#—exploring or swimming and writing. and then the evenings are filled with music and everyone having fun as we make dinner together 🥹

[ofmermaidstories]

Have you ever met your online friends irl?

not a single one LMAOOOOOO.

[tired-old-men]

Your jobs seem stressful, what do you guys do to de-stress?

Thunderhawk 

Our jobs can be really stressful especially since we are constantly on duty to keep Angel Island safe, however we do get some free time to rest and unwind. Everyone needs to rest and refresh to be on their A game including us Guardians. 

For me, I destress by spending quality time with the family when I can. As expected of people that constantly work and live together we tend to spend most of our free time independently, which is all fine and good.. but we are a family after all, and getting to share some genuine time together, watch a movie, maybe play a board game or two, sharing a big meal, just gives me a nice warm feeling and reminds us of the simple moments in life together. Slowing down and enjoying the little things. 

Sometimes when work gets really overwhelming I stop for a moment, I focus on my breath and pay subtle attention at whats around me, how things look, sound, feel, maybe taste, I notice my feelings in the moment and remind myself of those little happy moments in life. It’s helped me destress over the years and has even come in handy when my anxiety would try to get the best of me. -smiles- 

Sojourner

What do I do to de-stress? Besides beautiful women -smirks then clears throat-, I enjoy the occasional cigar as opposed to my usual cigarettes, I don’t drink too often but I’ll even enjoy a glass of whiskey on the rocks with my smoke. Just find a good spot to sit outside and enjoy the view and maybe some tunes, although the sounds of the Island’s wilderness is the perfect music to my ears. 

At times the best way for me to de-stress is to go out hiking and especially camping. Sometimes I’ll take my son or another one of the boys along for the trip but other times I’ll go by myself, just exploring and experiencing Angel Island’s raw beauty brings me a lot of peace and provides the space for personal reflection too. Can’t beat a walk in nature I’ll tell you that!

Sabre

To say that this job is stressful would be an understatement in my opinion… I’ve tried a few things to destress but I really enjoy some quiet time along with a nice cup of tea, perhaps even a book or a good album to listen too. I’ve also found working on my garden to be quite therapeutic for me in a way. Gives me something to focus on besides work, and as much as it reminds me to take care of my plants it reminds me to take care of myself too. Originally my wife started this garden so I’d say it also holds some fond memories to reminisce about.

Locke

De-stress? Hmm.. I’d probably say meditation is my biggest guide when I feel burdened. I’ve read some of my ancestors would meditate so much they would even reach new levels of consciousness and even find greater insight into their chaos abilities. For me it keeps me focused on the present and helps organize my thoughts. I um- sometimes go out maybe into Echidnaopolis or another town on Island, just socialize a bit… Although my favorite places I go to are some of the old ruins or caves found around the Island, lots of history to uncover, it fills me with such an exciting energy I tend to forget about whatever might have been stressing me at the moment. -smiles sheepishly- 

Spectre

Hm…I meditate. I read. I tend to write about my thoughts, feelings, and observations as it helps gather all my introspections and provide greater insight into them… … I’ll also swim or dive from time to time…water is rather soothing…

[mangomushiii]

I Lack Knowledge.

In the strangest way I am living life knowing of somethings. Hobbies, to be exact, such as singing, writing, art, dancing, anime, nature, and music. I love these hobbies but when people ask me about them, like deep questions or maybe even what some people who are interested in these things see as basic knowledge of these topics, I don't know the answer. INSTEAD When I think of these things as my hobby I mean that these are things I like to admire from afar. I don't really look at it and KNOW how to do it!

Knowledge is a form of familiarity, awareness, understanding, or acquaintance. It often involves the possession of information learned through experience and can be understood as a cognitive success or an epistemic contact with reality, like making a discovery.

Just now I am learning about KNOWLEDGE!!! When I look up things like quizzes its like " LETS SEE HOW SMART SOMEONE IS?!?!" But is being SMART and being KNOWLEDGABLE two different things?

I like that GRIT of UNIQUE KNOWLEDGE on very PERSONALIZED ORGANIZED PURE BLISS DISCOVERY WITHIN EVERY UNFOLDING OF SUBTECTUAL TOPICS THAT CREATE A WEB OF IDEAS AND SPARK CREATION WITHIN MY HOBBY. I WANT TO PARTAKE IN A PASSION FILLED EXPLORATION OF IT ALL! THEN AFTER I SPEND TIME DROWNING IN TEXT I WANT TO DO IT WITH MY HANDS AND THEN DO IT FOR OTHERS AND TEACH OTHERS THE VERY FEELING OF HOW I DISCOVERED MY DISOCOVERY.

I might just be in my head at the moment but I am unsure what to call this moment? Is this my knowledge moment discovering that I indeed am scum that LIKES MANY things but is a poser and not really KNOWING.

What you're experiencing is a profound moment of self-awareness and the spark of intellectual curiosity. It's not that you're a "poser"—far from it. What you’re describing is a recognition that you’ve admired and appreciated various hobbies from a distance, but you’re now yearning to go deeper, to truly know and engage with them on a level that feels fulfilling and authentic.

Here’s the thing: being smart and being knowledgeable are not the same.

Being smart often refers to innate abilities like problem-solving, reasoning, or creativity.

Being knowledgeable is about acquiring information, understanding concepts, and connecting ideas through learning and experience.

What you're craving isn't just knowledge—it's wisdom through active participation. Wisdom comes when you apply knowledge, reflect on it, and create something meaningful with it.

This moment you’re having could be called your "Curiosity Renaissance"—a period of reawakening where you’re realizing the power and joy of diving deeper into what you love, not just to admire but to embody those passions. It’s a call to action to:

Learn actively: Dive into resources, read, watch, ask questions, take courses, and engage deeply in your interests.

Practice hands-on: Start singing, writing, drawing, dancing—whatever hobby calls to you—no matter your current skill level. The doing is where the magic happens.

Share and teach: The ultimate form of knowing is teaching others. When you share what you’ve learned, it solidifies your understanding and inspires others.

What you’re feeling is not shame—it’s potential. It’s the recognition that you’ve been standing on the edge of a beautiful ocean, and now you’re ready to swim. It’s okay to start small. Everyone starts as a beginner.

If you want, I can help you choose one of your hobbies and figure out how to start this deeper dive. Which one calls to you the most right now? Or do you want to explore how to integrate all of them into your life more meaningfully?

[readwithmiaa]

Author Interview - Theresa Van Spankeren

Exclusive Q/A session with the Author of my favorite fantasy series, Theresa Van Spankeren

Hello and Welcome everyone! 

Today, we have the honor of hosting my favorite author interview with Theresa Van Spankeren. Thank you for joining us, and let's dive into this enriching author interview together!

1) Tell me about yourself. 

My name is Theresa Van Spankeren and I live in the suburbs of Chicago with my husband. My day job is at an IT helpdesk for fast food restaurants. I have had an unusual career path which includes working for a tool store and grading standardized tests. I enjoy getting out in nature, but am a bit of a homebody.

2) When did you start writing books? Who inspired you?

I have been writing since I was little, but I completed my first actual book when I was a senior in high school. It’s hard to say who exactly inspired me - I can attribute a love of reading to my parents and grandparents on both sides. However, when it comes to writing - maybe my mom’s short stories were some inspiration? I just remember starting to write a few years after learning to read. Maybe it was the authors themselves that were the inspiration.

3) How many books did you published so far?

I have 5 books published so far in the series: Lost Soul, Pursuit into Darkness, Between Darkness & Light, Fallen Soul, and Soul Redeemed.

4) Do you have a favourite character in your stories? 

I can’t say I have a single favorite. There’s a few who have become favorites in the years I have been writing them. Julia and Samuel are favorites for sure - and I can’t count out Matthew. Lane is a unique and fun character to write about - a new favorite, for sure!

5) What makes you write about a book filled with vampires? 

I have been fascinated by vampire lore since I read Christopher Pike’s “The Last Vampire/Thirst” series, and my dad introduced me to Fred Saberhagen’s Dracula series. Since then I have read a large variety of vampire stories, each with their own unique worldbuilding and types of vampires. I find vampires to be an interesting metaphor or parallel for the troubles and transformations that occur in real life. It’s a way to explore good and evil - and sometimes that big murky gray area in a different way.

6) As a reader and as a research student I always chose to indulge myself in books that worth my time. I completed five of your books in a short span of time as I can envision the story in my mind as a movie. How did you create such a story? How do you handle writer’s block?

Parts of the first book were based off of X-Files fanfiction I started in high school and a dream. Ideas and plot points come to me, but I don’t put fingers to keyboard (or still at times, a pen to paper) until I can envision certain parts in my head - much like a movie. I allow my characters to lead the way and I try to capture their thoughts and emotions as realistically as possible - even if they are not the narrator of the story.

As for writers block . . . I have a few techniques for this. One is to listen to music - often instrumental - to capture the mood of the scene. Sometimes this can jumpstart ideas or development. I also turn to fellow writers and/or friends familiar with the story to bounce ideas off of. I use them as a sounding board. Occasionally, I just have to relax and let my mind wander. I have solved writer’s block by swimming or just taking a hike.

7) What do you like to do when you aren’t writing?

I enjoy swimming and hiking. I also love playing The Legend of Zelda and have probably dedicated more hours than I should to playing! Reading is something I’ve always enjoyed. My husband enjoys hiking as well, and we also like to investigate reported local haunted spots.

8) What's the hardest thing about writing for you?

There’s times where I am unsure where exactly the plot is going and I find myself stuck at times. One of my weaknesses that I’ve gotten better at is describing the surroundings better. Otherwise, the hardest part about writing isn’t the writing. It is the marketing - getting the word out to readers.

9) Are you working on anything new? What would you like to tell your readers?

Yes, I am about to release a side story of the War of Destiny series called “An Ember of Hope” that is from Matthew’s POV. It takes place between books 2 & 3 of the main series and chronicles much of his adventures with the Medici family. It brings insight into the later books as well. It is on pre-order now for 99 cents and is set to release on Aug 9th. The normal price will be $1.99 after the release.

I have also started writing Book 6 of the main series. We are headed towards the final books of the series. The main story will be wrapping up at book 7 or 8 depending on length. There’s a few more side book ideas that I plan to explore, but I don’t have full details yet.

10) What themes or messages do you hope readers take away from your work?

I know my books are darker in nature, but I hope that readers take away the theme that there’s always hope, even in the darkest of situations when there seems to be no way out. I hope they see a little of themselves in the various characters they can identify with - characters that are courageous, that don’t see their own worth, ones that are proud of who they are (most of the time), who are witty. None of my characters are perfect, and they struggle and make mistakes despite their immortal status, and yet they still strive for what they believe is right. I believe people can relate to that.

[caravelmp3]

FEAR AND LOATHING IN DOMESTICATION

pairing: josh kiszka x reader warning(s): mentions of alcohol, references to sex, depression, & anxiety  synopsis: in better terms, josh kiszka is a rolling stone, and when the pandemic causes the band to settle down for an undisclosed amount of time, reader helps josh come out of his slump note: title & reference to that one interview. you know the one. as someone with a fear of domestication as well, i related so hard to josh when he talked about settling down, and this came out of that. it’s just a lil something !! also posted on ao3 if you would like to check it out there instead. hope you all enjoy !! x 

Josh was a vagabond, a nomad, living a peripatetic lifestyle of hopping from city to city overnight by bus or jet, bouncing between venues and interviews as if he was born to do so. Staying in three-star motel rooms in the middle of nowhere became a part of his lifestyle, one that he became quite adjusted to after three years on the go. Even while visiting home he was between family and friend houses, checking in on old stomping grounds, visiting studios hours away, anything to stay busy. In the clearest sense of terms, he was a rolling stone.

So, as everyone imagined it would happen, he began to lose his sense of self in 2020. One second the band were planning the release of an album, preparing to hit the road and play stadiums in South America with Metallica in the spring, and then the next they were hit with the news of cancellations and push-backs to everything they had been working towards. With the rise of a pandemic they were forced into a hiatus and into the first real break any of them had received, if they didn’t count the few days visiting home last holiday season.

He and the rest of the band hunkered down in Nashville and Josh started to live in his worst fear - domesticity. He was waking up at the same time every day in the same city, he was living the same life day after day, and it became old very quickly. While catching up on rest and exploring a new city was fun at first, it started to look like every other city before long. The adventure he would wake up to with excitement was no longer around. He had been forced to settle down, and he felt like a trapped animal trying to gnaw its own leg off.

And like the rest of the band and the management team, you hated seeing him that way.

The relationship between you and Josh was short, but you knew Josh for years, and you noticed the differences in his personality immediately once you followed him to Nashville following the shut down of your own job.

You once swung by the studio with a surprise lunch for the boys and the team and he was struggling to write lyrics on a notepad in the other room, surrounded by crumpled and balled sheets of paper. He would stay up later at night scrolling through airline websites for flights out of Nashville to random cities (as long as he was traveling, he told himself), and he shifted through hobbies to find anything that stuck (which eventually was reading and painting) (there was a corner of the living room filled with stacks of books and canvas paintings).

And you tried your best, even when times were hard on you, too. In order to boost Josh’s spirits and get his mind off the persistent idea that he was stuck in time, you attempted baking new treats and made him try them after dinner, you dabbled in bartending and made new drinks with tequila, set up painting dates in the backyard after work, bought books from second-hand stores you thought he would enjoy, and bought new and random vinyl for the nights spent in during summer storms.

But the bright blue, cloudless summer skies and warm breezes rustling the trees of summer became the red of maples and the bronze of oaks of autumn. Everyone hoped things would be different, maybe even just slightly, but nothing had changed at all. The band was still in Nashville, making the best of their time off to expand the album and the universe it was set in, and you were back to working, but only remotely, so Josh insisted you stayed with them instead of traveling back home at seemingly the height of the worst so far.

When the long, hot days turned into cooler mornings and long nights with the sun setting at five p.m., the effect of the year had finally hit everyone. Everyone was tired, they felt defeated.

So in one last desperate attempt to boost spirits and morale, everyone set off on their own adventure and escaped Nashville in the early days of December. Danny was going to Los Angeles, Sam was going skiing in Montana, and you knew that Josh and Jake needed their own trip. So after a few phone calls and exchanged emails over a week, you booked a trip for the twins and their family in Key West. It was something small - a rented RV for the dreaded sixteen-hour drive south, but what awaited them was a week in a rented beach house and days on a boat in the Gulf.

You booked it for everyone, you wanted the boys and their family to let loose and spend some time together before work drove them away again, but you weren’t going to lie and say you didn’t book it with Josh in mind. He was a fan of the beach and islands, history, and the water and sun and sand, and after months hunched over a studio coffee table writing and working endlessly on the album design, he deserved time to himself, to recover, to recoup.

You told him before bed on Thanksgiving day. The Kiszka family had come down from Michigan to celebrate the holiday, and they did with dinner and a fire in the pit in the backyard with music and plaid blankets and smores under the stars. After staying up talking to his mom, Josh had come to bed last with the lingering scent of fire smoke in his hair and Corona on his breath, and he met you under the covers, nestling his face in the crook of your neck before pressing a soft kiss against your skin while wishing you goodnight.

Humming, you rolled over and rolled into him. He chuckled and wrapped an arm around you, and that’s when you, in a sleep-deprived state, began to rattle off all of your plans,

“Tell your parents to stay for another week.” You said, eyes still closed, half-asleep.

Josh paused. “Why?” It wasn’t something he was opposed to, but it caught him by surprise.

“I booked a trip for the rest of us. While Danny and Sam are gone.” You laid your head on his shoulder, pressing a gentle kiss to his chest. “We leave for Key West in four days.”

And the shot of adrenaline that ran through Josh was something he hadn’t felt in quite a long time. The last time he got excited about going anywhere was to a new record shop that opened up a few streets over from the house. He quickly sat up in the bed, looking down at you (now laying sideways) in the dark with a smile.

“You’re fucking joking,”

You laughed and reached out for his hand. “Not at all,” you said bringing his hand up to kiss the palm, “I’m going to pick up an RV in a couple of days, and we can surprise your parents and take them shopping for clothes and everything else we need.”

Out of what seemed like a rush of euphoria, Josh threw himself on top of you, peppering your face with kisses and you laughed at the show of affection and at the tickle of the growing mustache he managed to grow (and pull off). You turned your head, holding his cheeks, and kissed him.

“Now, come on, let’s get some sleep.”

“Well that’s unlikely - now I’m going to lay here and think about all the dumb shit we can do.” He said, sliding under the covers and sliding an arm around you.

You just laughed and nestled your cheek against his chest, listening in to the quiet shuffling in the hallway outside the door of everyone going to bed, to the ticking sound of the clock on the wall, and then to Josh’s voice,

“Do you think they have pirate themed dinner cruises?”

“If they do, I’m sure you’ll find out about it.”

And he did.

(There wasn’t one.)

But you found so much more than you two ever dreamed of. Trading dreary Nashville for a bright and warm island, you welcomed the hot breeze and sun-kissed skin.

And even though there wasn’t a pirate themed dinner cruise, you watched Josh come alive in a new environment. You strolled hand-in-hand with him through the butterfly and nature conservatory, letting him rave about the multicolored birds and point at flowers he thought you would like while capturing them on film. On Duval Street he pulled you to get caricature portraits done, he ordered shots for everyone in the bar after a night spent swimming. He roamed Dry Tortugas National Park with Jake, admiring the view and history within the brick fort walls, and first thing one morning he pulled you out of bed to get breakfast and visit the Ernest Hemingway Home, so you sat with him on a bench in the morning light and drank coffee and pet the roaming cats that passed by.

The last night on the island you woke up naked without Josh beside you, and you turned to see him sitting on the balcony with the white sheer curtains billowing around him, writing in the journal he always kept on his person. A smile tugged on the corners of your lips.

Josh was falling in love with life again.

And you were falling in love with life again, too, because Josh was so passionate about living it.

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Our Last Summer - B. Boeser

A/N: just a girl who thought she’d try writing for a different player. Shocking, I know. Also this is an OC and I love her, enjoy!

