#—《 naive temper 》 “ hideki ” ⁽ ᶦᶜ ⁾ —

[bclasaeg]

// The soft patter of rain against glass woke Hideki up. With how rhythmically soothing it was, he was tempted to close his eyes again but when he turned his body, it was like a jumpscare with how close Klaus was.

Right. He slept over again.

After a moment of staring, he reached over, softly adjusting a strand off Klaus' face. He'd let his hand hover, then hesitantly touch his cheek, feeling the skin under the pads of his fingertips.

Don't wake up. I just want to look longer.

@asinusxdomi | ' yo no homo but u kinda fine '

[bclasaeg]

// Hardly does the job come with real life threatening risks. aside from every now and again hysterical family member, perhaps some fluid getting in the wrong places, hideki could dub his position as safe.

one component that is looked over however, is the social obligations aspect that may put him into danger. he was brought in a week after, but he only recited what was on the report that the police already had. and as for anything else, he would say the magic words:

i don't recall.

he would wash his hands of it, the information that could help others, would put him into danger. the police would find out without his help anyway- he reasoned. no need to bother him further.

" i could have a restraining order against you. " hideki closed the lid to the garbage. this person unnerved him.

@sosordid | ' you're not here for a friendly coffee now are you? '

[bclasaeg]

@voraxiia said:

for a protective starter . // lei protecc

Hideki woke up startled in the middle of the night to a figure that was sat with his back to him on the foot of the bed. After a lot of squinted, he realized it was Lei himself.

Has he been doing that all night?

Ever since they reunited, Lei insisted Hideki basically live with him and he diligently picked him up from work every evening, giving very little chance for Hideki to be alone. He thought at least, when he slept, Lei would have the peace of mind and rest, but tonight revealed that Lei's paranoia would not even allow him to sleep.

Hideki reached over and touched his back softly, chuckling at how he jumped. " What kind of murderer will climb a 40-storey building to get to me? Xuezhang, just sleep. "

[bclasaeg]

@nvrcmplt said:

“ i can stay, if you want. ” // Shane @ HIDEKI

// That day, when Hideki left a voice message for Shane, he always wondered if he ever heard it. He lived with this limbo for the past few months, and every time he caught sight of Shane at the hospital, he gazed at him in a way that begged him to stay for a little longer... so that they could talk. But of course, as soon as Shane made eye-contact, Hideki tore himself away and busied himself with work again.

Truth is, he never got over his stupid high-school complex of being seen as queer. He reaped what he sowed, saying flimsy excuses like 'the hospital might talk' as a way of pushing Shane away. What seemed to hurt more was that Shane seemed to recover so easily, which made Hideki think that their perceived closeness was nothing more than a mere delusion on his part.

You're not nearly as important to him as you think you are.

The thought swirled and festered, gnawing away at this bones. It made him feel sick to his stomach. And it appeared every time he saw happily talk to anyone else. He remembered those smiled directed at him, cheeky and bright and it made his heart flutter in a way Hideki never felt before.

Hideki pulled his head into his arms and leaned closer to the wall of the fire escape stairway he sat. Feeling stupid. Feeling the weight of his loneliness. And if it didn't make things worse, he knew it was all his own damn fault.

Why can't I just be normal?

The door to the stairwell made a loud metallic clank that echoed on every floor. Hideki jumped as it directly happened behind him. He turned his head to look and it was seriously the last person he wanted to see. He hurriedly scrubbed his eyes, removing any proof he was beginning to tear up.

" I can stay, if you want. "

The offer was quiet, almost like a whisper, but Hideki heard it loud and clear. He turned to look at his feet, his heart sinking into his stomach as he wished he could drown somewhere, punch something. Anything to remove the mortifying feeling. He wanted Shane to stay, he wanted to talk to him. But his lips refused to move and it frustrated him to no end. Before he knew it, the tears began again.

[bclasaeg]

// Round and round again until Hideki couldn't breathe, he went through the same cycle of thoughts. He wanted to imagine that no one would ever miss him as much as he missed them. It made it easier to swallow than the reality that he could've hurt someone by cutting them off so suddenly like that.

They wouldn't miss me, they wouldn't be hurt if I left.

But what if they did? What if I made a mistake?

Round and a round. Enough to make him lose his mind.

The truth of the matter is, I like you so much I don't even know how to describe it properly. I like you so much that I don't want that you will leave me one day. I like you so much that I want to preserve the parts of our relationship that were good, untainted by the bad experiences we would inevitably face.

But... I'm so selfish that I will assume your feelings and what is good for you, as if you can't decide that for yourself.

