of the Chicago 7

The Father and Promising Young Woman are neck and neck for me in this category. Nomadland was very harsh in its edits, causing the flow to falter rather than flow. Trial has some clever editing to tell the story, but it felt more driven by the necessities of the script than the editor. Father may get this if folks don’t want to give it Production Design. Nomadland is likely to take it as part of its potential tsunami.

Production Design

The Father Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom Mank News of the World Tenet

You couldn’t have put together a list of more different films that relied on their production design, and all done excellently. Three are period pieces, but Mank is highly stylized, while Ma Rainey’s and News are more invisible. But The Father tells its story through the production design and Tenet creates an entire world and mythos. Honestly, The Father should get this, but Tenet may get this as one of its few opportunities for the gang of Nolan.

Costume Design

Emma Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom Mank Mulan Pinocchio

Ma Rainey’s, hands down for me, for the range of economics and cultures it covered. As wonderful as Mank’s were, the Black and White aspect mutes the magic of what was done. Mulan was just a bit too forced, as was Emma, though that latter would typically win this category.

Visual Effects

Love and Monsters The Midnight Sky Mulan The One and Only Ivan Tenet

Yeah, Tenet. No question.

Makeup and Hairstyling

Emma Hillbilly Elegy Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom Mank Pinocchio

Mank. Makeup and hair for black and white photography is a bear and this was done flawlessly and on a huge scale.

Sound

Greyhound Mank News of the World Soul Sound of Metal

As wonderful as Soul is, Sound of Metal uses sound (beyond just the music) as more of an essential character and story element. It also is one of its few chances this year, so think this may be where it gets its nod.

NOMINATIONS BY FILM

Provided just for reference, but certainly interesting to consider when considering who has the attention of the voters. Only films with 2 or more noms are listed.

Mank (Netflix) — 10 The Father (Sony Pictures Classics) — 6 Judas and the Black Messiah (Warner Bros.) — 6 Minari (A24) — 6 Nomadland (Searchlight) — 6 Sound of Metal (Amazon Studios) — 6 The Trial of the Chicago 7 (Netflix) — 6 Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (Netflix) — 5 Promising Young Woman (Focus Features) — 5 News of the World (Universal) — 4 One Night In Miami (Amazon Studios) — 3 Soul (Walt Disney) — 3 Another Round (Samuel Goldwyn Films) — 2 Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (Amazon Studios) — 2 Collective (Magnolia Pictures/Participant) — 2 Emma (Focus Features) — 2 Hillbilly Elegy (Netflix) — 2 Mulan (Walt Disney) — 2 Pinocchio (Roadside Attractions) — 2 Tenet (Warner Bros.) — 2

#Movie Review

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the-fangirlingwriter · 7 years ago

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love, alcohol and movie sets

inspired by “I’m Drunk, I Love You”

"Ready, guys?" Direk shouts over the increasing noise. We nod in reply, and he returns his gaze to the rest of the staff. "Quiet on the set! Now, three, two, one, action."

"Elise," Dante utters, bringing my focus back to him. "I want you to know that I didn't do anything you wouldn't like. I don't know what the others are saying, but whatever they are I would never do those horrible things to you."

He says this as he opens a green bottle of alcohol, then hands it to me. Sort of like a peace offering. It says so in the script, but the audience doesn't get to see that. They're left to interpret it as an obligatory gesture, but never as something straight from the past. Nothing ever stays the same, as real and as pure as the source material when it's adapted into something else.

I take the object from his hand, pausing for a few seconds and finally taking a swig. He does the same, visibly anxious as he waits for my reply and I take my time to think about a particular scene in the book that didn't make it to the final script. It's about the first time Elise and Carlos went out alone, and it remains a cute, fond memory in my mind.

It's described to be at the early stages of their friendship, when they were first getting used to each other in person, like how one would wear a new pair of shoes slightly different from what they're used to. In the first month of freshman year, Carlos asked my character if she would accompany him to the nearby convenience store. Elise, lovestruck as ever and of course wanting more of his time, predictably said yes.

I remember Elise eliciting a happy "Yay!" from him when she said sure, and how she was frowning a little because he sounded so nervous when he did so, like he was asking--admitting, rather, to doing something wrong.

He asks her if she wanted anything. She replies no, that she was fine, thank you. but he gets her a can of beer anyway, even though Elise didn't drink the beverage. But life has its funny ways, because fast forward to senior year and they're into the harder stuff, drinking in pubs and participating in drinking games in their organization's house.

His voice takes me back to reality, and I'm thankful that I needed to look like I spaced out lest the director asked for another take. This was our fourth, and the wasted alcohol didn't really sit well with my conscience. "Please, say something."

I stare at him with searching eyes, recalling the lines and preparing myself to project them. It was a miracle that I could still remember them at this point. "Really? Then would you kindly tell your friend to stop, please? This was supposed to be a fun trip to La Union-- you and me. It was supposed to be just the two of us, then you brought her along and the rest of your squad followed." I chug down a swig, closing my eyes and feeling the fizz of the beverage.

Switching to a more accusatory tone, I say, "I don't even know why you decided to have a girlfriend without telling me first. I mean, it's your life, but I'm still your best friend." I bite my lip after the last sentence. The words sting-- both as myself Alicia and as my character Elise. Emotional instability wasn't something anyone would welcome, but today, right here, right now, at this moment, it's all I ever want. "It would be nice to know how my best friend's life is going."

"She's not my girlfriend," he exclaims immediately after I finish my sentence. It's not like him in real life to (almost, in this case) cut off people, and he's just that polite that it rubs off on his character during filming. Luckily he's an actor so he plays it off smoothly, like everything else that he does. "Ashley's not my type. I just couldn't say no to her since our moms are friends. Come to think of it, maybe that's how she found out about the trip."

My head falls slightly to the side, my eyes tracing the soft curl of his long eyelashes, which are longer than my own. "Yeah...maybe." "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Elise."

Redemption sets in, and at this point Elise makes sense of what happened but still holds a little grudge. A little indifferent, I say, "I forgive you." "Paolo and the others are heading to the club later. I think Ashley's going with them." I make a face at the sound of so many lights, sweat and dirty sexual intention, and he continues with the trace of an amused look on his face. "I know we both don't like those kinds of environments, so what do you think about a peaceful night out? Just the two of us?"

I pretend to consider his suggestion. In my mind-- and Elise's-- it was a definite yes. Nothing else.

"Please, let me make it up to you. I know things haven't been the greatest, but this is what we had in mind at the very start, so even just for a short while, maybe we could-"

"Sure, Carlos," I smile. "Why not?"

He looks rather pleased, and relieved at my reply. "Thank you. Thank you so much." He reaches out for a hug, which I cherish more than I should since Dante would never hug me like this in real life.

"I've missed you, Carlos. I can't wait for tonight." Dante gets up to leave, cueing me to lower my voice to a soft whisper, but still audible enough for the microphone to hear. "Just us. Again. Like the old days."

But the audience doesn't get to see that.

We move quickly to the next location-- a beach already decorated with all sorts of lanterns and occupied by a bunch of extras. I'm ushered almost immediately to get into wardrobe when we arrive-- and moments later I'm sporting a pair of frayed denim shorts, a loose, bohemian white cardigan and a flowing mauve top. The platinum blonde streak in my slightly wavy brown hair is incredibly prominent at this point, since Elise often wore her hair in a bun. Later in the movie, however, we film a scene where she's wearing a braid. At least, that's what I've heard from my stylist.

I get out of wardrobe about the same time as Dante (shocker), who's wearing a pair of dark blue swimming trunks and a fitting white shirt. Honestly, what is it about white shirts that make guys--especially the ones you like--look even hotter than usual?

In fact, why is Dante Ashford so attractive? To others, he may not look like much, but to me he is everything from the stars and the sun and beyond. It baffles me how I find him-- a guy with honestly mediocre looks-- so incredibly beautiful.

Maybe that's the magic of love.

The next scene consists of Carlos and Elise laying on the pure, white sand, having a conversation just on the edge of teasing before both of them strip down to their bathing suits and head to the water, creating more sexual tension just in time for Elise to get even more drunk and almost confess her feelings for Carlos. The key factor here is just that-- the alcohol, and I'm a tad bit worried (as well as secretly hoping) that I will parallel Elise's situation.

Hah. Like I wasn't already.