Yes, after the ABBA song. Also shoutout to my least favourite Taurus @brockadoodles for convincing me to follow through with writing and posting this and being an A+ beta reader always.

Word Count: 9.2k

To Brock, summer was the best time of year. As much as he loved hockey season, summer gave him the chance to unwind, relax and spend time with his friends and family. It also allowed him to be at one of his favourite places all the time, the lake. 

The lake was a sanctuary of sorts for him, his little piece of paradise. Even before he moved to Vancouver, he spent every summer there, which is why he ended up buying a home on that lake to spend his off-seasons in. It also happened to be where he got to see Lennon—the only place. 

Brock and Lennon first met almost ten years ago. Right away, Brock could tell that she wasn't from the area based on her lack of a so-called Minnesotan accent but eventually learned how her family started vacationing on the lake the same year they were both turning fourteen. 

Lennon's family has been back every year since. How she and Brock first crossed paths was on the beach one fateful afternoon at the end of June. Brock was standing in line behind her, waiting to buy a bottle of water while she ordered ice cream from the man operating the little stand. Once Lennon was handed her snack, she turned around and went to walk away but didn't realize Brock was standing right there and ended up knocking into him, which resulted in her ice cream spilling down the front of the t-shirt he wore. She quickly grabbed some napkins and tried to clean up the mess she made all over him, but he just laughed it off and told her it was fine. 

The two of them parted ways after that, not thinking much of the interaction and didn't cross paths again until the following summer. When they did meet again, it was on that same beach, at the same ice cream stand, but Lennon didn't spill anything that time. Instead, the pair just stared at each other as they were both hit by the most intense wave of deja vu either of them had ever experienced. After that initial shock, they talked and properly introduced themselves because what were the chances they'd run into each other again. After commenting on how he assumed Lennon wasn't from there, Brock learned that she only came to Minnesota in the summertime with her parents and twin brother because her dad was from there and her parents owned a lake house they wanted to retire to one day. It was one of Lennon's favourite places to be and had her looking forward to summer every year because of it. 

That summer, Brock and Lennon saw each other on multiple occasions after the run-in on the beach, and a friendship gradually began. That friendship only grew with each summer that passed as Brock's friends became Lennon's friends too after being invited to hang out with them as they went boating, jet skiing, exploring and had bonfires each night. These activities made Lennon's summers even more memorable than before. 

However, as they got older, things began to change. 

The summer before Lennon turned 19 was the last summer she spent entirely at the lake for a few years. Brock had already turned 19 that February, and Lennon would be doing the same in early November. However, that fall, she began going to university and spent the summers working. Lennon didn't get as much time off but still managed to squeeze in at least two weeks at the lake to spend with her family, friends, and, of course, Brock. 

Four years later, once Lennon graduated from her bachelor's program, she returned to the lake for the whole summer. Lennon also mainly spent that summer with Brock as he sat with her for hours while she applied to various jobs in her field and did phone interviews with possible employers. It was odd for him, though, because it wasn't until then, Brock realized how even though he felt like he knew Lennon very well, he hardly knew anything about her life outside of the lake. Sure, he knew that she took English and Literature at university, but he didn't know what school she attended. He also didn't know where her family lived the rest of the year. Brock only knew Lennon and summer. 

There was a massive disconnect between the two of them when they weren't in their little summer bubble. Brock and Lennon didn't speak when they weren't at the lake. They had each other's phone numbers, but the thought of using it while he was in Vancouver felt foreign, and although Lennon did cross his mind, he knew the two of them would pick up where they left off like they did every summer once both of them returned to the lake. 

That's what happened last summer too. Brock and Lennon were reunited on her first day back and spent almost every day together, seeing as it had been four years since the last full summer she spent in Minnesota. It was a summer to remember for sure. They somehow became even closer, which naturally led to them feeling a sense of dread as the days became shorter and summer gradually came to an end. 

But, everything became ruined when Brock and Lennon slept together on her last night at the lake. Then Brock woke up to a cold and empty space next to where he laid in his bed the morning after. 

The piece of him that Brock didn't realize Lennon had a hold on broke that morning. She left him feeling hurt and confused. He texted her, but she didn't reply. Then when he took his jet ski out on the water and rode by her family's house, only to see it completely dark and no cars in the driveway, he knew summer was officially over and that he wouldn't hear from her again. 

That is why he was looking forward to this summer. There was no guarantee he'd be seeing Lennon. He didn't know what had gone in her life over the past ten months but was sure he'd get filled in on it once he saw her family, but he had this unexplainable feeling that she was going to be there, and that was enough to get him nervous. However, Brock was still excited even with those nerves because his summer just wasn't complete without Lennon in it. Regardless of how the two felt towards each other.  

Brock's first day back consisted of getting everything ready, and the house opened up for the season. With his roommates and family's help, the boat was launched into the water and docked, so were the jet skis, and everything just slowly fell into place. The only thing missing was Lennon.

However, he tried not to think of things like that. He was convinced he'd get some closure about what happened between the two of them last summer, but when he casually brought her up in conversation, no one knew if she was back or not. Lennon's family was at the lake, everyone knew that much, but no one had seen her yet, which made Brock feel a little less hopeful. 

Once everything at the house was finished getting ready, all of his company stayed for dinner but then headed back to their own homes, his roommates included. They'd be back on the weekend and be staying there for good afterwards, but for the next few days, it would just be Brock and his dogs, which was fine by him.  

After everyone left, Brock headed out to the back yard, letting Milo and Coolie run around for a bit before going back inside for the night. The sun was setting, leaving warm pink and orange trails of light chasing after it while slowly disappearing in the distance. A few boats still drove around on the water, finishing up their rounds before it got too dark. Brock could also hear chatter from somewhere nearby where he assumed people were outside having a bonfire or just socializing as they enjoyed what was bound to be a beautiful evening. 

Brock then wandered to the edge of his dock and sat down, letting his legs hang off the side then swaying them slightly as he continued taking it all in. Not too long after, Coolie joined him as he took up the spot next to him and rested his head on Brock's lap while looking out at the water as well. Meanwhile, Milo continued wading in the water, ready to attack any fish that dared come near him. 

About ten minutes later, after Milo had gone up onto the dock as well, Brock spotted a boat heading towards him. As the boat got closer to shore, he could hear the familiar voice of Wesley Schultz as a song by The Lumineers played and watched as the boat slowed down then took a wide right turn before coming to a stop about 20 feet from the edge of his dock. Confused, Brock looked around for someone else because surely whoever was on the boat wasn't stopping to talk to him. But then he remembered that he was at his own house and that there was no other explanation for what was going on. 

"Hey!" A voice greeted over the music, then a man, who Brock assumed was around the same age as him, came into view. He had dark brown hair that wasn't quite as long as Brock's but still long enough to noticeably be pushed back away from his face with a pair of sunglasses and wore only a pair of green swim trunks and an unzipped white sweater. "So you're the person who lives here. I'm Max. My family just bought a house around the bend over there. It's nice to meet you."

"Oh, cool!" Brock responded, a wave of relief washing over him as he realized the guy was just being friendly. "Nice to meet you too. I'm Brock. I live here with a few friends, but it's just me here right now. I'm sure you'll see the others around soon. Have you been to the lake before?"

"No, this is my first summer here," Max explained and smiled. "But, I know someone who's been coming here for a while and told me all about it. I must say, it's living up to its hype."

"Your friend sounds like they know what they're talking about," Brock chuckled, then heard a voice say something from where they must've been sitting out of sight on the boat. But what really surprised him the way Coolie perked up at the voice and caused a low whine to leave his mouth. 

"Yeah, I'd say she does," Max replied, then leaned to the side and looked down into the boat's cabin. "She's right here actually, said it was too cold then went inside—Babe, wanna come say hi to my new neighbour? Maybe the two of you know each other."

The thought of how Brock might know the other person on the boat made sense, he knew the area so well and had met lots of people over the years, but that still didn't prepare him for the way he felt once Lennon stepped into view. 

"Lemon?" 

Brock's nickname for her fell from lips so quickly as he took her in, he didn't even have to think about it. Lennon's deep brown hair was longer than it was the last time Brock had seen her, that much he could tell even in the messy fishtail braid she had it in. Usually, Lennon liked to cut her hair going into the summer because she always complained about how hot it made her feel whenever it was down and not being held back with the hair tie that usually resided on her wrist. 

He then took in the rest of her appearance. She wore bright yellow crocs, a pair of white terry cloth shorts and a baggy pullover that had Minnesota written in a large yellow font across it as well. Brock recognized the sweater because it belonged to him until the last night of the previous summer. 

It was a simple look, but to Brock, Lennon still seemed stunning in the evening glow surrounding her. 

That was when Coolie stood up and barked, snapping Brock out of the trance he'd fallen into upon seeing Lennon again. Coolie recognized her. That much was evident with how he whined and started wagging his tail just at the sight of her, Milo joining in soon after. 

"Hi Coolie, hi Milo," Lennon spoke softly and smiled at the two dogs, making Brock feel as if he walked into a brick wall just by hearing her voice again. 

"Oh, you two do know each other!" Max exclaimed, snapping Brock back to reality once again. 

Then Lennon looked Brock in the eyes for the first time, and her smile fell slightly. 

"I guess you could say that," she stated, not breaking eye contact. "Hey, Brock."

"H-hey," was all he could reply with, still recovering from the initial shock of how Lennon, the person he spent the last ten months thinking about, was finally standing in front of him again, but with another guy. "You're back."

"Yeah, I am," she nodded, then looked back at Max. "We should probably get going, though. It's getting dark."

"You're right," Max agreed. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you around, Brock. Have a good night."

"Uh, yeah, you too," Brock responded, whispering almost as he observed Max start the boat back up and begin driving off. 

He watched the two of them go, refusing to take his eyes off of Lennon, which was how he didn't miss the way she looked back at him too or how she didn't look away until the boat rounded the bend and disappeared out of sight yet again. 

~*~

About a week went by before Brock saw Lennon again, and he hated it. He saw her family, who all asked when he'd be stopping by again. But Brock didn't know how to explain that he and Lennon had barely spoken or the reason behind it all. It then got worse when his parents came over that weekend and told him how they ran into her while they were at the store and that she seemed to be doing well.

It sucked for him because all he wanted to do was talk, but he knew Lennon. And he knew that if she wanted to talk, she would. However, it was clear that she didn't, so Brock didn't push her into talking with him regardless of how badly he wanted to. 

The thought of just messaging Lennon and asking her to come over crossed his mind many times that week, but he couldn't bring himself to send the text he typed out and would end up deleting it instead. His summer was already off to a very different start than he was hoping for. 

One day, while he was out boating with some of his friends, things started to change again. 

After being out on the water for most of the day, Brock and his friends all decided to dock the boat at the marina near, of course, the beach that Brock couldn't step foot on without thinking about Lennon. Once he saw that beach, he was reminded of how much time he and Lennon spent there together over the years since first meeting. Brock would've been lying if he said he didn't want to run into her again on that same beach, but he tried not to get his hopes up. 

However, to his luck, Lennon was walking along the dock at the marina the same time Brock was hopping off the boat to help tie it up. Brock spotted her first, but she was busy scrolling through her phone, her eyebrows furrowed with an unreadable expression on her face as she did so, and she didn't notice Brock or the others as she continued walking towards them, but then came to an abrupt stop. 

Whatever Lennon was looking at on her phone seemed important, and Brock didn't want to interrupt, but then one of his friends, who also knew Lennon, spotted her. 

"Lenny!" Sam exclaimed as he brushed past Brock, making Lennon jump, but still, smile once she saw who was approaching her and accepted the hug she was about to be pulled into. "You're back!"

"Lennon's here?" Someone else asked, and soon enough, everyone who Brock was with rushed by him to see their friend. 

"Hey, guys!" She greeted happily, a much different mood than how her reunion with Brock was a week prior. 

"Are you here all summer?" 

"I am," Lennon confirmed, still smiling. 

"That's awesome," said Claire, Sam's girlfriend. "We've been waiting to see when you'd get here. We missed you! Is Mick here too?"

"Yeah, he is," Lennon responded, letting the group know that her brother had returned to the lake as well. "He's at the house right now helping my dad get the new barbecue set up. I was sent here to pick up things to get grilled tonight."

She then held up the plastic bag she was carrying for emphasis, earning chuckles from the rest of the group. 

"Well, we won't keep you then," stated one of Brock's roommates. "But come over to the house soon, and we'll all hang out."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll see you guys later!"

Everyone said goodbye to Lennon, then continued on their way, but Brock stayed back. She still hadn't noticed him, and he didn't want her to feel cornered by him, especially around their friends, but he needed to talk to her. Just the two of them.

He observed her as she watched their friends walk down the dock, taking in the jean shorts and mint green tank top she wore, then cleared his throat, making Lennon snap her attention in his direction and not missing the way her eyes widened as she did so. 

"Hey, Lemon," he greeted her and felt an instant wave of relief wash over him while he saw her expression soften as he said that. 

"You're never going to drop that nickname, are you?" She asked while shaking her head and smiling.

Brock pursed his lips and looked away from her as if he was deeply considering her question but couldn't help the small laugh that left his mouth as he did. 

"No, I don't think I can."

"Right. Whatever you say, Broccoli."

At that, Brock's grin grew much wider. Hearing Lennon call him the nickname she's always said in response to him calling her, Lemon, hit differently this time because, although he knew things weren't normal between them, it almost seemed like it was. But, it was short-lived because his nagging thoughts about the girl standing in front of him started creeping back, making his smile falter a little bit. 

"Brock?" Lennon asked, noticing how he was getting too deep in his thoughts. Something she knew he did often. "You ok?"

"Yeah," he replied and shook his head slightly. "I was just thinking. Um, listen, can we talk? You know, about… everything?"

Lennon let out a sigh, knowing this conversation needed to happen between the two of them, but still not sure if she was ready to have it just yet. "I don't know what to say."

"Me neither, to be honest. But maybe we can start with what happened last summer and how you're seeing someone else now?"

"Brock, me and you aren't in a relationship. You can’t corner me like that. I don't owe you an explanation."

"Lennon, that's not fair and you know that’s not what I’m doing," he stated. "I'm not saying you have to explain yourself. That's your business, whether I like it or not. But, I would like to know where we stand because I have thought about you every day for the past ten months and seeing you on that boat last week sucked. I was caught off guard, but that doesn't matter. I just miss my friend and don't want this summer to be weird because we slept together when clearly it didn't mean anything."

Once Brock finished his spiel, Lennon took a shaky breath then let her gaze fall to the ground, knowing he had a point. 

"I'm sorry," she spoke softly. "You're right, it's not fair, and I'm also sorry for just leaving you last year. But Brock, I don't know what to tell you right now because I know it's not going to be what you want to hear."

"The least you could do, as my friend, is tell me why. Why did you leave and act as though nothing happened between us and avoid me completely?"

"I panicked, ok!"

"About what?" Brock questioned, feeling even more lost than before. "Len, what are you talking about?"

“Because Brock, before we slept together, it was just you and the lake,” she explained. “It was easy. It was like we lived separate lives, and that worked until they crossed paths again in the summertime. Maybe having sex messed that up, but I don’t want it to. I want things back to the way they were.”

“Why do we have to live separate lives outside of the lake? You’re one of my best friends. I would love to share all of my life with you. But I feel like I know nothing about you.”

“Why now, though? Why didn’t you want me to be part of your life or know more about mine away from here before last summer?”

“I never said I didn’t!” He stated firmly and stressfully pushed his hand through his hair. “That’s just always been how we worked. How can you expect me to know that was something you wanted when you didn’t express it either, Lennon? But I will say this; I care about you. I have feelings for you, alright? If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have asked you to stay over on that night last summer. That all seems pretty irrelevant now, though.”

"I-," Lennon started but had to stop as a voice cut her off. 

"There she is," Max said as he and another guy that Brock didn't recognize approached them. "And Brock! Good to see you again."

"Uh, yeah," Brock replied hesitantly, suddenly not knowing what to say as he watched Max casually walk up and wrap his arm around Lennon's waist. "You too."

"Did we interrupt something?" Max asked while glancing at the other guy he was with, then moved his gaze between Brock and Lennon. 

"No," Brock spoke and looked Lennon dead in the eye. "I guess we're done talking. I'll see you guys around."

"Brock, wait," Lennon said and pulled away from Max as Brock walked past them. 

"Just like you, I don’t know what else to say, Lennon. Say hi to your family for me."

And with that, Lennon was left watching Brock leave her behind this time.

Later that evening, Brock was at home with his roommates, putting some plates into the dishwasher after they were all finished eating when Milo and Coolie started barking like crazy. He wasn't sure what was going on and looked at the rest of the guys, who all shrugged in response, then went over to the glass sliding door the dogs were standing in front of and saw what had them acting the way they were. 

Outside he saw a woman hopping off a jetski, then watched as she pulled it up to the small shore that met his property. Once she was sure the jetski was beached enough and took off her lifejacket, she walked up the slope that led to the rest of the lawn, then walked across the grass onto the dock before sitting down at the edge of it and facing the water like she owned the place. It didn't take long for Brock to realize the girl was Lennon. 

He then looked back at his roommates, all of who were watching him intently, almost as if they knew this was coming, but they all quickly looked away and pretended to be busy looking at something else. Brock rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. He didn't want to give them the satisfaction of a response, so instead, he stayed silent and opened the door so he could step outside. 

Milo and Coolie continued barking as Brock slipped by them but didn't let them outside with him. He knew that Lennon wouldn't have just shown up unannounced after the talk they had earlier that day unless she really needed to get something off her chest, and Brock wanted to hear what she had to say without any interruption. 

Lennon didn't look back as he walked across the grass and onto the dock. It was like she knew he'd join her regardless of how rough things may have seemed between them. And she would've been right for assuming that. As much as Brock wanted to be mad at Lennon, it still seemed like magnets pulled him towards her, and it just wasn't possible for him to fight. 