Hideki already knew the truth, so why was it so difficult to say it now? He shook uncontrollably, trying to stabilize and catch his breath. He felt shame that he wanted Shane to have suddenly forgive him and comfort him right now when he knew full well he wasn't deserving of an easy way out like that.

" I'm... so...rry... I'm sorry... I knew how you felt.... but I-I... I didn't know how to deal with it... and I regret it... I was stupid... "

He coughed violently, trying to turn his head away to not get anything onto Shane. " It's not... not your fault... I'm sorry, it's not your fault. Y-You didn't do anything wrong..."

Can we be friends again? The question got caught in his throat, but so ashamed he was so bold to even try and ask, he slowly separated himself from Shane's hold and backed up to the wall with his arms outstretched, hanging his head deeply.

" Shane... I'm no good... "

It was hard to see Hideki like this, it wasn't like the man was the epitome of emotions, but he wasn't so easily crumbled either. Shane wasn't sure when or how the man started to be like this, but he had a feeling it was part of what they were, had been, could have become but didn't in the end.

Shane had a breakdown that day too, when he was kept away, arms length - shunned, hidden like he was a dirty secret because work came before them. Shane understood that, he did. He took it on the chin and sealed his lips, he turned tail and he took off. Because even if he was shy to be affection, to search for that one guy that'll love him as much as he loved them, he was willing to hurt for those that weren't strong enough to do that for him. Maybe Hideki wasn't that guy….

Yet, here he was weeping in his shoulder. Blaming him for it? "I don't understand, Hideki…?" A calm tone though he was hurt, he felt hot and clammy - like he could easily start yelling now but that wasn't what he wanted to do. Hideki was the one sobbing, broken and fragile, so Shane inhaled his anger and confusion to instead do what he did best. Care. "You have to use your words because I can't understand what you're crying for and how it's my doing…?"

[bclasaeg]

@nvrcmplt:

His sandwich tasted like sand the moment he saw them - it was like a plummeting in his gut and the feelings he tried to remove from his mind over time of distancing shot back to the forefront of his mind. It was. . . Painful, to say the least. He wasn't sure though now as he watched Hideki's back at the counter ordering his own drink and meal for the day that Shane felt ashamed. It was, hard to process what he was feeling at that moment, fight or flight - but the want to know how Hideki was affected was holding him still. Blind even in his thoughts as he didn't know he was staring that hard to not notice the man closer than before - peering down at him with that annoyingly handsome face and speaking in words that felt like ice but also --- not. "…Uh?" Sitting up, eyes blinking away the mental gymnastics, Shane took a moment to gape like a fish before shaking his head, nodding it, stopping and shaking it again. "No, ye--no, no you can do what you want." Shane wasn't… petty? Was he? It wasn't the first break-up, it wasn't even a break-up, they didn't even date for fuck’s sake. A hand moved to cover his face, his sandwich put down and a sigh, heavy with all his blabbering coming to a stop. This place was busy, so he didn't feel like a complete asshole in just pushing out the chair of his table and motioning with his free hand that wasn't covering his face.

"It's a free country." Do what you want, Shane didn't need to add on as he instead moved to gather his phone to thumb through already read messages.

// Truthfully, when it came to the lunchroom battles for space, Hideki usually didn't bother. The canteen's food would be dumped in the container he brought and he'll eat it somewhere outside.

Shane wasn't wearing anything flashy, nor was he seated in plain site, but Hideki's eyes had zeroed in on him as soon as he entered the canteen. He, of course, averted his eyes before Shane could notice and went through the motions of walking to the buffet counters, taking what he needed, going to pay for it and--

Why were his legs walking towards Shane? Fuck-

It was too late, the stupid words already left his stupid mouth. Naturally, Shane is polite enough to let him sit, so he does.

Alright smart-ass, now what?

He ponders on what to say. Perhaps he can talk about the progress of his brother? How he's been? Maybe even, did he listen to the voice mail he left...?

After a bite or two of his food, he finally gathers the courage to lift his head to start speaking, but his mouth clamps closed as soon as he sees Shane looking busy with his phone.

Never mind...

[bclasaeg]

//  Caught red-handed. Hideki stood at the door, effectively blocking the exits. For a month mysterious coffees had been showing up on his desks every morning. Of course they would be cold before he had the chance to drink it, but he had his suspicions after a while that it wasn’t some prank.