I push away my worries, remembering my "alcohol tolerance training". A few months before the shoot, I tested my boundaries for alcohol and drank a little more each time to help my body get used to it. Probably not the healthiest thing to do, but it proved useful since that scene from earlier. I have a stronger alcohol tolerance now, but Dante doesn't know that and tonight is all the more reason for him not to.

Maybe, if I convince myself that I'm drunk enough, I might be able to confess my feelings for him.

I just hope it doesn't get a little too awkward.

Playing in the water is a piece of cake-- it's not hard to fake fun when you're with the person you love. Heck, you don't even have to. All emotions that you feel-- you don't fake. You just mask. "Aah!"

I slip on the sand-- I slip on the fucking sand and grab desperately on the closest thing to me-- Dante's arms. I try to ignore that my head is against his bare chest, that we're out in the beach with so many people watching us and I am in a bikini and this is not in the script at all--and just go along with it.

Dante's good at improv, and so am I, but I hold my breath and hope anyway that he'll catch on.

He does. Laughing lightly, he asks, "You okay?"

"Yeah," I reply, raising my head and looking into his eyes, mine wide. His pupils are dilated, which I assume is from the beginning sunset and the sheer lack of lighting. "Thank you."

Time stops. We're standing there, looking, alternating between the sunset and the other's eyes, and nothing else matters. It's just me and him. Carlos and Elise. Dante and Alicia. Alone.

Just like the old days.

I remember that Elise's shy, so I look down on my hands and back away. Returning to the script, I splash him again with water and utter a few sentences of dialogue, and we're off to the next scene.

Alcohol is fucking delicious.

There's a scene in the film where we go to a restaurant after swimming, so we're dressed a little more formally this time. I'm wearing a black dress that's just slightly revealing my legs and he's wearing black slacks and a red button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows (please fucking kill me) but the content in the scene is not as classy.

Carlos, being the driver, can't drink. But I'm the passenger and the restaurant has a wide selection of high-quality drinks, so I get to taste Heaven. Poor Carlos. I'm lucky to be Elise.

"You know, Elise," Dante says, taking a bite of blueberry cheesecake. "I think we should go out here more often. Just us, no one else." I raise an eyebrow.

"And I'll make sure Ashley and the others won't find out."

"Maybe we could go somewhere else. Explore. El Nido, maybe?

"That would be nice, if I had enough money."

He erupts into a fit of giggles, and soon enough I'm laughing along with him. Carlos and Elise are rich, but not rich enough that would allow them to go on a trip by plane. Road trips are the best option...for now.

"Someday, Carlos. We'll go to El Nido and swim with the fishes and who knows, you might even step on a sea urchin."

"My father stepped on a sea urchin once, when he was younger. History will not repeat itself this time."

"Hah! We'll see."

"Excuse me."

The waiter arrives, smiling at us as he places a glass of pale gold substance on the table. "Caribou Lou, ma'am, sir. Enjoy."

Dante eyes the drink, which I take away from his gaze and give him a teasing look. He pouts, making me giggle before I took a sip. "Mm. Tastes like pineapple. Then there's coconut and...oh! Rum. Of course."

"I wish I could have a sip, but I'm the designated driver so..."

"Want one?"

"Are you kidding me? That's like, almost pure alcohol. I'd advise you to be careful, but you already ordered."

"Hee hee! You know you love me."

It doesn't take long for me to finish the drink. Same goes for the effect. A few chugs and it feels like I'm tripping on LSD. Just a little tipsy though, as one might say.

"All right, we better get home before the alcohol really gets to your system," he says, calling the waiter for the bill.

"Aww, but I'm having a lot of fun!" I stomp my feet in a quick succession, pouting and giggling almost a little too loudly. I hate to say it, but the alcohol's starting to take effect-- even more quickly than I expected. I wonder how I'm even able to create a sentence without another interrupting my train of thought.

"Let's go, Elise." He pays the bill and helps me stand up, and I grin and cling to his arm.

We walk out the door, ending the scene with a lot more authenticity than I had in mind.

But, of course, the audience doesn't get to know that unless we tell them in an interview.

The next scene is horrendous. I'm supposed to sing--badly, might I add, for the whole trip back to out hotel. It's very short, although humiliating, and there's no doubt it will become a joke of some sort before and after release of the film. I actually want to forget about it-- drunk me is so embarrassing and no one else has to know that.

Another thing no one else has to know about is my big, fat crush on the man I’m playing opposite to. Elise, sadly, doesn’t end up with Carlos, and dear God am I so afraid that it will happen to me too..

I didn’t have to worry about it for the time being, though. By some fantastic miracle we were able to shoot without any Freudian slips or anything of the sort. I survived...

But I'm not sure about after filming. It's a wrap for the day and it's so incredibly boring because for the amount of alcohol I drank I didn't even get DRUNK like what the fuck?? Weak shit??? Omg??

The world is a happy, happy place. But then it's also sad because there's AIDS and HIV and people are dying and there's world hunger and there's war in Iran and in Syria and the Philippines is still a third world country and can Asians be sexy oh wait that's a video right HAHAHAHA

Whycan'tpeopleloveme? Sad.

Why is the car stopping what why am I in a car oh hahaha

Right

I'm in a movie shoot

HAHAHA just got home at midnight you fuckers

No fucking curfew bitchhh

Such a fucking ADULT

Oh hey someone's here to escort me to my room! Wow he looks so...HOT!

So...HOT!

"Heeeyyyyy." I grin, taking his hand and stepping out the door. My legs feel like jelly...but why?

"Oh no, Alicia," he replies. He looks worried. Who's Alicia?

"Don't you...love meee?"

"What?"

"Love. Me. Who's Alicia?"

"That's you."

I guess he got impatient with me so he just picked me up and carried me to a room? Ugh. Guy doesn't know how to wait. What. A. Turnoff.

Still cute though.

"You know...hm....whaaat's your name?"

"Dante. Dante, Alicia. You need some water."

He takes a bottle of...ev...evia...evi From his bag and hands it to me.

"This is sealed...isn't it? You're not....drug..me?"

He looks at me in the eye. "No, Alicia. Never."

I plop myself on the bed, opening the bottle and draining it halfway through. "Aaaah! Thank you, kind sir! Your kindness...will forever be appreciated! Kaso...walang...forever..."

A wave of sadness washes over me and tears begin to prick my eyes. "Walang...forever..."

He places a hand on my shoulder and speaks. "Alicia, you need to rest. We still have shooting tomorrow. Actually, I do, and you don't...but still. Go to sleep."

His voice is soooooo soothing. I want..this man...so...hot...

But my heart belongs to another. Someone...hotter than him. This guy looks like a nerd.

"You can't-" I throw off his hand. "touch me! My heart belongs to someone else." His face falls. "Really?"

"Yes. He's...hotter than youu. And I think he loves me."

"Well, good luck with him."

"I'll tell you who it is, but keep it a secret, okay?" I giggle, then look at him in all seriousness.

"Alicia-"

"I love..."

The morning after

What happened last night?

My head is pounding. Horribly. And I can't remember anything after going to dinner.

I look down. I'm wearing a t-shirt and shorts, certainly not the black dress I wore last night. My heart rushes into a frenzy. Who changed my clothes? How did I get back to the hotel? Who was I with? What did I do?

Just how drunk was I?!

"Dante," I spoke in a hushed voice. "What happened last night?"

Dante's on his lunch break and my head still hurts a little bit, but it's a lot easier to walk around now as compared to this morning.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks.

"Yes now what happened last night?"

"You really can't remember?" he asks, an edge of amusement present in his tone.

"What does it look like?"

"We shot the restaurant and car scene. You drank Caribou Lou, remember? You were hopelessly drunk."

I pressed further. "And?"

"I led you back to your hotel room."

"Who fucking changed my clothes?"

"Ricoletta. It's Ricoletta."

The half-Italian girl who plays one of my friends. "Then?"

He hides a smile at the last second. "That's it."

"...No way."

"Yes way."

"I do not believe you for one second. I swear, the crew laughs when I pass by." There are a handful of scenes left to film, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle the torture for the rest of the month.

"They do? Same with me." "Dante!"

"That's all, I promise you."

"You may be an actor but I know when you're lying to me, Dante."

"I'm not."

"When will you ever speak the truth?"

"I am."

"Dante!"