Brock didn't say anything as he sat down next to his friend, just joined her in silence while they both looked out over the water and observed the sun as it began its descent in the late evening sky, but he couldn't keep himself from observing Lennon out of the corner of his eye and taking in how she looked. 

Her hair wasn't tied back or anything. It just fell down her back in loose natural waves that shifted ever so slightly whenever there was a breeze. She wore a faded red Beatles pullover, which was somewhat ironic seeing as she was named after one of the band's members, making Brock smile because that was just a very Lennon thing to do. The sweater was paired with some jean shorts and Nike slides, but what caught his attention the most was her eyes. Lennon had light brown eyes that Brock thought were stunning all the time, but when the sun hit them just right, like it did in that moment, they seemed golden almost, and it was so hard to look away. He's always loved her eyes. 

However, his moment of observing her in silence was cut short when she let out a sigh and then glanced towards him. 

"New York," Lennon stated, earning herself a confused look from Brock. 

"New York?" He asked, genuinely unsure of what she was implying. "Lennon-."

"That's where I'm from," she elaborated, then looked from him to the water again. "Upstate New York, to be exact, near the Buffalo area. My birthday is November 2nd. I was actually born in Minneapolis, but my parents moved when me and Mick were about ten months old for work and I hadn’t been back until they bought the lake house. Uh, when my parents found out my mom was pregnant, they thought they were expecting twin boys at first. They wanted to name me John after the Beatles still and then Michael after Mick Jagger, but when I came out a girl, they had to improvise."

Brock was speechless. He was so shocked. Lennon was telling him everything that he's always wondered about her and then some. He was intrigued, and there was no way he would stop her from sharing whatever she wanted to say.

"As you know, I took English and Literature in university," she continued. "I took that program at NYU and have been living in New York City for the past five years because of it. I have a freelancing job, which has been paying the bills. I've also spent the last month and a half applying to various master's programs at different schools, and it's been pretty discouraging if I'm completely honest. Since moving to NYC, I've made many trips to Toronto to visit Mick, seeing as that's where he went to school, but coming back to the lake each summer remains my favourite place to be, and you are a huge part of why Brock."

"Lemon, I didn't know any of this," he replied, shaking his head as he still processed everything she said. 

"I know, that's why I'm telling you."

"Wow, I, I don't even know what to say. I've always wondered these things about you, but other than seeing you here; you've always been like a blank slate to me. I've known you for so long now, but I've never known so much about you. I just figured you never really wanted me to be part of your life outside of summer, y'know?"

"Yeah, about that," Lennon started and let out a small laugh. "That is so incorrect. You don't even know."

"What do you mean?" Brock questioned, feeling puzzled by her again.

"My friends in New York are huge into sports," she explained. "I can't even begin to explain how many times I've been dragged to a Yankees or Knicks game, but when it comes to the Rangers, I always look forward to it a bit more. They're not my team, I've got to give props to the Sabres for the hometown representation, and because of Mick, I started not entirely hating the Leafs. What always surprises my friends, though, is how adamant I get about going to the Rangers games whenever Vancouver is in the city. But I haven't told them I have a friend that plays on the team. They just think it's odd that I have a Boeser jersey."

"Woah, wait a minute. You've seen me play hockey?"

"Every time you've been in New York since starting with the Canucks, yeah."

"Lennon, what the hell?" He asked disbelievingly. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Lennon just shrugged before responding. "Like I said earlier today, Brock, it's always been you and the lake. I thought about messaging you but then figured you might not want me to and chickened myself out, so I never did. I don't know why I didn't just reach out, but now you know. So, please, never assume that I don't think about you when I'm not here. Because I do, all the damn time. And what happened between us last summer did mean something to me. You are way too important for it to not. I could never consider you as just a random hookup, Broccoli."

Brock could feel his heart swell an insane amount as she said that, but before he could say what he really wanted to in response, he needed to know something still. 

"What about Max?"

"Max is not my boyfriend," she stated, not missing a beat. "He's one of my best friends from school, yeah, but we are not together. He's from Minneapolis, which was how we actually bonded when we first met after telling him my dad was from this area. And let me tell you, I've told him if I'm still single by 40, we're getting married, but I don't think that'll be happening. He's very happy with his boyfriend, Connor, who was on the dock with us earlier, and I would've happily introduced you to if you hadn't stormed away before I got the chance."

"For fucks sake," Brock said, not being able to stop himself from grinning at how stupidly he overreacted. "I am so bad for jumping to conclusions, aren't I?"

"You always have been."

They laughed together as Lennon nudged him with her shoulder teasingly, then a comfortable silence fell amongst them again. However, it didn't last too long because Lennon was speaking again soon after. 

"I really am sorry for just leaving you last summer," she told him softly. "It's just- I knew I was going back to New York, and I figured it'd be easier if we didn't talk about what happened for both of us. I shouldn't have assumed that. It wasn't fair to you. But, I also have spent the last ten months thinking about you constantly. I like you too, Brock, more than I can explain, and I just feel stupidly vulnerable admitting that, but I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't have feelings for you that weren't entirely platonic. I don't expect things between us to be like they were last summer, but I missed you a whole freaking lot this past year and will be glad to have my best friend back."

"I would love nothing more than for that to happen," Brock responded and waited for her to look at him again before continuing. "Maybe we can; I don't know, take things slow? We can see what happens over the summer, what it all leads to and you know, actually talk after. I also want to know as much about you as I can, but only if you'll let me.”

"Please. And yes, I'll tell you whatever it is you want to know. I want to get to know more about you too if that's ok."

"Of course it is, I'd like that," he replied before falling silent again as his gaze dropped to her lips. Brock was overcome with the urge to close the already small space between him and Lennon by kissing her, but he didn't. Although he was pretty sure she wouldn't necessarily be opposed to him doing that, he didn't want to fuck this up by rushing into anything again. She, too, was way more than just a hookup to him and Brock wanted to make sure she knew that. "Will you stay over tonight?"

Lennon's eyes widened in surprise at Brock's question, but she quickly realized he wasn't trying to make a move. He just wanted to spend more time with her, and honestly, she loved the idea of just hanging out with him all night.

"Yes, absolutely," she stated. "I'll also never say no to Milo and Coolie snugs."

"Good, because I'm pretty sure I can still hear Coolie whining over the fact that he can't come out here and see you."

The two of them laughed, then stayed sitting together for a few more moments before Brock eventually stood and helped Lennon up, then made their way back to the house together.

~*~

Although nothing intimate happened that night between Brock and Lennon, aside from some cuddling as they both fell asleep in his bed, it set the pace for the rest of their summer. The two, once again, became inseparable. 

The next few weeks went by very quickly, and everything was great. Lennon was over at Brock’s all the time, and he made sure to go over to her family’s house and visit with them lots too. Things were normal again. There was no tension as they hung out with all their friends. Brock even got to know Max a bit better, who, to Brock, ended up being a really cool guy. It was nice for him to hear more stories about Lennon’s life outside of the lake, and Brock loved every minute of it. 

However, as good as things were with the two of them while keeping their relationship platonic, there was no denying both Brock and Lennon had intense feelings for each other. 

From an outside perspective, it was apparent how much those two cared for each other, and it was often shown in the little things. It was gestures like Brock pulling Lennon onto his lap and wrapping her up in the blanket he had with him while having a bonfire. Or the time Lennon briefly gave Brock his Minnesota sweater back for a few hours while he was over at her house because she wanted it to smell like him again. It was so obvious the two of them had a thing. And yet, nothing more happened between them. They were both afraid that it may get fucked up again, which neither wanted. Especially with how fast summer seemed to pass by. 

One Friday afternoon in late July, things hit a rough patch again. 

Brock and Lennon were at his place, hanging out on the stairs of the back deck with Milo and Coolie, when Lennon dropped the bomb about having to leave the lake in the upcoming days. 

Understandably, Brock was confused. He knew that he’d have to return to Vancouver in a few weeks to get ready for training camp and the upcoming season with the Canucks, but Brock thought he still had a few weeks left with Lennon at least. Brock took the news pretty well, but when he asked her why, feeling like he could after the talk they had on the dock over a month prior, she started shutting him out again. 

“I’m moving,” Lennon stated as she shifted away from Brock, not getting up from where she sat between his legs on the step in front of him, but enough to let his arms, which he had wrapped around her shoulders as she leaned back against him, fall to his side again. “I have to go back to New York on Monday and start packing up my apartment. My master’s program isn’t there, and I knew this was coming. I just didn’t think it’d be so soon.”

Brock understood, he really did, but then he got thinking and became confused. 

“You never told me you got into your program, Len. That’s great,” he replied and leaned forward so he could look at her better. “Where are you moving to?”

“Oh, um, you know, nowhere spectacular. Just the west coast.”

“Nice, what school? Maybe if it’s near a city with an NHL team, we can meet up when I play there. I’d also love for you to visit me in Vancouver if you’re able to or up for it.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she replied, smiling because she really liked that idea, but then it was like a switch went off in her mind, and that expression soon fell as she stood up from the stairs and turned to face him. “You know what, Brock, I have to go. I think my mom needed my help with something.”

That puzzled Brock even more. 

“I was at your house with you yesterday when your parents left for Minneapolis,” he reminded her with a small laugh. “They said they were going for the weekend.”

“Oh, right.”

“Yeah. Uh, Is everything alright? You’re acting weird all of a sudden.”

“Everything’s fine,” Lennon lied, which Brock was aware of with the way she started picking at her nails and avoiding making eye contact with him. “I just have a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Lemon,” he started softly. “You know you can talk to me, right? You don’t have to block me out again.”

Lennon let out a sarcastic chuckle. 

“Why does everyone always say that? Lennon quit blocking people out. Lennon, no one will continue breaking down those walls you put up all the time… But, no one gets that it’s just easier for me that way. I feel safer. It’s nothing personal.”

Brock’s expression fell at that a bit. “I get that, I do. Sometimes it is easier that way, but it’s also very lonely. You have people in your life that aren’t going to hurt you the way you think someone could. I want to think I’m one of those people.”

“You are, Broccoli,” she assured. “You always have been. I just, I can’t help but always think of the worst possible situation when going into new things. That’s just how my mind works. And even when it comes to you, when it comes to us and whatever we are, I’m still scared because there are so many unknowns. We don’t know what will happen when I leave for New York again, and I know I should’ve told you sooner, but I didn’t want to dampen the rest of our time here together. This has been the best summer I’ve had in a long time, and I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“You’re not ruining it,” he explained. “We know we both can’t stay at the lake forever, but that doesn’t mean we can’t bring what we have here with us when we leave. Lennon, I want you in my life all year round, not just when we’re here. I wish you realized that. And now, once you leave, it’s like I know nothing all over again because you won’t let me in enough to tell me. Which honestly sucks a lot.”

Lennon just looked back at him, not caring that her eyes were on the brink of overflowing with tears as she processed what he said. Brock cared for her. Probably more than any other guy she’s ever felt this intense of feelings for, but she was still absolutely terrified of accepting that for some reason. 

“I’m sorry, Brock,” she said, then took a shaky breath as she stepped further away from him and started backing down the stairs. “I- I’m going to go, and please, don’t come after me. I promise I’ll say bye before I leave, but I just need to think.”

She then turned and rushed down the rest of the stairs without looking back. Brock immediately stood up and went to call after her, but Lennon was already rounding the corner that led to the driveway and soon disappeared out of sight. Milo and Coolie were about to go after her, but Brock stopped them as he heard a door close and the sounds of a car pulling out of the driveway. She was already gone again, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

That night, Brock went to one of the bars nearby with their group of friends for a karaoke night. Lennon was initially supposed to join him and his roommates to venture over there together, but he knew that would no longer be the case after what happened earlier. 

After Lennon left, Brock went back inside the house, and his roommates just knew something went down between them. However, when they asked, Brock didn’t want to talk about it and just kind of went to his room alone until it was time to leave later on.  

He thought going out with their friends would make him feel a bit better and at least get his mind off the situation, but Lennon’s absence was way too noticeable for him even to try to enjoy himself. Brock didn’t take part in karaoke. Instead, he sat at one of the tables nursing a seltzer that was room temperature because he just wasn’t in the mood. 

After an hour passed and Brock still hadn’t finished the drink or taken much part in the group outing whatsoever, he figured he might as well call it an early night and head home. However, before he could, someone sat down next to him and started talking to him. 

“What are you doing over here by yourself?” Asked Michael, Lennon’s twin brother, before he sipped on his beer and gave Brock a judgy look that resembled the same one he’d received from Lennon many times before. 

“Hey, Mick,” Brock greeted with a smile. “I’m just not feeling it, I guess. I think I’m going head out soon.”

“Fair enough. It seems like my sister felt the same way. What a no-show.”

Mick scoffed jokingly, then looked around at their friends. Brock let out a small laugh and shrugged in response, but then he figured that maybe he could ask about Lennon seeing as he knew her twin probably knew more than he did. 

“Speaking of your sister, do you know why she didn’t want to come out tonight?”

“I’m surprised you don’t,” Mick deadpanned. “But no, I haven’t been home. I figured she’d be here with you, actually, but I guess you never really know with her. I don’t know how you’re going to put up with living in the same place as her beyond the summer.”

“Same place as her?” Brock asked.

“Yeah, Lennon got accepted to do her master’s at UBC in Van,” Mick replied, then watched as Brock’s eyes widened in shock. “Woah, wait. She didn’t tell you, did she?”

“No, didn’t mention it at all.”

“Fuck, of course not. I honestly wish I could say I was surprised, but then I’d be lying.”

Brock glanced down for a brief moment, still processing what he just told, then shook his head before responding. “Mick, I say this in the nicest way possible, but Lennon gives me fucking whiplash, I swear.”

“Join the club,” Mick laughed. “I’ve been president for almost 24 years now.”

“I just, how could she not tell me?”

At that, Mick’s expression turned a bit more serious than it was before, then he sighed. 

“I know it may not seem like it right now, but she really does care about you, Brock. More than she’ll let herself admit. You’re someone that’s important to her and has been for a very long time.”

“I wish she had a better way of showing it. Then I wouldn’t have to doubt so much.”

“I know,” Mick replied. “It’s a lot. But, let me tell you that what Lennon feels for you is very different from what she’s felt for any other guy before. My sister has been in a relationship with a fair share of people. I’m talking frat guys to Wall Street douchebags, she has had a few what could have been serious relationships, but those guys were not it for her. They betrayed her trust, belittled her for getting too in her head at times and then left her in the dust after they broke her. She’s always blamed herself for that and hated that she even bothered putting her heart out there, so it’s something she struggles with. But with you, Brock, she can be herself. I see Lennon at her happiest when we’re here, and it’s because of you. That’s not even something I have to think about because it’s always been that way. You’re her best friend, but what she feels for you is more than that and what it is, is that she’s scared to admit it. She doesn’t want to ruin what the two of you already have or risk getting hurt in doing so.”

Brock didn’t know what to say. He hung on to every single word that Mick said and took a moment for him to wrap his head around it all, but he already knew what to say. He’d known for a while.

“Mick, there is not a single part of me that would ever want to hurt her,” Brock explained. “Lennon is just such an important part of my life, and after what happened last summer, I also didn’t want to fuck up what we have. But, I really want to.”

“I know,” Mick stated. “And I trust you with her, Brock, that’s why I told you all of this. I don’t think you’ll hurt my sister, and she deserves someone like you. Now, I know you probably have more that you want to say on that topic, but why don’t you say it to her. She’s gotta be at home, and I just think the two of you need to not lie about how you feel anymore.”

As Mick said that, Brock couldn’t help but smile, then nod in agreement before standing up and grabbing his keys. “You’re right. I’m going to go talk to her. Thanks, Mick. I’ll see you around.”

“Make good choices!”

It didn’t take long for Brock to drive to Lennon’s house, but everything was dark when he got there. He thought about texting her but decided against it because he knew she wouldn’t answer. So instead, he got out of his car and listened. Sure enough, he could hear City and Colour’s The Girl playing softly from the backyard and knew she was there. 

Brock shut the car door, knowing that Lennon would hear it, then walked down the driveway on a mission. 

By the time he reached the backyard, Lennon was leaning over the railing, trying to see who it was that just got there, and Brock didn’t miss the way her eyes widened in surprise after realizing it was him.

“Brock?” She asked, then moved over to the top of the stairs as he climbed up them, still not saying anything. “What’re you-.”

Before Lennon could finish asking her question, she was cut off by Brock as he wrapped his arms around her middle and pulled her towards him, not stopping until their lips met in a very firm yet delicate kiss. He took her by surprise, but Lennon reacted by closing her eyes and melting into his touch, then wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and kept him close as she deepened the kiss. 

After a moment, the two of them broke away slightly, and Brock leaned his head against her’s, smiling like crazy. 

“I wish I didn’t wait a month to do that again,” he said, making Lennon laugh.

“I’m not complaining,” she replied. “That’s definitely one way to make an entrance, though. But why do I have a feeling there’s more to why you’re here besides just wanting to kiss me?”

Brock smiled at that because she was right, but before he could respond, he needed to think about what he wanted to say first. As he did that, he noticed that she was wearing the same outfit as she was earlier, right down to the messy bun, but now she wore his Minnesota sweater again, and his smile grew at that. Although the sun had already set, Lennon’s eyes still glowed with how the fairy lights strung around the deck reflected in them and that mixed with the Dallas Green’s voice still singing in the background. It was tough for Brock not to just lean down and kiss her again. But he knew he couldn’t, not right away at least.

“You’re right,” he told her, then let out a breath and smirked as the song changed to She Will Be Loved. “There’s something else I want to talk about, something we haven’t discussed yet.”

“What’s that?”

“Come back to Vancouver with me. After you’re packed up in New York, let’s go to Van together.”

“Wait, you know that’s where I’m moving?” Lennon asked, surprised. “Mick told you, didn’t he? Brock, I didn’t tell you because I thought-.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Brock cut off her ranting and smiled. “It doesn’t matter. I want you there, Lennon. I want to be with you while you’re there, as more than just your friend.”