  “ You... ” He began, scratching his neck. “ Why the hell are you sneaking around the physio office? Someone’s going to think you’re stealing something. ”

@kissahten​ | ‘ bruh ’

[bclasaeg]

@nvrcmplt said:

“Come on, sit down. It’s break time.” //Shane

// With a weak nod of the head, Hideki took a seat. After twenty minutes of the mind in distress, it tired the physical body out to the point any external instruction given would be easily followed. It was far easier to let someone else do the thinking for you. At this point, Shane could order Hideki to get on his knees and the man would do it.

He watched the table, counting the grains in the wood until Shane obstructed his view with a steaming cup of tea.

' Thank you. ' He mouthed.

What now? Am I going to see you after this? Is it finally over between us?

[bclasaeg]

voraxiia:

it was a normal day for them , walking home from school after practice until they had to part ways , staying a few blocks away . nothing out of the ordinary had happened before , during , or after practice . at least , that was what Lei thought .  ㅤㅤㅤHideki had still been happily chatting away , even if Lei replied more often with a smile or but a few words , they both were used to it by now , knowing the latter was listening intently to everything , and most certainly , he was just as content spending time with Hideki as the other way around . ㅤㅤㅤhe had only tried to subtly switch their places walking along the sidewalk , noticing a car approaching their way , when Hideki , instead of being led towards the inner side of the path , had backed farther away all of a sudden , before Lei could even touch him -- ㅤㅤㅤ❝ㅤHideki !ㅤ❞ ㅤㅤㅤin the spur of a moment Lei yanked the other boy back , using more force than intended , the vehicle blowing its horn as it sped past . it took a while for either of them to react , the older looking back onto the road , then back at his junior , before he eventually let go .  ㅤㅤㅤ❝ㅤthat was dangerous . i’m sorry i ... surprised you .ㅤ❞ㅤfor lack of a better word , unaware of the confused , almost evidently hurt expression on his face .ㅤ❝ㅤare you okay ?ㅤ❞

// You're dating one or more of the Judo club members right?

Those words were pure nonsense. Hideki himself knew to pay no mind to the distasteful jokes made by others, but it bothered him all day. He attended the club like usual, nagging and making sure everyone cleaned up and forgot about it just for a moment, then someone just had to say it.

" Hideki-kun, your lao gong is waiting to walk home with you! "

He would've bit back, cursing that person who said it, but all he could do was weakly laugh at it and suppress that terrible feeling in his gut. He tried to enjoy the walk back with Lei, covering his discomfort with talking about anything his mind could think of, but he couldn't help but feel like he should walk further from him.

' Hideki! '

When Lei came close, he panicked and nearly got hit. The shock of the close call paralyzed him in Lei's grip and once he got a hold of himself, pushed Lei away.

Realized he pushed too hard, immediately apologized: " Haha... sorry... I-- you startled me so... "

@voraxiia

[bclasaeg]

//  Hideki’s knuckles sharply rapped against the door of the person he wanted to confront, eyes full of determination to get the answers he was seeking. Of course, not without his lip curled up with disgust. 

  For the past week or so, he had been completely avoiding his neighbor after caring for the stranger last week. It had been odd that the man didn’t want any hospital and was strongly against any police... but he knew it was an unfortunate norm for victims of such, especially of different orientation. Though Hideki had his prejudices against the latter, he could still understand a little enough to be upset.

  Thus, brought him to the door, ready to blow up at the person behind it.

     “ Explain why I shouldn’t bring you to the police right now. ”

@synaisthimc​ // >:(

[bclasaeg]

@levxled​ :

 "      the beach? alright. " Zhora played it off very casually, but he was feeling rather excited for the weekend. he wasn't going to refuse an invitation from HIM of all people. even if it meant he was going to have to move some things around (because he would never leave a precious Saturday completely open).

   “       we should leave in the morning so we can spend a good amount of daylight by the water. I’d love to stay and see the sunset as well, if you have enough time today. “ maybe the stars, too...

//  “ There’s some roadside restaurants near the beach. We could have dinner there and watch the sunset. It’s been a while since I’ve been to the beach. ” As much as he hated sand, the idea of the location was enough to keep coming back for. 

   “ Either that or we could make our own food and bring it there, like a picnic or something. You mentioned you liked to look at stars too right? We can stay there during nighttime too if you want. ” As casually as he played that off, he was nervous to be rejected. Since high school, he’s never personally invited someone out on an outing, especially a neighbor. 

[bclasaeg]

//   Spotting a silhouette alone on the top of the building, he had thought the worst and rushed all the way up there. From the last flight of steps, he heard a scream and quickly leaped up three at a time. Out of breath, he flung the door open and quickly leaned over the edge to check if he could find the source of the scream.

  Understandably confused at the lack of body, he turned only to find a looming figure, looking down with an expression that was difficult to decipher. 