I am so, so frustrated at this point I don't care about the headache. Right when I'm about to insult the son of a bitch, the director calls for him and it's my time to shut up.

"Later, Alicia. Get better soon!"

The fucker even has the nerve to skip away, leaving me alone looking like a total bitch with my eyebrows furrowed, eyes narrowed and arms crossed. This is not according to plan. Pretending to be drunk enough to probably confess is the plan. Instead, I actually got terribly drunk and the aftermath is a total pain to go through.

I hate you, Dante Ashford, and I will make you pay no matter how much I love you. "Please, please just tell me what happened," I shake his arm when we walk out from the dining room. Dinner was a loud mess (for me, anyway) and it was torture waiting for it to end just to talk to him.

"That's what happened. I gave you a water bottle, if that's what you want. Left a couple Advils on the nightstand, too."

"By the way you're acting, I can tell something else other than that happened." "You know? There might be."

My breath hitches. Dante's a gentleman, but there's always that one fear that could possibly happen whenever someone's intoxicated. "And that is?" He stays silent, looking at the scenery around him. I realize that we're near the pool, in an area a little bit secluded.

But the view, at this point, is beautiful.

The skyline is breathtaking. City lights illuminate the night, and I'm left speechless at the sight.

"Alicia?"

I tear my gaze away and look at him. We're close, closer than usual and soon it's just me, him and the pounding of my heart.

He plays with my braid, which has been tied ever since this morning. I frown slightly at him when he pulls the ponytail, letting my hair flow free in the wind. "Dante? Why did you--"

"Alicia, I like you."

My heart explodes. "Huh?"

"I felt a connection ever since we first met at university. I like you, Alicia. A lot. And I know you probably like someone else, but I just had to let you know." I. Can't. Breathe. And I can't believe it either. Somehow, Drunk Me didn't tell him I like him.

"What do you mean?”

"I touched your shoulder when I was telling you to fall asleep. You shoved it away and told me your heart belonged to someone else. Someone...hotter than me. You were going to say his name, but you passed out."

I bite my lip and exhale. I want to jump all over the place. The guy I love loves me back.

Poor Dante, though...the suspense must've killed him.

His eyes are hopeful as he takes my hands in his. "Please, say something."

I smile. Liberation is one of the best feelings in the world.

"I don't know who drunk me was thinking, but it's you that I like."

His grin makes everything I've been through worth it.

#love alcohol and movie sets #i'm drunk i love you #semi-fan fiction?

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weekendwarriorblog · 5 years ago

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The Weekend Warrior Reopen Movie Theaters Edition 8/21/20: UNHINGED, PENINSULA, THE ONE AND ONLY IVAN, WORDS ON BATHROOM WALLS, TESLA and More!

Well, this is the weekend when movie theaters are supposed to reopen, whether it’s some of the big chains like Regal or AMC, even though, Canada is well ahead of us, having opened about 300 theaters last weekend. A few of the movies in this week’s column will supposedly only be released only in theaters, while a few of them have already given up on theatrical to go the streaming route. I really don’t know what to tell you if you live in New York and L.A. except that pre-COVID, you used to get all the movies first, so I guess we better get used to things flipping thanks to the pandemic. Either way, there’s an INSANE number of new movies this week, and I’m going to do my best to cover all of them… or at least the ones that I know exist.

And then on top of all THAT, the annual Fantasia Festival in Montreal is starting this week in a virtual edition filled with literally hundreds of genre films, and lots of great films from Asia in particular, and man, I wish I had time to watch more of the movies they’re offering. I’ve only been up to Fantasia in person a few times, and both times were great experiences. Much of that has to do with the audience, which is mostly made up of college-age and older genre fans who enthusiastically lap up every minute of genre awesome that Fantasia delivers. Sadly, it’s very much the type of festival that benefits from being together in person, especially at the end of the night when filmmakers and fans alike converge on one of the local drinking holes.

One of the movies I did have a chance to watch was Justin McConnell’s Clapboard Jungle: Surviving the Independent Film Business, an intriguing doc that follows the director of Lifechanger on his five-year journey to get that movie made. It involves a lot of schmoozing and networking at festivals like Fantasia (in their Frontiéres market, which I’ve never attended) and Cannes, basically struggling to sell his ideas to financers and trying to focus on other ventures (like short films) in the meantime. It’s a sobering film for anyone wanting to become a filmmaker, because McConnell doesn’t leave any moment of utter heartbreak on the cutting room floor on his journey to make a movie that I have literally never heard of! So yeah, I guess calling your movie “Lifechanger” could end up being more ironic than you set out to, but what McConnell has in this movie is some great advice and anecdotes from some of the greatest horror filmmakers, including Guillermo del Toro, Richard Stanley, Larry Fessenden, Sid Haig, Mick Garris. I mean, if they’ve been involved in any aspect of indie horror over the past five years, they’re in this movie, and often, it’s more worthwhile listening to them than following McConnell’s own journey.

I hope to have more to say about Fantasia over the next few weeks as it runs through September 2, but I gotta get to the crazy number of movies opening this week, and again, a few of them are in theaters.

Speaking of movie theaters, Russell Crowe stars in the action-thriller UNHINGED (Solstice Studios), which will presumably ONLY be seen in movie theaters this weekend, reportedly 2,000 theaters that will not include either New York or California, the two biggest movie markets in the country. Sigh. Let’s just get on with this…

Directed by Derrick Borte (The Joneses), Crowe plays a violent and angry white man – can’t wait for THOSE think pieces, he said sarcastically – who is literally honked at by Caren Pistorious’ soon-to-be-divorced mother who is late bringing her son Kyle (Gabriel Bateman) to school. He does what every sane person would do… he proceeds to terrorize her, kill her loved ones and do everything he can to teach her a lesson. America, what a wonderful place, huh?

Those going to see this movie to literally watch Crowe come unhinged won't have to wait too long, as we meet his character as he’s attacking a family and burns down their house, before we’re subjected to an opening credit montage of the type of anger and violence that’s permeated this country over the past few years. We then meet Pistorius’ Rachel as she tries to cope while facing a divorce and trying to get her son to school when she has what would normally be a fairly innocuous encounter with Crowe’s character that drives what is clearly an already insane man over the endge.

There’s something about Unhinged that reminds me of the Michael Douglas movie Falling Down, but that’s only if you consider Crowe the protagonist of the movie, which I certainly don’t. That would be Pistorius’ character, who finds herself being tormented as this man starts following her around and making an already bad day even worse, just to make her feel as miserable as he does. Yeah, it’s not a great movie for current times, but you at least have to give it credit for having a title that gives you exactly what you’re paying to see.

Borte does a pretty decent job creating tension, although parts of it end up being unintentionally funny due to how over-the-top and absurd the whole thing is. At least it all builds up to an amazing final car chase, driven by David Buckley’s score, and that more or less makes up for how ridiculous the movie’s high concept premise gets earlier. While Unhinged has its moments of silliness, I honestly haven’t gotten as excited watching a movie over the past few months as I did watching it – your road rage may vary.

After opening in roughly 300 Canadian theaters last weekend, it will expand into North America in an estimated 2,000 theatres. Under most normal circumstances i.e. before March, I might try to predict how well it might do at the box office, I feel that the times have made it tougher or nearly impossible. (I’ll say it makes $2 to 3 million, just for a laugh.)

The movie I was MOST looking forward to seeing this week was Yeon Sang-Ho’s TRAIN TO BUSAN PRESENTS: PENINSULA (Well Go USA/Shudder), which as you may guess from the title is the sequel to his 2016 zombie flick, Train to Busan. This one takes place four years later as a group of Koreans that have evacuated to Hong Kong before the country was shut off from the rest of the world are sent back to retrieve a truck full of American money that could make them rich beyond belief. Not only do they have to contend with zombies but ruthless military gangs that make their mission more difficult.