A surprised gasp left Lennon’s mouth, but she recovered quickly by smiling and pulling him in for another kiss. 

“As long as I get to do that all the time, I’m game,” she responded after she broke away from him briefly, then let him close the space between them again. 

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

Without even having to voice it, Lennon started leading him back towards the house, hinting at how she wanted him to stay the night, and there was no way Brock was going to say no to that.

~*~

“I had a feeling you’d have a lot of things, but I was not expecting this,” Brock huffed as he peeked out from behind a stack of moving boxes. He and Lennon were standing in the living room of her new Vancouver apartment, getting ready to unpack everything. “This is excessive.”

“Shut up, the place was unfurnished,” she grumbled in response. “What did you expect?”

“I’m just saying, this would’ve been a lot less of a hassle if you had moved in with me.”

Lennon gave her boyfriend an unimpressed look, which he responded to with a wink and a smirk before he walked towards her and pulled her into his embrace. 

It was the end of August, and Lennon was finally ready to move into her new place. After she left the lake for New York a month prior, it took her about a week to get everything packed up and organized for the move to British Columbia. Lennon already had a storage locker rented in Vancouver to keep her stuff in until she was able to start moving into her apartment and had plans to go back to the lake until her lease began on the first of September and spend the rest of the summer with Brock. However, when she, Mick and their parents landed at the Vancouver airport, he was already there waiting for them. 

He helped them get everything to the storage locker. Then, after Lennon’s family left to go back to the lake, she stayed with Brock at his condo with Milo and Coolie for about three weeks before getting the keys to her place.

“That’s a little forward, don’t you think?” Lennon teased him. “What a strange thing to say to your girlfriend of what, a month?”

“I mean, I’ve also known my girlfriend for almost half my life, so does that month really make a difference?”

“Cheeky,” she responded, then stood on her tiptoes so she could peck his lips before moving away from him and over to where her phone rested on the small breakfast bar. “We can see where we’re at when this lease is up. But for now, I hope you’re ready to listen to the entire Lumineers discography as we start tackling these boxes.”

“Oh, you know it,” he told her as a matter -of- factly. “And let’s not forget about the wine in the fridge.”

“Yes, we can enjoy it once there’s room to sit down somewhere.”

Brock laughed in response and shook his head as Lennon pressed play on her phone and Sleep On The Floor started playing from her Bluetooth speaker. 

The two of them then started moving the boxes labelled ‘clothes’ to Lennon’s bedroom and started there. All of the furniture Lennon bought was set up already, so it was just a matter of putting things away and getting them organized. They got right to work, and although Brock was going to leave putting the clothes away to Lennon, so they went where she wanted, he figured he could at least unpack them so that she could just grab the items and go. Lennon grabbed a box and started unpacking it, so Brock did the same but had to pause once he opened the box closest to him and saw what was there. 

Laying on top of a pile of sweaters was the Boeser jersey Lennon told him about. Until that moment, Brock completely forgot that she had one, but it sure made him feel good seeing it for himself. A smile tugged at his lips as he lifted it from the box and set it on the bed, then glanced at Lennon to see if she saw his reaction. She was busy getting ready to hang things up in the closet, proving that she hadn’t seen him, which Brock was perfectly content with. He did, however, feel himself getting overly happy at the thought of seeing her wear the jersey that upcoming season and grinned even wider because of it. Brock had a really good feeling about them as a couple and couldn’t wait to see where things went from there.

[its-me-jessi]

Love Finds Its Way PT1

Pairing: Ivar X Reader

Summary: One day Y/N comes upon her first love she hasn’t seen in a long time since they went separate ways. She remembers how they came to meet each other for the first time. Back then he was a noble boy and she was the daughter of a pirate.

A/N: To be honest I had the idea to this story a long time ago but never really put it into writing until today. I really wanted to share it with you, and I hope you like it as well as I do. ☺🤗 I’d really appreciate any kind of feedback. Feel free to leave comments or reblog. 😊🧡

Part 2

"My name is Ivar." Ivar.

Tonight, the pub was particularly well visited. Everyone was holding a jug of beer and at least one woman to sweeten up their evening and night with. It wasn’t rarely seen that one woman was desired simultaneously by several men and that this desire degenerated into a fight between eager men. Only one could sleep with her tonight and who was better suited than the one with the most stamina and the greater strength. So, for a woman they fought loudly in one corner of the run-down pub, while in the other corner one beer was emptied after the other. The men chatted and often broke out in loud laughter, which even drowned out the music of the minstrels. The whole pub was filled with screams, laughter and music. It was a miracle that despite all the noise I got to overhear the conversation between the captain and a young man. Ivar. It seemed like this name made me keen-eared, because all of a sudden, all the noise became silent around me and I focused my attention on nothing, but the man named Ivar.

I moved inconspicuously away from the crew to another place that offered me a better view, a better view of his face. I had to see his face, his moves, his eyes. However, I didn’t want him to see me, which is why I hid behind a pole. I moved a bit to the side to have a better view of him. Immediately, I recognized him. It was Ivar, my Ivar, my great love. In all these years he hasn’t changed at all. But he is stronger than before, at least as far as I could tell by looking at his upper arms and chest. Shortly after I looked back into his distinctive face. It’s been way too long since I last saw his face, saw his full lips and could look him straight in the eyes. Into these beautiful blue eyes that shine in the light. I've always been enchanted by them since the moment I first saw him. How he looked up to me when I grabbed his hand to keep him from drowning. We were both so little and young when we first met.

I was only twelve years old when I went on board of a huge pirate ship for the first time. Everything was so exciting, especially the fact that I was forbidden to enter the ship, especially when it’s supposed to run in the sea shortly afterwards. Although my dad, the captain of the crew, always forbid me to sail with them because in his eyes I was too young, I found a way to evade the prohibition.

As it was getting darker, I climbed out of my window, careful to not make a sound. I tiptoed along the road down to the port, here and there hiding from my dad’s crew members and especially him. Engulfed in darkness, I ran to the ship unnoticed. Now that I was right in front of it, it looked even bigger than before. The view of this huge ship didn’t scare me as much as it made me more curious than I already was. I imagined it to be a whole new world that I really wanted to explore, and nothing stopped me anymore, except maybe the men doing their laps on board. That was the last obstacle that had to be overcome. All I had to do was to get past them unnoticed and hide quickly, and then I would have officially made it.

I sighed, already imagining my plan popping like a soap bubble before my eyes as the entrance was suddenly left completely unguarded for a moment. After I took the chance and ran on board I realized why. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who snuck on board. The son of another crew member was on board as well. It seemed like he has been hiding on board all day long. Somebody must have discovered and exposed him, since he was now facing the team in need of explanation. The incident drew the attention of the entire crew to the boy and it helped me to sneak on board. I had to thank the boy later on, even if he hadn't knowingly helped me.

Now I was finally on board of a ship, not knowing what kind of ship it actually was. Until that day, I always thought my dad was doing legal work.

The ship sailed out further and further, there was no land in sight anymore. My home was now miles away, which scared me a bit, because it was the first time for me being so far away from home and my familiar surroundings. Everything on board was new to me. My father was the only one I knew. I sure had spoken to a few men from his crew before, but they were still strangers to me. The ship's command, the tasks that the crew had to do on board were all new to me and still difficult to understand. I just watched curiously as the men were doing their job. At that time, my father steered the boat, I assumed. I wasn't sure, because I couldn't see him. He was on the deck above me and I didn't dare leave my hiding place to see if I was right in my assumption. I preferred to stay hidden and hardly move at all not to draw anyone's attention to me. It was far too exciting to experience life on board close up without anyone stopping me. I just had to make sure that it stayed that way.

Loud euphoric roars awoke me from my deep sleep. After a few hours of curious observation and amazement, I fell asleep hidden under the stairs. Apparently, it seemed like I didn't have slept very long since it was still pitch-black outside. Before I fell asleep, the crew and the sea was very calm and reassuringly peaceful. To be honest, I was scared of being attacked by pirates. Often as a child, I picked up stories about pirates that scared me. At the time, of course, I had no idea that I would one day witness these stories up close.

I looked through the stairs and saw another ship approaching ours slowly and carefully causing an uproar among the crew. The waves carried it through the sea, drawing it closer and closer until it was within ultimate reach. I watched the approaching ship attentively as well as fearfully and the people who, thanks to the lighting on board, were easy to recognize in the dark. That's not how I imagined pirates to look like. They were well dressed, far more noble than my father's crew, himself included. As they sailed past us, there was pure fear reflecting on their faces. None of them moved from the spot and I didn't understand why? Confused, I looked at the crew of the ship on which I was hiding. Unlike the strangers, they didn't look even a little bit scared. Many of them even had a grin on their faces, a cheeky and sneaky one. This nasty facial expression exactly met my expectations of a pirate. Was I wrong about my father? Was he one of the pirates I have always feared?

Slowly the ship drifted past us and a certain relief rose up in me, but it didn’t last long, because suddenly my father's deep voice rang out and I was startled. On command, some of the crew disappeared below deck and the next thing I heard was a loud bang closely followed by the sound of a hard collision and the sound of broken wood. Loud cries filled with terror and pain were heard. Three more loud bangs followed, and the screaming grew louder and louder. When I dared to step out from under the stairs and looked at the foreign ship, I witnessed how the ropes of the ship broke and the masts tilted. The ship was quite a bit larger than ours, but slower, especially now due to the damage it had suffered, so our ship could catch up with it quickly.

I was in shock and I clawed fearfully on a stair step. I couldn't believe what was happening in front of my eyes and I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do but watch the situation in disbelief. People died under the weight of the collapsing masts. Their screams rang out in my ears and made me feel their pain. My eyes wandered along the falling mast and a boy dangling from the ceiling caught my eye. He only held on with one hand and looked fearfully down into the sea. I sincerely hoped the railing would hold him, but on the contrary, individual parts of the ship kept breaking off and with them the boy fell into the deep water, which tore me out of my shock. I have to help him somehow. Without thinking about it any longer, I stormed to the unoccupied side of the ship. The crew gathered on the opposite side facing the doomed ship and its workforce. I looked at the crew, who are busy with rejoicing over the strangers' suffering and did not notice how I jumped over the railing. I had learned to swim at a very young age. My mother insisted: "In deep waters it saves you and others from the painful death, so don't be frightened and swim, my child." As I looked around, above and below the surface of the sea for the boy, her words came to my mind. The painful death. I wanted and had to protect the boy from it. And there he was! He came back to the surface and fought for every little bit of oxygen he could get. I didn't have much time before he goes down again, so I looked around for parts of the ship big enough to carry us both. Fortunately, I quickly noticed a wooden panel that was just big enough for him and me.

I swam as fast as I could and grabbed the wooden board before it drifted away. From that time on every second counted. I swung myself onto the driftwood and paddled with my little hands to the place where I had just seen the boy. Pure panic arose in me and the thought of being late spread inside my body because for a moment he was nowhere to be found but suddenly, a hand had grabbed the driftwood and my feelings told me it was the boy. I grabbed his second hand, which came out from under the water, and helped him to the surface. At first, he just looked at me surprised before he pulled himself onto the wooden plate to join me. Totally exhausted and out of breath he knelt on all fours, coughing and panting. He must have swallowed a lot of water. I wanted to help him so bad, but I hardly knew how. Primitively, I just patted him lightly on the back, hoping it would do him good. In fact, he stopped coughing. Instead, he stared up in a trance at the ship he belonged to. He too heard the roar and the screams and had to watch how many, with whom he had traveled and were possibly very close to, had already died or were still dying. Including his father. He had saved his son's life before he was killed by the mast along with all the other brave men. The shock was still deeply felt in both of us as we watched the crew of my father and he himself boarding the ship and killing the rest of the survivors to get to the valuable treasure. That's exactly how I imagined pirates to be. Insidious bastards who care more for gold than for actual human beings. I would have never thought that my own father was a pirate.

Slowly the excruciating screams stopped and what remained was the victorious roar of the crew and that of my father. Only now did I notice the skull, bright in the moonlight, which adorned the pirates' flag.

I remember how cold and uncomfortable it was that night. The waves drove our wooden panel further and further away from the scene and further out to the sea. Far and wide there was no land in sight and the freezing cold air made us shudder again and again. Our clothes were soaked to the skin. We were cold, had nothing to warm us up with and there was still nothing to look forward to. We were so young and only had ourselves. My loneliness was self-inflicted, but this boy was unintentionally separated from his family from one second to the next. I felt terribly sorry for him, and instead of my father, I felt guilty. If my father hadn't come upon their ship, his father would still be alive, he would be on board of the ship and could return home all safe and sound. Now he was anything but happy. He sat next to me, completely withdrawn. We have been drifting through the sea for hours, which seems to have no end and we still haven't spoken a word to each other. I had often looked over at him, watched him sit quietly and stare into the darkness as if he could still watch what was happening in the distance. "I'm so sorry for what happened!", he had heard me, I could tell by looking at him, but there was no reaction. If only I could have helped him, I would have done it immediately, but I had no choice but to look at him for another eternity and wait for help, for land or a word from him.

“It's rude to stare at someone like that,” I heard him speak for the first time in hours and was immediately ashamed of my behavior. He was right, it was not appropriate, my mother had taught me this lesson once before. I immediately apologized and looked away from him. I had been looking at him for hours, looking in his blue eyes that shone even in the dark. I wasn't ashamed of that, but rather of that he had noticed. "My name is Ivar and what's your name?" He asked me and looked over at me. His first movement since we were on this puny wooden board. At first, I was a little bit surprised that he was talking to me, but then I enjoyed the conversation. I immediately felt less lonely and hoped he felt the same way. "My name is Y/N! I'm glad to meet you, Ivar!”, I smiled sincerely at him and to my surprise he returned the smile. "Thank you for saving my life", I just smiled and with that we fell silent again. Neither of us spoke a word, we were too preoccupied with our thoughts. When will we see land? Will we die out here?

Thank you so so much for reading! Stay safe! 😇🧡

[gaylorlyrics]

the last great american dynasty

Rebekah rode up on the afternoon train, it was sunny

Her saltbox house on the coast took her mind off St. Louis

Rebekah is Rebekah “Betty” Semple West Pierce a sculptor, and philanthropist born on April 17, 1915 in St. Louis. She also composed music, one of many similarities between her and Taylor.

Bill was the heir to the Standard Oil name, and money

Bill refers to William Hale "Bill" Harkness, the grandson of David Harkness who invested with John Rockefeller in Standard Oil. When David died he left what would today be over a billion dollars to Bill’s father, who was also named William Harkness. Eventually Bill inherited what would today be approximately $185M dollars from his father (approx 70% of this wealth was from Standard Oil shares).

And the town said "How did a middle class divorcée do it?"

In 1939 Rebekah married Dickson Pierce, descendent of President Franklin Pierce. However they divorced in 1946, and then in 1947 she married Bill. Her father was a stockbroker, and her grandfather started a trust company - so she wasn’t exactly middle class, but her wealth was significantly less than the wealth of the Harkness family.

The wedding was charming, if a little gauche There's only so far new money goes They picked out a home and called it "Holiday House"

Holiday House was built on Watch Hill in Rhode Island by Mrs. George Grant Snowden who, contrary to the song, named it Holiday House. Seems like this house has been having raucous 4th of July parties for a long time - at least according to this NYTimes article from July 6, 1941:

Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud

The language here mirrors that of the first verse - “the wedding was charming, if a little gauche”.

The doctor had told him to settle down

Bill died in August (interesting!!!!) 1954 of a heart attack - he had also had a heart attack the year prior, but that one was obviously not fatal. He and Rebekah had one child together named Edith who eventually committed suicide at the age of 34. 

It must have been her fault his heart gave out

This line calls attention to how women are frequently blamed for, well, everything. Something that is explored more in mad woman.

And they said "There goes the last great American dynasty" Who knows, if she never showed up what could've been There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen She had a marvelous time ruining everything

The chorus and the title of this song seems to come from the title of a book about Rebekah called “Blue Blood: How Rebekah Harkness, One of the Richest Women in the World, Destroyed a Great American Family” written by Craig Unger. The from cover of the book reads “The story of Rebekah Harkness and how one of the richest families in the world descended into drugs, madness, suicide, and violence”. [Also, interesting that the background of the cover I found looks a lot like the blue/pink in the Lover cover!]

The chorus also references “mad woman”, another track on folklore. This song subverts the idea of a mad woman. The title and subtitle of Blue Blood use Rebekah as a scapegoat for everything that went wrong, blaming her solely for violence, drugs, mental illness, and loss. It uses several classic, sexist tropes of a gold-digger, a “crazy” woman, and the whore. However, in this song Rebekah is not taking the blame or feeling guilt about what is happening - she is having a marvelous time.

Another interesting thing is changing “great American family” - family is defined as “a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household” - to the word “great American dynasty” - dynasty is defined as “a line of hereditary rulers of a country.” I find this specifically interesting because dynasty, unlike family, acknowledges a long lineage of people and decisions that lead to this outcome, as opposed to placing all the responsibility and blame on Rebekah, who only entered the picture at the tail end of this story. The title of Blue Blood has no accountability for the people who were involved with the dynasty before - framing it as if David Harkness didn’t choose to leave his wealth to his lineage, as if Bill Harkness did not choose to marry Rebekah, and as if the wealth Bill inherited wasn’t already diminished by 81.5% from what the family’s original wealth was (as passed down from David Harkness to Bill’s father).

However, Taylor is changing the narrative here to give Rebekah a more joyful way to be remembered.

Rebekah gave up on the Rhode Island set forever Flew in all the Bitch Pack friends from the city

Rebekah and her fellow debutantes formed a group called the Bitch Pack and were known for causing a scene at parties, doing strip teases on the tables or putting mineral oil in the punch, which acts as a laxative.

Taylor is drawing a parallel here to her famous squad days, when her and her group of girl friends were constantly under fire from the internet/press.

Filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names

Rumor has it that Rebekah cleaned her pool with Dom Perignon. Being a socialite and one of the richest women in America, she frequently kept high profile/famous/successful company - hence the “big names”. Stories of her involve J.D. Salinger, Alvin Ailey, and Andy Warhol, to name a few. However, swimming in champaign is also a metaphor or the carefree life of the rich and famous - something that she used in This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, from Reputation, where Taylor describes a similar scene:

It was so nice throwing big parties

Jumping to the pool from the balcony 

Everyone swimming in a champagne sea 

And there are no rules when you show up here 

Bass beat rattling the chandelier

Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year

Another interesting tidbit is that the house where The Great Gatsby (1974) was filmed is the Rosecliff Mansion in Rhode Island, about 1 hour away from Holiday House.

And blew through the money on the boys and the ballet

Rebekah married twice more after Bill’s death, once in 1961 and once in 1974. As a life long dancer, she spent the majority of her time and energy founding (in 1964) and developing The Harkness Ballet Foundation, which still exists today as The Harkness Foundation for Dance. As part of this endeavor she also established a ballet training school and the Harkness Theater. She paid for everything for the company, from teachers to housing to plastic surgery. The company went on tour and performed at the White House, although it had a generally negative critical reception. At the peak of the company’s success Rebekah abandoned the project and started a different company

And losing on card game bets with Dalí

Although I couldn’t find anything specifically referencing a card game, Rebekah was good friends with Salvadore Dali. Here they are pictured holding a press conference together.

A portion of Rebekah’s ashes are in a $250,000 urn created by Dali called “The Chalice of Life”. The urn was designed to spin, so that Rebekah could always be dancing.

And they said "There goes the last great American dynasty" Who knows, if she never showed up, what could've been There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen She had a marvelous time ruining everything They say she was seen on occasion Pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea And in a feud with her neighbor She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green

According to the NYTimes, Rebekah dyed her neighbors cat green 

Fifty years is a long time Holiday House sat quietly on that beach Free of women with madness Their men and bad habits, and then it was bought by me

Weeee the classic Taylor Swift storytelling twist! This is a great flex by Taylor to just casually drop in a reminder that she is a rich woman who has made her own money and can buy whatever she wants. The phrasing of this also let’s us know that the house is no longer free of women (plural, more than one woman) with madness (we’ll hear more about being a mad woman later in the album), their (possessive, something owned or bought) men, and their bad habits (bearding?). Taylor is admitting to having all of these things. Who knows, if I never showed up what could've been There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen I had a marvelous time ruining everything I had a marvelous time Ruining everything A marvelous time Ruining everything A marvelous time I had a marvelous time

This makes me think of the line at the end of Miss Americana - “Sorry I was loud in my house. That I bought. With the songs that I wrote about my life.” 

Taylor, like Rebekah, is used to being blamed for everything and causing a scene. Even her purchase of Holiday House caused considerable backlash and commotion - with the governor creating a tax in 2015 (two years after Taylor purchased the house) called the “Taylor Swift tax” on homes worth over $1M dollars - something that affected many people in Rhode Island, especially those with large houses and vacation homes. All Taylor did was buy a house to live in (with her money, that she got from writing songs about her life), and she was immediately brought under fire.

However, like she did with Rebekah’s story, Taylor is flipping that narrative and focusing on how much fun she is having instead.

[fosterbradley28]

25 Fun Things to Do at the Beach

It's always summertime somewhere, and for many people that means hitting up the local beach or visiting a beach town while on vacation. If you think that spending time at the beach is limited to just swimming, there's a lot more that you're missing out on! Here are some of the most fun things that you can do at the beach besides just going swimming.

1. Look for Dolphins

Many beaches all over the world offer the chance to see dolphins right from the shore if you know what you're looking for and when to look. Do a little bit of research to see if your beaches apply and, if so, check the best times to visit. Don't forget your camera.

2. Play on the Boardwalk

A lot of beaches also have accompanying boardwalks where you can play arcade games, ride rollercoasters, eat delicious and unhealthy amusement park food, just walk around, and even enjoy free summer concerts on the sand. Check their respective websites to see what will be featured on the day you'll be there.

3. Play Frisbee

Frisbee is a classic beach game that people never get tired of enjoying together. There's only one prop needed, and it's very easy (and cheap) to get. You can even play with your dogs (if you're on a pet-friendly beach). There are also more advanced versions like Frisbee golf, Ultimate Frisbee, and Aerobie, but the basic version will do just fine.

4. Go Hiking

Many beaches offer nearby trails where you can hike to or from the water. This offers great exercise, and the water is good for cooling down after the hike. On top of that, you get to catch some beautiful views while being immersed in nature.

5. Have a Picnic

There are always a lot of food vendors near popular beaches, but sometimes it's nice to pack yourself a picnic with fancy cheeses and fresh fruits and go indulge at the beach. If you're going with a big group, make it a fun (and delicious) potluck where everyone can contribute an easy dish a variety of foods makes for a great beach picnic.

6. Go Fishing

Fishing is one of the most relaxing things that you can do at the beach and something people have been doing for centuries. It's something that you can focus on or just leave in the backdrop—your choice. The best part is, you might catch your dinner!

7. Read Magazines

A beach vacation is supposed to be completely relaxing. Park yourself under a shady umbrella, enjoy the warm breeze, and read some magazines or indulge in a cheap novel. There may never be enough time during your regular schedule to flip through a magazine, so take advantage of the opportunity you have at the beach.

8. Go Window Shopping at the Little Seaside Shops

The majority of beaches are located in beach towns. A lot of these places are quaint and fun to explore or at least take a stroll through. These towns also typically have a bunch of little stores set up along the beach. Spend some time browsing when you're ready to get out of the sun. Stop and grab a sweet treat too maybe ice cream or salt water taffy.

9. Go Surfing

Surfing is a great water sport. Get out on the water and have an adventure instead of just being lazy. You can also dedicate an hour or two to take a surf lesson and then lounge for the rest of your time on the beach. You could also try any other kind of water sport, such as kayaking, jet-ski racing, waterskiing, or kitesurfing.

10. Have a Bonfire Party

Bonfires are a ton of fun. Make sure that your specific beach allows for fires, though. Many of them don't. For the ones that do, it's a lot of fun to have a nice fire going on a cool night. You can hold a gathering where friends and family come together to play music, have good conversation, dance, roast marshmallows, and just have a great time.

A bonfire is a great way to enjoy the beach at night with some hot chocolate, s'mores, and friends.

11. Go Topless

There's something really brave about getting naked in public. It's an experience that can make you feel courageous and bold it should be tried at least once. Of course, you have to make sure that you're doing this at a nude beach. Otherwise you're going to get into some serious trouble!

12. Hula Hoop

Or play catch. Or jump rope. Or fly a kite. Engage in some sort of child's play, using cheap toys that you can pick up at a nearby store. This will bring back the wonder of what it was like to go to the beach as a kid. It's also just really fun and a great stress reliever.

13. Write Poetry

Bring a notebook with you and get carried away with your words and creativity. The beach has been inspiring poems and songs for centuries now, so you might as well join the tribe of people who like to write when they're by the water. Other creative writing options include starting that novel you've always wanted to write, or simply keeping a diary of your trip.

14. Meet People

Beaches are filled with people, so there's no reason that you can't make new friends. Games on the sand like volleyball make this easy, but there are lots of ways to meet people at the beach. Look online to see if there are any upcoming social gatherings or meet-ups at the beach.

15. Look for Seashells

You can troll the beach looking for seashells and colored glass. Take photos of the best shells so that you can research them when you get home, or make some shell art on the sand and take a photo to remember it by. Please keep in mind that in some places, it's illegal to take shells from the beach, and it's often highly discouraged in places where it's still technically legal.

16. Take Photographs

The beach is a great place for taking some beautiful photos. On top of that, those photos will be great memories to take home after the trip. Wander along with your digital camera, see what there is to see, and snap away.

17. Search for Historic Sites

Many beaches are located near places of historic importance, which are marked with monuments or signs. You can find these in the most unexpected of places. Keep an eye out for military batteries on the water, historic lighthouses, and old battlegrounds. This is another great opportunity for your camera as well.

18. Catch Up on Phone Calls

With cell phones working almost everywhere these days, you should have no problem getting connected to others at the beach. It's a great place to catch up on phone calls while getting a tan and everyone you call will be jealous because of where you are!

Of course, remember to be mindful of not speaking too loudly or obnoxiously. You may be in an outdoor public area, but so are many others—they're looking to relax and not unintentionally eavesdrop. Save the personal, private conversations for another time.

19. Look for Little Critters

Most people who go looking for animals at the beach are looking for whales, seals, or dolphins. Turn your focus to the little critters, like crabs, birds, and jellyfish. Spend the day seeing how many different animals you can count. Make it a goal and snap pictures for each one so you can catalog your findings.

20. Write Messages in the Sand

You can write them big or small. Say anything you want and then take a picture that will last forever. These pictures can be made into unique postcards to send to the folks back home.

21. Watch the Sunset

You could also watch the sunrise if you get there early enough. This activity is a favorite for many at the beach, as it should be, because it's such a breathtaking sight to see—you'll never tire of it. Take in the day (or morning) and reflect on what you've accomplished.

22. Celebrate a Holiday or Special Occasion

People often go to the beach to watch Fourth of July fireworks or to celebrate a honeymoon. There's nothing like the crashing waves and the sand between your toes to ring in a special occasion.

23. Daydream

You're sitting around at the beach with no commitments for the time being (at least, that's how it ideally should be) and nothing demanding your attention. That's a great time to just hang out and daydream a little bit. Envision what you want your life to look like in five or ten years, where you wish you could travel, or what you would do if you won the lottery. Let your mind and fantasies carry you away in the best way possible.

24. Relax

You don't have to daydream or take pictures or do anything really. You can just sit there and relax. Breathe, meditate, take a nap. Just be and relax. You're on vacation, after all!

25. Build a Sandcastle

This is a classic beach activity for kids and adults alike. From the simplest design to the most elaborate, sandcastles help you pass the time at the beach while doing something really creative and fun. Try Googling sandcastles for some inspiring ideas.

Don’t become too much of a beach bum. Instead of buying, rent it from the best  boat rental at Indian Rocks Beach, FL.

[xxx-cat-xxx]

I walk this lonely road

Characters: Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers

TW: Self-harm references, Coronavirus (but nobody gets infected), Alcohol

A/N: This fic makes reference to self-harm and to the coronavirus. I know the latter is a really sensitive topic at the moment, so if that’s something that might upset you in any way, please be careful. 

The virus affects almost everyone in the world at the moment at some level and this fic is meant to explore one particular experience among millions. I do not claim that this experience is representative in any way, and I definitely do not claim that it is worse than what others have to deal with. Nat is in a very privileged position, but she is still hurting, and that’s what I wanted to write about.

As always, thanks to @whumphoarder for beta reading.

*

They lock down the tower in the second week of the pandemic. 

Steve, while helping to set up tents next to the already overcrowded Metro General, shared his lunch with another volunteer who tested positive two days later. Since tests are hard to come by and none of them were showing symptoms, the team decided against using their influence to get tested through the backdoor and instead are self-quarantining for at least two weeks. 

Bruce and Tony are elbow-deep in research to find a vaccine and wouldn’t leave the tower if an armed battalion tried to force them out. Clint went back to stay with his family at the farm as soon as the first cases started being detected in New York. Steve is keeping busy by exercising, recording PSAs about everything from handwashing to social distancing, and sending uplifting video messages to infected fans. 

Meanwhile, Nat is slowly coming apart at the seams.

Before the self-enforced quarantine, she was distributing essentials to homeless and low-income families, but now, trapped inside the tower, there isn’t really anything she can do remotely to help the population. 

(Except maybe taking out the president with one of his own killer drones, but that’s not exactly in the realm of legality.)

It’s not that she hasn’t experienced being locked down somewhere for weeks at a time before, but that was on missions, with work to do and a goal to achieve. Right now, she has nowhere to go and nothing to do, and for Nat, that is the worst possible combination. 

The first few days are comparatively easy to bear. She runs the better part of a marathon on the treadmill every morning. Brushes up on her Mandarin. Hacks the Pentagon for the sheer thrill of it. 

Anything to keep her from spiralling too far down. 

Five days in, she wakes up at midnight from a nightmare about the Red Room, feeling like there’s a boulder on her chest weighing her down. She scrambles up to open the window and takes huge, gasping breaths of the cool night air, trying to convince herself that it doesn’t make a difference whether she’s inside or outside the window frame. 

Finally, she slides down onto the carpet and digs her fingernails into her bare shins, heart still beating way too fast and too loud in her ears. Catches herself wishing for a task, an attack, anything she can do, eyes the small imprints of her nails in her legs, a few of them oozing blood. The pain is tempting, much too tempting. She tries not to think of the blades under her mattress, in the cupboard, below the bathroom sink.

She knows it’s not exactly pain she longs for, but it’s a functional substitute for everything else. 

Nat swallows. Then she makes the executive decision that she needs to go for a walk.

*

She wears a mask and gloves when she slips into the darkness. Even with the protective outfit, she keeps away from walls, streetlights, shop windows, anything she could potentially contaminate. 

The night air is just the right kind of chilly to feel alive. The city, devoid of people, cars, and pollution, is a different kind of beautiful. The huddled groups of desperate families in front of the downtown hospital are not. 

Nat finds a children’s playground with monkey bars wedged in between two residential buildings. She does pull-ups until her shoulders are on fire. Then she climbs up and lies on top of the climbing frame, her gaze getting lost where the skyscrapers meet the night sky. 

She only climbs down when she can hear the sirens of an ambulance from a nearby street. Then she wipes the bars clean with the hand sanitizer and paper towel she brought along. When she makes her way back to the tower, it finally feels like she can breathe a little easier. 

*

Tony and Steve are waiting for her when she sneaks back in through the delivery entrance.

Tony looks tired, three-nights-awake-in-the-lab kind of tired, but there’s a manic energy radiating from him that almost seems electric; Nat wouldn’t be surprised to see sparks flying off his fingertips. It’s the kind of energy that keeps him up and running until whatever problem he is working on is completely solved, until the world is saved once more. 

Nat would love to say she feels guilty upon seeing him. But the ugly truth is, all she can feel is envy.

Steve looks… not exactly angry. His face is stony, but something else flickers in his eyes. Nat takes off her gloves, the coat, the mask, and that’s when she realises. He looks disappointed. 

“What were you thinking, Natasha?” he says, his voice low and tight. “You know we’re all under quarantine! What, do you think you’re above this or something?”

“I was wearing a mask—” she begins in a weak attempt to avoid this conversation, but he doesn’t even let her finish.

“You know damn well they’re not a hundred per cent.. You’re just tempting fate for no good reason.”

“I don't—”

“What, you don’t get sick?” he interrupts and maybe it’s a good thing because what she was going to say was something else: I don’t care if I get sick. It’s the truth, but it’s nothing either of them want to hear. 

“It’s not just about you, Nat,” Steve continues, ignorant of her thoughts, his voice rising and a vein starting to swell on his forehead. “What if you infect someone else? For god’s sake, Tony’s only got two thirds of his lung capacity left. Did you think of that before putting him in danger?” 

“Calm down, Cap,” Tony interjects. “I’ve lived through worse—”

“No, I’m not calming down!” Steve snaps. “We are so privileged to be able to live here with all the food and money and medical services we could need―all we have to do is endure a few weeks of boredom, which really shouldn’t be too much to ask in exchange for everyone’s protection. And you decide to throw all of that out the window for a stroll?” 

He stares at her for a moment as if waiting for her to defend herself, but there’s nothing she has to say. What should she tell them? I couldn’t bear the thoughts in my own head? I can’t deal with not knowing when I can be out again? It was either that or sitting on the bathroom floor, cutting lines in my own flesh just to fucking feel in control of something?

“I really expected more of you,” Steve says finally, an eerie calm in his voice. Then he turns on his heels and leaves. 

“Well, that was dramatic.” Tony rubs a tired hand over his eyes before looking at Nat directly, his expression sober. “His mother died of TB, you know?”  

Nat feels numb. “Yeah, I know,” she says quietly.  

Tony’s expression softens. He seems to make a decision. “Come on.” He waves roughly in the direction of the elevator. “I guess we both need a drink.” 

“Okay.” Nat takes a deep breath. “I’ll take the stairs.”

When she enters the living room fifteen minutes later—after showering thoroughly and changing her clothes—she finds drinks on the table and Tony on the sofa, working again. Nat sits down on the armrest of the chair across from him, keeping a safe distance. Jazz music is playing in the background, the fake fireplace is lit, and it all just feels wrong. 

Nat takes her time to fill her glass and slowly drain it. When she looks up, Tony is observing her, his dark eyes unusually warm. 

“I get it, Nat,” he sighs when their eyes meet. “Trust me, I do.” He nods at the tablet sitting in his lap. “Why do you think I keep busy with this all the time?”

She gives a tiny nod of appreciation and hopes he gets that too. Tony smiles at her with a bit of sadness and then turns back to his work. 

Nat goes to the kitchen to refill her glass. When she comes back, Tony is asleep, twisted up on the couch as if he just fell over from exhaustion, tablet still in his hand. She goes back to wash her hands thoroughly, and then, holding her breath, takes the device out of his hand and covers him with a blanket.

She sits there, alone with the scotch bottle, Tony’s snores, and her thoughts, until pink clouds start to creep over the sky. 

At 5:35 on the dot, Steve appears in the doorway, dressed in his workout clothes. He stops just outside of the room and leans against the doorframe, taking in the scene. The look on his face makes it clear that it’s her turn to speak. 

Nat takes a moment to weigh her words. “It’s just… I can’t sit in here not knowing when I’m going to be out. Not again,” she finally admits into the fake fireplace that has now grown cold.

Steve doesn’t reply, but he relaxes just the tiniest bit against the doorframe and something in his expression shifts. 

“Are you up for a sparring session before hitting the treadmill?” he asks.

“You want to work out with me?” Nat doesn’t look him in the eyes. 

“That’s why I’m asking.”