    For that split second as Hideki felt that hand press against his chest, pushing him against the vertical draft of the wind from the edge of the building, he wondered to himself why was it so difficult to keep his nose out of other people’s business.

     CRACK.

@cantuscorvi​ | ‘ ayo wtf ’

[bclasaeg]

//  “ Just sign here for me please... ”

  A few weeks wasn’t enough to recover. Hideki barely looked up from the paper, trying to imagine that the owner of the hand holding his pen wasn’t the person he felt for sure he wouldn’t meet again. This sort of treatment towards patient's guardians would most definitely get him into trouble, but he was already the sort to be unlikeable.

   His eyes peeked up for a moment. Still the same person. Even if he received that new piece of information. Nothing had changed, but Hideki felt he should just let it be. Let the misunderstanding stick and live knowing he could easily fix this by opening his mouth.

      I’m not suited to be around someone else. Was all he concluded that day. 

   Same damn excuse. Same giving up nature. ‘ I’m never going to change so what’s the point. I’ll take the easier way out and blame it on something else. ’

   Even if the universe was giving him a second chance by letting him have the excuse of seeing this hand’s owner again, this was his response:

     “ Same timing next week. Please make sure your brother remembers to stretch after this or he’ll be stiff. ” And shut the log book closed.

    Kindly walk for the door. Please. I don’t want to give in to my impulse.

@nvrcmplt​

[bclasaeg]

@levxled​

Unprompted : Always Accepting

    "     just for a bit. " Zhora answered with a smile, so he wouldn't think that he was upset by him falling asleep during their time together. "     if you want to rest a little longer, you’re welcome to use the bed. " sure, he could also just go back to his OWN bed (next door) to sleep, but... that wouldn’t be beneficial to himself.

//  Given that his apartment was a little walk away, it wouldn’t be too much trouble to go back there but he had just finished a 72 hour on call shift, the little walk seemed like a marathon. 

   “ I suppose... I can sleep here until nine, but wake me when you want to fall asleep too alright? ” He never thought he’d fall asleep as soon as dinner was finished-- only father did that sort of thing! 

  From the couch, he dragged himself to the bed, politely getting in and as soon as he closed his eyes, fell back to sleep.

[bclasaeg]

@malibvnghts​:     

      sake . . . water . . . it’s not like fuyuki would be able to tell the difference until he drinks it  .  tipsy from all the drinking he’s done despite being fatigued from work  ,  “  we finally have days off, let’s just have fun  ,  ”  fuyuki says  ,  finishing the glass of water without complaint  .  fuyuki  ,  who’s usually mild mannered  ,  seemed to have let go of his inhibitions and was behaving a bit more erratically  .  leaning heavily on hideki  ,  “  it is delicious  ,  ”  he slurs as he nibbles on the skewer hideki hands him  ,  “  you should have some too  ~~  ”  he offers his partially eaten skewer to hideki  ,  “  ah . . . wait  ,  i ate this one  ,  ”  he murmurs  ,  shifting to grab another to offer the physiotherapist  .

//  His eyebrows seemed to relax at the sight of his junior being comfortable enough to be drunk around him. That feeling was enough for Hideki to tolerate, even want to care for the other. He had been meaning to invite Fuyuki out for quite some time but never really had the opportunity considering that their schedules never aligned and Hideki didn’t think he had the right to. Finally though, their days off, by chance happened to be on the same long weekend but it wasn’t him who suggested the outing, but Fuyuki instead. He was grateful for that, knowing he himself didn’t have the guts to do it first. 

  Opening his mouth, he allowed his junior to feed him. “ Thank you. It tastes extra good. Fuyuki, do you know how you’re getting home? Mine is a walk away so I don’t mind walking you home. ”

[bclasaeg]

xnvrse:

​ ZHORA’S BIRTHDAY WISHES : ACCEPTING

  he just happened to hear about how it was his birthday and then went out of his way to get him a CAKE? wow, Zhora didn’t know whether he should be blown away by how earnest or how unusual he was. he could have just wished him a happy birthday and that was it. so cute... “      thank you. I’ll have a piece if you have one with me. “ and no, that was NOT because he thought it was poisoned or laced with something nasty to ruin his day.

//  It wasn’t a big cake, it was mini one that probably only had two servings on it. Unfortunately, the birthday thing had been stuck on his mind all day even at work and considering that he had been treated to dinner before... well... it’s safe to say he paced back and forth like a crazy person in front of the bakery.

  “ Oh-- uhm...” He readjusted the backpack on his shoulder. “ I’m still in my work uniform-- is it alright if I step in like this? ”

@xnvrse​