Listen, Train to Busan was so good as its own standalone movie, we really didn’t need a sequel to see what was going on with that world, but Director Yeon clearly had some idea what that world might look like years later, and it’s a pretty scary place. Paying tribute equally to movies like The Road Warrior and Escape from New York, he decided to introduce some new characters and follow their journey. We meet Kim Do-won’s Cheol-min as he’s taking his wife and son to a ship that’s going to take survivors from the first zombie wave to Japan. Things don’t go as planned and Cheol-min is one of the few survivors thanks to his military brother-in-law Jung-seok (Dong-Won Gang), but the two end up stranded in Hong Kong as the borders of Korea are closed. Four years later, they’re given the incentive to go back to Korea to retrieve the money, and of course, things don’t go as planned. After being attacked first by zombies and then the gang-like military group Unit 631, led by Min-jae Kim’s Sgt. Kwang and Gyo-han Kwoo’s Captain Seo, Jung-seok is saved by two young girls (Re Lee, Ye-Won Lee) and their mother, played by Jung-hyun Lee.

That’s the basic set-up for a film that doesn’t quite measure up to Train to Busan, not because director Yeon wasn’t trying. He clearly didn’t want to necessarily copy exactly what he did in the first movie, but also, he wasn’t able to completely replicate that film’s magic either. A lot of that may be since the characters aren’t nearly as interesting; they’re tougher and far more able to fight off the zombie swarms, which lowers the stakes considerably. Setting the movie further into an apocalypse just means it’s going to tread familiar territory, particularly from things like The Walking Dead.

Despite what I said above about the characters, I generally liked the cast, especially the spunky young girls who took on zombies and militia men alike, but I’ll admit I got more than a little confused about the two main guys, the brothers-in-law. They look so different in the opening sequence, I couldn’t figure out which was which when introduced for the body of the movie. Since this movie mostly takes place at night, it’s also harder to see the brilliant work done by the FX people and zombie actors, which is still pretty amazing to watch.

Peninsula makes for a pretty decent throwback action flick, and you can’t completely fault it for not having as many emotional beats throughout, because the ending is so overflowing with feels, it’s obvious Director Yeon has succeeded again.

Disney+ is premiering the family film THE ONE AND ONLY IVAN on its Disney+ streaming service this Friday. Directed by Thea Sharrock (Me Before You), it stars Bryan Cranston as Mack, the ringmaster of a strip mall circus whose star attraction is the gorilla, “The One and Only Ivan!” (as voiced by Sam Rockwell). The circus isn’t doing as well as it used to, so Mack has bought a baby elephant named Ruby (voiced by Brooklyn Prince) as a draw for the show’s other elephant Stella (voiced by Angela Jolie). Ivan isn’t too thrilled with the show’s new attraction, but he has other things on his mind, including a pesky dog named Bob (voiced by Danny DeVito) and others voiced by Hellen Mirren, Phillipa Soo… and yes, you’re reading this right… Chaka Khan!

It’s based on the children’s book by Katherine Applegate, adapted by the always great Mike White, and while at first glance, it might seem like a dangerous meld of Tim Burton’s Dumbo with the early 2020 dog Dolittle, there’s a lot more at work here. Sure, there’s a lot of the typical Disney kiddie-related humor – fart jokes and other visual gags – but it’s really about these CG animals and their feelings about their situation, and the elements used to create them and make them feel are superb. Cranston also does a good job maintaining his composure while getting involved in some of the film’s silliness.

Of course, you could just “aww” over the adorable elephant Ruby (basically a miniature version of the Jolie-voiced Stella) or laugh at the antics of the other animals. My favorite was definitely the De Vito-voiced dog, Bob, who offers some of the best jabs and gags, which helps keep the tone from ever getting too heavy without losing the dramatic weight. The movie even takes a cue from Madagascar for one sequence, but either way, it will keep you and your kids entertained.

The entire movie is very emotional, especially the last twenty minutes that might make it hard from having a good old ugly cry. This is a truly wonderful family film and one of the weekend’s nicer surprises. (Note: I also did a more technical review of the movie about things like cinematography and visual FX over at Below the Line.)

This week’s “Featured Flick” is WORDS ON BATHROOM WALLS (LD Entertainment/Roadside Attractions), based on the novel by Julia Walton, which stars Charlie Plummer (Lean on Pete) as Adam Petrozelli, a high school senior who discovers he suffers from schizophrenia that is far worse than just the voices he hears. It gets him expelled, but knowing he wants to go to culinary school, Adam’s mother (Molly Parker) enrolls him at St. Agatha’s Catholic school, where he tries to keep his condition a secret while being tutored by a brainy and quite attractive classmate, played by Taylor Russell (Waves).

If you read last week’s column, you’ll already know my reticence towards young adult fare. Even with that in mind, I do enjoy coming-of-age tales, especially those set in or around high school, and then if you throw in a bit of religion, some foodie culture and a little tinge of humor, even while dealing with a serious subject, you’ll probably have me on board. That’s definitely true about this movie, adapted by Thor Freudenthal, who makes a smooth transition from kiddie fare to older kiddie fare with a really unique look at one young teen’s journey through an important moment in his life while dealing with a condition that some are never able to overcome.

Having not read the original book or anything about the movie before seeing it, I was a little surprised when things go haywire in Adam’s science class, since I thought maybe he was a mutant. We then meet three characters who will follow him around (at least in his head) for much of the movie, played by Anna Sophia Robb, Devon Bostick and Lobo Sebastian, each representing a part of Adam’s psyche: kind of like the devil and angel telling you what to do in any given situation. It’s quite witty and a clever way to bring some humor into many scenes, particularly Sebastian’s role as “The Bodyguard,” carrying a baseball bat, ready to attack anything that keeps Adam from achieving his goal of being a chef. I loved how the three characters interplayed as a Greek chorus with what was happening.

Adam eventually meets Russell’s Maya, the perky, snarky and super smart St. Agatha’s Valedictorian, who he convinces to tutor him in math, while also trying to hide his biggest secret from her. As Adam starts taking a new medication, the voices and his companions start disappearing, but he also learns there are negative side effects. There was a lot to enjoy about this movie, but it was particularly interesting how Freudenthal uses sound and CG FX to recreate what’s going through Adam’s mind when he’s off his meds.

The film coasts gracefully on the general likability of both Plummer and Russell during the highs and lows of their relationship, but I also enjoyed the adults cast around them, including Molly Parker as his mother, Walton Goggins as her overly-cloying live-in boyfriend, and Andy Garcia as a compassionate padre, who all have great scenes with Plummer, bringing many more layers to the characters and story than we normally might get.

Words on Bathroom Walls is an absolutely wonderful movie – for me, it’s this year’s Book Smart -- and a very pleasant surprise at a time when I’m super-cynical about movies that I’m forced to watch on my laptop. Besides being a really original coming-of-age film, it also finds a way to deal with schizophrenia in a head-on way that hopefully gets others to understand a mental illness that makes it hard to live a normal life.

Michael Almereyda writes, directs and produces TESLA (IFC Films), which as you may guess is not a biopic about Elon Musk, but is actually a very different biopic about inventor Nikola Tesla, as played by Almereyda regular, Ethan Hawke. The film follows Tesla through his early relations with Thomas Edison (Kyle MacLachlan), George Westinghouse (Jim Gaffigan) but more importantly the women, including Anne Morgan (Eve Hewson), who narrates the semi-fictionalized account of Tesla’s life.

If you saw last year’s The Current War, you may be wondering why we need another movie about Nikola Tesla that covers some of the very same ground. I’ll get to that in a moment. Using IMDB, I can probably figure out how many movies Almereyda and Hawke have made together, but I’d have a harder time figuring out if Almereyda has made a single movie I’ve liked, and believe me, I’ve tried. That’s partially what makes Tesla such an interesting endeavor, since it might be Almereyday’s most daring and accomplished work to date.

You have to assume The Current War was already made and out there by the time Almereyda even started making this since that played at Toronto many years ago. Apparently, Almereyda had his own vision and decided to make it, undaunted, because this is certainly a rather unique take. It’s narrated by JP Morgan’s youngest daughter Anne, played by Hewson, but she does so in a way that’s almost out of time, even mentioning Google. For the most part, Almereyda and his cast stick with the period, but there are definitely a few moments like that where it veers into an almost surreal fictionalized version of events.

What really makes Tesla standout is the subdued performance by Hawke where he never goes overboard with Tesla’s Eastern-European accent (unlike Tesla’s associate Szigeti who often sounds like Borat). More importantly, Almereyda decides to tell Tesla’s story through his tentative relationship with women. You see, he never got married, and yet, he meets all these beautiful women along the way who have an impact on his life and career, mostly Anne who provides him with her father’s money but also the intriguing actress Sarah Bernhardt (played by Rebecca Dayan) and others. There are still some of the other players like Edison (played by Kyle MacLachlan) and though I like the interesting turn in Jim Gaffigan’s career into dramatic roles, I did prefer Michael Shannon as George Westinghouse in The Current War.