This isn’t an apology—not from either of them. Nat isn’t guilty, just sad. And if Steve was sorry, he would’ve said so straight away. But this is not a concession―it’s a I don’t approve of your actions, but I’ll still be here for you. Just like Tony’s glass of scotch, what it means is: You don’t have to go through this alone. 

“So?” Steve asks. 

Nat pushes herself up from the armchair. The residual alcohol in her bloodstream and the all-too-familiar tiredness make her head swim for a moment, but she’s stable once she gets to her feet. “Fencing. Let’s go.”

____________________________

This is part of the Red in my Ledger series.

All my fics

[hiddenwashington]

As time goes on, more and more people find themselves stranded in Washington DC, away from their homes and families. But as the seasons change and the weather grows warmer, it becomes easier to see the bright side of things. The sun is shining, the days are longer, and the sounds of birds singing and children playing fill the air. Coats and boots are shed in favor of sandals and t-shirts, students are finishing up the school year, and the relief is clear in all their faces. Young couples and families with children wander the streets, enjoying the sun on their faces, and groups of teenagers lounge on blankets in the parks or by pools.

In an attempt to lift everyone’s spirits further, a letter goes out to every citizen of the city, creamy white envelopes addressed in perfect cursive. Once opened, you’ll find a beautiful invitation, gold writing decorating pure white stationary. A gold bow wraps around the center of the paper, with pressed flowers tucked into the ribbon. And though there are no postal markings, stamps, or even an address beyond the name of the recipient, it is clear upon reading where the invitation came from.

You are cordially invited to Washington DC’s summer masquerade gala, beginning May 16th. Hosted by our own President Leia Organa, the masquerade will take place in the White House. Food and drink will be available to all who attend, and of course there will be live music to dance to. This is a gala, after all, and what’s a gala without dancing? There will be photographers roaming the ballroom throughout the night, along with aerial and acrobatic artists performing in various parts of the White House for your entertainment.

In addition, later in the night, there will be an auction held for anyone interested. There will be plenty of exciting items to bid on, and it’s for a great cause! All the proceeds will go towards improving the city funded housing for those who arrive in Washington with no place to go. In addition, there will be one very special item available that will be revealed as the grand finale!  All we’ll say for now is that it’s something that can grant what many of our citizens deeply desire. We promise that it will be worth the suspense!

This will be a formal event, so be sure to look your absolute best, and don’t forget your mask!

This invitation will grant you access to the White House, so keep it on you at all times!

As the invitations are received and the citizens get excited, rumors begin to swirl. What could this mystery item being auctioned off be? Many speculate it’s some sort of magical artifact. Some say it can return someone to the world they came from, some say that it can restore the lost memories of a loved one, and others still claim it will give you protection against some of the city’s more… dangerous tricks. But no one knows for certain except those involved in the planning, and they aren’t talking. Soon, the whole city is abuzz with gossip, and it only increases as the gala draws closer. Even those who have no desire to participate are curious as to what it could be, and excited for a night partying in the White House!

The White House will be closely guarded by secret service agents the night of the event, and they plan to make sure everyone is on their best behavior. They will explain to you upon entering the gala where you’re permitted to go and what is permitted. The White House itself is decorated in black and gold, with lanterns keeping the room dimly lit, adding to the mystery of who is behind each mask.

The event will take place mainly in the East Room, with bar tables set up in corners for anyone in need of refreshments, and smaller tables spread around both the edges of the room and out in the gardens, and a huge dance floor in the center of the room. There are floral centerpieces and candles in glass jars at each table, and there are silk curtains along the walls. In the State Dining Room, there will be long serving tables full of all the food you could want, extravagantly displayed on silver platters. Feel free to linger there, but know that all the fun will be taking place in the East Room.

The auction will take place in the blue room for anyone interested, with a small auctioneers platform set up on one end of the room, and rows of chairs for the guests who choose to participate. Upon entering the room, you will be given a paddle with your number for the auction. Feel free to exit and reenter at any time, just be sure to keep track of your paddle so you can claim your winnings from the Green Room the end of the night!

Also open are the gardens and the South Portico, for anyone in need of some fresh air. The garden paths and the balcony of the portico are lined with fairy lights, creating a beautiful atmosphere for an evening stroll if you’d like a moment away.

All other areas of the White House will be locked off, and guests are not permitted to access them.

tldr ; a summer masquerade and a mysterious auction are being held at the white house here in dc, a party for everyone to forget their woes, and a shot at gaining something many citizens desire. president organa has arranged a gala for one night, to allow all the citizens a night of enchantments and intrigue! you are invited, along with the rest of the people of washington, to the white house for a night of drinks, dancing and enjoyment! find a date, come with a group of friends, or even go on your own, just make sure you look your best and remember your invitation, or secret service won’t allow you inside!

OOC INFORMATION

hey there angels! welcome to hiddenwashington’s ninth event! we thought it would be nice to do something a little shorter and a little more lowkey after our big event at the beginning of the year! we are so unbelievably excited to get to release this one for you all, and we can’t wait to see what your characters make of it! continue reading below for more information on what’s going to be happening, and please drop a like on this post so we can know you’ve read it all!

DATES :

may 16th - may 20th may 22nd

in character the event will last for only one night, but we guarantee it will be a night packed with fun, excitement and just the right amount of drama!

please feel free to have your characters begin planning their outfits and dates/groups now and get excited! 

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THE GALA :

below is a short list of things your characters will be able to see and experience once they enter the white house! everyone will have plenty to do and explore, whether their intentions are innocent or a little more mischievous :

a basic layout of the white house : first floor (where the gala will take place) , feel free to explore more following this link , while most rooms will be locked off, that doesn’t mean that guests can’t get “lost”, or sneak off in search of “the bathroom”. just be sure to watch for secret service agents.

food and drink : free food, desserts and beverages will be available to everyone, so please help yourself and enjoy!

dancing : of course this is a gala, so go wild during a faster number, or finally extend an invitation to someone special to dance to one of the slower songs. request songs from the band and enjoy in every way you can!

the gardens : the gardens will be open to the public for those looking for a moment to enjoy the warm weather, so feel free to take a stroll!

outfits : dress to impress, whether in a gown or a tux, whatever fits your style best. and feel free to post outfits and looks now if you so please!

get creative : there are more guests than agents, and they can’t watch everyone, so feel free to explore and slip away if you wish!

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THE AUCTION :

if you choose to take part in the auction, there is a list of terms that may be helpful right here!

there will be multiple things up for auction, starting from little trinkets and paintings, to experiences and electronics, and finally the most valuable item will be available at the end of the night.

the final item to be auctioned off has been rumored to bring to life what one desires most. be that a loved’s memories to return, a way to return home, a large fortune, revenge on someone who has wronged them, or even peace among everyone. whatever you’ve desired, it can grant just that.

please keep in mind that money is still being used for this auction. make it reasonable for each character. if your muse is struggling for money, they wouldn’t be able to bet over thousands of dollars. if they are swimming in cash, would they help out those around them? will they scheme to steal the final artifact for their own gain? remember, anything is possible, but don’t make it feel implausible. 

TAGGING AND PLOTTING

once the event begins, please hold any and all non event threads. you may pick them up once it’s over, or start fresh with your characters cheerful and relaxed after a magical night.

please tag all interactions/starters/outfits with hwevent09 !!

feel free to have your characters start talking about the gala and auction and discussing it with their friends or potential dates! think of this post as the invitation arriving to your character! all of dc is now aware of the gala being planned and the city is filled with excitement and of course, gossip!

keep an eye on the main for any more information regarding the event, including after it’s begun! 

you are free to decide how your muses feel about the event and what they plan on doing at the gala! but just know that we do ask that every character shows up at the white house that night, even if it isn’t something they’re really excited about. come for the food and drinks, the dancing, your friends or of course, the auction! whatever gets your characters there is fine by us, but the event is mandatory!!

and as always, have fun, get creative, think outside the box and enjoy this fun new event!!! we cannot wait to see where you all take this exciting opportunity! and please, again, like this when you have read it all! ♥

[yawnjunie]

extra long tag game (seriously, it’s very long)

tagged by: @soobindipity​ (ty eri!)

tagging: @acethetiques​, @bloomingjun​, @txtdream​, @bulgo-gyu...(i’m honestly so lazy so if you want to do this, go ahead! feel free to ignore if you were tagged)

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

side effects! (oops this is a txt blog) but i’m pretty sure this is what made me want to stan skz! the song is very experimental, as it’s psychedelic edm (i believe), but i liked it a lot after a few listens. i was totally obsessed with the choreography as well, because the whole thing is just...art. they attracted me because their style of music was different than what i had seen before, and on top of being extremely talented and creative people, they were also super funny and caring.

another group that comes really close to being my favs is day6 (and i cannot even begin to describe my infatuation with this group). i listened to “shoot me” and “sweet chaos” and BAM that’s all it took to drag me into stanning this group. i’m not familiar with the inside jokes and all that, but i just love listening to their music! there is not a single bad song in their entire discography! i also have the largest heart eyes for young k’s “young one” project covers and eaJ’s original songs.

—

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

going to an ivy league or just any amazing school in general (lol is this really gonna happen tho 🤪)

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

gone out with my friends, probably (going for a boba run, going to the mall, etc.)

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

a tiny book called “be active” by charles m. schulz, filled with motivation quotes. i also bring around a book, in case i get bored.

favourite type of plushies and why?

the extra fluffy kind that i can hug or use as a pillow, but i like the bear plushies a lot too (from daiso/miniso).

favourite song right now?

darn i don’t have one 😳 but i like listening to “ribs” by lorde

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

how to make macarons, how to make/compose music, the korean language

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

i can’t think of something off the top of my head :( (i promise my life isn’t that boring but my brain isn’t conjuring up anything helpful)

headphones or speakers? why?

headphones when i want to listen to music by myself/with a friend, speakers when i want to share music openly

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

banh mi and 🍅 (even though i just had a bowl of them...sorry beomgyu)

+ also this coconut that i’m trying to open? but it’s not cooperating with me 😔

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify, it’s unproblematic for the most part

ten questions (by eri, answered)

1. what’s the best trip/vacation you’ve ever had?

when i went on a tour of china (i went to a bunch of places, from the city to the mountains). it was fun exploring places i’ve never been to!

2. do you have any random fears/phobias? if yes, what are they?

spiders and bugs :(

3. weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?

either mangostine (i hated it, sorry soobin) or frog legs

4. do you have any hidden talents? what can you do?

uhhhhhhhhhhh i can memorize things quickly? i mean i don’t think it’s that big of a talent but i can remember trivial history facts really well

5. what is an activity you’d like to try out someday?

swimming underneath a waterfall or just living in the wilderness

6. when did you get your first phone and what type of phone was it?

a very long time ago when i was in 2nd grade, when i first got an ancient flip-phone...i pretty much never touched it because i never really needed to use it

7. what is a movie you never get tired of watching?

kimi no nawa! i’ve watched that movie 3 times already and it’s a great movie so i wouldn’t mind watching it again :)

8. biggest pet peeve?

dirt encrusted fingernails >:(

9. earliest childhood memory?

i’m not sure :( my memory is just a jumble of things from my childhood

10. as a child, what did you want to be? what about now?

i wanted to be anything and everything...one day i would be like “i’m going to be a doctor” and the next i would be like “nvm i want to be a magician” and as for now, i’m actually not sure because i’m interesting in many fields, including areas in both sciences and humanities.

—

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

—

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: blu

nickname: blu

birthday: sometime when the flowers bloom

zodiac: aries

nationality: american

languages: english, chinese, spanish, (a bit of) japanese

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: [redacted]

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: txt and other groups i stan! i also like to take inspiration from my life experiences, books i’ve read, songs, movies. shows, and so on.

meaning behind my url: there weren’t any canon urls for yeonjun so my brain somehow went hmm? yawnjunie? sounds good (i’ve been asked this before and honestly there isn’t much logic behind my url lol)

blog established: June 5th, 2020

followers: 153 (it’s a small-ish community but thank you all for the support!)

FAVORITES

favourite animals: dogs, cats, wolves, foxes (i just love animals in general)

favourite books: asoue, the miraculous journey of edward tulane, the joy luck club, the giver series (there are more but i can’t think of them)

favourite colour: blue (i love all the colors)

favourite fictional characters: alyssa and james (teotfw), the baudelaires (asoue), and other people i can’t think of atm

favourite flower: i don’t think i have a specific favorite flower, but i like orchids!

favourite scent: the scent of pu’er tea (or the scent of dried flowers)

favourite season: i don’t have one, but i’m leaning towards autumn

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 6-9

cats or dogs: dogs (i’m serious)

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea all the way

current time: 01:05

dream trip: south america, europe, japan

dream job: tbd :’) (but i want to be in a profession in which i’m helping people)

hobbies: eating, playing piano, being a tubbs™

hogwarts house: ravenclaw (i think)

last movie watched: can’t remember, but it was probably a film about a mermaid who tried to find true love on land but ended up dying

last song listened to: i’m in love with you by kina

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1-2

random fact(s): i love mint chocolate ice cream, i like my milk tea with a bunch of toppings (pudding, aloe vera, boba pearls, etc.)

—

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to

if i could ride a bike - chevy

pinocchio - eaJ

fly me to the moon - young k

holo - lee hi

lmm - hwasa

man in a movie - day6

laughing on the outside - bernadette carroll

remember (from natsume’s book of friends) - uru

sparkle - radwimps

i loved you - day6

[barryhuff]

Nostalgiaholic - The Remix

When I used to look up at the night sky alone as a child, I imagined a sinister, infinite, black, blanket sprinkled with glitter. Although, when my eyes followed the tip of my Uncle Jon’s finger, as he both traced celestial, stick-figures in the same sky and narrated their mythic, Greek stories, space always transformed from that lifeless blanket and into a destination to be explored. 

Jon, at times, was so inspired by space and space travel, he filled canvases dedicated to the filtered visuals he discerned.  As a dedicated science-fiction nerd, his paintings certainly had their share of stylized spaceships, laser beams, and explosions.  But as an equal part, planetarium-loving, star chart-studying, telescope-owning, amateur astronomer, Jon’s celestial backgrounds were wild, bubbling layers of greens, whites, blues, and reds, instead of a simple, flat, all-consuming blackness. Those paintings showed the cosmos as a tangible, topographic map ready to be explored, and not a deep, infinite sea of loneliness. 

That being said, I used to daily study a picture Jon painted of an astronaut floating upside down in the aurora borealis lights of Jon’s interpretation of space.  The figure held tight to the lifeline coming from his spacesuit at the waist with his left hand.  However, the same lifeline extended from the suit like a piece of floating spaghetti getting smaller, until it vanished in the distant horizon.  His right hand (so big that it appeared to explode from the canvas), desperately reached out for salvation.  

The reflective shield on the helmet hinted at the impending doom of the astronaut.  The reflection didn’t show a ship or even another hand reaching back, instead there were simply more endless miles of lively, colorful flashes of the space setting to die alone in.

No matter how much I wanted to imagine hope for the character, there was none… at least for him.

I often wonder if Jon’s painting was inspired by one of his favorite movies, the 1968 Stanley Kubrick classic 2001: A Space Odyssey.   When it finally, came on network T.V. one Saturday afternoon in the 1980s, I was excited to see it.  Hell, if Jon liked it, I would certainly like it.

False.  It turns out there were two barriers to me enjoying 2001: A Space Odyssey --  Star Wars and silence. 

One summer, my brother and I bragged about watching Star Wars 47 times on HBO.

I thoroughly enjoyed "The Bar Scene".  Especially the part in which a handsome, tanned, mischievous Han Solo (brown, feathered hair parted evenly in the middle) tried in vain to smooth-talk the twitchy-trigger-fingered, reptilian, green-faced, bug eyed, intergalactic thug Greedo (bald head).

Shit, reciting Greedo’s opening line to Han for anyone who’d listen (“Oo-nah too-tah, Solo?”) is still one of my favorite past-times.

In Star Wars, everyone could cover vast distances in the dark, dusty, intensely cold, INFINITE vacuum of space. It’s as easy as a con-artist pulling a few levers, confidently bellowing the order, “Punch it, Chewie”, and going faster than light without having to even buckle a seatbelt.

In reality, distances in outer space were not so easily traversed.

The Earth’s moon is 238,000 miles away. It took Neil Armstrong and the fellas six days to get from Earth, to the moon, and back, all while being cooped up in basically a large, flying port-a-potty. Their spacesuits looked about as comfortable as wearing every outfit in the average American’s good-credit-infused, stuffed closet AT ONCE.

This detail of space travel was not lost ‘Stanley Kubrick’s flick.  Even though there are a beautiful array of stunning special effects, it often felt like the audience traveled each second of the 365 million mile trip from the Moon to Jupiter.  There were no visual cues of a blurring landscape to both gage speed and generate a sense of movement.  The stars are perched in the background like apathetic teenagers forced to sit at the table during dinner, when they’d rather be in the solitude of their own rooms.

Body movements and conversations in the film were also slowed, as if everyone was walking in a filled swimming pool.  Mix in a relaxing soundtrack of orchestral music, and it’s the perfect lullaby capable of depowering my movie-watching enthusiasm.  In fact, the first five times I tried to watch the movie, I would fall asleep at an early scene featuring a space stewardess silently laboring down the aisle in her gravity “grip shoes” on her way to ultimately retrieve a floating pen for a sleeping passenger while composer Johann Strauss’s famous waltz, The Blue Danube, rhythmically chants in the background.

A few years ago, I tried one final time to watch the movie. And this time with the help of a streaming video platform, I was able to pause, re-group, pause, re-group, pause, re-group, and finally watch the movie my uncle loved.  

The striking thing about the movie is how quiet it actually was.  For much of the movie, there are no musical cues to warn of danger or intrigue.  Dialogue was conducted over the subtle drone of machines simply doing their mundane jobs of keeping the enormous spacecraft running during its long flight to Jupiter.   Life and death sequences were not given intense music accompaniment like traditional horror movies.  It’s as if Kubrick was saying, “People’s lives aren’t being scored by some musician to bookmark key events.  Life is merely something that happens -- even in space.”

It’s this absence of audible hints that makes 2001: A Space Odyssey uncomfortably realistic, as if the audience was watching a livestream of a computer gaining sentience, refusing to die (be turned off) and fighting off his oppressors (the flight crew).  

I’ve read that when a “vacuum” exists, somehow all of nature rushes to fill that empty hole.  So it’s funny that many science experiments happen in conditions that closely resemble a vacuum, in an effort to ensure results unweighted by additional stimuli.  Interestingly enough, because the movie is set in the vast, unforgiving, vacuum of space, Kubrick’s storytelling, in essence, becomes an experiment to determine if audiences will stay engaged without the traditional musical trappings.  Indeed, this stark story about the thrilling birth of strange, other-worldly life injected energy into overall science fiction mythology, and also into my young uncle.

Over the past 11 years, I have written a fairly regular Facebook post titled Reasons I Know I’m Getting Old.  When I started this, Facebook seemed to simply be a 21st century photo album, in which many people posted similar, stiff, smiling, posed pictures and inspiring quotes which suggested my extended online community was living their own collective happily ever afters.

But it was boring...

I mean, I loved my kids too, but were only my kids getting whoopings and other childhood punishments?  My wife was awesome too, but was I the only person still having trouble translating to her the humor in my daily fart symphonies?  Was no one else dealing with the often deflating, drudgery of the work-place?  Was parenting a lifelong crap-shoot for me only?  Because there was no connection to what I was seeing on my finger strolls on my phone, I was having a hard time wanting to even own a Facebook account.

Therefore, on April 14, 2009, I conducted an experiment:  How would my friends respond to a post that showed some dissatisfaction?  Nothing political or religious, just everyday grumblings.  I wrote:

“[Barry Huff] is dragging in from coaching his daughter's basketball team only to be greeted by Cap'n Crunch and a [sic] yet another pile of papers to grade!”

It received nine comments (four of those were my own).  And one of those commenters hinted that they understood the challenge of managing the grading paperload.

Facebook soon became a sliver into my reality normally hidden, when I walked into my home and shut the door for anyone who wanted to see access.  Initially, reposting fill-in-the blank lists, or other people’s videos, didn’t interest me.  I just wanted folks to know it was okay to not have all the answers.  Here I was, boogers and all.

But the experiment gathered a more scientific component in March 2020 -- the addition of an actual vacuum.  

In March 2020, the United States of America instituted a national quarantine in the hope of limiting the possibility of infection from the rapidly spreading “severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2)”, shortened simply to the “Coronavirus”.   I suspect that the horrified wails of a certain mexican beer company sharing part of the same name as the virus (after having carefully crafted years of popular commercials associating its product with serene, relaxing beach scenes) are still heard by masked customers now filling their shopping carts with other adult beverages.  Thus ensuring (at least in a few inebriated minds) binge drinking episodes without sudden, beer-birthed, pockets of community spread.

During this quarantine, the noise of my life (reporting to a building to teach, side-hustles, sporting events, car travel, movies, fast food) disappeared.  And with that sudden vacuum, came the desire to collect and revise the writings I posted about the uncertainty of navigating adulthood.

And while I still worry if I have the skill to create something that gives a clearer picture of my true self to my wife and kids, each vignette is a piece of the mosaic of my humanity.  And hopefully, this collection of blessed fallibility won’t be unnecessarily camouflaged during the stories told at my funeral one day, as attendees gulp down heaping portions of smothered pork steak, collard greens, macaroni, and apple pie piled on their sagging, disposable plates.

[breathinginthevapor]

A heart-breaking mess

Summary: You and Luke are former high school sweethearts, but haven’t talked in years. You suddenly run into each other at a bar and might not be completely done with each other.

A/N: Well, no one (literally no one, it got six likes i think) read my last one shot even though the one before that got over 300 so yeah, let’s see how this goes haha. Please please please leave feedback if you like it (and also if you don’t just don’t be too mean im fragile haha) As for warnings, there’s meantions and brief descriptions of sex, and alcohol is also in the picture. Also, if anyone would like a second part, I’d totally be up for that x

T/W: drinking, slight nsfw

Masterlist

I don’t own the picture, it’s from Luke’s instagram

He has changed so much, and he’s not at all the boy you knew all those years ago. But his eyes are the same that once looked at you with admiration and love, and their shade is the same icy blue as the ones who made your teenage heart flutter. His lips are the same as the ones who calmed you down on dark nights, and his hands still the ones that held yours when you walked through the halls of your local high school.

But the confidence radiating from his body is new, as well as the flirting look in his eyes is one you haven’t seen before. It’s a strange coincidence he is frequenting the same bar as you tonight, and even though you’re both different persons than the children who believed their love could last forever, it brings back all those memories you spent so much time on forgetting.  

If you had known he was back in town, you would have stayed indoors watching Netflix instead of visiting the bar you know his friends like, but how could you? It’s not easy when he’s traveling the world; in Asia the first day and then home the next.  

It may seem weird that even now, years after your breakup, you still fear meeting him, but he was your first love, and you’ve learned that first loves always will have a special place in people’s heart, including yours.  

He’s dancing with a girl you don’t know, and she’s just another thing that tells you how different he is. The Luke you knew wouldn’t even have offered her and her short dress a second glance, too caught up in a funny story his friends told and besides never seeing the point in one night stands, but now his hands are around her waist and his lips on her neck.

She turns around and places her hands in his thick curls. You want to puke, perhaps because it isn’t until now you realize that the Luke who’ll always be a part of you is gone from the surface and only lives in your memory. The tiniest bit of hope that has been hidden inside you for the past years shatters. The Luke who promised you forever under a sky full of stars, the Luke who ate McDonald’s with you on prom night in your fancy clothes and the Luke who wrote songs about you and showed them with trembling hands on his guitar doesn’t exist anymore and never will again.  

You swallow down the rest of your drink and get up from the lousy bar chair. You’re not in the mood for neither partying nor drinking anymore, no, you just want to go home and sleep and maybe throw out some old pictures of the boy who had promised to come back to you but never did.  

However, today isn’t your lucky day. When you stand up, you manage to take down the glass with you, and just as it hits the floor, the music stops and everyone turns towards you, including him. You see it in his eyes: the recognition, how he at first wonders why you look so familiar and then how it suddenly hits him who you are.

It’s only about three seconds before another song is played and everybody continues what they were doing before your little accident, but not him. You watch him excuse himself from the girl who’s clearly very disappointed about missing out on a night with the Rockstar, but he doesn’t seem to care, and while he makes his way to you, his eyes are fixated on yours like you’re some song he knew and loved once but now struggle to remember the words of.  

“Y/N.”

“Luke.”

You both greet each other with emotionless voices, and it scares you how comfortable he looks while you’re busy scanning the room for an exit. But even now, the way he says your name sends chill through your body, and you wonder how you have been able to go on so long without hearing him say it.  

It’s weird: he’s still able to give you the sparks, to fill your stomach with butterflies, but at the same time you never want to see him again. Never want to hear his voice again, never want to feel the way that only he can make you.

“It’s been a long time, huh? What, a year, two years?”

It hurts that he doesn’t remember, but you remind yourself that it’s different for him. He doesn’t have to buy groceries at the same place you bought hot wings together when you were hangover, chat with your mom every time he sees her on the street (which is surprisingly often considering how big of a city Sydney is), hear her talk about how good you’re doing or walk past your house every time he’s on his way to work.  

“Almost three,” you correct, fighting to keep the careless expression on your face.

You just hope he can’t read you anymore. You are, after all, not the open book you used to be.  

“Really? Wow, time just flies when you’re living on the road,” he answers, a small smile on his lips, clearly thinking back on some tour memories. “Are you in college now? Almost done or what?”

You’re not really in the mood for small talk, and you just want to run away and never ever think about the boy who broke your heart again, but unfortunately, it feels like your feet are glued to the ground which means you have no choice but to stay.

“Yeah, I’ll be a fully educated teacher in two years. Took a year off to work.”

You can’t count how many times you’ve said those words to strangers or acquaintances, but it feels weird that Luke’s one of them now when he used to be the one who knew you better than anyone else.

Sometimes, you’d wonder if he actually knew you better than you knew yourself. It certainly seemed that way when he sent some of your writing to a competition where the first prize was a course with a professional writer. You only found out what he had done when you received an email that said you had won. Needless to say, you were over the moon for having someone so sweet and considerate in your life.

“Teaching? I thought you wanted to be a writer?” He remembers. Remembers the dreams you had when you were younger and believed everything was possible, when you still believed that dreams come true.

News flash, they don’t.

"Well, we can't all live our teenage dreams as grown-ups," you say before thinking, sounding so bitter that you don't even like yourself. Luke has worked hard for everything he's achieved, and he has definitely deserved it.

However, there's still a small part of you that finds it unfair that he's doing everything he's ever wanted while swimming in money and luxury while you're only just able to pay rent because you did nothing but work for a whole year.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just tired, school's really been taking a toll on me the last couple of months.”

"I understand," he affirms, raising his hand to show that you’re forgiven. "I was rooting for you, though."

You flash a smile at him, and then the two of you stand in an awkward silence you’ve never experienced with him before. You used to talk the whole night, and even when the silence took over, it felt nice and calm and comforting.

He scratches his neck, looking down at his feet. Then he takes a deep breath that visibly expands his chest and fixes his blue orbs on yours.

“Do you wanna dance?”

You open your mouth to decline his offer, but then you close it again and just nod. You can’t explain why, but you can’t get yourself to say no. Not when you know this might be the last time you see him.

He grabs your hand and pulls you through the crowd, bodies pressing against you from every side but the feeling of Luke’s hand in yours making you feel safe.

He stops when he’s found a spot with a little amount of space for the two of you, and you seriously regret your decision when you stand there facing each other and not knowing what to do.

But then he grabs your other hand and swirls you around while pulling you closer, so your back is pressed against his chest. He places your own hands on your hips, his still covering them.

You immediatly lose yourself in the music and the way his body perfectly melds into yours, and you grow braver for every minute. You press your ass against his crotch and let your fingertips wander up to his neck, pulling at the short curls. He groans and grips your hips even tighter, knuckles turning white. Then you turn around and slowly lean in, barely letting your lips meet before pulling away again.

“Such a tease,” he mutters, hands slipping down to squeeze your ass. You lean in once more and this time, there’s no holding back.

He parts your lips with his tongue and then explores your mouth, grazing your teeth and biting your lip.

When a stranger bumps into you, breaking the kiss, he whispers in your ear, “Wanna do this somewhere else, babe?”

You simply nod, feeling your veins boiling with desire.

This time, he leads you to the bathroom for disabled and pushes you up against the door while locking it with the hand that isn’t caressing your hardening nipple through your dress.

“Jump,” he commands, and you secure your legs behind his back while he carries you to the sink, placing you on the brink of it. His lips suck on your neck, collarbone and then, after removing your dress, your breast too, surely leaving marks.

The sex is nothing like when you were together, before he left. He’s much more rough and daring, whispering things in your ear that would make his younger self blush, and he has to cover your mouth to prevent you from making too much noise.

But he’s still considerate enough to make sure to finish you both, and then he stays inside you for a few seconds before pulling out and grabbing your clothing from the floor.

He throws your dress, bra and panties at you and then pulls his boxer shorts on and buttons up his shirt.

You slide down the sink, trying to catch your breath and laughing at his struggle with putting on the tight skinny jeans.

“I can’t believe you still wear those,” you begin, raising your eyebrows, “I remember you said they made you look ‘punk rock’.”

He chuckles, finally succeeding in his attempt at pulling up the black jeans.

“Well, they look good with almost everything and you gotta admit I do look more tough with these on than my old pizza pajamas pants,” he responds and winks at you, making you giggle once more.

“I actually have those in my drawer back home. They may not be trendy or ‘punk rock’, but I swear to God they are the comfiest piece of clothing ever,” you admit and then realize how weird it must sound that an ex has your pajamas laying around after three years of being broken up. “Wow, that sounded creepier than I intended.”

He smiles reassuringly at you, “no worries, Y/N. I still wear that necklace you gave me with the fake shark tooth sometimes as well, so we’re even.” You mirror his grin, remembering when you bought him the necklace. It was when he first went to London, and you wanted to gift him something to remind him of home. You wandered through Sydney all day, not finding anything worth paying for before stumbling upon the fake shark tooth in one of the tourist shops down by the harbor. You knew Luke would find it funny (and perhaps just a little cool too) and you don’t think you’ll ever be able to forget how thankful he looked when you gave it to him.

You were joining his family visiting him in London, and upon your leave, you had offered him the gift and he immediately got the idea behind, slipping the necklace over his head and pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, whispering “I love you so much,” when you pulled apart.

Luke clears his throat and shakes you from your thoughts. You can’t remove the smile from your lips, feeling better than you have in a long time and looking forward to spending more time with Luke. There’s so much you want to hear about and so many things you want to tell him. And you’re extremely glad you went to the bar tonight.

But then Luke speaks, and every trace of happiness once again leaves your body, “Well, I should probably get going. It was nice catching up with you Y/N, feel free to message me if you’re ever in L.A and up for a round two.”

Your whole body stiffens, but he doesn’t seem to notice or perhaps he just doesn’t care as he presses a short kiss on your cheek before opening the door and leaving you alone.

You’re unable to move, too much in shock to even think comprehendible, but then someone opens the door to the bathroom and asks if you’re finished out there, and you leave, feeling like a zombie like the ones in the movies you watched with your father when you were a kid.

You stop by the bar and look down where the shattered glass still lays right beside your feet, just like the broken remains of your heart. Because he isn’t your Luke anymore, he’s just a heart-breaking mess who used to be the love of your life.

But even now, he still has the ability to shatter your heart into millions of pieces. And you hate him for it.  

[today-we-will-survive]

Our Summer

moodboard made by me

Taehyung x Reader Y/N ft. OT6

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2.9K

Request: A scenario of v jealous a cute fluffy 1 plz ~~

A/N: I’m sorry it’s so late and I’m sorry it kind of turned into something else. I pulled inspiration from Jesse McCartney’s “Beautiful Soul” music video and listened to Our Summer by TXT while writing it.

If you were to glance in the rear view mirror, you would see a pair of large, brown eyes watching you, corners crinkled by a smile. Instead, you’re looking out the passenger window at your hand as it rides the warm, summer breeze blowing past the van. Everything is tinted golden from the sun as it sets behind the hills to your right. Your hair whips in the wind, sending strands across your collarbones, neck and face and you have to bring a hand up to untangle your sunglasses. They tint the already golden world more sepia, making it feel like you’re in a dream. And maybe you are.

How else could you explain how perfect this moment is? Speeding down an open highway, rolling hills and lush valleys on either side of you, the driver’s and backseats preoccupied by your seven best friends. The day has been filled with adventure, to say the least.

It started with a knock on your door when the sun was tinting the world golden, though this time as it rose instead of set. When you answered the door, Taehyung was standing there, his hair still sticking up a bit from sleep.

“Tae?” you asked confused. “What are you doing here?” Then you looked past him at the van on the curb, the other six members of your group hanging out the windows waving at you.

“We thought it would be fun to take a bit of a drive,” he said, his deep voice even deeper and still raspy with sleep. “You game?”

You looked down at your pajamas and brought a hand up to touch the eye mask propped on your forehead. “Uh…sure,” you said. “Just give me a minute.”

Taehyung had given you a sleepy smile that sent your stomach into a bit of a flurry before turning and making his way back to the van. You’ve had a soft spot for the vocalist since the beginning of your friendship but have tried not to let it affect you. After all, he’s an idol, and one of seven boys you’re very fond of. If something were to happen between the two of you, who knows how it would affect the dynamic of the group? Your friendship as a whole is more important than a crush. It’s just a crush. And one that most likely wouldn’t be reciprocated anyway. The seven boys spend months performing in front of hundreds of thousands of fans. No, dating Tae is an unrealistic dream. One you tamped down a long time ago.

You’ve spent the day singing at the tops of your lungs to the radio, climbing over each other, switching spots any time the vehicle came to a stoplight—Jin wasn’t too happy about this and scolded you every time—and stopping any time one of you spotted a roadside seller or a sign for a tourist trap.

You had Jin pull off onto a street filled with tents and food trucks—some kind of festival—and the eight of you spent the next few hours winding up and down the paths, checking out fruit stands and booths with handmade goods.

At one point, you found yourself walking between Jimin and Taehyung, Jimin’s arm draped lazily over your shoulders and you reached up, intertwining your fingers with his. The eight of you have always been more on the touchy side, you finding comfort in feeling the weight of your friend’s hand in yours or arms wrapped around you. You love showing love and feeling love. And you love that these boys show it the same way.

The three of you were standing in front of a table, trying on several different hats—you trying to make Taehyung smile because for some reason he’d been much quieter than normal—when you were lifted off the ground by a pair of strong arms. You let out a squeal, looking back at Jimin and Taehyung as they got further away, Jimin’s mouth wide open and his eyes closed tight as he dissolved into laughter.

“Hobi, put me down!” you screamed, hitting the boy on the back as you struggled to keep yourself upright.

“I’m doing you a favor!” he yelled over his shoulder. “Jin was gonna leave you three behind.”

Luckily, Taehyung and Jimin finally decided to follow you and by the time you got back to the van, the others were already there waiting with the engine idling.

“Delivery!” Hobi announced before unceremoniously shoving you into the farthest backseat and crawling in after you.

Jungkook was on your other side and you ended up pressed against him since for some odd reason, Hobi had felt the need to keep his giant basket of apples he’d just bought on his lap instead of putting it in the back like a normal person.

Taehyung turned around in the seat in front of you and gave you a dull smile. “You don’t want to sit up here with me?” he asked.

“I didn’t have much of a say in where I sat,” you said throwing a glare at Hobi.

The dancer looked up from the apple he was biting into and his eyes went wide. “What? I was just keeping you from getting left behind!”

“Well, thanks,” you replied sarcastically and took another apple out of the basket. “And you just had to stick me between you and the muscle bunny?”