Regardless, Tesla is just such a gorgeous film that delivers a biopic unlike others using a very distinctive tone, maybe even with a nod or two to David Lynch, and that’s what helps set it apart from Almereyda’s previous work.

Wu-tang Clan founder The RZA directs his third movie, CUT THROAT CITY (Well GO USA), a crime-drama set in post-Katrina New Orleans, starring Shameik Moore (Dope) as James aka Blink, a cartoonist from the Lower 9th Ward, who, along with three of his drugdealer buddies (Denzel Whitaker, Demetrius Shipp Jr, Keean Johnson), are coerced by T.I.’s vicious druglord, “Cousin” Bass, into robbing a casino that puts them in the crosshairs of the local police and others.

There’s something on paper about this movie, written by P.G. Cuschieri, that seems a little been-there done-that, although the cast The RZA has put together – including Ethan Hawke, Rob Hunter, Wesley Snipes, Isaiah Washington and Terrence Howard – some in smaller roles – is just so impressive you just can’t ignore it. RZA is also working with a decent script, one with a few tonal and pacing issues, but also one tht maintains a youthful energy that feels authentic to the time and place.

It takes a little time to get to the actual heist, which paves the way for everything else that happens, including a few deaths. It’s after that where we meet Detective Lucida Valencia (played by Eiza González), who is trying to solve the case of the casino robbery, as more parties get involved, including a City Councilman played by Hawke and some of their fathers. Rob Hunter is fantastic as Blink’s father, who delivers some mighty fine scenes, but others, like Snipes and Howard, have fairly small roles. At first, Hawke’s role seems like a mere cameo, but when he returns almost an hour into the movie, he delivers quite an impassioned monologue that proves his worth in any sized role. It’s a sign of a good director to cast such great actors them step aside an let them do their thing.

Cut Throat City is definitely one of those movies that gets better as it goes along, although it’s by no means an “action movie” in terms of how it deals with the situation in New Orleans that turns so many young men like James/Blink to crime to earn a living. It sometimes gets bogged down in its dialogue and drama and things might not come together as well as hoped, but right now, as a director, the RZA might end up being the unlikely successor to the Singleton legacy.

Jay Baruchel adapts the comic book RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE (Shudder) by Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray. It follows Todd Walkley, a graphic novel writer played by Jesse Williams, who goes on a road trip with his wife Kathy (Jordana Brewster), for them to follow the trail and study the murders of the serial killer that inspired Todd’s hit comic book character “Slasherman.” Along for the journey is Todd’s best friend Ezra (Baruchel) and art assistant Aurora (Niamh Wilson).

Although I had read the original comic book on which this is based, it was a long time ago. I clearly forgot how dark it was, especially since in this case, the quartet’s story starts in far lighter and fun way. I assume Baruchel and his co-writer Jesse Chabot did this intentionally. It isn’t long before a killer in a welder’s outfit starts brutally killing people and leaving the bodies where our heroes can find them. Turns out that it’s a copycat who is recreating the murders in Todd’s comic.

Baruchel does a decent job with his second feature as a director, which is surprising since his first movie was a hockey comedy, which would have been right up his wheelhouse. Goon: Last of the Enforcers also was tougher since it was a sequel to a really good movie, but Baruchel shows that he has a real handle on horror, especially when it comes to making it as disturbing as anything out there. He has able help in cinematographer Karim Hussain, who gives the film such a stark look with bright green and red lighting, as well as the make-up FX team who create some truly grotesque murder victims.

I’m not usually a fan of slasher films so much, but Random Acts of Violence takes the interesting spin on the genre from the comics and adds new elements that really elevate the original story. (For one, Niamh Wilson’s character was terrific, and she’s completely original to the movie.) These elements and just the overall look and tone makes Baruchel’s adaptation one of the more effective horror films I’ve seen this year.

Indie filmmaker Aaron B. Koontz (Camera Obscura) returns with his second feature, the horror-Western THE PALE DOOR (RLJE Films/Shudder). It’s about two brothers, Duncan Dalton (Zachary Knighton) and his younger brother Jake (Devin Druid), who lead a motley group on a failed bank robbery. After Duncan is injured, they find a girl named Pearl chained in the wilderness, and they follow her back to a ghost town to get Duncan medical aid where they’re brought to a brothel that turns out to be a coven of witches.

I don’t want to fully shit on this movie, because it has a few elements of merit, but honestly, none of them show up until roughly 51 minutes into the movie when it transforms from a fairly lame Western into a semi-decent horror flick. The movie is co-written by Keith Lansdale, who you might guess is the son of Joe R. Lansdale (an EP on the movie), who is kind of legendary for his horror-Westerns. Instead, The Pale Door spends the first half following overused Western tropes but not particularly well-written ones, and everything just looks too clean and bright without the grit that’s necessary to make a Western work. Granted I’ve seen a LOT of Westerns in my day but there are so many great ones even of similar budget, like Ti West’s In a Valley of Violence, so there’s little excuse for how badly this one falters.

Amidst the mostly bad cast, Koontz does have a few ringers like Pat Healy (from Ti West’s The Innkeepers!) and Stan Shaw, the latter as Lester, the former slave who becomes a substitute father for the brothers and who has some great moments in the last half of the movie. After the big reveal of the witches, things do generally get better and the ending is quite touching, as it strikes a nice note about brotherhood. But all of the stuff up until that point just isn’t very good on so many levels. It’s almost as if Koontz was learning how to make a movie while actually making the movie. (This is something more common on someone’s first movie, though.) Even the fact this movie is basically about brave men fighting evil women just isn’t a particularly good look for a movie right now. The Pale Door is a movie that needed to be better from the jump, and also get to some of the more exciting and gory stuff faster, since it’s just going to lose too many people before it finally shakes things up.

Actor Peter Facinelli (from The Twilight Saga, among other things) writes and directs the suspense thriller, THE VANISHED (Saban Films), starring Thomas Jane and Anne Heche of a ten-year-old girl, Taylor, who disappears while they’re RVing at a lakeside camp, causing them to do all sorts of unexpected things in order to find her.

I’m not sure whether I was more surprised that this was based on true events before or after actually watching it, because this movie gets pretty cray-cray, and that’s in the same week where we have Russell Crowe in Unhinged! Unfortunately, Facinelli’s sophomore effort as a filmmaker – that seems to be a theme this week -- comes across like a bland TV movie that doesn’t offer anything new from ‘90s thrillers like Fatal Attraction or I Know What You Did Last Summer, other than maybe some overacting from Heche or general sleaziness from Jane. It also stars a barely-recognizable ‘90s star Jason Patric as the town sheriff trying to find the couple’s daughter along with his deputy (Facinelli, who else?).

Very quickly, the couple get so desperate to find their daughter they start killing anyone they think might be responsible. By an hour into the movie, everyone is still a suspect, including the guy who runs the camp who (just by coincidence) happens to be part of a pedophile ring. UGH. The problem is that Facinelli throws red herring after the red herring at the viewer, leading up to one of the biggest “What the Holy F?!” endings that would likely make Shyamalan proud. The Vanished wears out its welcome pretty quickly and just leaves you wondering how much of it is true… and mind you, this is in a week where we have a movie with a talking gorilla, who also happens to be an artist… and that’s also based on a true story!

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to get to some of these other movies or won’t have time to review, and hopefully you’ll check some of them out.

A genre film that looks pretty cool is Jimmy Henderson’s THE PREY (Dark Star Pictures) that follows Xin (Gu Shangwei), a Chinese undercover cop on a secret mission who ends up in a remote Cambodian jungle prison where the warden (Vithaya Pansringarm from Only God Forgives) sells his prey to rich hunters looking to go after “the Most Dangerous Game.” Yup, this is the second movie this year (after The Hunt) inspired by that short story. I’ll try to add some thoughts if I have a chance to see it before week’s end

Oscar-winning BlackKklansman writer Kevin Willmott writes and directs THE 24th (Vertical Entertainment) is about the all-black Twenty-Fourth United States Infantry Region and how 156 African-American soldiers held a mutiny in Houston as protest to the violence and abuse at the hands of the city’s police. The film stars Trai Byers, Bashir Salahuddin, Aja Nomi King and Thomas Haden Church.