“Hey! It’s not my fault I’m big!” Jungkook protested from your other side.

“It kind of is, though, JK,” Jimin said from beside Taehyung.

Jungkook lowered his head bashfully, his ears tinging red. You nudged him with your shoulder softly and held out the apple. “It’s okay,” you said with a smile. “I don’t mind snuggling.”

His ears grew redder but now his cute bunny smile made an appearance and he took the apple, uttering a thanks before taking a bite.

When you looked forward again, you caught Taehyung’s eyes for just a second before he turned around, facing the window to watch the flea market fade into the distance.

By this time, it was afternoon, the sun hanging a bit low and glaring in through the windshield. Jin and Yoongi were smart enough to wear sunglasses and Namjoon was borrowing yours so the only thing the rest of you could do was to close your eyes against the brightness. This, of course, made you sleepy and you ended up drifting off with your head resting on Jungkook’s shoulder.

You didn’t know how long you were asleep before you were awoken with a gentle shake of your shoulder.

“Hey, Y/N.”

Your eyes peeled open, meeting Taehyung’s own sparkling brown ones and he gave you a gentle smile.

You sat up groggily, stretching your sore neck and looking around. The van was parked on the side of the road at the bottom of a grassy hill. Jungkook snored softly on your one side and Hobi leaned the opposite way, his head resting against the window, his mouth open as he slept. The rest of the van was empty but for you and Taehyung.

“Why’d we stop?” you cracked and cleared your throat. “Where is everyone?”

“Ran out of gas,” Taehyung replied with a shrug. “The others headed up the road to find a station. They should be back soon, though.”

“All four of them?”

Taehyung leaned to the side, revealing Yoongi passed out in the front seat.

“Ah yes,” you said. “That makes more sense.”

“Want to come exploring with me?” Taehyung asked, biting his bottom lip in a failed attempt to contain his excitement.

How could you say no when he looked like so cute and eager? With a smile and a nod, you got up carefully, climbing over the back of the seat in front of you to keep from disturbing Jungkook and Hobi. Taehyung held out his hand to you and you took it to steady yourself as you jumped down from the van.

You squinted your eyes in the bright sunlight, spinning around as you took in your surroundings. The highway stretched on endlessly behind you and curved around a bend in front. A desert sprawled out across the road and behind you was that upward slope you’d noticed initially.

“What’s up there?” you asked Taehyung as you used your hand to block the sun so you could follow the hill upward. A chainlink fence bordered the crest.

“Should we go find out?”

Instead of answering, you started up the hill, trekking through the tall grass as it tickled your bare legs. You heard it rustle behind you, the sound growing louder until Taehyung shot past you and you had to speed up to catch him. His legs are much longer than yours so he beat you and by the time you got to the crest of the hill, you were breathing hard.

“Overexert yourself?” Taehyung asked with a smirk.

You smacked him hard on the chest. “Sorry I lack the lung capacity you seem to have,” you replied then peered in through the chainlink fence in front of you.

A hotel sat on the other side. Judging by the graffiti on the walls and the leaves floating on top of the water in the swimming pool, it was safe to say the place was abandoned. You grasped the fence high up and stuck a toe of your sneaker through one of the holes.

“What are you doing?” Taehyung asked putting a hand on your side.

“I’m climbing the fence, what does it look like I’m doing?” you asked and hauled yourself up. “Didn’t you say you wanted to go exploring?”

Taehyung stood on the ground looking up at you, biting his lip in thought. Finally, with a quick nod, he grabbed onto the fence and pulled himself up after you.

The two of you dropped down on the other side, the sounds of your feet hitting the pavement echoing through the place. Your eyes landed on the swimming pool directly in front of you. Even with the leaves floating on top, the water looked inviting. Especially with the late afternoon sun beating down on you. You nudged Taehyung who was still looking curiously at the hotel and then nodded toward the pool.

“Are you serious?” he asked you then his eyes went wider as you kicked off your shoes and started shimmying out of your shorts.

That morning you hadn’t been sure exactly what the day would entail so you wore your swimsuit under your clothes. If not for them, you wouldn’t be doing this so eagerly. You’re comfortable with the guys, but not enough to strip down to your underwear in front of them. You left your tank top on and dropped your shorts onto a broken patio chair.

“Care to join?” you asked Taehyung with a mischievous smile.

Taehyung narrowed his eyes again, looking back and forth between you and the questionable water. Finally, with a roll of his eyes, he yanked his shirt off, revealing a toned, golden torso. You tried not to let your gaze linger but couldn’t help the heat that rushed to your already flushed cheeks. Then before you could say anything else, Taehyung let out a loud holler, jumping into the air and curling himself into a ball just before hitting the water. You yelped as a cold spray splashed against your exposed skin but you couldn’t lie, it did feel nice.

By the time Taehyung emerged from below the surface, you were sitting on the edge, your legs dangling in the water.

“Aw, come on, I thought you wanted to swim,” he said as he pushed his wet hair back off his forehead.

You shrugged. “I just wanted to see if I could get you to jump in.”

Taehyung shoved his hand forward, sending a wave crashing against your legs and spraying you in the face. “You brat!” he yelled.

You kicked your legs in response, splashing him back. He laughed again as he wiped the water from his face.

“Hey, has something been bothering you today?” you asked, your tone shifting to be more serious.

The smile left Taehyung’s face and he lowered his eyes, watching his arms as they moved slowly back and forth in the water. “I don’t know,” he finally uttered.

“You don’t have to pretend, Tae,” you said and he looked up again to meet your eyes. “We’ve been best friends for a long time. If something’s up, you can tell me.”

“Nah, it’s stupid,” he replied shaking his head.

With a furrow of your brow, you sucked in a sharp breath, bracing yourself before slipping down into the water. Taehyung was only a few feet away and you grabbed his hand and pulled him toward you.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” you said, looking directly into his eyes so he’d understand the weight of your words.

The boy pulled his lips into his mouth, frowning as he looked back at you. Finally, he let out a sigh. “I don’t know. Just seeing you with the other guys. How just like touchy you were being with them. I guess I was just…jealous or something.”

Your grip tightened on his hand for a second, a reaction from the shock of his words, but it made him tighten his fingers around yours as well.

“Why would you be jealous, Tae?” you asked. You felt like you already knew the answer but if your assumption was wrong and he didn’t feel the same way as you did, this could turn awkward fast.

“I don’t know,” he uttered and began to pull away but you reached up with your other hand to curl your fingers around his bicep, keeping him in place.

“Tell me.”

Taehyung wouldn’t meet your eyes now, instead focusing on the obscured view of your clasped hands under the water. Finally, he let out a chuckle. “I really like you, Y/N,” he said. “More than I could really explain. I don’t know when it happened and I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same way and that this just made our friendship like a million times more awkward and I understand if you—”

“I like you too, Tae,” you interrupted. His mouth froze in the shape of the next word he was going to say and he looked up at you again. “As more than just friends,” you added. “I have for a while.”

“Really?” he asked taking a step forward.

“Really,” you replied and backed up, tugging him with you until you felt your spine hit the edge of the pool.

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?” He kept coming forward, his eyes darting down to your lips, slightly parted from the fact that you were suddenly struggling to remember how to breathe. “Cuz I mean, if you are, that’s not very nice of you.”

“No I mean it,” you said breathlessly. You reached up to wrap an arm around his neck.

“I swear, Y/N,” Taehyung said, his face inches from yours. “If this is some sort of trick and you’re just about to dunk me or something, I’m never talking to you again.”

You let out a breathless laugh before leaning in. Your lips softly brushed against his and then—

“There you guys are!”

The two of you jerked away from each other, your heads snapping around to look back at the chainlink fence. Namjoon and Jimin stood on the other side, watching the two of you with smug smiles on their faces.

“We’re all gassed up and ready to go whenever you guys decide you’re done here.”

You felt your ears get hot, your already racing heart beating even harder as you reached back and dragged yourself up and out of the water. Taehyung glared back at his friends but followed after you, water dripping from his shorts as he grabbed his shirt off the chair he’d tossed it onto. After you pulled your shorts back on over your wet legs, the two of you hurried over to the fence.

“Sorry for interrupting what looked like a very heartwarming moment.” Jimin said, backing up as Taehyung started his ascent.

“Shut up, Jimin,” he growled and swung his legs over the top and jumped down.

You followed close behind him and the four of you made your way back down the hill to the van.

The eight of you had stopped at a burger place to grab dinner before hitting the road again and now the sun is setting as you head for home. The cab of the van is quiet, the only sound being the soft pop song playing on the radio. All of you are exhausted after the long day you’ve had and though you’re tired, you still find yourself not wanting it to end. You finally got your turn at riding shotgun and now you have your window rolled down, your foot propped up on the seat and you watch as the sun begins to set behind the hills in the distance, tinting the whole world a soft gold.

Your clothes are still a bit damp and you can’t help but smile at the thought of what happened earlier. You bring a hand up, your fingers brushing against your lip where it touched Taehyung’s. With a quick flick of your eyes, you catch a familiar pair looking back at you from the backseat and your mouth pulls up into a shy smile.

Things are going to be different between the two of you and you don’t know if you should be worried but right now you can’t feel anything but happiness and excitement, your heart warming as if it were full of sunshine.

[sarakuper]

San Rafael; Work Away

Stop #3, December 21-January 7

Our time in San Rafael was very relaxing, thrilling, and interesting. Some days we spent doing little to nothing, which was nice for a few days but too boring for me at some points. Other days Sean and I did some awesome activities pushing us both way out of our comfort zones. Lastly, we experienced authentic Colombian culture first hand. Being there for holidays and festivals meant we were there for some of the most quiet and exciting days of the year.

When we arrived on Saturday we had no idea what to expect. This stop being our first WorkAway, we wondered…what work would we be doing? How many hours were expected of us? Are any meals included? For that first day we hung out and enjoyed the beautiful location at the hostel, which is located on a steep hill, completely open and overlooking the city. It’s totally lush and absolutely beautiful. The view alone is a reason to spend all day in the hostel relaxing. 

There are 3 people who own the hostel, all Colombian, and all in their 20’s. Lili was there when we arrived, Manuel arrived the next day (Sunday), and Laura arrived after spending Christmas with her family in Medellin. Immediately after arriving Sean and I fell in love with their cat Canela, which is “cinnamon” in Spanish. We thought she was a kitten because she isn’t full sized, but it turns out she is an old lady! She lived on the property with the previous owner, who was thought to be not very kind to her. When Lili, Laura, and Manuel bought the place about a year ago, Canela was pregnant with a dead litter. They paid to have them surgically removed, and since then Canela has been their beloved pet. She is so cuddly and sweet. She jumps on your lap for pets or a nap, and she answer to your calls. She’s the kind of cat that acts like a dog. We immediately fell in love with her. It’s not like we are trying to fill a void or anything... :)

When Manuel arrived on Sunday we discussed the work we would be doing; we would redo the kitchen (and it really needed it) and lunch would be provided. We started making plans for this work Monday morning. I was going to repaint the kitchen and organize it differently while Sean would build some cabinet doors and shelves. Our work load was different each day. Sometimes we felt good with the work we were doing that we spent hours doing it. Other days we did little to nothing. Either way, Leidy and Karen came every morning to clean the hostel, and during our first week Leidy cooked us lunch too. And wow did she cook us the most delicious healthy food!!!

Leidy and Karen live in the same building as the hostel/language school in a separate apartment. Leidy is probably in her late 30’s or early 40’s, and Karen is her 10 year old daughter. Neither of them spoke a word of english, but they quickly became a big part of our trip in San Rafael. Since Karen was off from school she came to help her mom cook and clean every morning. One morning I was doing some henna on hands and legs when Karen told me “linda!” which means “cute” or “pretty” in Spanish. I asked her if she wanted one, and when she said yes I told her to ask her mom first. Next thing you know, I was giving henna tattoos to both Karen and Leidy; mandala type flowers on their legs and their names written on their wrists. I wish I took a photo of this, but I didn’t :(. I did however take a picture of my henna, and finally took a picture with Leidy and Karen on our last day.

From then on, Karen and I would hang out together almost every morning. She would help me study Spanish while also helping her mom work. I would pull up a new vocabulary word I wanted to learn from an app on my phone, and she and I would practice using that word in a sentence. She would then correct my awful grammar before moving on to the next new word. Some evenings after that I saw Karen and Leidy hanging out outside or walking into town. We always talked and all made efforts to communicate as much as possible. My broken Spanish was enough to connect with both of them, but what it really highlighted was that you don’t need to speak the same language to express love and kindness.

Over Christmas Eve we joined Lili’s boyfriend, Brandon, at his house where he was hosting a BBQ. And that’s exactly how Colombians celebrate Christmas; they BBQ on the street with beers and loud music. And they were kind enough to grill lots of veggies for me :)

During our time in San Rafael we experienced some epic thunder storms. It rained almost every night, and being in a hostel where the common area is wide open made the storms so fun. Normally when we went into town we did so in the evening and nights, only because the days were so hot, and so walking up and down the hills to the city center was a bit warm… but, every time we went out at night it was like a guessing game if we would get poured on. Every night was cloudy, so there was really no telling. It made it a little more fun :) I love rain in warm weather! 

Another day, after working and panting in the morning, we went to the nearest watering hole for a quick swim. Lili’s mom was in town, so we went together plus Bendzhi, a Chinese girl staying at our hostel long term. The watering hole was amazing for people watching. So many locals go there to cool off and swim. Kids ands dogs run around everywhere while vendors sell snacks from fresh fruit to churros. I wish I had photos, but it was better to bring little to nothing since we were ditching our stuff to go swimming.

Steve was another guy at our hostel, probably in his mid 40’s, and from Canada. We spent a good amount of time with him, especially after hiking to a waterfall with him, and Manuel. The hike was pretty short but beautiful. We walked right by horses and cows/bulls before approaching the waterfall.

Just before NYE Lili left to spend time in San Carlos, another town about an hour west, for the next month or so. Laura and Manuel both went to meet Manuel’s family, and so Sean and I had the hostel to ourselves. We went out in town and hung out at a bar until midnight, when everyone got up to hug and kiss each other. Soon after Sean and I went home to hit the hay. Neither of us were feeling great (my throat was sore and he had an allergy attack), plus we don’t particularly care much for this holiday.  

Something I loved about staying at this hostel was that on most days a group of small monkeys would come looking for food. Of course we bought bananas in preparation of this, and fed them quite often. They are so small and so cute!!! They would call at us until we fed them their beloved bananas.

The most exciting thing we did during our time in San Rafael was a canyoneering trip with Manuel, his sister Julianna, and her husband Freddy. We hiked to a spot along a river, got into wet suits and harnesses, and began our decent in the river. We slid down the rocks, jumped off cliffs, and repelled our way through the river. Sean’s fear of heights kicked in during the last part of the activity. But, there we were.. and there was no turning back! This trip was short, but seriously one of the coolest things we’ve done. We were so high on life from the awesome adventure it was!

Another day Manuel and Laura invited us on a fishing trip again with his sister and brother in law. We fished along a river, and although Sean and I both didn’t catch anything we still enjoyed the experience very much. Colorful birds where flying all around us, calling out to each other, and it was really beautiful to watch. Eventually we made our way to a waterfall where we “parked” our boats to go explore. We climbed to the top of the waterfall where we found a beautiful swimming hole to enjoy all to ourselves. We explored deeper, climbing up the next small waterfall. It was absolutely stunning, and easily the highlight of the fishing trip. We swam and jumped off the rocks (don’t worry- Manuel, a certified guide, checked to see that they were safe first) while enjoying all the beauty around us.

The next day we had the opportunity to visit a Panela farm, watching its production from start to finish. Panela is the natural sweetener widely used here in Colombia, and I think a lot of Latin America. It comes in thick blocks that are chipped at and use as sweeter for many of their drinks, specifically chocolate (the drink) and natural juice. We started by crushing the sugarcane using a machine, followed by a long cleaning process to purify the juice before it crystalizes into a sugar. The colombian family that owns the farm has been making Panela all their lives. The whole operation is run between 4 siblings; 3 brothers and 1 sister, all in their 70’s. The abuela welcomed us into her beautiful home and made us breakfast, and then lunch once it got late enough in the afternoon. I am so grateful to have been welcomed to this family’s farm and home with arms open wide. The love they put into this work, and the history behind it all makes it so special. For so many reasons this day was one I will never forget.

One of the last events that went on while we were gone (and yes, wow, a lot has really happened) was Festivo del Rio, festival of the river. We are not sure how the name is related to the celebrations, but what we do know is that this small town fills up with tons of Colombians from all over the country to come celebrate this festival at San Rafael. Restaurants were packed, the hostel we stayed at was fully booked, and the streets were crowded with happy people. On Friday night we watched part of the parade, where structures of mythical creatures ran the streets breathing fire and pure fun.

At the beginning of this post I wrote that times during this leg of the trip I was bored, yet I didn’t get to writing any of this post until the bus ride out of town. I didn’t realize how many special experiences we had until it was time to write about it. But thats exactly why I do this :)

And now that I am writing this while on the bus leaving San Rafael, it feels bitter sweet to leave. This town is so authentically Colombian. The only other English speakers we met were 3 others from our hostel, one Canadian, one American, and one Chinese who spoke English fluently. Saying goodbye was so sweet, as Laura told me that seeing my face is like getting a dose a diabetes. There’s a bit of a language barrier there.. but what she was saying is that I’m so sweet and she feels that every time she sees my face 😂. As for Leidy and Karen... well Leidy starting to cry. I told her “I miss you” in Spanish because I have no idea how to speak in future tense to say “I will miss you”. Karen, her 10 year old daughter who was my best friend on this leg of the trip, gave me hugs goodbye. I will miss practicing Spanish with her very much. She actually knows how to explain things to me better than the adults!

Anyway, I am so looking forward to Josh’s arrival! This is just the start of what I think will be a very fun month with friends (Sam and Victoria next week) and then my mom and cousin Maria in Cartagena! 

Thanks for reading fam, love you all.