Bummed I didn’t get to watch Thom Fitzgerald’s STAGE MOTHER (Momentum Pictures) in time to review since it has such a great cast that includes Lucy Liu, Jacki Weaver, Andrian Grenier and Mya Taylor from Tangerine. Weaver plays Maybelline, a Texas church choir director who inherits her late son’s drag club in San Francisco so she goes there to save it from bankruptcy.

Of this week’s docs, I’m most interested in Barbara Koppel’s DESERT ONE (Greenwich), which looks at the 1980 rescue attempt by U.S. Special Forces to rescue American hostages held in Iran (as seen in Argo) with interviews with President Jimmy Carter, Vice President Walter Mondal, Ted Koppel and both hostages and hostage takers. I haven’t had a chance to watch it, but Koppel is an amazing doc filmmaker, and I’m sure it’s a fantastic movie. Just need to find the time to watch.

I did get to watch Danny Wolf’s Skin: A History of Nudity in the Movies (Quiver Distribution), which not only has the most self-explanatory title of any doc ever made but is also quite comprehensive in covering how nudity has been used in movies going all the way back to the pre-Code and silent film days. No surprise that Wolf is the director of the highly-enjoyable Time Warp: The Greatest Cult Films of All Time series, because he gets just as many interesting names and faces on this movie, including Malcolm McDowell, Peter Bogdanovich, Pam Grier, Amy Heckerling and more. This is actually a really good doc for the cinephile completist who wants to know everything (or just watch) every semi-famous nude scene that people have been talking about over the past 100 years.

I didn’t have nearly as much interest in P. David Ebersole & Todd Hughes’s House of Cardin, which gets a virtual cinema release this Friday before its On Demand release on September 15. I’m just not into fashion. More my speed is Dana Brown’s new doc A Life of Endless Summers: The Bruce Brown Story (1091) about his father who became famous for his surfing movies. Also on Thursday, you can catch Ric Burns’ doc Oliver Sacks: His Own Life about the neurologist and storyteller on his battles with drug addiction and homophobia. If any of those names jump out at you, just go on Google, and I’m sure you’ll find the movies.

Opening at the Metrograph for a one-week one as part of its Digital Membership (with a live screening with intro on Friday at 8pm Eastern) is a 2k restoration of Judy Irving, Chris Beaver and Ruth Landy’s 1982 film about the arrival of the nuclear age with the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. TONIGHT at the Metrograph is a special Live Screening of James Gray’s 2008 film Two Lovers, starring Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow with an intro by Gray tonight at 8pm Eastern. Remember, it’s only $5 a month and $50 a year for a Metrograph digital membership, which is a fantastic deal!

Also opening in Virtual Cinemas (including Film at Lincoln Center’s and other regional arthouses) this week is Marcell Jankovic’s Hungarian 1981 animated film Son of the White Mare (1981), getting its first ever U.S. release in a new 4k restoration made from the original 35mm print. FilmLinc will also show Robert Kramer’s 1990 doc Route One/USA about a five-month road trip from the Canadian border to Key West.

A few of the other movies out this week include Love Express: The Disappearance of Walerina Borowcyk (Altered Innocense), Jamie Patterson’s Tracks (1091), Mona Zandi Haghighi’s African Violet (Venera Films), Behind the Line: Escape to Dunkirk (Trinity Creative) and Watch List (October Coast).

Oh, also Christopher Nolan’s Inception is opening in some U.S. theaters as a 10th anniversary rerelease? Man, I miss 10 years ago.

On Netflix this week, you get Trish Sie’s The Sleepover, a family adventure-comedy starring Sadie Stanley and Maxwell Simkins as Clancy and Kevin, who discover their mom (Malin Akerman) is actually a high-end thief in the witness protection program. When she and their dad (Ken Marino) are kidnapped to commit one last job with her ex-beau (Joe Manganiello), they have to team-up to rescue their parents. There’s also the Argentine crime-drama The Crimes That Bind, starring Cecilia Roth, coming to Netflix Thursday, and the Indian gangster film Class of ‘83 coming Friday. Amazon will premiere Richard Tanne’s teen romance Chemical Hearts, based on the book “Our Chemical Hearts” by Krystal Sutherland, which stars Lili Reinhart and Austin Abrams.

Next week, more movies not in theaters, but also some movies in theaters! And others not in theaters, since I’m guessing the ones in New York will still be closed.

By the way, if you ever read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest

#TheWeekendWarrior #Movies #Reviews #Unhinged #Peninsula #Tesla #ThePaleDoor #TheVanished #WordsOnBathroomWalls #RandomActsOfViolence #CutThroatCity

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xastcriiax · 5 years ago

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The Breakup: Finn

Things had started going downhill a few weeks after the Rebel Army disbanded. What had been a house full of love, support, and understanding between Finn and Daniel turned into snide comments and all out fights. Finn knew why, of course. They’d both been involved in the whole Rebels vs. C.A.R.M.A civil war at one point or another. While Daniel fought as a Rebel Nova, Finn served justice as Phantom and the two of them shared that in common. The nights one of them came home battered and bruised from a fight would result in sweet kisses, relaxing baths, and tending the wounds while fondly calling each other an idiot. They’d curl up on the couch together, share stories of their adventures with wine and laughter, and all their previous worries for each other would melt away knowing they were safe.

Without the Rebel Army, those nights disappeared.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), Daniel was far more adaptable than Finn. He’d quickly settled into his new Rebel-less role, returning to his job at Bates Publishing, and acting as if the last few years hadn’t left him traumatized in some shape or form. Finn had admired that strength about him; he wished he could have come out of C.A.R.M.A the same way. Their experiences in the war had differed greatly. Daniel wanted to forget the bad and focus on the good that came out of it while Finn couldn’t forget any of it. It was hard to forget the years of torture and brainwashing from Commander Bradbury to turn him into the perfect weapon. He just knew he’d never be the way he was before C.A.R.M.A.

For Daniel, there seemed to be no end in sight to Finn’s vigilantism and the worry and stress he bore. Every night he’d grow a little more disapproving when Finn would put the mask on and teleport out. Eventually Finn felt he had no other choice but to lie to Daniel. He couldn’t hide that he was going out as Phantom since the news had started covering any and all stories about the Hero Squad in Pansaw. He’d sneak out when his fiancé was sleeping or not paying attention, figuring he could ask for forgiveness later.

It was one fall night when Daniel couldn’t take it any more.

Finn had left his fiancé on the couch to quickly change into his alter-ego Phantom. He’d gotten a text from Kelli that there was some robbery in progress down in Lompico. It was movie night, but he’d seen this one before, and a robbery would only take him about twenty minutes. He’d be there and back in no time and just tell Daniel his mom wanted to talk. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d snuck out like this.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard his boyfriend clearing his throat from the door behind him.

“Going somewhere, Finn?”

“Uh ––” Well shit. There was no point in lying here now. He’d been caught redhanded. Finn turned to Daniel with a sheepish grin, still holding his mask in his hand. “I was just...going out for a quick thing. I promise I’ll be back in a few minutes ––”

“It’s date night,” Daniel reminded him in a stern tone, his eyes narrowing. He was obviously pissed; Finn could never remember seeing him this mad before. At least towards him.

“I know, and I’m sorry, but I have to ––”

“No, you don’t have to do anything!” Daniel snapped. “No one is holding a gun to your head and making you go out and do this stuff. You can easily leave this to the others to handle in the field.” He took a deep breath before continuing, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Finn, I love you. And I want to support you, but sometimes I feel like you cherish being Phantom more than our relationship lately.”

Finn’s eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. “That’s...that’s not true,” he said, immediately thinking back on the last few months as he tried to search for proof to that statement, but Daniel beat him to it.

“I know you’ve been sneaking out! You just tried to get out of date night. You’ve been going behind my back and thinking I’d be too dumb to notice, haven’t you?”

He couldn’t refute that. And Daniel just kept going.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Finn,” he continued, “But I don’t think I can keep up the paranoia or worry that you might not come home one day. The war is over, babe. We can have our normal lives now.” Daniel’s eyes were brimming with tears now, desperately looking at Finn. “I need you to choose. It’s either me or Phantom, Finn.”

All Finn would do was stare at his fiancé in total shock, his mouth opening and closing while he struggled to find the words. His heart sank into the pit of his stomach, clenching tightly around it while he bore the weight of probably the most difficult decision in his life. How was he supposed to choose between the love of his life and the thing he loved doing most?

“That’s not fair, Danny...”

“I know it’s not,” Daniel swallowed thickly, “But I can’t think of any other way to get you to stop. You’re addicted, Finn.”

“I am not!” The denial felt wrong even passing through his teeth, and he hoped Daniel would believe him. He liked to think he could stop any time he wanted.

The other Meta stood tall and crossed his arms over his chest. “Then prove it. Come back to the couch and let’s finish the movie,” he said, his gaze softening a little. “Please, Finn.”

Finn had no idea what to do or say here. As much as he wanted to rejoin Daniel on the couch, his head kept screaming he needed to join Kelli out in the town. He needed to put those criminals away to make amends for his own crimes against innocent lives in C.A.R.M.A. He glanced between his boyfriend and the window like a dog stuck between choosing which owner he loved more. Eventually, his gaze settled on the window and he fastened his mask over his eyes. “I’m sorry, Danny, I already told them I was on it. I promise, I’ll be back in a few minutes, and we can talk ––”

“Don’t worry about it,” his boyfriend said coldly, “Go do whatever you have to do.”

He lingered for a moment before Finn teleported out of the apartment to join Kelli and the rest of the group in Lompico. The mission had been a success and he was back home in precisely twenty minutes, as he’d predicted. When he landed in the living room, all the lights and the TV were off. Strange, he thought.

“Danny?” he called out. The only response he got was from Max padding out of the kitchen and peering at him through the doorway. Finn walked over to give him a pat on the head and he saw something on the counter. It was a note in Daniel’s handwriting along with his engagement ring. As he read it, his hand shook and tears welled in his eyes while his pup whined at his feet, sensing something was wrong.

They were done.

#p: the breakup #self para;; finn #under read more cause it got kinda long #thanks tristan for inspiring this instead of replies lol

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letsprayitwritesitself · 7 years ago

Text

cut you a piece

(warning for fic and song: mention of character death and car accident)

Davey never beat him home. And they never forgot to switch the light off. So when Jack got home from the studio to see a thin sliver of light escaping under their door, his stomach sank and he had to take a minute or so to prepare himself before going back into the apartment he shared with the love of his life.

He held his keys in his pocket, rested his forehead on the door, and let out a long, quiet, sigh.

Rewind to that morning. 8am. It was Monday, and both of their first days back after the accident. Any day would have felt too soon, they knew that, but that morning, trying to return to the actions they'd been able to do so unconsciously just a couple of weeks before - Davey's alarm waking them both up, Jack hitting the shower while Davey made them both coffee, then Jack making breakfast while Davey showered and the coffee cooled - seemed impossible. Today Davey had almost managed the coffee, dedicating himself as much as he could to at least the motions of normalcy, albeit adapting them a little to include standing at the sink staring out the window for five minutes while the water ran over his coffee cup until Jack, warm and damp and solid, usually Davey's favourite vision in a white fluffy towel, came up behind him, kissed him lightly on the back of his neck, turned off the tap and whispered to Davey not to worry about it.

Out of the shower Davey returned to the kitchen where one plate of toast sat on the table between two cups of coffee.

'I really can't eat anything,' Jack confessed as Davey sat down, gripping the still too hot coffee cup tight. Davey nodded, knowing that if he tried to force any food down past the lump in his throat into his constantly twisted stomach, he'd probably throw up.

They ran through their days - Jack out at a couple of shoots that morning before an afternoon spent developing prints, and then maybe picking up some food for the two of them that evening. Davey the usual, work at the paper from eight thirty til six, home by six thirty, hopefully. Almost back to normal.

Because they had even managed to laugh that weekend, something that had once been unthinkable. It was at a dumb inside joke that had surprised them both. That had happened a couple of times since Spot's funeral, only a couple, and each time they were struck silently horrified and ripped apart by guilt at the idea that they could fathom lightheartedness in such a time.

'He would be glad that we're able to laugh,' Jack had murmured into the darkness where they lay next to each other, chasing sleep the night before.

'He would say that he'd be angry. If he knew what was going to happen he'd say... y'know. If you guys don't cry for weeks or whatever I'll haunt the fuck out of you.'

'I know he would. But you know that he wouldn't mean a word of it. And if it had happened to - to anyone else, he'd... not make 'em laugh, let's not go crazy, but... he'd tell them that however they felt, however long it had or hadn't been after the thing - the way they felt was exactly okay. Including finding laughter in the weeks afterwards. Can't predict this, can we? Any of it.' And Davey had nodded then let out a huge deep shuddering sob, staying quiet and shaking against where Jack now held him to his chest.

Clearly things weren't quite back to how they were before, and obviously could never be. It might get easier, but it may not ever go away. The air was still full of enough grief to make them choke if they thought about the wrong thing, but it was a pollution they were finding incrementally easier to navigate each day.

So back to work, because compassionate leave only stretched so far. Jack, a photographer, had cancelled a couple of weeks of shoots, but the paid gigs wouldn't always wait for him, and at least through his camera lens he had control of what happened. Davey, a section editor at a local magazine, at least had paid leave, but also a team of people to instruct, and about eighteen separate deadlines looming. He had fired off the odd work email but he could tell that his colleagues initially impassioned "Don't worry about us until you feel better" replies were getting sparser and less emotive, and after too long a boss who was going through a terrible time just became something of a nuisance, and he didn't need that guilt on top of everything else.

Still, he did not want to go in.

They sat silent, opposite one another, and Davey felt conflicted in needing to reach out and hold Jack, but knowing that if Jack so much as glanced at him kindly, he'd implode.

'Right.' He pushed the cup away. 'I guess I need to - go.' He stood up, heading over to the front door in a trance, and Jack followed, handing Davey his bag and pulling him in by the lapels of his coat.

'I'll see you tonight.'

'See you tonight.'

'I love you.'

'I love you too -' He punctuated his reply by grabbing Jack in a hug, hiding his face in his neck. Jack brought a hand up to the back of Davey's head, holding him there, stroking his hair, waiting.

The night before, Davey had continued their conversation with 'The thing is... I'm - I'm almost reluctant to let go of the pain. Do you know what I mean? It hurts, and I feel it every second, and I can't focus on anything else, but when it starts to go... am I losing him all over again?'

'He's not there in that pain, babe, you know that. He's in your head, your memories. Your inside jokes.' Jack had stammered out the words into the top of Davey's head, almost inclined as per usual to agree with his boyfriend's infallible if depressing logic.

'How do you always know what to say?' Davey rolled to the side so he could look at Jack, and as Jack answered he wiped the tears from under Davey's eyes with a fingertip.

'Learned it from you, didn't I?' He rested his hand on Davey's cheek. 'Dave. Please, if you want to laugh, don't push it down cuz you think that's what you need to do. Spot won't mind! You... You light up the whole room when you laugh. And we could use that.'

Back in the hall the next morning Davey stepped out of the hug, shaking his head, clearing his throat. 'Jeez. Not even out the door yet! Swear to god, if anyone at work is any nicer than normal I'll have a fucking... emotional breakdown or something.'

'If what you've told me about them is right then I'm sure you got nothing to worry about.' Jack wrapped a scarf round Davey's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. 'See you tonight.'

'Bye.'

So it wasn't that he didn't want to see Davey. Coming home to their place, their tiny one-bed with its beautiful ugly wallpaper and constant familiar smell of paint and laundry detergent - the tiny hallway and its side table where they kept keys, mail, all the little bits of shit that Davey wrote and Jack drew throughout the day, a safe place for the little things that meant everything - coming home to this apartment was a daily reminder of how lucky they both were, and how much they had going for them. If Jack had had a bad day, heck, even if they were fighting, this sanctuary had always been an instant comfort.

And then Spot died.

And all the good leaked out of the world.

Because up until that point... Everything had been going great. And not even the uncomfortable kind of great where they were sort of waiting for something to go wrong. Just. Good. When they got the call on a crisp Saturday afternoon in January, Jack and Davey had been at the movies doing all the awful couple stuff, holding hands, whispering in each other's ears, making out in the back row. They emerged squinting into the daylight to dozens of missed calls between them. Unease settling over him, Davey had called Skittery back, unconsciously reaching out for Jack's hand as he was delivered the news of Spot in a cab plus a drunk driver and really not much time at all before complete unresponsiveness.

The question of how Race was doing was too huge to contemplate.

His suffuse underlying happiness was always clear in the months leading up to the accident, because even though he and Spot barely called each other anything - boyfriends, partners, whatever - they were inextricably bound, no question. In the bar not too long after it happened Race had muttered to Jack that 'I didn't know if we were ever gonna... You know. Marriage, whatever. He's probably watching me say this now and cringing at me for acting so gay. But like. It was never any question whether or not we were in it for life. He was my person. Still is.'

The hardest part, then, was figuring out how they were supposed to keep going, how the world was just going to keep spinning despite the fact that something like this had happened. It wasn't ideal, hanging out in their apartment the whole time, letting themselves do nothing but think about Spot and how god damn unfair it was, but any time they attempted something else it would without fail end up in them reverting to that. Davey sitting in front of the washing machine, three folded t-shirts in his lap, one half done in his hands, himself totally lost in staring into the void of the drum trying to remember the last words he and Spot said to each other. Jack standing at the counter, one hand on the vegetable peeler and the other on a carrot, his attention utterly stolen by the contemplation of who was going to use Spot's Rangers tickets and why couldn't Spot have just fucking stayed alive. Time had helped, as it does, and let them relearn slowly how to keep living, but neither of them had lost a friend before. Grandparents, pets, sure. But wasn't a twenty three year old meant to be indestructible? How were they meant to go on?

The resistance Jack was feeling as he stood outside their door, both of them had felt when it came to Race. They knew as they visited him that they were walking in on someone whose very existence was in turmoil, and whose devastation underlay even his most innocuous chat, but they also knew that Race and Spot were a pair, so why the fuck was Race on his own. But they had to, so they did, and it had allowed them to start to shakily discover this new normal together - not being scared to smile for fear they weren't mourning enough, because they all knew too god damn well that they were all carrying black holes inside.

Yet, two weeks against the life of Spot Conlon was nothing

Jack opened the door slowly and entered the apartment. Davey's bag sat abandoned by the couch, his coat slung over the back. The lamp in the hall was the only light on, and through its hushed glow Jack could see that their bedroom door was ajar. He walked through.

The dim glow of the moon outside their window let him see that Davey lay face down on the bed, head resting on folded arms. His shoes were still on.

'Dave.' He had no idea how long he'd been there so muted his voice, not keen on scaring him. He took a couple of steps towards the bed, trying to figure out if his love was asleep, or didn't hear, or was ignoring him. When he reached the foot of the bed he pulled Davey's shoes off for him, dropping them on the floor and climbing on the bed, steadying himself with a gentle hand on Davey's thigh.

'Davey.'

He lay down on his side, head propped up on one hand, the other reaching out to rub Davey's back. Finally, finally Davey moved, shifting slowly back into Jack's embrace so Jack's chest was flush and warm against his back, Jack's arm effortlessly circling round to find his hand and clasp it against his heart.

'I'm. I'm broken.'

Jack squeezed him close, nuzzling his nose into the mess of hair at the back of Davey's head.

'You're not.'

'I can't do anything.'

'You can, Dave. You did.'

'I didn't. I left.'

'When?'

'Four.'

'That doesn't count! That's not leaving, Dave, that's...'

'Leaving?'

'What happened?'

'I was... fine. Kind of. If I focused really hard. I thought... If I acted normally, they'd treat me normally.'

'Did they?'

'Yeah. And no. Some of them seemed to think... that I'd been on vacation.' He cleared his throat, voice trembling a little. 'That I'd used the Spot thing to - you know? But I thought - like, it's fine. I don't care, let them think whatever. But then Oscar, that guy - seemed to have saved up all his energy from the last two weeks, and at about three forty five just lay it all on me. Really kind of - stuff he didn't need to say. About how he stepped up while I was gone. What needed to be done today. How at first I'd let them down by disappearing but um... How they'd ultimately been fine. Started listing all this stuff that he would have taken care of, he said, but wasn't senior enough, talking and talking, slamming pieces of paper on my desk, and I - left. While he was talking.'

'You left?'

'Yeah.'

‘While he was talking?’

‘Yeah...’

'Babe, I'm so proud of you!'

'It was - fuck, so cowardly.'

'No, shut up. Tell me more.'

'I just. I couldn't physically face another second of his shit. Jack, I think I need help. Professional help.'

'We can find some.'

'I can't find meaning in anything outside of this apartment. I can't, and I don't think that's how I'm supposed to be.'

'Look, the Spot thing - it really puts everything in perspective, right? I am so so proud of you for being a big shot editor, but all that shit. It's not important if you don't want it to be.'

'That's it. I just looked at him and I kind of - like... he has no idea. And I didn't feel like explaining.'

'You don't have to.'

'I know.' Davey sniffed and kissed the back of Jack's hand before shifting round to face him. 'Shit. How was your day?'

'It was a day. It was fine. I got a little wavy when - I was doing this headshot session uptown and we passed a building that almost kinda looked like where Spot used to live which, it turns out, is enough to get me going. But it was... Fine.' He ran a fingertip down Davey's cheek, over his lips, off his chin, surveying the sullen, pale skin of his face. 'It's gonna get a little easier every day. But we need to get through the shit ones first.'

'I love you, Jack.'

'Love you too, kid.' He kissed Davey on the forehead, then the tip of his nose, then his lips, slow and quiet and long. 'What do you wanna do now?'

'I wanna... Say one more thing. If that's okay. Then we can stop lying here in the dark.'

'Of course it's okay.'

'It sounds so, so selfish, when I try and say it out loud. But I've been thinking that however I feel now, and in the near future, and fuck it, even the distant future - it's never ever going to feel right. I'm always going to find something wrong with how I react. So then if everything is wrong anyway, can I just do what feels right at the time?'

'Yeah. Yes, of course, Dave.'

'Because - this isn't about us, this whole sorry situation, it's not ours - but it is. Because I love you. Because I realised since Spot went, that you... are... a part of me. Whenever you leave the house, or you're at work late, or even in the bathroom when we're at a restaurant - I feel you gone. Inside. I cut you a piece of me. And when I'm with you, even lying here, touching you, I'm terrified that I could lose you, in a year, or in ten years, or in sixty. I never thought that you could be half a person until I found you, and found the rest of me. And it would be easier not to think that, but here we are.'

He cupped Jack's cheek with a shaky hand, wiping away the tears that had started rolling down Jack's face with the pad of his thumb, before continuing:

'When I was at work today, and all that meaningless shit was happening right in front of me - all I could think about was how I hoped you knew. I know tomorrow or the next half hour or whatever isn't guaranteed. And I feel like I'm never going to find the right time to do this, not so soon after Spot dying, but then - it's how I feel, so I just need to say it, because its what's important right now - fuck. Jack, will you marry me?'

Jack's eyes widened momentarily, then scrunched shut as he bit his lip and fought back moretears. He nodded frantically, covering Davey's hand with his and leaning in so their foreheads rested against each other.

'We don't have to tell anyone just yet - and maybe we shouldn't - but I just think - I need you to know, that - you're everything. Jack, you're everything -' His words were muffled as Jack pulled him in for a searing kiss, and he laughed into Jack's mouth, surprisingly, horribly giddy, but riding it this time rather than trying to send it away.

'Of course I'll marry you, Dave, god - I'll marry you tomorrow, or yesterday, fuckin - get our marriage back dated to the day we met. God damn it. I love you.'

'I don't have a ring.' He was crying too now, of course, but full of a soaring joy, and overwhelming sorrow, and sheer love and affection and god, he was so glad he could lay all his broken parts out for Jack to see. 'Or champagne. Or anything, I just thought - words. As long as you know. And we can do the rest later.'

'Later.' Jack nodded, stroking a fingertip over the last joint of Davey's ring finger. 'I'll give you the whole rest of my life, Dave. We've got forever.'

#newsies fic #newsies #jack kelly #davey jacobs #javid #hey its me guess whos been working on groundhog dave not #jk ive started it but i was sosososos keen to write this after seeing 35mm #i am also working on a make me happy one but i thought do sad one first then cheer ppl up!!!!!#anyway i'm super bummed out now but i hope you like this

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